PS 635 .Z9 M52 Copy 1 ^.OUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE BY C. L. MICHAEL Copyright, 1914, By C. L. Michael NOTICE: "Country Boys in College" is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States and is subject to royalty. This play must not be staged without the consent of the author and publisher, C. L. Michael, Phoenix High School, Phoenix, Arizona. All Rights Resewed PRICE 25 CENTS C. L. MICHAEL, PHOENIX HIGH SCHOOL, PHOENIX, ARIZONA COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE BY C. L. MICHAEL Copyright, 1914, By C. L. Michael NOTICE : **Country Boys in College" is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States and is subject to royalty. This play must not be staged without the consent of the author and publisher, C. L. Michael, Phoenix High School, Phoenix, Arizona. All Rights Reser'ved PRICE 25 CENTS C. L. MICHAEL, PHOENIX HIGH SCHOOL, PHOENIX, ARIZONA COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE Jack Jamison, a country boy, who longs to go to college. Alice Arnold, who is loved by Jack and Harry. Hank Hawkins, 1 Joe Hamilton, j^^^,^ ^^.^^^^ Jess Roberts, Fat Ormond, Jean Anderson, the talkative one. Julia Wilmoth, the girl Hank falls in love with. "Cute" Carney, Sport's girl, whose vocabulary consists of the one expression: "It's awfully cute." Harry Williams, whose "Dad strikes oil." Sport Yeager, Archie Armstrong, Bill Burchinal, Dan Martin, Harry's friends. Nute Neely, Jack's uncle. "Dad" White, coach. Sam Wilson, swipe. Nick Blake, Tom Jones, Ed Bailey, John Long, Members of the track team. Six or eight college girls to help in the songs and be on stage during the track meet. Four or five boys to act as judges, timers, etc., and to help in the songs if necessary. §)C!,D 37903 O. ;z^/< AUG 20 1914 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE ACT I. Field on hill overlooking West Virginia Univer- sity. Road in rear leading to the school. The opening day of school. ACT II. The college campus of the West Virginia Uni- versity during a school day of the spring of the same year represented in Act I. The day before the try-outs to select candidates to represent W. V. U. in the Conference Meet. ACT III. The try-out on the athletic grounds. These try- outs are the finals of the 100-yard dash, the 220, 440 and mile run, also the low hurdles. ACT IV. Jack's room, the night after the try-out. The Place. — Morgantown, West Virginia. The Time.— About 1895. COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE Coflftumesf In Act I : Jack is dressed in overalls ; Uncle Nute in overalls and hickory hat, suspenders, high boots or brogan shoes. Should have beard and spectacles if desired. Hank should be dressed like a very seedy country boy. All others in ordi- nary school clothes. In Act II: All in school clothes, except Uncle Nute and the Principal. The former should be ''dressed up." The latter dressed to represent a dignified professor. Jack and Hank dressed a lit- tle better in this act. In Act III : Uncle Nute in long duster. All stu- dents, except members of track team, should have regular school clothing. Track team boys should wear regulation track suits and tennis shoes. In Act IV: Regular school clothes. COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE ACT I. Field on hill above West Virginia University. Road in rear. Clump of hushes in fence cor- ner. A ''drop'' curtain with fence and hill- field can easily he painted hy the art depart- ment. In front of this there should he a hoard roadway, three or four feet wide, and in front of this a ''ivorm'' fence, four or five rails high. These rails should he eight or ten feet long. They can he gotten a^ a lumher yard — split posts are hest, hut if they cannot he procured, square posts, three hy four, ivill answer. Enough huslies or foliage should he used to hide the hoard tvalk. On rise of curtain, Jack Jamison, a country hoy, is discovered hoeing in the field. While he hoes, the college clock strikes eight. Jack slow- ly stops hoeing, leans on hoe-handle and gazes off R. Jack: The next time that old clock strikes will be the signal for the assembling of the University students for another year — and I am not to be one of them. And yet, to be one of them, to study and learn the things they will have an opportunity to study and learn, is the only thing I care a rap about ; but here I am, tied down hand and foot on this little patch of ground, keeping the weeds out of my uncle's fields, while they grow rank in my own brain. (Hears talking l. Turns and looks.) Here they come. Gosh ! How I 'd like to be one of them. Guess I'll just hide behind this bush and see what they talk about as they go by. (Enter Archie, Bill and Dan l.j 6 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE Bill: How's the football team going to be this year, Arch? Archie : Fine ! Harris Yost will be back in his old position at tackle and Lew Yeager will kick over the moon! Then we'll have Doggie Trench- ard for coach — he was captain of the Princeton team last year. Dan: We won't do a thing to W. & J., will we? (Enter Sport Swisher and ''Cute'' Carney, l., walking doivn road.) Sport: Miss Carney, isn't it delightful to con- template the fact that we shall soon be back to the dear old school? Look at it sitting there on the lap of the hill — makes one poetic, doesn't it? And just see the beautiful Monongahela gliding in graceful curves in its onward march to the sea. Ah, that's a picture that would inspire an author, a poet or an artist. Don't you think it's a won- derful panorama, Miss Carney? CuTE: It's awfully cute. Sport : But we must be going for I see the mul- titude gathering — (Exit Sport and Cute r.^ Jack (gets up and looks after them): I wonder if all the girls are like that? (Returns to former position.) (Enter Jean Harrison and Fat Ormond.^ Jean : What shall I study ? First of all I shall study astronomy. "Astronomy," says Huxley, "which of all sciences has filled men's minds with general ideas of a character most foreign to their daily experience. Astronomy, which tells them that this so vast and seemingly solid earth is but an atom among atoms, whirling, no man knows whither, through illimitable space ; which demon- strates that what we call the peaceful heaven above us is but space, filled by an infinitely subtle COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 7 matter whose particles are seething and surging like waves of an angry sea, which opens to us in- finite regions where nothing is known, but matter and forces, operating according to rigid rules, which leads us to contemplate phenomena" — ah, won't that be grand? Fat : You bet yer life ! Jack (looks after them): Well, I should say not ! (Looks ojf l. and sees Harry Williams and Alice Harvey coming.) Jack: There comes Alice and Harry. Harry : By the way, Alice, this farm belongs to Old Nute Neeley, my rival's uncle. Alice: Your ''rival?" Harry (laughing): Yes, Jack, you know, is my rival ! Alice: No, I didn't know it, but if you have any reference to me, let me tell you that Jack would do pretty well in the "rivaling" business, for he's a boy I always admired. And if he'd just spunk up a little and go to school, he'd show a lot of you fellows some new tricks both in learning and athletics. You know very well that he could always beat you in nearly everything back at the old country school. Harry : What foolishness is this you 've got into your head? You know Jack's people are as poor as ' ' church mice ' ' and that Jack will never amount to anything. None of his folks ever did — neither will he ! Alice: Maybe not, but he could if he would. Harry: Yes, but he won't! (Exeunt r.) Jack (arising): I won't, won't I? You just watch me, Harry Williams. You never yet put anything over on me, and you never shall. Won the 440 last year, I understand! Back j^onder in 8 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE the old Quiet Valley school you never beat me run- ning, no matter what the distance, and you can't do it when I get to the University, and I 'm going ! And Alice has faith in me, too. I could hardly believe my ears. Although I've always loved her, I tried not to show it, because it didn't seem to be any use. Harry, with all his money, seemed to be the one she would naturally want. Maybe if I would make something out of myself — go to school and get an education — I will go to school. (Shoulders hoe and starts off l. Stops, feels in pockets.) But I have saved only $10.00 and that wouldn't start me! I must go, but howf (Hears someone coming whistling a lively tune.) Jack: That sounds like Hank Hawkins. (Looks down road i..) Well, as Hank says, by the Jumpin' Gee Whillikins, that's who it is. Hellow, Hank! (Enter Hank, carrying satchel and shoes on a stick throivn over his shoulder.) Hank: Well, by the Jumpin' Gee Whillikins! How are you. Jack! What you doin' here? Thought you was goin' to the University. And here you are f armin ' ; and school begins today. Jack: Well, I am going, but I haven't started yet. You know father sent me down here to stay with uncle, who was to let me work evenings and Saturdays for my board, but he says there's too much work and I can't start yet — Hank : You 're a fool if you don 't cut loose and go anyway. Jack: Where are you going, Hank? Hank: Goin' to the University over there. Jack : Are you ? Where did you get the money ? Hank: Well, you see, I worked three days and a half for old Cy Prickett and was to have got sixty cents a day, but the old skin-flint docked me ten cents for eatin' more'n the other hands; then COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 9 I dug $2.47 worth of genseng and sold one of my hounds for $3.75. Jack : You can 't go to school a year on that, can you? Hank: Sure! Of course, I'll get some work to do — Golly, I must put on my shoes, I've been walkin' in my bare feet to save shoe leather. (Climbs on top of fence and puts on shoes.) Jack: Have you walked all the way from home? Hank: Yep! It's only 117 miles. Made it in three days. What do you think ? An old tight-wad wanted to hold me up for a quarter for stayin' over night. But I chopped up a lot of wood for him and he let me off for ten cents. Gee ! but liv- in's high in some parts of this state. Jack : How did you get your baggage through ? Hank: Here it is (holds up small, old-fashioned satchel) — carried it on my back. (Looks off R.j Say, that's a fine lookin' school over there, ain't it? Wonder how you get into the place? Jack: Well, you first go and see the President and matriculate — Hank: What's that? Jack: Oh, you'll find out. Say, how's all the folks back home, Hank? Hank : Well, Pap fell off a load of hay last sum- mer and broke two ribs and one leg — Jack: That's too bad! Hank: Yep, purty tough on the old man. And ma 's had a terrible misery in her side all summer ; and Millissa had the measles and Ezra got snake bit and one of the Twins had the numony — but otherwise they're all about as well as common. Jack: Say, Hank, how's Harry's father get- ting along since he got all his oil money? Hank: Oh, he's goin' straight to the dogs. 10 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE Jack : Is that so ? Too bad ! Hank: Yep, he's drinkin' and spendin' all his money. Guess Harry won't stay in school much longer if he depends on the old man's keepin' him in money. Say, why don't you matric — what- ever you call it? Jack: I'm going to pretty soon. I was just on my way to have it out with Uncle when you came along. If you can work your v;ay through, so can I ! Here comes Uncle now. So long, Hank. Think I'll be in school before many days. Hank: So long. Better hurry up and matric — whatever you call it. Uncle: Jack, you haint done an hour's work all mornin' and I want this patch cleaned up now purty tolable quick! Jack: Uncle, I've decided to go to school this year. Uncle: Is that so? Kind o' suddint, ain't it? Jack: Yes, that's so, and it's not so very sud- den ! You know my father sent me here with the understanding that you were to let me go to the University, and now I've been here for over a year and you keep putting me off — but now I'm tired of it all and I've decided to go — Uncle: You're getting mighty pert about it all at once, young man? Jack: All right. Uncle, if you won't help me — ■ (Shoulders hoe and starts off L.j Uncle (calming down): Well now, see here, if you've made up your mind to go, guess we can arrange it. You stay and help me nights and mornings and Saturdays — now come on and we'll fix it up, for seems you've made up your mind and reckon you'll have to go. (Exit lJ COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 11 Jack : All right, thank you, Uncle ! (Starts to follow y looks toward school.) I'll show Harry Wil- liams that I can beat him through yet, and beat him out in the 440, too. (Re-enter UncleJ Uncle: What's that you say about 442? Jack: Why, Uncle, that's a race they have in schools — a quarter of a mile, I guess it is, and Harry Williams — son of old man John Williams, you know, who got some oil wells, and sent Harry to school last year, won this race and has made his brags that he can beat me or anyone else, I l)e- lieve, and I want to get a chance at him. Uncle N. : That 's all nonsense, boy. You don 't go to school to train your heels, but your head. Now, if you want to do something worth while, you take that little sorrel boss of mine and banter him for a boss race. They's some excitement and some sense in a boss race, and when you've won, youVe done something to brag about. You can go to school, but don't waste your time runnin' foot races. Come on, let's be movin'. (Exit L.j Jack : Uncle has never seen a real foot race, but if he can see me beat Harry, I bet he'll change his mind. And I'm going to beat him! And there'll be another race, too, and that for the hand of the sweetest girl in West Virginia. (Exit L.; CURTAIN 12 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE ACT II. COLLEGE CAMPUS Very plain setting of trees, with bench at r. ("Harry Williams, "Sport" Swisher, Bill B URCHIN AL, Archie Armstrong, discovered in conversation.) Sport : I say, Harry, who is this young up-start they call Jack that's creating such a stir out on the cinder path? They say he's an old friend of yours. Harry : Old friend of mine, nothing. Who sprung that joke, Archie? Archie: Why, your other friend. Hank Haw- kins. (All the hoys laugh hut Harry, who hecomes angry.) Harry: Just because fellows happen to be from the same county is no reason why they should be considered friends, is it? Bill (looking off u): Here comes your friend, now. Sport: The coach says that your friend Jack is going to make a great quarter-miler some day. Better look out, Harry, or he '11 beat you out in the quarter, and get to go to the conference meet. Harry: That rube? Why, I could beat him without a day's training. (Enter Jack l. and walks across stage in front of others.) Jack: Hello, fellows! Harry, Sport, Archie and Bill (mock cour- tesy): Good morning, Mr. Jamison. Harry: Say, Jackie, don't you wish they would strike oil on your father's farm? Jack: No, not if it made as big fools out of me and my father as it has out of you and your father. Harry (advancing toward him in anger, fol- COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 13 loived by others): Look here, freshman, what do you mean? Jack (calmly) : Just exactly what I said. What are you going to do about it? ("Sport and Bill lead Harry over to l. Archie remains R.) Sport: Come on, kid, and don't kill the fresh- man today. We'll attend to him later. (Exit Jack r.^ ("Bill and Sport leading Harry off Ij.) Harry: Let me go, fellows, I won't stand that insult. (Breaks away from them and rushes over r., where he is stopped by Archie and led back to c.) Archie: Look here, Harry, don't make a fool of yourself. Licking's too good for him. Just let him alone and he'll soon be ripe for the best haz- ing a fresh freshman ever got. Harry: If he ever insults me again I'll not wait for any hazing ceremony, but proceed to punch his impudent face as it deserves. Sport (patting Harry on shoulder): Come on now, that's a game for two, where the other fel- low's got as good a chance to do some punching as you have. Now, the hazing game is different — in it the other fellow has absolutely no show, for he's only one to several. That's the safe game, old boy. We'll help you out with it. Bill: Jack may be a rube, but he's got the sand and he's right there with the goods when it comes to figuring out what old Blackstone meant when he wrote some of his spicy articles on jurispru- dence — Sport: Juriousprudence ! Where did you get onto that large and juicy word, Bill? Bill: Oh, up in the law class. 14 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE Harry: I'll bet that's all the law Bill has learned this term — Bill: Well, we might as well go to the slaugh- ter. Sport : You said the right w^ord that time. Archie: Yes, slaughter of the innocents. Bill: Not one of us guilty — of studying a lick— (Exit R.) (Enter Jean and Fat lJ Jean : Yes, what we want in literature is direct and simple English. Those conglomerated effu- sions of vapid intellects, which posed in lament- able attitudes as the emotional and intellectual ingredients of fictional realism fall far short of the obvious requirements of contemporary de- mands and violates the traditional models of the transcendent minds of the Elizabethan era of glori- ous memory. Plain and simple English is the de- mand of the hour. Fat : You bet yer life it is ! (Exit R.j (Jack re-enters, r. Meets Hank, wlio enters l., carrying a sack and a hook.) Jack: Hello, Hank, where you going? Hank: I'm not goin', I'm just gettin' back. Golly, but them fellers did come near gettin' a joke on me. Told me Avhere we could catch a lot of snipe. So I went with 'em. They told me to bring a sack and so I did, and when we got into what they said was the snipe country they told me to hold the sack open and started off to beatin' around and yellin' for me to hold it open wider, and over the hill they goes. So I begin to think what a fool thing I was doin' so I shut up the sack and started back. Pretty soon I run onto a farmer and he says. COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 15 ''Where you goin' with your sack?" Well, it looked kind o' suspicious, I thought, so I said, "Oh, I'm just out trying to buy some apples," says I. ''Well," says he, "I've got some to sell." So I buys two bushels for 50 cents, carried them over to town and cleared up a dollar on the deal. Here she is, a big shiny dollar, and I needed the money. Jack: You're getting to be a great financier, Hank. Hank : Well, 3^ou see it 's this way : when I feel down in my jeans and don't find a cent it makes me feel so doggone lonesome that I just got to get a little "dough" to keep me company — sort 'o cheers me up. Jack: That's a prett}^ good idea. I'm lone- some most all the time nwself. Let's get to our classes, Hank. Hank: All right. But what '11 I do with this sack? Jack : Ah, throw it away. Hank : Not much ! It 's worth five cents at the least. I've got it! (Throivs down hook, n., pulls off coat, ivraps sack around his body.) Here, Jack, pin her up and she'll be all hunkadoree. Jack (laughing): That's a great stunt, Hank. Turn around and let me see if it show^s. No. It's all 0. K. Hank: I may need that sack to carry my money in some day. (Exeunt r.^ (Eyiter Julia Gordon and Alice Harvey r.j Alice: There goes Jack and Hank. Julia: They are the greenest rubes in school. Alice: They are country boys — both from near my home — and fine boys. Wait a minute so they can't hear, and I'll tell you something. (They 16 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE sit on bench, rJ We all went to the same school in the country, and I always liked Jack, and I think he did me a little, but when Harry Williams' father got rich from his oil wells, Harry came to take me riding in his auto and became my ''steady," and, of course. Jack thought it all off with him, especially since we came to school, and I've Feen going almost every place with Harry. But Jack's worth a dozen of Harry. Harry's money is making an awful fool of him, and I some- times wish I could get rid of him. Julia : Well, why don't you do it? Alice: Listen! I'm going to introduce you to them and you be nice to Hank Julia (laughing) : Me ! Be nice to that greeny ? Alice: Yes; I'm serious. I've known lots of girls to marry the man they once laughed at. You get acquainted with them and you can help me out. (They rise and go off rear n.) Julia (laughing) : That would be a joke, wouldn't it? (^Hank comes round corner lookirig for his hook — picks it up as Julia says this, and hears it): The man I marry must be a hero and have a hauk account. Hank: Golly, don't guess I have any show then. I'm going to have the bank account all right, but I never was very strong on the hero business. I kind o' like that girl, too. Guess the thing for me to do is to work like blazes for the money, and trust to luck to get to perform the hero act. (Exit R.) (^Dan Martin and Jess Baker enter from r. and Fat L.j Fat: Hello, fellows, have you seen that new COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 17 kid, Jack Somebody, run the quarter? Believe me, he's some class, that boy is! Dan: Do you think he has any show to beat out Harry Williams in the try-out tomorrow? Fat: That's what he has. He'll put it all over Harry. Jess: And that'll break Harry's heart— if he has any. Fat: Harry's been drinking and smoking too much, I understand. The coach says tomorrow will teach him a lesson. Says he knows Harry smokes and carouses around, and that he's going to have Jack run him to death. Coach thinks pretty well of Jack. Jess: I understand there's a little romance mixed up in it. That Jack and Harry are in love with the same girl, or something like that — never heard the particulars. Dan: Anyway, it'll be worth seeing them run it out tomorrow. Fat: So long, fellows. See you at the try-out tomorrow. (Exit R.) Dan and Jess: You bet we'll be there. Good- bye, Fat. (Exit L.j ( Enter Cute and Sport l. j Sport: Miss Carney, did you ever see Uncle Tom's Cabin? . CuTE: Just saw the roof once — it was awfully cute. Sport: I'm speaking of the play Cute: Yes, I played it at a party once — aw- fully cute play. (Exit YL.) (Enter Uncle l., President u.) Uncle Nute: I'm a lookin' for the President 18 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE of this here institootion. Maybe you kin tell me where I can find him. President: I am he. Uncle Nute: You am he is — am you? Then you are him — I mean you are he I'm lookin' fer. President: Very well, Sir, what can I do for you? Uncle Nute: Mr. President, I come here to ask why my nephew, Jack Jamison, spends so much time trainin' fer track, as he calls it, when I need him to help me on the farm. President : That, Sir, I cannot tell you. You will have to see the coach. Uncle Nute: See the coach? Who in tarna- tion is the coach ? I persoomed the President was boss, but you seem to have to have somebuddy to coach you how to run the institootion, is it? Well, I want it understood right novr, that I send that boy here to get his head trained, not his heels. President : You, Sir, are laboring under a misapprehension. This school stands for a sound mind in a sound body, therefore, we encourage all athletics of a manly character. Boys must have their exercise and fun in some form, and the athletics of this school furnish it to them in the best possible manner. Uncle Nute: Exercise, is it? I can give him all the exercise he needs, workin' on the farm. President: Sir, you seem to have forgotten the old adage, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." I understand Jack is a very ex- cellent runner, and my advice to you is to let him have an opportunity to make good with the fel- lows, and, perhaps, he will get some trips with the team that will afford him pleasure and be of great profit to him in an educational way. COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 19 Uncle Nute: Educational nothing. He can learn a lot of things workin' for me President : Perhaps he doesn 't care to learn those things Uncle Nute: He otto. President : Pardon me, but I might use your own argument, and say you ought to know some of the things he wants to know Uncle Nute: Haint no use arguin' the mat- ter. I don't want Jack a runnin' no foot races when he could jes' as well be runnin' chores, and if you are goin' to side in with him, I'll see Mr. Coach, or whatever his name is. President: Very well. Sir, but don't be too hard on the boy — remember what you liked when you were a boy? Uncle Nute: Yes, I do! Liked boss racin'! and I like it yit! But this fool foot racin' — haint nothin' to it and I don't want none of my relations a runnin' of 'em, either. And if you don't put a stop to it, I will, by gosh! President: I don't think I can do anything in the case, but I'm glad you came over, and hope you'll come and see us again. Good morning. Sir. (Exit L.; Uncle Nute (looking after him): Well, I'll be jiggered! Come here lookin' for a fuss, and to have it end like that! But hang it all, I'll stop Jack's foot racin' yit. Now, see if I don't. (Exit R.) (Enter Fat, r., running): Come on, the rest of you fellows, hurry up, there, or Prexy'll be after us. (As Uncle exits, he is run into and knocked down by Fat. Gets up in a rage, pulls off coat, throirs it down, pxdls off hat and throws it doivn, spits on hands, shoves up sleeves.) 20 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE Uncle N. : What in tarnation do you mean, knockin' a feller down when he's tendin' to his own business! I'll knock you so blamed fur you won't get back fur a week! Fat : I beg your pardon, Mister. Boys: Stay with him. Old Man. Fat did it on purpose. Jack (rushing in and shoving hoys right and left): Stop that, will you, fellows! This is my uncle ! (Boys are surprised.) Uncle: Jack, are you one of these young ruf- fians ? Jack (handing his uncle coat and hat): No, Uncle, they're not ruffians — who ran into uncle, boys ? Fat: I did. Jack, and I beg his pardon. I didn't see him. Uncle: And I didn't see you neither, so it's all right, young man (shakes Fat's hand). No harm done. (To JackJ: I was lookin' fur you. Jack. I was afeard you was out runnin' foot races — Jack: Not today. Uncle. Uncle: Well, I'm glad you're not, but I must be going! (Exit lu.) Fat: I'm awfully sorry. Jack, but really I didn't see him. Others: We're all sorry. Jack: That's all right. Uncle has a pretty hot temper, but he's all right. Fat: Well, fellows, we got ahead of Prexy that time. Now, let me explain for the benefit of these freshies. It's an unwritten law that if a Prexy is not on hand promptly at class time we all ditch. That's why we're here, and since COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 21 we are here, we're going to celebrate over the winning of our first law case. Come on, let's celebrate by singing a few songs. Archie: Say, fellows, before we sing, let me tell you a good one on Fat. Fat: Oh, cut it out, will you? Nobody wants to hear your nonsense. ("Several Boys; : Shut up. Fat. ("Other Boys;.- Go on, Archie. ("Fat starts toivard Archie, but the hoys shove him hack.) Archie: Fat's sore because he lost a dollar on a bet. Sport: How's that. Arch? Archie: That's the plot of the story, so to speak. You all know Fat's girl talks like a house a-fire — ("Voices; : Well, I should say she does. Dan: She's a regular hummer, etc. Archie: The other day I bet Fat a dollar he couldn't get in ten words while they walked from her house to the school grounds. Fat (trying to get at Archie;: Cut that out, Kid! Dan: That's highway robbery. Arch, to take money like that — Archie : Fat called for her as he went to school and had a good dozen words all fixed up. Of course she was talking when they met, so he thought he'd wait until the end of the first paragraph. But there were no paragraphs, so he decided to butt in at the first period. But she sailed on, so Fat determined to try and edge in at a colon, but it was only a dash, and the way she went. Fat became desperate, anticipated a semicolon in time to say: "Once I was," but she headed him off and sailed away on a perfectly 22 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE new line of talk Avithout the formality of any punctuation whatever and Fat edged in on a comma and said, "Once I," but that was as far as he got, for she was now soaring on about astronomy, and poor Fat saw that dollar fading away as they were within a few yards of the col- lege grounds, so he didn't wait for even a comma, but broke in at a poetical pause, but there was only time to say ''Once," so Fat was down and out, for he had but six words to his credit. (All laugh.) (Expressions of ''Too had, Fat/^ Dan: Fat'U have an awful time proposing, won't he? Fat (angry): Don't listen to that rot. Let's have some music. (Any kind of songs, preferably college songs, may he introduced — quartette, solo, chorus, etc.) (They sing.) Sport: Look who's coming, fellows. (All look off L.; All: Come on, girls, and join our happy fam- ily of the unemployed. (^Fat subsides and Sport takes the leadership.) (Enter girls. Girls and hoys greet each other ivith "Hello, hoys; hellow, girls,'' some call- ing each other hy name. Harry works his way round to Alice, hut she pays little at- tention to him, ivatching Jack. Alice and Jack^s eyes meet occasionally, hut they im- mediately look elsewhere. Fat ivorks his way to Jean; Sport to Cute.j Sport : Say, girls, we boys have just been sing- ing a little, but suppose you girls are scared to sing on the campus. Girls : Well, I should say we are not. Sport: All right, then let's have a song. Girls: All right, boys, we're game. COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 23 GiRL: Let's sing this one, that we have for class today, and then if they catch us we will just tell them we are practicing our lesson. (Any songs may he sung and any number of girls can sing that may he desired. In the first production six girls, dressed in tennis costume and carrying rackets, sang.) Sport: Let's all sing something. Come on, everybody join in. (All sing.) Sport : Let 's waken up this old school with a class yell. All together, one, two, three (sloivly): Rah, rah, ru, W. V. u. Sis! Boom! Ah! West Virginia. Sport: (to Cutej: Isn't that a great yell? Cute: I think it's awfully cute! Jean : Yonder comes Prexy. (Girls. Siihdued screams. Rush wildly off. Boys decide to take their medicine and show the girls hoiv hrave they are.) Fat (peeps out from hehind wing): Don't go, girls, we'll protect you. (Enter President r.^ President : What are you young men doing out here during recitation hours? All (dragging Fat up to President j; Ex- plain, Fat, you got us out here. Fat (advancing toward President^; Well, you see. Prof. (Boys urge him on.) President : Yes, and I also heard. Fat: Well, you see, Prexy wasn't in his class room and I was — President : Go, on. Sir. 24 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE (Boys still urging Fat and disgusted at his stam- mering.) Fat (stammering): I was, I was — afraid to trust these youngsters — so many of them are freshmen — afraid to trust them in there, as I was, that is, I was, you know, as I was, afraid they'd break up the furniture and things, so I brought them out here to, to preserve order. President: Very well. Sir, and now that order has been preserved, come along with me to the office and we'll do a little canning. (^President stands r. and hoys pass out.) CURTAIN. COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 25 ACT III. Athletic field, showing part of the quarter-mile track, hoard wall at rear, about seven feet high, except at each end, where it should he just high enough to see over. College try-out for representatives at the confer- ence meet. College yells of Rah, rah, ru. Old gold and hlue, Sis^ hoom, ah Tiger, before rise of curtain. Sport, Bill and Archie on stage R. of c. when curtain rises. The girls who sing in Act II. can be used in this act to help with yells and fill up stage at the finishes. There should be four or five hoys, not in the regular cast, to act as judges, time- keepers, etc. (Enter Dad White and Sam Wilson, Swipe, a small boy in big sweater.) Dad (looking at watch): It's time to begin this try-out. (To Sam;.- Go tell those hundred-yard dash fellows to come on. (Exit Sam r.; We're going to start these races right away and any fellows who want to represent Old Gold and Blue at the conference meet must show me today what they can do. Come on here, you fellows — you'll have to move faster than that if you expect to win any hundred-yard dashes. (Enter r.— Sam and Ed Baily, Jess Roberts, John Long — in track suits.) Sport: Let's go over and see the finish. ("Sport, Bill and Archie cross over and exit L.j Dad : Come on now and see if you can do any- 26 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE thing in the finals. Are you judges ready down there? (Faint answers, "All ready.") Go to your marks, get set (fires gun). ("Ed, Jess and John start run off lJ (Yells in the distance, "Come on Ed, you've got him, Jess; pass him, John, old scout. Good hoy, Eddie/ ^ Yells, "What's the matter with Eddie f He's all light! Who's all right? Eddie/ ^V Dad (to Samj; Tell the milers to be ready as soon as we run these hurdles. Here, you fellows, help get up these hurdles. Sam: All right. Coach. (Hurries off.) (Enters Ed, Jess and John, in bath robes.) Dad: Who won? Jess and John: Eddie. Dad: What was the time? John: Ten, three. Dad : I thought so ! You fellows run like a lot of old broken-down draft horses. Go and get a rubdown while we get up the low hurdles and let's see if you can't do something. Put up those hurdles down there. Get a move on yourselves. Here's the place for the last ones! (Fixes three hurdles in c. of stage. Looking off 'l.) Set that fourth hurdle over. No! (Waves hand) the other way! There! Whoa! not so far, you bone- heads! Straighten those others up! That's too far! Sam, go down there and show them how to fix 'em. (Tivo hurdles can be used, two men jumping the same hurdle.) Sam : All right, Dad, you bring on the guys that's goin"^ to run. I'll have 'em ready by the time you get 'em. Hey, there, you set that hurdle over to the right down there. Whoa. (Goes off l. COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 27 strutting, saying): Guess I'll have to go down and show them boneheads how to do it. Dad (looks off n.): Come on, you hurdlers. (Enter Jess, John and Ed, who cross and exit L.j Dad: You judges and timers, go up there to the finish. ("Dad exits to start race.) (Judges and timers exit r. Students cross hack and forth waiting for race to start. Enter Sport and Cute -l.) Sport: Isn't it great the way Eddie's been run- ning the hurdles? CuTE: It's awfully cute! (Crosses over to u.) (Enter Fat, Archie and Dan, l.j Archie: Fat, I bet you a dollar you can't jump that hurdle. Fat: I'll take that bet. Put up your dollar. Archie: Here you go. Hold the stakes, Dan. (Each hand Dan a dollar.) You'll pay if you bet, will you. Fat? Fat : Yes, of course, I will. What do you take me for? Archie: All right, he's bet, give me the money. ("Dan hands it to him and they run off l.. Fat after them.) Fat : Come back here, you robbers. (Faint sound of gun.) Sport (turning): There's the gun; they're off! Here they come! ("Sport and students off R. yell, "Come on, Ed; come on, Jess; come on, Nick. They cross the hurdles almost together. Sev- eral fellows cross from l. to R., all asking each other who ivon and talking about the race.) Sam (march in an important manner): Here, you kids, get these hurdles off the cinder path, will you? (Boys remove them.) 28 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE Dad: Tell the runners to hurry on out. Sam: All right. (Rushes out r.) Hey, you long distance guys — (Enter Nick Blake, Tom Jones, r.) Dad: Are you the only fellows for the mile? Whereas Dick Allen? (Enter Jack Jamison, r.) Jack: Dick is laid up with the grip. Doctor says he can't be out for a week. He told me to tell you to get someone to run in his place. Coach, Hank Hawkins over there is a great miler. He can run a mile and never draw a long breath. Nick: Bring him over and we will see that he gets one good long breath, anyway. Dad: Are you fellows willing to let him run? Tom : Sure, we '11 be delighted. Dad: Go and see if he'll enter this race. (Exit Jack, l.j Tom : We 've seen those farmer boys before, hey, old SOX? NiCK: You bet we have, and sent 'em back to the hay, too, believe me. Dad: You fellows never mind. If he can run at all he can beat you, if you don't show up better than you .have been. (Enter Jack and Hank, u) Jack: This is Hank Hawkins, Coach. Dad: You ever run a mile in your life? Hank: Yep. Guess I must a-run two when Old Man Kelly's bull chased me once. (Enter Sam, r.) Dad: Cut the funny business. Sam, get him a track suit. Sam: Here's one. (Hands it to Hank, tvho ex- amines it. Throws it hack.) COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 29 Hank: I don't need none of your bathin' suits. I'll just slip off my shoes (sits down and pulls off shoes) and run in my sock feet. (Throws off coat and vest, displaying hig red suspenders ; stoops over and rolls up trousers.) I'm ready now. Wliere you start from? Dad: Over there by those fellows. Jack: Listen to the coach, Hank, and do ex- actly what he tells you. Hank: All right. Jack. ("Hank goes over where Nick and Tom are lined up.) Hank: Gee! You fellows are about half -naked, ain't you? Dad: Go to your marks. Hank: I don't see any marks. Jack: He means the line there. Dad: Shut up. Go to your marks, now set— (^Hank sits down). Hank: Gosh, I'm not tired yet, but guess a lit- tle rest won't hurt none. I'll have to follow in- structions, though. Dad: "What are you doin' there, you bonehead? Hank (rising) : Well, you told us to get set and I'm tryin' to follow instructions. Dad: That simply means for you to get ready to start. Hank: Oh, I got you now, and I'm ready for the word ''Go!" Dad: Go to your marks, get set — (fires gun. Nick and Tom start; Hank turns round to coach). Hank : Who shot that pistol ? Did anybody get hit? Dad: What in the — whoa, there! Come back, you fellows. 30 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE Jack: Look here, Coach, this is the first track meet my friend Hank here ever saw and he simply don't understand it and you haven't explained it to him. Out in the country they line up, the starter either drops a hat or a handkerchief or says, ''All ready, one, two, three, go." Hank: That's right. Coach; I don't seem to get the hang of things. I never even heard you say ''Go." Dad: I didn't say "Go," and I'm not going to say ' ' Go. ' ' The way we start is this : Get to j^our marks, get set, and then fire a pistol and that's your signal to start. I suppose you'll be jumping the gun the next thing! (^Nick and Tom return disgustedly.) Hank: I won't jump no gun, not if I think it is loaded. Dad: We'll try it just once more. Go to your marks, get set (fires gun). They all start. Sport: Look at that long-legged galloot run! Boy, he'll run his fool head off before the race has begun. (All look around end of hoard fence, u) Jack: Don't you fellows worry about that. Sport: Oh, we're not worryin' a bit. Archie: Nick and Tom will play with him un- til the last lap and then there'll be nothing left of the mountaineer. Sport: Nothing left but himself and he'll be left about a quarter. (Crowd crosses and looks off R.) Archie: A quarter! That'll be more money than he ever had all at once in his life. (Enter Hank — stops.) Hank: Gee, that was a short mile! COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 31 Jack: That's only a quarter, Hank — go on — three more laps — take it a little slower. Hank: Oh, they're easy. (Starts on.) (Enter Nick and TomJ Sport : Keep it up, fellows, and lay for him in the last lap. Dad: What do you think of that. Fat? Fat : Think the wild man from the mountains will win hands down. Fat (crotvding to see over fence, n., gets in front of Archie^. Archie: Get out of my light, Fat. I can't see through you. Fat: That's funny; Ma says she can. Hank (enter Hankj; Chalk me up another round. Sport: You better save your breath — you'll need it before this race is over. (Enter Nick and Tom.; Bill: Running nice and smooth, old sports — one more lap and then go after him. Don't let him get too much of a lead, though ! (Enter Julia and Alice, r.) Julia: Go on. Hank! Alice: I thought you didn't like rubes. Julia: Who said I did? Alice: Nobody. But why so excited? Julia: He's just interesting, and they say he'll be Governor or President some day. Alice: It would be nice to live in the Gover- nor's mansion or Washington — Julia: It wouldn't be so bad. Jack (off r. to Hankj ; Only one more, old man. 32 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE Speed up a little and show these fellows a trick or two. (Enter Hank.J Hank: All right, Jack. (Enter Nick ayid Tom, hoth tired.) Dad (fires gun). (To Jack^; Jack, why don't you go and get ready for the 440? Jack : I 'd like to see this finish first, Coach. Dad: I can tell you how it will be right now. That friend of yours is the greatest natural run- ner I've ever seen. Look there at him comin' now. Those other fellows have no more show beatin' him than Fat, over there, would have. Get up your tape, fellows. (Tico hoys stretch tape across track.) Sport (looking off n.): That fellow can run, can't he? Look at him come! Jack : Come on. Hank, old boy, sprint it out ! (Enter Hank ayid stops before crossing the tape.) Jack: Cross the tape, Hank. Hank: Hold her down, fellows, I'm not very good on the high jump. Jack: You don't have to jump it, just break it. Hank: I'll break it, but blamed if I'll pay for it. (Runs against tape, comes hack, led hy Jack.J (When Hank ivins, Julia hugs Alice in her en- thusiasm.) Hank: Wonder what's detainin' them other fellows? Oh, there they come. Where are my shoes and hat and coat and vest? (Enter Sam r. excitedly.) Sam : Here they are. (Enter Nick and Tom r., nearly exhausted.) COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 33 ('Sport and Archie, carrying hath rohes. Hank sits down and puts on shoes, then other ap- parel.) (Enter Nick and Tom, l., in hath rohes, led hy Sport and Archie across stage): Hard luck, fellows, you'll beat him next time. Dad (to Hankj: Can't you come out and train regularly ? Hank : I dunno. It keeps a fellow pretty busy when he has to make a living and study a little now and then. Say, if you have any laundry to send away I'd like to get your business. And I just got the agency for a clothing house and can sell you a dandy suit of clothes from ten dollars up — some of 'em go as high as twenty dollars, but I wouldn't insist on you spendin' that much just for a suit of clothes. Dad: I'll talk to you some time, but you come out Monday evening after school for a few min- utes. Hank: All right, Mr. 1 don't believe I know your name. Dad: Just Dad will do. Hank: All right, Dad, maybe I will — but don't forget about the laundry and suit — I can get you a dandy pair of pants for $2.50 — special bargain price. The company makes them to order. (Exit.) Dad : He 's a peculiar duck, ain 't he ? But he '11 make a runner some day and maybe a millionaire. Where are those 220 men? Go tell them to hurry on out. (Exit Sam, r.) (Enter Hank.j a4 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE Hank : By the way, I forgot to tell you that we guarantee them pants to fit. (Exits. Enter Jess John and Edy, r.) Dad: Come on here and let's see if you fellows can do anything in the 220. (Enter Hank.^ Hank (to coach) : And the suits are guaranteed, too. Fit, workmanship, goods and everything. (Exit.) Dad (to Hank^; That's good. (To runners): We'll start up yonder and finish here. fJESS, John, Ed and Dad cross and exit, h.) Joe : I '11 take the first man ; you take second, Bill. Don't need any more, as the other man will be third. Judge: Clear the track here, fellows; they are getting ready to start. (Waves hat; faint report of gun is heard.) Bill: Look out; here they come. (Fellows crowd around finish point.) Get back there. (Cries of ''Come on, Ed; beat him to it. Kid; you've got 'em, old boy!" Runners come in — Ed first, Jess second, John third.) Fat: Now we'll have a real race, fellows. If you have any bad money that you want to get rid of put it up on Harry Williams, for that boy Jack's goin' to show him his heels all the way round. Sport : What do you know about a foot race, Fat? Fat: Not much, but at that I have forgotten more about it than you and your whole family ever knew. Sport: You're a very knowing young thing, aren't you? Let me tell you something that you will be glad to forget — Harry will beat that COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 35 friend, Jack, of yours, hands down. (Enter Harry and Jack J Dad : This will be the start and finish of the quarter — the last race for today. Are you judges ready ? Timers ! Fat (to Jackj; Take the pole, Jack, and run it out. Harry's had too many cigarettes and too many late hours to stand a stiff pace. Go to it from the crack of the gun and you'll get him easy. Jack: All right. Fat. Dad : Come on, you ! Get on your marks, get set. (Fires pistol and they are off. All rusli to L. and look.) Fat: Look at that jackrabbit run. I told you fellows he was some runner. Sport: Yes, but you know he can't keep that pace up. Fat : You just keep your peepers on him and see. Archie: Ah, Fat, you make me tired. (All cross over r. c.) Fat : You 're not half as tired as Harry will be when he finishes this quarter — if he's lucky enough to finish. (Enter Uncle N., u) Uncle N. : Is Jack Jamison around here ? JOE: He and Harry are running. Come and see the race of a lifetime, old man ! Uncle N. : Runnin ' them fool foot races again ! Now if it was a boss race — Archie: Look! Harry's passing Jack. Uncle N. : What 's that ? No boy a livin ' can outrun Jack. (Runs and looks over r.) "Come 36 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE on there, Jack, you rascal." (Runs off R., yelling, ''Run, you rascal, run.") (Girls, among them Alice, rush toward finish.) Alice: Come on. Jack, come on! (Keeps it up until after the finish.) Dad: Get back here and give them room for the finish — hold that tape up there. (Cries of ''Here they come! Come on, Harry; sprint it out. Come on, Jack.^'j Fat: Harry is stumbling — he'll never finish — just a little more, old boy! ("Jack crosses the tape, followed hy Uncle N., hat in hand, yelling, "Go on, you rascal, run,'' etc. A few seconds later Harry falls head- long before reaching the tape. Crowd rushes up. Dad orders the crowd to stand hack, turns Harry over on his hack.) D.U) : Bring that bottle, Sam. (Enter Sam with liniment hottle — hands it to Dad. Pours some of the liniment from hottle on his hand and holds it over Harry's nose. Harry gasps for hreath. Enter Uncle N. and Jack l. Uncle, with arm about Jack's shoulders.) Uncle N. : Some of them fellers seemed to think that dude could outrun you, Jack, but they can't any of 'em do it, I tell you! (Looks at Harry.j That youngster seems to be all tuckered out. Spect he 's been smokin ' cigarettes or drinkin ' this here soda water. I tell ye, Jack, a boss race furnishes a feller with a little mild amusement, but a foot race jes' naturally beats everything on earth for real interest and excitement. Jack: I'm glad you got to see one, Uncle. (Goes up and looks at Harry.^ Too bad. Is he all right, Coach? Dad: Yes, he'll come around in a few minutes. COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 37 Jack : If I can do anything, let me know. (Exit Jack and Uncle n.) Harry : Turn on the light ! Turn on the light, I say. How do you expect a fellow to run in the dark. Let go of my feet! I can't run with you fellows hangin' on to me. Let go, I tell you. I've got to win this race — don't you know I have? I've got to win this race or lose her. Water! My throat — my lungs — they're on fire — water — put 'em out — don't you see they're blazing? Help! Now I'll get him— on the last sprint — but it's get- ting dark; I can't see him — yes, yes; I must have passed him — but I can't see the tape — where is it — ^yes, yes; I must have passed it — I've won — (Sits up and looks wildly about.) Did I beat him? Dad: Beat nothin'. Harry: Did that jay beat me? Dad: He and cigarettes and carousing around did. ("Harry slowly rises and walks off r., sup- ported hy Dad. All leave stage hut Sport, Bill and Archie.^ Sport: That young upstart, Jack Jamison, has got to be taught a lesson this very night. Bill: We've got to haze him sooner or later, and we'd just as well do it tonight. Archie: Let's meet at Harry's room tonight. (Going off r.) Sport : All right, tonight at eight— then as Bill Shakespeare or somebody said — ''Mischief, thou art afoot — take thou what course thou wilt." CURTAIN 38 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE ACT IV. JACK'S ROOM Night after the try-out. Jack seated at table studying. Jack: Now I suppose Harry and his crowd will make good their threats and try to haze me sure enough! I wish I could baffle them and at the same time teach them all a lesson. Let me see. How can I do it? (Thinks.) I have it! I'll pre- tend I'm writing a story and when they come I'll get them to let me tell it to them; then I'll tell them about Harry's and my boyhood days to- gether, which I believe will appeal to their better selves. (Starts writing. Door opens and Harry, Sport, Archie, Bill and Dan, all masked, enter.) Jack: Hellow. fellows! Sit down and make yourselves at home. Harry: Oh, cut it out and come along with us. Jack (aside): That's Harry.' What's your hurry, fellows? Harry: Bring him along, you guys. Jack : Let me tell you this little story that I 've been working on and if you don't think it worth finishing, then I'll go along with you. Archie: \Yhat kind of a story is it? Jack: A little tragedy — Harry: He's writing it for Puck. Come on with him. Sport: Let's hear this story, boys; he may nev- er write another. All but Harry: Let's have the storv. COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 39 Harry (is nervous, yells): ''Come on, you cow- ards!" Others: Shut up. Come on and hear a good story. Jack: Thank you, boys, I'll make it just as short as possible to get in the main facts. Bill : Go to it, old scout, this is our busy night. Jack: Two boys were born on adjoining farms back in the hills, at about the same time. They grew up together, played together, went to the same school, sat together and fought for each other, until they had almost reached manhood. Just to help make the story intelligible we will call one Jack and one Harry — (^Harry makes a motion as if to speak, but catches himself) — al- though that was not their real names. I told you they were schoolmates. Well, one evening they were going home from school, to- gether as usual. Harry's home was located across a creek from the main road. A foot log served as a crossing. This particular evening the water was running high in the creek, making a very dangerous crossing. Jack tried to persuade Harry not to cross, but he laughed at his friend's fears and started over. Jack stood on the bank anx- iously w^atching him. AVhen Harry had reached the middle, he began to totter. Jack called to him, "Harry, sit down!" but he did not hear. Jack sprang to the log and started to the rescue, but before he could reach him, Harry fell into the stream, to what seemed certain death. Jack, perhaps from pure excitement, threw off his coat and plunged after. I will not give you all the de- tails of that terrible struggle to reach the shore, but somehow" it was reached and the two boys 40 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE were carried to Harry's home where they were revived. When Harry learned how his life had been saved by his chum, he took Jack's hand and said, with eyes full of tears, heart full of thanks and admiration: "Jack, you saved my life and I want to tell you right now that I shall always be at your service, and whenever there's a chance for me to even up things I'm goin' to do it. Noth- ing on earth can ever make me go back on you, Jack." (^Jack stops; turns aivay.) Archie: Go on and finish the story — what be- came of the kids? Jack: You remember I told you Jack and Harry wasn't their real names — well, that is true — one's name was Henry and the other John, but they called them Jack and Harry — I'm Jack, and your leader there is Harry (jerking off Harry ^s mask). This is the boy whose life I saved and who now comes to pay his debt of gratitude — this is the— All: Let's haze him! Jack (steps in front of Harry j; No, boys, you sha'n't do that. Archie (advances): We will, too. Jack: No, you don't! (^Archie advances again. Jack knocks him down.) Jack: Now, if any of the rest of you want a similar dose, come on — when I finish this story 3^ou can do what you like. Archie (rubbing his head): Better let him fin- ish the story, boys. Jack: Now, don't think too hard of my friend Harry, boys, for really he is a fine fellow at heart, and the only trouble now is that his dad's money has gone to his head. The fact is, old Mother Na- COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 41 ture played him a low down trick when she de- posited a pool of oil under his father's farm. Be- fore the oil made them rich, they were about the best folks in our part of the country, and if a kind Providence would stop that flow of oil before it's too late, they would return to their proper place. But I must return to my story. When I was a little kid my mother died, and Harry's mother was the one who cared for me and soothed my aching heart. That dear old lady has remained unspoiled by the sudden appearance of wealth, and today she is proud of her son, thinking him still the noble young man he was and — Harry: Jack! Jack! Don't say any more. I see it now — I see what a fool I've been, and mother shall never have any further reason to be disappointed in me. Boys, Jack is right, and what's more he's the best friend a fellow ever had. Jack, old boy, I'll not ask you to forgive me — that would be asking too much — Jack: That's all right, Harry. I haven't lost faith in you — Harry: Thanks, Jack, from now on I'm going to play the game according to the rules — I'll cut out the things that have helped to make a fool and weakling of me, and from now on you've got to beat the boy you knew before Dad struck oil. Jack (laughing): Go to it, old boy. While we fight it out. Old Gold and Blue will have a first and second in the 440; I'll beat you if I can, but if you win I'll be the first to congratulate you-^ if I'm able to walk to you. Harry: Same here, old boy, put her there. (They shake hands.) 42 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE Jack: Boys! Don't ever breath a word o| what's happened here tonight. You won't, will you? All: You bet we won't. Goodnight, Jack. Jack: Goodnight, fellows, come and see me again. (^Jack follows Harry to door. Harry turns and tries to speak, hut is unahle to do so. Grasps Jack^s hand and goes out in silence.) Jack (sit^ at table — studies. Knock at door): Come in ! (Enter Fat, Nick and JoE.j All: Hello, Jack! Fat: Well, take a squint at that! (Pointing at Jack. J A freshman studying after winning the hardest race of the day ! Jack: What else is there to do? Fat: Innocent young thing! Why, Kid, don't you know the proper thing to do is to get out on the street where people can see you and say as they pass, ''There's the chap that won the 440 in the try-out today — and tell the admiring multi- tude how you did it?" NiCK: Jack's not built that way. Fat. Track's not his major anyhow. He's majoring in law, same as you. Fat : Studying law, Kid ? Jack: Trying to, but I don't seem to get the hang of Blackstone. Fat: That's me. I used to get so bum-fuzzled when I was a freshman that I had a notion to drop law and take up agriculture. JoE: You gave up a good notion. Fat. Fat: Oh, you make me tired — therefore I shall lie down and rest. (Lies down on cot.) COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 43 NiCK: Harry and his bunch are awfully sore at you, Jack. Better watch out or they may try to haze you. Jack: Oh, I don't think so. Harry and I — in fact, all of us are pretty good friends. JoE: I wouldn't trust 'em very far. Fat : By the way, won 't you fellows have some- thing to eat? (^Fat rises). My uncle sent me a box for winning my race and I haven't touched it. Fat : Did I hear somebody say eat, or was I dreaming ? Joe: You w^ere dreaming, lie down and dream that you are eating. ("Jack gets box.) Fat : This is no dream if I am half asleep — it's too good for a dream. Jack (passing things out): Here, Fat, have a small piece of pie. (Gives him a large piece of pie.) Fat: Thanks greatly for small favors. (Sits and eats.) Apple pie, by gum! (Eats greedily. Other hoys eat cakes, fruit, etc.) (Knock at door.) Jack: Come in. (Enter Hank.^ All: Hello, Hank, just in time. Jack: Have a piece of cake, Hank — just got a box from Uncle. Hank: My life is saved! Don't you know, 1 was so doggoned hungry that I don't honestly be- lieve I would have lived over night. Fat (with mouthful of pie, makes signs and tries to say): Give him some apple pie — finest truck you ever set a tooth in — 44 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE (^Fat is getting sleepy , hut continues to eat pie.) Jack: I told the coach you were a streak when it comes to running the mile — guess he believes me now. Hank: And I know he knows you are some pumpkin in the quarter, eh, boys. Joe and Nick: You bet he does. Jack: What's your latest money-making scheme, Hank? Hank : Well, I got a lease on a farm for oil and gas and if they strike oil in a new well that's goin' down I'll be a regular John D. Rockefeller. But that's only a side line. I've got the agency for a book (produces hook) — the title of this book is ''Household Knowledge." It contains over five hundred pages and one hundred beautiful illus- trations put up in the beautiful and attractive form which I now hold before you. Upon open- ing the book, we find first the title page in clear, bold type; then we have the table of contents in which you will see the book treats of every sub- ject that is of vital interest and every day use in the home — such as how to get a home; how to keep it home-like; how to raise garden truck; mortgages and umbrellas; how to make sausage, sauerkraut and love; how to tell the age of a horse, cow or woman. This is only a brief out- line of a very small portion of the greatest book of the age. Price, in leather binding, only $4.95. Of course, we have a cloth binding, at $3.65, but people of your class usually prefer the leather — just sign right there. (All laugh.) Hank: Some speech, ain't it? Jack: That sounds like it ought to sell 'em. Hank: Honestly, fellows, when I rehearse that COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 45 speech, I get so worked up that I've signed a con- tract myself every time I go through it. (^Fat has finished his pie and has fallen asleep and is snor- ing.) NiCK: Say, fellows, let's play a joke on Fat. All: All right. JOE: I tell you, let's make him a mustache and goatee, like Prof. Gaudet (Goday) wears. Jack: It's a shame to do it, but I'll get you some shoe blacking. Who wants it? NiCK: I'm game. Give it here. (^Nick takes the blacking and approaches cautiously. As he applies it Fat turns his head uneasily and brushes away an imaginary fly. But the job is com- pleted.) (All the boys take a look with suppressed laughter.) Hank: He shore does look like that French Prof. what's his name? Nick : Now watch me wake him. (Gets a broom splint and tickles Fat's neck. Fat fights imag- inary flies. Finally wakens in a rage. All the fellows are innocently talking.) Fat: Who in thunder did that? All: Did what, Fat? Fat: You knov/, you low down mischievous curs. If you weren't a lot of cowards I'd lick — (Advances toward mirror and sees reflection.) Fat: I beg your pardon. Professor. How did you come to be in this den of rascals — (extends hand, which comes in contact with glass — rubs hand over the glass, then over his own face, then turns on the fellows in a rage.) You infernal scoundrels! I'll murder the last one of you. 46 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE (Makes for Jack, wJio rushes behind cot; then after Hank, who sets a chair in front of him and Fat falls over it, arises and ruhs shin.) Ouch ! Gosh darn you, now I will kill somebody! (Makes another rush, hut all elude him. He grabs pillows and tJirows them at the boys, finally stop- ping in front of the mirror again — looks — laughs.) That's a pretty good one on me, boys. (Curls mustache.) Now I'll go out and get even by scaring the life out of some freshmen. Au revoir, zhentlemen. NiCK: Come on, boys, let's go and see the fun. JoE: All right. Jack: Sorry I can't go, but I got to study. Hank: Guess I'll stay and see that he does. Goodnight. (Exeunt Joe, Nick and Fat.^ Hank: Say, Jack, do you know Miss Julia San- ders ? Jack: Yes, I know her slightly. Alice intro- duced us the other day. Why? Hank: Well, Alice gave me a '"knock-down" to her and, to tell the truth, I kind o' fell in love with her. But. you see, I happen to know that she won't marry anyone that isn't a hero and got a bank account. Jack: AYell, you'd be a hero, all right. Hank, if you ever got a chance. Some day you'll have a bank account. Hank: Yes, I'm not worrying about the bank account because that oil lease is going to make that — then I've been dabbling a little in real es- tate and got an option yesterday that I'll turn over at a profit — but that hero business gets my COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 47 goat. See if you can't figure out something, somehow. I'd do anything from tackling a mad dog to stopping a runaway. Well, I must be go- ing. Promised to measure up some fellows for some suits after the show tonight. Jack: Any news from back home? Hank (standing m door): No, nothing; only heard the other day Harry Williams' old man was just about all in physically and financially. Jack: That's too bad! Hank: Why should you worry? Jack: I wouldn't worry if he should lose his money, because that would help make Harry the man he used to be, but I wouldn't want anything else happen to him. Hank: Well, goodnight. Jack. Don't forget about that hero stunt. Jack: Goodnight, Hank. (Exit Hank.^ (^Hank re-enters.) Hank: Say, Jack, don't tell her about the time old man Kelly's bull chased me. I wish he'd try it again and she was a-lookin'. I'd kill that bul] or die myself! (Exits.) Jack (sitting at table thinking). Jack: Well, this has been a great day — and night. Lots of things have happened — many of which, I suppose, ought to make me happy, but there's just one that seems worth while to me, and that — I shall never forget ! When you have loved a girl for seeming ages, and lived all that time to see her favoring another, and when that other and yourself is in a contest that means so much 48 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE to win, to hear her voice crying out, ''Come on, Jack ; come on ! " Oh, that ought to be enough hap- piness for an eternity, let alone for one day. I'm coming, Alice, some day — for you! CURTAIN. COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 49 ACT v.* (Evening. View of Campus, adjoining Gymna- sium. Faint dance music heard from Gym., to left of stage. Benches R. and h.) (Enter Hank, l., reading hook. Stops, scratches head.) Hank: This ettiquett, or whatever you call it, is the hardest stuff I ever tackled, but Jack says I ought to read up on it, and I guess he's right. (Enter Jack, l,.) Jack: Oh, I say. Hank! Hank (Startled. Tries to hide hook; turns toward Jack and looks him over): Say, old sport, why don't you get some English eyeglasses, don't you know. Jack: Come here. Hank, and let me tell you something. Do I look any richer than I did this morning ? Hank: Why, you look like a millionaire — what's happened? Jack: My uncle has just made me a present of an interest in a big mine he owns out in Arizona, and I'm to go and manage it. Hank: You mean your Uncle Nute Neely? Why, I thought he was a very poor man. Jack : So did I, and so did most everybody, but seems he had made some investment in a copper mine in Arizona and it happened to be a good one and he made a bunch of money. Hank : And gave it to you. I must say he was pretty easy. *Arrang-ed by the author from act written by Miss Harriet Snodgrass, student of Phoenix Union Hig-h School, in competition for best fifth act. 50 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE Jack: Don't speak of it to anyone, as I don't want a certain young lady to hear about it until after tonight. By the way, Hank, how about that hero stunt? Hank: Oh, that's all hunkeedora. Jack. Come over and sit down and I'll tell you about it. (They sit on seat, R.) I had just about given up all hopes, when day before yesterday, I was pass- ing that moving picture outfit that's come to town and I heard the boss say, "I'd give $25 for some- one to double for Romine in the hero's part of stopping the runaway team in this scene." That interested me right away and I says, ''I'm your man!" It was a chance to make a little coin and I thought maybe Julia might see me. Then I told them they'd have to pull it off on a certain street — Jack : Of course, that was on the street in front of where Julia rooms — Hank: Correct, you are, and that's about all except that I pulled off the scene in good shape and Julia saw me. Jack: And I suppose you are now engaged — Hank: Yes, it's all over but the wedding. Jack: I see why you are reading that book on etiquette. But, say. Hank, aren't you getting yor wife under what is known in law as "false pretence ? ' ' Hank : I know what you mean. Not a bit of it. I explained the whole matter to Julia and she said it was all right; that it took as much nerve to do it that way as if it had been real. I'm pretty lucky, Jack, as my oil property and real estate deals have turned out better than I expected — Jack: You are a lucky dog. Hank, but it's all due to your pluck. (Rising.) But we had better go in where they are dancing, as you know this COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 51 dance is being given in our favor for winning our races again at the conference meet. Hank : Yes, but you know I don 't dance any of them new-fangled dances. Now, if they'd give us an old-fashioned square dance or the old Virginia reel, I'd be right at home. (Exit Jack and Hank, u) (Enter Alice, l.; Harry, r.^ Alice: Hello, Harry, where did you come from? Harry (rushes to Alice, grasping her hand): Just got off the train. Alice: Where have you been keeping yourself lately, Harry? Why, I haven't seen you for a whole year. Harry: I've been out west trying to get a new start, and now that I've got located and on the road to making good, I've come all the way back to West Virginia to see if I can't take back with me something that is more precious to me than anything else in the world. Alice: May I ask what it is? Harry: Yes. It is you, little girl, that I want above everything else. Alice (jerking her hand away and stepping lack): Me? Harry: Yes, you, Alice. I know I made an awful fool of myself the last year in school here, but when father's money was all gone and I came to myself and saw that I wasn't fit to be around you, I left, determined to make good and come back for you. Won't you come with me and help make a better man of me? For I need you, Alice, Alice: Oh, Harry, please don't put it that way! I can't; I can't go with you! Harry: Don't you love me a little, Alice? 52 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE Alice: I, I don't think so, Harry, but please don't look so sad about it. Oh, I hate to hurt and disappoint you — but it isn't possible — I've always liked you, but it isn't love. Harry: Had I played the game fair from the beginning, would there have been any chance for me? Alice : Maybe — I can 't tell — but we can be good friends, can't we? Harry : Friends? Yes, that's all, I suppose — so I must tell you goodbye forever and go! (Ex- tends hand.) Alice: Go? Where? (Takes his hand.) Harry : Back west. Alice: Can't you stay for the dance? Harry: No, I can't face the music, now. Good- bye, Alice. Alice: Goodbye, Harry. Good luck! (Exit Harry, r. Alice turns toward l. Stands with downcast eyes a moment, braces up and starts to exit, L. Enter Jack, l., and meets her,) Jack: Oh, there you are, you little nuisance. I've been looking everywhere for you. Where have you been all this time? Alice: Do you know something, Jack? Jack: Yes, I know you're the dearest little girl in all the world. Alice : Jack, you almost lost me a while ago. Jack: Lost you? Why, what do you mean? Alice: Harry doesn't seem to have forgotten childhood days, and still thought I belonged to him. Jack: I don't understand. I thought he was out west. Alice : So he was, but he arrived today ; was here tonight and wanted me to go back with him. COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 53 Jack : But you 're not going, are you, Alice ? Alice : Why, what would it be to you ? Jack: Everything! Alice, I Ve finished my law course and now I must go out into the world and make a living and more if I can. Of course you know how dreadfully poor I am. I'm not able to support you as you deserve. You must know how I love you, and when I'm in a position to be the kind of husband you ought to have I'm com- ing for you, Alice. Alice : And I '11 be waiting for you. Jack. Jack: Alice! (Starts to embrace her, hut she eludes him.) Alice: Not yet, Jack— let's go in and dance. (Exit Alice, l., followed by Jack.; (Enter Jean, l., followed by Fat. As Jean re- cites, Fat follows her back and forth across the stage, watching for an opportunity to pro- pose.) Jean: Yes, I am writing a love story. Just listen to a quotation from one of the love letters it contains: ''I had been nervously pacing back and forth in my quaintly furnished boudoir, thinking, think- ing of you; all the time wondering if your letter would ever come, when I peered out of the win- dow to the westward and saw the golden sun drop- ping down over the edge of the world, down be- hind the purple mountain tops into a sea of golden glory, when I heard the footfall of one of Uncle Sam's messengers. Rushing wildly out, hoping and fearing, to see if the long-looked for message had at last arrived, I eagerly snatched the bundle of letters, ran through them, trembling lest I should again be disappointed. But I wasn't! There it was — my name written by you." Fat : Miss Jean, will you marry me ? 54 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE Jean : "I cannot — for the life of me, tell how I got that long-delayed missive out of the envelope — it was done so quickly. Dearest, don't be angry when I tell you that the long delay had almost caused me to doubt you, but I'm sure you will for- give me when I tell you that your letter, wliich was written on the 20th, did not reach me until the 25th, when it should take but four days for it to come. Those miserable hirelings of Uncle Sam's had delayed it a whole day ! ' ' (^Jean goes off l. Fat watches her in despair.) Fat : I '11 bet that makes forty times I 've tried to propose to her, but she won't listen. Tonight is my last chance, and I've got to have an answer. But how in thunder to do it is more than I can make out. (Walks had' and forth in deep study.) I have it! I have the next dance with her; I'll write it out and pin it over my heart so that she can't help seeing it. Here goes! (Takes paper and pencil from pocket and ivrites.) Ah, I guess I'll catch her eyes if I can't her ears. (Reads): "Jean, will you marry me? Needn't stop talking to answer, just nod your head." (Pins it over his heart.) (Exits, L., hurriedly.) (Enter Cute and Sport, l.^ Sport: And now that we are engaged, my father has written me that he has bought a little vine-covered cottage in a beautiful grove with flowers and gardens and walks and drives and is having the house finished in elegant style all ready for us to move into after our honeymoon is over. Oh, won't it be grand? CuTE: It'll be awfully cute! (Enter Julia, h.) Julia: Hello, Sport! Hello, Cute! COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE 55 Sport and Cute: Hello, Julia! Julia: Say, Sport, have you changed your mmd about Jack and— and Hank? Sport: You bet I have— they're the finest fel- lows HI school. Julia: I'm glad you think so. I want you to help me make them enjoy themselves this evening. You know it's given largely in their favor for their good work in track, and Hank doesn't dance these new dances, but I understand he loves the old Virginia reel, and I want you to get a bunch to come out here on this platform and show him a real good time. He likes violin music, so you get someone to play and get half a dozen couples, and let's have the old Virginia reel, like thev do it back in the country. Sport: Sure, I'll fix it up in a jiffy. Let's go m and see them. You girls get the girls and I'll furnish the boys. (Exit L.; (Girls and hoys enter, l., among them Hank and Jack.j Sport: Get your places for the old Virginia reel. (Violinist plays and Hank surprises all by his ease and grace of moveynent doing the reel The others come out and stand around and ivatch. As the dance goes on, those in the dance hall all come out and look on.) (Enter Uncle Nute after a short time and looks on, grou'ing enthusiastic.) Uncle: Well, I'll be jiggered! If it haint the old Virginia reel. Makes me feel like a kid again ! Hello, Jack, you young rascal! Say, Jack, can't you git me a pardner? 56 COUNTRY BOYS IN COLLEGE Jack: Say, Mary, won't you be Uncle's part- ner? He's some reeler, Uncle Niite is. Mary: Sure, Jack. (^Uncle Nute and Maey fake their places and Uncle Nute is in the height of his glory, going through the reel enthusiastic- ally.) At the close of the old Virginia reel, those taking part form a triangle opening toward the audi- ence, the onlookers evenly divided behind the ivings of the triangle. One of the onlookers takes his place luithin the triangle ivell toward the front, facing Jack and Hank, and pro- poses this toast: Here's to Hank and Jack, Who won for us in track; We wish for each of them the best in life — Health, wealth, happiness and a good wife. May thev always be true To Old Gold and Blue. And here's to our girls and the rest of the boys — May you ever drink deep of life's purest joys. And here's to you one and all, adois, friends, For this is where Country Boys in College ends. Slow curtain. While the curtain falls, all give college yell or sing chorus of one of the songs sung in the second act. CURTAIN. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 014 212 044 6 ^