MR. AND MBSr WHITE. New Series. No. 83. i DRAMATIC LIBRARY OF t/lcting Plays Printed from the Acting Copy, with Re- marks on the Piece ; Description of Costume ; Cast of Characters; Exits and Entrances; Relative Positions ; and correctly marked with the whole of the as performed in the JLondon and wtmeriean Theatres* WITH SPIRITED ENORAVINGS. PHILADKLFHIA : FRED. TURNER, PUBIilSHER ; Sold by Turner and Fislier,' NEW YORK, & PHILADELPHIA. ^ujrncr's JBtamatfc arbrars. MR. &, MRS. PETER WHITE A FARCE, IN BY R. J. RAYMOND, Author of Robert the Devil. Old Oak Tree, Ballance of Comfort^ P. S. — Come To Dinner, Chemj Bounce, Deuce U in Her, Sfe. CORRECTLY PRINTED FROM THE MOST APPROVED ACT1.\G COPY WITH A DESCRIPTION OF THE COSTUME, CAST OP THE CHARACTERS, ENTRANCES AND EXITS, RELATIVE POSITIONS, AND THE WHOLE OF THE STAGE business; To which are added, PROrERTlES AND DIRECTIONS, AS FER^ORMl.D IN THg AMERICAN THEATRES. TURNER 8t FISHER, 15 NORTH SIXTH STREET, PHILADELPHIA ; AND 74 CHATHAM STREET NEW YORK. DRAMATIS PERSON JC, 5s^ . p 5 Mr. Williams. Major Pep^.r, - - . ^ Mr. Lewis. Frank Bnon. - ~ - Mr. Hemming. Pfter White, - - - - Mr. Ox berry. Widovo While, - • - Miss Novello. Mrs. Wldte, .... Mrs. F. Matthews. T-.,, n ^ ^ 5 Mrs. Keeley. lulty Clever, . - . - ^ ^.^^ g^^^^,; COSTUME. Major pepper— Dark blue military frock coat, white trowsers, cap, and stick. FRANK — Modern frock coat, white trowsers, and rid- jiifr whip. PETER WHITE— Brown short tailed coat, white waistcoat, nankeen trowsers, short gaiters, small Opera crush hat, white cravat, tied with large bow. WIDOW WHITE— Plain white dress. Second dress. Dark blue ridinar habit, blue cap, riding whip. MRS. WHITE— White muslin dress over a pink petti- coat, fashionable bonnet with two large feathers, green veil boa, very small parasol. KirtY CLOVER— Coloured chitz gown, white muslin apron, white cap with coloured ribbon. /i79? ^tM V / MH. A]^^I> MRS. PETER 1¥IIITE. SCENE. — Richmond Hill^ with a Bird's-eye view of the Thames, windii-ig through the distant Countiy. To thfi right, a small, Cottage. To the left a small Villa or Cot- tage Orne, projecting somewhat on the'Stage with a practi- cable door and Casement. In the background, to the left, a practicable sloping hill. — Morning. Enter Frank Brown and Kitty Clover, frorr the Cot- tage, R. H. Franli. Nay, my dear Kitty, consider Kit. I do consider — the consequences, Mr. Brovv;i ; an 1 as my old master, Squire Bramble, of Tantivy Hill, Somer- setshire, used to say to I — " Consequences, Kitty, should always be considered"— So I do think it would be very wrong of I to disturb Mrs. White so early, seeing that she be come down from Lunnum lo Richmond for change of air, and has t-iken that pretty cottage, opposite mine, on purpose that I should be near her. — Besides, why should I disturb her? you bean'ta relation of hers — [Sisnificantly. Frank, 'lis the utmost consequence that I should speak with her immediately, and if you really love her, Kitty Kit. Ah ! that I do, dearly ! Wern't we litlle girls to- gether when my mother was housekeeper to her fttther, old Squire Bramble ? and didn't I come up with her to Lunnum after his death, and remain in her service till I got married and settled here at Richmond, where I take in children to nurse, while my good man goes a farming; and ?orry 4 MR. AND MRS. PETER WHITE. enougii I were to leave her, for she led a sad lifu wiih the rich old man she were obligated by her faiher's will to tuarry, because the olJ gentlemen happened to be schoolfel- lows. I were to have nursed their first offspring, but were disappointed, for what witli the gout, and the rhumatiz, and his friend's jokes at his 'spousing a wife young enough to ho his grand-daughter, the poor old gentleman died in the honey moon ! Frank. Hal ha! and thus was your charming mistress loft a widow at ninetten ; but not, I hope, with a distaste ior matrimony. Kit. La! bless you, no, sir ! she a'nt had experience rnough yet ! (archly) But as j-he be now free to choose for herself, she o-Ji^ht to have a husband of her own age — Frank. Capable of ap[)reciating her virtues and talents. Kit. Kind. — Frank. Affectionate. Kit. And complaisant, never saying no Frank. Yes. Kit, When she says yc--. — Frank. No ! in short, Kitty, a good Imsband. Kit. Which be as scarce to find Frank. As a good wife. Kilty! Kit. No, more scarcer! I be bound to speak up for my sex. you know I Frank. Well then, Kitty, I know just such a one. Kit. (Quicldp) What, a good husband, sir ? Frank. {Sniiling) Yet=. Kit. La! do pray show him to T, sir — (wUfi great naiv ete) I be so fund o* curiosities I {Frank laughs.) Where be he, sir? Frank. Near at hand. Kit. (aside.) Yes, at my elbow, or I'm much mi.-taken! {aloud. ) And have I ever seen him, sir.? Frank. Often. Ait. (archly) La ! you don't say so, sir ! Stay, now I ihink on't, he be youn^-. — Frank. About my own age. Kit. Tolerably good looking MR. AMD MRS. PETKR WillTE. » Frank. (Arranging his Cravat.) Ahem ! A'(^ And he comes to Richmond every day to my cot- tage, where he has hired a room ior change of air, as he says 'Frank Exictly (Smiling.) Kit. And liis name be— Mr. Francis Brown Esq. Ha I ha! you be found out and discovered, you see, sir, (Laugh, 'rig.) Frank. Ha! ha! why Kitty, you're as shrewd as a Lord Mayor. Kit. Come, that be no great compliments neither! but I can see as fir into a mill stone as my neighbours; so you may as well confide in me at once, sir. Frank Well, then, to be candid, Kitty I do love the chaming widow, and rejoice to add tliat our affection i? reciprocal. Kit. Rici-pro ! oh ! I mider.-^tand ! she gives you as good as you bring — well, then, the way to church be as smooth as a riiit road. Frank. 'Sdeath, no ! there's a pliguy stumbling block in the path, in the shape of a peppery old uncle of mine, on whom I am depiindeot, and who is a determined enemy to wedlock. Kit. Ah! those crusty old bachelors I As my master used to say, "an old bachelor is like"' ■ Frank. Oil the contrary, he is a Widower of ih^ee wivesl Kit. Three [ v\hit a Blue Beard! Did he marry 'em for looe or money, sir ? Frank. Fur the laiter, I imagine, from the miserable life he led with them. Kil. Ser\^e him right, the old cormorant. Frank. You now perceive the necessity of my immedi- ate ly seeing the widow ; my uncle will arrive this morning fcom Devonshire, and if I am not in town to receive him [Here the Widow is heard singing inside the cottage l. H.] Hark ! 'tis she ! Kit. That be her sweet voice sure enough, — don't make your heart beat, sir 7 Frank. Djuble quick time, Kitty ! b MR. AND MRS. PETER WHITE. Enter. Wjdow White, singing from a sheet of Music iDhich she carries in her hand. Kitty enters the Widoic^s Cottage. IVid. {Singing. Lai la! la! a very charrr.ingf compo- sition indeed ! [Sees Frank.] Bless me, you here already, Frank? Why you must have been "Z7/j in the morning early,''^ as the old song^ says ! Frank. In truth, Clarisa, I hav'nt slept all night, Wid. A visit from '■'Queen Mab," vulgarly called the ^'Ni^ht ilfarc," perhaps [Laughingly.] Frank. Yes, in the shape of a respectable elderly gen- tleman! IVid. Ha! I understand, your Uncle I and is he become civilized, or as much averse to matriisiony as ever. Frank: More than ever, if I may judge from his last let- ter, in which he threatens to cashier me, if 1 disobey him [Emphaiicaliy.] But he shall find me as obstinate as him- self. — Lst him disinherit me—l'll marry you wihout a shil- ling in my pocket, upon my soul I will Clarissa. [She laughs ] No, no, I mean if you had not a shilling in the world. — l\id. I have already told you that, happy as I should be to be called your loife, I will not consent to purchase the title at the price of your uncle's displeisure ; foi" despite iiis eccentricities, he has, you confess, b^en ever most kind to you. Frank. And you love me, Clarissa? IVid. Can I give you a stronger proof of my attachment ? Frank. Yes. Wid' How? Frank. By allowing me to introduce you to him. Wid. Wherefore, pry'thee ? Frank. Let liim but see and hear you. Wid. {smilei)ig) You pretend I should make a convert of him— Flatterer! Frank. Nay, I'.-n certain of if [EmphaticaUy and rapidly.] I present you to him, he is struck by your beauty, and will consent to our union, and cirry us down to his estate in Devonshire, where we shall live like "Love among the Roses." MR. AND MRS. PETER WHlTK. 7 ]Vid, A very captivating extempore romance, indeed I you are for illustrating '■'Darby and J(/a?i," I see! But 'twill be time enougli to settle these matters when we are married — if we ever should be, ha ! ha ! Enter Kitty from the Widow's Cottage, Kit. I've been helping Susan, ma'am, and breakfast be ready — I've laid it for two' ma'am. Wid. {Smiling.) For two, Kitty— wherefore ? Kit. (Archly.) Because you be so hospitable, ma'am; and as Mr. Brown has rode all the way from Lunnun this morning, I thought as how — [Widow laughs. Frank. "Sweet Kitty Clover," your attention is praise- worthy. But no ceremony, Clarissa, I beg — I shall be perfectly satisfied with Bachelor's fare! Wid. (Laughing) Oh ! the Bread and the Cheese are quite at your disposal ; but the third article can be pur- chased only at the price of your liberty. Frank. Secure my hand then, and make me your priso- ner for life! [Exit with WidoYf, into cottage, l. h. Kit. (Laughingly) Bachelor's fare ! Bread and Cheese and Kisses! oh my — [Looking after them.] Ah they'll make a comfortable couple — not like Mr. and Mrs. White, the parents of the baby I be nursing — They be always quarrelling about the brat. Mr. White be so proud of being a Father, that he'd willingly proclaim it to ail the world by beat of drum ; while his wife wishes nobody to know she ho married. By the bye, she be a namesake of my dear young missus, the widow; but la! no more like her than Mr. Brown be like Mr. White. I expect the loving couple to day from Lunnun to see their offspring. Heigho ! I feci rather melancholic and musical this morn- ing. SONG — KITTY. To the fields I carry my milking can, All in a morning early, And there I met with a smart young man, Who vow'd he lov'd me dearly. I made him a curtsy, he made me a bow, He kiss'd nae, and promised to marry, I row ; 8 MR. AND MBS. PETER WHITF. I wish that youngr fellow was with me just novp. On a May day morning early ! I strive to forget him, but all in vain, On a May day morning early ! And if I never should see him again, 'Twould break my heart, or nearly! I can't bear the sight of a sheep or a cow ! 1 want to get married, yet cannot tell how, I wish that young fellow was with me just now, On a May day morning early! {A horn is heard without.) That be the omnibu?. [Ascends the stage and looks out l. h.] And there be Mr. and Mrsu White sure enough, crawling up the hill — I must run and put a clean cap on the baby. [Exit into coitage. Peter White appears v. e. r. h. on the hill carrying « Child^s drum, a wooden horse, a small bundle, and his loife^s Boa, ha7,giiig over his shoulder. Pet. (As he enters.) Isn't it hot! I'm all over forovsl [Turns and speaks off.] Take it easy, my dear Clemmy — I'd have made the driver bowl us up the hill, but he appeal'd to my humanity for his hosses sake! and certainly fifteen inside, bfside himself and the cad, is no joke in the dog days for the poor //animals. Enter Mrs-. White carrying a very small open Parasol, and fanning herself with her handkerchief — she is dressed vulgarly^fine, and speaks affectedly. Mrs. W. The saints be praised, we are up at last! Pet. Yes, as Douglas says. [Throws himself into an atii- ivde and declaims. "" The hjU they climb'd, and halting at its top, " Of more than mortal height, towering-, they seem'd " An host jF/angelic clad in burning /iarms." Mrs. W. Again, Mr. White, after my strict conjunc- tions I [They descend. Pet. It's the force of habit, my love. I can't help now and then quoting certain passages which solisited sucU applause, when I was a Hamcteur i/uclpr at the Pfivat* Theatre in Ranter Street ilR. AND MRS. PEt£R WHITE- • Mrs. W. (^Laughing contemptuously.) Rubbage ! a Tragedian with such a figure — ridiculous! Pet. Why I must own my friends said it was belter suited to low comedy than high tragedy. Mrs. W. This force of habit as you call it, is constantly exposing you to ridicule — Remember your conduct in the Omnibus to day when you sat along side o' that young woman. Pet. I only tip'd her a bit o' Romeol [Laughing.] Oh, ah! when I seized ho'd of the elderly gentleman in the bob wig, exclaiming with Wirginius — *'My Child, my child : give me back my child." — I realy couldn't help il, my dear — ''Tvvas a sudden burst of riatur, for I was thinking of our dear little /foffspring. Mrs. W. You may think of it as much as you pleasp, Mr. White, but I'll trouble you not to proclaim our mar riage to all the world. You know how much it concern our interest to keep it a secret, especially from my old maiden aunt, who, averse to matrimony herself, promises to leave me all her property, provided 1 remain single. Pet. \Yhy, certainly, the mopusses is a consideration , for tlie sake of our /im/aR(j«e Aefr ! By the bye, my dear, talking of relations what is become of your cousin, Mr. Augustus Brown, the Dandy Perfumer, as lie was called, who I never saw, but who I'm told used to visit you anony- fnonsly, during my absence, when I was a courting you? Mrs. W. (Sentimentally.) 'Tis long since I have beheld that interesting youth, whose flattering attention and presents of Eau de Cologne excited your absurd jealousy ! [Eviphasising the loord Cologne,] Pet. Jealousy! ridiculous? what, after the advice I gave myself ia Ligo— [Declaims.] "Beware of Jealousy I it is the green eyed lobster which dnh make the meat it feeds on." tia 1 ha ! Jealous indeed, of a dandy perfumer —ridiculous — (.4s/f/c) If I had caught him tho', I vvoul . have //annihilated hitn. Mrs. W. Peter, do you love me ? [Sentimentally, leaning on his shoulder.] Pet. (Tragically.) Love you, Clementina? — I should think so ! B 10 MR. AND MIIS. PETKR WHITE. Bits, W, Promise me then to conceal our union — Will yc\i,-dcar Peter ? [Caressing liim. Pet, Insinualing Clemmy-— But how lung, think you, t^hall 1 be obliged to consolidate in my bosom tliose paretal iceiings which are ready to burst forth whenever 1 tliink of our "i/infant bud of early bsauty," as the poet says ? BIrs. TV. Not long, Peter; my aunt is very old and very (■ropsical. Pet. Well, then, I'll wait till she drops off I Mrs. VV. Ah ! [Stntimeiitally] now you talk and look as when you cuiue a courting me on Priairose hill I Do you remember that happy lime, Pcier ? PcU Do I?— Don't 1! MEDLEY DUKT. — PETER AND WRS. WHITE. PETER. — Am — "Y'/ie Cuuracha.'" Oh, remember the time when a courting I came, In hopes your kind favoar to catch ; I the spark was, dear Clemmy, and you were the Jlatne, And between us wc lighted a matcJi ; MRS. WHITE.— 'Air — '■'Voidcz vans denser.''' Aad don't you remember, Peter, the day, When, smartly dresl All in our best, \\'e IG church rode, joyoa?, gay, To be wedded willing ? PETER. — (Same Air.) i'o.-. I remember well the day, When, bjth inclined We fast were jin''d For I the pareon a guinea did pay, Asid the clerk a shilling ! BOTH. Then to Winsor, in a shay, Fiom the church we boul'd away, Dashing, .Sjilashing, Cant'ring, Bant'ring, On this sweet bridal day. Yee, I rcmeaiber, MR. AND MRS. PETER WHITE. 11 Mrs. W. (Speahiiir.) And don't you remember, Peter, vAml a sweet honeymooti we passed at Greenwich, and how you used to take me to Vauxhall, and the Theatres, and, above all, to the Opera — the charming Opera? I'et. To improve ourselves in the /(exquisite Aarls of snging and dancing, by listening to Greasy and Tanibu- rnyt and seeing Taggilony and Coolun 'trip it on the light fantastic toe.' [Imitativg. Mrs. W. And then we used to practise at home, and try to imitate them. Pet, And very well we did it for Hamateurs. BOTH- — Air— "T/ii? Gavotte." Lai lal la !. how Greasy like we sing'd it Fal lal la ! how laglony liiie we wing'd it — One leg here, t'other leg there, To be modest pray beware ! To obtain the meed of praise, Atitude's the thing nowadays, [l^hey dance a la Opera. Enter Kity Clover /ro?n Cottage, k. h. Kit. {Affecting surprise.) Wei!, I declare, if here bea't Mr. and Mrs. White ! Pet. Yes here we are, nurse loaded with toys for our dear little Peter ; not forgetting a lump of sugar and tea for you. {Gives iheni.) How is the dear little fellew ? Kit. Oil, charuiingj sir; he cat his fii^t tooth yesterday. Pet. Bless his little gums. {Crosses c.) That's half a crown for you, nuise. [Gives her money. Kii> Oh, thank'ee, si."-, I don't say it for inoney^s sake, but he's a perfect little nudidUy. [Pocketing the money. Pet. Lovely bud of early beauty ! [Delighted. Kit- And you ought to be proud of him, sir. Pet. I am proud of iiim nurse, wery proud. A'tf. Such a sweet temper too: he hasn't cried once since — [A Child heard crying within. Pet. Eh • what's that ? Aif. As sure as fale, now, my little niece has let him full I Exit R. U' 22 MR. AND MRS. PETER WlIlfE. Pd. Fall! Mrs. W. Stupid girl! the dear little fellow may be dis- figured for life. [Hurries into cottage. Pet, {Follows calUng in a crying ■coke.) Peter I poor little Peter ! [Rushes into cottage, r, h, ^H^er Frank Brown /rowt the. Widow's Cottage. Frank. {Walking to and fro.) All is delightfully arranged! Clarissa consents to see my uncle under an assumed name, and the meeting to appear accidental, as she wisely fears that a formal introduction as my intended, would fail to conquer his matrimonial prejudices. Now, then, to horse, and away to London to meet him, {Looking ovt l, n.) Ah! what do I see ! by all that's vexatious, 'tis he himself 1 how the deuce did he ferret me out here I— no matter, I must brave it out. {Buttons up his Coat^ and ualks towards L. h. sjngivg) "Over the hills and far away," Enter Major Pepper, meeting htm face to face. ]\laj. Halt ! front ! stand at ease ! FranJc. {effecting astonishment) Eh ! can I believe my eyes ? My dear uncle I {Embracing) 1 was hastening to town to meet you — Who, in the name of wonder, informed you I was here ? Maj. Year puppy of a servant, at your chambers in the Temple. Frank, (aside) The rascal ! after my strict injunctions — Muj. At first he was as close as a sentinel with the watch v.'ord ; but a sight of this real bamboo soon thaw'd his ton- gue. {Shews his cane) Frank. {Affecting anger) Stupid fellow! to make such a mystery of an innocent ride to Richmond."^* But I'm de- lighted to see you, uncle, upon my honour I am ! (Taking his hand) And how are you — but I need not ask. You look the very picture of health. {With great vivcity.) Maj. That's more than you do ; for you look as jaded as a soldier on a forced march. What the deuce ails you, eh ? you havn'tbeen running into debt have you? MR. AND Mas. PETER WH[TK. 15 Frank. No, uncle, I can't afford it. {smiling.) Maj. Not a scrape, eh ? an intrigue, you sly dog. (laus[h ing) Tiiere's a woman in the question, I'll be sworn ! Eh I I remember now — your last two sheets of foolscap-letter. was filled with a description of a Widow Wiggins, or VVIiite or some such name, who had cast her magic spells around you. But that virtigo is over, I hope ; young people are mostly in love once a year from fifteen to thirty, when they generally come to the ir senses, as I hope you have. Frank. Indeed, uncle, I have not. Pep. Eh ? what ! you don't mean to say you are seriously infatuated ? Frank. Very seriously indeed, uncle ! Pep. What! in spite of my counsel I and my example ? Franl: I but follow it uncle ; and having had three wives yourself, 'tis very unreasonable in you to deny me one! Pep. You may jest as you please, sir, but beware I — A man may game, intrigue, get over head and ears in debt — in short, run the entire round of folly, and yet redeem him- self; — bat he is never thoroughly and irreparably undone, till he is married — I say it, and I know it — Experientia docet. (With great empliasis, knocking his cane on the ground.) Frank. (With equal warmth and declaiming a la Barister) And I say. Gentlemen and Ladies of the jury, in the present cause of Matrimony versus Celibacy ; that with all its little grievances, man knows no real happiness until he is married. Let liiin possess a wife of sense and virtue, and of whom he himself is worthy — (mark that point uncle) and he will feel a solid and permanent joy of which he was never before sensible. Uninterrupted happiness, indeed, no man can, or ought to expect. Life, unlike some livings, is no sinecure; fruits do not spring spontaneously from the earth, as they did in the garden ; nor dees manna drop from the clouds as it did in the wilderness — but, despite the ar- guments of disappointed old maid« and bachelors, in spite o? Malthus and Martineau on population; I assert that, as a scheme of solid comfort, matrimony affords, to well regu- lated minds, a double share of delight in prosperity, and a 14 5IR. AND MR?. PETER WKItE. solace and support in adversity. (Wiping his forehead imfk his handkerchief.) There, answer that, uncle, if you can. You can't — so huzza I Matrimony wins the day, ha, ha ! Maj. Mad ! mad as a March hare ! ftncies himself spouting in Westminster Hall. Love has turned his brain — zounds ! I must take him dov^n into Devonshire, 'twill be all over with him ! Frank, {alarmed) Eh! what? Devonshire, uncle? Moj. Yes, where I hope the chanfre of air, and a few shower baths, will effectually cool his plagu love fever. Frank. Sdeath ! what's to be done now ? {Reflects.) Maj, I did intend remaining a few days in town, but for your sake we'll be off by the mail this very night. Frank, {aside) Egad, it shall be so ; desperate cases require desperate measures ! Maj. So, quick march ! — Come along to town, and pack up your knapsack. Fra7ik. {sentimental tone) Alas ! uncle, it cannot, must not be ! Maj. Indeed ! why not pray ? Frank. You are my uncfe — my excellent uncle, and the ties of consanguinity are strong ; but my duty to another is paramount o'er ail. {Sentimentaly,) Maj. Another? Frank. Yes, my wife ! {Tnrins aside his head leith affected emotion.) Pep. Your wife ! why you don't mean to say you are married. Frank. I am, indeed, uncle 1 (Rapidly and emphatically.) I know the full extent of my disobedience to your com- mands, but, hurried on by the impetuo.^ily of youth, the violence of my passion, the— the— and dispairing to obtain your consent Pep. You have made an ass of yourself! And who, pray, is Mrs. Brown ? Frank, Mrs. White, who, for the present, however, re- tains her name, as she wishes, for family reasons, to keep our union a eecvet. (Placing Imhandon the Majoi'^s shoulder") And 1 am assured you will bury it in the inmost recessess of your affectionate bosom. (Turns aside to laugh.) MR. AND MRS. PETER WHITE. J 5 Pep. Nonsense ! I won't believe if. Come, com?, mas- ter F'rank, j'oa are actin;^ your part extremely well, but it won't do. We old soldiers are not so easily caught. You want to w'needle me out of my consent, but it won't do, i tell you, Iia, ha! Frank. {A^ide) Sdeath ! he suspects Pep. Ha, ha ! I wonder yon didn't work it np stronger, by swearing that a sweet little offspring had crown'd your handy work. It would have bctn a very natural consC' quence, you know, ha, hal FrarjJc. (aside) Egad, and it shall be so. Alas ! you now touch upon a tender chord. (Aloud.) Pep. Tender fiddlestick! (Frank nighs — IaIajor Icoks alanned.) Eh ? why — why, you don't mean to say you are really. (At this moment the child is heard crjiing in Kitty Clowek's cottage.) Eh? what the devil's that? (Frank. ^pretending to be deeplp affected^ points to the cottage^ and places his hand, upon his heart, exclaiming sentimentally.) Frank. Pardon me, uncle — but the voice of nature ; my feelings are so overcome, tliat I must withdraw for a few moments. (Going'— child cries again) Poor babe! (Half aside) Cutting its little dog tooth ! [Fxitinto l. h. house laughing. Pep. If it sliould be all true ! (Going to cottage stops) Oh here comes a wench, she can tell something about the mat- ter, perhaps. Enter Kitty Clover hastily, n. h. Kit. I wonder if Mr. Brown be gone yet. (Stop', seeing the Major.) Pep. So, so, she knows him. (Aside) PTark'ee young woman. (Aloud) Didn't I hear a child crying just now? Kit. Mayhap you might. Some folks ears are long enough for anythinsf. Pep. Who does it; belong to ? Kit. Its father and mother, to be sure, (aside) What an inquisitive old gentleman ! Pep. And who are they ? Kit. Ciin'ttell! 16 MR. AND MRS.PKTKR WHITE. Pep. How so ? Kit. Because I musn't Pep. Why not? Ii.it Can you keep a secret ? (Mysteriously) Pep. Yes. (Getting close to her.) Kit. So can I ! (laughs) Ha, ha ! you thought lo pump I, because I be country bred. But la bless you, sir, there be as many fools in Lunnun as in the country, as you must know. (Going) Pep. But listen Kit. I can't; there be Mrs. White calling I- (Rrins in io Cotivge.) Pep. Mrs. White! its all true then! that name confirms the melancholy fact. The hypocritical scoundrel! I'll disinherit, and leave him nothing but his wife, and if she proves like any one of the three late Mrs. Peppers, he'll ba pretty well punished, I think. (Walks to and fro.) Enter Peter WHiTE,/rom Cottage^ r. h. Pet. (Strutting about with his hands in his pockets) Wb^-t dear little feller ! nurse says he's the picture of me : ha ha ! lovely Ainfant! — happy father ! Pep, (asidc'—hekind.) What strutting bantem cock is hs, I wonder ? He came from the cottage — one of Mrs, White's friends, I suppose. PeN (In front to himself^ We'll have him vaccinated next week, and christened on my birth day, the First of April: and ecod ! a rare jolification we'll have of it. He's wery fair, tho' for a boy, I wish he was a little more ftroton ; it looks manly ! Pep. (advancing) Eh ? Brown ! he knows Frank, (meet- ing Peter face to face) What's that you say, sir ? Pet. (Looking up at him.) Eh ? say ? why I suppose I'm at liberty ro speak of my dear little — godson? (Aside) Ecod ! I was near letting the cat out of the bag. Pep. And are you god-father to the brat? Pet. Brat ! come I say, old gentleman ! and what then, pray ? Pep. What then ? why you ought to be ashamed of yourself. MR. AND MRS. PETER WHITE. 17 Pet. Ashamed of myself ! for what ? Pep. Why, for aiding and abetting in such a disgrace- ful transaction; Pet. Disgraceful ? [Aside.] What does the old codger mean? Pep. Aye. [Emphatically, JcnocHng his cain on the ground,] Do you know to whom the child belongs, sir? Pet. I should think so. Pep. Do you know it's father ? Pet. I suspect so. [Conceitedly. Pep. And so do I, sir. Pet. Wory likely ! [Aside.] I dgu't remember his phisi- ology, though. Pep, And I repeat, sir, that it is the offspring of a clan- destine, unlawful union. Pet. Unlawful ! Pep. Yes, sir, contracted without my knowledge or consent. Pet. {Aside.) His consent ! that's good anyhow. Pep. In short, sir, 'tis my nephew's child. Pet.( Laughing.) Your nephew's ! ha, ha! a capital joke, faith. {Aside.) Some wag has been hoaxing the old gudgeon, {Aloud.) And who told you so, eh ? ha, ha ! [Laughing. Pep. My nephew himself to be sure. Pet. {Slill laughing.) Your nephew himself, ch ? ha, ha ! where and when, pray ? Pep. Here! Pet. Here? Pep. On this very spot, not five minutes ago. Pet. (Getting alarmed.) Eh! what? Pep. So you see I know all about the clandestine mar- riage, and Mrs. White. Pet. {More alarmed.) Mrs. White ! {Aside.) A horrid thought flashes on my brain. {Aloud.) And your nephew's name is Pep. Brown, Pet. Brown! [Starting. Pep. Pshaw ! you know it as well as I do I Pet. {Aside.) the dandy perfumer, by all that's horrific! lb MR. AND MRS. PETER WHITE. This then accounts for the sjjiell f Lavender water I [Reels against Pepper, who supports him. Pep. What does all this mean ! {Shaking him) Sir ! — IMr. What's your name ? Pet. (Aside — recovering.) -My head- turns round like a teetotun). {Tragically) This then, accountsTor her agita- tions whenever his name was mentioned. And I'll have deep, dreadful, deadly reparation ! Both — both shall feel a /iinjured husband's t^jengeance ! Pep. What the deuce ails him ? is he mad 1 Pet. {Rushing vp to him.) Heark'ee old genfZeman, do you know what Othello says ? Pep, Not I. Pet. {Clenching his hands ut him.) "See that thou prov'st Mrs. White a — -you know what or thou had'st better have been born a dog, Inoro — a dog — a dog — dog ? '[Striding to and fro. Pep. Poor fellow ! I suppose he's subject to these fit.". Pet, {Rushing towards the cottage,) fla! the comes ! Prp. Who? Mrs. White! Pet. {Wildly.) Yes, that's her, and I am done — Brown — Brown — Brown ! [Strikes his forehead and rushes out above u. e. r. ii. Pep. Mad ! mad as a Bedlamite ! Enter. Mrs. Whlte, from n. ti. Cottage. Mrs. Vi. {Calling after Peter.) Peter, Peter, where are you going 7 We bhall be too late for the Ooinibus I Pep. {Aside — in fitont looking at her.) What, is this the woman Frank said was all loveliness and gentility .' A pretty taste he has got. {Aloud blunthj.) Heark'ee, madam I Mrs. W- {Astonished,) Sir! Pep. You and I must have a little talk together before you go. Mrs. W. A little talk together. Really, Sir, I havn't the pleasure to i?now you. Pep. But I know you, madam, and I blush for you ; fie, madam ! a woman at your time of life! Mrs. W. At my time of life ! what do you mean, sir? I don't understand you, sir ? MR. AND MRS. PETER WHITE. ]D Pep. Oh, you need not afFect ignorance in this, or any other matter, madam. I know all ! Mrs. W. What do you mean, sir? — you speak ■pnrrcgo- rically ! Pep. Your clandestine marriage, ma'am .' — and the littie ofFspring-, ma'am ! Mrs. TV. {Aside.) Oh, gracious goodness ! is piir secret discovered? {Aloudy agitated) Marr'mge, siv i may I ask who your FCindLilous informer is ? Pep. Your husband himself, m;i'am. Mrs. W. Myhusbrind! (asit/e) Peter shall sm^t for thi?. (Aloud) Well, sir, and if I am marrieci, what affairs is it of yours, pray ? Pep. 'Sdeath ma'am, I'm your husband's uncle. Mrs. W. His uncle ! whatj are you old Mr. Tittlebat the fishmonger of Brumagen ? Pep. Fishmonger? — fidd'edee ! Mrs. W. Really, sir, this language Pep. Zounds, madam, do you suppose I can take such a ma'ter coolly ? I'll disinherit the puppy, if it's only for the falsehoods he told me about you. Mrs. W. Fulsehood, Mr. Tittlebat? Pep. Yes, he swore you were the bean ideal of loveliness and gentility! Mrs. W. {Conceitedly) Well, sir, and am 1 rot Pep. You certainly are not, madam ! But 'tis not your fault. You are not accountable for the defects of nature and education ! Mrs. \V. (Famiincr herself) Oh, dear ! I can't support it — I shall faint— I know. I shall 1 Maj. {Coolu., Without lookiiirr at her) You are at full liber- ty to act as you think proper, ma'am. % ■ Mrs. W. Oh, oh — I'ln'^going— I'm going Maj. {Not looking) Well, go, ma'au), gn ! Mrs. W. Oh ! oh 1 {Sinks rtpon /iiw, so that he is compel- led to Support her .) Maj. 'Sdeath 1 {alovd to 7prcssingliis laughter.) Sj you have seen ihem uncle — fnay I ask wlierc ? Pep. Wliy, here, to be sure. They came from the nurse's coltaga, little suspecting I was here to confound them— and I must say that your Mrs. White is — ahem ! Frank (aside) I see it all now — it must bj the other Mrs. White and her husband. Egad, 'tis a rare joke : and if I can only persuade them to keep it up for a time Pep. So, sir, as you have thought propper thus to disobey me, you must t ilce the consequence — I have done with you, sir. Frank. Nay, uncle Pep. (Walking to and fioin anger) Not a word, sir — I have done wiih you for ever— for ever I (The Widow sings at thi^ moment within— she signs to Frank and retires from door.) Frank. (Aiide, moving towards Cottuge^n. h.) Now for the tact of my dear Widow to manage him, Meantime MR. AND MRS. PETER WHITE. 21 I'll go and explain all to Kitty and the' other Mrs, White, and try to gain their assistance. [Exit irtto Cottage r. h^ Pep. {walking to and fro in front) What a dolt was I to leave Devonshire on such an errand, and in the very heart of the coursing season! {Stops on hearing the Wmow dng inside the Cottage.) Enter Widow, from House, l. h. SONG. WIDOW. Let others dwell in stately hall, And feast 'neath golden canopy . But let me dwell where torrents brawl. And Zephyrs stir the greenwood tree. Where the hunter's horn, At peep of moon. Comes echoing wild and merrily ; And the red deer bound, O'er the gleeby gound, ' And the mountain lark sings cherrilv. Tallyho ! Tallyho ! Pep. {delighted) Tallyho! ho! bravo — admirably sung' — I could almost fancy myself coursing in Devonsliire. I wonder who the fair singer is. A rare wench — one alter iny own heart I Wid. (singing) Tallyho ! {Pretending to know him) Ha, Sir Guy Fox — come like a true cavalier to escort me to — ■ (Here the Major turns to her, and she affects surprise.) A stranger I declare ! a thousand pardons, my dear, sir [curtseys. Pep. What a splendid creature ! (Aloud, bowing.) Nay, madam, 'tis I, rather, who should apologize for slopping to listen to your song, which accords so well with my taste and habits. Wid. You are a sportsman, then, I presume, sir. Pep. Yes, madam, heart and soul — although a soldier by profession. 22 MR. MUD MR3. PETER WHITE. Wid. (gaily.) 'Nay, the professions are somewhat alike — both carry arms, and are licenced to kill — allhoagh you doubtless, tiiink wilii me, sir, that shooting game is the more pardonable p-i.-time'. Pe/>. Right, madam, right! (aside) Egad, she's as witty as Bhe''s beautiful. If that rascal Frank, had but chosen such a woman Wid. I, too, am enraptured with the sports of the -fitld, and delight in the pleasures of the chase. 'Twas but last week I rode a day's sport after twenty couple of hounds — staunch tartars as ever barked or run a course-— took a fly- ing leap across a stream — dashed through two quicksets, and leaped three five-barred gates I Pep. (pleased, and following her in action in her descrip- tion.) Bravo ! Wid. We started Reynard before.eight— had a view hol- low by ten — tuUyho, ho, ho ! Pep. (delighted.) Tally ho I hark forward I wind him, the villian — wind him I Wid. At eleven he took to the water — we plunged after — crossed the Thames Pep. That's your sort, neck or nothing — yoicks I Wid. Up the hill — down the valley — over hedge, ditch, and gate we go, helter skelter. At twelve the whole pack close in with him — you might cover them with a table cloth Pep. (with action) Beautiful — beautiful ! Wid. And we killed him exactly at nineteen minul&s, three seconds after one. Pep. Bravo, bravo ! Why, madam, you're a perfect Diana ! Wid. Then at angling, I can kill a trout or salmon with a single hair — and at shooting, strike the spot out of an ace of diamonds. Pep. (delighted) You don't say so, madam! Wid. And at driving a phaeton — drive four hunters from London to Bath without once losing tlie whip hand of the road, and turn them out on the breadth of a shilling's edge ! MR. AND MRS. PETER WHITE. 23 Pep. Why, you're a perfect Olympic charioteer, madam — {aside) Zuunds, with such a wife, a man might win a fortune in wagers ! Wid. {aside, laughing) Frank told me his humour, and 1 flatter myself I have hit it. {To Major) And no>v, sir, may I ask, do you reside in this part of the country? Pep. Mo, madam, my estate is in Devonshire, where I should now be enjoying the delightful sport you liLive so admirably described, but for a hair-brained nephew of njine who has brought mc up to London, where I find he has taken it into his silly head to get married. Wid, Ah, I understand — a clandestine union. — {Aside) — Frank did not tell me he had gone so far ! Pep. What think you, madam, of such conduct ? Wid. 'Tis highly censurable, no doubt.: but love, you know, is a sad tempter to disobedience, {Sentimentally, gazing at him.) Pep. {Aside.) Oh lord, 1 can't stand it — zooks, whit a pair of eyes! they're positively unnerving. {Aloud.) Kow, had he selected one like yourself, madam, he would have had every excuse in his favour. (^Bowing.) Wid. {Curtseying) Oh, sir, you- — -• Fep. Or liad 1 been as fortunate with either of my three wives i Wid. Three wives I what a bold man you must be ! Pep. Egad, so used my comrades to say — for in matri- mony, as in war, I always volunteered for the forlorn hope. Wid. Ha, ba 1 {Looking out.) Bless me ! a heavy shower of rain appears to be coming on — will you accept the shel- ter of my Hermit'ige until 'tis over? Although 1 am not quite sure I ought to trust myself with a gentleman who has had three wives. {Laughingly) Pep. {Briskly.) Egad, if I was fortunate enough to find a fourth like yourself, madam, I'd make a quartette of it tomorrow — 1 \\ould, by Jupiter — ahem! [Exeunt into Collage, the Major handing her in courteously a la militaire singing " When the heart of a man is depress'd by care," Sfc. during xohich Frank and Kittt are seen peeping at them from the door of the opposite Cottage. They come doun. 24 MR. AND MRS. PETER WHITE. Fraiik. Bravo I the old sportsman is fairly trapped at last! Kit. Yes, he be captivated, Mr. Brown, sure enough. No fools, like old fools I [Exit into Collage r. h. Enter Vkvzk, meeting "Fr^-sk^v. e. r. h. — Frank r. h. Pet. (slartirig) Ha! Brown, did she say? {striding up to Frank.] Is your name Brown, sir ? Frank. It is, sir. Pet. Then you're a wjillian ! Frank, [affecting anger] Sir, that's a hard word ! Pet. Hard or soft, I repeat it. Fire and fuiy, sir, an't you afeard I should /lannihilate you on the spot ? [Frank smiles.] Mr?. White, sir — Mrs. White! [Stamping,] Frank. And what hnve you to do with that lady, eh, sir? — [Affecting anger.] Pet. [Laughing wildly.] Ha, ha, ha ! hear this, ye gods ! [Bitterly] Yon love her — you know you do ! Frank. [Following Peter, ivko retreats] Dare you pre- sume to question my right to love her ? You're a rival, I suppose? Pet. I should think I am ! Frank. Pshaw ! don't make a fool of yourself! [Tarns from him and walks to and fro.] Pet. [Following him about closely.] But, sir Frank. Nonsense I Pet. I am Franh 'Rediculous! [Still walking.] Pet. [Following] I'll have satisfaction, sir — I say satis- faction, sir — there's my card, sir I [Trusts it over Frank's shoulder — Frank ttops suddenly, takes Peters^s card, places it on the palm of his hand, and blows it into Peter's face, ex- claiming '^Pho V^ aiid laughing aside.] Pet. [Beioildered.] The world's at an end, and chaos is come again 1 But I'll have vengeance — I'll raise the whole neighbourhood— All Europe shall know a //injured husband's wrongs ! [Ascends the Stage calling] Hollo! everybody — murder— thieves — abduction — seduction — and prttty larceny I MR. AND MRS. tETER WHIT?. 25 Enter hastily from both. Cottages, Major Pepper ancZ Kittv Pep. Eh— what's the matter ? Pet. [ Wildhj\ Ha, ha ! I have you both now. [Seizins: the Major by the collar with his left hand.] You are the old or\e what told me of it — [Seizing Frank with the right hand.] — and you are the young one that did it. [Frank laughs, Peter shaking him by the collar.] Pep. What the deuce is the meaning Pet. [catting] What ho! Mr. White— Mrs. White- come forth, I say — [//ere f/ie Widow and Mrs. White enter hastily from the two Cottages.] Wid and Mrs. W. [together] Here I am [Short pause. Peter releases the Mi jo r and Frank, and rushes towards his Wtfe, then pauses suddenly, looks at her, and exclaims in a sentimental tone. Pet. Oh, Clementina, have I deserved this of you ? [strik- ing his forehead] Mrs. W. Nay, my dear Peter Pet. [Averting his head.] Away ! away I <' Go to a nuu» nery — go I — go l" — Mrs. W. 'Tis all a mistake, Peter, I assure you. Kit. It be, indeed, sir — come this way, and I'll tell you all about it. [Kitty and Mrs. White endeavour to lead him away — he puts them aside and walks toicards the back striking his forehead and geticulating. They follow and appear to he explaining the affair to him, while Pepper, Frank, and the Widow remain in front conversing.'] Pep. [to Frank] There, there, you may spare your pains, young gentleman, the widow has confessed all ; and 'tis lucky for you that you have so fair an excuse for the de- ception you have practised on me. Frank. May I then hope to be forgiven ? Wid. Nay, that 'vas our condition. Major, was it not ? [Placing her hand upon his arm.] and a soldier's word is his bond. Pep. Zooks ! there is no resisting that bewitching smile, — There, take her, Frank. If I had such a prize in view should certainly 26 MR. AND MRS. PETER WHITE. Wid. {Laughingly.] Complete the quartette of the Mrs, Peppery — eh Major >. Pep, Ha ! ha I Go to, you're a Syren. Wid. A very Widow-, eh, Major ? [Laughing then looking totoards Peier, Sfc] So, it seems my namesake and her spouse are friends again. [Peter, Mrs. While, and Kilty advance. ] Pet. \Laughlng^ Ecod — 'tis a comical mistake ! But I was preciously frightened tho' ! so, there are two Mrs. Whites, — and you are not the Dandy Perfumer after all. [To Frank.] Frank. No indeed, sir ! but I have to apologize to your good lady for the liberty I took in making her my wife for an hour. Mr?.. W. No apology, Sir, I beg — 'twas rather a compli ment than a liberty ! (Curtseying, then aside.) What a liandsome fellow ! P(i. ( To Frank.) Well, I never bear malice ; so there's my hand j and what's more, I ipvite you to my son's christening.— Dear little fellow, you shall see him. [Runs into Cottage r, h. Pep. (Delighted.) Frank, you're a lucky dog, and if you dun't make such a wife happy, you deserve to be made the Jiiost miserable husband in Christendom. Frank. Trust me, uncle, I know the value of the treasure I am about to possess. (At this moment Peter White Enters from the Cottage, carrrying in his arms a child in long clothes.) Pel. (Coming down t. h.) Ladies and gentlemen, allow me the pleasure of introducing to you Master Peter, my son i.nd licir, who will, with your permisssion, when able to spout, have the honour of making you a speech, and return you his respectful thanks for your kind reception of his Pa ! and Ma ! THE CURTAIN FALLS. TURNER'S DRAMATIC LIBRARY. ITherese, • iJ Dead Shot, • 3 Hamlet, ' 4 Chimney Piece, ^ •S Clari, - •6 Dumb Belle, • 7 Unfinished Gent, • 8 Golden Farmer, - y John Jones, 10 Uncle Sam 11 Tom Cringle,-^ 12 Hunting a Turtle, 13 Provost of Bruges, 14 Wandering Minstrel,' 15 Richard HI, 16 Man about town, 17 My Uncle John, 18 The Seven Clerks, 19 Lucille, 20 Douglass, 21 Review, 22 Ugolino 23 P. P, 24 Mummy, 25 Wrecker's Daughter, 26 Bottle Imp, 27 Flight to America,-^ 28 Wahace, 29 Omnibus, 30 Damon and Pythias, 31 Gladiator. 32 Pickwick Club, 33 Love Chase 34 Pizarro, 35 Othello, 36 La Sonnambula, 37 Lady of Lyons, 38 Athenian Captive, 39 Woman's Wit, 40 The Irish Lion, 41 The Spitfire. 42 St. Patrick's Eve, 43 Rory O More, 44 The Ransom, ' 45 Pleasant Neighbours, •46 Maid of Mariendorpt, -47 Tom Noddy's Secret, . 48 The Stranger, .49 Ion, «50 Richelieu, •• •51 Virginius, •52 Sea Captain, •53 Love, •54 Maid of Florence,^ •55 John Di Procida •56 Old Maids, •57 Cinderella, ^58 Fra Diavlo, '59 Money, • 60 London Assurance, *61 Hunchback, '62 School for Scandal, '63 Apostate, ' 64 Venice Preserved '65 Iron Chest, '66 The Bridal,-^ •67 Love in Humble Life, *68 Raising the Wind, • 69 Swiss Cottage, '70 Nipped in the Bud, 1 71 Perplexing Predicament • 72 Did you ever send your ^ Wife to Brooklyn, '73 Floating Beacon, • 74 The Maid of Croissy. •75 The Mother and Child ' are doing well. '76 Luke the Labourer. «77 Brazen Drum, ' 78 Village Lawyer. '79. Maurice, the Wood- cutter. '80 Rake's Progress, '81 Willful Murder, • 82 Ambrose Gwinett, ' 83 Idiot Witness, — -v" ■ Mr. and Mrs. White ^ TURNER & F NEW YORK AND PH Publish, and keep always for sale, a largest and best assc %$M- ©^ 014 527 155 1 iiiLiiii tif iiiii^ PRIMERS, PLAIN & GERMAN ALMANACS, CONVEBSATION CAROS, ILLUSTRATED PAMPHLB^TS, Bream BOOS0, VALENTINE WRITERS. CURRIER'S COLORED PRINTS, CQOK BOOKS, BECEIPT BOOKS, COLORED A, B, C, CARDS, &-C., &-C., &C. All of which they guarrantee to sell at such low prices, as cannot fail to give full satisfaction.