I LIBRARY OF CONGRESS.! # JM&tl ....■ Al±*y I, UNITED STATES OP AMERICA, f i; &-/ Nothing can cover his high fame but heaven ; No pyramids set off his memory But the eternal substance of his greatness To which I leave him. Beaumont & Fletcher, TO THE KING'S MOST EXCELLENT MAJESTY. Sire, A devout admirer of church and state presumes to lay the following pages with cha- racteristic propriety at your feet By this act, he would be understood to wave his consider- ation of the monarch, and to address himself exclusively to the munificent Mecaenas of the fine arts. Deign then, oh best of Princes, to justify his appeal, that posterity may learn how Warren enlarged the bounds of science, and his Sovereign bowed approval. Periander, oh King, yet survives in connection with the sages whom he upheld, and long after the trophies of a Wellington shall have floated down the Lethe of oblivion, the name of Guelph, eternised by the gratitude of Warren, shall flourish to after ages^ the Medici of IT DEDICATION. modern art. That as yet this mighty Manu- facturer has lived comparatively unnoticed, he casts no reflection on Your Majesty ; he resigns that office to his Blacking, but feels with the sensitiveness of neglected genius, that intellect, like the oak, is but tardy in the attainment of its honours. But his hour hath at last arrived, the sun of his fortunes is high in heaven, and its full meridian effulgence he here dedicates to the service of Your Majesty. In a kindred spirit of unexampled loyalty, his Editor ventures to subscribe himself, Your Majesty's most dutiful, Most zealous, Most affectionate, And most obsequious, humble servant, W. G. CONTENTS. Page Introduction. By W. Gjti - - - - 7 Warren. W. Lty-jftM^ - - - 14 Old Cumberland Pedlar. W. W«, t - 20 Warren in Fairy land. J. H. - 26 A Nursery Ode. L. H n -,,;1; - - - - - 33 Digression on the Family of Warren at the Time of the Crusades. C.'M*tJta - - - ;~ " 37 Carmen Triumphale. R. S., P. L. ' O * - - 43 The Triumph of Warren, a Cambridge Prize Poem C.H.T.48 The Girl of Saint Mary- Axe. B.C. - - - 5% The Sable School of Poetry. B. M.i - - ' - 63 The Childe's Pilgrimage. Lord B. - 70 The Dream, a Psychological Curiosity. S. T. C. - 80 Annus Mirabilis. The N. M. M^-rJ r - - 92 Warren at Saint Stephen's. TheRVoftheT. - 100 Battle of Brentford Green. Sir W. S. - ~ - 121 A Letter to the Editor of Warreniana. J. B. > - 134 Song. J. B. ------- ise Appendix. W. G.uM .J 141 INotes, critical and explanatory. W. G. - - 151 INTRODUCTION, By W. G. In order to account for my connection with this vo- lume* it is necessary to revert to a favourite and lead- ing episode in my early life. This is an egotistical, but, as my friends all assure me, a requisite duty, and one the mere mention of which will plead, 1 trust, my best apology with the public. At any rate it shall have brevity* to recommend it. The reader who is at all acquainted with my trans- lation of the Roman satirist will remember, that in the memoirs prefixed to that volume I alluded to the fact of my having been sent to a little day-school at A n. To this I have to add, that I had continu* ed but a short time in a state fluctuating between the extremes of despondency and hope, when a boy, by name Warren, was dispatched to the same acade- my. This boy was the present celebrated manufac- * As I have already written my Memoirs at full length in my translation of the satirist of Aquinura, it is superfluous to repeat more in this place than bears directly on the point G, 9 INTRODUCTION turer of the Strand. He was many years my junior, ardent and speculative in his turn of mind, warm- hearted and sincere in his disposition, and eccentric in his general demeanor. There was, in fact, a some- thing about Lim that excited while it rivetted atten- tion* and inspired me with the proud hope of one day becoming his associate, I was not deceived in my conjectures ; a sympathy of situation seemed to draw us with the force of a magnet towards each other, till from mere school companions we became bosom friends. But these halcyon days were not long to last. A summons from his father, who was a wholesale manu- facturer of blacking, recalled young Warren to Lon- don, and I was bound apprentice to a shoe-maker at A n. In this situation I languished away six dreary years, with no earthly amusement to divert ennui but occasional correspondence with my friend. Time, meanwhile, rolled over both our heads ; by the kindness of friends, more especially by that of the late Lord G r, I was enabled to prosecute my studies at Exeter College, Oxford ; while my friend continued his slow but certain career under the fos- tering patronage of the metropolis. Still, notwith- standing the difference of our pursuits, our attach- ment remained unabated ; so much so indeed, that when I ever meditated a few days' retirement from the fatigue of literary pursuits, my inclinations had always a reference to the Strand, INTRODUCTION 9 It was during one of these later visits in the au- tumn of 1820, when both (shall I be excused the ex- pression?) had acquired some little celebrity, that my friend proposed to me the Editorship of the pre- sent volume. He was pleased to add, that the cir- cumstance of my previous apprenticeship to a shoe- maker peculiarly fitted me for the task, and that he would diminish what remained of difficulty by his own immediate co-operation, It appeared, when I catechised him on the subject, that in order to in- crease his connection he had been for years in the habit of retaining the services of eminent literary characters. This joined to his own poetical * abili- ties, which displayed themselves in perpetual adver- tisements, had considerably enhanced the value of his profession. Still a something seemed wanting; one complete edition of" Warreniana," to which the public might refer as certificates of his merit. With this view he had lately engaged all the intellect of England in his behalf; each author furnishing a mo- dicum of praise in the style to which he was best adapted, and receiving in return a recompense pro- portioned to his worth. There were some, however, who from the circumstance of their residing abroad, (as in the instance of Lord B ) found no little difficulty in complying with this application. In such case their own bookseller was appointed the * For an ingenious criticism on the merits of Mr. Warren, as a poet, the reader is referred to the article intituled "The Sa« b!e School of Poetry," 10 INTRODUCTION. agent through whom their communications were con- veyed. On being informed of these particulars, I assented to my friend's proposal, and forthwith applied my- self to the Editorship of hs " Warreniana." I be- gan by sifting the different MSS. confided to my in- spection, and ascertaining, in the next place, their claims to authenticity and respect. My researches, in short, were attended with as severe mental labor as my late Memoirs of Ben Johnson. Occasionally I found the text obscure* either from the difficulty of its local allusions or the hieroglyphic confusion of its characters. Not unfrequently I discovered a fact set forth on the flimsiest and most apocryphal testi- mony, or an expression that was to all appearance doubtful, where, in point 01 fact, it was merely ob- solete. To these verbal or local difficulties I affixed both critical and explanatory notes, which the reader will find methodically arranged at the close of the volume. He need not be alarmed at their bulk, for I can assure him that in the selection I have been principally influenced by my regard for a pertinent brevity. Among the numerous contributors to whose arti- cles these annotations are appended, may be found the names of my opponents both in politics and lite- rature. I mention this in order to avoid the charge of inconsistency ; for surely in a work like the pre- sent, whose sole intention is to advertise the merits INTRODUCTION, 11 of one individual, such asperities are altogether irre- levant. Sometimes, however, these articles exhibit a marked difference (as in the instance of the "psy- chological curiosity,") to the style usually adopted by their author. This would naturally induce my readers to consider them as fictitious ; far from it, they are nothing more than dexterous disguises by which he endeavours to excite an anonymous curiosi- ty. In a few instances they may appear inapplica- ble, as is the case with the " Nursery Ode," and the " Girl of Saint Mary Axe." This, too, is an artful contrivance on the part of their respective authors, who wisely thought that it was better to insinuate praise, than to thrust it under the reader's nose in bold and palpable panegyric. Discretion is assured- ly as much the better part of compliment as of valor. I am apprehensive, however, that the occasional warmth of their language may somewhat affect their claims to this latter quality. I shall not attempt to extenuate the defect. Poets are an imaginative race, and a licence is permitted to their fancies, which we should deny to the soberer realities of prose. But a few of them lie under a far more serious charge than the mere exuberance of their praises, and if Mr. S — T — C— , when he next puts forth "a psychological curiosity," would deign to render it somewhat less cw- rious in point of absurdity, both Warren and the world would be his debtors. 2* 12 INTRODUCTION, Before I close tbis introduction I must not omit to notice the generous assistance of tbe few friends to whom I explained the nature of my connection with " Warreniana." Mr. D'Israeli in particular claims my eternal thanks for the valuable light that he has enabled me to throw (vide Note 6.) on the nature and origin of the " lollipop." To the re- porter of the Times, for the zeal with which he prof- fered to my assistance the parliamentary debate upon Warren, I confess equal obligation. Nor must Mr. Farley be forgotten, when I reflect that to his un- wearied researches I am indebted for the pantomime to whose use I have alluded in the notes. I have yet to mention my earliest and most rever- ed friend, the manufacturer of Blacking. Though heretofore noticed as an associate, he is now to be commemorated as a coadjutor. Avocations of a pe- culiar but promising character engross his present leisure ; yet no one acquainted with any publication of mine can require to be told, that no part of the present work has passed the press without his anx- ious revision. But with what rapture do I trace the words Robert Warren ! Five and forty springs have now passed over my head since 1 first found my friend in our little school at his spelling book. During this long period our attachment has been without a cloud ; the pride of my youth, the delight of my declining years. I have followed, with an interest that few can feel and none can know, the progress of my friend from the humble state of a retail manufac- INTRODUCTION. 13 turer, to the elevated situation which he has cow at- tained, and have beheld each successive advance- ment endeared by the approbation of the public. But the golden virtues of his character will be the theme of other times and other pens ; it is sufficient for my happiness to have witnessed at the close of a career, prolonged far beyond my expectations, the friend and companion of my youth in his present dignified capacity, as the Coryphaeus of modern manu- facturers. WARREN. By W. L The elements are so mixed up in him, That nature may stand boldly forth and say, This is a man. Shakspeare, The metropolis of England to a stranger, and more especially an American, exhibits the varied wonders of a fairy -land. Its hoary cathedrals at Westminster and Cheapside ; its richly foliaged groves of Kensing- ton and Hyde Park, carpeted with the freshest ver- dure, and reflecting in added beauty the dazzling hues of morn, or the mellowed effulgence of twilight, — these and a hundred objects of similar attraction, present each to the mind of the traveller a theme for unbounded admiration. For the first week of his arrival he betrays a wondering ignorance at the al- ternate grace and grandeur of each scene or edifice he beholds, and broods, with the tenacious eagerness of a child, over every fresh source of amusement. He visits, with intensest interest, the rival temples of Melpomene and Thalia, recalls the Quirinal Hill in contemplating the majestic Achilles, and paces, with kingly step, the tesselated pavements of Regent WARREN. 1 5 Street. In a few weeks, however, this feverish ec- stacy subsides, and he has then sufficient soberness of temperament to pay his passing tribute of ap- plause to those sweet but unobtrusive nestling places, which are consecrated by the recollection of living or departed genius. Then it is that he visits the Boar's Head at Eastcheap. and, in fancy, quaffs his sack with Falslaff; or, with feelings of equal enthusiasm, bows before the shrine of Warren^ the manufacturer and minstrel of the Strand. As for this reverential purpose I was once buying a pot of Blacking at Number 30, my attention was attracted to a person who was seated in a state of deep abstraction behind the counter. He was ad- vanced in life, tall, and of a form that might once have been commanding, but it was a little bowed by care, perhaps by business. He had a noble Roman style of countenance, a head that would have pleased a painter; and though some slight furrows on either side his nose showed that snuff and sorrow bad been busy there, yet his eye still beamed with the fire of a poetic soul. There was something in his whole appearance that indicated a being of a different or- der from the bustling shop-boys around him. I enquired his name, and was informed that it was Warren. I drew back with an involuntary feeling of veneration. This, then, was an artist of celebri- ty ; this was one of those imaginative spirits whose newspaper advertisements have gone forth to the 1 6 WARREN. ends of the earth, and with whose blacking I have cleaned my shoes, even in the solitudes of America. It was a moment pregnant with emotion ; and though the popular graces of his poetry had made me fa- miliar with the name of Warren, yet it could not di- minish the reverence which his immediate presence inspired. As I quitted his abode, the recollection of this great man gave a tone of deep meditation to my mind. I recalled what I had heard of his character, his low- ly origin and subsequent elevatiou, his unconquera- ble diligence and rich poetic fancy. Nature, I in- ternally exclaimed, appears to have disseminated her bounties with a more impartial profusion than our vanity is willing to allow. If to one favourite she has assigned the glittering endowments of rank and fortune, she has compensated the want of them in another by an intellect of superior elevation. Such has been the case with Mr. Warren. Though hum- ble in origin, and suckled amid scenes repulsive to the growth of mind, he has yet contrived to hew him- self a path to the Temple of Fame, and having be- come the poetical paragon of the Strand, has turned the whole force of his genius to manufacture and to eulogise his blacking. This prudent concentration of his faculties has been attended with the most feli- citous consequences. The stream of his fancy, that before flowed over a wide ungrateful surface, by con- tracting its channel has deepened its power, and now rolls onward to the ocean of eternity, reflecting on its bosom the rich lights of poesy and wit. WARREN. 17 Independently, however, ©f his imagination, this mighty manufacturer has shown how much may be effected by diligence alone, and how attractive it may present itself in the columns of a newspaper, the placards of a pedestrian, or the sides of a church- yard wall. The memoranda of his name and profes- sion display themselves in alphabetical beauty, at every department of the metropolis. They have el- bowed Doctor Solomon's Elixir, pushed Day and Mar- tin from their stools, and taken the wall of that in- teresting anomaly, the Mermaid. Such is the tri- umph of genius. Doctor Solomon is dead and gone, and there is no balm in Gilead ; but Warren's Black- ing will be immortal. Its virtues will ensure it eter- nity ; for not only doth it irradiate boots, shoes, and slippers with a gentle and oleaginous refulgence, but while it preserves the leather, it cherishes, like pie- ty, the old and stricken sole. In America we know Mr. Warren only as the tradesman ; in Europe, Asia, and Africa, he is spo- ken of as the poet : and at the Canaries, on my voyage to England, I was told by a Hottentot of his having been unfortunate in love. (1)1 was sensibly af- flicted at the intelligence, but felt that the illustrious invalid was far, far above the reach of pity. There are some lofty minds that soar superior to calamity, as the Highlands of the Hudson tower above the clouds of earth. Warren has a soul of this stamp. His majestic spirit may feel, but will not bow before the strong arm of adversity. The blighting winds 1 8 WARREN. of care may howl around him in their fury, but like the oak of the forest he will stand unshaken to the last. Besides, it may, perhaps, be to this very accident, that his advertisements owe their charm ; for the mind, when breathed over by the scathing mildew of calamity, naturally tut ns for refreshment to its own healing stores of intellect. I do not wish to censure, but surely — surely, if the commercial residents of the Strand had been pro- perly sensible of what was due to Mr. Warren and themselves, they would have evinced some public mark of sympathy with his misfortune. They would have shown him those gentle and unobtrusive atten- tions which win their way in silence to the heart, when the more noisy professions of esteem stick like Amen in the larynx of Macbeth. Even I, stranger and sojourner as I am in the land, can heave the sigh of pity for his sorrows ; what then should be the sensi- bility of those who have seen him grow up a bantling, as it were, of their own ; who have marked the plant put forth its first tender blossoms, and watched its growing luxuriance, until the period when it over- shadowed the Strand with the matured abundance of its foliage ? But it is an humbling reflection for the pride of human intellect, that the value of an object is seldom felt until it be for ever lost. Thus, when the grave has closed around him, the name of Warren may be possibly recalled with sentiments of sincerest affec- WARREN. 1 9 tion. At present, while yet in existence, he is un- dervalued by an invidious vicinity. But the man of letters who speaks of the Strand, speaks of it as the residence of Warren. The intelligent traveller who visits it, enquires where Warren is to be seen. He is the literary landmark of the place, indicating its existence to the distant scholar. He is like Pompey's column at Alexandria, towering alone in classic dig- nity. OLD CUMBERLAND PEDLAR. By W. W. SUMMARY OF CONTENTS. A summer afternoon. The Solitary (i. e. author) seats himself on a bank of buttercups with Johanna, Goody Blake, Tims, Stokes, and some others beside him ; informs them that he shall not drink tea till half past eight, and that as it is now only seveu o'clock, he has got one hour and a half left for conversation. Solitary accordingly describes his excursion some years ago among the mountains, where he saw Warren's name engraved upon the rocks. Philosophical reflections upon Warren's Blacking. Solitary then commences the tale of Peter Bell ; describes how he blew his nose among the mountains, and how the mountains sent back an echo— Catalogue of mountains engaged in the chorus. Solitary proceeds to detail the particu- lars of his interview with Bell, who, it seems, was a travelling pedlar to the firm of Robert Warren, 30, Strand. Eulogium on Robert and his Blacking. Solitary goes on to say that Bell and himself walked together towards Rydal, but that on the road he was bitten on the nose by a gnat. Meditations on a gnat-bite. Solitary closes his account of the Pedlar, and gives good advice to his little friends, Goody Blake, Johanna, Stokes & Co. Stokes indecent. (2) Solitary admonishes him to tie up the knee- strings of his breeches, and informs bim that Goody Blake has OLD CUMBERLAND PEDLAR. 21 ibeen peeping for the last half- hour. Stokes ties up his knee- strings, and the poem is concluded by the Solitary exhorting the juvenile audience to "buy Warren's Blacking." George Fisher, Goody Blake, and Betty Foy, Johanna, Matthew, Tims, and you too, Stokes, Come, sit ye down upon this bank of fresh But bilious buttercups : 'tis scarcely seven, And I shall not drink tea till half-past eight, Or peradventure nine, so that one hour, One sober hour remains for converse sweet. You all knew Peter Bell, the pedlar, he Was a hale man and honest, and each spring What time the cuckoo carolled in the hedge, Would seek our simple villages, to vend His patron's wares — of him I now would speak j; And while yon grave, 'neath which his ashes sleep, Feeds in the fattening twilight, 1 will tell An incident that once befell us both Among the rocks by steep Helvellyn's side. It chanced one summer morn I passed the clefts Of Silver-How, and turning to the left, Fast by the blacksmith's shop, two doors beyond Old Stubb's, the tart-woman's, approached a glen Secluded as a coy nun from the world. Beauteous it was but lonesome, and while I Leaped up for joy to think that earth was good And lusty in her boyhood, I beheld VZ OLD CUMBERLAND PEDLAR. Graven on the tawny rock these magic words, " Buy Warren's Blacking ;" then in thought I said, My stars, how we improve ! (3) Amid these scenes Where hermit nature, jealous of the world, Guards from profane approach her solitude ; E'en here, despite each fence, adventurous art Thrusts her intrusive puffs ; as though the rocks And waterfalls were mortals, and wore shoes. That morn I lost my breakfast, but returning Home through the New Cut by Charles Fleming's field Westward of Rydal Common, and below The horse-pond, where our sturdy villagers Duck all detected vagrants, I espied A solitary stranger ; like a snail He wound along his narrow course with slow But certain step, and lightly as he paced, Drew from the deep Charybdis of his coat, What seemed to my dim eyes a handkerchief, And forthwith blew his nose : the adjacent rocks, Like something starting from a hurried sleep, Took up the snuffling twang and blew again. That ancient woman seated on Helm-crag Was ready with her cavern ; Hammar-scar, And the tall steep of Silver-How sent back Their nasal contributions ; Lougbrigg heard, And Fair-field answered with a mountain tone. The old man paused to listen, but when ceased This mountainous bravura, on his staff OLD CUMBERLAND PEDLAR, %& He bowed bis palsied head la compliment To my approach ; " My God ! 'tis Peter Bell," I cried aloud ; " how fare you, my good friend ?" Then thus the pedlar spake : " Oddsniggers, sir,'' I use his very words, "full twenty years Have past since you and I held talk together, So now let's chat a bit." With that he spake Familiarly of me and of old times, And of grand sights that he had seen since last We roved through Hammar-scar ; how he had dwelt Long with a mighty merchant in the Strand, Higbt Warren, and was travelling to grave His name upon each rock, that when the hinds Passed by that way, their speculative eyes Might linger on the carved advertisement. He added, that this merchant was a man, Like those of Tyre and Sidon, glorified By the wide universe, and that his name Was honoured among nations ,* he was one Who sprang from nothing, like a mountain rill, Till widening in its course the ambitious stream Of his good fortune poured a tide of wealth Into the sea of Number thirty, Strand. When Peter ended, I proposed a walk To Rydal, for the day was fresh with youth, And thousand burnished insects on the wing, The bee, the butterfly, and humming gnat, Flew swift as years of childhood o'er our heads. Touching these gnats, I could not choose but feel, When I had walked, perhaps, some minutes' space? 24 OLD CUMBERLAND PEDLAR. The venomous superficies of a pimple, On the left side my nose : 'twas streaked with hues Of varied richness, like a summer eve ; And edged, as is the thunder-cloud, with tints Albescent, and alarming to the eye. — It was a gnat-bite ! ! On the previous eve, When, rapt in thought by lone Helvellyn's side, My fancy slept ; this unrelenting insect Marking his hour, had borne me company, And tweaked a memorandum on my nose. Thus nature warns her sons, and when their thoughts Aspire too boldly, or their soaring minds Elope with truant fancy from the flesh, Their lawful spouse, she spurns the gross affront, And sends a gnat to tell them they are clay. My spirit owned her chastening hand, and gazed On heath and hill, and sunless glen and rock, In lowliness of heart, while pitying heaven, As it approved th' offender's penitence, Looked down upon me with an eye of love — An eye of love it was, but Peter Bell, (Antique pedestrian,) felt the gracious charm O'erflow his soul no longer ; he was clad In thick buff waistcoat, cotton pantaloons I* th' autumn of their life, and wore beside A drab great coat, on whose pearl buttons beamed The beauty of the morning ; as we strolled, I could not choose but ask his age, assured OLD CUMBERLAND PEDLAR, £5 That he was seventy-five at least, and though He did not own it, I'm convinced he was. That hour hath long since past, and the old man Peter is with his fathers ; but at eve. When mid the deepening hush of winds I rove Along that mountain glen, where erst he blew His vocal nose, the memory of his talk Floodeth my spirit with a freshening stream Of bygone thoughts ; then too I call to mind The fame of Warren, and reflect how wit, Albeit in commerce, will attain respect And glory from the nations ; therefore, friends — (Tie up the knee-strings of your breeches, Stokes, For shocked am I that Betty Foy should see Coy nature peeping through your ragged hose)-— Still be the name of Warren in your mouths, His blacking in your cottages, and still Let the example of his industry Fall, like a genial shadow from the West, Upon your minds ; and when in after years You strive to prison Mammon in your purse By various traffic, think how Warren rose By punctual payments ; for believe me, friends, That in commercial contact with the world, A tradesman's tick, is a tick-douloureux. Incurable by all, save those who bear, Like Henry Hase, a sovereign remedy. WARREN IN FAIRY LAND. By J. H. Bonnie Rob Warren gaed up the lang glen — 2 Twas on Saturday last, at a quarter to ten — The morn was still, and the sky was blue, And the clouds were robed in their simmer hue, And the leaf on the elm looked green as the sea When it sleepeth in brief tranquillity ; And over and under, o'er muirland and grove, Earth whispered o' peace, and heaven o' love. Drowsy wi' porter, and scant o' breath, Warren reclined him on Hampstead Heath ; The lark in mid-air douce melody made, And the wind through the bushes in silence strayed ; And the cuckoo, herald of infant spring, Soothed his ear wi' her welcoming ; Till rapt in reverie strange and deep* Bonnie Rob Warren fell fast asleep. He dreamed that fairies beside him lay, And beckoned him on to a far pathway, Whar the earth was paved wi' gowd and gems, And clustering jewels hung wild on their stems ; Whar birds frae the blossom, and sylphs frae the sky* Carolled his name as they past him by; WARREN IN FAIRY LAND. %'i And fairy maidens o' dazzling sheen, Sae gentle in nature and peerless in mien, Sune as they kenned him, began to speir, Wi' " Bonnie Hob Warren, you're welcome here." Then fluttered they round him in mazy rings, Ilk to the sound of her rustling wings, Frae their light foot-fall wee flowers arose, And buttercups blossomed aneath their nose ; And a fountain welled at their awfu' call, Through caller pavilion and magic hall. And anon shot up, frae its sonsie brink 9 Showers of blacking as sable as ink. — Then turned they to left, and turned they to right, Breasting the breeze frae a sense o' delight, Then shot they through air like a thought through the brain- Hurrah ! hurrah ! they are trooping amain ; Warren and wizard in ebon car, Wi' faces as fierce as a whiskered hussar. Day closed ere they reached their journey's end, And wi' buirdly footsteps 'gan to ascend A palace as crowded as Fleet-street mart, And called in heaven " the Palace of Art," Whar the grit in science on earth below, Make, as the pugilists term it, "a show," And enjoy unfading in heaven again The honours they reaped 'mid the sons o' men, Sune as the fairies and Warren drew near, Shouts rung through the magical atmosphere, Zti WARREN IN FAIRY LAND. The gates o* the palace flew open and wide, And weird manufacturers side by side, Welcomed the tradesman wi' trumpet and ca\ And throned him aloft in the midst o' them a'. Abune him an elfin empress shone. The fairest that ever the earth looked on, She gave him a telescope winsome and bright, And cannily bade him recruit his sight, Wi* the fame he wad gain in after times, For the strength of his blacking and force of his rhymes. He look'd, and aneath him lay merrie England ; JVlen rushed frae a' quarters towards the Strand, For close whar as yet Saint Clement's is seen, A temple superb, and refulgent o' mien, Arrested the e'e wi' these words on its gate, "Erected in honor of Warren the great ;" Then bowed at this modern Saint Becket's shrine, Prince, peasant, and peer, as to something divine ; The organ struck up, you might hear it a mile, And chiels in white surplices chonissed the while Wee Braham's great grandson au anthem concocted, Whilk the feelings of a' maist affectingJy shock did ; For virgins and widows, wives, peasants, and peers, Were up to their knees in a deluge o' tears. He looked again, and the scene was new — Lang African deserts rose high on his view, And he kenned beneath him a winding Cape With its Hottentot callants sae matchless in shape; WARREN IN FAIRY LAND* 29 The Cape it was peopled wi' city and town, The Hottentots adepts in fashion were grown ; And bucks frae the Nile wi' braw coats on their ■*> backs, f And douce inexpressibles lengthy and lax, £ Like those whilko'night may be seen at Almack's ; J Through the towns o'the Cape strutted deftly alang, Beguiling their lounge with an opera sang, Whilk the Nile echoed back, as if proud to impart To the praises o' Warren the tunes o' Mozart. The tradesman beheld a' these dandy adults, Wi' their hessians of Hoby and trowsers of Stultz, And knew that his blacking, more black than the berry, Lent grace to the boots of each Cape Tom and Jer- ry. (4) He looked again, and the scene was new — The Moslem dominions rose high on his view; But the domes o' the prophet, the glittering mosk, The temples o' Mecca, Medina's kiosk, Nae longer the soul o' devotion attacking, Were changed to bazaars for Rob Warren's jet black- ing J Each Turk too eschewed his red slippers and sandals, Mair fit for the ancles o' Goths or o' Vandals, And wore in their stead our trim protestant suits, Fause collars and high polished Wellington boots. He looked again, and the scene was new — Spitzbergen's mirk regions rose high on his view ; 30 WARREN IN FAIRY LAND. But sullen as death was ilk ice-girdled coast, For winter walked o'er it wi' tempest and frost, And the wind in reply to the hollow wave's raoau, Sate on his rock and gave groan for groan. Rob Warren glow'red over Ibis warld wi' dismay, Till far frae the distance in gallant array, A merchantman's bark shot along the blue sea, Like a wean in the height of its innocent glee. Oh ! brawly she danced o'er the billows sae bright, And flashed on the eye like a thing o' delight; While the natives rushed doon frae their hills to the shore, To buy the rich freightage that brave vessel bore. 'Twas Warren's jet blacking the merchantmen brought, 'Twas Warren's jet blacking they puffed (as they ought) ; Ilk Esquimaux rubbed it o'er sandal and shoon, Whilk it polished as bright as the braw harvest moon ; And roared, as he rubbed it, wi' barbarous glee, " Hey, Sirs, a douce chiel this Rob Warren maun be." The vision ceased, and the elfin queen Upturned to the tradesman her bonny blue e'en, And bade ilka stainless and sylphid miss Welcome him hame wi' a dance and a kiss. They caught him fast by the breeches and coat, As spiders a blue-bottle grasp by the throat ; They caught him fast by the coat and the breeches. As holy Saint Anthony fingered the witches, WARREN IN FAIRY LAND. 3l And tauld him wV unco 9 smiles and glee How time, as yet unborn, wad be When Turner and daft Day and Martin sold fall, And bonnie Rob Warren be all in all. Then danced they around him, each beautiful one ; Their raiments o' siller shone bright in the sun; For the women were clad in star«colored frocks, And the men in black silk stockings and clocks. Wae's me that I canna, I maunna reveal, How fondly they kiss'd him, lad, lassie, and chiel, How lang they caressed him and pressed him to stay, \ Until, as dun night saddened over the day, £ Each sweet fairy countenance faded away. — j Then Warren awoke frae his awfu' sleep, The shadows abune him grew dusky and deep, Where tinselPd wi' twilight and gemmed wi' dew, j Lay the heath primrose and the violet blue, > Fresh as the spring, and as beautiful too. ? The humming bee slept in the apple bloom, The whistling hind sought his cottage home, And the west wind, purest of a' that blows, Made fond acquaintance wi' lily and rose ; For under the rose and aneath the night's shade, Sounds sweetest the music o' love's serenade. When mony an hour had come and gone, Frae half past ten till a quarter to one, When the dinner had waited baith roast and boiled, And the cauld leg o' mutton and turnips were spoiled ; 4 32 WARREN IN FAIRY LAND. Late, late in the gloaming when a' was still, But the tramp o* night-teddies up Ludgate-hill, Frae Hampstead Heath, i' the flush of his fame, To the Strand, Number 30. Rob Warren came hame, And oh ! his beauty was fair to see. And gay was his spirit and lightsome his e'e, As he spak o' the wonderful things he had seen, In a land whar sorrow had never been ; Whar, spite o' the fairies, in palace or hall, He was the fairest abune them all ; And sweet to feel and blythe to say, Suld thrive in the warld's esteem for aye.— Now lang live a' those whae hae money to lend, And lang live a' those wha have ony to spend ; And lang live a' those wha hae gowd to receive, And ditto to those wha have ony to give ; Provided, that lang as 'tis likely to sell, They'll buy Warren's Blacking, and puff it as well. A NURSERY ODE, By L. H. N. B. The following Nursery Ode was originally written fop private circulation, and transmitted, together with an ounce of crisp gingerbread-nuts, to my little acquaintance, John Warren, junior, by way of a birth-day present. As, how- ever, the Editor of this Volume, to whom it was shown by the father, imagined that it might be serviceable in promot- ing the interests of his Work, it is here numbered among the collection, Ah, little ranting Johnny ! For ever blythe and bonny, And singing heigho, nonny ! Come, you rogue, to me now, And sit upon my knee now, While in thought we rove Through clipsome Lisson Grove*, Where the blackbird singeth And the daisy springeth, And the Naiads tie, AH underneath the sky, 34 A NURSERY ODE. Their garters with crisp posies Of daffodils and roses. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny ! Fie ! oh fie upon ye ! Thus to teaze your nunkey, You good-for-nothing monkey; Thus to pull and swale His perriwig and tail, And throw, with cunning glee, Tobacco in his tea. There—but words are vain, John- There you go again, John; Now perked up in a corner, Like jaunty Jacky Horner ; Now clambering up the chimney With springy step and slim knee, Till, open-mouthed, you whip down An ounce of soot; then slip down, And run to daddy, crying — •' Odzooks, papa, I'm dying :" (5) Or else, with glib intention, You puzzle your invention To joke us ; first you weep, John, And snore as if asleep, John ; Then up you jump and cry out — " Oh Christ, I've poked my eye out!' When lo ! directly after, You turn us into laughter. Well, poppet, though you bore us With one eternal chorus; A NURSERY ODE. 35 Of Iiarum scarurn divo, Tag rag and genitivo; And though, you tricksy wizard, You daily stuff your gizzard With sugar-plums of full size, And lollipops and bulls'-eyes, (6) The Muse, through me, shall shed, now. Her blessings on your head, now. May your hours of childhood, Like roses in a wild wood, Shed native sweets around you, Till sunny thoughts surround you; And when by twilight still You roam o'er Primrose-Hill, Or when, by midnight dark, You cross the Regent's Park, May Pan, with eye so brightsome 9 And cock-up nose so lightsome. Tell you tales of tree-gods, Of river and of sea-gods ; As how from lover's lay Daphne stole away ; How by Tempos fountain She ran, and Pindus* mountain, While chesnut, vine, and hop-leaf Rung aloud with " Stop thief!" And, to love a martyr, Apollo followed arter ; (7) Or how that Colchian witch, In Jason's friendship rich, 4 * 36 A NURSERY ODE. Her father dared to whip in A monstrous earthen pipkin, (8) To boil him up with Iamb And caper-sauce and ham, And then, as I'm a sinner, To dish him up for dinner ! Your father, too, my own John, We'll not let him alone, John, But, with prophetic glee, Declare how time will be When nations shall proclaim The triumphs of his fame, And story pile on story In honour of his glory. So now good night, my Johnny; Put your night-cap on ye ; (5) And mind, you little jewel, Mind you drink your gruel, Or else, despite your tears, John, Papa will box your ears, John. DIGRESSION ON THE FAMILY OF WARREN AT THE TIME OF THE CRUSADES. (10) By C. M. The encounter between the Latin and the Mos- lem world, which for several centuries darkened the moral and political aspect of society, is relieved by few glimmerings of intellectual light. Nature re- coils with horror from the cruelties, and with shame from the habitual folly and senselessness, which marked the prosecution of the sanguinary and vain- glorious contest. Yet, in wandering over the gloomy expanse of fanaticism and crime, the diligent histo- rian may discover some fairer traces of the human mind ; and his philosophic eye will contemplate with pleasure at least one episode in the first crusade. I imitate, with pride and satisfaction, the example of a great authority in rescuing from oblivion the early fortunes of a noble bouse, whose foundations were planted on the shores of Asia. But I am, in one re- spect, happier than my great precursor in the subjeet 38 DIGRESSION OS THE of the present digression, which I propose to append to the next edition of my work : I am not called upon to blush for t^e degeneracy of the family whose founder has engaged my attention. My labours are refreshed by the conviction, that while his achieve- ments ennoble my task, the immortality of my pages will neither be sullied nor depreciated by the dis- grace and decay of his illustrious descendants. I pretend not to develop the origin of Michael de la Warene, but I can colled from a j June and anony- mous chronicler, that he ha d filled with spotless in- tegrity a station in the 1' usehold of Robert Curthose 3 Duke of Normandy. The voluptuous Robert has been commended or reproached for the luxurious hospitality of his board, and a long train of culinary vassals swelled the wasteful extravagance of his pa- lace. The classical reader will be interested in the fact that the Apician precepts were understood and practised by his cook, Peter de la Warene : and Mi- chael, the friend and cousin of Peter (they were bro- ther's sons), followed his lord to the East. But the careless Robert was unable (so great was his poverty) to arm his retainers, and the gravity of history is disturbed by the assurance that Michael de la Warene was equipped from the armoury of the kitchen. But the cousin of the cook was superior to the caprices of accident, and the stewpan, the jack-chain, and the spit, were converted by the resources of genius into the helmit, the chain armour, and the lance of kuight- hood. Before the towers of Antioch the follower of Curthose proved the gallantry of bis spirit and the FAMILY OF WARREN. 39 excellence of his burnished arms, and the admiration of the croises acknowledged with plaudits the merit of Michael the Polisher. I shall not pause to repeat my narrative of the sufferings of the Franks in their passage through Asia Minor ; but I may be permitted to relate a melancho- ly instance of the extent of their misery. In the march over the burning deserts of Phrygia, the army were oppressed with the accumulated horrors of drought and hunger. Food was utterly extinct : bare extremities were preferred to starvation, and the leather breeches and boots of the horsemen were sa- crificed to the common necessities of the host. The polisher condescended with tears to his pristine voca- tion. His culinary skill was employed in converting his own boots into a meal for his lord, and Curthose, regarding with unfeeling merriment the naked legs of his vassal, declared his wonder that leather could furnish so exquisite a repast. But fidelity to a liege lord was regarded by the simplicity of the times as the highest exertion of virtue, and Michael (I repeat the language of the chronicler) was comforted by St. George in a dream, with the promise that the leather which he had sacrificed should become the type or greatness to his latest descendants. His faithful dog, once the turnspit of the ducal palace, and now the carrier of his baggage*, slept by his side ; and the * See my enumeration of the sumpter animals of the crusaders vol. i. p. 147. •* goats, hogs, and dogs." But I cannot discover that these last were generally turnspits. 40 DIGRESSION ON THE astonished Norman beheld him flayed by the knife of the saint, and Celt his own legs wrapped in the reek- ing hide of the sufferer. But the vision of the booted warrior was disturbed by rude alarums, and, waking on the cry that the foe were at hand, he sprang on his destrier to await the hostile shock. Countless myriads of the infidels ri- valled in immensity the sands of the desert before him, and the wearied and unshodden croises despair- ed of their safety and cause. The wisdom of the pious Godfrey, the daring of Tancred, and the skill of the wily Bohamond were not seconded by the courage of their trembling followers. The foot- soldiers concealed their cowardice by the pretence that they were unable to march without shoes. Peter the Hermit declared that he had vowed to proceed only as far as his sandals might carry him ; and they were no more. Walter the Pennyless (he, too, was bootless) appealed to the wear of his soles to excuse his pusillanimity ; and the army were scan- dalised by the report that Curthose himself was de- tained in his tent by feigned indigestion. * 60 THE GIRL OF SAINT MARY-AXE. "Yon chilly blast," she cried, with heart o'erfull $ But he replied, "No, blast me ifl wooll I" (13) 26. She heard and sighed in hopeless anguish deep, And never more at mellow eve or morn, With punctual pathos failed for hours to weep— She stood in tears like maiden all forlorn Who milked (fond wench) the cow with crumpled horn, And on her paling cheek, by woe bespent, Decay sat throned in divine blandishment* 27. At times, in sunset silence, she would sit And pick a rose to pieces, and, while lay The ruins on the floor, her pensive fit Would joy to mark its colours fade away ; M And thus," she cried, "will this here soul de- cay." (14) Then, bending her sweet form in mute distress. Would weep (ah me !) from very gentleness, 28. Anon, within her luminous kid shoes, Bright with her lover's blacking, she would see (Faithfully imaged) her wan countenance lose Its early lustre, and the innocent glee That once illumed her eye with sunshine, flee Like light, when (summer past) each despot cloud Coffins the long November in its shroud. THE GIRL OF SAINT MARY-AXE, 81 29. And if she chanced to walk, each heartless wall Brought back her lover's image to her mind ; For, chalked on church-yard, lane, and Hicks's Ha!l 3 44 Buy Warren's Blacking" whitened in the wind; Each newspaper evinced his gifted mind, And oft bis puffs, thick-set in dainty rhymes, Flamed (like Proven9al star-light) in the Times. 30. The Courier too, the Herald, and the Post, Bell's Weekly Messenger, the Real John Bull, Puffed his jet goods (four times a month at most) In poesy which the laurel wreath might pull From Tasso's or divine Boccacio's skull; And these fond Ruth would read, while gentle sighs Heaved her white breast, and tears bedimmed her eyes. 31. This must have end ; and like a dream she passed, Passed from the threshold of her native home : No mother mouru'd her loss when, downward cast, The dry dust rattled on her virgin tomb : Alone she lived, alone within the gloom Of death she slumbers, never more to rove, A martyred outcast, through the world of love. 32. She died at day- break, in her white chemise; At half-past^ two o'clock, (it might be three?) 62 THE GIRL OF SAINT MARY-AXE, The doctor came and found her on her knees, Warbling aloud a Hebrew melody ; She ceased on his approach-, and, with faint glee, Hymned a low tune, (sung partly through her nose,) And Warren's Blacking was the theme she chose. 33. She died, and lovely in her sleep she lay, As lies Apollo in his golden hour Of rest; no slow disease, no dull decay, With mildewy withering finger, passed her o'er; But swift and sudden as a summer flower, (Cut for some beautiful breast,) or mountain rill, Life's spirit ebbed — then lay for ever still. 34. Thus perished Israel's pride, but o'er her wavqs Spring's first-born daisy ; the lone bird is there, The bird who loves to mourn at eve o'er graves Where beauty sleeps, the gentle and the fair; And whispering as it goes, the tremulous air, With voice of girlish fondness, seems to cry, " Buv Warren's Blacking !" to each passer by. THE SABLE SCHOOL OF POETRY.* Bv B. M. We are desirous, my public, of talking with you on two subjects of infinite national importance, to wit, ourselves and Warren's Blacking, As our rheumatism (thanks to the Odontist) is somewhat abated, and we are now seated at Ambrose's, with a jug of hot toddy on one side of us, and our beloved O'Do- herty on the other (15), we intend to be exceedingly amiable, eloquent, and communicative. But by the bye, when were we ever otherwise ? Our disposit- ions, like our alimentary organs, are always gently open ; and though some pluckless flutterlings of Cock- aigne may wince at the occasional effervescence of our Tory bile, yet the majority of the civilised world will bear witness to our benevolent genius. And well, indeed, may they do so, for with our sweeping besom of reform we have stirred up a revolution not only in periodical literature, but in every depart- ment of science. Sir Humphrey Davy and Sir Tho- * We have just received a bale of Mr. Warren's poetical advertisements, which we shall take an early opportunity of noticing -~0> N. 64 THE SABLE SCHOOL OF POETRY. inas Lawrence owe their reputation especially to lis. We and Buonaparte were among the first to point out the talents of the one, and we introduced the other to the notice of his present Majesty. Standing then as we do upon the very pinnacle of popularity, and aware that every man of talent we encourage is immediately received at court, we are cautious in disseminating our patronage. But when such scientific characters as Pierce Egan, regius pro- fessor of pugilism, or Robert Warren, poet and manu- facturer, solicit our aid, we are nervously alive to their interests. The latter gentleman in particular we have long marked, as Doctor Johnson observed of Milton, "stealing his way in a sort of subterranean current through fear and silence," and we determin- ed to take the earliest opportunity of encouraging his virtuous perseverance. This intention we com- municated to him last year, but as month after month rolled on without a notice, he resolved to remind us of it in the following delicate manner. It seems that Mr. Blackwood is in the daily habit of opening his own shop windows, apd on going the other morning for that express purpose, he was astonished to see chalked up on the left-hand shutter, w Buy Warren's Blacking." Now could any hint, my public, be more modestly characteristic than this ? Not 6i Puff Warren's Blacking," or •• Write an article on War- ren's Blacking," but simply and negatively, "Buy Warren's Blacking;" thus connecting us in exhorta- tion with the uninterested majority of his patrons. And this delicate remembrancer is a Cockney ! One THE SABLE SCHOOL OF POETRY. 6& who makes use of his grandmother's shin-bone for s switch, bedecks himself in yellow breeches, and dis- penses with the luxury of a cravat. But no, we beg his pardon, Robert Warren is no Cockney ; he is of the land of William Wallace and Christopher North ; and for any man to assert that he is not, is about as ridiculous as to assert that Doctor Parr performed Harlequin in the late pantomime. In directing, then, the attention of the universe to Mr. Warren, we arc anxious that it should consider him not merely as a manufacturer of blacking, but as the founder of a new school of verse, an opinion which we boldly rest on the ground of his poetical advertisements. With the exception of ourselves, and a ^ew of the Lake writers, he is the most accom- plished versifier of his day. Byron may, perhaps, be more gloomily magnificent, but Warren has a purer invention, full even to overflowing, of those fanciful humanities which shed a sweet and holy charm over the poetry of Wordsworth and Wilson. In opening a subject, he steps into it as he would into his shoes, with the familiarity of an acquaintance ; and whatever character of feeling he may describe, whether it be a cock mistaking a pair of boots for a looking glass, or a gentleman adrasing his beard by the same sort of luminous dumb-waiter, till you feel that the mighty minstrel draws his every charm from the intense sensibility of self. But it is in delineat- ing the sober feelings of humanity, that Mr. War- ren is more immediately successful ; he is the Words- worth of commerce, and revolts from scenes of hor- 66 THE SABLE SCHOOL OF POETRY. ror to dwell with affectionate interest on subjects of familiar nature. In this respect he resembles the Lake writers ; but as their characters and descrip- tions are all drawn from the country, while those of Warren are confined in their localities to the Strand, and in their incidents to commerce, a sufficient dif- ference exists to warrant us in holding him out as the founder of a new school, In the poetry of things in general, his genius is equally felicitious. Even a pair of boots become in his eye creatures of loveliness and life, iike the con- secrated white doe of Rylstone. Thus, too, in walk- ing the Strand, if he comes in sudden contact with a gutter, he does not vulgarly avoid it for its capacity of bespattering his pantaloons, but connects it with the streams of his native land, where the rivers glide •• at their own sweet will," unless, like the Caledo- nian canal, they are taught to glide at the ** will" of others. On the same ideal principle a sow is not to him a mere guttling porker ; it is either the " savage of the wild," or the " sovereign of the stye." In the latter case he associates it in thought with ima- ges of royal magnificence. Its bristles are the scep- tres of its majesty, its grunt the thunders of its voice, and even its salt bacon recalls the attic salt of the philosophic Verulam. This is the true secret of imagination, of that " di- vine faculty," which enables its owner to see deeper into things in general than the less gifted majority of mankind ; to discover philosophy in a pedlar, poetry in a travelling tinker, and in the intestines of the THE SABLE SCHOOL OF POETRY, 67 buttercup, " thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears." In a word, this is the sole secret of genius, and hence it follows that many of our most imagina- tive but neglected authors have been enabled by its exercise to detect a bailiff in every stranger that ac- costs them. The only fault we have to find with Mr. Warren consists in his excessive egotism. Though his genius, like some coy maid, loves to wander among scenes of congenial gentleness, amid the groves of Lisson, and the umbrageous walls of Kensington and London, yet he would have his walls inscribed with exhortations to J Piccadilly; some of them with no eye at all, except to their own interest. Mr. Pope enacted the ghost of Banquo in Macbeth : he made a very spirited and lively apparition. Valentine's day ; postmen op- pressed with a weight of delicate embarrassments, and shops pleasantly replete with bleeding hearts, and Cupids in buckskin breeches, Lord v. Lady Portsmouth at the Court of Chancery ; his Lordship convicted of black jobs and bell-ringings; Mr. Bell rung the changes in his (the Plaintiff's) favour; ex- penses of the whole suit only 30,0002. Pioneers, an American novel, published by Murray ; exceedingly interesting to those who can comprehend it. Lord Clanmorris failed in his attempts to become a fash- ionable Corinthian — "Non cuivis homini contingit adire Corinthum." Warren's Blacking much circu- lated in Scotland. March. — London rapidly improving in the number of its fashionable arrivals. Mr. Bochsa highly at- tractive as usual in the oratorios at Drury-Iane. Symptoms of modesty in Blackwood's Magazine ; ut- terly disbelieved by Mr, Hazlitt. Only one novel from the author of Waverley. A Scotch apothecary in Street invited a friend to dinner and sate him down to a bottle of castor-oil ; observing, by way of consolation, that the welcome was every thing. Sheridan's comedy of the School for Scandal revived at Drury Lane; the part of Charles Surface exqui- sitely performed by Mr. Elliston, in every respect but that of resemblance to the character. 4t Buy 94 AN.NUS M1RAB1LIS. Warren's Blacking" discovered written up on the ruins of the Coliseum, a picturesque proof of its popularity. ApriL— All Fools' day. (26)— Mrs. Siddons did an abridgment of Paradise Lost, and left out the character of Satan, to prove her abhorrence of Mr. Southey's " Satanic School. " The Lord Chancellor came to a decision. John Bull Newspaper accused Lord Holland of being a Zephyr. A shipload of Peverils of the Peak landed at the Custom House. An Irish bog took a fancy to see the world, and eloped from the country where it was born and edu- cated ; Mr. Martin's estates went with it. Exhibi- tion of water colors opened with some splendid mas- terpieces by Glover. Heliacal rising of Thomas Moore and his three angels, but being somewhat de- fective in point of wings, they shared the fate of Ica- rus, and dropped into the waters of oblivion. " Buy Warren's Blacking" chalked up on every wall of the metropolis. May.-~ High season of fashion at the west end. Exhibition at Somerset House, much discussed to the imminent neglect of the weather. Marriage Act universally deprecated, in consequence of the gene- rality of females being averse to see their weakness made manifest on the church doors. Haydon put forth his picture of the Raising of Lazarus, but found it more difficult to raise the wind than to raise the dead; scanty show of visitors, though the artist is of ANNUS MIRABILIS. 95 first-rate celebrity, and wears no cravat. (27) Grand fight for the championship of England between Spring and IVeate. Meeting at the Free- Mason's tavern in favor of the Spaniards and consequent altercation between Messieurs Hunt and Rowcroft. A masque- rade at the Opera House, where a nobleman, in mak- ing love to a masked lady, kissed his own wife by mistake; he has been a sincere penitent ever since. Discovery of a witch in Devonshire. Almack's and Warren's Blacking in their zenith of fashionable no- toriety. June. — Elegant display of female equestrians in the Park. Mrs Coutts still a widow. Subscription in behalf of the Spaniards, towards which one patriot contributed a pair of old shoes. Treadmill and Mr, Scarlett in equal practice. New number of The Liberal made its appearance in the literary horizon, but proved to be a star shorn of its beams : " How are the mighty fallen !" Horrible effects of glutto- ny— a hog belonging to Mr. Bath, of Reading school, being overcome by hunger walked into the school- room, and deliberately devoured the writing-master. A shipload of Warren's Blacking sailed for Kingston, Jamaica, by order of the governor. July. — Mrs. Olivia Serres, soi-disant princess of Cumberland, accused by Mr. Peel in the House of Commons of having a brown spot under her fifth rib. Three new cantos of Don Juan published, and pro- scribed according to law. Symptoms of desertion at 9 * 96 ANNUS MXRABILIS. the west end. Sir Robert Wilson wounded at Co- runna, and Prince Hilt threatened with an explosion. A farmer at Egham accused our gracious Sovereign of being an "old chap-" Stocks fell Ij per cent, in consequence. Prince Hohenlohe commenced a se- ries of miracles for the season ; began his entertain- ments by causing a dumb Irishwoman to speak, but forgot the most miraculous part, to make her hold her tongue again. Reverend Edward Irving at- tempted an imitation of the famous apostrophe of Demosthenes (28) to the shades of the Marathon! an dead - he made a very Scotch Demosthenes. Orders received at the India House for a supply of Warren's blacking : intelligence reached No. 30. Strand, by a special messenger from the court of directors. August. — Saint Swithin rehearsing daily for the winter ; much improved in his performances, but too persevering in the display. Three new cantos of Don Juan appeared, — obliged to Hunt for a publisher. Melancholy solitude in the neighbourhood of Port- man Square. •• Desolate is the dwelling of Moina." A good thing discovered in the Gentleman's Maga- zine. Not more than twenty pairs of boots on a daily average heard clattering up Bond Street. Novel of Frankenstein diabolized at the English Opera House. A cockney met Lord Byron at Ge- noa, and having heard that he was a complete devil, was astonished to find him only a man Re- turns for Warren's blacking during the last month, twelve hundred pounds, exclusive of foreign agen- cies. ANNUS MIKABILISc 97 September.— Shooting season commenced : three old gentlemen had their wigs shot off by a party of cockney sportsmen, while smoking in their wigwams at Hornsey Wood tavern : an old lady who was pas- sing in the neighbourhood, just bobbed in time to save the penultima of her nose, Astonishing abund- ance of plums, and other stone fruit ; hence Horace has not inaptly termed this season " Plumbeus Auc- tumnus," Romeo Coates, esquire, personated the character of Benedict, at Saint George's church, to the life : after the comedy, he set off with his fair heroine for Portsmouth, where the happy couple are engaged to perform the "honey moon" for a limited number of nights. Vauxhal! gardens closed for the season with only 80,000 additional lamps — ovSiv zh*{*7re. Warren's blacking and consols still looking up. October. — The Fonthiil fever eradicated, in conse- quence of its fashionable victims being inoculated instead with the Hatton Garden influenza. The fol- lowing advertisement made its appearance in the Englishman: "Mr, Smallwood's academy for young gentlemen, Laurence Lane, Exeter ; price of tuition 2dper week: them as larns manners pays 2d. more." King of Spain restored to his throne, (29) proscribed one half of his subjects, and arrested the other : high- ly complimented on his disinterested impartiality. Heraldic discovery: — a special messenger arrived from Paris with intelligence that Warren was proved to be the grandson of Rousseau, by Madame de War- venne. This goes a great way to account for the 98 ANNUS MIRABILIS. sentimental beauty of his rhythmical advertisements, which, as well as his blacking, are, at present, in great vogue among the Parisian dilletanti. November. — Three square yards of blue sky dis- covered within a mile of Eastcheap. The crowd was incalculable. Private theatricals projected at Devonshire house for the ensuing spring ; among the numerous histrionic performers. Lord G — — e, it is said, has kindly condescended to perform Bottom in the Midsummer Night's Dream; while the Duke of B— volunteers the character of Ariel in the Tem- pest. A fine day. Eight hundred suits of old clothes exported from Monmouth Street as court dresses for the German princes. Apothecaries' boys discovered flying about the city in busy anticipation of the Lord Mayor's dinner. Autumnal sky said to be unusually beautiful : very true, if one could but see it. Offi- cial dispatches received at Warreu's warehouse for a supply of blacking for the use of the United States. December. — Taylors' bills of the youug London swells drawing to a precipitate close, somewhere about the fourth page of the largest sized foolscap paper. No assassination of private character in the John Bull. A true statement discovered in Cobbett's Register. (30) The Bond Street loungers in a state of awful suspence respecting the shape of the next spring coat. A young lady shot her lover, as he stood in a sentimental attitude behind the counter of ANNUS MIRABILIS. 9$ a grocer's shop in the Borough : she is reported to have done it for the purpose of proving that love can take as sure aim with a pistol as with a bow and arrow, Warren closed his accounts for the year with a prodigious balance in his favour. Grand fete given on the occasion at No. 30, Strand, where the guests continued till a late hour, toasting (as the rest of the world is here invited to do,) " Success to Warren's Blacking," WARREN AT SAINT STEPHEN'S. Br THE R. OF THE T- _ 1st of Aril, 1823. The gallery doors were opened at twelve. The rush was prodigious, and the house more crowded than on any night since Mr. Burke's celebrated motion on Economical Reform, The Speaker took the chair at the usual hour. After the routine business was disposed of, the hour for commencing public matters arrived, and be then called on Mr. F) — -c. That gentleman arose, and spoke as follows, attention Ito'diqg the rest of the members mute, as of old it did whi»n rbe called by Dr. Johnson 4t the first Whig," addressed certain Stygian council. "Mr. Speaker, B ?n's countenance displayed an air of the most touching resignation, and formed a striking contrast to the brazen beauties of Mr. C — — r. Even the Speaker appeared to have caught the general infection, till starting up with an air of profound attention, he exclaimed. M Is this motion seconded ?" upon which Mr, B m rose and addressed the house. The following is a tolerably correct report of his speech, although candour compels us to assert that he was occasional- ly inaudible in the galleries.) In seconding the motion which my hon. friend has this night thought proper to bring forward, I cannot deny myself the pleasure of doing justice to his pub- lic services in the cause of retrenchment and reform. On the present occasion, these services have been truly unprecedented, and he has laid before us such atrocious proofs of profligacy, — of a profligacy une- qualled in the corruptest ages of the world, when the world itself was sunk in the very lowest abyss of all possible corruption, the corruption of the Roman Ne- ro, {hear, hear, from Mr. D n), that the human mind literally shudders to detail them. In this dis- tressing predicament, I shall once more offer an ap- peal to the common sense of the house, well aware that though, by so doing, I appeal to an alarming mi- nority, I still speak the indignant language of a prostituted, insulted, and inconceivably impoverished nation. ^Loud cheers from the Opposition.) WARREN AT SAINT STEPHEN'S 107 My lion, friend has contented himself by question- ing the propriety of this singular and superlative extravagance ; but I shall descend to more minute particulars, by showing its positive and pernicious consequences. It is a well accredited fact, sir, that Warren's blacking possesses the lucid properties of a mirrer, and when rightly applied to leather, lends it an inexpressible polish. Now supposing that our Horse Guards have already made this discovery, — a discovery as palpable as the characteristic activity of our chancellor, — is it not highly probable that, from motives of economy, they will forthwith dispense with mirrors ? And if this omission is to take place in four full regiments of Guards alone, — to say no- thing of the band, as my hon, friend observed* and a more accomplished band of brigands never yet dis- turbed the patience of an insulted nation, a patience equalled only by the identical animal that chews the thistle ; — if, I repeat, this diabolical omission is to take place, is it not as notorious as the corruption of parliament, — (and what can be more notoriously cor- rupt ?) — that the glass manufacturers must be ruin- ed? We all know the contemptible caprice of that senseless idol, fashion ; and I make no doubt, that if Warren's blacking be encouraged among these Prae- torian guards to its present extent, — an extent de- structive alike to the country and the crown, to the country from its precedent, and to the crown from its absurdity, — we shall see mirrors universally discard- ed. Let me intreat this house then to reflect, so- lemnly reflect, ere it sanction such notable injustice, JSvery manufacturer, be he who or what he may, 10* 108 WARREN AT SAINT STEPHEN^. merits equally the encouragement of Parliament ; but why sacrifice hundreds to the interests of one in- dividual ? Did the house, let me ask, ever see the individual for whose gains it is thus shamefully soli- citous ? [32) If they did, they will not easily forget him, for a more horrible and hoary wretch exists not on the face of the earth. The never-to-be forgotten expression of that eye— that nose— that mouth,— the muddy channels of those cheeks,— channels to which Fleet ditch were a river of paradise, and a horse pond a fountain of the Nile,— all— all betoken the pander to public prodigality. Yet this is the man,— this the Eblis, — this the Juggernaut of commerce, un- der whose overwhelming influence its very life-blood must be crushed out. Ob ! let it not be said that the corrupt partialities which taint our political constitution could, even iu this humble instance, so effectually blight its character as to sink it in eter- nal condemnation at the tribunal of after ages. (The anfui solemnity of this address drew thunders of ap- plause from all parts cf the house.) But despite the opposition of government, — op- posed as it is from some curious obliquity of princi- ple, that is to say, if extravagance can be called prin- ciple, to every motion that savours of reform — de- spite, I say, this most brazenfaced opposition, I am not without hopes that one at least of my bon. friend's resolutions may succeed. In the highest quarter, whence all gentility derives its origin, an amiable predilection has lately been evinced in fa- Tour of tight shoes. This predilection, influenced no WARREN AT SAINT STEPHEN^. 109 doubt by motives of patriotic economy, is evidently intended for imitation, and I move, in consequence, that our soldiery be compelled to follow the discreet example, with an assurance to the house— if the house yet feel an interest in the prosperity of the kingdom— that at the end of the year there will be a truly astonishing reduction. I do not address my- self to Lord Liverpool on the subject, because I con- sider him a staunch member of the opposition ; and still less do I apply to the honourable secretary for foreign affairs, when I reflect that in every— -even the most triOing instance of his diplomacy, — he has exhibited more monstrous specimens of incredible truckling than the whole history of Parliamentary tergiversation — fruitful as it is in such obliquities- can parallel. Mr. C — g.— That's a lie. {Here the confusion and cries of " order, order" became general; Mr. B m rose to depart, and the whole business seemed likely to have a hostile termination. Anxious, however, to restore harmo- ny, the member for Corfe Castle modestly proposed, that the disputants should cool themselves by perus- ing each two chapters of his "Constitutional Histo- ry of Rome." A punishment so heavily dispropor- tioned to the offence alarmed the compassionate jus- tice of the whole house; and Sir J. M — — -h, in tones of the kindest sympathy, was heard to whis- per something about the Criminal Code and the Law 110 WARREN AT SAINT STEPHEN'S. of Nations. An awful pause ensued, during which Mr. W e slipped behind Mr. B m, and thrust into his hand the <• Whole Duty of Man" while Mr. B—tt — h presented Mr. C g with " Baxter's Call to' the Unconverted. 91 Order being at length restored by an indirect apology from Mr. C- — -g, and a few words respecting the rules of the house melodiously expounded by Mr. W w, and enforced with equal beauty of intonation by his bro- ther, Sir W. W. W n f Mr. B— — m thus pro- ceeded:) The more deeply I reflect on the notable proceed- ings of our all-accomplished ministry, the morel feel impressed with the necessity of severest retrench- ment. Had Mr. Burke been still alive, he would have agreed with me, I am persuaded, in opinion, and by way of commencement would have pulled off the jack boots of our Horse Guards — with or without boot jacks , as it may have suited the emergency of the case, — if indeed, any case was ever before re- duced to so deplorable an emergency, an emergency proceeding from the superlative follies of govern- ment, of a government notorious for every species of gratuitous infamy — Mr. Burke, I repeat (33), would have commenced his labours by abridging, in the first place, the above-mentioned extravagance of our Guards; secondly, by applying his cautery to the diseased members of our city institutions — provided at least, that precious body corporate be not already too far advanced in the lowest stages of political pu- WARREN AT SAINT STEPHEN^. Ill f refaction ;— and, thirdly, by a radical overthrow of that carnivorous band of corpulence and voracity, the beefeaters, (a groan from Sir W— C — s), who under the present delectable regime are kept* like hyaenas at Brookes's, to eat up the garbage of go- vernment. To the members of this house then, in- dividually and collectively, I address myself, ear- nestly hoping that they will commence a similar task of retrenchment—- if indeed retrenchment be not yet too late, too late, I mean, in allusion to the time that has elapsed since it was first found to be necessary, necessary, I would observe both to the two houses of parliament and the nation in general, general, I would add, in the most extended meaning of the term— and I here pour forth my fervent sup- plications at the throne of mercy (Hear, hear, from Messrs. W e and B — it — h) that the strong arm of government may be palsied, and its late intole- rant acts — acts fit only for a Ferdinand or a fiend —be forcibly crammed down the aesophagus of the bungling artisans who framed them. (Mr. B m concluded his speech amid loud cheers from all parts of the house, during which the Speaker retired. On his return, Mr. C -g rose, and addressed the house as follows :) As the lateness of the hour prevents me from en- tering into any specific detail on the subject of this night's debate, I shall make but a temporary tres- pass on the indulgent attention of the House, The !]2 WARREN AT SAINT STEPHEN^, topic in fact requires no support from the flimsy ful- crum of adventitious argument, for, like the sacred edifice that was erected on the rock, (Hear, hear, from Messrs. W e and B — it — h) it rests upon the adamantine basis of strict political expediency. Every plan, however, is more or less the victim of insidious misconstruction, and as the watchful mem- ber for Aberdeen has cackled his apprehensions to the nation, it may be expected that I should enume- rate my reasons for refusing to acquiesce in the jus- tice of his anserine alarum. In the first place, Sir 9 I have held repeated consultations with the law offi- cers on the subject, [Here Mr. H — b — e snapped his fingers contemptuously) and though the hon. member for Westminster, with wit at his fingers ends, (a laugh) expends it on my Egerian advisers, yet I can assure him that the judgment of a solicitor-general is in no respect deserving of the contumely which his Furor Digitalis would irapiy. He (the solicitor- general) informs me. that any reduction in the ex- penditure of Warren's Blacking, or any abridgement in the perpendicular altitude of the jack boots, would involve our colossal dominions in the inextricable horrors oi : anarchy, rebellion, and revolution. (Hear, hear, from the country members.) That if the ar- my, for instance, ever insisted on the wear of a clean shirt but once during the vicissitudes of a month, they would justify the innovation on good manners by the penurious precedent of Warren's Blacking. That if by any caprice inherent in the peccant na- ture of mortality, they were desirous to curtail the WARREN AT SAINT STEPHEN^. 113 luxuriant abundance of their coat flaps, or dispensing with the etiquette of breeches, permit them to be worn solely by their wives, (o laugh) they would plead in excuse the corresponding abridgement of the jack boots. Now, Sir, although in days of yore, when the gathering gloom of his couutry's fortunes adumbrated the Athenian lustre of bis politeness, it might be pardonable in the Greek warrior Isadas to rush unattired to battle, jet we must all allow that a regiment of such denuded patriots would be an ob- ject more notorious for the quaintness of its effect than the propriety of its institution. Ah ! Corydon, Corydon, quaa te dementia cepit? In discussing the enormous expenditure attendant, as he assures us, on Warren's Blacking, the hon. member for Winchelsea has compelled its most de- cided recommendation to assume the unfavourable aspect of a defect. Like the scorpion of suicidal notoriety, he has committed murder on his cause by the destructive infelicity of his argument. He has objected to it on the score of its lucid and reflective capabilities, and informed us, with a pathos peculiar to himself, that it has encroached on the province of a mirror, to the detriment of glass manufacturers. Waviug every topic of private grievance, which, however important to individuals, is yet of insuffi- cient weight to attract the attention of legislature, I am prepared to prove, that by thus emulating the properties of glass, it has withdrawn from the shoiri- 114 WARREN AT SALNT STEPHEN^ ders of the nation an exhausting Atlas of expence. According to the military regulations, as laid down in the stat. Geo. III. cap. 12. every barrack is plac- ed under the superintending providence of a master, who is directed to supply it with furniture, in which mirrors are especially included, at the cost of the British nation. That arrangement, I am happy to inform the house, has now gone to the sepulchral abode of all the Capulets, for jack boots, anointed with the refreshing dew of Warren's Blacking, are found to answer every purpose of a suitable and suc- cessful equivalent. In order to corroborate my statement, I have the authority of Colonel W , of the Guards, who informed me but yesterday, that for three uninterrupted weeks he had mown the ad- hesive thistles of his chin through the enlightened medium of his jack boots, and that the whole mess had put on their black stocks and stays by the same luminous assistance. (Loud cheers.) The process of my speech has now brought me to that particular branch of the hon. mover's philippic, in which he proposes that, for the purpose of facili- tating business, the boots of the Horse Guards should be polished by the intervention of steam. And here I beg it to be observed, that, as I am a partisan of qualified innovation, I will cheerfully add my vote to the resolution, with the proviso that its boasted ad- vantages be previously positively and practically established. But why does the hon. member for Aberdeen restrict the terms of his proposition to the 115 individual article of jack boots ? If the operation of steam be so speedy as he would seem to insinuate, in the name of heaven (Hear, hear, from Messrs. W e and B—ti—h) let him apply its energies to his own eternal orations, and I will answer, that, provided it accelerates their utterance, it will be carried by a triumphant majority, {Loud laughter.) I do not however wish to damp his amiable enthu- siasm ; far from it, sir, I applaud it to the very echo, but strenuously exhort him to confine his specula- tions to himself, instead of attempting, by the chao- tic confusion of his logic, to transform the Metropoli- tan barracks into museums of animal curiosities. In the course of his professional career, the hon. mover may probably recollect the well-known theory of the transfusion of blood from one body to another by- means of a pipe or quill, or some such circulating medium. Upon this principle, the fluid of a for transfused into the veins of a goose or a common council man would endow them with its vulpine ac- complishments, and I have heard that a late member of opposition, being vaccinated with the blood of one of the *' long-eared brethren," brayed an eloquent oration to the astonishment of both bouses of Parlia- ment. (A laugh%\ Now, sir, however apocryphal it may appear, I can scarcely refrain from hazarding my conjecture, that the hon. mover has been inoculated with the blood of a beaver, (loud laughter) and that this very transfusion has inspired him with a corre- sponding mania for constructing architectural so- phisms. He has this evening in particular erected a U 116 WARREN AT SAINT STEPHEN'S, Pons asinorum (a laugh) for the use of the opposi- tion, over which he anticipates a free passage to the Treasury Bench. But let me assure htm, that the piles of argument on which he has erected his bridge, have an imbecile foundation in the sand, and when the rains come and the floods descend, [Hear, hear* from Messrs. W e and B—tt—h,) Shall melt into air, into thin air, And, like the baseless fabric of a vision. Leave not a wreck behind, I shall detain the house no longer than to return my thanks for the indulgence with which I have been honoured, and to request its unanimous support in outvoting the resolutions of the hon. member for Aberdeen, convinced as I am, that, although " Fun- di t humus flores," (a laugh) although he pour forth the blossoms of his logic with more than ordinary profusion, yet it is the deadly blossom of the upas which festers in the brain of the unguarded novice who ventures within its pestilential circumference. Even now, its envenomed ardour impregnates the at- mosphere around us, and we should be worse than traitors to our country and our king were we to pause in the hour of our peril. As a national bles- sing, Warren's Blacking is entitled to our gratitude, and as the scientific Archimedes of England, its ma» nufacturer enforces our veneration. In the name of justice, then, be he loved, in the name of genius ho- noured, and in the name of Britain reverenced! WARREN AT SAINT STEPHEN'S. 117 Long be his illustrious patronymic the symbol of vir- tue and of art; and while from clime to clime, from the aestive regions of the Eastern Ind to the hyber- nal hemisphere of either Pole, the nations of the earth uplift their voices in his praise, let England «cho back the strain, till one wide acclamatory cho- rus rings, a millenial trumpet, through the world. i {Loud cheering from all parts of the house, followed the conclusion of the hon. Secretary's speech, after which Sir W—m C s rose, and addressed the house to the following effect :) I can't for the life of me help saying a small mat- ter upon the subject of this night's debate, but at the same time as I arn't over nice in point of tongue, I shall say it as speedy and as soon as possible. Fine words butter no parsnips, and if so be I'm a bit be- hind hand in flummery, 1 will at least make up for it in common sense. What boots it, as the shoemaker said, how we talk, if we talk to the point ? For my part, I stand only on facts, and quite blush for the hon. members of opposition, when, not content with cutting up the jack boots of the Horse Guards, they bother us about the expenses of blacking them. Now, the long and short of the business is, that War- ren's Blacking is dirt-cheap, for it not only saves scores of pounds in the matter of they mirrors, but stirs up other manufacturers besides. For instance now, the success of Robert Warren has lately brought forward another one, who goes and poaches. 118 WARREN AT SAINT STEPHEN^. as it were, in the same Warren, and then comes and takes a house under the very nose of his rival. {Loud laughter.) And what, you'll ask, is the consequence of such opposition ? Why, that by this here Warren trying to outdo that there Warren, both W T arrens are obliged to mind their P's and Q's ; which we all know they need not do, if so be that there was never no opposition. Opposition, sir, except in Parlia- ment, is the very life of trade, and is just as neces- sary as marriage {A "pensive smile from Mr. C -e of Norfolk) to propagate business. I intreat the house then to do away with the resolutions of the hon. member for Aberdeen. The country is in a na- tion flourishing state, for our Aldermen were never so fat as now, and in my last voyage to Ramsgate, l was pleased to see as how the Corporation of the dif- ferent towns where I stopped to lay in provisions, seemed some pounds fatter than the year before. But independent of all this, iet the bouse look at the charming appearance of things in general- Lei them only look at the swinging stock of turtles as is daily sold- and see the high price as venison fetches. Not but what I can bring a thousand other proofs of our increasing trade, besides the mere matter of eating ; only as I feel myself more at home in that ere line of argument, I feel more justified in using it. (Laughter from all sides of the house.) By the bye 9 this reminds me of the hon, member for Winchel- sea's proposal to dish the city feasts. My God, what an idea! Do away with the city feasts, and you does away with government, for the constitution of WARREN AT SAINT STEPHEN'S. 119 England requires every bit as much nourishment as the constitution of Aldermen. For my part, Sir, I have only to pray (Hear, hear, from Messrs. W e and B—tt—h) that I may never live to see that ere awful hour when turtle-soup shall cease to be the crack dish at Guildhall. [The touching emphasis with which the hon. Baronet delivered this sentence, drew tears from the eyes of many 133 Majority against it t 121 The other Orders of the Day were then disposed of md the house adjourned at 2 o'Clock*} THE BATTLE OF BRENTFORD GREEN, A POEM IN TWO CANTOS. Br Sir W— S— . A few years since, in the autumn of 1818, a serious affray took place between those illustrious rivals, Warren, and Day and Martin, (34) on the subject of their respective pre-emi- nence. The parties, as I learn from the black-letter record of the fray, met at Brentford, and after «• a well-foughten field," victory was decided in favour of the former chieftain. In the present commemoration of that chivalrous event, I have taken the liberty of adding a few particulars and persons, for the pur- pose of elevating my subject, a principle which induced me to raise a fictitious superstructure on the historical ground- work of Marinion. With respect to localities, it may be proper to ob- eerve, that the scene of Canto I. is laid in the refectory, or banquet-hall of Number 30, Strand ; while the operations of the Second are carried on in the vicinity of Brentford. The time of action employed in each Canto occupies one day. CANTO FIRST. Pie Wxtmil. 1, Day set on Regent Street, Pall Mall, Bathed Westminster's emblazoned hall In one wide ruddy glow ; 122 THE BATTLE OF BRENTFORD GREEN. Lit up the brazen Hand-in-Hand Fire-office, eastward of the Strand, And gilt Saint George's Row; The Warren's sign boot e'rst so gay, Slow darkled as the darkling day, Less wide and less was flung ; Each weary gale its task gave o'er, And failed to wave it o'er the door, So heavily it hung, Suspended in sepulchral state, As knave from Newgate's donjon grate, 2. Within his hall the Warren stood, In raiment trim bedight, Arranging in reflective mood, The wassail of the night • Meantime his friends yspeed them down From each far quarter of the town, Those sister ditches, Houns and Shore, Rival Saint Giles in choicest store Of guests, a motley band, And Buuhill Fields, and Rotten Row, The Hills of Saffron and of Snow, From Newgate Street, to church of Bow, Join issue in the Strand. Smiles the grey eve, an infant yet, On many a squad complete, Of gig, cart, coach, and cabriolet, Loud thundering down the street ; Starts the pedestrian with surprise, THE BATTLE OF BRENTFORD GREEN'* 123 Condemns the tar his hapless eyes, While on the passing pageant hies To where the Warren's name, * Dim shadowed 'neath the twilight pale. Appears (strange paradox) to veil Its brazen charms for shame. — The band approached its Strand abode ; The street door slogan clattered loud, And many a beauteous border maid, (35) Stole cautious peep from palisade, As one by one each guest drew nigh The Warren's rich refectory. 3. Eight and thirty stalwart wights Sate within his banquet hall, Eight and thirty flickering lights Streamed around each chequered wall ; Flaunted their rays on spangled can, Like cannon flash on Barbican, Or Dian in her summer mood ; And bathed in rich effulgent flood, Sofa, settee, and wickered chair, Till bursting forth in radiance rare, Henchman and host, and wassail wight, Shone beautiful beneath the light, * Mr. Robert Warren's name and address, carved in brass letters on the proud front ofjhis abode, exhibits a remarkable feature in the alphabetical beauties of the Strand* 124 THE BATTLE OF BRENTFORD GREEN. 4. 'Tis fit that I should tell you what These gentles had to eat. How ale went round, and how, God wot, The tables groaned with meat. Suffice to say, that trim sirloin Of bullock proud in death to join, WithTaddish of the horse; Flanked by a soup's embossed tureen, And eke by cauliflower of mien, Winsome and white as e'er was seen From Hounslow Heath to Turnham Green, Adorned the firstling course ; While ale in mantling goblets glowed, And furnished frolic as it flowed. 5. "Nov? tune me a stave," quoth Robert Warren, To an elder at his side, And stoutly as he gave the call, Each guest the wassail plied ; Uprose that elder at the call, A tuneful wight was he, As ever startled London Wall With vigorous harmonie ; He sang how he of Eld had been On pilgrimage to Richmond Green, How Highgate tunnel he had seen, And trod the Brixton Mill ; Had roamed o'er Windsor's castle steep, Saint George's tower, and Donjon keep, THE BATTLE OF BRENTFORD GREEtf. 125 Had paced the walls that round it sweep, And rolled down Greenwich bill. 6. The whiles he sang, with needless din, A stalworth stranger clatter'd in, Right valiant was his tread ; No time for summons or for call, For stark he stood amid them all, Like warlock from the dead. He looked disturbed and pale as death, But this mote be from want of breath ; He looked as scant as Ettrick witches, (36) But this mote be from want of breeches : Thoughtful he stood, and while a shout Rung through the hall of '* Turn him out," With scorn he eyed each clamorous guest, And fearless, thus the host addressed : " What, ho, sir Knight, attend thy doom* For terrible in wrath I come, To tell thee here within thine home, That though by advertising, Hast dulled the Day and Martin's fame, Descried their worth, assailed their name^ And puffed, — I say it to thy shame, — With impudence surprising. Thus quoth each angered chieftain then, Go, beard the robber in his den, Joe Higgins, (meaning me.) 12£> THE BATTLE OF BEENTFORD GREEK- And challenge him to feudal fight, On Monday morn, all in the sight Of Brentford's chivalrie." 8. On Warren's cheek the flush of rage, O'ercame the look of wisdom sage ; Fierce he broke forth, "And dar'st thou then To brave the lion in his den, The Warren in his hall ? And hop'st thou hence unthreshed to go? No, by Saint George of England, no ! Up, gemmen, up, what, shop-boy, ho I Let the street-door bar fall." Too late it fell, for Higgins flew, Like goblin elf, the passage through ; While thus with changing cheek and eye, #The Warren closed his grim reply, " Back, craven, to your chieftains hie, Ill-favoured wights, and say that I, I, Robert of the sable hand, And lord of Number Thirty, Strand, Obey their summons to the fight, And will on Monday morn, despite Their mercenary mob, Like cataract on their squadrons rush, With banner, broom, and blacking brush ; 1 will, so help me Bob !" THE BATTLE OF BRENTFORD GREEN, 127 9. He ceased, and light as summer vapour, . The Higgins vanished in a caper, Then hied him on his way, And at thy ba s, High Holborn, told The bluff reply of Warren bold, To Martin and to Day. — Meanwhiles the guests sat quaffing, till Saint Paul's, far over Ludgate hill, Knelled forth the deep midnight. But when again its lengthening sound, The wide metropolis around, From Hampstead to Saint Giles's pound? Thence to Bayswater burying-ground, Struck the first hour of light, They parted, each with wine ymanned ? And silence brooded o'er the Strand, CANTO SECOND. STfte Gmtitat* 1. J Tis merry — 'tis merry on Brentford Green, When the holiday folk are singing, When the lasses flaunt with lightsome mien. And the Brentford bells are ringing ; Well armed in stern unyielding mood, High o'er that green the Warren stood ; A burly man was he, 12 128 THE BATTLE OF BRENTFORD GREEN. Girt round the waist with kerchief blue, And clad in waistcoat dark of hue, And thick buff jerkin gay to view, And breeches of the knee : Beside him stood his trusty band, With hat on head, and club in hand, Loud shouting to the fight ; 'Till answering shrill, street, alley, lane, O'er hill and heather, wood and plain, Sent forth the deepened sounds again, With voice of giant might. 2. Charge, Warren, charge ! yon battle Green, Glitters afar with silvery sheen, The lightning of the storm ; Where bands of braggarts bluff in mien, With ragged Irishmen are seen, Dreadful and drunken all, i ween, A phalanx fierce to form : Saint George ! It was a gallant sight, To ken beneath the morning light, The shifting lines sweep by ; In mailed and measured pace they sped, The earth gave back their hollow tread, 'Till you mote think the enamelled dead Were howling to the sky. ** Hark, rolls the thunder of the drum, The foe advance — they come, they come ! Lay on them," quoth the Day ; THE BATTLE OF BRENTFORD GREEN. J £9 "God for the right ! on Brentford Heath, Our bugle's stern and stormy breath, Summons to victory or to death ; Hurrah then, for the fray !" 3. Hurrah, hurrah ! from rear to flank. In vengeance rung along each rank ; And the red banners (formed by hap Of two old shirts stiched flap to flap,) (37) Waved lordlier at the cry ; 'Till every proud and painted scrap. Shivered like plume in 'prentice cap> Or cloud in winter sky. The Warren first this squad espied. Ranged man to man in ruffian pride, And to each warrior at his side In vaunting phrase began., * c Rush on, ye ragamuffins, rush,- All Brentford to a blacking brush* My fpeman leads the van.'* 4. On rushed each lozel to the fight, Ruthless as flood from mountain height* The bludgeons clattered fierce and fast, And dealt destruction as they past, While high as some tall vessel's mast, Warren o'erlooked the shock ; Thence bore him back with might and mam ; Brickbats and bludgeons fell like rain, 130 .THE BATTLE OF BRENTFORD GREE.V. Stones, sticks, and stumps, all, all in vain, He stemmed them like a rock : His foeman chief with wary eye, The flickering of the fight could spy, And shouted as his bands he led, To Pat O'Thwackum at their head, (38) "Tbwackum, press on, — ne'er mind your scars, Press on, — they yield, — and oh, my stars ! Each nose is bleeding fast ; Strike, strike, — their skulls like walnuts cracking, For Day, for Martin, and his blacking, The battle cannot last." 5. Vain charge ! the Warren dauntless stood, Though ankle deep flowed seas of blood, Till Thwackum fierce towards him flies, His breast with choler glows, Rage flashes from his mouth and eyes, And claret from his nose. The foemen meet, — they thump, they thwack ! Hark ! burst the braces on their back ! And, hark ! their skulls in concert crack ! And, hark ! their cudgels clatter, whack ! With repercussive shocks : See, see they fall, — down, down they go, Warren above, bis foe below, While high o'er all ascends the cry Of " Warren," " Warren," to the sky, And " Thwackum*' to the stocks. THE BATTLE OF BRENTFORD GREEN. 13 J 6. Oh ! for a blast of that tin horn, Through London streets by newsmen borne,, That tells the wondering host How murder, rape, or treason dread, Deftly concocted, may be read In Courier, Times, or Post; Then in dramatic verse and prose, The martial muse should tell How Warren triumphed o'er his foes, HowThwackum fought and fell, And how, despite his cartel, Day Hied him, like recreant, from the fray» 'Tis done, — the victors all are gone, And fitfully the sun shines down On many a bruised and burly clown, The flowers of whose sweet youth is mown, To blossom ne'er again ; For e'en as grass cut down is hay, So flesh when drubbed to death, is clay, As proved each hind who slept that day On Brentford's crimson plain. Sad was the sight, for Warren's squad Bravely lay sprawling on the sod ; They scorned to turn their tails, — for why ? They had no tails to turn awry, So dropped each where he stood . 12* 132 THE BATTLE OF BRENTFORD GREEX, 8. First Ned of Greenwich kissed the ground, Then Figgins from Whitechapel pound, Mark Wiggins from Cheapside, Whackum and Thwackum from Guildhall, The two O'Noodles from Blackwall, (39) Noggins the Jew from London Wall, And Scroggins from Saint Bride : Tim Bobbin tumbled as he rose, To join the motley chase, Joe Abbott, spent by W 7 arren's blows, Lay snug ensconced, and Danson's nose Was flattened to his face : Stubbs too, of Brentford Green the rose, (40) Would have essayed to pour On one — on all, his wrath red hot As blacksmith's anvil, had he not Been hanged the day before. 9. Illustrious brave ! if muse like mine May bid for aye, your memories shine In fame's recording page ; Each wounded limb, each fractured head, Albeit tucked up in honour's bed, Shall live from age to agje ; And still on Brentford green while springs The daisy, while the linnet sings Her valentine to May, The sympathising hind shall tell Of those who fought and those who fell, At Brentford's grim foray. THE BATTLE OF BRENTFORD GREEN, 333 10. 2/25HfeO£ to tftr i&eatter* Now, gentles, fare ye well, my rede Hath reached an end, nor feel I need To add to Warren's fame, my meed Of laudatory rhymes ; Far loftier bards his praise rehearse, And prouder swells his daily verse In Chronicle or Times. Enough for me on summer day, To pipe some simple oaten lay, Of goblin page or border fray, To rove in thought through Teviotdale, Where Melrose wanes a ruin pale, (The sight and sense with awe attacking,} Or skim Loch Kattrine's burnished flood, Or wade through Grampian moor and mud, In boots baptized with Warren's Blacking* A LETTER THE EDITOR OF WARRENIANA. Johnson's Court. April 1. 1823* Sir, In answer to your polite application for a song in praise of Warren, we beg leave to inclose the following choice eulogium. Before, however, we ventured to do so, we made enquiries, as our duty to church and state demanded, into the private and public character of the object of our praise. TJie result has been prodigiously gratifying. We hear that he is a staunch admirer of our all-accom- plished ministry, holds the bench of bishops in or- thodox veneration, and thinks the Morning Chro- nicle an absurdity. As a drawback, however, to these virtues, we regret to state, that he suffered his health to be drank at Lord Waithman's late dinner party. To be sure, there are degrees in moral obliquity, but if he had gone the extreme length of calling the Whigs patriots, we should assuredly have given him up. There was one man, we remember, who did so, — but he was hanged. The fact is. Sir, we are decided enemies to Whig-! A LETTER TO THE EDITOR OF WARRENIANA. 13B ism, and still more to humbug. Plain sailing is our motto ; candour and openness the talismans of our success. We think, for instance, that England is more flourishing than ever, and that Alderman Wood is decidedly not the author of Wood's Al- gebra. " Non ex quovis ligno fit Mercurius." Stil! less, Sir, do we think, that Lord Waithman is fit (in the coachman's phrase) to handle the ribbands of government. God forbid, however, that we should dispute his right to handle them in his own shop. These opinions have of late subjected us to a host of ridiculous charges, and, among others, to the malice of attacking ' 6 the sanctities of private life." We scout the calumny. We were never yet malicious ; and as for attacking private cha- racter, it is what we especially eschew. We should be broken-hearted if we thought we could do so. We really think we should. The plain fact is, Sir, that we have put our hook into the gills of the great leviathan of Whigism, and the brute, being somewhat tickled, naturally spouts a vast quantity of his washy fluid upon us. Having thus laid down our principles, you may guess with what enthu- siasm we praised a gentleman who thought in ac- cordance with ourselves Apollo seemed to inspire our pen, and on casting up our accounts with Par- nassus, we found that the sum total of the whole, as Joseph Hume would say, was the following choice product, or production, or whatever other 136 alias you may please to affix. If it renders any service to Warren, we snail be amply repaid ; for, as we have said a hundred times, we would do any thing for so great and good a man. He takes in our newspaper, this proves his taste ; he despises " the bloody old Times," this evinces his loyalty ; he adores ministers, — ergo., he must be a patriot. Such being the case, we address to him the follow- ing song. His popularity it cannot well increase ; for the man who, if we may believe report, is sit- ting to Sir Thomas Lawrence for his portrait, and to his neighbour Sievier for his bust, is already as famous as we can possibly make him ; almost as much so, indeed, as Doctor Squintum himself. We are, Mr. Editor, Your sincere well-wishers, J— B— . SONG. Air.—" The tight little island." By J. B. 1. Come, gentles, attend, 'tis the voice of a friend, So up, let us make a bold stand now, And drink while we sing, huzza for the king, And Warren the pride of the Strand now ; Huzza ! for the pride of the Strand now, Success to the pride of the Strand now s SONG. 137 We'll all to a man sing as loud as we can, Huzza for the pride of the Strand now. 2. Caledonian Hume, and Westmoreland Brougham Are famous, if men would but heed 'em, And Mister Grey Bennett, so fond of his dennett, Looks grey in the service of freedom ; Oh ! these are a talented baud, Sir, A remarkably talented band, Sir, But shed a faint spark, like a cat in the dark, Compared with the sun of the Strand, sir. 3. T'other day Doctor Gall, in the Free-mason's hall, Took a cast of our artizan's cranium,* * The craniological discoveries of those twin»stars, Doctors Gall and Spurzheim. who undertake, it seems, to detect our moral and intellectual qualities by some corresponding bone of the cerebellum, are likely to become a bone of contention among the scientific literati of the day. All who have virtuous bumpi believe in the truth of their system, while those who have not, make no bones (probably from their cerebral deficiency) of op- posing it. It appears, according to Doctor Gall's late lectures, that both the corporeal and intellectual harmony of our natures is occasioned by certain organs of the skull, which are tuned by the hand of fate. That if a man, for instance, be found full iD the organ of •• adhesiveness," it is fair to conclude, that destiny intends him for a Lord Chancellor, and that if he be de- ficient in " conscientiousness," lie may calculate on success as a Whig. The organ of " size" indicates his fitness for an alder- man, while that of " constructiveness," unusually developed in 138 SONG. And found that each bump stuck out like the stump Of an overgrown summer geranium ; So he drew up a treatise for Burnpus,* The great bibliopolist Bumpus, And a sovereign we'll stake, that his treatise will make A craniological rumpus. * The oame of a retail bookseller in Holborn. J. B. the skull of Mr. Warren, points to matters of mechanism or science, Innumerable, therefore, must be the people who are either hanged or transported from the mere size of their organs of " destructiveness," and " acquisitiveness." The accidents, however, such as murder, or theft, which result from these ini- quitous hillocks, are not the fault of their owners, but are sim- ply the result of destiny. Every thing, in short, is the work of fate. The discoveries of our chemists, and the verses of our minstrels, are nothing more than the necessary developement of bumps run to seed. Mr. Wordsworth consequently deserves no praise for his poem of the Excursion, for the organ of u weight" being unusually prominent in his skull, was destined to show its effects in the production of a heavy quarto. The organ of *' benevolence," on the same principle, prevents Mr John Gait from punishing us with any more tragedies ; iC love of approba- tion" curtails the parliamentary orations of Mr. Horatio Twiss, and if the ancestors of Lord Byron, instead of developing the organ of " combativeness" in their country's cause, had possess- ed some more mechanical bump, their descendant might have inherited the same characteristics, and instead of being now a lord, might have been a cheese-monger. Considering, therefore, that all moral and intellectual quali- ties, whether good, bad, or indifferent, are the necessary results of a particular formation of the brain, we think it but right that SONG, . 139 4. Doctor Parr hath a wig horrific and big, As the spectre's in Milton of sin, Sir, Yet though full roundabout is his noddle without 9 'Tis terribly vacant within, hir, But Warren's is quite the reverse now, Only look for a proof at his verse now, How his Pegasus stalks through Helicon's walks. As solemn as steeds at a hearse now. & Old Castaly's fountain, high up on the mountain Of Pindus, lends choice inspiration, But then you must drink, or your readers will sink In suspended (awhile) animation ; A fig for a liquor so racking, Brain, bladder, and bowels attacking, A far better fount to turn to account, Is Warren's Elixir of Blacking. a committee should be appointed to examine the skulls of the rising generation. That all who are full in the organ of **de» structiveness" should be instantly put to death with as little inconvenience as possible to the sufferers, while those who are only distinguished for the size of their organs of *' acquisitive- ness," ** secvetiveness," or any less obnoxious bump, may be sent to expiate their embryo delinquencies at the tread-mill. Thus, crime would be crushed in the egg, and the proprietors of virtu- ous bumps would be allowed to develope their valuable defor- mities for the common benefit of themselves and the community. J. B. 13 140 song* 6. They talk about Southey and Coleridge so mouthy* And verse J?orowg7i-mongering Crabbe, Sir, But by Warren's side placed, their muses defaced* Look mere Cinderellas in drab, Sir : { Other bards raise their wind but in fiction, Are wealthy as Jews but in diction, While Warren can raise the wind a l'Anglaise, Still better in fact than in fiction. 7. Oh mighty magician ! oh learned logician ! Each minstrel to thee's but an ass now, E'en the verses of Byron seem formed of cast-iron, While thine are the essence of brass now ; The image of Hyde Park Achilles, W T ho brass from the head to the heal is, Tby sole rival stands, though surely the Strand's Paragon beats Piccadilly's. 8. But halt ! lads, 'tis time to finish our rhyme, For the jorum is quite at a stand now, So pass it and sing, — huzza for the king, And Warren the pride of the Strand now : Huzza ! too for administration, No matter who governs the nation, Like Bray's patent vicar, we'll bray o'er our liquor, In laud of all administration. APPENDIX, Br W. G. While this volume was yet in the progress of publication, the interest that it excited was unpre- cedented. The first literary characters of England expressed the most affectionate anxiety for its suc- cess. Contribution followed contribution, hint suc- ceeded to hint, and criticism to criticism, till enthu- siasm, quickened beyond its wonted pace, made san- guine strides towards perfection. But there are certain boundaries affixed to human intellect, and Warr^niana was still incomplete. A few of the great authors, to whom application had been made, delayed their contributions until there no longer re- mained a possibility of inserting them in the body of the work. In addition to this, their authenticity in some parts appeared questionable and as the editor had little or no time left for enquiries, he determined to introduce those passages only which bore the stamp of genuineness. The task of selection, however, was more difficult than he had imagined The indisputa- bly legitimate were so mixed up with the probably apochryphal paragraphs, that analysis became a mat- ter of as much nicety as the resolution of chemical compounds. Nevertheless he persisted in his task, which, having at last brought to a close, he has here ventured to arrange in one general appendix, in or- 142 APPENDIX. der that by so doing be may stop up every " loop hole" through which criticism could possibly intrude itself. The first contribution that suggests itself is the following delectable ditty. It reached the editor but four days since, when the last sheet of the " Bat- tle of Brentford Green" had been worked off, and the *' Notes" were already in the compositor's hands. From the nature of the subject, he could have little doubt respecting its legitimate owner, were not the sparkling scintillations of the verse somewhat unu- sually bedimmed. Such, however, as the poem is, he offers it to the notice of criticism, and need scarce- ly add, that the small irrelevant portions here pre- sented to the public, stand precisely the same as in the original MIS. THE LIST OF LOVES. Hi, By T. M. List, list, oh list ! Hamlet. 1. Come, fill high the bowl, 'tis in vain to repine That the sun of life's summer is o'er. APPENDIX. 143 *Mid Hie autumn of age this Elixir* of mine Shall each moment of freshness restore ; E'en now its bright glow by acquaintance improved. Suns o'er each past extacy frozen, Till fancy recalls the tew friends I have loved, And the girls I have kissed by the dozen. By the dozen, oh monstrous mistake of the press. For dozen read hundreds, beginning With Fanny of Timmol, (41) the sylph whose caress First set my weak spirit a sinning : 1 met her by night in the Liverpool stage, Ere the stage of my youth was resigned, Ah Fan ! thy sole guard in that passionate age, Was the guard on the dickey behind. 3. # # * * * * * * 4f * * * * 4. Pretty Sophy stood next on the lists of my love, Till 1 found (but it might not be so) That her tenderest transports were tendered above. While mine were all centered below : So I left her on Midsummer eve with a kiss, For I ne*er could from kissing refrain, But honestly mean, when we next meet in bliss, To give her the kiss back again. 5. Oh, Kate was then all that a lover could seek, With an eye whose least spark full of soul * Supposed to have been the identical Elixir with which Saint Leon preserved his immortality. Vi dp Travels of Paint Tieon, by Godwin. T. M. } ri, * 144 APPENDIX. Would madden a dozen young sparks in a week, Though, like Parry, they lived at the Pole : In the fulness of bliss she would whisper so coy, " We were born, love, to bill and to coo." Oh Kitty, I* ne'er paid a bill with such joy, As I paM my addresses to you. The poet, or more properly speaking, his interpo- lator, then proceeds to detail bis amours with one *• Bessy," whom he calls, in an affectionate parenthe* sis, u bewitchingly simple." He describes her as a native of Erin's u green isle," and discusses the me- rits of her " delicate slim feet," in language of im- passioned but apocryphal voluptuousness. It seems that her graceful dancing first captivated his fancy, an exercise to which the splendour resultiug from the use of Warren's blacking, (which she applied profusely to her pumps), lent additional elegance. '•Her feet," quoth our animated minstrel, "flashed fire as she waltzed, and her dear little eyes shone re- flected in their sable mirror like the westering sun- beams on the ocean." He then addresses himself to Warren, whose blacking he panegyrises as the chief object of Miss Elizabeth's attraction As this part, however, is, in the editor's opinion, heterodox, he re- jects it for the closing stanza, which bears the un- doubted impress of orthodoxy. The poet, it must be premised, has been specially recommending War- ren's blacking, and thus winds up his apostrophe. 8. But away with regret—while the suns of my youth Shall gild the grey eve of my age, While memory shall borrow the pencil of truth To illumine life's desolate page ; While my heart, like some moon-silvered abbey, shall stand, All ruined though decked in a smile ; APPENDIX. 145 I'll drink to O' Warren the lord of the Strand, And the pride of the Emerald Isle. The next contribution savours strongly of the cockney school, being written by a young gentleman who seems far gone in a confirmed admiration of Leigh Hunt. It is intitled " The Apotheosis of Warren, a Pastoral Mask;" and is, of course, well manured with the requisite modicum of daffodils, eglantines, and cherubs. Even the " great Boreas" himself is pressed into the service (a great bore he is, by the bye), and trained to blow over the Regent's Canal with very pretty effect. The bard commences his pastoral by supposing himself lying "one prank- ish summer's eve" in a cart-rut at the foot of Prim- rose Hill. While thus prostrated, he suddenly falls asleep, and is forthwith visited by some half dozen shepherds and shepherdesses, whom he describes as being busied in toying with "the perked up hay- cocks" of Fairy-land. On a sudden the scene chan- ges to "the Temple of Art and Science" on Mount Parnassus, where a "glorious genius" is discovered lying dead. This glorious genius is no other than Warren, over whose corpse a set of sylphs are strew- ing flowers, consisting, for the most part, of the fol- lowing poetic plants : Cowslips, buttercups, and roses, Thyme with dulcet dew-drops wet, Sage and onions, pinks and posies, Cauliflower and mignionet. While this is going forward, Oberon, king of the fai- ries, enters, and desires the pastoral worthies to pay their last respects to the defunct and gifted manufac- turer. No sooner said than done; the monarch wares his gossamer spear, and instantly a selec t46 APPENDIX. abundance of cherubs walk two by two, like young ladies in a Sioane Street boarding school, around the body. Fast come Ofreron and Titadia 'hand in hand, ami then the following peculiarly appropriate indivi- duals, a«i of whom, it must be observed, have got pocket-handkerchiefs, " woven of aspen leaves," ap- plied to their eves. — Mab and Melibaeus ; Pease- blossom and Theocritus; Pan, Puck, and Priapus ; Vertumnus, Veshnoo, and Virgil; Ruth, Boaz, and Bottom ; Gcssner and Metastasio ; Adonis and Cali- ban ; Spenser and Proserpine ; Flora, Faunus, and a Glendoveer in corduroy shorts; Amaryllis, Arethu- sa, and Ambrose Phillips; Chloe, Comus, and Cory- don; Florizel, Perdita, a warlock, two kelpies and a bogle; Bion and Mosehus; Ariel in top-boots; En- dymion and John Keats ; Actaeon and a wood nymph in short petticoats; iEnone and Leigh Hunt, (this last in yellow breeches); Hesiod, James Hogg? Charles Lamb, and the Faithful Shepherdess; and lastly, the poet himself, with an ass's head for a hat, which he says was given him by Oberon, " the jea- lous and jaunty fay-king." When this procession is concluded, Mab, " she of the witching tongue,*' is called on for a speech, which, as it is a long one, the editor forbears to insert. It consists wholly of compliments to Warren, whose blacking is characterised as the light of the modern world, as that light by which mortals pick their way through the " swaling snares of life," as an Irishman picks his way through the " flowerless bog of Allan." At this period, the bard awakes, but finding (natural- ly enough) that his slumbers in the cart-rut have given him a rheumatism, he goes home with the re- solution to beguile its pain by an account of what "happ'd him in slumber." As a specimen of his poetry, the editor contents himself with the above brief extract, partly from the spurious, and partly from the mediocre character of the rest. He may APPENDIX. 147 observe, however, that the whole is the production of Mr. C— — ■ W , whose mind, though somewhat deteriorated by the maudlin affectations of the cock- ney school, is yet not devoid of fancy. The next contribution is from the pen of the reve- rend orator of H— ■ G , and is rather quaintly intituled, ** For Warren's Blacking, an Oration in one part." In it Mr. 1 ■ observes, that by reason of his time being so fully taken up with the cure of souls, he is unable to do that full-length justice to Warren that his genius requires, and has therefore been obliged to content himself with an abridged, or miniature contribution. This contributions it seems, is iuteaded " to be after the manner of the ancient oration, the best vehicle," adds Mr. I , "for ad- dressing the minds of man that the world hath seen," and is fashioned into a letter to the editor, (in an- swer to one that he wrote respecting an article of Warreniana) which is thus headed. Hatton Garden, April 1st, 1823. My honored Friend, The lusts of the masters of this thoughtless godless generation (like generation like masters) whose vile and filthy speculations, engendered in the limbo of vanity, are hatched by the suns of sin upon the quicksands of this ball of earth, engross the leisure that I had set apart for the consideration of thine artless appliance. Much it dispiriteth me to think of thy discomfiture, but the flush and flashy spirit of the age claimeth exclusive attention, and I thank heaven that hath ordained me by signs unequivocal to sit in judgment upon it. Of a verity, my mind likeneth it to a huge temple erected in honour of Iniquity, and the sous of men to the hardened brick- bats wherewith it is built up. For, behold, they i 148 APPENDIX. are£given to sordid and slavish sensualities, and aye continue reckless of the ho!e that mammon daily puncheth in their souls, as though it were but a hofe in their nether garments, I can testify, — I can tes- tify that they are crusted all over with leprous iniquities, that they feed on virginity as though (oh shocking!) it' were a mtitton chop, and no more heed the voice of wisdom that crieth in liatton Garden,, than they heed the voice of the Israelite who crieth "old cloaths" in the street. Men and brethren! is this always to continue, or is it to have an end ? If, oblivious of your spiritual interests, ye resolve to brave it out, then look well to yourselves, for even now I behold ye bound, one and ail, to the ocean of darkness, the steam-hoar of sin awaiteth to carry ye across, the wind sits fair for Tophet, and the pilot, Death, stands sniggering for very joy upon the deck. But yet amid the sins and the snares and the sneers of this stiffnecked shameless generation, there is one man who hath eschewed the cud of iniquity like a cow. and, addressing himself to a godlike life of science, hath dwelt alone amid the crowded chaos of the Strand, like some bashful blossom in the wilder- ness. And he hath been rewarded with many new scientific discoveries, for behold he hath made, in the stillness of his retreat, divers tuns of precious jet black liquid, the which he hath put forth in comely stone bottles. But mark the invidious soul of this degraded age ! They have jeered and backbitten and insulted his pure and poetic advertisements. AH for what ? For daring to make them simple and scientific in expression, and grafting t hereon sweet and salutary commendations of his blacking. Had he sent his advertisements forth among courts and palaces, with portraitures by Westal! or Wolnooth affixed thereto, his musings had been more welcome, but because the man hath valued modesty and com- mon household truth, therefore is he designated & APPEN1HX, 149 ^isack. It is not for me (albeit a devout admirer), to attempt any first-rate advocation of his cause, but thus much i may be permitted to add, that before the fame of the man Warren shall expire, the " heartless Childe' 5 shall take unto himself the editorship of the Evangelical Magazine ; his staves forgotten and for- given of ail, shall be ingulphed in the aestuary of ob- livion, and mine own immortal orations be sent to keep them company on the voyage I could add divers pleasant things touching these last, which I dedicate, my G , to you, but that the occupations of life are so many, and the first of April so ominous. Wherefore, in much haste, I am, My honored friend, Yours, in the bonds of fraternity, E~-~ I- — . P. S. I have just room enough left in this sheet of paper to request that you will look well to yourself, and have mercy upon your own soul.* The following and last contribution is from the pen of the accomplished author of the " Knife Grin- der,' ' a parody which made its appearance some years since in the Anti-Jacobin. The metre, like its prototype, is sapphic, and consists of an imaginary dialogue between a friend of science, and an ap- prentice of our illustrious manufacturer. The con- versation is supposed to take place in the great hall of the Society of Arts at the Adelphi, by the philoso- pher's requesting to know the nature of a particular patent which the apprentice holds in his hand. On being told that it was for anew discovery in blacking, be enters into a minute catechism respecting its ma- nufacturer, which induces a panegyric upon Warren, * Vide Preface to my Orations* 1 50 APPENDIX. in the course of which his menial incidentally ex- claims, addressing himself to the friend of science : We shall be glad to have your honor's custom, Sixpence per pot we charges for our best jet Blacking, but if you give us back the pot, we Makes an allowance. This touching appeal is naturally successful with the philosopher, who proffers his immediate patron- age. Then follows a glorious, but ungrammatical burst of enthusiasm from the apprentice which is thus effectively wound up : Sing then, oh sing his praises ; and may London, Hampstead, and Highgate echo back the ditty, While every night-wind whistles to the tune of " Buy Warren's Blacking.'* This " Sapphic dialogue" is, as the reader will not fail to remark, a mere skeleton, like the sermons of Mr. Simeon. It will serve, however, to show the interest that is excited by " Warreniana," when even our first statesman, amid the combined toils of the cabinet and the gout, can afford time and inclination to befriend it. The editor has purposely omitted some parts, from the reasons stated at the commence- ment of his appendix, thinking it far better to be scanty but select, than superabundant but spurious in his contributions. He retires, however, from the field, to use the language of the Great Unknown, (on a far less important occasion,) conscious that there remains behind, not only a large harvest, but la- bourers capable of gathering it into the granary of " Warreniana." NOTES. By W. G. (I) / was told by a Hottentot of his having been unfortunate in love,— Page 17, The gentleman who volunteered this Information appears, like other barbarians, to have been more poetical in his prose than the respect due to veracity wonld warrant. The whole circumstances of the amour 1 have discovered, after a long and laborious search, to be purely fictitious. What opinion, then, must such a brazen calumniator have formed of the capacity of his readers? But he was right — For the personal description of " Warren," vide " Roscoe" in the Sketch Book, vol. i. (2) Stokes indecent— Page 29. I object to the word indecent in its present tortured accepta- tion of immorality. Ben Jonson, Massinger, and indeed most of our old dramatists, apply it in contra distinction to the word ornament Now it was without doubt inelegant in Stokes to sit beside Elizabeth Foy with his knee-strings laxatively pendu- lous, but by no means indecent; and though I venture not an apology for his conduct as ungraceful,. I altogether dismiss it as indecent For indecent, then, read (raeo periculo) inelegant (3) My stars ! how we improve. — Page 22. There is something abhorrent to my mind in this profane and familiar use of the word ** stars." To connect the crude improve- ments of mortality with the all-perfect works of the divine na- ture, is in itself defective as a simile ; but to call upon the con- stellations to attest that improvement is a blasphemy to utterly unprincipled, that my mind staggers in an abortive attempt to express its adequate reprehension. The devout reader is re- ferred to my note on *' my star?," in Ben Jonson's Every Man out of his Humour, Act I, scene 1. — For the catalogue of niouu* tains, vide " Johanua" in W— 's poems. 14 1 52 NOTES. (4) Tom and Jerry. — Page 29. This passage alludes, I presume, to a dramatic non-descnpt of the same name, which was performed for two successive sea- sons to the crowded (of course) and enlightened audiences of the Adelphi. I merely mention the thing as a curious specimen of the most singular and superlative stupidity, that the thrice- sodden brains of a hireling scribbler ever yet inflicted on the patience of the public. (5) Odzooks, Papa, Pm dying.— Page 34. I have beeu long puzzled to ascertain the primitive meaning of this anomalous exclamation " odzooks." Tooke (vide Div. Purl.) supposes it to have been a monkish epithet of wonder. Todd takes fire at this *' random," so he terms it, conjecture; and the wretched Malone, in that farrago of drivelling malig- nity, the Commentary on Shakspeare, dismisses it with his usual felicitous flippancy. But Todd and Tooke— et vitula tu dignus et hie — are alike mistaken in their opinions, for the phrase is simply interjectional, and as such was much used by the wet« nurses of the 15th, 16th, and 17th centuries. (6) With sugar plwns of full size, And lollipops and hulVs eyes. — Page 35. The ever active kindnes3 of Mr. D'lsraeli has succeeded ia furnishing me with the loan of a lollipop, similar to the one mentioned in the text. It is oval in person, and from the sac- charine lubricity of its flavour seems peculiarly adapted to the palate of a stripling. The poet has therefore happily associated it with the Bonnie or Bull's-eye of sweet and succulent notoriety. My own opinion, which I conjecture to be right, from the simple circumstance of its differing from Mr. Malone's, is, that the lol- lipop was a species of stick liquorish, in which sense 1 find it re- spectfully mentioned by the authors of " Eastward Hoe" and the " Merry Devil of Edmonton." (7) Apollo followed arter. — Page 35. The word arter or aHer, as it is sometimes syncopated with a broad inflection of the first syllable, I find to be the Doric dialect of Cockaigne; a dialect in frequent use among those en- lightened* members of society, the washer-women. In pronun- ciation it claims analogy with the broad etperav atto 7ra.aretv of Pindar. N.B. Since the above note was sent to the press, I acciden- tally discovered, through the kindness of Mr. Farley, the valu-~ NOTES. 153 able MS, of an obsolete pantomime, the production of one Shiels, a Scotchman, in which I find the phrase "what are you at, what are you arterV The expression, therefore, had an evident theatrical origin, and I am proud to find my opinion hacked by the authority of Mr. George Soanp, a dramatist of considerable ability. (8) Her father dared to nihip in, A monstrous earthen pip-kin. — Page 36. The Poet is here mistaken, it was not a pip-kin that the old gentleman was stewed in, but a brass kettle, which, as Medea was a powerful enchantress, she probably manufactured from the face of her insolent and aspiring lover. Moreover, it was Dot iEson that was thus barbarously parboiled, but Pelias, and that by his own daughters. — Assuredly cool impudence could go no further than this. (9) So now good night, my Johnny, Put your night cap on ye. —Page 36. The origin of night-caps is lost in the remoteness of antiquity. The classic writers of Greece and Rome are silent on this im- portant topic, unless, indeed, the crowns of laurel with which their authors, sometimes even the humblest in intellect, were honoured, may be considered as a metaphorical symbol. Cer- tain it is, that as deep and efficient slumbers have been caused by the ancient fillet as the modern nightcap. Wigs, too, are not wholly without blame, for a flowery pomp of frizz is fre- quently found to conceal an equal pomp of verbiage. — Par no- bile fratrum. — I have never ceased to lament that the messenger who drew Priam's curtains in the dead of night and awoke him from nig " curtained sleep,** left us no record of the old gentle- man's head dress. The subject at such a crisis, would have been deeply interesting. (10) A digression on the family of Warren, fyc— P. 37. A terra used by Gibbon to distinguish an episode of his his- tory. Mr. C— M — , the author of this digression, appears to have imbibed no inconsiderable share of the great Classic's vigor and splendid march of diction. — Arcades ambo. — (11) For two straight lines can ne'er inclose a space, — -P. 49, An axiom in Euclid. As Cambridge Is a mathematical uni- versity, this poetic allusion to its pursuits was received with 154 VOTE:-. much applause in the senate house. It evinces besides great alphabetical research, (12) Like Amphilrite the great Neptune's daughter. —Page 54. Amphitrite was the wife, not the daughter of Neptune; but this mistake of course from the author of that elaborate absur- dity " The Deluge"— Majora Canamus.— (13) But he replied, No, blast we, if I wooll.— -Page 60. WoolU the JEolic dialect for will. (14) And thus she cried, will this here soul decay.— P. 60. The phrase " here" possesses great expletive pathos, and ap- pears synonymous with the " sui ipsius" of the most approved Latin writers. In circumstances of urgent distress, I know no expression that appeals more simply yet touchingly to the heait, and the reader who can unmoved peruse the similar la- ment of the dying robber in Don Juan, " Oh, Jack ! Pm floored by that ere bloody Frenchman," must be more or less than man. The language is truly Virgilian. (15) Our beloved OWoherty on the other. — Page 63, This gentleman, together with Dr. Scott the Odontisl, Mr* Tims, the Reverend Christopher North, and others mentioned in the same article, are contributors (fictitious or not) to that amusing Miscellany, Blackwood's Magazine. (16) We have every reason to believe that Sir William Curtis is the author of the Scotch novels. — Page 68. I derive a proud satisfaction from being able to coincide with the conjectures of the Reverend Mr. North on this important literary topic. My reasons for such agreement, which have long engaged my earnest and undivided attention, I shall beg leave to class under the following heads, each of which contains some strong presumptive proof, I. The author of the Scotch novels is a zealous lover of good cheer, as his character of Dalgetty and his descriptions of the revelries in Quentin Durwood and Kenilworth sufficiently be- token. — Sir William Curtis is notorious for his similar partiali- ties, and has been often heard to depict the festivals at Guild* hall in language of at least equal beauty, NOTE!?. 1 55 II. The novelist is an evident partizan of Ministry. — Ditto Sir William Curtis. III. The novelist is in the frequent habit (particularly in the Introduction to Quentin Durward) of alluding to his property and influence, which proves him to be a man of wealth.— On this point of close resemblance, vide the Rent-roll of Sir W. Curtis. IV. The novelist is fond of using the Scotch idiom, which he manifestly affects for the purpose of concealing his superficial acquaintance with English. The scenes of his earlier works are all laid in Scotland, and it is not, until by freqnent practice he has habituated himself to the language, that he attempts to shift his subjects to England. — Sir William Curtis labours under simi- lar grammatical deficiencies, and would naturally have recourse to the facile barbarisms of the Gaelic, under whose protecting mantle his defects might pas? unnoticed. V. In his Introduction to Peveril of the Peak, the novelist describes himself as " a stout elderly gentleman." — Sir W. Cur- tis answers to this description with an almost miraculous resem- blance. VI. The novelist is pingularly fond of analyzing the character of royalty, as for instance, in his Elizabeth, King James, Queen Mary, Louis XI., Charles II., Queen Caroline, Charles of Bur- gundy, Chevalier Saint George, Richard Cceur-de lion. This faculty could only have been acquired by a long and extreme intimacy with courts, and the warm friendship of our present gracious monarch for Sir William Curtis is proverbial in the fashionable world. VII. The language of the novelist is never so happy, as when descriptive of a sea voyage ; his details, for instance, of the ves- sel which conveyed IVIorton from Scotland, and that which bore Queen Mary to the shores of England, are two of the most splen- did passages in Old Mortality and the Abbot. — The romantic love of Sir W, Curtis for sea voyages, and his frequent excursions in his yacht to the Isle of Wight, closely correspond with the similar attachments of the novelist. VIII. The characters of the novelist, with few exceptions, are remarkable for their conversational tact, which prove that he must have passed his time in some great metropolis, where alone such tact can be acquired. — Sir W. Curtis for many years of his life has been resident in London and Ramsgate, places alike notorious for the number, variety, and conversational ability of their inhabitants. IX. The novelist is fond of enthusiastic allusions to the graces of the Highland dress.— Sir W. Curtis, during the late royal visit to Scotland, appeared at court in the full costume of a 14* 156 NOTES. Highlander, thus practically proving that his own partialities corresponded with those of the novelist. X. The novelist seems peculiarly at home in drawing the characters of wealthy burgesses and citizens, as in the case of Pavilion, the burgess of Liege, and Nicol Jarvie, the Baillie, or Alderman of Glasgow. This affords a fair presumption that he himself belongs to the body corporate of some great city, an# the close connection of Sir W. Curtis with the city institutions of London, strengthens his claim to the composition of the Scotch novels. To these convincing arguments I have yet one to add. The novelist, it seems, is every where desirous of showing himself an arrant Scotchman. Were he really one, he would be in no hur- ry to mention his misfortune; but it is evident by this very as* gertion, that he is some Englishman, desirous, from motives of emolument, of preserving an anonymous notoriety. The fact of 3iis residence in London, being once authenticated, detection must ensue; he is well aware of this, so identifies his local in- terests with Edinburgh, and thus gets the start of conjecture by at least four hundred miles. That our illustrious city baronet should wish to prolong this strict anonimity 1 can well conceive, when I remember the unprecedented sums that his incognito procures him. Still the debateable land of conjecture is a com* won open to all, and despite his assertions to the contrary, I feel myself justified in pronouncing Sir W. Curtis to be the sole au- thor of the Scotch novels. N.B. Since the above note was written, I have learned with great satisfaction that Sir W. Curtis is travelling in Italy for the purpose of collecting materials for a philosophical dissertation on the suppers of Lucullus. (1?) Before I conclude, I think it but right to observe that the poem, with the exception of a few lines, #c. was written on the First of April, A.D. 1812.— Page 81. Mr. C — e has chosen a most appropriate day for the composi- tion of his " Psychological Curiosity. 1 ' By a similar coinci- dence, his Christabel I understand, was both conceived and ex- ecuted on the Twenty-ninth of Seotember, (Michaelmas day,) A.D. 1796. (18) Then shouted to Warren with .fitful breath, Vm old Mother Nightmare Life'in*death. — P. 84. This old gentlewoman is the same who figures in Mr. C — e's ^ Rime of the Auncientte Marinere." She is there introduced as playing at Cribbage with a fiend or incubus. NOTES. 157 (19) His figure majestic, and formed for braving, Battle or blood — and he wanted shaving, — P. 86. A striking and instructive illustration of the bathos : for other equally choice specimens, the reader is referred to Martinui Scriblerus mp B*0ot/s, or Hazlitt's Table-talk, passim. (20) Oh, king of the cochtailed incubi /—Page 87. ^ It is perfectly nauseating to record the unprincipled plagia- risms of our modern witlings. Like the leaden-headed commen- tators on Shakspeare, one laborious blunderer follows another through the same eternal routine of dull and drivelling imita- tion. The present delectable plagiarism is diluted from the •* coctilibus muris" of Ovid ; not, however, without sustaining some damage from clumsy distillation, (21) / have dandies who laud me at Pained and Almack's.— Page 87. This is a gratuitous assumption ; but Mr. C — e is always po- sitive in proportion to his ignorance. Mr. Warren (however he may deserve it) is not the theme of commendation at Almack's. Who ever heard of genius being the object of admiration in a Ball-room ? Had that inconceivably fatuitous Boeotian, Malone, whose no rank in literature entitles him to similar regard, made this stupid assertion, I should have passed it, as 1 do the pages of those twin stars, Chalmers and Steevens, with befitting con- tempt, but the intellect of Mr. C — e entitles him to (at least) consideration. (22) Like little Puss with Belasco the Jew. — Page 88. The Biography of ** little Puss,'' like the four missing books of Tacitus, has been shrouded in the Lethe of time. I have consulted with my friend the Dean of W — r, in whose Chapter, I am told, he resided, with very inefficient success. The epithet " little," however, implies that like " lucus a non lucendo" he must have been a pugilist of gigantic make, for I find a similar term applied to one John, a favourite page of Robin Hood. (23) This desperate Mill.—Vage 88. I was for some months puzzled to ascertain the precise mean- ing of this ambiguous term. My mind first conjectured that it alluded simply to a wind mill ; and secondly, that it meant a tread mill. But here 1 found myself treading upon ticklish 158 NOTES. ground, so, as a last resource, I applied to Mr. John Randall, who informed me with prompt politeness, that u Mill" was the generic denomination of a fight. For " Mil!," then, read "fight." (24) And the blood from his peepers went drip, drip, drip. — Page 89. Vide a well known parallel passage in the tragedy of Re» morse, "drip, drip, drip, there's nothing here but dripping." 1 think it a justice due to Mr. C — , to state that it is not a cook who puts forth this pleasing remark, but a Moor : nor does it allude to the dripping pan, but to the lapsing flow of a foun- tain. Ben Jonson is its original owner. (25) And he dropped with a Lancashire Purr on his back. — Page 89. u Little Puss," according to the few scattered accounts I have been enabled to glean, was famous for his Lancashire Purr ; which is nothing more than a North country fashion, by which the pugilist runs his head into the body of his antagonist. The shock from so leaden and thick a substance must be attended, one would conceive, like a cannon ball, with instant annihila- tion. (26) All Foofrs'Day.— Page 94. This is the oldest and most generally received feast-day in the annals of the world. All religions agree in holding it with equal enthusiasm. (£7) Though the artist is of first-rate celebrity, and wears no crav a /.—Page 95. To wear no cravat is an indisputable sign of genius among our pastoral and poetic scribblers. A rope, methinks, would suit a choice few of them with more appropriateness than a necker* chief, and I see no reason why a man who perpetrates a publi- cation (on the mere score of eccentricity) should escape, when the wretch who commits a forgery is hanged. To affront the sensibility of the pocket is surely less atrocious than to volunteer an assault on the understanding. TOTES. . 1 59 (28) Reverend Edward Irving attempted an imitation of the fa- mous apostrophe of Demosthenes, #c— Page 96. Of this Dagon of the Philistines, it is impossible to speak in terms of praise. He is a dissenter, it seems, and of course un- worthy the consideration of the orthodox, Still, notwithstand- ing his heresies, Hatton Garden is eternally thronged, whiie our churches — but it is useless to say more, for who can sound the depths of human folly ? (29) King of Spain restored to his throne. — Page 97. The cause of kings is a divine cause. Those radical factions, misnamed ** constitutional" may oppose it, but it is the cause of justice, and as such must eventually triumph. Vide a Quar- terly Review, passim, (30) A triit statement discovered in CobbeVs register.—?. 98. An impudent and unqualified falsehood. The character of this hoary anarchist, this Erostratus of the grand fabric of our constitution is too well established to excuse even a doubt. He may drivel his specious slaver over truth, but even truth turns to falsehood at his touch. " Hie Niger est, hunc tu Romane, caveto." (31) Not content with a wholesome and sensible repast they must needs give them coffee, ham, eggs, chocolate, orange, marma- lade, and gooseberry jam, fyc — Page 103. The complaints of these unimportant extravagances, and of the gooseberry jam in particular, are truly ludicrous, and merit for their sole reply, the answer which a Roman statesman made to the questions of a meddlesome and mischievous financier. — 11 One, jam satis." (32) Did the House, let me ask, ever see the individual for whose gains it is thus shamefully solicitous? — P. 108. Vide Mr. B — m's sarcastic allusion to Cuchi the waiter of Trieste, in his speech on the memorable occasion of the Queen's trial. I need not point out to the reader's abhorrence this false and calumnious description of my friend. It speaks for itself. (33) Had Mr. Burke been still alive, he would have agreed with me, I jam persuaded, in opinion, and by way of commence* 1 60 NOTES. ment would have pulled off the Jaok-boots of our Horse Guards — with or without Boot Jacks, as it may kave suited the emergency of the case, if indeed any case was ever before reduc- ed to so deplorable an emergency, an emergency proceeding from the follies of Government, of a Government notorious for every species of gratuitous infamy.— Mr. Burke I repeat^ #c. Page 110. This involution of sentence upon sentence is a favourite fea- ture in Mr. B — m's oratory, as the following passage will attest. 44 Their lordships, for reasons best known to themselves— but for reasons, he doubted not, that were dictated by consummate wisdom, and which they had not proceeded on till fully enlight- ened by experience and a careful review of all the precedents that could bear upon the present case, — their lordships, he re- peated, had prevented him, &c. &c. Vide the Report of Mr. B — m's speech on the subject of the Queen's trial. (34) A few years since, 4" c * a serious affray took place between those illustrious rivals IVarren, and Day and Martin.- -Page 121. I am happy to say, that after much laborious investigation, I have ascertained the correct date of this battle. The generous friendship of Mr. D'lsraeli has indueed him to consult rii old barrow-woman who lives at Brentford, on the subject ; and from whom he learns that the skirmish took place a month pre- vious to the demise of her first husband. Wow her first hus- band, as I learn from Mr. Crabbed Parish Register, died in the Autumn of 1818. To this date then the point in question must be referred. (35) And many a beauteous Border maid.— Page 123. So called from the circumstance of her residing in the neigh- bourhood. Palisade; a somewhat distorted definition of a window. (36) He looked as scant as Ettrick witches, — Page 125. Ettrick forest is a sort of boarding school for young witches, where they keep holiday on moonlinht nights, tl A truly re- spectable academy i'faith." (37) And the red banners (formed by hap Of two old skirts stitched flap to flap.)— Page 129. The indefatigable researches of my friend Mr. Francis Douce, have at last enabled him to procure me one of these celebrated NOTES. 16! banners. It is quartered according to the most received milita- ry practices, And in the midst appears a portrait which 1 at first mistook for the effigy of a goose and trimmings ; but now find to compose the head and wig of my friend Robert Warren. On ei- ther side are blazoned two blacking brushes rampant, armed and laugued gules, with a pair of top boots argent. The whole forms a striking heraldic curiosity, and is now deposited in the British Museum. (38) And shouted as his bands he led, To Pat O'Thwackum at their head.— Page 130. " Of Patrick O'Thwackura," to use the language of Doctor Johnson, " thus presented to my mind, let me here indulge the remembrance." Though an Irishman he was constant in his attachments, and formed one of our little school at A — n. In temper he was peculiarly irascible, and it was doubtless this latter accomplishment that engaged him in the wars of Day and Martin, under whose banners he lost a considerable quantity of teeth, together with no slight portion of uose. I have not crossed his path since we last parted at A— n, but even at this distance, I cherish his memory with more than fraternal fond- ness. (39) The two CV Noodles from Blackwall — Page 132. The Q'Noodles, a flourishing family in Ireland, are notorious for the magnitude of their organs of combativeness. The two young men mentioned in the text form a part of this hopeful and prolific stock. They are, or rather were apprentices to Day and Martin, and were honoured with a crown of martyr- dom on Brentford Green. (40) Stubbs two of Brentford Green the rose. — Page 132. How this gentleman could be the rose of Brentford, when it was well known in the private circle of his acquaintance, that he was a Creole in complexion, transcends the comprehension of criticism. I profess not to unravel the paradox; it rests be- tween the author and his conscience. With respect to his Bio- graphy, tradition records that Stubbs was hanged the morning previous to the battle j which, if true, affords a satisfactory reason for his absence. — Of the rest of the skirmishers, little re- mains to be told. Their names have either past down the stream of time, or moulder on the records of the marble ; and all that is now known of them is, that they once existed.— Sic transit gloria mundi. lt>2 NOTBfe. (41) With Fanny of Timmol.— Page 143. See a smart Little Bijou, entitled " Fanny of Timnroi, a mail-coach adventure," The kindness of the proprietor of the Bull and Mouth Inn, London, has furnished me with the follow* ing particulars respecting this young lady. A Miss Frances Timmol (as appears by his day books of the time) took an inside place in the Union stage for Liverpool, A.D. 1799. Her lug- gage consisted of two bandboxes, a poodle dog, and a basket. Mr. M. , then a gentleman '* in the flower of his youth," happened to be the only passenger besides herself in the coach, so that the innocent flirtations to which he alludes in the text, must have taken place on the road. I am far from being a friend to such amusements, for they not only give a character of levity to the vehicle in which they occur, but do infinite da- mage to the morals of the coachman. Miss Timmol, however, appears by tradition to have been a young gentlewoman of very respectable acquirements, and as such is entitled to the good opinion of the commentator. THE ENI\ Deacidified using the Bookkeeper process. Neutralizing agent: Magnesium Oxide Treatment Date: March 2009 PreservationTechnologies A WORLD LEADER IN COLLECTIONS PRESERVATION 111 Thomson Park Drive Cranberry Township, PA 16066 (724) 779-2111 SS^V IS