635 PRICE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS V23 y 1 (VJW) $g *®@ cB® (J^L ^\V»V^ /33 r^§ W^ ^0 ^^ W (^S ^)&X WtfM: Slv ik ^Sfe ®^fe s^?p ^^v Up RIDDLES fev*& <2& 3^ l5*vT A R ural Comedy in Three Acts ©^ ©$F BY (33C 51? C2S r)&x^i 3£ H . VAN DEUSEN ^^ to 35 TaTt (2*5)(rp Ay H ||| 8^ v5i cBl@) @ W ^^ ( 4t?t o!a$ ^^ 35? $j)5) cB@ uMB g^h ^C eg SP5 ^by ^§? f& v§3 w& ^ SS «s£^ ^ <$3 3p /gS £a£X>! iS /gr\ mmn 5® ££? Sa*>X>3 © &S 5^^ ^^ u^) / S) ®^ (K)(^l) SSbQ: ^Sd ©^ U^^D jj (^M) w^F 2§S) ^W ^C \$V/i VJv/ 1 c&wf vS> <*y vp fevfe^ sS' ^5? rv^'v/* PI ;&?> l vS ^v^ ^^ TO ^y>r ^® ffl ^ /gS V^ f«vf 5/£?- ?S^ /g>f w ffi? ^^ (Kj^H) S5?r (K)^j! 4^)?P ^^ ^? U7vF uwB (v)Jii U^S WW) ^^ v5^/J \$v/ /^* OT i^"V^% <^y ^> ^Vi&^« i@ v£ 111 a^v*%^i t£? ^2? ^^^ W? \S^ IK^iv ^fcc '& 5^7<$\ ^S /V\ ^//><^ ® K© ££&^ Xq /^ w (5? ^>< *=>£^ (K)£p §5®. Jjd£f) l^p © ^f) VJtZ? ^f DICK & FITZGER/ i /g> ^ PUBLISHERS ^ @ © vSi ^gV ^g ^S' ^^1 ^ 18 Ai Street, New York ^^ v5l s^ l v5/ (K ^r ^7 vS J^& C© £fj w£ vS3 8S ^8 ji) ^b ^v&* ^V 'TS <© %Q *3B g\'^ ^T\ ($? ?^^ 5*} ^Tj ^^ ^f>) Sfc/®« (K) £f ^^ 5SS! K) SI) iW PLAYS FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY 15 CENTS EACH r CRANPORD DAMES. 2 Scenes; 1^ hours 8 GERTRUDE MASON, M.D. 1 Act; 30 minutes 7 CHEERFUL COMPANION. 1 Act; 25 minutes 2 LESSON IN ELEGANCE. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 MAIDENS ALL FORLORN. 3 Acts; 1# hours .. 6 MURDER WILL OUT. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 ROMANCE OF PHYLLIS. 3 Acts; 1J4 hours 4 SOCIAL ASPIRATIONS. 1 Act; 45 minutes 5 OUTWITTED. 1 Act; 20 minutes 8 WHITE DOVE OF ONEIDA. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 4 SWEET FAMILY. lAct;lhour 8 BELLES OF BLACKVILLE. 1 Act; 2 hours 80 PRINCESS KJKU. (35 cents) x ... 13 RAINBOW KIMONA. (So cents.) 2 Acts; l\& hours 9 MERRY OLD MAIDS. (St cents.) Motion Song 11 PLAYS FOR MALE CHARACTERS OPfLY J5 CENTS EACH H APRIL FOOLS. 1 Act; 30 minutes 8 BYRD AND HURD. 1 Act; 40 minutes _. 6 DARKEY WOOD DEALER. 1 Act; 20 minutes 8 WANTED, A MAHATMA. 1 Act: 30 minutes. 4 HOLY TERROR. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 MANAGER'S TRIALS. 1 Act; 1 hour . 9 MEDICA. 1 Act; 35 minutes 7 NIGGE^R iJlGHT SCHOOL. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 SLIM JIM* AND THE HOODOO. 1 Act; 30 minutes 5 WANTED. A CONFIDENTIAL CLERK. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 SNOBSON'S STAG PARTY. 1 Act; 1 hour 12 PICKLES AND TICKLES. 1 Act; 20 minutes 6 HARVEST STORM. 1 Act; 40 minutes 10 CASE OF HERR BAR ROOMSKI. Mock Trial; 2 hours.... 28 DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. Mock Trial. 22 GREAT LIBEL CASE. Mock Trial; 1 Scene; 2 hours 21 RIDING THE GOAT. Burlesque Initiation; 1 Scene; \% hours 24 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. RIDDLES A Rural Comedy In Three Acts BY H. VAN DEUSEN Copyright 1916 by Dick & Fitzgerald NEW YORK DICK & FITZGERALD 18 ANN STREET RIDDLES/ CHARACTERS. Jed Jordan A war veteran Sam Sharpe, S. S. S A sleuth Tom Terry A " Varsity " boy Nancy Niver A petticoat farmer 'Betty Barnes A girl of " snap " Rhoda Rood A dispenser of news Time. — The present. Location. — Down East. Time of Playing. — One and one quarter hours. SYNOPSIS. Jed Jordan, army veteran, seeks work and is engaged by " A 1 Petticoat Farmer " otherwise known as Aunt Nancy. The burn- ing of the fence rails and how Jed made good; also how he was wounded. Sam struck with a " stun " and is taken in as a boarder. The investigations of The Spook Mine. Jed suspi- cious of Sam's actions ; determines to be on the watch. Is he Sam Sharpe or Slippery Sam? Rhoda also is doubtful. Jed loads his gun and shoots, but with small results. The mystery explained and The Spook Mine a winner. COSTUMES. Modern and appropriate to characters portrayed. 'V* INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES. Broom, umbrella, rain-coat and tin pail for Betty. Watch for Tom. Travelling-bag, G. A. R. button, gun and certificate of mine shares for Jed. Sunbonnet for Nancy. Suit-case and busi- ness card for Sam. Piece of crockery to be broken off stage. STAGE DIRECTIONS. As seen by a performer on the stage facing the audience, r., means right-hand ; l., left-hand ; c, center of stage, d. r., door at right; d. l., door at left; d. r. c, door at right center rear flat. Up means toward back of stage ; DO\\|f, towa«d*fbotlights. SEP 12 1916 ©CI.D 7 44869 ~Us> { RIDDLES. ACT I. SCENE. — Living-room at Aunt Nancy's. Doors down r., up l., and d. r. c. of rear flat. Couch up c. Table c. Piece of iron ore and newspapers on table. Chairs and other fur- nishings suitable for a living-room in an ordinary farm house. DISCOVERED Tom asleep on couch, snoring loudly. ENTER d. r. Betty, with a broom. Betty. My land! Such a treat! A nasal solo by a high grade artist. Here ! Wake up, and shut up, before we lose our audience. (Shakes Tom) Tom (opens his eyes and yawns). Was I asleep? Betty. Were you asleep ! Just hear the innocent. Why, you were snoring beautifully. Tom. Snoring! Me! Not much! I never snore. 'Twas groans of weariness you heard. I'm dead tired, you know. Betty. Then stop prowling 'round nights like a tramp cat. What were you after last night? Tom. I didn't catch it to find out. Betty. Then it was a spook from Spook Mine. They'll catch you, if you don't watch out. Tom. I hope they will. Then I'll find out what stuff they're made of. Betty. Well, if you must sleep you'll have to go somewhere else. You can't sleep here. Tom. Why not? I'm quite comfortable. Betty. Because I have to tidy up this room and you're in the way; so get up and move out. (Tom does not move) Do you hear? Move, I tell you! (Shakes Tom roughly) Tom. Easy! Easy, Miss Snappy. Don't be so strenuous. You'll dislocate some of your bones. Betty. Will I? Well, it's a wonder they don't break, trying to move you. Oh, these men! Deliver me from them — College men of all others. 4 Biddies. Tom. Deliver you from them? I guess you mean deliver you to them; or some favored one among them. Betty. I mean nothing of the kind, Smarty! I have no use for the torments. They're all nuisances. Tom. No use for them, eh ! Poor little gal! How sad thy fate, Without a man To keep you straight; To buy you gowns And diamond rings J And pay your bills For other things. Betty. Don't you worry, Mr. Rhymer! I can dispense with the man with his gowns and rings, and pay my own bills for other things. Just tuck that away in your silly head. Tom. Young lady, you're dreaming! You need a beau to wake you up. I can pick you out a Cracker-Jack. Winkey Smith will fill the bill O. K. Betty. Who ? Tom. Winkey Smith; one of the "Varsity" boys. So-called for a talent he has for winking about once every second. He can sit and wink at you, if nothing more. Betty. How fascinating! But he'll never have a chance to exercise his talent on me; and I can pick my own beau when I get so foolish as to want one. Tom. I'm afraid you'll have poor luck if left to yourself. It may be a grab-bag affair and you'll catch on to some old fossil who's been left in the bottom of the bag. Betty. Well, even that will be better than your luck. You won't even catch a fossil. The bag'll be empty in your case. But enough of this nonsense! I must get to work. So, out with you! Shoo! Scat! or I'll whack you with this broom. Tom. I dare you! (Betty strikes Tom with broom. He Jumps up; catches hold of broom. They struggle for it. Knock at d. r. c. They do not heed it, knock repeated, they pay no at- tention but continue to struggle) ENTER Jed d. r. c, carrying travelling-bag. Stops at entrance to watch the struggle. Tom gets broom, throws it aside and grabs Betty, who boxes his ear. Betty. Take thai 1 Mr. Impudence. And that! {Boxes his other, ear\ Riddles. 5 Jed. Bully for you, gal; them was corkers. Now give him another volley on both wings agin; then charge on his center and the fight is yours. Betty. Well, I like your nerve! Where are your manners? Why didn't you knock? Jed. Why didn't I knock? Land-O-Liberty, gal ! Why, I did knock. But you and your feller was so busy tusslin' thet you didn't hear me, I reckon. What was you scrappin' 'bout? Tom. It was no scrap, my friend. We were doing stunts in athletics, and I was giving the lady a lesson in wrestling. Jed. Jess so ! And she was giving you one in boxin' ; and she's real handy at 'em too. Tom. Why-a-a, yes. She's not bad, I must admit. Jed. Waal, it's too bad I've spiled your fun, but I'd like to see the boss if he's 'bout. Mebbe you're the feller? Tom. Not guilty ! I'm the star boarder. Betty. He imagines he's boss at times, though. Jed. Jess so! Waal, if he ain't the boss where'll I find him? Betty. It's not him on this farm. It's she. My aunt, Mrs. Niver, owns the place. Jed. Geewilikins! Hev I got to tackle a petticoat farmer for a job? Betty. You're looking for work, then? What's your name? Jed. Jordan, miss; and if you've got a job handy I'm willin* to take it. Betty. We do need a man very much; but if you want the place, you'll have to tackle Aunt Nancy for it. You needn't be afraid of her because she wears petticoats. Jed. Oh, I ain't skeered, miss; but I'm awful bashful 'bout tacklin' wimmen folks. Betty. Poor man ! What a dreadful affliction. Here, sit down and rest your nerves until Aunt Nancy comes in. {Places chair for Jed, who sits) Tom. You're a Civil War Veteran, I see. Jed. Gosh! How'd you guess it? Tom. By that G. A. R. button on your coat. Jed. Jess so ! But you can't allers gamble on them things. I've known more'n one fraud to wear 'em. Howsumever, I come honest by mine. I was in Uncle Abe's scrap with the Rebs from start to finish. Tom. With what regiment? Jed. Seventh Maine. Tom. Is that so! My father was Colonel of that Regiment until he lost his leg at Gettysburg. Jed. You don't tell me! So Colonel Tom Terry is your 6 Biddies. dad. Waal, he's a dad to be proud of, all right. We thought a sight of him. He did a real slick thing for me once. Tom. What was that? Jed. 'Twas down near Fairfax in '61. We was on picket one night when 'twas cold 'nough to freeze fust love. I started in to make a fire out of an old fence. The boys tried to stop me on 'count of your dad's orders thet we wasn't to burn any fence rails. " Then we'll burn stakes," sez I. Sol got some stakes and started a fire. By and by 'long came the Corporal. " See here, boy," sez he ; " don't you know that Colonel Tom issued orders 'gainst burnin' fence rails ? " " Well, we ain't burnin' rails," sez I, " they're stakes" That stumped the Corporal and off he went and told the Captain. Down came the Cap. mad as a nest of riled bumble- bees and wanted to know what I meant by dis'beyin' orders. " Hevn't dis'beyed orders, Captain," sez I, " orders was, not to burn fence rails, nothin' was said 'bout stakes" Arter scratchin' his head over thet a bit, the Captain trots me up to headquarters and reports me to your dad. Arter hearin' the Captain, your dad sez to me ; " Waal, Jordan, what have you to say to this ? " " Nothin' more'n I said to the Captain," sez I, " I didn't burn a single rail, I took nothin' but stakes." Waal, your dad just grinned for a minute and then said, " Jor- dan, you're a Yankee all right and great at gettin' out of a scrape. I guess I'll hev to let you off this time; but hereafter when I issue orders I'll see that all pints are covered; and even then I'll be willin' to bet a month's pay, that you'll find a hole somewhere, big 'nough to crawl through and evade 'em." Tom. That's father, all right. He's a strict disciplinarian as a rule, but there's an easy side to him, if you know how to find it. Jed. Waal, I found it thet time, I reckon. Tom. You found plenty of hard fighting with the seventh, didn't you? Jed. Jess so ! There wasn't no picnic 'bout it. Betty. Were you ever wounded, Mr. Jordan? Jed. No, miss, but I spilled 'bout half a pint of my blood in one battle. Betty. Without being wounded? How ever could you do that? Jed. I reckon you might call it an accident. Betty. An accident! Jed. 'Twas this way, miss. We was chargin' on a Reb. bat- tery and goin' lickety-split through a bit of woods. I ketched any foot in a root or sunthin', tumbled over a stump, and busted Kiddles. 7 my nose ploughm* up dirt with it You'd a thought a cannon ball hed hit it, the way it bled. Tom. Couldn't you class that as a wound? Jed. Not in army lingo. My nose came mighty nigh gettin' reported 'mong the missin', though. Tom. But escaped the honor? Jed. Jess so! Is your dad still alive? Tom. Yes. Jed. What's he doin' for a livin'? Tom. He's president of the " A. & B. R. R." Company. Jed. That's a pretty good job; keeps him in vittles, I reckon. What's your name? Tom. I'm Tom, Jr. Jed. Railroadin' too? Tom. Not yet. I'm trying to get through college first. Jed. A colleger, eh ! Thet's what I wanted to be when I was a youngster. I got tired of the district school the lessons was so blamed hard; so I asked dad to send me to college; but he cal'lated as I was no good in school I'd be good for nothin' in college, so he put me to work on the farm. Tom. And so squelched your ambition to shine in college? Jed. Jess so! And I hevn't hed the hankerin' since. ENTER Nancy d. r. c. Nancy (sitting and fanning herself with her sunbonnet). I declare ! I'm about tuckered to death. Sich a chase as I've hed. Betty. What's the trouble, Aunt Nancy? Nancy. Thet pesky cow thet I bought from Cy. Coots broke out of the pasture agin and galivanted down the road almost to Tim Doolittle's. If thet tow-headed boy of his'n hedn't a headed her off, land only knows where she'd a fetched up. I do wish I could get a decent man long 'nough to fix up the fences if nothin' else. But land! Decent men 'pear to be as scarce as hen's teeth. Betty. You've got your wish, Aunt Nancy. Here's a man who is looking for work. Mr. Jordan, this is Aunt Nancy. Jed. Pleased to know you, marm. Nancy. So you're arter work, be you? Jed. Jess so, marm. You've got a job thet's needin' a man; I am a man thet's needin' a job; s'pose you hitch us together and see how it'll work. Nancy. Waal, I do need a man the wuss way; but I don't know 'bout takin' on a teetotal stranger. Jed. Thet'll wear off arter you've known me a spell, marm. 8 Riddles. Nancy. Most likely 'twill. Your name's Jordan, you say? Jed. Thet's one of 'em, marm. Nancy. One of 'em. Land sakes, hev you got more'n one name? I hope you ain't one of them alias fellers thet I've read 'bout with half dozen names stuck onto you? Jed. I've got a front name, marm. It's Jedadiah — or Jed, when you're in a hurry and hev to talk quick. Nancy. Jedadiah Jordan, eh! Be you related to the Jordans up in Pontoosic? Jed. Not as I knows on; 'less it's in a round-'bout-way, mebbe; like a second cousin's sister-in-law's nephew. Nancy. What hev you been doin' for a livin'? Jed. Trampin' mostly. Nancy. A tramp! Then you can just clear out and tramp on. I won't hev one of them shiftless critters 'bout me. Jed. I ketched the disease in the army, marm; I tramped with Uncle Sam's boys in blue from '6l to '65 and it got sich a grip on me thet I've tramped more or less ever since. I tramped with the reg'lars a spell arter the war, and hev been in all kinds of trampin' jobs since then; peddlin', census takin' and the like. But I'm no beggin' tramp, marm; I'll work for what I eat or go hungry. Nancy. So you're an old soldier. Waal, I'll take to you for thet; my late husband, Ebenezer, was one. Hevn't you any family? Jed. No, marm. I'm a homeless orphan and a mittened lover. Betty. A mittened lover ! Jed. Yes, miss. I was mittened by Jerusha Jane Pepper when I was too young to wear whiskers. Betty. How could she have been so cruel? Jed. I dunno, miss. 'Twasn't my fault; I loved her hard 'nough; fell in kersplash, the fust time I laid eyes on her. Betty. Love at first sight, eh! Jed. Jess so! But it didn't work on her side; so I hed to scramble out the love pond the best way I could. Tom. Why didn't you try another, pop? Jed. Not much ! One pair of thet kind of mittens was 'nough for me. Nancy. Do you know how to farm? Jed. I reckon so, marm. I was fotched up, as the darkies say, 'tween two hills of corn. But don't you take me for a punkin' head on thet 'count. Nancy. You don't look it, thet's sartin, so I'm willin' to try you a spell. But mind, I won't hev no shirkin' your work. Biddies. 9 tThe last man I hed was a shirk, 'cept at eatin* and sleepin', then he'd work overtime. Jed. Jess so, marm, they're poor truck to hev in any bizness. We hed one in our company once. He was great for blowin', but a shirk at doin'. Allers hed a sore toe or sunthin' soon's he saw a fight comin'. Never got in one but once and then 'twasn't fur 'nough to hurt him. Betty. Tell us about it, Mr. Jordan, do ! Jed. 'Twas the Antietam fight. Our Captain hed been wounded in the South Mountain scrap and this feller, who was fust lieutenant, was in command. Just 'fore the ball opened he giv us a Fourth of July palaver 'bout standin' by the flag and other lingo, and wound up by sayin' ; — " Now, boys, I'm goin' to lead you in this fight; all you hev to do is f oiler me." I said to Sim Decker, (he was my tent mate) "We'll be safe 'nough to foller him; 'twon't be into the ball room thet's sartin." Sure 'nough; soon's we got where the bullets begun to zip through the air, and sing lullaby tunes in our ears, he turned tail and Scooted for the rear, follered by some of the boys 'cordin' to orders. Betty. Did you go? Jed. No, miss, I stayed with the second lieutenant and the rest of the boys til' the ball was over. Tom. What became of your plucky lieutenant? Jed. He was so scared thet he got the shakes and he couldn't Stop, so he resigned and went back hum. I reckon he joined the shakers. Nancy. When'll you be ready to start workin', Mr. Jordan? Jed. Soon's I, stow away this baggage and git my workin' togs on. But don't call me Mr. Jordan; I ain't use to that handle. Just call me "Jed". You can say it quicker and I'll answer to it just as quick. Betty. I'm going to call you Uncle Jed, if you don't mind. Jed. Will you! Waal, thet's real slick. It'll make me feel kinder related. Tom. I'll line up' with Betty, Uncle Jed. Nancy. Come with me, Uncle Jed. I'll show you where to stow your baggage. [EXIT with Jed d. r. Betty. Well, Tom, we have an adopted Uncle. What do you think of him ? Tom. He's a pill. Betty. A pill! Why, Tom Terry, why do you use such an expression as that? Tom. He's a curative pill. He'll banish the blues and knock Dut the dumps with his Yankee humor and war yarns. 10 Biddies. Betty. Indeed he will! He's just jolly. I'm so glacl Aunt Nancy has hired him. (Crash off stage) My land! That pesky tramp cat must have sneaked into the pantry again. [EXIT d. l. Tom (looks at watch). Gee Whiz! I had no idea it was so late. I must get a move on and make myself scarce before Betty returns to sweep me out. (Gets ready to go) ENTER Nancy and Jed d. r. Nancy. Where you goin', Tom? Tom. For a tramp. Nancy. S'pose you show Uncle Jed over the farm. I've got so much to look arter in the house thet I can't spare the time. Tom. Just the ticket. I can enjoy my tramp and enjoy more of Uncle Jed's tonic pills at the same time. [EXIT Tom and Jed d. l. Nancy (goes about room, putting things in order). Thank goodness! I've got a man once more. I do hope he'll pan out all right, for the farm's sufferin' for a man's hands the wuss way. Thet good-for-nothin' Tim Doolittle, fits his name like skin; for it's mighty little he ever done 'cept to blow 'bout what he was goin' to do. (Finds a piece of iron ore) Here's another of them stun's thet Tom's forever luggin' into the house and knockin' to pieces; says he's studyin' gee-ol-gy; but what thet lingo hez to do with stuns, beats me. This one can go out doors agin. (Opens d. r. c. and throws ore out) Sam Sharpe (off stage). Ouch! Great Caesar! What have I run up against? Nancy. Land-O-Livin' ! I've hit somebody. ENTER Sam d. r. c. Limps to a chair, sits, and nurses his foot. Sam. Is this your regular way for greeting strangers, ma'am? Nancy. Massy sakes, no. I found a stun in here and fired it out 'fore I looked. I didn't s'pose anybody was out there. Sam. Fortunately it hit one of my pedal extremities instead of my cranium. Nancy. Your what? 'Pears more like it's your foot. I'll go and fetch my liniment bottle. Sam. Never mind, ma'am. Don't trouble yourself. It's not serious enough for that. Are you Mrs. Niver, the mistress of this abode? Nancy. I'm Mrs. Niver, and own this house; if thet's what you're drivin' at. Biddies. 11 Sam. You take in boarders occasionally, I believe. Nancy. Thet's 'cordin' to who they be. Sam. Well, how about met I'd like to be taken in. Nancy. You I Why, I don't know you from Adam, and I won't take anybody I don't know, 'cept they bring rec'mends from somebody I do know. Sam. Quite right, Mrs. Niver; and I'm a brand new speci- men. However, I think I can satisfy you on the recommend part. Do you know Mrs. Jane Blinn of Boston? Nancy. Sartin' I do. She was Jane Sims 'fore she got mar- ried. We was gals together ; went to school together ; growed up together and got married together. She to Jim Blinn and me to Eb. Niver. Sam. So she informed me. Well, she's a good friend of mine and has given me an Ai. report of you and your place. She's my reference. How about it? Nancy. There's allers room for anybody Jane sends here, so you can reckon on the best I hev. What's your name? Sam. Here's my card. Nancy (reads card). Samuel Sharpe, S. S. S., Boston. My sakes! You've got 'nough S's on your ticket. What's them three end ones for? Sam. They indicate my profession or business. Just as " M. D." on a doctor's sign signify, " Much Doctor ", you know. ■ Nancy. Dew tell! Waal, thet's new to me; and what does your S's stand for? Sam. It's a bit of a riddle that I'll let you try your brains at guessing. Nancy. My brains ain't no good at guessin' riddles. Sam. I'll give you a little hint to help you. In my line of business you have to be swift, slow and sly. Nancy. Oh shucks ! Thet makes three riddles 'stead of one ; and I hevn't time to bother with 'em. I'd take you on Jane's say-so if you hed a dozen riddles on your ticket. Sam. Thank you for your confidence, Mrs. Niver; and I as- sure you that my business is also select, sensible and serviceable. Nancy. For massy sakes. Stop your riddlin' 'fore you git my head all twisted up. Sam. Then I'll let up on you, and ask you to show me to my room. I'd like to clean up a bit after my dusty ride. Nancy. I'm goin' to put you in my north room, Mr. Sharpe. It's nice and cool and real viewical from the winders. Sam. Any room you please, Mrs. Niver. I can generally manage to be comfortable at any point on the compass. [EXEUNT Sam and Nancy d. b. \% Biddies. ENTER Tom d. l. He goes about the room searching for something. Tom. What the dickens has become of that chunk of iron ore? I could almost swear that I brought it in here. (ENTER Nancy d. r.) Have you seen anything of a piece of ore, Aunt Nancy ? Nancy. If you mean thet good-for-nothin' stun thet I found on the table, I fired it out in the yard. I won't hev the house cluttered up with sich truck. Tom. That piece of truck, as you call it, may mean a snug little fortune for somebody. There's iron in it. Nancy. Fiddlesticks ! There ain't iron 'nough in it to make a pot handle. What hev you done with Uncle Jed? Tom. I left him fixing up the pasture lot fence. He says the cows have to stay in camp while he's on guard. He's a hustler, all right. Nancy. I took in a boarder while you was out. Tom. Male or female? Nancy. He's a man; real nice and perlite too; even if I did hit his foot with thet stun when I fired it out. Jane Blinn sent him. Here's his bizness ticket. Tom {takes card). Samuel Sharpe. Now I wonder Nancy (sniffing). Sakes alive! I've forgot all 'bout my saas, and it's burnin'. [EXIT Nancy d. l., in a hurry. Tom. This is Sam Sharpe's own card. I wonder what's up in his line to bring him to this out-of-the-way region. Can it be the lure of Spook Mine? ENTER Sam d. r. Tom. Hello. Sam, you old crook catcher. Sam. Why, Tom, old man, how are you? (They shake hands) Sam. What college scrape has banished you to this waste and howling wilderness? Tom. Waste and howling doesn't apply only in spots. This is the rural paradise where I usually spend my vacations. Sam. And fabricate those huge fish stories of yours. Tom. Fabricate nothing. My tales are plain, unvarnished statements of facts, which I can prove if you stop here long enough. But what crooked business brings you here? Sam. Why do you class it as crooked? Tom. Because I never knew you to be mixed up in any other kind. Biddies. 13 Sam. Can't / take a vacation as well as you? Tom. Nonsense ! I never knew you to take a vacation, either. If you should, you'd butt into something crooked be- fore it was a day old. Sam. You're off this time, Tommy ! I'm on a vacation. Chief Ketchem said I needed a rest so he's given me a soft snap assignment. Tom. What is it? Sam. Simply to locate and examine the condition of an old iron mine, supposed to have petered out years ago. Tom. A played out mine, eh! In this locality? Sam. So we have been informed. Tom. Then your job of locating it will be a snap, all right. It is not more than a half mile from here. Sam. You know it, then? Tom. Yes. It's one of the waste spots in this paradise ; a wild, rocky hill called The Cobble. It is, or was, a part of this farm, and it's the dread of this neighborhood. Sam. For what? Tom. It is occupied by spooks, and bears the hair-raising name of Spook Mine. It is shunned like the small-pox hospital. Sam. Spooks, eh! Of what variety? Tom. That's a riddle. They have thus far managed to keep shady as to any bodily showing — if they have any bodies. Sam. How do they manifest their presence? Tom. By spooky lights, spooky wailings and spooky howl- ings. It is the one howling spot in this wilderness. Sam. This is decidedly interesting. Has anybody ever plucked up courage enough to search for the cause of these spooky performances. Tom. I've been there myself a number of times. A neighbor and I scouted about there last night without bagging a thing. So you see what you're up against. Sam. Something crooked, possibly, even as you predicted. Tom. In whose interests are you working? Sam. In chief Ketcham's own. Some of the mine shares have come into his possession and he has taken a fancy to look into it and see if the thing is as played out as is reported. Tom. Well, Sam, I'm inclined to think that there's good money still locked up in that old mine's veins. I've picked up a number of specimens that promise fine. It may be that the spooks are on to the business and are making the place dis- reputable to hide their work. Sam. Possibly. I'll have to hunt up these amusing critters and find out. 14 Biddies. Tom. You can count on me for any assistance you may neecL Sam. For the present, keep my real business here in the shade. Be mum as to your knowledge of me or my affairs. Act as though we meet here for the first time. "There's a reason" as Postum says. Tom. All right, Sam! Mum it is. Sam. Good! Now, where'll I find Mrs. Niver? My room appears to be minus soap and I need a scrub. Tom. Her sass caught fire and she's in the kitchen putting it out. Sam. This way? {Goes towards d. l.) Tom. Yes. (At the door Sam butts into Jed, who is about to enter) Sam. I beg your pardon ! [EXIT d. l. ENTER Jed d. l. Jed. Waal, I'll be jiggered! Slippery Sam, as I'm a Yankee. Now what's thet crook doin' in these diggins? Tom. Why do you call that gentleman Slippery Sam, Uncle Jed? Jed. Because it fits him. What do you call him? Tom. Sam Sharpe of Boston. He's Aunt Nancy's new boarder. Jed. Who says he's Sam Sharpe? Tom. He does and so prints it on his card. See for your- self. (Hands card to Jed) Jed (reads card). S. S. S., hey! Slick, Slippery, Scallawag. Thet fits him like skin on a snake. He may be Sam Sharpe in Boston but out in Toledo he was Slippery Sam with a reputa- tion thet wasn't wuth shucks. 'Twas as full of holes as a sieve. Tom. Take care, Uncle Jed. Go slow. It's bad business to blacken a man's reputation unless you have good proof to back you up. Jed. Jess so! But I know what I'm talkin' 'bout. I never forget a phiz arter I've seen it once; and I've seen hiz more'n once. He's been nabbed by the police a couple of times but he was too slippery to hold. What's botherin' me now, is to find out what cussedness he's goin' to hatch out here. Tom. Uncle Jed, you're too fast! Put on brakes! You may be mistaken in the man. He doesn't look very crooked to me. Jed. I tell you he's a consarned blackleg. I'm goin' to keep my eye on him; and if I ketch him at any of his tricks I'll Biddies, 15 put one hole in his noddle box, thet'll hurt him a darned sight wuss than the ones in his rep'tation. [EXIT d. l. Tom. I see fun ahead. Uncle Jed has Sam sized up as a crook, and my tongue tied by Sam himself. CURTAIN. ACT II. SCENE.— Same as Act I, two weeks later. DISCOVERED Nancy sewing at table. ENTER d. r. Betty, dressed to go out in the rain. Betty. Aunt Nancy, is there anything you would like from Mickey's ? Nancy. Why, Betty! You ain't goin' out in this pourin* rain, be you? Betty. I must go. There isn't a grain of salt in the house, and I have an important letter to mail. Nancy. Waal, seem' you've got to go; s'pose you fetch 'long a bottle of thet new fangled hair ile thet the papers are blowin' up. Betty. Why, Aunt Nancy! What are you going to do with hair tonic? Are you yearning for the long silky tresses that are pictured in the ads? You'll be taking to face powder and cream next, I presume. Nancy. No sich thing. But I've a mind to try the stuff on Pup. Betty. On Pup! Why, the idea. Nancy. If it'll make hair grow on bald heads as they say 'twill, mebbe it'll make dog hair grow on Pup where thet hot soap lye scalded it off. ENTER Jed d. l. Jed. What'll I do with thet yaller hen, Aunt Nancy, thet 'pears to hev made up her mind to set or die? She's squatted on corn-cobs, old door-knobs, a half peck of onions and 'bout everything else she could get under her. I've just hed a skirm- ish with her and drove her off a pan of gooseberries, where she'd started in to hatch out geese, I reckon. Nancy. Can't you shut her up in some way so's she can't 16: Riddles. squat. Mebbe it'll cure her when she finds she'll hev to set standin' up'. Betty. Uncle Jed, prognosticate the weather for me. Jed. It's beginnin' to clear, Betty. The wind's shifted, and the clouds are scootin' 'way like army mules on a stampede. The sun'll be shinin' 'fore you get down to Mickey's. Betty. It's dreadful muddy, though, isn't it? Jed. Nothin' to brag 'bout. You ought to see Varginia mud. We used to pump that. Betty. Pump it ! Jed. Thet's what we boys called our marchin' through it, Our feet sounded like suction pumps workin'. 'Twas like wadin 1 in tar. And deep ! Why, Sim Decker told me thet he was passin* a slough of it and he saw a hat on top of the stuff. He reached for it with his gun, and gosh, there was a man under it with his head stickin' outer the mud. Scat my cats ! " Comrade," says Sim, "is the mud as deep as that?" " Deep," sez the feller ; " why, I'm standin' on top of my wagon as 'tis." Betty. Why, Uncle Jed! How can you tell such a whopper? Jed. Does sound kinder whoppin', don't it? Waal, I've allers thought thet Sim stretched the truth a little thet time. Betty. I should say he did. But I can't wait to hear any more such whoppers or I won't get to Mickey's before dark. [EXIT Betty d. r. c. Jed. Aunt Nancy, did you know Sam Sharpe 'fore he came here to board? Nancy. Why no. He was a teetotal stranger same's you. Jed. Jess so! And you took him on trust, same's you took me, I s'pose. Nancy. No, I didn't. Jane Blinn of Bosting sent him here. I've known her since we was babies. Jed. Then I reckon he's bamboozled her, too. Nancy. What on airth are you drivin' at, Uncle Jed ? What's the matter with Sam? Jed. He's a consarned crook. Nancy. A what! Jed. A crook, blackleg, bank robber. I seen him out in Toledo, where he was called Slippery Sam. Nancy. For the land sakes ! Is Sam sech a bad egg as thet? I can't believe it. He's too nice fer thet. Jed. Jess so ! He's slick talkin' as a book peddler, but slip- pery as an eel. You'll believe it 'fore long, I cal'late. Soon's I nab him at his tricks. Do you know what he's up to 'round here? Riddles. 17 Nancy. No, I don't. When I asked him 'bout his bizness he said 'twas a riddle thet I could hev the fun of guessin' out. Jed. Waal, 'tain't no riddle for me. I know it, I reckon, and it's as crooked as the " S's " in his name. Nancy. For massy sakes, Uncle Jed! What's he doin'? Jed. Hatchin' cussedness. I've been spyin' on him from the start, knowin' his rep'tation, and I've seen him pokin' and nosin' 'bout Spook Mine more'n there 'peared to be any call for. Thet bothered me for a spell 'til I found thet the spooks hev more than gas and noise 'bout 'em. There's flesh and blood humans hidin' in thet old mine, or I'll eat my boots. Nancy. My land. Hev you seen 'em? Jed. No. But I've heard talkin' and seen smoke, and there's nothin' spookey 'bout sich things, I reckon. Nancy. Does Tom know 'bout this? Jed. Yes; and the way he takes it ruther stumps me. He 'pears to think I'm looney, the way he grins when I tell him my s'picions ; he goes 'round with Sam quite a lot and I'm be- ginnin' to think that Sams trickin' him. Nancy. Mebbe 'taint so bad as you s'pose 'tis. Jed. I tell you, Aunt Nancy, thet I don't s'pose anything, I know, and I'm willin' to gamble on't thet there's a gang of crooks in Spook Mine plannin' deviltry and thet Sam Sharpe's boss of the bunch. Nancy. Uncle Jed, you skeer me! If sich critters are 'bout we ain't safe in our beds. Just like's not they'll break in here some night and swelter us in cold blood. Jed. Not while I'm watchin' out; and I reckon on trappin' 'em 'fore they do any swelterin'. Just keep shady 'bout this to Betty, she 'pears to be kinder stuck on Sam and I don't want her worried 'fore the trap's sprung. Now I'll go and rig a trap for thet yaller hen 'fore she hatches out suntin' out of nothin'. [EXIT d. l. Nancy. I declare its sunthin' awful what a sight of wicked doin's is goin' on thet we know nothin' 'bout. Sam Sharpe 'pears to be like a bad squash ; nice and yaller on the outside and rotten on the inside. You can't know folks nowadays by their looks and talk. There's Uncle Jed too ; I don't know anything 'bout him 'cept what he's told hisself. Mebbe he's another rotten squash. ENTER Tom and Rhoda d. r. c. Rhoda. How-de-do, Nancy ! Nancy. Why, Rhoda Rood! I'm tickled to see you. When did you gtt hum ? 18 Biddies. Rhoda. Last night. I came 'long with Nick Larabee who was up in Pontoosuc buyin' fixin's for his new house. Tom. Nick Larabee, eh? He's a widower, I believe. Rhoda. Yes. Tom. And is buying furnishings for his new house. Were you helping him? Rhoda. I helped him 'bout a few things. What of it? Tom. He'll make a good match for you, Rhoda. Rhoda. A match for me! What on earth do you mean? Tom. Why, matrimony, of course, and he'll make a prize partner. Not old Nick, or young Nick, but middlin' Nick; and a nice family to start with as well — seven children of assorted ages and sizes. Rhoda. Indeed ! Well, I wouldn't marry him if he had twice as many children. Nancy. Don't mind Tom, Rhoda; he's allers foolin' thet way. Take off your things. (Rhoda removes bonnet and sits. Tom gets a paper and sits, up stage) How's things going in Pon- toosuc ? Rhoda. They're boomin' real fine. Squire Potter has fixed up his house with bay winders and a veranda. The Congrega- tionalists have built a new stun church, Si Herrick's runnin' a soap factory, the town has put up a jail and Nancy. A jail. My land. For what? Rhoda. Why, to lock up bad folks in, you goose ! What did you s'pose a jail's for. Nancy. There oughtn't to be any bad folks to lock up. Rhoda. Why not? Nancy. With Si's soap to scrub 'em outside and the Congre- gationalists to clean 'em inside, the Pontoosucans ought to be as good as pie. Rhoda. Well, they ain't — not all of 'em, so they've got the jail; and who do you s'pose was the fust one to get locked up? Nancy. I dunno. One of the Congregationalists, mebbe. Rhoda. Why, Nancy Niver! How onpious you talk. 'Twas Billy Briggs, the man who built it. He went on a spree soon's he finished it and got so fightin' drunk that they shut him up in his own job to sober up. He tried to break out but couldn't. Tom. I call that a good piece of work. That jail will be a lasting memorial of Billy's skill as a builder. Nancy. Hev Ike Slow and Susan Ould got married yet? Rhoda. No. And not likely to be as far as I can see. He keeps on sparkin' just as reg'lar as ever but never gets to the poppin' point. I told Susan that she'd have to do the poppin' if she ever got him. But land! She's as slow as Ike without Biddies. 19 fiavin* his name either. They'll never reach the hitchin' post at the gait they're going. Nancy. You've been takin' care of Sarah Potter for a spell, hevn't you? Rhoda. Yes. Nancy. What 'pears to be ailin' her? Rhoda. Nerves, mostly. She's got 'em bad too. The squire's goin' to take her to a nervous doctor in Boston. Nancy. How'd she get 'em? Rhoda. Her Sam cuttin' up and goin' to the bad, started 'em. Nancy. Have they heard anything 'bout him since he broke jail and run away? Rhoda. The squire heard that he was in Toledo, Ohio, but Nick told me last night that he was back again and up to his old tricks. Tom. Has Nick seen him? Rhoda. No. But the robbin' of Hopper's store was his work, they say. ENTER Sam d. r. c. Stops near door when he sees Rhoda. Sam. Excuse me, Aunt Nancy. I didn't know you had com- pany. Nancy. 'Tain't no company, Sam. It's only Rhoda Rood. Rhoda, this is Mr. Sharpe from Bosting. He's boarding here a spell. Sam. I wish a little information about Spook Mine, Aunt Nancy. Have you any interest in it? Nancy. I'm interested 'bout the spooks thet 'pear to be keep- in' house in there. Sam. I refer to financial interests. Do you own any shares in it? Nancy. I dunno whether I do or not. My Eb. had some when they started to dig the hole, but where they be now is more'n I know. Sam. Do you mean that they are lost? Nancy. A thing's reckoned lost when you don't know where 'tis, ain't it? Sam. Haven't you any safe place in which to keep your valu- ables ? Nancy. I hevn't got any val'bles, and as for them mine shares they wasn't worth shucks. You see 'twas this way. Eb. owned Cobble Hill and when the mine fellers started the thing they bought the hull hill 'greein' to pay part in cash and the rest in 20 Riddles. mine shares. Eb. got the shares all right, seem' they was nothin' but paper, but he never got much money. Sam. And those shares have been mislaid, or lost? Nancy. 'Pears so. Eb. was mighty keerful of 'em for quite a spell; but arter the bizness bust up he got keerless, and I don't know what he done with 'em. Sam. Well, Aunt Nancy, see if you can't find them, they may prove valuable to you. Nancy. Land sakes! Arter all these years. How can they? Sam. I haven't time to explain nozv. But believe me; they're worth lookin' up, so get busy and dig 'em out. [EXIT d. r. Rhoda. I declare, Nancy. If you hadn't said that that man was Mr. Sharpe, I'd a said he was Sam Potter. Nancy. Sam Potter! Why, you've never seen him, nor I either. Rhoda. But I've seen his picture at the squire's; and Mr. Sharpe is the livin' image of thet picture. Nancy. Land-O-Livin' ! Mebbe he is Sam Potter. Rhoda. Fiddlesticks! Didn't you just tell me that he was Mr. Sharpe? Nancy. Mebbe he's lyin' 'bout it. Rhoda. Lyin'. Why, Nancy Niver ! What do you mean? Nancy. You said thet Sam Potter hed been or was in Toledo, didn't you. Rhoda. Yes. Nancy. Well, Uncle Jed told me thet he'd seen Sam Sharpe in Toledo and thet he's a crook called Slippery Sam. Rhoda. Well, of all things! What do you think 'bout it, Tom? Tom. I'm not thinking about it. It hurts my brains. I'll let you and Aunt Nancy tackle the riddle. Sam, who ought to know best, says he's Sam Sharpe. Uncle Jed is willing to. swear any number of swears that he's Slippery Sam, and now you come to the suggestion that he's Sam- Potter. One thing's sure; he's Sam, and I'll let it go at that until you or Aunt Nancy solve the problem as to the balance. {Gun heard off stage) Jed (off stage). There, you consarned thief! Thet dose'll stop your tricks, I reckon. Nancy. Massy sakes alive! Uncle Jed's shot Sam. (Falls off chair in a faint. Rhoda screams, rises from chair, staggers and falls into Tom's arms) CURTAIN. Riddles. 21 ACT III. SCENE. — Same as Act II. One week later. ENTER Nancy d. l. and Betty d. r. c, carrying a tin pail. Nancy. What luck, Betty? Betty. Poor. All the berry pickers in the neighborhood appear to be out this morning. Nancy {looks in pail). You've got 'bout 'nough for a couple of pies, I reckon. Betty. Aunt Nancy, what awful deeds are you and Uncle Jed planning to do? Nancy. My sakes ! Why, we ain't plannin' nothin'. Why do you ask sich a question? Betty. I've seen you with your heads together more than once, and I'm beginning to think that you are planning to elope. Nancy. The idea of sich a thing ! Why, we've been talkin' 'bout the farm work. Betty. Nonsense ! Councils of war 'gainst weeds, as Uncle Jed calls them, don't have to be held in secret or talked over in whispers. It's something more serious than that. Has it any- thing to do with the Spook Mine riddle? Nancy. What put that notion in your head? Betty. I met Uncle Jed down the lane awhile ago all togged out for war and on a quick march for the Cobble. I asked him if he was hunting more tramp cats like the one he shot the other day and frightened you and Rhoda into fainting fits. He told me he was going for bigger game than cats ; he was after blacklegs in Spook Mine. Then away he marched before I could ask him to explain. Now if you know what's up, I in- sist that you tell me. Nancy. Waal, Betty, seein' you've s'picioned sunthin' I s'pose I'd better tell you now, though Uncle Jed wanted me to keep mum 'bout it. It's sunthin' to do with Sam. Betty. Sam! Why, what has he to do with it? Nancy. 'Bout everything, I reckon. He's a black crook. Betty. A what? Nancy. He's a blackleg; a crook; and boss of a gang of thieves thet's hidin' in Spook Mine. 22 Biddies. Betty. Why, Aunt Nancy! What yellow journal yarn are you trying to give me? Sam, a crook! Ridiculous! Nancy. 'Tain't no yaller yarn. Uncle Jed says it's true. He seen Sam out in Toledo and knows all 'bout him. He's a scala- wag called Slippery Sam. Betty. Well, of all the silly stories I ever heard, this will take the first prize. Uncle Jed's head must be twisted. Nancy. There's no twist 'bout it; Uncle Jed's been spyin' on him. He's seen him with a tough lookin' feller over by the mine and heard 'em make a 'pintment to meet there to-day and he's gone over to trap 'em. ENTER Tom d. r. Betty. Tom, have you heard this nonsensical yarn that Uncle Ued has been spinning? Tom. What yarn? Betty. That Tom Sharpe is a king of crooks and has a band of them in Spook Mine. Tom. Sure! Uncle Jed spun it out to me some time ago. Betty. What do you make of it? Tom. I'm not making it. Uncle Jed's making it, and intends to finish it, I presume. Betty. But do you believe it? Tom. How can I tell until I hear the evidence, as Pat said when the judge asked him if he was guilty or not guilty. Betty. Do you know that Uncle Jed has gone to Spook Mine armed with a gun? Tom. Well. Betty. That Sam is there on some harmless business? Tom. Well. Betty. And that Uncle Jed is hot-headed enough to make trouble and may shoot, should he think it necessary? Tom. Well, what of it? Betty. Tom Terry, your conduct is contemptible! You seem to be treating as a joke what may be a serious affair. Tom. Exactly! Well, it's a joke, all right. Wait and see. Nancy. 'Twon't be any joke for Sam if Uncle Jed takes it into his head to shoot at him, I reckon. Tom. Uncle Jed may shoot until his gun is empty but he won't do any damage. Betty. Why not? Tom. Because I loaded his gun. \ Biddies. 23 ENTER Sam d. l. Acts as though he had been running. Sits and mops his head and face with handkerchief. Sam. Gee! But it's hot. Tom. What's up, Sam? You look as if you had been legging it something lively. Sam. What's got hold of Uncle Jed? Has he got another war fever? Tom. What are the symptoms? Sam. He's started a war on his own hook, judging by his actions. I was over at Spook Mine talking over conditions with the mine expert, when up pops Uncle Jed from behind a rock and gets the drop on us with a wicked-looking gun. " Put up your hands, you consarned crooks," he yelled, " or I'll bore you with lead." Our mine expert, not being a man of war, in- stead of putting up, put out, and sprinted down the Cobble like a marathon runner, followed by a ball, — I presume, — from Uncle Jed's gun and then by Uncle Jed himself. I didn't wait for a similar charge on me, but beat it. Now what's gone wrong with him? Tom. He called you a consarned crook, didn't he? Sam. He certainly did; and with vim too. Tom. Are you aware that you are a blackleg from Toledo, Ohio, and bearing the slimy name of Slippery Sam? Sam. Who? Me? Tom. So Uncle Jed swears and that's why he's after your scalp ! Sam. Great Scott! What put that kink in his head? Why, I've never been in that city. Nancy. Then you ain't Slippery Sam? Sam. I haven't that dishonor, believe me. Betty. I told you it was a silly yarn, Aunt Nancy. Tom. Well, Sam, you'll have to prove it to Uncle Jed mighty quick when he catches you, or he'll have your hair sure. ENTER Rhoda d. r. c. Rhoda. They've caught Sam Potter, or Sam Sharpe, as he calls himself and, (Sees Sam) why no, they haven't either. Are you Sam Sharpe or Sam Potter? Sam. What is your opinion of it? Rhoda. I declare ! I dunno what to think. When I saw you this morning with the sheriff, you was Sam Potter and you had a black eye and a broken nose; and now you 'pear to be Sam Sharpe and your nose and eye are as good as mine. It makes 24 Biddies. my head spin to try and figger it out. Why, there must be two of you, and as like as Mart Coon's twin puppies. Tom. It's a case of double Sam, Rhoda. Nancy. How'd they ketch Sam Potter? Rhoda. He broke into Mickey's store last night and started in to bust open the safe, when Mickey, who was watchin' out, jumped on him. They hed an awful tussel, but Mickey got the best of him and turned him over to the sheriff. ENTER Jed d. l., he covers Sam with his gun. Jed. Hands up, Mr. S. S. S. 'fore I dose you with lead pills. (Sam puts up his hands) Now, Tom, you get a rope and tie him while I've got him covered. Tom. That'll do, Uncle Jed. Put down your gun. You're holding up the wrong crook. This one is not Slippery Sam. Jed. Don't tell me thet, Tom. I reckon I ought to know. I've seen him 'nough times. Tom. Not as often as I have. I've known him from the time we were kids and went to school together. Jed. You hev! Tom. Sure thing! He's Samuel Sharpe, Secret Service Sleuth of Boston. He's here on legitimate business. Nancy. Secret Service Slouch! Why, thet's the meanin' of them S's on your ticket. Sam. You're a bit off on one of them, but we'll let it go. Now you don't have to strain your head to guess them. Tom. As for Slippery Sam, I think Rhoda can account for him. Rhoda. I reckon Sam Potter's him. He was out in Toledo and he's slippery 'nough, the land knows. Jed. Waal, I'll be jiggered. Then I axes your pardon, Sam, for thinkin' you was slippery. Here's my hand. (They shake hands) But, I'm blamed if you ain't 'nough like him to be the cuss himself. Betty. Rhoda says they're Mart Coon's twin puppies. Rhoda. Why, Betty Barnes, I didn't say any such thing. I said they was like 'em. Jed. Waal, Sam, it's a good thing for you thet I didn't pull the trigger, I reckon. Tom. He's right, Sam. If you'd been hit by what's in his gun, you wouldn't have known what struck you. Sam. What's in it? Jed (examines gun). Paper bullets, by gum! This is some of your doin's, Tom? I Biddies. 26 Tom. I wouldn't be surprised. I wanted to produce all the fun there is in the comedy but I didn't want anybody hurt, so I manufactured a few cartridges and loaded your gun. Jed. Thet's why thet chap who was with Sam got off so easy. Who was he, Sam? Sam. Another consarned crook as bad as myself. Did you catch him? Jed. Not quite. He legged it too fast. Gosh! how he did scoot. Makes me think of Lankey Jones at Cedar Mountain. Betty. What scared him, Uncle Jed? Jed. A bomb shell. We called him Lankey 'cause he was built thet way. He was a greeney, and in his fust fight. The bomb came screechin' through the air and bust nigh where we was lined up waitin' for orders. Lankey was so scart thet he dropped his gun and scooted for the rear ; but he was stopped and brought back. " What's the matter, Lankey," sez I. " Jed," sez he, " them rebs air shootin' bullets at us as big as water- melons, by gum! One of 'em went right over my head." Then he started to blubber like a spanked schoolboy. " Oh shut up, Lankey," sez I, " why you're cryin' like a baby." " Waal, I wish I was a baby," sez Lankey, " and a gal baby too ; then I'd never got mixed up in this blamed old war." Tom. Poor Lankey! If a little bomb shell could scare him like that, I wonder how one of your bullets would have affected him? Jed. Jess so! What was you and your gang doin' in Spook Mine, Sam? Sam. The only gang working with me was Tom and the ex- pert whom you scared to death. Jed. There was other fellers in there, for I've heard 'em talkin', but I never could spy 'em out. Sam. Oh, the spooks! Tom and I fired them out. Nancy. Fired 'em out! Why, what was they? Sam. Harmless tramps of the Weary Willie breed. They had a snug little home in an out of the way corner, where they kept house and manufactured spooks for the amusement of the pub- lic. As they hadn't paid any rent, we were obliged to bounce them. Betty. You heartless wretches. To make those poor spooks homeless and put an end to the charming mystery that was mak- ing this region famous. Sam. We'll make it famous for something more substantial than spooks, I'm thinking. Betty. My land. What? 2(3 Biddies. Sam. The old mine will soon be turning out a fresh supply of the best iron ore in the country. Betty. Is that possible! Sam. Sure thing! The examination made by we crooksi shows that its veins are still filled with rich ore that will make fat pocketbooks for its shareholders. Tom. That was a chunk of it, Aunt Nancy, that you tried to kill Sam with the day he arrived. Nancy. Waal, don't thet beat all! I s'posed the hole was good for nothin' 'cept to hide spooks in. Sam. Now, you see where your shares come in. I hope you found them. Nancy. No, I hevn't; and I've looked high and low for 'em too. What Eb. done with them beats me. Jed. Hev you been lookin' for mine shares? Waal now, I bet I've got 'em. (Fumbles in pockets and takes out a paper) Is thet what you're after? (Gives paper to Sam) Sam (examines paper). This is the document O. K., and in- sures your right to a good big chunk of the mine fat for your pocketbook. (Hands paper to Nancy) Aunt Nancy, I con- gratulate you. Nancy. Uncle Jed, where did you get this paper? Jed. Thet old scarecrow down in the cornfield hed it. Nancy. My sakes. Jed. Jess so. The wind opened its batteries last night and blowed the old feller to pieces. When I picked up his remains this mornin' I found thet paper in a pocket of the old coat he'd been wearin'. Nancy. Why, thet was an old coat of Eb.'s thet I giv' to Tim Doolittle to rig up the old scarecrow with. I never thought 'bout lookin' in the pockets. Eb. must hev stuck it in there the time he got keerless. Tom. Uncle Jed, you're an A-No. i farmer. You can raise profitable crops even from scarecrows. Nancy. He's my good-luck man, and I'm goin' to 'dopt him. Uncle Jed, you shan't tramp any more. You're overseer of Cobble Farm for the rest of your days. Betty. Oh jolly! Uncle Jed, you may still be a mittened lover, but you're no longer a homeless orphan. You've been adopted by the wealthy widow, Mrs. Nancy Niver. Jed. Jess so. CURTAIN. COMEDIES AND DRAMAS PETER PIPER'S TROUBLES A comedy in 4 acts, by Jos. H. Slater. 5 male, 3 female characters. Cos* tumes of to-day. 2 interior scenes, both simple. Time, a full evening. Peter's troubles are caused largely by his desire to oblige his friends, and are of a social, financial and business character. He is employed in the law office of two typical unscrupulous pettifoggers, Grubbins & Bundy, who endeavor to appropriate Doris Chester's fortune, but in the end are foiled by Peter. Betsy, the comedy lead, shares with Peter in the fun making, as well as Adolphus Gudgeon, the English dude. Easily staged. Sure to please. PRICE 25 CENTS A FIGHT AGAINST PATE A drama In 4 acts, by John Rupert Farrell. 8 male, 2 female characters. 1 exterior, 2 interior scenes. Time, 2 hours. Major Bemming, an escaped convict, determines to reform and break away from his associates. He marries Alice Summers and lives at her father's house. His former com* panions trace him and threaten his betrayal to the sheriff unless he aids them in a new scheme. At the moment of apparent success, they are all three arrested. By his wife's stratagem he escapes, but soon meets with a fatal accident. The movement of the play is intensely dramatic, but the tension is relieved by ingenious comedy parts. PRICE 25 CENTS THE UPSETTING OF JABEZ STRONG A comedy in 3 acts, by Helen P. Kane. 5 male, 4 female characters. 2 easy interior scenes. Modern costumes. Time, li hours. Jabez Strong, a wealthy stock operator, desires that his daughter Daisy should marry a fellow-operator, Burton by name. This plan is bitterly opposed by Daisy, who is in love with Jack. Through Miriam's influence over Jabez, and through Dana's and Jack's knowledge of the previous record of Burton, whose rascality they expose, Daisy and Jack are finally made supremely happy. Jabez is an excellant, eccentric old man part, while those of Jack and Daisy are brimful of "go" and comedy. Easily staged. Highly recommended. PRICE 25 CENTS WHEN WOMEN RULE A farce In 1 act, by Agnes Electra Piatt. 2 male, 4 female characters. 1 simple interior scene. Time, about 15 minutes. The scene is laid ten years hence, when the presidential office is filled by a suffragist. The leading character is secretary to the president, in fact all the officials are suffragists. The two male characters are Willie Walters, "Mother's Sunshine," and Wick Lee Sling, a typical Chinaman. Has also a good soubrette part. PRICE 15 CENTS UNDER SAILING ORDERS A comedy In 1 act, by Helen P. Kane. 1 male, 1 female character. 1 interior scene, plain or elaborate, as desired. Time, 50 minutes. Costumes modern. The action occurs in the cabin of the yacht " Lorelei " anchored off Bar Harbor. A very clever sketch, full of action and brightly written. The climax is a true illustration of the old adage " Faiat heart ne'er w©» fair lady." PRICE 25 CENTS COMEDIES AND DRAMAS THE DEACON Comedy Drama in Five Acts. Eight Males, Six Female* By Horace C. Dale A play of the Alvin Joslyn type, easily staged, so that it can 1» played in any hall. Abounds in humorous incidents and ludicrous situations, and has much farcical business. Plays two and a half hours. PRICE 25 CENTS JOSIAH'S COUBTSHIP Comedy in Four Acts. Seven Males, Four Females By Horace C. Dale Requiring but little scenery, can be played in any hall. Is especi- ally recommended to dramatic clubs in want of something with good comedy feature and forceful but not too heavy straight business. Mirth alternates with deep pathos. Plays two hours. PRICE 25 CENTS THE DEACON'S TRIBULATIONS Comedy Drama in Four Acts. Eight Males, Four Females By Horace C. Dale A worthy successor to the ever-popular " Deacon " in which the old favorites reappear amid new surroundings. The business is as forcible, the situations are as laughable, and act-endings as uproari- ous as in the older play. Plays two hours. PRICE 15 CENTS COLLEGE CHUMS Comedy in Three Acts. Nine Males, Three Females By Anthony E. Wills One interior scene. An ambitionless young man is transformed through his college surroundings into an athlete of vigor and spirit. Two opposing Civil War veterans and a German professor sustain the comedy part's. Plays two hours. PRICE 25 CENTS SLEEPY HOLLOW Drama in Three Acts. Eight Males, Three Females By George M. Rosener Two interior, two exterior seenes. A romance of the revolution occurring at a British outpost in the Catskills. It tells of Singing Water's marriage to Capt. Hastings and her father, Silver Bear's, revenge for the captain's perfidy : also of the various perils of the Morgan scout, Hugh Campbell. The situations are intensely dramatic and follow each other quickly. Plays two and a half hours. PRICE 25 CENTS A WIDOW'S WILES Comedy in Three Acts. Seven Males, Eight Females. By Emilib H. Callaway Three interior scenes. An apparently simple plot, but involving unexpected complications which arouse the keenest interest in the fate of the leading characters. Plays two hours. PRICE 25 CENTS MILITARY PLAYS 25 CENTS EACH M. BY THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours ?0 EDWARDS, THE SPY.- 5 Acts; 2Y 2 hours 10 PRISONER OF ANDERSON VILLE. 4 Acts; 2*4 hours.. 10 CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; V& hours 9 ISABEL, THE PEARL. OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2J^ hours 9 BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 RURAL PLAYS 25 CENTS EACH MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 2*4 hours 9 AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 2J4 hours 8 OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 2% hours; 1 Stage- Setting 7 GREAT WINTERSON MINE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 5 WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3Acts;2hours 4 FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 1 hour... 6 LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 ENTERTAINMENTS 25 CENTS EACH AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene 5 11 BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene 2 30 IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; 1^ hours 19 15 JAPANESE WEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour 3 10 MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 hours 6 9 OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; \y A hours 4 4 YE VILLAGE SKEWL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Recitation 11 CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes 15 14 EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes ' 8 BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 1^ hours 1 13 OVER THE GARDEN WALL. (15 cents) ..: 11 8 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N.Y. COMEDIES AND DR, 25 CENTS EACH 017 401 551 BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4Acts;2hours 6 BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acta; 2^ hours 11 COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2J^ hours 9 DEACON. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 8 DELEGATES FROM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes. ... . 3 DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3Acts;2hours } 6 E ASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 8 ESCAPED FROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours 7 GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2^ hours 5 GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2)4 hours 5 IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 8 Acts; 1% hours 4 JAILBIRD. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 6 JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4 Acts; 2 hours 7 MY LADY DARRELL. 4 Acts; 2V$ hours. 9 MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2V$ hours 13 NEXT DOOR. 3Acts;2hours 6 PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 8 Acts; 2 hours 6 REGULAR FLIRT. 3Acts;2houra 4 ROGUE'S LUCK. 3Acts;2hours 5 SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 6 Acts; 2& hours 6 STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2^ hours 5 WHAT'S NEXT? 8 Acts; 2tf hours 7 WHITE LIE. 4 Acts; 2tf hours 4 M. V. 3 WESTERN PLAYS 25 CENTS EACH ROCKY FORD. 4 Acts; 2 hours 8 GOLDEN GULCH. SActs; 2^hours 11 RED ROSETTE. 3 Acts: 2 hours 6 MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2^ hours.... 5 STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2J4 hours. 9