V 1545 G8 G8 opy 1 THE =a M —OF AN '.^. ARKANSAW SHOWEtflAN, | —BY— •-S1 PB.iri.A.LLE.HU|.5,HACKL|F0flTE,f -^ MAGIGIAB * AI2D * 60EJUP(E!^^ Together with the Experiences and Kxperinients in the begining of his Practice and Hfe in the Back- woods of Arkansaw. With Interestino" Amusing and Instructive Reading to all Classes of Moral Society and Fun loving Readers. KXCKLSIOK Si'JilNG8, MO. PKF.SS OF J. W. HYDKK. 1885. I VI \ THE OF AN "^! ARKANSAW SHOWMAN, — * =*- X B^- ^:MAGISIAI2 J AI2D i S012JU!(B!^:-^ -'^^'^ik Together with the experiences and experiments in the begining ot his practice and Hfe in the back- woods of Arkansaw. With interesting, amusing and instructive reading to all classes of moral society and fun loving readers. ^<*>.^ "><~^^^^^)<^ I MAR 14 188 f« w^ KXCELSIOK SPRINGS, MO.: PKKSS OK J. W. IIVDER. 1SH5. \ Q^ Q[ Entered according to the Act «f Congress, in the year 1885. by J. W. HYDER, in the office of the Librarian of CongTess at Washington, D. C. I^^All Rights Reserved. ^^^^^ PRBFASE. The ©nly apology that I shall offer in presenting to this, our noble public, the "Arkansaw Showman" is; I haver never before offered one sentence of my situation and unfortunate life foi- publication ; have never lounged about hotels, boarding housej>. and Gross road grog shops, and told of the many startling- scenes and difhculties that I have fallen a victim to, in the course of my comparative early life; have never exposed the secrets of a showman's trials, and trickeries, which this volume unfolds, nor have never made known before, the many little scrapes and misfortunes that have prevailed upon me; and now if I should ever be the means of instructing, amusincr, or interesting one fellow mortal, I shall be amply rewarded for all the trouble, time, and labor, bestowed upon this work; and trust that before you have scanne it thoroughly, that you may find something of interest and value. And hoping there- fore, that you all, as a feeling community, will pardon the haste, manner, and conduct in which I have given you the "History of the Case." And fearing you should perhaps judge me eluogizing upon the subject, I remain your most humble servant. Shacklefoote. Porcupine Hollow, Ark., U. S. A. hKRATA. A few tvpograpliical errors have escaped the proof-reader.s eye in the fol- lowing- pages ; ut none are of a serious nature, and the reader can easily detect and correct them. — Publisher. A Iffeiiv Edition —OF THE— FEATS AND DEFEATS OF AN AHAKSAW SH0WHAI7, We have in preperaiion, a new edition of this work. It will contain a number of Illus- trations, including- a portrait of PROF. SHACKLEFOOTE. We want Agents everywhere to sell this popular book, to whom most liberal terms will *be given. For particulars address, J. W. HYDER, Pub. Excelsior Springs, Mo. \ PROF. ALLEHUE 5H ACKLEFOOTE. OR THF CHAPTKK T. BURSTING THE JIG, OR STARTING TEiE LAUYEK.' An? - r/i/? ttiiji'i'n tune or lnivyf;r^s mareh through the corn-field. Whttii people write lore letters^ Th«y should be very careful how. For if they don't they'd better; Or they're sure to have at low When LsLwyeT», j^o to by a cow Without a price done set; They'd befier prepare, te have a row. For that they are sure lo gel. Old BhTSEY ^ EVE'\ in the course of human events, is there anything n.ore important, or interesting, or ties more binding, than is the parentage of one's own existence. Of this, I can face the whole five races of mankind, and claim for my parents, the most favorable traits of untarnished character, our country have ever known ; but,^ as I am consoled on this fact, that none who have ever known either of them, will doubt for a moment, or deny my allegation. I shall not attempt to worry you with their history, or present: vru with their dcscendency ; but, must annoy you with a short and sketched history of my youthful life, for a time. at least. 1 was, of course, like all other good citizens, born in the year Eighteen Hundred and — Anno Domini, in the month of Janu- ary, in one of Hoosier States. And as my parents, being of the most rambling disposition. 1 were almost invariably raised 10 on the roaa. Yes, in that dread month when hoar/ frosts, and . chilly blasts, when friged air and frozen earth, had interveaed; when the icy hand ot winter, snow bound down its fetters, and the fields and meadows were all divested oi their green attire ; when the forests were stripped of th^ir greenest array, and were clothed in their snowy robesj and here amid such dense mel- ancholy came forth mj existence. As i previously remarked, that my parents showed the most intense love for travel, and servation, 1 was but a small portion of hmnanity, when I embarked on that great vessel of strife and contention — found no where else so complete as in travel — yet, how many are never contented without roaming the world o ver and over ; of which 1. happened to be one ot the immortal few But, as that is of but httle importance, now. I must pro- ceed with my subject^ and if possible, endeavor to tell of some- thing that may likely be of impcrtance. How 1 shudder to tell It to the wond ; not that I care for myself, but care, lest it should fall into the hands of some of its co-workerr., and per- sons in whom it is concerned; and then, besides, to occupy so much space, in this chapter, to tell so much without interest- ing my readers; but I hope dear reader, that you will grant me one pardon for. bringing into my subject the school-room, but 1 will promise to tell no tales of school-boy days ; nor does it enter into my subject, as a part, but merely a place of reference, where my first fate occurred. 1 had gro^vn to be a lad of some size, had done a fair share of traveling, when one day I happened, partly to see what was going on inside that httle quiet school house by the way-side, aid partly to see the old gentleman that was teac'iing. 1 entered the humble little hut, had a good long conversation with the old school master, who seemed very much interested in me, and before I left, insisted on me to come and spend the winter in his little school. 1 made some excuses, and told him that 1 would call and see him often — but before I went 1 changed my notion, to some extent, for there in that little congregation, was the most lovely little creature that ever any human eye beheld. Oh ! what a feeling came over me, this was my first temptation ! Although she did not possess the charms that most modern 11 bfrutics are so apt to have on such occasions ; she was beauti- ful ill :he extreme; although she did -not possess the dark flashing, sparkling, piercing, eyes, of tlie Elizas and Delilas ; nor the beautiful symmcincal. low, dowdy, rotund, chubby little damsel, nor had she the dark, heavy, luxurant, waving curies, that such little maidens are so likely to to have ; nor was she her mamma's only little pet, who would not let any one court around her ; no she was neither, although she was on the opposite scale of beauty, she was still beautiful ; her soft gray eyes, her fawn-like figure, her yellow tresses of golden hair, swinging sottly down her neck ; her gentle voice so low and sweet, soon set the electro-magnetic nerve in my heart, which still survived and increased, till it absorbed my entire being. I watched, and tried, and worked and toiled, for many long weeks, months and even years, without any success or anything like it, till at last I attempted to find out at the cost of whatever might be the consequences. But I had given too much of my time to traveling the world, and observ- ing the ways of great cities, wild countries, dense forests, broad prairies and vast plains ; instead of cultivating my manly attributes, or learning the ways and means of ''Court- ships fatal errors," from lack of right management; and now must suffer in a measure for transgression — for a sin of om- mission — in that, that I had not lulfilled natures instinctive ■aw, and fiist pre-requisite, in not learning to ''court scientifi- call)' end thoroughly; hence I found that the way of the n au<>^ i etsor is Uard ; and nature will not let those go unpunished, who have thus tre.^-spasscd on her laws. But how am I to knew \\hat traits to ci:liiv£te, or tastes and talents to improve '^. or have 1 time to go abroad, and learn from those already initiated in tl.e powers of Courtship, for information on this most interesting affair ? No, my love, feelings and en- tire being was already vvtought up to its highest pitch of pas- sion, and to too full an extent to bear such a delay ; but, how am I to proceed .-^ 1 wondered, 1 pondered — would I, like I had in all other cases, walk straight to Mollic, and tell her in a bold and manly way. my thoughts, feelings and asperations ? which if I had, mi^ht have **t( < k," but when our consciences 1 1? desert us, in the critical .?incl most valuable moment,' wKen it could be dispensed with more easily in any other c^se, than in our affairs oi "setting out.'' This, was my trying point ; still I could not ''m.uster" the courage to call on Miss Mdllie and tell her in m.y own natural language, how sincerely and intenssly 1 did love her. No, I could not. 1 thought as I had o ten been m many places, and that my feelings had often been aro jse i by some strange occurance, and never failed to. ma.k.e my way out, I thought 1 might do as well this tim.c — but I could not : failure showed its sunny side, and this was a ^teind otf point I thought of many things that might "take,'' if 1 could be coura- geous enough to put them into execution, till hndly I made one desperate struggle of thought,, when 1 thought "eureka,*' (I've found it), had hit upon the triek, at last: >had"'phunmed the track, and driven grim care and contention, far, f^r away ! I would write her a note— a legitimate piece of business — that could not be out of place, nor ignored by no princess of any Province. Yes, it was an easy way the world had adopted, so generously 'fixed for her fell >w-individuais to correspond in in- nocent conversation, without the third, fourtJb on fifth person to interfere. Yes, it was easy to write Miss Molhe a note, and thus introduce myself to her, when she wouldirespond, and then my fortunew'ould be completed— ^1 would only have to do the rest by gallantly proffering hei; my heroic protection and atten- tion. — by pleasantly conyeyiiig her to balls, parties, pic-nics — anywhere and everywhere that she might feel willing to go. Gh, how I could imagine my glory, basking in the genial rays of her fond affections, while riding, walking, talking, and en- joying with her, Nature's all- wise provisions for lovers' amuse ments and pleasure! Yes, I would write Miss Mollic a note; but it must be done in an exquisite manner, as Mollie was an exquisite girl, or it would touch her effeminate feelings, and that would render all things nugatory — it must have some high-per- faluton anatomical, phraseological, cut-and-dried words, phrases and sentences in it ; however, I was not to be baffled out of this, and remembering Charity Whites proverb : "Challenge your pate and fancy wit will come,'' I at once set my wit to do- ing its best lichs; but I would have done well not to have 13 done it fit all; but nevetheless, I procured some fancy Ltcra- ry material — and, was it not for the annoyance ot in) leaders, would subjoin its conLents here; but will proceed to iutlier pai - ticulars — 1 compcsed an.d completed it in die It si n ain.ti \ edi- ble, which was considerably passable, lo have noihin^ to com- mence about, for, this was my first atiempt; ioi , never had I spoken to anyone, on the subject of matnmon)-, or its ap- pendages for, if I had, I might have done diffsmiiy. Yes,ii i had known what 1 ought to have known, I might have never had cause to so bitterly repent ot niy hrst atteniptat love letter writing. But, the letter done, how was I to gei it off? or by what means, or by whom was it to be sent ? the post office was but a short distance and it would cost bat a fraction oi iioihii..^ to mail it; but would that be safe ?would she get it, or woula her big sisters, or big brothers get it, and plague her out ? or would her great big brawny dad get it ? and read my stupid weakness, and my deep admirations of his little dau;^hter, which would demolish my thoughts and feelings; but 1 was^not to be whipped out in this, I pocketed the instrument, that \v»s to decide my fate with MoUie. There was in that same little schoolhouse, where first I saw that charming one, going lo be a meeting of the M. E. Church and now was my time for exe- cution with that troublesome article — and I must procure some means of conveyance;p( rhaps ^me cf you \\ ill sa) , '^a hy did you not walk right up to-her^em'd give it to her yourseli, and say no more about it ?" Ah, would to the Almighty Fath- er I had had the courage to do so much, but must now only sigh a heavey sigh, to tell you how I done. It was a lovely evening in the month of July, when nature's kind providence, had filled the earth with its abundence in store, the t^oral and vegetable kingdom, was all in their most luxurant beauty; when the forests and groves arQ giving back their greenest apparel, by the same Omnipotent hand which, but a tew short ^/"^ynonths ago, had stripped them of all their glorious and gorge- K^lous splendor ! and consequently in a manificent grove, adja- cently situated near the little school house, the good people had gone to the grove for an evening's devotion; thus leaving the school house to free access to those not devout cnour^h to o 4' 14 seek consolation in the congregation of ^vorshipers.! • This was my only resort — my last effort — there were her brother, hut you need not know his name, because those who may/ev^er see this will no doubt know enough, without ever wanting" to know his name — for, if ever there were any one on eartii, who w^is tormentmg and troublesome, it was him, for every moments time in his life, lie was playing some mischieveous trick on some one; but, I thought I could trust him wdth my • business — at least I thought I would try it at any rate. But if ever 1 repented of doing any thing, 1 repented of this. vBut forced to make a trial to give Mollie the letter, I took him to one .side. and told him that I had something of <:;-reat importance to tell him, and if he would quit his confounded carelessnessy and act right about it I would like to have his service on tlie oppeii^- tion — of course he agreed to everything I told him, and said, he was one of the kind that could do just as he was told to do I then told him that I had a little no'e,that I wanted to give to Mollie, and if lie would say nothing about it, would like to have him give it to. her; he avowed that nothing coiiW iiaduce him to ever ''squeal" about it, that he would gi-ve it to her-ands'^^y no more about it; I then han'ded him the abominable-institution, gave soine instructions, and w nt into the house, stretched my self out on a bench, thinking how easy a thing it was/ to write ones thoughts and feelings, and have no one to know notliin^:^ about it, but the one intended tu know it; and thinking wh .c Mollie would say; would it tickle 'lier to the heart to s( e sucli a fine big love letter ? and would she write such a one to nu;, orw^ould it he a modest little piece of feminine lovliness. j.)re- sently her brother came in sat down Avith some more." of his clique, and began talking very low aiid indistinct, ^^; hen I be- gan to comprehend what was going on, for diev had be^n whispering very low, \|Jn[en suddenly they all got iipdfid walk- ed out of the house, giving me am ther suspicious look. .i-. though to tell me of what was going to be done, I imn- ly followed them out and told the lad that I had condurita not to send the note to Mollie. that it might not be agreeable with her, and I did not want to impose myself upon any one un^-ss \5 I knew for cer Lain, or, unless L had soaie^'beiler lighi; IjJc he declared it would all be right enoug'h; but'd still persisted in havincr it in my possession; bjt 'it vvci^ all in vain, tlie crowd ot boys were gathering aiojnd lis -as thick as gnats around the mouth' ot an alligator, the congregation v»;"a;.s about to disband, and all the whole Church ot ''Zion ' would takea part, or else look upon the scene with wonder and asxonishment." What \\'as 1 to do ? 1 had got my foot in a sling, and how was 1 to extricate it, 1 told him to give it tu m«rf, and 1 would give it tu her, but 1 might as well to have talkea to the clouds, the boys (or demons)' were telling him to * stickto it" "keep it lor future reference," ''don't you give it up,'' '' hang to 'er.'' By ihis time he had taken it from his pocket in order to transler it to one of the others, 1 made a grab for it, but one of the iniernal infamous, io-nominious hounds, snatched it irom his hand and made his exit into a thicket close by. Great Czars inaria : dont tickle my chin so ! war'nt it fun for them though ? but i didn't use that kind, I felt like-l had had the gi'eat -bird oi Amarican liberty right by the end of the tail, 'and' il'had Hov, n from me in all its proud glory, like Fritz's hee;- ven I vants him, breaches for him, ant i pe cot tarn it, he ish not dare too. but that was hot all. But kind fortune, one'' consolation amid all these difficities; whether th(^ e!\ft'ogra[Jhy- was the cause' or whether their noggins were not capable of expounding its meaning; 1 c6i/ld hot- tell; but they did not get mnch satisfac- tion out bfitrbilitth^y tried most vvondertully hard, to get my Jewish proclivities 'roused — but 1 was tcodeeplyihtercsted in something else; and beside, 1 knew too well, that they were just trying toTorce a little more fun out of me, than 1 was iii a humor td let 'go. 'Yes iiTdeed, I was to deeply involved in the thouphts of Mollis— what would she say? would she brave ihe confusion that had been" ihVust upon us ? or' would -she scorn me for thus bringing ^uch vague interruption u[)on her? er was I to blame ? or was some one else ? or who ? or 'what vvris to'bedone? Oh! oh! phew! phew! what destruction; and right in the deepest of 'my agonies, who must come in but the < Id ''Sea' boss;'* — her'greiat bigdad— touk a seat not far Irom me i6 aad commencing something in the way of fixing up some of his books; when he was about to leave the house, some of them told him to read the letter that they had confiscated; but fortunately he had "left his specks to home," and said he could not read it, how I did think of something to do — how I prayed for '*the mountains to fall upon me, and hide me," from the hideous monster now before me, it was getting late, and the crov.d was gathering 'roimd the door like "niggcs" at a dog nghr; they were gcttin or anxious to see the end, and was telling one another, and chee-hee-en, and ha-ha-en as though some of them were getting a real feast out of it. But just as they were enjoying it to the delight of their very souls, "old Jeff/' come walking up, and in his loud clarion voice said; "hand him that thing, ''they tried to refuse him; but he might as well tried to resist the Mexican giant, for he said "hand me that," he reluctantly handed him the article — he then handed it to me and said; "there take ihat and — ," well 1 will not sav what the old hulk said then; but after I took it he said, "if he ever heard anymore of me a scribbling to one of his girls, again, he would give me a good booting." Oh ye demons of eternal darkness, who ruleth the evil of man, deliver me from thy presence, and never allow me to meet such again; snakee, and subsequent serpents, uncoil thy self fi-om the force thou hast taken upon me, take your daughters, and give mv freedom and liberty to me ! I took the insignificant, dod drated thing — and tore it into liggets — but who was to blame — I could not tell — how was I to be avenged? the old "sea hoss," was oat of reason, as one blow from his comparative "hog head" fist, would burst me like an egg under the foot of an elephant, and it was no use trying to get even with him — I could do nothtingbut "bear and grin." But I was |not satisfied with such — I could see Miss Mollie no more, because I rould not look at her without thinking of how fearfull I had done; no I could look into her lovely innocent eyes, and not dare speak to her; no I must get up and be away to some other countrj^and distant land, to seek salvation for this miserable woe; as 1 had often done before; to forget this terifying difficulty. So then r; there was son^e place to he saught out to go to, but 1 wa? j;ot long in hndlng somx;* place to go, and some one to go with lor there was in tiie neigliDorhcod a company preparing to take a long journey into the \\esi — fortunately lor nie, there was one man in the company wiio stood in great need ol a horse, and 1 haviiig as good a horse hs ever was formed into a quadruped was quckly sougitt for, as soon as they found I would be willing to go, terms were soon settled upon, and ere long we set to work, preparing to get ready for our journey, but I must relate one little occuran»*e. that took place before we started upon our traveling tour, towards the western world, and to seek' our destiny in a land so far away. The fellow that I hadcov-' enauted with to "go west,'' was a kind of a puny witted man, and had a wife with pcc^r htalth, htnce his idea lor going to the mountains; and he had a fellow staying with hmi, in fact htf" was his brotherinlaw, and 'tis useless to tell his name, except as we all called him "Big Bill." Well 'tis useless to try lo give a desscription of him, or to tell how hard he was, for he was one that had no equal — nor had he ever been fathomed. But however we had some fixing to do, and our partner could nut well leave his family, so me and "Big Bill'' had it all to do ou) selves, so we had to go to the railroad station of J to get.our horses shod, and some other things needfui, and on our return, four or five niilee from home, 'Big Biij'' had an appointment out, which he had to stop and see how things were going; we stopped, threw down the lines, and walked up to the house, with as much deliberation as a Doctor going to make a collection, when we went in, there sat a great lig tine young lawyer, reared hack and talking as loud as if he were pleading a rase at the bar; but when we entered the cab- in, he began to cool down a little, and began making excuses, and pretending to want to buy the old lady's cow; well she would hardly be called a lady either — but you see lawyers w^i.l 'di'X the "yaller dog,'' and that was what he called her, perhaps many persons who may see this book, may probably know him by name, but 1 shall only call him lawyer G., But Big Bi r knew the gent and knew that he did not 'want any cow, and told him to be getting out of there, he tried to make some excuse, ail siii that him and the old *'lady'' could not agree upon the price of the cow, that he wanted to buy, but "Big Bill" told him that he didn't want any cow,aiid besides, he had better be getting out of there, if he wanted to keep his head sound; he appeared to be a Httle stubborn; but "Big^Bill" tokl me to come and we would fix him, he made for the door, 1 had done as ordered toby Big Bill, and made a lick at him, and knocked off his hat, and by Big Bill coming closelj a^tei as lawyer G.,bent over to pick up his hat, Big bih ga\e Liir. a blow with the toe of his ponderous boot, which sent him irav - eling on all four of his protuding extremeties, I made another attempt to follow him, but I was too late^ he .had got pretty well straightened, and as 1 run at him my toe hit his hat ana threw it into the weeds, and he made one more trial to get it; but I let him have it in about the same kcaiity tiiat Big Bill had proffered him one before, and that sent him riding down corn woi se ihan a hungry sow. this t'nie he wenf on hh wa> re- joicing, he got farther into the cornfield and cleared himself, during i;%hith time we heard a trcmcndious racket, and the hr^t thing we ki ew our team was a cross the cre'!k, and if ever you heard wagon wheels , horse shoes, and old chains rattle over Hme stone, yen could heard it then, it wen; like the rattling o; ten thousmd bridges falling together, and like the four wir^s or* the win j had all come together and were up . rooting every trjc i\:\) h:i\:. still th iy vveat rattls-.te.i-haag Over lim .r.stontr.s. fence railp, woodpiles. and plank fences, but however, we could do nothing but go back and raise the eld Harry; because the folks were a 3 ma i as hornets because we had aiTruntcd tlieir "bi '• bug'* ia^^ ycr, but we told them that we "was runriin* that thing, and didn't want stock dealers^ there no how, and therefore w : didn^t intend to have any ihere either.* But ue stayed till about midnight, and I would like to tell ; ou what kind of a time we hai; but will not for fear you might liiink that I was exaggera- ting, so finally after we had threw the old gander dovvn the chimney, and singed the old spotted cat's hair all off her body, and thr.^w the old yellow dorg head formost into th^ w-ll. and, '9. several other things of like cesperation, as well as to done cvcvy\ time that it was not our u rut .and made ever}- girl mad as a news boy when he sells the iiKst dcily, and left old Betsy's habitation in a kind cf dilapidated cord ticn» we siaitec to fine our team. We Icund tbtm about three miles on our way home, where a friend oiours had stopped them, and kindly unhitched them, and tied them jp for us till we might come along; luckily for us, be. had le~t them near enough to the road as to be easily found, for it w \s as dark as the lorlorn side of misfortune; but we managed 13 ge. ch'i.n -n oder and started out for home; bat we had to ^o pas. ih< blacksiii th-shop to leave our wagon, to have it mended; we SvXceeded in getting it to the shop — but it was about thre^ in tbi iRorning, and we did not want old >olomon, — the suiitli — - to think we were so early, and so we left our wagon there^ an 1 then there were something else tQ be done, there we had tw:? phairs to carry, for we did not want old Solomon to know wh^re we had l)een, and vre knew that if we left the chairs in the wagon, he would be sure to suspision where we had been. So Bill took one, and 1 the other; then there were several oth- er ariicles to be taken; such as a few rolls of goods; a bag wiih sugar and rofTec; soda.coal oil, powder and niany other articles' necessary lo the household and. kitchen comfort. anv. n d^-ar M( tlier, and f(^lr this entotion; have you evf r witnessed this s( on(\ and seen \our dear mother, sh.ed tlio^e t( ais ol alkciioii h r lu r 22 departing son; if you ever have you probably can feel and syni- pathize with me here, I had taken trips before, and traveled by my self, but neve> before had 1 felt such a rising sensation, as when I threw my valise over my shoulder, to start, my brother accompanied me to our friend's house, where my folks were all assembled to see me off — to see me start upon the long journey, to take the parting hand, and bid me a last iarevvell. 'I here was not much sleeping done there, in that cabin that night, for Big Bill's brother was there with a fiddle, and my cous.ns as w^ell as myself,and other brothers and sisters, and all together kept up a continual racket almost the whole night long. But, alasi the day has arrived and now for it. We got to work fix- ino- for t'ii^. buisness, Jim the head of the house or old provi- der ?.s Bill used to call him, was naturally a little excitable and everything was out of place with him, he run here and therc\ and while he was hunting around he found his coat where some creese had made a bed of it and that put him into a fit of vexa- tion, let us get ready quick; Bilbhitcli oldjule; hok by dogg\ , lets get ready quick or by doggy them there men will give us out, and then *'ia\\s-a-mercy, we'll have to go by our selves." but thought 1 old fellow if I was out of this snap, I'd be mighty, careful how I undertook another. But it was too late, 1 had made the brake, and must stick to it like a " '])osum to a hen roost,'' we got every thing ready and now was the trvin>;- jiart I felt as though every, friend on earth was gone, and never to be seen again. Many were the kind words of advice, wise sug- gestions and warnings of many kind,- given me by my sis- ters, and friends — iome of them would say, now brother, you tnust bs careful with pourself and not let the Indians take }ou, be careful with your money, yourself and yotir horse; take o-ood care of your health and not get sick, and one of my sisters who was alw^ays eJctra careful in her admonitions, and carefi 1 cautions told me, now brother you must be cautious about your travels, and not do any rude tricks, like you are always oettiug into, and beside all others do not do any "green," tri ks as so many young lads are a[)t to get into, in strange towns and cities, and strange coim tries; and be careful not'to have any tales come back w^th you' for you know Ivnv young boys are apt V\ get into, such and many other words, of advice 'and cautK^n were given, and they all seemed to be sincerily interested in my wellfare, as I was going to take an unusual long journey; and one thing made them more earnest about it, I was .i^oing t<> travel in a far distant lan^l, where redskins were said to be as plenty as maggots in a cheese box. or toads in a mudhole. ami now, we must go; we had a wonderful bad road to commece with: it was very bad indeed; mudy and hilly and owing totlit- runaway that our horses had had, I had to change horse.< with my fatlier, and his horse was not as true as he could have Iceii and we had a pretty trying job to get along— ny brother went with us a few miles, and then we proceeded on our way alone; we made it to our destiny appointed to meet our companv Mud then; oh! how 1 regreted the time I had left my own parental roof; how I began to wish that I had my " 'fossum hack," many times would my mind fioatback to that dear old home where so ma.iy happy da) s I had scpjandered, I thought how- kind mv dear old aged parents had been to me. and how bru- tally 1 was treating diem without a cause, and had brought all this agony upon myself and kind parents, and dear sisters U>r nothing but mere foolishness; I thought how kind and atten- tive my parents had always been to me,and how' I would mis-> them, if by chance I should fall a vicdm to some ravaging de- sease. 1 thought of the tears my parents had shed when 1 bid farew^ell. I then thought how kind and tenrierly they ha-est, I thought h.ow^ often niy sisters had betn so will- ing to wait on me in any litde spell of sickness, how they had (n^en wept for me because I was only a little ilhand many otlier things presented themselves to my mis( rable j( tlini's. which have long since faded Worn my memor)-; and 1 reckon \()u think why didn't I let it all go together; but I eruld not. but while filled wdth such remorse, I fell into a deep and profound loTp and this ended my awful feeh'ngs f*;r n time, and being <■ n 24 fatigued remained in the arms of sweet morpheas; and while slumber was weaving its fancy pictures upon my weary form, I was wafted away at a rapid rate untill that glorious orb chas- ed darkness from the earth; and now the thing must still be done; it must be continued on. When we got ready to start on next morning, we found our crowd read/, and now we was all ready to roll wheels together. We mirshallcl our clan and stretched our train toward the Westera World. At St. J — , we met some more of our crowd; some 15 or 20 young ineii were in the crowd, and some 8 or 10 famlies, besides ourselves, and those young fellows thought that they was as brave a set of men, as ever stood upon the banks of the "Big Muddy. ' We stopped a while in the city to recruit up a little, and I would like tell you of some scrapes that 1 and Big Bill got into but for the reason that it would occupy too much space, and besides Tom might probably find it out, and then it would busrt me and my little expectation, into the deep recesses of eterni- ty. But nevertheless, we had a most rattling good time of it during our vsojourn in the city, but time traveled speedily, and it was not long till it warned us. that we had to make anoth(-r sweep for our tour, with bold though sad stricken hearts, for mine though great, was not the only one in the crowd, we Sf*t out upon our far western journey; to seek our fate in a distant land, to try our hand on the wild rough rocks, and dive into 'hidden misteries of the wonders of the itiountain caves and cliffs. We had not proceeded far on our journey, when we come into a settlement of Potawottama Indmns. alth(Hi);;h w^ had not got entirly out of the white settlement, we did not knov hut these Indians were hostile, we had heard many tales of bloodv deeds, and unuierciful carnage^s perpetrated by the scalp seeking villains, and began to feel as thouij^h we Vver^^ entering into a land ^here extra care siiould be taken to prt:- serve our upper extremities. Meanwhile we carrelled 01 r wag- ons near one of their plantations, and was preparing tocnnip for the evening; we had to gel water from tlieir well, and .some of the boys had w'^'nt up and o^ot some vvatei* but it was net lit for Indians to use, much less civilized whites; but our youn <; lads were a frai'l to sav anvtliine- about it, lest th(? " r"'-" might get mad at the whiles and attempt a war or may lio massacree and slaughter our whole crew, but presently it come for I and Big Bill to go for water; we went up and asked the old gentleman Indian, if he would be so accommodating as to allow us the privilege to partake of his fountain of fresh pui-e water; lie feeling himself flattered a little, told us to help our- selves as long as there w?s a drop in the well, and struck out lo go off somewhere, I don't know where, and perhaps you think 'tis no difference where; but before we got our water some of the young Indian bucks had gathered around the well and some more of our bo)'s had come for more water, and was drawinof it when I remarked to Bill that there w^as somethinp" u\ the water, and on exammation we found hair, feathers, rags squirrel skins, and the Lord only knows what we didn't find m the water, and that set l^ill right off on the start, he looked at one of the bucks and said what on God's earth have you had in your well, the young brave not liking such a salute, told him that they had not had anything in die well at all, and if he did- n't h'ke that water to "puckachee," but Bill was not so easy lo be cut off in such away and said "I'll be gosh danged old feller if you don't want this bucket of slop in your face you had bet- ter shut u[) your gab, you gosh danged no'countonry redscoun- drel," you may think you know something about how these young lads of ours were scared, and them being scared so bad. mi le theyoimg l^otavvott ima more milling to show his boldnei-t.s he made one spring towards Bill and"ugh — egh"he weni as B 11 SA^abbed him from head to foot, with the water he stili held in the bucket, this would have set the whole to thingin' of t'ero- cious* battle, had it not been fof the old Indian conung up, jusi in time to stop- his young brave sons from their desperate wrath. *Bjt we threw o jr water all out, and tlicn the qu(s tion was what would th<'. Indians do, we had raised i[ with them, and we krlew they was mad as hornets, and would bt* like- ly to seek revenge it lliey was like their red brothers, that we had read ab )ut — they would steal u])on us, like a steaitlu' woji, in oiu" shunber and drivi; llieir tomahawks into our senses, ai.d draw tiieir scalping knives across our to|.)hots,or else thev might gather u[), and surr;>un I our c !in[). and >huot u.sdo\\non<' by one, or take us all captives and then you all know what miglit be expected; scarcely had we come to our earnestest studies when we saw a wagon with as many dusky looking monsters as could hang on to it, and every one of them yelping duvl yell- ing like mad wolves; they come rolling and rattling as fast as their animals could draw them, till they got opposite our camp,' and near to it as they could without leaving the road, stopped suddenly when one of them jumped out and started back and called out, loud as he could yell: "Now boys be sure yo.. gt . everything ready, and don't forget to get 2 barrels of powder, and 2 barrels of sugar, and 2 barrels of whiskey, and 10 doub- le barrelled shot guns, and I'll have everything ready.' The great skulls of Glogotha! if ever you seen a set of scared chaps it was right there; they all turned white as my old hat, some of them groaned pitifully, others sighed deeply; but what -was tJ be done? the town was but a few miles away, where they are supposed to be going, to lay in their murdrous provisions. But would they come soon as read or would they wait till late in the night, so to to more coii.^ '\y surprise us.'^ or how would we make our escape? to loa.l u^ .^ id pull out was suggested by more than one, but was oppose by some; on account tliat we might run right in upon them, others would say that we could stand them off, others would say, there was enough reds to whip a whole regiment, and Big Bill said he be gosh danged, if Ite got a lick at that feller, that he had baptized, he would res- urect him, and make him over again; and 1 said nothing about it; because I knew that if we were in a land where wild savages wasjple.nty, that we would all be captured and probably scalped but i did not really think that we had got so far out as to.b^ ;n the midst of savages yet, and endeavored to appear brave as possible, under such uncertain circumsta.nces. But however, fortunately for us, the young brigades that evidently had sec out for some brave intentions, were so highly interupted. they decided on having revenge, fell to drinking, and determined to fill themselves, perhaps got too much of the cverdestro) ing material down them. Though not an eye in our company was closed that night, rot the sound of a living being was heard; but when we arrived at the little village, we heard that thev had been there, and had got too drunk to leave town, and so we proceeded upon our course, without bein^ molested by any one for a time, we had now got far upon the broad [plains, and was begining to forget our fright about the water, where every thing began to look more interesting than ever. We was not in tempted by anything particular, and was fast advancing up; n the frountiers, where the primeval forest, streached toward the boundless wdlderness — where the wigwam fire fumes and its flames, and smoke had not ceased their curling fliglts among the mighty boughs of the lofty pines; before the framing hand of civilization had constructed to any great degree its fertile soil into fields and meadows of horticultural beauty — where the rude barbarianism were slowly fading in the dying embers of hostility, and plunder. Yes we was far into the wild western world, and I began to make some preliminary' speculatons of my future anticipations. It was a lovly evening, and I for a little change of exercise from riding in the wagon, had taken a walk a few hundred paces beliind the train, when many fancy visions began to present themselves to my imaginations; I was something like 3 or 4 hundred yards behind, w^alking upon a railroad that traversed our course, I saw a head of me a place, where it made a cut through a rise in the distance; there was a lad about 12, with me, we were walking along saying nothiin: to each other, while I was*conjuring up within my own mind what bright prospects awaited me in the future, 1 could see my self, runing anjong the wild rocks hunting the precious meinl that had already gladened the hearts of so many bold seekers, and now was I not as liable to do likewise, 1 had already ad- vanced so far as to make my pile and return to my native land, in my imaginations, and there to meet my old friends and ac quaintances and relatives, a rich and noble man — agoldspti- ulator, oh;what happy thoughts; I could imagine the pleasures I would have, I would not have to be writing to girls; no they would swarm around me like buzzards round an old dead she( i» because I was rich, had been away ''ivesi" liad "}ouj;;ht" tlit? "wolves" and the ^'Indians ' and made a fortune, and cone back to spend it on some pretty girl, but who would that v.Mri be/ Ah! I could imagine Mollie would call upon ne T^ud Tali v.\A}n her bend^^d knees, and beg sincerly for pardon, and beseech nie to allow her at best to be my Hush ! hark ! what do 1 hear? bang, bang,poel on peel, went up like many thousand pieces of artillery, being all discharged in an instant, fire, fire; and still the roaring of shotguns', spencer-rifles, muskets, buldozers, 22 pistols, and every instrument that could be made use of; was now put into service, I could almost hear the cries, shreeks groans, and prayers of our brave hero band, as they held in tu- niultuous contest, and stood them at bay, and I could imagine 1 heard those yelps and yells of the great red braves, as the)- ap- peared to be dealing death in a dreadful manner, and '"VVah — hpo,'' seemed to strike into my ear as I rusher) to the spot and then what do you think 1 saw ? a poor little didipper was lying in the edge of a puddle, shot into atoms; the boys were either trying their weapons, or else playing bully, I did not know which but the powder they burnt on that creature was larger than the duck bv double its size. So I beo^an to thmk ihat there was not an Indian on the plains; however we gut. near the destination of some of our crew, when the whole party bursted, and every man took his own course, Bill had stopj)ed far back on the road at a stock ranch, and I and the man 1 had started with was lelt alone, far away from civilization, no one near, oh what a lovely place; nothing to be seen but the wild fleeting wolf and the fugitive antelope; accasionally a herd of buffalos would come in sight, away in the distance, which we could vscarcely tellfVom Indians. No wood, no water, no (td^td for our poor horses, save what little time they got to gnaw rht- earth for a little buftalo grass, which was not- longer than tlie liair on a sheep's n@se. While we was thus plodding upon our lonely wa}',and viewing the gloomy retros[).:!ction now before us we was again aroused to our utter conscienciousness. jim was walking behind the wagon, and 1 driving, he discovered a group in the distance which looked Tike men on horses, he crazed witii intent eameslness upon the group, which seemed to be n«'a ing us very rapidly, he tiien come around and told me that it cer- tainly was "engines" I told him I thought it was buffalos. but they drew nearer and finely they c(jme on toj> of a rise in ilie flistance which showed |,)lcun]\' that it was men oi some dc\sci*ip 29 tioii my old black coat and call jo britches, how" / felt when Jim come round in i'rQnt with his old broad brimed hat in his hand and said **it is engines by dDggy its engines,*' now lor it; to get oat of signt was then imposioie, I felt like the 4 ends of creation were about to fall together upon us, and crusn us in to eteruity. i heard Jim behind the wagon cftcidng up his mightiest solemn supplications, and begging for Massa's sakc;i ah! my old provider of everything thais good, i have lost my scalp at last, but for massa sakes do provide aonie chance iur Lace and her poor children. 1 might a knowcd beti er n to come away here in this land of engines, but its too late to sqUv^al now, but oh! have mercy on me for/ did steal that sack of hog's joles and a sack of shorts, right out of old barn's smoke house and he suffered for it, but I'll not do it any more, so 1 won't; don't let them engines ride ole Jule too much, and oh how i wisht I was back on ole grand river, where engines is not there take care of Luce and Dave an' Susie an' Billy, an' ah — uli — eh here they come onto us now right here/' A litde closer and we discovered that they were white men, hunting butfalos. 1^*0 >f Jun; if ev^er you seen a happy man on the broad plains it was him;he jumped higher than a rooster with his head oli, yell- ed louder than an alligator hunting for a dead negro; slapped his hands loader than a rattle-trap, laughed louder than a negro at a coonfight, and cut more capers than a gander in a hogpen 1 could laugh at his delight myself, because I could not neip but feel a little pleased myself. Now, as 1 have toid you 3 Indian tales, and only one of them had an Indian in 11, perhaps you are getting tired of Indian tales; but this is my last with them now. We traveled on without any more difficulty until we reached our place appointed to stop awhile, we stopped there and Luce as Jim called her, poor woman, her desease was too much for her strength, and her trip was too long and fatiguing to surmount its hardships, and three days later the poor woman was brone away into that land where her soul no sorrow knoWeth. Then I must take my course alone, for Jim and his three children had to stay at his brother-in-laws, and 1 must seek my destiny as best I could; I traded my horse and harness to a book ag^ent for a watch, and took my cotrse alone, V^-v •'0 I have already told you enough times, how I felt, and now was as deep a time as I had ever experienced; notwithstanding the hardships I had already underwent, I proceeded; and came to a ranch about 4 miles from where I had bid my friend adieu, stopped and vs^ent into the yard, there was some men fixing up to start back to the very same country where 6 weeks before I had started from, I endeavored to get into their company, but could not make the "riffle, "they would have taken me quick e- nough if their convenience would admitted, but it would nol. so I was left out, but while w^e were talking the boss of the rancii came out and told me to come in and have dinner; niggers and nutmegs ! how that surprised me, to know that he wassonuich of a man, but here let me say if ever you should visit the Es- land Ranch, Elbert Co, Colo., yiui will be a[jt to meet 2 as kind hearted men as ever graced che sands of Colo. Whose names are France, and Alexandria J udy;for here was a time to test their kindnesvs — for I was a stranger and they took mc in, I was hungry and they fed me," on buffalo, antelope, jack rab- bits, beef, and 'taters, one whole lo ig winter for no pay, nor would they charge me a cent — nothing but what little clioring they had to do, wdiich was nothing compared to a winter's fare in that place. 1 stayed there until the latter part ol winter, when Alex, was ijfoini'" back east, "near mv old home, and sxid he would take me free of charge, if 1 desired to go. Altlio^igli regreting to leave my new fri'^nds, 1 thankfullyj accepted his kind offer, and one hne morning in February, we werr sailing down the eastern.sk)|)e of Colorado. i\othi*ig disturbed om* ride for several hundred miles. We liad been on the train a- bout three days, when one evening a new Conductor entered the train, to take up his duty— receiving txkets and larc — when he 'came around and called for my ticket,'! told him thai I had a pass. He a^:ed w^hat kind of a pass. 1 told him I had a cow-pass, and if he knew^ what a "pass ' was. he knew what kind it was. He said they didn't take any parses (ni that train, and told me to get off at the next station. I loldhim that 1 would stay dn 'as long as thei^-(^ wa'^ a wheel on her track, lie then brought the brakesman' and told him to nut mv. off. 1 reached Iround beside me. and drew out mvold "coa ri'"ai!d tolcJ him if he wanted to smell burnt powder, or hear bullets sing, or caps burst, to go ahead. By this time Alex, came and told the Conductor that h'^ had obtained the pass from the I'-on- eral agent, for the amount of stock he shipped, and, squashed it. Now, what d'ye say? I say so too : Three leather tea ket- tles, two gauze bellows, one cahco hog trough— drive my nose into my head will ye ? ^3t§(o)§ig^ CHAPTER TH. JIj/ Gal Tom, or Mary Ana's Letter, Air — Good bye, Yon^re bu!<(ed My Pnfr. Now pleasure and happiness to me once more, My sorrow has ceased— I suffer no more ; Hov% happy and contented will I become, When I have conquored my own d ;ar Tom. » But, ob I what troubles arp. yet in store, For those who imagine that theirs are all o'er , But »'ow 'tis done, ray heart is dead, And you might just as well l)lo\v off ray head '. Bii.lv T.AD-roLJC. Now reader, what do you say al)out it anyhow, I mean what I. have told in the two preceeding chapters, I think 1 know what you think, it must be improved before you give it much more attention, I will promise, after this chapter is completed, to trv and do better. But cannot give much in the way of interest until it is, this is a clearing of conscience, in order to give you a clean sweep when I get there you see. You recollect Mollis; don't you ? 1 guess you ought, tlie little (jueen, weil what do you think I found out when I got hack again ? I found ijii- what ever you would be a mind lo call him. And oM SoL bought them a piece {)( linie ro«'ks, <,>ld logs, frogs |>onrls, Imu^Ii hollors, and jack oak bushes on a credit, and owes for it yet 1 guess, and so that ended it with nie and Mollie, but it didn't stay ended. No, would to the great master that it had ended It, me, or something else, but no; i must aivvay be tormented with that wonderful punishment from wnich none canbedehv- ered, that horrifying torture that jiOiic can lu^ii, i»d.vo tii^^c uiat are pierced with cupids painful arrow. Well 1 wasgt;tcmg prci- ty well broken off irom the thoughts of Aioiiie, vviicii one of my nieces, wanted me to go with them to a little hoe-down, m the village, in which my brother lived, 1 was always ready to go with them, because they was in a croud of good compaijy, and we was off to our old friend Seer's to see tiiem nave a trolic, it had not proceeded far, until I happened to see ti iutie girl dancing with a great big black-smith, and oh Mol \ Oh how I did shiver from my toe nails to my top-not. 1 was determined to make that gal's acquaintance, 1 tried every known remedy,! told two girls that if they would tame that girl for me, I would buy them more candy than would give a turkey buzzard the dyspepsia, and they told her mamma what I said^ and I don t know what she said, but every body in town was talking, and telling her mama what 1 had said, and what I hadn't said and what 1 wouldn't say, and what I never said, and kept it up un- til they had her so mad, she wouldn't let me speak to her lit- tle ''lorn" girl; whether Tom was her real name, or whether it was a derivative of some fictitious name, 1 am unable to tell but they call her Tom any how, and that name to-day, though hundreds of miles away, and may never see them charming dark eyes, them beautiful curls, that sweet little chubby maiden, that name strikes like a rising sensational feeling, that heaves in my massive chest, like a great gorge of ice, breaking up some frozen stream. Yes, long did 1 try in vain, to get an op- pertunity or something of the kind, just any way to find out if 1 could have any thing to say to her, but could do nothing, or say nothing, because I had done just like I always did when 1 found one that I was smitten about, I always done some fool trick to spoil it, well I done it this time any how; I'll tell you some time what it was. but must go ahead and tell how badly I got stuck about her first. 1 had a little niece, about her size ani I woald get Rosa to get " roai" to come to my sister's house. I id tlitji Vd steal a little courting, out of her by piect' uicals, uiuii I got to loving her as dear as I could love any oir: on earth, and I would buy her doll babies and such play tnui-.^ as she wanted. Oh mercy on me liuw 1 loved iiun. liule one; pe.naps, you thmk me more of a lool than ari\ thnig el^e, JON/ing such a htde vrirl a^ that, but she was not as litde . as I luiVvj made her out; tis true she was small, when I hrst saw her Lnjt .she grew into a goc>d size girl before 1 spoiled it. She was beautiful, and 1 tnought 1 couid persuade her to like me u I was let alone, but 1 wasn't; for everybody had some liuig co do, or say; som« would tell her to not have anything to say U) me, some would tell things that 1 had not said, some this, s >in.' that, tattling and telling lies, sneering, aiid everytiun^, au 1 any thing, that could be done, was done to work: agaiij.->L u] : a.id iiiy i ouL oh! if yhackl«foote) eye wont to c u sow bad. eve wiize thinkine.how bad iyed lyke toe sea ewe tyll i thoyt led wriglit tow ^■ew'aund cea if 1 kiddent heere frum eaw. Yue wrougte at yu wannted two teell mea 80umi.then.:awnd «^atyinn donjrh yeon kiii wryrfet ite tPon mev. (.nip- t tryeiv wylle reanddI^^^^" n\uiK^ (lolhnzc wil i)U> ( uinc i>i>uirti\vn thaiTt' aiuiile t>pvii\y iVnjrj^lit iitV vriiU' he wvhto Yeuj^li ov'vh' pmt thee hed^ikt". (iracious goodness; i fi'll down and rojicd over, iikc a lioi'sc with tiic colic; i groaned like a woman dymg w nl» nj(.>i]iaLhe; drew my bread\ hke a iocomouve trying Lo rim over a soaped track ; sweated like a negro in a hemp jxilch ; |.)anted like a do):^ 111 ia) - mg tne old satan, and trying hlcli n little '*dust" out <>{ m< . i\ow you want to know what 1 done. \ ou know tliat 1 was pretty apt to do something, and 1 fancied myseli" a.s shrew in the way ot trickeries as any ot my ww)uld-be beaters ; so I fixe«l up a le.ter right off, and sent it to the one I thought had 't' .Nywne Dollars, and ehar^re it to the 8heep-Thief CompanVj and lliia sliall It yuur recei{)t. tSi}j;ne President. David C Vice President 1 also hxed up a small note and put in, then I wrote a U tier of which the following is a part : 3/.V Dmr Mary Aun D'.niskiu : — How like the fiUigt< of the tSerpent, tjjc hic.ttli ot the aiJx;zes aiid h/ZM,-, likr u nod- titnde of bees in a tar bucket. ^ (Uir cye.s arc fair and w bite as tlie 'ranshirma' tion of a rabbit, by the rna.->Mlir;i tion weet as a rotten paw^taw, and looks as nict* as a def< net ovster. ^'our.Acne ibaschurm ifm as the last sound (d" tlie dinner lioru. Your form as beautiful as an old .-wax biickewte buscu't, or risen bread with }mm]ikin ou ii ; ves. your are better than loa.-in' ears eabbaire sonp, roast "cdon." baked Vos sum. M \ve«l mnsh-rooms t ion iu iinniher j'ln- e. SHOW ON HOG CCEKK, ^ HOW TO OUT A MAN'S HEAD OFF AM) PUT JT ON A PUATTFH. Air:— Eh, daf watch milieu GuL Tlie art of magic it au.v i» here And I must seek some j)lan And to make myself jiieai I don't fear. Myself, to play my own haiul. The water melor s art comii!*: jji, AndJiHumpteouK times uiih liit?m are had; But oh ! that they had never been, To make me feel so very bad . Chorus, Oh, Dot (tallenhtek. I had concluded to give you a mucli longer liistory of m\' youthful unhappiness, before entering upon my long and sor- rowful life and seclusion in the back- woods of Arkansas, ^^nd, have concluded to give you some of my uufori^,n