<-^ii?^^^^m(imi!i. 'mmt'ssm'-z; ^^^'^^^^^■'^^■^^^^K^^^BJ' ^IB? -^ ^^ '^B' ''«<' ^«5' ^^^ ■3»' N-5>' N^/- '^s^ ■^'^fci^J LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. i\ UNITED STATES OP AMERICA. J ^A^^A^I f^fif^kkr mfm^f^rrmm< nm A«A^^^OA .^^Aft^^^WftAAAf ..p^'^p^Cf'-'''"' %^h,K ,AA^^AOWm ^wwTwnrv ■f^rm '^ftf^rrC^ ^^rr^^^^^ CfTiAft^ftf «ft«fl»a. Ar^Af^^^>',^'' iMRHh^KHSfli Ma/^mk, I'rr^r^^^^ '^r^rf^ 'f^f^r f^m^f^ ^flffif ^^rr!lf^^i^^ ^^fmmmfmrmpmfn^ S^^f^AAOA^' \WAa« Wm#W ^AA/^.A, . . ./^AA./^/^<^r^C:^05,c^A. :a^, r oim^^©sr ^ A COJMEDX, IN TWO ACTS. AS PERFORMED Al THE new-yokk: A^\y DRuii lane/thea TRES / MEW-YORK: j :printed and publishb^ at the Circulating Library and Dramatic Repository, NO. 4 CHAMBER-STkEET, U2^ ? <>^C., r DRAMATib PEKSOx\^ DRURY-LANE. Mr. SimpsoR Mr Terry Bromley Cooper Foster, Willmott Servant, Honner Mrs Simpson, ' -Mrs Qlover Bromley, ^'vison Fitzallan, - W. ^-. idaraeia Trappc, Orger. SIMPSON & CO. ACT I.— SCENE I. ^Handsome apartment in the House of Simpson fif Ce. Simpson discovered at a table^ writing. Simp, {laying down his pen.) Ought I to pur- 306 this adyenture ? If I proceed, the destruc- tion of my wife's happiness, and ray own, raay— - psha t under my assumed name of Capt. Wal- singham, what have 1 to fear ? I'll finish my letter, though, like the others, it may be re- turned, or unnoticed. {Writes ) " And rely on the entire and eternal devotion of your adorer, Charles Walsingham, New Hummums." (Fo/rf- ing it) Charles Simpson, of Mincing-lane, mer- chant, partner in the house of Simpson & Co. and married, transformed into Captain Walsing- ham ! {directing the letter.) " To Mrs. Fitz- allan, Harley Street." {seals it.) There ! {rises and comes forward.) There's a fatality in this wild adventure ! Charmed by a beauty iu an opera box, 1 dog her carriage, and learn that she is a Mrs, Fitzallan, widow of an officer lately dead in India. Under pretext of arrang- ing some business for her, in which I find she is concerned with the India Company, I call on this Mrs. Fitzallan ; am cursed coldly received by Mrs. Fitzallan ; call again, and am com- pletely cut by Mrs. Fitzallan ; make my bow, and resolve to think no more of Mrs. Fitzallan ; 4 srMPSON & CO. [Anon. stroll into the exhibition, and the first portrait I see is that of the iovely, lovely, Mrs. Fitzallan ! I contrive to get a miniature copy of the portrait and conceal it by a secret slide in my pocket- book. [Pulls out the pocket-booky and coniem- plates the portrait.) 'Twas rash ; but who could behold such beauty and — [Kissing the picture.) Enter Foster. Fos. Pray, sir, will yon- Si7n. Hastily closing his pocket-book.^ Well, Foster I (what now ? what's the matter ? Fos. Young Mr, Lovemore is in the counting- house, and desires to know, sir, whether you will advance him the thousand pounds he spoke to you about ? 'Sifn. What ! I ! advance money to enable a married man to supply the extravagancies of a mistress ! Fos. You know, sir, we have consignments on bis account from his estates at St. Domingo to four limes that amount. Sim. That is nothins; to the point, Mr. Fos- ter. However, you may refer him lo my part- ner, Mr. Br mley ; he may find Aimless scru- pulous. [Exit Foster.'\ [Re -opening his packet- book.) What eyes! what a complexion! what expression ! Many a pocket-hook on 'Change is cramm'd with riches ; but where find one that clasps a treasure equal to this ! After all, am I very, very much to blame ? Where is the hus- band who My partner loves his wite dearly ; but spite of his demure looks, and rigorous principles, even he, I'll answer for it, has some little indiscretions that — here he comes — I'll ACT I.] SIMPSON & CO. 5 sound him, and perhaps I may make him a use- ful confidaDt. Enter Bromley. Brom. Gaod news, Simpson, good news ; th« Bank has discounted every shilling of our paper. Sim. Aye, indeed 1 My dear Bromley, I am delighted to hear it. Brom. The firm of Simpson k Co. stands as high as any house in London, and our fcignature is a bank note to the very Bank itself. Have not I always told you that our partnership would be a fortune to us ? Sim. True, true ; and our connexion in com- merce is so natural ; why, we had a kind of rehearsal of our present partnership in very early days. At school, you know — though ihere^ to be sure, you had much the start of me in age, for you were in the highest form when 1 was in the lowest. Brom, Yes ; I left Doctor Thwackum's to be- gin my clerkship, just six months after you come to his academy. Sim. But, though only at Thwackum's to- gether for hdf a-year, you recollect, Bromley, how I made you join me in all my frolicks ; and now, in business Brom. In business, I grant you, our labour* and our profits are pretty equally divided. At school the case was different. I was never a frolicksome boy, and, as you say, considerably your elder ; but, somehow or other, whenever you opened an account of mischief, our master always drew upon my shoulderi for the unsettlei balance of drubbings. a2 SIMPSON & CO. [Anon Sim. Well, in business, at least, we are more exact, and if we are ioriunate, we rno}' fairly boast that we deserve to bo. so. Attentive, industrious Biom. Always looking to the main chance. Sim. Domestic in our tastes. Brom. Economical i ; our habits. Sim. Neither of us run-abouts, nor raen of intrigue. Brom. Faithfully attached to our wives, and lovinii^ them solely and entirely, as they love us. Sim. Inhabiting the same house, in peace and harmony ; not tlie slightest altercation. Brom. Altercation ! your wife is mildness itself; so confiding, too, in your attachment to her. Sim. And your's ! Brom. My wife ? she is a treasure ! but? still for all that— Sim. For all what ? Brom. You know, Simpson, I have no secrets from you ; my wife is a little — Mrs. Bromley is rather too susceptibly on the score of jeal- ousy. Sim. To be plain with you, I have some- times fancied so ; now between ourselves, my dear fellow, have not you given her some cause to ! yes, yes, you have. Brom. What, I ? never. Sim. Now ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! Come, come, Brom- ley, Brom. (^mnth emphasis.) No — now — poz Sifu. Now I like your making a mystery of it to me. Men, you know, are not remaikably ACT I.] SIMPSON & CO. 7 severe towards each other — besides, if you had, where would be the great harm of it ? Brom, A married man ! and ask roe where')* the harm oi it ? Sim. You love your wife I know, and stud}' her happiness ; but vou would not have mo. believe hat when a little ailventure happens to fall in yoar way Brom. Hearkee, Mr. Simpson, a good hus- band never 2;oes where little adventures are likely to fall in his way. Sim. {Aside.) 'Tis lucky I did not trust my secret to him. Brom. My notions of conjugal fidelity are strict- ly moral. A husband, like a merchant, is bound to fulfil his engagements. Mrs. B. in marrying me, drew upon me for my fidelity for life ; I accepted her draft, and 'tis my duty to honour it. Sim. But, unlike bills of exchange, the long- er the date of one's matrimonial engagements, the more difficult they are to provide for. But eno(i2;h ; I knew your sentiments as you are acquainted with mine, and all 1 have just now said to >ou Brom. Was intended as a hoax, perhaps ? Sim. Nothing more. Brom. 1 don't like such hoaxing — No, no ; what I was before marriage, 1 still am ; the sworn enemy to nonsense. I was born for the counting-house and a steady life ; and, even in my youHtfer days, whilst others were gadding about to Vauxhall, and p'ny-houses, and run- ning their heads into all manner of scrapes and 8 SIMPSON k CO. [AnOD. troubles, I was usefully employed in working decimals and calculating exchanges. Sim. Ha ! ha ! ha ! PerhapsJ I never met you on a certain tine summer's evening taking a sentimental ramble along with ■ 3ro. And what then ? She had but juat cotae up with n>e in the fields, and was asking me the way to Islington ; but didn't you step in, like a frit-nd', and whisk her away, assuring me you did it for my good .' But come, let us to the counting-house and answer our Lisbon let- ters. 5m. And after that I'll treat you with a walk to the West End before dinner. Broni. Impossible ; I have business at the custom-house, and you must stay at home to deliver up the securities to Mr. Tradely, who w ill call this morning, as per appointment. You may as well take them at once ; here they are. [Gives papers to Simpson.] Siai. Very well ; Mr. Tradely's securities ; there they are, safe, 'til he calls. [Puts them m- t4) his pocket-book.] Bro. By the bye, your treat with a walk to the West End, is to drag me all the way front Mincing-lane to Harley-street. Sim. (Alanned.) VV hat do you mean ? {Aside) Can he have discovered ? Era. Do you remember some weeks ago, how you kept me blowing my fingers, in the cutting East wind, at the end of March, tramp- ing up and down, before the iron rails of a house in Harley -street ? iiim. (Aside.) My first visit to Mrs. Filzallan 1 ACT I.] SIMPSON k GO. 9 Brom. " Wait at the door, my dear Bromley, I shan't be a second." My nose was as blue as an Oran Oatang's. Sim. Well, well, I didn't detain you long. Bro. Long! and the second time! There was I fretting, and trotting backwards and for- wards, looking up at the windows, down into the area, watching every moment at the street door, freezing, shivering, swearing ; what the deuce have \ ou to do in f larley-street ? Sim. Oh ! oh ! — The recovery of a little debt due to me before we entered into partner- ship. Bro. Do you expect to lose any thing in that quarter ? Sim. No — not exactly ; but I may wait a long; time before my demands are satisfied. Bro. Aye, \ understand — *" Call again to- morrow." Weil, I wish you success ; but if ever you entrap me with you to Harley-street again — Ha ! here comes your wife. Enter Mrs. Simpson. Sim. Returned so soon, my love ? Mrs. S. I've just met with an agreeable sur- prise, Charles. You've often heard me speak of my old school friend, Marianne. Sim. Well? Mrs S. Shortly after my leaving school, she returned to her family in Somersetshire, and the last I heard of her was that she was gone to India. Imagine my pleasure, when, just now, on going into my milliner's, there \ met my dear Marianne. You may suppose. 10 siMPSoff & CO. [AnoB. that after so long a separation, we had much to say to each other. Sirn. No doubt. Mrs. S. But there was such a crowd at the milliner's, we had little time to talk. 1 forgot, even to ask her where she lived. Sim. That was unlucky ; for how are you to meet again, in this wide world of London ? Mrs. S. Oh ! I took care of that, for I have engaged her to dine. Sim. That was right, my love ; whatever contribute^s to your pleasure, is agreeable to me. Mrs. S. You are too kind, too attentive to me, Charles. Sim. Aye. Mrs. S. I should be unjust were I to deny that I am the happiest woman in the world. Bro. Not so fast : one of the happiest, if you please ; for i flatter myself that Mrs. B. is equally so. Mrs. S. By the bye, you and Susan must be of the party. Bro. With great pleasure ; and, come as I am satisfied with our m"»rni!i ;'s business, gad ril stand treat to a box ui lae Opera fo^r the evening. Mrs. S. Hey-day, Mr. Bromley, you ! Bro Mrs. ^. last night dropt a hint that she should like to go, and as gallantry is my but, come, business before all : let's to the counting-house, Simpson. Sim. One kiss at parting, Anna ; I'll soon b* with you again. ACT I.] SIMPSON k QO. It Brom. Come, Simpson, come, what the deuce who thinks of parting kisses when once they are married. Come, business be- fore all. [Exeunt Bromley and Simpson. Mrs. S. Yes, 1 am indeed the happiest of wives. How few among my married acquaint- ance whose peace is undisturbed by discon- tents and bickerings — by jealousy too often well fouflded — how blest then, am 1, in the posses- sion of a man whose thoughts never wander from his own fire-side. Enter Mrs. Bromley. Good morning, my dear. Why, bless me, what ails you ? You seem out of spirits. Mrs. B. No — not I. It was late when you came home last night. Mrs. S. The concert was longer than usnal. Mrs. B. Ah ! me! While you and Simpson were amusing yourselves at a concert, I was moping alone in the chimney-corner. Mrs. S. And Mr. Bromley, was not he there to keep you company ? Mrs. B. No, he was busy all the evening in his counting-house. {Aside.) as he said. Mrs. S. Well, this evening will make amends to you for the last. 1 expect an old friend to dinner, you will dine with us, and afterwards we all go to the Opera. It is to tW ^^^^ ^^^*'^ '"^^ ^6 ^re indebted for this Mr:,. _ oblio-inff? ^'^ • ^y S^°^ ^'^^^® ^^^ *^ ^^U ^rs. S. Nov^ ,^ . ^ ^ thankful to him r"^'' y^" ^"^^^^ *^ ^^ ^^^^ not fond of pub]icX:men7s'^' '' ''""^''^ 'i2 SIMPSON & CO. [Anon. Mrs. B. So he says, and I suppose I must believe him — yet he often goes out, very often. Mrs. S. Do you know, my love, I sometimes think you are jealous ? Mrs B. No, I am not, nor do I believe I have any cause to be so ; yet F wish my hus- band were less fond of the counting-house, and more assiduous in his attentions to me ; in short, that he would follow the example of your's. Mrs. S. Consider that men's characters differ; that Mr. Simpson is, by some years, a younger man, than Mrs. B. I am aware of all you would say, but Mrs. S. But ! Surely you delight in torment- ing yourself. Mrs. B. I am not jealous, but when I look about among our neighbours, men who all adore their wives — ah ! my dear! Some through vanity, others from mere inconstancy of cha- racter. Why, there's our next-door neigh- bour, Mr. Honeymoon, who loves his wife to distraction, yet was not he seen the other day in a Tilbury with an Opera Dancer ? And as for Mr. Ledger, over the way, who doats upon Mrs. L. — if what the world says be true ! Mrs. S. But be assured that Mr. Bromley is none of these. ^ Mrs. B. 1 hope so ; but those men. / men, there's no knowing^ them, belie*' "^ Enter a Servant. ^^'^ ^^^^^jf Servant. A French Lady- ' , -^j^ y^^ Madame La Trnpi-e, de.ire'.to speak wiiu y ma'am. ACT I.] SIMPSON & CO. l3 Mrs. S. With me ? I know no such person. But request her to walk in. Servant ushers in Madame La Trappe — (a small parcel in her hund, Jllad. L. Miledi, I have the honneur to sa- lute you. I vvili to speak wiz Miledi Simpson. Mrs. S. If you mean Mistress Simpson, ma- dam, 1 am the person. Mad. L. Mistress, I am your servant — Ma- dame La Trappe, from Paris — {looking cau- tiously about.) I sell de little contraband ; I smugo^le de little marchandize from Paris. I am recommend to you from Miledi Ledger, over de way. I have de advantage to sell to her many little tin^ what I smuggle, and \ sail be proud to take de advantage of you. Mrs. S. Pray, ma'am, don't give yourself the trouble Mad. L. Trouble ! O mon dieu, mon dieu, it is no trouble for so amiable leddi — [turning and curtseying to Mrs. Bromley] — for so amiable two leddy — and some lace which was make for Madame La Duchesse ; mon dieu, I not remem- ber myself — here is forty yard, I sell for two guinea one yard. Mrs. B. Two guineas a yard ! that's ex- tremely dear. Mad. L. O, madame ! — mais madame is so amiable, I sell it for one guinea. Airs. S. Really, ma'am, we cannot buy any thing to-day. Mad. L. Mais, mafhinc, c''€St egnl, you sail not buy, but I have much pleasure to make you see. Here is do. veil, it is pretty i\h one angel. 14 SIMPSON &L CO. [AnOD. Ha ! ha ! ha ! ha ! I tell you — It was a senti- ment one great miloi'd buy for two hundred guinea for Mam'zeile Pirouette, of de Grand Opera — Hay! ha! ha! Dat poor milord! he give it her to-day ; to-morrow she sell it to me, and yesterday I sail sell it to every body else. Mrs. S. Once more, ma'am, I must beg you will give yourself no further trouble. Mad. L. [JV/iile making up her parcels.) Dat is veil, madam ; I come to-day, because I have to receive fifty pound in de bureau de counting- house down de stair. Mrs. B. To receive fifty pounds ! Mad. L. Oui, madame, one little accepta- tion of Monsieur Bropr.pjy ; I receive it of one very pretty lady, beautiful, who buy oTmc some lace — Madame, Madame — 1 forgot her name, but she live in Harley-street. Mrs. B. A lady in Harley-street, paying for hice with an acceptance of my husband's ! Mrs. L. You know de gentleman wat live in de counting-house ? Mrs. S. Yes, we Mrs. R. (^interrupting her) No, ma'am, no. Do you ? Let her speak, my dear, let her speak. Mad. L, I know him — dat is, I only know him from to see him. Mrs B. Aye> you saw him at the lady's house ? Mad. L. G, no, madame, I will*not say so, because it will not be true ; beside, if I did see liim, I am too discreet — O, mon Dieu ! tnon Oieu! But how 1 know him, it is so, ha ! ha ? ACT I.] siyrpsoN &L CO. 13 ha 1 ha ! It make me laugh when I tink Two time I see him wait at de door, he walk up and he walk down, backward and forward ; and he stamp, and he swear, and he look in great rage, like he was jealous, and he look at de window and de door — you understand Mrs B. Go on, ma'am ; pray go on. Mad. L. De first time 1 make no attention to him, but when I see him wash two time before de door, I tink — Ah, ha ! Monsieur! Yet you know, madame, dat was only suspect, but when I come to-day touch my fifty pounds — Ha ! ha! ha I ha ! it is droll ; 1 see de gentleman what 1 see walk about before de house of de pretty lady. Mrs. B. Are you certain, the gentleman you have just now seen is the same ? Mad. L. O, madame, wiz his little sanctify look— Ha ! ha ! ha ! ha ! Mrs. S. And what does it signify whether it be or not ? Mad. L. Miledi, i beg pardon to derange you ; when you sail want de lace, de glove, de rouge, &c. I sail sell you for very little gain, and you sail not forget Madame La Trappe. — (^Curtseys.) Miledi, I have d'honeur to salute you, t am your very respectable servant indeed. (Mrs. Bromley follows her to the door.) Mon Dieu, mon Dieu, mon Dieu, madame, do not give yourself de pain. I sail call again last week wis some beautiful dress, as vat you see —and I call tell you more vat please you about the other gentilhomme, in the bureau down stairs, and perl^aps come j' espere anoder little accep- 16 SIMPSON & CO. [Anoji tation for fifty pounds de lady will give me for what she is i^oing to buy wis it — sans f.toon, sans adieu — ^,j«S:=qu' au revoir. [Kxit. Mrs. B. VVell my dear vvh:^t sny you to this ? .Mrs. S. Oh the idle talk of a chattering French dealer in smugLilcd goods. Mrs. B. Idle talk ! "Then how comes it that this pretty lady pays for lace with my husband's acceptance ? Mrs. S. The acceptances of the house are negociated like bank-notes, and, passing from hand to hand, one may have fallen into the pos- session of the lady in Harley-street. Upon the same grounds 1 might as reasonably suspect Simpson. Mrs. B. Simpson, indeed ! no. no. Besides it was not Simpson she recognised in the count- ing-house. Simpson wasn't " de little sober gentleiiomme" she twice saw watching the house in a jealous fury. And isn't the gen- tleman *' with a little sanctify look," as she calls it, the exact description of my husband? She has said quite enough to satisfy me. Mrs. S. Be calm, my dear, all this will be satisfactorily explained to you, and you will be the first to laugh at your suspicions. For the present keep what you have heard a secret from every body, and, above all from your husband. (^.fiside.) The hypocritical villain ! Mrs. B; Well, I'll endeavour by concealing what I know, to learn more. Nor do you, on any account mention it to Simpson. Mrs. S. Be assured I will not. Mrs. B. The monster ! if he be guilty, I pro- ACT 1.] SIMPSON &: CO. 17 mise you that before two days has passed over his head he shall — the cruel monster ! I could ahnost cry wiih vexation, [bursts into tears.] Mrs S. (Aside) Poor Mrs. Bromley I She is really to be pitied, poor thing ! Enter Bronilej, [_§aily ] Bro. So, here you are, Susan, niy dear. — Business is over for the day, and now 1 am at ■\ our disposal. Gad, I believe I must begin to copy Simpson, and run out of the counting- house every half hour to visit my wife. Mrs. B. (^driltf) Indeed, sir ! Upon my word — I never before saw you so gallant. }3ro. True, my duck, true ; I mean to make amends. Mrs. B. To he plain with you, sir, a little change in your conduct wonld be very desirable. Mrs. S. (Jn an under voice, and as if anxious to prevent a quarrel.) My love Bro. Well, from this time forward you shall find me quite another tiling; every leisure moment I have shall be yours. I'li act the lover rather than the husband. I'll be a down- right Komeo, ha! lia ! ha! Mrs. B. Yoiir determination to reform is rather sudden, sir. Bro. Don t threw cold water over me, my darling ; don't you see I'm gay, I'm joyous. On making up my accounts of happines;-, I tind a large balance of content in my favour, business goes on swimmingly ; I've a wife whom I love, and — in short all my little arrangements are mighty comfortable. Mrs, B. (Mide) His little ariangements !— B 2 18 biMPsoN &. CO. [Anon. 1 congratulate you sincerely on your comrorta- ble little arrangements, Mr. Bromley. Mrs. S. (^To her.) Pray have a care. Bro. Mr. Bromley ! and sir ! this is very strange ! what the deuce is the meaning of ail this coldness, and formalily ? Mrs, B. Ask that of yourself, sir : look into your heart and you will there discover the cause. Mrs. S. {Checking her.) Bro. Look into iny heart ? I may look into it for a month, and the chief article I shall tind there will be a large stock in iiand of iovc for vny Susan. Mrs. B. (Aside) The perfidious wretch I Bro. Something is the matter, that'?) cer- tain — we parted -good friends an hour ago ; what has happened to put you oat of humour I'-ince ? hhe turns from fiitn.) Mrs. Simpsoi*. ran you explain ? What crotchet has my wilt got into her head now ? Mrs. S. (co/.'//f/) Tis nothing, sir, nothing — 'twill pass .iway I hope, [to Mrs. Bromley.] Bro. A word, Mrs. Bromley, if you pieafie. You have the good luck to be married to a plain rnan, who Mrs B. (turning quickli/ upon Iiiin.) Well, sir, i know i am married to a plain man ; and what then? Bro. Why then, madam, he lores you Iio- nestly and sincerely — he does his utmost, ma- dam, to make you happy, and — and — zoundis, rnadam; what wo'dd you itiive more ? Mrs. B. [Asidc.\ Who would have thought the traitor could carry it oil so well. ACT r.] SIMPSON & CO. l9 Bro, Come, Susan, give me your hand, and let's have an end of this ; and till you kave recovered your good temper, you had better retire to your own room. Mrs S. (To j\lrs. Bromley as she goes o^) — Pray, pray, be more the mistress of yourself. Mrs. B. Ah, my dear, this blow will be the deatii of me. [Exit Mr. and Mrs. Bromley — she reluctantly givinu- him her hand Mrs. S. Who would have suspected him ? Heavens! should the m^n corrupt my Charles ! Nothino; so dangerous for a husband as the so- ciety of persons of Mr. Bromley's character. — Here he comes. Enter Simpson. Well, Charles, you know what is going forward ? Sim. No, love ; what? Mrs. S. Poh ! poh ! you know it as well as I do. Sim. Upon my Iionour I cannot even guess what you allude to. Mrs, S. 'Tis all discovered. Sim. [Alarmed.) Discovered ! — Does she suspf ct ? Mrs. S. Abo'it Bromley, you know. Sim. Bromley '. Mrs. S*. His poor wife ^^nows all about it. Situ. About what, my love ! Mrs. S. Hi- intrignes. Sim. His intrigues ! Bromley's intvigues ? poh ! impossible, {laughing.) Mrs. jS. Niay, 'tis useless, now, to pretend ignorancv ; we have just learnt what you have known long ago. 50 SIMPSON &. (0. [Anon. . Sitn I have known ! \vl»at have I known ? Mrs. S. That he has a mislreijs. Sim. What, Bromley ! The phihosopher, the sober, steady ! Ha! ha', ha! that's excellent! Come tell me all about it, my love, tell me all about it. Mrs. jS'. O, ray dear Charles, I'm delighted, I perceive by your manner that you know no- thing oj' it. 1 was fearful thai you were in his confidence, and, to say the truth, that would have made me uneasy. Sim. 1 in his confidence ! No, no ; he knows me too well ; I should have lectured him round- ly had he hinted (^.'Iside.) 'Gad I was afraid 1 had been found out myself. Mrs. S. Only imagine ; a French dealer in smuggled lace — A madamo t-a Trappe, who has just been here, not knowing Susan, related to us — but what am 1 doing ? Bromley, as yet, knows nothing of the discovery we have made, and I have promised Susan to keep the secret till Sim. Well, but you may tell me, Anna ; t long to hear all the particulars ; trust me — I'm dumb, you know. Mrs. S. No — no — no — and 1 am to blame for having mentioned it to you at all. Sim. Who would ever have thought this I And Bromley, of all men in the world. Mrs. S. Really— ha! ha! ha !— really of the two partners one would rather have suspected you thanlum. Sim. Ah ! nothing is so little to be trusted in as appearances. ACT I.] SIMPSON & CO. 21 Mrs. S. And now, Charles, IVe a favour (o ask of you. Mr. Bromley, no doubt, is a very honourable man in business, very correct in trade; but you are a younger man than he, and I seriously entreat you not to go out too frequently with him ; there's no knowing how he may mislead you — it may be catching. Sim. You have nothing to fear on that score — I know him now. Mrs. S. There's a good boy. Now I'll just go to poor Susan, and do what I can to comfort her. Sim. Do, love ; but don't remain long away from me. Mrs. S. No dear, I'll soon return. Ha ! what a happy woman am I. [Exit, Sim. So, so Mr. Bromley, you have your little fiolicks abroad as well as another, I find. The hypocritical cur with his long face and crabbed morality this morning, when I but merely hinted at the posibility of — but really this is too bad ! an avowed mistress ! My case is very different : I regard my wife sincerely. So that should I even form a little attachment with Mrs. Fitzallan, there is no danger of its disturbing my domestic peace. Besides, as she knows me only as Captain VValsingham, and — Oh, hang it, Vm not so indiscreet as my partner. — Ha! here he comes, the rogue. I possess his secret, he is ignorant of mine, so I'll make the best of my advantage, and torment his little sly soul out. Enter Bromley. Brom. There she sits mumping and sulking* L'£ bir.:i*soN g: co. [Anon, speaking liairwords, and — Ah! Simpson — Ihere's my duck in the temper of a hjena, ;n)d I'll just efore in my life— one captain- -captain— cap- ACT 11.] SIMPSON k CO. 33 tain Wabingham, who, without any sort of in- troduction twice presents himself aim}? house, under pretence of settling some business for mc at the India-house. Mrs. S. Is it possible ! and how did you re- ceive aim ? Mrs F. As his insolence deserved of course, and for some time I heard no more of him. But within these few days he has dared to write to me. His tirst letter I returned to him unan- swered, but he so pesters me with his epistles thai i find it less trouble to burn them unopen- ed. Then I can scarcely stir from home but he follows my carriage, and-— in short, his im- portmities are become so irksome, that I am half determ'ned to apply to the magistrates. Mrs S. Hush ! here come the unhappy pair. ( They walk up the stage) Enter Bromley and Mrs. Bromlej'. Bro. (^speaks on entering) Oh, with all my heart ! separate maintenance, or no maintenance at all, if you prefer it— So jou will but cease to torment me Mrs, B. I'm not the woman Mr. Bromley, to bear such wrongs tamely ; 1 have relations and— Mrs S. {coming hastily forward) For heav- en's sake here's a visitor— I must present to you a dear friend of mine---Mrs Fitzallan. Bro. {bowing) Any friend of Mrs Simpson's ---Madam, your servant. Mrs B. i am delighted, ma'am, io— {looking steadfastly at Mrs Fitzallan, she says to Mrs 34 SIMPSON &. CO. [Anon. Simpson) Oh ! support me my dear, Tm faint- ing. Mcs S. What is the matter ? Bro. (taking her hand, which she hastily with- draws) What ails you, my duck ? Mrs F. The lady is very pale. Mrs B. (^repulsing her) 'Tis nothing madom, 'tis past— it was merely the surprise. Thfere are persons (^half directed to Bromley) who c^n support a surprise without the slightest change of countenance. Mr Bromley I dare say is 6f my opinion. Mrs S. I perceive nothing very surprising, my dear, in a simple introduction to an old friend of mine. Mrs B. The lady is not altogether unknown to me, nor to Mr Bromley neither. Bro. To me ! I don't recollect ever having had the honoxir of seeing the lady before. Mrs F. I go but little into society, ma'am ; may 1 inejuire where you Mrs B. This gentleman is more competent to answer the question than myself, madam. Mrs S. {aside) What can she mean ? Bro. [in an under tone and with suppressed €Lnger) Madam, let me advise you, for your own sake not to expose your folly to a stranger. (Aside) I wonder she has not attacked fat Bet- ty, the cook, or old Sally, the housemaid. Mrs B. [to Mrs Fitzallan) Pray, madam, did you ever sit for your portrait? Mrs F. {laughing) I now perceive the oc- <:asion of your suprise. No doubt you saw my portrait in the Exhibition ; and the likeness, ACT II.] SIMPSON 4r CO. S.-i which was indeed allowed to be perfect, has led you to imagine---Ha I ha ! ha !---and m}' black velvet dress-— did you remark how finely that was painted ? Mrs B. [aside) Black velvet f 'tis that-— there's no longer a doubt. I am perfectly well acquainted with the miniature, madam, but it was not at the Exhibition I saw it. Mrs F. A miniature ? you mistake, a full length picture. Mrs S. (^aside) Can her jealousy have so blinded her. {aloud and laughing) I begin to understand the meaning of this, but take my word for it, my ('ear, you were never so mis- taken in your life. Mrs F. {aside) Good heavens ! Can I be the cause of any disagreement here ? Dro. Well, ladies, to me all this is a riddle ; I have lived in a riddle this whole day. As 1 never was very apt at guessing riddles, I shall quietly leave to time the task of expounding this. Filter Simpson. Sim. Well, love, 'tis now dinner time ; are you sure your friend, Marianne, will come ? Mrs S. {pointing to Mrs Fitzallan^whvsehach is turned from Simpso}i) She is here, Charles^ Marianne, I must present my husband to you--- Mr Simpson. Mrs F. This gentleman ! Mr Simpson 1 Sim. {ovei'whehned with confusion, yet point- edly and rapidly) Is the husband of your friend, mndam- -{aside) 1 wish I was up to my neck in a horse-poud ! 36 SIMPSON & CO. [Anoii. Mrs F. I congratulate you sincerely, sir, on your choice. We were just speaking of you ; MiHi Simp«^on has emphatically eulogised your undivided attention to her, and no one is more desirous than mys^elf to believe, tUat jou fully merit her confidence. Sim. [greatly embarrassed] O, madam ! when the heart — when a wife — when a husband, whose constancy, whose fidelity — a virtue now departed from with impunity [Aside] I'm dished ! Mrs. B. [To Bromley] Do you hear that, base man ? ^ Bro. Yes, I hear ; though I understand no'^ thins: about it. However, 1 am determined to be silent, and we shall see which of us vvill be tired soonest. Mrs. S. [to Simpson^ and pointing toiturds Bromley] You are too severe, my love ; be compassionate a little indulgence [To Mrs. Fitzallan] am 1 not right ? Sim. A little indulgence — aye, aye, a little — we all have need of it — besides, at an age wlien the passions, and when — after all, there arc greater sinners than we ! — Eh, Bromley. Bro. [Jiside.) It seems as if Simpson's turn had come. Well, turn and turn about — my wif( and I have need of a little rest, that's certain. Sim. And when one considers the weakness- the - the lesp 1 say the better. Mrs. FUz. That, sir is exactly my opinion. Mrs. S. I am glad, Charles, to find you so weak an advocate in so bad a cause. Mrs. F. To put an end to a conversation ACT II.] SIMPSON &, CO. 37 which nin?t be exceedingly embarrassing to a certain person of the party pray tell me, Mr. Simpson, whether you happen to be ac- quainted with one Captain Walsingham ? Sim. {To her) The cruel little devil ! [aside) Yes, ma'am ; I'm notquite^ yes, yes, I knew him — ma'am ; that is---ma'am, I knew him for- merly. Mrs. S. [JisiJe] I regret that Charles was acquainted with so disreputable a person. Mrs. F. Do tell me what is his character, Mr. Simpson. Sim, His character ? Oh, he's a — a sort of a---a perfect man of honour, I assure you, ma'am. Mrs. F. No doubt ; he seems too, to be a devoted slave of the ladies. Mrs. S. Pray, Charles, present my respects to your Captain Walsingham. Mrs. Fitzallan has related to me a little anecdote concerning him, which places him very high in my esteem. Sim. What then, you know [aside] Can she have told 1 Mrs F. Do you know, Mr. Simpson, whe- ther he still maintains his influence at the India house ? Sim. [pointedly] No, ma'am ; he's now an ex-director ; has abandoned all intentions of further interference in that quarter---How shall 1 get out of this ? Here William,— a— let's have dinner, do ye hear ? it's full time. Enter a Servant. Ser. Dinner sir, won't be ready this half- bour. [Exit, 'iS SIMPSON & CO. [Anon. Sim. Very well. [Aside] John deserves a guinea for interrupting the conversation. Bro. [gdily] Come, Simpson, go and order a bottle of Champaigne in honour of our fair guest ; that will set us all in good humour ; find before the third glass has gone round, I warrant it, we shall all have come to a right understanding. Fla ! ha ! ha ! Mrs S. O, let the butler look to the wine ; and you, Charles, show Marianne our collec- tion of pictures," I'll follow in a moment. Sim. [aside] How I nm to escape, heaven knows ! Your arm, madam. Exeunt Simpson and Mrs. Fitzallan. Bromley offers his ami to Mrs. Bromley ; she rejects it^ and folioies the oth«'rs. Mrs S, [To Brovdey, as he is going nff^ Mr. Bromley, a word Considering your situation, your boisterous gaiety ; to say the best of it, — i.s ill-judged. Mrs D. Mr. Bromley, your braving it out in this manner is positively indecent. Exit Mrs Sii?ipson, rvho also rejects his arm. liro. Vastly well, ---let them say what they xvill I'm determined not to open my mouth till dinner's ready. [Exit. SCENE II. ^ Di awing- Room f tcilh Pictures. Enter Mrs. Fitzallan. Mrs F. Poor Mr. Simpson ; he has some modesty, however, and couldi>'t bear a moment of examination. Enter Mr*. Simpson. Mrs S. What, has Simpson left you already, isow rnde ! A-CT !I.] SIMPSON & CO, 30 Mrs F, Rude ! — I think the folks are all rather singular— he saw me at the door, bowed and left me. Then really, my dear, Mrs Brom- ley's behaviour to me is very extraordinary ; she does not only avail herself of my presence, to torment her husband, but I am evidently tha object of all her sarcasms and innuendos, Mrs S. Did you ever happen to see Mr. Bromley? Mrs F. No ; never. Mrs S. How comes it then that he possesses your portrait, — Mrs F. My portarit ? Mrs S. Which he keeps concealed in his pocket-book* Mrs F, Nonsense ; impossible, Mrs S. I assure you, Marianne, he has it; and the resemblance is, in all respects, so per- fect that it cannot be attributed to chance, Mrs F, The profligate monster ! But to what base end can he have procured it ? and by what means ? Mrs S. 'Tis difficult to tell. Perhaps, unob- served by you, he may have seen you some- where or other, and becoming enamoured of you, contrived to procure a copy of your pic- ture at the exhibition. Mrs F, [aside] I rather suspect — my dear, are you sure, are you quitte sure, that Mr. Bromley is the person capable of- — Mrs S. Capable! After the discoveries we bave made to-day, I'm convinced he is capable of any thing. Mrs F- [aside] One partner torments me with letters, the other purloins my portrait 40 SIMPSON k C9. [Anon. am I fated to turn the heads of the whole firm of Simpson and Co. Mrs S. Here he comes, expectinsj no doubt, to find you alone, and prepared with a formal declaration. Enter Bromley. Bro. My Mrs B. seems inclined to open a fresh account, but as we have had sufficient dealings in the article of bickering for one day, I leave her to Ah ! Mrs Fitzallan, your humble— —and Mrs Simpson, too — I hope 1 am not an interru)»tion. Mrs S. On the contrary, sir, this lady and myself desire an opportunity of gently and quietly remonstrating with you. Mr. Bromley, your conduct is most atrocious. Mrs. F, 'Tis barbarous !— 'tis ungentleman- ly— 'tis unmanly. £ro. Madam, if ever I Mrs S. What excuse have you for endanger- ing, as you have done, the reputation of a res- pectable woman ? Bro, [in anger] I vow and declare, that since the day I was born-r Mrs F. Will you be so obliging, sir, as to answer, distinctly, the questions I shall put to you ? Bro. So I a regular examination ! Speak, ladies ; state your charges ; 1 shall not employ counsel, but plead my own cause. Mrs F. Then sir, 1 must insist on your an- swering me seriously and without equivoca- tion. Till this day did you ever see me before ? Bre. Seriously and without equivocation, 1 never did. ACT II.] SIMPSON Sl CO. 4i Mrs F. Has any person— any one who may take an interest in me, made you the depositary of his secret ? Bro. Madam, I assure you till this day I never had the pleasure either of seeing you or that of hearing you spoken of. Mrs F. Enough. Now, sir, as a man of honour you cannot refuse to relinquish my portrait, your possession of which is, at once, offensive and injurious to me. Bro. Your portrait ! your portrait ma'am ! — {aside] Oh, hang it, I see now they are quiz- zing me, for my wife's jealousy. Mrs Simpson first began running the joke against me to-day, as a hen-pecked husband ; and now she has got Mrs Fizallan to join her. Mrs S [to Mrs Fkzallan] He hesitates. Mrs F. Am I to be honoured with your an- swer, sir. Bro. (aside) 'Gad, I'll have a hoax as well as they, and turn the tables on'em. VNTell madam {to Mrs Fitzallan) I have as truly got your por- trait as you have got mine. MrsS. Atlength then you confess ; that is the first step towards repentance. Your wife is an excellent woman ; repent, Mr Bromley, and i trust she will pardon you. Enter Mrs. Bromley. Come, come, my love, let me be peace-mnker. Mr. Bromley has confessed his errors and pro- mised sincere repentance, and you must forgive him Mrs B And what have you to say for your- self, Mr Bromley ? Bro. What have I to say for myself; I have D 2 4*i SIMPSON &L CO. [Anon. merely said that as truly as I have that lady's portrait she has mine, and I will res-tore her beautiful bust when she gives me my little full length. Mrs F. Sir ! Bro. Yes, my little full length"-in a pepper and salt coat, striped waistcoat, and drab-colour small-clothes, and continuations. iVIrs F. (^1^0 Mrs Simpson) My dear, the man's mad ! Bro. As to the letters you say have passed between us Mrs F. {with dignity) This is too much. I should he forgetting the respect 1 owe myself were 1 to remain another moment here. Mrs S. (^taking her hand) For niy sake, Marianne— -yet an instant — Bro. (^laughing aloud.) Enter Simpson. Now Charles, follow my example and confess ; 'tis your only hope. Sim. (^alarmed) Confess ! ! ! What ! Bro. Confession and r« pentance are the or- der ofthe day. Acknowledge, that but for your txauiplo, 1 never should have gone astray. Sim. [asifle) Am I detected too, then ! Bro. Acknowledge that your wicked coun- sels iirst perverted my innocent heart ; that you are accountable for ail my peccadilloes, as you call them. Sim. (^Agitaitd) Each for himself, si i«, if you please. Mrs S. Fie on you, Mr. Bromley. First calunoniate my friend and next accuse my un- offending husband 1 Shame, shame, Mr. Brom- ley. ACT II.] SIMPSON & CO. 43 Mrs B. Your attempts at evasion will avail von nothing ; it is not with Mr. Simpson, but with you, sir Bro. 'Tis ail one; we are partners; and our pleasures and our plagues ought to be in common. [Observins^ i he serious countenunccs of the others.] Lord help ine ! should ihey be ia earnest alter ail ! Enter a Servant [who vrhispers Mrs. Si>wp»on.] Mrs S. Instantly-— (jf'o Mrs FHzallan)-"A good opportunity to humiliate Mr. Bromley 1 have been sitting for my miniature unknown to Charles — the painter has just sent it ; Til take this occasion of presenting it to him. Do but wait my return, and this atfair shall be ex- plained to your satifffaclion. (2o Bromley.) Ah ! Mr. Bromley ! 1 never thought you capable of such doings. [Exit. Sim. Was it your intention to insult me, Mr, Bromley, by your ridiculous accusations I Bro. Sir, i iA'rs F. Is it your pleasure, Mr. Bromley, to surrender (^ti,ys(eiious!y) the object iii question ! Bro. Madam, madam, 1 assure you Mrs B. 'Tis a clejir case, Miv Bromley ; I shall now. leave the aifair with my relatives. Bro. *Tis a clear case there is a plot among you to drive me wild, and Enter Foster. Well Foster, what now ? Fos. Mr. Tradely, sir, has called to receive back his securities. hro. Mr. Sin)pson has them. Sim. I left them with you when I went out this morning. 44 SIMPSON &L CO. [Anon. Bro. True.— (Ta^cs out Simpson''s pocket- book.— -Mrs Bromley beholds it uith looks oj rage.) Here they are, Foster ; take a receipt for them. Here Simpson, take your pocket- book. Exit Foster. Mrs B. (snatches it from him.) His pocket- book ? Simpson's ? Bro. Yes ; and what then ? Mrs B. Really the book is not yonr's ? Bro. And what if it were ! but 'tis Simpson's, I tell yoii. Mrs B. [Running into his arms) — My dear, dear, dear little husband ; this is the happiest moment of my life. Mrs. Filz. [aside) 'Tis as I suspected. Bro . Then vou were but jesting with me after all. Mrs B. {To Mrs Fitzallan) Oh, ma'am, I scarcely know how to apologise to you, but the circumstances, I trust, will be sufficient to {running again to Bromley) — My poor, poor dear injured little Bromley. Bro. Zounds, but this is as much a puzzle to me as t'o'her. Sim. {Aside) I perceive the mistake, and 'tis all over with me. Mrs F. {Aside) Poor Mrs Simpson. Mrs B. And can you pardon me all the tor- ments I have inflicted on you ? Bro. VVhy you have laid it on pretty thick, my dear, that's certain ; but what has all tiiis war been about ? iVlrs. B. (Returns the pocket-book to Simpson.) Just let me return Mr. Simpson his property — 'Tis an elegant little book indeed. — I commend your taste, sir. ACT II.] SIMPSON & CO. 46 Sim. (Kmhnrrasseii) O ma'nm 'tis no- thing— -'tis sim{)le— -extremel}' simple. Mrs. B. Cert-ainly, it .eqnires a careful ex- amination to discover all the beautie:* it contains. Mrs. F. (^severely and with emphasis) Mr. Sinnpson has been at unwarrantable pains in procuring its ornanrients. Bro. VVell, there's no accounting for tastes ; but it seems to nne that there is nothing very ex- traordinary in a red morocco case with a gold clasp. Mrs B. My love, we must not always judge by the exterior. Bro. (^mocking her)— By the exterior! Are they beginning their riddles agviin ? Si7n. Alas! my dear friend, to me it is none ; I comprehend it but too well-— (fo Mrs Fitzallan) But to you, madam, how shall I addr<^ss my- self? In what terms implore your pnidon ? I confess that unknown to you, J dared to pro- cure a copy of your portrait, and my indiscre- tion Mrs. F. [Afi she fakes the book from him ■zn'Mck he presents.) The olience, Mr. Simpson, might warrant a harsher term. Bro. Ha ! a fu'ught strik'^s me--Allow me, raa'am, to ask whether or not you reside in Harley-street ? Mrs F. I do, sir. Bro. Mahogany door, gorgon's-head knocker, five steps, lamp, with reflectors, and sixty-four spikes in the iron railing. Mrs F. You have been very minute, sir, in your observations. Bro. 1 had plenty of time to tike an exact '^ccount. I assure you, I bavins: tw*'-- 46 SIMPSON it CO. [Anon. the honour, madam, of standing sentry at youj door wailing for this gcnilenian, and shivering; in tlie wind, hke the isails in the sea song (To Simpson, half angry) And am I, for ever, sir, to be the victin of your irregularities* 'Twas the same thing at school, ladies. If an orcliard was robbed, suspicion was sure tc light on i e ; and while Mr. Innocence, there, was quietly devouring the fruit, i was receiving the punishment. Mrs B. (^Taking Ins hand)-'My poor Brom- ley. Mrs f . {To iStm/Json)— So far as your indis- cretion affects me, sir, I pardon you — deeply as it might have injured . e in the opinion of this lady ; but unfortunately for you it yet re- mains Sim. Do not overwhelm me with the anger— the contempt— which my conduct nterits. — Your beaut> was the light that dazzled and misled me, yet believe me — Bro. Say no more, Siuipson. You may, be- lieve him ma'am ; and f assure you there is not in London a more affectionate husband---(Aai[/' aside) notwithstanding his aptness to be dazzled, as he calls it, by stray lights, Mrs B. But what can we say to poor Mrs. Simpson ? Sim. I will avow all to li«r ; the only explana- tion in the power of an offending husband is the confession of his error. Heavens, she comes ! Enter Mrs. Simpson. Mrs S. Well, Mr. Bromley, do you still re- fuse to ask pardon for your misconduct ? Bro. Ah .' ma'am ; matters have taken a strange turn since you quitted the room. ACT II.] SIMPSON & CO. 47 Stm. Ah, my Anna, you are far from sus- pectino; who is the real offender ; it is Mrs F. (^eagerly) It is Captain Walsingham. Mrs S. (zanth astonishment) Captain Walsing- hain I Sim. (^aside") A vvomaQ for ever for helping one out of a scrape ! Mrs F. Yes, the person I mentioned to you this morning. It is for him the portrait was copied. Bro. And thus it is that innocent people are ©ften made to suffer for the offences of such wicked wights. As for that Captain Walsing- ham, with whom Simpson and 1 are ^ery well acquainted---I have a little account with him, which shall be settled in private. lie shall not have it to say that 1 quietly took charge of this day's cargo of plagues and torments, which ought to have been consigned to him. Mrs S. But how came it when he was men- tioned this morning that you remained silent ? Bro. To say the truth I am not so proud of his acquaintance as to boast of it. A married man who is so easily "dazzled by stray lights" is not exactly the person to associate with— -Eh, Simpson. Mrs S. {to Mrs Fitzallan) But by what means did the portrait- Mrs F. (mysteriously, and in an under tone) Hush ! Mrs S. Aye—I understand, (aside) Thj>t poor dear Mrs. Bromley ! they make her be- lieve just what they please ! Mrs B. (aside) That dear good Mrs. Simp- son — did she but know 48 SIMPSON & CO. [Anon- Mrs S. And now, Charles, I have a little fur- piise for you. Unknown to you 1 have snt for my portrait — accept it as the token of niy con- fidence and fidelity ; — It may serve as a little lesson to Mr. Bromley. Sim. {^thepJij-aJJ'ectet]) Your portrait ! — Never, never, shall it quit me. (^asidej And she's uncon- scious O, Anna, the reproaches of an offended woman are soon forgotten ; her sweet- ness, her unsuspecting love — which, alone, cun reclaim a wandering heart, are remembered for ever. Mrs S. (/« an under tuiie^ and looking tcrxctrdf! Bromley.) Be merciful, my love. Bro. (^taking Simpson aside) Simpson, that present comes just in time — there's a vacant place in the pocket-book. Sim. A little indul2:ence Bro. You must ask it at other hands t^an mine, (^brings Simpson for rvnrd^ looking cau- tiously, at the same lime^ at the other characters) Ladies and gentlemen, no doubt ywu have de- tected some liitle detici( ncies in my partner's private accounts — the firm is responsible to yon — we are novv w,in