X^'^''/ V^^'/ \*^"\/ %' -^^^ ,^'''\. BUNYAN LISTENS TO THE PoOR WoMEN OF BEDFORD. / came where there were three or four poor women sitting at a door, in the sun, talking about the things of God. [See page 32. ^lA/nJ^, ^ v\yr-' Grace Abounding TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS In a Faithful Account of the Life and Death of John Bunyan OR A Brief Relation of the Exceeding Mercy of God in Christ to Him ^itb an Introduction by HENRY G. WESTON, D.D. AND FIFTEEN ORIGINAL ILLUSTRATIONS BY HAROLD COPPING AMERICAN TRACT SOCIETY 150 NASSAU STREET BOSTON • NEW YORK • CHICAGO 7^05, Copyright, 1905 Bv American Tract Society ly^rr^ from wev t CONTENTS List or Illustrations , . , Foreword ..... Prefatory Note . . . • Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners, paragraphs 1-339 ...... A Brief Account of the Author*s Call to the Work of the Ministry A Brief Account of the Author's Imprisonment The Conclusion, paragraphs 1-7 . A Relation of the Imprisonment of the Author in THE Month of November 1660 A Continuation of the Author's Life • A Brief Character of the Author , • Postscript • • • . . Bibliography • • . • . 4 5 10 17 147 169 180 1S3 229 241 243 245 LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS Bunyan Listens to the Poor Women of Bedford Bunyan and his Wife read her Father's Books Bunyan hears a Voice from Heaven Bunyan at the Steeple . Bunyan at the House of Mr GifFord Bunyan in Despair Bunyan seeks Comfort . Bunyan wrestling in Prayer Bunyan finds Hope Bunyan preaches to the People Bunyan is looked on with Suspicion Bunyan parting with his Wife and Children Bunyan before Justice Wingate . Bunyan refuses to be silenced . Bunyan' s Wife pleading with the Judges 4 Frontispiece To face page 17 25 31 50 81 lOI 122 146 150 165 174 187 207 221 FOREWORD " Grace abounding ! '* Are there two words, aside from the divine names and those expressing the divine love, which ought to send a deeper thrill into the human heart than these ? Yet to the mul- titude they are words and nothing more. The overwhelming majority of men, while admitting the fact of wrongdoing, have no sense of the sinfulness of sin, no conception of its criminality and its desert of punishment. Where there is no consciousness of guilt, there can be no cry for grace and no gratitude for its ex- istence. Nay, more ; if man has no need of par- don, he is independent of God. Nature and humanity supply all his wants. His religion is a godless religion. In its prayers, exquisitely beauti- ful phrases, voicing human emotions whose ex- pression often deeply touches the soul of the hearer, there is no God. Men frankly tell us, " I derive far more good from a walk through the forest, or by the running brook, or on the shore of the ocean, communing with myself and with nature, than I do by attending the prayer meeting and reading the Bible." FOREWORD If God, in His infinite mercy, send the Holy- Spirit to convict that man of sin, his one cry from a heavily laden heart will be. Will God forgive ? Can God forgive ? To this question nature gives no answer. Forest, brook, ocean, earth and sky are dumb. He turns to his Bible and, to his great amazement, finds that the glory of God consists in His relations to sin. When God at the request of Moses reveals His glory, it is in these words — " The Lord, The Lord God, merciful and gracious, long- suflFering and abundant in mercy and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving transgression, iniq- uity and sin ; yet that will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children, unto the third and fourth generation. '* This forgiven sinner, as soon as he begins to look beyond himself, discovers that this world is a world in which grace reigns, and that this fact explains very much that is otherwise incomprehensible in the dealings of God with man. As the past, the pres- ent, and the future open before him he sees that the era in which we are living is the Day of Salva- tion ; the Day of Creation is closed ; the Day of Judgment is yet to come; God's throne in this day of salvation is a throne of grace; Grace reigns. In the world as it now is, wickedness walks on every hand and goes unpunished. Men see the wicked 6 FOREWORD prosper. They conclude that God is indiiFcrcnt to human conduct or else oblivious to moral distinc- tions. For every band of devout souls calling upon God, there are hundreds of associations where God's name is heard in curses, where sin and hate invoke His vengeance, where His name is defied. To all these there is no response, but let there come to the ears of God one cry for mercy from a heart breaking with a sense of sin, and swifter than the flash of an angeFs wing comes the answer from God's own lips. Scoffers cry. Where is His promised coming? All things continue as they were from the foundation of the world. The answer is at hand ; The long delay of our Lord is for salvation ; He is not willing that any should perish. God's patient forbearance with the sinner, ripe for destruction, and the continued and unmerited goodness which He heaps upon him are designed to lead him to repentance. Read the answer of Peter to men perplexed at the ways of God in this world of sin ; " Grow in the grace (not, grow in grace, but in the grace) of our Lord and Saviour. The pardon of sin is not wrung from the hands of a reluctant God ; He delights in mercy. When the sinner returns, the lips of the Infinite burst forth in song. " The Lord, thy God, will rejoice over thee with singing. I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy trangressions for my own sake.** 7 FOREWORD Language is exhausted to express the fulness of God's forgiveness. The scarlet sinner becomes whiter than snow ; his trangressions are blotted out Hke a thick cloud, disappearing never more to be seen ; they are cast into the depths of the sea, remembered no more forever. The last words of revelation are words of abounding grace. The long contest between sin and righteousness ends in eternal victory. God is sealing up the account of that conflict with a solemn warning against adding anything, to the inspired record, or taking anything from it. But before revelation closes God cannot forbear sending out one more cry of grace ; " Whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.'* "Whosoever!" Thank God for that word with its limitless embrace wherever it appears in the Bible, specially thank God it is here. " Let him take freely " — having no fitness, giving nothing in return. John Bunyan's eminent fitness to be the author of " Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners " does not arise from the comparative guiltiness of his own character. It is very clear that, judged by the standards of his time, he was far from being the chief of sinners. But his conception of sin, its heinousness and guilt, was not revealed to him by flesh and blood but by God Himself It was this revelation that enabled him to write this supreme 8 FOREWORD classic of sacred literature, but not the revelation of guilt alone. If he had seen only sin, the sight would have plunged him into absolute despair. These two great truths took such possession of his soul that he could not forbear giving to the world the story of his own experience. He was an English peasant and tinker with no human help of any kind. He wrote ; competent critics, not shar- ing his religious view, award him the highest place for genius and popularity among the writers of the seventeenth century. Devout Christians of all generations since his time have taken him as their interpreter, teacher and guide. The divine revela- tion to him of the two greatest facts in the universe — sin and grace — placed him in the unique position he occupies of unapproached and unapproachable greatness. HENRY G. WESTON. Crozer Theological Seminary. PREFATORY NOTE The text in this edition is as nearly as possible that of the eighth, which was corrected by Bunyan him- self a few weeks before his death. The text of * A Relation ' is that of the first edition of 1765. A few minor changes have been introduced for the con- venience of the reader. The use of capital letters has been considerably modified, and the orthography has been in places modernized. In some few in- stances the Scripture references have been added to quotations where they did not appear in the original. It must be remembered that Bunyan often quoted Scripture inexactly, and it has not been deemed necessary to make all his quotations follow the text of the Authorized Version. The marginal summary is not a part of the original, but has been prepared for this edition in order that it may correspond with the Society's editions of the ' Pilgrim's Progress.' The Bibliography of the earlier editions is believed to be the most complete yet published. The illustrations have been prepared for this work by Mr. Harold Copping, whose illustrations to the ' Pilgrim's Progress ' have justly attracted much attention. 10 A PREFACE OR, BRIEF ACCOUNT OF THE PUBLISHING THIS WORK. WRITTEN BY THE AUTHOR THEREOF, AND DEDICATED TO THOSE WHOM GOD HATH COUNTED HIM WORTHY TO BEGET TO FAITH, BY HIS MINISTRY IN THE WORD Children, Grace be with you. Amen, I being taken from you in presence, and so tied up that I cannot perform that duty, that from God doth He upon me to you-ward, for your farther edifying and building up in faith and holiness, etc., yet that you may see my soul hath fatherly care and desire after your spiritual and everlasting welfare, I now once again, as before, from the top of Shenir and Hermon, so now from the lions' dens, from the mountains of the leopards (Song iv. 8), do look yet after you all, greatly longing to see your safe arrival into THE desired Haven. I thank God upon every remembrance of you ; and rejoice, even while I stick between the teeth of the lion in the wilderness, that the grace and mercy, and knowledge of Christ our Saviour, which God hath bestowed upon you, with abundance of faith II PREFACE and love; your hungerings and thirstings after farther acquaintance with the Father, in the Son; your tenderness of heart, your trembling at sin, your sober and holy deportment also, before both God and men, is a great refreshment to me; For ye are our glory and joy. i Thess. ii. 20. I have sent you here enclosed, a drop of that honey that I have taken out of the carcase of a lion. Jndg. xiv. 5-8. I have eaten thereof myself, and am much refreshed thereby. (Temptations, when we meet them at first, are as the lion that roared upon Samson ; but if we overcome them, the next time we see them, we shall find a nest of honey within them.) The Philistines understand me not. It is something of a relation of the work of God upon my soul, even from the very first, till now, wherein you may perceive my castings down, and risings up : for He woundeth, and His hands make whole. It is written in the Scripture, Isa. xxxviii. 19, The father to the children shall make known Thy truth. Yea, it was for this reason I lay so long at Sinai, Lev. iv. 10, 11, to see the fire, and the cloud, and the darkness, that I might fear the Lord all the days of my life upon earth.^ and tell of His wondrous works to my children. Psalm Ixxviii. y^. 12 PREFACE Moses, Numb, xxxiii. i, 2, writ of the journeys of the children of Israel^ from Egypt to the land of Canaan ; and commanded also that they did remember their forty years' travel in the wilderness. Thou shah remember all the way which the Lord thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness^ to humble thee^ and to prove thee^ and to know what was in thine hearty whether thou wouldst keep His commandments, or no. Deut. viii. 2. Wherefore this I have en- deavoured to do; and not only so, but to publish it also ; that, if God will, others may be put in remembrance of what He hath done for their souls, by reading His work upon me. It is profitable for Christians to be often calling to mind the very beginnings of grace with their souls. // is a night to be much observed unto the Lord^ for bringing them out from the land of Egypt. This is that night of the Lord to be observed of all the children of Israel in their generations. Exod. xii. 42. my God (saith David), Ps. xlii. 6, my soul is cast down within me ; therefore will I remember thee from the land of Jordan, and of the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar. He remembered also the lion and the bear, when he went to iight with the giant of Gath. I Sam. xvii. ;^6, ^y. It was Paul's accustomed manner, Acts xxii., 13 PREFACE and that, when tried for his life, Acts xxiv., even to open before his judges the manner of his con- version : he would think of that day, and that hour, in which he first did meet with grace ; for he found it supported him. When God had brought the children of Israel out of the Red Sea, far into the wilderness, yet they must turn quite about thither again, to remember the drowning of their enemies there. Numb. xiv. 25, for though they sang his praise before, yet they soon forgat his works. Psalm cvi. 11, 12. In this discourse of mine, you may see much; much I say, of the grace of God towards me: I thank God, I can count it much ; for it was above my sins and Satan's temptations too. I can remember my fears and doubts, and sad months, with comfort ; they are as the head of Goliah in my hand : there was nothing to David like Goliah's sword, even that sword that should have been sheathed in his bowels ; for the very sight and remembrance of that did preach forth God's deliverance to him. Oh! the remem- brance of my great sins, of my great temptations, and of my great fear of perishing for ever ! They bring afresh into my mind, the remembrance of my great help, my great supports from heaven, and the great grace that God extended to such a wretch as I. 14 PREFACE My dear children, call to mind the former days, and years of ancient times : remember also your songs in the night, and commune with your own Hearts, Ps. Ixxiii. 5-12. Yea, look diligently, and leave no corner therein unsearched for that treasure hid, even the treasure of your first and second experience of the grace of God towards you. Remember, I say, the word that first laid hold upon you : remember your terrors of conscience, and fear of death and hell : remember also your tears and prayers to God ; yea, how you sighed under every hedge for mercy. Have you never a hill Mizar to remember? Have you forgot the close, the milk- house, the stable, the barn, and the like, where God did visit your souls ? Remember also the word, the word, I say, upon which the Lord hath caused you to hope : if you have sinned against light, if you are tempted to blaspheme, if you are drowned in despair, if you think God fights against you, or if heaven is hid from your eyes; remember it was thus with your father; but out of them all the Lord delivered me. I could have enlarged much in this my discourse, of my temptations and troubles for sin ; as also of the merciful kindness and working of God with my soul : I could also have stepped into a style much 15 PREFACE higher than this, in which I have here discoursed, and could have adorned all things more than here I have seemed to do, but I dare not : God did not play in tempting of me ; neither did I play, when I sunk as into the bottomless pit, when the pangs of hell caught hold upon me ; wherefore I may not play in relating of them, but be plain and simple, and lay down the thing as it was ; he that liketh it, let him receive it, and he that doth not, let him produce a better. Farewell. My dear Children, The milk and honey are beyond this wilderness. God be merciful to you.^ and grant that you be not slothful to go in to possess the land, JOHN BUNYAN. i6 BUNYAN AND HIS WiFE READ HER FaTHER's BoOKS. In these books I ivould somedtnes read ivith her. GRACE ABOUNDING TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS OR. A BRIEF RELATION OF THE EXCEEDING MERCY OF GOD IN CHRIST, TO HIS POOR SERVANT, JOHN BUNYAN In this my relation of the merciful working of God upon my soul, it will not be amiss, if in the first place, I do in a few words give you a hint of my pedigree, and manner of bringing up ; that thereby the goodness and bounty of God towards me, may be the more advanced and magnified before the sons of men. 2. For my descent then, it was, as is well known by many, of a low and inconsiderable ^^ parentage generation ; my father's house being ^-"^ descent of that rank that is meanest, and most despised of all the families in the land. Wherefore, I have not here, as others, to boast of noble blood, or of any high-bom state, according to the flesh ; though, all things considered, I magnify the heavenly Majesty, for that by this door He brought me into the world, to partake of the grace and life that is in Christ by the gospel. B 17 GRACE ABOUNDING 3. But yet, notwithstanding the meanness and inconsiderableness of my parents, it ^° ° pleased God to put it into their hearts, to put me to school, to learn both to read and write ; the which I also attained, according to the rate of other poor men's children : though, to my shame, I confess, I did soon lose that I had learned, even almost utterly, and that long before the Lord did work His gracious work of conversion upon my soul. 4. As for my own natural life, for the time that I was without God in the world, it was, indeed, according to the course of this world and the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience. Eph. ii. 2, 3. It was my delight to be ' taken captive by the devil at his will^ 2 Tim. ii. 26 ; being filled with all unrighteousness ; the which did also so strongly work, and put forth itself, both in my heart and life, and that from a child, that I had but few equals (especially considering my years, which were tender, being but few) both for cursing, swearing, lying, and blaspheming the holy name of God. 5. Yea, so settled and rooted was I in these An early life of things, that they became as a second sin nature to me ; the which, as I have also with soberness considered since, did so offend the Lord, that even in my childhood he did scare and affrighten me with fearful dreams, and did terrify me with fearful visions. For often, after I have spent this and the other day in sin, I have in j8 MY DISTRESS AS A CHILD my bed been greatly afflicted, while asleep, with the apprehensions of devils and wicked spirits, who still, as I then thought, laboured to draw me away with them, of which I could never be rid. 6. Also I should, at these years, be greatly afflicted and troubled with the j ^^^j. ^^ ^^^_ thoughts of the fearful torments mentsofhell of hell-fire; still fearing, that it would be my lot to be found at last among those devils and hellish fiends, who are there bound down with the chains and bonds of darkness, unto the judgment of the great day. 7. These things, I say, when I was but a child, but nine or ten years old, did so distress my soul, that then in the midst of my many sports and childish vanities, amidst my vain companions, I was often much cast down, and afflicted in my mind therewith, yet could I not let go my sins : yea, I was also then so overcome with despair of life and heaven, that I should often wish, either that there had been no hell, or that I had been a devil ; supposing they were only tormentors ; that if it must needs be, that I went thither, I might be rather a tormentor, than be tormented myself. 8. A while after those terrible dreams did leave me, which also I soon foreot ; for , J.J . , , rr 1 Ringleader in all my pleasures did quickly cut oft the manner of vice remembrance of them, as if they ^^ ^^sodiiness had never been : wherefore with more greediness, according to the strength of nature, I did still let loose 19 GRACE ABOUNDING the reins of my lust, and delighted in all transgres- sions against the law of God : so that until I came to the state of marriage, I was the very ringleader of all the youth that kept me company, in all manner of vice and ungodliness. 9. Yea, such prevalency had the lusts and fruits of the flesh in this poor soul of mine, that had not a miracle of precious grace prevented, I had not only perished by the stroke of eternal justice, but had also laid myself open, even to the stroke of those laws which bring some to disgrace and open shame before the face of the world. ic. In these days the thoughts of religion were ^ , , ver>' sTievous to me : I could neither Thoughts of ^ ^ religion very endure it myself, nor that any other ^^^^^ should ; so that when I have seen some read in those books that concerned Christian piety, it would be as it were a prison to me. Then I said unto God^ Depart from me, for I desire not the knoijuledge of Thy ways. Job xxi. 1 4, 1 5. I was now void of all good consideration, heaven and hell were both out of sight and mind; and as for saving and damning, they were least in my thoughts. Lord^ Thou kncruuest my life^ and my ways were not hid from Thee ! II. But this I well remember, that though I I tremble at could mvself sin with the greatest de- the wickedness ijabt and ease, and also take pleasure of my con- . ° - ., ' - ^ . panions m the vileness of my companions; yet, even then, if I had at any time seen wicked 20 MERCIFUL DELIVERANCES things, by those who professed goodness, it would make my spirit tremble. As once above all the rest, when I was in the height of vanity, yet hear- ing one to swear, that was reckoned for a religious man, it had so great a stroke upon my spirit, that it made my heart ache. 12. But God did not utterly leave me, but followed me still, not now with con- j ^^j^^ escaoe victions, but judgments ; yet such as being drowned were mixed with mercy. For once I fell into a creek of the sea, and hardly escaped drowning. Another time I fell out of a boat into Bedford river, but, mercy yet preserved me alive : besides, another time, being in a field, with one of my companions, it chanced that an adder passed over the highway, so I having a stick in my hand, struck her over the back ; and having stunned her, I forced open her mouth with my stick, and plucked her sting out with my fingers ; by which act had not God been merciful unto me, I might by my desperateness, have brought myself to my end. 13. This also I have taken notice of, with thanks- giving: When I was a soldier, I, My experiences with others, were drawn out to go as a soldier to such a place to besiege it ; but when I was just ready to go, one of the company desired to go in my room : to which, when I had consented, he took my place; and coming to the siege, as he stood sentinel, he was shot in the head with a musket-bullet and died. 21 GRACE ABOUNDING 14. Here, as I said, were judgments and mercy, but neither of them did awaken my soul to right- eousness ; wherefore I sinned still, and grew more and more rebellious against God, and careless of my own salvation. 15. Presently after this, I changed my condition My first iiito a married state, and my mercy marnage ^^g^ ^q \^g^t Upon a wife whose father was counted godly: This woman and I, though we came together as poor as poor might be (not having so much household stuff as a dish or a spoon betwixt us both), yet this she had for her part : Tbe Plain Majis Pathway to Heaven and The Practice of Piety ; which her father had left her when he died. In these two books I would sometimes read with her, wherein I also found some things that were somewhat pleasing to me (but all this while I met with no conviction). She also would be often telling of me what a godly man her father was, and how he would reprove and correct vice, both in his house, and among his neighbours ; what a strict and holy life he lived in his days, both in word and deed. 16. Wherefore these books, with this relation, I am influenced though they did not reach my heart, by good books ^Q awaken it about my sad and sinful state, yet they did beget within me some desires to religion : so that because I knew no better, I fell in very eagerly with the religion of the times ; 22 MY RELIGIOUS ERRORS to wit, to go to church twice a day, and that too with the foremost ; and there should very devoutly, both say and sing, as others did, yet retaining my wicked Hfe ; but withal, I was so over-run with the spirit of superstition, that I adored, and that with great devotion, even all things (both the high-place, priest, clerk, vestment, service, and , f^^, j^ ^^h the what else) belonging to the church; religion of the counting all things holy that were therein contained, and especially, the priest and clerk most happy, and without doubt, greatly blessed, because they were the servants, as I then thought, of God, and were principal in the holy temple, to do His work therein. 17. This conceit grew so strong in a little time upon my spirit, that had I but seen a priest (though never so sordid and debauched in his life), I should find my spirit fall under him, reverence him, and knit unto him; yea, I thought, for the love I did bear unto them (supposing them the ministers of God), I could have laid down at their feet, and have been trampled upon by them ; their name, their garb, and work did so intoxicate and bewitch me. 18. After I had been thus for some considerable time, another thought came in my Are we mind; and that was, whether we israeUtes? were of the Israelites or no ? For finding in the scripture that they were once the peculiar people of GRACE ABOUNDING God, thought I, if I were one of this race, my soul must needs be happy. Now again, I found within me a great longing to be resolved about this question, but could not tell how I should : at last I asked my father of it ; who told me, No, we were not. Wherefore then I fell in my spirit, as to the hopes of that, and so remained. 19. But all this while, I was not sensible of the A sermon moved danger and evil of sin; I was kept *^e from considering that sin would damn me, what religion soever I followed, unless I was found in Christ : nay, I never thought of Him, or whether there was such a One, or no. Thus man, while blind, doth wander, but wearieth himself with 'uanity, for he knoweth not the way to the city of God. Eccles. X. 15. 20. But one day (amongst all the sermons our parson made) his subject was, to treat of the Sabbath day, and of the evil of breaking that, either with labour, sports or otherwise. (Now, I was, not- withstanding my religion, one that took much delight in all manner of vice, and especially that was the day that I did solace myself therewith) : where- fore I fell in my conscience under his sermon, thinking and believing that he made that sermon on purpose to show me my evil doing. And at that time I felt what guilt was, though never before, that I can remember; but then I was, for the 24 BUNYAN HEARS A VoiCE FROM HeAVEN. Just as I was about to strike it the second tttne, a voice did suddenly dart from heaven into my soul. MY SPORT INTERRUPTED present, greatly loaden therewith, and so went home when the sermon was ended, with a great burthen upon my spirit. 21. This, for that instant did benumb the sinews of my best delights, and did imbitter j resist the my former pleasures to me ; but hold, mfluence it lasted not, for before I had well dined, the trouble began to go oiF my mind, and my heart returned to its old course : but oh ! how glad was I, that this trouble was gone from me, and that the fire was put out, that I might sin again without control ! Wherefore, when I had satisfied nature with my food, I shook the sermon out of my mind, and to my old custom of sports and gaming, I returned with great delight. 2 2. But the same day, as I was in the midst of a game of Cat, and having struck it a voice to me at one blow from the hole, just as I was P^^y about to strike it the second time, a voice did suddenly dart from heaven into my soul, which said, Wzlt thou leave thy sins and go to heaven^ or have thy sins and go to hell ? At this I was put to an ex- ceeding maze; wherefore leaving my cat upon the ground, I looked up to heaven, and was, as if I had, with the eyes of my understanding, seen the Lord Jesus looking down upon me, as being very hotly displeased with me, and as if He did severely threaten me with some grievous punishment for these and other ungodly practices. 25 GRACE ABOUNDING 23. I had no sooner thus conceived in my mind, I am convicted ^"^ Suddenly, this conclusion was of sin fastened on my spirit (for the former hint did set my sins again before my face). That I had been a great and grievous sinner^ and that it was now too late for me to look after heaven ; for Christ would not forgive me^ nor pardon my transgressions. Then I fell to musing on this also ; and while I was think- ing of it, and fearing lest it should be so ; I felt my heart sink in despair, concluding it was too late; and therefore I resolved in my mind I would go on in sin : for, thought I, if the case be thus, my state is surely miserable ; miserable if I leave my sins, and but miserable if I follow them; I can but be damned, and if I must be so, I had as good be damned for many sins, as be damned for few. 24. Thus I stood in the midst of my play, before , , , all that then were present : but yet I I return desper- i- 1 t i atelytomysport told them nothmg : but I say; hav- *^^^ ing made this conclusion, I returned desperately to my sport again ; and I well remember, that presently this kind of despair did so possess my soul, that I was persuaded I could never attain to other comfort than what I should get in sin ; for heaven was gone already, so that on that I must not think ; wherefore I found within me great desire to take my fill of sin, still studying what sin was yet to be committed, that I might taste the sweetness of 26 FOLLOWING AFTER SIN it ; and I made as much haste as I could to fill my belly with its delicates, lest I should die before I had my desire ; for that I feared greatly. In these things, I protest before God, I lye not, neither do I feign this form of speech ; these were really, strongly, and with all my heart, my desires : The good Lord^ Whose mercy is unsearchable^ forgive me my transgressions I 25. And I am very confident, that this temptation of the devil is more usual among poor creatures, than many are aware of, even to over-run the spirits with a scurvy and seared frame of heart, and benumbing of conscience, which frame he stilly and slily supplieth with such despair, that, though not much guilt attendeth souls, yet they continually have a secret conclusion within them, that there is no hope for them ; for they have loved sins^ there- fore after them they will go. Jer. ii. 25, and xviii. 12. 26. Now therefore I went on in sin with great greediness of mind, still grudging that I could not be so satisfied with ^l! ""^°^^^ .. woman uporaids it, as I would. This did continue me for my un- . , , , godliness With me about a month, or more ; but one day, as I was standing at a neighbour's shop window, and there cursing and swearing, and playing the madman, after my wonted manner, there sate within, the woman of the house, and heard me; who, though she also was a very loose 27 GRACE ABOUNDING and ungodly wretch, yet protested that I swore and cursed at that most fearful rate, that she was made to tremble to hear me ; and told me further, that I was the ungodliest fellow for swearings that she ever heard in all her Ufe; and that 7, hy thus doings was able to spoil all the youth in the whole town^ if they came but in my company. 27. At this reproof I was silenced, and put to I am silenced by secret shame ; and that too, as I the reproof thought, before the God of heaven; wherefore, while I stood there, and hanging down my head, I wished with all my heart that I might be a little child again, that my father might learn me to speak without this wicked way of swearing; for, thought I, I am so ac- customed to it, that it is in vain for me to think of a reformation ; for I thought it could never be. 28. But how it came to pass, I know not; I did I leave off ^xom this time forward, so leave my swearing swearing, that it was a great wonder to myself to observe it ; and whereas before I knew not how to speak unless 1 put an oath before, and another behind, to make my words have authority ; now I could, without it, speak better, and with more pleasantness than ever I could before. All this while I knew not Jesus Christ, neither did I leave my sports and plays. 28 OUTWARD REFORMATION 9. But quickly after this, I fell into company with one poor man that made pro- r ' f, .. . , T 1 A poor man fession or religion ; who, as I then talks pleasantly thought, did talk pleasantly of the fndtScer scriptures, and of the matters of re- ^^^^ ^^^^ ^^^ ligion; wherefore falling into some love and liking to what he said, I betook me to my Bible, and began to take great pleasure in reading, but especially with the historical part thereof; for as for Paul's Epistles, and such like scriptures, I could not away with them, being as yet ignorant, either of the corruptions of my nature, or of the want and worth of Jesus Christ to save me. 30. Wherefore I fell to some outward reformation both in my words and life, and did set the commandments before me for outward my way to heaven ; which command- ^^ ^^^^ ^°° ments I also did strive to keep, and, as I thought, did keep them pretty well sometimes, and then I should have comfort ; yel: now and then should break one, and so afflict my conscience ; but then I should repent, and say, I was sorry for it, and promise God to do better next time, and there get help again ; for then I thought I pleased God as well as any man in England, 31. Thus I continued about a year; all which time our neighbours did take me to be a very godly man, a new and religious man, and did marvel much to see such a great and famous alteration in my 29 GRACE ABOUNDING life and manners; and indeed so it was, though yet I knew not Christ, nor grace, nor faith, nor hope; for, as I have well seen since, had I then died, my state had been most fearful. 32. But, I say, my neighbours were amazed at ^, . ^^ this my c^reat conversion, from pro- The neig-hbours ,. . *' ° ^ , . amazed at my digious proraneness, to somethmg conversion j.j^^ ^ moral life; and truly, so they well might ; for this my conversion was as great, as for Tom of Bethlehem to become a sober man. Now therefore they began to praise, to commend, and to speak well of me, both to my face, and behind my back. Now I was, as they said, become godly ; now I was become a right honest man. But oh ! when I understood these were their words and opinions of me, it pleased me mighty well. For, though as yet I was nothing but a poor painted hypocrite, yet, I loved to be talked of as one that was truly godly. I was proud of my godliness, and indeed, I did all I did, either to be seen of, or to be well spoken of, by men : and thus I continued for about a twelve-month, or more. ^^. Now you must know, that, before this, I My conscience ^^^ ^aken much delight in ringing, and bell-ringing but my Conscience beginning to be tender, I thought such practice was but vain, and therefore forced myself to leave it ; yet my mind hankered ; wherefore I would go to the steeple- house, and look on, though I durst not ring: but 30 BUNYAN AT THE StEEPLE. After this I would yet go to see them ring^ but would not go any farther than the steeple-door. HINDRANCES OVERCOME I thought this did not become religion neither; yet I forced myself, and would look on still, but quickly after, I began to think, how if one of the bells should fall P Then I chose to stand under a main beam, that lay overthwart the steeple, from side to side, thinking here I might stand sure; but then I should think again, should the bell fall with a swing, it might first hit the wall, and then, rebounding upon me, might kill me for all this beam ; this made me stand in the steeple-door ; and now, thought I, I am safe enough ; for if the bell should now fall, I can slip out behind these thick walls, and so be preserved notwithstanding. 34. So after this I would yet go to see them ring, but would not go any farther than the steeple-door ; but then it came into my head, how if the steeple itself should fall? And this thought (it may for aught I know) when I stood and looked on, did continually so shake my mind, that I durst not stand at the steeple- door any longer, but was forced to flee, for fear the steeple should fall upon my head. ^^. Another thing was, my dancing; I was a full year before I could quite leave i give up that; but all this while, when I dancing thought I kept this or that commandment, or did, by word or deed, anything that I thought was good, I had great peace in my conscience, and should think with myself, God cannot choose but be now pleased 3^ GRACE ABOUNDING with me ; yea, to relate it in mine own way, I thought no man in England could please God better than I. 36. But poor wretch as I was! I was all this while ignorant of Jesus Christ ; and going about to establish my own righteousness ; and had perished therein, had not God in mercy showed me more of my state by nature. 2,y. But upon a day, the good providence of God . called me to Bedford^ to work on my poor women at calling ; and in one of the streets of that town, I came where there were three or four poor women sitting at a door, in the sun, talking about the things of God; and being now willing to hear them discourse, I drew near to hear what they said, for I was now a brisk talker also myself, in the matters of religion ; but I may say, / heard but understood not ; for they were far above, out of my reach. Their talk was about a new birth, the work of God on their hearts, also how they were convinced of their miserable state by nature ; they talked how God had visited their souls with His love in the Lord Jesus, and with what words and promises they had been refreshed, comforted, and supported, against the temptations of the devil: moreover, they reasoned of the suggestions and temptations of Satan in particular ; and told to each other, by which they had been afflicted and how they were borne up under his 3^ INSPIRING CONVERSATION assaults. They also discoursed of their own wretchedness of heart, and of their unbelief; and did contemn, slight and abhor their own righteous- ness, as filthy, and insufficient to do them any good. 2,S. And, methought, they spake as if joy did make them speak ; they spake with such pleasant- ness of scripture language, and with such appearance of grace in all they said, that they w^ere to me, as if they had found a new world ; as if they were people that dwelt alone^ and were not to be reckoned among their neighbours. Numb, xxiii. 9. 39. At this I felt my own heart began to shake, and mistrust my condition to be , , P T u • n ^ ^^ Ignorant naught ; for 1 saw that m all my of the new- thoughts about religion and salvation, the new-birth did never enter into my mind ; neither knew I the comfort of the word and promise, nor the deceitfulness and treachery of my ow^n wicked heart. As for secret thoughts, I took no notice of them ; neither did I understand what Satan's tempta- tions were, nor how they were to be withstood, and resisted, etc. 40. Thus, therefore, when I had heard and con- sidered what they said, I left them, , , . . . , •' ' , ' I feel I lack the and went about my employment true tokens of a again, but their talk and discourse truly godly man went with me ; also my heart would tarry with them, for I was greatly affected with their words, both GRACE ABOUNDING because by them I was convinced that I wanted the true tokens of a truly godly man, and also because by them I was convinced of the happy and blessed condition of him that was such a one. 41. Therefore I should often make it my business to be going again and again into the company of these poor people; for I could not stay away; and the more I went amongst them, the more I did question my condition; and as I still do remember, presently I found two things within me, at which I did some- times marvel (especially considering what a blind, ignorant, sordid and ungodly wretch but just before I was). The one was a very great softness and tenderness of heart, which caused me to fall under the conviction of what by scripture they asserted, and the other was a great bending in my mind, to a continual meditating on it, and on all other good things, which at any time I heard or read of. 42. By these things my mind was now so turned, that it lay like an horse-leech at the vein, My mind more .,, . ^. ^. ^^ fixed on things Still crymg out, Lrive^ Lrive^ rrov. xxx. cteraity"^^ 1 5 ; yea, it was so fixed on eternity, and on the things about the kingdom of heaven (that is, so far as I knew, though as yet, God knows, I knew but little), that neither pleasures, nor profits, nor persuasions, nor threats, could loose it, or make it let go its hold ; and though I may speak it with shame, yet it is in very deed, a certain truth, it would then have been as difficult for me to have taken 34 A PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE my mind from heaven to earth, as I have found it often since, to get again from earth to heaven. 43. One thing I may not omit : There was a young man in our town, to whom my heart j ^^^^ ^ ^i^ before was knit, more than to any companion other, but he being a most wicked creature for cursing, and swearing, and whoreing, I now shook him off, and forsook his company ; but about a quarter of a year after I had left him, I met him in a certain lane, and asked him how he did: he, after his old swearing and mad way, answered, he was well. But, Harry, said I, why do you curse and swear thus ? What will become of you, if you die in this condition ? He answered me in a great chafe. What would the devil do for company^ if it were not for such as I am P 44. About this time I met with some Ranters' books, that were put forth by some of r. V , , Some Ranters' our countrymen, which books were books come also highly in esteem by several old j^pray^^r^**^' professors ; some of these I read, guidance to r ' , , , ' read them but was not able to make any judgment about them ; wherefore as I read in them, and thought upon them (seeing myself unable to judge), I would betake myself to hearty prayer in this manner. Lord^ I am a fool^ and not able to know the truth from error : Lord^ leave me not to my own blindness, either to approve of or condemn this doctrine \ if it be of God^ let me not despise it ; if it be 35 GRACE ABOUNDING of the devil^ let me not embrace it, Lord^ 1 lay my soul in this matter only at Thy foot^ let me not be deceived^ I humbly beseech Thee. I had one religious intimate companion all this while, and that was the poor man I spoke of before ; but about this time, he also turned a most devilish Ranter, JSmJanSn Turns ^nd gave himself up to all manner of a devihsh filthiness, especially uncleanness : he would also deny that there was a God, angel, or spirit ; and would laugh at all exhortations to sobriety ; when I laboured to rebuke his wickedness he would laugh the more, and pretend that he had gone through all religions, and could never light on the right till now. He told me also, that in a little time I should see all professors turn to the ways of the Ranters. Where- fore, abominating those cursed principles, I left his company forthwith, and became to him as great a stranger, as I had been before a familiar. 45. Neither was this man only a temptation to me, but my calling lying in the country, 1 happened to light into several people's company, who though strict in religion formerly, yet were also swept auay by these Ranters. These would also talk with me of their ways, and condemn me as legal and dark ; pretending that they only had attained to perfection, that could do what they would and not sin. Oh ! these temptations were suitable to my flesh, I being but a young man and my nature in its prime ; but 36 NEW SIGHT FOR THE BIBLE God, who had, as I hoped, designed me for better things, kept me in the fear of His name, and did not suffer me to accept such cursed principles. And blessed be God, Who put it into my ^ ^ heart to cry to Him to be kept and answered. The , .,1 1. • Bible precious directed, still distrustmg my own wisdom ; for I have since seen even the effects of that prayer, in His preserving me, not only from Ranting errors, but from those also that have sprung up since. The Bible was precious to me in those days. 46. And now methought, I began to look into the Bible with new eyes, and read as I never did before, and especially the epistles of the apostle St Paul were sweet and pleasant to me ; and indeed I was then never out of the Bible, either by reading or meditation ; still crying out to God, that I might know the truth, and way to heaven and glory. 47. And as I went on and read, I lighted upon that passage, To one is given, by the Spirit, ^^ understand- the word of wisdom ; to another the ing of scripture word of knowledge by the same Spirit ; and to another faith, etc. i Cor. xii. And though, as I have since seen, that by this scripture the Holy Ghost intends, in special, things extraordinary, yet on me it did then fasten with conviction, that I did want things ordinary, even that understanding and wisdom that other Christians had. On this word I mused, and could not tell what to do, especially this word 37 GRACE ABOUNDING * Faith ' put me to it, for I could not help it, but sometimes must question, whether I had any faith, or no ; but I was loath to conclude, I had no faith ; for if I do so, thought I, then I shall count myself a very cast-away indeed. 48. No, said I, with myself, though I am convinced I am an ignorant ^^^^ ^ ^"^ ^^ ignorant sot, and that I sot want those blessed gifts of knowledge and understanding that other people have ; yet at a venture I will conclude, I am not altogether faithless, though I know not what faith is ; for it was shewn me, and that too (as I have seen since) by Satan, that those who conclude themselves in a faithless state, have neither rest nor quiet in their souls ; and I was loath to fall quite into despair. 49. Wherefore by this suggestion I was, for a while, made afraid to see my want of S;ingfait°ho?^ faith; but God would not suffer me no, a trouble to thus to undo and destroy my soul, but did continually, against this my sad and blind conclusion, create still within me such suppositions, insomuch that I could not rest content, until I did now come to some certain knowledge, whether I had faith or no, this always running in my mind, But how if you want faith indeed ? But how can you tell you have faith ? And besides, I saw for certain, if I had not, I was sure to perish for ever. 50. So that though I endeavoured at the first to look over the business of Faith, yet in a little time, I 38 A SORE TEMPTATION better considering the matter, was willing to put my- self upon the trial whether I had faith or no. But alas, poor wretch ! so ignorant and brutish was I, that I knew not to this day no more how to do it, than I know how to begin and accomplish that rare and curious piece of art, which I never yet saw or considered. 51. Wherefore while I was thus considering, and beine: put to my plune^e about it (for ^, ° ^ , \^ ° T 1 1 • 1 . T^e temptation you must know, that as yet I had m this hot upon me to matter broken my mind to no man, ^<^^^ ^ "^^^<^i« only did hear and consider), the tempter came in with this delusion, That there was no way for me to know I hadfaith^ but by trying to work some miracle ; urging those scriptures that seem to look that way, for the enforcing and strengthening his temptation. Nay, one day, as I was between Elstow and Bedford^ the temptation was hot upon me, to try if I had faith, by doing some miracle ; which miracle at this time was this, I must say to the puddles that were in the horsepads. Be dry ; and to the dry places^ Be you puddles : and truly one time I was going to say so indeed; but just as I was about to speak, this thought came into my mind; But go under yonder hedge and pray first ^ that God would make you able. But when I had concluded to pray, this came hot upon me; That if I prayed, and came again, and tried to do it, and yet did nothing notwithstanding, then to be sure I had no faith, but was a cast-away, 39 GRACE ABOUNDING and lost ; nay, thought I, if it be so, I will not try- yet, but will stay a little longer. 52. So I continued at a great loss; for I thought, if they only had faith, which could do twTxt t?fe ^de^'l SO wonderful things, then I concluded, and my own ig- ^j^^^ for the present I neither had it, norance * ' nor yet for the time to come, were ever like to have it. Thus I was tossed betwixt the devil and my own ignorance, and so perplexed, especi- ally at some times, that I could not tell what to do. $^. About this time, the state and happiness of Akindofavision ^^ese poor people at Bedford wrs thus, presented to me ^^ ^ kind of a vision^ presented to me, I saw as if they were on the sunny side of some high mountain, there refreshing themselves with the pleasant beams of the sun, while I was shivering and shrinking in the cold, afflicted with frost, snow and dark clouds : methought also, betwixt me and them, I saw a wall that did compass about this mountain, now through this wall my soul did greatly desire to pass ; concluding, that if I could, I would even go into the very midst of them, and there also comfort myself with the heat of their sun. 54. About this wall I bethought myself, to go again How I get ^^^ ^g^^"> s^^^^ prying as I went, to through a wall ggg jf \ could find some way or passage, by which I might enter therein : but none could I find for some time : at the last, I saw, as it were, a narrow gap, like a little door-way in the wall, through 40 A WONDERFUL VISION which I attempted to pass : Now the passage being very strait and narrow, I made many offers to get in, but all in vain, even until I was well-nigh quite beat out, by striving to get in ; at last, with great striving, methought I at first did get in my head, and after that, by a sideling striving, my shoulders, and my whole body ; then I was exceeding glad, went and sat down in the midst of them, and so was comforted with the light and heat of their sun. ^^. Now this mountain, and wall, etc., was thus made out to me : The mountain i ^et the vision signified the church of the living God : explained the sun that shone thereon, the comfortable shining of His merciful face on them that were therein ; the wall I thought was the word, that did make separa- tion between the Christians and the world; and the gap which was in the wall, I thought, was Jesus Christ, Who is the way to God the Father. John xiv. 6; Matt. vii. 14. But forasmuch as the pas- sage was wonderful narrow, even so narrow that I could not, but with great difficulty, enter in thereat, it showed me, that none could enter into life, but those that were in downright earnest, and unless also they left that wicked world behind them ; for here was only room for body and soul, but not for body and soul and sin. 56. This resemblance abode upon my spirit many days ; all which time I saw myself in a forlorn and sad condition, but yet was provoked to a vehement 41 GRACE ABOUNDING hanger and desire to be one of that number that did sit in the sunshine : Now also I should pray- wherever I was : whether at home or abroad ; in house or field ; and would also often, with lifting up of heart, sing that of the fifty-first Psalm, Lord^ con- sider my distress ; for as yet I knew not where I was. ^y. Neither as yet could I attain to any comfortable persuasion that I had faith in Christ ; My soul \ , , r 1 . . r ' assaulted with but mstead ot havmg satisfaction res ou s here, I began to find my soul to be assaulted with fresh doubts about my future happi- ness ; especially with such as these, whether I was elected P But how^ if the day of grace should now be past and gone ? 58. By these two temptations I was very much I am disquieted afflicted and disquieted ; sometimes by about election q^c, and sometimes by the other of them. And first, to speak of that about my questioning my election, I found at this time, that though I was in a flame to find the way to heaven and glory, and though nothing could beat me off" from this, yet this question did so oiTend and dis- courage me, that I was, especially sometimes, as if the very strength of my body also had been taken away by the force and power thereof. This scripture did also seem to me to trample upon all my desires ; // is not of him that willeth^ nor of him that runneth ; but of God that showeth mercy, Rom. ix. 16. 59. With this scripture I could not tell what to do : 42 A PERPLEXING QUESTION for I evidently saw, unless that the great God, of Kis infinite grace and bounty, had voluntarily chosen me to be a vessel of mercy, though I should desire, ^nd long, and labour until my heart did break, no good could come of it. Therefore this would stick \^ith me. How can you tell that you are elected ? And what if you should not ? How then ? 60. O Lord, thought I, what if I should not in- deed ? It may be you are not, said the Tempter ; it may be so indeed, thought I. "Why then, said Satan, you had as good leave off, and strive no farther ; for if indeed, you should not be elected and chosen of God, there is no talk of your being saved; For it is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth ; hut of God that showeth mercy. 61. By these things I was driven to my wits' end, not knowing what to say, or how to i was driven to answer these temptations : (indeed, I ^^ ^^^' ®°^ little thought that Satan had thus assaulted me, but that rather it was my own prudence thus to start the question) ; for that the elect only attained eternal life ; that, I without scruple did heartily close withal ; but that myself was one of them, there lay the question. 62. Thus therefore, for several days, I was greatly assaulted and perplexed, and . was often, when I have been walking, assaulted and ready to sink where I went, with P ^ ^^ faintness in my mind j but one day, after I had been 43 GRACE ABOUNDING so many weeks oppressed and cast down therewith, as I was now quite giving up the ghost of all my hopes of ever attaining life, that sentence fell with weight upon my spirit, Look at the generations of old^ and see ; did ever any trust in God, and were confounded ? (>'7^, At which I was greatly lightened, and en- A text enlightens couraged in my soul ; for thus, at that and encourages yerv instant, it was expounded to my soul T> . ; / • . r me : Begin at the beginning of Genesis^ and read to the end of the Revelations^ and see if you canjind^ that there were ever any that trusted in the Lord^ and were confounded. So coming home, I presently went to my Bible, to see if I could find that saying, not doubting but to find it presently ; for it was so fresh, and with such strength and comfort on my spirit, that it was as if it talked with me. 64. Well, I looked, but I found it not ; only it abode upon me : Then did I ask first this good man, and then another, if they knew where it was, but they knew no such place. At this I wondered, that such a sentence should so suddenly, and with such comfort and strength, seize, and abide upon my heart ; and yet that none could find it (for I doubted not but that it was in holy scripture). 6^. Thus I continued above a year, and could not I find the text in find the place; but at last, casting the Apocrypha ^^ ^^^ ^^^^ ^j^^ Apocrypha books, I found it in Ecclesiasticus^ Eccles. ii. 10. This, at 44 IN GREAT DISTRESS the first, did somewhat daunt me ; but because by this time I had got more experience of the love and kindness of God, it troubled me the less, especially when I considered that though it was not in those texts that we call holy and canonical ; yet forasmuch as this sentence was the sum and substance of many of the promises, it was my duty to take the comfort of it ; and I bless God for that word, for it was of God to me: that word doth still at times shine before my face. 66. After this, that other doubt did come with strength upon me, But how if the ,, , ^, o / ,7 7 1 My doubts as to day of grace should be past and gone ? the ' day of How if you have overstood the time of mercy? Now I remember that one day, as I was walking in the country, I was much in the thoughts of this, But how if the day of grace is past ? And to aggravate my trouble, the Tempter presented to my mind those good people of Bedford^ and suggested thus unto me, that these being con- verted already, they were all that God would save in those parts ; and that I came too late, for these had got the blessing before I came. 67. Now I was in great distress, thinking in very deed that this might well be so ; wherefore I went up and down, bemoaning my sad condition ; count- ing myself far worse than a thousand fools for standing off thus long, and spending so many years in sin as I had done ; still crying out, Oh ! that I 45 GRACE ABOUNDING had turned sooner! Oh! that I had turned seven years ago ! It made me also angry with myself, to think that I should have no more wit, but to trifle away my time, till my soul and heaven were lost. 68. But when I had been long vexed with this Sweet words fezT, and was scarce able to take one come to me g^^p ^^Qj-e, just about the same place where I received my other encouragement, these words broke in upon my mind. Compel them to come in^ that my house may he jilled ; and yet there is room. Luke xiv. 22, 23. These words, but especially those, And yet there is room^ were sweet words to me ; for truly I thought that by them I saw there was place enough in heaven for me ; and moreover, that when the Lord Jesus did speak these words. He then did think of me : and that He know- ing that the time would come, that I should be afflicted with fear, that there was no place left for me in His bosom, did before speak this word, and leave it upon record, that I might find help thereby against this vile temptation. This I then verily believed. 69. In the light and encouragement of this word I _, ^ went a pretty while ; and the comfort The words , ^ ^ 1 t 1 1 i_ encourage me a was the more, when I thought that pre ty w 1 e ^^^ Lord Jesus should think on me so long ago, and that He should speak those words on purpose for my sake ; for I did think verily, that He did on purpose speak them to encourage me withal. 46 TYPES AND FIGURES 70. But I was not without my temptations to go back again ; temptations I say, both j ^^^^^^ ^^ from Satan, mine own heart, and Nebuchadnezzar carnal acquaintance ; but I thank God these were outweighed by that sound sense of death, and of the day of judgment, which abode, as it were, con- tinually in my view : I would often also think on Nebuchadnezzar ; of whom it is said. He had given him all the kingdoms of the earth. Dan. v. 18, 19. Yet, thought I, if this great man had all his portion in this world, one hour in hell-fire would make him forget all. Which consideration was a great help to me. 71. I was also made, about this time, to see some- thing concerning the beasts that i see something Moses counted clean and unclean: concerning types I thought those beasts were types of men ; the clean^ types of them that were the people of God ; but the unclean., types of such as were the children of the wicked one. Now I read, that the clean beasts chewed the cud\ that is, thought I, they show us, we must feed upon the word of God: they also parted the hoof. I thought that signified, we must part, if we would be saved, with the ways of ungodly men. And also, in further reading about them, I found, that though we did chew the cud, as the hare\ yet if we walked with claws, like a dog; or if we did part the hoof, like the swine., yet if we did not chew the cud, as the sheep, we were still, for all 47 GRACE ABOUNDING that, but unclean : for I thought the hare to be a type of those that talk of the word, yet walk in the ways of sin ; and that the swine was like him that parted with his outward pollutions, but still wanteth the word of faith, without which there could be no way of salvation, let a man be never so devout. Deut. xiv. After this, I found by reading the word, that those that must be glorified with Christ in another world must he called by Him here ; called to the partaking of a share in His word and righteous- ness, and to the comforts and first-fruits of His Spirit ; and to a peculiar interest in all those heavenly things, which do indeed prepare the soul for that rest, and house of glory, which is in heaven above. 72. Here again I was at a very great stand, I fear I am not ^^t knowing what to do, fearing I called was not called ; for, thought I, if I be not called, what then can do me good ? None but those who are effectually called inherit the kingdom of heaven. But oh ! how I now loved those words that spake of a Christians calling/ as when the Lord said to one. Follow Me-, and to another, Come after Me : and oh, thought I, that He would say so to me too : how gladly would I run after Him ! 73. I cannot now express with what longings and breathings in my soul, I cried to I continued all ° -^ 1^ on a flame to be Christ tO call me. Thus 1 con- converted ^j^^^^ ^^^ ^ ^j^^^ ^jj ^^ ^ ^^^^ ^^ be converted to Jesus Christ; and did also see at 48 FAINT AND FEARFUL that day, such glory in a converted state, that I could not be contented without a share therein. Gold! could it have been gotten for gold, what would I have given for it ? Had I had a whole world, it had all gone ten thousand times over for this, that my soul might have been in a converted state. 74. How lovely now was every one in my eyes, that I thoueht to be converted men ^„^ ^ , ^^ mi 1 What I thought and women. They shone, they walked of converted like a people that carried the broad ^^°^ ^ seal of heaven about them. Oh ! I saw the lot was fallen to them in pleasant places, and they had a goodly heritage. Psalm xvi. But that which made me sick, was that of Christ, in St Mark, He goefb up into a mountain^ and calleth unto Hi?n whom He would^ and they came unto Him. Mark iii. 1 3. "j^. This scripture made me faint and fear, yet it kindled fire in my soul. That _ ,.„ , , •' 1-1 ^ ^*^^^ feared which made me fear, was this; lest Christ would not Christ should have no liking to me, for He called whom He would. But oh ! the glory that I saw in that condition, did still so engage my heart, that I could seldom read of any that Christ did call, but I presently wished. Would I had been in their clothes^ would 1 had been born Peter ; would I had been born John ; or., would I had been by and had heard Him when He called them., how would I have cried., Lord., call me also I But., oh ! I feared He would not call me, D 49 GRACE ABOUNDING 76. And truly, the Lord let me go thus many months together, and shewed me nothing; either that I was ah-eady, or should be called hereafter : but at last after much time spent, and many groans to God, that I might be made partaker of the holy and heavenly calling ; that word came in upon me : / will cleanse their bloody that I have not cleansed^ for the Lord dwelleth in Zion, Joel iii. 21. These words I thought were sent to encourage me to wait still upon God ; and signified unto me, that if I were not already, yet time might come, I might be in truth converted unto Christ. yy. About this time I began to break my mind to those poor people in Bedford, and MrGiffordin- „ / ^ ^ ,. . ,.1 vitesmetohis to tell them my condition; which ^°"'^ when they had heard, they told Mr Gifford of me, who himself also took occasion to talk with me, and was willing to be well persuaded of me, though I think from little grounds: but he invited me to his house, where I should hear him confer with others, about the dealings of GoJ with their souls; from all which I still received more conviction, and from that time began to see some- thing of the vanity and inward wretchedness of my wicked heart; for as yet I knew no great matter therein ; but now it began to be discovered unto me, and also to work at that rate as it never did before. Now I evidently found, that lusts and corruptions put forth themselves within me, in wicked thoughts 50 BUNYAN AT THK HoUSE OF Mr. GlFFORD. He invited 7ne to his house, where I should hear him confer with others^ about the dealings of God with their souls. FAR FROM CONVERSION and desires, which I did not regard before ; my desires also for heaven and life began to fail; I found also, that whereas before my soul was full of longing after God, now it began to hanker after every foolish vanity ; yea, my heart ._ , , , •' J •> J 1 J My soul hankers would not be moved to mind that after every , . , J • ^ •!_ 1. foolish vanity which was good ; it began to be careless, both of my soul and heaven ; it would now continually hang back, both to, and in every duty; and was as a clog on the leg of a bird, to hinder me from flying. 78. Nay, thought I, now I grow worse and worse : now I am farther from con- , version than ever 1 was before, and worse Wherefore I began to sink greatly in my soul, and began to entertain such discouragement in my heart, as laid me as low as hell. If now I should have burned at the stake, I could not believe that Christ had love for me : alas ! I could neither hear Him, nor see Him, nor feel Him, nor favour any of His things; I was driven as with a tempest, my heart would be unclean, and the Canaanites would dwell in the land. 79. Sometimes I would tell my condition to the people of God; which, when they The people of heard, they would pity me, and would ^^^ P^^ ™® tell me of the promises ; but they had as good have told me, that I must reach the sun with my finger, as have bidden me receive or rely upon the promises : 51 GRACE ABOUNDING and as soon I should have done it. All my sense and feeling were against me ; and I saw I had an heart that would sin, and that lay under a law that would condemn. 80. These things have often made me think of the child which the father brought to Christ, who^ while he was yet coming to Him, was thrown down by the devil, and also so rent and torn by him, that he lay down and wallowed, foaming. Luke ix. 42 ; Mark ix. 20. 81. Further, in these days, I would find my *• f- _i. f. ^ heart to shut itself up against the My heart shut , j j • tt- i, 1 j t up agamst the Lord, and agamst His holy word : I have found my unbelief to set, as it were, the shoulder to the door, to keep Him out ; and that too even then, when I have with many a bitter sigh, cried, Good Lord, break it open : Lord, break these gates of brass, and cut these bars of iron asunder. Psalm cvii. 16. Yet that word would sometimes create in my heart a peaceable pause, / girded thee, though thou hast not known Me. Isaiah xlv. 5. 82. But all this while, as to the act of sinning, I was never more tender than now: My conscience ^ - ^ sore, I go my hmder parts were mward : I durst gingery ^^^ ^^j^^ ^ pl^ ^^ Stick, though but so big as a straw ; for my conscience now was sore, and would smart at every touch : I could not now tell how to speak my words, for fear I should mi^- 5^ ON A MIRY BOG place them. Oh, how gingerly did I then go, in all I did or said ! I found myself as on a miry bog, that shook if I did but stir, and was, as there, left both of God and Christ, and the Spirit, and all good things. 83. But I observed, though I was such a great sinner before conversion, yet God never much charged the guilt of the sins of my ignorance upon me ; only He showed me, I was lost if I had not Christ, because I had been a sinner: I saw that I wanted a perfect righteousness to present me without fault before God, and this righteousness was no where to be found, but in the Person of Jesus Christ. 84. But my original and inward pollution ; That, that was my plaeue and affliction, that ,, , ,, J i^ o 1 More loathsome I saw at a dreadful rate, always in mine own eyes • r^^^^^^• 1 thsjl Si toa.Q puttmg forth itself withm me; that I had the guilt of, to amazement ; by reason of that, I was more loathsome in mine own eyes than was a toad, and I thought I was so in God's eyes too : Sin and corruption, I said, would as naturally bubble out of my heart, as water would bubble out of a fountain : I thought now, that every one had a better heart than I had ; I could have changed heart with any body; I thought none but the devil himself could equalise me for inward wicked- ness and pollution of mind. I fell therefore at the sight of my own vileness deeply into despair ; for I 53 GRACE ABOUNDING concluded, that this condition that I was in, could not stand with a state of grace. Sure, thought I, „ , I am forsaken of God ; sure, I am * Sure, lam . i i •, i given up to the given up to the devil, and to a reprobate mind : and thus I con- tinued a long while, even for some years together. 85. While I was thus afflicted with the fears of Twothing-s ^7 ^^^ damnation, there were two make me wonder things would make me wonder; the one was, when I saw old people hunting after the things of this life, as if they should live here always : the other was, when I found professors much dis- tressed and cast down, when they met with out- ward losses ; as of husband, wife, child, etc. Lord, thought I, what a-do is here about such little things as these ! What seeking after carnal things, by some, and what grief in others for the loss of them ! if they so much labour after, and shed so many tears for the things of this present life, how am I to be bemoaned, pitied, and prayed for! My soul is dying, my soul is damning. Were my soul but in a good condition, and were I but sure of it, ah ! how rich should I esteem myself, though blessed but with bread and water! I should count those but small afflictions, and should bear them as little burthens. A wounded spirit who can bear / 86. And though I was much troubled, and tossed, and afflicted, with the sight and sense and terror of 54 TROUBLED AND TOSSED my own wickedness, yet I was afraid to let this sight and sense go quite oiF my mind : for I found, that unless guilt of conscience was taken off the right way, that is, by the Jf^sdencr" blood of Christ, a man ojrew rather taken off the ' o right way worse for the loss of his trouble of mind, than better. Wherefore, if my guilt lay hard upon me, then I should cry that the blood of Christ might take it oiF: and if it was going off without it (for the sense of sin would be sometimes as if it would die, and go quite away), then I would also strive to fetch it upon my heart again, by bringing the punishment of sin in hell fire upon my spirit ; and should cry, Lord^ let it not go off my hearty but the right ivay^ by the blood of Christy and the application of Thy mercy ^ through Him^ to my soul ; for that scripture lay much upon me, without shedding of blood is no remission, Heb. ix. 22. And that which made me the more afraid of this, was, because I had seen some, who though when they were under wounds of conscience, would cry and pray; yet seeking rather present ease from their trouble, than pardon for their sin, cared not how they lost their guilt, so they got it out of their mind : now, having got it off the wrong way, it was not sanctified unto them ; but they grew harder and blinder, and more wicked after their trouble. This made me afraid, and made me cry to God the more, that it might not be so with me. SS GRACE ABOUNDING 87. And now I was sorry that God had made me ^^ ^ man, for I feared I was a reprobate ; I was sorry that ' * , God had made I counted man as unconverted, the most doleful of all the creatures. Thus being afflicted and tossed about my sad con- dition, I counted myself alone, and above the most of men unblessed. 88. Yea, I thought it impossible that ever I should attain to so much goodness of condition of* heart, as to thank God that He had beasts, birds, made me a man. Man indeed is nshes, etc. the most noble by creation, of all creatures in the visible world ; but by sin he has made himself the most ignoble. The beasts, birds, iishes, etc. I blessed their condition ; for they had not a sinful nature ; they were not obnoxious to the wrath of God ; they were not to go to hell-fire after death ; I could therefore have rejoiced, had my condition been as any of theirs. '^ 89. In this condition I went a great while, but I get comfort by ^heu Comforting time was come, I a sermon heard one preach a sermon on these words in the song. Song iv. i, Behold^ thou art fair^ my love^ heboid^ thou art fair. But at that time he made these two words, my love^ his chief and subject matter: from which, after he had a little opened the text, he observed these several con- clusions : I. That the churchy and so every saved soul^ is Chris fs love^ when loveless, 2. Christ's love with- 56 'THOU ART MY LOVE' out a cause, 3. Christ's love^ when hated of the world. 4. Christ's love^ when under temptation and under destruction. 5. Christ's love^fromjirst to last. 90. But I got nothing by what he said at present ; only when he came to the application of the fourth particular, this was the word he said ; If it be so, that the saved soul is Christ's love, when under temptation and desertion ; then poor tempted soul^ when thou art assaulted^ and afflicted with temptations^ and the hidings of God's face^ yet think on these two words ^ 'My love,' still. 91. So as I was going home, these words came again into my thoughts ; and I well lemember, as they came in, I said * my love,' make thus in my heart. What shall I get ^^ °° "^* by thinking on these two words P This thought had no sooner passed through my heart, but these words began thus to kindle in my spirit, Thou art My Love., thou art My Dove., twenty times together ; and still as they ran in my mind, they waxed stronger and warmer, and began to make me look up; but being as yet, between hope and fear, I still replied in my heart, But is it true., but is it true? At which that sentence fell upon me, He wist not that it was true., which was done by the Angel, Acts xii. 9. 92. Then I began to give place to the word which with power, did over and over make this joy- ful sound within my soul, ' Thou art My Love., thou S7 GRACE ABOUNDING art My Love^ and nothing shall separate thee from Mj ,, , . „ , Love. And with that my heart was My heart full of rn i r n r r 11 comfort and filled full of comfort and hope, and ^^^ now I could believe that my sins should be forgiven me ; yea, I was now so taken with the love and mercy of God, that I remember I could not tell how to contain till I got home : I thought I could have spoken of His love, and have told of His mercy to me, even to the very crows that sat upon the ploughed lands before me, had they been capable to have understood me : where- fore I said in my soul, with much gladness, PF r e> I have a good blood of Hts cross. Col. i. 20. By day in the which I was made to see, both again °"°"^ and again, that God and my soul were friends by His blood ; yea, I saw that the justice of God, and my sinful soul could embrace and kiss each other, through His blood. This was a good day to me ; I hope I shall never forget it. 116. At another time, as I sat by the fire in my house, and was musing on my wretchedness, the Lord made that Jead^t^lwoon also a precious word unto me, Foras- with solid joy » , 7 7.77 7 and peace much then as the children are partakers ofjlesh and bloody He also Himself likewise took part of the same^ that through death He might destroy him that had the power of death ^ that is the devil; and de- liver those who through fear of death^ were all their lifetime subject to bondage, Heb. ii. 14, 15. I thought that the glory of these words was then so weighty on me, that I was both once and twice ready to swoon as I sate; yet not with grief and trouble, but with solid joy and peace. 117. At this time also I sate under the ministry of holy Mr Gifford, whose doctrine, ministrv bv God's grace, was much for my of holy Mr i^-r S^i.- J • u Giffordwas stability. This man made it much much for my his business to deliver the people of stability God from all those false and unsound tests, that 69 GRACE ABOUNDING by nature we are prone to. He would bid us take special heed, that we took not up any truth upon trust; as from this, or that, or any other man or men; but to cry mightily to God, that He would convince us of the reality thereof, and set us down therein by His own Spirit in the holy word ; For^ said he, if you do otherwise^ when temptations come^ if strongly^ you not having received them with evidence from heaven^ will find you want that help and strength now to resist^ that once you thought you had. 1 1 8. This was as seasonable to my soul, as the A seasonable former and latter rains in their word to my soul season (for I had found, and that by sad experience, the truth of these his words: for I had felt no man can say^ especially when tempted by the devil, that Jesus Christ is Lord.^ but by the Holy Ghost'). Wherefore I found my soul, through grace, very apt to drink in this doctrine, and to incline to pray to God, that in nothing that pertained to God's glory, and my own eternal happi- ness. He would suiFer me to be without the con- firmation thereof from heaven ; for now I saw clearly, there was an exceeding difference betwixt the notion of the flesh and blood, and the revelations of God in heaven : also a great difference betwixt that faith that is feigned, and according to man's wisdom, and that which comes by a man's being born thereto of God. Matt. xvi. 15; i John V. I. 70 OUT OF THE GRAVELS MOUTH 119. But, oh! now, how was my soul led from truth to truth by God ! Even from „ , , ^ ^ My soul led the birth and cradle of the Son of from truth to God, to His accession, and second coming from heaven to judge the world ! 120. Truly, I then found, upon this account, the great God was very good unto me ; for, to my remembrance, there was ie7Soth?^ not any thing that I then cried unto ^orrjesus^* God to make known, and reveal unto me, but He was pleased to do it for me; I mean, not one part of the gospel of the Lord Jesus, but I was orderly led into it : methought I saw with great evidence, from the relation of the four evangelists, the wonderful work of God, in giving Jesus Christ to save us, from His conception and birth, even to His second coming to judgment : me- thought I was as if I had seen Him born, as if I had seen Him grow up ; as if I had seen Him walk through this world, from the cradle to the cross; to which also, when He came, I saw how gently He gave Himself to be hanged, and nailed on it for my sins and wicked doings. Also as I was musing on this His progress, that dropped on my spirit, He was ordained for the slaughter, i Peter i. 12, 20. 121. When I have considered also the truth of His resurrection, and have remembered that word. Touch Me not^ Mary^ etc., I have seen as if He had leaped out of the grave's mouth, 71 GRACE ABOUNDING for joy that He was risen again, and had got the conquest over our dreadful foes. The scriptures t i t i i • i confirm me in John XX. 1 7. I have also m the relurreSion^^* Spirit, seen Him a man, on the right hand of God the Father for me ; and have seen the manner of His coming from heaven, to judge the world with glory, and have been con- firmed in these things by these scriptures following. Acts i. 9, 10, and vii. ^6, and x. 42; Heb. vii. 24 and ix. 28; Rev. i. 18; i Thess. iv. 17, 18. 122. Once I was troubled to know whether the Lord Jesus was man as well as God, The divinity and 1 /-> 1 n 11 manhood of the and God as well as man : and truly, would, unless I had it with evidence from heaven, all was nothing to me ; I counted myself not set down in any truth of God. Well, I was much troubled about this point, and could not tell how to be resolved ; at last, that in Rev. v. 6 came into my mind : j4nd I beheld, and, lo, in the midst of the throne, and of the four beasts, and in the midst of the elders, stood a Lamb, as it had been slain. In the midst of the throne, thought I, there is the Godhead ; in the midst of the elders, there is His manhood ; but, oh I methought this did glister ! It was a goodly touch, and gave me sweet satisfaction. That other scripture also did help me much in this^ For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given ; and the government shall be upon His shoulder : and 72 THE QUAKER CONTROVERSY His name shall be called Wonderful^ Counsellor^ the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace, etc. Isa. ix. 6. 123. Also besides these teachings of God in His word, the Lord made use of two j^m confirmed ihine:s to confirm me in this truth; in the truth by ° r 1 *^^ errors of the the one was the errors or the Quakers and the Quakers, and the other was the ^ ° ^"* guilt of sin ; for as the Quakers did oppose this truth, so God did the more confirm me in it, by leading me into the scripture that did wonderfully maintain it. 124. The errors that this people then maintained, were : — ' I. That the holy scriptures were not the word of God. ' 2. That every man in the world had the spirit of Christ, grace, faith, etc. *3. That Christ Jesus, as crucified, and dying sixteen hundred years ago, did not satisfy divine justice for the sins of the people. '4. That Christ's flesh and blood were within the saints. ' 5. That the bodies of the good and bad that are buried in the church-yard, shall not arise again. * 6. That the resurrection is past with good men already. * 7. That that man Jesus, that was crucified between two thieves, on mount Calvary, in the GRACE ABOUNDING land of Canaan^ by Jerusalem^ was not ascended above the starry heavens. ' 8. That He should not, even the same Jesus that died by the hands of the Jews, come again at the last day; and as man, judge all nations/ etc. 125. Many more vile and abominable things were in those days fomented by them, by which I was driven to a more narrow search of the scriptures, and was through their light and testimony, not only enlightened, but greatly confirmed and comforted in the truth : And, as I said, the guilt of sin did help me much ; for still as that would come upon me, the blood of Christ did take it off again, and again, and again; and that too sweetly, according to the scripture. friends ! cry to God to reveal Jesus Christ unto you\ there is none teacheth like Him, 126. It would be too long here to stay, to tell you in particular, how God did set me Christ opened down in all the things of Christ, and *^°"^* how He did, that He might so do, lead me into His words ; yea, and also how He did open them unto me, and make them shine before me, and cause them to dwell with me, talk with me, and comfort me over and over, both of His own being, and the being of His Son, and Spirit, and word, and gospel. 127. Only this, as I said before, I will say unto you again, that in general. He was pleased to take 74 LONGING FOR THE LAST DAY this course with me ; first, to suffer me to be afflicted with temptations concerning them, and then reveal them unto ZyVS^^"^^^ me ; as sometimes I should he under afflicted with ' . . temptations great guilt for sin, even crushed to the ground therewith ; and then the Lord would show me the death of Christ ; yea, so sprinkle my con- science with His blood, that I should find, and that before I was aware, that in that conscience, where but just now did reign and rage the law, even there would rest and abide the peace and love of God, through Christ. 128. Now I had an evidence, as I thought, of my salvation, from heaven, with many ,^ ^ 11 11 1 • • Ihadanevi- golden seals thereon, all nangmg m denceofmy my sight. Now could I remember this manifestation, and the other discovery of grace, with comfort; and should often long and desire that the last day were come, that I might be for ever inflamed with the sight, and joy, and com- munion of Him, Whose head was crowned with thorns, Whose face was spit upon, and body broken, and soul made an offering for my sins. For whereas before I lay continually trembling at the mouth of hell, now methought I was got so far therefrom, that I could not, when I looked back, scarce discern it ! And oh ! thought I, that I were fourscore years old now, that I might die quickly, that my soul might be gone to rest. 75 GRACE ABOUNDING 129. But before I had got thus far out of these my temptations, I did greatly long I lonff to see ^ • ^ j 1 > some ancient to see some ancient godly man s expenSi^'* experience, who had writ some hundreds of years before I was born ; for those who had writ in our days, I thought (but I desire them now to pardon me) that they had writ only that which others felt ; or else had, through the strength of their wits and parts, studied to answer such objections as they perceived others were perplexed with, without going down themselves into the deep. Well, after many such longings in my mind, the God, in Whose hands are all our days and ways, did cast into my hand (one day) a book of Martin Luther s\ it was his Comment on the Galatians\ it also was so old, that it was ready to fall piece from piece if I did but turn it over. Now I was pleased much that such an old book Goddidcastinto ^^^ ^^^^^" ^^^^ "^7 ^^^^' ^^^ ^^^^^ my hand when I had but a little way perused, Luther's ^ . , ... . /. ^ .' Comment on 1 fouud my Condition in nis experi- theGalatiana ^^^^^ ^^ j^^^^j^ ^^^ profoundly handled, as if his book had been written out of my heart. This made me marvel : for thus thought I, This man could not know any thing of the state of Christians now^ but ??iust needs write and speak the experience of former days, 130. Besides, he doth most gravely also in that book, debate of the rise of these temptations, 76 LUTHER ON GALATIANS namely, blasphemy, desperation, and the like ; showing that the law of Moses ^ as f th' b k well as the devil, death, and hell, before all the , , 111* books (except hath a very great hand therein : the Bible) that the which, at first, was very strange ®^^^ ^ ^^^^ ®^®° to me ; but considering and watching, I found it so indeed. But of particulars here, I intend nothing; only this methinks I must let fall before all men — I do prefer this book of Martin Lidher upon the Galatians (excepting the Holy Bible) before all the books that ever I had seen, as most fit for a wounded conscience. 131. And now I found, as I thought, that I loved Christ dearly: Oh! methought my j ^^j, ^^ j^^^ to soul cleaved unto Him, my afiections Christ as hot as cleaved unto Him; I felt love to Him as hot as fire ; and now, as Joh said, / thought I should die in my nest ; but I did quickly find, that my great love was but little ; and that I, who had, as I thought, such burning love to Jesus Christ, could let Him go again for a very trifle, — God can tell how to abase us, and can hide pride from man. Quickly after this my love was tried to purpose. 132. For after the Lord had, in this manner, thus graciously delivered me from this great and sore temptation, and had set me down so sweetly in the faith of His holy gospel, and had given me such strong consolation and blessed evidence from heaven, touching my interest in His love through Christ; 77 GRACE ABOUNDING the tempter came upon me again, and that with a more grievous and dreadful temptation than before. 133. And that was, To sell and part with this most blessed Christy to exchange Him 7ame*upo^n me to fir the things of this life, fir any thing, sell Christ for 'j-j^g temptation lay upon me for the space of a year, and did follow me so continually, that I was not rid of it one day in a month : no, not sometimes one hour in many days together, unless when I was asleep. 134. And though, in my judgment, I was per- suaded, that those who were once effectually in Christ (as I hoped, through His grace, I had seen myself) could never lose Him for ever; The land shall not be sold for ever^ for the land is mine, saith God. Lev. XXV. 23. Yet it was a continual vexation to me, to think that I should have so much as one such thought within me against a Christ, a Jesus, that had done for me as He had done ; and yet then I had almost none others, but such blasphemous ones. 135. But it was neither my dislike of the thought, nor yet any desire and endeavour to resist, that in the least did shake or abate the continuation or force and strength thereof; for it did always, in almost whatever I thought, intermix itself therewith, in such sort, that I could neither eat my food, stoop for a pin, chop a stick, or cast mine eye to look on this or that, but still the temptation would come, 78 TORTURED, AS UPON A RACK Sell Christ for this^ or sell Christ for that ; sell Him^ sell Him, 136. Sometimes it would run in my thoughts, not so little as a hundred times to- a hundred times eether, Sell Him, sell Him, sell Him : together my ° . , . . r r 11 thoughts were agamst which, I may say, for whole ' Sell Him, sell hours together, I have been forced ^^ """ "^'^ to stand as continually leaning and forcing my spirit against it, lest haply, before I were aware, some wicked thought might arise in my heart, that might consent thereto ; and sometimes the tempter would make me believe I had consented to it ; but then 1 should be, as tortured upon a rack for whole days together. 137. This temptation did put me to such scares, lest I should at some times, I say, , ' "^ ^ I was scared consent thereto, and be overcome lest i should therewith, that by the very force of my mind, in labouring to gainsay and resist this wickedness, my very body would be put into action or motion, by way of pushing or thrusting with my hands or elbows ; still answering, as fast as the destroyer said. Sell Him; I will not, I will not, I will not, I will not ; no, not for thousands, thousands, thousands of worlds : thus reckoning, lest I should, in the midst of these assaults, set too low a value on Him ; even until I scarce well knew where I was, or how to be composed again. 138. At these seasons he would not let me eat 79 GRACE ABOUNDING my food at quiet; but, forsooth, when I was set I could not eat ^^ ^^^ ^^^^^ ^^ "^7 "^^^^ ^ "^"^t gO my food at quiet hence to pray ; I must leave my food now, just now, so counterfeit holy also would this devil be. When I was thus tempted, I would say in myself, Now I am at meat ; let me make an end. No, said he, you must do it now^ or you will dis- please God, and despise Christ. Wherefore I was much afflicted with these things ; and because of the sinfulness of my nature (imagining that these were impulses from God), I should deny to do it, as if I denied God, and then should I be as guilty, because I did not obey a temptation of the devil, as if I had broken the law of God indeed. 139. But to be brief: one morning as I did lie in After much ^1 ^^^J ^ was, as at other times, striving the most fiercely assaulted with this thought came, • m / » * Let Him go, if temptation, 10 sell and part with Christ', the wicked suggestion still running in my mind, Sell Him^ sell Him^ sell Him^ sell Him^ sell Him^ as fast as a man could speak : against which also, in my mind, as at other times, I answered, No^ no, not for thousands^ thousands, thousands, at least twenty times together : but at last, after much striving, even until I was almost out of breath, I felt this thought pass through my heart. Let Him go, if He will ; and I thought also, that I felt my heart freely consent thereto. Oh! 80 BuNYAN IN Despair. I iveJtt mopiiis into the field : but God knoivs^ with as heavy a heart as mortal man, I think, could bear ; where, for the space of two hours, I 7vas like a man bereft of life. WORDS AS FETTERS OF BRASS the diligence of Satan ! Oh ! the desperateness of man's heart ! 140. Now was the battle won, and down fell I, as a bird that is shot from the top j^^^^ ^^jj j ^^^^ of a tree, into great guilt, and fearful despair fearful despair. Thus getting out of my bed, I went moping into the field; but God knows, with as heavy a heart as mortal man, I think, could bear ; where for the space of two hours, I was like a man bereft of life ; and, as now, past all recovery, and bound over to eternal punishment. 141. And withal, that scripture did seize upon my soul : Or profane person^ as Esau^ who for one morsel of meat^ sold his birthright : for ye know^ how that afterward^ when he would have inherited the blessings he was rejected ; for he found no place of repentance^ though he sought it carefully with tears, Heb. xii. 16, 17. 142. Now was I as one bound, I felt myself shut up unto the judgment to come; nothing now, for two years together, noThir^^wouW would abide with me, but damnation, ^^^f with me ^ , ' but damnation and an expectation of damnation : I say, nothing now would abide with me but this, save some few moments for relief, as in the sequel you will see. 143. These words were to my soul, like fetters of brass to my legs, in the continual sound of which I went for several months together. But about ten F 81 GRACE ABOUNDING or eleven o'clock on that day, as I was walking This sentence ^"^^^ ^^ ^^^g^ (^^^^ ^^ ^^^^^^ ^"^ rushed upon me, guilt, God knows\ and bemoaninc: ♦The blood of ^ \r r i • i j i^ i ? Christ remits all myself for this hard hap, that such ^"^* a thought should arise within me, suddenly this sentence rushed in upon me, T/je blood of Christ remits all guilt. At this I made a stand in my spirit : with that this word took hold upon me, The blood of Jesus Christ His Soriy cleanseth us from all sin, i John i. 7. 144. Now I began to conceive peace in my soul, and methought I saw, as if the The tempter did ,. . ? , , ^ leer and steel tempter did leer and steal away from away from me ^^^ ^^ ^^j^^^ ashamed of what he had done. At the same time also I had my sin, and the blood of Christ, thus represented to me. That my sin, when compared to the blood of Christ, was no more to it, than this little clod or stone before me, is to this vast and wide field that here I see. This gave me good encouragement for the space of two or three hours; in which time also, methought, I saw, by faith, the Son of God, as suffering for my sins : but because it tarried not, I therefore sunk in my spirit, under exceeding guilt again. 145. But chiefly by the aforementioned scripture concerning Esaiis selling of his birthright ; for that scripture would lie all day long, all the week long, yea, all the year long in my mind, and hold me down, so 82 A SAD AND CAREFUL HEART that I could by no means lift up myself ; for when I would strive to turn to this scripture or that, for relief, still that sentence would be sounding in me ; For ye know^ how that afterwards^ when he would have inherited the blessings he found no place of repentance^ though he sought it carefully with tears. 146. Sometimes, indeed, I should have a touch from that in Luke xxii. ?i, / have ^^ . Now V73is I tore prayed for thee that thy faith fail and rent for not \ but it would not abide upon °^^^ *^* me ; neither could I, indeed, when I considered my state, find ground to conceive in the least, that there should be the root of that grace in me, having sinned as I had done. Now was I tore and rent in an heavy case for many days together. 147. Then began I with sad and careful heart to consider of the nature and largeness of . search t es my sin, and to search into the word of a word of pro- Gk)d, if I could in any place espy a word of promise, or any encouraging sentence, by which I might take relief. Wherefore I began to consider that of Mark iii. 28 : All sins shall he forgiven unto the sons of men.^ and blasphemies wherewith soever they shall blaspheme. Which place, methought at a blush, did contain a large and glorious promise for the pardon of high offences ; but considering the place more fully, I thought it was rather to be under- stood, as relating more chiefly to those who had, while in a natural estate, committed such things as there 83 GRACE ABOUNDING are mentioned ; but not to me, who had not only re- ceived light and mercy, but that had both after, and also contrary to that, so slighted Christ as I had done. 148. I feared, therefore, that this wicked sin of -- - . mine, mie^ht be that sin unpardon- I feared my sin . mig-ht be the sin able, of which He there thus speaketh. But be that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost ^hath never forgiveness^ but is in danger of eternal damnation. Mark iii. 29. And I did the rather give credit to this, because of that sentence in the Hebrews: For you know how that afterwards.^ when he would have inherited the blessing.^ he was rejected ; for he found no place of repentance^ though he sought it care- fully with tears. And this stuck always with me. 149. And now was I both a burthen and a terror I was a burthen ^o myself; nor did I ever so know, and terror to as now, what it was to be weary myself \ ■> or my life, and yet arraid to die. Oh ! how gladly now would I have been anybody but myself! anything but a man, and in any con- dition but my own ! For there was nothing did pass more frequently over my mind, than that it was im- possible for me to be forgiven my transgression, and to be saved from the wrath to come. 150. And now I began to labour to call again «G dh thi t ^^^^ ^^^ ^^^ spent; wishing a thou- me g-0, and I sand times twice told, that the day am fallen ' 1 t 1 1 1 1 was yet to come, when I should be tempted to such a sin ; concluding with great indig- 84 THE GREAT TRANSGRESSION nation, both against my heart, and all assaults, how I would rather have been torn in pieces, than be found a consenter thereto. But alas ! these thoughts, and wishings, and resolvings were now too late to help me ; this thought had passed my heart, God hath let me go, and I am fallen. Oh ! thought I, that it were with me as in months past^ as in the days when God preserved me ! Job xxix. 2. 151. Then again, being loth and unwilling to perish, I began to compare my sin i compare my with others, to see if I could find sin with David's that any of those that were saved, had done as I had done. So I considered David's adultery, and murder, and found them most heinous crimes ; and those too committed after light and grace received : but yet by considering that his transgressions were only such as were against the law of Moses^ from which the Lord Christ could, with the consent of His word, deliver him : but mine was against the gospel; yea, against the Mediator thereof; I had sold my Saviour. 152. Now again should I be as if racked upon the wheel, when I considered, that, besides the guilt that possessed me, racked upon the I should be so void of grace, so be- witched. What, thought I, must it be no sin but this? Must it needs be the great transgression ? Ps. xix. 1 3. Must that wicked one touch my soul? 1 John v. 18, Oh! what sting did I find in all these sentences? 85 GRACE ABOUNDING 153. What, thought I, is there but one sin that is unpardonable ? but one sin that Butonesmun- 111 1 • i 1 1 pardonable, and layeth the soul Without the reach mu^U be guilty ^f Q^j,^ j^^^^y. ^^^ j^^g^ J ^g guiky of thatt must it needs be that ? Is there but one sin among so many millions of sins, for which there is no forgiveness ; and must I commit this ? Oh ! unhappy sin ! Oh ! unhappy man \ These things would so break and confound my spirit, that I could not tell what to do; I thought at times, they would have broke my wits; and still, to aggravate my misery, that would run in my mind. Ton know^ how^ that afterwards^ when he would have inherited the blessings he was rejected. Oh ! no one knows the terrors of those days hut myself 154. After this I began to consider of Peter's Peter's sin and ^^"? which he committed in denying °"°® his Master: and indeed, this came nighest to mine of any that I could find, for he had denied his Saviour, as I, after light and mercy re- ceived ; yea, and that too, after warning given him. I also considered, that he did it both once and twice ; and that, after time to consider betwixt. But though I put all these circumstances together, that, if possible I might find help, yet I considered again, that his was but a denial of his Master^ but mine was, a selling of my Saviour, Wherefore I thought with myself, that I came nearer to Judas^ than either to David or Peter, Z6 A SON OF PERDITION 155. Here again my torment would flame out and afflict me ; yea, it would grind me, as ,^y torment it were to powder, to consider the flames out and preservation of God towards others, while I fell into the snare ; for in my thus consider- ing of other men's sins, and comparing them with mine own, I could evidently see, God preserved them, notwithstanding their wickedness, and would not let them, as He had let me, become a son of perdition. 156. But oh! how did my soul at this time prize the preservation that God did set about His people ! Ah, how safely thf p^r^eseKation did I see them walk, whom God had g°f „^'^^^f °'^* ' ... "^^ people hedged in ! They were within His care, protection, and special providence: though they were full as bad as I by nature ; yet because He loved them. He would not suffer them to fall without the range of mercy : but as for me, I was gone, I had done it: He would not preserve me, nor keep me; but suffered me, because I was a reprobate, to fall as I had done. Now did those blessed places that speak of God's keeping His people, shine like the sun before me, though not to comfort me, ytt to show me the blessed state and heritage of those whom the Lord had blessed. 1 5 7. Now I saw, that as God had His hand in all the providences and dispensations that overtook His 87 GRACE ABOUNDING elect ; so He had His hand in all the temptations _ , , , . that they had to sin aojainst Him ; God's hand in ■' . . • i i the temptations not to animate them to wickedness, of His elect ^^^ ^^ choose their temptations and troubles for them; and also to leave them for a time, to such sins only that might not destroy, but humble them; as might not put them beyond, but lay them in the way of the renewing His mercy. But oh! what love, what care, what kindness and mercy did I now see, mixing itself with the most severe and dreadful of all God's ways to His people ! He would let David^ Hezekiah^ Solomon^ Peter^ and others, fall ; but He would not let them fall into sin unpardonable, nor into hell for sin. Oh ! thought I, these be the men that God hath loved ; these be the men that God, though He chastiseth them, keeps them in safety by Him ; and them whom He makes to abide under the shadow of the Almighty. But all these thoughts added sorrow, grief, and horror to me, as whatever I now thought on, it was killing to me. If I thought how God kept things^rmight ^is own, that was killing to me; if overthrow °^ I thought of how I was fallen my- self, that was killing to me. As all things wrought together for the best, and to do good to them that were the called, according to His purpose, so I thought that all things wrought for my damage, and for my eternal over- throw. 88 FROM TROUBLE TO SORROW 158. Then again I began to compare my sin with the sin of Judas, that, if possible, I , • 1 r J T • ^'(T 1 r 1 Icomparemy might nnd ir mine aiiiered rrom that, sin v/ith the sin which in truth is unpardonable : and oh ! thought I, if it should differ from it, though but the breadth of an hair, what a happy condition is my soul in! And by considering, I found that Judas did this intentionally, but mine was against my prayer and strivings : besides, his was committed with much deliberation, but mine in a fearful hurry, on a sudden : all this while I was tossed to and fro like the locusts, and driven from trouble to sorrow; hearing always the sound of Esau's fall in mine ears, and the dreadful consequences thereof. 159. Yet this consideration about Judas^s sin was, for awhile, some little relief to me ; for I saw I had not, as to the circumstances, transgressed so fully as he. But this was quickly gone again, for I thought with myself, there might be more ways than one to commit this unpardonable sin ; also I thought there might be degrees of that, as well as of other transgressions ; wherefore, for aught I yet could perceive, this iniquity of mine might be such, as might never be passed by. 160. I was often now ashamed that I should be hke such an ugly man as Judas: I i^^g ashamed thought also how loathsome I should *o ^^ ^}^^ such , ° „ , . 1 1 r an ugly man as be unto all the saints at the day of Judas judgment : insomuch that now 1 could scarce see a 89 GRACE ABOUNDING good man, that I believed had a good conscience, but I should feel my heart tremble at him, while I was in his presence. Oh ! now I saw a glory in walking with God, and what a mercy it was to have a good conscience before Him. 1 6 1. I was much about that time tempted to content myself by receiving some false Jp^inron^about Opinion ;^ as, that there should be no thedayofjudg- such thing as a day of judgment; that we should not rise again ; and that sin was no such grievous thing: the tempter suggesting thus : For if these things should indeed be true^ yet to believe otherwise would yield you ease for the present. If you must perish^ never torment yourself so much beforehand : drive the thoughts of damning out of your mind, by possessing your mind with some such conclusions that Atheists and Ranters use to help themselves withal, 162. But oh! when such thoughts have led t-i. .1- throuejh my heart, how, as it were, I thought the o ; , , , , , • , Judge stood at withm a Step, hath death and judg- ment been in my view! methought the Judge stood at the door ; I was as if it was come already; so that such things could have no enter- tainment. But methinks, I see by this, that Satan will use any means to keep the soul from Christ; he loveth not an awakened frame of spirit ; security, blindness, darkness, and error, is the very kingdom and habitation of the wicked one. 90 DAGGERS IN MY SOUL 163. I found it a hard work now to pray to God, because despair was swallowing me up; I thought I was as with a f^'STf^lfit tempest, driven away from God ; for ^^^^ ^^^^ to always when I cried to God for mercy, this would come in, 'Tis too late^ I am lost, God hath let me fall \ not to my correction^ hut con- demnation : my sin is unpardonable ; and I know^ concerning Esau, how that after he had sold his birth- right^ he would have received the blessing^ but was rejected. About this time I did light on that dreadful story of that miserable mortal Francis Spira ; a book that was to my troubled spirit, as salt, when rubbed into a fresh wound : j ^ead the story every sentence in that book, every ^^ Francis Spira groan of that man, with all the rest of his actions in his dolours, as his tears, his prayers, his gnashing of teeth, his wringing of hands, his twining and twist- ing, and languishing, and pining away under that mighty hand of God that was upon him, were as knives and daggers in my soul ; ^especially that sentence of his was frightful to me, Man knows the beginning of sin^ but who bounds the issues thereof? Then would the former sentence, as the conclusion of all, fall like an hot thunderbolt again upon my conscience ; For you know how that afterwards^ when he would have inherited the blessings he was rejected ; for he found no place of repentance^ though he sought it carefully with tears, 91 GRACE ABOUNDING 164. Then should I be struck into a very great , , ,, , tremblinc^, insomuch that at sometimes I felt such a o' ciog-ging at my I could, for wholc davs together, feel stomach by , , ,, . , reason of my T^J very body, as well as my mmd, to *^^^°'" shake and totter under the sense of this dreadful judgment of God, that should fall on those that have sinned that most fearful and un- pardonable sin. I felt also such a clogging and heat at my stomach, by reason of this my terror, that I was, especially at some times, as if my breast-bone would split asunder; then I thought of that concerning Judas, who by falling headlong^ he burst asunder in the midst^ and all his bowels gushed out. Acts i. 1 8. 165. I feared also that this was the mark that the Lord did set on Cain.^ even con- twine, and shrink tinual fear and trembling, under the undermyburthen ^^^^^ j^^^ ^^ ^^jj^ ^j^^^ j^^ j^^^ charged on him for the blood of his brother Abel. Thus did I wind, and twine, and shrink under the burthen that was upon me ; which burthen also did so oppress me, that I could neither stand, nor go, nor lie, either at rest or quiet. 166. Yet that saying would sometimes come into my mind, He hath received gifts for the rebellious. Psalm Ixviii. 18. The rebellious^ thought I! why surely they are such as once were under subjection to their Prince; even those who after they have sworn subjection to His government, have taken up arms against Him ; and this, thought I, is my very 92 GIFTS FOR THE REBELLIOUS condition : I once loved I lim, feared Him, served Him ; but now I am a rebel ; 1 have sold Him, I have said, Let Him go, if He will-, but yet He has gifts for rebels ; and then why not for me ? 167. This sometimes I thought on, and should labour to take hold thereof, that some, though small refreshment, might have grcing to execu- been conceived by me ; but in this also I missed of my desire ; I was driven with force be- yond it ; I was like a man going to execution, even by that place where he would fain creep in and hide himself, but may not. 168. -Again, after I had thus considered the sins of the saints in particular, and found „ . ^ ' \ My sins beyond mine went beyond them, then I began the sins of the to think with myself, Set the case I ^^^" ^ should put all theirs together, and mine alone against them, might I not then find some encouragement? for if mine, though bigger than any one, yet should be but equal to all, then there is hopes ; for that blood that hath virtue enough in it to wash away all theirs, had virtue enough in it to do away mine, though this one be full as big, if not bigger than all theirs. Here again, I should consider the sin of David, of Solomon^ of M anas s eh, of Peter, and the rest of the great offenders ; and should also labour, what I might with fairness, to aggravate and heighten their sins by several circumstances. 169. I should think with myself that David shed 93 GRACE ABOUNDING blood to cover his adultery, and that by the sword of the children of Amnion ; a work that could not be done, but by continuance, deliberate contrivance, vhich was a great aggravation to his sin. But then this would turn upon me : Ah ! but these were but sins against the law, from which there was a Jesus sent to save them ; but yours is a sin against the Saviour, and who shall save you from that? 170. Then I thought on Solomon^ and how he For me, no more tinned in loving strange women, in sacrifice for sin falling away to their idols, in building them temples, in doing this after light, in his old age, after great mercy received : but the same conclusion that cut me off in the former consideration, cut me oiF as to this ; namely, that all those were but sins against the law, for which God had provided a remedy ; but 1 had sold my Saviour^ and there remained no more sacrifice for sin. 171. I would then add to these men's sins, the Manasseh'ssin. s^^^ of Manasseh:, how that he built and mine altars for idols in the house of the Lord; he also observed times, used enchantments, had to do with wizards, was a wizard, had his familiar spirits, burned his children in the fire in sacrifice to devils, and made the streets of Jerusalem run down with the blood of innocents. These, thought I, are great sins, sins of a bloody colour, but yet it would turn again upon me, They are none of them of the 94 'MINE OUT-WENT EVERY ONE' nature of yours ; you have parted with Jesus ^ you have sold your Saviour, 172. This one consideration would always kill my heart, my sin was point blank against : 11 1 My heart killed my oaviour ; and that too, at that height, that I had in my heart said of Him, Let Him go^ if He will. Oh ! methought this sin was bigger than the sins of a country, of a kingdom, or of the whole world, no one pardonable ; nor all of them together, was able to equal mine; mine out-went them every one. 173. Now I should find my mind to flee from God, as from the face of a dreadful Judge, yet this was my torment, I could not escape His hand : (// is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God, Hebrew x.) But, blessed be His grace, that scripture, in these flying fits, would call, as running after me, / have blotted out^ as a thick cloudy thy transgressions ; and as a cloudy thy sins : return unto Me ^ for I have redeemed thee, Isaiah xliv. 22. This, I say, would come in upon my mind, when I was fleeing from the face of God ; for I did flee from His face ; that is, my mind and spirit fled before Him ; by reason of His highness, I could not endure : then would the text cry. Return unto Me; it would cry aloud with a very great voice. Return unto Me^ for I have redeemed thee. Indeed, this would make me make a little stop, and, as it were, look over my shoulder behind me, to see if I could 95 GRACE ABOUNDING discern that the God of grace did follow me with a pardon in His hand ; but I could no sooner do that, but all would be clouded and darkened again by that sentence, For you know^ how that afterwards^ when he would have inherited the blessings he found no place of repentance^ though he sought it carefully with tears. Wherefore I could not refrain, but The text A^^? though at some times it cried, r2urn^"did Return^ return^ as if it did hollow hollow after me after me : but I feared to close in therewith, lest it should not come from God ; for that other, as I said, was still sounding in my con- science. For you know that afterwards^ when he would have inherited the blessings he was rejected^ etc. 174. Once as I was walking to and fro in a good man's shop, bemoanino; of myself in my I was walking , 1 i r 1 rn- - ir to and fro in a sad and doleful state, amicting myself goo manss op ^.^j^ sclf-abhorrence for this wicked and ungodly thought ; lamenting also this hard hap of mine for that I should commit so great a sin, greatly fearing that I should not be pardoned ; praying also in my heart, that if this sin of mine did differ from that against the Holy Ghost, the Lord would show it me. And being now ready to sink with fear, suddenly there was, as if There rushed in, ,, ij* i -i at the window there had rushed m at the window, uponm^e"^'^''''^ the noise of wind upon me, but very pleasant, and as if I heard a voice speaking, DicTst thou ever refuse to be justified by 96 A GREAT CALM the blood cf Christ ? and \vlth:il, my whole life of profession past, was in a moment opened to me, wherein I was made to see, that designedly I had not : so my heart answered groaningly, 'No. Then fell, with power, that word of God _, , , o 1 r TT- The word of upon me, oee that ye refuse not tiim God falls upon that speaketh. Hebrew xii. 25. ^^^^ power This made a strange seizure upon my spirit ; it brought light with it, and commanded a silence in my heart, of all those tumultuous thoughts, that did before use, like masterless hell-hounds, to roar and bellow, and make an hideous noise within me. It showed me also that Jesus Christ had yet a word of grace and mercy for me, that He had ^., / , . p , Silence com- not, as 1 had reared, quite rorsaken manded in my and cast off my soul ; yea, this was a kind of chide for my proneness to desperation ; a kind of threatening of me, if I did not, notv.ithstand- ing my sins, and the heinousness of them, venture my salvation upon the Son of God. But as to my determining about this strange dispensation, what it was, I know not ; or from whence it cam.e, I know not ; I have not yet in twenty years' time been able to make a judgment of it ; / thought then what here I should be loth to speak. But verily that sudden rushing wind was, as if an angel had come upon me ; but both it, and the salutation, I will leave until the day of judgment : only this I say, it commanded a great calm in my soul ; it persuaded me there might G 97 GRACE ABOUNDING be hope : it showed me, as I thought, what the sin unpardonable was, and that my soul had yet the blessed privilege to flee to Jesus Christ for mercy. But I say, concerning this dispensation ; I know not , ^ yet what to say unto it ; which was I was persuaded -^ . ■' ^ there might be also, in truth, the cause, that at first I ^ did not speak of it in the book ; I do now also leave it to be thought on by men of sound judgment. I lay not the stress of my salvation thereupon, but upon the Lord Jesus, in the promise ; yet seeing 1 am here unfolding of my secret things, I thought it might not be altogether inexpedient to let this also show itself, though I cannot now relate I began to mis- ^^^ matter as there I did experience trust again jt. This lasted in the savour of it for about three or four days, and then I began to mistrust, and to despair again. 1 y^. Wherefore still my life hung in doubt before My life hung in "^^) ^^^ knowing which way I should ^°"^^ tip ; only this I found my soul desire, even to cast itself at the foot of grace, by prayer and supplication. But oh ! 'twas hard for me now, to have the face to pray to this Christ for mercy, against Whom I had thus most vilely sinned : 'twas hard work, I say, to offer to look Him in the face, against Whom I had so vilely sinned ; and indeed, I have found it as difficult to come to God by prayer, after backsliding from Him, as to do any other thing. Oh! the shame that did now attend me! 98 THERE WAS BUT ONE WAY especially when I thought, I am now a-going to pray to Him for mercy, that I had so Hghtly esteemed but a v/hile before ! I was ashamed ; yea, even confounded, because this villany had been committed by me : but I saw that there was but one way with me ; I must go to Him, and humble myself unto Him, and beg that He, of His wonderful mercy, would show pity to me, and have mercy upon my wretched sinful soul. 176. Which, when the tempter perceived, he strongly suggested to me, That I ought not to pray to God^ for prayer was not for any in my case ; neither could it do me good^ because I had rejected the Mediator^ by Who7n all prayers came with acceptance to God the Father ; and without Whom, no prayer could come into His presence: wherefore now to pray, is but to add sin to sin; yea, now to pray, seeing God has cast you off, is the next way to anger and offend Him more than you ever did before. 177. For God (saith he) hath been weary of you for these several years already, because you are none of His ; your bawlings ^^Got^^^SF in His ears, hath been no pleasant is no pleasant ' ^ voice to Him voice to Him; and therefore He let you sin this sin, that you might be quite cut off ; and will you pray still? This the devil urged, and set forth that in Numbers, when Moses said to the children of Israel, That because they would not go 99 GRACE ABOUNDING up to possess the land^ when God would have ihem^ therefore for ever after He did bar them out from thence^ though they prayed they might with tears. Numbers xiv. ^^^^ 2>7-) ^^^• 178. As it is said in another place, Exodus xxi. 14, The man that sins presumptu- Some texts did , - , pinch me very ously shall be taken from God s altar ^ that he may die ; even as Joab was by King Solomon^ when he thought to find sheker there, i Kings ii. 27, 28, etc. These places did pinch me very sore ; yet my case being desperate, I thought with myself, I can but die ; and if it must be so, it shall once be said, That such an one died at the foot of Christ in prayer. This I did, but with great difficulty, God doth know ; and that because, together with this, still that saying about Esau would be set at my heart, even like a flaming sword, to keep the way of the tree of life, lest I should take thereof and live. Oh ! who knows how hard a thing I found it, to come to God in prayer ! 179. I did also desire the prayers of the people of God for me, but I feared that God Jrlyirlo^f God's ^^uld give them no heart to do it; people but durst yea, I trembled in my soul to think, not ask them -^ ' -' ' that some or other of them would shortly tell me, that God hath said those words to them, that He once did say to the prophet con- cerning the children of Israel, Pray not for this 100 BUNYAN SEEKS CoMFORT. / took an opportunity to break my mind to an ancient Christian. WHEREFORE I WENT TO GOD people^ for I have rejected them, Jeremiah xi. 14. So, Fray not for h'un^ for 1 have rejected him^ yea, I thought that He had whispered this to some of them already, only they durst not tell me so; neither durst I ask them of it, for fear if it should be so, it would make me quite beside myself: Man knows the beginning of sin (said Spira), but who bounds the issues thereof F 180. About this time I took an opportunity to break my mind to an ancient Christian, , ^ „ ^ , .1 tell my case to and told him all my case : I told him an ancient also, that I was afraid that I had sinned the sin against the Holy Ghost ; and he told me, He thought so too. Here therefore I had but cold comfort ; but talking a little more with him, I found him, though a good man, a stranger to much combat with the devil. Wherefore I went to God again, as well as I could, for mercy still. 181. Now also did the tempter begin to mock me in my misery, saying, That seeing I had thus parted with the Lord f^^^'^tt^'^'' ■I in my misery Jesus., and provoked Him to displeasure.^ Who would have stood between my soul and the fame of devouring fir e^ there was now but one way ; and that was^ to pray that God the Father would be a Mediator betwixt His Son and me ; that we might be reconciled again., arid that I might have that blessed benefit in Him., that His blessed saints enjoyed. 182. Then did that scripture seize upon my soul, 101 GRACE ABOUNDING He is of one mind^ and who can turn Him! Oh ! I My soul is rent ^^w, it was as easy to persuade Him to asunder make a new world, a new covenant, or a new Bible, besides that we have already, as to pray for such a thing. This was to persuade Him, that what He had done already was mere folly, and persuade Him to alter, yea, to disannul the whole way of salvation. And then would that saying rend my soul asunder ; Neither is there salvation in any other ; for there is none other name under heaven given among men whereby we must he saved. Acts iv. 12. 183. Now the most free, and full and gracious words of the gospel, were the greatest twinge my con- torment to me; yea, nothing so afflicted me, as the thoughts of Jesus Christ, the remembrance of a Saviour ; because I had cast Him oiF, brought forth the villany of my sin, and my loss by it, to mind ; nothing did twinge my conscience like this : every time that I thought of the Lord Jesus, of His grace, love, goodness, kindness, gentleness, meekness, death, blood, promises, and blessed exhortations, comforts, and consolations, it went to my soul like a sword ; for still unto these my considerations of the Lord Jesus, these thoughts wo-uld make place for themselves in my heart ; Aye^ this is the Jesus^ the loving Saviour^ the Son of God, Whom you have parted with, Whom you have slighted.^ despised.^ and abused. This is the only Saviour^ the only Redeemer, the only One that could so 102 THE TEMPTER BEGAN AFRESH love sinners^ as to wash them from their sins in His own most precious blood ; but you have no part nor lot in this Jesus : you have put Him from you \ you have said in your hearty Let Him go, if He will. Now^ there- fore, you are severed from Him; you have severed yourself from Him : behold then His goodness^ but your- self to be no partaker of it. Oh ! thought I, what have I lost, what have I parted with ! What has disinherited my poor soul ! whit has diV^' Oh! 'tis sad to be destroyed by the ini^eritedmy J J poor soul 1 grace and mercy of God ; to have the Lamb, the Saviour, turn lion and destroyer. Rev. vi. I also trembled, as I have said, at the sight of the saints of God, especially at those that greatly loved Him, and that made it their business to walk con- tinually with Him in this world ; for they did, both in their words, their carriages, and all their expressions of tenderness and fear to sin against their precious Saviour, condemn, lay guilt upon, and ^ trembled at also add continual affliction and shame G°^'s Samuels upon my soul. The dread of them was upon me^ and I trembled at God^s Samuels, i Sam. xvi. 4. 184. Now also the tempter began afresh to mock my soul another way, saying, That Christ indeed did pity my case., and was sorry for my loss ; but foras- much as I had sinned and transgressed as 1 had done., He could by no means help me., nor save me from what 1 feared : for my sin was not of the nature of theirs^ for Whom He bled and died \ neither was it counted with 103 GRACE ABOUNDING those that were laid to His charge^ when He hanged on a tree : therefore^ unless He should come down from heaven^ and die anew for this sin, though indeed He did greatly pity me, yet I could have no henejit of Him, These things may seem ridiculous to others, even as ridiculous as they were in themselves, but to me they were most tormenting cogitations : every one of them augmented my misery, that Jesus Christ should have so much love as to pity me, when yet He could not help me ; nor did I think that the reason why He could not help me, was, because His merits were weak, or His grace and salvation spent on others already, but because His faithfulness to His threatening, would not let Him extend His mercy to me. Besides, I thought, as I have already hinted, that my sin was not within the bounds sin wal not^ of that pardon, that was wrapped up TcJunds of pardon ^^ ^ promise ; and if not, then I knew assuredly, that it was more easy for heaven and earth to pass away, than for me to have eternal life. So that the ground of all these fears of mine did arise from a steadfast belief I had of the stability of the holy word of God, and also from my being misinformed of the nature of my sin. 185. But oh! how this would add to my affllc- ^ . , ,^ tion, to conceit that I should be Scripture v^ould ' . i.-ltt strike me down guilty 01 such a sm, tor which He did not die. These thoughts would so confound me, and imprison me, and tie me up 104 BROKEN, SCATTERED, RENT from faith, that I knew not what to do. But oh! thought I, that He would come down again ! Oh ! that the work of man's redemption was yet to be done by Christ ! how would I pray Him and entreat Him to count and reckon this sin among the rest for which He died ! But this scripture would strike me down as dead ; Christ bei?ig raised from the dead^ dieth no more; death hath no more dominion over Him, Rom. vi. 9. 186. Thus, by the strange and unusual assaults of the tempter, my soul was like a ,, , ^ . ^ ' / . My soul driven broken vessel, driven as with the as with the winds, and tossed sometimes headlong into despair ; sometimes upon the covenant of works, and sometimes to wish that the new covenant, and the conditions thereof, might so far forth, as I thought myself concerned, be turned another way, and changed. But in all these ^ I was as those that jostle against the rocks ; that jostle more broken, scattered and rent. Oh ! ^^^^^^ ^® the un - thought - of imaginations, frights, fears, and terrors, that are affected by a thorough application of guilt yielding to despera- tion ! This is the man that hath his dwelling among the tojiibs with the dead ; that is always crying out^ and cutting himself with stones. Mark v. i, 2, 3. But, I say, all in vain ; desperation will not comfort him, the old covenant will not save him : nay, heaven and earth shall pass away, before one jot or 105 GRACE ABOUNDING tittle of the word and law of grace will fail or be removed. This I saw, this I felt, and under this I groaned; yet this advantage I got thereby, namely, a farther confirmation of the certainty of the way of salvation; and that the scriptures were the word of God. Oh! I cannot now express what then I saw and felt of the steadiness of Jesus Christ, the rock of man's salvation : What was done, could not be undone, added to, nor altered. I saw, indeed, that sin might drive the soul beyond Christ, even the sin which is unpardonable ; but woe to him that was so driven, for the word would shut him out. 187. Thus I was always sinking, whatever I did I was always think or do. So one day I walked sinking ^q a neighbouring town, and sate down upon a settle in the street, and fell into a very deep pause about the most fearful state my sin had brought me to; and after long musing, I lifted up my head, but methought I saw, as if settiem°th^ the sun that shineth in the heavens bou'ring t'own'^'" ^'^ S^'^'^S^ to give light ; and as if the very stones in the street, and tiles upon the houses, did bend themselves against me. Methought that they all combined together to banish me out of the world. I was abhorred of them, and unfit to dwell among them, or be partaker of their benefits, because I had sinned against the Saviour. O how happy now was every creature 106 FOR A TIME OUT OF DOUBT over I was ! For they stood fast, and kept their station, but I was gone and lost. 188. Then breaking out in the bitterness of my soul, I said to myself with a grievous sigh, How can God comfort such a h/ard, ^' ThiLin wretch ! I had no sooner said it, but ^ not unto ' death this returned upon me, as an echo doth answer a voice : This sin is not unto death. At which I was, as if I had been raised out of the grave, and cried out again, Lord^ how couldst Thou find out such a word as this ! For I was filled with admiration at the fitness, and at the unexpected- ness of the sentence ; the fitness of the word, the rightness of the timing of it ; the power, and sweet- ness, and light, and glory that came with it also, were marvellous to me to find : I was now, for the time, out of doubt, as to that about which I was so much in doubt before ; my fears before were^ that my sin was not pardonable, and so that I had no right to pray, to repent, etc., or that, if I did, it would be of no advantage or profit to me. But now, thought I, if this sin is net unto death, then it is pardonable ; therefore from this I have encourage- ment to come to God by Christ for mercy, to con- sider the promise of forgiveness, as that which stands with open arms pardonaWewa? to receive me as well as others. This a great easement to me therefore was a great easement to my mind, to wit, that my sin was pardonable, that it 107 GRACE ABOUNDING was not the sin unto death (i John v. i6, 17). None but those that know what my trouble (by their own experience) was, can tell what relief came to my soul by this consideration : it was a release to me from my former bonds, and a shelter from the former storm : I seemed now to stand upon the same ground with other sinners, and to have as good right to the word and prayer as any of they. 189. Now I say, I was in hopes that my sin was not unpardonable, but that there might lay about hinT t)e hopes for me to obtain forgiveness. to bring me j^^^ ^^j^ | j^^^ Satan did now lay about down again •' him for to bring me down again! But he could by no means do it, neither this day, nor the most part of the next, for this good sentence stood hke a mill-post at my back : yet towards the evening of the next day, I felt this word begin to leave me, and to withdraw its supportation from me, and so I returned to my old fears again, but with a great deal of grudging and peevishness, for I feared the sorrow of despair ; nor could my faith now long retain this word. 190. But the next day at evening, being under many fears, I went to seek the Lord, and as I prayed, I cried, and my soul cried to Him in these words, with strong cries : Lord^ I beseech Thee^ show me that Thou hast loved me with everlasting love. Jer. xxxi. 3. I had no sooner said it, but with sweetness this returned upon me, as an echo, or sounding 108 I WENT TO BED IN QUIET again, / have loved thee with an everlasting love. Now I went to bed in quiet ; also when I awakened the next morning, it was fresh upon my soul ; and I believed it. 191. But yet the tempter left me not; for it could not be so little as an hundred ^^ ,^ Oh, the combats times, that he that day did ubour to that I did then break my peace. Oh ! the combats ^ ' and conflicts that I did then meet with ; as I strove to hold by this word, that of Esau would fly in my face like lightning: I should be sometimes up and down twenty times in an hour ; yet God did bear me up, and keep my heart upon this word ; from which I had also, for several days together, very much sweetness, and comfortable hopes of pardon : for thus it was made out unto me, / loved thee whilst thou wast committing this sin^ 1 loved thee before^ I love thee stilly and I will love thee for ever. 192. Yet I saw my sin most barbarous, and a filthy crime, and could not but conclude, and ,, . \ \ My sin a bar- that with great shame and astonish- barous and filthy ment, that I had horribly abused the holy Son of God : wherefore I felt my soul greatly to love and pity Him, and my bowels to yearn to- wards Kim ; for I saw He was still my friend, and did reward me eood for evil : 1 rr • 1 ' I had a hot de- yea, the love and aiiection that then sire of revenge- •j.i, -.T,*^ TJ J ment upon myself did burn withm to my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, did work at this time such a 109 GRACE ABOUNDING strong and hot desire of revengement upon myself for the abuse I had done unto Him, that to speak as I then thought, had I had a thousand gallons of blood within my veins, I could freely then have spilt it all, at the command and feet of this my Lord and Saviour. 193. And as I was thus in musing, and in my studies, considering how to love the Lord, and to express my love to Him, that saying came in upon me, If Thou^ Lord^ shouldst mark iniquities^ Lord^ who should stand F But there is forgiveness with Thee^ that Thou may est he feared. Psalm cxxx. 3, 4. These were good words to me, especially the latter part thereof ; to wit, that there is forgiveness with the Lord, that He might be feared ; that is, as then I understood it, that He might be loved, and had in reverence; for it was thus made out to me, That the great God did set so high an esteem upon the love of His poor creatures^ that rather than He would go without their love^ He would pardon their transgressions. 194. And now was that word fulfilled on me, and I was also refreshed by it; My soul at this ^, , r r 7 time set at Ihat thou may est remember and be ^ ^ confounded^ and never open thy mouth any more., because of thy shame, when I am pacified toward thee for all that thou hast done., saith the Lord God. Ezek. xvi. 62,. Thus was my soul at this time (and as I then did think for ever) set at no WORDS ON WHICH I LEANED liberty from being afflicted with my former guilt and amazement. 195. But before many weeks were gone, I be- gan to despond again, fearing, lest, j ^^^^^ ^^ ^^3. notwithstanding all that I had en- pond again joyed, that I might be deceived and destroyed at the last ; for this consideration came strong into my mind. That whatever comfort and peace I thought I might have from the word of the promise of Ife^ yet unless there could he found in my refreshment^ a con- currence and agreement in the scriptures^ let me think what I will thereof and hold it never so fast ^ I should find no such thing at the end ; And the scripture cannot be broken. John x. '^^, 196. Now began my heart again to ache, and fear I might meet with a disappoint- i examine my ment at last. Wherefore I began former comfort with all seriousness to examine my former comfort, and to consider whether one that had sinned as I had done, might with confidence trust upon the faith- fulness of God, laid down in those words, by which I had been comforted, and on which I had leaned myself: but now were brought those sayings to my mind. For it is impossible for those who were once en- lightened^ and have tasted of the heavenly gift ^ and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost ^ and have tasted the good word of God^ and the powers of the world to come^ if they shall fall away^ to renew them again unto repentance. Heb. vi. 4-6. For^ if we sin wilfully^ after III GRACE ABOUNDING we have received the knowledge of the truth^ there remains no more sacrifice for sin^ hut a certain fearful looking for of judgment^ and fiery indignation^ which shall devour the adversaries, Heb. x. 26, 27. As Esau^ who for one morsel of meat^ sold his birthright. For ye know how that afterward^ when he would have inherited the blessing,, he was rejected-, for he found no place of repentance., though he sought it care- fully with tears. Pleb. xii. 16, 17. 197. Now was the word of the gospel forced from my soul ; so that no promise or I have neither 1 r 1 • foot-hold or hand- encouragement was to be found m ?hilfaysald^^ the Bible for me: and now would props of xh'^[ sayinsr work upon my spirit to scripture t^- r\ t 1 r afflict me, Rejoice not^ Israel^ for joy, as other people, llos. ix. i. For I saw indeed, there was cause of rejoicing for those that held to Jesus ; but for me, I had cut myself oil by m.y transgressions, and left myself neither foot-hold, or hand-hold, among all the stays and props in the precious word of life. 198. And truly, I did now feel myself to sink into a crulph, as an house whose I had no peace ^ i • • 1 j t j-j ti for two years foundation IS destroyed J i did liken and a half myself in this condition, unto the case of some child that was fallen into a mill-pit, who though it could make some shift to scramble and sprawl in the water, yet because it could find neither hold for hand nor foot, therefore at last it must die 112 ^MANY DAYS' ARE NOT FOR EVER in that condition. So soon as this fresh assault had fastened on my soul, that scripture came into my heart, This for many days. Dan. x. 14. And indeed I found it was so ; for I could not be delivered, nor brought to peace again, until well nigh two years and a half were com- pletely finished. Wherefore these condition would words, though in themselves, they tended to discouragement, yet to me, who feared this condition would be eternal, they were at some times as an help and refreshment to me. 199. For, thought I, many days are not for ever, many days will have an end ; therefore seeing I was to be afflicted not a few but many days^ yet I was glad it was but for many days. Thus, I say, I would recall myself sometimes, and give myself an help, for as soon as ever the words came into my mind, at first, I knew my trouble would be long, yet this would be but sometimes ; for I could not always think on this, nor ever be helped by it, though I did. 200. Now while the scriptures lay before me, and laid sin anew at my door, that «iv7iiipray' sayinsr, in Luke xviii. 1, with others, "Tistonoboot,' ,/, °' ' , ' said Satan. Yet did encourage me to prayer: then said i,'i will the tempter laid again at me very ^^^^ sore, suggesting, That neither the mercy of God^ nor yet the blood of Christy did at all concern me^ nor could they help me for my sin ; therefore it was but H 113 GRACE ABOUNDING in vain to pray. Yet, thought I, / will pray. But, said the tempter, your sin is unpardonable. Well, said I, / will pray. 'Tis to no boot, said he. Yet said I, / will pray. So I went to prayer to God ; and while I was at prayer, I uttered words to this effect : hord.^ Satan tells me., that neither Thy mercy., nor Christ's blood, is sujfficient to save my soul : Lord, shall I honour Thee most, by believing Thou wilt, and canst ? or him, by believing Thou neither wilt not nor canst / Lord, I would fain honour Thee, by believ^ ing Thou wilt and canst, 20 1. And as I was thus before the Lord, that I could not think scripture fastened on my heart (O I had faith ^^^^ gj.g^^ jg ^j^y ^.^^^Yi), Matt. XV. 28, even as if one had clapped me on the back, as I was on my knees before God : yet I was not able to believe this, that this was a prayer of faith, till almost six months after ; for I could not think that I had faith, or that there should be a word for me to act faith on ; therefore I should still be, as sticking in the jaws of desperation, and went mourning up and down in a sad condition. 202. There was nothing now that I longed for more than to be put out of doubt, as S?m^r! ttSFto to this thing in question, and as I d^^bt^^"*^^ was vehemently desiring to know, if there was indeed hope for me, these words came rolling into my mind, Will the Lord cast off for ever? and will He be favourable no 114 HIS PROMISE DOTH NOT FAIL more? Is His mercy clean gone for ever? Doth His promise fail for evermore ? Hath God forgotten to he gracious ? Hath He in anger shut up His tender mercies ? Ps. Ixxvii. 7-9. And all the while they run in my mind, methought I had still this as the answer, 'T/V a question whether He hath or no : it may he He hath not. Yea, the interrogatory seemed to me to carry in it a sure affirmation that indeed He had not, nor would so cast off, but would be favourable : that His promise doth not fail, and that He had not forgotten to be gracious, nor would in anger shut up tender mercy. Something also there was upon my heart at the same time, which I cannot now call to mind, which, with this text, did sweeten my heart, and make me conclude, that His mercy might not be quite gone, nor clean gone for ever. 203. At another time I remembered, I was again much under this question, Whether the Mood of Christ was sufficient to 7ound%Tdlnlf save my soul? in which doubt I con- withm my heart : -^ . . * He IS able* tinned from morning, till about seven or eight at night : and at last, when I was, as it were, quite worn out with fear, lest it should not lay hold on me, these words did sound suddenly within my heart: He is ahle. But methought, this word able^ was spoke loud unto me ; it showed a great word^ it seemed to be writ in great letters, and gave such a jostle to my fear and doubt (I mean IIS GRACE ABOUNDING for the time it tarried with me, which was about a day) as I never had from that, all my life, either before or after. Heb. vii. 25. 204. But one morning as I was again at prayer, and trembling under the fear of this, That darted in upon ^0 word of God could help me^ that Ssufficient"^^ piece of a sentence darted in upon me, My grace is siifficient. At this, methought I felt some stay, as if there might be hopes. But, oh ! how good a thing it is for God to send His word ! for, about a fortnight before, I was looking on this very place, and then I thought it could not come near my soul with comfort, therefore I threw down my book in a pet : then I thought it was not large enough for me ; no, not large enough ; but now it was as if it had arms of grace so wide, that it could not only enclose me, but many more such as I besides. 205. By these words I was sustained, yet not without exceeding conflicts, for the be^n and o^t^ space of scven or eight weeks ; for twenty times a ^^y peace would be in it, and out, sometimes twenty times a day ; comfort now, and trouble presently ; peace now, and before I could go a furlong, as full of fear and guilt as ever heart could hold. And this was not only now and then, but my whole seven weeks' experience : for this about the sufficiency of grace^ and that of Esau's parting with his birthright, would be Hke 116 MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT a pair of scales within my mind ; sometimes one end would be uppermost, and sometimes again the other; according to which would be my peace or trouble. 206. Therefore I did still pray to God, that He would come in with this scripture Therefore I did more fully on my heart ; to wit, that ^^^ P^^y ^^ ^^^ He would help me to apply the whole sentence, for as yet I could not : that He gave, that I gathered ; but farther I could not go, for as yet it only helped me to hope there might be mercy for me ; My grace is sufficient : And though it came no farther, it answered my former question, to wit. That there was hope ; yet because for thee was left out, I was not contented, but prayed to God for that also. Wherefore, one day, when 1 was in a meeting of God's people, full of sadness and terror ; for my fears again were strong upon me ; and, as I was now thinking, my soul were strong was never the better, but my case "P°"^^ most sad and fearful, these words did with great power suddenly break in upon me ; My grace is sufficient for thee^ My grace is sufficient for thee^ My grace is sufficient for thee^ three times together : And oh ! methought that every word was a mighty word unto me ; as Mj, and grace^ and sifficient^ and for thee \ they were then, and sometimes are still, far bigger than others be. 207. At which time my understanding was so 117 GRACE ABOUNDING enlightened, that I was as though I had seen the My understand- ^ord Jesus look down from heaven, ing enlightened through the tiles upon me, and direct these words unto me. This sent me mourning home ; it broke my heart, and filled me full of joy, and laid me low as the dust ; only it stayed not long with me, I mean in this glory and refreshing comfort ; yet it continued with me for several weeks, and did encourage me to hope : but as soon as that My soul did powerful operation of it was taken hang: as in a pair from my heart, that other, about of scales, some- •' times up, and Esau, returned upon me as before : sometimes down i j • j i, • • r SO my soul did hang as in a pair of scales again, sometimes up, and sometimes down ; now in peace, and anon again in terror. 208. Thus I went on for many weeks, sometimes comforted, and sometimes tormented ; and especially at sometimes my torment would be very sore, for all those scriptures forenamed in the Hebrews, would be set before me, as the only sentences that would keep me out of heaven. Then again I would begin to repent that ever that thought went through me ; I would also think thus with myself: Why, how many scriptures are there against vie ? There are hut three or four ; And cannot God miss them^ and save me for all them ? Sometimes again I would think, Oh I if it were not for these three or four words, now how might I be comforted f And I could hardly forbear at some times, to wish them out of the book, 118 THE CITY OF REFUGE 209. Then methought I should see as if both Peter and Paul, and John, and all j thought Peter the writers, did look with scorn upon »"d P^^i and me, and hold me in derison ; and as if with scorn upon they had said unto me. All our words ™* are truth, one of as much force as another : it is not we that have cut you off, hut you have cast away yourself There is none of our sentences that you must take hold upon, hut these and such as these ; It is im- possible, Heb. vi. ; there remains no more sacrifice for sin, Heb. x. And it had been better for them not to have known the will of God, than after they had known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them, 2 Peter ii. 21. For the Scriptures cannot be broken. John x. ^S* 210. These, as the elders of the city of refuge, I saw, were to be judges both of my case and me, while I stood with Jecif/oPrelge the avenger of blood at my heels, were to be my 11- 1 • r J 1- judges, trembhng at their gate tor deliverance ; also with a thousand fears and mistrusts, I doubted that they would shut me out for ever. Joshua xx. 211. Thus I was confounded, not knowing what to do, or how to be satisfied in i quaked at the this question, Whether the scriptures apostles could agree in the salvation of my soul ? I quaked at the apostles ; I knew their words were true, and that they must stand for ever. 119 GRACE ABOUNDING 212. And I remember one day, as I was in divers I was in divers frames of spirit, and considering that frames of spirit these frames were according to the nature of several scriptures that came in upon my mind ; if this of grace, then was I quiet ; but of that of Esau^ then tormented. Lord^ thought I, if both these scriptures should meet in my heart at once^ I wonder which of them would get the better of me. So me- thought I had a longing mind that they might come both together upon me ; yea, I desired of God they might. 213. Well, about two or three days after, so they _ , . , did indeed ; they bolted both upon Esau's birth- ; •' . ^ right began to me at a time, and did work and struggle strangely in me for a while ; at last that about Esau% birthright began to wax weak, and withdraw, and vanish ; and this, about the sufficiency of grace prevailed with peace and joy. And as I was in a muse about this thing, that scripture came in upon me, Mercy rejoiceth against judgment. James ii. 13. 214. This was a wonderment to me ; yet truly, ^, . I am apt to think it was of God ; for i^his was el wonderment to the word of the law and wrath, must "^ give place to the word of life and grace ; because, though the word of condemnation be glorious, yet the word of life and salvation doth far exceed in glory. 2 Cor. iii. 8-1 1. Mark ix. 5-7. John vi. 2>7* Also that Moses and Elias 120 HIM THAT COMES, HIM, ANY HIM must both vanish, and leave Christ and His saints alone. 215. This scripture also did now most sweetly visit my soul ; And him that cometh ^^ , ,, ' ^ J / Oh ! the comfort to Me^ I will in no wise cast out. Oh ! I had from ♦ in the comfort that I had from this ° ^ word, in no wise! As who should say, By no means^ for nothing whatever he hath done. But Satan would greatly labour to pull this promise from me, telling of me. That Christ did not mean me and such as /, but sinners of a lower rank^ that had not done as I had done. But I would answer him again, Satan^ here is in these words no such exception ; but him that comes ^ him^ any him: him that cometh to Mel will in no wise cast out. And this I well remember still, that of all the slights that Satan used to take this scripture from me, yet he never did so much as put this question, But do you come aright ? And I have thought the reason was, because he thought I knew full well what coming aright was ; for I saw that to come aright, was to come as I was, a vile and ungodly sinner, and to cast myself at the feet of mercy, condemning myself for sin. If ever Satan and I did strive for any word of God , 1 1 • r • ^ r i_ • J Satan and I did m all my lire, it was for this good tu^ and strive, word of Christ ; he at one end, and ^Xd"^"^* ^^ ^ I at the other : Oh ! what work did we make ! It was for this in John.^ I say, that we did so tug and strive, he pulled, and I pulled ; but 121 GRACE ABOUNDING God be praised, I got the better of him ; I got some sweetness from it. 216. But notwithstanding all these helps, and „^ , , blessed words of s^race, yet that of Wherefore I r 1 • 1 • 1 • i went another Esau s selung or his birthright, would way o wor ^^j^j ^^ times distress my conscience : for though I had been most sweetly comforted, and that but just before, yet when that came into my mind, 'twould make me fear again : I could not be quite rid thereof, 'twould every day be with me : wherefore now I went another way to work, even to consider the nature of this blasphemous thought, I mean, if I should take the words at the largest, and give them their own natural force and scope, even every word therein : so when I had thus considered, I found, that if they were fairly taken, they would amount to this ; That 1 had freely left the Lord Jesus Christ to His choice^ whether He would be my Saviour or no; for the wicked words were these, Let Him go^ if He will. Then that scripture gave me hope, / will never leave thee^ nor forsake thee, Heb. xiii. 5. Lord^ said I, but I have left Thee, Then it answered again, But I will not leave thee. For this I thanked God also. 217. Yet I was grievous afraid He should, and . , , .^ found it exceeding hard to trust Him, I found it ex- o > ceeding hard to seeing I had SO offended Him : I could trust Him , , ,. 1 , i 1 • have been exceeding glad that this thought had never befallen ; for then I thought I 122 BUNYAN WRESTLING IN PrAYER. Then that Scripture gave me hope, ' / will never leave thee, nor forsaks thee'—Heb. xiii. 5. ' O Lord: said /, ' but I have lejt Thee: I HAD SO OFFENDED HIM could with more ease and freedom in abundance, have leaned on His grace. I saw it was with me, as it was with Joseph's brethren ; the guilt of their own wickedness did often fill them with fears that their brother would at last despise them. Gen. 1. 15, 16, etc. 2 1 8. Yet above all the scriptures that I yet did meet with that in/<9^/6z/^z xx. was the , . ^ I was convinced greatest comfort to me, which speaks that i was a of the slayer that was to flee for ^^^^^ refuge : And if the avenger of blood pursue the slayer^ then saith Moses ^ they that are the elders of the city of refuge shall not deliver him into his hands ^ because he smote his neighbour unwittingly and hated him not aforetime. Oh ! blessed be God for this word : I was convinced that I was the slayer ; and that the avenger of blood pursued me, I felt with great terror ; only now it remained that I inquire whether I have right to enter the city of refuge : so I found, that he must not, who lay in wait to shed blood: It was not the wilful murderer., but he who unwittingly did it, he who did it unawares ; not out of spite, or grudge, or malice, he that shed it unwittingly: even he who did not hate his neighbour before. Wherefore, 219. I thought verily I was the man that must enter, because I had smitten my , ^ ^ • ,, . . 7 11 1 Tj. I thought verily neighbour unwittingly^ and hated Him I was the man not aforetime. I hated Him not afore- ^ °^"^ ^ ^^ time ; no, I prayed unto Him, was tender of sinning 123 GRACE ABOUNDING against Him ; yea, and against this wicked temptation I had strove for a twelvemonth before; yea, and also when it did pass through my heart, it did in spite of my teeth : wherefore I thought I had a right to enter this city, and the elders, which are the apostles^ were not to deliver me up. This there- fore was great comfort to me, and gave me much ground of hope. 220. Yet being very critical, for my smart had made me that I knew not what ground I knew not what u ^ i. t i j ground was sure ^as sure cnough to bear me, 1 had wiough to bear ^^^ question that my soul did much desire to be resolved about ; and that was. Whether it be possible for any soul that hath sinned the unpardonable sin, yet after that to receive^ though but the least, true spiritual comfort from God through Christ ? The which after I had much considered, I found the answer was. No, they could not ; and that for these reasons : — 221. First, Because those that have sinned that sin, they are debarred a share in the blood of Christ ; and being shut out of that, they must needs be void of the least ground of hope, and so of spiritual comfort; For to such there remains no more sacrifice for sin. Heb. x. 26, 27. Secondly, Because they are denied a share in the promise of life : // shall never be forgiven him neither in this world, neither in the world to come. Matt. xii. 32. Thirdly, The Son of God excludes them also from a share in His blessed 124 THEIR VISAGE CHANGED intercession, being for ever ashamed to own them, both before His holy Father, and the blessed angels in heaven. Mark viii. 222. When I had with much deliberation con- sidered of this matter, and could not , ^ ^ ^ ' I had been so but conclude that the Lord had com- greatly forted me, and that too after this ^ "^ ® my wicked sin : then methought I durst venture to come nigh unto those most fearful and terrible scriptures, with which all this while I had been so greatly affrighted, and on which indeed, before I durst scarce cast mine eye (yea, had much ado an hundred times, to forbear wishing , ^ , , , ' . o I began to take them out of the Bible), for I thought some measure of they would destroy me ; but now, I say, I began to take some measure of encourage- ment, to come close to them to read them, and con- sider them, and to weigh their scope and tendency. 223. The which when I began to do, I found their visage changed : for they looked not , ^ . ^ ^ Icametremblmg so grimly, as before I thought they to the sixth of did : and first I came to the sixth of the Hebrews^ yet trembling for fear it should strike me ; which when I had considered, I found that the falling there intended, was a falling quite away ; that is as I conceived, a falling from, and absolute denying of the gospel, of remission of sins by Jesus Christ ; for, from them the apostle begins his argument, verses i, 2, 3, 4. Secondly^ I GRACE ABOUNDING found that this falling away, must be openly, even in the view of the world, even so as to put Christ to an open shame. Thirdly^ I found those he there intended, were for ever shut up of God, both in blindness, hardness, and impenitency : waTnoUhe^siii ^^ ^^ impossible they should be renewed 'Vnd d^^* ^^^/w unto repentance. By all these particulars, I found to God's ever- lasting praise, my sin was not the sin in this place intended. First^ I confessed I was fallen, but not fallen away ; that is, from the profession of faith in Jesus unto eternal life. Secondly^ I confessed that I had put Jesus Christ to shame by my sin, but not to open shame ; I did not deny Him before men, nor condemn Him as a fruitless One before the world. Thirdly^ Nor did I find that God had shut me up, I found it hard ^^ ^^^^^^ ^^ ^^ ^^^^ (though I found work to come Jt hard work indeed to come) to Him by sorrow and repentance : blessed be God for unsearchable grace ! 224. Then I considered that in the loth chapter ^, , ,. of the Hebrews, and found that the The Lord knows . , . my sin was wilful sin there mentioned, is not devilish ^^^^^ v^WM sin, but that which doth throw off Christ, and then His commandments too. Secondly^ That must be done also openly, before two or three witnesses, to answer that of the law, verse 126 *LIKE A SPEAR AGAINST ME* 28. Thirdly^ This sin cannot be committed, but with great despite done to the Spirit of Grace ; despising both the dissuasions from that sin, and the persua- sions to the contrary. But the Lord knows, though this my sin was devilish, yet it did not amount to these. 225. And as touching that in the 12th of the Hebrews^ about Esau's selling of his birthright ; though this was that which killed me, and stood like a spear against me, yet now I did consider, First^ that his was not a hasty thought against the con- tinual labour of his mind, but a thought consented to, and put in practice likewise, and that after some deliberation, Gen. xxv. Secondly^ It was a public and open action, even before his brother, if not before many more ; this made his sin of a far more heinous nature than otherwise it would have been. Thirdly, He continued to slight his birthright : He did eat and drink ^ and went his way : thus Esau despised his birthright, yea, twenty years after he was found to despise it still. And Esau said, / have enough, my brother, keep that thou hast unto thyself. Gen. xxxiii. 9. 226. Now as touching this, that Esau sought a place of repentance ; thus I thought ; First, This was not for the birth- thripos*tfe*con- right, but the blessing: this is clear cerning Esau's from the apostle, and is dis- tinguished by Esau himself; He took away my birthright (that is, formerly) ; and behold now he 127 GRACE ABOUNDING hath taken away my blessing. Gen. xxvii. 2>^, Secondly^ Now, this being thus considered, I came again to the apostle, to see what might be the mind of God, in a New-Testament style and sense concerning Esau's sin ; and so far as I could con- ceive, this was the mind of God, that the birthright signified regeneration^ and the blessings the eternal inheritance ; for so the apostle seems to hint. Lest there be any profane person^ as Esau, wIjo for one morsel of meat sold his birthright \ as if he should say, That shall cast oiF all those blessed beginnings of God, that at present are upon him, in order to a new- birth ; lest they become as Esau^ even be rejected afterwards^ when they would inherit the blessing. 227. For many there are, who, in the day of grace and mercy, despise those things which are indeed the birthright to heaven, who yet when the deciding day appears, will cry as loud as Esau^ Lord^ Lord^ open to us ; but then, as Isaac would not repent, no more will God the Father, but will say, / have blessed these^ yea^ and they shall be blessed] but as for you. Depart^ you are the workers of iniqidty. Gen. xxvii. 32; Luke xiii. 25-27. 228. When I had thus considered these scriptures, ^, , . , and found that thus to understand The hinder part . of the tempest them, was not agamst, but accordmg on y remaine ^^ other scriptures ; this still added further to my encouragement and comfort, and also 128 THE THUNDER WAS GONE gave a great blow to that objection, to wit, That the scriptures could not agree in the salvation of my soul. And now remained only the hinder part of the tempest, for the thunder was gone beyond me, only some drops did still remain, that now and then would fall upon me ; but because my former frights and anguish were very sore and deep, therefore it oft befall me still, as it befalleth those that have been scared with fire. I thought every voice was, Fire ! fire ! Every little touch would hurt my tender conscience. 229. But one day, as I was passing in the field, and that too with some dashes on r • 1 ^ 11 This sentence my conscience, tearmg lest yet all feii upon my soul, was not right, suddenly this sentence Je^^ Sfn heaven fell upon my soul. Thy righteous- ness is in heaven ; and methought withal, I saw with the eyes of my soul, Jesus Christ at God's right hand : there, I say, Vv^as my righteousness ; so that vherever I was, or whatever I was doing, God could not say of me. He wants My righteousness ; for that was just before Him. I also saw moreover, that it was not my good frame of heart that made my righteousness better, nor yet my bad frame that made my righteousness worse ; for my righteous- ness was Jesus Christ Himself, The same yesterday.^ to-day., and for ever. Heb. xiii. 8. 230. Now did my chains fall off my legs indeed ; I was loosed from my afflictions and irons; my I 129 GRACE ABOUNDING temptations also fled away; so that from that time those dreadful scriptures of God left off to trouble My chains fall ^^ ' ^^w went I also home rejoicing, off my legs for the grace and love of God; so when I came home, 1 looked to see if I could find that sentence ; T/jy righteousness is in heaven^ but I went home ^^^^^ ^^^ ^^^ ^uch a Saying ; where- rejoicing: fore my heart began to sink again, only that was brought to my remembrance, i Cor. i. 30, Christ Jesus^ who of God is made unto us wisdom^ and righteousness^ and sanctijication^ and redemption ; by this word I saw the other sentence true. 231. For by this scripture I saw that the Man Christ Jesus, as He is distinct from IwIetVi7peace ^s, as touching His bodily presence, so with God He is our righteousness and sanctifica- through Christ . ,r^j tt t. r t tion before God. Here thererore 1 lived, for some time, very sweetly at peace with God through Christ ; Oh ! methought, Christ ! Christ ! there was nothing but Christ that was before my eyes ; I was not now (only) for looking upon this and the other benefits of Christ apart, as of His blood, burial, or resurrection, but considering Him as a whole Christ ! as He in whom all these, and all His other virtues, relations, offices and operations met together, and that He sat on the right hand of God in heaven. 232. 'Twas glorious to me to see His exaltation, and the worth and prevalency of all His benefits, and 130 *HIS VICTORY ALSO MINE' that because now I could look from myself to Him and should reckon, that all those graces of God that now were green on me, were yet but like those cracked groats and four- tTme^tf see°"^ pence-halfpennies that rich men carry Chnst's exalta- in their purses, when their gold is in their trunks at home : Oh ! I saw my gold was in my trunk at home ! In Christ my Lord and Saviour. Now Christ was all ; all my wisdom, all my righteous- ness, all my sanctification, and all my redemption. 2^^. Further, the Lord did also lead me into the mystery of union with the Son of God ; that I was joined to Him, that t&sfery'of I was flesh of His flesh, and bone of union with the , Son of God His bone; and now was that word sweet to me in Eph. v. 30. By this also was my faith in Him, as my righteousness, the more con- firmed in me ; for if He and I were one, then His righteousness was mine, His merits mine, His victory also mine. Now could I see myself in heaven and earth at once : in heaven by my Christ, by my head, by my righteousness and life, though on earth by my body or person. 234. Now I saw Christ Jesus was looked upon of God ; and should also be looked upon by us, as that common or public person, in whom all the whole body of His elect are always to be considered and reckoned ; that we fulfilled the law by Him, died by Him, rose from the dead by Him, got the victory over GRACE ABOUNDING sin, death, the devil, and hell, by Him; when He died, we died, and so of His resurrection. Thy dead men shall live^ together with My dead body shall they arise ^ saith He. Isa. xxvi. 19. And again, after two days He will revive us^ and the third day He will raise us up^ and we shall live in His sight, Hosea vi. 2. Which is now fulfilled by the sitting down of the Son of Man on the right hand of the Majesty in the heavens ; according to that to the Ephesians^ And hath raised us up together^ and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus. Eph. ii. 6. 235. Ah ! these blessed considerations and scrip- lam moved to tu^es, with many others of like P^'^ise nature, were in those days made to spangle in mine eyes ; so that I have cause to say, Praise ye the Lord. Praise God in His sanctuary^ praise Him in the firmament of His power ; praise Him for His mighty acts : praise Him according to His excellent greatness. Psalm cl. 1,2. 236. Having thus in a few words given you a taste of the sorrow and affliction that my soul went under, by the guilt and terror that this my wicked thought did lay me under ; and having given you also a touch of my deliverance therefrom, and of the sweet and blessed comfort that I met with after- wards, which comfort dwelt about a twelvemonth with my heart, to my unspeakable admiral ion: I will now (God willing), before I proceed any farther, give you in a word or two, what, as I conceive, was 132 MY SOUL MUCH IN PRAYER the cause of this temptation ; and also after that, what advantage, at the last, it became unto my soul. 237. For the causes, I conceived they were princi- pally two: of which two also I was The cause of my deeply convinced all the time this temptations trouble lay upon me. The first was, for that I did not, when I was delivered from the temptation that went before, still pray to God to keep me from the temptations that l^^eptfrom^^^ were to come ; for thoueh, as I can temptations that . , . were to come say m truth, my soul was much m prayer before this trial seized me, yet then I prayed only, or at the most principally, for the removal of present troubles, and for fresh discoveries of His love in Christ, which I saw afterwards was not enough to do ; I also should have prayed that the great God would keep me from the evil that was to come. 238. Of this I was made deeply sensible by the prayer of holy David^ who when he was under present mercy, yet prayed that God would hold him back from sin and temptation to come ; Then^ saith he, shall I be upright^ and I shall be innocent from the great transgression. Psalm xix. 13. By this very word was I galled and condemned quite through this long temptation. 239. That was also another word that did much condemn me for my folly, in the neglect of this duty. Heb. iv. 16: Let us therefore come boldly ^2>Z GRACE ABOUNDING unto the throne of grace ^ that we may obtain mercy ^ There was ^^^ fi^^^ grace to help in time of need. another word Xliis I had not done, and therefore that did much rr i • condemn me for was thus Suffered to sin and fall, ac- ^^ ^ ^ cording to what is written, Fray that ye enter not into temptation. And truly this very thing is to this day of such weight and awe upon me, that I dare not, when I come before the Lord, go off my knees, until I intreat Him for help and mercy against the temptations that are to come ; and I do beseech thee, reader, that thou learn to beware of my negligence, by the afflictions, that for this thing I did for days, and months, and years, with sorrow undergo. 240. Another cause of this temptation was, that I had tempted God ; and on this manner did I do it : Upon a time my wife was great with child, and before her full time was come, her pangs, as of a woman in travail, were fierce and strongupon her, even as if she would have fallen immediately in labour, and been delivered of an untimely birth : now at this very time it was, that I had been so strongly tempted to question the being of God ; wherefore, as my wife lay crying by me, I said, but with all secrecy imagin- able, even thinking in my heart, Lord.^ if Thou wilt now remove this sad affliction from my wife., and cause that she be troubled no more therewith this night (and now were her pangs just upon her), then I shall know that Thou canst discern the most secret thoughts of the heart. HE KNEW MY SECRET THOUGHTS 241. I had no sooner said it in my heart, but her pangs were taken from her, and she was cast into a deep sleep, and so continued till morning ; at this I greatly marvelled, not knowing what to think ; but after I had been awake a good while, and heard her cry no more, I fell asleep also ; so when I awaked in the morning, it came upon me again, even what I had said in my heart the last night, and how the Lord had showed me, that He knew my secret thoughts, which was a great astonishment unto me for several weeks after 242. Well, about a year and a half afterwards, that wicked sinful thought, of which , , 1 1 r 11 That wicked 1 have spoken before, went through thought, 'Let my wicked heart, even this thought, wm/ ISnt'^^** Let Christ go, if He will: so when through my I was fallen under the guilt for this, the remembrance of my other thought, and of the effect thereof, would also come upon me with this retort, which also carried rebuke along with it, Now you may see that God doth know the most secret thoughts of the heart. 243. And with this, that of the passages that were betwixt the Lord, and His servant ••VI I am hke Gideon Lfideon^ reli upon my spirit ; now be- cause that Gideon tempted God with his fleece, both wet and dry, when he should have believed and ventured upon His word ; therefore the Lord did afterwards so try him, as to send him against an GRACE ABOUNDING innumerable company of enemies, and that too, as to outward appearance, without any strength or help. Judges vi. 7. Thus He served me, and that justly, for I should have believed His word, and not have put an if upon the all-seeingness of God. 244. And now to show you something of the advantages that 1 also have gained pi^es by°the" *° ^7 ^^'^^ temptation : and first, by this glory of the holi- I ^as made continually to possess in cess of God my soul a very wonderful sense both of the blessing and glory of God, and of His beloved Son ; in the temptation that went before, my soul was perplexed with unbelief, blasphemy, hardness of heart, questions about the being of God, Christ, the truth of the word, and certainty of the world to come : I say, then I was greatly assaulted and tormented with atheism, but now the case was otherwise ; now was God and Christ continually before my face, though not in a way of comfort, but in a way of exceeding dread and terror. The glory of the holiness of God, did at this time break me to pieces ; and the bowels and compassion of Christ did break me as on the wheel ; for I could not consider Him but as a lost and rejected Christ, the remembrance of which, was as the continual breaking of my bones. 245. The scriptures also were wonderful things unto me ; I saw that the truth and verity of them were the keys of the kingdom of heaven; those 136 TEMPTATION AND PROMISE that the scriptures favour, they must inherit bHss ; but those that they oppose and con- i saw that the demn, must perish for evermore : Oh! truth of the ' * . scriptures were this word, tor the scriptures cannot the keys of be broken^ would rend the caul of my heart : and so would that other, Whose sins ye remit ^ they are remitted ; but whose sins ye retain^ they are retained. Now I saw the apostles to be the elders of the city of refuge. Joshua xx. 4. Those that they were to receive in, were received to life ; but those that they shut out, were to be slain by the avenger of blood. 246. Oh ! one sentence of the scripture did more afflict and terrify my mind, I mean those sentences that stood against me scripture did (as sometimes I thought they every JJJ^^d than L""^ one did) more, I say, than an army army of forty - P , , ^ , . / thousand mea or forty thousand men that might have come against me. Woe be to him against whom the scriptures bend themselves ! 247. By this temptation I was made to see more into the nature of the promises than ever I was before ; for I lying now trembling under the mighty hand of God, continually torn and rent by the thundering of His justice: this made me with careful heart, and watchful eye, with great fearful- ness to turn over every leaf, and with much diligence, mixed with trembling, to consider every sentence, together with its natural force and latitude. GRACE ABOUNDING 248. By this temptation also I was greatly holden ofF from my former foolish practice of Like & msn sinking, I would putting by the word of promise when catchatalllsaw .^ ^^^^ .^^^ ^^ ^^^^ , ^^^ ^^^^ though I could not suck that comfort and sweetness from the promise, as I h^d done at other times ; yet, like to a man sinking, I would catch at all I saw : formerly I thought I might not meddle with the promise, unless I felt its comfort, but now 'twas no time thus to do ; the avenger of blood too hardly did pursue me. 249. Now therefore I was glad to catch at tbat G dh th word which yet I feared I had no bigger mouth to grround or right to own ; and even to speak with, than , . , , - , I a heart to con- leap mto the bosom or that promise ceivewith ^^^^ y^^ J £^^j.g^ ^j^ g^^^ j^g ^^^^^ against me. Now also I should labour to take the word as God hath laid it down, without restraining the natural force of one syllable thereof: O! what did I now see in that blessed sixth of John : And hini tbat cometh to ;;zVe endeavoured them so ; but for those that was to to understand , 1 ^ J ^1 . the Scriptures be understood otherwise, we en- literaliyand deavoured so to understand them. otherwise N 193 GRACE ABOUNDING Fosf, He said, Which of the Scriptures do you understand literally ? Bun, I said this, He that believes shall be saved. This was to be understood just as it is spoken ; that whosoever believcth in Christ shall, according to the plain and simple words of the text, be saved. Fost, He said that I was ignorant, and did not understand the Scriptures ; for how, said he, can you understand them when you know not the original Greek? etc. Bun, To whom I said, that if that was his opinion, that none could understand the Scriptures but those that had the original Greek, etc., then but a very few of the poorest sort should be saved (this is harsh) ; yet the Scripture saith, That God hides these things from the wise and prudent (that is, from the learned of the world), and reveals them to babes and sucklings. Fost. He said there were none that heard me but a company of foolish people. Bun. I told him that there was the wise as well - . . ^, . as the foolish that do hear me : and I said, the wise ^ ' and foolish heard again, those that were most commonly counted foolish by the world are the wisest before God ; also, that God had rejected the wise, and mighty, and noble, and chosen the foolish, and the base. Fost. He told me that I made people neglect 194 CONDITIONAL LIBERTY their calling ; and that God had commanded people to work six days, and serve Him on the seventh. Bun. I told him that it was the duty of people, (both rich and poor), to look out for their souls on them days as well as (Foster) that it for their bodies ; and that God would ndf ^nd poo^r to have His people exhort one another look out after , ., , ., . . 1, , , theirsouls daily, while it is called to-day. Fost. He said again that there were none but a company of poor, simple, ignorant people that come to hear me. Bun. I told him that the foolish and the ignorant had most neevl of teaching and information; and, therefore, it would be profitable for me to go on in that work. Fost. Well, said he, to conclude, but will you promise that you will not call the people together any more ? and then you may be released and go home. Bun. I told him that I durst say no more than I had said ; for I durst not leave off that work which God had called me to. So he withdrew from me, and then came several of the justice's servants to me, and -,,-... J ' The justice s told me that I stood so much upon servants said to ,—,. . . . . me I stood so a nicety, ineir master, they said, much upon a was willing to let me go ; and if I °^^^^y would but say I would call the people no more to- gether, I might have my liberty, etc. Bun. I told them there were more ways than one in which a man might be said to call the people GRACE ABOUNDING together. As for instance, if a man get upon the market-place, and there read a book, or the like, though he do not say to the people, Sirs, come hither and hear ; yet if they come to him because he reads, he, by his very reading, may be said to call them together ; because they would not have been there to hear if he had not been there to read. And seeing this might be termed a calling the people together ; I durst not say, I would not call them together ; for then, by the same argument, my preaching might be said to call them together. Wing, and Fost. Then came the justice and Mr ,„ Foster to me aeain : Twe had a little We had a little i more discourse more discourse about preachmg, bat a ou preac ing ]3g(,^^ge ^}^g method of it is out of my mind, I pass it) ; and when they saw that I was at a point, and would not be moved nor persuaded, Mr Foster, the man that did at first express so much love to me, told the justice that then he must send me away to prison. And that he would do well, also, if he v/ould present all those that were the cause of my coming among them to meetings. Thus we parted. And, verily, as I was going forth of the doors, I . had much ado to forbear saying to peace of God them that I Carried the peace of God ^^ "i« along with me ; but I held my peace, and, blessed be the Lord, went away to prison, with God's comfort in my poor soul. After I had lain in the jail five or six days, the 196 BACK AGAIN TO PRISON brethren sought means, again, to get me out by bondsmen ; (for so ran my mittimus, , .... ' ^ . . •' 'I was not at all that I should lie there till I could find daunted, but . ^ rpi ^ ^ • . ^ rather glad sureties), iney went to a justice at Elstow, one Mr Crumpton, to desire him to take bond for my appearing at the quarter sessions. At the first he told them he would ; but afterwards he made a demur at the business, and desired first to see my mittimus, which ran to this purpose : That I went about to several conventicles in the county, to the great disparagement of the government of the church of England, etc. When he had seen it, he said that there might be something more against me than was expressed in my mittimus; and that he was but a young man, therefore he durst not do it. This my jailor told me ; and, whereat I was not at all daunted but rather glad, and saw evidently that the Lord had heard me ; for before I went down to the justice, I begged of God that if I might do more good by being at liberty than in prison, that then I might be set at liberty; but if not, His will be done ; for I was not altogether with- out hopes but that my imprisonment might be an awakening to the saints in the country, therefore I could not tell well which to choose ; , ^ ^ , T . , ,.j . I met my God only 1, m that manner, did commit sweetly in the the thing to God. And verily, at my P"^°" ^^^^ return, I did meet my God sweetly in the prison again, comforting of me and satisfying of me 197 GRACE ABOUNDING that it was His will and mind that I should be there. When I came back again to prison, as I was musing at the slender answer of the justice, this word dropt in upon my heart with some life. For He knew that for envy they had delivered Him. Thus have I, in short, declared the manner and I have declared occasion of my being in prison; the manner of my where I lie waiting: the eood will of bemg m prison . o & where I he God, to do with me as He pleaseth ; waiting the i • i i • r good will of knowmg that not one nair or my head can fall to the ground without the will of my Father, which is in heaven. Let the rage and malice of men be never so great, they can do no more, nor go any further, than God permits them ; but when they have done their worst, We know all things shall work together for good to them that love God. Farewell. Here is the Sum of my Examination before Justice Keelin, Justice Chester, Justice Blundale, Justice Beecher, Justice Snagg, etc. After I had lain in prison above seven weeks, the quarter-sessions were to be kept A bill of indict- .-Djrjr ^. i. c ment preferred in Bedford, lor the county thereof, agams me ^^^^ which I was to be brought ; and when my jailor had set me before those justices, there was a bill of indictment preferred against me. 198 EXAMINED BY THE JUSTICES The extent thereof was as followeth : That John Bunyan, of the town of Bedford, labourer, being a person of such and such conditions, he hath (since such a time) devilishly and perniciously abstained from coming to church to hear Divine service, and is a common upholder of several unlawful meetings and conventicles, to the great disturbance and dis- traction of the good subjects of this kingdom, contrary to the laws of our sovereign lord the King, etc. The Clerk, When this was read, the clerk of the sessions said unto me, What say you to this ? Bun, I said, that as to the first part of it, I was a common frequenter of the Church A J 1 1 Iwasacommon of God. And was also, by grace, a frequenter of the member with the people, over whom urc o o Christ is the Head. Keelin. But, saith Justice Keelin (who was the judge in that court), do you come to church (you know what I mean) ; to the parish church, to hear Divine service ? Bun. I answered. No, I did not. Keel. He asked me, Why? Bun. I said. Because I did not find it commanded in the Word of God. Keel. He said. We were commanded to pray. Bun. I said, But not by the Common Prayer-Book. Keel, He said, How then ? ' Bun. I said, With the Spirit. As the apostle 199 GRACE ABOUNDING saith, / will pray with the Spirit^ and with the understanding, i Cor. xiv. 15. Keel. He said, We might pray with the Spirit, and with the understanding, and with the Common Prayer-Book also. Bun, I said, that the prayers in the Common Prayer-Book were such as was made Ll'he'w^ir'^' by Other men, and not by the pray with the motions of the ?Ioly Ghost, within Spirit, etc. J T .J 1, 1 our hearts ; and as 1 said, the apostle saith, he will pray with the Spirit, and with the understanding ; not with the Spirit and the Common Prayer-Book. Another Justice. What do you count prayer."^ Do you think it is to say a few words over before or among a people ? Bun. I said. No, not so ; for men might have many elegant, or excellent words, and yet not pray at all ; but when a man prayeth, he doth, through a sense of those things which he wants (which sense is begotten by the Spirit), pour out his heart before God through Christ ; though his words be not so many and so excellent as others are. Justices. They said, That was true. Bun. I said, This might be done without the Common Prayer-Book. Another. One of them said (I think it was Justice Blundale^ or Justice Snagg)^ How should we know that you do not write out your prayers first, 200 A DISCUSSION ON PRAYER and then read them afterwards to the people? This he spake in a laughing way. Bun. I said, it is not our use, to take a pen and paper, and write a few words there- y ^ T . It IS not our use, on, and then go and read it over to i said, to write r 1 our prayers a company or people. ^ ^ But how should we know it, said he? Bun. Sir, it is none of our custom, said I. Keel. But said Justice Keelin^ It is lawful to use the Common Prayer, and such like forms : for Christ taught His disciples to pray, as John also taught his disciples. And further, said he, Cannot one man teach another to pray ? Faith comes by hearing ; and one man may convince another of sin, and therefore prayers made by men, and read over, are good to teach, and help men to pray. While he was speaking these words, God brought that word into my mind, in the eighth of the Romans, at the 26th verse. I say, God brought it, for I thought not on it before : but as he was speaking, it came so fresh into my mind, and was set so evidently before me, as if the scripture had said, Take me, take me ; so when he had done speaking, Bun. I said, Sir, the scripture saith, that // is the spirit that helpeth our infirmities ; for we know not what we should the spirit that pray for as we ought ; but the Spirit ^nfiJ^Sies^ itself maketh intercession for us, with sighs and groanings which cannot be uttered. 201 GRACE ABOUNDING Mark, said I, it doth DOt say the Common Prayer- Book teacheth us how to pray, but the Spirit. And it is the Spirit that helpeth our injirmiiies^ saith the apostle ; he doth not say it is the Common Prayer-Book. And as to the Lord's prayer, akhough it be an easy thing to say. Our Father^ etc., with the mouth; yet there is very few that can, in the Spirit, say the two first words in that prayer ; that is, that can call God their Father, as knowing what it is to be born again, and as having experience, that they are begotten of the Spirit of God : which if they do not, all is but babbling, etc. Keel. Justice Keelin said that that was a truth. Bun, And I say further, as to your saying that , _„ ^ ^^ one man may convince another of sin, 1 say men may j ' tell each other and that faith comes by hearing:, and of their sms, but , ,, i i the Spirit must that one man may tell another now convince them i i i i t he should pray, etc., 1 say men may tell each other of their sins, but it is the Spirit that must convince them. And though it be said that fjitb comes by hear- ing : yet it is the Spirit that worketh faith in the heart through hearing, or else they are not profited by hearuig. lieb. iv. 12. And that though one man may tell another how he should pray : yet, as I said before, he cannot pray, nor make his condition known to God, 202 THE DISCUSSION CONTINUED except the Spirit help. It is not the Common Prayer-Book that can do this. It is the Spirit that showetb us our sins^ and the Spirit that sboweth us a Saviour^ Jn. xvi. 16, and the Spirit that stirreth up in our hearts desires to come to God, for such things as we stand in need of, Matt. xi. 27, even sighing out our souls unto Him for them with groans which cannot he uttered. With other words to the same purpose. At this they were set. Keel. But says Justice Keelin.^ What have you against the Common Prayer-Book ? Bun, I said, Sir, if you will hear / ' ^ I shall lay down me, I shall lay down my reasons my reasons ^ . against it agamst it. Keel. He said I should have liberty ; but first, said he, let me give you one caution ; take heed of speaking irreverently of the Common Prayer-Book ; for if you do so, you will bring great damage upon yourself. Bun. So I proceeded, and said, My first reason was, because it was not commanded in the Word of God, and therefore I could not use it. Another. One of them said. Where do you find it commanded in the Scripture, that you should go to Elstoiv.^ or Bedford., and yet it is lawful to go to either of them, is it not ? Bun. I said. To go to Elstow^ or Bedford, was a civil thing, and not material, though not commanded, and yet God's Word allowed me to go about my 203 GRACE ABOUNDING calling, and therefore if it lay there, then to go thither, etc. But to pray, was a word allowed great part of the Divine worship SySaUn|^°"* of God, and therefore it ought to be done according to the rule of God's Word. Another. One of them said, He will do harm ; let him speak no further. KeeL Justice Keelin said. No, no, never fear him, we are better established than so ; he can do no harm ; we know the Common Prayer-Book hath been ever since the apostles' time, and it is lawful for it to be used in the church. Bun. I said. Show me the place in the epistles, where the Common Prayer-Book is written, or one text of Scripture, that commands me to read it, and I will use it. But yet, notwithstanding, said I, they that have a mind to use it, they have their liberty ; that is, I would not keep them from it ; but for our parts, we can pray to God without it. Blessed be His name ! With that, one of them said. Who is your God ? They often said Beelzebub? Moreover, they often I was possessed said, that I was possessed with the with the spirit of . .' c ^ ^ - j r i. j -i delusion, and of spirit of delusion, and ot the devil. All which sayings I passed over ; the Lord forgive them ! And further, I said. Blessed be the Lord for it ; we are encouraged to meet to- gether, and to pray, and exhort one another; for 204 JUSTICE KEELIN VERY RUDE we have had the comfortable presence of God among us. For ever blessed be His holy name ! Keel. Justice Keelin called this pedler's French, saying, that I must leave off my canting. The Lord open his eyes ! Bun. I said that we ought to exhort one another daily, while it is called to-day, etc. Keel. Justice Keelin said that I ought not to preach ; and asked me where I had my authority ? with other such like words. Bun. I said that I would prove that j ^^^^ j would it was lawful for me, and such prove it was _. 1 1 TTT 1 r lawful for me to as 1 am, to preach the Word or preach the Word God. ^^^°^ Keel. He said unto me, By what Scripture ? Bun. I said. By that in the first epistle of Peter, chap. iv. lo, ii, and Acts xviii., with other Scriptures, which he would not suffer me to mention. But said, Hold ; not so many, which is the first? Bun. I said this : As every man hath received the nfU even so let him minister the 1 'A h. same unto another^ as good stewards man^'ath re- ^ of the manifold ^race of God. If ceiled the gift so -J J a J ♦'let him mimster any man speak., let him speak as the oracles of God., etc. Keel. He said, Let me a little open that Scripture to you : As every man hath received the gift ; that is, said he, as every one hath received a trade, so let 205 GRACE ABOUNDING him follow it. If any man have received a gift of tinkering, as thou hast done, let him follow his tinkering. And so other men their trades. And the divine his calling, etc. Bun. Nay, sir, said I, but it is most clear, that I would have ^^^^ apostle speaks here of preaching ^ne ofi, but he the Word ; if you do but compare not give me both the verses together, the next verse explains this gift what it is, saying, if any man speak., let him speak as the oracles of God. So that it is plain, that the Holy Ghost doth not so much in this place exhort to civil callings, as to the exercising of those gifts that we have received from God. I would have gone on, but he would not give me leave. Keel. He said, We might do it in our families, but not otherways. Bun, I said. If it was lawful to do good to some, I said, if it was i^ ^^^S ^^^'^^1 ^^ ^° gOO^ to "^O^^- I^ lawful to do g-ood it was a c^ood duty to exhort our to some, it was ^ . , . . , lawful to do good families, it was good to exhort others ; to more ^^^^ |£ ^^^^ j^^|^ |j. ^ ^j^ ^^ ra^^x. to- gether to seek the face of God, and exhort one another to follow Christ, I should sin still; for so we should do. Keel. He said he was not so well versed in Scripture as to dispute, or words to that purpose. And said, moreover, that they could not wait upon me any longer ; but said to me. Then you confess 206 BUNYAN REFUSES TO BE SILENXED. I told him if I zvere out of prison to-day, I ivoiild preach the Gospel again to-morrow. A VINDICTIVE SENTENCE the indictment, do you not ? Now, and not till now, I saw I was indicted. Bun. I said. This I confess, we have had many meetings together, both to pray to God, and to exhort one another, and ^e had many * that we had the sweet comforting ^l^^^^^^^^' presence of the Lord amone us for prayer and ex- , , ,*^, TT- nortation our encouragement; blessed be His name therefore. I confessed myself guilty no otherwise. Keel. Then, said he, bear your judgment. You must be had back again to prison, and there lie for three months following ; and at three months' end, if you do not submit to go to church to hear Divine service, and leave your preaching, you must be banished the realm : and if, after such a day as shall be appointed you to be gone, you shall be found in this realm, etc., or be found to come over again without special licence from the king, etc., you must stretch by the neck for it, I tell you plainly : and so he bid my jailor have me away. Bun. I told him, as to this matter, I was at a point with him ; for if I were out of prison to-day, I would preach the ^^r{s7nltT^^\ Gospel again to-morrow, by the help ^°^to mwrow of God. ^^^ o-morrow Another. To which one made me some answer: but my jailor pulling me away to be gone, I could not tell what he said. 207 GRACE ABOUNDING Thus I departed from them ; and I can truly say, My heart was ^ ^^^^^ ^^^ ^^^^ ^^^^^ Christ for it, sweetly re- that my heart was sweetly refreshed freshed at my , , . - . . returning: to m the time or my exammation, and prison ^1^^ afterwards, at my returning to the prison. So that I found Christ's words more than bare trifles, where He saith, / will give you a mouth and wisdom^ which all your adversaries shall not he able to gainsay^ nor resist. Luke xxi. 1 5. And that His peace no man can take from us. Thus have I given you the substance of my examination. The Lord make this profitable to all that shall read or hear it. Farewell. The Substance of some Discourse had between the Clerk of the Peace and myself ; when he came to admonish me., according to the tenor of that Law., by which I was in prison. When I had lain in prison other twelve weeks, ^ , , ,,, and now not knowing: what they The clerk of the . ^ ^ J Peace comes to mtended to do with me, upon the third of April 1661, comes Mr Cobb unto me (as he told me), being sent by the justices to admonish me ; and demand of me submittance to the church of England, etc. The extent of our dis- course was as followeth. Cobb. When he was come into the house he sent for me out of my chamber ; who, when I was come 208 ON MEETING WITH OTHERS unto him, he said, Neighbour Bunyan^ how do you do? Bun. I thank you. Sir, said I, very well, blessed be the Lord. Cobb, Saith he, I come to tell you, that it is desired you would submit yourself to the laws of the land, or else at the next sessions it will go worse with you, even to be sent away out of the nation, or else worse than that. Bun. I said that I did desire to demean myself in the world, both as becometh a man and a Christian. Cobb. But, saith he, you must submit to the laws of the land, and leave off those meetings which you w^as wont to have; for the statute-law is directly against it; and I am sent to you by the justices to tell you that they do intend to prosecute the law against you if you submit not. Bun. I said, Sir, I conceive that that law by which I am in prison at this time, doth not reach or condemn either me, or the Jo^them"^^ ^^^^^ meetings which I do frequent; that law was made against those, that being designed to do evil in their meetings, making the exercise of religion their pretence, to cover their wickedness. It doth not forbid the private meetings of those that plainly and simply make it their only end to worship the Lord, and to exhort one another to edification. My end in meeting with others is simply to do as much good as I can, by exhortation and counsel, o 209 GRACE ABOUNDING according to that small measure of light which God hath given me, and not to disturb the peace of the nation. Cobb. Every one will say the same, said he ; you see the late insurrection ^ at London^ under what glorious pretences they went ; and yet, indeed, they intended no less than the ruin of the kingdom and commonwealth. Bun. That practice of theirs, I abhor, said I ; yet I look upon it as ^^/^^^ "^^ ^^^^^^ ^^^^' because they my duty to be- did SO, therefore all others will do so. have myself t i i • i i i under the King's 1 looK upon It as my duty to behave governmen myself under the King's government, both as becomes a man and a Christian, and if an occasion were offered me, I should willingly mani- fest my loyalty to my Prince, both by word and deed. Cobb. Well, said he, I do not profess myself to be a man that can dispute ; but this I say, truly, neigh- bour Bunyan^ I would have you consider this matter seriously, and submit yourself; you may have your liberty to exhort your neighbour in private discourse, so be you do not call together an assembly of people ; and, truly, you may do much good to the church of Christ, if you would go this way; and this you may do, and the law not abridge you of it. It is your private meetings that the law is against. Bun. Sir, said I, if I may do good to one by my ^ The Venner insurrection is here referred to, 2IO DOING GOOD TO ONE OR MANY discourse, why may I not do good to two ? And if to two, why not to four, and so to eight ? etc. Cobb. Ay, saith he, and to a hundred, I warrant you. Bun. Yes, Sir, said I, I think I should not be for- bid to do as much good as I can. Cobb. But, saith he, you may but pretend to do good, and instead, notwithstanding, do harm, by seducing the people ; you are, therefore, denied your meeting so many together, lest you should do harm. Bun. And yet, said I, you say the law tolerates me to discourse with my neighbour; surely there is no law tolerates me to toSftel^me^tS seduce any one; therefore if I may discourse with , , ,. . T / my neighbour by the law discourse with one, surely it is to do him good ; and if I by discoursing may do good to one, surely, by the same law, I may do good to many. Cobb. The law, saith he, doth expressly forbid your private meetings ; therefore they are not to be tolerated. Bun. I told him that I would not entertain so much uncharitableness of that Parliament in the 35th of Elizabeth.^ or of the Queen herself, as to think they did, by that law, intend the i defend myself oppressino: of any of God's ordin- by explaining- ^^ °, . -^ . . , and upholding ances, or the mterruptmg any m the the law of the way of God ; but men may, in the wresting of it, turn it against the way of God ; but 211 GRACE ABOUNDING take the law In itself, and it only fighteth against those that drive at mischief in their hearts and meeting, making religion only their cloak, colour, or pretence ; for so are the words of the statute : If any meetings^ under colour or pretence of religion, etc. Cohb. Very good ; therefore the king, seeing that pretences are usually in and among people, so as to make religion their pretence only ; therefore he, and the law before him, doth forbid such private meetings, and tolerates only public ; you may meet in public. Bun. Sir, said I, let me answer you in a similitude : .^ , , , Set the case that, at such a wood Sir, said I, let j.j n c ^ me answer you corner, there did usually come forth in a similitude ■,. ^ ^ • "U- r ^ ^u thieves, to do mischief; must there therefore a law be made, that every one that cometh out there shall be killed ? May not there come out true men as well as thieves out from thence.'* Just thus is it in this case ; I do think there may be many that may design the destruction of the commonwealth ; but it doth not follow therefore that all private meetings are unlav/ful ; those that transgress, let them be punished. And if at any time I myself should do any act in my conversation as doth not become a man and Christian, let me bear the punishment. And as for your saying I may meet in public, if I may be suffered, I would gladly do it. Let me have but meeting enough in public, and I shall care the less to have them in private. I do not meet in private because I am afraid to have meetings TO ERR OR TO BE A HERETIC in public. I bless the Lord that my heart is at that point, that if any man can lay any thing to my charge, either in doctrine or in practice, in this particular, that can be proved error or heresy, I am willing to disown it, even in the very market-place ; but if it be truth, then to stand to it to the last drop of my blood. And, Sir, said I, you ought to com- mend me for so doing. To err and if it can be to be a heretic are two thino^s ; I am proved I am . T -n J gruilty of error no heretic, because 1 will not stand or heresy, I will refractorily to defend any one thing that is contrary to the Word. Prove any thing which I hold to be an error, and I will recant it. Cobb, But, goodman Bunyan^ said he, methinks you need not stand so strictly upon this one thing, as to have meetings of such public assemblies. Cannot you sub- mit, and, notwithstanding, do as much good as you can, in a neighbourly way, without having such meetings ? Bun, Truly, Sir, said I, I do not desire to com- m.end myself, but to think meanly of myself; yet when I do most despise myself, taking notice of that small measure of light which God hath given me, also that the people of the Lord (by their own saying), are edified thereby. Besides, when I see that the Lord, through grace, hath in some measure blessed my labour, I dare not but exercise that gift which God hath given me for the good of the people. And I said further, that I would willingly speak in public if I might. 213 GRACE ABOUNDING Cobb. He said, that I might come to the public assemblies and hear. What though you do not preach? you may hear. Do not think yourself so well enlightened, and that you have received a gift so far above others, but that you may hear other men preach. Or to that purpose. Bun, I told him, I was as willing to be taught as to give instruction, and I looked upon I s&id I Tvss sls • willing to be It as my duty to do both ; for, said I, ks§^ction°^'''^ a man that is a teacher, he himself may learn also from another that teacheth, as the apostle saith. We may all prophesy one by one^ that all may learn, i Cor. xiv. 31. That is, every man that hath received a gift from God, he may dispense it, that others may be com- forted ; and when he hath done, he may hear and learn, and be comforted himself of others. Cobb. But, said he, what if you should forbear awhile, and sit still, till you see further how things will go? Bun. Sir, said I, Wickliffe saith, that he which Isaid,*Wickliffe leaveth off preaching and hearing of saith, he who the Word of God for fear of excom- leaveth off . . p 1 • 1 1 preaching for munication of men, he is already ex- fear of excom- . ^ J r r> i j i n • munication is communicated or God, and shall m muS^tedor* the day of judgment be counted a God' traitor to Christ.^ 1 Bunyan here refers to a translation of WicklifFe's doctrines in John Foxe's Martyrologyy a favourite book of his. 214 PROOF BY THE BIBLE Cobb. Ay, saith he, they that do not hear shall be so counted indeed ; do you, therefore, hear ? Bu7i, But, Sir, said I, he saith, he that shall leave off either preaching or hearing, etc. That is, if he hath received a gift for edification, it is his sin, if he doth not lay it out in a way of exhortation and counsel, according to the proportion of his gift ; as well as to spend his time altogether in hearing others preach. Cobb. But, said he, how shall we know that you have received a gift? Bun. Said I, Let any man hear and search, and prove the doctrine by the Bible. Cobb. But will you be willing, said he, that two indifferent persons shall determine the case ; and will you stand by their judgment? Bun. I said, Are they infallible? Cobb. He said. No. Bun. Then, said I, it is possible my judgment may be as e^ood as theirs. But yet I , .,■; 1 .1 J. i- I am willing: to will pass by either, and in this matter be judged by the be judged by the Scriptures ; I am ^"^ ^^^ sure that is infallible, and cannot err. Cobb. But, said he, who shall be judge between you, for you take the Scriptures one way, and they another ? Bun. I said the Scripture should : and that by comparing one Scripture with another ; for that will open itself, if it be rightly compared. As 215 GRACE ABOUNDING for instance, if under the different apprehensions of the word Mediator^ you would tm? will open know the truth of it, the Scriptures mediator must take up the business between two, and a mediator is not a mediator of one, — but God is one^ and there is one Mediator between God and men^ even the man Christ Jesus. Gal. iii. 20 ; i Tim. ii. 5. So likewise the Scripture calleth Christ a complete^ or perfect, or able high priest. That is opened in that He is called man, and also God. His blood also is discovered to be effectually efficacious by the same things. So the Scripture, as touching the matter of meeting to- gether, etc., doth likewise sufficiently open itself and discover its meaning. Cobb, But are you willing, said he, to stand to the judgment of the church ? Bun. Yes, Sir, said I, to the approbation of the church of God; (the church's jude- I told him I did . , ' ^ 1 • o • n look upon mv- ment is best expressed m bcr.jpture). walk according ^^ ^*^^ much Other discourse which to all righteous J cannot well remember, about the laws , ' , , laws of the nation, and submission to governments ; to which I did tell him, that I did look upon myself as bound in conscience to walk accord- ing to all righteous laws, and that, whether there was a king or no ; and if 1 did any thing that was contrary, I did hold it my duty to bear patiently the 216 SUBMISSION TO AUTHORITY penalty of the law, that was provided against such oiFenders ; with many more words to the like effect. And said, moreover, that to cut off all occasions of suspicion from any, as touching the harmlessness of my doctrine in private, I would willingly take the pains to give any one the notes of all my sermons ; for I do sincerely desire to live quietly in my country, and to submit to the present authority. Cobb. Well, neighbour Bunyan^ said he, but indeed I would wish you seriously to consider of these things, between this and the quarter-sessions, and to submit yourself. You may do much good if you continue still in the land ; but alas, what benefit will it be to your friends, or what good can you do to them, if you should be sent away beyond the seas into Spain^ or Constantinople^ or some other remote part of the world ? Pray be ruled. Jailor. Indeed, Sir, I hope he will be ruled. Bun. I shall desire, said I, in all godliness and honesty to behave myself in the ik^ownoevU nation, whilst I am in it. And if I that I have done , .11 in this matter. I must be so dealt withal, as you say, speak as in the I hope God will help me to bear what P'^'^°^^ ^^ ^^^ they shall lay upon me. I know no evil that I have done in this matter, to be so used. I speak as in the presence of God. Cobb. You know, saith he, that the Scripture saith, the powers that be^ are ordained of God, 2iy GRACE ABOUNDING Bun. I said, Yes, and that I was to submit to the King as supreme, and also to the governors, as to them who are sent by Him. Cobb. Well then, said he, the King then com- mands you, that you should not have any private meetings ; because it is against his law, and he is ordained of God, therefore you should not have any. Bun. I told him that Paul did own the powers that were in his day, to be of God ; law provides ^ ^^^ 7^^ ^^ ^^^^ often in prison under two ways of them for all that. And also, thouprh obeying ' ^ Jesus Christ told Pilate.^ that He had no power against him, but of God, yet He died under the same Pilate ; and yet, said I, I hope you will not say that either Paul.^ or Christ, were such as did deny magistracy, and so sinned against God in slighting the ordinance. Sir, said I, the law hath provided two ways of obeying : the one to do that which I, in my conscience, do believe that I am bound to do, actively ; and where I cannot obey actively, there I am willing to lie down, and to suffer what they shall do unto me. At this he sat still, and said no more ; which when he had done, I did thank him for his civil and meek discoursing with me ; and so we parted. O ! that we might meet in heaven I Farewell. J. B. 218 MRS BUNYAN AT THE ASSIZES Here followeth a discourse between my Wife and the Judges^ with others^ touching my Deliverance at the Assizes following ; the which I took from her own Mouth. After that I had received this sentence of banishincr or hanginsr, from them, _, r 1 r 1 • • They took me and after the former admonition, for a convicted touching the determination of the hfndered^y justices, if I did not recant; just P|jj^^|^|°the when the time drew nieh, in which King's corona- tiftfi I should have abjured, or have done worse (as Mr Cobb told me), came the time in which the King was to be crowned.^ Now, at the coronation of kings, there is usually a releasement of divers prisoners, by virtue of his coronation ; in which privilege also I should have had my share ; but that they took me for a convicted person, and therefore, unless I sued out a pardon (as they called it), I could have no benefit thereby, notwithstanding, yet, forasmuch as the coronation proclamation did give liberty, from the day the King was crowned, to that day twelvemonth, to sue them out ; therefore, though they would not let me out of prison, as they let out thousands, yet they could not meddle with me, as touching the execution of their sentence; because of the liberty offered for the suing out of 1 April 23, 166 1. 219 GRACE ABOUNDING pardons. Whereupon I continued in prison till the next assizes, which are called Midsummer assizes, being then kept in August^ 1661. Now, at that assizes, because I would not leave any possible means unattempted My wife did . "' ^ . , , . r 1 t j • 1 i present for me that might be lawful, 1 did, by my ^Aug^irrili wife, present a petition to the judges a petition to the t^ij-ee times, that I might be heard, judges ' . ° . ' and that they would impartially take my case into consideration. The first time my wife went, she presented it to Judge Hale^ who very mildly received veVmiW^^e- it at her hand, telling her that he H^e"^ ^^^"^^^^ would do her and me the best good he could ; but he feared, he said, he could do none. The next day, again, lest they should, through the multitude of business, forget me, we did throw another petition into the coach to Judge Twisdon ; who, when he angfuysaddl h^d seen it, snapt her up, and angrily ^rson*^°°^^^^^^ told her that I was a convicted person, and could not be released, unless I would promise to preach no more, etc. Well, after this, she yet again presented another to Judge Hale, as he sat on the bench. Justice Chester r •. j -ir said I was a hot- who, as it Seemed, was wilhng to spirited fellow gj^^ ^^^ audience. Only Justice Chester being present, stept up and said, that I was convicted in the court, and that I was a hot-spirited 220 Bunyan's Wife pleading with the Judges. Sue then coming into the chamber with abashed face, and a trembling hearty be.^an her errand to them in this manner. AN APPEAL TO JUDGE HALE fellow (or words to that purpose), whereat he waived it, and did not meddle therewith. But yet, my wife being encouraged by the high-sheriff, did venture once more into their presence (as the poor widow did before the unjust judge) to try what she could do with them for my liberty, before they went forth of the town. The place where she went to them, was to the Swan-chamher^ where the two judges, and many justices and gentry of the country, was in company together. She then coming into the chamber with a bashed face, and a trembling heart, began her errand to them in this manner : — Woman. My lord (directing herself to Judge Hale), I make bold to come once again to your Lordship, to know what may be done with my husband. Judge Hale. To whom he said. Woman, I told thee before I could do thee no good ; because they have taken that for a conviction which thy husband spoke at the sessions : and unless there be something done to undo that, I can do thee no good. Woman. My lord, said she, he is kept unlawfully in prison ; they clapped him up before there was any proclamation against the meetings ; the indict- ment also is false. Besides, they never asked him whether he was guilty or no; neither did he confess the indictment. One of the Justices. Then one of the justices that stood by, whom she knew not, said, My Lord, he was lawfully convicted. 221 GRACE ABOUNDING Worn. It is false, said she ; for when they said to him, Do you confess the indictment? he said only this, that he had been at several meetings, both where there were preaching the Word, and prayer, and that they had God's presence among them. Judge Twisdon. Whereat Judge Tivisdon answered very angrily, saying, What, you think we can do what we list ; your husband is a breaker of the peace, and is convicted by the law, etc. Whereupon Judge Hale called for the Statute Book. Worn. But, said she, my lord, he was not lawfully convicted. Chester. Then Justice Chester said. My lord, he was lawfully convicted. Worn. It is false, said she ; it was but a word of dis- course that they took for a conviction (as you heard before). Chest, But it is recorded, woman ; it is recorded, said Justice Chester \ as if it must be of necessity true, because it was recorded. With which words he often endeavoured to stop her mouth, having no other argument to convince her, but it is recorded, it is recorded. Worn, My Lord, said she, I was a while since at London^ to see if I could get my presentTa^ husband's liberty; and there I spoke Barkwood^'*'^'^ with my lord Barkwood, one of the House of Lords, to whom I delivered a petition, who took it of me and presented it to 222 TWO ANGRY JUDGES some of the rest of the House of Lords, for my husband's releasement ; who, when they had seen it, they said, that they could not release him, but had committed his releasement to the judges, at the next assizes. This he told me ; and now I am come to you to see if any thing may be done in this business, and you give neither releasement nor relief. To which they gave her no answer, but made as if they heard her not. Chest. Only Justice Chester was often up with this, — He is convicted, and it is recorded. Worn. If it be, it is false, said she. Chest. My lord, said Justice Chester^ he is a pestilent fellow, there is not such a fellow in the country again. Twis. What, will your husband leave preaching ? If he will do so, then send for him. Worn. My lord, said she, he dares not leave preach- ing as long as he can speak. Twis. See here, what should we talk any more about such a fellow ? Must he do what he lists ? He is a breaker of the peace. Worn. She told him again, that he desired to live peaceably, and to follow his calling, that his family might be maintained ; and moreover, said. My Lord, I have four small children, that cannot help them- selves, one of which is blind, and have nothing to live upon, but the charity of good people. Hale Hast thou four children ? said Judge 223 GRACE ABOUNDING Hale; thou art but a young woman to have four children. Worn, My lord, said she, I am but mother-in-law to them, having not been married to Mrs Bunyan . . '. ° t i i t speaks to Judge him yet full two years. Indeed, 1 was ® with child when my husband was first apprehended ; but being young, and unaccustomed to such things, said she, I being smayed ^ at the news, fell into labour, and so continued for eight days, and then was delivered, but my child died. Hale. Whereat, he looking very soberly on the matter, said, Alas, poor woman ! Twis, But Judge Twisdon told her, that she made poverty her cloak ; and said, moreover, that he understood I was maintained better by running up and down a preaching, than by following my calling. Hale. What is his calling.'* said Judge Hale. Answer. Then some of the company that stood by, said, A tinker, my lord. Worn. Yes, said she ; and because he is a tinker, and a poor man, therefore he is despised, and cannot have justice. Hale. Then Judge Hale answered very mildly, saying, I tell thee, woman, seeing it is so, that they have taken what thy husband spake for a conviction ; thou must either apply thyself to the King, or sue out his pardon, or get a writ of error. Chest. But when Justice Chester heard him give ^ * Smayed,' an obsolete contraction of * dismayed.' 224 A BRAVE AND FEARLESS WIFE her this counsel; and especially (as she supposed) because he spoke of a writ of error, he chafed, and seemed to be very much offended; saying, My lord, he will preach and do what he lists. Worn. He preacheth nothing but the Word of God, said she. Twis. He preach the Word of God! said Twisdon; and withal, she thought he would have struck her; he runneth up and down, and doth harm. Worn. No, my lord, said she, it is not so ; God hath owned him, and done much good by him. Twis. God ! said he, his doctrine is the doctrine of the devil. Worn. My lord, said she, when the righteous Judge shall appear, it will be known that his doctrine is not the doctrine of the devil. Twis. My lord, said he, to Judge Hale, do not mind her, but send her away. Hale. Then said Judge Hale, I am sorry, woman, that I can do thee no good ; thou must do one of those three things aforesaid, namely, either to apply thyself to the King, or sue out his pardon, or get a writ of error ; but a writ of error will be cheapest. Worn. At which Chester again seemed to be in a chafe, and put off his hat, and as j^^^^ Chester she thought, scratched his head for very angry anger : but when I saw, said she, that there was no prevailing to have my husband sent for, though I p 225 GRACE ABOUNDING often desired them that they would send for him, that he might speak for himself; telling them, that he could give them better satisfaction than I could, in what they demanded of him, with several other things, which now I forget ; only this I re- member, that though I was somewhat timorous at my first entrance into the chamber, yet before I went out, I could not but break forth into tears, not so much because they were so hard-hearted against me, and my husband, but to think what a sad account such poor creatures will have to give at the coming of the Lord, when they shall there answer for all things whatsoever they have done in the body, whether it be good, or whether it be bad. So, when I departed from them, the book of statutes was brought, but what they said of it I know nothing at all, neither did I hear any more from them. Som^ Carnages of the Adversaries of God's Truth with me at the next Assizes^ which was on the igth of the first month^ 1662. I SHALL pass by what befell between these two How I had assizes, how I had, by my jailor, more liberty some liberty granted me, more than at the first, and how I followed my wonted course of preaching, taking all occasions that were put into my hand to visit the people of God ; exhorting them to be 226 LIBERTY AND IMPRISONMENT steadfast in the faith of Jesus Christ, and to take heed that they touched not the Common Prayer, etc., but to mind the Word of God, which giveth direction to Christians in every point, being able to make the man of God perfect in all things through faith in Jesus Christ, and thoroughly to furnish him unto all good works. 2 Tim. iii. 17. Also how I having, I say, somewhat more liberty, did go to see the Christians at London ; which my enemies hearing of, were so angry, that they had almost cast my jailor out of his place, threatening to indict him, and to do what they could against him. They charged me also, that I went thither to plot and raise division, and make insurrec- tion, which, God knows, was a slander ; whereupon my liberty was more straitened than it was before ; so that I must not now look out of the door. Well, when the next sessions came, which was about the 10th of the iith month (1661), I did ex- pect to have been very roundly dealt have bfen^vlry withal ; but they passed me by, and roundly dealt would not call me, so that I rested till the assizes, which was held the 19th of the first month (1662) following; and when they came, because I had a desire to come before the judge, I desired my jailor to put my name into the calendar among the felons, and name to be put made friends of the judge and high- sheriff, who promised that I should be called : so that I thought what I had done might have been 227 GRACE ABOUNDING effectual for the obtaining of my desire : but all was in vain; for when the assizes came, though my name was in the calendar, and also though both the judge and sheriff had promised that I should appear before them, yet the justices and the clerk of the peace, did so work it about, that I, notwithstanding, was deferred, and was not suffered to appear: and although I say, I do not know of all their carriages towards me, yet this I know, that the clerk of the Q . peace (Mr Cobb) did discover him- greatest self to be oue of my greatest opposers : 2S)b, the clerk for, first he Came to my jailor and of the peace ^^y ^^^ ^^^^ j ^^3^ ^^^ ^^ j^^.^^ before the judge, and therefore must not be put into the calendar; to whom my jailor said, that my name was in already. He bid him put it out again ; my jailor told him that he could not : for he had given the judge a calendar with my name in it, and also the sheriff another. At which he was very much displeased, and desired to see that calendar that was yet in my jailor's hand, who, when he had given it him, he looked on it, and said it was a false calendar; he also took the calendar and blotted out my accusation, as my jailor had written it (which accusation I cannot tell what it was, because it was so blotted out), and he himself put in words to this purpose : That John Bunyan was committed to prison ; being lawfully convicted for upholding of unlawful meetings and conventicles, etc. But yet 228 EFFORTS FOR LIBERTY FAIL for all this, fearing that what he had done, unless he added thereto, it would not do, he first ran to the clerk of the assizes ; then to the justices, and after- wards, because he would not leave any means un- attempted to hinder me, he came again to my jailor, and told him, that if I did go down before the judge, and was released, he would make him pay my fees, which he said was due to him ; and further, told him, that he would complain of him at the next quarter sessions for making of false calendars, though my jailor himself, as I afterwards learned, had put in my accusation worse than in itself it was by far. And thus was I hindered and prevented _ .. ^ ^ ^ . I was hindered at that time also from appearing and prevented, , r ^ • 1 1 1 r • • and left in prison before the judge: and left m prison. Farewell. John Bunyan. A Continuation of Mr Bunyan's life ; beginning where he left cff^ and concluding with the Time and Manner of his Death and Burial: together with his true Character^ etc. Reader, the painful and industrious author of this book, has already given you a faithful ^^^^-^^ ^ ^^.^^^^,^ and very moving relation of the narrative beginning and middle of the days of his pilgrimage on earth ; and since there yet remains somewhat worthy of notice and regard, which occurred in the 229 GRACE ABOUNDING last scene of his life, the which, for want of time, or fear, some over-censorious people should impute it to him as an earnest coveting of praise from men, he has not left behind him in writing. Wherefore, as a true friend, and long acquaintance of Mr Bunyans that his good end may be known, as well as his evil beginning, I have taken upon me, from my know- ledge, and the best account given by other of his friends, to piece this to the thread too soon broke off, and so lengthen it out to his entering upon eternity. He has told you at large, of his birth and education ; the evil habits and corruptions of his youth ; the temptations he struggled and conflicted so frequently with, the mercies, comforts, and deliverances he found, how he came to take upon him the preaching of the Gospel ; the slanders, reproaches and imprisonments that attended him, and the progress he notwithstanding made (by the assistance of God's grace) no doubt to the saving of many souls : therefore take these things, as he himself hath methodically laid them down in the words of verity ; and so I pass on to what remains. After his being freed from his twelve years' imprisonment and upwards, for nonconformity, wherein he had time to furnish the world with sundry good books, etc., and by his patience, to move Dr Barlow^ the then Bishop of Lincoln^ and other church-men, to pity his hard and unreasonable 230 RELEASED FROM PRISON sufferings, so far as to stand very much his friends, ill procuring his enlargement, or there perhaps he had died, by the noisomeness and ill usage of the place. Being now, I say, again at liberty, and ^is occupation having through mercy shaken off his whenatHberty bodily fetters, — for those upon his soul were broken before by the abounding grace that filled his heart, — he went to visit those that had been a comfort to him in his tribulation, with a Christian-like acknow- ledgment of their kindness and enlargement of charity ; giving encouragement by his example, if it happened to be their hard haps to fall into affliction or trouble, then to suffer patiently for the sake of a good conscience, and for the love of God in Jesus Christ towards their souls, and by many cordial persuasions, supported some whose spirits began to sink low, through the fear of danger that threatened their worldly concernment, so that the people found a wonderful consolation in his discourse and admoni- tions. As often as opportunity would admit, he gathered them together (though the law was then in force against meetings) in convenient places, and fed them with the sincere milk of the Word, that they might grow up in grace thereby. To such as were any- where taken and imprisoned upon these accounts, he made it another part of his business to extend his charity, and gather relief for such of them as wanted. He took great care to visit the sick, and strengthen 231 GRACE ABOUNDING them against the suggestions of the tempter, which at such times are very prevalent ; so that they had cause for ever to bless God, Who had put it into his heart, at such a time, to rescue them from the power of the roaring lion, who sought to devour them ; nor did he spare any pains or labour in travel, though to remote counties, where he knew or imagined any people might stand in need of his assistance ; insomuch that some, by these visitations that he made, which was two or three every year (some, though in a jeering manner no doubt, gave him the epithet of Bishop Bunyan) whilst others envied him for his so earnestly labouring in Christ's vineyard ; yet the seed of the Word he (all this while) sowed in the hearts of his congregation, watered with the grace of God, brought forth in abundance, in bringing in disciples to the church of Christ. Another part of his time is spent in reconciling differences, by which he hindered many mischiefs, and saved some families from ruin, and in such fallings-out he was uneasy, till he found a means to labour a reconciliation, and become a peace-maker, on whom a blessing is promised in holy writ ; and indeed in doing this good office, he may be said to sum up his days, it being the last undertaking of his life, as will appear in the close of this paper. When in the late reign, liberty of conscience was unexpectedly given and indulged to dissenters of all 232 A GREAT CONGREGATION persuasions, his piercing wit penetrated the veil, and found that it was not for the dis- He moved with senters' sakes they were so suddenly caution and fear freed from the hard prosecutions that had long lain heavy upon them, and set in a manner, on an equal foot with the Church of England^ which the papists were undermining, and about to subvert : he foresaw all the advantages that could have re- dounded to the dissenters would have been no more than what Polyphemus^ the monstrous giant of Sicily^ would have allowed Ulysses^ viz. : That he would eat his men first, and do him the favour of being eaten last : for although Mr Bunyan^ following the examples of others, did lay hold of this liberty, as an acceptable thing in itself, knowing God is the only Lord of conscience, and that it is good at all times to do according to the dictates of a good conscience, and that the preaching the glad tidings of the Gospel is beautiful in the preacher ; yet in all this he moved with caution and a holy fear, earnestly praying for the averting impending judgments, which he saw, like a black tempest, hanging over our heads for our sins, and ready to break in upon us, and that the Ninevites^ remedy was now highly necessary: hereupon he gathered his congregation at Bedford^ where he mostly lived, and had lived and spent the greatest part of his life; and there being no convenient place to be had for the entertainment of so great a confluence of people as followed him upon ^Z3 GRACE ABOUNDING the account of his teaching, he consulted with them for the building of a meeting-house, to which they made their voluntary contributions with all cheerful- ness and alacrity; and the first time he appeared there to edify, the place was so thronged, that many was constrained to stay without, though the house was very spacious, every one striving to partake of his instructions, that were of his persuasion, and show their good-will towards him, by being present at the opening of the place ; and here he lived In much peace and quiet of mind, contenting himself with that little God had bestowed upon him, and sequestering himself from all secular employments, to follow that oF his call to the ministry ; for as God said to Mosesj He that made the lips and heart, can give eloquence and wisdom, without extraordinary acquirements in an university. During these things, there were regulators sent He opposed the ^^^^ ^^^ cities and towns corporate, to regulators new model the government in the magistracy, etc., by turning out some, and putting in others : against this Mr Bunyan expressed his zeal with some weariness, as foreseeing the bad conse- quence that would attend it, and laboured with his congregation to prevent their being imposed on in this kind ; and when a great man in those days, coming to Bedford upon some such errand, sent for him, as 'tis supposed, to give him a place of public trust, he would by no means come at him, but sent his excuse. A STAINLESS REPUTATION When he was at leisure from writing and teach- ing, he often came up to London^ and there went among the congregations of the non-conformists, and used his talent to the great good-liking of the hearers ; and even some to whom he had been mis-represented, upon the account of his educa- tion, were convinced of his worth and knowledge in sacred things, as perceiving him to be a man of sound judgment, delivering himself plainly and powerfully; insomuch that many, who came mere spectators for novelty sake rather than to edify and be improved, went away well satisfied with what they heard, and wondered, as the Jews did at the Apostles, viz. : Whence this man should have these things; perhaps not considering that God more immediately assists those that make it their business industriously and cheerfully to labour in His vineyard. Thus he spent his latter years in imitation of his great Lord and Master, the ever- ^ ., , . ,, ^ o ' Like his Master blessed Jesus ; he went about domg he went about good, so that the most prying critic, °^"^ ^°° or even Malice herself, is defied to find, even upon the narrowest search or observation, any sully or stain upon his reputation, with which he may be justly charged ; and this we note, as a challenge to those that have the least regard for him, or them of his persuasion, and have one way or other appeared in the front of those that oppressed him; GRACE ABOUNDING and for the turning whose hearts, in obedience to the commission and commandment given him of God, he frequently prayed, and sometimes sought a blessing for them, even with tears, the effects of which, they may, peradventure, though undeservedly, have found in their persons, friends, relations, or estates ; for God will hear the prayer of the faithful, and answer them, even for them that vex them, as it happened in the case of Job's praying for the three persons that had been grievous in their reproach against him, even in the day of his sorrow. But yet let me come a little nearer to particulars and periods of time, for the better refreshing the memories of those that knew his labour and suffer- ing, and for the satisfaction of all that shall read this book. After he was sensibly convicted of the wicked state of his life, and converted, he was baptized into the congregation, and admitted a member thereof, i;/z., in the year 1655, and became speedily a very zealous professor ; but upon the return of King Charles to the crown in 1660, he was the 12th of 'November taken, as he was edifying some good people that were got together to hear the word, and confined in Bedford jail for the space of six years, till the act of Indulgence to dissenters being allowed, he obtained his freedom, by the intercession of some in trust and power, that took pity on his 236 DISPUTING WITH SCHOLARS sufferings ; but within six years afterwards he was again taken up, viz.^ in the year 1666, and was then confined for six years more, when even the jailor took such pity of his rigorous sufferings, that he did as the Egyptian jailor did to Joseph^ put all the care and trust in his hand : When he was taken this last time, be was preaching on these words, viz. : Dost thou believe the Son of God f And this imprisonment continued six years, and when this was over, another short affliction, which was an imprisonment of half a year, fell to his share. During these confinements he wrote the following books, viz. : Of Prayer by the Spirit: The Holy Citfs Resurrection: Grace Abounding : Pilgrim's Progress^ the first part. In the last year of his twelve years' imprisonment, the pastor of the congregation at Bedford died, and he was chosen to pastor^orthe that care of souls, on the 12th of ^^egation^''" December 1671. And in this his charge, he often had disputes with scholars that came to oppose him, as supposing him an ignorant person, and though he argued plainly, and by Scripture, without phrases and logical expressions, yet he nonplussed one who came to oppose him in his congregation, by demanding, Whether or no we had the true copies of the original Scriptures ; and another, when he was preaching, accused him of un- charitableness, for saying, // was very hard for most to be saved ; saying, by that he went about to ^i7 GRACE ABOUNDING exclude most of his congregation ; but he confuted him, and put him to silence with the parable of the stony ground, and other texts out of the 13th chapter of St Matthew^ in our Saviour's sermon out of a ship ; all his methods being to keep close to the Scriptures, and what he found not warranted there, himself would not warrant nor determine, unless in such cases as were plain, wherein no doubts or scruples did arise. But not to make any further mention of this kind, it is well known that this person managed all his aiFairs with such exactness, as if he had made it his study, above all other things, not to give occasion of offence, but rather suffer many inconveniences, to avoid being never heard to reproach or revile any, what injury soever he received, but rather to rebuke those that did ; and as it was in his conversation, so it is manifested in those books he has caused to be published to the world ; where like the archangel disputing with Satan about the body of Moses, as we find it in the epistle of St Jiide, brings no railing accusation (but leaves the rebukers, those that persecuted him) to the Lord. In his family he kept up a very strict discipline in His home life prayer and exhortation ; being in this and example j^^g Joshua, as the good man ex- presses it, viz., Whatsoever others did, as for vie and my house, we will serve the Lord : and indeed a blessing waited on his labours and endeavours, so 238 DRAWING NEAR TO DEATH that his wife, as the Psalmist says, was like a pleasant vine upon the walls of his house^ and his children like olive branches round his table ; for so shall it be with the man that fears the Lord^ and though by reason of the many losses he sustained by imprisonment and spoil, of his chargeable sickness, etc., his earthly treasure swelled not to excess ; he always had sufficient to live decently and creditably, and with that he had the greatest of all treasures, which is content ; for as the wise man says. That is a continual feast. But where content dwells, even a poor cottage is a kingly palace, and this happiness he had all his life long ; not so much minding this world, as knowing he was here as a pilgrim and stranger, and had no tarrying city, but looked for one made with hands eternal in the highest heavens : but at length was worn out with sufferings, age, and often teaching, the day of his dissolution drew near, and death, that unlocks the prison of the soul, to enlarge it for a more glorious mansion, put a stop to his acting his part on the stage of mortality ; heaven, like earthly princes, when it threatens war, being always so kind as to call home its ambassadors before it be denounced, and even the last act or undertaking of his, was a labour of love and charity ; for it so falling out that a young gentleman, a neighbour of Mr Banyan's^ happening into the displeasure of his father, and being much troubled in mind upon that 239 GRACE ABOUNDING account, and also for that he heard his father purposed to disinherit him, or otherwise deprive him of what he had to leave ; he pitched upon Mr Bunyan as a fit man to make way for his submission, and prepare his father's mind to receive him ; and he, as willing to do any good office, as it could be requested, as readily undertook it ; and so riding to Reading in Berkshire^ he then there used such pressing arguments and reasons against anger and passion, as also for love and reconciliation, that the father was mollified, and his bowels yearned to his returning son. But Mr Bunyan^ after he had disposed all things to the best for accommodation, re- His last illness . ^ , i i • turning to London^ and being over- taken with excessive rains, coming to his lodgings extremely wet, fell sick of a violent fever, which he bore with much constancy and patience, and ex- pressed himself as if he desired nothing more than to be dissolved, and be with Christ, in that case esteeming death as gain, and life only a tedious delaying felicity expected; and finding his vital strength decay, having settled his mind and affairs, as well as the shortness of time, and the violence of his disease would permit, with a constant and christian patience, he resigned his soul into the hands of his most merciful Redeemer, following his pilgrim from the City of Destruction, to the New Jerusalem \ his better part having been all along 240 SAFELY "ACROSS THE RIVER" there, in holy contemplation, pantings and breathings after the hidden manna and water of life, as by many holy and humble consolations expressed in his letters to several persons in prison, and out of prison, too many to be inserted at present. He died at the house of one Mr Struddock^ a grocer, at the Star on Snow Hill^ in the parish of St Sepulchre's^ London^ on the 1 2th of August 1688, and in the sixtieth year of his age,^ after ten days' sickness ; and was buried in the new burying place near the Artillery Ground ; where he sleeps to the m.orning of the resurrection, in hopes of a glorious rising to an incorruptible immortality of joy and happiness ; where no more trouble and sorrow shall afflict him, but all tears be wiped away ; when the just shall be incorporated as members of Christ their head, and reign with Him as kings and priests for ever. A brief Character of Mr John Bunyan He appeared in countenance to be of a stern and rough temper, but in his conversation mild and affable ; not given to loquacity or much discourse in company, unless some urgent occasion required it ; observing never to boast of himself or his parts, but rather seem low in his own eyes, and submit himself 1 It is an established fact that John Bunyan died on Friday, August 31, 1688. He is recorded to have preached his last sermon on August 19. Q 241 GRACE ABOUNDING to the judgment of others, abhorring lying and swearing, being just in all that lay in his power to his vord, not seeming to revenge injuries, loving to reconcile diiFerences, and make friendship with all ; he had a sharp quick eye, accompanied with an excellent discerning of persons, being of good judg- ment and quick wit. As for his person, he was tall of stature, strong boned, though not corpulent, somewhat of a ruddy face, with sparkling eyes, wearing his hair on his upper lip, after the old British fashion ; his hair reddish, but in his latter days, time had sprinkled it with grey ; his nose well set, but not declining or bending, and his mouth moderate large ; his forehead somewhat high, and his habit always plain and modest. And thus have we impartially described the internal and external parts of a person, whose death hath been much regretted ; a person who had tried the smiles and frowns of time ; not puffed up in prosperity, nor shaken in adversity; always holding the golden mean. In him at once did three great worthies shine, Historian, poet, and a choice divine : Then let him rest in undisturbed dust. Until the resurrection of the just. 24a HUSBAND AND WIFE REUNITED POSTSCRIPT In this his pilgrimage, God blessed him with four children, one of which, named Mary^ was blind, and died some years before ; his other children were Thomas^ Joseph^ and Sarah ; his wife Elizabeth having lived to see him overcome his labour and sorrow, and pass from this life to receive the reward of his work, long survived him not ; but in 1692 she died, to follow her faithful pilgrim from this world to the other, whither he was gone before her ; whilst his works, which consist of sixty books, remain for the edifying of the reader, and praise of the author. Vale. FINIS 243 BIBLIOGRAPHY FIRST EDITION. Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners : or, a brief and faithful relation of the exceeding mercy of God in Christ to his poor servant, John Bunyan. Wherein is particularly shewed, the manner of his conversion, his sight and trouble for his sin, his dreadful temptations, also how he despaired of God's mercy, and how the Lord at length thorow Christ did deliver him from all the guilt and terrour that did lay upon him. Whereunto is added, A brief relation of his call to the work of the ministry, of his temptations therein, as also what he hath met with in prison. All which was written by his own hand there, and now published for the support of the weak and tempted people of God. Come and hear, all ye that fear God, and I will declare what he hath done for my soul. Psal. Ixvi. 1 6. 8vo, London. Printed by George Larkin, 1 666. This unique, and almost priceless little volume, was secured by the authorities of the British Museum in 1883. No other copy of the First Edition is known to exist. It is very clean and well preserved, except that it wants two leaves, pp. 45-48. Some little attempt was made by the printer at embellishment in a" fancy head- 245 BIBLIOGRAPHY piece on page i. A perfect copy would contain 272 numbered Sections, and * The Conclusion * . The printer, George Larkin (who was probably the publisher also) was in business at the * Two Swans,* Bishopgate Without. He was born in London, and was the son of Benjamin Larkin, Gentleman. His next transaction with Bunyan was in 1688 when he published two small books — the more important one being, Solomon^s Temple Spiritualized, SECOND EDITION. No copy of this edition has been discovered up to the present time. THIRD EDITION. Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners j or a brief and faithful relation of the exceeding mercy of God in Christ to his poor servant John Bunyan ; wherein is his sin, temptation, how he despaired of God's mercy, and how the Lord at length, through Christ, did deliver him. All written by his own hand ; and now published for the support of the weak. In Twelves. The Third Edition corrected and much enlarged. F. Smith, at the * Elepjiant and Castle * in Corn- hill (1679). The announcement (as above) of this edition is taken from * The Term Catalogue — Trinity Term* — 1679, recently published by Professor Arber, F.S.A., and is the only trace extant of the * Third Edition.* The fact of Bunyan entrusting this edition to another publisher is apparent. Francis Smith and Bunyan were old friends, and several business transactions had passed between them in previous years. This appears to have 246 BIBLIOGRAPHY been a renewal of such events. Smith was so often a prisoner for publishing what were supposed to have been seditious books, that business relationships had been suspended. The year 1 679 was notable for the expiration of the censorship of the Press, and this fact may account for Smith sending forth this edition of Grace Abounding, Francis Smith was the son of a farrier, and was born at Bradford, Yorks. He came as an apprentice to a London bookseller in 1 647. He was himself the author of several works. He died in the year 169 1. FOURTH EDITION. Up to the present time, this edition exists only in name. FIFTH EDITION. Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners: or a brief and faithful relation of the exceeding mercy of God in Christ to his poor servant John Bunyan. The fifth edition, i2mo, N. Ponder, 1680. This unique copy was included in the collection of the late W. G. Thorpe, Esq., F.S.A., of Nightingale Lane, Balham, and was sold by Messrs Sotheby, Wilkinson and Hodge in their Auction Rooms, on Saturday, April 23, I904. Another puWisher's name is attached to this edition, that of Nathaniel Ponder. He issued The Pilgrims Progress in 1 678, and in fact must be regarded as Bunyan*s most notable publisher. The Pilgrim^ Grace Abounding, and other of Bunyan*s works continued to be produced by him as long as he lived. Nathaniel Ponder was the son of John Ponder, a staunch Puritan and Mercer, of Rothwell, in the county 247 BIBLIOGRAPHY of Northampton, and was bound as an apprentice in Chancery Lane, London, in the year 1656. He subse- quently commenced business at the sign of * The Peacock,* Chancery Lane, and afterwards removed to * The Poultry/ It was from the latter address that The Filgrims Progress was issued. His last place of business was in London House Yard, and the latest known date of any of his publications is 1 696, when he issued the third edition of The Life and Death of Mr Badman. SIXTH EDITION. Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners: or, a brief and faithful relation of the exceeding mercy of God in Christ, to his poor servant John Bunyan, namely, in his taking of him out of the dunghill, and converting of him to the faith of his Blessed Son, Jesus Christ. Here is also par- ticularly shewed, what sight of, and what trouble he had for sin ; and also, what various tempta- tions he had met with, and how God hath carried him through them. Corrected, and much en- larged now by the Author, for the benefit of the tempted and dejected Christian. The Sixth Edition, Corrected. i2mo. London, Printed for Nath. Ponder, at The Peacock in The Poultry, over against the Stock Market, 1688. Copies of this edition are in the British Museum, the Congregational Library, Memorial Hall, Farringdon Street, and the Bunyan Library, Bedford. SEVENTH EDITION. The title-page of this edition is the same as the sixth, except the following : — The Seventh Edi- tion, corrected, with the Remainder of his life and Character 5 by a Friend since his death. 248 BIBLIOGRAPHY I2mo. London, Printed for Robert Ponder, and are to be sold by the Booksellers of London and Westminster, 1692. The get-up of this edition is decidedly inferior to that of the sixth and eighth. A copy is included in the Library of the British Museum. Robert Ponder appears to have been in business for not more than four or five years. No trace of him has been found after 1693. EIGHTH EDITION. Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners: in a faithful account of the Life and Death of John Bunyan, or, a brief relation of the exceeding mercy of God in Christ to him. The remaining portion of the title-page is the same as the sixth edition, except the following lines : Corrected and much enlarged by the Author for the benefit of the tempted and dejected Christian. The Eighth Edition with his character. i2mo. London, Printed for N. Ponder, and are to be sold by the Booksellers of London, and Westminster (? 1693). This impression contains a * Postscript' referring to the death of Mrs Bunyan, which occurred in the year 169 1, so that the issue in all probability took place early in 1693. There is an interesting entry in the Registers at Stationer's Hall regarding the publication of this eighth edition, namely: * 26 May 1 69 1. Nath. Ponder. Entred then for his booke or Coppy und'" the hand of Mr Ward" Mortlock Entituled Grace abounding to the Chiefe of Sinners Or a brief and faithful account of the Exceeding Mercy of God in Christ to his good Serv^ John Bunyan, and Corrected and Enlarged now 249 BIBLIOGRAPHY by the Author for the benefitt of the Tempted and dejected Christian. * Lycenced by Rob* Midgley, 12° June 1688. *Idem — With a brief Accot of the Life of Mr John Bunyan of Bedford To which is added his true Character and an Elegie made by a ffriend in Com- emoration of his death. Lycenced by Rob^ Midgley. Subscribed by Mr Ward" Mortlocke.' There is a melancholy interest attached to this inci- dent from the fact of the licensing of this eighth edition taking place on June 12, 1688. It was probably the last business transaction which occurred between author and publisher. In eleven weeks and three days, viz., on August 31, the immortal dreamer died. Whatever other alterations Bunyan found necessary to make in Grace Abounding^ they will certainly be found in this memorable edition. There are only two copies known to exist. One of these is in the British Museum, the other is in a private collection. It is a little surprising to learn that not a single copy of any of these early editions of Bunyan's third important book is possessed by either of the great libraries in America. W. P. X4 ^^ n^ . 1 ^^^*' ^.^^^^^ "-J^^** '^^\ \^&*° VS-^^^i. •1°<. ^°^ <> ^^. •'^^^^^ .♦^ '^^. *'' ►'^'i'. ^. ."^ .lifts:* ^ 4? 'r^' ^ ■^ r co.i«'. 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