The Actor and The Janitor HAHRY L. NEWTON'S One-Act Comedy Sketches, Monologues and Dramatic Episodes ACTOR AND THE JANITOR. THE A Comic Novelty Act CASEY THE INVENTOR A Vaudeville Comic CHATTER Monologue for Males COLLEGE CHUMS, THE A Comedy Incident DOWN IN PARADISE ALLEY Comedy Sketch FAMILY SECRET Monologue GIVE THE WOMEN A CHANCE A Suffragette Monologue IMMIGRANT INSPECTOR A Comedy Talkfei IN A CABARET A Comedy Crossfire INVITATION TO THE BALL Comedy Sketch IZZY'S VACATION A Summer Episode JACK AND HIS QUEEN, A A Comedietta KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL Comedy Sketch MEET MY WIFE A Comedy Drama MORNING AFTER THE NIGHT BEFORF, THE A Comedy Domestic Upheaval PAIR OF PANTS. A Talking Act ROSE OF MEXICO, A A Drama SALLIE AND SAMMIE A Comedy Skit SPIRIT OF CAPTAIN KIDD. THE Comedy TWO GIRLS AND HIM Comedy Sketch WHAT EVERY WOMAN THINKS SHE KNOWS Suffragette Monologue Price, 25 Cents Each \7> ¥ M. WITMARK & SONS Witmark Building, J 44- J 46 West 37th Street, New York FRANK DUMONT'S FAMOUS PLAYS "A TRAMP AMONG CRANKS," Or PERPETUAL MOTION. Sketch for 6 males. By Frank Dumont. A laughable experience in a sanitarium of "eccentric" inventors. Contains an excellent low comedy part. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. ''TWO WOMEN AND ONE MAN." Sketch for two females. By Frank Dumont. CAST OF CHARACTERS. Bella Sanders, i Estelle Williams, j ^^^^^^^ ^^^"^^ Two schoolmates meet, not having seen each other since leaving college. The talk over old times is very amusing. Naturally, they talk over the good and bad points of other mates, although neither believed in "running down" their neighbors. While in college they had agreed never to marry without consulting the other, but time changes matters and they both fall in love with the same man. Nothing could bring discord jo these two loyal friends — but — the man — makes a change, and, womanlike, they abuse each other with the tongue. It turns out that the man marries one of their despised mates, so nothing is left but to console each other by ridiculing the man's choice. Excellent sketch for two ladies. Can be done in white or black face. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. "LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD." A Modern Musical Burlesque. By Frank Dumont. Five Males — Two Females. There are many burlesques on "Little Red Riding Hood." Mr. Dumont, however, has really outdone all others on this occasion. Ours is an unusual production. We have incorporated all the musical numbers in the book of the play, including the dramatic or cue music. Any musical society can handle this version. Contains excellent speaking parts and abounds in good comedy lines and music. Price, 50 cents, postpaid. With complete piano score of original vocal and incidental numbers. We also rent manuscript arrangements for orchestra when desired. M. WITMARK & SONS 87 Witmark Bldg. New York POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. THE ACTOR AND THE JANITOR A COMIC NOVEVrv ACT By HARRY Iv. NEWTON Copyrisht MCMXIV by M. Witmark & Sons International copyright secured Published by M. WITMARK & SONS Witmark Building, New York CHICAGO LONDON 1%^ THE ACTOR AMD THE JANITOR Note. — The acting rights of this Sketch are ex- pressly reserved by the Publishers, to whom Theatrical Managers who zuish to produce it should apply. Amateur representation may be made zvithout siich application and without charge. THP96-0C7092 r ©CI.D 38029 SEP -2 1914 CHARACTERS. Andy Knitt — A \'andeville Actor. MusHMOUTH— Janitor in a 10c. Theatre. Scene — A 10c. Theatre during a performance. Characters. & Costumes. Knitt — Wears a white flannel suit and straw- hat. Mush MOUTH — Wears striped overalls and jumper. Note — While the part of Mushinouth is written for Blackface character, it can be played in any dialect at option of performer. DIAGRAM OF STAGE. O.R.C. CO. t>.i..c RUE' \£-.u.r ^3^7 \..,. „,./ v.... r7 r.c. c. LX, AUDIUNCE. L. I E. — Left first entrance. R. I E. — Right first entrance. E. U. E. — Left upper entrance. C. — Centre of stage. R. C. — Right centre of stage. L. C, — Left centre of stage. C. D.— Centre door. D. R. C. — Door right centre. D. L. C. — Door left centre. THE ACTOR AND THE JANITOR A Comedy Novelty Act By Harry L. Newton. [Knitt enters at rise, advances to Center and sings a verse of some lively song. As he goes into chorus, Mushmouth enters from front of theatic and walks down center aisle. He has a broom in his hands and busies himself picking up scraps of paper, etc., all the while singing some popular song. Knitt tries to go on with his song, but finally gives up in disgust.] Knitt— (To Mushmouth.) Say, what's the idea. I'm talking to you. M us H MOUTH — H ey ? Knitt — You're trying to crab my act. Mushmouth — Am I? Knitt — You certainly are. Now stop that and let me do my act. Mushmouth — Are you goin' to do a act? Knitt — I am. I am an actor. Wouldn't you like to be an actor? THE ACTOR AND THE JANITOR Mush MOUTH — Yes — wouldn't you ? Knitt— That'll do you. I want you to under- stand that T clean up in every theatre I play in. Mush MOUTH — Oh, you ain't got so much on me. 1 "clean up" this theatre every day. Knitt — Say, do you know what I think of you? Mush MOUTH — No. ' But if you think what T think you think, I dare you to say it. Knitt — I want to know why you hegan to clean up right in the middle of my act. MusHMOUTH — Say, boss, that's easy. I always do my cleanin' when a rotten act comes on. Knitt — Oh, I'm a rotten act, am I? MuSHMOUTH — Sure. You ain't no actor. Knitt — How do you make that out? Mush MOUTH — You ain't got no dog. Knitt — Well, I've got an alibi. I had a dog a few days ago. I had a bulldog, if you must know. I paid $2,000 for him. Mush MOUTH — How much ? Knitt — Three thousand dollars. Mush MOUTH — I guess I heard you the hrst time. Knitt — I had this bulldog just three days when T was offered $5,000 for him. Yesterday I sold him for $6,000. MusHMouTH — Gosh, but that's some bull! Knitt — Now that's quite enough from you. You take my gentle tip and permit me to go on with my act. Mush MOUTH — Have you-all got your act with you ? THE ACTOR AND THE JANITOR Knitt — I have, and it's a mighty good act, too. Mush MOUTH — Say, are you trying to kid me or show me a good time? Knitt — Furthermore, you black mutt, I am en- gaged for a Belasco production next season. (Mushmouth laughs heartily.) Well, what are you laughing at? Mushmouth — I was jes' wonderin' what Belasco will say when he finds it out. Knitt — Say, you're pretty funny yourself. What do you want to be a janitor for? Mushmouth — Gosh, I git paid for this — good money too. Knitt — (Laughs.) Good money? Mushmouth — Sure. It ain't so very much money, but it's good. Knitt — Well, I'll say this much. If I didn't have any more brains than you, I'd put a gun to my head. Mushmouth — And if I didn't have no more brains than you, Fd pull the trigger. Knitt — Well, let me tell you right back, it takes brains to be up here on the stage. Mushmouth — I took lessons for two years one year. Knitt — Oh, you did, eh? What were you studying? Mushmouth — I don't know, but my teacher told me that if I took lessons three years more the next year, Fd make a good piano mover. THE ACTOR AND THE JANITOR Knitt — T believe you. You don't know the first rudiments of music. Do you? No. I knew you didn't. In the first place, there is the scale. Do you know what a scale is? Mush MOUTH — Sure. A scale is a fish's steering gear. Knitt — Nonsense. Now a scale of music con- sists of eight notes. Do, ra, mi, fa, sol. la, se, do, See? Do on the bottom and do on the top. Mush MOUTH — Dough on the bottom and dough on the top ain't music. Knitt — Oh, is that so. Then what is it? Mush mouth — Pie. Knitt — Now just for that you come up here on the stage. You're too bright to be a janitor. Mushmouth — I'll come under one condition. I jes' got to sing. Knitt — You're on ; come on. Miishrnouth goes on stage and together they sing a song. Knitt (After song) — Are you still paying at- tention to that yellow gal I saw you with the other day? Mushmouth — No. I ain't paying attention to her anymore. Knitt — Why not? Mushmouth — 'Cause I married her. Knitt — And when did you marry her? Mushmouth — Sometime last evcnin'. Knitt — And do you love your wife? THE ACTOR AND THE JANITOR 8 MusHMOUTH — T don't know. I ain't been home since mornin'. Knitt — Did you know that I am to be married shortly ? MuSHMOUTH — No. Is you ? Knitt — 1 surely am. The young lady I am to marry has so much money she doesn't know how to spend it. Mush MOUTH— Oh, you'll show her all right. Knitt — See here. I'm not marrying this young woman for money. Mush MOUTH — Then what are you marrying her for — exercise ? Knitt — No, sir, Fm marrying her because I love her. And I'd love her if she didn't have a cent in the world or a stitch to her back. Mush MOUTH — Yes, I reckon you'd like her better. Knitt — Oh, there's no use talking to you. You take everything vice versa from the way I mean it. Mushmouth — Vice versa? Knitt — That's what I said, "vice versa." You don't even know the meaning of a simple term like that, do you? Mushmouth — Do you know what it means? Knitt — I certainly do. Mushmouth — Then what do you ask me fo'? Knitt— Oh, you're impossible. I'll tell you what "vice versa" means. When anyone says "vice versa," they mean just the opposite of what they have said. THE ACTOR AND THE JANITOR MusHMOUTH — Oh, just the opposite? Knitt — Exactly. Just the opposite. Mush MOUTH — That's why I lost my last job. Knitt — What do you mean? MusHMOUTH — The man I was working fo' kicked me so hard I couldn't eat my meals for a week. Knitt — Where did he kick you? In the stomach ? MusHMOUTH — No. In the vice versa. Knitt — That's enough. I can see that a life on the stage is not at all best suited to you. I think I have a job for you all right, all right. My brother John is going to open a butcher shop. MusHMOUTH — My brother Alexander opened a butcher shop once — twelve o'clock at night. Knitt — That was a queer time to. open a butcher shop. MusHMOUTH — Yes, dat's what de judge said. Knitt — Is he in business yet? A'lusH MOUTH — No. he's in jail yet. Knitt — Oh, well, we're all liable to make mis- takes. MusH MOUTH — My brother Alexander done took de steaks too. Knitt — Well, it's too bad. How much time was he given? Mush MOUTH — He w^asn't given any. The dern policeman was too quick fo' him. THE ACTOR AND THE JANITOR 10 Knitt — It will probably teach him a lesson. When he gets out he will probably start all over again. Mush MOUTH — Yes, dat's jes' what Alexander said. He says de next time he ''starts" anythin', he won't get caught. Knitt — \\'cll, that'll do a plenty about your brother Alexander. I haven't the least use for anyone with bad ways. MusHMOUTH — Well, my brother Alexander says de butcher had "bad weighs'' too ; he was always short in his ways. Knitt — No, no ; I meant to say that your brother had been weighed and found wanting. MusHMOUTH — Sure, I understand; jes' like when dat butcher weighed meat. Knitt — [Laughs.) Well, after all, you're not such a rummie as you look. I'm sure my brother w^ill like you and that his butcher shop will prove a good opening for you. MusHMOUTH — My brother Alexander thought jes' like that, too. Knitt — And as for work — pooh, that'll be a mere trifle! It will be so easy, in fact, that my brother will be ashamed to look at you when he hands you your money Saturday night. MusHMOUTH— Then maybe I'd better take money when your brother wasn't lookin' all de rest of de week. 11 THE ACTOR AND THE JANITOR Knitt— No, no ; you mustn't do that. As 1 said before, the work is nothing. For instance, you arise at two a. m. Mush MOUTH — And what time do 1 gets to bed? Knitt — Oh, about twelve, I believe. That will give you two hours of sleep. Just think of it. Two hours of sound, refreshing sleep. Mush MOUTH — Do yo' think your brother can spare me dat long? Knitt— Oh, yes. You see you are working in a butcher shop, and an hour or two can be easily cut. A little joke, eh? Now upon arising you re- pair immediately to the back yard and pick some chickens. MusHMouTH — Whose back yard? Knitt — Why, my brother's, of course. MusHMOUTH — Oh! Let me ask yo'. Is dem chickens, wild chickens? Knitt — No ; absolutely tame. Mush MOUTH — Then why sneak on them in de night time? Knitt — That'll do. Let me ask you something. Did you ever pick a chicken? Mush MOUTH — Lots of 'em. Knitt — Good. Then you know exactly how it's done. Mush MOUTH — Oh, absolutely. Knitt — Suppose you illustrate how you would pick a chicken. MusHMOUTH — {Straightens tie, hat, etc., then walks a few steps, stops, smiles and takes off hat THE ACT(3R AND THE JANITOR 12 and bows.) Ah, there, little one; which way am you-all goin' dis merry evenin' ? Knitt — {Angrily.) (3h, that's the positive limit. You're going up and addressing some lady on the street. ]\IusH MOUTH — Well, I thought dat was de kind of a chicken yo' meant. Knitt — No, no ; nothing like it. Now listen, ril be a lady coming into the butcher shop for some meat. You are back of the counter ready to wait on customers. I'm going to see if you have any conception of what to do about a butcher shop. Now I'm Mrs. Jones, a good customer. (Walks away a few steps, then returns, imitating the mincing steps of a woman.) Ah, good morning, butcher. Fine morning, isn't it? How are your kidneys this morning? MusHMOUTH — How are my kidneys? Knitt — Certainly, your kidneys. How are your kidneys ? MusHMOUTH — Fine. How are yours? Knitt — {Angrily.) Oh, it's no use; positively no use. I want to tell you here and now that your family has my sincere sympathy. And I feel especially sorry for your poor mother. How many children did your mother have? Mush MOUTH— Five. Knitt — Five altogether, eh? MusHMOUTH — No. One at a time. CURTAIN. PLAYS— SKETCHES AND MONOLOGUES 'THE HABITAT'S REVENGE." A Play in One Act. For 2 Males. By Gordon Rogers. A Canadian-French trapper, while recalling how he and his daughter were wronged by a stranger to whom he showed hospitality, twenty years ago, that very night, and plotting revenge, is suddenly visited by apparently the same man, whom he recognizes, but who does not recognize him. Taking the visitor at a disadvantage, the trapper, before wreaking vengeance upon him, discloses his identity, and recites his wrongs to him, recalling how he was robbed of his only daughter, twenty years before, by the handsome stranger. While the trapper is seeking his child his aged father dies at home, and the daughter afterwards returns to her father's cabin only to die on its threshold. For all this, vows the trapper, the other must die, but just as the much-wronged man is about to put his threat into execution, the younger, realizing that he is the son of the wrongdoer, declares himself just in time to save his life. A powerful dramatic story, most effectively told, and affording opportunities for the portrayal of a strong character study and of an attractive juvenile part. Price, 25 cents, postpaid "THE REHEARSAL." A Novel Social Entertainment. For 7 Females. By Effie W. Merriam. In this most amusing playlet the participants mingle with the audience, thus making the entertainment ap- pear to be entirely extemporaneous. Neither stage, scenery nor special costumes are needed to make it effective; in fact "The Rehearsal" may be acceptably given either in the parlor or on the porch or lawn, and is so arranged that very little memorizing is neces- sary — a great point in its favor, especially when but little time can be given to preparation. Price, 25 cents, postpaid M. WITMARK & SONS 87 Witmark Bldg. New York POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED, DRAMATIC SKETCHES. ''THE LAST OF THE CARGILLS." A Dramatic Scene for 1 Male and 1 Female. A beautiful story, full of sentiment and refined humor of the Southland. An excellent opportunity for a wo- man who can portray the old time southern ''mammy," and for a man who can depict the old southern lover. A character full of dignity and pathos. The scene shows the dining-room in an old southern mansion on Christmas day. Outside the snow is falling, inside all is bright and cheerful. George Cargill has the Christmas dinner table laid with covers for all his lost loves, and his best friend; although he alone sits at the board. In a reminiscent mood he recalls all the qualities, good and bad, of his one time sweethearts and of his best friend, and speaks as though they were present. Finally when "Old Mammy" brings in the turkey she finds that "the last of the Cargills," has gone to join those he loved, in the great beyond. Price, 25 cents, postpaid "JOHN CLAYTON, ACTOR!" A Play in One Act for 2 Males and 1 Female. This little play might well be called " a modern Gar- rick," and closely follows the general theme of Gar- rick, although it is entirely different. Louise Warren has worshipped at the shrine of John Clayton, a successful actor, and has attended all of his performances, to the consternation and dismay of her relatives and friends. Finally her father. Colonel Warren, a typical southern gentleman of the old school, calls on Clayton to per- suade him to leave the country or in some way to break off the infatuation of his daughter. Louise learns of this visit of her father and also calls at Clayton's rooms to warn him as she fears her father may do him some harm. Clayton promises to disillusion Louise and assumes the disguise of Clayton's servant, and after hiding Colonel Warren, admits Louise to whom he paints Clayton as the most lewd villain. Finally Colonel Warren appreciates the sterling qual- ities of Clapton, and the sacrifice he is making, enters the room and tells Louise, Clayton is only acting, and is in reality all she had imagined him to be — her ideal. He consents to their union, and all ends felicitously. Price, 25 cents, postpaid M. WITMARK & SONS 87 Witmark Bldg. New York POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. COMIC TRAVESTIES "DOCTOR LOW-RENTS (LORENTZ) SURGERY/* THE CO-RE-IN TWINS. Farce by Frank Dumont 4 Male Characters. An exceedingly funny act. Can be played in white or black face. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. "THE MANHATTAN CLUB." A Comedy Sketch Adapted to a Male Quartette, Intro- ducing the Song, "Bill of Fare." By J. Bodewalt Lampe. A refined sketch for male characters. Clean, bright and novel. Just the thing for a singing comedy four. Humorous dialog in which two selected songs can be introduced in addition to the song, ''Bill of Fare," which accompanies the sketch. Price, 50 cents, postpaid. "THE STAGE-STRUCK BOARDING HOUSE." Burlesque in One Scene. By Frank Dumont. 4 Males — 2 Females. A depiction of a stage-struck boarding house with the consequential amusing outcome of such a state of affairs. The experience of Mr. Somerset, who has been invited to come down for a visit, with the assurance that he'll have a pleasant time, is very interesting. — George gets more than he expected. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. "GIVE AND TAKE." "Hat" Dialog for Two Comedians. By Frank Dumont. The second series of "Get-Backs." Quick, snappy work for two funny men; an up-to-date, novel and interesting act for the olio or second part of a minstrel entertainment. Can also be used in any other per- formance. Sure to please. A laugh in every speech. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. ''AUTOMOBILE CRAZY." ! Burlesque in One Scene. By Frank Dumont. 7 Males — 1 Female. A successful, up-to-date burlesque, which calls for vigorous action all around. It is always received with tumultuous applause. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. M. WITMARK & SONS 87 Witmark Bldg. New York POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. FRANK DUMONT'S FAMOUS PLAYS "The DIALECT COMEDIAN." By Frank Dumont. This is a work that has been much called for. Bits of every dialect are presented, giving stories, jokes and gags as they should be told. The little book will assist you greatly. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. "THE ST. LOUIS FAIR HOTEL." Sketch by Frank Dumont. Four Male Characters. Fun galore in this sketch. It shows an avaricious hotel keeper in operation assisted by his "faithful" man- of-all-work. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. "McWADE'S PLATOON." Burlesque Dialect Police Drill. FINALE FOR FIRST PART. By Frank Dumont. Several nationalities are presented in this drill, giving splendid opportunities for good comedy work. Songs and marches are introduced, making an excellent finale or number for the olio. Something new. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. "WHEN WOMEN RULE US." Burlesque and Court House Scene. By Frank Dumont, Twenty Characters. This satire is arranged specially for ladies wherein all the characters are assumed by them; the two hus- bands being represented by the ladies also. This burlesque may be used by gentlemen who, at- tired in grotesque imitation of female wardrobe and fads, can create any amount of laughter by imitating the gentle sex in mannerisms. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. "MY NEW TYPEWRITER." Sketch by Frank Dumont. CAST OF CHARACTERS. Fine A. Silk, a busy agent Mrs. Silk, his wife, assuming disguises of tough girl, old maid and a gushing girly-girly typewriter A "screaming" sketch for one male and one female. Most excellent for a clever woman who can do char- acter parts. In this sketch the female character is obliged to assume three distinct roles, all of which lead up to complications that are ludicrously funny. Plenty of work for the male character — always busy. "My New Typewriter" is a satire on a popular topic. The theme is carefully worked out. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. M. WITMARK & SONS 87 Witmark Bldg. New York POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. THE VERY Li library of congress ^LAYS, MONOLOGUES, 5 BY HARRY L, N 00159100546 "A Rose of Mexico" A Comedy-Dramatic Playlet of Mexican Life. An Original Dramatic Playlet for one Male and one Female, the scene of which is laid in Mexico The story is of Carmita, a Mexican girl, recently returned from school in the United States, and Pedro, a Mexican youth who has turned bandit in her ab- sence to secure money enough to ask her to marry him, **A Pair of Pants" A Rapid-Fire Talking Act. This act for straight man and comedian vyho wants his three dollars, while the other wants his pants, runs riot with fun, gags, absurdities and snap- py lines. Plenty of opportunity for good acting. *'A Jack and His Queen" Comedietta in one act for two Males and one Female. Jack Windsor, a young bachelor, returned from an eight years' tour of the world, he decides to settle down by marrying his fiancee. Flora Mason. Flora pays a surreptitious visit to Jack's apartments. "Tot- tie Twinklctoes," a dancer, is to call. Jack discovers Flora in his rooms and mistakes her for Totlie. Flora keeps up the deception and some very smart dialogue ensues. "An Invitation to the BalU' A Comedy Sketch for one Male and one Female. Plenty of work .nnd good comedy for Mose John- son, a colored servant, and Birdie Birdscll. the daugh- ter of his master, who has made up her mind to at- tend a masque ball with Mose in attendance. "Chatter" A Monologue for Males. This is a brisk and breezy up-to-date monologue for h'ght or low comedians. It is a whirlwind of com- ical lines which reach the apex of wit. Used with great success by professional entertainers. "Down in Paradise Alley" An East Side Episode for one Male and one Female. Tells a delightful story of a young college gradu- ate who has fallen in love with Jerry O'Connellra lit- tle East Side street singer, living in Paradise Alie>', New York. A charming little playlet in which com- edy and pathos are beautifully blended. The special- ties introduced throughout the playlet are at the op- lion of the performers. "Family Secrets" A Monologue for Rube Girl. This Rube Girl hands you a laugh every two sec- onds on a subject which appeals to all, viz., her de- scription of her home and "folks" Up-State. 'Izzy's Vacation' A summer episode in two scenes. This IS a splendid comedy for Hebrew comedians and lady who can play pert young miss. Izzy Goldberg is on a vacation in the country and running across Grace Howe, a breezy person who, in the spirit oi mischief, accuses Izzy of having followed her "Keep Your Eye ooHhe Ball" A Comedy Sketch for one Male and one Female. For a clever Irish comedian and leading woman Madame Blavatsky, fortune teller, has money disguises himself as Madame Blavatsky. The con.plications that follow must be read to be appre- ciated. "Meet My Wife" A Comedy Sketch for two Miles and one Female. George Chamberlain, a hen-pecked husband, may not drink, smoke or have an opinion of his own with- out his wife's permission. With the arrival ot a friend, Percy Hamilton, he enters into a plot to cir- cumvent his wife and eventually becomes piaster in his own house. *The Spirit of Captain Kidd" A \'audeville Playlet in two scenes. Dealing with the absurd adventures of Timothy McSorley, an Irish laborer, and Hi Grass, a regular rube, who, on learning of treasure buried by the no- torious pirate. Captain Kidd, set out to find it. This excruciatingly funny playlet is in two scenes. It is one long scream from start to finish. "Two Girls and Him" A Comedy classic in one scene for two Females and one Male. TTierc is a vein of exquisite sentiment running through this little playlet. Florence and Birdie Feathertop find themselves stranded. Timothy McDuff hears of their sad plight and bpcnds his earnings to pay their way to the city "What Every Woman Thinks She Snows' A Suffragette Monologue. This monologue on the suffragette question is a scream from beginning to end. More ludicrous "pat- ter" could not well be imagined. There is a dash of brilliant wit and humor that cannot fail to please. ANY OF THE ABOVE 25 CENTS EACH M. WITMARK & SONS 86 WITMARK BUILDING New York