Class 
 
 Book — 0_UMt 
 Copyright^ 
 
 COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 
 

 THE LIBRARY OF 
 CONGRESS, 
 
 Two Copies Received 
 
 1903 
 
 Entry 
 
 &lass Ol XXc. No 
 
 I I I. Ip H- 
 
 COPY B. 
 
 SEP 21 
 
 J Copyright 
 
 Copyright, 1903 
 £y Paul Elder 
 
 W 
 
 The T^moye, Pi ess 
 S#n ' Francisco' 
 
Good Resolutions. 
 
 John woke early on Jan. firft and felt queer; 
 Said, " Peaches I'll swear off this year ! " 
 
 For the lobster was fine, 
 
 And the rabbit and wine, 
 And it certainly wasn't the beer!" 
 
 January 
 
 Janvier 
 
Beware of Rash Judgments. 
 
 A dame at the beaches of Florida, 
 All the ladies said couldn't be horrider; 
 
 But she proved them all wrong, 
 
 And she said, " Go along ! " 
 While the climate grew torrid and torrider. 
 
 © 
 
 January 
 Janvier 8 
 
 3anuar 10 
 
 ... 11 
 
 Enero 12 
 
 -3»V.?."* 1 
 
 Gennaio 1 
 
 'lavovdpiog 1 
 
Flattery. 
 
 Said the lady, " With you Til not go, 
 You're reported to be far from slow.". 
 
 Said he, turning red, 
 
 With a smile quite o'erspread — 
 "O Madame, don't flatter me so!" 
 
 January 
 Janvier 16 
 
 %JL ' 7 
 
 3cmuar 18 
 
 &&\ (vah, 19 
 
 Enero 20 
 
 -CS»V.?.~* 21 
 
 Gennaio 22 
 
 'Iarowdptoj 23 
 
Lavishness. 
 
 There was a young lady named Julie, 
 Who was terribly fond of patchouli; 
 She used bottles seven, 
 'Til she smelt up to heaven, 
 Which made all the angels unruly. 
 
 @ 
 
 January 
 Janvier 24 
 
 3anuar 26 
 
 27 
 
 21 
 
 -* 2< 
 
 ijennaio 3< 
 
 'lavovapiog 3 
 
 ! 
 
The Wicked Pun&er. 
 
 Said a sporty young person named Groat, 
 Who owned an old race-horse of note, 
 
 " I consider it smart 
 
 To lunch a la cart, 
 But the horse always takes table d'oat." 
 
There was a young man who said, "There, 
 I will sneak out during this prayer!" 
 
 But the squeak of his shoes 
 
 So enlivened the pews, 
 That he sat down again in despair. 
 
Speak Kindly, 
 
 She's so homely you'd think she would smother, 
 And her back view is ju£ like her brother. 
 
 Her eyes are both bent, 
 
 And her nose is a dent; 
 But then, " she's so good to her mother! " 
 
Feb. 
 
 
 Good Manners. 
 
 There was a young person of Tottenhem, 
 Whose manners, Good Lord! she'd forgotten 
 'em. 
 
 When she went to the vicar's, 
 
 She took off her knickers, 
 Because she said she was hot in 'em. 
 
Appearances are Deceitful. 
 
 There was a young lady of Skye, 
 With a shape like a capital I ; 
 
 She said, " It's too bad ! 
 
 But then I can pad," — 
 Which shows you that figures can lie. 
 
Sculpture. 
 
 There was an old sculptor named Phidias, 
 Whose knowledge of Art was invidious. 
 
 He carved Aphrodite 
 
 Without any nightie — 
 B Which startled the purely fastidious. 
 
 if* ** 
 
 March 
 
 15 
 
 16 
 
 17 
 
 18 
 
 Marzo 19 
 
 -7J/VO? 20 
 
 Motfriog 21 
 
 ®L 
 
March 
 
 Intemperance. 
 
 There once was a baker named Dunn, 
 Who always was out for the fun, 
 
 And although it was said 
 
 He was very well bred, 
 He spent all his dough on a "bun"! 
 
 © 
 
 March 
 
 Mars 22 
 
 HL 23 
 
 ITCar3 • • -24 
 
 ^ . 25 
 
 Marzo 26 
 
 -7jfA? 27 
 
 Mdpnog 28 frf 1 
 
The Careful Buyer, 
 
 There was an old man of Madrid, 
 Who went to an aucftion to bid ; 
 
 He bought, if you please, 
 
 A case of old cheese — 
 But oh, Gosh! when they lifted the lid! 
 
 A fMrvpi-e. mitr One 
 
 I ur? 
 
A Quiet Life. 
 
 An Abbess whom all did admire, 
 To holiness much did aspire. 
 When asked to a ball, 
 She replied, "Not at all; 
 I've another engagement that's Prior/ 
 
 @ 
 
 April 
 
Gentl 
 
 entleness. 
 
 There was a fair maiden of Siam, 
 Who said to her lover, " O Priam, 
 You may kiss me, of course, 
 But you've got to use force — 
 And, God knows, you are Stronger than 
 
 lam!' 
 
Exasperation. 
 
 There was an old person named Sam, 
 Who was wearied of Omar Khayyam. 
 Fitzgerald, you know, 
 Is the whole of the show ; 
 But this cult and this music, " Oh, d — ! " 
 
 © 
 
 April 
 
 Avril 16 
 
 ftc9 17 
 
 Hpril 18 
 
 @ @ 19 
 
 Abril 20 
 
 >i. ....... .21 
 
 Aprile 22 
 
 'A7ipt/Uog 23 
 
The Kind Beadle. 
 
 There was an old lady of Threedle, 
 Who sat down in church on a needle; 
 
 Tho' deeply embedded, 
 
 'Twas luckily threaded, 
 And quickly pulled out by the beadle 
 
Make the BeSt of Adverse 
 Circumstances. 
 
 There was a young person named Clyde, 
 Who was once at a funeral espied. 
 
 When asked who was dead, 
 
 He smilingly said: 
 " I don't know — I \u$t came for the ride. 1 
 
There once was a fellow moft kind, 
 Who, when loving, went at it quite blind. 
 
 He said, "That's all right, 
 
 But she's so out of sight 
 That I can't keep her out of my mind!" 
 
 @ 
 
 May 
 
Always Save for a Rainy Day. 
 
 There was a young lady named Jane, 
 Who went out to walk in the rain; 
 
 Her skirts were so lacey 
 
 It really was racey, 
 And drove all the chappies insane. 
 
May 
 
 Be Careful. 
 
 There was a young man from the Cape, 
 Who always wore trousers of crepe. 
 When asked, "Do they tear?" 
 He replied, "Here and there — 
 But they keep such a wonderful shape." 
 
Seize Opportunities. 
 
 There was an old lady of Lee, 
 Who invited the curate to tea. 
 He said, "You quite shine 
 In the housewifely line." 
 "Oh, this is so sudden!" said she. 
 
Seek After Knowledge. 
 
 A man with the brain of a linnet 
 Asked forty-two questions a minute. 
 
 When they said, "Mind your biz!" 
 
 He said, " Envy it is, 
 'Cause you know ju£t how ftridly I'm in it. 1 
 
 © 
 

Resped for Age. 
 
 There was an old beau of Formosa, 
 Who ne'er was content with a "No, sah!' 
 
 The strength of his arm 
 
 Oft excited alarm, 
 And his mottc was " closah and closah." 
 
A lady once had a bad habit: 
 
 She couldn't see cheese but she'd nab it 
 
 She said, " Memory fails — 
 
 Is the rabbit from Wales ? 
 Or do the wails come from the rabbit?' 
 
 i 
 
Art. 
 
 There was a fair dame whose manoeuvre 
 Was to get her portrait in the Louvre ; 
 
 But they sent it away 
 
 The very fir£ day — 
 And it's now in a dive in Vancouvre. 
 
 
 U 
 
 1 
 
July 
 
 Comparisons are Odious. 
 
 A talented artist (Eld Lanseer), 
 Said, "Beau Brummel, I won't paint these 
 pants here; 
 
 I assure you, I can't see 
 
 That they are so fancy — 
 Why, lafl week I saw a dog-fancier." 
 
Inspiration. 
 
 An old person who lived by his pen, 
 Cried, "Goody! I've got 'em again! 
 
 A poem I'll write, 
 
 'Bout the dawning of night, 
 That will easily collar a ten!" 
 
Aug. 
 
 Popularity. 
 
 A musician there was — Paderewski — 
 Who never would drink nor would chewski ; 
 
 As a Matinee blade, 
 
 He made Hackett afraid, 
 And quite broke the heart of John Drewski. 
 
Truth. 
 
 There was a young lady named Maude, 
 Who said she was "awfully boahed," 
 
 For all men she hated, 
 
 Both single and mated — 
 But in the dark comers — Good Lawd ! 
 
A Good Girl. 
 
 Eliza she never was nifty, 
 
 She was kindly and gentle and thrifty; 
 She gave poor people pies, 
 And she never made eyes — 
 
 But then — she was seven and fifty! 
 
 @ 
 
 Auguft 
 Aout .... 16 
 
 ^ i 
 
 pft i 
 
 i M*y . • ■ 1 
 
 osto 2 
 
 •• * rf 2 
 
 3&0 2 
 
 /ovorog 1 
 
 \ 
 
Do Not be Persistent. 
 
 There once was a promising hound, 
 The fleetest that ever was found; 
 But his friends all declare, 
 That when chasing the hare, 
 He was running things into the ground* 
 
 © 
 
 August 
 Aout 24 
 
 $'^ 25 
 
 Huguft 26 
 
 (§>@ 27 
 
 Agosto 28 
 
 -? r %• * 29 
 
 Agoilo . 30 
 
 Avyovarog 31 
 
 X 
 
Self-Sufficiency. 
 
 There was a young damsel named Nell, 
 Who considered herself quite a belle. 
 
 She sat on the sand, 
 
 And held her own hand, 
 And never got on to the swell. 
 

The Young Nimrod. 
 
 Young Henry went out for to shoot, 
 With a gun and a high rubber boot; 
 
 He shot an old goat, 
 
 A guide and a shoat — 
 But he's beft when he's shooting the chute. 
 
 » 
 
MEMORANDA 
 
Foresight. 
 
 There was an old man of Tarrentum, 
 Who sat on his false teeth and bent 'um 
 
 When asked what he'd lo£, 
 
 And what they had coft, 
 He replied, " I don't know, I juft rent 'urn.' 
 

At a Cursory Glance. 
 
 A curate once smote at a tee, 
 And threw his new club up a tree, 
 
 Saying, "Fie!! My!! Oh, dear!!! 
 
 I mu£ give up, I fear, 
 Either golf or the miniflree ! " 
 
K8y 
 
 High Ideals. 
 
 There was a young man who said, " Oh, 
 Why, lucre's so filthy and low ! " 
 
 But his friends said, " Oh, shoo ! 
 
 That's too good to be true — 
 You can bet that he's after the dough ! " 
 
 © 
 October 
 Octobre ........ 16 
 
 H+ 17 
 
 ©ftober 18 
 
 Octubre 20 
 
 ifj~& 21 
 
 Ottobre • • 
 
 ! 
 
Compensation. 
 
 There was a fair girl named Elaine, 
 Who, one March day, went out 
 dressed en train; 
 The wind tried to be rude, 
 But her costume was glued — X 
 *Tis better sometimes to be vain. 
 
 d-- 
 
 / 
 
 Oaober 
 
 Octobre 24 
 
 M+ 25 
 
 (Dltober 26 
 
 Octubre 28 
 
 -?:/%*.*' 29 
 
 Ottobre 30 
 
 'OvTcfyitfpiog 31 
 
 
 /! /4 
 
 X&7z*-> 
 
Don't Be a Rounder. 
 
 There was a fair maid named O'Neil, 
 Who went up in the great Ferris Wheel; 
 On the thirty-fourth round 
 She looked down at the ground — 
 And it co£ her an 80-cent meal. 
 
 November 
 Novembre 8 
 
 *-t 9 
 
 ttooemfcer 10 
 
 11 
 
 Noviembre 12 
 
 ->Vk ~>s.& 13 
 
 Novembre 14 
 
As they punched his nose flat, 
 And shot all the checks off his veil. 
 
erseverance. 
 
 There was an old person named Tate, 
 Who out fishing went early and late. 
 
 When the fish gave a tug, 
 
 Then he pulled on the jug, 
 And the thing that he caught was a skate. 
 
Know Your True Worth, 
 
 Said a Rooster, "I'd have you all know 
 I am nearly the whole of the show; 
 
 Why, the Sun every morn 
 
 Gets up with the dawn 
 For the purpose of hearing me crow!" 
 
A Good Reason 
 
 There was a young man of Fort Blainey, 
 Who proposed to a typist named Janey; 
 
 When his friends cried, " Oh, dear ! 
 
 She's so old and so queer!" 
 He replied, " But the day was so rainy ! " 
 
Reckl 
 
 essness. 
 
 •J ! 
 
 Sir Guy was an amorous knight, 
 Who coftumed himself in a tight. 
 
 It was taking a chance 
 
 To go without pants, 
 In case the mosquitoes should bite. 
 
 December 
 Decembre 22 \ 
 
 Az + 23 
 
 Dc3cmber -24 
 
 25 
 Diciembre 26 
 
 ■?^ii: 27 
 
 Dicembre 28 
 
 S-4/T. 
 
Thrift. 
 
 There was a good dame of Cape Horn, 
 Whose clothing was tattered and torn. 
 She remarked, debonnaire, 
 As she pinned up her hair : 
 " Three bargains I purchased this morn/* 
 
 \ 
 
 December 
 Decembre . 29 
 
 $2> + 30 
 
 Dc3ember 31 
 
Fi fW5. 
 
1903