V <■ ^ ^ V s^ ^^' . <5, ^ %.*^ o,^' C,^'' .^^ .\^' ^.^^ .^^ ,<^o^ ,<^ °^ r °^ s^ ^G^ •.^^ .f ^. r.^-o.<. # v.. <^"'-^^ C^"' -0 <>'■ =r # '^ "^ wis ^ c^ ^ ■; ^K " «^ ^ ^ ^ ^^' ^ ^^aK'^i^'a,''^ '^ .-^^ .^.(\ ^^^.^ '^v. A. ?> Digitized by tine Internet Arciiive in 2011 witii funding from Tine Library of Congress littp://www.arcliive.org/details/loveliatefriendsliOObegt Jf LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP BY JULIUS BEGTRUP PTTBLISHED BY JULIUS BEGTRUP 187 Halsey Street, Brooklyn, N. Y. ^F6 3' COPTHIGHT, 1922, BY JULIUS BEGTRUP Press of J. J. Little & Ives Company New York, U. S. A. DEC 15 '22 ©C1A692413 ^7/ PREFACE The coordination of all emotions in a synthetic system may appear as the climax of psychological knowledge; but as yet no evidence of such a system has appeared, and its eventual realization may be doubted, for the difficulties it presents seem insuper- able. In any event it will appear as a primary and essential requirement an intimate knowledge of the character and nature of each emotion by itself. It would first be necessary to obtain a clear definition of each emotion, and this would require its separa- tion from more or less correlative combinations with other emotions. It must also be recognized that each emotion may appear — and generally does ap- pear — in a weak or diluted state, in which its true character becomes indistinct, and it is therefore evident that it must be studied in the exalted and isolated state in which its true character is most clearly exposed. It should also be recognized that, in accordance with fundamental scientific maxims, all exact knowl- edge must be based on observed facts, and not merely on intuitive conceptions or intellectual in- terpretations of personal experiences. While these remarks may be regarded as common- place, they may be accepted as a fitting introduction ill iv PREFACE to my attempt at a solution of some of the most in- teresting psychological problems. I also think it advisable to call the critical reader's attention to certain means of correcting or affirming psychological propositions and doctrines, which maj'' be found in the words and expressions used in com- mon language. This is a pertinent proposition, de- serving special attention, for each language is a fin- ished product of humanity, and no word which does not agree with the unconscious psychology of the masses can retain its place in the language. No equivocal term is used in common language, and each term has its own comprehensive meaning, which includes only closely related conceptions, and it can- not be extended beyond this limit without the ad- dition of qualifying or modifying terms or suffixes. But the main difficulty in a psychological interpre- tation lies in a greatly abbreviated form and un- certain etymology. It should also be noted that emotions are rooted in the inner and subconscious life, and as human lan- guage is primarily created as a means for furthering conscious activity, and as introspection is a compara- tively recent development, a satisfactory interpre- tation of the emotional and subconscious mind can- not be expected in the absence of suitable or ade- quate linguistic symbols and expressions. The psychology of emotions can hardly be re- garded as amenable to a philosophical treatment, while many of its fundamental truths may be veri- fied in folk-lore. PREFACE y The proper sphere of normal psychology is lim- ited to an investigation of the human soul, or the supersensual part of human nature, and a basic re- quirement of such investigation is a comprehensive interpretation of the various modes and manners by which the human soul has found expression for its spiritual, or supersensual, nature — both in the evo- lution of historical events and in personal experi- ences. But if a comprehensive "science" of psy- chology must include fundamental principles beside simple psychological facts it may be said that it has not appeared yet, and to say that it is still in its infancy cannot be true of a science which is not born yet ; and as we have no promise of its realization, it must remain an open question whether psychology is amenable to systematic or scientific treatment. Abnormal psychology may, in some cases, offer an initiation to the study of normal psychology, but the two branches should be kept strictly apart, for the normal predicates that part of human nature which has become the ruling one in human society and agrees with its morality but excludes what is inimical or unsuitable to it; and may, therefore, be considered as containing the most prominent char- acteristics of humanity. Sympathy is characteristic of the sympathetic emotions, and it distinguishes them from the lower or selfish emotions. This is an important propo- sition, which apparently has escaped the notice of psychologists. But it is only by recognizing its func- tion in love that this emotion can be fully under- vi PREFACE stood and related to other sympathetic emotions. A discreet and careful examination of the emo- tion of love has not been made from the time of Plato to the beginning of the present century, and the Socratic discussion of it in the Dialogues is both inadequate and deceptive. However, it is not with- out psychological interest in view of the fact that true love was but little understood in Antiquity and that in later ages it was but very imperfectly under- stood, and that no conception of true love has ap- peared in the evolution of Christian ethics. That there is no reason in love — or in any other emotion — is a simple truism, and this lack of reason makes it unsuited for a philosophical analysis or ethical valuation, though it may be regarded as one of the most interesting themes in psychology. All morality is founded on the human emotions, and in the course of social progress they have become subservient to morality. But an emotion cannot as- sume a moral character, and even the sympathetic emotions cannot be moralized. From the viewpoint of advanced psychology the elemental emotions or passions are fundamental and immutable, though they may be curbed and modified, while religion and morality are but intermediate means to an end unknown. Two excellent works on Sexual Love and the erotic emotion have appeared in the present century, but they do not entirely agree with my conception of it, and to do justice to the authors my critique would require a space quite out of proportion to the rest PREFACE vii of my articles. I shall therefore confine my polemic remarks to a short critique of the Socratic discus- sion of Love in Plato's Symposium.* Dr. Sigmund Freud has made a thorough investigation of the sex- ual instinct, but in his works there are but very few references to Love, and they do not offer any help to an investigator of that emotion. It is of course of vital concern to any author that his work shall be appreciated by intelligent and cul- tured persons, and I hope that my venture on the field of psychology will be found worthy of serious consideration. But I also think that discriminat- ing and progressive educators may find some valu- able suggestions in this little book. I do not lay special claim to new ideas and originality, but I shall be pleased and feel a great satisfaction when my work is characterized by some philosopher as "con- structive" and it will not displease me if I be dubbed a Realist. J. B. Brooklyn, N. Y. March, 1922. ♦The works referred to here are: "Love and Marriage" by Ellen Key and "Eros" by Emil Lueka. CONTENTS PAOBS Preface iii-vii The Nature and True Character of Love 1-70 Hate and Hatred 71-90 Friendship and Friendliness . ., . 91-99 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP THE NATURE AND TRUE CHARACTER OF LOVE SEEN FROM A PRAGMATIC VIEWPOINT Love in Common Language. The origint^l con- ception of love was undoubtedly confined to human beings in a close consanguinous relationship and to lovers of opposite sex, and in such relations love is universally recognized as a distinct emotion. But the meanings expressed by the use of the word "love" in ordinary language are variant, though not funda- mentally divergent. It may be said of a person that he loves his mother and also that he loves grapes, but the character of the feelings this implies must certainly be very dif- ferent, and to use the same designation for them may seem unlogical. But it will not appear so when the nature of true love is fully understood. Love of anything and in any connection is characterized by a joyful or elevating feeling of increased activity or excitation of vital forces, as in a freer and fuller state of life. Love of grapes involves the anticipation of 1 2 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP a sensuous gratification by the eating of them, but their stimulating effect on the nutritive system may also produce a feeling of increased mental vigor, a feeling in some psychological way related to love; and it is probably for this reason that some people think they love grapes, or say so. It may also be said of a person that he loves good music, good com- pany, his books, hunting, etc., and in the use of such language it is understood that what a person loves has some peculiar effect on his mind, not merely agreeable and satisfying, but also as affording means for a higher and more joyful state of mind, or merely new and more life in some degree corresponding with the state of true love. In the cases here cited it would be quite proper to use the expression "like" instead of "love" which is used similarly as a more forcible expression for the feeling it designates. To say of a person that he likes grapes would in any case express his feel- ing in regard to grapes correctly, but his love for his mother would not be expressed correctly by saying that he likes her. Neither would it correctly express a mother's love for her children. It is therefore evident that when we say that we love grapes we do not mean exactly what we say, but we use the word "love" to indicate an inordi- nately pleasant sensation, and thus "love" is often used to express a strong liking for anything which, however, may be felt only by those who have some capacity for true love. Love, in its true sense, is an emotion of the hu- LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 3 man soul entirely independent of any sensuous de- sire or appetite. It springs from a strong desire for a fuller and richer spiritual or psychical life, and all means to that end may become objects of love; but in its primary conception love means only a passion or emotion incited by a spiritual attraction between two human beings. Fundamentals. There are two preliminary condi- tions necessary for the incitement of love. There must exist a subconscious feeling of Dependency between the lover and his object. It is not neces- sarily mutual, for it need not be shared by the ob- ject of love, but in true love there must be a feel- ing of dependency in the minds of both lovers. The dependency of love is of a psychic nature, and it does not involve the physical condition of life. It begins with the discovery of agreeable, com- forting or admirable qualities in the personality or constitution of the loved one which agree with or supplement weaker or less developed qualities in the lover's own nature, or strengthen certain emo- tional tendencies there. He or she feels that these qualities are lacking, or but little developed, in his or her own character or personahty and that they in conjunction with those of his or her own personality will create a richer and more harmon- ious state of psychic life, in which his or her inner life may unite with that of the beloved ones. It is by a feeling of this dependency that the lover be- comes attached to his or her object, and by which 4 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP a desire for a closer union is engendered, and which is finally realized in the conjugal union. But the first and necessary condition of love is Sympathy, which, in a broad sense, means the feel- ing of another person's feelings and affections, as if they were of one's own mind, and it is only through sympathy that a feeling of mental dependency be- comes possible ; for it is only when we learn to agree with other people's feelings or motives that we feel any desire to come in closer contact with them, and it is only in this way we come to feel any attraction in contact with them. There are two distinct varieties of sympathy. One is concerned with and proceeds from the inner man, and it may be termed subjective or immediate sympathy. The other regards man's relation to some exterior agency, and it may be termed objective or mediate sympathy, because of its concern with some- thing outside the inner life. The sympathy of love is of the immediate kind, but it does not necessarily engender love, for it may, under certain conditions, be the cause of admiration or friendship, if it does not meet the necessary conditions of love. The sympathy of pity, charity, compassion, good will, kindness and duty, on the other hand, arises from a feeling or judgment of the effect of certain human or natural agencies upon the mind or welfare of the affected person, and this sympathy is therefore not immediate or spontaneous, as in the case of love, friendship and admiration. But neither sympathy nor dependency are known LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 5 or felt in a state of true love. The lover does not feel any dependence of the loved one, for any con- scious conception of this is dissolved in the emo- tion of love. He or she may sympathize with the beloved one in matters concerning his or her connection with the outer world, but this sympathy has nothing to do with the inner life from which the emotion of love proceeds. Sympathy and a subconscious feeling of depend- ence may be regarded as elementary components of the state of love which cannot be separated with- out changing the nature of the composition. Though these elements are not discoverable in the state of love a dissolution is possible, and when that hap- pens love has vanished; and that will be the case when only one of the components is removed. With- out dependency there is no love, for sympathy alone does not contain a particle of love, and in a state of dependency without sympathy there is no incen- tive to love. This is the chemistry of love. It will appear in- telligible to the psychologist who knows what love is; and thus it may be stated as a psychological axiom that the primary conditions oj love lie in sympathy and mental dependency. A study of the meaning and import of the ad- jectives lovely and lovable in common language may help to obtain a clear conception of the true char- acter of love. We could not love a person in whom we cannot see anything lovely or lovable, but we do not love every person whose character or dispo- 6 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP sition we describe as lovely or lovable; for though we find something in him or her which we must admire it is not such qualities as would compel us to love this person. We find in such a person some- thing which is fit to incite love — in some one else — but we do not find anything there which is specially adapted to supplement a lack of corresponding ele- ments in our own personality, and which would ex- cite a desire for an intimate union with this person. It is not our sympathy which prevents us from lov- ing him (or her), for this sympathy is in every re- spect like the sympathy of love; but the feeling of dependency is entirely absent in this case; or, in other words: the selfishness of love finds no satis- faction in the contemplation of a union with the per- son whose character we designate as lovely or lov- able. Sympathy never becomes emotional, unless it is surcharged with pity, which in itself is a very tem- perate emotion. The feeling of dependency, on the other hand, is wholly subjective, for it proceeds from the native self without any clear conception of its cause, and, like other feelings of the self in its rela- tion to the outer world, it may become strongly emo- tional; and it is a special variety of this feeling in relation to another person, or human entity, which reveals itself in the emotion of love. The mutual dependence of human beings may be of a purely physical or material nature in its incep- tion, but if so it quickly develop? into a mixture of spiritual and material dependence, and the consti- LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 7 tution of human society is founded on such mixture; for both are essential elements in social life — which is only another expression for human life. The pre- liminary conditions of love are therefore always present in some degree when material wants or exi- gencies of a social order bring individuals under different economic conditions in close touch with each other. It is the spiritual dependency which engenders love, but the material dependency is of first importance as an incentive to sympathetic de- pendency. The first requirement of love is a highly developed sympathetic faculty, and the first requisite of sym- pathy is a real similarity in nature and character. Neither immediate nor mediate sympathy can appear outside the human mind, though it may be imag- ined in other beings; for human imagination can transform anything to suit the human mind. But sympathy with an animal becomes possible only by imagining it in some way affected by human feel- ings and emotions. There is, however, a sympa- thetic behavior observable throughout the animal world, which has nothing in common with human sjrmpathy, except in some superficial features, and which justifies the expression "sympathetic be- havior." Friendly and sympathetic relations may have a great ethical value in the relation of man to man, but they lack the life-giving and invigorating power of love, which unfolds itself in the union of two lovers and which never appears in an unemotional 8 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP state. Therefore it may be said that there is a cre- ative power in love; though it does not create any- thing out of nothing, but merely sets in motion and enlarges certain unused faculties of the mind. The vigor of human life becomes evident in ex- pansion. In its period of growth it is sustained by an absorption from the outer world, but when the individual has reached a state of maturity it be- comes overcharged with vitalityj and in that state the native self may expand to a higher state of life in intimate association with another human being as if the overbounding vitality were expended in a liv- ing interaction between two human souls. But it is only through the emotion of love that this be- comes possible, and it is only between opposite sexes that it can be fully expended. By this inter- action the two related natures become more fully developed and both may gain by mutual exchange of superfluous life-force. The general effect of personal love, on the other hand, is of little consequence. It is expressed in the aphorism "All the world loves a lover" ; for spiritual life radiates from a lover, and all the world loves life and any individual who has some of it to spare. But otherwise the importance of love in human pro- gression becomes apparent when it is considered as a means to the development of the personality and character of individuals, for thus it becomes indi- rectly a factor in social evolution. The object of love is not necessarily a single in- dividual; it may be an aggregated entity consist- LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 9 ing of many individuals, as, for instance, a nation, or a country with all that it contains of value for hu- man life and progress; or a place of residence of loved ones and affording all the comforts of home- life; or it may be some special work or occupation which brings oneself in closer contact with a greater part of humanity, as, for instance, the occupation of a teacher or artist; or it may be in the percep- tion of some being wherein an ideal of love is en- shrined, as, for instance, in the deified objects of the Christian faith. One may love money, power, fame, truth, and in all such cases the object of love be- comes a means to a freer and richer life. But it only becomes so by loving it. Combinations of Love. In the concretion of hu- man life love is never entirely separated from other emotions, though it may often be the ruling one, and it is often combined or closely associated with rival emotions before it passes into a state of inti- mate attachment to its object. Emotions of pride, duty, jealousy, rivalry or distrust, uncertainty of winning the loved one, or love of independence may in this period torment the mind of the lover, and feelings closely related to self-preservation or selfish- ness may also appear, for love enters deeply into the mind and has a stimulating effect on other emo- tions; or the intention of love may be blocked by the pride of parents in their social rank and posi- tion or in their wealth. But in its struggle with these various emotions and obstacles love usually 10 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP prevails, and it is in the nature of love to gain in strength by any exterior resistance. If dramatists and writers of love stories should endeavor to picture unaffected and simple love it would, no doubt, make fine reading, but such stories would not be dramatic and would not possess the emotional or exciting character required to arouse corresponding emotions in the mind of the ordinary reader, and if a student of human nature should attempt to determine the nature and character of true love from the works of such authors, he would enter on an unprofitable, if not hopeless task. For while these writers are good psychologists in their own way they are not interested in psychology and do not attempt to explain the origin or proper char- acter of a simple emotion; they know how to pic- ture life and do not attempt to show the various emotions separately, and in their concrete concep- tion of human life no single passion appears entirely independent of others, which all play their part in the progress of human life. A failure to recognize or perceive the manifold- ness of human nature may be discerned in attempts to explain or illustrate the nature of great emo- tions, which not infrequently appear in works of poets, dramatists, poet-philosophers and in tenta- tive psychological essays; and on account of this lack of discrimination love, and other emotions, has been pictured in impassioned poetry and pa- thetic perorations with vivid and profuse colors, which do not represent the true character of simple LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 11 emotions; for it is only in combination with other emotions that they may produce a compomid of greater strength than the original emotion. But the poetical representation may have the advantage of touching some interesting points in the reader's per- sonal experience — though quite worthless to the ra- tional psychologist. Human nature reveals itself in the excited state of the emotions, and it is by a clear and striking ex- position of them that great authors succeed in mak- ing deep impressions on the minds of ordinary read- ers, whose feehngs but seldom rise above the nor- mal or undisturbed level of daily life. But popular authors gain their popularity in a far greater meas- ure by an artful exposition of the sensual emotions than they could by appeaHng to the spiritual and intellectual mind. Thus by mingling love with sen- suality they provide a tasty if not very satisfying story for emotional natures. True love is of the spirit (supersensual), and all material considerations have a deadening effect on it, and to avoid this drawback the lover in popular love stories is often a young man of unlimited means, or else some dear uncle dies and leaves him an immense fortune at the proper psychological time. While the supposed realism of these stories may be disputed, the reader, no doubt, finds in them a rehef from the rather oppressive realities of daily life. Which also may account for the popularity of romantic love stories of former years. The psychological ideas of popular love stories 12 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP are not extracted from personal experience, but they are, to a certain extent, prompted by it; and writers with very Umited experience have written beautiful and fascinating love stories. But ideals change un- der different conditions of culture and civilization while love remains unchanged. The various ideal conceptions of it cannot change its character, and they do not survive in conflict with the realities of human life. The traditional aspect of love and marriage as proper concomitants impHes a combination of dif- ferent emotions; for that which is gained by mar- riage has in itself nothing to do with love, if it consists in a determinate personal and social status, or economic independence and an unhindered and legitimate gratification of the sexual and parental passions. It is therefore not to be wondered at that nearly all love stories come to an end when the conjugal union is agreed on. It may also be said that a truly realistic love story has never been writ- ten, and that but few persons would enjoy the read- ing of it if it were written. The lovers may be very differently endowed in- tellectually and spiritually, and there may be a con- siderable difference in their age, experience and ma- terial advantages, but if they are real lovers they will not allow these differences to affect the deep and personal sympathy of love. On the other hand, those who have but little capacity for immediate sympathy may "get along" fairly well in connubial union if they have sufficient objective (mediate) LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 13 sympathy with the material comfort and aspirations of their matrimonial partner. Marriage may only mean some extra comfort and pleasure to the rich and well-to-do, but it is a necessity for the great majority of workers, who could not endure the strain and monotony of daily toil without a modest home where they may pass their leisure hours in congenial surroundings, and this home comfort may take the place of sexual love, and it will last longer. Thus matrimony proves its social value in those races of mankind where sexual love is almost un- known or of little consequence. The definition of love and other psychological terms and their appended synonyms in all diction- aries may suggest a rather indiscriminate use of them in ordinary language, but there is nothing in the terms themselves, or their derivatives, which can justify an incorrect or loose use of any one of them for radically different emotions. A simple definition of love should be possible, for love is love no matter how much diluted with inferior emotions, just as gold is gold in any composition. Some Other Emotions. There is no difference be- tween the sympathy of love and that of Admira- tion. But while the sympathy which evokes ad- miration is concerned with qualities which surpass corresponding qualities in the admirer's personal- ity, he or she does not feel that his or her own happiness or welfare depends to any great extent on these qualities, and which is one of the primary 14 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP conditions for the incitement of love. Admiration of these qualities can therefore not have any vital effect on the admirer's mind. It may stay in com- bination with love, but that which the lover ad- mires is not what he loves. It may serve to strengthen the emotion of love, but it never becomes an element in it, and it is only in the art of poetry that the lover expresses his admiration for the loved one. Charity (or charitableness) is not very different from love in its exterior manifestations; but it is not so restricted or selfish, and it c^n spread to sev- eral objects without losing force. The benefactor is not, like the lover, interested in the personality of his object only and does not seek a union with it. The sympathy of charity is objective, and it is not emotional, unless some love happens to be implicated. No regard for one's proper self can ap- pear in charity or charitableness, but acts of benevo- lence may react on the mind of the benefactor and open it to the joys and satisfaction of an unselfish life. Righteousness in combination with love makes the latter less selfish and gives it a higher character. But the two emotions never coalesce, for the sym- pathy of love is different from that of righteousness ; one is subjective and the other is objective, and it often happens that love vanishes while righteousness remains unaltered. A keen feeling of "duty" is often present in the lover's relation to the loved one, but it does not enter LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 15 in the state of love and does not otherwise affect it. It only appears when the relation to the loved one makes it unavoidable, and it is prompted by an objective sympathy only. The sympathy of ''pity" is objective (mediate), and it arises from the perception of an unfortunate position or a suffering condition of its object, and it can therefore in no way directly affect the emotion of love; but it may sometimes act as an incentive to it. The jealoitsy of love is highly emotional but it is not sympathetic, for it is concerned with the pos- session of something which is prized as highly as life itself, or something vitally connected with the lover's own self; and when there appears a danger of losing it an emotion of mistrust arises in oppo- sition to the emotion of love. In the struggle be- tween these two emotions one of them may gain the mastery, but it never ends before one of them is vanquished; which shows the indivisibility of love, which finds no satisfaction in an interme- diate state and cannot brook the possibility of it. The selfishness of love appears distinctly when there is any danger of losing any part of the loved one's affection ; but this particular kind of selfishness, that inner selfishness, has no regard for the gratifica- tion of the lower passions or desires, and it can- not be regarded as a vice, but rather as a necessary and natural adjunct of love. Pride is an unsympathetic emotion and it cannot 16 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP conquer a deep-rooted love.^ When it finds an out- let in anger it may act as a check to the emotion of love, but it soon recedes and leaves love unabated; for a mind imbued with love is not easily affected by a weaker emotion, and the lover does not easily get angry with the loved one in matters which do not vitally affect or impair the confidence of love. Love, on the other hand, may weaken the emotion of pride or partly replace it. It is only in the incipi- ent state of love that these two entirely different emotions may possess equal power, and in this state the contest between them may become passionately excited; and by a concrete illustration of this initial state some love stories are made highly emotional. Pride may, however, as an independent agent, serve to strengthen love. Children may become means for the satisfaction of parental pride, outside the sphere of love, and when a father and mother are proud of their children they become more precious to them, as means to the satisfaction of the deeper emotion of love and the more superficial emotion of pride. The mother will pay special attention to their dress and appearance in social company, and her concern * Pride is not entirely void of sympathy, though it may be classed as an unsympathetic emotion; and there are several va- rieties of it which cannot be placed in this class. The selfishness of pride appears when the proud one feels himself a superior being without responsibility in relation to the rest of mankind, and this is a selfish feeling. But he could not have this feeling with- out some sympathy with those classes or individuals which he considers inferior to himself; for otherwise he could not be con- scious of his own superiority. But a person may be conscious of personal advantages and be proud of them without being selfish in a bad sense. LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 17 about this will increase her love for them, and pride may have a similar effect in the relation of husband to wife and children. When we consider the pe- culiar inclination of the lover to vivify the good qualities in the loved one and ignore the feebler ones his pride in the object of his love will appear natural and well founded in most cases. But it is no part of love itself (as Hume conceived it to be). The Power of Love. Love — like other passions — cannot spread to various objects without losing in intensity and power. When in love the whole per- sonal being is united with or attached to one object, and a union with, or attachment to, different ob- jects at the same time would require a correspond- ing division of the lover's own self, which would be impossible for any ordinary human being. It can only be done by an alternative shifting of his atten- tion and affection from one object to another, and this would in each case require some length of time. The one apparent exception may be found in the parental love, for though a mother or father does not love all their children at the same time, they may readily and quickly shift their loving atten- tion from one child to another. Love cannot be superseded by other emotions when it has become the ruHng one, but considering its influence outside the sexual relation and family life, it should be noted that it is only in combination with inferior emotions that it can be of any conse- quence in the practical affairs of life. 18 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP The supremacy of love over all other emotions is shown in its effect on the lover's spiritual nature. Love invigorates and stimulates all the faculties of the mind and makes the lover a more efficient and devoted worker in the special line of activity he has chosen for the fulfillment of his desires and aspi- rations. The spiritual energy which it creates makes possible a more complete consummation of the lover's intentions and greater achievements, and thus the emotion of love becomes indirectly an effi- cient agent in the development of human superior- ity and power. But its main function and imme- diate effect is an improvement of the individual character and the promotion of individual happiness. Love appears primitively as an immediate psychic interaction between two human beings, and in its further expansion, under the stimulus of a progres- sive ethical culture, it appears in a less personal but in a more elevated and idealistic form ; as in the love of one's country, home, some special occupation, or in the idealistic love of some superior human being, or in the subhme perception of some superhuman being. Some distinctly different forms of personal and impersonal love will be discussed separately here. Sexual Love. It is one of the main and necessary conditions of love that the personalities of a pair of lovers shall be different. Otherwise there can be no emotional interaction or communication between them : for the emotion of love cannot be maintained LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 19 where there is nothing to offer, receive or exchange. But equality of personality or character would be no bar to a friendly relation, and herein lies the main difference between Love and Friendship. While love may exist as a dominant passion in the mutual relation of persons of the same sex, it is universally recognized as predominant in the mutual relation of men and women ; and this fact may surely be ascribed to a certain innate difference in the male and female character. While it in many cases would be impossible for a man or woman to love some person of their own sex it would probably in no case be quite impossible for them to love any one of the opposite sex, or rather to find something in the personality or character of such a person which they could love. For it cannot be assumed that love in its inception has regard to the whole per- sonality or character of the loved one. It is only that part of the personality or personal character which has a special value for the lover, that part of it which he or she can sympathize with and admire, which awakens the emotion of love, and this emotion is in itself so intense and power- ful that it must dominate and control the whole at- tention of the lover toward the loved one by sub- duing or modifying any extraneous feeling or impres- sion which otherwise would force itself within its dominion. The lover may discover temperamental peculiarities or even disagreeable, immoral or per- verted sentiments in the mind of the loved one, but if they are not too predominant and do not inter- 20 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP fere with that part which is appreciated by the lover, then there is in love itself sufficient reserve power to overrule any serious consideration of it and to make it appear to the lover as unimportant defects. The human soul finds its most direct and free expression in the features of the human face, and particularly so during a temporary excitation by strong emotions. But the modular cadence of the human voice may, under similar conditions, have the same effect on a sensitive and sympathetic mind, and its adaptation to various emotions is clearly shown in the different voices of Anger, Indignation, De- fiance, Joy, Contempt, Supplication, etc. But the visible and audible expression of inner feelings may also become the most direct and effec- tive means for the excitation of immediate personal sympathy, as is shown in the very common phe- nomenon of ''Love at first sight," the reality of which has never been doubted or misunderstood. The spontaneous love is pure Love, unaffected by reason, reflection or imagination, and it cannot change, for it proceeds from that part of the per- sonality which must remain unchanged through- out Ufe. Love at first meeting would therefore be a safe guide to a happy and life-long matrimonial union ; but it is probably only in comparatively few cases that it becomes an initiative to matrimony. For the sexual union has its practical aspects, which often appear of prime importance. It may have concern about the ability of the husband to support LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 21 his family in a manner corresponding with the com- monly accepted requirements of social standing and personal habits. But if a young man, for any rea- son, is not prepared to marry his first love he may make a greater mistake in allowing practical con- siderations to interfere with his immediate desire and intention; for such considerations make a poor guide to a happy marriage for both parties, and the result may be far less satisfactory than if the im- mediate impulse of love at first meeting had pre- vailed, despite the economical or social difficulties it might entail. Two lovers are always wishing to be united, and the emotion of love is greatly intensified when their union is hindered by unforeseen circumstances or when they have been separated by extraneous forces. When this happens the mutual dependency takes the form of a longing for reunion with all the charac- teristics of a strong emotion. In this respect per- sonal love does not differ from other passions, which increase in strength whenever they meet a resist- ance. The emotion of love — like any other emotion — is nurtured and supported by imagination, and noth- ing is more affective or fascinating than the imagery of love. The source of love's ideal conceptions can in any case be found in some personal ideal im- planted in the soul from which the realities of love are extracted and made suitable to the realities of human life. But as a rule, the lover expects a reali- zation of his ideal in the connubial union. Such ex- 22 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP pectation may be fully satisfied, but in the majority of cases love's ideal is only partly realized. For the relation between married people may become strained and in no sense agree with the principles of true love, and still less so with the ideal concep- tion of it, and on the whole it may be said of ideal love (as of any other ideal) that it is impracticable, though possible in exceptional cases. But though it must be admitted that the ideal love disappears in the conjugal union, it is nevertheless true that it is in this union and in its parental relations, more than in any other relation, that love proves its practical and universal value. The ideal conception of the object of love trans- cends the limit of self-regard and eliminates the con- sciousness of self, which in this state is replaced by a better self which resides in the personality of the loved one. The reality of this transformation is made evident by the particular care and concern bestowedion the loved one. The lover does not seem to pay so much attention to his or her own safety and comfort as to that of the loved one ; and in that respect the lover becomes less selfish than in his (or her) relation to other human beings. But other- wise the emotion of love does not in any degree lessen or weaken the selfishness of man; and the selfishness of united lovers outside their own sphere of love is even more distinctive than that of single persons. But selfishness in any form cannot affect the emotion of love. Though there be some satis- faction in the consciousness of being loved, and a LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 23 desire to be the object of love may dominate a weaker mind, it never becomes an active element in the state of love; for it proceeds from a selfish de- sire; and love shuns an insincere invitation. The true character of personal love is shown in its incipient state in a desire to come away from the native self, to be relieved of its oppressive domi- nation and its wearisome or irritating monotony, by shifting the center of attention to the personality of another person. Man's love differs from woman's love to the same extent as their sexuality, and as the difference in their ideals. Man's love is passionate and idealistic, and woman's love is essentially motherly. But "motherly" does not express or explain a woman's love for her intended husband without some quali- fication. As a laconic characterization it is satis- factory, but otherwise it is inadequate. It does not mean a woman's love for children or her desire for motherhood, and it does not, as a rule, appear ex- plicitly or consciously in her love for her intended husband; but it is nevertheless true that the emo- tional part of her mind is affected by those qualities which make him fit to be a father, and that a woman's love is fundamentally connected with her mother instinct. It is only when this instinct is abnormally developed that she may love a man whose manly character is so weak or deficient that she can find an immediate use for it in the matri- monial union. But as a rule, she is attracted by 24 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP his firmness, self-control, constancy and resoluteness, and she rather likes a dominative or overbearing character, and though her love is absolutely per- sonal, it is not affected by other accomplishments or moral qualities. On the other hand, she cannot love a childish person, however much she may like children; and she does not pay any attention to those qualities which might be of some personal benefit to her if she is not willing to be a mother. But she will not consent to marry a man if she is not fully convinced that he loves her and that he is physically healthy; for what she really loves is that which makes him fit to be a father for her children, and in that sense a woman's love may be characterized as "motherly." Some early effect of a woman's mother-instinct may occasionally be observed in her attitude toward her lover, but otherwise it remains dormant during her maidenhood. But she may feel a strong desire to enjoy a fuller and richer life in company with her lover, and by this new experience she gains in men- tal and physical vigor and becomes better prepared for motherhood. Man's mental constitution is manifold and change- able, while that of woman is simple and confined within definite limits. It is shown in her love, which remains her dominant passion, while man's love is often replaced by other passions. She desires love and cannot free herself from that desire ; but she will not accept it from a man who does not truly love her, for she feels intuitively that only in reciprocal LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 25 love can her inner life expand and fulfill her supreme destiny as a good mother for a new generation. And this feminine characteristic of a young woman's love is often shown in her attitude toward her lover. In her female nature the mother instinct is para- mount, but she has also an intuitive feeling that she is not destined to bear more than one-half of the parental affection and responsibility, and that an isolation of her part would be an effective bar to complete motherhood, and every young woman in the first period of mature womanhood may have a vague premonition of this. A woman generally does not find a congenial occu- pation outside her own sphere, which is included in the greater sphere of man's activity, and she never feels quite happy outside her own sphere. When her true womanhood is normally developed she feels a sure premonition of her duties within the limit of her sexual and social sphere of occupation and the necessity of preserving her female qualities, which become fully developed in the restricted sphere of motherhood. However limited or extended her sphere of ac- tivity may be, there will always remain in the healthy young woman's mind a subconscious per- ception of her primitive female faculties, which find their natural apphcation when she becomes a mother; and if she is not wilHng to be a mother, or does not feel any satisfaction in the contempla- tion of it, or if she is not fond of children, then it may be inferred that she is not in every respect fit 26 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP for motherhood, or is not fully developed for it. The capacity for love varies greatly in different individuals but the essential in womanly love is probably indicated correctly here. Without that there would be no specific or consistent feminine love, and it appears distinctly in mother love. Man's mind is peculiarly adapted to ideal concep- tions, and in his endeavor to gain full freedom for the spiritual part of his nature he is often carried far beyond the limits of his animal nature. This tendency has had a peculiar effect upon his rela- tion to the other sex, and through all ages it ap- pears in his erotic and spiritual conception of womanhood. One effect of this is shown in the ever changing social status of woman. In some period of remote antiquity she held a superior social posi- tion; later she became the slave of man, or an in- ferior attachment to him; the breeder of his chil- dren; a special object of his erotic passion, etc. Man's erotic attitude toward the other sex from the early middle ages to the end of last century was in- spired by incongruous idealistic sentiments and prej- udices. Under the dominant rule of the Roman Church woman became an inferior being, a deceiver, a she-devil, and outside that domain an object of frivolous gallantry.^ A remarkable transformation *It may safel}' be affirmed that there never has appeared a greater obstacle to the promotion of true psychological knowledge than the Roman Church when it became superdominant after the disappearance of primitive Christianity, and particularly so by the supposition of sinfulness in all elementary emotions, as inimical to the spirit of Christianity. LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 27 in the erotic attitude of men occurred in the era of chivaky in the twelfth and thirteenth century in western Europe. To win and retain the love or at- tention of a woman became a special function of the masculine mind, and if she had any preference she was not allowed or supposed to reveal it. She was to be an object of love, but was not supposed to be a lover herself, and this presumption of the passive attitude of the object of love made it possible for the lover to use his imagination to its full extent in the creation of an ideal being, which he could adore and worship. An occasional glimpse of the beloved being, or the mere knowledge of her existence, would keep the ideal image of her personality bright in his impassioned mind. But though this spirit love may have been highly esteemed in the chivalrous society of that period, it could not satisfy the great mass of common people, for common lovers wish to live to- gether, and real love cannot be fed and sustained by pure imagination. There is no evidence in his- tory or literature that woman ever had any idealis- tic conception of love corresponding to that of man, or his erotic imagination. The realistic woman is conscious of man's idealis- tic conception of her personality and character, but she is by no means inclined to destroy the illusion; on the contrary, she is willing to uphold it when she feels that she must do so in order to make herself ac- ceptible as an object of love — though she would rather that he should appreciate the female quali- ties which belong to her. But she wants love, and 28 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP is willing to please man in any way to foster his af- fection for her ; and in doing so she follows a natu- ral impulse to realize the object of true womanhood. When a young man feels a resistless impulse to protect the young woman he loves, without any ob- vious necessity for or inducement to do so, it may be explained logically by assuming a primary excite- ment of his father instinct. And it may be noted as an equally significant fact that the young woman will accept his protection gracefully, even if she is quite capable of protecting herself. This vague imitation of fatherhood may appear when the young man has considered the possibility of a new generation under his fatherly protection and the young woman as a means to that end ; and it may add to the ardour of sexual love, as by a subtle perception of the joy of fatherhood. But later, when the sexual union has become an ac- complished fact, the joy of fatherhood may appear as a fully developed and independent emotion.^ A young man may love his sister, but his love for his sweetheart is more passionate; for in that love there is something which is lacking in sister love. He cannot be enamoured by his sister because he knows her too well; while he has no intimate knowledge of the other girl's character, and can make up the deficiency with some ideal conception *This conception is not incompatible with Schopenhauer's in- stinct of "philo-progenitiveness," but it cannot be designated as an "instinct," which indicates something deeper rooted than sexual love, and we have no actual proof or indication of such an instinct in the constitution of human nature. LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 29 of his own making. The young woman may per- ceive this, but she does not attempt to disillusion him, and she rather enjoys her new role as a more ideal being, and she may imagine this as part of her better nature, of which she had no cognizance before she met the young man. But the real woman will certainly appear in the connubial union, and there need not be any radical difference between the atti- tude of a wife and that of a loving sister. Happiness is implied in, and requires some meas- ure of expansion of the inner life; but the happi- ness of love implies also some real addition to, or improvement in, the lover's mental constitution — a richer life; and is maintained only by repeated excitement of sympathetic feelings, and thus the emotion of love may be maintained in the first years of married life. But the continued exercise of its strength and virility leads to a gradual exhaustion, and when that happens other vital and elemental powers will claim attention, to which no considera- tion was given in the superdominant state of love. If the revived desires and aspirations agree with the other party's sentiments they may become sup- plementary to his or her love, and in that case the intimate relation between the lovers will be set- tled on a permanent basis and remain so. Other- wise the relation will become unsettled by a more or less complete disintegration of the emotion of love. And there is a great possibility for this when young persons are married before their innate propensi- 30 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP ties and personal faculties have had a chance to assert themselves and claim recognition. The transitoriness of sexual love may be rep- resented more vividly in a figurative form : Love has been symbolized by a flaming heart, and this is prob- ably the best representation of it; but, like other flames and fire, it cannot endure if not constantly fed with new fuel, and however much there may be in store of this in the beginning, it will certainly be- come less ample or abundant when the initial sup- ply has been consumed, and if there was not an abundance of it to start with it may dwindle to noth- ing at the end of the first few years of married fife. But even then the work of mutual love is not neces- sarily lost, for it may reappear in the form of pa- rental love, in which both parents may find full compensation for their dissipated sexual love. As "sexual love" implies the love of both sexes, it implies also two different varieties of love. Man's love can only be analyzed and described correctly by a man, and woman's love can only be truly depicted by a woman. Man's love described by a man and woman's love as it appears from a woman's view- point would be required as complementary parts of a complete treatise on sexual love. But of the emo- tion of love it is true — as of all elementary emo- tions — that it cannot be justly interpreted by those whose minds are dominated by it, for it is char- acteristic of all emotions that they obscure the vision in other directions, and often so much so that a person under their influence remains unaffected by LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 31 those other emotions which, in their own way, are able to dominate and direct the thoughts and actions of mankind. Love has no objective form or charac- ter from a point of view inside its own sphere, while it appears in a comprehensive form to one who knows it from past experience and has the requisite faculty of retrospection and introspection. Parental Love. A mother's love for her young infant is primarily incited by its helpless condition. A woman's natural disposition to give up part of her personal comfort and desires for the benefit of an- other person may find full satisfaction in her rela- tion to the child, and her female character makes her peculiarly fit as a nurse and helper for young children. Many mothers will admit that they do not feel any love for their newly-born child, and there is no ground for the supposition that a mother feels any great affliction by losing it. Her love for the child begins when she is able to nurse it, and it grows by degrees as the child reveals its truly human nature and character. All the faculties of the soul are ex- pressed in the eyes, and they show themselves there not long after the birth of the child. The mother can observe them as soon as they appear, and her love to the child is therefore awakened before other persons can feel any sympathy for it, and in her close and continued association with it the two funda- mental conditions of love — sympathy and depend- ency — are ever present. 32 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP The here presented aspect of a mother's love for her newly-born child is justified by the following historical facts : A methodical destruction of newly- born children is practised in some countries. In the Orient it is not considered a crime, and in China a man who has many girls in his family is regarded a mean person. After the institution of the Christian Church in Europe the killing of newly born chil- dren was first considered a crime, and the dogma of eternal damnation of the unbaptized made it an un- pardonable crime. Because the child is so entirely dependent on its mother's care and attention feehngs and emotions of a different nature cannot enter her mind, and therefore a mother's love is more constant and purer than love in other relations and under other conditions. When a woman has become a mother she has arrived at a full development of that part of her constitution which makes her preeminently fit for the rearing and education of young children, and the satisfaction she finds in that occupation is a matter of vital concern to her. Considered in this light it will be admitted that a mother's depend- ence on her child is as absolute as its dependence on her, though the character of the dependence is as different as its objects. When a child dies the mother feels the loss very keenly. The loss of a friend or near relative is not felt so, which shows a bond between the child and its mother as between two parts of one living being. LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 33 It cannot be said that a mother likes her children, but she must love them. She may like other people's children, but she cannot love them; for in her re- lation to them the element of dependency is entirely lacking. They are entirely dependent on their own mother and must therefore be independent in their relation to other persons — except their father. Paternal and maternal love are not essentially different; but, as a rule, they are not synchronous or of equal intensity; for intensive mother love ap- pears soon after the birth of the child, while a father's love begins at a later stage, when the child has grown old enough to perceive its dependence of the father and express it in its behavior toward him. Then the paternal sympathy becomes a vital ele- ment of father love. The child's love for its mother and father is of course not effectual, for the emotion of love is un- developed in childhood. It is often discernible, how- ever, in young children as a sympathetic love, but the emotional element is weak and superficial, and affection is a more suitable expression in this case. One may occasionally discover the antecedent of real love expressed in the eyes of a little child. But this can only happen when the child is approached in a spirit of loving-kindness, without any trace of parental love or self-consciousness of any kind — an unemotional state of mind which has been symbol- ized as that of "an empty vessel"; otherwise the experiment will fail absolutely. The beautiful light seen in the child's eyes may soon disappear, but it 34 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP proves beyond doubt that the germ of love is im- planted in the soul of the child. Sublime Love. The difficulty of extracting pure love from its combinations with other emotions was referred to in another place, and it was re- marked that love stories were of little help in that respect. But a true conception of pure love may be obtained by considering the ideal love in the Christian faith, for there it appears absolutely pure and perfect (as may be affirmed of ideals generally). The Christians can love their God as children love their father, who has power to love all his children, and the reciprocity of this love is expressed in the form "Our Father." This conception appeals to the human heart, for nothing is more human than pa- rental love, and the dependency of childhood reap- pears in man's relation to the Father of mankind. Hence the love of God has become a fundamental conception in the Christian faith. But as an ideal of pure love the love of Christ stands without an equal. Jesus, or Christ, was a human being while he lived among men, but he is also revered as the savior of mankind. Therefore, full sympathy and full dependency are united in the dual conception of Christ as Man and Savior, and pure love is the logical result. On the other hand, when sympathy is lacking in the relation of man to his god — as in the lower religions — Fear appears as the most promi- nent emotion. All manifestations of common love are character- LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 35 ized by mutuality, and no sacrifice is apparent or even possible there. But there is a higher order of love which does not find its object in the per- sonality of man, and which becomes possible only when faith in a higher ideal has become absolute and has conquered all lower aspirations. This ex- alted emotion has culminated in the love of some saint or deified personage preserved in religious leg- ends. But it appears also impersonally in a higher appreciation of humanity, represented by a social body, as for instance in the love of one's country. Affected by such love the lover is prepared to sac- rifice his life or property for the preservation, or reaUzation, of the ideal object of his love. But it appears only in combination with a fervid devotion to it. Activity of Love. Love is shown in acts and is sustained by them; for life itself gains a higher potency in love, and the fruition of life is shown in acts. But the lover's attention is concentrated on the loved one, who thus reaps the immediate benefit of it. The lover must see and talk to the loved one and give him or her substantial tokens of his or her love. If we love a dead person we put flowers on his or her grave. If we love God we must wor- ship Him, and if we do not worship Him we do not love Him. If we love humanity we must show it in benevolent acts or disinterested public activity. If we love a dog we pet it. The giving of presents has always been recognized as a proper means of ex- 36 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP pressing gratitude, but as a token of love they have another meaning. The lover has no gratitude to express and he does not mean to curry favors; he or she simply wishes to show his or her attention to the loved one and a desire to please him or her, and such acts cannot fail to strengthen the ties of love. There may be moments in a man's or woman's life when they are not fully convinced of their love for some person or human object, and in such a case they may prove the real nature of their feelings by presenting to themselves the question, whether they feel an inclination or desire to offer part of their own self or personal belonging to the object of their at- tention or regard. This is a conclusive test, but some power of introspection is needed to settle it. There is no passive love, it impels to action and is strengthened by it. But the activity of love is not of a social character — if it does not become so accidentally — for love is only concerned with the welfare of the loved ones. The business activity of a man is entirely outside his personal sphere of love which includes only his wife and children, though his business life may, to a great extent, be affected by his love for them and regard for their welfare. Evolution of Love. Love was not definitely ex- pressed as a single emotion of the human soul or mind and not distinctly differentiated from chari- tableness in the moral teaching of Jesus and his dis- ciples. But it was imphcitly revealed there as nec- essary for the salvation and happiness of mankind. LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 37 and the spirit of love in the maxims of Jesus ap- peared to the first Christians as a new revelation, which filled their hearts with joy. But if this pas- sion had not been dormant in the human mind before the time of Jesus the perception of it could not have become so perfect in the minds of the first Christians — as may, for instance, be inferred from the epistle of St. John. Jesus expounded the supreme importance of mutual sympathy, and by accepting his gospel of charitableness and sympathy the Christians were prepared for the evolution of true love, which, through many curious idealistic transformations and illusions in the Middle Ages, first commenced to ap- pear as a fully developed emotion in the two latest centuries of the Christian era. That it will attain to a greater perfection in the future may safely be assumed, considering the material and intellectual improvements in the social relations of mankind since the beginning of the present industrial era. That the emotion of love was but little known or appreciated in antiquity may be inferred from an- cient legends and folk-lore in which it never is found so clearly expressed as in the literature of the Middle Ages and later. Neither has it found adequate ex- pression in oriental literature ; and among primitive peoples the emotion of love finds hardly any visible expression.^ Under a more refined culture, and after ^I may venture the opinion that the supposed equivalents of the word "love" in the old Hebraic and Greek languages never had the same meaning as "love" in our language. 38 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP a more advanced evolution of human characteris- tics, some passions become more distinctly differ- entiated, and love may appear in a more developed state at a comparatively late stage of human pro- gression. But there is not in anthropology or his- tory anything to disprove the assumption that every passion, known or observed in the present genera- tion, has not existed in a similar or corresponding form throughout the ages of mankind and in any state of civilization. Love may, under certain conditions, embrace a larger number or groups of persons. But he who is inspired by such love must be fully devoted to some special occupation which makes his personal well- being and felicity dependent on it. A minister of the gospel or a missionary may love his adherers and disciples collectively, and a teacher may love his school of pupils; but can a man with a large family of young children love humanity in any more ex- tended sense? If it be possible we have no proof of it, and it is a notable fact that none of the great re- formers and prophets had legitimate children. Gautama Buddha maintained that intense pa- rental love was not beneficial to children and often a source of sorrow and disappointment to the parents, and this can readily be admitted when love is not tempered with wisdom. He advises his dis- ciples to love humanity as "a mother loves her only child." When the mind is dominated by a love of this character it is an easy matter to forsake all personal or private love attachment. But for the LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 39 ordinary man under ordinary conditions of life the family ties must remain as the source of the most powerful emotion of love, and Gautama's conception of love was modified by his occupation. He was a reformer, and to impart the highest benefit to man- kind by his religious and ethical teaching was his only aim. Without this he could not have benefited humanity in any great measure, and his life as a common monk or citizen would have been of com- paratively little value. Thus the two main condi- tions of love — sympathy and dependency — were united in his occupation; and for monks and mission- aries generally such love is both possible and neces- sary. Gautama's conception of human life made it necessary for the will to oppose the emotions which tend to disturb the equipoise of the mind. The Stoics would not allow the emotion of love to over- power the counsel of wisdom or become the master of human actions, and it cannot be denied that when love is concentrated on a single object it cannot spread over a larger field; and there is nothing in history to prove that the Stoic principle in regard to love was not well founded and justified by ex- perience. But still it would not be safe to assume that any limitation of the emotion of love would improve the moral character of human life generally. We need only consider what the missionaries have accomplished in all parts of the world to believe in the great Christian ideal, which is love without limi- tations. It does not appear possible that love can conduce 40 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP to a more peaceful state of society. There are no pacifying emotions, and love is sensitive, ungovern- able and active, and it is opposed to dispassionate friendliness or peaceful passivity: but it does not admit of hate and antagonism and it prevents strife within its own limited domain. Special attention is necessary as an initiative to sympathy, and as attention cannot be divided it must be directed exclusively to the object of sym- pathy. But this cannot be done when the mind is preoccupied with an object or condition which af- fects the more immediate interest in life ; and which is the case whenever the physical necessities of life are involved. In proportion as the physical con- ditions become less oppressive can sympathy spread to a wider field of social relations, and as the mind of man is relieved from the burdens of physical needs he becomes more sympathetic. Sympathy is necessary as an initiation to love, and the principle here stated may thus be applied to the emotion of love: When the attention is wholly centered on the needs and comforts of physical life it cannot be freely applied to an object of love, and under such conditions love must necessarily be less prominent or less apparent than under more favor- able conditions, and its subjection to material con- ditions may easily be observed in the relations of practical life, and it may be accepted as a historical fact that the emotion of love is weaker in the bar- baric and less civilized nations than in the more pro- LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 41 gressive and prosperous ones, and that it is but little developed in a state of degrading poverty. If, as at the present time, human endeavor is mainly directed toward means for acquiring physi- cal comforts this must ultimately lead to a sating of the craving for material comforts, and the mind of men will then be at liberty to concern itself more with a gratification of the sympathetic emotions, among which love holds a superior place. But it should also be noted that the true character of love is unchangeable. It is not in any manner affected or modified by external conditions, and love cannot be coerced by outside forces. There is no higher or lower love, no refined or rude love, no superficial, weak, sickly, abnormal or imperfect love ; it is the same in all ages and in all states of mental and moral culture. The use of the word "love" in common language may be accepted as superior evidence of the per- manency and integrity of love, for no qualifying or modifying expression can be used for it; and the question: What is Love? cannot be satisfactorily an- swered in a philosophical or dialectic discussion. But any common person with but little reasoning power or intellectual acumen has an innate comprehension of its meaning; and as far as he or she is concerned it is fully expressed in the single syllable "Love." Any woman will immediately understand the mean- ing of it when she hears the words: "I love you." And there is no more significant word in our lan- guage. "Affection" is often used as a substitute 42 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP for "Love," but it does not express the meaning of Love. Love's proper function is to serve humanity in its progressive evolution — not to pamper the selfish- ness of man — and it would have no value if not con- nected with the realities of life. Outside this it must be considered as an unprofitable and transitory af- fection. For its natural function is not merely to provide a pleasant or rapturous exercise for man's emotional nature, and it certainly is outside its proper field when used as a plaything in sport for temporary enjoyment. In a state of temperamental excitement it may produce a feeling of sublime joy or happiness, but this is only a transitory state which generally is succeeded by a longer period of depres- sion or unhappiness. In such a state love is not only wasted, but it has also an injurious or dissi- pative effect on the natural vitality of the soul. Love's force and virility may appear in a useless or disturbing activity when not under the immediate control of the moral consciousness of man, but in its overflowing vitality we may perceive its greater usefulness in a more evenly balanced social order of coming generations. And from this viewpoint it may not be amiss to consider how this powerful emo- tion was developed in the human mind in advance of its greater usefulness. This problem may appear a little vexing to the naturalistic philosopher. Love, like other emotions, has its particular use in the ideal scheme of human evolution. The real benefit or service of love appears when it tends to LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 43 promote the sociality of man, and in that respect love and hate may be considered as supplementary emotions, though operating in different directions and to different purposes. Love is uniting and hate is separating, but at the present state of human so- ciety it seems necessary that it shall be divided in groups, in order that each group may attain to greater perfection within its own limits, and so far as hate tends to maintain this division it makes pos- sible more congenial conditions for the cultivation of the emotion of love. This appears most clearly in the universal division of different nationalities, but it is equally true of smaller groups within the na- tional confines. The efficiency of love as a cultivator of the human isoul depends on the moral conditions which at any given period have become prevalent in human so- ciety. As a servant to morality it has no real power or function outside the domain of morality, but this does not mean that love itself can assume a moral character. The servant need not be related to or associated with the master in any way, and in his capacity as servant he may be of greater assistance to the master than if he were personally related to him. At various periods of the history of man we may observe different aspects of his moral con- sciousness, and it is first when this consciousness has advanced to higher levels that love can appear as an efficient factor in human progression, and it is only so far as it may be applied to the existing moral conditions that it can develop its potential 44 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP power. Marriage is essentially and primarily a prac- tical institution, wholly independent of sentimental and religious motives, but it is just in connection with this practical institution that love has found the most effective use for its superior power and it has become the particular privilege of love to make this ancient institution of the greatest value to hu- manity in the later centuries of the Christian era. That divorces have become increasingly numerous in the Germanic countries, may be ascribed to a comparatively recent evolution of sexual love in the more advanced races. For passionate and unrequited love has a strong tendency to disrupt a connubial union which under other conditions would remain undisturbed and peaceful. On the other hand, it may be accepted as an indis- putable fact that monogamy does not depend on and is not conditioned or sustained by love; for in its almost universal prevalence there is sujfficient evi- dence of a deeper foundation. It is primarily based on man's moral consciousness and his trust in re- production and continual generation. And being maintained and cherished by the female sex gener- ally, there is but little probability that it will be- come obsolete or affected by sentimental prejudice, excessive idealism or decadent morals. The female sex is not, and probably never will be, the ruling one, but half of mankind is female, and woman's inter- est in matrimony, being primarily connected with her mother-instinct, may be accepted as sufficient LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 45 guaranty for the preservation of universal mo- nogamy. In all Lutheran creeds reciprocal love is consid- ered as an indispensable inducement to marriage; and a permanent state of love is assumed possible and indispensable in the connubial union. But this assumption is not concordant with the superdomi- nant and arrogative love, which requires frequent manifestations of reciprocal sympathy or sympa- thetic attention, and when this active love-making is lacking love will gradually subside and finally be- come little more than a forbearing friendship be- tween partners, equally interested in domestic or parental affairs, and this is what will happen in the majority of connubial unions. The permanency of connubial love is, however, possible when at least one of the partners is endowed with a loving dis- position which remains unaffected or undisturbed by selfish desires, antipathetic feelings, discordant sentiments or an irascible temper. But however beneficial such a disposition may be for the main- tenance of amicable, social and personal relations and intercourse, and in every respect advantageous, it is not a common or prevalent attribute of the human mind or heart, and it cannot be relied upon as a dominant power in the average connubial re- lationship. A married woman would, under normal condi- tions, be a more competent and reliable interpreter of connubial love than the single person who lacks sufficient personal or intimate experience for an un- 46 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP biased and comprehensive exposition of its valuable and enduring qualities. It is just her more inti- mate knowledge of it which makes the married woman or widow disinclined to relate her experi- ence for the entertainment or benefit of common and casual readers. The single woman with more or less actual ex- perience may feel a strong desire to enlarge upon this subject, particularly if she is a proficient and accomplished writer, and her intense inner feelings may impel her to produce copious and eloquent di- lations on sexual love ; and her consistent arguments may produce a strong momentary effect on the mind of the unsophisticated reader. But he or she may become equally interested when the same theme is discussed by some equally competent and force- ful writer from a different viewpoint. Any book may be of real value to a person with sufficient dis- cernment to appreciate the author's personal view- point. The Sexual Desire. If the philosophers of the last century had made any serious attempt to de- termine the real nature and character of love we should probably not now be in any doubt about its supersensual nature as distinct from, if not opposed to, the sexual desire or appetency. But we may come to this conclusion without a psychological analysis of love. That the sexual appetite, more than any- thing else, has served to the increase of mankind may be admitted as an indisputable fact, and this LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 47 is in perfect accordance with the Darwinian theory of evolution. It has always been a dominant passion and a powerful incentive to the mating of the sexes, and there is nothing to prove that it has not been equally strong under all conditions of culture and civilization and in all races of mankind. But considering Love we come to quite a differ- ent conception of its prominence in various states of civilization. Among savages it is hardly per- ceptible, and that it has developed gradually under improved conditions in advanced civilizations may be assumed as proven in History, It is only in a more developed state that the phenomena of human life show their true character, and love in its higher development cannot be com- pared with any sensual desire, and there is nothing to indicate that it ever was related to sensuality. That the germ of love was implanted in the hu- man soul independent of the animal nature of man and his sensual faculties is made evident in all its manifestations. Otherwise there would be no rea- son why love should not appear as prominently in savagery as in an advanced state of civilization. Lovers are moved by a strong desire to be united, and when they embrace and kiss one another this desire is in some measure requited, and two per- sons of the same sex feel a similar satisfaction in em- bracing and kissing each other. But sensually ex- cited persons do not embrace and kiss each other, and they do not wish to live together. These facts are significant as contradictory to the theory ad- 48 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP vanced by some Darwinian psychologists, that the sexual instinct of animals is discernible in their "human descendants" when two lovers feel a vivid satisfaction in embracing and kissing one another; and in view of the facts here mentioned it may be readily surmised that this naturalistic conception of love is based on a superficial experience, and that the Darwinian theory of evolution is not applicable to the emotion of love. An idle brain may breed lascivious desires, but they never appear in the mind of a lover, for they cannot subsist in a mind controlled by the emotion of love. Any man who has loved a woman sincerely will admit this. There is no latent sympathy in lust and therefore no initiative to love there. Sympathy proceeds from a vital relation to some other being while lust shows selfishness in all its manifestations and a means to the gratification of a selfish desire can never be an incentive to love. However, the sexual desire may occasionally lead to love when the spiritual condi- tions are primarily present, as when on any oc- casion two persons happen to come in close contact with one another. In the connubial union there is nothing to hinder sexual intercourse, but that the felicity of matrimony can exist independent of the sexual passion may easily be verified. The sexual passion becomes very strong when in- cited and not sated, and in that condition it may conquer love, but under normal conditions it only supplements it and makes it more passionate. It LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 49 may act as a momentary stimulus on love, but it does not affect it in any other way. When a sensual desire is allayed the mind be- comes more receptive to the emotion of love, just as when a man becomes more generous when his stom- ach is filled with a good meal. But this is only a temporary effect, for he does not in fact become more generous by eating, and it cannot be asserted that his generosity and his appetite are vitally connected. Lust and pleasure are closely related, for lust im- plies a sensual pleasure; but there can be no love in it, and though there may be joy in love (the love of expansion), there can be no pleasure in it. In view of the here mentioned psychological facts it may be safely affirmed that there is no relation whatever between love and sexual desire and that the one may exist separate from and quite inde- pendent of the other. That Plato and later philosophers have tried to combine the two passions as two varieties of one passion can only be accounted for by the fact that the two passions find a common object in one person. Sensuality figures prominently in Greek mythol- ogy and is often characterized there as an active ele- ment in the sexual relation; but it was never con- founded with love. Eros (the god of love) has noth- ing in common with a Satyr, and even in this fabled being the sexual appetite could not be idealized in human form ; wherefore the Satyr was represented as half man and half animal. None of the great drama- tists and poets have confounded love and sensuality; 50 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP but they have made no attempt to separate them, and from their works it cannot be seen that they have conceived of them as two different passions. No at- tempt has ever been made to unite these two pas- sions in folk-lore and poetry, though the carnal union of the two lovers is often represented as a fitting climax to a fervent courtship. Love has an invigorating and inspiring effect on the human mind, and it sustains it in its spiritual development. The sexual desire, on the other hand, is a sensual phenomenon of animal vitaUty, closely related to the pairing instinct of animals, and as such it is essential to the increase and natural de- velopment of the human race. Both are vital fac- tors in the social evolution of mankind; but they are easily separated and in no manner vitally con- nected or related. And that the fundamentally dif- ferent emotions of love and sexual desire have be- come closely associated in the undeveloped mind of the masses can readily be accounted for by the assumption that love was primarily engendered by intimate sexual relationship. Furthermore, as the sexual desire is prior to and fundamentally stronger than the emotion of love, the moral development of the race requires that the sexual impulsion be made conformable to the ideals of morality — the supreme ideals of true hu- manity; for it cannot be permanently subdued, and when its impulsive power is not promptly resisted by a ruling morality, there is no mental power strong enough to resist and subdue it. LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 51 The power of sexual morality is developed in that early or intermediate period of life when the emo- tion of love appears only ephemeral and weak, while the sexual faculties are fully developed and insistent, and in that period the moral conscience becomes of particular consequence for the maintenance of pa- rental responsibility in the normal and natural in- terrelation of the sexes. Love is the most potent controller of sexual impulses at any period of vig- orous life. There can be no immorality in sexual intercourse if practiced within proper limits (and it may be illegitimate without being immoral). But these lim- its must be carefully guarded, protected and revered. For progress toward man's independence of his ani- mal nature is based on the general tendency to curb and subdue it. And that the necessity of moral con- straint in the sexual relation has been impressed on the consciousness of man through successive ages is shown in the institution of marriage, which is recog- nized, maintained, and protected by all civilized peo- ples, as a necessity for the preservation of sexual morality. Eroticism is not love, and no trace of it appears in true love. Its place is between lust and love, and it signifies a higher state of sexual dependency than the purely physical dependency; but it is void of sympathy and differs therefore essentially from sex- ual love. There is no erotic love, for the two emo- tions cannot combine and the one excludes the other 52 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP — though they may alternately dominate the mind, and an erotic predisposition may react on the deeper feelings and make love more passionate. The use of the two words impHes two distinct emotions, of which only one can be love. The vulgar idea of "two kinds of love" only proves a lack of under- standing of the true nature of love or an improper use of the words. Eroticism is an affection of the mind caused by the sexual instinct before it finds its proper consum- mation in conjunction with the other sex. It is pri- marily a mental excitation from certain physical conditions which react on the consciousness of man. In other words, it is impossible for an emasculated person to feel any erotic emotion. But though it is entirely dominated by physical conditions it is not distinctly sensual, and it is often impersonal. On the other hand, it is far removed from the emo- tion of love, which is not in the least dependent on physical conditions. Eroticism is probably as old as history. It does not appear in Egyptian mythology, but it is very prominent in Greek mythology, and less distinctly so in the Krishna cult of India. In the Greek and Roman world it found expression in many erotic abnormities, which probably reached their climax at the beginning of the Christian era. But in the Christianized countries of Europe sensuality in any form was regarded as incompatible with the ideals of Christianity, and as far as this sentiment pre- LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 53 vailed it prepared the way for the evolution of sexual love. The term "erotic" is properly applied to an emo- tion of the male sex, but it may be applied to a corresponding female emotion by the addition of some qualifying term, such as "female eroticism." However, the eroticism of woman is very different from that of man. This emotion cannot germinate or grow in the female mind, but it may appear there as a reflection of man's eroticism — as when an inert body comes in contact with a physical source of energy. At any rate, it is no part of the female mind, though a woman may occasionally simulate man's eroticism as a concession to his erotic pas- sion and a desire to please him, and she may accept it from her suitor as evidence of sexual affinity, not connected with the deeper feeling of love and quite inappropriate as a prelude to it. The erotic emo- tion may act as a stimulant on love when that emo- tion is weak or ephemeral, but pure love needs no such stimulant, and it cannot be a precursor or ini- tiator to it. Young persons are probably mutually attracted by sexual differences, and it is often observable in immature womanhood. This attraction adds to the pleasures of social parties and dances; but the sex- ual sympathy is quite independent of any erotic emotion. Most young women find some pleasure or satisfac- tion in playing with man's erotic emotion, and it seems quite natural; but it would be impossible for 54 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP a woman if she were affected by that emotion her- self, and there is no suggestion of it in her behavior. A habitual flirt, however, is only a rare exception, and she is, as a rule, a very prosaic and unemotional woman. It would probably be impossible for a woman to have any clear conception of eroticism, but if she could be induced to make an attempt at it, her an- swer or explanation would help to establish the fact, that the erotic emotion is wholly confined to the male sex.^ That a sort of eroticism may appear in a sickly or morbid state of mind is of no account in normal psychology, though it may have some special in- terest in abnormal psychology and for the observer of mental disease. Woman may feel the sexual impulse as strongly as man, but it will not excite any erotic emotion in the female mind. The sexual desire, however, im- plies an emotion of a lower order — a sexual emo- tion — which may appear in both sexes, though more prominently in man. While she may feel delight or pleasure by the gratification of it, she cannot feel * An exposition or definition of eroticism would be out of place here, but a very interesting discussion of it, based on historical facts, can be found in Emil Lueka's Eros. His treatment of it, however, is rather indefinite and too much poetically embellished for the sober and prosaic analysis of elementary psychology; and his tentative prognostication that a natural and synthetic con- nection between love and sexual desire may eventually become possible is not supported by common experience or the experience of common people. And our psychological evolution apparently proceeds toward differentiation — not a synthetic combination of fundamentally different impulses. LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 55 the pleasure of an erotic emotion even if she has some intuitive perception of it. Her feelings may- be divided between lust and love, but they never coalesce, though it may appear. possible in the imag- ination of an idealist or in the dreamy perception of a continent woman. A brother's love for, or sympathy with, his sister has its beginning before the sexual instinct is awake and is therefore prior to the erotic emotion, which as an inferior or non-sympathetic emotion cannot enter the sphere of love or replace it, and the con- genial relation between brother and sister is, there- fore, unaffected by it. Consequent to the romantic love of the middle ages there appeared in the cultured and refined classes a strong esthetic sentiment in favor of vir- ginity, and which sentiment is still very prominent as regards a condition of female "purity." It does not involve any sentiment of sympathy or love, but it has an erotic value for a large part of the male sex and a decided ethical value in the female mind ; and it will probably retain its esthetic value in poetry and wherever poetic or idealistic sentiments prevail. But it is also of some real value for the lover in so far as its absence in the young woman he loves is almost a certain indication that he would not be the only acceptable lover. It may lessen his admiration for her, but this would be of little mo- ment, for such admiration is born by a fanciful imagination, and that it does not survive the con- jugal union will probably be generally conceded. 56 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP Love in Ancient Greece. An unusual state of love existed in ancient Greece. The love of boys or young men was deemed far superior to the natural affec- tion between men and women, and in conjunction with admiration of the masculine virtues and phys- ical perfection it acquired great strength and vi- rility. The comparatively low mental condition of the female sex and the neglect of education for women was probably sufficient reason for this unusual affec- tion for young men among the intelligent and edu- cated citizens of Hellas. It may be considered as an incipient development of true love — not a degenera- tion. For while Hellas had advanced to a high state of mental culture, it was in other respects just emerging from a previous oriental state, in which love seldom appears outside the narrow limits of sexual and parental affection. From Plato's Sym- posium it appears that such love was common in the intellectual atmosphere of Athens, and that the love of women was relegated to an inferior state of society. From an esthetic admiration of the human body it often passed into a sensuous affec- tion, and such intercourse was not considered im- moral if the lovers were united by a bond of true love, and it was deemed proper and honorable to gratify any desire of a sincere lover. Such conduct and such principles would not find any sanction now; but this may be said of many other ethical conceptions of antiquity. It was customary in Hellas to leave the education of boys and young men to an LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 57 older person versed in science and art, and the rela- tion of pupil to teacher became more intimate than that of a father to his son. But it appears from the Symposium that such relations were not considered proper or desirable by aU parents.^ The following excerpts from the Symposium may serve as pointers to the Platonic conception of love and its ethical and legal scope in ancient Greece. "Love is inseparable from Aphrodite. There are two of them, the heavenly and the common" — "The heavenly Aphrodite is a daughter of Uranius the older, and has no mother. The younger Aphro- dite is of Zeus and Dione and called common." — ". . . and such persons, in the first place, love women not less than boys; they love the body rather than the mind." — "There is evil and hon- orable love: evil loves the body rather than the soul, ... he is inconstant, while the love of the noble mind is life-long." — "It is more honorable to love openly than in secret, and he is allowed by the law to do so without reproach as performing some *If we consider the Platonic society as a leading factor in the ethical culture at that time, it would appear from the Symposium that the public mind had just commenced to turn against pederasty. The fact that it could prevail for centuries becomes less perplexing when man is considered as an unnatural being. In the whole history of the race there cannot be found a single custom, mode of conduct or propensity which harmonizes with or may be compared with the natural mode of life of any animal, and we are therefore quite justified in placing man outside the general conception of nature. At any rate it would be quite impossible, in respect of man, to determine which custom, man- ner of living or habit should be 'considered as natural in contra- distinction from others to be termed unnatural. But it must be admitted, in deference to morality, that a deep feeling of loathing or disgust has made pederasty almost impossible in America. 68 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP very honorable act." — "For it does not seem to be sexual intercourse that the one should, for the sake of that, be delighted with the company of the other, and lay together by night." — "For when they are full grown such alone turn out men as regards political affairs. . . ." — "But when they have become men they feel a love for young persons, and do not turn their thoughts to marriage and child-getting natu- rally, but are led by the force of custom and law, although it would be sufficient for them to continue to live unmarried." — "In Jonia and many other places (where persons live under the barbarians) it is held to be dishonorable ... for it is not, I con- ceive, to the interest of the rulers that high thoughts should be engendered in their subjects, nor strong friendship formed, nor societies in common ; here the laws are placed on a better footing." — "The love of young boys should be forbidden by law." — "Secret love is dishonorable in Athens." — "A hasty attach- ment is held to be dishonorable."-:-"Your lover has an appetite and wants to feed upon you." — "They then, said Vulcan, who have a yearning according to the body, turn themselves rather to women and are in this way given to love affairs." — One of the debaters (a physician) remarks: "The great physi- cian is he who is able to separate fair love from foul, and convert one into the other." But he does not explain how it may be done. — (Vulcan to the lovers) "Do you desire to be as much as possible in the same place with each other, so as never, by night or day, to be apart from each other? If ye long for LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 59 this, I am willing to melt you down together, and to mold you into the same mass, so that ye two may become one. . . ." — Agatho says: "Mankind has never understood the power of love, for if they had understood him they would surely have built noble temples and altars and offered solemn sacrifices in his honor." — Diotima (Socrates) says: "There is no reason in love, he is a god of might or he is no god at all. Love is between mortal and immortal a great damon, an interpreter between man and god, by it all have been bound together into one." — "One wise in love is a damon-like man, neither beautiful, good or wise, still appears to himself all-suflBcient. . . ." — "Every one sees that love is a desire." — "The power of love is in the desire of personal beauty." — "That which is always flowing in is always flow- ing out, so he (love) is never either in want or in wealth. He is likewise in a middle place between wisdom and ignorance." — "Love is not, as you may imagine, the love of the beautiful alone." — "Love desires not only the good but the everlasting pos- session of the good." — "The lover will not brook any superiority or equality on the part of the be- loved, inferiority enhances the deHght of the lover." — "He (love) is not like the gods in possession of things good and fair, but he wants them and desires them, and so also deny the divinity of love." — ". . . born of a rich and wise father and a poor and ignorant mother." — "Like aU spirits he has no de- sire for that for which he feels no want . . . they love not what is their own but what is another's." 60 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP — "The lover of the beautiful is not himself beau- tiful." — "All humans yearn, as regards the body and soul ; and when they arrive at maturity nature longs to beget." — "For the begetting is through the con- nection of a man and woman. But this is a god- like act, and is in a mortal animal an immortal act." — "So that it is a necessity for love to be a lover of wisdom and for a lover of wisdom to be be- tween the wise and the ignorant." — ". . . but as re- gards the rest, we make an improper use of other names." — ". . . love is generation because it is a sort of eternity and immortality to the mortal, wherefor love is of immortality . . . love of immor- tality, fame and an eternal name." — It is necessary then from this reasoning, that there is a love like- wise of immortality." — "Artists even love, because lovers of all beautiful forms." — "But you may say generally that all desire of good and happiness is only the great and subtle power of love." — "But as regards the rest, we make an improper use of other names. One part of love is separated off and re- ceives the name of the whole, but the other parts have other names." — "Poetry is only applied to music and meter and called poetry, and so with love." — (Diotima to Socrates) "Do you not perceive how vehemently all brute animals are affected, when they feel such a desire to breed, both beasts and birds? How they are all sick and lovely disposed, in the first place to have a connection with each other; and afterwards to rear their offspring; and LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 61 how ready in their behalf the weaker are to fight against the strongest, and to die for them. ..." If we accept the Socratic part of the discussion as representing Socrates' conception of love it does not appear that he had discovered the true nature of it. His philosophical conception of this emotion seems altogether too general and indefinite, as em- bracing much for which other names may be used more appropriately and admitting of special defi- nitions. Nothing is gained by collecting different psychic phenomena under one nominal heading, to agree with some indeterminate scientific principle, or to comprehend them as different forms of one univer- sal conception. The psychologist should pay par- ticular attention to the metaphoric and comparative expressions used in common language, for there is not one of them which may not serve as a starting point and guide for individually distinct conceptions. The human language may be viewed as a compen- dium of human wisdom expressed in symbolic and compressed forms, and he who would improve upon it should not attempt it without a clear cognition of the soundness of his own premises. Between the time of Socrates and the present time the various emotions have become more distinctly differentiated, and the modern languages have made more distinct definitions possible. Admiration is not love ; we may admire beauty, strength, wisdom, etc., but we do not necessarily love a person en- dowed with fine qualities of mind or body, though 62 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP they may strengthen our love for him. We do not love a person because he is good, wise or beautiful, though we may enjoy his company. We may enjoy and desire many things which we do not love, but there is no love in enjoyment of any kind. There is no love in a desire for immortality or an eternal name. All desires of this kind are closely related to pride. It is nothing but an enjoyment of the imagination which is more satisfying than the very common emotion of pride, which certainly has noth- ing in common with love. "Desire" is a "natural longing to possess any seem- ing good." The desire of love implies a spiritual or supersensual want, or certain deficiencies in the lover's emotional nature and corresponding or com- plementary perfections in the personality of the be- loved one, and a strong desire to strengthen or re- plete such weakness or deficiencies in intimate as- sociation and converse with the beloved one. But in its more comprehensive meaning there is no im- plication of love in desire, or of any other emotion. A desire may be strong, passionate, burning, sexual or sensual, but it is not emotional per se. It is, however, discernible in all selfish emotions but not particularly prominent in love, and to consider it as a characteristic element in love would be unreason- able and confusing. The esthetic emotion caused by a sensual percep- tion of the beautiful was also included in the So- cratic conception of love, and this shows a complete misunderstanding of its essential nature; for though LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 63 this emotion may, as an accessory to love, tend to make it more passionate, it is in other respects quite independent of it. When the philosopher sees no reason in love he sees as much of it as anybody else is able to see there, but lack of reason makes an investigation or analysis rather hard for a mind which is full of rea- son. His argument in favor of animal love may have served as a prototype for all subsequent philosophi- cal and quasi-philosophical arguments on this sub- ject. The sexual instinct is highly developed in all animals, and in the higher species the maternal in- stinct is also very prominent. But there is no love in instinct, for love, like other emotions, can only appear in a conscious state, though it may have its root in an instinct. There may be an instinctive sympathy, but there is no instinctive love. Only by imagining the animal sympathy as human — or conscious — can such a thing as animal love appear in the mind of a philosopher when he ventures into the field of psychology. An emotion is not an ebullition of blind feelings but a characteristic and conscious state of the hu- man mind; and it is only by imagination that the emotional feelings are aroused. Can there be any imagination in the animal mind? Can a love which is hardly perceptible in primitive man be a control- ling force in the mind of an animal and show itself in its behavior? Can there be any love in the hen's care of its young chicks or in the cat's care for its 64 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP kittens? If you take one of them and kill it in sight of its mother she does not show any emotion at all, but a total indifference. Does that remind you of a mother's love? The only suitable answer to these questions is, that anything is possible for the human imagination — even for the imagination of a philosopher. But who would say that the ani- mals love their young ones? Even the philosophers themselves would not say so, for if they did they would be conscious of saying something which did not agree with the feelings and experience of com- mon people; and so it seems necessary, on that ac- count at least, to make some distinction between common sense and academic philosophy. It may, however, be asserted without fear of philosophical contradiction, that love, as we know it, does not exist outside the human race and its human ideals. Love of Country. There is a love of higher order, or more elevated, than common personal love. It is the love of country, of the fatherland. It may show the supreme nature of love even better than the love of the Christian faith, for it is more truly human, and it is also less changeable than personal love be- cause inspired by an unchangeable object. Being separate from baser emotions it may be viewed as a distinct psychic phenomenon, and thus its true character easily defined. The conception "Fatherland" implies an inde- pendent and self-regulating social union of all the people who live in the country where we are born LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 65 and brought up with its traditions, language, cus- toms and institutions, and where a certain national spirit has been dominant through centuries. It may also easily be shown that the preliminary requirements of love are present in the individual's relation to the country where he is born and has his residence. He has associated with its inhabi- tants and has become intimately acquainted with their manners, morals and special characteristics and the conditions of life prevailing there, and all these conditions have been effective in molding his thoughts, character and personality. He feels at home there, while outside it in other parts of the world different manners, customs and language make him feel the isolation of a stranger. As long as he resides in his own country he does not feel and is not conscious of his personal attachment to it. But it will be forcibly impressed upon him when he leaves it to seek a home or a dwelling place in some other part of the world. It is this subjective sympathy with the character and spirit of the fatherland which inspires a love for it. But no emotion appears in a passive or con- tented state of mind, it only arises under the stimu- lation of a desire or longing for its object, and in the case here considered it becomes very ardent in connection with the spirit of patriotism when the fatherland is in danger, and is made manifest in energetic action in defense of it, and thus it may be compared with the more common parental or sexual love or, poetically, with the love of children for their 66 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP mother. The subtile character of this love is not easily defined, but it has often been expressed in poetry, and it breathes through every national anthem. An example from common experience will show how this love is affected by material and social con- ditions: A young man is impelled to leave his na- tive country because the economic conditions there do not offer him the means of a comfortable exist- ence. He seeks a home in a foreign country, where he learns to speak its language and becomes familiar with the customs, manners, morals and ideals of the people living there, and he becomes intimately at- tached to this country. But he can still sympathize with the old country in its international affairs when it becomes involved in war with another country because he feels that its cause is just. But he is not disposed to fight and die for it, for his love has been transferred to the country where he has found a home and material welfare. His sympathy is with the old country, but he does not love it; for he is in no way dependent on it now, and where dependency is lacking there can be no love. On the other hand, when he lived in the old country he did not sym- pathize with it and he did not feel any dependence on it, for those feelings were submerged and dis- solved in his love. In time of war love of the fatherland is obscured by other emotions, as national pride, hate of the enemy, revengefulness and the passions of self-pres- ervation and independence; and it should be ob- LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 67 served that pure love never leads to action, if not combined with one or more inferior emotions. But in such combination it is the vital element and the primary source of action. Love of Occupation. When a man feels impelled to work for the support and comfort of his family there must be some love in his relation to them for the impulsion of duty must be inspired by love. But he may also be, and generally is, intensely in- terested in his work or occupation for its own sake independent of family ties, and the employment of his intellectual and bodily faculties in his occupa- tion may be of vital importance for his individual well-being and happiness, and when a man becomes absorbed in his work or business it may truly be said that he loves it. The bond between himself and his business is of a vital nature; for if it is cut by an unfortunate incident and he is separated from it a vital part of his interest in life is gone. A man with a business, trade or profession is partner in a living social organization, but without any occupation he is only an isolated individual of no account from a social point of view, and he has himself a distinct perception of this isolation. He is therefore in a deeper sense dependent on his business as a means of maintaining a sympathetic relation to humanity. The love of his work or occupation is therefore not essentially different from personal love, but it has a wider scope on account of its social and ethical character. It might be termed socialistic if that 68 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP term had not been used for a conjectural improve- ment of social and economical relations. The sympatic relation between a worker and his work is of vital importance for the progress and civilization of human society, for it is this sym- pathy that enables him to take a special interest in his work, and his capacity for it is thereby greatly increased. No detail is overlooked or neglected, and he becomes on that account a more efficient and useful worker than he possibly would be if he were only interested in it as a means of making a liveli- hood for himself and his family. In this, as in other forms of human activity, whether personal or social, an element of love is indispensable, for it is the vitalizing germ in all human endeavor. This intimate attachment to one's occupation is still more evident in scientific research and in the passion of inventors in their endeavor to produce something new and useful for the advancement of humanity. Self-interest is here combined with a vivid sympathy with the needs of humanity, and this combination has a most remarkable effect on the minds of men so engaged. It is shown in their unfaltering attention and devotion to the object of their endeavor, which in many respects resembles the emotion of true love. In the occupation of a painter or sculptor it often happens that the artist becomes enamoured in the creation of his genius ; but it is really his sympathy with the human feelings or emotions expressed in it which reacts on his own mind. Constant and ex- LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 69 elusive attention to his work makes it possible for such emotion to dominate his mind and inspire a feeling of love for its object. The occupation of an artist is primarily based on his own perceptions and sympathies, but in his struggle for recognition he must pay special attention to the public mind and its sympathetic bent; and thus his own sym- pathies become diversified. But when he becomes infatuated by a product of his art his sympathy with humanity ceases, and his career as a working artist is blocked. He cannot be so affected by the work of some other artist, for in his relation to that the element of dependency is lacking. It is only possible in his relation to a product of his own mind and art which represents his personal feelings, emo- tions and efforts — ^his own child, as it were. But as there can be no interchange of feelings between the artist and his work "adoration" would probably express the emotion of the artist more correctly than "love." The expression "self-love" may be found in dic- tionaries, but it is a misnomer and should not have been admitted there. We cannot love our own self, for all the necessary requirements of love are absent there. The first requirement is an interrelation be- tween two parties, and the second is some essential difference in their characters. None of these condi- tions are possible in self-love. But some unusual and abnormal condition may possibly permit the use of this expression. Namely, when a person imagines that he is something else than what he really is, 70 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP for in that case there may appear a sort of love be- tween the real and the unreal self. But such an un- usual illusion would not be recognized in common language; and the expression is never used there, though it may occasionally appear in literature. It may be hard, and sometimes impossible, to find an altogether suitable name, but a wrong and mislead- ing name should be avoided. ''Self-regard" would be a better name in this case, if less pleasing to the ear and otherwise not quite satisfactory. Love is entirely absent in any feeling of a non- emotional character; but if there be any emotion in self-regard it is the human and conscious temper of self-preservation, which may become very pas- sionate and emotional, but which is distinctly dif- ferent from love. "Self-love" is supposed to desig- nate a combination of selfishness with some moral elements, but this would be more correctly ex- pressed in "self-regard." So the difference between the two expressions can only be in some fine dis- tinction between their moral elements, and self-love cannot be defined in any way essentially different from the definition of selfishness. HATE AND HATRED Introductory Remarks. The energy of a human being is expended in efforts to improve the physical and spiritual conditions and resources of human life, which in itself is a continuous process of advance- ment, improvement and sustenance of the human self, (the spiritual part of man), and it is co-eval with human consciousness. This self is a compound of many different and semi-independent elements — virtually independent but vitally connected in a dynamic system. The spiritual and material ele- ments in this system are not distinctively separated ; though easily differentiated; and it is in the pre- dominant spiritual elements that human nature is revealed. Human nature is represented by, and composed of, the passions, which operate through and are made manifest in the emotions, wherein the energy of hu- man life finds its characteristic expression, while the protection and sustenance of the physical system is guided bv the human instincts and the senses. An emotion signifies a particular state of mind un- der conditions involving the personal welfare of man, physical or mental, either immediate or in sympathetic connection with other human beings. These conditions may be real or imaginary, but it 71 72 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP is only through the imagination that an emotion is awakened. A person without any imagination would be quite unemotional, but the presumption would be impossible, for as a function of human conscious- ness, imagination cannot be separated from it. Man is a social being and human beings cannot live in isolation. In such a state he would certainly be animalized, but he would not turn into an animal — he would simply cease to Uve when his store of spiritual energy had been exhausted ; for man is not a product of natural evolution, and the assumption of animal progenity is refuted by psychology. All higher emotions are co-eval with the conscious- ness of the self as a vital part of society — a moral consciousness; while the lower emotions pertain essentially to the individual self. For instance : love, hate, envy and pride would be classed with the higher emotions, while fear of personal safety, ava- rice and the sexual desire would be placed in the lower class of emotions. There is nothing in history or folk-lore to indi- cate that the lower passions and emotions were not as potent and active in antiquity as in later ages or at the present time. Neither is there anything to prove that their strength or power has diminished. If they do not appear so prominent and vigorous now this may be ascribed to the controlling power of a more developed judgment and wisdom, or the restraining influence of a higher civilization. But there is abundant evidence that the higher and sym- LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 73 pathetic emotions have become far more potent in later ages. That both the higher and lower emotions are readily excited and may become detrimental or in- jurious to the higher development of human life is unquestionable. If they be considered as manifes- tations of human energy, apart from their useful- ness, then they may indicate an excess of energy, which under the full control of reason would become useful; just as an abundance of potential force is the first condition required for a progressive evo- lution in any direction, but which may become de- structive or impeding when not controlled by a re- straining force. The Natural Function of Hate. According to the principle of pragmatism Hate is an emotion to pro- tect the integrity of the human personality and its social, national and racial affinities and relationship. Hatred has some of the characteristics of Hate, but it is not a distinct emotion, only an intensive feeling of dislike or aversion, or an inimical senti- ment. It appears in relations of an impersonal char- acter or those in which the personal safety or weU- being is not immediately involved. When we have a perception of another person's feelings or motives, and they have a pleasant or agreeable effect on us, we say that we sympathize with him, or like him, but if they have an opposite or painful effect we express it by saying that we do not like him; so the difference between sympathy 74 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP and antipathy is only a difference in our sympathetic feelings. But the emotion of Hate requires, as a prehminary condition, a feeling of dependence of its object, of the same nature as that of Love, but with this difference, that sympathy is replaced by antipathy, which makes dependence of the hated object repugnant and painful instead of pleasing. Against a person who can neither injure or benefit us, physically or morally, there is no need of pro- tection, and we cannot hate him. We cannot hate a person to whom we are not in a spiritual sense related, and though it is not impossible for us to hate a non-human being it only becomes possible by imagining some human characteristics in it. We could not hate a person with whom we cannot sym- pathize at all. Though we may imagine such a case it does not exist in reality; for the difference in in- dividuals is not in their real nature, but in more or less developed qualities, of which none are entirely lacking in any one of them, and in every human being we may find some characteristics which cor- respond with those of our own self. But what we hate is only those which under certain conditions may harm us and of which we have an intuitive per- ception. Our antipathy to some stranger may be designated as Hatred, but if we in any way be- come dependent of him our antipathy is changed into Hate. We cannot hate a person of whose character or disposition we have no knowledge or perception, but p,n imperfect knowledge is often supplemented by a LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 75 suspicious imagination, which is always ready to imagine unfriendly or hostile motives in the behavior or attitude of a stranger. This may excite our an- tipathy or hatred, and it proves that the human self is always ready to protect itself against any in- jury to its integrity or individuality, and that it will not allow itself to be exposed to it. We may hate a person whose actions or dispo- sition in no way affect our own self directly, but who shows an unjust or malicious disposition toward one of our dear ones. For our sympathy with the beloved person is intensified by our love for him, and in our imagination we may feel the pain of his emotion as keenly as in our personal experience of it. !, The sentiment of Hate is repellant, and it be- * | comes more strongly so when practical conditions make a complete separation from the hated object impossible, and under such conditions it becomes an- tagonistic by the slightest provocation. But it can- not be defensive where there is no notion of an at- tack, and it cannot be offensive without a motive, which proves the protective character of pure Hate. A lover is attracted to his object, but Hate serves to separate those of different mind and character who cannot live together and associate in a friendly and peaceful manner. We may designate Love as an active passion or emotion, but pure Hate is distinctly passive. We do not desire to harm the person we hate, but we do not wish him any luck, and we feel pleased and 76 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP satisfied when some misfortune befalls him. But the true character of Hate is shown most distinctly in the satisfaction we feel when the hated person dies; for when that happens his obstructive or de- structive influence on our personal integrity is defi- nitely removed, and when there is nothing left to stimulate the emotion of hate we cease hating — even in memory. It happens not infrequently that ardent love is changed into burning hate when a trusting lover perceives that the beloved one has deceived him or her by an insincere attitude or behavior. Love will then be displaced by scorn or despite, but if it was firmly rooted there remains a feeling of dependence of the false lover which may become quite unbear- able; and in such a case the emotion of Hate ap- pears as a countervail and the only effective means to free the mind of this painful feeling. But if the temper of hate is lacking in the character of the disillusioned lover he or she may decide to take the life of the false lover as the only means of es- cape from mental misery, and feels impelled to do this when the pain of mental dependency becomes quite unbearable. When the slayer is tried and con- victed in a court of justice he or she is, as a rule, acquitted or exculpated of criminal intent, and this would appear concordant with the psychological ex- planation of the case as here presented. Sympathy cannot be the cause of hate, but it does not exclude envy, which is occasionally shown in LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 77 rejoicing when a minor misfortune befalls the ob- ject of our sympathy. This envy, however, is not malicious. But it is concerned with another per- son's happiness or contentment when it interferes with our sympathy for him and leaves it deficient. It has been characterized as malevolent sympathy; but this is misleading, for sympathy is merely a directing force, which cannot assume a malevolent character. There are, however, some persons who will not hesitate to harm a comrade, near relative or associate just for the satisfaction of feeling a more vivid sympathy for him, and such action may cer- tainly be characterized as malicious. While hate protects the individual self, it also pre- vents any communion with the hated person and thus a knowledge of that part of his character and personality which otherwise would excite the hater's sympathy. But attraction and repulsion are prob- ably complementary parts in man's social relation- ship, where love and hate appear as predominant emotions. For it is only by practical limitations that any perfection becomes possible, and it would be idle to presume an anomaly in the constitution of human nature. Hate is distinguished from other higher emotions by a total lack of sympathy, and the passivity of pure hate is a natural consequence of this. But in its combination with inferior emotions this passiv- ity turns into an aggressive activity — except in com- bination with disgust, which acts with hate as an 78 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP impelling power in the opposite direction — as in de- fensive opposition to a disgusting non-human being.^ Hate in Combination with Other Emotions. Like other elemental emotions Hate remains passive if not reenforced by some inferior emotion, as, for in- stance, in combination with fear, jealousy, envy, pride, disgust and revengef ulness ; and in combina- tion with any of these hatred is converted into the stronger emotion of hate. Hate and repugnance are not very different emo- tions, and they are the only ones which cannot under any condition enter the sphere of love. Hate is not in itself a violent emotion, and merely as a protective emotion it cannot become aggressive, but it may easily become so in conjunction with other emotions. If we fear and hate a person our hate may by the shghtest provocation overcome our fear and become active, and in that state we feel impelled to protect ourselves by active resistance or violent aggression. A combination of hate and pride produces a viru- lent antagonism and leads to revengef ulness ; for wounded pride is exceedingly sensitive and it be- comes more so when the wound is inflicted by a hated person. Hostility is not in itself an active emotion, and it ^The mature and active mind is always dominated by some passion, which will remain dominant until it has become less affec- tive, and it may then be replaced by some other passion which in the meantime has gained siifficient strength to be the con- trolling one. LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 79 does not exclude sympathy; but in conjunction with hate and hatred it becomes active and merciless. A combination of hate and jealousy has a similar effect. But jealousy of love is a stronger emotion than hate, and when they combine it absorbs the hate and becomes itself so virulent and unbearable that it finds reUef only in the death of the hated rival. Disgust is a much stronger emotion than hate, and when they combine hate is submerged and dis- gust is changed into a pitiful abomination — not merely repellent, but which compels the affected person to avoid the hated object, and the protective power of Hate becomes void in this combination. Evolution of Hate. Love and hate are sympathetic emotions of the highest order. They do not ap- pear as distinct emotions before the sympathetic faculty has been sufficiently developed, and in their further development they appear as concomitant psychic functions, and as such they probably would appear far beyond the era of ancient history. To a casual or superficial observer Hate may appear pre- dominant long before the appearance of Love as a distinct emotion, but this assumption would cer- tainly rest on a misconception of hate. There is nothing to prove, and it cannot in a single instance be assumed that hate was the primary cause of an- tagonism and warfare in remote antiquity, and it never has been the only or effectual cause of war. Greed, revenge, the craving of political self-determi- 80 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP nation, power, conquest and expansion, fierce relig- ious sentiments and national pride are more potent emotions than hate; and hate has not appeared, even as a contributary cause of warfare, in an age or country where Love had not a contrary effect. Ferocity, revenge and greed are predominant mo- tives to war among savages, but these emotions exclude Hate, and savages cannot hate.^ All real progress, in any direction, is made under the guidance of some ideal conception, some idea of perfection visualized by the human mind, and man accomplishes nothing great if his thoughts and efforts are not directed by some ideal, and guided by an idealistic vision he steers in the direction best suited for the utilization and development of his moral and practical faculties. This is equally true of personal, ethical and reUgious ideals, and therein lies the moral necessity for individuals and nations to pro- tect their ideals against impairment or defilement in contact with inferior or divergent ideals. From this viewpoint the primary cause of all hate may be traced to the interference of different ideals — just as the evolution of love proceeds primarily from a sympathetic correlation of ideals. It also becomes evident from this viewpoint that hate and love cannot appear as distinct emotions * The characterization .of hate as here presented is universally applicable, but it may appear more convincing when applied to a special case which at the present time is agitating the public mind. Thus in the national relation of Ireland to Great Britain we may observe all the potential conditions of Hate, as a verifica- tion of the principles here stated; and I also think they are en- titled to consideration from a political standpoint. LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 81 at an early stage of moral and social evolution; for they must follow the evolution of ideals which first appear in a more developed state of social con- sciousness.^ Love and hate may be viewed as opposite but fun- damentally conjugated emotions, and though, in the light of history and anthropology, hate may appear as antecedent to love, it must be considered as co-eval with it from the more reliable point of view of psychology. Race Hatred. When we have an opportunity to observe the manners and habits of a stranger we usually form an opinion regarding his character, and after a closer acquaintance with his personality we may find it more repellent than attractive. This will certainly happen if he belongs to another race, for we cannot sympathize with those characteristics which are not developed in our own personality. Thus it happens that antipathetic sentiments which separate us from individuals of another race may determine our disposition toward the entire race, and this is the feeling which engenders race- hatred. But it only does so when our personal wel- fare is directly involved; as when we in any way become dependent on a person whom we do not like or cannot sympathize with; and between dif- *Love and hate are fostered by innate dissimilarities in the personal character which are more developed in the Western than in the Oriental character. But sympathy is an equally cogent factor, and neither hate nor love can prevail where the sympathetic faculty is but little developed. 82 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP ferent races this can only happen when they come in social contact with each other and become con- junctively involved in industrial and economic af- fairs — for no more knowledge of other people's char- acter and ideals can excite hatred to them. The racial antipathy develops readily into hatred when a great number of an alien race have settled among the natives and have formed communities or are segregated in groups where they may preserve their racial habits and language. But they must necessarily participate in the common commercial and industrial life of the country wherein they dwell and make their living, and by this unavoid- ably become involved in rivalry and competition with the native population, and especially with the working class. Under these conditions the race- hatred may become greatly excited, and in con- junction with the elemental temper of self-preserva- tion it becomes quite irresistible, and finds expres- sion and relief in a fierce antagonism. Thus hatred is overmastered by a more virulent emotion which demands the utter destruction of the hated rivals, and in that respect it differs from pure hate which only desires it. The excesses of a race war — like mob-violence in general — often be- come exceedingly cruel, because a strong emotion is greatly increased and intensified by the sympathetic interaction of aggregated individuals. While a friendly disposition toward an alien race may occasionally find expression among the more prosperous citizens and others who, for various rea- LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 83 sons, are exempt from competition with them, it is in the large laboring class that the aliens find their most uncompromising adversaries : the mere increase in their number will increase the animosity of the natives against them, and they are always hated most by those who have felt the disadvantage of competing with the more frugal and easier satisfied workers of an alien race, who have not learned to appreciate the comforts and luxuries which have be- come necessities at a more advanced stage of civi- lization. The United States of America is inhabited by va- rious races, which have settled in groups and com- munities in different parts of the country, where they preserve their racial characteristics. Under these conditions the true character of race-hatred may be observed, and it often develops into a malignant antagonism. It is characteristic of racial antipathy that it prevents intermarriage between the races, while a difference in nationality has but little effect on the sexual relationship. Jealousy and hatred are often smoldering in the national sentiment toward some other nation, and this makes it easy to start a war between them; but it requires some special provocation to start it, for otherwise the fear of the consequences of war would prevent either party from making the first step. After the weaker nation has been forced to accept the terms of the stronger one it is not ex- posed to another attack, and where there is no fear the most powerful incentive to hate has disappeared. 84 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP National hatred is therefore always abated after a war, though reminders of the cruelties of war may keep a rancorous feeling alive for many years after. For the same reason a powerful nation cannot hate a weaker one; but the egotism in nationalism is re- vealed when a weaker nation is reviled or blamed for making armed resistance against the aggression of a superior power. History shows that a difference in religious faiths often has been the cause of a malicious hatred of adjoining nations and has occasioned many relent- less wars. For instance, the holy wars of the Mo- hammedans in the seventh and eighth centuries ; the wars of the Crusaders from the eleventh to the thir- teenth century; the wars of Charlemagne in the eighth and ninth century and the thirty-years war in the seventeenth century. In the medieval ages the religious faith had become a matter of prime im- portance to the people and as dear to them as Ufe itself; such ideals have lost much of their vitality in later centuries, but a common provocation to in- ternational wars may still be found in the vitality of national ideals. For though nations do not go to war to protect their ideals, there is but little prob- ability of a war between nations whose religious and political ideals are essentially alike ; but the opposi- tion of ideals appears most distinctly between the various races — as between the Arian and Semitic races, the Mongolian and Caucasian races and the Teutonic, Gallic and Anglo-Saxon races. LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 85 Hatred to the Jews. Wherever Jews have settled in great numbers a very general hatred of this race is observable. It often assumes a harsh or vicious character and may then lead to concerted assaults on the crowded Jewish settlements with indiscrimi- nate slaughter of men, women, and children. Rec- ords of such outrages may be found in the history of all ages since the time of the Jewish dispersion, and in some countries, even in latter days, they are not uncommon. The reUgion of the Jews and a tenacious adher- ance to their traditional habits and customs sepa- rate them from the nationality of the country where they live; but everywhere may be found sects and societies which in religious and social customs 4il:^ fer from the common people of the country and which excite no hatred or antipathy toward them. The hatred to the Jews must, therefore, originate in a more deeply rooted feeling. It may be explained as race hatred, but this in itself explains nothing if its true character is not fully understood. A close observer will find in the activities and dis- position of the Jews generally marks of a persistent race character, and its permanency is attested in the history of the race and is shown implicitly in all the stories of the Old Testament. The following characteristics appear prominently there : abstinence and plain living, a religious adherence to old laws and customs; a pious mind; a peaceful disposition and a sedulous attention to business. In moral and ethical conceptions they show greater uniformity 86 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP and constancy than the Arians generally, and they are less emotional. Cheating and deceiving are viewed by the Jews as stealing, but their conception of honesty is narrower and less altruistic. They are great opportunists and feel quite justified in and are ready to take profits without regard to conventional or moral restrictions; and this excites a popular hatred to them without regard to the sympathetic elements in their character. In all trading and bargaining it is absolutely nec- essary to pay strict and exclusive attention to one's own advantage or gain; for apart from selfishness, it is the only safe rule, and as the majority of Jews are engaged in trading, it may have had a deleterious effect on their character. But it may also be gath- ered from their history that the Jewish sense of righteousness or honesty does not agree in all points with that of Christian ethics. However, conscien- tious loyalty in the performance of commercial and financial obligations is characteristic of the Jewish business ethics. In their business activity the Jews find that full- ness of life which makes it worth living, and it is their natural aptitude for business which makes it pos- sible. There are also many Christians whose inter- est in life is centered in their business, but they have also many ideal conceptions which are lacking in the Jewish mind. Their want of imagination makes the Jews well fitted for business and practical af- fairs, in so far as it saves them from the many errors and deceptions of a more imaginative mind; and it LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 87 is mainly for this reason that Jews of all times have been more successful in the acquisition of wealth than the Christians generally. But the Jews are also distinguished by a natural intelligence, more com- mon than in other races, and it has contributed greatly to their commercial successes. As a rule they do not show adaptiveness for extensive busi- ness operations, and they engage mostly in enter- prises based on long-established precedent, but per- sonally and with a single partner they succeed bet- ter than other races. It cannot be said of a Jew that he is a shrewd business man ; but a clear under- standing of business principles is of more conse- quence in all honest trading than refined cleverness or smartness, and the vulgar distrust of the Jews is caused by the suspiciousness of the working class toward all traders. Trading, the exchange of com- modities, is a fundamental necessity in human so- ciety. It has become the almost universal means of human intercourse, and no social progress is pos- sible without it. The Jews can find a congenial oc- cupation wherever commercial trading has super- seded the primitive barter, and they can make a living of it almost in any part of the world; which in itself may account for the wide distribution of the race. A sentiment of solidarity or "brotherhood" is char- acteristic of the Hebrew race. Wherever they have settled in any number they have established syna- gogues, schools and charitable institutions in their own community, and there are many Hebrew asso- 88 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP ciations in every large city. By such means their settlements have become, to some extent, auton- omous. While this may have many social advantages it also tends to separate them from the nationality of the country where they live, and under such conditions any national sympathy can hardly be expected. When the sentiments and emotions of the com- mon people are affected by fixed religious beliefs and dogmas an aversion to the religion of the Jews may greatly increase the hatred to them; but it would not vanish if all the Jews were Christianized; which is evidenced by the fact that it remains in those countries where religion has lost its power and its significance for the majority of the common people. The persistent hatred to the Jews must be at- tributed to a difference in ethical ideals which have become fixed in the subconscious mind of the Chris- tianized nations, and which have a directive effect on their thoughts and aspirations, without regard to religious ideas and sentiments. In the Arian race a freer spiritual tendency, independent of material advantages, is leading to freer and continued prog- ress, and the hope of better conditions, both ma- terial and spiritual, is a necessity for them. If their higher ideals should become stunted or ineffective in competition with the materialistic and less in- spiring Hebrew ideals the progression of human life would cease, and would eventually settle at the LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 89 level of Hebrew ideals. But there is nothing more intolerable for human beings than a regression to a lower level of life ; for human life consists only in progress, and retrogression means death. The peoples of the Arian race have an instinctive pre- monition of this and a vague apprehension of what would happen if the Jews became dominant in the practical affairs of life, and therein lies a deeper in- centive to the common hatred to the race — ^which also is shown in the common aversion to social con- nection with it. When a nation is involved in war the hatred to the Jews may become very keen, because at such time the public attention is directed to the absence of patriotic fervor among the Jews, and its effect on the patriotic spirit of the Arian population in con- junction with the persistent race hatred may lead to a malicious antagonism, which often culminated in merciless pograms. As a sociologic phenomenon it is explained by the fact that one of the great Arian ideals is expressed in patriotism which is distinctly opposed to the non-patriotic (not unpatriotic) dis- position of the Jewish mind. A practical solution of this perplexing sociological problem would seem possible if the Jews were seg- regated as an independent nation, for then all hatred to them would disappear. But while this may ap- pear as a happy solution from a Christian point of view, it may not appear so to all Jews; for they do not hate the Christians, and they have nothing to 90 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP lose in close association with them, and they can gain much material comfort in commercial inter- course and competition with them.^ *A complete and comprehensive elucidation of the psychology of the "Jewish Question" would require its presentation both from a Jewish and a Christian point of view, and conjunctively the two vievB would help to an impartial understanding of it. FRIENDSHIP AND FRIENDLINESS Friendship must be classed with the simple and primitive emotions, and it is certainly much older or earlier developed than Love and Hate. It is also less selfish than love; though the fact that inferior, impure or adulterated varieties of it may also be termed friendship makes the popular conception of it broader and less definite than that of love and hate. However, friendship does not mean merely a friendly relation to some person, not any more than love means a sympathetic relationship, nor does it imply an ideal conception of some impossible rela- tion between human beings, for pure and perfect friendship is not impossible though it may be of little avail to seek it among men and women gener- ally, or in human life under prevailing social condi- tions. In a psychological investigation it is of no moment whether pure friendship (or any other emotion) ap- pears as a distinct "emotion" under the prevailing conditions of human life; for when the nature and true character of an emotion is clearly represented by an ideal conception of it its peculiar influence and effect in combination with other emotions or any sentiment may readily be discerned, and it is only in combinations with other emotions that any 91 92 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP simple emotion can become an efficient factor in the practical affairs of human life. Mental and temperamental similarity is a neces- sary condition of friendship in the same sense as dissimilarity is a fundamental requirement of love. Not equality in the mental faculties and powers but a correspondence in the deeper affections and pro- pensities. Why do we value friendship so highly? Why do we grieve by losing it? Why do we appreciate, cul- tivate and enjoy it? What do we gain by it? Why do we become attached to a friend? Or briefly: What is the specific character of the selfish element in friendship? It is not company we desire, for we may associate with various persons and enjoj'" their company in a social way without being attached to them as friends, and to answer the last and essential question prop- erly will require a somewhat subtle analysis of the primitive sympathetic craving in the nature of man. It is primarily revealed in the satisfaction we feel in observing the good qualities of our own person- ality in the personality of another person, for as con- stituent parts of our own self we cannot observe them and appreciate them. But when we find them in the personality of a friend we have an opportunity to observe and appreciate them; and thus the better part of our own nature — the "human" part — gains an opportunity to expand outside its individual lim- its. We feel an agreeable or joyous exultation in this personal expansion, and the emotion of friend- LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 93 ship is inspired by this feeling and a desire to main- tain it unimpaired. But considering friendship in this light it must be admitted that it is of a lower order than love, for it does not, like this emotion, become effective in the development and improvement of the per- sonal character — though it may serve to preserve and mature it. Friendship betokens a mild emotion, and many combinations with other emotions is possible. In all such combinations it retains its true character but suffers various modifications in respect of inten- sity, purity and constancy. Love supplants it, and hate and repugnance displaces it, but enmity ex- cludes it unconditionally. Jealousy overshadows it. Pity intensifies it, but envy weakens it. Fear and Admiration subdues it, but Grief, Mortification and Anger purifies it, and Remorse rejuvenates it. Joy vitalizes it. Pride removes it and Generosity sur- mounts it. Duty supersedes it, but Insincerity de- stroys it and Disloyalty impairs it. Friendship may develop into love and love may degenerate into friendship, but they cannot exist as coordinated emotions, much less as complemen- tary parts in a mixed emotion. This will appear self-evident from the analysis and definitions here presented and in the first chapter on love. But some writers seem to have no clear conception of the fundamental difference in their nature, for they make use of the words "Love" and "Friendship" in- discriminately, as if they represented two phases or 94 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP varieties of the same emotion. The use of the two words offers in itself evidence of two independent conceptions, but such writers seem not to recognize this simple fact, or prefer to ignore it. Perhaps a fuller conception of Friendship may be had by comparing it with Love and noting their dif- ferent effects and characteristics : A constant friend- ship between a man and a woman is possible but rare, while Love is far more general between men and women. Mutual dependence is a necessary con- dition of personal love, while any feeling of depend- ency is inimical to friendship, and an assumed or imposed obligation becomes a serious obstacle to it. Love is only satisfied by a complete union, while friends, as a rule, have no desire for cohabitation; and they cultivate their friendship more safely by occasional attention to and discussion of their com- mon interests and sympathies. Love is active, rest- less, insinuating, desirous, but friendship is restful, satisfying, gratifying, content. Some disagreement is unavoidable in the connubial union, and harmon- ious peace cannot endure there without the exer- cise of some forbearance and resignation; but in friendship there is rarely occasion for any dissen- sion, and forbearance is but seldom needed in the intercourse of friends. Friendship may, however, be considered from a somewhat different point of view, and it may be quite reasonable to do so; for in the great majority of cases it does not appear so pure and perfect as here assumed, and in its popular aspect it does not LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 95 present the distinct character of an emotion, but rather that of a sentiment or disposition, and this conception of it may be more correctly expressed in the following observations: — Love is never quite satisfied but is sustained by incessant motion, while friendship is quiet and unaffected by desire. Friend- ship may be renewed or revived by attention or service, but lost love cannot be restored by such means. — A loan of money or property to a friend will produce a feeling of obligation, and if the lender does not make a special effort to eliminate this feeling it will certainly tend to weaken the bond of friendship; but a loan to the beloved one will strengthen the bond of love, and it may be canceled or repaid by love. — One may be grateful to a friend for service rendered, but there is no gratefulness in love. One may help a friend but two lovers help each other. There are many degrees of friendship, but there is no gradation in love. One may enjoy friendship, but there is no pleasure in love. One may admire a friend, but there is no admiration in love. Friendship is less intense than love, and, as a rule, he who has many friends is more liberal and has a more adaptable personality than he who has only one; and this makes his Ufe and activity in social affairs of more consequence. Although ideal friendship would be quite inde- pendent of social relations and positions it cannot assume this exalted character under prevailing social conditions, for the sympathy of friendship is not ab- solutely personal. It has some regard to the social 96 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP position or the occupation of its object; which be- comes evident when we consider the possibility of intimate friendship between persons in different social positions or occupations. It would be a rare exception, if not quite impossible between the King and a plain citizen ; an officer of the army and a hos- pital attendant or a butler; a bank president and a farm hand; a school teacher and a horse dealer; a missionary and a stock broker ; a college professor and a 'longshoreman; a shop girl and a society woman; and thus it appears that the absolute sub- jectivity of love is not so characteristic or cogent in friendship; and the reason for this appears plainly when the fundamental conditions of friendship are considered. Although friendship is inspired by the good and moral qualities, which are superior to those which find expression in the lower or selfish emotions, it is not affected by moral impulses and is otherwise quite independent of morality. But it is concerned with those qualities which make individual man an efficient member of organized human society, and which becomes possible only by its separation in classes or social strata. But the personality of in- dividuals on different levels of the social structure is to a great extent shaped or modified by their social position or occupation, and friendship requires above all an essential similarity in personality. As friendship is primarily based on predominant qualities in one's own mental constitution it follows that when other qualities or sentiments become the LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 97 ruling ones there a friendly relationship cannot be maintained unless a corresponding change has taken place in the sentiments of the other party which would be a very improbable case; and any change in the sentiments of one of the friends would impair the friendly feelings of the other party. But this is what may and often does happen when friendship is formed before the mind has been fully developed, or if affected by exterior conditions of consequence to one's personal welfare. And thus the much bewailed transitoriness of friendship may be accounted for and justified. There is one condition, prevalent in human affairs, which must exclude friendship absolutely, even when all its fundamental conditions are pres- ent. All the various aspects of this condition are collectively represented in the term "competition," but more specifically in "rivalry" and "emulation." Consider how impossible friendship would be in a case where two persons are courting the same woman, or between those who strive for some coveted or social position, or between merchants or traders dealing in the same commodities and cater- ing to the same customers. The sentiments pro- voked under these conditions are inimical to friend- ship and will prevail in a contest with it ; for friend- ship implies a mild emotion which cannot prevail against the innate temper of self-preservation and emulation, which is always strong and passionate. The same may be said of all sympathetic emotions except love, which often has shown its power to 98 LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP overcome the primitive self-preserving impulse and its emulous offspring. Jealousy is a strongly selfish emotion, and we are jealous of our friendship, and by thus perceiving a selfish element in friendship its emotional nature is disclosed; for selfishness is a necessary and char- acteristic element in all the stronger emotions (and in a less degree in the mild ones), and they always appear at a conjunction and interaction between the selfish and the social or sympathetic mind. Friendlmess. True friendship is emotional and implies an "emotion," but friendliness is a sentiment or a disposition and is quite unemotional (as all sentiments are).^ Its moral character and univer- sality make it of great consequence in the develop- ment of social relationship, and it is an efficient factor and invaluable aid in the maintenance and improvement of commercial and political relations. Acting as a softening and liberating agent on the cautious reserve of strangers, and by inspiring con- fidence and good will, it helps to promote both pri- vate and social intercourse and mutual interests. Every business-man has a keen perception of its practical value; and who would understand this bet- ter than /le who constantly comes in commercial *When we do not think of the beloved one or our enemy we neither Jtove nor hate them, nor do we feel any friendship when we do not pay any attention to it, but we are seized by an emo- tion as soon as we commence to think of the beloved one, our friend or our enemy. LOVE, HATE AND FRIENDSHIP 99 contact with men and women in various social posi- tions and very different personalities? But considering friendship and friendliness from the viewpoint of rational psychology there is no vital connection between them discernible, and no similarity, except in their names, which is easily explained by a certain similarity to friendship in the attitude of friendly persons. But a radical differ- ence may be discovered in the fact that friendliness, or even the attitude of friendhness, would appear absurd or offensive, in the intimacy of true friends. 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