PRICE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS >44 D6 ^ 2&P M ^^ (^ i ^ ^ ^ 5^ i 919 1 1 ^ fS^ g B ^^ 1 8 1 5^^ m 5^ ^^ DR. UMPS 1 S m fr*l 1 m A FARCICAL PRESCRIPTION IN ONE DOSE BY Erastus Osgood scS 1 1 i 1 ^ ^ ^ ^ 1 1 |«^ ^ 1 1 1 1 i SS vK S^ ^C ^ ?SK r^ K%! ^^ ^1 g^ ^ * y*> i ^x ^ 1 1 1 1 i ^ ^ 1 i ?5s W ^ Ivv g^ 9*^ ^(^ ^ 1^ «^^ ^f y^ ^ il ^ 1 p ^ 1 S 1 B ^& ^ K®^ vvy i ^ ^ 1 1 ^ Uf ^6 ^ ^(^ ?S( ©« ^^ ^^ p{^ ^ ^ I (Me, i ^'^ 1 1 S 8 ^^1 ?5b 1 1 1 ^ ^ Fitzgerald Publishing Corporation SUCCESSOR TO DICK & FITZGERALD ^ i Ss M t ^ ^ ^ ^ 1 1 i ^ S^ ^^ ^f^ i ^ 1 K«l 1 1 1 1 1 i ^ p>| ^ ^ 1 1 PLAYS FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY J5 CENTS EACH w CBANFORD DAMES. 2 Scenes; 1^ hours, ....s.. ............. 8 GERTRUDE MASON, M.D. 1 Act; 80 minutes.. ....«,,*. .o.. T CHEERFUL. COMPANION. 1 Act; 25 minuteB..».,=.......c^ 2 LESSON IN ELEGANCE. 1 Act; SO minutes 4 MAIDENS ALL FORLORN. 3 Acts; IJ^ hours................ 6 MURDER WILL. OUT. 1 Act; 30 minutes. .,-.»,,.»«..,..., o... e ROMANCE OF PHTLLIS. 8 Acts; 1^ hours.......... 4 SOCIAL. ASPIRATIONS. 1 Act; 45 minutes...., » 8 OUTWITTED. 1 Act; 20 minutes ,c... 8 WHITE DOVE OF ONEIDA. 2 Acts; 45 minute* 4 SWEET FAMILY. lAct;lhour 8 BELLES OF BLACKVILLE. 1 Act; Shourg 80 PRINCESS KIKU. (85 cents) 18 RAINBOW Ba:MON A. (85 cents.) 2 Acts; 1^ hour • f MERBY OLD MAIDS. («5 cents.) Motion Song, 11 PLAYS FOR MALE CHARACTERS ONLY 15 CENTS EACH APRILFOOLS. 1 Act; 80 minutes ., 8 BYRD AND HURD. 1 Act; 40minntes , « DARKEY WOOD DEALER. 1 Act; 20 minutes.... 8 WANTED, \ MAHATMA. 1 Act; 30 minutes................ 4 HOLY TERROR. 1 Act; 30 minutes .,............*...... 4 MANAGER'S TRIALS. 1 Act; 1 hour ,. « MEDICA. 1 Act; 35 minutes..... , f NIGGER NIGHT SCHOOL. 1 Act; 30 minutes ....,,.... « SLIM JIM AND THE HOODOO. 1 Act; 30 minutes........ 6 WANTED. A CONFIDENTIAL CLERK. 1 Act; 30 minutes ft SNOBSON'S STAG PARTY. 1 Act; 1 hour 12 PICKLES AND TICKLES. 1 Act; 20 minutes.. . , 8 HARVEST STORM. 1 Act; 40 minutes 10 CASE OF HERR BAR ROOMSKI. Mocli Trial; 2 hours... 28 DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. Mock Trial. 22 GREAT LIBEL CASE. Mocls Trial; 1 Scene; 2 hours 21 RIDING THE GOAT. Burlesque Initiation; 1 Scene; 1^ hours 24 FITZGERALD PUBLISHING CORP'N, IS Vesey St., N. Y. DR. UMPS 'A FARCICAL PRESCRIPTION IN ONE DOSE By ERASTUS OSGOOD Author of "The Commodore," "The Harvest," "Tom's Money," "Standing Room Only," Etc. Copyright, 1919, by Fitzgerald Publishing Corporation FITZGERALD PUBLISHING CORPORATION Successor to DICK & FITZGERALD 18 Vesey Street New York /^j^ DR. UMPS CHARACTERS John Mardin A grouch Marjory A strategist Dr. Umps An experiment Gregory Small A success Time. — The Present. Locality. — ^Fairville, N. Y. Time of Playing. — About forty minutes. COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS As described at entrance of each character. INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES "Watch, slippers and smoking- jacket for John. Hand- bag, atomizer, trick thermometer, saw, knives, a pair of forceps, vial and afghan for Dr. Umps. Revolver for Small. STAGE DIRECTIONS As seen by a performer on the stage, facing the audi- ence, D.R., signifies door right ; d.l., door left ; up, toward the rear of the stage ; down, toward the footlights. StP 2? !9I3 Qci. 52887 /n4 ' DR. UMPS SCENE. — Home of the ^Iardins. Doors r. mid l. Win- dow in center of rear flat. Desk up r., on ivliich is a clock, hands pointing to five o'clock, writing-pad and pencils, envelopes and paper in pigeon-lioles. Box containing stamps. Sidehoard down r., on wJiicli is a decanter and red and green glasses. Easy- cliair R. Table c. Box of cigars. Sofa at l. Trick teleplione on hack ivaJl. Hat-tree. Screen. DIS- COVERED Marjory embroidering doily on lioop. She laughs quietly to herself. Glances up at clock. Rises, goes over and tur^is hands of clock back an liour. Then, as if seized with a sudden thought, takes from pigeo'n-hole in desk two envelopes, ad- dresses and stamps them. Again laughs. Goes back to seat and takes up fancy-work. ENTER D.L. John. He is a good-looking young man, dressed for street, hat, overcoat, gloves, etc. John. Hello ! Supper ' bout ready ? Marjory. Why, no, dear — not at this hour. John. What's the matter with the hour? (Consult- ing ivatch) It's — the fool thing has stopped. But it must be (Glanciyig at clock) Is it onlj^ four o'clock? Marjory. That little clock is generally reliable, dear. John. And I thought / was, — but I don't know. (Goes over and hangs top-coat and hat on tree. Throws himself in easy -chair r. J Marjory. Been working hard? John. Huh, huh. Marjory. I too have had a busy day, just sat down to put the finishing touches on this 3 j| Dr. Umps John (sneering). Dish-rag. Why you want to waste your time on such truck Marjory (resentfully). Why, John, it's a lovely doily I am working for mother. Isn't the pattern pretty? (Holds it up) John. Huh, huh. (Nasty laugli) You are always working something or somebody, and I am generally on the receiving end. Marjory (starting up indignantly). How can you be so horrid and cross. (Tlien drops into inock anxiety , sliakes Iter Jiead sadly) You can't be feeling well. (Half aside) It is as I feared. John. Holy smoke ! What 's the matter now ? That 's the second time to-day I 've been told, (Imitating snarly voice) ''You can't be feeling well." Old Bunker at the office began droning that line of talk. It gives me a pain. Marjory (goes over to desk, picks up pad, writes a line). I dare say Mr. Bunker is irritating at times, (Gravely) but doubtless sincere. (Siglis) John. Irritating! He gives me the horrors. (^Mar- jory writes on pad) He kept up his gabble all the time I was trying to balance my cash, till I got hot under the collar, f Marjory writes on pad) Then he switched off on, how valuable I was to the firm, 'nough to give me a swelled head. Marjory (writes on pad. Half aside). It is as I feared. (Siglis) John (jiettled). Say, what on earth are you mutter- ing about ? That 's twice you 've said : * ' It is as I feared. ' ' What is it you fear ? Marjory. For you, John dear, I am convinced you are not well, and have not been for some time. When we were first married you were so kind, so considerate. But of late! Ah, there has come a change in you. A restlessness. You are always on edge. You talk in your sleep, — when you do sleep, John (a trifle worried). Nonsense, I may — be — a lit- tle — nervous at times, but that's nothing. Marjory. Oh, yes it is, John. (Mournfidly) Ner- Dr. Umps 5 vousness frequently leads to insanity. Oh, I know. It has been coming on gradually, till I could stand the strain, the uncertainty no longer, so to-day, — (Break in Iter voice) I consulted a physician, and she says I have grave cause for apprehension. John (much disturbed). A site doctor! You have been to some woman quack with your domestic troubles? Marjory. No, John, she is not a quack, though her maiden name was Drake. She is an old school friend of mine. She is now the celebrated Dr. Umps. Perhaps you have heard of her. She makes a business of nerves, and the harmonizing of husbands and wives who are — drifting — apart (Overcome) as we are. John. Drifting nothing. (With nervous laugli) I will admit— that perhaps I have not been feeling— at top speed of late Marjory. Ah, dear, I sec you do not realize your condition. But I do. (Goes over and puts Iter arm around liis neck) Poor John. Let me get you your slippers and jacket, so when Dr. Umps calls here (Going towards d.r.J John. Is that female pill-slinger coming here? To this house, to see me? Marjory. Yes, John. She may be here any minute. John. But I tell you I don't want her. I won't have her! And, besides, we can't afPord it! Marjory. Oh, yes we can, John. Her fee is gener- ally fifty dollars avisit, but being an old friend she has consented to come for three forty-nine. John. Say. I'm no remnant on a bargain counter! I believe she's a shine. Marjory (clasping Iter Jiands as sJie goes to door). Bo let me get your slippers! (Voice breaking) There- may come — a time — when — there will be — no — John. John. Oh, cut the sob stuff. (PusJies lier aside) I will get them. I haven't become so feeble I can't wait on myself. (Goes out d.r., slamming the door behind him. Marjory laughs to herself. Goes over to desk and takes letter's she stamped and addressed, and puts them in the pockets of John's overcoat hanging on tree. 6 Dr. Umps Otlier business, arranging sofa pilloivs till John RE- ENTERS, in smoking -jacket and slippers) Marjory. Now yoii look more comfortable, dear. Come take this easy chair. (Placing lier liand on Ms liead) How feverish you are. John (provoked). I'm all right, and my head is as clear as a bell. Marjory (anxiously). Are yoii sure? Do you never have any lapses of memory? John. I can remember the day I was born. Marjory. I Avill put your memory to the test. Do 3^ou recall posting the letters I gave you this morning? John. Sure. I dropped them into the box at the corner. Marjory. May I see? (Goes over to coat, and takes out letters) Oh, John, John, it is Avorse than I feared. John (glancing at letters, jumping up wildly). Now I can swear in any court in this country that I (Doorbell rings) Marjory. For pity' sake, calm yourself, John. It is probably Dr. Umps, I don't want her to find you in such a wild state of excitement. (^ENTER Dr. Umps. SJie is a large ivoman. Very professional in voice and Tnanner. Slie carries a hand bag. Pauses at door. Stares at John. Speaks in ominous voice) Dr. Umps. A clear case of bar-ce-lonum-ter-anum. (To MarjoryJ How are you, dear? (Glancing at Johnj Sad, very sad. John (excitedly). See here, Madam, I protest. My wife is laboring under the delusion that I Dr. Umps (ivlio lias taken an atomizer from bag, sprays Mm). Be calm. You are becoming hectic. John (trying to dodge spray). What on earth are you doing ? Dr. Umps. Disinfectant. Your malady is contagious. John (spluttering). I won't stand for such bunk. What kind of a fool do you think I am ? Dr. Umps. In a class by yourself. (To Marjory) Now, my dear, we must make a careful examination. (Takes off coat and rolls up sleeves of dress. Takes Dr. Umps y trick thermometer from, bag and goes over towards John. As she shakes if, it hisses, pops or flashes) Open your mouth ! John. I — refuse! I protest! Not on your life Dr. Umps (seizes him around neck. They struggle. Pushes him into chair, forces thermometer between lips. To Marjory;. Now dear, tell me the most pronounced symptoms. Marjory. I have set down those he has complained of to-day. (Reads from pad) "While at the office he was seized with pain. Dr. Umps (shakes her head). Bad. Marjory. While talking with a Mr. Bunker, he com- plained of horrors. Dr. Umps. Very bad. Marjory. Then, he suddenly became hot under the collar. Dr. Umps. The-rotus-grippino. A serious ease. Marjory. Then he mentioned a swelling of the head. (Frantic facial expressions from John) Dr. Umps. That is sufficient. It is worse than I feared. (Takes from bag a number of instruments — a saw, knives, a pair of forceps) Does he carry much in- surance ? Marjory (mock sadness). Yes, he has been very thoughtful in that respect. In — case — of my being — left — alone, I will be well provided for. Dr. Umps. That is fortunate, and a rich young widow is always in demand. (Arranging instruments on table) Has he any preference in flowers? (Testing knife blade) John (blowing thermometer from mouth). Yes, and they are Everlastings! See here, I don't propose to be panhandled into an early grassy mound. Dr. Umps. Look here, young man, you and I want to have a talk. John. You may, I don't. Dr. Umps (catcMng up knife). Then you prefer a©- tions to words ? 8 Dr. Umps John. Both ! (Jumps up and makes a dasli for fele- plione) I'm going to call the police. Marjory (intercepts Mm). Calm yourself, John. Be reasonable and listen to Dr. Umps. John. And you said that woman was a Harmonizer! She 's a submarine, a U-boat ! Dr. Umps (toying ivitJi knife). And you are sure he has made his will? (John ivitli a yell breaks away from Marjory and reacJies teleplione. Mlien he takes cloivn receiver, tlie box opens, disclosing skull, or some startling effect. He almost collapses, staggers over and falls on sofa) Dr. Umps (draiving up cliair, sits beside liim). Now, young man, we will have our little talk. John (faintly). Go to it. Dr. Umps. Is not your wife's report correct? Didn't you complain of pain, horrors, heat under the collar and swelled head? John. Yes, but I can explain Dr. Umps I forbid it. No doctor ever allows a pa- tient to. You admit that you have been nervous of late, irritable and inconsiderate? John. No! (Tries to rise) I Dr. Umps (pushing him hack). I'm glad to know you do. You are too excited at present to talk or even think coherently. You need rest, (Rises) so I will prepare a sedative. It is perfectly harmless, and pleasant to take. (Takes a little vial from her hag and goes over to side- board) In some cases it has the effect of producing visions, and when in that pleasurable state the patient believes he is the possessor of great wealth. Again, that he is the husband or wife of some distinguished per- son. You will only sleep a short time. On awaking, you may feel a little faint. (Business of preparing glasses. Her back is to John; So I will fill both these glasses with wine. In the green glass I will drop the sedative. (But puts the sedative in red glass) In the red glass, just wine, which you are to take on waking. Marjory (who lias been watching the operation). Haven't you made a mis Dr. Umps g Dr. Umps (to Marjory ?n low tone). Shss. I know men better than you do. They are perverse. He will drink from the red glass, thinking to outwit us. (Com- ing over to John J Marjory and I will now retire for a short time to the other room. After taking the sedative, loosen your outer garments to give freedom to respira- tion. Place this screen in front of you to prevent drafts and cover yourself over with this afghan. Remember, the red glass the wine. (Business, tlien the ivomen EXIT D.R. John watches them out of the room, then removes collar, unbuttons vest. Goes over to sideboard. Takes up green glass. Holds it up, as if examining contents. Sets it down, puts hands together, rails up his eyes as much as to say. Heaven help me! Drinl's contents of glass. Brings down screen by sofa, yet so he can be seen by audience. Lies down, covers himself with afghan. Slight pause) ENTER D.L. G. Small. He is a small man, pompous in voice and manner. G. Small. Hem! (Looks around) Hem! (Goes over to sideboard and sniffs of decanter. Looks around to see if any one is looking. Helps himself to Bed glass of ivine. Takes cigar from box, lights it. At crack of match John looks over top of screen. Small helps him- self to second glass of wine. Holds it up as mucli as to say, "Here^s looking at you'') John (comes out from behind screen. Small turns and sees him). Taking a quiet little drink alone? That's nice. Small. This is Mr. Smivens, I presume? John. You have another guess coming. Small. Isn't this the Smivens' flat? John. No. It was mine before the U-boat captured it. Small (bewildered). I beg your pardon! John. You should, and I forgive you. Small. What for? John. For living. You see, my wife lifted the block- ade, and I am now interned. BmalIj (more bewildered). U-boat? blockade lifted? Has your wife left you ? lo Dr. Umps John. Temporarily. She is in the other room with a submarine. Small. In the other room with a— submarine? Oh, say, young man, you can't be feeling well. John (lialf aside). Now he's begun it. See here! I'm feeling perfectly well, never better. I'm neither suffering with bar-celona-teranum, nor the-roteus-grip- pino. And even if I were, I 'm chuck full of — saleratus, I mean sedative which the U-boat prescribed for me. Small. Saleratus prescribed by a U-boat? (Turns away, tapping liis foreliead) Sad, very sad. It is as I feared. John (i^i mocking voice). It is as I feared. Without indulging in any further personal remarks, I want to know who you are, and what you are doing in my apart- ments ? Small. Certainly, sir. Pray be seated. (TJiey sit) My name is Small. John. You look it. Small. I am rich and prosperous. John. You don 't look it. Small. And husband of the most beautiful woman in the world. John. Impossible. Small. Absolutely true. I am possessed of great wealth, and husband of a most distinguished wife. John (smiling). You tliink you are. Small. I know I am. John (jumps up. Goes over to sideboard. Sniffs at red ivine glass). Say, you have taken the sedative in- tended for me. Small. I've done what? John. That glass of wine you took was doped ! Small (starting up). Doped? John. Sure! That's the reason you think you are wealthy, and have a distinguished wife. Small. But I am rich, and have John. The willies. Consult a physician at once. (Pusliing liim towards door) Dr. Umps ii Small (verij angry). You— you— are insolent, sir! You— are a lunatic and I will notify the police ! John. Do so at once. Use my telephone. Small. By Jupiter, I will! (Picks up receiver. Something liappens. Small yells in fright) You are a scoundrel, sir ! We— will meet again. John. Not if I see you first. Small. We will see, sir. We will see. (EXIT d.l. in a rage. John roars with laughter, so as to attract atten- tion of ivomen in other room, ivho come rushing in d.r. j Marjory. What is it, John! Are you worse? Dr. Umps. You are supposed to be asleep. John (still laughing). Asleep me eye. The funniest little gink came in here. Ha, ha Dr. Umps (to Marjory;. He has been seenig things. All imagination. John. Imagination nothing. A short man with a voice like an umpire. Marjory. What did he want? Dr. Umps (registers anxiety). A— a— short man? Did — did he give his name? John. Sure he did. A— a— Little. Yes, that was it, but he was the biggest joke ever, or you must have made a mistake and put the dope in the red glass, and he drank it ! Ha, ha Marjory (to Dr. Umpsj. You know you told John to drink from the green glass. Dr. Umps. Yes, and that's just the reason I supposed he wouldn't. Marjory. But what did he want? John. Search me. Took me for a Mr. Smivens, pinched a drink or two and a cigar, no more than swal- lowed the dope than he began to give me a forkfull about his being wealthy, and husband of a distinguished wife, just as you said Z would. Ha! it was great to hear him rave. Marjory. Smivens? Why, that's the swell family who have just rented suite B. John. They'll think it's bumble-bee if he tumbles in on them. 12 Dr. Umps Dr. Umps (evidently anxious). Did he say he would return? John. Oh, yes, he promised to return. His stage exit was a classic. (Mock tragedy) We — will — meet again ! Ha, ha! Marjory. He may return and do you bodily harm. (Alar^ned) Dr. Umps. We must prevent their meeting at any cost. (Begins to collect lier instymynents) Marjory (frightened). What are you doing? There must be no bloodshed ! Small (Jieard speaking outside). I tell you I will come in. I have been insulted. I want my wife! John. That's the umpire, all right. He's coming back. Marjory (in panic). Oh, John, John! Did you in- sult him, and have you seen his wife? John. Insult him, no ! I stood treat for two drinks and a cigar. Dr. Umps. See here, there's nothing like prepared- ness. We Avill place this screen right by this door. (Does so) I will hide behind it and when he enters smother him with this afghan. (Business of taking Tier place) Marjory. Oh, do be careful ! ENTER D.L. Small, roaring. Small. Now, then, I (Dr. Umps throws afgJian over Jiis head, trips him up, piles screen on top of him, and makes hurried EXIT l. When he has at last un- tangled himself) What is the meaning of this new out- rage? Who was it that knocked me down and ran out? John (who is quietly sitting with MarjoryJ. It was the Harmonizer. Small. I repeat, it's an outrage! John. That's what I say. What are you doing in my apartments? Small. I want my wife, and don't you begin again talking about U-boats John. And don 't you begin again talking about being rich and prosperous, and husband of a distinguished wife ! Dr. Umps 13 Small. But I am rich, and it is my distinguished wife I am looking for. She was seen to come in here! Marjory. Permit me to assure you, sir, that no one has entered these apartments but the distinguished specialist, Dr. Umps. Small (in disgust). Doctor Umps! There couldn't be a woman by that name. There ain 't no such animal. John. That 's what I Ve been trying to tell you. She 's not a w^oman, she's a U-boat, a terror. Didn't she try to torpedo you? Small. You're a lunatic. I repeat, my wife is not only beautiful and distinguished, but her powers of in- vention and imagination are extraordinary. John. If they can beat yours, they must be. Small. Why, she has written five best sellers! John. Gee! She must be a warm baby. (Cat citing Jiold of Small's arm and dragging liim towards d.l.) Let me help you find her. Marjory. Jolin! I am shocked and surprised. John. Under what pen name does your wife write? Small. Her maiden name, Eleanor Reese. (A smoth- ered cry from Marjory J John. I thought he was going to say Glynn. Why, then she is the author of ''The Woman of* Fire," ''A Racy Courtship," and ''Three Days." Oh, say, your wife must be found. (Again starting towards d.l./ Marjory (mucli agitated) And your name is? Small. Small, Gregory Small. The husband of the most distinguished Marjory (half crying). Oh, Mr. Small, I fear a ter- rible mistake has been made! Small. I am beginning to think so myself. My wife left home this morning, first, to call on an old school friend who, as I understand it, is married to a miserable little cad, who tries to boss it over his young wife. I oelieve the two women had a plot hatched up to frighten the little shrimp husband into submission. Scare him about his health, fix his telephone, dope him with fake medicine, ha, ha! Then my wife was suddenly to ap- 14 Dr. Umps pear on the scene as a nerve specialist! The biggest joke, ha, ha! John (business of heginning to catcli on). Oh, yes. So that was the bunk she gave you, was it ? Your wife has invention and imagination, all right. Now I will spill you the straight dope. I'm the little shrimp, and she came here to see me. Get that ? Hadn 't been in the house five minutes before she had her arm around my neck, mixed me a drink, then I must lie down on the sofa while she Jield my Jiand. No wonder she can write best- sellers. Small (getting excited). I — I — don't believe a word of it! (Turning to Marjory) Madam, is — is this true? Marjory (confused). Why — ^no — ah — ^yes. You see, she came here to prescribe for John. It — was — all a joke. John. Yes, a bully good joke. I should like such treatments every day. Small (wildly). Sir ! you are a scoundrel ! My wife adores me. Wouldn't look at any other man. John. Yes, she seemed to adore you when she gave you the foot, covered your dough-head with that afghan, piled the chairs and screen on top of you and made her get-away. You are quite right, it is the biggest joke of the season. Ha, ha ! Small (jumping up and down in rage). Then it's my Eleanor you have been calling a torpedo, a U-boat, a terror ! My distinguished wife ! I '11 show you ! (Draw- ing revolver) Dr. Umps (ivlio lias entered unnoticed, comes down). See here, Gregory, that will be about all of that. (Turn- ing to John) And as for you, you have been a petty tyrant to the sweetest little wife a man ever had, and if you don't promise to be a model of a husband for the future, I'll show you up in my next best-seller as the most despicable little cad ever known in fiction, and I'll draw the character so lifelike that all your friends will recognize the original. What do you say? (John meekly takes out wliite liandkercliief, holds it up by the corner as a flag of true) Good! Unconditional sur- Dr. Umps 15 render. Shake. But you are a little run down, my boy, and I advise you and Marjorj^ to take a second honeymoon. Come, Gregory, I want you to meet some friends of mine, the Smivens. (Leading Mm towards door) Charming people, I assure you. Small. Certainly, my love. (Looking hack at John j What do you think noiv of my distinguished wife? John. I — guess — she — is all right. Small. You bet she is! [Tlie Smalls EXIT lauglmig and talking d.l. John (catches Marjory in liis arms). Marj., dear, I am afraid I have been something of a brute. But we '11 start on a dandj^ little trip tomorrow. Marjory. John, you're a dear. John. And who do you think I 'm going to take along with us on this journey, and be with us every happy minute ? Marjory. Not Dr. Umps? (Laughing) John. No. Marjory. Who, then? John. Dan Cupid. CURTAIN WESTERN PLAYS KOOKY FORD Weaitrn Drama in Four Acts. Eight Males, Three Femalt. By Bueton L. Spiller Oae exterior, two interior scenes. A strong and stirring play fuM 9t life and dramatic movement. Stage settings are very simple, BBd the climax artistically effective. Plays two hours. PRICE 25 CENTS °~ THE STUBBOBN MOTOR CAR ' Western Comedy Drama in Three Acts. Seven Males, Four Femalea By Anthony E. Wills One interior scene. The motor car, not being seen. Is consequently unnecessary. The Interest in this play ig unflagging. All the char- acters are good ones and each one appears in every act. Plays two and a half hours. PRICE 25 CENTS THE RED ROSETTE Western Drama in Three Acts. Six Males, Three Femalea By Gordon V. May Two Interior and one exterior scenes. The story Is full of interest, the incidents exciting, and the dialogue crisp. The play offers fine opportunities for character parts, and includes startling situations and a thrilling climax. Plays two hours. PRICE 25 CENTS GOLDEN GULCH Western Drama in Three Acts. Eleven Males, Three Females By Charles Townsend One Interior and one exterior scene. The play combines wit, humor, sentiment, exciting situations, brisk movement, and good characters for all the participants. Plays two hours. PRICH 25 CENTS MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO Western Comedy Drama in Four Acts. Five Males, Three Female* By a. S. Richardson Two exterior and one interior scene. In " character " parts the piece is quite admirable, and all of these are skillfully contrasted. The climaxes are effective, and the stage pictures pretty. It will prove a drawing card. Plays two hours. PRICE 25 CENTS THE SHERIFF OF TUCKAHOE Western Sketch in One Act. Three Males, One Female By Georgb M. Rosener One simple Interior scene. An intensely dramatic sketch of the tracing of a band of road-agents, one of whom is eventually captured by his half-brother, the sheriff, in the house of the mother. The mother's oleadings, unknown to her. Induce the sheriff to release the suspect, he taking his half-brother's place as the criminal. The circumstantial evidence fails to be convincing, and consequently the sheriff's self-sacrifice is not needed. All strong parts. Easily stageil. Highly recommended. Plays about one hour. PRICE 25 CENTS MILITARY PLAYS 25 CENTS EACH BY THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours lo' 4 EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2}4 hours 10 4 PRISONER OF ANDERSONVILLE. 4 Acts; 214 hours.. 10 4 CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; 1}^ hours 9 6 ISABEL, THE PEARL OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 3 LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 4 BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2)^ hours 9 3 BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 8 RURAL PLAYS 25 CENTS EACH MAN FROM MAINE. 6 Acts; 214 houra 9 AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 214 hours 8 OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 21^ hours; 1 Stage Setting..... 7 GREAT WINTERSON MINE. 8 Acts; 2 hours 6 SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2)4 hours 5 "WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3Acts;2hours 4 FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; Ihour... 6 LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 ENTERTAINMENTS 25 CENTS EACH AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene 5 11 BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene 2 30 IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; IJ^ hours 19 15 JAPANESE WEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour 3 10 MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 liours 6 9 OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; 1^ hours 4 4 YE VILLAGE SKEWL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Recitation 11 CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes 15 14 EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes 8 BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; li^ hours 1 13 OVER THE GARDEN IV ALL. (15 cents) 11 8 FITZGERALD PUBLISHING CORPORATION SUCCESSOR TO DICK & FITZGERALD, 18 Vesey Street, N. Y. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 018 378 006 2 • COMEDIES AND DRAMAS 25 CENTS EACH BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4 Acts; Shours BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2^ hours 11 COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stag« Setting COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2i^ hours DEACON. 5 Acts; 2^ hours. DELEGATES FROM DEN'VER. 2 Acts ; 45 minutes S 10 DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3Act8;2hour6 EASTSIDERS, The. 8 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting ESCAPED FROM THE LAW. 6 Acts; 2 hours GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 8 Acts; 2^ hours GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2i^ hoars IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 8 Acts; IJ^ hours JAIL BIRD. 6 Acta; 21^ hours JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4Act8;2hours MY LADY DARRELL. 4 Acts; 2V^ hours MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2^ hours 13 NEXT DOOR. 3 Acts; 2 hours 5 PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours REGULAR FLIRT. 3 Acts; 2 hours ROGUE'S LUCK. 3Act8;2hour8 5 SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 5 Acts; 2]4 liours 6 STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2)4 hours 5 WHAT'S NEXT f 3 Acts; 2)4 hours 7 WHITE LIE. 4 Acts; 2}^ hours 4 WESTERN PLAYS 25 CENTS EACH ROCKY FORD. 4Act8;2hours 8 GOLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; 214 hours 11 RED ROSETTE. 3Act8;2hour8 6 MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2i^ hours ... 5 STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2i.| hours. 9 FITZGERALD PUBLISHING CORPORATIOIf SUCCESSOR TO DICK 8b FITZGERALD, 18 Veaey Street, N. Y. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS ■ 018 378 006 2 #