APTNESS it by in filling all orders is always a feature of our business. Catalogues sent free. Any Play, Dialogue Book, Speaker, Guide Book, Wigs and Beards,— in fact anything you want AMES' PUBLISHING CO., Clyde, Ohio. AMES' SERIES OF STANDARD AND MINOR DRAMA, No. 258. — ^^ — PROF. BONES' LATEST INVENTION ( FARCE. ) WITH OAST OP CHARACTERS, ENTRANCES, AX» EXITS, RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE PERFORMERS ON THE STAGE, DESCRIPTION OP COSTUMES AND THK WHOLE OP THE STAGE RUSINi i.l.Y MARKED FROM THE MOST APPROVED ACTING COPY. PRICE 15 CENTS. X CLYDE, OHIO: AMES' PUBLISHING CO, CO HJtJO TO o 5» St.- c* ►-■TO o og* 2 p*« O TO J* &* « e= g «-j £=£ 23 c a x S s« a tf — o p [3 >«3 CO *0® s-gs K>§3 pto© 9 £■ s 9 No goods sont C. 0. D. Payment MUST accompany al! orders ^~ ALPHABETICAL LIST DP "^ ilmEs' Etiitian nf Plays. -x52^- FIFTEEN CENTS EACH UNLESS OTHERWISE MARKED. 2 164 39 43 100 125 89 113 226 14 160 161 60 152 173 143 176 162 117 207 52 76 141 26 191 194 46 227 211 1(33 91 36 34 229 2-2-', 81 85 8:j 196 29 18 10 45 79 144 119 92 112 71 105 7 201 193 200 121 DRAMAS. A Desperate Game 3 After Ten Years 7 A Life's Revenge 7 Arrah de Baugh 7 Aurora Floyd 7 Auld Robin Gray 25c 13 Beauty of Lyons 11 Bill Detriek 7 Brae, the Poor House Girl.... 4 Brigands of Calabria 6 Conn; or, Love's Victory fl Dora 5 Driven to the Wall 10 Driven from Home 7 East Lynne 8 Emigrant's Daughter 8 Factory Girl 6 Fielding Manor 9 Hal Hazard, 25c 10 Heroic Dutchman of '76 8 Henry Grandea 11 How He Did It 3 Hidden Treasures 4 Hunter of the Alps 9 Hidden Hand 15 Lights and Shadows of the Great Rebellion, 25c 10 Lady of Lyons 12 Lady Aiulley's Secret 6 M;m and Wife 12 Maud's Peril 5 Midnight Mistake 6 Minam's Crime 5 Michael Erie 8 Miller of Derwent Water 5 Mistletoe Bough 7 Mountebanks (The) 6 Old Honesty 5 Old Phil's Birthday 5 Outcast's Wife 12 Out on the World 5 Oath Bound 6 Paiuter of Oheut 5 Poacher's Doom 8 Reverses U Rock Allen 5 Spy of Atlanta, 25c 11 Thckla 9 The False Friend 6 The Filial Blow 7 The Forty-Niners 10 Ihe Gentleman in Black 9» The New Magdalen 8 The Reward of Crime 5 Through Snow and Sunshine 6 The VuW of the Ornani 7 Ticket of Leave Man 9 Toodles 7 Uncle Tom's Cabin 15 Will-o'-the-VVh»p 9 NO. 41 192 rK Won at Last .. 7 Zion 7 TEMPERANCE PLAYS. At Last 7 Adrift 5 Aunt Dinah's Pledge 6 Drunkard [The] 13 Drunkar 's Warning 6 Drunkard's Doom 15 Fifteen Years of a Drunk- ard's Life 13 Fruits of the Wine Cup 6 Lost 6 Our Awful Aunt 1 4 Out in the Streets 6 Rescued 5 Saved 2 Turn of the Tide 7 Three Glasses a Day 4 Ten Nights in a Bar-Room... 7 Wrecked „ 9 COMEEIES. A Pleasure Trip 7 A Legal Holiday 5 An Afflicted Family 7 Caste 5 Home 4 Love's Labor Not Lost 3 New Years in N. Y 7 Not So Bad After All 6 Not Such a Fool as He Looks 6 Our Daughters 8 Passions 8 Rags and Bottles 4 Solon Shingle 14 The Biter Bit 3 TRAGEDIES. The Serf 6 73 75 187 202 189 181 183 104 146 53 51 59 102 63 62 58 168 136 124 178 199 174 149 37 237 126 114 219 221 87 16 FARCES AND COMEDIETTAS. 129 Aar-u-ag-oos 2 132 Actor and Servant 1 12 A Capital Match ...... 3 166 A Texan Motber-in-Law 4 30 A Day Well Spent 7 169 A Regular Fix 2 80 Alarmingly Suspicious 4 78 An Awful Criminal 3 ii Unwelcome Return 3 31 A Pet of the Public 4 21 A Romantic Attachment 3 123 A 'I hril-ling Item 3 20 A Ticket of Leave 3 175 Betsey Baker 2 8 Better Half 5 86 Black vs. White 4 22 CaptainSmith 3 Jheek Afill Win 3 22.) Cupi s Capers 4 49 Der Two Surprises 1 xfi J; I PROF. BONES' Latest Invention A FARCE, IN ONE ACT, / BY J. C. COLBY. TO WHICH IS ADDED DESCRIPTION OF THE COSTUMES-CAST OF THE CHARACTERS- ENTRANCES AND EXITS-RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE PERFORMERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE WHOLE OF THE STAGE BUSINESS. if Dry Entered according to act of Congress in the year 1888, by AMES' PUBLISHING CO. in the office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington, — —CLYDE, OHIO: — AMES' PUBLISHING CO. V PROF. BONES' LATEST INVENTION. Cast of characters as first produced at Union Grove, Wis., by the Mastodon Minstrel Combination. Peof. Bones, The inventor. Jeff, ) Ned, > Three troublesome darkies. Julius, ) Sam, . .Jeff's brother from N. Y. Central telephone station* COSTUMES. Bones. — Fashionable swell attire. Jeff, I Dressed alike; old dark pants, seer-sucker j ED '* ( coat and yest and old straw hats. Sam. — Dressed like the dummy. PROPERTIES. Organ, table, chair, telephone, flour, dummy dressed up with plug hat, rubber coat, dark pants; wire to run the dummy on; wheel to fasten on the dummy's head. Time of Performance — 20 minutes. STAGE DIRECTIONS. k7, means Right; l., Left; e. h., Right Hand; l. h„ Left Hand; c, Centre; s. e,; [2d E.,] Second Entrance; u. e„ Upper Entrance; m. d., Middle Door; p., the Flat • n. f., Door in Flat; k. c, Right of Centre; l. c, Left of Centre. p. E. C. C. *^L.C. L. i) . &** The reader js Supposed to_be upon the. stage facing the audien.ee. TMP92-008896 Prof. Bones' Latest Invention. SCENE. — A drawing-room; organ, b., table, L., chair at table; telephone, B. Enter, Pbof. Bones, takes off hat and overcoat and lays them on table. Prof. Bones. "Well, here I am at last! My wife lias just gone off on a tour to Long Branch, and I propose to have a good jolly time to-night. I have invited some of the boys, my old chums that I knew before I was married, up here and won't we have a grand time? {laughs; holes at his watch) But they won't be here for half an hour, so I'll just amuse myself until they come. (goes to organ and plays Enter, Jeff, Ned and Julius, ivho begin to darxe, cutting up all sorts of antics; comic business of ivearing Bones' hat and coat and walking about, putting on airs. Meantime Bones looks around, sees them, is startled and surprised, and then makes a rush for his hat and coat and places them on table again. Bones. What are you fellows doing in my house any- way? Don't you know any better than to come right into a respectable man's house in this way? Say, what do you want here, you fellows? Ned. We jes' come in to heah de music. < Bones. Well, you can't hear the music, so just clear right out now. Jeff. We want to heah de musia j 4 pkof. bones' latest invention. Bones. If you fellows don't get out now, I'll call the police! I expect a number of friends here to-night and I can't let them see you fellows here. {goes toward door Jeff, (stops him) We want to heah some mo' music. Julius. Play us one mo' piece. Ned. Say, play us one mo' piece an' den we'll git out ob dat ar' doah. Bones. I can't play any more! Well, say, if I play one more piece will you fellers go, sure pop? Jeff. Yes, sah, we will git right out. Go ahead and play. (Bones plays; Ned taps him on shoulder Ned. Say, can't yo' sing someting fo' us? Bones. No, sir. I can't sing anything. Come, i*ow> I want you to get out! Ned. Well, den yo' play an' we'll sing. Bones. What will I play? Ned. Well, play de "Golden Slippers." Julius. Yes, dats de piece! Jeff. Dats de one! Bones. I can't play the — what did you call it? Ned, Why, de "Golden Slippers." Bones. I never heard of the "Golden Slippers" before. (all laugh Ned. Nebber heard ob de "Golden Slipper!" Why, say, I got a brudder down at St. Louis dat can play de stuffm' right out ob dat ar' song. Nebber heard ob de "Golden Slippers !" Ho ! ho ! ho ! ( laughs Bones. What's that got to do about it? Your brother ain't here! Jeff, (quickly) I'll send fo' him! (to Ned) Say, shall I send fo' him? Ned. Yes, send fo' him! Jeff sits down to table, takes paper and pencil; begins to write. Jeff. Say, whar does yer brudder lib? Ned, Number fo' hundred, 22d street, New York City. Tell him to come down by the cars. Jeff. I'll send fo' him! Bones, (who has been contemplating the proceedings in a very sullen mood) Say, you fellows, are you bound to have your brother come? PROF. BONES' LATEST INVENTION. 5 Ned. Yes, oh yes, sah! (to Jefe) Number fo' hun- dred, 22d street, New York City— got it down right? (to Bones) He's coming by the first train. Bones. Say, it will take your brother a week to come by the cars. * You can't stay here in my house a week. (aside) Just think of it! What would the boys say to see these tramps here? (aloud) Well, if you're bound to have your brother come, I've got a quicker method ot fetching him than by the cars. I've got a new invention! It is called "Prof. Bones' Latest Invention." I will have him come by my new patent telephone. Julius* A what phone? Bones. Telephone! I can get anybody from any part of the world here in ten minutes. Ned. (excited) Git him then, git him! Bones goes to telephone, rings hell Ring is answered. Bones. Hello, Central! Central Hello! Bones. Give me— (to Ned) where did you say your brother lived? ^ T __ Ned, Number fo' hundred, 22d street, New York City. Bones, (to telephone) Say, Central, can you find an old coon somewhere down there Ned. My brudder is no coon! Bones. Shut up! (to telephone) Down there by the name of— (to Ned) What is your brother's name? Ned. Johnson, sah! Sam Johnson! Bones, (to telephone) —Of Sam Johnson. Central Wait a minute and I'll see! (ring is heard Bones. Hello, Central! Central. Hello ! I've found him ! Here he is ! Sam. Here I is! Hello! Bones. Say, is your name Sam Johnsonr' Sam. Yes, sah! Dat's my name, sah! Bones. Well, your brother Ned is down here and wants you to come and sing a song for him (to Ned) What did you say was the name of that song? Ned. Why, the "Golden Slippers!" Bones, (to telephone) The "Golden Slippers. Sam All right! De "Golden Slippers"— dat s de boss song! ' Say, mister, tell my brudder dat I'll pack my grip an' coine down by de fust train! 6 PROF, bones' latest invention. Bones. Well, hold on! Never mind the train — get on to this new invention of mine — this patent telephone, and you will be here in ten minutes. Sam. Say, mister, won't it hurt me? Bones. No, it won't hurt you ! Sam. Are you sure it won't hurt me? Bones. Yes, I'm sure! Come on! Sam. All right, den! Here I go! Whoop! Bones. He's started, gentleman! (listening) He's got to Philadelphia! Jeff. ) Ned. y (getting excited) Philadelphia! Julius. ) Bones. Fort Wayne, Indiana! Jeff. I Ned. J- Fort Wayne! He's comin', sure! Julius. ) Bones. Chicago! Jeff ) Ned. V (excited) Chicago! Julius. ) When Bones names the place the company is shoioing at, the dummy comes in on the wire, running by the top oj the head. The wire must be slanting across the stage so as to run behind wings; as soon as it gets behind wings, enter Sam, l., ivho embraces and hugs his brother. Others look on. Bones. Well, your brother has come, so sing your song and then get out. (exit, R. Sam takes off his coat and hat, places them on the floor; sits down at organ, plays the "Golden Slippers," the rest all sing and dance around — full of business. ■ Julius. Say, fellahs, I tell yo' what we ought to hab ! We ought to hab a fiddle, dat's what we ought to hab! Jeff. No, we don't want a fiddle! We ought to hab a banjo — dats what we ought to hab! Say, I got a cousin down in Dertoit dat kin jes' pound cle stuffin' right out ob a banjo. Ned. Well, yer cousin ain't heah! Jeff. I'll git him! £BOF. BONES' LATEST INVENTION. 7 Julius* How yo' gwine to get him? Jeff. Oh, by dis heah fixin' ! (points at telephone Julius. Oh, yes, by dis funny phone! Jeff. Say, shall I git him? Julius. Yes, git him! Jeff. No, I dasen't! Enter, BoNES, E. Bones, (aside) If those darkies ain't going to be the worst fooled darkies I ever got in with, I'll miss my guess! (exit, L. Jeff approaches telephone cautiously, feeling it all over and examining it very closely, Jeff. Hello! {to others) Say, shall I git him? Julius. Yes, git him! Jeff. I'm afraid it will bust! Ned. No, it won't bust* Hurry up an' git him! Jeff. I'll git him! (to telephone) Hello! Hello! Julius. Yes, git him! Jeff. No, I dasen't! I've forgot his name! Oh, now I know! I'll git him! (through telephone — loud) Hello! (louder) Hello! (very loud) Hello! At the last time, an assistant behind the scenes, throws a cup of flour in Jeff's face. Bones enters and laughs. The other darkies very much scared, stand shaking and trembling as the curtain drops. Ned, l. Julius, c. Jeff, r. CUBTAIN. NEW PLAYS PEIOE 15 CENTS EACH. Here's an afterpiece that will catch 'em! Just otLt?**- entitlecl, That Awful Carpet-Bag. An original farce, in three scenes, three male and three female characters. This is an ethiopian farce with an immense nigger— be sure and get this one, entitled, THE BEST CURE. A darkey servant has an imaginary illness, and the way he is cured will keep the aundience in an uproar for thirty minutes. A Domestic Drama with a good moral — entitled, GERTIE'S VINDICATION. In two acts. Three male and three female characters, JACK, THE NEGRO, IS IMMENSE! K4TY, THE IRISH GIRL, A GOOD CHARACTER! Order a copy — It will play 1 1-2 hours, and with an after- piece will make an enjoyable evening's entertainment for an audience. Thfs sketch is a stunner! Funny? Don't mention it! It will make an audience laugh more and' harder than any sketeh written in years — entitled, MIDNIGHT COLIC. A LAUGHABLE SKETCH. A BED-ROOM &CENE1 MUSTARD &4S TAKEN 4 $2$g* iimes' Plays — Continued. 72 19 42 188 220 148 218 224 233 154 184 209 13 66 116 120 103 50 140 74 35 47 95 11 99 82 182 127 228 106 139 231 235 69 1 153 23 203 212 32 186 44 33 57 217 165 195 159 171 ISO ■IS 138 115 55 232 137 40 38 131 Kil 167 68 54 FARCES CONTINUED. Deuce is in Him 6 Did 1 Dream it 4 Domestic Felicity 1 Dutch Prize Fighter 3 D itchy vs. Nigger 3 Eh? What Did You Say 3 Everybody Astonished 4 Fooling with the Wrong Man 2 Freezing a Moth*r-in-Law... 2 Fun in a Post Office 4 Family Discipline Goose with the Golden Eggs.. 5 Give Me Mv Wife 3 Hans, the Dutch J. P 3 Hash 4 H. M. S. Plum 1 How Sister Paxey got her Child Baptiz d 2 How She has Own Way 1 How He Popped the Quest'n. 1 How to Tame M-in-Law 4 How Stout lour Getting 5 In the Wrong Box 3 In the Wrong Clothes 5 John Smith 5 Jumbo Juin 4 Killing Time 1 Kittle's Wedding Cake 1 Lick Skillet Wedding 2 Lvuderbach's Little Surprise 3 Lodging, fur Two 3 Matrimonial Bliss 1 Match lor a Mother-in-Law.. 2 More Blunders than one 4 Mother's Fool 6 Mr. and .Mrs. Pringle 7 Mr. Hudson's Tiger Hunt 1 My Heart's in Highlands 4 y Precious Betsey 4 My Turn Next 4 M Wife's Relations 4 My Day and Now-a-Days Obedience 1 On the Sly 3 Paddy Miles' Boy 5 Paten' Washing Machine 4 Persecuted Dutchman 6 Poor Pilieody 2 Quiet Family. Rough Diamond 4 Ripples *. 5S Sch aps 1 Sewing Circle of P. riod S. 11. A. M. Pinafore 3 Somebody's Nobody 3 Stage Struck Yankee 4 Taking the Census 1 Th-it Mysterious B'dle 2 T e Bewitched Closet 5 The Cigarette 4 The Coining Man 3 Turn Him Out 3 The Sham Professor 4 The Two T. J's 4 NO. 28 142 213 151 5 56 70 135 147 155 111 157 204 15 172 98 222 214 145 190 27 230 153 24 77 88 128 90 61 234 150 109 134 177 96 107 133 17;) 94 25 92 10 64 122 118 6 108 4 197 198 170 216 201) 210 203 205 156 17 130 Thirty-three Next Birthday.. Tit for Tat Vermont Wool Dealer _ Wanted a Husband When Women Weep Wooing Under Difficulties— Which will he Marry Widower's Trials .._ Wakmg Him Up Why they Joined the Re- beccas „ Yankee Duelist Yankee Peddler ETHIOPIAN FARCES. Academy of Stars An Unhappy Pair Black Shoemaker Black Statue Colored Senators Chops „ .„„ jti Cuff's Luck w Crimps Trip Fetter Lane to Gravesend Hamlet the Dainty Haunted House Handy Andy Hypochondriac The Joe's Vis t „ Mischievous Nigger .. Musical Darkey No Cure No Pay Not as Deaf as He Seems Old Dad's Cabin OldPompey Other People's Children Pump's Pranks Quarrelsome Servants Rooms to Let School Seeing Bos ting Sham Doctor Hi.000 Years Ago Sport with a Sportsman Stage Struck Darkey Stocks Up, Stocks Down That Boy Sam The Select School The Popcorn Man ,„.,„... The Studio _ Those Awful Boys Twain's Dodging _... Tricks Uncle Jeff U. S. Mail „ Vice Versa Villkens and Dinah Virginia Mun my Who Stole th« Chickens William Tell Wig-Maker and Ilia Servants GUIDE BOOKS. Hints on Elocution Hints to Amateurs ^. 4 3 1 7 3 2 1 4 2 2 3 1 3 2 1 1 1 3 2 3 5 3 1 3 5 3 1 5 2 5 2 3 4 6 1 4 3 rk CANTATA. 215 On to Victory (with chorus) 25 cents 4 6 rfi LIBRARY OF CONGRESS mi 111 nil 1 1 111 « Hi! 016 102 721 2 = NEW FLA is RECEntly IssuelIT 250* Festival of Days. A series of Tableaux, by Ida M. Buxton, repre- senting the memorial days of the year. Just the thing for an evening's entertain- ment, as it is easily produced, requiring no scenery. Time of performance, one hour. 251. Millie, the Quadroon; or, Out of Bondage. A drama in 5 acts, by Lizzie M. Elwyn. 6 males, 5 females; the greatest success of the seison. This drama is replete with tine situations and nnlooked for developments. Mirth and sadness are well combined — something after the style of "Uncle Tom's Cabin,,* representing scenes in the South before slavery was abolished. Costumes modern. Time of production, 2 hours. 252. That Awful Carpet-Bag. An original farce, in 3 scenes, by Ad H.Gibson. ;■! males, 3 females. Scene In a hotel; a widow and old maid, whose curiosity gets them into embaressing situations. Irish character immense. Time 30 minutes. 253. The Best Cure. An ethiopian farce in 1 act, by C. F. Ingraham. 4 male, 1 female— exceedingly tunny farce. A darkey who was cured of imaginary ill- ness — the "cure" will be appreciated by all lovers of fun. Time, 30 minutes. 254. Dot, the Miner's Daughter; or, One Glass of Wine. A temperance drama, in 3 acts, by Lizzie M. Elwyn, author of ''Millie, the Quadroon. 9 males, 5 females. This is the most popular temperance play written since "Turn of the Tide" was published. Characters all equally good; two n-gro characters, Ebony and Hapzibah, which are immense, and keeps an audience in a continuous up- roar. Costumes, modern. Time, 1! hours. 255. Gertie's Vindication. A domestic drama, in 2 acts, by 6 II. Pierce. 3 males, 3 females. A thoroughly good moral play, showing file truth of the old say- ing, "Honesty is the best policy." .Jack, the negro, and Katy, the Irish girl, are both exceedingly, good and will keep an audience convulsed with laughter. Cos- tumes, modern. Time, one and one-half hours. 256. Midnight Colic. A sketch in one scene, by D. BJ; Allyn. 2 males, 1 female. A most laughable sketch that will please every one. Time of production, thirty minutes. 257. Caught in the Act. Comedy in 3 acts, by Newton Chisnell. 7 males, 3 females. This comedy is a favorite in the profession, and will take well withamatueis— is full of fun, dialogue is sparkling— not a dull speech from begin- ning to end. Time of production is about 2 hours. MILLIE; THE^Q.UADROON. a new Drama, just published from the author's original manuscript, it is immense, and will give the best of satisfaction to an audience. The scene is laid in the south before slavery was abolished. The play is very much after the style of Uncle Tom's Cabin. Send for a copy. Only 15 cents, MIDNIGHT COLIC. A Laughable Sketch in one scene. This Sketch with Millie; the Quadroon, will make an evening's enter- tainment that will please any audience, 15c.