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Safed and Keturah 
 
UNIFORM WITH THIS VOLUME 
 THE WIT AND WISDOM OF SAFED THE SAGE 
 
 BY 
 
 WILLIAM E. BARTON 
 
1 
 
 SAFED 
 AND KETURAH 
 
 The Third Series of the 
 
 Parables of Safed the Sage 
 
 BY ^^'^ • 
 
 WILLIAM E.^ BARTON 
 
 THE PILGRIM PRESS 
 
 BOSTON CHICAGO 
 

 Copyright 1921 
 FRANK M. SHELDON 
 
 THE PILGRIM PRESS 
 BOSTON 
 
 FEB -I 1922 
 
 ©CI.A654512 
 
^Cn All f att^nt WmB 
 
PUBLISHERS' PREFACE 
 
 The popularity of the Parables of Safed the 
 Sage has grown steadily since the appearance 
 of the first of them in the summer of 1915. 
 The Mississippi Mate, whose language was most 
 unlike to that of the pulpit, but whose essential 
 message was not wholly different, introduced 
 this series in that year, and provoked so much 
 of mirth and wholesome reflection that other 
 articles in the same vein followed. The series 
 on the Hollyhocks fairly launched the author 
 upon his career as a grower of those beautiful 
 flowers, bringing him seed from many readers, 
 and requests for seed from the Hollyhocks of 
 Safed. 
 
 In some respects this is a unique form of 
 instruction; in others it is very ancient. The 
 things of ordinary life are taken as suggestions 
 for practical lessons. This is a form of instruc- 
 tion not only time-honored, but inevitable. 
 We are continually advancing from the known 
 to the unknown, and interpreting spiritual 
 things in the light of things tangible. But 
 Safed's method is wholly his own. His com- 
 
VUl 
 
 PREFACE 
 
 bination of things new and old is unlike that of 
 any other writer of his generation. 
 
 Two volumes of his Parables have already 
 appeared in book form. The third is presented 
 herewith. The publishers are confident that 
 wherever it goes, home life will be more whole- 
 some, childhood will appear more lovable, and 
 common things will be seen to be full of valuable 
 lessons. 
 
 The publishers appreciate the interest with 
 which the previous volumes have been wel- 
 comed, and are confident that this one will 
 increase the number of those who loved Safed 
 and Keturah. 
 
 The Publishers 
 
INTRODUCTION 
 
 The author of these little chapters thanks the 
 readers, whose interest has been his constant 
 encouragement. The circle has widened 
 considerably since these Parables began to 
 appear. At first they were issued in a single 
 religious newspaper, then in a small group of reli- 
 gious papers, and now they are supposed to 
 be read by not less than three millions of people 
 every week. Safed and Keturah make their 
 modest bow to more people than they at first 
 supposed would probably be interested in them, 
 and express their sincere appreciation of the 
 kind words which reach them now and then 
 through the various editors. 
 
 The gathering of this third group of Parables 
 for publication in book form is a pleasant task. 
 With the book the author sends his salutation 
 and best wishes. 
 
 No apology is here offered for the optimism 
 which underlies the philosophy of these little 
 lessons. The author has lived long enough to 
 know something of the sorrows and perplexi- 
 ties of life, but he still believes that this is a good 
 
X INTRODUCTION 
 
 world, and he is glad that he is alive and that 
 Keturah is here with him. The two things for 
 which he and Keturah are most thankful are 
 their faith and their friends. 
 
 Safed. 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 1 The Cherry Pie 3 
 
 2 The Shoes Under the Bed 5 
 
 3 The System of Keturah 7 
 
 4 The Sunny Side of the Street lo 
 
 5 The Spliced String I2 
 
 6 Of Knowing Too Little and Too Much .... 14 
 
 7 The Stone Half Way Up 18 
 
 8 The Millionaire and the Scrublady 19 
 
 9 The Long Walk 22 
 
 10 The Pet Aversions 25 
 
 11 Things that are Small 27 
 
 12 Asking and Receiving 29 
 
 13 The Late Arrival 31 
 
 14 The Iron Fetters 34 
 
 15 The Great Game 37 
 
 16 The Ship that Did Not Sail 40 
 
 17 - Something Different 43 
 
 18 The Moving Vehicles 45 
 
 19 Perhaps 47 
 
 20 The Courage of the Captain 50 
 
 21 Rising Above the Clouds 53 
 
 22 The Oyster Shell 55 
 
 23 The Gravity Trolley 58 
 
 24 The Frog and the Hornet 60 
 
 25 The Barometer 62 
 
 26 The Private Car 64 
 
 27 Reformers 66 
 
 28 The Man Who Saw New York 69 
 
 29 The Cocoanut Cakes 72 
 
 30 The Viol that was Almost in Tune 74 
 
 31 The ROADRUNNER ^^ 
 
 32 The Guest-room Towels 80 
 
 33 Pens 82 
 
 xi 
 
xii CONTENTS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 34 Consistency 85 
 
 35 Profanity 87 
 
 36 The Evil and Good of Gossip 89 
 
 37 The Kind of People in Our Town 92 
 
 38 The Ethiopian Maiden and the Alarm Clock . 94 
 
 39 The Contented Conductor 96 
 
 40 The Strawberry Sundae 99 
 
 41 The Traffic Cop and the Blind Man loi 
 
 42 The Screens and the Shoes 104 
 
 43 Things Not to be Forgotten 107 
 
 44 The Car Wheels 109 
 
 45 Things Ancient and Modern 112 
 
 46 The Shoestrings 115 
 
 47 The Lost Tooth 118 
 
 48 The Transformed Tooth 120 
 
 49 The Minister and the Saw 123 
 
 50 The Transplanted Pine 126 
 
 51 The Value of Things Despised 128 
 
 52 The Flesh and the Spirit 130 
 
 53 The Hornets' Nest 133 
 
 54 Heroes and Heroines I35 
 
 55 Good Health and Veracity 137 
 
 56 Failure and Success 139 
 
 57 The Bed and the Mattress 141 
 
 58 Proteids and Calories 144 
 
 59 The Doughboy and the Kitten 146 
 
 60 The Pianola 149 
 
 61 The Unidentified Taste 151 
 
 62 The Keeper of the Inn .... .... 153 
 
 63 Being Put Off at Oconomowoc 156 
 
 64 The Man Who Ran Over a Rattlesnake . . . 159 
 
 65 The Worm in the Concrete Gutter 161 
 
 66 Philosophy and Money 163 
 
 67 The Convention of the Lumbermen 165 
 
 68 The Autumn Hollyhocks 167 
 
 69 The Golden Hair 170 
 
 70 The Little Girl in the Blue Dress 172 
 
 71 Seeing the Fire Engine 175 
 
 72 The Wives of the Prophet 177 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 THE CHERRY PIE 
 
 Two kinds of women are in the world. And 
 besides these two there is Keturah. The one 
 kind maketh a Cherry Pie and taketh out none 
 of the Stones. The other kind taketh out all of 
 the Stones save one. 
 
 Now I climbed the Cherry Tree, I and the 
 Robins, and the Robins climbed higher than I, 
 and got at it earlier and stayed at it later, and I 
 was hard put to it to get any of the Cherries. 
 But some of them I gathered, and I brought 
 them in a Basket, and Keturah put the Kettle 
 on, and certain of them she did Can. But 
 some of them she took, and she made thereof a 
 Cherry Pie. 
 
 And the Crust thereof was made so that it did 
 melt in my mouth, and the Cherries were rich 
 with their own juice and with Sugar. And 
 there were plenty of them between the Crusts; 
 for after this manner doth Keturah make Cherry 
 Pie. 
 
 And in all the Pie there was not one Cherry 
 Stone. And I knew that it would be so, for 
 Keturah made it. 
 
4 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 Now there be women who make Cherry Pies 
 for their husbands, and they say unto them, 
 Behold, here is a Cherry Pie with the Stones in; 
 thou hast more time to Pluck them out than I 
 have; and it is lucky for thee that thou get a 
 Cherry Pie, even with the Stones in; and if 
 thou likest it not, thou canst leave it. 
 
 And the other kind say, Behold here is a 
 Cherry Pie, and the Stones thereof have I taken 
 out. But presently her husband biteth hard 
 upon a Stone, and breaketh a Tooth, or crowdeth 
 out a Filling so that it costeth him Four Dollars 
 to Replace it. And when he chideth his wife, 
 she breaketh into tears, and she saith. Thou art 
 a Cruel Man. For thou givest me no credit for 
 the Stones which I took out, and thou blamest 
 me for the one Stone which I overlooked. 
 
 Now the Lord hath mercifully spared me that 
 I married neither of those women, but if I had 
 to choose between them, I would take the 
 woman who removeth no Stones from the 
 Cherries, and biddeth her husband to beware, 
 rather than her who professeth to have removed 
 them all, but who leaveth one Stone to insure 
 his weeping and gnashing of teeth. 
 
 And the same is true of life, that men can 
 meet bravely many trials when they have 
 reason to expect them, but he is no friend who 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 promiseth Security when there is one hard 
 Bump that a man must come up against, and 
 be unprepared for it. 
 
 But take it from me, when Keturah maketh 
 a Cherry Pie, it is some Pie. 
 
 THE SHOES UNDER THE BED 
 
 Of Goodness there be many kinds. For a 
 Shoe becometh good to wear when it becometh 
 bad to look at. Wherefore do I complain when 
 Keturah giveth away any of mine Old Shoes. 
 And Keturah hath provided a place in the 
 Closet, where they may stand in an Orderly 
 Row; but it is my custom when I remove them 
 at night to set them under the edge of the Bed. 
 And at first there is one pair, and then there 
 are other pairs, yea, and a pair of slippers also. 
 And when I arise in the morning, I reach down 
 with mine hand, and take up a Shoe, and if it 
 be not the one that I would wear I set it back 
 and find another. 
 
 Now with this System Keturah is not well 
 pleased. Wherefore from time to time doth 
 she gather them up, and set them in array in the 
 Closet. And she saith unto me, Wherefore 
 doth my lord place his shoes under the Bed, 
 which is not Expedient neither Orderly, when he 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 might better place them in a Nice Straight Row 
 in the Closet? 
 
 And I said unto her, Thou wast not made as 
 I was made out of the dust of the earth. Thirty 
 and three years ago did God cause a deep sleep 
 to fall upon me. Then took He one of my Ribs 
 and made thee. And thou camest into my 
 life and next to mine heart, not as something 
 from the world without, but as that which 
 already belonged to me, and must be mine so 
 long as the heavens endure. Nevertheless, of 
 all my Ribs art thou the most Unquiet. 
 
 And she said, I do admonish thee for thy 
 good. 
 
 And I said, O thou fairest among women, 
 were God to establish a school for Husbands, 
 he would make thee Principal. Yea, and I am 
 favored above all men in having become the 
 First and only Graduate of that school, Magna 
 Cum Laude. 
 
 And Keturah said, Thou hast learned many 
 things, and in much thou hast done well. Yea, 
 and I have yielded the Dipping of the Doughnut 
 in the coffee; why wilt thou not pick up thy 
 shoes? 
 
 And I said, If I must, then I needs must. 
 
 And I said. Thou hast an Hamper for soiled 
 Clothing, and a Laundry Bag. I will put my 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 Linen in the Laundry Bag, if thou Avilt allow me 
 a Little Latitude in the matter of the Shoes. 
 
 And Keturah said, For thee that will be doing 
 very well. 
 
 And I answered and said, This will I do, even 
 as I have promised, but O Keturah, I do not 
 want to be Reformed any more than I am 
 already Reformed. 
 
 And Keturah said, I verily believe that there 
 are worse husbands, even than thou. 
 
 And then did she kiss me, which is a way that 
 she hath. 
 
 THE SYSTEM OF KETURAH 
 
 We sat at a feast, both I and Keturah, and 
 certain others. And the Hostess had prepared 
 a Dinner that was Some Dinner. And we ate 
 thereof and rejoiced. For I enjoy the eating of 
 such Good Things as God hath given to men, 
 and I can eat anything save it be Health Foods. 
 
 And the Hostess talked of the Duty of 
 Women to Organize and get their Rights. 
 And she spake right well. And her husband 
 spake not at all. 
 
 And the servants brought in the Good StufT 
 which Cometh toward the end of the Meal, and 
 Keturah took thereof, even of the Ice Cream 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 and of the Cakes. But of the Ice Cream she 
 ate but one small spoonful, and of the cakes 
 brake she ofT save it were only a Crumb from 
 Each Kind, that she might judge how many 
 Eggs the Recipe called for, and whether they 
 had used Butter or Cotolene. 
 
 But as for me, I cared for none of these things, 
 but ate all that was set before me. For I 
 enjoy all manner of sweet things, even Pies and 
 Cakes, and Ice Cream and Conserves, and Apple 
 Pie, and Mince Pie, and Custard Pie, and 
 Cherry Pie whereof all the Stones have been 
 taken out, and Pound Cake, and Sponge Cake, 
 and Cocoanut Cake, and Chocolate Cake, and 
 Angel Cake, and Wedding Cake, and Fruit 
 Cake, and Sherbets and Preserves, and Straw- 
 berry Jam, and Apple Butter, and Preserved 
 Figs, and Fruit that hath been preserved in its 
 weight in Sugar, and many other kinds. But 
 Keturah careth little for them ; nevertheless she 
 taketh them when I sit nigh unto her. 
 
 Now while the Hostess was talking about 
 women Organizing and Having a System, 
 Keturah slipped her Full Plate over to me, and I 
 slipped my empty one back to her, and I ate 
 her Ice Cream, and her Cakes besides mine own. 
 And the Hostess saw it not, neither they that 
 sat at meat. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 And this hath Keturah done many times in 
 the years wherein we have been married, and 
 her System worketh to her Complete Satisfac- 
 tion, yea and to mine. 
 
 Now on the next day there came to me a 
 man who said, Behold, I have owed thee Fifty 
 Shekels of long time, and thou didst lend this to 
 me when I was Hard Up. Now will I repay 
 thee. 
 
 And I embraced him and I thanked him much ; 
 for if all men who have borrowed from me would 
 repay me, I should have more wealth than I 
 now possess. 
 
 Now it came to pass that night as we sat at 
 meat that I slipped the Plate of Keturah where 
 mine had been, and mine where hers had been. 
 And she looked, and behold, on the plate which 
 I slipped across to her there were five pieces of 
 gold, each of the value of Ten Shekels. 
 
 And she cried out and said, What is this, and 
 whence came it? 
 
 And I said. Get thee to the sellers of Silk in 
 the City, and to them that prepare Fine Rai- 
 ment for women, and buy thee a Stunning New 
 Frock, and see to it thou bring me back No 
 Change. 
 
 And she asked me saying. Dost thou not need 
 this Money for other things? 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 And I said, O thou to the arch of whose eye- 
 brow the New Moon is a Servant Maid, some 
 women have a System different from thine, but 
 thine Suiteth me Mighty Well, and from time to 
 time there shall be Reciprocity. I also will 
 work thy system and see how well it worketh in 
 Reverse Gear. 
 
 And I thought of men whose Religion con- 
 sisteth in Teasing God for what they think are 
 their Rights or their Desires, and others who 
 delight in giving to God the best that they 
 have. And I said in mine heart that those 
 Christians get most out of the Goodness of God 
 who follow the system of Keturah. For it is 
 a system that worketh well both with man and 
 God. 
 
 THE SUNNY SIDE OF THE STREET 
 
 Now the Shears wherewith I write much of 
 my wisdom became Dull, so that they would not 
 cut easily. And I looked out of my Window 
 and I saw on the other side of the Street an 
 Ancient man out of Denmark, who goeth to and 
 fro, and sharpeneth Knives and Shears and 
 Repaireth Things. And I went to him, and I 
 besought him, saying. Come thou and sharpen 
 my Shears. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH ii 
 
 And he said, It is morning now, and thou 
 livest on the East Side of the Street; therefore 
 will I come not now, but I will come when it is 
 toward Evening. 
 
 But I said, I shall not be there when it is 
 toward evening. Come thou now. 
 
 And as he sharpened my Shears, I asked him, 
 saying. Why didst thou refuse to come to me in 
 the Morning? 
 
 And he said, All living things require the Sun. 
 The trees grow not save they have the sun, and 
 no life thrives if it have it not. Therefore do I 
 always go on the West side of the Street in the 
 morning, and on the East side in the Evening. 
 
 And he said. Thou art a man of Learning. 
 Behold, I would speak to thee of many things. 
 
 And he opened a Box that he carried, and he 
 took out a Tray wherein were his Tools, and 
 beneath the Tray were Books that he was 
 Reading, yea, and a Book that he was Writing. 
 And he read to me out of the book. And 
 it had in it many strange Theories, and Interest- 
 ing Ideas. And although I did not think them 
 Sound, yet I marveled that this Commonplace 
 Ancient Man of Denmark thought of the Deep 
 Things of Life as he Sharpened his Knives and 
 Scissors. 
 
 Now it had been hard for me to get him to 
 
12 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 come to me in the morning, because I lived on 
 the East Side of the Street, but it was harder 
 to get him to leave before Evening,' because he 
 had many things to talk about, and he cared 
 much more to talk about them than he did to 
 Sharpen Shears. Nevertheless, he left me. 
 
 And I spake unto Keturah, and I said. That 
 old Dane hath many a Strange Bat in his Belfry, 
 but he hath some notions that are not Half Bad. 
 Human life hath One Road, whereon all men 
 travel, and they travel every man in one and the 
 Same Direction. For at one end of the road is 
 the Cradle, and at the other end thereof there is 
 the Grave, and there be no man who travels that 
 road backward. But although the Road hath 
 but one Direction yet hath it Two Sides. There- 
 fore will I shout to all men who travel the 
 Highway of Life, and I will say unto them, Walk 
 ye on the Sunny Side. 
 
 THE SPLICED STRING 
 
 There came to me a man who had made no 
 great success of his own affairs, but who was 
 eloquent as to methods whereby other men might 
 Win Success. And his great god whereby he 
 swore was named Efficiency. 
 
 And he spake unto me, saying. The trouble 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 13 
 
 with the Churches, and with the Whole Shooting 
 Match of thy kind of work, is that it knoweth 
 nothing of Efficiency. 
 
 And I answered and said unto him, 
 The home of my boyhood had in it no Fire- 
 place, but we bought our String by the Ball. 
 And the home of my Grandsire had a Vast Fire- 
 place, but they bought no String, for they kept 
 the twine that came wrapped around packages 
 from the store. Wherefore in mine own home 
 if I desired a String, I went to the ball, and cut 
 off how much soever I would. But in the house 
 of my Grandsire if I asked for String, my Grand- 
 mother did give me a little piece that had come 
 to her with the Sugar or the Starch. Now 
 there was a day when I was in the home of my 
 Grandsire, and I desired a long String. And 
 I besought my Grandmother, and she gave me 
 Many Short Strings. And I began to tie them 
 together, and to lay out the long string that I 
 was making on the Floor, that I might discern 
 how long it was. And I began at the end of the 
 room that was next unto the Fireplace. And 
 when I had laid down my first string, and tied 
 another to the end of it, I stopped to untangle 
 another string. 
 
 Then did a Spark fly out from the Fireplace 
 and light the end of my string. And I knew it 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 not. But I went to the end of the room, and I 
 passed through the door into the next Room, 
 and I tied on more string. And behold, the fire 
 followed me as fast as I tied, and when I looked 
 around, I had but one string, and that was 
 shorter than any one of those that I had tied 
 together. Even so is it with thine Efficiency. 
 He is a god with feet of clay that cannot bear 
 up his own weight, and he burneth up practical 
 results faster than he tieth on his new methods. 
 
 And the man said. Thou dost not understand. 
 Be silent and I will explain to thee the workings 
 of Efficiency. 
 
 And I said. The greater part of thine efficiency 
 is like unto a Steamboat with a Small Boiler and 
 a Big Whistle. Whenever it bloweth the Whistle 
 the Engine stoppeth, and it bloweth the Whistle 
 continually. 
 
 And he saw that I was Hopeless, and he left 
 me. * 
 
 OF KNOWING TOO LITTLE AND 
 TOO MUCH 
 
 There came to the City wherein I dwell a 
 man who delivered a Lecture, and I and Ketu- 
 rah we went. And the subject whereof he spake 
 was one about which he knew very little. But 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 15 
 
 he spread that little over the surface of an 
 Interesting Talk, and the people enjoyed it, 
 and so did we. Yea, and we were profited 
 thereby, although the Lecturer knew little more 
 than he told us. 
 
 And there came another man who spake on 
 the same subject, and we went to hear him. 
 And he was a man of Great Erudition. And I 
 said. Now shall we hear something Worth 
 While. 
 
 But he began by telling us the History of the 
 Subject and the Various Attempts to Elucidate 
 it. And then he spake of the Various Theories 
 that had been Suggested concerning it, and the 
 books that had been written in Divers Tongues 
 with regard to it. And he said that a certain 
 opinion had been held by men of learning, but 
 was now no longer highly regarded, but that the 
 opinion that was to take its place was in dispute. 
 And he suggested Various Aspects of the theme 
 which he said he could not Discuss because it 
 would require a Volume on any one of them. 
 
 And about that time it was time to stop, and 
 he stopped. 
 
 And as we journeyed toward our home, 
 Keturah said, He certainly is a man of large 
 knowledge. 
 
 And I answered. Yea, and for the purposes of 
 
i6 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 that audience it were better if he had known 
 the tenth part of what he knoweth. For the 
 first man carried all his goods in his show- 
 window, and this man blocked the sidewalk 
 with dray-loads of unopened cases and bales 
 of unassimilable and useless wisdom. 
 
 And Keturah said, I have heard that a Little 
 Knowledge is a Dangerous thing. 
 
 And I said. Believe it not. A little knowledge 
 is good for seed, but there is such a thing as 
 that a man getteth drowned in his own knowl- 
 edge. For the first man knew little, but used 
 that little effectively, and the second man knew 
 much, and it was useless. 
 
 And I said unto Keturah, Like unto a Spider 
 that is entangled in its own web, so is the man of 
 much knowledge who is unable to employ it. 
 Better is it that a man know little and be able 
 to use it wisely, than to know much and to get 
 lost in the swamp of it. 
 
 And Keturah said, Nevertheless, I think that 
 knowledge is good, and much knowledge is 
 better than little. 
 
 And I said. All human knowledge is small, 
 and the difference between the man who know- 
 eth much and the man who knoweth little is too 
 small to waste much time in futile distinctions. 
 For in the sight of God the wisdom of both is 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH ly 
 
 foolishness. But the value of knowledge is in 
 the use of it. 
 
 And Keturah inquired of me, saying, Art 
 thou a man of much knowledge or of little? 
 
 And I answered, If so be that I am able to use 
 my knowledge and get away with it, what doth 
 it matter if it be little or large? Behold, 
 though I be ignorant, yet have I no trouble in 
 finding people yet more ignorant, and if the 
 stream wherein they swim is over their head, 
 what doth it matter if it be an inch or ten thou- 
 sand cubits? 
 
 And Keturah said, I do verily believe that 
 among the ignorant men of earth there be some 
 who are more ignorant than my lord ; and if any 
 of them do think thee wise, I shall not tell 
 them that it is not so. 
 
 And I said, A little honey on the end of a rod 
 was nigh unto being the death of Jonathan, but 
 it enlightened his eyes, and it was better than 
 an whole beehive whereof one might see only 
 the outside. 
 
i8 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 THE STONE HALF WAY UP 
 
 There came unto me one of the great men in 
 Israel, upon whom God had laid the burden of a 
 Great Task. And he said unto me, Safed, art 
 thou ever Weary? 
 
 And I answered him, saying. Well, hardly 
 ever. 
 
 And he inquired of me again, saying, Art thou 
 ever Completely Discouraged? 
 
 And I answered him, I have ever one more 
 Shot in my Locker. 
 
 And he said, I am Completely Tired Out; and 
 what is worse, I am Discouraged. 
 
 And I said unto him, O my friend, God hath 
 highly honored thee in giving to thee a Task 
 beyond thy Strength. Listen to the word of a 
 wise man, who thus spake unto me. Seek not 
 for tasks to which thy strength is equal; seek 
 rather for strength adequate to thy tasks. 
 
 And he said, Yea, but this is Up-Hill all the 
 way. 
 
 And I said, There is no Hill that reached to 
 the sky, and every Hill hath beyond its Summit 
 a Down-Hill Side. If thou stop now, half way 
 up, thy task shall roll back upon thee and crush 
 thee; but if thou put a little more Punch into 
 thine Up-Hill Rolling of the Stone, then shalt 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 19 
 
 thou come to the Crest, and the thing will roll 
 more easily downward. 
 
 And he said, I know that it is so, but I fear 
 that this task will kill me. 
 
 And I laughed him to scorn, and I said, Take 
 courage; for thou shalt yet dance upon the 
 Coffin-lid of this job. 
 
 And as he rose to go, I said unto him. Listen, 
 O my friend, and mark well my words. Some 
 men when they die will be Dust; but by the 
 grace of God it shall not be so with me nor yet 
 with thee. We shall not be Dust, but Ashes. 
 
 THE MILLIONAIRE AND THE 
 SCRUBLADY 
 
 There is a certain Millionaire, who hath his 
 Offices on the Second Floor of the First National 
 Bank Building. And when he goeth up to his 
 Offices he rideth in the Elevator, but when he 
 goeth down, then he walketh. 
 
 And he is an Haughty Man, who once was 
 poor, and hath risen in the World, and he is a 
 Self-made Man who worshipeth his maker. 
 
 And he payeth his Rent regularly on the first 
 day of the month, and he considereth not that 
 there are Human Beings who run the Elevators, 
 and who Clean the Windows, hanging at a great 
 
20 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 height above the Sidewalk, and who shovel 
 Coal into the furnaces under the Boilers. 
 Neither doth he at Christmas time remember 
 any of them with a Tip or a Turkey. 
 
 And there is in that Building a Poor Woman 
 who Scrubbeth the Stairs and the Halls. And 
 he hath walked past her often but hath never 
 seen her until Recently. For his head was 
 high in the air, and he was thinking of More 
 Millions. 
 
 Now it came to pass on a day that he left his 
 Office, and started to walk down the Stairs. 
 
 And the Scrublady was half way down; for 
 she had begun at the top, and was giving the 
 stairs their First Onceover. And upon the top- 
 most Stair, in a wet and soapy spot, there was a 
 Large Cake of Yellow Soap. And the Mil- 
 lionaire stepped upon it. 
 
 Now the foot which he set upon the Soap flew 
 eastward toward the Sunrise, and the other foot 
 started on an expedition of its own toward the 
 going down of the Sun. And the Millionaire 
 sat down upon the Topmost Step, but he did not 
 remain there. As it had been his Intention to 
 Descend, so he Descended, but not in the manner 
 of his Original Design. For he descended faster, 
 and he struck each step with a sound as it had 
 been of a Drum. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 21 
 
 And the Scrublady stood aside courteously, 
 and let him go. And he stayed not on the order 
 of his going. 
 
 And at the bottom he arose, and considered 
 whether he should rush into the Office of the 
 Building and demand that the Scrublady be 
 fired; but he considered that if he should tell the 
 reason there would be great Mirth among the 
 occupants of the Building. And so he held his 
 peace. 
 
 But since that day he taketh notice of the 
 Scrublady, and passeth her with Circum- 
 spection. 
 
 For there is no man so high or mighty that he 
 can afford to ignore any of his fellow human 
 beings. For a very Humble Scrublady and a 
 very common bar of Yellow Soap can take the 
 mind of a Great Man off his Business Troubles 
 with surprising rapidity. 
 
 Wherefore, consider these things, and count 
 not thyself too high above even the humblest of 
 the children of God. 
 
 Lest haply thou come down from thy place of 
 pride and walk off with thy bruises aching a 
 little more by reason of thy suspicion that the 
 Scrublady is Smiling into her Suds, and facing 
 the day's work the more cheerfully by reason of 
 the fun thou hast afforded her. 
 
22 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 For these are solemn days, and he that bring- 
 eth a smile to the face of a Scrublady hath not 
 lived in vain. 
 
 THE LONG WALK 
 
 The daughter of the daughter of Keturah 
 hath a little friend who cometh to see her, and 
 playeth with her in the Yard, hard by the Win- 
 dow, where their voices may be heard inside the 
 House. And mostly they play very Happily; 
 but now and then for the sake of Variety they 
 indulge in Argument and Comparison like grown 
 Folk. And it was upon a day that they got 
 thus into a Friendly Scrap, the first part of 
 which I heard not. But the Argument had 
 reached a stage where the daughter of the 
 daughter of Keturah was advancing and backing 
 the other little damsel off the Map, and the 
 other little girl could only answer, I did not, or 
 You can not, or It is not. 
 
 And the daughter of the daughter of Keturah 
 said, 
 
 I can walk Fifty-nine miles. 
 
 And the other little girl said. You can not. 
 
 And the daughter of the daughter of Keturah 
 said, I can take my Grandpa's hand and keep 
 up with him, and he can walk Fifty-nine miles, 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 23 
 
 and I can walk Fifty-nine miles with' him if I 
 hold his hand. 
 
 And the other little damsel said, You can not. 
 
 Then did the daughter of the daughter of 
 Keturah tell unto the other little girl how great 
 and good a Grandpa she had. And I am too 
 modest a man to write down what she said; 
 but if George Washington and Solomon and a 
 few others were to live in one, peradventure he 
 might be a Second-cousin or a Remote Acquain- 
 tance of a man such as the daughter of the 
 daughter of Keturah described. ^ 
 
 And the other little girl was speechless; for 
 she could not say. Thy grandpa is not the only 
 Pebble on the Beach; I also have a Grandpa 
 whose hair is fully as Grey and whose Bald 
 Spot is larger than thy Grandpa's; for the 
 daughter of the daughter of Keturah had carried 
 the matter beyond all comparison. And the 
 other little girl could only change the subject, 
 and say, 
 
 I can kick your whole house down and all 
 your trees. 
 
 And the daughter of the daughter of Keturah, 
 knowing that she had won out, said sweetly. 
 
 Go ahead. 
 
 Now there is no man who knoweth so well as I 
 how far from right is the estimate of the little 
 
24 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 maiden concerning the goodness and the great- 
 ness of her Grandpa. Nevertheless it pleased 
 me more than any man can understand who is 
 not a Grandpa; for unto none others hath the 
 Lord given wisdom to know of such matters. 
 And the next time a man goeth by and 
 bloweth a small whistle, she shall have a Red 
 Balloon. 
 
 For apart from her beautiful delusion concern- 
 ing the poor man concerning whom I pray my 
 God that she may be never undeceived, the 
 little maiden is not wholly wrong. For when 
 she holdeth my hand she can do things which 
 otherwise she could not do. 
 
 And I prayed unto my God a prayer, and I 
 said, 
 
 O my God, Thou hast permitted us through 
 the gift of little lives such as these to discern 
 spiritual truths which thou hast hid from the 
 wise and prudent and revealed unto babes, that 
 so we might enter into the Kingdom of Heaven 
 as little children. Grant unto me this, O my 
 Father, that I shall hold so fast to Thine Hand 
 that the journey that would otherwise be 
 impossible shall be possible for me, and the task 
 that would have been too great may be accom- 
 plished through thy strength. For I can do all 
 things through Him that strengtheneth me 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 25 
 
 and if I hold Thy Hand I can run and not be 
 weary, and walk and not faint. 
 
 THE PET AVERSIONS 
 
 We went unto a Reception, I and Keturah. 
 And when they gave unto us Sandwiches and a 
 Cup of Tea, and nowhere to set it, there came a 
 woman and sat beside me. And she inquired 
 of me, saying. Art thou Safed the Sage? 
 
 And I answered, I am Safed; and concerning 
 my sagacity there is an honest difference of 
 opinion. 
 
 And she said, I have somewhat against thee, 
 for my husband hath read thy Stuff, and he 
 telleth me that thou hast no love for Curl Papers. 
 . And since he hath read thy Parables, he scol- 
 deth me for wearing a Boudoir Cap to break- 
 fast. But if I did not wear it in the morning, 
 how should my hair look nice for the Reception? 
 
 And I said unto her, I have three pet aver- 
 sions, yea, four things do I abhor. They are 
 bedclothes that come out at the foot, and 
 Tapioca Pudding, and Fringed White Napkins 
 for a man who weareth a Black Coat, and Curl 
 Papers at breakfast. 
 
 And she said, But is not the Boudoir Cap all 
 right? 
 
26 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 And I said, The Lord hath given unto me a 
 mighty spirit of discernment so that I behold 
 under its lace and ribbon a frowsled head and 
 untidy Curl Papers. 
 
 And she said, A woman desireth to look her 
 best when she goeth out. 
 
 And I said, A woman should try as hard to 
 look well in the sight of her husband as she did 
 before he was her husband. 
 
 And I got her a second cup of tea, and 
 departed. 
 
 And as we went our way, Keturah said, I 
 beheld thee in conversation with such and such a 
 lady. How didst thou like her? 
 
 And I said unto Keturah, If that woman 
 should discover the list of women whom I have 
 selected for my second wife, she might read it, 
 softly humming. Is My Name Written There? 
 and she would seek it in vain. 
 
 And Keturah said, May I read that list? 
 
 And I said, I will typewrite it for thee and 
 paste it upon thy Mirror. 
 
 And the list that I pasted there had these 
 names and no more : 
 
 Keturah. 
 
 Keturah. 
 
 Keturah. 
 
 And Keturah said, Though I commend thy good 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 27 
 
 taste in desiring that thy first wife be also thy 
 second, and I feel duly honored, yet am I not sure 
 that I will marry as my second husband a man 
 who giveth no better reason for choosing me than 
 that I do not wear a Boudoir Cap to breakfast. 
 And I said, That may not be my only reason, 
 but it is a sufficient reason to a man who desireth 
 a few Pet Prejudices, such as mine against the 
 Boudoir Cap at breakfast. There be women 
 who nag their husbands, and women who season 
 the coffee of their husbands with Rough on 
 Rats, and I desire none of them. But I would 
 rather marry both Xantippe and Lucretia 
 Borgia than a woman who doth not comb her 
 hair until after breakfast. Yea, rather than 
 that thou shouldest come down to breakfast with 
 a Boudoir Cap hiding Curl Papers, I would see 
 thee Chew Gum in Prayer Meeting. 
 
 THINGS THAT ARE SMALL 
 
 I was putting on my Outer Garments, and 
 going unto a Committee Meeting. And I was 
 late. And Keturah said unto me. Go thou by 
 the way of the house of our Daughter, and give 
 unto her this Package, and speak unto her such 
 and such Messages, and then go thou unto thy 
 Committee Meeting. 
 
28 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 And I did even as she said unto me. But I 
 was in haste, and I tarried not long, nor sat 
 down. 
 
 And as I hastened away, I heard a great Cry, 
 and I turned back to see if the daughter of the 
 daughter of Keturah had broken her Neck. 
 And she had not broken her Neck, but I had 
 broken her Heart. 
 
 And I asked. What is the matter with my 
 Httle girl? 
 
 And she sobbed and she answered. Grandpa 
 hardly spoke to me. I am so little he does not 
 care for me. 
 
 Now when I heard this I was smitten to mine 
 heart, for it had been even as she said. And 
 the little maiden is unto me as the Apple of 
 mine Eye. But I had been in an Hurry, for 
 there was a Committee Meeting, and I was late. 
 
 And I entered the House, and I took her into 
 mine arms, and I sat in a Chair with the little 
 maiden in my lap, and with her Golden Hair 
 upon my Shoulder, and I said. Let the Com- 
 mittee Meeting go hang. 
 
 And she said, You do love me. Grandpa, don't 
 you, even if I am small? 
 
 And I said. My dear, I love thee as much as if 
 thou wert the Fat Lady in the Side Show, and 
 maybe more. Yea, I do not think it would be 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 29 
 
 possible for a Grandsire to love a little damsel 
 more than I love thee. 
 
 And she put her arms around my neck, and 
 the Committee Meeting just had to mosey 
 along as best it could till I got there. 
 
 Now after a while she got down, and we bade 
 each other an Happy Good-bye, and I went my 
 way. And as I went, I thought of the children 
 of God who sometimes get to feeling just the 
 same way, and thinking that their Heavenly 
 Father doth not care for them because they are 
 so Little, and He is busy with Great Things. 
 
 And I prayed unto my God on behalf of all 
 such Heart-Broken children of His, that He 
 will gather them in his arms, and comfort them, 
 and tell them to cast all their care upon Him, 
 for it Mattereth to Him concerning them. 
 
 ASKING AND RECEIVING 
 
 I have a friend and he hath an Automobile; 
 and as I climbed in beside him upon the front 
 seat he remarked, 
 
 The Automobile hath become a necessity. 
 
 And I answered him and said. Yea, verily: 
 it is necessary for me that my friends shall own 
 them. 
 
 And we had a fine ride. For I have an half 
 
30 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 ownership in the Cars of all my friends. And 
 they are mighty good to me. 
 
 And we rode afar. And behold there stood 
 upon the Curb a lad who looked as if he would 
 go somewhere. And my friend slowed down, 
 for he said, 
 
 Behold, that lad desireth to go in our direc- 
 tion, and we will take him in on the back seat 
 and help him on his journey. 
 
 And as we drew nigh and slowed down the 
 lad yelled, 
 
 Gimme a ride. 
 
 And he prepared to climb in. 
 
 But my friend stepped on the gas and the 
 car shot forward, and left the lad upon the 
 curb. 
 
 And my friend said. 
 
 It maketh me allfired mad the manners of this 
 rising generation. That lad was well dressed, 
 and the folk in this part of town are good 
 families; and he should know how to address a 
 gentleman and how to ask a Favour. But he 
 knoweth nothing save to make an Impudent 
 Demand. Yea, it is so with most of them. 
 Politeness to older folk is unknown to them. 
 The kids of this generation are the limit. 
 
 Now I considered this matter and I resolved 
 that I would say to the young folk of this 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 31 
 
 generation that Politeness costeth very little 
 and often helpeth one on his journey, while 
 Impudence getteth a man nowhere. And I 
 resolved that I would suggest to them that they 
 learn to say, If thou dost please, and also, I 
 thank thee. 
 
 Then I considered those who ask of God and 
 receive not because they ask amiss. And I 
 wondered if God doth not speed up the Universe 
 and leave some men standing on the curb 
 because they have not yet learned to be Polite 
 unto God. 
 
 THE LATE ARRIVAL 
 
 There liveth in a certain city a man whose 
 name is John Smith, and he hath been for many 
 years an Honest and Inconspicuous Citizen. 
 And it came to pass after many years that his 
 name began to appear Among Those Present; 
 and it seemed unto him Mighty Good to get 
 into the outer edges of the Limelight, and he 
 began to yearn for a place a little nearer unto 
 the Center of the Stage. 
 
 Now there was a great Public Banquet at the 
 leading Hotel, and all the Prominent Citizens 
 shook their Dress Suits out from the Moth 
 Balls and were present. And John Smith had a 
 
32 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 place at the Further End of the Speakers' 
 Table. 
 
 And after the Hoi PoUoi were seated, then 
 did the Occupants of the Speakers' Table file in 
 and take their seats, while the Band played. 
 It Looketh unto me like a Big Night Tonight. 
 And John Smith felt good clean down into his 
 Boots to think that a Part of that Chautauqua 
 Salute was for him. 
 
 Now there was one Vacant Seat at the Speak- 
 ers' Table, and they all knew whose it was. 
 For G. Fred Jones did habitually arrive late. 
 And when he came in about twelve minutes after 
 all the others were seated, then did the Band 
 play, Hail to the Chief. And the Presiding 
 Officer walked over and said. So good of thee to 
 come; we feared that thou hadst been detained. 
 
 Now John Smith believed all this, and he 
 said: I am wise to this little Game. It is he 
 who cometh late that getteth the Glad Hand, 
 whereas he who cometh in with the Bunch is 
 unnoticed. 
 
 Now there came another Banquet and John 
 Smith had a seat a little further from the end 
 and a little nearer to the center of the Speakers' 
 Table, and he arrived fifteen minutes late. 
 And he said: Now for the Big Noise when I 
 enter. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH z^ 
 
 And behold, as he drew nigh, he heard the 
 sound of Music, for the Band was playing. Hail, 
 Hail, the Gang's All Here, and he slipped in 
 wholly unobserved. 
 
 When he sought for his seat, behold it had 
 been given unto another, for the Presiding Officer 
 said : We thought thou wert out of Town. Now 
 behold, there are some good seats yonder by the 
 Door. Go thou away back and be thou seated. 
 
 And he went away back and sat down. And 
 he did not enjoy the Banquet a little bit, neither 
 did his food that he ate that night agree with 
 him and his applause of the Speeches lacked 
 something of Heartiness. 
 
 And he said within himself: Behold, I have 
 several times made of myself a Fool, but this is 
 the worst in all my sweet young life. For I 
 perceive that he who setteth his foot upon the 
 First Round of the Ladder of Publick Recogni- 
 tion, is a Fool if he thinketh that he hath already 
 attained. For he who hath arrived can work 
 those little stunts that increase his Popularity, 
 whereas if a man more obscure doth attempt 
 one of them, he only increaseth his obscurity. 
 
 And I considered this Truthful Tale, and I 
 said: Little Fishes Should Keep nigh unto the 
 Shore. Nevertheless there is yet hope for John 
 Smith, for he is capable of learning Wisdom 
 
34 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 from his own Folly, and that is the only real 
 way in Which Wise Men such as I have attained 
 Wisdom. For we all started with a Large 
 Endowment of Folly, and it departeth very 
 slowly from even the Wisest of Men. 
 
 THE IRON FETTERS 
 
 I rode upon a Train; and the day drew on 
 toward Evening, and the Porter came to make 
 down my Berth. And I sat for a time in the 
 next section, where was a man and a young 
 man. And the Man said. Sit here if thou wilt. 
 And he moved over. And when I sat down, 
 behold, there was something hard under me. 
 And I Essayed to remove it, but I saw what it 
 was, and I pushed it into the Corner of the Seat, 
 for I did not desire to publish unto the people 
 of the Car what I had found. And I said unto 
 the man, I am not very familiar with this kind 
 of Ornament. 
 
 And he said. It belongeth unto me. 
 
 And we talked of other things. But I saw 
 the young man's ankles that they were bound 
 with an heavy strap, so that he might walk a 
 little in the Car, but take short steps only. So 
 that not every one noticed that he was bound 
 with Fetters. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 35 
 
 And in the Night I heard in the berth that was 
 next to mine the Clank of the Fetters. For the 
 Sheriff took off the strap and placed the iron 
 fetter upon the ankle of the lad, one fetter upon 
 the lad's ankle, and one upon his own. And 
 this had they done for Four Nights. Even all 
 the way from Seattle to Syracuse. 
 
 And I listened unto the clank of the Fetters, 
 and it grieved me that it should be so. And I 
 considered that he that bindeth his fellow man 
 is bound with him; and the Keeper of a Prison 
 is himself a Prisoner; and the fetters of iron 
 wherewith a man may manacle another man 
 bind him also. 
 
 Now in the evening I had not spoken unto the 
 young man of his bonds. Neither did I let 
 him see that I had noticed him. But in the 
 morning the Sheriff spake unto me, and he said, 
 
 This young man and I have slept for four 
 nights in the same berth, bound foot to foot, and 
 neither of us have slept any too well. And last 
 night we spake of thee: and I said unto him, I 
 think that he is a man of God. And now, 
 behold, the lad desireth to speak unto thee. 
 And it may be that thou canst say good things 
 unto him. For we have come from the Coast, 
 and we get off at Syracuse, and then he goeth 
 to jail to await his Trial. 
 
36 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 So I sat with the young man, and I asked him 
 no questions, but he told me many things. 
 And the Burden of it all was this, 
 
 I have a good Father, but I thought he was 
 too strict with me, and a good Mother, but I 
 thought she was an Old Fogy. And I loved the 
 Bright Lights and the Praise of the Gang. And 
 I saw in the Movies how easily one might be 
 Rich, and I wanted some Easy Coin. There- 
 fore have they brought me back twenty-five 
 hundred miles for Grand Larceny. 
 
 And I spake unto him such words as God gave 
 unto me. And I said, Think not that the chain 
 of iron upon thy feet is thy worst Fetter. For 
 behold, thou wast chained already when thou 
 didst covet that which was not thine own: 
 and in throwing off the yoke of thy father and 
 the advice of thy mother, thou didst become the 
 Prisoner of Evil. 
 
 And he said, Verily, I know it. 
 
 And the Sheriff said. He is not a bad kid at 
 heart : but thus is it with the man that despiseth 
 the law of his father and disregardeth the tears 
 of his mother. 
 
 Now the train reached Syracuse and there 
 was a Patrol Wagon backed up at the Curb. 
 And I said unto the young man. 
 
 Tell the truth, whatever it shall cost thee. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH ^7 
 
 Take thy medicine, however so bitter it may be. 
 Beware of evil companions. Seek forgiveness 
 and help from thy God. And see that thou 
 die not until thou make thy mother proud of 
 thee. 
 
 And he asked me for my name, and the name 
 of the City where I dwelt. And he said, One 
 day I shall come to see thee; and then shall be 
 no bracelets on my wrists, neither straps nor 
 irons on my legs, but I shall be honest and free. 
 
 And I said unto him, If the Son of God shall 
 make thee free, thou shalt be free indeed. 
 
 THE GREAT GAME 
 
 I journeyed by Boat in the Good Old Summer- 
 time; and I put off my Prophet's Mantle, and I 
 wore a Short Coat and a Cap and I looked like 
 a Minister off on his Vacation save that I Draw 
 the Line at a Red Necktie. And the Ship's 
 Clock struck Five Bells, which meaneth Half 
 Past Six. So I went unto the Dining Room, 
 and the Head Steward gave me a place at a 
 Table where Three People already were seated. 
 And one of them was a Lady, and she sat Over 
 Against me. 
 
 And she sought to put me at my ease at once, 
 and to make me a Member of the Party. And 
 
38 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 she Spake unto her Husband, but she looked at 
 me, and she said: 
 
 Now this is Very Pleasant to have this Fourth 
 Place filled, for I never like to sit at a Table with 
 a Vacant Place across from me. And I am 
 sure we welcome this Gentleman to our Little 
 Group. And, furthermore, I am persuaded that 
 he is a Good Bridge Player. And after we have 
 Dined we may sit in the Aft Cabin and play a 
 Pleasant Little Game. 
 
 And her Husband, being thus admonished to 
 Follow her Lead, addressed me, saying, Welcome 
 to Our City. 
 
 And we spake of the Weather, and How Much 
 Better it was to travel by Boat than by Rail in 
 Hot Weather, and how it was a Calm Night. 
 And then the Lady Resumed the Subject of 
 Bridge. And she said. 
 
 Tell me, am I not Right? I know a Good 
 Bridge Player every time. And this also have 
 I observed, that all Really Good Bridge Players 
 Deny It. 
 
 Now if I had admitted it she would have felt 
 sure she was right, and if I had denied it she 
 would have felt more sure. Therefore, I held 
 my peace, and spake of other things. 
 
 But again she asked me, and I said, I play a 
 more serious game. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 39 
 
 And she said, Oh, I know! You men all 
 think Poker is so much better than Bridge! 
 But Poker is a Man's Game and I like it not. 
 But I just love Bridge; 
 
 And I said, The Apostle Paul speaketh of 
 Epaphroditus that he played the Gambler with 
 his life for the Lord's sake. And he commend- 
 eth his associates as Men who had Hazarded 
 their lives for the Kingdom of God. I play the 
 Great Game of Life, face to face with an inscruta- 
 ble player whose Hand is hidden so that I see 
 not the cards she holdeth. And some men call 
 her Nature, and some men Fate or Destiny, 
 but the servant of God playeth ever in the dark- 
 ness with an Angel that will not tell its name. 
 And the hazard is this, that in a world where 
 many of the Cards are black and some are red, 
 I wager my very soul that Hearts are trumps. 
 I play the Game of Life with all that I possess 
 staked on my belief that, though Money driveth 
 men mad, the Diamond and all that it repre- 
 senteth doth not take the trick; that in a world 
 where Cruelty doth abound, and War doth 
 rage, and Death doth walk abroad, the Spade 
 is not the card that winneth all things upon the 
 green table of the earth. I stake mine all upon 
 my faith that Hearts are trumps, and that Love 
 is the highest card in the pack. I bet my life 
 
40 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 that Love is after all the Greatest thing in the 
 world. That God is love, and men are brothers, 
 and that at the end of the Game when we all 
 Cash In we shall find that he who said that 
 Diamonds were trumps will go where his Money 
 will purchase nothing, and he who hath said 
 that Clubs were trumps will go where clubs and 
 cannon count for nothing, and he who hath said 
 that Spades were trumps will find that Death is 
 not a finality, but Life and Love and God and 
 Duty and Heroism and Sacrifice Win Out. 
 That is the Great Game which I play. And 
 the Stakes are High. I have Bet my Life as 
 Epaphroditus did, and have hazarded my soul 
 like the three men in the Burning Fiery Furnace. 
 I have made my wager that God is good, and 
 Love is the final law of the universe. 
 
 And I ceased, and the Lady said, 
 
 Oh, I just do love to hear you talk! Oh, I 
 think it's just grand to be able to talk like that! 
 
 And of Bridge spake they no more. 
 
 THE SHIP THAT DID NOT SAIL 
 
 He who rideth on a railway train in hot 
 weather when he might go by boat should be 
 condemned with this awful condemnation, to 
 wit, that he should be permitted to ride upon a 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 41 
 
 railway train. For this was the condemnation 
 of Judas that he went to his Own Place; so can 
 no sinner ever go to any Hell save he doth carry 
 his own Brimstone with him. 
 
 There was a day when Keturah and I sat 
 both of us together upon the Deck of a Ship 
 and we paid the fare and we said: Tonight we 
 go from Boston to Portland. 
 
 And I spake to Keturah and said, Seest thou 
 these three ships? They all leave at Six o'clock, 
 and the one over against us goes to New York. 
 We shall behold a Grand Sight when all three 
 leave the dock together. 
 
 And Keturah said. Where doth the one ahead 
 of us go? 
 
 And I answered, I know not. But it must 
 leave in order that we may leave. For its stern 
 overlappeth our bow; and because it is now nigh 
 unto six o'clock the ship cannot well leave before 
 that. Therefore know I that the three ships 
 must leave at once. 
 
 But I was mistaken. 
 
 The ship whose stern did overlap our bow was 
 Not Going Anywhere. The ship for New York 
 did leave promptly at six o'clock and ours began 
 to get ready to leave at six. But the ship that 
 was Not Going Anywhere merely slacked her 
 Cables and pulled ahead Six Fathoms or Some- 
 
42 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 thing like that, and Barely let us out. And by 
 the time our ship was out in the stream the New 
 York Boat was Two Knots down the Harbor 
 and Going Some, and we were Not In It with 
 her. Our ship left the Dock in Isolation. 
 
 Now I spake of this to Keturah, saying. The 
 Church hath great enterprises which call for 
 the Launching of Great Fleets in which many 
 Christians sail abreast, but every now and then 
 it Cometh to pass that some Sleepy Christian 
 who Isn't Going Anywhere, unless it may be to 
 Heaven, and who is Mighty Slow even about 
 that, lieth Moored to the Dock, Fore and Aft, 
 bound Bow and Stern with Cables of Tradition 
 or Habit or Inertia, and not only Spreadeth not 
 his own Sails, but lieth athwart the course of his 
 Fellow Christians till the opportunity is Just 
 Disappearing over the Horizon, and even then 
 he barely maketh Grudging Room for some one 
 else to make a Futile and Belated Start. When 
 they fail he sayeth, I told you so. 
 
 And I wish that the Christians who do not Go 
 Anywhere would go To Heaven or Somewhere, 
 and Let Other People Do Things. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 43 
 
 SOMETHING DIFFERENT 
 
 I walked In the Garden, I and the daughter 
 of the daughter of Keturah. And the Garden 
 was bright with the colors of the Spring, like 
 Eden in the day when God made man. And if 
 there were any Snakes there, I and the daughter 
 of the daughter of Keturah beheld them not. 
 
 And the little damsel plucked a Flower, and 
 she said, Grandpa, stoop down. 
 
 And I stooped down. And she placed the 
 Flower in the Buttonhole of my Coat. 
 
 And she said. That is because I love you. 
 
 And we went into the house, and Keturah 
 greeted us, and I would have passed into mine 
 own part of the house. But the daughter of 
 the daughter of Keturah constrained me. And 
 she said. Grandma, don't you see the Difference? 
 
 And Keturah said, I see that thy Grandsire 
 hath a flower which he had not when he went 
 out into the Garden. 
 
 And the little maiden said, I put it there. 
 
 And she knew in her heart that she had 
 wrought a good deed, and that she had bright- 
 ened the day. 
 
 And I looked at the Flower, and I said, I also 
 see the Difference. A man with a flower in his 
 Buttonhole hath something to live up to. 
 
44 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 The dear Lord Christ said unto his disciples, 
 Consider the Lilies; and the lilies were not the 
 only flowers that He loved. And who knoweth 
 that He desired his disciples to consider them 
 only when they were in the Field, and not when 
 they were in the Buttonhole? Even the king 
 is served by the Field, and the Field is for the 
 Buttonhole and for the residue of human 
 need. 
 
 Now I considered the Flower which the little 
 girl had given me, and I meditated on the words 
 which she had spoken unto Keturah. And I 
 tried to be particularly good unto Keturah that 
 day, and I asked of her, saying. Dost thou not 
 see the Difference? 
 
 And I sought out an high place where I could 
 speak unto the sons of men, and I said unto 
 them. 
 
 Oh, ye men, yea, and ye women also. Hearken 
 unto me, and consider the Difference. If thou 
 shalt place in thy Buttonhole one Flower, and 
 wear it until it fadeth, thou shalt by so much 
 brighten the day for many people before the 
 blossom falleth. And if thou shalt do for thy 
 fellow man one kind deed that sendeth him away 
 with a little joy in his heart, thou shalt brighten 
 for him many days, even so many as those in 
 which he remembereth thy kindness. In time 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 45 
 
 when men are depressed by the High Cost of 
 Living and the Difficulties of the Freight 
 Situation and the Fear of Panic; and in times 
 when Pestilence walketh abroad, and every man 
 talketh to his neighbor about the Flu or some 
 other Disease of men's bodies or minds, wear 
 thou a Flower in thy Buttonhole, and a Smile 
 on thy Face and a Song in thy Heart. So shall 
 no evil befall thee, nor any plague come nigh 
 thy dwelling, and thou shalt be one of God's 
 messengers unto others. For men will notice 
 the Difference. 
 
 And if so be that the Flower is placed there 
 by any little maiden like unto the daughter of 
 the daughter of Keturah, then shalt thou also 
 notice a Difference. For she maketh a Very 
 Important Difference. 
 
 THE MOVING VEHICLES 
 
 I rode in a Railway Train, and it was late at a 
 Junction where I changed Cars. And a man 
 rode with me and changed at the same place. 
 And we got out of one train and into another 
 and were quick about it. And he said unto me, 
 For a man of thine age, thou leavest and board- 
 est a train with agility. 
 
 And he asked. What is thine Occupation? 
 
46 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 And I answered and said, I am employed in 
 jumping on and off Moving Vehicles, such as 
 Cabs and Taxis and Automobiles and such like. 
 
 And he said, In what Race dost thou perform 
 these Stunts? 
 
 And I said, The Human Race. 
 
 And he said, Thou speakest in Riddles. 
 
 And I said. There are two processions that 
 never stop, and they go in opposite ways, and I 
 ride in them both. And I jump constantly 
 from one to the other. For I ride behind the 
 Hearse and have no time to change my clothes 
 or my mind before I ride to the Wedding. And 
 the sounds of the Dirge mingle ever in mine ears 
 with those of the Wedding March. And the 
 rattling of the rice on the windows of the car- 
 riage is echoed by the sound of the dust falling 
 upon the coffin in the grave. 
 
 And he said, I cannot understand how a man 
 can stand it. I should think it would drive thee 
 crazy. But perchance it cometh not so hard 
 when a man getteth used to it? 
 
 And I said, Friend, I never shall get used to 
 it. There lieth some part of my heart in every 
 grave where I have stood and committed dust 
 to dust. The joy of the bride and the hope of the 
 bridegroom are as mine own joy and hope. 
 
 And he said. Thine must be a sadly mixed 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 47 
 
 life. I envy thee not thy job. Yea, I have 
 thought mine own job an hard one, but thou 
 canst give me cards and spades. 
 
 And I said, O my friend, there again thou 
 art mistaken. For my work is one of joy. 
 When I go unto the house of mourning, there do 
 I go with a message of comfort and hope. And 
 when I meet the bride and the groom before the 
 Altar of God and bless them ere they go forth 
 to the establishment of a new home, then do I 
 add to their joy. And when they come again 
 and meet me there and bring with them a little 
 child, of whose like is the Kingdom of God, 
 then again is their joy the more perfect by reason 
 of that which I say and do in the name of the 
 Lord. 
 
 And he said, Nevertheless, I shall remember 
 hereafter that the business of being a prophet of 
 the Lord calleth for more agility than I had 
 supposed. 
 
 And I said, There may be no harm in that. 
 
 PERHAPS 
 
 I spake unto Keturah, saying, I must hie me 
 unto the shop of the Barber. 
 
 Now the daughter of the daughter of Keturah 
 was there, and she spake unto me, saying, 
 
48 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 Grandpa, the Barber giveth unto every one 
 that hath his hair cut a Stick of Gum. Wilt 
 thou bring the Gum unto me? 
 
 And I answered and said unto her, 
 Alas, my little maiden, it cannot be. Youth 
 hath many privileges which belong not unto 
 those advanced in years, and among them is the 
 privilege of receiving Gum from the Barber. 
 If there come unto the shop of the Barber a 
 nice little girl, and she sitteth very quietly in 
 his chair while he bobbeth her hair just below 
 her ears, unto her doth he give a Stick of Gum. 
 And peradventure there come unto his shop a 
 Small Boy, and he maketh no fuss, but remain- 
 eth quietly in the chair, and goeth forth smiling 
 ke Mr. Zip-zip-zip, with his hair cut just as 
 short as mine, unto him also doth the Barber 
 give a Stick of Gum. But unto aged men like 
 unto thy Grandpa doth he give no Gum, yea, 
 though they be never so good. Rejoice in thy 
 youth, and congratulate thyself that thou hast 
 entered into the Kingdom of Heaven as a little 
 child. For youth there is balm in Gilead, but 
 for Grandpa there is no Gum in Goodness. 
 
 And she said, Grandpa, across the street from 
 the shop of the Barber is a Drug Store. And in 
 the Drug Store there is Gum. Howbeit, they 
 give thee not one stick but five, and thou 
 
SAP ED AND KETURAH 49 
 
 shalt give unto the man in the white coat a 
 Nickel. 
 
 And I said, Between one stick which the Bar- 
 ber giveth free and five sticks which the man with 
 the white coat in the Drug Store giveth for a nick- 
 el, is a measurable difference in good hard Cash. 
 
 And she waited a moment, and she said, 
 Grandpa, wilt thou bring me the Gum? 
 
 And I said. Perhaps. 
 
 And she considered, and she asked, saying, 
 Grandpa, what is the meaning of " Perhaps "? 
 
 And I said, the word Perhaps is a word of 
 widely different connotations. For sometimes it 
 meaneth, Not if I can think of some good reason 
 for not doing it. And again it meaneth, It 
 shall never be done. And once, a very long 
 time ago, when I asked something of thy Grand- 
 ma, and she said, Perhaps, that was a meaning 
 still different. 
 
 And she said, Grandpa, what doth Perhaps 
 mean when a little girl asketh her Grandpa for 
 Gum and she asketh him very nicely and sayeth 
 Please? 
 
 And I said. It meaneth that she shall have 
 the Gum. 
 
 And she got it. 
 
 Now Keturah heard all this, and she said 
 nothing, but I sawhersmiling as though the 
 
50 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 little maiden were learning some things which 
 her grandmother knew a long time ago. 
 
 And I said unto Keturah, I wonder if I could 
 write a Parable about the different meanings of 
 a word? 
 
 And Keturah said, Perhaps. 
 
 THE COURAGE OF THE CAPTAIN 
 
 It came to pass many years ago, that I jour- 
 neyed, and I rode upon a Steamboat upon the 
 Great River, even the Mississippi. And there 
 occurred a fight upon the lower deck of the boat, 
 and one man stabbed another man in the 
 neck, so that he bled much. And he would have 
 stabbed him again and killed him, save that the 
 Captain descended from the Hurricane Deck, 
 and whether he descended by the Stairs or by a 
 Parachute, or whether he Leaped Down, no one 
 could remember. And the Captain came be- 
 tween the men as they fought, and took away the 
 knife from the man who had it, and brought it 
 unto me with the blood still wet upon it, and 
 said, Here is a Pretty Little Souvenir of life 
 upon the River. 
 
 And I have that knife unto this day. 
 
 Now on that boat they told me much about 
 the Captain, how that he feared God, but 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 51 
 
 neither man nor devil; and how that he was 
 Boss of the Boat from the Boiler Room to 
 the Pilot House, and that no man dared bat 
 an eye until he first had permission from 
 the Old Man. For upon the Mississippi the 
 name of the Captain of all boats is the Old 
 Man. 
 
 And the Captain took me into his own room 
 hard by the Pilot House, and behold, it was a 
 Young Arsenal. For he had a Magazine Rifle, 
 and a Pair of Revolvers, and some more Revolv- 
 ers, and a Knife. And men spake softly when 
 they passed that room, for few of them had seen 
 the inside of it, and they had heard terrible 
 things about the number of men whom the Cap- 
 tain had slaughtered and eaten before breakfast 
 when they Got Gay on his boat. 
 
 But all men held the Old Man in honor, 
 neither was there a man on the boat but would 
 have fought for him, save that the Old Man 
 bade every man stand back and not get hurt 
 while he attended to matters. 
 
 And when the Captain fought, he carried 
 with him no Gun nor Knife nor Stick, but his 
 Bare Hands only. And in his room were Dirks 
 and Guns and Brass Knuckles that he had taken 
 away from men who fought. 
 
 Now after many years I met the Captain, and 
 
52 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 he had retired from thefRiver. And we sat and 
 talked long together. 
 
 And I said, I have seen many brave men, but 
 I incline to the Opinion that thou art a Little 
 Bit the bravest piece of sheer manhood I have 
 ever known. 
 
 And the Captain said, Deceive not thyself. 
 I am a man of Great Timidity. Therefore did I 
 always make it a point to get into the Fight 
 Right Away; and when I got in, then, of course, 
 even a coward doth know that he must see it 
 through. But had I waited to consider, then 
 should I never have fought; for I am Very 
 Timid. But it was my Duty to keep Order on 
 my Boat, and when I dealt with Gamblers and 
 Cutthroats and with drunken Roustabouts, then 
 did I know exactly what I was Up Against, and 
 acted accordingly. 
 
 And I asked him. How many men hast thou 
 killed and eaten? 
 
 And he said. It is my daily comfort and for it 
 I devoutly thank my God, that I never inflicted 
 any permanent injury on any fellow man. 
 
 And I said, How often didst thou get hurt? 
 
 And he said, I was on the River from the time 
 I was eight years old until I was three score and 
 ten, and I never got a scratch. 
 
 And I said, I still think thee a most brave man. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 53 
 
 But he answered, Nay, it was lucky for me 
 that men knew not how much of a Coward I 
 was, and that I never had time to think. For 
 being a Timid Man, I got into the fight at the 
 start. 
 
 And I said. Blessed are the peacemakers who 
 get into the fight at the start, and save lives and 
 do brave deeds and keep the boat in order and 
 neither hurt nor get hurt. 
 
 And he said. It may be so. But I was 
 always a Timid Man. 
 
 But I still think him the Bravest Man I have 
 known. 
 
 RISING ABOVE THE CLOUDS 
 
 I rode upon a Railway Train; and we were 
 in the Rocky Mountains. And we awoke in 
 the morning, and the Train was climbing, with 
 two Engines pulling us, and one pushing behind. 
 And we were nigh unto Twelve Furlongs above 
 the Sea. 
 
 And it came to pass as we ascended, that there 
 were clouds below us, and Clouds upon the sides 
 of Mountains, but there were no Clouds above 
 us, but the clear shining of the Morning Sun. 
 
 And there came unto me a small Girl and her 
 younger Brother, who were riding upon the 
 
54 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 Train, and we talked about the Clouds. For so 
 did John Ruskin, and Aristophanes, and the 
 little lad was very happy, and he said, 
 
 I have never been above the Clouds before. 
 
 And his sister was Worldly-wise. And she 
 said, A Cloud ain't nothing but just fog. 
 
 And he said, Nay, but this is more. And 
 behold now, how then is a Cloud just under us, 
 and we ride upon the top of it? 
 
 And she said. We are on the Rails, just as we 
 always have been; and there can't nobody ride 
 on a Cloud. 
 
 And the boy said, Jesus can ride upon a 
 Cloud; for I saw a Picture of Him. 
 
 And the little girl said. Yes, but that ain't 
 us. 
 
 Now the little girl may have been right; but 
 I thought within myself that this world hath 
 too many people who look out on Life through 
 her windows. For they see no sunlit Clouds, 
 but only Fog; and they have little faith in 
 rising above Clouds, but have confidence only 
 in the Rails. 
 
 And I do not despise Rails, nor advise people 
 to discard them and ride upon Clouds. Never- 
 theless, I have seen people rise above Clouds, 
 and live in the sunlight of God. And I have 
 known others who, whenever it is said unto them, 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 55 
 
 Thus have other men done, or thus did the 
 good Lord Jesus, make reply. Yes, but that ain't 
 us. 
 
 And if it is spoken concerning the House of 
 God, Thus did the Synagogue in Jonesville, and 
 thus was it done by the Church in Smithville, 
 they answer. Yes, but that ain't us. 
 
 And if it be said, Thou shouldest be a better 
 man; for other men have risen above thy 
 Clouds and thine Infirmities, they say. Yes, 
 but that ain't us. 
 
 And when it is said, Thus hath the grace of 
 God abounded in other lives, they say. Yes, but 
 that ain't us. 
 
 But if it ain't, why ain't it? 
 
 For this cause did God dwell in human flesh 
 that men should never count any good thing 
 impossible that they behold in the dear Lord 
 Jesus. 
 
 For he is our peace, who hath broken down all 
 middle walls, that men should no longer say, 
 But that ain't us. 
 
 THE OYSTER SHELL 
 
 I have a friend who hath a Summer Cottage 
 by the Seaside. And he said unto me, Come and 
 spend a day with me and I will give thee the 
 
56 SAFED AND KBTURAH 
 
 Time of thy Sweet Young Life. And I spent 
 the day, and he did all that he said he would do, 
 and among the things that he did to me was a 
 Shore Dinner. And we ate Clam Chowder and 
 Fried Mackerel, and Stewed Cod and Baked 
 Bluefish, and Lobster Salad. Likewise did we 
 eat Stewed Clams and Oysters on the Half 
 Shell. And I gave thanks to God who made me 
 to suck of the Abundance of the Seas and of 
 treasures hid in the Sands. 
 
 Now while we were eating the Oysters I was 
 thinking, and I said. He was a Brave Man who 
 ate the first Oyster. And as I spake I bit upon 
 something hard. And behold it was a pearl, 
 albeit not a very good one. 
 
 And we spake of the Pearl, and how it cometh 
 of an Hurt to the Oyster, that is made by a 
 Grain of Sand, that getteth into the Shell, and 
 the Oyster cannot get it out; and how it 
 Woundeth him sore, so that there cometh from 
 the Oyster a very Precious juice that congealeth 
 where the Sand doth irritate, and maketh a 
 pearl. 
 
 And my friend saith, It is a pity that Pearl 
 thou hast found is not a good one; for then 
 couldest thou have sold it and gotten thee gain. 
 
 And I answered, Though I sell it not, yet have 
 I gotten gain therefrom. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 57 
 
 And he said, Tell me how. 
 
 And I said, The oyster is not in all respects the 
 highest type of a Christian; yet in this hath he 
 something to teach even to Christian men, so 
 that there is no man but may learn from him 
 and be wiser. 
 
 And he said, It may be so, but all this is news 
 to me. 
 
 And I said, Oh, my friend, the race of mankind 
 liveth. Each man in his own Oyster Shell, and 
 no man knoweth fully what hurt another man 
 hideth. But there is no shell that shutteth out 
 the irritating Sands of Grief and Circumstance, 
 and few men meet the cutting, wounding intru- 
 sions of life so well as doth the Oyster. I have 
 been young and am now old, and I have seen 
 men in all manner of misfortune, and have seen 
 them meet life's adversities in every possible 
 manner. There may not be much that a Chris- 
 tian can learn from an Oyster, but the Good God 
 so made the world as that even the Oyster may 
 speak to men who now are crushed by their 
 sorrows and say to them, Heal thy hurt with a 
 Pearl. 
 
58 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 THE GRAVITY TROLLEY 
 
 I journeyed unto a distant State, even to 
 California, and I rode upon a Trolley that ran 
 Six Miles back from the Railway Station into 
 the hills. And I observed that all the way as 
 we Ascended, the Motorman consumed Electric 
 Current, but when we Descended, then did he 
 shut off the Juice, and controlled our speed by 
 means of the Brake, with an Emergency Brake 
 at hand, and I spake unto certain of those with 
 whom I rode, of the Trolley, and of how the 
 Road-bed was all Up-Hill one way, and all 
 Down-Hill the other way; and how they used 
 two different kinds of Power, even Electricity 
 and Gravitation, and each of them in one 
 direction only. 
 
 And one of them spake unto me, saying. Thus 
 it was intended when this Road was Surveyed, 
 and before they had Electric Power; for in that 
 day did they haul the cars Up-Hill with Mules; 
 and there was a Platform upon the Rear of the 
 Car, and the Mules Ascended the Platform and 
 rode down. And they told me how the Mules 
 soon learned the trick, so that as soon as they 
 were unhitched they hastened to the rear of the 
 car and climbed up. 
 
 And others told me many things about those 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 59 
 
 Mules; and a certain Woman procured for me a 
 Picture of the Car with the Passengers riding 
 Inside and the Mules riding Outside, and the 
 Mules enjoying it as much as the Passengers. 
 And it pleased me much. 
 
 Now it came to pass in time that the Electric 
 Current Emancipated the Mules, and the 
 Owners of the Trolley sold the Mules. And 
 farmers bought them at a good price, for the 
 Mules were fat and strong. But it was a Bad 
 Buy for the farmers. 
 
 For those Mules would pull the Plow Up-Hill 
 to the end of the Furrow, and then turn around 
 and seek to climb up on the reat end of the Plow 
 in order that they might ride down! And when 
 they found no Platform, then were they 
 Troubled in their Mind and much Bewildered. 
 Neither was it Possible ever to teach them to 
 pull any load Down-Hill. 
 
 Now I know many people with whom this 
 System worketh the other way, and who are very 
 willing to be hitched up to a job that runneth 
 down hill by Gravity or the labor of others, but 
 who insist upon riding or being Unhitched when 
 the Trolley hitteth the up-grade. For the work 
 of the Lord hath its Up-Hill and its Down-Hill 
 aspects, and if there be any Platforms provided 
 for those who would ride, thou shalt find them 
 
6o SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 already occupied by kindred souls who have 
 beaten them to it. 
 
 THE FROG AND THE HORNET 
 
 There came to me a man who said, 
 
 I have many unpleasant experiences. 
 
 And I said unto him, Thou art not the Only 
 Pebble on the Beach. 
 
 And he said, But mine are such as I cannot 
 speak of, and they Humiliate me. For my 
 occupation is such that I am beholden to those 
 who Exasperate me, yet must I say nothing, 
 and it is not easy to Grin and Bear it. 
 
 And I said unto him, I walked one day through 
 the Forest, and I came upon a Little Pool. 
 And in the margin of the Pool was there a Frog. 
 And he sat as Immovable as the Sphinx sitteth 
 amid the sands; so sat he in the mud. 
 
 And as I regarded him, there came an Hornet, 
 and lighted a little space away from him, as it 
 were an half or two parts of a Cubit. And the 
 Frog gave no sign that he saw the Hornet or 
 me, but sat in the mud immovable. But when 
 the Hornet let down his wings and began to sip 
 of the water that was in the mud, then did the 
 Frog leap. And it was a marvelous leap, for 
 he seemed to make No Preparation for it, neither 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 6i 
 
 to pull himself together or to take thought of 
 the distance, but rose as if he had been shot from 
 a Gun, and landed so that his mouth came 
 exactly where the Hornet was. And the Frog 
 Gobbled the Hornet before the Hornet realized 
 that Anything Had Occurred. 
 
 Now when I saw that, I said. That was a 
 Mighty Good Jump, and accurately measured, 
 but that Frog hath procured for himself a Prize 
 Package the nature whereof he knoweth not. 
 And I looked that the Hornet should have bored 
 him full of Gimlet Holes from the inside out. 
 And I said. Surely that Frog will immediately 
 display all the Characteristic Symptoms of 
 Appendicitis. 
 
 But if it gave him Stomach Ache he showed it 
 not, but settled himself in the same old place, and 
 waited as if he were the more content for having 
 had a pinch of Mustard with his Meat. 
 
 And I said unto the man. Be like unto that 
 Frog. And if thou must swallow a Sting with 
 thy Daily Bread, do it so Contentedly that no 
 man shall know that thou hast colic. But 
 if the time cometh to leap, then do thou leap so 
 that thou shalt swallow not only the Sting but 
 the Stinger. 
 
 And he said. Shall I wait till I may avenge 
 myself? 
 
62 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 And I said, There are more kinds of revenge 
 than one. And most of them hurt the Avenger 
 more than the Avenged; so that I commend 
 them not. Consider the Divers Kinds, and 
 be ready for that which is best, and if thou forget 
 all thought of revenge, so much the better. 
 Meantime, let not the sting interfere with thy 
 Digestion nor thy Prayer. 
 
 THE BAROMETER 
 
 There was a day when I went down to the 
 Sea in Ships, and made a Voyage on Great 
 Waters. And when I returned to my Home, I 
 brought a Barometer, which Sailors call a 
 Glass. And Keturah esteemeth it not, and 
 declareth that it telleth what the Weather was 
 Yesterday. But I think Highly of it. 
 
 Now there came to me a man who had been a 
 Sinner, and he had Repented. But at times 
 his Temptations beset him so that he Fell. 
 And he wept much as he told me of his sins. 
 
 And I said. How often didst thou Get Drunk 
 in the old days? 
 
 And he answered. Just once, and it Lasted 
 Over Continually. 
 
 And I said. When thou didst first repent, how 
 frequently didst thou fall? 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 63 
 
 And he said, About once in a Month. 
 
 And I said, How long is it now Between 
 Falls? 
 
 And he said. Sometimes Three Months, and 
 Sometimes Six. I gain a Little, but it is Very 
 Slow. And the longer it is between Falls, the 
 more I Despise Myself that I should fall at all. 
 
 And I asked him, What dost thou think of the 
 Weather? 
 
 And he was astonished at my question, but he 
 answered, and said. It is a Rainy Day. 
 
 And I said. This is a fine Barometer. What 
 doth it say? 
 
 And he saith, The Finger pointeth to Rain. 
 
 And I tapped lightly on the Glass and the 
 finger moved upward a Very Little. 
 
 And I said. Before tomorrow Night it will be 
 Fair. 
 
 And he said, How can that be when the 
 Barometer saith Rain? 
 
 And I said. There was an old Sailor man who 
 swore to me by the gods of the sea, even Nep- 
 tune and Davy Jones, saying, A Barometer is an 
 Everlasting Liar if thou readest only the words 
 around the Dial. For it is Not a Question of 
 Where it Pointeth only, but Which Way it 
 Moveth. 
 
 And I said, My friend, thy Soul's Barometer 
 
64 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 Moveth Upward. Trust God, keep up thy 
 Courage and thou shalt Surely Conquer. 
 
 And as he went his way, Lo, the clouds 
 parted, and there appeared a Little Patch of 
 Blue Sky. 
 
 THE PRIVATE CAR 
 
 There is a certain man whose abiding place 
 is a city where is a great Railway Station, even 
 a Terminal, and this man determined within 
 himself that he would go upon a Journey. 
 So he walked unto the Terminal, and he bought 
 a Ticket, and he paid the Fare. And he pre- 
 sented the Ticket at a Gate where stood a 
 Watchman and the Watchman punched his 
 Ticket and spake unto him saying. Thy train 
 is all ready on Track Number Six. 
 
 And he beheld the Cars, and they were filling 
 up rapidly. And he said, Behold, they will all 
 be crowded, and I shall suffer Discomfort. 
 
 And he beheld the last Car, which was nearest 
 unto the Gate, and behold, there was no one in 
 it. And he said, 
 
 This will I do. I will go into that Car, and I 
 shall have Abundant Room. 
 
 So he went within, and he had all the Room he 
 Wanted, even the Whole Car. And he smiled 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 65 
 
 within himself when he thought of the other 
 Passengers who were Jammed into the other 
 Cars. 
 
 And while he was Hugging Himself for Joy, 
 and considering what a smart Guy he was, 
 behold, the train pulled out, and left him and his 
 Private Car standing upon the track. 
 
 And he rushed out and spake angrily unto the 
 Watchman, and he said. Wherefore am I left 
 behind? 
 
 And the Watchman said, That is an Extra 
 Car which we keep on the track to use in case 
 there be a greater crowd than we expect, but 
 today there was no great crowd. Yea, and 
 there had been room enough for thee in one of 
 the cars that went, but thou didst want more 
 room, and thou hast all the room in sight. Yea, 
 and upon the Side Track out in the yard are 
 many empty cars. Thou canst take thy seat in 
 any one of them. But if thou desirest to ride 
 unto the City for which thy Ticket readeth, 
 behold there will be another train in four hours 
 and fifteen minutes; and take heed that thou 
 enter the cars that go. 
 
 Now, this I beheld, for I was in the Station, 
 even the Terminal, and I saw that man, yea, and 
 I heard that man: and what I heard was a 
 plenty. 
 
66 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 And I considered that often I am caught in 
 the Jam of Hfe, with people crowding and push- 
 ing, and it were much more comfortable to find 
 a quiet seat in some Rear Car, where the wicked 
 cease from troubling and the weary are at rest. 
 But I considered how that if a man is to get any- 
 where he must go with Folks, even though they 
 crowd, and that no one man can do very much 
 without the companionship and help of other 
 men. Therefore did I resolve to keep out of the 
 Private Cars that do not go nor get a man any- 
 where but learn the art of going and working 
 with other men. For I have seen that for the 
 lack of the ability to do this, some men are left 
 on the track in their own Private Car, while the 
 enterprises of life move on. 
 
 REFORMERS 
 
 There came unto me a Reformer, and desired 
 me to join his Organization for the Elimination 
 of Superfluous Buttons from the Back of the 
 Coats of Men. And he solicited my Contribu- 
 tion. And he did not persuade me to part with 
 any of my Hard Earned Cash. And he read 
 unto me Statisticks concerning the number of 
 men who had been Held Up by Robbers catch- 
 ing hold of the Buttons as they were fleeing, 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 67 
 
 and of the men who were caught in Machinery 
 and pulled in by the Buttons. And he had 
 computed that if the cost of the Buttons were 
 saved, it would provide Chewing-gum and Nose- 
 powder for Nine Million Stenographers for a 
 Thousand Years. 
 
 And I said, There are More Important Evils 
 for me to fight. 
 
 And he said, How darest thou say that any 
 Evil is unimportant? 
 
 And I said, I know not what Evils God 
 esteemeth small, or whether He esteemeth any 
 Evil to be Unimportant. But I know that no 
 one man can fight all the evils in the world at 
 one time, save within his own soul ; and that the 
 officer who marcheth his men against Impregna- 
 ble Breastworks is Court- Martialed and Shot; 
 and he who fireth a Big Bertha to kill a Mosquito 
 is cashiered. Therefore will I fight the evils 
 which I can probably overcome, and which are 
 great enough to deserve my Limited Effort. 
 
 And he said. Thou art an Apologist for Sin. 
 
 And I said. Thou liest. Nevertheless, hear a 
 Parable. There is a certain City where the 
 Police went on strike. And that was not so 
 Appalling as the fact that Thousands of men 
 who had appeared Lawful broke out forthwith 
 in Lawlessness. And after certain days of 
 
68 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 Window-smashing and Looting and Violence, 
 when Order began to be restored, there came 
 unto the Chief Captain of the PoHce a Com- 
 mittee of certain good men who said, Behold, 
 there are a Thousand Games of Craps running 
 Wide-open on the Common, and only Six 
 Policemen, and they heed it not. Now send 
 more Policemen, and stop them. 
 
 And the Chief Captain called his Sergeant, 
 and he said. Pull off them Six Cops, and send 
 them to Scollay Square; and see if thou canst 
 start a few Crap-games in Harvard Yard or 
 around Bunker Hill Monument. 
 
 And he said unto the Committee, Those 
 Thousand Crap Games look Awful Good to me. 
 They mean that there are about Four Thousand 
 men there who might otherwise be Raising 
 Rough House in Scollay Square; and they are 
 taking the Long Green from one another 
 instead of Sticking-up law-abiding citizens. 
 Unto every man whom I find Shooting Craps 
 will I give Absent Treatment. 
 
 And the Reformer said, Evil is always Evil 
 and should always be opposed. 
 
 And I said, The Crap-shooting on the Com- 
 mon was a Temporary Mustard Plaster to draw 
 Congestion from Inflamed Spots. 
 
 And the Reformer said, I verily believe that 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 69 
 
 thou art thyself a wearer of Buttons upon the 
 Back of thy Coat. Turn thee around that I 
 may see and rebuke thee. 
 
 And I said, Thou shalt not see my back, but 1 
 will Mighty Soon see thine. 
 
 And I opened the Front Door and he departed. 
 
 And this I did, not that I would call any Evil 
 Small, but that even good men and Reformers 
 are entitled to a moderate sense of proportion. 
 
 THE MAN WHO SAW NEW YORK 
 
 A certain man went to New York, and he 
 bought him an Excess Fare Ticket, and he 
 boarded the Twentieth Century Limited, and 
 he felt very important because he was getting off 
 one portion of the surface of the earth and upon 
 another somewhat more swiftly than did his 
 grandfather when he traversed the same road in 
 the other direction three score years and ten 
 before. For his grandfather drave an ox-cart 
 westward and saved money, and he drave the 
 Twentieth Century eastward and flung money 
 out of the car window. And in that fashion do 
 men of this generation rise to a position of 
 superiority above their grandfathers. 
 
 And he came into the city of Little Old New 
 York. And he entered a great Inn hard by the 
 
70 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 station, so that he entered it by the Subway, and 
 he went not upon the street. 
 
 And when the morning came he entered the 
 Subway again, and ran down to Wall Street. 
 And the building where he did business had its 
 own Subway Entrance, so that his feet pressed 
 not the soil of New York. 
 
 And he descended again into the Subway and 
 returned unto Forty-second Street, for he had an 
 errand in Times Square, and he followed the 
 Green Line to the Shuttle Train, and did his 
 business in Times Square, and he followed the 
 Black Line back to the Shuttle Train and he 
 returned unto Forty-second Street. And a 
 friend invited him to lunch at the Yale Club, and 
 he entered that from the Subway. And he took 
 an Uptown Express and went many miles, 
 and he poked his head out of the Subway long 
 enough to see Grant's Tomb. Then he looked 
 at his watch and hastened back into the Subway 
 and returned to the Inn, and paid his bill, 
 which was Some Bill, and he grabbed his bag 
 and hustled into the Subway and followed the 
 Green Line to the Shuttle Train, and got off at 
 Times Square and took the Downtown Express 
 to the Pennsylvania Station and entered it 
 from the Subway, and returned unto his home. 
 
 And he said unto his friends, I have seen Little 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 71 
 
 Old New York; and behold, it is an Hole in the 
 Ground. 
 
 But New York hath an Elevated as well as a 
 Subway, and he knew it not. And it hath cars 
 that travel on the surface as well as those that 
 go above and below it; and busses that go up 
 Fifth Avenue, and Rubberneck wagons with a 
 man with a megaphone. And it hath Churches 
 and Libraries and Art Galleries, and he had seen 
 only the Subway. 
 
 And many a man goeth into a strange city 
 and hunteth out its underground life, and saith, 
 It is a wicked, wicked city. But the city was 
 not wicked save only that wicked men acted 
 wickedly in it. 
 
 And, beloved, there be those who travel 
 through life in the Subway : neither do they even 
 suspect how large is God's world above ground, 
 nor how nobly a man may live who keepeth 
 himself upon an higher level. 
 
 And I considered these things, and I said in 
 mine heart that I will live the life of one who 
 useth this world at its best, and who discovereth 
 in it more than that which may be discovered 
 by the life of the Subway. 
 
y2 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 THE COCOANUT CAKES 
 
 I was not always aged, but was once young. 
 And I sojourned in a School of the Prophets. 
 And on the day before the Sabbath I rode every 
 week Nineteen Miles that on the Sabbath Day I 
 might speak the word of God to the people in a 
 Little White Synagogue with a Tall Steeple. 
 And on the day after the Sabbath I rode back 
 again. And there were times when the Roads 
 were bad, so that for every foot that my horse 
 went forward, he sank in the mud unto the depth 
 of an half of a foot; so 1 went down through 
 Nine Miles and the half of a Mile of mud before 
 I got there. But when I arrived then did the 
 good people welcome me into warm homes and 
 clean beds and set before me hot suppers. 
 
 For I boarded around among them. 
 
 And at the first place where I abode for a 
 Sabbath, the good woman set before me Cocoa- 
 nut Cake. And I ate plentifully thereof. 
 
 Now the women of the other homes inquired 
 of her, saying. How didst thou like the Young 
 Minister? And is he hard to entertain? And 
 doth he cause thee much trouble? And is he 
 fussy? And what doth he like to eat? 
 
 And she said. He is not fussy, and he keepeth 
 out of the kitchen, and when he hath a book he 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 73 
 
 doth not bother the hostess with Theology; 
 and he said unto me that Cocoanut Cake is his 
 Favorite Cake. 
 
 Now all the women told all the other women, 
 saying, The Young Minister loveth Cocoanut 
 Cake. 
 
 And they all knew how to make Cocoanut 
 Cake, and they all made it. And wherever I 
 went, there did they set before me Cocoanut 
 Cake. 
 
 Now thou wilt surely think within thine heart 
 that I got so much Cocoanut Cake that I 
 abhorred it, and that I have never liked it 
 since. But thou hast another Think coming. 
 For thou knowest not what sort of Cocoanut 
 Cake the women of that Parish make. Yea, 
 for three years did I eat it with scarce ever a 
 break in the record, save that there also they 
 make Cake with Maple Sugar Frosting. And he 
 that hath eaten that kind of Cake knoweth that 
 that is about the best ever. 
 
 For there be some things of which no man can 
 ever have too much. And when mine heart 
 goeth back across the years, then do I remember 
 the long rides, and the times that I drave up in 
 the dark and the cold, and how they stabled 
 mine horse knee-deep in clean straw, and put a 
 sack of oat-i under the buggy-seat when I 
 
74 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 departed, and maybe also a Bushel of Potatoes 
 or a Sack of Apples or a Can of Maple Syrup. 
 And I know that I shall never have too much of 
 any of the good things which they bestowed upon 
 me, nor of the love that was in them all. 
 
 And now and then as the years go by, and one 
 and another of those I loved is called unto his 
 long home, then do they send for me to come and 
 say a word of love before the dust returneth unto 
 dust. And ever there is some good woman who 
 hath a table set for me in her home; and there 
 do I always find Cocoanut Cake. 
 
 And whenever I eat of Cocoanut Cake that is 
 Unusually Nice, then do I remember the friends 
 of my early Ministry as a Messenger of God, and 
 I love them yet. 
 
 THE VIOL THAT WAS ALMOST IN 
 TUNE 
 
 Whether a man that is Regenerate hath all 
 parts of him equally Regenerate, hath been 
 discussed by grave men in councils of old time. 
 And I have sometimes inquired of my soul 
 whether there lingered in me any element of the 
 unregenerate that had gotten as far down as my 
 Toes. And this question I ask myself when I 
 listen to Musick other than that of the Sanctu- 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 75 
 
 ary, even to the Viol, which the profane call the 
 Fiddle, when it is Played Skillfully. For when 
 it playeth of an Ancient man named Daniel 
 whose surname was Tucker, or discourseth upon 
 the wonders of creation in Pop goeth the Weasel, 
 or relateth the adventures of the Pilgrim in 
 Arkansaw, then do I notice that my Sandals rise 
 a little space from the Floor and come down 
 again. 
 
 Now I was in the home of a friend whose 
 Daughter had taken lessons upon the Viol, and 
 she essayed to play for me. And she sawed long 
 upon her Instrument to get it worse out of tune 
 than it was already, and she said, I have not a 
 very Good ear for the Tuning, but I can play 
 the melody well. 
 
 And she played me a Polonaise in A Flat. 
 And the Polonaise I comprehended not, but the 
 A Flat I was fully conscious of. And I noticed 
 that she had the Technique Down Fine. For 
 she first folded a Silk Handerchief and placed it 
 against her Neck where the Viol Rested, and 
 the Handkerchief was well chosen for the 
 Harmony of its Color with her Dress, and 
 needed it at that place. Likewise did she 
 Vibrate her finger upon the String as her teacher 
 had Instructed her. And she drew her Bow with 
 the precision of a Director of Calisthenics. 
 
ye SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 But her A string was Flat, and her E string was 
 Sharp, and her other strings were both of them 
 Just a Little Bit Off. 
 
 And her father listened with Pride, for he had 
 paid Three Hundred Dollars for the Instrument, 
 and more than that for the Teacher, and his 
 daughter had learned to Render Great Composi- 
 tions, even Polonaises in A Flat and such like 
 Music, and she had acquired Technique, and 
 the proper method of folding her Silk Handker- 
 chief. But she had not the Kingdom of God 
 within her so that she should know when all 
 four of her Strings were a Little Bit off. 
 
 Now I would rather that my daughter and 
 my sons should play for me Musick which is 
 Less Ambitious, and play it upon Well Tuned 
 Instruments, even the Money Musk, and the 
 Irish Washerwoman and the Turkey in the 
 Straw, than to render for my Edification Polo- 
 naises in A Flat wherein I get more of the Flat- 
 ness than of the Polonaise. 
 
 For a Simple thing that is rendered Artisti- 
 cally is effective when an Ambitious thing poorly 
 done is the more conspicuously a Failure. And 
 there be many things well played as to technique 
 whereof the strings are a Little Bit Off. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH yy 
 
 THE ROADRUNNER 
 
 I and Keturah we went unto a far land, even 
 unto California, and we sojourned there certain 
 days. And our friends in that place were kind 
 unto us, neither did we set foot upon the ground 
 if they could prevent it; for they took us in 
 their gas-driven Chariots, and showed unto us a 
 Good Time. 
 
 And as we rode along a great Highway, we 
 beheld a Bird, that is tall and graceful, that 
 runneth along the road or beside it, and that 
 seldom flieth. And they called that Bird the 
 Roadrunner. 
 
 And they told me this story about that Bird, 
 and I know not if it be true or false ; save that I 
 think no one in California would speak falsely 
 about anything, save it might be to indulge 
 in a Veiy Mild Exaggeration concerning the 
 Climate. And this is the story which they told 
 unto me: 
 
 The Roadrunner hath an inveterate enemy 
 in the Rattlesnake; and he avoideth not the 
 Snake by flying, as do other birds, but he 
 runneth along the ground, where the Snake doth 
 sometimes get him. Now a Rattlesnake enjoy- 
 eth a good sound sleep upon the sunny top of a 
 Rock, or in some other warm place. And when 
 
78 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 a Roadrunner seeth a Rattlesnake asleep, he 
 hasteneth and calleth all the other Roadrunners. 
 And they come, and every one beareth in his 
 beak a pad which he plucketh from the Cactus 
 that groweth where the Snakes and the Road- 
 runners most do congregate. And they draw 
 nigh quietly, and lay their Cactus Ringwise 
 round the Serpent. Then do they go away and 
 get Some More Cactus. And when they have 
 laid that, then do they go away again, and Get 
 Some More, and Then Some. And the Serpent 
 sleepeth and heareth them not. 
 
 And when they have him Walled In, then do 
 they waken him. And he rouseth himself from 
 his slumbers, and behold, there is a Roadrunner 
 nigh unto him. And he coileth himself and 
 striketh at the Roadrunner, but pricketh him- 
 self upon the Cactus. Then doth a Roadrunner 
 approach him fiom the other side, and he doeth 
 likewise. And it cometh to pass in time that the 
 Serpent becometh Crazy, and striketh at ran- 
 dom, and every time he woundeth himself in a 
 new place. And when the Roadrunners see 
 that he hath gone Clean Nutty, then do they 
 leap over him, and draw nigh unto him, and 
 even pick at him with their bills; and when he 
 striketh back, behold he landeth every time 
 against the Cactus Thorns. Thus doth he 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 79 
 
 Sting Himself To Death, and the Roadrunners 
 hold a Merry Wake above him. 
 
 Now I have seen men who were Hemmed In 
 after this fashion, so that what a certain poet 
 hath called the Fell Clutch of Circumstance 
 doth hold them in its grip, and Tantalize them 
 so that they Sting Themselves to Death in their 
 Frantick Efforts to break through. And mine 
 heart grieveth for them. 
 
 And unto every one of them would I speak, 
 saying. Oh, my brother, I know not how to 
 break a way for thee through the Thorny Hedge 
 that doth encompass thee; but this I know, it is 
 not Good Sense nor yet Religion that thou 
 shouldest Impale Thyself upon the Thorns. 
 Whatever thou doest, go not Daffy over it, 
 for then shalt thou work thine own destruction. 
 Consider first of all, that there is one direction 
 where the path is not closed, and that is Up. 
 Calm thine own spirit, and look unto God; so 
 shalt thou face with whatever good sense thou 
 hast, and it is not much, and whatever grace a 
 Mighty God can give unto thee, and that may 
 be Considerable, the situation which thou art 
 Up Against. And fret not thyself because of the 
 Roadrunners. Keep thou still, and let them 
 do the Worrying. And if thou lose not the 
 little Sense thou hast, and employ the abun- 
 
8o SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 dant grace which God shall give unto thee, 
 there will yet appear somewhere a little Crevice 
 among the Cactus; and albeit thou be 
 Pricked in getting out, still it will not kill 
 thee. And thou shalt yet outlive the Road- 
 runners. 
 
 Wherefore, possess thy soul in patience; 
 trust in thy God, and when thou findest a Hole 
 in the Cactus, though it prick thee, Go To It, 
 and Go Through. 
 
 THE GUEST-ROOM TOWELS 
 
 There came to me a man who said. The 
 trouble with thee, and with the Church, and with 
 all who labor with thee, is that thy Methods are 
 Old. We are living in a New Age, and the Old 
 Methods are Inadequate. 
 
 And I answered. Thou speakest truly, and 
 perhaps wisely. 
 
 And he said. How is it that if what I say is 
 Certainly True it is only Possibly Wise? 
 
 And I answered him. Because there are no 
 kinds of unwisdom so great as those that are 
 founded on Truth that is 111 Considered. What 
 New Methods dost thou advocate? 
 
 And he Got Busy with a Line of Talk about 
 his New Methods, that never had been tried 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 8i 
 
 anywhere, and which were certain of but one 
 thing, that they never would work. 
 
 And he said, How dost thou like my New 
 Methods? 
 
 And I said unto him, 
 
 I went to a certain city, and lodged with a 
 friend who sent me to my bed in the Guest 
 Chamber. And it was a Comfortable Chamber, 
 and his wife had made it ready for my coming. 
 And among the other Preparations, she had 
 hung the towel-rack full of New Linen Towels, 
 which she had purchased by the Dozen, and 
 there were Six of them in my Room. And they 
 were Very Nice Towels, and well worth the 
 Price that she paid, for Linen was Going Up. 
 But when I essayed to wipe my face upon them, 
 than I could not do it. For those Towels were 
 every one of them as Stiff and as Shiny as a 
 Sheet of Tin, and likewise as Impervious to 
 Water. So I mussed them up, one of them and 
 yet another and another till I had polished my 
 face with the Metalic Surface of all six of them. 
 
 And I said unto him. There must needs be 
 New Methods, and I would not be last in the 
 use of any of them that are good. Neither 
 do I care to be the first to dry my face upon a 
 New Towel. Let him that is ambitious for 
 New Experiments try it before me, and after it 
 
82 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 hath gone to the Laundry and come back, less 
 Shiny but more Serviceable, then will I try it. 
 It is enough for me that I must wear my own 
 New Boots. 
 
 THE PENS 
 
 I have a friend who is a maker of Gold Pens. 
 And he said unto me, What dost thou know 
 about Pens? 
 
 And I said, I live hard by a Pen, though not 
 in one ; for I am a Writer. 
 
 And he said. Come with me, and I will show 
 thee how a Pen is made. 
 
 So we entered the Factory, and came into a 
 room where was a Crucible. And a man took 
 Fine Gold and weighed it and cast it into the 
 Crucible; and Copper took he also. And out of 
 the Crucible came forth an Ingot. 
 
 And another man took the Ingot and weighed 
 it, and rolled it into a Sheet. And another man 
 took the Sheet and weighed it, and cut it into 
 Strips. And another man took the Strips and 
 weighed them, and out of every one of them cut 
 he Pens an hundred and forty and four. 
 
 And another man took the Pens and curved 
 the sides thereof. And another man cut out of 
 every several Pen an Hole that was shaped like 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 83 
 
 an heart. And another man cut in every Pen a 
 Slit. 
 
 And every man counted the Pens that were 
 given him, insomuch that if one Pen had been 
 lost, or so much as a grain of gold missing, it 
 would have been known who had taken it. 
 
 Then did certain damsels take the Pens, and 
 they burnished them and polished them, so 
 that every Pen received of the labor of an 
 hundred men and two score maidens. 
 
 And the garments that they wore are burned 
 once in the space of three months, and from the 
 ashes they save more than enough gold to buy 
 new garments. And when they wash their 
 hands the water runneth into a great Vat and 
 settleth, so that in every month they take from 
 the bottom of the vat gold to the value of three 
 hundred shekels. 
 
 Now I had watched the making of one Pen 
 from the time it came forth in the Ingot till it 
 was completed. And my friend took that Pen, 
 and caused it to be set in an holder, and gave it 
 to me. And he said. Keep it, for it is thine. 
 
 And I bowed low and thanked him. 
 
 And he filled the holder with ink. 
 
 And I spake unto him, and said, Behold, thou 
 hast showed me a wonderful thing, and I have 
 learned much. But I will show thee a thing 
 
84 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 yet more wonderful. For I am filling this Pen 
 not with ink only, but with memory and crea- 
 tive power. I will cause this Pen to tell the 
 story of its own creation, so that men who live 
 a thousand miles away shall see what I have 
 seen this day. 
 
 And he said, Thine is the more wonderful art: 
 for the making of a Pen is not so wonderful as 
 the use thereof. 
 
 So I took the Pen, and I wrote this parable 
 therewith. And I remembered the gold that 
 did not become Pens, but became dust of gold in 
 the garments, and that flowed down the pipe 
 into the Vat. And I prayed to my God, and 
 said, O my God, who willeth not that any of the 
 children of men should perish, if the washings 
 of men's hands yield not filth only but gold to 
 the value of three hundred shekels in a month, 
 what canst thou do with the souls of men, in the 
 day when hearts are tried as gold is tried in the 
 furnace? 
 
 And I know not the answer to my prayer, 
 but my hope is in God. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 85 
 
 CONSISTENCY 
 
 There came to me a man who said, Safed, 
 thou speakest many wise words, but thou art 
 not always consistent. 
 
 And I said unto him, If I were always con- 
 sistent, then should I never be wise. 
 
 And he said. Thou utterest dark sayings. 
 
 Then said I unto him. There are no completely 
 consistent men aside from those in the Cradle 
 and in the Asylum for Imbeciles. The only 
 consistent man is the Completely Ignorant 
 Man. There once lived a Philosopher named 
 Immanuel, whose surname was Kant, who 
 showed unto men that any line of thought 
 consistently followed doth bump up against the 
 Impossible. Man doth begin life in complete 
 Consistency, which is to say, that he beginneth 
 it in complete Ignorance. But there cometh a 
 day when he learneth a Truth, namely, that his 
 Toe is capable of being brought up into his 
 Mouth; and that Truth maketh his Ignorance 
 Lopsided. 
 
 And he said unto me, I had not thought of 
 that; but it cometh to pass in time that he can 
 no longer get his Toe into his Mouth. 
 
 And I answered. So happeneth it with much 
 of what we apprehend as Truth ; by the time we 
 
86 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 learn it, the thing is no longer possible nor yet 
 desirable; nevertheless, the Truth hath been 
 worth the learning, and it hath its logical rela- 
 tion to other Inconsistencies, which are properly 
 apprehended as Truth. 
 
 And he said unto me. Say on. 
 
 And I said, The circumference of men's 
 Ignorance is vast, and every new Truth dis- 
 covered is the Lengthened Radius whereby to 
 measure the Diameter and Area of a Vaster 
 Ignorance and a Greater Inconsistency. Yet 
 hath it a Value. For each new Truth becometh 
 an Interrogation Point, which reacheth out 
 like a Fish Hook after the mouth of Leviathan. 
 And albeit neither thou nor Job the servant of 
 God can draw him out, yet doth the Interroga- 
 tion Point Hook now and then a Sculpin of 
 Information or an Hornpout of Knowledge, or 
 some slippery Eel of Truth, which maketh our 
 Ignorance Lopsided. 
 
 Furthermore, I said unto him, Men do walk, 
 not by any process of Bisymmetrical Progressive 
 Motion, but by Hitching one side Ahead, and 
 then Pulling the other side up and a Little 
 Ahead, and by throwing the Center of Gravity 
 out of Plumb and catching themselves before 
 they fall, so that in falling forward but never 
 striking, and wabbling ahead with first one foot 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 87 
 
 and then the other, we contrive an approach to 
 Consistency through Inconsistency. And the 
 process of the Advancement of Human Knowl- 
 edge, yea and of Human Goodness, is more or 
 less Like Unto it. 
 
 And he said, I have learned enough for one 
 day. 
 
 And I said. Go now and learn something on 
 the other side of thine Ignorance that will help 
 to balance up. For a False Balance is an 
 Abomination unto the Lord, and the best thing 
 about Inconsistency is that it doth challenge us 
 to learn another Truth. 
 
 PROFANITY 
 
 They laid a water-pipe in the road at the 
 place where I and Keturah go in Summer; and 
 the soil was stubborn and rocky. And when the 
 men came for to dig, I took a Spade and digged 
 for a little time in the trench with them. Like- 
 wise did I with the Pick and the Crowbar. 
 
 And the men said. Thou canst do work such 
 as we do save it be only in one thing. For if we 
 strike more Rock than we expect, or if the water 
 flow into our trench, or if perad venture it cave 
 in so that we have to dig it out again, canst thou 
 do thy part of the Swearing? 
 
88 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 And I answered and said, I will do it all. 
 
 And they said, It is liable to be a Large 
 Contract. 
 
 And I said, Even so, I will assume it. All the 
 Swearing that this job requireth, leave it to me. 
 
 And when the ditch caved in, or the water 
 stood in the trench so that they had to pump it 
 out, or they struck rock and had to blast, then 
 did they say one to another. Swear not: for 
 that is Safed's job. 
 
 And thus it came to pass that no Swearing 
 was necessary, but only Muscle and Pumps and 
 some Dynamite. 
 
 Now I considered how many people there be 
 who swear by the use of Profane words, or by 
 the Slamming of Doors, or by Scolding, and I 
 thought that it would be well if there might be 
 appointed an Official Swearer for all such like 
 occasions, and that he should consider the mat- 
 ter carefully before Swearing or Scolding and 
 see if some other way would answer just as 
 well. For if the digger strike rock, and must 
 use Dynamite as well as swear, he might as 
 well use Dynamite instead of Swearing. And 
 if Kindness will do the work instead of 
 Scolding, then is the Scolding wasted or maybe 
 worse. 
 
 Therefore am I open to Employment wherever 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 89 
 
 there is need, to take the responsibility of all 
 the Swearing and all the Scolding that shall be 
 required, and if it be left to me, there will not 
 be much of either. 
 
 For one should neither Swear nor Scold if 
 there be any other way to accomplish the result 
 desired; nor unless it is sure that Swearing or 
 Scolding will do good. 
 
 For there is a lot of wasted Swearing and 
 Scolding: and to scold is to swear. 
 
 THE EVIL AND GOOD OF GOSSIP 
 
 Once upon a time there were Two Fools. 
 And one of those Fools was a man and the other 
 was a woman. And that is a Bad Combination. 
 
 And there came unto them one of their friends, 
 and spake unto them, saying, 
 
 Behold, people are talking about you; and 
 what they say is Unpleasant. Have a care, 
 therefore, lest what they say become More 
 Unpleasant. 
 
 And when the Two Fools heard this, they 
 spake one to another, and said, 
 
 We should worry about what People Say. 
 For we have done nothing amiss, and we shall 
 do nothing amiss. And they who speak evil of 
 us seek only the evil that is in their own hearts. 
 
90 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 They are Idle Gossips. Let them talk. We will 
 give them something to Talk About. 
 
 Then these Two Fools proceeded to give the 
 Gossips something to Talk About. And they 
 succeeded beyond their Fondest Hopes. 
 
 And the more people talked, the more Defiant 
 these Two Fools became. 
 
 And when they had gotten themselves into a 
 Pretty Bad Mess of Publick Scandal, then did 
 the Woman Fool come unto Keturah, and the 
 Man Fool came unto me. 
 
 And we had what might be called a Foursome. 
 
 And the Woman Fool wept much; and the 
 Man Fool swore. 
 
 And I said unto them, Ye are Two Fools with 
 less than a Single Thought; two Nuts, and both 
 of you Cracked. 
 
 And they said. Behold, we have done no 
 wrong. Let the evil be unto those who evil think. 
 
 And I said. Nay; the evil is also unto those 
 who cause others to think evil. 
 
 And the man said. When a man knoweth that 
 he hath done nothing wrong, then may he stand 
 in his Conscious Rectitude and face the Lying, 
 Foul-mouthed world. 
 
 And I said. Save thine eloquence. For a 
 righteous cause a man may face the world, but 
 not for the sake of indulging his own Folly. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 91 
 
 And Keturah spake unto the Woman Fool, 
 and said, My dear, this world is prone to judge 
 that things mean what they seem to mean. 
 Thou must not do the things that seem evil and 
 expect the world to reckon it unto thee for good. 
 If we are taught not to let our good be evil 
 spoken of, much more must we not let our folly 
 appear as if it had been evil. 
 
 And the Woman Fool said, I think that Gossip 
 is the Vilest Thing in the World. 
 
 And I said, Gossip is indeed an unlovely 
 thing. But it hath its Value to a Community. 
 
 And the man said. Thou speakest falsely. 
 It hath no Value. 
 
 And I said, If it were not for the fear of Gossip, 
 and the Wholesome Dread of what people would 
 say, then would Fools such as ye are behave even 
 worse than they now do; and that is a Plenty. 
 
 And I said. There are Fools that may be 
 brayed in a Mortar with a Pestle and their 
 folly will not depart from them. That Mortar is 
 Public Sentiment, and that Pestle is Gossip. 
 The braying is a Painful Process, but for you it 
 may be Profitable. 
 
 Now it came to pass that those Two Fools 
 were not quite Hopeless Fools. And they did as 
 I and Keturah told them to do. And by this 
 time their Folly is well-nigh forgotten. 
 
92 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 THE KIND OF PEOPLE IN OUR TOWN 
 
 There were two men who came newly into the 
 City wherein I dwell. And it came to pass that 
 they came both of them to visit me on the day 
 of their arrival. For the one of them desired 
 that he might borrow a Screwdriver: and the 
 other besought me that he might use my Tele- 
 phone to call up the Gas Company and the 
 Electrick Light Company and the Butcher and 
 the Baker and the Candlestick Maker. 
 
 And they inquired of me, both of them, saying. 
 What Kind of People live in this Town, and of 
 what Sort of Folk are my neighbors? 
 And of each of them I asked, saying. 
 What Kind of neighbors didst thou leave 
 behind thee; and of what Sort were the Folk 
 in the Old Home Town? 
 
 And the first of them answered and said. 
 The Town I come from is an One Horse Town : 
 and the Folk are a set of Four-Flushers; and they 
 spend more money than they earn ; and they are 
 Unneighborly and Unpleasant ; and they have so 
 many Scandals that we kept ourselves apart like 
 Lot in Sodom; because our righteous souls were 
 vexed within us; and we shook off the dust of our 
 feet and fled from that Burg and we looked not 
 back. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 93 
 
 And I said unto him, Thou wilt find this 
 Town very much the same. 
 
 And while he yet Spake, the other came; and 
 he asked of me the same question. And I 
 likewise inquired of him concerning the Folk in 
 his Old Home Town. 
 
 And he said, 
 
 They were fine Folk; and good neighbors; 
 and it gave us pain to leave them; but Business 
 called us here, and we had to leave our dear old 
 friends. 
 
 And I said, 
 
 It is the same in this Town; and thou wilt 
 find the People just as fine and good. 
 
 And the first man heard, and he was horrified; 
 And he said. 
 
 Verily, thou art an old Liar; for thou didst 
 tell me the folk of this Town were a Bunch of 
 Grafters, and a Gang of Thugs. 
 
 And I said unto them both. 
 
 Listen unto me, and consider what I say. 
 For I have told you both the truth. There are 
 in Every Town two sorts of Folk. There are 
 as many kinds of Folk in this town as there be 
 in Oshkosh or Kalamazoo or Medicine Hat or 
 Benares or Hong Kong. Thou canst find either 
 sort. 
 
 But what I said is still more true; for each 
 
94 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 man is likely to find the town of the same sort 
 as himself. May the Lord deliver me from 
 having as a Neighbor a man who cometh from a 
 Town of which he speaketh ill. For then should 
 the word of the Prophet be fulfilled, saying, 
 
 And I will shew no mercy, saith the Lord,, but 
 will deliver every man into the hand of his 
 neighbor. 
 
 And I said unto them both, 
 
 If thou wouldest live in a good Town, be good 
 thyself. So shall thine own Town be partly 
 good, and thou shalt be the good in it, and help 
 to make it better. It is a dirty bird that doth 
 befoul its own nest, and a mighty poor Citizen 
 who doth knock his own Town. 
 
 THE ETHIOPIAN MAIDEN AND THE 
 ALARM CLOCK 
 
 Now in the Synagogue where I minister is 
 there a good man with a Conscience like that of 
 a Gadfly, and the Misdirected Zeal of a Flea, 
 insomuch that he is always Stirring Things up. 
 
 And it is his wont to rise in the congregation 
 when it is assembled for Prayer and for Waiting 
 upon the Lord, with oftentimes more Waiting 
 than Prayer, to say. 
 
 This Church should Rouse itself and waken to 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 95 
 
 its Opportunity. We should be Active. We 
 should not continually live at This Poor Dying 
 Rate. 
 
 And all that he saith is Very True, and Very 
 Irritating and Very Ineffective. 
 
 For those whom he thus addresseth are those 
 of the Saving Remnant who already are aroused, 
 or who have Slumbered in Prayer Meeting since 
 the World Began, and can continue to ride in 
 their Spiritual Pullman until it reacheth the 
 Grand Terminal of Heaven, and they will never 
 do any one any Harm. 
 
 But all the activity of this Good Brother is 
 Geared to no Productive Machinery. It Cut- 
 teth No Ice. 
 
 Now there came a time when his Wordy 
 Exhortation got upon my Nerve. And I spake 
 unto him, saying, If thou desirest the Church to 
 Rouse, then Rouse thou thyself, and be silent, 
 but Saw Wood. For there were better things for 
 thee to do than to Run thy Vocabulary in High 
 Gear and never slip thy Clutch into anything 
 that will make thine own wheels go around. 
 For thou hast been right where thou art, in the 
 middle of the Road, honking thy horn to others 
 to Speed Up ever since I have known thee. 
 Yea, and every little Christian in the Church 
 doth get somewhere in his little Ford Car, save 
 
96 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 thou only. And thou occupiest Valuable Road- 
 space, and usest the whole power of thy Six 
 Cylinder Lungs in Honking up other Christians 
 who need it not. 
 
 And he was amazed, and he answered me 
 nothing. 
 
 And I spake unto him this parable, saying, 
 
 Thou art like unto an Alarm Clock which 
 Keturah bought, and presented it unto the Ethi- 
 opian Maiden who wrought in her Kitchen, that 
 she might Rise and Cook the Breakfast while 
 we slept. For that Alarm Clock did assuredly 
 wake at an unearthly hour every morning every 
 soul in the house save only the Ethiopian Maiden. 
 
 And after I had thus spoken, it was as long 
 as Six Weeks before this Good Brother did 
 again speak in the meeting for Prayer and for 
 Waiting upon the Lord. 
 
 THE CONTENTED CONDUCTOR 
 
 The Conductor who took up my Ticket had 
 upon his arm many Golden Stripes. And I 
 said unto him, I perceive that thou hast been 
 long upon the Road. 
 
 And he said. Forty and two years have I been 
 a Passenger Conductor, and before that I ran 
 a Freight, and before that I was a Brakeman. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 97 
 
 And I said, Thou dost not look it. 
 
 And he said, If I still have Vigor for a man of 
 mine age it is because I have learned two things. 
 The first is to think first what is best and 
 endeavor to attain it. The next is to be con- 
 tent with what I get. For how shall a man do 
 otherwise and profess to trust his God? 
 
 Now, in about two hours the rear Truck of the 
 Tender of the Locomotive jumped the track. 
 And the Train was going fast, so that before it 
 stopped it ran for more than its length, and the 
 deep cuts of the Derailed Truck showed in the 
 Ties behind the Train. And it was lucky that 
 we were not Piled in an Heap. 
 
 And I walked forward to the Locomotive and 
 stood beside the Conductor as he directed the 
 Train Crew. And he gave them few orders, 
 but when he spake they got busy and did as 
 he said. 
 
 And I inquired of him, saying. Is thy Philos- 
 ophy working well? 
 
 And he answered. Sure thing. We have 
 everything to be thankful for. No one is 
 hurt. The Truck is uninjured. The day is 
 fine for outdoor work. And I have a Train 
 Crew that can coax a recalcitrant Truck back 
 on the track like Mary's Little Lamb. 
 
 And even as he spake, the Flanges returned 
 
98 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 to the Rails, and the Whistle blew for the Flag- 
 man, and the Conductor said. All Aboard. 
 
 Then did the Conductor come back and speak 
 unto me, saying, 
 
 Thou art a Scholar. I am a Roughneck. 
 But if I had thine Ability and thy Pulpit, then 
 would I stand and speak unto men and women, 
 saying. 
 
 Hearken unto me, and take good heed. 
 Thine Imagination can depict no Heaven fairer 
 than this Good Old World might be if ye would 
 only take it at its best, and Trust God, and stop 
 worrying. For which is worse, to be an Atheist 
 and believe in no God, or to profess to believe in 
 God and then distrust his care? Surely if 
 there be any sin against the Holy Ghost is it not 
 this, to profess to believe in the Guidance of 
 God, and then to worry as if the Devil Owned 
 the Planet and was keeping it for Home Con- 
 sumption? 
 
 And I said unto him, Though thou call thyself 
 a Roughneck, yet dost thou preach a Mighty 
 Practical Gospel. 
 
 And he said. Yea, and I live it. Therefore 
 have I on mine arm these many stripes, and in 
 mine heart the song of youth and the joy of 
 life. And it costeth very little, and the wealth 
 of rubies is not to be compared unto it. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 99 
 
 Now the Train had lost but Forty Minutes, 
 which is not much more than it sometimes 
 taketh to replace a Punctured Tire. But the 
 Train sped on its way, and we pulled in On Time. 
 
 And I bowed before him as I left the Train, 
 and shook his hand. And he said, A quiet 
 mind tendeth to a level head. Therefore do 
 we the more quickly get back upon the Rails, 
 with good courage, and good steam pressure, and 
 here we are. 
 
 And there we were, even as he said. 
 
 THE STRAWBERRY SUNDAE 
 
 I went unto the Shop where they sell Books; 
 for I desired to buy a Book. And the daughter 
 of the daughter of Keturah went with me. 
 And we rode together on the Trolley Cars, 
 and we had a good time. 
 
 And when we came to the place where they 
 sell Books, then did I show her a Picture Book 
 while I looked over the New Books. And I 
 bought one or two. 
 
 And when we departed, she said unto me, 
 Grandpa, wilt thou buy for me an Ice Cream 
 Cone? 
 
 And I said, I will surely do so; and if thou 
 shalt say. Please, then will I do even better. 
 
loo SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 And she said, Please. 
 
 And we came unto a place where they sell 
 Sweets, and we went within. 
 
 And I said, Shall I buy for thee a Sundae? 
 
 And she said, I have never eaten a Sundae, 
 but I should like it very much. 
 
 And I said. What flavor wilt thou have? 
 
 And she said, I desire Chocolate. 
 
 So I bought for her a Chocolate Sundae, but 
 as for myself, I bought Strawberry. For I 
 think the Strawberry is the next to the best 
 Berry that the Lord ever made (the best being 
 the Red Raspberry, which I like much). 
 
 So the little maiden ate her Chocolate Sundae, 
 and liked it exceeding well. But she liked the 
 Ripe, Rich, Red, Juicy Color of my Strawberry. 
 So that she looked over now and then and almost 
 wished that she had not ordered Chocolate. 
 And when I saw that she was Interested, I ate 
 slowly, so that when she had finished, I had only 
 begun. And that was Rather Hard upon the 
 little maiden. 
 
 Now, when she had finished, she clasped her 
 little hands together, and she leaned her little 
 round elbows on the table, and she rested her 
 chin on her little clasped hands, and she looked 
 over at my dish, and she said: 
 
 It looks so nice that I will not ask for any. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH loi 
 
 Now, when I heard that, I did smile. For I 
 thought it the very prettiest way of asking for a 
 thing I had ever heard. 
 
 And I thought of the people whose only way 
 of asking God for things is to tease him, and say, 
 Give me this, and be quick about it for Christ's 
 sake. 
 
 For I wonder how any man doth dare to say 
 for Christ's sake when he is asking something 
 for his own sake, and whether it doth not sound 
 unto the angels like swearing. 
 
 For of all the sins which good Christian men 
 commit, it seemeth to me that among the gravest 
 may be the undisguised selfishness of their 
 prayers. 
 
 And I wondered how to teach Christian men 
 and women to ask for things as prettily as the 
 daughter of the daughter of Keturah asked for 
 the Strawberry Sundae. 
 
 For I might just mention in closing that she 
 got all the Strawberry Sundae she desired when 
 she asked for it in that way. 
 
 THE TRAFFIC COP AND THE BLIND MAN 
 
 I walked in the streets of a City, which was 
 for greatness like unto Nineveh or Babylon. 
 And I came unto a place where two ways met. 
 
I02 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 And the traffic was something fierce. And 
 there stood in the middle of the street that ran 
 north and south, and also in the middle of the 
 street that ran east and west, a Guardian of 
 the Public Welfare. And he was great of girth, 
 and tall like Goliath of Gath. And he wore a 
 Blue Coat with Brass Buttons. And on his 
 hands were White Gloves, symbolic of the purity 
 of the Municipal Government. 
 
 And he blew an Whistle one time. And all 
 the east and west traffic stopped, and it piled 
 up on both sides of the street as the Waters of the 
 Red Sea rose up when Moses, the servant of 
 God, stretched forth his hand upon them. But 
 all the north and south traffic moved on. 
 
 Then did he blow his Whistle twice. And all 
 the east and west traffic flowed through, while 
 the north and south traffic stood in an heap like 
 the waters of Jordan in the days of Joshua, the 
 son of Nun. And the people who were going 
 east and west went over dry-shod and in safety. 
 
 And presently all traffic stopped both ways, 
 for the Whistle blew not, but the Traffic-Cop 
 raised his right hand. And all the Teamsters 
 and the Chauffeurs and the Mahouts and even 
 some of the Women Shoppers stood and obeyed 
 his Gesture. 
 
 And the Traffic-Cop left his place in the 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 103 
 
 middle of the Intersection of the Two Streets, 
 and walked across the Street unto the Curb. 
 And I looked, and behold, a Blind Man. And 
 he was standing upon the Curb, and he was 
 Confused. 
 
 And the Policeman took him by the arm, and 
 led him over. Neither did he say unto him. 
 Step lively, please. But he led the Blind Man 
 to the Opposite Curb, and made a way for him 
 among the Women Shoppers, so that they stood 
 back and let him through. 
 
 Then did the Traffic-Cop return unto his 
 place, and blow his Whistle, and the tides of 
 Commerce and of Humanity flowed on. 
 
 And there was not a Chauffeur who saw it who 
 swore at the Cop, neither was there any who 
 beheld it who reproved him. For they had been 
 iinpatient of every other delay, but they will- 
 ingly waited while he led a Blind Man to safety. 
 
 And I thought of the Immutable Decrees of 
 God, and of the Laws whereby he doth govern 
 the Universe, how they are as right as the One 
 Whistle for the north and south traffic and the 
 Two Whistles for the east and west traffic. 
 But I had a suspicion, which in me is a mighty 
 faith, that without violating any of his Immuta- 
 ble Laws, the Great God can somehow care for 
 his own. Yea, I have lived long, and I have 
 
I04 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 sometimes seen the evidence that God leadeth 
 the blind by a way that he knoweth not, but in 
 a right way, and a way that is better than he 
 could choose for himself. 
 
 For the Apostle Paul hath said that the Police- 
 man is a Minister of God, and I know not why 
 one should not learn from him a sermon. 
 
 THE SCREENS AND THE SHOES 
 
 In a certain Island in the Great Ocean, and 
 if thou shalt inquire of me the name thereof I 
 will not tell it unto thee; the inhabitants 
 aforetime were Cannibals and Heathen. And 
 there came a Missionary and taught them that 
 they should worship the Living and True God, 
 and they turned from their idols of wood and of 
 stone. And afterward came a Merchantman; 
 for wheresoever the Gospel doth go, there do men 
 buy Spades and Spelling Books and Plows and 
 Pianos and Pills. And he took his pay in Copra, 
 and in the Oil of the Cocoanut and in Pearls. 
 
 And he found among the Natives a good 
 market for nearly all of his stock save only for 
 his Shoes. For the people of that Island had 
 ever gone Barefoot, and they liked it not a 
 Little Bit that they should be compelled to 
 Cultivate Corns for which they had no need. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 105 
 
 And they said, Behold, we were born barefoot, 
 and so were our fathers. 
 
 But the Missionary builded a new House for 
 the Worship of God, and it had a floor of Wood. 
 And when he walked, then did his Shoes squeak. 
 Likewise did the Shoes of the Missionary's Wife. 
 
 And the next day did the Chief of that Island 
 and the Chief of his Wives come unto the 
 Merchantman, and say, Sell unto us Shoes, 
 and give us those that Squeak, and behold, here 
 are Two Goodly Pearls. 
 
 And they picked out Shoes that squeaked much. 
 
 Then did that Merchant try on all his Shoes 
 and readjust the Prices on the basis of Sound 
 Business Psychology. For those Shoes that 
 squeaked little did he mark up a little, but those 
 that squeaked much, of those did he multiply 
 the price. 
 
 Now the people wore Shoes only on the Sab- 
 bath, for the Shoes did not squeak in the Sand. 
 Howbeit, in the Sanctuary, there did they squeak 
 much, and Front Seats were at a Premium. 
 
 And the Merchantman sent a Letter by a 
 Passing Steamer, and he ordered Many More 
 Shoes. 
 
 But suddenly the Inhabitants ceased to buy 
 Shoes. And the Merchantman knew not the 
 reason. Therefore did he go to the Sanctuary 
 
io6 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 upon the Sabbath. And he beheld how the 
 people came with their Shoes under their arm, 
 and put them on at the door of the Sanctuary, 
 and wore them down the Aisle, and then re- 
 moved them and passed them out of the Window 
 for others to wear as they entered the House of 
 God. For the Cooperative Idea had hit that 
 Island, and it was nigh unto ruining business. 
 For not only were there many Shoes on the way, 
 but the Export Trade in Copra and Pearls and 
 Cocoanut Oil did depend upon having something 
 to sell that the people wanted. 
 
 So the merchantman considered. And shortly 
 before the Ship was expected that was to bring 
 his Shoes, he said unto the Missionary, Behold, 
 the Windows of the House of God must be open 
 to the winds, because the Climate is hot; but it 
 is not seemly that they should admit Flies and 
 Mosquitoes. Behold, I have long contem- 
 plated making a Gift to the Sanctuary; I will 
 fit it out with Fly Screens. 
 
 And the Missionary was glad, and the Mer- 
 chantman did even as he said, and he made the 
 Wire Screens Very Tight, so that no Mosquito 
 could get through, and how much less a Shoe. 
 
 Therefore did the Shoe Business revive on 
 that Island, and it continueth good even unto 
 this day. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 107 
 
 This Parable might be used to teach that it 
 doth ever reward a man to be generous toward 
 the Sanctuary and to do those things that 
 please the Preacher. But that is not the lesson, 
 beloved. 
 
 Behold, the human mind is Queer, and men 
 who seek the Truth, seek it for diverse reasons. 
 There are those who desire Truth in the in- 
 ward parts, and who buy the Truth for its own 
 sake and sell it not. But others think they love 
 the Truth who love the sound of Fine Phrases, 
 and the use of words that feel good in the mouth. 
 These are they that buy not the Shoe but the 
 Squeak. And they are many. But be not 
 thou like unto them; but rather let thy feet 
 be shod with righteousness, and with the 
 preparation of the Gospel of peace. 
 
 THINGS NOT TO BE FORGOTTEN 
 
 I rode upon a Railway Train, Somewhere in 
 Kansas, and the Train stopped Thirty Minutes 
 for Lunch. And at one end of the Station was 
 there a little Park, with two great Sun Dials, 
 whereof one showed Central Time and the 
 other showed Mountain Time. And the Park 
 was attractive, and had Cost the Railway Some 
 Coin, and the result was worth it. 
 
io8 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 Now there stood in the little Park, hard by 
 the Train, a strong White Post, as it were two 
 cubits in height. And there was framed in the 
 top of the post an old-time Drawbar, with a 
 Coupling-Pin and a Link. And upon the Post 
 was painted in Black Letters this Superscription, 
 Lest We Forget. 
 
 And I said unto myself. It may be that this 
 is the town where the man lived who first 
 invented the Safety Coupler. 
 
 And I entered the Station, and I inquired of 
 the Young Man who was Clerk of the Station 
 Hotel. And I asked of him, saying, 
 
 Wherefore is that Post with the old Drawbar 
 erected in this Town rather than in another? 
 
 And he said. Where is it at? For I have 
 never seen it. 
 
 And I inquired of another, and he said, 
 
 Thou mayest search me; for I have never 
 noticed it. 
 
 And I inquired of the Station Agent, and 
 he said, 
 
 I once knew, but, behold, I have forgotten. 
 
 Then did the Conductor say, All Aboard, and 
 I got on board. 
 
 And I considered the days of my boyhood, 
 when I played about the Cars, and I Knew 
 Railway men; and many of them had lost 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 109 
 
 fingers that were crushed in coupling cars; and 
 many lost their hands, and others lost their 
 lives. 
 
 And I said, Behold, there was a man who 
 considered all these things, and sat up nights, 
 and peradventure pawned his Shirt that he 
 might invent a method of avoiding all this. 
 And here is_his memorial, marked, Lest We 
 Forget; andi^some men^pass it every day and 
 never see it; and others once knew its meaning 
 but they have forgotten. 
 
 And I looked out of the car window, and I 
 beheld a Church, and upon the Church was a 
 Spire, and upon the Spire was a Cross. 
 
 And I thought of the multitudes who con- 
 tinually pass it by, and I was grieved in mine 
 heart; for I said. Among them are those who 
 say, I have never seen it ; and others say, I have 
 seen it, but what it meaneth, behold, I know 
 not. And others say, Behold, I once knew, but 
 I have forgotten. 
 
 THE CAR WHEELS 
 
 A certain man labored in the Division Termi- 
 nal of a great Railway. And it was so that 
 when a Train entered the Station, that there 
 they changed Engines, and Train-crews. And 
 
no SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 certain men put Ice in the Coolers, and Water 
 in the Tanks. And there were times when 
 certain others swabbed the Windows so that 
 they might be seen through; but this did not 
 always occur. And the duty which was assigned 
 unto this man was this, that he should begin 
 at the head of the Train, and walk the length of 
 it, and stoop down and strike every Car Wheel 
 with an Hammer. And he did Precisely as he 
 was told. For he walked the length of every 
 train, and struck every wheel on the right side 
 thereof, and then turned himself about and 
 walked back upon the other side of the Train 
 and the wheels upon that side did he strike in 
 like manner. And this he did quickly, so that he 
 had it done by the time other men had put Ice 
 in the Coolers and Waste and Dope in the Boxes 
 of the Axles, and the Engines had been changed. 
 Now it came to pass that after many years 
 the General Superintendent spake unto the 
 President of the Road, and he said. Behold this 
 man hath been on our Pay-roll for Five and 
 Twenty years, and he hath never missed a day. 
 Let us Celebrate, and Recognize his Faithful- 
 ness, and give him a Gold Watch, and a Pass 
 for himself and his Wife unto California and 
 back, and a little purse of Gold which he may 
 blow in on a good time. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH iii 
 
 And they did even so. 
 
 And while the celebration was in progress 
 some one asked of him, saying, 
 
 What is the reason why the wheels must be 
 struck? And what is the occasion thereof? 
 
 And he said. Thou mayest search me. I 
 know nothing save that I draw my pay for 
 hitting the wheels, and I hit them every time 
 and never miss a wheel. 
 
 But he had never listened to the ring of the 
 hammer that he might hear whether the wheels 
 were sound or cracked, neither had he known 
 nor regarded. But he had done his job and 
 drawn his pay for twenty-five years. 
 
 Now when I heard this tale, I said. That man 
 is not so infrequent as some men might suppose. 
 There are many who go through life in like 
 manner. They do the day's job and draw their 
 pay and never think what it all is for. Yea, 
 there might even be such men in the pulpit, 
 but may God forbid; and there are such in 
 many another vocation. 
 
 And I prayed my God for all men, that they 
 may labor, not only to strike the wheels but to 
 listen for the ring. 
 
 For there are those who strike the wheels and 
 go on, and if the Train run through, they say 
 it is the result of Careful Supervision, and if 
 
112 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 the wheel crack, and the train land in the Ditch, 
 they say it is a Mysterious Providence. 
 
 And there are such men, not a few, who obtain 
 their living by labor no more intelligent than 
 this, and some of them less continuous. And 
 some of them travel on passes and receive the 
 praise of men. 
 
 But God knoweth whether men listen for the 
 ring, or whether they only hit the wheels. 
 
 THINGS ANCIENT AND MODERN 
 
 There came unto me a Lady who was an 
 Enthusiast on Recent Things. And she spent 
 her time in this, either to See or to Hear Some 
 New Thing, even as did the women in Athens. 
 And she inquired of me, saying, 
 
 Hast thou read the Modern Poetry? And 
 dost thou not think that it is Just Too Lovely 
 for Any Use? 
 
 And I said, I have read that which is called 
 Modern Poetry. And some of it is Modern 
 Poetry. And some of it is Modern but not 
 Poetry; and some of it may be Poetry but it is 
 not Modern; and some of it is neither Modern 
 nor Poetry. As for its being Just too Lovely 
 for Any Use, that is my opinion of the Major 
 Part thereof; I have no Use for it. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 113 
 
 And she inquired further, and said, Hast 
 thou seen the Modern Dances? 
 
 And I answered and said, I have covered One 
 Eye and Partly Closed the Other, and I have 
 seen the Modern Dances. 
 
 And she said. Are they not Beautiful? 
 
 And I said, I can think of Several Adjectives 
 which I would sooner apply to them. 
 
 And she said. Tastes Differ. 
 
 And I said, Tastes differ less than thou dost 
 suppose. I went once unto the Circus of the 
 renowned Phineas T. Barnum. And he had 
 just imported a Cannibal Family from the Ends 
 of the earth. And the man and the woman and 
 the little boy lay upon a Platform, and were 
 stolid and Homesick. Neither cared they 
 whether people looked at them or not. But 
 there came that way a little white boy with a 
 small Red Balloon. And the little Cannibal 
 boy leaped to his feet and ran to the edge of the 
 Platform, and in heathenish Gibberish but with 
 very Christian Tears he pleaded for it. 
 
 And I said. The tastes of that little Naked 
 Heathen as to Red Balloons were Identical 
 with those of the daughter of the daughter of 
 Keturah, who hath been a Puritan for Ten 
 Generations. 
 
 And I said. When Oscar Wilde was a popular 
 
114 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 fad, and every Dude wore a Sunflower in his 
 Buttonhole, and the CiviHzed world attired 
 itself in Pale Yellows and Discouraged Greens 
 and Godforsaken Blues, we that were wise 
 knew that it would not Last Very Long. 
 
 And she said, We were talking, I believe, of 
 the Modern Dances. 
 
 And I said. There are three good things about 
 the Modern Dances. The Position is so Objec- 
 tionable, and the Dances are so Ungainly and 
 the Musick is so Barbarous, that they will go 
 where Oscar Wilde's color scheme hath gone. 
 
 And she said, Thou speakest not of their 
 Morals, whereof I thought that thou wouldest 
 speak. 
 
 And I said, I have been young, and I attrib- 
 ute not to young folk all the bad motives which 
 rise in the mind of us Old Sinners. But the 
 first of the Ten Commandments of Musick is, 
 Thou shalt be Rythmickal; and the second is. 
 Thou shalt be Melodious; and the third is. 
 Thou shalt be Harmonious. Behold, there 
 shall be a day when the Cowbells and the Clap- 
 pers shall go to Grass, and the Fiddle shall play 
 tunes as melodious as the good old Tunes of 
 the Money Musk and Sugar in the Gourd. 
 
 And she said, But they will be Modern Tunes. 
 
 And I said. The Chinese do bury Eggs for an 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 115 
 
 Hundred years and when they Exhume them, 
 they count them the Freshest Things that ever 
 Hens Laid. There are things that call them- 
 selves Modern which were Ancient when Lot's 
 wife gave her coming-out party for her daughters. 
 But the things that are Clean, and Wholesome 
 and Lovely and of Good Report, these are the 
 Ancient Things, and every generation will come 
 to them at length as the things most Modern. 
 
 THE SHOESTRINGS 
 
 I went unto the shop of the man who selleth 
 Shoes. And I said unto him. Sell unto me a 
 pair of Good Shoestrings. 
 
 And he said, I will sell unto thee a pair of 
 Shoestrings, but I will not promise to sell unto 
 thee good ones. For the best of them are 
 Mighty Poor these days, and most of them are 
 Rotten. 
 
 And I said. These Flat ones with Metal tips 
 I like not. Hast thou not some better ones? 
 
 And he said, I have some Round ones with 
 Rubber tips, and they cost a Dime. 
 
 And I bought a pair. 
 
 Now of all the Shoestrings that ever were 
 made, these were the Hardest and the most 
 Slippery. And I tied them not once a day but 
 
ii6 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 it may have been Forty Times. And they 
 slipped loose so that my feet slid to the front 
 end of my shoes and grew Tender and Sore. 
 And every morning I said, I will wear them this 
 one day, and if they grow not better with the 
 using, I will throw them away. But they grew 
 no better. And I tried them another day. 
 And I began to walk upon the side of my foot to 
 ease it where it was sore. And in so doing, I 
 caught my foot on a certain day as I crossed the 
 street, and stumbled and was well-nigh run 
 down by a swift chariot that had no regard for 
 the Speed Limit. 
 
 And I went unto my home, and cast aside the 
 round, hard strings, and I put in another pair 
 that would stay tied. And I upbraided myself 
 that I had endured for so long a time an evil 
 that had as its only compensation of endurance 
 the hope of getting value out of a pair of Shoe- 
 strings that cost a Dime. 
 
 Now it came to pass that I had occasion to use 
 a Box. And I went unto the Attick and I 
 found a Shoe Box, made of Pasteboard. And it 
 was exactly what I wanted. And in it was 
 Tissue Paper which had come wrapped about 
 the Shoes. And I removed the paper, and 
 behold, in the Box that I thought was empty, 
 were two pairs of New Shoestrings, which I had 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 117 
 
 bought with New Shoes in the good old days 
 before the War, before Shoestrings were Rotten. 
 And I rejoiced as one who findeth Coin. 
 
 Now I considered these things, and I said 
 within myself, Even so do men endure Petty 
 Abuses and Small Annoyances and even Greater 
 Wrongs, whose aggregate of Discomfort is Great, 
 and whose liability of Danger is not Incon- 
 siderable, and whose hope of amendment is 
 Small and whose Value is Negligible. And they 
 submit to them when they ought to face them 
 and remedy them. Yea, and thus do men 
 continue with Faults of their own, which seem 
 small, but which Irritate and do Harm out of 
 proportion to all the effort that would be neces- 
 sary to their amendment. Yea, and when they 
 know not wherewith to amend these evils, 
 behold the remedy lieth under their own roof, 
 and is already bought and paid for and ready to 
 their hand. 
 
 Wherefore, search thine Attick, and bring 
 forth out of it all the unused resources that may 
 minister to life, and use them. For of what use 
 is it that thou walk with Sore Feet when there 
 is a good new pair of Pre-war Shoestrings in the 
 Empty Shoe Box in thine Attick? 
 
 And now if thou shalt behold me walking 
 down the Highway, with a quick step and a 
 
ii8 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 smiling countenance, know ye that the reason is 
 that my feet are shod with the Preparation of 
 the Gospel of Peace, and that I wear Shoestrings 
 that do not slip. For the Lord maketh the feet 
 of the righteous like unto Hinds' Feet; but of 
 the sinner and the ungodly is it said, Their 
 feet shall slide in due time. 
 
 THE LOST TOOTH 
 
 The daughter of the daughter of Keturah 
 came unto our habitation, and she sought the 
 Cookie Box of Keturah. And thus did Ketu- 
 rah's own children in their day. And thus 
 have I done often. Save that I never eat one 
 Cookie. I can eat none and I can eat four or 
 five, but I cannot eat one of the Cookies of 
 Keturah and stop. And the little maiden ate 
 of the Cookies of Keturah. And I think that 
 there will always be Cookies in her Cookie Box. 
 
 Now as the damsel ate, she cried out in 
 terror. 
 
 And I wondered what had happened unto her, 
 for that is not the way the Cookies of Keturah 
 affect people. 
 
 And she cried not in pain, but in terror. 
 And she said, Oh, Grandpa, my tooth has come 
 out! 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 119 
 
 And she held up a tiny front tooth in her Httle 
 hand. 
 
 Now the loss of a Tooth is a matter of some 
 importance to me; for I fear lest the time come 
 when the grinders cease because they are few. 
 But I knew that for her it was not a serious 
 matter. 
 
 And I comforted her, and I said, Fear not. 
 It is of no consequence. 
 
 And she said, Oh, Grandpa, canst thou put 
 it back? 
 
 And I told her that I could not, and that I 
 would not if I could. 
 
 And she understood it not, but she was com- 
 forted when she saw that I did not share her fear. 
 
 And I said. Have no fear, my little girl. The 
 teeth that God gave thee when teeth first came 
 unto thee, were baby teeth, and they will leave 
 thee one by one, and fall out. Trouble not 
 thyself, for there shall grow others in their place 
 that will be stronger and better and last longer. 
 
 And she was comforted. 
 
 Then I considered the losses of life, and the 
 pain and the fear of them, and how they are 
 even as the fear that was in the heart of the little 
 maiden when she lost the Tooth. Yea, I went 
 where people suffered by reason of losses which 
 I could not explain so easily, and my words of 
 
I20 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 comfort had behind them no knowledge of 
 what blessing God should provide instead of the 
 thing that had been taken away. 
 
 But I remembered that it is written in the 
 Word of God how God hath provided Some 
 Better Thing. 
 
 And I took the little pearly tooth from the 
 hand of the little maiden, and she sat upon my 
 knee and ate the residue of her Cookie, and I 
 stroked her Golden Hair, and I prayed unto God 
 for all those who have losses in life and who know 
 not how God shall provide any better thing in 
 place of them. 
 
 For their sorrow is like unto the sorrow of the 
 daughter of the daughter of Keturah, and there 
 are times when my wisdom stoppeth short of 
 their need. 
 
 THE TRANSFORMED TOOTH 
 
 The daughter of the daughter of Keturah 
 lost a Tooth. And she carried it about in her 
 hand, and she showed it with great Pride. And 
 she said. Behold the Tooth which I had, and 
 which came out this morning. And behold, here 
 is the place where it grew, and another shall grow 
 in its place; for thus hath my Grandpa told me. 
 
 Now she showed it unto one who said unto her, 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 121 
 
 Wrap thou the Tooth in Paper, and put it 
 under thy Pillow tonight, and it will turn into a 
 Dollar. 
 
 And she came home and told her mother. 
 And she said. Here is a piece of Paper, and I will 
 wrap my Tooth in it; and in the morning the 
 Tooth will be gone, and in its place will there 
 be a Dollar. 
 
 And her mother could not permit that the 
 little maiden should break her heart or suffer 
 disappointment; therefore did she not forbid it. 
 
 And after the little maiden was asleep, then 
 her mother considered what was best to be done. 
 
 And in the morning the little damsel awoke, 
 and she felt under her Pillow, and behold, there 
 was no tooth there, but a Dollar. 
 
 And she ran down the stairs, and she cried 
 with a loud voice, saying. Behold, mother, what 
 hath happened ; for my Tooth hath turned into 
 a Dollar. 
 
 And she took the money to the Bank and 
 added to her Savings Account. 
 
 And the little damsel considered, and she 
 asked of her mother and inquired, saying, How 
 many teeth have I ? 
 
 And her mother said. Thou hast Twenty and 
 Four. 
 
 And she asked, Will they all come out? 
 
122 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 And her mother answered, Yea, and more will 
 grow in their place. 
 
 Then began the little maiden to consider how 
 that she could Support the Family with the 
 Unearned Increment from her Teeth. For she 
 said. Mother, I have twenty and four teeth, and 
 every one of them shall turn into a Dollar. 
 Consider how Rich we shall be. 
 
 And her mother told it unto me. 
 
 And she asked, Ought I to have told her that 
 the Tooth turneth not into a Dollar, and that 
 her friend lied unto her? For behold, these are 
 the days of the High Cost of Living; and if I 
 am in for twenty and four dollars to provide the 
 means for this transformation, that is a little 
 more money than I contemplated. 
 
 And I said. Trouble not thyself. The little 
 maiden will face quite soon enough the stern, 
 hard facts of life. Deprive her not of her little 
 happy illusions, nor seek to fetter too soon with 
 the shackles of Grim Reality the precious gift 
 of the Imagination. For this is the gift of God, 
 and we of this age do too much clip its wings. 
 Behold, here is a Dollar into which the next 
 Tooth may be transformed, and when thou seest 
 another Tooth working loose, come again to 
 thy father. 
 
 For the little maiden hath learned a very 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 123 
 
 precious thing, which is to make an asset of 
 one's losses, and to transform the vacant 
 interstices of life into opportunities of larger 
 promise. I would she could teach unto all 
 humanity that if it will lay its losses under its 
 pillow, and go to sleep with faith in God, the 
 night worketh a wonderful transformation, and 
 joy Cometh in the morning. For this is my hope, 
 even when I lay away not a Tooth only but 
 the body of which the Tooth is a part, that the 
 day shall dawn and the shadows flee away. 
 For His is the image and superscription upon 
 the coinage of that into which life's losses are 
 convertible in the morning of the new day. 
 
 And I shall be satisfied when I awake with 
 His likeness. 
 
 THE MINISTER AND THE SAW 
 
 Now there came to me one of the sons of the 
 Prophets, even a young minister, and he said, 
 My church treateth me harshly. 
 
 And I said. What hast thou done to thy 
 Church? 
 
 And he said, I upbraided them, and I told 
 them they were Miserable Sinners. 
 
 And I answered, Thou didst speak truthfully 
 and unwisely. 
 
124 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 And he said, Is it not wise to speak the truth? 
 
 And I said, It is not wise to speak anything 
 else; but Truth is precious, and should be used 
 with Economy. 
 
 And he said, There were Great Reforms 
 that needed to be wrought in that Town, and 
 a Great Work to be done, and I had hoped 
 to Inspire the Church to Do Those Things. 
 But they are Stiff-necked, and they seek to 
 Fire me. 
 
 And I said to him. Come with me into my 
 Garden. 
 
 And we went out into the Garden, and I took 
 with me a Saw. 
 
 And I said. Climb thou this tree, for thou art 
 younger than I. 
 
 And he climbed the Tree, and sat upon a Limb 
 thereof as I showed him. 
 
 And I said. That limb needeth to be Cut Off. 
 Take thou the saw and Cut it Off. 
 
 And he began to saw beyond him. 
 
 And I said, Saw on the other side. 
 
 And he began to saw, but he stopped, and he 
 said, If I saw the limb between myself and the 
 Tree, I shall surely fall. 
 
 And I said unto him. The minister who push- 
 eth a Reform faster than his Church will follow 
 him, and findeth himself Fired, is like unto the 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 125 
 
 man who Ascendeth a Tree, and Saweth off a 
 Limb between himself and the Tree. 
 
 And I left him there, and I went into mine 
 House. And he sat there Some Little Time in 
 Deep Meditation. 
 
 And he Climbed Down, and returned to his 
 own Church. And he called the elders thereof 
 together, and he said, I have been foolish, and 
 liave sought to Bring in the Millennium Before 
 Sundown. Be patient with me, and I will strive 
 to be more patient with the Church. 
 
 And they answered and said, Now thou art 
 Talking like a man of Sense. Continue thou to 
 chasten us for our sins, and show us how to be 
 better, but expect not the Impossible, and lo, 
 we will stand by thee till the Cows Come 
 Home. 
 
 And the minister whom the Church was about 
 to Fire took thought, and added a Cubit to his 
 Stature; and his Church Rallied about him, and 
 the last I heard some of the things he wanted to 
 Get Done were being done. 
 
 And he wrote me a letter, saying, 
 
 O Safed, thou didst have me Up a Tree, but 
 behold I am down and on the Job, and if thou 
 wouldst see a happy and united and hustling 
 Church, where the people love their minister, and 
 the minister loveth his people, and where every- 
 
126 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 thing is up and moving, and good is being done, 
 come over and see us. 
 
 And I read the letter and rejoiced. For there 
 are Ministers who have learned How to Saw, 
 but neither When nor Where. And if they will 
 Climb my Apple Tree I will teach them wisdom. 
 
 THE TRANSPLANTED PINE 
 
 Where I go in Summer, there grow trees, and 
 there is an hill where men dig out Gravel. 
 And there was a Young Pine Tree that grew 
 upon the top of the Gravel Hill, above the Pit. 
 And the earth had fallen away from beneath 
 it, so that it fell down into the Pit, and it clung 
 to the earth above by a Single Root. And thus 
 had it hung for many weeks. 
 
 Now my sons came home, and we rejoiced to 
 see them, and they sojourned with me and 
 Keturah for a few days. And one of them came 
 from the Army and another came from the 
 Navy, and another came from the Balloons that 
 fly above the ships, for it was a time of war. 
 
 And my four sons put on Old Clothes, and 
 they inquired of me, saying. What shall we do 
 that is too hard for thee? For thus do my sons 
 speak unto me. 
 
 And I said, Bring out the Wheelbarrow, 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 127 
 
 and the Spade and the Mattock, and come 
 with me. 
 
 And when they saw the Tree, they said. Shall 
 we transplant it? But surely it will not live? 
 
 But they said, Let us give unto the Boss no 
 Back-talk. If our father desireth any old thing, 
 that will we do. 
 
 And I said. Boys, I think that we may waste 
 our labor; nevertheless, I desire to give unto 
 the tree a chance for its life. 
 
 So we found a place for it, and we digged an 
 hole, and we digged out the one root that held 
 the tree. And we placed the root thereof on the 
 Wheelbarrow, and we planted it. 
 
 And it was in August. And certain of the 
 neighbors said. Hast thou not Pine Trees 
 enough? Behold, thy woods are full of them. 
 And this one will surely die. 
 
 Now we went away, and in a year we came 
 again. For the war ended, and my sons 
 returned, for which I thank my God daily. 
 
 And behold, the Pine Tree died not, but grew. 
 And though it had but one root in the ground 
 when we took it up, and the time was Summer, 
 yet did it live; yea, and it still liveth. And 
 its height is twelve cubits, and its thickness is 
 the thickness of the arm of a man. 
 
 And I stood beside the Pine, and I spake 
 
128 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 unto it, saying, Thou mayest well thank me and 
 thy Lucky Stars, and my Four Sons that thou 
 didst not perish in the Horrible Pit and the 
 Sliding Gravel. 
 
 And the Pine Tree said unto me, I owe unto 
 thee my life, but I did not ask thee for it, and I 
 know not yet whether I shall thank thee. But 
 if thou desirest me to grow, then do thou make it 
 possible for me to grow. Let not my root be 
 smothered with growing Brush, nor permit the 
 Scrub Oak to shut me out from the Blue Sky 
 and the Blessed Sun. 
 
 And I considered that Life is not enough; for 
 there should be also something that shall make 
 Life worth living and Growth and Joy possible. 
 
 And I prayed unto my God on behalf of all 
 men whose lives are shut in so that they have 
 little place for their root nor much opportunity 
 of seeing the blessed Sun. For what the Pine 
 needeth do they need. 
 
 THE VALUE OF THINGS DESPISED 
 
 Now There is an Handmaiden of the Lord 
 whom I know and Honor, and she had an 
 Accident, so that her Arm was Bound Up in a 
 Sling. And I went to see her that I might 
 Comfort her in her Affliction. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH i2g 
 
 And I found her very Cheerful, for such is her 
 Wont. 
 
 And I asked her what ailed her Arm, and she 
 answered that she thought it was a Sprain, but 
 that the Physician had given it a name such as 
 Physicians give unto the ills of people who can 
 afford it. And he told her that it would be well 
 in a Fortnight or Thereabout, but meantime to 
 be Careful, and look well to her Diet, and have a 
 Specialist examine her Tonsils, and have an 
 X-Ray made of her Teeth. For such is the 
 habit of Physicians. 
 
 And I said, I am glad that it will soon be well. 
 Meantime, be thou thankful that it is thy Left 
 Hand. 
 
 And she answered and said, O Safed, art thou 
 a Wise man, and hast thou nothing better to 
 say to me? Behold, I have learned a better 
 lesson than that. 
 
 And I asked her, What is the Lesson? 
 
 And she said, I am finding every blessed 
 minute of the day how few things I can do with 
 my Right hand alone. Wherefore, I am thank- 
 ing God that all these years I have had a good 
 Left hand, as well as a Right. 
 
 And I meditated, and I said. Thou hast well 
 said. Well would it be for us all if we could 
 learn thus the value of the things we despise. 
 
I30 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 For the Right Hand is from God, and so also is 
 the Left; and he who loveth his Right Hand 
 should not forget to thank God that He hath 
 given him the Left Hand also. 
 
 THE FLESH AND THE SPIRIT 
 
 There came unto me one of the Sons of the 
 Prophets; and he was a goodly young man. 
 His Brow was High and Pale, and so was the 
 rest of him. And he took himself Seriously, 
 which is not a Bad Thing to do if one work not 
 overtime on the job. 
 
 And forasmuch as Keturah had other fish 
 to fry on that day, I took him to Luncheon at a 
 Restaurant. 
 
 And he looked upon the bill of fare and 
 heaved a sigh. And he said, I have to be Very 
 Careful of my Eating. 
 
 And he spake unto the Waitress, and he said, 
 Give me a Very Thin Slice of Toast, and a Very 
 Soft Boiled Egg, and a Cup of Hot Water. 
 
 Now I thought that it would do him good to 
 receive a Little Jolt. 
 
 And I spake unto the Waitress, and I said, 
 Bring unto me a Thick, Juicy Beefsteak, and a 
 Baked Potato with a Trap Door in the Top, and 
 a Chunk of Butter in the Trap Door, and some 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 131 
 
 Paprika sprinkled round about the Butter; 
 and bring unto me also a Cup of Coffee, and a 
 Quarter Section of Hot Mince Pie with the 
 Bark On, and a Slice of Cheese with the Pie. 
 
 And the Waitress smiled a Little Subjective 
 Smile, for she knew that I did not always go in 
 quite so Heavy, and she surmised that it was an 
 Object Lesson. But she spake nothing, save 
 that she said, Yessir. And she departed. 
 
 And the young man was Astonished. 
 
 And he said, Thou art a man with Gray Hair, 
 yet dost thou give thought to what thou shalt 
 eat and drink. 
 
 And I said. That is just where thou dost fool 
 thyself. It is thou who givest thought to it. 
 For thou dost ever consider what thou shalt 
 eat and what thou must not eat; whereas I 
 think not of it at all; but when I come to the 
 Table, then do I eat, and give God thanks that 
 I have food and good digestion. 
 
 And he said. With such an Appetite, I wonder 
 thou art not dead long since. 
 
 And I said. Thou wilt be dead before thou art 
 half my age if thou forget not to think about thy 
 Digestion. 
 
 And I said unto him. My son, hearken unto 
 me, and learn wisdom. It is not for nothing 
 that the Good God hath put our Stomach and 
 
132 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 all the Organs thereunto appertaining out of 
 our sight. It is not the overloading of the 
 stomach that killeth men so much as the over- 
 loading of the mind. I am this day eating more 
 than is my wont; but I shall get away with it, 
 and thou wilt have Nervous Indigestion over 
 thy Nursing Bottle Stuff. 
 
 And I said unto him, Rise early in the morn- 
 ing. Get a little exercise before Breakfast. 
 Eat lightly but sufficiently, and get in a good 
 morning's work. Get out in the afternoon, 
 and make thy Parish Calls on foot, and make 
 about five times as many of them as thou art 
 now making. Then shalt thou come to the 
 table with such appetite that thou couldst eat 
 an Horse with the Harness on. Eat heartily, 
 yet not as a Glutton. Leave the table while 
 thou art still Capable but not Desirous. As for 
 the kind of food which thou devourest, eat 
 what is set before thee and ask no questions, 
 save it be for a second helping. It is not that 
 which goeth into a man which causeth indiges- 
 tion, but the evil thoughts of whether it is safe for 
 me to eat this or that or so much. The man who 
 preacheth hath need of a good flow of Red Blood. 
 For him a Beefsteak is a means of Grace. And 
 when thou hast eaten and art full, give thanks 
 to God; and as for thy Digestion, Forget It. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 133 
 
 Now in after days he came again to me, and 
 he said, To see a man of thine age consume a 
 Beefsteak and a Hot Mince Pie was to me of 
 more worth than half that I learned in the 
 School of the Prophets. 
 
 And I beheld that he was no longer Pale, but 
 a sure enough Man. 
 
 THE HORNETS' NEST 
 
 When Summer cometh, I and Keturah we leave 
 the City behind us, and we go Far From the 
 Madding Crowd to a place where there are 
 Trees and a Little Lake. And the trees of 
 the Lord are full of sap, and also full of Birds 
 and Squirrels and such like things. And we 
 suffer no man to harm them; yea, our children 
 spent their summers there, and played among 
 them and made friends of them and harmed 
 them not. 
 
 Now when we arrived at the beginning of 
 this summer, behold, there was a great Nest of 
 Hornets in one of the trees hard by the house. 
 And it was certain days before we saw it. 
 
 Then came to us certain who said, Destroy 
 it, for it will make thee trouble. 
 
 And they said, Know ye that these are no 
 Nice Little Yellow Jackets with a Gentle Sting; 
 
134 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 for these be the Regular Old Fashioned Big Black 
 Fellows, with a sting about an Inch Long; and 
 the way they sting is Something Fierce; and 
 when one of them cometh after a fellow, then 
 do they all come, and settle upon him so that he 
 is Black with them, and sting him mightily. 
 
 And I said. Those hornets saw us several days 
 before we saw them, and they troubled us not. 
 So long as they behave like Gentlemen or Ladies 
 or whichever they ought to be, I will harm them 
 not. 
 
 So we let them alone. 
 
 And I and Keturah we watched them as they 
 went in and out of the many holes of their Nest. 
 For the Nest was larger than the head of a man. 
 And they worked so that compared to them the 
 Little Busy Bee is a Sluggard. And they paid no 
 manner of attention to us. Yea, we came near 
 and beheld, and they went on about their 
 business. 
 
 And I considered how foolish it had been to 
 try to destroy the Nest; for then had they 
 stung us; yea and those that escaped had 
 remained and come at us daily until either we or 
 they were driven out. 
 
 But the good God hath given unto them some 
 measure of the joy of life, and they menace us 
 not save as we trouble them. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 135 
 
 Wherefore did we mind our own business, 
 and the hornets did the same. Neither did we 
 in all the summer get one sting, or have one 
 hornet fly at us. 
 
 And I considered how many men there are 
 who continually Hunt Trouble. For whenever 
 they see any sort of thing that doth J'irritate 
 them, then do they throw a club at it and get 
 stung good and plenty. And then do they 
 come with a pole and a rag soaked in coal oil 
 and get stung some more. And so it goeth with 
 them all through life. Whereas there is a 
 More Excellent Way. 
 
 For both I and the Hornets we minded our 
 own business. And the Hornets are still there. 
 And no man molesteth them or maketh them 
 afraid. 
 
 This parable teacheth that it is well for a man 
 that he mind his own business. 
 
 HEROES AND HEROINES 
 
 There came to me a man and a woman, even 
 an Husband and his Wedded Wife, and they 
 said, We are weary one of the other. 
 
 And I said. Why is it thus? 
 
 And they said, We have grown common- 
 place to each other. Once we were to each other 
 
136 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 an Hero and an Heroine, but now we are 
 Neither. 
 
 And I said, Napoleon did not look heroic to 
 Josephine after she had seen him with his 
 Suspenders hanging down his back; neither did 
 Joan of Arc look heroic when she held her Front 
 Hair in her mouth while she did up her back 
 hair. 
 
 And they said. But he was an Hero and she 
 was an Heroine. 
 
 And I said. Heroes and Heroines cannot 
 appear heroic all the time. Caesar did not look 
 heroic when he had pushed his slippers too far 
 back under the bed, and he had to get down and 
 fish them out with an umbrella; but that be a 
 necessary thing, even to Heroes and Heroines. 
 
 And I said to the woman, When the Baby 
 was sick, eight years ago, did not this thine 
 Husband watch with thee day and night? 
 
 And she said. He did. 
 
 And I said unto the man, When thou hadst 
 lost half thy money in a Fool Speculation, did 
 she not stick by thee like a Little Burr, and 
 cheer thee up, and never say, I told thee so? 
 
 And he said. It is even so. 
 
 And I said, Go down on your knees. 
 
 And they knelt. 
 
 And I said, Join hands. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 137 
 
 And they did so. 
 
 And I prayed to God on their behalf, till 
 there came to their eyes tears of Memory and 
 Love. 
 
 And I Smote them lightly on the back, and I 
 said, I dub thee an Hero; I dub thee an Heroine. 
 
 And I sent them forth. 
 
 And they lived happily ever afterward. 
 
 GOOD HEALTH AND VERACITY 
 
 I met a man, and I saluted him and said. 
 Good Morning. 
 
 And he answered me with a Grunt. 
 
 And I said unto him, It is a Fine Day. 
 
 And he said, It may be, but I feel Sick. 
 
 And I said. According as thou feelest, so art 
 thou. 
 
 And he said, A fellow cannot help feeling 
 bad when he doth feel bad. 
 
 And I said, Thou art most surely wrong. 
 
 And I said. Where dost thou feel ill? 
 
 And he said, I was out late last night at a 
 Party, and I went to bed Two Whole Hours 
 later than usual, and I slept but an Half Hour 
 later than I commonly do, and I rushed for my 
 train. Therefore doth my Head Ache and I 
 feel ill. 
 
138 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 And I said unto him, How many arms hast 
 thou, and do they ache? 
 
 And he said, They are all right and their 
 number is Two. 
 
 And I said, How many fingers hast thou on 
 each hand, that would pain thee if any one of 
 them were cut or broken? 
 
 And he said, I have ten fingers, but I see not 
 what that has to do with it. 
 
 I said unto him. Take heed to what I say and 
 learn wisdom. The two hours of sleep that 
 thou didst lose are something, but not much. 
 It is thine extra half hour in bed that aileth thee. 
 Thou shouldest have risen a little earlier than 
 usual and burned a little more Oxygen. If 
 thine head felt Rocky, thou shouldest have 
 said, I have two good legs, which are all right, 
 and I will stretch them with a little walk. I 
 have two good Arms, and I will swing them. 
 I have two good Eyes and I will fill them with the 
 Beauty of the Morning. I have two good 
 Lungs, and they pain me not; I will cram them 
 with Fresh Air. I have two good Ears, and never 
 an Earache; I will listen to the Birds as I walk. 
 
 And I said unto him, I am accustomed to 
 going to bed two hours later than usual. It is 
 not the loss of sleep that hurteth a man if he 
 lose a little more in getting fresh air. 
 
SAP ED AND KETURAH 139 
 
 And he said, Thou speakest words of folly. 
 If a man lose sleep, he must make it up; and if 
 he feeleth ill, there is no reason why he should 
 lie about it. 
 
 And I said. According as a man thinketh in 
 his heart so is he well or ill. The good God who 
 made this world hath put into it that where- 
 with we may be strong, and he who riseth in the 
 morning with a heavy feeling in his head ought 
 to have more sense than to lie later than usual 
 and gorge his breakfast and run for the train, 
 and then blaspheme his God by telling the world 
 that he feeleth ill. 
 
 And he said, It is just possible that thou 
 speakest a little bit of good sense, and I have not 
 considered it before. 
 
 And I said unto him, Consider it now, and it 
 shall be worth more than an whole Apothecary 
 Shop to thee. 
 
 FAILURE AND SUCCESS 
 
 Keturah made a Cake. And the manner of 
 making it was this. She baked it in Three 
 Sections, and when they came from the Oven, 
 she laid them one upon another so that the Cake 
 was Three Stories in Height. And between the 
 layers she placed Frosting, yea, and more 
 
I40 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 Frosting upon the top thereof. And into the 
 Frosting did she put handfuls of meat out of the 
 Cocoanut. For there be many kinds of cake 
 that I like, even every kind that Keturah 
 doth make, but the best of all is the kind that 
 is made with Cocoanut. 
 
 And when she served the Cake, she said, 
 Alas, my lord, it is a Failure. 
 
 And I said, Wherefore should it be a Failure? 
 
 And she answered. The Telephone did ring 
 just when the Frosting should have been 
 attended to, and it hath not sufficiently hard- 
 ened. Yea, it is Sticky, and a Failure. 
 
 And when I beheld it, lo, very much of the 
 Frosting had run down the sides of the Cake. 
 Nevertheless, there was much of it still upon the 
 top, and between the layers, and the Cocoanut 
 was all to the Good. 
 
 And I said. Since it is a Failure, it were well to 
 eat more of it, and put the Poor Thing out of 
 Sight. 
 
 And Keturah said. Thou hast well said. Eat 
 thou another slice, and yet another. 
 
 And I did as I was bidden. And albeit the 
 Cake was a trifle Sticky, there was nothing else 
 that was not one hundred per cent, to the 
 good. 
 
 Therefore, when she maketh something that is 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 141 
 
 Unusually Good, I say unto her, Is not this a 
 Failure? For I desire another piece. 
 
 And I would that we might somehow readjust 
 life that all life's Failures might somehow make 
 for success. Yea, I remember that my God hath 
 promised that in some way that I know not the 
 wrath of man shall praise him. 
 
 For if this world, which is a cake not turned, 
 can scrape some of the char from its overdone 
 side, and bake the side that is dough so that it 
 can be eaten, then shall I rejoice. For I would 
 believe that this world is a success, and by faith 
 I so accept it. 
 
 THE BED AND THE MATTRESS 
 
 I journeyed unto a distant City. And I 
 made a Speech. And I tarried there until the 
 next day. 
 
 And one of the principal citizens invited me 
 unto his home. And I went with him, and he 
 entreated me well. 
 
 Now when he had shown me unto my Room, 
 I beheld that all the Furniture was of Solid 
 Mahogany. And the Bedstead was a Work of 
 Art. But when I laid my Weary Form upon 
 the Bed, I sought to sleep, and I could not. 
 For the Mattress also was of Solid Mahogany, 
 
142 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 or something quite as Uncomfortable, and with 
 Knots in the Mahogany. And the Spring 
 sagged, so that it deposited me in an Heap in the 
 middle of the Bed, and I required a Derrick 
 wherewith to get out of it. 
 
 Now the good God, who made the Trees, 
 made them of many kinds, and the Wood of 
 those trees hath each of them its own variety of 
 Beauty. And I love the color of Mahogany, 
 even when I suspect that it is Birch with a 
 Stain upon it. But when I go unto my Bed, I 
 soon forget the color of the wood, and I desire a 
 Good Mattress and a Comfortable Spring. 
 
 And I considered concerning mine Hospitable 
 Hosts that they had had about Fifty Dollars 
 wherewith to buy a Bedstead and Spring and 
 Bed for their Guest Room, and they had spent 
 Forty of it for the Bedstead, and divided the 
 Ten which they had left between a Sagging 
 Spring and a Solid Mahogany Mattress with 
 Lumps in It. 
 
 Now I considered that there are other people 
 who do likewise. For I went unto the House of 
 God, and there rose a Preacher, and he Preached. 
 But he had put Forty Dollars of his Preparation 
 into the Framework of his Sermon, and had only 
 Ten Dollars and Five Minutes left wherein to 
 Preach the Gospel. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 143 
 
 And I called upon a man who was not a 
 preacher, and I found that he was putting Forty 
 Dollars of his Energy into Getting a Living, 
 and less than ten dollars into the actual business 
 of Living. 
 
 And 1 thought about the Solid Mahogany Bed 
 and Mattress, and I said. The people who read 
 these Parables are High Brow, and they want no 
 Parables made out of such Homely and Common- 
 place Things. But I opened the book of the 
 Prophet Isaiah, and I found there the words 
 that he said, 
 
 The bed is shorter than that a man can stretch 
 himself upon it, and the covering narrower than 
 that he can wrap himself in it. 
 
 And I knew that Isaiah was a tall man, even 
 as I, and that when the bedclothes pulled out 
 at the foot, he could make a Parable out of it for 
 the High-brow people of Jerusalem. And I 
 thought I would take a chance at it. 
 
 For there are many people in life who put 
 too much into the Mahogany Bedstead and not 
 enough into the Mattress and the Spring. 
 
144 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 PROTEIDS AND CALORIES 
 
 We went, I and Keturah, unto a Feast. And 
 the Feed was good, but the talk about it was 
 Indecent. For the women talked of how to 
 prepare a meal that had in it a requisite number 
 of Calories and Carbohydrates and other such- 
 like Immodest things, and the men talked about 
 how Gladstone gave unto each bite of Steak 
 Thirty and Two Chews and how Horace Fletcher 
 chewed Seventy-three times upon One Bean. 
 
 And after they had talked this subject out, 
 and then some, one of them said. Why is Safed 
 silent? For we have not often known it thus. 
 
 And I answered them not. 
 
 And they pressed me, and asked me if I felt 
 not well. 
 
 And I said. There be three things which I 
 like not; yea, four do I abominate. The first 
 is Scandals. And the next is Anything which 
 giveth unto one man a chance to Monopolize 
 the Conversation, particularly if he be another 
 than myself. And the third is stories of ocean 
 travel which some fool doth always bring 
 around to a story about Seasickness. And 
 the last and most Indecent is talk about Diges- 
 tion and Calories and other Infamies. 
 
 And they said, But surely it is meet that a 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 145 
 
 man should know what goeth into his food, and 
 whether it be wholesome? 
 
 And I said, It is better for him to marry a 
 woman like Keturah, and trust her, and to keep 
 himself ignorant about everything save that it 
 tasteth mighty good and doth not cost more 
 than his income. 
 
 And one of the women said. We are all study- 
 ing about Foods and Balanced Rations, and it is 
 natural that we speak of it when food is being 
 eaten. 
 
 And I said, I would not have you ignorant of 
 Calories, nor would I have a Physician ignorant 
 of Gizzards and Spleens, but I would forget 
 them at the Table. 
 
 Now by this time the Conversation had gotten 
 to where I might monopolize it, and I said, 
 
 Eating is not a Pretty Exercise. Dogs do 
 carry away the bone, and gnaw it aloud and 
 growl. But man hath learned to sit down at the 
 table opposite to another man and not be dis- 
 gusted at the sight. Yea, and I count it a high 
 reach of Civilization when we can eat decently 
 together. But as for talking of the Constituent 
 Parts of Food, I abhor it. I eat Food, not 
 Calories; good, well-cooked, well-served, appe- 
 tizing Eats, not Carbohydrates. 
 
 And I said, The dear Lord Christ rejoiced that 
 
146 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 men at Table could talk of things other than 
 food. And he took Bread and Drink and said, 
 This do, in remembrance of me. 
 
 And they said, Wouldest thou then that we 
 talk only of Religion at the Table? 
 
 And I said, Religion for me is the whole of 
 Normal Life, and I would talk of all things Fine 
 and High and Friendly and Mirthsome, for so 
 the good Lord would have us do. But I would 
 eat and give God thanks and forget about Ca- 
 lories and Digestion. 
 
 And one of the men swore a Great Oath, and 
 he said. By Heck, thou art right. I am Fed 
 Up on this Calory Stuff. Let us cut it out. 
 
 And they all said, From this time forth all 
 talk of Scandal, or Seasickness or of things 
 relating to Food and its Digestion is Taboo. 
 
 And one of them said, Was there not a fourth? 
 
 And the hostess replied, There was, but that 
 would be hard on Safed. Therefore will we 
 not include it. 
 
 THE DOUGHBOY AND THE KITTEN 
 
 I have witnessed no exhibition of Ardor 
 chastened with Prudence more evident than is 
 evinced by a Discharged Doughboy at a Special 
 Sale of Shirts, having Sixty Dollars in his pocket, 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 147 
 
 and remembering that besides the Shirts he 
 must have a Suit. 
 
 And I beheld such an one on his way to pro- 
 cure his Citizens' Clothes, and he walked with a 
 brisk step, with a stride such as he learned in 
 the Fields of Flanders. 
 
 Now the street through which he passed had 
 houses that were built solidly the one against 
 the other, but each had a Small Dooryard in 
 the front of it, with a Gate and a Brick Walk 
 that led from the Door down to the Street. 
 
 And there stood at the Door of one of the 
 houses a Small Kitten. And it pleaded pite- 
 ously that it might enter. But there was none 
 that regarded, neither any that opened the Door. 
 
 And the Doughboy turned upon his Heel as 
 he had been the Pivot Man in a Left Wheel, and 
 he turned to the Left, and he opened the Gate, 
 and he walked down the Brick Walk, and rang 
 the Bell. And when the Door was opened, then 
 did he hand in the Kitten, and Salute, and walk 
 away. 
 
 And I know not whether the Lady of the 
 House liked it or not but she received the 
 Kitten into the House, and did not shut it out. 
 
 And the Doughboy went on his way unto the 
 Shirt Sale. 
 
 And when I saw him do that, I wished for 
 
148 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 him that he had money enough left over to 
 buy him an Extra Good Striped Silk Shirt and 
 a Four Dollar Necktie, besides those that he 
 had money to buy. For I like that kind of a 
 Doughboy. 
 
 Now I thought of the habits of men, and how 
 many there be who are so engrossed with their 
 own Troubles, and so cumbered with the cares 
 of life, that they never have time to see any 
 kittens at other people's doors, and see them at 
 their own only that they may drive them away, 
 and who look with little concern upon the 
 sorrows of their fellow men as they pass on their 
 way to Mill or to Market. 
 
 And I said, It would do a great many men an 
 Whole Lot of Good as they march straight down 
 the walk of Life, if they would look now and 
 then to the right or the left, and behold the 
 needs of other living creatures, and do for them 
 the little deeds that cost but little and brighten 
 the day. 
 
 For there are other creatures besides kittens 
 that wail at unopened doors; and some of us 
 could open some of them, and still get to the 
 Shirt Sale in time to spend all the money that 
 we have. But the day would be brighter for 
 some one, and no darker for ourselves. 
 
 And a little later I passed the place where they 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 149 
 
 sold Shirts, and the Doughboy was coming out, 
 with a Good Big Package under his arm. And I 
 blessed him in mine heart. 
 
 THE PIANOLA 
 
 Of stupidity in men full grown have I seen 
 not a little, and for some of it have the owners 
 deserved great credit ; for only by profound study 
 of the business of being stupid could they have 
 become as stupid as they are. But it goeth to 
 mine heart to see in little children any manner 
 of infirmity. Therefore am I saddened when I 
 go to Public Institutions for Children, yet glad 
 that such things be for the children who have 
 need of them. And one such institution there 
 is for children that are Feeble Minded. And I 
 saw therein what they endeavor to do for chil- 
 dren in whom the good God appeareth to have 
 forgotten to make minds. 
 
 And among the rest was one who could play 
 upon a Pianola. 
 
 And he did take rolls of Paper with Holes 
 punched through, and tread with his feet, and 
 the thing made musick. 
 
 And it was good musick, because the Rolls 
 were good. But he knew not the Unfinished 
 Symphony of Schubert from There'll be an 
 
I50 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight. But 
 whatsoever was on the Roll, he played it. And 
 to his feet it was good exercise, and to his mind 
 it was a Pleasant Noise. 
 
 And I spake to the Superintendent and I said, 
 Behold, I have enjoyed the musick, albeit the 
 child that made the musick knew not that it was 
 musick. 
 
 And I thought much. And I remembered 
 men who make noises with their mouths which 
 to them are Great Wisdom, and to the rest of us 
 but Noise, and how with them the effect is the 
 reverse of what doth happen when a Simple 
 Child doth tread out with his feet musick which 
 he knoweth not as such. 
 
 And I said to the Superintendent, It were well 
 if thou didst have here certain men who are 
 wise in their own eyes, and whose words are 
 empty of wisdom. Then mightest thou treat 
 them with the system. And if peradventure 
 thou couldst work that system backward for 
 their benefit, then might they hear how foolish 
 are their own words. And it might be in time 
 that they could make their heads as effective 
 as the feet of a foolish boy. 
 
 But the Superintendent was not sure that his 
 System could be worked backward. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 THE UNIDENTIFIED TASTE 
 
 I was once a Lad, and I loved Candy. And 
 the Candy of that day came not in Boxes at a 
 Dollar and the Half of a Dollar for a Pound, 
 else had I never seen any of it with a Telescope. 
 But it came in Sticks. And the price of a Stick 
 of Candy was a Cent. And if one had great 
 wealth, then might he obtain six sticks for Five 
 Cents. But I seldom had Six Sticks. 
 
 Now there came unto our house a Visitor 
 who brought unto us a small Paper Bag of 
 Candy of another Sort. And it was of many 
 sorts. And I ate one of the lumps, and it was 
 more delicious than anything that I had ever 
 eaten, or have eaten since. 
 
 It was not hard, but was more nearly soft; 
 yet it was not utterly soft and squashy; but 
 it had in it shreds of a substance with a flavor 
 of its own, and it grated upon the teeth with a 
 most celestial sensation. It gave unto the sense 
 of taste a New Experience as of something that 
 might have been contained in a Story Book, 
 but never known in Real Life. It left in my 
 mouth a Reminiscent Longing, mingled with a 
 Happy Consciousness that I had experienced 
 something finer of its kind than ever before had 
 occurred to me. 
 
152 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 Now as the years went by, and as I ca.me to 
 know more about the various Kinds of Candy, 
 I bought many kinds. For I love Chocolate 
 Creams, and Cream Patties, and Divinity Fudge 
 and divers other kinds, and I think that I shall 
 always care for it. And I sought for many 
 years for a kind of Candy that should taste 
 as did that piece which I ate in my boyhood, 
 but I found it not. 
 
 And it hath sometimes occurred to me that 
 it may have been Cocoanut Bar that I ate, and 
 knew not the name of it. But I have eaten 
 much Cocoanut Bar and it is good, but it tasted 
 not as that tasted. 
 
 So it seemeth that I shall go through life 
 desiring that I may once again taste something 
 as good as that which I once tasted, and that 
 I shall not taste it again. 
 
 For, if it be so that what I ate was Cocoanut 
 Bar, and I have eaten other since as good, then 
 do I surely know that it was something in me 
 that hath been lost, and not anything in the 
 Candy. For I can never bring to it the appetite 
 of a Boy, though mine is a Close Approach unto 
 it. 
 
 And I considered the men who scold their 
 wives because they cannot cook as those men's 
 mothers did. And I consider that their wives 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 153 
 
 are better cooks than their mothers, but that 
 the men of jaded appetites bring no longer to the 
 table the hunger of a boy, that is able to trans- 
 form very ordinary cooking into something 
 marvelously good. And I advise those men 
 not to demand of their wives such cooking as 
 mother produced until they saw wood long 
 enough to get an appetite such as mother's 
 darling little boy was used to possess. 
 
 But if there be any good woman who maketh 
 Home Made Candy, and who can make me some 
 that shall taste like that which I ate in that day 
 when I was a boy, I would saw wood for some 
 time for the joy of having that taste again in 
 my mouth. 
 
 But if I never have it again, then shall no 
 man take away from me that, or any joy that 
 I once have had. For those joys are mine own 
 forever. 
 
 THE KEEPER OF THE INN 
 
 I lighted upon a certain place, and lodged 
 there, I and Keturah. For there was an Inn 
 in that place that was famous, and the master of 
 the Inn had written unto me, saying. Come thou 
 and bring Keturah, and lodge in mine Inn, and 
 it shall not cost thee a Cent. 
 
154 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 And when I arrived, behold there were people 
 before the desk who were standing in line, and 
 the Clerk was saying. We have no room, but 
 are full to the Roof. And they were offering 
 Big Money for any old place to sleep in this 
 Inn. But unto me and Keturah did he give a 
 Swell Room and Bath. And he said. Fret not 
 thyself on account of the demand for Rooms, 
 but stay as long as thou canst. 
 
 Now I talked with the master of the Inn, and 
 I said, There be men who say of thee that thou 
 art Visionary, and a Dreamer of Dreams; while 
 others say that thou art a Cold Calculator, and 
 that thou chargest to Advertising thine Art 
 Gallery and thy Musick Hall and all the rest 
 wherewith thine Inn is adorned. Tell me, I 
 pray thee, on the level, how much of this is 
 Idealism, and how much is straight Business? 
 
 Then he answered me and said. Forty and 
 four years ago did my mother open an Hotel 
 on this lot, and I was a lad who Peeled Potatoes, 
 and Hustled Baggage and Ran Errands, and I 
 grew up to the Business. And I have always 
 been in Debt up to my Neck, and have always 
 lacked Fifteen Cents of having enough money 
 to do anything that I wanted to do. And I never 
 dared to dream any Dreams that would not be 
 accepted as Collateral at the Bank, or yield a 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 155 
 
 net revenue of less than Six Per Cent. Fool 
 not thyself with any notion that I am in this 
 Business for my Health. My best advertise- 
 ment is not mine i\rt Gallery but my Kitchen, 
 which is open to all comers and where all may 
 see just what goeth into the Soup Kettle. And 
 my next-best advertisement is not my Musick 
 Room but my Dining Room, with no spots on 
 the Table Linen, and no dead flies in the food. 
 
 But if I can manage the Boarding-House 
 Business so that there is in it a touch of Romance, 
 and a Pleasing Suggestion of Musick and Art, 
 what doth it matter whether I be a Dreamer or a 
 Mercenary Scoundrel, so long as the Bank is 
 getting its Interest, and Guests plead for rooms 
 in mine Inn? 
 
 And I said. At least it mattereth to thine own 
 heart. 
 
 And he said, A man who is in Business must 
 be honest, or move frequently; and in my 
 Business, removal is inexpedient. It is cheaper 
 to be honest than to move. And it may be 
 cheaper to maintain a Court of the Birds and 
 an Art Gallery than to have Vacant Rooms, or 
 to spend much money for Advertising. 
 
 And he said, I like Musick, and so doth my 
 wife; and Birds and Bells and Pictures are not 
 without a charm for me. I am a Seller of Soup, 
 
156 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 a Compounder of Hash, a Mixer of Mincemeat. 
 And no Art of Musick will compensate for Badly 
 Cooked or Meanly Served Food. But and if the 
 Food is according to Hoyle, and each Bed is a 
 Paid Up Insurance Policy against Insomnia, 
 and besides this the Inn have a little Touch of 
 Mystery and of Pleasant Memories, is that 
 Idealism or is it Advertising? 
 
 And I said unto him. Thou art a Benefactor 
 of Mankind. For thou hast made two Blades 
 of Grass to grow where often there was less than 
 one. Thou hast ministered unto a Physical 
 Necessity in Exchange for Money, but thou hast 
 contrived to touch the transaction with Poetry 
 and Reverence. And the fact that thine Inn 
 is now a Manifest Financial Success is one more 
 proof that this old World is Fundamentally 
 Sound at the Core; and that the things that are 
 worth while have a little more than a fifty-fifty 
 chance of success. 
 
 BEING PUT OFF AT OCONOMOWOC 
 
 The train whereon I rode was called the 
 Olympian Limited. And I woke in the morning, 
 and behold, the train was an Hour Late. And 
 it troubled me not. For he who sold me my 
 Ticket at Minneapolis said: This giveth thee a 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH iS7 
 
 Ride unto Hartland, but a Sleep to Oconomowoc 
 only. But and peradventure the Train be an 
 hour or more late, so that thou miss the Local, 
 then shalt thou ride on the Olympian to Hart- 
 land, and it will stop and let thee off. 
 
 So I woke, and said, I have an Hunch that I 
 shall ride on this train to Hartland. And I 
 went to sleep again. 
 
 And the Olympian stopped at Watertown 
 Junction, and the Conductor spake unto the 
 Porter, even unto the Ethiopian who ruled my 
 Car, and said unto him. Waken up the man in 
 Lower Six who hath a Ticket for Hartland, and 
 put him off at Oconomowoc; for behold, we 
 passed the Local back here at Astico, and he 
 shall get off and ride on that. So shall this 
 train not stop for him at Hartland. 
 
 Now I lay in my Berth and heard these words. 
 Therefore did I not wait for the Ethiopian to 
 tug at my Bedclothes, but I rose and put on my 
 Raiment. And they put me off at Oconomowoc. 
 
 And the Local stopped at Giffords and at 
 Okauchee and at Nashota and at Nagawicka. 
 And then we came to Hartland. For the dis- 
 tance from Oconomowoc is Eight Miles, and 
 there be Five Stops. 
 
 And as I rode I meditated, and I said. Upon 
 that Train I was not Safed the Sage, neither 
 
158 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 was I any of the things wherein men might hold 
 me apart from other men, but I was the man to 
 be put off at Oconomowoc. And the Conductor 
 thought concerning me only that he was mighty 
 glad to get me off. And the men who gathered 
 in the Washroom as the train drew nigh unto 
 Milwaukee rejoiced that one man had gotten 
 out so that he crowded them no more; even as 
 the people give thanks in Rhode Island when a 
 Fat man dieth. 
 
 And I considered the Train of Life, and those 
 who ride upon it. I saw Thrones and those whose 
 hands once held Scepters, but who now Saw 
 Wood, and I said unto each of them: Here is 
 where thou dost Get Off, for this is Oconom- 
 owoc. 
 
 I looked to the North, and I beheld Steel 
 Strikes, and to the South, and behold. Coal 
 Strikes; and to the East, and I beheld Police 
 Strikes, and to the West, and there I saw Race 
 Riots. Also I beheld them that worked with 
 the hand getting great wages and they that 
 worked with the brain sore pressed with the High 
 Cost of Living. And I beheld in a Vision those 
 that had been Masters moving into Flats, and 
 they who had been Servants moving into 
 Palaces; and they who had been rich hastening 
 across the Street to a safe place on the Curb 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 159 
 
 while they that had been poor Honked by and 
 spattered mud upon them. 
 
 And everywhere was unrest and uncertainty. 
 And it seemed to me that the Limited Train of 
 CiviHzation was feeling the grip of new Brake- 
 shoes on her Wheels, and that I heard the 
 solemn tones of the Conductor, crying in a loud 
 voice, and saying, Oconomowoc! All change. 
 
 THE MAN WHO RAN OVER A 
 RATTLESNAKE 
 
 There was a man who owned an Automobile, 
 and he drove unto places afar. And there was 
 a day when he stepped on the Gas, and went out 
 into the country. And he beheld in the road 
 ahead of him a Rattlesnake. And the Rattle- 
 snake was crossing the road, and asking of him 
 no favors save that he observe the speed limit, 
 and give unto Transverse Traffick a fair share 
 of the Publick Highway. And when the man 
 saw the Rattlesnake, he ran the wheels of his 
 Car over it, so that the back of the Serpent was 
 broken. And the Serpent writhed in pain and 
 died and the man drove on. And he patted 
 himself upon the back and said, I have wrought a 
 good deed, and there is one less enemy of the 
 human race. And that may have been true; 
 
i6o SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 neither am I reproving him for what he did; 
 for I am no friend of Rattlesnakes. 
 
 Now it came to pass as he drove on, that one 
 of his Tires went flat, and he stopped and 
 removed it. And he found in the Inner Tube a 
 small Puncture. For something had penetrated 
 the Outer Tire, and cut it through. And he 
 felt of the inside of his Outer Tire with his finger 
 tips to find if peradventure a Tack had gone 
 through his Tire, that he might remove it before 
 he put in a new Inner Tube. And he found 
 something that pricked his finger, and it felt 
 like a Tack. But on the next day that man 
 died. 
 
 Now I once knew the President of a Railway 
 who was unjust to a Brakeman; and the Brake- 
 man rose to be a Conductor, and then a Division 
 Superintendent, and then a General Manager, 
 and then he caused the President to be fired, and 
 he sat in the President's seat and he said. It 
 all was written down in the Book of Fate from 
 the day the Old Man Cursed me from his 
 Private Car. 
 
 And I have known of very humble men who 
 have Resented being run over by Mighty Men, 
 and who have kept it in mind for years until 
 they found their opportunity. Yea, I have 
 known the blind, unreasoning bite of a man 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH i6i 
 
 whose back was broken to leave a poisoned fang 
 for the finger of him who had run over him. 
 
 Wherefore beware lest thou think too meanly 
 of him whom thou despisest; neither be thou 
 too ready to run over even the humblest of the 
 creatures of God. For in this manner are the 
 haughty brought often to humility. 
 
 THE WORM IN THE CONCRETE 
 GUTTER 
 
 There came an Heavy Rain, so that the Angle 
 Worms did come out of their Holes in the 
 Earth. And one of them wriggled over the 
 Curb into the Street, and came into the Gutter. , 
 Now that street was Macadamized, and the 
 Curb and the Gutter were of Concrete. And 
 the Worm Wiggled along, and he was unable to 
 Bore an Hole through the Concrete that he might 
 find him an home in the earth ; -neither could he 
 climb again up the side of the Curb. And he 
 was much Discouraged. 
 
 And I found him there. 
 
 And I said. This world is the world of a Good 
 God, and in it every form of life hath some 
 mission. I have read in a Learned Book how the 
 Earth Worms like unto this one or its Ancestors 
 did make this earth Fertile ; else there had been 
 
i62 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 no soil for the growth of such things as men do 
 eat. And Worms are good also to feed the Early 
 Bird, and to bait an Hook wherewith to draw 
 out Leviathan. But where in all the provi- 
 dence of God is there moral meaning in the 
 catastrophe of a Worm in a Concrete Gutter? 
 
 And I said, Little Worm, I have no present 
 call to go a-fishing, and there is no early bird in 
 sight. I might make an Hymn of thee, as 
 certain men have done who call themselves 
 Worthless Worms; but a man for whom Christ 
 died hath no right to call himself a Worm; 
 therefore will I cut out the Hymn Stunt, and 
 call myself by a name either better or worse. 
 But I have been in case like thee, where the 
 Heavens were Brass, and the earth offered no 
 refuge, and I should have been in Despair but for 
 the Help of a Friend or the Love of God. 
 Behold, I will be unto thee as God; for I have 
 the power of life or death of thee. 
 
 And I picked up the Worm, and lifted him 
 over the curb, and laid him on the Wet Earth. 
 
 And neither he nor the Early Bird knew that 
 I had done this. 
 
 Even so hath God holpen me in times when I 
 wot not of it. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 163 
 
 PHILOSOPHY AND MONEY 
 
 There came to me a Rich Man, who spake 
 unto me, saying. What is a Philosopher? 
 
 And I said, As is his name, so is he; one that 
 loveth Wisdom. 
 
 And he said. Art thou a Philosopher? 
 
 And I said. Humblest am I among the most 
 humble of her servants; yet am I a lover of 
 Wisdom. 
 
 And he said, I am no Philosopher, but I am a 
 Rich Man. What dost thou consider a Rich 
 Man to be? 
 
 And I answered, As one whom God hath 
 blessed so richly with abundance of Soup where- 
 on he filleth himself so that he hath no room nor 
 appetite for the Ice Cream, so is many a Rich 
 Man; but also there are Others. Of which 
 sort art thou? 
 
 And he said. If thou art a Philosopher, thou 
 shouldest know. But art not thou thyself a 
 lover of Money? Yea, doth not every Philoso- 
 pher love Money more than any Rich Man 
 loveth Philosophy? 
 
 And I said. That question hath been asked of 
 old. And there was a Rich Man in Olden Time 
 who thus asked a Philosopher wiser than I. 
 And that Philosopher answered, The reason 
 
1 64 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 that Philosophers care more for Money than 
 Rich Men care for Wisdom is that Philosophers 
 know what they Lack, and Rich Men know not. 
 
 And he said, The Philosopher who said that 
 was a Wise Old Boy. 
 
 And I said, O thou Rich Man, thou art not 
 altogether hopeless. Even like unto the Big 
 Monsters of the Deep that yet are Mammals 
 and not Fish, so hast thou something besides 
 Gills; yea thou hast Lungs that are fitted for 
 More Oxygen than thou canst extract from the 
 Salt Water of Business; and now and then must 
 thou Come Up to Breathe. 
 
 And I said unto him. 
 
 Hearken thou to me. The Philosopher is 
 not saved by his Philosophy, and it is Right 
 Possible for him to be at one and the same 
 time a Philosopher and a Fool; neither is there 
 any way under Heaven whereby either may be 
 saved if he use not the gift of God for the wel- 
 fare of others. 
 
 And he said. Thou art indeed a Wise Old Boy. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 165 
 
 THE CONVENTION OF THE 
 LUMBERMEN 
 
 The time drew on toward Christmas, and the 
 ground was white with snow. And there came 
 to the City where I dwell a Convention of 
 Lumbermen. And they lodged in a great Inn, 
 and they held daily Sessions, and they rode 
 about the City, and had a Good Time. 
 
 And I attended one of their Sessions. 
 
 And there rose a man who owneth many 
 Sawmills, and introduced a Resolution, denounc- 
 ing the Habit of cutting down small trees for 
 Christmas Trees. 
 
 And he spake on this wise : 
 
 Men and brethren, our craft is in danger. 
 Behold how the price of Lumber soareth because 
 the Trees grow few. Timber land which once 
 cost us but few dollars an acre, now costeth us 
 Many Dollars, and it lieth farther and farther 
 from the Railroad. And what shall be the end 
 thereof? Moreover, there are in this land 
 Families unto the number of Twenty Millions, 
 and each of them hath its Christmas Tree, which 
 despoileth the land of its Young Trees, and 
 cutteth off the supply of the Future. Where- 
 fore, consider, and let us petition the Legislature 
 to make it a Misdemeanor to cut down any tree 
 
i66 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 for the purpose of making thereof a Christmas 
 Tree. 
 
 And they spake one and another of them to 
 the same end. 
 
 And I rose and said, O ye Strainers out of 
 Gnats and Swallowers of Camels, before ye 
 pass that motion, amend it so that it shall read 
 that every Lumberman be sent to jail who 
 cutteth down one large tree and planteth not 
 ten small ones. Yea, and let him be beaten 
 with many stripes if he leave his tops to take 
 fire and burn over and desolate the land of its 
 young timber. If thou wilt hang a few Lumber- 
 men for their high crimes and misdemeanors, 
 then will there be Lumber for all, and Wood to 
 burn, and Christmas Trees once a Year for 
 everybody. 
 
 And one of them said, Safed is an Idealist, but 
 he knoweth not that the kind of lumbering which 
 he adviseth is not Commercially Profitable. 
 
 And I said, Ye savers at the Spigot and 
 Wastrels at the Bung, reorganize your business 
 that it shall be profitable to provide for the 
 Future as well as for the Present. And cease to 
 condemn those who have small trees at 
 Christmas. 
 
 And no man spake more in reply, but I 
 inferred that my remarks were not Popular. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 167 
 
 THE AUTUMN HOLLYHOCKS 
 
 There came unto me a woman, being un- 
 married, even one whom the profane call an 
 Old Maid, being one of those women whom 
 the Lord loveth too well to give her unto any 
 one man. 
 
 And she sat before me in bitterness of spirit. 
 And she said : 
 
 I desire to open unto thee mine heart, for it is 
 full of bitterness. There is no one on earth to 
 whom I am necessary. Behold, thine hand- 
 maiden was once young and fair, and when 
 young men saw me, then did they desire me. 
 And I might have been married and the mother 
 of children. But my parents kept me close so 
 that young men feared to look at me. And 
 my brothers sought wives, and married and 
 begat sons and daughters, and sent for me to 
 take care of their children, but I had none of 
 mine own. Yea, and when my father and my 
 mother grew old, then did I remain with them, 
 and care for them, and humor them when they 
 grew Childish. And now they are dead and 
 buried, and their souls are in Heaven, and my 
 life work is done. And I am an Old Maid, and 
 life hath nothing left for me. 
 
 And she said. If I go unto a Wedding, then do 
 
i68 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 men whom I have known long, and who were 
 young when I was young, joke with me, and say, 
 It will be thy turn next. And I smile, though I 
 fain would murder them. For being an Old 
 Maid is no joke when one hath done her life 
 work and hath more years to live and nothing 
 to live for. 
 
 And I said unto her. The sun is bright, and 
 the day is warm, for this is the season called 
 Indian Summer; and for this and the Moccasin 
 and the Canoe, I do thank the American Indian. 
 Step out with me into the Garden, for I have 
 somewhat to show thee. 
 
 Now the Garden was laid waste by the frost, 
 and the beauty that had been was but a memory. 
 But at one side is there a Mulberry Tree, and 
 beyond it a Garage where I keep old books, 
 and an Hoe and a Shovel and an Wheelbarrow: 
 for I have no Automobile save an Wheelbarrow 
 and the Cars of my friends, who are Many. 
 
 And under the shade of the Mulberry Tree, 
 hard by the Garage, was there an Hollyhock in 
 Full Bloom. And the color thereof was beau- 
 tiful. 
 
 And she exclaimed concerning it, and won- 
 dered with great admiration that it was so late 
 in Bloom, and the Blossoms so beautiful. 
 
 And I said unto this woman, even unto this 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 169 
 
 Unappropriated Blessing who is called an Old 
 Maid, 
 
 Thou art like unto this Hollyhock. 
 
 And she said, Do not mock thine hand- 
 maiden. 
 
 And I said, This Hollyhock was shaded by 
 the Mulberry Tree and by the Garage, so that 
 it grew slowly. But when the heat of the 
 Summer fell upon the Garden, then did this 
 Hollyhock grow secure and wilt not. And 
 now when Frosts have fallen upon other Flowers, 
 it blossometh like the Spring. 
 
 And I said unto her, Put on thy prettiest 
 frock, and tire thine hair becomingly, and drop 
 ten years from thine age, and go forth and 
 blossom. For God hath yet work for thee even 
 though thou live single. Yea, and because men 
 are very Susceptible Creatures, who knoweth 
 whether there be some Perfectly Good Widower 
 looking for just such a Late-Blooming Flower 
 as thou shalt be? And if not, still is it better 
 to Blossom than to die with frost at the heart. 
 
 And the next time I beheld her, she looked 
 ten years younger; and certain men did sit up 
 and take notice. 
 
 And I counted this among my Good Deeds. 
 
I70 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 THE GOLDEN HAIR 
 
 The daughter of the daughter of Keturah 
 put her left arm around my neck, and drew my 
 face close down beside hers, and held me where 
 we could look both of us at ourselves in a large 
 Mirror. And I saw therein the face of a dear 
 little girl and the face of a Grandfather who 
 loveth her. 
 
 And the little maiden appeared to see some- 
 thing and to miss something in what the Mirror 
 disclosed. For she caught up her Golden Hair 
 with her right hand, and cast it over my head. 
 
 And she cried out in great glee, and she 
 said, 
 
 See, Grandpa, see. Your hair is Orange- 
 Colored. 
 
 And I gave her a good, tight hug and a kiss. 
 And I took her hand, and we came unto 
 Keturah. And I said unto her. Who saith that 
 Safed is Aged, and where is the man who doth 
 afhrm that his hair is Grey? Behold, mine 
 hair is Red-Golden. 
 
 And I and the daughter of the daughter of 
 Keturah showed unto her our Stunt. But we 
 did not quite fool Keturah. For she knew what 
 color was mine own hair that was underneath 
 the golden curls of the little damsel. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 171 
 
 Yet did I walk away with a lighter step, and 
 I said, Let no man call me old. I have reliable 
 information that mine Hair is Orange-Colored. 
 I am not old, so long as I have a little Grand- 
 daughter to keep me young. 
 
 Now the season was the Autumn; for the 
 summer was past, and the harvest was ended. 
 And I looked at the Trees, and, behold, the leaves 
 thereof were Red and Golden. 
 
 And I removed mine Hat, and I addressed 
 Nature, saying, 
 
 I am something of a bluffer myself, and I 
 understand thy Camouflage. Thou no less 
 than I dost feel in thy veins the approach of 
 Autumn, and thou makest a Brave Bluff. Thou 
 canst not turn backward the procession of the 
 Seasons, nor bind with the sweet influence of 
 the Pleiades the flight of time nor the coming of 
 the Frost. But thou hast somewhere hidden 
 in the Woods a little Fairy that saith unto thee. 
 Thou still art young; put on thy Glad Rags 
 and Smile. And behold, here thou art, with 
 Winter only two laps behind, and thou art pre- 
 tending to feel young. 
 
 And I said, 
 
 Nature, thy method is O. K. and I am glad 
 that out of the mouth of a little girl I have 
 learned the same happy little Bluff. We are 
 
172 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 neither of us liars. Beneath every leaf that 
 smileth as it prepareth to wither and to drop, is 
 the bud of new life. The smile of the forest 
 in Autumn is the prophecy within its roots of 
 Eternal Youth. It is even so with me. It is 
 not always May. But I am determined to 
 keep my skyline clear and my waistline trim 
 and mine heart young. And if ever I should 
 have a suspicion that mine hair tendeth toward 
 Grey, then I know how to change the color, and 
 to go forth with head and heart both young. 
 
 THE LITTLE GIRL IN THE BLUE 
 DRESS 
 
 I rode upon a Train from New York even 
 unto Chicago. And the Train was Full. And 
 among the rest was there a Young Mother with 
 a Little Girl. And they were going unto South 
 Bend and the little damsel wore a Blue Dress. 
 
 And the little maiden and I became friends; 
 for Little Girls like me, and I do verily believe 
 that Good Little Girls are made of Sugar and 
 Spice and all that is Nice. 
 
 And she had Dominoes wherewith to play. 
 And she sat with me, and we set up the Dominoes 
 to make Beds. And we made of them Single 
 Beds, and Double Beds, and we tried to make 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 173 
 
 Beds such as were in the Train, but we did not 
 succeed very well. 
 
 And we had ridden all night and much of the 
 day, and it drew toward evening. And I said, 
 This place is Elkhart, and the miles unto Chi- 
 cago are an Hundred and One; and here do they 
 cut off the Dining Car, and it is our last long 
 stop. And we shall reach Chicago in Two Hours 
 and Twenty Minutes, and South Bend will be 
 before that. 
 
 And she said, I would that South Bend were 
 farther. 
 
 And I inquired of her why she said so. 
 
 And she said. There will be Very Hard Letters 
 to learn in South Bend. 
 
 And I said, Why dost thou think there will be 
 Hard Letters to learn? 
 
 And she said, I had just begun to go to school 
 when my father got a new job in South Bend 
 and sent for us. And I learned A and B and C 
 all the way down to X and Y and Z, and how to 
 spell CAT and DOG and COW and many more. 
 And my mother says that now I must begin all 
 over again. And the Letters will be different ; and 
 who knoweth how they spell COW in South Bend ? 
 
 And I said. Fear not. They spell it mostly 
 with a C, and only a few of them begin it with 
 a K. 
 
174 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 And she said, It will all be so different, and I 
 fear it. I wish this old Train would go on and 
 on, and never come to South Bend. 
 
 And I saw that the little maiden was sore 
 distressed by reason of the Very Hard Letters. 
 
 And I said unto her. Fear not, my dear. I 
 have been in South Bend; yea, I have passed 
 through it an hundred times. The letters there 
 are A and B and C, and X and Y and Z, and 
 there are twenty-six of them and no more. 
 
 And she inquired, Art thou sure? 
 
 And I said. Sure thing. And CAT and DOG 
 are the same as in New York, and all that thou 
 didst learn there will be good in South Bend. 
 
 And the little maiden was comforted. 
 
 Now this hooting, whanging train of human 
 life moveth swiftly; and ever and anon there 
 getteth on some passenger who wondereth how 
 it will be in the place to which he journeyeth, 
 and who approacheth life's destination with 
 fear. And I prayed unto my God that he would 
 send unto all such some of his Experienced 
 Angels, who would say to all such timid souls, 
 Fear not. The Alphabet of Heaven is the 
 kindly deeds and gracious words which thou hast 
 learnedjin the Kindergarten of Life. Heaven 
 and Earth have a Common Alphabet, and all 
 that thou hast learned will be of value there. 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 175 
 
 And the little maiden flung a kiss toward me 
 as the Train pulled out of South Bend, and I 
 beheld her in the arms of her father. 
 
 SEEING THE FIRE ENGINE 
 
 My little Grandson came unto my house, and 
 he was Sobbing. 
 
 And I inquired, saying, Why is my little lad 
 grieved ? 
 
 And he burst into piteous Lamentation, 
 and he cried, I want to see the Fire Engine. 
 
 And his mother spake, saying. We came past 
 the Engine House, and the Firemen were Wash- 
 ing the Engine. And he desired to tarry, but I 
 said. We will stop as we return from the Post- 
 ofifice. And behold, when we returned, the Fire- 
 men had taken the Engine inside, so that we 
 saw it no more. 
 
 There are sorrows great and sorrows small: 
 but the sorrow of the small boy who hath desired 
 to see the Fire Engine and hath not seen it is the 
 Sorrow of Calamity. 
 
 And the little lad cried sore, saying, I want 
 to see the Fire Engine. 
 
 And I said. Come with me, for we shall surely 
 see the Fire Engine. 
 
 And as we started there came a man to 
 
176 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 see me, but I said, Tarry thou till I return, 
 or come again another day, for I am busy. 
 
 And we went unto the Engine House. And 
 I spake unto the Chief, and I saluted him, and 
 he saluted me. And I said, We desire to see the 
 Fire Engine. 
 
 And the Chief took the little lad and set 
 him on high, so that he sat far up on the seat 
 behind the Steering Wheel. And the Chief 
 gave him the Bell Rope, and the little lad pulled 
 the rope so that the Bell Rang. 
 
 And he saw the Ladders and the Truck, and 
 the Chemical Engine, and the Whole Business. 
 
 And certain of the Firemen ascended the 
 stairs, and slid down the Brass Pole that he 
 might see how they descended when there 
 was a Fire. 
 
 And the little lad had the Time of his Life. 
 
 Moreover, I had a Pretty Tolerably Good 
 Time myself. For I am not too old to remember 
 when I chased the Fire Engine. 
 
 So the little lad and I we came again, and 
 I left him with Keturah, and with his mother 
 the daughter of Keturah. And they said. 
 Have you two Small Boys seen the Fire 
 Engine? 
 
 And we answered and said. We have seen 
 it. And my Grandson told about the High 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 177 
 
 Seat and the Bell and the Brass Pole and the 
 Chief. 
 
 Now it came to pass that night when I 
 said my Prayers, that I spake unto Keturah, 
 saying, Some good things have I done this 
 day, and some it may be not so good. But 
 one mighty good deed have I done: I let my 
 work Go Hang for an hour while I went with 
 the lad to see the Fire Engine. 
 
 For he who doeth a kind deed unto a little 
 child, doeth it for all the long years that lie 
 ahead of that young life. Wherefore do I 
 say unto all men. Skimp not thy deeds of 
 kindness to any sort of man or woman, but 
 the good deed that lasteth longest is that which 
 thou shalt do unto a little child. 
 
 And moreover, it is an Whole Lot of Fun. 
 
 THE WIVES OF THE PROPHET 
 
 I and Keturah we were invited to a Recep- 
 tion. And Keturah inquired of me, saying, 
 Which dress shall I wear? Shall it be my 
 New one or my Blue one or the One I Wore 
 Last. 
 
 And I said. Let it be the Blue one. 
 
 And she said, I will wear All Three. 
 
 For this is our Little Joke; and her New 
 
178 SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 Blue Last Worn Dress looketh good unto me 
 when Keturah hath it on. 
 
 And I said, There will be no woman there 
 so fair as thou. For her Cheeks were red, 
 and she stepped off as if she were Sixteen. 
 
 And she said, O my Lord, there is nothing 
 more pleasing unto a woman than to look 
 well in the eyes of the man whom she doth love. 
 Nevertheless, I cannot forget the years nor the 
 grey hair which the years have brought. God 
 grant I may always look well in thine eyes. 
 
 And I said, Sure thing. 
 
 And I said. There was once a Prophet named 
 Mohammed ; and there are those who think that 
 he was a False Prophet, but that concerneth 
 not my story. And he had a wife whose name 
 was Kadi j ah. And it came to pass after long 
 years that she died. And he despaired of filling 
 her place with any one woman, and he married 
 many wives. And one of them was his Favorite, 
 and her name was Ayesha. 
 
 And it came to pass that Ayesha inquired of 
 Mohammed, saying. Am I not very beautiful? 
 And he said. Yea. 
 
 And she inquired. Dost thou not love me? 
 And he answered. Yea. 
 
 And she said. Am not I thy Favorite? And 
 Mohammed looked around to be sure that 
 
SAFED AND KETURAH 179 
 
 none of his other wives were listening in, and 
 he answered, Yea. 
 
 And she inquired yet further, Dost thou not 
 love me more than thou lovest any of thine 
 other wives? 
 
 And again he looked around, and he answered 
 softly, Yea. 
 
 And if Ayesha had been wise she would have 
 stopped there. But there was one question 
 which she wanted to ask more than all, and she 
 made the mistake of asking it. 
 
 And she said, O Mohammed, thou great and 
 noble man, dost thou not love me more than thou 
 didst love Kadijah? For she grew old and had 
 wrinkles and grey hair, and I am young and fair. 
 
 And Mohammed answered with a Great 
 Oath, and he said, 
 
 Nay, by Allah! For she it was who first 
 believed in me! 
 
 And I said unto Keturah, Though all the 
 fair women in the world were placed in line, 
 and I were led admiring down the length of it, 
 yet would I find no one among them all who 
 could create for me the memories of our struggles 
 and anxieties and economies and our meager 
 triumphs and our sweet and holy joys. Thou 
 in thy New Blue Last Worn Dress art unto thy 
 husband the fairest among women. 
 
i8o SAFED AND KETURAH 
 
 And Keturah said nothing, but she found 
 my hand as we walked away together, and she 
 gave it a Httle squeeze. 
 
 1^:' 
 
 ^^