\^5 IHHf -C5 7? LIBRARY OF CONGRESS IllllilllllillPllliilll 015 785 827 u HoUinger Corp. pH8.5 PS 1449 .C5 T5 Copy 1 THE THREE-FOLD LOVE A COMEDY m FIVE ACTS, BY FRANK COWAN, Author cf " Curious Facts in the History of Insects." Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year ISOG.bv Prank Cowaa, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the West- ern District of Pennsylvania. GBEENSBURG, PENN'A : PRINIED AT THE " HERALD " JOB OFFICE. l!<66. DEAMATIS PEESON^. Hon. Gotlieb Heidelberg, M. C. George Lackland, as 1. The crazy cove wat spouta, 2. Uncle George. 3. The Doctor. Sir Henry Howard, an English Cockney, engageci to Flirtina. Major Bopp. a German Count, in love with Flirtina, Dr. Squirm, a Yankee physician. MiCKiE O'Grady, Irish servant to Dr. Squirm. Tad , a news-boy. ^ Bob, a negro boot-black. V Street-criers. Steve, a negro oyster-boy. J Hon. Mrs. Heidelberg. Lenore, daughter to Hon. G. Heidelberg. Mrs. Squirm, wife to Dr. Squirm. Flirtina, daughter to Dr. Squirm. Aileen O'Ranter, Irish Servant to Heidelberg. Plot laid in Washington, D. C. Time : early part of year 1866. Costumes modern — exaggerated in lower charactersi. P5 1^^ •C5 >5 'THE THREE-FOLD LOVE. ^C T I. Scene I. Aiyavcmentinfrontof Heidclherc/shouse on Oapitol Hill. A Coal-hole in the centre. Enter Tad, a news-hoy. Tad. — Morning Chronic-ill! President's Veto to the Freedmen's Bureau Bill ! Morning Chronic-ill ! Enter GeOrge Lackland, [drunk and crazy.) Hello ! Johnny Eeb ! Good morning ! Lackl. — Do Siva's snakelike locks writhe in my hair? And is he glutting on ray living brain ? And quaffing up the life-blood from my skull ?-- madness, thou i;youlds't surfeit hell with fiends ! Tad. — \JJallm[i^'\ Hello ! Bob ! Here's the crazy cove wat spouts !— Go in, Canterbury ! Go in crazy I Enter Bob, a boot-blacJc. Boh. — Shine 'em up ! Union shine ! N ow's yer time ! And only cost you half a dime — shine 'em up, sir? Lackl. — His- visage downward bends, as if he were The fabled beast of iEthiopia, That hung its head to shield the world from Death Who shot bis poison' d arrow in its glance I Ha! ha! ha! lia ! Stand on your head, black basilisk, and look Me in the face ! Thy dreaded eye I fear not — For now a fatal glance has pierc'd my skull, And burns my brain as 'twere Acestea' shaft. Boh. — Yah ! yah ! go in crazy ! Tad. — Lay 'er down ! You Jonny Reb !J I/acJcI.T—A Johnny Reb ! The very boys rip out The bowels of my madden'd brain ! Ayaunt ! Avaunt ! ye cursed fiends of hell ! avaunt ! Tad. — Ha ! ha ! Go in, Johnny ! [^Exit crying^'] Chronic-ill ! Boh. — Yah ! yah ! crazy ! Hya's the way to strike yer Canterbury ! \_Strikes a Canterbury and exit , crying] Shine 'em up ! Lachl. — A rebel's name ! Oh, could e'en death itself Tear from my tortur'd soul that seething brand ! In that damn'd word the jaws of hell are howling ! Exit. Enter Mickie. Michie. — This way for Mr. Heidelberg's. Enter Dr. and Mrs. Squirm. Dr. Squ. — Amelia, dear, \_reading fromhooTc,'] as I have expressed it in my Epistle on Epidemics, an insur- mountable obstacle is reposing in the pathway you would perambulate. My article on trichiniasis and cholera, which, as you know, my dear, I have determined, by analogy and by careful microscop- ical examination, to be occasioned by infinitesimal animalculse floating about in the atmospheric ele- ment we breathe, must indisputably be presented first ta this Honorable Member of Congress. MicJcie. — Yis, yer honor, it's a murtherin' villain this cholera. An' it's divil a wake Tim Murphey got for fear of the outragious disease, whin Pat Casey's hod fell fomint his red head an' killed him dead on the shpot that he died the nixt night. Mrs. Squ. — Silence, Mickie ! —My appropriation! ^s- culapius. I insist upon stating my case first. What shall your wife's philanthropic generosity in distributing Hebrew tracts among our ignorant colored brethering be unpaid for by the govern- ment ? I must have my appropriation I Dr. Squ. — No, my dear. The trichiniasis and cholera this Member of Congress must have first !— Mick- ie, ring the bell ! \JMic1cie rm^s.] b Mrs. Squ. — I say my appropnauon'iirst 1 What I have women no rights! Read my last article in the Boston Journal. Dr. Squ. — Mickie, depart, and drive my daughter Flir- tina — no, Amelia, my trichiniasis first — around the capitoi. But return here — my article on cholera first — after a period of fifteen minutes has elapsed. Michie. — All right, yer honor. '[J.se'c?e,] 'Tis well seen they're from the hub-bub of the universe. Exit. Aiken. — [ Within,'] If yer umbrella-menders or persons saykin' cffices, Mr. Heidelberg says you may clear out, ye vagabonds. Dr. Squ. — It is beneath our dignity to reply, Amelia. 3Irs. Sqit. — It is, iEsculapius. Dr. Squ —'For once then we agree. Aileen. — \_Opens the door,~\ Arrah ! I thought ye were office saykers or ither vagabonds. Dr. Squ. — Present our cards to the Honorable Gotlieb Heidelberg. Aileen. — Come in to the parlor, an' I'll say him to larn if I must tell ye he is out, tho' all the time he is afther scratchin' fly-legs all over his papers. [Dr. and 3Irs. Sqit. go in, Alieen looking out of door.^ Aye, there goes my darlint Mickie into Whitney's ; he'll be afther comin' back when he's taken a wee dthrop. \jUleen goes in and closes the door.J^ Enter Major Bopp. Maj. B. — Tunner und blitzen ! wash ish der matter mit me ! I fights mit Siegel, und drinks mit Blenker, put I isii dishmissed und dishgraced ! I den meets der shweet Mish Flirtina, und she calls me a prave soltyer, und dances der German mit me ; und I shpends all mine monies on her ; und I calls her mine frauline ; and den, mine faderland ! she says she ish to marry der English Lord, de Henry Howard, who ish a cDward undfop. mine gott ! wash ish der matter mit me ! Den I gets me a let- ter to der Congressman Heidelberg foor ein koor- nelcy in der army ; unt I comes here fifty times; but, tunner und plitzen, he ish always djus t nichts a come arous ! Ah ! wash jsh der matter mit me l Put I'll catch der Congressman now— eh? Yaw ! [^Cfoes to ring the hell.'\ Aileen. — [From the coal vault,'] Mickie, darlint, an' its hoist the iron gratiu'! Maj. B. — Mine gott ! ish dat ein ghost ! Und sphrechen vom der ground. Aileen. — Mickie ! Mickie ! an' its hoist the iron gratin'! Maj. B. — Ah ! I dot it wassh ein ghcat. Tunner ! a praye soltjer ish never afeard of ghosts ! So I'll let dis woman out vom der coal-hole. [Raises gra- ting, reaches down, and pulls Aileen s head and arms out.] Aileen.— [Still holding 3Iaj. B's hand.] Array! ye Ditch villain, an' is it you ? Gorrah ! Ye're always afther ringin' the bell, and disturbin' yer bethers, ye Ditch vagabond ! 3Iaj. B. — ^Ah, mine gott ! wash ish de matter mit me now ! Aileen.-^ There, take that, and lave yer bethers alone ! [Throivs ahandfull of soot and ashes in his face^ and drops into the vault.] Maj. B. — Ah, mine faderland ! I ish plack just like ein plack neeger ! Ver ish der Pot-omac to vash minefaysh! Ah, mine gott, wash ish de matter mit me ! Exit. Re-enter Mickie. MicTcie. — Ha ! wishkey's the blood of the bowld Feni- anP ! Whoo ! hurroo ! for O'Mahony, the hid cintre ! Aileen.— [Rising from the coal-hole,] Whist ! Mickie ! an' is the dirty Ditchman gone ! iUfzcHe- ^Bedad ! yer a Wanus risin' out of the say. Aileen.— Has the villain gone ! Mickie.— A.i]eer\, mavourneen, ye're as rosy as the morn. Aileen.— The dirty divil of a Ditchman, Major Bopp, where is he, ye spalpeen ? 3Iickie.—ln purgatory, ye jewel ye, if he's had bis dues ! And perhaps further down— in Washing- ton, darlint ! [Ktieels and offers to kiss her.] AiUen.—K\ ye're jokin', Mickie, ye're jokin'. Enter Steve, blowing tin horn. Steve,— Rjvly'^ yer Saddle-Rocks and Shrewsburies ! Have some nice fresh oysters, Lyar ? Mickie — Clear out 'o this, ye native-born Amirikin ! ye wooly-haired Caucasian ! ye crow-heeled Irishman ! [Drives Steve out.^ Aileen, my darlint, that's my brither -we're a pair cf twins, both of us. Aileen. — Ye're the divil's own imp thin. Mickie — Hold here yer rosy chayks at any rate ! Ha ! ye look like a bloomin' rose at midnight. [^Kisses her.~\ Re-enter George Lackland. Lackl. — '0 love, fire ! once he drew With one long kiss my whole soul through My lips, as sunlight drinketh dew.' 3Iickie. — The divil ye say. Lackl. — 'Be sober, be vigilant; because your adver- sary, the Devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.' Aileen. — \_Slirieking .'] Och ! Mickie, dear, its the crazy cove ! Come ! come ! my darlint, its the crazy cove ! [Mickie struggles, hut Aileen pulls him along with her into the coal-hole.^ Laekl. — \_Scraping with his toe Mickie s hoots ivhich protrude from the hole,'] *■ The age is grown so picked, that the toe of the peasant comes so near the heel of the courtier, [courter'] he galls his kibe.' Mickie— K\\Qew J ye divil, let me be afther him. Aileen. — Its murther, Mickie, murther ! Re-enter Major Bopp, ivith a hrick in his hand. Maj. B. — Tunner und plitzen ! I ish a prave man, und I schlaght her on de kopf mit der shtein ! [_Sees 3Iickie's hoots.'] Put Oh, mine faderland ! wash ish dat ! Dis Irish frau vear boots, O mine gott ! Z^ckl. — ' The combat deepens. On, ye brave, Whp rush to glory, or the grave.' Mickie. — 'Bj the powers ! Aileen, let me go ! It's the villain Ditchman ! Whoo ! here's sedition ! see the Feuian uprisin'. \_Emerges feet for emost.~\ Lackl. — ' Hang out your banners on the outward walls ; The cry is still, They come !' Maj. B. — mine gott ! wash ish de matter mit me now! Miclcie. — Mather! I'd be afther weltin' ye till yer mither wouldn't know yes from a puddin, ye dirty Schwope. \_MicMe tumbles the Cferman ahout.'] Aileen. — [^Rising from the hole.'] Aye! give it to him, Mickie, the Ditch blackguard.— Och ! ye rantin' crazy cove, ye'd shcare the life out of a skiliton ye would. Maj. B. — Tunner und blitzen, wash ish der matter ! Lackl. — • Lay on, Macduff; And damn'd be he that first cries. Hold, enough !' \_MicMe throws Maj. B. on his hach.] Re-enter Dr. and Mrs. Squirm. Br. Squ.—- Ho ! ho I I command you to keep the peace ! Lachl. — ' Peace, peace ; when there is no peace.' Aileen — Welt on, Mickie ! Ic's not every day you can bate a Ditchman. Dr. Squ. — What ! ho ! another explosion of nitro-glyc- erine ! — Mickie, you rebellious filial descendant of Hibernia, depart ! I reiterate, depart ! Mickie — Just one more strike at the vagabond ? Exit. 31aj. B. — Ah mine faderland, wash feylt ! wash feylt ! [i?isro- and con-fusion. Enter Hon. Heidelberg. Hon. H. —There are two kinds of dogs in my new system — Four-legged dogs, which have the forms of dogs But lead the lives of human beings ; and 10 Two-legged dogs, which have the forms of men But lead the lives of dogs. These class all dogs. The first includes the mongrel, whelp, and cur ; The next, the dog nam'd Legion and — myself, The Honorable Gotlieb Heidelberg. [G-ets bottle of tvlmkey from behind docmjients, and jjours out a drink.'] To oil the wheels of my philosophy. [Drinks.'] I thought I'd come to Congress to survey This continent from Maine to Oregon ; To make the laws for the United States ; To turn the bloody torrent of a war Into the head-race of the mill of peace To grind the bread-flour of posperity And happiness for unborn generations ! To have my eye of thought ou thirty millions — , Zounds ! as for contemplating thirty millions, I have not time enough to shave myself In looking for the petty interests ' Of thirty individuals ! Poor dog ! [Pours out another drink.] 'Twill drown the grating of my collar, And clanking of my dog-chain in my kenneh [Brinks.] I'll see now what my masters bid me do. [ Unties his bundle, red-tape, ^c] Enter Mrs. Heidelberg. Mrs. H. — Why, Gotly, las a me ! you've got the dumps ; you've got the blues. You look as if a big June flood was washin' 'way your water-million patch and you could'nt save it ! Hon. H.~ Dumps ? blues ? No. Sarah Jane, sit down. Your husband's a dog. [Reads his letters.] Mrs. H. — A dog?— a Member of Congress, the Hon. Gotlieb Heidelberg, who made his half a million in two months at Pithole. My husband has an 'Hon- orable ' to his name ! Think of it ! That's what it is to be a Member of Congress ! JSnter AlLEEN. Aileen. — An' it's here's a bit of pasteboard foor the Honorable Mrs. Heidelberg. 11 iHfrs- H. —Las a me ! that's myself ! How nice ! Aileen. — The impudent Hinglish vagabond, yer lady- ship, gave it to me, he did. Mrs. H.—The idea ! Aileen ! And call the English lord, that's in love with my daughter Lenore, a vag- abond ? How dare you ? £[o7i. IT. — You are in the right, Aileen. With his hopewas, weceptions, juleps hof peppewmint, cwo- quet, — thunder, he would drive me mad in ten minutes ! Aileen, tell him, to clear out ! 3Irs. H. — Just like you, you old fogy ! you country 'squire ! — Aileen, show the English lord into the room. Aileen. — I will, yer ladyship. 3Irs. II. — And then, Aileen, inform my daughter Le- nore, that her ladyship, her mother, is desirous of seeing her in her father's study. Aileen. — Yis, yia, yer ladyship. Exit. Hon. H. — I suppose now I must pull up stakes too. Exit. Mrs. II.— Yes, go I And I'll warrant you'll be around here at Whitney's sucking brandy-cocktails through a straw ! — But ah, the English lord is coming ! Las a me ! I feel so nervous ! Think of it ! in love with my daughter ! She must have him and be an English lady! Think of it! Enter Sm Heney Howard. Hotvd. — Ah, Mrs. 'Eidelbewg, hi'm pewfectly 'appy to see you. 31rs. H. — Las a me ! Mr. Howard, you are so polite. Won't you take this chair ? Eowd. — Ah, thank you. hi sincewely pway that Miss Lenowe is hextwemely well ? 3Ir8. H. — She is, your lordship. Yes, las a me ! she'll be here in a minute and you will see. — But Mr. How- ard, I heard to-day you were engaged ? Hoivd. — Hengaged ! — to 'om, pway ? Mrs, JT.-' Why, las a me ! to Miss Flirtina Squirm. 12 Iloivd. — 'Ow pewfectly habsuTvd ! [^s?'(7c] Hegaa . lut s twue ! 3Irs. H. — The idea ! Of course 'I didn't believe it ! Why, she's nothing but a doctor's daughter! Howd. — Hit wounds my honovv to be hassociatcd with 'er. Enter Lenore. ' Ah, Miss Lenowe, youw pwesenco pewfectly delights me. Lenore. — Good evening, ]\Ir. Howard. Hoivd. — Ah, midame, can hi beg to 'ave the honow and 'iippiness of hescowtiiig youw Lidyship hand Miss Lenowe to the hopewa to-mowwow night? 3Irs. II. — Lis a me ! you dear soul ! you can take us every night ! you're so j)olite ar.d nice,— las a me! let's go to night ? Howd — Most 'appy hindeed ; but hi 'ave an hengage- ment. Mrs. H. — The idea ! Yes — I never thought of that. \_Aside to Lenore.'] And Lenore you 'ihall wear your new white bonnet! Think of it! an English lord in love with you, and going to take us to the opera! Lenore.— IMother dear, he cannot be in love with me. He talks to me only of operas and croquet. Mrs. H. — I say he is in love with ynu : And you roust marry him. Think of being an English lady ! Think of it ! Hoivd. — Ah, Miss LenoAve, does not the disagwecable fwagwance of these documents pewfectly haflect youw newves ? 3Irs. II. — And, his a me ! there are some of the stink- ing books just besides your highness on tlie table! The idea ! [ilirs. //. removes the books : findb Hon. H's bottle, w/iieh she hides in her chtldng after a great deal of tribulation.] Oh, excuse us, Mr. HcwaidV Why, las a me ! we'll go into the pal^r The i^ea ot bringing an English lord into a Member of Cuu- gross's room 1 13 IToivd. — Pwepostewous ! pewfectly pwepostewous ! 3Irs. 11.— ■\_Opens door._ J^xit Howard. 3Irs. H. puts bottle doivii] Oh, las a me \ il the English lord had seen my liusband's bottle ! —But, come, my daughter. Think of marrying this English lord, and being an English lady ! That's what it is to be the daughter of a. Member of Congress worth half a million ! Exit. Lenore. — My mother speaks not to her daughter, me, But to the lustre of my father's name. Which, glancing from his head, hangs over mine A spectre angel but a real fiend. — honor, clad in robes of brightness, and Encircled with the halo of a saint, Thou art a demon in thy nakedness ! The very breath that breathes thy life of sound Is freighted with the death of happiness. My mother speaks no; to her daughter, me, But to the glitter of my lather's gold Which seems to 'twine itself among my locks, AnJ courfie the threaded texture of my gown. And hang like tinsel'd fringe around my skirt, Till, cas'^d in gold, a chrysalid I seem : A chrysalid without but v,'orm within — Aye, worm that's tortur'd with ichneumon grubs Which gnawing at it's vitals make it writhe. wealth ! thou art my father's kindest slave. Why then a cruel master to his daughter ? Exit. Be- enter Hox. B[eidelberg. Hon. H. — This foppi>h English cockney drives me around as if he were indeed a John Bull and I a Jack Poodle ! Well, at best, I am a dog ! But I'll put a ring in his nose soon, damme ! It's oh. to be a Member of Congress ! to have Freedmen's Bureau Bills, and Civil Bights Bills dancing 'Ole Virginny nebber tire ' through ;your brain all night ! to have your radical constituents stamp on your conservative breast, and neigh and whinny like a mongrel cross between a nigger and a nightmare ! To wake up, and then be besioged by office-seekers before you've got your breeches on ! To bolt your breakfast next I 14 Then to get qualms and a sour stomach ly a Yankee doctor's confabulations on trichiniasis and cholera! And to have your ears distracted by a philanthropic Yankee marm, whc accompanies her Boston lingo on the nasal organ ! And then for six hours to hear the negro discussed by a pack of blathering fools! — But there's some consolation in my ' Old Monongahela.' {Looks for his bottle, but cannot find it.'\ Zounds ! Sarah Jane's been here ! misery — to be wed to thee ! Re-enter Aileen. Aileen.— An its Dr. Squirai and Mrs. Squirm, that's comin' so early at this time o' night. Hon. H. — Good heavens ! Aileen ! Tell them I'm in bed ! Tell them I've gone to Jerusalem ! Anything, Aileen ! Tell them I'm dead, and in Purgatory and don't want to awake ! Tell them to clear out, Aileen, and don't stand there gaping ! Aileen — Gorrah ! ye rant like a Fenian ! Eon. H. — Clear out ! clear out ! Aileen. — Yis, yis, yer honor. Exit. Hon. ZT.— It's enough to make an army chaplain— pray! I'll go now to my stall, and halter myself along with a nightmare ! Exit. SCENE III. Same as Scene I. Enter George Lackland. iac^?.— This rebel's title haunts me like a fiend ! It's staring in each visage that [ see, Till mad, I blind my eyes in drink ! but still It haunts me in my drunken dreams, a hag As curs'd as e'er tormented old Abudah ! Why ? why ? I lov'd my father— could he err ? I followed"proudly when he led the van. I lov'd my State— and could it be deceiv'd ? My step was firm to guard its sacred rights. But oh, the greater, blacker, damning sin Of war against my government blots all The merits of those deeds ; that greater crime 15 Damns all my former virtues— justly ? Aye.— Oh, for a draught of fire to burn my soul To hide my mis'ry in the blackeu'd''coal ! I]nter from door Hon. and Mrs. Heidelberg and Lenore. Hon. 5".— It was but yesterday I saw a brother Member take a bribe. I felt as if my country was insulted. I would have felt more pride to have been but plain 'Squire Heidelberg than an Honorable Member here. Lackl. — 'When vice prevails and impious men bear sway, The post of honor is a private station,' Hon. H. — Ha ! what oracle have we here that answers me so pat ? Lackl.— ' I am Sir Oracle, And when I ope my lips let no dog bark !' Miter Major Bopp. 3Iaj. B.—lln ! mine herr Heidelberg, I meets you now! und here ish my papers for you to sign to make me ein koornel in der army. Hon. H. — I have enquired about you. Major Bopp, and all tell me you are a coward and a drunkard. I can- not sign your recommendations. 3ff(j. ^.— Ah, mine gott, wash ish de matter mit me now ! Ah, mine herr, do write my papers ! Mrs. H. — Why, las a me ! Gotly ! sign his papers ! That's what it is te be a member of Congress ! Hon. U. — Stand aside — I cannot do it. \_To Lackl.'] Who do you say you are, sir ? Lackl. — 'I am thy father's spirit.' Hon. H. — You are my father's ghost ! As flat a lie as e'er I heard ! My father was a Pennsylvania German ! Lackl. — ' my prophetic soul ! my uncle !' 3Irs. H. — Las a me ! Aileen. — [Rising through the coal-hole] Whist ! An it's a good ear I have foor scintin' a row ! — Aye ! an there's the villain of a Pitchman ! [Disappears.] 16 Son. II. — How dare you, sir ! Who are you, scoun- drel ? Lackl. — ' I am his Hio;hness's doo' at Kew ; Pray tell me sir, whose dog are you ?' Hon. H. — The dog ot my constituents, 'tis true. But sir, I'd have you know I say that only I 3Iaj. B. — [^sitZe] Now ish der time to prove myself a prave soltyer; und get mine papers signed ; und be ein koornel ! — [Tb Lachl ] Tunner und plitzen ! you lyin' rashcal, you insult mine herr Heidelberg, I schlaght you on de kopf ! \As lie is about to strike, Aileen pulls him by the legs into the coal hole. He supports himself, hotvever, with his hands on either side of the hole'] Ah, mine gott ! wash ish de matter mit me now ! [^Aileen, p)ulling, pulls off his boots'^ und, mine faderland, I ish out of my poots ! Ah, wash ^ish de matter mit me now ! Bewitched ! be- witched ! \^Pulls himself upon the pavement and runs awaif.~\ Aileen. — \_Rising~\ An' he would be afther strikin' a poor crazy man ! But, gorrah, he's made a nate pris- int of his boots to Mickie, he has.— Whist ! there's my mistress. [D is appears.] Hon. H. — Do you see that cane, you rogue ? LacM. — ' Is this a dagger which I see before me, The handle toward my hand V Lenorc. — No ! father do not ! Aileen says he is a crazy man! Oh, father do not, I pray you! \_To Lackl.] Poor man, 1 pity you. Lackl. — ' Pity's akin to love.' Mrs. H. — Las a me! the crazy foalis talking love to our Lenore! Lackl. — ' A child of our grandmother Eve, a female : Or, for thy better understanding, a woman,' — ' I never spent an hour's talk withal.' 3Irs. //.—Las a me ! 'tis true ! And may she never hear your voice agam ! Lackl.— ' Cry, ' Sleep no more !' Macbeth does murder sleep ! the innocent sleep ; Sleep, that knits up the ravell'd sleeve of care.' 17 JTori. IT. — He's crazy as a loon ! — See here, my good iellow, have you not escaped from the stac^e ? LacM. — ' I hold the world but as the world, Gratiano ; A stage where every man must play a part, And mine a sad one.' Lenore. — Poor crazy man, your sad life wrings my heart. LacM.— ' 'Twas sad by fits, by starts 'twas wild.' Hon. a. — There's wit in all this madness. I think I've heard of this queer chap before. iMy good fellow, are you not called the crazy cove wat spouts ? Lacld. — ' A rose By any other name would smell as sweet.' Hon. H. — Here, take this money, sir. \_Gives moncy.~\ Mrs. H. — And this from me. \_Gives moneij.'] But don't you ever speak a word of love to our Lenore again ! Lenore. — \_Giving Jiiin a dollar biU~\ And take, sir this from me. Boor crazy man ! Your face with hunger haggard haunts me. Gro — buy some bread and meat, but drink no more. LacM. — 'When pain and anguish wring the brow A ministering angel thou !' Exeunt Hon. and Mrs. H. and Lenore. *Is this that haughty, gallant, gay Lothario ?' Ha ! ha ! ha ! ha ! I laugh — but 'tis the ghastly grinning of A skull without a soul to feel it. — But 'Put money in thy purse.' Ha I ha ! a dime ! Another! What is this? a dollar-bill ? Hello ! you've made a great mistake here ! ho ! She answers not : The money's mine in peace then. Who gave it to me 1 — I remember now, A lady, one who seem'd to pity me ; Who bade me go buy bread and — drink no more. Is this a dream ? Where is my memory ? My reason ? Am I crazy — mad, indeed! Nay ! nay ! a gentle lady pitied me, And said my haggard face did haunt her, And bade me, go buy bread, and — drink no more 1 3 18 And— drink no more ! — Aye ! I remember all. And Heaven bless thee, kind and gentle lady.— ^ Ha ! paper-bill,, though like the shroud of gold^ Thy sunny hair'd, and merry laughing brother, Who damn'd me once v/ith his great wealth—thou^j now, The token .of a lady's pity for me, Thou shalt redeem me from my misery! I'll drink no more ! no more ! This madman's mask. And crazy actor's garb and speech, I'll doff! And if a rebel to my country once, A life's devotion to t|ie Union now I offer in atonement for my crime. Accept it, great and gen'rous governmeiit. And blot the title ^ Rebel ' from my name ! And Heaven bless thee ! — Aye ; and thou, kincj one, Thou savior of an outcast, crazy man, May Heaven bless the.e — is my consta?it prayer I Exit A-CT II. ■SCENE I. The ^Senate steps. Lackland discovered disguised as an old pian .aged about sixty. Lackl. — We're titled then according to our coats. 'Tis well. And thanks ; for now this old man's garb Has rid me of the name of 'crazy cove,' As that base titled clos'd my ears against The shrill death rattle of a rebel's name. — gentle lady, whosoe'er thou art. Who sav'd me from a crazy rebel's grave, May Heaven picture all its happiness On every page of life thou turns't below. — - 19 madness damn'd to blur all recollection? Of my preserver from my memory 1 Mnter HoArARD, — doivii the steps'. aoivd. — ^Whewe can I find the cwazy cove v/at spouts? 'E did wecite v/ith most hexquisite tone. hi wish I could wecite so to LenoTve. 'Tis pcetwy that suits my twagic voice. Lenowe, too, says she loves good poetwy. hi'd 'ave 'er 'all a million then suwe pop. My money's neawjy hout, hand bills crowd hin ;■ hi must this giwl band 'alf a million vin. 'Twould be womantic, too, in twrrgic wewse, Hat once to vin a vife hand fill my puwse. — ■ Good mowwow, stwangew. Lachl. —Good moraing, sir. Hoivd. — hi twust you know the'cwazy cove wat spoutsr hi wondew whewe the CAvazy fool 'as gone ? Lachl. — The crazy cove has' not been recogniz'd Within the past five days. What would you with him ?■ Hoivd.-^ My deaw sivf, his that youw's how foy business? Lackl. —Ah, pardon me. I was too curious. Howd. — Ah, yes, most cewtairily. I condescend.-^ Hit stwikes me 'e was wewy stwange. 'E could wecite with most hexquisito tone. 'Is waving wewses, too, weWe a jJioopos. — - hi feaw hl'm hunintelligible to The vulgaAT poow. hi'll condescend hagain. — 'Is waving speech was haiways to the point. JLa'cM.— It seems his madness was quite strange, indeed. ITotvd.-^ Ah, wewy stwange. Lachl. — But could you tell me, sir,- Where I might possibly get work to-day ? Howd. — The pinnacle hof viilgah bimpudence I Vat ! do you think a common newsboy hl'm To peddle wound the wants hof all the poow ? Lachl. — -Ah, no. I thought you were a gentleman. Hoivd. — Wemembew, hinsolence, to 'om you speak ! Hegad ! dawe not to speak- th-ose wowds hagain ! 20 Lachl. — I thought you were a gentleman. Hoivd. — Hegad ! Hand am I not a gentleman ? ha lowd ? Hegad ! hold man, 'tis well you do wetwact : My hanger might 'ave made mo stwike you down. Hegad ! my Henglish blood boils hat an hinsult. hi might 'av stwuck you dead wight hen the spot ! Lacld. — You might — 'potentia remotissima. Hoivd. — hi might! hand wat? Hegad ! JLacM. — 'Twas a jyropos. — I fear I'm unintelligible to The vulgar rich. Now I'll descend. You might — A possibility the most remote. Hoivd. — Hegad ! hold man ! hand mock ha noble lowd! Hand 'twewe not fow youw haged, 'oary locks, hl'd LacTd. — Be more courteous to at least your equals. Howd.— hVd stwike Lacld. Or be struck most assuredly If I could deign to strike so mean a fool. Ilowd. — Hegad ! hand call me fool, old man ? LacTd. — Yea ; fool. Hoivd. — Parbleu ! hi'll call the Capitol police ! LacM. — But dare to cry ! I'd strangle you, by Heaven! \Lackl.., cool up to this time, now madhj clutches MowarcVs throat.'] Hoivd. — hi would not cwy hout fow the wowld. Vj, siw, To cwy, hl'd look just like ha pewfect fwight ! Besides, my woice is twagic bass. Vy, siw, hl'd scvveech to stwike ha cleaw sophwano note. Besides— vy, siw — [Lacld. pushes him away] Yes ; hi wemembew now hl^ 'ave, siw, an hengagement for this houw. Most 'appy to 'ave met you 'ere to-day ; hi twust you'll pawdon my habwupt depawtuwe. Exit. LacTd. — A sudden fear my hidden strength reveal'd. 'Twere death mayhap to have my mask torn oflf ! No name — no money— friends — not e'en a tale I 21 And sucli a man in this old man's apparel ! A burglar ? robber ? murderer ? assassin ? Suspicion's howl might wake my sleeping madness! And then— rage of miseries infernal ! Then death were blest relief for mj great pain !— An Englishman ? The very name stirs up A lion in the jungle of my blood ! — To find work and my benefactress now — But where ? I know not. Heaven direct my steps. Exit: SCENE II. A hall in Dr. Squirm's house. Unter Dr. and Mrs. Squirm, Flirtina, Mickie, and Major Bopp folloiving. 3Iaj. B. — Ah, won't you hear mine case ! Flirtina. — If it's your coffin, yes. But I tell you I am engaged to Sir Henry Howard— so, go ! Dr. Squ. — Importunate {^Loohs in his hooJc] Allemanic refugee, you are as great a plague as the rinderpest ! Depart ! Mrs. jSqu.— Yon should have expended your money in some philanthropic distribution of Hebrew tracts among our poor colored brethering ! [Aside^ That rebuke for the welfare of suffering humanity must be published in the Boston Journals. [ Writes in her note-book.^ JExeimt Dr. and Mrs. Squ. and Flirtina. Maj. ^.— Ah, mine gott ! wash ish de matter mit me ! Mickie. — [^Touching Mm on the shoulder'] The tap o' the mornin' to you, Major. Maj. B.—h.\ mine faderland, wash ish de matter mit me now ! Mickie. — [Pointing to his hoots'] Don't you ricognize yer owld frinds ? Aileen, my darlint, has a head that dosn't forgit her Mickie's fut ! Maj.^ -S.— Tunner und plitzen ! de English coward mit mine Flirtina ish shtanding in mine shoes, und dis Irish vagabond ish shtanding in mine poots ! Mickie.— A\sy ! be aisy, ye divil ye ! Ye say yer owld frinds, do ye ? An' they'll be afther faylin''foor the brass buttons on yer coat-tail, if you don't mind that ! 22 Maj. B. — Oh, mine gott ! I ish bewitehed und demoral- ized ! All ! bewitched ! bewitched ! Exii. Mickie. — [Kicking after hivi] Gorray ! but I'm achin' to bate the villain ! Whoo ! — Aye ! but it's the divil's own place is Washington, it is. My masther readin' Greek ; my misthress writin' an' scatterin' bits o' paper J^ among the naygers ; an' both of thim- runnin' night an' day afther Congrishmin : Miss riirtina in histerics and opera all night and shnorin' all day. Thin there's Englishmin, an' dirty Ditch- min, an' Jews, an' Senators, an' Indians, an' Fe- nians, an' the divil knows what ither denominations, all piled togither like so many bits o' dog-meat in a Ditchman's sausage. Aye! begab! I forgot the naygers. There's some naygers in Washington. — There's a shprinklin of the black Fenians in Washing- ton, begab, there is. Uxit. SCENE III. Seidelhenj 8 ijaflor. Hon. and Mrs. H., Lenore, and Howard discovered. Son. H. — Ah, Sarah Jane, I'm work'd like a hired inule in harvest ! 3Irs. H. — Las a me ! Gotly ! don't work so hard ! don't worry yourself so much ! You're getting to be as cross and surly as a bear ! Why don't ycu put your hands in your pockets, and talk about nothing but the poor negro ! That's what it is to be a Member of Congress ! Enter Aileen. Aileen. — Faith, yer honor, there's a polite owld gintfe- man wantin' woork at the door, there is. Son. a. — A polite old gentleman wanting work. Tell him to come in, Aileen. 31rs. iZ".— The idea I Gotly, of bringing a beggar work- man into the parlor ! Howd. — Pwepostewous ! pewfectly pwepostewous ! Hon. H.—l^o more ! Mr. Howard, or I'll veto your gab rather roughly. — Aileen, show the gentleman in. Aileen.— \ will, yer honor. Exit. 23 MrS' ^.-^-Aileen, drive him away ! — Las a me ! Ootlyl — And oh, I trust your lordship [to Iloivd.'] will par- don my husband's rudeness, jou know he was only a country 'squire before he came here. And think of it ! he's never had his visiting cards engraved yet ! Enter George Lackland. LacTd. — Pardon my intrusion. Hon. 11. — ^^Come in ! come in, sir, and sit doAvn. Ilotvd. — Hegad ! 'e is a feawful despewado ! 'E is a wewy dwradful chawactew ! 'E came within the most delicate point of thwottling me to-day. Hon. H. — Zounds ! I wish he had ! Mrs. H — Las a me ! Gotly ! are you crazy ? It's an English lord! Howd. — hi beg leave to withdwaw. Hon. H. — Clear out ! you conceited fop ! Exit Howard. Mrs. H. — Las a me, Gotly ! you are mad ! You're insulting an English lord ! The idea ! — Come, Le- nore, come out of the room ! Exit. Lenore. — \_To Lacld.'] Do take this chair, and sit up by the fire. The wind is high to night, and you look cold. \_G-ives lihn lier chair. ~\ LacM. — I thank you. [Exit Lenore ; hut as she passes out, LacJcL recognizes in her the lady tvho had saved him'] It is — it is my savior ! God bless thee ! God bless thee ! Hon. H. — You are indeed a pious man to say ' God bless thee ' to that English coxcomb who would have wronged you. You seem agitated at the commotion your presence has produced. Be seated, sir, it amounts to nothing. But I must tell you I am much and favorably impressed by the feeling your counte- nance and actions betray. Pray sit down. Lackl. — Ah, thank you, sir. [Sits doivn.~\ Hon. H. — It seems you are seeking work ? Lackl. — Yes, sir. 24 Hon. H. — And I am mucli in need of a man to help me. I am a Member of Congress, and I am worked like a dog by my constituents, mailing documents and seeds, Avriring letters, running to Departments, and receiving delegaiions of bores on all subjects find at all times, till I feel myself a dog. Can you do that kind of work? Lackl. — I believe I can, and have the courage to try. Hon. H. — And when could you begin ? Laclcl. — At once — I am even now pressed by hunger. Hon. H. — Indeed, sir, you look hungry. But stay a moment here, and I vail have some food prepared for you. Exit. LacM. — kind Heaven ! it is my gentle savior ! My s )ul seems bursting with its gratitude ! happiness supreme, my weaken'd frame Is tottering beneath thee as a burden ! My ecstacy of bliss is agony ! — Hold ! h'lppy man ! one backward step may cast You down again, and in an instant span The awful gulf that yawns 'tween heaven and hell ! And this my savior's father ? kind as she ? And he will give me work ? a Member's work ? •Before high Heaven, I swear, my rebel name I'll blot in my devotion to the Union! Now, born again, I'll live but for my country ! Be-enter Hon. Heidelberg. Hon. i/".— Come, sir, into the next room, where Aileen will give you your supper. LacM. — Thank you, kind sir. Hon. H. — May I ask you, what is your name ? Lachl. — George Lackland. "Hon. H. — A broad, honest name. I like its sound. But come, Mr. Lackland, and if you do your work well, I can give you steady employment for some time to come. LacM. — I thank you. I will labor hard to please you. Exeunt. 25 ■SCENE rV. A hall in Heidelberg's house. Enter HoN. and Mrs. Heibelberg and Howard. Eoyi. II. — Now, sir, got out of this house as soon as possible, if not, I'll insult you again, but with thia ■cane across your broadcloth. Clear out ! Mrs. Jl.—litis a me ! Gotly ! you're crazy ! Jlon. if.— Clear out ! 3frs. 11. — No, stay ! I beg of you !— Gotly, you are mad ! Sowd. — Hif I should stwike my 'ead hagainst 'is cane,, hid muss my 'air ; hi'd look just like a fwight. hi'd hagitate myself and flush my face Vic'a makes me look just like a wulgah Gewnian. Most 'appy to stay longew — but wemembew hi 'ave, siv/, an hengagement fow this houw. Hexcuse me, siw, hengagements must be kept. Exit. Mrs. H. — Goodness-gracious ! Gotly .! Oh, you old fo- gy ! Las a me. I the English lord will resent this insult ! JIo7i. H. — No, my diO^v^ the coward is afraid to resent an insult, and the knave cannot afford to make a man his enemy, and ho is both. Mrs. IT. — Well, just wait, you old fo^y — you country 'squire, till I get you up stairs ! I'll teach you to in- sult ??iy company at any rate! Exit. Hon. II. — The fop ! The insolent fop ! As the saying is, he gives the old cow a nubbin to kiss the calf. But I'll put a scop to that. It's bad enough to be the dog of your constituents; but to be badgered by this impudent English coxcomb — well, -that's putting a tin-kettle to my tail. Exit. SCENE V. Heidelberg's document-room. Lackland discovet'ed. Eacld. —So I can dream now of the go,od Lenore. How pure, how gentle, and how innocent! Ah, I could love her with a lover's rapture, 4 26 But oh, I love her with a sacred love. Oh, could I tell her she had sav'd my life, And throw me at her feet in gratefulness ! AIhs 1 I cannot I for that instant I am No longer the old pious man I seem. But a curs'd rebel, outcast, crazy man. Miter Lenore.^ Lenore. — I hope I'm not intruding. Uncle George ? Lackl. — Ah, no, Lenore : my daily work is done. But, gentle girl, why call me Uncle George ? Lenore. — I have no reason than — 1 felt it, Uncle ! You know I'm young and inexperienced ; I can confide— advise with nobody ; And yau're so good and kind to me always ; Then let me call you Uncle, and befriend me ! LaeM. — Kind lady, I would do all things for you. I would lay down my life for you. which you- [u4s/t7c?] My very soul is leaping on my tongue. How hard it's then to keep my mouth seal'd up I—. No ! death, mayhap, is in discovery ! Lenore. — You seem so agitated. Are you sick ? Good Uncle, cannot I relieve your paia ? LaeM. — 'Twas but a momentary dizziness. No, no, sit down, Lenore, and talk to me. Lenore. — Good uncle, the confinement weakens you. Come walk with me about the park ? I'd like To meet again a crazy man I met Out on the pavement once. He looked so sad. Poor man, he was so haggard and dishearten'd. I hope he has quit drinking and recover'd. Lackl. — What I do you mean the crazy cove wat spouts? Lenore. — The same my father call'd him. I have learn'd He has not been about for many days ; And all suppose him dead. Poor crazy man. LacU.—^o ! no ! God bless you, gentle lady ! No ! The crazy man is [JLs2'c?c] She remembers me I She pities from her heart the maniac ! Oh, could I tell her this old man is he ! Oh, could my gratitude find utterance ! 27 luenore. — I hope he has not died a crazy man, Abhorr'd, an outcast from society. Lachl. — No, no I he is not dead. Lenore. — You know him then ? Lackl. — Know liim ! \_Asido'] Aye ; there's the word I I do, Lenore. I alsQ know what you have done for him And let me thank you for him for his life, At least his reason, health, and happiness, For you, Lenore, have given all to him. Grod bless you, lady, for your Christian kindness ! Lenort. — Uncle George, you overpower me ! Why, I did naught but what my nature prompted, What anybody else had done, good sir. Lachl.— vVhat nobody, Lenore, else did for him. Lenore. — Where is he now, if I have saved his life ? Lacld. — He is — he is — gentle lady — he — He's not been seen about his old haunts since The morning you redeem' d him from his madness. No one knows where he is except himself. He sought you, kind Lenore, for many days, To throw him at your feet in gratitude. His cruel madness had obliterated Your name, and all the circumstances, save A lady pitied him, and gave him money. And bade him, go, buy bread and drink no more- God bless you, good Lenore, that sav'd his life. A lady pity him a crazy rebel ? It woke his sleeping mind, and gave him strength To struggle with and overcome his madness. Lenore. — I am so happy I have done him good. I wish I may eee him again. Poor man ! I ever shall remember his sad look. — But come, good uncle, let us walk awhile. Then tell me more about this crazy man, I feel the greatest interest in him. Enter Mrs. Heidelberg. Mrs. H. — Ah, here you are ! Las a me ! Lenore I what talking to your father's old clerk, on whose ac- 28 count the English lord was insulted, and driven from the house ! The dear soul ! I havn't seen him for a- week ! and there's nobody now to take us to the op- era ! — The idea ! Lenore I Come out of this room immediately. JExit. Lenore. — Excuse me, Uncle George. We'll walk again. I^xit LacM. — Aye ; what a life I've led from infancy, iiow many real persons have I been In all my masks and characters thro' life : A proud and haughty scholar in my youth ; An actor in disguise ; a rebel soldier ; A cra2ry outcast bawling on the streets ; An aged clerk — good Uncle George, till now I can but talk about myself as one Whom I but knew — a friend, and nothing more. Aye, many lives a man may lead in one. — And she feel heartfelt interest in me ? Lenore, who sav'd my life, and whom I love ? — Another charaeter I now assume.. I]xit. A.C T I II. SCENE I. A Bridge across the Canal. MoonligJit. Enter Micsie and Aileen. MieMe. — Only a wee dthrop to make me cooragious at the wake, to-night. Aileen.—Kje, Mickie, yer a man afther my own heart. Michie. — So I am, marvoureen ; an' I'd be afther over- takin' it soon, too. Aileen. — Aye, Mickie, my darlint, — but this is a most shtinkin' place. ■-#v 29 llicJcie. — Yer right, Aileen, it is. It's the ragin' ca- nawl — the perfumery of Washington — the shwate issince exthracted from all trie deatl cats and little naygers in the city, tempered with Congressional de- bates. Come, come, my darlint, or we'll shmell to- morrow like our bathers. JExewnt. Enter Major Bopp. Maj. B. — Ha ! I ish a prave soltyer ! I shallenge der Henglishman, but he ish ein cowart, und nicht fights. Mine gott ! ven he pashes dis vay, I vill drown him in der mud. Den I vill tell der doctor, I ish a prave soltyer, und prove it, by dam ! Und den — Oh, mine pelly ish ravisht mit bliss ! 'den I shall vin mine frau- line, Miss Flirtina ! [Conceals himself.'] Enter Howard. Hoivd. — Hegad ! hit stwikes me as a last wesowt, hi must the hold 'oss flatteh fow 'is daughtew. My hempty puwse Maj. Bopp rushes upon him. Maj. B. — Cowart ! you ish a deat man ! Ah, mine gott, you ish drount in der mud ! Tanner ! I ish as prave ash powder ! Howd. — Police ! police ! \_They tussle — hath crying out.'] Re-enter Mickie and Aileen. IlicMe. — Whoo ! it's the Ditchman batin' the English- man ! Aileen. — Gorrah ! this is better fun than a wake ! Mickie. — Hurroo ! foor owld Ireland ! Maj. B, — Ha ! mine gott ! I drowns you in der mud ! [Mickie and Aileen engage in the jight^ and throio Maj. B. into the canal. Howd. runs away.] Mickie. — He's in his ilimint, darlint, now. Aileen. — 'An 'he's got the dint of my shwate fist in his lift eye, he has. Mickie. — Come, Aileen, or the police will bo afther put- tin' us in the inside of the shtone jug. Aileen.— ShvLYG I an' I wish thin, we wouldn't find it impty. Exeunt. Enter Dr. Squirm, tvith a net attached to a j^ole, and a bottle to the net. I)r. Squ. — As I have remarked in the last chapter of my Epistle on Epidemics, the infatuation of science discloses all seeming diihculties to be unsubstantial nonen- \reads hj the moonlight^ nonentities. I am able at midnight to seine this mephicic atmosphere in my zeal to secure [reaches his net over the bridge] specimens of cholera animalcuhie, which I have de- term ■ " Why ! something ponderous is pulling at my newly devised instrument ! Maj. j5.-*Help! I ish drowndet in de mud ! Oh ! Dr. Squ. — Attach yourself permanently, I will exert all my physical energy. [Pulls.] Enter Mrs. Squirm. Mrs. Squ. — Goodness ! iEsculapius ! what are you do- ing here at this time ot night ? Dr. Squ. — Rescuing a human being from a total sus- pension of his vital force by accidental drowning. But whither, Amelia, dear, have you been perambu- ' lating ? Mrs. Squ. — Why, ^sculapius ! do you not know I've been lecturing to-night on Woman's Rights and Uni- versal Suffrage ? Maj. ^.— Help ! bull ! bull ! Dr. Squ. — Assist me, Amelia. [Dr. and Mrs. Squ. pull Maj. B. out.~\ Maj. B. — [Who appears covered with mud, old clothes, tin cans, oyster shells, ond a horse-collar around his neck] Ah, mine gott, wash ish de matter mit me now 1 Mrs. Squ.— Why I ^sculapius ! it's Major Bopp ! — My note-book I 31 Maj. ^.—Doctor Squirm und Mrs. Squirm ! Ah ! vere ish mine Fiirtina now ! Ah, mine gott ! I ish bewitched ! J^xit. Dr. aS'^w.— Amelia ! this is unmistakably miraculous ! Certainly I must incorporate it into the next edition of my Epistle ! 3frs. Sqii. — Let us hurry home. I must write an article about it immediately for the periodicals. Exeunt. SCENE II. A hall in Seidelbergs house. Enter Lenore, ivith a flower in her hand. Lenore. — The good old man, how feelingly he talks About his friend the crazy cove wat spouts. He held this tiny flower in his hand, And as he told me of the loves of plants. How, though they're separated by wide fields, Yet when the busy bee would come to sip The nectar hid within their cells t' allure, They— poor dumb flowers as I thought them once Would hang their pollen love-vows on his thighs And make him the unconscious bearer of Their mutual secret loves for one another ; Thus as he told me of the loves of flowers, He interwove so beautiful a tale Of the poor crazy rebel for a lady, I could have wish'd within my heart t' 'ave been The one belov'd myself. He was so good, So noble and so kind ; and she so pure And innocent, but ignorant of his love, Which he for her and his sakes must conceal. Oh, how I love to hear the old man talk About his friend, who was so heart-broken. Oh, can I ever meet a man like him. Whose likeness is imprinted in my mind. Of whom I think by day and dream by night. Good Uncle George, how kind he is to me. Enter Hon. Heidelberg. Mon. H. — Ha ! ha ! — Whew ! I havn't laughed before for a coon's agej 32 ijtnoTe. — I am so liappy, father, to see you in a good humor again. Hon. H. — Ha ! ha ! thank you. You see, Lenore, my good clerk has relieved me of my work, so I can talk to my friends now. Ha I ha ! and my clever con- stituents too have been urging me to make them a Buncombe speech ! So, what says my daughter to my making a speech? Lenore. — If you think you eould do any good for your country, you ought to try. Mon. H. — Ha ! well, what subject seems to you of the greatest importance ? Xienore. —The restoration of the good old Union, father? Hon. H. — Well said, Lenore ; — and here comes my wife. Enter Mrs. Heidelberg. Sarah Jane, I am about to make a speech, what do say to that ? Mrs. H. — Las a me! Gotlyl make 'em a tig one! That's what it is to be a Member of Congress ! Give it to everybody who dosn't want to make peace, and restore our glorious Union !— But, my dearest, you won't be angry now, when I tell you I have invited the English lord to come up to-night? He is so nice ! Las a me ! and, think of it ! an English lord ! Hen. H. — ' He is so nice !' Why, I heard him swear a profane oath, the last time he was here, in the hear- ing of Lenore ! Mrs. H. — In French ! — In French, dearest ; and, in polite circles, to swear in French is no profanity. No. — But, las a me ! Gotly ! make 'em a great big speech ! Let 'em know that one and one make two ; that the South and the North together make a bigger country than when separate, and more secure and happy! Las a me ! Gotly! let 'em get married, the North and the South, and you be the minister to tie the knot. Goodness ! yes ; let 'em get married and be as happy as we are, Gotly I— But, my dear, las a me ! you won't put the English lord out again — will you? when he comes? now, you won't, dear? Hon. H. — Why, Sarah Jane ! 3Irs. IT. — Yes; Gotly ; make 'em a tremendous speech! — NoAV, you won't, dear, Avill you? Hon. H. — Oh, Sarah Jane, you would make me do any- thing. 3Irs. II. — That's ri^ht, my dear. You're so good. Las a me ! Yes, Gotly, make 'em a most tremendous speech ! Hon. H. — But, Sarah Jane, if I permit Mr. Howard to come up here again, you must forgive and he kind to my ^clerk, on whose account I druve him awaj. , Mrs. H. — Oh, yes. The old man is so good ; and you're so good, my dear. Yes, las a me ! we'll compromise. Y"es, sir, Gotly, make 'em a most tremendous speech! Lenore. — Ah, mother, I am so glad to hear you say you will forgive my Uncle George. He is so good and kind. If you but knew him, I know you would like him so much. Mrs. H. — Oh, yes, daughter.-^ Las, yes, Gotly, give it to the Secessionists from the Constitution and the Laws whoever and wherever they may be ! Yes, las a me ! you're so kind ! — But come, my dears, Aileen is waiting tea for us. Yes ; — why, here she's coming for us. Enter Aileen. Aileeti. — So I towld thim, and I ax'd thim Jlon. H. — Well, -never mind that, Aileeia, but tell us who they are ? Aileen. — Faith, yer honor, an' who wud be foor shtick- in' to yes like a tick but the Yankees ? Eon. II. — Dr. Squirm with his treatise on trichiniasisi and Mrs. Squirm with her appropriation for her phi- lanthropic charity ! heavens ! — Aileen, show them into Mr. Lackland's room ; he'll attend to them. Aileen. — Yis, yer honor ; an' it were not foor my dar- lint Mickie, that's in their imploymint, I'd be afther attindin' to thim mysilf, I would. Exit Aileen. 3Irs. H.—Gome, come, my dears. \_Exit Hon. H.'\ Yes, Gotly, make 'em a most tremendous speech ! — u iGome, Lenore. think of marrying an English lord, and being an English lady ! JUxit^ f,en.ore. — Alas ! alas ! and does my mother wish That I should ever wed this English lord ? — My mother make my lite a load of misery ? My mQther? No, — she loves her poor Lenore. JExit. ;SiCENE JII. Hqivard's room. Hoivard discovered at hi^ toilet with Ms coat off. Writing material on table, J-c., c^'c. Hoivd. — Clevew chap ! )Vat hingenuity hi am gift,e4 with ! — No; this hexquisite lilac necktie is a shade too delicate fow my vvobust fwame — Wemawked hi, Ma- jow Bopp, you labow hundew a feawful misapwe'en- 'sion, hi am youw best fwiend. Clevew chap ! Sayg hi, Majow, you love Miss Fliwtina, hand I can't ha- bide 'er ! Says 'e, Wat ! — waitew, lagew-biew fow two ! Says hi, julep hof peppewmint fow me, hi pewfectly hab'ow blew. Says 'e. Good. — Waitew, so ! — Wat a most hexquisite mustache 'ave I ! — says hi, hi gives up to you hall my claims hon Mis§ Fliwtina. Says 'e, llah ! my habdoman his wavish- ed with bliss ! 'Is Avulgawity was pewfectly shocking tome! But — clevew chap! — says hi, hi am hen- waptuw.ed hof 'Eidelbewg's daughtew. Says 'e, Wat ! — Waitew, julep hand lagew-bie^v fow two! — Phew ! this night-blooming-ce"ifeus his pewfectly hintoxicating ! — Then wemawked hi. But Lenowe pwefews to convewse wi,th 'Eidelbewg's hold clewk 'om hi can't habide ? Says 'e, with a wulgah hoath, hi is a bwave soldiew ! You give me Miss Fliwtina — hi kills 'im dead ! Says hi, pewfectly cool hand com- posed. No ; you would cewtainly be 'ung fow buw- glawy. My legal knowledge pewfectly h astonished 'im ! Says 'e. So! but hi will scawe 'im bad ! —Wait- ew, hanctlief j^lep hand lagew-biew ! — Ha ! clever chap ham I ! 'E pays fow my thwee ju.eps ; hi wid me of Fliwtina ; 'e'll scawe the hold clewk hinto a fit ; hand I vill vin Lenowe suwe pop ! Clevew — plevew chap! — Now, hi must pwactiee hon my hode tQ Lenowe. — Wat tvvoubles clevew hauthowg 'ave I — lil Could not call Lenowe a "wose— ' hegad ! she might think hi am a wulgaw gawdenew ! now could hi com- j)awe 'er to a buttewfly — hegad ! the name is so feaw- fully gweasy ! Hin fact hi could find nothing to suit 'er pewfectly but to style 'er, the gwace note hin the hopewa hof life', the hexquisite note that wavishes my soul. \_Ileads before the loolcing -glass] hEffu'lgent Cweatuwe, lo ! thou hart the- gwace -\_luioeking without^ 'Ow pewfectly d'weadful hit would be to meet a wobbew hin dishabille ! [^Lays down ixi-per^ jiuts on coaty and gets out pistol] hi could shoot the wobbew thwough the doow— but the fwagwance of powdew makes me see blood, hand I nevew could ha- bide the colow wed but in 'Errnann's' dwess has Me- phistophi'les. \^Knoching] hi am so riewvous haftew dwinking tea fow suppevv ! 31icJcie. — IWitJiout^ It's Mickie O'Grady with a lether foor your worship. Eotvd — Sfcwange 'ow the' happwoach hof wobbews makes' me bwave ! [Holds tlie pistol now with a firiii hand.] Wewy stwange !■ \_Lays doivn pistol and open^ door.] Enter Miceie.' Hegad ! Mickie, hi came within the fhost delicate' point of shooting you thwough the doow fow a wob- bew ! 3Iickie. — With that imptj divil on the table, wud you ? Eowd. — Hegad ! hit's loaded with six wounds ! Mickie. — It is ! — But here's a lether from Miss Flirtina. [Crives Hotvd. the note, and takes up the pistol.] Bloivd. — [Redds] My deawest 'Enwy. — PwepOstewous fool ! Mickie. — Could yer honor be afther payin' nio now the fufty cints yer honor promised me and Aileen foor reshcuin' yes, and toomblin' the Major into the canaly could yes ? Hoivd, — You himpudent hirishman, wat hinsult me !■ 36 Miclcie. — Aisy now, yer honor. Do you see this divil at yer bead I [Pointing tlic ijistol.'] Pay me now the fufty cints 1 Hoivd. — Ha ! the wewolvew his unloaded ! Michie. — The d.'vil ye say E But it'll foornish me with good shillelah to belt yes over the gab, it will ! Pay me the fufty cints ! Hotvd. — Ah, Mr. O'Grwa^y, hi am most 'appy to we- wawd you. 'Ewe's a do-llaw. [Q-ives money.~\ Michie. — Aye; thank yes. I'd toomble the Ditchman again for the likes o' this. Good morning to ye, the night. Hoiod. — Most 'appy to 'ave you call hagain, siw. — But Mr. O'Gwady, 'ave the hextweme kindness to we- place the pistol hon the table. MicMe. — Ah, yis, yer honor. Ha ! ha ! It's loaded now, is it, the dirty divil ! Sowd. — Ha ! yes ; hit's fweighted with six wounds. Michie. — Thank you, yer honor, thin I'll be foor kay- pin' the divil till I'm beyant the door. Exit. Howd. — Hegad ! 'e might 'ave shot me dead ! Hit was a most delicate hescape ! — Hand, zounds! hi am hout of puwse a dollaw ! hand my wewolvew gone ! Hegad ! hit's a cleaw case of fowgewy ! — No ! — clev- ew chap ! — hi 'ave it I hi'll wouse the 'ouse ! Hat- tempted hassassination I 'E thought I was ha Sena- tow ! Hassassination I Hegad ! hi'll be a mawtyw, and make some capital 1 Clevew chap ! ha second Wade I Exit. SCENE IV. A hall in Heidelberg's Jioiise: Enter Hon. Heidelberg and Mrs. HL Jlon. H. — But hear me, Sarah Jane. I cannot make a Radical speech conscientiously : nor can I make a Conservative speech without being eternally damned by my constituents. Mrs. H. — The idea, Gotly ! Let 'em know you've got another damnation beside their's to be afraid of! 37 Let 'em know tliat you dare speak right out what you feel to be right and for the welfare of your country ! Las a me ! let me make it if jou are afraid. Hon. H. — Why, Sarah Jane, I 3l7's. H. — Let 'em know who you are I and that you' are not afraid to say what you conscientiously be- lieve ! That's what it is to be a Member of Congress I Hon. H. — Sarah Jane, — over the left ! — Our soldiers now have restored the authority and laws ot the Uni- ted States ichroughout the South ; but iu the North we are engaged in a revolution. Fanatics are under- mining the fundamental principles of the Constitution by which only we exist as the United States. So if I were to make a speech I could but say Mrs. H. — Down with all madmen who would meddle with the Constitution at this critical time ! "When the South hates the North, and the North hates the South, does anybody in his sane mind suppose that the agreement by which they are hereafter to live in peace, can be altered by one or the other party with impunity I Las a me ! Gotly! that's the Way to talk, right out as if you meant it ! — But, my dear, when I think of it, I wish you would give me fifty doilars or so ? won't you? Ho7i. H. — Why, my dear, but yesterday, I gave you seventy-five ! Mrs. H. — Well, my dear, you must know this is Wash- ington. — Yes, Gotly, let 'em know what it is to be a Member of Congress ! not to be afraid ! — Now, won't you dear ! just fifty ? Enter George Lackland. Lachl. — I hope I am not interrupting. Hon. H. — Oh, no ! — no interruption, Mr. Lackland. Mrs. H. — \_Aside\ I suppose I can. now consider my money-cake dough ! Lachl. — Sir, knowing that you were about to make a speech, and knowing also from our conversations that our views coincide about the principal topics of the 38 day, to save you the labor, I have written a speech,- which I beg leave to submit to you, and if it pleases' you, — it is your own. ^Ilands Jiini a roll of jxx^yer.J Bon. IT. — Ah, thank yau, Mr. Lackland — a thousand thanks. You anticipate me in all my wants. Mrs. If. — Yes, las a me ! You are so kind ! No won- der daughter loves her Uncle George, you are so good and kind. LacJcl. — You say, your daughter loves me ? Mrs. II. — Why yes, las a me! so she says. You're sa good to her ; so happy when you see her ; and al- ways teaching her something. Yes, las a me ! she thinks all the world of her Untjle George. LacM. — It makes me Very happy to hear 3'ou say so. [^.s/c?e] Kind heaven can it be I Mrs', it. — Yes, so she says, she loves her Uncle Geoi-ge. —But, my dear, what is in the speech ? IIo7i. II. — Sarah Jane, though I have read but a few sentences, I can say it is a wonderful production. — Mr. Lackland, your bold appealing devotion to the Union, has given me courage for one, and, I warrant, it will be applauded by t'he country. LacM. — Thanks, kind sir. But in your applause, I will take my only reward. I hope you will excuse me..- Exit. Eon. II. — M.J dear, this old clerk is a very remarkable man. But hear me read you the beads of his chap- ters Mrs. H. — Yes, las a me ! he is a Wonderful man.-^But, my dear, I hope you hav'nt forgot the fifty dollars ? ilon. II. — l6ut hear how he begins Mrs. -S".— Wonderful!— But, my dear, just fifty? Hon. II. — And thus he concludes Mrs. Z/:— Wonderful ! truly prodigious !--But, my deaf, the fifty ? Hen. iT.— Oh, Sarah Jane, you'd worry out the nine lives of a cat in as muuy minutes. Here, take the money. 39 3Irs. II. — \_Talcing the moneij] Ah, thank you, — you're so kind. — Yes, Gotly! he is a most prodigious man ! [-^.si'cZe] What's the use of having patriotism and praise if you can't make it pay ? Exit. Hon. 11. — He has given me a very "wonderful speech I What a noble old clerk I have ! Exit. SCENE V. Tlie Terrace on the We^t front of the Capitol. After sunset. Music in the distance. Enter Howard and Major Bopp. 3Iaj. B. -0 mine gott, I ish a prave man ! I vill fhrow 'im ober dis railing into der yart pelow, und smash 'im all into little pits ! Tunner ! I ish prave ! Hoivd. — Hegad ! no! Majow ! You must not commit buwglawy ; you will be 'ung suwe pop. 31aj. B. — Den I vill shcare 'im pad ! I vill say, hoU! 1 ish (!er Secretary of Var ! Tunner! put dat vill shcare 'im ! Howd. — Yes ; but wemembew, you must not commit :buwo'lawj. [They conceal themselves.'] Enter Lackland aiid Lenore. Zenore. — Oh, tell me more. I drink in every word ; But still my soul is thirsting. Pray, go on. Lachl— 'Twas here the one-time rebel crazy cove. Brought this kind lady whom he so ador'd. The sun had set ; and yonder murky stream,— As we now see down through this aisle of trees, — Reflecting back the colors of the sky, Seem'd all of gold — a stream of liquid gold. And e'en as now, it was the dusky' gloaming. •The air was fragrant with the breath of _ flowers. Sweet ipusic too was gliding thro' the air, And ever and anon they seem'd to jar — The fragrance and the music in mid air — As struggling for the belt of greater sweetness. Oh, coutd he tell her how he lov'd her, now ! Oh, could he tell her how her innocence, 40 Her loving gentleness, and purity, Had stol'n within the recess of his bosom, And of his gratitude to her hid there, Carv'd out a r.tatue of the truest love. Oh, could he now disclose his love to her ! lS!o, no ; he rie'er would see her face again ; And, driven from her, die, alone, unknown. And she — good lady — stands in silence by, And turns a greedy ear to his discourse. How little does she dream that he loves her. Jjenore. — But, Unele George, what did he say to her ? LacJd.— 'No more could he, than I now say to you. Lenore^ — Oh, Uncle George, had I but been that lady, And e'en as gentle, good, and pure, as she, I had risk'd all — my life and fortune — to Have had the love of such a noble man. Such honest, heartfelt love must prosper well. Oh, Uncle dear, had I but been the lady Lacld. — God bless you, gentle lady ! you are she ; And I, whom you have lov'd as Uncle George, Your father's clerk, — I am the crazy cove, Whom you have sav'd and whom you've learn'd to love. And to confess it now to him, himself. \_KneeIs.^ Lenore. — Qod save me ! — can it be ! — my Uncle George The crazy cove disguis'd ! — and I deceiv'd I — XacH.^-No ; God condemn me if I have deceiv'd You — I who owe my life to you, Lenore, Oh, could I ever wrong — deceive jou? Never ! Lenore. — Yes, I have said it, and I felt it, too ; I lov'd you as my father's good old clerk ; I lov'd you as the crazy cove I sav'd ; I'll doubly love you now since you are both. O noble George ! Howd. and Maj. B. nish upon Lackland. Uowd. — Villain ! madman ! Maj, ^.— Holt ! you crazy man ! you ish dead ash nits! Lenore. — \_Shrieklng~\ May God preserve you ! [Faints.'] 41 Lachl.— A^yay ! you spawn of hell ! away ! \_Tlieii rush together andfiglit'] Maj. B.—Oher de railing ! kill 'im deat ! the crazy villain ! Smash 'im deat !— Oh, oh, mine gott ! mine jzhaw ish proke ! IGfets out of the scuffle^ Mine gott, wash ish de matter mit me now ! Ah, mine jzhaw ish proke ! Oh, I ish bewitched ! Gott in himmel ! bewitched ! und oh, mine jzhaw ! Uxit. [LacU. and Howd. ivrestle and tussle for a mo7nenf, Laekl then hurls Hoivd. over the railing. Deep groans succeed his fall. LacU.—K groan !— God, and have I killed the man ! \Comes forward^ kneels, and raises Lenore upon his ]cnee.~\ my beloved, fare you well ! farewell ! A murderer's deep brand now scars my brow ! Farewell, gentle savior of my life ! Oh, could she speak, before I leave her here, One word!— her voice I ne'er may hear again ! Farewell ! my belov'd Lenore, farewell ! [Kisses her., as the curtain sIowIt/ falls.'] A-OT I V . SCENE I. A parlor in Heidelberg s house. Hon. and Mrs. Heidelberg and Aileen discovered. Aileen. — Ah, who would have thought that the poor dear crayther had a heart so overflowin' with love, at all, at all ! Poor darlint ! she fioong her arms around my neck, and sobbin' as her heart would shplit,— Where is my noble George ? Oh, is he safe ? she cried. He is, shwate soul, said I— I could not shpake at all, at all, foor waypin'. And when, poor G 42 :tinder 'darlint, sh3 got withia tlie Gonvint walls, s%e ishtaggered, and groped about, as if her very silf was lost, and she was faylin for it. Ah, poor, dear, Le^ nore, — my shwellin', heavin heart is squaysin' out my tears for her. Mrs. H. — Ah, Gotly dear, choer up ! |The crazy man has gone, lie dare not face the warrant for his arrest. 'The villain in disguise ! he might have mur- dered us all asleep ! — Ah, Aileen, go and see the Doctor, and learn how is the English lord's bro k«a arm ? Dear soul, to risk his life to rescue my daugh - ter from the clutches of a crazy man ! _Aileen. — Aye ; he got the divil's owu fall.— Gorrah j but the owld man was a laddybuck ! He gave the Ditchman a daycent welt across the gob, he did. 3Its. TI. — The noble German ! to save my daughter's honor ! — Go, Aileen, go ! \_Exit Aileen.^ Why, Got- ly dear, cheer up ! The crazy rebel's gone^ Le- nore wdl soon forget him. ^Jlon. H. — [ Wlto has been jMcing to and fro.'] Never ! iSarah Jane, nor 1 ! Mrs. H. —Nonsense ! not forget a raving rebel ! The idea ! Hon. H. — He may have been a rebel once, but since he's been my clerk, a bolder, truer patriot never breathed than he. Mrs. H. — Yes ; las a me ! he would have carried off our daughter ! and what more he would have done, he and the devil know. Hon. H.— Ah, dear Lenore, that she should ever be deceitful to her old father who loves her as his life, Mrs. ^.— The idea ! Gotly ! Do you suppose she knew that her Uncle George was the crazy rebel ? Never ! Hon. H. — I hope she did not. Mrs. H. — Never !^ Las a me ! never ! The rebel villian is the only one that has deceived me ! Hon. H.' — He may have been a villain. So much the worse for me. Ah, Sarah Jane, do you see that large 43 pile of letters ? They are the heartfelt thiinks of my eountrymen to me, for his speech. 3Xrs. H.-~ The idea ! What need you care about that ! Las a me ! Gotly ! That's what it is to be a Member of Congress, to buy great speeches ready made, and' get all the credit for them yourself. M&n. H. — Ko, Sarah Jane ! I have some honor left How then can I receive the thanks and praises which belong to another ? Oh, every man that takes me fey the hand to thank me, seems to clutch my' very heart. A villian, say you? God, that i should rob a poor d-amned villian of the honors which might have made himan honest man ! — No ! by heav- en ! he was not a villain ! No ! Barah Jane, he was a wise and noble patriot, a man of goodness and feel- ing. Mrs.H.-^Yes ! a good man ! he was taken in the act of violating your daughter ! lion. 11.-^ Who say go ? Mrs. H. — Why, both the English lord and the German, count who rescued her. Hon. H. — They lie I Damme! they lie ! Mrs. H. — They say they'll swear to it on oath. Mon. H. — And perjure themselves before both man and' God ! No ! Sarah Jane ; read you that speech, and' ask yourself then, — Could he, who made it for me,, and thereby heralded my humble name throughout the country, till I am almost smothered with the con- gratulations and blessings of thousands, showered upon me, — -could he, who has done this good for me,. - then wrong me basely as if he were a fl^nd? No ! no ! they lie ! Mrs. H. —Las a me ! Gotly ! you're mad ! — You did- not say so when we found our daughter swooning in the arms of the German count, — her pale, white cheek bedaubed with blood which trickled from his mangled face ! You did not say he lied, when by the candle light flickering wildly, you saw the bloody, grizzly, mangled face of the brave rescuer, as he gave to you' your daughter — safe ! untouched ! unstained ! You; 44 did not say he lied, when — Hark ! a groan ! a dying groan ! when down below stretched on some ragged rocks we found the bleeding body of the English lord, and as we carried him away, his broken arm hung loosely down, dragging along the ground, marking our track with his warm blood, shed freely to pre- serve our daughter from the brutal designs of a crazy wretch ! Aye ! you said not then they lied ! No ! no ! but when thei^ ghastly wounds were dressed, you cried to one, God bless you, sir, you are a noble man! and to the other, God be praised; preserver of my daughter's honor ! if worthy of you, take her — she is yours ! Aye ; you said not then they lied ! Mon. H. — They lie! Damme! they lie, — else my daughter lies in every word and act ! And oil, when I believe Lenoreis false, my soul be damned in deep- est hell. She loves my good old clerk — he cannot be a villain ! She pleads for him — he never could have wronged her ! Mrs. H. — Infatuation ! Gotly ! Las a me ! she's young — knows nothing of the world— is innocent— and now deceived. Infatuation, Gotly, nothing more ! — Ah, here's Aileen. Re-Enter Aileen. How is the noble rescuer of my daughter ? Hon. H. — Ah, dear Lenore !— Heavens ! — was it revenge in him ! I stole my old clerk's honors ! Would he avenge him them upon my only daughter ! My brain's on fire ! My heart is wrung ! God, am I the guilty one ! Exit. Mrs. H. — Las a me ! the old fool !— But, Aileen, how is the English lord feeling to-day ? Aileen.~Beih.eY, yer ladyship, bother. He has his arm shplintered and about his neck in a shling. And Dr. Squirm is there, he is ; an' he said it is a clear case of cholera. An' Mrs. Squirm is there, an' readin' a Greek paper to him. An' Miss Flirtina is there, an' bawlin' an' goin' on about the English lord as Mrs. IT.— The idea! the jealous thing! Hold! Ai- leen ; or you'll drive me mad ! The jealous thing ! Las a me ! Come ! -. Exeunt. 45 SCENE II. A hall in Heidelberg's house. filter Howard, with arm in sling, and Major Bopp,. with patch on chin. 3Iaj. B. — Ha ! ha ! it isli pully ! pully ike ! Hoivd. — Ha ! — You see my hassassination pwoject didn't succeed. They awe too common in Washing- ton. Then my hode, hundew the ciwcumstances, vas not — hof couwse could not be hexpected to be hap- pweeiated. Then fowtune favowed us 3faj. B. — Yaw ! proke your arm ! und proke mine jzhaw ! Moivd. — Hegad ! Wat ! Do you get the colonelcy fwom 'Eidelbewg few that ? Do younotvin Miss Fliw^tina new? 31aj. B. — Ho! — Yaw ! Ha ! mine pelly ish ravisht mit bliss ! Howd. — Hand if I 'ave my harm bwoke, vill hit not wecovew ? Hand do I not get Lenowe now, hand 'er 'alf a million ? eh ? — But Majow, hit stwikesme Miss Lenowe hexpects to meet the cwazy man hagain. Maj. B. — Mine gott, what foor den you not let me kill 'im? eh? Howd. — Ha! tut hi 'ave a pAVoject; we'll kill ''em now ! Maj. B. — Tunner ! ish he here ! Oh, mine gott, wash ish de matter mit me now ! Jlowd. — IIskl you do not hundewstand. 3faj. B. — G-ott in hiramel, vere ish he7 Let me at 'im ! Tunner ! I ish prave ash powder ! I kills 'im dead, py dam ! Eoivd. — Ha ! you do not compwe'end. Maj. B. — Yaw ; I nichts furstay ; aber I ish prave ash pully ! Howd. — You see, Majow, 'e his a cwazy man. 3Iaj. 5.— Yaw ! goot ! Hoiod. — Hand hundew the hexcitement, and suftewing fwom the wounds he weceived- 46 Maj. B. — Mine goti ! how I did eiit 'eni pad i Howd. — Yes ; you told 'im you vewe the Secwetawy of Vaw? 3Iaj. B. — Nay ! nay ! none of dat — no jzhoking, toy goot friend ! Howd. — Ah, pawdon me. — You see, 'e 'as gone mad hagain, hand dwown'd, 'imself. Maj. B. — In de canal ? in de mud ? — Pooh ! Tunner und blitzen, I shraells pad yet ! — Put did he kill 'im- self ? He wash afeart of me, py dam' ! ITowd. — Ha! you do not hundewstand. 'E his not dead^ but hi vill Avite hit so — eh ? 'Ere take this papew, hand give hit to the pwintew, had tell 'im to publish hit hin to-saowwow's Chwoniclc — eh? \_Gfives paper^ Hand ven she sees that 'e his dwown'd, she vill cwy no doubt haftew the most happwoved Pawis style, but haftew that 3laj. B. — You ish a prave man ! She will den be your frau ! F — Have robbed me of my honor ! Who says so ? Hon. H. — Alas ! darling ; I have heard none say to the contrary but myself. JjAUore. — Oh, could he, who was love itself to me, In ev'ry gentle word and gentler action, Who was my father's willing, slaving clerk. To thank — to love the savior of his life, Oh, could he ever wrong me basely ? Never \ Jlon. H. — Alas ! my daughter, I have fears he would, I robbed him of his honors— revenge ! — But, O Godj why not on me the guilty one ! J/rs. JJ.. — Ah, daughter, in your swoon, you did not see the frightful, bloody scene ! You could not see the madman in the brutal act j Jloivd. — 'Ere his a bwoken harm to vitness 'is bloody willainy ! Xtenore.—My hair with blood was clotted, and my cheek Bedaub'd with bloody .drops — aye, all was blood ; But that to me was confirmation of The love and courage of my Uncle George, And not the witness of his villainy. No ! no ! My Uncle George, who lov'd me so, He could not wrong the innocent Lenore. Mrs. H. — Ah, daughter, you are deceived. Infatuatioa destroys your reason. 61 Sm. H. — Your love for him, like mine, blinds you, liC nore. Mowd. — Ah, hit was a feawful hencountew ! 'Ad' the Gewman coutit hand I- not been within 'eawing, the' cwazy wetch 'ad wiolated youw pewson. Mrs. IT. — jPhey'll- swea?' ta thi«j. and all the circumstan-- ces will confirm their oath. Xewore.— God, forgive them' : they speak false of him ! — ' G father, coaM ar villain most accurs'd E'er wrong the savior of his life ? And she So innocent as to hang about his neck. And wipe away the tear that trickled o'er Ilis cheek, when she wouli kiss her Uncle Georgg ? N-o ! no ! he could not wrong his lov'd Lenore ! Son. H. — Never 1 Lenore, never ! Mrs, M,—' Alas I my dears,, you know not what you say t Howd.— Hegad ! his this the wewawd fow wisking my life, hand 'aving my hawm bwoke ! Hon. J&. — But if you^'ve lied in this — damme ! — Mrs. jSl-^-Las- a me ! Gotly ! you- are mad ! Hoivd. — Hegad ! ham I to be hinsulted ? — ^^Do you not know 'e 'as confessed 'is cwrime? Hon. if.— Who ? Howd. — ^ The cwazy man ! hand dwowned 'imself, too, eh? Mrs. H. — Yes ; las a me ! the villain drowned himself in the Potomac last night ! Lenore. — Kind Heaven ! let my love for him atone his sin ! Eon. H. — And have I driven him to this deed ! O God, forgive me ! 31rs. H — Las a me ! Lenore ! — The idea, Gotly 1 Howd. — But heaw me wead this bin the Chwoni'cle. [Reads'] Man dwowned.- — Geowge Lackland, well known as the cwazy cove Wat spouts, hand the willain who committed the dawing and bwutal hassault upon the daughtew of Honowable Gotlieb 'Eidelbewg, hin 52 a fit of phwensy last night, confessed 'is cwime, by dwowning 'imself hin the Potomac. 'Is body 'as not yet been wecovewed. — [^Aside] CleveTT- chap ! ITon, a. — Gnaw ! gnaw ! remorse, my guilty heart ! and if thou hast claws, clutch it, and hold it reeking in thy talons, before my burning eyes, that I may see its crime- blackened core ! Lenore. — And he is dead !— heavenly Saviour, Save thou his soul, as I did save his life ; And love him with Thy love as I — poor I — Oh, — mother— father — help ! — farewell— farewell ! [Faints in the arms of her mother. '\ Mrs. 11. — Merciful heaven ! my child is dying ! Hon. II. — Die in thy love, Lenore, and go to Heaven ; I'll die in guilt — farewell — we part for ever ! Hoivd.— [Aside'] Hegad ! hi vish hi 'ad 'ad an hen- gagement fow this houw ! A.OT V . SCENE I. Pennsylvania Avenue, in front of Dr. Toiler s office. Lackland discovered leaniny on hitching -post which represents a negro hoy holding out his hand with a ring in it. Lachl. — For seven weary days thus have I stood, Insensible to all the world without As if I were this metal negro here That silent stands, and holds bis eager hand To catch what chance may put within his grasp ; But not a clue of my poor lost Lenore Yet have I found. — Where is that magic heart That chang'd this world of misery and woe— » Nay, hell of raving madness, rage, and crime, 53 Into a heav'n of happiness and love ? — Alas ! — why did my anger banish thought ? Why did I hurl the coward from the wall ? Thank God, I did not kill him as I thought I had, and fled as guilty of a murder ! Enter Tad, a neiosboy. Tad.—'EiYQumg Star !— Veto to the Civil Rights Bill !— Have a Star, sir ? only three cents ? last copy, sir ? Lackl. — Yes. Boy, take the money. [Buys paper.'] It is a consolation to read the flattering comments on my speech. Tad. — Thank you. \_Strilces a Canterhury.'] Lackl. — Ah, you can dance, I see ? Tad. — Yes, — only five cents— beat Mulligan all hollow ! LacJd. — Well, my boy, give me a dance. My heart is sad ; his merriment may relieve me. Tad. — [Calling.'] Hello ! Bob ! come an' pat for me ? Enter bootblacJc Bob, voy finely dressed. Bob. — Can't do it, Tad — not in the biz. now. jTacZ.— Blazes ! Bob, where did you get nW the good clothes ? Fire last night ? eh ? 5o5.~No, sah, Tad ; I comes under de Freedmen's Bureau Bill ? Yah ! hyah ! Don't you wish you was a niggah, Tad ? Enter oystcrboy Steve, blowing his horn. Steve. — Hyar's yur nice fresh oysters ! — Gor a'mighty ! Bob, whar's you workin' now ? all dem fine clo'es ? Bob. — I tells you, Stebe, I b'longs to de Freedmen's Bureau. Steve. — Golly ! dar was some nice clo'es in de drawers den if you got dese dar ! Bob. — Got 'em for nuffin too ! gets all my grub for nuffin, too ! Better jine in wid me. Ye's black — come along. Exit. Tad, — No ; hold on, Steve, and pat for me ? Pat up Juba. §4 ^feve.—AW right ! drive ahead !— Goll j ! wat nice cWes dat niggah do weah. Gum ! I thought afore a nig- gah -weah all ihe clo'es he got on his back, an' no need of a bureau I Guess not, dough, now f [^Steve pats, Tad dancer; pmsers hy stop ; among»t oth- ers Maj. Bopp who remains after the dancing is over. 'J LacM. — Thank you, boys. Here divide this between you. l^Q-ives money. \ Tad and Steve. — Thank you. Exeunt. Maj. B. — Dat boy ish a goofc dancer — eh ? Lackl. — [Aside.'\ What ! this the German who a'ttack- ed me ! Maj. B. — Dat boy ish a goot dancer— eh ? LacM. — Yes. [-4siVZe.] Zounds ! 1 could throttle him. I Maj. B. — I see you buys a paper. Do you not know the news ? I shows 'im to you. \Points to paragraph in paper. ~\ LacJcL^—YoKi refer to this speech of Heidalberg ? Maj. B. — No ! mine gott ! — but read dat. [Poinf» ■ again. ^ Lackl. — Heavens ! what is this ! \^Reads^ Goppied from the Chronicle — George Lackland — crazy cove — com- mitted daring and brutal assault upon the daughter of Honorable Gotleib Heidelberg — phrenzy — confess- ed crime by drowning himself — body not recovered I [^Partly aside.'] ^Heavens! accuse me of brutally as- aulting her ! Maj. B. — Ish not dat goot ?• He wash afeart of me ! LacM. — Why, who are you ? Maj. B. — Mine gott ! I ish der prave soltyer who resh- ffiued! her ! Py dam, I cut 'im pad ! LacM. — And you say he assaulted her ? Maj. B. — Tunner ! I wasK dere ! I saw 'im mit dese eyes ! He'shtruck 'er down ! Den I rushed in, und grabbed 'im by de throat, und hollered, Holt ! Holt ! I stabs you in de pelly mit mine swort ! Oh, I ish a prave man ! I cut 'im pad ! LacM. — And you published this article in the paper I 55 Maj. B.^lSo ! mine gott ! de brinter does dat ! I gib? 'im de writing, und I says, brint dat ! Tunner ! I isk a prave soltyer, und nichts ein brinter ! Zackl.— [Taking Mm hy the throat.'] Liar'! villian'l know I am George Lackland.! the crazy man ! Maj. B.—Oh, mine gott ! wash ish der matter mit me now ! Lacld.—Down on your knees you cursed liar ! What, tell me to my face you rescued from ray brutal grasp my own Lenore ? and publish this ? that I am dead ? to break her heart ? Down on your knees and beg for life, you cowardly liar ! Maj ^.—Tunner! I ish bewitched! bewitched! Lackl.—\_S]iaJdng him'] You rescue her? you stab me with your sword? I drown myself in fear of you?— Go! paltry coward! \_Pushes Imn over on his back.] Maj. B.—O mine faderland ! ish der pavement risin' von der grount too ! Und on mine pack ! Oh, I ish bewitched ! demoralized und bewitched ! Uxit. LacJcl— This then the secret ef the great reward for my arrest ! Come ! here am I ! I spurn the charge. No! the dastard liars ! they dare not expose their villainy! tieaven ! that so much misery should be ■east upon us by the cowardice and lies of paltry vil- lains ! This then their scheme ? Why was I so unsus- pecting ! I knew these men were cowards — Avhy did I not then know that they would lie, pile lie on lie, but^that their cowardice should be concealed ! But — .assault Lenore to violate her person ? I ne'er had dreamed that man could frame that lie, or knowing us, believe it for an instant,! — But, a crazy rebel m disguise ! — Aye ! there's the womb that gave the lie its birth ! JSnter Aileen. A-ileen. — An' could you tell me, sir, where Dr. Toner lives about here ? ZacM.— What ! Aileen ? Aileen. — Yis — but can you tell me, sir ? 56 . Lao^d. — Do you not know me, Aileen ? Ailecn. — No. — The divil take you with your foolin' now! — But tell me where is Dr. Toner ? Lacld. — [J.sit7c] Like the German, she never saw me but as the crazy cove and the old clerk. Thanks — I may now learn all.— Dr. Toner lives here. Eut what's the matter, Aileen ? Aileen. — Sure! an' dinna ye know my masther's daugh- ter la dying ? LajU.—Lmove ! God ! Aileen — Ah, yis ; she heard bad news; her heart is sLp ic-~poor, tinder darlint! — But till me, where is Dr. Touer ? Lacld.~llh.Qi-e ! np those stairs ! Quick, Aileen, quick! Aileen.—Thsjik yes. Exit. Lacld. — Oh, have then the calumny and lies of these damn'd villains murdered my beloved Lenore through my delay in fear of an arrest? Come madness now again and turn my flashing thoughts into as many lightning darts to pierce my soul for aye ! Come ! change my crowding thoughts into a troop of fiends to goad me from this earth to hell ! Ah, here you are, damned crew ! Novr pluck my guilty heart from out my breast and tear it with your poisoned fangs among you while it bleeds and palpitates ! What ! are ye cowards, too ? Here, take my burning brain and kindle up your courage ! What ! and do ye fear the flame ! Ye poor damned cowards ! back to hell ! and learn to brave its fire ! Back ! back ! ye cring- ing knaves I Re-enter Aileen. Aileen — Faith, an' the doctor is not at home at all, at sU !-— Ah, the poor, shwate soul is dying. Lacld. — Lenore ! Where is she ? Oh, take me to her ? Aileen. — An' are yes a doctor ? Lacld. — I am ! — Oh, take me to her ! Aileen - -Than come!- -Good sir, you have a tinder heart ! Come, darlint, come, and save the dear Le- nore ! 57 £a(?H.— With Heaven's help.— Go, Aileen, go ! Exeunt, Re-enter Tad, [among other passers-hy.) Taci— Evening Star ! Second Edition ! Exit. Re-enter Steve, Mowing Ms tin horn. Steve.— Rj^LVs, your nice fresh Freedmen's oysters Bu- reau! tl yar's your nice fresh clo'es oysters ! Exit. Enter Howard. Eowd. — Hegad ! hit stwikes me hi am hin a pwetty box if Lenowe should die ! Wewe is 'er 'alf ha mill- ion then, hin or hout hof ray puwse ! eh ? hi Avondew weally ! Enter Dr. and Mrs. Squirm. Doctow, do you think she will wecovew ? Dr. Squ. — Irrevocably never ! Most remarkable case of trichiniasis on record I But when I pronounced this to the Honorable Member, he was so delirious, as actually to eject me forcibly from the house with his boot, and to send for another of the Faculty ! But I shall nevertheless publish an elaborate history of the case in the next edition of my Epistle on Epi- demies ! 31rs. Squ. — And when I would have read a tract to the dying girl, her mother pulled my hair, and told me to go along about my business ! What depravity ! But I have full notes of the whole transaction for the newspapers. Come -^sculapius. Exeunt. JTowd. — Hegad ! ha pewfectly hextwaowdinawy case ! Hand wat if it be not mended ? eh ? My wight hawm bwoke ! hand not heven my bill fow pewfurae wy paid! Re- enter Major Bopp, Maj. B. — Mine gott ! de crazy man ish not drownt ! He kills you deat ! He ish alive und shtrong ash pully ! Howd. — Ha ! you do not hundewstand ! 68 Maj. B.—l nichts furshtay ! py dam ! But he ish not drownt ! You finds dat out ven he gets you by der neck ! Jlowd. — Ha ! ha ! you do not compwe'end ! 'E his dwowned has Bwigadiews were killed duwing the "waTT — hin the papews — eh ? Maj. B. — Yaw, py dam, so you finds out ! You show 'im deat in der paper, und he vill show you 'im alive in der Vashington. Howd.-~ — Wewe did you see 'im ? Maj. B. — Here ! mine gott, he wash djust here! Hawd. — Hegad ! — Ah, hi wemembew now hi 'ave an hengagement. Most 'appy to meet 'im 'ere, but hen- gagements must be kept. Exit. Maj. ^.-— Yaw ! put he not kills you in der papers, py dam, ven he kills you ! Exit, SCENE II. A hall in the Convent. Enter Lackland. LacM. — Are then our threads of life so kuit by love, So interwoven in one common web. That e'en the counterfeit of Atropos, Snapping her futile scissors at my thread. Should cut the life of my belov'd Lenore? So closely love entwines two lives in one ! Aye ; had delay her careless fetters lock'd, And kept me patient captive for an hour, I had not check'd her tearing, parting thread, And giv'n her double strength — ' He is not dead!' She had not heard — nor had I those words said | Enter Lenore. Lenore. — Ah, doctor, do not grufily frown on me — Oh, do not treat me harshly if I ask — Lackl. — The index of my mind, and not my heart, Is graven in the furrows of my frown. Your life and his depend upon your silence. Jjenore. — But tell me, doctor, how is George to-day ? The news will lodge forever in my heart, Nor wish to wander to my simpler tongue. 59 JjacTci. — More hopeful than when you last satv hinl. — Go! I would not longer be so cruel. — Go ! Then he is well as I — go ! patient, go ! Jjenore. — Then he is well. Thanks, dearest doctor^ thanks. To howl those words were music to my eair. ^ Unter Aileen. Aileen. — Yer father and yer mither, darlint, are comin hard to say their shwate Lenore. UzU. Zienore. — My father and my mother ! — Doctor dear. Oh, let me kiss them if not speak to them ! Lackl—F ovg\-^Q my seeming cruelty. No^go ! But take this bead— George gives it you to-day A token of his health and love for you. \_Gives head.~\ Jjenore, — The same I hung about his neck.— He smiled, And quaintly said, The Venerable Bede. Oh, he then lov'd me though I knew it not.— Thanks, doctor, thanks,— be ever cruel thus And I shall never fear your lack of kindness. LacU.—^ov once my brain is master of my heart ; For once my purpose makes my feeling stoop ; Now can I move this chess-man as I like. Enter Hon. and Mrs. Heidelberg. 3Ir8. E.—K\ doctor, how is my daughter to-day? Laekl—l am as happy to say, as you to hear it, better. j^on. iT— Good sir, you have saved her life. May I ask, how can I reward you ? Zackl— Thank you, sir ; but we will talk of that again'.- Mrs. jr.— But, doctor, can't we see her to-day ? Las a> me! she's so much better! XacA;?.— Have patience, madame. You will have her in in your arms at home much sooner than you expect.- Mrs. ^.— Las a me ! doctor ! Lackl.--^Yes, dear madam;— but come into the nex* room this conversation may disturb her. 60 ]^rs. H.—lToHon. Jr.] Wonderful I Hon. H. — Truly wonderful ! Exeunt. SCENE III. Heidelhery's parlor. Hoy^A'Rj) discovered. Howd. — Fowtunate — clevew chap! Though hi sold my fiodd to-day fow a piece hof pie, hand as a last wesowt came to bowwow mowe money fwom Mrs. 'Eidelbewg, hi now find Lenowe 'as wecovewed, hand 'er 'alf a million mine, suwe pop. Clevew chap 1 Enter Mes. Heidelberg. Mrs. H. — Yes, dear soul, she's coming home to-night as well as ever. Las a me ! dear son-in-law, how happy she will be to see you. — But, do tell me, where have you been since you read her the noArs ? Think of iti dear soul, I havn't seen or heard of you since then I Hoivd. — Ah, hi thought Lenowe was dying, hand in my cwitical condition, hit pewfectly pwostwated me. Mrs. H — Ah, yes, dear soul, I might have known that. But here comes Aileen. Enter Aileen. Have they come yet ? Aileen. — Aye 1 an' my very heart is playin' layp-frog over my tongue foor joy, it is. Och, \U a bowld doc- thor that I He'd a tinder faylin' for the shwate cray- ther. Aye, I've seen a tear-drop in his eye for her suiFerin's ; an', by the powers, I thought I'd be af- ther sayin' the millaynium afore I'd say a docthor waypin' for a patient ! I would ! Enter Hon. Heidelberg, Lenore, ayid Lackland. Lenorc. — My mother, dear, oh, take me to your arms I Mrs. H. — My darling daughter, come I \^They embrace.'] Howd. — \_To Lenore] My 'appiness his supweme to see you so pewfectly wecovewed. Lenore. — I thank you, sir, I am quite well indeed. This doctor gave an antidote for you. 61 Ilrs. H. — Btti, doctor, las a me ! let me introduce yon to my future son-in-law, Sir Henry Howard. \_They shake hands.'\ Eowd. — [^8zc?e] Hegad I 'e 'as ha feawful gwasp ! Mrs. H. — He saved her honor, and she shall now be hia wife. Zackl. — Ha ! ha ! and I have sav'd her life. Were I Dispos'd, I might then claim my patient's hand With stronger reason than this gentleman. Mrs, H. — Yes, las a me ! but he had first saved her hon- or and her name from vile reproach — a good equiva- lent for her life. But, las a me ! you're not unworthy of her. Lackl. — Ha ! thank you ; I'll remember this. Hon. II. — Yes, good doctor, you are indeed not unwor- thy of our daughter whom you restore to us to-night from her death-bed as if by magic ; and if i knew you to be as good and wise a man as my old clerk who made my celebrated speech, and whose death I occasioned by robbing him of it, I would say to you, take my daughter, and half my fortune with her, and God bless you both ! Lenore. — Oh, father, your old clerk, my George, is not - Lackl. — [^To Lenore] Hold! speak no more! Hold I recollect my words ! Eon. H. — Wbat say you, daughter ? Mrs. a. — The idea ! and not forgot the villain yet ! Hoiod. — Hegad ! Lenore. —Good doctor, pardon me, but I can bear This burden of suspense no longer on The feelings of my tender throbbing heart ! Go ! quit your jokes and idle talk, and bring My noble George before my loving eyes ! The hope of seeing whom has sav'd my life ! Go, doctor, go ! To-night yoa promised me. These arms would circle round my lov'd one's neck; These lips vrould cling in fond enraptur'd bliss Sipping the nectar of his truest kiss ; And this poor heart, that beats against this wall, Hear his in unison return the call. 52f Lachl. — The doctor who has saved yoUr life, is he. \Kneels.~} my belov'd Lenore, I am your George ! Mrs. H. — Las a me ! the crazy rebel ! Hon. H. — What ! my good old clerk \ -Az'Zegw. — Gorrah ! herbowld owld ooncle that gave the Ditchman such a welt ! a docthor ^in disguise ! But he has a tinder heart, he has. Bowd.—HegdLdL ! [^s/c^e] Hit stwikes me hi am in as box, vich is likely to be my coffin ! Lenore. — Kind Heaven, can it be ! Beloved George^ A THREE- FOLD LOVE now will I have for you: My Uncle George ; the crazy man I sav'd ; And now the doctor who has saved my life. Lachl. — \_To Hon. H.'] Good sir, I am the clerk that' made your speech Hon. H. — No more — no more ! I know your story, sir^ God knows the burden you have taken from my con- Bcience now. Let me take you by the hand. {^They shake Jiands.~\ You have an honest gripe : it will protect my daughter : here, fold it in it. \^Lays Xe- Ttores hand in Lackland' s.l God bless you both ! Mrs. S".— Las a me ! Gotly, you are mad ! She is this English lord's. Howd. — Most 'appy, but — ^\_Going'] Lachl. — Hold ! you villain ! You say I committed s brutal assault upon this lady here ? Liar ! confess the slander, or you shall feel my strength again ! Lenore.— Oh, do not, George, he is a simple fool. His broken arm is punishment enough. Hon. H. — I could have sworn the villain lied. Mrs. H. — Las a me ! you scamp, have you deceived mel^ Begone ! Aileen. — Gorrah ! let me at him ? Lenore. — No ! pray do not ! — forgive his villainy, For it has work'd us good. — Now go, in peace* Howd.— Ah thanks. Most 'appy to stay longer, but hi wemembew now, hi 'ave an hengagement. \_Croing.'j 63 Enter Maj. Bopp witli Miss Flirtina, Mrs. H. — Yes, an engagement with this young lady ! The jealous thiu^ ! Flirtina. — my love Henry, have I found you at last ! \_G-oes to Howard.'] Maj. B. — Tunner und sour-krout ! Oh, mine gott ! wash ish de matter mit me now ! Tunner ! Mish Flir- tina, you tells me pring you here, und you will be mine frau, und, py dam, now you goes to dish Eng- lish lord, who ish a cowart ! knave ! LacJcL —And what are you ? You are the brave soldier who rescued this Udy from my brutality ? Maj. B. — Tunner ! I ish bewitched und demoralized ! {Pointing to Hotvard] He ish de man ! He gibs me Mish Flirtina if I gibs 'im Mish Lenore ! He drowns you in de paper! I ish not de man! Und mine koornelcy ! were ish it now ! Ah, I ish bewitched ! bewitched ! Aileen. — Arrah ! I've a shpite at the Ditchman, too ! Do you see that ! Aye ! I'd welt the dirty pate of you, I would ! Maj. ^.— Mine gott ! wash ish de matter mit me now ! Enter Dr. and Mrs. Squirm and Mickib. Dr. Bqu. — Oh ! oh ! my daughter has clandestinely eloped with the German count ! Trichiniasis and cholera which by analogy clandestinely eloped — [Sees Flirtina with Howard.] Mrs. Squ. — Ah, my daughter, my daughter ! Where can I find my appropriation for my philanthropic distri- bution of Hebrew tracts among our — [Sees Flirtina with Howard.] J)r. aS'^w.— Wonderful to behold ! Mirabile [Looks in hook] visu ! Mrs. Squ. — Extraordinary metamorphosis I-'-My note book ! [ Writes.] Mickie. — Aye! here's the Ditch vagabond ! [To Maj. Bopp] Do you ricognize yer owld frinds yit ? 64 Dr. Squ. — The unconscionable villain ! Maj. B. — Oh, mine gott ! wash ish de matter mit me now! Eon. II. — They're lying, cowardly villains — both of them ! Flirtina. — What ! my Henry a lying, cowardly villain ! Aileen. — Yis, a low blackguard ! [Putting her fist un- der HoivanTs nose'] Do you mind that ! That's what owld Ireland would be afther doin' now to your coun- thry England ? eh ? Lenore. — No more of this ! Peace ! peace, good people all! [To Hoioard'] Here, take the hand of her who loves you dearly, And beg her to forgive you as I do. [Lays Flirtina s hand in Howard's. ] Flirtina. — [To Iloivard] Was it for her, [Lenore] so good, so kind, so amiable, and so beautiful, that you deserted me ? Was it for her that you became a vil- lain ! I do forgive you, Henry : she surpasses me as day does night : You had been a cursed villain not to have left me for her ! Dr. Squ. — Lenore not dead? Alas ! for my chapter on her extraordinary case of trichiniasis ! Mrs. Squ. — George Lackland not drowned ? Alas ! for my moral reflections on his death already publish- ed in the Bosting journals ! How d.— [Kneeling to Flirtina'] Fow once hi vill be hon- est bin my life, hi did not love Lenowe, but 'er 'alf a million I Mrs. H. — And, las a me ! the scamp has got a couple hundred of it already ! Flirti7ia. —Then you have left your love for me. That will I take for it was love for me myself — I had no money. Come, kiss me now — all is over! Hoivd.—yio^i:, 'appy. [Tliey kiss.] Maj. j5.— Tunner und blitzen ! Hon. H. — Come Sarah Jane, take Lenore's hand, as I take Mr. Lackland's, and let us join them together as the symbol of cur wishes that their lives united 65 may be ever virtuous and happy. And Dr. Squirm, with your good lady there, do you the same with Miss Flirtina and Mr. Howard. Mrs. ff.j Dr. and Mrs. Squ.—l do.- Maj. B. — Lenore not deat ! De crazy man not drownt ! De English cowart vins mine frauline, Mish Flirtina, who says she ish mine to night, py dara, to get me pring her here ! Ob, mine gott ! I ish bewitched ! 3Iickie. — Yis, ye diriy divil ye, and kicked with yer own boots ! [^Kicking'] Don't you ricognize yer owld frinds ! [IJxit Maj. Bopp haivUng, mine gott! wash ish de matter mit me now /] Whoo ! the Fenians would bate the divil ! — But Aileen, mavourneen, where are ye ? Would ye be afther shtandin' shtill and sayin' nothin when all this jinin' of hands is goin' on ? Come, darlint, come ! Aileen. — Arrah, Mickie, you're my heart's own love. Mickie. — Aye, an yer a jewel— a carbooncle. Howld here your gob. [He kisses her'] Aye ! an' mind ye now, we're anither hid cintre ! Hurroo ! the Fenians are flourishin' mightily ! Lackl. — And God be praised, that after all our crime. And sorrow, pain, remorse, and shame, and fear, That we, poor agents of the One above, Should now be blessed with a Three-fold Love. Mrs. jSqu. — This must be published in the Bosting journals. END OP THE DRAMA. Disposition of the Characters as the curtain falls. Aileen. Mickie. Lenore. Lackl. Flirt Eowd. m ^ ^ ^ Mrs. H. Hon. H. Mrs. Squ. Dr. Squ. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 015 785 827 LIBRARY OF CONGRESS llililllllllllllii 015 785 827 u I-4/->llii->or*»r (^orr>.