i V 7^ k'Tf.fcT French's International Copyrighted (in England, her Colonies, and the United States) Edition of the Works of the Best Authors THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS B aomeDv> in ^bree Bets MARY F. KINGSTON Copyright, 1915, by Samuel French NOTICE.— Amateurs do not require permission to produce this play. All other rights are reserved. PRICE 25 CENTS New York SAMUEL FRENCH PUBLISHER London SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 26 Southampton Street 28-30 WEST 3Sth STREET STRAND e ® ® THE FORTUNE HUNTER. A Charming Comedy in four acts, by Winchell Smith. The cast calls for seventeen males and three females, but by doubling: a number of the small male parts it can be played by eleven males and three females. Three interior and one exterior scenes. Costumes modern. Plays 2i hours. It is upon the advice and capital of his friends that Nat Duncan, thv*^ young fortune bimter, decides to embark upon a wife-hunting expedi- tion. The scheme is to go to a small town and live very quietly for on» year. The theory upon which the pursuit is conducted is that in a small town there is at least one girl who has a fortune. All the youn"? men who are worth while move away to larger cities to malce their fortunes, but the poor girls have to remain behind, and those who are really above the average are forced to remain single, because they wil\ not marry the riflf-raff which remains, according to the theorists. Thia leaves Duncan with a clear field in any town which he selects. Duncan's experiences prove the theory. The village banker's daugh' ter really falls in love with him, and in accordance with expectations it is actually she who proposes before the end of the year. But there is no such sordid end to the tale. It has been a part of the program that Nat should work during his year of residence in the village. He has^ found that work is really interesting, and brings its own rewards. He has become a successful business man while endeavoring to win an easy fortune, and at the same time he has found the girl who can make him happy, and its does not happen to be the girl with the fortune. It is a charming, wholesome story, touched with tender humor and filled with Quaint philosophy, with just the sort of love interest that makes one glad to know about, because it is both pure and sincere. " The Fortune Hunter " is one of the most successful comedies pro- duced in New York in the last decade. It had a most phenomenal run and is still on tour. Price, 50 cents. PEACEFUL VALLEY. A comedy in three acts, by Edward E. Kidder. 7 males, 4 females. This wonderful play, known all over the United States and Canada, had just attained its majorit.v and is a classic of its kind. It made the fame of its author, Edward E. Kidder, and was largely responsible for the great success of the late lovable Sol Smith Russel, who created the part of Hosea Howe. It has been performed over five thousand times and is still in great demand. " Peaceful Valley " is a sweet idyl of the heart with three charming love stories twined about it, and throbs with humanity, bubbles with fun, and thrills with pathos- The " human touches '* that round out the history of the brave, awkward, tender- hearted young fellow, who waited on the table of a summer hotel to earn the money to send him through college, his love for his mother, " who has the whole of "Peaceful Valley on her mind," his adoration for the daughter of the New York millionaire, his flashes of awkward wit, his righteous wrath against wrongdoers, all make up a complex and marvelous character. Ten other Quaint, hateful or lovable people are in the play: comic, serious, detestable, pitiable, and fine. There arfe over two hours of intense enjoyment and the play is clean and uplift- ing. Not a character in it is unworthy of being played, and all the parts are good. In the shadowed stage of to-day "Peaceful Valley" shines out a beacon light ! The play particularly appeals to college men and college women. The characters are so simple that they are easily played by amateurs- Price, 50 cents. These plays are subject to royalty when produced. Our 124 Page Catalogue Sent Free on Application. THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS B vJomeO^ in Hbree Bets ny MARY F. KINGSTON COPYKMiHT, li>ir), BY SAMUBf; I'KENCH NO'l'K'R.^AmatiMii-s do not ivuuii-e i)Brmis.siou to i»rodnco this play. All other )-ieht."s aiv reserved. New York SAMUEL FRENCH PUBLISHER 28-30 WEST 38th Street London SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 26 Southampton Street STRAND THP96-0066C3 J'^NMi^ 39489 l«v.-.V. ^ THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS PROLOGUE. (rood Friends, in days gone by, when Art was young. And Drama still was in its swaddling clothes, There was a Go-Between 'twixt pit and stage. And oftentimes, the People — waiting for a thrill- Were gently 'prised of what was next to come. Bnt mayhap, their imaginations were less keen : And settings for the stage (less artfully done) Made explanation requisite. And so — they had a Prologue. \Ve need no explanation for this play; The action, you will see, is simple quite; The scene is one of no unusual place ; Xoi' are the people of a type unknown. To lia\e me come before, is but a whim — — For I am PROLOGUE. And the purport of my mission's this: We crave your kind indulgence, and goodwill And, if perchance, we make a smile rise to your lips, We shall consider that the evening has been one Of profit to you. Friends, and to Ourselves, as well. THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. CAST OP CHARACTERS. Mirs. Montgomery. .President of The Women's Gen- eral Jnformalion Club — and I/Osiess of the Day Mi^s. Gekald de Vausney A Society Woinan Miss \'otixe A Spinster and Suffragette Mks. Joe Erbic A tactless Chatterhoj- Miss x\cribel A ^Cynical and Doleful Old Maid Bridget Stupid Irish — fresli from " The Ould Sod " Secretary Treasurer Mrs. iS^ ordica-Situman n-Heinck- Warbler Mrs. (' n aminade-Beethoven-Jones ACT I. ScM.vE: — Mrs. Montgomery's livino- rooin. TiMi-:: — Morning. ACT II. Scene: — The same. Tim e : — Afternoon . ACT III. Scene: — The same. Time :— An hour later. The Trials of a Hostess ACT I. ScivNK: — \li:8. Montcjomery's //'/•///// room. Poor af center hack, /ending into hall. Door at left, leading into dining room. A table desk at right jronl. Oil ir /licit is a- te/ep/tone and l/\r morning's mai/. /loom sJioiVfi comfort, hut not great iccalt/i. (Uuiain rises on onphj stage. {Killer MiJs. MoNTOOMEKY, //o/// dining room. She is dressed in an attractive morning (joirn. Willi dig nit I/, s.'ie iral/i's lo t/ie desk: opens /ler niaii. and hegins to read. No word i§ spoken. I'Jnter I>inn()E'r. S/ie is red-lteaded, c/umsy and lalka- lire. S/ie is no/ orer-neat — and comes in irit/i l/ic dis/i rlol/i in one liand. and a saucepan in the otlier. ) lii.'iiMJET. {Walking rapidly lo Mils. MoNT- comery's side) Did yez call iniuu? Tlie wJiilst Oi wiiz ji-wurrkin' all aloiu' by niesilf, thinks Oi to iiie- siir thinks Oi. there's the new missus a-ealliii' of me — and Oi asks ye this, mum, did yez jist call out loike this lieir: {Screams) Bri-i(l-i>-j^e-e-t ^ Mks. Mon'i'c.omery. {Ag/tast) \A'hy no, Bridget, T didn't call, and even if F had, you should have (■(•me ill without a \vor(L and waited for my instruc- tions. r>nt I not shout — 1 IMN(J wlien I want you. 5 6 THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. Bridget. {Tlumhly) Yis'm, Mrs. Mont — Mont — Monty ■ Mrs. M. (Helping her out) Mrs. Montgomery, Bridget. « Bridget. (Sniilmg) All right and yis mum, Mrs. (SwaUoiving) Montry. (Bridget starts to leave the room hut is recalled) Mrs. M. While you are here, Bridget, I might as well tell you a few things^ about my work. I am very i)articular about the way my house looks. (Emphatically) I have a place for everything, and I want eveiything in its place. Look about you as you go through the rooms (Bridget gapes around the room) and see where things are kept, and then be sure that everything is where it belongs. Bridget. Yis'm. (She starts out of the room, agwin) Mrs. M. And, another thing, Bridget. At break- fast time you put everything on the table at once. Please remember that I want only the fruit on at first — then the cereal — and then the rest of the breakfast. Do you think you will remember? Bridget. Yis. It's a grab-bag-party ye want to be a- pi ay in' — ye know what ye'\e got now, and it's^ a guess whot ye'll git nixt. All roight, Oi'll remem- ber. (She starts out of tlie room again) Mrs. M. (Ignoring this remark, and recalling Bridget once more) And now about lunch. I ex- pect to have a very busy morning, and I want to tell you about tJiOoc things now so that you will not bother me later. (Slowly and emphatically) We'll have some shirred eggs-on-Jtoast ; (Bridget stares at her blankly) some baked potatoes; (Bridget smiJes comprehendingly) some snow pudding; (Bridget's jair drops) and some cocoa. Can you iix these things without help? Bridget. (Bravely) Yis'm, sure and Oi can! (Bridget gets as far as the dining room door, when Mrs. Montgomery thinks of something else) THE TKIALS OF A HOSTESS. 7 Mbs. M. Oh, yes, I want to tell you about this afternoon. I am going to ha\e my Cliih here. (Bridget, in terror, drops the saucepan with a clatter,) HRJi).ii:T. {(leniiinely olarined) Yev chib? Mrs. M. {Unconsciously^ arranging her hair) Why, yes, my Club. I shall have it here most of the r(irJ.y) Ijisten to mq, Bridget. You iuust not interrupt me when I am speaking. If you wish to stay here, you must obey me without reply. You are to wear your black dress; a clean white apron ; and a clean cap ! BitiDGET. {Meeldy) Yis'm. Mrs. M. And I want you to go to the front door «)romptly. {ShaJces tier finger at Bridget) Be listening for the door bell, and please act as though yon were used to it. And don't peep out two or THE TEIALS OF A HOSTESS. 9 three times to see who is there before you open the door. Try to make people think you have been with me a long, long time. That will do — you may go. {Exit Bridget. Mrs. Montgomery solVoquizing) What ever am I to do with that girl ! I thought Jean- nette was bad enough, but this one — she's impossible! But I'll have to keep her until to-morrow, and then — (Mrs. Montgomery starts to read her mail. She has but just begun when the 'phone rings. She draws it to her. Mrs. Montgomery answering) Yes — Yes, this is Mrs. Montgomery. Who? — Oh, yes, Mrs. De Yausney, how do you do? — That's Liood — Yes. it is this afternoon. — Oh, did she? — That's riglit, we will start at three o'clock. Yes, I am so glad you can be with us. — I was afraid you would not be home fi-om yonr summer place in time. — Yes. — {Thoughtfully) Why, we expect to have the regular business meeting, and then a very attractive program, / think. — Well, for one thing — Miss Yotine is to read a paper on " The Effect of H]qual Suffrage on the Price of Mucilage." — Yes, it sliould be very helpful. — What did you say? — Oh, yes. — And then, Mrs. Erric was to have read a paper on '• depose, the Keynote of Health " — but she got so excited over it that we were afraid she would be too ill to come to the meeting at all, so we excused ])er. Miss Acribel is to take Jier place. — She is going to read an original poem entitled, *' What's the Use?" — Yes, it will be an excellent meeting. {Surprised) — No, 1 luidn't heard about it. — What a time you are liaving, to be sure. This servant prob- lem is certainly a serious one. — Yes, I got a new <»ne yesterday. — Irish. A^erdant green — and you know what that means I — So, she doesn't seem to have had the sliglitest experience.—I certainly hope so! — AIJ right, Mrs. De Yausney, I shall expect you this aLternoon. Good-bye. (Mrs. Montgomery (Hice more tries to read her mail) ])\tw(M:T. {Fohimj her head in at the dining 10 THE TlilALS OF A HOSTESS. room door— and in a strident voice) Mrs. Mont- gomery, how in the name of the liowly saints d'yez git the eggs shirred f Ivory toime Oi put the ueedlo througli wan uv thim, the insides all run outside — and if ye'll tell me anny other way to shir chim Oi'U be obliged for ivermore. (Mks. Montgomrry does not answer, hut hastily leaves for the Icitchen. The door hell rings. Bridget dashes Ihrongh the room, into the front hall, and returns, half-dragging Mrs. Eeric. Mrs. Erric is dumbfounded to he thus received. Bridget hospitably) Yis, Mrs. Montgomery is to hum, and she says to me loike this, sez she, ' Bridget, listen fer the door bell and act as if ye wuz used to it' — so when it rang, runs Oi through the liouse — and here ye are. (Proudly surveys Mrs. EiJRic, much to Mrs Erric's discom- fiture) Mrs. Erric. (Nervously and fussily) All right, all right. Please tell Mrs. Montgomery that Mrs. Erric would like to see her. . Bridget. (Jnterestedly) Is thot yer name? Me name is Bridget — Bridget O'Flinnigin. Say, have yez lived in Americy very long. Mrs. E. (Trying to sr/uelch her) All my life. Bridget. {Undawnted) Have yez? Oi haven't. Oi've lived here only a week. Thot ain't very long- — but it's long enough to be talked about! Mrs. E. (Curiously) Talked about? Bridget. Yis, and in this house, too. I corned here yisterday marnin', and in the afthernoon they v\-uz a-talkin' about me. Mrs. Montgomery had three foine ladies hero to play cards. Oi know wot they wuz a-doin' cuz I peeked. Did yez iver peek, mum? Mrs. Erric. (Uncomfortably) Of course not! (Mrs. Erric sits down. She grows impatient) Bridgei\ Well, it's glad Oi am thot Oi did. Whilst they wuz playin' wid the cards, Mrs. Mont- gomery picked her bunch up, and looked at thim. She acted loike she wuz playin', but she wuz talkin' THE IMllALS OP A HOSTESS. 11 about me. Oi couldn't hear wot she said at first, but then she said right out loud, 'Bridge it' — and Oi yells back, ' Eh?' Iverbody jumped as if they'd seen a ghost. Oi guess it wuz their conscience thot bit 'em. It's unlucky to listen so I runned away — but bye and bye Oi comed back, and as true as Oi'm sittin' l]ere (Brjdojct teas dmiding) wan of the other ladies laughed rale low, and then said * Bridge it.' Oi wouldn't stay to hear anny more. Oi ran to the kitchen and cried instid. And they kept a-sayin' 'pray do,' and so I did. Mes. E. {Smiling in spite of herself) Why, they weren't talking about you, Bridget, they were |)la^ing a game called Bridge, and they said ' bridge —it.' ' BKiDCiET. {Silling down in Ike cludr nearest Mrs. Ereic;, and' in a confidential manner) Oi might think ye wuz right if thot had been all. It wuzn't. Even Mr. Montgomery — him wot's the boss liere — talks about me. Last night they had com- pany. It wuz Mr. Saunders. He's an enginec]- without anny engine — loike Mr. Montgomery. Say, how can a mon l)e an engineer, whin all he does is to build railroads, and don't run anny engine at all, at all ? (Mrs. Eruk . luku has been- fussing with her hand- kerchief through lids one-sided conversation, gets up and changes tier chair in hopes of slopping Bridoet. ) \ii;s. E. {WaJliing to anolher ch.air) He is what they call a i'ivil engineei", I^ridget. Bridget. ' {Nolliin,g daunled, follows Mrs. P^ifRic and seals lierself close by I lie caller) C\\U, is it? Do yez think it's civil to be talkin' about a ])()or girl way olf froui her mothei", Oi don't I Mi;s. E. {Jlopelesslij) How do you kjiow that Wv. Montgouiery talked about you? ni.'in(;byi\ {J ni pressireh/) Oi Jieard lilm. Mr. 12 THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. Montgomeiy was talkin' to Mr. Saunders about a railroad. Oi wanted to listen, but the missus sint me out fer bread — and jist as Oi comed back in the room, Mr. Saunders leans over the table and sez rale slow-loike ^ But wot will ye do wid the cut ? ^ And Mr. Monts^oniery asks cmt quick and sharp loike, "Bridge it?' (Bridget slaps Mrs. Erric on the knee, and Mrs. Erric considerahly startled stalls to rise, and then seats Iterself again as Bridget goes on) Oi thouo^ht he wuz askin' of me, so Oi hollers out, 'Who's cut? Where is it?' They looked at me pretty ugly so Oi guess they wuzn't askin' me afther all but wuz jist talkin' about me. The missus fro^\Tied at me. and said ' Thot will do, Bridget/ so Oi wint out quick. Mrs. E. (Her patience exhausted) Yes, yes, but I'm in a hurry — please tell Mrs. Montgomery that Mrs. Erric is liere. Bridget. (Resignedhj) All roight, mum (Go- ing into the dining room and shouting her message) Mrs. Montgomery, here's Mrs. Electric! Mrs. M. (In the dining room) Hush, hush. Bridget, you mustn't shout so. (Enter Mrs. Montgomery.) Mrs. M. Good morning, Mrs. Erric. Do let me apologize for Bridget's behavior. (Confidentially) You see she is brand new in America, as well as here, and doesn't know just what is expected of her. Mrs. E. (Half -smiling) Oh, that's all right, only I don't know trhen T have been received like that before. (Chattering on) But never mind that — I came over to find out if to-day is the day for our club meeting, or for the lecture down at the Baptist Church. I never can remember such things. I know at the last meeting, Miss Yotine and I were talking about something, but I don't know what! Xow. do tell me. THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 13 Mr.<. M. ^^^ly. it is our Club meeting. Don't you remember that you said it wt*uld be impossible for YOU to o-et your paper ready by October twenty- second ? Mrs. E. Oh. yes, now I remember — it had just sH]^|ied my mind. You see. I am so busy! Wliat with tl-.c babv to look after and Joe to please (al- though he's the dearest hnsband in all the world!) and mv housework and my marketing to do — and pveryfJiing to plan and watcli — T just can't seem to keep tilings straight. Mes. M. Yes. I su}3 Mrs. E. {Bafflinn ori) — I was so sorry to dis- appoint you about the paper. '' Repose, flte Keynote of TleaUh " — but I simply couldn't do it. (Hastily) But I tried — really I did. I got out all of Joe's books, and looked through dozens of them, but not a word could I find about repose! And then. I looked in my doctor's book under the title of liealth. but there wasn't a single thing about l-ey notes! And, T got so excited — you've no idea how excited I got I Why. the other niglit when Joe came home there I wa>. >urrounded by books, having a good crv. Poor .Joe was so friofhtened. but when I ex- i^lained what was the matter and that I hadn't had time to get his supper ready, he was so .sweet — but tlien. you know, he's the dearest husband in all the \\crld. Mrs. M. Yes. I am >ure he must be ! Mrs. E. I don't know what women do who have cranky liusl)anpy. Joe told me to let sonie'»jic who had more time write the i)aper for the Club — so that's whv I a^ked to i'c excused. Mks. M. Oh. that is all AFus. E. {A'jain inffrruptiny) — But Tin so glad 14 THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. I didn't miss the meeting, for I tell Joe that al- though woman's place is in the home, she should broaden out as much as possible — and Joe think? I would be very foolish not to belong to this Club, when you and Mrs. De Vausney belona:, and you both have such fine social positions. I tell Joe that a woman should think of these things when choosing her friends, for you never can tell what may come up. But, mercy ! hear me go on ! (She stands up) And I came over for only a minute to find out about the meeting. (Thoughtfully and worriedly) I do hope the baby will be all right while I am out. Babies are a blessing, but they are a terrible care. I tell Joe that a man has no idea of the anxieties of a mother ! Men are out in the world having a good time all day long, while their wives sit home worry- ing over them and the babies. But, of course, Joe can't see my point of view, although he's the dearest husband in all the world ! Joe says that he doesni have a good time all day long — but every time I go into his office he's just talhing, and anybody knoivs that that isn't hard work. Joe says that those talks give us all the nice things we have, but it's talk just the same, and you can't make me believe he doesn't enjoy it ! Why, almost everybody likes to talk ! (Siglis complacently) For myself — / prefer to listen ! But, we can't all be made alike. My, how the time does go — I really must hurry home ! Mrs. M. (Tlospitably) Now, don't forget — the meeting is at three. Mrs. E. All right, I think I can get here by that time if I hurry right liome, and get my work done. I tell Joe that nobody can ever say that I am not con- scientious about my housekeeping ! Well, good-bye — I'll be here at three o'clock. Mrs. M. Good-bye, Mrs. Erric. (E:vit Mrs. Erric. Mrs. Montgomery sinking into tlie nearest cliair) Joe, you must be superhuman!! Brii)Gi:t. (.1/ Ihe doorway, comes in and flops in THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 15 a chair in imitation of Mrs. Montgomery) How did yez iver sthop her? Mrs. M. {Reprovingly) That will do, Bridget, 1 don't want my guests criticized. Go do your work. Bridget. (Reluctantly) All roight. (Exit Bridget. Mrs. Montgomery once more endeavors to read her h elated mail. She just gets interested. Bridget coming in from the dining room, much houhled) Where's the snow? Mrs. M. The what 9 Bridget. The snow! Ye tould me tuh make a snow puddin', and Oi've liunted all over the garden, hut there ain't anny snow! Mrs. M. {E.rhaustedly) Xever mind the pud- ding, Bridget. \ (BiMixiET gets as far as the dining room door, and I lien- a new idea strikes her.) BRiDGf-yr. Whin d'yez want yer looncli ? Mrs. M. Why, is it lunch time? (Aside) And what liave 1 accomplished! {To Bridget) Is the hnicli ready, Bridget. BuiixiET. Indade it is not — it ain't ready at all, at all. T jist wanted to know wJiin ye moight be al'ther a -wan tin' it. Mrs. M. {Trying to keep her patience) You may go right ahead with it — I shall eat it as soon a^ it is ready. r)Kii)GKT. (Cheerfully) All roight. mum. (E.rit 1)1MI)GET) {Jiisl (IS Mi.'s. Montgo.mei{Y picli-s up a teller . I he 'phone hell rings.) Mf.'s. M. (Answering) This is t)43-3.— This is Mrs. Montgomery. Who? — i^yith a change of voice) Oh, Miss Acribel — good morning. — What? You're not comiuu? Why not?— Xo. of course we couldn't 16 THE TPJALS OF A HOSTESS. ^et alono- just as well without you. That poem of jours is to be one of the features of the day ! — Oh, no, you shouldn't feel that way ! — What did you say? — Why, I am sure sjie didn't mean it that way. She was talking to me just a few minutes ago, and she said nothing about it then. — Oh, T am sure you must have misunderstood her ! — No, she wouldn't hurt your feelings purposely. — Then we may expect you at three? — Why, of course! — All right then, good-bye. (Mrs. Montgomery hol-s at her vn-read mail hopelessly) Bridget. {Calling from the dining room) Mrs. Montgomery, come on and git yer loonch. Mrs. M. {Aside) What an awful din! Bridget. {€aUinr/ louder) Mrs. Montgomery, come on and eat, Mrs. M. {Nervously) How civn I ever stand this! Bridget. {Walhiny into the room and addressing her niistress reproachfully) Yer food is on the table ^don't ye want it? Oi hollered, but Oi guess ye didn't hear me. Mrs. M. {Wearikj) All right, Bridget. (Mrs. Montgomery follows Bridget from the rooui. The curtain is drann ivliile Mks. Montgomery is ivaltc- ing across the stage) CURTAIN. THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 17 ACT IT. Scene: — The same. Time : — Afternoon. {Enter Mrs. Montgomery. She looks around the room, and seeituj that it hasn't been put in proper order for the meeting, rings for Bridget. She is unanstvered. She rings several times in vain . Mrs. M. I wonder Avhere that girl can be (Exit Mrs. Montgomery. Enter Mrs. Montgomery, with Bridget iii toir. Bridget is arrayed in a hlacJc dress [made of lining) a white apron (about six inches in diameter) and a maid's cap (about twice too large). Bridget is thoroughly pleased tvith her clothes, and walks had' and forth to show them off. Mrs. Mont- gomery ignoring Bridget^s antics) We will need some extra chairs, Bridget. Yon may get them from the other room, and I will help you arrange them. Bridget. (Loolcing ruefully down at her "best dress," shakes her head sadly) All roight. mnm. (Exit Bridget) ( K titer Bridget, hringing in the ctiairs ivitJi a mighty clatter. She falls over one; humps another against Mrs. Montgomery, and raises general havoc. SJie finally gets the chairs in, hut is so clumsy that Mrs. Montgomery finally does all tlie work of arranging them, tvhile Bridget, arms akimbo, ivatches her do it all.) Mrs. M. {Arranging the chairs) - Yon see, 18 THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. Bridget, one chair should go here — another one here — one here, and so on. Yon may finish. (Exit Mrs. Montgomery) Bridget. (Standing in the middle of the floor for a minute) Sez the missns, ' Look all over the house, as you go through a room. (She cranes her neck, and then .w,atches a chair from its place and puts it hack again) Ivcrijthing's got a place — put it in it! ' (Exit Bridget) {The door hell rings. Bridget rw'i at the two women as they greet each otlier.) Mrs. M. (To Miss Votine) How do you do. Miss Votine. (To Bridget in an underlone) Yon may go. Bridget. (Smiling broadly) Eh? Mrs. M. (Emphatically) You may go, Bridget. Bridget. All roight. Miss A^ot'INE. [Witli a crisp, sharp manner of speech) Am I the first one here? (Mrs. Mont- gomery nods affirmatively) Well,.! believe in being ])rompt. Bather an hour ahead of tlie time than a minute after it is viy motto. Mrs. M. (Oraciously) Some one has to be first you know. Miss Votine, and T am very glad to see you, I am sure. Won't you sit down ? Miss Votine. Thank you. (They both sit down.) Mrs. M. Have you had a pleasant summer? Miss V. Oh, yes, very, I liave attended three women's sulfrage conventions; liave marched in two parades; have given fonr lectures — and then, I spent M. week in the country — wliere I gave a series of talks in tlie town liall. THE TKIALS OF A HOSTESS. 19 Mrs. M. But when do you rest? Miss V. (Sharply) Rest? Why should I rest? How can I waste time resting when there is so much to be done? The time for women to act is notu. The noiv is all we have— and I should be ashamed to dally by the wayside enjoying myself! Oh, no, I must be busy! If every one were as interested in woman's suffrage as I am, no one would rest until woman was handed the ballot! Mrs. M. (Meekly) Oh! (The door hell rings. Like a shot Bridget phinges through the room, and heading the line, ushers in several members of the present Mrs. Warbler. (A good vocal number is to he introduced here.) Mrs. M. And now the last number on the program {Hastily as Miss Acribel looJcs injured at being last) but I hasten to say no/ the least wil]^ be an original poem by Miss Acribel. Miss zVcribel! 26 THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. (Miss Acribel rises droopingly, and with man if sighs and groans, and in the most dismaJ tone, reads (or recites) the following poem.) WHAT'S THE USE? Oh, what is the use of being gay, When sadness is hirking near? And what is the use of a smiling face. While the eye can shed a tear? Oh. why should we praise the rose that blows. And speak of its matchless charm? We view the blossom with pleasure, 'tis true. But we view the thorn with alarm ! Oh, Where's the good in a song-bird's note. ^A^len the croak of the frog rasps out. And where is the joy in a summer rain. When there's always a chance of a drought? Oh, what if the sky above is blue. It might just as well be green, For think of the days when the dark clouds come. And the blue of the sky can't be seen ! And, where's the thrill in a star-tilled sky. When the danger is so inmiense ! Each star might turn to a comet some day. And dash us from hither to hence ! ! Oh, what's the use of youth's bright days. When old age comes on a-pace And, what of the goal you may liavc won. When you've had to run the race ! Oh, what is the use of you, or me, Or of anyone here, or there And what is the use of this, or that Or of anything, anywhere! ! ! THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 27 {Everi/hody sighs, a^s Miss Aceibel finishes this ''ivail") Mks. M. And now. our program is finished — and I am sure we liave all enjoyed it very much. All in favor of adjournino- to talk and have refreshments will please say " aye." {This time the vole Is unanimous, A buzz of con- versation starts. Mrs. Montgomery haves the room and returns immediately with Bridget, whom, she instructs to carry off the extra chairs.) Mrs. M. {To Bridget) Please take off the extra v-hairs, Bridoet. Bridget. All roi^^ht, mum. (Bridget rushes in among the guests, and approaches Mrs. De Vausney, irho is chatting with Mrs. Erric. Bridget to Mrs. De Votike) Wud yez moind gittin' up? ( Mrs. De Vausney is disgusted, and takes very little jyains to hide it.) Mrs. De Y. (To Mrs. Erric) That's the worst of servants ! My butler is so stupid I have given up hopes of ever teaching him anything! ( General conversation. Different groups form. Mrs. Montgomery talks io Mrs. De Vausney — Mrs. Erric turns and talks to Mrs. Jones, Miss Votine holds forth to the Secretary and Treas- urer, etc. Above the general conversation is heard these bursts:) Mrs. E. But T tell Joe that a woman's work is never done ! Miss V. (Oratorically) I tell you, if the women would only unite and get the vote Mrs. M. (Who has left Mrs. De Vausney a7id 28 THE TRIALS OF A HOSTPJSS. lias taken the center of the stage, says in an aside) Oh, if she will 07ily behave until they are _2:one. {Enter Bridget with a tray full of dishes. She trips and falls, hreaking the dishes icitli a great noise.) Bridget. (Half in tears) Bad cess to these parties, aiinyway. The\' make me so ner\ous, they do, that me hand shakes i very thing roight ont u\ it. Why can't they ^o home and lave me a little rist and quiet loike ! (.l.s- Bridget falls Mrs. Erhic, irho is the only one lu give Bridget anything but angry looks, starts to pick up the prostrate girl, Jiesitates, and finally her kindness of Jieart overcomes lier desire to act like Mrs. De A^ausxey, and she goes over and helps Bridget arise. Bridget, orercouic by this one act of kindness, gives vent to her tears, and goes off the stage howling. Quiet is finally restored, and then couics the departure of tlie guests. ) Mrs. Erric. {Coming u/i to Mrs. Montgomery in a flutter) I told Joe that 1 would be home early, so 1 jnust go now. T tell you, this afternoon was almost worth leaving my housework for — and if the baby is all right when I get home, I'll feel that the meeting wasn't a waste of time after all. (Jood-bye. Mrs. M. (lood-bye. (Mlfs. Dk \'al'SN"EY is the ncit to leave. Slie ap- proaches her lioslcss irith many airs.) Mrs. 1)e \'. {Sliaking liands affectedly) (Good- bye, Mrs. Moutgomery. A I'eally deliglitful time. {Patronizingly) Now. souie afternoou. if I cau spare tbe time from my luany social duties, and the ear is nimiim'' all riu'bt. and the cbnulVeur lias iiothimi- THE TKIALS OF A HOSTESS. 29 else to do, I'll come down and take you for a little spin throng] 1 the Park. Mrs. M. (Sarcastically) I am sure that is most kijid of yon. (Some of the ^' stipes *' depart here, and make their adieux in undertones.) Miss Aciubel. (Dismally) It could have been worse, conldn't it? Of eonrse, we can't expect to have meetings like real clubs, but I suppose there are some that don't have as good meetings as ours, so we can be comfoi-fed. (Anxioush)) Do yon think it will rain before 1 get home? Mrs. M. Why, T am sure it won't. We had a beautiful sunset. Miss A. Oh, I know — but you never can tell how quickly the storm clouds will gather. The sun may be shining one minute — but it may be raining the next ! Mrs. M. Well, I hope you will get home all right tliis time. Good-bye. (The rest of the " supes/' and the Secretary and Treasurer, also the pianist and soloist depart here.) Miss Y. Well, good-bye, Mrs. Montgomery. 1 hope my talk this afternoon will prove good seed in good ground — and that the results may be as the sands of the seashore. If you would like any further information on the subject of Equal Suffrage, just let me know and I will come down and talk it over De Vausney) Wud yez moind gittin' up? with you. Why, T could talk a ic^eek without stop- ping. Good-bye. (When the last one finally goes, Mrs. Montgomery drops into a chair, completely exhausted. Enter 30 THE TKIALS OF A HOSTESS. Bridget. She flops down in a chair, imiuitat- ing Mrs. Montgomery.) Bridget. (With great inter ed) Did t/ez loike i/er party ? QUICK CURTAIN. ACT III. Scene : — The same. Time: — An hour later. Sc^ENK: — Witti the rise of the curtain, Bridget is discovered " straigtitening " up the room. She ' dusts the most ridiculous places. Her duster is long and narrow, iler ivorl' grows slower and sloiver until she fin>ally ceases altogether. Bridget. {Soliloquizing) So thot^s a Club? P»egobs, Oi AAOiider if they do thot for a good toime. or only because there's nothing ilse around handy- loike fer thim to do ! Oi wonder wot they would do with a rale toinie, loike a good, rolliekin' dance on the Green, or a picnic in the woods where iyerybody sits down conifortai)le-loike whin they eat, instid o' stlumdin' around in comers^ seein' how long they can hold a cup an' saucer; a sandwich ; a napkin; a cake; a candy: and some nuts widout a-sphillin' anny of ihim? Xo wonder Oi dhropped thot tray! Oi guess Oi had to do it to save some o' thim the throuble (>' doin' it thimsilves. {Thouglilfully) But Oi'm sorry Oi sphilt thot tray, Oi am. Oi wonder wot the Hiissus'll be a-sayin' to me fer a-smashin' of her dislu'S. Oh, well, it's not me thot meant to do it. THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. 3] How did Oi know the rug was goin' to jump up and ketch me toe ! (She tvalks slowly up and down tJie room — and then a thought strikes her. Lifting an imaginanj lorgnette to her eyes, she imitates Mrs. De Vausney) Oi wonder why thot woman car- ried her specs on a sthick? {She arranges her duster for a train, and swishes up and down in imitation of Mrs. De Vausney) Oh, yis, me butler, me baker and me candle-stick-maker are out playin' tag wid the cook, and the chambermaid, and the dogcatcher — and iverybo^dy ilse Oi own. {She arranges her train as she turns — and adjusts her " lorgnette "") Oi got a orter- raobile, and Oi own the mon wot runs it — and if ye donH believe Oi've got anny more servants than Oi can think uv all at wance, jist come around some day, and if Oi can't think uv annything OiM rather do, Oi'll sit me down fer a minute or two, and tell ye about the rist. (Bridget suddenly remembers thai she was supposed to he ivorhing, and hegins to dust vigorously. The 'phone hell rings. Bridget waving her hand at the 'phone) Kape sthill, you bell — don't you know the Missus had a Club here to-day, and ithot she's all heat up? {The hell rings again — and Bridget's voice is louder) Kape sthill there — Oi'm afther a-tellin' ye thot the missus is shleepin' and ye'll be a-wakin' uv her. {She screams at the ringing 'phone) So ye won't kape sthill, eh? Well, it's not me thot's goin' to have a little bell a-talkin' back at me. Kape sthill!!! {She starts for the 'phone) {Enter Mrs. Montgomery, in a lounging rohc.) Mrs. M. {Wearily) What is the matter, Bridget? Bridget. Oh, mum, it's the little hell wot's gone and woke ye up. Oi tould it, it would be afther a-doin' it! Mrs. M. {Answering the 'phone) Hello I What's that? The wrong* number ? {With a sigh) All right. {Turning to Bridget) N'ow, Bridget, 32 THE TRIALS OF A HOSTESS. I am going" to lie down again for a few minutes. I am very tired, so please get the room in order and quickly and as quietly as possible. (Exit Mrs. Montgomery, walHru/ very doivly) (Bridget star fa her ivork again, hut soon her ihmights get the hetter of her, and she worhs slower and slower — and then stops altogether.) Bridget. {Groaning prodigiously in iniitation of Miss xicRisEL) Me name is Bridget — hut' ivliat's the use! Me hair is red and Oi know it — hut it'hafs the use! Oirland is in wan place — and Americy ainf — hut ivhat's the use! (She stares into racancy for a minute, and then putting her duster around her^ the way Miss Yotine wore her '' Votes for Women '' insignia, she iniitates Miss A'otixe. Bridget as she arranges the duster) Oi wonder wot tliot woman wanted with a vote. {[laving arranged the duster, she looks down at it in a satisfied manner, and spelts out the ivords) Yotes — for — Women! (Oratorical ty) Why sliouldn't the women vsuffer equal wid the men? They would if they knew the price of — mucilage! Wliy don't they know it? Votes for Women! \'otes for Women would keep a sthamp on a letter, so it's a sthicker ! Votes for Women would keep a housemaid, so it's a help to trouble ! Votes for Women borrows yer neighbor's book and tears it. Oi liaven't got anny vote, and tliot's the only reason Oi want it! (Hhe ]nounts to a chair) Votes fer Women ! ^ Azotes fer Chauifeurs, t'er Waitresses, fer Butlers, fer — wofs the use — as 01 tell Joe — me name is Bridget O'Flinnigin! ! ! (She males an elahoraie hotv — and just in the middle of it, Mrs. Montgomkry walks into the room and stopm aghast. Bridget half stops her how. and then finisJies it — to Mrs. Montgomery) FINAL ( UETAIX. HER LORD AND MASTER. A Comedy in Three Acts, by Martha Morton. Six males, five females. Costumes modern. One interior and one exterior scene. Plays a full evening. Miss Morton has furnished the stag-e with some very entertainiiitr comedies, and this is one of her best- Tlie plot concerns the marriag'e of an American grirl to an English Viscount. In the original produc- tion Miss EfRe Shannon played the girl and Mr. Herbert Kelcey played the Viscount. Price, 50 cents. A BACHELOR'S ROMANCE. A Comedy in Four Acts, by Martha Morton. Seven males, four females. Costumes modern. Three interior scenes. Plays a full evening. This is the celebrated comedy produced by Mr. Sol Smith Russell for so many years with great success. Mr. Russell played the part of David Holmes, a Quaint, odd character. He Is a bachelor, country editor and literary critic, so absorbed in his work that the outside world has little interest for him. In fact, he has even overlooked the circumstance that his ward, Sylvia, who lives with a maiden aunt, has outgrown childhood, and he still sends her dolls and other to.vs as presents. When, however, this oversight is made clear to him by the arrival of the young woman herself a change comes over his life. The critical sanctum grows too narrow for him and his Interest in her leads him out into the world. And now the man who has lived in a woi-ld of the mind learns that there is a world of the heart, for he comes to regard his charming ward with feelings more tender than those of fatherly inter- est. But his sense of honor forbids him to disclose these. Nor does he Imagine for a moment that she, chai'ming girl, could become lutere.sted in him. a crusty old bachelor. At last, however, an attempt on his part to arrange a suitable marriage for her leads to the disclosure that she loves him. Miss Annie Russell played Sylvia in tlie original New York production. Price, 50 cents. NIOBE. A Fantastic Comedy in Three Acts. Five males, seven females. The comedy by Harry and Edward Paulton is peculiarly suited to the use of schools and colleges, containing as it does much humor, only fully appi'eciated by those in the course of their classical studies. The play bristles with allusions mythological and historical, wliich only serve to set oflE the excessive modernity of the work as a whole. The story concerns itself with the revivification of the statue of N lobe, who was turned into stone by Phoebus and Artemis, who wearied of her incessant tears for her lost children. The statue is in the keeping of Peter Amos Dunn, an insurance broker, and comes to life while his family are at tlie theatre seeing Pygmalion and Galatea, Hopeless of convincing his wife of the truth of the story of the statue's animation, he introduces Nlobe as the new governess they are expect- ing and the situation thus set up is the beginning of many perplexities and endless laughter. Niobe is what is known as a sure-fire laugh pro- ducer and contains many good almost self-acting parts^ — that of Niobe being especially effective with its combination of queenly majesty and naivete in the midst of her modern surroundings. Price, 50 cents. THE SUPERIOR HISS PELLENDER. An original comedy in three acts, by Sidney Bowkett. 2 males, 4 females. Costumes modern. I exterior, 1 interior scene. Time, 2 hours. A gentle, amiable widow-mother is Mrs. Pellender. Each member of her family is strongly characteristic. Edith, a malade imaginalre; Nancy, a tom-boy; Noel, a mischievous youth; and the superior Miss Pellender, as crisp as a biscuit, sharp as a knife, and the terror of the family. The mother falls in love with a diffident gentleman named Tlster. but to break the news to her unsparing child she feels the great- est reluctance. She and her fiance are quite unable to muster sufficient courage to "confess," and, in ultimate desperation, they elope, leaving a note behind explaining. This Is a clever, high-class comedy, particularly suited to production by girls' schools and colleges, and it should prove a great success wher- ever produced. It was originally produced at The Playhouse. London, with Mr. Cyril Maude in the role of Mr. Tister. Price, 50 cents. These plays are subject to royalty when produced. Our 124 Page Catalogue Sent Free on Application. JUST P7 *«WKn CONGRESS 9» "STRONG WILLIAM C. de MILLE'S GRI M§SIIIMBIBMB>III!I>