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 THE RELAPSE 
 OF WILLIAM 
 
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 Vhe RELAPSE 
 of WILLIAM 
 
 A COMEDY IN ONE ACT 
 
 Bsf ROLAND MOLINEUX 
 
 1910 
 
 THE HOBSON PRINTING COMPANY 
 
 EASTON. PA. 
 
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 ^^11 
 
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 :C4 
 
 Copyright 
 
 Roi;and Mownkux 
 
 1910 
 
 @G!.D 20837^ 
 
DRAMATIS PERSONAE 
 
 Mr. Harry Norwood 
 
 W11.1.1AM 
 
 Mrs. Kate Norwood 
 
 SET SCENE 
 
 The home of Mr. and Mrs. Norwood, New York City. 
 A dining-room richly and tastefully furnished. Doors right 
 and centre. Sideboard with silver service at left. 
 
 Time: Evening. 
 
The RELAPSE of WILLIAM 
 
 Discovered: Mr, Harry Norwood, a gentleman approaching 
 middle age, is seated alone at dining table which is cleared, 
 with the exception of after dinner coffee. Mr. Norwood is 
 smoking a cigar and turning over the pages of his evening 
 paper. A short scene of business only to show that Harry 
 is at home and that he is very comfortable. 
 
 Enter William : He is greatly agitated and unhappy. William 
 is a small man of about sixty-five with a face zvhich indicates 
 one who has suffered greatly. He walks in a characteristic 
 manner, which is almost furtive. There are to be gradations 
 in the development of William's character; at first, we see 
 in him only an old fool; then he wins our respect and at last 
 we love him. William is to be garrulous and slightly deaf. 
 All his mistakes are prompted by kindness of heart. He is 
 entirely ignorant of the zvays and moods of such women as 
 Mrs. Norwood; to him, his master's bride is a strange and 
 wonderful object of adoration, but she fails at first to under- 
 stand William. 
 
 William 
 [Speaking in almost a whisper and looking at door] 
 Master Harry. 
 
 Harry 
 [Indifferently and reading paper} 
 Well, William? 
 
 William 
 
 [Brokenly] 
 Master Harry. 
 
THE RELAPSE 
 
 Harry notices distress in Wil- 
 LiAM^s voice and turns to him. 
 
 Harry 
 What's the matter, WilHam? 
 
 William 
 [Very earnestly] 
 The missus is angry, Master Harry. She's very angry. 
 
 Harry 
 [Returning to his paper] 
 About what? 
 
 William 
 At me, sir. 
 
 Harry 
 Nonsense ! 
 
 William 
 [With emotion] 
 She don't want me here any more; she's told me to find another 
 place. I 
 
 Harry 
 [Surprised and putting down his paper] 
 Why, my wife hasn't found out anything, has she? 
 
 William 
 [Garrulously] 
 A woman knows without ''finding out," Master Harry. The 
 missus distrusts me and she's given me my notice, Master 
 Harry; she's given-,me my notice. 
 
 Harry 
 When did she do that, WilHam? 
 
 William 
 Just now, right after dinner. 
 
 Harry 
 Sure you didn't misunderstand her? 
 
OF WILLIAM 
 
 William goes to the sideboard 
 and arranges the silver, which he 
 handles lovingly, 
 
 William 
 [Sadly] 
 Oh, I heard her, Master Harry ; she told me to go away. 
 
 Harry 
 Now, now, William, remember she's a little bride — maybe she*s 
 nervous or a bit homesick, or something like that. We must 
 make her happy. 
 
 William 
 I've tried so hard to please her, but she doesn't like me, Master 
 Harry — she doesn't like me. 
 
 [Door closes off stage.] 
 Harry 
 [Confidently] 
 
 Humor her, William ! Humor her ! I'll show you ! 
 [Enter Kate] 
 
 Mrs. Kate Norwood is a young 
 bride; very lovely but unreasonable 
 
 Harry 
 [Pleasantly] 
 
 What's this about William, Kate? 
 
 Kate 
 That will do, William. [William does not hear her] 
 
 [Louder] 
 That will do, William! Do leave the silver alone for a moment! 
 
 William 
 Yes **mum." 
 
 Kate 
 [Wearily] 
 Please — please stop calling me *'mum !" 
 
 William 
 
 Beg pardon, "ma'am" — no — *'mum" — I mean 
 
 [Stops helplessly] 
 
THE RELAPSE 
 
 Harry notices Kate's glance of 
 despair. 
 
 Harry 
 [Sternly, but with a look at William] 
 Yes, William, you must really remember it's "madam" — 
 ''madam/' 
 
 William 
 [Miserably] 
 I know — I know, Master Harry; I'll remember — I'll remember. 
 
 [Exit William] 
 
 Harry 
 William tells me that you have given him notice. 
 
 Kate 
 [Sweetly] 
 I'm sorry I had to, Harry ; but you see, we really must get rid of 
 him. 
 
 Harry 
 
 But why, Kate? 
 
 Kate 
 Don't you see, my dear, that he's absolutely impossible? 
 
 Harry 
 But you might have consulted me, Kate; William has been with 
 me for years and years. 
 
 Kate 
 [Seriously] 
 Oh, he was all very^well to wait on you as a bachelor, but now 
 we ought to have a butler, in livery, with our monogram on 
 the buttons. 
 
 H a r r y 
 [Surpj'ised] 
 Good Lord ! 
 
 Kate 
 [Reprovingly] 
 Harry ! 
 
OF WILLIAM 
 
 Harry 
 Very well, Kate dear; William can wear a livery if you insist 
 on it. 
 
 Kate 
 [Laughing] 
 William in a livery! It would only make him more ridiculous 
 than he is! No, William will not do at all, and you know it! 
 Why, he'd make a perfect show of us when we begin to 
 entertain ! 
 
 Harry 
 [Conciliatingly] 
 Now, you don't want to turn the old fellow into the street? 
 
 Kate 
 Why, he could get something else to do — something he could do. 
 Oh, I've got a splendid idea ! 
 
 Harry 
 Good! What is it? 
 
 Kate 
 Take WilHam in your office! Make him your bookkeeper! 
 
 Harry 
 [Laughs] 
 My dear ! He's had no training for that position. 
 
 Kate 
 Make him a porter, then. 
 
 Harry 
 He's too old. 
 
 Kate 
 Pension him; send him to some home — some charity. 
 
 Harry 
 [Seriously] 
 Oh ! that would break his heart ! 
 
 Kate 
 [Pouting and a trifle suspicious] 
 Why are you always so frightfully considerate of William ? 
 
THE RELAPSE 
 
 Harry 
 Well, Fm fond of him. 
 
 Kate 
 [Breaking out] 
 That's just it, you've spoiled him! He doesn't know his place. 
 He considers himself one of the family ! 
 
 Harry 
 I haven't noticed it. 
 
 Kate 
 Well, I have. He's altogether too famiHar; I'm tired of listening 
 to his eternal chatter! 
 
 Harry 
 Don't you appreciate that it's his kindness of heart? He's only 
 trying to entertain you. 
 
 Kate 
 Entertain me ! 
 
 [Imitating William] 
 "You'd better sit over here at the window by the light, mum. 
 
 Don't you feel a draft, mum? This chair by the fire is more 
 
 comfortable." 
 
 Harry 
 He thinks he must tak^ care of you, Kate. 
 
 Kate 
 
 And he's forever at the sideboard polishing and mumbhng over 
 
 our silver. 
 
 -» 
 Harry 
 
 That silver is the apple of his eye. 
 
 Kate 
 [Suddenly] 
 Why? 
 
 Harry 
 [After a pause] 
 Because he's in charge of it, I suppose. 
 
OF WILLIAM 
 
 Kate 
 [Becoming excited] 
 No! 
 
 Harry 
 [Anxiously] 
 Kate! What's the matter? 
 
 Kate 
 There's something about him! I can't explain it, but I feel it! 
 And he's forever watching me ! 
 
 Harry 
 [Soothingly] 
 Kate! Kate! 
 
 Kate 
 Sometimes I look up — William is there! 
 
 Harry 
 Well? 
 
 Kate 
 But I do not hear him enter the room. Who is he? What did 
 he do before he came to you? 
 
 Harry 
 What difference does that make, now, Kate? 
 
 Kate 
 Why do you make such a mystery about him? 
 
 Harry 
 There's no mystery at all. 
 
 Kate 
 He's no butler, and he's never been a butler! I know it by the 
 way he talks. 
 
 Harry 
 Just give him time ; he'll learn his duties perfectly. 
 
 Kate 
 [Sitting on the arm of Harry's chair] 
 Harry, dear, don't you think I'm competent to manage the house- 
 hold? 
 
THE RELAPSE 
 
 Harry 
 [Soothingly] 
 Of course you are! Of course you are, Kate! 
 
 Kate 
 Before we were married you said that everything here should be 
 as I wished it; didn't you? 
 
 Harry 
 I did. 
 
 Kate 
 That I could have my own way about the house. 
 
 Harry 
 Yes, dear. 
 
 Kate jumps up and rings bell. 
 But to-night you're tired and nervous; rest — sleep over it! Wait 
 till to-morrow, then you'll see the whole matter in a different 
 light. 
 [Enter William] 
 
 Kate 
 William, I gave you notice this afternoon ; I want you to go now 
 do you understand me? 
 
 William 
 [With hand to ear] 
 Yes, mum; what is it? 
 
 Kate 
 [Screaming] 
 Pack up your things I 
 
 William 
 [Looking appealingly at Harry] 
 Yes, mum. 
 
 Harry 
 Wait, Kate! 
 
 Kate 
 I'm tired of screaming at him. 
 
OF WILLIAM 
 
 Harry 
 [Firmly] 
 But I can't do it, Kate ! 
 
 Kate 
 [Surprised] 
 "Can't!" What do you mean — "can't?" Do you mean to say 
 that William is to remain, after I have discharged him? 
 
 William polishes the silv&r ex- 
 citedly. 
 
 Harry 
 That's what I mean, Kate. 
 
 Kate 
 [Angrily] 
 You won't let me dismiss him? 
 
 Harry 
 Why, Kate, is this going to be our first quarrel? 
 
 Kate 
 [Furiously] 
 It's your fault! You began it! You humiliate your wife like 
 this in the presence of a servant ! 
 
 Harry 
 Now, don't destroy the honeymoon ; it's to last forever, you know. 
 Let's drop, the subject. We'll go to the theater. 
 
 Kate 
 No, I don't care to go I ^ 
 
 Harry 
 Please, Kate. 
 
 Kate 
 No! 
 
 Harry 
 
 [Getting his hat and coat] 
 
 Then I'll look in at the Club. 
 
 . [Exit Kate in a temper] 
 
 Business for William helping on 
 with coat. 
 
THE RELAPSE 
 
 William 
 Is she "hep" to me, Master Harry? 
 
 Harry 
 No, if she knew anything she'd have mentioned it, William. 
 Everything will be all right, she'll get over it. 
 
 [Exit Harry, cool and master- 
 ful] 
 William, greatly troubled, re- 
 turns to the silver, 
 [Enter Kate, hastily] 
 
 Kate 
 [Excitedly] 
 William, my trunk ! 
 
 William 
 [Aghast] 
 Trunk ? 
 
 Kate 
 
 [Speaking louder] 
 No, my dress-suit case ! 
 
 William 
 [Pretending to be stupid] 
 But, mum 
 
 Kate 
 "Mum!" My — dress-suit — case! Get it at once! And my 
 
 valise 
 
 William hesitates 
 They are in the hall closet. 
 
 [Looking at watch] 
 And hurry, I've just time to catch my train. 
 
 William 
 [Looking at clock] 
 Did you say "train," mum? What time does it go? 
 
 Kate 
 Never mind I 
 
 [Exit William, slowly] 
 
 10 
 
OF WILLIAM 
 
 Kate brings in clothes from next 
 room. 
 [Re-enter William zmth dress-suit case and valise. 
 
 William 
 [With assumed stupidity] 
 Were you thinking of making a visit, mum? 
 
 Kate 
 I don't care to discuss the matter with you. 
 
 Kate packs her clothes in dress- 
 suit case. 
 
 William 
 [Trying again] 
 But surely you won't stay long, will you ? 
 
 Kate 
 Telephone for a cab ! 
 
 Business for Kate_, selecting pair 
 of gloves which she intends to 
 wear. She lays them on table. 
 Business for William, at 'phone. 
 
 William 
 Give me Grammercy 6223. 
 
 Kate 
 [Suspiciously] 
 The Club ! 
 
 William 
 Master Harry always gets his cabs there. "Hello, is Mr. Nor- 
 wood there?" 
 
 Kate 
 [Taking receiver away] 
 No, you don't! 
 
 William 
 Oh, isn't Master Harry going with you ? 
 
 11 
 
THE RELAPSE 
 
 Kate 
 [At 'phone, during which William stealthily unpacks the 
 dress-suit case] 
 "Hello ! No, I do not want to talk to Mr. Norwood ; I want you 
 to send a cab to his house at once! You know the address? 
 All right, thank you !" 
 
 Kate 
 [To William, sarcastically] 
 There ! 
 
 Kate goes to door of her room 
 and points off stage. 
 See those hat boxes on the shelf ? Go and get them. 
 
 [Exit William into other roomi 
 
 Kate 
 
 [Directing him] 
 Stand on the chair ! Not that one ! The large white box ! No ! 
 
 Yes, and the other — the blue one — bring them here ! 
 IRe-enter William with two hat boxes.] 
 
 William 
 Are these the ones? 
 
 Kate selects the hat in blue box. 
 
 Kate 
 [Handing white box to William] 
 Put it back on the shelf and hurry up ! 
 
 William 
 Yes, mum. 
 
 Kate brings in toilet articles and 
 jewelry. While doing so, William 
 changes the hats in the blue and 
 white boxes; he leaves the wrong 
 hat in the blue box, taking the 
 right one in the white box. 
 
 Re-enter William ; he watches 
 Kate pack her toilet articles and 
 jewelry in the valise. 
 
 12 
 
OF WILLIAM 
 
 William 
 [Comments pathetically as she places articles in valise] 
 
 Wedding present from Master Harry's best man 
 
 "Gift of the groom" 
 
 Kate zvatches William out of 
 corner of her eyes and then turns 
 and discovers the unpacked dress- 
 suit case. She repacks it with dis- 
 play of temper. 
 
 Kate 
 [Going to hat box] 
 Now ! 
 
 Kate finds the wrong hat 
 [Completely out of patience'] 
 William, you did that on purpose ! 
 
 William 
 I'm very sorrow, mum; shall I get the other one? 
 
 Kate 
 No, I'll get it myself ; you're only trying to delay me. 
 
 [Exit Kate] 
 William hides her gloves in the 
 dress-suit case. 
 
 Re-enter Kate with hat and fur 
 coat. Business for Kate at look- 
 ing-glass putting on her hat. 
 
 William 
 [With consternation] 
 You're not really going ! You can't be in earnest ! 
 
 Kate 
 You'll see whether I am or not. 
 
 William 
 But at least wait till to-morrow. 
 
 Kate 
 [Speaking to herself] 
 Not much ! 
 
 13 
 
THE RELAPSE 
 
 William 
 Oh, but you'll wait and say good-bye to Master Harry, won't 
 you? It is a dreadful thing to leave your husband this way — 
 so sudden like. You're surely going to write him a letter and 
 tell him where you've gone? 
 
 K x\ T E 
 
 I'll give you the pleasure of letting him know that I've gone home. 
 
 During the preceding William 
 has possessed himself of Kate's 
 fur coat. Business for William 
 zvith coat, very slowly. Trying to 
 gain time and looking at clock. 
 
 Kate 
 My coat, William. 
 
 William 
 What a beauty! Master Harry gave you this, didn't he? You 
 wore it yesterday morning and he and I watched you from the 
 window ; you certainly looked very well in it, mum ; you looked 
 very well, indeed ! Wasn't we proud and happy ! 
 
 Kate snatches coat and puts it on 
 without his assistance! 
 
 William 
 [Pleading very sincerely while she puts on her coat] 
 I know I'm only a servant, mum, but if you go away you'll regret 
 it all the rest of your life. Don't you remember that you prom- 
 ised to love, honor and obey your husband. Yes, you're break- 
 ing your promise, [earnestly] and a promise is an awful thing. 
 Not that I don't mean a Httle disagreement now and then is 
 all right, because the making up — the making up — is the sweet- 
 est part of all. 
 
 Kate 
 [Looking around and speaking to herself] 
 Where are my gloves? 
 
 William 
 [While they look for gloves] 
 I'll look for them, mum. Suppose something happened to him — 
 
 14 
 
OF WILLIAM 
 
 taken sick, or an accident — a cruel, heart-rending, pitiful acci- 
 dent! 
 [A pause] 
 What will Master Harry do without you? What's to become of 
 him after you're gone ? 
 
 Kate 
 [Sarcastically] 
 He'll have you to entertain him. Now, William, where are my 
 gloves ! 
 
 Kate at last opens dress-suit case 
 and finds her gloves, which she puts 
 on. 
 See if the carriage has come. 
 
 William 
 [At window] 
 No, mum. 
 
 Kate 
 [Running to window] 
 It has ; I heard it ! Where's my purse ! My purse ! 
 
 [Picks up gold purse which William watches eagerly] 
 Ah ! Here i<- is ! Now bring that bag downstairs. 
 
 William takes the dress-suit 
 case and stands still. Kate goes to 
 door. 
 
 William 
 [As KIate is about to exit] 
 Wait! Wait! Mrs. Norwood, you've forgotten something! 
 
 William snatches up large pho- 
 tograph of Harry and rushing 
 over to Kate holds it in front of 
 her face. 
 [With great emotion'] 
 Oh, look at this, mum ! You'll take it with you, won't you ? 
 
 During the following he picks her 
 pocket. 
 
 15 
 
THE RELAPSE 
 
 This can easily be done by means 
 of a duplicate purse which Wil- 
 liam conceals in his hand and 
 passes it quickly over her pocket 
 and then shows it in his hand be- 
 fore putting into his own pocket. 
 He adores you. Yes, and you love him — I know you do. Every 
 one loves Master Harry. [Very earnestly] I knoiv you love 
 him, mum, and if he could walk right in here now, everything 
 would be forgiven and forgotten! 
 
 Kate 
 Stop talking and bring that bag ! 
 
 William replaces the photo- 
 graph sorrowfully. 
 
 Kate 
 Hurry up ! 
 
 [Feeling her pocket] 
 Oh, wait a minute ! 
 
 Kate discovers the loss of her 
 purse. 
 
 William 
 Yes, mum ; what is it ? 
 
 Kate 
 
 [Eyeing William suspiciously] 
 My purse — my gold purse ! 
 
 William 
 [Feigning surprise]' 
 Yes, mum? 
 
 Kate 
 Where did I put that ? 
 
 William 
 Shall I look for it, mum? 
 
 William pretends to assist 
 Kate in her search for the purse. 
 IVe see his satisfaction at having 
 accomplished his purpose. 
 
 16 
 
!BCa»ljr2aBCL"Z!3nX«!e&r.!tESi2im!22KZ 
 
 OF WILLIAM 
 
 Kate 
 [Looking around excitedly] 
 I don't see it anywhere! 
 [Enter Harry] 
 
 Kate 
 [Startled] 
 Oh! 
 
 WiLLiAM^s joy at seeing his mas- 
 ter appear is apparent. He moves 
 a chair so as to conceal Kate's 
 baggage^ 
 
 Harry 
 [Surprised at the disordered room] 
 What's the matter? 
 
 William 
 [Hesitatingly] 
 She's lost her pocketbook, Master Harry. We've been looking 
 for it everywhere. 
 
 Harry 
 [Looking around] 
 I should say you had ! 
 
 Kate 
 [Suddenly] 
 It's not lost! 
 
 Harry 
 Where is it? 
 
 Kate 
 Your friend William has it ! 
 
 William manifests embarrass- 
 ment. 
 Harry 
 [Astonished] 
 William ? Impossible ! 
 
 Kate 
 I saw it right here a moment ago and now it's gone ! No one 
 could have taken it but William ! 
 
 17 
 
THE RELAPSE 
 
 Harry 
 But why should he take it? 
 
 Kate 
 For spite ! Because I wanted him discharged ! 
 
 Harry 
 William, have you Mrs. Norwood's purse? 
 
 William 
 No, Master Harry. 
 
 Kate 
 Search him ! 
 
 Harry 
 [Confidently] 
 Kate, I think that's unnecessary. WilHam's word is- 
 
 K a T E 
 [Interrupting him. Going to *phone] 
 If you don't Til call an officer! 
 
 William 
 [In terror] 
 
 Don't do that, Mrs. Norwood ! Don't do that, I beg of you ! 
 
 Harry^s face shows his doubt 
 and astonishment at William's 
 fright. 
 
 Kate 
 [In triumph] 
 I thought so! [To Harry] Now, are you satisfied? 
 
 Harry 
 [Very seriously] -» 
 William, I'm going to search you. 
 
 William 
 Yes, Master Harry. 
 
 Harry 
 And you know the reason why. 
 
 William 
 Yes, sir; I do. 
 
 18 
 
OF WILLIAM 
 
 Harry searches William; the 
 purse is not found on him; the very 
 pocket into which we have seen him 
 put it is turned inside out, but it is 
 not there. 
 
 Harry 
 [Angrily to Kate] 
 Now, see what you've made me do! [To William] William, 
 I apologize ! 
 
 Kate 
 [With scorn] 
 Apologize ! Apologize ! 
 
 Harry 
 [To Kate] 
 Yes; for the injustice I've done him. 
 
 Kate 
 [Excitedly] 
 No ; you beg his pardon because you're afraid of him ! 
 
 William 
 Oh, Mrs. Norwood ; let me explain 
 
 Harry 
 [Interrupting William] 
 I believe you accused William of this thing simply because you 
 don't like him; you hoped to get rid of him by this unjust 
 accusation ! 
 
 Kate 
 And you don't discharge him because you don't dare do it ! This 
 man has some hold upon you ! There is something between you 
 two — something you want concealed ! 
 
 Harry and William look at 
 each other 
 
 Harry 
 Nothing discreditable; won't you take my word for it, Kate? 
 
 Kate 
 No ; I insist on knowing ! 
 
 19 
 
THE RELAPSE 
 
 Harry 
 Some other time ; when you are more reasonable. 
 
 Kate 
 I'll not live with you another hour with this mystery hanging 
 over me. [With great earnestness] I'm going to leave you! 
 
 She goes to the door; William 
 detains her. 
 Let me alone ! Let me alone ! Don't you dare touch me ! 
 
 William 
 I don't see how you can go, mum ; you haven't any money. You've 
 lost your pocketbook, you know. 
 
 Kate 
 [At door] 
 I'll go, purse or no purse ! . 
 
 Harry 
 This is dreadful ! 
 
 William 
 You'd better tell her, Master Harry. 
 
 Harry 
 She'll send you away. 
 
 William 
 Tell her, Master Harry. 
 
 Harry 
 No! 
 
 William 
 [To Kate, in despair] 
 What do you want to know ? 
 
 Kate 
 I want to know all about your relations with my husband from 
 the beginning ! Where did you get acquainted with him ? 
 
 When William starts his story 
 Kate and Harry are at opposite 
 sides of the room, or at least far 
 apart. 
 
 20 
 
OF WILLIAM 
 
 William 
 It was right here, mum; in this room — at night — on my knees; 
 right over here by the sideboard ! 
 
 William suddenly lifts the cover 
 
 off sideboard, which forms a bag, 
 
 inclosing the silver; he sets it upon 
 
 the floor and kneels beside it. 
 
 And all this .very same silver was piled up on the floor around 
 
 me. This dinner set — these knives and forks — and that spoon 
 
 — see the bend in the handle? That's how I knew the stuff 
 
 was solid ! I was putting 'em into my bag 
 
 [Business with improvised bag] 
 Heard a noise! 
 
 [Springing up] 
 Closed the slide of my dark lantern — so! 
 
 William pushes an electric but- 
 ton; lights go out. Kate screams 
 and runs and pushes two buttons 
 in her attempt to get light, a button 
 at back of the room by door; one 
 light goes up at sideboard and one 
 in outer hall, which reflects in mir- 
 ror, creating ''spotlight'' effect, dis- 
 closing William, collar turned up, 
 hair pulled over eyes, masked with 
 handkerchief. 
 That's just what happened! The electric lights sprang up and 
 
 I was looking into the barrel of a revolver in the hand of 
 
 Master Harry! 
 
 Kate 
 [Scornfully] 
 I knew it ! You were a thief I 
 
 William 
 [With great dignity] 
 I was a "second-story" man — an "all around crook !" 
 
 21 
 
THE RELAPSE 
 
 Kate 
 [In triumph] 
 And Harry caught you — had you arrested — sent to prison ! 
 
 William 
 [Smiling] 
 No ! He was too good-natured that night to do anything like that. 
 
 Kate 
 [Suspiciously] 
 What do you mean? 
 
 William 
 He was drunk. 
 
 Kate 
 [Astonished] 
 He? Harry? Intoxicated? 
 
 William 
 [Reminiscently] 
 You may say that, mum. He sat over there with his feet on the 
 table ; he said I was a good fellow 
 
 Kate 
 Stop ! Fve heard enough ! 
 
 William 
 [Continuing] 
 He made me sit down and he gave me a cigar — a Perfecto, mum, 
 — and began to read me a lecture about being dishonest. And 
 then I explained to him that his habit meant suffering, miser- 
 able old age, poverty, disgrace; and that it was a thing which 
 had brought many a good man down — down, down to what I 
 was at that time. I proved to him that the only difference 
 between drink and dishonesty is that one is the beginning and 
 the other is the end. 
 
 William pauses, overcome with 
 emotion. 
 
 Kate 
 [Interested] 
 Yes ; go on ! 
 
 22 
 
OF WILLIAM 
 
 William 
 [With great earnestness] 
 
 He made me tell him all about myself, and I told him the truth, 
 mum, and he seemed to understand how, after the law once 
 gets hold of a man there isn't a chance in the world for an 
 honest job! Perhaps you've heard the saying "Once a crook, 
 always a crook." It's pretty nearly true, mum; but it shouldn't 
 be. 
 
 Kate 
 Well ! Well ! What did he do then ? 
 
 William 
 [Proudly] 
 
 Made me his butler! Put me in charge of the very stuff I tried 
 to steal ! 
 
 Kate 
 Of all the absurd things to do. 
 
 William 
 Don't say that, mum ! He gave me a chance to be honest ! No 
 one in the world but Master Harry would have done that. 
 
 Kate 
 But the risk he ran in trusting you ! 
 
 William 
 No risk, mum ; he was perfectly safe, for he made an agreement 
 with me that night. A solemn, binding agreement, mum, and 
 we shook hands on it. 
 
 Kate 
 Now, we're going to get at it ! What was this agreement ? 
 
 William 
 [With great earnestness] 
 
 We swore that he would ''cut out" the liquor after that— that he 
 would never take another drop— and that I should give up 
 being dishonest and that we should live together as long as we 
 kept our pledges. 
 [With pride] 
 
 Then I put him to bed, and I put that silver back where it 
 belonged. 
 
 23 
 
THE RELAPSE 
 
 Kate 
 And you have kept that promise, Harry ? 
 
 Harry 
 Yes ; and so has VVihiam. 
 
 The preceding scene has taken 
 place on a dark stage; only one 
 light shines on William's face. 
 William turns up the lights and 
 we see the effect of his story. Kate 
 is in her husband's arms. No word 
 is spoken, but William's delight is 
 apparent. 
 
 Business for William going to 
 door. 
 
 William 
 [Sadly] 
 Good-bye, mum. 
 
 Harry and Kate 
 [Surprised] 
 WilHam ! 
 
 William 
 I'm leaving. Master Harry. 
 
 Harry 
 No, no, William ! Everything is all right now ! 
 
 William 
 I'm not going to stay and spoil your happiness! 
 I know the missus doesn't like me 
 
 Kate 
 [Interrupting] 
 Yes, I do, William — now ! 
 
 William 
 I've got to go. Master Harry ; there's another reason. 
 
 Harry 
 What is it, Willaim? 
 
 24 
 
OF WILLIAM 
 
 William 
 [Solemnly] 
 I've broken my pledge. 
 
 Harry 
 [With surprise] 
 William ! You did steal her pocketbook ? 
 
 Kate 
 [Suddenly realizing] 
 For me, Harry ; to keep me from leaving you. 
 
 Harry 
 [Astonished] 
 What do you mean, Kate ? 
 
 Kate 
 [Pushing back chair that conceals her baggage] 
 Look, Harry, my things were packed; don't you see that I have 
 my hat and coat on ? Why, all this evening I've been trying to 
 run away from you — and William wouldn't let me. 
 
 Harry 
 [Reconciled] 
 Kate! 
 
 Kate 
 [Genuinely] 
 William, you shall stay here just as long as you live ! I forgive 
 you for stealing my purse — but — where is it? 
 
 Harry 
 You said you didn't have it. 
 
 William 
 :new you'd "frisk" me, so I "planted" it. 
 > William goes to Harry's photo- 
 
 *p g^C'ph, takes her purse from behind 
 
 +j it and hands it to Kate. Then he 
 
 Q -«<' goes to the silver and begins to 
 
 o **• * polish it. 
 
 '3 ^^ Curtain. 
 
 ft 
 
 8 25 
 
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APR 19 n 
 
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