, 635 :9 188 •py 1 IF THE VISITING SMITHS • _ BY ■■ , " ' ' DELIA HEYWOOD PRICE 25 CENTS Eldridge Entertainment House Franklin, Ohio bj^ Denver, Colo. i! By SEYK¥l6UR S. TIBBALS '|lj"HIS series of character raonologs has provided ^^ somethingrfunny, yet clean and wholesome, for the boy or man who wants a specialty along, the lines of the professional monolog. They are espec- ially adapted for the olio of a. minstrel show or as an individual number on a vaude-'iile 'orogram. Have You Ever Noticed Tlhat? A tramp monolog. Izzy^S Troubles. For a Hebrew character. Waiting for the Alabama Lop. A. darkey talking act., the speaker beings a stranded minstrej. . - Be Keerful Si= A Rube monolog. As Oi Wuz Saying , For an Irish character. Under tlie Fretze! Brough, Dutch monolog. PRICE 15 CENTS £ACM. TWO PATRIOTBC The Stars and Stripes in Fianderso A dramjatic reading -vith a climax that will cause a* thrill. Price, 25 cents. When Monty Came Homme from the Marne. Suitable for any reader and a number that will be welcom.e on any program. Price 25 cents. 'II! The Visiting Smiths A FAECE IN THREE ACTS -r= By DELIA HEYWOOD •^ Copyright 1920, Eldridge Entertainment House -Published by- ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE, FRANKLIN, OHIO DENVER, COLO. 'GiO 56391 DEC 30 !92D 1^ <'V»,0 The Visiting Smiths ACT I. (M". avd Mrs. Charles Smith seated at a Ubrarij ta- ble, reading. Mr. S'l'.i'ith — { tailing aside his paper) I met a man oa the street today, who reminded me of one of the numer- ous relatives that used to live in our old town at Smith's Corners A queer-looking individual with a pompous air, though one could see he was fresh from the country, i must confass that our branch of the family contains more odd specimens of humanity than could be g-athered to- egther anyvv'here else than at Smith's Corners. By the way. that is why Father miOved to this city. We are two hundred miles from oar old home, and as Smith's Corner people seldom travel farther than the nearest village, we have been free from the invasion of second and third cou- sins — and cousins-in-law, who devoured our substance, rnd made no end of work and M'orry for poor Mother. But I've been uneasy in my m.ind since I met that swag- gering rustic. It is barely possible that he is one of our Smiths and that he may ferret us out. Mrs. S. — Oh — ^wcll — never mind. We must be hos- pitable. I'd really enjoy meeting one of those odd char- acters. (The bell rings. Enter Mr. Jeremiah Smith, ushered m by the, maid. He advances toward Mr. C. Smith, and; gra^sps his nand, which he continues to shake, while mak- ntg him^self kno^jjn. J. Smith — Heow dye dew, Charlie? I'm awful glad I found ye ovit. 3 k. The, Visiting Smiths C. Smith — But — excuse me — I don't remember hav- ing met you before, my friend. J. Smith — No, I s'pose ye don't. I'm yer cousin, Jer- emiah Smith. Your pa an' mine was second cousins; so that makes us — le's see — third or fourth — I dun' know which, but that don't make no difference. I don't egg- sackly recollect yeou, seein' we was both little fellers v/hen your folks moved away; but I've heerd so much talk about Uncle Joe's family that I feel purty well ac- quainted. I knowed I'd be sure of a welcome. There ain't .ao freer-hearted folks in the world than the Smiths. I guess the Smith's Corner folks never would a-knowed where to find ye if Squire Rice's son hadn't come to the city this summer. Yeou'U be apt to see some of 'em be- fore long. They git eout from home more'n they use tew. Mrs. Smith — You have already had supper, I sup- pose? J. Smith — No, I hain't. Fact is, 'twas ruther late when I got in on the train, and I sez to myself, sez I, "Cousin Charlie'U take it as an insult if I should go to the hotel for supper." I'm here on a little business that'll take me several days to Iransack an' we'll have a chance to git better acqviainted before I leave. Mrs. S. — (taps bell. The maid enters.) Mrs. S. — Bridget, you must prepare supper for this gentleman Jeremiah — Now, don't go to no great trouble. I ain't one of the pertickler kind. (The doorbell rings violentbj. Enter Miss Tabitha Smith, a maiden lady attired in a very old-fashioned, cos- .lume. She cames an umbrella and has several packages in her arms.) Miss T. Smith — (with a jerky botv) Heow dye dew, nephew, heow dye dev;, niece? I see ye don't know who I am, an' 'tain't no wonder, seein' as Charles, here, was only a year-old baby when I left Smith's Corner to work in the fact'ry down to Lowell. I'm yeour Aunt Tabithy, Charles, that is, I'm an own sister to yer ma's uncle's The Visiting Smiths 5 wife. Well, there! I didn't pay the hackman — couldn't make out the change. Yeou wouldn't mind settlin' the bill, would ye, nephew? An' please bring in ray biinnit, an' my canary cage, an' my travelin' bag. (Exit Mr. S.) (The doorbell rings arjain. Mr. Peleg Smith enters, foilowed by his loife and six children. He grasps Jer^e- miah by the hand, exclaiming in a deep bass voice.) Peleg — Heow are ye, Charlie? Jeremiah — Yeou've got the better o' me. I'm Jere- miah Smith, of the Corners — Peleg — (turning to Chas. Smith) 1 might ha' knowed this is Charlie — got the same kind o' roguish look he alhu; had. (Grasps Mr. Smith by the shoulder as he entetrs,, carrying To^bitha's belongings, causing him to drop the bonnet box.) Tahitha — Nephew, you're dretful careless, seems to me. That's ma's best Vamnit spilt out on the floor. She's had it fifteen year, an' I brought it deown ter hev it made over. Wal, 'tain't hurt, I guess. Charles — (to Peleg, loho still retains his grasp ow his shoulder) Really, T am at a loss — Peleg — S'pose ye be' S'pose ye be! I'm Peleg Smith, junior — yer Aunt Samanthy's oldest son — yer Uncle Jotham is dead, yer know. (Turnn to Mrs. C. Smith.) This is Mis' Charlie Smith, I guess. Heow dye dew, marm? I hope to see ye well. (MTs. Peleg Smith and childreii are brought forward by the husband and father.) Peleg — Let me make ye 'quainted with my wife, Cou- sin Charlie — my wife, Mis' Smith. An' here's our young ones. Hezekiah, he's the oldest, goin' or. fifteen ; an' here's Hannah an' Jeruyhy an' Henry Clay. All got good, old- fashioned names. (The bell rings again. Adoniram Smith, a vet'if flashily-dressed young man. with a rather rowdyish air, is ushered into the room by Mrs, C. Smith.) 6' The Visiting Smiths Adonircm — Good evenin* all i I called to see my cou- sin, Charlie Smith, but I'll be blamed if I know which ir. which. Charles — I am Charles Smith, and you are my cou- sin — who? Adoniram — I reckon yeou never heerd of me, an', considerin' that Fm your Uncle William Henry's young- est boy, and that he moved to Indiana before I was born, you couldn't be expected to. I 'lowed to come north an' take a squint at the sights — see the elephant, ye know^-7- »n' git acquainted with some of our folks in York State. We heard from Uncle Zimri Smith, that your dad made ■(iuite a little fortune before he died, an' that he set you up in business. Got my pockets picked on the train, an' sc I ain't quite t-o flush as I was when I started, but I reckon you'll lend me a little of the needful until I can hear from home. My old man's doin' well — got a right emart chance o' land on Goose Creek Holler— mighty tight-fisted, but he'll sure hev to pan out a little of his dough to yours truly. Mebby you could git m.e inter some payin' business. I don't propose to drudge on no •old farm as m.y dad does, now, I tell you. Tabithn — {v.)ho has been rocking violently in a- 'big chair.) Niece, I'm feelin' kinder faint in my stomach. I s'pose you've ben to supper, but mebby the hired girl could make me a cup o' tea, an' set out a little somethin' to eat. Mrs. C. Smith — Pardon me- — I will have tea made directly — in fact Bridfret is already preparing supper for Mr. — Mr. — ^this gentleman. (Points to Jeremiah.) And, perhaps there are others who would like supper. Adoniram — Fact is, I'm. as hungry as a bear. Seein' some rascal stole my pocket book, I couldn't take suppei in the dinin' car. Peleg — My woman brought a lunch from home, but the youngsters got away with it all in no time. Yes, we can all do justice to a square meal. The Visiting Smitfis Henry Clay — (a six-year-old urchin) Goody! Goody! Ma said we'd git lots of nice things to eat down to Cousin Charlie's. Mrs. C. Smith — (ta'ps hell. Enter Bridget) Please set the table for eleven. Charles, run out to the bakery and get some bread and cake — and stop at the grocery for some canned salmon. Our familj^ is small, you know, Mrs. Smith, (turning to Mrs. Peleg) and sometimes the larder runs low. Mrs. Peleg — Well, I guess I know how that is. My young ones and Peleg himself, are dretful hearty eaters. Tabitha — I dunno's I spoke of it, but I can't bear •Javj' tea. I hope you've got that blended kind. Mrs. Charles *S.-— Well, no — but Fll send for some to- morrow. (Exit Charles Smith.) Mrs. C Smith — (rising) Please let me escort you all to the dining room. Charles will be back in a few min- utes. I know you are very hungry. CURT.\IN. ACT IL (Scene — Same as Act I.) Mrs. Smith — 0, I'm so tired I I wonder how long this visitation will last. Charles — (gloom,ihj) I've no idea. Mrs. Smith — And, Charlie! Just think! Those styl- ish cousins of mine, Janet and Julia, will be here lomor- row. And our pink tea — I've invited guests already for Tuesday evening. Whatever shall I do? (She raises her handkerchief to her eyes.) Bridget— Well, mum, I've got 'em all off illegantly to bed. The ould maid — it's beggin' yer pardon, I am, mum, for spakin' so disrespectfully of yer relation, the maiden leddy — she grumbled a dale about her room. It wasn't 8 The Visiting Smiths the nice one she ixpected, not much foiner than Squair Somebody's folks had down to Smith's Corner. An' the bye with the cross eye — bad hick to him — has desthroyed the rug* in the East room coraplately in the act of spillin' a bottle of casthor ile on it. An' two of the byes got into a fight and in throwin' yer purty little statoos at each oth- er, hit yer illegant mirror an it's cracked from top to bottom. Misther Peleg Smith's that handy at spittin', mum, that he's likely to decorate yer furniture in a foine iashion. They just nately fill the beds, mum, an' it's me- silf that'll slape on the hearth-rug the night. I've made you an illegant bed in the bath tub with the sofa cushion for a pillow, an' there's a blanket left for Misther Smith. Mr. Smith — (rising and pacing the floor) This in- vasion is enough to drive a man mad. Probably another horde of Smiths will s^voop down upon us before the week ip out. I'll not stand it. J'U have my name changed. I'll — (telephone rings. Mr. S. goes to phone.) Yes, this is Charles Smith's residence. Cousin Zephaniah and wife? I've no cousin by that name, that I know No, I can't accommodate you with sleeping quarters. Bet- ter go to the hotel Never mind T^e no time to lis- ten to you. Good-bye. (Turning to tcife) it never rains but it pours. Was ever a man so persecuted by kin- dred? Bridget — Misther Smith, it's mesilf that hates to say it, but Oim not able to enjure the work, an' so I'll be ask- in' for my wages in the mornin'. (Exit.) Mrs. Smith — (sobbing) Oh, Charles, what shall we do? Mr. S. — Do? I'll order the whole tribe out of the house. I'll sell out tom.orrow. We'll go to Mexico— -South America — anywhere out of the way of my relations. Mrs. S. — Charlie, dear, I can't bear to think of your rudely ordering them away. An idea has just occurred to me, whereby we may rid ourselves of our unwelcome visitors. Let us feign sickness. Of course v/e will be guilty of deception, but then the exigencies of the case seem to justify it. The Visiting Smiths 9 Mr Smith — All is fair in love or war, and in soine other emergencies as well. You're a genius, Maud Eliza- beth Smith. The flu is abroad in the land, and I heard yesterday of a few eases of small pox in the city. Im- agine the consternation of these dear cousins of mine when they find no breakfast awaiting: them in the morn- ing. Ha! Ha! Ha! CURTAIN ACT III. (Same room. Mr. C. Smith lying on a couch, covered with various articles of clothing. His ivife reclining ire, an easy chair with feet elevated on another. She is veryi pale, owing to an application of face potvder. Var*ious bottles of medicine arc on the table. Bridget in attend- ance. Footsteps sound, near. Children's voices heard. Enter Jeremiah, Pcle-j and family, Miss Tabitha, with Adoniram in rear.) Jeremiah — Hello! Why, Charlie, what's the matter? (A groan and. some muttered unintelligible words are his only answer. A low moan escapes the lips of Mrs. S., who seems asleep.) Mrs. Peleg — I^and sakes! Are they both sick? Bridget — Indade, mum, they took that bad that Oim afraid they've got the flu, or worse yit, the smallpox. Miss Tabitha — (screams) The flu! Smallpox! Bridget — Well, m.um, it's more than ioikely, seein' there's so many dyin' of both diseases in this city. Mrs. Peleg — 0, Peleg! Let's git eout o' this place, for mercy's sake! Hurry, children, run upstairs. Oh, dear! We've been exposed already. (A great scramble is made to exit.) Adoniram — (linger.; behind, the others. Soliloquizes) I reckon it's no use thinkin' of gettin' any help from! 10 The Visiti7ig Smiths Charlie. I'll have to pawn my watch. Jewhillikens ! How he groans and mutters ! Crazy as a loon, I vow. It's sure some awful disease, an' I'm l)Ound to ketch it, if I don't git out o' here. {Runs from room. ) (When the s&iind of hwryhig footsteps and excited voices have died aioay, Mr. Smith jumps from his couch\ and dances about the room in r/reat glee. .Bridget clap.^ her hands, ivhile Mrs. Synith hursts into uncontroUabU l-jughter. ) Mr. S7nith—Wei], Bridget, liow about your wages ^ Bridget-Sure, it was mesilf that spoke too hasty,. last night. I've niver s thought o' lavin' the loike? o' you, an' the misthress. Mr. Stnith — (lays his hand caressincjhj on his ivife'i shoulder.}' Hurrah for you, little wife! Your strategy has succeeded in repelling this invasion of kindred. (Bridget stands v-ith folded arms beside the pair, a. l-Toad smile on her good-humored face.) CURTAIN ^^^^^^ r^ Plays for Amateurs By SEYMOUR S. TIBBALS Mr. Tibbals has won a wide reputation as the writer of plays for amateurs that have dramatic action, bright dialog and clean and wholesome plots. Among the most successful of these are Somewhere In France; 4 m. 3 f.... 35c Sergeant Jim of the U.S. Marines; 7 m. 12 f. .35c The Little Politician; 7 m. 3 f .....35c Getting Even With Reggie; 5 m. 8 f . 35c At The Village Postoffice; ^S'-VUe™ 35c The Man Haters; 11 f . 4 m 35c Vinegar's Vaudeville Agency; Number 35c The Millionaire Janitor; play for boys 35c In Dixie Land; male characters.... 35c Up Caesar's Creek; boys' play 35c Christmas Plays Christmas at Finnegan's Flat 25c Christmas at Golden Gulch 25c ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE FRANKLIN, OHIO, also 944 S. Logan, DENVER, COLO. NEW HIGH SCHOOL PLAYS ALONG CAME BUD— for 4 beys s.nd 2 girls. Bud, quite inno- • cently causes a lot of trouble, but ail ends well v/hen Bud comes along. Price 25c. CLAREMCE DECIDES— is for 4 males and 6 females, and is a very clever comedy. All kinds of funny situations are introduced. Price 35c. THE CAPTAIN'S PREDICAMENT— a rattiirg good farce for 3 males and 4 females. Lots of fun. Price, 35 cents. LOST— THE WHOLE CROWD AND THE PARROT— a farce in which many amusing complica- tions aiise. Plays whole evening. 8 males and 5 fe.males. Price, 35 cents. POLLY LOU— a new Gladys Bridgham farce in which there is plenty of action and an interest- ing plot, 6 males, 8 females. Price 35c. THE VISITING SMITHS— a short sketch telling how the Smith's Corner Smiths descended on the New York Smiths for a visit. Price, 25 cents. THE CONVERSION OF PA. THE TRIALS OF EZRA— two nev/ Agricultural Extension plays. Each, 25 cents. Eldridge Entertainment House Frankisng Ohio, also 944 S. Logan, Denver, Colo. USE THESE ON ANY SCHOOL PROGRAM PRICE 35 CENTS EACH You're Welcome If You Keep Bight Still. If We Were You and You Were Uh. We'll Try to Make You Come Again. It's Yery Clear Your Welcome Here. Hello, Everybody — G-lad to See You Here. With a Tear In One Eye, We Will Tell You Goodbye. It's Time to Tell You All Goodbye. THESE WILL MAKE YOUR WHOLE ENTERTAINMENT EVEN MORE SUCCESSFUL iSS: ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOOSE FRANKLIN, OHIO also 944 S. Logan, DENVER, COLO. LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS iiiiiiiii iiii III nil 017 400 579 5 . Sfcerse irotn the Comic Opera, "The Captain of Piymouth" THi; CAPTAIN OF PLYMOUTH This IS a splendid number for any time, and especially good for High School, Choral Societies, etc. Price complete $1.25. Right of presentation given with purchase of 1 5 copies. Rental of orchestration' $7.00. , JBE HERMIT OF HAW AH is just the thing for your school society or High School chorus. It is written by the popular composer, Arthur Penn, and is especially tuneful and clever. Price $1.25. Right of presen- tation given with purchase of 1 5 copies. Rental of orches- tration $7.00. OPEMETTAS FOR CHILDREN Midsummer Eve - - - In Little Folks Town - . - _ Under The Sugar Plurri Tree Arcticania - ^ 60 cents 60 cents 60 cents $1.00 SEND 15 CENTS POSTAGE FOR APPROVAL COPIES. ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE, FRANKLIN, OHIO DENVER, COLORADO 944 South Logan Street.