qOURDS 
 
 duel 
 
 5RA11SIS 
 
 cldn HDai 
 
 Sam JorddTi TPhite 
 
GOURDS AND BRAINS 
 
 BY 
 
 Sam Jordan white 
 
 A SURE CURE FOR THE 
 BLUES 
 
 Copyright, 1919, by Sam Jordan White 
 
 "Keep a-smiling', my good brother, 
 
 That's the way through life to go; 
 Still a-laughin', don't you worry, 
 
 An' dull care won't have a show. 
 Check your trunk for sunshine country 
 
 Where old trouble never strays, 
 An' you'll help th' world be merry 
 
 While y' live through happy days. 
 
 "If you feel bad, just remember 
 
 There's a heap worse off than you. 
 But they smile and keep on hoping 
 
 And their days are never blue. 
 What's the use, friend, of complaining ? 
 
 It won't bring you nothing good. 
 While you'll sure be well and happy 
 
 If you smile and saw your wood." 
 
©(;!,A570145 
 m 2B 1920 
 
 J. 
 
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 . k 
 
SAM JORDAN WHITE 
 
JUST A STATEMENT 
 
 The author of this book was born on a faiTn near Tomp- 
 kinsville, Kentucky, in the midst of the Pennyroyal section 
 of the state. (The native people usually call it "Penny 
 Rile.") He had but little chance to attend school in early 
 life, but studied morning, noon and night, reading history 
 and cormiiitting speeches to memory. At the age of twenty- 
 one, he went to Nashville, Tennessee, where he attended 
 college. Worked one year on a farm in Illinois to get money 
 to complete his education- Never saw a steam engine until 
 he was twenty-one years old and on his way to college, but 
 since that time he has traveled two hundred and twenty 
 thousand miles in the United States and Canada. Was State 
 Evangelist of Florida for eight years and preached two years 
 in that state as pastor of some small churches. Made his 
 home in Savannah, Georgia, for three and a half years, also 
 lived in Mississippi a number of years serving the church at 
 Mei'idian as pastor for thi-ee years and after that served at 
 West Point. He has been lecturing for the past ten years, 
 but seldom giving more than three lectures a month on 
 account of his pastoral duties. Is author of "Lights Along the 
 White Way," "The Rose and Its Fragrance" and "Hard Nuts 
 to Crack." He has always believed that every man and 
 woman owes the world a smile. 
 
GOURDS AND BRAINS 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen : 
 
 In beginning this lecture to-night, I am reminded of the 
 fellow who went to a town to deliver a lecture on "Brains." 
 When he went to get off of the train, an old negro porter 
 met him and asked to carry his grip. The lecturer said, 
 "I have no grip." The old negro looked him over once or 
 twice and said, "You ain't got no grip, boss?" The man 
 looked disgusted at him and said, "No, I have no grip." 
 Then the negro asked what he was selling. "I sell brains," 
 the man replied. And the negro said, "Boss, you are de 
 fust man what eber come here sellin' anything and didn't 
 bring any samples wid him." 
 
 I am to address you on the subject of "Gourds and 
 Brains," and I am aware of the fact that I have plenty of 
 gourds and I hope to find the brains. 
 
 I lectured in Florida once and the folks kept clapping 
 their hands. Finally I turned and said to a man near me, 
 "They are surely enjoying my lecture," when he replied: 
 "Man they are not clapping at your lecture, they are fight- 
 ing mosquitoes." 
 
 I am a Kentuckian and was born on, a farm — and I pre- 
 sume you think I should be there yet — but I got away. I used 
 to plow a little mule and think of the time when I would be 
 a Congressman or a Senator — the little mule was not to 
 blame. And I am still dreaming; but not about that. I 
 was not born in the Bluegrass of Kentucky, but among 
 the "Penny Rile" (pennyroyal). There were hard maple 
 trees, and I would often, in the early spring, cut little 
 trenches on the trees and suck the juice from the trees. 
 I heard of a fellow who was reared in the same state and 
 a man was introducing him, who said: "I now have the 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 pleasure of introducing to you one of Kentucky's sapsuck- 
 ers," I have always been careful since that time about a 
 man introducing me, for fear he might know where I am 
 from. 
 
 I think my subject is a good one, for I certainly have 
 plenty of "gourds" here. The head is the "gourd" I wish to 
 spea'k of this evening, and on the inside, gourd seeds or 
 brains. A man said to another one, "Your head reminds 
 me of a town I heard of once." The fellow asked what town 
 it was, and he said, "Marblehead." The man was question- 
 ing the boy about a stone which had been thrown through 
 the window of a house and said, "Was the stone as large as 
 my fist?" The boy said, "Yes, it was as large as your fist." 
 "Was it as large as my two fists?" asked the man. "Yes, 
 it was as large as your two fists," the little fellow replied. 
 The man then asked, "Was it as large as my head?" The 
 little fellow looked up to him and said, "Yes, it was as large 
 as your head, but not as thick." 
 
 I hope to be able to show you the importance of the 
 proper training of the brain and that it should begin in 
 early life. We cannot lay too much stress on early training, 
 for it is worth all the time' and energy we put into it to 
 properly train the young mind and heart. It is like the 
 old bachelor and old maid who got to courting. They were 
 very timid at first. One day they boarded a train for a little 
 trip and it ran into a tunnel. While they were in the dark, 
 the old bachelor kissed the old maid, and when the train 
 darted out into the light again both were very much em- 
 barrassed and neither knew what to say. The old bachelor 
 finally said, "They tell me this tunnel cost five million dol- 
 lars." She said, "It is worth every cent of it, too." We may 
 think it costs too much to look carefully after the children, 
 but in the years to be we shall find that all our efforts have 
 not been in vain. There are many things that go to make 
 up character, and we must see to it that these principles are 
 instilled into the heart in early life. Let each parent do his 
 or her part. The woman said to her husband, "John, a man 
 and his wife should pull together like two big horses hitched 
 
 8 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 to a wagon," and he said, "They could if there was only one 
 tongue between them." 
 
 Let the mother and father speak the same thing and 
 teach the child to look on the sunny side of life always. 
 Learn early not to mope through life. Smile when it rains 
 and make a ray of sunshine when there is none and you will 
 always find a welcome in every heart. The world is looking 
 for your smile ; don't disappoint it. Be sure you are moving 
 and not the other party. An old woman got on the train 
 with her daughter, "Sal." The train was standing dead still 
 and a fast train came by. The old lady jumped up and down 
 on the seat and said, "Sal, this is the easiest thing I ever rid 
 on in my life." Let us be sure we are moving all the time. 
 A man is successful when he leaves the world better than 
 he found it. 
 
 I am now going to lay the foundation for my lecture this 
 evening in a few serious moments, and I hope that all will 
 give the closest attention to all I have to say. One moment 
 we will be under the cloud and the next moment in the 
 sunlight. 
 
 I am sure you will pardon me, if, while 1 speak to you 
 on the subject chosen for this address, "Gourds and Brains," 
 I should bring to you some treasures of thought gleaned by 
 years of patient study. A rosebud or two plucked from the 
 garden of fancy I am sure would meet with your approval. 
 We are concerned about the mateiial things of life, and yet 
 sometimes a3 we wander in a field where grows the richest 
 and most luscious fruit, we can get as much real joy from 
 the opening flower that the honey-bee sips as from the 
 mature harvest. To wander in an orange bower, when the 
 sweet blossoms scent the breeze of a spring morning, is as 
 delightful as to pluck/ andl eat the golden fruit. There is as 
 much comfort and joy to sit beside the ocean and see its 
 changing wonders as to plunge beneath its waters and cool 
 our scorching brows. Then, we believe that from the realm 
 of fancy we can draw lessons of comfort. The better ele- 
 ments of thought may here and there be overhung by 
 flowers and wreathed with honeysuckles. The beautiful is 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 always to be appreciated, and I trust that in this lecture, 
 if I perhaps may stop where flowers bloom and rivulets 
 murmur, you will pause a moment with me to catch the scent 
 of the rose or listen to the song of the brook. I am to travel 
 in a path over which thousands have gone. I am to wander 
 in a wilderness where many other hands have gathered 
 flowers. I am to stray in ^ grove from which ripened fruit 
 has been gathered by those who have passed before. I am to 
 paint upon the canvas where others have thrown rainbow 
 colors. I am to play upon the harp that fingers of skilled 
 artists have touched. You will not expect too much of me 
 then, I am sure, for men of mature minds have, passed this 
 way in years that have gone. I am not seeking to open up 
 a new mine of wealth, to discover a new path through a 
 tangled forest, or to pluck the sweetest flowers that were 
 ever gathered by human hands; but I shall be satisfied if 
 I can glean only a little gold in an already worked mine, 
 pluck one flower that others have overlooked, or claim one 
 rosebud from the garden others have gathered from. 
 
 The human mind is ever unfolding. It has progressed be- 
 yond that ever dreamed of. It has taken step by step until its 
 calculations have reached to the f artherest bounds that the 
 world has known. It has analyzed the invisible atmosphere 
 that surrounds the earth. It has found the birth chambers 
 of the tempest and surveyed the path of the traveling storm. 
 It has discovered the palace of Iris and the pleasure grounds 
 of her attendant nymphs. It has harnessed the lightning 
 and dissected the sunbeam in its descent. The mind of man 
 has walked the bottom of the sea, walked amid the clouds, 
 roved amid the stars. But it has not yet enabled man to 
 grasp with an arm of flesh the products of other worlds or* 
 tread on distant spheres. 
 
 Man has contrived means to advance his thought across 
 seas and continents with more rapidity than if provided with 
 the wings of some celestial bird. Man shelters beneath the 
 palm tree of the Torrid Zone and lives amid the snows of 
 the Polar Region. He has traced the orbits and weighed the 
 materials of other worlds; has followed the path of the 
 
 10 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 comet in its million mile dash through the home of the stars 
 and told of its return to us after having conversed with 
 other worlds. 
 
 Through the development of the mind, man has provided 
 the electric spark, by which our cities are as light at night 
 as by day. He has invented the locomotive that rushes on- 
 ward at the rate of sixty miles an hour from city to hamlet 
 of this world. But the intellectual man is worthless unless 
 with his culture and his work he has sought to be good as 
 well as great. I would impress upon you now that there are 
 four principles that go to make up a noble man or woman. 
 These are the beautiful, the useful, the honorable, and the 
 good. Now, as I speak of the beautiful, I do not mean the 
 outward or physical being. The plaiting of the hair, the 
 adorning of the body with jewelry, the rosy tints of the 
 face — made by powder — they do not go to make real beauty. 
 The true beauty comes from the heart. It is the expression 
 of a great soul within. The heart of an individual must he 
 beautiful before the life can be made so. As one is in mind, 
 so will he be in action. The face of an individual is usually 
 an index to character. If men and women love the society 
 of the refined and pure, then they will express it to the world 
 through an innocent face and deeds of love. No life can be 
 beautiful without first being good. 
 
 Usefulness is that quality or principle of the heart that 
 fits us for our work among men. He is only useful who 
 strives to elevate the human family. Man was made to bless 
 his fellow man. "None liveth to himself" is written upon the 
 brow of every sunset, upon the trees, in the dewdrop, in the 
 snow-flake. Moon and stars proclaim this truth. Every man 
 has his pai't to play on the stage of life, and if he falls short 
 then the work or service he might have done or rendered can 
 never be done by another. It must remain undone forever. 
 
 Honor comes to us for our real worth. If one is honor- 
 able, he will attract those with whom he comes in contact. 
 It is excellence of character, noble deeds, a pure heart and 
 an honest purpose. Honor may be given by men and yet 
 the one honored may not be worthy in the least, for there 
 
 11 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 must be nobility of character before any one can be honor- 
 able. With our Father in heaven no one is honorable who is 
 not true to every trust committed to his keeping. Some men 
 stand high among men and yet at heart they are sinful. 
 
 Polish is all right in its place, but it will not always hide 
 criminal actions. Like pent up waters, some day it will 
 break loose and leave destruction in its path. Honor will 
 attract esteem from the courteous and refined. 
 
 There is another principle of our nature that is very im- 
 portant, and that is goodness. If we separate ourselves from 
 it we are then worthless. It redeems us from our coarse na- 
 ture. It fits us for nobler and better work. It holds the animal 
 passions in subjection and enthrones the better elements. He 
 who is good is great. Though he may not be known beyond 
 the narrow limits of his own neighborhood, yet he is great, 
 for he writes his name with love upon the hearts of those 
 he meets in life. Without this principle one cannot be a true 
 man or woman. We cannot serve our country or our God. 
 We cannot be happy without it. It leads us to fuller joy and 
 we walk where bright waters shimmer. 
 
 Our colleges are to-day training the minds of our boys 
 and girls without paying much attention to the inner life. 
 We are becoming more and more materialists, and it is all 
 done through the college. What are the young men and 
 women learning at the present time in our great colleges? 
 Nine-tenths of our institutions know but little about God 
 and teach but little of the Christ into the lives of the young. 
 Did you ever see a young lady go off to college and learn to 
 simply be a "butterfly." She learns to leave out the "r" in 
 all her words. She says "My arm huts" without ever sound- 
 ing the "r" whatever. I heard one of these little sisters 
 recite this poem once. I will recite it as it should be and then 
 as she did : 
 
 "Little Pearl Hunny Dew, six years old, 
 From her bright ear parted the curls of gold, 
 And laid her head on the strawberry bed 
 To hear what the red-cheeked berries said; 
 Their cheeks were bhishing, their breath was sweet, 
 
 12 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 And she could almost hear their little hearts beat. 
 And the tiniest, lisping, whispering sound. 
 That ever you heard came up from the ground/' 
 
 I have given you this as it should be and now I give il 
 as she recited it. 
 
 (Here the speaker recited it without sounding a single "r.") 
 
 One of these httle girls who had been to college came 
 home and would lie in bed until eleven o'clock and then come 
 down stairs and ask her mother if breakfast was ready. 
 Her poor old mother would be down in the backyard, break- 
 ing her back over the washtub, singing "rub-a-dub-dub" 
 on the old washtub. Go down, little sister, and make it a 
 duet, instead of a solo, and you will feel better all the rest 
 of your life. 
 
 This same little girl went out into the country and saw 
 the big windmill running, pumping water for the farm, and 
 she said to the farmer: "I never knew before that it took 
 that big a fan to keep the farm cool." She walked around 
 on the other side of the barn and saw all the cattle chewing 
 their quid and said, "How in the world do you furnish 
 chewing gum for those cattle?" She then went to the house 
 and seated herself by the window, and the wind was blowing 
 and there were apple trees all around the house. She said, 
 "How those apple trees do moan." A little four-year-old boy, 
 seated there with his chin in his hands, said, "Yes'am, and 
 if you were as full of green apples as them there apple trees 
 are, you would moan some yourself." 
 
 There is a practical side of life that every one should 
 know. Every girl should know how to knit and how to cook 
 and do housework. What is life to the one who does not 
 know these things? They are unfit for any real service in 
 life. There is as much in domestic education as there is in 
 literary education. We should teach both to our girls and 
 boys, but if we can only give one, then give the domestic 
 education every time. It is sad to see a girl growing up to 
 womanhood and know nothing about domestic duties. Such 
 girls are fit only to walk the streets and make eyes at every 
 
 13 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 dudelet they meet on the streets. They never learn how to do 
 anything, except to lead a poodle dog ai'ound and once in a 
 while kiss the dog. A dog which has to be treated this way 
 has my sympathy always. Little sisters, like this, try to 
 dress in the latest of fads and fashions. No difference what 
 the fashion is, they get in line. When bloomers came around 
 at first, a little "sissy" dressed up in a pair of them and got 
 on a bicycle and started down to a town by the name of 
 "Wearum." She had only gone a few miles when she lost 
 her way. She saw an old farmer plowing in the field. When 
 she got near him he saw her, but could not tell what it was 
 he saw. He said to his mule, "whoa," and began looking 
 at the strange object in the road. In a minute he had turned 
 his back upon the mule and was wholly intent upon the 
 object just outside. He would jerk the lines slightly and 
 say "whoa" to the mule. She alighted and ran up to the 
 fence and said, "Mister, is this the way to Wearum?" The 
 old farmer looked her over a time or two and said, "I never 
 seed anything like 'um, but if there is any other way to 
 wearum, I would wearum tother way." 
 
 Young ladies, your destiny is greater than that of man. 
 Your career of usefulness is wider. You are the crowning 
 work of the Almighty hand. 
 
 "The earth was a desert and the Garden was a wild, 
 And man, the hermit, sighed until woman smiled." 
 
 Before woman came, earth's forests and flowers were 
 but mockery to man. He heard the turtle dove whispering 
 love songs. He saw the panther fondling her cubs. He 
 felt a loneliness, an aching void that had never been filled. 
 Man slept and God took from his side a portion and made a 
 woman. He touched the wound and healed it. He kissed the 
 bone he took from man's side and a woman blushed into life. 
 Her destiny is higher than that of man. Her prayers in 
 the ears of the babe have guided nations to honor and fame. 
 Her lips kiss away tears, and in their stead give smiles. 
 Her love follows man from early infancy to old age with 
 
 14 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 its griefs and tears. She watches over the baby in infancy 
 and prays for a wayward boy who wanders away in sin and 
 crime. Her prayers have guided weary feet over rough 
 roads in life's weaiy pilgilmage. She is the queen of the 
 home, a jewel of life, a pearl of great price, and the fairest 
 rose in the garden of earth. She kisses away bruises from 
 baby's dimpled hand and touches with tenderness the brow 
 of age. Young women, love the church and worship God. 
 Don't be silly and make fun of God. 
 
 Some young girls think it smart to tell how long it has 
 been since they were in church. The church is the backbone 
 of every institution in the world which has the good of 
 humanity as an object. You had better cling to the church 
 and Christ the Lord for you will need them in the hour of 
 death. Theatres and dancing halls will not go. far toward 
 getFing you into heaven, but the church will. Worldliness will 
 keep you away from life everlasting • Learn early to love the 
 Kingdom of God. Mother, if you are teaching your girl to 
 dance, you are only giving her a permit to hell, when you 
 think you are teaching her to be graceful. You may teach 
 her to be graceful and she will then bring disgrace upon you. 
 
 Did you ever see one of these little sisters grow up to 
 maturity — physically, but not mentally, nor spiritually — and 
 then try to sing in the church? God loves a good singer. 
 Use your voice for God all that you can. Good singing is as 
 good as good preaching and will convert as many souls to 
 Christ. When you see a preacher on the rostrum, very ner- 
 vous and cannot sit still, you may know they are almost kill- 
 ing him with what they call music. I have had the "It" sing 
 for me a few times. She comes out to sing just powdered and 
 painted to kill. She brushes her hair and looks into a little 
 pocket glass about five times, then rises, and instead of 
 going to the front, she wanders all about the platfonn on 
 high-heel shoes. Her mate is at the piano clawing away like 
 a hound puppy for a ham in the back yard. She is playing 
 the prelude. Finally, she gets ready to sing, and she sings 
 "Must I Empty-Handed Go," one of the sweetest songs in 
 all the world. Her voice trills and rolls, then shrieks, screams 
 
 15 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 and pants, until it sounds like the house was full of screaming- 
 panthers, and finally, in one harsh thunder- tone, which almost 
 burst the ceiling, she is done and not one understood what 
 she said or intended to sing. Such singing will never convert 
 one soul. Little girl, sing so folks can understand you. She 
 has an operatic voice they say. Yes, she does, for an operatic 
 voice is a voice which needs operating upon. 
 
 I am reminded of the two fellows who were sailors and 
 had never been to church. They had anchored in port and 
 one said to his chum, "Bill, I am going to church to-day," 
 and went along. After a while he came back and Bill wanted 
 to know something about what was done. He said : "They 
 read a little, prayed a little and sang a little." Bill liked 
 singing, so he wanted to know what they sang. But the one 
 who had gone to church hardly knew. "They sang an han- 
 them" (an anthem). Bill wanted to know what a hanthem 
 was. He said, "If I were to say to you, 'Bill. Bill ! Bill ! bring 
 me that handspike. Bill,' that is not a hanthem; but if I 
 were to say, 'Bill ! Bill ! Bill ! bring me that handspike. Bill ! 
 Amen," that is a hanthem." The man wanted to know if a 
 certain woman's voice moved him. He said it surely does, 
 "For I have moved three times this year on account of it." 
 I have been moved by certain voices and so have you. Train 
 your voices to sing praise to God, young ladies, and you will 
 be happy. 
 
 I must pause long enough to pay respects to the other 
 side of the house. I am not speaking alone to the ladies this 
 evening. It is up to you boys and young men to do as much 
 for the world as the young ladies have done or will do. There 
 stands before you, young men, great opportunities. Will you 
 grasp them or let them go unheeded ? I can gather inspira- 
 tion from the very scene around me, as I look down the long 
 isles of the future. Behold what a marvelous age ! Who will 
 be left in the great race of life? Who will bear the stings 
 of vice and ignorance? Start to-day to acquire the right 
 kind of knowledge. Look the world full in the face. Gird 
 up your loins and dash toward the front. You cannot run 
 the race with a load upon your shoulders. Throw down the 
 
 16 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 weights, then you can succeed. You cannot run with im- 
 morality weighing you down. You cannot be successful while 
 blaspheming and taking the name of God in vain. Neither 
 can you come out conqueror with a whiskey bottle in your 
 pocket or a quid of tobacco in your mouth. This is an age 
 of cleanliness. Tobacco is a twin evil with whiskey and we 
 have succeeded in getting rid of most of the whiskey, and 
 I pray how soon we can get rid of tobacco. What a curse 
 it has been to the world, and yet men who claim to be 
 religious use it and by their example teach boys to use it. 
 Church members, smoke and chew. Behold what a small 
 object a sucker of a cigarette is. He is so small that you 
 could blow him through the quill of a humming bird's wing 
 into a gnat's eye, and the gnat would never wink its eye. His 
 soul would rattle in a thimble like a marble in a two-gallon 
 tin bucket. He is fit for nothing but to lead a billy goat 
 around town, and then the goat ought to go into the butter 
 business. A man with a son like him would feel like com- 
 mitting "sonny-side." It is justified because the preacher 
 uses it. Now, let me tell you, young man, the minister of the 
 Gospel who uses tobacco is a poor specimen for a leader, it 
 makes no difference what pulpit he occupies. He is leading 
 the young boys in paths of sin and by his own example many 
 will be condemned to hell. His habit is as bad as the man 
 who drinks and there is no way to explain it away. It is 
 strange how much you can preach to a church on tobacco and 
 then leave them, and the deacons and elders will call a 
 tobacco fiend for their next pastor. The reason is, half or 
 two-thirds of the deacons and elders use tobacco and the 
 others are weaklings and let filth pass in. Did you ever 
 notice the cigarette fiend ? His head is the shape of an Irish 
 potato, the inside of his head is full of emptiness, his mind 
 like a piece of paper that never had any writing on it ; his 
 neck like a pencil, his legs like beanpoles, his body like a 
 stovepipe, his arms hke fishing rods, his eyes flash intelli- 
 gence about like a marble ; his nose, like a smokestack turned 
 upside down ; his teeth like gourd seed ; his lips the color 
 of six-months-old butter; his fingers like frog toes; his 
 
 17 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 hair about as coarse as hair on a mule's tail ; talks as in- 
 telligently as the inmate of an asylum; acts as wise as a 
 heathen; his breath smells like limburger cheese. I cannot 
 say any more about nothing. 
 
 "Come one and all and hear me tell 
 How strong tobacco smoke will smell; 
 All those who like a pipe so well, 
 And carry tobacco there to sell 
 And writes to social unions. 
 
 Sometimes you'll go to church and there you'll view 
 Some person who will sit and chew 
 And spit on carpet floor and pew, 
 Until it spreads a foot or two. 
 And sing of heavenly union. 
 
 Sometimes they take so large within 
 Until the juice runs down and stains the chin, 
 And then they all will sit and, grin. 
 And think there is no little sin 
 In this tobacco union. 
 
 The ladies, they are very nice 'tis true, 
 But they have learned to use it, too! 
 It's enough to make a monkey laugh 
 To see them spit upon the hearth 
 And talk of marrying union. 
 
 Sometimes you'll see some five or six 
 Out in the woods a-cutting sticks; 
 These sticks are cut and swabs are made 
 And then in groups they will parade 
 And talk of snuflF communion. 
 
 And their snuff boxes they'll pull out, 
 And with these swabs they'll dip it out, 
 And rub their mouths inside and out 
 And smear their faces all about, 
 And talk of slobbering union. 
 
 Tobacco is a. filthy weed. 
 And from the ground it goes to seed; 
 It'll spoil the boy and burn his clothes, 
 Make a chimney of his nose, 
 From this tobacco union, p^ 
 
 18 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 Did you ever see a man and woman kiss when both were 
 using- tobacco ? Well, it is tilth met filth. I had rather kiss a 
 poodle than a man or woman who uses tobacco. 
 
 Young man, have an ambition to be something worth 
 while in this world and rise above the common herd. If your 
 daddy uses the weed, show you are bigger in mind and soul. 
 Contribute to your ambition and go bravely into life's bat- 
 tles. Ambition has done everything for the world, tem- 
 porarily speaking. It has dug the ore, harnessed the light- 
 ning, leveled the mountains, watered the deserts, sailed the 
 seas, whirled the mills, bound the earth with steel, tunneled 
 under the rivers, spanned them with bridges. It has drawn 
 cars, driven ships, printed books and dug canals. It has flung 
 the airship to the skies, explored unknown lands, found the 
 North Pole, measured the distance of the stars, built cities, 
 developed countries and drained lakes. I say ambition has 
 done this, because it was the motive power which enabled 
 man to do it. 
 
 Ambition lived in the breast of Scipio, that Roman gen- 
 eral who captured and destroyed Carthage. It glowed in the 
 breast of Seneca, that statesman, philosopher and moralist 
 of Rome. It blessed Richelieu, the Frenchman, to curb the 
 nobility of his people, to restore power to his subjects and 
 grant religious toleration to Protestants. It pushed Joan of 
 Arc to the head of an army and gave her the victory which 
 crowned Charles the Seventh at Rheims. It gave Hannibal 
 a strong arm to subdue the mighty Spanish forces and com- 
 pel Rome to retreat. It blessed Melancthon to lead the 
 Reformation after Luther's death. It guided the hand of 
 Michael Angelo to throw upon the canvas objects of 
 beauty and cut into mimicry the cold and pulseless stone. 
 
 You need not sit down and expect something to happen 
 to you to make you rich or famous or successful, for it will 
 never happen. You must work out your own destiny and 
 do it bravely. There is no such thing in the world as luck 
 or hap or fortune. He who wears the left hind foot of a 
 graveyard rabbit in his pocket for luck, will likely come out 
 a pauper and a vagabond. 
 
 19 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 So many people are afraid of the number thirteen. Thir- 
 teen is Hke all other numbers. Thirteen stars are on all of 
 our coin and represents the thirteen original states of the 
 Union. There are seven thirteens on all the old quarters and 
 six thirteens on the old half-dollars. No one has ever thrown 
 money away because it was unlucky. 
 
 I took a trip to New York once. Yes, I have been to New 
 York and got back, too. I had a friend who went along with 
 me. He was a smaller man than I — I mean avordupois — 
 and we took the boat from Savannah to the great city. He 
 insisted that I take the lower berth, which I did, and there 
 were little cups hanging on the side of our berths and we 
 could not understand what they were for. We retired at 
 eleven o'clock at night and about daylight struck a rough 
 sea. I arose and went to see the sun rise, but went to the 
 western window to see it get up. I knew that something 
 was going to get up, whether the sun got up or not. I went 
 back to my state room and retired. My friend then got up 
 and went out on deck, saying that he was never seasick in 
 his life, but he came back in a few minutes and said he did 
 not want to leave me alone any longer. Soon after he had 
 gotten snugly in bed, he began to heave, and at once he 
 learned what the little cups were for. I yelled to him to hit 
 his cup, for I was below. As it happened, we were never 
 sick at the same time. I would be sick for ten minutes and 
 then he would set in for ten or fifteen minutes. When I was 
 at one of my hard spells, he said, "I know what is the matter, 
 we are in stateroom thirteen." The fellow over in fourteen 
 said, "You are a liar, for I am as sick as you are and I am 
 in fourteen." I thought of the Irishman who was heaving 
 by the side of the boat, and the captain said, 'Tat, you must 
 have a weak stomach." The Irishman said, "No, I reckon 
 not for I am throwing it as far as any of the rest of them." 
 I also thought of the old farmer who was once on a boat and 
 became sick, and he had his red bandanna handkerchief in 
 his coat pocket and while he was at his worst, a whiff of 
 wind blew it out of his coat pocket, and he caught a glimpse 
 of it and said, "There goes my liver." We landed safe and 
 
 20 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 sound in New York, none the worse off by having traveled 
 in stateroom thirteen. 
 
 Grasp every opportunity you have and never let one get 
 by. The young fellow asked for the daughter's hand and her 
 father said, "If you grasp your opportunities, I will be glad 
 to give you my daughter's hand. I am to test you out my- 
 self," he said. The young man agreed to it. So, the father 
 stood him up in a narrow lane and told him to catch one of 
 three calves that were to come by. The young fellow tried the 
 first one, but it got by, for he did not put so much energy 
 into his trial, knowing there were two more to pass that 
 way. The second one he did better, but it got by also. He 
 then resolved to do his best, for it was the third and last 
 calf. His all depended on whether he let this one get by or 
 not. He took off his coat and suspenders and tied the sus- 
 penders around his waist, rolled up his sleeves and yelled 
 "I am ready, let him come." So, here came the calf right 
 down the road in full tilt and the young man made a dive 
 for him, fell all over the calf and grabbed for his tail with 
 all his might ; but alas, the calf had no tail and he had lost 
 his opportunity, the girl would go to another man. He should 
 have made the same effort to catch the first one that he did 
 to catch the last one and he would have won. 
 
 If you find the iron hot, strike it, and if it is not hot, 
 make it hot by striking. Pursue your object where there is 
 no path, as well as where there is one. Go bravely into 
 life's battles and turn not aside to pluck the wild flow- 
 ers blooming near your pathway. Heed not the idiot laugh 
 of revelry. Kindle your lights on distant mountain tops and 
 call to the world, "Come on." Energy has done a great work 
 and will ever do a great work. It gave Robert Emmett cour- 
 age to stand unmoved in the very hour of death, and to meet 
 it as submissive as a lamb. Courage was the secret of 
 Mirabeau's oratory and the foundation of Milton's poetry. 
 It enabled Shelley to carry his thoughts skyward and 
 Shakesepeare to give to the world the most wonderful voca- 
 bulary of words and write his poetry forever on human 
 hearts. It enabled Napoleon to conquer almost all the world. 
 
 21 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 Courage fired the heart of Patrick Henry when he utttered 
 those memorable words, "Give me liberty, or give me death." 
 It gave Washington that stormy determination in the dark- 
 est hour of the Revolution. It made Daniel Webster the 
 champion of constitutional rights. It made Robert Young 
 Hayne the Hercules of debate. It gave Abraham Lincoln 
 that heroism to stand for liberty and union. It gave Jeffer- 
 son Davis that bravery, that fearlessness, that valor, which 
 enabled him to carry out his convictions of right in the face 
 of an opposing world. It was the promethean fire that helped 
 General Lee to move to the front of command and dis- 
 tinguish himself as one of the world's greatest generals. It 
 glowed in the breast of Jackson and enabled him to stand 
 unmoved like a "stone wall" when swords flashed and can- 
 nons roared around him. Courage has given to the world 
 her greatest generals, her most distinguished statesmen, her 
 wisest philosophers, and brightest intellects. 
 
 Now, I come to home life, the place where we begin in 
 life and the place where we end. As is the home, so will be 
 the life abroad. You cannot fool the world, little girl ! If 
 you help your mother at home, it will tell when you are 
 abroad. If you are kind and gentle to mother, my boy, at 
 home, you are sure to be, good away from home. The home 
 is the place where all religion begins. The church will never 
 be better than the homes which make up the church. If you 
 are unkind at home, then the unkindness will still be in you 
 when away from home, though the world may not know it at 
 the time. Little boy, don't be afraid to help your old mother 
 wash the dishes. If others call you "sissy," never mind it, 
 for it is good to keep close to mother. 
 
 " When i was but a verdant youth, 
 
 I thought the truly great 
 Were those who had attained, in truth, 
 
 To man's mature estate. 
 And none my soul so sorely tried 
 
 Or spoke such bitter things, 
 As he who said that I was tied 
 
 To mother's apron strings. 
 
 22 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 I loved my mother, yet it seemed 
 
 That I must break away. 
 And find the broader world I dreamed 
 
 Beyond her presence lay. 
 But I have sighed and I have cried, 
 
 O'er all the cruel stings 
 I would have missed had I been tied 
 
 To mother's apron strings. 
 
 O happy joyous girls and boys! 
 
 The mother's way is best. 
 She leads you 'mid the fairest joys, 
 
 Through paths of peace and rest. 
 If you would have the safest guide 
 
 And drink from deepest springs, 
 Oh, keep your heart forever tied 
 
 To mother's apron strings, f. 
 
 The father and mother should love each other and let the 
 children know that the same devotion exists that existed in 
 early married life. So many married people forget to express 
 their love to each other after they have been married for 
 some time. I think now of a couple who had heard a lecture on 
 "Sweethearts," and as they left the lecture hall, he said, 
 "Honey, won't you take my arm?" She wanted to call him 
 something- sweet and said, "Alright, old beeswax, I will." 
 Be just as attentive as you were in early married life and 
 tickle her under the chin now and then. It will likely not 
 scare her to death, though it may shock her at first. Some 
 folks are married, and have been for years, yet do not 
 know what love really is. Love is an all-over outwardness, 
 an ever inwardness, an everlasting, sweet-aching pain. The 
 way for any girl to tell when her beau is really in love is 
 to have handy a bull dog. When he is bidding her good 
 night, if the dog can bite a chunk out of the calf of his 
 leg and he never know it until he gets home, you may rest 
 assured that he is dead crazy in love. 
 
 Keep up your love, husbands, for the dear wife of your 
 early choice and you will be happy until the end of life. Did 
 you ever try to sing the love song you once sang to her in 
 early life? Try it on your way home and see the rose tints 
 
 23 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 brighten on her face. Even old women hke to be loved and 
 told of your affection for them. 
 
 Row the boat lightly, love, over the sea, 
 Daily and nightly I'll wander with thee; 
 On its fair bosom contented I'll roam, 
 Every my darling to dwell in thy home. 
 
 Chorus: 
 
 We are happy and free, love, 
 
 As ever a crew could be. 
 
 So merrily now we rove, we rove, 
 
 So merrily now we rove, we rove, we rove. 
 
 So merrily now we rove, 
 
 Over the deep blue sea. 
 
 When the rough tempest is quiet and still, 
 I'll turn to thee, love, to know thy will: 
 And when we anchor on some bright strand, 
 I'll love thee, my darling, in that home-land. 
 
 Row the boat lightly, love, over the sea, 
 Daily and nightly I'll wander with thee; 
 And when that bright morning of glory we see, 
 I'll roam the fair land of heaven with thee. 
 
 If you can muster up courage enough to sing this song, 
 you will find that life will be sweeter to you the rest of the 
 way. Don't lose your voice by just not trying to sing. I 
 know it sounds a little shackly now, but it will revive if 
 you will use it more. The man said, "He just sang to kill 
 time." The other fellow said, "You certainly have a good 
 weapon." 
 
 Always do what your wife wants you to do and you will 
 always be agreeable in the home. I am reminded of the old 
 woman who woke up and asked her husband to get up and 
 hunt for the medicine to rub her shoulder with, for she had 
 the "rheumatiz." She continued to nudge him and he snored 
 away. Finally she aroused him and he got up to hunt for 
 the medicine. He could not find a match, and after he had 
 run over three rocking chairs and had broken two bed 
 rollers, he began going very slow. The old woman said, 
 
 24 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 "John, what are you doing." He said, "I am trying to keep 
 my toes behind." He was backing over the house. Finally 
 he reached what he thought to be the coveted medicine and 
 came back to her and rubbed her shoulder real good. He 
 thought if it was good for her shoulder, it would be good to 
 rub her all over with it, so he proceeded to do so. She fell 
 asleep at once and rested well until morning. Early in the 
 morning she awoke and glanced down at her body and began 
 crying. She said, "John, oh John, I am decaying, and I am 
 not long for this old world." She said, "John, what will you 
 do without me?" John said, "I'll just rest, I guess." She 
 then began to cry and say, "not long for this old world, not 
 long." John looked over at her and found to his astonish- 
 ment that he had rubbed her with the bluing. He did as he 
 was asked to do, though it was the wrong medicine ; yet it 
 worked just the same. 
 
 Take your wife out to some gentle, sunny slope, where 
 the sunshine falls in splendor and star-beams gleam. Where 
 nature seems to have lavished all her beauties and where 
 butterflies play. Where humming birds sip the sweets from 
 the roses, and where the skies seem to hang in softened 
 beauty and rainbows love to linger. In a world filled with 
 the dreams of life divine. Where hope seems to take on new 
 life and where roses blush in more than Eden wealth. Sit 
 down beside your wife and put your arm around her and 
 draw her closer to your bosom. Tell her of the joys of other 
 days, when life was young and her eyes were bright. liOok 
 down into her old, wrinkled and haggered face and say, "I 
 love you still." Tell her she is your own dear sweetheart that 
 she once was. Kiss her lips and sing "Mollie Darhng" to 
 her. See her eyes, once like the morning stars, now dim with 
 years, sparkle. Tell her she is beautiful. (The Lord will 
 pershaps forgive you for the lie.) In other words, court her 
 as you once did, and feel her heart go pit-a-pat. What a 
 glorious thing is love. It is for the young and old alike. It 
 never grows old. Love is the sunbeam in morning's dreams 
 and is the noblest of all our passions. It is the noontide ray 
 of manhood's realizations. It is always interesting. It trem- 
 
 25 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 bles through the light young heart and weaves itself in webs 
 of more than mortal beauty around our pathway. It is a 
 light in the darkest hour. It is music in the ears of infancy 
 and bright dreams to tottering footsteps. Love's imperial 
 chariot rolls over the human heart and roan bows to wor- 
 ship. It lays its arm around wealth's haughty head and it 
 bows in meek submission. Toil lends a listening ear to love's 
 pleadings. The snowy sails on ocean's briny bosom are drawn 
 to ports through love's influence. It chisels itself on the 
 stony heart and breaks the despot's throne. It is a despot 
 against which we do not rebel. It twines its arms around 
 broken hearts and heals all our wounds. It blooms at our 
 firesides, grows in the church and matures in heaven. It is 
 a rainbow of promise, arching time and spanning eternity. 
 No home is complete without it. It wastes its fragrance on 
 every life that passes by. When scorned it breathes woe and 
 is like a tempest to the soul. It is nourished and fed by the 
 elements of grief and the elements of joy. Love fills the 
 soul with hope and hides a multitude of sins. It brought 
 a Saviour from the sky and led fishermen to follow Christ. 
 
 It is a ladder to the child and a bulwark to the mature 
 and a staff to old age. It is a dew-drop from heaven placed 
 in man's soul. Its thoughts are pleasantness, its language 
 is gentleness, its deeds are acts of compassion, and its foot- 
 steps are paths of peace. Abuse cannot overcome it. Temp- 
 tation cannot mislead it. All other things may fail, but love 
 will endure. It will abide for time and eternity. It conquers 
 the drunkard, i-eforms the gambler, stops the robber from 
 sin. Cherish it in your home and with you Christ will abide. 
 
 So many families never take a moment to speak one 
 word of love to each other. They are cold, sordid, selfish 
 beings in the home and the children go out in the world the 
 same way. Husbands and wives have been separated because 
 they never took time to speak a word of love in the home. 
 Women blame their husbands for staying out late at night, 
 but fail to remember that he receives unkindness when he 
 comes home, let it be early or late. I am reminded of the old 
 farmer who went over to an auction sale of old tigers from 
 
 26 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 Barnum's show. When the auctioneer had come to an old 
 tiger, this farmer bid one hundred dollars for it, and a small 
 showman bid two hundred and the farmer bid three hundred. 
 The auctioneer went around to this old farmer and said, "I 
 had as soon have your money as anyone's, but this tiger will 
 kill you if you buy it; let the show man buy her in." The 
 old faiTner began crying and said, "You don't understand; 
 my wife has been gone for three months and will be gone 
 for four months longer, and I want something to remind 
 me of her while she is away from home." Be gentle and 
 kind as you were the day after you were married and home 
 will always be happy and your husband will not have to buy 
 any tigers to remember you by. Let me sing the old, sweet 
 song, ''When You and I Were Young, Maggie." 
 
 ' f I wandered to-day to the hill, Maggie, 
 
 To watch the scenes below; 
 The creek and creaking old mill, Maggie, 
 
 As we used to long ago. 
 The green grove has gone from the hill, Maggie, 
 
 Where firstj the daisies sprung; 
 The creaking old mill is still, Maggie, 
 
 Since you and I were young. 
 
 Chorus: 
 
 And now we are aged and gray, Maggie, 
 
 And the trials of life nearly done; 
 Let us sing of the days that are gone, Maggie, 
 
 When you and I were young. 
 
 A city so silent and lone, Maggie, 
 
 Where the young and the gay and the best^ 
 In polished white mansions of stone, Maggie, 
 
 Have each found a place of rest, 
 Is built where the birds used to play, Maggie, 
 
 And join in the songs tha«j were sung; 
 For we sang as gay as they, Maggie, 
 
 When you and I were young. 
 
 And now I am feeble with age, Maggie, 
 My steps are less sprightly than then. 
 
 My face is a well-written page, Maggie, 
 But Time alone was the pen! 
 
 27 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 And now we are aged and gray, Maggie, 
 As spray from the white breakers flung; 
 
 But to me you are as fair as you were, Maggie, 
 When you and I were young, f i 
 
 Just gently sing this song now and then to your dear 
 wife, and see how she will smile. She is just as anxious for 
 love now as when she was sixteen years old. She has not 
 changed one bit, only in looks, but her heart is the samo as 
 it was in the long ago. The old woman said to her husband, 
 "If you were to see some young girl, I am afraid you would 
 cease to love me." He said, "What do I care for youth and 
 beauty, you suit me alright." Be good to your husband, 
 old sister, and don't abuse him for everything he does. If you 
 continue to abuse him, he may finally get to the point that 
 he will be like the man was who had been abused so much by 
 his Wife, and one night he was coming home late and she 
 thought she would scare him so badly that she would break 
 him of the habit of late hours. So, she wrapped up in a 
 sheet, all except her face, and then stood by the roadside. 
 Finally she heard him coming, and when he saw her he 
 stopped and asked, "Who are you " She said, "I am the 
 Devil." He said, "Come on down to the house, I married 
 your sister." 
 
 When a man drinks he really needs bad treatment, but 
 the question is : Will that break him of his bad ways ? We 
 have to use our better judgment. Some husbands will not 
 work either and let the wife do all the drudgery around the 
 home. Some women have to make the living for the family. 
 Such a husband is only a pimple on the neck of existence 
 and should be picked. There is such a thing as henpecked 
 husbands and they, of course, are afraid to move without 
 asking their wives. The hair is all off of the top of their 
 heads. A bald-headed man only proves that his wife feels 
 where he thinks. It is better to be bald on the outside than 
 on the inside, but it is awful when you are both, brother. 
 
 My good sister, if you have a husband who won't work, 
 do him like the poor woman did her's. His name was 
 Henry and she always called him "Hen," because he "set" 
 
 28 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 around so much. He would sit at the store and whittle all 
 the goods boxes up and talk about hard times. One day he 
 became paralyzed and was carried home and the physician 
 called. After he had looked him over, she said, "Doctor, 
 how long can he live in this condition?" The doctor said, 
 "He may live twenty years." She sighed, for she did not 
 want him to live twenty years in any condition. "Hen" had 
 now became a layer and he could do nothing but lay. One 
 day a neighbor sent in some eggs for them and his wife was 
 showing the eggs to him. "Hen" could not move in any way, 
 except his mouth and eyes, but in trying to see the eggs, 
 she titlted the basket and one egg rolled out unnoticed to 
 either of them and remained under the cover right by "Hen" 
 for twenty-one days, when it hatched out a chicken. From 
 that time on she used "Hen" as an incubator and got rich. 
 If you have a husband who won't work, set him, and you will 
 make money. 
 
 Mothers, make the home a pleasant spot for the children. 
 You will be remembered in the years to come for what you 
 did and for the way you trained them to go. Children look 
 back to dear good mothers and love them. If you are a 
 street-walker, your name will not be cherished very highly 
 by your children. Let Christ be your refuge and the Bible 
 your book, and you are sure to be loved after awhile when 
 your children have gone from your home. Don't be afraid 
 but what appreciation will come. Your prayers will never 
 be forgotten and the songs you sing in childish ears will 
 still be remembered long after you are dust. Live so that' 
 your influence will always be for good. 
 
 '* I stood upon the thoroughfare and heard the "Army" sing, 
 
 And my thoughts went back to mother like a bird upon the wing. 
 I could see her in the moonlight there reclining in her chair, 
 As I heard the "Army" singing "My Name in Mother's Prayer." 
 
 I could see her bending sweetly o'er the pillows wherei I lay, 
 For she seemed so much an angel when she taught me how to pray. 
 I could feel her lips still burning as she kissed me for the night, 
 Saying God would keep her darling, when she took away the light. 
 
 29 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 Years have passed and I have Meandered like a sheep that goes astray, 
 
 Still I often think of mother and the old home far away; 
 
 And I almost feel forsaken when I see a stranger frown, 
 
 But the "Army" sings "Speak Kindly to a Man When He Is Down." 
 
 And they sing the old songs over that I once could sing with joy — 
 "Jesus, Like a Shepherd Lead Us" and "Where Is My Wandering Boy" 
 Till I wonder if there's mercy, hope for me if I could dare, 
 Just to kneel with them a moment in "The Blessed Hour of Prayer." 
 
 I am often heavy laden, weary with the empty strife, 
 
 Till I feel that I am driftwood on the surging waves of life; 
 
 And perhaps there's truth in singing that "The Half Has Never Yet 
 
 Been Told," 
 For the "Army" seems so certain of "Those Sunset Gates of Gold." 
 
 Even if I never glory in the presence of the King, 
 
 Let me steal a little closer to the "Army" when they sing; 
 
 For their songs bring dreams of mother and the things she taught 
 
 to me, 
 When my life was full of sunshine and my altar was her knee. 
 
 Let me steel a little closer to the promise that I gave, 
 When in tenderness we bore her to the church-yard and the grave; 
 For if all her prayers are answered, God of Heaven, I must know, / f 
 "Though my sins be as scarlet, I shall be white as snow." 
 
 This little poem, written by Oliver Allstorm, represents 
 a man as listening to the Salvation Amiy singing on the 
 streets of a city, and his thoughts go back to mother. Mother 
 is the sweetest of all earthly beings and ties herself more 
 closely to the life because she is constantly with the child. 
 Those who mistreat mother and father will regret it in, the 
 years to come. Memories will not be sweet for those who 
 fail to love parents. Mother will soon be gone from earth 
 and then how sweet it will be to remember that you treated 
 her with respect while she lived. Young man, if you are 
 away from home write to mother every week and tell her 
 that you love her still. The girl or boy who never writes to 
 mother, or writes only seldom, hardly ever rises above the 
 common crowd. Always show your appreciation. Think 
 often of the old home and wander there in your dreams. 
 Take mother by the hand and sit by her side; be a child 
 
 30 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 again and listen to the story again of how the Christ was 
 born in the long ago. Let mother's songs flow into your 
 ears. She perhaps kneels to-night to pray for you. Her 
 prayer is worth a thousand worlds to you, my boy, and you 
 cannot afford to forget her or neglect her. She would stand 
 by you until the end of life, whether you were disgraced or 
 honored. You have a thousand things to think and dream 
 of, while she has only you. Her world is not as broad as 
 yours, perhaps, and more than that, she does not desire to 
 go further for sweet dreams. 
 
 ' < The streets of the city seemed filled with delight 
 
 And glad with the babble of joy; 
 Gay voices of pleasure made merry the night 
 
 And dwelt in the thoughts of a boy. 
 The reefs of distress in that ocean of strife, 
 
 Were hid in its sparkle and foam, 
 And youth found no time in the laughter of life 
 
 To write to the loved ones at home. 
 He loved them, ah yes! for he knew they were true 
 
 And would serve him in sickness or health. 
 No task that their hands would most joyfully do 
 
 To aid him in want or in wealth. 
 
 At morning or evening they whispered his name. 
 Though far from their paths he would roam. 
 
 Yet found he no time in his pleasures — for shame! — 
 To write to the loved ones at home. 
 
 A message — "Your mother is dead, and she died 
 
 With the name of her boy on her tongue." 
 And oh, for the letter her heart was denied, — 
 
 The song that can never be sung! 
 And all through the years he was angry at Fate, 
 
 Quite after the manner of men. 
 But oh, 'twas forever and ever too late 
 
 To write to that mother again, y f 
 
 If you want your boys and girls to be all they should 
 be, train them right in youth. They have all the brains they 
 will ever have when they come into this world, but we can 
 draw out and train what they have. Education means to 
 pluck out the weeds of vice and implant in their stead the 
 flowers of virtue. Let me stop right here, for I see some 
 
 31 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 sad and sorrowful ones here to-night. They are old bachelors 
 and old maids. They are longing for some one to love them 
 right now. It would take sure enough somebody to love 
 them and I would not fool you. There was an old maid in 
 Florida, and the census taker ran into the house, and being 
 in a hurry, asked in a quick tone, "What is your name." 
 "How old are you?" She said "twenty-two" when it should 
 have been forty-two. He then asked, "Are you married or 
 single?" And she fell right into his arms. She thought he 
 had proposed to her. The little girl asked her Aunt Kate, 
 "Are you an old maid ?" "Yes," was the reply, but she said, 
 "it does not behoove you to speak of it." "Don't be mad, 
 Aunt Kate," said the little girl, "I know you are not to 
 blame." I think of the two old maids who were talking to 
 each other and one said, "Sallie, would a big, long stocking 
 hold all you want for Christmas?" "No, Maud, but two 
 short socks would." 
 
 An old bachelor has a hard time of it, for he is afraid 
 of all the women and a married man is only afraid of his 
 wife. The old bachelor's name was "Bennie," and the old 
 maid's name, "Annie.' After awhile she said to him, "I 
 have certainly been benefitted to-night," and he said, "Yes, 
 and I have been Annemated." I beg pardon for calling them 
 old maids, for they are not old maids, but just "ladies in 
 waiting." 
 
 The hills covered with the fresh beauty of the springtime 
 or the autumn tints of the rainbow, stir within us a love for 
 the beautiful, as we gaze upon fields of flowers or skies of 
 azure blue. We look upon the sunset with its strange new 
 beauties, its crimson eye of light, and watch the streams 
 of gold as they fall upon the dark folds of the storm cloud 
 resting upon the far-away western horizon, where a rainbow 
 hangs in splendor and tosses her kisses back to black clouds 
 and pencils smiles on the cheek of the stoim. The extent of 
 our appreciation depends on what we have been taught to 
 appreciate and enjoy. From these pleasures we derive hap- 
 piness. Every life desires happiness, usefulness and success, 
 but these things can only be enjoyed by confoiTning to moral 
 
 32 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 laws while obtaining our education. We must study, work 
 and pray. The one who has indulged in sin, fought life's 
 battles with no object save to gratify his passions and his 
 lusts, cannot enjoy the same privileges as the one who gives 
 his time and talents to the service of God and his fellowman. 
 The mind must first be trained to appreciate and enjoy cer- 
 tain things before it can do so. 
 
 The cannibal tribes of wildest Africa can plunder, lay 
 waste, kill and feast upon one like unto themselves, while we 
 would turn sick at such cruelty and slaughter. The savage 
 has feelings like our own, but he has not been trained to 
 see life in its higher and holier meaning. The robber can 
 take from the poor and helpless and be content with his un- 
 just gain, while we stand by and drop a tear for the ones 
 who were victims of rough hands. The gambler can take 
 that for which he has not labored and laugh at the one less 
 fortunate in sin. He thinks not of children he is stealing 
 from, nor of a poor wife who weeps at home for a wandering 
 husband. His thought is gain at any cost, and money to 
 him is worth more than life. The man who sells liquor gives 
 to his fellow man that which corrupts and destroys: the life 
 and soul, and then kicks the poor wretch out on the street 
 tO die, while those who are cultured and refined and who love 
 souls more than money, will fight the temperance battle, 
 spend time and money to prevent such wholesale slaughter 
 of men. The savage Indian, with a manly forni, lifts his 
 tomahawk and mangles the bodies of men and women who 
 cry for mercy at his feet ; he lays his scalping knife to their 
 ears and dances around their lifeless forms, but his heart is 
 untouched by pity or sympathy. He has no culture or train- 
 ing, and therefore cannot be moved to penitence. Those who 
 are cultured and refined had rather' be the victims than the 
 victor in such slaughter as this. So, we may conclude that 
 our education and instruction must have the principle of 
 right and justice instilled before we can truly say that we are 
 intelligently and morally instructed. 
 
 Look, if you will, from the cleft of the yawning chasm 
 of the Grand Canyon. What thoughts fill your mind of a 
 
 33 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 Master Creator who scooped out with his hand this great 
 gash in the earth's bowels and cleansed it with the onrushing 
 tide of the Colorado? Its grandeur and depth cannot be 
 contemplated by man's puny mind. He wonders who touched 
 it with a painter's brush and gave it tints and hues of all 
 the rainbow colors. Its brilliancy and glory is seen nowhere 
 else on earth. Fancies flood the soul and we live in realms of 
 delight. You revel in dreamland and walk in bowers of en- 
 chantment. Close your eyes upon the scene and there is no 
 beauty or wonder there unless it is the beauty that lingers 
 within the soul. Go through the great Yellowstone Park and 
 behold the beauties and wonders of nature there. See nature 
 in her maddest fonii — the great geysers shooting their hot 
 floods upward and roaring like the maddened tempest. Stop 
 your ears and turn your back and the grandeur has passed 
 save in the vision of memory. Could the uncultured mind 
 enjoy such a scene? If not, then the grandeur must be 
 looked for in the mind and not in the water. The beauty is 
 in the soul and not in the coloring the great canyon. 
 
 Look upon the clouds marshalling their black squadrons ; 
 see the lightning's gleam; hear the thunders roar; see the 
 forest bend and the grand old woods nodding; floods pour- 
 ing from every ravine and gash in the mountain side; 
 rivers plunging toward the mighty sea. The rainbow that 
 spans the heavens after the stoiTti has spent its force is the 
 smile of God's best promise. We here conclude that the 
 majesty of the storm is not in the clouds or rain, but is in 
 the inner soul, and is aroused into action by the mighty 
 sweep of the tempest. The rainbow blushing on the cheek 
 of the beholder is beautiful only to the extent of the appre- 
 ciation of him who sees. We can at once see that we must 
 begin early to put the right kind of knoweldge into our 
 gourds, if our lives in the future are to be filled with use- 
 fulness. 
 
 We should ever seek to be able to give expression to our 
 thoughts. No man is so cramped as the one who cannot 
 express himself to the world. He is like the fellow who went 
 to see his best girl with the intention of proposing, but never 
 
 34 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 could get thing's to come around right. He went to see her 
 at seven o'clock in the evening, and when he sat down he 
 said, "It is fine weather to-night." She said, "It is fine 
 weather," At eight o'clock he moved closer to her and 
 said, "It Js fine weather to-night." She said, "It is fine 
 weather." He would swallow hard, but could say nothing 
 else. At nine o'clock he moved still closer to her and said, 
 "It is fine weather to-night," and she said, "It is fine 
 weather." At ten o'clock he moved closer to her and said, 
 "It is fine weather to-night." She said, "It is fine weather." 
 He could never get his hands in the right place. His feet 
 seemed to him to be larger than ever before. There was a 
 large lump in his throat and he never said one word between 
 his comments on the night. He would sweat and mop his 
 face with a red handkerchief and play with his fingers. He 
 would not look at her, but he could faintly see her chubby 
 hand and, he' had a notion to lay his hand on her chair, but 
 then he thought he could not afford to do so. At eleven 
 o'clock he moved still closer to her, but not right against 
 her chair. He said, "It is fine weather to-night." She said, 
 "It is fine weather." About that time her mother looked 
 over the banisters at the top of the stairs and said, "Sal, is 
 that young man there yet?" She said^ "No, mother, but he 
 is getting there." 
 
 Young men and women, learn to hold to the hand of 
 Jesus, and while you are amid doubts and fears, realize there 
 is a realm of unclouded day. Your doubts arise now and 
 then, but banish them, for God still lives. The little five- 
 year-old boy was climbing the stairway, and he stopped and 
 said, "Papa, are you up there?" "Yes, son, I am here; 
 come on." The father was in his study, but the little fellow 
 wanted to be assured he was still there. After climbing a 
 step or two more, he would ask, "Papa, are you still there ?" 
 And the answer would come, "Yes, son, I am here; come 
 on." Then another step or two was made and again the 
 little fellow inquired, "Papa, are you there?" And the 
 answer would come, "Yes, son, I am here ; come on.'" Then 
 the top of the stairs was reached and into the father's arms 
 
 35 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 the little one ran and was clasped close to his bosom. So, in 
 life's dreary pathway, as we climb toward the eternal home, 
 we pause and ask, "Father, are you still there?" And ever 
 there comes the answer, "Yes, son, I am here ; come on," and 
 we toil on again. But bye and bye we are again confronted 
 with some great trial and we ask again, "Father, are you 
 there?" and then comes the answer through His word, "Yes, 
 my son, I am here ; come on," and sometime when the light 
 of life burns low and the sun at last sets, and we reach the 
 top of that golden stair, there we shall find the Father 
 and into His arms rush and His bosom will be our refuge 
 forever and ever. Angels will then be our companions and 
 we shall walk and talk with them throughout endless ages. 
 I would rather be able this evening to point some young 
 w^oman or some young man to a higher life and fix his or her 
 hope on Christ than to have the wealth of the world. Let 
 us live to help others, for that is really the mission of man 
 on earth. Give your fellowman a lift wherever you may 
 find him. Smile and reach out a helping hand to him. Let all 
 whom you meet know you are not selfish. 
 
 ' ' Did you give him a lift ? He is a brother of man 
 And bearing about all the burden he can. 
 Did you give him a smile ? He was downcast and blue 
 And that smile would have helped him to battle it through. 
 Did you give him your hand ? He was slipping down hill, 
 And the world, so I fancied, was using him ill. 
 Did you give him a word ? Did you show him the road ? 
 Or did you just let him go on with his load ? 
 
 Did you help him along ? He's a sinner like you, 
 But the grasp of your hand might have helped him through. 
 Did you bid him good cheer? Just a word and a smile 
 Were what he most needed that last weary mile. 
 Did you know what he bore in that burden of cares ? 
 That is every man's load and that sympathy shares? 
 Did you ever try to find out what he needed from you 
 Or did you just leave him to battle it through ? 
 
 Don't you know it's the part of a brother of man 
 To find what the grief is and help when you can? 
 Did you stop when he asked you to give him a lift, 
 
 36 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 Or were you so busy you left him to shift? 
 
 Oh, I know what you meant; what you say may be true; 
 
 But the test of your manhood is what did you do ? 
 
 Did you reach out your hand ? Did you find him a road ? 
 
 Or did you just let him go by with his load ? ' ^ 
 
 We are on the road from time to eternity and our great- 
 est business is to help each other on the journey. A happy 
 home is the gateway to heaven. Contentment is a jewel. 
 Life is such a treasure to the one who smiles through the 
 years and the end will be like the halos of the sunset. I have 
 always hoped to make people happy and to bless every home 
 into which I enter. I am going to meet some of you people 
 again. Even though I never see you at one of my lectures, 
 I shall expect to meet you where the river of life empties into 
 the sea of glory. I want to tell you when you have blessed 
 me and not leave the roses for your tomb. I want to cheer 
 you while you live. We have laughed together to-night and 
 we hope to laugh together where the flowers bloom forever. 
 When your spirit takes its flight to the realms of life on a 
 chariot, more glorious than that in which old Elijah rode, 
 I hope your fitness for the glory land may be traced to some 
 extent to this night of joy. If I have helped you this even- 
 ing, come and tell me so. I want to know it while I live. 
 I have sought to implant good lessons in your heart and we 
 have laughed to soften your soul, so the impressions could 
 
 be made. 
 
 If you have a friend worth loving, 
 
 Love him, yes, and let him know 
 That you love him, ere life's evening 
 
 Tinge his brow with sunset glow. 
 Why should kind words ne'er be said, 
 
 Of a friend— till he is dead ? r y 
 
 I see some old mossy fellows out in the audience now, 
 who are beginning to look real sweet at their wives. Now, 
 ladies, they are not going crazy, as you would suppose ; they 
 are only trying to put this lecture into effect. It would be a 
 great sight to see one of these old rusty fellows tickle his 
 wife under her chin and make googoo eyes at her. Don't each 
 
 37 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 one of you expect to see the other begin this loving business 
 first. You have a wife very much Hke your neighbor. I am 
 reminded of the fellow who was driving to town with a load 
 of wood and was about to meet a man and his wife in an 
 automobile on the side of a hill. There was a broad place 
 in the middle of the hill and the man in the auto wanted to 
 let this man with the wood pass middle-way of the hill, but 
 his wife would not let him stop. The fellow on the top of 
 the hill overheard their conversation and finally said, "That's 
 alright, brother, I will lay down the fence and go through 
 the field, for I have one at home just like her." 
 
 Let your wife always know where you are of evenings 
 and you will always be happy — that is, if you are in the 
 right place. The woman was crying as she returned from 
 burying her husband, but she seemed all at once to brighten 
 up and said, "There is one consolation in it, for I will know 
 where John is of evenings." But she may have been mis- 
 taken, for there were two places for John to go to. 
 
 Don't be jealous, ladies, for your husband may not look 
 even as well to other women as he does to you. He may be 
 somewhat lop-sided and run-down at the heel, which thing 
 you have never noticed. Jealousy is a wretched thing for 
 the home life with either the man or the woman. It will 
 drive all pleasure and enjoyment away, and it can be culti- 
 vated out of your life. It makes you restless and uneasy 
 all the time. Nobody wants your old man; you could not 
 give him away if you were to try. Your wife is not so beau- 
 tiful as she once was and very few people pay much atten- 
 tion to her. Then why be jealous of her? If you marry a 
 jealous partner, you will make a mistake and be glad to 
 get rid of her. I think of the old fellow whose wife died 
 and the day of the funeral came, and when they were carry- 
 ing her out of the door one fellow stumped his toe and fell 
 down and the casket burst open and the old woman came 
 right out, got up and was alright. She lived for two more 
 years and died again, and when the day of burial came and 
 the men had gotten hold of the casket good, the old man 
 crippled over and said, "Boys, be careful and don't fall; 
 
 38 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 they did it before and I thought it would almost kill me." 
 He wanted to be sure of her that time and no one must 
 make a mistake. It is an awful thing- to have to live with 
 somebody you do not love and not congenial with in life. 
 It is like the fellow at church, when the preacher asked all 
 the board to remain after the sermon. One fellow staid and 
 the preacher went back and asked what he wanted? The 
 fellow said, "You asked for all the board to stay awhile 
 and I certainly was bored." Lots of married men are bored 
 all day long from year in and year out, mostly out. 
 
 The two fellows were in love with the girl and a man said, 
 "I'll bet the wrong fellow gets her," and another man stand- 
 ing near said, "Which one?" "It doesn't matter which," 
 replied the first man. 
 
 The woman went to the seance to talk to her dead hus- 
 band, and after some time she got him. "Is that you, John," 
 she said. "Yes," came the answer in loud tones. She said, 
 "John, do you like to live where you are better than you do 
 here?" "Yes," came the reply. She said, "John, heaven 
 must be a dear, sweet place or you would want to come back 
 and live with your dear, sweet wife." "Heaven nothin'," 
 came the reply, "I'm not in heaven." But he did not care to 
 come back, even though he was down below. 
 
 Parents, are you not responsible for your child to a great 
 measure ? Will his or her failure be laid at your door ? Have 
 you done your best for your children or have you indulged 
 them and now want to blame the child with what you taught 
 it to do ? Be careful, parents, what you put into your child's 
 gourd or what you allow them to put in. No child can be 
 allowed to do as it pleases in childhood and early youth and 
 be very much when it comes to maturity in years. Don't 
 kick about your child's disposition, if you have helped to 
 make it bad. Young men and women learn early to take 
 life easy, and never kick over the place you occupy on the 
 ladder, for you are responsible for your position after you 
 have come to act for yourself. First the parent's responsi- 
 bility, and then the child's comes next. 
 
 39 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 ' * Young man, as you start out on life's journey, 
 
 Take this advice, for you'll need it: 
 Go slow, don't think you know all things. 
 
 Where good counsel's given you heed it. 
 Now, bub, as you take up the journey. 
 
 This advice I give you will stick; 
 Learn to take all things easy, my good boy, 
 
 Whatever you do, don't kick. 
 
 If you fail to have system in business, 
 
 And fret and quibble and wrangle, 
 You need only expect losses and crosses 
 
 And things in a general tangle. 
 If you should be tempted to jockey — 
 
 To cheat, or to learn a new trick — 
 Don't growl if the other man beats you, 
 
 Whatever may happen, don't kick. 
 
 If people are green, never mind it. 
 
 If, in fact, it don't concern you; 
 Never try to do wonders, don't bite off 
 
 Any more than you can well chew. 
 If you meddle with other folk's business. 
 
 And get knocked on the head with a brick. 
 Don't wonder, my boy, you deserved it, 
 
 Go home, soak yo' head, but don't kick. 
 
 If your true love should jilt you and tilt you, ( 
 
 And turn up her nose if you grieve; 
 Should the other chap beat you and cheat you. 
 
 And take her and skip out and leave. 
 Then cheer up, don't cry, never mind it, 
 
 But go out in the wide world and pick 
 One's that truer and wiser and better. 
 
 But don't be a booby — don't kick. • f 
 
 Now, if any one here wants his money back, let him come 
 to me after the lecture is over and ask me for it — and I won't 
 give it to him. Whatever this lecture may bring me in life, 
 in the way of money, is small compared to the good I hope 
 to do with it. I want to help you to higher ideals of life and 
 to an appreciation of the divine as you walk here below. We 
 all live for something. Let us look up and find what that 
 something is. May the prayers of parents and kindred and 
 friends go with you and bless you as you toil on for a better 
 
 40 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 life. Let your imagination rove, young men and women, but 
 never let it prostitute your soul in the realms of folly. Live 
 so that when the final summons comes you can go to walk 
 where bright waters lipple in the paradise of God and stars 
 glitter and angels sing forever. Let me point you to that 
 city where there is no sorrow ; where no hearse has ever 
 been driven, and where no door has ever been decorated with 
 mourning. Where God wipes all tears away and where life is 
 a treasure sublime. Let me point you to the skies which are 
 always fair, and to the stream of life which flows over 
 pebbles of gold and sands of silver. Where blooming rose- 
 gardens are the playgrounds for the angels and the re- 
 deemed. Where hills of purple beauty rise and glory fills the 
 soul forever. This world is a poor place, except we prepare for 
 a better one while we live here, but if we do, then this world 
 is a beautiful place to live. Beyond these azure skies are 
 mansions of real delight. Beyond these hills that rise around 
 us here, are glory retreats of the infinite. The whisper of 
 the angels in our ears will be glad music where that city 
 "lieth four square," and where the loved ones of long ago 
 shall be restored to our hearts. The music from angels' 
 harps will be sweeter than the melody of far-off water 
 falls, or the roar of the ocean before the traveler has reached 
 the side of the sea. We are filled with delight as we gaze 
 upon this world with its beauty, with its hills and valleys 
 and rich harvest fields, but what shall be our delight as 
 WQ enter into that land filled with music and song, there to 
 dwell in the presence of our King forever? Those who died 
 on this earth among the bursting buds of hope shall there 
 live and abide with us forever. These rugged roads here 
 will not seem so thorny after we shall have reached that city 
 beyond these sunset gates of gold. Let me admonish you 
 now, as I close, to do all the good you can for your fellow- 
 man, remembering that it will all come back to you. It is the 
 message I leave with you to-night to help those who walk 
 with you here. Lose yourself for another and you shall find 
 life eternal where the grass never withers and the roses 
 bloom forever. I could not conclude this address better than 
 
 41 
 
Gourds and Brains 
 
 by giving you some stanzas of a beautiful poem, which 
 expresses that thought of Hving to help those about you. 
 
 ^^ I will not worry o'er things I hate, 
 
 Nor be discourged by the wrongs I see, 
 But carefully look to the measure I mete, 
 
 For measured back 'twill be to me. 
 I'll cheerfully forgive any small or high 
 
 Misjudgments which I've had from thee, 
 'Twill all come right in the by-and-by, 
 
 When the measure I mete is measured to me, 
 
 I'll place no stone in another's way, 
 
 Nor shirk my duties though hard they be, 
 I'll bear my part of every load 
 
 For such makes life much sweeter to me. 
 I'll do my best through all my days, 
 
 Idle and careless I will not be, 
 For some will glean from my weary ways 
 
 After the measure I mete is measured to me. 
 
 Give me your hand for guide and stay, 
 
 Your words and looks for comfort, too; 
 Do kindly by me every day. 
 
 Ail measured back 'twill be to you. 
 I want your smiles, they're little things. 
 
 Though fresh and sweet and always new, 
 In the chorus of life they're lovely strings. 
 
 Some day they'll make sweet music for you. 
 
 We're hastening on with rapid feet. 
 
 And soon will print our farewell track. 
 We're measuring out but seldom think, 
 
 'Twill all to us be measured back. 
 Yes, measured back we soon shall see, 
 
 It measured back to you and me. 
 Yes, measured back on earth 'twill be 
 
 As well as through eternity, f i 
 
 42 
 
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