Class - JP__Sj3,i:.CL7 
 Book_A^S_£.LLa-__. 
 
 COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
THIS IS THE FIRST EDITION OF THIS BOOK 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 PEGRAM DARGAN 
 
 I wear flannel, sir ; therefore, pray, 
 talk to me no more of poetry.— Etherege. 
 
 NEW YORK 
 
 PUBLISHED FOR THE AUTHOR 
 
 BY 
 
 THE LITERARY COLLECTOR PRESS 
 
 1904 
 

 LIBRARY 9f C0N6RESS 
 TWO Copies Received 
 
 JUN 13 1904 
 Copyright Entry 
 
 CLASS O. "XXo. Na 
 
 OOPVB 
 
 Copyright, 1904, by Pegram Dargan 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 ^j*4» Index of Initial Lines at Back 
 
 PAGE 
 
 "OF POETS AND POETRY" ix 
 
 Introduction 3 
 
 On Bartholdi's Statue, New York Harbor 4 
 
 On New York 4 
 
 "Joe Frank's Breeches 5 
 
 The Reply 10 
 
 The Quarrel 11 
 
 On a Hair 12 
 
 On Science 12 
 
 The Siege 13 
 
 The Rogue 14 
 
 The Laurel 15 
 
 On Mrs. * * * Losing a Finger 26 
 
 The Rise and Fall of the Reign of the Devil 27 
 
 The Confession 28 
 
 On Low-Neck and Short-Sleeves 30 
 
 On Book-Worms 31 
 
 On a Pot of Coffee 31 
 
 On a Fair Wench a Fool 32 
 
 The Comfortable Dame 32 
 
 On Beauty 34 
 
 The Query 34 
 
 To a Rose Sent His Mistress 35 
 
 ToVioletta 36 
 
 Cupid Blind 37 
 
Yi CONTENTS 
 
 On Repentance 38 
 
 A Proper Wife 38 
 
 The Fly 39 
 
 On Lord Tennyson 41 
 
 On Country Life 41 
 
 Cupid's Ambush 42 
 
 The Case of the CoUard and the Pumpkin 43 
 
 The Link 48 
 
 On Woman 49 
 
 The Kiss 49 
 
 Hymen's Calendar: or, When to Marry 50 
 
 Epitaph on a Debtor 50 
 
 "Gog and Magog" 51 
 
 To "Juno": On Her Presenting Him with a Feather 
 
 Pillow 55 
 
 On a Strawberry 56 
 
 The Curl 56 
 
 The Common Lot 57 
 
 The Mystery 57 
 
 On the Reading-Room, Columbia University, N. Y.. 58 
 
 Introduction to Day's " Parliament of Bees " 59 
 
 On Empire 60 
 
 To Some Ladies, Excusing Jealousy 60 
 
 To His Mistress Getting Grey 62 
 
 Against Weeping 63 
 
 An Excuse for Weeping 64 
 
 The Snare 65 
 
 On the Fire in the Alexandrian Library 66 
 
 To a French Belle 68 
 
CONTENTS VII 
 
 To the Same 69 
 
 To the Same 70 
 
 The Greeting 72 
 
 The Compliment 72 
 
 On Meissonier's "Vanderbilt" 73 
 
 To a Beauty 73 
 
 On Friendship 73 
 
 Vesperae Culinariae 74 
 
 On a Merry Fellow, James Farrington, Falling 
 
 from a Cherry Tree and Breaking his Neck 75 
 
 On Lips and Eyes 75 
 
 The Faithful Lover 76 
 
 The Threnody 77 
 
 The Match 78 
 
 The Triumph 79 
 
 The Health 80 
 
 On General Grant's Tomb, New York 81 
 
 The Stir... 82 
 
 The Exchange 83 
 
 On Returning at Once a Broach to Felicia, Sent to 
 
 Illumine Him on a Dark Day 84. 
 
 On the Same 85 
 
 The Warrant 86 
 
 On the Pearls in Felicia's Mouth 87 
 
 On Felicia's Being Slow to Rise 88 
 
 On Touching Felicia's Fingers 88 
 
 The Famous Question 89 
 
 The End 97 
 
 INDEX OF INITIAL LINES 99 
 
^^OF POETS AND POETRY 
 
 4COURELY he was a little wanton with 
 ^ his leisure that first invented poetry. 
 It is but a play, which makes words dance in 
 the evenness of a cadency ; yet without doubt, 
 being a harmony, it is nearer to the mind than 
 prose ; for that itself is a harmony in height. 
 But the words being rather the drossy part, 
 conceit I take to be the principal. And here, 
 though it digresseth from truth, it flies above 
 her, making her more rare, by giving curious 
 raiment to her nakedness. The name the 
 Grecians gave the men that wrote thus 
 showed how much they honored it. They 
 called them makers. And had some of them 
 
X " OF POETS AND POETRY'' 
 
 had power to put their conceits in act, how 
 near would they have come to Deity! And 
 for the virtues of men, they rest not on the 
 bare demeanor, but sHde into imagination ; so 
 proposing things above us, they kindle the 
 reader to wonder and imitation. And cer- 
 tainly, poets that write thus, Plato never 
 meant to banish. His own practice shows he 
 excluded not all. He was content to hear An- 
 timachus recite his poem, when all the herd 
 had left him ; and he himself wrote both trag- 
 edies and other pieces. Perhaps he found 
 them a little too busy with his gods: and he, 
 being the first that made philosophy divine 
 and rational, was modest in his own begin- 
 nings. Another name they had of honour 
 too, and that w^as Vates. Nor know I how 
 to distinguish between the prophets and the 
 poets of Israel. What is Jeremiah's Lamen- 
 tation, but a kind of Sapphic elegy ? David's 
 Psalms are not only poems, but songs, 
 snatches, and raptures of a flaming spirit. 
 And this, indeed, I observe to the honour 
 of poets ; I never found them covetous or 
 
'' OF POETS AND POETRY'' xi 
 
 scrapingly base. The Jews had not two such 
 kings in all their catalogue, as Solomon and 
 his father ; poets both. There is a largeness 
 in their souls beyond the narrowness of other 
 men: and why may we not then think this 
 may embrace more both of heaven and God ? 
 I cannot but conjecture this to be the reason 
 that they, most of them, are poor : they find 
 their minds so solaced with their own flights, 
 that they neglect the study of growing rich : 
 and this, I confess again, I think, turns them 
 to vice and unmanly courses. Besides, they 
 are for the most part mighty lovers of their 
 palates ; and this is known an impoverisher. 
 Antigonus, in the tented field, found Antago- 
 ras cooking of a conger himself. And they 
 all are friends to the grape and liquor; though 
 I think many, more out of a ductile nature, 
 and their love to pleasant company, than 
 their affection to the juice alone. They are 
 all of free natures ; and are the truest defini- 
 tion of that philosopher's man, which gives 
 him animal risible. Their grossest fault is, 
 that you may conclude them sensual : yet this 
 
xn '' OF POETS AND POETRY'' 
 
 does not touch them all. Ingenious for the 
 most part they are. I know there be some 
 rhyming fools; but what have they to do 
 with poetry? When Sallust would tell us 
 that Sempronia's wit was not ill, says he, 
 Potuit versus facere, etjocum movere : *'She 
 could make a verse and break a jest." Some- 
 thing there is in it more than ordinary; in 
 that it is all in such measured language, as 
 may be marred by reading. I laugh heartily 
 at Philoxenus' jest, who passing by, and 
 hearing some masons missensing his lines with 
 their ignorant sawing of them, falls to break- 
 ing their bricks amain. They ask the cause, 
 and he replies, they spoil his work, and he 
 theirs. Certainly, a worthy poet is so far 
 from being a fool, that there is some wit re- 
 quired in him that shall be able to read him 
 well ; and without the true accent, numbered 
 poetry does lose of the gloss. It was a speech 
 becoming an able poet of our own, when a 
 lord read his verses crookedly, and he be- 
 seeched his lordship not to murder him in his 
 own lines. He that speaks false Latin breaks 
 
'' OF POETS AND POETRY'' xm 
 
 Priscian's head ; but he that repeats a verse 
 ill puts Homer out of joint. One thing com- 
 mends it beyond oratory : it ever complieth 
 to the sharpest judgments. He is the best 
 orator that pleaseth all ; even the crowd and 
 clowns. But poetry would be poor, that they 
 should all approve of. If the learned and ju- 
 dicious like it, let the throng bray. These, 
 when it is best, will like it the least. So they 
 contemn what they understand not : and the 
 neglected poet falls by want. Calphurnius 
 makes one complain the misfortune. 
 
 Erange puer calamos, et inanes desere musas: 
 Et potius glandes, rubicundaque collige coma. 
 Due ad mulct ra greges^ et lac venale perurbem 
 Non tacitus porta : Quid enim tibi Ustula 
 
 reddet, 
 Quo tutere famem ? certe^ tnea cartnina nemo 
 Praeter ab his scopulis ventosa remurmurat 
 
 echo. 
 
 Boy, break thy pipes, leave, leave thy fruitless muse : 
 Rather the mast and blood-red cornel choose. 
 Go lead thy flocks to milking ; sell and cry 
 Milk through the city : What can learning buy, 
 To keep back hunger ? None my verses mind, 
 But echo babbling from these rocks and wind. 
 
xiY '* OF POETS AND POETRY'' 
 
 Two things are commonly blamed in poetry : 
 nay, you take away that, if them: and 
 these are lies and flatteries. But I have told 
 them in the Tvorst -words ; for it is only to the 
 shallow insight that they appear thus. Truth 
 may dwell more clearly in an allegory or a 
 moralled fable, than in a bare narration. 
 And for flattery, no man will take poetry lit- 
 eral ; since in commendations it rather shows 
 what men should be, than what they are. If 
 this were not, it would appear uncomely. But 
 we all know hyperboles, in poetry, do bear a 
 decency, nay, a grace along with them. The 
 greatest danger that I find in it is that it 
 wantons the blood and imagination; as 
 carrying a man in too high a delight. To 
 prevent these, let the v^ise poet strive to be 
 modest in his lines. First, that he dash not 
 the gods: next, that he injure not chastity, 
 nor corrupt the ear withlasciviousness. When 
 these are declined, I think a grave poem the 
 deepest kind of writing. It wings the soul 
 up higher than the slacked pace of prose. 
 Flashes that do follow the cup, I fear me, are 
 
'' OF POETS AND POETRY'' xy 
 
 too sprightly to be solid: they run smartly 
 upon the loose, for a distance or two; but 
 then, being foul, they give in and tire. I con- 
 fess I love the sober muse and fasting : from 
 the other, matter cannot come so clear, but 
 that it will be misted with the fumes of wine. 
 Long poetry some cannot be friends withal : 
 and indeed it palls upon the reading. The 
 wittiest poets have been all short, and chang- 
 ing soon their subject: as Horace, Martial, 
 Juvenal, Seneca, and the two comedians. 
 Poetry should be rather like a coranto, short 
 and nimbly lofty ; than a dull lesson of a day 
 long. Nor can it but be deadish, if distended; 
 for, when it is right, it centres conceit, and 
 takes but the spirit of things ; and therefore 
 foolish poesy is of all writing the most ridicu- 
 lous. When a goose dances, and a fool versi- 
 fies, there is sport alike. He is twice an ass 
 that is a rhyming one. He is something the 
 less unwise, that is unwise but in prose. If 
 the subject be history or contexted fable, then 
 I hold it better put in prose, or blanks; for or- 
 dinary discourse never shows so well in metre 
 
XYI ' ' OF POETS AND POETR Y ' ' 
 
 as in the strain that it may seem to be spoken 
 in : the commendation is to do it to the life ; 
 nor is this any other than poetry in prose. 
 Surely, though the world think not so, he is 
 happy to himself that can play the poet. He 
 shall vent his passions by his pen, and ease 
 his heart of their weight : and he shall ofter 
 raise himself a joy in his raptures, which no 
 man can perceive but he. Sure, Ovid found a 
 pleasure in it, even when he writ his Tristia. 
 It gently delivers the mind of distempers, and 
 works the thoughts to a sweetness in their 
 searching conceit. I "would not love it for a 
 profession, and I would not want it for a rec- 
 reation. I can make myself harmless, nay, 
 amending mirth with it, while I should per- 
 haps be trying of a worse pastime. And this 
 I believe in it further, unless conversation cor- 
 rupts his easiness, it lifts a man to nobleness ; 
 and is never in any rightly, but it makes him 
 of a royal and capacious soul." 
 
 Felltham's Resolves : 
 
 Pickering, London, 1840. 
 
CAROLINA 
 DITTIES 
 
INTRODUCTION 
 
 IVrOW doth the gallant Spring 
 ^^ Publish in many a leaf, 
 
 Mocking old Time, the thief 
 Of every mortal thing ; 
 
 Her Winter comes as soon, 
 And all her glory 's past. 
 In one Autumnal waste 
 
 Her every leaf down blown ! 
 
 But, for all that, she says, 
 
 "When comes 'round the season, 
 Though it be 'gainst reason, 
 
 I must seek the bays ! ' ' 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 Then, Muse, awake with Spring! 
 And, though it be beneath 
 The very throne of Death, 
 
 We'll dare awhile to sing ! 
 
 ON BARTHOLDl'S STATUE, NEW YORK 
 HARBOR 
 
 WHILE with such beauty she the world 
 allures, 
 Liberty y Bartholdi, seems less ours than yours; 
 And, should they fall together, who would say, 
 Art had more sufifered or America ? 
 
 ON NEW YORK 
 
 N 
 
 EW York is like a woman : no man 
 Can fully know it or a woman ; 
 So, when you think naught to discover. 
 Turn round and try 'em both all over! 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 '*joE Frank's breeches" 
 
 I sing the noble Carpet-Bagger ! 
 
 Like him, Muse, seek to " cut a £gger.'' 
 
 TN the old days, the gossips tell us, 
 
 ^ The North had breed of noble fellows ; 
 
 So thick at home abroad were scattered, 
 
 To leave more room for those unlittered ; 
 
 As when Religion grows too fat 
 
 It pants into a foreign state. 
 
 And gives its entrails and its views 
 
 To those who have no views to lose. 
 
 Well, these were fellows of such sort, 
 That, had there been any other court 
 But where there fathers sat, they would 
 Have soon escheated back to God, 
 Beyond salvation or of hope, 
 Through that old Chancery cause, a rope 
 But, sniffing in the wind there was 
 Good store of honors for the base, 
 
6 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 Who could teach Ebon how to spell, 
 
 Who only knew the fact to, steal, 
 
 (Besides some other flourishes 
 
 That savages teach savages) 
 
 As frogs, as lice, as many plagues 
 
 As Egypt had, they ply their legs ; 
 
 And at last have, for the most part, 
 
 Or for the most of those had art, 
 
 Arrived at bounds of that old State 
 
 Had met the Devil at the gate, 
 
 But was just now a little sick 
 
 And opposition could not make ; 
 
 Besides, they'd sent their scouts before ; 
 
 Who were stout men enough in war 
 
 (To hang upon the rear, at least. 
 
 And dog-like bay a wounded beast ; 
 
 As, when they could no more engage her, 
 
 Being left behind to help to badger.) 
 
 So entered they 'neath such an escort 
 
 (Besides what came beneath the wes'coat;) 
 
 And, having chosen each his quarter, 
 
 For so much went about to barter ; 
 
 And ran for office or ran for liquor. 
 
 As customer or Fame was quicker ; 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 And with a pack, or with a package, 
 Got pennies, or got homes in wreckage. 
 But '* Joe " was of the milder kind ; 
 And, though it was not rare to find. 
 For parts, one conquering as a lawyer. 
 Another **busy as wood sawyer" 
 Collecting ** chips and whetstones" in, 
 Where only wit could hope to win ; 
 Till, with the aid of his half worser 
 (Skilled at the pinch, but no disburser) 
 Brings in his ship at last so full 
 It proved how ** purser" and he could rule; 
 There was a sort of wit was rare ; 
 And, though we now need not go far 
 To find some samples of the thing, 
 Of virtues then it was the king ; 
 Yes, kept so much to self alone. 
 There was so little, almost none ; 
 But, somehow, "Joe " a little had got him ; 
 And as his neighbors thought about him, 
 Or he appeared unto his wife, 
 The strangest thing, 'twas his belief 
 That, as they saw him, he was so ; 
 In short, as others saw him, saw. 
 
8 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 But, to make this a little clearer, 
 There must in evidence appear here 
 A certain pair of famous trousers ; 
 As famous as those known to browsers. 
 When they recall the famous ** mare " 
 That flung her shoes with luck through Ayr ; 
 And which gave **Joe" as great renown 
 In a no less distinguished town. 
 Yet -whether cold or heat him twitches 
 Into the wonders of such breeches. 
 We can not say ; but there he stood. 
 Be it in cold or in hot blood ; 
 That any passer-by might see 
 His countenance and his legs agree, 
 And that they both received a smile 
 From newness, that might last awhile. 
 Until again Fortune should please 
 To sag the cheek or sag the knees ; 
 But for awhile she too will **try 'em," 
 And Joseph's coat were cheap hung by 'em ! 
 
 Now whether, in this very nick. 
 Truth could have got so to the quick 
 As make his dear companion slattern 
 Prefer Her to his breeches' pattern. 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 9 
 
 And all at once to memory rake up, 
 While looking on the '* wands of Jacob " ; 
 Yet, Truth so in her husband dwelt, 
 He still believed whate'er he felt ; 
 So, when accosted, ** Heavens, Franks! " 
 With reference to 'em, gave his thanks ; 
 Then plucked his legs, as he would skin 'em, 
 *' Yes, very good, but nothing in 'em ! " 
 
 Thus, with "bags" full, their souls held 
 nothing. 
 But were but parts of * * Joe Franks' ' ' clothing ; 
 So, when your Yankee turns and preaches. 
 Turn on your heel, with *'Joe Franks' 
 
 Breeches! " 
 
10 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 THE REPLY 
 
 /^OME, tell me not of war, 
 ^^ I have no fighting fever ; 
 I pledge the gentlest star, 
 And that is Venus ever ! 
 
 In war you're in a hurry. 
 
 You mean to waste and kill ; 
 
 I like to pluck the berry 
 
 And leave the stalk stand still ; 
 
 Yet, think you not much braver, 
 For I have done more far : 
 
 I've lost the heart I gave her, 
 And you've not yet a scar ! 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 11 
 
 THE QUARREL 
 
 NAY! nay! it will not do; the wagging 
 head, 
 
 Hands uplift, nor tongue, nor eye plainly 
 speaks. 
 
 Says, Come, 'tis late, we'll end it now in bed ! 
 
 No, but we will not ; all this something lacks : 
 
 There is a truth ruined, wrecked, and gone 
 forever ; 
 
 Daylight no more ! night, night ! I'll ne'er for- 
 give her ! 
 
 **0 yes, I tell you. . . " Tut, stand off! . . . 
 By Zeus, 
 
 If he got his I do not miss it now, 
 
 In the sweet page of these unwrinkled brows; 
 
 Upon this breast the crow had ne'er lost snow; 
 
 Cheops has builded never like this thigh ; 
 
 Within this girdle Venus anew '11 be got 
 
 Ere Morning wake the world's dim, drivelling 
 eye; 
 
12 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 What fools are they who meddle with a 
 
 thought : 
 A woman gives a woman's deeds the lie ! 
 
 ON A HAIR 
 
 T NE'ER have spent one happy day 
 -^ Since I did count my first grey hair ; 
 Since now I know, whate'er they say, 
 They all are traitors, turncoats, there. 
 
 ON SCIENCE 
 
 l^ATURE likes nothing but love, and 
 
 ^^ Science is. 
 
 As 'twere, one universal hug and kiss. 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 13 
 
 THE SIEGE 
 
 O WOMEN are but other Troys, 
 And like to find the like estate ; 
 They can not stand the Grecian boys 
 
 When they come battling at the gate 
 
 They'll take the proudest citadel, 
 By sword, or fire, or else by guile : 
 
 Let Sinon weep and use his eyes. 
 They'll grant him all his will ! 
 
 Then come, why struggle 'gainst a kiss ? 
 
 E'en Priam's lofty town 
 Fell by as little a thing as this, 
 
 Though Hector was his son : 
 
 Then think you can no more, 
 Though 'd of such a score : 
 
14 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 A Helen is within the heart 
 And she will ope the door ! 
 
 Come, frown not : from either eye 
 Like deities descend ; 
 
 And we will combat, till we die, 
 Unto so sweet an end ! 
 
 THE ROGUE 
 
 ^T 7HILE others only steal the ear, 
 
 '^ '^ Or prisoner take the eye, 
 She steals far deeper, and with her 
 The heart itself doth fly; 
 
 Yet, who 'd complain were fool, indeed, 
 Or has in love small art ; 
 
 For he, who has not lost his head. 
 May soon have back his heart ! 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 15 
 
 THE LAUREL 
 
 ** Thy wish was father, Harry, to that 
 thought.'' 
 
 OTILL 'tis in Britain, with a drunkard's 
 
 eye, 
 We view the *4ion" where we hear the fly; 
 To-day cry up what we to-morrow would 
 Give seas of gold to bury, if we could. 
 Behold the giant ! All straight bow at once : 
 Perchance some Stephen waiting for his stones! 
 Who on a dwarfish wit's Procrustean bed 
 Cuts up more giants than the robber did, 
 To sacrifice unto a hungry Muse 
 The very names 'tis honor not to use ; 
 Wonders himself upon the stir he makes. 
 Yes, half believes as they he too mistakes ; 
 Grows confident apace, believes the common 
 
 lie, 
 And now leads Folly, late was lead thereby ; 
 
16 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 Begins anew to scan what makes 'em wonder, 
 And reads correctness into every blunder ; 
 Puts on atomic specs, to come more near, 
 And 'fore the wit the eye turns worshipper ; 
 Leaves now all else, himself alone to study. 
 Till mind is doubled ere had bent the body ; 
 (For half our youth we gather from the crowd 
 And he is old at once to self has bowed : 
 Once make oblation to that ''Golden Calf" 
 Past are the bounds to reason or to laugh ! ) 
 In future makes the present his chief guide. 
 The present having bought the right to chide ; 
 So cuts off hope of all advancement wholly, 
 Measuring the future by the present folly. 
 
 Hope, grown impoverished on the meager 
 diet. 
 It takes but little now to satisfy it ; 
 Can only hope within the bounds he sets. 
 And, from mere weakness, likes the least it 
 
 gets; 
 While Public Patience proves Penelope 
 Might well have been less wonderful than she; 
 As pirate author seeks through every creek 
 For him who found the sea as he finds Greek ; 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES IT 
 
 Where in one page of floundering rhymes we 
 
 run 
 Into more weather than the Ithican ; 
 Now on a rock, now in whole troughs of 
 
 rhyme, 
 And move and yet move not at the same 
 
 time; 
 So cursed the weather oft we are not sure 
 But 'tis ship-wreck in fact that we endure ; 
 Till Time, with lantern like a Cyclop's eye, 
 Has three times past and cried out, ** I goby!'* 
 
 Yet never fear, bright son of Mercury ! 
 Since, if not laurel, money decks thy tree ; 
 And thou mays't freely pluck, yet never know 
 The difference : there knowledge could not 
 
 grow; 
 Sure of thy bays, thou mays't write only 
 
 when 
 Unusual dullness creeps within thy pen ; 
 Dream not one tittle more thy style 't ad- 
 vance : 
 As thou destruction would 'st fear excellence ! 
 Thou hast far more than such: what more 
 
 canst need ? 
 
18 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 The greatest art of all is to succeed : 
 
 In prosperous paths that lead to writing ill 
 
 What dangerous folly to think to write well ! 
 
 Desist at once, else think still to persist 
 
 In paths the past has proved for thee the 
 
 best; 
 Let others, doubtful of their station, tempt 
 More perfect pains for perfect skill, exempt 
 From danger and from travail, take thy ease, 
 And, richly paid, still all as richly please. 
 
 Nor praise shalt lack, however fools may 
 
 cavil. 
 If not the god of verse thou hast the devil ! 
 And when with earth disgusted may'st 
 
 forego 
 And freely v^ander v^ith the ghosts below ; 
 No *' golden bough "required, thy bays permit 
 Access to all the riches of the pit ; 
 Sad Proserpine will her black blushes quell 
 And Pluto crown thee Laureate of Hell ! 
 Or by the dearer name of '* Alfred " reign 
 The Austin of the shades, as he of men ! 
 Here wonder must yet throng thy leaden 
 
 stage, 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 19 
 
 To view an extinct hero in a cage ; 
 
 Still sighing damsels, though each Muse you 
 
 lose, 
 Worth each a dollar, will no help refuse; 
 Antique old gentlemen will thy scenes rehearse, 
 And praise the ''boy," though they damn the 
 
 verse ; 
 Still History must return of thee to write, 
 The stage's gentlest, last, hermaphrodite ; 
 Still Science thanks you for the curious gift. 
 And now but asks the head that has it left ! 
 
 Does great Mark Antony, in evil hour, 
 Forsake the Empire (of a school) for hoer, 
 And sacrifice the mighty Rule of Three 
 For empty arms of widowed Poetry ? 
 Who, to draw from one age one single tear. 
 Kills centuries to come, struck through the 
 
 ear; 
 And far more crime commits, by hellish verses, 
 Than all men do, for which he all men curses ; 
 'Gainst all the rules of reason yet allowed, 
 A million ills sends forth to pluck one good ; 
 Who rules conception by the sound he makes, 
 Till each believes he feels because he shakes ; 
 
20 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 From the great Chancer^^ of Law and Prose 
 Arraigns Creation 'fore a Charles-like Muse, 
 And, short redress, cuts off the Muse's head, 
 To save the Commonwealth, and perhaps for 
 
 bread ! 
 Or is it, where Atlantic great meets small. 
 Loud Marlowe with a w^oman's pipe doth 
 
 call 
 On kittenish Love ; who, 'faith, for a drab 
 Of his owTi lackey got the tickling stab, 
 Yet, once in Paradise of lace bestowed, 
 W'oos Eve's soft ear in stature of a toad ? 
 Or is it, then, that great almighty pen 
 Erst wrote '' The Sleeping Car " awake again. 
 Proving to write on up to age's par 
 Is quite as possible as at first to err ? 
 Or is it, with the grace of God grown cold. 
 Some parson tinkling in the quiet fold. 
 Shows in his verses he's the Arithmetic 
 So well he can count ten, like our Van Dyke ? 
 Or, those your homed and hoofed gentlemen, 
 Erewhile on Western plains rode ponies in, 
 With herds of cattle, into herds of rhyme. 
 Thinking to sing 'em for they once did tie 'em? 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 21 
 
 Who would in moccasins creep up on Fame, 
 
 Or with a lasso catch the flying dame ! 
 
 Or from rough hills, where never goat had 
 
 dared, 
 Reach heights above what Babel ever shared ; 
 Whence, like old Moses from the Mount de- 
 scending. 
 Bring down the tables with the like pretend- 
 ing; 
 (Which shows the Devil may there yet appear 
 And teach a poet to out-lie a seer !) 
 Or your Canadian with his snowy bays, 
 Surprised to find they melt 'neath hotter rays ? 
 Returns to-morrow, who came yesterday, 
 And as much pleased returning as to stray ; 
 Convinced the Muses now are country- 
 women, 
 So damns the city, but far more damns 
 
 Famine ! 
 Some curt New Englander, believes his town 
 Should not, like him, forever be unknown ; 
 Shakes the **dry bones" of Ancestry with 
 
 song 
 And household history makes a public wrong! 
 
22 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 Some flop-eared Southerner, just learned to 
 
 bray, 
 Observed because observed to be astray ! 
 Or unkissed virgin brings forth poetry 
 Of tenderer sound, to buzz an *' F. F. Y." 
 And steal the ear-wax of a family ! 
 And sells a shawl, a bureau, or a bed. 
 To clear the way to read or to be read ? 
 Who, with less wit than manners, bowing, 
 
 vow 
 A God-knows-what unto a God-knows- who ! 
 Or, is 't some peerless peer, of wit o'er trusty. 
 Who would scour up a pedigree grown rusty, 
 And proves his father was, as all had known, 
 A fool unequaled, save by greater son ? 
 Some Welshman addled by sheep's fast in- 
 creasing ? 
 Some Scot grown honest and at last confess- 
 ing? 
 Some Irish lamb or yev^ in bog lost bleating? 
 Or hardy scribe his thirty acts completing ? 
 Nat Lee revived in Bedlam, sadly frenzied 
 To think to finish, or to have commenced it ; 
 Proving, if Nonsense has at last fled from us. 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 23 
 
 There is 'gainst Reason yet one "doubting 
 
 Thomas,'' 
 Who still prefers the old way and the blind 
 To five fair acts, with the five senses joined ! 
 Or do those seven-months bards, or else born 
 
 dead. 
 Find resurrection at the Bodley Head, 
 From grated lines their grated comments wail 
 While every line is a new monkey's tail ? 
 Does fire enforce a Gosse grow so unwise 
 As bathe in ink and show the flesh he is ? 
 Or * * * whose mirth seems like chattering 
 
 teeth 
 In the loose mouth of should-be silent Death? 
 Discoursing on a spoon, that soon must use it. 
 The epic poet of a china closet ! 
 Or doth rough Esau break the laurels round 
 
 him, 
 That more than Daphne tremble ere she found 
 
 'em? 
 That Rhodes in rhyme, that muddled Indian 
 
 Swami, 
 Seven seas too small, and yet one line too 
 
 roomy ! 
 
24^ CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 Who would each lucky ancient Muse defy 
 
 And iuYOcate a new Geography ! 
 
 Joined with the "Jack" in conquest of all 
 
 climes, 
 And where it steals a country he steals 
 
 rhymes ? 
 Awhile they fool us, for awhile we view 
 And hear enraptured what enraptured few. 
 Or, maybe, took a world by storm and ears, 
 (O happy ear that ne'er such storm once 
 
 hears!) 
 We bow an hour; then curse the hour we 
 
 bowed, 
 And turn, O Phoebus, to the ancient crowd ! 
 'Midst whom thou standest Pope, in simile, 
 A smiling Samos mid a tossing sea : 
 So near to land plain men can hear thee speak, 
 Yet poet too, while poets round thee wreck ! 
 Thou cut'st **the lock" so nimbly. Pope, I 
 
 swear 
 Fame will, in honor, one less lock still wear ! 
 In body wretched, though in honor safe, 
 See Heaven's bright angel opes the door but 
 
 half: 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 25 
 
 ** Can such a body bring here such a soul ? " 
 A Dunciad smiles, and back the bright doors 
 roll! 
 
26 CARNLINA DITTIES 
 
 ON MRS.— LOSING A FINGER 
 
 ^npHIS flowery woman, pulled to pieces, 
 -*- Yields nought but lips, each fit for 
 
 kisses ; 
 As those dissevered creepers so much 
 Alike in all head '11 shoot from stomach ; 
 And, cut 'em spank in-two where you will. 
 To-morrow they'll meet and fight in duel ; 
 So, Nature made one dame so exactly, 
 She's in each piece set more compactly ; 
 That, tho' she have now but nine fingers, 
 That other weeps each one here lingers ; 
 And, to a woman as fair growing. 
 Will call to-morrow, ask how she's doing ; 
 Not in vile dirt and mire rot. 
 Like those chopped from the common lot ; 
 That she from surgery's worst 's exempt, 
 Since springing fresh at each attempt ; 
 Till from the old stock (it cannot fade) 
 At last no more cuttings can be had ; 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 27 
 
 And from existence she thus sHp, 
 Immortal in her smallest chip. 
 
 THE RISE AND FALL OF THE REIGN OF 
 THE DEYIL. 
 
 ^npHE Devil came up from Hell, they say, 
 -*- To visit a noble state ; 
 But, liked so much what he found in his way. 
 
 Became a candidate ; 
 And greatly at the business thrives, 
 
 For "he must go the Devil drives." 
 
 He crossed about from place to place, 
 
 With devils at his heels ; 
 And, if you looked upon his face, 
 
 It but one eye reveals ; 
 Which showed that he'd a single eye 
 
 At whatsoever he would spy. 
 
28 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 So long his throne he held above, 
 
 As long as he could stay ; 
 And some did fear and some did love, 
 
 But he must now away ; 
 For great rebellion starts below. 
 
 And he as well below must go ; 
 For, in his absence thence, you know, 
 
 Might be ''the devil to pay ! " 
 
 THE CONFESSION 
 
 r^UPID held a lock 
 ^^ Of his mother's hair, 
 While about did flock 
 
 Thousands 'round him there ; 
 
 Begging for a strand, 
 
 Which the boy refused them ; 
 Till at last each hand 
 
 Plucked and tore and mussed him. 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 29 
 
 Venus hearing this 
 
 Came into the scuffle ; 
 Saying, **See you not who 'tis 
 
 You thus tease and ruffle ? 
 
 'Tis my darling son, 
 
 'Tis my precious Cupid ! 
 Villains, every one. 
 
 See you what you do there ! " 
 
 But reply got none, 
 
 All stood stocks and stupid ; 
 Beauty grew one frown, 
 
 Cupid cried '' O mother ! " 
 
 When straight every hand, 
 
 Quick as it had power, 
 Lifted up a strand 
 
 Of her hair to show her ; 
 Love straight grew more bland, 
 
 Ceased on them to lower : 
 
30 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 " *Bout my hair is it ? 
 
 Have YOU not observed, then, 
 That 'tis false ? ' ' Hereat 
 
 Back her wig she shoved then ; 
 
 Fell straight every head, 
 Beaten all they left her ; 
 
 Cupid smiling said, 
 
 '' Mamma, you're a dabster ! " 
 
 "But, my boy," cried Venus, 
 
 " If you only knev^. 
 E'en for your life, between us, 
 
 How hard it was to do ! " 
 
 ON LOW-NECK AND SHORT-SLEEVES 
 
 \T 70MEN know they are prize-boxes ; 
 ^ ^ So, open a little, in order to coax us. 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 31 
 
 ON BOOK-WORMS 
 
 ^HE dull ass, that can 
 -■- In books content his soul, has none 
 While he has wisdom in the yoke, 
 Who kisses while he turns the book. 
 
 ON A POT OF COFFEE 
 
 TJTERE is more alchemy than of old ; 
 ^■^ For 'twixt this mist and dregs lies gold, 
 Like that now seen in yonder East 
 That cook Aurora serves her guest. 
 
 There in her apron, spick and span, 
 I see her waiting on her man ; 
 Who pufifs and blows, and, with a pinch, 
 Tells her it's '' Good ! " in lovers' French. 
 
32 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 ON A FAIR WENCH A FOOL 
 
 A S oft by goods set 'fore a shop, 
 -^^ We here are led too much to hope : 
 The whole stock out of door is seen, 
 And 'tis lost time to go within. 
 
 Thus your poor author binds his books 
 And sells himself at what he looks ; 
 So Nature, having fools to sell, 
 As she 's done you, she frills 'em well. 
 
 THE COMFORTABLE DAME 
 
 T LOVED a comfortable dame, 
 
 ■^ Of no especial beauty ; 
 
 She knew not Homer from a ham. 
 
 Or Helen from plain Hetty ; 
 But she could make up beds and sew. 
 
 And cook to suit the preacher ; 
 Had a good fat hand, the one, you know. 
 
 That proves a butter maker ; 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 33 
 
 She knew just how to feed a cow, 
 
 Wouldn't give her fodder to dry her ; 
 
 Could sit a horse, and make him go. 
 Without a lackey by her ; 
 
 Could call my dogs, each by his name, 
 Knew the hen she shouldn't kill, too ; 
 O the praises of just such a dame 
 Would leave my goose no quill, too ! 
 
 Confound it all! there was but one 
 Bless'd thing at which to cavil : 
 
 She was not comfortable on 
 The subject of the Devil ! 
 
 Now a woman's past, my word upon't. 
 But proves the timber seasoned ; 
 
 But a women with a " future " won't 
 Do for the time that 's present ! 
 
34 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 ON BEAUTY 
 
 TDEAUTY 's for use, or should be : 
 -*^ No perfect Beauty if she 's lazy ; 
 But, somehow, it seems to me, 
 Ugly people alone keep busy. 
 
 THE gUERY 
 
 T)OLLY hangs her clothes out sunning ; 
 ^ But, sweet Polly's breast's so warm, 
 I wonder is not Polly punning : 
 Cooling clothes in her alarm ? 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 35 
 
 TO A ROSE SENT HIS MISTRESS 
 
 C^ O, rose ! and in her sunny hair 
 ^-^ You shall forget the dew, 
 That hung the stars about you here : 
 Her lips will give you new ! 
 
 Go, rose ! and in her hair ne'er think 
 
 Of sunny beam reft you ; 
 Of cups of gold where you did drink : 
 
 Her eyes will give you new ! 
 
 Sweet rose, if you one note should miss 
 Of bird that round you flew, 
 
 Her throat the mock-bird's bower is, 
 And he will give you new ! 
 
 Fair rose, if you deplore some vine 
 That v^antoned v^here you grew. 
 
36 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 Her fingers will as sweetly twine, 
 And they will give you new ! 
 
 Go, rose ! and, if you chance to fade 
 
 And lose your odor so, 
 Upon her breast drop down your head : 
 
 Her breath will give you new ! 
 
 So, rose : and, if you die at last. 
 
 Beneath her foot lie low ; 
 And, when she once has on you pressed, 
 
 That grace will spring you new ! 
 
 TO YIOLETTA 
 
 T 7I0LETTA ! what will you 
 
 ^ Match me with those eyes of blue ? 
 What conceit can fit the face 
 Where those eyes like planets blaze ? 
 But more perfect, but more bright. 
 True lights, but yet far more than light : 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 37 
 
 Your philosophic Hght is " dry," 
 'Neath dewdrops here two violets lie : 
 Your "dry light" may be more intellectual, 
 But Yioletta's more effectual ! 
 
 In science 'twere the wreath to toil, 
 A light would shine and never boil ; 
 Come ! what has love to do with truth ? 
 Baking with the cheeks of youth ? 
 Yioletta's eyes are blue, 
 Violetta '11 boil you too ! 
 
 CUPID BLIND 
 
 T T 7HY, why, repine at pleasures flown ? 
 ^ ^ 'Tis but the glass run out. 
 And we can call again each one 
 By turning it about ! 
 
 "Doth age then take no interest up ? 
 
 May v^e live on, and yet 
 Eat still the pie and drain the cup. 
 
 As we'd ne'er drunk or eat ? " 
 
38 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 Yes, yes, I think to-morrow is 
 
 But another day like this ; 
 For, till those stars have left thine eyes, 
 Cupid will ne'er have his ; 
 
 And, being blind, how can he see 
 Old wrinkles when they come ? 
 
 And I'll not tell him, sweet, till he 
 Hath stumbled on a tomb ! 
 
 ON REPENTANCE 
 
 O 
 
 WOULD I were two days off from this sin! 
 Then should I wish to do the like again. 
 
 A PROPER WIFE 
 
 UT7 ARIETY'S the spice of life," 
 
 ^ But, in a woman, it is a wife ; 
 For she, who has no wit to be contrary. 
 Should still dam on and knit, but never marry. 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 39 
 
 THE FLY 
 
 A H, what rare colors do surprise mine eye, 
 -^^ In this little scarce distinguished fly ! 
 Th' excess of form is Nature's blot, 
 When heaven lies trembling in a mote ; 
 And that so small this little fly 
 Might well escape a sage's eye ; 
 That at the bungling Fortune shrugs. 
 And shoots men plagues unknown to bugs : 
 And, with more glory still more pain. 
 Who'd not bug rather be than man ? 
 
 We are great misconceived creatures. 
 Whose smiles spread acres o'er our features. 
 And frowns so many rods must run. 
 Ere subtle rage can make it known ; 
 The mathematic point of truth 
 Lost thus in a wild- wood of growth. 
 Who would not rather have one jewel 
 Than carboned hills fit but for fuel ? 
 Or in one volume hold his poem 
 
40 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 Than have old Homer talking to him ? 
 
 Or would the rose that it doth yield 
 
 Renounce for title to the field ? 
 
 Or would not hope's one drop prefer 
 
 To actual seas in which to err ? 
 
 Or would give up that present kiss 
 
 For the ten thousand we then miss ? 
 
 Whene'er was emperor bore such pomp 
 Upon his head as he on rump ? 
 What tailor has prepared his clothes 
 Of such good cut and of such gloss ? 
 His liveried wings might Psyche bear 
 To Venus' son, a prisoner, 
 In rose shut up by thrifty bee. 
 To see if, in reality. 
 Love was all honey, as they say ; 
 So small, I fear he'd have to stay : 
 Indeed, his only way to reach 
 His audience is to make it itch. 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 41 
 
 ON LORD TENNYSON 
 
 A 
 
 SUGAR-CANDY prater, so entirely dull 
 One lucky line seems treason to the whole. 
 
 ON COUNTRY LIFE 
 
 "^OT witty enough to play the fool, 
 ^^ Not wise enough to go astray, 
 Ne'er once so hot as need to cool : 
 
 They naturally take *' the narrow way; ** 
 Are good because 'tis hard to sin, 
 
 To be a rogue is quite above 'em ; 
 Temptation throws but one look in, 
 
 And hopeless grows to ever move 'em: 
 Exempted thus from every evil. 
 
 Where Sloth is mightier than the Devil ! 
 
42 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 "T T 70MEN, like owls, can see by night ; 
 
 ^ ^ Men, like asses to a trough, 
 Stumble when they 'd go most light : 
 Angels have four feet in love ! 
 
 Never yet was man v^ho could 
 Hide the flag flown in his blood. 
 
 I've known some who thought they did. 
 
 But woman thinks twice to their once ; 
 
 And lo ! they winked, but her light lid 
 Had winked again upon a dunce. 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 45 
 
 THE CASE OF THE COLLARD AND 
 THE PUMPKIN 
 
 ^T^HE Collard and the Pumpkin came 
 •^ In on either hip of the old dame ; 
 And each the first to be in pot 
 Besought her, and to be eaten hot ; 
 While thus the old lady, much befuddled 
 At the tight case, up back step toddled ; 
 But, once in kitchen well arrived. 
 The controversy more hot revived. 
 
 You may well reckon how that the house 
 Was set in great commotion thus. 
 When I say true she was not able 
 To silence the matter, though *4aid on 
 
 table;" 
 When, laying her hand on Pumpkin's cheek, 
 Said, ''Never let what I say break 
 Your heart." Here Pumpkin's nose, though 
 
 green. 
 Turned better to sniff, and she began. 
 
44 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 But first she here, I should have added, 
 
 Lay bonnet aside and stood bareheaded ; 
 
 What 's more, as I may say I've heard. 
 
 Nor here may be out of place declared, 
 
 She was a good round dame, besides, 
 
 Before, behind, as ere made beds ; 
 
 Herself such pattern at each stoop 
 
 As told just how to beat 'em up ; 
 
 Whose praises were no whit o'erlarded, 
 
 Though there by every quill recorded ; 
 
 Her arms at elbow well were dimpled. 
 
 Her neck like sour cream was crimpled ; 
 
 Such hands as pies and cakes delight in, 
 
 And where she walks the flowers all brighten, 
 
 Her eyes so merry beam, her cheeks 
 
 So rosy red, and each so shakes. 
 
 I could here hold you further to hint 
 
 She was ** predestined " to this point ; 
 
 Besides of jovial disposition. 
 
 And, as they say, had **made provision;" 
 
 But now a case before her stands, 
 
 Justice and dinner on it depends. 
 
 "For really I must say," 'twas thus, 
 Uninterrupted, came the voice, 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 45 
 
 In sympathetic strains outflowing, 
 'Twixt vegetable woes a-brewing, 
 *' My dears, I must say * no ' to one 
 Or t'other of you, whatever's done! " 
 
 A sigh now rose from out her breast, 
 Showing how much she was distressed ; 
 A time to press, if either claimant 
 Had wit to see and catch the dame in*t. 
 Here Collard shook his leaves and rolled 
 Some on the floor, as though more bold, 
 There on their knees, they would entreat her. 
 And now she was as tight beset, sir, 
 As any queen by suitors begging ; 
 While 'twixt 'em two her head went wagging. 
 Quoth Pumpkin, ** You may well rely 
 I'm quicker cooked, and nicer — try! 
 Your fire I'll not spoil by o'erboiling 
 And take no meat, that 's now high-selling." 
 Here Collard, shaking from eyes the drops, 
 Anew addressed to throne his hopes : 
 *' How far more tender, young, am I, ma'am. 
 And so unfit to debate, you see, ma'am; 
 But 'fore your honor no brazen face 
 Can win from justice now his case. 
 
46 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 I have no seed like Squash to bother 
 (I get this virtue from my mother) 
 No rind to peel away, I'm ready 
 To jump into the pot — see, Lady ! " 
 
 It Tvere not easy now to tell 
 With what high, scornful syllable 
 The lordly Pumpkin made reply ; 
 Un wreathed his vine of ancestry : 
 From Jonah's Gourd his house began ; 
 But, like the same concerns in man, 
 He had improved his early stock, 
 Which green as Collard at first might look ; 
 And, though it made him blush to own it. 
 He could with pride too think upon it, 
 The part that he himself did play 
 In brightening up his family tree ; 
 And, from a dull and leaden stage, 
 In him behold the Golden Age ! 
 But with the Squash he denied relation ; 
 When Collard broke on his narration. 
 As nose-at-law that smelt a rat. 
 And v^ould to Denmark lead debate : 
 ''Though I so long a line boast not, 
 I hope one yet as free from blot ; 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 47 
 
 Nor is it he the farthest goes, 
 
 But he that still the purest shows ; 
 
 And, though it may not seem so much, 
 
 I may, if no more, this avouch : 
 
 That from first day my house began. 
 
 Though just where Bible makes not plain, 
 
 Till that wherein to-day I'm living, 
 
 And, I thank God, too somewhat thriving, 
 
 There never yet was old or young. 
 
 In all the list, by neck got hung ; 
 
 Which is far more ..." but here they fell 
 
 Both by the ears at once pell-mell. 
 
 Old Goodam now was much put to it. 
 
 And took up knife to see if 't would cut ; 
 
 When, passing same o'er thumb to test it. 
 
 By chance (or Fate may have assisted) 
 
 The keen edge slipped, the member bled : 
 
 '* That vote is mine ! " straight Pumpkin cried; 
 
 But CoUard, hastening with his leaf. 
 
 Wrapped up the v^ound and brought relief; 
 
 When, swaddling up its finger greater. 
 
 The Bench sat squat upon the matter. 
 
 Till, lo ! what dirge e'er rung since Adam 
 
 E'er sounded half so sad to a dame ? 
 
48 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 The clock struck twelve ; the Court arose, 
 Shook out its apron, and wiped its nose. 
 Cried thrice '' Ay, me ! " " 'Tis now too late 
 To cook you either, what will they eat?" 
 
 THE LINK 
 
 T)HYLLIS, all thy charms have left thee, 
 ^ All thy graces long have fled thee. 
 Why more constant, why more steady, 
 Persist I to linger 'round ? 
 
 Phyllis, fortune too *s bereft me, 
 
 But two hairs I've to make ready, 
 
 And with the spoon again I've fed me. 
 Hence I am as tightly bound ! 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 49 
 
 ON WOMAN 
 
 A LL other delights grow poor and com- 
 -^-^ mon, 
 
 Joy wears alone the form of woman : 
 Other shapes she may put on, 
 Perfect only in this one. 
 
 THE KISS 
 
 O 
 
 DIVINE difference, by which 
 We are, and thus can touch ! 
 
50 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 hymen's calendar: or, when to marry 
 
 ^OUNG men early, 
 ^ Young maids rarely ; 
 Old folks never, 
 Prime folks ever ; 
 The gay widow when she can, 
 And the old maid any man : 
 But, the merry bachelor. 
 Let him do it if he dare! 
 
 EPITAPH ON A DEBTOR 
 
 OTRIKE out the naughts from his account, 
 ^ The digits come to no great amount : 
 He thought in millions but performed in tens. 
 And still ** to-morrow" was to-day's defense; 
 Now, there's no to-morrow left, what will 
 
 he do? 
 Why, roundly bid Death, no doubt, "Be 
 
 damned and sue ! " 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 51 
 
 \ S those know nothing still will vapor, 
 "^"^ As legs the lightest most will caper, 
 Of this and that we were discoursing : 
 Of how old she, when he was nursing ; 
 Who looked like father, who like mother, 
 Of this good couple, that bad other ; 
 How little she knew what to do 
 With money, who'd been poor till now ; 
 How hard to teach old dogs new tricks, 
 How soon they'll die that Heaven likes ; 
 Who should, but wouldn't, whip her baby, 
 Who always neat, who always shabby ; 
 What old-time honor was and is. 
 And if there's now such thing as this ; 
 Who last the doctor was seen going to. 
 And who the parson late was bo^ng to ; 
 How young she looked, how old he seemed, 
 And how no one alive had dreamed 
 Of such a thing, at such a time. 
 
52 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 That he'd have her, that she'd have him ; 
 How dear was money, when it had rained, 
 And when 'twould be fit to plow land ; 
 How hard it was just now to get eggs. 
 And wrhen it would be best to set eggs ; 
 And was odd number to be chosen, 
 One either more or less than dozen ; 
 Or could the hen the difference tell? 
 Or was it Fortune did rebel, 
 And ostracised the unlucky fowl 
 Had dared the oddities of her rule ? 
 
 If any one there of the party 
 Did recollect the year of '40 ? 
 When this or that was like to 've been. 
 Or was, and by whom it was seen ; 
 Then of a creek that used to run 
 Up-hill, and now again ran down ; 
 And who had seen it, and would swear to it. 
 And who had seen it, but ne'er been near to it; 
 Then of the state, then of the country ; 
 As of the leaders all and sundry : 
 Of him was false, and him was true, 
 Of who knew nothing, who all knew ; 
 How he was sure to win was "running," 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 53 
 
 How he who wouldn't proved his cunning ; 
 How he'd so much and he had no character, 
 And how at last all is due to character ; 
 Then of the war that then was raging, 
 And why he was, he not, engaging ; 
 How far the contest yet had got on. 
 And who so far the best had gotten ; 
 What meant this point, what should have 
 
 been done. 
 As we'd all just come back from Linden ; 
 With this and that, and all about it. 
 And how old ''Bob" and ''Jack" had 
 
 fought it ; 
 When madam, gazing through her glasses. 
 Like angel peering on our faces. 
 And as she felt what she was saying. 
 With certain signs of former praying, 
 And wrinkling brow to show the field. 
 And bending hand to make us yield, 
 Said 'twas the last of cat-and-dog, 
 " ' Tis all now twixt Magog and Gog ! " 
 When some, had not heard all at first. 
 Proposed great reasons why the thirst 
 Of blood, to stint which many pray for, 
 
54 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 Had yet full many a worthy wherefore ; 
 
 But she, as though she spoke the doom 
 
 Of all that was, is, or to come. 
 
 And shaking head like baby rattle, 
 
 As there were hung the scales of battle. 
 
 Informed us all, wrapt in the fog, 
 
 'Twas only now '* Magog and Gog !" 
 
 Then crossed her hands within her lap. 
 
 And left us struggling to escape. 
 
 With loss of world to save good raanners. 
 
 And yield the victory for the '* honors ; " 
 
 While some would laugh, and some would 
 
 ponder. 
 But all observed it was a "wonder; " 
 And, toward it moved by various causes, 
 We crowned the lady with applauses. 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 55 
 
 TO "jUNO"; 
 
 ON HER PRESENTING HIM WITH A 
 FEATHER PILLOW 
 
 T^ULL harsh the sea-bird's breast to me, 
 ^ Though wanton w^inds do often choose it 
 Alack ! sweet love, the thought of thee 
 What but thy bosom can repose it ? 
 
 Would Jove on Juno's breast forego 
 
 To drowse on heaps of honied roses ? 
 
 Though Cupid fanned them with his bow, 
 I' faith, methinks the god refuses ! 
 
 Then think me not to cheat so well, 
 
 As that with feathers I'll be trading ; 
 
 Or, if thou wilt, a kiss may sell ; 
 
 But put in that and I'll be lading : 
 
 Else do I hold it for a feather. 
 
 Soon blown away in love's rude weather! 
 
56 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 ON A STRAWBERRY 
 
 TTERE is a girl all heart ! 
 -*--*- I've never seen one like her : 
 Then, sweet one, ere we part, 
 
 Let's grow a little ' 'thicker ! " 
 
 THE CURL 
 
 TT7HAT were to me old Aeson's fleece, 
 
 ^ ^ Though every hair were worth a dollar. 
 And Heaven had changed each flea till his 
 Coat too were of the proper color ; 
 
 Though dew-drops there had turned to pearls, 
 And motes and specks were diamonds sun- 
 dered ; 
 There were yet more in this girl's curls. 
 
 Where sunlight makes each worth a 
 hundred ! 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 57 
 
 THE COMMON LOT 
 
 ^npHE griefs of the widow lie in the tomb, 
 ^ The maid's He in her eye ; 
 The good wife's are thick as the straws in her 
 broom, 
 And the grandam's never dry; 
 
 The wifeless wag thinks he's undone. 
 
 The yoked ox feels the gall ; 
 The youngster starts at his mistress' frown. 
 
 And the old Jack at a shawl ! 
 
 THE MYSTERY 
 
 T SWEAR I love you not ; 
 ■^ And yet I know not why, 
 When I have thought you were forgot. 
 Within my thoughts you still are brought, 
 Still linger in mine eye ! 
 
58 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 Is it the parting kiss 
 
 Will never quite depart ; 
 That, when I think I now do miss you, 
 'Tis but then the greater pleasure, 
 
 That I'm then in thy heart ? 
 
 ON THE READING ROOM, 
 COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY, N. Y. 
 
 HERE might meet once again that ancient 
 Senate, 
 Yet scarcely miss their fathers' shadows in it; 
 Such gravity, such stern delight, we feel. 
 The mind turns marble and the body steel ; 
 Great deeds begin in us afresh to brew, 
 As that great age were not alone in view ; 
 Blood beats that had before within us slept. 
 And to seize arms our spirits up have leapt : 
 Such colors and such lines before us mixed 
 As Jove might show with Venus standing 
 next: 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 59 
 
 INTRODUCTION TO **DAY's PARLIAMENT OF 
 
 bees" 
 
 r^OME along with me, 
 
 ^^ Ye who would strains hear 
 
 That no man leaves free 
 
 If they find his ear, 
 But, like sirens, they 
 
 Will bind him at their will 
 
 To listen and hear still, 
 
 Till his heart shall die 
 Or the poetry ; 
 Such strange potency 
 
 In these leaves doth lie : 
 You who would not be 
 
 Of their company. 
 While your steps are free. 
 
 Fly, O fly ! 
 
60 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 ON EMPIRE 
 
 'npHE vast estates of skin and bones 
 -^ Sufficient are for human thrones ; 
 And he a captain is, indeed, 
 Who conqueror is of one round head ; 
 While he who can extend his sway. 
 Make every quarter give him way, 
 From top to toe, as on he goes. 
 Far more than Caesar did he does : 
 Through blood and belly as he pushed 
 Found out the worlds the Grecian wished. 
 
 TO SOME LADIES, EXCUSING JEALOUSY 
 
 TDYGMALION, sweets, was not content 
 "*" With his one marble dear ; 
 But when he once had caught the hint 
 Still sought to make one more fair ; 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 61 
 
 So bent this hair a little back, 
 
 Then cast anew that nose ; 
 Laid still more cream upon this cheek, 
 
 Dropped dews into that rose ; 
 
 And still he liked her not for this, 
 
 And tried another stone ; 
 For still he sought that perfect kiss 
 
 In lips was never known ; 
 
 Till these fair ladies, like you girls, 
 
 Did on each other stare ; 
 Then straight their hands plucked off their 
 curls, 
 
 And tore their marble hair ! 
 
 Then, if hard stone, that coldest is. 
 
 Not jealousy withstood. 
 For chiseller man, can you do less. 
 
 Who are poor flesh and blood ? 
 
62 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 TO HIS MISTRESS GETTING GREY 
 
 ^npHIS silvery wire, that once was gold, 
 -^ Still holds me on as tight ; 
 For I'm not one can change, grow cold, 
 For but a hair grows white ; 
 
 There's yet an angel in that eye, 
 
 A Cupid looks from this ; 
 And these shall play us, you and I, 
 
 And as our true selves kiss : 
 
 Then, when we can't keep up the war. 
 These still our agents are ; 
 
 And, whatsoe'er they do or say. 
 
 We grant 'em liberty ! 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 63 
 
 AGAINST WEEPING 
 
 T OWN I sometimes long to weep, 
 -^ But when I see another do 't, 
 I then do swear, whate'er shall hap, 
 I will be constant mute ! 
 
 The rain doth wear the hardest stone. 
 And hearts I think no more ; 
 
 So, I'll not care to break this one. 
 Unless I had a score ! 
 
64 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 AN EXCUSE FOR WEEPING 
 
 ^T^HIS love of ours, dear, 
 -^ Is like the earthly flowers, dear ; 
 
 And niust have water, must have sun. 
 Or it will ne'er be grown, dear ! 
 
 Then, if I weep, my dear. 
 
 Thine eyes bright keep, my dear ; 
 
 For, 'less 'tis so, there'll be no dew. 
 Nor any sun but you, my dear ! 
 
 Then a pearl think each tear, dear, 
 Dropped in the curl o' his hair, dear; 
 
 That only shines when you look down. 
 Till we do kiss in one, dear ! 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 65 
 
 THE SNARE 
 
 T^AIREST, since you cannot see 
 ^ What so moves, yet fetters, me, 
 Let me better than your glass, 
 Which can only show your face, 
 Tell you what at length I find 
 To distract, yet please, my mind ; 
 (Since such glass can only show 
 What the best translators do. 
 Spoiled rhymes turned into prose. 
 Six chamber-maids for every Muse, 
 That like fallen angels tell 
 That the fairest did rebel) 
 Let me Hke a little poet. 
 Since a greater's not to do it, 
 Make of virgin rhymes a book 
 Where your soul can better look. 
 Than the naked eyes of flesh 
 In the crystal brook or glass : 
 Come to school to me awhile. 
 And I'll teach you every wile. 
 
66 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 Every beauty, that way -lays 
 Souls whose eye-balls dare to gaze ; 
 Till, one term in Cupid's college. 
 You'll love the teacher for his knowledge ! 
 
 ON THE FIRE IN THE ALEXANDRIAN LIBRARY 
 
 r^ OOD God ! behold the monarch how he 
 ^-^ strides : 
 
 Here snuffs a king and there a queen divides ; 
 O'er Homer's sentences he can not scan 
 Draws one red flourish, like an idiot man ; 
 Thumbs Zeno but an instant, Euclid damns: 
 Each gives one glance and then to all gives 
 
 flames ; 
 As when old Jupiter unto Semele brought 
 His golden fires, and as she kissed she caught! 
 A blazing Proteus, and all shapes assuming. 
 He meets himself, astonished, two ways com- 
 ing; 
 A ruin himself, he on himself must fall. 
 And only lives Destruction through it all. 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 67 
 
 Puffed up with wit, the flaming ruffian grows 
 As wildly frolic as a drunken Muse, 
 Bums in more shapes than ever fire yet knew, 
 While to poetic madness all is due ; 
 Now like a cloud grows thick, as 'twere un- 
 learnt, 
 And straight we know some heavy sophist 's 
 
 burnt; 
 Rises again on superhuman wings. 
 And straight we know 'tis Sappho flaming 
 
 sings ! 
 Through all shapes onward like a player goes, 
 And yet 's reality in all he does : 
 Now rolls a serpent, now a fury stalks ; 
 Roars like a bully, now a harlot talks ; 
 Shrinks, then, as full of wild audacity, 
 Like Samson grappling, leaves the empty sky: 
 Flat on his face, like to old Dagon knocked, 
 The hellish monster writhes, with learning 
 choked ! 
 
68 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 TO A FRENCH BELLE 
 
 ^T^HESE stupid clods, that make believe 
 -^ By God they were created human, 
 And only some dull ass deceive, 
 
 Ne'er sav^ a man, ne'er saw a woman, 
 By Heaven ! if they by you are seen, 
 We know how monkeys came from men. 
 
 There is no difference, it is true, 
 
 Between the sun that lights yon zenith 
 And that to-morrow '11 be in view. 
 
 Or that as fast that now declineth : 
 A common purpose runs, no doubt. 
 From vegetable into brute ; 
 
 Yet, though philosophy may prate 
 And equal rights to all be given, 
 
 I sw^ear I think a little late 
 
 The ugly '11 be admitted Heaven ! 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 69 
 
 Bright then as day, and first to go 
 
 Into the great wing-dressed assembly, 
 
 Pray think on those you've met below, 
 And slip me in, as of the family ! 
 
 TO THE SAME 
 
 THE rich applaud thy country's wine, 
 But I'm more blest, though poor : 
 When thy two eyes had looked on mine 
 Carnegie had no more ! 
 
 Too poor to pay for rich champagne, 
 I looked into those eyes again ! 
 
 Look on me then, again, and I'll 
 
 Speak French as well as you : 
 The lexicon lies in thy smile. 
 Each meaning in my view ; 
 
 And, if my lips pronounce amiss, 
 'Tis ^^parlez vous^^ would be a kiss ! 
 
70 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 TO THE SAME 
 
 TT7E to-day are indigo, 
 
 ^ ^ Lacking sunshine, blood, and you ; 
 Eating little, sleeping less. 
 No sheet \vhiter than each face ; 
 Clouds of heaven and of eyes 
 Make one widow earth and skies ; 
 Not a wish, not a prayer. 
 Answered, or preferred, I fear : 
 Heavens, lady, when do you mean 
 To come and make us men again ? 
 
 Out of sorts, out of heart. 
 We damn Nature, she damns Art ; 
 Trifles now are mountains t'us. 
 Not a mountain worth a mouse ; 
 Even coffee, that great god 
 Hung a sun in every cloud, 
 Fails to fire the watery eye, 
 For all his rich divinity ; 
 Nor can tea, that angels sip, 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 71 
 
 Avail to loose the heavy lip ; 
 Chained is every tongue, and butter 
 Melts in vain, we nothing utter ; 
 One commandment, one vile code, 
 Holds in all : there^s nothing good ! 
 He who thinks to break the rule 
 Turns and finds he's played the fool; 
 Waiting for thy tongue, the truth 
 Will not be soiled by other mouth ; 
 Waiting for thy smile, we see 
 Beauty ugly grown as we ; 
 Quite neglected by thy hands. 
 Not a door but sulking stands. 
 Or, moving, moves as 'twould refrain, 
 And only moved to show its pain. 
 
 I hear to-day the well is dry : 
 The cause is found in every eye ! 
 What if to-morrow should report 
 The bucket lost ? we've hearts left for't : 
 Buckets in wells sink no lower. 
 Nor are more empty, I am sure! 
 
 O, we can tarry, we can wait 
 
 On fortune, fame, on health, estate ; 
 
72 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 Yes, till grey, if ^tis so long ; 
 Only this we count a wrong. 
 Only this we cannot do : 
 Wait another day for you ! 
 
 THE GREETING 
 
 /'^OME now, my blood, begin to rise ; 
 ^^And, breath, grow short and ever quicker; 
 Look out, my eyes, as through the skies. 
 
 Like stars, you'd leap to overtake her ; 
 Come, hands, through heat turn all to gold ; 
 
 But, lips, that you may know your part, 
 Grow whiter now than snow, as cold, 
 
 But, meeting hers, prove each a heart ! 
 
 THE COMPLIMENT 
 
 KITTY'S **fair," has ^'charming grace," 
 Kitty's ''rare," and Kitty's '*wise;" 
 But most I think that Kitty is, 
 Kitty laughs at all he says. 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 73 
 
 ^npWAS blood, not money, did this piece in- 
 
 -*- spire : 
 Here was a man, or Art is a great liar. 
 
 TO A BEAUTY 
 
 ^T^HY bosom rocked this air into a sea ; 
 -*- Since when there's been no rest for Love 
 
 or me. 
 
 ON FRIENDSHIP 
 
 "pRIENDSHIP'S a bottle, with a single bowl : 
 ^ Who drinks first 's a thief, who last a fool. 
 
74 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 YESPERAE CULINARIAE 
 
 ^T THEN we do daily, with prayers, make 
 
 ^ ^ The dishes dip their heads. 
 And ask God, though our hearts he break, 
 
 Theirs spare, and too their lids ; 
 When o'er the Croton fount we stand, 
 
 Like John, and thrice baptize 'em, 
 While, like clean sheep, I fetch 'em to land 
 
 And Kitty cleanly dries 'em ; 
 There's more religion in our cloth, 
 
 When it is wrung and hung up. 
 Than in that wraps some dirty sloth. 
 
 Called priest, were better strung up : 
 
 Then come to the kitchen, sweet, let's pray! 
 
 Fetch the soap, I have the pan ; 
 For I know it means, whate'er they say. 
 
 That the good comes next the clean ! 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 75 
 
 ON A MERRY FELLOW, JAMES FARRINGTON, 
 
 FALLING FROM A CHERRY TREE AND 
 
 BREAKING HIS NECK 
 
 OLD ** Ferry " 's now called out his last, 
 To all the world, '' Get drunk ! " 
 Since, rather than let one cherry waste, 
 He 's into cheras sunk. 
 
 ON LIPS AND EYES 
 
 r\ EYES are but spies, 
 ^^ Lips are far more true ; 
 And are only held off from giving a kiss. 
 For fear of what these gossips may do ! 
 
 Therefore is Cupid always blind. 
 Though with lips like a cherry ; 
 
 For this fact he has in mind, 
 So grows blind to be merry ! 
 
76 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 O 
 
 THE FAITHFUL LOVER 
 
 NEVER think that I could turn away, 
 But, as Lot's wife, the more with thee to 
 stay; 
 
 That every step from thee should be 
 
 A monument of constancy; 
 
 O never think my love will cool. 
 
 Or lazy grow like pampered fowl : 
 The more the gods of nectar drink 
 The less inclin'd they are to wink; 
 
 No, never fear ; though Fate me force 
 From Love elect a different course, 
 
 Still I'm that fly 'round candle turns. 
 And, as away he flies, he burns ! 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 77 
 
 THE THRENODY 
 
 TT7HEN thou, little body, art laid i' the 
 
 ^ ^ ground. 
 
 Will I there weep, make a sorry sound ? 
 O, no ; I'll garden daisies there. 
 And bed the honeysuckle for thy hair ; 
 And for the cedar I'll set the hickory 
 And acomed oak to watch o'er thee ; 
 That when I come I may find nuts, 
 And crack 'em seated on the roots ; 
 For love, being hungry, cannot thrive. 
 While being so fed, your memory '11 live. 
 I'll call this one your heart, this mine, 
 And, to unite us, then will dine. 
 Then pray what I there set may grow. 
 And prove a bond 'twixt me and you : 
 I've known a widow leave an hour 
 Too soon for all being grass or flower. 
 
78 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 THE MATCH 
 
 LIKE two digits of a pen 
 Women should agree with men : 
 If they cross, or stick, or scratch, 
 O, but 'tis an ill made match ; 
 But they both together spell 
 Heaven with ink of blackest Hell. 
 
 That they may not go contrary^ 
 Let 'em not in length much vary ; 
 Then they must be of Hke mettle, 
 Not one soft, and t' other brittle ; 
 But this last is that which makes 
 Marriage 'twixt the points of sex : 
 That, however constantly, 
 They've been parted, yet they'll fly 
 To each other, and will meet 
 In a quick kiss, as close as sweet ; 
 Yes, then when the most divided 
 Then most long to be united : 
 This it is that makes each line 
 Like a hair, as smooth, and fine. 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 79 
 
 I" 
 
 THE TRIUMPH 
 
 ^T^O me the birds, insulting, say, 
 ■^ *' We have more wing than she 
 The rose rephes, from all her dyes, 
 
 ** I have reds redder be ! " 
 The lily says, *' Look, look on her face, 
 
 Is she as white as me ? " 
 No, birds ; no rose ; no, lily, no ; 
 
 But she excels you yet : 
 For, though you greater ones may show. 
 
 In her you all are met ! 
 
80 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 THE HEALTH 
 
 ^T^O Noah, boys ! to Noah, boys ! 
 -^ Lift up the cups to Noah, boys ! 
 
 He's the only man 
 
 That had a can. 
 In the early days, we know of, boys ; 
 Then, here's to him again, boys ! 
 The first of drinking men, boys ! 
 
 That dared his wife. 
 
 To please his life : 
 To him a good one throw off, boys ! 
 To him a good one throw off, boys ! 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 81 
 
 ON GENERAL GRANT'S TOMB, NEW YORK 
 
 r^HADthe*' Rebels" had but so much bread, 
 ^-^ You'd never had these stones about your 
 
 head! 
 Graceless, disgraceful, heap of nonsense here. 
 Like a great cough, or bravo ^ of the air ; 
 Or some great gob of patriotic fat 
 Flung to the hungry eye of famished state ; 
 Such piles of love, ridiculous excess. 
 To some stone-cutter might his widow raise : 
 Art's tomb as well, that every grace doth 
 
 want. 
 And out of place o'er any man but Grant. 
 
 Bare fortress, where barbarity will long 
 Retire and rescue her still beaten throng ; 
 Here academic poets will resort. 
 And frame their verses as they find hints 
 
 for 't; 
 Thick headed sculptors hither will repair. 
 
82 CARNLINA DITTIES 
 
 And sacrifice to kinship they find here ; 
 Old army Colonels will here hear the drum 
 Beat up, suggesting wherefore pensions come; 
 The Eagle when he lacks in fury, on 
 These stones may scratch his claws, and grow 
 
 like one ; 
 Till, at the last, for quarry it has served. 
 Whence monuments are mined, true statues 
 
 carved. 
 
 THE STIR 
 
 BEHOLD ! by trick dragged out he goes, 
 And thus, at last, some dust upthrows ; 
 Who, but for Fate inventing Edison, 
 Had died unseen, of patent medicine. 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 83 
 
 THE EXCHANGE 
 
 T TSE not those eyes to put out mine ! 
 ^ Unless we keep the text, 
 And *' an eye for an eye " should give me thine, 
 To shine where mine were fixed ! 
 
 But ah ! the exchange for me were poor ; 
 
 Since then thou couldst not see 
 How much with thine I could adore, 
 
 When looking, sweet, on thee ! 
 
 But, if they then must go, indeed, 
 
 Put out by greater light. 
 Know, Sol, 'twas -when thou wert in bed : 
 
 I lost my eyes at night! 
 
84 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 ON RETURNING AT ONCE A BROACH TO FELICIA 
 SENT TO ILLUMINE HIM ON A DARK DAY 
 
 TAKE, Felicia, back this gift, 
 Lent to soothe me but a minute ; 
 Transitory, at best, 's the theft 
 
 Of joy that such reHef holds in it : 
 Longer would you have me blest. 
 Send one warmer from thy breast ! 
 
 Greater gifts he merit must 
 
 Who in good manners doth receive 
 Whatever little 's on him thrust. 
 
 Though by a hand far more could give ; 
 And, hungry, smiles to get a crumb. 
 From whence a loaf as well might 
 come. 
 
 Blest Felicia, take thy broach. 
 
 Press it to that breast of thine : 
 
 Think, when I have done as much. 
 How my wit will like it shine ! 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 85 
 
 ON THE SAME 
 
 OUNDERED from their heaven, shine 
 ^ No longer stars ; this star of mine 
 Must in its heaven be again, 
 Ere it can shine to conquer rain : 
 There, Hke the North, 'twill beckon me 
 To that sole port where I would be ! 
 
86 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 THE WARRANT 
 
 r^ O search for further planets, fools ! 
 ^^ Or speculate upon redemption^ 
 Till, bodies threadbare worn by souls, 
 
 Death set aside Life's long exemption; 
 
 Go climb hills, dally on the main. 
 
 Seek treasure lost, do what you will ; 
 
 With hands of health engross up pain, 
 And, lacking hairs, rejoice in skill; 
 
 Ne'er think to slack, make all your days 
 
 As fiiU of labors as of fame. 
 Till, at the last, you sink to raise 
 
 Succeeding fools that bear your name ; 
 
 But I, to farther worlds admitted. 
 In richer mines than these rejoice : 
 
 By L 's eyes lit and delighted. 
 
 To Heaven called by L 's voice ! 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 87 
 
 ON THE PEARLS liST FELICIA'S MOUTH 
 
 ^npHE tumbling ocean rich and blue 
 ^ Breeds pearls no more than here and 
 there, 
 Felicia smiles but once on you 
 
 And thirty say, *'How do you, sir?" 
 
 Death, lost to folly, thou may'st sweep 
 The lustre down from every brow, 
 
 And on one indistinguished heap 
 
 The tattered rags of morning throw; 
 
 Thou may'st do more, and through the leaves 
 Of petted poets lead the moth. 
 
 Till in new sides a volume heaves, 
 Till quiet falls upon 'em both; 
 
 Youth may neglect to redden, Age 
 
 May seek his grave with nimbler eye ; 
 
 Yet turn, Death, up thy latest page, 
 
 These pearls will give thee still the lie ! 
 
88 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 ON FELICIA S BEING SLOW TO RISE 
 
 A RISE ! or else there'll be no sun ! 
 -^^ What care we for the draggled Hours ? 
 Beauty's clock must strike by yours : 
 Till L 's up there can be none ! 
 
 ON TOUCHING FELICIA *S FINGERS 
 
 ^npHUS angel wings oft touch our brows, 
 ■^ And we some happy thought conceive, 
 And wrongly to some vulgar Muse 
 The credit, and the payment, give; 
 
 But for the skill I have to-day, 
 
 Confound the Muse ! I'll let her know it 
 Whatever your wise-acres say. 
 
 It is a woman makes a poet ! 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 89 
 
 THE FAMOUS QUESTION 
 
 How unhappie soever I may he in the 
 elocution, I am sure the Theame is worthy 
 enough. — Hahington. 
 
 OAYS Rumor, George and Brother Mose 
 ^ Had each a ''tongue" and each a **nose" 
 Beyond the wont of mortal men, 
 More tender one, t'other more keen ; 
 Who to the palate made report. 
 Who lodged the business ^th the Court. 
 In truth, these members were so skilled, 
 As soon as aught was caught or killed. 
 They could, almost to hair, predict 
 How it would be best cooked, when picked ; 
 And could, by secret signs observed. 
 Prejudge how it would taste when carved ; 
 On pie-crust being too '' short " they'd levy, 
 They were ''your men " for testing gravy ; 
 And, measuring v^rater in the mouth, 
 'Tis said, they gathered up the truth ; 
 
90 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 But, if perplexed was one or t'other, 
 He drove like mad to seek his brother ; 
 And for the time reserved decision, 
 Until he'd ended thus his mission. 
 
 They loved each other, to a straw. 
 Next to the love they gave the law. 
 Which from their father they had taken. 
 How to cook fish, how to fry bacon. 
 For let no man think in an hour 
 To cook his fish and it devour ; 
 Although some fools have thought to fry 'em. 
 And spoiled all in shorter time : 
 To rightly stew and serve with rice 
 Were \Nrorth a six days' sacrifice ; 
 (And, if convenient, better longer, 
 The care is more, the relish stronger ; 
 And man's prepared, as well as dish. 
 When all comes up just to a wish ; 
 As she, who has not had a kiss, 
 Can best discover what it is 
 That makes her wish for it so much. 
 And seem so s^weet upon the touch ; 
 Because she is for dish prepared. 
 Before she gets it on the board) 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 91 
 
 While to be rightly cooked, your bacon 
 Must lie in hand and never blacken 
 So much as finger of a glove ; 
 Of which the'd often made the proof; 
 (I mean such glove as friends will often 
 Employ in bearing out a cofiin) 
 But if no such glove chanced to offer, 
 Sooner than let inquiry suffer, 
 They had another way to test it ; 
 Which w^as after it had been digested : 
 I mean it would all question squelch 
 If only pleasant in the belch. 
 
 Now if you think 'em up-given wholly 
 To vulgar things, Hell hound your folly ! 
 You show yourself an idle ass. 
 And as little fitted for the case 
 That I intend to bring before you, 
 Ere all is done, as goes the story. 
 Know, then, that to know how to choose 
 His dish concerns the dog and Zeus ; 
 And nothing keeps the sky betw^een 'em 
 So much as what the two put in 'em ; 
 That 'tis no mean thing to know how 
 To cook a fish, but not to know ; 
 
92 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 That, when the world's a world of cooks, 
 It may for fire consume its books ; 
 The laws of God we may forget 
 But not the laws of how to eat : 
 At least so far they do contend 
 Who such things rightly comprehend. 
 
 Thus, fearing evil hid in reason. 
 Their father taught 'em how to season ; 
 To turn out such a dish as was 
 A credit to him and his race ; 
 Not scrape out skillets and pots clean. 
 But to direct as gentlemen ; 
 To taste the soup and judge the pepper, 
 And say when salt and all was proper. 
 When this should be, when this not, added ; 
 Besides, he had his counsels padded ; 
 For having found how lard helped dishes 
 He ** larded "too his dying wishes ; 
 And he who wills this side of death 
 Must "will" beyond, to swell his breath 
 Up to the pitch of being heard ; 
 Else an un-backed-up dead man's word 
 Rocks like an infant's empty cradle, 
 From less to less, till silence fatal ! 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 93 
 
 But, come, our "father*' was not so : 
 Where he would have his saddle go 
 He left a horse as w^ell beneath it, 
 And so compelled his son go with it ; 
 And, wishing memory to sustain him, 
 He knew to bribe it would maintain him ; 
 So sowed in life those winter oats. 
 He later, armed with Death's scythe, cuts. 
 
 No more a-field to further ramble. 
 Though it be Death's; to end preamble, 
 They'd bodies large and bellies healthy. 
 And had been blest by father wealthy ; 
 A look around each way revealed 
 As many dozen fields, each field 
 Like table in the dining-room. 
 And all they viewed belonged unto 'em ; 
 With dogs, besides, children and niggers. 
 And rents each year beyond their '^figgers;" 
 Agreed and got along so well, 
 Together'd buy, together'd sell ; 
 Nor leased an acre, took a mortgage, 
 But "I'll ask Mose," or "I'll let George 
 
 judge;" 
 Always at one, never at odds ; 
 
94 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 And, for the rest, thought all the gods 
 Might have to hold 'gainst a poor sinner 
 Forgotten was at a fish-dinner ; 
 At least 't^would cancel any crime 
 Could they but only stoop and try 'em ; 
 And even in the fumes they might 
 Perceive enough to set all right. 
 
 In this alone they'd ever cross 
 The query now engages us ; 
 And 'tis a matter, we must own, 
 ()f nice distinction, such as none 
 But such wise and such skillful men 
 Will ever dare to raise again ; 
 Much more to think at last to settle 
 Proves both their wisdom and their mettle ; 
 No matter for your common dull men. 
 Beyond we think your ancient Schoolmen ; 
 But, such the sense of conscious merit 
 To never fear but still to ferret. 
 And where 'twere hidden to grosser man 
 Find Truth, though hidden 'neath the pan, 
 In lard fried up, to smoke long-doomed, 
 They still adventured unconsumed ! 
 
 Well, then the matter briefly thus. 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 95 
 
 That puzzled them and puzzles us : 
 '' I tell you, George. . ." ** I tell you, Moses, 
 With two I think he something loses." 
 " Two are enough, or else they'll cool ! " 
 ** You're wrong, sir; mine's the better rule. 
 *' I dislike eating in the kitchen, 
 I'd rather have a third to fetch in." 
 '' One to cook and one to eat 
 Is still the best way, as I see 't ! " 
 "He such maintains as far mistakes: 
 It takes three, sir ! " Each his head stakes. 
 ''Well, when you're at my house again 
 I'll sho^NT you plainly what I mean." 
 '' In order that no good miscarry 
 To smell 'em first is necessary, 
 As they come in ; then appetite 
 Has time itself to whet a-right ; 
 Besides, you must wait on the butter : 
 Till it get in, 'tis nonsense utter 
 To think to stir a tongue or hand ; 
 And yet that time lost is but gained 
 Which gives the water time to rise. 
 Which is what all taste clarifies. 
 And adds ten times unto the relish." 
 
96 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 " Excuse me if I say you're foolish ; 
 I hold that two are quite sufficient, 
 Besides delay makes me impatient ; 
 I like to have 'em just turned over." 
 " Why, then, sir, do it with a cover ! " 
 ''They'll sweat and all are ruined, man! 
 I'll prove it when you come again." 
 "You can not prove what can not be : 
 To eat buckwheat requires three ! " 
 
 And oft from breakfast time till supper 
 No other subject thought to offer ; 
 And though their wives oft asked, "What is 
 
 it?" 
 Was it two or three took up each visit ; 
 And gone to church or gone to Court House, 
 At home, abroad, still the report v^as. 
 Hot ran the current of debate, 
 Like butter round in a hot plate ; 
 But, as to this, they'd ne'er agree : 
 If it took two or needed three ! 
 Nor can we nov^ with duller noses 
 Hope to decide t^xt George and Moses ; 
 But must the question leave as riddle 
 Between the table and the griddle. 
 
CAROLINA DITTIES 97 
 
 How many men are needed truly, 
 As matter got beyond us wholly ; 
 Yet, though such fools as we it poses, 
 We prize a cake next George and Moses. 
 
 THE END ^ 
 
 \ ND is it then all right, 
 ^^"^ Or, is it then all wrong ? 
 I do not yet know quite; 
 So I'll end it in a song : 
 
 For beauty fails and dies, 
 
 And love an hour lasts ; 
 And time as fast too flies. 
 
 And of his own doom tastes ; 
 
 Then while we can let 's cry. 
 
 Ho, fetch, boy, fetch some wine ! 
 For here 's the only sky 
 
 Where the sun doth ever shine ! 
 
98 CAROLINA DITTIES 
 
 Then, drink ! drink ! who would bother ? 
 
 Although unsteady all ; 
 Since what we lose another 
 
 Will on 't to-morrow fall I 
 
 Then up ! lift up ! here 's a lip 
 That never is quite dry ; 
 
 And when you long to sip 
 Will never kiss deny \ 
 
INDEX 
 
 OF 
 
 INITIAL LINES 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Ah, what rare colors do surprise mine eye 39 
 
 All other delights grow poor and common 49 
 
 And is it then all right 97 
 
 Arise I or else there'll be no sun 88 
 
 As oft by goods set 'fore a shop 32 
 
 As those know nothing still will vapor 51 
 
 A sugar-candy prater, so entirely dull 41 
 
 Beauty's for use, or should be 34 
 
 Behold ! by trick dragged out he goes 82 
 
 Come along with me 59 
 
 Come now, my blood, begin to rise 72 
 
 Come, tell me not oi war 10 
 
 Cupid held a lock 28 
 
 Fairest, since you cannot see 65 
 
 Friendship's a bottle, with a single bowl 73 
 
 Full harsh the sea-bird's breast to me 55 
 
 LofC 
 
100 INDEX 
 
 Good God! behold the monarch bow he strides 66 
 
 Go, rose ! and in her sunny hair 35 
 
 Go search tor further planets, tools 86 
 
 Here is a girl all heart 56 
 
 Here is more alchemy than of old 31 
 
 Here might meet once again that ancient Senate 58 
 
 I loved a comfortable dame 32 
 
 I ne'er have spent one happy day 12 
 
 I own I sometimes long to weep 63 
 
 I swear I love you not 57 
 
 In the old days, the gossips tell us 5 
 
 Kit ty's '^ fair, '' has '* charming grace ' ' 72 
 
 Like two digits of a pen 78 
 
 Nature likes nothing but love, and Science is 12 
 
 Nay, nay, it will not do ; the wagging head 11 
 
 New York is like a woman 4 
 
 Not witty enough to play the fool 41 
 
 Now doth the gallant Spring 3 
 
 O divine difference, by which 49 
 
 O, eyes are but spies 75 
 
 O had the Rebels had but so much bread 81 
 
 O never think that I could turn away 76 
 
 O women are but other Troys 13 
 
 O would I were two days off from this sin 38 
 
 Old " Ferry" 's now called out his last 75 
 
 Phyllis, all thy charms have left thee 48 
 
 Polly hangs her clothes out sunning 34 
 
 Pygmalion, sweets, was not content 60 
 
 Says Rumor, George and brother Mose 89 
 
INDEX iOl 
 
 Still 'tis in Britain, with a drunkards eye 15 
 
 Strike out the naughts from his account 50 
 
 Sundered Ironi their heaven, shine 85 
 
 Take, Felicia, back this gift 84 
 
 The Collard and the Pumpkin came 43 
 
 The Devil came up from Hell, they say 27 
 
 The dull ass that can 31 
 
 The griefs of the widow lie in the tomb 57 
 
 The rich applaud thy country's wine 69 
 
 The tumbling ocean, rich and blue 87 
 
 The vast estates of skin and bones 60 
 
 These stupid clods that make believe 68 
 
 This flowery woman, pulled to pieces 26 
 
 This love of ours, dear 64 
 
 This silvery wire, that once was gold 62 
 
 Thus angel wings oft touch our brows 88 
 
 Thy bosom rocked this air into a sea 73 
 
 To me the birds, insulting, say 79 
 
 To Noah, boys ! to Noah, boys 80 
 
 'Twas blood, not money, did this piece inspire 73 
 
 Use not those eyes to put out mine 83 
 
 '^Variety's the spice of life" 38 
 
 Violetta! what will you 36 
 
 We to-day are indigo 70 
 
 What were to me old Aeson's fleece 56 
 
 When thou, little body, art laid f the ground 77 
 
 When we do daily, with prayers, make 74 
 
 While others only steal the ear 14 
 
 While with such beauty she the world allures 4 
 
102 INDBX 
 
 Why, why, repine at pleasures Hown 37 
 
 Women know they are prize-boxes 30 
 
 Women, like owls, can see by night 42 
 
 Young men early 50 
 
 FINIS 
 
'JUN 13 1964