PS 3537 .U89 16 1900 Copy 2 ours 3THEK SKETCHES Evelyn Grecnleaf Sutherland 1900 Walter H. Baker d Co. Boston m^m-mmmm .^i^^M^^^ I N OFFICE HOURS And Other SKETCHES for V audeville or Private ACTING By Evelyn Greenleaf Sutherland Boston WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 1900 ^^1' IN OFFICE HOURS Copyright, 1900, ly Walter H. Baker ^ Co. Library of Concjress Two COPJES Recea'eo SEP 29 1900 FIRST copy. 2lid Copy {Mi>;>a4 to CONTENTS IN OFFICE HOURS .... Page 5 A QUILTING PARTY IN THE THIRTIES - Page 25 IN AUNT CHLOE'S CABIN - - - Page 35 THE STORY OF A FAMOUS WEDDING - Page 51 THESE SKETCHES HAVE ALL BEEN PRODUCED WITH CONSPIC- UOUS SUCCESS, UPON THE OCCASIONS SPECIFIED. THEY MAY BE PERFORMED BY AMATEURS WITHOUT THE PAYMENT OF ROYALTY, BUT MANAGERS OR PROFESSIONAL PLAYERS WISH- ING TO PRODUCE THEM SHOULD FIRST COMMUNICATE WITH THE AUTHOR IN CARE OF THE PUBLISHERS. IN OFFICE HOURS A Comedy SKETCH in One ACT by Evelyn Greenleaf Sutherland (Originally produced by the Students of the Boston Univers ity School of Medicine , April 7, 1899) 53666 IN OFFICE HOURS CHARACTERS DOCTOR ROGER ELIOT MR. WOBBLEMORE MR. HUSTLETON MR. VAN SHEKELS CAESAR, THE OFFICE BOY DOCTOR SALLIE FLOYD MRS. SKIPNIX MRS. WOBBLEMORE MISS GOLFE P Is ^ Two COflES ^Cl.'VKO NSEP 29^ mu ) "• /-X F^T CGP% COSTUMES MODERN COPYRIGHT, 1900, BY WALTER H. BAKER & CO. IN OFFICE HOURS SCENE. — A doctor s office. The room is of very moderate size^ and quite simply ftcrniskedy though with all possible suggestion of its professional uses ; as an examination table, a bookcase y with heavy pro- fessional-looking volumes, a desk on which is a stetho- scope, an electric lamp for throat-examinations, etc. There is also a large jar, containing tmmedicated tablets. As the curtain rises. Dr. ROGER Eliot is discovered, seated at the desk, reading. He takes a cigar from his case, and reaches out for a m.atch from the box on the desk. Caesar is endeavoring to steal a few tablets from the jar on the desk. Several times he almost succeeds, when some chance movemejit of Dr. Eliot's startles him, and he retreats. This is repeated once or twice ; and then Dr. Eliot looks up. Dr. E. I say ! Is your nest anywhere about here? Caesar (with ajump^. Sah } Nest, sah ? Dr. E. I never saw that particular combination of dodge and flutter, except where there was a nest in the neighborhood somewhere. So I inquired. Caesar, I ain't got no nest, sah. Fo' de Lawd, sah, dat's so ! Dr. E. Then what does seem to possess you? Caesar. Beg yo' pardon, sah — but yo' is smokin*, sah ! Dr. E. And smoke is against your principles, eh ? 7 In OJfice Hours You never use tobacco, it is a filthy weed, . . . you never put it in your mouth, hke Httle Robert Reed ; that sort of thing, eh ? Caesar {dreadfully bewildered^. Ya-as sah ! I — I mean — no, sah! I mean — Miss Dr. Floyd will be here in a minute, and Miss Dr. Floyd have a patient, — and Miss Dr. Floyd's patient she have de nervous prospectses, sah, — an' she moughtn't — Dr, E, {looking at his watcJi), Miss Dr. Floyd, eh } Yes, that's right. How time does pass in one's leisure hours — I mean one's office-hours! In four minutes this abode of ^sculapius belongs to my fellow-tenant, under this blessed Box-and-Cox arrangement of ours. And so Miss Dr. Floyd has a patient .'^ Happy Miss Dr. Floyd ! {He goes to the closet^ takes down his eoaty and begins leisurely to take off his office-jacket^ Caesar. Ya-as, sah. Miss Dr. Floyd have a patient, and de patient have symptoms, sah ! {Takes down coat and brushes it.) Dr. E. That is very interesting. Are you treating Miss Dr. Floyd's patient, also, may I ask } Caesar. No-o, sah. But when Miss Dr. Floyd ain't come, sah, de patient done talk to me, sah, 'cos she have so many symptoms, sah. Dr. E. Happy fellow-tenant ! {Then the door opens suddenly, and MRS. Skipnix eiiters. At sight of Dr. E. she pauses, starts, peers agitatedly but unseeingly through her spectacles, takes thejn off^ puts them in her bag, takes out another pair, and adjusts them on her nose.^ Mrs. Skip. You — you — you ain't my doctor I Dr. E. {hastily resuming office jacket). I regret to 8 In Office Hours 5ay, madam, that a great many other people might say that with equal truth. Mrs, Skip, If you ain't my doctor, what are you here for ? {Becoming wildly agitated?) I say, what are you here for, in my doctor's office ? (To CAESAR, very suddenly and sharply }j Why don't you call the police ? (Caesar, who has just stolen a handful of the tablets^ startled^ chokes?) Ccesar, Don't want no police. Dis yer's Massa Dr. Eliot, and dis is Massa Dr. Eliot's office half de time, and Miss Dr. Floyd's office de other half de time ! Dr, E, Do me the justice to add, Caesar, that this is my half of the time. Miss Dr. Floyd's rights do not begin for {consults watch) one minute and three- quarters. Mrs, Skip, You — you — you have this office with my doctor } Dr, E, Pardon me. That is what I dofit do. I have this office without your doctor, who is due here in three-quarters of a minute. My dear madam, it is very simple. Down-town offices are not offered to the medical aspirant without money and without price. If two doctors keep hours in the same office — different hours, my dear madam ! — different hours ! — the money and the price are more readily forthcoming. I trust I make myself clear } Mrs. Skip, I don't believe a word you say. You've got a hard, bad face. I believe you're my doctor's young man, and you're cruelly deceiving her; that's what I believe ! Dr. E, Your doctor's young man — well, of all 9 In Office Hours the — ! I never set eyes on your doctor in the whole course of my Hfe, and I never want to ! Of all the — Mrs, Skip, {shrilly), I don't believe a word you say ! I don't believe a word you say ! You wait till I see my doctor, and you'll get shown up in your true colors — you see ! — you see ! (^To Caesar.) Show me to that room over there, where I can set an' wait for my doctor ! Don't you believe a word that man says ! Mark my words, you'd better telephone for the police ! i^She follows Caesar outy in the opposite direction from that in which she entered,) Dr. E, Well, of all the — . (^Animated pantomime ^ suggestive of strong language,) If that's the kind of symptoms she indulges in {Jtere Dr. FLOYD enters)^ I should like to prescribe a shower-bath ! Dr, F, Thank you. That might be a good idea. I've tried nearly everything else. (Dr. Eliot turns at the sound of her voice ^ and, his office-Jacket being off^ and his coat not yet on ^ faces her in much confusion. He puts on office-jacket again. ) Dr, E. I beg your pardon. There's a rip in the sleeve of this infernal thing, and it only goes on with prayer and fasting. Dr. F, You're quite excusable. {She begins lei- surely to remove her hat, gloves, etc) But, if you'll excuse the suggestion, I {as she notices that he is wild- ly trying to force his coat on over his office jacket) — I think if you took your jacket off before you put your coat on — Dr. E, Thank you. {Removes jacket^ and puts on 10 In Office Hours coat,) I guess I'm rattled. Caesar didn't tell me that Miss Dr. Floyd — I beg your pardon — Dr. Floyd — had two patients. Dr. F. She hasn't. It's humiliating, but she hasn't — I'm not a patient, you know. I'm the doctor. Dr, E. You — you are Dr. Floyd ? Dr. F. The same. At your service. Dr. E. You Dr. Floyd, and my fellow-tenant } Well, I'll be — Dr. F. (hastily). O, I hope not, I'm sure! Why shouldn't I be Dr. Floyd.'* Dr. E. Why, I thought you — why, I thought all women doctors — Dr. F. Wore short hair and queer petticoats ? Evi- dently you're not a co-ed. Dr. E. No. I'm a Hahnemann man. Dr. F. Hahnemann's right enough, but it isn't a patch on B. U. S. M.* Dr. E. I'm too knocked out to argue. (As he is preparing to go.) I'm sorry I didn't know you be- fore. Dr, F. Why? Dr. E. O, well — we might have gone together to pick out the furniture. Dr. F. Good idea. Save getting duplicates. Dr, E. Yes. And then it's such jolly good fun — picking out furniture. Dr. F, Especially on the instalment plan. Dr. E, Yes. Well — I suppose I must be going. * Here can be substituted the name of any college popular in the company by which the sketch is played. II In Office Hours Dr. F, I suppose so. My one patient is likely to appear almost any time. Dr. E. Lucky fellow-tenant, to have one patient ! Dr. F. You're worn out with too many ? Dr. E. Guess again. I'm worn out waiting for my first one. Dr. F. Why, haven't you — Dr. E. Nary. Dr. F. Then how do you — Dr. E. Do I pay my half of our rent ? O, cheer up. I have an allowance from my uncle. Dr. F. Lucky fellow-tenant ! Dr. E. Don't deceive yourself. My uncle believes in the young roughing it. My allowance is the small- est in educational history. Dr. F. Lay you a dime that mine is smaller. Dr. E. {feeling in his pockets) . I can't see you. I've only a nickel left. My allowance is due this afternoon {Lays a nickel on the desk.) Dr. F. It wouldn't be fair ; I should win. My aunt allows me three dollars a week. She's afraid that if I had more, I should succumb to the snares of a great city. Dr. E. Yes, you*d have won. My uncle allows me fifteen a month. Hereafter I shall regard it as princely. Good afternoon, doctor. Dr. F. Good afternoon, doctor. Dr. E. {returning) . I say ! Where have I seen you before? Dr. F. I can't say positively, but I think it likely we patronize the same-priced restaurants. 12 In OJice Hours Dr. E, Maybe that's it. Good afternoon. Dr, F, Good afternoon, doctor. i^He goes out.) (Dr. F. laughs and touches a bell on the desk, Caesar enters.) Dr, F. Is the patient there, Caesar? Caesar, Ya-as'm. {^He edges around the desk to- ward the jar of tablets ,) Dr, F. Tell her to come in. Caesar {with his mouth full of tablets), Ya-as'm. {He goes out,) Dr, F, What's that boy eating? {Notices that the cover of the jar is off.) O ! That's it, is it? I thought my sugar-of-milk tablets went rather briskly. (Dr. E. enters,) Dr, E, I merely came back to say that I hope if you need a consultant on the case of that one patient of yours you'll remember a fellow-tenant. Dr, F, You can count on me, if you'll share the proceeds. Meanwhile, what would you advise for an office-boy who consumes sugar-of-milk without asking permission? Dr, E. {consulting pocket repertory), Tartar emetic. Dr, F. Good. Better than ipecac. I'd been think- ing of ipecac. Dr, E, Either ought to do. If they fail, call me in and I'll try a rattan treatment. Dr. F. You really have ideas. Good afternoon. Dr, E. Good afternoon, doctor. {He goes out,) (Dr. F. opens a drawer of the desk and takes out a bottle. She empties the sac-lac tablets out of the jar y and puts back a few that she has moistened from the bottle,) 13 In Office Hours Dr. F, The way of the transgressor will be achey ! {Enter Caesar, showing in MRS. Skipnix.) Mrs. Skip. Is he gone? (Caesar, the doctor purposely not noticing hinty steals a haftdful of the pellets and goes out,^ Dr. F. Is he gone? Mrs. Skip. Your young man. Dr. F. No ; he hasn't come yet. Fve been waiting for him twenty odd years. Mrs. Skip. I mean the young man with the hard and evil face that I found here when I first came in. {Seats herself.) Dr. F. I suppose you mean Dr. Eliot, who has desk-room here. Mrs. Skip, {hitches chair nearer Dr. F.). O, my dear young friend, do not deceive yourself. The ways of the tempter are — Dr. F. Your symptoms, please, Mrs. Skipnix? Mrs. Skip. I never yet was mistook in my judg- ments of character, and if ever I saw a dark an' evil face — Dr. F, My time is limited, Mrs. Skipnix, and if you would kindly come to your symptoms — (Caesar enters. His face is less blacky by several shades y having an ashen pallor^ Caesar. There's another patient askin' for yo', an' I reckon I'm dyin' myself. Dr. F. I'll see the other patient presently. And you won't die for half an hour or so. (Caesar presses his hands to his stomachy with a hollow groan y a7id goes out.) 14 In Office Hours Dr. F. Now, your symptoms, Mrs. Skipnix ! Mrs. Skip, If ever I saw a dark an' evil — Dr, F. (^rising impatiently). Really, Mrs. Skipnix, you heard what my office-boy said. Mrs. Skip. Set down — Fm a comin' to it. It's a perfectly new symptom. Dr. F. (sits). Where is it? Mrs. Skip. In my almanac. Dr. F. In your — Mrs. Skip, (^producing a pamphlet bound in the gau- diest possible colors). In my ''Ready Rejuvenator Almanac." They give one away with every two bottles. Dr. F. Do I understand you are taking another treatment than mine ? Mrs. Skip. Lord bless your soul ! did you think any one doctor could cover as many symptoms as I've got? I take your medicine Mondays and Fridays, an' the ''Rejuvenator" Wednesdays and Sundays; an' the other days — Dr. F. Excuse me, Mrs. Skipnix, but until you are prepared to follow my directions exclusively, I must decline to prescribe further for you. Mrs. Skip, {rising). Well, the conceit of these beginners ! My family doctor, says he, Mrs. Skipnix, says he, if I was to undertake to cover all your symp- toms, says he, I should have to hire an assistant, says he, besides givin' up week-days an' Sundays to it, says he. An' to think — {She edges toward the door^ the doctor standing and waiting for her to go.) An' over an' above all, I am bound as a mother to say that of all the dark an' evil faces — 15 In Office Hours (Dr. F. rings her bell. Caesar i7istantly falls into the rooni^ as if he had been leaning against the door 071 the outside. He is several shades grayer still. He wildly a7id weakly staggers against MRS. Skip. i7i the effort to show her out. She is agitatedly cha7igi7ig her spectacles^ with a view to exa7ni7ii7ig him 7nore closely, as they go ont together. As they go, Dr. Eliot enters from the other side.) Dr, F, O my prophetic soul ! Were yon the other patient? Dr, E, Not at all, O popular practitioner ! There are four, no less, waiting outside. This is your busy day. I merely came back for my umbrella. Dr, F. Don't tell me it's raining ! Dr. E, Level torrents. Dr. F. O, my last and only spring bonnet ! Dr, E, I hoped — I mean I was afraid you hadn't any umbrella. May I \vait outside and see you to the car .-^ Dr, F. Will you ? O fellow-tenant, you are an angel ! Dr. E, Doctors aren't angels — only angel-makers, now and then. I wait your sovereign leisure. I cer- tainly have seen you somewhere before ! (^He goes Olit^ (Caesar staggers limply in, showing i7i Mr. Hustle- TON. He enters at top speed, watch i7i ha^id.) Hustle, Train to catch, in six and a half minutes. Want a prescription. Dr, F, (^after critically survey i7ig him through her eyeglasses). Begun to see snakes yet? i6 In Office Hours Hustle. No ; nothing bigger than beetles. Dr, F, Head spHtting? Hustle, Bustin*. Dr. F. Thirsty ? Hustle. I could bankrupt a reservoir. Dr. F. {who has bee7i fillijig a bottle with tablets^. There you are. {Hands him the bottle.^ Live on hot beef-tea a day or two ; soak your head in ice-water whenever you get a chance ; and pull up. If you don't, you'll see snakes within a week — good-sized ones, too. Two dollars, please. Hustle, {hands a bill). There's a V. Never mind the change. You're the only woman I ever saw that had a head. {Goes to door ; returns^ Are you mar- ried? Dr. F. No. Hustle. Want to be ? Dr. F. Not to-day. There's the change. Good afternoon. Hustle, I'm sorry. You've really got a head. (^Looks at watch ^ Gee! I've got to hustle for that train! {Goes out on the rtm.) (Dr. F. riitgs bell. As before, Caesar falls in, still several shades grayer.) Dr. F. Well, what next? Caesar. Death an' de debble, I reckon. Dr. F. I didn't mean for yourself. I know what is going to happen to you. I meant the next patient. Caesar. Ya-as'm. {He staggers out.^ Dr. F. Three patients ! I shall consider taking an assistant. 17 In Office Hours (^Enter Caesar, showing in Mr. and Mrs. Wobble- more. Mr. W. draws his shawl apprehensively about his shoulders?) Mr. W. {looki^ig affrightedly at Caesar, who is stag- gering^. There — there's something wrong about that boy — there's something dreadfully wrong. Dr. F, Yes — that's why I get him cheap. (Caesar, unobserved^ falls down behind sofa^ R.) Mrs. W. Don't bother, Solomon — attend to busi- ness ! Mr. W. (^feebly seating himself, R. C). One mo- ment, Maria. There's a draft. I can distinctly feel a draft. I must decline to attend to anything before that draft is attended to. Mrs. W. Don't bother, Solomon ! Do you think you can do anything for him? {Suddenly, to Dr. F.) Dr. F. That depends. What's the matter with him f Mrs. W. Nothing. (Mr. W. moa^is feebly.^ Dr. F. That's a complicated thing to treat. What's been done for him? Mrs. W. Everything. We've taken the doctors in alphabetical order. He likes it best that way, for fear I'll skip somebody. He's taken every ^* pathy " in creation. Mr. W. I haven't, Maria. There's a new one — clam — clam — its something to do with a clam. Mrs. W. Don't bother, Solomon. It isn't anything to do with a clam. You haven't struck it yet. Mr. W. Clam — clam — Dr. F. Try oyster-pathy. Osteopathy, you know. Mr. W. That's it. i8 In Office Hours Mrs. W. Don't bother, Solomon. The oyster-men come below the F's. She's an F. Go ahead. (Dr. F. draws a chair beside Mr. VV. ; sits?) Dr. F. What do you seem to feel, yourself, is the matter with you ? Mr, W. (in a hoarse whisper y pointing to his wife, who is moving about examining the objects in the roont). Her ! Dr. F. Eh? Mr. W. Her. She's the matter with me. She married me in infancy. In my infancy. She was a friend of my mother's. I was born delicate. She married me to toughen me. She's awfully tough her- self. She's almost killed me. She gives me an ice- cold bath every morning — Mrs. W. Solomon, don't bother ! You see, don't you, Doctor, there's nothing on earth the matter with him. He might as well go to oyster-pathy. Mr. W. (in the same sepulchral whisper^. She makes me sleep on a mattress that ain't any thicker than an envelope. She — Dr. F. See here — how would you like to go south? With a nurse, you know ? With a personally selected nurse? Mr. W. (with a gasp of ecstasy). Alone .»* (Dr. F. nods?) By myself? (Nods again?) Without her? (Dr. F. nods?) Gee ! ! (With a wide , pale grin.) Dr. F. (rises). Madam, if you really wish my opinion on your husband's condition, it is that he needs toughening. (Mr. W. gives a short groan.) Mrs. W* Haven't I said so for the last ten years ? Haven't I — 19 In OJi^ce Hours Dr. F. Undoubtedly. But in my opinion, a hus- band, while he is in his wife's too indulgent care, is shielded from the influences that tend to genuine tough- ening. (Mr. W. ^-rws feedfy.} I should recommend, in your husband's case, a trip without your company, in the hands of an unsympathetic professional nurse — a rather prolonged trip (Mr. W.'s £'n7i widens.), say to Cuba, or Jamaica. Mr, W. What's the matter with the Philippines, Maria? Mrs. W. Don't bother, Solomon, with what doesn't concern you ! That's a good notion. Doctor. (Mr. W. rises and moves gently to door. ) And it would give me time for a little steeplechasing — I think well of it. Two dollars? Dr. F. Two dollars. Thank you. Mr. W. By myself ! At a safe distance! Tol-de- lol-de-lol — iyHe exectttes a few feeble and ungainly dance-steps^ Mrs. W. Solomon ! (She goes out.) Mr. W. {^collapsing). I felt a draft, my dear — I felt a draft. {fFo Dr. F., /;/ a hoarse whisper , as he goes.) I'm going to send you a cheque to-morrow! {As Mr. a7id Mrs. W. go outy Miss GouF'EcjtterSy on the run, nearly oversetting tJiem.) Miss G. {rushing up to Dr. F.). I say! It's awfully wrong to marry, isn't it, now, when you have epileptic fits? Dr. F. {after a gasp) . Awfully. Miss G. Then I'm going to have 'em ! Dr. F, To order? 20 In Offi^ce Hours Miss G, To order ! I was a peach in college the- atricals. Say — he'll be here in a minute. It's like this. My stepmother wants me to marry a fool. He's her nephew — he's got some money. I can't go away till I'm of age, and I won't have him botherin' round. I told him I had epileptic fits. He said he didn't believe it. I told him you were my doctor, and you would tell him — • Dr. F. But, my dear child — Miss G, O, hold on a minute ! All you've got to tell him is that it's wicked to marry any one with epi- leptic fits, and I'll do the rest. Dr. F. But — Miss G. {rushing across to chair y R. C). O, this is him ! (Mr. Van Shekels enters.) Mr. V. S. You are Miss Golfe's physician } Dr. F. Is that her name 1 I — I mean — yes ; I suppose so. Mr. V. S. Do you consider — (Miss G. shows signs of approaching jits.) Dr. F. That marriage, with a history of previous epilepsy, is justifiable.-^ Distinctly, I do not. Mr. V. S. But the question is, don't you know — {Here MiSS G. gives a loud scream, and falls into a most appalling fit.) Dr. F. {rushing to MiSS G. and tending her). You see for yourself. The very sight of you has brought her malady on this unhappy girl. I beg of you, leave her to me. Make no further effort to see her. Mr. F. 5. Effort to see her } I'm going to take passage on a Cunarder ! {Goes hastily.^ 21 In Office Hours Miss G. {embracing V)^. F.). O, you cherub! I've done it ! {Goes to mirror ; puts o?i hat?) You stood by me like a man and a brother ! What's your fee ? Dr,F, {out of breath; laughing). Nothing, thank you. It's enough to abet a felony, without getting paid for it ! Miss G, Bless you ! {Exit.) Dr. F. {sinks into a chair). This has been a very busy day, indeed ! Whew ! I wonder if there are any more ! {Rings bell?) Caesar ! Caesar ! I wonder if that boy is dead? I'm beginning to be scared ! {Enter Dr. Eliot.) Dr. E. Did anybody call? Dr. F. O, I'm so glad you waited ! Where on earth do you suppose Caesar is } {A weak voice from behind the sofa moans, ^* Here I is, Miss Doctor Floyd !'' Dr. Eliot makes a dive and drags out Caesar, bleached almost white, and in a state of titter collapse. They carry him to chair, R. C.) Dr. F. O, my goodness gracious ! Rub his hands, can't you. What in the world antidotes tartar emetic } Dr. E. How should I know } I passed my exams, six months ago ! Dr. F. You helped me kill him — I should think you might help me bring him to ! Dr. E. O, if that's all! (/;/ a dreamy voice.) There's a circus in town. (Caesar shows abrupt signs of returning animatio7i.) It has monkeys, and a pony with a spotted tail. I was thinking of giving Caesar a ticket to that circus — I'm sorry he's dead. 22 In Office Hours Caesar {reviving abruptly^, I ain't dead, Massa Doctor Eliot — I reckon I kin go to dat circus. Did yo' say he had a spotted tail ? I feels a heap aliver. But O, Massa Doctor Eliot ! De things dat have been happening in my insides ! Dr. F. Get up. I'm glad you didn't die this time. You shall have some peanuts to eat at the circus. Go and lock up the anteroom. (Caesar makes a wobbly exit.) I'm glad, on the whole, that office-hours are over ! Does it still rain } Dr. E. No. It has cleared off ! That's what I stayed to tell you. Dr. F. (^putting on her hat and gloves. He assisting her). Thank you. Do you remember where you saw me, yet .-* Dr. E. Just not quite. I seem to remember that there were Japanese lanterns — and there was music somewhere. Dr. F. Yes. The band was in front of Holworthy. They were playing the Waldteufel waltzes. I wore muslins then, and I hadn't graduated into eyeglasses. That was your Freshman year at Harvard. It was ever so long ago. Dr. E. Jupiter Tonans ! You don't mean to tell me you're the little Sally Floyd my sister chummed with in the prep, school ! Dr. F. I'm the Sally Floyd, without the little. Dr, E. And you knew all the time .^ Dr. F. Of course. Did you suppose I'd have gone shares in an office with a gentleman of unknown ante- cedents ? 23 In OJjice Hours Dr, E, Shake hands ! (^Catches her hand^ holds it till she withdraws it. He takes both hands?) Do shake hands ! This is the very jolHest go that ever I hit ! I say ! — We can begin just where we left off, can't we ? Dr, F. Well — not precisely — perhaps — Dr, E. No-o — I remember. QHe puts on her jack- et,^ I used to kiss you sometimes, when you were in the prep, school. We'll begin just a step or two back, since it's too early for us to be buying furniture together — I mean too late — too late for us to be buying furni- ture together. Dr, F, It's been a riotous afternoon. Too much money always makes me nervous. Don't you want to go to the opera 1 I owe you a consultation fee on Cae- sar's case, you know. Dr. E, Overjoyed ! My allowance must have come by this time. . . . We'll have supper at the Touraine. Dr, F, I'm glad that you remember now where you saw me. It's jolly to have Mamie's brother for a fel- low-tenant. Dr, E, (as they go out together). Jolly is no name for it ! I mean I am so glad to be chums with Mamie's sister — I mean — I wish it weren't too early to buy furniture — I mean, too late to — too late to — (They go out together he still protesting and she laughing at him,) Curtain. 24 A QUILTING PARTY IN THE THIRTIES An Outline SKETCH for MUSIC by Evelyn Greenleaf Sutherland (Originally produced in connection with the Pageant Our Ne w E ngla nd, aX th.& B OS ton Theatre, April I o, 1899) A aUILTING PARTY IN THE THIRTIES CHARACTERS ELDER DAVID ELLIOTT HENRY HOLLISTER Originally played by Mr. John Franklin Botume SAUL APTHORP REUBEN LUDD (tenor) JIM SMALL (violin) BEN COOPER (guitar) GRANDMA PAMELA REDTHORNE Originally played by Miss Bertha Swift PERSIS REDTHORNE Originally played by Miss Maud Blackmer RACHEL REDTHORNE ABIGAIL APTHORP Originally played by Miss Agnes Everett A CHORUS OF FIFTY or so young people the period is 1830 THE PLACE IS THE REDTHORNE FARM IN NORTHERN MAINE THE TIME IS THE EARLY EVENING OF A W^INTER'S DAY Copyright^ igoOf by Walter H, Baker 6^ Co, 26 A jilting Party in the ^ Thirties SCENE. — The interior of an old-fashioned kitchen. There is a great fireplace, with a fire bnrjiing, R. Strings of onions, dried apples, hams, etc., hatig fvm the rafters. There is a large '' dresser,'' back, L. zvith oldfashioned china, polished tins, etc. A spinning- wheeL An old-time clock. A door, back, R. Opaque windows; it being night. The kitchen is lighted by m.any tallow candles, A set of quilting frames are at L. 3. Over the fireplace is a '^ Queen s ai'm " m^usket. All the young people are in the centre of the stage, singing vigorously ^-cfider the direction of Henry Hollister, the village schoolmaster. Grandmother Redthorne sits in a great arm- chair by the fire. ELDER ELLIOTT stands by her chair, gently beating time to the music. The selec- tion is '' China,'' At its co7iclusion, the group of singers breaks up ; the girls go to the quilting frames and set them^ in motio7i ; the young men bashfully assist them. The GRANDMOTHER and the ELDER fall into quiet talk, PersIS RedthornE comes forward, her eyes reddened with tears ; she surrep- titiously wipes them, HOLLISTER watches her from a little distance, RACHEL Redthorne ^^;;/^i- down to PERSIS. Rachel, They will see thee, dear coz ! Dry thine eyes, sweeting ; they will rebuke thee for such a face on thy birthday ! 27 A Quilting Party in the ' Thirties Persis, Let them ! Was ever anything so cruel ? Rachel. As the Elder's choosing this night of nights to take your house for his lodging ? It is a hard wager. We had thought to be so gay ! Persis. Fine gayety, to stand and sing, and sing, songs of the tomb, and the worm, and — Abigail Ap thorp (coming suddenly behind them). The devil ! ( They spring to either side, with a little scream.) Abi. Nay ! I did but finish the tale of what songs we sang. Persis. O, Gail ! Is't not cruel that Elder Elliott must needs come to-night, and put all our birthday gayety to rout ? Abi. Truly the good Elder seems the right man in the wrong place, as said the maid who was kissed by her sister's husband. Rachel. Hush ! The Elder may hear thee ! Abi. He has joked jokes in his days, or I cannot read the angles of a man's eyes. But his day is at sun- set, and it darkens all our noon. Picture it ! We might even have danced a reel ! Hollister. There are two lads in the woodshed, Mis- tress Persis, and under their jackets they hide each a fiddle. They said they heard there was sport toward at the Redthorne Farm to-night, and they would gladly lend their gypsy music for a supper and a bed in the hay. Rachel. The fiddlers to our call, and the Elder at the hearth ! Dear Gail, name him again, of whom you said we sang ! 28 A ^luilting Party in the Thirties Abi. The de — (Persis ptits her hand over Abi- gail's lips?) Persis. Master HoUister, look not too closely at mine eyes ! I am as a very child at the loss of my birthday sport ! Holl. Be comforted, dear Mistress Persis! Be — (^He bends more closely over her?) Abi, Ay, by all means be — (^she blows a kiss) dear Mistress Persis, since Master Hollister is so willing for the consolation, but not so near the Grandame and the Elder ! Persis {moving timidly from Hollister). Ah, Gail ! Shame to you ! (Hollister and Persis move up stage?) Abi, Nay, tell the truth and shame the — sh ! Do I not know the symptoms of courting, and my wedding ring a year old? Rach, And your husband — Abi. Asleep in the corner, bless him ! With his courting over for safe and all ! Rachel ! Rachel ! Think of me ! Our fun and our dance must somehow be saved to us. Elder or no Elder. All men are some woman's subjects ; would we could find her who could queen it over the Elder ! Rachel, Such a queen was Grandma Redthorne once. Abi, Good luck ! O best good luck ! Do you mean that the Elder once came a-wooing Grandma Redthorne ? Rachel, He has wooed none since; and it is fifty years. 29 A ^luilting Party in the "Thirties Abi, Good luck indeed. Grandma's eyes are bright still, and she is no foe to youth and folly. Our sport is sure. Rachel, What are you planning, madcap ? Abi. Trust me and wait. Rachel. Too late ! See, the Elder ! (Abigail goes doivn stage, a7td talks zvith GRANDMA Redthorne.) Elder Elliott (^speaking to the company. His manner is antJioritative, yet gentle^. It is good that the gather- ings of the young move to the sound of godly music. Is there none of the youth or maidens who can lift another sacred song } • Abi. Ay, sure Elder ! That can my good man ! Wake, Saul, and lift thy voice in song ! (^Slie shakes Saul [Apthorp, who is asleep and snoring in an arm.- chair?) SauL Is it day so soon, wife Abigail ! Nay but the nights are short ! Abi, Wake quickly ! Thou art needed to lift thy voice in the hymn of good ^' Dundee." Elder {regarding Saul over his spectacles with apprehension). Dundee hath many verses, and her good- man hath not the air of a singing brother. Holl. His bull, Bashan, in the south pasture, can lift a tune more tunefully than he ! Grandma. Madcap jade, my niece Abigail ! Sanl. Sing.? Wife Abigail, ever did'st thou say — Abi. I say now what I say ! Sing ! Saul (^bewildered, but meek. ^ Ay, wife Abigail. (Saul drones ont, i^i an interminable, timeless bellow, a verse of ^* Dundee^ The company cannot disguise 30 A ^^ilting Party in the "Thirties their dismay. Some stop their ears. Great distress grows on tJie ELDER's/^G¥.y the Editor, the Twinson Twins, and any other characters that may be improvised. There is the business of receiving them. The Editor goes about making society notes with pencil and book. There is local talk, introducing local hits and tip-to-date news from the war. Each can write in something for herself,^ Chloe, An' whar am de ladies ob de militia, Jedge Jones, ma'm ? Judge J, Dey'll be here on a 'brevity, ma'm. Mrs. Col. Crackem she was retinered, ma'm, by havin' to court-martial Mrs. Lieutenant Lamkin with a hickory bud. Editor E. What I would ask, ma'm, life bein' trun- cated, an' the paper most ready fo' ptintin', is whar am de entertainment, an' de possum } Chloe, De entertainment will done begin, ladies, with a solone by de two Twinson twins. {Specialty?) Judge J, An' about dat corn-cake } Chloe (tmcovers the corn-cake on the hearth, and zives a cry of dismay). Children ob Israel ! Dat hoe- cake am burnt black as de frogs ob Egypt! Whar's dat fool nigger } Whar's dat Starilla Eugenia? What did I done tell yo' about tendin' dat cake } St, Eu, I done tend it ! May de Lawd look down ! I done burnt it on puppus ! Yo' said yo' wanted a black tea, an' I done thought de hoe-cake mus* be burned a color to correspond ! 44 In Aunt Chloe s Cabin CJiloe. Ef yo don' turn out a yellow hoe-cake, in ten minutes thar will be another court-martial, when Mrs. Col. Crackem comes wid dat hickory bud ! St. Eli. De Lawd look down ! {She exits hurriedly^ Judge J. Nothin' mo' easier dan to be a jedge, ef ye know how ! I done ain't hardly had a case ter try, sence I rejudicated de Robinsons' hawg ! Editor E. Ef yo' wouldn't mind subtailin' fo' de Shucktown Rooster, mam, de innermos' fax o' dat case. Sis' Jones "i (Produces note-book.^ JttdgeJ. Fo' sho', Sis Ems, fo' sho' ! Yo' see. Sis' Robinson she say dat hawg was her hawg, an' Sis' Smith she say she lie, dat hawg was her hawg, an' I say, bein' jedge, I say, " Huccome yo' scrap 'bout dat hawg, wen dat hawg am in de pen o' Jedge Jones, bein' seized fo' costs ? " ( There is the bustle of an arrival, outside^ Chloe. Decompose yo'selves, ladies ! Here's de quality from de house! {Enter Misses Mollie, Catherine, Marcia, Edith, etc.^ Chloe. Lawd bless yo' hearts, honeys, we's analysed wid de honor ob dis ascension ; dat we is ! Marcia. It's we who are honored. Auntie, at being called to entertain all the officials of Shucktown ! Well, what shall it be first } A story, or a song ? {Here can be introduced specialties, ad. lib.^ Editor E. Come, Lilly Loo, I don't like to see you so pale in all this fun 1 Chloe. Yaas, Doctor Dolphus, ma'm, has you sub- scribed fo' Lilly Loo, yet 1 45 In Aunt Chloe s Cabin Dr. D. I has tole her, Aunt Chloe, mam, dat ef she soak a rabbit's hind paw fo' three days in a gallon o' gin, an' den take a cupful five times a day, she won't have no mo' mizry dis side o' Kingdom Come. St. Eic. Fo' Gawd, she won't have no time to have nothin' ; she'd be in Kingdom Come after the second cup ? Catherine. I reckon the best prescription for Lilly Loo would be to get Jake home from the war ? Sara. I reckon dat prescription's goin' to be swal- lered by 'nother young 'ooman ? (Lilly Loo breaks into piteo^is crying^ Chloe. Name ob de livin' Moses ! Am dat de mat- ter wid my Lilly Loo ? Hab a witch-wench stole her plight ? Sara. Don' know 'bout no witches ; but ef one pus- son's eyes shine mo' dan 'nother pusson's eyes, I don' know as a feller's to blame fo' seeing it ! Mollie. For shame, Sara Sapphira ! You know Jake and Mollie were to have been married this month, if he hadn't gone to the war ! Sara. But yo' see he did go to the war Miss Mollie ; an' maybe he'll do' nother marryin' when he comes back. ( She tosses her heady and ostentatiously fondles a ring with a gaudy glass stone that she wears. ) Chloe. Who gibbed yo' dat ring ? {This scene is zvorked tip to a tragic pitchy by the tense attention and the pantomimic dismay of the onlookers) Sara. Ask Lilly Loo to guess ! Chloe. Take it off, yo' devil's shoat ! Sara. I reckon not. Aunt Chloe, ma'm ! 46 In Aunt Chloe s Cabin Mam' Mar. O, let her keep it on, let her keep it on, an' look at her finger, when de next moon fulls ! Sara {uneasily). What yo' sayin'. Mam' Marthy ? Mam' Mar. I'se jest sayin', let de wench wot steals de little gal's man wear dat man's ring li'l longer. Jest till de finger begin to grow big, an' big, an' big, an dere's somefin' inside dat finger dat moves, an' squirms, an' crawls — an' bimeby it's de full ob de moon, and de debble thing in de finger breaks de skin, an' looks up wid a little green eye, an' hisses, — *' Dat _;?;^^^r ain't big nuff lodgin' fo' me, no mo' ; let me find dat girl's black heart ! " (Sara, who has been lis testing in a trance of horror^ breaks into an insane scream.^ Sara. O, Mam' Marthy ! O, name o' Gawd ! Take away de conjo' ! take away de conjo' ! (^She tears ^madly at the ring^ Mam' Mar. Huccome de ring don' come off ? Hue- come dat ring don' come off? . Sara, O yo'se conjured it on ! Yo'se conjured de debble thing on ! ( Throws herself prone on the floor ^ beating Jier forehead against it. ) Mam' Mar. Am it a lie dat holds dat ring on ? Sara. O Gawd, yes, it am a lie ! It am a lie ! Mam' Mar. Git down dar to Lilly Loo, an' 'fess yo' lie ! (Sara, as if hypnotized, drags herself to Lilly's/^^/.) Sara. O Lilly Loo ! 'Twas all a lie ! All a lie ! Jake nebber give me no ring ! I thought mebbe yo'd tink he did, an' send Jake away, an' I'd catch him ! 47 In Aunt Chloe s Cabin ( The ring comes off her finger^ and she fiings it into the fire ^ Lilly. Don' cry, Sara Sapphira ! De conjo's done gone ; an' Jake he shan't know nothin' — an' I'll be well now — an' — don' cry, Sara Sapphira! Sara (weakly ; crouching^. O, Mam' Marthy ! Am de conjo' gone ? Mam' Mar. De conjo' done gone sound asleep, Sara Sapphira — till de lie wakes it up again ! (^Exeunt Lilly, sicpporting the hysterical Sara.) {A sound of violent altercation is heard outside?) Chloe. Name ob Joshua ! What am dat ? My nerveses am a frazzle, fo' sho' ! (^Enter THALIA, dressed as Hamlet, ^^/^ MELPOMENE, dressed as Ophelia?) Tha. To be, or not to be? Mel. Well, ef yo' has any dubiousness on dat ques- tion, Sis Thalia Deborah, I'll jes settle it, right now ! It's not to be, dat you does any ob yo' ol' Hamlet silly- queers, to bodder dis company, what I has been asked to subjucate wid a taste ob de regenrit drama ! Tha. Regenrit fiddlestick ! Yo' do Feelers, yo' ol' loony jackass in a jute wig, a-sowin' cabbages ! {The players can continue a scene, ad. lib., i7i which each tries to do her sccjte, ending in a free fight, which is interrupted by the sound of drums and trumpets outside.^ Chloe. Praise de Lawd, here's de regular army; an' now we'll have peace ! (Enter Mrs. Col. Crackem, in full uniform^ fol- lowed by the Shucktown Guards.^ Mrs. C. Who's outragin' de peaces ? 48 In Aunt Chloes Cabin Chloe. O, Mis' Colonel, ma'm, dese ladies has had a triflin' disconnection. Col. C. Carry em both out, an* cool *em under de pump ! We must an' will have peace ! (Tha. a7id Mel. are dragged ojf^ Judge, Mrs. Colonel, mam, what was dem respirin' strains we heard, as yo' was a-marchin' on } Col. C. Dem strains, mam, was de natural hymn ob de Shucktown Guards; an' every Shucktonian wuf de name, mam, mus' learn to join in de chorus ! Editor E, Sing on, mam, an' we'll coruscate ! Chloe. Yaas ; an' when it's did, we'll done lead de attack on dat possum ! (CoL. C. and the guards sing the following songy to a lively ''coon' 'inarch ^ ^making appropriate movements with the broom^s and hoes with which they are armed^ SONG. When de men am off, a-servin' ob a gun, An' a-marchin' an' a-sailin', day an' night, Den am time fo' de ladies ob color done begun Jes' to terin fo' a han' in de fight ! {Chorus^ Den shoulder yo' hoe, an' yo' ol corn broom, When yo' hear de cunnel holler ; Bang ! bang ! say de drum, now niggers, make room Fo' de march ob de ladies ob color ! WeVe hoed in de fields till our arms is moughty strong. And we'll hab de won'dring worl' to know Dat dare don't no nigger do de ol' flag wrong. While de women kin handle a hoe I 49 In Aunt Chloe s Cabin (^Chorus,) Den shoulder yo' hoe, etc. We've swep' de flo so tidy an' so well, Till de dust flew off 'n de broom ; An' we'll sweep all foes from Manila into — {A violent bang on the bass drum,) Wid de udder end of de broom ! {Chorus^ Den shoulder yo' hoe, etc. (^At the conclusion of the songy at the gestured invita- tion ^/ Aunt Chloe, the guests make a mad rush for the possum^ Curtain. ^0 THE STORY OF A FAMOUS WEDDING An Outline SKETCH for MUSIC and DANCING by Evelyn Greenleaf Sutherland (Originally produced at the Boston Theatre in connection with the Pageant Our New England, April lo, 1899) s» THE STORY OF A FAMOUS WEDDING CHARACTERS BENNING WENTWORTH Governor of the Colojzy of New Hampshire. Originally played by Clarence Benedict LORD HARRY HUNTERS LORD MERRINGTON REV. ARTHUR BROWN JOTHAM JACK WRIGHTMORE MARTHA HILTON The Governor's Assistant House- keeper. Originally played by Mrs. Helen Adelaide Shaw LADY PARROTTE MISTRESS STAYERS SALLY the time is 1760 the scene is the drawing-room of governor wentworth, at portsmouth, new hampshire Copyright^ igoo, by Walter H, Baker 6^ Co, 52 The Story of a Famous Wedding SCENE. — The drawing-room of Governor Went- Worth's mansion at Newcastle^ New Hampshire . The period is lydo ; the furniture is a7itique and rich ; there is a spinet, and the room is lighted by candles in candelabra and sconces. There are flow- ers a7id all possible signs of festivity. As the cur- tain rises, there is a burst of laughter from the next room, arid clinking of glasses. JoTHAM and Sally are arranging a coffee-tray on a table, Jotham, Fine doings be toward, Mistress Sally ! There be no less two-and-forty coaches of the nobility and gentry — ay, and 'tis arms all the world knows they bears on their panels — that wait without, in our stable- yard ! Sally, An' why not 1 If folk cannot honor their rightful Governor, under the King, God bless him ! when 'tis that Governor's birthday, what do they read their prayer-books for ? Jotham, Mebbe it's a bigger day yet than the Gov- ernor's birthday, Sally, lass ! Sally. A bigger day? What could make it a big- ger day ? What addled egg be your wits a sittin' on now, Jotham ? Jotham, Addled egg, is it? Then set you on your own ideas till they hatch the devil, for all I'll tell a saucy jade the biggest seeing New Hampshire e'er saw ! Sally, A real seeing ? Nay, Jotham, dear Jotham, I S3 The Story of a Famous Wedding ne'er meant to jape ye ! I was but gruntled, Jotham, that ye danced with that pernicious Martha so many times at the servants' ball, last night, an' with me too scantly ! When the finest man in the house flouts one, Jotham, a poor weak woman may e'en turn shrew ! Jotham {deeply flattered). Well, lass, when many seek a man, he cannot always be with the one ! An' would ye really know the seeing I saw yon i' the kitch- en ? What say ye to a wedding-cake ? Ay ! No less than a true wedding-cake ; with silver atop, and white frost-sweet, too, as thick as — as thick as — {Better Martha.) Martha. As thick as the head of an old gossip that will draw a cudgel on his crown, by keeping his master's guests waiting for their coffee ! Jump at your work, man ! Jotham. Well, of all the wasp-tongued wenches ! {Enter Mistress Stavers.) Sally {to Stavers). And of all the grand-aired wenches ! 'Tis as if she were housekeeper over us all, an' not a serving lass one wi' us, an' no better ! Mistress S. Ay, 'tis ever the same sauce-pate as when she spilt the town pump's water from her swing pail over the bare legs of her, an' — Martha. Oh, Mistress Stavers ! That ever you should use such indelicacies in a gentleman's drawing- room, and that gentleman the Governor ! Mistress S, Out upon your japing ! So you japed in the days I was inn-mistress o' the Earl o' Halifax ; and when I would have called from my tavern door to 54 The Story of a Famous JV^edding teach you manners, ^* No matter how I look, madame ! " says you, '"• I yet shall ride in my own carriage ! " Martha, And when I do, dame dearest, it is you shall loll on the seat to face me ! Sally* Mayhap 'tis for her the wedding-cake's baked below ! Mayhap she weds to-night wi' — who's grand enough? Lord! Happen she weds wi' the Governor ! ( Titters, ) Martha, An' if I do, wench, you shall stoop to pick up my dropped handkerchief, and court'sy low, with a '' By your leave, my lady ! " Jotham. Ho ! ho ! ho ! {Raptures of laughter,') Sally. Ay, all this shall be, an' no mistake, when crows hatch swans, an' she marries the Governor ! By your leave, my lady ! ( With an ironical courtesy, JOTHAM laughs again. They go otct.) Mistress S, Haste ye now an' put that pretty touch of thine on the flowers and fairings, that all be as the Governor likes when presently he comes in from his dinner. 'Tis a touch that sets all it touches a-blossom- ing, lass, runagate though ye were ever ! Martha, In all my runnings have I e'er run past the door of thy good heart, dear dame, and so home, over its threshold ? Have I ? Mistress S, {with an embrace). Ay, well have you that, and long ago ; and well do you know the same, Maid Mischief ! Martha. Then lay thy kind hand on my head, — thus — motherwise, — and say, *' God send thee a clear road, and courage to tread it, head up and eyes for- ward ! " 55 The Story of a Famous Wedding Mistress S, {Jiandon MARTHA'S /^^(^(^). What's this new folly? Martha. Nay, say it, though but in a kiss ! Quick ! I hear movement ! The grand folk are here ! Mistress S, (kissing" /ler). Have thine own sort of blessing, madcap ! There, thou hast pushed my cap all awry! Serve them till I come! (Bustles out,) Martha, '' Mine own sort of blessing ! " Ah ! Will mine own choice be a blessing or a ban? How stale tastes a game that is won ! (Enter Jack Wrightmore.) Martha, Jack ! Ah ! What mad sea-sending's here, Jack ? Jack, The sea hath sent a true-lover to his own, Martha ! Come away from all their fripperies and wisp-lights ! I — I dare not kiss thee here, and how my heart aches for it ! Martha. Thou'lt kiss me nevermore, Jack, lad, in light or dark. I had writ to tell thee — thy ship was not due home this month and more. Jack. Thou'lt kiss wi' me no more? Martha! Martha ! Art mad, lass? Martha, Nay, 'tis life that's mad, I think. I never gave thee more than hope of promise. There never will be more — hush ! Go thy ways, quick ! I must serve them that come ! To-morrow they will serve me 1 Wait but an hour, and thou shalt hear my rid- dle read. There ! I'm sorry for thee, Jack, good heart ! I'm sorry I But lad's love's quick outburnt ! There are eyes as bright in other harbors ! Go ! Jack, It's but an ill dream, lass ! Sure it's but an ill dream ! 56 The Story of a Famous Wedding QHe gropes his way blindly outy as SiR HARRY Hunters and Lord Merrington co^ne in. The other guests follow, by groups and pairs ; they stroll about the rooms , examining the flowers and decorations. The gentlemen serve the ladies to coffee,) Hunters {watching Jack's departure through his lorgnette). 'Fore Gad, what strange sea-beast is that, I wonder? Martha, One of the sort, my lord, that risks his life on the sea, that fine gentlemen may dawdle on shore in idle safety ! Lord M. {laughing). Well shot, pretty one ! 'Fore heaven's that was a neat hit, Harry ! Hunters, She's damnably pert ! Lord M, She's damnably pretty! Hunters, There's something in the air of this raw new country that kills out respect for one's betters ! I'll have this wench sent about her business, or I've lost my hold on my uncle the Governor ! ( They go up stage,) Lady Parrotte {coming down stage, with the Rev. Arthur Brown). A charming party — yes — yes — a charming party, on my word ! But how sad that a mansion like this should lack a mistress ! Brown, Sad indeed ! If the Governor would but take a wife ! Lady P, Some lady of years, experience, and dis- cretion ! Brown, Nay ! Let age warm itself at the fire of youth, say I ! What joy is in an old woman if a man himself be in years ? 57 The Story of a Famous W^edding Lady P. How dare you, sir ! What sentiments from a churchman ! (They go up stage ^ he apologizing and she ruffling herself in anger, ^ {Enter Gov. Wentworth.) Lady P. Ah, Governor ! Grant that I lend you my arm to your chair ! {As she starts to officiously lend him aid, she steps on his swathed and gouty foot. He gives a bovine bellow of pain and rage. General consternation.^ Gov. W. Will somebody lift that two hundred pounds of damned old woman off my toe? (Martha comes forward ; Lady P. is led up stage in tears.) Martha. Gently, sir, — now a little to the right — that is well? (She deftly seats the Governor in his great chair. ) Gov. W. You are a good lass, Martha, — a good lass ! You've most of the sound sense in the colony ! {She arranges his footstool,) Lady P. Such an example for the Governor of a colony to set! A widower — and the wench isn't a day over two-and-twenty ! No self-respecting widower ever employed a maid-servant unless she squinted ! A double squint — nothing else need call itself truly moral ! Gov, W, Where's my nephew? Harry, lad! Hunters. I'm here, uncle. What is it your pleasure to want? Gov. W. Give us that song, lad, that I praised the other day at the hunt breakfast ! Nay, not the one 58 The Story of a Famous Wedding about the mare — 'tis a devilish fine song, too, that song, but not with ladies ! The one with the toast in it ! Htmters. Really, uncle, I am not sure that my voice — Gov. W. To the devil with your voice, sir ! Who said anything of your voice? I asked for the song! Hunters, At your pleasure, uncle. (Hunters sings ^^ Here's to the Maiden of Bashful Sixteen^' with the guests joining i^i the chorus.^ Gov. W. Guests and friends, you have toasted the lass of sixteen ! Now I ask you to toast, and a cheer with it, the lass of two-and-twenty, whom to-night sees sealed my wife. {Immense sensation ; exclamations of guests, rising through the general confused murmur, ^^ His wife ! " ** The Governor marries ! " etc., ad lib^ Lady P. He takes a wife ! Ah, my beating heart ! Gov. TV. Ay, friends. The feast is a feast still; but now it feasts a wedding ! To-night is my birth- night ; it is also my wedding-night ; and you (turning to the Rev. Arthur Brown, who is standing near him) shall marry me ! Lady P. (who is standing near the Rev. A.). I ? (In a hysterical scream of joy. She is hustled into the background.^ Rev. A. This — this unexpected — this — Gov. W. Great powers, man ! It is I who am to be married, and not you ! Rev. A. But, your Excellency, — the bride — Gov. W. (taking yiKKTllK's hand). Is here. The best lass in the colony. And from to-night to be its greatest lady ! 59 The Story of a Famous Wedding (A second and yet more profound sensation. The amazed guests endeavor to conceal their feelings of dis- may.) Rev. A, (^stammering). But — but — but — Gov, W, But ! ! But ! ! Is the man a goat or a parson? Am I Governor or am I not? If I am Gov- ernor, by the Lord ! you had best marry me before I — Rev, A, At once, your Excellency. If you will take your place. {The Governor and Martha take their places be- fore the Parson. The face of Jack is seen peeriftg in over the heads of the servants^ who crowd at the doors, back. He dashes his hand across his eyes, with a de- spairing gesture, and disappears,) Lady P, (while the marriage is going on in dumb show.) Did I not say it? I know what comes of a maid-servant without a squint ! Lord M, {to Hunters). If you have not lost all hold with your uncle, Harry, lad, have him send the wench away! (Laughs.) Hunters, And to see my heritage being vowed away ! And I fathoms deep with the Jews ! Damna- tion ! Rev, A, Man and wife. And whom God hath joined together let not man put asunder. {He congratulates the GOVERNOR and MARTHA. The guests approach with congratulations. At the con- clusion of the ceremony MARTHA takes off her servant's cap, drops it on the floor, and lightly sets her foot on it. She takes a rose from her breast and fastens it ifi her hair. All the men in congratulating her kiss her hand, 60 The Story of a Famous Wedding except Sir Harry, who merely bows over it. Gov. Wentworth stamps^ imperiously^ ordering him to kiss her hand. He does so,^ Martha {to herself). He has stood stanch to his word. A brave heart. That's something. Lady P. {congratulating) , And I trust your lady- ship may long be spared to squint — I beg — I beg — {She is hustled away.) Gov, W, I may not tread a measure with my Lady Wentworth, but may I ask you to be my deputy, my lord? {To Merrington.) Lord M, The first dance with Lady Wentworth? This is honor indeed ! {He leads MARTHA out for the dance. As she passes near the doors ^ back, she kisses her hand gay ly to MIS- TRESS St avers. As she takes her place at the head of the dance^ she drops her handkerchief. She motions Sally to pick up her handkerchief. The girly in a dazed sort of way, obeys. She does not courtesy as she does so. The GOVERNOR, noticing, roars out.) Gov, W. Wench, be these your manners to my Lady Wentworth? (Sally goes up, courtesies, and murmurs, ^^ By your leave, my lady ! *' ) Jotham {in doorway). If the wench were not Lady Wentworth I'd take oath she was the devil ! {The music strikes up. As MARTHA begins the first figure of this dance, MISTRESS St AVERS in the doorway murmurs betzveen a laugh and a sob, ^' Ah, Pat ! sweet madcap, thou hast kept thy word ! " The dance goes on^ At its conclusion the curtain falls.) Curtain. 6i SEP 29 1900