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Hollinger Corp. 
 
 pHas 
 
FOR SALE BY ALL BOOK STORES AND NEWS STANDS, PRICE 25C, 
 
 THE WIFE OF "'OSTLER JOE," 
 
 A TRAVESTY 
 
 / 
 
 y 
 , TT a? 13: TX7".A. Xj X) o 3sr, 
 
 AUTHOR OF 
 
 " Revised Versions," "Trixanna Trude," " Puddleton and 
 Its Big Toads," etc. 
 
 ,^ ^ 
 
 PUBLISHED BY \^''^;^' " /^ ^i ^^ 
 
 R. W. BROWER, 
 Music Dealer and Publisher, 
 
 OTTAWA, ILLINOIS, 
 
 JOUflNAL STEAM PRINT, OTTAW 
 

 Entered according to the Act of Congress, 
 in the year 1886, by E. W. Brower, in 
 the office of the Librarian of Congress, 
 at Washington, D. C. 
 
 ^^SH^^^ 
 
fta B& if ^^Isthi Jit.'' 
 
 A TRAVESTY. 
 
 By Ruth Wai^don. 
 
 I fain would pluck a flower, but none was ever 
 
 known to grow 
 Upon the grave of ' ' Annie Brown, ' ' the wife of 
 
 '"Ostler Joe." 
 It was in a lonely corner, and no stone was at its 
 
 head, 
 Although, at least, a dozen years poor Annie had 
 
 been dead. 
 
 But her rest was just as peaceful without flowers 
 
 red or white, 
 And she never lured a single soul from doing what 
 
 was right. 
 She did not need a stone to tell she had been an 
 
 honest wife. 
 For a dozen children, more or less, bore witness to 
 
 the strife. 
 
 ;)<;}< ^ iii :^ ;ic >}: ;}c 
 
 1 
 
'Twas a hot day in the summer, and his face was 
 
 very red, 
 And sweat in drops, stood on his brow, when Joe 
 
 did Annie wed. 
 He wore a bright blue neck-tie and a collar stiff and 
 
 new. 
 And Annie was dressed gorgeously in yellow, red 
 
 and blue. 
 
 Joe had never been called handsome, but he did not 
 
 seem to care; 
 Annie would have been a beauty but for freckles 
 
 and red hair. 
 They'd a cottage near the stables — kept some pigs 
 
 and owned a cow- 
 Where they earned an honest living by the sweat- 
 ing of the brow. 
 
 "Sped the months and came a baby," and they 
 
 named him "Little Joe;" 
 Next came Ann and Jane and Johnnie, Tom and 
 
 Ned, all in a row. 
 Joe kept rubbing down the "'osses," gave them 
 
 extra clover hay 
 In honor of each baby, but he found it wouldn't 
 
 pay. 
 
Had to celebrate too often, for his joys came very 
 
 thick, 
 To keep up such extravagance would take a goodly 
 
 rick; 
 He explained it to the "'osses," and they gave a 
 
 kindly neigh — 
 We accept your good intentions, was just what they 
 
 seemed to say. 
 
 And the children they were rosy; they looked just 
 
 like Ann and Joe ; 
 All the people in the parish fifty times had told 
 
 them so. 
 Passed the years and came the babies, keeping tally 
 
 very near; 
 Now and then they gained a little by two coming 
 
 in a year. 
 
 Happy was that little cottage for the doctor passed 
 
 them by, 
 Neither pills nor paregoric did Joe ever have to 
 
 buy. 
 Thunder storms in all their fury were as nothing to 
 
 their noise. 
 And a cyclone was a zephyr when compared to 
 
 Joseph's boys. 
 
If a gentleman did ever dare this cottage door to 
 
 pass, 
 Both dust and pebble stones they'd fling, besides 
 
 they'd give him " sass ;" 
 Then they'd call the "pretty gemplum," when he 
 
 stopped they'd yell out "rrats " — 
 All the ' ' gemplum ' ' in the village learned to know 
 
 the saucy brats. 
 
 In the bar-room of the " Magpie " they did learn 
 
 much " classic lore ;" 
 They usually did graduate about the age of 
 
 four * * * 
 Came a bar-maid to the " Magpie ;" they imported 
 
 her from town 
 With a fancy frilled white apron and a stylish city 
 
 gown: 
 
 Hair as glossy as the raven and her teeth a pearly 
 
 row; 
 Whether they were real or boughten she did never 
 
 let them know. 
 Her laugh, it was so musical, like silver bells did 
 
 ring. 
 Sounded like the social glasses with their merry 
 
 ting-a-ling. 
 
" Lurly Heights," she couldn't find 'em on the 
 
 best and plainest maps, 
 But it wasn't much worth knowing what she didn't 
 
 know of taps. 
 She never learned the siren's song, but 'twould 
 
 almost make you cry 
 When she sat upon an ale-keg singing Comin' for 
 
 the "Rye." 
 
 The song she sung allured more men to destruction 
 every week, 
 
 Than all the songs that the siren's sang from Ivurly's 
 tallest peak. 
 
 Higher rose her fame and wages, while she laughed 
 and sung and smiled — 
 
 Crowded was the " Magpie's " bar-room and high- 
 er the beer kegs piled. 
 
 From customer to customer quickly passed the 
 
 foaming ale; 
 All her rivals in the business fairly trembled and 
 
 turned pale. 
 Of their very oldest patrons scarcely one came any 
 
 more. 
 While the beer and ale got sour and the}- had to 
 
 close the door. 
 
'Twas the very same old story, often told and o'er 
 
 again; 
 'Twas a handsome, clever woman and a lot of silly 
 
 men. 
 Joe, the 'Ostler, was no better than the rest before 
 
 the bar, 
 He was ' ' mashed ' ' upon the bar-maid and she 
 
 made a ' ' family jar. ' ' 
 
 'Twas this talking to the '"osses" that, at last, 
 
 gave Joe away ; 
 For he talked about the bar-maid while he fed them 
 
 extra hay — 
 ^'Her was so fine an' 'ansome— 'ad a 'igh bred 
 
 filly's pace; 
 Fresh red clover in the summer wasn't sweeter than 
 
 her face. 
 
 Annie was too fat and clumsy, and her 'air, it was 
 
 so red; 
 When her walked her ki.id o' waddled," was what 
 
 ' Ostler Joseph said. 
 As he told it to the " 'osses" the grey filly shook 
 
 her ear — 
 As if to say, " look out, old boy, there'll be trouble 
 
 soon, I fear." 
 
He was talking to the horses, though he talked 
 
 quite low and soft, 
 Annie, she was hunting hen's eggs in the hay mow 
 
 in the loft. 
 So, she just kept still and listened, just like any 
 
 woman can 
 When she finds she's quite "surrounded" a base 
 
 recreant man. 
 
 Home came Joe that night to supper and he met 
 
 his wrathy wife. 
 And he learned the bitter lesson he remembered all 
 
 his life. 
 She burst on him like a fury from the little back 
 
 bed-room — 
 Hissing through the air in circles swung the 
 
 handle ol the broom. 
 
 " When her walks her kind o' waddles, does her?" 
 
 irate Annie said. 
 And she laid the broom-stick level on his shoulders, 
 
 back and head. 
 And he told it to the " 'osses " and they whinnered 
 
 very low; 
 But the filly's eyes did twinkle; seemed to say, " I 
 
 told you so. ' ' 
 
Then he knelt down by the "'osses," and he 
 
 thought he'd try to pray, 
 But he knew he ' 'didn' t ought to, ' ' so not a word 
 
 could find to say; 
 Something told him he deserved to pass under the 
 
 chast'ning rod. 
 And he knew it was the broom-stick that had made 
 
 him think of God. 
 
 That's the lesson I fain would teach by this, while 
 
 brooms are made for sweeping dust. 
 They come handy in emergencies when women lose 
 
 their trust, 
 When wielded by a valiant arm, 'twill convince 
 
 men on the spot 
 That their wives are good and beautiful, if it don't, 
 
 they'll make it hot. 
 
 ^» 
 
upEViSED Versions," a Poetical Par- 
 ^" allel;also "Fragments of Thought" 
 and ' 'Trixanna Trude, ' ' a Society Epic, 
 by Ruth Wai^don. In the hands of the 
 Publisher. 
 
 •UPUDDLKTON, AND ITS BiG ToADS," 
 
 - by Ruth Wai^don. In the hands 
 of the Publisher. 
 
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
 015 863 801 
 
iiiiiSi j 
 
 015 863^0T_u^