y/" ^*j. ^^^zt^^^^^^Jr /^^ J Cljrilling flag, I1^T FIATE -A. GTS. « mm®m mmMMU'^m^m'^r. m ^ m 'Twill be as lasting us the hill, Where thou didst play a shepherd's boy, And taught, thy dog to bark. PHILADELPHIA: A. SWAN, PRINTER, S. E. CORNER SECOND AND CHESTNUT STS. 1856. r. TO! [p®yir[](ga^KO a J Clrrilliiiff ^m, IlSr FIA7"E jft-OTS. Twill be as lasting as the hill, Where thou didst play a shepherd's boy, And taught, thy dog to hark. PHILADELPHIA: SWAN, PRINTER, S. E. CORNER SECOND AND CHESTNUT STS, ' ^ 1856. ^'■< r s^ Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1856, bj' SIMON W. BRIGHT, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the Eastern District of Pennsylvania. THE POLITICIANS. IDTIJ^TSKJ^TXS I>EPlS01Sr.aE3- HENRY W. BLUMOR, Member of Congress. Mrs. BLUMOR, Jiis Wife. WIDOW BLUMOR, ?m Mother. Col. OLIVER GOODWILL,") WILLIAM IIAUTHORN, \ Friends of Blumor. NAT. BUXTON, J JOHN -XERXES BROWN, Candidate far Cmigress. Miss MARY ESSENCE, Maid of Surrxj, (iu lore with Brown.) DELIA, her Servant. SAMUEL PETOCINE, "j LOWNDES CARRAL, I JETHRU McPIIERRIE, J SOLOMON JOLOR, ABSOLAM JUNC, PETER CARACAT, BEVERLY BUTTERCOCK, DICK FERROST, ABNER SHANKS, Jxulge, Lawyer, Doctor, DevU, Ghost, Post Boy, Hostler, Aunt Mirny, Sheriff", Landlord, Citizens, Servants, Guards. Friends of Brown. / ■ Enemies to Blumor. THE POLITICIANS. ACT I. Scene I. — A ilidnight Plot. — Enter Joler, Jrxc, Cakacat, BuTTERCocK, Ferrost, and Shanks. Jol. Fellow Comrades — we liave met at this fit time, And opportune place, at this late hour, When bats and owls are motionless as sleep ; When dead silence reigns, and nothing is afloat, Except the noiseless dews, to concoct the ■ Ruin of a prosperous man ; and adjust Matters to our taste, appertaining to Each one's interest. 'Tis a well known fact. That Blumor's daily gaining strength, and will Be elected unless his tide of fortune Stops. The people praise him every where. And say he's a worthy man ; — each one must Tax his ingenuity in devising Subtle means to impair his i-eputation ; — Fix a plan, and lay a snare to do it. His defeat will reward our efforts in A sextuple ratio, and triumph lift Up our heavy heads. In this electioneering Struggle, we've gain'd nothing by being fair; Lets resort to craft and cunning ; this Is allow'd politicians ; no system Of device, no frauds, are bad enough for Blumor; his damn'd shoulders arc able to Bear the machinations of blear ey'd devils. He's our enemy, oppos'd to our cause. In favor of stringent liquor laws. We are wild, and gay, and do drink our drams. As our Fathers did, have done time immemoriaL If divested the means, Of our gayety, we are no longer gay ; But freemen under duress, inpos'd 6 THE POLITICIANS. Upon by a legislative laAv, Conflicting with Divine laws ; — can we stomach The thought, to be bereft the apple, and Its palatable juices, a gift of God, Subject to man's directions, appliances, And uses, many thousand years ; But recently deem'd an error, to Be corrected by law, timely ript from Longing individual appetite ; Made a legislative triumph, independent The influence of the moral world. Man should be free, and joyous, with feelings Warm, and gushing — God has made him so. Who dare alter His workmanship, and by Enactment force it to a moral visage, A long face moralist. We have no Evil here without His knowledge. Who dare, With an aspect of deceit, as white Sepulchres, wink at heaven's wisdom, and Support measures, to rid the world of a Plague, permitted, allow'd by the Omnipotent ; To remove the tempter with a Process of law, wherewith we are tempted, Refin'd and purified. ! ignorant. Foolish race, — your surphis age of religion Incites you to do, what God has never done ; — Prayer, righteousness, are instruments Of sins removal, not moral vanity, That which makes ye Solomons, to banish Thy brother's wickedness, and makes thy eyes As telescopes, to peer into coming Evil. O foolish people, do now what You conceive is good to be done, remove This your curse, and God can send you one that's worse, The fires of Sodom, and Gomoi-ah, Famines, pestilence, bloodshed, civil war; But enough, I'll act as chairman, while each Of you, do set forth his designs and plans Invented for Blumor's overthrow. Fcr. Mr. Chairman, I dislike Blumor, I hate the man, None will exult more than I, at his defeat; A designing, schemy hypocrite; — Why sir, at church, none says amen louder, To the minister's prayer, to his sermon ; None listens more attentively ; for the Vile purpose of catching votes, and reaping The people's favor: success crown's the rascal; Fortune's lap is emptied at his feet ; Not by fair means, but foul ; yet among the THE POLITICIANS. People, he is preferable to Browu ; Whom they accuse with ignorance, as a Sappy youth ; unfit for Congress, and class Him with the commonest farmer, that ever Plough'd a crooked furrow, and do maintain The opinion, that honor belongeth Not to those who are least among us, but Tlie greatest. Blumor being great, therefore Should be honor'd ; Brown not being great, should Be dishonor'd, with the scandal of defeat: Designated the silliest goose, that Ever gTaz'd upon the green sod of the Valley ; an undiscij)lin'd mass ; An unwean'd puppy, whining about the people For their suffrages, who hate him. Ah ! this Hatred must be chang'd ; the people must take It as a dainty morsel, for they'll be Nonplus'd at the snar's we'll lay for Blumor; Fall from his support, as ripe apples from The tree ; scandal must do its work ; stalk forth To disperse the prepossessions the people Have for Blumor. We are men of truth. But must be liars once; perjury will Create a great reaction, and transfer the Popular tide to Brown ; we must say Blumor Has done thus, and thus, and strengthen our Sayings with an oath ; we'll be believed. I'm no person for designs, I never was, But will enter upon any jjlot We may adopt, for Bhimor's downfall; — Though it should be, to take away his life. Car. Mr. Chairman, I can bob Blumor's tail and clip His pride, by penning his neighbor's pigs, his Neighbor's cattle, his neighbor's stock, upon His land, and giving them his mark. This should Be done, and published in the Journals Of the day, so that the people can perceive He's a rogue, and stealeth from his neighbors. June. Mr. Chairman, that design will never do. Blumor's purse is heavy, he's rich and able To purchase his neighbor's stock, at three Times their value, and could reconcile the Matter, by saying his negroes did the Mischief. 'Twould be better to bribe some woman Of ill repute, to swear the rape against Him. This would enrage the people, and bring The wretch to punishment. But. Mr. Chairman, Blumor is a man of character, Hitherto unimpeach'd, his oath will 6 THE POLITICIANS. Outweigh any woman's oath, of ill repute ; Besides, he is a married man. And has a pretty wife. That he has wrong' d His wife, and committed rape upon a Vile wench, cannot be palm'd off upon the Public ; none would believe such false report; And the whore would have to clear the ti'ack, else- Receive punishment, for what is deem'd spite ; — Intolerable means, to be aveng'd Upon a man, who never touch'd a harlot. I have a remedy more effectual ; If in its application, we can agree : For Blumor, when we meet him next, lets feign Friendship, advocate his measures, admit He's right, and that we'll support him, to be With the majority; if for nothing Else. While doing this, Avhile praising him, and Heaping flatteries, upon his sinful Head, I'll drop my pocket-book into his Pocket ; slip away unobserved, and make Proclamation of robbery. Then each Of you, must go to the Sheriff, whose Services I'll procure, to ferret out the thief, And tell him Blumor purloined the book. We'll have him in a ruinous snare ; Wherewith he'll be disgraced forever. Shanks. Mine eot, a petter ting, never vas in Sharmany done. Jol. Yes, 'tis a good thing, a noble thing. All suificient to work an enemy's Destruction; 'twill bury him low; sink him Beneath the rubbish of the flood. Now to The battle, comrades; we'll sing, and drink, to Buttercock's health. [T/iei/ sing.) Hurra ! hurra ! for Buttercock, Old Blumor, directly, Will be lead to the whipping block, And there whipp'd correctly. Hurra ! hurra ! for Buttercock, We'll sing his praises high; His plots, his plans, his schemes, will shock, Politicians greatly. Hurra ! hurra ! for Buttercock, Now, we'll mingle glasses, For every one to drink his health, And bray like jack-asses. [^Exeunt, braying.'\ THE POLITICIANS. \) Scene II. — In the Streets — Unter .Joler, Junc, Buttekcock, Ferrost, Shanks, and C.vracat, ichisjjerinff. Enter Blumor, icho nods in the act of passing/ them. But. Blumor, pass not by us, we are your fi-iends, Myself and the others here, are your truest friends. Blu. You are jesting, I imagine, sir. Car. He's right in thinking so, at first we were His enemies. Blu. And are so still, I fear. Fer, Away with fear, chang'd we are, from worst to Better, have forsaken Brown, as he fell Short of our expectations, as u man Of merit, and politician. We lik\l His principles, but yours, when understood We lik'd better. Blu. (Asto7iished.) Well! well! then you are my friends. (Buttercock slips the jwc/cet-book, in his pocket, and leaves.) Jol. We are your friends, and willing to be Accepted as such ; if you've been wrong'd With speeches of deffamation ; if your Prospects we have soil'd, and to your influences Been detrimental, this proffering you Our support, and a knowledge of this Among the people, will be a revocation Of what we have done. Blu. A double revocation, and thanks from Your humble Candidate. June. If humble, he is exalted, above The muddy round of mediocrity ; His name immortal in the annals of state, His excellences, the people do revere. And are proud of their noble standard bearer. — Who honors his coiuitry, is honor'd. We will neither lessen that honor. Nor blemish oui* names, and reputation. By being in the suds, in the minority We are for you, and the majority Float with the tide ; you are the tide, And many people are in it ; therefore, boast and Brag, and not by actions show, That your election is doubtful. Blu. 'Tis a thing, I've never done, but since my Enemies are my friends, and do elate Me with their friendship, I can demurely Boast, that my election is sure, if surety Is ascertain'd by actions, looks, or jestures; 2 10 ' THE POLITICIANS. And there is any truth, in manifestations ; — I'm cheer'd up ev'ry where, and from external Appearanc's, do believe. I'll be elected Almost unanimously ; but belief's Are thwarted by sudden circumstances; And in tempests, ships are lost. If it Remaineth calm, and no storm ariseth, To blow away my hopes ; if the voters Are true, and prove not false, I'll get the largest Vote ever given in this district. Shii/iks. Valk in dece shop, and take some peer mit us ; You be von big man, bigger dan de Odder von's ; de jjeoples vill vote mit yovi. [^Exeunt all in th^' f!hop.'\ Re-enter Buttercock. Jiut. An accident, — by all the powers, my Pocket-book's gone, stolen ; — but five minutes Since, I defray'd my tavern bill, — full of Bank notes, — stutt"'d,— stiitf'd, — ah ! — I'm ruin'd,— my Money's lost. [Enter Sheriff.) Hallo Sheriii',I"m robbed. — Slier. By whom ? But. Pick-pockets, rogues, thieves, a reward for detection. \_Exit.^ Slier. I'll look up the thief, and bring him to trial; Where he'll get his deserts, and have his back Chequr'd with vermillion sti-ipes. Enter Joler, Junc, Shanks, Ferrost, Caracat. Sher. Your pocket-books gentlemen, I must look At every man's pocket-book ; a theft has Been committed. Jol. Who has lost a pocket-book? Sher. Buttercock. Jol. Ah ! Blumor's the rogue, he purloin'd the book. Sher. Is it possible ? May we not expect A second flood ? What's the world coming to, When such men turn rogues ? He has small ears I trow. Jol. Whether large or small, he has an ear, he Has an art and slippery hands for theft. Sher, If cursed with such an ear, such an art, And such hands, how did you detect him ? Jol. By chance ; we met him in the street to day, Receiv'd him with the courtesy due from One partisan to another : had some Friendly talk upon the topics of the day, About the election ; how the difl'ei-ent Counties would go, and the issue between The parties. We were arous'd, so was he, lu his excitement, to make us converts ; THE POLITICIANS. 11 And to impress his political faith, He would slap us on the shoulders ; He slap'd Battercock thus, and in his slaps and flirts, Got his hand into his pocket, stol'd His pocket-book before oiir eyes ; held it in His hand, continued excited, and slap'd Buttercock's back, with the pocket-book Without his knowledge; then gulp'd it in his own Pocket. 'Twas a keen trick. Sher. Did the rest of you see it ! — witness this keen trick ? Car. We did, and will verify what .Joler 'Says, corroborate his declarations With an oath. Sher. Then Blumor must be arrested, disgrac'd, And brought to trial. Car. ' 'Tis what we desii-e, — disgi'ace will pluck his Feathers, shake his vanity, convulse his Proud breast, corrugate his winning features, Evaporate his manly bearing, dry him Up a drivel'd idiot ; reel him about As a loaded mule ; make him vacillate As a clock's pendulum ; drag him tVom bis Distinguish' d summit, to an obscure position! — Arrest him, we'll follow at your heels, To exult at his mortification. And astonishment ; — but here he comes ! Sher. [To Blu.) Lets have your pocket-book ! Bill. [Giving it.) Take it, appropriate it to your Necessities, the people's necessities. Let it relieve their wants, and cheer up the Hearts of the crestfallen. Sher. This is not the one I want, lets have the Other one ? Blu. 'Tis the only one I have. Sher. Let me search your pockets, I wager, I'll Find another? Blu. Cant my word be taken ? Must I be Suspected of untruths ? Well examine me ? Then I am false to truth ; if thou findeth another. Sher. Will your swear it? A Bible, friends. Blu. I will not swear it, but will convince you, By submitting to an examination. Examine me, Sheriif. Sher. Well then, turn roiind. June. [Pointinff.) That's the pocket. Sher. [Examining.) I've got it, come out, thou lone one, thou Stolen book. Here it is. Aha ! now thou art A liar ; — do you claim this book ? Is this Yoiu- book ? 12 THE POLITICIANS. Blu. 'Tis not my book. Sher. How came you by it? Bill. Let the winds be your oracle, the bending Trees, the solid ground, rivers, birds, mountains, Or any thing you please, — they know as much About the book as I do, and will give As true an answer. Slier. 'Tis the nature of a thief, to disown, And i"it acknowledge, his doings. Blu. Am I then a thief? If I pxirloin'd the Book, I must have been dreaming, sleeping, or Laboring under some great mental Aberration. Do not say that I'm a thief; — An intentional thief; — my flesh crawls at The idea. You fire up my soul, with a hellish rage, And set my blood to boiling. This matter must be settled, sir. Sher. Have patience, it AviU be settled ; but first You must away with me to prison, to Await your trial. Blu. Imprison me upon grounds so slender As this, without knowing whose book this is ? — You iiave no right to use me thus ; Y'ou have no light to trifle with my honor ; You have no law to uphold you in it, without Some evidence of my guilt, and some Peisou to claim the book. Sher. We have an owner for the book ; — 'tis Buttercock's ; And suflicient evidence of youi- guilt. I'm afraid yoiir blood will be spilt ; I dont Want to see it. Neither do I want you Imprison'd, which is optional with Buttercock ; — He is a man of feeling, you and he, I hope, will settle this affair, between ye. Blu. 'Tis Buttercock's, you say ! Why, this very day He unburden'd himself to me, as one Of my best friends ; spoke tenderly of my Party, and of the interest he felt In the election. He gave, or rather Pledged, his vote to me, with his friendship annexed. But. [Coming up.) Y"ou abus'd that friendship, — Stole my pocket-book. Blu. You'll not prosecute me, for this suppos'd theft. But. You must undergo the rigor of the law. Blu. To compromise this matter, I'll give you Six such pocket-books, and many presents to boot. But, Nay, I have a competency; if I Had not, wealth by means of dishonesty Would trouble me more than honest poverty. THE POLITICIANS. 13 I will not be brib'd, no, yon nuist undergo The rigor of the law ; else it wnuld be Establishing hasty precedents ; which Would be taken advantage of, by Other rogues in futiu-e. Bill. Buttercock, my house, my lands, my slaves, My carriages, horses, cattle, swine. Magnolia groves, ambrosial flowers, My wide fields, green lawns, orchards, cedar hedges, Shall be thine. My park, fish ponds, lakes, and Leaping streams, my hunting groujid, and cool Springs, with bubbling spouts, heaving up snowy Sands, shall be thine, — to let this matter di-op. But. Could you present the ocean's buried wealth, Filter the amber bowels of earth, for Diamonds, and precious ore ; could you present a Solomon's Temple ; the gift of Croises ; Or an emerald left, when heaven was Finish' d, I should let the law have its course. Nor from my duty swerve. Sher. Seize him. \_Exeunt, dragging Blumor to jail.'] ACT II. Scene I. — A quarrel and fight. — Enter Hauthorn aw^/ Goodwill. Good. Good day, Mr. Hauthorn, how do you do ? How stands your health, and other prospects ? Hau. My health stands with me, my prospects stand Not at all. Good. Then your health and prospects have pai-ted, A goodly thing, for yoii 'tis so ; as Good and evil, is a dish to all ; And have been, ever since man's fall ; who Takes the good, must take the evil. The good without the evil, 'tis a rare exception. Hau. Make not the pine, an oak ; nor an oak, The pine ; neither truth, the falsehood ; nor Falsehood, the truth ; let things be as they Are, then things they'll be. Unter Buxton. Bux. Bad news, gentlemen, oiu' candidate For Congi-ess, the Honorable Henry W. Blumor, is in prison ! JIau. Impossible, Buxton, you are mistaken ; It can't be so. Bux. Indeed its so, I saw him enter Myself, and the doors clos'd. 9* 14 THE POLITICIANS. Hmt. Bad news, bad news ! — How did lie look ? Bux. He look'd as sad as the moon, and pale As a ghost. Good. I'll ha-ye lihn out of that miserable vault. Bux. Ah ! but he's guarded, you can't get at him. [Ezit.'\ Good. I'll have him out, I tell you, I'll have Him out : if there is any virtue In man, I have a will, one that will Move a body ; and a body, that WiU move a dungeon, I'll have him out. Hau. Let things take their course, be not hasty ; Will you -thump the green watermelon. And say its ripe! If Blumor"s guilty. The prison is not to good for Blumor ; If innocent, trvith will purify His innocence ; a bee hive, taken Too eai'ly, will give only comb, without The honey ; which wiU not sweeten the Palate ; green gathered corn will sour, and Not support the body ; the fast horse will Break his wind, and is wind broken in Expectancy ; the swift hound, will kill Himself, to prevent which, his owner Keeps him chain' d. Good. If your field was on fire, would you not Hasten to put it out? If your Ox Was in the mire, would you not hasten To pull him out ? Damn'd be the man, Who would hesitate, when his house is Withering to ashes, or when his Daughter is being ravished. You Don't love Blumor, you are an enemy To Blumor. The fierce tiger lies in Ambush for its prey ; the falcon Flutters in the air before he swoops Upon the sparrow ; bid me not Hesitate to check the flying horse, with A royal family at his heels : To pull the ox out of the ditch ; to Smothei' flames. Haste, regulates haste, and Places in order, that which is disorder'd. Ilau. Haste, regulates haste, 'bout as much as A hasty fire, regulates a dinner Pot which boils over, — suppresses haste, Puts out the fire. Good. If you did but have any reason ; If you could but listen to reason ; And would measure reason, with reason ; Tlieu I would not have any reason TilE POLITICIANS^.- 15 To say, that you were -without reason. Hail. If you did know, what was reason ; If you did know how to obtain reason, And how difficult 'tis to reason. You woukl willingly yield to reason. And not be a mad passionate fool. Good. I may be a fool, aiwl a passionate One to boot ; bat no man calls me thus to My teeth with impunity, be he as Meek as Moses, or mighty as an Elephant; — so take this and this. {They Fight.) [Re-enter Buxton, and parts them.) Biix. Gentlemen, has it come to this, do I See the friends of Blumor fight? Can he Prosper, when friends wrangle themselves into Difficulties ? Wrauglings engender hatred, And fighting alinates friends; I fear one Or the other, will be estranged from Blumor. In sooth, your actions, your pugilistic Display, can do his caiise no good, should it Be nois'd to the winds, or whisper' d to the Ears of the idle ; the masses would soon Be acquainted with your folly, and every One would form his opinion, and abide It, as to the wherefore the cause of the Fight. Some would rest in the fiim belief, that Its a political difference ; that You are for Brown, and you for Blumor ; Thus cause a divided influence. Be friends, — Let your enmities fall, — look upon this Yom' hostile engagement as a joke, a Whim, a momentary anger, a cajirice Temporary. JIau. Buxton, you are right, ivith you I do agree. That this difficulty, was out of place, And will produce political evils. Unless we mutually forgive each other. This rashness, bodily injuries inflicted, And keep our frailties, to oui'selves : For my part, though injur'd, and on the Defensive, for the sake of party triumph, I'll make a clean breast of it, and forgive Goodwill's attack and insolence. 'Twas as I thought for his own safety and benefit To our cause, that I remonstrated with him, The impropriety, of overhasty Attempts, by means of violence, to come at Blimior's liberation ; I did persuade lb THE POLITICIANS. Him, to forsake his abrupt intents, whicli Would be to himself only peiilous. And reason'd with him, the levity of A moments gratification, -would be Incomparable to a life of misery. He would not listen, neither be Convinced of any thing 'twas said, — 'twas then I spoke in warmth, to an irritable Man, the conse(iuence was blows, a bruis'd cheek, And swollen eye. Good. I acknowledge that I was in the wrong, And for thy forgiveness, do feel humbly Blest. With this renewal of friendship, that's Doubly dear, henceforth I'll act, as it Becometh a man of reason ; or else I am a lifeless dog, a iT)tten hog, Or any other insensible tiling ; Subject to the buzzards, or an odioiis Carrion lump ; an offensive speck, to those who Respect our moderate laws of justice. If I do \dolence, the penalty is some Punishment, a debt to country ; if I Do murder, the penalty is death, a Debt to nature, a debt to comitry, and A retribution to aggriev'd innocence; Being dead thus, after such cause and efi'ect, I'm nothing, know nothing, upon a level With the dead hog, dog, or any other Dead brute ; in my calm moments, I yield To reason, do not obstruct its force ; 'tis then I see my errors, and human deformities ; And feel asham'd of acts, done through Intense passion ; if oppos'd in my belief, And excited to warmth, or a baser Feeling, anger, I'm heedless, rash, Ungovernable, a fiend, a demon, an Unmentionable monster, to defy Opposition, to injure my best friend ; If perchance, he becomes a voluntary Meddler, and there is any interference On his part, to govern my temper. Sway my fury, and make my heated Notions abortive ; to my friend thus Injured, for his gratuitous favors When sober'd, I recoil at the injury, And in compensation, would cut my throat, Ask pardon, acknowledge faults, and do Any penance, to make reparation. Hau. After such friendly acknowledgements, and THE POLITICIANS. 17 Plain explanation, hereafter, I will know How to suit thee: — 'tis said we all have errors; That I have, 'tis true, and this maxim Indeed applies to you, if all's Lacluded In it. Not being perfect, I can Overlook errors, withdraw fuel from the flames, And carry myself, in conformity To your notions and habits. No other Disniption will arise to prick our friendship ; At least I hope so, and bcUeving so. Will end this matter, in rendering thanks To Buxton ; — we should thank him for our Timely separation. Good. Thanks to the peace-maker. Bux. Thanks to you, for such appreciable thanks, Which otherwise would be as refused blanks, As trash, deceit, as ought, or foulest play, That ever wrapt friend or foe in dismay ! I'm no flatterer, and will not be flattered : May sense and reason, first be scattered, As wheat, as rye, upon a barren soil. Where man and beast, disdains to work and toil ; Honest thanks, or from the lips in jestui'e. As a conceal'd splinter in a festei". Which being prick' d, comes forth and gives ease ; — ■ Such thanks, I think, will never fail to please. Hau. You too, I find, as well as others, are vain ; I did not expect it. — Away with Vanity ; 'tis disgusting ; 'tis a thing We all have without knowing it : — a Mirror to reflect the man, and show the mote In our brother's eye. There should have been no Admittance on your part, not the least; Being pleas' d at our reconciliation And thanks ; you being the instrument. Had you been a spectator, or a simple Looker on, then 'twould be your duty To be noisy with manifestations ; To shower down your expressions of regard At our welfare and safety. Away With vanity, — 'tis a fault, that makes Perfection an impossibility In the human race ; a spot blemishing The character of man, among men. The Man of merit, when told of his capacities. Says nothing ; — suppose he should, and Acknowledge his greatness, he would only Be signing his death warrant, and dealing Out epecach to his admirers ; — who 18 THE POLITICIAIS'S. Would speetlily vomit at his self greatness. You deserved om* thanks ; — being thank'd, you should Have said nothing ; held your tongue ; then instead of Self-praise, you should liave had our admii-ation. Bux. For a thing that's natural, I'm not to lalame; If vain, you have admitted alFs the same ; Yourself excepted, and the only one ; While others are nothing, none — that's something, some. A model, exempt from censure, or a man Who is faultless, regarded as a plan, For others to pattern after, live by. To follow in your exact footsteps ; or try, As an inebriate crossing a causeway. Or as a helpless child, who wants to play. I must pity the poor headlong, senseless fool,. Who will suifer you to make him a tool ; To tye him to your notions Avith a string, And to lead him about as an abject thing. I like to see a man mth a mind his ovnx, Let his sins, his faults, be secret or known ; You are mad, sir, mad with my friend Goodwill, Is why vanity is such a bitter pill ; AVe cant resist it, if all have that evil. From the sad saint, to the grinning devil. 'Tis said cats rubbed, will exhibit their nails; Also that dogs patted, will wag their tails ; — But enough, I have something to do elsewhere, That will pay better, than quarreling here ; I have something to do for my friend Blumor, Who is in jail, — so sj)eaks Madam Rumor. 1 cant be idle when Ids honor's at stake,. To liberate him, some efforts I'll make. Ilau. Does his wife know of his incarceration,. His life burial, and premature disgrace ? Bux. No sir, she has not received the news yet, 'Tis better its so, for she would weep and fret. llau. Come away — come on — we must inform her Instantly ; I pity the good woman ; — * A finer lady I never saw ; Her husband's fate, will press heavily upon her. \_Exeunt Bux. and Ilau.'] Good. I am alone, having gull'd two clever Fellows, as it regards my intentions ; I am resolv'd to gull the prison Of its noblest iimiate, the most worthy man, "Who ever represented a free people In Congressional Halls, the champion of Liberty ! Yes, Blumer I'll deliver. Or die in the attempt ; — he is no sea THE POLITICIANS, 19 Weed, to float the -wave ; no lilade of grass, No bundle of fodder, to be cram'd away In a dark corner, beyond the hght of day. We need him in these dangerous times. When the world is naught but a composition Of mobs, and black-hearted desperadoes. Caring neither for established rights, Or prohibited wrongs. We need him as As alight, set upon a bushel, to dispel The clouds of political commotion. And vindicate his party's i-ights, which are Assail'd by demagogues and squirts, expectant For office. We need him I say, and here's A head, that never dodged a bullet ; Here's a body, that fronted danger iu All its attitudes ; here's an arm, that fought ia The war of Mexico, and here's my well Temper'd blade, that did mischief in the Roaring battles, and with it I can sever The dungeon grates as gossamer webs, as Cornstalks, and conduct Blumor, the Demigod Politician, triumphant from such a Place, fi'om such a hole, from such a hell. [_Uzit.'] Scene II. — A Room in Blumor's House. Servt. Some ones knocks. Mrs. B. Open the door. \_Servant opens and goes oiit.'^ Enter Buxton and Hautiiokn. 3Irs. B. Walk in gentlemen, you are my husband's Friends, your welcome to his house, welcome to His hospitalities ; be seated, make yourselves At home. Any news, any tidings From my husband ? He's making many friends, I hope. Hau. He's well, but — Mrs. B. Leave out the but, if he's well, that's joy Enough to hear. Hau. But he has been in prison i Mrs. B'. Well, what of that ? 'Tis no disgrace to visit Such a place, to pity the poor criminals^" Those wretched inmates there, those forlorn People, need pity however mean they are ; They will bless the hand that lendeth sympathy In their helplessness ; my husband's Familiarity with the unfortunate, Does not frighten me ; he's pure, and blameless, Nor wiU the prison's contagion, hang to His garments. 20 THE POLITICIANS. Hau. But he is in prison now. Mrs. B, Well, that only proves him a charitable Man ; his being there, this act, and similar Acts of chai-ity, -will console him, -when He is old, and life decayed. Hau. But he is in prison for disobedience To our laws. Mrs. B. I believe it not, none is more Obedient, noble, good, than Henry Blumor. When a boy, at sufferings, he Would sadden ; if his parents were sick, he Would refuse his food, and weep ; if his Neighbors swore, he would weep at their Profanities ; he was a peace-maker to his Little playmates at school, and always Obedient to his teacher ; now has he Fallen from obedience, to disobedience ? From honor, to dishonor? — no, I believe It not ! — you are trifling with me, in Relating this unfounded news. 'Tis a Flying report, that you have magnified. Added to, knowing that I love my husband Tenderly, to vex me in his absence ! What, in prison for disobedience to our laws 1 — 1 believe it not. Hau. But he is in prison for theft. Mrs. B. You are liars, — 'tis false, — 'tis false. (Faints.) [llAVTHOnji, f7-if/hte7ied, rinffs for servant.^ Enter Servant. Ser. What's wanting ? Hau. Essences, — essences, — cinnamon, — peppermint, — Paregoric, — laudanum, quick ; quick ; I'll Break your skull. Ser. Yes sir; Oh ! my lady's ill. (Exit.) Hau. I believe she is dead, her pulses Refuse to beat ; the blood has deserted Her face ; 'tis as pale as paper ; her tongue, , That sang so sweetly, that talk'd so Beautifully, will soon be cold. It grates The soul, pares it away with sorrow, to Think the tongue, that containeth warmth, Longer than any other part of the human System ; the rattling, prattling part. That exciteth mobs, and moveth multitudes, Should be cold and stiff between the jaws ; The eyes glassy, the limbs motionless ; to die — Oh ! ye gods, what an irreparable calamity ! THE POLITICIANS. 21 Re-enter Servant, icith a phial. — Hauthorn holds it to 3Irs. £.'s nose. Buz. I was for not informing her, you would, — Now you see, you have done her more harm than good ; But it is the way of men over-smart, To follow the dictates of their own heart; You have been the cause of this lady's death, — Your tidings, caus'd her to lose her breath. And Hauthorn, if she never gets it back, I will desist following in your track. Mrs. B. [Recovering.) Gentlemen, help me to arise, Don't look at me with such sui-prise, You have no joy sirs, in your eyes ; I need your assistance, therefore assist me. Hauthorn, give me a little wine, Or something in the strengthening line ! Oh ! you have almost murdered me, with this sad, sad news. Do I not look pale and wild, I'm weak as a helpless child ; Though weak, and feeble I be. This night, my husband I'll see : To know of him, wherefore the wretched cause Of his disobedience to om- laws. \_Exeunt, taking Mrs. B. to her apartment.^ Scene III. — Outside the prison. — Enter Goodwill, with sword in hand, walking towards the prison. Good. Within yon craggy walls, beneath their moss Eaten roof, lieth Blumor, struggling with Fusty vapors, smoking up from cells. Saturated with filth, the oifscouring Of felons and cut-throats ; he lieth there, An unhappy victim to confederate Devils ; whose hearts are petrified, whose Bowels of compassion are molten sulphur; Were they beneath my feet, I'd twist my Cimeter as an auger, in their eyeballs ; Lift them on its point, as gewgaws ; be Drunken with bliss, at their agonies, and Throes of suiFerings : the impossibility Of such a sweet vengence, maketh me sad ; I never felt worse in my life. I could Not feel woi'se, were I standing among the dead, Or walking slowly down to my own grave ; Thou hated vault ; here is the magic blade. That will tumble thee with a crash. Leave guards — Give me fair play, to throw that prison away. Ist. Guard. We are not agents of our will ; we are 3* 22 THE POLITICIANS. Upon duty, tlie servants of the law, And cannot yield to our inclinations. We like you as a citizen, and man Of valor ; but will neither flee your approach, Or be frightened at your violence ; take care. — Good. I care for nothing on the earth, or in the skies. [Advanci7ig.) 2nd Guard. Stand back, stand hack ; — if you advance nearer, If you do but cross the limits allow'd Us, you die ; forbearance is preferable To death, — stand back. Good. Bid the elephant swallow his proboscis, Or the arabian horse to lose his tail. (^Advancing.') 1st. Guard. Cut him down — bleed him — cripple him. Good. Bleed the moon, and cripple the stars. {They Fight.) Enter Citizens. 1st Cit. He's a noble fellow, look how he fights. 2nd Cit. He has cut down two of the guards. 1st Cit. They outnumber him now. 2nd Cit. Yes, he falls. 1st Cit. I'll take him away. [They go to remove him.) Good. Stop friends, let me here rest, My blood is ebbing fast ; My life is passing away. To a bright eternal day ; I must quit this barbai-ous gloom, By d;y'ing as I do, so soon ; Tell Blumor, Goodwill's head, in death was bow'd, And by death only, was Goodwill cow'd. [Staggering to his feet.) 1st. Cit. Great God, what eyes. Good. Give me the strength of many Sampsons, Lead me to the pillars that prop the globe ; I'll upset the earth, and ask God To let me die with these philistines. [Falls dead.) [The body is borne out.) Scene IV. — Inside the prison. — Enter M.ViS. Blumok. Mrs. B. My husband! [Weeps.) Bill. My wife ! [Affected.) Mrs. B. They told me you were here ; their sayings were true. {After a pause.) An eagle once, had compassion upon A serpent, because it had neither wings Or feet, and took it in her talons, to Show it sights it had not seen. — Towards the sun she flew. Through the either blue ; His snakeship enjoy'd the trip, was pleas'd, THE POLITICIANS. 2S Dazzled, intoxicated. The upper worlds, with pleasure he saw. Till his appetite began to knaw; Now then quoth he, Enough I see ; — ^ I've seen the glories that are thine. Thou shalt see the glories that are mine ; — And winding himself around the eagle, She was borne struggling, fluttering back to earth, Fetter'd in his coils. You've been compassionate To the people - relieved their wants, scattered Your wealth among them, like barley corn ; Sacrific'd your intellect, in pointing Them to glory, and honor — Lilted tlicra Above their narrow wants. — Lead them on by Your brilliant attainments, 'till vanity Made them alike brilliant, and so eager For offices and spoils, that you are displac'd. To give them a place, ensnar'd on the pathway To fame, in the mid heavens, in the political Sky ; by their rivalries j'ou are dragg'd down. 'Twas with their machineries of malice, and Bloated enmities, and not as 'tis said For disobedience to our laws, that you Are immur'd here. As the serpent to the eagle, So is Blumor to the people. In my eye, you are not disgrac'd, for I Know my husband will outlive this shame, and Triumph o'er his enemies. lilu. Thou load-stone of grief; removal my angel Wife. I thank my stai-s for such a wife, nor Would I exchange thee for cities full of gold. 'Tis thy pleasant way, to excuse faults, Lighten accidents, and make my burdens Easy borne. A perspicious metaphor Hast thou ch'awn, wherein I'm excusable, And the people blamable. Thou art right ; They did imprison me, but I forgive them, As I expect to be forgiven. Mrs. B. Forgive them \ Anathemas be upon the people, when Ready to pluck the fruits of expectation : May their eyes open upon ruin ; their hands Fall upon blasted hopes, handle the Scorpion's sting; may their stomach sour To refuse their savory dishes ; may they Perish, for want of appetite to eat. No calamity would scourge them enough. Fox- what tiaey have done to you, my husband. 24 THE POLITICIANS. Oh ! think of it, confined in this dark hole For naught ; excluded from the panorama Of heaven ; the climbing hills, and bowery Dales, not a solitary star, or moon's ray, To greet the eager gaze ; naught but these Stam'd walls, and frightful relics of prior Tenants. my husband ! Blu. Censtire not the people, they are mistaken ; Not to blame, in thinking I'm a guilty wretch ; Their thoughts are right, their actions right, and by law Exempt from censure. A virtuous people, holds In contempt, the man who disrespects his Countries laws, and does acts of violence. Therefore I'm held in contempt, for 'tis said I'm an aggressor, a notable thief, that Steals by sleight of hand. My conscience is clear, I'm satisfied of my own innocence, And have patience to bear all sufiFerings, 'Till my suppos'd guilt is remov'd, and I'm Again the imsulli'd leader of a great Political party. Then my wife, we'll Embrace the shiftless joys of earth, the Lovely trance of better days, enjoy God's beautiful Creation, the spangl'd sky, glassy lakes, Mossy groves, icteritious flowers, and Mountain deck'd huey minarets. 3[rs. B. ! Henry, let me bend over thee, and Touch thy eloquent lips with a kiss ; Lighten thy cares and make thee as happy As thou wast at oui- honey moons earliest Period. Let me pet thee, as thy mother Didst in infancy ; — brush back thy locks And behold myself in the mirrors of thy soul. Thou art so good, to forgive an enemy, That in thy forgiveness, I do lose the Bitterness of my soul, my rancor, and Enmity ; to coincide with thee, my Husband, in thy God-like sentiments, I will share thy fate ; thy bed, shall be my Bed ; but this straw pallet, this filthy room. How repugnant. Blu. My only star of hope, my gentle wife. Were I the wi-etch the people make me ; were I dishonor'd in my own opinion, Thou shouldst share my fate, to be wretched in This prison, to sleep upon this oaken Floor, with bugs, and many creeping things, I'd drag thee to my level ; without remorse For thy sufferings, and gloat upon thy THE POLITICIANS. ^5 Fading beauty. As thou knowcst, I am No wrctcji, being a man of honor as I am, a woman of obedience as Thou art, thou shalt respect mine honor, be Obedient still, and seek an abiding Place here, to cheer me in confinement; Though all places be halloTT'd where thou art. This foul air thou must not breathe of thy own Accord. Mrs. B. I will be obedient to my husband. Blu. Then go home ; you have a home of luxm-y, With airy rooms aU mirror' d. You have the Softest beds, with oil-silken sheets, and damask Coverlids, snowy satin pillows, Crenulated with rolls of eider-do^vn. When thou prayest, art in a devotional Act, there are costly sofas for thee to Kneel upon ; when thou awaketh from thy Slujnbers, soft velvet footstools gallop to Thy feet. You have handy servants to do Your bidding, and can have ev'ry temporal Wish gratified. 'Tis a desirable home, Therefore go to it — remain there — if thou Wouldst be a comfort to thy husljand. Mrs. B. I will go, adieu, adieu, my husband! [Going.) Jailor. Through this door, mam ; — this is the door. [They come to a grave.) Mrs. B. Why, here's a grave ! Jailor. Yes mam. Mrs. B. Whose grave is it ? Jailor. Goodwill's. Mrs. B. Goodwill's ! My husband's friend, who lost his life In attempting his rescue. I will show him Some tribute of respect. I will kneel To his grave. [Kneeling and after a pause.) Most noble Goodwill ! Thou lieth beneath this arid hill. Thy Magic cimeter will do thee good no more ! Brown's confederates may turn it into Plough-shares, and pruning-hooks. Thou art lost ; — Lost to thy friends, lost to thy party, and I mourn thy loss as Rachel weeping for Her children. But I do not wish thee back Like a Lazarus, for thou wast unhappy Here, art happy there ; wast a citizen Here, art a subject there ; — thy pure spirit Will inhale eternal glory ; gather Flowers from amaranthine bowei's ; Scrutinize the whole concordant throng of God, Which move in cadence to his omnipotent nod, 4 26 THE POLITICIAJf^. Clad in eternity's vesture, the purple Linen of paradise ^ than wilt be a Star of Bethlehem, and heaven thy Resting place, forever, forever. ACT III. KcEBE I. — Enter Petocine, Caeral and McPherrie. Pet. Believe it not, Carral, that I can weai? a Pleasant look, and be cheerful, when baffled Thus. I've seen enough of tliis contest, to Kaow we are defeated men. Tell me not ibbout your hopes, tliey are shadowy, Unfraught with interest, and valued as A bubble ; I'm a disappointed partisan, Gloomy on its account, therefore unfit To be consulted, or to consult. The head is heavy when the heart is heavy ; I'm heavy every where, and a slave To depression. Car. Let not discouragements wrong you, because Your influence availeth aught ; because Yoiu' labor is unrewarded, and Brown's Defeat seems possible; be active, till It is available ; labor^ 'till rewarded ; Lift your head above the cun-ent of Blighted prospects ; gaze at the world wiffi Eagle eyes ; be zealous, the energetic Maketh some impressions, which are Imperceptible in making ; flag not now. At tlie eve of the election, when needed most,. When we should appear the most courageous; If we weep,, the enemy rejoiceth ; If halt, the enemy progresseth ; Why allow it, this vantage ground, by clinging To dejection, because we are in the Minority ; why slaves to melancholy ; Despondency brings neither wealth nor honor ; Wliy therefore despond ; 'tis a-s a wilted Cabbage, a sim-burnt vegetable. Because you, and you, are sad, shall I catch. The contagion, to droop and soitow, like . An old maid, or husliandless lady ? No, I will not be frightened, at every thing Which secmeth unfavorable to our cause; — Political afl'airs may yet change. And Brown obtain a victory. THE POLITICIANS. 27 McP. Lets hear no more — hush it up, Carral ; Your words are without balm, to disappointments^ And but aggi-avations, to sorrow ; — neither Of us can arrest impossibilities, Or ameliorate our destinies. When dejection cometh, it must be borne; If there was any preventive, it would Never come, being by no means a welcome Visitor. Car. Well, the world is faulty, I admit, or The people who make it ; — you, and you, are So, and so is Brown, whose time is spent too Much among the ladies. They are his min, And make him more a gallant than a Politician. Enter Errand Bot. E. Boy. Gentlemen, Mr. Brown sends his respects, is in excellent spirits, has glad tidings to impart, and desires your company immediately. Car. Come along, lets see what it is. [Exeunt. 1 Scene II. — A Roo7n in Brown's Mouse. (Brown walking and talking.) Brown. I'm trembling, every muscle dancing, a Consequence of this unexpected luck And sudden joy. Cannot I now boast I'm Fortune's favor'd chUd, when my opponents threaten'd With the lash, disgrac'd, sham'd, beyond the hopes Of shame's erasure. My friends must know i^ I'm eager to let them know it ; I've sent For Petocine, Carral and McPhei-rie. My errand boy^s just gone ; only a few Moments ; yet those moments seem an hour. This impatience, this anxiety, to impart This joy — But here they come ! My friends are coming ! Enter Petocine, Carral and McPherrie. Pet. We came in hasje, be hasty, to let us know Your important news, from whence, and wherefore. Brown. A few nights ago, my head was bow'd; To-night, its an inch taller. A few nights Ago, Blumor was the hue and cry ; To-night, with the populace, it's damn Blumor, And hurrah for Brown ! This is glorious News, for a once hopeless candidate. Pet. Glorious. But how do you accoimt for this Mutability among the people ? Broivn. Blumor has committed rolxbery, or Theft, for which he is imprisoned. 28 THE POLITICIANS. Pet. Imprisoned ! — Indeed thou tcllest vis good news. Why Brown, your election's safe. — This thrilling News, it has erected all my faculties ; I can toss my hat like a rampant boy, And leap Uke a wild deer at it. Brown. More news I have, that bulldog Goodwill, Attempting to rescue Blumor, was kill'd. Pet. Good, good, better still, excellent. — Have you Any whiskey here ? These lips must sip it ; This mouth must drink it. OJi ! for a cb-am to Soothe this boisterous gratification. This intelligence, my dear sir, will add Months and years to my existence. I must Stantl upon my head, as a manifestation Of my satisfaction and entire content. McP. I'll follow suite. [Stand upon their heads.) Brown. They have gone beside themselves, their heads are Where their feet should be. They must be either Giving their heels a chance to rejoice, or Else they have downward tendencies. — Push Them over, Carral, as a preventive to An eruption. [Pushes them over.) Car. Get up, gentlemen, and don't give the lie To the Philosopher, who says there is Reason in all things. There is no reason In exchanging the larger for the Smaller vessel, the head for the feet. And crossing the limits of politeness. McP. If I'm elated in an irregular And tumultuous manner, customs and Decorums shall not restrain that elation. I care neither for limits nor bounds, and Will be flexible to my own appetites. When joy cometh, I'll take it, the whole hog Or none ; and who has the right sir, to advise Me in its participations, littles By littles ; its reception thus, would not Be apparent, nor lift me above my Daily monotony. I've been laboring So long, under the calculation of Party defeat, that you should not take Exceptions to my method of rejoicing, When defeat is no longer possible, But remov'd, as by magic. Can't you rejoice ? Are you not glad of Blumor's downfall ? Car. I'm both glad, and sorry ; glad because Brown will get elected, sorry because Blumor Is disgrac'd ; yet it makes him popular To my notion ; for being thiis, he's without THE POLITICIANS. 29 Injury to our party, and those Tvho Can do us but a little injury, Are more popular, more desen-ino;, than Those who can do us a greater injury. He's dead now politically ; and when Our enemies are dead, 'tis then only We acknowledge their virtue. We can afford To praise Blumor more since his disgi-ace. Than before it. 'Twill do us good, to gather Up all his laudable deeds, and mumble Out a few oral regrets, that a man So remarkable for such, so talented. So useful to his country, should disgrace Himself, at the acme of his glory. If in sympathizing with enemies. We gain friends, I must praise the fallen Candidate ; who has never spoke without a laurel, Never convers'd without making an impression, Never resolv'd, but what it was done. Yea, I will go further, and say the whole State should be insulted on his account, At Ills imprisonment. Broiini. I scarce can understand him ; sorry for Disgrace, yet disgrace is popular ! But Let it pass ; for disgi'ace and popularity Travel separate roads. And you'd make friends With sympathy ; a strange notion indeed It is. What, say the whole state's insulted On his account? Is that the way you'd make A friend ? I think, sir, you'd make an enemy. I dislike your sympathy, lop it off; Our party is broad enough for all Our sympathies ; we have none to give rogues ; They'll not get mine — fii-st let them rot and fester. I'm for Brown, my sympathies are with Brown ; Not that he is a man of color, but For self interest ; because Brown is for Brown. I'm in for ray election, nor do I wish To be thwarted with your sympathies ; Throw them away, as my expectations are up ; Let youi- aims be to secure my election. Car. Its security depends upon management, Not altogether mine, but mostly yours ; I will manage some, you must manage more ; Love the people, the men more, the women less ; The men can vote, the women cannot ; Your time has been employ'd too much in Courting Miss Essence. Many votes you lost By it, prior to Blumor's disgrace. You must 30 THE POLITICIANS. Court the men till the election, and j\Iiss Essence after ; — if you -would make its surety- More sure. 'Twas late when we came, its getting Later. — Come friend, we'll now adjourn, and do Oui' talking at another time. \^Ezeiint P. C. and 3IcP.^ Enter Post Boy, with papers. P. B. Mr. Brown, I've brought your papers. Brown. Very well sir, hand them here; 'tis said you Ai-e going to vote for Blumor. P. B. I am at it — having always voted so, I expect to vote so again. Broicn. You are then, a party man, right or wrong, And doubly wrong to support Blumor, A thief, a rogue, who'U soon be brought to shame, With a public trial. P. B. What's he going to be tried for? Brown. Larceny. P. B. What's larceny ? You are a lawyer, explain it. Brown. Larceny is the feloniously taking Away the goods and chattels of another. P. B. Your pronunciation is bad, which did he Take, the goods or the cattle ? Broicn. Chattels are of two kinds, personal and real ; He took the personal chattels. P. B. You must have lost a tooth, or of a sudden Become Dutcliy. Cattle of two kinds, the Personal and real ! Well, the real Must be those that are fat, and the personal Those that are lean. Brown. " Chattels real, are such as concern or .Savor of the realty, as terms for years of land." P. B. Worse still, this time its chatteral. I'll never Vote for a man that can't say cattle. You have lost the use of your head, as well as Your tongue. Your reason hath taken its flight. And left in its stead foolishness. I can Listen at it; but I'm a fool, if I SufiFer myself to be treated as a fool ; My ox is fat, thei'efore he's cattle real; But to say he's-a term for years of land. Is a bald-headed lie. Brown. Mind how you talk, else your freedom of speech Will lead to chastisement. P. B. What sort of a place is that ? Brown. A place where fools are well treated. See you This cane ? A few energetic raps with This, upon thy silly head, is the place. P. B. I'll leave — its time to leave, when big men like THE POLITICIANS. 31 You, wax wratliy, and talk of rewarding Ignorance with punishment. Bhimor's worth A half a dozen such as you ; I've never Known him to insult a man, however Feeble in opinion, or mean in appearance. Blumor is my candidate. Brown. Blumor is an ass, sir. P. E. He's no common ass, sir, and the man who Calls him thus, is doubly an ass. Brown. Thou dog ; thou bundle of insults. Have you Ever seen a muddy river, its banks Overflowed with rushing waters ? P. B. I have, sir. Brown. What made it muddy ? P. B. The mud, sir, Broivn. Well, simpleton, as mud stains the waters, So passions stain the soul. You are to me, As mud to water ; have stirr'd me up ; I'm mad, inundated with anger ; Yet the man of honor, should not notice the Low-born cur ; — else I'd flog you co-instanti. Twould be a dishonorable act, making You my equal ; nevertheless, I scarce Can refraiu from doing so. Therefore — leave — ^leave. \_Bzeunt Brown, kicking at Post Boy."} Scene III. — A Trial in the Court House, after the sitting of the Judge, and empanneling the Jury. Solicitor. May it please your Honor, the first case Upon the docket, is one of larceny. Buttercock vs. Blumor. Judge. Is the defendant ready for trial ? Blu. I'm ready, may it please yovu' Honor. Judge. The Solicitor will proceed with the case. Sol. Mr. Sheriff, call Joler, June, Can-acat, Shanks and FeiTOst, into Coui-t. {They enter.) Sol. Come forward, Mr. Joler, I'll examine You first. Go on, tell his Honor and Gentlemen of the Jury, all about Buttei'cock's pocket-book. Jol. Bliunor stole the book, sii\ Sol. Did you see him steal it ? Jol. I did, sir. Sol. Well, tell all about it ; how it was taken ; When and where. Jol. 'Twas taken in the street, where we, the witnesses, Were group'd together, talking with Mr. Blumor, About his fair prospects of election, 32 THE POLITICIANS. And other trifling matters, for the Amusement of the crowd. We cheer'd him up, Made him bouyant with hope, in proft'cring Our support, and iu pledging him our votes. A man seem'd never to rejoice more, At this addition to liis party ; And in the heiglit of his gayety, He said he felt himself highly flatter'd With our intentions, and commenced shaking Cordially oui- hands, as if we were old friends. While doing so, and going thi'ough this Ceremony with his right hand, his left Did wander, fovmd its way in Buttercock's Pocket, and lifted therefrom all his wealth, His plenarious pocket-book. Sol. What then did he do ynth it ? Jol. Cramm'd it slyly in his own pocket. Sol. Has he ever been suspicion'd of such things before ? Jol. His neighbors do give him a bad name, and Deem him a man of e^^l deeds ; for several Years ago, some of them were plundered On the way home from marketable towns, Robb'd of money justly gotten in the Vendition of the annual products Of their land. About that time, Blumor prosper'd; His neighbor's losses seem'd to be his gain ; Circumstances were against him, and the People had their thoughts. Judge. That's not admissible evidence. Nor can it have any bearing for the plaintiff, Or against the defendant. The witness must confine himself to the Case in esse; his doubtful sui'mises, and Distant conjectm-es, have naught to do With the suit pending. Sol. Stand aside, Mr. Joler. Judge. (^To the Solicitor.) To save time, and expedite the Business of the Goui-t, let the other witnesses Be sworn, as to the verity of Joler's Testimony. Sol. Come forward, gentlemen. Do each of you Solemnly swear, what the witness says is The truth, the whole truth, and nothing else bvrt The tinith, so help you God? {Thcij kiss the book.) Sol. I'm through with the witnesses, your Honor. Judge. Has the defendant any questions to ask ? — Any witnesses to examine ? JJlii. None at all, may it please yotir Honor. Judge. The Solicitor then will adtkcss the Jury. THE POLITICIANS. 33 Sol. May it please your Honor, and gentlemen of The Jui-y : — This is one of the most Palpable cases that ever occurr'd in the state, Wherein the defendant is guilty ; Being so, the Court expects a verdict Guilty at your hands. I see no other Alternative, but ponder the case well. If you find a chance to acquit him, I'll be proud of his acquittal, for he's Faultless in all things, save this ; and I do Give him credit for his hitherto Exemplary life : this his misfortune I regret, it gives me pain, it must be Painful to all intelligent men : but Hbwever painful, my duty I must Perform it, and admonish you to abide The testimony that proves him guilty, Inasmuch as you are sworn to do it : 'Twill save your consciences, and justice hold In its regular coui\se. There is none, no man Bless'd with the spirit of Christianity, Who rejoiceth in the sufferings of His fellow-men. You are christian men, and Will give relief as far as you are able. If it was not for the law this day, you Would acquit Blumor, for I perceive the People like him, irrespective of his Unlicens'd conduct. Yes, gentlemen, you Would acquit him, and have happy consciences At having done a charitable act ; At having justified an aggressor, With a decision, without pxmishment. Without guilt ; though wrong, you are forgiven, — Go sin no more. You are merciful, and Mercy is the predominant trait of A tender-hearted man. As charity Begins at home, so should mercy : we should Be merciful first to ourselves, then to Our neighbors ; for if we do pity the Guilty, and give countenance to their actions, We cheat ourselves, weaken our securities, And render our laws less available ; Then the law should be of no effect. 'Tis better to suppress your sympathies, Give up natm-al, for legal determinations, As the duty we owe to our countiy, In conforming to its laws, is paramoimt To individual duty. I ask You gentlemen, should a multitude of 5 34 THE POLITICIANS. Men be injtir'd for the benefit of One man ? You must think not ; I thhik not, Though it has been the case. Excitement and The magnetism of oratory, have Lifted human reason above all bounds Of justice and equality ; Thwarted fix'd purposes; converted decisions To indecisions ; intoxicated sobriety ; Stagger'd the calculating ; Mov'd all things to its pliauces and touch; Disenthrall'd thraldom ; snatches the hopeless wretch From the bowels of ready death ; acquitted Felons, to the harm and deterioration Of communities. I know you have Sympathies for tlie defendant ; if appeal'd To, you should not forget yourselves, but be Men. Because Blumor is rich, and talented, 'Tis no inducement to show him either Favors or leniencies ; treat him as You would the poor and ignorant ; meet Unjust actions with the tributes of justice. Let all offences be treated rigorously And alike ; whether the offender Be rich or poor, noble or ignoble; — For the law's without partiality. And applicable to all alike. Furthermore, if Blumor's not punished, as- An example for the benefit of others, Some will follow his example, be lead Astray, drifted afloat, entangled in Difficulties, under the light of false Colors and impressions. If such privileges Are: allow'd a distinguished person with Impunity, they should be allow'd a person Without distinction. To safety, justice, One must be ti-eated like another ; All having access to the same lights and Privileges. Therefore you must bring the Defendant in guilty, who justly deserves Such a verdict, not only for disgrace To himself and kindred, but for disappointing His many friends, who gave him their support, Througli thick and thin, raised him to enviable Positions, made him a leader in this great State ; a bright star at our national helm, Proudly brilliant, till ruin'd by stealth, The robbery of honest Buttercock ; — Then his gloss and glory fled, and all Lis Greatness seem'd a fable. THE POLITICIANS. 35 Blu. May it please your Honor, and gentlemen Of the jury : — How i« it, am I a rogue ? 'Tis proven so, by men of honor. Yet I am no rogue ; as free from it as an Infant, or an idiot, whose without The knowledge of all rogueries; but I am Unable to impress you with this belief. Accus'd falsely as I am, to overwhelm Me in disgrace : I'm ruin'd, but to affect It, my enemies stand perjur'd, and Will some day get their deservings. Nothing I deny, as 'tis right, freely admit Things as they are. The pocket-pook was found About my person ; but when and how it Got there, I cannot tell. The witness's say They know ; have sworn I slyly stol'd it. 'Tis not so. — They are liars ! Being unable To make inroads upon mine honor By fair means, they did resort to foul; Entangled me in their machinations. What can I expect, a man ensnar'd, thus caught; Not your sympathy, for you've been Exhorted to refuse me that ; though innocent^ I have no hopes of an acquittal. Disgrace stares me in the face ; of my Situation I am aware, and would Exchange it with felons. If whipp'd, I live To know my shame; if hung, death's preferable. For with it, all tribulations are ended. And animosities hush'd. Were I guilty, I could expect nothing at your hands, For that's an h-removable stain. Human assuranc's and decrees can stay Punishments, stop executions, but Heaven's prerogative only can wash the Guilty mind, and extract unhallow'd tints From man's base fabric; false eloquence may Misguide, but not relieve the guilty. Were I cheer'd up, exhilerated with Stirring music, with a brass band, at ev'ry Pause in declamation, I could not Remove guilt ; the jarring voice, attun'd To a key of melody, utter'd in low Strains of fervor, cannot remove guilt. — Thank God I'm not guilty, and with tliis Assertion, can look Gods or devils in The face. My body may be slain, not my soul. The flesh may be flay'd, punish'd, while the Soul, the spirits untouch'd ; but the one has 30 THE POLITICIANS. Sympathy for tlie other. Cruelties And svifferings will beud the will, and make It subject to tyrants. Men will flinch at pain. And cry aloud, under rack and torture, And under which cruel process, they will Do, and promise any thing, renounce their Pi-inciples to get relief; but when reliev'd Will disregard their promises, and live According to long establish'd notions. At pain and miseries, I have a horror, And like some, could never suffer martyrdomism For religious opinions, or any favorite Principle. I would renounce all, and whatever I could not avow in public, would Ciierish in secret; would be a hypocrite Through necessity ; take the shortest cuts to Get i-elief ; — like a slave chastis'd, who says Any thing to appease his master's wrath, For which he's unaccountable. 'Tis his Mode of relief from pain. A person stricken With cbolic, will ficcly take the strongest Medicines, or any thing to quite the Convuls'd system. If you make me guilty. As a consequence, if scotu-g'd, I may ask Mercy at the hands of my enemies ; A thing which I cannot do as I am. They have me on the hip, in a desperate Box. The witness's are my enemies, For they do not belong to my party. They say I stol'd the money ; this I Have denied. I had the money, but without My knowledge. As soon as 'twas discover'd, As soon as I found its owner, all my Wealth was profier'd to compromise this Matter, which was refus'd ; disgrace and Corporal punishment, being more desirable. Considerations like these, should awaken Doubts. If you have a doubt I'm not guilty, But under the impositions of demons And false-hearted men, upon this plea you Can acquit me ; if otherwise, do your Duty. I'm ready for the worse, and must Submit to your decision. Judge. You can take the case, gentlemen of the jury; 'Tis so plain, a charge is unnecessary ; So plain, that boys of fifteen could decide it ; So simple, " a wayfaring man, though a fool, Therein need not err." [The Jury retire.) Blu. May it please your Honor, that the jury THE POLITICIANS. 37 Will convict me I am sure ; at least I Labor under this impression: feel Over anxious for my fate, as if really Guilty, and beg mercy that my penalty Be light. My disgrace and shame you cannot Remedy ; 'twill follow me to the grave. But in the stead of corporal punishment, You can exact my wealth, to compensate Mine injur'd enemy, and fill the coffers Of the state ; at which I'll be satisfied, And pass through the world poor and penniless, To be exempted from the lash. — But enough, The jury are returning. Judge. Gentlemen, are you agreed ? Foreman. Agreed. Judge. What's the verdict ? Foreman. The defendant guilty. Bill. Just as I expected. Your Honor will Not swei-ve from justice. Your Honor will not Blemish his legal eclat, in adjudging Me a humane penalty ; — but why not? I do protest my innocence ; should an Angel protest it, a million witness's, The hills, mountains, murmuring ocean Echo it, I could not be more innocent. Then most noble Judge, touch me with your Legal scepter ; treat an innocent man With commisseration ; demand his wealth for Reparation ; let his fortunes be forfeited To the state, but don't subject his person To the lash. Let your humanity Extend thus far, and I, a disappointed Humble man, will be indebted to your Honor, the remnant of my life. Judge. I cannot believe you, without disbelieving The honorable witness's. You may be Innocent, but your bold bearing, and open Countenance, is an unwise criterion To go by. Your tongue is oily, and with It, yovi can partly hide your faults and Spotted character, as the creeping snail, Conceal'd in its portable shell, we do Not see it, but we know its there. From looks Or jestures, I do not pei-ceive your guilt. But I know you are guilty, or why should Men of honor, science, learning, affirm it With an oath ? — To effect your ruin, could Not induce such men to perjury. You are guilty, sir, and I regret it. — 38 THE POLITICIANS. But as this is the first offence, I must Be lenient, though not in exacting Your wealth, for that would leave you poor; But in making your penalty light. — For offences like yours, it has ever Been the custom to punish the offender With thirty-nine stripes. You shall receive but Half that number, which is nineteen and a Half. The Sheriff will conduct you hence, And inflict the penalty. Sher. May it please yoiu' Honor, I don't know How to strike half a lick. Judge. Nothing easier ; after giving him Nineteen strokes, split your paddle, and with one- Half, give him another. \_Exeunt all to the ivhipping block.'\ ACT IV. Scene I. — Three weeks after the trial. — A Room in Blvmor'g House. — Hauthorn ajid Buxton, unobseri^ed, heard Blumor giving vent to his meditations. Blu. I am what I should not be, ruin'd without A cause, unjustly scourg'd, an atom curs'd, Bruis'd in the scale of the universe. Thou Great Judge of right and wi'ong ; ! ye supernal Powers, sufferest thou the innocent Thus used ; trampled down by ostentatious Devils. As vengeance is thine, let my wrongs Quickly be aveng'd, and my enemies Nonplus'd. How long must they triumph ? How Long exult at my dessolation and Miseries ? ! lift my feet from this pit Of miry clay ! Let me be freed from the Schemy tricks and vile ingenuities Of my vile race, or I can never show My face more, never be seen more, but must Be a lasting reproach to the virtuous And law-loving people, "of my own, my Native land." Hau. (^Coming up from behind.) You never will, sir, the day Is not far distant, when Henry Blumor, will scintillate The brightest star in the galaxy of Our Union ; and rise roughshod o'er his Present ungodly enemies. Life now may Seemingly be a curse ; and hope, hopeless. You are in trouble, you look so, and I Judge so, having purposely overheard THE POLITICIANS. 39 Your words of despondency. Trouble must Have its course. You can lose nothing more Than is already lost ; to withdraw from The political field, some would judge it The consequence of guilt. It ill becomes The statesman, to brood o'er his wrongs in Melancholy indolence ; for he must Take that which cannot be averted. So must we all. You've been unfortunate, That we know : for your misfortimes fell Heavily upon your friends. They have Consulted for your interest, and its Their advice that you remain a candidate. Bill. If there was any chance, any possible Chance to get elected, or to advance ]\Iy party interest, I would follow Their advice, and labor as I was want In my pabniest days. There is no chance; Mine is a hopeless future ; without Political faith ; without popularity ; Without courage, and manly confidence. Therefore look up some other man to head Our party ; and here thoughtful let me be, Till time exhausts each passion, checks each thought, Which wander tunmltuously o'er the Incidents of life, from youth till manhood. Ilau. We'll have no other man, we'll seek no other Man ; you are our candidate, the people's Choice ; and your services are needed in The field. Brown's daily canvassing, making Public speeches. You ai-e not afraid of Bi-own; Then meet him ; — if defeated, you'll have many Sympathizers ; if elected, the plaudets Of triimiph will jar the state. Leave this Your retreat, be cheerful and circulate Among the people. Blu. Be cheerful ! Is this yoitr advice ? A man Chastis'd, wrong'd, as I am. Why, sir, 'tis Impossible; — and circulate among The people ; meet their rebuk's, be scrutiniz'd Hy the finger of scorn; designated A thief. — I never can, sir ; my prosperous Days are ended ; the fire which once burn'd In my soul, seems to have gone out. I would Be mad; assume the appearance of the Maniac ; foam like the wild boar, to ignite, To kindle only a spark of that fire, Wliich purified once the feelings of my Nature, modelling them into language 40 THE POLITICIANS. And sentiment, divinely beautiful. How irksome it is to labor, pant, move, Restlessly desire something and obtain Nothing. Is the soul dead, when it seems brilliant. Thinks brilliant, but neither acts or speaks brilliant ? If not, 'tis better to be not flatter' d With such useless brilliancies. Of what profit Is a grand conception, invention, or Any thing else, if it remains burri'd In the soul ? My talent, and every useful Acquirement, must now fall uselessly About me ; my soul become torpid, and The fire which hitherto made it fruitful Of imagination, must make it dross. But if the world had all my thoughts from the Years of discretion up, ev'ry wild fancy That compass'd me about, in an irregular And tumultuous manner, I would be •Satisfied ; rather be what I am than The greatest genius that ever liv'd. I would sit crown'd the mental Andes of The Universe, and my hoary summit Would be laden with the gratitude and Praises of posterity. Hau. You are an extraordinary man, Have gather' d earthly honors, pull'd down Prurient vice; reap'd fame, immortal as The sea ; beautiful as the rainbow. Encircling God's horizon. But the great Difiiculty is in making you believe it. Men of talent genius, are timid, wilful Beings : — you are so, else one gross shame could Ne'er reduce^nature's favor'd child, to Irresolution and inaction. Repel timidity, unpopular misgivings ; Meet calmnly the scowling look of incens'd Enemies. You have nothing to tlread ; You are not dead, Blumor, lift up your head ; Behold thy attainable jail glimmering Distantly ; bequeath thy gloom to specters ; Rise like a Neptune out of the sea ; Thy prosperous days, sir, are not ended, — Far from it ; no band of demagogues. No party clique, can bar thy future glory ; 'Twill be as lasting as the hill, where thou Didst play a shepherd's boy, and taught thy Dog to bark. I beseech you, by childhood's Recollections ; by wife and beautious offspring ; Be advis'd by friends, and you'll escape the Gauntlet of dishonor. THE POLITICIANS. 41 JSiix. (^Coming lip from behind.) Come, come, frieud Blumor, 'Twill never do ; from this quiescent spot, you must issue ; Go forth a politician as of yore, And act as you have acted heretofore. To be punish'd, whipp'd, is no disgrace, If the whipping is judged out of place ; This thing, strive to make the people believe, And a great alteration you'll perceive. Care neither more for rebiikes or slander, Than the farmer does for his cackling gander. Reproaches in the end will flee the brow, Of the many who persecute you now. If, sir, you are a victim of abuse, You can make it of profitable u,