\ F 199 . G8 Copy 1 GBIDIBON WIDE <•) to ® \&SHINGTON SPECIAL PANAMA EDITION G C« WASHINGTON AS IT REALLY IS A Guide for Gridiron Guests ff- dl$ J THE CAPITOL TO-DAY LAVISHLY ILLUSTRATED / <=? o G o(\ V I . ; Vuvu5>U 1111111111 111111111111101 ®n (§nt IJatrana: JHIS Indispensable Volume was Originally Pre- pared with a View to Enabling the Visitor to Washington to Saunter Safely through the Mazes of a Mystifying Metropolis. The Aim of the Compilers has been Picturesque Conciseness without Sacrificing Consistency of Plot. It Has Been their Wish to Preserve the Traditions of a Capital Noted for the Variety of its Monuments, the Antiquity of its Office Holders and the Strenuous Adherence of its Ruling Classes to Spectacular Civil Service Reform. The Illustrations have been Supplied by Eminent Artists, who have Felt that Visitors would Value an Intelligent Interpretation of the True Significance of the Objects and Scenes Depicted Rather than a Slavish Subservience to Photographic Accuracy. The Special Panama Edition is Designed to Meet the demand from American Officials Temporarily Resident on The Isthmus Pending their Removal and Return. We Unreservedly Recommend a Perusal of Our Ad- vertising pages. No Advertisement has been Admitted which cannot Conscientiously be Classified Either as Wholesome or as Profitable. No Patent Medicines Can secure our Endorsement which have not Paid Liberally for it and no Intoxicating Liquors which we have not Thoroughly Tested. The Capitol Let us start at the Capitol. This Building, the Mecca of Rural Statesmen, is Mainly Noted for its Lobbies, which are of Generous Propor- tions. When Originally Constructed, it was Expected to Occupy a Prominent Place in Public Affairs. Of late years, it has been Dwarfed by Comparison with the White House. Somewhere within the Classic Outlines of the Majestic Marble Building is a Deliberate Body, which Imagines it is Entrusted with the Awful Duty of Making Laws to Govern the People of the United States. You will Find it at the Butt End of Uncle Joe Cannon's Cigar. DJD GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON fflD 1&uUb nf lEttqurti? M m S WASHINGTON Yearly Becomes More and More Like a European Court, Rules of Etiquette are Rigidly- Observed. The Recognized Order of Precedence is: The President of The United States, The Vice President Of The United States, ( When Ambassadors do not Object) Ambassadors, ( When the Supreme Court does not Object) The Cabinet, ( When Senators do not Object) Chief Justice of the Supreme court, ( When he is Willing) The Speaker Of The House, ( When Associate Jtistices of the Supreme Court do not Object) Associate Justices of the Supreme Court, ( When Senators do not Object) Bailiffs Of The Local Courts, Senators, Representatives, ( Who never Object) Army And Navy Officers, (Marine Corps not Recognized) The Public, ( Which is Helpless) T GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON — 7— Vice President's Room.— The Ceiling of this Room is Remarkable for its Great Height. It is Contiguous to the President's Room. This is Regarded in Some Quarters as an Architectural Blunder. The Senate Chamber is The Assembly Room of the Finest Club on Earth. The Deliberations of the Senate are Public, Except when the Doors are Closed for Executive Session. Then they are Published. There is no more Instructive Sight in Washington than when Senator Morgan is making a speech on the San Domingo Treaty. You can't see Morgan because the Doors are Shut and Locked. You can't see the other Senators because they are not There. Senate Chamber. Every Visitor to Washington, including Insurgent Representatives, should see the Speaker's Room. The Speaker is the Original E Pluribus Unum. He is 386 Representatives in One. His Room is Adorned with a Clock and a Secretary. Pennsylvania Avenue was In- tended Originally to Separate Congress from the Executive. Modern Improve- ments including the Telephone, and Senators Lodge and Knox, have Nulli- fied this Intention. BJD GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON 11 The President ranks as King. The Vice President, however, is not Heir Apparent. Invitations from the President are Commands. His Criticisms of all Matters, Public and Private, must be Respected. Newspaper Correspondents Study his Wishes and are Guided by them. The Lower Classes make the first Call upon Those Above them. This Rule is Rigidly Enforced. The Secretary of the Treasury for Example is Expected to Call upon Mr. J. Pierpont Morgan. Full Dress is Required at Dinners. Steel-pen Coats and Decol- lete Gowns May be Hired at Low Rates. See our Advertising Pages. Congressmen with families will Refrain from Taking Cake and Fruit Home to the Children. Wines should be Judiciously Used. At the Better Class Tables Each Guest is Allowed no More than a Magnum of Champagne. It is Bad Form to Request the Waiter to Leave the Bottle at your Plate. Spoons for Soup, Forks for Fish, and Knives for Cutting Only are now de rigeur. Picking One's Teeth with a Fork at the Table Without Shielding the Mouth with the Hand or the Napkin Should be Avoided if Possible. Visitors Accustomed to Tying Napkins about their Necks while at Dinner Should Use the Modern Detachable Elastic Invented for that Purpose. See our Advertising Columns. Napkins or Spoons are not to be Taken from the Table. They may have been Hired for the Occasion. Hunting is Prohibited in the Zoological Gardens (Our Bears must be Protected) . Loaded Revolvers Strapped to the Hip are Permitted only to Private Secretaries. Members of the Cabinet are on View every Tuesday and Friday. They must not be Spoken to Without Written Permission. T GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON — 9— The White House The White House— This is a School for the Education of Senators and Re- presentatives as to their Duty to their Country. The Head-Master is Prof. T. Roosevelt, A.B., A.M., LL.D., Litt. D. (Harvard, 1880) . There is a Gymnasium Connected with the Institution. The Motto is— <4 1bit fftrst anD jfrequent." Immediately Adjoining the White House is The Department of State, the workshop of a Man who would rather Serve his Country at $8,000, or $50,000 per, than the Corporations for $250,000. Department of State. The Treasury. The Treasury is a Kindergarten for Bank Presidents, but not for Presidents of the United States. Many a Secretary of the Treasury has Tried it, but None ever Got There ! Cosmos Club. — Formerly the Resi- dence of Mrs. Madison. It Has an Insomnia Cure Annex. Many Notable Scientific Men Sleep in this House. Opposite the Cosmos Club is the office of Henry Gassaway Davis, who is Unique in Washington for Never Having been in Politics. *5 Cosmos Club. 11 GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON M THE SENATE VAUDEVILLE GAYEST OF GAIETIES Matinees Every Afternoon but Friday and Saturday WILLIAM B. ALLISON THE MARVELOUS HUMAN MEGAPHONE CHAS. W. FAIRBANKS IN HIS GREAT THINKING PART NELSON W. ALDRICH Champion Long' Distance Telepathist and Hypnotist, Read* Thoug'hts and Controls Action while Miles Away HENRY CABOT LODGE Lightning Transformation Artist in His Life-LiKe Impersona- tions of T. Roosevelt. BENJAHIN R. TILLMAN In His Refined Specialties HEYBURN and KITTREDGE Tripping' and Tantalizing' TerpsicHoreans JOSEPH BENSON FORAKER Equilibrist on the SlacK "Wire STEPHEN B. ELKINS Ventriloquist and Prestidig'itateur, in his Mystifying Railroad Rebate Vanishing' Act JOSEPH W. BAILEY MONOLOGIST JOHN C. SPOONER and ROBERT H. LAFOLLETTE The Wisconsin "Wonders. Featherweig'ht Sparrers ARTHUR P. GORHAN With his Own Company, Select and Limited, Engag'ed for this Occasion at Extraordinary Expense, in the One Act play entitled "LOST OPPORTUNITIES" And Other Attractions Which flust be Seen to be Appreciated GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON —11- Strangers Visiting The War Depart- ment, can See how Secretary Taft Holds Down his Job. He Sits on It. This is also the Office of Major General F. C. Ainsworth. He was Promoted to his Present Rank for Coolness and Gallantry in the Face of Congressional Committees. War Department. ODD ODD ODD Near by is the Stable where Secretary Taft keeps his Saddle-Horse. Sympa- thetic Visitors can Leave Flowers on the Weighing Machine. Secretary Taft's Stable. This is the Residence of Henry Cabot Lodge, the great Reciprocity Agitator. Here is where he Cordially Reciprocates the Feelings Entertained toward Him by Henry M. Whitney and Others. Residence of Senator Lodge. Army and Navy Club. The Army and Navy Clvib is the Loafing Place of the Nation's Heroes. Their Conversation would Contribute Greatly to the Information of the Sec- retary of War, the Secretary of the Navy and the Naval and Military Committees of Congress. II GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON ID LEARN TO BE A STATESMAN BY MAIL THE INTERPLANETARY CORRESPONDENCE SCHOOL CONSULTING BOARD E. W. Carmack John Wesley Gaines William Sulzer Timothy D. Sullivan Charles S. Wharton William J. Stone George P. Wetmore Benjamin R. Tillman Why neglect this opportunity? It comes but once in a lifetime. Statesmanship is the Easiest Profession to Learn. The Interplanetary Correspondence School is the only Correspondence School which makes it a Specialty. YOU CAN DOUBLE YOUR SALARY NO WORK! NO WORRY!! Write at Once for Full Particulars. T GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON —13- f Statuary Hall. Statuary Hall Contains the Finest Collection of Has-beens on Earth. The Room is Remarkable for its Acoustics, which Excite more Interest than the Solemn Effigies. Such is Fame. I GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON —14— STOP! LOOK! LISTEN! HIGHEST PRICES PAID FOR UNUSED RAILROAD PASSES ADDRESS: GEORGE H. DANIELS PRESIDENT United Association of Retired Passenger Agents. ARE YOU INSURED? If not, you will Never have a Better Chance than this. Special Inducements to Members of the House of Representatives, who contem- plate going up Against the Committee on Rules. Any Republican Congressman found serious- ly Crippled in or near the Speaker's Room with a copy of the Gridiron Guide in his pocket will Receive a Suitable Annuity by Presenting this Coupon at the Office of the Sergeant at Arms. MAP OF ^ BASED ON" THTC ZjA.TB SHINGTON GEO] .OCitCAI. SURVEY T GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON —15— f Not far Away is the Metropolitan Clxxb. The Commissioner of Internal Revenue Reports the withdrawal of 105,000,000 Gallons of Whiskey, for Rec- tification during the Last Fiscal Year, and 1,500,000 Gallons for Bottling in Bond. fletropolitan Club. ShoomaKer's. A famous resort owned by Frank A. Munsey, who has Declared In his Ov^n Handwriting that it is Really the Best he has Ever Seen. Nothing Prepared here is Used in Mr. Munsey's Magazine. Shoomakei's Hancock's Hancock's, at the Sign of 1-2-3-4 Contains a Notable Museum, Single admission 15 cents; Two for a Quarter ; Light Refreshments Served (free), Three-quarters of a Mile from the Capitol, but Committees of Congress Frequently Hold Meetings Here. In Rear Rooms (after 5 P. M.) May Be seen Life-size figures of Senators and Representatives. 1) GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON M THE BOOK OF THE YEAR "The Young Man in a Whirl." By CHARLES W. FAIRBANKS. "Every Boy Cannot be President and What is More every boy ought not to be." p. 7. THE CREMO OF LITERATURE! For Sale at all Stations on the Trans-Siberian Railway. Published Originally in the Gentleman's Home Journal DELICIOUS! APPETIZING ! ! SATISFYING!!! ALSO "Presidential Problems" By LESLIE M. SHAW, Author of "Humor in High Finance." GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON —17- T Those who are Interested in Engineering Problems should not Fail to Visit the Mills Building'. In the Rear Part of this Structure on the Sixth Floor Shonts is Digging a Canal and Bishop is Writing One. The Problem is to see How Long They can Keep at it. On Leaving the Mills Building visitors may Profitably Call at the Smithsonian Institution where Prof. Langley is Financing a Flying Machine. n n n n'fi QQBO Mills Building. SovitKern Railway Office. Mr. Samuel Spencer Does his Literary Work here. The Best View of this Place may be Obtained from the Interstate Com- merce Commission, or from the Spanish Treaty Claims Commission. Southern Railway. Not too far Away is the Residence of William E,. CHandler. Watch out! He Throws Bricks. fir. Chandler's House. f GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON —18— Uictim$of Sedentary fiabit$ MAY FIND RELIEF A Permanent Cure Guaranteed Read the Following Testimonial Hon. John T. Morgan, Dear Sir: — I have been addicted for over 30 years to the unfortunate Sitting Habit. Fearing that it might become Chronic I had tried Cummins' s Cap- sules, Shaw's Specific and other recognized remedies without Appreciable Relief Finally it was suggested to me to try one of your speeches. In Despair I did so. At the first test I found it impossible to Remain in My Seat and Have Had no Desire to Occupy it Since While You had the Floor. Yours Gratefully, WILLIAM B. ALLISON. T GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON —19- The Navy Department is a Massive Granite Building with a French Roof and a French Secretary. It is the Head- quarters of the National Civil Service Reform Association, pro tern. Friends of Good Government are Respectfully Invited to Step in and see an Office run by a Man who for Many Years has been Telling People how one Ought to be Run. Navy Department. Post Office Department. Passing Rapidly through Postmaster General Cortelyou's Ante Room we come to the Headquarters of the Republican National Committee. It has direct private Tele- phone Communication with the White House. Post Office Department. Department of Justice. In Ancient Times the Department of Justice was Run by a Single Lady, who kept Her Eyes Shut. Under this Administration the Manager is a Single Gentleman who keeps his Eyes Open. Look in and See William Henry Moody Bust a Trust. OJD GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON M HALLS OF THE ANCIENTS Driven from our Former Home We Have Secured a Permanent Lease Of the North Wing of the Capitol "Where Visitors Will Find on Exhibition Daily "Relics of a *By-Gone Age EXPOSITION OF THE TRADITIONS OF THE SENATE BY EMINENT ESSAYISTS PERSONAL REMINISCENCES OF THE EARLY DAYS OF THE REPUBLIC ADMISSION FREE T GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON —21— The Washington Post is the Only Newspaper in the World that Runs Its Own Gas Works. Washington Post. British Embassy. — This is the Den of the British Lion. We don't Twist his Tail any More. Tail-twisting went out of Style about the Time of the Spanish War. British Embassy. The Pension Office is Sup- posed to be the Ugliest Building in Washington. The Outside Frieze Represents the Unending Proces- sion of Decapitated Commission- ers Passing into Private Life. The Inside Freeze is for Old Soldiers and Inaugural Balls. Pension office. The Agricultural Department.— James Wilson is Secretary of Agriculture. His Friends call him "Old Cornjuice." He has Extraordinary Staying Powers. That's All. Agricultural Department. II GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON M) White House Tennis Courts. Admission Restricted to Members of the Keep Commission and the French Ambas- sador; French being the Language of the Courts. The Bounding B* & O- BOASTS THE MOST PICTURESQUE ROAD BED IN AMERICA Rolling Stock Tested By Years of Hard Service ALL TRAINS WAIT ANYWHERE FOR PASS- ENGERS ON SIGNAL. I GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON —23— Visit the Residence of ArtH\ir P\ie Gorman, who for many years, Repre- sented the State of Maryland in the Senate. He Represents the State in Part now. This is the Mexican Embassy. The new Ambassador is a Big Man in his own Country, and He is Growing very Rapidly in this. Here's to our Next Door Neighbor. Mexican Embassy. The liaiserHaus Stands on a Hill so that the German Ambassador can See what is Going on. He doesn't Miss a Trick. Around the Corner is St. John's Episcopal CK\ircK, where Fashion- able People get Married. When Metho- dists, Baptists, or Presbyterians come to Washington, they Always Rent Pews in St. John's Church. It Helps Climbers Along. St. John's Church. On the Right Hand Corner as you pass up K Street is the Residence of tHe Vice President. "Another Place to Eat". 1) GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON ffl) WANTED.-To Correspond with House Insurgents— Object Matrimony. Apply to Carlos Morales, Santo Domingo. WANTED.— Information as to the Whereabouts of William R. Hearst. He has not been seen in Washington since the begin- ning of Congress. Address Sergeant at Arms, House of Repre- sentatives. WANTED.— An Experienced Censor to Revise the Copy of Reporters Stationed at the Executive Mansion. Must bring Recommendations from Nicholas Alaxanderovitch II, or Nicho- las Longworth. Apply at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. ARE YOU OUT OF EMPLOYMENT? WANTED Able Bodied Men to ride on the Pennsylvania Railroad. MONEY NO OBJECT We Must Fill Our Cars! Apply, Giving Age and Number of Dependent Family, to GEO. W. BOYD, General Passenger Agent, Pennsylvania Railroad. f GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON —25— This is a Statue of the Hon. Francis G. Newlands, which Has not Yet been Erected. Statute of Senator Newlands. At a Respectable Distance is the Pres- byterian ClvurcH of tKe Cove- nant where Statesmen go to Confess their Sins and Get a Fresh Hold. Church of the Covenant. Belasco TKeater. — This is a No- Trust Theater. You Have to Pay in Advance. Belasco Theater Rivaling in Height the Proposed Life Size Statue of Charles W. Fairbanks the Washington Monument Towers above the Town. It can be Ascended in Eight Minutes With the Aid of the Elec- tric Elevator and descended in Eight Seconds Without. It was Thirty-seven years in Building, Having been Started during the Administration of a Slow President who Could not Command the Services of a Commission. Let Us Pause here and Ponder. Washington Monument. II GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON M £Wtt Wr&wcb ?Jf *tri BEST MODERATE PRICE HOUSE IN AMERICA Try Our Seventy-five Cent Table d'Hote SEE ON OPPOSITE PAGE SAMPLE PREPARED FOR THE WORLD RENOWNED GRIDIRON CLUB. DjD GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON M MENU T&uzz&rb lay GDnatprs (tansammt {IrtnrFaa £mtn (Mt»w SabiBhra £altfi> Nttta nnaba, roaateo m\b atnffen &alafc in ^raanti Jr?a in fanrtj forms ^ptitr IFnwra (Cnffw MOET S CHAN DON, BRUT IMPERIAL AND WHITE SEAL 1900 APOLLIN AR IS WATER. GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON —28— T f Cbe Gridiron Club of Washington, D. C. Committees tor 1906: Vice-President Blythe and Secretary Shriver ex-officio members of all committees. £ntcrtainment Invitation Oarthe, Chairman Blythe Henry Coolidgk West O'Brien Snyder Hall Johnson, S. E. Patterson Stealey Kauffmann Johnson, P. C. Walker, G. H. Bennett Odlahan Corwin Wynne Schroder Chairman Miller, T. P. I«BUPP Bone IvlNDSAY Ohl Shrivkr HOSFORD ROUZER Brown Dunn DeGraw Bdsbey Walker, R. G. flSenn Coolidge, Chairman West Curtis Carpenter Seckrndorff Oulahan Cunningham tReception McKee, Chairman Noyes BOYNTON Carson Rouzer Richardson IyARNRR Clarke Handy- Dodge flDusic Randolph, Chairman stofer Messenger West Young Jermane Hay Xander Mors ell Nolan Kaiser Moshkr small Sousa Henry Johnson, P. C. Kauffmann Snyder Cunningham f GRIDIRON GUIDE TO WASHINGTON —29— f Cbe Gridiron £iub OF WASHINGTON, D. C. ORGANIZED JAN. 24, 1885 OFFICERS FOR THE YEAR 1906 President, RICHARD LEE FEARN Vice-President, SAMUEL GEORGE BLYTHE Secretary, JOHN SHULTZ SHRIVER Treasurer, GEO. H. WALKF.R Executive Committee (in addition to officers) Louis Garthe Scott Bone Charles A. Boynton Resident Members Blythe, Samuel G New York World Bone, Scott C Washington, D. C. Boynton, Charles A The Associated Press Brown, Henry S New York Herald Busbey, L- White 2516 zjth St. N. W. Carpenter, Frank G. . . . Carpenter's Syndicate Carson, John M 1332 Vermont Ave. N.W. Clarke, H. Conquest 1752 N St. N. W. Coolidgk, LA 1423 Welling Place Curtis, William E Chicago Record-Herald DeGraw, P. V 210 Maryland Ave. N.E. Dodge, Arthur J Milwaukee Sentinel Dunn, Arthur W The Associated Ptess Ffarn. Richard Lee New York Tribune Garthe, Loi'is Ballimote American Hall, Hknry Pittsburg Times Handy, F. A. G 1331 12th St. N.W. Henry, James S Philadelphia Press Hosford, Frank H Detroit Times Jp.rmane, W. W Minneapolis Journal Johnson, Philander C Washington Star Johnson, S. E • Cincinnati Enquirer Kauffmann, Rudolph Washington Star Larnkr, R. M. . . . Charleston News and Courier Lei-pp, Francis E 1813 16th St. N.W. Lindsay, Richard H Kansas City Star McKee, David R 1753 Rhode Island Ave. Messenger, N. O Washington Star Miller, John P Baltimore Sun Noyes, Crosby S Washington Star O'Brihn, Robert L Boston Transcript Ohl, J. K Atlanta Constitution Oulahan, Richard V Neiu York Sun Pattkrson, Raymond Chicago Tribune Randolph, Charles C Arizona Republican Richardson, F. A Baltimore Sun Rouzer, Geo. W The Rochambeau Schroeder, Reginald . . . . N. Y. Staats-Zeitung Seckendorff, M. G . 2018 Hillyer Place Shriver, John S Cincinnati Times-Star Snyder, Edgar C Omaha Bee Stealky, O.O Louisville Courier Journal Stofer, Alfred J Baltimore Herald Walker, Ernest G Boston Herald Walker, Geo. H 8 Lajavette Square West, Henry L District Building Wynne, Robert J. . U. S. Consulate, London, Eng. Young, James Rankin . . . Philadelphia Dispatch Non-Resident Members Adams, Walter E Boston Herald, Boston Barrett, E. W. . . Age-Herald, Birmingham, Ala. Barry, David S. . The Journal, Providence, R. I. Corwin, John Adams . 4157 Ellis Avenue Chicago DePdy, Frank A N. Y. Hetald, New York Gibson, E. J. . . • Beach and Varick Sts., New York Heath, Perry S Muncie, Indiana Knapp, C W St. Louis Republic, St. Louis Miller, albert Los Angeles, Cal. Presbrey, Frank . . . 3-7 W. 20th St., New York Stevens, W. B. ..... Exposition, St. Louis, Mo. Limited Members Bennett, Frank V The Gotham, New York Cunningham, J.Harry Star Building Hay, E. B 1400 N. Y. Ave. N.W. Kaiser, J. Henry 1740 F St. N.W. MORSELL, HERNDON 1410 15th St. N.W. Mosher, Alex 1730 20th St. N. W. Nolan, John H 1413 G St. N. W. Small, Jr., J. Henry. . . . 14th and G Sts. N.W. Sousa, John Philip . . . 18 W. 34th St., New York Xander, Henry .-. . — . . .— . 909 7th St. N.W. '