Author 
 
 ^ ♦ 
 
 Title 
 
 
 Imprint. 
 
 i«- 
 
TASTE: 
 
 A COMEDY, 
 
 ^^ TWO ACTS. 
 
 J^Y SAMUEL lOOTE, ESQ, 
 
 NEW- YORK : 
 
 J^UBLISHED BV d. LONGWORTH, 
 
 At the Dramatic Repository, 
 Skakspeare-GallerT/, 
 
 M<:w/— 1813, 
 
 mmmmmmmmmmmmfUBFm 
 
m 
 
ROLO 
 
 WRITTEN BV MR. GARRICti, 
 
 m^rx 
 
 % ^ ^ ^ PROLOGUE 
 
 and spoken by him in the character of an auctio7urr. 
 
 Before this court, I peter puff appear, 
 A. briton born, and bred an auctioneer ! 
 Who ibr tiiyseif, and eke a hundred others, 
 My useful, honest, learned, bawling brothers, 
 With much humility and fear implore ye, 
 To lay our present desp'rate case before ye. 
 
 Tis said tiiis night a certain wag intends 
 To laugh at us, our calling and our friends : 
 l\^ lords and ladies, and such dainty folks ! 
 Are cured of auction-hunting by his jokes. 
 Should this odd doctrine spread throughout the land 
 Before you buy, be sure to understand; 
 Oh, think on us what various ills will flow, 
 AVhen great ones only purchase — what they know 7 
 Why laugh at taste / it is a harmless fashion. 
 And quite subdues each detrimental passion ; 
 The fair ones' hearts will ne'er incline to man, 
 While thus they rage for — China and Japan, 
 The virtuoso too, and connoisseur. 
 Are ever decent, delicate, and pure ; 
 The smallest hair their looser thoughts might holt-. 
 Just warm when single, and when married, cold : 
 Their blood at sight of beauty gently flows ," 
 Their Venus must be old, and want a nose ! 
 No am'rous passion with deep knowledge thrives , 
 Tis the complaint, indeed, ol all our wives ! 
 I'is said virtu to such a height is grown. 
 All aitists are encouraged — but our own. 
 Be not deceived I here declare on oath, 
 I never yet sold goods o. foreign growth : 
 Ne'er sent commissions out to Greece ovRomc , 
 My best antiquities are made at home. 
 I've ronians, greeks , itaiians, near at hand, 
 True britons all — and living in the strand, 
 1 ne'er for trinkets rack my pericranium, 
 They furnish out my room tiom herculaneum* 
 But hush— 
 
 mmm^^msm^fommim 
 
PROLOGUE. 
 
 Should it be known that engUsh are employed, 
 Our manufacture is at once destroyed ; 
 No matter what our countrymen deserve, 
 They'll thrive as ancients, but as moderns starve — 
 if we should fall to you it will be owing ; 
 Farewell to arts — they're going, going, going; 
 The fatal hammer's in your hand, oh, town ! 
 Then set us up — and knock the poet down. 
 
 TASTE. 
 
 In this pleasant comedy, which came from the satirical pen of 
 Samuel Foote, we meet with * much to approve, and little to con- 
 demn.' 
 
 It was brought before the public in the year 1752 ; as the com- 
 edy throughout is rich in satire of the first description, it is to be 
 vegretted that it has been suffered to lay so long dormant. 
 
 DRAMATIS PERSONS, 
 
 Carmine, 
 
 Puff, 
 
 Brush, 
 
 Novice, 
 
 Lord Dupe, 
 
 Alderman Pentweazel, 
 
 Caleb, 
 
 Boy, 
 
 Lady Featw^azel, 
 
 Drury-lanc. 
 
 Mr, Palmer 
 
 — Yates 
 
 — Cross 
 
 — Blakeo 
 
 — Shuter 
 
 — Taswell 
 
 — Costollo 
 Mast. Cross 
 Mr. fVorsdalc 
 
 The passages distinguished by inverted commas tl^iis, 
 4^^ '-) are omitted in the represcntQtiort. 
 
■*i' A S T }:, 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 sci:.vE I— a painting room, 
 mter caumine, followed by the Bor. 
 
 i^'^J^ *''*'''' ''°''"'' '" f'^« ^™do^. by the Diiict 
 Any visitors or mes>ao-<^^' '^ "^ paiiei. 
 
 ™ay take youronn tiie ''"'**="' ''" ^'^^^■' y«" 
 
 Cor. Well 
 
 delicacy of a'Cu t t-^ Jnll. T='x,'%*° ^"PP'-^ «ie 
 design of a RaDhaf.? ^^ ^f°!°""S .^- =^ R«bens. and the 
 
 With these, not one V^^:;^' "-^-^ -^ 
 e^i^^er BOY, w;fY/^ the slate, 
 
 ,.ft .ro„s lor tood ; and witli them, too, gulps down 
 
g TASTE [Foofe 
 
 every tl.L"? tl.at's offered her-no m^.^tf" ho«- coarse. 
 Weli! she shall be fed ; I'll make her my uitroductory key 
 to tlie whole bench of aldemieH. 
 
 enter boy rcith puFF. 
 
 B"V. Mr. Puff, sir- ^, , 
 
 Car If-t us be private. What have you there . _ 
 Pvf Tv.0 oi R'iT,brandt's etching, by Scrape m May . 
 buiU- iasE : a paltry afidir, a poor ten-guinea ,obr however 
 a" man game-yon know the proverb-what became ot 
 
 ^"car!TwJs 'detained by sir Positive Bubble How 
 went the pictures ? the GuiJio, what dia that letch ? 
 PutT. One hundred and thirty. ^^ <., ■ ,< 
 
 fvr Ham ! four guineas the frame, three the paint- 
 ing ; then we dividi jurt one hundred and twenty- 
 
 *''%> Hold-not altosetlier so fast-Varnish had two 
 piccef for MHding agaiast Squander, and Brush hve for 
 
 'T^Im^m; w^^lT'lo^k ye, mr. Puff, if these people 
 oje " -'nafy quartered iri^on us, I deeJare off, s,r ; they 
 ^atup «i^ rof t. There's that damned Brush-but you'll 
 ^nd h m out. I tavc upon his old plangiven h>m.cop,esof 
 " thP work 1 execute.! upon his recommendation : and 
 wLat wasthe consequence ? he clandestinely so d the cop- 
 ies and I have ail the originals in my hmiber-room. 
 
 Pt ? Come, come, Carna.ie, you are no great .oser 
 hv tlat ^h! that lun>fc:-r-room! that lumber-room oat 
 5 r S- is the best con,5il^oned estate in the cor.ntj' ot 
 4 V le ex Whv, now tU-re's your Susannah, ,t could 
 n^v-' produce;:! you above twenty at most ; and b the 
 ^"dit'on of your l.ui.bcr-room dirt and th^salutar> ap~ 
 n V t'ono the 'spalth.ir:-pot, it became a Gu.do, vvortl 
 ^, "Jr^A tf,it-v DOi-n Is. " Besi.les, in all traffic ot 
 
 . Ssh'':^:: ourjack,... and ^^^^f^^^^J^^^ 
 " t-.ke of t;>: pr< y. Courage, my bov : n.vrrtear. i laise 
 .. be to follv an i fashion." there are in this town dupes 
 - pno ;"h to grntifv the avarice ot ns all. 
 rTr .Mr. Puff, 'you arc ignorant and scurrilous, and 
 
 I 
 
Act!] TASTE ? 
 
 and rery impertiiieiit, mv. Puff; and, mr, Piiif,;! have a 
 strange mind to leave yoa to yoni.selves, and thea see 
 what a hand you wonid make of it — sir, ii' I cio nov/ .ind 
 then add some tints of antiquity to my pictures, I do it in 
 condescension to the foible of the ^yorld ; lor, sir, age, -^'^^ 
 sir, is all my pictures want to render 'em as goo.i raoces 
 as the masters from whom they are taken : and let aie 
 tell you, sir, he that took my Susannali for a Gaido, gave 
 no mio;hty proofs of his ignorance, mr. Putf. 
 
 Puff. Why, thou post-painter, thou dauber, thou exe- 
 crable white-washer, thou — *' sirrah," have you so soon 
 tbrgot the wretched state from whence i uragge i you t 
 the first time I set ey^es on you, *• rascal 1" wh^it wis your 
 occupation then '? scribbling, in scarce legible letters, 
 coffee J tea, and chocolate , on a bawdy-house window in 
 Goodman' s-fields. 
 
 Car, The meanness of Eiy original demonstrates tlic 
 greatness of my genius. 
 
 Puff. Genius ! here's a dog. Pray, how high did your 
 genius soar ? to tiie daubing diabolical angels for ale- 
 houses, dogs with chains for tanners yards, rounds of beef 
 and roasted pigs for Porridge island. 
 
 Car. Hannibal Scratchi did the same, 
 
 Piiff. From tliat contemptible state did not I raise you 
 to the cat and fiddle in Petticoat-lane ; the goose and grid- 
 iron in Paul's church-yard ; the first live things you ever 
 drew, ** dog ?" 
 
 Car. Pox take your memory. V/ell, but, mr. Puff— 
 you are so 
 
 Ptff. Nov did I quit you tlien : who, sirrah, recom- 
 mended you to Prun Stiff, the mercer Tipon Ludgate-hill ; 
 how came you to draw the queen there ? {loud knocks at 
 the door) 
 
 Car. Mr. Puff, for heaven's sake ! dear sir, you afe 
 so warm, we shall be blown — -- 
 
 enter bov. 
 
 Boy. Sir, my lady Pen 
 
 Car. Seed hqr to the — show her irp stairs, de^r 
 
TASTE 
 
 [Footfc 
 
 Puff. Oh '. sir, I can be calm ; I only wanted to let 
 you see I had not forgot, though perhaps you may. 
 
 Car. Sir, you are very obliging. Well, but now as all 
 is over, if you will retreat a small time — lady Pentweazel 
 
 sits lor her pictare, and she's 
 
 Piiff I have some business at the next door ; I sup- 
 pose in half an hour's time 
 
 Car. I shall be at leisure. Dear Puff— — 
 
 Piiff. Dear Carmine [exit Puff 
 
 Car. Son of a whore — boy, show the lady up stairs. 
 
 enter lacf^ pestweazel. 
 
 L. Pen. Fine pieces ! very likely pieces ! and indeed 
 all ^like. Bum! lady Fusooek — dn t, ha, ha. La! lady 
 €il' ra^tead, by all that's ugly — pray^ nov", mr. Carmine, 
 ho'v do you limners contrive to overlook the ugliness and 
 yet preserve tht^. likeness ? 
 
 Car. The rat, maclam, may be conveyed in two words ; 
 where nature has been severe, we soften ; where she has 
 been kind, we aggravate. 
 
 L. Pen. Very ingenus, and very kind, truly. Well, 
 goo i sir, I bring you a subject that will demand the v* hole 
 of the first i^ttrt of your skill ; and if you are at leisure, 
 you may be'xia dhectly. 
 
 Car. Year laoyship is here a little ungrateful to nature, 
 and cruel to yourself; even lauy Fentweazle's emmies, 
 if such there be, must allow that she is a tine woman. 
 
 L. Pen. Oh, your servant, gooi sir. Wliy, I have 
 had my flay, mr. Carmine ; 1 have had my day. 
 
 Car. And iiave still, madam. The only diflTerence I 
 shall make between what you were, an(i wiiat you are, 
 will be no more tlian what Rubens has (.istinguished bo 
 tween Mary de Medicis, a virgin and a regent. 
 
 L. Pen. Mr. Carmine, I vo^v you are a very judicious 
 person, I was always saia to b<? like that family. When 
 my piece was hrst done, the limner did me after Venus 
 de Meoicis, ** which, 1 suppose, might be one of Mary's 
 sister's :" but things must change ; to be sitting for my 
 picture at this time of day ; ha, ha ! but my daughter 
 Sukry, you m 'st know is just manied to rar. Deputy 
 Dripping, of Candlewick-warci, and ^vould not be said 
 
Act rj TASTE 9 
 
 nay ; so it is not sx) much for the beaiily, as the siaiifiiade 
 Ha, ha ! 
 
 Car, True, madam ; ha, ha ! but if I hit the likeness, 
 I must preserve tiie beauty. Will your ladyship be seat- 
 ed ? (she sUsJ 
 
 L. Pen. I have heard, good sir, that every body has a 
 more betterer and more worserer side of the face than the 
 other — now which will you choose ? 
 
 Car, The right-side, madam — the left — now, if you 
 please, the full — your ladyship's countenance is so ex- 
 actly proportioned, that I must have it all ; no feature 
 can be spared. 
 
 L. Fen. When you come to the eyes, mr. Carminev 
 let me know, that I may call up a look. 
 
 Car. Mighty well, madam — your face a little nearer to 
 the left, nearer me — your head more up — she aiders back 
 — and chest forward. 
 
 L. Pen, Bless me, mr. Carmine, dont mind my shape 
 this bout J Der Tm only in jumps. Shall 1 send for my 
 tabbies ? 
 
 Car. No, madam, we'll supply that for tke present— 
 your ladyship was just now mentioning a daughter — is she 
 — your face a little more towards me — is she the sole in- 
 heritor of her mother's beauty ? or — have you-- — 
 
 L. Pen. That ? ha^ ha, ha ! why, that's my youngest 
 of all, except Caleb. I have had, mr. Carmine, live-born 
 and christened — stay — dont let me lie now — one — two 
 — three— four — five — " then I lay fallow — but the year 
 ** after I had twins — they came in mr. Pentweazers sher- 
 *.* iffalty; then Roger, then Robin, then Reuben — *' in 
 short, I have had twenty as fine babes as ever trod in shoe 
 of leather. 
 
 Car. Upon my word, madam, your ladyship is an ad- 
 mirable member of the commonwealth ; tis a thousand 
 pities that, like the romans, we have not some honors to 
 reward such distinguished merit. 
 
 L. Pen. Ay, ay, mr. Carmiiio, if breeding amongst chris- 
 tians was as much encouragtid as amongst dogs aad horses, 
 we need not be making laws to let in a parcel of outland- 
 ish locusts to eat us all up. 
 Car, I am told, madsaD, that a bill f^r some such ^iiv- 
 B ? 
 
10 
 
 TASTE 
 
 [Foote 
 
 n 
 
 po^e is about to pass, " and that we beghi now to have 
 
 "'' ahnost as much regard lor the propagation ot the spe^ 
 
 ^' cies, as the prnservatioa of the game ia these kmg- 
 
 ^' doras"— now, madaTri, I am come to the eyes— oh i 
 
 that look, that, that I must despair ot imitating. 
 
 L Pen. Oh ! oh ! good sir, have yon tbuna out that / 
 
 whv', all mv family by the mother's side were famous for 
 
 their eves : I have a great aunt among the beauties at 
 
 Windsor ; she has a sister at Hampton-court, a perdigious 
 
 fine woman— she had but one eye, indeed, but that was 
 
 a piercer ; that one eye got her three husbands— we were 
 
 called the gimkt-^eved family. Oh ! mr. Carmuie, you 
 
 reed not mind these heats in my face ; they always dis» 
 
 charge themselves about Christmas— my true carnation is 
 
 not seen m my co»mtenance. That's carnation 1 here s 
 
 your nesr. and blood, [showing her arm) 
 
 Car. Delicate, indeed! iinely turned, and of acharm= 
 
 Ins color! , , - . ., 
 
 L Pen 4ndyetithasbeen employed enough to spoil 
 
 the best hand and arm in the world— even before mar- 
 
 ri ,2:e nev^^r idle ; none of your galloping, gossiping- 
 
 Baiiela-h romps, like the forward minxes ol the present 
 
 age. ! was always employed either in painting your 
 
 Umskips, playing upo*^ ^'^s haspicols, making paste, or 
 
 somethins; or'othrr— all our family had a geno ; and then 
 
 i sung ! eyery body said I had a monstrous fine voice tor 
 
 xnusic. , - , . , A 
 
 Car. That n;ay be discerned by your ladysliip s tones 
 
 iu conversation. . ,, . ^ 
 
 L Pen. Tones— you are right, mr. Carmine ; that was 
 mi'. Purcel's word. Miss Molly Griskin, says he, my maid'- 
 cnname, you have tones. 
 
 Car. As your ladyship has preserved every thing else 
 _^o well, I dare swear you have not lost your voice. Will 
 you liavor me with an air ? 
 
 L. Pen. Oh ! sir, you are so polite, that it's impossi* 
 ble— but I have none of your new playhouse songs— 1 can 
 <rive you one that nas made on myself by Laurence Lute* 
 string, a neighbor's son. 
 
 Car. What you please, madam. 
 L Pen, (dnp^ 
 
Act IJ 
 
 TASTE 
 
 11 
 
 As I was walking by the side of a river, 
 
 I met a youug damsel so charming and clever ; 
 
 Her voice to please it could Hot fail. 
 
 She sung like any nightingale. 
 
 Fal, de, rol ; hugh, hugh, &c. 
 Bless me ! I have such a congh ; but there are tones. 
 
 Car. Inimitable ones. 
 
 I/. Pen. But, mr. Carmine, you limners are all Inge* 
 nus men — you sing. 
 
 Car. A ballad, or so, madam; music is a sister-art; 
 and it would be a little unnatural not to cultivate an ac- 
 quaintance there. 
 
 L. Pen. Why, truly, we ought not to be ashamed of oujr 
 relations, unless they are poor ; and then you know 
 
 enter boy. 
 
 Boy. Alderman Pentweazel, and mr. Puff. 
 
 L. Pen. Oh, he was to call upon me ; we go to the 
 auction. Desire him to walk up—mr. Pentweazel, you 
 must know, went this morning to meet Caleb ray young* 
 est boy, at the bull and gate. The child has been two 
 years and three quarters at school, with dr. Jerk, near 
 Doncaster, and comes to-day by the York waggon : fcr it 
 has always been my mazum, mr. Carmine, to give my 
 children learning enough ; ibr, as the old saying is, 
 When house and land are gone and spent, 
 Then learning is most excellent. 
 
 Car. Your ladyship is quite right. Too much money 
 cannot be employed in so material an article. 
 
 L. Pen. Nay, the cost is but small ; but poor ten 
 poumls a-year, for head, back, books, bed, and belly ; 
 anci they say the children are all wonderful latiners, and 
 come up, lack-a-day, they come up iis fat as pigs. Oh, 
 here they are ; odds me ! he's a thumier. You see, mr. 
 Carmine, I breed no starvelings— come hither, child. 
 Mind your haviors. Where's your best bow ? turn out 
 jour toes. One would think he Iiaci ieann to dance of 
 0is father. I'm sure my family were non so awkward 
 —There was my brother George, a pfrt. . .i-ture of a 
 man : he danced, lud ! but come all in gcQa time— hol(^ 
 up thy head, Caleb. 
 
XI 
 
 TASTE 
 
 [Footfc 
 
 Aid. Prithee, sweet honey, let the child alone. His 
 master says he comes on wonderful in his learnins:; ; and 
 as to your bows and your congees, never fear, he'll learn 
 tliera last enough at home. 
 
 L. Pen, Lack-a-day i well said — we now — if he does, 
 i know who must teach him. Well, child, and dost re- 
 niember me ? hey ? who am I ? 
 
 Caleb. Anon ? 
 
 L. Pen. Dost know me ? 
 
 Caleb. Yes ; you be mother. 
 
 L. Pen. Nay, the boy had always a good memory* 
 And what hast learnt, Caleb, hey ? 
 
 Caleb. I be got into iEsop's fables, and can say all as 
 in presenti by heart. 
 
 L. Pen. Upon my word — that's more than ever thy 
 father could. 
 
 Aid. Nay, nay, no time has been lost ; I questioned 
 the lad as we came along ; I asked him himself 
 
 L. Pen. Well, well ; speak when you are spoken to, 
 mr. Alderman. How often must I — well, Caleb, and 
 hadst a good deal of company in the waggon, boy ? 
 
 Caleb. O la I powers of company, mother. There was 
 lord Gorman's fat cook, a blackamore drumming man, 
 two actor people, a recruiting Serjeant, a monkey, and L 
 
 L. Pen. Upon my word, a pretty parcel. 
 
 Caleb. Yes, indeed ; but the — the i'at cook got drunk 
 at Coventry, and so fell out at the tail of the waggon ; so 
 we left slie behind. The next day the serjeant ran away 
 with the showman's wife ; and t'other iwo went after ; 
 so only the monkey and I came to town together. 
 
 Car. Upon my word the young gentleman gives a good 
 account of his travels, 
 
 L. Pen. Ay, ay, mr. Carmine, he's all over the*blood 
 of the Griskins. 1 warrant the child will make his way. 
 Go, Caleb, go and look at them pretty paintings— now, 
 nir. Carmine, let us see if my good man can find me out. 
 
 Aid. Lack-a-day : well, I profess they are all so hand- 
 some, that I am puzzled to know which is thine, chuck*/ 
 
 Puff. I am surprised at your want of discernment, mr. 
 Alderman ; but the possession of a jewel destroys its value 
 Tvith the wearer : now to me it i^eems impossible tu 
 
Act f] 
 
 TASTE 
 
 13 
 
 err ; and though mr. Carmine is generally successful, in 
 tills instance he is particuJarly happy. Where can yon 
 meet with that mixture of fire and softness, but in the eyes 
 of lady Pentweazrl ? 
 
 L, Pen. Oh, sir ! 
 
 Puff. That clearness and delicacy of complexion, with 
 that flow of ruddiness and health. 
 
 L. Pen. Sir I sir ! sir ! 
 
 Puff. That fall of shoulders, turn of neck, set-on 
 head, full chest, taper waist, plump 
 
 L. Pen. Spare me, sweet sir ! you see, mr. Pentwea- 
 zel, other people can find out my charms, though you 
 overlook them — well, I profess, sir, you are a genthjuian 
 of great discernment : and, if business should bring you 
 into tlie city, for, alas ! what pleasure can bring a maa 
 of your refined taste there ! 
 
 Puff. Oh ! ma'am ! 
 
 L. Pen. I say, sir, if such an accident should happen, 
 and Blowbladder-street has any charms-- 
 
 Puff. Oh ! ma'am ! ma'am ! ma'am ! ma'am ! 
 
 L. Pen, It is not impossible but we may receive you, 
 though not equal to your merits 
 
 Puff. Ma'am! 
 
 L. Pen. Yet in such a manner as to show our sense of 
 them. Sir, I'm your yery obedient. 
 
 Puff. Your ladyship's most 
 
 L. Pen, Not a step. 
 
 Puff. Ma'am 
 
 L. Pen. Sii- — mr. Alderman, your bow to tlie gentle:- 
 man. The very finest. 
 
 Puff. Ma'am! 
 
 L. Pen. Sir — your most obedient. 
 
 Puff. Your deyoted. [exeunt alderman and wife 
 
 Car. Ha, ha ! well said. Puff. What a calamity hast 
 thou drawn upon the knight ! thou hast so tickled the 
 vanity of the harraaan, that the poor helpmate will expe*: 
 rience a double portion of her contempt. 
 
 ''Puff. Rot them. 
 
 ** Car. Come, PufF, a matii?Tionial assistant to a rich 
 " alderman is no contv mptil^l: employment. 
 
 '' Piff^ Ay, if it were a sinecure. 
 
14 
 
 TASTE 
 
 {Feole 
 
 '' Cax^ No, that you must not expect ; but unless I am 
 *• greatly mistaken in the language of the eyes, herlady- 
 '' ship-s were addressed to you with most persuasive ten- 
 ** derness. 
 
 " Puff, Well, of that hereafter—" but to our busi- 
 ness. The auction is about beginning ; and 1 have prom- 
 ised to meet mr. David Dusledorpe, sir Positive Bubble, 
 and lord Dupe, to examine the pictures, and fix on those 
 for Vr'hieh they are to bid — but since we have settled the 
 german plan ; so Varnish or Brash, must attend them. 
 
 Car. Oh I by all means pursue that. *' You have no 
 '* conception how dear tlie foreign accent is to your true 
 '' virtuoso ; it announces taste, knowledge, veracity, and 
 " in short, every thing — " but can you enough disguise 
 the turn of your face, and tone of your voice / a discov- 
 ery of mr. Puff, in mynheer Groningen, bhsts us at once. 
 
 Puff, Never fear me. I wish you may have equal 
 success in the part of Canto. 
 
 Car. Pho ! mine's a trifle. A man must have very 
 slender abilities indeed, who can't for ten minutes imi- 
 tate a language and deportment that he has been witness 
 to for ten years. 
 
 Puff. *' But you must get their tones, their tones ; ii^ 
 '' easy enough. Come, hand up here tJiat there Corregio ; 
 '^ an inimitable piece, gentlemen and ladies : the very 
 '* best work of the best master ; subject agreeable, high- 
 '' ly finished, and well preserved ; a seat for the ladies ; 
 '* hand it to sir Positive ; a going for fifty : speak, or it's 
 *' going for fifty ; joy to your ladysJiip : come, the next.'* 
 But, remember, let your bob be bushy anrl your bow low. 
 
 Car. Enough, enough ; we are strangers to each other, 
 you know. 
 
 Puff. Absolute, Oh ! but what pictures of yours aje 
 \\\ the sale ? 
 
 Car. There's my Holy Family, by Raphael ; the Mar- 
 riage in Cana, by Reuben Rouge ; Tom Jackson's Te- 
 niers ; and for busts, Taylor's head witliout a nose from 
 Herculaneum. 
 
 Puff. Are the antique seals come home ? 
 
 CGr. No ; but they wijl be finished by next week, 
 
Act Ifj TASTE 15 
 
 Ptiff. Yon must take care of Novice's coliecti(?n of 
 medals — he'll want them by the end of the month. 
 
 Car. The coins of the first emperors are now steeping 
 in copperas ; and I have an Otho, a Galba, a Nero, and 
 two Domitians. reeking from the dunghill. The rest we 
 can have from doctor Mummy ; a never-failing chap, 
 you know. 
 
 Puff. Adieu. 
 
 Car. Yours, sir. A troublesome fellow, this — confound- 
 ed memory— useful, though — rounds of beef and roasted 
 pigs ! must get rid of him — ay, but when ? why, when — - 
 when I have gained my point. But how, how then ? oH, 
 then it does not signily two-pence. 
 
 ES^D OF TRE FIRST ACT. 
 
 ACT II. 
 
 SCENE I — auction-room. 
 
 enter puff as monsieur baron de Gronmgen^ carmixe 
 as Caiito, and brush. 
 
 Car. Come, bustle, bustle. Brush, you introduce Puff. 
 Puf!', how are you in your german ? 
 
 Puff. T canno speak for Englandt, but I can mak un- 
 derstand very nughtily. Will that do ? 
 
 Brush. To a h.air. Remember you are come hither 
 to purchase pictures for the elector of Bavaria. Carmine, 
 you must clap lord Dupe's coat of arms on that half-length 
 of Erasmus ,• I have sold it him as his great-grandia- 
 ther's third brother for fifty gidneas. 
 
 Car. It shall be done — be it my province to establish 
 the baron's reputation as a connoisseur. Brush has seen 
 you abroad at the court of the reigning prince of Blantin. 
 
 Ptff. Yes ; I was do business mightily for prince Blan- 
 tin. 
 
 Brush. Your portraits go first, Carmine. Novice, sir 
 Positive Bubble, Jack Squander, lord Dupe, and Mor- 
 decai Lazarus the jew-broker^ have appointed me to ex- 
 
16 TASTE [Foote 
 
 amine wiib them the history-pieces. Which are most 
 likely to stick ? 
 
 Car, Here's a list. 
 
 Brush. Hush ! hide the Erasmus ; I hear the company 
 on the stairs. [eccit Carmine and re-enters unon 
 
 enter lord dupe, bubble, squander, &t. 
 
 L. Dupe. Mr. Brush, I am your devoted servant- 
 You have procured my ancestor. 
 
 Brush. It is in my possession, my lord ; and I have the 
 honor to assure your lordship, that tiie family-features 
 are very discernible ; and allowing for the difference of 
 dress, there's a strong likeness between you and your pre- 
 decessor. 
 
 L. Dupe. Sir, you have obliged me. All these you 
 have marked in the catalogue are originals ? 
 
 Brush. Undoubted. But, my lord, you need not de- 
 pend solely on my judgment : here's mynheer baron de 
 Groningen, who is come hither to survey, and purchase 
 for the elector of Bavaria ; an indisputable connoisseur : 
 his bidding w ill be a direction for your lordship. '* Tis 
 *' a thousand pities that any of these masters should quit 
 *' England. They w ere conducted hither at an immense 
 '" expense ; and if they now leave us, w hat w ill it be but a 
 ** public declaration, that all taste and liberal kno'svledge 
 ** is vanished from amongst us ? 
 
 L. Dupe. " Sir — leave the support of the national 
 ** credit to my care." Could you introduce me to myn- 
 heer ? does he speak english ? 
 
 Brush. Not fluently, but so as to be understood. Myn- 
 heer, lord Dupe — the partron of arts, the Petronius for 
 taste, and for well-timed generosity the Leo — and the 
 Maecenas — of the present age, desires to know you. 
 
 Puff. Sir, you honor me very mightily. I was hear 
 of lord Dupes in Hollandt. I was tell he was one dela- 
 tant, one curieuse, one pricieuse of his country. 
 
 L. Dupe. The dutch are an Obliging, civilized, well- 
 bred, " pretty" kind of people. But pray, sir, what oc- 
 casions us the honor of a visit from you ? 
 
 Puff. I was come to bid for paints for de elector n^^ 
 Bavarra. 
 
Act 11] 
 
 TASTE 
 
 ft 
 
 L. Dupe. Aretliere any here that deserve your atten- 
 tion ? 
 
 Puff. O, dare are good pieces ; but dare is one I like^ 
 mightily ; de off-sky, and honae track is tine, and de mais- 
 ter is in it. 
 
 L. Dupe. What is the subject ? 
 
 Puff. Dat I know not ; vat I minds, vat you call the 
 jdravvs and the colors. 
 
 jL. Dupe, Mr. Canto, what is the subject ? 
 
 Car. It is, my lord, st. Anthony of Padua exorcising 
 the devil out oi" a ram-cat : it has a companion some- 
 where — oh, here ! — which is the same saint in a wilder- 
 »ess, reading his breviary by the light of a glow-worm. 
 
 Brush. Invaluable pictures both ! and will match your 
 lordship's Corregio«in the saloon, 
 
 L. Dupe. Pll have them. What pictures are those, 
 nir. Canto ? 
 
 Car. They are not in the sale ; but I fancy I could 
 procure them ibr your lordship. 
 
 L. Dupe. This I presume, might have been a landskip ; 
 but the water, and the men, and the trees, and the dogs, 
 and the ducks, and the pigs, they are all obliterated, all 
 gone. 
 
 Brush. An indisputable mark of its antiquity ; its very 
 merit ; besides, a iittle varnish will fetch the figures again. 
 
 L. Dupe. Set it down for me— the next. 
 
 Car. That is a Moses in the bulrushes. The blended 
 joy and grief ia the figure of the sister in the comer, the 
 distress and anxiety of the mother here, and the beauty 
 and benevolence of Pharaoh's daughter, are circumstances 
 bappily imagined, and boldly expressed. 
 
 Brush. Lack-a-day. tis but a modern performance; 
 tfee master is alive and an englishman. 
 
 L. Dupe. Oh ! then I would not give it house room. 
 
 Puff. Here is a pretty piece I find stick up here in de 
 <i^rner : I was see in Ilollandt, at Loo, a piece mighty 
 like ; there was little mices, that was nibble, nibble, nib- 
 ble, upon vat you call trumage, and little shurels all vit 
 trush tails ran up de tiees ; an(i there was great tnuigs. 
 Tat yon call— pshaw, tliat have long hearts, and cry, ba. 
 
 >»nwA, What ! goats ? 
 G 
 
t8 TASTE [Foote 
 
 Ptijf^ Ayj dat was de name. 
 
 L. Dupe. I should think, by the cheese and the goats, 
 mynheer, yours was a welsh piece instead of a dutch. 
 
 Puff, Ah, twas good piece. I wish to my heart Ic^d 
 Dupes was have that piece. 
 
 enter novice. 
 
 JVov. Where's mr. Brush ? my dear Erusti, am I too 
 late? 
 
 Brush. In pretty good time. 
 
 Nov. May I loose my Otho, or be tumbled from my 
 phaeton the first time I jehup my sorrels, if I have not 
 raade more haste than a young surgeon to his first labor. 
 But the lots, the lots, my dear Brush, what are they ? I'm 
 upon the rack of impatience till I see them, and in a fever 
 of desire till I possess tiiem. 
 
 Brush. Mr. Canto, the gentleman would be glad to see 
 the busts, medals, and precious relics, of Greece and an- 
 cient Rome. 
 
 Car. Perhaps, sir, we may show him something of 
 greater antiquity — bring them for^vard — the first lot coq- 
 sists of a hand without an arm, the first joint of the fore- 
 finger gone, supposed to be a limb of the Apollo Delphos 
 — the second, half a foot, with the toes intire, of the Juno 
 Lucina — the third, the Caduceus of the Mercurius Infer* 
 nalis — the fourth, the half of a leg of the infant Hercules 
 —all indisputable antiques, and of the memphian marble* 
 
 Puff\ Let me see Juno's hall-foot. All the toes intire ? 
 
 Car. All, 
 
 Puff. Here is a little swelt by this toe, dat looks bad 
 proportion. 
 
 All. Hey, hey ! 
 
 Puff. What's dat? 
 
 Car. That ! pshaw ! that ! why, that's only a corn. 
 
 All. Oh! 
 
 Pitj}\ Com ! dat was extreme natural ; dat is fine ,* de 
 maister is in it. 
 
 All. Very fine, invaluable ! 
 
 Puff. AVhere is de Hercules' calf? upon ray word, tis 
 a very large calf; big. big, big, all de wfry up, all d!^ 
 wnv down. 
 
A«t 11] TASTfi 19 
 
 L. Dupe. I believe this HerciJles was an irishman. 
 
 Nov. But ^vhere are your busts ? here, here, gentle- 
 men, liere's a curiosity I a medal of Oriuna ; got tor me 
 by doctor Mummy ; the only one in the visible world ; 
 there may be some under ground. 
 
 L. Dupe. Fine indeed ! will you permit me to taste 
 it ! it has the relish, {all taste) 
 
 Nov. The relish ! zooks, it cost me a hundred guineas. 
 
 Pits'. By gar, it is a dear bit, though. 
 
 Nov. So you may think ; bat three times the money 
 should not purchase it. 
 
 L. Dupe. Pray, su, whose bust is it that dignifies this 
 coin ? 
 
 Nov. The empress Oriuna, my lord. 
 
 L. Dupe. And who, sir, migiit she be ? I dont recollect 
 to have heard of the lady beibre. 
 
 Nov. Siie, my lord ? oh, slie was a kind of what-d'ye- 
 call-em — a sort of a queen, or wife, or something or other, 
 to somebody that Xiwaa a damned while ago — Mummy 
 told me the wlK)Ie story; but, before gad, l*ve forgot it. 
 But come, the busts. 
 
 Car. Bring forivarvi iX\e head from Herculaneum. Now, 
 gentlemen, h^re is a jewel. 
 
 All. Ay, ay, let's see. 
 
 Car. Tis not intire, thoagh. 
 
 Nov. So mucii the better. 
 
 Car. Right, sir— the vf ry inutiUtious of this piece are 
 ^vorth ali tae most perfect p'jribnn inces ofmodera utists. 
 Now, gentlemen, here's a touchstone for your taste ! 
 
 All. Great ! great indeed ! 
 
 Nov. Great! amazing! divine ! oh, let me embrace 
 the dear dismembered bust \ a little farth^^r off. I'm rav- 
 ished ! I'm transported ! what an attitude ! but then the 
 locks ! how I adore the simplicity of t)ic ancients ! how 
 unlike the present, piggisli, crop-eared puppets ! how 
 gracefully tiiey fall all adown the cheek ! so decent and 
 so grave, and — who the devil do you think it is, Brush ? 
 is it a man or a woman ? 
 
 Car. The connoisseurs differ, Some vrill have it to be 
 the Jupiter Tonans of Phidias, and others the Venus of 
 Paphos from Praxiteles : but 1 dont think it herce enough 
 fpv the first, nor handsome enough for the la^. 
 
20 TASTE [Foote 
 
 Nov. Yes, handsome enough. 
 
 All. Very handsome ; handsome enough. 
 
 Car. Not quite — therefore 1 am inchned to jom with 
 signior Julio de Pampediilo, who, in a treatise dedicated 
 to the king ol" the two SiciHes, calls it the Serapis of the 
 eygptians ; and supposes it to have been fabricated about 
 eleven hundred and three years before the mosaic account 
 of the creation. 
 
 Nov. Prodigious ! and I dare swear true. 
 
 All. Oh ! true, very true. 
 
 Pvff. Upon my honor, tis a very fine bust ; but where 
 is de nose ? 
 
 Nov. The nose ; what care I for the nose ? where is 
 de nose ? why, sir, if it had a nose, I would not give six- 
 pence for it — how the devil should we distinguish the 
 works of the ancients, if they were perfect ? the nose, in- 
 deed ! why, I dont suppose now, but, barring the nose^ 
 Roubiliac could cut as good a head every whit — Brash, 
 who is this man with his nose '? the fellow siiould know 
 something of something too, for he speaks broken en- 
 glish. 
 
 Bn'ush. It is mynheer Groningen, a great connoisseur 
 in painting. 
 
 Nov. That m^y be ; but as to sculpture, I am his ve- 
 ry humble servant. A man must know damned little of 
 statuary, that dislikes a bust for want of a nose. 
 
 Car. Right, sir — the nose itself, without the head, nay> 
 in another's possession, would be an estate — but here are 
 behind, gentlemen and ladies, an equestrian statue of 
 Marcus Aurelius without the horse, and a complete 
 statue of the emperor Trajan with only the head and legs 
 missing ; both from Herculaneum. This way, gentle- 
 men and ladies. 
 
 enter lady pextweazel, alder31an% and caleb. 
 
 L. Pen. Now, mr. Pentweazel, let us have none of 
 your Blowbiadder breeding. Remember you are at the 
 €Ourt-f^nd of the town. This is a quality-auction. 
 
 Aid. Where of course nothing is sold that is useful — I 
 am tutored, sweet honey. 
 
 L. Pen. Cdtlrb, keep behind, and dont bejmeddling* 
 Sir (to BrushJ 
 
Act II] TASTE 21 
 
 Brush, Your pkasiire, ma'am ? 
 
 L. Pen, I should be glad you would inform me if there 
 are any lots of very fine old china. I find the quality 
 are grown infinitely fond of it ; and I am willing to show 
 the world that we in the city have taste. 
 
 Brush, Tis a laudable resolution, ma'am ; and I dare 
 say, mv. Canto can supply — bless me ! what's that ? 
 (Caleb throws down a chna-dish) 
 
 L. Pen, That boy, I sr.ppose ! well, if the mischiev- 
 ous brat has not broke a— and look how he stands — sir- 
 rah, sirrah, did I not bid you not meddle — leave sucking 
 your thumbs. What, I suppose you learnt that trick of 
 your friend the monkey in the v/aggon ? 
 
 Caleb. Indeed I did not go to ao it, mother. 
 
 Aid, Prithee, sweet honey, dont be so passionate.— 
 What's doiie can't be undone. The loss is not great ; 
 comie, come. 
 
 Brush. Mr. Alderman is in the right. The affair is a 
 trifle ; but a twenty guinea job. 
 
 L, Pen, Twenty guineas ! you should have twenty of 
 my teeth as • 
 
 Car, You mean if you had them. Your ladyship does 
 not know the value of that piece of china. It is the right 
 old japan of the pea-green kind. Lady Mandarin of- 
 fered me, if I could match it, tour-score guineas lor the 
 pair. 
 
 L. Dupe, A fine piece, indeed I 
 
 Pujf. Tis ver fine ! 
 
 Caleb, Indeed, father, I did not break it. Twas crack- 
 ed in the middle, and so fell a-two in my hand. 
 
 L, Pen, What ! was it cracked ? 
 
 Caleb. Yr-s, indeed, mother. 
 
 L. Pen. There, gc ntlemen ! 
 
 L, Dupe. Ma'am, I would willingly set you right in this 
 affair : you dont seem acquainted with these kind of 
 tilings ; therefore, I have the honor to tell you, that the 
 crack m the mid lie is a mark of its antiquity, and enhan- 
 ces it? value ; and these gentlemen are, I dare say, of 
 the same opinion. 
 
 All, Oh, intirely. 
 
 L. Pen. You are all of a gang, I think, A bTokeJ& 
 piece of china better than a whole one ! 
 
22 TASTE [Foote 
 
 L, Dupe. Ma'am, I never dispute with a lady ; but 
 this gentleman has tp.ste ; he is a ibr^ igner, and so can't 
 be thought prejudiced ; refer it to him : the day grows 
 late, and I want the auction to begin. 
 AM. Sweet honav, leave it to the gentleman. 
 L, Pen. Well, sir. 
 
 Puff. Madam, I lov9 to serve de lady. Tis a ver fine 
 piece of china. I was see such another piece sell at Am- 
 sterdam {'or a hundred ducats. Tis ver well worth twen- 
 ty guinea. 
 
 Caleb. Mother ! father ! never stir if that gentleman 
 ben't the same that we see'd at the painting-man's, that 
 was so zivil to mother : only he has got a black wig on, 
 and speaks outlandish. I'll be fur-enough if it en't a 
 May-gan>e. 
 
 L. Pen. Hey ! let me die but the boy's in the ^ighl^ 
 My dear, as Pm alive, mr. Fufi', that we saw at the lim- 
 ner's. I told you he was a more cleverer man than I 
 ever saw. Caleb is rignt ; some matter of merriment, I 
 warrant. 
 Puff. I wish it was. (aside) I no understand. 
 Car. So, mr. Puff, you are caught, (aside) 
 L. Dupe. This is a most unfortunate old lady. Ma'am, 
 you are here under another mistake. This is mynheer 
 
 baron de 
 
 L. Pen. Mynheer figs-end ! can't I believe my own 
 eyes ? what, do you think because we live in the city, we 
 can't see ? 
 
 Nov. Fire me, my lord, there may be more in this than 
 we can guess, it's worth examining into. Come, sir, if 
 you an mynheer, who the devil knows you ? 
 Puff. I was know mr. Canto mightily. 
 IVov. Mr. Canto, do you know this baron ? 
 Car. 1 see the dog will be detected, and now is my 
 time to be even with^him tor his rounds of beef and roast- 
 ing pigs, (aside) I can't say I ever saw the gentleman 
 before. 
 
 Nov. Oh, oh! 
 
 Zy. Dupe. The fellow is an impostor ; a palpable cheat. 
 Sir, I think you came from the Rhine ; pray, how should 
 you like walking into the Thames ? 
 
 Nov. Or, wlKit think you, my lord j the rascal com' 
 
Act II] TASTE 23 
 
 plained but now that the bust wanted a nose ; suppose 
 we were io supply the deficiency witii his ? 
 
 L, Dupe, But justice, mr. Novice. 
 
 Car. Great rascal, indeed, gentlemen ! if rogues of this 
 stamp get once a footing in tiiese assemblies, adieu to ail 
 moral honesty. I think an example should be made of 
 him. But, were I to advise, he is a properer subject for 
 the rabble to hajidlefthan the present company. 
 
 jilL Away with him. 
 
 Puff. Hands otf. If I must suffer, it shall not be sing- 
 ly- Here is the obsequious mr. Brush, and the very 
 courtly mr. Canto, shall be the partners of my distress. 
 Know then, we all are rogues, if the taking advantage 
 of the absurdities and follies of mankind can be called 
 roguery. I own I have been a cheat, and I glory in it. 
 But what point will you virtuosi, you connoisseurs, gain 
 by the detection ? will not ttie publishing of our crimes 
 trumpet forth your folly ? 
 
 L. Dupe. Matchless impudence ! 
 
 Puff. My noble lord here, the dilletanti, the curieu, 
 the precieu of this nation ! what infinite glory will he 
 acquire from this story, that the Leo, the Maecenas, the 
 Petronius, notwithstanding his exquisite taste, has been 
 drawn in to purchase, at an immense expense a cart-load 
 of— rubbish. 
 
 L. Dupe. Gentlemen and ladies — I have the honor 
 to take my leave. 
 
 Puff, Your lordship's mostoliedient — when shall I send 
 you your Corregio, your st. Anthony of Padua, your ram- 
 cat, my good lord ? 
 
 L. Dupe. Rascal ! [exit 
 
 Nov. This won't do, sir. Though my lord has not 
 vspirit enough, damn me if I quit you. 
 
 Puff. What, my sprightly squire ! pray favor me 
 with a sight of your Oriuna. It Ims the relish ; an indis° 
 putable antique ; being a Bristol farthing, coined by a 
 soap-boiler to pay his journeymen in the scarcity of cash, 
 and purchased for two-pence of a travelling tinker by, sir^ 
 your humble servant, Timothy PiifF. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Nov. My Oriuna a Bristol farthing ! 
 
 Puff. Most assuredly. 
 
 N9i\ rn be revenged, (going) 
 
mmmmmmnim 
 
 -'4 TASTE [Foote 
 
 Puff, Stay, stay, and take your bust, my sweet squire ; 
 your Serapis. Two heads they say are better than one ; 
 lay them together. But the locks ! how gracefuUy they 
 fall all adown ? so decent, and so — ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Nov. Confound you ! 
 
 Puff, Why, sir, if it had a nose, I would not give six- 
 pence for it. — Pray, how many years before the creation i 
 was it fabricated, squire ! 
 
 Nov. I shall live to see you hanged, you dog. [exit 
 
 Puff. Nay, but, squire ; ha, ha, ha ! now, madam, to ^ 
 your ladyship I come ; to w hose discernment, aided by^ 
 the sagacity of your son Caleb, I owe my discovery. 
 
 j4liL Look }ou, dout think to abuse my lady. I am 
 one of the 
 
 Puff. Quorum T know it, mr. Alderman ; but I 
 
 mean to serve your worship, by humbling a little tlie 
 vanity of your wife. 
 
 L. Pen. Come along, chuck. I'll not stay to hear the 
 rascality of the tellow. 
 
 Puff. Oh, my lady Pentrceasel, correct the severity of ' 
 that frown, lest you should have more of the Medusa thaa 
 the Medicis in your face. 
 
 L. Pen. Saucy jackanapes ! 
 
 Pvff. What, then, I have quite lost my city acquaint- 
 ance ; why, Pve promised all my friends tickets for my 
 lord mayor's ball, through your ladyship's interest. 
 
 L. Pen. ]\Ty interest, indeed, for such a 
 
 Puff. If Blov^bladder-street has any charms — sir — 
 ma'am — not a step — the finest gentiemau ! ha, ha, ha ! — • 
 and what can you say for yourself, you cowardly ill-look- 
 ing rascal ? (to Carmine) desert your friend at the first 
 pinch — your ally — your partner ! no apology, sir — I have 
 done with you. From poverty and shame I took you, W 
 that I restore you. ** Your crime be your punishment.''' 
 {turning to the audience) Could I be as secure from the 
 censure of this assembly, as I am safe from the resentment 
 of Dupe, Novice, Squander, from the alluring baits of 
 my amorous city lady, and the dangerous combmation of 
 ':3y false friend, I should be happy. 
 
 Tis from your sentence I expect my fAe ; 
 Your voice alone my triumph can complete. 
 
V>«««MMMnMH«« 
 
^>>^:vI'•■■/^r^v. 
 
 
.^ liliiiii 
 
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
 II I ||i|i!ll|l III III 
 
 "o"oi4 153 208A