Qass. 
 Book. 
 
PROTESTANT 
 
 CONVERTED TO CATHOLICITY 
 
 BIBLE AND PRAYER BOOK. 
 
 MRS. FANNY MARIA PITTAR. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA : 
 HENRY M'GRATH, No. 1 SOUTH EIGHTH STREET 
 
 1847. 
 

 ^ 
 
 King & Baird, Printers. 
 
DEDICATION. 
 
 TO THE RIGHT REV. DR. GILLIS, BISHOP OF 
 LIMYRA, COADJUTOR VICAR APOSTOLIC 
 OF THE EASTERN DISTRICT OF SCOTLAND. 
 
 My Dear Lord — From the circum- 
 stance of your having admitted me into 
 the Catholic Church, and having^been 
 a powerful instrument in leading me 
 into truth, I am induced to address to 
 your Lordship the following brief ac- 
 count of my conversion, as a little of- 
 fering of my gratitude — little indeed, 
 
nevertheless, watered with many tears, 
 and recommended to God by many 
 prayers. May I hope it will not only 
 be acceptable to yourself, but also 
 prove salutary to others. 
 
 You know, my dear Lord, the boon 
 I have received — you know something 
 of the burstings of my overjoyed soul, 
 but you cannot know (having inherited 
 your holy faith) the rapture, the bliss 
 of being converted and newly adopted 
 to this life-giving truth when the under- 
 standing is ripe, and capable in some 
 degree of appreciating the treasure. 
 St. Mary Magdalen could, perhaps, 
 describe it, or the Lepers who felt the 
 loathsome disease depart, as health 
 came back, but for me, my Lord, there 
 is no relief but to sit down and pen 
 
this little account, not so much with the 
 idea of making it public, as simply to 
 relieve myself, in the hope of its one 
 day becoming a medium of addressing 
 those I love best upon the subject, and 
 whose applications to me have been 
 made without number, to be informed 
 of the reasons, that led to my conver- 
 sion. 
 
 To neglect to reply to these inquiries 
 I dare not, and yet, a life would be 
 too short to answer them all as I 
 should wish. The account, however, 
 put in this form, will be a ready reply 
 to all; and oh! my Lord, feeble as 
 the effort is, you, who know the value 
 of even one soul, and the numbers 
 who, like myself, are inquiring for 
 truth, from a source whence they never 
 
can get it, will not chide me for simply 
 telling the truth, although by so doing 
 I am very well aware of the pain I 
 must inflict on your charitable heart, 
 at the unavoidable reference to some 
 characters therein alluded to. Yes, I 
 know you will be distressed at it, but 
 be assured, my Lord, we are mutual 
 sufferers on that point, for I am truly 
 distressed at it myself. But when, I 
 would ask your Lordship, is the ac- 
 ceptable offering without sacrifice? 
 Most truly I must calculate on con- 
 siderable sacrifice, but when such 
 thoughts depress me, I think of my 
 former danger, and of my narrow es- 
 cape. Only think, my Lord, had these 
 well-meaning but deceived gentlemen, 
 only dealt a little more cautiously, a 
 
little more reasonably with me, I might 
 have been lost to truth for ever. But 
 blessed be God, their dealings with 
 me, ended all my ramblings in the dark. 
 It might not be so, however, with 
 others. Shall I, therefore, to spare 
 those poor deluded men (towards whom 
 I feel nothing but gratitude) neglect 
 to warn others ? 
 
 My Lord, believe me, I have 
 mourned over the distance between us, 
 which prevented me having your par- 
 ticular advice upon this matter; but I 
 have thought it well over, and every 
 day I neglect "to throw in my mite," 
 by telling how I was led to truth, I 
 expect to be judged at every step I 
 take. Had I had you near me to cor- 
 rect and revise, truly this little work 
 
10 
 
 would have been a different affair ; but 
 perhaps, my Lord, it is better as it is. 
 I am nobody, and consequently there 
 is nobody to blame. You could not 
 have touched it, without your pen tell- 
 ing upon itself, whereas it is now un- 
 garnished truth, and when that will 
 fail to reach the heart, it can be set 
 down as beneath notice, which advan- 
 tage it would not have possessed, had 
 you meddled with it at all. Accept, 
 therefore, my dear Lord, this little 
 tribute from a heart overflowing with 
 gratitude, both to God as the first 
 great cause, and also to yourself, and 
 the other individuals, whom He used 
 as instruments to deliver me from 
 doubt and inconsistency, and safely 
 lodge me in His own most glorious 
 
11 
 
 Church, " without spot or wrinkle, or 
 any such thing," where truth speaks 
 for itself, and the peace of her children 
 knows no uneasiness. 
 
 Allow me, therefore, to implore your 
 Lordship's prayers and blessing upon 
 this narrative, and believe me in all 
 sincerity your Lordship's truly in- 
 debted and thankful child in Christ, 
 
 FANNY MARIA PITTAR. 
 Jpril, 1845. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 With the truest sincerity, humility, and 
 natural timidity, I take up my pen, to trace 
 for the first time in my life, liries that are to 
 meet the public eye. I have done my best 
 to argue myself out of such a project — I 
 have felt and urged upon myself my utter 
 inability for the task — I have left no method 
 untried by which I might frighten myself 
 out of it. My efforts are in vain. I feel 
 urged on by an influence I have no power 
 to control, and I feel utterly regardless of the 
 personal contempt and scorn, I may most 
 justly expose myself to from my attempt. 
 The effort must be made, let the result be 
 what it may ; not that I am regardless of 
 consequences, when I can and ought to 
 avoid them ; but my present effort I feel to 
 be of such vast importance, if I only suc- 
 ceed, so as to bear a message to one dear 
 2 
 
14 
 
 soul, that all nice feelings, all fears of per- 
 sonal inability, all doubts as to the results it 
 may produce, all, and every thing are to 
 be disregarded, and cast aside. 
 
 At once, therefore, I go to my task, keep- 
 ing in mind, as a stimulant, those most com- 
 forting words to me, who feel so completely 
 nothing : — " The foolish things of the world 
 hath God chosen, that He may confound 
 the wise ; and the weak things of the world 
 hath God chosen, that He may confound 
 the strong. And the base things of the 
 world, and the things that are contemptible, 
 hath God chosen, and things that are not, 
 that He might might bring to nought things 
 that are." It may not be forbidden me 
 here to hope, that He will not refuse me 
 His aid, in an effort that has nothing to 
 recommend it, but as far as it is intended, 
 for His greater glory, and the advancement 
 of His truth. Nor will it have ought to 
 boast of, save the simplicity, truth and sin- 
 cerity, which will dictate every line. With 
 the learned and great I have nothing to do, 
 but I do feel I have a message to every 
 
15 
 
 humble and sincere Protestant, who values 
 the salvation of his precious and immortal 
 soul ; and that message to the best of my 
 ability I will deliver. It is simply this — I 
 feel, that to many I owe a reason for having, 
 in the short space of one month, abjured 
 the faith in which I was reared and lived, 
 and lived not as many do, with only the 
 name of Christianity, and without any vital 
 principle within ; but upon the testimony of 
 others, which I have " in black and white," 
 I am able to say, I was a sincere Protestant, 
 believing I possessed the truth of God, or at 
 least that I was in the church where it was 
 to be found, having sought it earnestly and 
 with many tears ; caring for nothing else in 
 comparison, for at least the last twelve years 
 of my life. Persevering in the search of 
 truth, by the grace of God, I suddenly find 
 it lies, not where I had formerly conceived, 
 but in a church, which I had been taught 
 from my cradle to believe as the sink of all 
 iniquity, the concentration of all error and 
 untruth — even in this church I discover, that 
 the infallible truth of God lies — that truth 
 
16 
 
 which declares itself to be of God, and 
 leaves the soul that has been searching for 
 it so long and so earnestly, though not for 
 a moment conceiving where it was to be 
 found, so ravished with its beauty and its 
 security ', as to be almost unfit to declare it to 
 others, lest it should be said, as was of those 
 of old, when influenced by Divine power — 
 ■* Those men are full of new wine !" 
 
 The grace being given, I entered this faith, 
 which I had sought so long with my whole 
 heart, and in embracing it, I enjoy a peace 
 I never knew before ; a certainty I had in 
 vain striven to attain as a Protestant — daily 
 and hourly means of serving God, which no 
 Protestant need hope for, since his church 
 thinks one day out of seven sufficient to de- 
 vote to God, or at least to go to the trouble 
 of public service to Him — having all this, I 
 feel a burning desire to tell it to all — to every 
 one; and they can judge for themselves 
 from the reasons I shall give, whether or not 
 they be sufficient for the change. 
 
 To each and every beloved member of 
 my own family I address myself in particu- 
 
17 
 
 lar, as also to each individual of that Pro- 
 testant circle, to which but a short time since 
 I belonged ; yes, and even to every Protest- 
 ant, whose eye may fall on these lines, and 
 who is as I was, serving God to the best of 
 his ability, according to the rule of faith in- 
 herited from his parents, in sincerity desiring 
 to serve God as he requires even to the sa- 
 crifice of all selfish and worldly interest — 
 to such and for their sakes only do' I pen 
 these lines. 
 
 To many it may be my privilege to com- 
 municate, in person, the reasons of this 
 great change, but alas, to those who are 
 most endeared, and most closely connected, 
 I fear not ! The beloved child once honoured 
 with her parents' unlimited confidence and 
 love, has by this act forfeited all claim to 
 either ; she whose word and example were 
 once upheld, must now bear to be told she 
 is incapable of judging aright on any subject. 
 Well, be it so — all this and ten times more 
 1 can and will bear from such dear ones, 
 who after all are only pronouncing the very 
 words I should myself have uttered hitherto. 
 
18 
 
 But if the privilege of explaining to these 
 precious souls the reasons of my change be 
 denied me, it surely behoves me to try and 
 put them in a form by which I may hope 
 sooner or later to acquaint them of these 
 reasons. God deals differently with different 
 people, and why I have become a Catholic 
 may not be why another would so. The 
 following simple detail is therefore penned 
 only for those who may be circumstanced 
 as I myself was, without "either learning, 
 talent, or any uncommon share of brains, 
 (for had any of these been necessary to ferret 
 out truth from Catholicity, I should never 
 have been a Catholic,) but with only a suffi- 
 cient quantity of humility to feel it possible 
 I might be wrong, and a very earnest desire 
 to be right ; trusting to the truth of God's 
 promise, that those who seek shall find, and 
 feeling sure I should be right sooner or later 
 if I persevered to seek. I did so, and having 
 sought, I am at last able to say I have found, 
 yes, all that any one could desire — all that 
 my soul required ! Now, as I know there are 
 numbers, who care for nothing compared to 
 
19 
 
 the salvation of their soul, and who feel the 
 value of that rule of faith which teaches 
 them they are to search for truth; (thereby 
 implying the possibility that they may not 
 already possess it), and who therefore need 
 only to be told where truth is, that they 
 may instantly embrace it, to them my heart 
 yearns, and for them I will make the effort 
 of putting my reasons on paper. But should 
 these lines meet the eye of any learned Pro- 
 testant, who detects in them defects of style 
 or composition, let him cast them aside, as 
 utterly unworthy of his criticism, and spare 
 them, remembering they come only from a 
 woman, and were never meant to display 
 either talent or learning, but only to affect 
 the heart, in as far as they have truth to 
 support them. 
 
A PROTESTANT 
 
 CONVERTED TO CATHOLICITY 
 
 BY HER 
 
 BIBLE AND PRAYER BOOK. 
 
 Early in February, 1842, under the good 
 Providence of God, I left Dublin an humble 
 but zealous Protestant, to make a visit to a 
 lady, a friend of mine in Edinburgh (my 
 husband being in India). She and I had 
 met in India, where we held the same faith, 
 but by the power of Him, who willeth and 
 no man can hinder it, she was converted to 
 the Catholic faith, between our parting in 
 India the previous December, and our meet- 
 ing in Edinburgh. However, that had no- 
 thing to do with our friendship, except as it 
 might make her love me better. I had got 
 a slight inkling of her change previous to 
 
22 
 
 my going to her, though not certain infor- 
 mation, however, sufficient to arm myself 
 with all the weapons I could collect from 
 our Protestant armory — books pronounced 
 to be by a clerical friend " the cream" of 
 argument against Catholicity, together with 
 personal instructions on different points. 
 Thus assisted, I started, earnestly imploring 
 I might be made the humble instrument of 
 leading my friend back to truth, little think- 
 ing the prayer I offered so earnestly for 
 another's benefit, would be so graciously 
 returned into my own soul. A very short 
 time after my arrival, I endured the heart 
 sickening every Protestant feels on hearing, 
 for a certainty, that one of their own faith 
 had been converted to Catholicity. It im- 
 parts a sorrow that is as much without hope, 
 as that which one feels for the dead, at least 
 as regards the hope of seeing them back 
 again, where they were before. However, 
 I was not going to yield to despair, until I 
 had first exhausted the ammunition I had 
 in store. Besides the books I had bought, 
 I conceived I myself understood the doctrine 
 
23 
 
 of Catholicity ; at least I knew I had heard 
 enough of it to be perfectly satisfied it was 
 utterly horrible, and that to embrace it, one 
 must have entirely lost every proper feeling 
 of what was just and good. Besides, coming 
 from a Catholic city, as Dublin might almost 
 be called, I felt I could assert with boldness 
 all the abominations of this faith ; not that 
 1 had ever personally experienced or wit- 
 nessed any of its baneful results, or derived 
 my Catholic knowledge from Catholics—no, 
 but every one agreed that nothing could be 
 more horrible than the Catholic faith was, 
 and I thought so too. Moreover, I had read 
 dreadful things of it, and I thought of course, 
 what I read in print was true, {especially 
 as the author was some celebrated Pro- 
 testant), and so, I am certain, think the 
 great majority of Protestants every where. 
 But more just and liberal light has since 
 dawned upon me, as I pray God, it may 
 ere long on many, who need but the veil 
 taken from their eyes, the prejudices of their 
 early faith removed, the hint given that the 
 Catholic Church is the true Church of Christ, 
 
24 
 
 and the means of learning what the Catho- 
 lic faith really is, presented to them. This 
 done, the speediest means of bringing these 
 persons into this Church without delay, is 
 just to place in their hands for candid ex- 
 amination, their Bible and Prayer book, 
 and if you please, a few of what my friend 
 termed the cream of argument against Ca- 
 tholicity. The coolness with which Pro- 
 testants assert what Catholics believe, the 
 absurdities they put in their mouths, and 
 the splendid argument they get up, and tri- 
 umphantly get through against a phantom 
 that never existed — a creature of their own 
 creating, strikes at once an intellect in search 
 of truth, and does more to establish upon 
 the rock pf ages a wavering mind, than all 
 the talents ever heaped upon man could 
 accomplish. 
 
 But to continue — After giving a fortnight, 
 or so, to seeing the " lions" of the place, I 
 thought of the mission I had come upon, 
 and with anxiety looked for an opportunity 
 to address my friend upon the subject of the 
 change she had made in her religion. One 
 
25 
 
 by one I enumerated to her the horrible 
 doctrines of the Church of Rome. To each 
 one I received answer, that such and such 
 was not Catholic doctrine at all. This was 
 a course I never expected the affair to take, 
 and for which I confess I was quite unpre- 
 pared. I had thought she would have tried 
 to defend this and that doctrine ; but, 
 plumply to tell me, all I said and conceived 
 to be Catholic doctrine was utterly false, 
 startled me not a little. However, although 
 I did feel much puzzled, I took good care 
 she should not see I was so. I certainly did 
 feel either, that she was not yet initiated into 
 what really was Catholic doctrine, or else 
 that I had been grossly deceived from my 
 very cradle upon the subject. 
 
 Amongst the other " lions" of the city, I 
 was taken to hear and see the Rev. Mr. 
 
 C , of the Episcopal Church. He was 
 
 called a great preacher, and certainly gave 
 us a fine sermon. Next in order was Mr. 
 
 D , of the same establishment, noted for 
 
 his great piety and spirituality; then the 
 
 Rev. Dr. C h, a Presbyterian minister of 
 
 3 
 
26 
 
 great renown, and lastly, the Episcopalian 
 Bishop. Descanting on the merits of these 
 preachers, all of whom I found my friend 
 had heard, she timidly inquired whether I 
 would go and hear a sermon in her church. 
 Anxious to prove to her the stability of the 
 faith I held, and which she had forsaken, 
 and that it would by unshaken by anything 
 a Catholic priest could say, I readily as- 
 sented. Besides, I had visited Catholic 
 churches on the Continent, and knew of my 
 parents having conducted their children to 
 them, as things worthy of notice when tra- 
 velling, so that the idea of fear or hazarding 
 my faith by so doing, never entered my 
 head. The preacher, the Right Rev. Dr. 
 Gillis, chose for his subject a topic, which, 
 when he first announced it, filled my soul 
 with a feeling of triumph. I thought I 
 needed no better proof of the ungodliness 01 
 the Catholic Church. He commenced by 
 calling the attention of his congregation to 
 the Protestant Calendar, the Catholic Ca- 
 lendar, and the Infidel Calendar of France ! 
 He said as the index of a book showed what 
 
27 
 
 was contained therein, so a Calendar de- 
 clared the feelings and habits of the nation 
 or body to which it belonged. I shall for 
 briefness sake merely notice a few of his re- 
 marks on the Protestant and Catholic 
 Calendars, which he read out, and took for 
 example the month he was then in — 
 February. 
 
 PROTESTANT CALENDAR. 
 
 1 Fisheries north of Tweed 
 
 open, 
 
 2 Partridge and Pheasant 
 
 shooting ends, 
 
 3 Sexagesima Sunday, 
 
 4 Purification of the Blessed 
 
 Virgin, or Candlemas, 
 
 5 Dr. Cullen died, 1790, 
 
 6 Dr. Priestley died, 1804, 
 
 7 Bishop Keith born, 1781, 
 
 8 Mary Queen of Scots be- 
 
 headed, 1587. 
 
 9 Dr. J. Gregory died, 1733, 
 
 10 Quinquagesima Sunday, 
 
 11 Descartes died, 1615, 
 
 12 Shrove Tuesday, 
 
 13 Ash Wednesday, 
 
 14 St. Valentine, 
 
 15 Tweed Net and Rod Fish- 
 
 ery opens, 
 
 CATHOLIC CALENDAR. 
 
 1 St. Ignatius, 
 
 2 Purification of the B. 
 
 V. Mary, 
 
 3 St. Blase, 
 
 4 St. Andrew Corsini, 
 
 5 St. Agatha, 
 
 6 St. Dorothy, 
 
 7 St. Ronald, 
 
 8 St. John of Matha, 
 
 9 St. Appollonica, 
 
 10 St. Scholastica, 
 
 11 St. Raymond of Pena- 
 
 fort, 
 
 12 St. Catherine, 
 
 13 St. Benedict, 
 
 14 St. Valentine, 
 
 15 St. Faustinusof Tovita* 
 
28 
 
 CATHOLIC CALANDER. 
 
 16 St. Onessimus, 
 
 17 St. Fintan, 
 
 18 St. Simeon, 
 
 19 St. Barras, 
 
 20 St. Tyrannio, &c, 
 
 21 St. Severianus, 
 
 22 The Chair of St. Peter, 
 
 23 St. Serenus, 
 
 24 St. Mathias, 
 
 25 St. Tarasius, 
 
 26 St. Alexander, 
 
 27 St. Leander, 
 
 28 St. Proterius. 
 
 PROTESTANT CALANDER. 
 
 16 Melancthon born, 1497, 
 
 17 First Sunday in Lent, 
 
 18 Luther born, 
 
 19 Sun enters Pisces, 
 
 20 Rev. Charles Wolf died, 
 
 1823, 
 
 21 James I. assassinated, 
 
 1437, 
 
 22 Adam Ferguson died, 
 
 23 Duke of Cambridge born, 
 
 24 2d Sunday in Lent, 
 
 25 St. Mathias, Apostle, 
 
 26 Sir T. Craig died, 
 
 27 Dr. Aburthnot died, 
 
 28 Montaigue born. 
 
 From thence he proved the Protestant 
 nation had not their every day devoted to 
 God, but thought by heaping all their 
 devotion upon a Sunday, they served God 
 admirably. A few days certainly were 
 devoted to the honour of some saint or 
 holiday, but devoted to them only to 
 condemn them. For from what authority 
 or source could Protestants acknowledge 
 such things as saints' days ? They who hold 
 no rule of faith, but the Bible, could not 
 dream of a St. Valentine, or a Shrove 
 Tuesday, or an Ash Wednesday therein. 
 
29 
 
 "Do Protestants know/' he inquired, u why 
 or whence they hold these days ? No, 
 they either do not know, or knowing, they 
 dare not say, for it is from the Catholic 
 Church they received them, and to say so 
 would proclaim their inconsistency. For 
 instance, let any Protestant present, if such 
 there be," (and there was one to whom he 
 was, at the command of heaven, bearing a 
 message, . though he knew it not,) " let 
 him go and ask his clergyman what the 
 approaching Wednesday means (Ash Wed- 
 nesday). He will see it in his prayer book, 
 and in his calendar too, and the day after 
 he can from' the same source send Valen- 
 tines, or commence fishing in the Tweed 
 with nets or rods ; but will he see anything 
 of it in his churches, or hear anything from 
 his ministers to tell him, why the day is 
 so called ? No, he will not, because they 
 can only give him a Catholic reason. On 
 the contrary, every day in the Catholic 
 Church and calendar is devoted to some 
 holy recollection — the Catholic Church, 
 and it only, is open every day for devotion^ 
 3* 
 
30 
 
 and every day provides for the souls of the 
 people * daily bread V a means of offering 
 the first of each day to their Creator, and of 
 sanctifying their secular employments. The 
 pure Sacrifice and clean Oblation, declared 
 by Malachy i. 11, as a thing which should 
 be offered daily from the rising of the sun 
 to the going down of the same, even for 
 ever more, is daily offered from the Jlltars 
 of the Catholic Church, and it only." He 
 said much, very much more, that I am 
 utterly incapable of attempting to repeat, 
 and much that I then wished he had kept 
 to himself, and most truly did I regret that 
 all he said was so much to the purpose, 
 and so convincing of this one point, that 
 the religion of the Catholic Church taught 
 and influenced men from Sunday morning 
 to Saturday night. All this I heard with 
 very great astonishment, and all he said 
 was alarmingly and hatefully true. In fact, 
 such a powerful sermon I had never before 
 heard, and coming from a Catholic priest 
 or bishop, it made no matter which, I was 
 utterly puzzled, and when my friend in- 
 
31 
 
 quired what I thought of her preacher, I 
 knew not what to say. I wished from my 
 soul, that the man who could so metamor- 
 phose a lie into truth, had never been born, 
 or else that I had been born to know that 
 truth which I had always conceived a lie. 
 His subject, which commenced so anti- 
 christian, as I thought, closed with Christ 
 as its beginning and its end, its all in all. 
 I confess I was thoroughly bewildered. The 
 idea, that perfect truth could be in the Ca- 
 tholic Church, almost deprived me of the 
 power to proceed, and yet / felt the 
 preacher's words were true. However, I 
 had no idea of allowing either to my friend 
 or myself that I was in any measure con- 
 quered. It was very true he had had it all 
 his own way in the pulpit, and so far I was 
 bound to credit him right, till I had proved 
 him wrong. But I would do as he desired, 
 I would put the question he proposed to a 
 clergyman, and I felt no doubt his eloquence 
 and apparent truth would both vanish before 
 the answer I should get. For although, to 
 my shame, I could not give a satisfactory 
 
32 
 
 explanation of Ash Wednesday, still I would 
 go to one whose business and delight I felt 
 it would equally be, as a preacher of the 
 Protestant Church, to enlighten me. 
 
 Ash Wednesday soon came, I went to 
 hear Mr. D , celebrated alike for learn- 
 ing as piety, an Episcopalian, and altogether 
 the man for me. I listened, all anxiety, to 
 his sermon, hoping I should hear what 
 would enable me to silence my friend, with- 
 out any personal application being neces- 
 sary, and to prove to her she had made 
 a mistake, or at least her bishop had, in 
 supposing our clergy could not give them a 
 reason, and a good one too, for every thing 
 in their church. The sermon commenced 
 and ended, but not one word of or about 
 " Ash Wednesday." What was I to do ? I 
 was a total stranger to the preacher, and 
 still I felt this was no time to stand upon 
 ceremony. It was a matter of importance 
 to me to have the question answered, for 
 should what the Catholic bishop said of the 
 calendar be true, (which, of course, I could 
 not suppose possible, and still I could not 
 
33 
 
 shake off the impression it had left,) what 
 he said on other subjects might be so also, 
 and then *alas, for me ! I approached the 
 Rev. gentleman as he descended the pulpit 
 stairs, apologized for stopping him, but said 
 I was a stranger in Edinburgh, anxious to 
 have a question answered which had been 
 put to me by a Catholic : viz., what was the 
 exact meaning of Ash Wednesday ? and 
 that I was ashamed to say I had not been 
 able to give a proper answer. He took my 
 hand with the greatest kindness, and cheer- 
 ed me by the most friendly reception, and 
 said, looking me hard in the face, " you are 
 aware we Protestants have nothing to do 
 with ashes, or candles, or crosses, or any 
 such nonsense." Yes sir, I said, I know that. 
 u Well," he continued, " that being the case, 
 the day is more a name than anything else, 
 and indeed it should not be in the prayer 
 book, no more than Christmas day, which 
 ought to be called the Nativity of our Lord, 
 Such terms, Christmas day and Ash Wed- 
 nesday, and some others, were quite Catho- 
 lic, and spoke for themselves being so, and 
 
34 
 
 indeed such things needed reforming before 
 being placed in a reformed prayer book." 
 At these words my heart sank : all the 
 Catholic priest had said rushed into my 
 mind, and a horrid thought crossed me, and 
 forced itself upon me, that perhaps my 
 long-treasured faith was insecure. When 
 I could speak, I said, but sir, am I to say 
 what you have said to my friend ? " No, 
 no," said he, "just say that ashes are typi- 
 cal of humility, and therefore, the day is 
 called Ash Wednesday to remind us of the 
 time it ushers in, in which we are to hum- 
 ble ourselves by prayer and fasting" 
 Fasting sir ! said I, almost choking with 
 the feelings contending within me, if I say 
 " fasting," my friend will naturally triumph 
 over me again, for you know sir, we don't 
 fast. " That, my dear, is quite another 
 subject, therefore, say nothing of fasting," 
 (and looking at me very hard, and drawing 
 me quite close to him,) " you know, my child, 
 there are different meanings that can be 
 .attached to that word; and besides you 
 know many good Protestants do fast, but 
 
35 
 
 as your mind does not seem quite estab- 
 lished, I would advise you not to use the 
 ivord, but merely say, to humble ourselves 
 by prayer" And is that the answer, sir, 
 said I, scarcely able to articulate ! upon 
 which I raised my eyes, and at the same 
 time they met his, which were most anxious- 
 ly resting upon me, and with much alarm 
 in his look, he took hold of my two hands 
 and said, " may 1 urge upon you, a total 
 stranger, the ill effects of Catholic society. 
 Avoid it, do, for, believe me, you will get 
 no good, whatever harm you may from it." 
 We parted, my head full of confusion, and 
 my heart full of sadness. I tried to avoid 
 the subject with my friend, but she was too 
 anxious to impart some of the joy and peace 
 she herself had to me, so she instantly re- 
 quired to be enlightened. I gave the words 
 delivered to me, and to which she simply 
 replied, "and do you think that satisfac- 
 tory ?" No, I said, I do not ; and though at 
 this, I dare not disclose to her, or allow 
 myself for a moment to feel my faith was 
 not founded upon a rock, still I inwardly 
 
36 
 
 felt a great desire to know really what the 
 Catholic faith was, but I knew not how to 
 go about it. I commenced, however, by- 
 making attacks upon the different points of 
 her belief. 
 
 The first thing I inquired after, or rather 
 insisted upon was, that the Pope was con- 
 sidered by all Catholics individually in- 
 fallible, that he was called by Catholics 
 " God" and that every title given in scrip- 
 ture to Christ, was ascribed to him ; (this 
 idea I got out of one of the books I had 
 brought with me to convert my friend.) 
 To my astonishment she boldly declared 
 such, was not, nor ever had bee?i a doctrine 
 of the Catholic Church; no more is he 
 called or entitled God, than any nobleman 
 would be when addressed in Latin he is 
 styled " Bominus :" and so far from his 
 being considered impeccable he continually 
 humbles himself by falling upon his knees 
 to confess his sins to a poor monk, besides 
 which he can never offer up the sacrifice of 
 the Mass, without making a public confes- 
 sion of his sins, in the same manner as the 
 
37 
 
 humblest priest, by reciting the H. confiteor" 
 in the commencement of the Mass. 
 
 The next point I asserted with great de- 
 termination, because I remembered having 
 read a most convincing book founded upon 
 the very fact, (Father Clement,) and that 
 was, that to this hour the church forbids the 
 use of the Scriptures to the laity. Here 
 again I was baffled, she assured me no 
 such command or restriction was laid upon 
 Catholics, so far from it, proper translations 
 of the Bible were and are circulated by 
 order of the church, wherever people can 
 be found capable of reading them ; besides, 
 I knew her to have become, since her 
 conversion to Catholicity, quit^ a biblical 
 scholar. 
 
 My next attempt was aimed at confession. 
 I exclaimed with horror at a doctrine so re- 
 pugnant to human nature, as that of con- 
 fessing one's sins to a priest, and then to 
 complete the matter, of supposing he had 
 power after hearing to pardon. This I 
 knew was a Catholic doctrine, and Catholic 
 only; sol anticipated a glorious triumph, 
 4 
 
38 
 
 as far as this point went, and I was more 
 successful than on the two former subjects, 
 at least I was not told that what I was 
 stating was false ; but I question whether 
 my defeat was not more perfect. She al- 
 leged that confession and absolution were 
 not only Catholic doctrine by Scripture 
 warranted, but also the professed doctrine 
 of the Episcopal Church to which I be- 
 longed. For proof she referred to the Pro- 
 testant Prayer Book at the "visitation of 
 the sick," where it is enjoined upon the 
 minister, to move the sick person to confess 
 his sins, and then to absolve him. I opened 
 my prayer book, and found it even so ; and 
 I confessed I was puzzled, because I felt 
 certain if Christ had left power to his min- 
 isters to forgive sins at the hour of death, 
 they had the same power, at any other time. 
 I also felt, if it were good to confess one's 
 sins on a death-bed to a priest, "when a 
 man's sins leave him, not he his sins," how 
 much better, and infinitely more beneficial 
 it must be to humble oneself when in health 
 and strength, and liable to sin every mo- 
 
39 
 
 ment, to postponing it to a time, which may 
 never come. Besides, the obligation, when 
 in health and strength, must of 'necessity 
 have a great power to check sin, bring much 
 comfort to the soul, and powerfully assist to 
 leading a godly life. But I really knew not 
 what to make of it all ; I seemed to be but 
 awaking out of a deep sleep, the past being 
 like a dream compared to the reality dawn- 
 ing upon me. 
 
 I thought, however, I would make another 
 attempt, which I did by mocking the idola- 
 trous practice used in all ages of the church, 
 that of worshipping angels and the Blessed 
 Virgin Mary, as God, and therefore taking 
 from God's glory ; besides the absurdity of 
 supposing they could either hear our peti- 
 tions or grant them if they did. In answer 
 to this I was informed, that the church 
 had at no time, sanctioned the worship of 
 angels, or of the Blessed Virgin as God, and 
 that we know from Scripture they have the 
 power to benefit and succour us, el^e why 
 would Jacob (Genesis xlviii. 16,) call upon 
 an angel to bless the sons of Joseph ? or why 
 
40 
 
 did Joshue fall down to worship the angel ? 
 (Joshue v. 14, 15.) or why would our Sa- 
 viour himself have. said, (Matt, xviii. 10,) 
 "Take heed how ye despise these little 
 ones, for their angels are always before the 
 face of my Father in heaven ?" A Catholic, 
 therefore, feels it not inconsistent to seek 
 and implore their aid and assistance. Be- 
 sides, Protestants acknowledge the princi- 
 ple, but in practice deny it, as may be seen 
 in their prayer book, to the Collect in St. 
 Michael. More bewildered now than ever, 
 I knew not what to think either of what I 
 heard or what I saw ; I felt a strange mis- 
 giving, that I was being deceived by my 
 informants, and still my eyes beheld the 
 words in the Bible ; nor could I assign any 
 advantage it would give them to lead me 
 astray, for I could not suppose people of 
 common sense could hope to increase their 
 numbers, and extend their faith, by con- 
 cealing and. disguising the real doctrine 
 they professed. Besides, they did not seek 
 me, they offered no instruction, no inter- 
 ference until it was sought by me. I am 
 
41 
 
 not ashamed to say, that by this time I felt 
 desirous to inquire of better authority than 
 Protestants, what the Catholic faith really 
 was, as all I was now hearing seemed as 
 new to me, and as perfect, as if it came 
 straight from God. So feeling thus, I na- 
 turally determined to inquire of a priest 
 what the Catholic religion was, as I con- 
 sidered such the only authority I could de- 
 pend upon. 
 
 Just at this critical moment, by the direc- 
 tion of Providence, an old friend, the Rev. 
 Mr. H., arrived in Edinburgh. When I 
 inquired of him what brought him, he said 
 really he did not know, that he came on his 
 way from Dublin to London. Many may 
 wonder where the interference of Provi- 
 dence appears in this ; but I would ask such, 
 is Edinboro' the usual way of going from 
 Dublin to London ? besides which I have it 
 in writing from him, that he came only to 
 see ?ne, although we had only parted in 
 Dublin a very short time before, and when 
 there, although we were very intimate, still 
 weeks, nay months often passed without 
 4* 
 
42 
 
 our meeting, and neither of us were less 
 happy on that account; as also this addi- 
 tional fact, that although he came to go to 
 London, he did not do so, but returned to 
 Dublin, without being able to assign any 
 reason for not proceeding to London. 
 
 I now thought God had sent me one who 
 would fight my battles for me, and although 
 I expected he would have helped me differ- 
 ently, still it was not the less effectual. I 
 therefore handed him over to my friend to 
 prove to her she was all wrong, never sup- 
 posing for a moment her arguments would 
 stand before a clergyman. They had a good 
 deal of conversation upon many points of 
 controversy, but she finding he had ways of 
 leaving a subject when he was unable to de- 
 fend it, (which I too could not but perceive to 
 be the case,) requested he would see a priest, 
 who, she doubted not, would be his match, 
 and not let him turn from a subject just as he 
 feit he was conquered ; he very kindly said, 
 certainly he would see a priest, if he was 
 likely to do her any good by it, as he feared 
 no man with his Bible in his hand. 
 
43 
 
 I felt this was a critical moment for me, 
 for I determined by his defence I would 
 stand or fall, that is, if I saw he was able 
 to give a reason, against the Catholic argu- 
 ments for the faith he professed, I would 
 never think of Catholicity more, never yield 
 my proud Protestant faith ; but if he failed, 
 I held myself bound to search for that faith 
 which could stand any test, and which was 
 founded upon the rock. 
 
 While my friend went to seek a priest 
 who lived close by, I asked my clerical 
 friend, by way of a continuation of the 
 former conversation, conscientiously, where 
 he thought the soul of our Saviour went 
 while His body was in the grave ? to which 
 he replied, "certainly it went to limbo ;" 
 and where is limbo ? said I ; " oh,' ? says he, 
 "no one knows that, we do not even know 
 where heaven or hell is ; but " said lie, " I 
 have very peculiar views myself upon that 
 subject,-for I believe in a third state, but of 
 course I shall argue with the priest as if I 
 did not so believe, as it is common with 
 Protestants." 
 
44 
 
 The priest arrived, and the conversation 
 took place, but how did my soul sink to 
 witness the incapacity of my defender, as I 
 had hoped he would be. Unable to defend 
 his own faith, he could but attack the priest 
 with isolated texts of Scripture, not bearing 
 to my mind, the least upon the subject. He 
 lost his temper twice, and ended by a sen- 
 timent as unchristian as ungentlemanlike. 
 The priest, on the other hand, was almost 
 provokingly self-possessed and calm; he 
 seemed conscious of possessing truth, and 
 fearless for what he should advance. All he 
 said was to trie purpose. I could not shut 
 my eyes to the contrast, though I would 
 have given worlds to have been spared the 
 bitter trial I saw before me; for all that 
 presented itself to me was distress and be- 
 reavement, in the event of my becoming a 
 Catholic; yet, if it was the true faith, I 
 was determined to embrace it, and in the 
 strength of God meet all that was before 
 me. Without uttering a thought to human 
 being, I went to my room and knelt down 
 before God, and bound myself from that 
 
45 
 
 hour to learn what the Catholic faith really 
 was, after which I took a pen and wrote the 
 following, which my heart was bursting to 
 give vent to ; signing my name, as in the 
 presence of God. 
 
 " This day, there was held a conversation on con- 
 troversial subjects, between my friend, the Rev. Mr. 
 
 H , and the Catholic priest, the Rev. Mr. 
 
 R g, in my presence. Up to this day I was a 
 
 staunch Protestant ; 1 thought not but that I was a 
 child of Christ, after the true Scriptural sense, and 
 that from Scripture, I, or at least my minister, could 
 easily prove, that I belonged to Christ's Church, 
 held the doctrines He left, and in short followed 
 Scripture with such precision as would shame Cath- 
 olics, who professed to serve Christ, and still (as I 
 had always been led to believe) disregarded these 
 same Scriptures. 
 
 " The conference began ; my spiritual pastor, in- 
 stead of showing an established mind regarding the 
 sense of Scripture, was completely vanquished by 
 the priest in point of argument, acknowledged he 
 had peculiar views of Scripture, that perhaps, no 
 other man had ; whereas the priest, instead of disre- 
 garding or not knowing Scripture, was so thoroughly 
 acquainted with every line, and so established on 
 every point, that he seemed to advance it with the 
 simplicity, facility, and clearness of one, who spoke 
 
46 
 
 he truth in his mother tongue. My friend denied 
 once or twice he had said what I with my own ears 
 had heard him say ; he w T ould not assent to points, 
 nor could he from Scripture prove a nay to them. 
 Therefore, as a Protestant, before God, I dare not 
 but protest, the priest was clear, stuck to Scripture 
 in his arguments, and had to a perfect degree the 
 power of defeating his opponent from Scripture; 
 that he was calm, unruffled, and Christian-like; said 
 he came to speak truth, and that if he possessed it 
 not, if the Protestant would convince him that he 
 had truth, he would instantly become a Protestant; 
 whereas my friend was agitated, confused, and be- 
 wildered, and ended by saying: 'those are my 
 opinions ,• and I care not what any other man living 
 thinks /' Alas ! where was the care for the soul, 
 w r e should look for in Christ's minister, and which 
 I had hoped to find in mine 1 I blush to say, I saw 
 it in the despised Catholic priest. I saw the com- 
 posure of the conscious possessor of truth with him 
 — a willingness to yield to conviction, if it could be 
 produced : where it could not, a desire to convince. 
 I therefore hereby declare, if I were to be guided by 
 what I have this day heard, I should at once be- 
 come a Catholic; but I will not yield up my native 
 faith, because one of my Protestant ministers pro- 
 claims himself incapable of defending my cause ; 
 no, but from this moment I feel it binding upon me 
 to search the matter before God, and I pray, that, 
 if in being a Protestant, I am what God has revealed 
 
47 
 
 In Scripture we ought to be, if we wish to dwell 
 with him for ever, that He will strengthen me against 
 all argument, and against all endeavour to lead me 
 from what is pure and true ; but if the reviled and 
 despised Romanists be of the true church of Christ, 
 then I pray, oh, my God, that all my prejudices may 
 be overcome, that I may by the power and truth of 
 God be persuaded, that my darkness, (which I 
 thought was light) may be made manifest, and that 
 my mind and my heart may be established in the 
 way of truth, even to the loss of all most dear upon 
 earth — my own flesh and blood. Oh my husband 
 and children ! ! — but Christ be my all ! 
 
 FANNY MARIA PITTAR. 
 Feb. 10, 1842. 
 
 My mind being thus far relieved, I re- 
 turned to where my friend was sitting, de- 
 termining I would not allow him to know 
 or see by my manner the effect produced 
 within me. He was to leave Edinburgh 
 that night, and I thought, if after I had 
 made further search, I should find it neces- 
 sary to become a Catholic, it would be quite 
 time enough to tell him what he had done 
 for me. When about to leave me, his part- 
 ing words were, " now, I hope from what 
 
48 
 
 you have heard this morning, you see the 
 fallacy of these Catholic doctrines, and how 
 unsatisfactory the meeting was, therefore, 
 I beg that on no account you will ever go 
 again into a Catholic chapel, or talk upon 
 the subject again, as it cannot do you any 
 good." As I said before, for many reasons 
 I did not wish him to know he had been 
 the means of making me fear and tremble, 
 lest my own doctrines were fallacious, not 
 the Catholic ones; therefore, I simply re- 
 plied : Why not enter a chapel ? Surely, 
 the truth we hold, if founded upon a rock, 
 will only be strengthened, by hearing and 
 thus proving the errors of their creed. "Oh," 
 said he, " you must not seek for truth where 
 there is nothing but error." That, said I, I 
 shall know, and be able to judge of, when 
 I know what it is they do preach. We 
 parted. 
 
 I now felt most anxious to find out, not 
 what was not Catholic doctrine, (for that 
 seemed to be all the progress I had hitherto 
 made,) but what it really was on the autho- 
 rity of a priest ; for, although I was most 
 
49 
 
 desirous to be able conscientiously to say, I 
 thought them in error, still I had the can- 
 dour to acknowledge (and act accordingly) 
 that a priest, not a Protestant minister, was 
 the person to apply to for this information^; 
 as a greater mistake, nor a greater injustice 
 was never practised, than to condemn a 
 creed, or any thing else, on the testimony 
 of its adversaries. To discover the real be- 
 lief of Catholics, I therefore devoted much 
 of my time, and as I, each day, and hour, 
 gave myself to my Bible, I found I pro- 
 gressed more and more towards Catholicity. 
 In fact, from my own examination of Scrip- 
 ture, together with some little assistance 
 from other sources, I found, either that I 
 must act up to my conscience, and become 
 a Catholic, or yield to the troubles and trials 
 I saw before me, and deny my Lord, to the 
 eternal loss and misery of my precious im- 
 mortal soul. 
 
 At this stage of my advance to Catholi- 
 city, I felt it due to my parents to acquaint 
 them with what was passing in my mind, 
 indeed I might say, was established in it; 
 5 
 
for, as I shall afterwards show by references 
 to my Bible, I felt, that either I must become 
 a Catholic, or part for ever from that book, 
 which wets always dear to me, but now ten 
 times more so than ever. It may not be 
 amiss to copy the letter wrote to my be- 
 loved parents at this trying moment, when 
 I saw the awful necessity on me of, for the 
 first time, acting in open violation of their 
 wishes, and the fearful possibility of incur- 
 ring their displeasure, and perhaps, that also 
 of a most devoted husband. This commu- 
 nication may prove, at least, that I did not 
 lightly yield up my former opinions, but had 
 a most bitter struggle before doing so; for, 
 indeed, it was like tearing out my heart's 
 core to wound such parents as mine, espe- 
 cially in the matter of religion, where I knew 
 they considered me so firm. But I had the 
 comfort of knowing, if I should cause them 
 pain, it was in the only matter I could do 
 so, and still be blameless in the sight of God, 
 the only authority I acknowledged superior 
 to theirs, and therefore, I could not, if I 
 
31 
 
 would, but obey its call, to come into the 
 fulness of truth. 
 
 (COPY.) 
 
 Edinburgh, Feb. 20, — i2. 
 
 " My Beloved Parents, 
 
 "The search, I told you, in my last letter, I was 
 about to make, and which I dare not neglect or 
 postpone, has been made, and what is the result t 
 I find from proof beyond a doubt, and that from my 
 precious Protestant Bible, that the Catholic religion 
 not only looks most like Christ's religion and 
 Church, but actually is that Church. 
 
 " What then am I to do 1 You have ever, I trust, 
 found me a dutiful child, to the best of my ability 
 willing, nay, anxious to show you both that obedi- 
 ence you deserve ; in this step, therefore, I hope you 
 will still find me yielding, as far as I possibly can, 
 to your wishes. I must now appeal to your reason. 
 Have you not, on numberless occasions, applied to 
 me for advice, nay, even direction in temporal mat- 
 ters, nevertheless matters of importance to you, 
 proving thereby that you considered me capable of 
 some judgment and reason; and have I not, for the 
 best part of my life, manifested an earnestness and 
 sincerity for one thing more than all others, * reli- 
 gion,' which insured for me more or less respect 
 from you? Well then, I ask you candidly what has 
 come over me now ? Believe me, I am the very 
 
52 
 
 same in mind and body, as when I was with you, 
 save that God has opened my eyes to a wondrous 
 truth. Indeed I am not mad, nor^ more a fool than 
 when with you, but if you would not turn from one, 
 that is the same as risen from the dead, you would 
 at least hear me, before you condemn me. 
 
 M For many years, (as many as twelve, for I re- 
 member what first drew my thoughts to it,) I have 
 been earnestly desiring to find the God of the Bible, 
 that He would become my father, and all the bless- 
 ings He has promised His children become mine. 
 Well, I did seek Him, and sometimes very earnestly, 
 and with many tears, but I did not find Him. Some- 
 times I thought I had just attained a certainty, when 
 lo ! it was gone. I neither felt it was with me, 
 nor had I what is promised, and without which I 
 could not be happy. I kept my secret, and went to 
 India, every one supposing I was supported by a 
 power I felt I had not, and was further from it than 
 ever. There, where all around me was dead and 
 cold, I still felt the burning thirst for a sure and 
 certain Saviour. I never ceased to seek, still I did 
 not find. I knew I had as much of Christ as my 
 neighbours had, but I felt I had not as much of 
 Him as would satisfy me, and as I felt He was 
 willing to give us, when he said he would mani- 
 fest himself to those who sought him; therefore, I 
 did as Protestant ministers told me, and also as 
 Presbyterians directed, and so on, but no peace for 
 me. The voice at last sounded in my ears, how 
 
53 
 
 do you know you have sought him in the right re- 
 ligion ? I saw some hundred religions around me, 
 all differing widely, and yet all drawn from the 
 Bible. Now what was I to do? I took my Bible 
 in my hand and knelt down before God, and on 
 the truth of that word, I supplicated he would sooner 
 or later manifest himself to me, as he had promised 
 he would to those, who persevered in seeking. I 
 bound myself to pray, and to search the words of 
 scripture, till God should answer me, and show me 
 where the truth really was. I returned to England, 
 and soon after came to Edinburgh, (ever more dear 
 to me,) with Protestant books and Protestant argu- 
 ments to lead my friend, to whom I was going, from 
 darkness, (she being a Catholic) ; but lo! in defend- 
 ing my own faith, which I did as well, and better 
 than hundreds could do, I saw, that instead of 
 darkness, she had found that light, which will 
 shine more and more unto the perfect day. I re- 
 sisted for a time, but I can do so no longer. I see 
 what I have been so long in search of. I feel, at 
 last, all my prayers are answered. The truth is so 
 perfect that it manifests itself, and I am so full of 
 joy, I can but pray and praise. All that was dark 
 to me before in scripture, is now as clear as noon- 
 day. I have found the pearl of great price, I see 
 its beauty, I experience its value, and I reckon it 
 will pay me for all I may have to suffer. Indeed, 
 you might as well expect a man starving with 
 hunger, seated before a banquet richly spread, to 
 5* 
 
54 
 
 refrain from eating, lest possibly the food might not 
 satisfy him. I see the marks, Christ said should 
 follow his people and church, in Catholicity and in 
 Catholicity alone, although it is ' despised, a very 
 scorn to all men f for as He was called Beelzebub, 
 how much more they. These marks are with none 
 but Catholics. Protestants are respected every 
 where they go, particularly their clergy, and they 
 are unanimous in but one thing, abuse of Catholics 
 and their priests. This then cannot be a mark from 
 Christ to them. 
 
 u Now, my dear parents, this treasure, I have 
 found, fills my soul with such rapture, such grati- 
 tude, and such peace, that I can but think of you 
 all, and wish and pray, and pray and wish you 
 may each of you yet possess it. I will now tell 
 you what I have determined to do previous to 
 becoming a Catholic, for the satisfaction of your 
 minds, and to prove to you, upon what, I have 
 changed, and also my submission to you. I will 
 go to the Protestant bishop of this place, and have 
 Protestants present to judge, and if he can satisfy 
 my mind, and shake my new faith, then I will 
 never take that so much dreaded name; but to me 
 it is even now inexpressibly dear, inasmuch as it 
 bears my Saviour's mark, turn and examine it as I 
 will. 
 
 *' I have three things to ask you in justice to 
 grant me; first, do not condemn me until you have 
 heard me ; secondly, from this time until I see you, 
 
55 
 
 cease not to pray, that God will strengthen and 
 defend you against all I may say, if it be not truth, 
 But if it be truth, that he will open your eyes, touch 
 your hearts, and overcome your scruples, so as to 
 enable you to take that, which, though it may 
 bring down scorn and reproach on your names, will, 
 nevertheless, hereafter lead you to eternal life ; then, 
 thirdly, do not by word or deed seek to separate 
 what God hath joined together, leave it to me to 
 tell my husband of this change. Let no one speak 
 to him of it. The God I have trusted so long, and 
 at last found, will take me through deep waters ; I 
 am not afraid, I have cast up my account, and the 
 balance is on my side. With many prayers my 
 best of parents, I commit you with your other chil- 
 dren to God. 
 
 14 1 must just mention to you, the occasion on 
 which I first yielded to God's grace, and determined 
 to seek for myself, and discover what the Catholic 
 faith really was. It was on hearing a discussion 
 between a Protestant clergyman, and a Catholic 
 priest, who ought both have known their own 
 faiths, and that upon which they rested; but alas ! 
 for me, but one could give a reason from scripture. 
 The point discussed was their separate rules of 
 faith. The one, I saw, neither knew his Bible, nor 
 could he defend his faith from scripture. He lost 
 ^his temper twice, and when by the simplicity of 
 truth, and the words of scripture, he was uncon- 
 sciously brought to a Catholic principle, he got off 
 
56 
 
 by saying, ' these are my opinions sir, and I care not 
 what any one else thinks!' This from a disciple 
 Of Christ, one who is to teach Christ's flock, and 
 to strive in prayer for their precious souls ! oh, I 
 dare not longer resist, my hour was come. On the 
 other hand, the priest was composed, unruffled, in 
 the conscious possession of truth, and to this un- 
 christianlike remark he mildly said, 'then sir, if 
 you do not care for my soul, I care for yours, and 
 if I cannot persuade you, do you try and persuade 
 me, and I shall at once become a Protestant.' In 
 short, all he said was to the purpose, and with that, 
 he was humble and christianlike ; so that I, who 
 felt my precious soul depending on their words, 
 finding my native faith as unstable as he, who 
 offered to defend it, submitted to God. I would 
 also mention, that my clerical friend (and hitherto 
 defender of my soul) having left Edinburgh, in a 
 letter urges me to fly from this religion, not because 
 he can prove it false, but because — why? I really 
 blush to write it, — because of my husband, my chil- 
 dren, and my friends. How strange, when these 
 are the very causes which urge me on. If I might 
 hesitate about myself, when I think of these souls 
 so inexpressibly dear to me, I could not, if I would, 
 disregard the call. Besides, the Saviour I have 
 found, expressly tells me, I must leave all, even 
 these, for His sake, if called to do it, and, by the 
 grace of God, I will do it, notwithstanding this 
 appeal on my weakest point. With many tears 
 
57 
 
 and prayers for you all, believe me your affectionate 
 child, 
 
 FANNY MARIA PITTAR." 
 
 I shall now give a copy of my partial 
 search of my Bible — partial it can but be, 
 when I could only devote three or four days 
 to it, and I find thai every time I open my 
 Bible, I have to add text upon text. My 
 first object of search was for the Church, 
 and what the marks were, by which it was 
 to be discovered. The Catholic Church de- 
 clared itself to be that church, and to be 
 known to be such by its being one, Holy 
 Church, Apostolic, and Infallible. I deter- 
 mined to see how far these marks were sup- 
 ported by scripture, and as far as I found 
 them so, to respect them. 
 
 THE CHURCH. 
 
 Christ left a Church, and it was to be. 
 
 One. — Isaiah xxxv. 8, liv. 17, lx. 11, 12; Ezekiel 
 xxxvii. 24, 26 ; Matt. xvi. 18, xviii. 17 ; John x. 
 16 ; Acts ii. 47, v. 11, viii. I, xi. 26, xii. 5, xiv. 
 27, xv. 22, xviii. 22 ; Romans xvii. 4, 5 ; 1st 
 
Corinthians iv. 17 ; Coll. i. 18, 24 ; Ephesians i. 
 22, iv. 5, 13, 14, v. 25. 
 
 Holy.-*- Isaiah xxxv. 8, liv. 17; Malachi i. 11 ; 
 Eph. v. 26, 27; Col. i. 18,24. 
 
 Catholic. — Isaiah ii. 2, ix. 7 : Daniel ii. 44 ; 
 Malachi i. 11; Matt, xviii. 17, xxiii. 20; Acts 
 vii. 38 ; 1 Cor. i. 2 ; Ephesians iii. 2, 11, v. 32 ; 
 Col. i. 17,24; 1 Peter v. 13. 
 
 Apostolic. — Matt, xviii. 17, xxviii. 12, 20 ; Luke 
 x. 2, 3, 16, xxii. 31, 32; John xv. 16, xvii. 18, 
 19, 20, 21, 22, 23; xx. 21, 23; Acts xv. 4 ; 1 
 Cor. xii. 28 ; Eph. iv, 11. 12, 13, 14; Heb. xiii. 
 17 ; 1 John iv. 6. 
 
 Infallible.— Isaiah ii. 2, xxxv. 8, xl. 8, liv. 15, 17, 
 lix. 21. Ix. 12; Ezekiel xxxvii. 26; Daniel ii. 
 44 ; Mich. iv. 7 ; Matt. xvi. 18, xxviii. 20; Mark 
 xvi. 17 ; John xvi. 16, 17, 18, 26 ; Acts xix. 12 ; 
 1 Cor. xii. 28; Col. i. 16, 18, 24; Eph. i. 20, 
 21 ; iii. 9, 10, v. 24, 29 ; 1 Tim. iii. 15. 
 
 Having proved the points above stated so 
 far scriptural, my desire naturally extended 
 next to all the doctrines of that church, 
 which must surely be good and wholesome, 
 if they emanated from the church, upon 
 which the finger of God is so incontestably 
 stamped, I shall take them in the order they 
 struck myself, which is, first, the 
 
59 
 
 Trinity, — Gen. xviii. 2, 3, 4; Matt, xxviii. 19; 2. 
 Cor. xiii, 14 ; 1 John v. 7. 
 
 Pope, or Chief Bishop. — Matt. x. 2, 3, xvi. 18; 
 Lukexxii. 31, 32; John xxi. 15, 16, 17; Acts i. 
 13, 15; xv. 7,8, 9, 10, 11, 12. 
 
 Holy Orders. — Luke xxii. 19 ; John xx. 21, 22 
 23 ; Acts vi. 5, 6, 7 ; xiii. 2, 3, 4 ; 1 Tim. iv. 
 14. 
 
 Tradition. — (Apostolic.) Dent, xxxii. 7; Matt. 
 xxviii. 20; Luke x. 16 ; John x. 16 ; xvii. 18 ; 
 Acts xv. 17; xx. 28 ; 1 Cor. xi. 2; 2 Thes. ii. 
 15;iii. 6; 2 Tim. i. 13, 14; ii. 2, 
 
 Scriptures. — (Not out sole rule of faith.) Matt, 
 xviii. 17 ; Acts xx. 28 ; xxvi. 23 ; 1 Cor. i. 10 ; 
 vi. 17; 2 Thes. ii. 16; iii. 6 ; 2 Peter iii. 6 ; i. 
 20; 2 Tim. i. 13, 14. 
 
 Baptism. — Matt. iii. 6; xxviii. 19 ; Mark xvi. 16; 
 John iii. 5 ; Acts vii. 36, 37, 38 ; (and faith 
 one) Mark xvi. 16; Acts xiii. 48; Gal. v. 6; 
 Eph. iv. 5 ; Heb. xi. 6 ; James ii. 14, 17. 
 
 Confirmation. — Acts xix. 6 ; John xx. 22 ; 2 Cor. i. 
 22 ; Heb. vi. 2. 
 
 Abstinence. — Gen. ii. 17; Exodus xii. 15; Lev, xi. 
 1 } 8 ; Daniel i. 8, x. 2, 3, 12 ; Acts xv. 28, 29. 
 
 Fasting. — Joel ii. 2, 13, 15 ; Daniel x. 2, 3, 12; 
 Jonah Hi. 5, 6, 7, 10; Matt. iv. 2, ix. 15; Mark 
 
60 
 
 . ii. 20, ix. 27, 28, 29 ; Luke v. 35; Acts xiii. 2, 
 3, xiv. 23 ; 2 Cor. vi. 5, xi. 27. 
 Confession. — Numbers v. 5, 6, 7; Matt. iii. 5, 6, 
 xviii. 18 ; John xx. 22, 23 ; Acts xix. 18 ; James 
 v. 16; 1 John i. 8, 9. 
 
 Absolution. — Matt, ix, 6, xvi. 18, 19; John xx. 
 
 21,22, 23; 2 Cor. ii. 10. 
 Councils. — (of the Church assisted by God.) Matt. 
 
 xviii. 20 ; Acts xv. 28, 41. 
 
 Eucharist. — Matt. xxvi. 26, 27, 28 ; Mark xiv. 
 
 22, 24 ; Luke xxii. 19 ; John vi. 27, 32, 49, 50, 
 
 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 60 ; 1 Cor. x. 16, xi. 
 
 26, 27, 28, 29 ; 2 Peter i. 4 ; Eph. v. 30 ; Col. i. 
 
 26, 27. 
 Free Will.— Gen. iii. 9; Deut. xxx. 19 ; Prov. i. 
 
 24, 25 ; Isaiah v. 4 ; Ezekiel xviii. 31, 32 ; Matt. 
 
 xxiii. 37; Luke xiii. 34 ; Acts vii. 51 ; Heb. xii. 
 
 15 ; 2 Peter iii. 9 ; Rev. iii. 20. 
 
 Purgatory. — Isaiah xlix. 9, lxi. 1 ; Matt. v. 25, 
 26, xii. 32, 36 ; 1 Cor. iii. 13, 14, 15 ; Eph. iv. 8. 
 
 To pray for the dead is said to be a good and a 
 wholesome thought in 2 Maccabees xii. 43, 46 : 
 This portion of Scripture, though not in all Pro- 
 testant bibles, is nevertheless in some, and in all 
 Catholic ones, so that we cannot but respect it ; — 
 besides, we all know it was and is a custom with 
 the Jews to pray for their dead, and as our Lord 
 
61 
 
 taught so often in their synagogues, what they 
 were to do, and from what to refrain, we cannot 
 but suppose He would surely have prohibited this 
 practice, had it been either sinful or useless. 
 
 Hell, (its torments eternal). — Isaiah xxxiii. 14; 
 Mark ix.42, 43, 44; Rev. xx. 9. 10. 
 
 Extreme Unction. — James v. 14, 15 ; Mark vi. 13. 
 
 Sin, (Original). — Psalms li. 5 : Rom. v. 12 ; Eph. 
 
 ii. 3. 
 Mass, (Prefigured by Melchisidech.) — Gen. xiv. 
 
 18, 19, 20 : Heb. v. 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, vii. 3, 15, 17, 
 
 ix. 15, xiii. 10 ; Malachi i. 10, 11 ; Luke xxii. 19, 
 
 20 : 1 Cor. x. 16. 
 
 Indulgences, the power granted by Jesus to St. 
 Peter and his successors. — Matt. xvi. 17, 18, 19 ; 
 John xx. 21, 22, 23 ; 2 Cor. ii. 8, 10. 
 
 Images, are sanctioned, nay, commanded of God. — 
 Exodus xxv, 18, 19; Num. xxi. 8, 9 ; 1 Kings vi. 
 23, 32. Relative honour to be paid them, author- 
 ized, 2 Samuel xi. 12, 14, 15 ; Philips, ii. 9, 10. 
 
 Angels have charge over us. — Gen. xlviii. 16 ; 
 their aid to be sought, Exodus xxiii. 21, 22, 23; 
 Zach. i. 12; Joshue v. 14, 15, 16; Matt, xviii. 
 10; Luke xv. 10 ; Heb. i. 14; Rev. i. 4, viii. 3. 
 
 Saints, departed equal to angels. — Matt. xxii. 30; 
 Mark xii. 25 ; Luke xvi. 9, xx. 36, xv. 10 ; 1 
 Cor. xiii. 12; Acts xii. 7; 1 John iii. 2; Rev. 
 6 
 
62 
 
 ii. 26, v. 8 ; for invocation, 1 Kings vii. 8, 9, 10 ; 
 Rom. xv. 30 ; Heb. xiii. 18; James v. 16, Relics. 
 
 Relics. 2 Kings xii. 20, 21 : Matt. ix. 20, 21, 22; 
 Acts v. 15, 16, xix. 11, 12. Blessed Virgin the 
 Mother of God. — Isaiah ix. 6 ; Matt. i. 23 ; Luke 
 i. 35, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49. 
 
 Continency both possible and profitable. — Deut. xxiii. 
 
 21; Matt. xix. 11, 12; 1 Cor. vii. 7, 8, 2, 32, 
 
 33; 1 Tim. v. 11, 12. 
 Convents, sanctioned and recommended by scripture. 
 
 — Matt. xix. 21, 27, 29 ; Luke xiv. 33 ; 1 Cor. 
 
 vii. 34, 35, 37,38,40. 
 
 Works, good woiks meritorious. — Gen. iv. 6, 7 ; 
 xxii. 16, 17, 18 ; Psalm xviii. 20, xix. 11 ; Matt, 
 v. 11, 12, x. 42, xvi. xxvii ; Rom. ii. 6, iv. 5 ; 
 1. Cor. iii. 8 ; 2 Tim. iv. 8. 
 
 Just at this time, letters came pouring in 
 upon me from those of my friends, who 
 knew, either from myself or others, the state 
 of my mind, to beg and intreat of me to read 
 my Bible, and to humble myself, as pride 
 was the cause of my fall. All this I did 
 as they recommended. As far as regards 
 Scripture, the proof lies before me ; to which 
 I did not fail to add, the most earnest prayer 
 my soul could offer up, that I might be 
 
63 
 
 strengthened against Catholicity if it were 
 false. As I said before, I have given proof I 
 did not neglect my Bible in my distress; but 
 what did I find there ? Catholicity in every 
 line. Where was I, or where were my 
 senses, when as a Protestant, I had read 
 over and over again, all those passages, 
 without seeing any thing in them to raise a 
 doubt in my mind ? I shook myself as one 
 awaking out of a deep sleep, so deep, it had 
 well nigh ended in death. This very some- 
 thing that had passed over myself in the 
 short space of four or five days, prepared 
 me for greater things, although I could not 
 tell what it was, or how it had been effected ; 
 still that there was a change I was certain. 
 I could no more account how it had been 
 wrought, than the man, who was questioned 
 how he came to see, having been born blind. 
 His reply was what mine must be, " I can- 
 not tell, I only know that whereas I was 
 born blind, I now see." I cannot tell, in- 
 deed, how it is, that I now see in my Bible, 
 which I have read hundreds of times, and 
 studied hard, what I never saw before. The 
 
64 
 
 substance truly is changed, though the ap- 
 pearance remains the same. I cannot think 
 my Bible has been interlined with Catholic 
 doctrines,by wily priests, as they are called ; 
 that I know to be impossible, for the book 
 has never been out of my possession ; but 
 even if it had, its unaltered appearance must 
 prove, that man had nothing to do with it. 
 The ability thus to change the substance 
 while the appearance remains the same, I 
 am forced to trace to a Divine power, who 
 has thus graciously prepared a way in my 
 heart for the reception of another and a 
 more blessed belief, even that of the most 
 Holy Eucharist. Yes, I do believe, the sub- 
 stance I receive is the very Body and Blood 
 of my crucified Lord. I believe it, simply 
 because He says it, and because I feel in 
 myself the effects of such heavenly food. 
 When my Saviour says, " This is my 
 body," and " This is my blood," and "ex- 
 cept ye eat of my body and drink my bloody 
 ye can have no life in you." And again, 
 " he that eateth me> even he shall live by 
 me." I believe — I cannot help it — Christ 
 
65 
 
 came to save us, and give us life, and if we 
 cannot have life, unless we eat Him, then 
 He died in vain, unless we can get him to 
 cat, or else he spoke not truth, which is 
 blasphemy, to suppose, when He said we 
 could not have life unless we eat Him. 
 John vi. 53. What then am I, a Bible 
 reader, to do, when such passages as these 
 stare me in the face ? Also 1 Cor. xi. 29. 
 St. Paul speaking of communicating un- 
 worthily, says " we eat damnation to our- 
 selves not discerning the body of the Lord." 
 What then am I to do ? Certainly to seek 
 where I can get that blessed body — and 
 where is that ? No where, but in the Catho- 
 lic Church. Besides, must I not argue from 
 the above, that if there be no body, as Pro- 
 testants say, then St. Paul must have been 
 wrong ; or if he is right then the others 
 must be wrong, and, I suppose, as I am a 
 Protestant, and born to the happy privilege 
 of judging for myself, I may bring in which 
 I choose, as the erring party. Again, can it 
 be possible, that God, who is so merciful and 
 just, would damn us, for not discerning what 
 6* 
 
66 
 
 is not there to be discerned ? Oh no, no. 
 The Jews said to our Lord, but how can it 
 be ? and so says the Protestant ; but does 
 our Lord answer their how, and clear up 
 their doubts and difficulties, as he was ever 
 wont to do, where the case would admit of 
 it, as in the case where he declared, that to 
 enter the kingdom of Heaven, we must be 
 born again. Nicodemus said, but Lord how 
 can this be ? John in. iv. Jesus instantly 
 explained that he did not mean literally that 
 a man was to enter his mother's womb, and 
 be born a second time, but that he was to 
 be born of water and the spirit. But in this 
 case our Lord answers their how by increas- 
 ing the difficulty. He simply says, " except 
 ye eat me, ye shall have no life in you" 
 and when they said " this is a hard saying" 
 he said doth this offend you? — how much 
 more difficult will it be to believe what I 
 have said, when ye see my body ascend 
 with me to where I was before, and still, if 
 you do not believe it, ye have no life in 
 you." Yes I do believe it, (blessed be God) ; 
 1 believe, that He who made all things out 
 
67 
 
 of nothing, can make himself present when 
 and where he pleases. To a Protestant 
 and a Jew who have not faith, it is indeed 
 a hard saying, to me, though I feel most 
 unworthy of having been brought to the 
 true and real faith of Christ, it is life and 
 peace. A Protestant clergyman said to me, 
 " and is it possible you have fallen so far in 
 so short a time, as to believe a doctrine not 
 only blasphemous, but so thoroughly con- 
 trary to human reason ?" It is not impos- 
 sible, said I, to a power to whom nothing is 
 impossible — I believe it, and my greatest 
 glory is, that I am able to say, I do so. I 
 may add, I believe it in the same way I 
 believe the incarnation of our Lord. The 
 one is as unintelligible to the human 
 mind as the other. 
 
 But not my Bible alone has become me- 
 tamorphosed to me ; my Protestant Prayer 
 Book has likewise gone through a change. 
 At least I see it now in quite a different 
 light to what I once did ; and when I reflect 
 upon the matter, I cannot help thinking of 
 those passages in scripture, which I have so 
 
68 
 
 often read, and wondered what they could 
 mean; Matt. xiii. 14, 15; Mark iv. 12; 
 Luke viii. 10; John xii. 40. "Therefore 
 they could not believe, because that Isaiah 
 said again, He hath blinded their eyes, and 
 hardened their hearts, that they should not 
 see with their eyes, nor understand with 
 their hearts, and be converted, and I should 
 heal them." My Prayer Book now seems 
 to me the best book I could choose to place 
 in a Protestant's hands, {for close exami- 
 nation,) to prove the truth, the purity, and 
 the consistency of the Catholic religion, 
 and why, I will now tell you. A Pro- 
 testant clergyman, trying to frighten out of 
 me my admiration of my beautiful and 
 spotless church, assures me, assuming a 
 serious face, the subject being so awful, that 
 one shocking practice of the Catholic 
 Church, introduced into it by priests for 
 bad purposes, is confession of sins, after 
 which they gull the people by giving them 
 absolution ! Now not to speak of the testi- 
 mony I have given upon this subject from 
 my Bible, I open my Prayer Book, and I 
 
69 
 
 see that previous to receiving the sacrament, 
 and at a sick bed, the minister is to press 
 the person to make a full confession of sin, 
 and afterwards to give him absolution ! 
 What absurdity is this in a Protestant's 
 mouth. They who dissent from the Epis- 
 copal Church, and condemn the practice of 
 confession, are consistent people so far, but, 
 for Episcopalians, and their ministers to 
 abuse a doctrine and practice as unscriptu- 
 ral, and imposed upon Catholics by their 
 priests, when every Protestant minister is 
 obliged to declare he will practice it, before 
 he can be ordained, [see the Ordination 
 Service,] and every lay person who frequents 
 a church, or uses a prayer book, thereby 
 assents to the principle, is an absurdity so 
 monstrous, that before I can respect such 
 teachers, who profess one thing and do 
 diametrically the opposite, it must be 
 proved to me, I do not understand my mother 
 tongue. 
 
 Then, again I am told, the Catholic 
 Church, among her other self-assumed pow- 
 ers, commands fasting. Well, Scripture 
 
70 
 
 apart again, on this point, even the express 
 command of our Saviour himself, Matt. ix. 
 15, Mark ii. 20, 1 open my Prayer Book, 
 and I find "*2 Table of the Vigils, (a thing 
 I never heard of as a Protestant,) Fasts, 
 and Days of Abstinence ! to be observed 
 during the year," and as I think what fol- 
 lows so almost incredible, I would advise 
 all to refer to their Prayer Book, to see that 
 I am making no mistake. But as the book 
 may not be at hand, I shall give a copy of 
 what I can myself hardly persuade myself 
 I see aright. 
 
 A TABLE OF THE VIGILS, FASTS, AND DAYS OF 
 ABSTINENCE TO BE OBSERVED IN THE YEAR. 
 
 THE EVENS OR VIGILS BEFORE 
 
 The Nativity of our Lord, 
 
 The purification of the Bless- 
 ed Virgin Mary, 
 
 The Annunciation of the 
 Blessed Virgin Mary, 
 
 Easter Day, 
 
 Ascension Day, 
 
 Pentecost, 
 
 St. Matthias, 
 
 # St. John Baptist, 
 St. Peter, 
 St. James, 
 St. Bartholomew, 
 St. Matthew, 
 St. Simon and St. Jude, 
 St. Andrew, 
 St. Thomas, 
 All Saints ! 
 
 Note. — That if any of these feast days fall upon a Mon- 
 day, THEN THE VlGIL OR FAST DAY SHALL BE KEPT UPON 
 
 the Saturday, and not upon the Sunday neit before it. 
 Pure Catholicity ! 
 
71 
 
 DAYS OF FASTING OR ABSTINENCE. 
 
 I. Forty days of Lent. 
 
 II. The Ember days at the four Seasons, &c. 
 
 III. The three Rogation days, being the Monday, 
 Tuesday, and Wednesday, before Holy Thursday* or 
 the Ascension of our Lord. 
 
 IV. All the Fridays in the year except Christmas 
 
 Now, will any one really believe that the 
 above is copied from the Protestant Prayer 
 Book ; and yet it is true, and can be proved 
 so by referring to the book. All I know is, 
 when I was first told it was there, I would 
 not credit it, and now that I see it, it is as 
 much as I can do to credit my eyes. I also 
 see it enjoined on the clergyman to declare 
 after Communion, what fast days are to be 
 observed during the ensuing week ; also, 
 that all persons prepare themselves for the 
 holy state of Matrimony by abstinence and 
 fasting ; and in the Collect for the first 
 Sunday in Lent, I see a prayer addressed to 
 God, to beg grace to use such abstinence, 
 and to do that, for which they not only con- 
 demn, but thoroughly despise Catholics. 
 What mocking of God! What incon- 
 sistency ! I ask any honest, candid person, 
 
72 
 
 is this a Church one can fearlessly adhere 
 to, and on the truth, stability, and con- 
 sistency of which they will stake their pre- 
 cious souls ? Its ministers profess what they 
 do not practise ; for if they practise fasting 
 they do not preach it, and if they dared 
 preach it, who would believe they practised 
 it ? But this is not all : — Tell me, Protes- 
 tant reader, if you are possessed of one iota 
 of candour, what passes in your mind when 
 you hear the word penance! a Catholic 
 doing penance ! Now, acknowledge it is a 
 word you have nothing to do with, that it 
 belongs only to poor deluded Catholics, and 
 if your heart be a tender one, tell me how 
 you could weep for motives so misguided 
 and so deceived. But before the tears have 
 left your eyes, let me ask you to open your 
 Prayer Book, at that part called " a Com- 
 mination?" and you will read as follows, 
 after which reserve your tears for yourself. 
 " Brethren, in the primitive Church 
 there was a Godly discipline, that at the 
 beginning of Lent, such persons as stood 
 convicted of notorious sin, were put to open 
 
73 
 
 penance, and punished in this world, that 
 their souls might be saved in the day of 
 the Lord ; and that others, admonished by 
 their example, might be the more afraid to 
 offend. Instead wherof until the said dis- 
 cipline may be restored again, which is 
 much to be wished!" fyc. Tell me, now, 
 reader, who needs your tears most? — Ca- 
 tholics, who are obliged to practise what 
 their religion teaches, or lose the reward it 
 holds out, or yourselves, who are reared in 
 ignorance of the true faith, the only one 
 consistent in all things ? 
 
 But the inconsistency of Protestantism 
 does not stop here. Every Sunday they are 
 obliged to declare they believe in " One 
 Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church, the 
 Communion of Saints and the forgiveness 
 of sins, &?c. Now, I would ask is that Church 
 Catholic which is only 300 years old, when 
 there is one, from which it emanated 1S00 
 years old ? Or is that Church Apostolic 
 which dissented from the Ancient Church, 
 and was obliged to ordain its ministers after 
 a new fashion ? Or what is this Commu- 
 7 
 
74 
 
 nion of Saints, that very Communion for 
 which Catholics are a scorn and a derision 
 among Protestants. And this forgiveness of 
 sinSy—wYfiX does it mean, that Protestants 
 can say they believe in it ? It is the leaven 
 of Catholicity which God has left in the 
 Protestant Church, whereby to draw sincere 
 souls into His own most beautiful and con- 
 sistent Church. And, surely every Protes- 
 tant ought to blush on reciting this creed, 
 when Luther, the head and founder of the 
 Reformation, (falsely so called,) out of 
 which their Church has sprung, has left on 
 record, and by Protestant writers recorded 
 too, that when he first severed himself from 
 the Catholic Church, he stood alone in the 
 world, no other man living holding the 
 same views or faith that he did. 
 
 But I have not done yet. I must point 
 out a few more inconsistencies in the Pro- 
 testant Prayer Book, before I can bring my- 
 self to leave the subject, as these lines may 
 meet the eye of some poor Protestant, as 
 sincere as I was myself, and who may, by 
 
75 
 
 the power of God, be led to truth through 
 the very matters I am now treating of. 
 
 To commence again, then, we will notice 
 first, the general confession of sin, which 
 almost immediately begins the service. The 
 priest, (mark he is no priest at all according 
 to Scripture,) for we are told in Heb. v. 1, 
 2, 3, a priest must offer sacrifice for sin, 
 (and the idea we all know is obnoxious to 
 all Protestants) pronounces absolution upon 
 all the people, whether they be penitent or 
 not. Now, mark, this, if it means anything 
 at all, it is practising (if we may use such a 
 term where nothing is performed,) the very 
 power Catholics are abused for using, and 
 which is charged upon them as an invention 
 of their priests. Now, I would ask any Pro- 
 testant, if he has ever gone to church parti- 
 cularly burdened with some sin or other, or 
 with sin in general, has he felt after these 
 works are pronounced, as if perfectly for- 
 given by God, and in consequence, perfectly 
 relieved ? or does he feel as I always did, 
 that these were mere empty words without 
 any healing power ? Or I would suppose the 
 
76 
 
 case of a murderer being present, and that 
 he has joined in the general confession. If 
 any one present be absolved, so is he, and 
 can any one suppose such a crime pardoned 
 at such a tribunal, and absolved by the 
 priest, who is perfectly ignorant of the 
 mighty work he has just performed, that of 
 having reconciled a soul to its God, before 
 at deadly enmity ? 
 
 Another inconsistency is, that after the 
 1 Te Deum' in the l Benedicite,' they not only 
 address the angels, for which they cannot 
 find language strong enough to abuse the 
 Catholics, but they address the spirits and 
 souls of the faithful departed ; as for in- 
 stance, " Jlnanias, Jlzarias, and Misael 
 bless ye the Lord." They will say they 
 have scripture authority for this — so they 
 have : but let them know their Bibles better, 
 before they condemn others, for what they 
 themselves do, or ought to do, if their Prayer 
 Book is to direct them, — that borrowed book, 
 which they only hold to bear testimony 
 against them. 
 
 Another monstrosity in the mouth of a 
 
77 
 
 Protestant is " Saint Athanasius's creed." 
 Many have staggered at the recital of this ; 
 would to God they had staggered until they 
 had fallen upon truth and consistency. The 
 Protestants profess such charity towards the 
 souls of all men, that let their lives have 
 been what they may, if they can only be got 
 to pronounce the name of Jesus on their 
 death-beds, they are instantly pronounced 
 safe in the highest heavens ; whereas, in this 
 creed, they boldly pronounce none safe but 
 such as hold the Catholic faith, which said 
 faith they themselves, neither hold actually 
 nor nominally. That they do not hold it 
 actually, this little pamphlet is written to 
 prove ; that they do not hold it nominally, 
 I will give you a little proof. 
 
 The first time I visited Kingstown after 
 my conversion, my first desire was to know 
 where my magnet (the Catholic Church) 
 lay. I approached some poor creatures on 
 the road side, and said, can you tell me 
 where the Catholic Church is ? at which one 
 old woman stood up and said, " look jewel, 
 do you see the sign of redemption, there, the 
 7* 
 
78 
 
 crass, (cross,) that always marks the Catho- 
 lic Church, and if you want the Protestant 
 Church, dear, look for a weather-cock, and 
 you wont be far astray V* 
 
 They also declare in the same creed, that 
 " they that have done good shall go into 
 everlasting life; and that they that have 
 done evil into everlasting fire" Now, 
 when poor Catholics urge this upon their 
 own people, these very Protestants say, here 
 is a pretty religion, trusting to their works 
 for salvation. Oh ! Protestants, Protestants ! 
 what a privilege to be freed from the title. 
 
 Again, look at the Litany, and you will 
 see another token of Catholicity, just enough 
 to show that they who Protestantized, and 
 borrowed the Prayer Book, (for in many 
 things it is an exact copy of the Missal,) 
 had not sufficiently forgotten their original 
 faith ; for therein they pray " from fornica- 
 tion and all other deadly sins good Lord 
 deliver us," that is, good Lord deliver us 
 from what we denounce Catholics, for say- 
 ing there exist — deadly sins! 
 
 Next come the Collects. In the third 
 
79 
 
 Sunday in Advent they pray, * that the 
 ministers and stewards of thy mysteries, 
 &c. What mysteries ? Whatever wise head 
 penned this collect, forgot he was henceforth 
 to protest against the mysteries of the old 
 religion. There is no mystery in bread and 
 wine. But when that bread and wine be- 
 come, by the power of God, " Christ," 
 whole and entire, human and divine, — here 
 is something like a mystery, a mystery that 
 has triumphed over all difficulties, and has 
 outlived, and ever must outlive all (falsely 
 so called) reformations. 
 
 Then, again, in the sixth Sunday after 
 Epiphany they pray, " that they may purify 
 themselves, even as He is pure ; and when 
 Catholics strive at such an attainment, they 
 shrug their shoulders in pity and disgust, 
 and exclaim, poor misguided self-righteous 
 Pharisees ! 
 
 Next comes Ash Wednesday, (dear Ash 
 Wednesday.) After the collect, there is a 
 command given, that is to be read every day 
 in Lent. Where ? not in the churches, for 
 they are not open, after which the epistle is 
 
80 
 
 read as follows : — " Turn ye, saith the Lord, 
 to me, with all you heart and with fasting." 
 So the Lord has ordered them to do what 
 they pity and despise the Catholics for 
 doing. Oh, happy consistent Catholics, a 
 few more scoffs, and a few jeers, and you 
 will meet the reward of your steady and con- 
 stant adherence to the known commands of 
 your God. 
 
 Look next at the Collect, " St. Michael 
 and all angels." " everlasting God, &c, 
 mercifully grant, that as the holy angels do 
 thee service in heaven, so by thy appoint- 
 ment, they may succour and defend us on 
 earth, through Jesus Christ our Lord." I 
 thought it was only superstitious Catholics 
 could suppose the holy angels could help 
 them ; but here is a proof of the contrary, 
 notwithstanding, it strikes me as a mighty 
 queer subject for a Protestant Collect. 
 
 Next comes All Saints day. " Al- 
 mighty God, who has knit together thine 
 elect in one communion, in the mystical 
 body of thy son Christ our Lord, grant us 
 grace so to follow thy blessed saints in all 
 
81 
 
 virtues and godly living, fyc" Now mark, 
 first, " one communion," as there are some 
 hundred Protestant communions, this pass- 
 age can never be intended for themselves. 
 Secondly, they pray for grace to follow 
 the example of the saints, and when Catho- 
 lics urge the same, they ridicule them for it. 
 They also despise fasting and confession, 
 which the saints could not live without. 
 
 Again, I cannot but remark upon an order 
 just after the communion service, that unless 
 there be three or four to communicate with 
 the priest, there shall be no communion, so 
 that one or two souls may thirst, and thirst 
 again, to unite themselves in communion to 
 their Saviour, but it will be all in vain, un- 
 less there be found more so disposed. Per- 
 haps they calculate, that two souls are not 
 worth the bread and wine used upon the 
 occasion, but for three or four that expense 
 can be gone to. I cannot think of any 
 other reason. There is also another order, 
 which is, that every parishioner shall com- 
 municate at least three times a year, Easter 
 to be one. What a leaven of Catholicity 
 
S2 
 
 copied out of the Catholic Catechism. I 
 most solemnly declare, in all my Protestant 
 career, I never heard the above urged upon 
 us as a duty, or even recommended particu- 
 larly as a practice. 
 
 Lastly, let me direct your attention to the 
 pretty little apology, with which the com 
 munion service ends, for kneeling while com- 
 municating. It says, " lest through igno- 
 rance or infirmity, or out of malice or ob- 
 stinacy, persons should misconstrue the 
 matter, it is hereby declared that no adora- 
 tion is intended to the bread and wine, as 
 that were idolatry, to be abhorred of all 
 Christians, &c. Then comes a very wise 
 assertion, that Christ's natural body cannot 
 be in two different places at the same 
 time ; and yet it could pass through a stone 
 wall, which is equally at variance with the 
 laws of nature. But, perhaps, the Bible 
 makes a mistake when it says so, for the 
 Prayer Book says, it is contrary to reason 
 to suppose such a thing possible. I must 
 still further point out the Catholic rite, 
 with which a Protestant child is baptized, 
 
'83 
 
 Ci signed with the sign of the cross" for 
 which absurdity they again apologize in the 
 following words : "To take away all scru- 
 ples concerning the use of the sign of the 
 cross in baptism, the true explication there<- 
 of, and the just reasons for the retaining of 
 it, may be seen in the 30th Canon, first 
 published in the year 1604." 
 
 Now, for one peep at the Catechism, the 
 question is asked, " what is the inward sign 
 of the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper ?" 
 Answer : " The body and blood of Christ) 
 which are verily and indeed taken and re- 
 ceived by the faithful in the Lord's Supper.'*' 
 The Holy Ghost has said of the church, that 
 he that runs may read, and the wayfaring* 
 man, though a fool cannot err therein t 
 now, I would ask any Protestant, supposing^ 
 him not to be a fool, how he would under- 
 stand these words, " verily and indeed 
 taken and received" I know I would take 
 them as the Catholic does, and as the words 
 imply ; but the Protestant says we err there- 
 in though the Holy Ghost says we can't ! ! 
 
 Now, hear how the Catechism closes. 
 
84 
 
 " The curate of every parish shall diligently 
 upon Sundays and holydays, after the 
 second lesson at evening prayer, openly in 
 the church instruct and examine so many 
 children as he shall think convenient in some 
 part of this Catechism." Is this done ? no, 
 that it is not, that ever I saw, except in 
 Catholic Curches, the difference being, that 
 the commands of the one church are attend- 
 ed to, in the other they are only a dead 
 letter, left in it to perfect the condemnation 
 of her happy adherents. 
 
 Seing thus led by the two highest authori- 
 ties into Catholicity, namely, my Bible 
 and Prayer Book, for mind, I have not 
 been abusing the Prayer Book, for I think 
 there is a vast deal of sound sense and doc- 
 trine in it, just so far as there is Catholic doc- 
 trine in it ; no, but it is Protestants I find 
 fault with, for professing' what they con- 
 demn others for doing. I still shrink from 
 becoming a Catholic, if it were possible to 
 avoid it, and my «enemy did not fail to 
 suggest it was not necessary ; besides which, 
 by nature I was disinclined towards it, for 
 
85 
 
 on the one hand there was my easy going 
 Protestant faith, which practically said 
 to me, eat, drink, and be merry ; while on 
 the other side, every thing was against 
 my nature : confession to be made constantly 
 of every secret sin, whether in thought, 
 word, or deed, regular humiliation of the 
 flesh, in fasting and abstinence, the cross to 
 be borne which even then I could see was 
 sizeable, the despised name of Catholic to 
 be taken, together with a world of woe, 
 perhaps to be deserted by all dear to me on 
 earth. Indeed, I would have given worlds 
 to have been able to discard this new-formed 
 religion. I therefore, determined, as a last 
 resource, to try and find out exactly what 
 the Protestant rule of faith was; for, although 
 I had been reared in it, and managed to pass 
 in the world as a sincere good Protestant, 
 still I could not trust to myself; for I found 
 that all the points which I had considered 
 quite settled, and firm as a rock, when tried 
 by this Catholic touchstone, shook, tottered, 
 and fell! 
 
 I inquired, therefore, of a Protestant 
 8 
 
86 
 
 clergyman, what the Protestant rule of faith 
 was ? I was answered " the Bible." Is 
 it infallible? "Certainly," was the reply. 
 Well, said I, is it your only rule of faith ? 
 " Yes," again, was the reply. Then, said 
 I, again, you profess to do all it commands, 
 and to abstain from all it forbids ; neither 
 to add to nor diminish ? " Yes," was the 
 answer. And at that my heart sank, for I 
 saw on opening my Bible, a strict com- 
 mand, under the Patriarchal law, the 
 Jewish law, and lastly, the Christian lata, 
 to keep the Sabbath or seventh day holy, 
 Christ himself giving example so to do; for 
 we are told in Luke iv. 15 ; "As his custom 
 was, he went into the Synagogue, on the 
 Sabbath day, and read to the people." 
 Luke xxiii. 56. How, then, was naturally 
 my next question, is it, that Protestants keep 
 the first day and not the seventh, as God 
 has so expressly ordered in the Bible ? and 
 on examination I found many, many com- 
 mands to keep it, but not one to change the 
 day. My clerical friend, then said, "Pro- 
 testants keep the first day instead of the 
 
87 
 
 seventh, because they see from Scripture, the 
 Apostles met on the first day, to pray and 
 break bread/ 5 I look to my Bible again, 
 and find they did ; but I also find, they met 
 on the second day as well. Acts xx. 11. — 
 Now, why not keep Monday holy, as the 
 authority for the one day is as good as for 
 the other ; therefore, how can this be autho- 
 rity to change so positive a command of 
 God ? If one person would think it satis- 
 factory or sufficient, one hundred others 
 would not think so ; therefore, this cannot 
 be the reason, at least, not an infallible one? 
 and nothing else could cancel a command 
 so continuously and so solemnly given by 
 God, and adhered to by our Lord himself. 
 Just as my mind was perplexed on this 
 point, I came across a work just published 
 by an eminent Presbyterian divine, the Rev. 
 John Bruce, entitled " The Duty and Privi- 
 lege of Keeping the Sabbath. " After endea- 
 vouring to prove the grounds of the change 
 of days, from the seventh to. the first, he 
 finds it necessary to sum up thus : " In other 
 words, you would reasonably suppose, or 
 
88 
 
 expect the change should be gone into, which 
 the Christian Church affirms hath actually 
 taken place/' p. 32. — Here is Protestant au- 
 thority to guide me ! If I felt timid to trust 
 myself, and to yield to my own doubts, here 
 is a Protestant divine who tells me, the best 
 authority for the change is the Church's 
 having ordered or sanctioned it, in other 
 words, tradition ; that for which the good 
 gentleman thought fit to separate and dissent 
 from the Christian Church for holding ; and 
 here he tells us this is the all sufficient rea- 
 son for this great change. I believe he 
 never spoke truer words; but, from him, 
 surely, they are the height of inconsistency. 
 Some may here say, but Catholics keep the 
 first day as well as we. Yes, they do, but 
 they know why they do so ; they keep it 
 from the authority recommended by the 
 worthy gentleman above, which authority 
 he does not acknowledge, and scorns to be 
 influenced by. On mentioning the above 
 to my friend Mr. H. — he begged I would 
 not suffer any uneasiness on account of the 
 change from the Sabbath to the first day, 
 
89 
 
 for, said he, " I can prove to you by a most 
 beautiful and clear calculation, that the 
 day we keep holy is actually the very same 
 day the Patriarchs kept for their Sabbath" 
 This was quite a new idea, and presented 
 to my mind a hope which realized about as 
 much peace to my soul, as a straw held out 
 to a drowning man would do ; he would 
 grasp at it, but would it save him ? No ; no 
 more could the proof that I had actually 
 been doing right by observing the day with- 
 out knowing it, be a sufficient reason to 
 prevent me becoming a Catholic. 
 
 Another strict command I saw given at 
 all times, even up to the Christian council at 
 Jerusalem, " that all christians abstain as 
 a necessary thing from eating blood" 
 Acts xv. 22. Whereas I see all Protestants 
 partake of it without scruple. Who refrains, 
 I would ask, on this account, from eating 
 wild fowl ? and yet we all know the blood 
 remains in them; or who from black pud- 
 ding and such dishes? no one that ever I 
 saw. Thus Protestants, I find, are not con- 
 sistent either in their profession or their 
 8* 
 
90 
 
 practice ; they do not live by, or up to their 
 rule of faith, the ]3ible. Catholics have no 
 scruples in eating blood, but they know why 
 they can do so, without a breach of this 
 command. They have the Bible, His true, 
 and they have besides, an authority emana- 
 ting from the same source, and therefore, 
 the only authority capable of nullifying a 
 command therein given from that authority, 
 " the Church, " or the " word spoken," as 
 St. Paul tells us, 2 Thes. ii. 14, they are 
 authorized to eat blood, and by the same 
 authority Protestants partake of it, though 
 they do not know it, or if they did, they 
 dare not say so, for it would be acknow- 
 ledging Catholic authority. I mentioned 
 these subjects to many who were concerned 
 for the progress I was making towards 
 Catholicity, just to see if any of them could 
 help me out of my doubts, and they one and 
 all startled and asked me, was I allowing 
 such trifles to unsettle my mind? but I 
 would ask such, can anything God has com- 
 manded as necessary be a trifle ? or are 
 these commands more trifling, or differing 
 
91 
 
 in their nature from that laid upon our first 
 parents, under pain of death, to abstain from 
 eating a certain fruit, and yet, from the pun- 
 ishment incurred, can any urge or argue the 
 fault to have been a trifling one ? Oh, reader, 
 look at the results, and by them learn to 
 appreciate trifles, when God issues them ! 
 Having received, my clerical friends, beau- 
 tiful and clear solution, (which I consider 
 myself fortunate, in having obtained upon 
 paper, in his own hand- writing, or else who 
 weuld credit me, that a clergyman of the 
 English Church could put forth such an 
 assertion,) I cannot resist the temptation of 
 giving a copy of it here, to let the reader 
 judge of its beauties, and to show to what 
 purposes the Holy Scriptures can be wrest- 
 ed, when once they are left to the judg- 
 ment of man to construe as he pleases. 
 
 (i THE PATRIARCHAL AND CHRISTIAN SABBATH 
 CELEBRATED ON ONE AND THE SAME DAY OF 
 THE WEEK. 
 
 " Exodus ii. 11, and xxxi. 17, order the observ- 
 ance of the 7th day in remembrance of the Crea- 
 tion. Deut. v. 15, enjoins it in remembrance of 
 
92 
 
 the deliverance from Egypt, without any reference 
 to the Creation. 
 
 " If the Israelites had left Egypt on the day 
 which had previously been observed as the Sabbath 
 in remembrance of the Creation, we might con- 
 clude that this passage contained an additional 
 reason for the observance of this same day ; but if 
 they left Egypt on the day before the usual Sab- 
 bath, then it can be viewed in no other light than 
 as an injunction to observe their Sabbath on a 
 different day and for a different reason. 
 
 "That the Israelites left Egypt on the day be- 
 fore the Sabbath is thus proved : " They arrived at 
 the Wilderness of Sin on the 15th day of the 
 second month," Exodus xvi. 1. "The sixth day 
 from that day was the day before the Sabbath," v. 
 5, and 53, and the 20th day of the month ; con- 
 sequently the 21 st was the Sabbath, and the 22d was 
 the day after the Sabbath. If we reckon back we 
 shall find that the 15th, the 8th, and the 1st days 
 of this month were also the days after the Sabbath ; 
 and so that the 30th and the last day of the preced- 
 ing month Abib, which is called the first month, 
 was the Sabbath day, and consequently the 29th, 
 the 22d, and the 15th days were the days before 
 the Sabbath, but the 15th was the day on which the 
 Israelites left Egypt. Numbers xxxiii. 3. 
 
 " I wish, my dear friend, he concludes, that all 
 that has been stated to you by Romish priests, was 
 
93 
 
 equally capable of that clear demonstration which 1 
 have given you above ! ! /" 
 
 As I said before, I leave those who read 
 these lines, to judge of their clearness and 
 beauty. To me it appears, if anything is 
 proved, it is that Friday ought to be the 
 day kept holy; but suppose for argument 
 sake, his point is proved, then it follows, that 
 the whole christian world has mistaken the 
 seventh day of the week for the first, while 
 the whole Jewish world must have mistaken 
 the sixth of the week for the seventh — for 
 unquestionably our Christian sabbath is kept 
 on the day immediately following the sab- 
 bath of the Jews, therefore, if our sabbath 
 be still the seventh day, and not the first of 
 the week, as the Christian world has always 
 supported it, then, the whole Christian 
 world has been wrong from the beginning ; 
 and if our Christian sabbath be still the 
 seventh day, and not the first, as it is cer- 
 tainly the day immediately following the 
 sabbath of the Jews— then .the Jewish sab- 
 bath must have been the sixth day of the 
 week, or Friday, and not the seventh day, 
 
94 
 
 (Saturday ;) thus it follows, the Jews were 
 all wrong as well as the Christians, and no- 
 body is right but my friend Mr. H. ; and yet 
 Mr. H. believes that Christ died on Friday ', 
 or the eve of the Jewish sabbath, and keeps 
 Good Friday accordingly ; and moreover, 
 Mr. H. believes that our Saviour kept the 
 Jewish sabbath as the sabbath, and the 
 proper one, and therefore, Mr. H. to be con- 
 sistent, must believe that Christ himself was 
 wrong upon the subject ! ! 
 
 Well, indeed, might he and every other 
 friend I have in the world, bemoan over me, 
 if all I have learnt from priests, and adopted, 
 from my soul, to the exclusion of every other 
 hope, could be no better proved, or clearly 
 demonstrated than what is stated above. 
 Yes, common tears would be but a poor 
 offering at such a shrine, tears of blood 
 would not be too much for a soul so lost. 
 
 Many other Protestant inconsistencies I 
 could enumerate — things which they do not 
 authorize in scriptures, and things which 
 they neglect, therein commanded, as the 
 oneness and unity amongst them, which is 
 
95 
 
 well exemplified in the varieties of ways 
 they dealt with me. I may as well instance 
 a few things, in order to prove my assertions. 
 
 Infant baptism — where is the command in 
 scripture for it ? no where ; on the contrary 
 the Bible says, to be baptized we must be- 
 lieve, and that we all know no child can 
 do ; and yet the Protestant pretends to ad- 
 here to the Bible, and denounces without 
 mercy the Catholic, whom he is pleased to 
 consider as taught to neglect the Bible ; but 
 I would ask him, why he baptizes his child ? 
 He cannot tell why he does it, only he does 
 it, and would not for the world leave it 
 undone. Nor does his minister know why 
 he makes the sign of the cross upon the 
 head of the child when baptizing it, nor can 
 he tell why it is necessary why it should be 
 apologized for in the Prayer Book ; but 
 both the one and the other, whether they 
 know it or not, depend upon the authorty 
 of the Catholic Church. 
 
 Then again, Protestants say the scriptures 
 are infallible ; so they are, but not to them, 
 to be so infallible, they must be infallibly 
 
96 
 
 interpreted, and not according to the fruit- 
 ful and frenzied fancy of every presump- 
 tuous mind, that declares itself directed by 
 God to unfold them. In this declaration I 
 am supported by scripture, 2 Peter hi. 16. — 
 " There are certain things in scripture hard 
 to be understood, which the unlearned and 
 unstable, ivrest, (as they do also the other 
 scriptures,) to their own destruction." 
 Nevertheless, the unlearned, yes, all, all, 
 are pronounced by the Protestant faith to be 
 fit and perfectly capable of interpreting for 
 themselves, whereas, scripture expressly 
 tells them, they do so, only to their own 
 destruction. Is this infallibility ? But even 
 if these passages were not in holy writ, to 
 attest against the abuse to which the scrip- 
 tures have been brought by the Protestant 
 faith, would not the effect produced by 
 every one, judging for himself, prove it to 
 be an invention of man ? Can God be the 
 author of confusion ? Does He give a rule 
 of faith, and pronounce it infallible, in order 
 to lead men to unity and oneness, and then 
 direct them to form some hundred faiths, 
 
97 
 
 beliefs, and religions upon it. Never, never ! 
 reason, sense, and scripture, all pronounce 
 it impossible. But if such be the Protestant 
 rule of faith, then, I ask any person with 
 one iota of justice in his composition, how, 
 after what I have produced from my Bible, 
 can I be blamed for the change I have 
 made ? Happy, happy change ! 
 
 But to give a clearer proof of how com- 
 pletely the Protestant system overturns the 
 infallibility of scripture, and turns it into a 
 floodgate of error and untruth, I will give 
 a slight sketch of my own experience. 
 
 Born a member of the Episcopal Church, 
 I was happy as such for many years of my 
 life, never dreaming but my church was the 
 true one, founded upon a rock ; the idea of 
 its not being such never once entered my 
 head. Time passed, and I was obliged to 
 change my residence, but in doing so, I 
 found I must lose the best part of my reli- 
 gion^ not being able to bring my minister 
 with me, for, it seemed to me, the best part 
 of religion centered in him, not in the church. 
 He was a good man, and I could find no 
 9 
 
98 
 
 piety like his. In distress about my soul, I 
 looked about me for something to come up 
 to my ideas of religion, and by chance fell 
 upon a class of Protestants called " Wesleyan 
 Methodists." Here I saw greater devotion, 
 more frequent attendance at their churches, 
 greater helps to devotion and serving God, 
 though differing widely from the interpreta- 
 tion of scripture I had heard in my former 
 church. However, I determined to use 
 what they had to offer, until I could find 
 better, not, however, to become one of them : 
 the inducements were not quite sufficient for 
 that. Time rolls on, and I am again forced 
 to move my dwelling. In this place I could 
 find no Methodist Church, nor any thing 
 belonging to them ; here again I was all in 
 a puzzle. However, I set upon a search 
 again, and at last decided there was real re- 
 ligion, in appearance at least, amongst 
 another branch of the fruitful tree of Pro- 
 testants called " Presbyterians." I followed 
 this persuasion for a little time, because / 
 fancied they preached sounder gospel, than 
 was to be had in the Episcopal Church of 
 
99 
 
 the place where I was, but the thought 
 never crossed my imagination of becoming 
 one of them, for I saw nothing to enable me 
 to say, here is the truth which I can give a 
 reason for professing. At last I change my 
 home, (for I have seen a great deal of the 
 world,) and am again in a puzzle to know 
 where to direct my steps as to the goal of 
 truth. The thought naturally presented it- 
 self, truth is one, therefore, these three per- 
 suasions that I have lately had to do with, 
 cannot be all right, because they widely 
 differed from each other. The Bible told 
 me, Christ had left one faith, one church, 
 and one baptism, and the question is, where 
 is this church. Amongst Protestants, the 
 Wesleyan minister tells me his is it ; that he 
 had prayed and prayed again, and that God 
 had taught him to understand scripture as 
 taught by his church. The Protestant minis- 
 ter says, "no, my church is it, for I have 
 prayed as well and longer than he has, and 
 my church was an old one before his was 
 in existence. " Then, says the Presbyterian 
 minister, t( never mind either of them, for 
 
100 
 
 if they have prayed long, I have prayed 
 better, and God has taught me that I only 
 am right" 
 
 Now, these are all Protestants, but they 
 are only 3 out of 100 of other sorts of Pro- 
 testants, who all draw their different beliefs 
 from the Bible. Will you, reader, condemn 
 me ? If so, tell me how I am to decide 
 which of these is right, and which wrong? 
 Does the truth of scripture depend upon the 
 mind of the person who declares it ? God 
 has not, nor cannot have taught them all 
 differently, unless as is blasphemy to sup- 
 pose, he taught them lies, and led them into 
 confusion. Whilst I am thus puzzled, by 
 the good providence of God, I suddenly light 
 upon the original and true church, from 
 which all these good folks have thought fit to 
 sever themselves, and to become protesters 
 against her, even "the Catholic Church" 
 But then, its being the Catholic Church is 
 quite enough. Truth, I had been taught to 
 believe, had never been there ; and indeed 
 of myself, I should as soon have thought of 
 going to the moon for it, as to the Catholic 
 
101 
 
 Church, it was so universally spoken ill of, 
 so universally written against ; and more 
 than that, its priests are declared to be the 
 worst men alive. In fact, if the stories 
 Protestants tell, and Protestant clergymen 
 too, were true, they could be nothing better 
 than devils. This, of course, could not be 
 the Church of Christ, at least, as I said be- 
 fore, if all this be true! Blessed be God 
 for this saving clause, though at that time 
 I never doubted it was true ; but like all 
 other Protestants, my horror of the Catholic 
 Church was built upon imaginary evils, 
 flights of my own fancy, not things that I 
 could either prove to exist, or prove to be 
 evil. However, the question still remained 
 unanswered, where was the Church of 
 Christ? I could not tell; however, having 
 by the greatest accident come across the 
 marks which the Catholic Church boasts of 
 as a proof that she is the only true church 
 pointed out in scripture, I thought I would 
 try how far she bore to be compared with 
 scripture ; for, that God had pointed out his 
 
102 
 
 own church in scripture sufficiently to direct 
 earnest inquiries, I felt no doubt. 
 
 First, then, I saw from the whole tenor of 
 Scripture, as I before explained, the Church 
 of Christ was to be one. The Catholic 
 Church only I found to be that in all 
 places. Go where you will, or to what 
 land you like, there you will find the Catho- 
 lic Church identically the same in its doctrine, 
 practices, and belief, as at the fountain head, 
 Rome, or elsewhere. Whereas, I saw that, 
 to which I belonged, had come out of the 
 Catholic Church; and, on its new rule of 
 faith had divided itself into a hundred dif- 
 ferent beliefs. Besides, what more common 
 than to hear people talk thus : " Oh, is not 
 Mr. Blank a beautiful preacher ; I like him, 
 because he preaches High Church." " Oh," 
 says another, " I like Mr. Suchabody better, 
 because he is Low Church in his doctrine." 
 Then, a third will say, " I don't like either 
 of them so well as some other Mr. — they 
 don't either of them preach the Gospel ; but 
 come and hear him, and for the first time 
 
103 
 
 you will hear the truth," and so on. But, 
 such divisions told me, that the Church to 
 which they belonged could not be the 
 Church of Christ ; for His own words are, 
 that "no Church or Kingdom divided against 
 itself, can stand ;" and most true these words 
 have proved as regards the Protestant 
 Church, for her own people have done more 
 to undermine her foundation, than even the 
 Catholic Church with all her perfections. 
 A second discovery I made, was, that the 
 Church of Christ should be evil spoken of, 
 and that His true disciples should be uni- 
 versally despised ; for when Christ was 
 called a wine-bibber, a deceiver, and even a 
 devil, he did not rebuke his slanderers, but 
 mildly turned to his faithful followers, and 
 said, If they have called me, your Lord and 
 master,jall these things, how much more you, 
 behold this is your heritage ! By this very 
 reproach, this scorn, these bitter things, 
 am I at last directed to the true Church of 
 Christ ; for who can be at a loss to find out 
 those men, whom all the world (who know 
 them not) agree in abusing? None, none, 
 
104 
 
 who ever saw a priest of the holy Catholic 
 Church. Oh, yes, happy priests, and holy 
 Church ! glory to be God, I have found you 
 both out, for ye are one, and the very things 
 which made rne once abhor you both, by 
 the grace of God, now lead me to you ; and 
 my respect for her sacred priests, set apart 
 for God's service only, is as unbounded now, 
 as once it was wanting towards them. Yes, 
 happy priests, those who speak ill of you, 
 must resort to lies ; but let the fulness with 
 which your earthly heritage is heaped upon 
 you, be an encouragement and security for 
 that, which is to come, and which surely 
 awaits you with increasing brightness, in 
 proportion as your fame in this world is 
 deteriorated. Yes, this is the Church of 
 Christ, this is the faith, and the only faith 
 which will sever a child from his parents, 
 and Christ knew that, when he told us, " Ye 
 must not love father or mother more than 
 me, else ye shall not be worthy of me;" 
 yes, and this is the faith that even a hus- 1 
 band's authority must yield to, and it is that 
 faith for which all must be parted, even the 
 
105 
 
 right eye, if required ; and, lastly, it is the 
 faith which brings with it a cross to bear, 
 by which Jesus marks us for his own. Oh, 
 yes, I have found it at last, and the question 
 which presented itself to me so often as a 
 Protestant, and which I never could answer, 
 is at last answered. The Catholic faith is 
 the faith which will produce these results, 
 and it is that faith also, upon the truth of 
 which a man will willingly stake his im- 
 mortal soul. Yes, yes, here will I live and 
 here will I die. I have found the rock, a 
 sure resting place, a harbour to anchor, 
 where, though varying winds may ruffle, 
 they can never uproot my peace, and it 
 were as available to urge a poor weary 
 mariner, who suddenly finds his ship all 
 leaky, her helm gone, and himself unable to 
 stem the tide, to avoid land which he sees 
 within reach, and which offers him shelter 
 and repose, as to try and persuade me to 
 discard this faith. No, like the mariner I 
 hear no words, I have no concern, but how 
 I can soonest leave the ship that has failed 
 me to reach the land, and if it were hopeless 
 
106 
 
 to urge him before, how still more so, when 
 he has reached the land, and finds it offers 
 him a pleasant shade, rich and delicious 
 food, all in fact that his soul could wish for, 
 to live, and find delight. Would any try 
 and persuade such a one to return to his 
 leaky ship again? then neither need they 
 me, for our cases are similar. 
 
 With all these convictions upon my mind, 
 I felt there was but one effort more to be 
 made for the satisfaction of my friends, be- 
 fore I became a Catholic, which was to get 
 a bishop professing each faith to discuss 
 their rules of faith before me, and other 
 Protestants, to decide which of these men 
 in equally exalted stations, could prove his 
 church to be founded upon a rock. At this 
 point of my little history, I wrote off to my 
 parents to tell them exactly the state of my 
 mind, and to beg they would send for a 
 sister I had brought with me, for I thought 
 though I might act for myself, I had no right 
 to influence their other child, at least with- 
 out their knowledge. Having done this, I 
 called upon the Protestant bishop, to mak 
 
 • 
 
107 
 
 my request to him, but I could not see him, 
 as he was from home ; however, I wrote to 
 him, to request he would meet the Catholic 
 bishop to whom I had first made applica- 
 tion, and finding him ready to do anything 
 to establish my peace and security, I never 
 doubted for a moment I should find my own 
 bishop equally ready. 
 
 I was necessitated to make this request 
 of him, because I found that in one conver- 
 sation with the Catholic bishop, the learning, 
 reading, and result of meditation of my 
 whole life, were uprooted and destroyed. 
 Therefore I felt the only way to come to a 
 just, fair, and lasting conclusion, was to get 
 my Protestant bishop to defend his and my 
 faith, against the Catholic bishop, for al- 
 though I might not be able to answer all 
 the queries the Protestant bishop might put 
 to me, still I had lost my faith, and the only 
 way it could be restored was, to be witness 
 with others, to the defeat of the Catholic 
 bishop by the Protestant. This would have 
 satisfied me — nothing short of it could. To 
 this conclusion I was additionally forced to 
 
108 
 
 come, by the result of a conversation be- 
 tween the Catholic bishop and my friend 
 the Rev. Mr. H., who suddenly arrived in 
 answer to my letter home, to bear my sister 
 and myself, if he could from Edinburgh. I 
 as may well be supposed, refused to return 
 with him, until I had proved my own faith, 
 and if I found it fallible, embraced without 
 delay an infallible one, before I dare venture 
 my precious soul on the deep waters. 
 
 I urged my friend, therefore, to meet the 
 Catholic bishop, who happened accidentally 
 to come to the house. He consented. They 
 talked for about five minutes, and in that 
 short space of time, the bishop had just got 
 him into a corner, out of which he felt he 
 never could make an honourable retreat. 
 So, rising up, he repeated a long passage of 
 scripture, with such precision and speed, as 
 if he thought the feat he had performed, 
 was a silencer in itself, and bounced out of 
 the room, utterly forgetful of that good 
 breeding which we might expect to find in a 
 clergyman of so fashionable a church. The 
 bishop was actually in the middle of a sen 
 
109 
 
 tence, when my friend started up. But we 
 must not be too hard upon him, as it was a 
 desperate case. I must confess my untutored 
 temper was not a little tried, when on fol- 
 lowing him down stairs, I heard him tell my 
 sister it was perfect child's play, talking 
 with that Catholic bishop ! He said so, and, 
 although he meant it very differently, I in- 
 deed felt it was but too true, to have exposed 
 the Protestant faith to such a defender, and 
 such an opponent to the Catholic bishop, 
 who I was soon to learn was the dread and 
 terror of all the Protestant clergy in Edin-* 
 burgh. However, my friend's sudden dis- 
 appearance was rather unfortunate at that 
 moment, as he had just chosen the passage 
 of scripture to astonish the bishop with, 
 which his lordship would have chosen to 
 confound him. Having this example before 
 me to warn me of the uselessness of hearing 
 anything upon the subject of religion, with- 
 out witnesses to attest the truth of what 
 actually passed, I felt little inclined to meet 
 the Protestant bishop in the way he wished, 
 to have him say afterwards something in 
 
 10 
 
110 
 
 the style of my friend above. Besides, I 
 considered my promise to my parents to see 
 this bishop quite met, by having conversed 
 with two clergymen on the subject, since 
 making that promise, and especially as they 
 both so effectually led me into Catholicity. 
 The following are my letters to the Pro- 
 testant bishop, and his replies. 
 
 " My Lord, 
 
 "The motive which compels me to address your 
 Lordship, being one of the utmost importance, I 
 feel that you will not deem any apology necessary. 
 Having come to Edinburgh some weeks ago, I 
 have been thrown, a good deal, into Catholic so- 
 ciety, and doubts have arisen in my mind, with 
 respect to the grounds of the faith I have sincerely 
 professed during my whole life. 1 wish some ex- 
 planation on this subject, the principal cause of my 
 uneasiness arising, from what appears to me at pre- 
 sent to be, the insecure foundation on which seems 
 to rest the very essence of my hitherto Protestant 
 convictions. Will you allow me to ask, if for the 
 sake of my precious soul, as well as the satisfaction 
 of my friends, you will be kind enough to come to 
 
 my assistance, by meeting at Mr. the Right 
 
 Rev. Dr. Gillis, (Catholic bishop,) to discuss with 
 him the rule of faith Christ must have left to his 
 
Ill 
 
 Church, as upon the issue of that question must 
 depend my joining the Catholic Church, or my con- 
 tinued adherence to the Episcopal communion in 
 which I was reared. 
 
 " Yours, most respectfully, 
 
 " FANNY MARIA P1TTAR." 
 
 (His Lordship's Reply.) 
 " Madam, 
 
 " I lose no time in answering your note ; and in 
 assuring you, that I am anxious to do anything in 
 my power for bringing your mind to a steady convic- 
 tion of the true faith, as delivered to mankind by 
 Christ and his apostles. But you must allow me 
 to doubt, whether the most rational plan for this 
 purpose is for me to meet and discuss the rule of 
 faith, with Dr. Gillis, in your presence. 
 
 " From such a conference you might have suffi- 
 cient grounds for deciding which was the cleverer 
 man, which had studied the subject most carefully ; 
 and other points, entirely personal to the two dis- 
 putants, but very remotely bearing upon the great 
 point at issue. 
 
 " It appears to me much more expedient, that I 
 should at any rate, in the first instance, see you 
 alone; and know from your own explanation what 
 are the points in which the creed in which you have 
 been educated, appears to you unsatisfactory, and 
 wherein the Romish Church appears to offer you 
 greater satisfaction. 
 
112 
 
 » 
 
 " I will, if you choose, call for you on Monday, 
 between one and two o'clock. In the mean time, 
 earnestly advising you to lay all your doubts before 
 Him, who has promised, that those who will do 
 His will, shall know of the doctrine, whether it be 
 of God or of men. 
 
 " I am, Madam, 
 
 " Yours, faithfully, 
 "C. H. S. 
 " Bishop." 
 
 (My Second Letter.) 
 "My Lord, 
 
 " In reply to your note of yesterday, I beg to say 
 that my reason for requesting the conference between 
 you and Dr. Gillis, was more for the sake of show- 
 ing to my friends I had not refused to hear both 
 sides of the question fairly argued, than for the 
 satisfaction of my own mind. I therefore applied 
 to your Lordship, as the highest authority of that 
 light I had hitherto followed, and wished to listen 
 to what Dr. Gillis, the authority on the other side, 
 would say, in opposing to you the rule of faith of 
 the Church to which he belongs, and which lays 
 claim to an unbroken line of succession from the 
 Apostles ; and also to the inheritance of the pro- 
 mises of Jesus Christ, to be with her even to the 
 end of the world. 
 
 "Your objecting to such a conference, as afford- 
 ing grounds of contrast to the abilities of the dispu- 
 
113 
 
 tants, would be equally met by separate interviews. 
 I feel, then, that the benefit you would derive for 
 me, shall be best, and indeed I may say, can only 
 be obtained, were I and an unprejudiced friend to 
 be present at what you and Bishop Gillis would 
 say, for your respective communions. 
 
 * If your Lordship decline this my conscience is 
 clear. I shall forward to my relations your reasons 
 for so doing, along with my own for declining pri- 
 vate conference. But if your Lordship will meet 
 me to-morrow, to discuss with Dr. Gillis, very 
 briefly, the comparative rules of faith of the two 
 Churches, it would be a great favor. 
 
 "Most respectfully yours, 
 
 "FANNY MARIA PITTAR." 
 
 (His Answer.) 
 " Madam, 
 
 11 1 still think that the result of a conference be- 
 tween me and Bishop Gillis in your presence, would 
 be nothing better than a determination whether Dr. 
 Gillis or I were the acuter disputant. By private 
 interviews on the other hand, leading to the requi- 
 site reading on the subject, you would learn, not 
 what we can say in a given time, but what can be 
 said on both sides of the subject. 
 
 " The questions at issue between us of the Be- 
 
 formed Catholic Church, and those who adhere to the 
 
 communion of Rome, are so numerous, and may be 
 
 treated in such various ways, that unless I knew 
 
 10* 
 
114 
 
 something beforehand of your state of information, 
 and convictions, my arguments might be quite 
 
 BESIDE THE PURPOSE. 
 
 " Of course this objection would be strengthened, 
 if I thought that Dr. Gillis had personally or by 
 information a knowledge of your present views, re- 
 specting which I am entirely in the dark. 
 
 " While then, Madam, I offer to visit you as a 
 minister of Christ, and to counsel you to the best of 
 my knowledge, I must still decline meeting Bishop 
 Gillis, for whose character and attainments, it is 
 right to say, I feel a high respect. 
 "I am, Madam, 
 
 " Your obedient servant, 
 " C. H. S. 
 " Bishop." 
 
 (My Reply.) 
 
 " My Lord, 
 
 u In reply to your note of last evening, I beg to 
 say most respectfully, I am quite satisfied. What 
 I asked of your Lordship was not to prove the state 
 of my mind, but whether the Protestant rule of 
 faith was infallible or not. Your declining to meet 
 Dr. Gillis to discuss this subject, only strengthens 
 me in my new, but present faith ; he did not desire 
 this meeting, but I asked it of him to enable me to 
 decide. 
 
 " If, then, Bishop Gillis to win a soul, would do 
 most gladly what you cannot bring yourself to, to 
 
115 
 
 save one, I with a heart overpowered with gratitude 
 to God for showing me at last where truth is, if I 
 had not abundant other proofs, should now embrace 
 Catholicity, from the different spirit, I am forced to 
 conclude, guides and influences her different bishops. 
 " Yours respectfully, 
 
 " FANNY MARIA PITTAR." 
 
 The above letters I should not feel myself 
 at liberty to make public, had they been 
 written under the badge of friendship : they 
 were not so. I addressed his lordship, as 
 the head of the Protestant Church in Edin- 
 borough, as the shepherd I was to apply to 
 for succour, but I fled to him in vain : 
 therefore, I count, he can be but an hireling, 
 when he would not make a sacrifice to save 
 one of his flock. 
 
 The result of my communication with 
 the Protestant bishop, I have given, and, I 
 confess, by the time it was over, I felt little 
 inclined to go and learn my catechism, 
 again, as he would fain think necessary. I 
 thought twenty-eight years, quite enough to 
 have devoted to it already, along with Pro- 
 testant preaching and reading, to which I 
 devoted myself, especially, for the last 
 
116 
 
 twelve years, with great sincerity, caring 
 for nothing else ; and if it was to stand me 
 in no better stead, than that a few conver- 
 sations with a Catholic, was to overturn it 
 all, I felt, as I said before, little inclined to 
 trust myself to its guidance again. Indeed, 
 I*felt persuaded, that a person, who began 
 to see her own faith and church to be false, 
 and another right, who to be guided and 
 directed, still went to the ministers of her 
 former church, acted no wiser a part, than 
 one who found suddenly she had been 
 drinking poison, when, instead of instantly 
 having recourse to an antidote, she said, as 
 the poison was sweet, I will have a little 
 more first. The one would have as good a 
 chance to be saved as the other ; — so I 
 thought, at least, and therefore, I acted up 
 to my convictions. 
 
 But, although the Protestant bishop would 
 not come to my help, or rather, would not 
 expose himself to the power of truth, (for, 
 if he possessed it himself, what need he 
 have cared to face all the talents ever 
 heaped upon man,) I felt a great desire, 
 
117 
 
 knowing the effect truth had had upon my- 
 self that some of these good and sincere Pro- 
 testant clergymen, should be induced, under 
 the plea for my sake, (but entirely for their 
 own,) to meet this so much dreaded Catho- 
 lic bishop. Just at this time, a good and 
 pious Presbyterian lady, who felt truly 
 concerned at my change, (she being the 
 sister of my friend's husband,) and who, on 
 discovering my religious tendency, had fain 
 hoped I should have convinced her sister- 
 in-law of the errors of Catholicity, instead 
 of being myself convinced of its truth,) gave 
 me the opportunity of doing my best to at- 
 tain this end, by herself proposing there 
 should be a meeting of the clergymen hold- 
 ing different faiths. She herself said she 
 would be quite delighted to be present. 
 
 I then told her, I could get no clergyman, 
 to meet a Catholic priest, but that any or 
 all of the priests were ready at a call. 
 
 At hearing this her indignation arose, and 
 she started off, saying she would find plenty 
 who would be only too glad to come ; men, 
 whose zeal for the salvation of souls was 
 
118 
 
 such, that they would snatch with delight, 
 any opportunity of rescuing one from de- 
 struction ; and, she ended, by saying, " if 
 your clever Episcopalians will not come, 
 you shall see what our Presbyterian clergy 
 are made of." She went away, and in all 
 anxiety, I waited her returning, hoping to 
 have to tell the bishop, I had some scores of 
 Protestant divines to meet him ; but, lo ! in- 
 stead of herself and the clergymen, a note 
 came to say, her clergy could not have a pri- 
 vate interview with a Catholic clergyman for 
 fear of dissension ! but that they would 
 meet Dr. Gillis on a public platform. To 
 the above I made the following reply — the 
 proposal which I was authorized to make, 
 by this good and zealous man, who shrank 
 not to declare his master's truth, and cause, 
 in any way, or every way, wherein he 
 ' could hope for his blessing. 
 
 iC My Dear Miss, 
 
 " I deeply regret on your account, as you ex- 
 pressed so strong a desire to hear both sides of 
 this question, that these zealous gentlemen to whom 
 you have been, cannot venture even to save a soul on 
 
119 
 
 a private interview. In my humble opinion, a pri- 
 vate discussion is less likely to breed dissension 
 than a public one. Their very generous offer to come 
 forward publicly, I must inform you, has not so 
 much in it as you may suppose, as they must all be 
 aware that Bishop Gillis has publicly and in print 
 stated, that he would meet any individual or num- 
 ber of clergymen in any way, except on a public 
 platform ! His reasons for refusing this are many 
 and good, however, for your sake, he is willing to 
 do much, and therefore, he authorizes me to say, he 
 will meet any number of clergymen you can collect, 
 or that your brother's drawing-rooms will hold, 
 which will not be less than 200, and he will not re- 
 quire one Catholic to support or be present with 
 him. 
 
 44 If I seem over anxious on this subject, you 
 must forgive me ; it is because I have' seen in you 
 a sincerity and desire, which possessing myself, I 
 have been unable to resist Catholicity. But I would 
 just remark, that although I hold every doctrine 
 and principle of the Catholic Church, as Catholics 
 hold them, yet not one as Protestants conceive them. 
 Believe me there is something in all this, something 
 worth your attention ; and as a lie will always dis- 
 cover upon itself, surely a person professing (as 
 they suppose) the truth, need not be afraid to make 
 the search. 
 
 Most sincerely yours, 
 
 FANNY MARIA PITTAR.'" 
 
120 
 
 To the above letter I received another 
 negative. These very conscientious gentle- 
 men would not meet Dr. Gillis — they must 
 beg to decline doing so, since he could only 
 declare the truth in a corner ! — that cor- 
 ner, however, would have held more than 
 all the Protestant clergymen in Edinburgh. 
 But any excuse is better than to face the 
 truth when one is not prepared to embrace 
 it! 
 
 When I had reached this point, I could 
 not but feel I had done enough to satisfy 
 any reasonable being of my sincerity ; and, 
 therefore, I determined to trifle no longer, 
 with the grace that was given me. On the 
 24th of February, 1S42, 1 became a Catho- 
 lic ! ! an undeserving, but a happy Catholic, 
 my peace increasing with my days ! 
 
 A Catholic! la Catholic! the thought 
 is startling, and the idea, almost overwhelm- 
 ing ! but lest my feelings should be miscon- 
 ceived, let me pause one moment in my 
 little narrative, to indulge in the delicious 
 thought ; and whilst I think, oh, how shall 
 I refrain from that power divine, by which 
 

 121 
 
 I know and feel this wonderful change has 
 been wrought in me. — Once so zealously 
 and sincerely opposed to everything Catho- 
 lic, now, as it were, living and feeding upon 
 it, to my souPs unspeakable delight. Once 
 a respected member of a respected society, 
 a devoted child to the best of parents; a 
 beloved wife of an incomparable husband ; 
 a doating mother of a lively offspring -, now, 
 severed, perhaps, in every one of the above 
 relations, and yet, resigned, contented, pos- 
 sessing only Catholicity ! Oh, mystery 
 worthy of being solved, how shall I endea- 
 vour to unfold the secret, which God him- 
 self could only have revealed to me ! ! 
 
 Need I here increase my own deep feel- 
 ing of what I owe to God, for this wonder 
 he has wrought in me, or the amazement of 
 those, who may, with unbiassed feelings, 
 trace the path I have lately trodden, by re- 
 calling or adverting to the appeals made to 
 me, by those I almost held dearer than life 
 at that trying moment, when first the 
 thought, the immense thought, forced itself 
 upon me, that the Catholic Church was the 
 11 
 
122 
 
 true and only Church of Christ, and that if 
 I would save my immortal soul, I must enter 
 its fold, even at the loss of all those dear 
 ties ? Need I revert to the heart-rending 
 appeals made to me, by a mother, whom I 
 adored, and to whom, till now, I had ever 
 been a consolation, not to break her heart, 
 not to inflict the severest pang she had ever 
 felt, by taking the dreaded step of declaring 
 myself a Catholic ; or, first, to the impor- 
 tunity, prayers, arguments, entreaties, and 
 then threats, of a father, whom I had never 
 before offended ? Or, need I hint at the 
 thousand hopes and fears which alternately 
 rushed upon me, as to the effects the news 
 might have upon my absent husband, whose 
 love and fidelity, though I had once thought 
 them stronger than death, I now almost 
 fancied might yield ? Need I revert to all 
 this, and a thousand other real and imagi- 
 nary woes, which rent and tore my heart, 
 until then almost a stranger to real sorrow ? 
 Yes, I will just allude to them ; (paint them 
 as they really were I never can,) that should 
 these lines meet the eye of any one, who, 
 
123 
 
 li^e myself, was reared in ignorance of that 
 truth, by which only the soul may be as- 
 sured of happiness, yet still possessing that 
 sincerity for his salvation, as to enable him 
 even to part with all for its sake, he may 
 see I did not embrace Catholicity without a 
 struggle ; and keen and sharp as that strug- 
 gle was, he may know still further that it 
 was worth enduring, yes, if it could have 
 been ten thousand times more acute than it 
 was, for the treasure I know and feel I 
 possess in consequence. Oh, let me close 
 my eyes to the dark side of this little sketch, 
 and paint for a minute the peace, the calm, 
 the security, the delight, the ecstasy of 
 having come to truth, truth that can never 
 fail, truth that will be the same when all 
 that now exists shall have passed away for 
 ever, — and that truth too, revealing, be- 
 stowing, and manifesting to me Jesus Christ, 
 the Redeemer of my soul. He who said, 
 "I will show you what great things you 
 must suffer for my sake ;" and again, " If 
 ye love father, mother, husband, or chil- 
 dren more than me, ye are not worthy of 
 
124 
 
 me." Yes, it was for Jesns I endured all, 
 and did he leave me without a recompense ? 
 Oh ! let my tongue be sealed in death, when 
 it shall cease to praise him for the mercy he 
 has shown me, for the recompense he has 
 heaped upon me, for the peace I enjoy, for 
 all, and every thing. Even my very sor- 
 rows, I can but praise him for them, for they 
 led me to joys, unknown and untasted, but 
 by those for whom they are prepared. 
 
 The step taken; my peace made with 
 heaven, and my soul enjoying the precious 
 fruits of the happy exchange I had made ; 
 my thoughts naturally fell upon the good 
 man, who had first been the means of lead- 
 ing me to suspect all was not right with the 
 foundation, on which I had been building 
 for eternity. 
 
 His answer relative to Ash Wednesday, 
 showed me he was not perfectly satisfied 
 with what he professed himself. Instantly, 
 therefore, I determined to go to him, and 
 tell him all that had happened to me, if, 
 perhaps, God might thereby convince him, 
 it was better to sell all in this world to buy 
 
125 
 
 eternal life in the next. I went to him — we 
 conversed for more than two hours. I told 
 him how happy I was, and how infinitely I 
 preferred the scorn and desertion of the 
 world, with what I possessed, to the whole 
 world without it. He looked quite puzzled, 
 and said nothing, but that I had taken a very 
 awful step. I asked him, if he would read 
 something I would give him, because I per- 
 sisted in asserting he did not know what the 
 Catholic faith was. He said he would read 
 anything I gave him. I told him, I had done 
 my best to get his bishop to meet the Ca- 
 tholic one, before I became a Catholic, but 
 that he would not do so. He said, if it 
 was not treason (these were his very words) 
 to say so, he thought his bishop had done 
 very wrong; but, that if I had gone to him 
 before I became a Catholic, he certainly 
 would have done anything to save me ; for 
 he thought I had done an awful thing, and 
 he pitied me from his soul, being so misled. 
 This was all very good, and natural; but 
 now for the proof of his sincerity. " Will 
 you/' said I, " come and meet my bishop, 
 11* 
 
126 
 
 and prove your rule of faith before him ?" 
 " No," said he, " certainly not, you are past 
 hope, therefore why should I do so useless 
 a thing ? Had you applied to me in time 
 to save your soul, I would have done that 
 or anything else, but not now." Why I did 
 not apply to him was, I thought my friend 
 
 Miss had done so, for I knew he was 
 
 a favourite of hers, although not belonging 
 to the same form of worship ; and although 
 I do not know positively whether she did 
 or not, I really believe she did — but that is 
 nothing to the present purpose. Well, said 
 I, that is just and fair, but one soul is just 
 of as much value to you as another, espe- 
 cially as I never saw you before but once 
 in my life, and never may again. I come 
 to you, therefore, in behalf of another who 
 has witnessed my conversion, who sees that 
 I have failed to get any Protestant clergy- 
 man to meet a Catholic one, or to defend 
 his faith ; will you come, therefore, for the 
 sake of this person, who is no other than 
 the husband of my dear friend, and who, I 
 have every reason to believe and hope will 
 
127 
 
 very soon follow my example, simply be- 
 cause he sees you are all afraid to defend 
 the faith you profess. 
 
 After some hesitation he said, " I do not 
 think I am called upon to do so for Mr. 
 
 , for if I did I should be called upon 
 
 by Mr. A , and Mr. B , and Mr. 
 
 C , and thus I should be taken up in- 
 stead of attending to my own people, to 
 whom I owe more than I can even accom- 
 plish/' I here urged his inconsistency, and 
 demanded if it did not strike him there was 
 something the matter, when no Protestant 
 clergyman would dare to face a Catholic 
 priest. " Oh," said he, " it is exposing our 
 truth, for we all know what a clever man 
 Dr. Gillis is." But, said I, all the talents 
 in the world can never prove a lie to be 
 truth ; no, you know it cannot ; therefore, 
 come in the name of God, if you think you 
 possess truth, and the moment you confound 
 my Catholic clergyman, I cease to be a 
 Catholic. I was very earnest indeed, for I 
 hoped the man was sincere, and I felt if I 
 could only get him to come, his own eyes 
 
128 
 
 might be opened. I did not, therefore, stand 
 upon any ceremony, and my importunity 
 was so great, that he was actually con- 
 strained to meet me half way. " I will 
 tell you then," said he, " what I will do for 
 you. I will hear Dr. Gillis discuss with you 
 the rule of faith, and I will go behind a 
 screen, and when he is gone I will prove 
 
 all he said to be false ! ! ! Mr. D you 
 
 astonish me, I am utterly amazed, and can 
 hardly believe my own ears, said I, and can 
 only say, I regret, indeed, that no one is 
 present but these walls, to witness to your 
 words. 
 
 Whoever reads this, need not be sur- 
 prised I did not give him the opportunity of 
 giving me this proof! We parted. — My 
 feelings of sorrow for him being much 
 greater, and better founded, than his for me. 
 But I did not give him up. I knew him to 
 be a good, though deceived man, and I still 
 hoped. I believe he was perfectly puzzled 
 at my earnestness, for he promised to read 
 two tracts for me. 
 
 Some days after, I felt anxious to know 
 
129 
 
 the result upon his mind of the perusal of 
 my pamphlets. I went, therefore, to him 
 again, and conversed for another two hours. 
 To the best of my tracts, " The Church of 
 Peace and Truth," he had nothing whatever 
 to object, except that there were some quo- 
 tations from scripture in it, which he did not 
 think applicable. But in the other, he said, 
 there was a horrid blasphemy, which was 
 quite sufficient for him, and that was, the 
 Blessed Virgin, being styled u The Mother 
 of God." I was so surprised at his denying 
 this, that I could say nothing, for I thought 
 we must have misunderstood each other. 
 So I left him, still begging, as a great fa- 
 vour, he would read Dr. Wiseman's lectures 
 on Transubstantiation, as he objected much 
 to that doctrine. He said, he would. How- 
 ever, when I got home, I thought over all 
 we had said, and all I might have said, and 
 I thought I would make one trial more, by 
 writing the following letter : — 
 
 "Dear Sir: 
 
 " Once more I intrude myself upon your notice, 
 humbly hoping that the sincerity you have wit- 
 
130 
 
 nessed in me, will plead an excuse to you in my 
 behalf for such intrusions. Oh, why is it that I 
 am so anxious — so solicitous about you 1 why — but 
 because, by the providence of God, I was directed 
 to you when a stranger in a strange land, as his 
 minister, and one on whom I felt I had a claim as 
 such, to solve a difficulty. Your reply was such 
 as to prove to me I was on an insecure foundation 
 for my immortal soul, and that you were not your- 
 self perfectly satisfied with every appointment of 
 your own church. From thence, as also afterwards 
 from your own mouth, I learned, that although you 
 feel quite calm, you feel quite certain you have 
 found a Saviour able and willing to save your soul, 
 still you will till death- fear and tremble, feeling it 
 is not impossible your rule of faith may be fallible, 
 and therefore, not such as will stand you at the 
 awful day of judgment. This then, along with the 
 universal voice, pronouncing you a sincere and 
 godly man, makes me feel interested for you be- 
 yond what words can express. 
 
 " But why, again, should this interest be excited 
 towards one, who professes himself satisfied with 
 the faith he holds, although he cannot prove it 
 infallible 1 why, but — because (if I would not be 
 misunderstood as comparing myself, who am less 
 than the very least, to one so capable, so learned, 
 and so devoted as yourself,) it is but one short 
 month since I held with powerful sincerity, the 
 very same faith you, this instant, rest upon ; yes, 
 
131 
 
 and I held it zealously. Nevertheless, within that 
 short space of time, it has pleased God to show me 
 a more perfect, more united, and a better rule of 
 faith, one worthy of God, because infallible — a way 
 so straight that the eye can see with clearness even 
 to the very end of it, so garnished with truth and 
 certainty, that the soul let into it from a bye-path, 
 on first rinding it, is so overwhelmed with joy and 
 gratitude, that in telling others of the way she has 
 found, they can but suspect her of madness ; so 
 great is her delight, for it is a way so simple and 
 safe, that the way-faring man, though a fool, cannot 
 err therein — a way in which all are invited to go, 
 and from which none will be excluded, but those 
 who will not try for themselves, whether it be all, 
 it is so joyously and fearlessly declared to be, by 
 those who have already tried it. 
 
 Twice I have had the privilege of conversing 
 with you since this happy change in my faith. On 
 those occasions nothing passed from you to shake 
 my present views — much to strengthen them. You 
 will, perhaps, start at this, remembering the isolated 
 passages of scripture you brought forward, suppos- 
 ing them capable of overturning doctrines founded 
 on the whole tenor of scripture. But I shall not 
 detain you to speak on this subject ; but bear w T ith 
 me, while I remark upon the expression you used, 
 as referring to the Blessed Virgin being called in a 
 Catholic book ' the Mother of God.' It was, you 
 said, blasphemous. At the moment you made use 
 
132 
 
 of the expression, I was so utterly astonished at 
 such a term being applied to such a subject, by a 
 Bible clergyman, I really forgot every thing, in a 
 feeling of deep humility and gratitude, that to me 
 such blessed realities should ever have been re- 
 vealed, while the wise, and the great, and sometimes 
 the good, (for you are a good man, and too good a 
 one to remain in a faith that cannot be maintained 
 and proved, before the learned and the unlearned, 
 the talented and ignorant) are left uncalled. 
 
 " What can I do for you ? One thing I have in 
 my power, and cannot be prevented using it; I can 
 pray for you, and I will. But may I beg of you to 
 open your Bible, which, you profess, directs you, 
 and from which you declare your rule of faith to be 
 drawn, doing all it commands, and refraining from 
 all it forbids, and tell me if the following passages 
 do not declare Mary ever blessed, to be the Mother 
 of God : Isaiah vii. 14, ix. 6; Matt. i. 18, 20, 23 ; 
 Luke i. 35, 42, 43, 44, 45, 48, xxviii. 37 ; Acts i. 
 14, xx. 28. If they do not, then as a Protestant 
 I could but despair, since my very mother tongue 
 must be re-studied to enable me rightly to under- 
 stand this rule of faith, which according to my pre- 
 sent knowledge of English, leads me to a directly 
 opposite view to yours. So, what is to be done % 
 What Protestant can hope for heaven, if to get 
 there it be necessary to live up to their rule of faith, 
 and yet the talent necessary to understand it aright 
 is such that even their own ministers cannot trust 
 
133 
 
 themselves to speak or declare their rule to one of 
 a different faith? Oh! what, tell me, is to become 
 of the ignorant, and unlearned 1 ? must they all 
 perish? No, no; let them come into that church, 
 which has a rule adapted to all capacities and 
 understandings, and in doing so they will do well ; 
 for it will be the faith God himself intended for 
 them, as God, in justice, could never have sent a 
 rule of faith so difficult to be understood, and so 
 incapable of being defended and proved. Indeed, my 
 dear sir, I cannot but wonder how it is possible to 
 raise a doubt as to the propriety of calling the Bless- 
 ed Virgin ■ Mother of God,' for if our Lord Jesus 
 Christ be God, as I conceive is clearly stated 
 above, how can the Blessed Virgin be anything 
 but Mother of God! This is the faith the apostles 
 taught us, although they made not use of the word. 
 But you will say, perhaps, is Mary then the mother 
 of the deity 1 My answer is, that being mother of 
 the man, who was united to the eternal word, so as 
 to form one person, she ought to be called the Mo- 
 ther of God, though not the mother of the deity. 
 Besides, all Protestants acknowledge the four first 
 councils of the church, and, at the third, at Ephesus, 
 Nestorius, a bishop, was excommunicated for ex- 
 actly saying as you do, that Mary was not Mother 
 of God. You will find the above remarks in St. 
 Cyrill's writings in Butler's Lives of the Saints, 
 which fell under my notice, since I last saw you. I 
 am sure I need not try further to prove my sincerity, 
 12 
 
134 
 
 but would to God you would inwardly resolve to 
 investigate this matter, yes, even at all hazards — 
 your reward would be great. More I cannot there- 
 fore do than pray for you, which I do in all sin- 
 cerity. 
 
 " Yours, 
 
 " FANNY MARIA PITTAR. 
 " March 30, 1842." 
 
 (his reply.) 
 
 "Dear Madam, 
 
 An unusual pressure of urgent duties, has pre- 
 vented me from answering your letter before now, 
 and, even now, my reply must be brief. 
 
 11 You are entirely mistaken in supposing that 
 I feel a moment's doubt or hesitation respecting the 
 infallibility of the rule of faith on which I rest — 
 and your misapprehensions in this respect, notwith- 
 standing the repeated declarations I have made to 
 you on the subject, prove to me how correct I have 
 been in resolving not to discuss the matter before 
 you — prove, indeed, how absurd it would have been 
 for me to have entertained the proposal for a mo- 
 ment.* The texts you adduce respecting the ex- 
 pression ■ Mother of God,' you must allow me to 
 say, are completely wide of the mark; they tend to 
 
 * Strange, if I was so much mistaken, that in less than 
 nine months after the date of this letter, thi3 worthy gen- 
 tleman should have dissented from the church, forsaken his 
 parish and flock, to become a nonintrusionist ! 
 
 : 
 
135 
 
 prove the divinity of Christ, which doctrine I hold, 
 but they leave the expression entirely unsupported ; 
 and I therefore repeat what I said before, that it is 
 unscrtptural as well as unreasonable, blasphemous 
 as well as false. 
 
 11 1 beg to return Wiseman's book, which I have 
 read. It bears the stamp of the writer's mind, 
 learning, ingenuity, and plausibility ; but sooner 
 might you build a castle on a cobweb, than the 
 doctrine of transubstantiation upon his argument. 
 In spite of all his talent and his special pleadings, 
 the doctrine hangs like a millstone about his neck, 
 heavy in its iniquity, dishonouring to God, idola- 
 trous in its practice, and ruinous in its conse- 
 quences. I beg you to excuse this short reply to 
 your long letter ; but you must, I think, be aware, 
 that all, which appears so new and attractive, and 
 convincing to you, is neither the one nor the other 
 to me ; and you ought not to expect me to give the 
 time to write out formal refutations of errors, which 
 have been repeatedly and fully exposed from the 
 press. I cannot do more than express the bitter- 
 ness of sorrow, that I feel for the fatal step you 
 have taken, and my earnest prayer that you may 
 yet be recovered out of the snare which has been 
 laid for you. 
 
 Yours very truly, 
 
 D. T. K. D." 
 
 Need I produce more facts, to excuse my- 
 
136 
 
 self to those of my family, who may read 
 what I here have stated. Will any condemn 
 me for the choice I have made ? My case 
 stands thus : I find my soul in danger, — I 
 first apply to a bishop of my former church 
 to come forward and save it, at the same 
 time pointing out the danger and the enemy 
 which threatened it ; but he says, " No, / 
 cannot face the enemy openly — I must 
 know your mind first, for fear I should fight 
 with weapons unsuitable and unavaila- 
 ble !" Then I try a second — a man with 
 less policy, but more courage than the pru- 
 dent bishop, and he says, " oh, yes ; I will 
 meet this dreaded man ;" but before they 
 are five minutes together, he acts on the 
 principle of a good retreat being better than 
 a bad stand, and up he starts, and runs out 
 of the room. 
 
 Then others, I am told, are ready to come 
 to my succour, but when the danger draws 
 near, they urge they cannot come privately, 
 for fear of dissension, but they would come 
 publicly and openly, by which, they knew, 
 if they had not the advantage in argument, 
 
137 
 
 they would, at least in numbers, as all there 
 dissent from the enemy they dared not meet. 
 And lastly, another offers his assistance, be- 
 cause he could not resist my importunity, 
 but it must be behind a screen! 
 
 All this, on the one hand, whereas, on the 
 other, I find the greatest readiness to do 
 everything or anything, that my soul requires 
 to make it at peace with its Maker. The 
 true Shepherd says, " Yes, I will brave dan- 
 ger for even one of my Master's sheep, even 
 to the loss of all things ; for life, to me, is 
 only worth having, as I can make it the 
 means of succouring and protecting those, 
 over whom I have beeji appointed a shep- 
 herd." — I have made my choice, and those 
 who will condemn me must. 
 
 More reasons, I could give, for this great, 
 this glorious change, yes, this happy, this 
 peaceful change. Many more, indeed, I 
 could give, but will the patience of the 
 reader bear with me, in an addition so 
 unnecessary ? Will not every candid, un- 
 prejudiced heart, with one spark of sincerity 
 or truth in its composition, pronounce me 
 12* 
 
138 
 
 guiltless. To have resisted, would have 
 been to have fought against God, and, 
 though most unworthy of the great honour 
 of being called to bear a reproached name, 
 for Christ's sake, nevertheless, the grace has 
 been given me, and I must declare it, though 
 with fear and trembling, lest, as he has not 
 spared some of the natural branches, so He 
 might not spare me, an ingrafted one. But 
 through the power of that daily food, pre- 
 pared for my soul, I will hope unto the end. 
 I am happy, more than happy. I have ob- 
 tained a possession for myself, and an inhe- 
 ritance for my children, as rich as it is un- 
 expected, as satisfactory as it is secure. 
 
 My Bible is now a treasure to me beyond 
 all price ; it led me to Catholicity, and, as 
 a Catholic, I can render it the honour due 
 to it. To me, it is infallible, because I have 
 it from an infallible Church. No more, to 
 me, belongs the prerogative of hearing my 
 preacher to condemn him. I know, if he 
 holds not truth, he never could be in the 
 place where my instructor stands. And 
 my Bible is to me like a beautiful picture, 
 
139 
 
 reflecting some renowned artist's sublime 
 imagination. I can contemplate the light 
 and shade with rapture, as long as I have 
 them as he left them, but let some presump- 
 tuous student bedaub it, with his unskilful 
 touches, and I turn, with disgust and dissa- 
 tisfaction, from what was, originally, instruc- 
 tive as beautiful. 
 
 After feasting my soul till Easter week, 
 in the dear land of my soul's birth, I re- 
 turned to Dublin, but not to the happy 
 home, nor to the embrace of those dear 
 ones, whom I had so lately left. — A mo- 
 ther's love had weathered the storm — she 
 came to meet me, but her love was changed. 
 She came to mourn over her disgraced child 
 — she came to conduct me to cold and lonely 
 lodgings, and to break to me the news, that 
 I rendered myself unfit longer to be the 
 guardian or protectress of my children, and 
 that those children could no longer gladden 
 my heart with their presence, at least, not 
 until their father's wishes were known upon 
 the subject. She came, in short, to mingle 
 her tears with mine — to mourn over the 
 
140 
 
 wreck I was reduced to, but to avert which 
 I had no power. But let me pass over this 
 moment of agony — this moment, in which 
 nature was tried to its extent, but over which 
 grace had a glorious and a complete victory. 
 However, to prove my case still further, I 
 shall copy a letter I had occasion to write 
 to the Rev. J. G — g, a great star ! before 
 whom, my beloved and well-intentioned 
 father insisted I should come, to be shown 
 the fallacy of all my new notions. As 
 this great man, by his own account, was 
 about to turn the whole Catholic world 
 Protestants, he was in consequence just the 
 man to annihilate me. I cannot refrain from 
 giving this letter, because by it will be seen 
 what passed between us, and an additional 
 instance given of the instability and uncer- 
 tainty of the Protestant faith, and of the 
 insufficiency of Protestant argument. My 
 dear father was present during this meeting, 
 and as I felt over anxious on his account as 
 to the defence I should make, I, in conse- 
 quence, omitted some things, which I could 
 not rest, till I had repaired by the following 
 letter : — 
 
141 
 
 " Rev. Sir, 
 
 " It is not, when most depends upon our words, 
 that we are always able to choose the best. The 
 very importance we attach to our defence, when 
 arraigned before a judge, incapacitates us for mak- 
 ing a good one ; hence, it is, that the laws of our 
 country have provided for persons so situated. 
 
 u It was something of this kind prevented me, 
 when brought up before you to give a reason for my 
 change of faith, from saying much, that, under other 
 circumstances, I should have said. I felt most 
 deeply, both for yourself and my beloved parent, 
 who was by, knowing, that God could, if it pleased 
 Him, through my words, remove the film from both 
 your eyes, which has been strengthening with your 
 strength, and forming since your birth. I felt, in 
 short, over anxious, forgetting that my own inability 
 and utter unw T orthiness, would but tend to God's 
 greater glory. 
 
 "The defence, therefore, which I could have 
 made, I was incapable of doing, through my human 
 frailty, and want of faith in God. 
 
 11 During that meeting, you reminded me> that I 
 should have to account before God, for every word 
 that passed between us. This truth had caused 
 me many prayers previous to seeing you, and now, 
 urges me to make this effort, to endeavour to repair 
 what I then left unsaid ; for I feel, 7, at least, was 
 unfaithful to the trust committed to me, and the 
 opportunity offered, of declaring God's truth. Bear 
 
142 
 
 ■with me, therefore, dear sir, and believe me, I am 
 most sincere ; and pardon the apparent presumption 
 of my supposing, that I, who am so ignorant and 
 incapable, could direct you, who are so learned. 
 Bear with me, I ask again, because I am sincere, 
 and remember my presumption springs from the 
 thoughts, that not many wise, not many learned, 
 are called, but the foolish and the base of this world, 
 and those that are not, to bring to nought those that 
 are. With the timidity, therefore, of the little maid, 
 who, venturing her simple appeal to a great king, 
 was made the means of great results, do I hope to 
 bear a message to you, sir, and to tell you, the 
 argument you held against me, proved your faith 
 unsound, and not according to Scripture. 
 
 " Your first assertion against me was, that in be- 
 coming a Catholic, I had forsaken my reason, my 
 senses, and my Bible. Whatever answer I made 
 you to this, I beg now to say, my reason, such as 
 it is, led me to become a Catholic. Born and reared 
 a Protestant, I should ever have remained such, had 
 it not been for the good providence of God, who 
 directed me to one, who inquired of me, why, and 
 against what I was protesting. I said, ' the errors 
 of popery,' (the same, I suppose, that you termed 
 their weak points, and, upon which, you assured 
 my father, you were so capable of attacking them). 
 I was naturally requested to name them. I did so, 
 one after the other. To many of my charges, I was 
 answered, ' they were not Catholic doctrine at all, 
 
143 
 
 only Protestant conception of them.' The rest were 
 proved to me to be scriptural. It now became my 
 turn to inquire, what Catholic doctrine really was, 
 for I found out I knew nothing of it; and, I con- 
 fess, I had the sincerity about me, to believe, the 
 faith I had would stand any test, otherwise, reason 
 told me it could not be from God, and, if not, the 
 sooner I changed it the better, no matter what the 
 results. When I heard what the Catholic faith 
 really was, I was compelled to assent to its being 
 most reasonable. That faith has existed unaltered 
 through all generations, the chain reaches unbroken, 
 from Christ to the present hour ; whereas the Pro- 
 testant faith, I knew to have sprung out of the Re- 
 formation, (falsely so called), commenced by Luther, 
 who has himself, left on record, that in his religious 
 opinions, he stood alone in the world ; therefore, my 
 reason told me, that the faith which commenced 
 three hundred years ago, could not be the faith 
 which Jesus Christ had left us, eighteen hundred 
 years ago. I also know, from history, that the Pro- 
 testant articles of belief, were in the reign of Henry 
 VIII. but six ; that afterwards, in the reign of Ed- 
 ward VI. they were changed to forty-two; and 
 lastly, that in Elizabeth's day, they were, as now, 
 thirty-nine. My reason told me, all this was not 
 of God. Therefore, by my reason, so far, I became 
 a Catholic. Blame the reason if you like, that is 
 quite another point, but, such as it was, it wat it 
 led me into Catholicity, 
 
144 
 
 " My dear sir, try and forget, for one moment, 
 that word, so horrible to Protestants, ' Catholic,' 
 and also, the creature who addresses you, and ask 
 yourself, what it was Christ promised his disciples, 
 as the head of his Church. He promised them his 
 Holy Spirit ; and that that Holy Spirit should guide 
 them to all truth, and, if he did guide them into all 
 truth, and if they fell from it afterwards, as you say, 
 what becomes of the second part of his promise, 
 that he would be with them all days, even to the 
 end of the world ? What was the use of sending 
 truth to the disciples, to benefit all the world, if 
 those that followed were to forsake and fall from it? 
 No, no, sir; the Scripture abounds with promises 
 to Christ's Church, that once He gave Himself for 
 the redemption of man, He would never forsake his 
 Church or people afterwards. He also has said, 
 that His Church shall be without spot or wrinkle, 
 and that in it there should be but one Lord, one faith, 
 and one baptism, one fold ,-. and let me ask you, sir, 
 where is the oneness of anything Protestant T We 
 hear of such a Protestant minister being so cele- 
 brated, but, is it not, I ask you, honestly, the next 
 question, what doctrine does he preach? The Bible, 
 I say, is replete with promises to the Church, of 
 God. Look to Isaiah ch. 54, indeed the whole of 
 Isaiah. And what does Christ say in the New 
 Testament 1 ' Whosoever hears you, hears me ; and 
 whosoever rejects you, rejects me. For I will never 
 leave you, nor forsake you; I will be with you 
 
145 
 
 always, even to the end of the world.' Think of 
 all this, dear sir, and tell me, did Christ forsake his 
 Church from the sixth to the fifteenth century, as 
 Protestants say ] oh, surely not, when He said He 
 never would. Think not, because I say, as Christ 
 said, there should be but one fold, that I exclude 
 any. No ; if a Catholic rejoices at his being in this 
 fold, he never forgets, that Christ also said, ' He 
 had sheep of another fold, which He would also 
 bring.' The silent prayer, therefore, of every good 
 and sincere Catholic is, that each dear friend and 
 relative, in the Protestant faith, may be of that fold, 
 and may yet be brought into it. Such, my dear sir, 
 though you may not be able to appreciate it, is my 
 earnest prayer for you and others. 
 
 " Your next point against me was, that I had for- 
 saken my senses. So far from having forsaken 
 them, I find them all called into daily exercise now, 
 whereas as a Protestant, as far as religion was con- 
 cerned, I never used them at all. I now see the 
 beauty of truth, I now feel the benefits resulting from 
 it, I now hear the gospel promises, I now have a 
 foretaste of their fulfilment, and lastly, I have a 
 sweet smelling savour of what shall be given both 
 here and hereafter/to those who remain firm until 
 death, to the measure of grace delivered to them ; 
 whereas, as a Protestant I knew the truth was beau- 
 tiful, but I could not see it ; I therefore prayed hard 
 that I might, and God has more than answered me. 
 I did not feel the benefit of the truth, but I prayed 
 
 13 
 
146 
 
 that I might, and God has in this also heard me ; 
 for now that I possess it, I not only know it, but 
 am satisfied to the full. 1 heard the Gospel, it is 
 true, but in such a variety of forms and shapes, that 
 I was unable to decide which was the perfection of 
 truth, until I had recourse to my stronghold ' pray- 
 er' to be directed which to choose, and I have been 
 at last enabled to decide. I had also a foretaste, 
 but it was only that, one day, I should possess what 
 / now enjoy, and a sweet smelling savour of what 
 my soul is now inhaling to its unspeakable joy and 
 peace. 
 
 " The third and last point was my Bible, that I 
 had forsaken it. Now, we will suppose for one 
 minute, that I have, am I worse off than the thou- 
 sands who lived and died for the first ninety-six 
 years after Christ's death? There was no Bible 
 then at all. But I will go even further, and ask 
 now, am I worse off than the myriads and myriads 
 who lived and died for the first 1500 years after 
 Christ 1 There was as good as no Bible then. 
 Were all these souls lost then for want of a Bible 1 
 if not, then I hope to be saved as they were. But 
 I w r ill not allow I have forsaken my Bible, for I 
 know and feel it is only now I can truly appreciate it. 
 
 " Speaking of the Blessed Sacrament being really 
 the body and blood of Christ, as Catholics believe 
 it, you first asserted there was not one passage in 
 scripture to warrant such a supposition, and next, 
 that it was contrary to reason. 
 
147 
 
 u Now, as to the first I asked you, was it a point 
 conceded, that I understood English 1 You did me 
 the favour to suppose it. I then referred you to the 
 sixth chapter of St. John, where Christ declares this 
 mystery. The disciples and the Jews, who were 
 by, said, but how, for like you sir, they understood 
 him literally, and thought it contrary to reason. 
 However, our Blessed Saviour, instead of enlight- 
 ening them, which surely he would, if the case 
 would have admitted of it, simply answers them, ' I 
 tell you, upon oath, verily, verily it is my flesh, and 
 unless ye eat of it, ye shall have no life in you.' 
 And again, for fear there should be any misconcep- 
 tion about it, as he had chosen that substance to 
 convey himself to the world, he goes on to say, he 
 that eats me, even he shall live by me. At this, even 
 his very disciples murmured, and some forsook him 
 for the saying; but he merely said to them, does 
 this offend you, if so, how much more will ye be 
 offended when ye see me rise whole and entire to 
 my father in heaven? Oh, sir, I ask you, would 
 not our Saviour have explained, if he could, to have 
 saved those who forsook him 1 — but no, he does it 
 not. When I had finished, you very quietly told 
 me, I had made a great mistake, for that chapter did 
 not apply to the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper at 
 all. This was something quite new, however, I 
 turned to the eleventh chapter of 1 Cor. 29th verse, 
 where it says, they who communicate unworthily, 
 eat and drink their own damnation, not discerning 
 
148 
 
 the Lord's body. I asked you if this referred to the 
 Sacrament, to which you instantly replied yes: 
 then I refer to the marginal reference of my Oxford 
 Bible, and it refers me from that passage to the 
 sixth chapter of John. Now sir, I ask you, is it 
 likely God would damn us for not discerning what 
 by your account is not there to be discerned ? or 
 what am I or any Protestant to do 1 We are told to 
 examine our Bible, and compare scripture with 
 scripture, and either my Bible has led me astray, or 
 you are under a mistake. Which it must be, I leave 
 you to decide. 
 
 " Having gained this advantage over you, you 
 instantly changed the subject, and urged the unrea- 
 sonableness of the doctrine of transubstantiation. It 
 was contrary, you insisted, to reason, for indeed 
 neither reason nor sense will permit us to believe 
 such a doctrine. But that you, a Bible clergyman, 
 should condemn my belief on such grounds, not a 
 little surprises me, and, indeed I am sure, any can- 
 did person would allow such an unexpected charge, 
 was enough to put me off my defence. 
 
 " I now beg to tell you, sir, it is not by reason 
 nor by sense, my Catholic hopes are to be saved, 
 but by faith, and that transubstantiation is above 
 both, I allow, but not more so than the incarnation 
 of our Lord. I remember I said this to you, and you 
 answered yes, but, we saw our Lord. Now, al- 
 though I cannot exactly agree with you there, for I 
 never saw him, yet I will suppose the case that you 
 
149 
 
 did see him, Christ says, blessed are they who not 
 having seen shall believe. Besides, supposing you 
 did see him, it was only the man Jesus you saw ; 
 but of what avail would believing in Christ's man- 
 hood be, unless you added his Godhead also 1 Is it, 
 therefore, according to reason, I would ask you, that 
 God was born man in a stable, of a Virgin, and suf- 
 fered death to redeem man ? If it be, your reasoning 
 powers must differ from all your fellow men ; if it 
 is not, therf you believe it not according to reason, 
 or what is still more probable, you do not believe it 
 at all. 
 
 " But I would ask you once more, is the doctrine 
 of the Blessed Trinity according to reason] I am 
 sure you cannot say yes, and yet, I know, you dare 
 not say you do not believe it. It cannot be that you 
 will say as in the case of Christ, that you have seen 
 the Blessed Trinity. Do you sir believe this doc- 
 trine] If so, it is not according to reason you 
 believe — thousands, I know, think it contrary to 
 reason, but they are consistent for holding your 
 argument, they reject it from their creed, for its 
 unreasonableness. It therefore follows, either you 
 are inconsistent, or you believe not according to 
 reason. I would also ask you, if reason were our 
 only rule in the reception of scripture, what man in 
 his senses could proceed further than the first page 
 of either Testament 1 
 
 " Once more you asked me to explain how this 
 change could be effected — I will promise to tell you, 
 
 13* 
 
150 
 
 if you will first explain to me how five loaves and 
 three small fishes, after feeding 5000 persons, were 
 more than would fill twelve baskets. Oh ! sir, 
 indeed to be free of your Lord, I must tell you such 
 reasoning is not of God. I may say so from the 
 authority of scripture, for it tells us, N it is hy faith 
 we must be saved, and faith is the evidence of things 
 not seen, whereas you condemn me because I believe 
 without being able to see, feel, and taste, 
 
 "My dear sir, pardon me, but I must return your 
 own words upon you, and remind you we shall all 
 three have to account for what passed the morning I 
 saw you. I now humble myself before God, and 
 entreat he will give me grace to profit by what 
 passed, and pardon all that I was deficient in. You, 
 sir, if you are a sincere man, will do the same; but 
 I tremble when I think of how you deceived my 
 parent, and of the account you will have to render 
 for those words you uttered. Such words and such 
 reasoning from a Protestant minister, ought to have 
 sounded as a trumpet in his ear, telling him all was 
 not right, that he had been deceived, and that he 
 was reared to believe a lie. It should at least have 
 stirred him up to search, and to arouse himself, for 
 if such should be the case, the time is little enough 
 to repair the error of a whole life. He is sincere 
 sir, I pray God so may you be ; but for him I am as 
 importunate with God, as ever Dives was to Abra- 
 ham for his five brethren. I pray also for you, sir, 
 although faith, that is not strong, can hope nothing 
 
151 
 
 for you ; for as it is hard for a camel to go through 
 the eye of a needle, so hard is it for a rich man, or 
 one who derives his riches from preaching a false 
 faith, to be converted. But with God nothing is 
 impossible. Faith is His especial gift, and I know 
 full well, unless He bestow it, one would rise from 
 the dead in vain to produce it. Christ said himself, 
 * no man can come unto me unless my Father draw 
 him,' oh then, sir, if ever it be your lot to be thus 
 drawn, and I hope it may, as you told me your own 
 mother had been a Catholic, and as she now, I 
 trust, pleads for you in heaven, oh, forget not then 
 to undo by your testimony, and your prayers, what 
 you did that morning to keep my father in the dark- 
 ness of unbelief. I commit you both to God, who 
 is merciful and just, and remain most respectfully, 
 " Your humble servant, 
 "FANNY MARIA PITTAR." 
 
 To this letter I never received an answer. 
 One would have thought this zealous man 
 would have thought it worth his while to 
 make one effort, by way of reply, to recover 
 the sheep that had strayed ; but no — a soul 
 who could believe such an absurdity, as that 
 a part of a thing could ever become a whole, 
 (as in the case of each host becoming a 
 whole Christ,) was not worth a thought. 
 
152 
 
 This was another of his arguments against 
 our receiving Christ whole and entire in the 
 Sacrament. Oh folly, folly, such reasoning 
 indeed should be sufficient to awake one 
 out of their slumber — but, alas ! it is not. 
 Fancy a reasonable mind on all other sub- 
 jects, being able to say, "my children I 
 wish you to be read and fully instructed on 
 all subjects, save one, and on that subject I 
 command you never to hear or read a line 
 — that subject the Catholic faith— and fancy 
 children arrived at the years of discretion 
 satisfied, because a secret voice tells them, 
 that to examine into Catholicity they must 
 embrace it. But I will forbear while I am 
 in the land of prayer, I will pray and hope 
 for the * parent who issued the command, 
 and for the sisters and brothers who quietly 
 assented to it. 
 
 One word more and then I conclude. To 
 you who still condemn me, I would simply 
 ask, will you answer for my soul at the 
 great and final day of judgment, or think 
 you it will avail you, should you hear the 
 great judge declare, I had saved my soul by 
 
153 
 
 becoming a Catholic — think you, I say, it 
 will avail you to urge, you thought I was 
 wrong? No, you know such an excuse will 
 not avail you then, and you also know you 
 will not be responsible for me — therefore, 
 my word to you is to take heed to your- 
 selves. 
 
 But to those, who may be more just and 
 reasonable, and who allow I had just cause 
 for this change, even to them, I leave my 
 last charge, search for yourselves — for if I 
 had reason to change, so is there reason you 
 should do so also. See what this religion 
 is, that is so universally despised and abused, 
 and still has power, as with the strength of 
 iron, to hold and retain those, who enrol 
 themselves on her lists, and those most 
 firmly, who once were most clamorous 
 against her. — Search, I say, for yourselves, 
 and think not you overcome the truth, when 
 you commit it to the flames ; no, if it meets 
 no better defeat than this, it is but consumed, 
 to rise up in judgment against you. 
 
 Search, therefore, from the only source 
 you can depend upon.— Would you condemn 
 
r " 'Hfl-fS, 
 
 a Protestant, for his belief, on the testimony 
 of an infidel? No, you would not; — ithen, 
 refuse not to Catholics, what you would 
 demand for yourself. Go then, to those to 
 whom her faith is confided, to her clergy- 
 men, who are devoted to her interests, 
 though other motives are charged upon 
 them. Go to them, I say again, who have 
 given up all for their Master's service ; they 
 are public property, the poor man's friend 
 as well as the rich, and whose reward is, to 
 win souls into Christ's fold. Speak not ill 
 of these men, until you have been eye-wit- 
 ness to their evil deeds, and when you wit- 
 ness it, remember there was a Judas ! Go, 
 and may God only deal with you as gra- 
 ciously and as generously as he has with 
 me ; and give you but an equal share of joy 
 and peace, and your soul will be more than 
 satisfied— more than rewarded, for all it 
 may have suffered, in the trials unavoidable 
 in changing any faith, be it what it may, for 
 Catholicity. 
 
 FANNY MARIA PITTAR. 
 March, 1842. 
 
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