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TWO GRAY TOURISTS 
 
 From Papers of Mr. Philemoe Perch. 
 
 — EDITED BY- 
 
 RICHARD MALCOLM JOHNSTON, 
 
 Author of "Old Mark Langston," "Dukesborough 
 
 <\* 
 
 
 ** His travel has not stopped him 
 As you suppose, nor altered any freedom, 
 But made him far more clear and excellent. 
 
 —Queen of Corinth. 
 
 new yobk : 
 P. J. KENEDY, 
 
 ExcEiiSion Catholic Publishing Homo, 
 
 5 Babciay Stbeet, 
 
 1893. 
 
* 
 
 J) c\ vq 
 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 This work contains an account, written by Mr. 
 Philemon Perch, of a brief tour, made by himself 
 together with his friend, Major James Rawls, both 
 natives of the State of Georgia (the latter yet resident 
 therein), in England, Scotland, Belgium, the Rhine- 
 region, Switzerland, and France. They are dear 
 friends, and have been for more than forty years, 
 though, in some respects, quite dissimilar. Mr. 
 Perch, a student, tall and slender, is sentimental, 
 often absent-minded, and perhaps too fond of anti- 
 quarian research. Major Rawls, a planter, stout, 
 rather below middle height, is practical, entirely 
 modern, energetic, and, on occasion, somewhat pug- 
 nacious. This is a record of the sights these tourists 
 saw together, and the impressions made upon them. 
 I found, on reading the manuscript, that their dis- 
 cussions upon several subjects of former and present 
 interest had brought forth many observations upon 
 the classical, mediaeval, and modern conditions of 
 some of the scenes through which they passed. 
 
 To my proposal to publish, Mr. Perch assented 
 more readily, because of a habit of printing his 
 thoughts. Major Rawls, perhaps,would have preferred 
 to keep out of print, but for his affection for his 
 
 (3) 
 
IV PREFACE. 
 
 friend, and, partly, the urgent entreaties of his 
 youngest son, Jake. Moreover, he argued (with 
 himself), that among his numerous friends and 
 acquaintances, he had been questioned about this 
 journey some two thousand times, more or less, and 
 he wondered whether it might not be about as well to 
 let Phil (as he calls him) tell what there was in it, 
 and so leave himself to have something else to talk 
 about. He has not seen what is herein written ; but 
 he was ready to conclude that if Mr. Perch could 
 stand it he might also. 
 
 Acting on such consent, I submit these papers, 
 hoping that whoever reads them may have some 
 measure of the entertainment that I have had in 
 editing. R. M. J. 
 
TABLE OF COHTEHTS. 
 
 PAGE. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 Major Rawls' Proposal; Misgivings; A Timely Comforter; 
 The Departure 1 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 The Gallia ; Miscalculations of Mr. Minton about Meat and 
 Greens ; A Contagion ; Champagne and Crackers ; The 
 Fog-Horn; Partial Eclipses of Honeymoons. . . 9 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 A Lesson from the Liverpool Docks ; An Unexpected Host ; 
 The Proprietor of the Adelphi; Chester; Completing 
 the Circle ; Advice to the Dean 23 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 English Railroads; The Question of Water; Shrewsbury 
 Clock; Boscobel; Kings, especially Queens; Birming- 
 ham . . .38 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 Leamington ; Stoneleigh ; Rabbits' Evening Hop ; Kenil- 
 worth ; "The King's Head " of Coventry; The Thread 
 of Ariadne ; St. Michael's ; Lady Godiva. . .48 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 Guy's Cliffe ; Warwick Castle ; Sideboards, Bowls and Pots ; 
 Charlecote ; The Red Horse ; Two Kinds of Roses ; Ma- 
 ternal Prophesyings ; Curse of Venus. . . .62 
 
 (5) 
 
VI CCXNTEHTS. 
 
 PAGE. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 Sunday Morning in the Country ; Randolph of Oxford ; St. 
 Mary's ; Tom; Old Shoes Preferred ; Tomb of the Fair 
 Rosamond ; Godstowe ; The Queen at Home. . . 75 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 The Langham ; Decline of Barmaids ; Ages of the Old Mas- 
 ters ; Queen Eleanour's Pall-bearers ; Removal of Poetry 
 from Chester Walls to Whitehall; Westminster ; Achilles 
 and the Grasshopper 83 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 Room for the Dead ; St. James' and Green Parks ; Accident 
 to the Poet Rogers ; Rotten Row and the Ring ; Ken- 
 sington ; A Sensible Widow ; The Argyle. . . ,93 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 Henrietta Maria ; Literary Revolution ; Temple Bar and the 
 Fleet ; Goldsmith and Johnson ; The Roses ; St. Bride's ; 
 The Nosegay of St. Sepulchre's ; St. Paul's ; The Tower ; 
 Raleigh's History 106 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 John's Tower at Windsor ; Joanna Beaufort ; Heme's Oak; 
 The Warmest Dress a Man Can Wear ; Kew Gardens 
 and Emily ; The Star and Garter; Riches and Poverty ; 
 Assault with a Case Knife; Horace Walpole ; Pope's 
 Grotto ; Hampton Court ; From Kew to Westminster 
 Bridge ; London Charities 119 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 Queen Boadicea and Silanus; Mr. Flynt of Yorkshire; 
 Robin and Kirksley Hall ; The Black Swan ; Bishops- 
 thorpe ; Yorkminster ; Severus and Julia Domna ; Con- 
 stantine the Great ; Marriage Lotteries ; Pons Aelii of 
 Hadrian; Bede and Saint Cuthbert; Holy Well of 
 Jesus; The Cheviots and the Lothians. . . .137 
 
CONTENTS. Vll 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 Holyrood ; Heart of Midlothian; Castle ; Stirling ; The 
 Bag-pipes ; The Stag-Hunt ; Familiar Whiskey Music ; 
 Loch Katrine ; Scotch Bens ; Rob Roy ; Dunbarton ; 
 Glasgow ; Kirkconnel lee ; Ayrshire : The Duke of Port- 
 land ; Dumfries ; The Claymore and Basket-making ; 
 Gretna-Green; Carlisle. . ... . .151 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 Assault upon Mr. Rawls ; Antwerp ; Brussels ; Waterloo ; 
 Lou vain ; Aix-la-Chapelle ; Speculations on the Dom, 
 on Going to Meeting and on Smells; Discharging a 
 Touter ; Oppidum Ubiorum. ..... 175 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 The Rhine ; Bonn ; Legend of Roland seek ; Coblentz ; The 
 Pfalz ; The Rhinegau ; Mayence ; A Bottle of Johannis- 
 berger ; Darmstadt ; June Bugs ; Heidelberg ; The Black 
 Forest ; Harvesting. . . ... . . . 192 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 Baden-Baden ; Bee Raising in Germany ; Convent of Lich- 
 tenstein ; Strassburg ; Consule Planco ; A Cure for 
 Love; "The Three Kings;''' Lucerne; Lion of Thor- 
 waldsen ; The Righi ; The Brunig ; Brienz. . . . 203 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 Interlachen ; The Jungfrau ; No^el Travelling ; Getting up 
 an Avalanche ; Angels' Songs ; Grindenwald ; Chamois ; 
 St. Beatus ; Thun ; Geneva ; Orgetorix ; None of Your 
 Pontoons 214 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 Lake Leman ; Chillon ; Josephine ; Temperance-Laws ; The 
 Diligence ; A Gentle Caution ; Chamouni ; Mer de Glace ; 
 Caballinium and Dumnorix ; Dijon ; The Senones Gauls. 227 
 
nu CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 Place de la Concorde; Champs Elysees; Strange Sunday 
 Doings ; The Madeleine ; Faubourg St. Antoine ; Pere 
 Lachaise; Notre Dame ; Hotel Cluny ; Julian the Apos- 
 tate ; Old Col. Blackford ; Hotel des Invalides ; Champ 
 de Mars ; Bois de Boulogne 240 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 The Luxembourg ; Delaroach's Death of Elizabeth ; 
 The Louvre; Palais Royal; The Bourse; St. Cloud; 
 Versailles ; Convention of Dogs ; French Charities ; 
 Rouen ; Uncertainty about Dinner ; Three Cups of Coffee 
 and an Exordium. ....... 250 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 Tring ; Nell Gwynne ; Weedon ; The Mercians ; Via Vitel- 
 liana; Rugby; The Difficulty with School-masters; 
 Something Better than English Lakes; Emigrants' 
 Amusements ; The Pilot Boat ; The New York Herald; 
 Wants; Retrospection; Adieux 264 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 CHAPTER I, 
 
 T was a matter of some surprise to me one day 
 to get a letter from my old friend, Jim Kawls, 
 of Todd's Mill, Georgia, proposing that he and 
 I should make a voyage to Europe together. 
 "When I was younger and more prosperous,! had often 
 dreamed, and so had Jim sometimes, of a brief tour in 
 the Old World, and we had been hindered first by one 
 and then another obstacle: dread of the great waters, 
 reluctance to put ourselves at so vast distance from home, 
 business engagements, and so forth. Years passed, the 
 war came, bringing what it brought, and leaving what 
 it left. Not that it left Jim in as sad condition as that 
 of most others in his section. He yet had a good plan- 
 tation, with grist and saw mills, some State bonds and 
 railroad stocks, with several of his neighbors as debtors. 
 With the last he made generous compositions, and went 
 to work with renewed vigor. One of his sons had died 
 while serving in the army. This hurt him sorely; for 
 the boy was very promising. But his two others had 
 come through unscathed in health and character, and 
 little Jake was born some years afterwards. There were 
 
2 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 two married daughters, and one single. Above them all 
 was his wife, once Miss Emily Todd, whom he has 
 always believed, and most probably always will believe 
 to be, the finest woman in Georgia. His former slaves, 
 or the most of them, have remained with him, and mat- 
 ters at his home look very much as in old times. 
 
 Yet his health of late had declined somewhat. He 
 always would cry a little whenever the war was men- 
 tioned, and he thought of his boy. His family feared 
 he had been yielding too frequently to that regret, 
 and they persuaded him to take a sea voyage. Singu- 
 larly enough, I had been entertaining a similar notion- 
 occasionally throughout the winter. His consent to go 
 was conditioned upon my accompanying him ; and cer- 
 tainly I could not have desired a more fit companion in 
 travel than my old friend of forty-five years and upwards. 
 For Jim Eawls is as true a man as I ever knew. Al- 
 though he had never taken eagerly to books while at 
 school, yet, after growing up, he has read extensively, 
 especially on history, agriculture, and mechanics, and 
 is right familiar with Shakspeare, the only poet he 
 cares much about. He is brave, even inclining to 
 pugnacity, but thoroughly generous and good humored. 
 From the letter he wrote to me, I saw that, in spite of 
 some loss of health and spirit, not nigh all the old fund 
 of good humor had left him. 
 
 " The truth is, Phil, if you and I are ever to see the 
 old country, it's got to be soon. It won't be long before 
 it will be slow travelling for you and me. And then 
 both of us are rusty ; you not so much as I am, but you 
 ain't bright like you used to be when you were young. 
 I told Emily so the last time you were here ; and then 
 Emily laughed and said that Bob Dudley's wife told her 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 3 
 
 that you had said exactly the same thing about me. 
 Now a little travel, if we can make the trip, and get 
 back all safe, will do us both good, freshen us up a 
 little, make our folks think a little more of us, and, 
 may be, even feel a little proud of us. Think on it, 
 and think fast. If you'll go, I will. If you won't, 
 I won't. But let us try and make the trip, and have 
 a little bit of fun together one more time, and have 
 something to talk about instead of hanging on to what 
 we've talked out heretofore." 
 
 And yet, after we had agreed, the undertaking 
 seemed to us both, especially to me, so vast and perilous, 
 that I doubt if we should'nt have retreated but for the 
 urgent persuasions of our friends and the fear of being 
 considered as having too much levity for men of our 
 age. Jim had the advantage over me of having been 
 the first to take leave and break off from home. Besides, 
 he was always a man of more resolute purpose than 
 myself, and could do, thoroughly and without hesita- 
 tion, whatever he had once made up his mind to. By 
 the time he had reached my residence, he had the talk 
 and the air of a man who had travelled considerably 
 already. I caught as much of his infection as I could, 
 and when the young people, in obedience to his request, 
 brought out from the piles of old forgotten songs, "A 
 Life on the Ocean Wave," and he pretended to keep 
 time to the music, if I had been even more soft than I 
 was already, I should have been forced to laugh heartily. 
 
 " Phil, my boy, we shall soon be laying our hands on 
 old ocean's mane, and playing familiar with his hoary 
 locks, as the ancient writers used to say." 
 
 l( "What do you suppose Byron meant by that sort of 
 talk, Jim?" 
 
4 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 " I never had the slightest idea; but it sounds plucky. 
 Still, if old ocean will take us over and bring us back 
 again safe and sound, I shan't meddle with his locks 
 nor anything else that belongs to him." 
 
 We reached New York on the day before the Gallia 
 was to sail. The interval we spent, for the most part, 
 in our chamber, talking together with what spirit we 
 could command, and writing repeated farewells to those 
 at home. "We boarded at the St. Nicholas. Once, while 
 he was writing to Jake, I saw Jim brush a tear from his 
 eye. How the sight touched me ! He noticed it, and 
 at once rose and rung the bell. 
 
 " Bring us up," he said to the servant, " two good, big, 
 stiff juleps, with a plenty of mint, and everything else 
 in 'em." 
 
 Upon my word. I doubt if I ever knew a circum- 
 stance, so inconsiderable in itself, to exert a more speedy, 
 and sustaining, and even elevating influence upon per- 
 sons at our time of life. Jim said it reminded him of 
 home in a pleasant way ; no sadness about it. He had 
 had no idea that they could make such juleps so far 
 north. We occupied the same chamber — for that was 
 one of the items in our plans. 
 
 "The truth is, Phil, we are going a long way farther 
 from home than we've ever been before, and we must 
 stick together. I never was a man to be afraid much of 
 robbers and pickpockets in this country. But when a 
 fellow is about five or six thousand miles from home, 
 and among outlandish people, its another sort of thing 
 altogether." 
 
 "All right; but you somewhat exaggerate the distance, 
 Jim." 
 
 " Oh, well, a few miles more or less don't make much 
 difference when we are on as big figures as we are now." 
 
TWO GEAY TOUEISTS. Sf 
 
 He had always been a good provider. Although wC 
 had determined to take no trunks along wUh us, so as 
 to avoid their incumbrance and the dela}'S thej might 
 cause at railway stations, yet it was interesting to notice 
 how many articles of necessity and convenience he had 
 managed to get into his valise and bag. The most of 
 these he brought with him from home. Yet here, he 
 was frequently going out and returning with some new 
 article he had purchased. At one time it was a couple 
 of small phials of paregoric ; for he always got two of 
 every item : one for himself, and one for me. At another, 
 it would be a couple of pipes and packages of tobacco 
 or cigars. About ten minutes before we were to leave 
 the hotel, he ran out suddenly, and, returning with two 
 additional combs, handed one to me. I was leaning on 
 the office counter, talking with one of the men. 
 
 " Why, what upon earth did you get them for, Jim ? 
 We had them already." 
 
 " Never do you mind. Do you put it in your valise. 
 You're going among strange people, and you don't know 
 what all you'll need. 
 
 And while he was unlocking his valise and wedging 
 in the comb, he looked up at the man, and asked : 
 
 "Ain't that so, mister ? " 
 
 " No doubt about that," he answered, with a smile. 
 " That's a very useful article to take along. I wonder 
 more people don't do it." 
 
 We shook hands with him the more cordially, because 
 he had been very civil to us, and this was to be our last 
 hand-shaking on the eve of a long voyage. Jim held 
 his hand a moment or two, and, with tears in his eyes, 
 said: 
 
 "Good-bye, mister. You've treated us civilly since 
 1* 
 
6 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 we've been here, and I'm much obliged to yon. If yon 
 hear of anything happening to ns while we're gone, I 
 hope you'll write to my wife. You'll see there, on your 
 book, where to direct your letter; and if I get back 
 safe, as please God I hope to do, and you ever come to 
 Georgia I want you to come right straight to my house." 
 
 The man thanked him, and promised to write, if neces- 
 sary. But he protested that it would be all right. 
 Never so safe, you know, as when on a Cunard steamer. 
 
 "Yes, yes. Oh, yes. Thank ye; good-bye; God 
 bless you." 
 
 And we got into the omnibus. 
 
 Arrived at the wharf in Jersey City, we went imme- 
 diately on board and were led to our state-room. It was 
 about amidships, on the lower tier, opening upon an 
 alcove of four or five feet, which, separating ours from 
 another state-room, led into the lower saloon. Because 
 I suggested that, being the stouter man of the two, he 
 should take the lower berth, Jim at once insisted, as 
 being the stronger and more active, upon going up 
 stairs, as he styled taking the upper. We compromised 
 by agreeing to alternate, according to circumstances. 
 He at once went to work arranging things. Every arti- 
 cle of mine he moved, evidently to advantage, from the 
 place where I had placed it, and I was delighted to see 
 how snugly we were fixed when he had finished. Then 
 he took from his pocket several pieces of English silver 
 money, held them in one open hand, and laying his 
 finger on one after another, he asked of our steward : 
 
 "What's that?" 
 
 "Two shillins, sir." 
 
 "And that?" 
 
 " 'Arf a crown, sir." 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 7 
 
 "A what?" 
 
 " 'Arf a crown, sir." 
 
 Jim hesitated. 
 
 " You mean half, don't you ? " 
 
 " Yes, sir ; 'arf, 'arf a crown." 
 
 "And this big fellow?" 
 
 "A crown, sir." 
 
 "Then, by good rights, its worth, or ought to be 
 twice as much as the little one." 
 
 " H'oh yes, sir ; two 'arves make a 'ole one, you know, 
 sir." 
 
 " I suppose they do among you English. Well, now, 
 which is the most, the two shillings or the 'arf a crown ? " 
 
 " H'oh, the arf a crown, sir. Sixpens' the most." 
 
 " Well, now, here's two of these 'arf a crowns to begin 
 with ." 
 
 But I put my hand on Jim's shoulder, and insisted 
 that such as that must not go on, and gave the steward 
 my own money. He put one of his pieces into hi3 pocket, 
 protesting that I was mighty particular. Besides, 
 being one of the most liberal men, and with pecuniary 
 means much greater than my own, I had suspected that 
 somehow he had considered himself partially responsible 
 for my undertaking an expense which he knew I could 
 not very well afford, and that he ought to lessen it as far 
 as he could with my allowance. But he respected my 
 feelings, and generally let me have my own way. 
 
 Having arranged our state-room satisfactorily, we went 
 ashore in order to purchase our deck-chairs. Jim lis- 
 tened politely to what each vender had to say, and then 
 from the stock of the one who seemed the most needy, 
 made his selection. 
 
 "Let me have the key to your valise," he said, when 
 we were on board again. 
 
8 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 "What for?" 
 
 "I've a few useful little things in my pocket that I'm 
 afraid I have'nt room for in mine." 
 
 He took my key, and returning shortly afterwards 
 from the state-room, said : 
 
 " If you ain't a traveller, I don't know one. Your 
 things are upside down already. I see I'll have to look 
 after you, young man." 
 
 I found afterwards that he had put into the valise 
 needles, thread, and at least a gross of buttons of 
 assorted sizes. 
 
 " I hope we have'nt forgotten anything, Phil." 
 
 " I have no fears on that score." 
 
 "You? No, I suppose not." 
 
 We were much interested in the scenes that were 
 around us, the busy stirring of our fellow-passengers, 
 the merry chattings of some, the sad words of others. 
 There were smiles and tears. At last the anchor was 
 lifted, the bell rang, those who had come to witness the 
 departure descended from the deck, the gangway was 
 taken off, Captain Moodie, with hand uplifted, gave the 
 signal, the bell rang, and we were tugged slowly away. 
 "Good-bye, good-bye," was sounded many times from 
 hundreds of tongues. " Good-bye ! " joined in Jim, with 
 trembling, but hearty voice. And so he joined in the 
 waving of hats and handkerchiefs when the voices were 
 no longer audible; and though he did not know a single 
 soul, I noticed that he was the last to make these mute 
 farewells. 
 
 "Phil," said he, putting his handkerchief into his 
 pocket, "these northern people are friendlier than I 
 thought." 
 
CHAPTER II, 
 
 GOOD, brave ship is the Gallia, and Captain 
 Moodie as good looking and gallant a com- 
 mander as any reasonable voyager might desire. 
 Jim said that it made him feel stiffer in the 
 back while, looking into his ruddy face, he heard him 
 say that he had crossed the Atlantic more than one 
 hundred times. The drawback, however, Jim argued, 
 was in the reflection that if such luck was ever to change 
 it was now about the time Yet we both felt our greatest 
 sense of security in reliance upon the protection of the 
 Almighty, who, whatever He did, would do what was 
 best and mercifullest. 
 
 To those whose minds were not preoccupied, it was a 
 fair sight, that New York Bay, as we glided smoothly 
 over its surface. But our thoughts were of our homes ; 
 and already these seemed becoming more and more im- 
 measureably distant. 
 
 " We are in for it now, Phil, sure enough," said Jim, 
 in a tone of half humorous, half sad resignation, as the 
 pilot left us and we steamed off again. " Now let's sit 
 down and take a good, civil smoke." 
 
 " No, let's wait," said I. " It's now half-past eleven, 
 and lunch is at twelve." 
 
 " You don't mean dinner ? " 
 
 " Of course not ; dinner is at four. They have five 
 meals a day here." 
 
10 TWO OKAY TOURISTS, 
 
 '•The mischief you say." 
 
 "Certainly; breakfast at eight, lunch at twelve, din- 
 ner at four, tea at seven, and supper at nine." 
 
 " Well now, that's what I call good, fair, liberal board. 
 Five meals a day sounds well." 
 
 He was fond of good eating, was Jim, and he always 
 had it at home, although, as was and is the old Georgia 
 country custom, he had dinner at a little past noon and 
 only three meals a day, 
 
 " You see, Phil, if we ain't always hungry at meal 
 times it is a good way to pass off the time, especially 
 when a fellow is away from home. For no matter how 
 he feels, there is something cheerful in all sitting down 
 to table and hearing the rattle of knives and forks and 
 plates. Even when I don't feel like eating myself — and 
 that's mighty seldom — I love to see other people eat, and 
 hear 'em talk while they are eating. Yes, sir, that's 
 good; I'm glad to hear that." 
 
 His brightness served to relieve much of my own 
 gloom, and when the eight bells sounded we were quite 
 ready for lunch. Our seats were near the stern. Jim 
 said he liked that because it gave us a better view of the 
 saloon. 
 
 " I don't know so well about that, Jim/' said I, " for 
 in rough weather the pitch will be greater here." 
 
 " Why you don't expect to get sea-sick ? I don't I 
 ain't quite what I used to be in some things, but my 
 stomach is as sound as a dollar." 
 
 I said nothing more. 
 
 "I tell you they don't spare expense on these ships. 
 Why here's a regular dinner, Phil, except hot meats. 
 We must'nt eat too much lunch or we may get into the 
 same case for dinner as Bob Minton got in for his pie." 
 
 -What was that?" 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 11 
 
 " Boh said that one day when he was a littlb boy and 
 his mother had company for dinner, she said to the 
 children, as they were stting down to table, that the one 
 who ate the most meat and greens should have the most 
 pie. In his eagerness to beat his brother Sam, Bob ate 
 so much meat and greens that he had no room for any 
 pie. He always said, Bob did, that cf all the calcula- 
 lations he ever did make, that was the foolishest. What 
 made it worse was, that Sam laughed at him until he 
 cried, and hit Sam with a potato^ when his mother gave 
 him a whipping. Bob says he had always had a disgust 
 for meat and greens just by themselves since that day. 
 He said also, that though he always had been and always 
 expected to be a poor man, he intended to have some 
 sort of desert, as he called it, every day, even when he 
 can't have anything but corn bread and molasse3." 
 
 By this time, though the weather was fine, yet the roll 
 of the sea was much more considerable than we had 
 expected. 
 
 " My gracious ! " said Tim, " don't she put up ? " 
 
 But he ate his prunes with a relish; and smiting his 
 breast proudly with his open hands, said that all was 
 right there. As we went out of the saloon and through 
 the passage between the upper berths, several ladies, 
 looking quite pale, entered them in considerable haste, 
 and we heard some suspicious sounds. 
 
 " Poor things ! " said Jim ; " got it already. You see, 
 Phil, women's stomachs ain't strong like men's anyhow. 
 Then they take so little exercise that, in fact, they ain't 
 fit to travel on water. Well, I'm sorry for 'em. Do you 
 know, Phil, that there's two couples here?" 
 
 " Two couples ? Couples of what ? " 
 
 " Two couples just married," 
 
12 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 " How did you find out ? " 
 
 " I knew it from their actions ; for one couple behaved 
 as if they were especially anxious that nobody should 
 find out that they were just married, and the other that 
 they should. Well, it does seem to me that this is about 
 the last place I should choose for my honeymoon, if I 
 had that time to go over again. But people ain't all 
 alike, I suppose. These northern people have a plenty of 
 money, and they have to find various ways of spending 
 it. Will you have a light ? " 
 
 He drew a cigar, and puffed away delightedly. 
 
 We had placed our chairs near the mizzenmast, and 
 not far from the captain's room. The latter came out 
 where we were, when Jim rose and offered him his chair 
 and a cigar. The chair was declined, and the cigar 
 accepted politely. 
 
 " If you like that cigar, captain, we have a plenty, and 
 will be glad if you will help us smoke them on the way, 
 as they tell us we can't carry 'em into your country." 
 
 "Ay, ay. I guess they won't be very particular about 
 a few cigars, especially with such gentlemen as you are." 
 
 "You think that?" 
 
 " Oh, ay." 
 
 "And, captain, I have some first-rate brandy in my 
 valise. If you feel a little — unwell any time or — any 
 wise — or disposed — " 
 
 "Oh, thanks! but I never take anything to drink 
 when on the passage." 
 
 " The mischief you don't." 
 
 "Never; yet I'm much obliged by your kindness. 
 This is a fine cigar." 
 
 " Glad you like it ; have another ? " 
 
 " Thanks ; not just now." 
 
TWO GItAY TOURISTS. 13 
 
 " Everything looks very pleasant here, captain." 
 
 "Oh, ay. The June passage, you know, is always 
 considered delightful. Will you be sea-sick ? " 
 
 "Not the slightest idea of it. The June passage, 
 you say, is a favorite one, is it captain ? I'm glad we 
 took it then, Phil. A clever fellow that captain is," he 
 continued, as the latter walked away, "and a friendly 
 fellow. From his jolly red face, I thought sure he must 
 take at least one good drink a day. I knew he would 
 like that cigar. I can't quite afford such as these at 
 home; but I mean to enjoy myself as well as I can 
 while I'm in for it. Emily said she wanted me to enjoy 
 myself just as much as I could, and I'm going to do it." 
 
 His native heartiness and his facility to adapt himself 
 to different circumstances led him soon to find perfect 
 ease in the strange condition, and impart it to me. "We 
 walked about the deck, watched the in-coming and out- 
 going vessels we met and passed, or sat in our chairs 
 and chatted and smoked. The seven bells struck half- 
 past three. 
 
 " I don't feel as much like eating, Phil, as I thought 
 I would. I left off hungry at the lunch, so as not to 
 get into Bob Minton's fix, and thought I should feel 
 keen for dinner. That last cigar is the only poor one 
 I've got out of the box." 
 
 At dinner we were getting along with reasonable rel- 
 ish. With a stiff westerly breeze, we were making about 
 thirteen knots an hour, and the Gallia was bounding 
 along in her-old-fashioned way. Once or twice, even 
 while we were taking our soup, I noticed that Jim, as 
 we would descend with the sweep of the stern, turned a 
 little pale, and, laying down his spoon, pressed his knees 
 firmly against the legs of the liable, and uttered a 
 
14 TWO GEAY TOURISTS. 
 
 smothered ejaculation of " Good gracious," but looked 
 at me very sympathizingly. When I said I thought I 
 would go up stairs for a moment, he smiled dismally, 
 but said nothing, and looked doubtfully at the meats as 
 they were being brought in. I ascended the stairs, 
 made for my chair, and put myself in as horizontal re- 
 lation with it as possible. Eive minutes afterwards, 
 hearing behind me melancholy sounds, I turned, and 
 Jim was holding to a rope, leaning over the side of the 
 vessel and apparently complaining to somebody beneath. 
 A sense of duty prompted me to rise and go to his 
 assistance; but I could get no further than the rope 
 next the one he had. 
 
 "Jim," I asked. "Are you " But my own at- 
 tention was also drawn to the objects beneath. 
 
 " Yesh. Oh, yesh. Oh, my goodness gracious ! Oh, 
 hello ! What mat — Pill. You shick, too ? Oh, yesh. 
 Never spect — oh goodness gra — Never felt — so — life 
 before. What— do— Pill ? " 
 
 Disjointed as were his words, they were better than I 
 could have employed. So I kept silent, at least of all 
 articulate expression. Jim stood as long as he could ; 
 but he sank at last, and was in the attitude of a man at 
 his prayers, except that his jaw was laid upon the rail 
 in the few intervals of its rest. 
 
 Whoever has suffered from sea-sickness remembers it 
 without description, and whoever has not so suffered 
 would find no description adequate. There is no foul 
 odor, real or conceivable, that does not enter or seem to 
 enter the nostrils of a sea-sick man ; no species of bitter, 
 poisonous herb, of filthy, venomous reptile, that he 
 does not feel to have eaten, and now to be destined to 
 die therefrom. Added to these are the mental anguish, 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 15 
 
 the sense of profoundest degradation for having deserted 
 one's home, and family, and country, and being pursued 
 as a deserter, and caught, and punished in the most 
 humiliating and disgusting of all ways, the gradual 
 exhaustion of life by body-and-soul sickness, and after- 
 wards thrown out, worthless even for such a purpose, to 
 the monsters of the deep. In sleep — for it is wonderful 
 how much a man can sleep in such a time, his thoughts 
 and feelings get no relief. Perhaps they are then more 
 horrible, for then the imagination is wholly unrestrained 
 by reason, and these horrible things seem real. 
 
 My friend suffered longer than I did, and, I think, 
 more grievously. By morning I could creep upon the 
 deck, while he could not be brought up until near 
 sunset, and then had to be laid flat upon his back. He 
 had been so ill that he was not aware how much I had 
 suffered, and he afterwards made me promise not to tell 
 all he had said to me in the messages which he sent to 
 his wife. Not that his breast was not as clean of wrong- 
 doing as that of any husband and father in this or any 
 other country. But he had so magnified his little infir- 
 mities, and especially the great crime of going off, and 
 as it were, running away from his family, that were I to 
 repeat, except to them, the terms which he repeatedly 
 employed, he might, and justly, be hurt. Besides, such 
 had been my own feelings, that, had he been in condition 
 to listen and sympathize, I doubtless would not have 
 varied far in the language I had employed with him. 
 
 But the getting well again. That was simply glorious. 
 I desire to see, not often, a more serene and pleasant 
 sight than when I would look at Jim Eawls two days 
 afterwardr. as he leaned far back in his chair, his appe- 
 tite promising more and more assuringly to come back, 
 
16 TWO GEAY TOURISTS. 
 
 and himself, while with sweet resignation, calmly saying 
 he had no stomach at all — none whatever, yet slowly chew- 
 ing delicate little morsels, and helping them down with 
 sips of iced champagne. While he would divide most 
 fairly, yet in the very last pouring he would linger in 
 holding the bottle's mouth down over his goblet, and, 
 imperceptibly to himself, give it a shake, and even a 
 little squeeze, for the last and a possibly one drop more. 
 That man will tell you to-day, if you were at his house 
 in Georgia, that the most speedy, effectual and pleasant 
 remedy for sea-sickness is champagne wine. It was, 
 indeed, more delightful to notice in him than to feel 
 within myself the relish of the tranquil happiness of 
 convalescence. How kindly he inquired of others as to 
 their sufferings ! How fond he was to answer them at 
 length. The sympathy he felt was rendered to him 
 abundantly, as he would prolong the accounts he gave 
 of his sufferings, innocently exaggerate them, and be 
 reluctant to admit how fast he was getting well again. 
 He had already made many acquaintances, and was on 
 familiar terms with them. At lunch hour, on the third' 
 day out, when he had finished with his champagne and 
 crackers, while half a dozen gentlemen were around him, 
 he thus let himself out : 
 
 "Yes, gentlemen, I've been through what I never 
 expected for this world, and even now I wonder that I 
 ever got through and came out a live man and in my 
 senses. My opinion on the subject of sea-sickness is, 
 that it ain't a question of stomach. My stomach is as 
 sound as anybody's. It's a — well, you may call it a sort of 
 a — epidemic on some people — or, like mumps or measles, 
 which everybody has to have one time, provided if he 
 goes where the cussed things are. Oh, you northern 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 17 
 
 people, you may laugh, but it's so. You all are used 
 to such things. You live close to the water anyhow, 
 and you get used to the smelling of it and traveling and 
 meandering about over it. The case is very different 
 with us down in Georgia, where the water, what there 
 is of it, is fresh, and everybody has a plenty of fresh air. 
 It ain't a question of stomach. My stomach's as sound 
 as a roach." 
 
 "But we thought you had been very sick at the 
 stomach." 
 
 "Of course I have; but I tell you it came on like 
 mumps or the measels, and, just like them, the older a 
 fellow gets the worse they get Mm. Sick at the stomach ? 
 Yes, indeed ! Gentlemen, my opinion is, that since the 
 creation of the world no ???£m-person ever had such a 
 sick stomach. I don't say women, for I know that's the 
 nature of some women ; but if any poor woman ever had 
 such a stomach as I had for twenty-four hours, I pity her. 
 Look here ; would you like to know some, just only a 
 few things, I conceited that I had in my stomach ? " 
 
 Of course they would, and I never heard more hearty 
 responses as, in the intervals of their laughter, he 
 recounted : 
 
 " Toad frogs ! " 
 
 "Tadpoles!" 
 
 "Peavines!" 
 
 " Old rotten fodder-blades ! " 
 
 " Brass knobs ! The reason I knew they were brass 
 was, I smelt 'em ! " 
 
 " Watermelon rinds ! " 
 
 " Grub-worms ! " 
 
 "Dish-water!" 
 
 " Scaly-bark lizards ! " 
 
 2* 
 
18 TWO GEAY TOURISTS. 
 
 " Vinegar a thousand years old ! " 
 
 " Stumps of mean cigars ! " 
 
 " Old roosters, that died of the cholera ! " 
 
 "And, what you northern people know mighty little 
 about, little niggers, all greased up with pot liquor ! " 
 
 How they did roar ! A crowd of twenty or thirty gen- 
 tlemen by this time had gathered around him, and 
 several ladies, who were standing a little way off, actually 
 cried with laughter. 
 
 "These,'' he wound up, "and many more besides, too 
 tedious to mention, seemed to be in me and tangled and 
 squirming among one another, not only in my stomach, 
 but in my very brains. Why, gentlemen, it seemed to 
 me that an old brass hoop was around my head, fastened 
 on with a glue of some sort made out of every old, mean 
 liquor in the world, that was everlastingly a melting 
 and running down on my face, and the more it melted 
 the tighter the hoop held on. The fact is, my mind 
 was worse off than my stomach. If I ever stole any- 
 thing from anybody I don't remember it, except it might 
 be a few apples or a watermelon or two when I was a 
 boy just for fun and mischief; but I tell you — no, I 
 can't talk about my mind. But I hope as long as I live 
 (and I don't think I shaV) that I'll ever feel in my mind 
 like I did then. My old friend here says he was about 
 as bad off as I was, but I've no idea of any such thing. 
 If he had been, he would'nt be a live man now, certain 
 sure. Yes, gentlemen, I've been very bad off, and I'm 
 far from being a well man yet." 
 
 He drew a long breath that was meant to be mournful, 
 but it deceived nobody. 
 
 Having recovered entirely from sea-sickness, we came 
 to thoroughly enjoy our new experience. The sight 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 19 
 
 of the good which the travel and even the sea-sickness 
 were imparting, made us glad that we had made the 
 voyage. Jim, especially, with his old heart fresh as 
 ever, relished fully the life peculiar to a sea voyage — 
 watching the seamen at their work, and especially at 
 their leisure, studying the ropes and machinery, playing 
 at shuffle-board, sitting at those five meals in which he 
 kept his vow to make up for lost time, talking with the 
 passengers, and listening to them talking about the vari- 
 ous sections in which they resided and their avocations. 
 
 One night, however, he became considerably disturbed. 
 He was a sound sleeper always, and by this time was 
 able to rest as well as if he had been home. Late in this 
 particular night, while I happened to be awake and he 
 was snoring well, the whistle suddenly sounded. It 
 awakened him, and I heard him start up. In another 
 minute the sound was repeated, when he immediately 
 sprang from the berth, and going to the lounge put his 
 eyes to the glass over the port-hole. 
 
 "Phil," said he. 
 
 "Hello." 
 
 "Sleep?" 
 
 "No." 
 
 "Did you hear that?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "What do suppose is the matter?" 
 
 " We are in the fog." 
 
 "The fog?" 
 
 ' Certainly, the fog." 
 
 "Are you awake, Phil ? " 
 
 -I am." 
 
 "Well, what do you mean by being in the fog?" 
 
 " I mean what I say. We are on the Banks." 
 
20 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 "What banks?" 
 
 " The Banks of Newfoundland. I heard the Captain 
 say to-day that we would get on them to-night, and he 
 thought the fog might be thicker than common." 
 
 " But what are they blowing the whistle for ? " 
 
 " In order to avoid collision with other ships." 
 
 " Why don't they hold up till morning ? " 
 
 " They could'nt see any further then than they can 
 now." 
 
 "What?" 
 
 "Fact." 
 
 " Well, why don't they go slower, then ? " 
 
 " Because self-preservation is the first law of nature." 
 
 " Phil, I do believe you are asleep. Wake up." 
 
 " I am awake." 
 
 " What's that you said just now ? " 
 
 " That self-preservation was the first law of nature. 
 If we go slowly, and another ship pitches into us, we 
 are split in two. If she comes slowly, and we pitch 
 into her, she goes up — or rather down." 
 
 " I do believe that fellow is asleep." 
 
 The whistle kept sounding at regular intervals. 
 
 "Phil." 
 
 "Hello, Jim." 
 
 " Is that so ? In point of fact ? " 
 
 " Certainly ; and the whistle blows in order to warn 
 any vessel that may be in hearing to get off the track." 
 
 " But suppose it was to whistle, too, and so go to 
 warning us f " 
 
 " Why, then, we would turn one way and she another, 
 and so we would pass." 
 
 "But suppose it was a sailing vessel, and had no 
 whistle." 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 21 
 
 " It would blow its fog-horn." 
 
 "Its what?" 
 
 "Its fog-horn." 
 
 " Good gracious me ! The idea of a fellow going about 
 in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean such a night as 
 this blowing a horn. Do you think there's much 
 danger ? " 
 
 " Oh, no. Collisions very seldom occur. The chances 
 are thousands to one against." 
 
 " Do you suppose the captain is up ? " 
 
 " No doubt of that ; he is on the bridge." 
 
 " How do you know ? " 
 
 "Because that's a rule of the service." 
 
 "A good rule." 
 
 He returned to his berth. Shortly afterwards, he 
 called : 
 
 "Phil." 
 
 "Hello?" 
 
 " How big is a fog-horn ? How far do you suppose a 
 fellow could hear one of 'em ? " 
 
 " I don't know ; but, I suppose, about a mile." 
 
 "A fog-horn!" he muttered, as he turned with his 
 face to the wall, " I've heard of many kind of a horn, 
 but never before now have I heard of a fog-horn." 
 
 Shortly afterwards he called again : 
 
 "Phil." 
 
 "Yes, Jim." 
 
 " Why don't you go to sleep ? " 
 
 " That whistle and you together won't let me. If one 
 of you would stop, I think I could." 
 
 He said not another word, and was soon asleep. 
 
 We were both surprised that so few ships were visible 
 during the passage, as well as the inhabitants of the 
 
2'1 TWO OKAY TOURISTS. 
 
 sea. Jim was particularly disappointed in the matter 
 of the last. He had been, he said, always desirous of 
 seeing a whale, and he suggested that owing to the 
 quantities that had been taken heretofore the breed 
 probably was thinning out. Many of the passengers 
 left us at Queenstown, among them the two young mar- 
 ried couples. 
 
 "A poor time they've had of it, I think, Phil." 
 
 "How so?" 
 
 "Why one of the fellows' wife has been sick nearly 
 half the way, and the other woman's husband has been 
 in the same fix, and when they got up, the other two 
 got down. It was like the fox, and the goose, and the 
 corn, all trying to cross over the river. One of the 
 couples don't seem to be well matched anyhow. That's 
 a beautiful girl with the yellow hair. That big-jawed 
 fellow is her husband. He is a rich pork merchant 
 from Ohio. Those jaws look as if they got to be so big 
 from calling hogs." 
 
 He had invited at least half the passengers to come to 
 see him in Georgia. Just before the arrival at Liver- 
 pool, he said to Captain Moodie : 
 
 " Well, captain, God bless you. You've done your duty 
 certain this trip. If you ever come to Georgia, captain, 
 and come to my house, if I don't treat you like a gen- 
 tleman, you may tie me, bring me back to the old Gallia, 
 and drop me in the biggest hole in the Atlantic Ocean." 
 
 "Any cigars or tobacco, sir?" asked the officer of 
 customs. 
 
 " No, sir," said Jim, " I never use tobacco except for 
 smoking, and I gave my last cigar five minutes ago to 
 the second mate. I should not wish, sir " 
 
 " Pass on gentlemen, please." 
 
CHAPTER III, 
 
 N Liverpool : at the Adelphi Hotel. Looking 
 out, and seeing, and hearing men, women, 
 horses and wagons. Such odd-looking wagons, 
 too, and those funny-looking, round-bellied, 
 snug, little Welsh ponies, that seemed to know no other 
 gait than a trot. Not to be rocking about as we had 
 been for ten days. To see, for the first time, women 
 keeping a hotel, and good-looking, smart, educated 
 women at that. Those great big beds, so curiously can- 
 opied, with as much covering on them as if instead of 
 June it had been November. The various windings we 
 had to take in order to get to our chambers. To be 
 waited on by servants in livery. "When a pretty boy 
 with violet colored livery and brass buttons brought to 
 me the first things I ordered, I had feelings approaching 
 the aristocratic. The service was trifling, and I hesi- 
 tated whether I would offer him a sixpence; but he 
 received it with such cordiality that I was glad I did it. 
 
 It was three o'clock, and, feeling like eating, we made 
 known our wants, and were invited to the coffee-room. 
 
 " The coffee-room ? " said Jim. 
 
 "Yes, sir." 
 
 "Why, my dear friend, we want our dinner. We 
 don't want any coffee this time of day." 
 
 The boy smiled, and led us across the hall, and we 
 entered the large room which, to his deligbt, Jim found 
 
 (23) 
 
24 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 to contain or to have the means of getting whatever the 
 hungriest and the daintiest might desire. A very portly 
 and elegantly-dressed man with steel-pen coat and white 
 vest and cravat met us at the door, and directed a waiter 
 to conduct us to a table. 
 
 " That's the proprietor," whispered Jim. " Don't he 
 look well fed ? And so they call a dining-room a coffee- 
 room over here. Likewise, they call a horse-car a tram- 
 way. We've got a heap to learn in the language, I see, 
 my friend. They've changed it a good deal since our 
 folks left this country." 
 
 Our sojourn in Liverpool was brief. My own pur- 
 suits and studies had always been of such kind that I 
 felt comparatively little interest in so new a city as Liv- 
 erpool, and I am almost ashamed to say that I saw little 
 more of the celebrated docks than what I could notice 
 from the ship as they lay for miles and miles on the 
 Mersey. But Jim had said that he would rather see 
 those docks than anything in England. He always had 
 had a turn for mechanics. His own mill-dam, of which 
 he was very proud, had been constructed under his im- 
 mediate supervision. While he was examining the 
 docks, I remained at the hotel, and with the map I had 
 purchased studied our routes. Before this, I had become 
 convinced that the pleasure and the benefits of each in 
 the other's companionship, instead of being impaired by 
 the diversity of our tastes and dispositions, were enhanced. 
 While Jim derived pleasure from studying the achieve- 
 ments of modern enterprise, and I was much more fond 
 than he in looking upon the relics of olden times, yet 
 this very difference served as a foil to divert the course 
 of each sometimes, when it might have led to observation 
 of things specially interesting to himself only, and at 
 other times it gave occasion to pleasant raillery. 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 25 
 
 On the second day after onr arrival, when Jim had 
 returned from his visit to the docks, full of admiration 
 for them and for the prodigious commerce of the city, I 
 listened to his ardent accounts of them with an interest 
 which I certainly had not felt in reading, and should have 
 not felt in personally inspecting them. I made a mistake, 
 however, when I began to admit that I did not at first 
 understand his eager and minute descriptions, for the 
 admission led him to make them yet more so, and I had 
 at last to assume an intelligence which I certainly did 
 not have, and, according as he was most enthusiastic in 
 his descriptions, I exhibited satisfactory attention. I 
 frankly admit now that I know little about the great 
 Liverpool docks; yet what I do no know of them I owe 
 to Jim Kawls 
 
 "Why, sir," said he, among many other things, "I 
 got an idea to-day for letting the water into my mill- 
 race and stopping it out that I would'nt grudge the 
 whole cost of this trip for. It's so perfectly simple that 
 I wonder it never occurred to me before." 
 
 And then he took my umbrella, both of our hats, and 
 some books that lay on the table in the smoking-room, 
 and he went on at such a rate that I had to say that it 
 was very simple and — indeed — decidedly first-rate. 
 
 " You see how it is, Phil, don't you ? " 
 
 " I think — I think I do. Let me see. The umbrella 
 is — the — oh — the — " 
 
 " The mill-race, of course." 
 
 "I thought so, because — it's the longest. Yes, yes, 
 that's the race. And now, let me see again. On reflec- 
 tion, I don't exactly remember whether it was your hat 
 or my hat that was the, ah — the — " 
 
 « The gate, man, the gate." 
 
26 T W GRA Y TOUEISTS. 
 
 " Oh ! Gate ! Certainly ; what was I thinking about ? 
 I understand now ; the gate." 
 
 44 The two gates." 
 
 i: Certainly; two gates. Of course, they've got to be 
 two gates, I should suppose." 
 
 " Of course ; else what in the dickence would come of 
 all the water ? " 
 
 Thus we went on for some time. 
 
 " Well, upon my word, Jim, I'm glad you went to 
 these docks. They are more interesting than I had any 
 notion of their being. And then, the valuable hints you 
 got from them." 
 
 I looked intently at the umbrella and the other arti- 
 cles, and tried to understand the hydraulic principles 
 they were meant to represent. 
 
 "Yes, yes, sir," I said, as soon as I could; "this 
 thing will be of service to you, Jim. I have no doubt. 
 I'm glad you went." 
 
 « Why, sir, I would'nt take five hundred dollars for it." 
 
 Late in the afternoon we took a long walk out on 
 Prince's Eoad, intending to visit the public park, and 
 were pleased to find that a city so mainly devoted to 
 commerce exhibited so many evidences of taste. Having 
 reached what we supposed was the park, we were sur- 
 prised to find the gates leading into it locked. Standing 
 at one of these, we were looking over upon the exquisite 
 landscape, when an elderly gentleman, who had been 
 sitting upon a rustic seat beneath a shade tree overhang- 
 ing the walk, rose, approached us, took out of his pocket 
 a key, and politely asked if we would enter. We accepted 
 promptly, remarking that, supposing the park was open 
 to the public, we had not provided ourselves with permits. 
 
 "Oh! the public park," he answered, smiling, "is 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 27 
 
 open to the public. That is further on. This park is 
 private, belonging to those of us who reside for some 
 distance along on this side of the street. I shall be 
 pleased to show you this, however, if you wish. I see 
 you are Americans." 
 
 "Ah?" we exclaimed, both well pleased. 
 
 " Oh, yes. We recognize Americans at once." 
 
 Jim evidently straightened himself yet more, but said 
 nothing. We wandered for half an hour amid one of 
 the loveliest landscapes I had ever beheld. Some young 
 persons of both sexes were rowing on a lake. Jim lin- 
 gered several moments looking silently at them, while 
 our guide and myself were slowly walking and discuss- 
 ing the various species of vegetation. We had, at length, 
 to call him away. I knew where his thoughts had been. 
 He sighed gently but not painfully, as he came up briskly. 
 
 It began to grow late, and having gone considerably 
 from the entrance, we proposed returning. The gentle- 
 man said he would lead us to a place of exit nearer 
 home. Winding about through other and continually 
 varying scenery, we came suddenly to the rear of a fine 
 mansion. We looked at him in astonishment. 
 
 " This is my residence, gentlemen. If you will do me 
 the honor to walk in, I will let you out this way." 
 
 We entered, through a veranda, a large dining-hall. 
 
 " But here," said our host, *' you must rest for a few 
 moments. You've had something of a walk." 
 
 While we were admiring the pictures on the walls ; 
 and the stuffed birds of game in a large glass case on a 
 table in one corner, a servant brought in a bottle each 
 of sherry and port. Pledging in a glass apiece, we 
 parted from him at his front door, expressing his satis- 
 faction for having met us. 
 
28 TWO GEAY TOUKISTS. 
 
 " Upon my word," said Jim, " a politer or a friendlier 
 old fellow I should seldom wish to see. Sensible, too. 
 That man knows whom to ask into his house, no matter 
 if they are strangers. Rich folks up along here, Phil, 
 to be able to haye private parks in a town of five or six 
 hundred thousand inhabitants. You may be sure of 
 that; and if you had seen those docks and that Exchange 
 you would'nt be surprised- Well, I don't mind a fellow 
 getting rich and enjoying his money if it don't make a 
 fool of him, and keep him from being civil." . 
 
 The next morning, as we were preparing to depart for 
 Chester, Jim, who, it was arranged between us, should 
 keep the accounts, went to the office and called for our 
 bill. One of the ladies answered, that she would make 
 it out and send it to the smoking-room. He looked at 
 her somewhat surprised, but politely retired. 
 
 " What can she mean by making out our bill ? I 
 never paid a tavern bill in that way. Can't they just 
 say what it is at once ? We've been here exactly two 
 
 " They don't charge by the day over here, Jim." 
 
 " How do they charge ? " 
 
 Just then a porter brought in the bill. Jim put on 
 his spectacles, looked at it awhile intently, frowned, 
 turned it upside down, looked at it that way, turned it 
 back, took off his spectacles, and handed the paper to me. 
 
 "I can't read half of it, and don't understand one 
 word of what I can make out. As nigh as I can come 
 at it, it's a regular old-fashioned sum in Daboll's Arith- 
 metic. What in the world these things are that you've 
 been getting, I can't tell. This English handwriting 
 and these figures are too much for me." 
 
 This he said in very low tones, so as. not to be over- 
 
TWO GEAY TOUKISTS. 29 
 
 heard by the porter, who had retired as far as the door and 
 was waiting to be called. I took the paper and showed 
 how the items had been set down separately for each 
 day, added, carried from the first to the second, and 
 footed. 
 
 " I see, I see. It is a regular old sum in compound 
 addition. What does it foot up? Oh, that's reason- 
 able. But what's that word ? " 
 
 "Apartments." 
 
 "Apartments ? What — does she mean ; rooms ? " 
 
 " Certainly." 
 
 " Why, we did'nt have but one." 
 
 " Yes, but you see the charge is right." 
 
 " I see, I see. I suppose it's just a general way of 
 calling them rooms. But what word is that ? " 
 
 "Attendance." 
 
 " Does that mean the waiters ? " 
 
 u I suppose so." 
 
 " Certainly, that's it ; but I wonder if they suppose any- 
 body who considers himself a gentleman would be will- 
 ing to go off without giving the waiters something ? I 
 never got that poor and that mean yet. I expect they've 
 had a heap of mean people to stop here, and it has made 
 'em put this item in their bills. I mean to give these 
 fellows something extra, for they've been very attentive." 
 
 He took the bill to the office himself, apologized for 
 having kept it so long, said it was very reasonable, paid 
 it, and bowed himself away. He then said that he was 
 going to the dining-room to hand James a couple of 
 shillings and take leave of the proprietor. The latter 
 he met at the door. 
 
 "I beg pardon, sir; but I was looking for the waiter. 
 I wanted to hand him a couple — " 
 
 3* 
 
30 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 " Hi am the waiter, sir." 
 
 " You ! Ain't you the proprietor ? " 
 
 " H'oh no, sir. Hi am Daniel, the 'ead waiter." 
 
 " Gracious fathers ! I thought — " 
 
 He had a half crown piece in his hand. He looked 
 at it for a moment in confusion, thrust it back into his 
 pocket, and taking out several pieces of various sizes 
 put them into Daniel's hand and rushed away. It was 
 not until we had gotten into the cars at Lime Street 
 Station that he said : 
 
 " Phil, did you know that old fellow in the coffee- 
 room was a waiter ? " 
 
 "No. You said he was the proprietor. I thought 
 you knew. Yon are so ready to find out everything." 
 
 "I never asked a soul about him. I took it for 
 granted that he was the proprietor ; but he's the head- 
 waiter. Well, sir, this is an aristocratic country, to have 
 such as him for waiters. When he told me he was the 
 waiter, I could' nt get so far down from my opinion of 
 him as to give him half a crown, so I gave him about all 
 the change I had in my pocket and broke off as soon as 
 I could." 
 
 As it was my province to select the places to be visited 
 and Jim's to arrange the routes and the hours of depart- 
 ure, he soon made himself familiar with Hradshaw's 
 Kailway Guide, a feat I think I never could have accom- 
 plished. The shortest route to Chester was by ferry- 
 boat to Birkenhead, and thence by rail. But the hours 
 that way not suiting, we went by the longer route of the 
 Great North Western and the Grand Junction, crossing 
 the Mersey about twenty miles from Liverpool. 
 
 "I should like, if we had time," said Jim, looking out 
 of the window as we sped along by the margin of the 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 31 
 
 Bridgewater canal, "to travel on that awhile and see 
 how they manage those locks." 
 
 "I don't see where the water comes from to fill that 
 canal," I said. 
 
 "Why, man, from the air and the ground. This is 
 the wettest country in the world, you know. I've read 
 about this country through here often. Look what 
 crops and what cows. You've ate, my friend, many a 
 piece of cheese that came from here." 
 
 In less than an hour we were at Chester and quartered 
 at the Grrosvenor House. 
 
 "Another pretty girl, Phil," he whispered, as we ap- 
 proached the office. "Great country this for women." 
 
 As we stood upon the vestibule of the hotel and looked 
 out, Jim said : 
 
 " Now what could you ever suppose put it into the 
 head of people to build such a town as this ? This is 
 what they call the Eows. Why look, will you ? The 
 street belongs to the wagons and the horses, and are 
 away down below ; and the people have to walk on that 
 piazza above." 
 
 It was indeed a strange sight as we wandered along 
 the piazzas, far above the street, the dwellings below us 
 and* the stores to our left, with an occasional booth to 
 our right boarded in and jutting over the vehicles below. 
 
 "I call this doing business up-stairs. And then look 
 down that cross street yonder. See how the houses lap 
 over on both sides as they go up. Upon my word, it 
 don't seem to be more than six feet from some of the 
 windows in the upper stories on one side of the street 
 to those on the other. The town is about three times as 
 big at the top as at the bottom. I wonder it don't fall 
 in. A little more and that street would be a tunnel. 
 
32 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 If the houses did'nt look so old, I should guess that 
 that's what they intended to make of it after a while. 
 But ain't they old ? " 
 
 After dinner we made the full circuit of the walls 
 within which the town is enclosed. 
 
 "And the old king stood here in this window, did 
 he ? " said Jim, when we had mounted into Charles the 
 First's Tower, "xind over yonder is Rowton Moor. 
 Oh, these kings, these kings ! They have to have their 
 times of trouble like the rest of us. How he must have 
 felt when he stood in this window and saw his army 
 defeated. Let's go on." 
 
 We went on by the race-turf, lingering to look upon 
 the lovely view towards the north and west. Further 
 on was the bridge over the Dee with that magnificent 
 arch of two hundred feet, the largest in the kingdom. 
 
 " Now that looks sensible," said Jim, " about the first 
 thing of the kind I've seen in this old burg. Why they 
 don't pull down this old wall, and let the town grow 
 some, if it can, is what I don't understand. They might 
 give it a chance, anyway. No wonder the Dee is drying 
 up. I should think such a town as this would dry up 
 any river after awhile. And that's the field where they 
 caught the other king, eh?" (pointing to a hill-side 
 across the Dee), " and along here old Edward was rowed 
 by the seven princes up the river to that old St. John's 
 Church on the hill yonder ? This place seems to have 
 been quite considerable with those old kings, and some 
 of them had hard times like other folks. Yes, sir. 
 
 " Princes, this clay must be your bed, 
 In spite of all your towers." 
 
 "They are not buried here, Jim." 
 
 ' i suppose not. Still — somehow, I thought of that 
 
TWO GKAY TOUEISTS. 33 
 
 old song ever since we were in King Charles' Tower, 
 but it did'nt seem exactly to fit in there because it's no 
 great shakes of a town, and old Charles was'nt in much 
 of a bragging mood, I take it. From the way you look, 
 it don't seem to you to come in much better here. Well, 
 you know, Phil, poetry ain't my strong point." 
 
 " When will this circuit end ? " said I, nearly broken 
 down after more than an hour's walk. " Have you any 
 idea how far we are from onr hotel ? " 
 
 " Oh, an immense distance," he answered, with mock 
 seriousness. "This is a big place, Phil, you know, 
 counting every way, up and^0g^a^}e^p?^^/ , 
 
 « Why it has only abo^^mikt)^ndu^md^)e^p^dn it, 
 inside and out." If ^ 
 
 "And they inside 1» AlPBn 2& <#8<9$ ^wter, 
 
 too, eh ? Yes, but you^e^t ivwd$,c$G&- may vs&erfPsay, 
 
 inside and out. I take ifm^l^SntownrOfrC^fe^r has 
 
 --<^> / ^U of i^yji^^ m 
 about as many insides and outsMes^aTJsfe^fiiahy insides 
 
 that ought to be outsides, as any that can be found. 
 
 I'm glad I've seen Chester one time. 1 ' 
 
 We had not gone ten steps further when Jim stopped 
 at one of the numerous nights of steps that led down 
 from the walls, 
 
 "Are you really tired, Phil ? " 
 
 " I am, indeed." 
 
 " Oh, you old fellows ; you can't stand anything." 
 
 " I'm just three weeks older than you are." 
 
 " Yes, but three weeks make a difference. Well, do 
 you know where you are? Do you know what house 
 that's the top of?" 
 
 " I certainly do not." 
 
 " I suppose not. Twas'nt for me you'd never get 
 down from these walls, but keep meandering round and 
 
34 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 round 'em. Well, that's the Grosvenor, and these are 
 the very steps we came up when we started." 
 
 "You don't tell me so." 
 
 " I do. Can't you think now of a bit of poetry, or a 
 piece of a hymn that would suit your lost condition? 
 What is that about 
 
 " Weary sinner, lost and wounded ? " 
 
 " Let's get down and rest a while first." 
 
 The next morning, we considered whether or not we 
 would go out to Eaton Hall, the seat of the Marquis of 
 Westminster. Our time was so limited, we rather chose 
 to visit the Cathedral. We entered this most imposing 
 old structure just as morning prayers were over. One 
 of the vergers very kindly led us around, pointing out 
 and explaining many things; which, however much we 
 may read of them, we must see in order to fully compre- 
 hend and appreciate; the varying architecture of the 
 ages, and the relations of the various parts of such a 
 structure to one another. Jim was especially impressed 
 by the cloisters of the monks of former times, and the 
 great hall in which they used to dine in common. 
 
 " What upon earth is that thing up there ? " he asked 
 of the verger, pointing upward to where, high on the 
 wall, a very small sort of pulpit of stone was fastened, 
 to which several steps of the same material led from the 
 floor. 
 
 '•That," answered the verger, smiling, "is the pulpit 
 from which, when the monks were at dinner, one of 
 their number was accustomed to read aloud sermons 
 and homilies." 
 
 '* Sermons and what ? " 
 
 •• Homilies." 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 35 
 
 '■You mean preaching? ' 
 
 "Not exactly that, but — the next thing to it, I 
 suppose." 
 
 Jim laughed aloud, but instantly checking himself, 
 said: 
 
 " I beg your pardon, sir, for laughing in your church ; 
 but it struck me all of a sudden the idea of a set of 
 preachers sitting down to their dinner and having to 
 listen to another one a preaching to 'em. Do you sup- 
 pose that fel — , that gentleman I mean, had his dinner 
 first?" 
 
 "Ah, I can't say that, sir, but probably not." 
 
 "Well, well, this town of yours has seen times, in 
 its — time, if I might use such an expression. I see you 
 are all mending up the old church ? " 
 
 '• Oh, yes ; the Dean is very much interested in renew- 
 ing the Cathedral " 
 
 "Well, I wish him good luck; but I should say he 
 had a job on his hands." 
 
 "And now, gentlemen," said the verger, " I shall be 
 glad, if you are to remain in Chester, to show you, at 
 another time, other interesting things about the Cathe- 
 dral and the Priory. But, with your leave, I will bid 
 you good morning for the present, as I have not yet 
 breakfasted." 
 
 "Why, bless me!" answered Jim, "have'nt you been 
 to breakfast?" 
 
 " No, indeed ; we never breakfast until after morning 
 prayers." 
 
 " I beg your pardon a thousand times, sir, for keeping' 
 you away from your breakfast. We leave the town in a 
 couple of hours. We are very much obliged to you, 
 and we would'nt have thought of trespassing on your 
 time " 
 
36 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 " Don't mention such a thing, gentlemen/' 
 
 " Good gracious ! " said Jim, after we had left the 
 grounds, " did nt you suppose he had had his breakfast ? 
 Why, it's half past eight o'clock, and the sun has been 
 up nigh on to five hours." 
 
 " They don't rise here as you do in Georgia." 
 
 "I see they don't. Well, I suppose their business 
 here goes on about as well, what there is of it, as if they 
 did get up in decent time. This is a slow-going, but an 
 economical town, Phil." 
 
 " How economical ? " 
 
 " Why, don't you see the object of putting that pulpit 
 on the wall in the dining-room of that church ? And 
 have preaching going on while they were at dinner ? " 
 
 " I think I do. It was to remind the religious who 
 were eating of the source from which all blessings 
 come, and lift their thoughts to contemplate the feasts 
 of the soul as superior to those of the flesh." 
 
 " No, sir ; not a bit of it. It was to spoil their appe- 
 tites, and make 'em eat as little as possible, and save 
 expenses, and maybe to keep 'em from complaining of 
 their victuals. That's the only effect that such a thing 
 would have on me, or any other reasonable and healthy 
 man. About two weeks' preaching to me at dinner 
 would make me as thin as a down stream shad. But, 
 do you know, Phil, I've been thinking how this head 
 preacher here, what did he call him? Dean? might 
 economize in fixing up that immense old establishment ? 
 If I was in his place, I should get my material from this 
 old wall. It's of no manner of use for anything else in 
 this world than for building material. The idea of 
 keeping it here just because it has been here always, is 
 nonsense. It ought to be put to some earthly use besides 
 
TWO GEAY TOUKISTS. 37 
 
 for strangers to get the rheumatism in walking oyer it. 
 For the people here don't seem to use it in that way 
 themselves. We've walked the whole round, and I should 
 say it was pushing on to two miles, and we didn't meet 
 the first native man, woman, or child. Maybe they keep 
 it just to toll people here ; for I don't see much business 
 here of any kind. If this is so, I should say that it was 
 about as curious and unsatisfactory kind of merchandiz- 
 ing as I would seldom wish to see. But then it can't 
 wear out, not even like wax figures, which it certainly 
 makes me think of. Well, I'm glad I've seen old Chester 
 one time ; and now I'm ready to leave, and go where a 
 body can get some fresh air." 
 
CHAPTER IV. 
 
 N the carriage, sir ; in the carriage," urged the 
 railway porter to Jim at the station, as he was 
 lingering on the platform taking a last look 
 at the old town. 
 
 " It's well they call it a carriage," said Jim, when we 
 were seated, and the train moved off, si for it's no rail- 
 road car. I'm astonished, Phil, that these English 
 people should be so far behind the times as to have 
 carriages instead of cars on their railroads. No chance 
 to walk, nor not even to stretch your legs, without put- 
 ting them between other people's. No water to drink, 
 whether you are on a slow train or a fast one." 
 
 '• I don't see what the speed of the train can have to 
 do with the question of water." 
 
 " That's just what I say; it has'nt got anything to do 
 with it; and the reason is, the people over here don't 
 keep any water to drink, and don't drink it themselves ; 
 otherwise, a fellow might get a drink at a station. No, 
 sir ; no water on the cars, and none on the route. But, 
 Phil, there's an advantage in taking a smoking-car : for 
 they don't use the weed much over here, and the smoking 
 car is seldom full." 
 
 The morning was fine, and it was pleasing that pros- 
 pect of well cultivated fields bounded on onr right by 
 the Ehuabon and other hills in Wales. Further on, 
 
 (38) 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 39 
 
 the meadow-hm ds of Shropshire, on the Severn, in their 
 unbroken green, seemed well worth a journey through 
 them, even if they had not been full of historic interest. 
 The low, dense hawthorn hedges, the clumps of shade 
 trees in every field for the laborers and the cattle to rest 
 beneath in the noontide heat, the winding rivulets with 
 shaded banks along which led narrow paths for the 
 country folk, the fat kine and the full dairies, — looking 
 upon all these, we had continual delight. As we ran 
 into Shrewsbury, I expressed regret that our brief time 
 would not allow us to linger here for at least a day. 
 
 " It looks a little livelier than Chester, and for that 
 reason would certainly suit me better. It isn't as big, I 
 should say, but it has'nt any wall, and can grow." 
 
 " It did have one for a part of the circuit, and would 
 have had it all, but that the Severn, you see, nearly sur- 
 rounds it. There was a wall across the neck of the 
 peninsula, but it seems to have all gone." 
 
 " There's a part of an old something just above this 
 station on that hill." 
 
 "That is the remains of the castle which was built 
 by Roger de Montgomery, created Earl of Shrewsbury 
 by William the Conqueror. This town and Chester, 
 being on the frontier, had to be strongly fortified against 
 the Welsh. Shrewsbury especially was so important 
 that several of the early kings spent much of their time 
 and held parliaments here. In that old castle up there 
 were born two of the sons of Edward IV, the oldest of 
 whom was one of those afterwards murdered by Richard 
 III in the Tower. Shrewsbury was the great stronghold 
 of the Yorks in the wars of the Roses. See yonder old 
 abbey with the tower. You don't forget Falstaffe ? " 
 
 "Who? Old Jack? Of course not. Is this my 
 same old Shrewsbury ? " 
 
40 TWO GEAY TOtJKISTS. 
 
 " The same ; and in that tower was the clock which 
 timed Sir John's fight in the field over yonder to the 
 left." 
 
 In five minutes we were off again. Jim strained his 
 eyes, as long as it was visible, to the old abbey, then 
 turned them in the direction of Shrewsbury Field. 
 
 " Well, well, many's the time I've read that play of 
 Shakspeare about old Jack, and Douglass, and Glen- 
 dower, and Hotspur, without ever expecting to be this 
 near Shrewsbury Field. That same clock, eh! Well, 
 it ticked to a good, long, old fight. Ah! that was a 
 grand old fellow. It was a mean thing in the prince to 
 throw him off after all they had seen and done together. 
 Of course, he must stop all such larks when his father 
 died and he got to be king ; but he might have made 
 some provision for the poor old fellow. I always feel a 
 little like crying when I read old Mrs. Quickly's account 
 of how he died: because the king 'killed his heart.' 
 Poor Jack ! He put all his money on one card, and 
 that's always a mistake. But, see here, Phil, if I remem- 
 ber right, it was somewhere along here that the young 
 King Charles, while running from old Cromwell, hid in 
 the oak. What's the name — Bos — something ? " 
 
 " Boscobel Manor-House. Here it is on the map. It 
 is only about five or six miles from the town of Sheffnall, 
 the next station. We can't be further than three or 
 four miles from the Royal Oak." 
 
 " They had him up a tree there, did'nt they ? " 
 
 " They did, indeed ; that was a narrow escape." 
 
 " I expect he felt about as easy as his father did in 
 that old town at Chester. Oh, these kings! What 
 won't they go through to gain and to hold on to their 
 
 What is won- 
 
TWO GRAY. TOURISTS. 41 
 
 derful to me is that the people will risk more and suffer 
 more for the same than the kings themselves. I don't 
 mean the big' men ; for they always expect something in 
 the way of reward; but the people, the poor people 
 that expect nothing, and get nothing, no matter how it 
 goes : how such as these can leave their wives and chil- 
 dren, and little pieces of land, and follow these kings, 
 who care no more for them, as a general thing, than so 
 many mules or hogs, and travel over mud, and dust, and 
 snow, and rain, to get killed, or come home broken 
 down in health and poorer than ever, this is what I 
 don't understand." 
 
 '•That's a matter, Jim, that used to perplex me," 
 said I, "very much. I have thought over it many 
 times, and I think I am getting to understand it better. 
 There are several reasons why even the poorest are will- 
 ing to undergo such dangers for kings. ' In the first 
 place, pity is a thing which, my reading and observa- 
 tions have led me to believe, tends upwards instead of 
 downwards. Misfortunes are the common lot of the 
 poor. Born in low conditions, they, for the most part, 
 remain in them throughout their lives. Calamities 
 among them are too small reductions from their habitual 
 states to excite very much commiseration either among 
 their superiors or their equals. But when a very great 
 man, and especially a prosperous king, comes to grief, 
 the descent seems so immense, that the lower and hum- 
 bler a man is, the greater his awe and his pity. They 
 have been used to look up to the great as the favorites 
 of heaven; and when these fall, they have a sort of 
 undefined dread as if such vast ruin, unless reversed, 
 must overwhelm all mankind. It is pleasing, besides, 
 to pity such unforeseen and such great suffering, because 
 
 4* 
 
42 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 thus the lowly feci some exaltation of themselves in 
 thus sympathizing with, and, in some sort, rising into 
 the society of the powerful. Look at the tragedies that 
 have excited so many tears among the poor. To say 
 nothing of the older, take those of Shakspeare that you 
 like so much. They don't recite the misfortunes of com- 
 mon people, but of the mighty — King Lear, and Hamlet 
 and such men. If they were common men, even you, 
 Jim, would get tired of reading them, because, with all 
 your independence and self respect, you feel, while read- 
 ing such exalted language, that the suffering it describes 
 can befall none but those who have fallen from the 
 loftiest estate. Were you less intelligent than you are, 
 that idea would be yet more decided in your mind* 
 The poets who wrote these tragedies understood well 
 the hearts of the masses, and that they extend more 
 pity towards the powerful than they receive from them, 
 or than they bestow upon one another. Besides, there 
 is the sense of greater personal security in the success 
 of the chieftain of their choice, their pride in his glory 
 and in the feeling of their identification with his for- 
 tunes, whether in prosperity or adversity. And so they 
 will go to his wars, suffer and fight for him, and die for 
 him, and their children will be proud of having had 
 such fathers. What do you say to that ? " 
 
 " I expect you are about right. In fact, we see some- 
 thing of the same sort, though, on a small scale, in our 
 elections at home. Parties choose their leaders, and 
 when the campaign gets hot the more ignorant a fellow 
 is the more ready he is, if not an arrant coward, to fight 
 for his candidate. I suppose it's natural to us all to 
 have our leaders." 
 
 "Just so; and the more ignorant we are the more 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. . 43 
 
 necessary seem to us their triumph, and the more disas- 
 trous their fall. Then there is to be considered that even 
 the weakest and most incapable has his share, small as it 
 may be, of personal ambition, and looks forward to his 
 portion in the aggregate successes of his cause. These 
 are the secrets of loyalty and patriotism. A man must 
 look vp to some one above him, even in this world. If 
 he does not, he will be unhappy. It is God's work. 
 The kings and the great rulers are necessary, but they 
 have not been generally happy, because, for the most, 
 they had no higher personages to look up towards in 
 whose glory they could feel pride and common interest, 
 or whose misfortunes they could pity. We are glad we 
 are not kings, Jim, are'nt we ? " 
 
 "Yes, indeed, or queens either; especially queens." 
 
 We were soon out of Shropshire and into Staffordshire, 
 and my friend was full of admiration at this the great 
 coal and iron region of England. The scores, the hun- 
 dreds of factory chimneys near Wolverhampton, from 
 which the fires and smoke, rushing day and night con- 
 tinuously, made it seem as if the whole region around 
 was a forest on fire, were intensely interesting to a mind, 
 which, in spite of age and adversities, yet delighted in 
 the evidences of energy and prosperity. As we were 
 approaching Birmingham, he said : 
 
 'Now, sir, if I had had the picking out of the stop- 
 ping places on this route, yonder's the town I should 
 have selected, instead of your Chester with its old walls — 
 not that I ain't glad I've seen old Chester one time, just 
 to find out what a curious kind of a town people can 
 make when they try." 
 
 "Why Jim, we might have given Birmingham a day. 
 Why did'nt you mention that you would like to see.it ? " 
 
44 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 " Oh it makes no difference; it's all right. Our time 
 is too short for us both to see all we want to, and it's 
 easier to leave the routes to one, and that one, you. In 
 your programme I shall see enough sights to last the 
 balance of my life. No doubt about that. I just said 
 what I did to be talking. But I bet I can tell more 
 about this town than 3^011 can." 
 
 "I've not a doubt of it. I have often regretted, Jim, 
 that I could not take more interest than I do in the his- 
 tory and progress and varieties of manufacturing busi- 
 ness." 
 
 "Yes, I see you think more of seeing and talking 
 about old towns and old things than new. You always 
 did, Phil. You were even a sort of an old boy." 
 
 " I admit that my conclusion to come out here with 
 you was brought about mainly — besides the pleasure of 
 having you for a companion — " 
 
 "Ahem! of course." 
 
 "Was to see old, historic places. To tell you the 
 truth, I am ashamed of my ignorance of the march of 
 mechanical industries, but more so of my unwillingness 
 to make the effort to learn something about them." 
 
 "As to that, Phil, people are not alike. It's well they 
 ain't. No one man can know everything, or like every- 
 thing. Such things ain't in your line, and your old his- 
 tories ain't in mine. You and I suit to travel together 
 very well, and a heap better than if we had exactly the 
 same ideas. We can have and do have some variety, and 
 — if you was'nt so poky — we might have some little fun. 
 I must see if I can't wake you up a little out of your 
 dreaminess, my old man." 
 
 " I wish you would, my sweet youth." 
 
 "Hello, that's the liveliest thing you've said since we 
 left home. I'm having hopes of you." 
 
TWO GRAY TOUEISTS. 45 
 
 " But speaking of old things, Birmingham is a very 
 old place." 
 
 " I thought it was modern." 
 
 " It was a town in the time of the Komans, called then 
 Bremerium. The old Strata VitelHanas, now called 
 Watling street, is not far from here* Even in those 
 times this was a considerable place for the manufacture 
 of arms. I doubt if there are many Roman relics now • 
 but I should have liked myself to see old St. Martin's 
 Church in the Bull-Eing. That is more than a thou- 
 sand years old." 
 
 "Good gracious! I'm glad you did'nt bet. I find 
 you know a sight more about the place than I do. Tell 
 me some more." 
 
 "No, that's about all I know, except that in later 
 times it was the capital of the Kingdom of Mercia." 
 
 " Upon my word, those items of information had es- 
 caped me. Well, your knowledge and mine will dove- 
 tail very well. Between us, we can make something of 
 the town. In the first place, Birmingham is the health- 
 iest of all the large towns of England. You know the 
 reason why ? No ? Well, in the first place, it is built 
 on the sides of three hills, and the drainage into this 
 river Eea, as they call it, is perfect. Another reason, as 
 they say, is the immense amount of vitriol which is 
 made here and in the works at Solio and Smettick, close 
 by. But a better reason still, is that the houses are not 
 so crowded here as in Liverpool and the other towns." 
 
 By this time we were at the station, and although we 
 had only five minutes, Jim declared he meant to run out 
 of the enclosure and take one look. 
 
 " Get a couple of bottles of beer and something to eat," 
 he said, as the train stopped and he rushed out. 
 
46 TWO GEAY TOUEISTS. 
 
 " In the carriage, in the carriage." 
 
 " Certainly, certainly. In the carriage. Let her 
 move on. Good-bye, my friend," he said to the porter 
 who fastened onr door, " I would have given you some- 
 thing to get me a drink of water, except I suppose it 
 would have cost you twice as much to get as it would 
 have been worth to me. Do you love beer ? " 
 
 u Oh, yes, sir. It's better an' water." 
 
 " There, you take this and drink our health. It's for 
 giving me the hint when your carriage was going to 
 move." 
 
 Jim took the front seat, and looked back at the town 
 as long as it was visible. 
 
 " Don't she look old and solid ? This is a live town, 
 Phil. The very walk of the people is different from that 
 in that old tarrapin we've just left. They have some 
 air here. I've read that Birmingham has twice as much 
 room to the man as Manchester, and three times as much 
 as Liverpool. But as for me, I could'nt live in a big 
 town. "Why don't they make the streets wider and have 
 more shade trees? I suppose it's because they don't 
 know, when the town first begins, that it is going to 
 grow so big. I begin to like this beer. It is better than 
 water — such as they have here. Oh ! if I could get one 
 drink of water out of my well. But that if. F, you 
 know, my friend, is the longest letter in the book." 
 
 Thus rattling on, he took his lunch, and afterwards 
 we lit our cigars and looked with delight upon the ever- 
 changing and ever-pleasing views in this the so-called 
 heart of England — the county of Warwick. 
 
 "There don't seem to be any poverty in this region, 
 Phil ; in the country I mean. I see from the map that 
 we are in Warwickshire," 
 
TWO GHAY TOUJilSTS. 
 
 47 
 
 " Yes, of all, the country I have most desired to see." 
 "I bet it has a plenty of old worn-out things in it. 
 Well, I guess there's a few fresh things scattered about 
 here and there that a young fellow can pick up." 
 
CHAPTER V. 
 
 EAMINGTON is certainly the cleanest-look- 
 ing town I have even seen. It was too early 
 for the season, and not many strangers were 
 there. These were invalids, for the most part, 
 who had come for the benefit of the waters and the 
 baths. But all, including invalids and inferior sorts of 
 persons, seemed to be trying to keep in harmony with 
 the general cleanliness and brightness of the town, the 
 shining bath-chairs, which here we saw for the first 
 time, pushed leisurely along the sidewalks, their occu- 
 pants looking leisurely into the bright shops, and the 
 shop-keepers seeming as if they had just come out of 
 the baths, and preferred quiet to selling merchandise. 
 After a good dinner at the Eegent, on the Lower Parade, 
 we strolled over Leicester, Kegent, and Warwick streets, 
 Holly Walk, The Lansdowne Crescent and Circus, and 
 thence through the fine Jephson Gardens. 
 
 (i She shoots well for a woman," remarked Jim, as we 
 lingered where a party of young men and women were 
 exercising themselves in the Archery. " She looks like 
 she has some energy, and that's more than I can say for 
 the men of this town as far as I've seem 'em. Did you 
 ever see such an indifferent set ? They must all be rich 
 people. At least, everybody looks as if he had a clean 
 suit of clothes for every day ; and the very houses look 
 like they were washed this morning with soap and water ? 
 
 (48) 
 
TWO GEAY TOURISTS. 49 
 
 and afterwards varnished. I thought you were after 
 something old in these parts, Phil, but this is the newest- 
 looking place that ever I saw." 
 
 " Yes, Leamington is a new place. It is only within 
 the few last years that it has become a favorite resort 
 for the wealthy. We are in advance of the season, you 
 see, and the shop-keepers are waiting for the crowds to 
 come in hereafter." 
 
 " I see they are waiting for something, and everybody 
 is dressed up as if it was a wedding. But ain't these 
 gardens pretty ? What a delightful little stream that is 
 in the bottom." 
 
 " That's the river Learn, you see." 
 
 " Kiver ! Well, it takes mighty little water to make 
 a river in this country." 
 
 " Leaving our baggage at Leamington until the mor- 
 row, we took a carriage for Coventry, via Stoneleigh and 
 Kenil worth. My companion remarked, in an undertone 
 to me, as the coachman ascended to his box, that few 
 men of our age would often desire to have a portlier, 
 red-faceder, well-fedder, dignifieder, and comfortable- 
 lookinger driver than the one we had. When the latter 
 had taken his lofty seat in the open barouche, he slowly 
 turned his head half way round for instructions, seem- 
 ing as if he was in communication with some person 
 under the front seat. 
 
 " He's like the rest of the Leamingtonians," said Jim, 
 in a whisper, " and so, my gracious, are the very horses. 
 Nobody and nothing else here seems ever to be in a 
 hurry. But we've got the whole afternoon before us, 
 and, upon my word, a man ought to want to travel 
 slowly through such a country as this. My sakes, Phil! 
 I had no idea that there was one-tenth of the timber in 
 5 
 
50 TWO GRAY TOUKISTS. 
 
 this old country. Can you tell me, my friend/' address- 
 ing the driver, " whose land this is ? " 
 
 In due time, the imaginary gentleman under the 
 front seat might have heard the solemn response i 
 
 " Lord Leigh's, sir." 
 
 " What ? He owns land this far from home ? " 
 
 " H'oh, yes, indeed, sir." 
 
 On we drove through lanes, on both sides of which 
 alternated the greenest fields we had ever seen, and 
 forests from which one would have believed that never a 
 tree or even a shrub had been removed. The approach 
 to Stoneleigh Abbey reminded of the old stories of 
 fairy-land, so enchanting were its shaded avenues and 
 irregular plantations amid undulating grounds. The 
 Abbey, with its surroundings, from every point of view, 
 were most picturesque. We would fain have lingered 
 and entered within the grounds, but after admiring for 
 a brief time the old gateway (of the time of Henry II), 
 we proceeded on. A mile further, in the direction of 
 Kenilworth, we passed through another gate, and then 
 the great forests of oak and beech became more and 
 more dense and imposing. The ivy, climbing high up 
 among the branches, and the thick underwood, made 
 these forests seem impenetrable. 
 
 " None but rich folks hunt in these woods, driver, eh ? " 
 
 " H'oh no, indeed, sir." 
 
 "Thafs plain enough. Common folks don't shoot 
 these rabbits. Look at that fellow yonder, and that one, 
 and that one. That's eight I've seen in the last half 
 mile. They've come out, I suppose, just for a little 
 walk — or rather a little hop — in the fresh air. They 
 can't get any in them bushes and briars. It would do 
 the people here more good, I should say, to clear up 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 51 
 
 some of that land and sow it down in wheat. But that's 
 none of my business, and so far as I can see, everybody 
 about here seems to make a living with mighty little 
 work. Ah, yonder" s your Kenil worth ! ISTow for a sen- 
 sation! Now for a right smart plucking up in the old 
 man." 
 
 We drove leisurely through the long straggling main 
 street of the village, with its frequent displays on faded 
 sign-boards, of the Bear and Ragged Staff, the ancient 
 crest of the Leicesters. But our eyes, Jim's as well as 
 mine, though he would have pretended otherwise, peered 
 before us eagerly for what was left of the castle. 
 Arrived there we were surprised and discontented not 
 to find guides ready for employment; for, although we 
 had freshened ourselves up by reading, while on the 
 ship, Scott's novel, we desired to inspect minutely, and 
 in the brief period allowed us, the famous old ruin. 
 Finding by inquiry of the keeper, another portly man, 
 with blue coat and brass buttons, that there were no 
 guides, and nothing was to be had for our purposes but 
 photographs of the separate parts, Jim merely remarked 
 that he had 'arf a crown in his pocket for which he had 
 no very particular use that he knew of just then. The 
 keeper called from the lodge a woman who might have 
 been his wife, and saying he was called away on business 
 and would be gone for an hour or two, we passed, under 
 his lead, through the Great Gateway into the outer 
 court. To our right, Caesar's Tower, the Leicester 
 Buildings to the left; before us, and across the inner 
 court, the Banqueting Hall and the Strong Tower, and 
 adjoining, the famous Pleasaunce; on our left, Morti- 
 mer's Tower, and beyond it, the lake and the tilt yard. 
 
 I cannot say how I should have felt if I had visited 
 
52 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 this scene, so replete with historic and romantic interest, 
 when I was younger, and my warmer blood bounded 
 with the recital of knightly deeds. Even as it was, I 
 seemed to feel as much emotion as the youngest and 
 most ardent could have felt. Jim partook fully of this 
 emotion, quite unexpectedly to himself, he contended; 
 and he minutely studied the ground. We walked to 
 the tilt-yard, plucked some of the eglantines which 
 grew in profusion on the banks of the little stream 
 where once was the bridge which the Earl, three hun- 
 dred years before, had built in honor of the visit of the 
 great queen. Returning, we ascended the steps of the 
 Strong Tower to Amy Robsart's chamber, descended, 
 and strolled through the Pleasaunce and the garden. 
 An hour was sufficient for all. We spoke but little. 
 My thoughts had never gone so wholly and so inter- 
 estedly into the past. The Clintons, the Montforts, the 
 Lancasters, and the Leicesters, the Kings Henries, Ed- 
 wards, and Elizabeth, and, lastly, Cromwell, the great 
 hater of kings and lords, and the fell destroyer of their 
 works. I was where, all my life-time, I had desired to 
 be for one time, where these great ones had had their 
 days of triumph and misfortune, their jousts and feasts 
 in times of peace, and their battles and sieges in times of 
 war. These had been here, where now all is desola- 
 tion, and the very ivy, with its huge, brown, knotted 
 trunk, looks almost as old as the ruin on which it feeds. 
 
 "A tolerable old pile of buildings that, my friend," 
 said Jim to the coachman, when we were off again. 
 
 " Very old, sir." 
 
 " Who does that piece of property belong to now ? " 
 
 " Hurl Clarrun " 
 
 "Who?" 
 
TWO Oil AY TOURISTS. 53 
 
 "Hurrcll Clarrunen, sir." 
 
 Jim looked enquiringly to me. 
 
 "Earl Clarendon" 
 
 " If he would talk at me," whispered Jim, " I could 
 understand him better." 
 
 " To what base uses we descend," I remarked, as we 
 looked towards where the ancient abbey once stood and 
 saw only the gateway and another small part now used 
 for a cow-honse. 
 
 "A cow is a yery useful animal, sir," said Jim. 
 
 I looked at him reproachfully. 
 
 After a travel of five miles over the very finest road in 
 England, we came in full view of the " three tall spires," 
 and shortly afterwards were driving briskly up the 
 street, making for " The King's Head " of Coventry. 
 
 "Where is the man carrying us?" I said to Jim, as, 
 suddenly taking up his horses, he turned from the street 
 into a narrow alley. 
 
 "Drive to the King's Head, man," I called out, ex- 
 citedly. 
 
 Jim laughed silently, as the coachman, making no 
 reply, drove on in a slow walk until the horses, of their 
 own accord, stopped before a door in the alley, out of 
 which a well-dressed, elderly woman, followed by two 
 remarkably pretty, sweet-looking girls came forth with 
 smiles and curtsies. I was much embarrassed, and 
 looked at Jim. 
 
 " Oh, you must do the talking," said Jim, assuming an 
 embarrassment that approximated alarm. 
 
 The coachman dismounted, opened the carriage door, 
 and was proceeding to take down our bags and umbrellas. 
 
 " Madam," said I to the elderly lady, " I beg pardon. 
 "We are not the persons you seem to take us for ; but 
 really, ladies — " 5* 
 
54 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 My embarrassment painfully increased as I noticed 
 tliern becoming suddenly grave and as suddenly arch 
 (especially the girls), as they noticed my friend behind 
 me whom, turning around, I saw making strenuous efforts 
 to avoid laughing outright. Never having known him 
 to be otherwise than gentle and most respectful towards 
 women, I had not thy slightest notion of what to make of 
 his conduct. 
 
 " Ladies," said I again, " there is some unaccountable 
 miscarriage in this matter. We are a couple of Ameri- 
 can gentlemen, merely traveling for entertainment, and 
 are not those whom you have been evidently expecting. I 
 directed the coachman to take us to the King's Head 
 Inn, which I had been informed was the best known in 
 Coventry, but by some misunderstanding he has brought 
 us to a private house " 
 
 At this the young ladies laughed out, and so did Jim. 
 The elderly woman again curtsied, and smiling, said : 
 
 " The coachman is right, sir ; this is the King's Head, 
 and we shall be happy to entertain you." 
 
 There was nothing that I could think of to say that 
 would not have made matters worse. I only looked im- 
 ploringly around for pardon. It seemed to be freely 
 bestowed by all except the coachman. He rolled his 
 great, red, moist eyes upon me for a moment, and as he 
 led his horses into the court-yard, muttered : 
 
 " Thought I did'nt know the King's 'Ed ! Private 
 'ousel" 
 
 This being the first time I had seen an inn of the 
 fashion which afterwards we found so common in Eng- 
 land and Europe, I considered my mistake not unnat- 
 ural. I was slow, however, in learning the relations of 
 the different parts of this ancient but most respectable 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 55 
 
 establishment — the coffee-room, the smoking-room, the 
 bar, the office, and the route to and from our chamber. 
 For my life, I could not definitely get the localities ; 
 and the smiles exchanged frequently between Jim and 
 these girls made more vain my efforts in that direction. 
 Not that I do not own to a natural absence of mind 
 which has been wont to manifest itself, especially in the 
 forge tfulness of places, excusable in some sort, I contend, 
 in such as are as inconspicuous and comparatively capri- 
 ciously arranged as those in an English inn. 
 
 We had but a part of the next morning in which to 
 view Coventry, as our programme was to return by rail to 
 Leamington and then by carriage again to Stratford. I 
 determined, therefore, to rise betimes the next morning 
 and see as much as possible before breakfast. At five 
 o'clock I was up. I asked Jim if he would go with me. 
 
 " Not if I know myself," said he, " to see nothing but 
 old things this time of day. I'll find you out some- 
 where in the course of a couple of hours and see what- 
 ever is alive in the old town ; that ain't much, I take it, 
 as far as I've seen, except some pretty, rosy-cheeked 
 girls. At present — " he turned over and immediately 
 fell back to sleep. 
 
 I began my descent, and it was soon evident that I 
 had taken the wrong way at the first turning. A man 
 unused to such buildings, constructed at numerous 
 intervals through scores of years around a court yard, 
 has little notions of the numbers of turnings the passages 
 have and the irregularities of the plans of the various 
 apartments. Discovering that I had lost my way, I 
 thought to retrace my steps. The eagerness, strange at 
 my time of life, that I felt not to be caught in so embar- 
 rassing condition as in the afternoon previous, made me 
 
56 TWO GEAY TOURISTS. 
 
 the more confused, as I walked rapidly on. I saw very 
 soon that I was utterly lost. I rushed on, however, as 
 rapidly and as noiselessly as possible, now descending 
 three or four steps and turning into a new passage, now 
 ascending and diverging into another. I began at last to 
 suspect that I must have gotten into the most private 
 recesses of the house, possibly the apartments occupied 
 by the females. In spite of the consciousness of the 
 entire purity of my intentions, I reflected that I was a 
 long way from home, entirely unknown here — well, the 
 truth is, such feelings as I had cannot be well 
 described. In my desperation, I determined henceforth 
 to follow every descending suite of stairs that I should 
 meet, until I should reach some point of egress on the 
 ground floor. After having taken, as I really believe, 
 more than two hundred steps, I found two large folding- 
 doors, which, I could see by a side light, when opened, 
 would admit me into the court-yard. To my amaze- 
 ment, I found the doors were locked from without. My 
 feelings now partook of the indignant and even the 
 angry. I seized the bolt and shook the doors with great 
 violence several times. At last, the Boots, the only 
 male person I had noticed about the establishment, was 
 aroused where he had been sleeping, came to the door, 
 and after scrutinizing me as closely as possible, with 
 wide-open but not fully-awakened eyes, put in the key 
 he carried, and let me out. 
 
 "In the name of thunder," said I, "what do you 
 people mean by — " 
 
 But on a second's reflection, I knew that Boots ought 
 not to be responsible for the building, or rather the 
 numerous buildings of the house. Upon mild inquiry 
 of where I was and how far from my chamber, on giving 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 57 
 
 my number, he opened his great blue eyes to the very 
 fullest, made with his fingers two sides of an imaginary 
 parallelogram, running up the long and down the short 
 side. I had travelled, it appeared, over the greater part 
 of both these sides. If I had not descended when I 
 did, I should have gotten among the stables in the loft 
 of which Boots had been sleeping. I did not tell him 
 in words, that I would rather he would not mention the 
 circumstance; but the size of the piece I put into his 
 hand made him appear grateful and intelligent. 
 
 I saw not a soul upon the street except a policeman, 
 though the sun was now fully up. He accompanied me 
 to the old priory, rather the few remains yet left of it ; 
 then knocking at a door at the corner of the same street, 
 he roused a woman who, at his request, took a bunch of 
 keys, and leading us to St. Michael's Church hard by, 
 let ns in. I felt amply compensated for the preceding 
 anxieties of the morning by the sight, first of the lofty 
 tower, prism and spire of this the largest and most 
 tasteful of the parish churches of England, and after- 
 wards, the interior, nave, aisles, and chancel with aisles 
 and transepts, the latter most fitly divided from the 
 body of arches rising from columns in clusters. From 
 the wall of one of these transepts I copied an inscrip- 
 tion which I afterwards submitted to Jim's criticism. 
 While standing outside, and looking up at the tower, 
 the bells, ten in number, sounded chimes, which, if I 
 did not consider such music among the inferior sorts, 
 would have impressed me much. They certainly were 
 far the best that I have ever heard. Returning to Hertford 
 street, on which was our hotel, at about seven o'clock, 
 I met Jim, who said that he had just been into a watch- 
 making establishment. 
 
53 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 " By the way, Phil, I heard a tremendous racket down 
 stairs and about the house generally just after you left." 
 
 I took no notice of the remark, but stopped suddenly 
 and pointed to a curious wooden figure in one of the 
 open windows of an upper floor. 
 
 "What in the name of Davy Crockett is that?" 
 
 " That is Peeping Tom," I answered. 
 
 " What sort o' Tom?" 
 
 "Peeping Tom." 
 
 "I'm about as wise now as I was at first." 
 
 I then recounted the old legend of the Lady Godiva, 
 and the signal punishment that befell the poor fellow, 
 who, while the other citizens kept their eyes shut as, in 
 obedience to the brutal conditions of her husband, she 
 rode through the streets with no other covering than 
 her long hair, looked upon her, and was smitten with 
 blindness. 
 
 "And how long ago was that ?" 
 
 " Oh, several hundred years." 
 
 "You don't mean that that grinning old thing has 
 been there so long ? " 
 
 " It is well established that it has been there for at 
 least three hundred years." 
 
 He looked at it intently for several moments. 
 
 "Well, old fellow, it was put on you right heavy for 
 your curiosity. Why did'nt you just go one eye ? Still, 
 I think you were served about right." 
 
 After breakfast, we took leave of the women. We all 
 shook hands, and, as pleasantly as I knew how, I apolo- 
 gized for my mistake of the evening before. 
 
 " Is that all ? " began Jim ; but one of the girls shook 
 her finger at him. 
 
 " That Boots is a shabby fellow," said I, after we were 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 59 
 
 off, and I found that my morning's adventure was 
 known. 
 
 " Boots ? He had nothing whatever to do with it. 
 You scared those women half to death while you were 
 prowling about their rooms. If it had been a little 
 sooner in the morning you would have finished 'em. As 
 it was, they saw you, and rang the bell for the Boots to 
 let you out. What were you doing in that part of the 
 house, any how ? " 
 
 "I had lost the thread of Ariadne,' 7 I answered, 
 gravely. Jim looked at me seriously and interrogatingly 
 for a moment, but said not another word on the subject. 
 
 "I wish," said I, "that we had had time to ride over 
 yonder to Gosford Green." 
 
 " That's the ground of the duel between the Duke of 
 Norfolk and Henry Bolingbroke. I remember that. 
 There was'nt any blood spilt, however, and it's been a 
 long time ago. "Well, Phil, a man at your time of life 
 old things suit. A man of my age likes new things. 
 While you were going about those old churches, I was 
 looking around to see what the people did for their 
 living. That's a right live town, if it is old." 
 
 And then he gave me an account of the business done 
 there in the watch, ribbon and silk trades : he had all 
 the figures." 
 
 " By the way, Phil, what did they mean by putting 
 'in Coventry?'" 
 
 "There are various accounts of the origin of the 
 phrase, but none satisfactory." 
 
 " I suppose when they put a fellow there, in the old 
 times, they — as it were — located him — at the King's 
 Head, and let him — get lost — as it were." 
 
 " Possibly. Look here, Jim, here is a curious epitaph 
 
60 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 I copied in St Michael's Church. It purports to have 
 been written by the deceased himself "In the agony 
 and Dolorous Paines of the Gout and died soon after." 
 
 " Here lyes an Old Tossed Tennis Ball, 
 Was Raeketted from Spring to Pall, 
 With so much heat and so much hast, 
 Time's arm for shame grew tyr'd at last. 
 Four Kings in Camps he truly seru'd, ■ 
 And from his royalty ne'er sweru'd. 
 Father ruined, the Son slighted, 
 And from the Crown ne'er requited, 
 Loss of Estate, Relations, Blood, 
 Was too well known, but did no good. 
 With long Campaigns and paines o' the Gout, 
 He cou'd no longer hold it out. 
 Always a restless life he led, 
 Never at quiet till quite dead. 
 He marry'd, in his latter dayes, 
 One who exceeds the common praise ; 
 But wanting breath still to make Known 
 Her true Affection and his Own, 
 Heath Kindly came, all wants supply'd 
 By giving Rest which life deny'd." 
 
 " Well, sir, I should say a meaner piece of poetry I 
 should seldom wish to hear read. No wonder the fellow 
 that wrote that died soon after. None but a dying 
 man ought to be expected to write such poetry as that. 
 You ain't going to carry that home with you ? " 
 " Certainly. It's a very remarkable thing." 
 " Oh, it's remarkable. No doubt about that. It's 
 remarkable that anybody, even on his death-bed, should 
 make such stuff as that, and want it put on his tomb- 
 stone; and then it's remarkable that a well man in his 
 senses should want to keep a copy of it." 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 61 
 
 I was surprised and pleased to notice how I had 
 scotched Jim in his intentions to plague me about my 
 blunders at the King's Head. He asked me very par- 
 ticularly about the Christian names of most of my 
 female acquaintances whom he knew. I answered all 
 his questions with prompt accuracy, never returning his 
 intent looks. As we took the carriage again at Leam- 
 ington for our afternoon's drive, he said : 
 
 " I thought I would buy a couple of handkerchiefs in 
 this town, but they are too indifferent, these merchants. 
 Well, good-bye Leamington. I'm glad to have seen you 
 all, and to leave you all, looking so clean and contented 
 in your minds." 
 
 Opening his bag to get out cigars, he said : 
 
 " Well, I see my thread is all safe yet." 
 
 I detected the mischief in his tone, but at the same 
 time, the uncertainty. 
 
CHAPTER VI 
 
 HE afternoon was fine. The coachman, though 
 partaking of the general steadiness of his fel- 
 low-citizens, was more communicative than 
 the one of yesterday. Jim had given him a 
 cup of beer before starting, and he was easily induced at 
 our cordial invitation to join us in the weed. We had 
 journeyed for some time over a beautiful, undulating 
 road, when halting at the foot of a hill, and pointing 
 to the left, he said : 
 
 " Guy's Cliffe ! Yonder's the mill." 
 
 We alighted, and following the level pathway for a 
 
 hundred or so 
 
 paces, 
 
 arrived at the old mill, and 
 
 passing it a few steps stood upon a narrow bridge over 
 the Avon and looked up at the mansion. A sweeter 
 place for a man of culture, who sought compensation for 
 absence from the city in the charms of nature, could no 
 where be found on this earth. The clear river, widened 
 by the embankment which backed its waters to the very 
 foot of the mansion in its rear, the huge rock out of 
 which the latter' s foundation was hewed rising on either 
 side, the dense, green shrubbery extending along the bank 
 and up the cliff, mingling with the low-hanging branches 
 of majestic shade trees above and beyond, all conspire, in 
 perfect harmony, to make a home that " to one who de- 
 sireth a retired life, either for his devotions or study, 
 
 (62) 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 63 
 
 the like is hardly to be found." After gazing upon this 
 scene for a few minutes, we retraced our steps to the 
 road and walked up the hill to the front gate. It was 
 open ; but the portress, emerging from the lodge, politely 
 informed us that Lady Percy was at home, and that 
 strangers were not expected to enter the front grounds. 
 We could only look down the fair avenue, through the 
 lofty firs, and imagine to ourselves what manner of place 
 it must be, the approaches to which were so exceeding 
 beautiful. 
 
 A short drive brought us to Warwick Castle. 
 
 " This looks like worth coming to see," said Jim, as 
 advancing through the deep, semi-circular road cut out 
 of the rock we had full view of this magnificent structure. 
 "Another Caesar's Tower. They seemed in those times 
 to have believed in old Caesar in this country; and a 
 Guy's Tower — our same old Guy of the Cliff, I suppose. 
 Where's the part that was burnt some years ago ? " 
 
 " There," I said, pointing to the Baronial Hall, and 
 the suite of rooms following over a portion of that side 
 of the court. 
 
 " Why the fire did'nt even kill the ivy on the wall." 
 
 It was surprising to see, in spite of the withered trunks, 
 the green leaves which here and there dotted the walls. 
 We entered along with about a dozen other tourists the 
 great Banqueting Hall, and passed through the Red 
 Drawing Room, the Cedar Drawing Room, the Gilt 
 Drawing Room, the State Bed Room, and others. It 
 was rather tiresome to listen to the poor woman whose 
 business it was to point out to tourists the objects of 
 interest, and the more so as the monotony of her occu- 
 pation, it was plain to see, had become extremely weari- 
 some to herself. She seemed surprised and even slightly 
 
64 TWO GKAY TOURISTS. 
 
 disgusted whan any one exhibited special interest in any- 
 thing, or enough to linger even for a moment in its con- 
 templation; and she showed evidently her displeasure 
 whenever she was called upon to repeat any of her remarks. 
 The ladies paid little attention to this, but the gentle- 
 men were somewhat considerate, and would have been 
 more so except for her fretfulness Jim, who had kept 
 very much in the rear, having become tired of the mo- 
 notony, and not having noticed her infirmity, spoke up 
 just as we were emerging from the Banqueting Hall. 
 
 " Just one moment, madam, if you please Will you 
 be kind enough to say again what it was you called this 
 — ah — sideboard ? " 
 
 The woman turned and looked at him, and while 
 subdued smiles were on all other faces, she frowned 
 visibly. 
 
 " That, sir, is the Kenilworth Buffet, as I said as dis- 
 tinctly as I could, made of the Great H'oak of Kenil- 
 worth." 
 
 " Oh ! " said Jim, " I took it for a sideboard." 
 
 " I will thank the gentlemen, and the ladies, to listen 
 as well as they can, for while they 'ave two ears apiece, 
 Hi 'ave but one voice." 
 
 Jim colored and said : 
 
 " I beg pardon, ma'am, I had no idea of being specially 
 troublesome, and will try not to be so again." 
 
 The woman noticed the perfect sincerity of his apology, 
 and evinced slight signs of regret by appearing some- 
 times to address her remarks, specially such as were 
 laudatory, to him mainly, and at such times taking un- 
 usual pains to make her utterances distinct and em- 
 phatic. He received these little demonstrations as a 
 gentleman should have done, with complete apparent 
 
TWO GRAY TOUItlSTS. 05 
 
 attentiveness. She called our attention, in one of the 
 rooms, to the view to be had from the windows. As 
 we were looking out upon that fair horizon, the 
 winding Avon, the alternations of fields and woodlands 
 extending far away into Worcestershire, Ave noticed that 
 the woman, with a pained expression in her face, was 
 leaning wearily against the door-facing. We were an 
 hour or more in this round As Ave descended at last, 
 Jim was the last to leave. Each of the rest having put 
 into the hands of the guide a small piece of money, he 
 handed her half a crown. 
 
 " H'oh ! thanks, sir. But really, sir — Hi — am — sorry — " 
 
 " Not a word, ma'am. All my fault. I ought to have 
 known you must be tired. Thank you, ma'am. Good- 
 bye, ma'am." 
 
 " She ought to be paid well for that work," he said, as 
 we were walking off. " Now, if I could ever learn all those 
 everlasting names of old pictures and such things, it 
 Avould kill me dead to have to go over them as often as 
 she has. See yonder, she is there at the window above 
 where we went in waiting for that other party coming 
 up. But, by gracious, that's a right sizable bowl." 
 
 " My patience, Jim ! call the celebrated WarwickVase 
 a howl. Herds the Warwick boivl" I said, as we lingered 
 at the old gate and inspected, among other relics of the 
 giant, his punch- bowl. 
 
 " Do you call this pot a bowl, ma'am ? " he asked of 
 the portress. 
 
 " H'oh, and it is a bowl, h'and many the time h'it was 
 filled and emptied when the Hurrul come to his h'age." 
 
 "/should call it a pot, a regular old-fashioned wash- 
 pot However, when they call a sideboard a looffay, 
 there's no telling what they may'nt call bowls and pots." 
 
 6* 
 
66 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 As we passed through Warwick, we had a good view 
 of Leicester's Hospital and the West Grate. 
 
 " With the exception of these old things, and a few 
 others, the town looks tolerably new, after all," said Jim. 
 
 " The. old town," said I, "was mostly destroyed by 
 the great fire of 1694." 
 
 "They have gates yet, but I'm thankful, for the 
 people's sake here, that they have'nt got any old wall to 
 keep out the air. Driver, what old chap is that with 
 the blue gown, going up to that church, or whatever 
 that is up there, on top of the gate, and what's that he 
 has on his sleeve ? " 
 
 " 'Ee's one of the Brothers of the 'ospital, sir. They 
 'ave to worship in St. James' Chapel. That's the Bear 
 and Ragged Staff on 'is sleeve. The Hurrell of Leices- 
 ter, 'ee founded the 'ospital." 
 
 "He did, did he? Well, I think he might have 
 picked out a prettier uniform for his people, and not 
 made 'em have to go up so high to say their prayers. 
 Do you suppose, driver, that any good beer could be got 
 in this town ? It seems mighty long between drinks." 
 
 " H'oh yes, sir ; " and although a Leamingtonian, he 
 laughed with reasonable appreciation of my friend's 
 jocularity. After a few moments' rest and refreshment, 
 we set out again. We can never forget the drive, the 
 sweetness of the fields and forests that June afternoon, 
 the rich green wheat, in its midst the red sparkling 
 poppies, the abundant cosy road-side shades ! Yonder is 
 Shirburn, and yonder Fulbroke Park, and yonder Hamp- 
 ton Lucy. Here is the little church at the opening to 
 Charlecote. Halting for a brief space, we climbed the 
 railing, entered, and passing into the Lucy Chapel, saw 
 the tombs of Sir Thomas and his lady; then we drove 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 67 
 
 slowly along the circuitous road around the grounds, 
 yet well stocked with fallow deer, getting ever changing 
 views of the ancient hall. Again we halted at the 
 further gate where the angry boy posted his first poetry, 
 for which crime, more heinous than killing the deer, he 
 must go into the exile so prolific of great results. 
 
 " Well," said Jim, " the family seem to hold on well 
 to it, and a good piece of property it is." 
 
 " It looks, Jim, as if Slender' s prophecy was a true 
 one, that as the Lucies have written themselves armigero, 
 any time these three hundred years ' as all his successors 
 gone before him have done, and all his ancestors that 
 come after him may, they may give the dozen white 
 luces in his coat.'" 
 
 " Yes, indeed; and when a family gets hold of as solid 
 a piece of property as this, and the law won't let it go 
 out of it, a fellow even smarter than Shakspeare may 
 write himself blind, in making fun of them, but he 
 can't put 'em down." 
 
 Into Stratford, and down another alley. We had 
 expected never to get to an inn where the women were 
 nicer-looking, and things generally more snugly arranged 
 than at the King's Head, And yet, it did seem to be 
 so at the Red Horse. I was not slow to understand the 
 cordial greetings that, before the carriage fairly stopped, 
 we were receiving from three girls any fresher and pret- 
 tier than whom (to use a favorite expression of Jim's) 
 I should seldom wish to see. Having been conducted 
 to our chamber, which, fortunately for me, was easily 
 accessible, we descended the stairs, and were shown the 
 coffee-room, smoking-room, and "Washington Irving's 
 sitting-room." These were all so entirely satisfactory 
 that we would have sat down and enjoyed the serenity 
 
OS TWO GEAY TOURISTS. 
 
 we felt. But the day was far spent, and the morrow 
 being Sunday, which we desired to spend in Oxford, we 
 sallied out to see the Shakspeare mansion. A poor house, 
 indeed, whose occupants of old time doubtless had little 
 foresight of the fame it was to have, and the pilgrims 
 of all tongues who were to resort to it. Yet, I thought, 
 who knows what joy might not have been in that low- 
 roofed upper chamber on that April day when another 
 man-child was born into the world. For joy, and even 
 pride and expectation belong not alone to mothers of 
 princes and lords, who bear them on costly beds, beneath 
 gilded canopies, but also to those who, in such poor 
 chambers as these, hear, for the first time, their beloved's 
 voices, and wrapping them in homely garments, lay 
 them on their breasts. Who can say what prophecies 
 may not have been in that village woman's heart when 
 she looked upon the face of that fair child who was so 
 much more worth to her than all the Lucies, and the 
 Beauchamps, and the Dudleys, theretofore and there- 
 after! Surely, such a being could not be born here 
 and there be no recognition in her who had travailed 
 with him, that he was not of the kind of the village 
 folk around them. 
 
 A sweet walk it is across the fields to Shottery. In 
 the narrow path along the hedges, we met several per- 
 sons who had been to visit the cottage where the poet, 
 yet a boy, was so : strangely wedded. The thatch was 
 sunken and patched on this house, yet more humble 
 than the one we had just left. We both sat, by invita- 
 tion of the genteel woman claiming to be a descendant 
 of the Hathaways, upon the rude stone seat, where, she 
 confidently asserted, the lovers had often sat in their 
 trysting time, and then, ascending to the nuptial chain- 
 
TWO GEAY TOURISTS. G9 
 
 ber, we inscribed our names upon a book that lay upon 
 the table ; then descending, and thanking Mrs. Taylor 
 for the flowers she pulled for us, took our leave On 
 the way home, I gave expression to some of the thoughts 
 that were in my mind while in the chamber where the 
 great man was born. Jim meditated awhile, and then 
 answered thus : 
 
 "I should'nt be surprised, Phil, if the woman did 
 have some such ideas as you say. But that is'nt an 
 uncommon thing. Women, the world over, are always 
 proud of their babies when they are first born, and even 
 up to the time when they find out that they are no 
 greater shakes than other people's. I suppose the good 
 Lord made 'em so, in the first place, to keep the poor 
 things in some sort of heart before their children come, 
 and then to keep 'em from neglecting 'em when they 
 do come, and make 'em take that everlasting care of 'em, 
 which, if they did'nt take, they would die, or get crip- 
 pled, or sickly, and come to nothing. I've noticed 
 often — no matter how little they think of themselves, 
 and how big fools and no account generally they know 
 their husbands or even their other and grown-up children 
 to be — why, sir, if they have nothing else to tell you 
 about their babies, they'll brag about how quick they 
 cut their first teeth, or of their falling out of the cradle 
 and not crying about it, or their reaching out their 
 hands and trying to take hold of the moon, as if they 
 were the only ones that ever did or could do such won- 
 ders. Why, there's my wife, as sensible a woman as any- 
 body else's wife, she's had eight children, and I tell you, 
 Phil, what is the fact, not a single one of 'em, if he was 
 a boy, that she did'nt have some idea that he was to 
 grow to be a tremendous big man some day, presiden x 
 
70 TWO GTCA.Y TOURISTS. 
 
 or governor, or judge, or something of the sort. Some- 
 times I've said to her, ' look here, Emily, that baby is 
 my baby, and I don't think my baby can be expected, 
 escept as to what he has got from his mother' (his 
 mother, yon know, Phil, I have to fling that in), * that 
 my baby can be expected to be much, if anything, above 
 the run of just good, common men like me.' You think 
 that woman don't pinch me on the jaw, and tell me 
 that it's all because I ain't ambitious, and if I was ambi- 
 tions I would have been equal to any of the rest of 'em 
 that go to Congress, and all such ? And by gracious, I 
 do believe she thinks so. Yes, sir ; yes, sir ; I should'nt 
 be at all surprised if the old lady Shakspeare did 
 have some right high notions about William when he 
 was born at last, and she saw that he had a good big 
 round head. But that's no sign; they all have 'em 
 whether their babies' heads are big or little." 
 
 " Jim Kawls," said I, " if it was not for your wife, I 
 would knock you down right here." 
 
 " Thanky," he answered, in great glee, " she's got me 
 off from worse dangers than that many a time." 
 
 A pleasant evening we had in the cosy chairs in the 
 smoking-room hard by the little bar, waited on by the 
 bar-maid, so pretty, and snug, and neat, and friendly. 
 Jim ordered one extra mug of ale because, he said, it 
 seemed to do her good to have the opportunity of oblig- 
 ing us, old as Ave were. When we got to our chamber, 
 he suddenly exclaimed: 
 
 " There, now ! If I have'nt left my spectacles at that 
 Anne Hathaway Cottage." 
 
 " I noticed," said I, " that you took a good deal of 
 pains when you were writing your name in that book ; 
 but I supposed, of course, that you put your spectacles 
 
TWO OR AY TOURISTS. 71 
 
 back into your pocket. You observe that other people 
 can lose things as well as I." 
 
 " Well, well, I don't know when such a thing hap- 
 pened to me before. Never mind, it's too late to get 'em 
 back, and I won't need any before Monday, or if I should, 
 I can borrow yours. I don't grudge 'em to the old lady 
 Taylor if they suit her. She looked like a monstrous 
 clever old lady. By the way, Phil, I thought I would 
 ask you what thread that was you said you lost this 
 morning." 
 
 "Why did'nt you?" 
 
 " Well, I did'nt exactly — I know I put some needles 
 and thread in your valise; but — who— whose thread did 
 you say you lost ? " 
 
 "Ariadne's." 
 
 "Well, but how — what made you think her thread 
 might have got away down there where the women 
 stayed ? " 
 
 " How could I know where it was ? " 
 
 He thought awhile. Suddenly he broke out : 
 
 " Who in the dickence is Ariadne, anyhow ? " 
 
 After teasing him awhile, I related the myth of 
 Theseus and the Labyrinth. 
 
 "You got me that time, old fellow. I give it up. 
 You answered so seriously this morning when I asked 
 you about it, that I did'nt know what to make of it. I 
 owe you one for that. Well, old Anne Hatha way's Cot- 
 tage may go for me. But it was a polite old lady that 
 showed it to us, and she's welcome to my spectacles if 
 they suit her." 
 
 It was long before my eyes were closed in sleep. Even 
 after we had ceased to talk, and my companion was 
 taking the profound slumber that comes to a man of 
 
72 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 sound body and spirit after a day's travel, I lay awake, 
 dreaming awake of him who had made this place so 
 famous. What mystery around him, what little known 
 of the interior life of this the greatest of mankind, though 
 born in the very heart of England and in the times of 
 Elizabeth. That such a man should have left no record 
 of his history, not even a letter to a friend. What a 
 marriage ! What is the meaning of those unhappy son- 
 nets which contain the saddest complainings that mortal 
 ears ever listened to; that pursuit of a business which, 
 although it brought him shame and grief, he persisted 
 in for the sake of providing a home for Anne Hathaway 
 and her children ; that indifference not only to fame, 
 but to even a good name in refusing to notice even the 
 charges of plagiarism, one of the meanest vices; and 
 then that silent withdrawal from the great city and return 
 to his humble place of nativity, dying and leaving a 
 curse upon any who might come to molest the tomb 
 which was to hold his dust ? What tragic loves had he 
 told of — the young love of Eomeo, the married love of 
 Othello, the old man's love of Lear ! What frightful 
 thoughts he had had of death ! I suspect he did not 
 greatly love this Anne Hathaway, but that he had loved 
 another, younger and more fair, whom he failed to obtain 
 from accidents agonizingly painful and abjectly humili- 
 ating. Those sonnets, though so purporting, must surely 
 have been addressed to no man. That lamentation of 
 Venus for Adonis was written long after he had been a 
 married man. Who but one whose heart had been 
 blasted by disappointments and those that had been 
 attended by disgrace, could have put such words as the 
 following into the mouth of the goddess as she stood 
 over the corpse of her lover : 
 
TWO Gil AY TOURISTS. 73 
 
 Siiice thou art dead, lo here I prophesy ; 
 
 Sorrow on love hereafter shall attend : 
 
 It shall be waited on with jealousy, 
 
 Find sweet beginning, but unsavory end, 
 
 Ne'er settled equally, but high or low, 
 
 That all love's pleasure shall not match his woe. 
 
 It shall be fickle, false, and full of fraud, 
 Bud and be blasted in a breathing while ; 
 The bottom poison, and the top o'erstraw'd 
 With sweets that shall the truest sight beguile : 
 The strongest body shall it make most weak, 
 Strike the wise dumb, and teach the fool to speak. 
 
 It shall be sparing and too full of riot, 
 
 Teaching decrepit age to tread the measures ; 
 
 The stormy ruffian shall it keep in quiet, 
 
 Pluck down the rich, enrich the poor with treasures; 
 
 It shall be raging mad, and silly mild, 
 
 Make the young old, the old become a child. 
 
 It shall suspect where is no cause of fear ; 
 
 It shall not fear where it should most mistrust ; 
 
 It shall be merciful and too severe, 
 
 And most deceiving when it seems most just : 
 
 Perverse it shall be, where it shows most toward, 
 
 Put fear to valor, courage to the coward. 
 
 It shall be cause of war, and dire events, 
 
 And set dissension 'twixt the son and sire ; 
 
 Subject and servile to all discontents 
 
 As dry combustious matter is to fire ; 
 
 Sith in his prime, Death doth my love destroy, 
 
 They that love best their love shall not enjoy. 
 
 What words from a married man ! No, indeed ; this 
 Anne Hathaway, eight years older than himself, of yet 
 lowlier estate, was scarcely the first or chief, or only idol 
 of his heart. Yet, he was a man, and he would get such 
 
 7 
 
?4 TWO GRAY TOUEISTS. 
 
 things as she and her children would need most, and this 
 seems to have been the only purpose for which he lived 
 and wrought. 
 
 What had been the varying feelings with which he 
 trod to and fro in that sweet walk across the fields to 
 Shottery, and what when after his great career he re- 
 turned, we can never know. The simple folk among 
 whom he dwelt may have considered that a curious 
 epitaph he w r as leaving. But such things were not un- 
 common in old England. So they let down the coffin 
 beneath the chancel in the church, laid back the stones 
 smooth as before, and, w T hen night came, mingling gossip 
 with sympathetic speeches, they at last grew sleepy and 
 went to their beds. In time, sleep came to me also. 
 
CHAPTER VII. 
 
 i 
 
 !T§^i 
 
 UST come here, Phil. Look at that." 
 
 Jim was in the smoking-room, and was no- 
 ticing with a smile the bill which had been 
 made ont against us below the receipt of the 
 payment of which were written the words " with thanks." 
 
 " Now did you ever see such as that at the bottom of 
 a receipt ? and would you ever wish to see a politer or a 
 friendlier set of girls ? " 
 
 They did look even more charming than the evening 
 before, with their Sunday frocks, fresh roses in their 
 hair, and perpetual ones on their cheeks. We shook 
 hands with them reluctantly when bidding them good- 
 bye. 
 
 I thought there never could have been a sweeter 
 Sunday morning. The dew was long in drying on the 
 grass and leaves, and, even in our car, we could smell 
 the flowers in the hedges and fields. The green, so deep 
 it was, darkened among the woods. The air was still 
 and soft. We had a slow train, and Ave saw very many 
 of the country folk, some going to church, walking or 
 in their carts drawn briskly by their round-bellied, sleek, 
 snug, little cobs, some leisurely strolling along the gentle 
 hill sides gathering nosegays, or lying at ease beneath 
 the shady clumps of trees, while others, a few, were 
 angling on the banks of the Cherwell and the stream- 
 
 (75) 
 
76 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 lets leading into it. Quite a number of third-class 
 cars were in our train ; these were emptied and filled 
 again at every station. 
 
 " They seem the quietest and contentedest people I ever 
 saw, I think," said Jim. " There don't seem to be much 
 poverty among these country folks. The very smallest 
 of their houses look clean and comfortable. What a 
 people they are for flowers and vines. I tell you what is 
 a fact, Phil, there's something about flowers and vines 
 that makes poor people get along well and live con- 
 tented on a little. I've noticed that often. They keep 
 them from letting things go loose generally, and some- 
 how it seems to me that the ones who have them about 
 their homes don't complain and don't get sick as often as 
 the others, and when sick they get well sooner. I tell 
 you that there's something about flowers and vines that's 
 healthy. Banbury Station, eh ? I see we are in Oxford- 
 shire. 
 
 Ride a cock-horse to Banbury Cross, 
 
 To see a fine lady get on a white horse, 
 
 With rings on her fingers and bells on her toes, 
 
 She shall have music wherever she goes. 
 
 Oh dear, oh dear ! how often I've heard my little ones 
 sing that, and how I wish I could hear 'em sing it this 
 morning. But never mind, we'll all sing it together 
 when we get back. Let's try another of the weed." 
 
 The old fellow had made up his mind in spite of his 
 tenderness not to be homesick, and so he lit up, the bell 
 rang, and we were off again. As we passed Enslow Sta- 
 tion, he said: 
 
 "According to the map, those woods yonder to the 
 right belong to Blenheim Park. Ah, that old Marl- 
 borough ! He was one of 'em." 
 
TWO GKAY TOUKISTS. 77 
 
 "Yes, indeed; but I should have thought more, if we 
 could go there, of Alfred, and the Henries, and the other 
 kings, Saxon and Norman, who made it their residence." 
 
 " I'll be bound for that. Well, men at different ages 
 like different things. Maybe I'll like old things myself 
 when the time comes But yonder's your Oxford. Let's 
 stop at the Randotyh. That sounds old Virginny like. 
 
 At the Randolph Ave stopped. Things were on a 
 broader but not more comfortable scale than at Strat- 
 ford and Coventry. We spent the hour before dinner in 
 a visit to Worcester College in order specially to see its 
 gardens. The walk was not long up Beaumont street. 
 Having easily obtained admittance through St. Bernard's 
 Gateway, after surveying the quadrangles, the chapel, 
 hall, common-room, and library, we walked into the 
 gardens. Surely, five acres of ground could not easily 
 have been made more beautiful. The walls completely 
 covered in green, the narrow, winding waters, the varie- 
 gated beds, shaded by the horse-chestnut trees, and the 
 walks with elms, make this the favorite resort of towns- 
 people as well as students. It was vacation, and we saw 
 only one student as he sat in the windows of his room. 
 
 " Poor fellow," said Jim, when the porter had told us 
 that he was staying here in order to make up in the 
 studies on which he had been cast. 
 
 After dinner we strolled out again, wending down 
 Magdalen and Cornmarket, passing Magdalen Church 
 and Jesus Colleges, thence into High street, to All 
 Saints and St. Mary's Churches, lingering before the 
 latter (built for the university by Alfred the Great 
 shortly after its foundation), to recall the fate of some 
 eminent persons whose history was associated with its 
 own. There rest the remains of Amy Kobsart, there 
 
78 TWO GRAY TOUEISTS. 
 
 the unhappy Kosamond, sometimes when she could in 
 safety leave St. Peter's in the East, might come timidly 
 to Vespers. That porch, with its elegant twisted col- 
 umns, so Italian in style, made one of the items in the 
 impeachment of Archbishop Laud. Eetracing our way 
 to High street, passing into Oriel, by St. Mary's Hall, 
 Oriel and Corpus Ghristi Colleges, we reached by Canter- 
 bury Gate Christ's Church. A citizen of the place whose 
 acquaintance Jim made immediately after meeting him 
 while coming out of the Cathedral — a lay-clerk — kindly 
 led us through the great Tom-Gateway into the quad- 
 rangle, the hall, common, and kitchen. 
 
 "A tolerable sizable gridiron, that," said Jim, as the 
 guide pointed out that relic of the times of the founder, 
 the great Wolsey. 
 
 " Yes, indeed, that was before ranges were invented, 
 and you know that in the old times the part of a col- 
 lege that was built first was the kitchen." 
 
 " The mischief you say ! Stomachs first and brains 
 afterwards ; not a bad idea. If you excuse me, sir, I'd 
 like to know why they call that gate the Tom Gate ? " 
 
 " That is from Tom, the naine of the great bell of 
 the college." 
 
 "Yes, yes, I've heard of the "Mighty Tom." That's 
 him, is it ? " 
 
 At that moment the bell sounded. 
 
 " He lumbers right well. I'm glad I've heard him one 
 time." 
 
 On to Pembroke College, and into the room occupied 
 by Samuel Johnson. 
 
 "Out of that window," said the guide, "he threw 
 into the court the new pair of shoes that had been left 
 for him at the door, when his own were worn out, and 
 he had not money to buy others." 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 79 
 
 "I'd have done it too," said Jim, with emphasis. 
 " The old fellow was right." 
 
 " He was but a youth then, Jim," I said. 
 
 " It makes no difference ; a man's a man, or ought to 
 be, whatever his age is. And this is the desk he wrote 
 his dictionary on, eh ? It ought to have been a book by 
 good rights after he spent seven years pegging away at 
 it on such a piece of furniture as that." 
 
 Jim insisted upon our new acquaintance going with 
 us to the hotel, taking tea, and smoking a cigar. 
 
 "My friend here," said he, after tea, "always prefers 
 something ancient. What is about the oldest thing in 
 or about this town that we can show him in the morn- 
 ing before we leave ? " 
 
 "I should like," said I, "to visit Godstowe Priory." 
 
 " The very thing," answered the clerk. " You can do 
 that before breakfast." 
 
 He accepted our invitation to accompany us, and 
 betimes the next morning we were on our walk to the 
 river. When we had reached Queen's Lane, 
 
 "There," said the clerk, "is something old for you, 
 St. Peter's Church in the East, the oldest church in 
 England. The fair Eosamond used to go there to wor- 
 ship, secretly wending her way through a crypt in order 
 to avoid the observation of Queen Eleanour." 
 
 "Poor thing! I suppose she thought she must go to 
 meeting sometimes.'''' 
 
 Arrived at the water, we hired a boat, Jim and the 
 clerk took the oars, and we shot up the river, passing 
 old Oxen Eorde, and about a mile further on, landed 
 and walked to the place we sought. Nothing of the 
 priory was left except a part of the wall and a small 
 stone turreted structure. To yet baser uses this cele- 
 
80 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 brated spot had descended than that at Kenil worth, in 
 being kept for breeding swine I was sorry Jim had 
 gone with ns. 
 
 "And this is it, is it ? The great Godstowe Priory ? 
 You see, Phil, they are beginning to put these old 
 things to some use at last. Kenilworth Abbey a cow- 
 house, you tell me the Martyr's Tower is a horse-stable, 
 and here's Godstowe Priory a hog-pen. Now, if they 
 could put that old wall at Chester to some use, it would 
 be about right. But let's go back. Make haste, Phil," 
 he continued, after getting out of the enclosure, and 
 looking back at me who was gathering a few ivy leaves 
 from the old wall, "look out for fleas." 
 
 His loud laugh rang out in the morning air. Keturn- 
 ing to the river, we untied our boat, and sped swiftly 
 to the landing. I paid the boatman in haste, insisting 
 that it was my treat. "We had not proceeded a hundred 
 yards when the man came running and calling after us. 
 We halted. 
 
 " Beg your pardon, sir," said he, addressing me, " but 
 the price was 'arf a crown." 
 
 "Certainly," said I, in some embarrassment, "I so 
 understood it, and thought I paid you." 
 
 "H'oh yes, indeed, sir; but you gave us two 'arf- 
 crowns. I did'nt know — but John said — " 
 
 " Did'nt you mean half crown a piece ? " 
 
 "H'oh no, sir; for both." 
 
 " Certainly," said the clerk. 
 
 Jim took the money from his hands, and gave him a 
 shilling of 'his own. 
 
 "Take that for your pains. Here, Phil, take } r our 
 money. That comes from bothering yourself with other 
 people's business. You never saw such an absent- 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 81 
 
 minded man," addressing the Englishman. "I have to 
 watch him like a hawk, to keep him from losing every- 
 thing he's got, and himself to boot." 
 
 Jim pressed the clerk to breakfast with us; on his 
 declining, he asked him cordially if he ever should 
 come to Georgia, and so forth. 
 
 Another fair day. The country along the Isis, hoav 
 become the Thames, was delightfully ' diversified with 
 field and woodland, level and undulating surface. The 
 prospect was most fair when culminating in the Ohiltern 
 Hills. As we passed through Berkshire, we remarked 
 that the farms were smaller, and there seemed to be 
 fewer landed proprietors than in those in which we had 
 travelled. 
 
 " My goodness ! " exclaimed Jim, " what a country for 
 farming! They say that the sheep on those hills are 
 uncommonly large and fine. Was there ever such a 
 country for water as this? Not a field without it. 
 And don't these smaller trees on them and the paths 
 along them look nice ? Here we are at Reading. This 
 is a live town. Look at the foundries and mills, and 
 there's a big business here also in velvets and silks. A 
 priory, too ? You don't say so. I wonder what animal 
 owns it." 
 
 On to Maidenhead, into Bucks. The Ohil terns con- 
 tinue, but here their sheep, at least in the fleece, yield to 
 those of the Aylesbury Vale. Now the farming gives 
 way to the dairy and chicken-walk, and junking, as some 
 there name it, begins in milk, and butter, and poultry 
 for the London market. What perfect economy! Not 
 an inch unoccupied. We look over yonder to the right, 
 a couple of miles distant, and see from the battlements 
 of Windsor Uastle the huge flag which indicates that the 
 
82 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 queen is there. We strain our eyes towards it, but the 
 dashing train in a moment carries us out of sight, away 
 across the Coin, into Middlesex, and the gardens grow 
 smaller and more prolific, save where the elegant villas 
 and pleasure-grounds vary the smooth landscape in the 
 valley of the Brent. For several miles already the atmos- 
 phere has become clouded, yet not with clouds. Soon the 
 great city rises on the horizon, near, but seeming distant. 
 The farms, and villas, and pleasure-grounds have dis- 
 appeared. For miles and miles, dark brick houses are 
 thick on either side. At last we slacken our speed, the 
 train slowly comes to a halt, and while we are looking 
 out upon the crowds of cabs and other vehicles, the 
 guard opens the door and announces " Paddington." 
 
CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 ^REIVED at the Langham on Portland Place, 
 a police officer met us before the vestibule, who, 
 after taking down in a small book the number 
 of our cab, asked if we had engaged rooms. 
 We answered in the negative. 
 
 " Better see if the 'ouse is full before you trouble to 
 take down the loogage." 
 
 I felt much embarrassed. 
 
 "Oh, nonsense," said Jim, and walked in with the air 
 of a proprietor. It was several minutes before he re- 
 turned. 
 
 "It's been a touch-and-go thing, Phil. The house, 
 big as it is, runs over with Americans." We went in, 
 and, after proper attentions at the lavatory and coffee- 
 room, walked from the office through the long hall, 
 surmounted at the extreme end with a statue of Shaks- 
 peare. From this place, styled "the Poet's Corner," a door 
 leads into the superb smoking-room. At the entrance of 
 the latter was a small office about five feet square, in 
 which were two young women, for all the world like 
 those at Stratford, except that they were dressed in city 
 fashion, and did not give any recognition of the fact of 
 our arrival. Jim paused a moment in passing by the 
 open window, prepared to receive in a becoming manner 
 the cordial greeting he had evidently expected. But 
 
 (83) 
 
81 TWO OKAY iTOtJRISTS, 
 
 iliov looked at us only for a moment to see if we desired 
 any service, and Immediately tnmed away. 
 
 "A fine house, Phil." said he, after we had taken our 
 seats, "and a tremendous big one. I Avas afraid for 
 awhile that we could not get in. The fellow at the 
 office said so in that many words, and said that we ought 
 to have telegraphed him from Liverpool. I urged him, 
 for goodness gracious sake, not to turn off a couple of 
 old fellows, one of whom (meaning you. of course,) 
 was a sort of invalid and very rich, who, neither of 
 us knew a single man, woman, or child in the town, big 
 as it was. I said we were a couple of Americans 
 just traveling for amusement, and that they told us at 
 home that when we got to London we must be sure to 
 stop at the Langham Hotel, because it was the best in 
 the town and had the very cleverest and most accommo- 
 dating set of men. I did nt say fellows, fearing he 
 might think I was a little too free at the start. The 
 fellow, that red-headed one, looked at me a moment, and 
 smiled, glanced over his book, and then said, that if we 
 could put up with the Race-Way to-night, he could fix 
 us up conveniently by to-morrow night. ' The Race- Way,' 
 said I; 'you don't mean the stable?' That got him. 
 He laughed right out, and* said that that was only a 
 name given to a long sort of attic story that they made 
 into rooms, with curtains between, when they were 
 crowded as they are now. I told him all right, and 
 so here we are. But this is a nice place," lie continued, 
 looking around at the luxurious chairs, and sofas, and 
 snug little tables, and the huge windows opening out 
 above the street. "And those girls ! more style than the 
 Stratford's, but not nigh so friendly ; they see so many 
 more people, 1 suppose." 
 
TWO GRAY TOUKi-TH. So 
 
 About twenty gentlemen were in the room — some 
 quietly smoking, others sipping coffee or other drinks 
 on the tables, and others writing. These reminded us 
 to write letters home. At bed time we took the " lift," 
 as they call the elevator, and after a tardy and appa- 
 rently vast extent, and long perambulations afterwards, 
 reached our quarters. 
 
 " I don't know why they call this a Race- Way," Jim 
 said, when we found ourselves behind a curtain and our 
 heads touching the roof. "Let alone running, we can't 
 even stand. We shall have to get on the floor to dress 
 and undress. But they are nice, clean beds. All right." 
 
 The next morning after breakfast, while I was look- 
 ing over a map of the town, Jim, who had been to the 
 office to arrange for a change of quarters, came into the 
 smoking-room. 
 
 "Phil, what's an 'ontraysole?' That fellow said he 
 could give us a room on the ontraysole or the first floor, 
 and gave me this paper to look over the prices, etc. 
 I told him, that being old fellows we would prefer to be 
 as low down as possible, and would probably take the 
 first floor if it was'nt too expensive. He smiled, he did, 
 and I come to see you about it ; but I can't find any 
 such outlandish word here." 
 
 I took the paper and pointed to the word entresol 
 
 " The mischief! Ah, I suppose that's a French word 
 they have brought over here. I know it is, because I never 
 saw one of them that was pronounced like it was spelt. 
 But look, will you ? I thought this was the first story. 
 Instead of that, the first story don't begin until you get 
 up above the — what ever you call it. You say so? 
 Very well, we'll take the hie — the onthraysole. But I 
 never expected to stay in a place of that name." 
 
86 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 Whoever has only about fourteen days in which to see 
 Loudon must distribute and economize his time with 
 great care. By so doing, it will surprise him to find 
 how much more can be accomplished than by desultory 
 visitations, as we found afterwards in comparing notes 
 with other tourists. Jim and I studied the map thor- 
 oughly in the first instance, and then we arranged, every 
 night, our places for the next day's operations. Not 
 that we were at all unanimous in our preferences ; but 
 we had agreed to disagree whenever we pleased, each to 
 visit such places as he should choose, when our tastes 
 and dispositions did not coincide, and discuss, when we 
 should meet again, what Ave had seen. "We were to keep 
 together, however, for the first day, partly because we 
 knew we should find quite enough objects for our joint 
 inspection, and because Jim said he wanted me to get a 
 little used to the place before he could consent to my 
 starting off by myself. 
 
 " I don't want to lose you over here, Phil, and have to 
 advertise for you, you know." 
 
 On the first morning we started out for a stroll, having 
 "Westminster Abbey for our last objective point. Turn- 
 ing the corner at "All Souls' " we took our way down 
 Kegent street. 
 
 " This is'nt. the street for us to trade in, Phil," said 
 he, as we noticed the handsome shops on either side, 
 into which, so early in the day, very few buyers were 
 entering. " These stores are for folks with big money- 
 bags ; they hav'nt come out yet, you see." 
 
 Arrived at the foot of Piccadilly, I spoke of my long 
 entertained wish to see the National Gallery of Paintings. 
 
 " Yes," answered Jim, with a lazy sigh, " I knew it, 
 although I should have thought you saw enough pic- 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 87 
 
 tares at Warwick Castle. If it was'nt that I should' nt 
 care about having to give a long list of reasons when I 
 got back home why I did'nt take in such a place when 
 I had the chance, I should'nt go in with you, but wait 
 out here in this square until you got through. But lead 
 on ; I'll try it for awhile." 
 
 "Of course, you should see the National Gallery, Jim. 
 There were some fine pictures at Warwick Castle ; but 
 that was comparatively a very small collection." 
 
 "Whee— oo!" 
 
 " Whereas here, notwithstanding they have none from 
 the Spanish, there are more than seven hundred works 
 of the old masters." 
 
 " Well, let's go in and pay the old fellows a call. 
 Make it short, Phil. We are not much acquainted with 
 'em, you know, and good manners would require a short 
 visit." 
 
 We entered the building, and passed hurriedly through 
 the rooms. Jim regarded with considerable interest a 
 few pictures which were specially striking in the exhi- 
 bitions, either of great beauty in women, or great physi- 
 cal power in men. After emerging, we sat down for a 
 short rest in Trafalgar Square. 
 
 " Bigger lions than them," said Jim, pointing to the 
 immense bronzes at the foot of the Nelson Monument, 
 " I should'nt ever desire to see, that is alive. It would 
 take a sizable eagle to fly oif with one of those fellows, 
 as our Fourth of July orators used to norate about 
 before the war. But speaking of pictures, Phil, ain't 
 there some humbug in this everlasting talk about 
 the old masters, as they call 'em ? I've been hearing 
 of them all my life, and often from people who, I am 
 certain, knew about as little about 'em as I do. Such 
 
88 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 people have a sort of idea that these old masters, as you 
 call 'em, were a set of old fellows that painted, and 
 painted together a long time ago, in a sort of partner- 
 ship, and left some things which nobody could under- 
 stand, but which they thought was powerful smart, just 
 because they coald'nt understand it, and then these old 
 fellows died pretty much all together, and carried their 
 secret with 'em. Now, all such as this strikes me as a 
 piece of foolery. • But, were they so tremendous old?" 
 
 He frowned in the intensity of his doubts. 
 
 I answered his question ; he was astonished to hear 
 that Eaphael was only twenty-seven at his death. 
 
 " My goodness ! " said he, " I thought he was about a 
 thousand." 
 
 In answer to what I had to say about the preference 
 of men of taste for the older pictures, on account of the 
 prevalence of the ideal amongst them, and how this 
 ideal in art had been made in great part to give way to 
 the practical of trade and commerce, he asked : 
 
 "And ain't the world better off for the change ? " 
 
 " In some respects," I answered, " not in all. There 
 is room enough in the world for other things besides 
 trade. If a man is always at his work, or thinking 
 about it, he will get to be a sort of machine himself, 
 and, like all machines, will soon wear out. The ablest 
 and most thoughtful of the men of trade understand this 
 fact very well. They know into what a state the world 
 would grow if there were nothing but trade and physical 
 labor, and physical pleasures ; and so they build houses 
 like this, and put in them these great pictures of olden 
 times, and encourage modern artists to strive to produce 
 others like them. The effect of such things is something 
 like that of flowers, which you said were so helpful to 
 the poor. What do you say to that ? " 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 89 
 
 " You are about right, I suppose. My wife says that 
 what few pictures we own have done the children much 
 more good than the worth of the money they cost, and 
 I'm sure that the music my boys and girls make at home 
 make me feel younger, and perhaps be better than I 
 should without it. You are right, Phil. They are all 
 right. Let's go ahead." 
 
 We walked along, and soon were in Charing Cross. 
 
 " What do they call it that for ? You were to do the 
 history part, you know." 
 
 "Charing is the pronunciation the English common 
 people gave to Chere Reine — dear queen. This was the 
 place where the last halt was made while they were 
 bearing the body of Queen Eleanour, wife of Edward the 
 Eirst, to Westminster Abbey ; and here was the last of 
 the nine crosses which her husband caused to be erected 
 in her memory. It was taken down by the republicans 
 under Cromwell, and the stones used in paving the 
 street at Whitehall. But they paid for that desecration ; 
 for at the very place where the cross stood, the regicides 
 were beheaded. And here we are at old Whitehall, the 
 royal residence of the monarchs from Henry VIII to 
 William of Orange. In the latter's reign, all was burnt 
 down except the Banqueting Hall, which is now used as 
 a chapel. Just up yonder, where, you notice, the win- 
 dow has been bricked over, Charles I was beheaded." 
 
 "Do you suppose he had any idea of such as that 
 when from that old tower at Chester he saw his army 
 defeated?" 
 
 " Hardly. He probably had no apprehension, what- 
 ever else might happen, that they would take his life." 
 
 " Well, what do you think of my poetry now ? It 
 would'nt sound so bad here, eh ? " 
 
 8* 
 
f) TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 "Not quite; but one would be more apt to think of it 
 presently." 
 
 We were walking slowly up Parliament street. 
 
 " That's a fine statue," said Jim, just as we reached 
 the head. ■ 
 
 "A statue of the same king. It was sold by Parlia- 
 ment to a brazier with orders to break it in pieces and 
 apply it to other uses. But the buyer concealed it, and 
 at the Restoration of Charles II, made a great profit by 
 bringing it forth unhurt. But yonder is the place, 
 Jim, for your poetry about princes and their beds of 
 clay." Then we entered Westminster Abbey. 
 
 Two hours we spent in the sacred edifice we had both 
 so long desired to see. Silently and reverently we passed 
 along its transepts, and aisles, and chapels, reading and 
 musing upon the epitaphs of the great and the gifted 
 who were buried there, or to whom, though buried else- 
 where, cenotaphs were there erected. We paused not 
 long in the chapels where was the dust of the long lines 
 of kings and their offspring, but long enough to think 
 how small places hold the relics of the generations of 
 princes, Saxon, Norman, Plantagenet, Tudor, Stuart, 
 and Brunswick, and yet have room for uncounted gene- 
 rations to be brought there hereafter. The accidents of 
 life had made them great. These other tombs and ceno- 
 taphs outside the railings around the royal graves, 
 these were they on which we looked the longest, and 
 with solemnest emotions : statesmen and philanthropists, 
 poets and orators, warriors, on land and sea, all of them 
 heroes — some of gentle, but most of common blood. 
 Never was my mind so impressed with ideas of the 
 power of death, as, while standing amongst those mul- 
 titudes of the tombs of the great. First and last, and 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 91 
 
 longest we were in the Poet's Corner. In life, these 
 almost, without exception, had not been great nor happy. 
 Shakspeare, the lessee of Blackfriars and The Globe, 
 who had patiently borne 
 
 " The whips and scorns of time," 
 
 and Chaucer in his old age, impoverished and humbly 
 repentant ; and Spenser, first an exile on the Mulla, and 
 afterwards a fugitive thence and finding death in a poor 
 inn in his native city ; Dryden, bartering intellect for 
 bread in Soho, leaving, when dead, not enough where- 
 withal to pay the cost of being carried to the grave; 
 Marlowe, struggling in vain with the ruffian for the 
 love of the poor wench of Deptford; Goldsmith, the 
 sizar of Trinity, and the many, many others ; some more 
 fortunate, some less. How sweetly had they sung in 
 their days, in spite of poverty, and neglect, and im- 
 providence and 
 
 "The spurns 
 That patient merit of the unworthy takes." 
 
 For, like the birds of song, they must sing, whether in 
 prison or in fields and orchards. Their times of honor 
 came latest, but they shall last longest. Shakespeare 
 and Leicester, Spenser and Kaleigh, Dryden and Buck- 
 ingham, Goldsmith and Newcastle. What, if both the 
 premier and the poet could have foreseen the future ? 
 It might have been well for one, but not for the other. 
 Such singings could have been rendered only by the 
 inspiration which comes from the seriousness of sorrow. 
 Yet there is compensation in nature, and most benign it 
 is that each prefers his own to another's lot. Achilles 
 
93 
 
 TWO GRAY TO I EUST& 
 
 would have boon Aohillos over again, and Tithonus 
 would have boon Tithonus, though quick death snatched 
 the hero in his bloom, and old ago. when it could not 
 destroy, changed the bean into a grasshopper. 
 
CHAPTER IX, 
 
 ELL," said Jim, after we had dined at a res- 
 taurant, and strolling out again, passed 
 the Bird-Cage walk and taken our seats be- 
 neath a tree overshadowing the smooth lake 
 in St. James' Park. " It's a grand, solemn, old place, 
 that abbey, but cold ! Ain't it cold ? I tell you that 
 way of burying don't suit me, Phil." 
 
 " Why not ? " I asked, just to hear what he had to say, 
 for I knew his sentiments, and in part shared them. 
 
 "You remember, how they used to laugh at me 
 when I was a child for being afraid of graveyards and 
 dead people ? " 
 
 "Very well. You were the scape-goat, Jim; for I 
 was myself as weak in that respect as you were." 
 
 " Well, sir," he continued, very gravely, " nobody in 
 this world, not even my mother, who was as careful and 
 tender of me as she could be, knew for some time what I 
 suffered. In a country neighborhood, like the one we 
 were raised in, deaths happen so seldom, that every one 
 makes a stronger impression than in towns. I remem- 
 ber that the first time I was ever in Augusta, and I was 
 then sixteen years old, I saw a hearse going along the 
 street, and I asked of a bystander, in a whisper, who it 
 was that was dead, and was astonished and shocked to 
 iind that he not only did'nt know, but did'nt seem to 
 
 (93) 
 
94 TWO Gil AY T0U11ISTS. 
 
 care, while the rest of the people went along and acted 
 as if nothing uncommon had happened. In the country 
 it's different. When anyone dies, everybody goes to the 
 burying, and they talk about it for a long time after, 
 and about other deaths they knew about, and tell of 
 many things that happened, or were said to have hap- 
 pened, some about people having been buried alive. 
 The negroes in old times had tales to tell of ghosts, or 
 "spew-its? as they called 'era. Such as these used to 
 scare me nearly out of my life. I was tormented with 
 the idea that they would think I was dead when I 
 was'nt. I got so that if anybody held me down on the 
 ground I was badly frightened, and had a feeling of 
 suffocation, and thought of how it was going to be with 
 me in the grave. You see, Phil, I could'nt ever realize 
 that I should be dead. Well, my mother found out 
 some of this, not all ; and she took a wonderful amount of 
 pains with me, and always talked cheerfully about death. 
 Then she was careful with our graveyard, had more 
 trees and flowers planted in and around it, and used to 
 talk about how these would die in the winter and come 
 to life in the spring. Ever since then, I have had in 
 my mind spring flowers joined with the resurrection of 
 the dead ; and it always pains me to see a grave with 
 no flowers around it, and especially where flowers could'nt 
 grow if they were put there. The idea of death is 
 not so sad to me when I think about my grave being 
 in the open air, where my people, when I'm gone, can 
 come sometimes and tend the flowers and listen to the 
 birds singing over me. I've long ago quit being afraid 
 simply of the grave, especially since I've put away 
 some of my children — " 
 
 He paused— for his words would have tailed him. 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 95 
 
 "I agree with you fully, Jim," said I. "Time and 
 reflection have subdued most of my early fears. When 
 a boy, I used to be tormented with the very certainty of 
 having to die at last, even if I should resist the perils of 
 foregoing ages and survive to old age, horrified at the 
 ideas of the mattock, and the spade, and the darkness, 
 but — would you be young again, Jim?" 
 
 He considered a moment. 
 
 "No; not, by gracious, without Emily and the chil- 
 dren could, too. No, sir, not a day. A man that has* 
 been blest as I have, would be a rascal, if not a fool, to 
 want any such thing." 
 
 We rose, and wended our way into the' Mall, passing 
 Marlborough House, St. James', and Buckingham Pal- 
 aces into Green Park. 
 
 " They don't seem to use old St. James' much these 
 days. It looks dingy." 
 
 "It has not been used much," said I, "except on spe- 
 cial occasions, since George the Fourth, who gave it up 
 for Buckingham Palace. But its rooms are so spacious 
 that they hold great State occasions there. Many a gay 
 season have those walls witnessed, beginning with 
 Henry the Eighth." 
 
 " Yes ; now was'nt he a lively old cuss, with his seven 
 wives ? " 
 
 On we went, into Green Park, turning to view Staf- 
 ford, Spenser and Bridge water Houses. 
 
 "As our guide book says, Jim, that pretty mansion 
 with the bay windows belonged to the poet Kogers. 
 Greater numbers of illustrious men and fine women 
 have been entertained there than in any other private 
 house in the world, it is probable." 
 
 " I thought poets were always poor." 
 
96 TWO GHAY TOUlilSTS. 
 
 "Generally they hare been; but lie was a wealthy 
 banker." 
 
 "That surprises me. Banking and poetry are two 
 things that I should seldom suppose would go along 
 together. Why not? Because one of 'em requires a 
 man to have common sense, and the other, so far as I've 
 seen, requires him to be without it. I don't know much 
 about poetry, that's a fact, But poets seem to me to do 
 exactly opposite to what bankers do. "While bankers go 
 right straight ahead, they go all around and about, and 
 have an immense amount of talk about nothing, or next 
 to nothing. And then they have a way of running 
 down money as if it was a thing too dirty for a man 
 with clean hands to touch. Was he a married man ? '' 
 
 "'No; bachelor." 
 
 "Ah ha ! there it is now." 
 
 "What is it?" 
 
 " If he'd been a married man, he'd have stuck to one 
 thing, banked, and let poetry go, or poeted, and let his 
 wife make a living for both. I expect the old fellow 
 met with an accident, as Joe Wiggins called it when 
 Bettie Ehodes kicked him. I bet his sweetheart mar- 
 ried a rich man, and he went to work to get money and 
 make her sorry that she did'nt take him ; and then he 
 went into poetry, just to keep up the idea that he was a 
 badly treated man." 
 
 " But for what purpose ? " 
 
 " Eor what purpose ? Why, sir, to make people sorry 
 for him ; or, if not that, to keep on being sorry for him- 
 self. Have'nt you noticed, Phil, that most people want 
 it to be believed that they've been badly treated ? It's 
 so; and it's specially so with these poets, it seems to 
 me ; and that's what makes 'em be so everlastingly talking 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 97 
 
 about broken hearts, and blighted prospects, and com- 
 paring themselves to withered leaves, and broken links, 
 and dried-up springs, and pretending to want to die 
 right away, and — all such. Yes, I thought he must be 
 a bachelor." 
 
 " But his was one of the healthiest minds that ever 
 was." 
 
 "Oh, he might have been healthy enough. I'm not 
 talking about the old fellow's health. They are all of 
 'em healthy enough, Phil, as to that, and can eat their 
 allowance when they can get it ; but, I tell you, he met 
 with an accident, or he never would have mixed up 
 poetry with banking. Well, I'm thankful that he was 
 liberal with his money. Many a poor fellow, I suppose, 
 praised the old man's poetry and got a good dinner 
 which he could'nt have had at home." 
 
 "Shade of Rogers— " 
 
 " Come, come now, Phil, don't you begin. You've 
 got something of a hankering that way I know," and he 
 punched me playfully. 
 
 "We turned up Constitution Hill, the Palace Gardens 
 on our left. To our right, men, women and children, 
 and even numbers of sheep were walking, or lying 
 on the green grass. It seemed the outskirts of a 
 country town. The gardens on our left and the growth 
 on the east, skirting Piccadilly, excluded the sight and 
 almost the sound of the city. What a blessing such an 
 open green space to the poor ; for we noticed that most 
 of those whom we then saw were of this class. 
 
 " Have you any pennies about you, Phil ? I'm out, 
 and I hate to pass that poor woman without buying 
 something from her." 
 
 His pockets were then full of boxes of matches and 
 
98 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 such other trifling things as the poorest vend along the 
 public walks. As we passed the woman, being without 
 small change, he emptied his purchases into her basket 
 and passed on. 
 
 It is a sudden transition from Green to Hyde Park on 
 a summer afternoon. Emerging through the west gate 
 of the former, the multitudes in carriages, on horseback, 
 and on foot that one sees pouring up Piccadilly, warn 
 him that he is at the favorite resort of the middle and 
 upper classes of London, and he knows that other mul- 
 titudes are gathering along Park Lane and Oxford 
 street. As we passed in view of Apsley House and the 
 statue in honor of Wellington, Jim, looking at the latter, 
 asked why they had put upon it such a costume, and 
 being told, answered : 
 
 " Well, they may compare him with Achilles, or any 
 others of the Greeks and Komans ; but if it had'nt been 
 for Blucher, Napoleon would have whipped him. How- 
 ever, I like to see a people stand up to their own men. 
 Even if I believed that there ever were two greater men 
 than General Washington and General Lee, I should'nt 
 think it was right to say so." 
 
 We edged our way through the throngs, and passed 
 under the arch into the enclosure. 
 
 " You like live places, you say, Jim. Is this enough 
 for you ? " 
 
 "Plenty." 
 
 Surely, no where on this earth is to be seen a fuller 
 display of life in its abandon of business for the enjoy- 
 ment of leisure. Thickest about Eotten Eow and the 
 King, yet there seemed no place in the great enclosure of 
 four hundred acres where there was not life in liveliest 
 relish. Jim looked alternately upon the endless lines 
 
TWO GKAY TOUHISTS. 99 
 
 of equipages, equestrians, and pedestrians with unabated 
 delight; for although as little envious as any man I 
 know either of the rich or the young, he had exquisite 
 pleasure in the sight of enterprise and activity. We 
 took our seats on one of the benches on the edge of Rotten 
 Eow. He pulled out his watch, held it in his hands ten 
 minutes, without saying a word. Suddenly he turned 
 to me and said : 
 
 " It beats the world. I have counted, in ten minutes, 
 over four hundred carriages, just like that passing now 
 with that elegant pair of greys, all the drivers grey 
 headed and with fat legs. But they handle the reins 
 better than those fellows over there on horseback. I can 
 beat any of them I see riding. They don't seem to 
 know how to sit on trotters, but gallop themselves 
 while the horses are trotting." 
 
 "And here's the Serpentine, as they call it. All this 
 water is supplied by the Chelsea Company. Those 
 houses are put up, they tell me, for taking care of 
 people who happen to break through the ice here in 
 winter time while skating." 
 
 We advanced into the Kensington Road, strolled 
 past Albert Hall and Albert Memorial, and entered 
 Kensington Gardens. 
 
 " No great shakes that old palace, Phil. I guess the 
 queen don't stay here much." 
 
 " Not at all. The Count and Countess of Teck reside 
 here. The queen was born here, you know. Little 
 thought her father, the Duke of Kent, then that she 
 would ever be queen." 
 
 "I suppose not. "No danger of her line giving out. 
 They say there are about thirty of 'em already. There 
 has never been much talk of her marrying again." 
 
 l of a 
 
100 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 "I have no idea that she ever had any notion that 
 way herself." 
 
 " Sensible woman. At her time of life, with as many 
 children as she has, nobody, woman or man, has any 
 business marrying again. Too set in their ways. Well, 
 she made a good wife and a happy one, and it was be- 
 cause she married to suit herself. I believe in that 
 strong, for high and low, rich and poor. Four hundred 
 acres in this park ! and the map shows that Regent's, 
 the biggest of 'em all, is not far off. No wonder London 
 is the healthiest of all the big cities. See, here's a stretch 
 of nearly three miles of open country from Westminster. 
 Why don't our people in the United States learn some- 
 thing of the importance of open places in the big towns, 
 where the people can get some fresh air ? And that's 
 the reason why I thought as I did about them con- 
 founded old Chester walls — " 
 
 "Jim," said I, "my notion is to ride home. I am 
 tired of footing it. Here we are in the Uxbridge Road, 
 the same as Oxford street." 
 
 "All right. Hello, Hansom. To the Langham. 
 Eighteen pence ? You know it is'nt over two miles; 
 but go ahead. You look like a clever fellow. Quick ; 
 my old friend here is tired, and I think a cup of 'arf- 
 and-'arf would suit you ; so be quick, my lad." 
 
 At the hotel that night an incident occurred which I 
 do not believe that one of the parties interested in it can 
 have forgotten. Among the acquaintances which my 
 friend, whose qualities in that regard were more facile 
 than mine, had made was a young American who pro- 
 fessed to be from the State of Missouri. He, together 
 with a companion, a youth of about his own age, had 
 been sight seeing in London for a couple of weeks, and 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 101 
 
 were purposing to leave the next day for the continent. 
 While I was looking over the map, arranging my own 
 plans for the morrow, Jim, who had announced his 
 intention of going around generally, as he styled it, sat 
 for some time and talked with* the young man, to whom 
 he had taken, he said, a fancy, on account of his friendly 
 ways. 
 
 " It's so seldom you know, Phil, that one of these young 
 fellows cares about having much to do with old fellows 
 like us. He's been well raised." 
 
 After a while, the young men rose and left the smok- 
 ing-room. Jim then came to the table by which I was 
 sitting, and, after inquiring, in his usual way, what old 
 piece of furniture I was after next, said : 
 
 " Phil, there's a place we must see together," pointing 
 to a large building some distance beyond the continuing 
 of Piccadilly into Coventry street. 
 
 " Why, what do you mean, Jim ? That's the Argyle 
 Booms."* 
 
 "I know that; but that young fellow — and he's 
 studied this town well, he says — he tells me that's the 
 only place here where strangers can see, without regular 
 introduction, the upper classes. Not that I care spe- 
 cially about the upper classes, but I did think I would 
 like to see some of 'em one time, just to notice how they 
 carried themselves." 
 
 I gave him a short account of this establishment. He 
 sat for some time silent, then spoke : 
 
 " I would'nt have believed it ; it is'nt often that I'm 
 deceived in a man, but I suppose everybody is liable to 
 be sometimes." 
 
 We sat for an hour or so together, talking of what we 
 
 * Here resort leading characters in the demi-monde. 
 9* 
 
102 TWO GILAY TOURISTS. 
 
 had seen. I noticed that he frequently looked to the 
 door whenever any one entered, and twice, after excus- 
 ing himself, he had gone to the great hall and returned. 
 At ten o'clock I proposed to retire. Jim said he would'nt 
 keep me up, but he thought he would'nt go just yet. I 
 turned to the table, took a sheet of paper, and began to 
 write. He sat smoking his cigar, and slowly patted his 
 foot with his cane. After a few minutes he rose, and 
 I noticed that the young men had returned. 
 
 " Oh ! how are you ? " said the Missourian, addressing 
 Jim. "Up yet? I supposed you had gone to bed. 
 Glad to see you again. Been out ? " 
 
 " No," said Jim, blandly " I've been waiting to see 
 you once more, and tell you good-bye." 
 
 " Oh, you are very kind." 
 
 I folded my papers quickly. 
 
 " Yes," continued Jim, smiling more and more, " you've 
 been so kind to me since I've been here, and made me 
 so many valuable suggestions that I've been thinking 
 about you for a couple of hours; and as I knew you 
 were going to leave to-morrow morning, and might get 
 off before I could see you, I made up my mind not to 
 go to bed until you came back " 
 
 Then he shrugged his shoulders, and his face had 
 the expression somewhat of a man who Avas about to sit 
 down to a good dinner. The other seemed somewhat 
 uncertain. 
 
 " Let me ask you a question or two, my young friend. 
 You are from Missouri, I think you said. Yes. Well, 
 have you ever found out, either from your own acquaint- 
 ance or from other people's telling you, where the best 
 society is there, and what sort of people they are that 
 make it?" 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 103 
 
 " I don't understand yon, sir." 
 
 " I see } r ou don't ; but I'm going to explain right away, 
 for it's important to you." 
 
 He spoke in low tones, and with his back turned 
 towards the bar, where two of the girls sat. Then, 
 taking up the map, he said : 
 
 " You deceived me about the character of that place, 
 sir." 
 
 The young man smiled derisively. 
 
 " What do you say, sir ? " asked Jim, very mildly. 
 
 " I say that nobody but an old — " 
 
 " Say that or anything like that any further, if you 
 dare." 
 
 Several gentlemen in the room, notwithstanding the 
 low tones in which this conversation had been conducted, 
 noticed that something unusual was going on, and they 
 looked towards the disputants. One of the maids 
 glanced out of her window for a moment, and then drew 
 down the glass. Jim seemed as if he was just ready for 
 his dinner. The other whispered with his companion, 
 and patronizingly said : 
 
 " You are too old a man, sir, for me to have a diffi- 
 culty with." Then he was turning away, when Jim 
 seized him by the arm and drew him facing. 
 
 "No, sir, not quite yet; in a moment or so. Old 
 man, indeed! I thought maybe you would apologize 
 for your conduct; but that did'nt seem to suit your 
 ideas of good society, and all you have to say is about 
 your not wanting to have difficulties with old people. 
 If I had been young, there would'nt have been any occa- 
 sion for difficulties. You are not a man for difficulties 
 with young or old, unless they are too old to take any 
 care of themselves. Oh, you've got to stand here until 
 
104 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 I get through with you. /want no further difficulty 
 with you, more than to tell you what I am telling you ; 
 and if you change your mind, and think I'm not quite 
 too old for you, and conclude to have a difficulty, look 
 here; do you see that window? I'll take you up by the 
 neck and breeches and drop you out there on the pave- 
 ment. You took that liberty because I was, as you 
 have no better manners than to call me, an old man, and 
 you thought you would be safe in it. Young man, no 
 man that thinks anything of himself or the people 
 that bore him, would try to lead any other man, old or 
 young, into places where the presumption is he would 
 be sorry and ashamed to have been ; and when one does 
 such a thing with me, I'm bound to tell him that he is 
 not only a scamp, but a coward. Now, you can go. 
 But be quiet about it. It depends entirely on how quiet 
 you are, whether you go out at the door or there." 
 Loosing him, he pointed to the window. The young 
 man was livid with rage; but his companion, with the 
 air of one bent on preventing a very dangerous person 
 from doing great damage, led him away. "When they 
 had reached the door, the Missourian turned suddenly 
 round. Jim walked briskly towards him, shaking his 
 left hand towards the bar in token of silence, and 
 pointing with the thumb of his right backward omi- 
 nously towards the window. They vanished without 
 another word. 
 
 "Served him right," exclaimed, but not loudly, a 
 young man from the same State who was standing near, 
 and the rest, young and old, echoed the sentiment. 
 
 " Old man, indeed ! " said Jim, witji a tremulous 
 laugh, "I could thrash out a cowpen full of such as 
 him ; yes, a quarterly meeting of 'em. Now, Phil, I'm 
 ready for bed," 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 105 
 
 "I'm not" said I. "You've put me wide awake. 
 My dear Jim, I'm afraid you have not considered how 
 far the pavement is below that window, nor how hard 
 it is." 
 
 " That was'nt a part of my business." 
 
 In five minutes after we got into bed, he was asleep. 
 
CHAPTER X 
 
 HE following morning we went out each in 
 pursuit of the objects he preferred to visit. 
 To me, it was continuously interesting to travel 
 over places of historic renown, lingering as 
 long as possible at each, and having my reluctance at 
 leaving it consoled in quick succession by the sight of 
 another. I dismissed my cab at Somerset House. Al- 
 though this massive, solid structure was now filled, 
 for the most part, with government offices, yet I was 
 fond to recur to the old palace which formerly occupied 
 the same ground, where the great Protector for whom it 
 was named, dwelt, and later, where the queens of the 
 First and Second Charles held their courts. Here,I mused, 
 began, under the brilliant Henrietta Maria, the revolu- 
 tion in the literature of England, not less important 
 than the political events which the introduction of 
 foreign manners and tastes was destined to produce. 
 As, in the days of the Conqueror, the proud Norman 
 disdained the simple-minded Saxon, and sought for the 
 native tongue of that people to substitute the polished 
 language of the South, so now, that young gifted queen 
 and her courtiers inaugurated, with Cowley and his like, 
 that change which culminated in Dryden and Congreve, 
 and Pope, and delayed for a hundred years the native Eng- 
 lish growth. Leaving this place and strolling into the 
 
 (106) 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 107 
 
 Strand, to the left was the old Globe Theatre, in front the 
 Church of St. Clement Danes, in whose yard lay Otway 
 and Lea ; then into the Fleet — famous old Fleet, crowded 
 from end to end with recollections of the work and the 
 travail of men of letters. How heavy on them were the 
 burthens of life, as, hungry, and thirsty, and ragged, 
 they pleaded with book publishers and play managers 
 for the purchase of those soiled and blotted manuscripts 
 which were to delight the generations to follow ! Then 
 to Temple Par, where many a king has waited for the 
 bar and chains to be lowered before passing from West- 
 minster upon the priviledged soil of the old city, and 
 where many a dissevered head has hung on high tc 
 show to the world how terrible is the vengeance oi 
 princes. Turning to the right, I made my way to the 
 Temple. Eight hundred years ago ! How brave, how 
 powerful those old knights ! In this church, so fault- 
 less in its Norman architecture, they worshipped. How 
 different they from these Benchers of the Middle and 
 Inner ! Yet other names besides those of knights and 
 benchers are here. On that plain, marble slab in the 
 churchyard, close to the choir, are these words : " Here 
 lies the body of Oliver Goldsmith." Near that gate once 
 resided Samuel Johnson. How often these two, the 
 strong man and the weak, trod these places together ; 
 the one so helpless from the absence of all self-reliance, 
 the other so imperious from the remembrance of the 
 things over which, without help or sympathy, he had 
 triumphed ! The one fearing, yet relying upon the other, 
 and that other contemning but protecting him, suspect- 
 ing yet not fully knowing how great was he. How little 
 either could foresee their posthumous relationship! I 
 wonder what each thought of the comparative worth of 
 
108 TWO GKAY TOURISTS. 
 
 Rasselas and the Vicar of Wakefield ; of London and the 
 Traveller ; of Irene, and She Stoops to Conquer. In this 
 lovely garden, doubtless, many a time on summer even- 
 ings they sat down together and talked, scolding and 
 pleading, yet never thinking of parting from each other 
 for good: — not until the harmless quack should doctor 
 himself to death, and be laid away in this churchyard. 
 
 In these gardens also, Shakspeare had often sat and 
 meditated. Yonder, among that plantation of rose trees, 
 York and Lancaster plucked the badges preparatory to 
 the wars of thirty years. Along these walks the great 
 of earth — princes, statesmen, warriors, poets, judges, 
 philosophers — have strolled for longer time and in 
 greater numbers than on any other grounds of equal 
 limits and similar purposes in Christendom. Not that 
 the poets in the olden times were often there before 
 nightfall. For their apparel was ragged, and, in spite 
 of these, the bailiffs were watchful. Yet Whitefriars 
 was not far away with the protecting Alsatia, from 
 which, but not too far from which, they and the thieves 
 might steal in the darkness to the sweet arbors and 
 smell the flowers and balmy evening air. 
 
 Back to the Fleet. There is St. Dunstan's, famous 
 for the wooden giants long removed, and now striking 
 the hours for the Marquis of Hertfordshire in Regent's 
 Park ; before me, to the right, the beautiful spire of St. 
 Bride's, the masterpiece of Sir Christopher. In the 
 churchyard lie Milton and Butler ; how near each other 
 now, how far apart when alive ! Wynkin de Worde lies 
 here also. In Shoe Lane, hard by, dwelt Ben Jonson ; 
 and in the workhouse graveyard was buried Chatterton. 
 Not far off Dryden once dwelt, but afterwards in Soho, 
 where he died, In the Blue Ball Court lived Richard- 
 
TWO GEAY TOUKISTS. 109 
 
 son ; in Bolt street died Johnson. I passed on to Lud« 
 gate Hill, where was the city-gate of King Lud long 
 before the days of Caesar ; thence to Newgate and the 
 Old Bailey. What a book it would be that should chron- 
 icle all the sufferings that have been endured here! 
 There were yet the notches in the stones on which the 
 gallows was erected ; and yonder St. Sepulchre's, from 
 whose steps the nosegay was extended to the doomed, 
 and whose bell tolled the funeral knell. 
 
 Another flood of historic recollections met me as, 
 turning again, I found myself in St. Paul's church- 
 yard. Boman, Briton, Pagan and Christian worshipped 
 and suffered within this semicircle of the "Bow and 
 String." The great Diana once had a temple here. 
 Here was one of the fires with which Diocletian the 
 slave ravaged the Christian world. A little later an- 
 other sprang up on the ruins, which, in its turn, fell 
 before the Saxon in the reign of Constantine. And yet 
 another was built by the pious hands of Ethelbert of 
 Kent. Then, after other sequences of overthrows, 
 there rose this majestic structure, destined to immor- 
 talize its builder, and be one of the wonders of the 
 world. I entered, and as I cast my eyes up to the vast 
 concave, it seemed to be the most fitting of all places I 
 had yet seen for the worship of the King of Kings. I 
 ascended first to the Whispering Gallery and afterwards 
 stood upon the high parapet around the dome and 
 looked upon the pigmies in the street below. What 
 varying scenes have been enacted in the thorough- 
 fares along this lofty pile. The history of the British 
 drama is most intimately associated with St. Paul's. 
 Merry times had the ecclesiastics there, when return- 
 ing from the Council of Constance they brought back 
 10 
 
110 TWO GllAY TOUltfSTS. 
 
 from the East the Mysteries and Miracle Plays. What 
 a droll budget of religious fnn was that Sacred Comedy, 
 in which our arch enemy was whipped, and pinched, 
 and knocked down, and trampled upon, amid the roars 
 of laughter which this pious frolicking would evoke. 
 Such scenes must in time be removed from the precincts 
 of the House of God to the universities ; but the mer- 
 chandizing will go on around the churchyard until 
 now, when even strangers can notice that the bargains 
 offered are suspiciously cheap and the shopkeepers too 
 eagerly solicitous. 
 
 Having to meet my friend for a joint visit to the 
 Tower, I called a cab and drove rapidly on Cannon, East 
 Cheap, and Lombard streets, stopping once on the way 
 to look upon that other notable work of Wren — the 
 Monument — a splendid Doric column of fluted Portland 
 stone; a memento, not only of the fire of 1666, but of 
 the folly and madness which attributed it to the Catholics. 
 The great Protestant city, in the consciousness of its 
 security against all assaults except those of the devil, 
 and believing this calamity to be due to his machina- 
 tions, in the absence of the power to avenge itself on 
 him, could at least erect this lofty column, place upon 
 it a burning urn, and record upon the plinth its angry 
 protest against the Antichrist who had stimulated his 
 followers to the perpetration of that horrible crime. 
 Removed under James II, restored under William of 
 Orange, it was made to disappear finally under the mild 
 reign of William IV. 
 
 Punctually to the hour of appointment, Jim and I 
 met at the Tower Gate. 
 
 " You look tired and serious, Phil, like a man that's 
 been to a burying. Seen any old priories to-day ? " 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. Ill 
 
 « Not exactly." 
 
 "Where they used to be, I suppose. Well, while 
 you ve been rummaging about among the dead, I've been 
 mixing with the living ; for this big town has a plenty 
 of both. You do look tired. It is'nt quite dinner time 
 yet; but had'nt we better fall in around here some- 
 where and get it before going into this old concern. I'll 
 bet you have'nt had even any lunch." 
 
 " No, indeed. I have'nt had time to think about it ; 
 but it will be too late to see the Tower after dinner." 
 
 "All right. I've had my lunch punctually at twelve. 
 I tell you this English beer grows on a fellow. I don't 
 think a glass would hurt me now, and I know one would 
 do you good. We've got ten minutes. That fancy- 
 dressed old chap there, the keeper tells me, is waiting 
 for the half hour to be out, to start with a new batch of 
 visitors. I don't know how you feel," he continued, 
 after we had taken the beer, " but you look better. You 
 see, old gentleman, that a man has to take something in 
 his stomach occasionally, even while he is working in 
 old graveyards. Now for the beef-eater * as they call 
 him." 
 
 Solemn as the place was in its recollections of the suf- 
 ferings of ages, yet Jim, and so did I, thought they were 
 needlessly magnified by the measured sepulchral tones 
 of the guide. 
 
 " Did you ever," Jim whispered, " hear such a solemn 
 old customer ? That fellow's in debt, or lost his wife, or 
 been henpecked, or had his house burnt up, or had no 
 beef for his dinner to-day, or don't expect any. Upon 
 my word, he makes me feel like I had been confined 
 
 * Buffetiers are so named those who conduct visitors through the 
 Tower. 
 
112 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 here myself twenty years or such a matter. Besides, I 
 don't understand hal f that he says." 
 
 "He is a hiffctier, you know, Jim, and your mind is 
 apt to become a little confused when it gets upon the 
 bvffet. Can't you ask him to repeat, as you did the 
 woman at Warwick ? " 
 
 "Not if I know myself. Not an extra syllable would 
 I wish .to hear of that sort of talk. I suppose that 
 being here so long, he's got to be like the place.*' 
 
 It required about an hour to make the regular circuit. 
 When we emerged, Jim took off his hat, and looking 
 back at the ancient fortress, announced that he had seen 
 it one time. Then we took a hansom and rode to a res- 
 taurant on the Poultry. 
 
 " Things are even nicer here than we had yesterday, 
 Phil. Let's just one time get a square dinner, and talk 
 it all over. We've done a big clay's work, and we want 
 some rest, and then it will make us feel rich to be dining 
 down here among the big merchants and imagine we 
 own a big store apiece on Cheapside, or Leadenhall, or 
 Threadneedle, or Bishopgate, or some other of these out- 
 landish named streets. Now ain't it curious, into what 
 a small bulk great riches may be pressed when you 
 put 'em into jewels? Why a fellow could carry all 
 those crown -jewels we saw just now in a tolerable sized 
 basket. It gives me a sort of contempt for money when 
 I see so much of it in such a small lump. What pleased 
 me most of all I saw in that old Tower, was old Queen 
 Elizabeth, standing there in the Spanish Armory with 
 the same clothes she wore when she spoke to her army 
 at Tilbury. The old lady was on her metal that day, 
 sure. You don't suppose she meant what she said about 
 going herself to fight the Spaniards?" 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 113 
 
 "I should'nt be surprised. She was a woman of a 
 mighty spirit, and then she had a glorious precedent in 
 one of her predecessors, Queen Boadicea. But what 
 interested me most was the room in which Raleigh 
 languished and wrote his history." 
 
 "I can't see how any man, no matter how good a 
 writer he might be, could make a book in such a place 
 as that." 
 
 "Ah ! there lies the interest. I know of nothing in 
 the history of literature so melancholy. The gayest, 
 cheeriest, brightest, most gallant of all knights, the 
 great discoverer, the sweet poet, the Shepherd of Ocean, 
 as his friend Spenser called him, to languish in that 
 prison, without guilt, from manhood to old age by order 
 of the meanest of kings, while his wife, on the hill just 
 outside the walls, mourned with her son their captive 
 husband and father ! What must such a man do in his 
 captivity with that mind so active, so generous? He 
 can only write. He must write — not poetry: for the 
 pipe of the Shepherd has been broken and he must see 
 ocean's billows, or even green fields and restful shades 
 no more. Therefore, he will delude some of the loneli- 
 ness of captivity by writing history. And a history of 
 what ? Not of England, or of France, or of Germany, 
 or his own Orinoco; or of the Roman Empire, or of 
 Europe. No. Such a history might be finished in his 
 lifetime, and leave him unemployed. Therefore he will 
 undertake a work that never can be completed, in the 
 midst of which he will be able to look ever forward to 
 a goal. So he takes the history of the world! His 
 mind, untrammeled, began away back in the Golden 
 Age, remote from the times of Tudor and Stuart, and 
 wandered over the historic fields of Asia. He had 
 barely crossed the Bosphorus and the Aegean, and was 
 
114 IWO UK AY TOURISTS. 
 
 narrating the deeds off the Macedonian Empire when 
 the doors of his prison were opened, and the historian 
 Mas carried, with the block and the axe, to the summit 
 
 of Tower Hill." 
 
 -That stopped that business. Oh, those old kings! 
 I suppose, when Anne Boleyn's time came, they thought 
 it would 'nt do to cut off her head where other people's 
 had been, and they had it done there in the court. 
 How do yon suppose old Queen Elizabeth felt when 
 she would go near that place?" 
 
 u She never went there. With her, the Tower ceased 
 altogether to be used as a royal residence." 
 
 " She showed 'em though that Anne Boleyn's daughter 
 could hold her own with the best of 'em in cutting off 
 heads. They say the poor old woman died a horrible 
 death. She had better died along with her mother." 
 
 ''Indeed, she had. That death-bed was the mosi 
 tragic in the history of princes." 
 
 AVe rose from dinner and strolled leisurely amongst 
 the dense throngs in Lombard, Cornhill, and Bishops- 
 gate, along by old Crosby Place. 
 
 "The idea that Crosby Place/' I said, "so connected 
 in renown with the Yorks and the AVarwicks should 
 become a restaurant." 
 
 " Crosby Place ? Crosby Place ? I remember it now. 
 It was where Anne of Warwick was to meet King 
 Richard. I can quote some of his words : 
 
 That it may please you leave these sad designs 
 To him that hath most cause to be a mourner, 
 And presently repair to Crosby Place, 
 Where, after I have solemnly interred 
 At Ohertsey monastery this noble kin.ix. 
 And wet his grave with my repentant tears, 
 1 will with all expedient duty see you. 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 115 
 
 He got her, but he did'nt keep her long, as he said he 
 would'nt. A restaurant, eh ? That's not so bad. Times 
 have changed. The main business of those old times 
 seems to have been to find out the most effectual ways 
 of killing people in order to put up and put down kings. 
 Now, it is how to let people live longer and more com- 
 fortably by giving them better houses, better clothes, 
 and better victuals. So, I say, go it, Crosby. Set the 
 best dinners you can ; you are in much better business 
 taking in people to feed 'em than having young widows 
 moping about and being courted by the assassins of 
 their husbands. Ain't it so, old man?" 
 
 "I give it up." 
 
 "Well, let's go on." 
 
 On to Lothebury, where Founder's Court suggests the 
 great copper foundries that had to give way to banking 
 houses; across Moorgate into Gresham; to Guildhall. 
 Here we entered for a few moments. They were taking 
 up the carpets from the great hall in which a State 
 dinner was lately had. There were Gog and Magog, 
 " two more unlikely old cusses," Jim said, " he should 
 seldom, etc." We looked admiringly upon the statues 
 of the two Pitts and Mayor Beckford. 
 
 " See what a brave man, Jim, can say to a king when 
 the right of petition is denied : ' Permit me, sire, farther 
 to observe, that whoever has already dared, or shall 
 hereafter endeavor, by false insinuations and suggestions, 
 to alienate your majesty's affections from your loyal sub- 
 jects in general, and from the city of London in par- 
 ticular, and to withdraw your confidence in, and regard 
 for your people, is an enemy to your majesty's person 
 and family, a violator of the public peace, and a betrayer 
 of our happy constitution, as it was established at the 
 glorious and necessary revolution." 
 
116 TWO GKAY TOtTRi&TS. 
 
 "That was the way to talk it," said Jim. " It was 
 that sort of pluck that brought these old kings down 
 after a time, and learned 'em to be reasonable. And 
 now, I'm for going back to the Langham. I'm tired. 
 Besides, I've got my head full of more things than I 
 shall ever remember the half of." 
 
 "Well, let's just go down King street into Cheapside 
 and look at Bow Church for a moment, and then we'll 
 take a cab." 
 
 "Are you going inside? No? I will go with you,- 
 then. This Cheapside is about the busiest street we've 
 seen." 
 
 " It is the most crowded street in London, perhaps in 
 the world. It was the northern boundary of the city in 
 the time of the Romans. Long afterwards were held 
 here the tournaments in the time of the Edwards. 
 Here also was another of the "nine crosses which Edward 
 erected for the "dear queen." Like that of Charing Cross, 
 it was torn down by the regicides. Cheapside is now 
 the centre of the retail trade. And, now, we are in the 
 centre of cockneydom. There is Bow Church." 
 
 "A good-looking building, and a capital steeple. How 
 old is it?" 
 
 "About the age of St. Paul's. It has the best chime 
 of bells, they say, in London." 
 
 " I hope they won't sound 'em till I get away. That's 
 a music I don't fancy. Why do they call those cockneys 
 that live within the sound of the Bow bells ? " 
 
 "Cockney was a name of reproach that outsiders 
 gave to city people, on account of their luxurious and 
 effeminate habits. It geems now to apply only to those 
 who know little except city matters, and believe none 
 others are worth knowing." 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. lit 
 
 As we passed slowly along in the cab, I pointed out 
 the Old Bailey and St. Sepulchre's. 
 
 "A curious name," said he, " for a church whose bell 
 tolls while they are hanging folks. From the looks of 
 both of 'em, the church and the gaol, I should say that 
 both of those things had been going on some time. Do 
 you know, Phil, I hate the very looks of a gaol ? " 
 
 " That's not uncommon with some people." 
 
 " Oh, I don't mean that I'm much afraid of 'em for 
 my own sake; although along towards the last of the 
 war, when they were getting so fond of grabbing up 
 people, I did'nt know what might become of me when 
 those little enrolling and impressment officers might get 
 a little more audacious. But I hate the looks of gaols 
 for other people. My opinion is, that the keeping a 
 man in a place like that a long time does him more harm 
 than good. You see how it has been since imprison- 
 ment for debt has been stopped. In old times people 
 could'nt pay their debts while they lay in gaols, and 
 when they got out, they would'nt. They do so now 
 more punctually and honestly than before. As for close 
 confinement for crimes, that, nine times in ten, makes 
 men worse. I've noticed that all my life." 
 
 « Why what else could society do with criminals who, 
 not bad enough for hanging, should go without confine- 
 ment?" 
 
 "Whip 'em, my gracious! whip 'em for small crimes, 
 and drive 'em out of the country for great ones, with 
 the understanding if they come back within a certain 
 time and are caught, they shall be hung." 
 
 " Moving them, eh ? What about other communities ? 
 Such people, according to your plan, would be coming- 
 in as well as going out." 
 
118 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 "Thill's so, and in that way every poor fellow would 
 have a chance to improve himself by getting into a new 
 community. I tell you, Phil, that the punishment that 
 people dread more than anything else, except death, is 
 to be driven away out of their native and regular beats, 
 and — hello! I know where I am now. I've been all 
 over this region to-day. This is the Holborn Viaduct. 
 While you've been prowling around among the insides 
 of those old temples and houses and things, I've been 
 studying the modern improvements. When I get a 
 chance at you, I'm going to make you understand, 
 whether you will or not, something about the great 
 works that are in this town. Now, here's this Holborn 
 Viaduct," and he proceeded with the account, which I 
 foresaw was to be an extended one. He was telling how, 
 just below where we were then, the old Fleet Ditch, 
 once a stream between Holborn and the Hill, used 
 to run, and how the Fleet Ditch water was supplied, and 
 what a nuisance both of them used to be. " Hold on, 
 Jim," said I, " a minute. There's Lincoln's Inn Fields, 
 where the Chancellor and Vice -Chancellor hold their 
 courts. Over to the right is Gray's Inn, and just beyond 
 Lincoln's Inn is the College of Surgeons." 
 
 " Drive up, coachman, let's get out of this neighbor- 
 hood as soon as possible." 
 
CHAPTER XI, 
 
 HE next couple of days were spent similarly 
 to the last. While I visited places of historic 
 interest, Jim busied himself with studying 
 the great public works and manufactories 
 taking an occasional ride on the omnibuses through- 
 out a part of their lines. We met for dinner at some 
 convenient place, and afterwards repaired, the first day, 
 to Victoria Park, and the second to the Zoological 
 Gardens. On the Saturday morning after our arrival, 
 we concluded to take an excursion to Windsor. A ride 
 of a few minutes carried us* to. the ancient town. As 
 the queen was sojourning there, we could see only the 
 portions separated from the apartments occupied by 
 the royal family. 
 
 " The castle is about as big as the town," said Jim. 
 A It is supported mainly by visitors who come here, they 
 say. How old is the castle ? old enough for you ? " 
 
 "Yes, indeed; the Saxon kings resided here long 
 before the Norman Conquest. But their palace was 
 pulled down, and William the Conqueror began the 
 erection of the present one." 
 
 "Well, I think it looks well for 'em to give their 
 queen-bee a big establishment. She is the head of the 
 whole, and such an institution makes her look greater 
 to the world. More than that, she's a good woman, 
 
 (119) 
 
120 TWO GEAY TOUEISTS. 
 
 married young the man she loved, was true to him, had 
 a heap of children by him, and when he died, behaved 
 like a sensible widow, and stayed single." 
 
 We entered through the gate next to the town, and 
 merely glancing at the chapel, ascended the royal stair- 
 case which led to the summit of John's Tower. The view 
 from this, we enjoyed much. Below us, across the 
 Thames, was Eton College, where, since the days of 
 Henry VI, so many of the sons of the nobility and 
 gentry, afterwards become illustrious, received their 
 preparatory education. Lifting our eyes, we could 
 descry Stoke-Pogis, and to its right, Harrow, another of 
 the great schools of England. There, thinking of the 
 past history of the tower, my mind vividly recalled that 
 royal poet, James of Scotland, who, while listening to 
 the nightingale singing in a juniper tree in the garden 
 below, soothed his captivity by musing and writing thus 
 of his love, the beautiful Joana Beaufort. I repeated 
 the lines. 
 
 " Now was there made fast by the Toures wall, 
 A garden faire, and in the corners set, 
 Ane herber green, with wandes long and small, 
 Railed about ; and so with trees set 
 Was all the place, and hawthorne hedges knit 
 That life was none walking there forby 
 That might within scarce any wight espy. 
 
 So thick the bewes, and the leaves green 
 Beshaded all the alleys that there were, 
 And middes every herber might be seen 
 The sharpe, greene, sweete juniper, 
 Growing so fair with branches here and th«re, 
 That as it seemed to a life without 
 The bewes spread the herber all about. 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 121 
 
 And on the smale greene twistes sate 
 The little sweete nightingale and sung 
 So loud and clear the hymnes consecrate 
 Of love's use, now soft and loud among, 
 That all the garden and the walles rung 
 Right of their song, and on the couple next 
 Of their sweet harmony, and lo, the text. 
 
 IV. 
 
 Worshippe ye that lovers been, this May, 
 For of your bliss the kalends are begun. 
 And sing with us, Away, Winter, away, 
 Come Summer, come, the sweet season and sun. 
 Awake for shame, that have your heavens won, 
 And amorously lift up your headdes all ; 
 Hark Love, that list you to his mercy, call." 
 
 "What little I could understand of that sounded 
 moderate But no more than about half of it was Eng- 
 lish, eh?" 
 
 "All of it was English: old English. That is very 
 sweet, Jim. It has been greatly admired as well as very 
 much more that he wrote of the same sort ; for he was a 
 captive here eighteen years." 
 
 " Did he get the girl at last ? " 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 " Well, women, so you praise 'em, it makes not much 
 difference what foolishness you talk." 
 
 We descended, and went through the royal mews. 
 
 "And horses and carriages according," said Jim. "The 
 widow keeps a full team certain. So-so, Flora (patting 
 gently the queen's favorite riding pony), carriage-horses, 
 barouche-horses, phaeton-horses, buggy-horses, saddle- 
 horses, and ponies. Grey seems to be the favorite color 
 here; mine, too, next to chestnut sorrel." 
 11 
 
122 TWO GEAY TOUKISTS. 
 
 Emerging from the castle, we took a carriage, and 
 drove upon the Long Walk, in the shade of those 
 magnificent elms planted two hundred years ago by 
 Charles II, by Frogmore, the equestrian statue of George 
 IV, towards Windsor Forest." 
 
 "Hearn's oak ! " exclaimed Jim, when we had reached 
 it. " Here those Windsor wives had their final settle- 
 ment with old Jack. Was'nt that Ford a fool? Still 
 that wife of his was, for a married woman, right sassy. 
 And Shakspeare wrote that just to oblige the queen, 
 who wanted to see old Jack in love ? Fine, genteel set, 
 those ladies must have been, sitting up there laughing at 
 such talk and such carryings on generally." 
 
 Without going on to Virginia water, we took the first 
 turning and drove around by Datchett's, thus making a 
 semi-circle of the castle. Returning by the famous Dat- 
 chett's Mead, Jim again apostrophized the knight. 
 
 " Poor, dear old Jack ! they were too many for him, 
 were'nt they ? But he was slow to take a hint certain, 
 and give up the chase. I should have thought that- 
 after coming out of the river alive, and that buck basket 
 to boot, he would have concluded it was a lost ball. 
 But he had to be beat half to death afterwards, and 
 pinched all over before he could come to his senses. 
 And not to know that he was'nt the beau for that sort 
 of business. Haven't you noticed, Phil, that men who 
 are the quickest to take up the notion that women are dead 
 in love with 'em, have the least showing for such notion, 
 and are the easiest flattered and made fools of ? " 
 
 " Often. That's the compensation which nature be- 
 stows, or which they make for themselves in the absence 
 of pleasing qualities. None but the abject like to feel 
 that they are objects of disgust or commiseration. Men 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 123 
 
 ignore their own infirmities, and by frequent endeavors 
 to induce others to regard them as advantages, learn in 
 time to do so themselves Thus it is, I think, that such 
 weaknesses become sometimes well compensated. Ignor- 
 ance of their existence keeps down envy, which, after 
 remorse, is probably the most painful emotion of the 
 human heart. We seldom meet a person, who, whatever 
 little he may have to brag about, does not believe that 
 little better than what other people have of the same 
 sort, and simply because it is his." 
 
 "No doubt about that. I know a case in point. 
 There's Jim Hester ; you remember him ? " 
 
 "Very well." 
 
 "You know what a clever, good-natured, good-for- 
 nothing fellow he was. Well, low down as old Jim 
 went, after his father and mother died, who had kept 
 him up, he had a notion that in spite of his laziness and 
 poverty and general good-for-nothingness, he was still 
 holding up tolerably well. His brother in-law, Dave 
 Towns, let him live with him, you know. Dave fed him, 
 but he told him he must get his clothes for himself. 
 Jim got pretty seedy in time, and at last he wore out his 
 last coat. This made him stay more about home than 
 he used to; but it didn't pliase his good humor. I 
 never shall forget a remark he made to me one morning. 
 It was before the war, and before I had quit fox-hunting. 
 It was a mighty frosty morning. As my hounds were 
 running near Dave Towns' house, old Jim came out on 
 one of the plough-horses without any coat on, and joined 
 in the race! ' Hello, Jim,' says I, 'good morning; 
 pretty cold morning to be without your coat, aint it ? ' 
 I wish yon could have seen him smile, as he opened his 
 shirt, and showed another underneath. < Major Rawls/ 
 
124 TWO GEAY TOURISTS. 
 
 said he, ' haint you never found out that two shirts and 
 a westcot is the warmest dress a man can war ? ' And 
 then he looked as if he had me where it wasn't any use 
 to try to get away. What do you think of that ? " 
 
 "A capital illustration. Jim believed what he said, 
 or, what was better, he thought you did: this com- 
 pensated for the want of a coat, and served to subdue 
 his shame for not owning one. When conceit takes that 
 shape, it does no harm. Jim Hester was a philosopher 
 without knowing it." 
 
 " He was that, or something, certain ; and so it was 
 with old Jack. He had carried that mountain of flesh 
 so long, that he at last, not only got reconciled to it, but 
 believed it becoming, and that it made him a woman- 
 killer, until at last the prince, now become king, threw 
 him overboard. That undeceived him, and killed his 
 heart. It was a mean thing in the king to do it. He 
 might have given the old fellow some little office or 
 other that would have kept him from breaking com- 
 pletely down. I don't believe in anybody getting too 
 good all of a sudden, and dropping old companions." 
 
 Hastening back to the city, we took a cab for Hampton 
 Court. Lingering for a short visit at Kensington 
 Museum, in about an hour's time we were at Kew, once 
 the favorite residence of George III. In a not preten- 
 tious palace on one side of the green, then resided a 
 prince and princess of the blood royal. The view from 
 the corner of the green next the gardens is very pleas- 
 ing. The mansions seen through the trees overshadow- 
 ing its borders, and the church standing diagonally 
 across, make an agreeable picture. 
 
 " There's the everlasting photographer," said Jim, as 
 we stopped near the gate. " We are getting too old to 
 keep up that foolishness, eh ? " 
 
TWO GRAY TOUKISTS. 125 
 
 But the man and the woman who worked with him 
 were so solicitous, and we saw that in the fine sunlight 
 they executed with such dispatch, that we concluded to 
 stand. 
 
 "I see," said Jim, after he had finished with us, 
 " that you have improved by travelling in good company, 
 and putting on new clothes and a London hat." 
 
 We walked through these gardens, probably the most 
 extensive and various in the world. Jim was especially 
 interested in the Palm House, with its enormous collec- 
 tion of evergreens from all countries. In spite of the 
 oppressive heat therein, we mounted the stair-case to 
 the galleries in order to get a better view of the lofty 
 trees as they towered on high with the same freedom 
 and pride as if they were standing upon their native 
 plains. After strolling through the conservatories and 
 amidst the flower beds and plantations, and the winding 
 walks, overshadowed with stately forest trees and ex- 
 tending down to the river, we sat down to rest awhile 
 beneath a spreading fir. 
 
 " Nothing," said Jim, " that I have seen since I left 
 home has made me wish to have Emily with me as these 
 gardens. I do wish she could see them. She would 
 enjoy them. The mischief with me is I never can 
 remember how such things look so as to describe them 
 afterwards. But, I'll tell you one thing, Phil, I have'nt 
 seen any roses over here that are prettier than her's, nor 
 any greater variety. That will be a consolation to her 
 when I tell her so. Somehow, flowers, when I'm away 
 from home, make me think of her more than anything 
 else does, especially roses. Its always been so. Oh! 
 Come, let's go on." 
 
 A few minutes drive, on leaving Kew, brought us to 
 Richmond. n* 
 
L26 two i.K.VY TOURISTS, 
 
 "Aii aristocratic town I take this," ho said, as, after 
 stopping at t ho Star and Garter and ordering dinner, we 
 strolled out for a short walk, and looked upon the 
 splendid villas in the outskirts. e< You notice that, like 
 Hyde Park, no cabs can enter this. But for our walk 
 at Kew and the want of time, I should like to go down 
 into that deep shade yonder. Richmond? Richmond? 
 Why, old Queen Elizabeth died in Richmond, did'nt 
 she?" 
 
 " Yes, the town takes it's name from her grandfather, 
 Henry YII, who. you remember, was the Karl of Rich- 
 mond, This has always been a favorite resort for the 
 aristocracy. See what a splendid view there is here." 
 
 "This is a great country for the rich, Phil. It does 
 look like it was made and laid oft* for rich people. 
 These magnificent views, and parks with shade-trees and 
 deer. As for poor people, they seem right well in the 
 country, such as I've seen ; but those in the big towns 
 are of another sort. They are the poorest and the 
 worst-looking in London that ever I saw or ever imag- 
 ined to be in the world. Yesterday, I took a notion to 
 roam about among some of the poorest parts of the 
 town. I rode around old Whitechapel and places like 
 that ; I forget the names o( the streets. I was glad at 
 last to get away. They looked not only poorer than 
 I had ever dreamed o\\ but they looked savage, men 
 and women. They stared at me as if they had a notion 
 of dragging me out of the carriage and mobbing me 
 for haying on good clothes. The driver laughed 
 when 1 told him 1 had had enough, and he said T 
 had'nt seen anything yet; but that to see the worst I 
 would have to take a policeman along with me. I 
 stopped once out there, near Whitechapel, at a court- 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 127 
 
 house. In a little room, not twenty-feet square, they 
 were trying one woman for cutting another with a 
 case-knife. There were the judge's seat, high up like 
 an old-fashioned pulpit, the lawyers' benches and jury's, 
 a prisoner's box, and room enough besides for about a 
 dozen or fifteen others. I gave the officer at the door a 
 little piece of money, and he let me in and set me right 
 down by the prisoner's box. Of all the court-rooms 
 that ever I saw, that was the smallest, and of all crowds, 
 they were the hardest-looking, except the lawyers and 
 the judge. With their wigs and gowns, a body could'nt 
 say what sort of clothes they had underneath, nor whether 
 they were poor or rich. The judge was a man of sense 
 though, and seemed to understand the law and the sort 
 of people he was dealing with. He as good as told the 
 jury that he believed that what most of the witnesses, 
 except one little boy, had testified to, was a pack of lies, 
 especially as they (all except the boy being women) 
 were drunk when the fight occurred. I don't know how 
 they found. When the judge's charge was done, I left, 
 and I told the driver to bring me back into the white 
 settlements. That was about four miles the other side 
 of the Langham, and nowhere near that end of the 
 town. The truth is, if we were to count this London 
 {is we count towns in our country by keeping on count- 
 ing until the stores and dwelling houses stop, there's no 
 telling where the everlasting place does end. What are 
 you laughing at ? " 
 
 "I was amused at the discursive ways your mind and 
 yoir- talk were taking. You have sadly mixed up the 
 aristocracy and the poor, Kichmond and London." 
 
 "Jdid'nt mix 'em; they mixed themselves. There's 
 more mixing up of people and towns in this country 
 
128 TWO GEAY TOUEISTS. 
 
 than anywhere else on top of the ground. London city 
 proper, you know, is rather a small concern. I did'nt 
 know that until I got here and found people talking 
 about Bishopgate without and Bishopgate within. 
 London city ends on the west at Temple Bar and on the 
 east at Ludgate Hill, and it has something of a distinct 
 government of its own. And there's even in that centre 
 a plenty of poverty along with all the riches. The two 
 extremes of uncountable money and un-something-ed — ■ 
 I don't know what word to find for it — poverty have 
 come together here in this London town and go on side 
 by side. Now, not that there isn't a very large majority 
 of people in moderate circumstances, as, of course, there 
 is everywhere. Three-fourths of the tax paying people 
 here live on incomes of less than three hundred pounds. 
 Yes, sir, things are mixed over here. In our country, 
 when you get out of a town you are out. But with this 
 Babylon of a London, when you've been travelling along 
 for hours and see scarcely a particle of change, they tell 
 you you're eight or ten miles outside of it, and been 
 through half a dozen other towns besides. But you 
 make me do pretty nigh all the talking, while you are 
 everlastingly looking over your books and maps trying 
 to find some new old thing or another. What's that 
 you are spying out now ? " 
 
 "Twickenham," said I; "that lies in our way to 
 Hampton Court, and, if possible, I should like to have 
 a peep into the grotto of Alexander Pope, who used to 
 live there." 
 
 " The universal-prayer man ? " 
 
 "The same." 
 
 " Why, we must see that, of course." 
 
 "But it is private property, and they tell me that 
 strangers are not admitted there." 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 129 
 
 " Nothing like trying ; only yon let me manage that." 
 
 After a first-rate dinner, we set out. Crossing again 
 the Thames, we ascended the hill on the opposite bank, 
 and were soon in the old village. We drove by the ele- 
 gant mansion and grounds of the exiled Bourbon, and 
 looked over towards Strawberry Hill (now owned by Lady 
 Waldegrave), once the residence of Horace Walpole. 
 How much of gossip, but of the politest, most enter- 
 taining, most instructive sort, had been talked, and, for- 
 tunately for posterity, written down in that country 
 place. By inquiring among those persons whom we 
 met we ascertained the precise spot in the street beneath 
 which was the grotto. On the grounds to which it 
 extended, stood a handsome villa. After passing it 
 a few rods, we halted, descended from the carriage, and 
 approached the gate, Jim in the lead. A neatly-dressed 
 woman was standing before the door in one of the walks. 
 Jim advanced respectfully towards her, as she turned 
 on seeing us, and, taking off his hat, gave her a bow and 
 a good afternoon. 
 
 "I beg pardon, madam; but we called to beg the 
 liberty of seeing, but for one moment, the — eh — the — " 
 
 He hesitated and looked at me. 
 
 " Grotto," I said. 
 
 "Certainly; the name escaped me for a moment, — 
 the grotto of Mr. Pope." 
 
 "Very sorry, sir, but strangers are not allowed — my 
 orders are to — " 
 
 " I beg your pardon, madam, we heard that was the 
 qase, but not until we had left our homes. We are 
 Americans who have come over to see your beautiful 
 country, and we have been delighted, madam, not only 
 with the country itself, but with the people whom we 
 
130 TWO GRA.Y TOURISTS. 
 
 have seen thus far. As for myself, madam, and I am 
 sure I can say the same for my friend, a friendlier, 
 politer people we would both, seldom, in fact, never 
 wish to see. We did hope, indeed, just to look for one 
 minute into the grotto (intending, of course, to leave 
 immediately afterwards), just to say that we had seen 
 it, especially as both of us, which you can see for your- 
 self, are somewhat advanced in life, and could hardly 
 expect to make such a trip again and — why, bless me, 
 what a beautiful place this is, and you notice, Philemon, 
 how well it is kept ? in what taste ? and everything of 
 the kind ? Healthy, too, I don't doubt. However, you 
 English have such elegant complexions, especially you 
 English ladies, that, it's not worth while to inquire- 
 though some do have better than others — and, indeed — 
 the grotto, I understand, is just there, and runs under 
 the street — a very convenient place. "Well, Mr. Perch, 
 we can tell our friends that they were very polite to us, 
 and if it had'nt been strictly against the rules— but, 
 upon my word, a better kept place I should, indeed — " 
 
 He was turning slowly around, looking persuasively, 
 alternately at the woman and the shrubbery which he 
 knew covered the entrance to the grotto. She smiled, 
 hesitated, and said: 
 
 "I suppose there is'nt any harm just in looking at it." 
 Then she led us through, taking pains to show us the 
 stump of the willow that the poet had planted. Jim 
 thanked her so cordially that she valued his words, I 
 believe, more than the present that he forced her to 
 take. She looked at him, as we left, as if she believed 
 him to be one of the best of men. If that was her 
 thought, she was not mistaken. 
 
 " You see, Phil," he said, when Ave were again in the 
 carriage, "nothing like being polite to people." 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 131 
 
 *' You don't think that you pushed the .figure any too 
 far with the good woman ? " 
 
 'Not a bit of it. I suppose the owner is often wor- 
 ried by people, many of whom have no better manners 
 than to almost demand admittance. They are genteel 
 people, and while they wont show the place for money, 
 I've no doubt they let in other genteel people sometimes 
 when they apply in the right sort of way. My wife 
 loves to hear her front yard praised, and I knew this 
 woman, although nothing but a servant, would too, and 
 I'd have said what I did, even if I had'nt wanted any- 
 thing. And then, Phil, I did'nt know, you see, but that 
 her husband, or brother, or sweet-heart might be the 
 one that kept it in order." 
 
 " But what about the complexion ? " 
 
 " Oh, you get out. If it had been you, you would 
 have been met at the gate and turned back, and probably 
 had the dogs set on you. What did you think of the 
 grotto, as you call it ? I call it a hole in the ground." 
 
 " It is smaller than I expected ; yet, I am much grati- 
 fied to have seen it." 
 
 " I'm glad I've seen it myself, that is, one time. I 
 can't understand how any smart man w r ould want to stay 
 in such a place as that. But poets take up mighty 
 strange notions. Then he was a little scrap of a fellow, 
 and wanted to be seen seldom, I suppose. I expect he 
 made it, to hide in sometimes when people called on him 
 that he did'nt want to see." 
 
 " No, he was very fond of it, studied and wrote in it, 
 and entertained his friends there." 
 
 "Many men of many minds, many birds of many 
 kinds, as the copy-book says." 
 
 As we approached Hampton Court, it was easy to see 
 that the great cardinal, who, in search of healthfulness 
 
132 TWO GRAY TOtlUSTS. 
 
 and fitness of situation, founded it, had been abundantly 
 successful." 
 
 "Another mean thing, 7 ' said Jim, as Ave rode along the 
 road in Bushy Park, "in Henry VIII, in taking thi.i 
 place, dry so, from old Wolsey. Well, sir, he was an 
 interesting fellow to me somehow. When he wanted 
 anything, he took it, without making any bones about 
 it, whether it was a new wife, or a palace, or land, or 
 money. He set out Avith the notion, or he got to believe 
 so at last, when they turned him out of the Church, that 
 every man and woman, and building, church or what 
 not, belonged to him, and if this doctrine did'nt suit 
 any particular person, he cut his head off, and shut his 
 mouth. But, I suppose the people had got so tired of 
 the everlasting wars, that they thought it as Avell to let 
 him cut off the heads of as many big men, and haA r e as 
 many pretty women for wives as he wanted, instead of 
 resisting and breaking out into Avar again. He was 
 smart enough to see the situation, and he took it." 
 
 We entered the court, and ascending the King's grand 
 stair-case, passed through the several chambers. What 
 a flood of historic reminiscences here! I thought of 
 the marvelous rise of the butcher's son, the entertain- 
 ments, literary and festal, he had given here to lords and 
 ladies of his own and other lands, little foreseeing that 
 in that same grand hall, some of these same lords and 
 ladies would in time listen to the tragic recital of his 
 own downfall, while himself, in the Abbey of Leicester 
 would be warning his follower of the dangerous heights 
 of ambition. As little had the beautiful Anne Boleyn, 
 despising the faded beauty of her royal mistress, fore- 
 seen that dark room in the Tower, and that scene in the 
 court below. Indeed, could the poAverful tyrant fore- 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 133 
 
 see that even there would be ever an end to his own life? 
 It would seem that such disregard of God and man must 
 have counted on living on always. But he would be 
 king to the last, and even endeavor in his dying hour, to 
 bid death wait, until he could hear that the head of 
 Norfolk had fallen beneath the axe. Following along 
 the track of history, I beheld Edward, and the imperi- 
 ous, godless Somerset, Elizabeth and Mary, the two sis- 
 ters, so widely different in their characters and careers, 
 and in the charitable speeches of the next ages; the 
 Stuarts, Cromwell, dreaming, after allying with nobility, 
 of founding another line of dynasty; William and 
 Mary, husband and wife, yet not lovers, laying out this 
 beautiful park in which he was destined to be thrown 
 from his horse and killed ; Queen Anne, reminded, at 
 the consecutive deaths of all her numerous offspring, of 
 the infelicities of kings, when they see the glory depart- 
 ing from their houses ; and then the line of Brunswick, 
 until, with the demise of the Second George, Hampton 
 ceased to be the favorite residence of princes, and was 
 consigned to the remnant of the decayed old nobility. 
 "How many more among those who lived and ruled in 
 this stately pile, the cups of disappointment than the 
 cups of joy," I said, as after coming out of the gate, and 
 entering the carriage, we were driving again through 
 Bushy Park. 
 
 " Yes, sir," answered, Jim, " they paid high for what 
 they got. The more I think of it, Phil, the more I'm 
 thankful that I was'nt born, as Weller says, in that 
 sitooation of life, or that I myself ain't a big man. That's 
 a blessing, I know, that's very common. Still, every 
 common man don't appreciate it like I do." 
 
 Returning to Kew, we dismissed our carriage, and 
 12 
 
134 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 took the boat which we saw just then slowly descending 
 the river above us. We walked down the bank towards 
 the landing. As we were nearing it, Jim suddenly 
 exclaimed: 
 
 " Where's your overcoat ? " 
 
 I had left it in the carriage. The boat was now at 
 the landing, where it would remain but a couple of 
 minutes. I looked back, and to my surprise, there on 
 the bridge, on which we had already crossed when we 
 left him, stood the cabman, holding on high the missing 
 garment, and motioning to us to proceed, rushed towards 
 us with all his might. I rewarded the man, while Jim, 
 who could not keep his hands out of his pockets, gave 
 to him also, and shaking him by the hand, said : 
 
 " My dear fellow, if you ever come to Georgia — " 
 
 The laugh of the captain and passengers who had 
 seen our strait, drowned the rest, and we were off. 
 
 " Honestest people I ever saw, cap'n," said Jim. 
 
 "Who, the cabbies?" 
 
 " Yes ; but not them in particular : the whole Eng- 
 lish nation, by gracious." 
 
 "Oh, thanks; but he dared not keep the great coat. 
 He's an honest lad, I daresay; but he dared not keep 
 it." 
 
 " In our country, sir, many a one would have dared to 
 keep it, and would have kept it. You see this aged 
 person here, cap'n," he continued, laying his hand on 
 my shoulder, " I have to keep my eye on him constantly. 
 If I take it off him for a minute he's lost something. 
 He'd lose everything he's got twas'nt for me. A little 
 advanced, you know," whispering very loudly, " memory 
 not good as it used to be." 
 
 " Even loses his thread sometimes, Jim, eh ? " I said. 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 135 
 
 "You get out." 
 
 The weather was fine; the little steamer passed 
 along down so leisurely, that the many row-boats that 
 were out seemed to think it not worth their while to 
 get out of its *way until it had reached within a few 
 feet of them. 
 
 "And here's Chelsea. At the hospital here, they take 
 care,- inside and out, of several thousand children of 
 seamen. Here's where the great water-works of London 
 begin." 
 
 "And here," I said, " also Queen Elizabeth once had 
 a palace, and right yonder on that rising immediately 
 on the bank was the house of Sir Thomas More, the 
 loveliest character in British history." 
 
 By Putney, Battersea, Fulham, Lambeth. We debarked 
 at Westminster bridge, and taking a cab, as the sun 
 went down, drove to the hotel, both feeling and both 
 saying that it was a most agreeable day's excursion. 
 
 That night Jim entertained me with an extended 
 account of his travels in the city by omnibus and under- 
 ground railway, his investigations concerning the Hol- 
 born Viaduct, the Thames Embankment, the Tunnel and 
 other great works of London. "While you were poking 
 about," he said, "to find out what the town had been, 
 I was seeing what it is now." He had gathered up 
 the statistics of many of these works, and the figures of 
 their cost and the extent to which they were used were 
 surprising and rather interesting to me. 
 
 " I did'nt," said he, winding up his account, " I did'nt 
 have any idea of the bigness of this town and the tre- 
 mendous business that is done here, before I saw it 
 with my own eyes. I've ridden through and through 
 it, lengthwise and crosswise. The people! the people 
 
[ 
 
 rwo ouw TOURISTS, 
 
 that live ami work here! How rich are the rich, and 
 
 how poor i ln> poor! These poor the rioli have to take 
 some care o\\ and so tar as money is concerned, and 
 
 hospitals, they spend and build, and build and spend. 
 St. Thomas' Hospital alone, reeeives sixty thousand 
 people a year! Hut to see the crowds of poor people 
 that I have, one Would 'nt suppose there was a hospital 
 in England, In some places they are as thick as -worms 
 in an old rotten log; and they almost are like 'em as 
 they go crawling and dragging themselves about. Hut, 
 yon know, people have got to have the poor always. 
 The Bible says that." 
 
 ••So yon see, Jim, that yon have something else to be 
 thankful tor besides not being a king." 
 
 "Yes, indeed, and 1 don't know for which the most. 
 I'm sorter like Agar, Phil. Neither poverty nor riehes 
 for me. 1 always would want enough to live on deeently. 
 and to keep from having to steal, or feel like stealing 
 from other people. But Til be blamed if I believe I 
 could stand being as rich as some o( these people over 
 here." 
 
CHAPTER XII, 
 
 A VIXG- determined, contrary to our first expec- 
 tations, to make a flying visit to Scotland be- 
 fore passing to the Continent, early on Monday 
 morning we were on the train for York. 
 Shortly after taking our smoking-car, an Englishman, 
 stout, fair, side-whiskered, hearty-looking, came in, and 
 after placing his luggage carefully, took his seat without 
 seeming to notice that any but himself were there. We 
 had barely moved out of the station, when he took out a 
 cigar, lit it, and read his newspaper. Jim and I, with 
 maps extended, studied the region over which we were 
 to journey, which like all the rest we had seen of this 
 beautiful country was full of ever varying interest. 
 The villas, the hayfields, and market- gardens of Middle- 
 sex and Herts, in the latter, the apple-orchards, as the 
 city-like and suburban prospects subsided into the rural, 
 and the fields became larger and the shade trees more 
 abundant, made us glad to be in the fresh air once more. 
 We flew into Bedford (where we again saw the Chiltern 
 Hills), along the pleasant banks of the Ivel on its way 
 to join the Ouse ; then into Huntingdon, where I thought 
 of the brave Iceni who had dwelt here, and Boadicea, 
 their queen, and how, at last, at Caister, they went down 
 before the Koman legions under Silanus; and then of 
 the less ancient, yet far remote rule of the Forest Laws, 
 
 12< 
 
 (137> 
 
138 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 and the great Earls of Huntingdon, descending to bold 
 Kobin Hood. 
 
 Biding in the same carriage, seated silently by a 
 good-looking man, who seemed as if he might have some 
 good talk inside of him, was one of the things that Jim 
 Rawls was not used to. In speaking before this of some 
 of the acquaintances he had made, he said to me : 
 
 " These English people will travel with you a month, 
 and say not one blessed word to you unless you speak to 
 them first; and then, at the start, they'll just answer 
 your questions and no more. But if you don't put 'em 
 too fast, and then if you'll ask sensible questions — as I 
 generally try to make it a point to do — they will get 
 right sociable, if they ain't busy." 
 
 On this morning, after some talking among ourselves, 
 and while I sat ruminating over the past history of this 
 section, I noticed Jim open his cigar-case, and after he 
 had fixed the attention of our fellow traveller, with 
 apparently great care, select a cigar, and hand it to him 
 with this remark r 
 
 "I see you smoke, sir. We have some very good 
 American cigars ; won't you try this one ? " 
 
 Such cordiality few could have withstood. The gen- 
 tleman, whom Jim found to be a Mr. Flynt from York- 
 shire, accepted with thanks, and very soon the two were 
 on terms of reasonable good fellowship. Their interest 
 in each other gave me opportunities to meditate without 
 interruption. Jim was delighted to meet a person who 
 could answer all his questions about the present state of 
 the country, the character of the crops, and their condi- 
 tion, the lands and their prices, the manufacturing 
 interests, etc. As we went through Peterborough, I 
 observed, as well as I could, with the help of my opera- 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 139 
 
 glass, the old Cathedral, with its turrets and pinnacles 
 and monastic edifices adjoining. Within was the dust 
 of Catharine of Arragon. Neither her innocence nor 
 her misfortunes had obtained for her a different resting 
 place. Not so with the Queen of Scots, whose remains, 
 first deposited there, were afterwards removed by her 
 son, James I, to Westminster Abbey. Yet this had 
 been no common place, but for centuries had been the 
 favorite shrine of the pious, whether prince or noble, 
 knight, or gentleman, or yeoman; and, from the gifts 
 of the devout Edgar, had been called Guldenburgh, " the 
 Golden City." 
 
 Our companion was no more able to refuse Jim's invi- 
 tation to partake of our lunch than to decline his cigar. 
 Having gotten on easy terms, both of us were entertained 
 by his conversation. While not a man of liberal educa- 
 tion, he was well acquainted with the resources and the 
 business of his section. As we passed along through 
 the great county of Lincoln, I listened as he talked of 
 the undulating wolds of the northeastern portion of the 
 county, the moors, extending north and south through 
 the centre, and the fens in the southeast, fenced off by 
 embankments from the German Ocean. I, but not Mr. 
 Flynt, could occasionally detect on Jim's face an amused 
 smile, as the former spoke, with some pride, of the four 
 rivers of the county, the Trent, the Welland, the Witham, 
 and the Ancholme, as if they were well known rivers of 
 Damascus. Passing into Nottingham, our guest — for 
 such Jim considered him now — spoke yet more know- 
 ingly of general interests and industries. While he 
 was discoursing to Jim of the immense business done 
 in the lace and hosiery lines, I could but recur to the 
 Druids who once held here their solemn reign. Away 
 
140 TWO GRAY TOUKISTS. 
 
 to our left were to be seen some remains of Sherwood 
 Forest, where the gestes of Eobin Hood were enacted. 
 Along where we were travelling, doubtless he^and Little 
 John, and Friar Tuck and the rest had passed ; and not 
 far off was Kirksley Hall, where, having been betrayed 
 by his kinswoman, the bold outlaw ended his career. I 
 said how I regretted not being able to visit that spot. 
 Mr. Flvnt expressed some surprise, and Jim asked : 
 
 "What's Kirksley Hall?" 
 
 " Where Robin Hood died and was buried," and then 
 I repeated the ballad beginning thus : 
 
 ' When Robin Hood and Little John 
 Went o'er yon bank of broom, 
 Said Robin Hood to Little John 
 We have shot for many a pound." 
 
 " That's right good," said Jim, " I always liked that 
 Robin Hood. He never hurt woman, nor man in 
 woman's company. Still, he might have known that 
 following' that sort of business he would be cut off sud- 
 denly somehow, by rope, or something else." 
 
 Mr. Flynt smiled approvingly, and they returned to 
 the lace and hosiery business. This turn shut me up 
 at once, and sent me back to my meditations. For the 
 rest of the journey to York they sat opposite each other 
 at one side of the carriage, while I was by the window 
 at the other. We were not far from the station, when 
 Jim turned to me and asked with an air of one who 
 was seeking honestly for useful information : 
 
 " Phil, can you tell this gentleman about how far it 
 is from Boston to Buenos Ayres ? He asked me, but I 
 disremember, although I did know once, and am sur- 
 prised that such a plain thing should have dropped out 
 of my mind." 
 
TWO GEAY TOUKISTS. 141 
 
 I was figuring in my mind preparatory to giving an 
 answer, when Mr. Flynt arose, commenced getting down 
 his luggage, and, looking out of the window, said: 
 
 " We are at York, gentlemen." 
 
 After we had parted, and were on the way to our 
 hotel, Jim said: 
 
 " You want to know why I asked you that question ? 
 Don't you think that man believes that the war we had 
 lately was between North America and South America ? 
 And he a man that owns land, and has plenty of sense 
 besides. I wish you could have heard him asking about 
 our negroes, and our feeding 'em on cotton seed, and 
 working 'em in chain-gangs, and locking 'em up at 
 night, and our haying to stand guard and all such. 
 But he's a clever fellow, and a sensible. He had heard 
 such things, and he believed 'em. I've heard a good 
 deal of just such as that since I've been over here. I 
 don't know whether they believe me or not, but I poke 
 all the information into 'em I can. I told him I thought 
 it was about ten or fifteen thousand miles between 
 Boston and Buenos Ayres, a right smart distance for 
 two armies to pass over before they could get up a fight. 
 But, bless me, here's another old wall. I'd have bet 
 that you'd stop where there was one of them. The 
 Black 8wan, eh ? Well, I'm ready for whatever good 
 things she's got in her smoke-house and pantry." 
 
 Our expectations concerning this excellent hotel were 
 fully realized under the care of Mr. and Miss Penrose. 
 We supposed at first that the pretty bar-maids were 
 their daughters, so fond of them they seemed ; but we 
 found that the host and hostess were brother and sister, 
 and unmarried. Their uncle and aunt, then argued 
 Jim, But no ; it was only that the employed were so 
 
142 TWO GRAY TOUEISTS. 
 
 sweet and efficient, and the employers so orderly, con- 
 siderate, and kind. The Yorkshire mutton chops and 
 ham, and ale, the snug smoking-room, and clean, cosy 
 hed-chamber, would have inclined us to rest here several 
 days. Our host, we thought, might have provided us 
 with a somewhat better horse than the old white jade 
 that took us out to Bishopthorpe, the Archbishop's 
 palace. But we did not complain; for the fields and 
 farms on either side of the road were so fair to look 
 upon, that we could have been content to travel at a yet 
 slower pace. A sweeter spot (always excepting Guy's 
 Cliffe) could not well have been chosen for retirement 
 and religion. The Ouse, laving the palace walls and 
 smoothly gliding amidst shades and flower-beds, the 
 deep green grass, the magnificent roses (the finest we 
 saw in England) engrafted upon lofty stems, all seemed 
 to form a retreat where a scholar and devout prelate 
 might dwell in quiet and felicity. A drive about the 
 town on our return showed us its objects of special 
 interest. Old "Walmsgate, yet preserving its barbican, 
 with the arms of the city and Henry V; Micklegate, 
 that, although now without barbican, yet called to mind 
 that here were wont to be hung in bloody times the heads 
 of the executed ; and Clifford's Tower, which though now 
 occupied by those who manage the public business of the 
 county, still could not fail to recall the days of feudal 
 ascendency. The most beautiful of ruins seemed to those 
 of St. Mary's Abbey, near Marygate, the multangular 
 tower of which is now a musuem. But it was while 
 wandering near Christ Church, and along by Good ram 
 gate, the site of the ancient Eoman palace, that I was most 
 interested. Here Hadrian had fixed the British capital, 
 after he had subdued the islanders and carried a wall 
 
TWO GKAY TOUEISTS. 143 
 
 from Carlisle to Newcastle. Here Albinus commanded 
 with his legions, when, on the assassination of the good 
 Pertinax, Septimus Severus beguiled him away with the 
 argument of patriotic revenge upon Niger to rescue the 
 people from the base Julianus. Here the same Severus, 
 Niger and Albinus being overthrown, repaired on the 
 revolt of the Britons with his sons Oaracalla and Gaeta, 
 whose ingratitude, crimes and dissensions rendered vain 
 his successes, and broke his heart. Here the accom- 
 plished Julia Domna reigned and dazzled, and did not 
 foresee the wounds she was to receive while lifting 
 her hands to rescue the beloved Gaeta from the 
 murderous knife of his brother. Yet more interesting 
 than these the reminiscences of Oonstantius and his 
 dynasty. Here died he, and on that day the legions 
 declared emperor the son, who was to erect the standard 
 of the Cross, and remove the centre of political empire to 
 New Rome on the Bosphorus, leaving the Eternal City 
 to become that of religious unity. 
 
 But vain were walls and towers against the moun- 
 taineers, unless the Soman legions were within and 
 around them. With the decline of the empire, another 
 power must come from beyond the German Ocean, and 
 after six hundred years of rule, while the last king, in this 
 same ancient city would be holding high festivity after 
 the battle of Stamford Bridge, the dread news be brought 
 that William the Norman was at Pevensey, and in an- 
 other week the Saxon dynasty be laid low. The mind 
 saddened in retracing the bloody scenes enacted here, 
 both in war and in peace, Briton, Saxon, Norman, Lan- 
 caster and York, Stuart and Parliamentarian, < Druid, 
 Christian, and Israelite. 
 
 " In the name of common sense," said Jim, winding 
 
144 TWO GEAY TOURISTS. 
 
 up another tirade against the preservation of those relics 
 of cruel times, "I can't see why they should want to 
 keep that old Micklegate that's in everybody's way, just 
 to look up to where the heads of their great, great 
 great grandfathers were hung up and left to feed the 
 buzzards." 
 
 " My dear Jim, it is to remind themselves and their 
 children and all the world from what oppressions the 
 courage of their nearer ancestry delivered their country." 
 
 " Humph ! That's like the old nigger who, when he 
 was fishing in the creek, his under lip poked out about 
 two inches, and a white boy from the bridge above, 
 dropped on it a piece of mud, got up and started off, 
 saying : ' I don't 'tend to take it off. I don't 'tend to 
 take it off. I gwine kyar it right thraight and thow it 
 to your daddy.' " 
 
 The next morning while my friend and Mr. Penrose 
 were out inspecting the glass-works and the market, I 
 repaired alone to the cathedral. Fitly named, in this 
 central place of battle and blood, was that temple to 
 Bellona which was standing here on the day of Constan- 
 tine's ascension to empire. On the very spot, after other 
 alternations, the Northumbrians erected a Christian 
 Church, when they had accepted the faith which Au- 
 gustine had introduced into Kent. Four centuries later 
 began the erection of the work which two centuries yet 
 later ended in the completion of the great Minster. Su- 
 perior to what I had anticipated was the exterior view — 
 the lofty, square-topped towers in the west ; the pointed 
 arches and the marigold windows in the south ; the yet 
 more magnificent window of the east ; the Five Sisters 
 of the north, and the great Lantern Tower lifted high 
 above all. But within ! Not St. Paul's, not Westmin- 
 
TWO GEAY TOUKISTS. 145 
 
 ster Abbey seemed to me so fitting for the worship of 
 the Creator, and so accustomed to His presence as this 
 whose nave, and aisles, and transepts, and choir, so vary- 
 ing in architectural excellence, yet so harmonious, told 
 of a long history, and seemed so typical of the varying 
 religious faith of this ever earnest people. To enter by 
 the west end, stand in the central door, and look down 
 that nave, one's vision extending beyond the organ into 
 the choir into which the mellowed light descends from 
 the great east window, and then slowly tread beneath 
 those solemn arches, and amid the aisles and transepts, 
 and look upon the tombs therein, and in Lady Chapel, of 
 archbishops and earls, divines and scholars, of Hatfield 
 and Wentworth, Medley and Saville, these are such as to 
 impress one's mind with as solemn awe, I believe, as 
 would be felt in any temple on earth. As I was about to 
 come forth by the door through which I had entered, the 
 great organ began to sound for a special morning ser- 
 vice. Never before did that instrument seem to me so 
 fit for making the music of worship and thanksgiving. 
 But the hour for our departure was drawing nigh, and I 
 hastened back to the hotel. 
 
 Quite a friendly acquaintance had grown up between 
 Jim and Mr. Penrose, and on departing from the Black 
 Swan we had sensations akin to those with which we 
 had left the Red Horse at Stratford. After we were 
 fairly off for Edinburgh, he, as usual, began with the 
 dutiful task of speaking of our late entertainers with the 
 grateful praise which it was ever his delight to bestow 
 upon whomsoever had treated him with kindness. 
 
 " Phil," said he, " do you believe in lotteries, as they 
 call 'em, in people's marrying?" 
 
 " Why, what put so grave a question in your head this 
 fine m rning ? " I returned. 3.3 
 
146 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 " Because I just happened to be thinking about it. I 
 have thought a great deal, and somehow I never 
 have been able to make up my mind about it. It's a 
 question that people may argue about all their lives and 
 never settle. Now there's Mr. Penrose and his sister, 
 neither one of 'em married. And yet I never saw two 
 apparently better contented people in my life; and if 
 they don't know how to keep a hotel it is'nt worth while 
 for anybody else to try. What a good husband and wife 
 they would have made — that is, to all appearances. But 
 there's the point, you see. We can't tell about such 
 things. Maybe it was'nt their lot to marry, and maybe 
 they would'nt have done as well as they've done single. 
 For many a man, there's no doubt about that, and woman, 
 too, makes a poor out of it in marrying. Still, nine 
 out of ten can't be satisfied until they do marry, and, 
 as a general thing, that's what makes old bachelors and 
 old maids so crusty. They go on the idea, or they think 
 other people do, that they have lost something that other 
 people have ; and so they get to be at last what they 
 suspect other people believe them to be. Now, this Mr. 
 Penrose and his sister seem to me to be exceptions to 
 this rule. I have an idea that they are always congrat- 
 ulating themselves that they ain't married, and that 
 they don't have the troubles of married people generally. 
 But here's another thing that I've noticed, Phil. When 
 this thing of not marrying runs in the family, it don't 
 serve people as it does when only one stays single. It's 
 especially the case when a brother and sister keep single 
 and live together. Such a couple, generally, are quiet, 
 good-natured, kind-hearted people. Marrying certainly 
 makes some people better than they would have been 
 without it; but then it makes others worse. Then 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 147 
 
 again some couples get together in such strange 
 ways; and then some fall in love at first sight, just like 
 I did with Emily. And then you know the Almighty 
 instituted marriage ; and as for Adam, Eve was made 
 expressly for Mm, and he had to take her because, my 
 gracious, she was all there was. That was the first case, 
 and after that, why not a lottery, or a special providence 
 for the rest of us ? But then, on the other hand — oh, 
 pshaw ! when I get on that subject my mind always gets 
 confused. Oh, you may laugh, but you don't know any 
 more about it than I do." 
 
 "I do not. But I suppose you mean, by what 
 you say of Mr. and Miss Penrose, that if there was a 
 lottery, they never went to the drawing, or they drew 
 blanks." 
 
 " Blamed if I know exactly what I did mean, except 
 that they are two mighty clever people, and know how 
 to keep a hotel." 
 
 " You know somebody that drew a prize." 
 
 " That I do ; and I never knew half the worth of her 
 till I've come so far from her." 
 
 How lovely was that morning. Though we rushed 
 along with the speed of the hurricane (for we made no 
 stop until we reached Newcastle-upon-Tyne, eighty-six 
 miles distant), yet the sweet prospects along the Ouse, 
 and afterwards, the Cod-Beck and the Wistol, were so 
 abundant, that we had no time to regret the instanta- 
 neous passing of any one among them. On and on, to 
 Northallerton ; we had scarce time to think of Standard 
 Hill, where the battle of the Standard was fought, 
 before we reached the Tees, and our thoughts wandered 
 up its banks to Barnard Castle, and the days of Baliol. 
 
 "And now," said Jim, " I see from the map thai? ~e 
 
148 TWO GRAY TOtlltiSTS. 
 
 are in Durham, and sure enough, here's the short- 
 horned cattle. I've read that they come from Tees- 
 water. This is one of the great coal counties in Eng- 
 land, too. Did you know that ? " 
 
 "No." 
 
 "So I supposed; I bet if there's any old cathedral 
 anywhere about you know of that." 
 
 "I supposed everybody knew of the Cathedral of 
 Durham. This is one of the richest sees in England." 
 
 " I hope those old Romans never got up this far." 
 
 "But they did. Here was some of their hardest 
 fighting, first in subduing the Brigantines, and after- 
 wards in keeping off the Scots and Picts. I wish we 
 could stop for a little while at Durham town. The 
 cathedral is one of the best specimens of Norman archi- 
 tecture. Besides, I should like to see the shrines of 
 St. Cuthbert and Bede the historian." 
 
 " Bede ! I never heard of a historian of that name." 
 
 " He wrote eight hundred years ago, and in Latin." 
 
 " Well, I never expect to read, the works of Mr. Bede, 
 if you'll allow a rhyme." 
 
 We were soon at the Wear, and, flying along its lovely 
 banks, noticed how it encircled the ancient town. We 
 got only a brief look at the cathedral, and the castle on 
 the lofty, immense rock, surrounded by gardens and 
 plantations, when we were out of sight again, and in a 
 few minutes, the speed slackened, and passing slowly 
 through Gateshead and over the Tyne, halted at New- 
 castle. 
 
 "A live town, sure. I noticed some old walls still 
 standing as we came in, but none to hurt." 
 
 "This place was the Pons Aelii of the Emperor 
 Hadrian, and those walls were built by Severus. Long 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 149 
 
 afterwards, it was noted for its monasteries, and was 
 called Monkchester. Pilgrims in great crowds used to 
 congregate at The Holy Well of Jesus. One of the sons 
 of William the Conqueror built a castle here, and from 
 that the town took its present name." 
 
 "No cathedral?" 
 
 " No ; but the Church of St. Nicholas is next to one." 
 
 " Those old fellows never dreamed of the coal that 
 was under the ground here, nor what it was to do for 
 the world. Ah ! Yonder' s the German Ocean. Some 
 distance from home, old fellow, let's brace up a little." 
 
 He took down the lunch-basket, and opened a bottle, 
 and soliloquized thus, in audible tones, as he made 
 things ready: 
 
 " I've found that when a fellow is travelling a long 
 way from home, and with rather an oldish person, one 
 of the best things to have against home- sickness is a 
 good appetite, that is, provided, of course, a fellow can 
 get something good to eat and to drink at the same 
 time. Next to a good appetite and the et ceteras, of 
 course, is young, pleasant company, if a fellow could 
 get it ; but, of course, it is the part of prudence to put 
 up with what company a fellow does have, if it's the 
 best he can get, and make the most of it. If a fellow 
 could once get out of the region of old walls, and cas- 
 tles, and graveyards, some people might not appear to 
 be quite so old. I am thankful to see, though, that they 
 take kindly to beer, and that it seems — " 
 
 "Morpeth!" 
 
 "Morpeth? I've heard of that. That's it, is it? 
 Was'nt there a Lord Morpeth ? " 
 
 "Oh, yes. Morpeth gives the title to the Howard 
 family, as the whole county Northumberland gives that 
 to the Fercies." 13 * 
 
150 TWO OKAY TOURISTS. 
 
 Crossing the Lyhe, the Cogent, and the Aln, the 
 scenery grew rapidly more picturesque as we approached 
 nearer and nearer the German Ocean, until we were 
 upon its very shores. The ground to our left, though 
 yet in faultless green, rose higher and higher until it 
 culminated in the Cheviot mountains. As we neared 
 l>erwick-on-Tweed, 1 looked over the waters towards 
 Lindisfarn, and my memory again called the saintly 
 Cuthbert, and the sweet influences that the lives of him 
 and his brethren of the Holy Island had wrought upon 
 the fierce inhabitants of that mountain region. Cross- 
 ing the Tweed, we were now in Scotland. Through 
 Berwick and Haddington, getting only a glimpse of 
 Dunbar House as we sped through Dunbar. The rich- 
 est, loveliest, plain we had seen was that which extended 
 from the foot of the Laniniermoor Hills in the south, 
 and further on, from the More foots in East Lothian to 
 the Firth of Forth. We had not ceased talking about 
 the battle of 1 'res ton Tans, begun by our passing over 
 that famous field, when, looking out to the left we saw 
 Arthur's Seat looming up, and shortly afterwards were 
 in Edinburgh. 
 
CHAPTER XIII, 
 
 T eight o'clock P. M. we had enough daylight 
 left in that high latitude to make some obser- 
 vations in the afternoon. We sallied out, there- 
 fore, for a walk in the New Town, which this 
 street (Prince, on which, at McGregor's Hotel, we were 
 quartered), formerly a deep gulch, separates from the 
 old. We traversed alternately from end to end Prince's, 
 George's, and Queen streets, lingering severally at the 
 site of the Ambrose Tavern in Register street, St. An- 
 drew's Square, and the late residences of Brougham, 
 Scott, Hume, Jeffrey, Cockburn, and at Charlotte Square, 
 Moray Place and others. That night, while I spent an 
 hour or two in reading up on the foretimes of Edin- 
 burgh, Jim, who had made acquaintance with the land- 
 lord, was engaged in getting an acquaintance with its 
 present conditions. I had taken a fresh interest in the 
 old Scottish kings — the pious David, founder of Melrose, 
 Kelso, Dryburgh, and Holyrood — the Holy Rood, so 
 eventful in its fortunes, all along from the time of 
 its importation by Queen Margaret; and Neville's Cross 
 and its enshrining in Durham Cathedral. I had wan- 
 dered along to King James IV, and mingled with the 
 throng in that splendid pageant, when another Margaret, 
 daughter of the first of the Tudors, was led by the gal- 
 lant Surrey and Archbishop of York to espouse the Scot- 
 
 (151) 
 
152 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 tish king. The royal husband, in the fullness of con- 
 jugal happiness and princely power, could not foresee 
 that this same Surrey would afterwards lead an army to 
 Flodden Field, where Scotland's spear would be shat- 
 tered, and broken her shield. Then I thought of Magda- 
 len of France, who came to preside in that same palace 
 (named from the abbey, Holyrood), and a month after- 
 wards was laid in the abbey tomb, when Mary of Guise 
 was chosen to take her place. Lastly, I mused of the 
 daughter of this second marriage, Mary of Scots, so 
 beautiful, so imprudent, so unfortunate, with whom 
 passed away the glory of Holyrood. 
 
 In the midst of these musings Jim came up, and said 
 that he would bet "'arf a crown " that I did'nt know what 
 was the principal and most money-making business in 
 the present burg. I gave it up. 
 
 "Ale. A-l-e ale — beer. Yes, sir. They do a consid- 
 erable business here in shawls, and in the book and type 
 foundry trades. But the big business is ale-brewing. 
 This is a great barley country, you know. Not that the 
 people drink the ale themselves, for they drink whiskey 
 instead ; but the barley, what is not fed to horses and 
 poor folks, is made into ale and sold in England and 
 other countries. " 
 
 This announcement served to divert my thoughts from 
 the pathway in which they had been traveling, and soon 
 afterwards my friend and I went in search of sleep 
 and found it. After early breakfast we took a carriage 
 and drove into old town, High street, Netherbow, and 
 Canongate, passing slowly along, through Morocco Land, 
 full of romantic traditions, St. Anne's Yards, the Debtors' 
 Sanctuary, made so widely known by the Chronicles of 
 the Canongate, Queen Mary's Garden, near where Rizzio 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 153 
 
 dwelt, then over the ruins of the ancient abbey to Holy- 
 rood Palace. 
 
 The satisfaction on entering this renowned structure 
 was subdued by the melancholy of contrasting its pres- 
 ent humbled condition with the splendid adornments of 
 old times. The ruins of the abbey, the disappearance of 
 the gardens and parks, the poverty of whatever relics of 
 art are yet preserved, the smallness of the chambers, that 
 poor, ruined bed, with its faded, ragged coverings, all 
 hindered us from wishing to linger among them. 
 
 "Where's the blood of that fellow Kizzio?" asked 
 Jim of the guide, in a subdued, respectful whisper. 
 Stooping down, he looked closely and thoughtfully at 
 the stain upon the floor, and rising, whispered again 
 to me: 
 
 "No business being so thick. It's always dangerous; 
 though I always believed she was innocent of the worst 
 they accused her of." 
 
 Emerging, we visited St. Giles' Cathedral, famous for 
 John Knox and the Covenanters, paused for a moment at 
 the figure of a heart made in the pavement where once 
 stood the great prison — the Heart of Midlothian, thence 
 to the Grass market, thence making a short visit to the 
 hill and the castle, and after viewing these for a few 
 moments, and looking over that almost inimitable pros- 
 pect of the Salisbury Crags, Pentlands and Hills of Fife, 
 descended and took the train for Stirling. Fertile in 
 abundance are the level fields of Edinburgh and Lin- 
 lithgow. As we emerged from the region of the Lothians 
 and the Firth of Forth, the land rose in undulations, 
 increasing in height and depth as we neared Stirling. 
 Jim pretended to be not much interested in the talk I 
 had of the ancient struggles of the Scots on one hand 
 
154 TWO GRAY TOURISTS 
 
 with their alternate enemies over the border — the Bri- 
 (6ns, and Romans, and Saxons, until the cession of the 
 Lothians to the former in the time of Malcolm II ; so 
 about the wall of Antoninus at Falkirk. But he bright- 
 ened up at the stories of Wallace, Edward I, and 
 Charles Edward. What took him more than these, how- 
 ever, was what he had found out about the great Oarron 
 Iron Works, near the Trysts, and the cattle-fairs that are 
 held here. 
 
 "Three hundred thousand head of cattle a year, sir; 
 not men to be butchered, by gracious, but cattle. Old 
 walls in this country moved away, spears turned into 
 plow-shares, and swords into pruning-hooks. More good 
 is done here in one year by these cattle shows than all 
 the wars of all the times of all the Eomans and all the 
 Saxons and all the rest of 'em, by George." 
 
 " Still, Jim, it is interesting to know the places where 
 these famous wars occurred ; they are parts of the his- 
 tory of the world, and we must study that as we go." 
 
 " Oh, yes, certainly, certainly. I'm merely making 
 remarks, and — comments, so to speak — on the history 
 lessons, just to make 'em more interesting. Go ahead, 
 you old schoomaster: fetch out the big names. And, by 
 gracious, they are getting bigger, I notice, and harder 
 to call as Ave get higher up among these hills, these 
 Linlithgows and such; and I see from the map that 
 they are going to get longer as we go on. But go ahead, 
 I like to hear you tell about it all. I want Emily to 
 know that I've seen everything on the route that was 
 worth seeing. That's what she cautioned me not to fail 
 to do. She said I was to take in all I could of what you 
 told of the history part of the trip. I shall tell her that 
 I've seen all the old Roman walls, and where all the old 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 155 
 
 battles were fought, and the heads cut off and hung up, 
 and where all the old kings and queens were born, and 
 lived, and kept in jail, and wrote poetry, and their lovers 
 got stabbed and left their blood on the floor, and the 
 whole conflutement of 'em. I want you, before we part, 
 Phil, to give me a list of all of 'em, so I can study 'em 
 up and get 'em at my tongue's end, and, when I get 
 home, I can rattle 'em off and make Emily proud, and 
 the other women in the neighborhood jealous. Go ahead ; 
 what old Roman was it that built the dirt wall along 
 here? Old Antony?" 
 
 "Antoninus, you wretch, Antoninus." 
 
 "All the same, or nigh enough for my use. And so 
 Queen Mary used to come out this way and spend some 
 of her time at Linlithgow, crossing the Almond Vale, 
 Queensferry and on by Barnbough Castle. Here's to 
 all of 'em. I don't like this Scotch ale as well as the 
 English. It's too frothy, and fussy, and fiery. Still 
 here's to old An-tonicus, and may nobody else ever have 
 to build another such wall along here nor any other 
 decent and respectable country; and may the Scotch 
 and English have plenty of cattle instead of men to 
 butcher, and may they both treat old Ireland right, and 
 all live in peace and harmony together." 
 
 "An extensive and varied toast. I join, however, 
 with all my heart ; db imo pectore, Jim, you know." 
 
 " Certainly, that's what I'm after." 
 
 "And now, for Sir Walter's sake, especially, we must 
 study well the ground from this to Glasgow, for it is all 
 classic." 
 
 "All right." 
 
 After leaving Falkirk, the country, interesting from 
 its varied scenery, became intensely so henceforth from 
 
156 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 its historic and romantic associations. From our window 
 we looked out upon the Lennox Hills, from which the 
 Carron water descended and flowed across our path. 
 Not far off were Airth Castle and Dunmore Park, and 
 Tonwood Forest, at one time the hiding-place of Wal- 
 lace, at another, the scene of the excommunication of 
 Donald Cargill, the fierce Covenanter. Soon we were 
 at Bannockburn, seeing to the right, on Abbey Craig, 
 the monument of the patriot, and, on the left, the Bare 
 Stone of Bruce and Gillie's Hill, where the camp-follow- 
 ers struck terror to the English army, and gave victory 
 to the Scots. Even from our windows we could see how 
 the gathering hills on either side of the Forth made 
 narrow the pass from the Lowlands to the Highlands, 
 showing how Stirling must have been, of old, a fortified 
 position. 
 
 Arrived at the station and taking a carriage, the toil- 
 ing horse drew us up the long acclivity to the castle. 
 In singular contrast with the narrow streets and squalid 
 tenements of the old were the fine promenades and 
 groups of villas of the new town. Alighting from the 
 carriage, and passing over the esplanade and the draw- 
 bridge, we entered the castle beneath the gateway from 
 which the portcullis hung threateningly over our heads. 
 Most interesting to us both were those places which the 
 poet had specially celebrated; the chamber wherein 
 Ellen Douglass rested when she came to plead the cause 
 of her exiled father; that wherein Rhoderick Dhu 
 breathed out his life, while Allan Bane sang the battle 
 in which Clan Alpine's honored pine was laid low ; the 
 great hall, now occupied by the Highland regiments in 
 barracks, wherein the blushing maid discovered in her 
 bold suitor the King of Scots. My dear old Jim 
 
TWO GKAY TOURISTS. 157 
 
 declared that he was enchanted — "is that how you call 
 it" — by the sight of these places. He was even glad 
 that these old walls had been preserved, as well to 
 guard the places where such thrilling events had occurred, 
 as for the prospect they gave below us of the winding 
 Forth, the fair vale of Menteith stretching miles and 
 miles northwest along the Teith, Cambus Kenneth Abbey 
 and Bannockburn on which was yet marked the spot 
 where the banner of the Bruce was triumphant. Above 
 and beyond were Tinto (the Hill of Fire), Arthur's 
 Seat, the Lennox, Ochil, and, yet further, the blue out- 
 lines of the Grampians. "I don't wonder," he said, 
 "that they fought so long to determine which should 
 have such a country, and that they had to compromise 
 at last. Look down yonder at those wheatfields. They 
 look so peaceful that a fellow could hardly believe so 
 many battles have been fought upon 'em." 
 
 At this moment we heard the bag-pipes, and turning 
 around saw a squad of Highlanders moving to their 
 music. 
 
 "I tell you what," said Jim, "don't those tall fellows 
 step it right with their gowns and bare legs ? And 
 that's the bag-pipe. Poorer music, I would indeed 
 seldom. I could do as well with a split goose- quill, or a 
 pumpkin-vine." 
 
 On the return, we drove about the town, taking hasty 
 views of the Military Hospital (once Argyle House), 
 Cowane's Hospital, and Grayfriar's Church, in which 
 James VI was crowned. Taking another train at the 
 station, after passing the Brig of Allan, we soon were at 
 Dunblane, not valued by us for once having been an 
 episcopal city, or for giving the title of viscount to the 
 Osbornes, as for the little Jessie, it's famous "Flower." 
 
 14 
 
158 TWO GRAY TOUEISTS. 
 
 While the main railway stem proceeded to Perth, we 
 diverged, and coursing down the Teith, came to Donne 
 Town, and even here we thought less of the baronial 
 castle of the Earls of Menteith and the visits of Mary 
 to the Earl of Moray, than the first of that long line 
 which made its author the greatest of the romancers. 
 We would have checked, if possible, the rushing train 
 in order to view more leisurely this region. Thanks to 
 the Buchanans, their love for Walter Scott, and his love 
 for them. It was here, at Cambus More, he learned 
 these mountains, and meads, and lochs, in the midst of 
 which he dreamed that sweetest of poet's dreams. 
 Across here fled the stag when, startled in Glenartney, 
 rushing along Benvoirlich and Uamvar, and despairing 
 to reach Lochard or Aberfoyle, he turned and made for 
 
 " The copse wood grey 
 That waved and wept on Loch Acray, 
 And mingled with the pine trees blue 
 On the bold cliffs of Ben venue." 
 
 Jim had had special admonitions from his wife and 
 daughters about seeing all he could of this particular 
 region, if we should pass over it. He had read over 
 again, while in London, The Lady of the Lake, and now 
 he studied the map and the poem carefully. 
 
 "It won't do, Phil, for me to be nonplussed 
 about that when I get back. I'm going to get all 
 that by heart, and make it my trump-card. But I 
 should say that that was a slow way of coming at a 
 deer. If I had been in that hunt, I should have stood 
 for him. I don't believe in this way of breaking down 
 horses as well as dogs just for one deer, and, by gracious, 
 not get him at that." 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 159 
 
 "Ah, my old Jim, yon would have been after the meat. 
 That royal hunter and his gallant followers were for the 
 sport, enhanced by the risk, the toil, and the adventure. 
 Besides, in those days, game was allowed a chance for 
 its life, instead, as in these degenerate times, of being 
 waylaid and shot in ambush." 
 
 "Umph! That all sounds well enough in a love 
 story. But in those days you talk about, they might 
 give a chance to game, but they clid'nt give much to 
 folks. They did'nt stick at hiding behind a tree to 
 shoot at folks. However, I'm going to see 'em through. 
 It was a good long old race, I should say, judging from 
 the map, and to let him get away at that. About the 
 most sensible thing that Fitz James did, it seems to me, 
 was when he acknowledged to his grey horse that he 
 had paid too dear for his fun. But like many another 
 acknowledgment in this world, it was too late to do any 
 good." 
 
 I was on the point of remonstrating with him 
 for holding and giving utterance to such common- 
 place views of this masterpiece of romantic poetry, 
 when the cars suddenly slackened their speed, and we 
 drove into Callander, where, in a few minutes, we were 
 seated before the door of the Dreadnought Hotel, 
 and looking upon the Teith that flowed rapidly by. After 
 supper, while we were starting on a stroll, we heard 
 lively songs, which seemed to proceed from the rear part 
 of our hotel. 
 
 " That sounds like old Georgia, Phil. They are labor- 
 ers from the country, who have come to town to spend 
 their holiday to-morrow, and are drinking whiskey in 
 the kitchen. It's the first whiskey music I've heard 
 since I left home." 
 
160 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 The boys were having a good time. We approached 
 near the room where they were feasting, situated on the 
 street crossing that on which the hotel fronted. Jim 
 listened attentively. After some time, he turned and 
 said: 
 
 "It sounds right, but I can't understand one blessed 
 word they say. That isn't English. I never heard such 
 a language." 
 
 " It is Gaelic," said I. 
 
 The party broke up after finishing their supper, and 
 came out upon the street. As soon as Jim ascertained 
 that they could speak English, he began to make ac- 
 quaintance with them, and by a timely contribution for 
 their next day's dinner induced them to talk about their 
 work, and translate several expressions from one to the 
 other language. 
 
 " Well, that's a language that I did'nt know was yet 
 in the world. That language, Gaelic, as you call it, 
 seems to be that of the poor people in their talk with 
 one another. The learned folks, they tell me, don't 
 speak it, and don't know it." 
 
 " With some exceptions, that is true. The Gaelic is 
 the native language of the Highlanders, and they have 
 not yet given it up. This seems to be the last liberty 
 that the vanquished will part from. These people would 
 feel that they were unfaithful to the memory of their 
 forefathers if they were to do so. They learn the lan- 
 guage of their conquerors; but in their domestic and 
 social relations, they adhere to their hereditary tongue." 
 
 " I don't blame 'em ; I like 'em the better for it. I 
 believe in a people being true to their own folks. It's 
 awfully outlandish, but it sounds pretty and affectionate 
 like. That's right, boys," he said, turning again to the 
 
TWO GRAY TOUBISTS. 161 
 
 laborers, " hang on to the language that your mammies 
 talked and sung to you when they were suckling and 
 rocking you to sleep. And now let's all go in and take 
 one more drink and then break up." 
 
 Hauling me along, he went into the kitchen, followed 
 by a dozen or fifteen of the Highlanders, and ordered a 
 bumper. 
 
 " Here's to your ancestors and forefathers, your fathers 
 and mothers, your wives and children, uncles, aunts and 
 cousins — Scotch, English, and Irish. Go ahead, boys, 
 work hard, be honest, and hang on to your native tongue 
 as long as you've got tongues to hang by, and let's all of 
 us try to mind our own business and let other people's 
 alone." 
 
 The very rafters shook with the applause which this 
 sentiment evoked. 
 
 " Now, give me one more song, and then I shall have 
 to leave you and put this old gentleman to bed. He's a 
 good man, you see, and powerful high-learned and smart, 
 but— feeble." 
 
 They applauded again, and at once broke out into a 
 mountain song. When it was over, Jim said : 
 
 " Good, very good. I didn't know what it was about, 
 but it sounded much like our Georgia corn-song : 
 
 Ando, And-a-a-a 
 Turn de wagon over-er-er, 
 Ando, And-a-a-a 
 Turn de wagon over. 
 
 Now good-bye, boys; may yon always have plenty of 
 work to do, and get well paid for doing it." 
 
 We shook hands with each one. and then leaving them 
 retired to our chamber. 
 
 14* 
 
162 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 The next morning, after breakfast, we were on one of 
 the great open-topped coaches for Loch Katrine. Just 
 before we would have reached St. Bride's we turned sud- 
 denly to the left and travelled up the vales of Venna- 
 choir and Loch Acray, having to our left Carchowzie 
 Woods and Bochastle Eidge. 
 
 " I see they've got a bridge over it now," Jim remarked, 
 pointing to Coilintogle Ford. Those two fellows, Fitz 
 James and Rhoderic Dhu, had pluck to go to fighting 
 there with nobody to part 'em." 
 
 On and on, by Lanric Mead, Duncraggon, the Brigg 
 of Turk, and the margin of Achray. Passing Grlenfinlas, 
 Ben An rose in rivalry to Ben Ledi, the Trossachs 
 bristled before us, and Benvenue loomed to the left 
 across Loch Katrine. 
 
 " What ! " said Jim to the coachman, who, in answer 
 to the question, what was the name of the Trossachs 
 hotel, as we halted to take in a passenger. 
 
 "Ardcheanachrochan." 
 
 "I give it up. Phil, you must put those names down 
 in my blank book, with some sort of pronunciation to 
 the right of 'em. For the present, give me another name 
 for this place." 
 
 " Well, what do you say to The High End of the Rocks? 
 for that is what it means." 
 
 "I thought it must mean something. But if their 
 idea was to give it a nick-name for short they missed it. 
 Now Ben, I can reconcile, and by the way, they name a 
 many a thing here Ben ; but I know plenty of Bens in 
 Georgia. Right along here somewhere Fitz James lost 
 his horse, it seems. None but them that could afford to 
 lose horses would ever think of hunting with 'em in 
 such places as these. Read what Scott said when he got 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 1G3 
 
 on the top and took his view of the country around." 
 Here it is, said I : 
 
 "And now to issue from the glen, 
 No pathway meets the wanderer's ken, 
 Unless he climb, with footing nice, 
 A far projecting precipice. 
 The broom's tough roots It's ladder made, 
 The hazel saplings lent their aid ; 
 And thus an airy point he won, 
 Where, gleaming with the setting sun, 
 One burnished sheet of living gold 
 Loch Katrine lay beneath him rolled, 
 In all her length far winding lay, 
 With promontory, creek and bay, 
 And islands that empurpled bright, 
 Floated amid the livelier light, 
 And mountains, that like giants stand, 
 To sentinel enchanted land. 
 High on the south, huge Benvenue 
 Down on the lake in masses threw 
 Crags, knolls, and mounds confusedly hurled, 
 The fragments of an earlier world ; 
 A wildering forest feathered o'er, 
 His ruined sides and summit hoar, 
 While on the north, through middle air, 
 Ben An heaved high his forehead bare." 
 
 Jim frankly admitted that he could not have expressed 
 it better, though he certainly would have used fewer 
 words. 
 
 Arriving at the shore where the little steamer had 
 been some time awaiting us, we hurried on board, and 
 in a few moments were slowly encircling the island. 
 With eager eyes we marked the " aged oak " from which 
 
 "A little skiff shot to the bay," 
 
 and the Lady of the Lake peered across the pebbled 
 
104 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 shore into the dense hazel shade, from which, instead 
 of Douglass or the Graeme, emerged the royal adven- 
 turer. Passing the island, we looked upon Ben venue 
 and the birch-covered Bealachnambo. The captain, 
 while drinking a cup of ale with Jim, pointed out to us 
 Coiran-Uriskin whither Ellen and Allan Bane retired 
 on the eve of the battle. 
 
 " English names, when they've got 'em, captain, if 
 you please. It is'nt worth while for me even to try to 
 remember the Scotch ones except these Bens." 
 
 The captain smiled, and anglicizing Bealachnambo 
 into Cattle Pass, and Coiran-Uriskin into Goblin's 
 Cave, did the like with others as we passed along. 
 
 "Yonder, you see, Phil, at that hole in the ground, 
 begins the aqueduct that carries the water from this 
 lake to. Glasgow. Well, I envise no man (as Gabe Nash 
 says) who has to drink town-water, but if I had it to do, 
 this is as clean and nice as I should ever expect to get." 
 
 Landing at Stronachlacker, and taking another coach 
 for Inversnaid, the four milk white horses rushed at 
 full speed along the declivities and levels of the way, 
 giving us little chance to notice the bracken on the 
 mountain side to our right, and the marsh shrubbery 
 to our left on the tarn extending southward to Loch 
 Arklet. Peyond this we could see Ben Lomond the 
 loftiest of all beginning the long line of the Grampians. 
 Suddenly a shower came down white and soft like snow 
 upon us. The coachman did not even lift the leather 
 covering from the boot, and laughed at Jim and me as 
 we crouched under our umbrellas, which we could 
 scarcely hold as we dashed along. 
 
 " I don't see the fun," said Jim, " what is it ? " 
 
 " Kiverrhing feerrom a mist," he answered, laughing 
 more and more. 
 
TWO ftllAY TOURISTS. 165 
 
 "A mist? I cull ifc a rain." 
 
 "Na. Only a mist." 
 
 "But it'll make wet, for it's already got through my 
 umbrella and shawl. Ain't you getting wet ? " 
 
 "Na, na. The mist dinna wet the Scotch." 
 
 " I should say you had tolerable thick hides then. If 
 you call this a mist, I should'nt like being out travelling 
 in one of your rains." 
 
 At Inversnaid, besides a good dinner, Jim on the plea 
 of having wet knees and shoulders tried the Scotch 
 whiskey. But how anybody could like that smoky stuff 
 except occasionally as punch of a cold rainy night, he 
 could'nt see. He merely took it now as a brace against 
 the mist. 
 
 The scenery on Lochlomond was even finer than that 
 in Loch Katrine. 
 
 " Fact," said Jim, " I don't like to give it up, but it's 
 so. Along here was Rob Roy's country. He was an- 
 other rusher, like Rhoderick Dhu." 
 
 "Yes; just a little behind us up the lake was Craig- 
 royston, Rob-Roy's Cove, and — " 
 
 " Look here, Phil, don't you be coming over me with 
 them Scotch names. It's enough for these people to do 
 that. They come natural to their throats. I say throats; 
 for there's where they start from, and they get out of 
 their mouths the best way they can. It's enough to 
 give a fellow the asthma to try to pronounce 'em. I 
 think a little spell of asthma would do good in this 
 case. Rob-Roy's Cove, you say ? " 
 
 " Yes ; there is where he held councils with his fol- 
 lowers ; it was in the country of the Macfarlane clan." 
 
 " Clans, indeed ! they were what ruined this country." 
 
 "No doubt their feuds contributed most to the 
 
166 TWO CRAY TOURISTS 
 
 destruction of the separate existence of Scotland. We 
 are now in the midst of scenes where many of the most. 
 murderous battles were had. It is sad to know that 
 snch a lovely region as that around these lochs was ever 
 occupied by a bloody-minded people. Glen Einlas, 
 Glen Artney, Glen Eruin, Glen Lnss: no tongue and no 
 pen can properly describe their matchless beauty, even 
 as they appear to the traveller while passing along their 
 borders, and noticing how they make their windings 
 among the mountains. One is always confounded to 
 know how those clans, the Stuarts, MacGregors, Calquo- 
 houns, Macfarlanes, so brave, so hardy, and (within 
 their limited spheres) so patriotic, should not have 
 striven, if they must have been rivals at all, to make 
 their own first among equals in a confederacy of States 
 that would have been unconquerable. What a sequel to 
 the history of Greece! But it is a fact, however un- 
 natural, that the deadliest feuds ahvays obtain among 
 those, whether clans or families, whose welfare and 
 happiness mostly depend upon peace and fraternity. 
 We ought to have taken at least one more day, Jim, for 
 this tour. Yonder is Kowardennan where tourists begin 
 the ascent of Ben Lomond. To say nothing of the moun- 
 tains, we should have taken time at least to linger awhile 
 among these lovely islands." 
 
 " We would'nt remember the name of a single one of 
 'em; at least I would'nt except the first syllable, though 
 there's a big family of 'em ; these Bens I know pretty 
 well, but I can't go the Inches, as they call their islands. 
 Let me hear you call a few of 'em." 
 
 " Easily enough. There's Inchlonaig, the Deer park 
 of Sir James Colquhoun." 
 
 " Go ahead." 
 
TWO (lit AY TOl UI.-7S. 107 
 
 " Inchconachan, Inchtaranach, Inchgalbraith, Inch- 
 cruin, Inchcalleoch, Inch " 
 
 "That'll do. You need'nt go any further. You've 
 hawked your throat, and made mouths to no purpose. 
 You did'nt get one of 'em right ; nowhere in the neigh- 
 borhood of being right one single time. I looked and 
 listened both to one of those Scotch fellows a few minutes 
 ago when he was calling 'em over for me, and he looked 
 like another person altogether when he got his mouth 
 and face screwed up ready to start. You did'nt begin 
 right, Phil, and the longer you kept at it, the further 
 off you got. The spelling of 'em has nothing to do 
 with the pronouncing of 'em ; not a blessed thing. Yes, 
 they are mighty pretty, the prettiest country I ever saw, 
 if they'd give names that a body could call and remem- 
 ber." 
 
 From right to left, from left to right, in constant 
 alternation, we walked in order to see as much as possi- 
 ble of noted places, Balmaha, Rossdhu, Buchanan 
 House, Glenfruin, Arden, Bilvetero, Cameron and others. 
 It was almost with pain we saw the boat come to land. 
 Taking the train at Balloch, a few minutes travel down 
 the banks of the Leven, brought us to Dunbarton, the 
 ancient Alcmyd, " Rock High on the Clyde." 
 
 " Dunbarton ? Is'nt that the place they took Mary, 
 Queen of Scots, from when she was a child and carried 
 her to France ? " 
 
 " The same. This old castle (how lofty and strong it 
 looks !) is full of historic recollections — Roman, Briton, 
 Pict, Saxon and Norman." 
 
 Not long afterwards we passed through Bowling and 
 Kilpatrick, where, in spite of himself, Jim had to notice 
 more of the remains of old Ant'ny's wall, as he called it, 
 
168 TWO GRAY TOtTRISTS. 
 
 and moving into Glasgow went to the Queen's Hotel 
 Having only the rest of that afternoon at our disposal, 
 we took a drive through the Irongafce, Queen and 
 Buchanan Streets to Kelvin Grove and the university. 
 In spite of the general unpicturesqueness of the town, 
 compared with Edinburgh, we were most agreeably 
 impressed by the many superb edifices, public and 
 private. 
 
 " The business, the business that's done in this town," 
 said Jim that night, after reading an hour or two of its 
 operations and resources, "cotton, iron, ship-building, 
 medicines, etc., etc. There's one thing here, however, 
 which I expected to see, from the looks of the place : it's 
 very unhealthy, especially for children. We did'nt see 
 the cathedral, Phil. That's one more, if I had thought 
 about it sooner, I should have been willing to go to." 
 
 "I know why. To see the spot where Eob Roy was 
 once." 
 
 "Exactly. But we went through the Salt Market 
 where old Nicol Jarvie lived, any how." 
 
 " The thing in the cathedral I should specially have 
 liked to see is the crypt. That, they say, is the most 
 imposing in the kingdom." 
 
 "I don't care about seeing any more of such places 
 myself. I tell you, I believe in having graveyards out 
 of doors, under the trees, and where there's air." 
 
 Next morning, after a walk around George's Square, 
 we took the train for London. As we travelled south- 
 ward, the lands in Lanark rose into hills, and in Ayr, 
 to the east and southeast, into mountains. Less fertile 
 obviously than the eastern shore, yet the crops showed a 
 thrifty population. Anything for a living, Jim pro- 
 pounded, as we passed along through the towns of Ayr,, 
 in some of which, as Mauchline and Crumnoch, the 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 169 
 
 chief manufactures were snuff boxes. He had no fancy 
 for the weed in that shape; but that was none of his 
 business ; and he did'nt care who had, especially when 
 it gives a living to so many poor people. To get that 
 out of this sort of land was an up-hill business. No 
 wonder Bob Burns, after plowing all his life, looked out 
 for a little office. "I've read a good deal about this 
 county. It's better for farming now than it was in 
 Burns' time, though no great things yet. That rich 
 man — what's his name?— the Duke of Portland. He 
 has done much for it by his extensive drainings. This 
 county has a better system of artificial draining than 
 any in the country. What mountains are those away 
 over yonder on our right ? It's a bigger country than I 
 thought. Oh, I see now by the map, they are the Hills 
 of Arran, on the other side of the Firth of Clyde." 
 
 As we passed along, I thought, and I made my com- 
 panion interested in Border Minstrelsy. Of the ballads 
 I recited, he said he liked best that of Kirhconnell 
 lee, and wished, when we were rushing by Kirkcon- 
 nell, that we had time to visit the churchyard where 
 are the graves, side by side, of Fair Helen and her lover, 
 who died on the banks of the Kirtle so long ago. 
 
 " Stop right there," he said, in the midst of my reci- 
 tation of Lord Lovel. " Need'nt think I know nothing 
 of those old fellows. Why, I can sing that one." 
 
 Then he lifted his voice high and sang the four 
 remaining stanzas : 
 
 So lie ordered the grave to be opened wide, 
 
 And the shroud be turned down, 
 And there he kissed her clay-cold lips 
 
 Till the tears came trickling down, down, down, 
 Till the tears came trickling down. 
 15 
 
170 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 Lady Nancy she died, it might be, to-day, 
 
 Lord Lovel lie died as to-morrow ; 
 Lady Nancy she died out of pure, pure grief, 
 
 Lord Lovel he died out of sorrow-orrow-orrow, 
 
 Lord Lovel he died out of sorrow. 
 
 Lady Nancy was laid in St. Pancras's Church, 
 
 Lord Lovel was laid in the choir ; 
 And out of her bosom there grew a red rose, 
 
 And out of Lord Lovel's a brier-ier-ier, 
 
 And out of Lord Lovel's a brier. 
 
 They grew and they grew, to the church-steeple top, 
 And then they could grow no higher ; 
 
 And there they entwined in a true lover's knot, 
 Eor all lovers true to admire-ire-ire, 
 For all lovers true to admire. 
 
 In Dumfries pleasing was the contrast between the 
 rugged country behind us with the gentle undulations 
 along the Nith. At Langholm, we had a glimpse of 
 Langholm Tower, once the castle of the Armstrongs, 
 now of the Dukes of Buccleugh. At Dumfries town I 
 alluded to the death of John Comyn by the hands of 
 Robert Bruce. 
 
 " Such as that is all over with here now. You see 
 little ships come up to this town to bring coal and slate, 
 iron, tallow, hemp, bones, and carry off hats, stockings, 
 leather, shoes, and even baskets." 
 
 " Well ! if that is not a coming down from thoughts 
 of claymore, and battle axe, and treading to the music 
 of bag-pipes to — tallow, and stockings, and basket- 
 making ! " 
 
 " Coming down ! thunder and lightning ! they never 
 commenced coming up in this country until they got to 
 making baskets and such things, and having something 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 171 
 
 to put in 'em. It was basket-making, as you call it, 
 that kept from dying out what few of them had'nt got 
 killed in the wars. As for those old bag-pipes, of all 
 the music in this world, not even except bell-ringing, it 
 is the poorest I noticed you, Phil, when they were 
 blowing the everlasting things at Stirling ; you looked 
 as if you were trying your best to believe the music 
 was good, but you could'nt make it out." 
 
 " Oh, I enjoyed it deeply, Jim. I was being carried 
 back to the brave old days when— ah — " 
 
 " Yes, I think it is — ah ! And as for stockings, these 
 Highlanders never wore 'em because they could'nt afford 
 to, and now, when they can, they don't, because their 
 ancestors did'nt. But considering they don't wear 
 breeches, I think stockings would come in now very 
 well to hide some of their nakedness and a heap of 
 their dirt." 
 
 Such and similar was the talk we had as we travelled 
 along, through Euthwell ; and Cummurtrus, where we 
 looked upon Kinmount House, the stately residence of 
 the Marquis of Queensbury; and through the vale of 
 Annan to Gretna Green. Jim expressed a curiosity to 
 know the probable number of runaway matches joined 
 here that had turned out well. I remarked that he was 
 a great man for statistics. "Yes," he answered, "I 
 always want to know how many. I never see a flock of 
 geese that I don't try to count 'em, or, when I can't, 
 guess at 'em. Somehow, this is a satisfaction to me. 
 Well, here we part from old Scotland. Fare you well. 
 Old lady : proud as you are of what you used to be with 
 your claymores, and battle axes, and slogans, and coro- 
 nachs, and what all, you are better off now with making 
 snuff-boxes, and stockings, and baskets, and all such as 
 
172 TWO GRAY TOUEISTS. 
 
 give your poor people a plenty to eat. Farewell, and 
 may you never go back on yourself, is the wish of yours 
 respectfully." 
 
 He waived an adieu backward as we passed the bridge. 
 
 More fertile and picturesque the country became as it 
 widened from the Solway. Passing through Carlisle, 
 while I dwelt upon King Arthur, the Round Table, 
 Adrian's Well, and the castle of William Rufus, my 
 companion talked of the dye, and prints, and leather, 
 and salmon trade of the new town. He calculated that 
 between us, Ave would get the most of what was worth 
 getting in this country, I the old and he the new. 
 
 " I'ts well you had me with you, Phil." 
 
 "No doubt about that, Jim. You've taught me 
 already more of the snuff-box and basket business than 
 I thought was possible to be in them." 
 
 "And you — if you would study more about such 
 things, you'd be a richer man, and — no, you are right, 
 and you suit me exactly, Phil. You are making me 
 notice the things which Emily and the girls told me I 
 had to see and tell 'em about. You better believe I'll 
 talk to 'em right about Ellen's Isle, and Dumbarton, 
 and the claymore, and all those old fellows. Still, I like 
 to find out, as I go along, what it is that makes the pot 
 boil." 
 
 More lovely yet the prospect from Carlisle to Penrith. 
 On the east and on the west, beyond the valleys and the 
 lower hills, were the Fells, and we could descry in the 
 w r est, towering high above all, Skiddaw. Penrith lies 
 snugly in the. vale of the Edmont and the Lowther, 
 while on the neighboring heights are Brougham and 
 Eden Halls, and Dacre Castle. Crossing the Edmont 
 into Westmoreland, gliding along between the Lowther 
 
TWO GEAY TOURISTS. 173 
 
 and the tributary waters of the Eden, we looked out 
 with continual delight upon the increasing fells and 
 mountains. 
 
 " What a people these English are, Phil. It makes no 
 difference what sort of region they live in, they are 
 going to conquer it. See, on this map, what little 
 ground is fit for cultivation. Not a tenth is plowed, 
 and not a quarter fit for pasturage. Yet, see the large 
 towns where money is made every year by the million, 
 Appleby, Orton, Kendal, Kirkby, Ambleside, Tibay, Low 
 Gill — what's his name ? Still a fellow can call 'em. 
 Out of these lakes they export fish, and from the moun- 
 tains they get granite, slate, marble, copper, and lead ; 
 and what else would you suppose ? Why, geese ; geese 
 by the hundred thousand. And now I see, we are leav- 
 ing the valley of the Lowther, and getting into that of 
 the Line, and at Kendal will enter that of the Ken, 
 which widens into the Bay of Moncambe." 
 
 Again in Lancashire. Farming and cattle raising to 
 Jim's content, and manufacturing, and everything else. 
 None of your Lancasters and Gaunts now. John of 
 Gaunt'-s castle, like that at York, holds business-offices. 
 No more fighting for Roses, old friend, but working for 
 victuals and good clothes, and houses and fat cattle, and 
 living on till it is the good Lord's time to die, instead of 
 falling down with daylight put through their bodies with 
 sword or musket-ball. We don't stop at Lancaster ; no, 
 not until we get to Preston. Priest- town, eh ? of old, 
 because of the number of priests that used to live here. 
 A solid town, he should say, from the looks, and much 
 bigger than he thought. Three hundred thousand bales 
 of cotton a year manufactured here. " I tell you what, 
 Phil, we've been pretty well through this country, 
 have'nt we ? " j5* 
 
174 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 " Rigodunnm ! " said I, closing my book. 
 
 "Rigger-what?" 
 
 " Rigodunum. That is the name of the old Roman 
 town, on the ruins of which the present one arose." 
 
 "That's another bit of history that had entirely 
 escaped my recollection. You would'nt have supposed, 
 would you, that I'd haye forgot as notorious a fact as 
 that? Ah, a treacherous memory, as old Jack Pool 
 told his brethren at Big Bethel when they reminded 
 him of his promise not to get drunk any more before 
 Christmas. Well, we'll let old Riggy depart in peace. 
 I think a little chicken and beer and Scotch bread will 
 do you good, Phil. A man that can think right along 
 here of Rigodunum shows his stomach is empty." 
 
 He opened the basket and uncorked the bottles. We 
 ate, and drank, and smoked at our leisure. The re 
 mainder of our journey to London, as we had passed 
 over most of the ground before, we spent in comparing 
 our impressions from what we had seen in our rapid 
 circuit. Jim said it made him a little homesick to turn 
 his back on old Georgia again ; but, oh ! it was such a 
 consolation to know how faithfully he was taking care 
 of his feeble old friend. 
 
 "Just so." 
 
 "Adzactly." 
 
CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 FTER much consideration as to a route for a 
 brief journey to the Continent, we concluded 
 to pass at once to Belgium, and after a visit 
 to the Rhine and Switzerland, return by Paris. 
 At the station in London, when we were about taking 
 the train for Harwich, a trifling incident occurred that 
 made known to us a system of travel of which, although 
 considerably practiced hitherto, we were ignorant. We 
 had already selected our carriage, stowed away our lug- 
 gage, and were walking up and down the platform when 
 we observed a short, brisk German, plainly dressed, 
 wearing a small leathern valise at his side, which was 
 strapped over his shoulders. He went about hurriedly 
 among the crowd, speaking occasionally first to one then 
 another, darting here and there as if in search of some- 
 thing of momentous importance. Those whom he 
 addressed would follow him implicitly to the different 
 carriages and be shoved in, while he would sing out, 
 " Dish way, dish way, you, here," and " Dare, dish 
 way !" to others to whom he was beckoning. Jim was 
 amused by his actions, and remarked that, considering 
 his size and looks, the little Dutchman seemed to have 
 a surprising amount of business; and that in fact, by 
 gracious, he believed he Avas actually shipping people. 
 A moment afterwards, the man, returning near where we 
 
 (175) 
 
176 TWO OKAY TOURISTS. 
 
 stood, and looking first upon a paper which he licit! in his 
 hand, and, then around him, suddenly darted upon Jim, 
 and Beizing him by the coat, tails, asked: 
 
 "Arrah you a Cuke?" 
 
 Jim recoiled a step in blank amazement. 
 
 "Arrah you a Cuke?" persisted the German, with 
 much earnestness. 
 
 " Well, now, my friend, you arc a good deal smaller 
 man than I am, and then I rather think you ain't in 
 your souses. I don't care about raising a fuss with you, 
 because I'm a long way from home, and you are too 
 little a scrub for me to take the trouble to learn you 
 some manners. But I recommend you to be off, and — " 
 
 "I pegs partenj I taught you was vone off te Cukes." 
 
 The rapidity with which all this transpired prevented 
 me from explaining what, 1 had just ascertained from a 
 bystander, was the man's business. 
 
 "What upon earth does the little idiot mean?" asked 
 Jim. 
 
 Seeing me smiling, the ridiculousness of his own posi- 
 tion occurred to him, and he laughed aloud. Yet he 
 continued looking inquiringly at the retreating German: 
 
 "Is the fellow a fool?" 
 
 " Not he : far from it." 
 
 "My opinion is that he is, or, at least, out of his 
 senses for once. I've travelled a good deal in my time. 
 True, I'm further from home than 1 ever was before, 
 and, maybe, am coming down in my looks more than 1 
 was thinking: but this is the first time that I was ever 
 taken for a cook." 
 
 I could not bear to laugh at him further, and handed 
 to him a circular oi' Cooh's Tourist Agency that I had 
 just gotten, in which it was to be seen that this person 
 
TWO Git AY TOUK1STS. 177 
 
 was one of that gentleman's agents, and on the eve of 
 starting with a party of travellers on his tickets ; and 
 that he had mistaken Jim for one of those whom he 
 was to conduct. 
 
 "Is that so?" said he, humbly. "Well, no; the 
 little fellow ain't a fool. If there's any fool in the case 
 — I always was too quick. I might have known — " he 
 hesitated to pay himself the compliment. 
 
 "Certainly. And yet you know, Jim, that they have 
 some cooks, or at least waiters, over here that are very 
 fine-looking men." 
 
 "Oh, get out. I owe you one, and I owe that little 
 fellow one more. Did you see how I jumped when he 
 came at me ? Blamed if I did'nt feel like I've felt 
 sometimes when a little fice snapped at my legs. A 
 little more, and I should have given him a kick, which 
 I would'nt grudge a thousand dollars that I did'nt." 
 
 Jim was delighted with what it was easy to see, the 
 agricultural advantages and industries of the county of 
 Essex, which we crossed from southwest to northeast on 
 the dividing line between the picturesque, rising, wooded 
 country on the left, and the low-lying, well-drained 
 arable land on the right. 
 
 "Just look at that wheat. I've heard of the Essex 
 wheat and the Essex calves. They raise here thousands 
 of calves and sheep for the London market. Great 
 quantities of saffron, too, and hops, caraway and such 
 This county is the principal kitchen-garden for London. 
 A big town, and a big garden. London keeps down all the 
 towns in this part of the country. This is a right nice- 
 looking little place, though; what do you call it? 
 Chelmsford? Two more rivers, I see, the Chelmer and 
 the Cann. They call every little spring branch over 
 
178 TWO GKAY TOUEISTS. 
 
 here a river. I see they put down nine for this county. 
 All of 'em together would'nt make one as big as the 
 Savannah at Augusta." 
 
 The rush for berths at Harwich was great. But Jim, 
 with his usual good management, succeeded at once in 
 making terms with the steward, and, as usual, pleaded 
 the advanced age and infirmities of his old friend. 
 
 "Pretty good capital, Phil, for us both. You keep 
 quiet. You need'nt be afraid of being taken to be too 
 much older than I am. Besides, you don't expect to 
 marry in this country, no how." 
 
 "One would suppose you did from the manner in 
 which you vaunt your youth, and propose to fight young 
 men." 
 
 " That reminds me — " and he walked away. A few 
 moments afterwards, when the steamer was under weigh, 
 I saw him and the little German sitting down together 
 on one of the benches with a bottle of beer between 
 them, tipping their glasses, smoking cigars, and chatting 
 in a lively manner. Approaching where they were, Jim 
 rose and introduced me to — ah, Mr. Snapper ? 
 
 " Schnauffer. Your fren was trought tat I call him 
 vone cuke, te cuke tat cake te beeve and te sheeken. It 
 was ver funny." 
 
 "You have quite a number of Cooks with you," I 
 answered. 
 
 "Saxteen, Americ, Scost, Inglis, Wels. Te most 
 Americ. Tay spheak not te Ooropen langidge, and it is 
 more convenabble tat I go vit tern." 
 
 He showed us his route, and one of his books of 
 tickets and coupons. It is certainly a method of trav- 
 elling convenient to those who speak no language but 
 English, and could be satisfied with the hotels to which 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 179 
 
 they are carried, the enforced companionship through- 
 out of those with whom they start together, and the 
 will of the guide as to the times of sojourning at the 
 different places on the route. 
 
 We retired early and slept satisfactorily. When I 
 awoke the next morning, Jim was already up and on 
 deck. I rose, dressed myself, and joined him. 
 
 "Everything looks outlandish to me. The very ships, 
 so black and flat, don't seem natural. We are already 
 in the river you say Antwerp is on. What do you 
 call it?" 
 
 "The Scheldt." 
 
 " You may call it that, or anything else you please 
 for me. I don't expect to get anything right in pro- 
 nouncing what little of that business I shall have to do 
 over here. What a flat country ; a dead level with the 
 sea. But ain't there many a windmill? No wonder. 
 Any quantity of wind always about to move 'em. Plenty 
 of water, too, as to that, but it's got no fall. I feel like 
 I was already a thousand miles further off than I was 
 this time yesterday. I want to get through this part of 
 the trip as soon as possible. You are the only man, 
 Phil, on top of the ground that I would ever have come 
 with this far from home." 
 
 The sight of the ancient city revived his spirits much. 
 It does present a fine view to the approach with its 
 immense basin ; crowded with ships, and its numerous, 
 lofty spires. Jim kept close to my side when the boat 
 landed. Passing our luggage without difficulty before 
 the custom-house officers, we went ashore and took a 
 carriage for the hotel. 
 
 " Easier than I expected," said Jim ; " what did that 
 fellow ask you ? " 
 
180 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 " Whether we had any tobacco or cigars." 
 
 " Tobacco and cigars ! why that's what they asked us 
 at Liverpool. They must be the main things they 
 smuggle over here. But, now, do let me ask you : did 
 you ever see such horses since you were born? I've 
 heard of the Flemish horses; but these are a hickory 
 over what I expected. Look at those two bays hitched 
 to that wagon or cart, or whatever kind of a whimididdle 
 it is. They'd weigh over two thousand pounds apiece. 
 And what a load. A yoke of oxen could'nt draw as 
 much, nor seem more awkward. They don't look as if 
 they could trot at all. And those collars! They must 
 have cheap leather to waste it that way in collars. I tell, 
 you everything over here looks outlandish to me." 
 
 Leaving our luggage at the hotel, we spent the couple 
 of hours before lunch in driving around. 
 
 " Pretty solid buildings," said Jim, after we had seen 
 the Exchange, the Hotel de Ville, the Maison Ansiatic, 
 and the palace erected for the occasional sojourn of the 
 royal family. " Better than I expected to see. As for 
 this street, Place de — something — Meir, it's the prettiest 
 we've seen anywhere. I should say, though, that this 
 town isn't as big as it used to be. It looks, especially at 
 the end behind us, as if its been worn out in that direc- 
 tion and then cut off." 
 
 " That's just the fact. Antwerp used to contain two 
 hundred thousand. Now it has very many less. The 
 towns on the coast have competed with it. It used to 
 have a monopoly of the commerce on the waters of the 
 North Sea." 
 
 "All right. I'm against monopolies of all kinds, for 
 towns or folks. Let everybody have a fair chance." 
 
 I persuaded him to enter with me into the cathedral. 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 181 
 
 "I'll go with yon/ 7 said he, "to a few of 'em; but I 
 tell you, Phil, they're too tiresome and solemn for me to 
 spend much of my time at." 
 
 He was, however, more interested than I expected him 
 to be. Indeed, few persons could view without interest 
 this great edifice, and especially those pictures that adorn 
 its walls. He looked long at The Descent from the Cross, 
 and remarked, after we went out, that it was the most 
 natural looking picture of that kind that he had yet 
 seen. 
 
 " Those faces look more like real people than any of 
 them in the pictures of what you call the old masters." 
 
 " Tkat is because Eubens painted from living persons. 
 Some of the figures are portraits of his relatives and 
 friends." 
 
 " I don't know so well about that," said he, with a 
 somewhat troubled look. 
 
 "Nor I either." 
 
 We had dismissed the coachman on entering, and now 
 but for Jim's clearness of head in the matter of locality 
 we should have had some difficuly in finding the hotel. 
 As it was, after winding here and there, often against 
 my remonstrance that we were going precisely wrong, 
 we made our way in good time. 
 
 " I can't speak their language, Phil ; but I'm as hard 
 to fool about places as a pig." 
 
 "A pig?" 
 
 " Yes, sir, a pig. There isn't an animal on the face of 
 the earth, not even excepting a pigeon, that has as clear 
 ideas about places as a pig." 
 
 Not having time for the discussion of this point, we 
 hastily took our lunch and were on the train for Brus- 
 sels. When we were fairly out of Antwerp, Jim began 
 Iris remarks upon the country. 1G 
 
182 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 "A mighty difference between this and England — pop- 
 lars instead of paks, poplars, poplars — Lombardy poplars! 
 and in straight rows. No hills either; no branches and 
 creeks. Give me England and Scotland before a dead 
 level like this. But this people know how to work it. 
 By ditching and underdraining they've knocked the bot- 
 tom out from the crawfish and tadpoles. There isn't 
 anything like getting used to a thing." 
 
 As we traveled, the country became more picturesque > 
 yet the long, double rows of poplars could not compen- 
 sate for the clumps of wide-spreading oaks on English 
 hill-sides, and the winding willow shades on the clear 
 brooks. As we passed through Malines, Jim remarked 
 that he had never heard of that place. 
 
 '• But it is an important town," said I, " and bears to 
 Belgium the same relation that Clapham sustains to 
 England. One may take the cars here for any place in 
 the country. That Cathedral is seven hundred years 
 old. Kubens' picture of the Last Sup2)er is in that ; his 
 Adoration of the Magi is in that of St. John's. In the 
 Church of the Eecollets is The Crucifixion of Vandyke. ,J 
 
 In Brussels, at the Hotel de la Clos. 
 
 Jim felt as if he was further and further from home 
 as we sat, after dinner, in the court looking around at 
 the quaint walls and windows, the flower-pots and shrub- 
 bery, and the small aquarium in the corner near the 
 door of the dining-room, and listened to the strange 
 mixture of French and Flemish of the busy domestics. 
 
 " So little like old Georgia. Such talking! Even if 
 a body could pick up a few of their words, these people 
 talk so fast they would all run into one. I always like 
 to talk with people whenever I travel. I shall have to 
 put up with you, Phil, until we cross this channel again." 
 
TWO GRAY TOUKISTS. 183 
 
 I consoled him with the assurance that lie would meet 
 many Americans, and those among Europeans who could 
 speak English. 
 
 The next morning he joined the Cook party, who had 
 reached Brussels later, in a visit to Waterloo, while I 
 went to St. Guclule, the Churches of Notre Dame, des Vic- 
 toires, de la Chapelle, and the Hotel de Ville, wherein the 
 abdication of Charles V took place in the year 1555. After 
 his return we drove around, seeing, among others, the 
 palace of Laeken, once the residence of Josephine, where 
 Napoleon signed the declaration of war against Prussia. 
 
 Brussels is certainly beautiful — most beautiful, next 
 to Edinburgh, and surpassing it in public walks. The 
 Boulevards with their lime trees, the Allee Verte along 
 the canal from the town to the Scheldt, the park, Royal 
 palace, and the superb public offices, inspired us with 
 admiration. Jim was running over with recollections 
 of the sights at Waterloo. I tried to speak of the revo- 
 lution of 1830, which resulted in Belgian independence 
 and the elevation to the throne of Leopold of Saxe 
 Coburg. But he came at me with Waterloo, whose great 
 battle he had never fully understood until to day, when 
 he went over the very ground. So we made short 
 speeches apiece. As we passed a shop where the manu- 
 facture of laces was carried on, at his suggestion, we 
 alighted and entered. Entertaining as this was, yet it 
 was painful to look upon these poor women as they bent 
 over their tasks, and with strained eyes brought almost 
 in contact with the gossamer threads, they moved back 
 and forth with marvellous rapidity, the numerous black, 
 wooden handles that dangled upon the boards. 
 
 The next morning early we were off again. Jim was 
 quite satisfied to diverge from the party of the Little 
 Dutchman. 
 
184 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 "Too much following like sheep. He did the think- 
 ing and the talking. It's convenient, but I like to think 
 for myself, even if I can't tongue it out. Besides, he 
 don't talk well enough for one man, let alone fifteen." 
 
 At Louvain we turned abruptly to the right, and sped 
 along the fine country to the southeast. The approach 
 to Liege through the fertile valleys of the Meuse and 
 the Ourthe bringing us to the sudden summits of Sainte 
 Walburg and Le Oornillon was enchanting. Jim said 
 here was another Birmingham, but not half as healthy. 
 Did anybody ever see such high houses and such narrow 
 streets ? The sun never gets into some of them. And 
 what was I straining to see with my glasses — " 
 
 " St. Denis, St. Croix, St. Martin, and St. Bartolemy, 
 and the cathedral. You have read Quentin Durward, 
 have'nt you, Jim ? " 
 
 " Certainly. I forgot that some of the scenes are laid 
 here." 
 
 " The present Palais de Justice was the bishop's palace 
 in the times of the Dukes of Burgundy." 
 
 " Those old fellows, according to Scott, made a mis- 
 take in taking up with the Wild Boar of — what was it ? " 
 
 "Ardennes. This whole country used to be the foot- 
 ball of the tyrants of Europe, and, you know, is yet the 
 fighting ground for the neighboring great powers. But 
 the people, who can't help that and who are naturally 
 fond of peace, take the best care of themselves possible 
 until the wars are over, go to work again, get richer and 
 richer from all their resources, and now Belgium is the 
 most populous country in Europe." 
 
 At Pepinster, we turned to the northeast, where 
 another lovely valley appeared, that of the Vesdres, 
 with its background of dark green hills. Shortly after 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 185 
 
 passing Verviers, we entered the territory of Prussia, 
 but without knowing this fact when Ave changed cars. 
 Before starting off again, a stern-looking, full-bearded 
 man, dressed iu brown uniform, suddenly thrusting his 
 head through the window, addressed to us some words in 
 curt and apparently threatening tones. I guessed at his 
 office, and, taking down my valise, started to open it. The 
 man who brought him there, and who had acted as 
 guard on the train we had left, showed his remembrance 
 of Jim's civility in giving him a glass of beer not long 
 before, by speaking to the officer in an assuring tone, 
 and he immediately left us. 
 
 " What in this world did that fellow want, Phil ? " 
 "He is, doubtless, a Prussian custom house officer." 
 " Upon my word, when he began — I was looking out 
 of the window over there — I thought it was a dog 
 growling at you ; and when I turned and saw that hairy 
 face, I was'nt much better off. He must have been 
 cussing about something. If the balance of the people 
 over here have no better manners than that, the sooner 
 we get out of this country the better. Let's do the 
 best we can with this lunch and Ehine wine. I've got 
 my native appetite yet, if I have lost my speech." 
 
 A soothing influence upon us both, these, and cigars 
 afterwards. Jim sat with his legs in the window as 
 complacently as if he had been in his own piazza, and 
 surveying his own cornfields. I told him after a while 
 that he must stir about, as we were approaching classic 
 ground. 
 
 " Explain yourself," said he, lazily shifting his cigar 
 to the other corner of his mouth. 
 
 "This is Aix-la-Chapelle, the famous Aquae of the 
 Romans. A little farther on, that little town, Duren 
 
 16* 
 
186 two okay roi EUSTS, 
 
 on the Boer, which you see on the map, was the ancient 
 
 Mareodornm. The Emperor Charlemagne, destroyed 
 that town; this was his favorite residence. 
 u Bight nice-looking old burg. Trace her back, Phi), 
 
 and tell me another time. That wine is first-rate, but it 
 has made me sleepy." 
 
 " What ! sleep here in the very presence of the Roman 
 legions, of Charlemagne and his Paladins. oi' Tacitus 
 and his Germain' a, and within half an hour o( the Rhine 
 and Cin'fas Cbiorum?" 
 
 "Never better: those very names make me go it 
 easier." 
 
 While he was taking his nap, I mused undisturbed on 
 the eventful history oi' the country. In half an hour, 
 this day's journey came to its end, and we were at the 
 Hottl Holland* in Cologne. Having at our disposal 
 only that afternoon, we made tin 1 most ot' our time. 
 Jim's observations of the old city seemed peculiar. I 
 shall let him speak for himself. 
 
 "Phil." he said that night, "my ideas oi' churches 
 have got turned upside down since we've been over here. 
 Now a church, I always thought, was a house — (big or 
 little, according to the size oi' the town or the member- 
 ship) — was a house where people could go to meeting of 
 a Sunday morning, hear a good, bad, or indifferent 
 sermon, and then shut up the house until meeting-day 
 comes around again. Over here they go to work build- 
 ing churches, like they were building towns. Now, the 
 idea of being six or seven hundred years at t his old 
 cathedral, and, by gracious, not done with it yet. They 
 first put up one part. After a while, somebody comes 
 along, and runs another part across it. or alongside of 
 it. Two or three hundred years afterwards, somebody 
 
TWO GRAY TOUBI8TS. 187 
 
 else pieces on to it what he calls a chapel, and other 
 people piece on more chapels, until it is perfectly aston- 
 ishing how big and rambling it will get to be after a 
 while. AVhy, a fellow might get lost— you would every 
 time — in that building mixed up with those chapels 
 and pillars. I counted a hundred of them, some of 'em 
 ten feet thick. And then there don't seem to be any 
 particular time for holding meetings, preaching or 
 prayer meetings. People go in at all times, many of 
 'em one at a time, and everybody appears to have his 
 prayers all to himself. But ain't they rich ? But now, 
 what good it does to keep so many jewels and so much 
 silver and gold in a church I can't understand. We 
 must have seen hundreds of thousands of dollars worth 
 there to day. Who does it belong to ? That's the ques- 
 tion. And what good does it do locked up there ? I 
 know it isn't any of my business ; but I would like to 
 know what good it does, or what they expect it to do, 
 this dead capital. But the having graveyards in 'em, 
 that gets me the worst of all. I can't feel reconciled to 
 people being buried in houses, and being walked over, 
 and especially having their bones kept to show to 
 people. They may be The Three Kings,* as they call 
 'em, but I've no fancy for looking at the head, even of a 
 king, when it's off his shoulders. But as for that 
 matter, don't that other old church, St. Ursula f take 
 the lead in bones ? Literally lined with 'em. Eleven 
 thousand virgins! and that other one with the The- 
 
 * In the chapel of the Three Kings or Magi whose bones were brought 
 thrre from Constantinople by the Empress Helena. 
 
 t (n honor of St. Ursula, the English princess wl.o, according to the 
 legend, on her return from Rome, whithi r she had been on a pilgrimage, 
 was murdered near Cologne with her 11,000 virgins, whose bones are pre- 
 served in cases placed around the church. 
 
188 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 bans! | I'm not going to folloAv you any more into 
 such places. I've got so confused already, that I'm 
 getting, it seems to me, to forget what churches were 
 meant for. Well, well, it's a curious old town, take it 
 by and large; and the dirtiest I should never wish to 
 see. I should think, with all the riches in their cathe- 
 dral, they might raise money enough somewhere to have 
 some of the biggest of this dirt taken up and hauled 
 away. Did anybody ever run up against such smells ? 
 They'll have to make more Cologne water than they do 
 to help that cause, and they say they make it here by 
 the thousand. Maybe they send it all away, and don't 
 use any themselves. No wonder it was invented here. 
 That old fellow, T expect, lived in one of the dirtiest 
 streets in the town, and learned how to make something 
 that would take the everlasting smell out of his nostrils. 
 It was a relief to get out of town this hot evening, and 
 take that boat up to the zoological gardens. They are 
 delightful. I've no doubt the people go there in such 
 crowds mostly to get rid of the smells in the town. 
 They work all day, and get their lungs and noses full 
 of 'em, and then go out there for a little fresh, clean 
 air before going to bed. That part of the trip here I 
 enjoyed in spite of that rascal of a guide I knew he 
 was a scamp as soon as, without our asking him, he 
 took us to that cologne-water shop, and I noticed him 
 give a wink to the store-keeper. You'd have bought 
 there if I had lit pinched you. I knew they did'nt have 
 the best article there, just from the looks of both of 
 'em. That guide won't forget us soon, I bet." 
 
 X >>t. Gereon! Dedicated to the Theban Legion with their captains, 
 Geivon and (iivgory, who were martyred there in the time of Diocle- 
 tian. Several hundreds of their skulls are arranged around the choir 
 ^nder gilded arabesques. 
 
TWO GKAY TOUEISTS. 189 
 
 The officers at the hotel were certainly not select in 
 the matter of the guide whom they furnished to us. 
 Jim had whispered to me at the cologne-water shop that 
 he was not to be trusted. So we left without purchasing 
 and went to another place. At the gardens we listened 
 to the finest music that I ever have heard from a band 
 of entirely wind instruments. They played several 
 pieces of my selection. After which I sent, at Jim's 
 suggestion, the guide to the musicians to join us in a 
 glass of beer. In settling for it, I handed several pieces 
 of money. Jim narrowly watched the guide as he made 
 the change. The musicians having left us to return to 
 the stand, I was about to put into my pocket the money 
 returned to me, when Jim broke in thus: 
 
 "A few more of them grochen, or whatever you call 
 'em. You have'nt given back the right change. If my 
 friend is willing to submit to the cheat, I ain't." 
 
 The man at first looked somewhat defiant, and then 
 began to argue. 
 
 " Stuff and nonsense ! I don't know what the Dutch 
 for that is. But you understand me. Fork over the 
 needful." 
 
 He put his hand to his head and frowned upon the 
 money thoughtfully, and said : 
 
 " Yath, yath. I believe—" 
 
 "Yath! Yath! No doubt about it. There, that's 
 it. Put it in your pocket, Phil. And now we've got 
 sense enough surely to find our way back by ourselves, 
 and may let this fellow go. See here, my honest friend," 
 (turning to the man,) "you see this watch? We hired 
 you by the hour. You've been with us for exactly three 
 hours and twenty-five minutes to a second. Here's the 
 money for four hours. Now, you can go. None of your 
 
190 TWO (iK.VY TOURISTS. 
 
 grumbling. Off with you, or I will have you arrested 
 for the money you kept when you bought us (he cigars. 
 
 You see that if I don't understand your language, 1 
 know some of your ways." 
 
 We found afterwards that there was a general com- 
 plaint among tourists concerning these guides (toutors) 
 at Cologne. 
 
 Our chamber was within a stone's throw of the Rhine. 
 For some time after Jim retired, I sat in the window 
 looking out and listening to its waters. 
 
 w Suppose you talk me to sleep, Phil, about this town.'' 
 
 ''Well. I was just thinking of the eventful destiny of 
 her who was born here, and iti honor of whom the town 
 was named and a colony established." 
 
 " You don't mean that the town was named after some- 
 body that was born in it ? That looks like putting the 
 cart before the horse." 
 
 "Yes, indeed. This was the old Oppidum Ubiorum" 
 
 "You don't tell me so. That name needed a change, 
 certain." 
 
 "While Germanicus was here stationed to keep down 
 the fierce tribes that Agrippa had transported across the 
 river, his daughter Agrippina, by his wife of the same 
 name, grand-daughter oi^ Augustus Caesar, was born." 
 
 "Upon my word, I thought that woman was born at 
 — somewhere else — a little farther tip the river — or down 
 it, I disremember which. Aggy, who, did you say?" 
 
 "Agrippina, daughter of Germanicus, grand-daughter 
 of Yipsanius Agrippa, and great grand-daughter of 
 Augustus." 
 
 "Gracious me! Rut I don't see how you get Cologne 
 out of any of those names." 
 
 " I'll tell you. After the death of her husbands, Gneus 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 191 
 
 Domitius Ahenobarbus and Crispus Passienus, Agrip- 
 pina married — " 
 
 " You don't mean to say she married again after bury 
 ing all those men ? " 
 
 " There were only two of them." 
 
 " I thought it was about five. Old Aggy seemed to 
 like the married life. Go ahead ; I have'nt heard better 
 talking to put a man to sleep in some time. Who did 
 the Avidow catch next ? " 
 
 " The Emperor Claudius, her uncle." 
 
 " Her uncle? Get out ! Was'nfc there any law against 
 that?" 
 
 " Yes ; but in their case it was avoided by a decree of 
 the Senate." 
 
 " That did'nt keep it from being a sin and a shame." 
 
 "And then she prevailed upon her husband to enlarge 
 the town into a colony, and had it named Colonia Ag- 
 grippinensis." 
 
 " That was — very fine. How did they — get on after — *' 
 
 " Badly. Claudius had already murdered his former 
 wife, Messalina. After his marriage with Agrippina, 
 she prevailed upon him to set aside from the succession 
 his own son Britannicus, in favor of her son Nero. When 
 Claudius intimated his purpose of restoring Britannicus 
 she poisoned him with mushrooms. After Nero's acces- 
 sion, in her ambition to control him, she overreached 
 herself, and he had her assassinated in her villa on the 
 Lucrine Lake." 
 
 The measured breathing from Jim's bed announced 
 that he was asleep. I sat some time musing upon the 
 ancient and mediaeval history of the place and went to 
 sleep at last, thankful for having seen the great Dom, 
 made, through centuries of pious endeavors, so fit for 
 the worship of God. 
 
CHAPTER XV. 
 
 N" hour's ride next morning in the new part of 
 Cologne and a stroll in the fine gardens with- 
 out the walls, tended to subdue some of my 
 companion's hostility. But, he urged, that of 
 all the towns he had seen that which had " old walls " 
 around them, this was the one from which it would be 
 most sensible to have them removed, so as to give room 
 for some of the Avorst of the noisome odors to get out of 
 it. At ten o'clock we were on the boat for Mayence. 
 At once I opened my map, a " Panorama of the Rhine," 
 which I had purchased the day before. 
 
 " You look, from the length of that map, as if you had 
 a good long geography lesson to get.*' 
 
 " Yes, sir ; I'm going to learn all I can to-day about 
 this river from Cologne to Mayence." 
 
 " Go ahead ; tell me something occasionally which you 
 think they'd be apt to ask me about at home, but not too 
 much. My head's pretty well packed now, and not 
 otherwise in very good order." 
 
 Among the Americans and English on board he soon 
 made acquaintances. Occasionally, as he passed by me in 
 his promenades on the deck, lie Mould address some 
 remark of playful encouragement of my studies or of 
 praise of the scenery around us. 
 
 (192) 
 
TWO GKAY TOUK1STS. 193 
 
 "Stick to it, my son; I know it's hard, for I've been 
 all along there and got many a whipping. Still yon can 
 get it if yon .don't get discouraged and give it up, but 
 will keep at it. And then you'll be so smart, you know, 
 and feel so good that you had it to do. Pretty fair 
 farming country this ; and though there ain't as many 
 windmills as in Belgium, still there's a plenty, I should 
 say, for all reasonable neighborhood purposes. But, 
 hello! here's a considerable of a town over yonder to the 
 right. What is it ? and tell me an item or two ; I hope 
 it ain't Roman. By the way, I went to sleep sure enough 
 while you were talking about that widow. Those big 
 old names were as good as a dose of laudanum." 
 
 "You don't need laudanum nor any other soporific 
 when your head gets upon a pillow. That is Bonn. 
 Read what the guide book says about it." 
 
 "No, sir; no time to be reading books now, and no 
 great fancy for reading 'em very much any time, I'm 
 ashamed to say — at least on such subjects as old towns. 
 You were to do up the reading over here, yon know." 
 
 " Bonn is not a large place, but a very old and import- 
 ant one. All I can say about it now is, that the Miinster 
 was started by the Roman Empress Helena, that a garri- 
 son is here, an observatory, a university, and botanical 
 gardens." 
 
 '■You may put off about the Roman empress until to- 
 night, bed time." 
 
 " Here's a little bit of romance, Jim ; you'll read that 
 at least. We will come to the scene presently." 
 
 I gave him the guide-book and pointed out the account 
 of the unhappy Roland, the remains of whose castle, 
 Kolandseck, after passing the Seven Mountains, we 
 reached. 
 
 17 
 
11)4 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 " Poor fellow ! But I should'nt have done any such 
 thing as that. When I got back from the wars and 
 found the girl, hearing I was dead, had gone into that 
 convent — but look here, man, would'nt they have let her 
 off when they knew that she had gone there under a mis- 
 take of the facts ? " 
 
 " No, Sir ; she was as dead to him there in Nunnen- 
 werth as if she had been in her grave." 
 
 "Well, I should'nt have settled on that hill, just to 
 be able to see all the time where she was, but I'd have 
 gone off as far as I could get." 
 
 "And married some other woman, doubtless." 
 
 " Not improbable. However, that would have looked 
 mean, and nothing good ever comes out of meanness. It 
 was a hard case all around." 
 
 Surely there is no where else so enchanting scenery as 
 that from Bonn to Ooblentz. The country itself, aside 
 from historic and romantic associations, seemed emi- 
 nently suited as a theatre for stirring events. The vari- 
 ations of mountain and vale, the remains of fortresses 
 apparently impregnable by all assaults except those of 
 time, united with these the memory of Roman, German, 
 and French prowess, of Paladin and Crusader, are so 
 crowded upon the mind as one travels up the famous 
 river that it is a hard day's work to note them all. At 
 Oberw inter one has barely time to take that fine view 
 backward to Rolandseck, Nunnenwerth, Drachenfels, 
 and the rest of the Siebenberg before he must turn to 
 the new beauties which lie in profusion on either side 
 before him. To the right, in rapid sequence, Unkelbach, 
 St. Apollinaris-Kirch, Remagen, the Valley of the Aar, 
 Rheinech, Andernach ; on the left, Tlnkel, Ochanfels, 
 Linz, Neuweid, Bendorf, the Island of Neiderwerth, and 
 many others. 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 105 
 
 "No wonder they call it strong, and are proud of it," 
 Jim said, as we passed along by the base of Ehrenbreit- 
 stein, and looked up the long, steep, rocky ascent. 
 " Cannon nor trick can take that, nor famine either, for 
 they say the magazines and cisterns hold supplies enough 
 to last a hundred thousand men three years." 
 
 " It is a great fortress ; but yonder is a building at the 
 confluence of the Rhine and the Moselle more interesting 
 to me than that. It is the Church of St. Castor, founded 
 in the ninth century. That old church has seen many 
 a dynasty rise and fall from Charlemagne downwards. 
 It was there, after his death, that his grandsons met in 
 order to divide among themselves his vast dominions in 
 Germany, Italy, and France — the great empire of the 
 West" 
 
 1 I think they might have taken some other place 
 besides a church to settle up the estate. Coblentz ! It's 
 a curious name, but a sight easier to call than the most 
 of them we've seen to-day." 
 
 " Coblentz is a corruption of the Eoman conflue/itia, 
 so called from the confluence of the two rivers." 
 
 "It sounds different now. Been through so many 
 mouths, and German mouths at that, it's been smartly 
 chawed. There's the dinner-bell. You won't go down ? 
 All right. I'll send you a beefsteak and half bottle of 
 Moselle. Let me know when I get to Bin gen. I prom- 
 ised Jake that I'd think of him when I got % to ' Bingen 
 on the Rhine,' God bless him." 
 
 " You will have plenty of time for that and get your 
 dinner also. But would you, just for one dinner, Jim 
 Eawls, would you miss seeing Stotzenfels, Oberlahn- 
 stein, Braubach, Rheinfels, the Lurlie, Schonberg, and 
 especially the brothers Sternberg and Liebenstein ? " 
 
mm; two or a x Tourists. 
 
 "Those two last wore brothers, were they? What kin 
 were the balance? No, sir, 1 give up my dinner for no 
 plaoes with names like that." And oil" he went. He 
 oame up jitstas we were nearing that curious strnoture 
 in the middle of the river above Oaub, oalled the Pfalz." 
 
 "In the name of oommon sense, what Is that oon- 
 founded thing?" 
 
 M li was built," this pamphlet says, "several hundred 
 
 years ago lor (he purpose of having a, convenient place 
 for oolleoting tribute from passing vessels; but read 
 
 that." 
 
 "In L194, the BmperOr Henry VI wished to marry 
 the daughter of Count Palatine Conrad to one of his 
 
 friends, but, the young princess had already gained the 
 
 alfecfions of Henry o[' Brunswick. The father, dread- 
 ing the emperor's \\ rail), would not consent to flu 1 alli- 
 ance, but caused a tower to be built in the middle of 
 the river below Baoharaoh, where he kept his prisoner. 
 
 Her mother, however, secretly aided the Prinoeof Bruns- 
 wick in gaining admittance to the tower, where his 
 union with the princess was privately solemnized. 
 When the princess was about to give birth to a child, 
 her mother disclosed the affair to her husband, who, 
 Qnding his opposition no longer availing, capriciously 
 passed a law that all future Countesses Palatine should 
 repair to the castle to await their aeeoueheinenfs. Such 
 is the anci^if and improbable tradition connected with 
 
 the Pfalz, whence it also derives its name." 
 
 "No telling what young folks won't do, nor where 
 they Won't v^o when they take a notion to marry. Where 
 did the old man live?" 
 
 "Just beyond the bend yonder, to the right, at Stah- 
 lek, the old castle." 
 
TWO OltA V TOtMtlSTS. 107 
 
 "All come from meddling with young people's matches. 
 My notion is, if you can't persuade 'em you need'nt try 
 to drive 'em. We arc getting into the great wine region, 
 I heard at dinner." 
 
 " Yes. Just behind Stahlek yonder is Bacharach, 
 celebrated for its wine." 
 
 Passing, in succession, Furstenberg, Heinberg, Fal- 
 kenberg, Rheinstein and Ehrenfels, we reached Bingcn. 
 
 "Is that another Piffals?" asked Jim, pointing at the 
 Meurth Thurm in the middle of the river near the 
 landing. 
 
 "Another what?" 
 
 " Piffals. Was'nt that what you called that concern 
 back yonder where the young woman got married to 
 that fellow unbeknownst ? " 
 
 "Pfalz." 
 
 " I don't see much difference, and I bet you don't call 
 it right. Is this another one ? " 
 
 " No, that's the Mouse Tower, so called from a legend 
 that, in former times, a very despotic archbishop was 
 devoured there by mice. It was used, at one time, as 
 the Pfalz, for collecting toll. Now it is a sort of light- 
 house. You see how narrow the river is here? Rush- 
 ing down those high mountains, it forms this, what is 
 called the Bingerloch, over which it is dangerous for 
 two boats to pass each other. The watchman who occu- 
 pies it signals to any boats that may be meeting, so that 
 they may avoid collision." 
 
 "That's sensible. A pretty town. It will do old 
 Jake good to know I've seen it. Poor little fellow! 
 There's another river coming in just above yonder." 
 
 " It is the Nahe ; the old ruin is the Klopp, built by 
 Drusus." 
 
 37* 
 
108 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 " Of the same set that you put me to sleep with last 
 night ? " 
 
 " The same. He was the son of Livia, wife of Augus- 
 tus and her first husband, Tiberius Nero. Augustus 
 fell in love with her, and divorcing his own wife, Scri- 
 bonia, took Livia away from her husband three months 
 before her third son was born, and married her." 
 
 "What! Take a fellow's wife when she's borne him 
 two children and pretty nearly three ? No wonder that 
 old empire broke down. Things can't last when God 
 Almighty's laws are run over in that style." 
 
 Near Eudesheim, the" river suddenly turned towards 
 the north, and we were now at the beginning of the Rhine- 
 gau, the great wine region of the Rhine. Here I handed 
 Jim another legend to read, that of Bromserberg, once 
 the property of the old knights of Eudesheim. It ran 
 thus : 
 
 " One of these knights who had distinguished himself 
 by destroying a dragon in the Holy Land, and had 
 escaped out of the hands of the Saracens, vowed that if 
 he ever returned to Eudesheim he would dedicate his 
 only daughter, Grisela, to the Church. The latter, during 
 her father's absence, had formed an attachment to a 
 young knight of a neighboring castle, and heard with 
 dismay her father's fatal vow. The old Crusader was 
 inexorable, and Grisela, in a fit of despair, threw her- 
 self from the tower into the Rhine. According to pop- 
 ular belief, her form still hovers about the ruined tower, 
 and her lamentations are heard mingling with the roar- 
 ings of the wind." 
 
 " It appears," was Jim's comment, " that the females 
 in this region of country had bad luck in their love 
 affairs ; some of 'em getting to be nuns under a mistake, 
 
TWO GRAY TOITRISTS. 199 
 
 some made so against their wills, and some shut up in a 
 box in the river to keep 'em from marrying according to 
 their own choice. That last one had better married 
 unbeknownst, like the other, rather than kill herself 
 But I suppose she could'nt get out. Meddling again. 
 The old man thought he would do a great thing for the 
 Church by devoting his daughter instead of himself. 
 That is a business that ain't stopped yet. Plenty of 
 people nowadays who think if they can make other people 
 do right, they need'nt take any great pains with their 
 own conduct. A great mistake, but a mighty common 
 one." 
 
 The night closed in upon us after passing the Castle 
 of Johannesberg, and soon we were landed at Mayence. 
 Jim said that he intended to dine with me, because he 
 felt so lonesome at the table on the boat without me that 
 it took away his appetite. And now we must have a 
 bottle of Johannesberger. We owed it to the satisfaction 
 of having seen the vines that made it ; we owed it to the 
 country generally, and we owed it to ourselves. We had 
 opened upon the great Eheingau with the Rudesheimer, 
 we would now have a Johannesberger, and to-morrow 
 we would wind up with a Steinberger. 
 
 " People that can afford to drink such wine as this," 
 he continued, when we had opened the bottle and tasted, 
 "ought to be a good people. Isn't, it glorious all the 
 way down? If I did'nt know myself, I should feel like 
 making a speech." 
 
 After dinner we lighted our cigars and repaired to the 
 smoking-room, and in spite of his pretended hostility to 
 old things, we talked long upon the scenes through 
 which we had passed during the day, and their history, 
 ancient and modern. Next morning after a drive to the 
 
203 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 barracks, the cathedral, the confluence of the Rhine and 
 Main, the fruit market, and Gutenburg monument, we 
 took the road again. 
 
 "This is the cleanest-looking town I've seen yet in 
 Germany," said Jim, as we were passing through Darm- 
 stadt. 
 
 " Yes. It was of small importance until the Arch- 
 duke Ludwig gave it a start. The new part, built within 
 the last twenty or thirty years, is larger than the old. 
 That monument yonder was erected to his memory." 
 
 We had gone but a little way out of the town and 
 turned squarely to the south, when, for the first time 
 since we had left home, Ave saw a field of corn. The 
 sight did us both good. 
 
 " Oh," said Jim, " if I could only get out and walk 
 about in it, and feel of it, and hear the blades rustle, and 
 catch a June-bug or two ! How it does bring old Georgia 
 to me ! And, by the way, what splendid land it is for 
 corn and wheat along this valley. What long mountain 
 is that to the left?" 
 
 It was the Odenwald, and we were coursing down the 
 Bergstrasse (mountain-road) between the Main and the 
 Neckar. It was most pleasing to see the ripe wheat- 
 fields, the peasants reaping and harvesting the overflow- 
 ing crops, and to lift our eyes anon above and beyond to 
 the towering forest. After passing Weinheim, we di- 
 verged from the Odenwald, and, making a circuit by 
 Ladensberg and Wiedrichsfeld, returned to it at Heidel- 
 berg. Here we stopped for three hours. Ordering 
 lunch (to include, of course, trout from the Neckar), 
 we hired a carriage for a brief inspection. We thought 
 Heidelberg the prettiest of all towns of its size. At the 
 head of the Valley of the Neckar, snugly ensconced be- 
 tween the surrounding eminences, the continuous green 
 
TWO OR AY TOURISTS. 201 
 
 shades along its one prominent street impart a sweet 
 coolness which the son seems never to subdue. Passing 
 by the university buildings in the Ludwig Platz, we first 
 ascended to the Mulchencur, and returning, drove to the 
 castle on the eminence opposite. Our time was too brief 
 to allow us to view any but a comparatively small part 
 of this, the hugest and grandest of all the ruins of Ger- 
 many. In vain had many an army of besiegers attempted 
 to destroy it. No wonder it was so long and so arduous 
 to break down the power of the feudal lords, when they 
 could hide themselves within walls that even gunpowder 
 could only partially dislodge. As we drove by the uni- 
 versity buildings again upon our return (which, as for 
 age, Jim said showed for themselves), we saw several 
 students walking along, some of whom were followed by 
 dogs of a species such as we had never seen before. 
 
 " Did anybody ever see such dogs ? " exclaimed Jim. 
 
 They seemed of the purest bull, but so extremely 
 diminutive as not to weigh, I should say, over eight or 
 ten pounds. Jim enquired about them of our host at 
 the Schrieder, where we lunched. 
 
 "De shtoodens haf dem for combany in de valk, and 
 dey make dem fight much. Yah ? Day fight shtrong, 
 dem leetle dog." 
 
 Our lunch was served in a veranda, in the rear of 
 the hotel. Jim pronounced the trout delicious, but 
 small, he should rather say, small but delicious. It 
 would'nt do to bring out our bottle of Steinberger at 
 the board of so polite a host. So we took one of his 
 Hubberger. 
 
 "Well," said Jim, after we were on the move again, 
 and we had fired up, " it's a beautiful little town. I 
 notice, as we get down south, that they pay more atten- 
 tion to shade than we do. I'm glad we stopped here. 
 
202 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 A beautiful little town. I say little, and it can't grow 
 much bigger, hemmed in, as it is, between the river and 
 these mountains. They jammed it in a snug little place, 
 and I don't wonder it's always been so hard to take. 
 That old castle is big enough though to make up for 
 the town. Some of those walls are twenty feet thick 
 and more, so that where they've been blown down by 
 powder they afford a defence still. That old wine hogs- 
 head took me ; forty-nine thousand gallons. While they 
 were at it, they might have made it an even fifty. They 
 must have been good drinkers in those times before they 
 invented their lager beer. By the way, that was a capi- 
 tal wine we had — Humbugger, you call it ? No humbug 
 about that, if you'll allow a bit of a pun. You might J 
 for I've heard you make worse often. But, by gracious, 
 what did you think of those little dogs ? Don't they 
 beat the world ? And is'nt it a nice business for college 
 boys to be at, instead of their books, and trying to get 
 back some of the money their fathers pay out for 'em ? 
 Well, college boys will be college boys everywhere, I 
 suppose, like them at Athens and the other colleges in 
 Georgia. They learn how to dress fine, smoke, drink 
 whiskey, cuss, and be impudent to old people." 
 
 Richer and riper the crops, as, leaving the Neckar, 
 we travelled due South, having, on our right, the broad 
 plain of the Rhine, on our left, the low hills as, gradu- 
 ally growing higher and higher, they culminated in the 
 Black Forest. The villages on this dividing line between 
 the plain and the hills, embowered as they were in shade 
 and fruit trees, seemed perfect in their loveliness. At 
 Ettlingen, the Murgthal rose to view, the Black Forest 
 uplifted high, above all, the Mercuriesberg. At Oos, 
 our train turned suddenly to the left, and in ten minutes 
 we were at Baden-Baden. 
 
CHAPTER XVI 
 
 HIS is a place for richer folks than you and 
 me, Phil." 
 
 We had strolled out after dinner (at the 
 Hotel Hollande) across the Oos, and amid the 
 rows of shops in the Bazaar. 
 
 "A small town, and few stores; but they look like 
 they had a plenty of customers with a plenty of money. 
 But money comes easy, and goes easy here. People that 
 follow gambling spend freely when they are in luck, and 
 I've no doubt these store-keepers know how and where- 
 to catch up the lucky ones. Fve heard that these Dutch 
 women are about as rapid gamblers as the men. When 
 women take a start it's hard to head 'em off." 
 
 "Dutch ? There are no Dutch here. We are in Ger- 
 many, man, not Holland." 
 
 "I call 'em all Dutch; they are all Dutch to me." 
 
 " The gambling is almost nothing now, compared with 
 what it used to be. The government has put an end to 
 the excesses." 
 
 Many as there were in these grounds around the 
 Trinclihalle and Gonversationshaus, during the after- 
 noon, they were few compared with the throng at night. 
 A band of forty musicians played from a stand, and 
 men, women, and children walked, and sat, and listened, 
 and chatted, Jim's facility in making his way led us 
 
 (3QS) 
 
204 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 into limited conversation with an intelligent-looking 
 German, whose table, as he sat smoking and sipping his 
 beer, was next to ours. To a direct question from Jim, 
 if he spoke English, he smiled and answered : 
 
 "A leedle beed." 
 
 It was amusing to me to observe the efforts the two 
 made to render themselves mutually intelligible. Jim 
 adroitly complimented the German military, and hinted 
 that perhaps the army might be getting ready to do 
 for some other nation what they had lately done for the 
 French. From the answer he received he gathered that 
 his remark had not been understood. 
 
 " Vot te Oharmans vant mose now is bees." 
 
 " Bees ! " exclaimed Jim, in astonishment. 
 
 " Yahs, bees," answered the gentleman, with an argu- 
 mentative look. 
 
 " Why — have'nt you got any bees in this country ? I 
 should suppose that bees — " 
 
 I heard no more ; but asking Jim to excuse me for a 
 few moments, retreated, so that I might laugh without 
 restraint. A few minutes afterwards he came where I 
 was promenading near the musicians. 
 
 " Why did'nt you come back ? " he asked carelessly ; 
 " that was a clever fellow." 
 
 I answered that the subjects of their conversation, 
 especially as he was talking about one thing and the 
 stranger another, confused me somewhat, and I con- 
 cluded to take a little turn by myself. 
 
 "When he was talking osi peace and you about bees I 
 could'nt see how you were going to make it." 
 
 The old fellow laughed heartily. 
 
 " Yes, sir, I thought the Dutch nation at large was 
 about going into the bee-raising and honey-making 
 business." 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 205 
 
 " How did you settle it, Jim ? " 
 
 " I told him that I was surprised at what he said ; 
 that I thought, of course, that bees were a very good 
 thing in their way ; that I had a few hives myself, and 
 most country people had a hive or two apiece." 
 
 " Hold on, Jim, and let me lean against this tree 
 awhile. What did he say then ? " 
 
 " Well, sir, he looked at me for a moment as hard as 
 that custom-house officer yesterday ; but he saw that I 
 did'nt mean to be insulting, and that I was'nt scared. 
 And then he laughed and said: ' Oh ! you means te 
 peas — te leedle peas.' I told him I did not mean peas — 
 little peas, nor big peas. Fact, we raised them, too, in 
 Georgia, where I came from in any quantity, but — " 
 
 " I'm going to fall, Jim," said I, " if you don't hold 
 me." 
 
 " He took me up again, sir, and he said : * I not mean 
 peas, I means bees— bees and vor. Te Charmans not 
 vont vor, te Charmans vont bees? When he said vor he 
 frowned and doubled up his fists, and when he said bees 
 he looked as sweet as he could, spread out his hands and 
 did like he was patting a baby on the head. And then 
 I understood him. We laughed. I made him take a 
 beer with me ; but we both found talking together a 
 rather heavy business, and I concluded to leave." 
 
 " Did'nt you ask him to call by if he should ever come 
 to Georgia ? " 
 
 "No. But if he should, I should treat him like a 
 gentleman, and show him my bee-hives." 
 
 We were entertained by a little book which I pur- 
 chased in the Bazaar, entitled "Legendes de Baden" 
 Jim was especially impressed by the legend of the mi- 
 raculous intervention of the Blessed Virgin in deliver- 
 
 18 
 
206 TWO GEAY TOURISTS. 
 
 ing, many centuries ago, her convent of Lichtenstein, 
 situate a little more than a mile out of town, from the 
 soldiers of a fierce invading army when the abbess and 
 her nuns had fled from it and besought her protection. 
 
 The next morning we took the early train for Basle, 
 intending to deflect from our route at Appenweir and 
 make an hour's visit to the Cathedral of Strassburg. Jim 
 said he did not care so much about the old church, but 
 he wanted to see the clock. 
 
 "That steeple beats anything we've seen yet," said he, 
 as we slowly went up amid the throng of visitors. 
 
 " That at Cologne, when finished, will be higher. With 
 that exception, it is the loftiest in the world. Will you 
 go up it ? " 
 
 " Not if I know myself. It's bound to fall some time, 
 and it might take a notion to-day just as I got at the top, 
 then good-bye Emily." 
 
 Grand as this structure is, it was less imposing than 
 that at Cologne. Jim thought that they must have run 
 mainly on their steeple, and that that broke them* 
 Nothing interested him so much as the clock. How he 
 did try to peer into it. We could not wait for the noon- 
 striking, and had to be satisfied with the slip-shod old 
 gentleman who came in at half-past eleven. As we 
 strolled along, remarking upon the different architect- 
 ures of eight hundred years, one of the servitors advanced 
 towards us, and raising his finger, intimated silence. A 
 moment afterwards we were at the opening of one of the 
 chapels where Mass was being said before a congregation 
 of about three hundred worshippers. We turned away, 
 and the sound of the service was again beyond our hear- 
 ing long before we emerged into the street. 
 
 "I had no idea it was meeting-day," said Jim, when 
 
TWO GEAY TOUKISTS. 207 
 
 we were oat; "but they don't seem to have any regular 
 stated meeting days over here. AVhen we were at Co- 
 logne I got up early, you know, and walked out into the 
 town. Blamed if I did'nt see at least a thousand people 
 either going in or coming out of the churches. I doubt 
 if they keep any almanacs in this town ; because, you 
 know, that old clock tells every blessed thing about the 
 sun, moon, and stars, and I suppose these people go by 
 her, and don't want any almanacs. I wonder how often 
 they wind her up ? Curious country. Going to meeting 
 weeky days and before breakfast as well as other times. 
 Let's move on." 
 
 Back to Appenweir. If our tickets had allowed, we 
 would have preferred the direct route to Basle, in order 
 to have a better view of the Yosges, and the mediasval 
 remains on their slopes. As it was, we could only view 
 them in the distance, while the Black Forest was better 
 presented than in the direct line. The valleys are ex- 
 quisitely beautiful. Busy were the laborers and their 
 teams; most of the former were females. In a field 
 where a dozen or fifteen might be harvesting, about 
 three would be men — one with the team, and two with 
 scythes, the rest women and girls. Behind each of the 
 reapers a woman followed with a reap-hook to cut what 
 stocks had been left. 
 
 " They make clean work of it, you see, Phil, and don't 
 leave much pickings for the hogs. Now isn't it a shame 
 for that sort of work to be done mostly by women ? The 
 men, what are not at trades, are in the army. They may 
 talk what they please about bees, as they call it, but I 
 tell you they mean war when the men are drilling and 
 the women gathering the crops. Still, a woman will be 
 a woman, in the wheat patch or ball-room. Look at 
 
208 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 those blue and pink jackets, and notice how stylish they 
 set those straw hats on their heads." 
 
 Thus he rattled on during that sweet afternoon, often 
 leaning his head out of the window, bowing and waving 
 his hat, and halloing to the laborers, who sometimes 
 gaily responded to his salutations. 
 
 We were at Les Trois Rois, in Basle, and were sitting 
 at our chamber window looking down upon the rapidly 
 rolling Rhine, from which, though after several diver- 
 gences, we had not yet separated. 
 
 "Consule Planco ! " said I. 
 
 " Certainly," said Jim. 
 
 ( Non ego hoc ferrem, calidus juventa, 
 Consule Planco.' 
 
 "You and I read that together in Horace under old 
 man Hodge, Jim." 
 
 "Did we? The old man tried to put Horace and 
 Caesar into me with a hickory, but they could'nt stick. 
 Was he ever along here ? not old Hodge, but — that other 
 fellow?" 
 
 "Yes. Munatius Plancus founded this town. Eather 
 it has supplanted another further up the river that was 
 founded by him who was consul when Horace was a boy. 
 When the Roman army mutinied under Germanicus, 
 who had married Agrippina — " 
 
 "That same female you told about at Cologne?" 
 
 "No; but her mother, and a most excellent woman 
 and devoted wife. Mother and daughter could not have 
 been more widely different. The wife of Germanicus 
 accompanied him in his wars, and when he was mur- 
 dered by Piso, at the instance of Tiberius the Emperor, 
 she charged the murderer with his crime openly at 
 Rome, whereupon he stabbed himself," 
 
TWO GRAY TOUEISTS. 209 
 
 "Good-bye for Mm. What became of the widow? 
 Married again, I suppose. Marrying seemed to run in 
 that family." 
 
 " No ; being left with nine children, she — " 
 
 " Oh, dear ! Not much chance to marry again with 
 all that gang, without she could find a fellow like our 
 same Bob Minton. But go on." 
 
 " No, sir ; not another word." 
 
 "Go on, Phil; it's perfectly thrilling what you were 
 saying, only I happened to think of Bob when you were 
 talking about the nine children. Go ahead." 
 
 "Not I. You may substitute Bob Minton for the 
 widow of Germanicus. What of Bob ? You've put out 
 the Caesars for to-night, so bring in Bob." 
 
 " Bob tells it," he went on, after a hearty laugh, " that 
 when he was a boy about fourteen years old he fell ter- 
 ribly in love, heels over head. He loved so hard that he 
 began to get sickly, and his father got uneasy about him 
 and gave him tansy bitters and vinegar-and-nails. But 
 the old man found out somehow what was the matter 
 with him, and that the one he was in love with was a 
 widow that had nine children and weighed three hun- 
 dred pounds. And then what do you think he did ? 
 Why, sir, he took Bob into the woods, and cutting an 
 armful of hickories he gave him three hundred lashes, 
 one lick for every pound of the widow." 
 
 "It cured him?" 
 
 "Yes, sir. Bob says that from loving he got to hate 
 her, and he hated her as long as she lived. He always 
 said that the best way to cure people who were foolishly 
 in love was to give 'em the hickory. Now what about 
 the widow Germanicus ? " 
 
 " No more of her to-night. I refer you to the classical 
 dictionary." 13* 
 
210 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 After breakfast next day we left for Lucerne. 
 
 " Small but active for their size," Jim remarked, as 
 we passed along by the rushing streams, on our way up 
 the Bernese Oberland. In four hours we were at the 
 SchweizerJiof in Lucerne. In the afternoon we drove 
 into the country overshadowed by Mt. Pilatus. Jim 
 noticed with pleasure the luxuriant grass which takes 
 its name from the town. 
 
 " I see," said he, " how it comes to have such a long 
 root. The ground is so poor and hilly that it has to 
 reach down deep in order to hold on in the first place, 
 and then to get something to feed on besides this gravel. 
 What in the world is that cross doing here ? " 
 
 We alighted in order to inspect a small, wooden cross, 
 the first we had seen of its kind, henceforth so numerous 
 in this portion of Switzerland. In the wood a place had 
 been hollowed in which, covered with glass, was a rude 
 picture of the Blessed Virgin. Jim was touched most 
 tenderly by this witness of the piety and faith of one 
 who had erected this simple memorial for a credited 
 deliverance, through her agency, from some calamity. 
 
 " It's a mighty comforting thing, I suppose, for them 
 that can believe it," he said. 
 
 In the afternoon we went to see, on a rock by the 
 brooklet's side, Thorwaldsen's Lion of Lucerne, A 
 wonderful work of genius. The courage and grief ex- 
 hibited in the fall of the noble beast, in whose side 
 clings the broken spear, and the fidelity with which bis 
 huge paw covers the Lily of France were touching to 
 contemplate. A brave people ! Whether contesting for 
 hereditary rights on their own soil, or in the cause of 
 other peoples. No braver death was ever met by soldiers, 
 not even the Lacedaemonians at Thermopylae, than when 
 
two &ray Tourists. 211 
 
 the Swiss Guards fell that fatal day on the threshold of 
 the Tuilleries. 
 
 "It's about the only chance they have of showing 
 their pluck," said Jim. " They can't get out to fight 
 other people, and other people can't get in to fight them. 
 These mountains and lakes, and these rivers that run 
 like race-horses, stop such as that. Yet, they've got to 
 make a living in some sort of fashion besides tending 
 what little level land they've got, and so they hire them- 
 selves to fight other people's battles. It's a way of living 
 that would'nt suit me." 
 
 It was delicious to sit, in the cool evening, in the 
 piazza of this elegant hotel, look down the clear lake, 
 and breathe the sweet air coming up from its bosom. 
 Next morning we took an excursion upon it, leaving the 
 boat at Vitznau for the ascent of the Ehigi. We took 
 the least romantic but most comfortable and expeditious 
 route — that by the railway. Jim was intensely interested 
 in this enterprise, and, in what time we had, closely ex- 
 amined the locomotive, which, with its cog wheel under- 
 neath, revolving on the cross-teeth between the rails, 
 drew, or rather pushed, the small car up the mountain. 
 The morning was fair, and we could get all of this mag- 
 nificent view. Once a little cloud gathered, and we 
 could see the rain below, while the sun shone brightly 
 above. As we stood upon the summit, mountains with- 
 out number rose to the right, while in front, seeming 
 white as silver, lay the cities and lakes of Zurich and Zug. 
 
 After another night in this delightful town, we took 
 the steamer at the Schiveizerhof quay. Passing down 
 the Cruciform Lake, on reaching the west arm we turned 
 into it, and disembarking at Alpnach, took our places 
 in the diligence for Brienz. Slowly we ascended through 
 
2V2 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 Sarnen and along its lake to Gisneyle, halting a little at 
 the relays of horses, to look into the small side way booths, 
 and make our little purchases of woodware. More slowly 
 yet up the Kaiserstnhl to the town and Lake of Lungern. 
 
 And now for the ascent of the Brunig Pass. Out of 
 pity for the laboring horses, we alighted from the car- 
 riage andwalked ahead the greater part of the way. 
 Jim said he had seen some hills and heard of some others, 
 but that this oversized all his experience and informa- 
 tion. Such talk was between breaths, as we struggled 
 on, occasionally shying the rapidly descending vehicles. 
 The descent was delightful. The road, cut out of the 
 side of the mountain, winding along a precipice defended 
 from the abysses to our left only by a low stone fence, 
 added, from the spice of the danger, to Jim's enjoyment. 
 Our seats were on either side of the coachman. I could 
 but shudder sometimes as we trotted along the ever- 
 winding, rapidly descending way, when we would pass 
 a point where, over the narrow parapet a yard's distance 
 from the wheels, I looked down into the awful depths. 
 With my right hand I would grasp Jim's left arm when- 
 ever, on the slightest depression on my side, I almost 
 felt as if we must go over. He would smile, give the 
 coachman a wink, when the latter would flourish his 
 long whip and give it a crack that sounded like a pistol 
 over the horses. 
 
 " Oh, yes," said he, " got into trouble and you want 
 me. Care nothing about me when no danger. Danger 
 come, and it's Jim Rawls. Hold on, you need'nt blue up 
 my arm ; but hold on. I've brought you safe so far, and 
 I'll try to put you through. Gracious ! what a pretty 
 sight," he exclaimed, as the road brought us to a point 
 where we could look down upon the village of Meinrin- 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 2l3 
 
 gen and the long, narrow, fertile valley, with its crops 
 of grain, which, though near the end of July, were just 
 fading from green to yellow. 
 
 We could not linger at Brienz to inspect its wonderful 
 wood-carving works; hut, entering a little steamer, we 
 sailed (passing with reluctance the Giesbach) the full 
 length of the lake, and before sunset were at the Hotel 
 Belvedere in Interlachen. 
 
CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 NOVEL sight it was — a small village, with 
 five or six large first-class hotels, besides nu- 
 merous boarding houses— pensions, as they are 
 called. We sat in the veranda of the Belvedere, 
 where a breeze from that direction would have brought 
 to us the spray from the fountain in front that sent its 
 thin jet high into the air, while vases of flowers and 
 shrubbery were sitting in veranda, hall, and court, and 
 even on the steps of the stairs. Before us, seeming only 
 a few hundred paces through the mountain gorge, we 
 could see the ever-white tops of Alpine peaks. Of all 
 places for tired travellers, this must be the sweetest. 
 Without, the scene shone as we had never seen. Within, 
 the fresh, sharp air invigorated and exhilarated. Jim 
 said it was a pity to have to go so far from home to find 
 such sights and such enjoyments. Here, as elsewhere, 
 he made friends with the English-speaking servants. It 
 did his heart good, he said, after walking about the 
 streets and hearing so much outlandish talk to get back 
 and let himself loose in good old Georgia-talk with 
 somebody else besides me ; because, as for us, he said, we 
 had about talked out all we knew. 
 
 Of the many excursions to be taken from this central 
 place, we had to be content with one. Early on the 
 
 (214) 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 215 
 
 morrow we were in a doable-horse barouche on the way 
 to Lauterbrunnen. 
 
 "Don't she get over ground, and ain't she ashy?" 
 said Jim, as we drove along the margin of the Leits- 
 chein, almost continually crossing and recrossing it. 
 " This river, Phil, and one on the other side, have made 
 this town of Interlachen. You see, I've been studying 
 up a little geography, too. This empties the dirt on this 
 side, and the other, the Lombach, on the other, and the 
 deposits have divided what was one lake into two — the 
 one we came down yesterday, and that we are to go on 
 to-morrow." 
 
 "Tantum aevi longinqua valet mutare vetustas ; as 
 Helenus said to Ameas about Scylla and Charybdis." 
 
 " Oh, hush ! as the alligator said to the bull-frog." 
 
 "I'll do it." 
 
 Far above us we could see the goats as they felt their 
 way cautiously along the steep acclivities, and cropped 
 the thin verdure. Arriving at Lauterbrunnen, the 
 horses were unhooked and saddled. Jim, avowing his 
 recognition of the maxim, age before beauty and merit, 
 selected the one he considered the best, made me mount 
 him, mounted the other himself, and we began the ascent 
 of the Wendernalp. 
 
 " Where's your horse, my friend ? " asked he of the 
 coachman, our guide, who could not speak a word of 
 English. "There's nothing like trying 'em anyhow, 
 Phil. I generally make 'em understand me before I get 
 through." 
 
 The man smiled, pointed to his feet, and led the way. 
 
 On and on, up the weary ascent, sometimes wooded, 
 then pasture land, then sudden acclivity. We halted 
 occasionally at a little chalet to dismount and give rest 
 
216 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 to ourselves and the toiling beasts ; at other times paus- 
 ing to listen to the peasants, as, in expectation of a few 
 sous, they sang their country's airs or sounded the Al- 
 pine horn. I can never forget the first impression made 
 upon me by this instrument. The peasant had taken 
 his position beneath a lofty and rugged series of cliffs 
 projecting irregularly from the side of the mountain. 
 The echoes ascending, grew fainter and sadder, repeat- 
 ing from eminence to eminence until dying away in 
 whispers among the far heights. I have never heard, 
 sounds so solemn. One could imagine them to be sigh- 
 ings of the ghosts of the giants of olden times. 
 
 When we had been about a couple of hours on the 
 ascent, I, who was ahead, heard Jim break out into a 
 laugh and say : " You've given out, old fellow, have you ? 
 Look behind you, Phil." I turned and saw the coach- 
 man, as, having taken my horse by the tail, he suffered 
 himself to be pulled up the mountain. 
 
 "Look behind yourself," I answered, turning; and 
 there, similarly hanging to his horse, was a Swiss girl, 
 who on her left arm was carrying a basket of things she 
 had purchased at the village for the Hotel de Jung f ran, 
 on the summit. 
 
 " Good gracious me alive ! " he exclaimed, and, imme- 
 diately dismounting, said : 
 
 "My dear madam, or, most probably, miss, I can't 
 stand that. This is a man's saddle, but I can fix it for 
 you. Don't say a word," he continued, as she and the 
 guide looked wonderingly at his motions. He drew the 
 right stirrup and leather over, and was proceeding to 
 shorten the left when the girl, with a merry laugh, darted 
 on ahead. The guide roared, and then broke forth with 
 a mountain song. 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 217 
 
 " I saved my manners, anyhow," said Jim. " 1 was'nt 
 brought up to ride horses when women had to get along 
 by hanging to their tails." 
 
 About noon we reached the summit, when we dis- 
 mounted for dinner and an hour's rest at the hotel. 
 There, in full view, and apparently not further off than 
 a rifle shot, though actually more than a mile, stood the 
 Jungfrau — the Young Bride, seeming whiter in her 
 nuptial array than all her maidens, and towering above 
 them like Diana in the midst of her choir. It was un- 
 speakably beautiful. The sun was terribly bright;, so 
 much so that we had to wear our blue-glass spectacles, 
 with which we had been warned to provide ourselves. 
 As we gazed, suddenly we saw what seemed a narrow 
 drift of snow gliding rapidly down a narrow gorge. A 
 few seconds afterwards, a roar, as of a hundred cannon, 
 and we could scarcely believe the sound to come from 
 what we saw, and that it was an avalanche of thousands 
 of tons. Jim recognized in one of the waitresses the 
 girl whom he had tried to serve. She had evidently told 
 the landlady, for they both smiled graciously whenever 
 their eyes rested on him as he ate. He called for another 
 half bottle of wine and two extra glasses. The women 
 looked curiously at him as he filled them. He passed 
 one of them to the mistress, a very stout, fair woman, 
 and the other he handed to the girl. 
 
 " You see, ladies, I never was raised, as I said to my old 
 friend here, to ride a horse, especially on a bad road, 
 and see women taking it afoot. You understand ? I 
 nix (not, you know) rides, when a woman, — got — no — 
 sheval, (horse, you understand.) Here's to us four, and 
 all the pretty Swiss women and girls." 
 
 There were half dozen other guests at the table, and 
 
 19 
 
218 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 all shouted with laughter. The woman drank her glass 
 readily; the girl took hers, blushed, and looked at her 
 mistress, who signified her wish for her to join in the 
 toast. She did so amidst much tittering and pretended 
 reluctance. As we mounted our horses before the door, 
 Jim, looking towards the Jungfrau, asked the hostess if 
 she could 'nt get up just one more avalanche for a couple 
 of old fellows who could never expect to be back there 
 an)' more. She shook her head laughingly. 
 
 "Nix?" said he. "Well, good-bye," and with adieu 
 on both sides we commenced the descent. 
 
 " Did ? nt you see they understood me ? If you'll put 
 the English to 'em slow and distinct as I do, you don't 
 want but a few r of their words to make 'em understand 
 you. I have'nt got but two of 'em yet, nix and slieval, 
 and you see what I made out of them. Give me about 
 two dozen of 'em, and I can go through the whole 
 country by myself. Of course, I should count on be- 
 having myself like everybody, specially when they're 
 away from home, ought to be expected to do. Well, 
 she's a nice woman and keeps a good hotel away up here 
 in the clouds." 
 
 As we descended, we encountered other peasants on 
 the margin of the path who sang for our entertainment. 
 Once, while we were walking along (for the way had 
 now become so precipitous that this was less fatiguing 
 then riding), Ave saw ahead of us two children, hatless 
 and shoeless, a boy and a girl, neither of whom could 
 have been more than six years old. They stood erect 
 and still, side by side just out of the path, with their 
 earnest little faces turned towards us as we neared them. 
 
 "Why what upon the creation of the earth," said Jim, 
 "are those little chaps doing away up here by them- 
 selves ? Hello little folks, where's your ma ? " 
 
TWO GKAY TOUKISTS. 219 
 
 Immediately they began to sing, the girl first, and 
 the boy second soprano. A plaintive little song it was, 
 and the sweetest my ears had ever listened to. My dear 
 old Jim first stopped in amazement. He then walked 
 on to where the singers were standing, and after look- 
 ing at them for a few moments, sat down upon the green 
 bank, took out his pocket handkerchief, and wept and 
 sobbed. My eyes filled in sympathy. The guide, pleased 
 with our appreciation, allowed us to wait for them to 
 repeat their song. Jim rose, when it was over, and laid 
 his hands softly on their bare heads. 
 
 "God Almighty bless you my children! I never 
 heard such music before. If I had'nt seen you, I'd 
 have thought it was angels. You don't know how much 
 good you've done me. I know you are good children. 
 You could'nt sing that way, and make me cry so if you 
 were'nt. I bid you good-bye now. Keep on being good, 
 and always mind what your ma tells you, and don't get 
 bad as you grow big. Take this, and buy yourselves a 
 hat and bonnet, and a pair of shoes apiece. I wish I 
 could afford to give you more." 
 
 He filled their hands with coins, and for the first 
 time since we had left home, made me add to what I 
 had given at first. 
 
 "Give to 'em freely, Phil. You're never going to 
 lose by what you give to such as them.'' 
 
 The children looked almost frightened by the dosses 
 sion of so much money. 
 
 " Good-bye now, and remember what 1 told you, and 
 especially mind what your ma tells you. I never felt 
 in all my life-time, Phil, as I did then," he continued 
 after we had parted from them " I did'nt want to try 
 even, to keep from crying. I don't know what their 
 
220 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 little song was about; but I tell you that it sounded 
 to me, away up here, as if it was two angels singing 
 the praise of God." 
 
 He would not even listen to either of the two other 
 bands of larger singers that we afterwards encountered, 
 but, throwing pieces of money to them, hastened his 
 gait, saying: 
 
 "No, my friends, T don't care about any more music 
 to-day. I don't want that I heard further up the hill 
 put out of my mind." 
 
 We reached the foot of the mountain at the village of 
 Grindenwald, where we found our barouche that a friend 
 of the guide had brought around the mountain. " The 
 idea of charging for ice here," said Jim, as, while the 
 horses were being put to the carriage, we were refresh- 
 ing ourselves at a hotel with a bottle of champagne. 
 "Why there's the ice growing in three hundred yards 
 of the house, and more plentiful than food for their 
 cattle."' 
 
 It did seem strange, for the glaciers extended almost 
 to within the village. As we drove rapidly out, we met 
 the goats coming in from the mountains, the udders of 
 many of them almost touching the ground. On the way 
 back, we halted a few moments at a bridge of the 
 Lutchen, and for a franc obtained a view of a couple of 
 chamois which were kept on exhibition to tourists in a 
 small covered pen. 
 
 "Ah, well," said Jim, looking at the doe. You've 
 got the finest pair of eyes I ever saw except one. Its 
 curious, Phil, that this little deer or goat — whatever it 
 is ; should so forcibly remind me of Emily. But do 
 you know, sir? It was at old man Sereno Taylor's 
 examination, the first time I saw her, and immediately 
 
TWO GEAY TOUJRISTS. 221 
 
 fell head and ears in love with her. She came out and 
 sung that song. Somehow, it come down on me perpen- 
 dicular, like a gate-post, as Mose Grice used to say, and 
 then he broke forth with — 
 
 Oh, the wild chamois track at the breaking of day. 
 
 The frightened doe ran into a corner of the pen, and 
 her fawn crouched beneath her. 
 
 " They don't seem to be very fond of music," said 
 Jim. 
 
 " Maybe they object to the kind." 
 
 " Very probable, but its the best they can get from 
 this crowd. Don't be scared, you little beauty, I could'nt 
 hurt anything that had eyes like them. Good-bye to 
 you, and your baby." 
 
 " Were you ever much addicted to singing, Jim ? " 
 
 " None to hurt. But Emily used to say I had a very 
 good voice. How did you like the stave I just now 
 tried?" 
 
 " You saw some of its effects." 
 
 We dashed along the smooth, ever-winding road, the 
 horses, whether stimulated by Jim's merriment or anx- 
 ious to reach their stalls, pulling hard at their bits. 
 The night came on, and we began to see bright lights 
 high up among the mountains. It was the vigil of one 
 of the saints, and the peasants were paying honor to the 
 coming morrow. 
 
 "A more religious people, Phil, these than our people, 
 or the English. What they believe, they believe with- 
 out any doubt, and try to practice it ; and when they 
 don't, they blame nobody but themselves. I did'nt think 
 it was so, but it is." 
 
 An hour after dark we arrived in the village. As we 
 
 19* 
 
222 TWO GEAY TOUEISTS. 
 
 dashed through the streets, the coachman warned, by 
 the continued cracking of his whip, the foot passengers 
 to get out of the way. After tea we strolled for a short 
 time on the Cursaal, listened to the band, then went 
 early to bed. Next morning Jim declared that he had 
 never had a sweeter night's rest, not even in his own bed 
 at home. Those little children, singing away up there 
 on the mountain, kept him awake awhile, and afterwards 
 he went to sleep, feeling as sure as if he had been there 
 to see, that his wife and children were safe in the protec- 
 tion of the Almighty. 
 
 Leaving this sweet village, we took the short railroad 
 with its double-decker car over the narrow peninsular, 
 and embarked on the steamer Beatus at the southeastern 
 extremity of Lake Thun. 
 
 "An outlandish name for a boat — Beahis." 
 
 "It is from the St. Beatns, who dwelt in the cave 
 yonder on the side of the lake." 
 
 " What did he live there for ? Why not in a house 
 like other folks?" 
 
 " Because he desired to devote his life exclusively to 
 religion." 
 
 " Oould'nt he do that without going to live in a hole 
 in the ground ? " 
 
 "At least he thought he could not, except by remov- 
 ing himself entirely from mankind. Many hundreds in 
 the annals of the Church have done the same." 
 
 "How did he manage to live there? It must have 
 been a tolerably economical establishment?" 
 
 "His drink was the water of the lake, and his bread 
 the fruits and the herbs that he could find near by, be- 
 sides what the people around, who knew of his where- 
 abouts and character, would bring to him." 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 226 
 
 " Tell me, Phil, why so many towns in this country 
 are called by the names of saints ? " 
 
 "The towns so named sprang from the various saints 
 who, like Peatus, retired from the society of mankind 
 and fixed their habitations in the forests or in the 
 marshes. The reputation of their sanctity, their chari- 
 ties and the wonderful things they did drew multitudes 
 from far, and these settling there, the towns which grew 
 up they named after them." 
 
 "Their charities! I thought they were poor, and 
 lived on water and blackberries. I don't see how they 
 could do anything at charity, when they had no smoke- 
 house and nothing to put in it if they had." 
 
 "A man need not have full barns and store-houses 
 to be charitable. These monks managed very well. 
 Among other ways, was this : the rich who were pious 
 sent them the means to be dispensed to the poor. Then 
 they taught the latter how to till the land and enrich 
 it. The very richest tracts of country in France to-day, 
 are those which lie near where the old monasteries 
 stood, six and eight hundred years ago. You know, 
 Jim, from your own observation, and your own experi- 
 ence, that when a man really wants to be charitable, 
 somehow the means for his purpose come to him." 
 
 "Fact. The Bible says that whoever gives to the 
 poor, lends to God, and He will pay at usurious interest, 
 or words to that effect. But see yonder ; would a fellow 
 ever wish to find a sweeter place to live at than that ? " 
 
 We were at the end of the little lake. The spot was 
 most beautiful ; on the narrow tongue of land, an exquis- 
 ite chateau, surrounded by flowers and shrubbery, stood 
 almost immediately on the banks, from whose veranda 
 was a full view of the green waters and the mountains. 
 
224 TWO GEAY TOUKISTS. 
 
 We at once took the train. Halting at Berne only for 
 the purpose of dining at the station restaurant, we 
 travelled along through Fribourg and Lausanne, reached 
 Geneva at night-fall, and stopped at the Hotel cle UEcu. 
 Our chamber was on the third floor, immediately over 
 the Ehone where it rushes out of Lake Leman. As we 
 sat there at night, looking out of the window upon the 
 rapid waters and the numerous laundry-houses in their 
 midst, we had some talk on the subject of the classics. 
 
 "Jim," said I y "you did'nt seem very fresh about the 
 Munatius Plancus of Horace ; but you need not tell me 
 that you've forgotten what Caesar says about Geneva 
 and the Rhone." 
 
 " Goodness ! where I got one whipping about Horace, 
 I got three about Caesar. What was all that about old 
 Orgetorix, and Dumnorix, and Diviticus ? " 
 
 " Divitiacus, you mean ? " 
 
 "Divy — something, and those old Allobroges, and 
 Tulingians and Bellovaccians, and all those old fellows ? 
 We've come up with 'em at last, have we ? Old man 
 Hodge never could poke 'em into my head. I never 
 could get 'em right and find out which was which. I 
 knew some of 'em wanted to cross over somewhere, and 
 that the rest of 'em were against it, and they were 
 about a year disputing about it, and blamed if I ever 
 found out whether they got over or not, or who wanted to 
 go and who did'nt, or where they wanted to go away 
 from and where to; only I remember there was a sight 
 of rivers, and lakes, and mountains in the way, which it 
 is very plain now to see was a fact. But I know that 
 Csesar astonished everybody by building a bridge in a 
 mighty quick time over or.e of 'em; and if I was to 
 live a hundred years I should'nt forget the whipping I 
 
TWO GKA.Y TOURISTS. 225 
 
 got about that. Ah ! that was a bridge, Phil, as was a 
 bridge. None of your pontoons. But /could'nt cross 
 it by myself. I should have stayed over on this side if old 
 man Hodge had let me. But that old fellow killed him- 
 self, did'nt he ? Old Orgetorix, I mean." 
 
 " So it was supposed. You remember, Nee abest sus- 
 picio, ut Helvetii arbitrantur, quin ipse sibi mortem con- 
 seiverit" 
 
 " Just about that, if I don't disremember. Consider- 
 ing how I was handled by old man Hodge all along in 
 there, it seemed to me that I was to be made responsible 
 for putting the fellow up to it, and would be made to 
 follow him on — 
 
 Into the dark and silent grave, 
 "Where there's nothing else to crave. 
 
 That's from the Ohoopie poet. And this is my same old 
 Geneva, is it ? " 
 
 "It is. That bridge yonder over which we drove this 
 afternoon in the omnibus, stands about where the Hel- 
 vetians tried first to cross over to the Allobroges. Over 
 there is Jura, that altissimus mons, which you surely 
 have not forgotten ? " 
 
 "Forget him! Some things I might forget, Phile- 
 mon, but him, never. I rather think I liked him better 
 than the rest of 'era. He did'nt have to be crossed by 
 any bridge, you know. You might sorter get around 
 him. Oh, yes, he was a right clever old fellow, was old 
 Jury. I — I remember him, Philip." 
 
 " Oh, Jim Bawls, Jim Eawls ! " 
 
 Coming from anybody else but him. I might have been 
 somewhat annoyed by such ignoring of the suggestions 
 which the visitations to these classic grounds raised in 
 
226 TWO Gil AY TOURISTS. 
 
 my mind. Quotations from the Be Bello Oallico of 
 Caesar were constantly rising to my lips, and I could 
 but think it was most opportune to give them utterance. 
 But my old friend insisted — to use his own phrase — that 
 he could'nt stand it; and so I held them back, except 
 the few that would break out of their own motion. Yet 
 I must admit that for my disappointment in this behalf, 
 he compensated many fold in all other respects. 
 
CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 'LL bet you a cigar," said Jim, next morning, 
 as we started on a sail up the lake, " that you 
 don't know why this steamer is named Bonni- 
 vard?" 
 
 " Bonnivard ? Bonnivard ? I ought to know, but I've 
 forgotten." 
 
 " Oh, yes, you ought to know and don't. Well, sir, 
 that's the Prisoner of Chillon. Know how I found out ?" 
 
 " From your reading up, of course." 
 
 "I did'nt. That old gray-headed Englishman told 
 me so just now. You see, my information costs less than 
 yours. We can't go to the castle to-day ; but we can see 
 with our glasses about where it is, as we cross over from 
 Evian to Lausanne." 
 
 A pleasant sail, with Ferney to our left not far off, and 
 on the banks the Rothschild's palace, the chateaus of Sir 
 Robert Peel and the Empress Josephine, and the towns 
 of Nyon and Rosse, with the fair Pays de Vaud, and to 
 our right Yvoire, Thonon, Evian, the rugged Savoy, 
 and the Canton Chablais. 
 
 " See what a difference, Phil, a little body of water 
 makes between the people who live on opposite sides. Over 
 to the left, they are agricultural and easy-going in their 
 motions. That is a rich country, with its wine and 
 small grain. To the right, they live mostly by lumber 
 
 (227) 
 
228 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 business. See that barge of logs yonder ; that has just 
 come out of the mouth of the river Dranse, by which 
 they were floated into the lake. They were cut last fall. 
 They are a harder- working people over on this side* But 
 don't they know something about making their towns 
 comfortable ? Just look at those women and children 
 yonder sitting along the quay under the chestnut trees." 
 
 This last remark was made just as we were approach- 
 ing the village of Evian. Women of all conditions were 
 sitting upon benches beneath the trees, which, almost to 
 the water's edge, lined the semicircular quay — some with 
 their sewing and knitting, some reading, others chatting, 
 while the children ran or were drawn by their nurses in 
 carriages in the shade. As we passed across from this 
 village to Ouchy, the port of Lausanne, we raised our 
 glasses and looked towards the head of the lake and 
 called to mind how Byron, in the little village before us, 
 where he was detained by foul weather, had immortal- 
 ized one of the prisoners in that gloomy castle. What 
 anguish has been suffered behind those stones! Bur- 
 gundians and Savoyards, not to mention the massacre, at 
 one time, of those twelve hundred Israelites who had 
 been so madly charged with the design to poison all the 
 fountains of Europe. We lingered at Ouchy only long 
 enough to meet the downward bound steamer, WinJcel- 
 ried. Of the individual objects seen in this excursion, 
 Jim was most interested in the chateau of Josephine. 
 
 "A big man! A mighty big man. But that was 
 where Napoleon made his grand mistake. He was so 
 big that he thought he could get around God Almighty's 
 laws and put away his wife. That's what He don't allow. 
 What He has joined together man better not put asunder. 
 What surprises me, is that anybody should ever want to 
 try it." 
 
TWO GEAY TOUKISTS. 229 
 
 " Every man has not an Emily Todd, yon know, Jim." 
 
 " Yon are right there certain, old man ; but my opinion 
 is, that any man and woman can get along together if 
 they'll both start right and keep on right." 
 
 "There was no special domestic unhappiness with 
 Napoleon and Josephine." 
 
 " No ; and that made it the meaner and less to God 
 Almighty's liking. And yon see right there was where 
 He raised His ringer. There ain't any telling where 
 Nap would have gone but for that. But he never saw 
 the finger, you know, and so the ground gave way 
 before him on a sudden, and he went on down hill until 
 he got to the bottom. She lived on and on until he was 
 down, and then she died. She was a true lady, Jose- 
 phine was. She never made any fuss about it. She let 
 him have his way. She knew, though, who was on her 
 side, and that it would win some time or another, and in 
 some way or another." 
 
 In the evening we rode about the town, and later 
 strolled along the gardens and the quay. Once, when 
 we were on the bridge, we met a man who was intoxi- 
 cated. It was the only instance of the kind we saw 
 south of the Channel. Jim remarked how curious it was 
 that we had not seen but this case in a country where 
 people, rich and poor, never sit down to eat without 
 drinking. I replied that there was a nut for the liquor- 
 prohibitionists of our country to crack. It did cer- 
 tainly seem that where wine was used as food, there 
 was little intoxication, and that better than legislation 
 in non- wine -growing countries would be the abundant 
 planting of the grape. 
 
 " I have come to believe it," replied Jim. " People 
 will drink. They may join temperance societies and hold 
 
 20 
 
230 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 off for a time, but they'll break over after a while, giving 
 as excuse that their president got drunk first, or their 
 treasurer stole their money and run away, or something 
 else, and then they'll make up for lost time. I've seen 
 often, Phil, that the very fact of taking a pledge made 
 people want whiskey worse than before. And then some- 
 times, all of a sudden, some of 'em go to getting sickly — 
 have a bad cold or a bronchial affection (that's the biggest 
 and longest- lasting disease), and then they have to take 
 a little for medicine, and so here they go. My notion is, 
 better leave such things with everybody himself. Let 
 him male a man of himself if it's in him, and if it ain't, 
 let him be a beast, and be treated as one, and not punish 
 the one that sold the liquor. The law in our country 
 seems to be always after the wrong fellow. It's after the 
 whiskey seller, when it ought to be after the whiskey 
 drinker." 
 
 After some discussion, we concluded to give three 
 days of the time we had set apart for Paris to an excur- 
 sion to Chamouni. 
 
 Bright and early next day we were in the diligence, 
 Jim sitting between the coachman and one of the pro- 
 prietors of the line, who, or one of whose partners, we 
 ascertained, accompanied every travel to and fro, for the 
 better security of all. I took the first front seat. Soon 
 we had crossed the Foron, and were trotting gayly along 
 in Savoy. Jim was interested in the manner of hooking 
 up the team of five horses (the three in front abreast), 
 and the dexterous use of the driver's whip. He noticed, 
 he said, that the dullest horse at every relay was placed 
 in the middle, and he called my attention to how the 
 driver gave this particular beast occasionally a gentle 
 caution, as he called it. "With an execration, and with- 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 231 
 
 out a movement of any portion of his body, except his 
 long, slender, wiry arm, he raised his whip, described 
 with the long lash several curious rotary motions, and 
 then, as he lifted suddenly the staff high in the air, the 
 end of the lash flew with the rapidity of an arrow under- 
 neath but not touching the off-horse, and cut the flank 
 of the dullard, sounding as if it had penetrated deeply 
 into the flesh. It would be long before he would require 
 another "caution." 
 
 Though there was much of the picturesque in the 
 country through which we passed, along by Bonneville, 
 Cluses, Sallance, and Ouches, we had become too familiar 
 with such and finer views to be very much interested. 
 We reached Chamouni {Hotel des Alpes) in time to take, 
 before dark, a hurried excursion to the Glacier Bossons. 
 As we toiled up the ascent, Jim was amused greatly 
 when I would pause behind to recover my breath and 
 mop my face with my handkerchief. 
 
 " Living in town on books and the other luxuries don't 
 get a fellow up for this sort of exercise, eh, old gentle- 
 man ? " 
 
 He had already gotten upon good terms with the 
 guide, although the latter could not speak English, and 
 Jim's own vocabulary of foreign words was yet quite on 
 this side of his adequate two dozen. The guide smiled 
 at the raillery upon myself, though he patiently waited 
 until I could rest and renew the ascent. Jim would 
 call to him, point back over his shoulder, and say: 
 
 "Sheval. Ee want she val. Ee — not (nix) use — walk 
 — much. Oui ? " 
 
 "Oh, oui, monsieur," the good fellow would answer 
 and lead slowly on. 
 
 " Slow and distinct, Phil, you see, with a few gestures 
 
232 TWO GBAY TOUEISTS. 
 
 flung in to help. They understand me about as well as 
 they do you with what French you've got." 
 
 Arrived at the point whence we were to make the pas- 
 sage, two boys presented themselves with what we took 
 to be a couple of pairs of spurs. 
 
 "What in the name of thunder are you going to do 
 with them. spurs, my little chaps?" 
 
 The boys looked strangely at him and interrogatively 
 at the guide, who informed me for what they were 
 intended. 
 
 " They are creepers, Jim," said I. 
 
 " Creepers ! Well, I've heard of creepers ; but these 
 here ain't the sort we have in Georgia. What are they 
 for?" 
 
 " To walk with upon the ice ; if we go to slipping 
 about here we may not be able to stop under half a mile." 
 
 " We live and learn. Fetch along your creepers, my 
 little fellows." 
 
 They buckled them on, and we sallied forth. Though, 
 compared with the Mer de Glace, this is an inconsider- 
 able glacier, yet it was wonderful to us, as we walked 
 carefully along and looked upward and downward upon 
 the strange spectacle. Soon we came to a point where 
 the glacier suddenly ascended somewhat, and the guide 
 stood before an open door cut in the ice, through which 
 we could see a passage lighted with lamps. "Le Grotto" 
 he said, and went in, we following. The passage wound 
 around and around, and with the strangely colored lights 
 became more and more dismal and sepulchral. 
 
 "Look here, old fellow," said Jim to the guide, "how 
 long before we get out of this concern ? " 
 
 The man smiled, continued to advance, and in three 
 or four minutes we emerged through another door. 
 
TWO QUAY TOURISTS 233 
 
 On the following morning we were on the backs of 
 mules to ascend the Montanvert. 
 
 "No choice of nags here, Phil. A mule's a mule. 
 Do you call him a sheval, too? Take whichever you 
 fancy. That's why they use mules, you see," he went 
 on, when we found we were on a narrower, steeper path 
 than that over the Wengernalp. " Look how steady and 
 solid they come down with their feet." 
 
 By this time we had become quite used to foot travel- 
 ling by holding on to the tails of the beasts. Jim said 
 a Georgia mule would'nt stand that ; however, these fel- 
 lows, he supposed, had'nt any purchase to kick. Ar- 
 rived at the point of crossing the Mer de Glace, besides 
 the creepers, we had provided ourselves with a staff 
 apiece about six feet long and armed with a sharp, iron 
 point o for there are places on that wonderful road where 
 one needs three legs and the utmost caution in their 
 employment. The boys who had shod our heels ad- 
 vanced with hatchets and chopped, in especially narrow 
 and dangerous places, notches in the ice for our feet to 
 tread in greater security. We travelled very slowly, 
 partly to avoid with extremest care the bottomless 
 chasms, and partly to view the sublime scene. The 
 rugged mountains far, far higher up above our heads, 
 and this sea of eternal ice extending far away down and 
 up the mountain gorge, hundreds of feet in thickness, 
 the edges piled with huge masses of earth and rocks 
 and stones that in the lapse of time had broken off from 
 the mountains' sides and become fastened among the 
 immovable glaciers, the huge chasms to our right and 
 left, sometimes with a pass between of only a few inches; 
 these were awful, but they were thrillingly interesting 
 to see. I am quite sure I should have returned by the 
 20* 
 
234 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 same route had I known of what sort was the celebrated 
 Mayvais pus of which I had read, but of which I was 
 afterwards surprised to hear tourists speaking as if it 
 was not greatly to be dreaded. I have never thought of 
 it since without some shuddering. 
 
 "You go ahead, Phil, next to the guide, I'll follow 
 right on behind. All right, old fellow. Lively times, 
 ain't they ? " 
 
 I looked ahead. A mountain rising almost perpen- 
 dicularly above me on the side of which I must walk on 
 narrow steps cut into and running spirally for apparently 
 six or eight hundred feet over a chasm down which I 
 dare not look ! How anyone could ever make this pass- 
 age before the iron railing was fastened against the 
 mountain, is beyond my understanding. Without it, I 
 am confident I should have been lost. As it was, hang- 
 ing with my left hand to the guide's right, I pulled my- 
 self slowly along with my right upon the railing. An 
 occasional word from Jim, as if there was nothing espe- 
 cially remarkable in the situation, and the perfect cool- 
 ness of the guide were of inexpressible value to me. 
 "When we reached the firm landing at last, on a small 
 plain of the Flegere, where the little house called the 
 Chapeau is situated, I sank down upon the ground ex- 
 hausted. I had scarcely done so, when Jim brought to 
 me a glass of brandy and soda. 
 
 " Speaking of groceries, and of their ' loose and lucid 
 ways,' as Jack Moss used to say, it's a fine thing that 
 there ain't any law against getting a drink here. If 
 ever I saw a fellow who needed one it's you at this minute. 
 You've seen her one time, Phil, have'nt you ? " 
 
 "One time, Jim, one lime." 
 
 He told me afterwards, that although he had felt a 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 235 
 
 little ticklish at first, he lost all personal apprehension 
 in the sight of my condition, and that I should not be 
 more pale when dead. After purchasing at the Chapecm 
 a few trinkets which had been made ostensibly from the 
 various minerals in the mountains, we mounted our 
 mules that had been brought around, and descended the 
 Flegere. On the way we met other tourists who were 
 making the excursion in the reversed direction. As we 
 approached the narrowest point of one of the ledges, 
 where the path was not more than four feet wide, I had 
 occasion to notice the sagacity of the mule. The fore- 
 most of our party met there the foremost of another, 
 who was a lady. The mule that bore her stopped as he 
 met the descending one, and leaned himself closely 
 against the side of the mountain, and the others in his 
 train followed his example until all of ours had passed, 
 after which they straightened themselves and went on 
 toiling upwards. 
 
 " That's what I call sense," said Jim. 
 
 The return to Geneva being a descent all the way, was 
 shorter by several hours than the previous travel. It 
 was an exalted enjoyment to sit on the lumbering dili- 
 gence and travel down a spiral declivity of over forty 
 miles, alternately on the sides of high mountains, and 
 in ever descending fertile valleys. Early in the after- 
 noon, we drove at a sweeping trot into Geneva, and had 
 ample time to visit the jewelry stores, in one of which 
 (Berguer et Fils) Jim had bargained for a watch for 
 his wife and some trinkets for his children. 
 
 "How do you think Emily will like it, Phil?" said 
 he, holding up a beautifully-enameled watch and chain. 
 
 " She'll be delighted, I am sure." 
 
 " She told me not to spend any money on her account," 
 
236 TWO GHAY TOUEISTS. 
 
 "Why do you do it then?" 
 
 " Laws, Phil ! Don't you understand women better 
 than that? She just said that to keep me from spend- 
 ing too much. She knew that I should'nt think of 
 going back without carrying some present to her, and 
 she'd be disappointed if I did'nt. All women are like 
 old Judge Dooly's wife, some more and some less. The 
 old judge, who was a wild old fellow, you know, used to 
 say that when he stayed away a long time on one of his 
 frolics, and expected a scolding at home, he took pains 
 to carry to his wife a new set of chainy. He always 
 would call china, chainy" 
 
 Our route northward took us along through the centre 
 of the province of Ain, so variously picturesque, with 
 its mountains in the east, its lakes and meadow lands in 
 the west, passing into Saone-et-Loire near its capital 
 city, Macon, and along the beautiful banks of the Saone 
 river to Chalons, and thence into the Cote D'Or. 
 
 "This town looks as if it had been here for some 
 time," said Jim, as we reached Chalons, while the train 
 halted for some minutes as others, laden mostly with 
 with wine-casks, were slowly moving up and down in 
 the change of switches. 
 
 "This is the Caballinum of the Aedui. Your old 
 friend Dumnorix used to cut a high figure all through 
 this country. Just here, also, was one of Caesar's gran- 
 aries." 
 
 Travelling over the Cote D'Or, we had fine views of 
 the rich vineyards, which the Burgundy wines, the 
 Yqem, Vougeot, Chambertin, and others made famous. 
 The afternoon at Dijon we spent in strolling about the 
 ancient capital, the semicircular palace of the Dukes of 
 Burgundy, now degenerated into a town-hall and mu- 
 seum, and the environs, which are very pleasing. 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 237 
 
 " More old walls," remarked Jim ; " but then they 
 leave room for the town to grow some, not like them at 
 old Chester. Then these ramparts, with their nice 
 shade trees, make walking here delightful. Another 
 thing: a fellow can always tell where he is." 
 
 What we had done seldom hitherto, for lack of time, 
 we dined at the table d'hote. We noticed that by each 
 person's plate a quart bottle of Burgundy was set. Few 
 of the guests called for more ; yet scarcely one, even of 
 the young men, failed to consume his bottle. We had 
 both gotten to prefer the red wine to the white. That 
 night we purchased for a trifling sum in one of the 
 shops a bottle of Chambertin to help out onr morrow's 
 lunch. At about ten o'clock next morning, we were 
 again en route for Paris. 
 
 "Ain't it a comfort, Phil, to have our faces turned 
 towards home once more ? I did'nt let you know it, but 
 I felt mighty homesick as we started on that long jour- 
 ney to Ohamouni. I begin to breathe freer with my 
 face turned in this direction. I'm grudging every mile 
 now between me and old Georgia." 
 
 We were in fine health and mood, with a plenty of 
 what was good to eat, and drink, and smoke, on the 
 express that flew along in the direction of home. On 
 either side, as we looked from the windows of our coupe, 
 the cornfields and vineyards smiled in the sunlight, and 
 the laborers busily plied their hands or followed their 
 teams. My old friend, now grown, if possible, more 
 dear than ever, ran on in his alternations of serious and 
 sportive conversation, now remarking on the culture 
 and crops, and general productions of the country, 
 and how they differed from our own, now with affec- 
 tionate railing at me for some new evidence of absent- 
 
238 TWO GKAY TOUBISTS. 
 
 mindedness or want of interest in present states of 
 things, and now with tender allusions to our best 
 beloved, from whom we had received at Geneva cheerful 
 tidings, winding up with words of gratitude to Provi- 
 dence who had taken care of all in the period of sepa- 
 ration. At Sens, in the province of Yonne, I had some- 
 thing to say about the Senones Gauls, from whom the 
 city derived its name, their achievements under Bren- 
 nus, and their final overthrow under Dolabella. 
 
 "That what makes you look so old, Phil. You are 
 always studying about old things, old people, old towns, 
 and old walls. Sometimes I think, from the way you 
 make 'em last you, that you rather have an old hat or 
 an old horse than new. It ain't because you're stingy — 
 because there ain't a stingy bone in you — but because 
 they are old. You've been so all your life. And, 
 speaking of old things," he continued, rising, and taking 
 down the basket, "let's try a little of this old wine. 
 Of all the old things in this country that's the one that 
 suits my fancy the most." 
 
 The westward bound travel, the choice lunch, the 
 Chambertin, the glorious day, the sweet valleys and 
 hillsides along the Yonne and the Seine, all gave to us 
 good appetites and spirits, and then we chatted and 
 smoked, and smoked and chatted in the full enjoyment 
 of all we saw. 
 
 "Oh, Jim!" I exclaimed once, when he had been 
 running over with the heartiest talk, "you are a glorious 
 old trump of a fellow. How could I ever have taken 
 this journey with anybody but you ? " 
 
 " Hello ! You breaking out in a fresh place all of a 
 sudden? Nonsense," and he went on to remarking 
 how, now that we were in Seine-et-Marne, the vineyards 
 
TWO GKAY TOUKISTS. 239 
 
 were becoming less frequent, and pasture lands and 
 cattle more abundant. When we had passed Fontaine- 
 bleau, the train seemed to be endeavoring to rival the 
 wind as it sped along the Seine. The splendid city rose 
 to our view for many miles before reaching it, and our 
 hearts beat quicker as we drew nearer and nearer. 
 
CHAPTER XIX, 
 
 LTHOUGH it was late in the afternoon when 
 I we reached Paris, in spite of the long day's 
 travel, we set ou«t for a walk after tea. Taking 
 irp the Eue Kivoli, on which, opposite the 
 Gardens of the Tnilleries, was our hotel (the Menrice),we 
 soon reached the Place de la Concorde. The myriads of 
 lights rendered this as well as the Champs Elysses almost 
 as bright as the day. As we walked along, lingering 
 occasionally at one of the Cafees Chantants and mingled 
 among the thousands of passengers on foot, on horse- 
 back, in carriages with lanterns, returning from or ad- 
 vancing towards the Arc of Triomph, and heard the 
 bands of music and the singing girls, we thought how 
 inadequate had been any descriptions that we had ever 
 seen or heard to give even an approximation to a just 
 idea of this the most splendid avenue of the world. Jim 
 had little to say at first. The theme seemed too vast for 
 him, somehow. 
 
 "This is the place, Phil," said he at length, "where 
 they had that cussed gulletin, this Place de la Concorde, 
 as they call it." 
 
 " Guillotine, Jim, guillotine." 
 
 " I thought it was gulletin. I know it went through 
 a fellow's gullet in a jiffey." 
 
 (240) 
 
TWO GRAY TOUEISTS. 241 
 
 "You did'nt think any such thing. How gay, and 
 how unlike the bloody scenes that have been enacted 
 upon this spot, now so ineffably beautiful, during the 
 hundred years from the frightful though unintentional 
 slaughter of the crowds at the nuptials of Louis XVI to 
 the battle with the Communists not long ago! How 
 many of the illustrious of earth, men and women, cleric 
 and lay, orators, poets, warriors, statesmen, Jacobin and 
 Gironde, have poured out their blood here ! " 
 
 " Everybody's got their time, you know, Phil. Yon- 
 der's something old enough for you, I take it — that 
 Egyptian pillar. Fifteen hundred years before our 
 Saviour. It's the handsomest old thing I've seen yet." 
 
 Next morning being Sunday, he said he would like 
 the best in the world to be able to go to a regular old- 
 fashioned Georgia meeting, and hear some good old- 
 fashioned solid singing and preaching from a regular 
 stated preacher. Sundays made him realize, more than 
 any other days, that he was away from home. 
 
 "Not that I'm so very fond of going to church, for I 
 ain't half as much so as I ought to be ; but somehow I 
 feel the necessity of such things over here more than I 
 do at home." 
 
 He got his Bible, went to his room, and after remain- 
 ing there for about an hour returned and was as cheer- 
 ful as ever. Again we sallied out on the same route as 
 the previous night, continuing our walk to the Arc de 
 Triomph, and, returning on the southern side of the 
 Champs Elysses, entered the Tuilleries Gardens. At 
 every few paces wherever we went there were small 
 booths, in which wine and confections were exposed for 
 sale. Beneath the trees in the gardens boys and youn^ 
 men were playing at foot-ball and other sports. 
 21 
 
242 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 "Ain't this a niee way of spending Sunday ? Every 
 man, woman and child in the town, it seems to me, is on 
 the streets. Don't anybody here ever go to meeting of a 
 Sunday?" 
 
 "Yes, more than those of any town of its size in the 
 world. These people you see, the most of them, have 
 been to church already, some two, some three, and some 
 as many as five hours ago." 
 
 " You don't mean to tell me so ? " 
 
 " Yes, indeed. Don't you remember what you saw in 
 Cologne ? By this time four-fifths at least of the relig- 
 ious services are over for the day, except for Vespers in 
 some of the churches this afternoon, and the people are 
 eut to spend the rest of the day in relaxation. The 
 churches have been opened ever since before five o'clock 
 this morning." 
 
 "Well, well. I don't think about such things as I 
 used to — that is, not exactly. Our people make some 
 mistakes, in my opinion, about keeping Sunday. But 
 over here they carry it too far 'tother way, it seems to 
 me. There's reason in everything. All this here, Phil, 
 looks to me just like a regular Fourth of July instead 
 of a Sunday. However, it's none of my business. I 
 did'nt suppose any of these out here had thought about 
 going to meeting to-day. Curious people. But they 
 go in strong for what they go in for at all — peace or 
 war, work or play. It's fight or play with them, which- 
 ever anybody chooses to have. Gracious! did'nt that 
 fellow make a good strike with that ball ! Some of 'em 
 play like, as we say in Georgia, they been playing of 
 Sundays, sure enough." 
 
 Alternately sitting or standing or moving among the 
 gay throngs in these lovely gardens, our senses reeled 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 248 
 
 with the strange multifold sights. But for Jim's occa- 
 sional homely remarks, I might have suspected myself 
 to have been dreaming of the scenes of enchantment 
 which I had been so fond of reading about in childhood. 
 In the afternoon we walked down the Rue Castiglione to 
 the Place Vendome. Turning into the Rue des Capu- 
 chins, we reached the Boulevard Madeleine that led us 
 to the great temple. We sat on a bench beneath one of 
 the trees in the Place and looked up towards this the 
 finest specimen of Greek architecture now in the world. 
 
 " I give it up. It beats everything in that line I've 
 seen yet." 
 
 "A proper memorial to the saint." 
 
 "What saint?" 
 
 " St. Mary Magdalen." 
 
 "Is that so?" 
 
 " Yes, indeed. She is the favorite of the female saints 
 with the French. She died in France, you know." 
 
 " No, I did'nt know any such thing. I supposed she 
 died about Bethany, where she used to live." 
 
 "No. After the crucifixion she removed with her 
 brother Lazarus to France and spent the remainder of 
 her life, which was over thirty years, in the neighbor- 
 hood of Marseilles. Some of her relics are in this 
 church." 
 
 "You don't mean that Mary Magdalen and Lazarus' 
 sister Mary were the same person ? " 
 
 "I do.*' 
 
 " That's news to me. What do they keep relics of her 
 here for?" 
 
 " Why do you keep the lock of your mother's hair ? " 
 
 He made no answer for a moment. 
 
 "Yes; I suppose it's sorter for the same reason; 
 maybe a better." 
 
244 TWO GEAY TOURISTS. 
 
 At night, the Champs Elysses were, if possible, more 
 brilliant, and certainly more thronged than the last. 
 
 " I never expected, Phil, to see such carryings on of a 
 Sunday; but it won't hurt you and me, I suppose, to 
 look at 'em. Their doings, as I said before, ain't any of 
 my business ; so let's see 'em through." 
 
 Having but a week to devote to Paris, we must work 
 with system and rapidity. Taking a voiture early on 
 Monday, we travelled slowly down the Rue Rivoli, halt- 
 ing to notice particularly the most notable places on 
 the way, as the Tuilleries, Louvre, Tour de St. Jacques, 
 the Hotel de Ville (rising, like the Vendome Column, 
 from its ruins), the Place de la Bastille, where the July 
 Column now occupies the site of the old prison, and 
 down the world-renowned Faubourg St. Antoine to the 
 Place de Trdne. 
 
 "The blood," said Jim, "the blood that has been 
 poured out all along the way we have been coming. I've 
 wanted often to see this— forierg, or whatever you call 
 it, and the Bastille. I've read a good deal of the history 
 of these people; and when I get back home, please 
 God I'm spared to get back, I'm going to read it all 
 over again now that I'm finding out how these places 
 stand to one another. At the place where we are now, 
 Eobespierre and those other rascals had another of those 
 cussed things to cut off the heads of the fellows in this 
 end of the town. One was'nt enough to do all that sort 
 of business. Ain't it curious, too, that like that Con- 
 corde Place, this one is where, on the great holidays, 
 they have the fire-works and the big shows ? " 
 
 Following the Boulevard Charonne into the Menil- 
 montant, we alighted before the gate of Pere Lachaise 
 and spent an hour within it. This cemetery was less 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 215 
 
 impressive than I had anticipated. The difficulty, even 
 with the help of maps, in finding the tombs of specially 
 noted persons, and their wide separation from one 
 another, diminished the interest. Jim remarked that 
 as a matter of curiosity, graveyards were not his favor- 
 ite, and he was glad to get out. Eesumiug our drive, 
 we made for Notre Dame on that Isle de la Cite, 
 Lutetia Parisiorum, "Lutetia the Beloved" of Julian the 
 Apostate. Although I had been in so many cathedrals, 
 I did not enjoy less the sight of this. Advancing to the 
 spot where the great Napoleon had been crowned, we 
 walked around the interior, musing upon its antiquity, 
 its monuments, its marvellous windows, its vast organ, 
 and, calling to mind the great events that had been 
 enacted there mostly in the name, but some in the 
 avowed dishonor of Christ. Jim never approached a 
 shrine before which poor persons, especially poor females 
 were kneeling, without exhibiting the utmost respect. 
 
 " This is all so new to me," he whispered, " and I tell 
 you it looks becoming. These people pray like they 
 knew there was something in prayer. Look at that poor 
 old woman yonder. She has'nt taken her eyes off that 
 picture of the Virgin since we've been in here. She 
 has'nt noticed anybody, not even those that have been 
 standing by where she is kneeling, and looking at and 
 talking about the picture. Such faith as that is worth 
 having." I turned and saw an aged crone in tattered 
 garments kneeling, her withered hands clasped, and her 
 lips silently moving, before a shrine. As we left the 
 church, she was in the same attitude. 
 
 Crossing the south fork of the river, we lingered at 
 the Place de Termes, where Julian was proclaimed 
 emperor by the Gallic legions when the alternative was 
 gi* 
 
240 TWO GRAY TOURlSTg. 
 
 presented of empire or death. A strange career for one 
 who, the greatest of his race, had been driven back into 
 paganism by the persecutions of the house of Constan- 
 tine. His was the saddest career of all kings. 
 
 On by the quays Montebello, de Toumelle, and Saint 
 Bernard, through the Jar din des Plantes, returning 
 again and passing to the Sorbonne, the Pantheon, and 
 the Luxembourg. As we rode slowly along, we noticed 
 the people taking, some dinner, and some lunch, upon 
 tables on the pavement in front of the numberless 
 eating-houses on every street. 
 
 "These people literally live out of doors, Phil; at 
 least in the summer time. And the wine, the wine, the 
 wine they do drink here in one day. Yet we have'nt 
 seen but one man drunk yet, that fellow in Geneva. 
 Strange people, always drinking and not getting drunk. 
 There's a lesson in all this for our big men and good 
 men at home to study. I can't make it out myself, and 
 that don't run in my line. About joining temperance 
 societies, and signing temperance petitions, I'm about 
 like old Col. Blackford." 
 
 "How was that?" 
 
 "The old Colonel was a Methodist, you know, and 
 about the best man in his neighborhood. They had 
 started a temperance society there and tried to get him 
 to sign the pledge for the sake of the example, as they 
 put it. The old Colonel sometimes would take his 
 morning dram. He told the brethren that he was 
 seventy-five years old, and that liquor, what little he 
 had taken, had never done him any particular harm as 
 he knew of, and that sometimes he felt that he actually 
 needed a little stimulant. As for the example he said that 
 his ideas had changed on that subject many a year ago. 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 247 
 
 When he was a young man, he was very proud of him- 
 self, and thought that there was a tremendous amount 
 of responsibility on him about other people, and that 
 he ought to try to make everybody quit his foolishness 
 and do right. But he was like the farmers who some- 
 times overcropped themselves and got in the grass, and 
 he found at last that it was about as much as he could 
 do, and that put him to his trumps many a time, to 
 take care of himself. So you may go on, you French 
 people. You can beat us, a hundred times over again, 
 drinking, one thing and another, but we can whip you 
 out all hollow in getting drunk. I don't understand it, 
 and, by good luck, it ain't any of my business. And 
 here's the place that of all in this town I wanted most 
 to see." 
 
 We had reached the Hotel cles Invalides, the Temple 
 of Humanity (as it was first named), where France ten- 
 derly cares for her disabled soldiers. Many of these we 
 noticed, some walking, others, without legs, rolling them- 
 selves leisurely along the spacious grounds in their 
 wheeled chairs, all seeming contented with the care 
 which their grateful country bestowed for their services 
 and sufferings. We caught an occasional glimpse of 
 the white bonnets of the Sisters of Charity, whose busi- 
 ness it is to nurse the sick in the multitude of invalids 
 there gathered. 
 
 " They know how to take care of their old soldiers 
 sure," said Jim. " These without legs get more than those 
 with 'em. That is, they are credited with what their shoes 
 would cost. Everyone is allowed so much, and what- 
 ever one can save goes to his credit, and he can lay up a 
 little something from year to year. What I want to see 
 most is the place where the old fellow is lying." 
 
248 TWO GRAY TOUEISTS. 
 
 It was touching to observe the respect with which he 
 approached the centre of the noble building, and placing 
 his hands upon the railing in the circular enclosure, 
 leaned over, and looked down upon the sarcophagus 
 which contained the dust of the great Captain. It is a 
 tomb of exquisite fitness and taste, and it impresses the 
 visitor even more than anything in Westminster Abbey. 
 At that, one bows before the majesty of death and his 
 power to bring into such small compass the mighty 
 dead of many centuries, and the individual is merged 
 in the multitude. But here, in the centre of this mag- 
 nificent structure, in a circle defending by a railing all 
 from approaching its centre, is the bier of that one hero, 
 and him alone, and one imagines that he is required to 
 feel that he stands by the tomb of the greatest of all 
 times. After we had retired and were again in the voi- 
 ture, Jim said : 
 
 " They had to bring him back there, but they waited 
 until he had been dead twenty years." 
 
 As we passed along the Champ de Mars, we noticed 
 several companies of infantry drilling. 
 
 " Go it, my fine fellows," said Jim. " Somehow, you 
 did'nt have your hands in at your last fight. You'll 
 have to try them Germans again some day. You'll 
 have your hands full, too, but I think you can get even 
 with 'em. It may not be in our day, Phil. But it will 
 come. These are a freer people than the Germans, and 
 love their country better. When they get a man who 
 knows how to lead, they'll pay 'em back." 
 
 As we rode down the Quai B* Or say, we were impressed 
 by the large number of ill-looking washwomen about 
 the laundry establishments on the river. Jim said that 
 at the hotel an Englishman had told him that washing 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 240 
 
 clothes was usually the last resort of the abandoned 
 women of the town. 
 
 " When they begin to get old, and are still poor, they 
 go to the wash-tub for a living, and many of them, when 
 they can't make it at that, drown themselves in the river." 
 
 We crossed at the Pont de la Concorde. 
 
 " They seem to go for that name in this neighborhood. 
 Do you know where the stones in this bridge came from 
 mostly? Why, from that old Bastille prison. I read 
 that last night. They've sounded to many a groan." 
 
 But a short time after dinner we had for a drive in 
 the Bois de Boulogne. Besides that the season was 
 past in Paris, it is not to be admired at any time as 
 Hyde Park. We had now been going all day, and the 
 wholesome fatigue invited repose. Yet, we lingered for 
 an hour or two in the glass-covered court of the hotel, 
 and talked over what we had seen during the day. 
 
CHAPTER XX, 
 
 PROPOSED, next day, visits to the palaces, 
 especially the Luxembourg and Louvre. 
 
 " Now, see here, Phil ; one of the troubles on 
 my mind before coming to this town was the 
 fear that I might finish off what part of my neck has'nt 
 been broke already looking up at old pictures; for I knew 
 you'd want to see them here, and I thought I should be 
 afraid to separate from you because I can't speak French. 
 But I find I can get along with these people better than 
 I expected. I don't understand a word they say ; but 
 by talking slow and distinct and with signs one way and 
 another, I can make them understand in general what I 
 want. Then I know they can't lose me. I'll travel 
 around with you for awhile ; but when it gets too bad, 
 I'm going to quit and peruse on my own hook. But 
 carry me first to some pictures that I can understand." 
 
 ''All right. To the Luxembourg." 
 
 He was better pleased than he expected to be, and he 
 admired, equally with myself, such pictures as Appert's 
 Pope Alexander HI Disguised as a Mendicant, Barrias' 
 Exiles of Tiberius, Bertrand's Death of Virginia, Cou- 
 der's Levite of Ephraim, Muller's Prisoners of the Con- 
 ciergerie, and especially Delaroche's Death of Queen 
 Elizabeth. 
 
 "My Lord! 
 
 (250) 
 
 he exclaimed, before the last, "I've 
 
TWO GEAY TOUEISTS. 251 
 
 heard of pictures being called like life, but this is death 
 itself." 
 
 A wonderful painting, indeed. The expression of those 
 dying eyes will never be forgotten. They were the eyes 
 of one who had been a queen to the last, and who, as she 
 had not rendered mercy, had no expectation of it from 
 her conqueror. 
 
 Jim lingered long enough in the Louvre to be able, as 
 he said, to tell them that he had been there and taken 
 in every blamed one of the old masters and left me to 
 bring up the " drap-shot gang," then we parted with the 
 understanding that we should meet for dinner at the 
 Palais Boy ale. On repairing to this spot, I found him 
 already there. He had become uneasy, he said, about me, 
 and was afraid that, if I got there before him and did 
 not find him at once, I might go to loging and prowling 
 about looking for him and so get lost. And then again, 
 he was hungry. 
 
 After dinner we promenaded for some time amidst the 
 grounds and shops of this, so long styled, the capital of 
 Paris. Nowhere in tlw world are to be found such mag- 
 nificent shops. Sitting under the lime trees, we chatted 
 long upon the events that in the several generations had 
 transpired in that historic place, famous beyond all 
 in the annals of mankind, for orgies, which cried out for 
 punishment. In the matter of material pleasures, this 
 area of a few acres has surpassed all others upon this 
 earth. Epicures and debauchees, plots and conspiracies, 
 what a long line since the death of the great cardinal ! 
 The princely libertines now resort to more secret haunts, 
 plotters and conspirators allow other places to divide 
 honors with this, yet luxury fully maintains its ancient 
 sway. 
 
252 TWO GKAY TOUKISTS. 
 
 It might have been amusing to hear Jim and me 
 afterwards as each vainly tried to entertain the other 
 with accounts of what he had seen in the interval of 
 separation. While I would be enlarging upon some pic- 
 ture in the Louvre, or some great event enacted in one 
 or another of its salons, he would be waiting to tell of the 
 Grhobelin tapestry or the tumult of the Bourse. I had 
 said, in speaking of the imperious tempers of some of the 
 women of the house of Medici, that it really seemed as 
 if they had been sent from hell. 
 
 " Hell, you say, Phil ? I've been there or thereabout 
 to-day. It was at the Bourse. I had heard of the fuss 
 and confusion there, and wanted to see and hear for 
 myself. I went first among the buyers and sellers. It 
 was fun enough there, to see hundreds of fellows scream- 
 ing and foaming at the mouth. One fellow would 
 mount into a sort of cage, get on a platform, and bawl 
 out what he had to sell, and the rest would bawl out 
 what they were willing to give. At and around another 
 cage another crowd would be doing the same thing, and 
 everybody looked as if he wanted to cut everybody else's 
 throat. I looked up and saw a gallery where whole 
 crowds were coolly leaning over the balustrade and look- 
 ing down. I went up there and stood awhile by a big 
 Irish woman, who was gazing, evidently for the first 
 time in her life, upon the scene. How she did enjoy it ! 
 From the way the concern is built, or something I don't 
 know what, the noise that comes up is beyond anything 
 that my ears ever heard. She laughed and laughed, and 
 shook her big sides, as if everything that was sold 
 belonged to her and was bringing the highest sort of a 
 price. Once in a while she would grunt and say: 
 
 " 'And shure it is, all the divils is turned loose.' 
 
TWO GKAY TOUKISTS. 253 
 
 "She hit the nail on the head. I felt like, Phil, I tell 
 you I felt like I was on the brink of the pit and was 
 listening to the damned roaring with the pain of the 
 fire and brimstone." 
 
 Next day, we took an excursion to Versailles by car- 
 riage, going by St. Cloud and returning by Sevres. It 
 was a sweet day, and we drove leisurely along the fine 
 roads. The great fortresses, notably Valerien, were within 
 oar view. It was sad to see the desolation in the wooded 
 scenery that had been wrought all along the way by the 
 Prussians and the government armies in the siege of 
 the capital. The ancient Chateau of St. Cloud showed, 
 even in its ruins, that it had been fit to be the residence 
 of kings ; and in spite of the dismantled state of Ver- 
 sailles, we could but wonder even then at the appalling 
 sums that had been expended in order to make it what 
 it was. Suites of rooms, a mile in extent, ornamented 
 with pictures and statues of the best artists, grounds 
 with terraces, parterres, and orangeries, basins, bosquets, 
 fountains and quincunces, none but a grand monarch 
 like Louis XIV, and none but a devoted people like the 
 French could have created. I cannot say whether Jim 
 was more entertained by the splendors he saw, or indig- 
 nant at the enormity of their cost. He had gotten the 
 figures and made calculations how much beyond the 
 two hundred millions of dollars of original outlay these 
 royal luxuries would have cost had no interruption been 
 made to the design of converting the Eure from its 
 channel and leading it through the palace grounds. 
 
 " Kings," said he, " are an expensive piece of property." 
 
 After a nice dinner at the Hotel de Reservoir, we set 
 out again, and reached Sevres just as the porcelain 
 works were being closed for the day. 
 
 22 
 
254. TWO GKAY TOURISTS. 
 
 " Missed 'em," said Jim, " and all for your hanging 
 around them old pictures, and trying to study out the 
 outlandish figures on the basins. It makes no difference 
 though. I'm satisfied. I've seen the place where they 
 make their chainy, as old Dooly called it." 
 
 For this excursion, Jim had secured the services of 
 his coachman of the day before. His liberality, his 
 heartiness of manner, and considerateness of others, 
 enabled him, in spite of the want of understanding of 
 their tongues, to hold considerable genial communica- 
 tion with whomsoever he met. He was always bound 
 to have talk of some sort with his fellow-travellers. He 
 had chosen our present companion because of his knowl- 
 edge of a few English words. So, remembering, how- 
 ever, always to be " slow and distinct," he spoke without 
 restraint to him whenever he wished, persisting until he 
 had made some sort of understanding. Once, as we 
 were driving along, noticing a dog in the way, he cried 
 out: 
 
 "Coachee." 
 
 " Oui, monsieur." 
 
 "Dog there. Dog." 
 
 " Oh, oui, monsieur." 
 
 " Your Commune eat dog." 
 
 " Pardon, monsieur ? " 
 
 Jim opened his mouth, and acted as if he was putting 
 something into it, and chewing it. 
 
 "Eat, eat. Commune. Dog." 
 
 "What a face he did make ! 
 
 "Non, non monsieur; non chien? Non; trop mau- 
 vais — too bard — Nous mangeons — chat ; chat bon — non 
 chien ; non dog. Non — non ! " 
 
 "Shar? What's that?" 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 255 
 
 "Cat, Jim, cat." 
 
 "Oui, monsieur; cart" 
 
 "Not cart, my man. Cart's another thing altogether. 
 Cat. He'd do, would he? but you could'nt come the 
 dog?" 
 
 " Non, non, monsieur." 
 
 " But they did get to dogs at last, Phil, or at least a 
 few. You know the reason why they did'nt eat 'em all ? " 
 
 " Too bad, I suppose, as the coachman said." 
 
 "No, sir. They could'nt catch 'em. I've read in a 
 paper somewhere, that when at last they got down to 
 the dogs, the poor creatures actually held one or two 
 meetings, and the first thing anybody knew, they were 
 all gone. I suppose they passed resolutions not to be 
 eat up if they could help it. When the siege was broke, 
 and a plenty of good victuals got in, here came back 
 the dogs as thin as snakes, creeping out of all sorts of 
 ont-of-the-way places, some even from holes in the 
 ground. Just to think of two millions of people, as 
 fond of good eating as these are, to be shut up in this 
 town for months, and have to eat cats, and even dogs — 
 and hard to get 'em at that." 
 
 The next three days were spent in visiting what was 
 possible to see of the most noted things, travelling some- 
 times together, sometimes apart. Jim had managed 
 to gather a great amount of information concerning 
 what he called the live things of the town, while I was 
 searching among the dead. He studied the quays, the 
 system of sewerage, and other generally controlling- 
 interests. Most of all, he admired the charitable insti- 
 tutions. 
 
 "It's perfectly wonderful, Phil, the numbers and the 
 different kinds of 'em. The poor are provided for here 
 
256 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 better than they are in London. I should'nt have be- 
 lieved it, bnt it's so. Some of these houses built for 'em 
 they call hospices and some hospitals, and some a whole 
 lot of outlandish names that I can't pronounce. There 
 are some for old married people, and some for old widows, 
 and some even for old widowers, and some for old bache- 
 lors, and some for old maids, and some for old preachers, 
 and some for children. There are dozens of what we 
 would call nurseries, where poor women who have to 
 work out put their children in the day and take 'em 
 home at night. There is'nt any kind or form of sick- 
 ness or want that they have'nt places here where it can be 
 taken care of. And as for these Sisters of Charity and 
 the other names they've got, there don't seem to be any end 
 of them. Then they have what I should call travelling 
 hospitals. They have physicians who visit the sick' 
 poor at the public expense. They give the poor bath- 
 tickets and such ; and they hire nurses from the country 
 who take sick children home with 'em and keep 'em till 
 they get well. I did'nt expect this; I thought what 
 they went for over here mostly was finery and pleasure. 
 As it is, I find that they are or appear to be the most 
 charitable people I've seen yet. The French are a great 
 people, not only in big things, but in little. Travelling 
 does away with a heap of prejudice, at least when a fel- 
 low keeps his eyes open and looks around. Don't it, 
 Phil?" 
 
 " Indeed it does." 
 
 " Now, there's that Foundling Hospital, started by St. 
 Vincent de Paul, they call him, two hundred years ago. 
 it beats all. I declare it's enough to make a man cry, to 
 see what care is taken of these poor children of sin. 
 Then what I've noticed and found out about their going 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 257 
 
 to meeting beginning at day -break, that struck me as 
 much as anything else. I've seen 'em myself pouring out 
 of a church when it was just daylight by hundreds, rich 
 and poor, and another crowd pouring in right after 'em 
 to another meeting. I had an idea that these priests 
 were taken up mostly with good eating and such. The 
 truth is, Phil, a man's a goose for condemning people 
 and things that he knows nothing about." 
 
 The day came for us to leave, and we were both glad 
 that we had chosen Paris the last place for visiting. 
 
 " It's a good rule, Phil, to save the best for the last — 
 that is, if a fellow don't go and do like Bob Minton and 
 eat so much meat and greens as to leave no room for pie 
 and custard. If we'd seen Paris before the little places 
 that we've been in, we should'nt have taken much interest 
 in them. Take Brussels for instance. Brussels, it's plain 
 to me, tries to be like Paris. I liked it mightily when 
 I was there; but if I was to go there now I should be 
 constantly thinking for awhile how much smaller it is 
 than what it wants to look like. "We've seen 'em all 
 now, little and big, or as many as we had laid out to 
 see, saving the best for the last, and now I'm ready for 
 home." 
 
 We left after a too early breakfast ; but then we knew 
 we could make up with a good, quiet dinner on the boat 
 which we were to take at Dieppe at one o'clock in the 
 afternoon. We looked back towards the glorious city as 
 long as we could see it. The last object of our sight 
 was the great Arch. 
 
 " Far-you-well," said Jim, "all of you— Bonapartes 
 
 and Bourbons, presidents and Frenchmen generally. 
 
 I'm glad I've seen you one time. Far-you-well, I'm 
 
 going now to see them that I think more of than all of 
 
 22* 
 
258 TWO GEAY TOURISTS. 
 
 yon. They ain't — that is, in the special — they ain't bnt 
 one good, in fact splendid woman and a parcel of— well, 
 just good, common children ; but I'd rather see them now 
 than forty Parises and four hundred Arches of Triumph 
 and forty thousand million of — let's try the weed." 
 
 We turned our faces onward. The country of the 
 Oise et-Seine, though not naturally fertile, yet rejoiced 
 with market gardens, and afterwards, in Seine Inferieur, 
 with fields and pasture lands. The wheat in Normandy 
 was now all cut and standing in yellow shocks. 
 
 " This is the Rotrimagus of the ancient Gauls, Jim," 
 I said, as we passed through Eouen. 
 
 "Indeed? All I remember about this town is the 
 burning of that poor Joan of Arc by the English, and a 
 mean piece of business it was." 
 
 " That it was, and it was not long after the horrible 
 outrage that the rule of that people passed away from 
 this country." 
 
 When we went on the boat, Jim asked the captain 
 how long it would be before dinner, 
 
 "I car n't say quite yet," answered he, looking out at 
 the white-caps of the sea waves, and walking away. 
 
 "That sounds suspicious. What in the mischief are 
 all these bowls doing here on deck, Phil ? Why, here's 
 ft least a dozen under these benches, and see yonder, the 
 ; :e\vardess is bringing up some more." 
 
 I had no idea for what purpose they were there. 
 Pifty or sixty passengers were with us, mostly Ameri- 
 cans and English. We were delighted to hear again 
 from all tongues our native speech. All were so gay. 
 Several gentlemen were standing near the bridge when 
 the steamer moved off. We had not proceeded more 
 , than a knot, when suddenly a sea dashed from leeward, 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 259 
 
 and the spray drove ns quickly aft. None seemed to 
 have had any expectation of sea-sickness. But it was 
 not fifteen minutes before the stewardesses were running 
 about with the bowls in their hands and setting them 
 down by ladies who had been taken so suddenly as not 
 to be able to repair to the cabin or even to reach the 
 railing. 
 
 "Well, don't this beat anything— eddy— eddy— 
 thig — " but Jim could'nt make it out. He managed to 
 get to the railing, but he was soon upon his knees, and 
 finally, holding on with one hand, lay on his side. The 
 chopping sea tossed the little boat, as a cork in a shal- 
 low running stream. All the suffering from sea-sickness 
 that we had witnessed on the Atlantic was less violent 
 than that endured in the few hours' passage from Dieppe 
 to New Haven. Ill as I was, I felt seriously concerned 
 for Jim, and especially for the women, who seemed to 
 have abandoned themselves to despair. Some lay on 
 the deck, others in the cabin, and rolled, and cried out, 
 and actually howled with the agony of nausea. In their 
 tossing, the clothes of some of them became sadly dis- 
 arranged; but there were none to criticise or to care. 
 The relief, when we reached New Haven, was as instan- 
 taneous as the attack. Having partaken hastily, but 
 heartily, of coffee and bread at the buffet, we were again 
 upon the cars. 
 
 "I never should have believed it," said Jim. "I 
 did'nt know that a fellow could have the cussed thing 
 twice. It gets worse the oftener it takes you. What 
 time it lasted, I do believe I was worse off than on the 
 Atlantic. I felt like I was going to turn inside out, 
 blamed if I did'nt. But some of those poor women 
 were worse off, if possible, than I was. One of 'em, 
 
260 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 and she was a good-looking one at that, was lying just 
 behind me, and in rolling herself about, she kicked me 
 on the back of my head several times. I did'nt let on, 
 and I did'nt care. For my misery, as old Jim Williams 
 said, was all innards, and it would have taken harder 
 things than a sick woman's heels to hurt me on the out- 
 side. And did'nt they howl ? I don't think I exactly 
 howled, but I done some tall barking. But that hot 
 coffee was good. I hid three cups of it, and ain't it 
 nice now ? 
 
 " Oh, de long time ago, 
 I'm a rollin' ! " 
 
 As the train dashed along, he broke forth into this 
 favorite old corn song. 
 
 I could not but almost envy that hearty, ingenuous 
 nature which, though with the tenderness of a child 
 ready to yield to suffering of whatever kind, was as 
 quick to mount into joyousness when it was past. How 
 he did rattle along in the sudden relief from seasickness, 
 being again among English-speaking people, and home- 
 ward bound. He said he was really hongry for old 
 Georgia talk, and declared that, if he had a chance, he 
 believed he could make a speech. 
 
 "All I want now, sir, is a subject and an audience." 
 
 " I'll be the audience, Jim." 
 
 "Ain't big enough, and ain't appreciative enough. 
 But will the audience, such as it is, start me off with a 
 little applause?" 
 
 "Certainly," and I clapped my hands loudly and 
 shouted huzzas. 
 
 " Give me a subject then. Be quick about it, while 
 the sperrit's on me." 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 261 
 
 " Oh, anything. Take Southdown sheep, for here we 
 are now passing over the great Sussex downs." 
 
 "All right. These celebrated sheep — my client — gen- 
 tlemen of the jury — how'll that do ? " 
 
 "Won't do." 
 
 " Brethering and sisters — " 
 
 " Worse and worse." 
 
 " Eespected audience," 
 
 "Eight; proceed. Hear, hear." 
 
 " Make the rest of it yourself, confound you. If you 
 had'nt put me out at the start I should have delivered a 
 speech that would have made your hair stand and the 
 goose bumps come out all over you." 
 
 "Oh, you Jim! You dear old Jim Eawls! You 
 absurd, glorious, darling old scamp ! " 
 
 "Oh, de long time o' day 
 I'm a rollin'." 
 
 "Mrs. Eawls is right about your voice, Jim. You 
 have a — you have a plenty of voice." 
 
 "Ah, Philemon, my friend, nobody knows, the same as 
 that judgmatical woman, what this world and society in 
 general lost by me not being sent to a singing school 
 when a boy." 
 
 " You always loved the corn-song. So did I. It is a 
 strange music, but often very touching, not only in 
 chorus, but in solo. Most of the airs, I doubt not, are 
 national. That sort of music, you know, is peculiar to 
 peoples who have had no foreign admixture. Thus, the 
 Greeks had it, the Eomans not ; the Scotch and the Irish 
 have it, the English not. Of course, Americans, white 
 Americans, made from more elements than were in the 
 image of Nebuchadnezzar, have it not. I have been told 
 
26$ TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 that since the war the negroes have given up much of 
 theirs." 
 
 "Yes, sir, three-fourths of it, if not more. In old 
 times one could seldom pass a field where they were at 
 work without having a song of some sort from one or 
 more of them." 
 
 " What, in your opinion, are the causes of the change?" 
 
 " Their minds have not now the leisure. Instead of 
 having their thinking done by their owners, they now 
 have to do it for themselves." 
 
 " How do you regard the prospects before them ? " 
 
 "That's the toughest problem that the American 
 people have yet had on their hands. The good Lord 
 only knows how it is to be worked out; no man does. 
 The negroes increase by births about as fast as the 
 whites, but there are many more deaths among them. 
 The difference will be greater as the country fills with 
 population and the price of land gets higher. Land is 
 so cheap now that they get an easy living ; after a while 
 things will be very different." 
 
 " Why, I have heard that a good many of them own 
 lands." 
 
 " The tax books and the newspapers say so." 
 
 "But is it not true?" 
 
 " Quite a number in Middle Georgia (that's the only 
 section I can speak about) have entered on lands for 
 which they have bonds for titles. Many have made the 
 first payment, some the second, a few, a very few, have 
 gone further than that. The great majority never have, 
 and never will. They have not the prudence, and their 
 families have not the economy to lay up beyond a living 
 on their yearly crops. If there is a people specially to 
 be pitied, they are the negroes of the South. It is sad 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. £63 
 
 to see a people, affectionate and grateful as they are, find- 
 ing it more and more difficult to get what the most 
 reasonable and the least ambitious among them hoped 
 for immediately after their emancipation." 
 "You think they are a grateful people ?"" 
 " Eemarkably so ; that is, the old set, when not inter- 
 fered with and fooled by rascally politicians, black and 
 white. I wish that the education which we are giving 
 them in Georgia (for you know that public provision in 
 that respect is the same for them as for the whites), I 
 say I wish it would do them more good, instead of lead- 
 ing the most of them who get it to wish to be public 
 characters, as politicians, preachers and other church- 
 officials, school-teachers, etc. I tell you it is a tough 
 business, the negro problem is. I don't like to try to 
 argue it, and its because I don't know how. But in 
 that, Phil, I'm like Sam Spivey, when after being 
 whipped at school about twenty-five times for not get- 
 ting the multiplication table, Pete Strieker asked him 
 if he knew how much seven times nine was, and what 
 was the difference between that and nine times seven, 
 he said, no he did'nt, and he did'nt believe there was 
 anybody in the world that did." 
 
 For some time the darkness had been hindering views 
 of this county and Surrey. We were in London in time 
 for a good dinner at 8t. James' f Piccadilly. 
 
CHAPTER XXI, 
 
 UK engagements were to return on the Servia, 
 which was to sail the coming week. We had 
 planned a three days' visit to the English 
 lakes and Ireland, arranging to meet the 
 steamer at Queenstown. So, lingering but a day in 
 London, and that mostly for making other purchases of 
 presents for our friends at home, we took the morning 
 train on the Great Northwestern Kailway for Liverpool. 
 
 "Gardens, gardens; orchards, orchards," exclaimed 
 Jim, when we were out of Middlesex, and far on the 
 way in Hertfordshire. "It takes gardens upon gardens, 
 and orchards upon orchards to supply that same village 
 of London. The things, the things that go into its 
 great maw. But it's a rich little country around it, and 
 these people know what to do with it. Here we are 
 nearly through two counties, and everything that is 
 made in 'em goes to feed London, people or horses. 
 What a curious name this little town has : Tring." 
 
 " Tring ? Tring ? That's where Nell Gwynne lived." 
 
 "You mean that piece that one of those old kings 
 made so much of ? " 
 
 "Yes; Tring-Park House was a fine mansion that 
 Charles II had built for her." 
 
 "But all he did could'nt keep her from the end that 
 (264) 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 265 
 
 such people are bound to come to. 'Don't; let poor 
 Nellie starve: ' that showed that the old fellow had some 
 heart, at least on his death-bed." 
 
 Into Buckinghamshire, the vale of Aylesbury now 
 on our left, and the Chiltern Hills, extending into Bed- 
 fordshire, on our right. In Northamptonshire, the 
 fields grew larger, and we admired those fertile pasture- 
 lands on which are raised sheep, short-horned cattle, 
 and especially the famous immense black horses. 
 
 " Rich people live along here, Phil, I should say, from 
 the looks of their mansions and parks. Weedon. Weedon. 
 Another curious name." 
 
 " We are now, my friend, in what was the country of 
 the Mercians, and Mulphere, their king, had his princi- 
 pal royal seat in this very town. There was another in 
 Tamworth ahead of us." 
 
 " I'm thankful it was'nt the Eomans. I've got right 
 considerable tired of the Eomans since I've been over 
 here, Phil, and it's a relief to me to see you gradually 
 coming down from their times." 
 
 "You have some rather unpleasant reminiscences, I 
 think I've heard you say, connected with studying their 
 language some years ago. Would it be too much for 
 your feelings if I were to tell you that we had been 
 travelling all day along by the side of a celebrated 
 Roman road ? " 
 
 " I would try to bear it for the sake — of your family. 
 I've had to put up with a good deal from you since we 
 left home. But make it short. Old Dumnorix never 
 got up this far, did he ? " 
 
 "Dumnorix was no Roman. He was an Aeduan, 
 man." 
 
 "It makes no difference. I remember he had a heap 
 
 23 
 
%G6 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 to do with Latin. I took him to be a tremendously 
 smart old fellow, for he said a many a thing that I 
 could'nt understand." 
 
 "Why, he could' nt speak Latin at all. Don't you 
 remember what Caesar says in the conference about 
 " interpretiMis remotis f " 
 
 "Excuse me, if you please. Well, sir, if Dumnorix 
 was'nt here, and if he did'nt travel along this road, I'll 
 be blamed if T know who did." 
 
 "Watling street again; the modern name of Strata 
 Vitelliana, in honor of the Emperor Vitellius." 
 
 "Why, that's as bad as the Weeklies of Hancock 
 county. Sixty years ago they came there, spelling 
 their name V-o-i-c-l-e. It got to be, first, Voicly, then 
 Woickly, then Wickly, then Weekly. But I don't want 
 to interrupt you. Go ahead, and follow old Watlirtg as 
 far back as she'll take you." 
 
 "No, sir. Between Dumnorix the Aeduan, and the 
 Weeklies of Hancock, my mind is rendered incapable of 
 further pursuit in that direction." 
 
 " Rugby Station ; five minutes," sang out the porters, 
 as they swung open the carriage doors. 
 
 Jim stepped out just to have it to say that he had 
 been where Tom Brown used to stay. When he returned, 
 and we were off again, he made some reflections. 
 
 "A great book, Phil, that Tom Broivn at Rugby, and 
 a great teacher, Dr. Arnold. He had sense, that Arnold ; 
 a thing that ain't so very common with school-masters 
 as far as I've known that tribe of folks. I'm not talking 
 about looks now, mind you, but sense. Dr. Arnold had 
 sense. That was a curious old doctrine of school-mas- 
 ters of dealing with school-boys as if the whole kit was 
 one solid lump, and had to be handled in a lump. The 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 267 
 
 bother with school-masters often is that they don't seem 
 to see any difference in boys. They can't, or they wont 
 trust any one boy more than another. There seems to be 
 something in school -keeping that confuses a man's 
 senses, and makes him mix up things generally. Even 
 if one starts right, it ain't long before he's in the groove, 
 making his rules that take in everybody, and that 
 nobody can follow. Now, Arnold had sense enough to 
 see that there's a difference among boys as there is 
 among men, and that they've got to be treated according 
 as they are gentlemen or rascals. Tom Brown shows 
 that. I took to Arnold as soon as I heard somebody 
 say that he had made one boy give another who deserved 
 it a thrashing. It made me read the book, blamed if it 
 did'nt." 
 
 "You've always been a pugnacious fellow, Jim. If 
 you are not in a fight yourself, you like to hear of one." 
 
 "Not at all. Fighting is a business that don't pay, 
 and I've done monstrous little of it. Yet my opinion 
 is that when it's necessary, you've got it to do, and when 
 you get into it, you ought to do your level best to whip 
 it. Sometimes a fellow lias to fight, or show that he 
 will fight, and that's often the best way to keep from 
 fighting. Now, the old school- masters had a fool-rule 
 about fighting, that whoever fought, no matter what it 
 was about, or who began it, or who whipped, or who 
 got whipped, had to be whipped by them afterwards. 
 And they had many another no better. I'd like to know 
 why it is that school-masters, as a general rule, have so 
 little common sense ? " 
 
 "If they have, it is because society thus requires or 
 used to require of them. Society seems to believe, espe- 
 cially in the case of boys, that their sons need an ordeal 
 
268 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 of mean treatment and unreasonable management which 
 they themselves are unwilling to take the trouble to 
 inflict; and they are forced to devolve the business upon 
 others, who, often unfit for any other, are willing to 
 undertake that. Such an occupation separates them, to 
 a degree, from the rest of the world, and they lose the 
 important knowledge which comes from contact with 
 mankind. Their associations are only, or mostly, with 
 boys, and upon such terms as are naturally provocative 
 of mutual hostility. The school is a little temporary 
 absolute monarchy during a brief period, and that the 
 most uninteresting in the life of a human being ; known 
 to be such by both teacher and pupil. The brief ruler's 
 safety seems to him to consist in exacting every possible 
 subservience, and the pupil's enjoyment is in rendering 
 as little as possible consistently with his escape from 
 punishment. Then, some parents desire a rigid rule, 
 and some a mild. The schoolmaster, who seldom thinks 
 he can afford to lose any of his pupils, tries to steer as 
 well as he can between the two, assume to be rigid when 
 he is mild, and mild when he is rigid. Then again the 
 ceaseless routine of the same things, and generally small 
 things, the habit of mind of moving everlastingly in 
 circles, and small circles, at that, tend to belittle. In 
 society the schoolmaster does not always seem to know 
 what position he ought to take, because his own life 
 knows of but two — the head and the foot. His deport- 
 ment, therefore, is often a sort of compound of dictato- 
 rialness and subserviency. Arnold was a man who had 
 strength enough to understand all such. He was a 
 man of common sense, as you say, and governed his school 
 as he governed his own family. 
 " You are right, sir. Now, my son, Buck, when he 
 
TWO GRAY TOUKISTS, 269 
 
 came out of college, took a notion to keep a school awhile. 
 I said nothing against it, though I had an idea that that 
 business would'nt suit one of my tribe. The first time 
 Buck came home to see us, when they had a holiday, I 
 noticed that he was often bringing up Latin words in 
 his talk. I happened to look in his hat one day and saw 
 the lining all written over with little sentences from the 
 Latin Eeader. And then he would be frequently catch- 
 ing up his mother and the rest, except me, in their 
 words. I told Buck if he did'nt mind he'd make a fool 
 of himself. Old Buck quit the business and went to 
 work on the land I had ready for him, and, though I say 
 it, he's a fellow of sense and doing well. That business 
 did'nt suit Buck, or Back did'nt suit the business, I 
 don't know which." 
 
 " It is a difficult business, certainly. The best way to 
 govern boys, I think, is to leave much of their govern- 
 ment to themselves. Constant watching, I think, is a 
 great mistake. Boys are like men — the better you treat 
 them the better they'll be. It is difficult for a man to be 
 a detective and a gentleman at the same time, and none 
 but a gentleman ought to be intrusted with the guidance 
 of youth, especially sons of gentlemen. In late years 
 changes are being made, some of them much for the 
 better in the discipline of schools and in the relations of 
 school-masters with other people." 
 
 That night, at the Adelphi, we saw several Americans, 
 some of whom we had met before in our travels, who 
 were there preparing to return by the Bothnia, which 
 was to sail on the next day but one. 
 
 " Just to think of it," said Jim ; " these fellows will 
 all be nigh home at the time we start. By the way, Phil, 
 about those lakes up there, are they such great things ? " 
 
 23* 
 
270 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 I replied that they were not large, and not so pic- 
 turesque as those in Switzerland, but certainly were 
 jewels in their way and worth seeing. I rather expected 
 him to say more upon this subject, but he did not, until 
 we had gotten to bed. 
 
 "Phil, they say this out-going ship is one of the 
 stoutest of the line, and that McMickin is the cleverest 
 of all the captains. I wonder we did'nt find that out 
 before engaging return passage on the Servia" 
 
 " Is that so ? " I replied quickly. 
 
 He laughed. 
 
 " What are you laughing at ? " 
 
 " I'm laughing because I see, you old hypocrite, that 
 you are as anxious to go home as I am." 
 
 " Would you really like to go by this ship, Jim ? " 
 
 "Would you?' 
 
 " What about the English lakes and Ireland ? " 
 
 " Oh, they, especially the lakes, were your programme. 
 They're none of my business. However, it's no use talk- 
 ing: the ship's full." 
 
 " Don't you suppose — " I paused. 
 
 " Suppose what ? " 
 
 "Nothing." 
 
 " Well, suppose I do suppose." 
 
 " Well, sir, suppose away ; I'm willing." 
 
 He jumped out of bed, rang the bell, and ordered a 
 bottle of champagne. 
 
 " It's too good, Phil, to go to sleep on right away. I 
 was just a waiting to see what you wanted to do. It 
 would have killed me to see those fellows start home a 
 week before us, but I would'nt let on, and did'nt intend 
 to until I saw how you looked to-night when they were 
 talking about home. I saw you were as bad off as I was." 
 
TWO GEAY TOUEISTS. 271 
 
 "And have you been homesick, Jim ? " 
 
 "Nigh unto death." 
 
 He almost shouted with laughter, while his eyes shed 
 tears. 
 
 " I did'nt know it, Jim." 
 
 " Of course you did'nt, and I should'nt have let you 
 know it if I had'nt seen that you at last were in for it, 
 too." 
 
 " But you say the ship's full." 
 
 "Never you mind about that; I'll fix that or die a 
 trying." 
 
 The next day about eleven o'clock he returned from 
 the Cnnard office with our tickets exchanged, saying he 
 had obtained for us the officers' quarters. 
 
 Captain McMickin was all that he had been repre- 
 sented. In the quiet but vigorous and efficient discharge 
 of his duties, and his courteousness to passengers of 
 every condition, there cannot be, I believe, his superior 
 on any line of the Atlantic steamers. At Queenstown 
 about one hundred and fifty steerage-passengers came on. 
 Among* them was a young man who played remarkably 
 well on the accordeon. "When we had been out three or 
 four days and all were well over seasickness, they, on fine 
 afternoons, commenced to have on deck dances and 
 games, in which the sailors, when off duty, joined. Our 
 eagerness, as we drew nearer home, was softened by the 
 sight of the simple enjoyments of these poor emigrants. 
 Even the aged among them, whose anguish we had 
 noticed at Queenstown, when they had parted, knowing 
 it to be forever, from their friends and native country, 
 were led at last to look smilingly on as the young men 
 and girls tripped it to the accordeon's notes, or won and 
 lost at other sports and took and paid their forfeits. 
 
272 TWO GEAY TOURISTS. 
 
 As we neared the shore, we became more and more 
 eager to reach it, and it was as if we had met a dear 
 friend who had been long absent when the pilot came 
 on board. Jim said that this officer looked so natural 
 that he felt like asking him about Emily and the chil- 
 dren, blamed if he did'nt. He eagerly seized the New 
 York papers and devoured them. 
 
 " Oh, it's so homelike : it makes home come all over me 
 in big spots to be reading one of our own papers. I 
 want to make 'em last, you see, Phil. I'm going to read 
 every line in 'em. I'm like old man Sentry about the 
 Southern Recorder. It came always on a Wednesday, 
 and he made it last till the next Tuesday night. It was 
 the only paper he took. He'd always begin at the begin- 
 ning, * The Southern Recorder is published at Millidge- 
 ville, Georgia, etc.,' and then on to the rates of advertis- 
 ing. He read slow and loud, and when he got tired he'd 
 make a cross mark where he left off and begin there the 
 next time he took up the paper. He would' nt get to the 
 news till about Saturday, and Monday and Tuesday he'd 
 wind up with the advertisements. That's the way I'm 
 doing with these old Heralds. I tell you that paper's a 
 book. These advertisements get me. Here's women that 
 Want somebody to come and suckle their children, and 
 women that want to suckle other people's children, and 
 women that want to get acquainted with men, and men 
 that want to get acquainted with women, with different 
 vieivs, as they call it, as matrimony, pleasant society, 
 mutual improvement, and all such, but all of 'em views 
 of devilment of some sort, I don't doubt. Oh, the (lif- 
 erent kinds of devilment that are in such a place as New 
 York. However, there's a plenty of ifc everywhere, as to 
 that," and he would turn again to the paper. 
 
TWO GRAY TOUEISTS. 273 
 
 Next morning, I was roused from sleep by his shout- 
 ing, " Hail, Columby ! " He was fully dressed, and had 
 come down from the deck where he had been to see the 
 land, now in full view. 
 
 " ' Come, arouse thee, arouse thee, my brave Swiss boy, 
 Take thy pail and — ' 
 
 "Come up and see your native country once more. 
 I've been looking at her for an hour. I would'nt wake 
 you, because I knew that when you're taking your morn- 
 ing nap, as you call it, you don't care a continental for 
 your native country, your family, your friends, nor any- 
 body, nor anything else in this wooden world. But it's 
 breakfast time any how. So, fall to rising, fall to rising." 
 
 As we n eared the landing, he again joined heartily in 
 the waving of hats and handkerchiefs, and kissing of 
 hands to those on shore. 
 
 " Blame it all, Phil, they're my countrymen, and I'm 
 glad to see them whether they are so to see me or not." 
 
 While we were standing at Jersey City waiting for 
 the south-bound train to start, I asked him if he did 
 not intend to send a telegram to his family. 
 
 "No. It would have to go by mail from Augusta, 
 and besides, would scare Emily half to death. We 
 seldom use the telegraph in my neighborhood, except in 
 case of death, or some other bad or urgent news, and a 
 despatch always scares whoever gets it." 
 
 "Then there's something in operating an agreeable 
 surprise/' 
 
 "That there is, you bet. Phil, do you know, sir, I 
 feel much like I did the day I started to my wedding, 
 blamed if I don't ; only I'm surer in my mind now than 
 I was then that all's right." 
 
274 TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 
 
 The few hours that we were together before reaching 
 the place of my residence, were spent now in retrospect- 
 ing upon the various scenes over which we had travelled, 
 and now in my listening to my companion's descantings 
 upon Georgia. I found (what, indeed, I had all along 
 believed) that the things which had impressed me 
 mostly, had been much more interesting to him than he 
 had before admitted, and that his apparent disregard of 
 them had been assumed, partly from playfulness, and 
 partly to subdue my too fond proneness for those that 
 were antiquated. I am free to say that I found also that 
 his observations had been more accurate and his reflec- 
 tions far more profound than my own both upon the 
 past and present conditions of the peoples amongst 
 whom we had been. Among many other things, he 
 said: 
 
 " I'm glad we made this journey, Phil, and I try to 
 be thankful to the good Lord that He let us make it in 
 safety. Seeing foreigners in their own homes has done 
 away with some big mistakes I've been making all of 
 my life. I find that other people are as sensible as ours, 
 as brave, as honest, as patriotic, and as religious. Travel 
 is the thing to knock the bottom out of a fellow's pride 
 and his prejudices. Yet all this don'fc keep me from 
 being thankful, more so than before, if anything, for 
 being born, and raised, and let live where I was." 
 
 Then he talked at length upon Georgia, its climate, 
 its comparative freedom from exclusive knots in its 
 social existence, its adaptability to generous production, 
 not only of the grains and cotton, but of many of the 
 fruits of the tropics, as well as those of more northern 
 latitudes. He spoke heartily of the persistent industry 
 with which the people had striven to repair the losses 
 
TWO GRAY TOURISTS. 275 
 
 caused by the war, and how in spite of some miscalcula- 
 tions and disappointments, general improvement was 
 always existing, and lately becoming more and more 
 clearly apparent. 
 
 " What we want down there, Phil, more than anything 
 else, is for some of these Northern people to come among 
 us, buy the land we no longer need in such quantities 
 as before the war, and settle on it, and, by gracious, be 
 of us. Many of them, J know, think we don't like 
 them, but they are mistaken. We would be glad to 
 have them, not only as citizens, but as neighbors, that 
 is, of course, such as are fit to be either. There are 
 thousands of plantations (I have several myself) with 
 good dwellings and out-houses on them, that can be 
 bought at from four to ten dollars per acre. Three 
 thousand dollars will buy a good plantation of five hun- 
 dred acres, which a man who is sensible and industrious, 
 with the crops made on it, can pay for in two or three 
 years, besides supporting his family, and live in a house 
 that costs more than that money. Or, with five or six 
 hundred dollars paid down, he can get as long payments 
 as he wants for the balance of the purchase-money." 
 
 Other things he said on this line, and about the 
 negroes and their relations with the whites that were 
 deeply interesting to me. He regards the condition of 
 the negro, compared with those of the other races, as 
 one of childhood, childhood ungrowing, and incapable 
 to become adult. He is dependent upon the white man, 
 like a child is dependent upon a father, capable to be 
 led to good, liable to be led to evil, according as his 
 guide is sensitive or not to the behests of his relation. 
 Observations of results of emancipation have served to 
 make stronger this opinion. While these, after recover- 
 
276 TWO GRAY TOURISM. 
 
 ing from the first prostration wrought by sudden revo- 
 lution, hav3 been beneficial to the white man, they have 
 saddened the negro by the evidences they have given of 
 his incompetency for the most important exigences of 
 his being. In this depression, his chief support is the 
 conviction that his white neighbors in the main, so far 
 from wishing his return to the condition of servitude, 
 would never consent to it; that they compassionate his 
 unalterable dependence, and are willing to do whatever 
 they can, while minding their own, to help in all the 
 development that is within reach of his powers. To 
 cheat at all is a vice ; but in Georgia to cheat a negro is 
 regarded as about the meanest of which white men are 
 capable. 
 
 Such and similar conversations that, during several 
 weeks, we had had, led me to remark how experience in 
 a long, energetic, honorable career had ripened his judg- 
 ment and made ever nobler his spirit. Our very last 
 talks I could not, if I would, rehearse. It was in vain 
 I tried to induce his tarrying with me even for a night. 
 My life-long friend, always loved and trusted, showed, I 
 thought, that he felt as I, that after a journey, long to 
 men at our age, we were knitted together, if possible, 
 more closely than before. When the time of separation 
 came, we took hands, and with trembling voices and 
 moist eyes, said good-bye. And I could not but yearn 
 as I looked after him journeying on alone. 
 
 [the end.] 
 
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