LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. Shelf.i-3.57 UNITED STATES OF AMERICA -0^ ^tm / H BROTHER AND LOYER: A WOMAN'S STORY. By EBEN E. REXFORD. NEW YORK : JOHN B. ALDEN, PUBLISHER. 1887. Copyright, 1886, BY JOHN B. ALDEN. TO ALL WOMEN, NORTH AND SOUTH, WHOSE MEMORY GOES BACK TO WAR-TIME, THIS LITTLE VOLUME IS INSCRIBED. BROTHER AND LOVER A WOMAN'S STORY. I never shall forget the summer day When mother died. If I but close my eyes It all comes back to me, as, after dreams, Remembrance of them haunts our waking hours. I hear the low, soft twitter of the birds Whose nest was hidden in the cherry tree Beside the window, as they talked about Their little brood. I hear the summer wind Among the flowers in the garden beds, — Sweet- smelling pinks, old-fashioned mari- golds, And lilies, each a cup at early morn, Brimmed with cool dew for sunshine-elves to drink, And after that a cradle for the bee, Rocked by the wind. And I can hear the song Of mowers in the valley, and the ring Of sharpening scythes, and see the fragrant grass 6 BROTHER AND LOVER. Tremble and fall in long and billowy swaths, As if green waves from some advancing tide Broke at the mower's feet ; and I can see The meadows over which swift shadows pass, As clouds go by between it and the sky, And fancy it a sea whene'er the wind Blows over it, and crinkling billows run From isles of shade to golden shores of sun : And one white mullein seems the filling sail Of a fair shallop on this summer sea, Freighted with fancies from some far Cathay, Where dreams are gathered as we gather flowers In idle mood, scarce knowing what we do. It all comes back to me like yesterday, — That summer hour, across whose sunshine fell The lonesome shadow of an unmade grave. In those long days, when sense of coming loss Hung like a cloud between me and the world, And seemed to shut me in, a prisoner there, Away from those who had no care to vex — No grief to bear— I used to sit and think BROTHER AND LOVER. 7 Of what must be.— I saw dear mother's face Grow thinner, paler, like a sail that fades [n the gray distance, and I knew full well That she was drifting out upon the tide That sets toward the Infinite Sea, and soon "Where her dear face made sunshine in the room The shadow of dread Azrael's wing would fall. Where was the Heaven she was going to ? So far away that she could no more see The children she had loved and left behind? When trouble came to us, could her warm heart — No less a mother's heart in Heaven than it had been A mother's heart on earth — know of it all, And understand our sorrows as of old ? What Heaven was I hardly understood, For childhood's thoughts are vague ones at the best About the mysteries of life and death ; But I was sure that Heaven would not be The Heaven of my fancy if it shut Our mother and her love away from us. Mother would often talk with Rob and me About her going from us. Never once 8 BROTHER AND LOVER. She spoke of it as dying, for I think " Going away " has not so sad a sound As ' ' dying " has, and in that thoughtful love Which always sought to spare her children pain, She chose the simple phrase in daily use Among us when we speak of those who go Upon a journey. If we think of them As gone away, not dead, we do not feel That awful sense of loss which death sug- gests ; We, someway, do not feel their absence so ; A little time of parting from our friends— A parting all must know — and then To be with them again. Sometime, some- where, The sundered paths will meet, and love will have Its own again, — its own for ever more. But if we think of them as dead, we seem To stand upon the brink of a great gulf Too wide for us to cross, and feel that they Are separated from us by a sea That breaks upon a shore of mystery, And they are lost to us. At least to me It always brings such dreary fancies up To speak of death, or absent friends as dead. So, when our mother talked with Rob and me BROTHER AND LOVER. 9 About her going from us, I would feel That after she was gone, 'twould be as if Her feet had climbed a long, steep hill, and she Was on the other side, just out of sight, But never far away. The thought was sweet With comfort for a childish heart like mine, Perplexed by thoughts of what I felt must be, The mystery that I could not comprehend. Years have gone by since then, but to this day I always think of mother and of Rob As on the hill's far side. When I have climbed The pathway to the summit, I shall see The dear ones I have loved and missed so much, For just beyond the hilltop it is Heaven. It was at sunset when she went away. The robin sang, high in the cherry tree, A little vesper song ; sang soft and low, As if he feared the silver sound might break The spell of peace that rested on the world. 10 BROTHER AND LOVER. We heard the drowsy tinkling of the bells Of cattle coming homeward down the hill, And pleasant sights and sounds were every- where About us and above us. All at once She called us, and we went to her. She put The mother-arms about us, folding close Her children to the mother-heart once more, And kissed us many times, while whisper- ing o'er The tender names her love had given us,— The dear pet names that never sound so sweet As when a mother speaks them to the child Upon her breast, — between each one a kiss. " Dear little Ruth and Robbie, " mother said, " At last the time has come when I must go Upon the journey I have told you of." And then she held us closer to her heart As if to ward away the unseen hands That sought to part us. "But, when I am gone, In times of trouble, — and such times will come, — When you would talk to some one who can give The sympathy you need, come to my grave, BROTHER AND LOVER. 11 And there above the grass that covers me, Tell mother all about it, — she will hear ; Remember that, my children, — I shall know. Oh Ruth, dear little Ruth, be very kind To Brother Rob, for he'll have no one else To look to for the love that he will need When I am gone. I leave him in your care, And henceforth you must be to him, my child, Mother as well as sister. " Then she kissed My eyes, and called me " mother's own good girl." —I love to think of that. — A little silence fell While I cried softly on her breast, and Rob Was still, awed by the mystery in the air, His eyes full of vague wonderment as he Looked up in mother's face. The sunset lit The room with sudden splendor, and I thought, — Strange how such thoughts will come at such a time, — Of something in the Bible I had heard My mother read : The Revelator's tale Of what he saw in visions, when the gates Of Heaven were opened. And I wondered then 12 BROTHER AND LOVER. If the great gates had not been swung apart, And sunset's sudden glory was a glimpse Of what the poet-prophet saw. The hills Were crested all with fire, and every tree Seemed to have changed its leaves of green for gold. The branches of the cherry at the pane Kept tap, tap, tapping, as if unseen hands Were there, and I remember wondering If messengers from God's white city stood Outside the window, waiting to come in. The glory of the sunset died away, And shades of twilight filled the silent room. I thought that mother slept, but suddenly She stirred and spoke my name. I put my face Close to her own, for answer, in the dusk. " And Robbie, is he here \ " — I laid his head Upon her breast. She kissed him many times. "Be good to him, my little Ruth," she said ; "Be good to him, — be mother's own good girl. God bless you both and have you in His care Forever — ever — " BROTHER AND LOVER. 13 Then her voice was still, And I was sure that mother slept again. Mysterious sleep — from which none ever wake To tell us what they dream of, if they dream. The robin by his nest sang all at once A little strain that trembled through the dusk In sounds that were like ripples on a pool- Fainter and fainter as the circles grow, Until they touch the shores. So softly died The ripple of the robin's song away Upon the shore of silence. Who shall say He did not hear some echo of the song The angels sang when mother went away, And sang because the music was so sweet That he could not be silent % Ah, who knows ? From that strange slumber mother did not wake. [away, 77 They told us she was dead, — said " Come And covered her white face. — 14 BROTHER AND LOVER. I could not stay Where faces were so curious, though so kind And full of sympathy for us, and so With Robbie's hand in mine I went away Where none but him and God would see my grief. " Gone— gone away" seemed whispered by the wind, As if it told the night about our loss, To stir its heart with tenderness for those Whose dearest, truest friend had gone from them On the long journey all must sometime take. The darkness seemed to fold us to its breast As if in pity for our loneliness ; It seemed to me as if our mother's love Pervaded all things in the silent night, As fragrance from a flower fills the air. You may not see the flower, and yet you feel Its presence by its sweetness. So it seemed That all about us, earth, and air, and sky, Was eloquent of mother and the love That is as strong and steadfast as the sea, And most like God's. Next day they let me in To mother's room. They fancied I would be BROTHER AND LOVER. 15 Afraid of the still form from which the soul Had flown away, as the long-captive bird Plies from the cage behind whose prison bars So long its home has been, when some kind hand Sets wide the door. I bade them go away And leave me with my dead. Afraid ? Not L What was there I should fear ? They shut the door And left me with the mystery of death. Filled with an awe that was akin to fear, I lifted the white cloth that hid her face. Was that my mother ? Had I ever kissed These lips of marble, upon which the seal Of an eternal silence seemed to be ? The dead face wore that awful, sphinx-like look Which gives such dignity to death. It seemed As if behind the frozen mask was hid All wisdom, and the secret no one knows Until he learns it from the lips of God, In that supremest moment when the soul 16 BROTHER AND LOVER. Puts off the garments it has worn, and stands Naked before its maker. Long I stood And looked on that white face. At last I felt A crushing sense of isolation creep Upon me, for it seemed as if no more Would mother comprehend the things of earth. Remembrance of it must be blotted out In the great transformation death had made. I hid my face— I could no longer look Upon the form before me, and I wept In heart- sick, hopeless sorrow. By and by I heard a step, and thought to run away To hide my grief. But as the steps drew near, I knew who came, and checked my suddeu flight. BROTHER AND LOVER. 17 The door was opened softly, and John Earle Looked in. Upon his thoughtful face I saw An earnest look that touched me like a word That goes straight to the heart because it means So much. He saw me standing in the gloom, And came and stood beside me. "See," he said, "I brought some pansies," and held out his hands Full of the flowers most like human things Of any flowers that grow. "I brought them, Ruth, Because I knew she loved them." That was all, But it was quite enough. He understood My sorrow's sacredness. Such sympathy Is sweet as rain is in the time of drought To parched and thirsty meadows. It was told In language wordless, but more eloquent Than any words can be. I took his flowers — Purple and azure, with such golden hearts It seemed as if they had condensed the warmth And brightness of the June in them, and put 18 BROTHER AND LOVER. Some in my mother's hand, some on her breast. They seemed to take away the far-off look The marble face had worn, and make it more Like mother's face to me. He turned away In silence, with grave eyes ; and I went out With him, and shut the door upon the dead. Next day they buried mother on the hill, Where father's grave was, underneath a tree Where birds built nests and sang their summer songs As if they had no thoughts of death or loss, — No sorrow such as comes to human hearts, Sooner or later. Up the hillside road We followed her whom kind hands bore away From the old home. We might go after her, Not with her, as of old, to the grave's brink: But there our feet must pause; we might not pass The boundary of this world. We must await God's own good time before we entered in To know the mystery of that Other World Which lies so close to this, — a sod between The Here and the Hereafter. BROTHER AND LOVER. 19 As we went, John walked with us, with Robbie's hand in his ; And when they let the coffin down, I saw That he had coaxed the boy to look away From the sad sight made by a closing grave. Such a kind, thoughtful heart was his that he Would always seek to keep from other eyes The sad sights of this life. When the last sod Was heaped o'er mother's face, I turned away With Robbie from the spot, and we went down The old path to the river, where the trees Would hide from sight the new grave on the hill. I dropped down in the grass and hid my face, And sobbed out " Mother— mother." Did she hear ? Or was her heart so filled with solemn awe Of Heaven's ineffable glory and of God There was no room, just then, for thought of me? ■ ' Won't mother come back to us any more ? " Asked Robbie, creeping closer to my side. 20 BROTHER AND LOVER. " How can she ? " was my answer. For my grief Was like a cloud that stretched across the sky, Hiding the sunshine of a childish faith In what the mother I had lost had taught Me to believe. "But don't you know she said That we could tell her things? If she has gone ' Way off, and won't come back, we can't do that." "I know she told us so," I answered him ; "But oh ! " — the world- old cry of sorrow,— "she Has gone out of our lif e. " And then I dropped My tear- wet face down in the grass that seemed To listen with a silent sympathy, And leaned to touch my cheek with fingers kind, As if it knew the comfort a caress Can give to grieving hearts. "Then, Ruth," a voice Said close beside us, grave and gentle-toned, — John's voice — "you must not think there's no one left BROTHER AND LOVER. 21 To love you, now your mother's gone away, For, Ruth, /love you. 7 ' " Yes," I made reply, "But not as she did." "That is true," he said ; "No other love is like a mother's love, And yet there may be love as strong and true. You'll let me love you as your brother does, Won't you, dear Ruth % " " Yes, if you will," I said ; "But all the love I ever have to give Shall go to Rob. I'll keep it all for him." Then Robbie looked at me with wondering eyes, And asked, "Won't you love Johnny, Sis- ter Ruth ? /love him, lots and lots." "I'll be his friend," I said, " one of his best and truest friends ; But mother would not like to have me share The love I promised I would give to you Between you and another. All for you, For you, dear Robbie, will I keep my love, But John shall stand next to you,— as a friend," 22 BROTHER AND LOVER. In those long days of loneliness and loss, John's friendship was the staff on which I leant. He understood me as no other did. He often came to talk with me of her Whose feet had crossed the threshold of the world Invisible to us, and when he spoke Of her as out of sight, yet near— so near— And knowing, as of old, our needs of her, His words were very sweet to listen to. " She comes to you in other than old ways," He said to me. " She tells you in a flower That she remembers; and you dream of her, And think that she is near you. Who shall say 'Tis nothing but a dream ? I always see Her face in pansy blossoms, for you know She loved the pansy best of any flower. My mother loved no other flower so well As lilacs ; and each year at lilac-time I feel a strange, deep gladness, for it seems As if my mother had come back to me In the sweet blossoms. I have sometimes thought It may be that the flower we love the best BROTHER AND LOVER. 23 When we are here on earth, becomes, when we Are dead, the messenger of tender thoughts To those we left behind us, and we tell In bloom and fragrance, messages of love That Heaven makes sweeter. So, in lilac- time, I whisper to the blossoms, and it seems As if they understood me. When a breath Of fragrance comes, at morning or at night, To greet me from the lilacs at the door, I think, ' She has a loving thought for me,' And I am glad — so glad." His eyes were bright With pleasure at the fancy. "I shall try To think my mother comes to me like that," I said. And when, next morning, I went up To sit by the new grave beneath the elm, I found a bunch of pansies blossoming there, And knew well where they came from. Every flower Seemed beckoning me, as if in eagerness To tell me something. 1 knelt down beside The grave o'er which the summer's gentle hand Had spread a coverlet of green, whereon The June's deft fingers wrought a broidery 24 BROTHER AND LOVER. Of fairy-fine conceit, and kissed each flower As if I kissed my mother's face. It seemed — Perhaps it was but fancy, or the wind, Maybe, among the branches of the elm — As if some voice in whisper spoke my name, And, to my ear, it sounded like Tier voice, Far-off, as out of Heaven. And I was glad. Our fancies, though we know them to be such, Make little spots of beauty in our lives ; And Grod be thanked that fancies come, say I, To cheer us all along the road of life. It seems to me, whenever I look back To childhood, that the years that lie between The cradle and the time when we are grown To man's and, woman's estate, are like a dream. It is like drifting down a sunny river, From morning to the noontide, past the shores That slip away behind our little boat Unnoticed, unregretted. Not a cloud Of care to blot the sunshine as we look Ahead, but never back, with eager eyes, Imagining that the hills whose peaks we see BROTHER AND LOVER. 25 Beyond us, and far off, are fairer far Than those receding from us, as we drift All dreamily down the windening stream of time. Before we are aware the morn is past — Has vanished like the rose of yesterday,— And we have reached the hills that seemed far off A little time ago. No dreaming for us now. " Dreams are for childhood and old age," we say. It is for us to do the work of life As best we may, and with brave, hopeful hearts We look about us, eager to begin. Alas, how many weary in the strife, And long to have it over, and lie down Beneath the shelter of the grass to rest. So from our dream of childhood Rob and I Woke suddenly, one day, to find that we Were man and woman. " Do— you comprehend The mighty meaning in that little word, A man," I asked. "God grant that you may be 26 BROTHER AND LOVER. A man in deed and thought as well as name.' 7 u God helping me, I will," he said, and put His loving arms about me with a kiss, As if to set the seal of love upon The promise he had made. No one can know How much I loved my brother. Upon him I lavished the affections of my heart, Giving him all, and keeping nothing back. With him to love, I felt no need of friends, And so my friends were few. Now, looking back Along the stream on which we drifted down To manhood and to womanhood, one face, And only one, looks out of memory, Beside Rob's face, and that one is John Earle's. It brightens and blends in with all my thoughts Of childhood's time, as oft a memory Of melody heard on some happy day Comes back to haunt us in some after year. Always, when Robbie was away from me, He was with John ; two boon companions, they; I often felt a pang of jealousy J BROTHER AND LOVER. 27 When Rob would come from some long talk with John, Or row upon the river, or some tramp Among the woods and hills, because he spoke Such eager and enthusiastic words of him. I could not bear the thought that Robbie cared For any one but me. I cannot tell Why I was selfish as I was, or why I so ignored all others for his sake In such a selfish fashion. It was not Because he wished to have it so, for he Had many friends, and friendship for them all. And I knew, too, he would have liked it well If I had given to each one a share Of the affection kept for him alone. As I look back, to-day, I see wherein I erred in keeping all my love for him. God does not mean that we should give to one The whole, when others justly claim a share. The friendship of the human heart belongs To many, not to few. The meadow rose May have one bee it cares for most of all, And therefore keep its sweetest sweets for him, Because of that it should not close its cup To every other one. 28 BROTHER AND LOVER. Sometimes, the thought That some day there would come a change would cross My heart like a dark shadow. It might be A fairer face than mine would come between Me and the brother that I loved so well, And weave its spell about him, and would claim Part of the love I wanted wholly mine. Something of this I said to him one day, In laughing way, my arms about his neck ; My words were lightly spoken, but I meant Them all, and more. "Afraid of losing me I " He laughed, and kissed the dimple on my cheek — His "kissing- spot" he called it— (To this day I let none kiss me there, because it seems His, and his only.) "Do not worry, Ruth; No one shall come between us." Brother mine, Over the hill upon the Heaven- side, Nothing has come between us, and I know That nothing ever can. Thank God for that. The only difference that the years have made BROTHER AND LOVER. 29 Is, that he who was mine on earth is now Mine in the world of God. One day when Rob stood with me on the porch Beneath the brier roses, where the bees Were humming slumbrous music as they sucked The nectar from the fragile, fragrant cups That seemed o'erflowing with the sun's rare wine, He put his arms about my neck and said : " You've often talked to me as if you feared Some one would steal away my love for you; As if they could," and then he bent to kiss My face in boyish fashion. "JSTow I think I am the one who should be most afraid, Because,"— and then he took my face between His hands, and looked into my eyes, — u because I know of some one whom I count as friend Who'd like, I think, to rob me of my -Ruth." I felt a wave of color rise and break Across my cheek. I knew full well he meant 30 BROTHER AND LOVER. That John, his friend and mine, had showed to him His heart, in some unguarded hour, and there Rob read the story of a love untold, As yet, in words. A woman often feels The coming of a love before she hears Its footsteps on the threshold of her soul, And, standing there, timid yet bold, it knocks For entrance at the portals of her heart, As those who sit in silent thought alone Will feel a presence that they have not seen Or heard, and lift their eyes to meet the glance Of some one standing near. Though to myself I had not said, in just so many words, That John Earle was my lover, I had felt His friendship had a tenderer quality Than ordinary friendships have. No word Of his had ever told as much to me, And yet, I knew it. I could feel the truth. I felt, as any woman will, a thrill Of pleasure at the thought of being loved BROTHER AND LOVER. 31 In such a way. When her first lover comes, A woman's heart is like a bud that feels The sunshine on its folded leaves— a stir Of new, strange gladness in its hidden depths, — And then some burst into a sudden bloom And yield their fragrance to the subtle power That opens the waiting flower ; but I said, " I have no love to give him in return ; It all belongs to Rob." So I would keep My heart shut 'gainst the warmth of love's sweet sun. "We will be friends," I said, "the best of friends, But nothing more, for fate has willed it so." The nation's time of trial was at hand. We heard, far off, the mutterings of a storm, And in the Southern heavens we beheld A cloud of threatening blackness gathering Along the horizon, and all men felt Forebodings of the evil days to come. . One April afternoon I leaned across The window-sill to watch the world grow green, 32 BROTHER AND LOVER. While I was waiting for Rob's coming home, And wondering why it was he staid so long. At last he came, and ere he reached the gate I noted an excitement in his face, — A pale stern look whose strangeness fright- ened me. " Something has happened to him," was my thought, And I ran out to meet him anxiously. " What is it, Rob ? " I cried. u How pale you are ! I never saw you look like this before. 7 ' He took my hand in his, and from his eye<> Flashed out the story he had come to tell In eager and impetuous words : " O, Ruth ! There's going to be war. You'll scare' believe, But it is true, — they've fired upon our flag At Sumter. They have dared to do a deed That sets the hearts of Northern men on fire, And we will not sit down with folded hands, And wonder at it. We're not cowards yet ! We will not see the old flag in the dust, Trodden by traitor feet, and make no sign. We'll prove to them the old blood courses yet In Northern veins." BROTHER AND LOVER. 33 I answered not a word, But sat down on the door-step, white and faint. I closed my eyes. Before me swiftly passed A vision : and I saw a lonely hill, A nd on its sunny side, beneath a pine, A low, green grave, — unmarked by any stone, Or aught to tell who had found slumber there. "What is the matter, Ruth? 7 ' my brother asked. " Why, you are pale as death. Ruth, are you ill ? " "Not ill, but frightened, Rob," was my reply. I saw what was to be. I'd often feared Some fairer face than mine — some woman's face — Would lure my brother from me. Now I knew The face whose power I had dreaded so Was the stern face of Right— our Country's face. 34 BROTHER AND LOVER. I put my hand in his, and sunset fell About us peacefully, but the old peace was gone. Henceforth the days would never be the same As they had been. We sat there, speaking not, Till the last glow of crimson faded out In gloom in the far west, as on the hearth The flame dies out in ashes. "Ruth," he cried At last, with flashing eyes, "can it be true ? I can't help thinking of it." "Don't," I said, And put my hand over his eyes to hide The excitement in them. "Surely it can make Xo difference with us." Then he cried out In eager way— I hear the brave words yet — "Ruth, would you have your brother stay at home If he was needed by his Country \ No ! I know you would not. You're too brave for that. You w T ould despise a coward." How his face Kindled, as if the sunset lingered yet Above the hills, and flashed its light on him, BROTHER AND LOVER. 35 My loyal-hearted brother, as lie stood On the home threshold over which his feet Would soon go forth, never to make again The music of beloved footsteps there. u But you are all I have on earth," I cried. How can I let you go ? " and all my heart Was in the cry. From other hearts than mine — So many, many hearts in North and South— That same sad cry went up in those dark days. When the land waited with abated breath The breaking of the storm so close at hand, — The dread simoom that strewed the hills with graves, And made the valleys places of the dead ; When Sorrow sat by every hearth, and tears Were dropping swiftly like the sands that mark The passing "moments in the glass of time. We heard a step. John Earle came up the path, And said " Good evening" to us. Silently We made room for him on the step, and he 36 BROTHER AND LOVER. Sat down beside us. Ere ten words had passed Between us, Rob broke out about the news From Sumter, and one glance into John's face Told me that he was in the mood to feel And sympathize with Rob's excitement. I Rose up and went away. I did not care To listen to them, for I knew full well What they would talk about. So I went down The garden path, bordered by two long rows Of stately lilacs, growing faintly green In the sweet weather of the April days, And sat there, thinking, thinking, while the sound Of their eager voices broke upon my ears Discordantly. The night was filled with peace, But not my heart. For me all peace had fled; The shadow of a parting lay across The way before me, and I could not see The ending of the pathway. But I saw Again that green hill, sloping to the sun, And the low grave upon it, 'neath the pine. I never shall forget the day when Rob And John enlisted. It was in the May, BROTHER AND LOVER. 37 When all the world was beautiful to see. The trees were putting on their summer dress, And here and there, in little wayside nooks, Pale violets bloomed, and shy wakerobins made Bright spots among the shadows, and the air AVas full of delicate odors, and overhead The restless bluebird soared, and seemed to be Embodied song, that God had dowered with wings, And all about us larks and robins sang In bush and treetop, in the warm, bright sun, As if their hearts were running o'er with joy. The bees were gathering in their early stores From willows by the brookside, and I watched Them flying to their hives, with laden thighs, All covered with the gold of pollen-dust. Sweet sights, sweet sounds on earth and in the air, A s if there was no sorrow, and grim war Was something dreamed of , that could never come To break the peace about our little world. I sat there sowing 'neath the cherry tree — Sewing and thinking. Suddenly I heard 38 BROTHER AND LOVER. A sound like distant thunder, low and deep. And mingled with it was another sound That made my heart stop beating when the wind Blew toward me from the village. Faintly shrill Above the beat, beat, beating of the drums, A strain of martial music rose and fell. I shuddered at the sound. In it I heard The words and tears of parting, and the sob Of those who lingered by the hearth of home When those they loved had gone away to fight The battle for their Country ; and I heard The cry of dying men on battle fields, Where blood ran like a river ; and I saw The vacant places in the stricken homes ; The widow with her children, bowed in grief,— The mother mourning for the son she loved, — The maiden widowed ere she was a wife. The sun was low when Rob came home to me. I heard his footsteps on the hillside road, And went to meet him at the gate. I knew, In one swift moment, when I saw his face, BROTHER AND LOVER. 89 That lie was mine no longer. I could keep My Rob no longer in the nest of home. His wings were fledged for flight toward the south. " You're going, Rob," I cried, and reached a hand To draw him to me. " I can read the truth My brother, in your eyes.' 7 " Yes, dear,' 7 he said, And put his arms about me and bent down To kiss my cheek. "I cannot linger here And hear my Country calling, in her hour of need, Vainly for help. You would not say one word To keep me here, if it were left to you, — I know you would not. Better than yourself I know the brave and loyal heart that beats This moment in your bosom. Duty calls, And you would be the last, dear Sister Ruth, To bid me turn deaf ears to such a call. I go away, but some day I'll come back, God willing, but if not " He said no more, But lifted up my pallid face to his, And looked into my eyes, and in that look 40 BROTHER AND LOVER. I read so many things ! I saw liow hard It was for him to leave me, and I drove The starting tears back to their fount again, Resolved to bear my share of sorrow's load As bravely as I might. I would not add One feather-weight to make his burden more, By weak repining or by selfish grief. My love for him should give me strength to make ?\Iyself a helper in this hour of need. " And John is going too," he said, as we Went up the path together, hand in hand. " Oh, he is such a noble fellow, Ruth — You should have heard him when he spoke to-day. Such ringing, earnest words. They thrill me yet. It was as if the very voice of Freedom spoke. They cheered and cheered him when his speech was done. "I practice what I preach," he said, and put His name down first on the enlistment roll, And — mine stands next— I could not help it, Ruth. You do not blame me— and you under- stand J " BROTHER AND LOVER. 41 " Yes, Rob, dear Rob, I understand,' 7 1 said; "I cannot blame you." And a thrill of pride In him, my hero, made me almost brave, And for one moment— one— I half forgot The sorrow and the lonesomeness of life Without him. Then tears came and hid his face Away from me. I could not see the hills For many moments. By and by John came. His hands were full of pansies. "See," he said, "I found them on her grave and gathered them For you." I took them, thanking with a look The kind, true heart that had such tender thoughts For those he loved; and some I gave to Rob. For were they not sweet messengers of love From mother to her children ?— some for him And some for me, — and each should have his share. I left them, by and by, to talk of plans I could not listen to and hold my peace. It seemed as if I must cry out, " No — no," 42 BROTHER AND LOVER. Beat back the threatening sorrow with fierce hands, And bid it not to cross the threshold stone; Cry, "Seek some other home, but oh, spare mine — Spare mine and me." And then a sense of shame For selfish thoughts like these came over me. What was I, more than others, that the pain Of parting and of loss should pass me by ? I wandered down the lilac-bordered path, And, curiously, while I thought of other things, I saw the blossoms nodding on the branch, The pale, white moonlight silvering the world, And heard the brook's low song, as down the hill It ran to find the sea. Strange, is it not, That in an hour of grief such common things Force cognizance of themselves ? At last John came to join me in my restless walk. We did not speak at first, but to and fro We paced among the lilacs. Then I thought About his fancy of the fragrant flowers And his dead mother's love, and broke a branch BROTHER AND LOVER. 43 And put it in his hand. He understood The thought that prompted me to give the flower, And smiled, and held the branch against his face In a caressing way. Then by and by He reached and took my hand. "Dear Ruth, 77 he said, "There's something I must say to you to- night. I love you, Ruth. Though never put in words, I think you must have known for many a day The truth I tell you now. I want to take Away with me the tender memory Of one who waits for me, who prays forme, Who loves me, and will be my wife when I Come back, if that should be. Oh, may I, Ruth J » The love-light kindled in my lover's eyes, And made me think of nights when up the sky I saw the silver glory of the moon Leap from behind the hills and drive away The darkness and. the shadows, till the world 44 BROTHER AND LOVER. Was like a new-created one, all pure As if just from the great World-Maker's hand. "Dear John, best friend I ever had, 77 1 said, "Save Robert and my mother, I can give Friendship for friendship, but the love you seek I keep for Robbie, and for him alone.' 7 "I ask no love like that, 77 he said. "I want A different love. You can love me as I Would have you, Ruth, and love Rob none the less. 77 " You cannot understand me, John, 77 I said; "I'm sorry for your sake, so sorry, John — But what you ask it is not mine to give." "I will not take an answer now, 77 he said "Think over it. Before I go away ril ask for your decision. 77 "It will be The same, 77 I answered. BROTHER AND LOVER. 45 All that night I thought Of what he said to me, and I was filled With a strange gladness and a deep unr< The memory of his words made pleasant sounds Among my wakeful dreams, as if a song Was tangled in my heart strings, making there Sweet, vibrant echoes of the music's theme. And I would half forget all else to hear The melody. Then suddenly the thought Of Rob would come, and I would feel untrue To him. And so I made myself believe That I could never love him as I ought And love another : In my heart was room For one, and only one. Oh, those last daj^s. When parting's shadow hung o'er every- thing. I felt it in the garden and the house, And sunshine could not frighten it away. Not all the sunshine in the world, it seemed. Could make a brightness in the long day's gloom. It made the spring seem like the lonesome days Of fall, when all the loveliness of earth Is passing from us. I knew well enough 46 BROTHER AND LOVER. When I saw Rob look into the old rooms, And linger by the places where we played When we were happy children, that he thought It might be the last time. Oh, these "last times. " — And always, when I saw it, I would hide Myself away from him, and in my room Would "have my cry out," as we women say, Before I joined him. The day came at last When they must go— when good-byes must bo said. Rob came home from the village in his suit Of "army blue." How brave the dear boy looked. And then the swift tears came and blurred my eyes, And through the mist I saw him with a glow Of light about his head, like aureoles The saints wear in old pictures. Of those hour-. My last with Rob on earth, I cannot talk, Their memory is too sacred. BROTHER AND LOVER. 47 By and by, John Earle came in to say good-by, and ask What answer I had to give him. "Is it yes Orno?" heasked. " I hope, Ruth, it is yes." ' ' But it is not," I said. ' ' Forgive me, John,— Oh, friend of many years, tried friend and true I It hurts my heart to think I give you pain When you have asked for love." His eyes had been Full of a hopeful light, but at my words That light died out of them. I saw his lip Quiver like a grieved child's before he spoke. " Well, if you cannot give the love I ask, 'Tis better I should know the truth, " he said, " Than go on hoping when the hope at last Must come to nought. Oh Ruth, the hope was sweet — So sweet." He paused, for tears were in his voice, And choked him for a moment. " But you know Your own heart best. Oh, are you sure, Ruth, Quite sure it cannot be % " 48 BROTHER AND LOVER. " Quite sure," I said, And made the words as tender as I could, For pity made my heart ache for the man "Whom, love made tenderer than a woman is In any mood, save that a mother feels When on her breast she holds the little child God has just given her. " Remember, John, I'll always count you as my dearest friend, My one friend next to Rob. Try to forget You ever thought of me as else than that." "It is not easy to forget," he said. ' ' Love dies at no one's bidding. But enough, I'll trouble you no more with useless talk Of hopes and dreams that never can come true." " You do not blame me, John ? " " Why should I, Ruth? There's nothing 1 can blame you for. ' If I Have reared a house on unsubstantial sand What blame belongs to others if it fall i Blame you, indeed ! No— no ! But always, Ruth, Remember that I am your truest friend, And come to me for proof in time of need. Wow shall we say good-by ? " BROTHER AND LOVER. 49 I put my hand in his. "God bless you, John/' I said in broken words. c ' For my sake, John, take care of Rob, and bring My brother back to me. God bless you both, And keep you safe shall be my hourly prayer. Good-by— good-by." He bent and kissed my cheek : "For what I hoped might be," he said. It was As if a mourner should stoop down to kiss His dead before the grave hid it from sight. Alas, for all the hopes that fade and die As flowers do, in the frost. "Ill care for Rob For your sake and for friendship's, never fear; He is my brother by the kin of love If not of blood." And then— " Dear Ruth, good- by For a long time, and, it may be, forever — God knows, not we. I leave you in His keeping." And. then he went away. Ere long, Rob came. 50 BROTHER AND LOVER. "It's time for me to go," lie said. "Come, Ruth, I'm going by the churchyard, for once more I want to see her grave. So come with me, There's where we'll say good-by." And hand in hand, As we had gone so many times before But never would again, we two went out Through the old garden and the gate, And up the winding hill-road, speaking not, But each was thinking over sorrowful thoughts For which there is no name, and which can find Utterance in but one word, and that "good- by." When half way up the hill he stopped and looked, With yearning, wistful eyes, back to the house That he was going from forever. Then my heart Forgot its bravery,— all but its grief, And made its moan, "How can I let you go?" "Don't, Ruth," he said; and I choked down my tears— BROTHER AND LOVER. 51 Or made a mighty effort to, and failed, — And we went- on together up the hill And into the old churchyard. Mother's grave Was purpled o'er with pansies. He knelt down And touched them with caressing hands, and said, " Dear little things ! I wonder if she knows % " And then a wind stirred all the blossoms there, And set them nodding, nodding ' ' Yes, she knows." "Dear Ruth, if I should die—" And then a sob Choked him, and for a time he could not speak, While in my ears kept ringing like a knell, "If he should die." At last, he spoke again : "If I should not come back, don't think of me As so far off you cannot hear my voice Or see me, but close by, as mother is, — She told you how it was. Death cannot break The tie that binds your heart and mine, dear Ruth. 52 BROTHER AND LOVER. You may be here, I in tlie world of God, But all there is between us is the sod That covers me, so near the two worlds are, — So near will we be to each other still. My love will be the same it is to-day, In Heaven or here. Remember that, dear Ruth." My brother, I remember evermore ! He took me in his arms, and lovingly Looked down into my face and said to me — Oh sweet words to remember all these years— "What a true, faithful sister you have been." And then— and then — I cannot tell you more Of those last moments, for the swift tears rise And blind me, till I cannot see the page, And all the lines are blurred, as if the rain Blew in upon the words; but through the mist BROTHER AND LOVER. 53 I see my brother's face. No tears can hide That from my loving eyes — not even the grave. When Rob had gone, I could not make it seem, For many days, as if he had not died. That awful sense of absence and of loss Which follows death was all about the house. I listened in the silence for a step That never came — a voice I could not hear. I saw his vacant chair, his empty room, The clothes that he had worn, as we see things Belonging, once, to those we loved, but now No longer theirs, because they have no need Of earthly things. Then I would strive to put Such thoughts away, and bear with hopeful heart The burden of my loneliness. At night I dreamed of Rob, and woke from dreams, at morn, With thoughts of him. I wondered where he was, And what he thought about. Of me, perhaps, — 54 BROTHER AND LOVER. And all the livelong day, on tireless feet My thoughts went tramp, tramp, tramping after him. At evening, I would sit and watch the stars And think that maybe he was watching too, And there was something pleasant in the thought That we could see the same things, though apart. It made him seem more near to fancy that. Each night I knelt down in my little room And prayed for the brave boy I loved so well, — Prayed Gfod would keep him safe, and send him back ; And never once did I forget to pray For John. And so the lonesome days went by. How many, many women, North and South, Know what they were to me. They know, because, Like me, they waited by the hearth of home. And oh ! how many of them wait to-day; But what they wait for is no more of earth. Oh weary hearts, some day, some happy day, BROTHER AND LOVER. 55 Your waiting will be over, and the touch u Of vanished hands 7 ' will gladden you again, The " voices that are still 77 be heard once more, And then— oh — then — ! I tried my best to be Brave, cheerful, patient. Often letters came, Bright, loving letters, like a beam of light- That falls in shady places, and they made Me stronger for the work I had to do. If those I loved could with unfaltering hands And willing hearts do what the soldier must, Could I not pray for them at home, and wait ? That was my share of work; and if God heard But one out of the many prayers I made And answered it, then am I very sure It was well done. So two long years went by. Then Rob 7 s discharge came: ' ' Honorably discharged, " I say to-day, with pride. Thank Grod for that. It was in May that the news came to me 56 BROTHER AND LOVER. That lie was mustered out. The earth was like A child that wakes up from a pleasant sleep, All flushed and radiant with joy. The rose Was breaking into bloom beside the gate, Pink as the cheeks of maidens when they hear, AVith glad, down-dropping eyes and beating hearts, The words of love a lover has to tell ; The gnarled, gray branches of the apple trees Were like great arms, filled by the laugh- ing May With flowers to lure the bee, and freight the air With odors dreams are born of, and each breeze That blew across the orchard scattered down A shower of white petals on the grass, Like a belated snow-storm. In the elm The robin's nest, just finished, could be seen, And he was singing from a cherry bough A roundelay of gladness to his mate, Who by the nest was dreaming happy dreams Of unfledged wings. The world was glad at heart Because of song and sunshine, and the May. BROTHER AND LOVER. 57 How much, that afternoon, I thought of Rob ! He loved the blossoms and the birds so well That I kept wishing, wishing he could know About them. All day long he seemed to be Close by me, — sitting with me, — watching me ^ About my work as he had used to do, And I was strangely happy. Once, indeed, His presence seemed so real I spoke his name, Half thinking— though the fancy made me smile At its own fancif ulness, that I would hear His voice in answer to me. But instead The listening robin in the cherry tree Broke into jubilant song, and sang until It seemed as if his little throat must burst With melody. Perhaps the robin knew ! I heard a boy's blithe whistle down the road, And thought, I have remembered since, how light A boy's heart is, a thing of thistle-down Tossed hither, thither, by each breeze that blows, Knowing no care, no longing, no regret, Content and happy just to breathe and be. The little lad stopped at the garden gate. 58 BROTHER AND LOVER. Holding a letter up for me. I ran To get it, wondering if it was from Rob. ' ' A telegram, ' \ the boy said ; "it just came. It's from somebody in the war, they said. 7 ' A telegram ! I reached a trembling hand To take the message, half afraid to touch The folded paper, for too well I knew What army telegrams had come to mean To those who read them in their lonely homes. I leaned against the gate, grown dizzy, faint With terrible foreboding, while I tore The message open. There 1 read these words : " Robert was killed ijst battle yester- Only six words ! But those words seemed to grow, And grow, and grow, till all the peaceful sky Was covered by them, and the hills were hid Beneath their blackness as beneath a pall ; And everything about me seemed to cry, " Killed— killed in battle," till the world was full Of that one sound, with room for nothing more. BROTHER AND LOVER. 59 I did not cry out in that awful hour With the sharp agony that rent my heart — It seemed to make me dumb. I turned away From round-eyed wonder in the lad's grave face, And groped my way back to the house like one Who feels her way in darkness. All the light Had gone out of the world, for me, with Rob. I sat down on the threshold where his feet Would never fall again, and laid my head Down on the old, worn sill, and said, u Dead— dead " In the white silence of the summer night I went to mother's grave. There I knelt down In the tall grass, and dropped my tearless face Among the pansies that were blossoming there, All wet with dew. The touch of the dear flowers Was like a kiss— her kiss— upon my cheek. 60 BROTHER AND LOVER. " Oh mother, do you know ? " I cried ; and then I sobbed out on her grave my grief and loss: And lying there beneath the pitying stars. With pansy-kisses on my face, it seemed As if she held me on her faithful breast, And spoke to me in low and loving words To comfort me. And by and by it seemed That Rob was with us, and the mother-arms Were round us both. A letter came to m«, From one of Robbie's comrades, and it toll How he had met his death : In the fierce charge Rob and John Earle went forward side by side, The letter said, and nobly did Rob fight. " Fought like a hero, like a hero fell." Those were the very words, and there were more Of praise for him who was beyond all praise. I read that letter often, and I feel To day, as then, a strange, exultant thrill BROTHER AND LOVER. 61 Of pride in my dead hero, and I think I see the battle-fire in his brave eyes, — TTis stern-set lips, — the courage that would dare The storm of death without a thought of fear. "Fought like a hero, like a hero fell." Who needs a nobler epitaph than that ? And then the letter told me of John Earle : ' ' He tried to shield your brother from a blow A rebel aimed at him. He took the sabre stroke On his uplifted arm, — he would have saved Your brother's life with his. The surgeon says His wound is a severe and dangerous one, But they report that he is doing well. He made a hero of himself that day, And we are proud of him, — of him and Rob, Who was a favorite, you may be glad to know, With every one who knew him." How my heart Swelled when I read that tribute to my dead, So eloquent because so true. "I saw John Earle to-day. He bade me write to you And tell you that he could not; and he said, 62 BROTHER AND LOVER. 'Tell her I tried to make my promise good, And save Rob for her, but it could not be.' " Day after day I sat down in the door And thought it over. Henceforth I must tread A lonely path. And looking down the years It seemed so long before the end was reached ! Long pathways are not lonesome ones when those We love are treading them with us; but when The dear, familiar footsteps die away Into the silence of the other world. Then are they very lonely; and at times We falter in the way, put out our hand To grasp another hand, and in our need Lay hold on — nothing. Then do we remem- ber There is no arm to lean on except God's, And at such times, that seems so far away We cannot reach it. Then my heart would turn To John, as does the little, frightened child Left in a strange room turn to him who shows The kindest face, and tell him all its grief, BROTHER AND LOVER. 63 And trust him for the help it needs. When I Thought of the future, Rob in Heaven seemed far, So very far away, and my heart ached For loving words and a familiar face. I wanted some one I could talk to— one Whom I could see, and hear, and touch; and John Was all the friend I had, and he must fill The place made vacant by my brother's death. In all the world— this world, not God's, for there I had dear friends— he was the only one That I could turn to in my loneliness And find the comfort that the sore heart needs — The balm of sympathy that friendship's flower Yields in abundance, healing up the wounds That death makes when it takes the ones we love. Two weeks went by; and in that time I heard No tidings from John Earle. "He may be dead," I said, and waited in that sad suspense G4 BROTHER AND LOVER. Which tries the heart as much as grief, or more. " God, must I lose him, too % " At last there came A letter, and it told me that my friend Was fading slowly, surely out of life ; For many days he had not known the face Of any comrade ; in delirious hours He called for Ruth. Ruth, Ruth, was all his thought. "We think it best to tell you this,' ' they wrote, " For if you care to see him this side Heaven There is no time to lose, the doctor says. The end, perhaps, is nearer than we think : We know it's not far off/ 7 Till I read that, And felt how near death was, I did not know How much I loved John Earle ; but then I saw The truth to which my love for Brother Rob Had made me blind. The love that John had asked My heart would give him now, but ah ! too late Would come the boon his steadfast heart had craved. Alas, too late ! What need have they who go BROTHER AND LOVER. 65 Away from us to Heaven, of earthly love ? — The love that would have made a Heaven here For them and us. "Too late, too late, too late, 77 Kept ringing in my ears to torture me With hopeless longing and with vain regret, By the monotony of its refrain, u alas, too late.' 7 No time to lose. Perhaps he would be dead Before 1 reached him. "Oh, if love had wings, Swift wings and strong, to bear me to his side, 77 I cried, and all my thoughts went flying south Like birds in autumn, to my dying friend ; And but one prayer was mine— that God would spare His life till I could reach him. Like a snail The train seemed creeping on its southward way. " O, faster, faster, faster, 77 I would cry; "He must not die before I hear him speak 66 BROTHER AND LOVER. My name once more. O, shut the gates of Heaven Against him, Grod, for yet a little time.* 7 So ran my thoughts through all the laggard- hours Of the long day and the still longer night That made my journey seem a lifetime long. But all things end at last. The Sabbath peace That lay upon the field where death had held Fierce revelry so short a time before, Stole in upon my heart as I went up The hill to the old church which they had made A hospital, and calmed the tumult there, As if the voice of God said, "Peace, be still." I met a soldier half way up the hill. "I want to find John Earle," I cried, and then My heart stood still for fear of what might be His answer to me. "In the old church there," BROTHER AND LOVER. 67 He said, and sudden joy thrilled through my frame, For he was living yet, and I should see My friend once more, this side the gates of God. Beside the broken fence, a lilac grew,— A poor, gnarled bush with scarcely life enough, It seemed, to put its scanty garments on Each year, and yet it could not die. Perhaps My life was symboled by this hapless plant, I thought, and then a little warm south wind Blew one poor branch across my path, and lo! A cluster of sweet flowers, born out of time ! I thought of John's old fancy of these flowers And his dead mother's love ; and then it seemed As if she stood beside me, welcoming me, And I bent down and touched the lilac blooms As meeting friends clasp hands, and I was sure His fancy was a true one, for the branch Broke in my hand, and made it seem that she 68 BROTHER AND LOVER. Would have me bear the message of her love To John. With swiftly-beating heart I climbed The steps, and paused beside the open door For one brief moment, with a wordless prayer Upon my lips. I know not what it was, But God did, I am sure. It matters not What shape we put our prayers in, if He hears. I crossed the threshold. Peace was in the room. "God's house 77 it seemed, as ne'er did church before. On either side the aisle I saw a row Of narrow beds, and on some sick men lay, And some, alas, were empty. Some one came And spoke to me. u You came to see a friend ?" "I want John Earle," I cried. " O, tell me where To find him, please." " I think you must be Ruth," The soldier said and bade me follow him. BROTHER AND LOVER. 69 A strange excitement thrilled me, as a wind Makes the reed quiver, and I felt my cheek Grow pale and paler, and breath came and went In gasps— for I was near to John once more- One moment, one, and I should see his face, And hear his voice. Since then, I've often thought That when my feet have found the way to Heaven, And I stand waiting for the jasper gates To swing apart and let me in to God And all the dear ones in the deathless land, That I shall feel the same excitement there That filled my soul in the old church that day, As I paused, breathless, eager, at its door. Beyond the long aisle and the chancel's rail One bed stood by itself. " John Earle's," he said, Who led the way. I saw a thin white face On the rough pillow, and it made me think Of snowdrifts fading in the April wind, So wan it was --quite like the thistledown That vanishes at lightest breath of air ; 70 BROTHER AND LOVER. And at the sight of it my feet stood still, As they will stand when I get into Heaven, And come before the King, adoring him. I saw John's face once more. And then I saw Another thing : where John's right arm had been There was no arm now, and I knew that he Had lost it when he tried to save Rob's life. John, my hero ! "I will leave yon now," The soldier said. " He'll wake up soon, I think. Be quiet, ma'am; he's weaker than a child, — Don't let him talk much." Then he went away, And I knelt softly down beside the bed And looked upon the poor, pale, patient face Until tears came, and made me suddenly blind. 1 laid the flowers on his pillow. He Stirred in his sleep, and presently awoke. ' ' I thought I smelled the lilacs. Is it spring, And are you here, my mother ? " BROTHER AND LOVER. 71 Oh, that voice, So weak it was a whisper, but as sweet In my ears as the Heavenly Song will be. " Oh John, " I cried out softly, "7" am here— The Ruth you wanted. Don't you know me, John 3 " He turned towards me in a startled way, As if a voice spoke to him from the dead, And then— I see it yet — the light that filled His wistful eyes, and shone through his white face, And made it seem so like an angel's that The sight was full of a sharp agony for me. "Ruth, Ruth — dear Ruth," he cried, and tried to reach His one poor hand in welcome. Then I dropped My face upon it, and I covered it With kisses, and a silence deep and sweet Was round us many moments. Neither cared To break it, for heart spoke to heart, and words Are poor, weak things in such a time as that. 72 BROTHER AND LOVER. "I've thought of you," he told me, by and by, " So much, dear Ruth, for I knew that you'd be So lonely — after that." And then his lip Quivered, and the blue violets of his eyes Were blossoms, wet with sudden summer rain. "I tried to save him, Ruth. I wonder why My life would not have answered, just as well? I wish it might have been so, for your sake." Oh most unselfish soul ! How poor, how weak, I felt before the man who would have died For love's sake, gladly. Unto me it seemed As if the heavens opened, and I saw The cup of the Holy Grail— a soul abrim With wine of love like this— a soul so pure It was a symbol of divinest things. "I am so glad you came, so glad," he said ; "I want to tell you many things of Rob Before the end comes. Ah, the end ! " and then BROTHER AND LOVER. 73 A strange and far off look grew in his eyes As if already he could see beyond The lights and shadows of this lower life Into the mystery of the life with God. " Oh John," I cried, and put out both my hands As if to hold him back from Heaven's door, " I cannot give you up ! In all the world I have no one but you — live, live for me ! " "It is in God's hands, Ruth," was his reply, "And He knows best." I saw how weak he was And bade him talk no more, but try to rest. I stroked the brown hair backward from his brow, And laid my fingers on his eyes, and he Smiled as a pleased child does, but the smile Was such a wan and white one that it made My heart ache when I saw it. By and by, His hand found mine, and holding it, he sank 74 BROTHER AND LOVER. Into a quiet sleep. The doctor came While he was sleeping. He bent down to hear The sick man's breathing, and to watch his face. "I think the sight of you has done him good," He said, and seemed well pleased. " Perhaps — who knows ? It may be possible to save him yet ; A woman's care does more than doctors can In such a case as this, nine times in ten." A hope sprang up, that moment, in my heart, And flooded it with brightness as the sun Breaks suddenly from behind a cloud, and fills The world with wonderful beauty. " God," I cried, And lifted up my face toward the Throne And Him who sits thereon in majesty, "Oh spare him, spare him, spare him." Who shall say That God heard not my prayer and answered it? I love to think so : but it may have been Willed in the Eternal Wisdom he would live BROTHER AND LOVER. 75 And that lie would have lived, had I not prayed ; But still I love to think Grod heard my prayer And answered it. I know He answers some, And why not mine ? When morn's first ray stole in Along the aisle, as comes on noiseless feet A Sister of sweet Charity, scattering gloom By the soft radiance of her saintlike smile, I thought John's face wore quite a different look; There was a faint, vague color in the cheeks, A hint, a memory, of the ruddy hue That had been there before that bat tie- day When he laid down his strong right arm for Eob, And dared all for his Country. In his round The doctor sat awhile, to talk with me And nodded his gray head, in hopeful way, At sight of John's changed face. ' ' I'm glad to see That new look there," and then he felt The sick man's pulse. ' ' A stronger, steadier beat Than yesterday. I tell you what, my boy, There is no tonic like a friendly face. 76 BROTHER AND LOVER. I've seen it do what skill of mine could not Time and again, and here's another case Of wonder-working, if I read aright The signs, to-day; and my poor, baffled skill Steps back and gives the credit all to Ruth. Where it belongs. So, Doctor Ruth, keep on, And maybe in a month, if all goes well, You'll have this soldier on his feet again." The doctor's words were sweeter in my ear Than any music I had ever heard ; Through happy tears I looked the gratitude I could not trust myself to put in speech. Days came and went : and as a little boat That drifted seaward on an ebbing tide Is shoreward blown by some land-loving wind, So John's life was blown back to earth and me By favoring winds of God's great mercy; and My heart was full of happiness — so full It seemed there was enough for all the world. I never shall forget the summer days I spent in that old church. To me they are Among the best days of my life. BROTHER AND LOVER. 77 Ere long We had it mostly to ourselves, for those Who were not wounded unto death, grew strong, And went to join their comrades in the field; And those whose battle-days were done, went out To join their comrades in the land of peace. I stood by many a dying soldier's bed And spoke such words of comfort as I could In that most solemn hour. I read to them The promises of God, and tried to show, To eyes grown dim, the glory shining out Through Heaven's door, across the night of death, To light the way that leads the wanderer home. I wrote for them last messages of love To dear ones in the homes they longed to see Before they went away. When they were dead I shut the lids down over sightless eyes, And laid a blossom or a leaf between The folded hands ; and often tears would fall On the still faces as I thought of those Who waited, far away, in hopeless hope, Some tidings from the dead. 78 BROTHER AND LOVER. In those long days, When o'er our little world between the hills Peace spread its wings, making it seem to me War must be all a dream, we talked of Rob. "Oh Ruth, we were so proud, so proud of him," John said ; ' ' No braver soldier ever lived, Or died, then he was. Everybody loved The boy. If you could but have seen his face That moment when we made the last wild charge, It would have thrilled you like a trumpet- blast. So brave— so grand ! It set my soul on fire With courage I had never felt before. Our standard-bearer fell, and like a flash Rob sprang and seized the colors, and above Our heads he waved the flag, and cried, ' ' Come on — They shall not drive us back,— come on,— come on ! " How John's eyes kindled at the memory Of Rob's brave deed ; and I could see it all As if it passed before me, watching him, For his pale face would grow more eloquent Than any words are. BROTHER AND LOVER. 79 "Some day we will go To see his grave," he said. "The last thing 1 Remember, is the volley that they fired Above it. Then the red sun seemed to fade Until it was a spark, and then went out In utter darkness, and I knew no more.' 7 One day John called me Sister Ruth. "You'll let Me be your brother, now that Rob is gone." He said, and smiled in his grave, earnest way; And then he put his hand upon my own As if to seal the compact. Then I knew He had no thought of ever calling me By any dearer name. What I had said In answer to the plea he made for love He had set down as final. He would ask For such a love no more, because, he thought, She knew her own heart then, and if for me There was no love there such as that I sought, There is none now. She holds me as a friend, And loves me as a brother, that is all ; And if I can not have the tiling I sought, With what I can have I must be content. Oh John ! I did think that I knew my heart, When from his plea of love I turned away, 80 BROTHER AND LOVER. But now I knew it better. From my eyes The blindness was dispelled, and I could see The truth he could not. But I could not say To him, " If you should ask of me to-day The question that you asked me long ago, My answer would be different." I must let Him learn the truth some other way. And yet, I wonder that he read not in my face The love that was not like a sister's love. Ah, men are sometimes blind when they might see ! Such men as John must always judge, I think, All others by themselves. Their " no " to-day A year hence will be " no, "and never "yes." They understand themselves before they speak, But not all women do ; we make mistakes In our own judgment of ourselves, I know, And only time and change bring us to see The truth. Alas, how many times too late The knowledge comes to set the error right. One still October day we climbed the hill Behind the church to find Rob's nameless grave. BROTHER AND LOVER. 81 The air was full of Indian Summer haze That softened all harsh outlines, near and far, Making the world of men a world of dreams, Because it was so shadowy and so vague, So far away from all the din and fret, The want and work and worry of men's lives. We climbed the steep hill slowly. I broke off Some purple asters growing by the path, . And a great plume of golden-rod, to lay Upon the grave of him who loved such flowers As if they were akin. "Ruth, shut your eyes, And I will lead you to the spot, " John said, And trustingly I did as I was told, And with my hand in his, he led me on A little distance. Then he stopped, and said, In tender, reverent way, "Here is his grave," — As I have heard some men say, "Let us pray,"— Then went away and left me there alone. 82 BROTHER AND LOVER. And on the hillside sloping to the sun, Beneath the branches of an old pine tree That whispered ever to the roving wind Of something sorrowful as death — or life— I saw, low at my feet, all covered o'er With a snow of autumn daisies, — Robbie's grave. The sun was low when John came back to me. " Is it too soon ? " he asked, and came and stood Beside me, looking down upon the grave With thoughtful eyes. "I knew, dear Sister Ruth, You'd have so much to tell him." "Yes," I said, " And I have told it," — smiling through my tears, At him who stood there with his empty sleeve Across his breast. How brave, how grand he looked ! "If /were lying here, and to my grave You came, dear Ruth, what would you have to tell?" He questioned, looking gravely in my eyes. BROTHER AND LOVER. 83 " Oh John," I cried, my heart upon my lips, "I'd tell you that I loved you." Like a flash Of sudden light, the meaning in my words Broke in upon him, and with eager eyes He scanned my face. "Oh Ruth, what do you mean % " " Oh, are you blind % " I cried in sweet, swift shame, "I told you, once, I could not give such love To you as that you asked for. I was wrong. Oh, let me be right hand to you, dear John, — I'll take the place of the strong arm you gave For him whose grave is here. Oh, may I, John?" "Ruth, Ruth," he cried, in voice that trembled so With doubtful joy, the words seemed close to tears, " Do you say this because you pity me ? For love's sake only would I take the gift You offer me." 84 BROTHER AND LOVER. I looked into his face, With honest eyes, and answered truthfully, "Believe me, John, I say it for love's sake. 77 He answered not a word, but in his eyes There was an eloquence that in one look Told more than all the words a man could speak In a whole lifetime. Then he put his arm, Bis one dear arm, about me, drawing me To him in love's embrace ; and I could feel The swift and happy beating of his heart, And looking up into his earnest eyes I seemed to see his brave soul shining- through, As through a rifted cloud one sees the sky Beyond, bright with the beauty of the sun, And oh, what joy shone on me in that look ! He kissed me, whispering softly, " Oh my Ruth, If this is earth then what must Heaven be ? " And overhead I heard the pine's low voice Telling its troubles to the wandering wind, While in the rustling grasses at my feet BROTHER AND LOVER. 85 I seemed to hear a voice all jubilant With gladness, and I think it was Rob's voice, And he was telling me he knew, he knew ! Ah yes, he knew, and for love's sake was glad, As was the bird that from its little nest Upon his grave soared singing up the sky ? To tell the story at the gate of Heaven. THE END. Deacidified using the Bookkeeper procei Neutralizing agent: Magnesium Oxide Treatment Date: Sept. 2009 PreservationTechnologie A WORLD LEADER IN COLLECTIONS PRESERVATI 1 1 1 Thomson Park Drive Cranberry Township, PA 16066 (724)779-2111 ^v^