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HUMOROUS VERSE 
 
 ON 
 
 CURRENT EVENTS 
 
 AND OTHER THINGS 
 
 By D. V. Bush 
 
 Published ol Lake Preston, S. D. 
 By The Peace Poet and Bard of Loke Preston 
 
 A Aonthly Oelup, TakeoU & Opinion 
 
 Copy, 13c 
 
 Year. $1.30 
 
JUN 15 1916 
 
 S)CI.B:jG2 2(i2 
 
 Vol. 1 Lake Preston, S. D. No 1. 
 
 Application made for entry at the Lake Preston S. D., 
 postoffice as second class matter. 
 
 Humorous Verse 
 
 On Current Events and Other 
 Topics. 
 
 August Number, 1916 
 
 Copyright 1916 by D. V. Bush 
 
ROOSEVELT \ . v"^ \<\^ 
 
 ^> 
 
 it's reported Roosevelt will not plead his case at 
 the Chicago convention — he thinks his views are 
 known. — News item. 
 
 If every hamlet town and dell 
 
 Don't know our Teddy's views, 
 Say Citizen, I'm here to tell 
 
 It's not because of news. 
 
 If we don't know this hunter's views 
 
 It's no wit fault of his. 
 For well he knows the use of news, 
 He's used it in his biz. 
 
 If we don't know where Teddy stands 
 
 We have'nt read the press; 
 At home, abroad in foreign lands — 
 
 In the headlines he has dressed. 
 
 If -a "bear is killed, a squirrel drops dead, 
 Or a skunk should cross his trail. 
 
 We see his wonders flared in red, 
 Should the game be moose or quail. 
 
 If a prize fight's on, or a divorce. 
 If Susie elopes with Jim. 
 
-J» 
 
 He sees a golden chance perforce 
 To advertise just him. 
 
 yes. we know his views, we do, 
 ^ And what he'd do, and think, 
 
 ^^ Should some not know (only a few)- 
 
 '^ It's not because of ink. 
 
WHAT GERMANY FEARS MOST 
 
 "I am convinced that Germany will pei'mit 
 neither war nor even a break of diplomatic rela- 
 tions with the United States"***a factor on which 
 the outcome of the war in Europe easily may turn, 
 is Uncle Sam's stuffed pocket book." — Gray, May 
 1916. 
 
 The biggest purse will win the war 
 
 Says Germany today, 
 To keep the allies from our banks 
 
 Is the one way she can slay 
 The English and her enemies; 
 
 So wise old Fatherland 
 Had better keep the peace with us, 
 
 With wealthy Uncle Sam. 
 
 Before they'll break with the U. S. A. 
 
 And have our money go 
 
 To the allies and her enemies 
 
 To help her deadly foe, 
 They'll think twice, the Germans will, 
 
 They have a mighty head; 
 Yes sir, they fear our money banks 
 
 Much more than all our lead. 
 
 So she will talk with Wilson, now, 
 
 And write a note or two. 
 But really Germany is wise 
 
 And knows what she should do 
 4 
 
To have a hope to beat her foes — 
 
 So here's a toast we give; 
 "Let's settle this on friendly terms, 
 Our friendship, may it live!" 
 
CLEAN UP WEEK 
 
 Gov. Byrne has appointed a "Clean up Peek," in a 
 recent proclamation. 
 
 Roll up your sleeve, a brand clean sleeve, 
 Use apron spick and span, 
 In spotless white, such a sight! 
 
 We're s'oin<>: to clean our land. 
 
 The centuries long in the past 
 Pooh-hooed the cleaning thought, 
 
 But cleanliness we now confess 
 
 Much change in our race has wrought. 
 
 Clean up the land and barn yard. 
 Clean alley and clean street 
 
 And renovate the "sunshine state," 
 No plague spots now to meet. 
 
 Our children's children yet to be 
 
 Will wonder with concern 
 That their forbears, with other cares, 
 
 Had to wai_^t for Governor Byrne. 
 
BE A BOOSTER 
 
 Boost and the world boosts with you. 
 
 Knock and you feel alone; 
 If you're to win, thru thick and thin, 
 
 You must have the booster tone. 
 
 Kick, and your shins feel tender, 
 
 Boost and you'll put it thru; 
 If you whoop 'er up, with the great you'll sup; 
 
 Kick and you're with the few. 
 
 Boost and the world respects you, 
 Knock, and it turns its face; 
 
 The booster will meet success complete; 
 For the knocker, there is no place. 
 
 Knock and the doors are bolted. 
 
 Boost and they open wide; 
 For the knocker lad gets in real bad 
 
 And finds he's set aside. 
 
 Lift and the load is easy. 
 
 Lean and it seems too much, 
 For when you lean you weaken the beam. 
 
 And the bretchen will break at a touch. 
 
 7 
 
Boost and fate will help you, 
 
 Knock and ill winds blow, 
 With every rock you're skiff will rock, 
 
 Who tries will find it so. 
 
 Boost and your spirit is happy. 
 Knock and sour you'll feel; 
 
 For the knocker man, in all the land. 
 Is pinned by fate's iron heel. 
 
 Boost and the world is with you. 
 
 Knock and you are alone, 
 For the booster man is the one who "can"- 
 
 Boost for your town and home. 
 
 — From Inspirational Poems, by D. V. Bush. 
 
RACE SUICIDE'S THE THING 
 
 "Foi'ct" real race suic'de on flies; it's the only ef- 
 foetive method of \vai"fare against them; keep flies 
 fiom breeding.,, — A. D. Wilson. 
 
 To swat the pesky fly 
 
 In this age is too slow; 
 Now we have a new one 
 
 (Not thought of long ago.) 
 
 Race suicide the fly 
 
 That's it, why, easy, see- 
 Kill them before they're born, 
 
 As easy as can be. 
 
 Why stop with the pesky fly? 
 
 There are other pests galore, 
 Just say a hundred thousand, 
 
 A million, yea, and more. 
 
 Now there's the gossip creature. 
 How long we've sought their doom, 
 
 Race suicide the gossip, 
 
 And thus for truth niakc i-oom. 
 
 Tlic kiiOcker, ye god-;! 
 
 V,'' ve tried to keep Ir.m down, 
 And shed the world- of him 
 
 But still he sticks around. 
 9 
 
The "end seat hog" on the trolley 
 We've tried to kill or shame, 
 
 And though we've done our best 
 He bobs up just the same. 
 
 The gossiper. the knocker, 
 The end seat man, the "hog," 
 
 To clean the world of them — 
 Just suicide the "dog." 
 
 And then there is the criminal, 
 Likewise the pesky flea — 
 
 To rid ourselves of both. 
 Race suicide — you see? 
 
 The briars on the rosebush. 
 
 The stinger on the bee: 
 Race suicide's the answer, 
 
 As easy as can be. 
 
 Race suicide's the answer. 
 
 Just give the glad news wing, 
 
 But how are we going to do it? 
 Ah, that's another thing. 
 
 10 
 
FISHING 
 
 Fishermen anxiously await the opening of the 
 season. Only five days of waiting remain before the 
 piscatorial sport begins. — News item. 
 
 How slow the time is passing 
 As the fisher sits and waits, 
 
 As he gets the fishing tackle, 
 As he plans on "flies" and baits. 
 
 Is there any irritation 
 
 So irritatingly 
 As to have to wait the season 
 For the fish (and for the flea.) 
 
 Five more days of waiting 
 
 Before the season's here; 
 Five more days of torture, 
 
 To wait that long's a year! 
 
 The fishing rod and tackle, 
 
 The basket and the bait 
 Are ready, have been ready — 
 
 He can only sit and wait. 
 
 But as I think of fishing 
 
 There's another wait or two, 
 
 Besides the "opening season" — ■ 
 Has it ever come to you? 
 11 
 
The season is half over, 
 
 You've tried a dozen times, 
 You've sat and you have waited 
 
 By six or eig'liteen lines 
 
 And not a nary bite you've had 
 
 (0, 'tis a different wait) 
 You've tried a "fly", a worm, a toad. 
 
 In fact each kind of bait 
 
 But .not a nibble did you get 
 (Yes, that's a fisher's wait) 
 
 Your luck, howe'er, was just the same 
 With each and every bait 
 
 Another wait in the fishing- game 
 Comes floating to my mind — 
 
 And that's the wait for supper 
 
 When you've hauled in every line. 
 
 So hungry that a grizzly bear 
 
 Would taste like venison, 
 And yet you had to start a fire 
 
 And wait— O the fisher's fun(?) 
 
 Perhaps it rained that fishing day 
 
 And every bit of wood 
 Was wet and damp and hard to li'^ht- 
 
 You dying for some food; 
 
 You light a dozen fire brands 
 You wait and wait some more 
 12 
 
(The fishing game has lots of waitrj-- 
 You've noticed that before). 
 
 You've h.ad ac poor a meal to 'lo\''>i 
 
 As a cannibal could eat 
 But thought it was the best on earth; 
 
 No chair — the ground your seat. 
 
 And not to rest, to sleep, to dream, 
 
 Or should I say to snore? 
 But sakes alive' mosquitoes thick — 
 
 You WAIT, as said before. 
 
 You cannot sleep with a million pecks 
 
 The mosquitoes with all. 
 And so you WAIT till sunrise comes — 
 
 Another WAIT, that's gall. 
 
 You WAIT to catch a ride back home, 
 
 You WAIT to fix a tire, 
 You WAIT to buy some fish to show 
 
 What luck you had, you" liar! 
 
 Your wife, she WAITS upon you, too. 
 
 To soothe your aching head, 
 To put some salve upon sun burns — 
 
 For 0, you're nearly dead. 
 
 The work you do the whole year through 
 
 Is tame to fishing, Ned, 
 'You've had the "one time of your life" 
 But it's mostly in your head. 
 13 
 
EGG WEEK 
 
 The State Prohibition Committee decides to ask 
 every woman in the state raising chickens to give 
 all the eggs her hens lays during the week of May 
 25th to 31st for the Temperance cause. — News item. 
 
 Get up, hurry up, cinmb up, and skurry up, 
 
 The women are on their way. 
 
 Eggs they'll give, coal they'll sieve, to help the 
 
 temperance day. 
 Think now, when and how, cream and cow, pig and 
 
 sow, ) 
 
 Can help the temperance wave. 
 Suppose we save, grass or hay. the liquor curse to 
 
 stave. 
 Cow week, milk week, cream week, dairy week — 
 Why not give these a trial? 
 Good old Brindle (cow bells jingle) to give, make 
 
 this the style. 
 Wheat week, corn week, rye week and barley week 
 Why not have all of these? 
 Alfalfa week, strawberry week, and do not slight 
 
 the bees. 
 A dozen weeks, a hundred weeks, of giving we 
 
 could name 
 But won't have to do that. 
 For barley corn, John Barleycorn, will fall before 
 
 that time. 
 
 14 
 
IT'S COMING 
 
 The Booster's and Builder's Association of South 
 Dakota recommends state wide prohibition. — News 
 item. 
 
 Statewide prohibition, say the boosters of our state 
 To make a better country, wipe Hquor from our 
 
 slate. 
 The wets have tried for centuries, they've had us 
 
 by the throat, 
 But now we mean to beat them — we've stripped 
 
 our hat and coat. 
 
 No longer are we frightened by liquor's threats 
 
 and schemes, 
 But rather we're emboldened by liquor's horrid 
 
 scenes. 
 No longer do we question prosperity when it's dry; 
 We know it is a fallacy that facts have knocked 
 
 sky high. 
 
 The taxes they are lighter when the territory's dry, 
 Less men are in the work-house, less drunkards 
 
 when men die. 
 Insanity's reduced, and want and care and woe 
 Are banished from our borders — King Alcohol 
 
 must go! 
 
 The children of the drinker get more to wear 
 and eat, 
 
 15 
 
The table's spread much better; no weary unclad 
 
 feet. 
 The wife who's borne the burden of liquor's bitter 
 
 sting- 
 Is now a happy woman, just listen to her sing. 
 
 The dire fireside and pantry, the family filled with 
 
 fear 
 Is now a place of plenty, when prohibition's here. 
 So nation-wide it's coming, see the jubilee 
 When America, America, from the liquor traffic's 
 
 free! 
 
 The state wide campaign pending' will help the na- 
 tional tide, 
 
 So we will boost for temperance until it's nation 
 wide. 
 
 16 
 
SKIRTS 
 
 skirts to hnthing suits -bat to 
 
 Wonu'ii to wear no 
 have liloomers.— News item. 
 
 No skirts for lovely woman 
 .'u-e shocking in this day; 
 
 But would not be so shocking 
 In the stone age. let us say, 
 
 Or in the land of cannibals 
 
 Where man's brute force has wnig. 
 But women without skirts, to us. 
 
 Is quite another thing. 
 
 To think of women of this day 
 Whom we adore, revere, 
 
 To see them travel without skirt 
 Is shocking to us, sir. 
 
 No hats, no skirts, no nothing? . _ 
 'T31oomers she's going to don— 
 
 Oh! that relieves the tension; 
 She'll really have somethmg on. 
 
 17 
 
'APPRECIATION WEEK'' 
 
 The Builders and Boosters Association of South 
 Dakota whose primary purpose is to up build and 
 advertise the resources and leading interests of the 
 state has appointed "Appreciation Week" as it's first 
 gun on it's Booster program. — News Item. 
 
 The man owes much to Uncle Sam 
 
 Who lives within his bounds! 
 The country's blest 'bove every land; 
 
 "Uncle Sam," how sweet it sounds! 
 
 We all should stand by the U. S. A. 
 
 And boost and laud and praise, 
 But who would not his STATE, I say. 
 
 Boost too — HER fair name raise? 
 
 So South Dakota, the "sun shine state," 
 
 The land of wealth untold, 
 We doff our hats and thank our fate 
 
 We're numbered in thy fold. 
 
 On the booster wagon now we'll meet 
 
 And all the country fill 
 That South Dakota cannot be beat! 
 
 We raise her banner till 
 
 The whole world knows of our fair land 
 
 And what we here can boast, 
 "Appreciation Week" — we stand 
 
 To pledge our hearty toast. 
 18 
 
So rally, men of the "sun diine state," 
 
 Tog-other let u,5 stand 
 Aid whoop 'er up, before too late, 
 
 To advertise our land. 
 
 Yea, stand as one to tell abroad 
 
 So all the world can hear; 
 Yea, stand united, men, to laud! 
 
 For South Dakota cheer! 
 
 "Appreciation Week" is nigh; 
 
 Strike up the band and play 
 And lift our baner to the sky, 
 
 She leads them all, hurrah! 
 
 19 
 
KEEP PLODDING 
 
 If you think you're "down and out, 
 
 Keep plodding. 
 If today you're on the rout. 
 
 Keep plodding. 
 Other days are coming yet 
 When you'll win, that you can bet, 
 0, sometimes 'tis best to sweat 
 
 By plodding. 
 
 If you're tired and if you're failed, 
 
 Keep plodding. 
 Other heroes who've been hailed 
 
 Kept plodding. 
 Other men saw all was lost. 
 Other ones on billows tossed; 
 Yea, they too have paid the cost 
 
 By plodding. 
 
 If your ship has not come in, 
 
 Keep plodding. 
 For some time you're bound to win 
 
 By plodding. 
 Every ship must meet the gale 
 Every effort, every sail. 
 Must be used if we prevail — 
 
 Keep plodding. 
 20 
 
If your own's not cq^Vn/ to you, 
 
 Keep plodding. 
 Success is yours, if you but knew, 
 
 By plodding. 
 Just across the roughest street 
 There success you'll surely meet 
 And your efforts win complete 
 
 By plodding. 
 
 From Inspirational Poem, by D. V. Bush. 
 
 21 
 
SEE OUR STATE ''U" FIRST 
 
 The young men of our nation, 
 Likewise the women, too, 
 
 Seek higher education — 
 Only the best will do. 
 
 Some times we have a notion, 
 
 Or is it but a craze? 
 The best things of creation 
 
 In other lands are raised. 
 
 Sometimes we seek a rainbow 
 At the other side of earth. 
 
 When "acres of diamonds", lo! 
 Are hidden "neath the earth. 
 
 There's many a man who's debtor 
 
 To education grand. 
 Yet thinks that it is better 
 
 Way off in another land. 
 
 When thinking of your "million" 
 And your learning to pursue. 
 
 Just go down to Vermillion 
 
 And visit our grand state "U." 
 
 Investigate by all means. 
 
 Attend the classes, too; 
 Facilities, it seems, 
 
 Can satisfy e'en you. 
 
There's every kind of merit 
 From forum to the sport, 
 
 From faculty to "spirit" — • 
 The best of all, in short. 
 
 We want that you should help us 
 To make this state of thine 
 As great in education 
 As found in any clime. 
 
 So every "son of Adam," 
 Each South Dakota man, 
 
 (And don't forget the women) 
 Can help us — that you can. 
 
 See first our own domain, 
 "America First"— yes, do! 
 
 That loyalty maintain — 
 
 See first our grand State "U." 
 
 23 
 
THE TRUTH ABOUT VILLA 
 
 Villa woLiiuled; surrounded; legless; dead; alive— 
 <() it is reported in the press. 
 
 The newspapers of this land of ours 
 Must keep their i-eaders awake, 
 
 And give them a thrill — good news or ill— 
 Whether genuine or fake. 
 
 So when the war news of the day 
 Becomes quite light and dry, 
 
 Headlines come out — the newsies shout: 
 "Villa about to die." 
 
 Edition of the morning press 
 
 S-iys he is gone; is dead; 
 The evening papers say, nay — 
 
 He was but now is fled. 
 
 "Villa will soon surrender;"' 
 
 "Now caught;"' so speaks the press; 
 
 "Alive!" "No, dead!" both ways, 'tis said, 
 "Not yet. we missed our guess." 
 
 And after we are thrilled so much 
 On Villa we 11 thrill no more, 
 
 The press wil find, they're never bind. 
 Some other thrills galore. 
 
 We pay the price, the press keeps on 
 Afinding plenty news; 
 24 
 
It's fun for them — newspaper men — 
 To touch off some new fuse. 
 
 And when the news of yesterday 
 Is stale and none today, 
 
 These journal men — they have the ken- 
 Will invent something to say. 
 
 25 
 
YOUS BOY AND WAR LORDS 
 
 Staid u]i the soldiers as ten pins, 
 And rend and riddle and tear; 
 
 When half are dead, war just begins — 
 See the ghastly, deadly stare! 
 
 A volley's fired and a thousand fall, 
 Those dead, what a haven gained; 
 
 But hark! ye hear the awful call 
 Of tortured men and maimed. 
 
 Stand up the soldiers as targets 
 To please the ruling "lord;" 
 
 The sons of men but largess 
 Bequeathed by the gods of war. 
 
 Stand up your sons, YOUR sons, men. 
 
 To fight, to die, to slay; 
 When war is o'er, we ask what then 
 
 Have ye for this sad array? 
 
 Stand up your sons, YOUR sons, to shoot; 
 
 Blaze! bang! blaze! 
 They're killed like beasts or taught to loot, 
 
 It's hell that war has raised! 
 
 26 
 
stand up your son, YOUR son, today, 
 
 The boy so dear to YOUI 
 And let 'em fire and blaze away, 
 
 Be shot, be killed, yes, do! 
 
 Stand up your son, YOUR son, my friend, 
 
 To have his heart shot thru; 
 No nursing- hand can there attend — 
 
 Ah, war is reaching you. 
 
 Stand up your son to curse and holler 
 For vengeance, death and hate, 
 
 Then see him shot and fall and waller — ■ 
 "War's got him", tho 'tis late. 
 
 Stand up your son, YOUR son, my man. 
 
 And see him bite the dust, 
 All blood-besmirched — strike up the band 
 
 And play for war, for lust. 
 
 Stand up your son, YOUR son, mother. 
 
 Ah, see him sink to death; 
 Send to the front his youngest brother, 
 
 To human cries be deaf. 
 
 Stand up your son, YOUR son, mother. 
 Look! bloody is his head! 
 
 27 
 
Have you more sons? Then send another 
 To be numbered with the dead! 
 
 Stand up your sons as ten pins, 
 And see them fall like sticks! 
 
 Your sons are paying for the sins 
 Of war lords and their tricks. 
 
 So stand them up for cannon food, 
 For wai- lords to command; 
 
 It is the war lords' bloody mood 
 Brings such curse to the land. 
 
 Stand up YOUR sons for war lords. 
 
 Stand up your boys for them, 
 And let them die by guns and swords, 
 
 For war lords, kill your men. 
 
 28 
 
AND I WILL LOVE THEE STILL 
 
 Somewhere in the ag-es rolling- my soul was meant 
 
 for thine, 
 I sought you here and found you, you ever have 
 
 been mine. 
 Ive loved thee from beginning, I'll love thee to 
 
 the last. 
 My soul was made for thee, my love; our love shall 
 
 hold us fast. 
 
 The power of men and sages, empires and king- 
 doms build, 
 
 They'll sway and then they'll scatter, but I will 
 love thee still. 
 
 "When the youngest star in glory is old with hoary 
 time 
 
 We'll still be youthful lovers; with age, our love 
 will bind. 
 
 When the "Book of Life" is opened and eternity 
 
 just begun, 
 I'll love thee then and always, till the end of earth 
 
 and sun. 
 You have my head, my heart, my very soul and will 
 I'll love thee till suns shall crumble, and then I'll 
 
 love thee still. 
 
 2d 
 
I'll love thee till the elements dissolve and dis- 
 appear. 
 
 And then in all eternity YU love but you, my dear. 
 
 I love thee, I love thee! And I will love thee till 
 
 The world is burned to ashes, and then I'll love 
 thee still. 
 
 From Soul Poems and Other Verse, bj' D. V. Bush. 
 
 30 
 

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