DOWN AT 
 
 UNCLE HIRAM'S 
 
 A Musical 
 
 Drama in Three Acts. 
 
 By 
 
 SAMUEL MILLER. 
 
 'I 
 
 A FEW COPIES ONLY PRINTED FQP 
 INSPECTION AND STUDY OE PARTS. 
 
LIBRARY of 00NQRES8 
 
 iwo Copies (ieceivou 
 
 AUG 24 1905 
 
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 DO WN A T UNCLE HIBAAFS. 
 A Musical Drajiia. 
 
 CHARACTERS. 
 
 Uncle Hiram WellER, a typical Yankee farmer 
 
 Aunt Elsie, Uncle Hiram's zvife. 
 
 Nellie W , their beautifiil daug-fiter. 
 
 Eddie W , their hopeful son. 
 
 Walton Cameron, a young- collegian. 
 
 Eva Stearns, ) , . , ^^^-^ . 
 May Hoyt, \ ^ride-maids. dc. 
 
 (tEO. Worth, best man. 
 Parson Adams, officiating clergy?nan. 
 Lieut. Gov. Wayne and lady. 
 Edkins, Uncle Hirain s hired man. 
 Mrs. Edkins, zvife of hired man. 
 Uncle Ephraim, the colored innsician. 
 
 Job Porter, \ 
 
 Miles Morton, - Uncle Hiram's relatives. 
 
 Rob. Thorn, ) 
 
 JVeighbors, musicians, attendants, dc. 
 
DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM'S. 
 
 Brief Synopsis. 
 
 The scene of our sketch is laid in one of the ru- 
 ral districts of New England. Hiram Weller is a 
 well-to-do farmer with a kind, motherly sort of a 
 wife, a beautiful daug-hter and a bright son who is 
 fast approaching- manhood. 
 
 They occupy a typical New Eng-land farm-house 
 which has long- been a kind of gathering- place for 
 the relatives and neighbors; and to miss a social 
 event at Uncle Hiram's, was counted a loss indeed. 
 
 Our sketch opens with such a gathering on ii 
 pleasant Sunday afternoon in early autumn. While 
 the women are inside, engaged in social chat, or as- 
 sisting* in spreading the bounteous dinner-table, the 
 men have strolled out under the appletrees, smok- 
 ing, whittling and talking, — occasionally cracking 
 a timely joke — till Walton Cameron, a young col- 
 legian and neighbor's son who manifests a decided 
 preference for Uncle Hiram's daughter, comes on 
 the scene, when the men turn to banter him on the 
 technical terms of his scientific training, and finally 
 insist on a song, which after a little parleying he 
 good-naturedly renders in such excellent form that 
 their banter turns to praise. 
 
4 DOWN AT LNCIvE HIRAM 's. 
 
 Then the younger ones approach Uncle Hiram 
 on the subject of having- a Paring- Bee ; and just 
 as his consent is gained and the date fixed, Nellie's 
 welcome voice is heard calling" all hands to dinner. 
 
 The paring- bee is duly held mid much merriment 
 and social jollity, and ends with a dance; the party 
 having- brought with them Uncle Ephraim, a col- 
 c)red musician living in the neig-hborhood; and by 
 the flickering light of the fireplace the old darkey 
 times their feet in the cotillion and the waltz till 
 the time for parting comes, when those fresh young- 
 voices gather in the center of the room and sing- 
 their beautiful Good Night chorus. 
 
 On this night, during a little tetc-a-tetc, thosv 
 words were spoken between Nellie Weller and 
 Walton Cameron which plighted their troth; and 
 we next see them taking a pleasant stroll in the 
 iields, when they decide to go at once to Nellie's 
 parents and ask consent to their early union, which 
 is duly gained. 
 
 The wedding ceremony is performed in Uncle 
 Hiram's 'square room' , the cong-ratulations of the 
 assembled guests have been received, and then out 
 in the darkness breaks forth that well known din, 
 the old-fashioned 'Horning-'. 
 
 Uncle Hiram leads the bridal party to the dining 
 room, and then goes out with a pail of cider to treat 
 the boys; gaining their favor, and inducing them 
 to chang-e the music to a vocal serenade. — [Here 
 the double male quartette gets i)i its \Jork.) 
 
DOWN AT UNCLE HTRAM S. D 
 
 We next see our young- wedded couple in a pleas- 
 ant home, receiving- a call from a political commit- 
 tee, who have come to offer young- Cameron a place 
 on their party ticket for an important State office; 
 his broad culture and sterling* qualities of mind 
 and heart having* already been recog*nized by men 
 of position and influence. 
 
 The election has passed, our young* friend has 
 received a complimentary^ majority of votes, and 
 in the midst of an ovation is thanking* his constitu- 
 ents, while colored li^'hts, national flag's, and stir- 
 ring" vocal and instrumental music cheer the scene. 
 
 — In one of the beautiful mansions of the State 
 capital we next meet the Hon. Walton Cameron 
 and his lovely wife, surrounded by all the comforts 
 and luxuries befitting their station. The footman 
 announces some callers, and Uncle Hiram and wife 
 are ushered in. With joyous emotions, g^reeting-s 
 are exchang*ed, a pleasant visit is had, enlivened 
 by Uncle Hiram's quaint remarks and sly jokes, 
 and then he invites them back to the old farm-house 
 for Thanksg-iving-; and they gratefully accept. 
 
 Thanksgiving day arrives, the guests assemble, 
 and a joyous, old-fashioned time is had; the hum- 
 blest guest meeting on an equality with the most 
 favored one; while music and song enliven the oc- 
 casion: the curtain descending- on a full chorus. 
 
DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM^S 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 Scene I. — Aii old-fashioned farm-house partially 
 visible at the ri§^ht{pr left), the rejuainder a side 
 yard shaded zuith appletrees, and containing- the 
 usual accessories — aii old-fashioned vjell, a g-rind- 
 stone, one or tzvo chicken cages, etc. 
 
 In the shade of the trees five or six men are 
 lou)iging and chatting — some smoking aiid others 
 ZL'hittling, while an occasioiial rattle of china, or 
 subdued ripple of feminine laug'hter is heard from 
 the inside. As Uncle Hiram comes on the scene 
 o)?e of the men addresses him thus: — 
 
 Job Porter. Wall, Uncle Hiram ! ef it wa'nt 
 Sunday, this 'ud be a purty gfood craowd tew 
 turn into yer pertater dig-o-in', eh? 
 
 UncCvE Hiram. Ay, ay ! but thar's th' trouble; I 
 never g'it th' craowd when thar's a chance o' 
 o-ittin' any work done; but by th' rattle of th' 
 dishes, und th' smell of victuals frum th' kitch- 
 in, I reckon ye' 11 all be a workin' ez hard ez I 
 care tew have ye, in a little while. 
 
 Miles Morton, (losh. Uncle Hiram! I wish I 
 wiis a workin' naow ! 
 
DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM S. / 
 
 Rob. Thorn. O, Miles likes to work. He always 
 pines fur haying'-time in th' winter, 'nd fur snow 
 shovelino- in th' summer; and I've never known 
 him to shirk a chicken dinner. 
 
 Job Porter. Hello ! Here comes young* Walt. 
 Cameron, just home from college; and naow g-o 
 easy, boysl — (B?i/c?' Walton Cameron, shaking- 
 hands and cxcha}ig'i)i§- grcethig-s all around.) 
 
 Uncle Hiram. Wall, Walton! they tell me ye've 
 g-ot niofh abaout threw at colleg-e, und I s'pose 
 ye '11 sune be home und ready tew g-ive us some 
 p'inters in th' manag-ement uv aour affairs, eh? 
 . — ( With a sly zL'i//h at the others.) 
 
 Walton Cameron. Your supposition is entirely 
 without foundation, Mr. Weller. While we are 
 taug-ht some thing-s in coUeg-e that are not famil- 
 iar to all, yet we are also taug-ht that there is 
 not so much difference between a wise man and 
 a fool; and this being- true, what presumption it 
 would be for one of my moderate attainments to 
 proffer direction or advice to men of your broad- 
 er experience and sterling* g-ood sense. 
 
 Uncle Hiram. {Patting- Walton on the shoulder) 
 Si2y, Boy! that's g'ot th' rig'ht ring* in it, und I 
 don't b'lieve yere g-oin' tew have a very sirious 
 attack uv th' big--head. 
 
 Miles Morton. But I g-uess what Uncle Hiram 
 means, Walton, is that ye moug-ht 'lucidate to 
 us what the agricult'ral papers is a talkin' so 
 much abaout — th' effect uv oxygin und nitrog-in 
 
8 DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM S. 
 
 und hy'g-in und so forth, awn growin' crops. 
 
 Uncle Hiram. Say, Miles ! don't ye be troublin' 
 yerself abaout Uncle Hiram's intrust in oxyg'in 
 ur hy'g'in, ur any other kind o' grin. Old Holland 
 g-in's good enoug'h fur me. But we hear, Walt- 
 on, that ye belong* tew th' colleg'e g'lee club, und 
 kin dew a sma't turn at sing-in'^ — naow s'pose ye 
 g-ive us a g-ood Sunday song" 'fore th' women 
 folks call us tew dinner. 
 
 (^Ardent appeal from the others,) — Yes, Walton, 
 that's the ticket — that's what we want — g-ive 
 us a song" — a song", Walton ! 
 
 Walton Cameron. Oh really, you must excuse 
 me; you are g^reatly over-estimating- my musical 
 ability, and if I should beg-in to sing", you'd soon 
 wish that we had continued the subject of 'ox\'- 
 gin and hy'g'in.' 
 
 {All hands protest )—^o, no! never mind about 
 that — it's th' song- we want — g'o ahead ! 
 
 Walton Cameron. {G jod )iatnredly,) All rig-ht 
 gents, I've given you fair warning: remember 
 the fences are low, if any of you want to escape. 
 I will give you — {Names selection.) 
 He begins a popular sacred song, and the men at 
 first exchange sly nods and winks, but as the song- 
 progresses they manifest a keen appreciation, and 
 heartily applaud and praise the singer at its close. 
 Then Uncle Hiram is approached as follows: — 
 Rob. Thorn. Say naow, Uncle Hiram! why not 
 g-ive th' young folks a Pari)ii^-l)ee while Walton 
 
DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 9 
 
 is home? You 've got th' room and th' apples, 
 and Uncle Ephraim daovvn in th' Holler, 's got 
 th' fiddle. Why not brino- 'em all into use, and 
 have a g-ood time? 
 
 UncIvK Hiram. Robert, ez th' lawyers say,— yer 
 petition is relevant, material, und proper; und 
 besides, I was young* once myself. Fix a suita- 
 ble date, und we'll call it settled. 
 
 Rob. Thorn. Haow abaout next Wednesday eve- 
 ning-? (All express approval, and the speaker 
 eoutinues) — All right then; Wednesday evening- 
 we'll call it; and I want ye to see to it, boys, 
 that everybody g-its thar, including- Old Uncle 
 Ephraim \\ ith his fiddle. 
 
 Just then Nellie Weller's musical voice is heard 
 calling- all hands to dinner. With expressions of 
 pleasure the men respond, while Nellie coyly comes 
 forward and g-reets Walton C, and g-ives him a 
 personal escort, w^hile all pass off the stag-e. 
 
 The costumes in this scene should be such as 
 well-to-do country people wear, with just a little 
 touch of hay-seed, but not exag-g-erated. 
 
 Scene 11.^ — A typieal old time farm-house kiteheu 
 with an open fireplace and simulated log- fire at 
 the rear center; and as this scene is to be tised 
 three times, it could be a set piece well tozuard the 
 rear part of the stag-e. 
 
10 DOWN AT UNCIvE HIRAM's. 
 
 The date of the PARING-BEE has arrived,and 
 Uncle Hiram, Aunt Elsie, and Nellie are putting- 
 the room {Scene II.) in readiness for the occasion 
 l\y bring-ing" in tables and chairs, and a basket of 
 apples to be pared, quartered, cored, and strung* 
 by the invited g"uests. As they proceed with their 
 work, they converse thus : 
 
 Aunt Elsie. {Enterhig- first.) Come Nellie, you 
 and Pa must help me get the room ready for the 
 Paring-hee. To-nig'ht's the nigfht, you know, 
 and they'll soon be here. You help me with the 
 chairs and tables, and Pa will bring the apples. 
 
 Nellie WellER. {Entering-.) All rig-ht, Mamma! 
 wont this be jolly. Papa is coming- with a bask- 
 et of apples. 
 
 Uncle Hiram. {Eiitering^ and setting dozj?i a 
 basket of apples.) Thar, Mother! you 'nd Nellie 
 kin arrang-e 'em in th' pans und platters as suits 
 yerselves, und I'll g-o aout ag-in und finish up 
 th' chores.— Haf tew fix up a few poles awn th' 
 barn floor, I s'pose, tew keep thar hosses frum 
 kickin' one another. Hosses don't alwes show 
 g-ood hoss sense ef they g-it in a craowd. {retires) 
 
 Aunt Elsie. I s'pose Walton Cameron will be 
 here to-nig-ht, wont he, Nellie? 
 
 NeIIiE WeIIer. O certainly. Ma! He's to be the 
 g-uest of honor, you know; the boys planned this 
 occasion for his benefit. He'll surely be here. 
 
 Aunt Elsie. What do you think of him, Nellie? 
 
 NeHiE WeHer. O, Ma! I think he's just lovely 
 
DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 11 
 
 but— (/;/ r()}i/i(si<)}t,) — don't tell anybody I said 
 that — don't tell — O, they're coming-, Ma! 
 
 The conversation is cut short by a rumbling" of 
 wheels and ming-ling- of voices outside, indicating" 
 that the g*uests are arriving*. — In they troop, all 
 talking- and laug-hing*; the men shaking- hands, and 
 the g-irls g-reeting- Nellie and her Ma with a kiss: 
 and bring-ing- up the rear, comes Old Uncle Eph- 
 raim with his violin, who crosses the stag-e and 
 disappears till wanted. 
 
 The company lay off their hats and wraps — {At 
 the side,) and then seat theniselves at the tables; 
 Nellie and Walton C, haf>pening- to occupy adja- 
 cent seats at the same table. All chat and laug-h 
 promiscviously, tw^o or three talking- at once, {Any- 
 thing- to keep up the Jolly,) as is usual on most of 
 social occasions. 
 
 Two or three real apples are laid on the top of 
 the pan or tray setting- on each table, and the re- 
 maining' contents are made up of wooden balls cut 
 into four quarters, and held tog-ether by a thread. 
 
 The real apples are carefully pared by the guests 
 and at each table in succession a lady or g-entleman 
 takes a complete, unbroken paring, swings it care- 
 fully around the head, and drops it over the right 
 shoulder to the floor, while several of the company 
 rise to see what letter the paring has dropped into 
 the form of; and then they banter him or her, on 
 the assumption that it indicates the first letter of 
 the first name of their future partner for life; and 
 
12 DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 
 
 such remarks as: — 'O, yes! that's E. plain enoug-h 
 — that stands for Eva, and there she is, rig-ht by 
 vour side.' Or if a gentleman, — 'O, yes! J. stands 
 for Job, that modest chap next to yon,' etc. 
 
 Meanwhile the threads are being cut on the imi- 
 tation apples, letting- them drop into quarters, each 
 one of which has a hole through it, and these are 
 strung like beads, to be hung up for drying. 
 
 Finally Walton C, who has been very attentive 
 to Nellie, tries his hand at throwing an apple par- 
 ing. All watch the result, and several declare it 
 is a perfect 'N. for Nellie, you know, Walton,' — 
 and thus on, with banter and laughter. 
 
 Then Rob. Thorn, who sits toward the audience 
 rises to make a motion: — 
 
 Rob. Thorn. Ladies and g-entlemen ! I rise tew 
 make a motion. — I move that a committee be ap- 
 pointed tew wait awn Uncle Hiram, and invite 
 him tew bring in some of that new cider he had 
 made the other day. 
 
 While Rob. is standing, Eva Stearns slys round 
 and removes his chair, placing the large basket in 
 its place, and sitting down, he drops into it. 
 
 Mid shouts of laughter, he rises with the basket 
 sticking to him, and one young man gets hold of 
 his collar, and another hold of the basket, and pulls 
 him out of it. Meanwhile Eva Stearns goes to take 
 her seat, when May Hoyt deftly removes Eva's 
 chair, and sets the basket in its place, and she sits 
 down in it mid shouts of mirth from the company. 
 
DOWN AT UNCIvE HIRAM's. 13 
 
 As the lauofhter subsides Uncle Hiram comes in 
 with a tray of g-lasses and pitcher of cider, saying: 
 
 Uncle Hiram. Wall naow, young- folks! yeVe 
 worked purty well, considerin' all th' bad luck 
 some of ye've had — eh, Robert? und I'm willin' 
 tew stan' th' cider. {Pours out and passes.) 
 
 Rob. Thorn. Say, Uncle Hiram, this wont ele- 
 vate a feller, will it? 
 
 Uncle Hiram. Not when he's daown in th' bot- 
 tom uv a baskit, it wont ! 
 
 Rob. T. No no, I mean it wont ^o tew a feller's 
 head — it wont intoxicate, will it? 
 
 Uncle H. Not ez enybody knows on. Why man, 
 this cider's th' pure, unferminted juice uv spitz- 
 enberg- apples; it wouldn't hurt Domine Swaller 
 tew take a swaller uv this ! (Sounds of tuning' 
 a violin.) Say, young- people. Uncle Ephraim's 
 gittin' oneasy aout in th' other room — I hear him 
 tunin' his fiddle. Mebbe ye'd better clear th' 
 floor naow, 'nd g-it ready fur dancin'. I s'pose 
 that's what ye've come fur, anyway! 
 
 [Several voices.) O Uncle Hiram, you're a good 
 one! we'll take you at your word — here we go! 
 The floor is cleared and Uncle Ephraim comes in 
 
 with his violin. He is seated, and then: — 
 
 Job Porter. Naow Uncle Ephraim, give us the 
 Lancers. (Raising- his voice,) Lead awn naow 
 fur th' Lancers ! 
 The set is formed, Nellie being led away by 
 
 Walton C, and the beautiful Lancers' Quadrille 
 
14 DOWN AT UNCIyE HIRAM's. 
 
 is presented, while the rest of the company appear 
 as pleased spectators. 
 
 The dance is finished, the floor cleared, and: 
 Job Porter. Naow, Uncle Eph. ^ive us a waltz. 
 {Several voices,) Yes that's rig-ht, that's rig-ht, 
 
 Job! let's have a waltz next! 
 
 UnceE Kph. Whut one shell I done play, chil'n? 
 
 Job Porter. Why play th' only one yon know — 
 th' one you always play — that's good enoug-h. 
 
 UNCIyE Eph. All roig-ht. Mass' Job! 
 
 And soon several couples, including* Nellie W. 
 and Walton C. are g-liding- to the tune of the beau- 
 tiful 'Home, Sweet Home' waltz, while the fitful, 
 flickering- lig-ht of the open fireplace, the old bald 
 and g-ray darkey bending- over his violin, and the 
 g-liding- forms of the beautiful young- dancers under 
 the varying- hues of Subdued Colored Li§^ht, make 
 a picture of enchanting- beauty. 
 
 Finally the music dies out in a low wail, the 
 dancers cease, and the old musician is seen placing 
 his instrument in its case; and the company are 
 reminded that it is time to depart. While a little 
 love scene in pantomime is being- enacted at the 
 side by Walton C, and Nellie W, time is called by 
 one of the company, as follows : 
 
 Miles Morton. Time's up, young people! Uncle 
 Ephraim knows when; and naow let us extend 
 aour sincere thanks tew Uncle Hiram and Aunt 
 Klsie, and g-ive them our g-ood-nig*ht song! Line 
 u[) here naow! — (yl;/^/ the compajiy irather in 
 
DOWN AT UNCIvE HIRAM's. IS 
 
 position and sing^ a pofmlar chorus; concludin<r 
 as the curtain descends o7i Act I.) 
 
 The costumes of the men are the same as in the 
 iirst scene, while the ladies are tastily, but plain- 
 ly robed. 
 
 ACT II. 
 
 Scene I. — This scene may 7'e pre sent a stretch of 
 forest, yield, or g-rove, in which Walton C, and 
 Nellie W, are taking- a stroll. They come on the 
 scene arm in arm, and converse thns : 
 
 Nellie W. Then you are g"oing- away to-mor- 
 row, Walton? 
 
 Walton C. Yes Nellie, but in a few weeks I 
 shall complete my studies, and then I shall hast- 
 en home to claim you for my bride. You know 
 that you have given me your promise! 
 
 Nellie W. Why yes — I know — but this is so 
 sudden; and we haven't asked my parents yet— 
 what will they say? — {With emotion,) I could 
 not leave my father who has ever been so kind 
 to me, and my mother who has been naug"ht but 
 tenderness and love, without their consent; and 
 with them family ties are strong-, and of all the 
 happy homes in this broad land, none can hold 
 more of happiness than the humble farm-house 
 which has sheltered me ! 
 
 Walton C. Nor would I wish to take you from 
 
16 DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM S. 
 
 them without their full and free consent; for I 
 believe that we owe a debt to our parents which 
 all the affection and consideration of maturer 
 years cannot more than repay; and when I am 
 found wanting- in filial regard for worthy par- 
 ents, may my name be forgotten among men! Sslj 
 but that I may claim you on my return — with 
 your parents' consent, and we will see them at 
 once, that I may know my fate! {Turn to g-o.) 
 Nellie W. {Laug-hing-,) Don't you think it will 
 
 be a little embarrassing, Walton? 
 Walton C. No embarrassment shall deter me 
 when the happiness of two lives is at stake; let 
 us go at once! 
 
 They pass off the stage, and the scene lifts, dis- 
 closing the old farm-house kitchen again, (6'6Y';/^ it 
 Act i.) Aunt Elsie is working some butter in a 
 wooden bowl on the table, while Uncle Hiram is 
 warming his hands at the open fireplace: — 
 
 Uncle Hiram. Whar's Nellie, Mother? Haint 
 heerd her warble sence I've been hum frum th' 
 saw-mill. Seems kind o' lonesome like, not tew 
 hear her chirrup ! 
 
 Aunt Elsie. She and Walton went aout for a 
 walk a little while ago. He's goin' back to col- 
 lege to-morrow, you know. 
 
 Uncle Hiram. O, so! Kinder 'pears tew me 'at 
 they're a gittin' purty — 0,here they come naow! 
 {Enter Nellie and Walton.) Hello Nellie! Haow 
 do, Walton; right glad tew see ye! So ye're 
 
DOWN AT UNCI^E HIRAM's. 17 
 
 g"oin' back to skule ag-'in termorrer, eh? 
 
 WaLtTON C. Yes Mr. Weller, and pardon my ab- 
 ruptness — I have come to ask of you and Mrs. 
 Weller, before I g-o, a very important favtH*. It 
 has doubtless been observed by you that there 
 has long- existed between Nellie and me a close 
 friendship, which has been fostered by cong-enial 
 tastes and sympathies and aspirations; nor is it 
 strang-e that with younof people like us, such a 
 friendship should develop into a warmer senti- 
 ment — a desire to travel life's journey tog-ether; 
 and we come to ask 3^our consent to, and bless- 
 ing- on our union. 
 
 Uncle Hiram. Wall naow, this is jest a leetle 
 suddin like, 'nd I don't know jest what t' say! 
 Young- man ! it ud be like takin' a little sing-in' 
 bird aout uv th' home nest, tew take Nellie fr'm 
 here. But ef ye're both sot on't, ef Mother 's 
 willin' I'd be a confaounded ole duffer, to stand 
 aout, seein'ts th' way uv th' world, 'nd Mother 
 und I was young- once aourselves.^ — ^What say, 
 Mother ? 
 
 Aunt Elsie. Well Hiram, while I should g-reatly 
 miss Nellie from the old home, for she has been 
 not only a loving- and obedient daug-hter, but also 
 a dear companion to me, yet I must not let my 
 selfishness stand in the way of her future hap- 
 piness; and I know of none more worthy of her, 
 than him who now seeks her hand. 
 
 Uncle Hiram. Wall naow, that saounds purty 
 
18 DOWN AT UNGIvE HIRAM 'S. 
 
 much ez ef ye'd g-ot aour consent; 'nd naow, ef 
 an old man's blessings any g'ood tew ye, ye've 
 got that in th' barg-ain. But when's this affair 
 tew come off ? 
 
 Walton C. I shall be home for good in about six 
 weeks; and may I then claim my bride? 
 
 Uncle Hiram. Oh, it's a leetle soon — but it ud 
 prob'bly alwes be a leetle soon; so take yer own 
 way on't — th' old haouse'll be ready. 
 
 Walton C. Many, many thanks! You have made 
 me very happy! — and now I bid you g'ood day. 
 {Shakes hands with Uncle Hiram and zvife and 
 g-oes out, Nellie following-.) 
 
 ^NCLE Hiram. Wall Mother, th' old home'U be 
 a leetle lonely when th' lig^ht g^oes aout uv it tew 
 li^'ht another home; but Nellie's a woman naow, 
 und we couldn't keep 'er alwes; 'nd we'll have 
 Eddie yet — he's a brig-ht, sma't boy, 'nd may 
 be aour comfort 'nd — 
 
 (' Uncle Hiram's discourse is cut short by sounds 
 of laughter and shuffling of feet just outside.) 
 
 Uncle Hiram. {Calling aloud.) Hey thar, boys! 
 What's th' raow aout thar? somebody g-ot a fit? 
 
 15ddie WellER. {Laughing, looks in saying). It's 
 th' new hired man. Pa! He's been a tellin' us 
 haow he kin dance, 'nd so, just fur fun, we g-ot 
 'im at it— and say! th' durned feller kifi dance; 
 you'd be su 'prised ! 
 
 Unclw Hiram. Bring* 'im in, Eddie; mebbe th' 
 confaounded feller's g-ood fur th' blews. Haint 
 
DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM 's. 19 
 
 showed hisself a big* success, so fur, et anythiu' 
 else ! — {Eddie iD'ings in the somezuhat reluctant 
 man^ zvho is addressed thus : — ) 
 
 Uncle Hiram. Say, Edkins ! th' boys tell me 
 yew kin dance; und naow I'll tell ye what I'll 
 dew. — You dance off this blew spell thet's ofot 
 holt uv me, und I'll give ye half a day off ter- 
 morrer tew g-o t' th' Caounty Fair. Eddie'U pat 
 th' time fur ye, so naow roll up yer pants so we 
 kin see yer feet, 'nd sail in ! — ( The man tnakes 
 a fezu slight protests^ and then gives a rousing 
 good dance, Uncle H. laughing and applaud- 
 in/g, and Scene Hi. desccTids on the fiyiish.) 
 
 Scene III. This sce^ie represents Uncle Hiram' s 
 ''Square room,'' or parlor, ayid two young ladies 
 enter, conversing thus: — 
 
 Eva Stearns. Well now, isn't this a novel sit- 
 uation? We two chosen bride-maids, and are 
 here to decorate Uncle Hiram's parlor for Nel- 
 lie's wedding-, to come off this evening"! Don't 
 you wish it was us? {Laughing.) 
 
 May HoyT. Why, what an expression, Eva! Is 
 there not time enoug-h in our case? but if Nellie 
 and Walton wish to marry, we'll arrang-e the 
 floral decorations, and they and the Domine will 
 do the rest. — Now help me slide the g-reat floral 
 horseshoe in place, under which they are to be 
 married, and then we'll arrang'e the festocms. 
 
 A floral horseshoe might be arrang-ed to slide on 
 
20 DOWN AT UNCIvE HIRAM *S. 
 
 t\vo overhead wires from the rig-ht, to the left of 
 tlie stage, and a low pedestal for the Parson to 
 s1and on moved in from the left side. Festoons or 
 r(»pes of flowers and ribbons might be hung among 
 the wings of the right side, and the two girls take 
 the loose ends, bring them across to the horseshoe, 
 and by the aid of a short hooked handle, hook them 
 to the horseshoe. Then when the time came for 
 changing the scene, the horseshoe could quickly 
 be slid back intp the right wings again, and all of 
 the festoons would go with it. Tw^o or three plants 
 or palms might be slid in from the side to complete 
 the decorations. 
 
 As the girls work, they sing a little snatch of 
 some song, make some remarks on the appearance 
 of the decorations, etc. , and just as their w^ork is 
 completed, Eddie W. comes in to review the scene: 
 
 Eddie WelleR. Well, well, my dear girls! You 
 have just done yourselves praoud ! Why th' old 
 parlor looks like Floral Hall at th' County fair. 
 Anybody 'd like to git married in such a place 
 as this. How'd we look under the horseshoe ! — 
 ( Takes May Hoyt by the arm and leads her un- 
 der the horseshoe.) 
 
 Eva Stearns. Oh, you don't look well — I think 
 you'd look better in your mother's lap for a 
 while yet ! 
 
 Eddie W. Just hear her, will you? She's a 
 young lady, I s'pose, and I'm nothing but a kid; 
 but I'll bet a big apple that I'm as old as she 
 
DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM^S. 21 
 
 is. O Consistency, thou art a jewel ! 
 Eva Stearns. Who's a jewel? 
 Kddie WeLtI^ER. Consistency — not you ! 
 Eva Stearns. Well, I think that in the interest 
 
 of consistency, we had better g-o and g-et ready 
 
 now, or we'll be late. — {And locking- arms with 
 
 the others^ all leave the stage.) 
 
 [Note. A vocal solo mig-ht be thrown in here to 
 g-ain time to prepare for the next scene.] 
 
 The Wedding Scene. 
 
 Parson Adams steps out on the pedestal from 
 the left side, and the wadding- party come in imme- 
 diately after from the rig-ht side, in the following- 
 order, the orchestra meanwhile playing* the w^ed- 
 ding- march : — The two bride-maids first, Nellie, 
 on Uncle Hiram's arm, next, and Aunt Elsie on 
 Eddie's arm, next; while Walton C. on the arm 
 of his best man, comes on at the same time, but 
 not in procession — from another wing- of the same 
 side of the stag-e. 
 
 As they approach the Parson they form in a 
 curved line, partly facing- the Parson, and partly 
 the audience — Walton C. and best man at the left, 
 Eddie and Aunt Elsie next, the two bride-maids 
 next; Nellie and Uncle Hiram occupying- the rig-ht 
 of line, nearest the audience. All are finely cos- 
 tumed. Uncle Hiram's style alone being- just a lit- 
 tle provincial. — As the music ceases, the wedding- 
 ceremony begins : 
 
22 DOWN AT UNCI^E HIRAM's. 
 
 Parson. Due notice having- been given, Walton 
 Cameron and Nellie Weller do now present them- 
 selves to be united in the holy bonds of wedlock; 
 and if any can g^ive g-ood and sufficient reasons 
 why such union should not be consummated, let 
 them speak now, or ever after hold their peace. 
 — The brideg-room will step forward. {Best rncni 
 hands bridegToom forzvard^ and steps back,) 
 
 Parson. Who gives away this woman? 
 
 Uncle Hiram. I dew, Domine ! — {Passes Nellie 
 forward zvith a flonrish^ and steps back,) 
 
 Parson. My dear young friends ! the obligation 
 which you are about to assume, is the most sa- 
 cred and time-honored institution known among 
 men. It is the very inception of the home and all 
 the hallowed influences that emanate from it to 
 make their impress on the lives and destinies of 
 mankind. And it should be assumed, not hastily, 
 and as the result of a fleeting fancy, but with due 
 consideration, based on mutual respect and love. 
 
 In view of the importance of this relation, do 
 you, Walton, take this woman to be your lawful 
 and wedded wife; promising to love, honor, cher- 
 ish, support and protect her, in prosperity and 
 adversity, in sickness and in health, through evil 
 report and good report, as long as you both shall 
 live ? 
 
 Walton C. I do. 
 
 Parson. Do yuu, Nellie, take this man to be your 
 lawful and wedded husband; promising to love. 
 
DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 23 
 
 honor, cherish, obey and cling* to him, in prosper- 
 ity and in adversity, in sickness and in health, 
 throug"h evil report and g-ood report, as long" as 
 you both shall live? 
 
 Nellie W. I do. 
 
 Parson. Then by the placing- of this ring,(/iands 
 ring' to bridegroom^ %v ho places it on the bride.) 
 — emblem of true and inseparable union, I pro- 
 nounce you Man and Wife; trusting- our official 
 act may receive the Divine sanction; "And what 
 God hath joined tog-ether, let not man put assun- 
 der. ' ' {Extending both hands and taking a hand 
 of each,) — And now, Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, I 
 most heartily cong-ratulate you on your happy 
 union. May prosperity and happiness ever attend 
 you, the Divine Spirit ever g-uide and direct you, 
 and Heaven's best blessing-s ever be showered 
 upon you, is the fervent prayer of your pastor 
 and friend. — Turn now, to receive the cong-ratu- 
 lations of your friends. — 
 The bride and g-room face about, and the two 
 bride-maids, accompanied by best man and Eddie, 
 come forward and cong-ratulate, — shaking- hands 
 with Walton, and kissing the bride. — Next come 
 Uncle Hiram and Aunt Elsie; — Aunt Elsie kissing- 
 and blessing- them— calling- them her dear children; 
 and Uncle Hiram shaking- hands, and saying-: 
 Uncle Hiram. Wall naow, child'en ! I wish ye 
 much joy; 'nd ez th' Domine said — may peace 'nd 
 prosperity 'nd all sich, g-o with ye; und if ye ever 
 
24 DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 
 
 need somebody tew stand by ye — 
 
 Uncle Hiram's speech is cut short by a din of 
 drums, horns, pistol shots, shouting", etc. , back of 
 the stage — the old time ''Horning." As the first 
 blast subsides, Uncle H. expresses himself thus : 
 
 UncIvE Hiram. Thar they be — th' boys hev got 
 up a hornin' ! but don't ye let it disturb ye, Dom- 
 inie! all uv ye toiler me tew th' dinin' room, 'nd 
 I'll go aout 'nd pacify them fellers, so's we kin 
 hev' aour supper in peace. — (A// follozv Uncle 
 Hiram off the stag'e; Aunt Elsie with the Par- 
 son^ and the two bride-maids zuith best man and 
 Eddie W,), 
 In the midst of a second blast the scene lifts, — 
 
 {the floral deco7'ations being" drawn to the sides,) 
 
 and Scene iv. is presented. 
 
 Scene IV. This 7nay be represeyited by the old 
 
 farin-honse and yard of Scene L Act L Under 
 
 a subdued light a motley crozvd of 7nen and boys 
 
 are in front of the old farm-house, blowing, driun- 
 
 ming, firing and shouting — the discord of the old 
 
 lime horning. Uncle Hiram comes out, as from 
 
 the far7n- house, with a pail of cider in one ha7id, 
 
 and so7ne glasses in the other, saying: — 
 
 Uncle Hiram. Naow boys, ye've all done purt}' 
 
 well — that's good music ef anybody likes it, 'nd 
 
 ye must be dry. Come take a little cider 'long'o 
 
 Uncle Hiram ! ( With cries of 'All right! Ton 
 
 a7-e th' ticket r etc, they gather round and par- 
 
DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 25 
 
 take^ praising- the qitality of the cider, etc.) — 
 
 UncIvE Hiram. Naow boys, I know ye're all g-ood 
 sing-ers, und why not quit this racket 'nd give 
 th' folks inside a good raousin' song"? Come awn, 
 I'll help ye. {Here is where the Double Male 
 Quartette g-ets in its zvork; lining' nf) and g-iv- 
 ing- one or two popular four part selections, the 
 curtain descending on Act ii, as they finish.) 
 
 ACT III. 
 
 Scene I. This scene represents a pleasant room 
 in the village home of our young' friends, Mr. and 
 Mrs. Walton Cameron. They come in and arc 
 seated, conversing' thus: — 
 
 Wai^Ton C. Well Nellie, do you know that one 
 month from to-day will complete the third year 
 of our married life ? Nearly three years have al- 
 ready passed, and no reg-rets yet, eh ? 
 
 Neli^iE C. O no, Walton ! all has been merry 
 as a marriage bell. Health and prosperity have 
 attended us all along the way. We have here a 
 pleasant and comfortable home, and you have an 
 excellent position — O, it was so kind of the ed- 
 ucational board of this beautiful village to offer 
 you the position of principal of the villag-e High 
 School; and they appear to be so well pleased 
 with your work. 
 
 WaIvTon C. Yes, they have steadily favored me 
 with their approval and co-operation, and were 
 
26 DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 
 
 it not that I have loftier aims, I might be con- 
 tent always to remain in this beautiful and quiet 
 
 little town, — but {The door-bell ring's^ and 
 
 Waltoyi anszvers it. Three g-entlenien are ush- 
 ered m, zvho after heartily g'ree ting" Waltoii C, 
 are introduced to Mrs. Cameron, and after a few 
 commonplace remarks about the zueather, etc., 
 make known their errand, as follows) : 
 
 Spokesman. Prof. Cameron, we have been ap- 
 pointed a committee by the 'Young- Men's Good 
 Politics State Association', to wait on you and 
 submit the following- proposition : — Our associa- 
 tion, desirous of filling- the public offices with 
 o-ood men, and reg-arding- our educational system 
 as the g-reat buhvark of safety to the State, do 
 especially desire that the honored office of State 
 Superintendent of Public Instruction be filled b}^ 
 a man of broad culture and practical g-ood sense, 
 backed by a successful experience as a public 
 instructor; and believing that we have found our 
 man, we come delegated to tender you the nomi- 
 nation for this important office; feeling assured 
 that we can ratify such nomination at the polls 
 in November. We earnestly request a favorable 
 and prompt reply. 
 
 WaIvTON C. {With confusion.) — Mr. Chairman 
 and gentlemen : I am thoroughly surprised and 
 disconcerted at your very novel and unexpected 
 errand, and hardly know what repW to make. I 
 certainly thank your association from the depth 
 
DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 27 
 
 of my heart for their manifest appreciation of 
 my humble efforts in the cause of education, and 
 for the honor they would do me; and while the 
 responsibility seems g-reater to me than I would 
 choose to assume, yet with loyalty to the State 
 and her institutions which have given me my ed- 
 ucational advantag'es, it would be ing^ratitude in 
 me not to say, that if no one more elig-ible will 
 accept, I will not refuse. This is my answer. 
 
 Spokesman. We thank you, Prof. Cameron, and 
 3^ou may consider the matter settled — your name 
 g*oes on our ticket, and your election will surely 
 follow. And now we bid you and Mrs. Cameron 
 gfood day. — {Shake hands and defart^ Mr. and 
 Mrs, C. bovjing- them out, and then leaving- the 
 stage,) 
 
 Scene II. This represents the front of Walton 
 Cameron s village home, with a high porch or a 
 balcony. The election has resulted in his favor, 
 and his constituents are coming to serenade, and 
 notify him of his election. They come on the scene 
 ivith musical instruments and zuaving banners, 
 while colored lights help to beautify the scene. 
 
 While the band is playing ''The Star Spangled 
 Banner \ Mr. and Mrs. Cameron come out on the 
 porch or balcony, each zvaving a flag in approval, 
 and as the viusic ceases, the Spokesman 7nounts a 
 pedestal and addresses Mr. Cameron thtis : 
 
 Spokesman. Prof. Walton Cameron ! To me has 
 
28 DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM 's. 
 
 been delegated the honor of notifying- you of 
 your triumphant election to the high and re- 
 sponsible office of Superintendent of Public In- 
 struction. Our State has most emphatically 
 declared for a pure and efficient administration 
 of her educational affairs; and while we heartily 
 congratulate you, we also congratulate ourselves 
 on the much desired result; and as your official 
 duties will now call you to our State Capital, we 
 hope that yourself and family will soon take up 
 your abode in the Capital City, of which I am a 
 resident; and I think that I voice the general 
 sentiment in extending to you a most cordial 
 invitation. {Applause.) 
 
 Wal,TON C. Gentlemen and fellow citizens of my 
 native state ! I thank you with all my heart for 
 this signal expression of personal friendship, and 
 liiofh reofard for the interests which I am chosen 
 to represent; and if fidelity to the trust commit- 
 ted, and untiring industry in the administration 
 of its affairs will compensate the people for the 
 confidence they have reposed in me, I will strive 
 not always to remain their debtor. {Applause.) 
 I thank the gentleman for his kind invitation 
 to us to make our home in the Capital City; and 
 while we have been very contented and happy, 
 and shall greatly regret to part with the many 
 kind friends we have here, yet convenience and 
 duty doubtless demand that the change be made. 
 Again I thank you, gentlemen ! {Applause.) 
 
DOWN AT UNCIvE HIRAM 'S. 2^ 
 
 [ Then the Double Male Quartette line up and 
 sing- one or two popular selections, and the rest of 
 the company remove the porch or balcony, musical 
 instruments and other accessories, to the side, and 
 then leave the stage. When the song- is concluded 
 the sing-ers also g-o out, and the scene lift^.] 
 
 Scene III. This scene represents a luxurioiis 
 apartment in the city home of Mr. and Mrs. Walton 
 Cameron. Mrs. Cameron enters {finely costumed) 
 seats herself^ and takes up a nezvspaper^ zuhich 
 she appears to be reading- as Mr. Cameron comes 
 in a momoit later and takes a seat near hcTy dis- 
 coursijig" thns: — 
 
 WAiyTON C. Ah ha! taking- ag-lance at the daily 
 news, eh ? You have been pretty busy superin- 
 tending- the settling- in our new home, and our 
 reading- has been somewhat interrupted; but I 
 trust we shall have more leisure now. 
 
 NelI/IE C. Yes ! I was just reading- an item in 
 one of the city papers which particularly con- 
 cerns us. Let me read it to you : (7'eading:) 
 
 "Wed. Nov. 21. — We are happy to announce 
 that our new Superintendent of Public Instruc- 
 tion, Prof. Walton Cameron and his wife have 
 come to make their home in our city. They have 
 taken the beautiful Rexford mansion, and will 
 be a decided acquisition to our 'Intellectual Set.' 
 We extend to them a cordial welcome." 
 
 Wai^ton C. Why, that's a pretty g-ood send-off. 
 
30 DOWN AT UNCI^E HIRAM's. 
 
 isn't it, Nellie? I g^uess they mean to g-ive us 
 
 the g-lad hand, sure enough ! (The door-bell 
 
 ring's, the footman steps just inside with a card 
 from zuhich he reads: ''Lieut, Gov, Wayne and 
 Lady J''' — and drops the card into a receiver.) 
 Walton C. Show them in, Joseph ! 
 
 ( The lady and g'entleman are ushered in, and 
 Mr, and Mrs. Cameron courteously, Met not hur- 
 riedly, rise to receive them. Cordial g'reeting's 
 are exchang'ed, then all are seated and the con- 
 versation runs thus:) 
 
 Mrs. Gov. Wayne. Why Mrs. Cameron, you are 
 very nicely situated here — such a pleasant home, 
 and such a delig-htful neig-hborhood — so many 
 disting-uished neig^hbors, — I think you have been 
 very happy in your choice of a location ! 
 
 Nellie C. We are well pleased, Mrs. Wayne, 
 and after we g-et accustomed to our surrounding's 
 we hope to be very happy here, as we were in 
 the more modest home from which we came. 
 
 Gov. Wayne. I have no doubt you will be, and 
 your many friends here will endeavor to see to it 
 that you are; and with this object in view, we 
 have called to invite you to a social function at 
 **The Alhambra" next Tuesday evening-, and it 
 is especially requested that you. Professor, serve 
 as toast-master on that occasion. May we count 
 on you for that honorable service? 
 
 Walton C. We are certainly very much obliged 
 for your kind invitation, and while not coveting- 
 
DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 31 
 
 the duty 3^011 would assig-n me, yet I will accept 
 it the more willing-ly because it will enable me to 
 shift the burden of the speech making- on other 
 and abler men, ha ha ! 
 
 Gov. Wayne. Very well ! then I have your con- 
 sent — and now we must be g'oing-. Good day — 
 ( shaking- hands.)— Ait revoir till we meet next 
 Tuesday evening-.— f'i^r. and Mrs. Cameron at- 
 tend them to the door, then return to their seats.) 
 
 Walton C. Well Nellie, did I do wrong- to ac- 
 cept their invitation without consulting- you ? 
 
 Nellie C. Oh no, Walton ! It would have been 
 very ung-rateful to refuse. They seem so kind, 
 
 and so disposed to g-ive us a warm welcome 
 
 (The door-bell rings, and the footman appears, 
 
 announcing'' A man and zvoman from the country. 
 
 The 7nan says he's Mrs. Cameron's father.'' ) 
 
 Nellie C. {joyfully^ O, it's Papa and Mamma! 
 {hastening to the door, Walton C. following.) 
 
 Walton C. Show them in at once, Joseph ! 
 
 {Uncle Hiram and Aunt Elsie are ushered in, 
 and xvarmly greeted by Mr. and Mrs. Ca^neron.) 
 Uncle Hiram. Didn't know ez we could find ye 
 
 'mong-st all th' big haouses — but here we be !— 
 
 Law, Mother ! {looking around) haint they g-ot 
 
 a g-rand haouse, thoug-h ? 
 Walton C. Well now, lay off your wraps and be 
 
 seated, and tell us about the folks at home. 
 UncIe Hiram. Oh no ! we can't stay this time. 
 
 Eddie '11 be at th' depot expectin' uv us awn th' 
 
32 DOWN AT UNCI^E HIRAM's. 
 
 eight o'clock train, 'nd we Ve got tew gfit thar ! 
 
 Uncle II. and Walton C. sit dozv7i^ zvhile Nellie 
 takes Mother aside to shoiu her soine rare f>la)its^ 
 pictures^ etc. zuith zuhich the room is decorated ; 
 the tzuo apparently beijig- oig-ag-ed in earnest, bid 
 i)iaiidible conversation ; the men conversing' thus : 
 
 WaIvTon C. Well, how are all the old neighbors 
 at home — well and prospering, I hope? 
 
 UncIvE Hiram. Oh, they're all pooty well, 'nd th' 
 most uv 'em prosperin'. But 3'e know thar are 
 some folks thet wouldn't git up 'nd shake hands 
 with prosperity ef 'twas comin' thar way. 
 
 Walton C. Oh yes! there's Si. Cooper, for in- 
 stance, — How is Si. getting on, anyway? 
 
 Uncle Hiram. Waal, pooty much arter th' old 
 sort. I'll tell ye!— ef Si. had a toll-gate t' tend 
 awn some road whar tha' wa'nt much travel, 'nd 
 got pooty good pay, he'd be dewin' pooty tol'ble 
 well. Si.'s a chip aout th' old block. Si. is. 
 
 Walton C. You knew his father, then? 
 
 Uncle Hiram. Right well did I know 'im; und 
 right well dew I 'member th' last words he ever 
 spoke. — Ye see th' old man 'd alwes been a hard 
 drinker, shiftliss 'nd thriftliss, und Alf . Mosher 
 n'l sot up with 'im th' night 'e died; 'nd th' last 
 words he said, he turned over 'nd looked et me, 
 und sez'e, *'Hi. ! this is a hard world, 'nd you'll 
 dew durned well if ye live t' git aout uv it!" und 
 then he was gone, in less'n a minit'! — Oh yes, 
 right well dew I 'member th' old man ! 
 
DOWN AT UNCIvE HIRAM's. 33 
 
 WaIvTon C. And you think Si. is just like him? 
 
 UNCI.E Hiram. Wall, Si. don't drink ez hard ez 
 th' old man did, 'cause he wouldn't stir hisself 
 t' g-it it; but he's jest ez shif'liss, und a durned 
 sio-ht slower'n th' old man was. —Talk abaout 
 yer moderation, und yer merlassiz in Jin'wary— 
 w'y, that feller's slower'n a canal boat in low 
 water \—( consult lug- his zvatch.) But say naow! 
 it's g-ittin' time tew git a move on us; so I'll tell 
 ye what brought us in t'day — we've come tew 
 invite ye t' Thanksgivin'; — und naow don't ye 
 say ye can't come; 'cause th' folks'll all be thar. 
 und they'll never be content without ye ! 
 
 Nellie C. (coming-forzvard) Yes, Walton ! Ma 
 has been telling- me about it, and don't you think 
 we can g-o? 
 
 Walton C. Most assuredly I do! Nothing- could 
 give me g-reater pleasure than to meet the old 
 neighbors and friends in the Old Home again ; 
 and many thanks for your kind invitation. We 
 will surely be there ! 
 
 Uncle Hiram. All right! ii-ishig-,) then come on. 
 
 Mother, we must go naow, er we'll be late fur 
 
 th' train. Good bye tew ye! 
 Walton C. Well, wait a minute !— I'll call the 
 
 carriage and go with you to the train. {Gets his 
 
 top coat and hat and puts them on.) 
 NeHiE C. Yes, that's right, Walton ! And now 
 
 Ma, be careful and don't take cold, nor g-et hurt! 
 
 {Footman announces carriag-e, and all go out.) 
 
 wore 
 
34 DOWN AT UNCI^E HIRAM's. 
 
 Scene IV. This bring's iis back to Uncle Hircun s 
 
 'Square room , or parlor ag'ain. Aunt Elsie comes 
 
 in and bcg-ins to tidy up the room. Uncle Hiram ^ 
 
 strolling- in directly after ^ remarks: 
 
 Uncle Hiram. Wall, Mother! Thanksg-ivin' day 
 
 hes come at last — brigfht und clear; 'nd th' old 
 
 haouse '11 sune be ring-in' ag-'in with th' music 
 
 uv th' young- voices, ez it used tew in th' days 
 
 g"one by. — Haow's th' turkey doin'? Say! he's 
 
 a whopper, aint he? 
 
 Aunt Elsie. Th' turkey's a nice one, and doin' 
 well, Hiram; and th' dinner' 11 be on time, {look- 
 ing out,) Here come Edkins and his wife naow. 
 She'll help me abaout th' dinner. 
 ( Edkins and his xvife enter, and exchange fa- 
 miliar, every-day greeti?igs, — and then a loud rap 
 's heard. Uncle Hiraiii goes to the door — and in 
 troop all of the company except Walton and Nellie. 
 Effusive greetings are exchanged, everybody talk- 
 ing at once, till Uncle H. looks out and shouts: 
 
 Uncle Hiram. Hurrah ! here comes Walton und 
 
 Nellie! Come Mother, here come th' child'en ! 
 
 (Mr. and Mrs. Cameron are ushered in zvith an 
 
 affectionate zvelcome by Uncle H. and zvife. Then 
 
 they are ziarmly greeted by the assembled compa- 
 
 )iy ; and zv hen Walton C. receives Edkins' hearty 
 
 shake. Uncle H. steps up and says : 
 
 Uncle Hiram. Say, Walton ! ye want tew con- 
 
 g-ratulit Kdkins — he's been g-ittin' married, ye 
 
 know, und here's his wife: {taking the lady zvho 
 
DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 35 
 
 personates Mrs. Ed kins by the arm, a)id faeiu^- 
 her about,) — Mrs. Edkins, this is Walton Cam- 
 eron thet ye've heerd us talk so much abaout, — 
 shake han's with 'im ! 
 
 ( Walton C. shakes hands with Mrs. Edkins, ex- 
 pressing" his pleasure, a)id then says to Edkins : 
 
 Walton C. Do you dance yet Edkins? You did 
 a pretty g-ood turn at it when I lived here ? 
 
 Edkins. Oh no, (squirming') I can't dance — I'm 
 g-ittin' old 'nd stiddy naow ! 
 
 Unclk Hiram. Say Walton, he's jest a g*uyin' 
 ye naow. He kin dew better'n ever — larnt some 
 new steps — ye'd be su'prised ! Give us a tetch, 
 Edkins, 'nd help th' folks hev' a good time. 
 
 Mrs. Edkins. {in Edkins' ear,) Say now, don't 
 make a g-oose of yourself. I'm g^oin' aout now to 
 help Mrs. Weller with th' dinner, (goes out.) 
 Walton C. Yes Edkins, g-ive us a turn — I know 
 
 we'll all enjoy it — including- yourself ! 
 Edkins. {looking cantionsly around,) Has 6'//^' 
 g-one? {voices, yes! yes!) Then I'll tell ye what 
 I'll dew! Dancin's no g-ood without sing-in', urd 
 naow ef (names singer) will sing- thet piece lie 
 or she) sung- at th' picnic last summer, 'nd sing- 
 it fust, I'll foUer, 'nd do my best ! 
 (This calls for a vocal solo, and a dance; sev^ 
 eral of the company urging at the beginning, and 
 all applauding at the close of each number. Just 
 as the applause subsides Aunt Elsie and Mrs. Ed- 
 kins come in and aiinounce that dinner is ready— 
 
AUG 24 1905 
 
 3() DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 
 
 and then the scc7ie lifts and discloses the oldfarm- 
 honse kitchen zuith its open fireplace ag-ain, and a 
 houutifully spread Thank sg-iv in g- dinner-table — a 
 ttig turkey in the center. Then says: 
 
 UncIvE Hiram. Naow my g-ood people, come tew 
 turkey ! Und 'fore we go, I want tew say iest 
 one word tew th' g-ood 'nd patient folks outside: 
 — We thank ye rig-lit hearty fur yer attendance 
 und attention; und ef we hed a table long- enuff, 
 und a turkey big- enuif, w^e'd ask ye all t' stay 
 t' dinner. But seein* ez we can't dew that, und 
 knowin' by bitter experience thet abaout th* tir- 
 edest thing- a man kin dew, is t' set back 'nd see 
 another man eat w^hen ye're hung-ry yerself, I'll 
 tell ye what we zvill dew; — we'll sing- ye a g-ood 
 raousin' song-, und then bid \ e Good Nip-ht ! 
 
 ( The Double Male Quartette line up and sing a 
 popular selection^ and then the zvhole company 
 Join in a full chorus; the curtain descending' 
 ())/ the closing notes.) 
 
 FINfS. 
 
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
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