m:..*: r'V,^ ,• t,'-.^ '^ ;■•'.': ■ •■»•/■ •."'■.••>" la. t\y. v,' .XTTm " Book >f\\ ^&S 07 C4^ wAt^^*^^A^ s'i^c '^Vf^/tl /iU^i^ i^l^ TITIAN'S MOSES. A TEAMP ABROAD; ILLUSTBATED BY W. TB. BROWN, TEUB WILLIAMS, B. DAT AND OTHER ARTISTS — WITH ALSO THREE OR FOUR PICTURES MADE BY THE AUTHOR OF THIS BOOK, WITHOUT OUTSIDE HELP ; IN ALL THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-EIGHT ILLUSTRATIONS. BY MARK TWAIN, (SAMUEL li. CLEMENS.) (SOLD BY SUBSCRIPTION ONLY.) HAETFOKD, CONN.! AMEEICAN PUBLISHmG COMPANnT. CHATTO & "WINDUS, London. 1888. ^6 copyright by Samuel L. Clemens. 1879. 38^97 ILLUSTRATIONS. PASB. 1. POKTBAIT OF THE AtTTHOE, [STEKL ENGRATING] .FEONTISPIECE 2. Titian's MosKs [I ULL Page] " 3. The Author's MEMORrES [Full Page] 17 4. Tub Black Knight 20 5. Opening his Vizieb ... . ., 20 6. The Enraged Empeeor — 21 7. The PoRTiEB.. . , ... 23 8. One I iF THOSE Boys 24 9. ScHLOss Hotel [Full Page] 26 10. In My Cage 28 11. Heidelberg Castle [Full Page] ,. 29 12. Heidelberg Castle, Kiveb Frontage [Full Page] . . . 33 13. The Retreat , 35 14. Jim Baker ,. 86 15. "A Blue Flush about It" .. 40 16. Could NOT See It [Tail Piece] , 43 17. The Beer King. , 44 18 The Lkctubee's Audience 45 19. Industrious Students. .. , , 46 20. Idle Student. 47 21. Companionable Intercourse , , 48 22. An Imposing Spectacle — ., 48 23. An Advertisement .. , ,.. 49 24. "Understands His Business " , .'i2 25. The OLD Surgeon ., ..... 53 26 The First Wound.. . ... 54 27. The Castle Court [Full Page] :'.,., 59 28. Wounded , . 64 29. Favorite Street Costume..... , 64 80 Ineffaceable Scars ....... . 65 81. Piece of Sword. . 68 32. French Calm 70 33. The Challenge Accepted 71 84. A Search. . ..... 72 85 He Swooned Ponderouslt. . 73 36. I KoLLED Him Over , 71 87 The One I Hired 75 88. The March to THE Field [Full Page].,. 78 39 The Post OF danger ,,. 60 40 The Reconciliation 81 41 An Object OF Admiration , , 82 42. Wagner.. . , .... 84 43. Raging , , 84 44. Roaring 85 45. Shrieking 85 46. A Customary Thing 86 47. One of the "Rest" 87 48. A Contribution Box 88 49. Conspicuous 89 50. Tail Piece 89 IV ILLUSTRATIONS. 91 51. Only a Shkiek ^2 52. "Hk Onlt Cry" y^ 53. Late Comers Cared For ^^ 54. Btidentlt Dreaming ^^ 55. "TUEJf ON MOKE KaIN " ,jy 56. Harris ATTENDra& ihe Oi'era • ^^^ 57. Painting MT Great Picture '."!!'!... :03 58. On K Start ^04 59. An Unknown Costume ' '''''' ^^g 60. The Toweb .......!!.. '. 105 61. Slow BtrT Sure - j^^g 62. Tue Robber Chief [Full Page) ^^^ 63. An Honest Man -^^ 64. The Town by Night 113 65. Generations of Barefeet r ^^^ 66 Our Bedroom _ jj^,j 67. Practicing 118 68. Pawing Around ' ' '_' ^oi 69. A Night's Work 70. Leaving Heilbronn 71. The Cai'tain 72. Waiting for the Train [Tail Piece) 1^7 73. A Deep and Tranquil Ecstacy ^^^ 74. "Which Answered Just as Well" 132 75. Life on a Raft 133 76. Lady Gertrude 77. Mouth of the Cavern [Full Page]... 78. A Fatal Mistake 79. Tail Piece 80. Rafting on the Neckar [Full Page). 81. The Lorelei 82. The Lover's Fate 136 137 138 139 141 143 83. Tail Piece 149 84. The Unknown Knight 151 85. The Embrace 152 86. Perilous Position 154 87. The Raft in a Storm 157 88. All Safe on Shore 153 89. " It was the Cat " 160 90. Tail Piece 160 91. Breakfast in thh Garden 162 92. Easily Understood 164 93. Experimenting Through Harris 167 94. At the Ball Room Door 169 95. The Town op Dilsberg ' 171 96. Our Advance on Dilsberg...^ 172 97. Inside the Town 175 98. The Old Well 176 99. Send Hither thk Lord Ulrich 178 100. Lead Mk to Her Grave 180 101. Under the Lindkn 181 102. An Excellent Pilot, Once 182 103. Scatter ATioN 183 104. The River Bath [Tail Piece] - 183 105. Etruscan Tear Jug , 1S5 106. Henri II Plate 185 107. Old Blue China 186 108. A Real Antique 183 109. Bric-a-Brao Shop [Full Page] 1S9 110. " Put It There " 193 111. The PApaoN Captured 194 ILLUSTRATIONS. v 112. Tail Piecte 195 113. A COMPBEHENSIYE YaWN 197 114. Testijtg the Coin , 198 US. Beauty AT THE Bath 199 116. In tub Bath 201 117. Jersey Indians 203 118. Not Pakticulakly Sociable 206 119. Black Forest Grandee 208 120. The Grandee's Daughter 209 121. Rich Old Huss 211 122. Gretchen 211 123. Paul Hoch 212 m. HvNS Schmidt 213 125. Electing a New Member 213 126. Overcoming Obstacles 215 m. Friends 216 128. Prospecting 218 129. Tail Piece 220 130. A General Howl 223 131. Seeking a Situation 224 132. Standing Guard 227 133. F.ESULT op a Joke 228 134. Descending a Farm 229 135. A German Sabbath 232 136. An Ob.iect of Sympathy 234 137. A Xon-Classtcal Style 236 133. The Traditional Chamois [Full Page!..., 239 139. Hunting Chamois THE True "Way 242 140. Chamois Hunter as Repoeted [Full Page].. 248 141. Marking Alpenstocks 246 142. Is She Eighteen OR Twenty? 247 143. I Knew I Wasn't Mistaken 249 144. Harris x\stonished 255 145. Tail piece 257 146. The Lion of Lucerne 259 147. He Liked Clocks.... 262 148. "I TViLL Tell Tou" 265 149. Couldn't Wait 266 150. Didn't Care for Style 266 151. A Pair Better Than Four 267 152. Two WiSN't Necessary 267 153. Just the Trick 267 154 Going to Make Them Stake 268 155. Not Thrown Away 268 156. What the Doctor Recommended 268 157. Wanted to Feel Safe 269 158. Preferred to Tramp on Foot 269 159. Dern a Dog, Anyway 270 160. Tail Piece 271 161. The Glacier Garden [Full Page] 272 162. Lake and Mountains (Mont Pilatus) 273 163. Mountain Paths 274 164. " You're an American— So Am I " 276 165. Enterprise 28'i 166. The Constant Searcher 281 167. The Mountain Boy 285 168. The Englishman 286 169. The Jodlee , 288 ' 170. Another Vocalist 289 171. The Felsenthor 290 vi ILLUSTRATIONS. 172. A View FROM THE Station 291 173. Lost in the Mist 293 174. The Kigi-Kulm Hotel ■ 294 175. "What Awakened Us 296 176. A Summit Stjnkise [Full Page] 297 177. Tail Piece 300 178. Exceedingly Comfortable 302 179. Tfie Sunrise 303 181). The Kigi-Kulm 305 181. Ax Optical Illusion 307 182. Tail Piece 308 ,183. Railway Do^vn the Mountain [Full Page] 309 184. Source of the Rhone 313 185. A Glacier Table 314 186 Glacier op Grindelwald 317 187. Dawn on the Mountains 319 188. Tail Piece 322 189. New and Old Style 324 190. St. Nicholas, as a Hermit 325 191. A Landslide 326 192. GOLDAU Valley before AND after the Landslide 327 193. The Way They Do It 330 194. Our Gallant Driver 331 195. A Mountain Pass [Full Page] 332 196. " I'M Oful Dry " 338 197. It's the Fashion 334 198. What We Expected 335 199. "We Missed the Scenery [Full Page] 333 200. The Tourists [Tailpiece] 339 201. The Young Bride 341 202. "It was a famous Victory" 342 203. Promenade in Interlakkn [Full Page] 343 204. The Junsfrau by M. T 346 205. Street in Interlaken [Full Page] 349 206. Without .a Courier 351 207. Traveling with a Courier 352 208. Tail Piece 354 209. Grape and Whey Patients 357 210. Sociable Drivers 360 211. A Mountain Cascade 361 212. The Gasternthal 362 213. Exhilarating Sport 363 214. Falls (Tail Piece] 364 215. What Might Be 366 216. An Alpine Bouquet 367 217. The End of the World 369 218. The Forget-me-not 371 219. A Needle of Ice [Full Page] 373 220. Climbing the Mountain 375 221. Snow Crevasses 376 222. Cutting Steps 379 323. The Guide [Tail Piece] 380 224. View from THE Cliff 382 225. Gemmi Pass and Lake Daubhnsbe 3P4 226. Almost a Tragedy 386 227. The Alpine Litter 387 228. Social Bathers 388 229. Death of Countess Hkrlincourt [Full Page] 389 230. They've Got It All 392 231. Model for an Empress 893 232. Bath Houses at Leuke 394 ILLUSTRATIONS. vii 283. The Bathbes AT Lettke [FuLii Page] 393 234. Katheb Mixed TJf 399 235. Tail Piece 400 236. A Sunday Mokning's Demon 403 237. Just Saved 406 238. Scene in Valley of Zekmatt [Full Page] 406 239. Akeiyal at Zermatt [Full PageJ 410 240. Fitted Out 413 241. A Fbakful Fall [Full Page] 415 243. Tail Piece 417 243. All Beady 431 244. The Maech 423 245. The Caeayan [Full Page] 434 246. The Hook 427 247. The Disabled Chaplain 428 248. Teying Expeeiments 428 241-. Saved! Saved! 430 250. Twenty Minutes "Woek 431 251. The Black Ram ■ 432 252. The Mieacle 433 253. The New Guide [Tail Piece] 434 254. Scientific Eeseaeches ■•••■ 436 255. Mountain Chalet 439 256. The Geandson 441 J57. OccASiONLY Met With 444 J58. Summit OF The Goenee Geat • • 446 '{59. Chiefs of the Advance Guaed > 447 260. My Pictuee op the Matteehoen 448 261. EVEEYBODY HAD AN EXCUSE 453 262 Speung A Leak 263. A Scientific Question 264. A Terminal MoKAiNE 265. Feont of Glacier 266. An Old MoEAiNE [Full Page] 4«^ J67. Glaciee of Zeematt with Lateral Moraine 465 268. Unexpected Meeting of Feiknds 469 269. Village OF Chamonix *J^ 270. The Matteehoen [Full Page] • 475 271. On THE Summit. oo.... 455 458 461 462 273. accident on the Matteehoen (1865) [Full page]. 482 273. Tailpiece, Eoped Togethee 274. Stoeage of Ancestoes 275. Falling out of his Faem 4°^ 276. Child Life in Switzeeland "•• 487 277. A Sunday Play 278 The Combination 279. Chillon •••••• • ^gg 280. The Tetb Noir • 381. Mont Blanc's Netghboes [Full Page] «»» 283. An Exquisite Thing •••• 283. A "Wild Ride • • ^J 284. Swiss Peasant Giel [Tail Piece] • 4a8 285. Steeet IN Chamonix[Full Page] ^ 286. The Peoud Geeman 287. The Indignant Toueist ^^^ 288. Music of Switzeeland • 289. Only a Mistake 290. A Beoad View [Tail Piece] .91. Peepaeing to Staet [Full Page] •- ^ 292. Ascent of Mont Blano [Full Page].. • •••• ' 293. "We All Raised a Teemendous Shout". "*' viii ILLUSTRATIONS. 294. The Geands Mulets 523 295. Cabin on the Grands Mtjlets 534 296. Keeping Wakm 526 297. Tail Piece 529 298. TAkE IT East 531 299. The Mbe DE Glaoe (Mont Blanc) [Full Page] 532 300. Taking Toll 535 301. A Descending Tourist 538 302. Leaving bt Diligence 539 303. The Satisfied Englishman 540 304. High pressure 542 305. No Apology 544 306. None Asked .... 544 307. A Lively Street 546 308. Hating Her Full Rights 547 309. How She Fooled Us 549 810. "You'll Take That or None " 552 311. Robbing a Beggar [Tail Piece]. 554 3t3. Dishonest Italy 556 818. Stock in Trade 656 314. Style 558 315. Specimens from Old Masters 559 316. An Old Master 561 317. The Lion op St. Mark 562 318. Oh, To Be At Rest! 563 819. The World's Masterpiece 565 320. Tail Piece 566 821. Aesthetic Tastes 569 322. A Private Family Breakfast 571 323. European Carving 578 324. A Twenty-four hour Fight 585 325. Great Heidelberg Tun 592 326. Bismarck in Prison 597 327. Tailpiece 600 S28. A COUPLSXB WOBS ai8 CONTE]?fTS. CHAPTER I. A Tramp over Europe — On the Holsatia — Hamburg — Erankfort-on-the- Main — How it Won its Name — A Lesson in Political Economy — Neatness in Dress — Rhine Legends — "The Knave of Bergen" — The Eamous Ball — The Strange Knight — Dancing with the Queen — Removal of the Masks — The Disclosure — Wrath of the Emperor —The Ending , 17 CHAPTER II. At Heidelberg — Great Stir at a Hotel — The Portier — Arrival of the Em- press — The Schloss Hotel — Location of Heidelberg — The River Neckar — New Feature in a Hotel — Heidelberg Castle — View from the Hotel — A Tramp in the Woods — Meeting a Raven — Can Ravens Talk ?— Laughed at and Vanquished — Language of Animals — Jim Baker — Blue- Jays 22 CHAPTER III. Baker's Blue- Jay Yarn — Jay Language — The Cabin — " Hello, I reckon I've struck something" — A Knot Hole — Attempt to fill it — A Ton of Acorns — Friends Called In — A Great Mystery — More Jays Called — A Blue Flush — A Discovery — A Rich Joke — One that Couldn't See It 38 CHAPTER IV. Student Life — The Five Corps — The Beer King — A Free Life — Attend- ing Lectures — An Immense Audience — Industrious Students — Politeness of the Students — Intercourse with the Professors — Scenes at the Castle Garden — Abundance of Dogs — Symbol of Blighted Love — Hovr the Ladies Advertise 43 CHAPTER V. The Students' Dueling Ground — The Dueling Room— The Sword Grinder — Frequency of the Duels — The Duelists — Protection against Injury — The Surgeon — Arrangements for the Duels — The First Duel— The First Wound— A Drawn Battle— The Second Duel — Cutting and Slashing — Interference of the Surgeon 51 CHAPTER VI. The Third Duel — A Sickening Spectacle — Dinner between Fights — The Last Duel — Fighting in Earnest — Faces and Heads Mutilated — Great Nerve of the Duelists — Fatal Results not Unfrequent — The World's View of these Fights 57 X CONTENTS. CHAPTER VII. Corps-laws and Usages — Volunteering to Fight — Coolness of the Wounded— Wounds Honorable — Newly bandaged Students around Heidelberg— Scarred Faces Abundant— A Badge of Honor — Prince Bismark as a Duelist — Statistics — Constant Sword Practice — Color of the Corps — Corps Etiquette 63 CHAPTER VIII. The Great French Duel— Mistaken Notions— Outbreak in the French Assembly— Calmness of M. Gambetta — I Volunteer as Second — Drawing up a Will— The Challenge and its Acceptance— Difficulty in Selection of Weapons — Deciding on Distance — M. Gambetta's Firmness — Arranging Details — Hiring Hearses — How it was Kept from the Press— March to the Field— The Post of Danger— The Duel— The Result— General Rejoicings— The only One Hurt— A Firm Resolution 69 CHAPTER IX. At the Theatre— German Ideal— At the Opera— The Orchestra— Howl- ings and Wailings — A Curious Play — One Season of Rest — The Wedding Chorus— Germans fond of the Opera— Funerals Needed —A Private Party — What I Overheard— A Gentle Girl— A Contri- bution-box — Unpleasantly Conspicuous 83 CHAPTER X. Four Hours with Wagner— A Wonderful Singer, Once — " Only a Shriek "—An Ancient Vocalist — " He Only Cry " — Emotional Ger- mans — A Wise Custom — Late Comers Rebuked — Heard to the Last — No Interruptions Allowed — A Royal Audience — An Eccentric King — Real Rain and More of It — Immense Success — " Encore ! Encore ! " — Magnanimity of the King 90 CHAPTER XI. Lessons in Art— My Great Picture of Heidelberg Castle— Its Effect in the Exhibition— Mistaken for a Turner — A Studio — Waiting for Orders —A Tramp Decided On— The Start for Ileilbronn— Our Walking Dress— " Pleasant march to you" — We Take the Rail— Gorman People on Board— Not Understood— Speak only German and Eng- lish — Wimpfen — A Funny Tower — Dinner in the Garden — Vigorous Tramping— Ride in a Peasant's Cart— A Famous Room 100 CHAPTER XIL The Raihhaus— An Old Robber Knight, Gotz Von Berlichingen — His Famous Deeds — The Square Tower — A Curious old Church — A Gay Turn-out— A Legend— The Wives' Treasures— A Model Waiter— A Miracle Performed— An Old Town— The Worn Stones. 107 CONTENTS. xi CHAPTER XIII. jEarly to Bed — Lonesome — Nervous Excitement — The Room We Occu- pied — Disturbed by a Mouse — Grow Desperate — Tlie old Remedy — A Shoe Thrown — Result — Hopelessly Awake — An Attempt to Dress — A Cruise in the Dark — Crawling on the Floor — A General Smash- up — Forty-seven Miles' Travel 114 CHAPTER XIV. \ A Famous Turn-out — Raftsmen on the Neckar — The Log Rafts — The Neckar — A Sudden Idea — To Heidelberg on a Raft — Chartering a Raft — Gloomy Feelings and Conversation — Delicious Journeying — View of the Banks — Compared with Railroading 122 CHAPTER XV. Down the River — German Women's Duties — Bathing as We Went — A Handsome Picture : Girls in tlie Willows — We Sight a Tug — Steam- ers on tlie Neckar — Dinner on Board — Legend "Cave of the Spectre" — Lady Gertrude the Heiress — The Crusader — The Lady in the Cave— A Tragedy 128 CHAPTER XVL An Ancient Legend of the Rhine — " The Lorelei " — Count Hermann — Falling in Love — A Sight of the Enchantress — Sad Effect on Count Hermann — An Evening visit — A Sad Mistake — Count Hermann Drowned— The Song and Music — Different Translations — Curi- osities in Titles 140 CHAPTER XVn. Another Legend — The Unconquercd Monster — The Unknown Knight — His Queer Shaped Knapsack — The Knight Pitied and Advised — He Attacks the Monster — Victory for the Fire Extinguisher — The Knight Rewarded — His Strange Request — Spectacles Made Popu- lar — Danger to the Raft — Blasting Rocks— An Inglorious Death in View — Escaped— A Storm Overtakes us~GreatDangcr — Man Over- board — Breakers Ahead — Springing a Leak — Ashore Safe — A General Embracing — A Tramp in the Dark — The Naturalist Tavern —A Night's Troubles— " It is the Cat" 150 CHAPTER XVin. Breakfast in a Garden — The Old Raven— Castle of Hirschhorn — Attempt to Hire a Boat — High Dutch — What You Can Find out by Enquir- ing — What I Found out about the Students — A good German Custom — Harris Practices It — An Embarrassing Position — A Nice Party — At a Ball — Stopped at the Door — Assistance at Hand and Rendered — Worthy to be an Empress 161 xii CONTENTS. CHAPTER XIX. Arrive at Neckarsteinach — Castle of Dilsberg — A Walled Town — On a Hill — Exclusiveness of the People — A Queer Old Place — An An- cient Well — An Outlet Proved — Legend of Dilsberg Castle — The Haunted Chamber — The Betrothed's request — The Knight's Slum- bers and Awakening — Horror of the Lover — The Wicked Jest — The Lover a Maniac— Under the Linden — Turning Pilot — Accident to the Raft — Fearful Disaster 170 CHAPTER XX. Good News — "Slow Freight " — Keramics — My Collection of Bric-a- brac— My Tear Jug — Henri II Plate — Specimen of Blue China — Indifference to the Laugh of the World — I Discover an Antique — En-route to Baden-Baden — Meeting an Old Acquaintance — A young American — Embryo Horse Doctor — An American, Sure — A Minis- ter Captured 184 CHAPTER XXI. Baden-Baden— Energetic Girls — A Comprehensive Yawn — A Beggar's Trick — Cool Impudence — The Bath Woman — Insolence of Shop Keepers — Taking a Bath — Early and Late Hours — Popular Belief Regarding Indians — An Old Cemetery — A Pious Hag — Curious Table Companions 196 CHAPTER XXn. The Black Forest — A Grandee and his Family — The Wealthy Nabob — A New Standard of Wealth — Skeleton for a New Novel — Trying Situation — The Common Council — Choosing a New Member — Studying Natural History — The Ant a Fraud — Eccentricities of the Ant — His Deceit and Ignorance — A German Dish— Boiled Oran- ges 207 CHAPTER XXIII. Off for a Day's Tramp— Tramping and Talking — Story Telling — Den- tistry in Camp — Nicodemus Dodge — Seeking a Situation — A Butt for Jokes — Jimmy Finn's Skeleton — Descendinga Farm— Unex- pected Notoriety 221 CHAPTER XXIV. Sunday on the Continent — A Day of Rest^An Incident at Church — An Object of Sympathy — Royalty at Church — Public Grounds Con- cert — Power and Grades of Music — Hiring a Courier 231 CHAPTER XXV. Lucerne— Beauty of its Lake— The Wild Chamois— A Great Error Exposed— Methods of Hunting the Chamois— Beauties of Lucerne — The Alpenstock — Marking Alpenstocks — Guessing at Nationali- ties—An American Party — An Unexpected Acquaintance— Getting Mixed Up —Following Blind Trails— A Happy Half-hour— Defeat and Revenge 241 CONTENTS. xiii CHAPTER XXVI, Commerce of Lucerne— Benefits of Martyrdom— A Bit of History— The Home of Cuckoo Clocks— A Satisfactory Revenge— Tiie Man Who Put Up at Gadsby's— A Forgotten Story— Wanted to ho Postmaster —A Tennessean at Washington— He Concluded to Stay a While — Application oi the Story, ..„....,, ■,...,.. = 258 CHAPTER XXVII. The Glacier Garden— Excursion on the Lake— Life on the Mountains —A Specimen Tourist—" iVhere 're you Promr "—An Advertising Dodge— A Righteous Verdict — The Guide-book Student— "1 Believe that's All "... = = = 273 CHAPTER XXVIII. The Eigi-Kulm — Its Ascent — Stripping for Business — A Mountain Lad — An English Tourist— Rail-road up the Mountain — Villages and Mountain — The Jodlers — About Ice Water — The Felsenthor — Too Late — Lost in the Fog — The Rigi-Kulm Hotel — The Alpine Horn — Sunrise at Night ,..., ....o ., ,. 284 CHAPTER XXIX. Everything Convenient — Looking for a Western Sunrise — Mutual Re- crimination — View from the Summit — Down the Mountain — Eail- roading — Confidence Wanted and Acquired 301 CHAPTER XXX. A Trip by Proxy — A Visit to the Furka Eegions — Deadman's Lake — Source of the Rhone — Glacier Tables— Storm in the Mountains — At Grindelwald — Dawn on the Mountains — An Explanation Requir- ed — Dead Language — Criticism of Harris's Report. . 311 CHAPTER XXXI. Preparations for a Tramp — From Lucerne to Interlaken — The Brlinig Pass — Modern and Ancient Chalets — Death of Pontius Pilate — Hermit Home of St Nicholas — Landslides — Children Selling Re- freshments—How they Harness a Horse — A Great Man — Honors to a Hero — A Thirsty Bride — For Better or Worse — German Fash- ions — Anticipations — Solid Comfort — An Unsatisfactory Awaken- ing — What we had Lost — Our Surroundings 323 CHAPTER XXXII. The Jungfrau Hotel — A Whiskered Waitress — An Arkansas Bride — Perfection in Discord — A Famous Victory — A Look from a Window — About the Jungfrau. ..„ 340 xiTT CONTENTS. CHAPTER XXXIII. The Giesbach Falls— The Spirit of the Alps— Why People Visit Them ' — Whey and Grapes as Medicines — The Kursaal — A Formidable Undertaking- From Interlaken to ZermattonFoot — We Concluded to take a Buggy — A Pair of Jolly Drivers — We meet with Com- panions — A Cheerful Hide — Kandersteg Valley — An Alpine Parlor — ^Exercise and Amusement — A Race with a Log 355 CHAPTER XXXIV. An Old Guide — Possible Accidents — Dangerous Habitation — Mountain Flowers — Embryo Lions — Mountain Pigs — The End of jhe World — Ghastly Desolation — Proposed Adventure — Reading up Ad^7ent- ures — Ascent of Monte Rosa — Precipices and Crevasses — Among the Snows — Exciting Experiences — Ice Ridges — The Summit — Adventures Postponed. oo , , .. .. .. » . .» 365 CHAPTER XXXV. A New Interest— Magnificent Views— A Mule's Preferences— Turning Mountain Corners — Terror of a Horse — Lady Tourists— Death of r. young Countess — A Search for a Hat — What We Did Find— Har- ris's Opinion of Chamois— A Disappointed Man— A Giantess— Model for an Empress— Baths at Leuk— Sport in the Water— The Gem- mi Precipices — A Palace for an Emperor — The Famous Ladders —Considerably Mixed Up— Sad ^'light of a Minister 381 CHAPTER XXXVI. Sunday Church Bells — A Cause of Profanity — A Magnificent Glacier — Fault Finding by Harris — Almost an Accident — Selfishness of Har- ris — Approaching Zermatt — The Matterhorn — Zermatt — Home of Mountain Climbers — Fitted outfor Climbing — A Fearful Adventure — Never Satisfied 40.1 CHAPTER XXXVII. A Calm Decision — "I Will Ascend the RifFelberg" — Preparations for the Trip — All Zermatt on the Alert — Schedule of Persons and Things — An Unprecedented Display — A General Turn-out — Ready tor a Start — The Post of Danger — The Advance Directed— Grand Display of Umbrellas — The First Camp — Almost a Panic— Sup- posed to be Lost— The First Accident — A Chaplain Disabled — An Experimenting Mule — Good Effects of a Blunder — Badly Lost — A Reconnoiter— Mystery and Doubt — Stern Measures Taken — A Black Ram — Saved by a Miracle — The Guide's Guide 418 CONTENTS. XV CHAPTER XXXVIII. Our Expedition Continued — Experiments with the Barometer — Boil- ing Thermometer — Barometer Soup^An Interesting Scientific Dis- covery—Crippling a Latinist— A CJiaplain Injured — Short of Bar- keepers — Digging a Mountain Cellar — A Young American Speci- men — Somebody's Grandson — Arrival at Eiffelberg Hotel^Ascent of Gorner Grat— Eaith in Thermometers— The Matterhorn 435 CHAPTER XXXIX. Guide Books — Plans for the Return of the Expedition — A Glacier Train — Parachute Descent from Gorner Grat — Proposed Honors to Harris Declined — All had an Excuse — A Magnificent Idea Abandoned — • Descent to the Glacier — A Supposed Leak — A Slow Train— The Glacier Abandoned — Journey to Zermatt — A Scientific Question. . 450 CHAPTER XL. Glaciers — Glacier Perils — Moraines — Terminal Moraines — Lateral Mo- raines — Immense Size of Glacier — Traveling Glacier — General Movements of Glaciers — Ascent of Mont Blanc — Loss of Guides — Finding of Remains — ^Meeting of Old Friends — The Dead and Liv- ing—Proposed Museum — The Relics at Chamonix 459 CHAPTER XLL The Matterhorn Catastrophe of 1865~Mr. Whymper's Narrative— Ascent of the Matterhorn — The Summit — The Matterhorn Conquered — The Descent Commenced — A Fearful Disaster — Death of Lord Douglas and Two Others— The Graves of the Two 473 CHAPTER XLII. Switzerland — Graveyard at Zermatt — Balloting for Marriage — Farmers as Heroes — Falling off a Farm — From St. Nicholas to Visp — Dan- gerous Traveling — Children's Play — The Parson's Children — A Landlord's Daughter — A Rare Combination — Chillon^Lost Sympa- thy — Mont Blanc and its Neighbors — Beauty of Soap Bubbles — A Wild Drive — The King of Drivers — Benefit of getting Drunk.. ..... 483 CHAPTER XLIII. Chamonix — Contrasts — Magnificent Spectacle — The Guild of Guides — The Guide-in-Chief — The Returned Tourist — Getting Diploma- Rigid Rules — Unsuccessful Efforts to Procure a Diploma — The Re- cord Book — The Conqueror of Mont Blanc — Professional Jealousy — Triumph of Truth — Mountain Music — Its Effect A Hunt for a Nuisance 499 CHAPTER XLIV. Looking at Mont Blanc — Telescopic Effect — A Proposed Trip — Deter- mination and Courage — The Cost all counted— Ascent of Mont Blanc by Telescope — Safe and Rapid Return — Diplomas Asked for and Refused — Disaster of 1866— The Brave Brothers — Wonderful En- durance and Pluck — Love Making on Mont Blanc — First Ascent ofaWoman — Sensible Attire 512 xvi CONTENTS. CHAPTER XLV. A Catastrophe which Cost Eleven Lives — Accident of 1870 — A Party of Eleven — A Fearful Storm — Note-books of the Victims — Within Eive Minutes of Safety — Pacing Death Resignedly 527 CHAPTER XLVI. The Hotel des Pyramids — The Glacier des Bossons — One of the Shows —Premeditated Crime — Saved Again — Tourists Warned — Advice to Tourists — The Two Empresses — The Glacier Toll Collector — Pure Ice Water — Death Rate of the World — Of Various Cities — A Pleasure Excursionist — A Diligence Ride — A Satisfied Englishman. 530 CHAPTER XLVII. Geneva — Shops of Geneva — Elasticity of Prices — Persistency of Shop Women — The High Pressure System — How a Dandy was brought to Grief — American Manners — Gallantry — Col. Baker of London — Arkansaw Justice — Safety of Women in America — Town of Cham- bery — A Lively Place — At Turin — A Railroad Companion — An In- sulted Woman — -City of Turin — Italian Honesty — A Small Mistake — Robbing a Beggar Woman 541 CHAPTER XLVIIL In Milan— The Arcade— Incidents we Met With— The Pedlar— Child- ren — The Honest Conductor — Heavy Stocks of Clothing — The Quar- relsome Italians — Great Smoke and Little Fire— The Cathedral — Style in Church — The Old Masters — Tintoretto's great Picture — Emotional Tourists — Basson's Famed Picture — The Hair Trunk. . 555 CHAPTER XLIX. In Venice— St. Mark's Cathedral — Discovery of an Antique — The Rich- es of St. Mark's — A Church Robber— Trusting Secrets to a Friend — The Robber Hanged — A Private Dinner — European Food..! ... 567 CHAPTER L. Why Some tilings Are — Art in Rome and Florence — The Fig Leaf Ma- nia — Titian's Yenus — Difference between Seeing and Describing — A Real work of Art — Titian's Moses — Home 577 APPENDIX. A. — The Portier analyzed 582 B. — Hiedelberg Castle Described 587 C.— The College Prison and Inmates 594 D. — The Awful German Language 601 E. — Legends of the Castle 620 F. — The Journals of Germany 626 THE AUTHOR'S MEMORIES. CHAPTER I. 01S"E day it occurred to me that it had been many years since the world had been afforded the spectacle of a man adventurous enough to undertake a journey through Europe on foot. After much thought, I decided that I was a person fitted to furnish to mankind this spectacle. So I determined to do it. This was in March, 1878. I looked about me for the right sort of person to accom- pany me in the capacity of agent, and finally hired a Mr. Harris for this service. It was also my purpose to study art while in Europe. Mr. Harris was in sympathy with me in this. He was as much of an enthusiast in art as I was, and not less anxious to learn to paint. 1 desired to learn the German language; so did Harris. Toward tlie middle of April we sailed in the Holsatia, Capt. Brandt, and had a very pleasant trip indeed. After a brief rest at Hamburg, we made preparations for a long pedestrian trip southward in the soft spring weather, but at the last moment we changed the program, for private reasons, and took the express train. We made a short halt at Frankfort-on-the-Main, and found it an interesting city. I would have liked to visit the birth- place of Guttenberg, but it could not be done, as no memo- randum of the site of the bouse has been kept. So we spent 17 18 FRANKFORT. an hour in the Goethe mansion instead. The city permits this house to belong to private parties, instead of gracing and dignifying herself with the honor of possessing and protect- ing it. Frankfort is one of the sixteen cities which have the distinc- tion of being the place where the following incident occurred. Charlemagne, while chasing the Saxons, (as he eaid,) or being chased by tliem, (as they said,) arrived at the bank of the river at dawn, in a fog. The enemy were either before him or behind him ; but in any case he wanted to get across, very badly. He would have given anything for a guide, but none was to be had. Presently he saw a deer, folloMed by her young, approach the water. He watched her, judging that she would seek a ford, and he was right. She waded over, and the army followed. So a great Frankish victory or de- feat was gained or avoided; and in order to commemorate the episode, Charlemagne commanded a city to be built there, which he named Frankfort, — the ford of the Franks. !None of the other cities w^liere this event happened were named from it. This is good evidence that Frankfort was the first place it occurred at. Frankfort has another distinction, — it is the birthplace of the German alphabet : or at least of the German word for alphabet, — Buchstaben. Tliey say that the first movable types were made on birch sticks, — Btichstdbe, — hence the name. I was taught a lesson in political economy in Frankfort. I had brought from home a box containing a thousand very cheap cigars. By way of experiment, I stepped into a little shop in a queer old back street, took four gaily decorated boxes of wax matches and three cigars, and laid down a silver piece worth 48 cents. The man gave me 43 cents change. In Frankfort everybody wears clean clothes, and I think we noticed that this strange thing was the case in Hamburg too, and in the villages along the road. Even in the narrow- est and poorest and most ancient quarters of Frankfort neat and clean clothes were the rule. The little children of both sexes were nearly always nice enough to take into a body's RHINE LEGENDS. 19 lap. And as for the uniforms of the soldiers, they were newness and brightness carried to perfection. One could never detect a smirch or a grain of dust upon them. The street car conductors and drivers wore pretty uniforms which seemed to be just out of the bandbox, and their manners were as fine as their clothes. In one of the shops I had the luck to stumble upon a book which has charmed me nearly to death. It is entitled " The Legends of the Rhine from Basle to Rotterdam, by F. J. Kiefer ; Translated by L. W. Garnham, B. A." All tourists mention the Rhine legends, — in that sort of way which quietly pretends that the mentioner has been familiar with them all his life, and that the reader cannot possibly be ignorant of them, — but no tourist ever tells them. So this lit- tle book fed me in a very hungry place ; and I, in my turn, intend to feed my reader, with one or two little lunches from the same larder. I shall not mar Garnham's translation by meddling with its English ; for the most toothsome thing about it is its quaint fashion of building English sentences on the German plan, — and punctuating them according to no plan at all. In the chapter devoted to " Legends of Frankfort," I find the following: " THE KISTAVE OF BERUEN." " In Frankfort at the Romer was a great mask -ball, at the coronation festival, and in the illuminated saloon, the clang- ing music invited to dance, and splendidly appeared the rich toilets and charms of the ladies, and the festively costumed Princes and Knights. All seemed pleasure, joy, and roguish gayety, only one of the numerous guests had a gloomy exte- rior; but exactly the black armor in which he walked about excited general attention, and his tall figure, as well as the noble propriety of his movements, attracted especially the regards of the ladies. "Who the Knight was? !Nobody could guess, for his Yizier was well closed, and nothing made him recognizable. Proud and yet modest he advanced to the Empress; bowed on one knee before her seat, and begged 20 THE KNAVE OF BERGEN. for the favor of a waltz with the Queen of the festivaL And she allowed his request. With light and graceful steps he danced through the long saloon, with the sovereign who thought never to have found a more dexterous and excellent dancer. But also by the grace of his manner, and fine con- versation he knew to win the Queen, and she graciously accord- ed him a second dance for which he begged, a third, and a fourth, as well as others were not refnsed liim. How all regarded the happy dancer, how many envied him the high favor; how increased curiosi ty, who the masked knight could be. Also the Emperor became more and more excited with curios- ity, and with great suspense one awaited the hour, when according to mask-law, each masked guest must make himself known. This moment came, but although all others bad unmasked; the secret knight still refused to allow his features to be seen, till at last the Queen driven by curiosit}', and vexed at the obstinate refusal ; commanded him to open his Yizier. He THE BLACK KNIGHT. OPENTlfG HIS VIZIEK. opened it, and none of the high ladies and knights knew him. But from the crowded spectators, 2 officials advanced, SUCCESS OF THE KNAVE, 21 who recognized the black dancer, and horror and terror spread in the saloon, as they said who the supposed knight was. It was the executioner of Bergen. But glowing with rage, the King commanded to seize the criminal and lead him to death, who had ventured to dance, with the queen ; so dis- graced the Empress, and in- sulted the crown. The culpa- ble threw himself at the feet of the Emperor, and said, — " ' Indeed I have heavily sinned against all noble quests assembled here, but most heavily against you my sovereign and my queen. The Queen is insulted by my haughtiness equal to treason, but no punishment even blood, will not be able THE ENKAGED EMPEROR. to wash out the disgrace, which you have suiFered by me. Therefore oh King ! allow me to propose a remedy, to efface the shame, and to render it as if not done. Draw your sword and knight me, then I will throw down my gauntlet, to every one who dares to speak, disrespectfully of my king. " The Emperor was surprised at this bold proposal, however it appeared the wisest to him ; " You are a knave he replied after a moment's consideration, however your advice is good,, and displays prudence, as your offense shows adventurous courage. Well then, and gave him the knight-stroke, so T raise you to nobility, who begged for grace for your offence- now kneels before me, rise as knight ; knavish you have acted, . and Knave of Bergen shall you be called henceforth, and gladly the Black knight rose ; three cheers were given in honor of the Emperor, and loud cries of joy testified the approbation with which the Queen danced. still, once with the Knave of Bergen. CHAPTER II. HEIDELBERG. WE stopped at a hotel by the railway station. Next morning, as we sat in my room waiting for breakfast to come up, we got a good deal interested in something which was going on over the way, in front of another hotel. First, the personage who is called the portier, (who is not the porter, but is a sort of first-mate of a hotel,) * appeared at the door in a spick and span new blue cloth uniform, decorated with shining brass buttons, and with bands of gold lace around his cap and wristbands ; and he wore white gloves, too. He shed an official glance upon the situation, and then began to give orders. Two women servants came out with pails and brooms and brushes, and gave the side- walk a thorough scrubbing ; meanwhile two others scrubbed the four marble steps which led up to the door ; beyond these we could see some men-servants taking up the carpet of the grand staircase. This carpet was carried away and the last grain of dust beaten and banged and swept out of it ; then brought back and put down again. The brass stair rods received an exhaustive polishing and were returned to their places. Now a troop of servants brought pots and tubs of blooming plants and formed them into a beautiful jungle about the door and the base of the staircase. Other servants **See Appendix A. aa GREAT PREPARATIONS. 23 adorned all the balconies of the various stories with flow- ers and banners ; others ascended to the roof and hoisted a great flag on a staff there. Now came some more chamber- maids and retouched the sidewalk, and afterwards wiped the marble steps with damp cloths and finished by dusting them off with feather brushes. Kow a broad black carpet was brought out and laid down the marble steps and out across the sidewalk to the curbstone. The portier cast his eye along it, and found it was not abso- lutely straight ; he commanded it to be straightened ; the ser- vants made the effort, — made several efforts, in fact,— but the jportier M'as not satisfied. He finally had it taken up, and then he put it down himself and got it right. At this stage of the proceed- ings, a narrow bright red carpet was unrolled and stretched from the top of the marble steps to the curbstone, along the center of the black carpet. This red path cost the portier more trouble than even the black one had done. But he patiently fixed and re-fixed it until it was exactly right and lay precisely in the middle of the black carpet. In New York these per- formances would have gathered a mighty crowd of curious and intensely interested spectators; but here it only captured an audience of half-a-dozen little boys, who stood in a row across the pavement, some with their school knapsacks on their backs and their hands in their pockets, others with arms full of bundles, and all absorbed in the show. Occasionally THT POKTIEK. 24 LANDING A MONARCH. ONE OF THOSE BOYS. one of tliem skipped irreverently over the carpet and took up a position on the other side. This always visibly annoyed the portier. Now came a waiting interval. The landlord, in plain clothes, and bareheaded, placed him- self on the bottom mar- ble step, abreast the portier, who stood on the other end of the ,^, ^ same steps ; six or eight ^■' waiters, gloved, bare- headed, and wearing their whitest linen, their whitest cravats, and their finest swal- low-tails, grouped themselves about these chiefs, but leaving the carpet-way clear. Nobody moved or spoke any more but only waited. In a short time the shrill piping of a coming train was heard, and immediately groups of people began to gather in the street. Two or three open carriages arrived, and depos- ited some maids of honor and some male officials at the hotel. Presently another open carriage brought the Grand Duke of B.iden, a stately man in uniform, who wore the handsome brass-mounted, steel-spiked helmet of the army on his head. Last came the Empress of Germany and the Grand Duchess of Baden in a close carriage ; these passed through the low-bowing groups of servants and disappeared in the hotel, exhibiting to us only the backs of their heads, and then the show was over. It appears to be as difficult to land a monarch as it is to launch a ship. But as to Heidelberg. The weather was growing pretty warm, — very warm, in fact. So we left the valley and took quarters at the Schloss Hotel, on the hill, above the Castle. Heidelberg lies at the mouth of a narrow gorge — a gorge the shape of a shepherd's crook; if one looks up it he . _-,^,^,; ~:^;^--n?*3f5il-'> -p^rrpga SCHLOSS HOTEL HEIDELBERG. HEIDELBERG. 27 perceives that it is about straight, for a mile and a half, then makes a sharp curve to the right and disappears. This gorge, — along whose bottom pours the svs^ift Neckar, — ^is conlined between (or cloven through) a couple of long, steep ridges, a thousand feet high and densely wooded clear to their summits, with the exception of one section which has been shaved and put under cultivation. These ridges are chopped off at the mouth of the gorge and form two bold and conspicuous headlands, with Heidelberg nestling between them ; from their bases spreads awaj the vast dim expanse of the Rhine valley, and into this expanse the I^eckar goes wandering in shining curves and is presently lost to view. ]N"ow if one turns and looks up the gorge once more, he will see the Schloss hotel on the right, perched on a preci- pice overlooking the Neckar, — a precipice which is so sump- tuously cushioned and draped with foliage that no glimpse of the rock appears. The building seems very airily situated. It has the appearance of being on a shelf half way up the wooded mountain side; and as it is remote and isolated, and very white, it makes a strong mark against the lofty leafy rampart at its back. This hotel had a feature which wa? a decided novelty ; and one which might be adopted with advantage by any house which is perched in a commanding situation. This feature may be described as a series of glass-enclosed parlors ding- ing to the outside of the house, one against each and every bedchamber and drawing-room. They are like long, narrow, high-ceiled bird-cages hung against the building. My room was a corner room, and had two of these things, a north one and a west one. From the north cage one looks up the Neckar gorge ; from the west one he looks down it. This last affords the most extensive view, and it is one of the loveliest that can be imagined, too. Out of a billowy upheaval of vivid green foliage, a rifle-shot removed, rises the huge ruin of Heidel- berg Castle, * with empty window arches, ivy-mailed battle- ments, moldering towers — the Lear of inanimate nature, — * See Appendix B. 28 HEIDELBERG CASTLE. deserted, discrowned, beaten by the storms, but royal still, and beautiful. It is a fine sight to see the evening sunlight IN MT CAGE. suddenly strike the leafy declivity at the Castle's base and dash up it and drench it as with a luminous spray, while the adjacent groves are in deep shadow. Behind the Castle swells a great dome-shaped hill, forest- clad, and beyond that a nobler and loftier one. The Castle looks down upon the compact brown-roofed town ; and from the town two picturesque old bridges span the river. Now the view broadens; through the gateway of the sentinel headlands you gaze out over the wide Khine plain, which stretches away, softly and richly tinted, grows gradually and dreamily indistinct, and finally melts imperceptibly into the remote horizon. I have never enjoyed a view which had such a serene and satisfying charm about it as this one gives. The first night we were there, we went to bed and to sleep early ; but I awoke at the end of two or three hours, and lay a comfortable while listening to the soothing patter of the rain against the balcony windows. I took it to be mmi HEIDELBERG BY NIGHT. 31 rain, but it turned out to he only the murmur of the rest- less Neckar, tumbling over her dikes and dams far below, in the gorge. I got up and went into the west balcony and saw a wonderful sight. Away down on the level, under the black mass of the Castle, the town lay, stretched along the river, its intricate cobweb of streets jeweled with twinkling lights ; there were rows of lights on the bridges ; these flung lances of light upon the water, in the black shadows of the arches ; and away at the extremity of all this fairy spectacle blinked and glowed a massed multitude of gas jets which seemed to cover acres of ground ; it was as if all the dia- monds in the world had been spread out there. I did not know before, that a half mile of sextuple railway tracks could be made such an adornment. One thinks Heidelberg by day — with its surroundings — is the last possibility of the beautiful ; but when he sees Hei- delberg by night, a fallen Milky "Way, with that glittering railway constellation pinned to the border, he requires time to consider upon the verdict. One never tires of poking about in the dense woods that clothe all these lofty Neckar hills to their tops. The great deeps of a boundless forest have a beguiling and impressive charm in any country ; but German legends and fairy tales have given these an added charm. They have peopled all that region with gnomes, and dwarfs, and all sorts of mys- terious and uncanny creatures. At the time I am writing of, I had been reading so much of this literature that sometimes I was not sure but I was beginning to believe in the gnomes and fairies as realities. One afternoon I got lost in the woods about a mile from the hotel, and presently fell into a train of dreamy thought about animals which talk, and kobolds, and enchanted folk, and the rest of the pleasant legendary stuiF; and so, by stim- ulating my fancy, I finally got to imagining I glimpsed small flitting shapes here and there down the columned aisles of the forest. It was a place which was peculiarly meet for the occasion. It was a pine wood, with so thick and soft a carpet 32 INTERVIEWED BY A RAVEN. of brown needles that one's footfall made no more sonnd than if he was treading on wool ; the tree-trunks were as round and straight and smooth as pillars, and stood close together ; thej were bare of branches to a point about twent}'- tive feet above ground, and fi-om there upward so thick with boughs that not a raj of sunlight could pierce through. The world was bright with sunshine outside, but a deep and mel- low twilight reigned in there, and also a silence so profound that I seemed to hear my own breathings. When I had stood ten minutes, thinking and imagining, and getting my spirit in tune with the place, and in the right mood to enjoy the supernatural, a raven suddenly uttered a hoarse croak over m.y head. It made me start; and then I was angry because I started. I looked up. and the creature was sitting on a limb right over me, looking down at me. I felt something of the same sense of humiliation and injury which one feels when he finds that a human stranger has been clandestinely inspecting him in his privacy and men- tally commenting upon him. I eyed the raven, and the raven eyed me. Nothing was said during some seconds. Then the bird stepped a little way along his limb to get a better point of observation, lifted his wings, stuck his head far down below his shoulders toward me, and croaked again — a croak with a distinctly insulting expression about it. If he had spoken in English he could not have said any more plainly than he did say in raven, " Well, what do you want here ? " I felt as foolish as if I had been caught in some mean act by a responsible being, and reproved for it. How- ever, I made no reply ; I would not b;indy words with a raven. The adversary M'aited a while, with his shoulders still lifted, his head thrust down between them, and his keen bright eye fixed on me ; then he threw out two or three more insults, which I could not understand, further than that I knew a portion of them consisted of language not used in church. I still made no reply. Now the adversary raised his head and called. There was an answering croak from a little distance in the wood, — evidently a croak of inquir3^ The BEIDELBURG CASTLE, RIVER FRONTAGE. A DECIDED DEFEAT, 35 adversary explained with enthusiasm, and the other raven dropped everything and came. The two sat side by side on the h'mb and discussed me as freely and offensively as two THE RETREAT. great naturalists might discuss a new kind of bug. The thing became more and more embarrassing. They called in another friend. This was too much. I saw that they had the advantage of me, and so I concluded to get out of the scrape by walking out of it. They enjoyed my defeat as much as any low white people could have done. They era, ned their necks and laughed at me, (for a raven cati laugh, just like a man,) they squalled insulting remai-ks after me as long as they could see me. They were nothing but ravens — I knew that, — what they thought about me could be a matter of no consequence, — and yet when even a raven shouts after you, " What a hat ! " " O, pull down your vest ! " and that sort of thing, it hurts you and humiliates you, and there is no getting around it with fine reasoning and pretty arguments. 36 LANGUAGE OF ANIMALS. Animals talk to each other, of course. There can be no question about that ; but I suppose there are very few peo- ple who can understand them. I never knew but one man who could. I knew he could, however, because he told me so himself. lie was a middle-aged, simple-hearted miner who had lived in a lonely corner of California, among the woods and mountains, a good many years, and had studied the ways of his only neighbors, the beasts and the birds, until he believed he could accurately translate any remark which, they made. This was Jim Baker. According to Jim Baker, some animals have only a limited education, and use only very simple words, and scarcely ever a comparison or a flowery figure ; whereas, certain other I aniiiials liave alarge vocabulary, a fine command of language and a ready and fluent delivery ; consequently these latter talk a great deal ; they like it ; they are conscious of their talent, and they enjoy "showing off"." Baker said, that after long and careful observation, he had come to the conclusion that the blue-jays were the best talk- ers he had found among birds and beasts. Said he :— " There's more to a blue-jay than any other creature. He has got more moods, and more difi"erent kinds of feelings than other creature ; and mind you, whatever a blue-jay feels, he can put into language. And no mere com.mon- place language, either, but rattling, out-and-out book-talk— and bristling with metaphor, too— just bristling! And as for command of language— why you never see a blue-jay get stuck for a wordl No man ever did. They just boil out of him! And another thing: I've noticed a good deal, and there's no bird, or cow, or anything that uses as good grammar as a blue-jay. You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does— but you let a cat get BLUE-JAYS AS TALKERS. 57 excited, once ; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat ou a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, hut it ain't so; it's tlie sickening grammar they use. Now I've never heard a jay use bad grammar but very seldom ; and when they do, they are as ashamed as a human ; they shut I'ight doM n and leave. " You may call a jay a bird. "Well, so he is, in a measure — because he's got feathers on him, and don't belong to no church, perhaps; but otherwise he is just as much a human as you be. And I'll tell you for why. A jay's gifts, and instincts, and feelings, and interests, cover the whole ground. A jay hasn't got any more principle than a Congressman. A jay will lie, a jay will steal, a jay will deceive, a jay will betray ; and four times out of five, a jay will ^o back on his solemnest promise. The sacredness of an obligation is a thing Nvliich you can't cram into no blue-jay's head. Now on top of all this, there's another thing : a jay can out-swear any gentleman in the mines. You think a cat can swear. Well, a cat can ; but you give a blue-jay a subject that calls for his reserve-powers, and where is your cat ? Don't talk to me — I know too much about this thing. And there's yet another thing : in the one little particular of scolding- — just good, clean, out-and-out scolding — a blue-jay can lay over anything, human or divine. Yes, sir, a jay is everything that a man is. A jay can cry, a jay can laugh, a jay can fee shame, a jay can reason and plan and discuss, a jay likes gossip and scandal, a jay has got a sense of humor, a jay knows when he is an ass just as well as you do — maybe better. If a jay ain't human, he better take in his sign, that's all. Now I'm going to tell you a perfectly true fact about some blue-jays." CHAPTER III. BAKEK S BLUE-JAY YARN. ^^"YTTHENI first begun to understand jay language cor- T T rectly, there was a little incident happened here. Seven years ago, the last man in this region but me, moved away. There stands his house, — been empty ever since; a log house, with a plank roof — just one big room, and no more ; no ceiling — nothing between the rafters and the floor. Well, one Sunday morning I was sitting out here in front of my cabin, with ray cat, taking the sun, and looking at the blue hills, and listening to the leaves rustling so lonely in the trees, and thinking of the home away yonder in the States, that I hadn't heard from in thirteen years, when a blue jay lit on tliat house, with an acorn in his mouth, and says, ' Hello, I reckon I've struck something.' When he spoke, the acorn dropped out of his mouth and rolled down the roof, of course, but he didn't care ; his mind was all on the thing he had struck. It was a knot-hole in the roof. He cocked his head to one side, shut one eye and put the other one to the hole, like a ' possum looking down a jug ; then he glanced up with his briglit eyes, gave a wink or two with his wings — which signifies gratification, you understand, — and says, 'It looks like a hole, it's located like a hole, — blamed if I don't believe it is a hole ! ' "Then he cocked his head down and took another look; he glances up perfectly joyful, this time; winks his wings and 38 STRUCK SOMETHING. 39 his tail both, and says, ' O, no, this ain't no fat thing, I reckon ! If I ain't in luck ! — why it's a perfectly elegant hole ! ' So he flew down and got that acorn, and fetched it up and dropped it in, and was just tilting his head back, with the heavenliest smile on his face, when all of a sudden he was paralyzed into a listening attitude and that smile faded grad- ually out of his countenance like breath off'n a razor, and the queerest look of surprise took its place. Then he says, ' Why I didn't hear it fall ! ' He cocked his eye at the hole again, and took a long look ; raised up and shook his head ; stepped around to the other side of the hole and took another look from that side ; shook his head again. He studied a wliile, then he just went into the details — walked round and round the hole and spied into it from every point of the compass. No use. ISTow he took a thinking attitude on the comb of the roof and scratched the back of his head with his right foot a minute, and finally says, ' Well, it's too many for 7ne, that's certain ; must be a mighty long hole ; however, I ain't got no time to fool around here, I got to ' tend to business ; I reckon it's all right — chance it, anyway. ' " So he flew ofl" and fetched another acorn and dropped it in, and tried to flirt his eye to the hole quick enough to see what become of it, but he was too late. He held his eye there as much as a minute ; tben he raised up and sighed, and says, ' Consound it, I don't seem to understand this thing, no way ; however, I'll tackle her again. ' He fetched another acorn, and done his level best to see what become of it, but he couldn't. He says, ' Well, / never struck no such a hole as this, before ; I'm of the opinion it's a totally new kind of a hole. ' Then he begun to get mad. He held in for a spell, walking up and down the comb of the roof and shaking his head and muttering to himself; but his feel- ings got the upper hand of him, presently, and he broke loose and cussed himself black in the face. I never see a bird take on so about a little thing. When he got through he walks to the hole and looks in again for half a minute; then he says, ' Well, you're a long hole, and a deep hole, 40 TWO TONS OF ACORNS. and a mighty singular hole altogether — but I've started in to fill you, and I'm d — d if I donH fill you, if it takes a hundred years ! ' "And with that, away he went. You never see a bird work so since you was born. He laid into his work like a nigger, and the way he hove acorns into that hole for about two hours and a half was one a^ ^^^-(=- of the most exciting and astonishing spectacles I ever struck. He never stopped to take a look any more — he just hove ' em in and went for more Well at last he could hardly flop his wings, he was so tuckered out. He comes a-drooping down, once more, sweating like an ice-pitcher, drops his acorn in and says, ' Now I guess I've got the bulge on you by this time!' So he bent down for a look. If you'll believe me, when his head come up again he was just pale with rage. He says, ' I've shoveled acorns enough in there to keep the family thirty years, and if I can see a sign of one of ' em I wish I may land in a museum with a belly full of s aw d u s t S in two minutes ! ' n r "He just had strength ^f enough to crawl up on to - the comb and lean his back » a blue flush about it." agin the chimbly, and then he collected his impressions and begun to free his mind. I see in a second that what I had mistook for profanity in the mines was only just the rudi- ments, as you may say. " Another jay was going by, and heard him doing his de- votions, and stops to inquire what was up. The sufierer told ^T?^ HOW IT ALL HAPPENED, 41 him the whole circumstance, and says, 'Kow yonder's the hole, and if you don't believe me, go and look for yourself.' So this fellow went and looked, and comes back and says, 'How many did you say you put in there? ' *!Not any less than two tons, ' says the sufferer. The other jay went and looked again. He couldn't seem to make it out, so he raised a yell, and three more jays come. They all examined the hole, they all made the sufferer tell it over again, then they all discussed it, and got off as many leather-headed opinions about it as an average crowd of humans could have done. " They called in more jays ; then more and more, till pretty soon this whole region 'peared to have a blue flush about it. There must have been five thousand of them ; and such another jawing and disputing and ripping and cussing, you never heard. Every jay in the whole lot put his eye to the hole and delivered a moi*e chuckle-headed opinion about the mystery than the jay that went there before him. They examined the house all over, too. The door was standing half open, and at last one old jay Iiappened to eo and light on it and look in. Of course that knocked the mystery galley- west in a second. There lay the acorns, scattered all over the floor. He flopped his wings and raised a whoop. ' Come here ! ' he says, ' Come here, everybody ; hang'd if this fool hasn't been trying to All up a house with acorns ! ' They all came a-swooping down like a blue cloud, and as each fellow lit on the door and took a glance, the whole absurdity of the contract that that first jay had tackled hit him home and he fell over backwards suffocating with laughter, and the next jay took his place and done the same. "Well, sir, they roosted around here on the house-top and the trees for an hour, and guffawed over that thing like human beings. It ain't any use to tell me a blue-jay hasn't got a sense of humor, because I know better. And memory, too. They brought jays here from all over the United States to look down that hole, every summer for three years Other 42 ONE COULDN'T SEE THE POINT. birds too. And tliej could all see the point, except an owl that come from l!^ova Scotia to visit the Yo Semite, and he took this thing in on his way back. He said he couldn't see anything funny in it. But then he was a good deal disap- pointed about Yo Semite, too." CHAPTER IV. STUDENT LIFE. THE summer semester was in full tide ; consequently the most frequent figure in and about Heidelberg was the student. Most of the students were Germans, of course, but the representatives of foreign lands were very numerous. They hailed from every corner of the globe, — for instruction is cheap in Heidelberg, and so is living, too. The Anglo- American Club, composed of British and American students, had twenty-five members, and there was still much material left to draw from. Nine-tenths of the Heidelberg students wore no badge or uniform; the other tenth wore caps of various colors, and, belonged to social organizations called " corps." There were five corps, each with a color of its own; there were white caps, blue caps, and red, yellow, and green ones. The famous duel-fighting is confined to the "corps" boys. The "^7^e^j?" seems to be a specialty of theirs, too. Xneips are held, now and then, to celebrate great occasions, — like the election of a beer king, for instance. The solemnity is simple ; the five corps assemble at night, and at a signal they all fall loading themselves with beer, out of pint-mugs, as fast as possible, and each man keeps his own count, — usually by laying aside a lucifer match for each mug he empties. The election is soon decided. "When the candidates can hold no more, a count is instituted and the- one who has drank the 4a 44 THE "KNEIP. greatest number of pints is proclaimed king. I was told that the last beer king elected by the corps, — or by his own capa- bilities, — emptied his mug seventy-live times. No stomach THE BEER KING. could hold all that quantity at one time, of course, — but there are ways of frequently creating a vacuum, which those who have been much at sea will understand. One sees so many students abroad at all hours, that he presently begins to wonder if they ever have any woi-king hours. Some of them have, some of them haven't. Each can choose for himself whether he will work or play; for German university life is a very free life ; it seems to have no restraints. The student does not live in the college build- ings, but hires his own lodgings, in any locality he prefers, and he takes his meals when and where he pleases. He goes to bed when it suits him, and does not get up at all un- less he wants to. He is not entered at the university for any particular length of time ; so he is likely to change about. He passes no examination upon entering college. He merely pays a trifling fee of five or ten dollars, receives a card entitling him to the privileges of the university, and that ATTENDING LECTURES. 45 is tlie end of it. He is now ready for business, — or play, as he shall prefer. If he elects to work, he finds a large list of lectures to choose from. He selects the subjects which he will study, and enters his name for these studies ; but he can skip attendance. The result of this system is, that lecture-courses upon specialties ol an unusual nature are often deliverd to very slim audiences, while those upon more practical and every -day matters of education are delivered to very large ones. I THE lecturer's AUDIENCE. heard of one case where, day after day, the lecturer's audience consisted of three students,— and always the same three. But one day two of them remained away. The lecturer be- gan as usual, — " Gentlemen," — — then, without a smile, he corrected himself, saying, — " Sir,"— — and went on with his discourse. It is said that the vast majority of the Heidelberg students 46 IMPROVING OPPORTUNITIE.^. are hard worlcers, and make the most of their oppoi'tuiutie§ ; that they have no surplus means to spend in dissipation, and no time to spare for frolicking. One lecture follows right on the heels of another, with very little time for the student to get out of one hall and into the next ; but the industrious INDUSTRIOUS STUDENTS. ones manage it by going on a trot. The professors assist them in the saving of their time by being promptly in their little boxed-up pulpits when the hours strike, and as promptly out again when the hour finishes. I entered an empty lecture room one day just before the clock struck. The place had sim- ple, un painted pine desks and benches for about 2oo persons. About a minute before the clock struck, a hundred and fifty students swarmed in, rushed to their seats, imme- diately spread open their note-books and dipped their pens in the ink. When the clock began to strike, a burly profes- sor entered, was received with a round of applause, moved swiftly down the center aisle, said "Gentlemen," and began to talk as he climbed his pulpit steps; and by the time he had arrived in his box and faced his audience, his lecture was well under way and all the pens M^ere going. lie had no notes, he talked with prodigious rapidity and energy for an hour, — then the students began to remind him in certain well understood ways that his time was up ; he seized his hat, still talking, proceeded swiftly down liis pulpit steps, got out the last word of his discourse as he struck the floor; everybody rose respectfully, and he swept rapidly, down the CORPS-ETIQUETTE. 47 aisle and disappeared. An instant rush for some other lecture room followed, and in a minute I was alone with the empty benches once more. Yes, without doubt, idle students are not the rule. Out of eight hundred in the town, I knew the faces of only about fifty; but these I saw everywhere, and daily. They walked about the streets and the wooded hills, they drove in cabs, they boated on the river, they sipped beer and coffee, after- noons, in the Schloss gardens. A good many of them wore the colored caps of the corps. They were finely and fashionably dressed, their manners were quite superb, and they led an easy, care- less, comfortable life. If a dozen of them sat together, and a lady or a gentleman passed whom one of them knew and saluted, they all rose to their feet and took off their caps. The members of a corps always received a fellow-member in this way, too ; but they paid no attention to members of other corps ; they did not seem to see them. This was not a discourtesy ; it was only a part of the elaborate and rigid corps-etiquette. There seems to be no chilly distance existing between the German students and the professor ; but on the contrary, a companionable intercourse, the opposite of chilliness and reserve. When the professor enters a beer hall in the eve- ning where students are gathered together, these rise up and take off their caps, and invite the old gentleman to sit with them and partake. He accepts, and the pleasant talk and IDLE STUDENT. 48 ABOUT DOGS. the beer flow for an hour or two, and by and by the profes- sor, properly charged and comfortable, gives a cord ''al good night, while the stu- dents staiid bowing and uncovered ; and then he moves on his happy way home- w a r d with all his vast cargo of learn- ing afloat in his hold. Nobody finds fault or feels outraged ; no harm has been done. companionable intercourse. It seemed to be a part of corps-etiquette to keep a dog or so, too. I mean a corps-dog, — the common property of the organization, like the corps-steward or head servant; then there are other dogs, owned by individuals. On a summer afternoon in the Castle gardens, I have seen six students march solemnly into the grounds, in single file, each carrying a bright Chinese parasol and leading a pro- digious dog by a string. It was a very imposing spectacle. Sometimes there would be about as many dogs around the AN IMPOSING SPECTACLE. pavilion as students ; and of all breeds and of all degrees of beauty and ugliness. These dogs had a rather dry time of it ; for they were tied to the benches and had no amusement MORE ABOUT DOGS. 49 for an hour or two at a time except what they could get out of pawing at the gnats, or trying to sleep and not succeeding. However, they got a lump of sugar occasionally — they were fond of that. It seemed right and proper that students should indulge in dogs ; but every body else had them, too, — old m.en and young ones, old women and nice young ladies. If there is one spectacle that is unpleasanter than another, it is that of an elegantly dressed young lady towing a dog by a string. It is said to be the sign and symbol o f blighted love. It seems to me that some other way of adver- tising it might be devised, which would be just as con- spicuous and yet not so try- ing to the pro- prieties. It would be a mistake to suppose that the easy-going pleasure- s e e k - ing student carries an emp- ty head. Just the contrary. an advertisment. He has spent nine years in the Gymnasium, under a system 50 THE GERMAN STUDENT. whicli allowed him no freedom, but vigorously compelled him to work like a slave. Consequently he has left the gym- nasium with an education which is so extensive and complete, that the most a university can do for it is to perfect some of its prof ounder specialties. It is said that when a pupil leaves the gymnasium, he not only has a comprehensive education, but he Icnows what he knows, — it is not befogged with uncer- tain tj^, it is burnt into him so that it will stay. For instance, he does not merely read and write Greek, but speaks it; the same with the Latin. Foreign youth steer clear of the gymnasium ; its rules are too severe. They go to the uni- versity to put a mansard roof on their whole general educa- tion ; but the German student already has his mansard roof, so he goes there to add a steeple in the nature of some spec- ialty, such as a particular branch of law, or medicine, or philology — like international law, or diseases of the eye, or special study of the ancient Gothic tongues. So this German attends only the lectures which belong to the chosen branch, and drinks his beer and tows his dog around and has a general good time the rest of the day. He has been in rigid bondage so long that the large liberty of university life is just what he needs and likes and thoroughly appre- ciates; and as it cannot last forever, he makes the most of it while it does last, and so lays up a good rest against the day that must see him put on the chains once more and enter the slavery of official or professional life. CHAPTER y. AT THE students' DUELING GROUND. ONE day in the interest of science my agent obtained permission to bring me to the students' dueling place. We crossed the river and drove up the bank a few hundred yards, then turned to the left, entered a narrow alley, fol- lowed it a hundred yards and arrived at a two-story public house; M^e were acquainted with its outside aspect, for it was visible from the hotel. We went wp stairs and passed into a large whitewashed apartment which was perhaps fifty feet long, by thirty feet wide and twenty or twenty-five high. It was a well lighted place. There was no carpet. Across one end and down both sides of the room extended a row of tables, and at these tables some fifty or seventy -five students* were sitting. Some of them were sipping wine, others were playing cards, others chess, other groups were chatting together, and many were smohing cigarettes while they waited for the com- ing duels. ^Nearly all of them wore colored caps ; there were white caps, green caps, blue caps, red caps, and bright yel- low ones ; so, all the five corps were present in strong force. In the windows at the vacant end of the room stood six or eight long, narrow-bladed swords with large protecting guards for the hand, and outside was a man at work sharpening * See Appendix C. ^ 51 52 DUELING CUSTOMS. others on a grindstone. He understood his business ; for when a sword left his hand one could shave himself with it. It was observable that the young gentlemen neither bowed to nor spoke with students whose caps differed in color from their own. This did not mean hostility, but only an armed neutrality. It was considered that a person could strike harder in the duel, and with a more earnest in- terest, if he had never been in a condition of comradeship with his n\ antagonist ; therefore, comradeship between the corps was not per- mitted. At intervals the presidents of the live corps have a cold official intercourse with each other, but nothing further. For example when the regular duel- ing day of one of the corps approaches, its president calls for volunteers from among the membership to offer battle; three or more respond,— but there must not be less than three ; the president lays their names before the other presidents, with the request that they furnish antagonists for these challengers from among their corps. This is promptly done. It chanced that the present occa- sion was the battle day of the Eed Cap Corps. They were the challengers, and certain caps of other colors had volun- teered to meet them. The students fight duels in the room which I have described, two days in every weeTc during seven and a half or eight months in every year. This custom has continued in Germany two hundred and fifty years. To return to my narrative. A student in a white cap met us and introduced us to six or eight friends of his who also " DNDEKSTAND8 HIS BUSINESS.' THE COMBATANTS. 53 wore white caps, and while we stood conversing, two strange looking figures were led in from another room. They were students panoplied for the duel. They were bare-headed • their eyes were protected by iron goggles which projected an inch or more, the leather straps of which bound their ears flat against their heads ; their necks were wound around and around with thick wrappings which a SM'ord could not cut through ; from chin to ankle they were padded thoroughly against injury; their arms were bandaged and re-bandaged, layer upon layer, until they looked like solid black logs. These weird apparitions had been handsome youths, clad in fashionable attire, fifteen minutes before, but now they did not resemble any beings one ever sees unless in night- mares. They strode along, with their arms projecting straight out from their bodies; they did not hold them out themselves, but fel- low students walked beside them and gave the needed support. There was a rush for the vacant end of the room, novv'j and we followed and got good places. The combatants were placed face to face, each with several members of his own corps about him to assist ; two seconds, well padded, and with swords in their THE OLD suKGEON. hauds, took near stations; a student belonging to neither of the opposing corps placed himself in a good position to umpire the com- bat; another student stood by with a watch and a memoran- dum-book to keep record of the time and the number and nature of the wounds ; a gray haired surgeon was present 54 THE FIRST DUEL. with his lint, his bandages and his instruments. After a moment's pause the duelists saluted the umpire respect- fully, then one after another the several officials stepped for- ward, gracefully removed their caps and saluted him also, and returned to their places. Everything was ready, now ; students stood crowded together in the foreground, and others stood behind them on chairs and tables. Every face was turned toward the center of attraction. The combatants were watching each other with alert eyes ; THE FIRST WOUND. a perfect stillness, a breathless interest reigned. I felt that I was going to see some wary work. But not so. The instant the word was given, the two apparitions sprang forward and began to rain blows down upon each other with such lightning rapidity that 1 could not quite tell whether I saw the swords or only the flashes they made in the air; the rattling din of these blows, as they struck steel or paddings was sometliing wonderfully stirring, and they were struck with such terrif- ic force that I could not understand why the opposing sword was not beaten down under the assault. Presently, in the midst of the sword-flashes, I saw a handful of hair skip into the air as if it had lain loose on the victim's head and a breath of wind had pufied it suddenly away. A DRAWN BATTLE. 55 The seconds cried "Halt !" and knocked up the combatant's swords with their own. The duelists sat down ; a student- official stepped forward, examined the wounded head and touched the place with a sponge once or twice ; the surgeon came and turned back the hair from the wound — and re- vealed a crimson gash two or three inches long, and pro- ceeded to bind an oval piece of leather and a bunch of lint over it ; the tally-keeper stepped up and tallied one for the opposition in his book. Then the duelists took position again ; a small stream of blood was flowing down the side of the injured man's head, and over his shoulder and down his body to the floor, but he did not seem to mind this. The Mord was given, and they plunged at each other as fiercely as before ; once more the blows rained and rattled and flashed ; every few moments the quick-eyed seconds would notice that a swoid was bent — then they called " Halt ! " struck up the contending weapons, and an assisting student straightened the bent one. The wonderful turmoil went on — presently a bright spark sprung from a blade, and that blade, broken in several pieces, sent one of its fragments flying to the ceiling. A new sword was provided, and the fight proceeded. The exercise was tremendous, of course, and in time the fighters began to show great fatigue. They were allowed to rest a moment, every little while; they got other rests by wounding each other, for then they could sit down while the doctor applied the lint and bandages. The law is that the battle must con- tinue fifteen minutes if the men can hold out ; and as the pauses do not count, this duel was protracted to twenty or thirty minutes, I judged. At last it was decided that the men were too much wearied to do battle longer. They were led away drenched with crimson from head to foot. That Mas a good fight, but it could not count, partly because it did not last the lawful fifteen minutes, (of actual fighting,) and partly because neither man was disabled by his wounds. It was a drawn battle, and corps-law requires that drawn battles shall be re-fought as soon as the adversaries are well of their hurts. 4 56 A SHORT CONFLICT. During the conflict, I had talked a little, now and then, with a young gentleman of the white cap corps and he had mentioned that he was to fight next, — and had also pointed out his challenger, a young gentleman who was leaning against the opposite wall smoking a cigarette and restfully observing the duel then in progress. My acquaintanceship with a party to the coming contest had the effect of giving me a kind of personal interest in it ; I naturally wished he might win, and it was the reverse of pleasant to learn that he probably would not, because al- though he was a notable swordsman, the challenger was held to be his superior. The duel presently began and in the same furious way which had marked the previous one. I stood close by, but could not tell which blows told and which did not, they fell and vanished so like flashes of light. They all seemed to tell ; the swords always bent over the opponents' heads, from the forehead back over the crown, and seemed to touch, all the way ; but it was not so, — a protecting blade, invisible to me, was always interposed between. At the end of ten seconds each man had struck twelve or fifteen blows, and warded off twelve or fifteen, and no harm done; then a sword became disabled, and a short rest followed whilst anew one was brought. Early in the next round the white corps student got an ugly wound on the side of his head and gave his opponent one like it. In the third round the latter re- ceived another bad wound in the head, and the former had his under-lip divided. After that, the white corps student gave many severe wounds, but got none of consequence in return. At the end of five minutes from the beginning of the duel the surgeon stopped it ; the challenging party had suffered such injuries that any addition to them might be dangerous. These injuries were a fearful spectacle, but are better left undescribed. So, against expectation, my acquaintance was the victor. CHAPTER yi. THE third duel was brief and bloody. Tlie surgeon stop- ped it when he saw that one of the men had received such bad wounds that he could not fight longer without endangering his life. The fourth duel was a tremendous encounter ; but at the end of five or six minutes the surgeon interfered once more: another man so severely hurt as to render it unsafe to add to his harms. I watched this engagement as I had watched the others, — with rapt interest and strong excitement, and with a shrink and a shudder for every blow that laid open a cheek or a forehead ; and a conscious paling of my face when 1 occasionally saw a wound of a yet more shocking nature inflicted. My eyes were upon the loser of this duel when he got his last and vanquishing wound, — it was in his face and it carried away his — but no matter, I must not enter into details. I had but a glance, and then turned quickly away, but I would not have been looking at all if I had knoMn what was coming. No, that is probably not true ; one thinks he would not look if he knew what was coming, but the interest and the excitement are so powerful that they would doubtless conquer all other feelings ; and so, under the fierce exhilaration of the clashing steel, he would yield and look, after all. Sometimes spectators of these duels faint, — and it does seem a very reasonable thing to do, too. 57 58 REPAIRING DAMAGES. Both parties to this fourth duel were badly hurt; so much so that the surgeon was at work upon them nearly or quite an hour, — a fact which is suggestive. But this waiting in- terval was not wasted in idleness by the assembled students. It was past noon ; therefore they ordered their landlord, down stairs, to send up hot beefsteaks, chickens, and such things, and these they ate, sitting comfortably at the several tables, whilst they chatted, disputed and laughed. The door to the surgeon's room stood open, meantime, but the cutting, sewing, splicing and bandaging going on in there in plain view, did not seem to disturb any one's appetite. I went in and saw the surgeon labor a Mobile, but could not enjoy it ; it was much less trying, to see the wounds given and received than to see them mended ; the stir and turmoil, and the m:isic of the steel, were wanting, here, — one's nerves were wrung by this grisly spectacle, whilst the duel's compensating pleasurable thrill was lacking. Finally the doctor finished, and the men who were to fight the closing battle of the day came forth. A good many dinners were not completed, yet, but no matter, they could be eaten cold, after the battle; therefore everybody crowded forward to see. This was not a love duel, but a " satisfac- tion "affair. These two students had quarreled, and were here to settle it. They did not belong to any of the corps, but they were furnished with weapons and armor, and permitted to fight here by the five corps as a courtesy. Evi- dently these two young men were unfamiliar with the dueling ceremonies, though they were not unfamiliar with the sword. When they were placed in position they thought it was time to begin, — and they did begin, too, and with a most impetu- ous energy, without waiting for anybody to give the word. This vastly amused the spectators, and even broke down their studied and courtly gravity and surprised them into laughter. Of course the seconds struck up the swords and started the duel over again. At the word, the deluge of blows began, but before long the surgeon once more interfered, — for the only reason which ever permits him to interfere, — and the WHAT I SAW. 61 day's war was over. It was now two in the afternoon, and 1 had been present since half past nine in the morning. The field of battle was indeed a red one by this time ; but some sawdust soon righted that. There liad been one duel before 1 arrived. In it one of the men received many injuries, while the other one escaped without a scratch. I had seen the heads and faces of ten youths gashed in every direction by the -keen two-edged blades, and yet had not seen a victim wince, nor heard a moan, or detected any fleeting expression whicli confessed the sharp pain the hurts were inflicting. This was good fortitude, indeed. Such endurance is to be expected in savages and prize-fighters, for they are born and educated to it ; but to find it in such per- fection in these gently bred and kindly natured young fellows is matter for surprise. It was not merely under tho excite- ment of the sword-play that this fortitude was shown ; it \vas shown in the surgeon's room where an uninspiring quiet reigned, and where there was no audience. Tlie doctor's manipulations brought out neither grimaces nor moans. And in the fights it was observable that these lads hacked and slashed with the same tremendous spirit, after they were covered with streaming wounds, which they had shown in, the beginning. The world in general looks upon the college duels as very- farcical affairs: true, but considering that the college duel is- fought by boys ; that the swords are real swords ; and that the • head and face are exposed, it seems to me that it is a farce- which has quite a grave side to it. People laugh at it mainly because they think the student is so covered up with armor- that he cannot be hurt. But it is not so;, his eyes and ears are protected, but the rest of his face and head are bare. lie can not only be badly wounded, but his life is in danger ; and he would sometimes lose it but for the interference of the surgeon. It is not intended that his life shall be endan- gered. Fatal accidents are possible, however. For in- stance, the student's sword may break, and the end of it fly. up behind his antagonist's ear and. cut an artery; which. could. (^9 KKSIMIS OV iU>l.LRGR TMTRl.a not. bo rortohovl it" ll»o Hwovil n'MiMiiusl w holo. This l»;»s hrtpjnMUMl, f*onuMinu^s, niul il<\'»lh Iims vi>;iilt«'*l on \\\c sjh>I. Konn«Mlv \\\o st>ul(Mit*s MiMniuis >\«M(' not protochnJ,— HJkI nt th;n timo tho Hwonls \v»mv ]>ointoil, whovorts* tlu\y rtvc bhint, i\o\v ; s^o !U\ juMiM'y in tl»o nnupit. \v«s tJonuMiiuos cut, Miul ilo.'Wh t\>l)o\\t^(l. 'riu-n in ll>o d«y« of ^1>:^■|^ juMnttnl {^Nvonli^, !i sj>iHM;U»>r \v;»s i\\\ Oi'\::\^'\o\\:\\ violini. (ho »m>*1 of ,•> brokon sword tbnv tivo or toi\ t\^(M j»»ul bmiod ilsolf in liis UOck OVbis boj^Vl, ;\nd ilr;ith «M\siunl inst:u\(l\ Tin- sIiuIimM \on yojir, now, but ll\i^< iirisosi onlv (vow llio o;u'i>U^sm>oss o( tbo wonndovl ui»M\; thov (\'i( im- ilriuk it\ipnuliMitl\ . or I'ouuuit OXtVsisosin tbo wrtv of ovor oxortion ; iut1;u»uu;Uiim sots in suul jvot!< snob !» bo;\thY;\v tlu'U. it. 0Mni\ot bi* ;invsu»]. Imiood t)\oro is Mood ;>nd j^'iin suul il!U>j;rv (M\oui>.1> nbout tlu'ioUop) diuM to tM\fitlo it to !i oonsidornblo doijivo of nvspoot.. All tho t'nstv>n\s. nil tbo l;uvs, mU tbo dotails, pcM-tnininjv to tbo stndont. ibiol aiv ipnvinl nnd i\:ii\o. Tho grnvo, prooijio, !\nil oonrtlv coivnH>n;s' \vitb whiih tho thing is romhu-tiil, invosts it witb a sort v^f nntlqiio oh;uu\. Thisdiji'nity, ;>nd thoso kniuhlly grjuvs snjyji,vst thotouniM n\ont. not tho yrho lisfbt.. Tho hiws nro as ourions ns thi^y aro strict. For inst.'uuv, tbo vhtolibt ni;>Y stop 1\>r\\!ird lron\ tlu> liiu'' bo is pk'iood upon, if bo oboosos, bnt novor back of it 1 1' ho stt^ps back of it, or ovimi lo.ms back, it is oousidtn^d tbat bo did it to avoid a bbnv in- oontvivo an advantai>v ; so bo is disnnssotl fron\ bis oor]>s in disgraoo. It. would soon) bnt natural to stop fion\ nuvlor a dovsoonding' s^word wnoon* scionslv, and a^i»\'unst ono's will atui intont, — vot this nnrtnu seionsnoss is not allowed. Ajvain: if nndor tbo snddon anji'uish of a wound tbo rov-oivor o{ it niakos a i>Titnaoo, bo jfjills soiuo tlogwes in tbo ostinnuion of bivS follows; bis corps aro asbaniod of bitn : tboy oall l\iin "baro foot." which is tbo luMMuan oi^nivalont for ohiokon-bcartod. CIIAITER VIL IN addition fo l,li(! f-orpH lawH, fliere are some corps-tisages which have, the- forcv, of IfiWK. Ps than decline; to dec-line, and still rcrnnin in the, corps would make him un[)leasantly coriBpIrnious, and })roj)crly so, since 1)0 knew, wlien he jf)inf,d, that his main business, as a mem- ber, would t)e to fight. No, there is no law against declin- ing, — except the law of custom, which is confessedly strong- er than written law, everywhere. The ten men whose duels I had witnessed did ri()tgo away when tlieir hurts were dresseORed they would, but came back, one after another, as soon as they were irc;e of the surgeon, and mingled with the assemblage in the dueling room. The wliite-cap student who won the se(;ond fight witnessed the remaining three, and talked with us during the intermissions. He could not talk very well, because his opponent's sword had cut his under lip in two, 64 THE WOUNDED. and then the surgeon had sewed it together and overlaid it with a profusion of white plaister patches; neither conld he eat easily, still he contriv- ed to accomplish a s 1 o w and troublesome luncheon while the last duel was preparing. The man who was the worst hurt of all, ~y^ played chess while waiting to see this engagement. A good part of his face was covered with patches and '^Uhnmddi^^ bandages, and all the rest of his head was covered and concealed by them. It is said that the student likes to appear on the street and in other public places in this kind of array, and that this predilec- tion often keeps him out when exposure to rain or sun is a positive danger for him. Newly bandaged students are a very common specta- cle in the public gardens of Heidelberg. It is also said that the student is glad to get woimds in the face, because the scars they leave will show so well there; and it is also said that these face- wounds are so prized that youths have even been known to pull them apart from time to time and put red wine in them to make them heal badly and leave as ugly a scar as possible. It does not look reasonable, but it is roundly asserted and maintained, nevertheless; I am sure of one thing, — scars are plenty enough in Germany, among the young men; and very grim ones they are, too. They criss-cross the face in angry red welts, and are permanent FAVORITE STREET COSTUME. A BADGE OF HONOR. 65 and ineffaceable. Some of these scars are of a very strange and dreadful aspect; and the effect is striking wlien several such accent the milder ones, which form a city map on a man's face ; they suggest the " burned district " then. We had often noticed that many of the students wore a colored silk band or ribbon diagonally across their breasts. It transpired that this sig- nifies that the wearer has fought three duels in which a decision was reached — duels in which he either whipped or was whipped , — f o r ineffaceable scars. drawn battles do not count* After a student has received his ribbon, he is " free ; " he can cease from fighting, with- out reproach, — except some one insult him; his president cannot appoint him to fight ; he can volunteer if he wants to, or remain quiescent if he prefers to do so. Statistics show that he does not prefer to remain quiescent. They show that the duel has a singular fascination about it some- where, for these free men, so far from resting upon the priv- ilege of the badge, are always volunteering. A corps student told me it was of record that Prince Bismarck fought thirty- two of these duels in a single summer term when he was in * From mt Diary. — Dined in a hotel a few miles up the Neckar, in a room whose walls were hung all over with framed portrait-groups of the Five Corps ; some were recent, but many antedated photography, and were pic- tured in lithography— the dates ranged back to forty or fifty years ago. Nearly every individual wore the ribbon across his breast. In one portrait- group representing (as each of these pictures did) an entire Corps, I took pains to count the ribbons : there were twenty-seven members, and twenty- one of them wore that significant badge. QQ A LITTLE STATISTICAL. college. So be fought twenty-nine after his badge had given him the right to retire from the field. Tlie statistics may be found to possess interest in several particulars. Two days in every week are devoted to dueling. The rule is rigid that there must be three duels on each of these days ; there are generally more, but there cannot be fewer. There were six the day I was present ; sometimes there are seven or eight. It is insisted that eight duels a week, — four for each of the two days, — is too low an average to draw a calculation from, but I M'ill reckon from that basis, preferring an under-statement to an over-statement of the case. This requires about four hundred and eighty or five hundred duelists in a year, — for in summer the college term is about three and a half months, and in winter it is four months and sometimes longer. Of the seven hundred and fifty students in the university at the time I am writing of, only eighty belonged to the five corps, and it is only these corps that do the dueling ; occasionally other students borrow the arms and battle-ground of the five corps in order to settle a quarrel, but this does not happen every dueling day.* Consequently eighty youths furnish the material for some two hundred and fifty duels a year. This average gives six fights a year to each of the eighty. This large work could not be accomplished if the badge-holders stood upon their privilege and ceased to volunteer. Of course where there is so much fighting, the students make it a point to keep themselves in constant practice with the foil. One often sees them, at the tables in the Castle grounds, using their whips or canes to illustrate some new sword trick which they have heard about; and between the duels, on the day whose history I have been writing, the swords were not alwaj'S idle ; every now and then we heard a succession of tlie keen hissing sounds which the sword males *They have to borrow the arms because they couM not get them else- where or otherwise. As I understand it, the public authorities, all oyer Germany, allow the five corps to keep swords, but do not allow them to use them. This law is rigid ; it is only the execution of it that is lax. CONSTANT SWORD PRACTICE. §7 when it is being put through its paces in the air, and this informed us that a student was practicing. Necessarily this unceasing attention to the art develops an expert occasion- ally. He becomes famous in his own university, his renown spreads to other universities. He is invited to Gottingen, to fight with a Gottingen expert ; if he is victorious, he will be invited to other colleges, or those colleges will send their experts to him. Americans and Englishmen often join one or another of the five corps. A year or two ago, the princi- pal Heidelberg expert was a big Kentuckian ; he was invited to the various universities and left a wake of victory behind him all about Germany ; but at last a little student in Stras- burg defeated him. There was formerly a student in Heidelberg who had picked up somewhere and mastered a peculiar trick of cutting up under instead of cleaving down from above. While the trick lasted he won in sixteen suc- cessive duels in his own university ; but by that time observers had discovered what his charm was, and how to break it, therefore his championship ceased. The rule which forbids social intercourse between mem^ bers of different corps is strict. In the dueling house, in the parks, on the street, and anywhere and everywhere that students go, caps of a color group themselves together. li all the tables in a public garden were crowded but one, and that one had two red-cap students at it and ten vacant places, the yellow caps, the blue caps, the white caps and the green caps, seeking seats, would go by that table and not seem to see it, nor seem to be aware that there M-as such a table in the grounds. The student by whose courtesy we had been enabled to visit the dueling place, wore the white cap, — Prussian Corps. He introduced us to many white caps but to none of another color. The corps etiquette extended even to us, who were strangers, and required us to group with the white corps only, and speak only with the white corps, while we were their guests, and keep aloof from caps of the other colors. Once I wished to examine some of the swords, but an American student said, " It would not be quite polite; these now in the windows all have red hilts ot 6S CORPS ETIQUETTE. blue; they will bring in some with white hilts presently, and those jou can handle freely." When a sword was broken in the first duel, I wanted a piece of it ; but its hilt was the wrong color, so it was considered best and politest to await a properer season. It was bronght to me after the room was cleared, and I will now make a "life-size" sketch of it by tracing a line around it with my pen, to show the width of the weapon. The lenoth of these swords is about three feet, and they are quite heavy. One's disposition to cheer, during the course of the duels or at their close, was naturally strong, but corps etiquette forbade any demonstrations of this sort. However brilliant a contest or a victory might be, no sign or sound be- trayed that any one was mov^ed. A dignified grav- ity and repression were maintained at all times. AVhen the dueling was finished and we were ready to go, the gentlemen of the Prussian Corps to whom we had been introduced took off their caps in the courteous German way, and also shook hands ; their brethren of the same order took off their caps and bowed, but without shaking hands; the gentlemen of the other corps treated us just as they would have treated white caps, — tliey fell apart, appar- ently unconsciously, and left us an unobstructed pathway, but did not seem to see us or know we were there. If we had gone thither the following week as guests of another corps, the white caps, without meaning any offense would have observed the etiquette of their order and ignored our presence. [How strangely are comedy and tragedy blended in this life ! I had not been home a full half hour, after witnessing those playful sham-duels, when circumstances made it necessary for me to get ready immediately to assist personally at a real one — a duel with no effeminate limitations in the matter of results, but a battle to the death. An account of it, .in the next chapter, will show the reader that duels between boys, for fun^ and duels between men in earnest, are very different affairs.] PIECE OF SWORD. CHAPTER Vm. THE GKEAT FKENCH DUEL. MUCH as the modern French duel is ridiculed by certain smart people, it is in reality one of the most dangerous institutions of our day. Since it is always fought in the open air the combatants are nearly sure to catch cold. M. Paul de Cassagnac, the most inveterate of the French duelists, has suffered so often in this way that he is at last a confirmed invalid; and the best physician in Paris has expressed the opinion that if he goes on dueling for fifteen or twenty j^ears more, — unless he forms the habit of fighting in a comfortable room where damps and draughts cannot intrude, — he will eventually endanger his life. This ought to moderate the talk of those people who are so stubborn in maintaining that the French duel is the most health-giving of recreations because of the open-air ejcercise it affords. And it ought also to moderate that foolish talk about Frencli duelists and socialist-hated monarchs being the only people who are immortal. But it is time to get at my subject. As soon as I heard of the late fiery outbreak between M. Gambetta and M. Four- tou in the French Assembly, T knew that trouble must fol- low. I knew it because a long perponal friendship with M. Gambetta had revealed to me the desperate and implacable nature of the man. Yast as are his physical proportions, I knew that the thirst for revenge would penetrate to the re- motest frontiers of his person. 69 70 MAKING PREPARATIONS. I did not wait for liim to call on me, but went at once to him. As I expected, I found the brave fellow steeped in a profound French calm. I say French calm, because French calmness and En owlish calmness have points of diflference. He was moving swiftly back and forth among the debris of his furniture, now and then staving chance frag- ments of it across the room with his foot ; grinding a constant grist of curses through his set teeth ; and halting every little while to deposit another handful of his hair on the pile which he had been building of it on the table. He threw his arms around FRENCH CALM. mv uect, bcut me over his stomach to his breast, kissed me on both cheeks, hugged me four or five times, and then placed me in his own arm-chair. As soon as I had got well again, we began business at once. I said I supposed he would wish me to act as his second, and he said, " Of course." I said I must be allowed to act under a French name, so that I might be shielded from obloquy in my country, in case of fatal results. He winced here, probably at the suggestion that dueling was not regard- ed with respect in America. However, he agreed to my re- quirement. This accounts for the fact that in all the news- paper reports M. Gambetta's second was apparently a Frenchman. First, we drew up my principaPs will. I insisted upon this, and stuck to my point. I said I had never heard of a man in his right mind going out to tight a duel without first making his will. He said he had never heard of a man in his right mind doing anything of the kind. When he had finished the will, he wished to proceed to a choice of THE CHALLENGE. 71 his "last words." He wanted to know how the following words, as a dying exclamation, struck me : — " I die for my God, for my country, for freedom of speech, for progress, and the universal brotherhood of man ! " I objected that this would require too lingering a death ; it was a good speech for a consumptive, but not suited to the exigencies of the field of honor. We wrangled over a good many ante-mortem outbursts, but I finally got him to cut his obituary down to this, which he copied into his memoran- dum book, purposing to get it by heart : — " I DIE THAT FKANCE MAY LIVE." I said that this remark seemed to lack relevancy ; but he said relevancy was a matter of no consequence in last words, what you wanted was thrill. The next thing in order was the choice of weapons. My principal said he was not feeling well, and would leave that and the other details of the proposed meeting to me. There- fore I wrote the following note and carried it to M. Fourtou's friend : — " Sir: M. Gambetta accepts M. Fourtou's challenge, and authorizes me to propose Plessis-Piquet as the place of meet- ing; to-morrow morning at daybreak as the time; and axes as the weapons. I am, sir, with great respect, Maek Twain." M. Fourtou's friend read this note, and shuddered. Then he turned to me, and said, with a suggestion of severity in his tone : — "Have yon considered, sir, what would be the inevitable result of such a meeting as this ? ■' "Well, for instance, what would \t be ?" " Bloodshed ! " " That's about the size of it,"I said. " Now, if it is a fair the chau.ekge accepted. question, what was your side proposing to shed 2" 72 CHOOSING WEAPONS. I had him, there. He saw he had made a blunder, so he hastened to explain it away. He- said he had spoken jesting- ly. Then he added that he and his principal would enjoy axes, and indeed prefer them, but such weapons were barred by the French code, and so I must change my proposal. I walked the floor, turning the thing over in my mind, and finally it occurred to me that Gatling guns at fifteen paces would be a likely way to get a verdict on the field of honor. So I framed tliis idea into a proposition. But it was not accepted. The code was in the way again. I proposed rifles; then double-barreled shot-guns; then, Colt's navy revolvers. These being all rejected, I reflected a while, and sarcastically suggested brick-bats at three quar- ters of a mile. I always hate to fool away a humorous thing on a person who has no perception of humor; and it filled me with bitterness when this man went soberly away to submit the last proposition to his principal. He came back presently and said his principal was charmed with the idea of brick-bats at three quarters of a mile, but must decline on account of the danger to disinterested parties passing between. Then I said : — " Well, I am at the end of my string, now. Perhaps you would be good enough to suggest a weapon ? Perhaps you have even had one in your mind all the time ? " His countenance brightened, and he said with alacrity, — " Oh, without doubt, monsieur ! " So he fell to hunting in his pockets,— pocket after pocket, and he had plenty of them,— muttering all the while, " Now, what could I have done with them ? " At last he was successful. He fished out '^^^ of his vest pocket a couple of little things which I carried to the light and ascertamed to be pistols. They were single-barreled and silver-mounted, aud very dainty and pretty. I was not able to speak for emotion. I silently hung one of them on my watch chain, and returned A BEARCH. DECIDING ON DISTANCE. 73 the other. Mj companion in crime now unrolled a postage- stamp containing several cartridges, and gave me one of them. I asked if he meant to signify by this that our men were to be allowed but one shot apiece. He replied that the French code permitted no more. I then begged him to go on and suggest a distance, for my mind was growing weak and confused under the strain which had been put upon it. He named sixty-five yards. I nearly lost my patience. 1 said, — " Sixty -five yards, with these instruments? Squirt-guns would be deadlier at fifty. Consider, my friend, you and I are banded together to destroy life, not make it eternal." But with all my persuasions, all my arguments, I was only able to get him to reduce the distance to thirty-five yards ; and even this concession he made with reluctance, and said with a sigh, — "I wash my hands of this slaughter; on your head be it." There was nothing for me but to go home to my old lion- heart and tell my humiliating story. When I entered, M. Gambetta was laying his last lock of hair upon the altar. He sprang toward m e , exclaiming, " You have made he swooned ponderously. the fatal arrangements, — I see it in your eye ! " " I have." His face paled a trifle, and he leaned upon the table for- support. He breathed thick and heavily for a moment or two, so tumultuous were his feelings; then he hoarsely whispered, — '' The weapon, the weapon ! Quick ! what is the weapon ? " " This !" and I displayed that silver-mounted thing. He cast but one glance at it, then swooned ponderously to the; floor. 74 WONDERFUL CALMNESS. "When he came to, he said mournfully, — " The unnatural calm to which I have subjected myself has told upon my nerves. But away with weakness ! I will confront my fate like a man and a Frenchman." He rose to his feet, and assumed an attitude which for sublimity has never been approached by man, and has sel- dom been surpassed by statues. Then he said, in his deep bass tones, — " Behold, I am calm, I am ready ; reveal to me the distance." " Tliirty-five yards." I could not lift him up, of course ; but I rolled him over, and poured water down his back. He presently came to, and said, — " Thirty-five yards, — without a rest? I Eor.T.ED HIM ovEK. But why ask ? Since murder was that man's intention, why should he palter with small details? But mark you one thing: in my fall the world shall see how the chivalry of France meets death." After a long silence he asked, — " Was nothing said about that man's family standing up with him, as an offset to my bulk ? But tio matter ; I would not stoop to make such a suggestion; if he is not noble enough to suggest it himself, he is welcome to this advan- tage, which no honorable man would take." He now sank into a sort of stupor of reflection, which lasted some minutes; after which he broke silence with, — " The hour, — what is the hour fixed for the collision ? " " Dawn, to-morrow." He seemed greatly surprised, and immediately said, — "Insanity! I never heard of such a thing. Nobody is abroad at such an hour." " That is the reason I named it. Do you mean to say you want an audience ? " ARRANGING IMPORTANT DETAILS. 75 " It is no time to bandy words. I am astonished that M. Foiirtoii should ever have agreed to so strange an innovation. Go at once and require a later hour." I ran down stairs, threw open the front door, and almost plunged into the arms of M. Fourtou's second. He said, — " I have the honor to say that my principal strenuously ob- jects to the hour chosen, and begs you will consent to change it to half past nine," "Any courtesy, sir, which it is in our power to extend is at the service of your excellent principal. We agree to the proposed change of time." " I beg you to accept the thanks of my client." Then he turned to a person behind him, and said, "You hear M. Noir, the hour is altered to half past nine." Whereupon M, J^oir bowed, expressed his thanks, and went away. My accomplice continued : — "If agreeable to you, your chief surgeons and ours shall proceed to the field in the same carriage, as is customary." " It is entirelj'^ agreeable to me, and I am obliged to you for mentioning the surgeons, for I am afraid I should not have thought of them. How many shall I want ? I suppose two or three will be enough ? " "Two is the customary number for each party. I refer to ' chief ' surgeons ; but considering the exalted positions occupied by our clients, it will be well and decorous that each of us appoint several consulting surgeons, from among the highest in the profession. These will come in their own private carriages. Have you engaged a hearse ? " " Bless my stupidity, I never thought of it ! I will attend to it right away. I must seem very ignorant to you ; but you must try to overlook that, because i nave the qj^e i hired. never had any experience of such a swell duel as this before 76 TO THE FIELD. I have had a good deal to do with duels on the Pacific coast, but 1 see now that they were crude affairs. A hearse, — sho ! we used to leave the elected lying around loose, and let anybody cord them up and cart them off that wanted to. Have you anything further to suggest ? " "Nothing, except that the head undertakers shall ride to- gether, as is usuaL The subordinates and mutes will go on foot, as is also usual. I will see you at eight o'clock in the morning, and we will then arrange the order of the procession. 1 have the honor to bid you a good day." I returned to my client, who said, " Yery well ; at what hour is the engagement to begin ? " " Half past nine." "Yery good indeed. Have you sent the fact to the newspapers ? " ^'- Sir ! If after our long and intimate friendship you can for a moment deem me capable of so base a treachery " — " Tut, tut ! What words are these, my dear friend ? Havel wounded you? Ah, forgive me; I am overloading you with labor. Therefore go on with the other details, and drop this one from your list. The blood_y-minded Four- tou will be sure to attend to it. Or I myself — yes, to make certain, I will drop a note to my journalistic friend, M. Noir "— " Oh, come to think, you may save yourself the trouble ; that other second has informed M. Noir." " H'm ! I might have known it. It is just like that Fourtou, who always wants to make a display." At half past nine in the morning the procession approached the field of Plessis-Piquet in the following order: first came our carriage, — nobody in it but M. Gambetta and myself; then a carriage containing M. Fourtou and his second ; then a carriage containing two poet-orators who did not believe in God, and these had MS. funeral orations projecting from their breast pockets ; then a carriage containing the head surgeons and their cases of instruments ; then eight private carriages containing consulting surgeons; then a hack con- THE MARCH TO THE FIELD. ON THE BATTLE GROUND. 79 taining a coroner; then the two hearses; then a carriage containing the head undertakers ; then a train of assistants and mutes on foot; and after these came plodding through tlie fog a long procession of camp followers, police, and citizens generally. It was a noble turn-out, and would have made a line display if we had had thinner weather. There was no conversation. I spoke several times to my principal, but I judge he was not aware of it, for he always referred to his note-book and muttered absently, " 1 die that France may live." Arrived on the field, my fellow-second and I paced off the thirty-five yards, and then drew lots for choice of position. This latter was but an ornamental ceremony, for all choices were alike in such weather. These preliminaries being ended, I went to my principal and asked him if he was ready. He spread hiznself out to his full width, and said in a stern voice, " Ready ! Let the batteries be charged." The loading was done in the presence of duly constituted witnesses. We considered it best to perform this delicate service with the assistance of a lantern, on account of the state of the weather. We now placed our men. At this point the police noticed that the public had massed themselves together on the right and left of the field ; they therefore begged a delay, while they should put these poor people in a place of safety. The request was granted. The police having ordered the two multitudes to take positions behind the duelists, we were once more ready. The weather growing still more opaque, it was agreed be- tween myself and the other second that before giving the fatal signal we should each deliver a loud whoop to enable the combatants to ascertain each other's whereabouts. I now returned to my principal, and was distressed to ob- serve that he had lost a good deal of his spirit. I tried my best to hearten him. I said, "Indeed, sir, things are not as bad as they seem. Considering the character of the weap- ons, the limited number of shots allowed, the generous dis- tance, the impenetrable solidity of the fog, and the added 80 THE DUEL. fact that one of the combatants is one-eyed and the other cross-eyed and near-sighted, it seems to me that this conliict need not necessarily be fatal. There are chances that both of you may survive. Therefore, cheer up ; do not be down- hearted." This speech had so good an effect that my principal imme- diately stretched forth his hand and said, "I am myself again ; give me the weapon." I laid it, all lonely and forlorn, in the centre of the vast solitude of his palm. He gazed at it and shuddered. And still mournfully contempla- ting it, he murmured, in a / 'j'^Yr-7^^'~5^x broken voice, — "Alas, it is not death I dread but mutilation." I heartened him once more, and with such success that he presently said, "Let the tragedy begin. Stand at my v/f.6- -..r^^--.--. . : - r_^_^^ back ; do not desert me in this THE POST OF DANGER. solcmu liour, my friend." I gave him my promise. I now assisted him to point his pistol toward the spot where I judged his adversary to be standing, and cautioned him to listen well and further guide himself by my fellow second's whoop. Then I propped myself against M, Gambetta's back, and raised a rousing " Whoop-ee !" This was answered from out the far distances of the fog, and I immediately shouted, — " One, — two, — three, — ^re ! " Two little sounds like spit ' spit ! broke upon my ear, and in the same instant I was crushed to the earth under a mountain of flesh. Bruised as 1 was, I was still able to catch a faint accent from above, to this effect, — " I die for . . . for . . . perdition take it, what is it I die for % . . . oh, yes, — France ! I die that France may live ! " The surgeons swarmed around with their probes in their hands, and applied their microscopes to the whole area of M. NO BLOODSHED. 81 Gambetta's person, with the happy result of finding nothing in the nature of a wound. Then a scene ensued which was in every way gratifying and inspiriting. The two gladiators fell upon each other's necks, with floods of proud and happy tears ; that other second embraced me ; the surgeons, the orators, the undertakers, the police, every- THE RECONCILIATION. body embraced, everybody congratulated, everybody cried, and the whole atmosphere was filled with praise and with joy unspeakable. It seemed to me then that I would rather be a hero of a French duel than a crowned and sceptred monarch. "When the commotion had somewhat subsided, the body of surgeons held a consultation, and after a good deal of debate decided that with proper care and nursing there was reason to believe that I would survive my injuries. My internal hurts were deemed the most serious, since it was apparent that a broken rib had penetrated my left lung, and that many of my organs had been pressed out so far to one side or the other of where they belonged, that it was doubtful if they would ever.learn to perform their functions in such re- mote and unaccustomed localities. They then set my left 82 THE ONLY ONE INJURED. arm in two places, pulled my right hip into its socket again, and re-elevated my nose. I was an object of great interest, and even admiration ; and many sincere and warm-hearted persons had themselves introduced to me, and said they were proud to know the only man who had been hurt in a French duel in forty years. I was placed in an ambulance at the very head of the pro- cession ; and thus with gratifying eclat I was marched into AN OBJECT OF ADMIRATION. Paris, the most conspicuous figure in that great spectacle, and deposited at the hospital. The cross of the Legion of Honor has been conferred upon me. However, few escape that distinction. Such is the true version of the most memorable private conflict of the age. I have no complaints to make against any one. I acted for myself, and I can stand the consequences. Witliout boast- ing, I think I may say I. am not afraid to stand before a modern French duelist, but as long as I keep in my right mind I will never consent to stand behind one again. CHAPTER IX. ONE day we took the train and went down to Mannheim to see King Lear played in German. It was a mistake. We sat in our seats three whole hoars and never understood anything but the thunder and lightning ; and even that was reversed to suit German ideas, for the thunder came first and the lightning followed after. The behavior of the audience was perfect. There were no rustlings, or whisperings, or other little disturbances ; each act was listened to in silence, and the applauding was done after the curtain was down. The doors opened at half past four, the play began promptly at half past five, and within two minutes afterward all who were coming were in their seats, and quiet reigned. A German gentleman in the train had said that a Shaksperian play was an appreciated treat in Germany and that we should find the house filled. It was true ; all the six tiers were filled, and remained so to the end, — which suggested that it is not only balcony people who like Shakspeare in Germany, but those of the pit and the gallery, too. Another time, we went to Mannheim and attended a shiv- aree, — otherwise an opera, — the one called Lohengrin. The banging and slamming and booming and crashing were some- thing beyond belief. The racking and pitiless pain of it remains stored up in my memory alongside the memory of 83 84 THE ORCHESTRA. the time that I had my teeth fixed. There were circum- stances which made it necessary for me to stay through the four hours to the end, and I staid ; but the recollection of that long, dragging, re- lentless season of suffering is indestructible. To have to endure it in silence. and sitting still, made it all the harder. I was in a railed compartment with eight or ten strangers, of the two sexes, and this compelled repression ; yet at tiujes the pain was so exquisite that I could hardly keep the tears back. At those times, as the bowlings and wailings and shriekings of the singers, and the ragings and roarings and explosions of the vast orchestra rose higher and higher, and wilder and wilder, and fiercer and fiercer, I could have cried if I had been alone. Those strangers would not have been surprised to see a man do such a thing who was being gradually skinned, but they would have mar- veled at it here, and made remarks about it no doubt, whereas there was nothing in the present case which' was an advantage over being skinned. There was a wait of half raging. an hour at the end of the first act, and I could have gone out and rested during that time, but I could not trust myself to do it, for I felt that I should desert and stay out. There was another wait of half an hour toward nine o'clock, but I had gone through so much by that time that I had no spirit left, and so had no desire but to be let alone. A CURIOUS PLAY, 85 I do not wish to suggest that the rest of the people there were like me, for indeed they were not. Whether it was that thej naturally liked that noise, or whether it was that they had learned to like it by getting used to it, I did not at that time know ; but they did like it, — this was plain enough. While it was going on they sat and looked as rapt and grateful as cats do when one strokes their backs ; and whenever the curtain fell they rose to their feet, in one solid mighty multitude, and the air was snowed thick with waving handkerchiefs, and roaring. hurricanes of applause swept the place. This was not com- prehensible to me. Of course there were many people there who were not under compulsion to stay ; yet the tiers were as full at the close as they had been at the beginning. This showed -that the people liked it. It was a curious sort of a play. In the matter of costumes and scenery it was fine and showy enough ; but there was not much action. That is to say, ' there was not much really done, it was 'only talked about ; and always violently. It was what one might call a narrative play. Everybody had a narrative and a grievance, and none were reasonable about it but all in an offensive and ungovernable state. There was little of that sort of customary thing where the tenor and the soprano stand down by the footlights, warb- ling, with blended voices, and keep holding out their arms SHRIEKING. 86 THE OPERA. toward each, other and drawing them back and spreading both hands over first one breast and then the other with a shake and a pressure, — no it was, every rioter for himself and no blending. Each sang his in- dictive narrative in turn, accompanied by the whole or- chestra of sixty in- struments, and when this had con- tinued for some time, and one was hoping they might come to an under- standing and modify the noise, a great chorus composed entirely of maniacs would suddenly break forth, and then during two minutes, and some- times three, I lived over again all that I had sufiered the time the orphan asylum burned down. We only had one brief little season of heaven and heaven's sweet ecstasy and peace during all this long and diligent and acrimonious reproduction of the other place. This was while a gorgeous procession of people marched around ^nd around, in the third act, and sang the "Wedding Chorus. To my untutored ear that was music, — almost divine music. While my seared soul was steeped in the healing balm of those gracious sounds, it seemed to me that I could almost re-suffer the torments which had gone before, in order to be so healed again. There is where the deep ingenuity of the operatic idea is betrayed. It deals so largely in pain that its scattered X CUSTOMARY THING. AN ENCHANTma STUDY. 87 delights are prodigiously augmented by the contrasts. A pretty air in an opera is prettier there than it could be any- where else, I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere. I have since found out that there is nothing the Germans like so much as an opera. They like it, not in a mild and moderate way, but with their whole hearts. This is a legiti- mate result of habit and education. Our nation will like the opera, too, by and by, no doubt. One in fifty of those who attend our operas likes it already, perhaps, but I think a good many of the other forty-nine go in order to learn to like it, and the rest in order to be able to talk knowingly about it. The latter usually hum the airs while they are being sung, so that their neighbors may perceive that they have been to operas before. The fune- rals of these do not occur often enough. A gentle, old-maidish, person and a sweet young girl of seventeen sat right in front of us that night at the Mannheim opera. These people talked, between the' acts, and I understood them, though I understood nothing that was uttered on the distant guarded in their talk, but after they had heard my agent and me conversing in English they dropped their reserve and I picked up many of their little confidences ; no, I mean many of her little confidences, — meaning the elder party, — for the young girl only listened, and gave assenting nods, but never said a word. How pretty she was, and how sweet she was ! I wished she would speak. But evidently she was absorbed in her own thoughts, her own young-girl dreams, and found a dearer pleasure in silence. But she was not ONE OF THE BEST. Stage. At first they were 88 MORE THAN AN AVERAGE. dreaming sleepy dreams, — no, she was awake, alive, alert, she could not sit still a moment. She was an enchanting study. Her gown was of a soft white silky stuff that clung to her round young figure like a fish's skin, and it was rip- pled over with the gracefullest little fi'ingy films of lace ; she had deep, tender eyes, with long, curved lashes ; and she had peachy cheeks, and a dimpled chin, and such a dear little dewy rosebud of a mouth ; and she was so dove-like, so pure, and so gracious, so sweet and bewitching. For long hours I did mightily wish she would speak. And at last she did ; the red lips parted, and out leaped her thought, — and with such a guileless and pretty enthusiasm, too: '• Auntie, I just Icnow I've got five hundred fleas on me !" That was probably over the average. Yes, it must have been very much over the average. The average at that time in the Grand Duchy of Baden was forty-five to a young per- son, (when alone,) ac- cording to the official estimate of the Home Secretary for that year; the average for older people was shifty and indeterminable, for whenever a whole- some young girl came into the presence of her elders she immedi- ately lowered their av- erage and raised her own. She became a sort of contribution box. This dear young thing in the theatre had been sitting there un consciously taking up A CONTRIBUTION BOX. a collection. Many a skinny old being in our neighborhood was the happier and the restf idler for her coming. UNPLEASANTLY CONSPICUOUS 89 In that large audience, that niglit, there were eight very conspicuous people. These were ladies who had their hats or bonnets on. What a blessed thing it would be if a ladj ■ could make herself conspicuous in our theatres by wearing her hat. It is not usual in Eu rope to allow ladies and gentle men to take bonnets, hats, over coats, canes or umbrellas into the auditorium, but in Mannheim this rule was not enforced be- cause the audiences were large- ly made up of people from a distance, and among these were always a few timid ladies who were afraid that if they had to go into an ante-room to get their things when the play was over, tliey would miss their train. But the great mass of those who came from a distance always ran the risk and took the chances, preferring the loss of the train to a breach of good manners and the discomfort of being unpleasantly conspicuous during a stretch of three or four hours. coNSPicuons. CHAPTER X. THREE or four hours. That is a long time to sit in one place, whether one be conspicuous or not, yet some of Wao-ner's operas bang along for six whole hours on a stretch ! But the people sit there and enjoy it all, and wish it would last lono-er. A German lady in Munich told me that a person could not like Wagner's music at first, but must go through the deliberate process of learning to like it,— then he would have his sure reward ; for when he had learned to like it he would hunger for it and never be able to get enough of it. She said that six hours of Wagner was by no means too much. She said that this composer had made a complete revolution in music and was burying the old masters one by one. And she said that Wagner's operas differed from all others in one notable respect, and that was that they were not merely spotted with music here and there, but were all music, from the first strain to the last. This surprised me. I said I had attended one of his insurrections, and found hardly any music in it except the Wedding Chorus. She said Lohengrin was noisier than Wagner's other operas, but that if I would keep on going to see it I would find by and by that it was all music, and therefore would then enjoy it. I could have said, "But would you advise a person to delib- erately practice having the toothache in the pit of his stom- ■^ 90 A WONDERFUL SINGER— ONCE. 91 ach for a couple of years in order that he might then come to enjoy it ? " But I reserved that remark. This lady was full of the praises of the head-tenor who had performed in a Wagner opera the niglit before, and went on to enlarge upon his old and prodigious fame, and how many honors had been lavished upon him by the princely houses of Germany. Here was another surprise. I had attended that very opera, in the person of my agent, and had made close and accurate observations. So I said : — " Why madam, my experience warrants me in stating that that tenor's voice is not a voice at all, but only a shriek, — the shriek of a hyena." " That is very true," she said ; " he cannot sing now ; it is already many years that he has lost his voice, but in other times he sang, yes, divinely ! So whenever he comes, now, you shall see, yes, that the theatre will not hold the people. Jawohl dei Gottf his voice is wunderschon in that past time." I said she was discovering to me a kindly trait in the Germans which was worth emulating. I said that over the water we were not quite so generous ; that with us, when a singer had lost his voice and a jumper had lost his legs, these parties ceased to draw. I said I / /V / / ' // had been to the opera in Hanover, once, only a shriee. and in Mannheim once, and in Munich, (through my author- ized agent,) once, and this large experience had nearly per-- suaded me that the Germans preferred singers^who couldn't sing. This was not such a very extravagant speech, either, for that burly Mannheim tenor's praises had been the talk of all Heidelberg for a week before hi& performance took place, — yet his voice was like the distressing noise which a nail makes when you screech it across a window pane. I said so to Heidelberg friends thua. next, day,, andithay. saidjim 6 92 THE SUPERANNUATED TENOR. the calmest and simplest way, that that was very true, but that ill earlier times his voice had been wonderfully fine. And the tenor in flanover was just another example of this sort. The English-speaking German gentleman who went with me to the opera there was brimming with enthusiasm over that tenor. He said : — " Ach Gott ! a great man ! Tou shall see him. He is so celebrate in all Germany, — and he has a pension, yes, from the government. He not obliged to sing, now, only twice every year; but if he not sing twice each year they take him his pension away." Yery well, we went. When the renowned old tenor ap- peared, I got a nudge and an excited whisper : — " JSTow you see him ! " But the "celebrate" was an astonishing disappointment to me. If he had been behind a screen I should have sup- posed they were performing a surgical operation on him. I looked at my friend, — to my great surprise he seemed intoxicated with pleasure, his e^yes were dancing with eager delight. When the curtain at last fell, he burst into the stormiest applause, and kept it up, — as did the whole house, — until the alMictive tenor had come three times before the curtain to make his bow. While the glowing enthusiast was swabbing the perspiration from his face, I said : — " I don't mean the least harm, but really, now, do you think he can sing ? " t "Him ? No ! Gott im Hirmncl, aher, how he has been able to sing twenty-five years ago ? " [Then pensively.] " Ach, no, now he not sing any more, he only cry. When ]»ie think he sing, now, he not sing at all, no, he only make like a cat which is unwell." Where and how did we get the idea that the Germans "he only CRT. EMOTIONAL GERMANS. 93 are a stolid, phlegmatic race ? In truth tliey are widely removed from that. They are warm-hearted, emotional, impulsive, enthusiastic, their tears come at the mildest touch, and it is not hard to move them to laughter. They are the very children ot impulse, ^e are cold and self-contained, compared to the Germans. They hug and kiss and cry and shout and dance and sing; and where we use one loving, petting expression they pour out a score. Their language is full of endearing diminutives; nothing that they love es- capes the application of a petting diminutive, — neither the house, nor the dog, nor the horse, nor the grandmother, nor any other creature, animate or inanimate. In the theatres at Hanover, Hamburg, and Mannheim, they had a wise custom. The moment the curtain went up, the lights in the body of the house went down. The audience sat in the cool gloom of a deep twilight, which greatly en- hanced the glowing splendors of the stage. It saved gas, too, and people were not sweated to death. When I saw King Lear played, nobody was allowed to see a scene shifted ; if there was nothing to be done but slide a forest out of the way and expose a temple beyond, one did not see that forest split itself in the middle and go shrieking away, with the accompanying disenchanting spectacle of the hands and heels of the impelling impulse, — no, the curtain was always dropped for an instant, — one heard not the least movement behind it, — but when it went up, the next instant, the forest was gone. Even when the stage was being entirely re-set, one heard no noise. During the whole time that King Lear was playing, the curtain was never down two min- utes at any one time. The orchestra played until the curtain was ready to go up for the iirst time, then they departed for the evening. Where the stage- waits never reach two minute?^ there is no occasion for music. I had never seen this l/WO- minute business between acts but once before, and that was when the " Shaughran " was played at Wallack's. I was at a concert in Munich one night, the people were 94: LATE COMERS REBUKED. streaming in, the clock-hand pointed to seven, the nrnsie struck up, and instantly all movement in the body of the house ceased, — nobody was standing, or walking up the aisles or fumbling with a seat, the stream of incomers had suddenly dried up at its source. I listened undisturbed to a piece of music that was fifteen minutes long, — always expecting some tardy ticket-holders to come crowding past my knees, and being continuously and pleasantly disappointed, — but when the last note was struck, here came the stream again. You see, they had made those late comers wait in the comfortable waiting-parlor from the time the music had begun until it was ended. It was the first time I had ever seen this sort of crimi- nals denied the privilege of destroying the comfort of a house full of their betters. Some of these M^ere pretty fine birds, but no matter, they had to tarry outside in the LATE COMERS CARED FOR. long parlor under the inspection of a double rank of liver- ied footmen and waiting-maids who supported the two walls CUSTOMS AT THE OPERA. 95 with their backs and held the wraps and traps of their masters and mistresses on their arms. We had no footmen to hold our things, and it was not permissible to take thera into the concert room ; but there were some men and women to take charge of them for us. They gave us checks for them and charged a fixed price, payable in advance, — five cents. In Germany they always hear one thing at an opera w^hich has never yet been heard in America, perhaps, — I mean the closing strain of a fine solo or duet. We always smash into it with an earthquake of applause. The result is that we rob ourselves of the sweetest part of the treat ; we get the whisky, but we don't get the sugar in the bottom of the glass. Our way of scattering applause along through an act seems to me to be better than the Mannheim way of saving it all up till the act is ended. I do not see how an actor can for- get himself and portray hot passion before a cold still audience. I should think he would feel foolish. It is a pain to me to this day, to remember how that old German Lear raged and wept and howled around the stage, with never a response from that hushed house, never a single outburst till the act was ended. To me there was something unspeakably un- comfortable in the solemn dead silences that always followed this old person's tremendous outpourings of his feelings. I could not help putting myself in his place, — I thought I knew hovv' sick and flat he felt during those silences, because I remembered a case which came under my observation once, and which, — but I will tell the incident : One evening on board a Mississippi steamboat, a boy of ten years lay asleep in a berth, — a long, slim-legged boy, he was, encased in quite a short shirt ; it was the first time he had ever made a trip on a steamboat, and so he was troubled, and scared, and had gone to bed with his head filled with impending snaggings, and explosions, and conflagrations, and Budden death. About ten o'clock some twenty ladies were A MISSISSIPPI RIVER STORY. sitting around about the ladies ' saloon, quietly reading, sew- ing, embroidering, and so on, and among them sat a sweet, benignant old dame with round spectacles on her nose ahd her busy knitting-needles in her hands. ]Now all of a sudden, into the midst of this peaceful scene burst that slim-shanked boy in the brief shirt, wild-eyed, erect-haired, and shouting, EVIDENTLY DREAMING. " Fire, fire ! jump and run, the ioafs afire and there ainH a minute to lose ! " All those ladies looked sweetly up and smiled, nobody stirred, the old lady pulled her spectacles down, looked over them, and said, gently,— "But you mustn't catch cold, child. Run and put on your breast-pin, and then come and tell us all about it." It was a crnel chill to give to a poor little devil's gush- ing vehemence. He was expecting to be a sort of hero — the creator of a wild panic — and here everybody sat and smiled a mocking smile, and an old woman made fun of his bugbear. I turned and crept humbly away — for I was that boy — and never even cared to discover whether I had dreamed the fire or actually seen it. I am told that in a German concert or opera, they hardly ever encore a song; that though they may be dying to hear it again, their good breeding usually preserves them against requiring the repetition. AN ECCENTRIC KING. 97 Kings may encore ; that is quite another matter ; it delights everybody to see that the king is pleased ; and as to the ac- tor encored, his pride and gratification are simply bonndless. Still, there are circumstances in which even a royal encore — But it is better to illustrate. The King of Bavaria is a poet, and has a poet's eccentricities — with the advantage over all other poets of being able to gratify them, no matter what form they may take. He is fond of the opera, but not fond of sitting in the presence of an audience ; therefore, it has sometimes occurred, in Munich, that when an opera has been concluded and the players were getting o£E their paint and finery, a command has come to them to get their paint and finery on again. Presently the king would arrive, solitary and alone, and the players would begin at the beginning and do the entire opera over again with only that one indi- vidual in the vast solemn theatre for audience. Once he took an odd freak into his head. High up and out of sight, over the prodigious stage of the court theatre is a maze of inter- lacing water-pipes, so pierced that in case of fire, innumer- able little thread-like streams of water can be caused to de- scend ; and in case of need, this discharge can be augmented to a pouring flood. American managers might make a note of that. The King was sole audience. The opera pro- ceeded, it was a piece with a storm in it ; the mimic thunder began to mutter, the mimic wind began to wail and sough, and the mimic rain to patter. The King's interest rose higher and higher ; it developed into enthusiasm. He cried out, — " It is good, very good indeed ! But I will have real rain ! Turn on the water ! " The manager pleaded for a reversal of the command ; said it would ruin the costly scenery and the splendid costumes, but the king cried, — "]No matter, no matter, I will have real rain! Turn on the water ? " So the real rain was turned on and began to descend in gossamer lances to the mimic flower beds and gravel walks 98 "EN'CORE! DO IT AGAIN"!" of the Stage. The richly-dressed actresses and actors tripped "turn on morr rain." about singing bravely and pretending not to mind it. The King was delighted, — his enthusiasm grew higher. He cried out, — " Bravo, bravo ! More thunder ! more lightning ! turn on more rain ! " The thunder boomed, the lightning glared, the storm- winds raged, the deluge poured down. The mimic royalty on the stage, with their soaked satins clinging to their bodies, slopped around ankle deep in water, warbling their sweetest and best, the fiddlers under the eaves of the stage sawed away for dear life, with the cold overflow spouting down the backs of their necks, and the dry and happy King sat in his lofty box and wore his gloves to ribbons applauding. "More yet!" cried the King ; "more yet, — let loose all the thunder, turn on all the water ! I will hang the man that raises an umbrella ! " When this most tremendous and effective storm that had ever been produced in any theatre was at last over, the King's approbation was measureless. He cried, — " Magnificentj magnificent ! Encore ! Do it again ! " MAGNANIMITY OF THE KING. 99 But the manager succeeded in persuading him to recall the encore, and said the compnny would feel sufficiently regarded and complimented in the mere fact that the encore was desir- ed by his Majesty, without fatiguing him with a repetition to gratify their own vanity. During the remainder of the act the lucky performers were those wliose parts required changes of dress ; the others were a soaked, bedraggled and uncomfortable lot, but in the last degree picturesque. The stage scenery was ruined, trap-doors were so swollen that they wouldn't work for a week afterward, the fine costumes were spoiled, and no end of minor damages were done by that remark- able storm. It was a royal idea — that storm — and royal- ly carried out. But observ^e the moderi^tion of the king : he did not insist upon his encore. hakkis attending thk oPiiRA. If he had been a gladsome, unreflecting American opera-audi- ence, he probably would have had his storm repeated and repeated until he drowned all those people. CHAPTER XL THE summer days passed pleasantly in Heidelberg. We had a skilled trainer, and under his instructions we were getting our legs in the right condition for the contemplated pedestrian tonrs ; we were well satisfied with the progress which we had made in the German language*, and more than satisfied with what we had accomplished in Art. "We had had the best instructors in drawing and painting in Germany, — Hammerling, Yogel, Miiller, Dietz and Schu- mann. Hiimmerling taught us landscape painting, Vogel taught us figure drawing, Miiller taught us to do still-life, and Dietz and Schumann gave us a finishing course in two specialties, — battle-pieces and shipwrecks. Whatever I am in Art I owe to these men. I have something of the manner of each and all of them ; but they all said that I had also a manner of my own, and that it was conspicuous. They said there was a marked individuality about my style, — insomuch that if I ever painted the commonest type of a dog, I should be sure to throw a something into the aspect of that dog which would keep him from being mistaken for the creation of any other artist. Secretly 1 wanted to believe all these kind sayings, but I could not ; I was afraid that my masters' partiality for me, and pride in me, biased their judgment. So I resolved to make a test. Privately, and unknown to any one, I painted my great picture, " Heidelberg Castle * See Appendix D for information concerning this fearful tongue. 100 OUR STUDIO. 101 Illuminated," — mj first really important work in oils, — and had it hung up in the midst of a wilderness of oil pictures in the Art Exhibition, with no name attached to it. To my great gratification it was instantly recognized as mine. All the town flocked to see it, and people even came from neigh- boring localities to visit it. It made more stir than any other work in the Exhibition. But the most gratifying thing of PAINTING MT GREAT PICTURE. all, was, that chance strangers, passing through, who had not heard of my picture, were not only drawn to it, as by a lode- stone, the moment they entered the gallery, but always took it for a " Turner." Mr. Harris was graduated in Art about the same time with myself, and we took a studio together. We waited awhile for some orders ; then as time began to drag a little, we 102 A PROPOSED PEDESTRIAN TOUR. concluded to make a pedestrian tour. After much consideraN tion, we determined on a trip up the shores of the beautiful Neckar to Heilbronn. Apparently nobody had ever done that. There were ruined castles on the overhanging cliffs and crags all the way ; these were said to have their legends, like those on the Rhine, and what was better still, they had never been in print. There was nothing in the books about that lovely region ; it had been neglected by the tourist, it was virgin soil for the literary pioneer. Meantime the knapsacks, the rough walking suits and the stout walking shoes which we had ordered, were finished and brought to us. A Mr. X. and a young Mr. Z. had agreed to go with us. We went around, one evening and bade good-bye to our friends, and afterwards had a little farewell banquet at the hotel. We got to bed early, for we wanted to make an early start, so as to take advantage of the cool of the morning. We were out of bed at break of day, feeling fresh and vigorous, and took a hearty breakfast, then plunged down through the leafy arcades of the Castle grounds, toward the town. What a glorious summer morning it was, and how the flowers did pour out their fragrance, and how the birds did sing ! It was just the time for a tramp through the woods and mountains. We were all dressed alike : broad slouch hats, to keep the sun off; gray knapsacks; blue army shirts; blue overalls; leathern gaiters buttoned tight from knee down to ankle ; high-quarter coarse shoes snugly laced. Each man had an opera glass, a canteen, and a guide-book case slung over his shoulder, and carried an alpen-stock in one hand and a sun umbrella in the other. Around our hats were wound many folds of soft white muslin, with the ends hanging and flapping down our backs, — an idea brought from the Orient and used by tourists all over Europe. Harris carried the little watch- like machine called a " pedometer," whose office is to keep count of a man's steps and tell how far he has walked. Every- body stopped to admire our costumes and give us a hearty; ENGLISH INVARIABLY SPOKEN. lOB " Pleasant marcli to you ! " When we got down town I found that we could go by rail to within five miles of Pleilbronn. The J^ J "iX ( " <^ train was just starting, ^ so we jumped aboard and went tearing away in splendid spirits. It was ao-reed all around that we had done wisely, because it would be just^ as enjoyable to walk down the Neckar as up it, and it could not be^ needful t o walk both ways. There were some nice German people in^ our compartment. I got to talking some t \ pretty private matters «^^ '''^^^- (^^ harris.) presently, and Harris became nervous; so he nudged me and said, — " Speak in German, — these Germans may understand English." I did so, and it was well I did ; for it turned out that there was not a German in that partj' who did not under- stand English perfectly. It is curious how wide-spread our language is in Germany. After a while some of those folks got out and a German gentleman and his two young daugh- ters got in. I spoke in German to one of the latter several times, but without result. Finally she said, — 'Icli verstehe nur Deutch und Englische," — or words to that effect. That is, "I don't understand any language but German and English." And sure enough, not only she but her father and sister spoke English. So after that we had all the talk we wanted ; and we wanted a good deal, for they were very agreeable 104: A QUEER TOWER. people. They were greatly interested in our costumes ; es- pecially tlie alpenstocks, for they had not seen any before. They said that the Keckar road was per- fectly level, so we must be going to Switzerland or some other rugged country; and asked us if we did not find the walking pretty fatiguing in such warm weather. But we said no. We reached Wimp- fen, — I think it was Wimpfen, — in about three hours, and got out, not the least tired; found a good hotel and ordered beer and dinner, — t hen took a stroll through the venerable old village. It was very picturesque and tumble-down, and dirty and interesting. It had queer houses five hundred years old, in it and a military tower, 115 feet high, which had stood there more than ten centuries. I made a little sketch of it. I kept a copy, but gave the original to the Burgomaster. I think the original was better than the copy, because it had more windows in it and the grass stood up better and had a brisker look. There was none around the tower though ; I composed the grass myseF, from studies I made in a field by Heidelberg in Ham- merling's time. The man on top, looking at the view, is apparently too large, but I found he could not be made smaller, conveniently. I wanted him there, and I wanted liim visible, so I thought out a way to manage it ; I com- posed the picture from two points of view ; the spectator is to observe the man from about where that flag is, and he must AN UNKNOWN COSTUME, A SLOW BUT SURE TEAM. 105 observe the tower itself from the ground. This harmonizes the seeming discrepancy. Near an old Cathedral, under a shed, were three crosses of stone, — mouldy and damaged things, bearing life- size stone figures. The two thieves were dressed in the fanciful court costumes of the middle of the sixteenth cen- tury, while the Savior was nude, with the exception of a cloth around the loins. We had dinner under the green trees in a garden belonging to the hotel and overlooking the Neckar ; then, after a smoke, we went to bed. We had a refreshing nap, then got up about three in the afternoon and put on our panoply. As we tramped gaily out at the gate of the town, we overtook a peasant's cart, partly laden with odds and ends of cabbages and similar vegetable rubbith, and drawn by a THE TOWBB. SLOW BUT SURE. small cow and a smaller donkey yoked together. Ttwasa pretty slow concern, but it got us into Heilbronn before dark, — five miles, or possibly it was seven. 106 ^ FAMOUS ROOM. We stopped at the very same inn which the famous old robber knight and rough lighter, Gotz von Berlichingen, abode in after he got out of captivity in the Square Tower of Heilbronn between three hundred and lifty and four hun- dred years ago. Harris and I occupied the same room which he had occupied and the same paper had not all peeled off the walls yet. The furniture was quaint old carved stuff, full four hundred years old, and some of the smells were over a thousand. There was a hook in the wall, which the landlord said the terrific old Gotz used to hang his iron hand on when he took it off to go to bed. This room was very large, — it might be called immense, — and it was on the first floor ; which means it was in the second story, for in Europe the houses are so high that they do not count the first story, else they would get tired climbing before they got to the top. Tlie wall paper was a fiery red, with huge gold figures in it, well smirched by time, and it covered all the doors. These doors fitted so snugly and continued the figures of the paper so unbrokenly, that when they were closed one had to go feeling and searching along the wall to find them. There was a stove in the corner, — one of those tall, square, stately white porcelain things that looks like a monument and keeps you thinking of death when you ought to be enjoying your travels. The windows looked out on a little alley, and over that into a stable and some poultry and pig yards in the rear of some tenement houses. There were the customary two beds in the room, one in one end of it, the other in the other, about an old-fashioned brass- mounted, single-barreled pistol-shot apart. They were fully as narrow as the usual German bed, too, and had the Ger- man bed's ineradicable habit of spilling the blankets on the floor every time you forgot yourself and went to sleep. A round-table as large as King Arthur's etood in the cen- tre of the room ; while the waiters were getting ready to serve our dinner on it we all went out to see the renowned clock on the front of the municipal buildings. CHAPTER Xn. THE Mathhaus^ or municipal building, is of the quaintest and most picturesque Middle- Age architecture. It has a massive portico and steps, before it, heavily balustraded, and adorned with life-size rusty iron knights in complete armor. The clock-face on the front of the building is very large and of curious pattern. Ordinarily a gilded angel strikes the hour on a big bell with a hammer ; as the striking ceases, a life-size figure of Time raises its hour-glass and turns it ; two golden rams advance and butt each other; a gilded cock lifts its wings ; but the main features are two great an- gels, who stand on each side of the dial with long horns at their lips ; it was said that they blew melodious blasts on these horns every hour, — but they did not do it for us. We were told, later, that they blew only at night, when the town was still. Within the Raihhaus were a number of huge wild boar's heads, preserved, and mounted on brackets along the wall ; they bore inscriptions telling who killed them and how many hundred years ago it was done. One room in the building was devoted to the preservation of ancient archives. There they showed us no end of aged documents ; some were signed by Popes, some by Tilly and other great Generals, and one was a letter written and subscribed by Grotz von Berlichingen in Heilbronn in 1519 just after his release from the Square Tower. ^ 107 108 AN OLD ROBBER KNWHT. This fine old robber-knight was a devoutly and sincerely religious man, hospitable, charitable to the poor, fearless in fight, active, enterprising, and possessed of a large and gen- erous nature. He had in him a quality which was rare in that rough time, — the quality of being able to overlook moderate injuries, and of being able to forgive and forget mortal ones as soon as he bad soundly trounced the authors of them. He was prompt to take up any poor devil's quarrel and risk his neck to right him. The common folk held him dear, and his memory is still green in ballad and tradition. He used to go on the highway and rob rich wayfarers ; and other times he would swoop down from his high castle on the hills of the Neckar and capture passing cargoes of merchan- dize. In his memoirs he piously thanks the Giver of all Good for remembering him in his needs and delivering sun- dry such cargoes into his liands at times when only special providences could have relieved him. He was a doughty warrior and found a deep joy in battle. In an assault uptm a stronghold in Bavaria when he w^as only twenty-three years old, his right hand was shot away, but he M'as so interested in the fight that he did not observe it for a while. He said that the iron hand which was made for him afterward, and which he wore for more than half a century, was nearly as clever a member as the fleshy one had been. I was glad to get a fac-simile of the letter written by this fine old German Robin Hood, though I was not able to read it. He was a better artist with his sword than with his pen. We went down by the river and saw the Square Tower. It was a very venerable structure, very strong, and very unornamental. There was no opening near the ground. They had to use a ladder to get into it, no doubt. We visited the principal church, also, — a curious old struct- ure, with a tower-like spire adorned with all sorts of grotesque images. The inner walls of the church were placarded with large mural tablets of copper, bearing engraved inscriptions celebrating the merits of old Heilbronn worthies of two or three centuries ago, and also bearing rudely painted effigies THE ROBBER CHIEF. 110 ANOTHER LEGEND. of themselves and their families tricked out in the queer costumes of those days. The head of the family sat in the foreground, and beyond him extended a sharply receding and diminishing row of sons ; facing him sat his M'ife, and beyond her extended a long row of diminishing daughters. The family was usually large, but the perspective bad. Then we hired the hack and the horse which Gotz von Berlichingen used to use, and drove several miles into the country to visit the place called Weihertreu, — "Wife's Fidelity I suppose it means. It was a feudal castle of the Middle Ages. When we reached its neighborhood we found it "was beautifully situated, but on top of a mound, or hill, round and tolerably steep, and about two hundred feet high. There- fore, as the sun was blazing hot, we did not climb up there, but took the place on trust, and observed it from a distance while the horse leaned up against a fence and rested. The place has no interest except that which is lent it by its legend, which is a very pretty one — to this effect: THE LEGEND. In the Middle Ages, a couple of young dukes, brothers, took opposite sides in one of the wars, the one fighting for the Emperor, the other against him. One of them owned the castle and village on top of the mound which I have been speaking of, and in his absence his brother came with his knights and soldiers and began a siege. It was a long and tedious business, for the people made a stubborn and faith- ful defense. But at last their supplies ran out and starvation began its w^ork ; more fell by hunger than by the missiles of the enemy. They by and by surrendered, and begged for charitable terms. But the beleaguering prince was so incensed against them for their long resistance that he said he would spare none but the women and children, — all the men should be put to the sword without exception, and all their goods destroyed. Then the women came and fell on their knees and begged for the \We^ of tlieir husbands. "No," said the prince, not a man of them shall escape alive; you yourselves, shall go with your children into house- A SORT OF MIRACLE. Ill less and friendless banishment ; but that you may not starve I grant you tliis one grace, that each woman may bear with her from this place as much of her most valuable property as she is able to carry. Yery well, presently the gates swung open and out filed those women carrying their husbands on their shoulders. The besiegers, furious at the trick, rushed forward to slaugh- ter the men, but the Duke step- ped between and said, — " JSTo, put up your swords, — a prince's word is inviolable." "When we got back to the hotel. King Arthurs Round Table was ready for us in its white draper}', and the head waiter and his first assistant, inl swallow-tails and white cravats,' brought in the soup and the hot plates at once. Mr. X. had ordered the din- ner, and when the wine came on, he picked up a bottle, glanced at the label, and then turned to the grave, the mel- ancholy, the sepulchral head waiter and said it was not the sort of wine he had asked for. The head waiter picked up the bottle, cast his undertaker-eye on it and said, — " It is true; I beg pardon." ak honest mak. Then he turned on his subordinate and calmly said, " Bring another label." At the same time he slid the present label off with hi^ hand and laid it aside ; it had been newly put on, its paste was still wet. When the new label came, he put it on ; our French wine being now turned into German wine, according 112 AN OLD TOWN. to desire, the head waiter went blandly about his other duties, as if the working of this sort of miracle Mas a com- mon and easy thing to him. Mr. X. said he had not known, before, that there Avere people honest enough to do this miracle in public, but he was aware that thousands upon thousands of labels were imported into America from Europe every yeiir, to enable dealers to furnish to their customers in a quiet and inex- pensive way, all the different kinds of foreign wines they might require. We took a turn around the town, after dinner, and found it fully as interesting in the moonlight as it had been in the day time. The streets were nar^ row and roughly paved, and there was not a sidewalk or a street lamp anywhere. The dwellings were centu- ries old, and vast enough for hotels. They widened all the way up ; the stories projected further and further forward and aside as they ascended, and the long rows THE TOWN BY NIGHT. of lighted w i H d o w s, filled with little bits of panes, curtained with figured white muslin and adorned outside with boxes of flowers, made a pretty effect. The moon was bright, and the light and shadow very strong; and nothing could be more picturesque than those curving streets, with their rows of huge high gables leaning far over toward each other in a friendly SWINGING CHILDREN. 113 gossipping way, and the crowds below drifting througli the alternating blots of gloom and mellow bars of moonlight. Nearly everybody was abroad, chatting, singing, romping, or massed in lazy comfortable attitudes in the doorways. In one place there was a public building which was fenced about with a thick, rusty chain, which sagged from post to post in a succession of low swings. The pavement, here, was made of heavy blocks of stone. In the glare of the moon a party of barefooted*children were swinging on those chains and having a noisy good time. They were not the GENERATIONS OF BAKE FEET. first ones who had done that ; even their great-great-grand- fathers had not been the first to do it when they were chil- dren. The strokes of the bare feet had worn grooves inches deep in the stone flags ; it had taken many generations of swinging children to accomplish that. Everywhere in the town were the mould and decay that go with antiquity, and evidence it ; but I do not know that anything else gave us so vivid a sense of the old age of Heilbronn as those foot- worn grooves in the paving stones. CHAPTEK XIII. WHEN we got back to tlie hotel I wound and set the pedometer and put it in my pocket, for I was to carry it next day and keep record of the miles we made. The work which we had given the instrument to do during the day which had just closed, had not fatigued it percep- tibly. We were in bed by ten, for we wanted to be up and away on our tramp homeward with the dawn. I hung fire, but Harris went to sleep at once. I hate a man who goes to sleep at once ; there is a sort of indefinable something about it which is not exactly an insult, and yet is an insolence; and one which is hard to bear, too. I lay there fretting over this injury, and trying to go to sleep ; but the harder I tried, the wider awake I grew. I got to feeling very lonely in the dark, with no company but an undigested dinner. My mind got a start by and by, and began to consider the beginning of every subject which has ever been thought of ; but it never went further than the beginning ; it was touch and go ; it fled from topic to topic with a frantic speed. At the end of an hour my head was in a perfect whirl and I was dead tired, fagged out. The fatigue was so great that it presently began to make some head against the nervous excitement ; while imagining myself wide awake, I would really doze into momentary 114 NERVOUS EXCITEMENT. 115 unconsciousnesses, and come suddenly out of tliem with a physical jerk which nearly- wrenched my joints apart, — the delusion of the in- stant beiug that I was tumb- ling backwards over a prec- ipice. After I had fallen over eight or nine preci- pices and thus found out that one half of my brain had been asleep eight or nine times without the wide-awake, hard-working other half suspecting it, the periodical unconscious- nesses began to extend their spell gradually over more of my brain-territory, and at last I sank into a drowse which grew deeper and deeper and was doubtks> just on the very point of becoming a solid, blessed, dreamless stupor, when, — what was that ? My dulled faculties drag- ged themselves partly back to life and took a receptive attitude. Now out of an immense, a limitless dis- tance, came a something which grew and grew, and approached, and presently was recognizable as a sound, our bedroom, — it had rather seemed to be a feeling, before. This sound was a mile away, now — perhaps it was the murmur ol a storm ; and now it was nearer, — nat a quarter of a mile away ; was Xl(} AN OLD REMEDY. it the muffled rasping and grinding of distant machinery ? No, it came still nearer; was it the measured tramp of a marching troop ? But it came nearer still, and still nearer, — and at last it was right in the room : it was merely a mouse gnawing the wood-work. So 1 had held my breath all that time for such a trifle. Well, what was done could not be helped ; I would go to sleep at once and make up the lost time. That was a thoughtless thought. Without intending it, — hardly know- ing it, — I fell to listening intently to that sound, and even unconsciously counting the strokes of the mouse's nutmeg- grater. Presently 1 was deriving exquisite suffering from this employment, yet maybe I could have endured it if the mouse had attended steadily to his work ; but he did not do that ; he stopped every now and then, and I suffered more while waiting and listening for lim to begin again than I did while he was gnawing. Along at first I was mentally offering a reward of five, — six, — seven,— ten — dollars for that mouse ; but toward the last I was offering rewards which were entirely beyond my means. I close- reefed my ears, — that is to say, I bent the flaps of them down and furled them into five or six folds, and pressed them against the hearing-orifice, — but it did no good : the faculty was so sharpened by nervous excitement that it was become a microphone and could hear through the overlays without trouble. My anger grew to a frenzy. I finally did what all persons before me have done, clear back to Adam, — resolved to throw something. I reached down and got my walking shoes, then sat up in bed and listened, in order to exactly locate the noise. But I couldn't do it ; it was as unlocatable as a cricket's noise ; and where one thinks that that is, is always the very place where it isn't. So I presently hurled a shoe at random, and with a vicious vigor. It struck the wall over Harris's head and fell down on him ; I had not imae;ined I could throw so far. It woke Harris, and I was ALMOST DESPERATE. IIY glad of it until I found lie was not angry ; tlien I was sorry. He soon went to sleep again, which pleased me ; but straight- way the mouse began, again, which roused uiy temper once more. I did not want to wake Har- ris a second time, but the gnawing continued until I was compelled to throw the other shoe. This time I broke a mirror, — there were two in the room, — I got the largest one, of course. Harris woke again, but did not complain, and I was sorrier than ever. I resolved that I would suffer all possible torture before I would disturb him a third time. The mouse eventually retired, and by and by I was sink- ing to sleep, when a clock began to strike ; I counted, till it was done, and ^vas about to drowse again when another clock began ; 1 counted ; then the two great Rathhaus clock angels began to send forth soft, rich, melodious blasts from their long trumpets. 1 had never heard anything that was so lovely, or weird, or mysterious, — but when they got to blow- ing the quarter-hours, they seemed to me to be overdoing the thing. Every time I dropped off for a moment, a new noise woke me. Each time I woke I missed my coverlet, and had to reach down to the floor and get it again. At last all sleepiness forsook me. I recognized the fact that I was hopelessly and permanently wide awake. Wide awake, and feverish and thirsty. "When I had lain tossing there as long as I could endure it, it occurred to me that it PRACTICING. 118 A NIGHT EXCURSION. M^ould be a good idea to dress and go out in the great square and take a refreshing wash in the fountain, and smoke and reflect there until the remnant of the night was gone. I believed I could dress in the dark without waking Harris. I had banished my shoes after the mouse, but my slippers would do for a summer night. So I rose softly, and grad- ually got on everything, — down to one sock. I couldift seem to get on the track of that sock, any way I could fix it.. But I had to have it; so I went down on my hands and knees, with one slipper on and the other in my band, and PAWING AROUND. began to paw gently around and rake the floor, but with no success. I enlarged my circl3, and went on pawing and raking. With every pressure of my knee, how the floor creaked ! and every time I chanced to rake against any arti- cle, it seemed to give out thirty -five or thirty-six times more noise than it would have done in the day time. In those cases I always stopped and held my breath till I was sure Harris had not awakened, — then I crept along again. I moved on and on, but I could not find the sock; I could not seem to find anything but furniture. I could not remember GROWING DESPERATE. 119 that there was much furniture in the room when I went to bed, but the place was alive with it now, — especially chairs, —chairs everywhere, — had a couple of families moved in, in the meantime? And I never could seem Xo glance on one of those chairs, but always struck it full and square with my head. My temper rose, by steady and sure degrees, and as I pawed on and on, I fell to making vicious comments under my breath. Finally, with a venomous access of irritation, I said I would leave without the sock ; so I rose up and made straighc for the door, — as I supposed, — and suddenly confronted my dim spectral image in the unbroken mirror. It startled the breath out of me, for an instant ; it also showed me that I was lost, and had no sort of idea where I was. When I realized this, I was so angry that I had to sit down on the floor and take hold of something to keep from lifting the roof off with an explosion of opinion. If there had been only one mirror, it might possibly have helped to locate me ; but there were two, and two were as bad as a thousand ; besides these were on opposite sides of the room. I could see the dim blur of the windows, but in my turned-around condition they were exactly where they ought not to be, and so they only confused me instead of helping me- I started to get up, and knocked down an umbrella; it made a noise like a pistol-shot when it struck that hard, slick carpetless floor ; I grated my teeth and held my breath, — Harris did not stir. I set the umbrella slowly and care- fully on end against the wall, but as soon as I took my hand away, its heel slipped from under it, and down it came again with another bang. I shrunk together and listened a mo- ment in silent fury, — no harm done, everything quiet. "With the most painstaking care and nicety I stood the umbrella up once more, took my hand away, and down it came again. I have been strictly reared, but if it had not been so dark and solemn and awful there in that lonely vast room, I do believe I should have said something then which could not 120 A FRESH START. * be put into a Sunday School book without injuring the sale of it. If my reasoning powers had not been already sapped dry by my harassments, I would have known better than to try to set an umbrella on end on one of those glassy Ger- man floors in the dark ; it can't be done in the daytime with- out four failures to one success. I had one comfort, though, — Harris was yet still and silent, — he had not stirred. The umbrella could not locate me, — there were four stand- ing around the room, and all alike. I thought I would feel along the wall and find the door in that way. I rose up and began this operation, but raked down a picture. It was not a large one, but it made noise enough for a panorama. Harris gave out no sound, but I felt that if I experimented any further with the pictures I should be sure to wake him. Better give up trying to get out. Yes, I would find King Arthurs Round Table once more, — I had already found it several times, — and use it for a base of departure on an ex- ploring tour for my bed ; if I could find my bed I could then find my water pitcher; I would quench my raging thirst and turn in. So I started on my hands and knees, because I could go faster that way, and with more confi- dence, too, and not knock down things. By and by I found the table, — with my head, — rubbed the bruise a little, then rose up and started, with hands abroad and fingers spread, to balance myself. I found a chair ; then the wall ; then another chair; then a sofa; then an alpenstock, then an- other sofa; this confounded me, for I had thought there was only one sofa. I hunted up the table again and took a fresh start ; found some more chairs. It occurred to me, now, as it ought to have done before, that as the table was round, it was therefore of no value as a base to aim from ; so I moved off" once moi'e, and at random among the wilderness of chairs and sofas, — wander- ed off into unfamiliar regions, and presently knocked a candlestick off a mantel-piece; grabbed at the candle- stick and knocked off" a lamp; grabbed at the lamp and BROUGHT TO A CRISIS. 121 knocked off a water-pitcher with a rattling crash, and thought to myself, " I've found jou at last,— I judged I was close upon you." Harris shouted "murder," and " thieves," and tinish- ed with " I'm abso- lutely drowned." The crash had roused the house. Mr. X. pranced in, in his long night garment, with a candle, young Z. after him with another can- dle ; a procession swept in at another door, with candles and lantern s, — landlord and two German guests in their nightgowns, and a chamber- maid in hers. I looked around ; I was at Harris's bed, a Sabbath day's jonrney from my own. There a night's work. was only one sofa ; it was against the wall ; there was only one chair where a body could get at it, — I had been revolving around it like a planet, and colliding with it, like a comet half the night. I explained how I had been employing myself, and why. Then the landlord's party left, and the rest of us set about our preparations for breakfast, for the dawn was ready to break. I glanced furtively at my pedometer, and found I had made 47 miles. But I did not care, for I had come out for a pedestrian tour anyway. CHAPTER Xiy. WKEN the landlord learned that I and my agent were artists, our party rose perceptibly in his esteem ; wq rose still higher when he learned that we were making a pedestrian tour of Europe. He told us all about the Heidelberg road, and which were the best places to avoid and which the best ones to tarry at ; he charged me less than cost for the things I broke in the night ; he put up a fine luncheon for us and added to it a quantity of great light-green plums, the pleasantest fruit in Germany ; he was so anxious to do us honor that he would not allow us to walk out of Heilbronn, but called up Gotz von Berlichingen's horse and cab and made us ride. I made a sketch of the turn-out. It is not a Work, it is only what artists call a " study " — a thing to make a finished picture from. This sketch has several blemishes in it ; for instance, the wagon is not traveling as fast as the horse is. This is wrong. Again, the person trying to get out of the way is too small ; he is out of perspective, as we say. The two upper lines are not the horse's back, they are the reins ; — there seems to be a wheel missing — this would be correct- ed in a finished Work, of course. That thing flying out be- hind is not a flag, it is a curtain. That other thing up there is the sun, but I didn't get enough distance on it. I do not 122 OUR TURN-OUT. 123 remember, now, what that thing is that is in front of the man who is running, but I think it is a haystack or a woman. This study was exhibited in the Paris Salon of 1879, but did not take any medal ; they do not give medals for studies. We discharged the carriage at the bridge. The river was full of logs, — long, slender, barkless pine logs, — a n d we leaned on the rails of the bridg'e and watched tlie men put them together into rafts. These rafts were of a shape and construction t o suit the crookedness and extreme narrowness of the N ec k a r . They were from 50 to 10 yards long, and. they gradually tapered from a 9-log breadth at their sterns, to a 3-1 o g breadth at their bow-ends. The main part of the steeriiig is done at the bow, with a pole ; the 3-log breadth there furnishes room for only the steersman, for these little logs are not larger around than an .verage young lady's waist. The connections of the seyeral sections of the raft are slack and pliant, so that the raft may be readily bent into any sort of curve required by the shape of the river. The Neckar is in many places so narrow that a person can 3^24: THE NECKAR. throw a dog across it, if he has one ; when it is also sharply curved in such places, the raftsman has to do some pretty nice snug piloting to make the turns. The river is not always allowed to spread over its whole bed, — which is as much as 30, and sometimes 40, yards wide, — but is split into three equal bodies of water, by stone dikes which throw the main volume, depth, and current, into the central one. In low water these neat narrow-edged dikes project four or five inches above the surface, like the comb of a submerged roof, but in high water they are overflowed. A hatful of rain makes high water in the Neckar, and a basketful produces an overflow. There are dikes abreast the Schloss Hotel, and the current is violently swift at that point. I used to sit for hours in my glass cage, watching the long, narrow rafts slip along through the central channel, grazing the right-bank dike and aiming carefully for the middle arch of the stone bridge below ; I watched them in this way, and lost all this time hoping to see one of them hit the bridge-pier and wreck itself some- time or other, but was always disappointed. One was smash- ed there one morning, but I had just stepped into my room a moment to light a pipe, so I lost it. While I was looking down upon the rafts that morning in Heilbronn, the dare-devil spirit of adventure came suddenly upon me, and I said to my comrades, — " / am going to Heidelberg on a raft. Will yon venture with me ? " Their faces paled a little, but they assented with as good a grace as they could. Harris wanted to cable his mother, — thought it his duty to do that,as he was all she had in this world, — so, while he attended to this, I went down to the longest and finest raft and hailed the captain with a hearty "Ahoy, shipmate!" which put us upon pleasant terms at once, and we entered upon business. I said we were on a pedestrian tour to Heidelberg, and would like to take passage with him. I said this partly through young Z, who spoke German very well, and partly through Mr. X, who spoke it CHARTERING A RAFT. 125 peculiarly. I can understand German as well as the maniac that invented it, but I talk it best through an interpreter. The captain hitched up his trowsers, then shifted his quid thoughtfully. Presently he said just what I was expecting he would say, — that he had no license to carry passengers, THE CAPTAIN. and therefore was afraid the law would be after him in case the matter got noised about or any accident happened. So T chartered the raft and the crew and took all the responsi- bilities on myself. 126 VOYAGING ON A RAFT. "With a rattling song the starboard watch bent to their work and hove the cable short, then got the anchor home, and our bark moved off with a stately stride, and soon was bowling along at about two knots an hour. Our party were grouped amidships. At first the talk was a little gloomy, and ran mainly upon the shortness of life, the uncertainty of it, the perils which beset it, and the need and wisdom of being always prepared for the worst ; this shaded off into low-voiced references to the dangers of the deep, and kindred matters ; but as the gray east began to red- den and the mysterious solemnity and silence of the dawn to give place to the joy-songs of the birds, the talk took a cheerier tone, and our spirits began to rise steadily. Germany, in the summer, is the perfection of the beauti- ful, but nobody has understood, and realized, and enjoyed the utmost possibilities of this soft and peaceful beauty un- less he has voyaged down the ISTeckar on 'a raft. The motion of a raft is the needful motion ; it is gentle, and gliding, and smooth, andnoiseless; it calms down all feverish activities, it soothes to sleep all nervous hurry and impatience ; under its restful influence all the troubles and vexations and sorrows that harass the mind vanish away, and existence becomes a dream, a charm, a deep and tranquil ecstasy. How it con- trasts with hot and perspiring pedestrianism, and dusty and deafening railroad rush, and tedious jolting behind tired horses over blinding white roads ! We went slipping silently along, between the green and fragrant banks, with a sense of pleasure and contentment that grew, and grew, all the time. Sometimes the banks wore over-hung with thick masses of willows that wholly liid the ground behind ; sometimes we hnd noble hills on one hand, clothed densely with foliage to their tops, and on the other hand open levels blazing with poppies, or clothed in the rich blue of the corn-flower; sometimes we drifted in the shadow of forests, and sometimes along the margin of long stretches of velvety grass, fresh and green and bright, a tireless charm to the eye. And the birds ! — they were PLEASURES OF RAFTING. 127 everywhere ; they swept back and forth across the river con- stantly, and their jubilant music was never stilled. It was a deep and satisfying pleasure to see the sun create the new morning, and gradually, patiently, lovingly, clothe it on with splendor after splendoi", and glory after glory, till the miracle was complete. How different is this marvel observed from a raft, from what it is when one observes it through the dingy windows of a railway station in some wretched village while he munches a petrified sandwich and waits for the train. CHAPTER. XV. DOWN THE KIVER. MEN and women and cattle were at work in the dewy lields by this time. The people often stepped aboard the raft, as we glided along the grassy shores, and gossiped with ns and with the crew for a hundred yards or so, then stepped ashore again, refreshed by the ride. Only the men did this ; the women were too busy. The women do all kinds of work on the continent. They dig, they hoe, they reap, they sow, they bear monstrous burdens on their backs, they shove similar ones long distances on wheelbarrows, they drag the cart when there is no dog or lean cow to drag it, — and when there is, they assist the dog or cow. Age is no matter, — the older the woman, the strong- er she is, apparently. On the farm a woman's duties are not defined, — she does a little of everything ; but in the towns it is different, there she only does certain things, the men do the rest. For instance, a hotel chambermaid has nothing to do but make beds and fires in fifty or sixty rooms, bring towels and candles, and fetch several tons of water up sev- eral flights of stairs, a hundred pounds at a time, in prodi- gious metal pitchers. She does not have to work more than eighteen or twenty hours a day, and she can always get down on her knees and scrub the floors of halls and closets when she is tired and needs a rest. 128 PLEASURES OF RAFTING. 129 As tlie morning advanced and the weather grew hot, we took off our outside clothing and sat in a row along the edge of the raft and enjoyed the scenery, with our sun umbrellas over our heads and our legs dangling in the water. Every \:^r:i^M^ 'A DEEP AND TRANQTTIL ECSTASY. now and then we plunged in and had a swim. Every pro- jecting grassy cape had its joyous group of naked children, the boys to themselves and the girls to themselves, the latter usually in vr/^^ ^g jjjg ^j^ g^jj attempt which had brought death to so many of the world's most THB UNKNOWN KNIGHT. Ulustrious hcrocs. But this tramp only asked, — "Were any of these heroes men of science ? " This raised a laugh, of course, for science was despised in those days. But the tramp was not in the least ruffled. He said he might be a little in advance of his age, but no matter, — science would come to be honored, some time or other. He said he would march against the dragon in the morning. Out of compassion, then, a decent spear was offered him, but he declined, and said, "spears were useless to men of science." They allowed him to sup in the servants' hall, and gave him a bed in the stables. 152 THE POWER OF SCIENCE ILLUSTRATED. When be started forth in the morning, thousands were gathered to see. The emperor said, — " Do not be rash, take a spear, and leave off your knap- sack." But the tramp said, — " It is not a knapsack," and moved straight on. The dragon was waiting and ready. He was breathing forth vast volumes of sulphurous smoke and lurid blasts of flame. The ragged knight stole warily to a good position, then he unslung his cylindrical knapsack, — which was simply the common fire-extinguisher known to modern times, — and the first chance he got he turned on his hose and shot the dragon square in the center of his cavernous mouth. Out went the fires in an instant, and the dragon curled up and died. This man had brought brains to his aid. He had reared dragons from the egg, in his laboratory, he had watched over them like a mother, and patiently studied them and experi- mented upon them while they grew. Thus he had found out that fire was the life principle of a dragon; put out the dragon's fires and it could make steam no longer, and must die. He could not put out a fire with a spear, therefore he invented the extinguisher. The dragon being dead, the emperor fell on the hero's neck and said, — •' Deliverer, name your request," at the same time beckoning out behind with his heel for a detachment of his daughters to form and advance. But the tramp gave them no observance. He simply said, — " My request is, that upon me be conferred the monopoly of the manufacture and sale of spectacles in Germany." The emperor sprang aside and exclaimed, — "This transcends all the impudence I ever heard! A THE EMBKACB. WHY SPECTACLES WERE WORN. 153 modest demand, by mj halidome ! Why didnH you ask for the imperial revenues at once, and be done with it ? " But the monarch had given his word, and he kept it. To everybody's surprise, the unselfish monopolist immedi- ately reduced the price of spectacles to such a degree that a great and crushing burden was removed from the nation. The emperor, to commemorate this generous act, and to testify his appreciation of it, issued a decree commanding everybody to buy this benefactor's spectacles and wear them, whether they needed them or not. So originated the wide-spread custom of wearing specta- cles in Germany ; and as a custom once established in these old lands is imperishable, this one remains universal in the Empire to this day. Such is the legend of the monopolist's once stately and sumptuous castle, now called the " Spectacu- lar Kuin." On the right bank, two or three miles below the Spectac- ular Ruin, we passed by a noble pile of castellated buildings overlooking the water from the crest of a lofty elevation. A stretch of two hundred yards of the high front wall was heavily draped with ivy, and out of the mass of buildings within rose three picturesque old towers. The place was iu fine order, and was inhabited by a family of princely rank. This castle had its legend, too, but I should not feel justified in repeating it because I doubted the truth of some of its minor details. Along in this region a multitude of Italian laborers were blasting away the frontage of the hills to make room for the new railway. They were fifty or a hundred feet above the river. As we turned a sharp corner they began to wave signals and shout warnings to us to look out for the explo- sions. It was all very well to warn us, but what could we do ? You can't back a raft up stream, you can't hurry it down stream, you can't scatter out to one side when you haven't any rootn to speak of, you won't take to the perpendicular clifl^B on the other shore when they appear to be blasting there lU ENCOUNTERING DANGER. too. Your resources are limited, you see. There is simply nothing for it but to watch and pray. For some hours we had been making three and a half or four miles an hour and we were still making that. We had been dancing right along until those men began to shout ; then for the next ten minutes it seemed to me that I had never seen a raft go so slowly. When the first blast went off we raised our sun-umbrellas and waited for the result. PERILOUS POSITION. No harm done; none of the stones fell in the water. An- otlier blast followed, and another and another. Some of the rubbish fell in the water just astern of us. We ran that whole battery of nine blasts in a row, and it was certainly one of the most exciting and uncomfortable weeks I ever spent, either aship or ashore. Of course we fre- quently manned the poles and shoved earnestly for a second or so, but every time one of those spurts of dust and debris shot aloft every man dropped his pole and looked up to get the bearings of his share of it. It was very busy times along there for a while. It appeared certain that we must perish, but even that was not the bitterest thought ; no, the ITALIANS AS LABORERS. 155 abjectly unheroic nature of the death, — that was the sting, — that and the bizarre wording of the resulting obituary : " Shot with a rock, on a raftP There would be no poetry written about it. None could be written about it. Example ; Not by war's shock, or war's shaft, — Shot, with a rock, on a raft. No poet who valued his reputation would touch such a theme as that. I should be distinguished as the only " dis- tinguished dead " who went down to the grave unsonneted, in 1878. But we escaped, and I have never regretted it. The last blast was a peculiarly strong one, and after the small rubbish was done raining around us and we were just going to shake hands over our deliverance, a later and larger stone came down amongst our little group of pedestrians and wrecked an umbrella. It did no other harm, but we took to the water just the same. It seems that the heavy work in the quarries and the new railway gradings is done mainly by Italians. That was a revelation. We have the notion in our country that Italians never do heavy work at all, but confine themselves to the lighter arts, like organ -grin ding, operatic singing, and assassi- nation. We have blundered, that is plain. All along the river, near every village, we saw little sta- tion houses for the future railway. They were finished and waiting for the rails and business. They were as trim and snug and pretty as they could be. They were always of brick or stone ; they were of graceful shape, they had vines and flowers about them already, and around them the grass was bright and green, and showed that it was carefully looked after. They were a decoration to the beautiful land- scape, not an offense. Wherever one saw a pile of gravel, or a pile of broken stone, it was always heaped as trimly and exactly as a new grave or a stack of cannon balls ; nothing about those stations, or along the railroad or the wagon road was allowed to look shabby or be unornamental. The keeping 156 , A GALE AT SEA. a country in such beautiful order as Germany exhibits, has a wise practical side to it, too, for it keeps thousands of people in work and bread who would otherwise be idle and mis- chievous. As the night shut down, the captain wanted to tie up, but I thought maybe we might make Hirsehhorn, so we went on. Presently the sky became overcast, and the captain came aft looking uneasy. He cast his eye aloft, then shook his head, and said it was coming on to blow. My party wanted to land at once, — therefore I wanted to go on. The captain said we ought to shorten sail, anyway, out of com- mon prudence. Consequently the larboard watch was or- dered to lay in his pole. It grew quite dark, now, and the wind began to rise. It wailed through the swaying branches of the trees, and swept our decks in fitful gusts. Things were taking on an ugly look. The captain shouted to the steersman on the forward log, — " How's she heading ? " The answer came faint and hoarse from far forward : " Kor'-east-and-by-nor',— — east by-east, half-east, sir." " Let her go off a point ! " "Ay -aye, sir!" " What water have you got ? " " Shoal, sir. Two foot large, on the stabboard, two and a half scant on the labboard ! " " Let her go off another point ! " "Ay-aye, sir ! " "Forward, men, all of you! Lively, now! Stand by to crowd her round the weather corner ! " "Ay-aye, sir ! " Then followed a wild running and trampling and hoarse shouting, but the forms of the men were lost in the darkness and the sounds were distorted and confused by the roaring of the wind through the shingle-bundles. By this time the sea was running inches high, and threatening every moment to engul f the frail bark. Now came the mate hurrying aft^ and said, close to the captain's ear, in a low, agitated voice, — IMMINENT DANGER. 157 " Prepare for the worst, sir, — we have sprung a leak ! " " Heavens ! where ? " " Right aft the second row of logs." " Nothing but a miracle can save us ! Don't let the men know, or there will be a panic and mutiny ! Lay her in shore and stand by to jump with the stern-line the moment she touches. Gentlemen, I must look to you to second my en- deavors in this hour of peril. You have hats, — go forrard and bail for your lives ! " Down swept another mighty blast of wind, clothed in spray and thick darkness. At such a moment as this, came from THE EAPT IN A STORM. away forward that most appalling of all cries that are ever heard at sea, — " Man overboard ! " The captain shouted, — " Hard a-port ! Never mind the man ! Let him climb aboard or wade ashore ! " Another cry came down the wind, — " Breakers ahead ! " " Where away ? " " Not a log's length off her port fore-foot ! " "We had groped our slippery way forward, and were now 10 158 THE CRISIS PASSED. bailing with the frenzy of despair, when we heard the mate's terrified cry, from far aft, — " Stop that dashed bailing, or we shall be aground ! " But this was immediately followed by the glad shout, — '• Land aboard the starboard transom ! " " Saved ! " cried the captain. " Jump ashore and take a turn around a tree and pass the bight aboard ! " The next moment we were all on shore weeping and em- bracing for joy, while the rain poured down in torrents. The captain said he had been a mariner for forty years on the Neckar, and in that time had seen storms to make a man's ALL SAFE ON SHORE. cheek blanch and his pulses stop, but lie had never, never seen a storm that even approached this one. How familiar that sounded ! For I have been at ?ea a good deal and have heard that remark from captains with a fi-equency accord- ingly. We framed in our minds the usual resolution of thanks and admiration and gratitude, and took the first opportunity to vote it, and put it in writing and present it to the captain, with the customary speech. We tramped through the darkness and the drenching A RICH LANDLORD. 159 summer rain full three miles, and reached '' The ^Naturalist Tavern " in the village of Hirschhorn just an hour before midnight, almost exhausted from hardship, fatigue and terror. I can never forget that niglit. The landlord was rich, and therefore could afford to be crusty and disobliging ; lie did not at all like being turned out of his warm bed to open his house for us. But no mat- ter, his household got up and cooked a quick supper for us, and we brewed a hot punch for ourselves, to keep oif con- sumption. After supper and punch we had an hour's sooth- ing smoke while we fought the naval battle over again and voted the resolutions; then we retired to exceedingly neat and pretty chambers up stairs that had clean, comfortable beds in them with heir-loom pillow-cases most elaborately and tastefully embroidered by hand. Such rooms and beds and embroidered linen are as frequent in German village inns as they are rare in ours. Our villages are superior to German villages in more merits, excellencies, conveniences and privileges than I can enumerate, but the li(>tels do not belong in the list. " The Naturalist Tavern " was not a meaningless name ; for all the halls and all the rooms were lined with large glass cases which were filled with all sorts of birds and animals, glass-eyed, ably stuffed, and set up in the most natural and eloquent and dramatic attitudes. The moment we were abed, the rain cleared away and the moon came out. I dozed off to sleep while contemplating a great white stuffed owl which was looking intently down on me from a high 'perch with the air of a person who thought he had met me before but could not make out for certain. But young Z. did not get off so easily. He said that as he was sinking deliciously to sleep, the moon lifted away the shadows and developed a huge cat, on a bracket, dead and stuffed, but crouching, with every muscle tense, for a spring, and with its glittering glass eyes aimed straight at him. It made Z. uncomfortable. He tried closing his own eyes, but 160 NERVOUS SYMPTOMS. that did not answer, for a natural instinct kept making him open them again to see if the cat was still getting readj to launch at him, — which she always was. He tried turning "it was the cat,' his back, but that was a failure ; he knew the sinister ejes were on him still. So at last he had to get up, after an hour or two of worry and experiment, and set the cat out in the hall. So he won, that time. « CHAPTER XVm. IK the morning we took breakfast in the garden, under the trees, in the delightful German summer fashion. The air was filled with the fragrance of flowers and wild animals ; the living portion of the menagerie of the " Naturalist Tav- ern" was all about us. There were great cages populous with fluttering and chattering foreign birds, and other great cages and greater wire pens, populous with quadrupeds, both native and foreign. There were some free creatures, too,, and quite sociable ones they were. White rabbits went lo- ping about the place, and occasionally came and sniffed at our shoes and shins ; a fawn, with a red ribbon on its neck,, walked up and examined us fearlessly ; rare breeds of chick- ens and doves begged for crumbs, and a poor old tailless raven hopped about with a humble, shame-faced mien which said, "Please do not notice my exposure, — think how you would feel in my circumstances, and be charitable." If he was observed too much, he would retire behind something and stay there until he judged the party's interest had found another object. I never have seen another dumb creature that was so morbidly sensitive. Bayard Taylor, who could interpret the dim reasonings of animals, and understood their moral natures better than most men,, would, have found some 162 SIGHT-SEEING. way to make this poor old chap forget his troubles for a while. >^" BREAKFAST IN THE GARDEN. but we had not his kindlj art, and so had to leave the raven to his griefs. After breakfast we climbed the hill and visited the ancient castle of Hirschhorn, and the ruined church near it. There were some curious old bas-reliefs leaning against the inner walls of the church, — sculptured lords of Hirschhorn in com- plete armor, and ladies of Hirschhorn in the picturesque court costumes of the Middle Ages. These tilings are suf- fering damage and passing to decay, for the last Hirschhorn has been dead two hundred years, and there is nobody now who cares to preserve the family relics. In the chancel was a twisted stone column, and the captain told us a legend about it, of course, for in the matter of legends he could not seem to restrain himself ; but I do not repeat his tale because there was nothing plausible about it except that the Hero wrenched this column into its present screw-shape with his hands, — just one single wrench. All the rest of the legend was doubtful. But Hirschhorn is best seen from a distance, down the river. Then the clustered brown towers perched on the SPEAKING IN HIGH GERMAN. 163 green hilltop, and the old battlemented stone wall stretching np and over the grassy ridge and disappearing in the leafy sea beyond, make a picture whose grace and beauty entirely satisfy the eye. We descended from the church by steep stone stairways which curved this way and that down narrow alleys between the packed and dirty tenements of the village. It was a quarter well stocked with deformed, leering, unkempt and uncombed idiots, who held out hands or caps and begged piteously. The people of the quarter were not all idiots, of course, but all that begged seemed to be, and were said to be. 1 was thinking of going by skiff to the next town, Neckar- steinach ; so 1 ran to the riverside in advance of the party and asked a man there if he Lad a boat to hire. I suppose I must have spoken High-German, — Court German, — I intended it for that, anyway, — so he did not understand me. I turned and twisted my question around and about, trying to strike that man's average, but failed. He could not make out what I wanted. Now Mr. X. arrived, faced this same man, looked him in the eye, and emptied this sentence on him, in the most glib and confident way: " Can man boat get here ? " The mariner promptly understood and promptly answered. I can comprehend why he was able to understand that par- ticular sentence, because by mere accident all the words in it except "get" have the same sound and the same meaning in German that they have in English ; but how he managed to understand Mr. X.'s next remark puzzled me. I will insert it, presently. X. turned away a moment, and I asked the mariner if he could not find a board, and so construct an additional seat. I spoke in the purest German, but I might as well have spoken in the purest Choctaw for all the good it did. The man tried his best to understand me; he tried, and kept on trying, harder and harder, until I saw it was really of no use, and said, — 164 PLATT-DEUTCH, " There, don't strain yourself, — it is of no consequence." Then X. turned to him and crisply said, — " Machen Sie a flat board." I wish mj epi- taph may tell the truth about me if the mnn did not answer up at once, and say he would go and borrow a board as soon as he had lit the pipe which he was filling. We changed our mind about taking EASILY UKDERSTOOD. & boat, SO WC did not have to go. 1 liave given Mr. X.'s two remarks just as he made them. Four of the five words in the first one were English, and that they were also German was only accidental, not intentional ; three out of the five words in the second re- mark were English, and English only, and the two German ones did not mean anything in particular, in such a con- nection. X. always spoke English, to Germans, but his plan was to turn the sentence wrong end first and upside down, according to German construction, and sprinkle in a German word with- out any essential meaning to it, here and there, by way of flavor. Yet he always made himself understood. He could make those dialect-speaking raftsmen understand him, some- times, when even young Z. had failed with them ; and young Z. was a pretty good German scholar. For one thing, X. always spoke with such confidence, — perhaps that helped. A STOCK OF MISINFORMATION. 165 And possibly the raftsmen's dialect was wliat is called jplatt- Deutch^ and so they found his English more familiar to their ears than another man's German. Quite indifferent students of German can read Fritz Renter's charming platt-Deutch tales with some little facility because many of the words are English. I suppose this is the tongue which our Saxon ancestors carried to England with them. By and by I will inquire of some other philologist. However, in the meantime it had transpired that the men employed to caulk the raft had found that the leak was not a leak at all, but only a crack between the logs, — a crack which belonged there, and was not dangerous, but had been mag- nified into a leak by the disordered imagination of the mate. Therefore we went aboard again with a good degree of con- fidence, and presently got to sea without accident. As we Gwam smoothly along between the enchanting shores, we fell to swapping notes about manners and customs in Ger- many and elsewhere. As I write, now, many months later, I perceive that each of us, by observing and noting and inquiring, diligently and day by day, had managed to lay in a most varied and opu- lent stock of misinformation. But this is not surprising; it is very difficult to get accurate details in any country. For example, I had the idea, once, in Heidelberg, to find out all about those five stndent-corps. I started with the "White-cap corps. I began to inquire of this and that and the other citizen, and here is what I found out: 1. It is called the Prussian Corps, because none but Prus- sians are admitted to it. 2. It is called the Prussian Corps for no particular rea- son. It has simply pleased each corps to name itself after some German State. 3. It is not named the Prussian Corps at all, but only the White Cap Corps. 4. Any student can belong to it who is a German by birth. 166 AT HEAD QUARTERS. 5. Any student can belong to it who is European by birth. 6. Any European-born student can belong to it, except he be a Frenchman. Y. Any student can belong to it, no matter where he was born. 8. No student can belong to it who is not of noble blood. 9. No student can belong to it who cannot show three full generations of noble descent. 10. Nobility is not a necessary qualification. 11. No monej^ess student can belong to it. 12. Money qualification is nonsense — such a thing has never been thought of. I got some of this information from students themselves, — students who did not belong to the corps. I finally went to headquarters, — to the White Caps, — where I would have gone in the first place if I had been acquainted. But even at headquarters I found difficulties ; I perceived that tliere were things about the White Cap Corps which one member knew and another one didn't. It Avas natural ; for very few members of any organization know all that can be known about it. I doubt if there is a man or a woman in Heidel- berg who would not answer promptly and confidently three out of every five questions about the White Cap Corps which a stranger might ask ; yet it is a very safe bet that two of the three answers would be incorrect every time. There is one German custom which is universal, — the bow- ing courteously to strangers when sitting down at table or rising up from it. This bow startles a stranger out of his self-possession, the first time it occurs, and he is likely to fall over a chair or something, in his embarrassment, but it pleases him nevertheless. One soon learns to expect this bow and be on the lookout and ready to return it; but to learn to lead off and make the initial bow one's self is a difficult matter for a diffident man. One thinks, " If I rise to go, and tender my bow and these ladies and gentlemen take it into their heads to ignore the custom of their nation, and not return it, how EMBARRASSING TO STRANGERS. 167 shall I feel, in case I survive to feel anything." Therefore he is afraid to venture. He sits out the dinner, and makes the strangers rise first and originate the bowing, A table d'hote dinner is a tedious affair for a man who seldom touches anything after the three first courses ; therefore I used to do some pretty dreary waiting because of my fears. It took me months to assure myself that those fears were groundless but I did assure myself at last by experimenting diligently through my agent. I made Harris get up and bow and leave; invariably his bow wa s returned, then I got up and bowed myself and retired. Thus my educa- tion proceeded easily and comfortably for me, but not for Har- ris. Three courses of a table d'hote d i n - ner were enough fur me, but Harris pre- ferred thirteen. Even after I had acquired full confi- dence, and no longer needed the agent's help, I sometimes encountered difiicul- ties. Once at Baden Baden I nearly EXPERIMENTING THROUGH HARRIS. lo^t a tram Dccause I could not be sure that three young ladies opposite me at table, were Germans, since I had not heard them speak; they might be American, they might be English, it was not safe to venture a bow ; but just as I had got that far with my thought, one of them began a German remark, to my great relief and gratitude; and before she had got out her third word, our bows had been delivered and graciously returned, and we were off. 168 FRIENDLINESS OF THE GERMANS. There is a friendly something about the German character which is very winning. When Harris and I were making a pedestrian tour through the Black Forest, we stopped at a little country inn for dinner one day ; two young ladies and a young gentleman entered and sat down opposite us. They were pedestrians, too. Our knapsacks were strapped upon our backs, but they had a sturdy youth along to carry theirs for them. All parties were hungry, so there was no talking. By and by the usual bows were exchanged, and we separated. As we sat at a late breakfast in the hotel at Allerheiligen, next morning, these young people entered and took places near us without observing us ; but presently they saw us and at once bowed and smiled; not ceremoniously, but with the gratified look of people who have found acquaintances where they were expecting strangers. Then they spoke of the weather and the roads. We also spoke of the weather and the roads. Kext, they said they had had an enjoyable walk, notwithstanding the weather. We said that that had been our case, too. Then they said they had walked thirty Eng- lish miles the day before, and asked how many we had walked. I could not lie, so I told Harris to do it. Harris told them we had made thirty English miles, too. That was true ; we had " made " them, though we had had a little assistance here and there. After breakfast they found us trying to blast some infor- mation out of the dumb hotel clerk about routes, and observ. ing that we were not succeeding pretty well, they went and got their maps and things, and pointed out and explained our course so clearly that even a New York detective could have followed it. And when we started they spoke out a hearty good-bye and wished us a pleasant journey. Perhaps they were more generous with us than they might have been with native wayfarers because we were a forlorn lot and in a strange laud ; I don't know ; I only know it was lovely to be treated so. Yery well, I took an American young lady to one of the TIMELY ASSISTANCE. 169 fine balls in Baden-Baden, one night, and at the entrance- door up stairs we were halted by an official, — something about Miss Jones's dress was not according to rule ; I don't remem- ber what it was, now; something was wanting, — her back hair, or a shawl, or a fan, or a shovel, or something. The official was ever so polite, and ever so sorry, but the rule was strict, and he could not let us in. It was very embarrassing, AT THE BALL-ROOM DOOR. for many eyes were on us. But now a richly dressed girl stepped out of the ball-room, inquired into the trouble, and said she could fix it in a moment. She took Miss Jones to the robing-room, and soon brought her back in regulation trim, and then we entered the ball-room with this benefactress unchallenged. Being safe, now, I began to puzzle through my sincere but ungraramatical thanks, when there was a sudden mutual recognition, — the benefactress and I had met at Allerheiligen. Two weeks had not altered her good face, and plainly her heart was in the right place yet, but there was such a differ- ence between these clothes and the clothes I had seen her in before, when she was walking thirty miles a day in the Black 170 REAL POLITENESS. Forest, that it was quite natural that I had failed to recog- nize her sooner. I had on my other suit, too, but my Ger- man would betray me to a person who had heard it once, anyway. She brought her brother and sister, and they made our way smooth for that evening. "Well, — months afterward, I was driving through the streets of Munich in a cab with a German lady, one day, when she said, — " There that is Prince Ludwig and his wife, walking a- long there." Everybody was bowing to them, — cabmen, little children, and everybody else, — and they were returning all the bows and overlooking nobody, when a young lady met them and made a deep curtsy. " That is probably one of the ladies of the court," said my German friend. I said, — '' She is an honor to it, then. I know her. I don't know her name, but I know her. I have known her at Allerheili- gen and Baden-Baden. She ought to be an Empress, but she may be only a Duchess ; it is the way things go in this world." If one asks a German a civil question, he will be quite sure to get a civil answer. If you stop a German in the street and ask him to direct you to a certain place, he shows no sign of feeling offended. If the place be difficult to find, ten to one the man will drop his own matters and go with you and show you. In London, too, many a time, strangers have walked several blocks with me to show me my way. There is something very real about this sort of politeness. Quite often, in Germany, shopkeepers who could not furnish me the article I wanted, have sent one of their employes with me to show me a place where it could be had. CHAPTER XIX. HOWEYER, I wander from the raft. "We made the port of Neckarsteinach in good season, and went to the hotel and ordered a trout dinner, the same to be readv against our return from a two-hour pedestrian excursion to the vil- lage and castle of Dilsberg, a mile distant, on the other side of the river. I do not mean that we proposed to be two hours making two miles, — no, we meant to employ most of the time in inspecting Dilsberg. For Dilsberg is a quaint place. It is most quaintly and picturesquely situated, too. Imagine the beautiful river be- fore you ; then a few rods of brilliant green sward on its opposite shore ; then a sudden hill, — no preparatory gently- rising slopes, but a sort of instantaneous hill, — a hill two hundred and fifty or three hundred feet high, as round as a bowl, with the same taper upward that an inverted bowl has, and with about the same relation of height to diameter that distinguishes a bowl of good honest depth, — a hill which is thickly clothed with green bushes, — a comely, shapely hill, rising abruptly out of the dead level of the surrounding green plains, visible from a great distance down the bends of the river, and with just exactly room on the top of its head for its steepled and turreted and roof-clustered cap of archi- tecture, which same is tightly jammed and compacted with- in the perfectly round hoop of the ancient village wall. 171 172 A QUAINT OLD PLACE. DILSBERG. There is no house outside the wall on the whole hill, or any vestige of a former house ; all the houses are inside the wall, but there isn't room for another one. It is really a finished town, and has been finished a very long time. ±v/j 1 1 . " - There is no space between if I ,( fh \ the wall and the first circle of buildings ; no, '/ > ^»- 11 the village wall is itself the rear wall of the first circle of -buildings, and the roofs jut a little over the wall and thus furnish it with eaves. The general level of the massed roofs is gracefully broken and relieved by the dominating towers of the ruined castle and the tall spires of a couple of churches ; 30, from a distance Dilsberg has rather more the look of a king's crown than a cap. That lofty green eminence and its quaint cornet form quite a strik- ing picture, you may be sure, in the fiush of the evening sun. We crossed over in a boat and began the ascent by a narrow, steep path which plung- ed us at once into the leafy deeps of the bushes. But they were not cool deeps by any means, for the sun's rays were weltering hot and there* was little or no breeze to temper them. As we pan- ted up the sharp ascent, we met brown, bareheaded and OUR ADVANCE ON DILSBEKG. MARRYING OF RELATIVES. 173 barefooted boys and girls, occasionally, and sometimes men; they came upon us without warning, they gave us good-day flashed out of sight in the bushes, and were gone as sud- denly and mysteriously as they had come. They were bound for the other side of the river to work. This path jiad been traveled by many generations of these people. They have always gone down to the valley to earn their bread, but they have always climbed their hill again to eat it, and to sleep in their snug town. It is said that the Dilsbergers do not emigrate much; they find that living up there above the world, in their peaceful nest, is pleasanter than living down in the troublous world. The seven hundred inhabitants are all blood-kin to each othei', too; they have alM^ays been blood-kin to each other for fifteen hundred years ; they are simply one large family, and they like the home folks better than they like strangers, hence they persistently stay at home. It has been said that for ages Dilsberg has been nierely a thriving and diligent idiot-factory. I saw no idiots there, but the captain said, "Because of late years the government has taken to lugging them off to asylums and otherwheres; and government wants to crip]»le the factory, too, and is trying to get these- Dilsbergers to marry out of the family, but they don't like- to." The captain probably imagined all this, as modern science- denies that the intermarrying of relatives deteriorates the- stock. Arrived within the wall, we found the usual village sight&- and life. We moved along a narrow, crooked lane which- had been paved in the Middle Ages. A strapping, ruddy girl was beating flax or some such stuff in a little bit of a; goods-box of a barn, and she swung her flail with a will, — if it was a flail ; I was not farmer enough to know what she was at ; a frowsy, barelegged girl was herding half a dozen geese with a stick, — driving them albng the lane andi keeping them out of the dwellings.;, a. cooper waa at work; 174 THE TOWN OF DILSBERG. in a shop which I know he did not make so large a thing as a hogshead in, for there was not room. In the front rooms of dwellings girls and women were cooking or spin- ning, and ducks and chickens were waddling in and out, over the threshold, picking up chance crumbs and holding INSIDE THE TOWN. pleasant converse ; a very old and wrinkled man sat asleep before his door, with his chin upon his breast and his extin- guished pipe in his lap ; soiled children were playing in the dirt everywhere along the lane, unmindful of the sun. Except the sleeping old man, everybody was at work, but the place was very still and peaceful, nevertheless ; so still that the distant cackle of the successful hen smote upon the ear but little dulled by intervening sounds. That common- est of village sights was lacking here, — the public pump, with its great stone tank or trough of limpid water, and its group of gossiping pitcher-bearers; for there is no well or fountain or spring on this tall hill; cisterns of rain water are used. Our alpenstocks and muslin tails compelled attention, and as we moved through the village we gathered a considerable procession of little boj's and girls, and so went in some state to the castle. It proved to be an extensive pile of crumbling THE ANCIENT WELL* 175 walls, arches and towers, massive, properly grouped for pic- turesque effect, weedy, grass-grown, and satisfactory. The children acted as guides ; they walked us along the top of the highest wall, then took us up into a high tower and showed us a wide and beautiful landscape, made up of wavy dis- tances of woody hills, and a nearer prospect of undulating expanses of green lowlands, on the one hand, and castle- graced crags and ridges on the other, with the shining curves of the Neckar flowing between. But the principal show, the chief pride of the children, was the ancient and empty well in the grass-grown court of the castle. Its massive stone curb stands up three or four feet above ground, and is whole and uninjured. The children said that in the Middle Ages this well was four hundred feet deep, and furnished all the village with an abundant supply of water, in war and peace. They said that in that old day its bottom was below the level of the Neckar, hence the water supply was inex- haustible. But there were some who believed it had never been a well at all, and was never deeper than it is now, — eighty feet ; that at that depth a subterranean passage branched from it and descended gradually to a remote place in the valley, where it opened into somebody's cellar or other hid- den recess, and that the secret of this locality is now lost. Those who hold this belief say that herein lies the expla- nation that Dilsberg, besieged by Tilly and many a soldier before him, was never taken : after the longest and closest sieges the besiegers were astonished to perceive that the be- sieged were as fat and hearty as ever, and as well furnished with munitions of war, — therefore it must be that the Dils- bergers had been bringing these things in through the subterranean passage all the time. The children said that there was in truth a subterranean outlet down there, and they would prove it. So they set a great truss of straw on fire and threw it down the well, while we leaned on the curb and watched the glowing mass 176 A RELIC OF THE PAST. descend. It struck bottom and gradually burned out. No smoke came up. The children clapped their hands ar^d said, — ''You see! Nothing makes so mncli smoke as burning straw — now wheredid the smoke go to, if there is no subter- ranean outlet ? " THE OLD WELL. So It seemcd quite evident that the subterranean outlet indeed existed. But the finest thing within the ruin's limits was a noble lin- den, which the children said was four hundred j^ears old, and no doubt it was. It had a mighty trunk and a mighty spread of limb and foliage. The limbs near the ground were nearly the thickness of a barrel. That tree had witnessed the assaults of men in mail, — how remote such a time seems, and how ungraspable is the fact that real men ever did fight in real armor ! — and it had seen the time when these broken arches and crumbling bat- tlements were a trim and strong and stately fortress, fiutter- ing its gay banners in the sun, and peopled with vigorous humanity, — how impossibly long ago that seems ! — and here it stands yet, and possibly may still be standing here, sun- ning itself and dreaming its historical dreams, when to-day shall have been joined to the days called " ancient." Well, we sat down under the tree to smoke, and the cap- tain delivered himself of his legend : THE LEGEND OF DILSBERG CASTLE. It was to this efi'ect. In the old times there was once a great company assembled at the castle, and festivity ran high. Of course there was a haunted chamber in the castle, and LEGEND OF DILSBERG CASTLE. 177 one day the talk fell upon that. It was said that whoever slept in it would not wake again for fifty years. Kow when a young knight named Conrad von Geisberg heard this, he said that if the castle were his he would destroy that cham- ber, so that no foolish person might have the chance to bring so dreadful a misfortune upon himself and afflict such as loved him with the memory of it. Straightway the company privately laid their heads together to contrive some way to get this superstitious young man to sleep in that chamber.. And they succeeded — in this way. They persuaded his be- trothed, a lovely mischievous young creature, niece of the lord of the castle, to help them in their plot. She presently took him aside and had speech with him. She used all her persuasions, but could not shake him ; he said his belief was firm that if he should sleep there he would wake no more for fifty years, and it made him shudder to think of it. Catharina began to weep. This was a better argument ; Conrad could not hold out against it. He yielded and said she should have her wish if she would only smile and be happy again. She flung her arms about his neck, and the kisses she gave him showed that her thankfulness and her pleasure were very real. Then she flew to tell the company her success, and the ap- plause she received made her glad and proud she had under- taken her mission, since all alone she had accomplished what the multitude had failed in. At midnight, that night, after the usual feasting, Conrad was taken to the haunted chamber and left there. He fell asleep, by and by. When be awoke again and looked about him, his heart stood still with horror ! The whole aspect of the chamber was changed. The walls were mouldy and hung with ancient cobwebs; the curtains and beddings were rotten; the furni- ture was rickety and ready to fall to pieces. He sprang out of bed, but his quaking knees sunk under him and he fell to the floor. " This is the weakness of age," he said. 178 THE LOVER'S AWAKENING. He rose and sought his clothing. It was clothing no lon- ger. The colors were gone, the garments gave way in many places while he was put- ting them on. He lied , shuddering, into the corridor, and along it to the great hall. Here he was met by a middle- aged stranger of a k ind countenance, who stop- ped and gazed at him with surprise, Conrad ** SEND HITHER THH LORD ULRICH." Said '. "Good sir, will you send hither the lord Ulrieh?" The stranger looked puzzled a moment, then said, — " The lord Ulrieh ? " " Yes, — if you will be so good." The stranger called, — "Wilhelm I " A young serving man came, and the stranger said to him, — " Is there a lord Ulrieh among the guests ? " " I know none of the name, so please your honor." Conrad said, hesitatingly, — " I did not mean a guest, but the lord of the castle, sir. The stranger and the servant exchanged wondering glan- ces. Then the former said, — " I am the lord of the castle." "Since when, sir?" " Since the death of my father, the good lord Ulrieh, more than forty years ago." Conrad sank upon a bench and covered his face with his hands while he rocked his body to and fro and moaned. The stranger said in a low voice to the servant, — " I fear me this poor old creature is mad. Call some one." In B moment several people came, and grouped themselves about, talking in whispers. Conrad looked up and scanned GONE, ALL GONE. I79 the faces about him wistfully. Then he shook his head and said, in a grieved voice, — " No, there is none among ye that I know. I am old and alone in the world. They are dead and gone these many years that cared for me. But sure, some of these aged ones I see about me can tell me some little word or two concern- ing them." Several bent and tottering men and women came nearer and answered his questions about each former friend as he mentioned the names. This one they said had been dead ten years, that one twenty, another thirty. Each succeeding blow struck heavier and heavier. At last the sufferer said, — " There is one more, but I have not the courage to, — O, my lust Catharina ! " One ecimens from the mine. Old Huss, enthusiastically : " Wake her up, shake her up, HANS SCHMIDT. MEMBERS OF THE COMMON COUNCIL. 213 noble young man, she is yours ! " Wedding takes place on the spot ; book-keeper restored to his office and emoluments ; Paul Hoch led ofi' to jail. The Bonanza king of the Black Forest lives to a good old age, blessed with the love of his wife and of his twenty-seven children, and the still sweeter envy of everybody around. ELECTING A NEW MEMBER. We took our noon meal of fried trout one day at the Plow Inn, in a very pretty village, (Ottenhofen,) and then went into the public room to rest and smoke. There we found' nine or ten Black Forest grandees assembled around a table. They were tlie Common Council of the parish. Thej had gath- ered there at 8 o'clock that morning to elect a new member, and they had now been drinking beer four hours at the new member's expense. They were men of fifty or sixty years of age, with grave good-natured faces,, and were all dressed^ 214 STUDYING NATURAL HISTORY. in the costnme made familiar to us bj the Black Forest sto- ries : broad, round-topped black felt hats with the brims curled up all around ; long red waistcoats with large metal buttons, black alpaca coats with the waists up between the shoulders. There were no speeches, there was but little talk, there were no frivolities; the Council filled themselves gradually, steadi- ly, but surely, with beer, and conducted themselves with sedate decorum, as became men of position, men of influence, men of manure. We had a hot afternoon tramp up the valley, along the grassy bank of a rushing stream of clear water, past farm houses, water mills, and no end of wayside crucifixes and saints and Virgins. These crucifixes, etc., are set up in memory of departed friends by survivors, and are almost as frequent as telegraph poles are in other lands. We followed the carriage road, and had our usual luck : we traveled under a beating sun, and always saw the shade leave the shady places before we could get to them. In all our wanderings we seldom managed to strike a piece of road at its time for being shady. We had a particularly hot time of it on that particular afternoon, and with no comfort but what we could get out of the fact that the peasants at work away up on the steep mountain sides above our heads were even worse ofi" than we were. By and by it became impossible to en- dure the intolerable glare and heat any longer; so we struck across the ravine and entered the deep cool twilight of the forest, to hunt for what the guide book called the "old road." We found an old road, and it proved eventually to be the right one, though we followed it at the time with the convic- tion that it was the wrong one. If it was the wrong one there could be no use in hurrying, therefore we did not hurry, but sat down frequently on the soft moss and enjoyed the restful quiet and shade of the forest solitudes. There had been dis- tractions in the carriage road, — school children, peasants, wag ons, troops of pedestrianizing students from all over Germany, — but we had the old road all to ourselves. THE ANT A FRAUD. 215 Now and then, while we rested, we watched the laborious ant at his work. 1 found nothing new in him, — certainly nothing to change mj opinion of him. It seems to me that in the matter of intellect the ant must be a strangely overra- ted bird. During many summers, now, I have watched him, when I ought to have been in better business, and I have not yet come across a living ant that seemed to have any more sense than a dead one. I refer to the ordinary ant, of course ; 1 have had no experience of those wonderful Swiss and Af- rican ones which vote, keep drilled armies, hold slaves, and dispute about religion. Those particular ants may be all that the naturalist paints them, but 1 am persuaded that the aver- age ant is a sham. I admir. his industry, of course ; he is the hardest working creature in the world, — when anybody is looking, — but his leather-headedness is the point I make against him. He goes out foraging, he makes a capture, and then what does he do ? Go home? No, — he goes anywhere ItiCiiome. Bedoesn't know where home is. Hishomemaybe only three feet away, — no matter, he can't find it. He makes his capture, as I have said ; it is generally something which can be of no sort of use to himself or anybody else ; it is usu- ally seven times bigger than it ought to be ; he hunts out the awkwardest place to take hold of it ; he lifts it bodily up in the air by main force, and starts : not toward home, but in the opposite direction ; not calmly and wisel}^, but with a frantic haste which is wasteful of his strength ; he fetches up agaii-st a pebble, and instead of going around it, he climbs OVERCOMING OBSTACLES. over it backwards dragging his booty after him, tumbles down on the other side, jumps up in a passion, kicks the dust oif his 216 ECCENTRICITIES OF THE ANT. clothes, moistens his hands, grabs his property viciously, yanks it this way then that, shoves it ahead of him a moment, turns tail and lugs it after him another moment, gets mad- der and madder, then presently hoists it into the air and goes tearing away in an entirely new direction ; comes to a weed ; it never occurs to him to go around it ; no, he must climb it ; and he does climb it, dragging his worthless property to the top — which is as bright a thing to do as it would be for me to carry a sack of flour from Heidelberg to Paris by way of Strasburg steeple ; when he '^ets up there he finds that that is not the place ; takes a cursory glance at the scenery and either climbs down again or tumbles down, and starts off once more — as usual, in a new direction. At the end of half an hour, he fetches up within six inches of the place he started from and lays his burden down ; meantime he has been over all the ground for two yards around, and climbed all the weeds and pebbles he came across. Now he wipes the sweat from his brow, strokes his limbs, and then marches aimlessly off", in as violent a hurry as ever. He traverses a good deal of zig-zag country, and by and by stumbles on his same booty again. He does not remember to have ever seen it before; he looks around to see which is not the way home, grabs his bundle and starts ; he goes through the same adventures he had before ; finally stops to rest, and a friend comes along. Evidently the friend remarks that a last year's grasshopper leg is a very noble acquisition, and'inquires where he got it. Evidently the proprietor does not remember exactly where he did get it, but thinks lie got it " around here somewhere." Evidently the friend contracts to help him freight it home. A FIGHT BETWEEN FRIENDS. 217 Then, with a judgment peculiarly antic, (pnn not intention- al,) tliej take hold of opposite ends of that grasshopper leg and beo-in to tug with all their miglit in opposite directions. Pres- ently they take a rest and confer together. They decide that something is wrong, they can't make out what. Then they 2:0 at it acrain, iust as before. Same result. Mutual recrimi- nations foUow. Evidently each accuses the other of being an obstructionist. They warm up, and the dispute ends in a fight. They lock themselves together and chew each other's jaws for a while : then they roll and tumble on the ground till one loses a horn or a leg and has to haul off for repairs. They make up and go to work again in the same old insane way, but the crippled ant is at a disadvantage ; tug as he may, the other one drags off the booty and him at the end of it. Instead of giving up, he hangs on, and gets his shins bruised against every obstruction tliat comes in the way. By and by, when that grasshopper leg has l^een dragged all over the same old ground once more, it is finally dumped at about the spot where it originally lay, the two perspiring ants inspect it thoughtfully and decide that dried grasshopper legs are a poor sort of property after all, and then each starts off in a different direction to see if he can't find an old nail or some- thing else that is heavy enough to afford entertainment and at the same time valueness enough to make an ant want to own it. There in the Black Forest, on the mountain side, I saw an ant go through with such a performance as this with a dead spider of fully ten times his own weight. The spider was not quite dead, but too far gone to resist. He had a round body the size of a pea. The little ant — observing that I was noticing — turned him on his back, sunk his fangs into his throat, lifted him into the air and started vigorously off with him, stumbling over little pebbles, stepping on the spider's legs and tripping himself up, dragging liim backwards, shov- ing him bodily ahead, dragging him up stones six inches high instead of going around them, climbing weeds twenty times 218 DECEIT AND IGNORANCE OF THE ANT. his own height and jumping from their summits, — and finally leaving him in the middle of the road to be confiscated by any other fool of an ant that wanted him. I measured the ground which this ass traversed, and arrived at the conclu- sion that what he had accomplished inside of twenty minutes would constitute some such job as this, — relatively speaking, — for a man ; to-wit : to strap two eight-hundred pound horses together, carry them eighteen hundred feet, mainly PKOSPECTING. over (not around) bowlders averaging six feet high, and in the course of the journey climb up and jump from the top of one precipice like Niagara, and three steeples, each a hun- dred and twenty feet high ; and tlien put the horses down, in an exposed place, without anybody to watch them, and go off to indulge in some other idiotic miracle for vanity's sake. Science has recently discovered that the ant does not lay up anything for winter use. This will knock him out of lit- erature, to some extent. He does not work, except when people are looking, and only then when the observer has a green, naturalistic look, and seems to be taking notes. This amounts to deception, and will injure him for the Sunday schools. He has not judgment enough to know what is good to eat from what isn't. This amounts to ignorance, and will impair the world's respect for him. He cannot stroll around a stump and find his way home again. This amounts to A GEKMAN LISIl. 219 idiotcj, and once the damaging fact is established, thought- ful people will cease to look up to him, the sentimental will cease to fondle hira. His vaunted industry is but a vanity and of no effect, since he never gets home witli anything he starts with. This disposes of the last remnant of his reputa- tion and wholly destroys his main usefulness as a moral agent, since it will make the sluggard hesitate to go to him any more. It is strange beyond comprehension, that so manifest a hum- bug as the ant has been able to fool so many nations and keep it up so many ages without being found out. The ant is strong, but we saw another strong thing, where we had not suspected the presence of much muscular power before. A toadstool — that vegetable whicli spi-ings to full growth in a single night — had torn loose and lifted a matted mass of pine needles and dirt of twice its own bulk into the air, and supported it there, like a column supporting a shed. Ten thousand toadstools, with tlie right purchase, could lift a man, I suppose. But what good would it do? All our afternoon's progress had been up hill. About five or half past we reached the summit, and all of a sudden the dense curtain of the forest parted and we looked down into a deep and beautiful goi'ge and out over a wide panorama of wooded mountains with their summits shining in the sun and their glade-furrowed sides dimmed with purple shade. The gorge under our feet — called Allerheiligen, — afforded room in the grassy level at its head for a cosy and delightful human nest, shut away from the world and its botherations, and consequently the monks of the old times had not failed to spy it out ; and here were the brown and comely ruins ol their church and convent to prove that priests had as fine an instinct seven hundred years ago in ferreting out the choicest nooks and corners in a land as priests have to-day. A big hotel crowds the ruins a little, now, and drives a brisk trade with summer tourists. We descended into the gorge and had a supper which would have been very satis- factory if the trout had not been boiled. The Germans are 220 BOILED ORANGES. pretty sure to boil a trout or anything else if left to their own devices. This is an argument of some value in support of the theory that they were the original colonists of the wild islands off the coast of Scotland. A schooner laden with oranges was wrecked upon one of those islands a few years ago, and the gentle savages rendered the captain such willing assistance that he gave them as many oranges as they wanted. Next day he asked them how they liked them. They shook their heads and said, — " Baked, they were tough ; and even boiled, they warn't things for a hungry man to hanker after." We went down the glen after supper. It is beautiful, — a mixture of sylvan loveliness and craggy wildness. A limpid torrent goes whistling down the glen, and toward tlie foot of it winds through a narrow cleft between lofty precipices and hurls itself over a succession of falls. After one passes the last of these he has a backward glimpse at the falls which is very pleasing, — they rise in a seven-stepped stairway of foamy and glittering cascades, and make a picture which is as charmino; as it is unusual. CHAPTEK XXIII. WE were satisfied that we could walk to Oppenau in one day, now that we were in practice ; so we set out next morning after breakfast determined to do it. It was all the way down hill, and we had the loveliest summer weather for it. So we set the pedometer and then stretched away on an easy, regular stride, down through the cloven forest, drawing in the fragrant breath of the morning in deep refreshing draughts, and wishing we might never have anything to do forever but walk to Oppenau and keep on doing it and then doing it over again. Now the true charm of pedestrianism does not lie in the walking, or in the scenery, but in the talking. The walking is good to time the movement of the tongue by, and to keep the blood and the brain stirred up and active; the scenery and the woodsy smells are good to bear in upon a man an unconscious and unobtrusive charm and solace to eye and Boul and sense ; but the supreme pleasure comes from the talk. It is no matter whether one talks wisdom or nonsense, the case is the same, the bulk of the enjoyment lies in the wagging uf the gladsome jaw and the flapping of the sympa- thetic ear. And what a motley variety of subjects a couple of people will casually rake over in the course of a day's tramp ! There being no constraint, a change of subject is always in order, 221 222 TEAMPING AND TALKIJSG. and so a body is not likely to keep pegging at a single topic until it grows tiresome. We discussed everything we knew, during the first fifteen or twenty minutes, that morning, and then branched out into the glad, free, boundless realm of the things we were not certain about. Harris said that if the best writer in the world once got the slovenly habit of doubling up his "have's" he could never get rid of it while he lived. That is to say, if a man gets the habit of saying "I should have liked to have known more about -it" instead of saying simply and sensibly, "I should have liked to know more about it," that man's disease is inculpable. Harris said that this sort of lapse is to be found in every copy of every newspaper that has ever been printed in English, and in almost all of our books. He said he had observed it in Kirkham's grammar and in Macaulay. Harris believed that milk-teeth are commoner in men's mouths than those " doubled-up have's."* That changed the subject to dentistry. I said I believed the avera^^e man dreaded tooth-pulling more than amputa- tion, and that he would yell quicker under the former opera- tion than ne would under the latter. The philosoj^her Har- ris said that the average man would not yell in either case if he had an audience. Then he continued : "AVlien our brigade first went into camp on the Potomac, we uped to be brought up standing, occasionally, by an ear- splitting howl of anguish. That meant that a soldier was get- ting a tooth pulled in a tent. But the surgeons soon changed that ; tliey instituted open-air dentistry. There never was a howl afterwards, — that is, from the man who was having the tooth pulled. At the daily dental hour there would always be about five hundred soldiers gathered together in the neigh- * I do not know that there have not been moments in the course of the present session when I should have been very glad to have accepted the proposal of my noble friend, and to have exchanged parts in some of o«r evenings of work. — [From a Speech of the English Chancellor of the Exchequer, August, 1S79. DENTISTRY IN CAMP. 223 borbood of tbat dental cbair waiting to see tbe performance, — and belp ; and tbe moment the surgeon took a grip on tbe candidate's tootb and began to lift, every one of tbose five bundred rascals would clap bis band to bis jaw and begin to hop around on one leg and bowl with all tbe lungs be bad ! GENERAL HOWL. It was enough to raise your hair to bear tbat variegated and" enormous unanimous caterwaul burst out ! With so big and so derisive an audience as tbat, a sufferer wouldn't emit a. sound though you pulled his bead off. Tbe surgeons said that pretty often a patient was compelled to laugh, in the- midst of bis pangs, but tbat they bad never caught one cry- ing out, after the open-air exhibition was instituted," Dental surgeons suggested doctors, doctors suggested death, death suggested sKeletons, — and so, by a logical process the conversation melted out of one of these subjects and into the next, until the topic of skeletons raised up Nicodemus Dodge- 14 224 NICODEMUS DODGE. out of the deep grave in my memory wliere he had lain bur- ied and forgotten for twenty-five years. When I was a boy in a printing oflSce in Missouri, a loose-jointed, long-legged, tow-headed, jeans-clad, countrified cub of about sixteen loung- ed in one day, and without removing his hands from the depths of his trowsers pockets or taking off his faded ruin of a slouch hat, whose broken brim hung limp and ragged about SEEKING A SITUATION. his eyes and ears like a bng-eaten cabbage leaf, stared indif- ferently around, then leaned his hip against the editor's table, crossed his mighty brogans, aimed at a distant fly from a crev- ice in his upper teeth, laid him low, and s;iid M-ith composure, " Wharfs the boss ? " " I am the boss," said the editor, following this curious bit of architecture wonderingly along up to its clock-face with his eye. "Don't M-ant anybody fur to learn ths business, 't ain't likely?" " Weli^ I don't know. Would you like to learn it? " NICODEMUS EXAMINED. 225 " Pap's so po ' he cain't run me no mo,' so I want to git a show somers if I kin, ' tain't no diffunce what, — 1' m strong and hearty, and I don't turn my back on no kind of work, hard nur soft." "Do you think you would like to learn the printing busi- ness?" " Well, I don't re'ly k'yer a dnrn what I do learn, so's I git a chance fur to make my way. I'd jist as soon, learn print'n 's anything." " Can you read ?" " Yes,— middlin'." " Write ? " " Well, I've seed people could lay over me thar." "Cipher?" " Not good enough to keep store, I don't reckon, but up as fur as twelve-tiuies-twelve I ain't no slouch. ' Tother side of that is what gits me." " Where is your home ? " "I'mfm old Shelby." " What's your father's religious denomination ? " " Him ? O, he's a blacksmith." " No, no, — I don't mean his trade. What's his religious denomination ? " " 0^ — I didn't understand you befo'. He's a Freemason." "No-no, you don't get my meaning yet. What I mean is, does he belong to any church % " '''■ N<^w you're talkin' ! Couldn't make out what you was a tryin' to git through yo' head no way. B'long to a church! Whj^ boss he's ben the pizenest kind of a Free-will Babtis' for forty year. They ain't no pizener ones 'n' what he is. Mighty good man, pap is. Everybody says that. If they said any difFrunt they wouldn't say it whar / wuz, — not muci they wouldn't." "What is your own religion ? " "Well, boss, you've kind o' got me, thar, — and yit you hain't got me so mighty much, nuther. I think 't if a feller 226 NICODEMUS AS AN APPRENTICE. lie'ps another feller when he's in trouble, and don't cuss, and don't do no mean things, nur noth'n' he ain' no business to do, and don't spell the Savior's name with a little g, he ain't runnin' no i*esks, — he's about as saift as if he b'longed to a church." " But suppose he did spell it with a little g, — what then? " " Well, if he done it a-purpose, I reckon he wouldn't stand no chance, — he oughtnH to have no chance, anyway, I'm most rotten certain 'bout that." " What is your name ? " "]N"ic()demus Dodge." " I think maybe you'll do, l^icodemus. We'll give you a trial, anyway." " All right." " When would you like to begin ? " "^ow." So, within ten minutes after we had first glimpsed this nondescript he was one of us, and with his coat off and hard at it. Eeyond that end of our establishment which was furthest from the street, was a deserted garden, pathless, and thickly grown with the bloomy and villainous " jimpson " weed and its common friend the stately sunflower. In the midst of this mournful spot was a decayed and aged little "frame" house with but one room, one window, and no ceiling, — it had been a smoke-house a generation before. Nicodemus was given this lonely and ghostly den as a bed chamber. The village smarties recognized a treasure in Nicodemus, right away, — a butt to play jokes on. It was easy to see that lie was inconceivably green and confiding. George Jones had the gU^ry of perpetrating the first joke on him ; he gave him a cigar with a fire-cracker in it and Mdnked to the crowd to come ; the thing exploded presently and swept away the bulk of Nicodemus's eyebrows and eyelashes. He simply said, — " I consider them kind of seeg'yars dangersome," — and "A BUTT TO PLAY JOKES ON." 227 seemed to suspect nothing. The next evening Nicodemiis waylaid George and poured a bucket of ice-water over him. One day, while ^'icodemus was in swimming, Tom McEl- roy " tied " his clothes. !Nicodemus made a bonfire of Tom's, by way of retaliation. A third joke was played upon Nicodemus, a day or two later, — he walked up the middle aisle of the village church, Sunday night, with a staring hand-bill pinned between Lis shoulders. The joker spent the remaiuder of the night, after STANDING GUARD. church, in the cellar of a deserted house, and Nicodemus sat on the cellar door till toward breakfast time to make sure that the prisoner remembered that if any noise was made, some rough treatment would be the consequence. The cellar 228 JIMMY FINN'S SKELETON. had two feet of stagnant water in it, and was bottomed with six inches of soft mud. But I wander from the point. It was the subject of s]:ele- tons that brought this boy back to m}^ recollection. Before a very long time had elapsed, the village smarties began to feel an uncomfortable consciousness of not having made a very shilling success out of their attempts on the simpleton from "old Shelby." Experimenters grew scarce and chary, JS'ow the young doctor came to the rescue. There was delight and applause when he proposed to scare Nicodemus to death, and explained how he was going to do it. He had a noble new skeleton, — the skeleton of the late and only local celeb- rity, Jimmy Finn, the village drunkard, — a grisly piece ot property which he had bouglit of Timrnv Finn himself, at auction, for fifty dollars, under great competition, when Jimmy lay very sick in the tan-yard a fortnight before his death. The fifty dollars had gone promptly for whisky and had considerably hurried up the change of ownership in the skeleton. The doctor would put Jimmy Finn's skeleton in Nicodemus's bed ! • This was done, — about half past ten in the even- ing. About Nicodemus's usual bedtime, — midnight, — the village jokers came creeping stealthily through the jimpson weeds and sunflowers toward the lone- ly frame den. They reached the window and peeped in. There sat the long-legged pauper, on his bed, in a very short shirt, and nothing more; he was dangling his legs content- edly back and forth, and wheezing the music of " Caraptown RESULT OF A JOKE. A RAPID DESCENT. 229 Eaces" oat of a paper-overlaid comb which he was pressing against his inouth; by him lay a new jewsharp, a new top, a solid india-rubber ball, a handtul of painted marbles, live pounds of " store " caudj, and a well-gnawed slab of ginger- bread as big and as thick as a volume of sheet music. He had sold the skeleton to a traveling quack for three dollars and was enjoying the result ! Just as we had finished talking about skeletons and were drifting into the subject of fossils, Harris and I heard a shout, and glanced up the steep hillside. We saw men and women standing away up there looking frightened, and there was a bulky object tumbling and floundering down the steep slope toward us. We v .. >/.^ ^- '\'^ - got out of the way, and |^ "^IpS^ %^ when the object landed \»^ ?V?-L ?*1lMfel^^>^^^ . in the road it proved to IC?^'S^'' DESCENDING A. FARM. be a boy. He had trip.^^- 1 ^^^^^^1^% %fe,; ped and fallen, and there W?^ was nothing for him to '^'^^ '^ ''^\^ do b:it trust to luck and take what ^' might come. When one starts to roll down a place like that, there is no stopping till the bottom is reached. Think of people /"(XT-mm^ on a slant which is so steep that the best you can say of it,— if you want to be fastidiously accurate, — is, that it is a little steeper than a ladder and not quite so steep as a mansard roof. But that is what they do. Some of the little farms on the hillside opposite Heidelberg were stood up " edgeways." The boy was wonderfully jolted up, and his head was bleeding, from cuts which it had got from small stones on the way. Harris and I gathered him up and set him on a stone, and by that time the men and women had scampered down and brought his cap. Men, women and children flocked out from neighboring 230 UNEXPECTED NOTORIETY. cottages and joined the crowd ; the pale boy was petted, and stared at, and commiserated, and water was brought for him to driuk, and bathe his braizes in. And such another clatter of tongues ! All who had seen the catastrophe were describ- ing It at once, and each trying to talk louder than his neigh- bor; and one youth of a superior genius ran a little way up the hill, called attention, tripped, fell, rolled down among us, and thus triumphantly showed exactly how the thing had been done. Harris and I were included in all the descriptions : how we were coming along ; how Hans Gross shouted ; how we look- ed up startled ; how we saw Peter coming like a cannon-shot ; how judiciously we got out of the way, and let him come; and with what presence of mind we picked him up and brush- ed him off and set him on a rock when the performance was over. We were as much heroes as anybody else, except Peter, and were so recognized ; we were taken with Peter and the populace to Peter's mother's cottage, and there we ate bread and cheese, and drank milk and beer with everybody, and had a most sociable good time; and when we left we had a hand-shake all around, and were receiving and shouting back LeV wohVs until a turn in the road separated us from our cordial and kindly new friends forever. We accomplished our undertaking. At half past 8 in the evening we stepped into Oppenau, just eleven hours and a half out from Allerheiligen, — 146 miles. This is the distance by pedometer; the guide-book and the Imperial Ordnance maps make it only ten and a quarter, — a surprising blunder, for these two authorities are usually singularly accurate in the matter of distances. CHAPTER XXIV. THAT was a thoroughly satisfactory walk, — and the only one we were ever to have which was all the way down hill. We took the train next morning and returned to Baden-Baden through fearful fogs of dust. Every seat was crowded, too ; for it was Sunday, and consequently every- body was taking a " pleasure " excursion. Hot ! the sky was an oven, — and a sound one, too, with no cracks in it to let in any air. An odd time for a pleasure excursion, certainly. Sunday is the great day, on the continent, — the free day, the happy day. One can break the Sabbath in a hundred ways without committing anj sin. We do not work on Sunday, because the commandment forbids it ; the Germans do not work on Sunday, because the commandment forbids it. We rest on Sunday, because the commandment requires it ; the Germans rest on Sunday, be- cause the commandment requires it. But in the definition of the word " rest" lies all the difference. With us, its Sunday meaning is, stay in the house and keep still ; with the Ger- mans its Sunday and week-day meanings seems to be the sam3, — rest the tired part, and never mind the other parts of the frame ; rest the tired part, and use the means best calcu- lated to rest that particular part. Thus : If one's duties have kept him in the house all the week, it will rest him to be out on Sunday ; if his duties have required him to read weighty 231 232 A GERMAN SABBATH. KKKPING SUNDAT- aiid serious matter all the week, it will rest him to read li^ht matter on Suiiday ; if his occupation has busied him with death and funerals all the week, it will rest him to go to the theatre Sunday night and put in two or three hours laughing at a comedy ; if he is tired with digging ditches or felling trees all the week, it will rest him to lie quiet in the house on Sunday ; if the hand, the arm, the brain, the tongue, or any other member, is fatigued with in- anition, it is not to be rested by adding a day's inanition ; but if a member is fatigued with exertion, inanition is the right rest for it. Snch is the way in w4iich the Gernsans seem to define the word " rest ; " that is to say, they rest a member by recreating, recuperating, restoring its forces. But our definition is less broad. "We all rest alike on Sun- day, — by secluding onrselves and keeping still, whether that is the surest way to rest the most of us or not. The Germans make tl)e actors, the preachers, etc., work on Sunday. We encourage the preachers, the editors, the printers, etc., to work on Sunday, and imagine that none of the sin of it falls upon us; but I do not know how we are going to get around the fact that if it is wrong for the printer to work at his trade on Sunday it must be equally wrong for the preacher to M'ork at his, since the commandment has made no exception in his favor. We buy Monday morning's paper and read it, and thus encourage Sunday-printing. But I shall never do it again. The Germans remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy, by abstaining from work, as commanded ; we keep it holy by AN OBJECT OF SYMPATHY. 233 abstaining from work, as commanded; and by also abstaining from play, which is not commanded. Perhaps we construct- ively break the command to rest, because the resting we do is in most cases only a name, and not a fact. These reasonings have sufficed, in a measure, to mend the rent in my conscience which I made by traveling to Baden- Baden that Sunday. We arrived in time to furbish up and get to the Etiglish church before services began. We arrived in considerable style, too, for the landlord had ordered the first carriage that could be found, since there was no time to lose, and our coachman was so splendidly liveried that we were probably mistaken for a brace of stray dukes ; else why were we honored with a pew all to ourselves, away up among the very elect at the left of the chancel ? That was my first thought. In the pew directly in front of us sat an elderly lady, plainly and cheaply dressed ; at her side sat a young lady with a very sweet face, and she also was quite simply dressed ; but around us and about us were clothes and jewels which it would do anybody's heart good to worship in. I thought it was pretty manifest that the elderly lady was embarrassed at finding herself in such a conspicuous place ar- rayed in such cheap apparel ; I began to feel sorry for her and troubled about her. She tried to seem very busy with her prayer book and her responses, and unconscious that she was out of place, but I said to myself, " She is not succeeding, — there is a distressed tremulousness in her voice which be- trays increasing embarrassment." Presently the Saviors name was mentioned, and in her flurry she lost her head com- pletely, and rose and curtsied, instead of making a slight nod as everybody else did. The sympathetic blood surged to my temples and I turned and gave those fine birds what I intend- ed to be a beseeching look, but my feelings got the better of me and changed it into a look which said, " If any of you pets of fortune laugh at this poor soul, you will deserve to be flayed for it." Things went from bad to worse, and I shortly found myself mentally taking the unfriended lady under my 234 ROYALTY AT CHURCH. protection. My mind was wholly upon lier, I forgot all about the sermon. Her embarrassment took stronger and stronger AN OBJECT OF SYMPATHY. hold npon her ; she got to snapping the lid of her smelling bottle, — it made a lond sharp sound, but in her trouble she snapped and snapped away, unconscious of what she was do- ing. The last extremity was reached when the collection- plate began its rounds ; the moderate people threw in pennies, the nobles and the rich contributed silver, but she laid a twenty-mark gold piece upon the book-rest before her with a sounding slap ! I said to myself, " She has parted with all her little hoard to buy the consideration of these unpitying people, — it is a sorrowful spectacle." I did not venture to look around this time ; but as the service closed, I said to my- self, " Let them laugh, it is their opportunity ; but at the door of this church they shall see her step into our fine carriage with us, and our gaudy coachman shall drive her home." Then she rose, — and all the congreo^ation stood while she PUBLIC GEOUKDS COKCERT. 235 walked down the aisle. She was the Empress of Germanj ! No, — she had not been so much embarrassed as I had sup- posed. My imagination had got started on the wrong scent, and that is always hopeless; one is sure, then, to go straight on misinterpreting everything, clear through to the end. The young lady with her imperial Majesty was a maid of honor, — and I had been taking her for one of her boarders, all the time. This is the only time I have ever had an Empress under my personal protection ; and considering my inexperience, I wonder I got through with it so well. I should have been a little embarrassed myself if I had known earlier what sort of a contract I had on my hands. We found that the Empress had been in Baden-Baden sev- eral da_ys. It is said that she never attends any but the Eng- lish form of chnrch service. I lay abed and read and rested from my journey's fatigues the remainder of that Sunday, but I sent my agent to repre- sent me at the afternoon^ervice, for I never allow anything to interfere with my habit of attending church twice every Sunday. There was a vast crowd in the public grounds tbat night to hear the band play the " Fremersberg." This piece tells one of the old legends of the region: how a great noble of the Middle Ages got lost in the mountains, and wandered about with his dogs in a violent storm, until at last the faint tones of a monastery bell, calling the monks to a midnight service, caught his ear, and he followed the direction the sounds came from and was saved. A beautiful air ran through the music, without ceasing ; sometimes loud and strong, some- times so soft that it could hardly be distinguished, — but it was always there ; it swung grandly along through the shrill whistling of the storm-wind, the rattling patter of the rain, and the boom and crash of the thunder ; it wound soft and low through the lesser sounds, the distant ones, such as the throbbing of the convent bell, the melodious winding of the ii36 POWER OF MUSIC. hunter's horn, the distressed hayings of his dogs, and the solemn chanting of the monks ; it rose again, with a jubilant ring, and mingled itself with the country songs and dances of the peasants assembled in the convent hall to cheer up the rescued huntsman while he ate his supper. The instruments imitated all these sounds with a marvelous exactness. More than one man started to raise his umbrella when the storm burst forth and the sheets of mimic rain came driving by ; it was hardly possible to keep from putting your hand to your hat wlien the fierce wind began to rage and shriek ; and it A NON-CLASSICAL STTLB.' was not possible to refrain from starting when those sudden and charmingly real thundercrashes were let loose. I suppose the Fremersberg is very low-grade music; I GRADES OF MUSIC. 237 know, indeed, that it must be low-grade music, because it so delighted me, warmed me, moved me, stirred me, uplifted uie, enraptured me, that I was full of crj all the time, and mad with enthusiasm. M.j soul had never had such a scouring out since I was born. The solemn and majestic chanting of the monks was not done by instruments, but by men's voices ; and it rose and fell, and rose again in that rich confusion of war- ring sounds, and pulsing bells, and the stately swing of that ever-present enchanting air, and it seemed to me that nothing but the very lowest of low-grade music could be so divinely beautiful. Tlie great crowd which the Fremersberg had call- ed out was another evidence that it was low-grade music ; for only the few are educated up to a point where high-grade music gives pleasure. I have never heard enough classic music to be able to enjoy it. I dislike the opera because I want to love it and can't. I suppose there are two kinds of music, — one kind which one feels, just as an oyster might, and another sort which requires a higher faculty, a faculty which must be assisted and developed by teaching. Yet if base music gives certain of us wings, why should we want any other ? But we do. "We want it because the higher and better like it. But we want it without giving it the necessary time and trouble ; so we climb into that upper tier, that dress circle, by a lie : we pretend we like it. 1 know several of that sort of people, — and I propose to be one of them myself when I get home with my fine European education. And then there is painting. What a red rag is to a bull. Turner's " Slave Ship " was to me, before I studied Art. Mr. Eruskin is educated in art up to a point where that picture throws him into as mad an ecstacy of pleasure as it used to throw me into one of rage, last year, when I was ignorant. His cultivation enables him, — and me, now, — to see water in that glaring yellow mud, and natural eflPects in those lurid ex- plosions of mixed smoke and flame, and crimson sunset glo' ries ; it reconciles him, — and m.e, now, — to the floating of 238 HIRING A COURIER. iron cable-chains and other unfloatable things; it reconciles us to fishes swimming around on top of the mud, — I mean the water. The most of the picture is a manife.-t impossibil- ity, — that is to say, a lie ; and only rigid cultivation can ena- ble a man to find truth in a lie. But it enabled Mr. Ruskin to do it, and it has enabled me to do it, and I am thankful for it. A Boston newspaper reporter went and took a look at the Slave Ship floundering about in that fierce conflagration of reds and yellows, and said it reminded him of a tortoise- shell cat having a fit in a platter of tomatoes. In my then uneducated state, that went home to my non-cultivation, and I thought here is a man with an unobstructed eye. Mr. Rus- kin would have said : This person is an ass. That is what I would say, now.* However, our business in Baden-Baden this time, was to join our courier. I had thought it best to hire one, as we should be in Italy, by and by, and we did not know that lan- guage. Neither did he. We found him at the hotel, ready to take charge of us. I asked him if he was " all fixed." He ".aid he was. That was very true. He had a trunk, two small yjatchels, and an umbrella. I was to pay him $55 a month and railway fares. On the continent the railway fare on a trunk is about the same it is on a man. Couriers do not have to pay any board and lodging. This seems a great saving to the tourist, — at first. It does not occur to the tourist that somebody pays that man's board and lodging. It occurs to him by and by, however, in one of his lucid moments. *Months after this was wrilten, I happened into the National Gallery in London, and soon became so fascinated with the Turner pictures that I could hardly get away from the place. T went there often, afterward, meaning to seethe rest of the gallery, but the Turner spell was too strong; it could not be shaken off. However, the Turners which attracted me most did not re- mind me of the Slave Ship. -» ^^ -iS, \ i: d IIP ' if J < 'I ,i'' m f-fS ill CHAPTEK XXV. "VTEXT morning we left in the train for Switzerland, and -Ll reached Lucerne about ten o'clock at night. The first discovery I made was that the beauty of the lake had not been exaggerated. Within a day or two I made another dis- covery. This was, that the lauded chamois is not a wild goat ; that it is not a horned animal ; that it is not shy ; that it does not avoid human society ; and that there is no peril in hunting it. The chamois is a black or brown creature no bigger than a mustard seed ; you do not have to go after it, it comes after you ; it arrives in vast herds and skips and scampers all over your body, inside your clothes; thus it is not shy, but ex- tremely sociable ; it is not afraid of man, on the contrary it will attack him ; its bite is not dangerous, but neither is it pleasant; its activity has not been overstated, — if you try to put your finger on it, it will skip a thousand times its own length at one jump, and no eye is sharp enough to see where it lights. A great deal of romantic nonsense has been writ- ten about the Swiss chamois and the perils of hunting it,, whereas the truth is that even women and children hunt it, and fearlessly; indeed, everybody hunts it; the hunting is going on all the time, day and night, in bed and out of it. It is poetic foolishness to hunt it with a gun ; very few people do that; there is not one man in a million who can hit it with a gun. It is much easier to catch it than, it is toshoot it, and. 15 241 242 CHAMOIS HUNTING. only the experienced cliarnois hunter can do either. Another common piece of exaggeration is that about the'' scarcity " of the chamois. It is the reverse of scarce. Droves of 100,- 000,000 chamois are not unusual in the Swiss hotels. Indeed they are so numerous as to be a great pest. The romancers always dress up the chamois hunter, in a fanciful and pict- uresque costume, whereas the best way to hunt this game is to do it without any costume at all. The article of commerce HTTNTING CHAMOIS— THE TRUE WAT. called chamois-skin is another fraud ; nobody could skin a chamois, it is too small. The creature is a humbug in every way, and everything which has been written about it is sen- timental exaggeration. It was no pleasure to me to find the chamois out, for he had been one of my pet illusions ; all my life it had been m}^ dream to see him in his native wilds some day, and engage in the adventurous sport of chasing him from cliff to cliff. It is no pleasure to me to expose him, now, and destroy the reader's delight in him and respect for him, but still it must be done, for when an honest writer discovers an imposition it is his simple duty to strip it bare and hurl it down from its place of honor, no matter who suf- fers by it ; any other course would render him unworthy of the public confidence. HUNTING CHAMOIS (AS KKPOKTfiD ). BEAUTIES OF LUCERNE. 245 Lucerne is a charming place. It begins at the water's edge, ■with a fringe of hotels, and scrambles up and spreads itself over two or three sharp hills in a crowded, disorderly, but picturesque way, offering to the eye a heaped-np confusion of red roofs, quaint gables, dormer windows, toothpick stee- ples, with here and there a bit of ancient embattled wall bend- ing itself over the ridges, worm-fashion, and here and there an old square tower of heavy masonry. And also here and there a town clock with only one hand, — a hand which stretch- es straight across the dial and has no joint in it ; such a clock helps out the picture, but you cannot tell the time of day by it. Between the curving line of hotels and the lake is a broad avenue with lamps and a double rank of low shade trees. The lake front is walled witli masonry like a pier, and has a rail- ing, to keep people from walking overboard. All day long the vehicles dash along the avenue, and nurses, children and tourists sit in the shade of the trees, or lean on the railing and watch the schools of fishes darting about in the clear wa- ter or gaze out over the lake at the stately border of snow- hooded mountain peaks. Little pleasure-steamers, black with people, are coming and going all the time ; and everywhere one sees young girls and young men paddling about in fanci- ful row-boats, or skimming along by the help of sails when there is any wind. The front rooms of the hotels have little railed balconies, where one may take his private luncheon in calm cool comfort and look down upon this busy and pretty scene and enjoy it without having to do any of the work con- nected with it. Most of the people, both male and female, are in walking costume, and carry alpenstocks. Evidently it is not consid- ered safe to go about in Switzerland, even in town, without an alpenstock. If the tourist forgets, and comes down to breakfast without his alpenstock, he goes back and gets it, and stands it up in the corner. "When his touring in Swit- zerland is finished, he does not throw that broomstick away, but lugs it home with him, to the far corners of the earth, 246 THE ALPENSTOCK. although this costs him more trouble and bother than a baby or a courier could. You see, the alpenstock is his trophy ; his name is burned upon it ; and if he has climbed a hill, or jumped a brook, or traversed a brickyard with it, he has the names of those places burned upon it, too. Thus it is his regimental flag, so to speak, and bears the record of his achieve- ments. It is worth three francs when he buys it, but a bo- nanza could not purchase it after his great deeds have been inscribed upon it. There are artisans all about Switzerland MARKING ALPENSTOCKS. whose trade it is to burn these things upon the alpenstock of the tourist. And observe, a man is respected in Switzerland according to his alpenstock. I found I could get no attention there, while I carried an unbranded one. However, brand- ing is not expensive, so I soon remedied that. The effect upon the next detachment of tourists was very marked. I felt repaid for my trouble. GUESSING AT NAT10^'ALiTlES. 2i7 Half of the summer horde in Switzerland is made up of Englisli people ; the other half is made up of many nationali- ties, the Germans leading and the Americans coming next. The Americans were not as numerous as 1 had expected they would be. The 7.30 table d'hote at the great Schweitzerhof furnished a mighty array and variety of nationalities, but it offered a better opportunity to observe costumes than people, for the multitude sat at immensely long tables, and therefore the faces were mainly seen in perspective ; but the breakfasts were served at small round tables, and then if one had the fortune to get a table in the midst of the assemblage he could have as many faces to study as he could desire. "We used to try to guess out the nationalities, and generally succeeded tolerably well. Sometimes we tried to guess people's names ; but that was a failure ; that is a thing which probably requires a good deal of practice. "We presently dropped it and gave our efforts to less difficult partic- ulars. One morning I said, — " There is an American party." Harris said, — " Yes, — but name the State." I named one State, Harris named another. "We agreed up- on one thing, however, — that the young girl with the party was very beautiful, and very tasteful- ly dressed. But we disagreed as to her age. I said she was eight- een, Harris said she was twenty. waxed warm and I finally said, with a pretense of being in earnest. — ""Well, there is one way to settle the matter, — I will go and ask her." Harris said, sarcastically, " Certainly, that is the thing to IS SHE EIGHTEEN OR TW-EKTT? The dispute between us 248 AN UNEXPECTED ACQUAINTANCE. do. All you need to do is to use the common formula over here : go and say, ' I'm an American 1 ' Of course she will be glad to see you." Then he hinted that perhaps there was no great danger of my venturing to speak to her. I said, " I was only talking, — I didn't intend to approach her, but I see that you do not know what an intrepid person 1 am. I am not afraid of any woman that walks. I will go and speak to this young girl." The thing I had in my mind was not difficult. I meant to address her in the most respectful way and ask her to pardon me if her strong resemblance to a former acquaintance of mine was deceiving me; and when she should reply that the name I mentioned was not the name she bore, I meant to beg pardon again, most respectfully, and retire. There would be no harm done. I walked to her table, bowed to the gentle- man, then turned to her and was about to begin my little speech when she exclaimed, — " I knew I wasn't mistaken, — I told John it was you ! John said it probably wasn't, but I knew I was right. I said you would recognize me presently and come over ; and I'm glad you did, for I shouldn't have felt much flattered if you had gone out of this room without recognizing me. Sit down, sit (Jown, — how odd it is, — you are the last person I was ever expecting to see again." This was a stupefying surprise. It took my wits clear away, for an instant. However, we shook hands cordially all around, and I sat down. But truly this was the tightest place I ever was in. I seemed to vaguely remember the girl's face, now, but I had no idea where I had seen it before, or what name belonged with it. I immediately tried to get up a di- version about Swiss scenery,.to keep her from launching into topics that might betray that I did not know her, but it was of no use, she went right along upon matters which interested her more : " O dear, what a night that was, when the sea washed the forward boats away, — do you remember it ? " GETTING MIXED UP. 241? " O, donH I ! " said I,— but I didn't. I wished the sea had washed the rudder and the smoke-stack and the captain away, — then I could have located this questioner. " And don't you remember how frightened poor Mary was, and how she cried ? " " Indeed I do ! " said T. " Dear me, how it all comes back ! " I fervently wished it would come back, — but my memory " I KNEW I wasn't mistaken." was a blank. The wise way would have been to frankly own up ; but I could not bring myself to do that, after the young girl had praised me so for recognizing her; so I went on, deeper and deeper into the mire, hoping for a chance clue but never getting one. The Unrecognizable continued, with vivacity, — ■ " Do }■ on know, George married Mary, after all ? " "Why, no! Did he?" "Indeed be did. He said he did not believe she was half 250 GROWING SULTRY. as much to blame as her father was, and I thought he was right. Didn't you ? " " Of course he was. It was a perfectly plain case. I always said so." " Why no you didn't ! — at least that summer." " Oh, no, not that summer. No, you are perfectly right about that. It was the following winter that I said it." " Well, as it turned out, Mary was not in the least to blame, — it was all her father's fault, — at least his and old Barley's." It was necessary to say something, — so 1 said, — "I always regarded Darley as a troublesome old thing." " So he was, but then they always had a great affection for him, although he had so many eccentricities. You remem- ber that when the weather was the least cold, he would try to come into the house." I was rather afraid to proceed. Evidently Darley was not a man, — he must be some other kind of animal, — possibly a dog, maybe an elephant. However, tails are common to all animals, so I ventured to say, — " And what a tail he had ! " " One ! He had a thousand ! " This was bewildering. I did not quite know what to say, so I only said, — " Yes, he was rather well fixed in the matter of tails." "For a negro, and a crazy one at that, I should say he was," said she. It was getting pretty sultry for me. I said to myself, " Is it possible she is going to stop there, and wait for me to speak? If she does, the conversation is blocked. A negro with a thousand tails is a topic which a person cannot talk upon fluently and instructively without more or less prepara- tion. As to diving rashly into such a vast subject, — " But here, to my gratitude, she interrupted my thought by saying,— " Yes, when it came to tales of his crazy woes, there waa simply no end to them if anybody would listen. His own FOLLOWING A BLIND TRAIL. 251 quarters were comfortable enough, but when the weather was cold, the family were sure to have his company, — nothing could keep him out of the house. But they always bore it kindly because he had saved Tom's life, years before. You remember Tom ? " " O, perfectly. Fine fellow he was, too." " Yes he was. And what a pretty little thing his child was ! " "You may well say that. I never saw a prettier child." "I used to delight to pet it and dandle it and play with it." " So did I." " You named it. What was that name? I can't call it to mind." It appeared to me that the ice was getting pretty thin, here. 1 would have given something to know what the child's sex was. However, I had the good luck to think of a name that would fit either sex, — so 1 brought it out, — " I named it Frances." " From a relative, I suppose \ But you named the one that died, too, — one that I never saw. "What did you call that one \ " I was out of neutral names, but as the child was dead and she had never seen it, I thought 1 might risk a name for it and trust to luck. Therefore I said, — " I called that one Thomas Henry." She said, musingly, — " That is very singular very singular." I sat still and let the cold sweat run down. I was in a good deal of trouble, but I believed I could worry through if she wouldn't ask me to name any more children. I won- dered where the lightning was going to strike next. She was still ruminating over that last child's title, but presently she said, — " I liave always been sorry you were away at the time, — I would have had you name my child." 252 A HAPPY HALF HOUR. " T'our child ! Are you married ? " " I have been married thirteen years." " Christened, you mean." " No, married. The youth by your side is my son." " It seems incredible, — even impossible. I do not mean any harm by it, but would you mind telling me if you are any over eighteen ? — that is to say, will you tell me how old you are ?" "I was just nineteen the day of the storm we were talking about. That was my birth-day." That did not help matters much, as I did not know the date of the storm. I tried to think of some non-committal thing to say, to keep up my end of the talk and render my poverty in the matter of reminiscences as little noticeable as possible, but I seemed to be about out of non-committal things. I was about to say, " You haven't changed a bit since then," — but that was risky. I thought of saying " You have improved ever so much since then," — but that wouldn't answer, of course. I was about to try a shy at the weather, for a saving change, when the girl slipped in ahead of me and said, — " How I have enjoyed this talk over those happy old times, — haven't you ? " " 1 never have spent such a half liour in all my life before ! " said I, with emotion ; and I could have added, with a near approach to truth, " and I would rather be scalped than spend another one like it." I was holily grateful to be through with the ordeal, and was about to make my good-byes and get out, when the girl said, — " But there is one thing that is ever so puzzling to me." "Why what is that?" " That dead child's name. What did you say it was ?" Here was another balmy place to be in : I had forgotten the child's name ; 1 hadn't imagined it would be needed again. However, I had to pretend to know, anyway, so I said, — " Joseph William." The youth at my side corrected me, and said, — RECOGNITION. " 253 " No,— Thomas Henry." 1 thanked him, — in words, — and said, with trepidation, — " O yes, — 1 was thinking of another child that 1 named, — . I have named a great many, and I get them confused, — this one was named Henry Thompson, — " "Thomas Henry," calmly interposed the boy. I thanked him again, — strictly in words, — and stammered out, — " Thomas Henry, — yes, Thomas Henry was the poor child's name. I named him for Thomas,— er, — Thomas Carlyle, the great author, you know, — and Henry — er, — er, — Henry the Eightii. The parents were very grateful to have a child named Thomas Henry." " That makes it more singular than ever," murmured my beautiful friend. " Does it ? Why ? " "Because when the parents speak of that child now, they always call it Susan Amelia." That spiked my gun. I could not say anything. I was entirely out of verbal obliquities ; to go further would be to lie, and that I would not do ; so I simply sat still and suf- fered, — sat mutely and resignedly there, and sizzled, — for I was being slowly fried to death in my own blushes. Pres- ently the enemy laughed a happy laugh and said, — " I have enjoyed this talk over old times, but you have not. I saw very soon that you were only pretending to know me, and so as I had wasted a compliment on you in the beginning, I made up my mind to punish yon. And I have succeeded pretty well. I was glad to see that you knew George and Tom and Darley, for I had never heard of them before and therefore could not be sure that you had ; and I was glad to learn the names of those imaginary children, too. One can get quite a fund of information out of you if one goes at it cleverly. Mary and the storm, and the sweeping away of the forward boats, were facts — all the rest was fiction. Mary was my sister ; her full name was Mary . Now do you re- member me?'' 254: ' CONFESSED DEFEAT. " Yes," I said, " I do remember you now ; and you are as hard-liearted as you were thirteen years ago in that ship, else you wouldn't have punished me so. You haven't changed your nature nor yoar person, in any way at all ; you look just as young as you did then, you are just as beautiful as you were then, and you have transmitted a deal of your comeli- ness to this line boy. There, — if that speech moves you any, let's fly the flag of truce, with the understanding that I am conquered and confess it." All of which was agreed to and accomplished, on the spot. "When I went back to Harris, I said, — " Now you see what a person with talent and address can do." " Excuse me, I see what a person of colossal ignorance and simplicity can do. The idea of your going and intruding on a party of strangers, that way, and talking for half an hour ; why I never heard of a man in his right mind doing such a thing before. What did you say to them ? " " I never said any harm. I merely asked the girl what her name was." " I don't doubt it. Upon my word I don't. I think you were capable of it. It was stupid in me to let you go over there and make such an exhibition of yourself . But you know I couldn't really believe you would do such an inexcusable thing. What will those people think of us ? But how did you say it ? — I mean the manner of it. I hope you were not abrupt." " No, I was careful about that. I said 'My friend and I would like to know what your name is, if you don't mind.' " " No, that was not abrupt. There is a polish about it that does you inflnite credit. And I am glad you put me in ; that was a delicate attention which I appreciate at its full value. What did she do ? " " She didn't do anything in particular. She told me her name." " Simply told you her name. Do you mean to say she did not show any surprise ? " MT VERSION OF THE STORY. 255 " Well, now I come to think, she did show something; may be it was surprise ; I hadn't thought of that, — I took it for gratification." " O, undoubtedly you were right ; it must have been grati- fication ; it could not be otherM'ise than gratifying to be as- saulted by a stranger with such a question as that. Then what did you do? " " I offered my hand and the party gave me a shake." " I saw it ! I did not believe my own eyes, at the time. Did the gentleman say anything about cutting your throat ? " " No, they all seemed glad to see me, as far as I could judge." "And do you know, I believe they were. I think they said to themselves, ' Doubtless this curiosity has got away from his keeper — let us amuse ourselves with him.' There is no other way of accounting for their facile docility. You sat down. Did they ash you to sit down ? " "No, they did' not ask me, but I supposed they did not think of it." " You have an un- harris astonished. erring instinct. What else did you do? What did you talk about ? " " Well, I asked the girl how old she was ? " " CTVidoubtedly. Your delicacy is beyond praise. Go on, go on, — don't mind my apparent misery, — I always look so when I am steeped in a profound and reverent joy. Go on, — she told you her age ? " " Yes, she told me her age, and all about her mother, and her grandmother, and her other relations, and all about her- self." " Did she volunteer these statistics ? '* 256 HARRIS ASTONISHED. " No, not exactly that. I asked the questions and she an- swered them." " This is divine. Go on, — it is not possible that you for- got to inquire into her politics ? " " No, I thought of that. She is a democratj her husband is a republican, and both of them are Baptists." " Her husband ? Is that child married ? " " She is not a child. She is married, and that is her hus- band who is there Math her." " Has she any children ? " " Yes, — seven and a half." " Tliat is impossible." " No, she has them. She told me herself." "Well, but seven and a Jialfl How do you make out the half ? Where does the half come in ? " " That is a child which she had by another husband, — not this one but another one, — so it is a step-child, and they do not count it full measure." " Another husband ? Has she had another husband ? " " Yes, four. This one is number four." "I do not believe a word of it. It is impossible, upon its face. Is that boy there her brother ? " " No, that is her son. He is her youngest. He is not as old as he looks ; he is only eleven and a half." " Tliese tilings are all manifestly impossible. This is a wretched business. It is a plain case : they simply took your measure, and concluded to fill you up. They seem to have succeeded. I am glad I am not in the mess ; they may at least be charitable enough to think there ain't a pair of us. Are they going to stay here long? " " No, they leave before noon." " There is one man who is deeply grateful for that. How did you find out? You asked, I suppose?" " No, along at first I inquired into their plans, in a general way, and they said they were going to be here a week, and make trips round about ; but toward the end of the interview, MY EEVENGE. 257 when I said jou and I would tour around with them with pleasure, and offered to bring you over and introduce jou, they hesitated a little, and asked if you were from the same establishment that I was. I said you were, and then they said they had changed their mind and considered it necessary to start at once and visit a sick relative in Siberia." " Ah me, you struck the summit ! You struck the loftiest altitude of stupidity that human effort has ever reached. You sh.ill have a monument of jackass's skulls as high as the Stras- burg spire if you die before I do. They wanted to know if I was from the same ' establishment ' that you hail from, did they? What did they mean by ' establishment ? ' " " I don't know ; it never occurred to me to ask." " Well I know. They meant an asylum — an idiot asylum, do you understand ? So they do think there's a pair of us, af- ter all. Kow what do you think of yourself? " "Well I don't know. I didn't know I was doing any harm ; I diJn't mean to do any harm. They were very nice people, and they seemed to like me." H.irris mude some rude remarks and left for his bedroom, — to break some furniture, he said. He was a singularly irascible man ; any little thing would disturb his temper. I had been well scorched by the young woman, but no mat- ter, I took it out of Harris. One should always " get even " in some way, else the sore place will go on hurting. CHAPTER XXVL THE Hufkirsclie is celebrated for its organ concerts. All summer long the tourists flock to that cliurch about six o'clock in the evening, and pay their franc, and listen to the noise. They don't stay to hear all of it, but get up and tramp out over the sounding stone floor, meeting late comers who tramp in in a sounding and vigorous vray. This tramping back and forth is kept up nearly all the time, and is accented by the continuous slamming of the door, and the coughing and barking and sneezing of the crowd. Meantime the big organ is booming and crashing and thundering away, doing its best to prove that it is the biggest and loudest organ in Europe, and that a tight little box of a chnrch is the most fa- vorable place to average and appreciate its powers in. It is true, there were some soft and merciful passages occasion- ally, but the tramp-tramp of the tourists only allowed one to get fitful glimpses of them, so to speak. Then right away the organist would let go another avalanche. The commerce of Lucerne consists mainly in gimcrackery of the souvenir sort ; the shops are packed with Alpine crys tals, photographs of scenery, and wooden and ivory carvings, I will not conceal the fact that miniature figures of the Lion of Lucerne are to be had in them. Millions of them. But they are libels upon him, every one of them. There is a sub- tle something about the majestic pathos of the original which 258 COMMERCE OF LUCERNE. 259 the copyist cannot get. Even the sun fails to get it ; both the photographer and the carver give you a dying lion, and that is all. The shape is right, the attitude is right, the pro- portions are right, but that indescribable something which makes the Lion of Lucerne the noost mournful and moving piece of stone in the world, is wanting. The Lion lies in his lair in the perpendicular face of a low cliff, — for he is carved from the living rock of the cliff". His LTON OF LUCKRNE. size is colossal, his attitude is noble. His head is bowed, the broken spear is sticking in his shoulder, his protecting paw rests upon the lilies of France. Vines hang down the cliff and wave in the wind, and a clear stream trickles from above and empties into a pond at the base, and in the smooth sur- face of the pond the lion is mirrored, among tlie water lilies. Around about are green trees and grass. The place is a sheltered, reposeful, woodland nook, remote from noise and ^tir and confusion, — and all this is fitting, for lions do die in 16 260 CHARITY TOWARDS MARTYRS. such places, and not on granite pedestals in public squares fenced with fancy iron railings. The Lion of Lucerne would be impressive anywhere, but nowhere so impressive as where he is. Martyrdom is the luckiest fate that can befall some people. Louis XVI did not die in his bed, consequently history is very gentle wnth him ; she is charitable toward his failings, and slie finds in him high virtues which are not usually con- sidered to be virtues when they are lodged in kings. She makes him out to be a person with a meek and modest spirit the heart of a female saint, and a wrong head. None of these qualities are kingly but the last. Taken together they make a character which would have fared harshly at the hands of history if its owner had had the ill luck to miss martyrdom. With the best intentions to do the right thing, he always managed to do the wrong one. Moreover, nothing could get the female saint out of him. He knew, well enough, that in national emergencies he must not consider how he ought to act, as a man, but how he ought to act as a king ; so he hon- estly tried to sink the man and be the king, — but it was a failure, he only succeeded in being the female saint. He was not instant in season, but out of season. He could not be persuaded to do a thing while it could do any good, — he was iron, he was adamant in his stubbornness then, — but as soon as the thing had reached a point where it would be positively harmful to do it, do it he would, and nothing could stop him. He did not do it because it would be harmful, but because he hoped it was not yet too late to achieve by it the good which it would have done if applied earlier. His comprehension was always a train or two behind-hand. If a national toe required amputating, he could not see that it needed anything more than poulticing; when others saw that the mortifica- tion had reached the knee, he first perceived that the toe needed cutting off, — so he cut it off"; and he severed the leg at the knee when others saw that the disease had reached the thigh. He was good, and honest, and well meaning, in the A BIT OF HISTORY. 261 matter of chasing national diseases, but he never could over- take one. As a private man, he would have been lovable ; but viewed as a king, he was strictly contemptible. His was a most unroyal career, but the most pitiable spec- tacle in it, was his sentimental treachery to his Swiss guard on that memorable 10th of August, when, he allowed those heroes to be massacred in his cause, and forbade them to shed the " sacred French blood " purporting to be flowing in the veins of the red-capped mob of miscreants that was raging around the palace. He meant to be kingly, but he was only the female saint once more. Some of his biographers think that upon this occasion the spirit of Saint Louis had descend- ed upon him. It must have found pretty cramped quarters. It Napoleon the First had rtood In the shoes of Louis XVI that day, instead of being m3rely a casual and unknown looker-on, there would be no Lion of Lucerne, now, but there would be a well stocked Communist graveyard in Paris which would answer just as well to remember the 10th of August by. Martyrdom made a saint of Marie Queen of Scots three hundred years ago, and she has hardly lost all of her saint- ship yet. Martyrdom made a saint of the trivial and foolish Marie Antoinette, and her biographers still keep her fragrant with the odor of sanctity to this day, while unconsciously proving upon almost every page they write that the only calamitous instinct which her husband lacked, she supplied, — the instinct to root out and get rid of an honest, able, and loyal official, wherever she found him. The hideous but be- neficent French Revolution would have been deferred, or would have fallen short of completeness, or even might not have happened at all, if Marie Antoinette had made the un- wise mistake of not being born. The world owes a great deal to the French Revolution, and consequently to its two chief promoters, Louis the Poor in Spirit and his queen. We did not buy any wooden images of the Lion, nor any ivory or ebony or marble or chalk or sugar or chocolate ones, 262 CUCKOO CLOCKS. or even any photographic slanders of him. The truth is, these copies were so common, so universal, in tlie shops and every- where, that they presently became as intolerable to the wear- ied eye as the latest popular melody usually becomes to the harassed ear. In Lucerne, too, the wood carvings of other sorts, which had been so pleasant to look upon when one saw them occasionally at home, soon began to fatigue us. We grew very tired of seeing wooden quails and chickens pick- ing and strutting around clock-faces, and still more tired of seeing wooden images of the alleged chamois skipping about wooden rocks, or lying upon them in family groups, or peer- ing alertly up from behind them. The first day, I would have bought a hundred and fifty of these clocks if I had had HE LIKED CLOCKS. the money, — and I did buy three, — but on the third day the disease had run its course, I had convalesced, and was in the market once more, — trying to sell. However, I had no luck ; which was just as well, for the things will be pretty enough, no doubt, when I get them home. For years my pet aversion had been the cuckoo clock ; now her-^ I was, at last, right in the creature's home ; so wherever I went, that distressing " hoo'hoo ! hoo'hoo ! hoo^hoo ! " was always in my ears. For a nervous man, this was a fine state of A SATISFACTORY REVENGE. 263 things. Some sounds are hatef uUer than others, but no sound is quite so inane, and silly, and aggravating as the "A(? ! Why I've got to go to the President with the peti- tion and the delegation, and get the appointment, haven't I?" " Yes very true that is correct. And then what?" WANTED TO BE POSTMASTER. 265 " Executive session of the Senate at 2 p. m., — got to get the appointment confirmed, — I reckon you'll grant that ? " "Yes yes," said Riley, meditatively, "you are right again. Then you take the train for New York in the even- ing, and the steamer for San Francisco next morning? " " That's it,— that's the way I map it out?" Riley considered a while, and then said, — " You couldn't stay a day well, say two days longer ? " " Bless your soul, no ! It's not my style. I ain't a man to go fooling around, — I'm a man that does things, I tell you. ' The storm was raging, the thick snow blowing in gusts. Riley stood silent, apparently deep in a reverie, during a minute or more, then he looked up and said, — " Have you ever heard about that man who put up at Gads- by's, once ? But I see you haven't." He backed Mr. Lykins against a n iron fen c e , buttonholed him, fastened him with his eye, like the ancient mariner, and pro- ceeded to unfold his narra- tive as placidly and peace- fully as if we were all stretched comfortably in a blossomy summer mead- ow instead of being per- secuted by a wintry mid- night tempest : " I will tell you about that man. It was in Jack- son's time, Gadsby's M-as the principal hotel, then. "i will tell tou." Well, this man arrived from Tennessee about nine o'clock, one morning, with a black coachman and a splendid four- 266 ARRIVAL OF A TENXESSEAN. horse carriage and an elegant dog, which he was evidentl_y fond and proud of; he drove up before Gadsbj's and the clerk and the landlord and everybody rushed out to take charge of him, but he said, ' Never mind' and jumped out and told the coachman to wait,— said he hadn't time to take anything to eat, he only had a little claim against the government to col- lect, would run across the way, to the Treasury, and fetch couldn't wait. the money, and then get right along back to Tennessee, for he was in considerable of a hurry. " Well, about eleven o'clock that night he came back and ordered a bed and told them to put the horses up, - said he would collect the claim in the morning. This was in Janu- ary, you understand, — January 1834, — the 3d of January, — Wednesday. " Well, on the 5th of February, he sold the fine carriage, didn't care for style. and bought a cheap second-hand one, — said it would answer just as well to take the money home in, and he didn't care for style. " On the 11th of August he sold a pair of the fine horses, CONCLUDED TO STAY A WHILE. 267 —said he'd often thought a pair was better than four, to go over the rough mountain roads with where a bod v had to be careful about his driving, — and there wasn't so much of his A PAIR BETTER THAN FOUR. claim but he could Ing the monej home with a pair easy enough, " On the 13th of December he sold another horse, — said two warn't necessary to drag that old light vehicle with, — in fact one could snatch it along faster than was absolutely necessary, TWO wasn't necessary. now that it was good solid winter weather and the roads in splendid condition. " On the seventeenth of February, 1835, he sold the old carriage and bought a cheap second-hand buggy, — said a buggy was just the trick to skim along mushy, slushy early JUST THE TRICK. spring roads with, and he had always wanted to try a buggy on those mountain roads, anyway. " On the 1st of August he sold the buggy and bought the 268 QETTINQ SENSIBLE. remains of an old sulky, — said he just wanted to see those green Tennesseans stare and gawk when they saw him come GOING TO MAKE THEM STARE. a-ripping along in a sulky, — didn't believe they'd ever heard of a sulky in their lives. " Well, on the 29th of August he sold his colored coach- man, — said he didn't need a coachman for a sulky, — wouldn't be room enough for two in it anyway, — and besides it wasn't NOT THROWN AWAY. every day that Providence sent a man a fool who was will- ing to pay nine hundred dollars for such a third-rate negro as that, — been wanting to get rid of the creature for years, but didn't like to throw him away. "Eighteen months later, — that is to say, on the 15th of February, 1837, — he sold the sulky and bought a saddle, — WHAT THE DOCTOR RECOMMENDED. said horse-back riding was what the doctor had always rec- ommended him to take, and dog'd if he wanted to risk his neck going over those mountain roads on wheels in the dead of winter, not if he knew himself. SOLD OUT, 269 " On the 9th of April he sold the saddle, — said he wasn't going to risk his life with any perishable saddle-girth that ever WANTED TO FEEL SAFE. was made, over a rainy, miry April road, while he could ride bareback and know and feel he was safe, — always had de- spised to ride on a saddle, anyway. " On the 24th of April he sold his horse, — said ' I'm just 57 to-day, hale and hearty, — it would be a pretty howdy-do for me to be wasting such a trip as that and such weather as PR"EFEERED TO TRAMP ON FOOT. this, on a horse, when there ain't anything in the world so splendid as a tramp on foot through the fresh spring woods and over the cheery mountains, to a man that is a man, — and 1 can make my dog carry my claim in a little bundle anyway, when it's collected. So to-morrow I'll be up bright and early, make my little old collection, and mosey off to Tennessee, on my own hind legs, with a rousing Good-bye, to Gadsby's.' " On the 22d of June he sold his dog, — said ' Dern a dog, anyway, where you're just starting off on a rattling bully pleasure-tramp through the summer woods and hills, — per- fect nuisance, — chases the squirrels, barks at everything, goes a-capering and splattering around in the fords, — man can't 270 APPLICATION OF THE STORY. get any chance to reflect and enjoy nature, — and I'd a blamed sight ruther carry the claim myself, it's a mighty sight safer ; BERN A DOG, ANYWAY. a dog's mighty uncertain in a financial way, — always noticed it, — well, good-hje, boys, — last call, — I'm off for Tennessee with a good leg and a gay heart, early in the morning!"' There was a pause and a silence, — except the noise of the wind and the pelting snow. Mr. Lykins said, impa tiently, — " Well ? " Riley said, — " Well, — that was thirty years ago." " Very well, very well, — what of it ? " " I'm great friends with that old patriarch. He comes every evening to tell me good-bye. I saw him an hour ago, — he's off for Tennessee early to morrow morning, — as usual ; said he calculated to get his claim through and be off before niglit-owls like me have turned out of bed. Tlie tears were in his eyes, he was so glad he was going to see his old Ten- nessee and his friends once more." Another silent pause. The stranger broke it, — '' Is that all ? " " That is all." "Well, for the time of night, and the kind of night, it seems to me the story was full long enough. But what's it all for ? " " O, nothing in particular." " Well, Where's the point of it ? " " O, there isn't any particular point to it. Only, if you are not in too much of a hurry to rush off to San Francisco FISHING IN THE LAKE. 271 with that post-office appointment, Mr. Lykins, I'd advise you to '■put up at Gadshy^s ' for a spell, and take it easy. Good- bye. God bless you ! " So saying, Riley blandly turned on his heel and left the astonished school teacher standing there, a musing and mo- tionless snow image shining in the broad glow of the street lamp. He never got that post-office. To go back to Lucerne and its fishers, I concluded, after about nine hours' waiting, that the man who proposes to tarry till he sees somebody hook one of those well-fed and experienced fishes will find it wisdom to " put up at Gads- by's" and take it easy. It is likely that a fish has not been caught on that lake pier for forty years; but no matter, the patient fisher watches his cork there all the day long, just the same, and seems to enjoy it. One may see the fisher- loafers just as thick and contented and happy and patient all along the Seine at Paris, but tradition says that the only thing ever caught there in modern times is a thing they don't fish for at all, — the recent dog and the translated cat. CHAPTER XXVIL CLOSE by the Lion of Lucerne is what they call the '*' Gla- cier Garden," — and it is the only one in the world. It is on high ground. Four or five years ago, some workmen who were digging foundations for a house came upon this interesting relic of a long departed age. Scientific men per- ceived in it a confirmation of their theories concerning the glacial period ; so through their persuasions the little tract of ground was bought and permanently protected against being built upon. The soil was removed, and there lay the rasped and guttered track which the ancient glacier had made as it moved along upon its slow and tedious journey. This track was perforated by huge pot-shaped holes in the bed-rock, formed by the furious washing-around in them of boulders by the turbulent torrent which flows beneath all glaciers. These huge round boulders still remain in the holes ; they and the walls of the holes are worn smooth by the long con- tinned chafing which they gave each other in those old days. It took a mighty force to chnrn these big lumps of stone around in that vigorous way. The neighboring country had a very different shape, at that time, — the valleys have risen up and become hills, since, and the hills have become valleys. The boulders discovered in the pots had traveled a great dis- tance, for there is no rock like them nearer than the distant Rhone Glacier. 272 GLACIER GARDEN. EXCURSION ON THE LAKE. 273 For some days we were content to enjoy looking at the blue lake Lucerne and at the piled-up masses of snow mountains that border it all around, — an enticing spectacle, this last, for there is a strange and fascinating beauty and charm about a majestic snow-peak with the sun blazing upon it or the moon- light softly enriching it, — but finally we concluded to try a bit of excursioning around on a steamboat, and a dash on foot at the Kigi. Yery well, we had a delightful trip to Fluelen, on al^reezy, sunny day. Everybody sat on the upper deck, on benches, under an awning; everybody talked, laughed, and exclaimed at the wonderful scenery ; in truth, a trip on that lake is almost the perfection of pleasuring. The mount- ains were a never ceasing marvel. Sometimes they rose THE LAKE AND MOUNTAINS (mONT PILATUS). Straight up out of the lake, and towered aloft and overshad- owed our pigmy steamer with their prodigious bulk in the most impressive way. IS'ot snow-clad mountains, these, yet they climbed high enough toward the sky to meet the clouds 274 LIFE ON THE MOUNTAINS. and veil their foreheads in them. They were not barren and repulsive, but clothed in green, and restful and pleasant to the eye. And they were so almost straight-up-and-down sometimes, that one could not imagine a man being able to keep his footing upon such a surfa c, ; yet th(io are paths, y and t h e & Swiss peo- ^ pie go up and down . them eve- ^ ry day. S o me- times one of these monster precipices had th(> slight iifelination of the huge ship- houses in dock yards, — then higli a- loft, toward the sky, it took a h'ttle stronger inclination, like that of a mansard roof, — and perched on this dizzy mansard one's eye detected little things like martin boxes, and presently perceived that these were the dwellings of peasants, — an airy place for a home, truly. And suppose a peasant should walk in his sleep^ or his child should fall out of the frot)t yard? — the friends would have a tedious long journey down out of those cloud -heights before they found the re- mains. And yet those far-away homes looked ever so seduc- tive, they were so remote from the troubled world, they dozed in such an atmosphere of peace and dreams, — surely no one MOUNTAIN PATHS. ANOTHER SPECIMEN TOURIST. 275 who had learned to live up there would ever want to live on a meaner level. We swept through the prettiest little curving arms of the lake, among these colossal green walls, enjoying new delights, always, as the stately panorama unfolded itself before us and re-rolled and hid itself behind us; and now and then we had the thrilling surprise of bursting suddenly upon a tremendous white mass like the distant and dominating J ungfrau, or some kindred giant, looming head and shoulders above a tumbled waste of lesser Alps. Once, while I was hungrily taking in one of these surprises, and doing my best to get all I possibly could of it while it should last, I was interrupted by a young and care-free voice, "You're an American, I think, — so'm I." He was about eighteen, or possibly nineteen ; slender and of medium height ; open, frank, happy face ; a restless but independent eye; a snub nose, which had the air of drawing back with a decent reserve from the silky new-born moustache below it imtil it should be introduced ; a loosely hung jaw, calculated to work easily in the sockets. He wore a low- crowned, narrow-brimmed straw hat, with a broad blue rib- bon around it which had a white anchor embroidered on it in front ; nobby short-tailed coat, pantaloons, vest, all trim and neat and up with the fashion ; red-striped stockings, very low-quarter patent leather shoes, tied with black ribbon ; blue ribbon around his neck, wide-open collar ; tiny diamond studs ; wrinkleless kids ; projecting cuffs, fastened with large oxydized silver sleeve-buttons, bearing the device of a dog's face, — English pug. He carried a slim cane, surmounted with an English pug's head with red glass eyes. Under his arm he carried a German Grammar, — Otto's. His hair was short, straight and smooth, and presently when he turned his head a moment, I saw that it was nicely parted behind. He took a cigarette out of a dainty box, stuck it into a meer- schaum holder which he carried in a morocco case, and reach- ed for my cigar. While he was lighting, I said, — 17 276 "WHERE ARE YOU FROM?" "What ship did you What " Yes, — I am an American." " I knew it, — I can alwavs tell them. come over in ? " "Holsatia." " We came in the Batavia, — Cunard, you know, kind of a passage did you have ? " " Tolerablv roiiffh." " So did we. Captain said lie'd hardly ever seen it rougher. Where are you from ? " ":N"ew England." " So'm I. I'm from New Bloomfield. Anybody with you 2" " Yes, — a friend." " Our whole family's along. ^^^^ It's awful slow, going around alone, — don't you think so ? " " Rather slow." " Ever been over here be- fore ? " " Yes." " I haven't. My first trip. But we've been all around, — Paris and everywhere. I'm to enter Harvard next year. "rou'EE AN AMERICAN— SO AM I." Studylug Gcrmau all the time, now. Can't enter till I know German. I know con- siderable French, — I get along pretty well in Paris, or any- where where they speak French. What hotel are you stop- ping at ? " " Schweitzerhof." " IS^o ! is that so ? I never see you in the reception room. I go to the reception room a good deal of the time, because there's so many Americans there. I make lots of acquaint- ances. I know an American as soon as I see him, — and so I speak to him and make his acquaintance. I like to be always making acquaintances, — don't you ? " I'M FOND OF TALKING, AIN'T YOU?" 277 « Lord, yes ! " " You see it breaks up a trip like this, first rate. I never get bored on a trip like this, if I can make acquaintances and have somebody to talk to. But I think a trip like this would be an awful bore, if a bod}' couldn't find anybody to get ac- quainted with and talk to on a trip like this. Tm fond of talking-, ain't you ? " " Passionately." " Have you felt bored, on this trip ? " " Not all the time, part of it." " That's it ! — you see you ought to go around and get ac- quainted, and talk. That's my way. That's the way I always ■do, — I just go 'round, 'round, 'round, and talk, talk, talk, — I never get bored. You been up the Kigi yet?" "No" " Going ? " "I think so." " "What hotel you going to stop at ? " " I don't know. Is there more than one ? " " Three. You stop at the Schreiber — you'll find it full of Americans. What ship did you say you came over in ? " " City of Antwerp." " German, I guess. You going to Geneva ? " " Yes." " "What hotel you going to stop at ? " " Hotel de 1' Ecu de Geneve." " Don't you do it ! 'No Americans there ? You stop at one ■of those big hotels over the bridge. — they're packed full of Americans." " But I want to practice my Arabic." " Good gracious, do you speak Arabic ? " "Yes, — well enough to get along." " Why, hang it, you won't get along in Geneva, — they don't speak Arabic, they speak French. What hotel are you stop- ping at here ? " " Hotel Pension-Beaurivafce." 278 "WHAT HOTEL ARE YOU STOPPING AT?" " Slio, you ought to stop at the Schweitzerhof . Didn't you know the Schweitzerhof was tiie best hotel in Switzer- land?— look at your Baedecker." " Yes, I know, — but I had an idea there warn't any Amer- icans there." " No Americans ! Why bless your soul it's just alive with them ! I'm in the great reception room most all the time. I make lots of acquaintances there. JSot as many as I did at first, because now only the new ones stop in there, — the others go right along through. Where are you from ? " " Arkansaw." " Is that so ? I'm from New England, — New Bloomfield's- my town when I'm at home. I'm having a mighty good time to-day, ain't you 2 " " Divine." " That's what I call it. I like this knocking around, loose- and easy, and making acquaintances and talking. I know an; American, soon as I see him ; so I go and speak to him and make his acquaintance. 1 ain't ever bored, on a trip like this, if I can make new acquaintances and talk. I'm awful fond of talking when I can get hold of the right kind of a person^ ain't you ? " "I prefer it to any other dissipation." " That's my notion, too. Now some people like to take a book and sit down and read, and read, and read, or moon around yawping at the lake or these mountains and things^ but that ain't my way ; no, sir, if they like it, let "em do it, I don't object ; but as for me, taiking's what / like. You been up the Rigi ? " " Yes." " What hotel did you stop at ? " " Schreiber." " That's the place ! — I stopped there too. Full of Amer- icans, wasn't it ? It always is, — always is. That's what they say. Everybody says that. What ship did you come over m?" AN ADVERTISING DODGE. 279 « Yille de Paris." " French, I reckon. What kind of a passage did ,....,,. •excuse me a nainute, there's some Americans 1 haven't seen before." And away he went. He went uninjured, too, — I had the murderous impulse to harpoon liim in the back with my alpenstock, but as I raised the weapon the disposition left me; 1 found I hadn't the heart to kill him, he was such a joyous, innocent, good-natured numscull. Half an hour later I was sitting on a bench inspecting, with strong interest, a noble monolith which we were skim- ming by, — a monolith not shaped by man, but by Nature's free great hand, — a massy pyramidal rock eighty feet high, -devised by Nature ten million years ago against the day when a man worthy of it should need it for his monument. The time came at last, and now this grand remembrancer bears Schiller's name in huge letters upon its face. Curi- ously enough, this rock was not degraded or defiled in any way. It is said that two years ago a stranger let himself ■down from the top of it with ropes and pulleys, and painted all over it, in blue letters bigger than those in Schiller's mame, these words : " Try Sozodont;" "Buy Sun Stove Polish;" " Helmbold's Buchu;" " Try Benzaline for the Blood." He was captured, and it turned out that he was an Ameri- •can. Upon his trial the judge said to him, — ■ '* You are from a land where any insolent that wants to, is privileged to profane and insult Nature, and through her, Nature's God, if by so doing he can put a sordid penny in his pocket. But here the case is different. Because you are a foreigner and ignorant, 1 will make your sentence light; if you were a native I would deal strenuously with you. — Hear and obey • You will immediately remove every trace of your offensive work from the Schiller monument; you 280 VANDALISM PUNISHED. you pay a fine of ten thousand francs; you will suffer two years' imprisonment at hard labor; ^^ou will then be horse- whipped, tarred and feathered, deprived of your ears, ridden on a rail to the confines of the canton, and banished forever. The severer penalties are omitted in your case, — not as a. grace to you, but to that great republic which had the mis- fortune to give you birth." Thesteamers's benches were ranged^ back to back across the deck. My back hair was mingling innocently with the back hair of a couple of ladies. Presently they were ad- dressed b}' some one and 1 over- heard this conversation : "You are Americans, I think t So'm I." " Yes, — we are Americans." "I knew it, — I can always tell them. What ship did you come over in ? " " City of Chester." " O yes, — Inman line. We came- in the Batavia, — Cunard, you know- What kind of a passage did you. have '{ " " Pretty fair." " That was luck. We had it awful rough. Captain said he'd hardly ever seen it rougher.. Where are yon from ? " " New Jersey." " So'm I. No — I didn't mean that ; I'm from New Eng- land. New Bloomfield's my place. These your children 1 — belong to both of you ?" " Only to one of us ; they are mine ; my friend is not married." " Single, I reckon ? So'm I. Are you two ladies travel- ing alone?" ENTERPRISE. •' AN AMERICAN TOLD ME SO. 281 " No, — my husband is with us," " Our whole family's along. It's awful slow, going around alone, — don't you think so ? " " I suppose it must be." " Hi, there's Mount Pilatus coming in sight again. Named after Pontius Pilate, you know, that shot the apple off of William Tell's head. Guide-book tells all about it, they say. I didn't read it — an American told me. I don't read when I'm knocking around like this, hav- ing a good time. Did you ever see the chapel where William Tell used to preach ? " " I did not know he ever preached there." " O, yes he did. That American told me so. He don't ever shut up his guide-book. He knows more about this lake than the fishes in it Besides, they callit ' Tell's Chapel ' — you know that yourself. You ever been over here before ?" "Yes." " I haven't. It's my first trip. But we've been all around, — Paris and everywhere. I'm to enter Harvard next year. — Studying German all the time now. Can't enter till I know German. This book's Otto's Gram- mar. It's a migjity good book to get the ich habe gehabt haberi's out of. the constant searcher. But I don't really study when I'm knocking around this way. If the notion takes me, I just run over my little old ich hale gehabt, du hast gehabt, er hat gehabt, loir haben gehabt, ihr habet gehabt, sie haben gehabt, — kind of ' Now-I-lay- me-down-to-sleep' fashion, you know, and after that, may- be I don't buckle to it again for three days. It's awful I *^x\ , yj. i i 1 i \ 1 iM.fAa^M w o SI o a CIIAPTEH XXX. AN hour's sail brought us to Lucerne again. I judged it best to go to bed and rest several da^'s, for I knew that the man who undertakes to make the tour of Europe on foot must take care of himself. Thinking over my plans, as mapped out, I perceived that they did not take in the Furka Pass, the Rhone Glacier, the Finsteraarhorn, the Wetterhorn, etc. I immediately exam- ined the guide-book to see if these were important, and found they were ; in fact, a pedestrian tour of Europe could not be complete without them. Of course that decided me at once to see them, for I never allow myself to do things by halves, or in a slurring, slip-shod way. 1 called in my agent and instructed him to go without de- lay and make a careful examination of these noted places, on foot, and bring me back a written report of the result, for insertion in my book. I instructed him to go to Hospenthal as quickly as possible, and make his grand start from there ; to extend his foot expedition as far as the Giesbach fall, and return to me from thence by diligence or mule. I told him to take the courier with him. He objected to the courier, and with some show of reason, since he was about to venture upon new and untried ground ; but I thought he might as well learn how to take care of the courier now as later, therefore I enforced my point. 1 said 19 311 312 TRAVELING BY PROXY. that the trouble, delay and inconvenience of traveling with a courier were balanced by the deep respect which a courier's presence commands, and 1 must insist that as much style be thrown into my journeys as possible. So the two assumed complete mountaineering costumes and departed. A week later they returned, pretty well used up, and my agent handed me the following Official Report Of a Visit to the Furka Region. By II. Harris., Agent. About 7 o'clock in the morning, with perfectly fine weather, we started from Hospenthal, and arrived at the maison on the Furka in a little under quatre hours. The want of variety in the scenery from Hospenthal made the TcahTcahjponeeTi.a wearisome ; but let none be discouraged : no one can fail to be completely recompensee for his fatigue, when he sees, for the first time, the monarch of the Oberland, the tremendous Finsteraarhorn. A moment before all was dulness, but a pas further has placed us on the summit of the Furka; and exactly in front of us, at a hopow of only fifteen miles, this magnificent mountain lifts its snow-wreath- ed precipices into the deep bine sky. The inferior mount- ains on each side of the pass form a sort of frame for the picture of their dread lord, and close in the view^ so com- pletely that no other prominent feature in the Oberland is visible from this bong-a-hong \ nothing withdraws the atten- tion from the solitary grandeur of the Finsteraarhorn and the dependent spurs which form the abutments of the central peak. With the addition of some others, who were also bound for the Grirasel, we formed a large xhvloj as we descended the steg which winds round the shoulder of a mountain toward the Rhone glacier. We soon left the path and took to the ice ; and after wandering amongst the crevasses un peu, to admire the wonders of these deep blue caverns, and hear the rushing of waters through their subglacial chan- nels, we struck out a course towards Vautre cote and crossed DEAD MAN'S LAKE. 313 the glacier successfully, a little above the cave from which, the infant Rhone takes its first bound from under the grand SOURCE OF THE RHONE. precipice of ice. Half a mile below this we began to climb the ilowerj side of the Meienwand. One of our party start- ed before the rest, but the Ilitze was so great, that we found ihm quite exhausted, and lying at full length in the shade of a large Gestein. "We sat down with him for a time, for all felt the heat exceedingly in the climb up this very steep holwoggoly, and then we set out again together, and arrived at last near tlie Dead Man's Lake, at the foot of the Sidel- horn. This lonely spot, once used for an extempore bury- ing place, after a sanguinary battue between the French and Austrians, is the perfection of desolation : there is nothing in siglit to niark the hand of man, except the line of weather- bearen whitened posts, set up to indicate the direction of the pass in the owdawakk of winter. Near this point the footpath joins the wider track, which connects the Grimsel 314: A TIMELY SHELTER. with the head of the Rhone schnawp : this has been care- fully constructed, and leads with a tortuous course among and over les pierres, down to the bank of the gloomy little swosh-swosh, which almost washes against the walls of the Grimsel Hospice. We arrived a little before 4 o'clock at the end of our day's journey, hot enough to justify the step, taken by most oi the partie, of plunging into the crystal water of the snow-fed lake. The next afternoon we started for a walk up the Unteraar glacier, with the intention of, at all events, getting as far as the Hiltte which is used as a sleeping place by most of those who cross the Strahleck Pass to Grindelwald. We got over the tedious collection of stones and debris which covers the pied of the Gleioher, and had walked nearly three hours from the Grimsel, when, just as we were thinking of cross- ing over to the right, to climb the cliffs at the foot of the hut, the clouds, which had for some time assumed a threaten- ing appearance, suddenly dropped, and a huge mass of them, driving towards us from the Finsteraarhorn, poured down a A GLACIER TABLE. deluge of haboolong and hail. Fortunately, we were not far from a very large glacier table ; it was a hnge rock balanced on a pedestal of ice high enough to admit of our all creeping THUNDER STORM IN THE MOUNTAIN. 315 under it for gowlcaraTc. A stream of pucTcittypukk had fur- rowed a course for itself in the ice at its base, and we were obliged to stand with one Fuss on each side of this, and en- deavourto keep ourselves chaud by cutting steps in the steep bank of the pedestal, so as to get a higher place for standing on, as the wasser rose rapidly in its trench, A very cold hzzzzzzzzeeeee accompanied the storm, and made our position far from pleasant ; and presently came a flash of Blitzen, apparently in the middle of our little party, with an instan- taneous clap of 'ifokky, sounding like a large gun fi.red close to our ears: the eiiect was startling; but in a few seconds our attention was fixed by the roaring echoes of the thunder against the tremendous mountains which completely sur- rounded us. This was followed by many more bursts, none of welche, however, M^as so dangerously near ; and after waiting a long demi-houx in our icy prison, we sallied out to walk through a haboolong which, though not so heavy as before, was quite enough to give us a thorough soaking before our arrival at the Hospice. The Grimsel is certainement a wonderful place ; situated at the bottom of a sort of huge crater, the sides of M'hich are utterly savage Gebirge, composed of barren rocks which can- not even support a single pine arbre, and afford only scanty food for a herd of gmwkwlloljo, it looks as if it must be com- pletely legraben in the winter snows. Enormous avalanches fall against it every spring, sometimes covering everything to the depth of thirty or forty feet ; and, in spite of walls four feet thick, and furnished with outside iron shutters, the two men who stay here when the voyageurs are snugly quar- tered in their distant homes can tell you that the snow some- times shakes the house to its foundations. Next morning the hogqlehumgullup still continued bad, but we made up our minds to go on, and make the best of it. Half an hour after we started,the Regen thickened unpleasantly, and we attempted to get shelter under a projecting rock, but being far too nass already to make standing at all agreeable, we pushed on for the Handeck, consoling ourselves with the 316 A TRICK OF THE TRADE. reflection that from the furious rushing of the river Aar at our side, we should at all events see the celebrated Wasserfall in grande jyerfection. Nor were we najpjper socket in our ex- pectation ; the water was roaring down its leap of 250 feet in a most magnificent frenzy, while the trees which cling to its rockv sides swayed to and fro in the violence of the hurricane which it brought down with it : even the stream, which falls into the main cascade at right angles, and toutfois forms a beautiful feature in the scene, was now swollen into a raging torrent ; and the violence of this " meeting of the waters," about fifty feet below the frail bridge where we stood, was fearfully grand. While we were looking at it, glucTdicheweise a gleam of sunshine came out, and instantly a beautiful rain- bow was formed by the spray, and hung in mid air suspended over the awful gorge. On going into the chalet above the fall, we were informed that a BriXche had broken down near Guttanen, and that it w^ould be impossible to proceed for some time : accordingly we were kept in our drenched condition for eine Sttmde, when some voyageurs arrived from Meyringen, and told us that there had been a trifiing accident, ahen that we could now cross. On arriving at tlie spot, I was much inclined to sus- pect that the whole story was a ruse to make us slowwk and drink the more in the Handeck Inn, for only a few plankfj had been carried away, and though there might perhaps have been some difficulty with mules, the gap was certainly not larger than a minhglx might cross with a very slight leap. Near Guttanen the haboolong happily ceased, and we had time to walk ourselves tolerably dry before arriving at Reich- enbacli, wo we enjoyed a good dine at the Hotel des Alps. Next morning we walked to Rosenlaui, the ieau ideal of Swiss scenery, where we spent the middle of the day in an excursion to the glacier. This was more beautiful than words can describe, for in the constant progress of the ice it has changed the form of its extremity and formed a vast cavern, as blue as the sky above, and rippled like a frozen ocean. A few steps cut in the whoopjamhoreehoo enabled us to walk ROSENLAUI TO GRI^sDELWALD. 317 completely under this, and feast our eyes upon one of tie loveliest objects in creation. The gla- cier was all around divided by number- less fissures of the Eame exquisite col- our, and the finest \xoodi-E r d h e e 7' e n were growing in abundance but a few yards from the ice. The inn stands in a charrnant spot close to the cote de la riviere, which, lower down, forms the E.eiclienbach fall, and embosomed in the richest of pinewoods, while the fine form of the Wellborn looking down upon it com- pletes the enchant- ing hopple. In the afternoon we walk- ed over the Great Scheideck to Grind- el wald, stopping to pay a visit to the Upper glacier by the way ; but we were again over- taken by bad hogg- glagier of geindelwald. lebumgullup and arrived at the hotel in seiche a state that the landlord's wardrobe was m. great request. 318 FIRST GLIMPSE OF THE MOUNTAINS. The clouds by this time seemed to have done their worst, for a lovely day succeeded, which we determined to devote to an ascent of the Faulhorn. We left Grindelwald jnst as a thunderstorm was dying away, and we hoped to find guten Wetter up above; but the rain, w^hich had nearly ceased, be- gan again, and we were struck by the rapidly \T\cYe2iSmgfroid as w^e ascended. Two thirds of the way up were completed when the rain was exchanged for gnillic, with which the Bo- den was thickly covered, and before Me arrived at the top the gnillic and mist became so thick that we could not see one another at more than twenty jpoo^oo distance, and it became difficult to pick our way over the rough and thickly covered ground. Shivering with cold we turned into bed with a double allowance of clothes, and slept comfortably wliile the wind howled aidour de la maison : when I awoke, the wall and the window looked equally dark, but in another hour I found I could just see the form of the latter ; so I jumped out of bed, and forced it open, though with difficulty from the frost and the quantities of gnillic heaped up against it. A row of huge icicles hung down from the edge of the roof, and anything more w-intry than the whole Anblick could not well be imagined ; but the sudden appearance of the great mountains in front was so startling that I felt no in- clination to move tow^ards bed again. The snow which had collected vi^onlafenetreXx^^ incrensed the I^insterniss oder der DunTcelheit, so that when I looked out I was surprised to find that the daylight was considerable, and that the balra- goomah would evidently rise before long. Only the bright- est ofles eioilesy^ere still shining; the sky was cloudless over- head, though small curling mists lay thousands of feet below us in the valleys, wreathed around the feet of the moun- tains, and adding to the splendor of their lofty summits. "We were soon dressed and out of the house, W' atching the gradual approach of dawn, thoroughly absorbed in the first near view of the Oberland giants, which broke upon us unexpectedly after the intense obscurity of the evening before. ^'■Kabaug- THE PEAKS ILLUMINATED, 319 wakko songwashee Kuni Wetterhorn snawpo ! " cried some one, as that grand summit gleamed with the first rose of dawn : and in a few moments the double crest of the Schreckhorn followed its example ; peak after peak seemed warmed with life, the Jungfrau blushed even more beautifully than her DAWN ON THE MOUNTAINS. neighbors, and soon, from the "Wetterhorn in the East to the "Wildstrubel in the "West, a long row of fires glowed upon mighty altars, truly worthy of the gods. The wlgw was very severe ; our sleeping place could hardly be distingv.ee from the snow around it, which had fallen to the depth of o.fllr'k during the past evening, and we heartily enjoyed a rough scramble en has to the Giesbach falls, where we soon found a warm climate. At noon the day before at Grindelwald the thermometer could not have stood at less than 100° Fahr. in the sun ; and in the evening, judging from the icicles form- ed, and the state of the windows, there must have been at least twelve dinghlatter of frost, thus giving a change of 80* during a few hours. 320 AN EXPLANATION REQUIRED. I said, — "Yon have done well, Harris; tliis report is concise, com- pact, well expressed ; the language is crisp, the descriptions are vivid and not needlessly elaborated ; your report goes straight to the point, attends strictly to business, and doesn't fool around. It is in many ways an excellent document. But it has a fault, — it is too learned, it is much too learned. "What is '■ dinghlatterV " "Dingblatter is a Fiji M'ord meaning 'degrees.'" " You knew the English of it, tlien ? " " O, yes." " What is ' gnillic ? ' " " That is the Esquimaux term for ' snow.'" " So you knew the English for that, too % " "Why certainly." " What does ' mrrihglx ' stand for ? " " That is Zulu for pedestrian." "'Wliile the form of the Wellborn looking down upon it completes the enchanting ' hopx^le^ What is ' hopple? ' " " Picture. It's Choctaw." "What is 'schnmvpf' " Yalley. That is Clioetaw, also." " What is lohcoggoly ? ' " "That is Chinese for 'hill.'" " Kahhaaponeeka f " "Ascent. Choctaw." "But we were again overtaken by' bad hogglehumgullup.'' What does liogglebumgullup mean ? " " That is Chinese for ' weather.' " "Is liogglebumgullup better than the English M'ord ? Is It any more descriptive ? " "No, it means just the same." "And dingblatter and gnillic, — and bopple, and schnawp, ' — are they better tlian the English words? " " No, they mean just what the English ones do ? " " Then why do you use them ? Why have you used all this Chinese and Choctaw and Zulu rubbish ?" CRITICISM ON THE REPORT. 321 " Beo/iuse I didn't know any French but two or three words, and I didn't know any Latin or Greek at all." "That is nothing. "Why should you want to use foreign words, anyhow ? " "To adorn my page. They all do it." " Who is ' all? ' " "Everybody. Everybody that writes elegantly. Any- body has a right to that wants to." "I think you are mistaken." I then proceeded in the fol- lowing scathing manner. "When really learned men write books for other learned men to read, they are justihed in using as many learned words as they please — their audience will understand them ; but a man who writes a book for the general public to read is not justified in dishguring his pages with untranslated foreign expressions. It is an insolence to- ward the majority of the purchasers, for it is a very frank and impudent waj' of sayin-g, ' Get the translations made yourself if you want them, this book is not written for the ignorant classes.' There are men who know a foreign language so well and have used it so long in their daily life that they seem to discharge whole volleys of it into their English writings un- consciously, and so they omit to translate, as much as half the time. That is a great cruelty to nine out of ten of the man's readers. "What is the excuse for this ? The writer would say he only uses the foreign language where the deli- cacy of his point cannot be conveyed in English. Yery well, then he writes his best things for the tenth man, and he ought to warn the other nine not to buy his book. However, the excuse he offers is at least an excuse ; but there is another set of men who are like you : they know a word here and there, of a foreign language, or a few beggarly little three- word phrases, filched from the back of the Dictionary, and these they are continually peppering into their literature, with a pretense of knowing that language, — what excuse can they offer ? The foreign words and phrases which they use have their exact equivalents in a nobler language,— English; yet 322 THE REPORT A.CCEPTED. they think they " adorn their page " when they say Strasse for street, and Bahnhof for railway station, and so on, — flaunting these fluttering rags of poverty in the reader's face and imagining he will be ass enough to take them for the sign of untold riches held in reserve. I will let your 'learning' remain in your report ; you have as much right, I suppose, to 'adorn your page' with Zulu and Chinese and Choctaw rubbish, as others of your sort have to adorn theirs with in- solent odds and ends smouched from half a dozen learned tongues whose ah abs they don't even know." When the musing spider steps upon the red-hot shovel, he first exhibits a wild surprise, then he shrivels up. Similar was the effect of these blistering words upon the tranquil and unsuspecting Agent. I can be dreadfully rough on a person when the mood takes me. CHAPTER XXXI. WE now prepared for a considerable walk, — from Lu- cerne to Interlaken, over the Briinig Pass. But at tlie last moment the weather was so good that I changed my mind and hired a four-horse carriage. It was a huge vehicle, roomj, as easy in its motion as a palanquin, and exceedingly comfortable. We got away pretty early in the morning, after a hot break- fast, and went bowling along over a hard, smooth road, through the summer loveliness of Switzerland, with near and distant lakes and mountains before and about us for the en- tertainment of the eye, and the music of multitudinous birds to charm the ear. Sometimes there was only the width of the road between the imposing precipices on the right and the clear cool water on the left with its shoals of uncMtchable fishes skimming about through the bars of sun and shadow ; and sometimes, in place of the precipices, the grassy land stretched away, in an apparently endless upward slant, and was dotted everywhere with snug little chalets, the peculiarly captivating cottage of Switzerland. The ordinary chalet turns a broad, honest gable end to the road, and its ample roof hovers over the home in a protect- ing caressing way, projecting its sheltering eaves far outward. The quaint windows are filled with little panes, and garnish- ed with white muslin curtains, and brightened with boxes of 323 324 CONTRAST IN BUILDINGS. blooming flowers. Across the front of tlie house, and up the spreading eaves and along the fanciful railings of the shallow porch, are elaborate carvings, — wreaths, fruits, arabesques, verses from Scripture, names, dates, etc. The building is wholly of wood, reddish brown in tint, a very pleasing color. It generally has vines climbing over it. Set such a house against the fresh green of the hillside, and it looks ever so cosy and inviting and picturesque, and is a decidedly graceful addition to the landscape. One does not find out what a hold the chalet has taken upon him, until he presently comes upon a new house,— a house which is aping the town fashions of Germany and NEW AND OLD STYLE. France, a prim, hideous, straight-up-and-down thing, plaster- ed all over on the outside to look like stone, and altogether so stiff, and formal, and ngly and forbidding, and so out of tune with the gracions landscape, and so deaf and dumb and dead to the poetry of its surroundings, that it suggests an un- dertaker at a picnic, a corpse at a wedding, a puritan in Para- dise. In the course of the morning we passed the spot where Pontius Pilate is said to have thrown himself into the lake. The legend goes that after the Crucifixion his conscience troubled him and he fled from Jerusalem and wandered about the earth, weary of life and a prey to tortures of the mind. THE BIRTHPLACE OF SANTA CLAUS. 325 Eventually lie hid himself away, on the heights of Mount Pilatus, and dvrelt alone among the clouds and crags for years ; but rest and peace were still denied him, so he finally put an end to his misery by drowning himself. Presently we passed the place where a man of bettei odor was born. This was the children's friend, Santa Claus or St. Nicholas. There are some unaccountable reputations in the world. This saint's is an in- stance. He has ranked forages as t])e peculiar friend of chil- dren, yet it ap- pears he was not much of a friend to his own. He had ten of them, and when fifty years old he left them, and sought out as dismal a refuge from the world as possible and 1 ecame a hermit in order that he might reliect upon pious themes without being disturbed by the joyous and other noises from the nursery, doubtless. Judging by Pilate and St. Nicholas, there exists no rule for the construction of hermits : they ST. NICHOLAS, THE HEKMiT. scem uiadc out of all kinds of material. But Pilate attended to the matter of expiating his sin while he was alive, whereas St. Nicholas will probably 326 A FASTING HERMIT. have to go on climbing down sooty cliimneys, Christmas Eve, forever, and conferring kindness on other people's chil- dren, to make up for deserting his own. His bones are kept in a church in a village (Sachseln,) which we visited, aud are naturally lield in great rev- erence. His por- trait is common in the farm houses of the region, but is believed by many to be but an indif- ferent likeness. During his hermit life, according to the legend, he par- took of the bread and wine of the communion once a month, but all the rest of the month he fasted. A constant mar- vel with us, as we sped along the ba- ses of the steep mountains on this journey, w^as, not that avalanches oc- cur, but that they are not occurring all the time. One does not understand why rocks and land- slides do not plunge down these declivities daily. A landslip occui-red three quarters of a century ago, on the route from A LANDSLIDE. DISASTROUS LANDSLIDE. 327 Arth to Brunnen, which was a formidable thing. A mass of conglomerate two miles long, a thousand feet broad and a GOLDATI VALLEY BEFORE AND AFTER THE LANDSLIDE. hundred feet thick, broke away from a cliff three tliousand feet high and hurled itself into the valley below, burying four villages and five hundred peop.3, as in a grave. 20 328 ^N OVERSTOCK OF REFRESHMENTS. We had such a beautiful day, and such endless pictures of limpid lakes, and green hills and valleys, and niajebtic n;oui)- taiiis, and milky cataracts dancing down the steeps and gleam- ing in the sun, that we could not help feeling sweet toward all the world ; so we tried to drink all the milk, and eat all the grapes and apricots and berries, and buy all the bouquets of wild iiovvers which tlie little peasant boys and girls oflered for sale ; but we had to retire from this contract, for it was too heavy. At short distances, — and they were entirely too short, — all along the road, were groups of neat and comely children, with their wares nicely and temptingly set forth in the grass under the shade trees, and as soon as we approached tliey swarmed into the road, holding out their baskets and milk bottles, and ran beside the carriage, barefoot and bare- headed, and importuned us to buy. They seldom desisted early, but continued to run and insist, — beside the wagon while they could, and behind it until they lost breath. Then they turned and chased a returning carriage back to their trading post again. After several hours of this, without any intermission, it becomes almost annoying. I do not know what we should h ive done without the returning carriages to draw off the pursuit. However, there were plenty of these, loaded with dusty tourists and piled high with luggage. In- deed, from Lucerne to Interlaken we had the spectacle, among other scenery, of an unbroken procession of fruit pedlars and tourist carriages. Our talk was mostly anticipatory of what we should see on the down grade of the Briinig, by and by, after we should pass the summit. AH our friends in Lucerne liad said tliat to look down upon Meiringen, and tlie rushing blue-gray river Aaar, and the broad level green valley ; and across at the mighty Alpine precipices that rise straight up to the clouds out of that valley ; and up at the microscopic chalets perched upon the dizzy eaves of those precipices and winking dimly and fitfully through the drifting veil of vapor; and still up and up, at the superb Oltschihach and the other beau- tiful cascades that leap from those rugged heights, robed in THE WAY THEY DO IT. 329 powdery spray, ruffled with foam, and girdled witli rainbows — to look upon these things, they said, was to look upon the last possibility of the sublime and the enchanting. There- fore, as I say, we talked mainly of these coming wonders ; if we were conscious of any impatience, it was to get there in favorable season ; if we felt any anxiety, it was that the day might remain perfect, and enable ns to see those marvels at their best. At we approached the Kaiserstuhl, a part of the harness gave way. We were in distress for a moment, but only a moment. It was the fore-and-aft gear that was broken, — the thing that leads aft from the forward part of the horse and is made fast to the thing that pulls the waojon. In America this would have been a heavy leathern strap; but, all over the continent it is nothing but a piece of rope the size of your little linger, — clothes-line is what it is. Cabs use it, private carriages, freight carts and wagons, all sorts of vehicles have it. In Munich I afterwards saw it used on a long wagon laden with fifty-four half-barrels of beer ; I had before noticed that the cabs in Heidelberg used it ; — not new rope, but rope that had been in use since Abraham's time, — and I had felt nervous, sometimes, behind it when the cab was tearing down a hill. But I had long been accustomed to it now, and had even become afraid of the leather strap which belonged in its place. Our driver got a fresh piece of clothes-line out of his locker and repaired the break in two minutes. So much for one European fashion. Every country has its own ways. It may interest the reader to know liow they " put horses to" on the continent. The man stands up the horses on each side of the thing that projects from the front end of the wagon, and then throws the tangled mess of gear on top of the horses, and passes the thing that goes for- ward, through a ring, and hauls it aft. and passes the other thing through the other ring and hauls it aft on the other side of the other horse, opposite to the first one, after cross- ing them and bringing the loose end back, and then buckles 330 A DIFFICULT OPERATION. the other thing underneath the horse, and takes anotlier thing and wraps it around the thing I spoke of before, and puts another thing over each horse's head, with broad flappers to it to keep the dust out of his eyes, and puts tlie iron thing in his mouth for him to grit his teeth on, up hill, and THE WAT THKY DO IT. brings the ends of these things aft over his back, after buck- ling another one around under his neck to hold his head up, and hitching another thing on a thing that goes over his shouldei's to keep his head up when he is climbing a hill, and then takes the slack of the thing which I mentioned a while ago, and fetches it aft and makes it fast to the thing that pulls the wagon, and hands the other things up to the driver to steer with. I never have buckled up a horse myself, but I do not think wc do it that way. We had four very handsome horses, and the driver was very proud of his turn-out. He would bowl along on a reasonable trot, on thu highway, but when he entered a A GREAT MAN. 331 village he did it on a furious run, and accompanied it with a frenzy of ceaseless whip crackings that sounded like volleys of musketry. He tore through the narrow streets and around the sharp curves like a moving earthquake, shower- ing his volleys as he went, and before him swept a continu- ous tidal wave of scampering children, ducks, cats, and mothers clasping babies which they had snatched out of the way of the coming destruction ; and as this living wave washed aside, along the walls, its elements, being safe, foro-ot their fears and turned theiradmiring gaze upon that gallant driver till he thun- dered around the next curve and was lost to sight. He was a great man to tlios e vil- lagers, with his gaudy clothes and his terrific ways. Whenever he stop- ped to have his cattle watered and fed with loaves of bread, the villagers stood around admiring him while he swag- gered about, the lit- tle boys gazed up at his face with hum- ble homage, and the landlord brought OUR GALLANT DKivisB. out f oamlug mugs of beer and conversed proudly with him while he drank. Then he mounted his lofty box, swung his explosive whip, and away he went again, like a storm. 1 had not seen anything like this before since I was a boy, and the stage used to flour-^ ish through the village with the dust flying and the horn tooting. 332 HONORS TO A HERO. When we reached the base of the Kaiserstiihl, we took two more horses ; we had to toil along with difficulty for an hour and a half or two hours, for the ascent was not very gradual, but when we passed the backbone and approached the station, the driver surpassed all his previous efforts in the way of rush and clatter. He could not have six horses all the time, so he made the most of his chance while he had it. Up to this point we had been in the heart of the William Tell region. The hero is not forgotten, by any means, or held in doubtful veneration. His wooden image, with his bow drawn, above the doors of taverns, was a frequent fea- ture of the scenery. About noon we arrived at the foot of the Briinig pass, and made a two-hour stop at the village hotel, another of those clean, pretty and thoroughly well kept inns which are sncH an astonishment to people who are accustomed to hotels of a dismally different pattern in remote country towns. There was a lake here, in the lap of the great mountains, the green slopes that rose toward the lower crags were graced with scattered Swiss cottages nestling among miniature farms and gardens, and from out a leafy ambuscade in the upper heights tumbled a brawling cataract. Carriage after carriage, laden with tourists and trunks, ar- rived, and the quiet hotel was soon populous. We were early at the table d'hote and saw the people all come in. There were twenty-five, perhaps. They were of various nationali- ties, but we were the only Americans. Next to me sat an English bride, and next to her sat her new husband, whom she called " ISTeddy," though he was big enough and stalwart enough to be entitled to his full name. They had a pretty little lover's quarrel over what wine they should have. Ned- dy was for obeying the guide-book and taking the wine of the country ; but the bride said, — " What, that nahsty stuff! " " It isn't nahsty, Pet, it's quite good." " It is nahsty." THE MOUNTAIN PASS. A THIRSTY BRIDE. 333 "No, it isnH nahsty." " It's of ul nahsty, ISTeddy, and I shanh't drink it." Then the question was, what she must have. She said he knew very well that she never drank anything but champaign. She added, — " You know very well papa always has cham- paign on his table, and I've always been used to it." Neddy made a play- ful pretense of being distressed about the ex- pense, and this amused her so much that she nearly exhausted her- self with laughter, — and this pleased him so much that he repeated his jest a couple of times, and added new and killing varie- ties to it. When the bride finally recovered, she gave Neddy a love-box on the arm with her fan, and said with arch sever- ity,— "Well, you would have me, — nothing else would do, — so you'll have to make the best of a bad bargain. Do order the champaign, I'm cful dry," So with a mock groan which made her laugh again, Neddy ordered the champaign. The fact that this young woman had never moistened the selvedge edge of her soul with a less plebeian tipple than champaign, had a marked and subduing effect upon Harris. He believed she belonged to the royal family. But I had my doubts. IM OFOL DRY. 334 A GERMAN TOILET ROOM. We heard two or three different languages spoken by peo- ple at the table and guessed out the nationalities of most of the guests to our satisfaction, but we failed with an elderly gentleman and his wife and a young girl who sat opposite us, and with a gentleman of a- b o u t thirty -live who sat three seats beyond Harris. We did not hear any of these speak. But finally the last named gentleman left while we were not noticing, but we looked up as he reached the far end of the table. He stopped there, a moment, and made his toilet with a pocket comb. So he was a German ; or else he had lived in German hotels long enough to catch the fashion. When the elderly couple and the yonng girl rose to leave, they bowed respectfully to us. So they it's the fashion. were Germans, too. This national custom is worth six of the other one, for export. After dinner we talked with several Englishmen, and they inflamed our desire to a hotter degree than ever, to see the sights of Meiringen from the heights of the Briinig pass. They said the view was marvelous, and that one who had seen it once could never forget it. They also spoke of the romantic nature of the road over the pass, and how in one place it had been cut through a flank of the solid rock, in such a way that the mountain overhung the tourist as he pass- ed by ; and they furthermore said that the sharp turns in the road, and the abruptness of the descent, would afford us a thrilling experience, for we should go down in a flying BUILDING CASTLES. 335 gallop and seem to be spinning around the rings of a whirl- wind, like a drop of whisky descending the spirals of a cork- screw. I got all the information out of these gentlemen that we could need ; and then, to make every thing complete, I asked them if a body could get hold of a little fruit and milk here and there, in case of ne- cessity. They threw up their hands in speechless intimation that the road was simply paved with refreshment pedlars. We were impatient to get away, now, and the rest of our two- h o u r stop ra- ther dragged. But finally the set time arriv- ed and we be- gan the ascent. Indeed it was a wonderful road. It was smooth, and compact, and clean, and the side next the precipices was guarded all along by dress- WHAT WE EXPECTED. ed StOUC pOStS about three feet high, placed at short distances apart. The road could not have been better built if Kapoleon the First liad built it. He seems to have been the introducer of the sort of roads which Europe now uses. All literature which 336 SOLID COMFORT. describes life as it existed in England, France and Germany up to the close of the last century, is filled with pictures of coaches and carriages wallowing through these three countries in mud and slush half-wheel deep; but after Napoleon had floundered through a conquered kingdom he generally arrang- ed things so that the rest of the world could follow dry shod. We went on climbing, higher and higher, and curving hith- er and thither, in the shade of noble woods, and with a rich variety and profusion of wild flowers all about us ; and glimp- ses of rounded grassy back-bones below us occupied by trim chalets and nibbling sheep, and other glimpses of far lower altitudes, where distance diminished the chalets to toys and obliterated the sheep altogether ; and every now and then some ermined monarch of the Alps swung magnificently into" view for a moment, then drifted past an intervening spur and disappeared again. It was an intoxicating trip, altogether ; the exceeding sense of satisfaction that follows a good dinner added largely to the enjoyment ; the having something especial to look forward to, and muse about, like the approaching grandeurs of Meir- ingen, sharpened the zest. Smoking was never so good before, solid comfort was never solider ; we lay back against the thick cushions, silent, meditative, steeped in felicity. w w w TT w I rubbed my eyes, opened them, and started. I had been dreaming I was at sea, and it was a thrilling surprise to wake up and find land all around me. It took me a couple of sec- onds to " come to," as you may say ; then I took in the sit- uation. The horses were drinking at a trough in the edge of a town, the driver was taking beer, Harris was snoring at my side, the courier, with folded arms and bowed head, was sleeping on the box, two dozen barefooted and bareheaded children were gathered about the carriage, Mnth their hands crossed behind, gazing up with serious and innocent admira- tion at the dozing tourists baking there in the sun. Seve- ral small girls held night-capped babies nearly as big as A BURST BUBBLE. 339 themselves in tlieir arms, and even these fat babies seemed to take a sort of sluggish interest in us. We had slept an hour and a half and missed all the scenery I I did not need anybody to tell me that. If I had been a girl, I could have cursed for vexation. As it was, I woke up the agent and gave him a piece of my mind. Instead of being humilitated, he only upbraided me for being so wanting in vigilance. He said he had expected to improve his mind by coming to Europe, but a man might travel to the ends of the earth with me and never see anything, for I was manifestly endowed with the very genius of ill luck. He even tried to get up some emotion about that poor courier, who never got a chance to see anything, on account of mj heedlessness. But w^hen I thought I had borne about enough of this kind of talk, I threatened to make Harris tramp back to the sum mit and make a report on that scenery, and this suggestion spiked his battery. We drove sullenly through Brienz, dead to the seductions of its bewildering array of Swiss carvings and the clamorous hoo-hoo'mg of its cuckoo clocks, and had not entirely recov- ered our spirits when we rattled across the bridge over the rushing blue river and entered the pretty town of Interlaken, It was just about sunset, and we had made the trip from Lu- cerne in ten hours. CHAPTER XXXII. WE located ourselves at the Jimgfrau Hotel, one of those huge establishments which the needs of modern travel have created in every attractive spot on the continent. There was a great gathering at dinner, and as usual one heard all sorts of languages. The table d'hote was served by waitresses dressed in the quaint and comely costume. of the Swiss peasants. This con- sists of a simple gro3 de laine, trimmed with ashes of roses, with oversldrt of sacre bleu ventre saint gris, cut bias on the offside, with facings of petit polonaise and narrow insertions of pate de fois gras backstitched to the mise en scene in the form of a jeu d'esprit. It gives to the wearer a singularly piquant and alluring aspect. One of these waitresses, a woman of forty, had side whis- kers reaching half way down her jaw. Tliey were two fingers broad, dark in color, pretty thick, and the hairs were an inch long. One sees many women on the continent with quite conspicuous moustaches, but this was the only woman I saw who had reached the dignity of whiskers. After dinner the guests of both sexes distributed themselves about the front porches and the ornamental grounds belong- ing to the hotel, to enjoy the cool air; but as the twilight deepened toward darkness, they gathered themselves together in that saddest and solemnest and most constrained of all 340 A MUSICAL DISPLAY. 341 places, the great blank drawing room which is a chief feature of all continental summer hotels. There they grouped themselves about, in couples and threes, and mumbled in bated voices, and looked timid and homeless and forlorn. There was a small piano in this room, a clattery, wheezy, asthmatic thing, certainly the very worst miscarriage in the way of a piano that the world has seen. In turn, five or six dejected and homesick ladies approached it doubtingly, gave it a single inquiring thump, and retired with the lockjaw. But the boss of that instrument was to come, nevertheless ; and from my own country,— from Arkansaw. She was a bran-new bride, innocent, girlish, happy in herself and her grave and worshiping stripling of a husband ; she was about eighteen, just out of school, free from affectations, uncon- scious of that passionless multitude around her; and the very first time she smote that old wreck one recognized that it had met its des- tiny. Her stripling brought an armful of aged sheet music from their room, — for this bride went " heeled," ^as you might say, — and ^bent himself lovingly {^^^pover and got ready to turn the pages. The bride fetched a swoop with her fingers from one end of the key- board to the other, just to get her bearings, as it were, and you could see the congre- gation set their teeth with the agony of it. Tlien, without any more preliminaries, she turned on all the horrors of the "Battle of Prague," that venerable shivaree, and waded chin deep in the bhiod of the slain. Slie made a fair and honorable average of two false notes in every five, but her THE TODNG BRIDE. 342 REVERENCE FOR PERFECTION. Boul was in arms and she never stopped to correct. The audience stood it M'itli pretty fair grit for a while, but wheu the cannonade waxed hotter and fiercer, and the discord- avera(>-e rose to four in five, the procession began to move. A few stragglers held their ground ten minutes longer, but when the girl began to wring the true inwardness out of the " cries of the wounded," they struck their colors and retired in a kind of panic. There never was a completer victory; I was the only non- combatant left on the field. I would not have deserted my countrywoman anyhow, but indeed I had no desires in that direction. None of us like mediocrity, but we all reverence " IT WAS A FAMOUS VICTORY." perfection. This girl's music was perfection in its way ; it was the worst music that had ever been achieved on our planet by a mere human being. 1 moved up close, and never lost a strain. When she got through, I asked her to play it again. She did it with a A LOOK FROM MY WINDOW. 345 pleased alacrity and a heightened enthusiasm. She made it all discords, this time. She got an amount of anguish into the cries of the wounded that shed a new light on human suffering. She was on the war path all the evening. All the time, crowds of people gathered on the porches and pressed their noses against the windows to look and marvel, bat the bravest never ventured in. The bride went off sat- isfied and happj with her young fellow, when her appetite was finally gorged, and the tourists swarmed in again. What a change has come over Switzerland, and in fact all Europe, during this century. Seventy or eighty years ago Napoleon was the only man in Europe who could really be called a traveler; he was the only man who had devoted his attention to it and taken a powerful interest in it ; he was the cnly man who had traveled extensively ; but now every- body goes everywhere; and Switzerland, and many other regions which were unvisited and unknown remotenesses a hundred years ago, are in our days a buzzing hive of rest- less strangers every summer. But I digress. In the morning, when we looked out of our windows, we saw a wonderful sight. Across the valley, and apparently quite neighborly and close at hand, the giant form of the Jungfrau rose cold and white into the clear sky, beyond a gateway in the nearer highlands. It reminded me, somehow, of one of those colossal billows which swells suddenly up beside one's ship, at sea, sometimes, with- its crest and shoul- ders snowy white, and the rest of its noble proportions streaked downward with creamy foam. I took out my sketch book and made a little picture of the Jungfrau, merely to get the shape : 1 do not regard this as one of my finished Morks, in fact I do not rank it among my Works, at all; it is only a study ; it is hardly more than what one might call a sketch. Other artists have done me the grace to admire it ; but I am severe in my judgments of my own pictures, and this one does not move me. 346 ABOUT THE JUNGFRAU. It was hard to believe that that lofty wooded rampart on the left which so overtops the Jungfrau was not actually the higher of the two, but it was not, of course. It is only 2,000 or 3,000 feet high, and of course has no snow upon it in sum- mer, whereas the Jungfrau is not much short of 14,000 feet high and therefore that lowest verge of snow — on her side, which seems nearly down to the valley level, is really about seven thousand feet higher up in the air than the summit of that wooded rampart. It is the distance that makes the de- ception. The wooded height is but four or five miles remov- ed from us, but the Jungfrau is four or five times that dis- tance away. Walking down the street of shops, in the forenoon, I was attracted by a large picture, carved, frame and all, from a single block of chocolate-colored wood. There are people who know everything. Some of these had told us that con- tinental shop-keepers always raise their prices on English and Americfins. Many people had told us it was expensive to buy things through a courier, whereas I had supposed it was jnst the reverse. When I saw this picture I conject- ured that it was worth more than the friend I proposed to buy it for would like to pay, but still it was worth while to inquire ; so I told the courier to step in and ask the price. SHOPPING IN INTERLAKEN. 347 as if he wanted it for himself ; I told him not to speak in English, and above all not to reveal the fact that he was a courier. Then I moved on a few yards, and waited. The courier came presently and reported the price. I said to myself, " It is a hundred francs too much," and so dismissed the matter from my mind. Bnt in the afternoon I was passing that place with Harris, and the picture attract- ed me again. We stepped in, to see how much higher broken German would raise the price. The shopwoman named a figure just a hundred francs lower than the courier had named. This was a pleasant surprise. I said I would take it. After I had given directions as to where it was to be shipped, the shopwoman said, appealingly, — " If you please, do not let your courier know you bought it." This was an unexpected remark. I said, — "What makes you think I have a courier? " " Ah, that is very simple ; he told me himself." " He was very thoughtful. But tell me, — why did you charge him more than you are charging me ? " "That is very simple, also : I do not have to pay you a percentage." " O, I begin to see. Tou would have had to pay the courier a percentage." " Undoubtedly. The courier always has his percentage. In this case it would have been a hundred francs." " Then the tradesman does not pay a part of it, — the pur- chaser pays all of it ? " " There are occasions when the tradesman and the courier agree upon a price which is twice or thrice the value of the article, then the two divide, and both get a percentage." " I see. But it seems to me that the purchaser does all the paying, even then." " O, to be sure ! It goes without saying." " But I have bought this picture myself ; therefore why shouldn't the courier know it ? " 21 348 A MYSTERY SOLVED. The woman exclaimed, in distress, — " Ah, indeed it would take all my little profit ! He would come and demand his hundred francs, and I should have to pay." " He has not done the buying. You could refuse." " I could not dare to refuse. He would never bring trav- elers here again. More than that, he would denounce me to the other couriers, they would divert custom from me, and my business would be injured." I went away in a thoughtful frame of mind. I began to see why a courier could afford to work for $55 a month and his fares. A month or two later I was able to understand why a courier did not have to pay any board and lodging, and why my hotel bills were always larger when I had him with me than when I left him behind, somewhere, for a few days. Another thing was also explained, now, apparently. In one town I had taken the courier to the bank to do the trans- lating when I drew some money. I had sat in the reading room till the transaction was finished. Then a clerk had brought the money to me in person, and had been exceed- ingly polite, even going so far as to precede me to the door and hold it open for me and bow me out as if I had been a distinguished personage. It was a new experience. Ex- change had been in my favor ever since I had been in Eu- rope, but just that one time. I got simply the face of my draft, and no extra francs, whereas I had expected to get quite a number of them. This was the first time I had ever used the courier at a bank. I had suspected something then, and as long as he remained with me afterward I managed bank matters by myself. Still, if I felt that I could afibrd the tax, I would never travel without a courier, for a good courier is a convenience whose value cannot be estimated in dollars and cents. "With- out him, travel is a bitter harassment, a purgatory of little exasperating annoyances, a ceaseless and pitiless punishment, NECESSITY FOU A COURIER. 351 — I mean to an irascible man who has no business capacity and is confused by details. Without a courier, travel hasn't a ray of pleasure in it, any- where ; but with him it is a continuous and unruffled delight. He is always at hand, never has to be sent for; if your bell is not answered promptly, — and it seldom is, — you have only to open the door and speak, the courier will hear, and he will have the order attended to or raise an insurrection. You tell him what day you will start, and whither you are going, — leave all the rest to him. You need not inquire about trains, or fares, or car changes, or hotels, or anything else. At the proper time he will pat you in a cab or an omnibus, and drive you to the train or the boat ; he has packed your luggage and transferred it, he has paid all the bills. Other people have "WITHOUT A COUKIEK. preceded you half an hour to scramble for impossible places and lose their tempers, but you can take your time, the cour- ier has secured your seats for you, and you can occupy them at your leisure. At the station, the crowd mash one another to pulp in the effort to get the weigher's attention to their trunks ; they 352 WITH A COURIER AND WITHOUT. dispute hotly with these tyrants, who are cool and indifferent ; they get their baggage billets, at last, and then have another squeeze and another rage over the disheartening business of trying to get them recorded and paid for, and still another over the equally disheartening business of trying to get near enough to the ticket office to buy a ticket ; and now, with their tempers gone to the dogs, they must &tand penned up and packed together, laden with wraps and satchels and shawl straps, with the weary wife and babies, in the waiting room, till the doors are thrown open — and then all hands make a grand final rush to the train, find it full, and have to stand TRAVELING WITH A COURIER. on the platform and fret until some more cars are put on. They are in a condition to kill somebody by this time. Mean- time you have been sitting in your car, smoking, and observ- ing all this misery in the extremest comfort. On the journey the guard is polite and watchful, — won't allow anybody to get into your compartment, — tells them you BENEFITS FROM A COURIER. 353 are just recovering from tlie small-pox and do not like to be disturbed. For the courier has made everything right with the guard. At way stations the courier comes to jour com- partment to see if you want a glass of water, or a newspaper, or anything ; at eating stations he sends luncheon out to you, while the other people scramble and worry in the dining rooms. If anything breaks, about the car you are in, and a station master proposes to pack you and your Agent into a compartment with strangers, the courier reveals to him con- fidentially that you are a French duke born deaf and dumb, and the official comes and makes affable signs that he has or- dered a choice car to be added to the train for you. At custom houses the multitude file tediously through, hot and irritated, and look on while the officers burrow into the trunks and make a mess of everything; but you hand your keys to the courier and sit still. Perhaps you arrive at yonr destination in a rainstorm at ten at night, — you generally do. The multitude spend half an hour verifying their baggage and getting it transferred to the omnibuses ; but the courier puts you into a vehicle without a moment's loss of time, and when you reach your hotel you find your rooms have been secured two or tliree days in advance, everything is ready, you can go at once to bed. Some of those other people will have to drift around to two or three hotels, in the rain, be- fore they find accommodations. I have not set down half of the virtues that are vested in a good courier, but I think I have set down a sufficiency of them to show that an irritable man who can afford one and does not employ him, is not a wise economist. My courier was the worst one in Europe, yet he was a good deal better than none at all. It could not pay him to be a better one than he was, because I could not afford to buy things through him. He was a good enough courier for the small amount he got out of his service. Yes, to travel with a courier is bliss, to travel without one is the reverse. I have had dealings with some very bad couriers ; but I 354: AN EXCELLENT COURIER. have also had dealings with one who might fairly be called perfection. He was a young Polander, named Joseph N. Yerey. He spoke eight languages, and seemed to be equally at home in all of them ; he was shrewd, prompt, posted, and punctual ; he was fertile iu resources, and singularly gifted in the matter of overcoming difficulties ; he not only knew how to do everything in his line, but he knew the best ways and the quickest ; he was handy with children and invalids ; all his employer needed to do was to take iife easy and leave everything to the courier. His address is, care of Messrs. Gay & Son, Strand, London ; he w^as formerly a conductor of Gay's tourist parties. Excellent couriers are somewhat rare ; if the reader is about to travel, he will find it to his advan- tSLi^e to make a note of this one. CHAPTER XXXm. THE beautiful Giesbacli Fall is near Interlaken, on the other side of the lake of Brienz, and is illuminated every night with those gorgeous theatrical fires whose name 1 cannot call just at this moment. This was said to be a spectacle which the tourist ought by no means to miss. I was strongly tempted, but I could not go there with propriety, because one goes in a boat. The task which I had set myself was to walk over Europe on foot, not skim over it in a boat. I had made a tacit contract with myself; it was my duty to abide by it. I was willing to make boat trips for pleasure, but I could not conscientiously make them in the way of business. It cost me something of a pang to lose that fine sight, but I lived down the desire, and gained in my self-respect through the triumph. I had a finer and a grander sight, however, where I wag. This was the mighty dome of the Jungfrau softly outlined against the sky and faintly silvered by the starlight. There was something subduing in the in- fluence of that silent and solemn and awful presence ; one seoraed to meet the immutable, the indestructible, the eternal, face to face, and to feel the trivial and fleeting nature of his own existence the more sharply by the contrast. One had the sense of being under the brooding contemplation of a spirit, not an inert mass of rocks and ice, — a spirit which had looked down, through the slow drift of the ages, upon a million vanished races of men, and judged them ; and would judge a million more, — and still be there, watching, unchang- 355 356 THE SPIRIT OF THE ALPS, ed and unchangeable, after all life should be gone and the earth have become a vacant desolation. While I was feeling these things, I was groping, without knowing it, toward an understanding of what the spell is which people lind in the Alps, and in no other mountains, — that strange, deep, nameless influence, which, once felt, cannot be forgotten, — once felt, leaves alwajs behind it a restless longing to feel it again, — a longing which is like homesickness; a grieving, haunting yearning, which will plead, implore, and persecute till it has its will. I met doz- ens of people, imaginative and unimaginative, cultivated and uncultivated, who had come from far countries and roamed through the Swiss Alps year after year, — they could not ex- plain why. They had come first, they said, out of idle curi- osity, because everybody talked about it ; they had come since because they could not help it, and thej^ should keep on coming, while they lived, for the same reason ; they had tried to break their chains and stay away, but it was futile ; now, they had no desire to break them. Others came nearer ■formulating what they felt : they said they could find perfect rest and peace nowhere else when they were troubled : all frets and worries and chafings sank to sleep in the presence of the benignant serenity of the Alps ; the Great Spirit of the Mountain breathed his own peace upon their hurt minds and sore hearts, and healed them; they could not think base thoughts or do mean and sordid things here, before the visi- ble throne of God. Down the road a piece was a Kursaal, — whatever that may be, — and we joined the human tide to see what sort of enjoy- ment it might afi'ord. It was the usual open-air concert, in an ornamental garden, with wines, beer, milk, whey, grapes, etc., — the whey and the grapes being necessaries of life to cer- tain invalids whom physicians cannot repair, and who only continue to exist by the grace of whey or grapes. One of these departed spirits told me, in a sad and lifeless way, that there was no way for him to live but by whey ; never drank anything, now, but whey, and dearly, dearly loved whey, he NEW MEDICAL AGENTS. 357 didn't know whey he did, but he did. After making this pun he died, — that is the whey it served him. Some other remains, preserved from decomposition by the grape system, told me that the grapes were of a peculiar breed, highly medicinal in their nature, and that they were counted out and administered by the grape-doctors as methodically as if they were pills. The new patient, if very feeble, began with one grape before breakfast, took three during breakfast, a couple between meals, five at luncheon, three in the after- noon, seven at dinner, four for supper, and part of a grape just before going to bed, by way of a general regulator. The quantity was gradually and regularly increased, according to the needs and capacities of the patient, until by and by you would find him disposing of his one grape per second all the day long, and his regular barrel per day. He said that men cured in this way, and enabled to discard the grape system, never afterward got over the habit of talk- ing as if they were dictating to a slow amanuensis, because GRAPE AND WHEY PATIENTS. they always made a pause between each two words while they sucked the substance out of an imaginary grape. He said these were tedious people to talk with. He said that men who had been cured by tlie other process were easily distin- guished from the rest of mankind because they always tilted 358 A FORMIDABLE ENTERPRISE CONCEIVED. their heads back, between every two words, and swallowed a swig of imaginary whey. He said it was an impressive thing to observe two men, who had been cured by the two processes, engaged in conversation, — said their pauses and accompany- ing movements were so continuous and regular that a stran- ger would think himself in the presence of a couple of auto- matic machines. One finds out a great many wonderful things, by traveling, if he stumbles upon the right person. I did not remain long at the Kursaal; the music was good enough, but it seemed rather tame after the cyclone of that Arkansaw expert. Besides, my adventurous spirit had con- ceived a formidable enterprise — nothing less than a trip from Interlaken, by the Gemmi and Yisp, clear to Zermatt, on foot ! So it was necessary to plan the details, and get ready for an early start. The courier (this was not the one I have just been speaking of,) thought that the portier of the hotel would be able to tell us how to find our way. And so it turn- ed out. He showed us the whole thing, on a relief-map, and we could see our route, with all its elevations and depressions, its villages and its rivers, as clearly as if we were sailing over it in a balloon. A relief-map is a great thing. The portier also wrote down each day's journey and the nightly hotel on a piece of paper, and made our course so plain that we should never be able to get lost without high-priced outside help. I put the courier in the care of a gentleman who was going to Lausanne, and then we went to bed, after laying out the walking costumes and putting them into condition for instant occupation in the morning. However, when we came down to breakfast at 8 a. m., it looked so much like rain that I hired a two-horse top-buggy for the first third of the journey. For two or three hours we jogged along the level road which skirts the beautiful lake of Thun, with a dim and dreamlike picture of watery ex- panses and spectral Alpine forms always before us, veiled in a mellowing mist. Then a steady down-pour set in, and hid everything but the nearest objects. We kept the rain out of A PAIR OF JOLLY DRIVERS. 359 our faces with umbrellas, and away from our bodies with the leather apron of the buggy ; but the driver sat unsheltered and placidly soaked the weather in and seemed to like it. We had the road all to ourselves, and I never had a pleas- anter excursion. The weather began to clear while we were driving up a valley called the Kienthal, and presently a vast black cloud- bank in front of us dissolved away and uncurtained the grand proportions and the soaring loftinesses of the Bluniis Alp. It was a sort of breath taking surprise ; for we had not sup- posed there was anything behind that low-hung blanket of sable cloud but level valley. What we had been mistaking for fleeting glimpses of sky away aloft there, were really patch- es of the Blumis's snowy crest caught through shredded rents in the drifting pall of vapor. We dined in the inn at Frutigen, and our driver ought to have dined there, too, but he would not have had time to dine and get drunk both, so he gave his mind to making a master- piece of the latter, and succeeded. A German gentleman and his two young lady daughters had been J:aking their noon- ing at the inn, and when they left, just ahead of us, it was plain that their driver was as drunk as ours, and as happy and good natured, too, which was saying a good deal. These rascals overflowed with attentions and information for their guests, and with brotherly love for each other. They tied their reins, and took ofi* their coats and hats, so that they might be able to give unencumbered attention to conversa- tion and to the gestures necessary for its illustration. The road was smooth ; it led up and over and down a con- tinual succession of hills ; but it was narrow, the horses were used to it, and could not well get out of it anyhow ; so why shouldn't the drivers entertain themselves and us ? The noses of our horses projected sociably into the rear of the forward carriage, and as we toiled up the long hills our driver stood up and talked to his friend, and his friend stood up and talked back to him, with his rear to the scenery. When the top 360 A CHEERFUL RIDE. was reached and we went flying down the other side, there was no change in the program. I carry in my memory yet, the picture of that forward driver, on his knees on his high seat, resting iiis elbows on its back, and beaming down on his SOCIABLE DRIVERS. passengers, with happy eye, and flying hair, and jolly red face, and oflering his card to the old German gentleman while he praised his hack and horses and both teams were whizzing down a long hill with nobody in a position to tell whether we were bound to destruction or an undeserved safety. Toward sunset we entered a beautiful green valley dotted with chalets, a cosy little domain hidden away from the busy world in a cloistered nook among giant precipices topped with snowy peaks that seemed to float like islands above the curling surf of the sea of vapor that severed them from the lower world. Down from vague and vaporous heights, little ruflled zigzag milky currents came crawling, and found their way to the verge of one of those tremendous overhanging KANDERSTEQ VALLEY. 361 walls, whence tbej plunged, a shaft of silver, shivered to atoms in mid-descent and turned to an airj puff of luminous dust. Here and there, in groov- ed depressions among the snowj desolations of tlie upper altitudes, one glimpsed the extremity of a glacier, with i t s sea- green and honey -com bed battlements of ice. Up the valley, under a dizzy precipice, nestled the village of Kander- steg, our halting place for the niglit. We were soon there, and housed i n the hotel. But the waning day had such an inviting influence that we did not remain housed many moments, but struck out and followed a roar- ing torrent of ice water up to its far source in a sort of little grass-carpet- ed parlor, walled in all around by vast precipices and o\'erlooked by cluster- ing summits of ice. This was the snuggest little croquet ground imagina- ble; it was perfectly level, and not more than a mile long by half a mile wide. The walls around it were so gigantic, and everything about it was on so mighty a scale that it was A MOUNTAIN CASCADE. 362 AN ALPINE PARLOR. belittled, by contrast, to what I have likened it to, — a cosy and carpeted parlor. It was so high above the Kandersteg valley that there was noth- ing between it and the snow peaks. I had never been in such intimate relations with the high altitudes before; the snow peaks had always been remote and unapproachable grand- eurs, hitherto, but now we were hob-a- nob, — if one may use such a seemingly irreverent expression about creations so august as these. We could see the streams which fed the torrent we had followed issuing from under the greenish ramparts of glaciers ; but two 01 three of these, instead of flowing over the preci- pices, sank down into the rock and sprang in big jets out of holes in the mid-face of the walls. The green nook which I have been describing is called the Gasternthal. The glacier streams gather and flow through THE GASTERNTHAL. EXERCISE AND AMUSEMENT. 363 it in a broad and riishing brook to a narrow cleft between loftj precipices ; here the rushing brook becomes a mad tor- rent and goes booming and thundering down toward Kan- dersteg, lashing and thrash- its way over and among monster bowlders, and hurl- ing chance roots and logs a- bout like straws. There was no lack of cascades along tliib route. The path by the side of the torrent was so nai row that one had to look bharp, when he heard a cow bell, and hunt for a place that was wide enough to accom- modate a cow and a Chris- tian side by side, and such places were not always to be had at an instant's notice. The cows wear church bells, )t and that is a good idea in the cows, for where that torrent is, you couldn't hear an ordin- ary cow-bell any further t h a n you could hear the ticking of a watch. I needed exer- cise, so I e m - EXHILARATING spoET. ployed mv agent in setting stranded logs and dead trees adrift, and I sat on a bowlder and watched them go whirling and leaping head 364: A RACE WITH A LOG. over heels down the boiling torrent. It was a wonderfully exhilarating spectacle. When I had had exercise enough, I made the agent take some, by running a race with one of those logs. I made a trilie by betting on the log. After dinner we had a walk up and down the quiet Kan- dersteg valley, in the soft gloaming, with the spectacle of the dj'ing lights of day playing about the crests and pinna- cles of the still and solemn upper realm for contrast, and text for talk. There were no sounds but the dulled com- plaining of the torrent and the occasional tinkling of a dis- tant bell. The spirit of the place was a sense of deep, per- vading peace ; one might dream his life tranquilly away there, and hot miss it or mind it when it was gone. The summer departed with the sun, and winter came with the stars. It grew to be a bitter night in that little hotel, backed up against a precipice that had no visible top to it, but we kept warm, and woke in time in the morning to find that everybody else had left for the Gemmi three hours before, — so our little plan of helping that German family (principally the old man,) over the Pass, was a blocked generosity. CHAPTEE XXXIV. WE hired tlie only guide left, to lead us on our way. He was over seventy, but he could have given me nine-tenths of his strength and still had all his age entitled him to. He shouldered our satchels, overcoats, and alpen- stocks, and we set out up the steep path. It was hot w^ork. The old man soon begged us to hand over our coats and waistcoats to him to carry, too, and we did it : one could not refuse so little a thing to a poor old man like that ; he should have had them if he had been a hundred and fifty. When we began that ascent, we could see a microscopic chalet perched away up against heaven on what seemed to be the highest mountain near us. It was on our right, across the narrow head of the valley. But when we got up abreast it on its own level, mountains were towering high above on every hand, and we saw that its altitude was just about that of the little Gasternthal M^hich we had visited the evening before. Still it seemed a long way up in the air, in that waste and lonely wilderness of rocks. It had an un- fenced grass-plot in front of it which seemed abont as big as a billiard table, and this grass plot slanted so sharply down- wards, and was so brief, and ended so exceedingly soon at the verge of the absolute precipice, that it was a shuddery thing to think of a person's venturing to trust his foot on an incline so situated at all. Suppose a man stepped on an 22 365 366 A DANGEROUS HABITATION. orange peel in that yard : there would be nothing for him to seize ; nothing could keep him from rolling ; five revolu- tions would bring him to the edge, and over he would go. What a frightful distance he would fall ! — for there are very few birds that fly as high as his starting-point. He would strike and bounce, two or three times, on his way down, but this would be no advantage to him. I would as soon take an airing on the slant of a rainbow as in such a front yard. I would rather, in fact, for the dis- tance down would be about the same, and it is pleasant- er to slide than to bounce. I could not see how the peasants got up to that chalet, — the region seemed too steep for anything but a balloon. As we strolled on climbing up high- er and higher, we were continually bringing neighbor- WHAT MIGHT BE. iug poaks luto vlcw and lofty prominence which had been hidden behind lower peaks before ; so by and by, while standing before a group of these giants, we looked around for the chalet again : there it was, away down below us, apparently on an inconspicuous ridge in the valley 1 It was as far below us, now, as it had been above us when we were beginning the ascent. After a while the path led us along a railed precipice, and we looked over— far beneath us was the snug parlor again, the little Gasternthal, with its water jets spouting from the MOUNTAIN FLOWERS. 367 face of its rock walls. We could have dropped a stone into it. We had been finding the top of the world all along — and always finding a still higher top stealing into view in a disappointing way just ahead : when we looked down into the Gasternthal we felt pretty sure that we had reached the genuine top at last, but it was not so; there were much higher altitudes to be scaled yet. We were still in the pleasant shade of -''^. ^ forest t r e e s , we * "^ -^ were still in a re- gion which was cushioned with beautiful mosses and aglow with the many-tinted lustre of innumer- able wild flowers. We found, i n- deed, more inter- est in the wild flowers than in anything else. W e gathered a specimen or two of every kind which we were unacquainted with ; so we had sumptuous b O U - an alpine bouquet. quets. But one of the chief interests lay in chasing the seasons of the year up the mountain, and determining thiem by the presence of flowers and berries which we were ac- quainted with. For instance, it was the end of August at the level of the sea ; in the Kandersteg valley at the base of the Pass, we found flowers which would not be due at the sea level for two or three weeks ; higher up, we entered October, 368 EMBRYO LIONS. and gathered fringed gentians. I made no notes, and have forgotten the details, but the construction of the floral calen- dar was very entertaining while it lasted. In the high regions we found rich store of the splendid red flower called the Alpine rose, but we did not tind any exam- ples of the ugly Swiss favorite called Edelweiss. Its name seems to indicate that it is a noble flower and that it is white. It may be noble enough, but it is not attractive, and it is not white. The fuzzy blossom is the color of bad cigar ashes, and appears to be made of a cheap quality of gray plush. It has a noble and distant way of confining itself to the high altitudes, but that is probably on account of its looks; it ap- parently has no monopoly of those upper altitudes, however, for they are sometimes intruded upon by some of the loveli- est of the valley families of wild flowers. Everybody in the Alps wears a sprig of Edelweiss in his hat. It is the native's pet, and also the tourist's. All the morning, as we loafed along, having a good time, other pedestrians went staving by us with vigorous strides, and with the intent and determined look of men who were walking for a wager. These wore loose knee-breeches, long yarn stockings, and hob-nailed high-laced walking shoes. They were gentlemen who would go home to England or Ger- many and tell how many miles they had beaten the guide- book every day. But I doubted if they ever had much real fun, outside of the mere magnificent exhilaration of the tramp through the green valleys and the breezy heights; for they were almost always alone, and even the finest scenery loses incalculably when there is no one to enjoy it with. ' All the morning an endless double procession of mule> mounted tourists filed past us along the narrow path, — the one procession going, the other coming. We had taken a good deal of trouble to teach ourselves the kindly German custom of saluting all strangers with doff'ed hat, and we reso- lutely clung to it, that morning, although it kept us bare- headed most of the time and was not always responded to. Still we found an interest in the thing, because we naturally ELEVATED PIGS. 36e> liked to know who were English and Americans among the passers-by. All continental natives responded, of course; so did some of the English and Americans, but as a general thing these two races gave no sign. Whenever a man or a woman showed us cold neglect, we spoke up confidently in our own tongue and asked for such information as we hap- pened to need, and we always got a reply in the same language. The English and American folk are not less kindly than other races, they are only more reserved, and that comes of habit and education. In one dreary, rocky waste, away above the line of vegetation, we met a procession of twenty-five mounted young men, all from America. We got answering bows enough from these, of course, for they were of an age to THE END or THE WORLD. in Rome as ■^ Rome does, s^^:^? without much effort. At one extremity of this patch of desolation, overhung by hare and forbidding crags which husbanded drifts of everlast- ing snow in their shaded cavities, was a small stretch of thin and discouraged grass, and a man and a family of pigs were actually living here in some shanties. Consequently this- 370 GHASTLY DESOLATION. place could be really reckoned as " property ; " it had a money value, and was doubtless taxed. I think it must have marked the limit of real estate in this world. It would be hard to set a money value upon any piece of earth that lies between that spot and the empty realm of space. That man may claim the distinction of owning the end of the world, for if there is any definite end to the world he has certainly found it. From liere forward we moved through a storm-swept and smileless desolation. All about us rose gigantic masses, crags, and ramparts of bare and dreary rock, with not a vestige or semblance of plant or tree or flower anywhere, or glimpse of any creature that had life. The frost and the tempests of unnumbered ages had battered and hacked at these cliffs, with a deathless energy, destroying them piecemeal ; so all the region about their bases was a tumbled chaos of great frag- ments which had been split off and hurled to the ground. Soiled and aged banks of snow lay close about our path. The ghastly desolation of the place was as tremendously com- plete as if Dore had furnished the working plans for it. But every now and then, through the stern gateways around us we canght a view of some neighboring majestic dome, sheath- ed with glittering ice, and displaying its white purity at an elevation compared to which ours was groveling and plebeian, and this spectacle always chained one's interest and admira- tion at once, and made him forget there was anything ugly in the world. I have just said that there was nothing but death and deso- lation in these hideous places, but I forgot. In the most for- lorn and arid and dismal one of all, where the racked and splintered debris was thickest, where the ancient patches of snow lay against the very path, where the winds blew bitter- est and the general aspect was mournfulest and dreariest, and furthest from any suggestion of cheer or hope, I found a soli- tary wee forget-me-not flourishing away, not a droop about it anywhere, but holding its bright blue star up with the pretti- est and gallantest air in the world, the only happy spirit, the ADVENTURES PROPOSED. 371 only smiling thing, in all that grisly desert. She seemed to say, " Cheer up ! — as long as we are here, let us make the best of it." 1 judged she had earned a right to a more hospitable place; so I plucked her up and sent her to America to a friend who would respect her for the fight she had made, all by her small self, to make a whole vast despondent Alpine desolation stop breaking its heart over the unalterable, and THE FORGET-ME-NOT. hold up its head and look at the bright side of things for once. We stopped for a nooning at a strongly built little inn call- ed the Schwarenbach. It sits in a lonely spot among the peaks, where it is swept by the trailing fringes of the cloud- rack, and is rained on, snowed on, and pelted and persecuted- by the storms, nearly every day of its life. It M^as the only habitation in the whole Gemmi Pass. Close at hand, now, was a chance for a blood-curdling Al- pine adventure. Close at hand was the snowy mass of the' Great Altels cooling its top-knot in the sky and daring us to an ascent. I was fired with the idea, and immediately made up my mind to procure the necessary guides, ropes, etc., and undertake it. I instructed Harris to go to the landlord of the inn and set him about our preparations. Meantime I went diligently to work to read up and find out what this much-talked-of mountain-climbing was like, and how one should go about it, — for in these matters I was ignorant. 1 opened Mr. Hinchliffs " Summer Months among the Alps,"' 372 ASCENT OF MONTE ROSA. (published 185Y,) and selected bis account of bis ascent of Monte Rosa. It began, — "It is very difficult to free tbe mind from excitement on tbe evening before a grand expedition, — " I saw tbat I was too calm ; so I walked tbe room a wbile and worked myself into a bigb excitement ; but tbe book's next remark, — tbat tbe adventurer must get np at two in tbe morning, — came as near as anytbing to flatting it all out again. However, I reinforced it, and read on, about bow Mr. Hincbliff dressed by candle-ligbt and was " soon down among tbe guides, wbo were bustling about in tbe passage, packing provisions, and making every preparation for tbe start ; " and bow be glanced out into tbe cold clear night and saw that — " Tbe whole sky was blazing with stars, larger and brighter than they appear through tbe dense atmosphere breathed by inhabitants of the lower parts of tbe earth. They seemed ac- tually suspended from the dark vault of heaven, and their gen- tle light slied a fairy like gleam over tbe snow-fields around tbe foot of the Matterhorn, which raised its stupendous pin- nacle on bigb, penetrating to tbe heart of the Great Bear, and crowning itself with a diadem of bis magnificent stars. Not a sound disturbed the deep tranquillity of the night, except tbe distant roar of streams which rush from tbe high plateau of the St. Tbeodule glacier, and fall headlong over precipi- tous rocks till they lose themselves in the mazes of tbe Gor- ner glacier." He took bis hot toast and coffee, and then about half past three his caravan of ten men filed away from tbe Rifiel Hotel, and began tbe steep climb. At half past five be happened to turn around, and "beheld the glorious spectacle of the Mat- terhorn, just touched by the rosy-fingered morning, and look- ing like a huge pyramid of fire rising out of the barren ocean of ice and rock around it." Then tbe Breitborn and the Dent Blanche caught the radiant glow ; but " the intervenijig mass of Monte Rosa made it necessary for us to climb many t A NEEDLE OF ICE. PRECIPICES AND CREVASSES. 375 hours before we could hope to see the sun himself, yet the whole air soon grew warmer after the splendid birth of day." He gazed at the lofty crown of Monte Rosa and the wastes of snow that guarded its steep approaches? and the chief J'liide delivered the opin- ion that no man could conquer their awful heights and put his foot upon that summit. But the adventurers moved steadily on, nevertheless. They toiled up, and up, and still up; they passed the Grand Plateau . then toiled u p a steep shoulder of the mountain, cling- ing like flies to its rugged face ; and now they were con- fronted by a tre- mendous wall from CLIMBING THE MOUNTAIN. which great blocks of ice and snow were evidently in the 376 AMONG THE SNOWS. habit of falling. Thej turned aside to skirt this wall, and SNOW CRBVA88E8. gradually ascended until their way was barred by a " maze of EXCITING EXPERIENCES. 377 gigantic snow crevasses," — so they turned aside again, and " began a long climb of sufficient steepness to make a zigzag course necessary." Fatio-ue compelled them to halt frequently, for a moment or two. At one of these halts somebody called out, "Look at Mont Blanc ! " and " we were at once made aware of the very great height we had attained by actually seeing the monarch of the Alps and his attendant satellites right over the top of the Bi-eithorn, itself at least 14,000 feet high ! " These people moved in single file, and were all tied to a strong rope, at regular distances apart, so that if one of them slipped, on those giddy heights, the others could brace them- selves on their alpenstocks and save him from darting into the valley, thousands of feet below. By and by they came to an ice-coated ridge which was tilted up at a sharp angle, and had a precipice on one side of it. They had to climb this, so the guide in the lead cut steps in the ice with his hatchet, and as fast as he took his toes out of one of these slight holes, the toes of the man behind him occupied it. " Slowly and steadily we kept on our way over this dan- gerous part of the ascent, and I daresay it was fortunate for some of us that attention was distracted from the head by the paramount necessity of looking after the feet;/br, while on the left the indine of ice was so steep that it would he im,- possihlefor any man to save himself in case of a slip, unless the others could hold him up, on the right we might drop a peWlefrom the hand over precipices ofunhnown extent down upon the tremendous glacier helovj. " Great caution, therefore, was absolutely necessary, and in this exposed situation we were attacked by all the fury of that grand enemy of aspirants to Monte Rosa — a severe and bitterly cold wind from the north. The fine powdery snow was driven past us in clouds, penetrating the interstices of our clothes, and the pieces of ice which flew from the blows of Peter's axe were whisked into the air, and then dashed over the precipice. "We had quite enough to do to prevent our- selves from being served in the same ruthless fashion, and 378 CLIMBING AN ICE RIDGE. now and tlien, in the more violent gusts of wind, were glad to stick our alpenstocks into the ice and hold on hard," Having surmounted this perilous steep, they sat down and took a brief rest with their backs against a sheltering rock and their heels dangling over a bottomless abyss ; then they climbed to the base of another ridge, — a more difficult and dangerous one still : " The whole of the ridge was exceedingly narrow, and the fall on each side desperately steep, but the ice in some of these intervals between the masses of rock assumed the form of a mere sharp edge, almost like a knife ; these places, though not more than three or four short paces in length, looked uncom.monly awkward; but, like the sword leading true believers to the gates of Paradise, they must needs be passed before we could attain to the summit of our ambition. These were in one or two places so narrow, that in stepping over them with toes well turned out for greater security, one end of the foot 'projected over the awful jprecijpice on the rights while the other was on the heginning of the icy slope on the left, which was scarcely less steep than the rocJcs. On these occasions Peter would take my hand, and each of us stretching as far as we could, he was thus enabled to get a firm footing two paces or rather more from me, whence a spring would probably bring him to the rock on the other side ; then, turning round, he called to me to come, and tak- ing a couple of steps carefully, I was met at the third by his outstretched hand ready to clasp mine, and in a moment stood by his side. The others followed in much the same fashion. Once my right foot slipped on the side towards the precipice, but I threw out my left arm in a moment so that it caught the icy edge under my armpit as I fell, and supported me considerably ; at the same instant I cast my eyes down the side on which I had slipped, and contrived to plant my right foot on a piece of rock as large as a cricket ball, which chanced to protrude through the ice, on the very edge of the precipice. Being thus anchored fore and aft, REACHING THE SUMMIT. 379 as it were, I believe I could easily have recovered myself, even if I had been alone, though it must be confessed the situation would have been an awful one ; as it was, how- ever, a jerk from Peter settled the matter very soon, and I was on my legs all right in an instant. The rope is an immense help in places of this kind." Now they arrived at the base of a great knob or dome ve- neered with ice and powdered with snow — the utmost sum- mit, the last bit of solidity be- tween them and the hollow vault of heaven. They set to work with their hatchets, and were soon creeping, insect-like, up its surface, with their heels project- ing over the thinnest, kind of nothingness, thickened up a little with a few wandering shreds and films of cloud moving in lazy pro- cession far below. Presently one man's toe-hold broke and he fell ! There he dangled in mid-air at the end of the rope, like a spider, till his friends above hauled him into place again. A little bit later, the party stood upon the wee pedestal of the very summit, in a driving wind, and looked out upon the vast green expanses of Italy and a shoreless ocean of billowy Alps. When I had read thus far, Harris burst into the room in a noble excitement and said the ropes and the guides were secured, and asked if I was ready. I said I believed I wouldn't ascend the Altels this time. I said Alp-climbing was a dif- ferent thing from what I had supposed it was, and so I judged we had better study its points a little more before we went definitely into it. But 1 told him to retain the guides and order them to follow us to Zermatt, because 1 meant to use CUTTING STEPS. 380 OUR ADVENTURES POSTPONED. them there. I said I could feel the spirit of adventure beginning to stir in me, and was sure that the fell fascination of Alp-climbing would soon be upon me. I said he could make up his mind to it that we would do a deed before we were a week older which would make the hair of the timid curl with fright. This made Harris happy, and filled him with ambitious anticipations. He went at once to tell the guides to follow us to Zermatt and bring all their paraphernalia with them. CHAPTER XXXV. A GREAT and priceless thing is a new interest! So"w it takes possession of a man ! how it clings to him, how it rides him ! I strode onward from the Schwarenbaeh hos- telry a changed man, a reorganized personality. I walked in a new world, I saw with new eyes. I had been looking aloft at the giant snow-peaks only as things to be worshiped for their grandeur and magnitude, and their unspeakable grace of form ; I looked up at them now, as also things to be conquered and climbed. My sense of their grandeur and their noble beauty was, neither lost nor impaired ; I had gain- ed a new interest in the mountains without losing the old ones. I followed the steep lines up, inch by inch, with my eye, and noted the possibility or impossibility of following them with my feet. When I saw a shining helmet of ice projecting above the clouds, I tried to imagine I saw files of black specks toiling up it roped together with a gossamer thread. We skirted the lonely little lake called the Daubensee, and presently passed close by a glacier on the right, — a thing like a great river frozen solid in its flow and broken square oil like a wall at its mouth. I had never been so near a glacier before. Here we came upon a new board shanty, and found some men engaged in building a stone house ; so the Schwaren- baeh was soon to have a rival. We bought a bottle or so of 381 382 A GRAND VIEW. beer here ; at any rate they called it beer, but 1 knew by the price that it was dissolved jewelry, and I perceived by the taste that dissolved jewelry is not good stuft' to drink. We were surrounded by a hideous desolation. We step- ped forward to a sort of juniping-off place, and were confront- ed by a startling contrast : we seemed to look down into fairy- land. Two or three thouisand feet below us was a bright VIEW FROM THE CLIFF. green level, with a pretty town in its midst, and a silvery stream winding among the meadows ; the charming spot was walled in on all sides by gigantic precipices clothed with pines ; and over the pines, out of the softened distances, rose the snowy domes and peaks of the Monte Rosa region. How exquisitely green and beautiful that little valley down there was ! The distance was not great enough to obliterate de- tails, it only made them little, and mellow, and dainty, like landscapes and towns seen through the wrong end of a spy- glass. A MULE'S PREFERENCES. 385 Hight under us a narrow ledge rose up out of the valley, with a green, slanting, bench-shaped top, and grouped about upon this green-baize bench were a lot of black and white sheep which looked merely like over-sized worms. The bench seemed lifted well up into our neighborhood, but that was a deception,— it was a long way down to it. We began oar descent, now, by the most remarkable road I have ever seen. It wound in corkscrew curves down the face of the colossal precipice, — a narrow way, with always the solid rock wall at one elbow, and perpendicular nothing- ness at the other. We met an everlasting procession of guides, porters, males, litters, and tourists climbing up this steep and muddy path, and there was no room to spare when you had to pass a tolerably fat mule. I always took the in- side, when I heard or saw the mule coming, and flattened myself against the wall. I preferred the inside, of course, but I should have had to take it anyhow, because the mule prefers the outside. A mule's preference, — on a precipice — is a thing to be respected. Well, his choice is always the outside. His life i,s mostly devoted to carrying bulky pan- iers and packages which rest against his body,— therefore he is habituated to taking the outside edge of mountain paths, to keep his bundles from rubbing against rocks or banks on the other. When he goes into the passenger business he ab- surdly clings to his old habit, and keeps one leg of his pas- senger always dangling over the great deeps of the lower world while that passenger's heart is in the highlands, so to speak. More than once I saw a mule's hind foot cave over the outer edge and send earth and rubbish into the bottom- less abyss ; and I noticed that upon these occasions the rider, whether male or female, looked tolerably unwell. There was one place where an 18-inch breadth of light masonry had been added to the verge of the path, and as there was a very sharp tifrn, here, a panel of fencing had been set up there at some ancient time, as a protection. This panel was old and gray and feeble, and the light masonry had been 23 386 TURNING A CORNER. loosened by recent rains. A young American girl came along on a mule, and in making the turn tlie mule's hind foot caved all the loose masonry and one of the fence posts over board; the mule gave a violent lurch in- board t o save him- self, and sue ceed- ed in the effort, but that girl turned as white as the snows of Mont Blanc for a moment. The path here was simply a groove cut into the face of the precipice ; there was a four-foot breadth of solid rock under the traveler, and a four-foot breadth of solid rock just above his head, like the roof of a narrow porch ; he could look out from this gallery and see a sheer snmmitle?s and bottomless M-all of rock before him, across a gorge or crack a biscuit's toss in width, — but he could not see the bottom of his own precipice unless he lay down and projected his nose over the edge. I did not do this, because I did not wish to soil my clothes. Every few hundred yards, at particularly bad places, one came across a panel or so of plank fencing; but they were always old and weak, and they generally.leaned out over the chasm and did not make any rash promises to hold up people who might need support. There was one of these panels ALMOST A TRAGEDY. TERROR OF A HORSE. 38^ which had- only its upper board left ; a pedestrianizing Eng- lish youth came tearing down the path, was seized with an impulse to look over the precipice, and without an instant's thought he threw his weight upon that crazy board. It bent outward a foot ! I never made a gasp before that came so near suffocating me. The English youth's face simply show- ed a lively surprise, but nothing more. He went swinging along valley wards again, as if he did not know he had just swindled a coroner by the closest kind of a shave. The Alpine litter is sometimes like a cushioned box made fast between the middles of two long poles, and sometimes it is a chair with a back to it and a support for the feet. It is THE ALPINE LITTER. carried by relays of strong porters. The motion is easier than that of any other conveyance. We met a few men and a great many ladies in litters ; it seemed to me that most of the ladies looked pale and nauseated ; their general aspect gave me the idea that they were patiently enduring a horri- ble suffering. As a rule, they looked at their laps, and left the scenery to take care of itself. But the most frightened creature I saw, was a led horse that overtook us. Poor fellow, he had been born and reared in the grassy levels of the Kandersteg valley and had never seen anything like this hideous place before. Every few steps he would stop short, glance wildly out from the dizzy 388 GHASTLY DESOLATION. height, and then spread his red nostrils wide and pant as vio- lently as if he had been running a race ; and all the while he quaked from head to heel as with a palsy. He was a handsome fellow, and he made a fine statu- esque picture of terror, but it was pitiful to see him suffer so. This dreadful path has had its tragedy. Baede- ker, with his custo- mary over- terse- ness, begins and ends the tale thus : " The descent on horseback should b e avoided. In 1861aComtessed' Herliiiconrt fell from her saddle over the precipice and was killed on the spot." We looked over A STRANGE SITUATION. thc procipicc tiiere, and saw the monument which commemorates the event. It stands in the bottom of the gorge, in a place which has been hollowed out of the rock to protect it from the torrent and the storms. Our old guide never spoke but when spoken to, and then limited himself to a syllable or two ; but Mdien we asked him about tliis tragedy he showed a strong interest in the matter. He said the Countess was very pretty, and very young, — hardly out of her girlhood, in fact. She was newly married, and was on her bridal tour. The young husband / ^ I DEATH OP A COUNTESS. A SEARCH FOR A HAT. 3S9 was riding a little in advance ; one guide was leading the husband's horse, another was leading the bride's. The old man continued, — " The guide that was leading the husband's horse happened to glance back, and there was that poor young thing sitting up staring out over the precipice ; and her face began to bend downward a little, and she put up her two hands slowlj and met it, — so, — and put them flat against her eyes, — so, — and then she sunk out of the saddle, with a sharp shriek, and one caught only the flash of a dress, and it was all over." Then after a pause, — " Ah yes, that guide saw these things, — yes, he saw them alL He saw them all, jnst as I have told you." After another pause,- — -_ - " Ah yes, he saw them all. My God, that was me. I was that guide ! " This had been the one event of the old man's life; so one may be sure he had forgotten no detail connected with it. We listened to all he had to say about what was done and what happened and what was said after the sorrowful occur- rence, and a painful story it was. When we had wound down toward the valley until we were about on the last spiral of the corkscrew, Harris's hat blew over the last remaining bit of precipice, — a small cliff a hundred or a hundred and fifty feet high, — and sailed down towards a steep slant composed of rough chips and fragments which the weather had flaked away from the precipices. We went leisurely down there, expecting to find it without any trouble, but we had made a mistake, as to that. AVe hunted during a conple of hours, — not because the old straw hat was valuable, but out of curiosity to find out how such a thing could manage to conceal itself in open ground where there was nothing for it to hide behind. When one is reading in bed, and lays his paper-knife down, he cannot find it again if it is smaller than a sabre ; that hat was as stubborn as any paper-knife could have been, and we 390 WHAT WE DID FIND. finally bad to give it up ; but we found a fragment that Lad once belonged to an opera glass, and by digging around and turning over the rocks we gradually collected all the lenses and the cylinders and the various odds and ends that go to make up a complete opera glass. We afterwards had the thing reconstructed, and the owner can have his adventur- ous long-lost property by submitting proofs and paying costs of rehabilitation. We had hopes of finding the owner there, distributed around amongst the rocks, for it would have made an elegant paragraph ; but we were disappointed. Still, we were far from being disheartened, for there was a consider- able area which we had not thoroughly searched ; we were satisfied he was there, somewhere, so we resolved to wait over a day at Leuk and come back and get him. Then we sat down to polish off the perspiration and arrange about what we would do with him when we got him. Harris was for contributing him to the British Museum ; but I was for mailing him to bis widow. That is the diflference between Harris and me : Harris is all for display, I am all for the simple right, even though I lose money by it. Harris argued in favor of his proposition and against mine, I argued in favor of mine and against his. The discussion warmed into a dispute; tbe dispute warmed into a quarrel. I finally said, very decidedly, — " My mind is made up. He goes to the widow." Harris answered sharply, — "And my mind is made up. He goes to tbe Museum." I said, calmly, — "Tbe Museum may whistle when it gets him." Harris retorted, — " The widow may save herself tbe trouble of whistling, for I will see that she never gets him." After some angry bandying of epithets, I said, — " It seems to me that you are taking on a good many airs about these remains. I don't quite see what you've got to say about them ? " HARRIS' OPINION OF CHAMOIS. 391 "/f I've got all to say about them. They'd never have been thought of if I hadn't found their opera glass. The corpse belongs to me, and I'll do as I please with him." I was leader of the Expedition, and all discoveries achiev- ed by it naturally belonged to me. I was entitled to these remains, and could have enforced my right ; but rather than have bad blood about the matter, I said we would toss up for them. I threw heads and won, but it was a barren vic- tory, for although we spent all the next day searching, we never found a bone. I cannot imagine what could ever have become of that fellow. The town in the valley is called Leuk or Leukerbad, we pointed our course toward it, down a verdant slope which was adorned with fringed gentians and other ilowers, and presently entered the narrow alleys of the outskirts and waded toward the middle of the town through liquid " fer- tilizer." 'They otvght to e^ifcher pave 4;hat village or organize a ferry. Harris's body was simply a chamois-pasture ; his person was populous with the little hungry pests ; his skin, when he stripped, was splotched like a scarlet fever patient's ; so, when we wero about to enter one of the Leukerbad inns, and he noticed its sign, " Chamois Hotel," he refused to stop there. He said the chamois was plentiful enough, without hunting up hotels where they made a specialty of it. I was indif- ferent, for the chamois is a creature that will neither bite me nor abide with me : but to calm Harris, we went to the Hotel des Alpes. At the table d'hote we had this, for an incident. A very grave man, — in fact his gravity amounted to solemnit}^, and almost to austerity, — sat opposite us and he was "tight," but doing his best to appear sober. He took up a corked bottle of wine, tilted it over his glass a while, then sat it mit of the way, with a contented look, and went on with his dinner. Presently he put his glass to his mouth, and of course 392 A DISAPPOINTED MAN. P ■^^ P^ /f "^^ found it empty. He looked puzzled, and glanced furtively and suspiciously out of the corner of his eye at a benignant and unconscious old lady who sat at his right. . Shook his head, as much as to say, "No, she couldn't have done it." Be tilted the corked bottle over hisglass again, meantime search- ing ai-ound with his watery eye to see if anybody was watching him. He ate a few mouthfuls, raised his glass to his lips, and of course it was still empty. He bent an injured and accusing side gaze upon that unconscious old lady, which was a study to see.' She went on eating and gave no sign. He took up his glass and his bottle, with a wise private nod of his head, and set them gravely on the left hand ^i side of his plate, — poured him- " thetVe got it all." self another imaginary drink, — went to work with his knife and fork once more, — pres- ently lifted his glass with good confidence, and found it empty, as usual. This was almost a petrifying surprise. He straightened himself up in his chair and deliberately and sorrowfully in- spected the busy old ladies at his elbows, first one and then the other. At last he softly pushed his plate away, set his glass directly in front of him, held on to it with his left hand, and proceeded to pour with his right. This time he observed that nothing came. He turned the bottle clear upside down ; still nothing issued from it ; a plaintive look caoie into his face, and he said; as if to himself, '"^'c/ They've got it all ! " Then he set the bottle down, resign- edly, and took the rest of his dinner dry. It was at that table d'hote, too, that I had under inspection A FEMALE GIANTESS. J93 the largest ladj I have ever seen in private life. She was over seven feet high, and magnificently proportioned. What had first called raj attention to her, was my stepping on an outlying flange of her foot, and hearing, from up toward the ceiling, a deep " Pardon, m'sieu, but you encroach ! " That was when we were coming through the hall, and the place was dim, and I could see her only vaguely. The thing which called my attention to her the second tims. was, that at a table beyond ours were two very pretty girls, and this great tady came in and sat down be- tween them and - me and blotted out the view. She had a handsome face, and she was very flnely formed — perfectly formed, 1 should say. But she made everybody around her look trivial and commonplace. Ladies near her looked like children, and the men about her looked mean. They looked like failures ; and they looked as if they felt so, too. She sat with model foe an empress. her back to us. I never saw such a back in my life. I would have so liked to see the moon rise over it. The whole congregation waited, under one pretext or another, till she finished her dinner and went out ; they wanted to see her at her full altitude, and they found it worth tarrying for. She filled one's idea of what an empress ought to be, when she rose up in her unapproachable grandeur and moved superbly out of that place. We were not at Leuk in time to see her at her heaviest 394: THE BATHERS AT LEUK. weight. She had suffered from corpulence and had come there to get rid of her extra flesh in the baths. Five weeks of soaking, — five uninterrupted hours of it every day, — had accomplished her purpose and reduced her to the right pro- portions. Those baths remove fat, and also skin-diseases. The pa- tients remain in the great tanks hours at a time. A dozen gentlemen and ladies occupy a tank together, and amuse themselves with rompings and various games. They have floating desks and tables, and they read or lunch or play chess in water that is breast deep. The tourist can step in and view this novel spectacle if he chooses. There's a poor-box, and he will have to contribute. There are several of these BATH HOUSES AT LEUKE. big bathing houses, and you can always tell when yon are near one of them by the romping noises and shouts of laugh- ter that proceed from it. The water is running water, and changes all the time, else a patient with a ringworm might \,' mv iv'i I i THE GEMMI PRECIPICES. 397 take the bath with only a partial success, since while he was ridding himself of his ringworm, he might catch the itch. The next morning we wandered back up the green valley, leisurely, with the curving walls of those bare and stupen- dous precipices rising into the clouds before us. I had never seen a clean, bare precipice stretching up five thousand feet above me before, and I never shall expect to see another one. They exist, perhaps, but not in places where one can easily get close to them. This pile of stone is peculiar. From its base to the soaring tops of its mighty towers, all its lines and all its details vaguely suggest human arcliitecture. There are rudimentary bow windows, cornices, chimneys, demarca- tions^ of stories, etc. One could sit and stare up there and study the features and exquisite"graces of this grand structure,, bit by bit, and day after day, and never weary his interest. The termination, toward the town, observed in profile, is the perfection of shape. It comes down out of the clouds in a succession of rounded, colossal, terrace-like projections, ■ — a stairM-ay for the gods ; at its head spring several lofty storm- scarred towers, one above another, with faint films of vapor curling always about them like spectral banners. If there were a king whose realms included the whole world, here would be the palace meet and proper for such a monarch. He would only need to hollow it out and put in the electric light. He could give audience to a nation at a time under its roof. Our search for those remains having failed, we inspected with a glass the dim and distant track of an old-time avalanche that once swept down from some pine-grown summits behind the town and swept away the houses and buried the people ; then we struck down the road that leads toward the Rhone, to see the famous Ladders. These perilous things are built against the perpendicular face of acliiFtwo or three hundred feet high. The peasants, of both sexes, were climbing up and down them, with heavy loads on their backs. I ordered Harris to make the ascent, so I could put the thrill and 398 CLIMBING THE FAMOUS LADDERS. horror of it in my book, and he accomplished the feat success- fully, through a sub-agent for three francs, which I paid. It makes me shudder yet when I think of what I felt when I was clinging there between heaven and earth in the person of that proxy. At times the world swam around me, and I could hardly keep from letting go, so dizzying was the appal- ing danger. Many a person would have given up and de- scended, but I stuck to my task, and would not yield until I had accomplished it. I felt a just pride in my exploit, but I would not have repeated it for the wealth of the world. I sliall break my neck yet with some such fool-hardy perform- ance, for warnings never seem to have any lasting effect upon me. When the people of the hotel found that I had been climbing those crazy Ladders, it made me an object of considerable distinction. . - . Next morning, early, we drove to the Rhone valley and took the train for Yisp. There we shouldered our knapsacks and things, and set out on foot, in a tremendous rain, up the winding gorge, toward Zermatt. Hour after hour we slop- ped along, by the roaring torrent, and under noble Lesser Alps which were clothed in rich velvety green all the way up and had little atomy Swiss homes perched upon grassy benches along their mist-dimmed heights. The rain continued to pour and the torrent to boom, and we continued to enjoy both. At the one spot where this torrent tossed its white mane highest, and thundered loudest, and lashed the big boulders fiercest, the canton had done it- self the honor to build the flimsiest wooden bridge that exists in the world. While we were walking over it, along with a party of horsemen, I noticed that even the larger rain-drops made it shake. I called Harris's attention to it, and he no- ticed it, too. It seemed to me that if I owned an elephant that was a keepsake, and I thought a good deal of him, T would think twice before I would ride him over that bridge* We climbed up to the village of St. Nicholas, about half past four in the afternoon, waded ankle deep through the A REGULAR MUDDLE. 399 fertilizer-juice, and stopped at a new and nice hotel close by the little church. "We stripped and went to bed, and sent our clothes down to be baked. All the horde of soaked tourists did the same. That chaos of clothing got mixed in the kit- chen, and there were consequences. I did not get back the same drawers I sent down, when our things came up at 6:15 ; I got a pair on a new plan. Thej were merelj a pair of white ruffle-cuffed absurdities, hitched together at the top with a narrow band, and thej did not come quite down to my knees. They were pretty enough, but they made me feel like two people, and disconnected at that. The man must have been an idiot that got himself up like that, to rough it RATHIiR MIXED UP. in the Swiss mountains. The shirt they brought me was shorter than the drawers, and hadn't any sleeves to it, — at least it hadn't anj-thing more than what Mr. Darwin would call "rudimentary" sleeves; these had "edging" around them, but the bosom was ridiculously plain. The knit silk 400 A BAD FIX FOR A MINISTER. undershirt they brought me was on a new plan, and was real- ly a sensible thing ; it opened behind, and had pockets in it to put your shoulder blades in ; but they did not seem to fit mine, and so I found it a sort of uncomfortable garment. They gave my bob-tail coat to somebody else, and sent me an ulster suitable for a giraffe. I had to tie ray collar on, be- cause there was no button behind on that foolish little shirt which I described a while ago. When I was dressed for dinner at 6.30, I was too loose in some places and too tight in others, and altogether I felt slovenly and ill conditioned. However, the people at the table d'hote were no better off than I was ; they had ever- body's clothes but their own on. A long stranger recogniz- ed his ulster as soon as he saw the tail of it following me in, but nobody claimed my shirts or my drawers, though I de- scribed thera as well as I was able. I gave them to the cham- bermaid that night when I went to bed, and she probably found the owner, for my own things were on a chair outside my door in the morning. There was a lovable English clergyman who did not get to the table d'hote at all. His breeches had turned up miss- ing, and without any equivalent. He said he was not more particular than other people, but he had noticed that a cler- gyman at dinner without any breeches was almost sure to excite remark. CHAPTER XXXVL WE did not oversleep at St. Nicholas. The church bell began to ring at 4:30 in the morning, and from the leni^'tli of time it continued to ring I judged that it takes the Swiss sinner a good while to get the invitation through his head. Most church bells in the world are of poor quality, and have a har.-h and rasping sound which upsets the temper and produces much sin, but the St. Nicholas bell is a good deal the worst one that has been contrived yet, and is peculiarly maddening in its operation. Still, it may have its right and its excuse to exist, for the community is poor and not every citizen can aflPord a clock, perhaps ; but there cannot be any excuse for our church bells at home, for there is no family in America without a clock, and consequently there is no fsiir pretext for the usual Sunday medley of dreadful sounds that issues from our steeples. There is much more profanity in America on Sunday than in all the other six davs of the week put together, and it is of a more bitter and malignant charac- ter than the week-day profanity, too. It is produced by the cracked -pot clangor of the cheap church bells. We build our churches almost Avithout regard to cost ; we rear an edifice which is an adornment to the toAvn, and we gild it, and fresco it, and mortgage it, and do everythinsr we can think of to perfect it, and then spoil it all by putting a bell on it which afflicts everybody who hears it, giving some the headache, others St. Vitus's dance, and the rest the blind- staggers. 401 402 A SUNDAY MORNING. All American village at ten o'clock on a summer Sunday is the quietest and peacefulest and holiest thing in nature ; but it is a pretty different thing half an hour later. Mr. Poe's poem of the " Bells" stands incomplete to this day; but it is well enough that it is so, for the public reciter or " reader " who goes around trying to imitate the sounds of the various sorts of bells with his voice would find himself " up a stump " when he got to the church bell — as Joseph Addison would say. The church is always trying to get other people to re- form ; it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little, by way of example. It is still clinging to one or two things which were use- ful once, but which are not useful now, neither are they ornamental. One is the bell-ringing to remind a clock-caked town that it is church time, and another is the reading from the pulpit of a tedious list of " notices" which everybody who is interested has already read in the newspaper. The clergyman even reads the hymn through, — a relic of an ancient time when hymn books were scarce and costly ; but everybody has a hymn book, now, It is not A SUNDAY MORNING S DEMON. and so the public reading is no longer necessary, merely unnecessary, it is generally painful ; for the average cleriryman could not fire into his congregation with a sliot- gnn and hit a worse reader than himself, unless the weapon scattered shamefully. I am not meaning to be flippant and irreverent, I am only meaning to be truthful. The average A MAGNIFICENT GLACIER. 403 clergyman, in all countries and of all denominations, is a very bad reader. One would think he would at least learn how to read the Lord's Prayer, by and by, but it is not so. He races through it as if he thought the quicker he got it in, the sooner it would be answered. A person who does not appreciate the exceeding value of pauses, and does not know how to measure their duration judiciously, cannot render the grand simplicity and dignity of a composition like that effectively. We took a tolerably early bi eakfast, and tramped off to- ward Zermatt through the reeking laues of the village, glad to get away from that bell. By and by we had a fine spec- tacle on our right. It was the wall-like butt-end of a huge glacier, which looked down on us from an Alpine heityht which was well up in the blue sky. It was an astonishing amount of ice to be compacted together in one mass. "We ciphered upon it and decided that it was not less than several hundred feet from the base of the wall of solid ice to the top of it, — Harris believed it was really twice that. We judged that if St. Paul's, St. Peter's, the Great Pyramid, the Stras- burg Cathedral and the Capitol at Washington were cluster- ed against that wall, a man sitting on its upper edge could not hang his hat on the top of any one of them without reach- ing down three or four hundred feet, — a thing which of course no man could do. To me, that mighty glacier was very beautiful. I did not imagine that anybody could find fault with it ; but I was mis- taken. Harris had been snarling for several days. He was a rabid Protestant, and he was always saying, — " In the Protestant cantons you never see such poverty and dirt and squalor as you do in this Catholic one; you never see the lanes and alleys flowing with foulness ; you never see such wretched little sties of houses ; you never see an in- verted tin turnip on top of a church for a dome ; and as for a church bell, why you never hear a church bell at all." All this morning he had been finding fault, straight along. First it was with the mud. He said, " It ain't muddy in a 24 404 FAULT FINDING BY HARRIS. Protestant canton when it rains." Then it was witli the dogs: " Thej don't have those lop-eared dogs in a Protest- ant canton." Then it was with the roads : " They don't leave the roads to make themselves in a Protestant canton, the people make them, — and they make a road that is a road, too." Next it was the goats : " You never see a goat shed- ding tears in a Protestant canton — a goat, there, is one of the cheerfiilest objects in nature." Next it M'aa the chamois: " You never see a Protestant chamois act like one of these, — they take a bite or two and go ; but these fellows camp with you and stay." Then it was the guide-boards: " In a Protestant canton you couldn't get lost if you wanted to, but you never see a guide-board in a Catholic canton." ISext, " You never see any flower-boxes in the windows, here, — never anything but now and then a cat, — a torpid one ; but you take a Protestant canton : windows perfectly lovely with flowers, — and as for cats, there's just acres of them. These folks in this canton leave a road to make itself, and tlierf fine you three francs if you ' trot ' over it — as if a horse could trot over such a sarcasm of a road." Next about the goitre : " They talk about goitre ! — I haven't seen a goitre in this whole canton that I couldn't put in a hat." He had growled at everything, but I judged it would puz- zle him to find anything the matter with this majestic glacier. I intimated as much; but he was ready, and said with surly discontent, — ' ^ " You ought to see them in the Protestant cantons." This irritated me. But I concealed the feeling, and asked, " What is the matter with this one ? " " Matter? Why, it ain't in any kind of condition. They never take any care of a glacier here. Tlie moraine has been spilling gravel around it, and got it all dirty." " Why, man, they can't help that." ^^Theyf You're right. That is, they ^(J07^'^. They could if they wanted to. You never see a speck of dirt on a Prot- estant glacier. Look at the Rhone glacier. It is fifteen miles , ALMOST AN ACCIDENT. 405 long, and seven hundred feet thick. If this was a Protestant glacier you wouldn't see it looking like this, I can tell you." " That is nonsense. What would they do with it ? " " They would whitewash it. They always do." I did not believe a word of this, but rather than have trouble 1 let it go ; for it is a waste of breath to argue with a bigot. 1 even doubted if the Rhone glacier was in a Protestant can- ton ; but I did not know, so I could not make anything by contradicting a man who would probably put me down at once with manufactured evidence. About nine miles from St. Nicholas we crossed a bridge over the raging torrent of the Yisp, and came to a long strip of flimsy fencing which was pretending to secure people from tumbling over a perpendicular wall forty feet high and into the river. Three children were approaching; one of them, a little girl about eight years old, was running; when pretty close to us she stumbled and fell, and her feet shot under the rail of the fence and for a moment projected over the stream. It gave us a sharp shock, for we thought she was gone, sure, for the ground slanted steeply, and to save herself seemed a sheer impossibility ; but she managed to scramble up, and ran by us laughing. We went forward and examined the place and saw the long tracks which her feet had made in the dirt when they darted over the verge. If she had finished her trip she would have struck some big rocks in the edge of the water, and then the torrent would have snatched her down stream amono' the half covered boulders and she would have been pounded to pulp in two minutes. We had come exceedingly near wit- nessing her death. And now Harris's contrary nature and inborn selfishness were strikingly manifested. He has no spirit of self-deniah He began straight ofl", and continued for an hour, to express his gratitude that the child was not destroyed. I never saw such a man. That was the kind of person he was ; just so he was gratified, he never cared anything about anybody else- 406 HARRIS'S SELFISHNESS. I had noticed that trait in him, over and over again. Often, of course, it was mere heedlessness, mere want of reflection. Doubtless this may have been the case in most instances, but it was not the less hard to bear on that account, — and after all, its bottom, its groundwork, was selfishness. There is no avoiding that conclusion. In the instance under considera- tion, I did think the indecency of running on in that way JUST SAVED. might* occur to him ; but no, the child was saved and he was glad, that was sufficient, — he cared not a straw for my feel- ings, or my loss of such a literary plum, snatched from my very mouth at the instant it was ready to drop into it. His VIEW I.M VALLEY OF ZEKMATT. APPROACHING ZERMATT. 407 selfishness was sufficient to place his own gratification in being spared suffering clear before all concern for me, his friend. Apparently he did not once refiect upon the valua- ble details which would have fallen like a windfall to me : fishing the child out, — witnessing the surprise of the family and the stir the thing would have made among the peasants, —then a Swiss funeral, — then the roadside monument, to be paid for by us and have our names mentioned in it. And we should have gone into Baedeker and been immortal. I was silent. I was too much hurt to complain. If he could act so, and be so heedless and so frivolous at such a time, and actually seem to glory in it, after all I had done for him, I would have cut my hand off before I would let him see that I was wounded. We were approaching Zermatt ; consequently we were ap- proaching the renowned Matterhorn. A month before, this mountain had been only a name to us, but latterly we had been moving through a steadily thickening double row of pictures of it, done in oil, water, chromo, wood, steel, copper, crayon, and photography, and so it had at length become a shape to us, — and a very distinct, decided, and familiar one, too. We were expecting to recognize that mountain when- ever or wherever we should run across it. We were not de- ceived. The monarch was far away when we first saw him, but there was no such thing as mistaking him. He has the rare peculiarity of standing by himself; he is peculiarly steep, too, and is also most oddly shaped. He towers into the sky like a colossal wedge, with the upper third of its blade bent a little to the left. The broad base of this monster wedge is planted upon a grand glacier-paved Alpine platform whose elevation is ten thousand feet above sea level ; as the wedge itself is some five thousand feet high, it follows that its apex is about fifteen thousand feet above sea level. So the whole bulk of this stately piece of rock, this sky-cleaving monolith, is above the line of eternal snow. Yet while all its giant neighbors have the look of being built of solid snow, from. 408 THE MATTERHORN. their waists up, the Matterhorn stands black and naked and forbidding, the year round, or merely powdered or streaked with white in places, for its sides are so steep that the snow cannot stay there. Its strange form, its angust isolation, and its majestic unkinship with its own kind, make it, — so to speak, — the Napoleon of the mountain world. " Grand, gloomy, and peculiar," is a phrase which fits it as aptly as it fitted the great captain. Think of a monument a mile high, standing on a pedestal two miles high ! This is what the Matterhorn is, — a monu- ment. Its office, henceforth, for all time, will be to keep watch and ward over the secret resting-place of the young Lord Douglas, who, in 1865, was precipitated fi'om the sum- mit over a precipice 4,000 feet high, and never seen again. No man ever had such a monument as this before ; the most imposing of the world's other monuments are but atoms com- pared to it ; and they will perish, and their places will pass from memory, but this wUl remain.^ A walk from St. Nicholas to Zermatt is a wonderful ex- perience. Nature is built on a stupendous plan in that re- gion. One marches continually between walls that are piled into the skies, with their upper heights broken into a confu- sion of sublime shapes that gleam white and cold against the background of blue ; and here and there one sees a big gla- cier displaying its grandeurs on the top of a precipice, or a graceful cascade leaping and flashing down the green declivi- ties. There is nothing tame, or cheap, or trivial, — it is all magnificent. That short valley is a picture gallery of a no-, table kind, for it contains no mediocrities ; from end to end the Creator has hung it with His masterpieces. * Tlie accident which cost Lord Douglas his life, (see chapter il) also cost the lives of three other men. These three fell four-fifths of a mile, and their bodies were afterwards found, lying side by side, upon a glacier, whence they were borne to Zermatt and buried in the churchyard. The re- mains of Lord Douglas have never been found. The secret of his sepul- ture, like that of Moses, must remain a mystery always. ZERMATT. 411 We made Zermatt at 3 in the afternoon, nine hours out from St. Nicholas. Distance, by guide-book, 12 miles, by pedometer 72. We were in the heart and home of the mount- ain-cambers, now, as all visible things testified. The snow- peaks did not hold themselves aloof, in aristocratic reserve, they nestled close around, in a friendly, sociable way ; guides, with the ropes and axes, and other implements of their fear- ful calling slung about their persons, roosted in a long line upon a stone wall in front of the liotel, and waited for cus- tomers ; sunburned climbers, in mountaineering costume, and followed by their guides and porters, arrived from time to time, from break-neck expeditions among the peaks and glaciers of the High Alps ; male and female tourists, on mules, filed by, in a continuous procession, hotelward-bound from wild' adventures which would grow in grandeur every time they were described at the English or American fireside, and at last outgrow the possible itself. We were not dreaming ; this was not a make-believe home of the Alp-climber, created by our heated imaginations: no, for here was Mr. Girdlestone himself, the famous Englishman who hunts his way to the most formidable Alpine summits without a guide. I was not equal to imagining a Girdlestone ; it was all I could do to even realize him, while looking straight at him at short range. I would rather face whole Hyde Parks of artillery than the ghastly forms of death which he has faced among the peaks and precipices of the mountains. There is probably no pleasure equal to the pleas- ure of climbing a dangerous Alp ; but it is a pleasure which is confined strictly to people who can firiU pleasure in it. I have not jumped to this conclusion ; I have traveled to it per gravel train, so to speak. I have thought the thing all out, and am quite sure I am rio;ht. A born climber's appetite for climbing is hard to satisfy ; when it comes upon him he is like a starving man with a feast before him ; he may have other business on hand, but it must wait. Mr. Girdlestone had had his usual summer holiday in the Alps, and had spent 4l2 LADY MOUNTAIN-CLIMBERS. it in his usual way, hunting for unique chances to break his neck ; his vacation was over, and his luggage packed for Eng- land, but all of a sudden a hunger had come upon him to climb the tremendous Weisshorn once more, for he had heard of a new and utterly impossible route up it. His baggage was unpacked at once, and now he and a friend, laden with knapsacks, ice-axes, coils of rope, and canteens of milk, were -just setting out. They would spend the night high up among the snows, somewhere, and get up at 2 in the morning and finish the enterprise. I had a strong desire to go witli them, but forced it down, — a feat which Mr. Girdlestone, with all his fortitude, could not do. Even ladies catch the climbing mania, and are unable to throw it off. A famous climber, of that sex, had attempted the Weisshorn a few days before our arrival, and she and her guides had lost their way in a snowstorm high up among the peaks and glaciers and been forced to wander around a good while before they could find a way down. When this lady reached the bottom, she had been on her feet twenty-three hours ! Our guides, hired on the Gemmi, were already at Zermatt when we reached there. So there was nothing to interfere with our getting up an adventure whenever we should choose the time and the object. I resolved to devote ray first eve- ning in Zermatt to studying up the subject of Alpine climb- ing, by way of preparation. I read several books, and here are some of the things I found out. One's shoes must be strong and heavy, and have pointed hob-nails in them. The alpenstock must be of the best wood, for if it should break, loss of life might be the result. One should carry an axe, to cut steps in the ice^with, on the great heights. There must be a ladder, for there are steep bits of rock which can be surmounted with this instru- ment,— or this utensil,— but could not be surmounted with- out it ; such an obstruction has compelled the tourist to waste hours hunting another route, when a ladder would have WANTS OF A MOUNTAIN-CLIMBER. 413 saved him all trouble. One must have from 150 to 500 feet of strong rope, to be used in lowering the party down steep declivities which are too steep and smooth to be traversed in any other way. One must have a steel hook, on another rope, — a very useful thing ; for when one is ascending and comes to a low bluff which is yet too high for the ladder, he swings this rope aloft like a lasso, the hook catches at the top of the bluff, and then the tourist climbs the rope, hand over hand, — being always par- ticular to try and for- get that if the hook gives way he will never stop falling till he arrives in some part of Switzerland where they are not ex- pecting him. Anoth- er important thino- — there must be a rope fitted out. to tie the whole party together with, so that if one falls from a mountain or down a bottomless chasm in a glacier, the others may brace back on the rope and save him. One must have a silk veil, to protect his face from snow, sleet, hail and gale, and colored goggles to protect his eyes from that danger ous enemy, snow-blindness. Finally, there must be some porters, to carry provisions, w^ine and scientific instruments, and also blanket bags for the party to sleep in. I closed my readings with a fearful adventure which Mr. Whymper once had on the Matterhorn when he was prowl- ing around alone, 5,000 above the town of Breil. He was 414 A FEARFUL ADVENTURE. edging his way gingerly around the corner of a precipice where the upper edge of a sharp declivity of ice-glazed snow joined it. This declivity swept down a couple of hundred feet, into a gully which curved around and ended at a preci- pice 800 feet high, overlooking a glacier. His foot slipped, and he fell. He says : " My knapsack brought my head down first, and I pitched into some rocks about a dozen feet below ; they caught some- thing, and tumbled me off the edge, head over heels, into the gully ; the baton was dashed from my hands, and I whirled downwards in a series of bounds, each longer than the last; now over ice, now into rocks, striking my head four or live times, each time with increased force. The last bound sent me spinning through the air in a leap of fifty or sixty feet, from one side of tbe gully to the other, and 1 struck the rocks, luckily, with the whole of my left side. They caught my clothes for a moment, and I fell back on to the snow with motion arrested. My head fortunatel}' came the right side up, and a few frantic catches brought me to a halt, in the neck of the gully and on the verge of the precipice. Baton, hat, and veil skimmed by and disappeared, and the crash of the rocks — which I had started — as they fell on to the glacier, told how narrow had been the escape from utter destruction. As it was, I fell nearly 200 feet in seven or eight bounds. Ten feet more would have taken me in one gigantic leap of 800 feet on to the glacier below. " The situation was sufficiently serious. The rocks could not be let go for a moment, and the blood was spirting out of more than twenty cuts. The most serious ones were in the head, and I vainly tried to close them with one hand, whilst holding on with the other. It was useless; the blood gushed out in blinding jets at each pulsation. At last, in a moment of inspiration, I kicked out a big lump of snow and stuck it as plaster on my head. The idea was a happy one, and the flow of blood diminished. Then, scrambling up, I got, not a moment too soon, to a place of safety, and fainted A FEARFUL FALL. NEVER SATISFIED. 417 away. The sun was setting when consciousness returned, and it was pitch dark before the Great Staircase was descend- ed ; but by a combination of luck and care, the whole 4700 feet of descent to Breil was accomplished without a slip, or once missing the way." His wounds kept him abed some days. Then he got up and climbed that mountain again. That is the way with a true Alp-climber i the more fun he has, the more he wants. CHAPTER XXXVn. AFTER I had finished my readings, I was no longer my- self; I was tranced, uplifted, intoxicated, by the almost incredible perils and adventures I had been following my au- thors through, and the triumphs I had been sharing with them, I sat silent some time, then turned to Harris and said, — " My mind is made up." Something in my tone struck him ; and when he glanced at my eye and read what was written there, his face paled perceptibly. He hesitated a moment, then said, — " Speak'." I answered, with perfect calmness, — " I WILL ASCEND THE KIFFELBEEG." If I had shot my poor friend he could not have fallen from his chair more suddenly. If I had been his father he could not have pleaded harder to get me to give up my purpose. But I turned a deaf ear to all he said. When he perceived at last that nothing could alter my determination, he ceased to urge, and for a while the deep silence was broken only by his sobs. I sat in marble resolution, with my eyes fixed npon vacancy, for in spirit I was already wrestling with the perils of the mountains, and my friend sat gazing at me in adoring admiration through his tears. At last he threw himself upon me in a loving embrace and exclaimed in broken tones : 418 AN ALPINE EXPEDITION. 419 "Tour Harris will never desert you. We will die to- gether ! " I cheered the noble fellow with praises, and soon his fears were forgotten and he was eager for the adventure. He wanted to summon the guides at once and leave at 2 in the morning, as he supposed the custom was; but I explained that nobody was looking, at that hour; and that the start in the dark was not usually made from the village but from the j.rst night's resting place on the mountain side. I said we would leave the village at 3 or 4 p. m. on the morrow ; mean- time he could notify the guides, and also let the public know of the attempt which we proposed to make. I went to bed, but not to sleep. No man can sleep when he is about to undertake one of these Alpine exploits. I tossed feverish!}'- all night long, and M'as glad enough when 1 heard the clock strike half past eleven and knew it was time to get up for dinner. I rose jaded and rusty, and M-ent to the noon meal, where I found myself the centKe of inter- est and curiosity ; for the news was already abroad. It is not easy to eat calmly when you are a lion, but it is very pleas- ant, nevertheless. As usual, at Zermatt, when a great ascent is about to be undertaken, everybody, native and foreign, laid aside his own projects and took up a good position to observe the start. The expedition consisted of 198 persons, including the mules ; or 205, including the cows. As follows : Chiefs of Service. Subordinates. Myself. 1 Veterinary Surgeon. Mr. Harris. 1 Butler. 17 Guides. 12 "Waiters. 4 Surgeons. 1 Footman. 1 Geologist. 1 Barber. 1 Botanist. 1 Head Cook. 3 Chaplains. 9 Assistants. 2 Draftsmen. 4 Pastry Cooks. 15 Barkeepers. 1 Confectionery Artist. 1 Latinist. 420 READY FOR THE START. 27 44 44 Porters. Mules. Muleteers. Transportation etc. 3 Coarse Washers and Ironers. 1 Eine ditto. 7 Cows. 2 Milkers. en, 51 animals. Grand Total, 205. Apparatus. 25 Spring Mattrasses. 2 Hair ditto. Bedding for same. 2 Mosquito Nets. 29 Tents. Scientific Instruments. 97 Ice-axes. 5 Cases Dynamite. 7 Cans Nitro-glycerine. 22 40-foot Ladders. 2 Miles of Rope. 154 Umbrellas. Rations, etc. 16 Cases Hams. 2 Barrels Flour. 22 Barrels Whiskey. 1 Barrel Sugar 1 Keg Lemons. 2,000 Cigars. 1 Barrel Pies. 1 Ton of Pemmican- 143 Pair Crutches, 2 Barrels Arnica. 1 Bale of Lint. 27 Kegs Paregoric. It was full four o'clock in the afternoon before my caval- cade was entirely ready. At that hour it began to move. In point of numl)ers and spectacular effect, it was the most imposing expedition that had ever marched from Zermatt. I commanded the chief guide to arrange the men and animals in single tile, twelve feet apart, and lash them all together on a strong rope. He objected that the first two miles was a dead level, with plenty of room, and that the rope was never used except in very dangerous places. But I would not listen to that. My reading had taught me that many serious accidents had happened in the Alps simply from not having the people tied up soon enough ; I was not going to add one to the list. The guide then obeyed my order. When the procession stood at ease, roped together, and ready to move, I never saw a finer sight. It was 3,122 feet long — over half a mile ; every man but Harris and me was on foot, and had on his green veil and his blue goggles, and his white rag around his hat, and his coil of rope over one shoulder and under the other, and his ice-axe in his belt, and BARRIS AND MYSELF AT OUR POSTS. 421 carried his alpenstock in his left hand, his umbrella (closed,) in his right, and his crutches slung at his back. The burdens of the pack mnles, and the horns of the cows, were decked with the Edelweiss and the Alpine rose. I and my agent were the only persons mounted. "We were in the post of danger in the extreme rear, and tied securely to five guides apiece. Our armor-bearers carried our ice-axes, alpenstocks and other implements for us. We were mount* ed upon very small donkeys, as a measure of safety ; in time of peril we could straighten our legs and stand up, and let the donkey walk from under. Still, I cannot recommend this sort of animal, — at least for excursions of mere pleasure, — because his ears interrupt the view. I and my agent possess- ed the regulation mountaineering costumes, but concluded to leave them behind. Out of respect for the great numbers of tourists of both sexes who would be assembled in front of 422 THE MOMENT OF DEPARTURE. the hotels to see us pass, and also out of respect for the many- tourists, whom we expected to encounter on our expedition, we decided to make the ascent in evening dress. At 15 minutes past 4 I gave the command to move, and my subordinates passed it along the line. The great crowd in front of the Monte Rosa hotel parted in twain, with a cheer, as the pro- cession approached; and as the head of it was filing by I gave the order, — " Unlini- ber — make ready HOIST ! " — and with one impulse up went my half mile of umbrellas. It w a s a beautiful sight, and a total surprise to the spectators. Noth- ing like that had ever been seen in the Alps before. The applause it brought forth was deeply gratifying to me, and I rode by with my plug hat in my hand to testify my appreciation of it. It was the only testimony I could offer, for I was too full to speak. We watered the caravan at the cold stream which rushes down a trough the march. near the end of the village, and soon afterward left the haunts OUR FIRST CAMP. 4-25 of civilization behind us. About half past 5 o'clock we ar- rived at a bridge which spans the Yisp, and after throwing over a detachment to see if it was safe, the caravan crossed without accident. The way now led, by a gentle ascent, car- peted with fresh green grass, to the church of Winkelraatten. Without stopping to examine this edifice, I executed a flank movement to the right and crossed the bridge over the Findel- enbach, after first testing its strength. Here I deployed to the right again, and presently entered an inviting stretch of meadow land which was unoccupied save by a couple of deserted huts toward its furthest extremity. These meadows offered an excellent camping place. We pitched our tents, supped, established a proper guard, recorded the events of the day, and then went to bed. We rose at 2 in the morning and dressed by candle light. It was a dismal and chilly business. A few stars were shin- ing, but the general heavens, were ^overcast, and the great shaft of the Matterhorn was draped in a sable pall of clouds. The chief guide advised a delay ; he said he feared it was going to rain. We waited until nine o'clock, and then got away in tolerably clear weather. Our course led up some terrific steeps, densely wooded with larches and cedars, and traversed by paths which the rains had guttered and which were obstructed by loose stones. To add to the danger and inconvenience, we were constantly meeting returning tourists on foot or horseback, and as cont- stantly being crowded and battered by ascending tourists who^ were in a hurry and wanted to get by. Our troubles thickened. About the middle of the after- noon the seventeen guides called a halt and held a consulta- tion. After consulting an hour they said their first suspicion remained intact, — that is to say, they believed they were lost. I asked if they did not know it ? Ko, they said, they couldnH absolutely know whether they were lost or not, because none of them had ever been in that part of the country before. They had a strong instinct that they were lost, but they hadj 25 426 ALMOST A PANIC. no proofs, — except that they did not know where they were. They had met no tourists for some time, and they considered that a suspicious sign. Plainly we were in an ugly fix. The guides were natural- ly unwilling to- go alone and seek a way out of the difSculty ; so we all went together. For better security we moved slow and cautiously, for the forest was very dense. We did not move up the mountain, but around it, hoping to strike across the old trail. Toward nightfall, when we were about tired out, we came up against a rock as big as a cottage. This barrier took all the remaining spirit out of the men, and a panic of fear and despair ensued. They moaned and wept, and said tliey should never see their homes and their dear ones again. Then they began to upbraid me for bringii'g tliein upon tliis fatal expedition. Some even muttered threats against me. Clearly it was no time to show weakness. So J made a speech in which I said that other Alp-climbers had been in as perilous a position as this, and yet by courage and perse- verance had escaped. I promised to stand by them, I prom- ised to rescue them. I closed by saying we had plenty of provisions to maintain us for quite a siege, — and did they suppose Zermatt would allow half a mile of men and mules to mysteriously disappear during any considerable time, right above their noses, and make no inquiries? No, Zermatt would send out searching-expeditions and we should be saved. Tliis speech had a great effect. The men pitched the tents with some little show of cheerfulness, and we were snngly under cover when the night shut down. I now reaped the reward of my wisdom in providing one article which is not mentioned in any book of Alpine adventure but this. I re- fer to the paregoric. But for that beneficent drug, not one of those men would have slept a moment during that fearful night. But for that gentle persuader they must have tossed, nnsoothed, the night through; for the whisky was for me. Yts, they would have risen in the morning unfitted for their A SLEEPLESS NIGHT. 427 heavy task. As it was, everybody slept but my agent and me, — only we two and the barkeepers. I would not permit myself to sleep at such a time. I considered myself responsi- ble for all those lives. I meant to be on hand and ready, in case of avalanches. I am aware now, that there were no ava- lanches up there, but I did not know it then. We watched the weather all through that awful night, and kept an eye on the barometer, to be prepared for the least change. There was not the slight- est change recorded by the instrument, durino; the whole time. Words cannot describe the comfortthat that friendly, hopeful, steadfast thing was to me in that season of trouble. It was a defect- ive barometer, and had no hand but the stationary brass pointer, but I did not know that until afterward. If I should be in such a situation again, I should not wish for any barometer but that one. All hands rose at 2 in the morning and took breakfast, and as soon as it was ligh* we roped ourselves together and went at that rock. For some time we tried the hook-rope and other means of scaling it, but without success. That is without perfect success. The hook caught once, and Harris started up it hand over hand, but the hold broke and if there had not happened to be a chaplain sitting underneath at the time, Harris would certainly have been crippled. As it was, it was the chaplain. He took to his crutches, and I ordered the hook -rope to be laid aside. It was too dangerous an imple- ment where so many people were standing around. THE HOOK. 428 REMOVING OBSTACLES. We were puzzled for a while ; then somebody thought of the ladders. One of these was leaned against the rock, and the men went up it tied together in couples. Another ladder was sent up for use in descending. At the end of half an hour every- body was over, and that rock was conquered. We gave our first grand shout of triumph. But the joy was short-lived, for somebody asked how we were going to get the animals over. This was a serious difiiculty ; in fact it was an impossibility. The courage of the men began to THE DISABLED CHAPLAIN. wavor Immediately ; once more we were threatened with a panic. But when the danger was most imminent, we were saved in a mysterious way. A mule which had attracted attention from the beginning by its dis- position to experi- ment, tried to eat a five-pound can of nitro-gly cerine. This happened right along-side the rock. The explo- sion threw us all to the ground, and covered us with ' -; dirt and debris ; it /^^^ frightened us ex- tremely, too, for the crash it made was deafening, and the violence of the shock made the ground tremble. However, we were grateful, for the rock was gone. Its place was occupied by a new cellar, about thirty feet across, by fifteen feet deep. The explosion TRYING EXPEKIMBNTS. BADLY LOST. 429 was heard as far a^ Zermatt ; and an hour and a half after- ward, many citizens of that town were knocked down and quite seriously injured by descending portions of mule meat, frozen solid. This shows, better than any estimate in figures how high the experimenter went. We had nothing to do, nowj but bridge the cellar and pro- ceed on our way. With a cheer the men went at their work. I attended to the engineering, myself. I appointed a strong detail to cut down trees with ice-axes and trim them for piers to support the bridge. This was a slow business, for ice-axes are not good to cut wood with. I caused my piers to be firm- ly set up in ranks in the cellar, and upon them I laid six of my forty-foot ladders, side by side, and laid six more on top of them. Upon this bridge I caused a bed of boughs to be spread, and on top of the boughs a bed of earth six inches deep. I stretched ropes upon either side to serve as railings, and then my bridge was complete. A train of elephants could have crossed it in safety and comfort. By nightfall the cara- van was on the other side and the ladders taken up. Next morning we went on in good spirits for a while, though our way was slow and difficult, by reason of the steep and rocky nature of the ground and the thickness of the for- est ; but at last a dull despondency crept into the men's faces and it was apparent that not only they, but even the guides, were now convinced that we were lost. The fact that we still met no tourists was a circumstance that was but too signifi- cant. Another thing seemed to suggest that we were not only lost, but very badly lost : for there must surely be search- ing-parties on the road before this time, yet we had seen no sign of them. Demoralization was spreading ; something must be done, and done quickly, too. Fortunately, I am not unfertile in expedients. I contrived o^ne now which commended itself to all, for it promised well. I took three-quarters of a mile of rope and fastened one end of it around the waist of a guide, and told him to go and find the road, whilst the 430 A SHREWD EXPEDIENT. caravan waited. I instructed him to guide himself back by the rope, in case of failure ; in case of success, he was to give the rope a series of violent jerks, whereupon the Expedition would go to him at once. He departed, and in two minutes had disappeared among the trees. I payed out the rope my- self, while everybody watched the crawling thing with eager eyes. The rope crept away quite slowly, at times, at other times with some briskness. Twice or thrice we seemed to get the signal, and a shout was just ready to break from the men's lips when they perceived it was a false alarm. But at last, when over half a mile of rope had slidden away it stop- ped gliding and stood absolutely still, — one minute, — two minutes, — three, — while we held our breath and watched. Was the guide resting ? Was he scanning the country from some high point ? Was he inquiring of a chance mountaineer? Stop, — had he fainted from excess of fa- tigue and anxiety ? This thought gave us a shock. I was in the very act of detailing an expedition to succor him, when the cord was assailed with a series of such frantic jerks that I could hardly keep hold of it. The huzza that went up, then, was good to hear. "Saved! saved!" was the word that rang out, all down the long rank of the caravan. We rose up and started at once. We found the route to be good enough for a while, but it began to grow difficult, by and by, and this feature steadily increased. When we judged we had gone half a mile, we momently expected to see the guide ; but no, he was not visible anywhere ; neither was he waiting, for the rope was still moving, consequently he was doing the same. This argued that he had not found saved! saved I MYSTERIOUS AND EXASPERATING. 431 the road, yet, but was marching to it with some peasant. There was nothing for us to do but plod along, — and this we did. At the end of three hours we were still plodding. This was not only mysterious, but exasperating. And very fa- tiguing, too; for we had tried hard, along at first, to catch up with the guide, but had only fagged ourselves, in vain ; for although he was traveling slowly he was yet able to go faster than the hampered caravan over such ground. At three in the afternoon we were nearly dead with ex- haustion, — and still the rope was slowly gliding out. The murmurs against the guide had been growing, steadily, and at last they were become loud and savage. A mutiny ensu- ed. The men refused to proceed. They declared that we had been traveling over and over the same ground all day, in a kind of circle. They demanded that our end of the rope be made fast to a tree, so as to halt the guide until we could overtake him and kill him. This was not an unreasonable requirement, so 1 gave the order. As soon as the rope was tied, the Expedition moved for- ward with that alacrity which the thirst for vengeance usually inspires. But after a tiresome march of almost half a mile, TWENTY MINUTES' WORK. we came to a hill covered thick with a crumbly rubbish of stones, and so steep that no man of us all was now in a 432 A CRUEL DISAPPOINTMENT. condition to climb it. Every attempt failed, and ended in crippling somebody. Within twenty minutes I had five men on crutches. Whenever a climber tried to assist himself by the rope, it yielded and let him tumble backwards. The frequen- cy of this result suggested an idea to me. I ordered the cara- van to ' bout face and form in marching order ; I then made the tow-rope fast to the rear mule, and gave the command, — " Mark time — by the right flank — forward — march ! " Tlie procession began to move, to the impressive strains of a battle-chant, and I said to myself, " Now, if the rope don't break I judge this will^ ^.JIk^ fetch that guide into the camp." I watched the hill, and presently fixed for triumph ed by a bitter ment: there tied to the only a very black ram. baffled Ex ed all bounds. to wreak geance But I M^ prey, ^ gliding down when I was all I was confront- disappoint- was no gui.de rope, it was indignant old The fury of the pedition exjeed- even wanted their unreasoning ven- on this innocent dumb brute. )od between them and their menaced by a bristling wall of ice-axes and alpenstocks, and proclaimed that there was but one road to this murder, and it was directly over my corse. Even as I spoke I saw that my doom was sealed, except a miracle supervened to divert thepe madmen from their fell purpose. I see that sickening wall of weapons now ; I see that advancing host as I saw it then, I see the hate in those cruel eyes ; I remember how I drooped my head upon ray Hbreast,*!— f^el-a^fatn tbe -&i>d