SHOEMAKER'S BEST SELECTIONS For Re2i>.dings and Recitations Numbers I to 26 Now Issued Paper Binding, each number, . e . . 30 cents Cloth •• «... .... 50 cents Teachers, Readers, Students, and all persons who have had occasion to use books of this kind, concede this to be the best series of speakers published. The different numbers are compiled by leading elocutionists of the country, who have exceptional facilities for secur- ing selections, and whose judgment as to their merits is invaluable. No trouble or expense is spared to obtain the very best readings and recitations, and much material is used by special arrangement with other pub- lishers, thus securing the best selections from such American authors as Longfellow, Holmes, Whittier, Lowell, Emerson, Alice and Phoebe Gary, Mrs. Stowe, and many others. The foremost English authors are also represented, as well as the leading French and German writers. This series was formerly called **The Elocutionist's Annual,'* the first seventeen numbers being published under that title. While the primary purpose of these books is to supply the wants of the public reader and elocutionist, nowhere else can be found such an attractive collection of interesting short stories for home reading. Sold by all booksellers and newsdealers, or mailed upon receipt of price. THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 923 Arch Street Philadelphijs^ I I'he Dressing Gown A FARCE IN ONE ACT By Robert C. V. Meyers Author of *'A Lady's cHoie/' *' The Top Landing/' etc. PHILADELPHIA THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY ^cj|,3 ^ 't\ t!^^ 'i THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS, Two Copies Received MAY. 20 1^02 Copyright entry ' LASS i XXa No. COPY B. Copyright 1902 by The Penn Publishing Company CAST OF CHARACTERS Peter Peabody — w/io makes the length of the gown an ex- cuse for a short temper. Mrs. Peabody — his wife, who makes the gown shorter and excuses nothing when her personal property is at- tacked. Miriam — the daughter, who also curtails the tail of the gown, and whose excuse is her heart. Angus Kirk — who is the excuse of all the excuses. Cumber — the butler, who helps shorten the gown, and whose temper is shortened by the shortness of others. Sarah — the maid, who assists in the shortening process both as regards the temper of the butler and the gown. COSTUMES In accordance with characters. Time in Representation, — thirty-five minutes. The Dressing Gown SCENE. — Parlor ; Exits, r., l. and q. ; piano, R. ; sofa and chairs ; table with 7vork-hasket containing scis- sors, needles, thread and thimble. (Cumber and Sarah on stage. ) Sarah (^dusting piano, crashes haftds on keys and sings'). '* Home, Home, Sweet, Sweet Home, There's no place like home, there's no place like home." Cumber (^arranging door curtains'). And I'm glad there's no place like home if that's the way it goes. Sarah. How sarcastic ! But I'm only laughing at mas- ter and missus. He's a wild turk and she's a meek goose. Cumber. Missus is mighty kind to you, Sarah. Sarah. Master's mighty unkind to you. Cumber. Cumber. Only these last two days. Sarah. These last two days will last till we're all dazed. Cumber. Don't make puns, Sarah. Sarah. I am punished so much these last two days I can't help it. Cumber. The fusses in the house seem to agree with you. Sarah. I am trying to keep cheerful. Master's a chair- ful of bad temper. If I was missus I'd temper him.* Cumber. It's only because Mr. Kirk wants to marry Miss Miriam. She's an only child and master hates to part with her. Sarah. Instead, he parts with his temper, and missus is afraid of him. He's a bear. It's barely possible the dress- ing gown has something to do with his temper. Cumber. He says it has. Sarah. Simply because his tailor sent home a dressing gown with too much tail to it. It's my opinion he ordered that gown long on purpose. {Striking piano and siiiging.) *' Home, Home, Sweet, Sweet Home." 6 THE DRESSING GOWN {Enter C, Peabody ivith dressing gow 71 on. It trails on the floor.) Peabody. What's the meaning of this concert? Sarah {^jumping tip'). I was dusting the piano. Peabody. And it sang to you ? There's no dust on the piano. Sarah. Then Fll dust. [Goings.) Peabody. Girl ! Sarah. Sir ! Peabody. Ask my wife to come here. Pve been two days trying to get the tailor to send for this gown and take a half yard off it. PU wait no longer. Sarah. It couldn't be much longer, could it, sir? Peabody. What ? Sarah. The gown. Pll tell missus. {Exit R., Sarah.) Peabody. Cumber ! Cumber. Yes, sir. Peabody. Mr. Kirk is not to enter this house. Go 1 {Exit Cumber r.) Kirk shan't have her. My wife is too meek to argue with, but she upholds Kirk. Pll put a stop to that. {Enter r., Mrs. Peabody.) Mrs. Peabody. You've got your gown on, haven't you, Peter ? [Nervously. ) Peabody. Does it look as though I hadn't ? Such idiotic questions ! 1 suppose you couldn't cut a half yard of it off ? Mrs. Peabody. Of course I can, dear. Why didn't you ask me before ? Peabody. Pm tired of asking you to do things. Pve asked you to show cool to Kirk, but you don't. Mrs. Peabody {crying). You're so cross. Peabody. Stop crying. Mrs. Peabody. Yes, dear. Peabody. Be merry. Laugh ! Mrs. Peabody {hysterically). Ha ! Ha ! ' . Peabody. Cut a half yard off this gowai. Mrs. Peabody. If you walk across the room I can see how much too long it is; THE DRESSING GOWN 7 Peabody. Then look. ( Walks and pitches over gown and scrambles up. ) Mrs. Peabody. Did you hurt yourself, dear? Peabody. You made We walk on purpose, you knew I'd fall down. Mrs. Peabody {crying). Oh, Peter, how can you ! Peabody. Another thing. You're abetting Miriam and Kirk. Kirk shan't enter this house. {Enter l., Miriam.) Miriam. I heard you, papa, and I will try to keep Mr. Kirk away. Why, mamma, what is the matter? Peabody. Simply because I asked her to take a half yard off this gown she burst into tears. It's enough to set a man wild. {Tries to stride np and doivn, ivhen he falls. Throws off gown to a chair.) It's her fault and yours, every bit of it. {Exit L., Peabody.) Miriam. Mamma, please don't cry. Mrs. Peabody. He is so cruel. Miriam. I wouldn't put up with it. Why don't you resent it ? Mrs. Peabody. You must not speak thus of your father. And, darling, keep Mr. Kirk away. {Exith., Mrs. Peabody, weeping.) Miriam. I'll never be the meek woman mammals. Keep Angus away, indeed ! {Sees gown.) Horrid old thing. {Sits down and cuts off some of it.) I'll take a half yard off, if that's all. There ! You're short enough, now, I hope. {Enter c. Kirk.) Oh, Angus, how did you get in? Kirk. By the door, of course. Why not ? Miriam. But papa is crosser than ever. Says you are not to come. He is worse than ever this morning. Kirk. And of course he blames his long dressing gown for it all. Why don't you shorten it? Miriam. I have done so, though he may not like it. But you must go. Kirk. But I'm already here. I'm a sticker, I am, and not a meek article like your mother. 'TK. 8 THE DRESSING GOWN Miriam. Poor mamma ! Kirk. Why doesn't she assert herself? Miriam. How can she assert herself against papa as he is now ? Kirk. She ought to stand up for herself. At all events, you won't give me up. Miriam. Never. Oh ! {^Noise outside. ~) Here's papa ! i^Both rush off c, as e?ifer Peabody, l.) Peabody. So he is back again, is he ? Where is he ? Not here? Then Cumber did not tell me the truth. He's in league with them. I'll have it out with Cumber. {Exit R., Mr. Peabody. Enter l., Mrs. Peabody.) Mrs. Peabody. I'm trembling all over. I'm so nerv- ous.. Ah, here is the dressing gown. Maybe if I alter it he will be in better humor. (^Sits doivn and cuts off gown. ) He said it was a half-yard too long. And poor Miriam and Mr. Kirk ! They shall be happy. Oh, here is Peter ! (^Throws down gown and rises. Enter c, Sarah.) Oh, it is only you, Sarah. Sarah. Your new bonnet has come ma'am. Mrs. Peabody. I am not thinking of bonnets. Where is Mr. Peabody? Sarah. Going for Cumber for saying Mr. Kirk had come. (^Noise.^ I think he is murdering Cumber with a poker. Mrs. Peabody. Oh ! Oh ! {Exit!.., Mrs. Peabody.) Sarah {^sitting down and catching up gown and cuttiu"'^ it off). I wanted to get rid of her so I could address myself to this dressing gown. I'll do my part towards put- ting master into a good temper. What I like about Cumhc r is his taking his own part. There I that's done. {Throwin ■ down gown and going to piano afid striking keys and si fil- ing, ' ' Home, Home, Siveet, Sweet Home. ' ' Jumps up. ) Oh, here's master. {^Dusting furniture, as enter L., Cum- ber.) Oh, it's you. Cumber. Well ? Sarah. I thought you were far from well. I thought master was after you with a poker. THE DRESSING GOWN 9 Cumber. He used the poker on Mr. Kirk's hat and a box of Mr. Kirk's. Sarah. With a poker ! Why must he go poking around ? {Starting.) You said a box. Did he use the poker on a high, square box on the hall table? Cumber. Exactly. Sarah (^shrieking). That's missus' new bonnet. Any man to smash a lady's bonnet ! Oh, where is missus? {Exit L., Sarah.) Cumber. I never saw such a temper as he's in to-day. Here's that thing. {^Holding up dressing gown.) Calls it long, does he ? I was a tailor before I became a butler. {Sitting down and cutting gown.) I'll fix it for him if that's all. There ! maybe that will suit his royal highness. {Enter r., Kirk.) Kirk. Cumber, where is Mr. Peabody ? I wish to have it out with him. I'm not going to see Miss Miriam made unhappy any longer. Cumber. The last I saw of Mr. Peabody, sir, he was smashing your hat with a poker. Kirk. My hat ! That gives me an excuse at once. {Enter r., Miriam.) Your father, Miriam {affecting anger), has pokered my hat. Let me get at him. Miriam (holding his arm). Oh, Angus, do not forget, he is my father. Kirk. I must have it out with him. He has pokered my hat. Miriam. Angus, you shall not meet him when you are like this. Kirk {struggling to free his arm). I don't care how I meet him. Miriam. If you molest my father I will never see you again. Kirk. The time has come for action. Miriam. I am not meek like mamma. So remember what I say. Kirk {breaking fro7n her). Remember what I do. {Exit L., Kirk.) Miriam. If he touches papa I will never speak to him again. Cumber, go after him, do not let hiui touch papa. 10 . THE DRESSING GOWN {Exit L., Cumber.) The idea of Angus beating papa. ( Walking 2cp and down.) I am not meek like mamma. J will never speak to him if he so much as accuses papa un- fairly. The idea ! The idea ! (^E^iter c, Mrs. Peabody with wi'eck of bonnet in he?- hand.') Mrs. Peabody (^loudly'). Miriam, behold your father's fiendish work. {^Holding up bonnet.) Miriam. Papa did that ? Mrs. Peabody. With a poker. Am I to stand idly by and see such work done ? Never ! I have stood much, but when a woman's new bonnet is made a victim of a man's fury that is the last straw. Look at it ! {Putting it on her head.) A new bonnet, never on my head before. Miriam {clasping her hands). I never saw you so angry. Mrs. Peabody. You never saw me with a smashed bonnet before. ( Throwing chair aside.) Miriam. Mamma, you are beside yourself. Mrs. Peabody. My new bonnet. Look at the bird of Paradise on it, and the blush roses — a wreck, a wreck. Miriam. Mamma, you will be ill. Mrs. Peabody. I am perfectly well, I feel fine. The worm has turned. When a worm's bonnet is smashed it is time for the worm to turn. Miriam. What shall I do? Angus is angry too, papa crushed his hat. Angus has gone to papa to make him answer for his act. Mrs. Peabody. Your father is my husband, no one shall lay a hand on him. {Bringing her hand down on the piano keys.) I must see Mr. Kirk. {Exiti.., Mrs. Peabody, bonnet over her eye.) Miriam {sinkijig on sofa). Mamma scares me. She is brave as a lion. {Jumping up.) In that case I too will be brave. {JSnter L., Sarah.) Sarah. Oh, miss, ain't it awful ! Master has lost his senses, and missus scents war. I wouldn't give a cent for master if missus finds him. And Pve sent her to him ! Miriam, Girl, where is Mr. Kirk? THE DRESSING GOWN 11 Sarah. Cumber sent him to master to master him. Miriam. He goes to master papa, does he? I'll see to that. Sarah, two worms have turned. i^Exit L., Miriam.) Sarah. Two worms ! Then there'll be three of us, for Cumber has turned on me for telling him he ought to be ashamed of himself for sicking a young man on an old one. From henceforth I am a turned worm. {^Banging on piano keys.^ {Enter c, Cumber.) Sarah. Coward ! Cumber. Who's a coward ? Sarah. Mr. Kirk's young and master's not, and you set the young one on the old. Cumber. So you're mad, too, are you ? This is mas- ter's fault, he's made us all mad. Sarah. It's your fault. Bah ! Cumber. Don't "bah" me, Sarah. Sarah. I'll ''bah " you as long as I please. Bah ! I can ''bah " you if I can't bear you. Bah ! {Exit c, Sarah.) Cumber. "Bahs"me, does she, and can't bear me! I hold master accountable for this. {Enter l., Kirk and Miriam.) Miriam. Mr. Kirk, I wish you to understand that I will not have my father touched simply because he injured your hat. Kirk. Then you side with him. Miriam. He is my father. Kirk. Then I am nothing to you. Farewell ! {Exit c, Kirk.) Miriam. He will not go. {Door bangs.) Oh, that's the door banging. He has gone. And it is all papa's fault. Oh, I shall die. {Sittking on chair on top of dress- ing-gown.) Cumber. Miss, shall I go for Mr. Kirk ? 12 THE DRESSING GOWN Miriam. Oh, Cumber, bring him back. Yes, yes, go for him. Cumber {rolling up sleeves^. Then I'll go for him. 1 must have it out with somebody. {Exile, Cumber.) Miriam {jumping up). Go for him ! He means he will beat him. Beat Angus ! {Sinki?tg back in chair, as enter l., Mrs. Peabody Jiold- ing Peabody. Miriam rises.) Mrs. Peabody. Peter Peabody, the worm has turned. Peabody {trying to get away). Let it turn. Mrs. Peabody. What do you mean by smashing my new bonnet ? Peabody. Eh ? What ? Mrs. Peabody. You smashed the box in which my new bonnet had just come home. Peabody. I smashed a box beside Kirk's hat. I thought he had flowers in it for Miriam. I saw flowers in it. Mrs. Peabody. It was my bonnet. Don't tell me. You knew very well it was my new bonnet. Peabody. Anna Maria ! Mrs. Peabody, Don't ''Anna Maria" me. You are a bear — a vicious bear — a bonnet smashing bear. {Shaking him.) I've stood it long enough, I'll stand it no longer. Miriam. Oh, mamma ! Peabody. Anna Maria ! Mrs. Peabody. I'm not Anna Maria. I'm a woman. How dare you smash my bonnet? Peabody. Anna Mrs. Peabody. Don't dare to speak to me. How dare you smash my bonnet ? How dare you smash Mr. Kirk's hat? How dare you smash your daughter's happiness? Miriam. Yes, papa, Mr. Kirk has left me. Peabody. Miriam Mrs. Peabody. Don't dare to speak to her either. You a father ! You are a bear, a dancing bear. {Jumping Jmn tip and down.) Peabody. My dear ! Mrs. Peabody. Don't dare to speak to me. Miriam {going to her). Oh, mamma ! THE DRESSING GOWN 1 3 Mrs. Peabody. Don't you dare to speak to me either. I am roused. Peabody. My darling Mrs. Peabody. I'm not your darling, I am a roused woman. How dare you treat Miriam and Mr. Kirk as you have done ! Peabody. If you will only listen to me Mrs. Peabody. I've listened to you long enough. Peabody. But just this once. Mrs, Peabody. To treat Miriam and Mr. Kirk like this ! What do you mean by it ? Peabody. If you will only let me get a word in edge- ways. Mrs. Peabody. Get it in, then. What word can you use to excuse yourself, you bear ? Peabody. The dressing gown ! Mrs. Peabody. How dare you mention that dressing gown ! Peabody. It — it upset me. Mrs. Peabody. You upset yourself, I saw you tumble down. Peabody. I mean — I mean I was annoyed because the tailor made it too long. Mrs. Peabody. No such thing. {Plumping him into chair, F. c.) Sit there. You were angry with Mr. Kirk for wishing to marry Miriam. Peabody. If you take it so to heart, my dear, Kirk may have her. Mrs. Peabody. Of course he shall. But what do you mean by being such a bear ? Peabody. The dressing gown was too long. Mrs. Peabody {shaking finger at him). You wicked man to make a dressing gown responsible for your fiendish temper ! Peabody. My dear Mrs. Peabody. Don't dare to speak to me. Peabody. I didn't know it was your bonnet. I hope you will get another one to-morrow. Mrs. Peabody. Smashing everything in the house simply because your daughter wished to marry a nice young man ! Peabody. I tell you Miriam may have him. Miriam {handkerchief to her eyes). I have just sent him away forever. ; 14 THE DRESSING GOWN Mrs. Peabody. You wicked girl, I will never forgive you. Peabody, My dear Anna Maria — — ' • Mrs. Peabody. Don't dare to speak to me. {Enter l., Sarah.) Sarah. Oh, ma'am, here comes Cumber/ and he is cumbered with Mr. Kirk. Miriam. Angus ! Mrs. Peabody. Peter Peabody, behold your work. (^Pointing to bomtet on her head.') {^Enter c, Cumber with Kirk who has broken high hat in hand. ) Cumber. I've fetched him back. Miss Miriam. Kirk {struggling with him). Let me go. Miriam. Hold him, Cumber. Mrs. Peabody. Let him go. Cumber, he is too good for my daughter. Kirk {freeing himself). If you please, Mrs. Peabody, I ■ don't like to hear Miriam called names. Peabody. Hush ! Hush 1 It is all my fault. It was the dressing gown. I put it on and it was too long for me. Mrs. Peabody. Too long ! Put it on — put it on this minute ! Peabody {rising). Really, my dear, it is so long I look like a guy in it. Mrs. Peabody {jvith gown). Here, put it on. Peabody. Anna Maria Mrs. Peabody. Put it on, put it on. {They help him put it on. It is up between his shoulders.) Peabody. It — it has shrunk. Mrs. Peabody. Shrunk ! To put you in good humor I cut a half yard off it. Miriam. — So did I. Sarah. So did I. Cumber, So did I. Kirk. Mr. Peabody, it is not so lengthy now. It {Laughs.) Peabody. Don't laugh at me, sir. Mrs, Peabody. He shall. We all will. Laugh, all of )'oii. {Jliey lau(^h.) THE DRESSING GOWN 1 5 Peabody. Anna Maria, please don't make a laughing stock of me. Mrs. Peabody. Then why did you make a laughing stock of me ? Look at this bonnet ! Kirk (^putting on smashed high haf). Look at this hat ! Peabody. Anna Maria — Miriam — Kirk — I — I Mrs. Peabody. You mean that you consent to Miriam's marriage ? Peabody. Certainly, my dear. Mrs. Peabody. And I have another bonnet to-morrow ? Peabody. Certainly, my dear. Miriam. Oh, papa, how could you have been so cruel ! You almost separated Mr. Kirk and me. Sarah. You made Cumber and me quarrel. Cumber. You made me wish to punch Mr. Kirk's head, Mrs. Peabody. Yes, and everybody doing all they could for you — everybody making your dressing gown shorter for you. (^Crying.) Peabody. I see, I see, my dear. I recognize the affec- tion of you all. But the gown Mrs. Peabody. Bother the gown. Never be a bear again, Peter, unless — oh, Peter, unless it is a hugging bear. i^Going to him.) I am so faint. i^He supports her.) Miriam. So am I, Angus. (Kirk holds her.) Sarah. Oh, Cumber ! (Cumber holds her.) Peabody. Anna Maria, Miriam, all of you. I have been greatly at fault, but as you all forgive me, let me say that a man hates to accuse himself too much. Let us all be lijppy, and let us lay the blame where I should most like to, Mrs. Peabody. Be careful, Peter. Peabody. I will hereafter. And now let us blame the dressing gown. Cumber, Sarah. Kirk, Miriam. Mr. Peabody, Mrs, Peabody. CURTAIN «M«0"°' i^AY 20 1902 1 COPY DEL. TO CAT. MAY 20 1902 MAY Practical Elocution By J. W. Shoemaker, A. M. 300 pages Cloth, Leather Back, ^1.25 This work is the outgrowth of actual class-room experience, and ia a practical, common-sense treatment of the whole subject. It is clear and concise, yet comprehensive, and is absolutely free from the entangling technicalities that are so frequently found in books of this class. Conversation, which is the basis of all true Elocution, is regarded as embracing all the germs of speech and action. Prominent attention is therefore given to the cultivation of this the most common form of human ex- pression. General principles and practical processes are pre- sented for the cultivation of strength, purity, and flexi- bility of Voice, for the improvement of distinctness and correctness in articulation, and for the development of Soul power in delivery. The work includes a systematic treatment of Gesture in its several departments of position, facial expression, and bodily movement, a brief system of Gymnastics bearing upon vocal development and grace of move- ment, and also a chapter on Methods of Instruction, for teachers. Sold by all booksellers, or sent, prepaid, upon receipt of price. The Penn Publishing Company 923 Arch Street, Philadelphia LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 015 825 839 « SHOEMAKER'S THE NATIONAL SCHOOL OF ELOCUTION AND ORATORY The Oldest Chartered School of Elocution in America ODD FELLOWS' TEMPLE, BROAD AND CHERRY STREETS PHILADELPHIA BEST TEACHERS BEST METHODS BEST RESULTS Regular Day Course Saturday and Evening Classes Private Instruction The aim of this School is to teach students how to express correctly and effectively what they know and feel. The lack of good readers, speakers, and teachers of reading is due mainly to faulty training which leads to affectation and unnaturalness. The numerous graduates of this School who occupy prominent positions throughout the United States and Canada bear ample testimony to the excellence of the course of study pursued in this institution. Grants diplomas and confers degrees. Illustrated thirty-four page catalogue, giving full information, sent on request. MRS. J. W. SHOEMAKER. PRiNQPAL