PRICE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS Wiggins of Pop-Over Farm COMEDY DRAMA IX FOUR ACTS BY Howard P. Taylor ^v^ V\^ h{Sf«me as Act III. Six months later. Towel hanging on line. If desired, quartette can he sung before raising curtai7i. ENTER Sim from house, wiping mouth with handkerchief. ENTER Speck from dairy, carrying jar of jam with white paper wrapped loosely around it. Sim. Hello, little one. What are you doing? (Goes down) Speck. Licking jam. Want some? Awful good. Wiggins of Pop-Over Farm 49 Sim. No, thanks. Just had dinner. But you didn't get it all in your mouth. You've got a smudge on your cheek. Speck (Jiolding up her face to Mm). Wipe it off. {He does so) Some on my fingers, too. {He wipes tliem) Going back to work now? Sim {looks at watch). Well, I've got fifteen minutes yet. Speck, I'm glad of that. You can tell me a heap in that time. Anything new about the robbery at the bank? Sim. Don't know. That Boston detective told the president that he thinks he will soon be able to put his hand on the robber. Speck. That 's good. Say, Sim, I don 't like the looks of that detective, nor his actions. He hobnobs with all the villagers, but whenever he .sees me on the street, he always keeps out of my way. Why, do you sup- pose? Sim. Don't know. It's strange, isn't it? Speck. If I could think Jim Nelson could become as respectable looking as that man appears to be, I 'd almost swear they were one and the same. Sim. I'm afraid you would be sadly mistaken. Jim Nelson has never been seen since he attempted to steal dad's money — at least in these parts. But come, sit down. {Looks at ivatch) I have only ten minutes now, and as soon as I post my books at the bank, I '11 have to go to the train to meet Tom. Speck. I forgot all about that. {Sets jar on end of the bench) But I wish he wasn't coming. Sim {sitting on bench and pulling her to him). Why, little one? Speck. Oh, just 'cause. Sim. That's no reason. {Laughs) Oh, I know. You think I will have to pay him so much attention that I will neglect you. Speck {biting her apron or dress). Huh! huh! Sim {placing arm around her). I could never do 50 Wiggins of Pop-Over Farm that, for you know my whole life is now centered in you and your happiness. Speck. Oh, ain't that nice? Say, Sim dear, what made you like me ? Sim. Ask me something easy. What made me like you? Do you really want to know? Speck {hohhing her head). Huh! huh! I'm just like other girls, you know. Sim. Well, I learned to like you because of your goodness, your unselfishness — the exalted qualities of your mind and heart. Little by little — day by day — you drew me to you through your noble character and womanly worth, until, with all the fervor of my nature, I had to confess that I loved you. Like the sensible lit- tle woman that you are, you told me to stop and weigh well the importance of my words, which I did — and this is the result. {Presses her close to him) Is it displeas- ing? Speck. No — I like it. (Buries her face against his shoulder) Sim. So do I. Speck {after this business). Well, why don't you kiss me? {He does so) Oh, Sim dear, I wonder if we are doing right? We are both so young, and some- times I think neither of us understands matrimony. Sim. Nobody does till they investigate — and that's what we are doing. When we are married we will thoroughly understand it. {Laughs. Clarionette heard quite near. They separate) ENTER Ben froju l., stands at gate. Ben. Ma says will yer lend her yer corkscrew. Sim. What for, Ben? Ben. Wants to draw a hair out o ' the butter. Haw I haw! haw! {Blows clarionette and EXIT R.) Sim {laughing). If that booby wasn't so funny, I'd vote to cremate him. Speck So would I — just now. Wiggins of Pop-Over Farm 51 Sim. Ah, well. Good-bye for a little while. (Em^ braces Speck) ENTER Zeb r., with a rake, Zeb. Break away! {They separate quickly) My, what a hurry young folks be in nowadays. Time yer was gittin' back to ther bank, ain't it, Sim? Sim {looking at watch). Guess it is, dad. Gee whiz! Just can make it. {Steals a kiss as Zee's hack is turned) [EXIT L. hurriedly through gate Zeb. I guess you kinder like thet youngster, don't yer? Speck. Indeed I do. Can't help it. He made me. Zeb. Thet's right. Lay it on ter the man. Women never do nuthin'. Speck. Well, you like him, too, don't you? Zeb. Every hair of his head. Speck. Well, you can't blame me then. (Goes to him) Zeb {taking her in his arms). I don't, little gal. If yer didn't, yer wouldn't be snifflin' agin his vest so much. Why, any gal in the village 'd give her corset strings jes' fer a smile from him. But his smiles ain't fer sale. He's resarvin' 'em all fer you. {Pats her on the hack) ENTER Mandy from house. Mandy. Land o' Goshen! I s'pose you two'd be huggin' each other if yer was in a open-face street car. Zeb. Wuss'n thet, Mandy. We'd do it in a demo- cratic eonvenshun. Mandy. Well, yer'd oughter be in better bus'ness. Yer city company may pop in any minnit, an' we ain't got a bit o' tea in the house. Wish yer'd run over to the grocery an' git a pound. Speck. I'll go, aunty. [EXIT Speck through gate r. Mandy. Don't keer who goes so's it gits here. [EXIT Mandy into house 52 Wiggins of Pop-Over Farm ENTER Uriah l. Uriah. Say, Zeb, thet Boston detective jes' called over to see me. Zeb. What 'd he want ? Uriah. Dunno 'zactly. Asked me all sorts o' ques- tions 'bout Sim an' thet bank robbery. But he didn't git nuthin' frum me. Zeb. He's gittin' purty fresh. Didn't say nuthin' agin Sim, did he — any insinnewations — yer know? Uriah. No — nuthiii' like thet. He was jes' tryin' ter nose out things. Zeb. Well, he'll git his nose in a vice if he says any- thing agin my boy. Uriah. Say, didn't thet robber leave no clue behind? ^eb. Nuthin' but some bloody finger marks on a dab o' paper. Guess he must hev cut his hand purty bad. The cashier showed the marks to me an' Speck t'other day. Uriah. What 'd they look like? Zeb. Oh, like a duck's tracks in the mud. Can't tell nuthin' by them. Had yer dinner? Uriah. Yes — half a hour ago. Zeb. Then 'skuse me while I go in an' git a bite. [EXIT into house Uriah. Mandy'll give it to him fer bein' late. ENTER Mandy froin Jiouse. Mandy. Hain't Speck got back yit, Uriah? (Crosses to gate and looks out) Uriah. Hain't seed her. Mandy. Ner I don't see nuthin' of her neether. (Goes down) How's yer sister to-day, Uriah? Uriah. Seems to hev a little tetch o' the rheumatiz. Mandy. She ought ter be rubbed with beech-nut oil She's been keepin' house fer you a long time, Ziain't she? Wiggins of Pop-Over Farm 53 Uriah. Nigh on twenty-five year. You've been keepin' house fer Zeb a long time, too. Mandy. Can't help myself. Should think you'd git married agin, an' give yer sister a rest. Uriah. I've thort the same thing 'bout you an' Zeb. Mandy. Sakes alive! Nobody would hev me. Uriah. I guess yer wouldn't hev to look far. {Grins and pokes Iter in the rihs) Mandy {giggles). Now, you jes' stop yer foolishness. Uriah. Say, Mandy, I was tellin' Zeb t'other day that we ort ter swap housekeepers, git married, settle down, an' grow up with the village. {Smiles silly, and puts arm around her) He thort it was a good ijee. Mandy. Now you jes' stop, Uriah Speed. {Kitten- ish business) ENTER Speck through gate from r., sees them, doubles up with laughter and tiptoes down to them. Uriah. I ain't a-doin' nothin'. {Looks at Mandy and grins) Speck {loudly). Here's your tea, Aunt Mandy! (Mandy grabs tea, looks daggers at Speck and EXIT hurriedly into house. EXIT hurriedly Uriah r.) Gee! Didn't they scoot! {Laughs heartily and picks up jar of jam from bench) ENTER Jim Nelson through gate l.; he is disguised as a detective. Speck, with her back to him, has her fingers in the jam and then licks them. She turns and both meet c, Speck, a little startled. Jim {politely, and with slight change of voice). Good day, young lady. Speck. Good day, sir. "Want to see Uncle Zebf Jim. Yes, if he is in. Speck {eyeing him suspiciously). I guess he's eatin' dinner. {Changes her demeanor to that of simple coun- try, girl) You be the new postmaster, bean't yer? {Licks her fingers) Jim. No — just looking over the territory a little. 54 Wiggins of Pop-Over Farm Speck {walking around and eyeing 'him)r Gee, but you look spruce. Thet coat must hev cost yer nigh onto five dollars, didn't it? Jim {laughing pleasantly). Oh. yes — five times that much. What's that you're eating? Speck. Ras 'berry jam Avhat aunty put up. Finest in the county. Like jam? Jim. Yes — I 'm very fond of it. Speck. Well, you jes' taste thet. Jim. You have no spoon. {Lauglis) Speck. Tastes better when yer lick it frum yer fingers. Jes' try it thet way. Jim. Odd way to eat jam. But just to please you. {Laughs) Speck {holds jar up and as he puts his -fingers in, she raises jar quickly^ smearing all his fingers, and laughs. Jim laughs and simply tastes it) Why don't yer lick it all? Jim. No — that's enough. {Takes out handkerchief) Speck. Don't use yer wiper. Stains won't cum out of it. Hold this, and I'll git yer somethin'. {Hands him jar, his fingers staining white paper wrapper. She jerks towel off line and hands it to him, ivhich he uses. As she takes jar, sees the stains, and unperceived by him, tears paper from it, expressing her satisfaction) Thet's mighty fine jam when yer git used to it. {Places jar on porch and paper behind her, while Jim turris and throws towel on the bench. Aside) Now to the bank with this. {To Jim) Say, yer heven't ketched that fel- ler what stole the bank's money, hev yer? {Eyes him) Jim. Not yet ; but I hope to soon. Speck. Aw, you ain't no good detective. Don't b'leeve he's in this town, do yer? Jim. I certainly do. Speck (going to him, and significantly). So do I! [EXIT L. through gate, Jim watching her Jim. What did she mean by that? She plays- the country girl well, but if she sees through my disguise, she's the first to do it. It was a big effort to shed my Wiggins of Pop-Over Farm 55 old life, become half-way respectable, and get on to the Boston detective force. But a few shady transactions in that sanctimonious city put me on easy street, and I did it. And I Ve got the papers here that will send that boy up for some years, and I'll serve them to-day, too. That's some revenge for the scar he gave me here for life {Indicating his neck), and retaliation against that old farmer for weaning that girl away from me. Here he comes now. ENTER Zeb from Jiouse. Zeb. How be yer, sir ? Who might yer wish to see ? Jim (lightly). Was passing, and just dropped in to see if I could get a little information. I am a detective. Zeb. You be thet Boston detective? Jim. The same. I am detailed to find out, if pos- sible, the party who robbed your local bank last month. Your son, I believe, is employed there. Zeb. Has been fer six months — an' there ain't nuthin' agin him neether. Jim. No — the president and officers speak highly of him. He was the last one, however, to leave the bank that night, and who placed the money in the safe and locked it. That might implicate him. But whoever captured that five thousand was a daring burglar, for the door was blown off its hinges. The house itself is not secure from entrance by expert thieves. Zeb. Yer know I told thet to the directors onc't, but they said there wa 'n 't no thieves in this county, an ' there ain't been no tramps along here since my son knocked the daylights out • o ' a couple of 'em right here six months ago. Jim. Indeed? What was the offense? Zeb. Got inter the house an' stole my pocketbook. It had two thousan' dollars in it, which I draw'd frum the bank thet day ter pay on my farm. But Sim, ketched him, an' done him up in fine style. He choked the darn cuss till his eyes run blood. 56 Wiggins of Pop- Over Farm Jim (aside). Yes — damn him. {To Zeb) He was a brave lad. Zeb. Don't make no better roun' here. But the darn robber broke jail thet same nignt, an' skipped the county. Jim. An old hand at the business evidently. Would you or your son know him if you were to see him again 1 Zeb. No — don't think he would. He was jest a plain every-day tramp. Jim {evinces satisfaction aside). You were in luck to recover your money. I must be moving. Excuse this intrusion. (Goes up) Zeb. Don't mention it. It's yer business. (EXIT Jim r., through gate) Durned perlite feller fer a de- tective. [EXIT L. ENTER Ben r., blowing clarionette; gets to gate, stops Mowing. Ben (loudly). Maw says kin you tell her (Sees no one on stage, blows and goes towards l.) ENTER Sim, Tom and Amy, l. Ben blows clarionette in their faces and EXIT l. Tom. Queer looking character that. S;m (laughing). That's our country clown. (All laugh as they come through gate) Tom. He looks it. Ah, how familiar the old farm seems. And there's the same old dairy. Amy. And the same old house. I remember it when a little girl. Tom. Not much change in things, Sim. Sim. No — it's the same old town, where the spirit of progress is always dozing. Amy. Should think you would die of ennui here. Sim. Well, it was dull at first, but I am used to it now. Tom (pointing l.). And there's the same old barn, Wiggins of Pop-Over Farm 57 where you and I, Sim, used to play in the hay. It takes us both back a few years, doesn't it? Amy. But how comforting to know your dear father and aunt are still alive and well, and enjoying the old home, and their boy with them again. Sim. Yes indeed. I am very content here with my people, and I owe much of it to my loyal friend here, whose aid and advice led me away from the breakers of the city. Amy. Oh, he's always doing something he ought to do. (Laughs) Tom {smiling). Well, the good was in you, Sim, and it had to come out. Sim. Thanks, old boy. But where are the folks'? {Looks in house) ENTER Zeb l. Zeb. Gosh ding them hogs. Si Pritchard's got ter pay fer them pertaters, or {Sees the others; sur- prised) Well, bless my soul! Tom Mason and Miss Amy. Howdy. Yer got here at last, didn't yer? {Shakes hands with Tom) Tom. Yes, I finallj^ kept my promise. I know I've been a long time fulfilling it. But business, you know. {Smiles) ENTER Speck through gate from l., seems surprised, and converses hack ivith Sim. Zeb. Well, I'm powerful glad ter see yer both. Howdy, Miss Amy? {About to shake hands with her, when Tom stops him) Tom. Mrs. Mason, if you please ! Zeb. Do tell? Yer haven't been an' done it? Tom. Yes — six. months ago. Zeb. Well, that'll take both hands. {Shakes both her hands) Amy. Yes — and I have got him beautifully tamed already. {The three laugh) 58 Wiggins of Pop- Over Farm Zeb. Don't say? Yer done it quick, didn't yer? It took my wife nigh on ter six year to kick her initials on my disposition. Sim (going down ivith Speck). Say, Tom, you re- member this little girl, don't you? Tom {in surprise). Why, it's little Speck! {Shakes Jiands) Why, how in the world Speck. Did I come to be here ? Ask my good friend there. {Points to Zeb) Zeb. Jes' fetched her here — thet's all — away frum the temptations of yer big city. Speck. He's always doing good, sir. Tom. Well, I am indeed glad to know you have fallen into such excellent hands. Speck. I am very thankful, sir. Sim. And the next time you come down you'll have the pleasure of addressing her as Mrs. Simeon Wiggins. {Takes her in his arms) Speck {releasing herself). Don't. They're looking. Ain't you ashamed? Tom {laughing with the others). Has it got as far as that? Zeb. Been thet way ever since he cum home. Why, them two be so lovin ',. they f ergit when supper 's ready. Amy. Let me congratulate you both in advance. Speck. Oh, thank you. Miss. (Sim hows) ENTER quickly Mandy from house. Mandy {seeing others). Oh, the city company. {Primps herself) Sim {introducing). My aunt — Mr. and Mrs. Mason. Mandy {court esying awkwardly). Real glad fer to know yer. (Goes down. Speaks rapidly) Been ex- pectin' yer all day. S'pose yer hed a good trip. But the roads must hev been orful dusty, an ' them keers git so stiflin ' hot when the dust is flyin '^an ' Zeb. Jes' jack-knife yer remarks, Mandy. {To the others) When she gits to throwin' language, no man livin ' kin untie it. II Wiggins of Pop-Over Farm 59 Mandy. No sech thing, Zeb Wiggins. Yer don't even know how to converse with yerself, let alone coughin' down others what knows more'n you. [To Tom) YerVe got a mighty nice lookin' wife, Mr. Ma- son. Is she yourn? . (All surprised, exclaim ''What!" and laugh) Didn't say nuthin' wrong, did I, Zebediah? Zeb. Nuthin' but yer words. There be times, Mandy, when yer kin improve yer conversashun by keepin' yer tongue still. Mandy. Oh, yer don't say? Well, if my tongue couldn't 'spress better words then yourn, I'd go to ther dentist's an' git it pulled. Yer must discuse him. He allers did like ter show off afore company. Sim {laughing). One on you, dad. Zeb. Reckon it be. When Mandy kin give me away, she feels as good as a certified check. Speck. One on you. Aunt Mandy. (Laughs) Mandy. 'Tain't much. If he didn't open his mouth he wouldn't say nuthin'. (General laugh) Zeb. That's all right, Mandy. Now, s'posin' yer take Mrs. Mason in an' show her her room. Mandy. Fergot all 'bout thet. Mebbe she wants ter rest a mite afore supper too. Jes' cum this way. Amy. Thanks. (Crosses to Mandy) Zeb. Say, Mandy, made any fresh pop-overs? Mandy. Some's a-bakin' now. I'll give her a real fresh one an' a glass o' cider. [EXEUNT Mandy and Amy into house Zeb. Thet's right. Mandy kin jes' beat the hull county makin' pop-overs. Melt in yer mouth soon's they feel yer breath. Sim. Yes — Aunty's popi-overs are quite celebrated. And that's why the villagers call this Pop-Over Farm. (Sounds of the clarionette heard l.) ENTER Ben l. Stops at gate. Ben (loudly). Ma says kin you tell her is yer cat's new bunch o' kittens all girls? Haw! haw! haw! [EXIT, blowing, R. 60 Wiggins of Pop-Over Farm Zeb {takes off Ms slioe quickly, and is ahout to throw it at him, when BEi