5097 
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 ACTING EDITION. 
 
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 Sir E. bT!EyTTcS^ Plays, 
 
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 [TTS ESSAYS OK THE ENGLISH ST 
 
 Sfiakikg and Action, the Utefen< jorUlm 
 
 teiwn Elocution, bv G. *** Smiih, 5 
 
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 Dramas f 
 
 or in vol 
 
 .ve Representation, 6d. each, 
 
 ally bound ~is % each, post free. 
 
 VOL. I. 
 Silent Woman (A) 
 I'll be jour Second 
 Bombastes FurLso 
 State Prisoner 
 Tooth-ache 
 Power and Principle 
 Anything for a Change 
 Hopeless Passion ,[sion 
 Unwarrantable Intru- 
 Thuraping Legacy (A) 
 Box and Cox 
 Left the Stage 
 John Dobbs- 
 Subterfuge (The) 
 Twould Puzzle a Conju 
 MacbethTraves:ie[ror 
 
 VOL. II. 
 Sink or Swim 
 DiamoudCutDiaraond 
 Critic 
 
 Slasher and Crasher 
 Not a Bad Judge 
 Time Tries Ail 
 Poor Cousin Walter 
 Domestic Economy 
 Ladies' Battle 
 Cool a? a Cucumber 
 Very Suspicious 
 Box and Cox Married 
 Betsy Baker 
 Loan of a Lover 
 Where there's a Will 
 Stage Struck 
 
 ' VOL. III. 
 r>ea"a> a Post 
 Desperate Game 
 A.S.S. 
 Past Train 
 
 Maid withMilkingPail 
 Trying it on 
 H,ir.dsomeHusband(A 
 P.P. 
 
 My First Fit of Gout 
 Somebody Else— 
 OJ.e-rerfield Thinskin 
 Curious Caae(A) 
 Little Toddlekins 
 Whitebait ;;tGreenwich 
 
 •tty Piece of Busi- 
 er of Arts[ne8S 
 T OL. 
 *1"<A) 
 
 theCorner 
 a Cup 
 
 Fa. 
 
 Pro: rt 
 
 Sutish 9 
 
 Heads . 
 
 A« Like . 
 
 rsn out 01 
 
 r^ourt of Oi 
 
 Wife's L 
 Good Little V « 
 P<ougk Diamom. 
 VOL V. 
 Wonderful Worn a. 
 Delicate G-ound 
 Captain of the Watc* 
 Two in the Morning 
 Onlv a Clod 
 Morning Call [Thing 
 ** -a vnch of a Good 
 
 Stil dters Run Deep 
 Cabinet Question (A) 
 Married Daughters 
 Dowager (The) 
 Only a Halfpenny 
 Blighted B2ing<A) 
 My Wife's Mother 
 Who Speaks Firsts 
 F our Sisters 
 
 VOL. VI. 
 Wandering Minstrel 
 Villikins and Dinah 
 Day after theWedding 
 Noeraie [pearances 
 Don't Judge by Ap 
 Heir at Law 
 Spring and Autumn 
 Taming a Tiger 
 Cozy Couple [Name 
 Give a Dog a Bad 
 Paris and Back for £5 
 Urgent Private Affairs- 
 Grist to the Mill 
 Jealous Wife 
 John Jones 
 Comedv an* Tragedy 
 
 VOL. VII. 
 Housekeeper 
 Family failing [A 
 Pride of the Market- 
 False and Constant 
 Prisoner of War 
 Locked in with a Lady 
 Tit for Tat 
 Irish Post 
 Iriah Doctor 
 Hamlet T raves tie 
 Follies of a Night 
 Bird in 'he Hand (A.) 
 Splendid Investment 
 LerA me 53t=, (Bell 
 Lord Lovell & Nancj 
 Don' r lend your Um- 
 VOL 8. (brella 
 Victor Vanquished 
 Done on both Sides 
 
 She Stoops to Conquer, King Ftene's Daughter 
 Crown Prince (The) 
 Rights&WronesofWo 
 In for a Holy day [man 
 Wonder cultie* 
 
 Romance under Difti 
 Conjugal Lesson^AJ 
 FascinatingFndividual 
 Match Making 
 Second Love. 
 8enttothe Tower. 
 Bamboozling 
 Good for Nothing 
 j Our Wife 
 
 VOLUME 9. 
 j Wicked Wife (A. 
 Queen of Arragoa 
 "^ousflas (his Castie 
 iglishman's House, is 
 ^eriMacaire 
 'es 2nd. 
 » Faced People 
 Tragedy (A) 
 forau Hoar 
 iug Man 
 
 High Life below Stairs 
 VOLUME 10. 
 
 Victims 
 
 Frederick of Prussia 
 
 Was I to Blame 
 
 FriendWagglea 
 
 Nothing to Nurse 
 
 Sudden Thoughts 
 
 Rivals. 
 
 Living too Fast 
 
 Two Gay Deceivers 
 
 Jeanne ttVs Wedding 
 
 Very Serions Affair (A) 
 
 Pair of Pigeons 
 
 Brother Ben 
 
 rake care of Dowb. — 
 
 London Assurance 
 
 Boots at the Swan 
 
 VOLUME 11. 
 Care for Heart Ache 
 FaintHeart never won 
 Dead Shot (FairLady 
 Unfinished Gent. 
 Irish Tiger 
 Ticklish" Times 
 Spectre Bridegroom 
 Lucky Hit 
 Love Knot 
 Double Dummy 
 Crossing the Line 
 Birth Place of Podgers 
 Nothing venture 
 
 [nothing win 
 Capital Match 
 My Neighbors Wife 
 YourLifesin Dan^e r 
 
 VOLUME 12. 
 Marriage a Lottery 
 My Wife's Dentist 
 Schoolfellows. ( himself 
 Samuel in search of 
 Doubtful Victory 
 Sock Exchange 
 Veteran of 102 (The 
 Dying for Love 
 Pierette 
 :risU Turor 
 
 Ve 
 
 pa 
 
 ina"* 
 •d 
 
 Last of the Pigtails 
 Matrimony 
 ;ionnie Fish Wife 
 Iwtce Told Tale, A 
 \V0oiu2 in Jest etc. 
 
 VOL. 13. 
 Orhello Trave8tie 
 MyAu.it's Husband 
 Old Honesty 
 3 Xext Birthday 
 'orter's Knot 
 Rule of Three 
 'onr Pil'icoddy 
 Milliner's Holiday 
 Iron Chest 
 L'nrning the Tables 
 Nervous Man 
 ^oor Gintleman 
 Everybody's Friend — 
 Richard ye Thirds 
 
 VOL. 14. 
 Tunting a Turtle 
 Retained for Defence 
 Julius Cae e ,ir 
 If the C ip fits 
 Caught by the Ears 
 Nine points of the Law 
 Ici on parle Francab 
 
 Three Cuckoos 
 Payable on Demand 
 Old Offender (AnJ 
 House or the Home 
 Rifle & how to use it 
 Husband to order 
 My Great Aunt 
 
 VOLUME 15. 
 My Hearts Idol 
 Too Much for Good 
 
 Mature 
 Cramond Brig 
 Love in Humble Life 
 Rendevouz 
 Viliage Lawyer 
 Nurse y Cbickweed 
 Good for Evil 
 
 Mrs. Caudle's Curtain 
 Love in Livery (Lecture 
 Lodgings for Siigle 
 Done Brown (Gents 
 Marguerite's Cotouri 
 Founded on Facts 
 Roma.-i Actor 
 Turnpike Gate 
 Not to be done 
 barefaced I m poster* 
 Lady andGeu tlemaa 
 in a PerplexingPre- 
 Windmill{dicament 
 Mew Footman 
 Lucky Stars 
 Norma Travesty 
 Angel of the Attic 
 Double-bedded Roow 
 MyWife'sSecondFloo 
 Mistaken Story 
 Post of Honour 
 Review 
 House Dog 
 Smoked Miser 
 State Secrets 
 Mummy 
 
 Douglas Travestta 
 Black Domino 
 Love and Charily 
 Delicate Attentions 
 My Fellow Clerk 
 No Followers 
 Miller of Mansfield 
 Railroad Station 
 ■ 
 
 1 
 
 II 
 Ch 
 N T a 
 Blu- 
 
 Ren "Jyu^ 
 Dovi in a Cag« 
 Painter of Ghent 
 Man about Town 
 Mrs. White 
 Vandyke Brown 
 
s 
 

 o/iry-^m 
 
 
 * 
 
 
 
 1 
 
 2W$tt B»J)t 
 
 
 are you coming ? 
 
 ^ * ** ^^^^poiHeu^toio^J 
 
 (i 
 
,4 Muleteer 
 
 !J» Komeo p 
 
 •6 Ci-ickma 
 
 i7 Miser of: 
 
 38 D elk ate 
 
 59 Guy Ma 
 
 T Capt. on 
 
 VOLUIV 
 
 1 Golden'l 
 
 % R*><vt;, 
 
 ,3 Blue Be 
 
 74 FairOrv 
 
 75 Cymon 
 
 76 Fortnn 
 7" Invisih 
 *" Islands 
 
 Kins t 
 i.ing o 
 incel 
 isens 
 eepln 
 aeen * 
 .ee & C 
 fOLUI 
 Carried 
 Jirds Aj 
 Drama 
 Golden 
 ,• Graciet «• 
 
 91 Hold j 
 
 92 Twoeit 
 \9$ My Gi 
 194 My Hi 
 (95 Grist t 
 
' 
 
 •M 
 
 . 
 
JOHN DOBBS. 
 
 A FARCE 
 IN ONE ACT. 
 
 By JOHN MADDISON MORTON, 
 
 Author of "Who Stole the Pocket-Book," « Two Bonny castles,* 9 
 
 " John Dobbs," " A Thumping Legacy," " Grimshaw, 
 
 Bdgshaw, and Bradshaw," " Your Life's in Danger," 
 
 " Going to the Derby," " Done on Both Sides," 
 
 " Box and Cox," " Slasher and Crasher," 
 
 " The King and I," " Brother Ben," 
 
 " The Milliners 9 Holiday," 
 
 (i The Irish Tiger," 
 
 jv. $C. $c. 
 
 THOMAS H A I L E S LACY, 
 
 89. STRAND, 
 
 ttompton Street, Covent Garden Market,) 
 L O H D O X . 
 
 
TP5£*?7 
 
 First Performed at the New Strand Theatre, 
 April 23, 1849. 
 
 CHARACTERS, 
 
 Squire Fallowfield 
 
 Major Frankman 
 
 Peter Paternoster 
 
 John Dobbs 
 
 John 
 
 Mrs. Chesterton 
 
 Lucy (her Sister) 
 
 Mr. C. BENDER. 
 Mr. W. FORESTER. 
 Mr. COMPTON. 
 Mr. L. MURRAY. 
 Mr. SANGER. 
 Mrs. L. MURRAY. 
 Miss ADAMS. 
 
 Time in Representation, Forty Minutes. 
 
 COSTUME 
 
 K ru. 
 
 SQUIRE. — First Dre} e .\ "looting coat, leather leggings, white 
 vest. Second Dress — ivio/ning gown. 
 
 MAJOR. — Blue military frock coat, blue trousers with gold lace 
 stripe, cap. 
 
 PATERNOSTER.— Brown dress coat, large gilt buttons, plaid 
 trousers, and vest. 
 
 DOBBS. — Fashionable bltlck frock coat, dark blue trousers, white 
 vest. 
 
 JOHN. — Livery frock coat, striped vest, breeches, top boots. 
 
 Mrs. CHESTERTON.— Fashionable brown silk morning dress. 
 LUCY. — White muslin morning dress. 
 
 GIFT 
 EST. OF J. H. CORNING 
 i UNE 2C- 19-4-0 
 
JOHN DOBBS. 
 
 rj P r- r* r*.-> , 
 
 SCENE. — A handsomely furnished Apartment in the House of 
 Squire Fallowfield — Door c, looking on to a lawn — Door, 
 l.h. — Window, r.h. — A Piano Forte, l.h., and a music stool — 
 Table, r.h. at bach, on which are boohs, newspapers, Sfc — Sofa, 
 2 e.r.h., on which is worh-basket, and Berlin patterns — Chair, 
 R.H. — Three chairs at back. 
 
 Squire Fallowfield in shooting costume, belt and double- 
 barrelled gun c.d., looking r.h. — Lucy is at the Piano — Major 
 Frankman is at the R. of Piano, attending to Lucy — Mrs. 
 Chesterton seated on the sofa, and Paternoster seated in a 
 chair before Mrs. Chesterton, and holding a skein of silk, 
 which she is winding. 
 
 Squire, {whistling r.c.) Here — Ponto — Juno — come back! 
 Zounds ! there they go, over the tulip-beds — so I think the best thing 
 I can do is to follow them. Come, Frankmar "hat say you to a pop 
 at the partridges, eh ? * ' 
 
 Major, (l.) Why 
 
 Lucy, (l.) You wouldn't be so ung TJr J» as to run away, Major ? 
 
 Major. Not I, indeed. Squire, if 1 had only *his excuse for not 
 attending you, {bowing to Lucy) which you must acknowledge a 
 very fair one — you would, I am sure, consider it sufficient; but I have 
 another, which must be attended to — namely my duty ; and as that 
 duty happens to call me to head quarters at Canterbury, why to head 
 quarters at Canterbury I must go. 
 
 Squire. Then I must beat up for recruits elsewhere. Paternoster ! 
 (Paternoster takes no notice) Paternoster ! you'll come with me ? 
 (poking Paternoster with his gun) 
 
 Pater, (r. turning round, and finding the muzzle of the gun 
 close to his face) Don't ! I wish you wouldn't! {lifting up his hands, 
 and entangling the silk which he is holding) 
 
 Mrs. C. (r.) Dear, dear — how clumsy you are, Mr. Paternoster] 
 — -Pater. I beg pardon 
 
 Squire. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Pater. Yes, it's all very well for you to laugh — you've got hold of 
 tbe right end of the gun — but I beg to observe, that when a gentle 
 
4 JOHN DOBBS. 
 
 man hears himself appealed to, and, turning his head round, finds his 
 nose within half an inch of the muzzle of a gun — and that gun, a gun 
 with two barrels — the effect is infinitely more startling than agree- 
 able. 
 
 Squire. Why, zounds, man, it isn't loaded ! 
 
 ^ater. What of that ? Do you suppose a gun can't go off with- 
 out being loaded ? That notion's exploded long ago ! 
 
 Squire. Egad, it would rather astonish me if it did! 
 
 -Pater. You? You mean it would rather astonish me! 
 
 Mrs. C. {to Paternoster) A little higher, if you please ! 
 
 Pater. Beg pardon, {raising his arms with evident discomfort to 
 himself) 
 
 Squire. Then you won't come? 
 
 Pater. Certainly not. I'm too agreeably employed. I repeat, 
 I'm too agreeably employed ! {looking tenderly at Mrs. C.) 
 
 Mrs. C. A little higher ! 
 --—Pater. Beg pardon, {raising his arms agamic.,) Besides, I don't 
 pretend to call myself a sporting character. I don't like guns, and I 
 don't like dogs — and I don't like partridges — except in their natural 
 state, nicely browned, with plenty of bread sauce. I have been out 
 shooting several times in my life, but I gave it up, because there was 
 no variety in it. 
 
 Squire. No variety? Come, come 
 
 Pater. Not a bit ! I found it consisted of the same thing over and 
 over again — namely, firing my gun Rt something or other, and miss- 
 ing the something or other that I fired my gun at ! 
 
 Squire. Why, zounds, man, it was only the other day that you 
 told me you thought nothing of bringing down a brace of pheasants 
 at a time ! 
 
 Pater. No more I did! I used to bring them down from 
 Leadenhall Market ! 
 
 Mrs. C. {to Pater) A leetle higher ! 
 
 Pater. Beg pardon. 0<*mng his hands, $•<?., $c.) 
 
 Mrs. C. It's nearly done . ! 
 
 Pater, {aside) So am 1 1 
 
 Mrs. C. There ! {rises) I'm afraid your gallantry has given you 
 a deal of trouble. 
 
 Pater. Not at all. {rises) I'm not conscious of any unpleasant 
 results, as yet, except a slight attack of pins and needles, {rubbing 
 hi? arms) But what is there I would not undergo to please you ? 
 {looking tenderly at Mrs. Chesterton.) 
 
 Squire, (l. to Mrs. C.) Come, Mary, surely Paternoster's gal«« 
 Ian try deserves some reward ? 
 
 Pater, (c. to Mrs. C.) You hear what your venerable sire says? 
 I hope you do — because it isn't very often he says anything worth 
 hearing. And after all, I don't ask much. I only want you to marry 
 me. You know I've been dying for you the last six months. 
 
 Mrs. C. (r. smiling) Yet you don't look much the worse for it. 
 
 Pater. No — the mischief is all internal. You wouldn't believe it 
 to look at me — but I feel I'm gradually wasting away! I never 
 should eat anything at all, if it wasn't for the appearance of the thing. 
 
JOHN DOBBS. 5 
 
 And you, Mr. Fallowfield, instead of going out, and bringing down 
 partridges, stop at home,, and see if you can't bag a son-in-law ! 
 
 Squire, (l.) Hark ye, Paternoster, I make it a point never to 
 interfere with my girls in these matters. I say to them, " Choose 
 for yourselves." I said so to Mary before she married your late 
 cousin, Tom Chesterton — I say so to her again now she's a widow : 
 and I say so to my little Lucy, too, who hears every word I say plainly 
 enough, though she does pretend to be absorbed in her music. 
 
 Lucy, (rising hastily) Lor, pa ! why should I listen to anything 
 bo perfectly uninteresting? (crosses behind to Mrs. C. aside to her) 
 I say, Mary, how sensibly papa does talk upon certain subjects ! 
 
 Enter John, with letters, c.d. 
 
 John, (to Squire, and giving letters) Your letters, sir! (crosses 
 to the Major) Please your honour, an Orderly has just ridden up to 
 the Park Lodge with this letter for your honour. 
 
 Maj. (taking letter) Thank you. Is my horse ready? 
 
 John. Quite ready, your honour, (retires up to c.d.) 
 
 Maj. (after reading letter) I find I must ride over to Canterbury 
 immediately, (crosses to R. and takes his cap from table, and kissing 
 Lucy's hand.) Ladies, good morning — Squire, Mr. Paternoster, good 
 morning ! 
 
 Squire. Good morning, Major ! 
 
 Major boios, and exit c.d.l.h. 
 
 "Pater, (c. boioingvery low) Good morning, Major! 
 John, (about to follow Major — stops, and says to Mrs. Ches- 
 terton) Oh, I beg pardon, ma'am, there's a box just come by the 
 London coach for you, ma'am. 
 
 Mrs. C. A box for me, John ? The last new fashions, I dare say ! 
 Lucy. The last new opera, I hope ! Bring it in, John. Make 
 haste ! 
 
 John. Yes, miss, bring it in directly. 
 r Exit C.D. 
 
 Squire, (after reading a letter) Wheugh ! Of all the obstinate, 
 
 determined, contumacious, conceited, persevering, impertinent 1 
 
 stop for want of adjectives! 
 
 Omnes What is the matter ? 
 
 Squire. I'm almost chokmg — but whether it's with laughter or 
 indignation, I can't exactly tell. This letter is the modest production 
 of a modest gentleman, who condescends to do the united family of the 
 Fallowfields the infinite honour of soliciting their acquaintance. 
 
 Lucy. Who is he — who is he? 
 
 Squire. Ask your sister, Mary, (gives the letter to Mrs. Ches- 
 terton.) 
 
 Mrs. C. (reading) " I have the honour to be, your most obedient 
 servant" — Can it be possible ? — " John Dobbs !' 
 
 Omnes. John Dobbs! 
 
 Pater. Dobbs ! What, the same Dobbs — the identical Dobbs, 
 who had the presumption to aspire to your hand before you married 
 cousin Chesterton? 
 
JOHN DOBBS. 
 
 Mrs. C. Yes — and whose absurd pretensions I twice treated with 
 the contempt they deserved — refusing even to see him. 
 
 Squire. Well, he's returned to the attack — and though he does 
 not mention your name, Mary, depend upon it, he has quite made up 
 bis mind to marry you, whether you will or not ! Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Mrs. C. Ha, ha, ha! 
 
 Pater. Ha, ha, ha! The fellow's in the agricultural line — a sort 
 of i aimer — isn't he ? 
 
 Squire. Yes — his father, old Dobbs, held a small farm of mine 
 for many years — and as young John, the aforesaid old Dobbs's son, 
 seemed rather abb?e the common run of ploughboys and clodhoppers* 
 the silly old man immediately set him down as a genius, sent him to 
 school— in short, tried to make him a gentleman ! 
 
 Pater. Just what my father tried to do with me — but I defied 
 him ! The consequence is, that instead of being an idle gentleman 
 with five hundred a year, I'm an active button manufacturer with 
 as many thousands ! 
 
 Squire. Well, some time ago I was simpleton enough to allow 
 myself to be bit by the mania of speculation, and soon got into such 
 a rabid state that I found myself seriously involved. I determined to 
 sell part of my estate, and called my tenants together, to apprise them 
 of my intentions. Old Dobbs arrived somewhat earlier than the rest, 
 and requested to speak with me. You may imagine my surprise, 
 when the old fellow — pulling 1 a greasy canvas bag out of his breeches 
 pocket — says to me, " Squire, here be a tightish lump of money at 
 your service, and what is more, I never wish to see a farthing of it 
 again, if you'll only be agreeable to a bit of a condition I'm going to 
 make." " What is it, Dobbs?" said I. " Why, Squire," said he— 
 " my son John has taken a liking to your daughter, Miss Mary — and 
 if you haven't any objection to the match, I'm sure I haven't." I 
 heard no more — but giving way to my indignation, turned old Dobbs 
 and his money out of the house ! Since that time I have heard no 
 more of him, or his son, young John, and his absurd pretentions ; 
 and I thought the young gentleman had quite left the neighbour-* 
 hood — confound the fellow f 
 
 Mrs. C. Now, don't annoy yourself, papa 
 
 Lucy. Mary and I will put our heads together, and write him 
 such a letter ! 
 
 —Pater. Do! Give it young Dobbs well! Don't leave Dobbs, 
 junior, a leg to stand on ! 
 
 Enter John, c.d.l.h. with a small box, 
 
 John. Here is the box, ma'am! {laying it on the table, and 
 
 Cxit CD.) 
 
 Lucy, (r.l.) Now, then Oh, Mary, look here ! (taking out a 
 
 paper packet, and reading) " To Mrs Chesterton " What can it be ? 
 Have I your permission ? Ha, ha! (opens paper, and shews a red 
 morocco case — she opens it) Oh ! 
 
 Mrs. C. (r. looking) Ah ! 
 
 Squire, (l.. looking) Oh! 
 
 Pater, (c.) May I venture to enquire the cause of all this 
 
JOHN DOBBS. 7 
 
 Ah-oh-ing— to say nothing of the Oh-ha-ing ? 
 
 Lucy. A portrait of Mary ! Look, Mr. Paternoster—isn't it like 
 her? 
 
 Squire. Absolute identity ! 
 
 Mrs. C. My very self! 
 
 Pater. Well, I can't say I think so. To be sure, there's no mis- 
 taking the eyes — and nose— and mouth— and so on, but I solemnly 
 declare I never should have recognized the bonnet! I decidedly 
 object to the bonnet ! 
 
 Mrs. C. Well, this is certainly most gallant — and from a stranger, 
 too ! (Lucy and the Squire retire up to piano.) 
 
 Pater. A stranger! 
 
 Mrs. C. Yes, a young gentleman — an artist, I presume, — with 
 whom I danced one or two quadrilles at our County Ball last week. 
 
 Pater. One or two quadrilles? {severely) Perhaps one or three? 
 
 Mrs. C. No matter! He requested that 1 would permit him to 
 paint my portrait— from memory ! 
 
 "Pater. From memory ! Well, he must have looked at you 
 pretty hard ! He must have regularly rivetted you with his orbs — I 
 say, with his orbs ! A young painter, too ? If he'd been one of the 
 old Masters, I shouldn't so much have cared— but I really don't 
 know a more conceited, self-sufficient class of the community than 
 these young painters — plumbers and glaziers 
 
 Mrs. C. An artist, if you please, Sir 
 
 Pater. Of course— they're all artists ! 
 
 Mrs. C. I never met a more gentlemanly person. 
 
 Pater. That's right, Mrs.C. — overwhelm him with praises ! Why 
 not call him a Sir Thomas Corregio or a Sir Joshua Vandyke, at once ? 
 (crosses to l.h.) 
 
 Mrs. C. Fshaw! 
 
 Squire. Holloa ! a lover's quarrel ? I'm off! (Lucy crosses to 
 
 R.H.) 
 
 Lucy. Then Mary and I will remain here and prepare an answer 
 to Mr. John Dobbs's letter. 
 
 Mrs. C. The best thing we can do, since the gentlemen are leaving 
 .us. (pointedly to Paternoster) Both the gentlemen 
 
 Lucy. Both the gentlemen 
 
 Pater. Oh — ah ! That's as much as to tell me to 
 
 Squire, (coming doton, and seizing hold of Paternoster's left 
 arm) Come, along, Paternoster ! (drags him off, c.d.l.h.) 
 
 Mrs. C. Ha, ha, ha. 
 
 Lucy. Ha, ha, ha ! Sister of mine, you certainly do treat poor 
 Mr. Paternoster very cruelly. 
 
 Mrs. C. Surely not worse than Mr. Paternoster treats me. He 
 offers me the choice of two evils — his hand in marriage, or an action 
 at law ! 
 
 Lucy. For the recovery of the larger portion of his cousin 
 Chesterton's property — which, although at present enjoyed by 
 his youthful widow, Mr. Paternoster maintains justly belongs 
 to himself. And yet I firmly believe Mr. Paternoster loves you 
 sincerely. 
 
8 JOHN DOBBS. 
 
 Mrs. C. If I was not sure of it, do you think I should tease him 
 in every way that I possibly can ? Ha, ha ! 
 
 Lucy. Such, for instance, as showing him this portrait of yourself ! 
 By the bye, Mary, who is your young friend ? 
 
 Mrs. C. He has a name, I presume, but I am ignorant of it. All 
 that I do know is, that during our last quadrille he requested per- 
 mission to paint my portrait. 
 
 Lucy. Which permission you granted ? 
 
 Mrs. C. Merely upon the principle that talent ought to be en- 
 couraged. 
 
 Lucy. I am delighted to hear you say so — for do you know, 
 Mary — during my last visit to our dear old aunt, at Bath, I met a 
 gentleman — a young gentleman, who wrote the sweetest ballads, set 
 them to the sweetest music, and sang them in the sweetest style — well, 
 he begged I would permit him to dedicate his last composition to me. 
 
 Mrs. C. Of course you declined ? 
 
 Lucy. Not I, indeed ! Why shouldn't I encourage talent as well 
 as you ? But now, Mary, what is to be done with this dreadful Mr. 
 John Dobbs ? Perhaps, Mary, as you won't have him, — he's changed 
 his mind, and means to pop to me ! Ha, ha ! Poor Major Frankman ! 
 h'ed be a second Othello ! Ha, ha ! 
 
 Mrs. C. If Mr. Dobbs should do so, which, (conceitedly) I con- 
 fess I do not think very likely — of course you would crush his impor- 
 tunities, as I did. 
 
 Lucy. Lor, sister ! I couldn't crush the young man. Besides, 
 after all, there would be-no very great crime in his wanting to marry 
 me. 
 
 Mrs. C. Remember my experience, Lucy. It was in a great measure 
 to avoid Mr. John Dobbs's persecution that I married Mr. Chesterton. 
 No sooner had I become a widow than this Dobbs — this persevering 
 tormentor of mine — who, it appears, had in a fit of despair enlisted 
 into a marching regiment — appeared once more in the field ! He pro- 
 posed to me again — he, Dobbs ! at most a non-commissioned officer — 
 think of that, Lucy! Now, Lucy, confess — were it not far better to 
 remain single all your life than to become Mrs. John Dobbs? 
 
 Lucy. I don't know. Single blessedness is all very well for girls 
 between seventeen and eighteen — after that, it begins to grow rather 
 monotonous. 
 
 Mrs. C. Well, if the prospect alarms you, I'll resign Mr. Paternos- 
 ter to you. (smiling, crosses to l.h.) 
 
 Lucy (crosses to r.) You're very kind — ha, ha! But here he 
 comes! I declare the poor man haunts you like a ghost! I'll make 
 my escape — a third person is always in the way ! (aside to Pater- 
 noster, who enters CD. ) Courage, brother-in-law — Courage! 
 
 Exit R.H. 
 
 Pater. Brother-in-law! She said brother-in-law! Extaticword! 
 (hurrying to Mrs. C.) Here — on my knees — let me — (making an 
 attempt to kneel. ) 
 
 Mrs. C. (smiling) Don't trouble yourself to kneel. 
 
 Pater. Thank you. Between you and me, I'd as lieve let it alone! 
 So my adorable widow has made up her mind at last ? 
 
JOHN DOBBS. 9 
 
 Mrs. C. I'm afraid I don't understand you. 
 
 ■ Pater. Come, that won't do! You've fixed the happy day, 
 
 haven't you ? 
 
 Mrs. C. {affecting ignorance) What happy day ? 
 
 Pater, {tenderly) Our happy day ! 
 
 Mrs. C. Our happy day ? 
 
 Pater. My happy day ! 
 
 Mrs. C. Your happy day? 
 
 Pater. Come, come ! 
 
 Mrs. C. Where ? 
 
 Pater. Playful pleasantry ! {aside) Rather a nuisance ! {aloud) 
 Then — in a word — have you fixed the day of our union, or have you 
 not ? That's my question ! 
 
 Mrs. C. I have not ! That's my answer ! 
 
 Pater. Ah, I see how it is, Ma'am ! A week ago we were the 
 best friends in the world, Ma'am — you hadn't received that wretched, 
 contemptible daub of a portrait, Ma'am ! I say a daub, Ma'am ! 
 
 Mrs. C. So, so — jealous, I declare! Ha, ha! 
 
 Pater. Don't flatter yourself, Ma'am ! — only slightly purple with 
 indignation at your sudden partiality for a paltry — plumber an<f 
 glazier ! 
 
 Mrs. C. Ha, ha, ha! 
 
 Pater. Very well — you know the consequences, Ma'am — the law 
 shall take its course — Paternoster versus Chesterton shall certainly 
 go on ! 
 
 Mrs. C. With all my heart — ha. ha, ha ! 
 
 Squire, {without, l.h.) Zounds ! mind what you are about— 
 gently ! 
 
 Mrs. C. Papa's voice ! What can have happened to him ! 
 
 Runs to meet the Squire, who enters c.d., leaning on John. 
 
 Squire. Don't alarm yourself, Mary — it's nothing worth men- 
 tioning. A chair ! 
 
 Mrs. C. {to Paternoster, impatiently) A chair! — don't you 
 hear? 
 -Pater, {takes chair from r. and offers it to Mrs. C.) 
 
 Mrs. C. For papa ! 
 
 Pater, {places chair for Squire, c.) 
 
 Squire, {seats himself) Thank'ee. Wheugh ! 
 
 Exit John c.d. 
 
 Mrs. C. Now, tell me 
 
 Squire. It's soon explained. The fact is — somehow or other — I 
 forgot I wasn't quite as young or as active as I was thirty years ago, 
 80 I tried to jump over a ditch 
 
 Pater. And failed ? 
 
 Squire. Signally — fell plump into the middle of it ! 
 
 Pater. Delicious ! Ha, ha ! (Mrs. C. looks at Mm severely — he 
 checks himself) 
 
 Squire. However, luckily a young gentleman happened to be 
 riding by at the time, who immediately dismounted — lugged me out 
 of the ditch— put me on his nag, and brought me home. 
 
10 JOHN DOBBS* 
 
 Mrs. C. Oh, Mr. Paternoster, run over to Canterbury for a doc- 
 tor immediately ! 
 
 Pater. Run over to Canterbury ! Four miles there — and — about 
 the same distance back again. Thank'ee ! 
 
 Squire, There's no necessity for that, for by another slice of good 
 luck, my young friend- in-need turns out to be a medical man him- 
 gelf, and 
 
 Dobbs. {without, l.h.) Now, be quick — get the bath ready — 
 plenty of hot flannels — good rough towel — rub down well — then 
 into bed — basin of gruel, with a glass of sherry — profuse perspiration 
 — sleep like a top, and up again in the morning as lively as a kitten ! 
 
 Enter Dobbs, c.d. 
 
 — {to the Squire) Ah ! better already, eh ? I see you are, — wish 
 you joy! 
 
 Mrs. C. (looking at Dobbs) What do I see ? 
 
 Dobbs. (bowing with an air of polite reserve) Madam, your 
 servant ! 
 
 Mrs. C. It is he ! 
 
 Pater. He ? What he ?— which he ?— who he ? 
 
 Mrs. C. The gentleman I was speaking of. 
 
 Pater. Oh ! — what ! the painter — the plumber— (seeing 
 Dobbs's eye fixed on him) I mean the talented producer of that 
 exquisite portrait ? 
 
 Mrs. C. Which you called a wretched, contemptible daub ! 
 
 Dobbs. (to Paternoster) Thank you. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Pater, (very loud) Ha, ha, ha ! (aside) He seems a good-tem- 
 pered sort of painter enough ! I'll give him another dig ! (aloud) 
 So you're an artist, Sir ? 
 
 Squire. An artist? Pooh! no such thing. I tell you, he's a 
 doctor. 
 
 Dobbs. Neither the one nor the other, by profession — yet both, 
 en amateur, I studied medicine, that my services might be ready 
 if required — as in your case, (to Squire) I studied the art of 
 painting, that I might be able to secure to myself the recollection of 
 features I might never behold again — as in your case, (bowing to 
 Mrs. Chesterton) Thus, you see, I am ready in either capacity 
 to oblige my friend ; and to prove it, (to Paternoster) if at any 
 time you've a quarter-of-an-hour to spare, I'll take you or your leg 
 off, with the greatest pleasure in life ! 
 
 Pater. Thank'ee! It's very handsome of you to give me the 
 preference, but my time happens to be fully employed just now, and 
 is likely to be so for a considerable period. 
 
 Dobbs. Ha, ha! (taking out watch, and taking Squire's hand) 
 Pulse better already! Then I think we may dispense with the 
 leeches to-night. Pity to waste them, though, (to Paternoster) 
 Perhaps you 
 
 Pater. Don't apply your leeches to me, Sir ! 
 
 Dobbs. Ha, ha, ha ! you're offended — you look like it ! (Pater. 
 looks indignant) There's an expression ! If you'd only keep just as 
 you are till I run down to the inn for my sketch book 
 
JOHN DOBBS. 11 
 
 Pater. Pooh, Sir ! I say, pooh, Sir ! 
 
 Enter Lucy, hastily, r.h. 
 
 Lucy. Oh, my dear papa! (kissing Squire) 
 
 Mrs. C. Don't be alarmed, Lucy. This gentleman pronounces 
 the accident a very trivial one. 
 
 Dobbs. A mere nothing, I assure you. 
 
 Lucy. Oh, Sir {looking up at Dobbs) Ha ! 
 
 Pater. Now, she's beginning! 
 
 Dobbs. (without noticing Lucx's exclamation) However r my 
 dear Sir — (to Squire) I shall still recommend the hot bath 
 
 Squire. Very well. Must obey the doctor's orders; so come 
 along, Paternoster — lend me your arm 
 
 Mrs. C. (impatiently, to Paternoster) Your arm — don't you 
 hear ? (Paternoster offers his arm to her) For papa ! (very loud 
 — Paternoster crosses to Squire) 
 
 Dobbs. (stepping in before him, and taking Squire's arm) A 
 trifle too late — ha, ha! (he and the Squire retire towards l.h.d. 
 — Paternoster crosses back to r. in a rage) 
 
 Mrs. C. (aside to Lucy) Why, Lucy, one would imagine you had 
 seen this young doctor before. 
 
 Lucy. Doctor? 
 
 Mrs. C. Well — this artist, if you prefer it. 
 
 Lucy. Artist — doctor ? He's neither one nor the other. He is a 
 musician ! 
 
 Pater (overhearing) A musician ? A mu Here Squire — stop ! 
 
 He's not a doctor ! 
 
 Squire, (going) Pshaw ! 
 
 Pater, (shouting) Stop ! He's not a painter ! 
 
 Squire, (going) Pooh ! 
 
 Pater, (crossing to L.) Stop ! He's a mu 
 
 Squire. Stuff! 
 
 Exit l.h.d. Dobbs politely sees him to door, then crosses to C. 
 Pater, (shouting) — Sician — a musician — a mu 
 Enter John, l.h. 
 
 John. Master's bath is quite ready, (sees Dobbs — starts) Eh ? it© 
 — yes it is ! 
 
 Pater. Now he's beginning ! Do you know him ? 
 
 John. Know him? I should think so. Why he rode old Moonraker 
 at our last steeple chase ! 
 
 Exit l.h 
 
 Pater, (shouting) Here, Squire — stop ! He's not a doctor — he's not 
 a painter — he's not a musician — he's a moonchaser ! I should say, a 
 steeple-raker ! I mean, he rode old Moonchaser — I mean, old Steeple- 
 raker, at our last moon chase ! I mean, at our last steeple rake ! Here, 
 
 sto P ? Buns out L.H.D. 
 
 Dobbs. (aside) Come, I've found my way into the enemy's camp 
 at last. Egad, if they only knew who I am — (looking at Mrs. Ches- 
 terton.) — and there she stands, as beautiful as ever! Pshaw — don't 
 
12 JOHN DOBBS. 
 
 let me forget that she has insulted me — humiliated me ! Proud woman, 
 it will soon be my turn, {aloud) Ha, ha ! I really seem to have given 
 your pugnacious friend some violent cause of offence. 
 
 Mrs. C. Why your presence here, sir, has certainly caused a little 
 excitement. Even my sister recognised you. 
 
 Dobbs. {bowing to Lucy) Your sister ? 
 
 Lucy. Yes. I knew you again the moment I saw you. Indeed, 
 it was only this morning I was practising that beautiful ballad you 
 were so polite as to dedicate to me. 
 
 Dobbs. {aside) If she had known that beautiful ballad was 
 composed by John Dobbs, it would have lighted the kitchen fire, or 
 served as curl papers for the cook and housemaid before this, {aloud) 
 At Bath! {crosses to c.) True — I remember perfectly, almost charm- 
 ing voice ! 
 
 Lucy. And yet you had entirely forgotten me. 
 
 Dobbs. Nay, I never forget my pupils — {bowing to Lucy) — nor 
 my models, {bowing to Mrs. Chesterton) Indeed, there are 
 features which so indelibly impress themselves upon our memory, 
 that neither time nor absence can efface them, {looking alternately 
 at Mrs. Chesterton and Lucy.) 
 
 Mrs. C. {aside) Does he mean that for me or Lucy ? 
 
 Lucy, {aside) I wonder if that's intended for me or Mary ? 
 
 Enter Paternoster, l.h.d. running. 
 
 Pater. Wheugh ! Here I am again ! {looking fiercely at Dobbs.) 
 
 Dobbs. {looking indifferently at Paternoster) I believe you 
 spoke? 
 
 Pater. I believe I did — rather ! I said here I am again : though 
 I dare say my presence here is not very welcome. 
 
 Dobbs. Then the question very naturally suggests itself, why did 
 you come ? But you are quite mistaken — a good laugh is always 
 welcome. 
 
 Pater. Ha, ha, ha ! Very good — very smart, indeed ! {aside) 
 I've half a mind to say something dreadfully severe — only I don't 
 exactly know how to set about it. {crosses to c. aloud) I am deputed 
 by Mr. Fallowfield to say that he requires the presence of hi* 
 daughters — both his daughters ! 
 
 Lucy. Papa's not worse ! Surely that's not the cause ? 
 
 Pater. No ; I wish it was. No — I don't mean that ! — I 
 mean 
 
 Dobbs. You don't appear to me to have quite made up your mind 
 as to what you do mean. 
 
 Pater. I'm not aware, sir, that I addressed my conversation to 
 you, either individually or collectively, {aside) That was rather 
 severe ! 
 
 Mrs. C. Will you explain ? What is the matter ? 
 
 Pater. WTiy our young friend, Mr. John Dobbs, is the matter ? 
 
 Mrs. C. Again ! 
 
 Pater. Yes. Your worthy father was just stepping into his hot bath 
 — very improper treatment, by the bye, for a man who obviously 
 ought to keep himself cool {speaking at Dobbs.) 
 
JOHN DOBBS. 13 
 
 Dobbs. (smiling) As you do. 
 
 Pater, (violently) Yes, sir, as I do ; — well, he was just stepping 
 into his hot bath, as I said before — very improper treatment, by the 
 bye 
 
 Dobbs. Yes — you said that before ! 
 
 Pater. I wish you wouldn't speak, sir ! 
 
 Dobbs. I wish you would! 
 
 Pater. Then the long and the short of it is 
 
 Dobbs. Never mind the long — stick to the short ! 
 
 Pater. I shall stick altogether, if you keep interrupting in this 
 way! However, Mr. John Dobbs, Junior, has just sent a man t« 
 know if there's any answer to his letter, in which, as you know, he 
 requested permission to present his objectionable person at Fallow- 
 field Hall. 
 
 Dobbs. (aside) True enough! I gave the fellow half a crown 
 to bring the message to the house, and promised to double it, if he 
 got kicked out of it. 
 
 Mrs. C. Was there ever such effrontery? Ha, ha! 
 
 Pater. A low-bred, ignorant farming fellow, who won't take 
 a hint. But there are some folks who never will take a hint. 
 (pointedly to Dobbs — then aside) That's another dig. 
 
 Dobbs. (indifferently) Ah ! 
 
 Pater. And who will insist on forcing their society upon other 
 folks. • 
 
 Dobbs. Ah, very wrong indeed in some folks, and very hard upon 
 other folks — very ! 
 
 Pater. So your father wishes to speak to you — (to Mrs. Ches- 
 terton) — on the subject of our approaching marriage, (-pointedly 
 at Dobbs) I say, our approaching marriage! 
 
 Dobbs. Ha, ha ! Why address yourself so pointedly to me, 
 my dear sir ? If you want my consent, why don't you ask for it at 
 once? 
 
 Pater. Your consent ? Stuff — pooh ! All I have to say to you, 
 sir, is, that with so many professions on your hands at once — 
 namely, a painter, a plumber — I mean, a painter, and doctor, and 
 musician, and moonchaser — I should say, steeple-raker — why your 
 time must be too valuable to waste here any longer, and so I'll just 
 tell John to bring your horse round to the door immediately. 
 
 Dobbs. A perfect waste of time on John's part, as John will most 
 indubitably have to take the horse back again from whence John 
 brought him. I dine here — indeed, I'm not certain that I don't 
 sleep here ! 
 
 Pater. Perhaps you haven't quite made up your mind whether 
 you don't live here altogether? 
 
 Dobbs. Why, if you insist upon it— — 
 
 Pater. Absurd ! (crosses behind to R.) 
 
 Mrs. C. Come, Lucy (Ladies cross to L.) 
 
 Dobbs. Ladies, I kiss your hands 
 
 Pater. Humbug! (advancing to MR3. Chesterton and Lucy) 
 May I be allowed? 
 
 Dobbs. (stepping in before him, and offering his arm to Mrs. 
 
14 JOHN DOBBS. 
 
 Chesterton and Lucy) Permit me (to Paternoster) A trifle 
 
 too late again — ha, ha, ha! (handing Ladies to l.h.d. They 
 exeunt. Dobbs crosses to r.h. humming an air) La la la la la! 
 
 Pater, (aside) Now he's singing! (singing very loud) Do, re, fa, 
 sol — (crosses to Dobbs, singing very loud) — fa, sol, la, fa, sol, la, 
 
 do! (re-crosses to l., and thumps piano) Do, re (Dobbs throw* 
 
 himself on sofa, and reads newspaper) Now he's beginning to read ! 
 (advancing to him) Sir — I say, sir 
 
 Dobbs. Eh ? (looking at Paternoster.) 
 
 Pater. I wish to that is, I 
 
 Dobbs. Exactly ! {reading again.) 
 
 Pater. Will you allow me to ask you a question — several ques- 
 tions ? 
 
 Dobbs. By all means. Go on — don't be shy. 
 
 Pater. Ahem ! Have you resided long in this neighbourhood ? 
 
 Dobbs. No ! 
 
 Pater. Do you intend to settle in it? 
 
 Dobbs. Perhaps! 
 
 Pater. As a painter? 
 
 Dobbs. Why — urnph! 
 
 Pater. Or a doctor? 
 
 Dobbs. Why — umph ! 
 
 Pater. Or a musician ? ^^ 
 
 Dobbs. Why — umph! 
 
 Pater. Why — umph? I never had to encounter a more irri- 
 tating style of dialogue — (aloud) — unless, indeed, you are not wha 
 you appear to be ! (with intention.) 
 
 Dobbs. Possibly! 
 
 Pater. Oh, then you wish to conceal who you really are ? 
 
 Dobbs. Probably ! 
 
 Tater. And you've your reasons for it ? 
 
 Dobbs. Certainly ! 
 
 Pater, (aside) I never heard such a limited vocabulary in m; 
 life ! (aloud) Then, sir, allow me to observe that your conduct is, fc 
 say the least of it, suspicious. You are aware that there are tw< 
 females in this house, sir, young, rich, and pretty 
 
 Dobbs. Ha! 
 
 Pater. Perhaps you've an eye to one of them? 
 
 Dobbs. Oh! 
 
 Pater. Which, sir — which? 
 
 Dobbs. Ah ! 
 
 Pater. Is it the widow ? 
 Dobbs. Oh! 
 
 Pater, (aside) I shall have a fit of convulsions presently — I'n 
 sure I shall ! (aloud) Then, sir, I'll be more communicative than yoi 
 are ! Ahem ! You must know, sir, that I'm a button manufacturer, o; 
 a large scale ! 
 
 Dobbs. (rises) On a large scale ? You allude to the buttons, I pre 
 sume ? 
 
 Pater. And I love the widow — I adore the widow — and if a rivs 
 should presume to present himself, why— dash my wig 
 
JOHN DOBBS. 15 
 
 Dobbs. Wig ! You mean buttons ! 
 
 Pater. I'd send a brace of pistols through his head! 
 
 Dobbs. Bullets and all? Ha, ha ! 
 
 Pater. I would— by Jove, I would ! {kicking chair over 
 
 Enter Mrs. Chesterton, d.l.h. 
 
 Mrs. C. What is the matter ? 
 
 Pater. You've come just in time. I was gradually getting into a 
 passion. 
 
 Dobbs. And I assure you this gentleman's passion is no joke — es- 
 pecially for the furniture, (picks up chair.) 
 
 Mrs. C. What does it mean? 
 
 Pater. It means, Mrs. C, that this mysterious stranger (looking 
 at Dobbs.)— is'nt in the neighbourhood for nothing. It can't be to 
 paint the inhabitants, for they're all ugly ! 
 
 Dobbs. (to Mrs. C.) That's gallant ! (smiling) 
 
 Pater. I'm speaking of the male species, Sir. 
 
 Dobbs. (boioing to him) Oh, then, I perfectly agree with you. 
 
 Pater. And as for music — we've no ears ! 
 
 Dobbs. (smiling) I'm sure you ought to have ! 
 
 Pater. Besides, there's no opportunity for you. If you want to 
 play the parish organ — we've got none ! 
 
 Dobbs. No Parish ? 
 
 Pater, (shouting) No organ ! No, no — it isn't that that brings 
 you here, Sir. You know it isn't — and unless I'm very much mis- 
 taken, this lady knows it isn't. 
 
 Mrs. C. Mr. Paternoster ! 
 
 Patbr. Yes, Ma'am, I've my suspicions. That meeting at the 
 County Ball, Ma'am ; then the portrait, Ma'am ; then the plumber 
 himself— I mean the painter, Ma'am ! The thing's clear — I've a 
 rival ! 
 
 Mrs. C. Mr. Paternoster ! are you mad ? 
 
 Dobbs. (advancing upon Paternoster, who retreats r.h.) 
 And pray, Sir, let me ask you by what right do you interfere ? I 
 repeat, by what right 
 
 Pater. Now, don't put yourself in such a dreadful state of excite- 
 ment — don't ! 
 
 Dobbs. If I have a secret, Sir, that's my affair, not yours, (very 
 loud) That's my affair ! 
 
 Patbr. I hear you — but that's no reason why the people in the 
 next county should ! A secret ? A declaration — to my very face — 
 before my very eyes ! 
 
 Dobbs. A declaration? Oh! 
 
 Pater. Don't let me have any more of your "Ohs 1" Mrs, C, 
 that gentleman or I must leave the house ! Tell him to go, Mrs. C, 
 or else 
 
 Dobbs. Well, Sir? 
 
 Patbr. Or else, as I said before, Paternoster versus CheBtertoa 
 fihall certainly go on ! 
 
 Dobbs. Then Paternoster will certainly luse I 
 
 Patbr. Pooh—absurd I 
 
16 JOHN DOBBS. 
 
 Do bbs. Well, I merely give you my opinion as an attorney. 
 
 Pater. An attorney ? Damme, he's everything ! 
 
 Do bbs. Yes, the case is clearly against you. Vide 2nd of George 
 the Third, cap. 5, sec. 2. Besides, you remember the great cause of 
 Grigsby versus Bigsby — parallel case entirely, — to say nothing of 
 Hopkins versus Popkins. Indeed, the late Lord Mansfield, in the 
 case of Hobson versus Dobson, tried before his Lordship at the Car- 
 rickfergus Assizes, in October, 1814, distinctly, positively, and em- 
 phatically said 
 
 Pater. That'll do, Sir. I don't want to know what Lord Car- 
 rickfergus said to Dobson and Bobson, at the Mansfield Assizes — nor 
 this lady, either. 
 
 Dobbs. Unless she condescends to request my professional advice. 
 
 Pater. Which she certainly does not ! 
 
 Mrs. C. Which I certainly do ! 
 
 Pater. Very well, Ma'am ! (crosses to L.c.) If you choose to 
 throw away your six-and-eightpences, that's your affair. I'll go to 
 law. I don't care about what your pettifogging attorney says — I 
 don't care about George the Fifth, sec. 3, cap. 1814, — I don't care 
 what Lord Jobson said to Bobson — I mean, what Lord Bobson said 
 to Never mind ! And as for you, Sir, allow me to tell you— - 
 
 Dobbs. (brosses to him) What, Sir ? 
 
 Pater. Nothing ! (runs off l.h.d.) 
 
 Dobbs. Ha, ha, ha ! Poor Buttons ! 
 
 Mrs. C. Surprise upon surprise ! A lawyer ? 
 
 Dobbs. Enough of one, at any rate, Ma'am, to offer you my ser- 
 vices. 
 
 Mrs. C. Really, Si r I 
 
 Dobbs. Unless, indeed, this proposed marriage with Mr. Pater- 
 noster is, in reality, less formidable than it would appear to be. 
 
 Mrs. C. Sir, I 
 
 Dobbs. At any rate he'll not easily renounce his pretensions, 
 neither should I, were I in his place, although a refusal is not the 
 most agreeable thing in the world ! (looking attentively at Mrs. C, 
 then resuming a gayer manner) Come, Madam — what say you? 
 Are you willing to shelter yourself under my legal battery, and see 
 me blow poor Mr. Paternoster out of the water ? 
 
 Mrs. C. Sir, I really do not know 
 
 Dobbs. How to act ? Nothmg so simple. Accept a consultation 
 — meet me here in half an hour — (Mrs. C. starts) — professionally of 
 course! 
 
 Mrs. C. Sir I 
 
 Dobbs. Accept ! Thank you. You will be alone t 
 
 Mrs. C. Sir, I 
 
 Dobbs. Agree ! That's settled ! 
 
 -Pater, (without) Now, come along 
 
 Dobbs. The enemy's in sight. Leave all to me. (seats himself at 
 piano) 
 
 Enter Paternoster, pulling on the Squire with him, Lvly 
 
 following l.h.d. 
 
JOHN DOBBS. 17 
 
 Squire. Nonsense! 
 
 -Pater. But 1 tell you it is 
 
 Dobbs. ( plays the piano) 
 
 Pater. Now he's playing the piano ! (to Squire) I repeat, that 
 
 here, on this very spot, not five minutes ago, I distinctly heard 
 
 Dobbs. (playing and singing) 
 
 u As I was going down de street, down de street," &c. 
 
 Pater, (to Dobbs) Don't play so loud, Sir. I wish you were 
 going down the street ! (to Squibe) I repeat, that I clearly and 
 distinctly heard 
 
 Dobbs. (very loud) 
 
 " And it's no use knocking at the door," &c. 
 
 Pater. Don't make such a noise, Sir ! 
 
 Squire. Hang me, if everybody in the house doesn't seem in a 
 conspiracy to annoy me. 
 
 Pater, (shouting) Well, but, Squire 
 
 Dobbs. (looking round at Paternoster) Don't make such a 
 noise, Sir — you disturb the Squire. 
 
 Squire. I've had nothing but worry, worry, all day long. First, 
 no one would go out shooting with me — then I tumble into a ditch — 
 then in comes Mr. John Dobbs's letter 
 
 Dobbs. (aside) Then Mr. John Dobbs himself— ha, ha ! 
 
 Squire. By the bye, Lucy, I told you to get an answer ready for 
 this young persevering puppy, declining the distinguished honour of 
 his acquaintance. 
 
 Dobbs. Persevering puppy ! Thank ye, Squire — I owe you one ! 
 
 Lucy. I'm sure, papa, I don't know what to say. I don't wish to 
 hurt the young man's feelings. 
 
 Pater. Feelings ? Pooh ! Besides, he's not a young man — he's a 
 farmer — so don't stand upon any ceremony with the fellow, Miss Lucy, 
 but take my advice, and that is- 
 
 Dobbs. (playing and singing.) 
 
 " Take your time, Miss Lucy !" 
 
 Pater. Hush ! (very loud) I repeat, take my advice, and that 
 
 is 
 
 Dobbs. (plays and sings very loud) 
 
 16 It's no use knocking at the door," &c. 
 
 Pater. I wish you'd leave off that bang, bang, Sir ! — you'll dis- 
 locate the piccolo ! 
 
 Squire. The letter must go, or we shall never be free from Mr. 
 John Dobbs's persecution, that's quite clear. 
 
 Mrs. C. I have prepared an answer for Mr. Dobbs, papa, and 
 here it is. (shewing letter) 
 
 Squire. That's right, Mary. 
 
 Pater. I only wish I could find myself face to face with this small 
 son of a farmer — I mean, this son of a small farmer. 
 
 Mrs. C. Nay, he's now a soldier — a hero — perhaps a drummer, 
 or a corporal, with two stripes on his arm 
 
 Pater, And two dozen across his shoulders I 1 don't believe this 
 
18 JOHN DOBBS. 
 
 
 &llow, Dobbs, ever was ra love with you. Though your father might 
 be a little involved, he knew deuced well the storm would soon blow 
 over, and you would have a handsome dowry. That was his game, de- 
 pend upon it. 
 
 Dobbs. {suddenly coming down behind Paternoster.) Hold ! 
 Let me tell you, sir, that John Dobbs is an honest man, and as in- 
 capable of an unworthy action as yourself, or any other button manu- 
 facturer on a large scale in the United Kingdom ! 
 
 Pater, (aside) Hollo! The mysterious stranger is getting into a 
 state of combustion ! 
 
 Squire, (to Dobbs.) Heyday ! Are you acquainted with 
 Mr. John Dobbs ? 
 
 Dobbs. Known him for years. We went to sea in the same ship. 
 
 Pater. Sea 'I — ship ? Now he's a sailor ! 
 
 Dobbs. In short, I may safely say we have never parted; and were 
 I to suffer him to be calumniated in silence, I should be unworthy the 
 name of a gentleman and a soldier. 
 
 Pater. A soldier ? Only give him time, and I shouldn't be sur- 
 prised if he turned out to be the bench of bishops ! 
 
 Dobbs. I have to apologize for this interference in a family mat- 
 ter, but really my friend Dobbs's history is very singular — so singu- 
 lar, that, with your permission, I will relate it precisely as I had it 
 itom his own lips, (they all look confused) Don't be alarmed — I'll 
 not trouble you with any unnecessary details, but come at once to 
 that period of Dobbs's life when he first fell — or, I might say, plunged 
 into love, (looking fixedly at Mrs. Chesterton) The lady's name 
 he declined to mention, but she did my friend Dobbs the honour of 
 holding him and his in the most sovereign contempt. She refused, 
 even, to see him. (smiling) There, I really think, she was wrong — for 
 I assure you my friend Dobbs is by no means an ill-looking fellow. 
 
 Mrs. C. (aside) He may have been very handsome — perhaps I 
 ought, at least, to have seen him ! 
 
 Dobbs. Well, poor Dobbs — who, by the bye, is one of the most 
 obstinate dogs that ever lived — swore that the lady should be his 
 wife. But it was not to be — she became the wife of another — a vain, 
 siily man, as he heard 
 
 Pater. I beg your pardon, sir, but that vain, silly man, happens 
 to have been my cousin. (Mrs. Chesterton by signs tells him to 
 be silent) 
 
 Dobbs. I'm very sorry for it — but I'm telling a story as it was 
 told to me. Well, poor Dobbs, finding himself unsuccessful in the 
 Court of Cupid, determined to try his fortune in the Camp of Mars — 
 in other words, he enlisted into a marching regiment. 
 
 Mrs. C. (aside) Poor young man ! He must indeed have 
 k-ved me. 
 
 Dobbs. He joined his regiment in India — but before he sailed, he 
 made one more appeal to the lady, who, in the mean time, had be- 
 come a widow, but all in vain. He was again rejected — but this 
 time the lady fairly lost her temper. By the bye, he gave me the 
 lady '8 letter to read. I have it here, (taking out a letter, and show- 
 ing it to Mrs. Chfstbrton) will you favour me with your opinion 
 of it? 
 
JOHN DOBBS. 19 
 
 Mrs. C. No. (aside) He little knows I wrote it! 
 
 Do bbs. Well, John Dobbs at length obtained the summit of his 
 ambition — a commission in her Majesty's service — and having re- 
 turned to old England, he tells me he again means to lay siege to this 
 obdurate lady, (they all look at each other) Poor Dobbs ! another 
 repulse, doubtless, awaits him. But I really beg pardon for this un- 
 pardonable intrusion on your time and patience, and in taking my 
 leave, I beg leave to offer my thanks to you, sir — (to the Squire) — 
 for your kindness and hospitality to a stranger — to you, Ladies, for 
 your condescension — above all, to you, sir — (to Paternoster) — 
 for the many hearty laughs you have so liberally afforded me, at your 
 own expence! I now retire, merely claiming from one and all a little 
 more indulgence and kindly feeling towards my absent friend, and 
 comrade, John Dobbs. (to Squire and Mrs. Chesterton, who 
 make a movement to retain him) Pardon me 
 
 (Bows and exit c.d.) 
 
 Squire. Well, that's what I call an extraordinary fellow ! 
 
 Pater. By many degrees the most complicated individual I ever 
 fell in with ! 
 
 Squire. Who is he? What is he ? 
 
 Pater. What is he? You mean, what isn't he ? I dare say I shall 
 be in a minority, but it's my firm belief that this mysterious unknown 
 i3 little better than he should be. He walks into the house, makes 
 himself quite at home, then pretends to take offence at something or 
 other, tells a cock and a bull story about his friend, John Dobbs, and 
 then walks out again \(shouting) Where are the spoons ? 
 
 Mrs. C. Pshaw ! 
 
 Lucy. Ridiculous! 
 
 Squire. Absurd ! 
 
 Enter Major, c.d. 
 
 Maj. (slapping Paternoster on the back) Here I am again ! 
 
 Pater, (starting) I wish you wouldn't! (aside) I thought 'twas 
 t'other chap come back. 
 
 Squire. Ah, Major — I'm glad to see you back again. 
 
 Maj. I might have spared my ride altogether, for I found the mat- 
 ter rested entirely with the civil power. It seems that a highly talented 
 and accomplished adventurer, after a succesful season in the metropolis, 
 is now levying his contributions on the simple inhabitants of Canter- 
 bury and its vicinity 
 
 Pater, (as if struck with an idea) Ha ! 
 
 Maj. However, the police are after the fellow. They'll soon have 
 him. 
 
 Pater, (shouting) He's here — we have him ! I mean, he was here, 
 and we might have had him ! 
 
 Maj. Who? 
 
 Pater. He! him! our mysterious unknown, our interesting 
 •tranger, who's no more a painter, a musician, a doctor, a lawyer, 
 a sailor, a moon-chaser, a steeple-raker, than I am. No, no — 
 he's the talented adventurer — he's the accomplished swindler — 
 
20 JOHN DOBBS. 
 
 or else he's a policeman in plain clothes. In either case, as I said 
 before, where are the spoons ? (during this speech Mrs. Chester- 
 ton retires up, and sits at table , looking off, c.D.) 
 
 Squire. Zounds, Paternoster, your croaking has infested me. I 
 begin to have my doubts about the young gentleman. 
 
 Mrs. C. (looking off c.D.) Eh ! yes~it is ! I see him returning 
 towards the house again, (coming down r. of Paternoster) What 
 can he be coming back for ? 
 
 PA.TER. The forks! 
 
 Ma j. If my suspicions are excited, I shall certainly arrest him. 
 
 Dobbs. (without l.h.) Surely I should know that gallant grey ? 
 
 Maj. (struck by the voice) Heyday! 
 
 Pater. Here he comes — let's be firm ! (getting behind Major.) 
 
 Enter Dobbs, c.d. 
 — Now seize him ! 
 
 Maj. (seeing Dobbs.) Eh? no — yes, it is! 
 
 Pater. Now he's beginning ! 
 
 Dobbs. (to Major) My dear Frankman! 
 
 Maj. Delighted to see you, my dear Captain! (they retire up, 
 shaking hands.) 
 
 Pater. Captain ! I can't stand this! I feel myself rapidly settling, 
 down into a state of incipient insanity. 
 
 Mrs. C. (to Paternoster) Now what have you to say for your- 
 self, sir ? 
 
 Lucy. You've made yourself sufficiently ridiculous, I think ! 
 
 Squire. You must admit you've rather put your foot in it ! 
 
 Pater, (in a plaintive tone) That's right — don't spare me — kick 
 me now I'm down ! (Dobbs and the Major advance.) 
 
 Dobbs. (to Major) This is indeed an unexpected pleasure ! 
 Your pardon, ladies — but when I tell you that Frankman and I 
 haven't met since we fought side by side at Moodkee 
 
 Pater, {aside) Mookey ! Where's Mookey ? I think it's in 
 Northamptonshire ! 
 
 Maj. (to Dobbs) But how the deuce is it I find you here? 
 
 Squire. Oh, I'll tell you all that over a bottle of Burgundy, (to 
 Dobbs) You'll join us ? 
 
 Major and Squire go out c.D. 
 
 Dobbs. Immediately, (to Mrs. C.) Mrs. Chesterton will not 
 forget our consultation — business, of course, must be attended to. 
 
 Mrs. C. Excuse me — I must retire 
 
 Dobbs. And despatch your letter to poor Dobbs. 
 
 Mrs. C. I confess, sir, the fact of his being your friend has in a 
 great measuse removed 
 
 Dobbs. Your prejudices ? I mean, your dislike. Shall I tell 
 him £o? 
 
 Mrs. C. Yes — no? 
 
 Dobbs. Then entrust the letter to me, madam-~it will be precisely 
 the same thing as giving it to him. 
 
 Mrs. C. (giving letter f pnd with hesitation) You may tell him — 
 that — I've no wish whatever to break his heart ! 
 
all Uoo/eseiun. 
 
 ♦WtingHil! 
 Hand, 
 
 JOHN DOBBS* 21 
 
 Pater, (coming down between them) Exactly. Tell him we none 
 of us wish to break his heart ! Go and deliver the letter immediately. 
 
 Go along 
 
 Enter Major, c.d. 
 
 Major. Now, my dear Dobbs — are you coming ? 
 
 Mrs. C. Dobbs ! 
 
 Lucy. Dobbs! 
 
 Pater. Dobbs ! (starts off c.d. and drags on the Squire down 
 to front, pointing to Dobbs) Dobbs ! 
 
 Squire. Lor ! 
 
 Major. What is the matter? What have I done t 
 
 Dobbs. Been a little premature — that's all, my dear Major ! So, 
 egad, we must drop the curtain before the farce is half over, (looking 
 round him) Bless me, how astonished you all look. Ha, ha ! And yet 
 it's no fault of mine. I never said I wasn't Dobbs, did I ? And what 
 if I am John Dobbs, son of old Dobbs, that doesn't prevent r jeing 
 something of a doctor, eh, Squire ? or having a taste p .iting — 
 
 (looking at Mrs. C.) — or music, (to Lucy) Neither noes it prevent 
 my wearing Her Majesty's uniform — or above all, riding " old Moon- 
 chaser at our last steeple rake — eh, Buttons? (giving Paternoster 
 a blow in the side. Paternoster crosses to l. and Squire to c.) 
 
 Squire. Egad, I begin to smell a Tat, you young dog ! Hang me, 
 if you haven't taken us all in ! 
 
 Mrs. C, Yes, sir — your vengeance is indeed complete. 
 
 Dobbs. Nay, madam, I sought no vengeance — no retaliation. My 
 motive was, I trust, a higher one — that of removing unworthy preju- 
 dices. 
 
 Squire. And you've succeeded, as far as I'm concerned, for you're 
 a damned clever fellow ! 
 
 Pater. A regular trump ! I never read the History of England, but 
 I don't believe it contains such another Dobbs ! 
 
 Dobbs. Squire, do you know this letter ? (shews letter) 
 
 Squire. Yes,«— that's Mary's answer to— 
 
 Dobbs. Mr. John Dobbs, declining the "distinguished honour of 
 his acquaintance" — ha, ha ! 
 
 Squire. Now, damn it, none of your laughing ! Hark ye ! if I had 
 a dozen daughters, damme, if you shouldn't marry them all ! 
 (crosses r.) 
 
 Dobbs. (to Mrs. C.) Shall I read the letter, Mary ? (Mrs. Ches- 
 terton takes it, tears it to pieces, and lets them fall to the ground) 
 Thanks — Thanks ! (kissing her hand.) 
 
 Pater. Holloa ! Holloa ! Very well, ma'am ! you'll take the conse- 
 quences. Remember, Paternoster versus Chesterton 
 
 Dobbs. You forget Grigsby versus Bigsby, to say nothing of Hop- 
 kins versus Popkins — indeed, the late Lord Mansfield, in the case of 
 Hobson versus Dobson 
 
 Pater. Pooh ! Pooh ! But perhaps Miss Lucy will profit by the ex- 
 ample of her elder sister (offering his hand.) 
 
 Major. I trust she will. May I hope ? 
 
 Lucy. I capitulate ! (giving her hand to Major ) 
 
 Pater. Oh, damn it — I must marry somebody: 
 
 J 
 
22 JOHN DOBBS. 
 
 Dobbs. I'll find you a wife. 
 
 Pater. Will you ? Well, it isn't everybody I'd trust— but as yon 
 can do everything 
 
 Dobbs. Do you mean that ? (to the Audience) Ladies and Gentle- 
 men — you hear what he says ? But you know there is one thing I 
 cannot do without your assistance, namely— secure a favourable ver- 
 dict for "John Dobbs." 
 
 Squire. Mrs. C. Dobbs. Pater. Lucy. Major. 
 
 B. *.. 
 
 Curtain. 
 
«*iXS!>«HCe eacll— l*esl-free, and of all Bookseller*. 
 
 r OLUME 16. 
 ?isu out ox Water 
 Moving Tale 
 j.-n Bolt 
 ielyMitaof3cean 
 .Ise and Constant 
 'Friend the Major 
 x Boy 
 hted Being 
 ng too Fast 
 lia's Supper 
 d of 4i) Foot- 
 lanche [steps 
 »et of Interest 
 ,aa Fide Travel- 
 neymoou [lers 
 LUME 17. 
 jc3 of Comfort 
 of Oheron 
 \. Blue Beard 
 of France 
 
 Dwarf 
 - (The> 
 ay Belle 
 Hassan 
 ivating Sam 
 ugh Diamond 
 -od for Nothing 
 t for Tat 
 od Little Wife 
 posite Neighbours 
 aree Musketeers 
 OLUME 18. 
 Wonderful Woman 
 ly Wife's Diary 
 v Neighbour'sWife 
 ecret Ajjent 
 ame of Romp3 
 ke that Girl Away 
 HI "11 * (Opera Is 
 i*( Drama) 
 of Toledo 
 rid Juliet' 
 ker's Hat 
 Shorediteh 
 Ground 
 nneri n 
 he Watch 
 [E 19. 
 3 ranch 
 and Beast 
 ard (Locks 
 iwithGolden 
 and Iqhi- 
 io (geuia 
 >le Prince 
 > of Jewels 
 harming 
 f Peacock 
 lappyLand 
 & Ariadne 
 g Beauty 
 ifthe Frogs 
 >range Tree 
 vlE 20. 
 Daughters 
 isfophanes 
 at Homo 
 Fleece 
 & Percinet 
 >ur Tongue 
 ae Momiag 
 .at Aunt 
 art's Idol 
 j the Mill 
 
 296 Trish Post 
 
 297 Pride of the Mat ret 
 29SQueen Mary's Bower 
 
 299 Cabinet Question 
 
 300 Lost Ship 
 
 VOLUME 21 
 
 301 Court Beauties 
 
 302 Village Tale 
 
 303 Romantic Idea 
 
 304 Beggar's Opera 
 
 305 Only a Clod 
 
 306 Seven Champions 
 
 307 Enchanted Forest 
 
 308 Mistress of the Mill 
 
 309 First of May 
 
 310 Day of Reckoning 
 
 311 Love Humble Life 
 
 312 Dream of Future 
 
 313 Chain of Events 
 
 314 Ladyin Difficulties 
 
 315 Promotion 
 VOLUME 22 
 
 316 Morning Call 
 
 317 Hay market Spring 
 Meeting 
 
 318TooMuchofaGood 
 Thing [Deep 
 
 319 Still Waters Run, 
 
 320 Henry the Eighth 
 
 321 Garrick Fever 
 
 3 22 Buckstone's Ad- 
 venture with a 
 Polish Princess 
 
 323 Dowager 
 
 324 Young Widow 
 
 325 Helping Hands 
 
 326 Stranger [Getting 
 
 327 How Stout You're 
 
 328 She Would and 
 She Would Not 
 
 329 Only a Halfpenny 
 
 330 Mountain Sylph 
 
 VOLUME 23 
 
 331 Black Doctor 
 
 332 Jack She mard 
 
 333 Dumb Belle 
 331 Hamlet 
 
 335 Sergeant's Wife 
 
 336 My Wife's Mother 
 
 337 Who Speaks First 
 
 338 Black Ey'd Susan 
 
 339 Four Sisters 
 340 Man of Many 
 
 Friends [ment 
 
 341 Petticoat Grvern- 
 
 342 Wandering Mins- 
 
 343 Noemie [trel 
 
 344 Waterman 
 
 345 Little Treasure 
 VOLUME 24. 
 
 346 Don't Judgeby ap- 
 
 347 Slow Man[pearance 
 
 348 Heir at Law 
 
 349 Evadne 
 
 850 Spring and Antumn 
 
 351 20 Minutes with a 
 
 352 White Cat [Tiger 
 853Catching aMermaid 
 354 Give a Dog a Bad 
 155 Co«yCouple[Name 
 
 356 Queen of 8pades 
 
 357 Discreet Princess 
 *58 £5 Reward 
 
 359 Twice Killed [fairs 
 
 360 Urgent Private Af- 
 VOLUME 25 
 
 361 Mephistopheles 
 
 362 OldHouse atHome 
 
 363 JealousWife 
 
 364 Merchant of Venice | 
 
 365 John Jones 
 
 366 Great Gun Trick i 
 
 367 Child of Regiment; 
 
 368 ChevalierSt George ; 
 
 369 Comedy & Tragedy { 
 
 370 SheStoopstoConrjur 
 
 371 ReturnofWanderer 
 
 372 Wonder 
 
 373 Prince for an Hour 
 
 374 Peter Wilkins 
 
 375 As You Ltke It 
 VOLUME 26. 
 
 376 Victor Vanquished 
 
 377 Lucky Horse Shoe 
 
 378 Jersey Girl 
 
 379 DoneonBothSides 
 
 380 laYearsLabourLost 
 
 381 DumbMaoManch- 
 
 382 Evil Genius [ester 
 3s3 Crown Prince 
 
 381 Giralda [of Woman 
 3S5 Rignrs and Wrongs 
 386 Farmer's Daughter 
 337 In for a Holy day 
 388 Romance under 
 
 Difficulties 
 339 Paddy Carey 
 
 390 O'Flannigan and 
 the Fairies^-- 
 VOLUME 27. 
 
 391 Retribution 
 
 3D2 Conjugal Lesson^ 
 
 393 Medea, (vidual 
 
 394 Fascinating Indi- ; 
 
 395 School for 8canJgfH 
 
 396 i wo Heads better ; 
 
 397 Irish Doctor (than 1 
 
 398 Match Making 
 
 399 Locked Out 
 
 400 Prisouerof War 
 
 401 Pizarro^than One j 
 102 More Blunders 
 
 403 Tufelhausen 
 
 404 Lady of the Came- 
 
 405 ChhellcK_ (llias 
 " YOLUME 28 
 
 406 Perdita [Dream 
 
 407 MidsummerNights ' 
 108 Man withlronMask 
 409 8econd Love 
 
 110 Busy Body (Times 
 4ll I'll Write to the 
 1 1 2 Doing the Hansom 
 
 413 Bride of Lamer- 
 
 41 4 White Farm (moor 
 
 415 Ben the Boatswain 
 116 Sent to the Tower 
 417 Our Wife- 
 ly Bamboozling 
 
 419 Monsieur Jacqaes 
 
 420 Lucille 
 VOLUME 29. 
 
 421 Young&Handsorae 
 
 422 Harlequin Aladdin 
 123 Conrad and Medora 
 424 Family Failing(A) 
 4 25 Crinoline 
 
 *26 Captains not aMise 
 4 27 Housekeeper 
 
 l28Night atNottingHilf 
 
 429 Bird in the Hand, 
 worth two in the Bush 
 
 430 Jews Daughter 
 
 431 Ruth Oakley 
 i32DumbMaidofGenoa 
 
 433 Fraud ft its Victims 
 
 434 Angel or Devil 
 
 435 GwynnethVaugbae 
 VOLUME 30 
 
 436Life'3Trial[therhead 
 437MyFriendfromLea . 
 438 Queen of Arragon 
 439Spleu;lidInvestment 
 
 440 Lend me 5*. 
 
 441 Castle Specire 
 442KingO'TooleKGooge 
 
 413 Lord Lovell and 
 Nancy Bell 
 
 444 Don't lend your 
 • Umhrella 
 
 445 Wicked Wife 
 
 446 Cfcniet Family^ A 
 
 447 Charles 2nd. 
 
 448 A* a: aura 
 
 449 Momentum* Qne«tiae 
 45u Robert Mafaire 
 
 VOLUME Ti 
 
 451 DouhleFace iPeople 
 
 452 Fear!"uiTraaedy,in 
 
 453 Douglas [the7Diali' 
 
 454 Governors Wife 
 
 455 Kiiu Lsar [hi«Ca«il« 
 
 456 Englishman's H'mw 
 
 457 BearHanie'r* I [Monkey 
 
 458 Jack Robinson & his 
 459Roben the Devil(Opera) 
 4G0 Lugartothe Mulatto 
 
 461 My Son Diana 
 
 462 Husband for an Hon* 
 
 463 Sarah's Young Man 
 46i Lillian Gervawe 
 4:65 Sarah the Creole 
 
 VOLUME 32. 
 
 466 Mane Dncange 
 
 467 Jenny Poster 
 
 468 Wilful Murder 
 
 469 Omnibus (The,) 
 
 470 Rakes Progress 
 
 471 Loves Telegraph 
 
 472 Norma (Opera. )ls 
 
 473 Venice Preserved 
 
 474 Masaniello (Olympie 
 
 475 Victims 
 
 476 Jeannette's Wedding 
 
 477 William Tell Tratestie 
 473 Frederick of Prussia 
 
 479 Marble Bride 
 
 480 Was I to Blame! 
 
 VOLUME 33. 
 
 481 Q t. Mary's Eve 
 
 482 Friend Waggle* 
 
 483 Michael Erie 
 
 484 Marrha Willie 
 
 485 Nothing to Nurs* 
 
 486 Leading Strings 
 437 Sudden Thoughts 
 188 Rival*. 
 
 489 Drapary Question 
 
 490 A Serious Affair 
 
 491 Two Gay Deceiver* 
 
 492 Jewess 
 
 493 Lady of the Lake. 
 
 414 Oliver Twist 
 495 Pair of Pigeons (A 
 
 I 
 
 
 Mrs. Crowe's Play — The Cruel Kindness, 6d. 
 
SiX?E!MOE %kGH~PosS-free,and afatt BooUd 
 
 VOLUME 84. 
 49$ Elfen Wareham. 
 497 Brother Ben 
 493 Take Care of Dowb.— 
 
 499 What will they say at 
 Bromptoa 
 
 500 London Assurance Is. 
 
 501 Lalla Rookh 
 
 502 Unfinished Gentleman 
 
 503 Boots at the Swan 
 
 504 Harlequin NoveUy 
 
 505 Dead Shot 
 
 506 Irish Tiger 
 
 507 Day well Spent 
 508Cnrefor Heart Ache | 
 509 Wandering Boys 
 
 310 Lady of Lyons Travestie 
 
 VOLUME 35. 
 511 Love Knot 
 5l*2Much ado aba* tNothing 
 
 513 Ticklish Times 
 
 514 Lucky Hit (A) 
 
 515 Faint Heart never 
 
 won Fair Lady**, 
 
 516 Double Dummy 
 
 517 Spectre Bridegroom 
 
 518 Birth Place of Podgert. 
 
 519 Crossing the Line 
 
 520 Children of the Castle 
 
 521 Nothing venture 
 
 nothing- win 
 522 Fra Diavolo Burlesque 
 
 523 Margaret CaU-hpoie 
 
 524 My Wife* Deotist 
 
 525 Schoolfellows 
 
 VOLUME 36. 
 
 526 Marriage a Lottery 
 
 527 Your Likeness One 
 Shilling 
 
 5£S Pluto and Proserpine 
 
 529 Samuel in Search of 
 
 530 TwelfthNi rfa t, r KimseM 
 581 Doubtful Victory (A) 
 So? S loose Exchange (The) 
 533 Bride of Abydo 8 
 
 (burlesque) 
 -5S4 Ginsj Farmer 
 S35 Veteran of 10*2 The ) 
 526 Dying for Lov»«— 
 887 Pierett* 
 S3 8 Irish Tctor 
 
 539 Woodmin'af 
 54QKingReae's 
 VOLUME 
 541 Going to the 
 543 Elixer ofLo 
 
 543 Matrimony 
 
 544 Going to the 
 
 545 Last of the P 
 
 546 Nell Gwynn 
 
 547 Henry 4th, J__ 
 
 548 Catherine Howar 
 
 549 Sheep inWolfs Cloth 
 
 550 Tempest (ing 
 
 551 Bonnie Fishwife 
 
 552 Maid and Magpie 
 
 Burlesque 
 
 553 A Twice Told Tale 
 
 554 My Aunt's Husband 
 
 555 "Wooing in Jest&c. 
 VOLUME 36 . 
 
 556 Tide of Time 
 
 557 Little Savage 
 
 558 Jessie Brown 
 55 9 Harold Hawk 
 
 560 Othello Travestie 
 
 561 King John 
 
 562 Old Honesty 
 
 563 33 Next Birthday 
 £64 Porter's Knot 
 
 565 Vun'CharlouesMaid 
 556 Kenilworth Burlesq. 
 567 Woman of World 
 56S Milliner's Holiday 
 
 559 Rule of Tbree 
 Poor Pilhcoddv 
 VOLUME 39. 
 A Life's Rerenge 
 iron Chest 
 Captain Charlotte 
 Y..ung Mother 
 Nervous Man 
 
 576 Henry the Fifth 
 
 577 Poor Gentleman 
 
 578 Midnight Watch 
 
 579 Sai ana? 
 
 580 child of the Wreck 
 
 581 RipVan Winkle(Op.) 
 
 582 Catching an Heiress 
 
 583 Vandyke Brown 
 
 584 Jane Shore 
 
 585 Electra 
 
 _Jj8SS 
 
 ,»S. RY 0F CONGRESS 
 
 57a 
 
 571 
 572 
 573 
 5?4 
 575 
 
 014 528 446 6 
 
 596 Julias Caesar 
 
 597 Three Cackoos 
 
 598 Whitefriars 
 
 599 Rifle Volunteers 
 
 500 Nine Point* of the aw 
 VOLUME 41. 
 
 601 Olympic Revels 
 
 602 Olympic Devils 
 6>3 Deep Deep >ea 
 
 604 Caught by the Ears 
 
 605 Retained'for Defence 
 
 606 If the Cap fits— 
 
 607 How's yoar Uncle 
 
 608 Three Red Men 
 
 609 Tom Cringle 
 
 610 School for Ccquett 
 
 611 Ruthven 
 
 612 Babes in the Wood 
 
 613 Water Witches 
 
 614 Pavableon Deman 
 
 615 Old Offender (An) 
 
 VOL.42. 
 
 616 Extremes Is. 
 
 617 Road to Ruin 
 
 618 House or the Home 
 
 619 Artful Dodge 
 
 620 Chevalier MasonRouge 
 
 621 John Bull 
 
 622 Love and Fortune 
 r>23 Rifle & how to use it 
 
 624 Love and Hunger 
 
 625 Peggy Green (Nature 
 
 626 Too much tor Good 
 
 627 Virginus Burlesque 
 
 628 Dick Tnrpin 
 
 629 MrfgicToys 
 
 630 Hnivei «he unknown 
 
 VOLUME 43. 
 
 631 The Fool's Revenge Is. 
 
 632 Husband 10 order 
 
 Vii 
 
 Ni 
 
 Ev 
 
 Shs 
 
 Go 
 
 t Ra 
 
 W Tell 
 
 o*6 Ny 
 
 644 Al 
 
 615 Ja> 
 
 
 The Comical Tragedy of 
 PUNCH AND JUDY 
 
 With 24 Illustrations by GEORGE CRUIK8HANK 
 account of its origin and history. — One Shilling* 
 
 Memoirs of RICHABD^LJl^~SHIEL, Orato 
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