''v'T«i>':o :^s r^Tii \Tn TJInnn rvnliniiirQil )Ten Nights in a Bar Room. The Bottle. m rlRyS hXCMEPfl. jxhe Drunkard's Doom. The Drnnkard. Pi ice 15 Cents Each. No. XXXVIII. FRENCJJI5 STANDARD DRAMA. THE CLANDESTINE MAMIAGE % Comcbji, IN FIVE ACTS ' BY GEORGE dOLMAN, THE ELDER. WITH THE STAGE BUSINESS, CAST OF CHARAC- TERS, COSTUMES, RELATIVE POSITIONS, ETC. NEW YORK : SAMUEL FRENCH 122 Nassau Stretst, (Up Stairs.) BOOKS EVE.UY AMATEUR SHOULD HAVE. AH.tTEUR'Sl GUIDE ; or, How to Get np Home Theatricals and to .4ct in Them, with Rules, By- Laws, Select*.! Scenes, Plava and other n.ieful infurmation for Amatenr Societiea. Price 25 cts. GUIDE TO THK ST.IGK. 15 cents. AUT OF ACTING. 15 cents. I Anything on tfiis cover sent by mail on receipt of price. FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAM 1 Pricjfi 1 ?> Ofinta each. — Bound Volumes $1. 25. VOL 1 Ion I a Faiio I 3 The Lady o i Richelieu 5 The Wife fi The Honeyi 7 The School 8 Money I VOL,! 9 The Strang! 10 Grandfathei 11 Eiohard III; 12 Love's Sacrj 13 The Games! 1* A Cure for tl 15 The HunchI: 16 Don Csesar ' VOL.; 1 1 The Poor G 18 Hamlet 19 Charles II I 20 Venice PreiJ 31 Pizarro ! 22 The Lore C* 23 Othello i'loprictor and Magas'cr Mr. LTiSTER W^LL.^iJK. Doors (>ii|fc at 7:31. Coiuui^ccs at SA-, XliirtieWj and last wue.TlJui oilo ^^' ot iJr. series tions. SATURDAY, M.ir aSl, ISTt MATINEE at I ::^U and EVKNTNsi at'B o'clock^ •will be presented the celebrate i Ooniedy oi tiie CLANDIijTi.NK MAltKlAi? v Lovii Ogleby '.Mr. John ^'il'- ; C.iiilou , .Mr. Jnhn Bki, , , ii nisa IM r. ii arj-y i , . , , i.'i\ewell -.-...Xtr. ICd ward '.ni : 1 w feierlinii- ' ..Aii-. J W. i;;i i r. >! r John MelviUe.-, .-. .Mr. .W. J. J'ert,iis:, '■'■ 1 -s Merlins • '• -Wi::'s Jeilreys )> ,■ i -Mrs. Heidelberg..' AiniV. i o:;i- Fanny .SlerUnfT Miss Dora liuriithwar i'iUiny .Sler ■•Irs. Tru.siv 24 Lend me PiU u- VOL. IV. 25 Virginius 26 King of the Com 27 London Assuraoi 28 The Bent Day 29 Two Gentlemen ofVerona 30 The Jealous Wife 31 The Rivals 32 Perfection VOL. V. [Debts 33 A New Way to Pay Old 34 Look Before You Leap 35 King John 36 Nervous Man 37 Damon and Pythias 38 Clandestine Marriage 39 William Tell 40 Day after the Wedding VOL. VI. 41 Speed the Plough 42 Romeo and Juliet 43 Feudal Times 44 Charles the Twelfth 45 The Bridal 46 The Follies of a Night 47 Iron Chest [Pair Lady 48 Faiut Heart Never Won VOL. VII. 49 Road to Ruin 50 Macbeth 51 Temper 52 Evadne 53 Bertram 54 The Duenna 55 Much Ado About Nothing 56 The Critio VOL. VIII. 57 The Apostate 58 Twelfth Night 59 Brulus 60 .Simpson & Co 61 Merchant of Venice 62:ild Heads* Toung Hearts 63 Mountaineers [r\a.ge 64 Three Weeks after Ma VOL. IX. 65 Love 66 As Yau Like It 67 The Elder Brother 68 Werner 69 Gisippus 70 Town and Country 71 King Lear 72 Blue Devils VOL. X. 73 Henry VIII 74 Married and Single 75 Henry IV 76 Paul Pry 77 Guy Mannering 78 Sweethearts and Wives 79 Serious Family 80 She S*oops to Conquer Bla ivetty Mi.ss .Mmni. Ohambeimaid Miss /•^sl.elle . II Tlie programme lor the final weeli ot the presti. • soji will bo i:.Aii.I K.C>„ J»\ U. 4Xiy^44 'A'iiJjgp,. VOL. XIV 105 Game of Love 106 Midsummer Night's 107 Ernestine [Dream 108 Riig Picker of Paris 109 Plying Dutchniau 110 Hypocrite HI Therese 112 La Tourde Nesle VOL. XV. 113 Ireland As It Is 114 Sea of Ice 115 Seven Clerks 116 Game of Life 117 Forty Thieves 118 Bryan Boroihme 119 Romance and Reality 120 Ugolino VOL. XVL 121 The Tempest 122 The Pilot 123 Carpenter of Rouen 124 Kings Rival 125 Little Treasure 126 Dombey and Son 127 Parents and Guardians 128 Jewess VOL. XVII 129 Camille 130 Married Life 131 Weulock of Wenlock 132 Rose of Ettrickvale 133 David Copperfleld \M Aline, or the Rose of 135 Pauline [Killarne^ 136 Jane Eyre VOL. XVIII. 137 Night and Morning 138iEthiop 139 Three Guardsmen 140 Tom Cringle 141 Heuriette, the Forsaken 142 Eustache Baudin 143 Ernest Maltravera 144 Bold Dragoons VOL. XIX. 145 Dred, or the Dismitl Swamp 146 Last Days of Pompeii 147 Esmeralda 148 Peter Wilkins 149 Ben the Boatswain 150 Jonathan Bradford 151 Retribution 152 Mineral! VOL. XX, 153 French Spy 154 Wept of Wishton Wii 155 Evil Genius 156 Ben Bolt 157 Sailor of France 158 Red Mask 1.59 Life of an Actress 160 Wedding Day VOL. XXIV. 185 Young New York 186 The Victims 187 Romance after Marriage 188 Brigand 189 Poor of New York 190 Ambrose Gwinett 191 Raymond and Agnes 192 Gambler's Fate VOL. XXV. 193 Father and Son 194 Massaniello 195 Sixteen String Jack 196 Youthful Queen 197 Skeleton Witness 198 Innkeeper of Abbeville 199 Wilier and his Men 200 Aladdin VOL. XXVI. 201 Adrienne the Actress 202 Undine !03 Jessie Brown 204 Asmodeus jW5 i-'ormons 206 Blanche of Brandywine 207 Viola 208 Deseret Deserted VOL XXVII. 209 Americans in Paris 210 Victorine 211 Wizard of the Wave 212 Castle Spectre 213 Horseshoe Robinson 214 Armand, Mrs Mowatt 215 Fashion, Mrs Mowalt .'.6 Glance at New York VOL. X.-^VIII. 217 Inconstant -'18 Uncle Tom's Cabin 2l9 Guide to the Stage ■220 Veteran ■221 Miller of New Jersey Dark Hour before Dawn 223 Midsum'rNighfs Dream (Laura Keeno's Edition 24 Art and Artifice VOL. XXIX 225 Poor Young Man 226 Ossawaitomie Brown 227 Pope of Rome I'ii Oliver Twist 229 Pauvrette 30 Man in the Iron Mask 231 Knight of .irva 232 Moll Pitcher VOL, XXX'. 233 Black Eyed Susan 234 Satan in Paris :35 Rosina Meadows [ess 236 West End, or Irish Heir- 237 Six Degrees of Crime 238 The Lady and the Devil 39 Avenger,or Moorof Sici- 40 Masks and Faces {Catalogue, continued on third page of cover.) I VOL. XXXI. 1241 Merry Wives of Win ■242 Mary' a Birthday 243 Shandy Maguire 244 Wild Oats 245 Michael Erie 246 Idiot Witness j47 Willow Copse f48 People's Lawyer VOL. XXXII. ;49 The Boy Martyrs 1:50 Lncretia Borgia 51 Surgeon cl Paris 52 Patrician's Daughte 53 Shoemaker of Toulo i 54 Momentous Questio: [55 Love and Loyalty ,i56 Bobber's Wife I VOL. XXXIII. 57 Dumb Girl of Geno >58 Wreck Ashore ii'll l59Clari Mi 1 50 Rural Felicity (■• .; 151 Wallace -.J V 52 Madelaine 53 The Fireman i64 Grist to the Mill VOL. XXXIV. 265 Two Loves and a I.I 266 Annie Blake 267 Steward 268 Captain Kyd 269 Nick of the Woods 270 Marble Heart 271 Second Love 272 Dream at Sea VOL. XXXV. 273 Breach of Promise 274 Review 275 Lady of the Lake 276 Still Water Runs De 271 The Scholar 278 Helping Hands 279 Faust and Marguerit 280 Last Man VOL. XXXVI. 281 Belle's Stratagem 282 Old and Young 283 Raffaella 284 Ruth Oakley ■285 British Slave 280 A Life's Ransom 287 Giralda 288 Time Tries All VOL. XXXVII. 289 Ella Rosenburg 290 Warlock of the Glei 291 Zelina 292 Beatrice 293 Neighbor Jackwood ■294 Wonder 9u> Itohei t Rmmet 296 Green Bushes VOL. XXXVIII. 297 Flowers of the Forei 98 A Bachelor of Arts 99 The Midnight Banqui 300 Husband of an Houi 301 Love's Labor Lost 302 Naiad Queen 303 Caprice 304 Cradle of Liberty VOL. XXXIX. 305 The Lost Ship 306 Country Squire 307 Fraud and its Viotlr 308 Putnam 309 King and Deserter 310 La Fiammina 31 1 A Hard Struggle 312 Gwinnttte Vaughan VOL. XL. 313 The Love Knot |Ji 314 Lavater, or Not a 315 The Noble Heart 316 Coriolanus 317 The Winter's Tala 31SEveleen Wilson 319 Ivanhoe 320 Jonathan in Englai No. XXXVIII. FREr^CH'S STANDARD DRAMA THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. ^ CHomclin IN FIVE AC .'S. BY GEORGE COLMAN. THE ELDER, ft'lTH THE STAGE BUSINESS, CAST OF CIIARACTERS, COS- TUMES, RELATIVE POSITIONS. &c. NEW YORK: SAMUEL FRENCH, PUBLISHER ^ 122 Nassau Street, (Up Stairs.) ■^lS2 W(«'^'^ CAST OF CHARACTERS. Covent Garden, 182i. Paik May, Idil LordOgleby Mr.W. Karren. Mr. Plucide. Sir John Melvil •• Baker. " Abbott. Sterling " Fawcett. " Bellamy. Lovcwell •' Cooper. " Lovell. Canton " Yates. " Fisher. Brush " Jones. " E.Shaw Sergeant Flower " Clareraont. Traverse Trueman " Mears. John (a Servant) " Heath. " Iting. Mrs. Heidelberg Mrs. Davenport. Mrs. Verncn. Miss Sterling " Faucit. Mrs. Hunt. Fanny Miss Jones. Miss Buloid. Betty Mrs. Knight. Cnambermaid Mrs. Lovell. Trusty Miss Bedford. *»* In order to abridge the time of the representation of this piece, the parts of Sergeant Floiccr and his legal companions are now ucually omitted. COSTUMES. LORD OGLEBY. — First dress : — Flowered satin dressing-gown, a bow of wliit* satin riband on his head. Second dress: — Full court dress, with spangles. &c. SIR JOHN MF.LVIL. — Dress hat, blue dress coat, white waistcoat, white breeches, white silk stockings, and shoes. STERLING. — Cocked hat, brown coat, waistcoat, and breeches ; white stockings, and shoes. LOVEWELL. — Round black hat, blue coat, white waistcoat, black breeches, black silk stockings, and shoes. ~ CANTON.— First dress :—Coc\ieA hat, light coat trimmed with black, a belt, huge French postillion's boots, his hair in papers. Second dress: — White coat, light drab breeches, very short at the knees, light and s-potted silk stockings and shoes. BRUSH. — Olive green coat, buff waistcoat, flesh coloured breeches, and silk stock- ings, and shoes. MRS. HEIDELBERG.— First rfress.— Dark flowered gown, a flat and very wide gipsy hat. Second dress: — Flowered silk gown (very large pattern) trimmed with scarlet, ruflles, high cap, and long fliers. Third dress : — Common robe-de- chambre, &c. MISS STERLING.— White satin. FANNY. — White muslin, trimmed with white satin. BETTY. — Flowered cotton gown, black silk apron. EXITS AND ENTRANCES. R. means Right; L. Lefi: R. D. Right Door; L. D. Left Door p. E Second Entrance ; U. E. Upper Entrance; M. D. Middle Dooi RELATIVE POSITIONS. 5., means Right; h., Left ; C, Centre; R. Q., Right 0/ Centre, L. C, Left of Centre. li.B. Passages marked with Inverted Commas, are usually omitted in the representation. C3»FT EST. OF J. H. CORNING JUNE 2C. 1940 EDITORIAL INTRODUCTION. As a finished specimen of dramatic art, the comedy of " The Clandestine Marriage" holds a very high rank. Mr. Peake, tlie biographer of the Colmans, says it may be put, in the list of the acting drama, next in merit to the " School for Scandal" : and though we are somewhat doubtful as to the justice of this classi- fication, we cannot pronounce the estimate an extravagant one. The title-page of the original edition of the comedy bears the names of George Colman and David Garrick as the authors ; but there can be little doubt that by far the greater part of it was written b}'' the former. Garrick, though possessing some of the most essential qualities of the successful playwright, had not much true literary ability ; while CoLman was not only an ac- complished writer, but a good classical scholar. The whole out- line of the plot of this piece appears to have been his, as well as the idea of the principal characters. In a letter to Garrick in- closing a rough draft of the general scheme of the play, together with loose hints of acts and scenes, Colman, after giving a pretty clear foreshadowing of the story as it now stands, concludes by remarking : " Of the denouement I have not as yet even con- ceived those imperfect ideas I have got of some other parts. Think of the whole : and think in my train, if it appears worth while ; and when you have thrown your thoughts on paper as I have mine, we will lay our heads together. Brother Bayes." Upon the subject of Garrick's dramatic partnership, George Colman the Younger communicates the following facts : " In respect to the report of Garrick having written the entire cha- racter of Lord Ogleby, my father once told me it was not true ; that, as an instance to the contrary, he (my father) wrote the vshole of Ogleby's first scene. He also informed me that one of IV EDITORIAL INTRODL CTION, Garrick's greatest merits in tliis work (and it is a great one), was planning the incidents in the last act ; the alarm of the families through the moans of Mrs. Heidelberg and Miss Sterling, and bringing forward the various characters from their beds to pro duce an explanation, and the catastrophe. I regret that when my father imparted this, I did not make further inquiry ; but I was then ' a moonish youth', and troubled my head little or no- thing about the matter. He always talked, however, of the play, as a joint production. Dramatic connoisseurs maj' discover the styles of authors ; and there are few such connoisseurs who will not, I think, be of my opinion, that far the greater part of the dialogue in this comedy came from my father's pen, rather than that of Garrick." The part of Lord Ogieby having been intended for Garrick, his refusal to play it seems to have protiueed a temporary inter- ruption of friendly feeling between him and Colman. But real infirmities had incapacitated the great actor from representing fictitious ones ; and dreading to encounter the fatigues of sue cessive performances, he resigned the part to King, who acquired deserved celebrity in it, and vindicated the propriety of his se- lection. But the most distinguished representative of this cha- racter is Mr. Farren, whose personation, according to the unani- mous testimony of his critics, is one of the most perfect pictures that the stage has ever offered. The character itself is drawn with consummate skill, and carefully perfected. It is unecjual led in its excellence among the list of superannuated beaus and ancient rakes, which the drama can show. " Judgment, origi- nality, and fidelity, are combined in the delineation ; and chough the old lord's follies and foibles be in themselves sufficiently des- picable, yet by investing him with generous and humane prin- ciples, he is preserved from our contempt." "This comedy," says Richard Cumberland, "is one of the most pleasing and legitimate in our language. It does not sj)ar- kle with brilliant, but misplaced wit ; it does not convulse us by the distortions of bufibonery, nor startle us by extravagance of incident or character ; but the genuine taste that can pardon the absence of these modern beauties, will find abundant compensa- tion in its rature, ease, and temperate vivacity. As long as EDITORIAL INTRODUCTION. V tliese qualivies maintain their attraction, Tlie Clandestine INIar- riage will support its high reputation." The "Clandestine Marriage" was originally produced at JDrury Lane Theatre early in 1766, and had a remarka'?)ly suc- cessful run. Farren's Lord Oglcby is still one of the most at- tractive personations of the London stage. In view of the emi- nent merits of this comedy as an acting piece, it is a little sur prising that it is not oftener performed in this country. Ts the absence of a great Lord Oglehy the cause ? Yet both Placide and Burton are fully competent to the part. The late Mr. Finn would have played it to perfection. He was the best antiquated beau we have ever seen. The comic characters of the play are drawn with much neat- ness and skill. Canton is the most amusing of parasites ; and the passages between him and his venerable coxcomb of a master, are buoyant with humour and vivacity, and tell well in the re- presentation. Mrs. Heidelberg is the prototype of Sheridan's Mrs. Malaprop ; but she is a character little known and ajjpre- ciated out of English society. The impudent valet, Brush, seems to have suggested the not dissimilar character of 7V?p, in the " School for Scandal." His aping of his master's foibles and vices tends to expose their genuine absurdity, and contributes to the truthful effect of the whole dramatic grouping. The charac ter of Sterling is sketched with great spirit, and is not without its parallels even in our own day and country. In conclusion we may remark, that there are few comedies that will better bear a searching critical analysis of their dramatic merits than the " Clandestine Marriage." Perhaps the one great defect of the plot is the absence of a clearly adequate mo- tive for the concealment of the marriage ; and Sir John Melvit very justly intimates at the close, that a little candour on the part of the married pair would have saved a world of perplexit} and uneasiness. But then that very perplexity was essential t< the dramatist's purposes. The error lay in not making its neces sity greater and more obvious. • Tr.B CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. ACT I. Scene 1. — A Room in Sterling's House. — Miss Fanny and Betty meeting. Enter Betty. Betty. Ma'am ! Miss Fanny ! Ma'am ! Fanny, What's the mattei', Betty 1 Betty, (c) Oh, la ! ma'am ! as sure as I'm alive, hero 13 your husband — Fanny. Hush! my clear Betty ; if anybody in the houso should hear you, I am ruined. Betty. Mercy on me ! it has frightened me to such ade gree, that my heart is come up to my mouth. — But as 1 was a-sayino^, ma'am, here's that dear, sweet — Fanny. Have a care, Betty. Betty. Lord ! I am bewitched, I think — But as I was a-saying, ma'am, here's Mr. Lovewell just come from Lon- don. Fanny. Indeed ! Betty. Yes, indeed, and indeed, ma'am, he is ! I saw him crossing the court-yard in his boots. Fanny. I am glad to hear it. — But pray, now, my dear Betty, be cautious. Don't mention that word again, on any account. You know we have agreed never to drop any expressions of that sort, for fear of an accident. Betty. Dear ma'am, you may depend upon me. Tliere is not a more trustier creature on the face of the earth, than I am. Though I say it, I am as secret as the grave — and if it's never told till I tell it, it may remain untold tilldoom's-day for Betty. 8 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act 1 Fanny. I know you are faithful — but in our circum stances, we cannot be too careful. Hetty. Very true, ma'am ! and yet I vow and protest there's more plague than pleasure with a secret ; espe cially if a body mayn't mention it to four or five of one'? particular acquaintance. Fanny. Do but keep this secret a little while lunger and then, I hope, you may mention it to anybody. — Mr Lovevvell will acquaint the family with the nature of our situation as soon as possible. Betty. The sooner the better, I believe ; for if he does not tell it, there's a little tell-tale I know of, will come and tell it for him. Fanny. Fie, Betty ! [ BhisJiing. Betty. Ah ! you may well blush. — But you're not so sick, and so pale, and so wan, and so many qualms — Fanny. Have done ! I shall be quite angry with you. Betty. Angry ! — Bless the dear puppet ! I am sure I shall love it as much as if it was my own. — I meant no harm, heaven knows. Fanny. Well, say no more of this — it makes me uneasy. All I have to ask of you is, to be faithful and secret, and not to reveal this matter, till we disclose it to the family ourselves. Betty. Me reveal it ! If I say a word, T wish I inay be burned. 1 would not do you any harm for the world — And as for Mr. Lovewell, I am sure 1 have loved the dear gentleman ever since he got a tide-waiter's place for my brother — But let me tell you both, you must leave oft' your soft looks to each other, and your whispers, and your glances, and your always sitting next to one another at dinner, and your long walks together in the evenings. For my part, if I had not been in the secret, I should have known you were a pair of lovers, at least, if not man aiid wife, as — Fanny. See there, now ! again. Pray be careful. Betty. Well — well, nobody heai's me. Man and wife — I'll say no more — what I tell you is very true, for all that. Loveicell. [Calling; witltout, l.] William ! Betty. Hark! I hear y^ur husband — Fanny What ! Scene I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 9 Betty. I say, here comes Mr. Lovewell — Mind tho cau- cion I give you — I'll be whipped, now, if you are not the first person he sees or speaks to in the family. However, if you choose it, it's nothing at all to me — as you sow, you must reap — as you bi'ew, so you must bake. I'll e'en slip down the back stairs, and leave you together. [Exit, n. Fanny. I see, 1 see 1 shall never hg,ve a moment's ease till our marriage is made public. New distresses crowd in upon me every day. The solicitude of my mind sinks my spirits, preys upon my health, and destroys every com- fort of my life. It shall be revealed, let what will be the consequence Enter Lovewell. l. Lav. My love ! How's this 1 In tears 1 — Indeed, this is too much. You promised me to» support your spirits, and to wait the determination of our fortune with })a- tience. For my sake, for your own, be comforted ! — Why will you study to add to our uneasiness and jierplcx- ity ? Fanny. Oh, Mr. Lovewell ; the indelicacy r)f w secret marriage grows every day more and more shocking to me. I walk about the house like a guilty wretch : 1 ima ginc myself the object of the suspicion of the whole f;x- mily ; and am under the pei-petual terrors of a shameful detection. Lov. Indeed, indeed, you are to blame. The amiable delicacy of your temper, and your quick sensibility, only serve to make you unhappy. To clear up this afiair pro- perly to Mr. Sterling, is the continual employment of my thoughts. Everything now is in a fair train. It begins to grow ripe for a discovery ; and I have no doubt of its concluding to the satisfaction of ourselves, of your father, and the whole family. Fanny. End how it will, I am resolved it shall end soon — very soon — I would not live another week in this agony of mind, to be mistress of the universe. Lov. Do not be too violent, neither. Do not let us dis- turb the joy of your sister's marriage with the tumiilt this matter may occasion ! — I have brought letters from Lord Ogleby and Sir John Melvil to Mr. Sterling. — They will be here this evening — and 1 dare say, within this hour. 10 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [ACT I. Fanny. I am sorry for it. Lov. Why so % Fannif. No matter — Only let us disclcse oui marriage immediately ! Lov. As soon as possible. Fanny. But directly. Lov. In a few days, you may depend upon it. Fanny. To-night — or to-morrow morning. Lov. That, 1 fear, will be impracticable. Fanny. Nay, but you must. Lov. Must! Why? Fanny. Indeed you must. I have the most alarming reasons for it. Lov. Alarming indeed ! for they alarm me, even before I am acquainted with them. What are they 1 Fanny. I cannot tell you. Lov. Not tell me 1 Fanny. Not at present. When all is settled, you shall be acquainted with evei'ything. Lov. Sorry they are coming ! — Must be discovered ! — What can all this mean 1 — Is it possible you can have any reasons that need be concealed from me 1 Fanny. Do not disturb yourself with conjectures — but rest assured, that though you are unable to divine the cause, the consequence of a discovery, be what it will, cannot be attended with half the miseries of the present interval. Lor. You put me upon the rack. I would do anything to make you easy — But you know your father's temper. Money (you will excuse my fi-ankness) is the spring of all his actions, which nothing but the idea of acquiring nobi- lity or magnificence can ever make him forego — and these he thinks his money will purchase. — l^ou know too your aunt's (Mrs. Heidelberg's) notions of the splendour of high life, her contempt for everything that does not re- lish of what she calls quality ; and that from the vast for- tune in her hands, by her late husband, she absolutely go- verns Mr. Sterling and the whole family : now, if they ''omc to the knowledge of this affair too abruptly, they might, perhaps, be incensed beyond all hopes of reconci liation. Fanny But if they are made acquainted with it other- SrT.NEl.] THE CLANDEST NE MARRIAGE. 11 wise than by ourselves, it will be ten times worse : and a discovery grows eveiy day more probable. The whole family have long suspected our affection. We are also in the power of a foolish maid-servant; and if we may even depend on her fidelity, we cannot answer for her dis- cretion. Discover it, therefore, immediately, lest some accident should bring it to light, and involve us in addi- tional disgrace. Lov. Well, well — I mean to discover it soon, but would not do it precipitately. I have more than once sounded Mr. Sterling about it, and will attempt him more seriously the next opportunity. But my principal hopes are these: My relationship to Lord Ogleby, and his having placed me with your father, have been, you know, the first link in the chain of this connexion between the two families ; in consequence of which, I am at present in high favour with all parties : while they all remain thus well-affected to me, I propose to lay our case before the old lord ; and if I can prevail on him to mediate in this affair, I make no doubt but he will be able to appease your father ; and, being a lord and a man of quality, I am sure he may bring Mrs. Heidelberg into good humour at any time. Let me beg you, therefore, to have but a little patience, as, you see, we are upon the very eve of a discovery, that must probably be to our advantage. Fatmif. Manage it your own way. I am persuaded. Lor. iJut in the mean lirne make yourself easy. Fanny. As easy as I can, I will. We had better not r^- main together any longer at present. Think of this busi- ness, and let me know how you proceed. Liov. Depend on my care. But, pray, be cheerful. Fanny. I will. [Go/wj^ r. meets Sterling entering. Ster. (r.) Hey-day ! who have we got here 1 Fanny. \ Corifuscd.] Mr. Lovewell, sir. Ster. And where are you going, hussey I Fanny. To my sister's chamber, sir. [Exit, u. Ster. (r.. c.) Ah, Lovewell ! What! always g-etting my foolish girl yonder in the corner] Well, well — let us nut once see her eldest sister fast mairied to Sir John Mel- vil, we'll soon provide a good husband for Fanny, I war- rant you. Lor. (c.) Would to heaven, sir, you would provide her >ne of my recommendation ! 12 THE CLANDESTINE MARKIAGE. fACT I Ste7\ Yourself? eh, Lovewell! Lov. With your pleasure, sir ! Ster. Mighty well ! Lov. And I flatter myself, that s. cli a proposal Vtrould not be very disagreeable to Miss Fanny. S/cr, Better and better ! Lov. And if I could but obtain your consent, sir — Ster. What ! you marry Fanny ! — no, no — that will ne- ver do, Lovewell ! You are a good boy, to be sure ; 1 have a great value for you — but can't think of you for a Bon-in-lavv, There's no stuff in the case, no money, Love well. LoiK My pretensions to fortune, indeed, are but mode- rate ; but though not equal to splendour, sufficient to keep us above distress. Add to which, that I hope by diligence to increase it ; and have love, honour — Ster. But not the stuff, Lovewell ! Add one little round to the sum total of your fortune, and that will be the finest thing you can say to me. You know I've a regard for you — would do any thing to serve you — any thing on the footing of friendship — but — Lov. If you think me worthy of your friendship, sir, be assured that there is no instance in which I should rate your friendship so highly. Ster. Psha ! psha ! that's another thing, you know. Where money or interest is concerned, friendship i& quite out of the question. Lov. But where the happiness of a daughter is at stake, you v/ould not scruple, sure, to sacrifice a little to her in- clinations. Ster. Inclinations ! why^ you would not persuade me that the girl is in love with you — eh, Lovewell 1 Lov. I cannot absolutely answer for Miss Fanny, sir : but I am sui'e that the chief happiness or misery of my life depends entirely upon her. Ster. Why, indeed now, if your kinsman. Lord Ogleby, would come down handsomely for you — but that's impos- sible — No, no — 'twill never do-— I must hear no more of this. Come, Lovewell, promise me that I shall hear no more of this. Lov. [Hesitating.] I am afraid, sir, T should not be able to keep my word with you. Scene I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE 13 Ster. Why you would not offer to many her without my consent ! would you, Lovewell ? Lov. Marry her, sir ! [ Confused. Ster. Ay, marry her, sir ! I know very well that a warm speech or two from puch a dangerous young spark as you are, Avould go much farther towards j^ersuading a silly girl to do what she has more than a month's mind to do, than twenty grave lectures from fathers and mothers, or uncles and aunts, to pi-event her. But you would not, sure, be such a base fellow, such a treacherous young rogue, as to seduce my daugntei s affections, and destroy the peace of my family in that manner. I must insist on it, that you give me your word not to marry her without my consent. Lov. Sir — I — I — as to that — I — I — beg, sir — Pray, sir, excuse me on this subject at present. Ster. Promise then, that you will carry this matter no fui'tlier without my approbation. Lov. You may depend on it, sir, that it shall go no fur- ther. Slcr. Well, well — that's enough — Pll take care of the rest, I warrant you. Come, come, let's have done with this nonsense. What's doing in town % Any news upon 'Change ? Lov. Nothing material. Ster. Arid how are stocks 1 Lov. Fell one and a half this morning. Ster. Well, well — some good news from America, and they'll be up again. But how are Lord Ogleby and Sir John Melvil ] When are we to expect them 1 Lov. Very soon, sir. I came on purpose to give you their commands. Here are letters from both of them. [Giving letters. Ster. Let me see — let me see — 'Slife, how his lordship's letter is perfumed ! — It takes my meath away. [Opening it.\ And French paper, too ! with a fine border of flow- ers and flourishes — and a slippery gloss on it that dazzles one's eyes. " My dear Mr. Sterling." [Reading.] Mercy on me ! His lordship writes a worse hand than a boy at his exercise. But how's this 1 Eh ! " with you to-night !" — [Reading.] — " Lawyers to-morrow morning" — that's sudden, indeed. — Where's my sister Heidelberg 1 she 14 THE CLiNDESTINE MARRUGE. [Act I should know of this immediately. Here, John ! Harry ! Thomas ! \ Calling- the &ervants.\ Hark ye, Lovewell ! Ijow Sir ! 8u-r. Mind now, how I'll entertain his lordship and Sir John — We'll shew your fellows at the other end of the town how we live in the city — They shall eat gold — and drink gold — and lie in gold — here cook ! butler ! \Calling\ What signifies your birth and education, and titles % Mo- ney, money, that's the stuff that makes the great man in this country. Lon. Very true, sir ! Ster. True, sir ! Why then have done with your non- sense of love and matrimony. You're not rich enough to think of a wife yet. A man of business should mind no- thing but his business. — Where are these fellows % John ! Thomas! \Callivo.\ Get an estate, and a wife will follow of course. — All ! Lovewell ! an English merchant is the most respectable character in the universe. 'Slife, man^ a rich English merchant may make himself a match for the daughter of a nabob. Where are all my rascals ? Here, William ! [Exit, calling, r. Loo. [c. aJonc] So — as I suspected — quite averse to the match, and likely to receive the news of it with great displeasure. What's best to be done 1 Let me see ! Sup- Dose I get Sir John Melvil to interest himself in this affair. He may mention it to Lord Ogleby with a better grace than I can, and more probably prevail on him to interfere in it. Poor Fanny ! It hurts me to see her so uneasy, and her making a mystery of the cause adds to my anxie- ty. Something must be done on her account ; for, at all events, her solicitude shall be removed. [Exit, R. SCENE II. — Another Apartment. Miss Sterling and Miss Fanny sitting. Miss Ster. [Both rise.] Oh, my dear sister, say no more ! This is downright hypocrisy. You shall never convince nic that you don't envy me beyond measure. Well, after all, it is extremely natural — it is impossible to be angry with you. Fanny, (a. c.) Indeed, sister, you have no cause. Scf:NElI.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 15 Miss S(cr. (i.. c. And you really pretend not to envy me 1 Fanny. Not in the least. Miss Stcr. And you don't in the least wish that you wero just in my situation ] Fanny. No, indeed, I don't. Why should I 1 Miss atcr. Why should you % What ! on the brink of marriage, fortune, title — But I had forgot — There's that dear sweet creature Mr. Lovewell, in the case. You would not break your faith with your true love now for the world, I warrant you. Fanvy. Mr. Lovewell ! always Mr. Lovewell ! Lord, what signifies Mr. Lovewell, sister ] Miss Ster. Pretty peevish soul ! Oh, my dear, gi-ave, romantic sister ! a perfect philosopher in petticoats ! Love and a cottage ! Eh, Fanny — Ah, give me indifference and a coach and six ! — Fanny. And why not the coach and six without the in- difference 1 But, pray, when is this happy marriage of yours to be celebrated 1 I long to give you joy. Miss Stfr. In a day or two — I can't tell exactly — Oh, my dear sister ! — [Aside.] I must mortify her a little. — I know you have a pretty taste. Pray give m.e your opinion of my jewels. [ Uocs back to the table and returns with jew- els.] How do you like the style of this csclavage 1 [Shewing the jewels. Fanni/. Extremely handsome, indeed,, and well fancied. Miss Ster. What d'ye think of these bracelets 1 I shall have a miniature of my father set round with diamonds, to one, and Sir John's to the other. And this pair of ear- rings ! set transparent ! here, the tops, you see, will take off to wear in a morning, or in an undress — how do you like them 1 [Holding them vp. Fanny. Very much, I assure you — Bless me, sister, you have a prodigious quantity of jewels — you'll be the very queen of diamonds. Miss Ster. Ha! ha! ha! very well, my dear ! I shall be as fine as a little queen, indeed. I have a boquet to come home to-morrow — made up of diamonds, and rubies, and emeralds, and topazes, and amethysts — ^jewels of all colours, green, red, blue, yellow, intermixed — the pret- tiest thing you ever saw in your life! The jeweller says, 16 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE rAcT 1. I sliall set out with as many diamonds as anybody in town, except Lady Brilliant, and Polly — What d'ye call it, Lord Squander's kept mistress. Fuiimj. But what are your wedding-clothes, sister ? Miss Sfci\ Oh, white and silver, to be sure, you know — I bought them at Sir Joseph Lutestring's, and sat above an hour in the parlour behind the shop, consulting Lady Lutestring about gold and silver stuff's, on purpose to moi'- tify her. Fan?)//. Fie, sister ! how could you be so abominably provoking 1 JMiss Stcr. Oh, I have no patience with the pride of your city-knight's ladies — Did you ever observe the airs of La- dy Lutestring drest in the richest brocade out of her hus- band's shop, playing crown whist at Haberdasher's Hall — whilst the civil smirking Sir Joseph, with a snug wig trimmed round his broad face as close as a new-cut yew- hedge, and his shoes so black that they shine again, stands all day in his shop, fastened to his counter like a bad shil- Fannji. Indeed, indeed, sistei", this is too much — If you talk at this rate, you will be absolutely a bye-word in the city — You must never venture on the inside of Temple- Bar again. Miss Stcr. Never do I desire it — never, my dear Fan- ny, I promise you. Oh, how I long to be transported to the dear regions of Grosvenor Square — far — far from the dull districts of Aldersgate, Cheap, Candlewick, and Far- ringdon Without and VV^ithin ! Aly heart goes pit-a-pat at the very idea of being introduced at Court! gilt cha- riot! pie-balled horses — laced liveries ! and then the whis- pers buzzing round the circle — ' Who is that young lady] who is she V ' Lady Melvil, Ma'am !' Lady Melvil ! My ears tingle at the sound. And then at Dinner, in.stead of my father perpetually asking ' Any news upon 'Change V — to cry, ' Well, Sir John ! anything new from Arthur's !' — or — to say to Gome other woman of quality, ' Was your ladyship at the Duchess of Rubber's last night 1 Did you call in at Lady Thunder's 1 In the im- mensity of the crowd I swear 1 did not see you — scarce a soul at the opera, last Saturday — shall I see you at St. James's next Thursday V Oh, the dear Beau-Monde ! I was born to move in the sphere of the great world. Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, 17 Fanny. And so, in the midst of all this happir.ess, you have no compassion for me — no pity for us poor mortals in common life. Miss Stcr. \Affecte.Jh/.\ Yonl You're above pity — you would not change conditions with mc — You're over head and ears in love, you know. Nay, for that matter, if Mr. Lovewell and you come togethei-, as I doubt not you will, vou will live very comfortably, I dare say. He will mind ins business — you'll employ yourself in the delightful cure of your family — and once in a season, perhaps, you'll sit together in a front box at a benetit play, as we used to do at our dancing master's, you know — and perhaps I may meet you in the summer with some other citizens, at Tun- bridge. For my part, I shall always entertain a proper regard for my relations. You sha'n't want my counte- nance, I assure you. Fanny. Ob, you are too kind, sister ! Enter Mrs. Heidelberg, r. Mrs. Hei. \Af entering.] Here this evening! — I vow and pertest, Vv'e shall scarce have time to provide for them. — [To Miss Ster.\ Oh, my dear ! I am glad to see you're not quite in a dish-abille. Lord Ogleby and Sir John Melvil will be here to-night. [Fanny retires hacJc and sits. Miss Ster. To-night, ma'am 1 Mrs. Hei. Yes, my dear, to-night. Oh, put on a smarter cap, and change those ordinary ruffles ! — Lord, I have such a deal to do, I shall scarce have time to slip on my Italian lutestring. Where is this dawdle of a housekeeper 1 Enter Mrs. Trusty, l. Oh, here, Trusty ! do you know that peoj^le of quality are expected here this evening 1 Trusty. Yes, ma'am. Mrs. Hei. Well — Do you be sui-e, now, that every thing is done in the most genteelest manner — and to the honour 11 f the family. Trusty. Yes, ma'am. Mrs. Hei. Well — but mind what I say to you. Trusty. Yes, ma'am. Mrs. Hei. His lorcit;hip is to lie in the chintz bed-cham- ber; d'ye hear ? and Sir Jolm in the blue damask room His lordship's valet-dc-shamb in the opposite — 18 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [A«r I. Trust)/. Biit Mr. Lovewell is come down ; and you know that's his room, ma'am. Mrs. He/. Well, well ; Mr. Lovewell may make shift, or get a bed at the George. But hark ye. Trusty ! Trust}/. Ma'am ! Mrs. Hei. Get the great dining-room in order as soon as possible. Unpaper the curtains, take the kivers off" the couch and the chairs, and put the china figures on the man- tle-piece immediately, and set their heads a-nodding. Trusty. Yes, ma'am. Mrs. Hci. Be gone, then ! fly this instant. Where's my brother Sterling "? Trustij. Talking to the butler, ma'am. [Fanni/ rises and advances. Mrs. Hei. (c.) Very well, [Exit TruUy, r.J Miss Fan- ny ! I pertest 1 did not see you before. Lord, child, what's the matter with you % Fanny, (l.) With me ! Nothing, ma'am! Mrs. Hei. Bless me ! Why, your face is as pale, and black, and yellow — of fifty colours, I pertest. And then you have dressed yourself as loose, and as big — I declare there is not such a thing to be seen, now, as a young wo- man with a fine waist — You all make yourselves as round as Mrs. Deputy Barter. Go, child ! — You know the qua- laty will be here by and bye — Go, and make yourself a little more fit to be seen. [Exit Fanny, l.] She is gone away in tears — absolutely crying, I vow and pertest. This ridicalous love ! we must put a stop to it. It makes a perfect natural of the girl. Miss Stcr. {n. c.) Poor soul ! she can't help it. Mrs. Hei. Well, my dear; now I shall have an oppor- Voonity of convincing you of the absurdity of what you was telling me concerning Sir John Melvil's behaviour to you. Miss Ster. Oh, it gives me no manner of uneasiness. But, indeed, ma'am, I cannot be persuaded but that Sir John is an extremely cold lover. Such distant civility, grave looks, and lukewarm professions of esteem for me and the whole family ! I have heard of flames and darts, but Sir John's is a passion of mere ice and snow. Mrs. Hci. Oh, fie, my dear ! I am perfectly asliaiied of you. That's so like the notions of your poor sister. What Scene I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 19 you corriplain of as coldness and indifference, is nothing but the extreme gentilaty of his address, an exact pictur of tlie manners of qualaty. Miss Ster. Oh, he is the very mirror of complaisance ! full of formal bows and set speeches ! I declare, if there was any violent passion on my side, I should be quite jea- lous of him. J\Iis. Hei. T say jealus, indeed ! Jealus of who, pray] M Si Ster. My sister Fanny. She seems a much greater favourite than 1 am, and he pays her inKnitely more atten- tion, I assure you. Mrs. Hie. Lord ! dy'ye think a man of fashion, as he is, can't distinguish between the genteel and the wulgai part of the famaly 1 — Between you and your sister, for in- stance — or me and my brother ? — Be advised by me, child : It is all purliteness and good breeding. Nobody know the qualaty better than I do. Miss Ster. In my mind, the old lord, his uncle, has ten times more gallantry about him than Sir John. He is full of attentions to the ladies, and smiles, and grins, and leers, and ogles, and fills every wrinkle of his old wizen face with comical expressions of tenderness. I think he would make an admirable swecstheart. Enter Sterling, l. Sler. [En(eri?ig.] No fish ? Why, the pond was drag- ged but yesterday morning. There's carp and trench in the boat. Pox on't, if that dog Lovewell Iiad any thought, he would have brought down a turbot, or some of the land-carriage mackerel. Mrs. Hie. Lord, brother, I am afraid his lordship and Sir John will not arrive while it is light. Ster. I warrant you. But pray, sister Heidelberg, let the turtle be dressed to-morrow, and some venison — and let the gardener cut some pine-apples — and get out some ice. I'll answer for wine, I warrant you. I'll give thera such a glass of Champagne as they never drank in their lives — no, not at a duke's table. Mrs. Hei. Pray, now, brother, mind how you behave. J am always in a fright about you with people of qualaty Take care that you don't fall asleep directly after supper, as you commonly do. Take a good deal of snuff', and 20 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act 11 that will keep you awake — and don't burst out with youi horrible loud horse-laughs. It is monstrous wulgar. S/cr. Never fear, sister ! Who have we here 1 Airs. Hi'i. It is Mounseer Cantoon, the Swish gentlcmai), that lives with his lordship, I vow and pertest. Enter Canton, l. Stcr. Ah, mounseer ! your servant, I am very glad to see you, mounseer. Cant, (l.) Mosh oblige to Monsieur Sterling. Ma'am, I am yours. Matemoiselle, I am yours. [Boii-ing round. Mrs. Hei. (c.) Your humble servant, Mr. Cantoon! Cont. (l.) I kiss your hands, matam. Ster. Well, mounseer! and what news of your good family 1 When are we to see his Lordship and Sir John 1 Cant. Monsieur Sterling! Milor Ogleby and Sir Jean Melvil will be here in one quarter-hour. Sler. I am glad to hear it. Mrs. Hei. Oh, I am perdigious glad to hear it. Being so late, I was afeard of some accident. Will you please to have anything, Mr. Cantoon, after your journey 1 Cant. No, I tank you, ma'am. Mrs. Hei. Shall I go and show you the apartments, sir 1 Cant. You do me great honneur, ma'am. Mrs. H. Come, then. — [ To Miss Stcr.] Come, my dear ! Cantoti crosses to R., and exits with Mrs. H. and Miss Ster., hoioing and 2^rotesting they do him too 7nuch honnevr. Stcr. Pox on't, it's almost dark. It will be too late to go round the garden this evening. However, I will carry them to take a peep at my fine canal at least, I am detei-- mined. [Exit, k. END OF ACT ONE. ACT II. Scene I, — An Antc-r.hamhcr to Lord Oglehifs Bed-cham- ber. Table with chocolate, and si?iall case for medicines. Enter Brvsu, my Lord's Valet-de-Chambre, and Sterling's Chainbcrmaid. Brush, You shall stay, my deai' I insist upon it ScEHE I.] THE CLANDESTINE MAKRIAGE 21 Chamh. Nay, pniy, sir, tlon'l be so positive; I can't stay, indeed. Brush. You shall take one cup to our better acquaint- ance. Cliamh. I seldom drinks chocolate; and if I did, one has no satisfaction with such apprehensions about one. If my lord should awake, or the JSwish gentleman should see one, or Madam Heidelberg should know of it, I should be frighted to death : besides, I have had my tea alrea- dy this morning — I'm sure 1 hear my lord. \FrigJitencd. Brush. No, no, madam, don't flutter yourself — the mo- ment my lord wakes, he rings his bell, which I answer sooner or later, as it suits my convenience. Chamh. But should he come upon us without ringing 1 Brush. I'll forgive him if he does. This key — [Point- ing to a range of' phials] — locks him up, till I please to let him out. Chamb. Law, sir ! that's potecary's stuff. Bn/sh. It is so : but without this he can no more get out of bed, than he can read without spectacles. [.S'/y^.y.] What with qualms, age, rheumatisms, and a few surfeits in his youth, he must have a great deal of brushing, oiling, screwing, and winding up, to set him a-going for the day. Chamb. [S/j>s.] That's prodigious indeed. [Sij^s.] My lord seems quite in a decay. Brush. Yes, he's quite a spectacle, [,9?/>.s] a mere corpse, till he is revived and refreshed from our little magazine here. When the restorative pills and cordial waters warm his stomach, and get into his head, vanity frisks in his lieart, and then he sets up for the lover, the rake, and the fine gentleman. C/iamh. [Sips^^ Poor gentleman ! but should the Swish gentleman come upon us 1 [Frightened. Brush. Why then the English gentleman would be very angry. No foreigner must break in upon my privacy,. [»S//^.«.J But 1 can assure you Mr. Canton is otherwise em- ployed — he is obliged to skim the cream of half a score newspapers for my lord's breakfast. Pray, madam, drink your cup peaceably. My lord's chocolate is rem.arkably good — he won't touch a drop, but what comes from Italy. Gliamh. [Sijyping.] 'Tis very fine, indeed ! [sips] and charmingly perfumed — it smells for all the world like our young ladies' dressing boxes. 22 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act II BnisJi. You have an excellent taste, madam, and I must beg of you to accept of a few cakes for your own drinking, [rise and adrance] and in return I desire nothing but to taste the perfume of your lips. [Kissivg her.] A small re- turn of favors, madam, will make, I hope, this country and retirement agreeable to both. [ He bows, sJtc courtsics ; re- turn, and sit again.] Your young ladies are fine girls, failh : \sips] tho', upon my soul, I am quite of my old lord's opinion about them, and were I inclined to matrimony, I should take the youngest. [Sips. Chamh. Miss Faimy's the most affablest and the most best natur'd creter ! Brush. And the eldest a little haughty or so — Chamb. More haughtier and prouder than Saturn him- self — but this I say quite confidential to you ; for one would not hurt a young lady's marriage, you know. [Sips. Brush. By no means ; but you can't hurt it with us — we Jon't consider tempers — we wan't money, Mrs. Nancy; give us enough of that, we'll abate you a great deal in other particulars. Chamh. Bless me, here's somebody — [hell rings] — O ! 'tis my lord — Well, your servant, Mr. Brush — I'll clean the cups in the next room. Brush. Do 60 — but never mind the bell — T shan't go this half hour. Will you drink tea with me in the after- noon ? Chamb. Not for the world, Mr. Brush. I'll be here to set all things to righis — but I must not drink tea, indeed, and so your servant. [Bell 7-ings. — Exit, icith tea-board,, l. Brush. It is impossible to stupify one's self in the coun- try for a week, without jome little flirting with the Abi- gails : this is much the handsomest wench in the house, except the old citizen's youngest daughter, and I have not time enough to lay a plan for her. [Bell rings.^ And now I'll go to my Lord, for I have nothing else to do. [Going. Enter Canton, (r.) wiih iieicspapers in his hand. Cant. Monsieur Brush — Maitre Brush — my lor stirra yet? Brush. He has just rung his bfc/11 — I am going to him. [Exit, Brush. ScemeI.] the clandestine marriage. 23 Cant. Depechez-vous done. [Puts on spectacles.] I wish de Deveil had all dese papiers — I forget as fast as I read — De Advertise put out of my head de Gazette, de Ga- zette de Cronique, and so dey all go I'un apres I'autre — I must get some nouvelle for my lor, or he'ell be enrage contre moi — Voyons ! [Reads the Papcrs.\ Here is nothing but Anti-Sejanus et advertise — Enter Maid with chocolate things. Vat you vant, child % Chamh. Only the chocolate things, sir. Cant. Oh, ver well — dat is good girl — and very prit, too. [Exit Maid. Lord Ogl. [ Within.\ Canton, he, he, [cojighs] Canton ! Cant. I come, my lor — vat shall I do ? — 1 have no news — He will make great tintamarre ! — Lord Ogl. [ Within.\ Canton, I say. Canton ! Where are you 1 Enter Lord Ogleby, leaning on Brush. Cant. Here, my lor; I ask pardon, my lor; I have not finish de papiers — Lord Ogl. Damn your pardon, and your papiers, — I want you here. Canton. Cant. Den I run, dat is all. [Shuffles along. [Lord Ogleby leans upon Canton too, and comes forward. Lord Ogl. You Swiss are the most unaccountable mix- ture — you have the language and impertinence of the French, with the laziness of Dutchmen. Cant. 'Tis very true, my lor — I can't help — Lord Ogl. [Cries out\ O, Diavolo ! Cant. You are not in pain, I hope, my lor. Lord Ogl. Indeed but I am, my lor. That vulgar fel- low. Sterling, with his city politeness, would force me down his slope last night, to see a clay-coloured ditch, which he calls a canal ; and what with the dew, and the East wind, my hips and shoulders are absolutely screwed to my body. Cunt. A littel veritable eau d'arquibusade vill set all to right again. [My lord sits down in an easy-chair, and Brush givei him chocolate. 24 THE CLANDESTIME MARRIAGE. [AcT II Lord OgL Where are the palsy drops, Brush 1 Brush. Here, my lord ! \Pourivg out. ■Lord Ogl. Quelle nouvelle avez-vous, Canton ] Cant. A great deal of papier, but no news at all. Lord Ogl. What ! nothing at all, you stupid fellow ? Cant. Yes, my lor, I have a little advertise here vil give you more plaisir den all de lyes about nothing at all. La voila ! [Puts on his sjjcctacles. Lord Ogl. Come, read it. Canton, with good emphasis and discretion. Cant. J. vil, my lor. [Cant rcads.^^ Dere is no question, but that the Cosmetique Royale vil utterlie take away all heats, pimps, frecks, oder eruptions of de skin, and like- wise de wrinque of old age, &c. &c. — A great deal more, my loi" — be sure to ask for de Cosmetique Royale, signed by de Docteur own hand. Dere is more raison for dis caution dan good men vil tink. — Eh bien, my lor 'i Lord Ogl. Eh bien, Canton, will you purchase any 1 Cant. For you, my lor 1 Lord Ogl. For me, you old puppy ! for what % Cant. My lor ? Lord Ogl. Do I want cosmetics ? Ca7it. My lor ? Lord Ogl. Look in my face. Come, be sincere. Does it want the assistance of art 1 Cant. [With his Spectacles.] En verite non. 'Tis very smoose and brillian — but tote dat you might take a litle by way of prevention. Lord Ogl. You thought like an old fool. Monsieur, as you generally do — The surfeit water, Brush ! [Brush pours 02it.] What do you think, Brush of this family, we are going to be connected with 1 Eh ? Brush. Vei'y well to marry in, my lord ; but it would not do to live with. Lord Ogl. You are right, Brush. There is no washing the blackamoor white — Mr. Sterling will never get rid of Blackfriars, always taste of the Borachio ; and the poor woman, his sister, is so busy and so notable to make one welcome, that I have not yet got over her first reception ; it almost amounted to suffocation ! I think the daughters are tolerable — Where's my cephalic snuff] I Brush gives hi?7i a box. Scene I.] THE CLANDESTIXE MARRIAGE. 25 Cant. Dey tink so of you, my lor, for dey look at no ling else, ma foi. Lord Ogl. Did they ? Why, I think they did a little — AVhere's my glass 1 [BrusJi puts one on the tahle.] The youngest is delectable. \^Takes snuff. Cant. O oui, my lor, very delect, inteed ; she made doux yeux at you, my lor. Lord Oi^I. She was particular. The eldest, my ne- phew's lady, will be a most valuable wife ; she has all the vulgar spirits of her father and aunt, happily blended with the termagant qualities of her deceased mother. — Some peppermint water, Brush I — How happy is it, Cant,, for young ladies in general, that people of quality overlook every thing in a marriage contract but their fortune. Cant. C'est bien heureux, et commode aussi. Lord Ogl. Brush, give me that pamphlet by my bedside. [Brush goes Jor it.] Canton, do you wait in the ante-cham- ber, and let no one interrupt me till I call you. Cant. Mush good may do your lordship ! \E.vit, r. Lord Ogl. [To Brush, who brings the fampldet.\ And now, Brush, leave me a little to my studies. [Exit Brusli, L. Liord Ogl. [Alo7ie.\ What can I possibly do among these women, here, with this confounded rlieumatism % It is a most grievous enemy to gallantry and address. [Iiise^.\ He ! Courage, my lor! by heavens, I'm another creature. [Hums and dances a little.] It will do, faith. Bravo, my lor! These girls have absolutely inspired me. If they are for a game of romps — me voila pret ! [Sings and dan- ces.] Oh — that's an ugly twinge — but it's gone. I have rather too much of the lily this morning in my complex ion ; a faint tincture of the rose will give a delicate spi- rit to my eyes for the day. [ TJnlochs a drawer at the hot- torn of the glass, and takes out rouge; while he's pamtiug himself, r, hnoching at the door.] Who's there 1 I won't be disturbed. Cant. [ Without, r.] My lor, my lor, here is Monsieur Stei-ling to pay his devoir to you this morn in your cham- bre. Lord Ogl. [Softh/.] What a fellow \—\Aloud:\ I am ex- tremely honoured by Mr. Sterling. Why don't you see him in, Monsieui 1 I wish he was at the bottom of his C 26 THE CLANDESTINE ftiARRIAGE. [Act 11 Stinking canal. [Door opens.] Oh, my dear Mr. Sterling you do me a great deal of honour. Enter Canton, Sterling, and Lovewell, r. Ster. I hope, my lord, that your lordship slept well ii the night — 1 believe there are no better beds in Europe than I have — I spare no pains to get 'em, nor money to buy them — His Majesty, God bless him, don't sleep upon a better out of his palace ; and if I had said in too, I hope no treason, my lord. Lord Ogl. Your beds are like everything else about you — incomparable. They not only make one rest well, but give one spirits, Mr. Sterling. Sler. What say you, then, my lord, to another walk in the garden 1 You must see my water by daylight, and my walks, and my slopes, and my clumps, and my bridge, and my flowering trees, and my bed of Dutch tulips. Mat- ters looked but dim last night, my lord ; I feel the dew in my great toe — but I would put on a cut shoe, that I might be able to walk you about. I may be laid up to-morrow. Lord Ogl. \ Aside.] I pray heaven you may ! Ster. What say you, my lord ] Lord Ogl. I was saying, sir, that I was in hopes of see ing the young ladies at breakfast. Mr. Sterling, they are, in my mind, the finest tulips in this part of the world — he! he! Cant. (l. c.) Bravissimo, my lor — ha ! ha ! ha ! Ster. They shall meet your lordship in the garden — we don't lose our walk for them ; I'll take you a little round before breakfast, and a larger before dinner, and in the evening you shall go to the Grand Tower, as I call it — ha ! ha ! ha ! Lord Ogl. (c.) Not a foot, I hope, Mr. Sterling — con- sider your gout, my good friend. You'll certainly be laid by the heels for your politeness. Cant. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 'Tis admirable ! en verite ! [Laugl/ing very heanily. Ster. (r. c.) If my young man [To Lororell] here would but laugh at my jokes, which he ought to do, as Mounseer does at yours, my lord, we should be all life and mirth. Lord Ogl. Wha say you, Cant., will you take my Scene I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 27 kinsman into your tuition? You have certn'nly the most companionable laugh I evei" met with, and never out of tune — Cant. But when your lordship is out of spirits. Lord OiiL Well said, Cant. ; but here comes my ne- phew to play his part. Enter Sir John Melvil, n. Well, Sir John, what news from the island of Love ? have you been sighing and serenading this morning 1 Sir John. I am glad to see your loi'dship in such spi- rits this morning. Lord Ogl. I'm sorry to see you so dull, sir. What poor things, Mr. Sterling, these very young fellows are ! they make love with faces, as if they were burying the dead ; though, indeed, a marriage sometimes may be properly called a burying of the living — eh, Mr. Sterling 1 Sfer. Not if they have enough to live upon, my lord — Ha! ha! ha! Cant. Dat is all Monsieur Sterling link of. Sir Jolm. \Apart fo Loveice/l.] Pr'ythee, Lovewell, come with me into the garden ; I have something of con- sequence for you, and 1 must communicate it directly. Lov. We'll go together. — If your lordship and Mr. Sterling please, we'll prepare the ladies to attend you in the garden. [Exeunt Sir John and LovcweJl, r. Stcr. My girls are always ready; I make 'em rise soon and to bed early ; their husbands shall have 'em with good constitutions and good fortunes, if they have nothing else. my lord. Lord Ogl. Fine things, Mr. Sterling ! Stcr. Fine things, indeed, my lord ! Ah, my lord, had not you run off your speed in your youth, you had not been so crippled in your age, my lord. Lord Ogl. Very pleasant. [Half laughing. Stcr. Here's Mounseer, now, I suppose, is pretty near your lordship's standing ; but having little to eat, and lit- tle to spend, in his own country, lie'll wear three of your lordship out — eating and drinking kills us all. Ijord Ogl. Very pleasant, 1 protest. — [Jls/Jf.J What a vulgar dog ! Cant. My lor so old as me ? He is chicken to me, and look like a boy to pauvro me. 28 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act II Star. Ha ! ha ! ha! Well said, Mounseer — keep to that, and you'll live in any country of the world — Ha ! ha ! ha! But, my lord, I will wait upon you in the garden ; we have but a little time to breakfast — I'll go for my hat and cane, fetch a little walk with you, my lord, and then for the hot rolls an J butter ! [Exit, r. Lord Ogl. I shall attend you with pleasure. Hot rolls and butter in July ! I sweat with the thoughts of it. VVhat a strange beast it is ! Cant. C'est un barbare. Lord Ogl. He is a vulgar dog, and if there was not Sf» much money in the family, which I can't do without, 1 would leave him and his hot rolls and butter directly. Come along, Monsieur ! [Exeunt Lord Ogl. ond Cant., R. Scene H. — A Garden. Enter Sir John Melvii, and Lovewell, l. Lav. In my room this morning? Impossible. Sir John. Befoj-e live this morning, I promise you. Lov. On what occasion ] Sir John. I was so anxious to disclose my mind to you, that I could not sleep in my bed — but 1 found that you could not sleep neither — the bird was flown, and the nest long since cold. Where was you, Lovewell '? Loc. Pooh! prithee! ridiculous! air John. Come, now, which was it 1 Miss Sterling's maid ? a pretty little rogue ! or Miss Fanny's Abigail ] a sweet soul too — or — Lov. Nay, nay, leave trifling, and tell me your busi- ness. air Johi. Well, but where was you, Lovewelll Lov. VValkinjr — writing: — what sio^nifies where I was 1 air John. Walking! yes, I dare say. It rained as hard as it could pour. Sweet refreshing showers to walk in! No, no, Lovewell. Now would I give twenty pounds to know which of the maids — Lov. But your business — your business. Sir John ! Sir John. Let me a little into the secrets of the family Lov. Psha ! Sir John. [Aside.] Poor Lovewell, he can't bear it, I see. — [Aloud.] She charged you -ot to kiss and tell — eh, Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 29 Lovewell 1 However, though you will not honour me with your confidence, I'll venture to trust you with mine. What do you think of Miss Sterling ] Lor. What do 1 think of Miss Sterling 1 Sir John. Ay, what d'ye think of herl Ijov. An odd question ! J3ut 1 think her a smart, lively girl, full of mirth and sprightliness. air John. All mischief and malice, I doubt not. J^ov. How % Sir John, But her person, what d'ye think af that? ' Lov. Pretty and agreeable. Sir John. An awkward creature. Lov. What is the meaning of all this 1 Sir John. I'll tell you. You must know, Lovewell, tlial notwithstanding all appearances — \ Seeing Lord Oii;hbi/ (^r.] — We are interrupted : when they are gone, I'll ex- plain. Enter Loud Ogi.eby, Sterling, Mrs. Heiuelberg, Miss Sterling, and Fanny, l. s. e. Lord Ogl. (c.) Great improvements, indeed, Mr. Ster- ling! wonderful improvements! The Four Seasons in Lead, the Flying Mercury, and the basin with Neptune in the middle, are all in the very extreme of fine taste. You have as many rich figures as the man at Hyde Park Corner. Ster. (r. c.) The chief pleasure of a country house is to make improvements, you know, my lord. I spare no expense, not L This is quite another guess sort of a place than it was when I first took it, my lord. We were sur- rounded with trees. I cut down above fifty to make the lawn before the house, and let in the wind and the sun — sir.ack-smooth — as you see. Then I made a green-house out of the old laundry, and turned the brew-house into a pinery. The high octagon summer-house, you see yon- der, is raised on the m.ast of a ship, given me by an East India captain, who has turned many a thousand of my money. It commands the whole road. All the coaches, and chariots, and chaises pass and repass under your eye. I'll mount you up there in the afternoon, my lord. 'Tis the pleasantest place in the world to take a pipe and a bottle; and so you .shall say, my lord. Lord Ogl. Ay, or a bovl of punch, or a can of flip, Mr. 30 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [4ctII. Sterling; for it looks like a cabin in the air. If flying chairs were in use, the captain might make a voyage to the Indies in it still, if he had but a fair wind. Cant. Ha! ha! ha! ha! Mrs. Hei. (l. c.) My brother's a little comical in his ideas, my lord — but you'll excuse him. 1 have a little Gothic dairy, fitted up entirely in my own taste. In the evening I shall hope for the honour of your lordship's company to take a dish of tea there, or a syllabub warm from the cow. Lord OgJ. I have every moment a frosh oppoitunily of admiring the elegance of Mrs. Heidelberg — the very flow- er of delicacy, and cream of politeness. Mrs. Hei. Oh, mv lord ! | r t • . i ^i T 7 r^ J r\Tl J t i Leering at each other. Lord Ogl. Oh, madam ! ) >- ° Strr. How d'ye like these close walks, my lord 1 Lord Ogl. A most excellent serpentine ! It forms a perfect maze, and winds like a true lover's knot. Stcr. Ay, here's none of your straight lines here — but all taste — zig-zag — crinkum-crankum — in and out — right and left — to and again — twisting and turning like a worm, my lord ! Lord Ogl. Admirably laid out, indeed, Mr. Sterling! one can hardly see an inch beyond one's nose anywhere in these walks. You are a most excellent economist of your land, and make a little go a great way. It lies to- gether in as small parcels as if it was placed in pots out at your window in Gracechurch street. Cant. Ha! ha! ha! ha! Lord Ogl. What d'ye laugh at, Canton ? Cant. Ah ! que cette similitude est drole ! So clever what you say, my lor ! Lord Ogl. [ To Fanny. ^ You seem mightily engaged, madam. What are those pretty hands so busily employed about ■? Fanny. Only making up a nosegay, my lord. Will y )ur lordship do me the honour of accepting it 1 \P resenting it. Lord Ogl. I'll wear it next my heart, madam ! [^/;a?"^.] I see, the young creature doats on me ! Miss Stcr. Lord, sister ! you've loaded his lordship with a bunch of flowei s as big as the cook or the nurse carry Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MAKRIAGE. 31 to town on Monday morning foi* a beau-pot. Will your lordsliip give me leave to present you with this rose and a sprig of sweet-briar ? Lord O^I. The truest emblems of yourself, madam ! all sweetness and poignancy. — [ylyw^^.j A little jealous, poor soul ! Stcr. Now, my lord, if you please, I'll carry you to see my ruins. Mrs. Hr.i. You'll absolutely fatigue his lordship with over-walking, brother. Lord O4J. Not at all, madam. We're in the garden of Eden, you know ; in the region of perpetual sjiring, youth, and beauty. [Leering at the women, ic/io stand, l. ]\lrs. Hri, [Apart.\ Quite the man of qualaty, I pertest. Cant. 'J'ake a my arm, my lor. [Lord O. leans on him. Ster. I'll only show his lordship my ruins, and the cas- cade, and the Chinese bridge, and then we'll go in to break- fast. Lord Ogl. Ruins, did you say, Mr. Sterling ? Stcr. Ay, ruins, my lord ! and they are reckoned very fine ones, too. You would think them ready to tumble on your head. It has just cost me a hundred and fifty pounds to put my ruins in thorough repair. This way, if your lordship pleases. Lord Ogf. [Going, stops.] What steeple's that we see yonder] — the parish church, I suppose. Stcr. Ha ! ha ha ! tliat's admirable. It is no church at all, my lord ! it is a spire that I have built against a tree, a field or two off", to terminate the prospect. One must always have a church, or an obelisk, or something to terminate the prospect, you know. That's a rule in taste, my lord ! Lord Ogl. (c.) Very ingenious, indeed ! For my part, I desire no finer prospect than I see before me. [Tjcering at the women.] Simple, yet varied : bounded, yet exten- sive. — Get away. Canton ! [Pushing area ij Canton.^ I want no assistance — I'll walk with the ladies. Ster. This way, my lord ! Lord Ogl. Lead on, sir ! — We young folks will follow you. Madam! — Miss Sterling ! — Miss Fanny! — I attend you. \Exit af'e.r Sterling, gallanting the ladies. Cant. \Following.\ He is cock o' de game, ma foi ! 32 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act II. [Exit. — Sir John Melvil and Lovcu-ell come forivard. Sir JoJm. At length, thank heaven, 1 have an opportu- nity to unbosom. — I know you are faithful, Lovewell, and flatter myself you would rejoice to serve me. Lov. Be assured, you may depend on me. .b'?> John. You must know, then, notwithstanding all ap- pearances, that this treaty of marriage between Miss Ster- iiiig and me will come to nothing. Lov. How! Sir John. It will be no match, Lovewell. Lov. No match 1 Sir John. No. Lov. You amaze me. What should prevent it ? Sir John. I. Lov. You ! wherefore 1 Sir John. I don't like her. Lov. Very plain indeed ! I never supposed that you was extremely devoted to her from inclination, but thought you always considered it as a matter of convenience, ra- ther than afl'ection. Sir John. Very true. I came into the family without any impression on my mind — with an unimpassioned in- difference, ready to receive one woman as well as another. 1 looked uptm love, serious, sober love, as a chimera, and marriage as a thing of course, as you know most people do. But I, who was lately so great an inhdel in love, am now one of its sincerest votaries. In short, my defection from Miss Sterling proceeds from the violence of my at- tachment to another. hov. (r. c.) Another ! So, so ! here will be fine work. And pray, who is she ? Sir John, (c.) Who is she % who can she be, but Fanny, the tender, amiable, engaging Fanny % Lov. Fanny ! What Fanny ] Sir John. Fanny Sterling; her sister. Is she not an an- gel, Lovewell 1 Lov. Her sister ? Confusion ! — You must not think of it. Sir John. Sir John. Not think of it 1 I can think of nothing else. Nay, tell me, Lovewell ! was it possible for me to be in-' dulged in a perpetual intercourse with two such objects as Fanny and her sister, and not find my heart led by insen- Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 33 sible attraction towards her ] You seem confounded ! Why don't you answer me 1 hov. Indeed, Sir John, this event gives me infinite con- cern. air John. Why so 1 Is she not an angel, Lovewell ? Lov. I foresee that it must produce the worst conse- quences. Consider the confusion it must unavoidably create. Let me persuade you to drop these thoughts in time. Sir John. Never — never, Lovewell ! Lov. You have gone too far to recede. A negociation, so nearly concluded, cannot be broken off with any grace. The lawyers, you know, are hourly expected ; the preli- minaries almost finally settled between Lord Ogleby and Mr. Sterling ; and Miss Sterling herself ready to receive you as a husband. Sir John. Why, the banns have been published, and no- body has forbidden them, 'tis true. But you know either of the parties may change their minds even after they en- ter the church. JjOV. You think too lightly of this matter. To carry your addresses so far — and then to desert her — and for her sister, too ! It will be such an affront to the family, that they can never put up with it. Sir John. 1 don't think so : for as to my transferi'ing my passion from her to her sister, so much the better ! for then, you know, I don't carry my affection out of the fa- mily. Lov. Nay, but prythee, be serious, and think better of it. Sir John. I have thought better of it already, you see. Tell me honestly, Lovewell, can you blame me 1 Is there any comparison between them % Lov. As to that, now — Why, that — is just — ^just as it may strike different people. There are many admirers of Miss Sterling's vivacity. Sir John. Vivacity! a medley of Cheapside pcrtnesa. and Whitechapel pride. No, no, if I do go so far into the city for a wedding-dinner, it shall be upon turtle, at lea&t. Lav. But 1 see no probability of success ; for grantinc; that Mr. Sterling would have consented to it at first, hti cannot listen to it no. v. Why did not you break this aJ'- fair to the family before ] 34 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act II Sir John. Under such embarrassed circumstances as I have been, can you wonder at my irresolution or perplexi- ty '? Nothinrr but des,pair, the fear of losing my dear Fan- ny, could bring me t'> a declaration even now ; and yet 1 think I know Mr. Sterling so well, that strange as my pro- posal may appear, if I can make it advantageous to him as a money transaction, as I am sure I can, he will certainly fome into it. Lov. But even suppose he should, which I very much doubt, I don't think Fanny herself would listen to youi addresses. 8ir John. You are deceived a little in that particular. Lov. You'll find I am in the right. Sir John, I have some Uttle reason to think otherwise. Loo. You have not declared your passion to her already] Sir John. Yes, I have. Lov. Indeed ! — And — and — how did she receive it 1 Sir John. I think it is not very easy for me to make my addresses to any woman, without receiving some little en- couragement. Lov. Encouragement ! did she give you any encourage- ment % Sir John. I don't know what you call encouragement — but she blushed — and cried — and desired me not to think of it any more — upon which I pressed her hand — kissed it — swore she was an angel — and I could see it tickled her to the soul. Lov. And did she express no surprise at your declara- tion 1 Sir John. Why, faith, to say the truth, she was a httle surprised — and she got away from me too, before I could thoroughly explain myself. If I should not meet with an opportunity of speaking to her, I must get you to deliver a letter for me. Lov. I ! a letter ! — I had rather have nothing — • Sir John. Nay, you promised me your assistance — and I am sure you cannot scruple to make yourself useful on such an occasion — You may, without suspicion, acquaint her verbally of my determined affection for her, and that I mn resolved to ask her father's consent. Lov. As to that, I — your commands, you know — that is, if she — Indeed, Sir John, I think you are in the wrcmg. ScEWE II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 35 Sir John. Well — well — that's my concern — Ha ! there she goes, by heaven ! along that walk, yonder, d'ye see ? I'll go to her immediately. hov. You are too precipitate. Consider what you are doing ! Sir John. I would not lose this opportunity for the uni- verse. Liov. Nay, pray don't go ! Your violence and eagerness may overcome her spirits. The shock will be too much for her. [Detaining him. Sir John. Nothing shall prevent me. Ha ! now she turns into another walk — let me go ! [Breaks fro7n him.] I shall lose her. [Going, turns back.] Be sure now to keep out of the way ! If you interrupt us, I shall never forgive you. [Exit, hastily, r. Lov. (c ) 'Sdeath ! I can't bear this. In love with my wife ! acquaint me with his passion for her ! make his ad- dresses before my face ! I shall break out before my time - — This was the meaning of Fanny's uneasiness. She could not encourage him — I am sure she could not — Ha ! they are turning into the walk, and coming this way. Shall I leave the place ] — Leave him to solicit my wife ! I can't submit to it — They come nearer and nearer — If I stay, it will look suspicious — It may betray us and incense him — They are here — I must go — I am the most unfortunate fellow in the world. [Exit, l. Enter F ANNY,JvUo!rcd by Sir John, r. Fanny, (c.) Leave me. Sir John, I beseech you, leave me ; nay, why will you persist to follow me with idle soli- citations, which are an affront to my character, and an inju- ry to your own honour ? Sir John. (r. c.) I know your delicacy, and tremble to offend it ; but let the urgency of the occasion be my ex- cuse ! Consider, madam, that the future happiness of my hfe depends on my present application to you ! consider that this day must determine my fate ; and these are per- liaps the only moments left me to incline you to wan ant my passion, and to intreat you n "t to oppose the proposals I meat! to open to your father. Fanny. For shame, for shame, Sir John ! Think of your previous engagements ! Think of your own situation, 36 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. TAcT If. arc! think of mitie ! What have you discovered in my con- duct that might encourage you to so bold a declaration 1 ] am shocked that you might venture to say so much, and blush that I should even dare to give it a hearing. — Let nie be gone ! Si?- John. Nay, stay madam, but one moment — Your sensibility is too great. Engagements ! what engagements have been pretended on either side more than those of fa- mily convenience'.' I went on in the trammels of matrimo- nial negociation with a blind submission to your father and Lord Ogleby ; but my heart soon claimed a right to be consulted. It has devoted itself to you, and obliges me to plead earnestly for the same tender interest in yours. Fanny. Have a care, Sir John ! do not mistake a de- praved will for a virtuous inclination. By these common pretences of the heart, half our sex are made fools, and a greater part of yours despise them for it. *S//- John. Aftcction, you will allow, is involuntary. We cannot always direct it to the object on which it should fix — But when it is once inviolably attached, inviolably as mine is to you, it often creates reciprocal affection. When I last urged you on this subject, you heard me with more temper, and I hoped with some compassion. Fanny. You deceived yourself. If I forbore to exert a proper spirit; nay, if I did not even express the quickest resentment of your behaviour, it was only in consideration of that respect I wish to pay you, in honour to my sister : and be assured, sir, woman as I am, that my vanity coujd reap no pleasure from a triumph that must result from the blackest treachery to her. \ Going. Sir John. One word, and I have done. \8toj)j)ing lier^ Your impatience and anxiety, and the urgency of the oc- ca.sion, oblige me to be biief and explicit with you — I ap- peal therefore from your delicacy to your justice. Your sister, I verily believe, neither entertains any real affectirn for me, or tenderness for you. Your father, I am inclined to think, is not much concerned by means of which of his daughters the families are united. Now, as they cannot, shall not be connected, otherwise than by my union with you, why will you, from a false delicacy, oppose a measure so conducive to my happiness, and, 1 hope, your own % I love you, most passionately an 1 sincerely love you — and I hope Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 37 to propose tern:s agreeable to Mr. Sterling : — If then you don't absolutely loath, abhor, and scorn me — if there is no other ha2ipier man — Fanny. Hear me, sir, hear my final determination. Were my father and sister as insensible as you are pleased to represent them ; — were my heart for ever to remain disengaged to any other — I could not listen to your pi-opo- sals. VVhat ! you on the very eve of a marriage with my sister; I living under the same roof with her, bound not only by the laws of friendship and hospitality, but even the ties of blood, to contribute to her happiness — and not to conspire against her peace — the peace of a whole family — and that my own too ! — Away, away. Sir John ! — At such a time, and in such circumstances, your addresses only in- spire me with horror — Nay, you must detain me no longer — I will go. [Going, l. »S//' John. Do not leave me in absolute despair ! — Give me a glimpse of hope ! \FaUing on his knees, l. Fanny. I cannot. Pray, Sir John ! [Struggling to go. Sir John. Shall this hand be given to another 1 [Kissing her hand.] No— I cannot endure it — My whole soul is yours, and the whole happiness of my life is in your power. Enter Miss Sterling, r, u. e, Fanny, (l.) Ha ! My sister is here. Rise, for shame, Sir John ! Sir John. Miss Sterling ! [Rising. Miss Ster. (k.) I beg pardon, sir ! You'll excuse me, madam ! I have broke in upon you a little inopportunely, I believe — but I did not mean to interrupt you — I only came, sir, to let you know that breakfast waits, if you have finished your morning's devotions. Sir John, (r.) I am very sensible. Miss Sterling, that this may appear particular, but — Wiss Ster. (c.) O clear. Sir John, don't put yourself to the trouble of an apology. The thing explains itself. Sir John. It will soon, madam ! In the mean time I can only assure you of my profound respect and esteem for you, and inake no doubt of convincing Mr. Sterling of the honour and integrity of my intentions. And — and — your humble servant, madam ! [Exit, in confusion, r. Miss Ster. Respect % — Insolence ! — Esteem % — Very fine D 38 THE CLANDFSTINE MARRI." GE. [Act II truly ! And you, madam ! my sweet, delicate, innocent, sentimental sister ! will you convince my papa, too, of the integrity of your intentions 1 Fanny. Do not upbraid me, my dear sister ! Indeed I don't deserve it. Believe me, you can't be more offended at liis behaviour than I am, and 1 am sure it cannot make you half so miserable. Miss S(er. Make me miserable ! You are mightily deceived, madam ! It gives me no sort of uneasiness, I assure you. — A base fellow ! — As for you, miss ! the pre- tended softness of your disposition, your artful good-na- ture, never imposed upon me. I always knew you to be sly, and envious, and deceitful. Fanni/. Indeed, you wrong me. Miss Ster. Oh, you are all goodness, to be sure ! — Did not I find him on his knees before you ? Did not I see him kiss your sweet hand ] Did not I hear his protestva- tions 1 Was not I a witness of your dissembled modes- ty ? — No, no, my dear ! don't imagine that you can make a fool of your elder sister so easily. Fanny. Sir John, I own, is to blame ; but I am above the thoughts of doing you the least injury. Miss Stcr. We shall try that, madam! — I hope, miss, you'll be able to give a better account to my papa and my aunt — for they shall both know of this matter, I promise you. \Exit, R. Fanny. \^AIone.] How unhappy I am ! my distresses multiply upon me. Mr. Lovewell must now become ac- quainted with Sir John's behaviour to me — and in a man- ner that may add to his uneasiness. My father, instead of being disposed by fortunate circumstances to forgive any transgressions, will be previously incensed against rae. My sister and my aunt will become irreco7icilably my enemies, and rejoice in my disgrace. Yet, at all events, I am determined on a discovery. I dread it, and am re- solved to hasten it. It is surrounded with more horrors every instant, as it appears every instant more necessary. [Exit, R. END OF ACT II. ScEWE I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. '39 ACT III. Scene J.— A Hall. Enter, ^.., a Servant, leadivg in Sergeant Flower, and Counsellors Traverse and Trueman — all hooted. Serv. This way, if you please, gentlemen ! my master is at breakfast with the family at present — but I'll let him know, and he'll wait on you immediately. Floicer. Mighty well, young man, mighty well. Serv. Please to favour me with your names, gentlemen. Floiccr. Let Mr. Sterling know, that Mr. Sergeant Flower, and two other gentlemen of the bar, are come to Avait on him, according to his appointment. Serv. I will, sir. [Going, i-. Flotccr. And harkee, young man. [Servant 7-cturns^ De- sire my servant — Mr. Sergeant Flower's servant — to bring in my green and gold saddle-cloth and pistols, and lay them down here in the hall with my portmanteau. Serv. 1 will, sir. [Exit, l. Floicer. Well, gentlemen ! the settling these marriage ar- ticles falls conveniently enough, almost just on the eve of the circuits. Let me see — the Home, the Midland, and Western ; ay, we can all cross the country well enough to our several destinations. Traverse, when do you begin at Hertford 1 Traverse. The day after to-morrow. Flower. That is commission-day with us at Warwick too. But my clerk has retainers for every cause in the pa- per, so it will be time enough if I am there the next mor- ning. Besides, I have about half a dozen cases that have lain by me ever since the spring assizes, and 1 must tack opinions to them before I see my country clients again. So I will take the evening before me — and then currente calanw, ns I say — eh, Travei'se ? Traverse. True, Mr. Sergeant — and the easiest thing in the world too — for those country attorneys are such igno- rant dogs, that in case of the devise of an estate to A, and his heirs for ever, they'll make a query, whether he takes in fee or in tail. 40 THE CLANDESTINE MAKKIAGE [Act III. Floicer. Do you expect to have much to do on the home circuit these assizes ? Traverse. Not much n?*jjorzw5 business, but a good deal on the crown side, I beheve. The gaols are brim full — and some of the felons in good circumstances, and likely to be tolerable clients. Let me see ; I am engaged for three highway robberies, three murders, one forgery, and half a dozen larcenies, at Kingston. Flower. A pretty decent gaol delivery ! Do you ex- pect to bring off Darking, for the robbery on Putney-Com- mon 1 Can you make out your alibi ? Traverse. Oh, no ! the crown witnesses are sui'e to prove our indentity. We shall certainly be hanged : but that doti't signify. But Mr. Sergeant, have you much to do ? , — any remarkable cause on the Midland this cii'cuit ? Floiver. Nothing very remarkable — except two rapes, and Rider and Western at Nottingham, for crini con ; — but, on the whole, I believe a good deal of business. Our associate tells me, there are above thirty venires for War- wick. Traverse. Pray, Mr. Sergeant, are you concerned in Jones and Thomas, at Linc(»ln 1 Flower. I am — for the plaintiff. Traverse. And what do you think on't ] Floicer, A nonsuit. Traverse. I thought so. Flower. Oh, no manner of doubt on't — luce clarius — we have no right in us — we have but one chance. Traverse. What's that ] Floicer. Why, my Lord Chief does not go the circuit this time, and my brother Puzzle being in the commission, the cause will come on before him. Trueman. Ay, that may do, indeed, if you can but throw dust in the eyes of the defendant's counsel. Flower. True. — Mr. Trueman, I think you are con- cerned for Lord Ogleby in this af!'air. [To Trueman. Trueman. I am, sir — I have the honour to be related to his lordship, and hold some courts for him in Somerset- shire — go the Western circuit — and attend the sessions at Exeter, merely because his lordship's interests and proper- ty lie in that part of the kingdom. Flower. Ha ! and pray, Mr. True-man, how long have you been called to the bar X Scene I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 41 Trucman. About nine years and three quarters. Flower. Ha ! I don't know that I ever had the pleasure of seeing you before. I wish you success, young gentle- man. Enter Sterling, r, Stcr. Oh, Mr. Sergeant Flower, I am glad to see you. i'our servant, Mr. Sergeant ! gentlemen, your servant ! Well, are all matters concluded 1 has that snail-paced con- veyancer, old Ferret, of Gray's Inn, settled the articles at last ? Do you approve of what he has done 1 Will his tackle hold, tight and strong % — Eh, master Sergeant 1 Flower. My friend Ferret's slow and sure, sir. But then scrius aut cit'ms, as we say, sooner or later, Mr. Ster- ling, he is sure to put his business out of hand as he should do. My clerk has brought the writing, and all oth^r in- struments along with him, and the settlement is, I believe, as good a settlement as any settlement on the face of the earth. Stcr. But that damned mortgage of 60,000/. There don't appear to be any other incumbrances, I hope % Traverse. 1 can answer for that, sir; and that will be cleared off immediately on the payment of the first part of Miss Sterling's portion. You agree, on your part, to come down with 80,000/. Stcr. Down on the nail. Ay, ay, my money is ready to-morrow, if he pleases : he shall have it in India-bonds, or notes, or how he chooses. Your lords and your dukes, and your people at the court-end of the town, stick at pay- ments sometimes — debts unpaid, no credit lost with them ■ — but no fear of ns substantial fellows — eh, Mr. Sergeant] Flower. Sir .lohn having last term, according to agree- ment, levied a fine, and suffered a recovery, has hitherto cut off the entail of the Ogleby estate for the better ef- fecting the purposes of the present intended marriage ; on which above-mentioned Ogleby estate, a jointure of 2000/. per annum is secured to your eldest daughter, now Elizabeth Sterling, spinster, and the whole estate, after the death of the aforesaid earl, descends to the heirs male of Sir John Melvil, on the body of the aforesaid Elizabeth Sterling lawfully to be begotten. Tiava'se. Very time — and Sir John is to be put in im- 42 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act IJI meiliate possession of as much of his lordship's Somerset- shire estate, as lies in the manors of Hogmore and Cran- ford, amounting to between two and three thousand per annum, and at the death of Mr. Sterling, a further sum of seventy thousand — Enter Sir John Melvil r. Ster. Ah, Sir John ! Here we are hard at it, — paving t'.ie road to matrimony — first the lawyers, then comes the doctor — let us but dispatch the long robe, we shall soon get pudding-sleeves to work, I warrant you. Sir John. I am sorry to intermpt you, sir — but I hope that both you and these gentlemen will excuse me — hav- ing something particular for your private ear, I took the liberty of following you, and beg you will oblige me with an ari.dience immediately. Ster. Ay, with all my heart ! — Gentlemen, Mr. Sergeant, you'll excuse it — business must be done, you know. The writings will keep cold till to-morrow morning. Floiccr. I must be at Warwick, Mr. Sterling, the day after. Sler. Nay, nay, I sha'n't pait with you to-night, gentle- men, I promise you. My house is very full, but I have beds for you all, beds for your servants, and stabling for all your horses. Will you take a turn in the garden, and view some of my improvements before dinner 1 Or will you amuse yourselves on the green, with a game of bowls and a cool tankard? My servants shall attend you. Do you choose any other refreshment? Call for what you please ; do as you please ; make yourselves quite at home, I beg of you. Here, Thomas! Hany ! William! wait on these gentlemen ! — \Fol/o7vs the Lawyers out, l., hand- ing and talking, and then returns to Sir John.] And now, sir, J am entirely at your service. What are your com- mands with me. Sir John ? jSVr John. After having carried the negociation between our families to so great a length, after having assented so readily to all your proposals, as well as received so many instances of youi cheerful compliance with the demands made on our part, I am extremely concerned, Mr. Sterling, to be the involuntary cause of any uneasiness. Ster. Uneasiness! What uneasiness? Where business Scene I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE 43 is transacted as it ought to be, and the parties understand onrt another, there can be no uneasiness. You agree, on such and such conditions, to receive my daughter for a wife ; on the same conditions, I agree to receive you as a fion-in-hnv ; and as to all the rest, it follows of course, you know, as regularly as the payment of a bill after accep- tance. Sir John. Pardon me, sir, more uneasiness has arisen than you are aware of. I am myself, at this instant, in a state of inexpi'essible embarrassment ; Miss Sterling, I kno\i', is extremely disconcerted, too ; and UTiless you will oblio'e me with the assistance of your friendship, I foresee the speedy progress of discontent and animosity through the whole family. Sfer. What the deuce is all this 1 I don't understand a single syllable. Sir John. In one word, then — it will be absolutely im- possible for me to fulfil my engagements in regard to Miss Sterling. Ster. How, Sir John ! Do you mean to put an affront upon my family % What ! refuse to — Sir John. Be assured, sir, that I neither mean to affront, nor forsake your family. My only fear h. that you should desert me ; for the whole happiness of my life depends on my being connected with your family by the nearest and tenderest ties in the world. Stcr. Why, did not you tell me, but a moment ago, that it was absolutely impossible for you to marry my daughter] Sir John. True, But you have another daughter, sir — Ster. Wein Sir John. Who has obtained the most absolute dominion over my heart. I have already declared my passion to her; nay. Miss Sterling herself is also apprised of it ; and if you will but give a sanction to my present addresses, the un- common merit of Miss Sterling will no doubt recommend her to a person of equal, if not superior rank to myself, and our families may still be allied by i.ny union with Miss Fanny. Slcr. Mighty fine, truly ! Why, what the plague do you make of us, Sir John 1 Do you come to market for my daughter, like servants at a statute-fair ? Do you think that I will suffer you, or arij man in the world, to come 44 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act III into iny house, like the Grand Signior, and throw the hand- kerchief first to one, and then to t'other, just as lie pleases 1 Do you think 1 drive a kind of African slave-trade with them ; and — S/? John. A moment's patience, sir ! Nothing but the excess of my passion for Miss Fanny should have induced me to take any step that had the least appearance of dis- respect to any part of your family ; and even now I am desirous to atone for my transgression, by making the most adequate compensation that lies in my power. !Stcr. Compensation ! what compensation can you pos- sibly make in such a case as this. Sir John ] Sir John. Come, come, Mr. Sterling ; I know you to be a man of sense, a man of business, a man of the world. I'll deal frankly with you ; and you shall see that 1 don't desire a change of measures for my own gratifi- cation, without endeavouring to make it advantageous to you. Stcr. What advantage can your inconstancy be to me, Sir John 1 Sir John. I'll tell you, sir. You know that by the ar- ticles at present subsisting between us, on the day of my marriage with Miss Sterling, you agree to pay down the gross sum of eighty thousand pounds. Stcr. Well! Sir John. Now if you will but consent to my waiving that marriage — Slsr. I agree to your waiving that marriage's Impossi- ble, Sir John ! Sir John. 1 hope not, sir; as on my part, I will agree to waive my right to thirty thousand pounds of the for- tune I was to receive with her. Stcr. Thirty thousand, d'ye say ] Sir John. Yes, sir; and accept of Miss Fanny with fif- ty thousand, instead of fourscore. S/er. Fifty thousnnd — \Pausinif. Sir John. Instead of fourscore. Stcr. Why — why — there may be something in that. Let me see — Fanny with fifty thousand, instead of Betsy with fourscore. But how can this be, Sir John ] For you know I xm to pay this money into the hands of my Lord Ogleby ; who, I believe — between you and me, Sir Scene I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 45 John — is not overstocked with ready money at present ; and threescore thousand of it, you know, is to go to pay off the present incumbrances on the estate, Sir John. Sir John. That abjection is easily obviated. Ten of the twenty thousand, which would remain as a surphis of the fourscore, after paying off the mortgage, was intended by his lordship for my use, that we might set off with some little eclat on our marriage ; and the other ten for his own. Ten thousand pounds, therefore, I shall be able to pay you immediately ; and for the remaining twenty thousand, you shall have a mortgage on that part of the estate which is to be made over to me, with whatever se- cui'ity you shall require for the regular payment of the interest, till the principal is duly discharged. Ster. Why — to do you justice. Sir John, there is some- thing fair and open in your ])roposal ; and since I find you do not mean to put an affront upon the family — Sir JoJin. Nothing was ever farther from my thoughts, ]Mr. Sterling. And after all, the whole aliair is nothing extraordinary — such things happen every day — and as the world has only heard generally of a treaty between the families, when this marriage takes place, nobody will be the wiser, if we have but discretion enough to keep our own counsel. Stcr. True, ti'ue ; and since you only transfer from one gii'l to the other, it is no more than transferring so much stock, you know. Sir John. The very thing! Ster. Odso ! I had quite forgot. We are reckoning without our host here. There is another difficulty — Sir John. You alarm me. What can that be ] Stcr. I can't stir a step in this business without con- sulting my sister Heidelberg. The family has very great expectations fi-om her, and we must not give her any of- fence. Sir John. But if you come into this measure, surely she will be so kiwd as to consent — Stcr. T don't know that — Betsy is her darling, and I can't tell how far she may resent any slight that seems to be offered to her favourite niece. However, I'll do the best I can for you. You shall go and break the matter to her first, and by the time I miy suppose that your rhe- 46 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [ Aci III lorlc has prevailed on her to listen to reason, 1 will step in to reinforce your arguments. S/r John. I'll fly to her immediately ; you promise me your assistance % Sfer. I do. Sir John. Ten thousand thanks for it ! and now success attend me ! \Gomg, n. S(er. (i„) Harkee, Sir John ! [Sir John returns.] Not a word of the thirty thousand to my sister, Sir John. Sir John. Oh, I am dumb — I am dumb, sir. [Going, Sier. You remember it is thirty thousand. Sir John. To be sure, I do. Sler. But, Sir John ! — one thing more. [Sir John re- turns.] My lord must know nothing of this stroke of friend- ship between us. Sir John. Not for the world. Let me alone ! let me alone ! [ OJ'ering to go. Sfer. [Holding 7ii?}i.] And when every thing is agreed, we must give each other a bond to be held fast to the bar- gain. Sir John. To be sui"e. A bond by all means ! a bond, or whatever you please. [Exit hastihj, r. Stcr. [Alojie.] 1 should have thought of more condi- tions — he's in a humour to give me every thing. [Exit, l. Scene II. — Another Apartment. Enter Mrs. Heidelberg and Miss Sterling, l. Miss Stcr. This is your gentle-looking, soil-speaking, Bweet-smiling, affable Miss Fanny for you ! Mrs. Hci. My Miss Fanny ! I disclaim her. With all ner arts she never could insinuate hei*self into my good graces — and yet she has a way with her, that deceives man, woman, and child, except you and me, nieca Miss Stcr. Oh, ay ; she wants nothing but a crook in her hand, and a lamb under her arm, to be a perfect pic- ture of innocence and simplicity. Mrs. Hci. Just as I was drawn at Amsterdam, when I went over to visit my husband's relations. Miss Stcr. And then she's so mighty good to servants — " Pray, John, do this — pi'ay, Tom, do that — thank you, Jenny" — an I then so humble to her relations — " To be Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE 47 sure, papa ! — as my aunt pleases — my sister knows best." But with all her demureness and humility, she has no ob- jection to be Lady Melvil, it seems, nor to any wicked- ness that can make her so. Mrs. Hei. She Lady Melvil ] Compose yourself, niece ! I'll ladyship her indeed ! a little creppin, cantin — she shan't be the better for a farden of my money. But tell me, child, how does this intriguing with Sir John corres- pond with her partiality to Lovewell ] I don't see a con- catunation here. Miss Sler. There I was deceived, madam. I took all their whisperings and stealing into corners to be the mere attraction of vulgar minds : but, behold ! their private meetings were not to contrive their own insipid happi- ness, but to conspire against mine. But I know whence proceeds Mr. Lovewell's resentment to me. I could not stoop to be familiar with my father's clerk, and so I have lost his interest. Mrs. Hei. My spurrit to a T. — my dear child! [Kisses 7ier.] Mr. Heidelberg lost his election for member of par- liament, because I would not demean myself to be slob- bered about by drunken shoemakers, beastly cheesemon- gers, and greasy butchers and tallow-chandlers. How e- ver, niece, I can't help diffuring a little in opinion from you in this matter. My experunce and sagucity makes me still suspect, that there is something more between her and that Lovewell, notwithstanding this affair of Sir John. I had my eye upon them the whole time of break- fast. Sir John, I observed, looked a little confounded, in- deed, though I knew nothing of what had passed in the garden. You seemed to sit upon thorns too : but Fanny and Mr. Lovewell made quite another guess sort of a figur ; and were as perfect a pictur of two distrest lovers, as if if had been drawn by Raphael Angelo. As to Sir John and Fanny, I want a matter of fact. Jlliss SiC7: Matter of fact, madam 1 Did not T come unexpectedly upon them 1 AVas not Sir John kneeling at her feet, and kissing her hand ] Did not he look all love, and she all confusion 1 Is not that a matter of fact ] and did not Sir John, the moment that papa wa>s called out of the room to the lawyermen, get up from breakfast, and follow him immediately ] And I warrant you, that 48 THK CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act III. l)y tliis time he has made proposals to him to marry my sister — oh, that some other person, an earl, or a duke, would make his addresses to me, that I might be reven- ged on this monster ! Mrs. He?. Be cool, child ! you shall be Lady Melvil, in spite of all their cabillins, if it costs me ten thousand pounds to turn the scale. Sir John may apply to my bro- ther, indeed ; but I'll make them all know who governs in this fammaly. Miss Sicr. As T live, madam, yonder comes Sir John. A base man ! I can't endure the sight of him. I'll leave the room this instant. [D/'soi-dcred. Mrs. Hei. Poor thing ! Well, retii'e to your own cham- ber, child. I'll give it him, I warrant you ; and by and by I'll come and let you know all that has past between us. Miss Ster. Pray do, madam ! [Looking hark.] A vile wi'etch ! [ Exit in a rngc, u. Enter Sir John Melvil, l. Sir John. Your most obedient humble sei'vant, madam ! [ Bowing vcnj rcspectfulhj. Mrs. Hei. Your servant. Sir John ! \ Dropping a half covrtscy and pouting. Sir John. Miss Sterling's manner of quitting the room on my approach, and the visible coldness of your beha- viour to me, madam, convince me that she has acquainted you with what passed this morning. Mrs. Hei. I am veiy sorry, Sir John, to be made ac- quainted with any thing that should induce me to change the opinion, which I could always wish to entertain of a person of qualaty. \P anting. Sir John. It has always been my ambition to merit the best opinion from Mrs. Heidelberg ; and when she comes to weigh all circumstances, I flatter myself — Mrs. Hei. You do flatter yourself, if you imagine that I can approve of your behaviour to my niece. Sir John. And give me leave to tell you, Sir John, that you have been drawn into an action much beneath you, Sir John ; and that I look upon every injury ofl'ered to Miss 13etty Sterling, as an affront to myself, Sir John. [ Warml//. Sir John. I would not offend you for the world, madam ! but when I am influenced by a partiality for another, how- Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 49 ever Ill-founded, I hope your discernment and good sense will think it rather a point of honour to renounce engage- ments, which 1 could not fulfil so strictly as I ought ; and that you will excuse the change in my inclinations, since the new object, as well as the first, has the honour of be- ing your niece, madam. Mrs. He/. 1 disclaim her as a niece, Sir John ; Miss Sterling disclaims her as a sister, and the whole fammaly must disclaim her, for her monstrous baseness and trea- chery. Sir John. Indeed, she has been guilty of none, madam. Her hand and her heai't are, I am sure, entirely at the disposal of yourself and Mr. Sterling. Enter Sterling, l. u. e. And if you should not oppose my inclinations, I am sure of Mr. Sterling's consent, Madam. Mrs. Hei. Indeed ! Sir John. Quite certain, Madam. Ster. [Behind.] So! they seem to be coming to terms already. I may venture to make my appearance. Mrs. Hei. To marry Fanny ? [Sterlifig advances hij degrees. Sir Jolin. Yes, madam. Mrs. Hei. My brother has given his consent, you say ? Sir John. In the most ample manner, with no other re- Giriction than the failure of your concurrence, madam. ^Sces Sfer.] Oh, here's Mr. Sterling, who will confirm What I have told you. Mrs, Hit. What ! have you consented to give up your own daughter in this manner, brother ] Ster, Give her up ! no, not give her up, sister; only iu case that you — [Apart to Sir John.] Zounds ! I am afraid you have said too much. Sir John. Mrs. Hei. Yes, yes. I see now that it is true enough what my niece told me. You are all plottin and caballin against her. — Pi"ay, does Lord Ogleby'know of this affair? Sir John. I have not yet made liim acquainted with it, madam. Mrs. Hei. No, I vvarrart you, I thought so. — And so his lordship and myself, truly are not to be cosssulted till tho last. 50 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE [Act III. Ster. What ! did you not consult my lord 1 Oh ! iie for shame, Sir John ! Sir John. Nay, but Mr. Sterling — Mrs, Hei. We, who are the persons of most cor sequence and experunce in the two fammalies, are to know nothing of the matter, 'till the whole is as good as concluded upon. But his lordship, I am sure, will have more generosaty than to countenance such a perceding. And 1 could not have expected such behaviour from a person of your quality. Sir John — and as for you, brothei" — Ster. Nay, nay, but hear me, sister ! Mrs. Hei. lam perfectly ashamed of you — have you no spurrit 1 no more concern for the honour of our fam- maly than to consent — Ster. Consent 1 I consent 1 As I hope for mercy, I never gave my consent. Did I consent. Sir John ? Sir John. Not absolutely, without Mrs. Heidelberg's consent. But in case of her approbation — Ster. Ay, I grant you, if my sister approved — But that's quite another thing, you know — \To Mrs. Heidelberg. Mrs. Hei. Your sister approve, indeed ! — I thought you knew her better, brother Sterling ? — What ! approve of having your eldest daughter returned upon your hands, and exchanged for the younger ? I am surprised how you could listen to such a scandalous proposal. Ster. 1 tell you, I never did listen to it. Did not I say that I would be entirely governed by my sister. Sir John ? and unless she agreed to your marrying Fanny — Mrs. Hei. I agree to his marrying Fanny ? abominable ! The man is absolutely out of his senses. Can't that wise head of yours foresee the consequences of all this, brother Sterling? Will Sir John take Fanny without a fortin 1 No ! After you have settled the largest part of your pro- perty on your youngest daughter, can tliere be an equal j/ortion left for the eldest 1 No! Does not this overturn the whole systum of the fammaly 1 Yes, yes, yes ! You know I was always for my niece Betsy's marrying a per- son of the very first qualaty. That was my maxum : and therefore, much the largest settlement was, of course, to be made upon her. As for Fanny, if she could, with a fortune of twenty or thirty thousand pounds, get a knight, or a member of parliament, or a rich common-councilman for a husband, 1 thonrrht it mio)i* (\o vei-v v.cll. Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 5\ Sir John. But if a better match should offer itself, why should tt not be accepted, madam 1 JSIrs. Hci. What, at the expense of her elder sister ! Oh, fie. Sir John ! How could you bear to hear of such an indignaty, brother Sterling 1 Ster. 1 ! Nay, 1 sha'n't hear of it, I promise you. I can't hear of it, indeed, Sir John. Mrs. Hci. But you have heard of it, brother Sterling. You know you have ; and sent Sir John to propose it tc me. But if you can give up your daughter, I sha'n't for- sake my niece, I assure you. Ah ! if my poor dear Mr. Heidelberg and our sweet babes had been alive, he would not have behaved so. Stcr. Did I, Sir John ? — [Apart to him^ Nay, speak ! — Bring me off, or we are ruined. Sir John. Why, to be sure, to speak the truth — Mrs. Hei. To speak the truth, I'm ashamed of you both. But have a care what you are about, brother! have a cai-e, 1 say. The counsellors are in the house, I hear; and il everything is not settled to my liking, I'll have nothing more to say to you, if I live these hundred years. I'll go over to Holland, and settle with Mr. Vanderspracken, my poor husband's first cousin, and my own fammaly shall never be the better for a farden of my money, I promise you. [Exit, R. Stcr. I thouo^ht so. 1 knew she would never aorree to it. Sir John. 'Sdeath, how unfortunate ! what can we do, Mr. Sterling? Stcr. Nothing. Sir John. What, must our agreement break off the mo- ment it is made, then ? Ster. It can't be helped. Sir John. The family, as I told you before, have great expectations from my sister ; and if this matter proceeds, you hear yourself that she threatens to leave us. My brother Heidelbei-g was a warm man, a very warm man ; and died worth a plum, at least; a plum! ay, I warrant you, he died worth a plum and a half Sir John. Well ; but if I — Ster. And then, my siste - has three or four very good mortgages, a deal of monev in the three per cents., and 52 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act III old South Sea annuities, lesides large concerns in the Dutch and French funds. The greatest part of all this she means to leave to our family. Sir Jultn. I can only say, sir — Stfr. Why, your ofler of the difference of thirty thou- sand was very fair and handsome, to be sure, Sir John. Sir John. Nay, but I am even willing to — Sfer. Ay, but if I was to accept it against her will, I might lose above a hundred thousand ; so you see the ba- lance is against you. Sir John. Sir John. But is there no way, do you think, of prevail- ing on Mrs. Heidelberg to grant her consent ] Ster. I am afraid not. However, when her passion is a little abated — for she's very passionate — you may try what can be done : but you must not use my name any more. Sir John. Sir John. Suppose I was to prevail on Lord Ogleby t<" apply to her, do you think that would have any influence over her ? Ster. I think he would be inore likely to persuade her to it than any person in the family. She has a great res- pect for Lord Ogleby. She loves a lord. Sir John. I'll apply to him this very day. And if he should prevail on Mrs. Heidelberg, I may depend on your friendship, Mr. Sterling ? Ster. Ay, ay, I shall be glad to oblige you, when it is in ray power ; but as the account stands now, you see it is not upon the figures. And so, your servant. Sir John. \Exif,-L. Sir John. What a situation am I in! Breaking off with her whom I was bound by treaty to marry ; rejected by the object of my afiections ; and embroiled by this turbu- lent woman, who governs the whole family. And yet op- position, instead of smothering, increases my inclination. 1 must have hei*. I'll apply immediately to Lord Ogleby; and if he can but bring over the aunt to our party, her influence will overcome the scruples and delicacy of my dear Fanny., and 1 shall be the happiest of mankind. [Exit, L. END OF AOT III Scene I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 53 ACT IV. Scene I. — A Room Enter Sterling, Mrs. Heidelberg, and Miss Ster- ling, K. Sfer. What! will you send Fanny to town, sister 1 Mrs. Hci. To-morrow morning. I've given orders about it already. Ster. indeed 1 Mrs. Hei. Posatively. Ster. But consider, sister, at such a time as this, what an odd appearance it will have. Mrs. Hei. Not half so odd as her behaviour, brother. This time was intended for happiness, and I'll keep no in- cendiaries here to destroy it. 1 insist on her going off' to- morrow morning. S/er. I'm afraid this is all your doing, Betsy. M/ss Sfcr. (r. c.) No, indeed, papa. My aunt knows that it is not. For all Fanny's baseness to me, I am sure I would not do or say anything to hurt her with you or my aunt, for the world. Mrs. Hci. (c.) Hold your tongue, Betsy ! I will have my way. When she is packed off", everything will go on as it should do. Since they are at their intrigues, I'll let them see that we can act with vigur on our part ; and sending her out of the way shall be the purliminary step to all the rest of my proceedings. Sier. (l. c.) Well, but sister — Mrs. IJei. It does not signify talking, brother Sterling, for I'm resolved to be rid of her, and I will. [To Miss S(er.\ Come along, child. The postman shall be at the door by six o'clock in the morning ; and if Miss Fanny does not get into it, why, I will — and so there's an end of the matter. [Bounces out tlie room with Miss Sterling, k. Re-enter Mrs. Heidelberg, r. (r ) One word more, brother Sterling ! I expect that you will take your eldest daughter in your hand, and make a formal complaint to Lord Ogleby of Sir John Melvil's be- haviour. Do this, brother ; show a proper regard for the '^4 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE [Act IV. honour of youi' fammaly yourself, and I shall throw in my mite to the raising of it. If not — but now you know my mind. So act as you please, and take the consequences. \Exif, n. Stcr. The devil's in the women for tyranny! Mothers, ■wives, mistresses, or sisters, they always will govern us. As to my sister Heidelberg, she knows the strength of her purse, and domineers upon the credit of it. " 1 will do this," and " You shall do that," and "You shall do t'other, or else the famrnaly sha'n't have a farden of" — [Mi?nick- in>/.] — So absolute with her money ! — But, to say the truth, nothing but money can make us absolute, and so we must e'en make the best of her. [Exit, l. Scene II — A Garden. Enter Lord Ogleby and Canton, l. Lord Ogl. What ! Mademoiselle Fanny to be sent a- way ! why ? wherefore 1 What's the meaning of all this 1 Cant. Je ne s^ais pas. I know nothing of it. Eord Ogl. It can't be — it shan't be. I protest against the measure. She's a fine girl, and I had much rather that the rest of the family were annihilated, than that she should leave us. Her vulgar father, that's the very abstract of 'Change Alley — the aunt, that's always endeavouring to be a fine lady — and the pert sister, for ever showing that she is one, are horrid company, indeed, and without her would be intolerable. Ah, la petite Fanchon ! she's the thing ; isn't she Cant.? Cant. Dere is very good sympatic entre vous and dat young lady, mi lor. Lord O^l. I'll not be left among these Goths and Van- dals, your Sterlings, your Heidelbergs, and Devilbergs^ if she goes, I'll positively go too. Cant. In de same post-chay, my lor ? Y"ou have no ob- jection to dat I believe, nor mademoiselle neider too — ha ! ha! ha! Lord Ogl. Pr'ythee hold thy foolish tongue, Cant. Does thy Swiss stupidity imagine that I can see and talk with a fine girl without desires \ My eyes are involunta- rily attracted by beautiful objects. I fly as naturally to a fine girl — StEHElI.] THE CLANDESTINE MAKRIAGE. 55 Cant. As de fine girl to you, my lor : ha, ha, ha! you always fly togedre like un pair de pigeons. Lord Ogl. Like un pairde pigeons — \Tnoc] Lord Ogl. No — no — not altogether — it began with in- terest, and ended in passion. Lov. Indeed, my lord, if you were acquainted with her goodness of heart, and generosity of mind, as well as you are with the inferior beauties of her face and person — Lord Ogl. I am so perfectly convinced of their exist- ence, and so totally of your mind touching every amiable particular of that sweet girl, that were it not for the cold unfeeling impediments of the law, 1 would marry her to- morrow morning. Lov, My lord ! Lord Ogl. I would, by all that's honourable in man, and amiable in woman. Lov. Marry her ! — What do you mean, my lord 1 Lord Ogl. Miss Fanny Sterling that is — the Countess of Ogleby that shall be. Lov. I am astonished ! Lord Ogl. Why, could you expect less from me 1 Lov. 1 did not expect this, my lord. Lord Ogl. Trade and accounts have destroyed your feeling. Lov. No, indeed, my lord. [Sighs. Lord Ogl. The moment that love and pity entered my breast, I was resolved to plunge into matrimony, and shorten the girl's tortures — I never do any thing by halves ; do I, Lovewell 1 Lov. No, indeed, my \ovA— [Sighs] — What an accident ? Lord Ogl. What's the matter, Lovewell % thou seem'st to have lost thy faculties. Why don't you wish me joy, man ] Lov. Oh, I do, my lord. [Sighs. Lord Ogl. She said that you would explain what she had not power to utter — but I wanted no interpreter for the language of love. Lov. But has your lordship considered the consequences ot your resolution 1 Lord Ogl. No, sir, I am above consideration, when my desires are kindled. Lov. But consider the consequences, my lox'd, to youi nephew, Sir John. Jjord Ogl. Sir John has considered no consequences liimsel^ Mr. Lovewell. Scene TI THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 65 Lov. Mr. Sterling, my lord, will certainly refuse his daughter to Sir John. Lord Ogl. Sir John has already refused Mr. Sterling's daughter. Lov. But what will become of Miss Sterling, my lord ? Lord Ogl. What's that to you ? — You may have hei', if you will. — I depend upon Mr. Sterling's city philosophy, to be reconciled to Lord Ogleby's being his son-in-law, in- stead of Sir John Melvil, Baronet. Don't you think that your master may be brought to that, without having re- course to his calculations ] Eh, Lovewell 1 Lov. But, my lord, that is not the question. Lord Ogl. Whatever is the question, I'll tell you my an swer. I am in love with a fine girl, wdiom I resolve to marry. Enter Sir John Melvil, l. What news with you, Sir John ? — You look all hurry and impatience — like a messenger after a battle. Sir John. After a battle, indeed, my lord. I have this day had a severe engagement, and wanting your lordship as an auxiliary, I have at last mustered resolution to de- clare, what my duty to you and to myself have demanded from me some time. Lord Ogl. Tn the business, then, and be as concise as possible — for I am upon the wing — eh, Lovewell ? [He smiles, and Loveircll hows. Sir John. 1 find 'tis in vain, my lord, to struggle against the force of inclination. Lord Ogl. Very true, nephew ; i am your witness, and will second the motion — sha'n't 1, Lovewell ? \S index, and Lovewell hoics. Sir John. Your lordship's generosity encourages me to tell you — that I cannot marry Miss Sterling. Lord Ogl. I am not at all surprised at it — she's a bittei potion, that's the truth of it ; but as you were to sw^allow it, and not \, it was your business, and not mine — any thing more 1 Sir John. But this, my lord — that I may be permitted to make my addresses to the other sister. Lord Ogl. O yes — by all means — have you any hopes there, nephew 1 Do you think he'll succeed, l/ovewell ] [Smiles, and winhR at Lovc^i^dl. 66 THK CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act V. Lov. I think not, my lord. [Gravely. Lord 0^1. I think so too ; but let the fool try. Sir John. Will your lordship favour me with your good offices to remove the chief obstacle to the match, the re- jm/ retire, R. v. e. Enter Brush half-drunh, laying hold of the Chambermaid wlto has a candle in her hand, l. u. e. Chamh. Be quiet, Mr. Brush ; I shall drop down with terror ! Brush. But my sweet and most amiable chambermaid, if you have no love, you may hearken to a little reason ; tliat cann()t possibly do your virtue any harm. 72 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act V. Chamh. But you may do me harm, Mr. Brush, and a great deal of harm, too — pray let me go — I am ruined if they hear you — 1 tremble like an asp. Brush. But they shan't hear us — and therefore I say it again, if you have no love, hear a little reason ! Chamh. I w^onder at your impurence, Mr. Brush, to use me in this manner; this is not the vv^ay to keep me com- pany, I assure you. — You are a town rake, I see, and now you are a little in liquor, you fear nothing. Brash. Nothing, by heavens, but your frowns, most amiable chambermaid ; I am a little electrified, that's the truth on't ; I am not used to drink poi't, and your master's is so heady, that a pint of it oversets a clai'et-drinker. Chamh. Don't be rude ! bless me ! — I shall be ruined — what will become of me ] Brush. I'll take care of you, by all that's honourable. Chamh. You are a base man to use me so — I'll cry out, if you don't let ine go — That is Miss Sterling's chamber, that Miss Fanny's, and that Madam Heidelberg's. \^Pointing. Brush. And that my Lord Ogleby's, and that my lady what-d'ye-call 'em : I don't mind such folks when I am sober, much less when I am whimsical — rather above that, too. Chamh. More shame for you, Mr. Brush ! — you terrify me — you have no modesty. Brush. Oh, but I have, my sweet spider-brusher ! — for instance ; I reverence Miss Fanny — with all my hon'ors of matrimony, I could marry her myself — but for her sis- ter — Miss Stcr. There, there, madam, all in a story ! Chamh. Bless me, Mr. Brush ! — I heard something. Brush. Rats, I suppose, that ai'e gnawing the old tim- bers of this execrable old dungeon. — If it was mine, 1 would pull it down, and fill your fine canal up with tlie rubbish ; and then I should get rid of two damned thinga at once. C'lamh. Lav/ ! law ! how you blaspheme ! we shall have the house upon our heads for it. Brush. No, no, it will last our time — but as I was say mg, the eldest sister — Miss Jezebel — Chamh. Is a fine young lady, for all your evil tongue. Scene II ] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. iS BrusJi. No — we have smoked her ah-eady ; and un- less she marries our old Swiss, she can have none of us — no, no, she won't do — we are a little too nice. Chamb. You're a monstrous rake, Mr. Brush, and don't care what you say. Brush. Why, for that matter, my dear — where's old mother Heidelberg's room ? Bits. H. \ Coming Jbrward.] There's no bearing this — you profligate monster! Chamb. Ha ! I am undone ! Brush. Zounds! here she is, by all that's monstrous. [Runs off, L, Miss Sfer. A fine discourse you have had with that fel- low ! Mrs. Hei. And a fine time of night it is to be here with that drunken monster I Miss Ster. What have you to say for yourself? Chamb. I can say nothing — I am so frightened, and ^^ ashamed — but indeed I am vartuous — I am vartuous, in- deed. Mrs. Hei. Well, well — don't tremble so ; but, tell us what you krow of this horrible plot here. Miss Ster. We'll forgive you, if you'll discover all. Chamb. Why, madam — don't let me betray my fellow- servants — I sha'nt sleep in my bed, if I do. Mrs. Hei. Then you shall sleep somewhere else to-moi'- row night, Chamb. Oh, dear! what shall I do? Mrs. Hei. Tell us this moment, or I'll turn you out of doors dii-ectly. Chamb. Why, our butler has been treating us below in his pantry — Mr. Brush forced us to make a kind of a holiday night of it. Miss Ster. Holiday ! for what 1 Chamb. Nay, I only made one. Miss Ster. Well, well, but upon what account I Chainb. Because, as how, madam, there was a change in the family, they said — that his honour. Sir John— was to marry Miss Fanny instead of your ladyship. Miss Ster. And so you make a holiday for that. — Vei"y fine ! Chamb. I did not make it, ma'am. 74 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act V Mrs. Hei. But do you know nothing of Sir John's be- ing to run away with Miss Fanny to-nighl ? Chamh. No, indeed, ma'am ! Miss Ster. Nor of his being now locked up in my sis- ter's chamber 1 Cliamh. No, as I hope for marcy, ma'am ! Mrs. Hei. Well, I'll put an end to all this directly — di> you run to my brother Sterling — Chamh. Now, ma'am 1 'Tis so very late, ma'am — Mrs. Hci. 1 don't care how late it is. Tell him there are thieves in the house — that the house is o'fire — tel. him to come here immediately — go, I say ! C/iamb. I will, I will, though I'm frightened out of my wits. [Exit, L. Mrs. Ilei. Do you watch here, my dear; and I'll put myself in order to face them. We'll plot 'em, and coun- terplot 'em too. [Exit into her chamber. Miss Ster. 1 have as much pleasure in this revenge, as in being made a countess ! Ha ! they are unlocking the door. Now for it. [Retires. Fanny's door is unlocked — and Betty comes out with a candle. Miss Sterling approaches her. Hetty. [ Calling within.] Sir, sir ! now's your time — all's clear. [Seeing Miss Ster.] Stay, stay — not yet — we are watched. Miss Ster. And so you are, madam Betty ! [Miss Sterling lays hold of her, while Betty locks the door, and puts the key into her pocket. Betty. [Turning round.] What's the matter, ma'am ? Miss Ster. Nay, that you shall tell my father and aunt, madam. Betty. I am no tell-tale, ma'am, and no thief; they'll get nothing from me. Miss Ster. You have a great deal of courage, Betty * and considering the secrets you have to keep, you ha^ occasion for it. Betty. My mistress shall never repent her good op' of me, ma'am. Enter Sterling. Ster. What is all this ] What's the matter ] Why am I disturbed in this manner] ScKNE II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 75 Miss Ster. This creature, and my distresses, sir, will explain the matter. Re-enter Mrs. Heidelberg, witJi anotJier head-dress. Mrs. TTei. Now I'm prepared for the rancounter — well, brother, have you heard of this scene of wickedness 1 S'er. Not I — but what is it ? Speak 1 I was got into my little closet — all the lawyers were in bed, and I had almost lost my senses in the confusion of Lord Ogleby's mortgages, when I was alarmed with a foolish girl, who could hardly speak ; and whether it's fii'e, or thieves, or murder, I am quite in the dark. Miss S/er. Who's in that chamber? [Dciaining Befti/, who seemed to he stealing away. Bettij. My mistress. Miss Ster. And who is with your mistress 1 Betty. Why, who should there be 1 Miss Ster. Open the door, then, and let us see ! Betty. The door is open, madam. [Miss Sterling goes to the door.] I'll sooner die than peach. [Exit hastily, l. 3Iiss Ster. The door's locked ; and she has got the key in her pocket. Mrs. Ilei. There's impudence, brother ! piping hot from your daughter Fanny's school ! Ster. But zounds ! what is all this about % you tell me of a sum total, and you don't produce the particulars. Mrs. Hei. Sir John Melvil is locked up in your daugh- ter's bedchamber. — There is the paiticular ! Ster. The devil he is ! that's bad ! Miss Ster. And he has been there some time, too. Ster. Ditto ! 3Irs. Hei. Ditto ! worse and worse, I say. I'll raise the house, and expose him to my lord, and the whole fammaly. Ster. By no means ! we shall expose oiirselves, sister ! the best way is to insure privately — let me alone ! I'll make him marry her to-morrow moi'ning. Miss Ster. Make him marry her ! this is beyond all pa- tience ! You have thrown away all your affectiofl; and I shall do as much by my obedience : unnatural fathers make unnatural children. My revenge is in my own pow- er and I'll indulge it. Had they made their escape, I 76 THE CLANDESTINE MARRUGE Act V should have been exposed to the derision of the world ; but the deiiders shall be derided ; and so — help ! help, there ! thieves ! thieves ! Mrs. Hei. Tit-for-tat, Betsy ! you are right, rny girl. Ster. Zounds ! you'll spoil all — you'll raise the whsle family — the devil's in the girl. .Mrs. Hei. No, no ; the devil's in you, brother. I am ashamed of your principles. What ! v/ould you connive at your daughter's being locked up with her sister's hus- band ] Help ! thieves ! thieves ! 1 say. [ Cries out. Ster. Sister, I beg you ! daughter, I command you ! If you have no regard for me, consider yourselves ! We shall lose this opportunity of ennobling our blood and getting above twenty per cent, for our money. Miss Ster. What ! by ray disgrace and my sister's tri- umph ! I have a spirit above such mean considerations ; and to shew you that it is not a low-bred, vulgar, 'Change- Alley spirit — help ! help"! thieves \ thieves ! I say, Ster. Ay, ay, you may save your lungs — the house is in an uproar ; women, at best, have no discretion ; but in a passion they'll fire a house, or burn themselves in it, ra- ther than not be I'evenged. Enter Canton, in a night-gown and slippers. Cant. Eh, diable ! vat is de raison of dis great noise,, dis tantamarre ] Ster. Ask those ladles, sir ; 'tis of their making. Lord Ogl. \ Calls within.] Brush! Brush! Canton! where are you ? What's the matter 1 [Rings a bell.\ Where are you 1 Ster. 'Tis my lord calls, Mr. Canton. Cant. I com, mi lor ! [Exit, Canton — Lord Oglehy still rings. Serg. Flotver. [Calls ivith in.] A light! a light, here! where are the servants 1 Bring a light for me and my brothers. Ster. Lights here ! lights for the gentlemen ! [Exit Sterling. Mrs. Hei. My brother feels, I see — your sister's turn will come next. Miss Ster. Ay, ay, let it go round madam, it is the only comfort I have left. Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 77 Re-enter Steri.iissg, with lights, ie/bre Sergeant Flower [wit/i one boot and a slipper) and Traverse. Ster. This way, sii' ! this way, gentlemen ! Flower. Wei! ; but Mr. Sterling, no danger, I hope. Have they made a burglarious entry \ Are you prepared to Impulse them ? I am very much alarmed about thieves at circuit-time. They would be particularly severe with us gentlemen of the bar. Traverse. No danger, Mr. Sterling — no tiespass, I hope ? Sfer. None, gentlemen, but of those ladies' making. Mrs. Hei. You'll be ashamed to know, gentlemen, that all your labours and studies about this young lady are thrown away — Sir John Melvil is at this moment locked up with this lady's younger sister. Florcer. The thing is a little extraordinary, to be sure — but, why were we to be frightened out of our beds for this ? Could not we have tried this cause to-morrow morning 1 Miss Ster. But, sir, by to-morrow morning, perhaps, even your assistance would not have been of any service — the birds now in that cage would have flown away. Enter LoR'D Ogleby, in his rohe-de-chamhre, nightcap, Sfc, leaning on Canton. Lord Ogl. I had rather lose a limb than my night's rest — what's the matter with you all ! Ster. Ay, ay, 'tis all over ! here's my lord too. Lord Ogl. What's all this shrieking and screaming % where's my angelic Fanny ? she's safe, 1 hope ? Mrs. Hei. Your angelic Fanny, my lord, is locked up with your angelic nephew in that ehamber. Lord Ogl, My nephew ! then will I be excommunica- ted. Mrs. Hei. Your nephew, my lord, has been plotting to run away with the younger sister ; and the younger sister has been plotting to run away with your nephew ; and if we had not watched them, and called up the fammaly, they had been upon the scamper to Scotland by this time. Lord 0:;J. Look'ee, ladies ! I know that Sir John has 78 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act V conceived a violent passion for Miss Fanny; and I know too that Miss Fanny has conceived a violent passion foi another person ; and I am so well convinced of the recti- tude of her affections, that I will support them with my fortune, my honour, and my life. Eh, shan't I, Mr. Ster- ling 1 [Smiling.] What say you 1 Ster. [Sulkift/.] To be sure, my lord. — [^s/(^e.] These bawling women have been the ruin of everything. Lord Ogl. But come, I'll end this business in a trice. If you, ladies, will compose yourselves, and Mr. Sterling will ensure Miss Fanny from violence, I will engage to draw her from her pillow with a whisper through the keyhole. Mrs. Hei. The horrid creatures ! I say, my lord, break the door open. Lord OgL Let me beg of your delicacy not to be too precipitate ! Now to our experiment ! [Advancing towards the door. Miss Stcr. Now, what will they do ] My heart will beat through my bosom. Enter Betty tcitJi the hey. Betty. There's no occasion for breaking open doors, my lord ; we have done nothing that we ought to be ashamed of, and my mistress shall face her enemies. [Going to unlock the door. Mrs. Hei. There's impudence. Lord Ogl. The mystery thickens. Lady of the bed- chamber ! [To Betty, \ open the door, and intreat Sir John Melvil (for the ladies will have it that he is there,) to ap- pear and answer to high crimes and misdemeanors. Call Sir John Melvil into court. Enter Sir John Melvil, on the other side. Sir John. I am here, my lord. Mrs. Het Heyday ! Miss Ster, Astonishment ! Sir John. What is all this alarm and confusion! there is nothing but hurry in the house : what ia the reason of it? Lord Ogl. Because you have been in that chamber; fcEHElI.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 79 have been ! nay, you are there at this moment, as these ladies have protested, so don't deny it. Traverse. This is the clearest alibi I ever knew, Mr. Sergeant. Floicer. Luce clarius. Lord Ogl. Upon my vi^ord, ladies, if you have often these frolics, it would be really entertaining to pass a whole summer with you. But come — [To Betty,] open the door, and intreat yuur amiable mistress to come forthj and dispel all our doubts with her smiles. Betty. \Opening the door.] Madam, you are wanted in this room. [Pertly. Enter Fanny, in great confusion. Miss Ster. You see she's ready dressed — and what con- fusion she's in. M7-S. Heidel. Ready to pack off, bag and baggage ! Her guilt confounds her ! Floicer. Silence in the court, ladies ! Fanny. I am confounded, indeed, madam ! Lord Ogl. Don't droop, my beauteous lily ! but with your own peculiar modesty declare your state of mind. Pour conviction into their ears, and raptures into mine. \Smiling. Fanny. I am at this moment the most unhappy — most distressed— the tumult is too much for my heart — and I want the power to reveal a secret, which to conceal has been the misfortune and misery of my — my — \Faints away. Lord Ogl. She faints ; help! help! for "' the fairest and best of women ! Betty. [Running to her.] Oh, my dearest ! Speaking mistress ! help, help, there ! | all at once. Sir John. Ha ! let me fly to her assis- tance. 3 Love WELL rushes out of the Chamber. JjOV. My Fanny in danger — I can restrain myself no longer. — Prudence were now a crime ; all other cares were lost in this ' — Sj>eak, speak to me, my dearest Fanny! Let me but hear thy voice, open your eyes, and bless me with the smallest sign of life ! [During this speech they are all in amazement. 80 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [AcT V. 3Iui Sicr. Lovewell ! — I am easy ! Mrs. Heidel. I am thunderstruck ! Lord Ogl. I am petrified ! Sir John. And I undone ! Fanny. [Recovering.] O Lovewell ! — even sup j)or ted by thee, I dare not look my father nor his lordship in the face. Ster. What now ! did not I send you to London, sir ] Lord Ogl. Eh ! — What ! — How's this 1 — By what right and title have you been half the night in that lady's bed- chamber ? Lov. By that right which makes me the happiest of men ; and by a title which I would not forego, for any the best of kings could give. Betty. I could cry my eyes out to hear his magnanimity. Lord Ogl. I am annihilated ! Ster. I have been choaked with rage and wonder ; but now I can speak. — Zounds ! what have you to say to me 1 — Lovewell, you are a villain. — You have broke your word with me. Fanny. Indeed, sir, he has not — you forbad him to think of me, when it was out of his power to obey you ; we have been married these four months. Ster. And he sha'n't stay in my house four hours. What baseness and treachery ! As for you, you shall repent this step as long as you live, madam. Fanny. Indeed, sir, it is impossible to conceive the tor- tures I have already endured in consequence of my diso- bedience. My heart has continually upbraided me for it ; and though I was too weak to struggle with affection, I feel that I must be miserable for ever without your for- giveness. Ster. Lovewell, you shall leave my house directly, — and you shall follow him, madam. [ To Fanny. Lord Ogl. And if they do, I will receive them into mine. Lookyee, Mr. Sterling, there have been some mistakes, which we had all better forget for our own sakes ; and the best way to forget them is to forgive the cause of them ; which I do from my soul. — Poor girl ! I svv'ore to support her affection with my life and fortune ; 'tis a debt of ho- nour, and must be paid — you swore^ as much, too, Mr Sterling ; but your laws in the city will excuse you, I sup Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MAJkRIAGE. 81 pose ; for you never strike a balance without eri'ors ex- cepted. Stcr. I am a father, my lord ; but for the sake of all other fathers, I think I ought not to forgive her, for fear of encouraging other silly girls like herself to throw them- selves away without the consent of their pai-ents. Lov. I hope there will be no danger of that, sir. Young ladies, with minds like my Fanny's, would startle at the very shadow of vice ; and when they know to what unea- siness only an indiscretion has exposed her. her example, instead of encouraging, will rather serve to deter them. Mrs. Heidel. Indiscretion, quotha ! a mighty pretty de- licac word to express obedience ! Loi'd Ogl. For my part, I indulge my own passijDS too much to tyrannize over those of other people. Poor souls, I pity them. And you must forgive them too. Come, come, melt a little of your flint, Mr. Sterling ! Ster. Why, why, as to that, my lord — to be sure, he is a relation of yours, my lord — what say you, sister Heidel berg % Mrs. Heidel. The girl's ruined, and I forgive her. Ster. Well — so do I, then — Nay, no thanks — \To Love- well and Fanny, who seem preparing to speak] — there's an end of the matter. Lord Ogl. But, Lovewell, what makes you dumb all this while ? Lov. Your kindness, my lord. — I can scarce belies e my own senses — they are all in a tumult of fear, joy, love, ex- pectation, and gratitude ; I ever was, and am now more bound in duty to your lordship. For you, Mr. Sterling, if every moment of my life, spent gratefully in your service, will in some measure compensate the want of fortune, you perhaps will not repent your goodness to me. And you, ladies, I flatter myself, will not for the future suspect me of artifice and intrigue — I shall be happy to oblige and serve you. — As for you. Sir John — Sir John. No apologies to me, Lovewell, I do not de- serve any. All I have to offer in excuse for what has hap- pened, is my total ignorance of your situation. Had you dealt a little more openly with me, you would have saved me, and yourself, and that lady, (who I hope will pardon my behaviour,) a great deal of uneasiness. Give me leave, 82 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. f Act V however, to assure you, that light and capricious as I may have appeared, now my infatuation is over, I have sensi- Dility enough to be ashamed of the part I have acted, and honour enough to rejoice at your happiness. Lov. And now, my dearest Fanny, though we are seem- ingly the happiest of beings, yet all our joys will be dampea, if his lordship's generosity, and Mr. Sterling's forgiveness, should not be succeeded by the indulgence, approbation, and consent of these our best benefactors. [ To tlie Audience. DISPOSITION OF THE CHARACTERS AT THE FALL OF THE CURTAIN. Stkk. Lord O. Fannt. Love. Mrs. H. Miss Stir. SwJ a.) [t- THE KNP. (Catiiluyue coiUinued from second page of aiver.) VOL. XLI. m The P Irate' s Legacy JM The Charcoal Burner S13 Adelgitha SM Pea or Valiente JM Forest Rose 32« nnkes Daiiijhter M7 Camilla's Husband SJ8 Pure Oold VOL. XLII. 329 Ticket of Leave Man 330 Fool' 8 Revenge 331 O'Nfilthe Great 3.1'2 Handy Andy 333 Pirate of the Isles 33* Panchon 3.3.'. Little Barefoot 336 ■STild Irish Cirl VOL. XLm. 337 Pearl of Savoy 338 Dead Heart Hamlet, In Thn* Aota The Oath of OfBee Onttle & Oulpit Bound Volumes, containing Eight Play^. .. $1 25 The Guide to the Stage, by Leman Thomas Rede. Containing Clear and Full Directions for obtaining Theatrical Eiigagements, with complete and valuable instructiona for beginners, relative to salaries, rules, ui an- ! ner of going through Rehearsals, securing proper dresses, conduct at a first appearance, Ac, &c. To which is added a list of the principal English and American Theatres. Edited and adapted to the American S'age by Francis C. 'VTimtss. Price 15 Cent: Massey's Exhibition Reciter and Drawing Room Entertainments, cts. Heing choice Recitations in prose and verse. Together with an unique collection of I'etite Comedies, Dramas and Farces, adapted for the use of Schools and Families. Hy Charles Massey, Professor of Klocution at Burlington College, N. J., and Me- . hanics' Society School, Ncsr York City. Two numbers per number, oq rhe Two numbers, bound in cloth, School style m^ Dramas for the Dra-wrtng Room, by Miss Keating 4Q Plays for the Parlor, by Miss Keating 4q Acting Charades, by Miss Pickering 4O Joe Miller's Own Jest Book 40 Life of a Shoivman, by Davip Princr Miller 40 Punch and Judy, Illustrated - 40 Comic Dramas, for College, Camr or Cabin, (Male Characters only,) 40 Dramas for Boys, (Male Char rs only,) by Miss Keating 40 Home Plays for Ladies, lale Charactcis only ) complete in 2 parts each 40 ; An Eveningr's Entert^ nent, an original Comedy, a Burlesque and Farce 40 Shalispeare's Prov s, by Mrs. Cotvdin Clarke- 80 Playgoer's Journal, 3 parts each. 80 THE ETHIOPIAN DRAMA. Robert Make-Airs. Box and Cox. Mazeppa. United States Mail. The Coopers. Old Dad's Cabin. The Rival Lovers. The Sham Doctor. Jolly Millers. Villikins and his Dinnah. The Q,uack Doctor. The Mystic Spell. The Black Statue. JSfo. 1. 2. ' 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. rhe above Dramas have been produced with the utmost care, not only to the conectne.ss • text, but to all the Stage Directions, Properties, and other minutiw, pertaining to being properly placed on the Stage. Although these Dramas are specially adapted tliiopian entertainments, they are well fitted for Private Theatricals. 9~ NOTICE. — Owing to the continued increase in price «/ Press 'Work, P*per and Binding, we sliall he obliged to charge Fifteen Cents at Retail, for the .Standard and Minor Drama. — January 1st, 1864. Any of the above sent by Mail or Express on receipt of price, SAMTJEL FRENCH, Publisher, 122 Xassau Street, (Up Stairs.) Agent for Lacy's, Cumberland's, and Webster's English Plays. No. 14. Uncle Jeff. 15. The Mischievous Nigger. 16. The Black Shoemaker. 17. The Magic Penny. 18. The Wreck. 19. Oh, Hush ! or. The Vir- ginny Cupids. 20. The Portrait Painter. 21. The Hop of Fashion. 22. Bone Squash. 23. The Vivginia Miimmy. 24. Thieves at the Mill. 25. Comedy of Errors. FRENCH'S MINOR DRAMA Price 15 Cents each.— Bound Volumes $1.26. VOL. I. 1 The Irish Attorney 2 Boots at the Swan 3 How to pay the Rent 4 The Loan of a Lover 5 The Dead Shot 6 His Last Legs T The Invisible Prince 8 The Golden Parmer VOL. II. 9 Pride of the Market 10 Used Up 11 The Irish Tutor j 12 The Barraoli Room 13 Liilie the Laborer 14 Beauty and the Beast 15 St. Patricli's Eve I 16 Captain of the Vatch VOL. III. 17 The Secret fpers 1 18 White Horse of the Pep- ! 19 The Jacobite 20 The Bottle j 21 Box and Cox I 22 Bamboozling j 23 Widow 8 Victim 24 Robert Macaire i VOL, IV. i 25 Secret Service j 26 Omnibus - - ] 27 Irish Lion ' :i 28 Maid cf Croissy ■■ ' 29 The Old Suard j 30 Raising the Wind : 31 Slasher and Crashe.- ! 32 Naval Engagements VOL. V. 33 Cooknies in California 34 Who Speaks First ; 35 Bombastes Furioso I 3C Macbeth Travestie j 37 Irish Ambassador 38 Delicate Ground ; 39 The Weathercock [Gold 40 All that Glitters is Not VOL. VI. 41 Grimshaw, Bagshaw and ; Bradshaw 42 Rough Diamonil I 43 Bloomer Costume 44 Two Bonnjeastleg I 45 Born to Good Luck I 46 Kiss in the Dark [jorer VOL. VII. 49 Box and Cox Married and 50 St. Cupid [Settled 51 Go-to-befl Tom 52 The Lawyers 53 Jack Sheppard j 54 The Toodles ; 55 The Mobcap : 56 Ladies Beware j VOL. VIII. I OT Morning Call j 58 Popping the Question 59 Deaf as a Post 60 New Footman .61 Pleasant Neighbor ! 62 Paddy the Piper 63 Brian OLinu 64 Irish Assurance VOL. IX. 65 Temptation 66 Paddy Carey 67 Two Gregories , 63 King Charming i 69 Po ca-hon-tas i 70 Clockmaker's Hat I 71 .Vlarried Rake I 73 Love and Murder ' VOL. XXXVII. j2Sn All iho World's a stage . 290 Quash, or Niggfr Praolic. ; J9I Turn Him Out 2fl2 Prellv Oirls of Rlinber,. (293 ADjfioflhe Attin I 294 rirrnm.stances AllerCaie 296 Kativ O'Sheal 1 29C A Supper in Dllie VOL. X. VOL. XIX. 73 Ireland and Amerio;. 145 Columbus 74 Pretty Piece of Business 146 Harlequin Bluebeard 75 Irish Broom maker ]147 Lauie* at Home 76 To Paris and Back foril48 Phenomenon in a Smock e Pounds 77 That Blessed Baby 78 .)urQal 79 Swiss Cottage 80 Young Widow VOL. XI. Frock j 149 Comedy and Tragedy 150 Opposite Neighbors 151 Dutchman's Ghost |l52 Kerseouted Dutchman Vol. XX. 81 O'Flannigan and the Fa- 153 Musard Ball 82 Irish Post | ries 154 Great Tragic Revival 83 My Neighbor's Wife 84 Irish Tiger 85 P . P . , or Man and Tiger 80 To Oblige Benson 87 State Secrets 88 Irish Yankee VOL. XII. 89 A Good Fellow 90 Cherrv and Fair Star 91 Gale Breezely 92 Our Jemimy 93 Millers Maid 94 Awkward Arrival 9o Crossing the Line 96 Conjugal Lesson VOL. XIII. 97 My Wife's Mirror 93 Life in New York 99 .Middy Ashore 100 Crown Prince 101 Two Queens 102 Thiimping Legacy 103 Unfinished Uentlemaa 104 House Dog VOL, XIV. 105 The Demon Lover 106 Matrimony 107 In and Out of Place 108 I Dine with My Mother 109Hi-awa-tha 110 Andy Blake 111 Love in '76 (ties 112 Romance under Difficul VOL. XV. 113 One Coat for 2 Suits 114 A Decided Case 115 Daughter [nority II6N0; or, the Glorious Mi 117 Coroner's Inquisiiion 118 Love in Humble Life 119 Family Jars 130 Personation VOL. XVI. 121 Children in the Wood 123 Winning a Husband 133 Day after (lie Fair 124 Make Your Wills 125 Rendezvous 126 My Wife's Husband 127 Monsieur Tonsou 128 Illustrious Stranger VOL. XVII 129 Mischief-Making (Mine; 130 A Live Woman in the 131 The Corsair 1.32 Shjiock 133 Spoiled Child 134 Evil Eye 135 Nothing to Nurse 136 Wanted a Widow VOL. XVIII. 137 Lottery Ticket 133 Fortune's Frolic 139 Is he Jealous? 140 Married Bachelor 141 Husband at Sight 142 Irishman in London 143 Animal Magne'ism ll44 Highwavs and By- Ways, 155 High Low Jack & Game l.'>6 A Gentleman from Ire- 157 Tom and Jerry |land 1.58 Village Lawyer 159 Captain's not A. miss 160 Amateurs and Actors VOL. XXI. 161 PiomDtion [ual 162 A F.-^scinating Tndivid- 163 Mrs, Caudle 164 Shakspeare's Dream 165 Neptune's Defeat 166 Ladv of Bedchamber 167 Take Care of Little 168 Irish Widow ( Charley VOL. XXII. 169 Yankee Peddlar 170 Hiram Hireout 171 Double. Bedded Room 112 The Drama Defended 173 Vermont Wool Dealer 74 Ebenezer Venture (ter 175 Principles from Charao- 176 Lady of (he Lake (Trav) VOL XXIII. 177 Mad Dogs 178 Barney the Baron 179 Swiss Swains 180 Bachelor' s Bedroom 181 A Roland for an Oliver 18'2 More Blunder* than One 183 Dumb Belle 184 Limerick Boy VOL. XXIV. 185 Nature and Philosophy 18b Teddy the Tiler 187 Spectre Bridgroom 188 Mattco Falcone 189 Jenny Lind 190 Two Buzzards 191 Happy Man 192 Betsy Baker VOL. XXV. 193 No. 1 Round the Corner 194 Teddy Roe 195 0bj.ct of Interest 196 My Fellow Clerk 197 Bengal Tiger 198 Laughing Hyena 199 The Victor Vanquished '200 Our Wife VOL. XXVI. •201 My Husband's Mirror 202 Yankee Laud. 203Narah Creina 204Goo'l for Nothing 205 The First Night 206 The Eton Boy 207 Wanderins Minstrel ■208 Wanted, 1000 Milliners VOL. XXVII. 209 Poor Pilcoddy ?10 The Mummy [Glasses 211 Don't Forget your Opera 212 Lo-e in Livery 213 Anthony aad Cleopatra ,'2UTryiug'ltOn. 215 Staqe Struck Yankee 216 Young Wife & Old Um brella VOL. XXVm. 217 Crinoline 218 A Family Faill^ 219 Adopted Child 220 Turned Heads 221 A Match in the Dai 222 Advice to Husband 223 Siamese Twins 224 Sent to the ToWir VOL. XXIJS 225 Somebody EIse>, 226 Ladies Battle ? 2'i7 Art of Acting ? 228 The Lady ofthetli 2'29 The Rights of Kto 230 My Husbands Otc 231 Two Can Playi»t Game "•. 232 Fighting by Pro:^ VOL. XXX. i 233 Unprotected Perns' 234 Pet of the Petticcs '235 Forty and Fifty 236 Who Stole the P '237 Mv Son Di