^ 7 05^ MARCH'S FAMOUS FUNNY FARCES MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers, LEBANON, OHIO PS 635 Copy 1 Aunt Jane Visits School By Jeannette Joyce Copyright, 1920, by ]March Brothers CHARACTERS Teacher — Entirely modern. Aunt Jane — Who ivent to school fifty years ago. Pupils — Any number. Scene: A modern school room. Teacher at desk. {Aimt Jane enters and looks about.) / Teacher : Good morning, can I do anything for you? Aunt Jane: "Well, I don't know whether you can or not, I 'lowed to visit school today, and my niece Sarah told me if I'd come in here, I'd see a first-rate school right up to date, so here I be. Teacher {giving here visitor a chair) : We are glad to have \'isitors at any time. Just now we are ready for our lesson in domestic art. {Addressing school.) We will take up our work where we left it yesterday. {All take out sewing or knitting from boxes or bags and busy themselves. Teacher walks about, giving suggestions. Aunt Jane mystified, opens her mouth several times in vain effort to speak, fifially bursts forth.) Aunt Jane: My souls alive! Is this a school? I 'lowed to visit a school not a Ladies' Aid or Sewing Society; and boys knittin', too. Well, well, no wonder people say our country's goin' to the dogs. What's the use of this ? Can 't these girls learn to sew at home ? Where 's their mothers ? Teacher: Many of them can not. Their mothers, in some cases, must work away from home and have no time to teach them. Then, too, some mothers do not know how. Aunt Jane : Maybe so, maybe so, but we never had such doin 's in my school "^^d look at me; I've alius had stylish clothes to wear, and made 'em ■», hfif skirts with pride.) Aunt Jane Vi>;rTs School ■ \ -^"^ Teacher: Is there any work you would particularly like to see? We do exceptionally good work in manual training. Aunt Jane: IManual training! That sounds right; I believe in training. I tell ray niece Sarah there aint enough of it by no means in. this day. I'd admire to see a class in training. Teacher {to class) : "VVe will show our visitor some of our work in manual, training. Let us do our best to prove how busy and skillful we can be. {Each desk heco^yies a work-icnch. Both hoys and girls hegm sawing, pound- ing, measuring and fitting together pieces of wood. Aunt Jane astonished, tries to shiit out noise hij holding hands over her ears. Filially she grabs her umhrella and pounds on floor.) Aunt Jane: Stop this racket; I say stop it, can't you? {Teacher silences all hy lifting hand. Pupils husy themselves with various tasks hut glance up with amused eyes at visitor, from time to time.) Aunt Jane: Now I didn't lay out this morning to visdt a carpenter's shop, nor a blacksmith's establishment — I came to visit school. Teacher: Why this is school. These children are being educated through the use of the hand. It has been discovered that wonderful mental develop- ment results from just 'such exercise. Aunt Jane: Law, you don't say! Well, it's a wonder old Sawyer, the wood- chopper as chopped wood in our neighborhood goin' on sixty years, didn't turn out a Solomon. Teacher: The reason is his energy was not directed. I think perhaps you would enjoy seeing a class in folk dancing. That demonstrates the manner in which even the training of the foot enlarges the mind. Aunt Jane: Do you mean to say you teach dancin'? Teach dancin' right in the school house? Well, wonders never cease! No, I don't want to see it. Hearin' of it's enough. And as to its helpin' the mind, if that's so, what's the reason my second cousin's boy, Sam, who can dance as purty a jig as you ever see, is only about half-witted? Teacuer {still anxious to impress her visitor) : We teach many other things. Education has become very broad. We aim to educate every part of the child. Aunt Jane: Well, I should say so. Do you have any lessons at all? Teacher: Why, these are lessons, all of them. Aunt Jane: Shucks, you may think so, I s'pose you do; but I mean real les- sons that make you work up here {taps forehead), and remember, like n^- old spelling matches and figgering drills. Let's hear - ' ^ Aunt Jane Visits School Teacher: Really, I am very sorry, but this is Tuesday, and our work in domestic science, manual training, home decorating, dress making, drawing, music and physical culture take up the entire day. We have spelling on Friday, and we do some work in arithmetic on that day, too. Could you come back to see us then ? Aunt Jane {leaving) : No, I couldn't. Look here, you're a nice young thing, and these children are real pert lookin' — most of 'em — ^but if you call this a school, you're mistaken, that's all. You ought to 'a seen Persimmon Ridge School where I went fifty years ago. {Curtain) il MARCH'S FAMOUS FUNNY FARCES Fiv« for 25 cents. Not Lesa than Five Sold. ArNT JANE VISIT8 SCHOOL. By .Toannpttc Joyoo. Any nnmlxT of males and females. After fifty years Auul Jane spends u niorninR In a modern scb I NCLK JOSH. By Kffie Louise Koogle. 1 male, 2 females. These eccentric folk visit the school, producing no end of fun. AINT Ll'ClNDY STAYS. By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 females. Two darky characters make lots of fun. L'lever and clean. "BEAT IT!" By Willis N. BuglK-e. 3 males, 1 female. A ecoldine wife makes trouble for everybod.v, the parson Included. Oc<>ans of fun. BETTY .\ND BETSY'. By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 females. Betsy was advertised for sale, but he wanted Betiy. Bricbt and pretty. THE Bl'GTOWN BAND. By Archibald Humboldt. 4 males. 1 female. More fun than you can Imagine. and a little music which anylwdy can make. THE BIZZVILLE NEWS. By Etfie Louise Koogle. 2 males, 1 female. A breezy conversation between the manager and new editor. A sure hit. DOT ENTERTAINS. By Klizab.th F. Guptill. 1 male, 1 female. Dot entertains her big sister's beau, inul the tilings she tells him are a plenty. A bic success. THE es lor which Ma is too stout and I'a is too rheumatic. Killingly funnv. A PROPOSAL IN GRANDMA'S DAY, By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 2 females. Full of fun for the modern audience. RASTIS BLINK'S MINSTRELS. By Effie Louise Koogle. For any number. His "Kinky Koons" are killing. The joUiest minstrel show ever. A deluge of drollery. "SCAT!" By Ijonise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 female. Cunning attempt of an olil maid to prove her youth. Very laughable. SEEING THE ANI.MALS. By Clara J. Denton. 1 male, 2 females. A swell hotel clerk, a suffragette, and a srH.)iled child make a lively time. A lilt. THE SQCASHVILLE FIRE BRIGADE. By Willis N. Bugbee. 3 males, 2 females, and other Bremen, if desired. A brisk an