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/ 
 
 . 
 
 BIOGRAPHICAL 
 
 AND OTHER EXTRAC 
 
 FROM 
 
 The Manuscript Writings 
 
 OF 
 
 $A@St^lB? paa«©Ha 
 
 — ♦ 
 
 "Gather up the fragments that remain, that 
 nothing be lost" 
 
 ,v V ~ 
 
 PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY W. ALEXANDER AND SON, , 
 
 CASTLEGATE .* 
 
 SOLD ALSO BY HARVEY AND DARTON, W. PHILLIPS, AND 
 
 W. DARTON, LONDON; 
 
 AND CHRISTOPHER BENTHAM, DVULIN. 
 
 J 822. 
 
 7N 
 
Mi- 
 
TO THE ENGLISH EDITION. 
 
 By a note attached to the original impression of these 
 Extracts, it appears that the arrangement of the Ameri- 
 can Edition, is taken from the Author's manuscript ; 
 which is generally without dates, and is considered to 
 have been written in the latter part of his life. From the 
 same source, we also derive information, that the Au- 
 thor's notes or memorandums, did not appear to be ar- 
 ranged according to the order of time, or of the events 
 to which they relate. 
 
 With respect to many of his remarks, this want of 
 method, appears to the editor of the present Edition, 
 to be immaterial; but with those of a narrative kind, 
 which, from their dates or other circumstances, are evi- 
 dently out of place, the liberty of transposition has been 
 deemed not only allowable but essential. 
 A2 
 
 
IV PREFACE. 
 
 As intimated in the u Introduction, " issued by the 
 Meeting for Sufferings in Virginia, the reader must not 
 expect the production of literary attainments. He may 
 however find enough to satisfy the piously disposed mind, 
 that true religious experience may be very desirably 
 made known, in broken fragments, without the flowing 
 garb of erudition, or the polish of refined education. In 
 some instances, the Editor of this edition, has ventured 
 to correct slight grammatical inaccuracies, considering it 
 no more than is due, to one, who was not possessed of 
 the means of attaining to correct expression : at the same 
 time, he has not altered the phraseology which he found 
 in the American Edition ; except in a passage or two, 
 which on the first reading, were either ambiguous or lia- 
 ble to misconstruction. 
 
 York. 1822. 
 
INTRODUCTION. 
 
 Our worthy friend, Barn a by Nixon, left, at 
 his death, a collection of memorandums, relating to 
 some transactions of his life, with sentiments and 
 reflections on religious subjects. From these memo- 
 randa the following extracts have been taken } and 
 although to select and prepare them for publica- 
 tion, has been a work, attended with some pains 
 and difficulty, it has also been attended with the be- 
 lief that they may contribute to the satisfaction and 
 improvement of religious minds. With this sole 
 view, they are now offered to the public. In doing 
 which, it may be proper to observe, that the author 
 possessed but a slender education; and as his man* 
 ner of expression is generally preserved, the lan- 
 guage is frequently incorrect, as respects gramma- 
 tical propriety. The trans itions from one subject 
 a3 
 
INTRODUCTION 
 
 to another ; are, in many instances, sudden: but 
 this, from the nature of the compilation, appeared 
 to be unavoidable. Sometimes, however, connecting 
 or explanatory sentences, have been introduced, by 
 the compiler, and, sometimes, summary accounts, 
 of particular passages of the Author'' s life. 
 
 With respect to the life and character of this 
 friend, it may not be improper to inform the read- 
 er, that he ivas born about the 1st month, 1752. 
 His parents were Phineas and Mary Nixon, 
 of Perquemons County, North Carolina ; who, in 
 the management of their children, were careful to 
 restrain them from evil. 
 
 He was sober, and religiously inclined, in early 
 life, and as he advanced in age, he grew in reli- 
 gious experience, and received a gift in the minis- 
 try ; in the exercise of which, he manifested much 
 sincerity and zeal. He was exemplary in the at- 
 tendance of religious meetings ; and in his manner 
 
INTRODUCTION. Vii 
 
 of living, he was so abstemious, as wholly to de- 
 cline the use of flesh, as an article of food. And 
 notwithstanding we believe, that this particular sin- 
 gularity/ is not generally incumbent on Christians, 
 yet, as his practice was founded on conscientious 
 scruple, and accompanied with evidences of sincer- 
 ity, we doubt not, according to the judgment of the 
 Apostle, Rom, xiv. that his sincerity was accepted 
 in the Divine sight. And as his conduct, in this re- 
 spect, was influenced by a full persuasion in his 
 own mind, so he manifested a desire, that others 
 might walk by the same Apostolic rule.* 
 
 And although the following pages, may show that 
 the writer was deficient in literature, and the com- 
 mand of elegant language; yet they will show 
 what is of infinitely more importance, a life exhi- 
 biting self denial, zeal, and persevering integrity 
 
 * " Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind" 
 
Vlll INTRODUCTION 
 
 to the end. The support with which he was evi* 
 dently favoured, through some dispensations, pecu- 
 liarly trying, may be considered as an evidence, 
 not only of the sincerity of his heart, but of the fa- 
 therly regard, and watchful providence of him, 
 whom he had endeavoured to serve. To conclude, 
 he was scrupulous, zealous, and almost incessant- 
 ly engaged in active services. He endured afflic- 
 tions with fortitude, and when verging towards 
 the close of life, he was enabled to look forward, 
 with humble confidence, and animating hope, to 
 that state of being, to which he was approaching. 
 
 Meeting for Sufferings, Virginia, 
 5th Month, 1814. 
 
BIOGRAPHICAL AND OTHER EXTRACTS, 
 
 fife. 
 
 4* 
 
 Before I was twenty-one years of age, in 
 qualifying as an executor to my father's will, af- 
 ter taking the affirmation which friends common- 
 ly use, as the law directs, I felt my inward peace 
 so much destroyed, that my mind was brought 
 into serious thoughtfulness on the subject; be- 
 lieving that a Christian spirit, would not require 
 such a ceremonious form of words, to bind us to 
 our iC yea " and " nay:" " for whatsoever is 
 more than these, cometh of evil. " And if those 
 words comprehend no more than yea or nay, why 
 should they be used ? 
 
 I have often been pained to see some, taking 
 the affirmation in a light, airy manner, saying ; 
 " I do solemnly, sincerely declare, " without the 
 appearance of solemnity of mind in themselves, 
 or in those about them. The more I felt after 
 
10 MEMOIRS &C. OF 
 
 this subject, the more I thought it would not be 
 right for rne to take it again. And, though I 
 have been presented for refusing, yet I never was 
 fined : neither have I ever taken the affirmation, 
 since the first uneasiness about it. 
 
 I was, many times, under a necessity of setting 
 forth, to my elder friends, the injustice of hold- 
 ing slaves ; and of pointing out, to them, the 
 iniquity of the practice. Sometimes travelling 
 friends came among us, and were moved to stir 
 up friends' minds, to a deeper consideration of 
 the subject. Thus He, with whom is no respect 
 of persons, worked both immediately and in- 
 strumentally ; until the concern became so gene- 
 ral, that the Yearly Meeting of Carolina, passed 
 a rule, that no friend should sell a slave, except 
 on some extraordinary occasion; such as keeping 
 a husband and wife from being parted, which 
 was to be judged of by the monthly meeting. 
 And, in a little time, friends were advised to set 
 their slaves free, by signing emancipations for 
 that purpose. 
 
BARNABY NIXON. 11 
 
 This was in the time of the revolutionary war. 
 The magistrates and people were highly enraged; 
 and had numbers of the emancipated black peo- 
 ple, taken up and put in jails, to be sold at the 
 County Courts. Friends employed lawyers to 
 plead their cause, which they did very notably, 
 showing that there was then, no law in force to 
 prohibit the emancipation of slaves, or to justify 
 the practice of interrupting those who had been 
 so emancipated. But the magistrates, notwith- 
 standing, arbitrarily ordered a considerable 
 number of them to be sold at public sale, both in 
 Perquemons County r , and in Pasquotank. 
 
 The case was removed to the Superior Court, 
 which gave judgment, that the proceedings of the 
 County Courts, were null and void. The Assem- 
 bly passed some kind of a law, to continue in 
 bondage, those that had been sold ; and to take 
 up and sell, any that were free by emancipation. 
 Yea, the hearts of some have been so cruel, 
 that they have, at all times of the night, gone in 
 pursuit of the free black people — breaking open 
 houses. Some that have fled, have been shot, 
 and others taken with violent dogs, when the 
 
12 MEMOIRS, &C. OF 
 
 poor creatures had not been charged with the 
 breach of any law ; and only because they had 
 their just right to freedom granted, by their for- 
 mer owners. 
 
 For such cruel doings as these, how can the in- 
 habitants, unless they repent, and amend their 
 ways, expect any thing better to follow, than 
 some heavy judgment, as a scourge on the land,, 
 when the Lord arises, to judge the cause of the 
 poor and needy ! My mind has often been much 
 exercised, on account of that oppression, and, in 
 a particular manner, for the magistrates who 
 were concerned in it. 
 
 In speaking of the trials, which he, in common 
 with his friends, encountered during the revolu- 
 tionary war, he says : " My heavenly Guide 
 showed me, that I ought not to be driven into 
 any activity, by a spirit of fear, when otherwise 
 I should not have thought the requisition right ; 
 although there might be an appearance of great 
 sufferings ; believing that there was a higher 
 Power, than was in the spirits of threatening men: 
 and that it was my duty, and greatest interest to 
 
BAllNABY NIXON. , 13 
 
 obey that High Power, who giveth the spirit of 
 love, and of power, and also giveth sound judg- 
 ment, to discern what is right in his sight. 
 
 Oh I how wonderfully I have known this hea- 
 venly Power, to bear me up, above being brow- 
 beaten, and put out of countenance, by the proud 
 looks and haughty stations of men. I have seen 
 great sufferings, loss of time and property too, by 
 slavish fears. But if I am on the Lord's side, 
 why should I fear men ! so as to hide my proper- 
 ty or myself from them ? Let me show, that the 
 love I have for all men, overcomes fear. 
 
 In the year 1778, he married Sarah llunnicut, 
 daughter of Robert and Sarah Hunnicut, of 
 Prince George County r , Virginia / and, not long 
 after, leaving his former residence, he settled 
 within the limits of Burleigh Meeting, among 
 the relations of his wife. In these important tran- 
 sactions, it appears that he was influenced by an 
 earnest desire, to act under divine consent, and 
 that he apprehended he was favoured with it. 
 
14 
 
 That his proceedings in relation to marriage, 
 were not conducted with the levity, which is too 
 often indulged on such occasions, appears from 
 the following relation, which he gave : " When 
 we sat together, to converse on the subject, our 
 minds were over-shadowed with divine love ; our 
 hearts were softened, and our spirits contrited to 
 the divine will. We were sensible that the own- 
 ings of truth, were with us in our undertaking. " 
 
 On the subject of his removal, he said : " I be- 
 lieved that if I moved, without divine approba- 
 tion, and settled myself, where it was not my busi- 
 ness to work, I then should wither and die as to 
 religion ; and so live and die miserable. This 
 brought me under deep concern, day and night, 
 in humble prostration of soul, imploring Divine 
 counsel. — At length, He that seeth in secret, fa- 
 voured me with a belief that it was His will I 
 should move ; which settled in peace. But I felt 
 so nearly united to friends, and closely attached 
 to the meetings, where I had often been refresh- 
 ed with the overshadowings of that love, which 
 cements the members into one living body, that 
 it was a close trial to be outwardly cutoff, by re- 
 ceiving friends' certificate, which was readily 
 
BARNABY NIXON- 15 
 
 granted to me, and to Rejoined to another body 
 of friends, and become a member of other meet- 
 ings, in which I had not felt this growth of 
 harmonizing unity in truth's cause. 
 
 I have often been much concerned to see some 
 friends, so lightly change their habitations ; who 
 yet profess to be led and guided by the Spirit of 
 truth ; but do not appear engaged to seek its di- 
 rections: concluding that their own wisdom is 
 sufficient to guide them, in such important con- 
 cerns. Can such as these feel that they are con- 
 verted from the government of the spirit of this 
 world, to the obedience of Christ, and say by 
 their example, that they are purchased by Him, 
 and now are not their own ? — I firmly believe, 
 that those who are truly redeemed out of spirit- 
 ual Egypt, into the kingdom of Christ, as they 
 continue faithful, move, only as they are direct- 
 ed by Divine wisdom, in such matters of impor- 
 tance. 
 
 Their own wisdom must be kept down, and 
 "the wisdom which is from above," be depended 
 on, and waited for. And then they are led and 
 
16 MEMOIRS &C. OF 
 
 guided by an Almighty and Unerring Hand, to 
 advance the testimony and cause of righteous- 
 ness ; and are not forsaken, I can truly say, and 
 left, as sheep without a shepherd, to stray in wild 
 nature, over the world. Thanks be to the God 
 of Love ! who first loved me, and brought me in- 
 to his love, and enabled me truly to say, that I 
 have often sought his favour, and to know his 
 will, saying in secret resignation ; " Shall I do 
 this, or shall I forbear?" Then I have found 
 acceptance with Him, and He has been pleased 
 to gather unto the streams of that universal love, 
 which maketh glad his whole heritage. 
 
 I believe it is the Divine Will, in this our day, 
 that those should be convinced of their error ? 
 who think that it is only in matters of great con- 
 sequence, that Divine revelation is to be experi- 
 enced, to guide the attentive mind. Let such 
 as these consider, how they are resisting and de- 
 nying the Holy One, who hath been daily stri- 
 ving with them, by his Spirit in their hearts, in 
 little things : showing what is good, gently mo- 
 ving the mind to be faithful to his will, in little 
 
. BAKNABY NIXON. 17 
 
 things first, before great things are revealed. 
 And when evils, apparently small, have been pre- 
 sented to our minds, how hath the witness of 
 truth been raised against them, in our hearts! 
 Doth not this evidently prove, that" God is a 
 spirit ; " and beholds and encourages the least 
 good desires, in all men, every where ; offering to 
 lead and govern them all, in all things. 
 
 The Scriptures of truth abundantly unite with 
 the movings of the Divine principle, or Spirit in 
 our hearts. It was this Spirit, that opposed the 
 evil workings in Cain's mind. This, encouraged 
 Enoch in u walking with God. " This, strove 
 with the old world, who would not adhere to it, 
 when Noah, yielding faithfulness to its leadings, 
 was directed and assisted in his work, by the 
 Great Creator's power ; which saved him, and all 
 that were with him, in the works wrought by 
 faith. 
 
 As Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, yeilded obedi- 
 ence to it, their minds were drawn more and more 
 into love for its glorious beauty ; until it out bal- 
 anced every transitory enjoyment, and over- 
 
 B 
 
18 > MEMOIRS, &C OF 
 
 powered all opposition to the Divine will. Then 
 they were moved, and guided about, as the winds 
 and clouds, in obedience to the Great Creator. 
 
 Joseph was a lover of righteousness, and a 
 hater of evil; and the Lord often appeared to him 
 in prophetic dreams, mystically pointing out to 
 him things yet to come. These favors tend to 
 strengthen hope and confidence in Him, who is 
 the never failing helper of the righteous. These 
 things I pen from living experience. 
 
 Joseph's love to the Author of his life, out bal- 
 anced the pleasures of sin, which are momentary, 
 ending with a sting, and with the terrors of judg- 
 ment. u How can I do this great wickedness, and 
 sin against God !" was his language. This gained 
 Omnipotent regard, which preserved him from 
 all the malicious designs of those, that intended 
 evil against him; and exalted him above all his 
 enemies : so that confession was made in Pha- 
 raoh's Court, that the Spirit of the living God, 
 did dwell in Joseph. 
 
 I wish the present generation to consider how 
 
BARNABY NIXON. 19 
 
 far they are superior, in religious principles, to 
 those ancient heathen nations. They believed 
 in a Superior Being, who revealed His will and 
 mind to some few. But they appeared to have 
 no prospect of coming to any acquaintance with 
 Him themselves. Is not this the present state of 
 many, who do not profess to believe it to be at- 
 tainable, in this our day, to " acquaint themselves 
 with God, and be at peace," according to scrip- 
 ture exhortation; saying : Divine revelation is not 
 needful now, and not to be expected. 
 
 And many, who acknowledge that there is an 
 inward monitor, to direct man from evil, deny its 
 efficacy to overcome sin, and lead out of all evil. 
 Is not this, to accuse the Creator of being a hard 
 master; as Satan and his subjects ever have done ? 
 to call men to come out of sin, and not to aid 
 them with his Spirit to do it : and to wound the 
 conscience with a fearful dread of eternal punish- 
 ment, for living in sin, without giving them power 
 to avoid it. Or they deny its efficacy, from believ- 
 ing that no such judgment will follow their trans- 
 gression. This has been the reasoning of Satan, to 
 Adam and Eve, and to every succeeding genera- 
 
20 MEMOIRS, &C. OF 
 
 tion of men : flattering them with a false hope, of 
 enjoying great satisfaction, by going into things, 
 which they had believed were wrong : persua- 
 ding them that no such great judgments would 
 follow, as they had believed from the word of 
 Truth. But how often do men feel the judgments 
 for sin, of which they had been warned, to fall on 
 them, greater than they had expected! being 
 inwardly tormented with guilt, and " a certain 
 fearful looking for of judgment." 
 
 As the compass needle, when it has not lost the 
 lively touches of the load-stone, will point to the 
 north, and the other part, to the south, so is the 
 state of man. As long as he retains the lively 
 touches of the love of God, in his heart, he can 
 secretly discern the pointings of the Divine Will, 
 and perceive the will of the flesh, contrary to it. 
 But man, by long continuing in sin, may los< 
 that love to Truth he once had ; become a hatei 
 of it, and of the light in him ; because it so oftej 
 reproves him for evil. Then this Spirit may be 
 withdrawn from striving any longer with him, as 
 it was from the old world. Or he may seek for 
 favor, and counsel, when in great distress, and 
 
BARNABY NIXON. 21 
 
 not obtain it; and the things which belong to his 
 peace may be hid from his eyes : because he has 
 endeavoured to stifle the witness of truth in his 
 heart : doing despite to the Spirit of grace ; tramp- 
 ling under foot the offers of salvation ; counting 
 the blood of the covenant, an unholy thing. 
 
 My heart is moved, while I write, with desires, 
 that men may be redeemed from the power of 
 Satan, and his kingdom of darkness; and be 
 brought into the power of God, and his marvel- 
 lous light. 
 
 The Lord has formed man, with a desire to take 
 up his abode with him, and tabernacle in him ; 
 tnat His kingdom may come to be known in man ; 
 and his will to be done, as it is in Heaven. And 
 what an evident demonstration of this desire, is 
 man often favored with, by the still, small voice 
 of Heavenly Love, following him, from time to 
 time; — showing what is good; — knocking as at 
 the door of his heart, for him to receive this love, 
 and not to keep it out, by cleaving to the vain 
 pleasures of sin ! 
 
22 MEMOIRS &C. OF 
 
 ons, 
 
 Let us all submit ourselves to these visitations, 
 as Jacob of old did, when he found the Lord 
 was with him, in the night season, opening hea- 
 venly visions in his mind. He then said : " Surely 
 the Lord is in this place, and I knew it not ! How 
 dreadful is this place ! this is none other but the 
 house of God, and this the gate of Heaven I " 
 And Jacob vowed a vow, saying : " If God will 
 be with me, and will keep me in this way that I 
 go, and give me bread to eat, and raiment to put 
 on, — then shall the Lord be my God. " We also 
 find that the Divine presence, did go with " poor 
 worm Jacob," and keep him in the way he should 
 
 The path of the just, shineth brighter and 
 brighter as they diligently walk in the light. And 
 by every act of obedience, men grow stronger to 
 encounter trials. Seeing negligence in perform- 
 ing our duty, leaves us more in Satan's power, 
 how needful it is, to be steadily pressing after the 
 Father's love, which is the spiritual light and life 
 of men ! How needful to be watching unto pray- 
 er ! to feel the mind secretly breathing after it ! 
 
BARNABY NIXON. 23 
 
 These, if they continue in the right hunger, will 
 befed. 
 
 The Most High, by his Holy Spirit, reveals 
 his will to all men, requiring obedience to it. 
 And there can be no hiding from his view ; for 
 he searcheth out all the hidden works of men, 
 which are done in darkness ; and he never 
 approves sin, in any one ; because he calls for 
 only what he has revealed as the duty of man, 
 and given him ability to perform. 
 
 Can any confute this truth : The Author of our 
 being has placed in us, that which reveals good 
 and evil! or can any one say that we cannot 
 answer the end of our creation, by complying 
 with what the Creator requires of us ! We know 
 that Creating Power has placed in us, a some* 
 thing, which shows these things. Let it be called 
 what it may, we know that it must be something 
 good; because it never moves the mind to any 
 thing, but that which is good. — Notwithstanding 
 all this, when men are not disposed to yield 
 obedience to known duties, they endeavour to 
 
24 MEMOIRS &C. OF 
 
 invalidate the calls of this something, by dispu- 
 ting its authority and power. 
 i 
 
 In the year 1782, and before he had appeared 
 in the ministry, he felt a concern to visit a pre- 
 parative meeting, held at Thomas Sadler's in 
 Brunswick County. And, although he at first 
 put it off, and had many reasonings against it, he 
 was, at length, induced to give up to the little 
 lively manifestation of duty. He accordingly 
 attended the meeting, accompanied by Joseph 
 Butler. Of this visit he gave the following 
 account : " Truth opened our way for labour, in 
 the meeting, far beyond our expectations ; and 
 a great change was wrought in my feelings : I 
 went from home, weeping, and strewing my tears 
 under the burden of the cross ; and I returned, 
 crowned with peace, and the Heavenly Father's 
 love." 
 
 He performed, as companion to our friend 
 James Ladd, a religious visit to friends of the 
 lower parts of North Carolina. In an account 
 which he left of this visit, he expressed the fol- 
 
 
BAUNABY NIXOX. 25 
 
 lowing sentiments : " When the Lord's servants 
 are kept humble, under the holy anointing, they 
 believe the time is hastening for all old things to 
 be removed : in which the elements will melt 
 with fervent heat, and these earthly tabernacles 
 must all pass away : and the righteous, according 
 to the promise, look for the coming of new Hea- 
 vens, when their spirits will ascend to God who 
 gave them. Oh ! what manner of people ought 
 we to be, in all manner of holy conversation, and 
 godliness ! What diligence ought there to be, 
 that we may be found without spot and blame- 
 less ! What boldness, thui, is felt in the causa 
 of Truth ! The fear of displeasing man, is then 
 overcome. In feeling these things, I have, many 
 times, thought I might truly say, as a servant 
 formerly did, that it was good for me that I was 
 afflicted ; for before, I went astray ; but after I 
 was afflicted, I learned His statutes ; so that I 
 have been enabled to sing of his mercies, and 
 also of his judgments." 
 
 As I knew that one hour, in the Divine pre- 
 sence, was better than a thousand elsewhere, I 
 
26 MEMOIRS," &C. OF 
 
 often desired to feel this, by my fire-side, before 
 I went to bed. And, sometimes, before I expe- 
 rienced the blessing, I had to go down into deep 
 troubles, and submit to the way of the Lord's 
 coming ; to burn as an oven, to do away all the 
 high notions, and stubborn works of pride, and 
 the light, airy chaffiness of the mind : that I might 
 -be cleansed and sanctified, for the Holy presence 
 to come in, and tabernacle with me. Then it is, 
 that the Lord will bless, and will multiply his 
 favors ! Oh how thankful I ought to be, for the 
 many favors that have been bestowed upon me. 
 
 The Prophet, in speaking of the blessings 
 which were intended for the righteous, also point- 
 ed out the means, by which the blessing was to 
 be obtained : " Every battle of the warrior is with 
 confused noise, and garments rolled in blood;" 
 and then he says : " But this shall be with burn- 
 ing, and fuel of fire ; for unto us a Child is born, 
 unto us a Son is given, and the government shall 
 be upon His shoulders, and His name shall be 
 called, Wonderful, Counsellor, the Mighty God, 
 the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace." 
 
BARNABY NIXON. 27 
 
 Here the Christian's warfare is described ; — the 
 conflicts of those, who come to know the blessing 
 of Christ's coming, to take the government on His 
 shoulders — to be their Wonderful, Counsellor, 
 and to rule in them as a mighty God and everlast- 
 ing Father : for " Zion shall be redeemed with 
 judgment, and her converts with righteousness." 
 
 But alas ! too many turn their backs in the day 
 of battle, because they will not submit to this in- 
 ward burning ; but flee from it, into conversation, 
 or some other earthly enjoyment; so they nou- 
 rish those attachments to this world, which ought 
 to have been given up, as fuel to the fire : and 
 thus they strengthen self will. These do not love 
 silent waiting ; but keep themselves intoxicated 
 with their sensualities, until their minds become 
 so captivated, that they have no power to come 
 into Zion's quiet habitation. 
 
 — *wi«— 
 
 I often felt earnest cravings to be^n the Divine 
 Presence ; and often sought after it, in the night 
 season, and in solitary places. In these exercises 
 
28 MEMOIRS, &C. OF 
 
 of mind, I met with joyful satisfaction, when 
 others were asleep, and no human eye beheld 
 me. 
 
 Sometimes, however, I was greatly beset with 
 reasonings against the practice of solemn retire- 
 ment, with my family. I endeavoured to avoid 
 the cross, by .keeping my exercise to myself, 
 secreted from my family. I earnestly desired 
 to find the feeding place of Christ's flock, 
 that I might rest from the troubles of this world. 
 But my desire was denied, with a language 
 similar to this : " Go thy way by the footsteps of 
 the flock, and feed thy kids beside the shep- 
 herd's tent." So I could not be fed, until I called 
 my family from the noise and tumults of the 
 world, to sit with me, in silence; that they might 
 feel something, better than their childish vanities. 
 Then, when I submitted to the cross, and all 
 were silent, we were watered and refreshed toge 
 ther. 
 
 I have experienced many trials, respecting t 
 attendance of religious meetings, when I have 
 been under much infirmity of body, or other 
 
BARNABY NIXON. 29 
 
 difficulties or obstructions. But He that loved 
 me, supported and preserved me through many 
 s uch trials ; and I have been made to rejoice 
 under the canopy of Divine Love. How good it 
 is, to be desirous to bring forth acceptable fruit 
 to the Lord ! Those who are thus engaged, can 
 sing, as Mary did : " My soul doth magnify the 
 Lord! and my spirit hath rejoiced in God my 
 Saviour!" 
 
 Oh ! what need there is, for all, before it is too 
 late, to know the good seed which is sown in 
 their hearts, to " take root downward, and bear 
 fruit upwards," while their summer lasteth ; lest 
 their harvest be over — their summer ended — and 
 they not saved. Then it will be too late to labour ; 
 and great will be that man's disappointment — 
 great the fall of him, who has been unfruitful ! 
 
 Some may reason, that they never had much 
 revealed to them. This, they may expect, as long 
 as they are unfaithful in the little. If a child will 
 not be obedient to learn his letters, and many 
 other little things, will he ever acquire much 
 knowledge ? 
 

 30 MEMOIRS, &C. OF 
 
 I believe there are diversities of gifts and ad- 
 ministrations ; but are they not all administered 
 by the same Spirit: — revealing to each one, 
 what his gifts and callings are, in the Church 
 of Christ! And all ought to be actuated by 
 the movings of the same wisdom, from above. 
 
 All the Lord's people are taught of Him; and 
 great are their peace and reward. They are led 
 by his immediate Spirit, and not by the precepts 
 and traditions of men. They do not depend on 
 the teachings of instruments, nor rest on the 
 forms of the righteous. For " it is the Spirit 
 that quickens," and makes alive : but " the letter 
 kills ! " and destroys that breathing of life, which 
 first made the soul alive. — I hope this breathing 
 will never forsake me, while I remain in this 
 world. I trust in the promises of Christ, that He 
 never would leave nor forsake his followers, to 
 the end. See Mat. xxviii, 20. I desire to be 
 cleansed from all sin, that I may be prepared to 
 join the " innumerable company of Angels." 
 Yet I have no right to depend on any works of 
 salvation, but what are wrought in me. For, 
 unless I know Christ to come into my heart, and 
 
BARNAEY NIXON. 31 
 
 to overcome sin ; putting down all evil under his 
 feet, — to become my Intercessor and Mediator — 
 to adopt me by free grace, that I may thereby 
 become son, and heir of salvation by Him; if I 
 read and believe all the great favors, which right- 
 eous men have known ; yet I need not expect to 
 be profited by any thing, beyond what I experi- 
 ence in myself. 
 
 Soon after the yearly meeting at Wayn-oke, in 
 the year 1789, he performed, in company with 
 James Ladd, a religious visit to friends of Rich 
 Square^ and Jack Swamp meetings. On a re- 
 view of this act of obedience to manifested duty, 
 which was not unattended with difficulties and 
 discouragements to him, he made the following 
 acknowledgment : u Although it was not for me 
 to stay at home to accumulate wealth, to lay up 
 for the flesh to be attached to, yet I had peace of 
 mind. Heavenly treasure was given me, for 
 leaving all, to follow Christ. And I believe that 
 my so giving up, never occasioned me to lack 
 any of those outward things, which were really 
 necessary for the support of my family." 
 
32 MEMOIRS, kc. OF 
 
 He relates, that he felt drawings in the love of 
 the Gospel, to visit the meetings and families of 
 friends, belonging to the quarterly meeting of 
 which he was a member. And as it lay with 
 increasing weight on his mind, he spread the 
 concern before the monthly meeting, for friends' 
 sympathy, and had the meeting's concurrence 
 and encouragement, in the undertaking. 
 
 In the performance of this service, he was re 
 newedly confirmed in his mind, of the necessity 
 of waiting for the clear discoveries of truth ; not 
 only to direct, in entering into these arduous 
 concerns, but in every subsequent movement, 
 to the completion of them. And that this will 
 not only show the most favorable time, and fur- 
 nish with matter for communication, adapted to 
 the various states of the visited ; but will also 
 point out those persons, who may be the most 
 suitable coadjutors in the work : as, by a proper, 
 or an improper selection of companions, the im- 
 portant objects in view, may be much promoted 
 or obstructed. 
 
 . 
 
BARNABY NIXON. 33 
 
 And he particularly cautioned friends, to be 
 careful how they joined with others, in such 
 services, without feeling the right call, and 
 having the unity of friends, in the engagement. 
 
 The death of Lemuel Jones, with whom he 
 was nearly united in religious fellowship, was a 
 loss to society, which this friend, in particular, 
 seemed deeply to feel ; as appears by the follow- 
 ing testimony, which he left among his papers : 
 
 " Many friends have desired to see some 
 memorial drawn up concerning dear Lemuel; 
 but as there never has been any produced, I am 
 willing to leave my testimony, as a memorial 
 concerning him. 
 
 " He had a cheerful countenance, and was very 
 sociable ; his conversation was lively and instruc- 
 tive, and his manners courteous and engaging ; 
 which made his company desirable ; and he was 
 held in esteem, by different ranks and classes of 
 people who knew him. 
 
34 MEMOIRS, &C. OF 
 
 " He many times expressed to me, his concern 
 for his children ; desiring they might be preser- 
 ved from that ensnaring evil, of going into the 
 vain, changeable fashions of the world, and 
 gaiety of dress ; which many of our unguarded 
 youth, by little and little, go into ; and so are 
 gradually ensnared: having their minds drawn 
 from the love and unity of friends. This throws 
 them out into corrupting company, that entices 
 them into one evil after another, until they be- 
 come reprobates. 
 
 " He was also eminently qualified for services 
 in the exercise of the discipline." 
 
 '"'•r. I 
 
 When Moses and Elijah had done the work 
 allotted them, in their day, others were qualified 
 to fill their places. So I believe it would be in 
 this age of the world, if that which qualifies, were 
 thoroughly submitted to. 
 
 I wish for friends, rightly to consider the cause 
 of the poor state of many of our meetings, and 
 to be engaged to seek after the restoration of the 
 ancient beauty of pure life and substance, while 
 tie day of visitation is still extended. 
 
B'ARNABY NIXON. 
 
 it has often been my lot, to visit the meetings 
 and families of friends, in the lower parts of our 
 quarter ; and after the death of Lemuel, I could 
 not but feel the loss of his spirit, in going down 
 with me in the baptizing feelings of the state of 
 things among friends. Oh! great is the want of 
 such elders, in these days ; getting down, in their 
 minds, under a proper feeling sense of their bur- 
 dens — bearing up the life, and advancing the 
 testimony of truth, against all wrong spirits 
 which rise in opposition to the precious influence 
 of Divine love, 
 
 Ob! how Elders ought to keep under a feeling 
 sense of that love, which gives power over the 
 world ; and be willing to travail into deep judg- 
 ments with the people, as unto the very bottom 
 of Jordan ; that they may bring up stones of 
 memorial out of the deep : whereby they may be 
 cabled to teach their children of the Lord's 
 wonderful works, when they sit in their houses, 
 when they lie down, when they rise up, and 
 when they walk by the way. 
 
 $. «ue day felt a concern to visit a friend^ wM 
 c2 
 
36 MEMOIRS &C. OF 
 
 was in the station of an elder : and went alone to 
 the house, in the evening. After the family had 
 gone to bed and left us together, I felt engaged 
 to query with him, respecting his conduct, and 
 was drawn to point out his sorrowful state, — 
 falling from the life, and from usefulness in the 
 society. But he could not bear to be treated 
 in so plain a manner, and several times cried 
 out, in a passion of resentment. Yet his pas- 
 sionate behaviour never drove me from my 
 concern, but he found it drew me closer to his 
 feet. 
 
 I went to bed, in painful feelings, and remain- 
 ed under the weight of exercise, till after 
 breakfast next morning. Then I felt the way 
 open, to labour in the line of the Gospel, which 
 melted all present into tears and cementing 
 love. He expressed his gladness for my visit to 
 him, and when I came away, he walked some 
 distance, and appeared loath to part 
 
 I found a more ready openness, in the next 
 family, to which I went. I saw things clearly, 
 and was enabled to point out the man's earthly 
 
BARNABY NIXON. 37 
 
 minded state ; and to tell him plainly, that if 
 he did not get more loose from the love of 
 this world, he more spiritually minded, and 
 bring forth Heavenly fruits, it did appear to 
 me, that his days would be shortened. I also 
 felt engaged to address his wife, desiring her 
 to use what means she could, to draw him out 
 of the cumbers, and to be more devoted to 
 attend week-day meetings ; for unless there 
 were a reformation, she might expect to lose 
 her husband, and be left a widow. It was a 
 time of favor. He and his family poured forth 
 many tears. I have often found Truth's way of 
 leading and working, was marvellous to me. 
 
 I obtained a minute of concurrence to visit 
 he Upper quarterly meetings and other 
 meetings there-away ; but no suitable com- 
 panion offered to go with me. And in the time 
 of attending the quarterly meeting then held 
 at Cedar Creek, feeling the weight of ap- 
 pointing meetings, and not having any com- 
 panion, I got much discouraged; but friends 
 encouraged me. After the quarterly meeting, 
 
33 MEMOIRS, &C. OF 
 
 I went to Caroline ; and after a time of silence 7 
 I had an arduous time of labour. I returned to 
 Cedar Creek, where pretty many gathered to the 
 meeting ; and it was a favoured season. I felt a 
 flow of life, to labour in preaching the (Jospel, 
 nearly as long as I was able to stand. I felt the 
 holy anointing, to spread over the meeting, 
 like ointment, which ran from Aaron's head^ 
 to the skirts of his garment ; so, I believe, all 
 felt the canopy of Divine love. After meeting, 
 I got to Micajah Crew's ; where, after resting 
 awhile, I had a solid opportunity with the 
 family, and some neighbours who were there. 
 
 Next morning, I went to Genito, accompanied 
 by Micajah, his wife, and some other friends. 
 And when I came to tl^e place, and saw the 
 gathering, I was brought into a baptizing sen- 
 sibility of the nothingness of myself; and, in 
 this trembling weakness, I was pressed with 
 an awful weight ; so that I thought myself not 
 able to stand many minutes in the yard, before 
 meeting sat. After we were settled in stillness, . 
 truth opened things in a clear light, to point 
 out^ that man, by all his wisdom, knew not 
 
BAH3JABY NI£ON. 30 
 
 God, nor the things of God; therefore, this 
 wisdom is altogether insufficient to direct in 
 any religious duty. I had a laborious time ; 
 but was glad in finding Truth's testimony went 
 fprth, over that self-sufficient, criticising wisdom 
 of man. 
 
 On my way home, observing a house which 
 had been much shattered with thunder, while 
 I was gone, I stopped to enquire whether any 
 lives were lost : I was informed, that a number 
 of people were in the house, — one was much 
 burnt with the lightning, but no one killed. 
 These things are very awful ; but he whose 
 mind is stayed on the Lord, is kept in perfect 
 peace. 
 
 Not long after the foregoing yisit, he felt 
 an engagement of mind, to visit friends of 
 Baltimore and Philadelphia, in the time of the 
 yellow fever. " The concern," says he, " lay 
 with such weight upon me, that my life was 
 given up to the JDivine disposal ; and the fear 
 of death was taken aw&y. The caJJ wa,s Jmsty, 
 
40 
 
 MEMOIRS kc. OF 
 
 to set out in a few weeks, to be in time to at- 
 tend the yearly meeting at Baltimore. Under 
 these weighty impressions, I often retired in 
 silence ; and, at several times, when I sat down 
 in the evening with my family, my mind was 
 weightily impressed to declare to them, that I 
 felt the call of truth, to us, to be more loosened 
 from the ties of nature, and all our transitory 
 enjoyments, and to be earnestly engaged to 
 seek after heavenly entertainments, — durable 
 comforts — riches that never would leave us, 
 nor fade away." And before the time arrived 
 for setting out on this contemplated journey, 
 his wife was suddenly removed by death. 
 
 About two weeks after the death of his wife, 
 having obtained the concurrence of his friends, 
 he " took a solemn and affectionate leave of his 
 children, relations and neighbouring friends," 
 and set out for Philadelphia, having David 
 Baily for his companion. 
 
 He went pretty directly to Baltimore, and 
 attended the several sittings of the yearly meet- 
 ing, and after it concluded, feeling an engage- 
 
BARNABY NIXON. 41 
 
 ment to visit the families of friends in the city, 
 he communicated his prospect to some friends 
 of the ministry, and afterwards laid his concern 
 before the ministers and elders, of that place, 
 for their sympathy and counsel respecting that 
 weighty undertaking. Obtaining their unity 
 and encouragement ; and being accompanied by 
 suitable friends, he visited most of the families 
 in the city : — In which he remarks, they "were 
 evidently owned." 
 
 Leaving Baltimore, he proceeded to Phila- 
 delphia, where he continued till after the yearly 
 meeting there. In the intermediate time, he re- 
 ceived the small-pox, by inoculation ; and having 
 an ulcer in one of his eyes, which afterwards 
 proved to be a cancer, and a film in the other, 
 he submitted to several painful surgical opera- 
 tions : and was sometimes reduced very low, 
 both in body and in mind. 
 
 He, notwithstanding, spent a considerable 
 portion of his time, in visiting the- meetings 
 and families of friends about the city. In these 
 
 opportunities, it appears, he was considerably 
 
42 M£MOIRS, &C. OF 
 
 engaged in ministerial labours, and that his ser- 
 vices were generally well received. 
 
 From the yearly meeting in Philadelphia, he 
 returned home, taking meetings in his way, in 
 time to attend the yearly meeting of Virginia, 
 held at Black Water. 
 
 After this journey, while of bodily ability, 
 he spent much of his time in attending his own, 
 and visiting neighbouring meetings. And 
 although the before-mentioned ulcer in his 
 eye, became a large and painful cancer, which 
 reduced him to extreme debility many months 
 before his death, yet he continued zealously 
 and actively engaged, for the promotion of the 
 cause of truth. He was several times engaged 
 with committees, under the appointments of the 
 yearly ard quarterly meetings, and frequently, 
 from apprehensions of duty, visited sundry 
 meetings within the limits of our own yearly 
 meeting, and in Carol ina. 
 
 In company with others of a quarterly meet- 
 ing's committee, lie visited sundry meetings 
 
QARNABY NIXON* 43 
 
 and families, within the compass of the lower 
 quarter. In the performance of this service, 
 the states of some whom he had visited, drew 
 from him tine following remarks : " Oh that 
 man would learn to keep humble; for what 
 hath he to> be proud of. The righteousness of 
 many is as filthy rags ; and the righteousness 
 of God, is not at man's command, but is to 
 be humbly waited for. Man is formed and 
 upheld by the Creator, and his appearance is 
 soon gone, like a shining bubble on the waters. 
 I have often humbly desired, that I might be 
 kept as submissive to the Creator, as the clouds, 
 which he raises and fills with water, when he 
 pleases to pour forth showers on the earth, 
 and then to pass into nothingness again. 
 
 "As we passed from one house to another., 
 in this dependant state, waiting for the over- 
 shadowing of the Father's love, — desiring to 
 be faithful to its movings, and believing that it 
 would be the last time I should have the like 
 opportunity, we often met with times of great 
 favour : being enabled to search the camp, as 
 with lighted candles, and to bring hidden things 
 out of darkness. 
 
44 MEMOIRS, &C. OF 
 
 se 
 
 ■ 
 
 " As Daniel was engaged to thank and praise 
 the God of his fathers, who revealeth the dee] 
 and hidden things : c He knoweth what is in the 
 darkness, and the- light dwelleth with him'; 
 so I wish, not only to praise Him in word, 
 but that my life, and conduct, may praise him 
 to the end of my time." 
 
 In another visit, which he performed, under 
 a similar appointment, it appears that he was 
 particularly impressed with the necessity and 
 beauty, of unity and harmony among friends. 
 On this subject, he made the following remarks. 
 
 This state will evermore be blessed with the 
 circulation of life, from member to member. 
 They are engaged in [mental prager~\ breathing 
 for one another, and they partake one with 
 another, to the rejoicing of each other's hearts. 
 But we find a breach of this unity prevents the 
 heavenly blessing. For " If thou bring thy gift 
 before the altar, and there rememberest that thy 
 brother hath ought against thee, leave there thy 
 gift before the altar, and go thy way 5 first be 
 
BARNABY NIXON, 45 
 
 reconciled to thy brother, and then come and 
 offer thy gift." So, we need not expect our 
 offerings to find acceptance, until we do our 
 part of the work of maintaining love and unity. 
 When we have faithfully done our duty, in the 
 Divine sight, then we find acceptance. And, 
 u If thy brother shall trespass against thee, go 
 and tell him his fault, between thee and him 
 alone : if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained 
 thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then 
 take with thee one or two more, that in the 
 mouth of two or three witnesses, every word 
 may be established ; but if he neglect to hear 
 them, tell it to the Church." See the beautiful 
 order established to maintain love and unity, 
 and be qualified to say : Lord, forgive me my 
 trespasses, as I forgive them, that trespass 
 against me. So, we may find, that all hard 
 thoughts one against another, ought to be re- 
 moved, before we can be rightly prepared for 
 Divine worship. 
 
 But it appeared to me, that friends had been 
 much behind-hand, in this needful work of 
 maintaining unity: — that they had felt some 
 
40 MEMOIRS, &C. OT 
 
 dislike to one another's conduct ; and for want 
 of taking timely care, to discbarge themselves 
 of their uneasiness, they had, from time to 
 time, laid up these things in their minds, till 
 some had got many accounts, old and new, 
 against some of their friends, which had never 
 been settled, or blotted out of their minds, by 
 the forgiving spirit of charity. 
 
 These things produced shyness, and obstruct- 
 ed brotherly freedoms, and harmonizing love ; 
 so that they could not feel united for the pros- 
 perity of truth, and for watching over one 
 another for good. And some, knowing that 
 they had given cause of uneasiness to their 
 brethren, were willing to find something to 
 charge their brethren with. Parents had in- 
 rused their prejudices into the minds of their 
 children: and when they assembled for Divine 
 worship, the faces of each other revived the 
 "impressions" they had one against another. 
 These not being prepared to receive the heavenly 
 anointing, their minds were entertained with 
 the failings of their brethren. Corrupting food ! 
 for any to feed upon the faults of-othetfs. IPbese 
 
BARNABY NIXON. 47 
 
 things stagnate the circulation of life in meet- 
 ings, and may be compared to the foxes, which 
 spoil the precious vines. 
 
 As I endeavoured to be faithful, in this plain 
 way of labour, I felt an increase of the precious 
 ointment ; and my heart was filled with Gospel 
 doctrines : so that I had to drop one sentence, 
 and then to wait to feel strength of body to speak 
 another % and endeavoured to arouse the meeting, 
 both by precept and example : that we might 
 endeavour to find some place in our friends' 
 minds, to pour forth our concern for each other's 
 preservation. For surely brotherly freedom 
 ought to be used among friends. It is a badge 
 of discipleship, and where freedom cannot be 
 used, there is a state of bondage. 
 
 The meeting held long, and it was a solid time 
 of renewed visitation. 
 
 After this, my affliction increased^ so that I 
 many times did not get out to meetings* Dr.- — 
 furnished me with opium pills, and advised me 
 to Use them, $iat my path sliouM n*ot keep fire 
 
48 MEMOIRS, &C. OP 
 
 from sleep. I asked him whether it would not 
 benumb my sensitive faculties : but he thought 
 it would not. I found it lessened the sensation 
 of pain, so that I could lie still, and feel disposed 
 to sleep, which was very comfortable to nature. 
 But on strict examination, the pain still remain- 
 ed, and the disease was not likely to be removed. 
 I found also, that my ideas were not clear. It has 
 a tendency too, to lessen all concern or anxiety 
 either about things present, or any future state 
 of being. — Therefore, I could not feel free to 
 make much use of that, which stupifies the talents 
 given me, " to work out my salvation, through 
 tribulation, fear, and trembling. " 
 
 I considered, in my deep afflictions, when I 
 could not sleep, that the Creator of man is Omni- 
 potent, and that he permits afflictions, for man's 
 future happiness ; that all things may work for 
 the good of those that truly love and fear Him. 
 The Lord's prophets passed through many afflic- 
 tions and troubles: zmd Christ, our holy pattern 
 "was a man of sorrows and acquainted with 
 grief" : and felt the agonizing pains of death. He 
 submitted to the Father's will in them, saying : 
 
BARNABY NIXON. 49 
 
 " not my will, but thine be done." So, when I 
 have been enabled to follow the example of 
 Christ, in submitting to the cross, I have found 
 hard things made easy : — my mind quieted in 
 sweetness, and borne up above pain, to rejoice 
 in tribulations ; and behold the mysteries of Hea- 
 ven, revealed to my understanding. This is 
 much better than the operation of opium. 
 
 When we have given up all things to the 
 Father's will, and by his purifying baptisms are 
 made clean, then are we restored into the Crea- 
 tor's image of holiness. Oh J how much better 
 for man to be awakened by afflictions, to experi- 
 ence this happy state ; having the eyes sufficiently 
 anointed to see things as they are, in the Divine 
 sight ; and coming to buy gold, tried in the fire, 
 so as to be rich in Heaven ; and having white 
 raiment, knowing that the Lord hath clothed 
 his nakedness ; than to be in a state of benumbed 
 deception of being rich and full, when, in the 
 Divine sight, he is poor and miserable, blind and 
 naked. Did not Christ declare that many would 
 be deceived, and not able to enter the kingdom 
 of Heaven, where no unholy thing can enter? 
 
50 MEMOIRS &C. OF 
 
 Those that walk in the way of self denial, and 
 whose work has been to lay up treasure in Hea- 
 ven, often bringing their deeds to the light to 
 know whether " they are wrought in God, " 
 and if not, that they may be reproved — have not 
 much for the fire of judgment to kindle upon. 
 
 These are willing to go down into baptisms 
 like one formerly, who desired that he might be 
 purged and clean, that he might be washed and 
 made whiter than snow. How can any expect 
 to be prepared for that holy place, without going 
 down into deep judgments, and into searching 
 fiery baptisms, to refine them as pure gold? The 
 Prophets, Christ, and the Apostles, pointed out 
 these things ; that the old earth and the old hea- 
 vens must pass away, and all things be made 
 new. Darkness is to take place on this world's 
 enjoyments. 
 
 The prophet Joel says : " And I will show 
 wonders in the heavens and in the earth ; blood, 
 and fire, and pillars of smoke. The sun shall be 
 turned into darkness, and the moon into blood." 
 And the Apostle Peter declared, that " the day 
 
BARNABY NIXON. 51 
 
 of the Lord will come as a thief in the night ; in 
 which the heavens shall pass away with a great 
 noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent 
 heat: the earth also, and the works that are 
 therein, shall be burnt up. Seeing then, that all 
 these things shall be dissolved, what manner of 
 persons ought ye to be, in all holy conversation, 
 and godliness; looking for, and, hasting unto, 
 the coming of the day of God, wherein the 
 heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the 
 elements shall melt with fervent heat ? Never- 
 theless, we, according to his promise, look for 
 new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth 
 righteousness." 
 
 I have often thought, that seeing these bodies 
 of flesh must shortly be dissolved, and our spirits 
 be removed to a new place of abode, what man- 
 ner of persons ought we to be indeed : employing 
 ourselves in holy, godly conversation ! I have 
 often desired that I might not hear much of the 
 vain, trifling conversations of this world ; that I 
 might not be drawn into them : as these things 
 have a tendency to beget into the same likeness. 
 I wish for my words to be fewer, and more 
 d2 
 
52 MEMOIRS, &C. OF 
 
 savory, " for in the multitude of words (Solomon 
 said) there wanteth not sin." 
 
 In the spring of 1806, I felt drawings to attend 
 the Yearly Meeting. My mind was brought into 
 a sympathizing feeling with the state of society, 
 and a deep travail of spirit for the gathering of 
 back-sliders : so that, in my affliction of body and 
 exercise of mind, I had but very little appetite 
 to take nourishment ; and daily had fever : 
 making breathing so laborious, that I many 
 times thought I could not exist much longer. 
 
 The night before the time to set out to the 
 Yearly Meeting, I had hard strugglings till after 
 midnight; feeling drawings revived to attend 
 the meeting, and many reasonings against it; 
 apprehending that I was not able to go halfway. 
 I sat down, and endeavoured to feel after the 
 Divine will, and, after some openings, I gave up 
 to go, in obedience to the Divine call. The 
 severe pain in my eye and head gradually abated; 
 — I lay down, and got a little sleep in the latter 
 part of the night. 
 
I 
 
 BARNABY NIXON. 53 
 
 In the morning when we were nearly ready to 
 set out, Elizabeth CoggeshaM came in, and her 
 companion, who was then Mary Morton from 
 Philadelphia, who had been one of my sympathi- 
 zing friends, when I was there. [Elizabeth had 
 been to his house before, in company with E. 
 ByrdJ] I had almost lost the recollection of her. 
 She sat down by me, and asked me if I did not 
 remember a visit I had of several women friends, 
 in company with Arthur Howel, when I was in 
 a low state. I told her I had often to remember 
 that time. She said that she was then one of the 
 company. She named several friends that sent 
 their love to me, and some, she said, were true 
 sympathizers with me. At the revival of these 
 things, we sat and shed tears together. 
 
 We set out together, and although I was in 
 much pain, and my appetite was so weak, that I 
 sometimes found it difficult for me to take as 
 much as three mouthfuls of bread and a cup of 
 coffee, yet I was enabled to attend all the sittings 
 of the yearly meeting, and to relieve my mind 
 by spreading my exercise before friends. But 
 one or two long sittings I felt most easy to leave, 
 a little before they adjourned. 
 
54 MEMOIRS, &C. OF 
 
 I met with painful exercises, but I felt divine 
 love to own my being there : and in the last 
 sitting of the meeting, I could joyfully say, that 
 " I sat down under his shadow, and his fruit was 
 sweet to my taste." And I had to call to my 
 beloved friends, and invite them to come and 
 partake with me. I also had solid opportunities 
 with several at my quarters, and some were much 
 tendered. 
 
 Elizabeth Coggeshall had much labour, and 
 my spirit travailed with her, in the harmonizing 
 unity. 
 
 As I came on my way home, my mind was 
 melted, in humble thankfulness for the many fa- 
 vours bestowed upon me. 
 
 I know it is a pleasant state to be meek and 
 humble. The Lord delights in teaching such of 
 his ways, and guides them in judgment. 
 
 After I got home, I felt much exhausted and 
 weak, both in body and in mind. I did not think 
 I was able to attend meetings^ but that my work 
 
BARNABY NIXON. ' 55 
 
 was to exercise patience, in waiting for my 
 change. 
 
 Elizabeth and her companion, were about two 
 weeks visiting the meetings, which belong to our 
 quarter ; and then came to my house, in the 
 morning before our meeting at Burleigh, I got 
 out to meeting with them : and as I sat in the 
 forepart of the meeting, I desired to be felt with, 
 and, like Peter , to be washed and to be clean 
 every whit. After a time of silence, Elizabeth 
 began to speak of the happy state of being cloth- 
 ed with immortality ; and said, that she had been 
 brought into near sympathy with her afflicted 
 brother, who was then sitting near to her ; and 
 who had been a faithful labourer in that meeting. 
 But now he had nearly done his day's work, and 
 would soon rest from his labours, and receive the 
 reward of the faithful. She addressed several 
 different states then present : and afterwards was 
 exercised in supplication ; in which she interce- 
 ded for her afflicted friend, with whom, she said, 
 her soul was nearly united, that the Lord would 
 continue to be near him, through the remaining 
 part of his afflictions, who was, sometimes, made 
 
56 
 
 MEMOIRS &C. OF 
 
 to be thankful, and rejoice in them. She ak( 
 interceded for his son, and then for the othei 
 part of the meeting. 
 
 This was not only a consolitary time to me, 
 but it was a favored meeting to others. Several 
 friends said they had not been in such a meeting 
 before ; and that her testimony concerning me, 
 was of much more service, by its being delivered 
 in a public meeting, than if it had been in my 
 family. It tended to remove hard thoughts from 
 some disorderly ones, with whom I had honestly 
 laboured. And some that were in a luke- 
 warm state, not willing to comply with some 
 parts of our discipline, were, at times, judging 
 that I was too zealous. It tended to impress the 
 labour which had been bestowed ; and to open 
 friends' minds, to feel more affectionate love to- 
 wards me ; and to receive close, sound doctrine 
 afterwards. My spirit was so revived, that my 
 appetite returned ; and I was strengthened to at- 
 tend many more meetings, which were favored 
 seasons. 
 
BARNABY NIXON. 57 
 
 The following appears to have been written not 
 long before his death, when he reviezoed and revi- 
 sed the memorandums, which he had preserved; 
 but tlw precise time is not evident, i 
 
 We find it was by Divine revelation, that the 
 wise men and the shepherds found Christ, with his 
 mother : they rejoiced, and made obeisance to 
 him, when the wicked hated him. It was by 
 this inward operation, that others rejoiced in the 
 coming of Christ ; and good old Simeon, embra- 
 ced the Messiah in his arms. 
 
 It was those only, who were willing to receive 
 the offers of salvation, that were benefited by 
 them. But how can any ever expect to profit 
 by any offer, as long as they reject it ? for then, 
 it cannot be their possession or enjoyment, bat 
 the receivers only can possess and enjoy. 
 
 As, in former days, those who did receive sal- 
 vation by Christ, came under the operation of 
 his Holy Spirit, so it must be in every age of 
 the world. 
 
58 MEMOIRS, &C. OF 
 
 I now feel, that the time is near at hand for 
 me to pass away from works, to the rewards due 
 for the deeds of my life : yet I feel concerned 
 for my fellow mortals, in beholding the lamenta- 
 ble state of mankind ; as Christ declared, that 
 but few were chosen, out of the many who were 
 called : " for wide is the gate and broad is the 
 way, that leadeth to distruction, and many there 
 be, that go in thereat. Because strait is the gate, 
 and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, 
 and few there be that find it." 
 
 When I view the present generation, it is 
 lamentable that so few are walking in the narrow 
 way of self denial, that leads to life. And when 
 we consider the accounts we have received of 
 mankind, in former ages, from one generation to 
 another, it appears that very many, never would 
 submit to the strait leadings and judgings of 
 Divine wisdom for them : but chose to gratify 
 their carnal desires, and not be under the Divine 
 control. So they have taken liberties in the 
 broad ways of this world, to their own destruc- 
 tion. And some, while they are taking liberties 
 in follies and dissipations, which they know are 
 
BARNABY NIXON. 59 
 
 wrong, at the same time flatter themselves with 
 trusting in the mercies and favors of the Almigh- 
 ty ; — that he will pardon all their sins, and not 
 suffer them to fall into eternal misery. But they 
 are despising his visitations of love ; and while 
 he is calling unto them, they will not hear ; while 
 he is stretching out his arms of favour, all the day 
 of their visitation, they will not regard it; they 
 refuse to walk in his judgments, neither will they 
 have any of his reproofs. 
 
 Man is left free, to choose for himself good or 
 evil, and he hath the power of acting therein. 
 And then he must partake of the fruits of his 
 own labour. If men will be purchased by Sa- 
 tan's temptations, and give themselves up to be 
 the servants of sin ; pleading for continuing in 
 sin, saying that there is no probability of over- 
 coming the evil powers, is this world ; how can 
 these expect to have any ability to release them- 
 selves from those evil powers, under which they 
 have suffered themselves to be bound. 
 
60 MEMOIRS, &C. OF 
 
 My Cousin James Ladd had been in a con- 
 sumptive declining way, for several months, and 
 was desirous to see me ; but he did not expect 
 I was able to go, till some friends encouraged 
 him to believe I might be able to go, in an easy? 
 close carriage. His son James D. Ladd, came 
 for me in the 9th month, 1806. I thought it right 
 to wait for Truth's counsel ; lest I might under- 
 take what I could not perform. And the answer 
 to me, in my silent waiting, was ; " Go with him, 
 for it is right for thee, now, to go with him, as it 
 was for Peter to go to the house of Cornelius, 
 when he was sent for." Although I believed that 
 my weak body would have to endure much fa- 
 tigue and pain, yet I had to believe that I should 
 live to be brought home again. So I gave up 
 to go ; having my wife [a second Wife.~\ to nurse 
 me. 
 
 After we set out, the day proved to be very 
 rainy, and the river was rough. The carriage 
 was lifted into the boat, with my wife and me 
 shut up in it. We had four hands to row the 
 boat, and Ave were an hour in getting across. I 
 thought of the danger wc appeared to be in, of 
 
BARNABY NIXON. 61 
 
 being turned out of the boat ; but I felt my mind 
 stayed, quieted, and easy, in believing I had that 
 word to go, which is above the wind and waters, 
 and is all powerful to command them. We got 
 that evening to James Denson LadfTs. I was 
 so fatigued, that my bones and joints were in so 
 much pain, I could get no rest for several hours. 
 The next morning we got to James Ladd's — 
 found him in a weak state ; but he was glad to 
 see me. I often had to leave him, and lie down 
 to rest myself. ' 
 
 James desired that we might have a private 
 opportunity together : so the family withdrew, 
 and he communicated his tried situation to me. 
 I desired him to give up willingly to the bap- 
 tisms of death, that he might experience the 
 resurrection of life: — I wished him to keep in the 
 hope. I thought we might rejoice together in 
 considering how we had given up to the heaven- 
 ly call, in the morning of our days : — We ought 
 to travel down, into deep judgments, that we 
 might be enabled to bear every needful work, to 
 fit us for the holy habitation : — We had great 
 encouragement to submit to the refining dispell- 
 
62 MEMOIRS, &C. OF 
 
 sations, and trust in the Lord's promises, that 
 when his people passed through the waters, the 
 floods should not overwhelm them, and when 
 they passed through the fire it should not kindle 
 upon them : — like one formerly, that said, when 
 he passed through the region and shadow of 
 death, he would fear no e vil. David declared the 
 Lord's judgments were true and righteous altoge- 
 ther ; more to be desired than gold, yea than 
 much fine gold ; sweeter also than honey and the 
 honey comb. He could sing of his judgments, 
 and of his mercy ; for when he willingly submit- 
 ted to his judgments, then his mercy over- 
 shadowed him. 
 
 When I have willingly partaken of the bitter 
 cup, then I have known it to be sweetened to me, 
 and hard things made easy. So that I have been 
 made to sing of the Lord's judgments, finding 
 that they wrought for my good. Christ said to 
 his followers ; " A little while they should seek 
 him, and could not find him." 
 
 My mind was bowed in travail, to pray for 
 him. The Lord in His wisdom hath ordered 
 
BARNABY NIXON. 63 
 
 the day to continue to succeed the night, and 
 the winter and summer seasons to succeed each 
 other. He causes the sun to be withdrawn, with 
 its warmth, from the earth ; then the power of 
 coldness takes place, and congeals the earth, and 
 waters into a hard, frozen state, like a rock. Bnt 
 by this means the earth is enriched, and made 
 more fertile, after it is softened again by the 
 warmth of the sun. So the Lord's children 
 spiritually experience such dispensations, in the 
 work of the new creation. 
 
 How ought we then, patiently to wait in the 
 winter season, and quietly hope for the coming 
 again of the Son of righteousness ; to soften our 
 hearts, and make them penetrable ; and capable 
 of yielding greater increase of precious fruits to 
 the Divine owner. Oh! let patience have its 
 perfect work, until the Lord may be pleased to 
 say to the north, give up thy frozen state ; and, 
 come thou south wind, and blow upon my enclo- 
 sed garden ; and cause the shut up spring to be 
 opened, and the fountain to be unsealed. 
 
 My spirit travailed in faith for my friend ; 
 
64 MEMOIRS, &C. OF 
 
 that, if he would do his part, the Lord would 
 bring him to experience these things. 
 
 After being with him several days, I proposed 
 coming home on the morrow, which was the se- 
 venth day of the week. He paused for some time, 
 and told me he thought that he could not give me 
 up willingly to come home till second day ; for 
 he wished me to have a sitting in his family to- 
 morrow, and the next day to attend their meeting. 
 
 He desired his sons to be collected. I submit- 
 ted to have a sittingin his family, and it was a 
 favored time ; the next day they had my wife 
 and me taken to their meeting ; and, although I 
 thought I had taken leave of that meeting before, 
 I was engaged to labour nearly as long as my 
 weak body could bear. Elizabeth Patterson, 
 from Carolina, also attended that meeting ; and 
 treated on the subject of the Vineyard which 
 had much done in it, and yet it brought forth 
 wild fruit. Oh ! how deplorable must that state 
 be ;— to have the divine hedge taken away, and 
 that which is good to be eaten up, the wall to be 
 broken down, and it to be trodden under foot; 
 
BARNABY/ NIXON. 65 
 
 and the clouds to be commanded to rain no rain 
 upon it. 
 
 James Denson Ladd y was to take us to his 
 house that afternoon : and as the time drew near 
 for our last parting, I was brought into sympathi- 
 zing feeling with James/ and was impressed 
 with the considerations of the Lord's dealing's 
 
 o 
 
 with his people, from one generation to another. 
 That he would have a people, who were proved 
 by trying dispensations : and that it had been 
 his will, that their brethren should feel with them 
 and pray for them, in the times of their trials. 
 So I was impressed to kneel down by the bed 
 side, and cry unto Him whose ear is not grown 
 heavy, that it cannot hear, nor his hand shorten- 
 ed that it cannot save. 
 
 I interceded for my afflicted friend, and for 
 those that were about him, to be brought under 
 a right concern to feel with him. We had travail- 
 ed much together in the oneness of spirit, and 
 6ur parting was trying to us both. He held me 
 by the hand a considerable time ; and said he 
 was thankful for the favors he had received. 
 
66 MEMOIRS, &C. OF 
 
 After getting to Demon's that evening, my 
 hoarseness increased, so that I was brought to 
 whispering. The next day we were confined to 
 the house, it being an uncommon time of rain. 
 I had such piercing pains in my back, that I 
 could scarcely move : motion seemed like taking 
 away my breath ; and had it not been that I reli- 
 ed on the word of faith, I believe that I should 
 have despaired of getting home. But I got a 
 little relieved, and Joseph Ladd took us the next 
 day home. The weak state of my body, and 
 the exercise of mind which I had to pass through, 
 the cold also which I had taken, confined me to 
 my bed much of my time for several weeks. 
 
 James Ladd lived a little more than two weeks 
 after I left him. I was informed that a little be- 
 fore his death, perceiving some person looking 
 earnestly on him, he said " all men must come to 
 this," and that he should make a good end, 
 which would crown all. 
 
 That is a happy state, to die the death of the 
 righteous : Blessed are the dead, that die in the 
 
BA.RNABY NIXON. 67 
 
 Lord's favour ; they rest from their labours, and 
 their works follow them. 
 
 Although I knew that I was not able to get 
 out to meetings, yet I felt my mind so much 
 drawn to our next monthly meeting, to be held 
 at Burleigh, that I sometimes had faith to be- 
 lieve, that I should be recruited and strengthened 
 to attend it, and when the time came, I was much 
 revived. A friend came in the morning to see 
 me, and took me in his carriage to the meeting ; 
 where I was strengthened to labour much to my 
 relief. I was also carried to meeting the next 
 day, and was favored to labour, beyond what 
 friends or myself could have expected. But 
 when I thought to stand up in the meeting as 
 usual, my joints were so full of pain that I did 
 not feel able to stand, so I kept my seat and 
 spoke as I had strength given. 
 
 After that, the weather was often cold and 
 wet ; and I was so much afflicted with pains, that 
 I needed help to turn myself in bed, and to be 
 raised up to put on my clothes. 
 
68 
 
 When the monthly meeting in the 12th month 
 came, I had not been out to meetings for two 
 months; the aflliction of my eye and head, had 
 affected my nerves, through my body, drawing 
 many ways like the cramp; which occasioned 
 great soreness and pain when lying in bed. So that 
 I was not able many times to turn myself in bed, 
 nor to get up without help. — In the evening, af- 
 ter friends came from meeting, I told them I 
 thought it was not likely that I should be able 
 to go out to meetings any more. But after going 
 to bed, my mind was weightily drawn to sit with 
 friends once more. 
 
 In the morning, I informed friends of my ex- 
 ercise, and queried whether it would do for me 
 to go to meeting, or whether I must appoint a 
 time and request friends to come and sit with me, 
 in my house. They said that after going to bed, 
 they were thinking about my going out ; believ- 
 ing that it would be no disadvantage for me to 
 go to meeting. So they carried me ; but the 
 jolting of the carriage, seemed almost like taking 
 away my breath. Friends took me out of the 
 carriage, and I got seated in the meeting: and 
 
BARNABY NIXON. 69 
 
 He that promised to be strength in weakness, 
 strengthened me, to my admiration, to continue 
 my speech, greatly to the relief of my exercised 
 mind. The meeting held nearly three hours, 
 and I rested much better the night after. 
 
 The painful afflicting state of my body increas- 
 ed, which is very trying to nature. I often desire 
 that patience may have its perfect work ; remem- 
 bering the Apostle's declaration, that tribulation 
 worketh patience, and patience experience, and 
 experience hope, which maketh not ashamed. 
 Rom. v. 3, 4, 8?c. 
 
 The first month is nearly run out in the year 
 1807, and I am almost helpless, waiting for my 
 change. 
 
 Here this worthy friend brought the account 
 of his life and exercises to a close, about two 
 weeks before his decease. Under the sore afflic- 
 tions which were permitted to attend him, he was 
 much favored with tranquillity of mind, and re- 
 signation to the divine will. He continued to 
 manifest a tender concern for his friends, and 
 
70 MEMOIRS OF BARNABY NIXON. 
 
 fervent attachment to the cause of Truth ; and 
 frequently requested opportunities of silence, 
 with his family, and friends who came to see 
 him. On these occasions, he was often enabled 
 to administer suitable admonition and counsel, 
 and was several times engaged in vocal supplica- 
 tion in a very remarkable manner. 
 
 At one time, as he was lying quietly composed, 
 he said to a friend who was near him ; u I seem 
 to hear the harmonious sound of songs of love. " 
 
 Thus supported by an invisible hand, and ani- 
 mated by the prospect before him, he approached 
 that awful period. And departed this life, the 
 13th day of the 2nd month, 1807. 
 
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