i if f r * v tf-.r r ^B ? C < c ^££ £ cc ^ ^BC? > UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. r cc ^ccT^ ^c cc 1 ^cc cc >CC cc ^cc fee: ^ cc cc f fpc lfr<»c5 c cc C c c CCCC . - CCc/ _ : CCC . _ ccc _ c . c cc _d c c i ^-- CC< Cc MEMOIRS, &C OF powered all opposition to the Divine will. Then they were moved, and guided about, as the winds and clouds, in obedience to the Great Creator. Joseph was a lover of righteousness, and a hater of evil; and the Lord often appeared to him in prophetic dreams, mystically pointing out to him things yet to come. These favors tend to strengthen hope and confidence in Him, who is the never failing helper of the righteous. These things I pen from living experience. Joseph's love to the Author of his life, out bal- anced the pleasures of sin, which are momentary, ending with a sting, and with the terrors of judg- ment. u How can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God !" was his language. This gained Omnipotent regard, which preserved him from all the malicious designs of those, that intended evil against him; and exalted him above all his enemies : so that confession was made in Pha- raoh's Court, that the Spirit of the living God, did dwell in Joseph. I wish the present generation to consider how BARNABY NIXON. 19 far they are superior, in religious principles, to those ancient heathen nations. They believed in a Superior Being, who revealed His will and mind to some few. But they appeared to have no prospect of coming to any acquaintance with Him themselves. Is not this the present state of many, who do not profess to believe it to be at- tainable, in this our day, to " acquaint themselves with God, and be at peace," according to scrip- ture exhortation; saying : Divine revelation is not needful now, and not to be expected. And many, who acknowledge that there is an inward monitor, to direct man from evil, deny its efficacy to overcome sin, and lead out of all evil. Is not this, to accuse the Creator of being a hard master; as Satan and his subjects ever have done ? to call men to come out of sin, and not to aid them with his Spirit to do it : and to wound the conscience with a fearful dread of eternal punish- ment, for living in sin, without giving them power to avoid it. Or they deny its efficacy, from believ- ing that no such judgment will follow their trans- gression. This has been the reasoning of Satan, to Adam and Eve, and to every succeeding genera- 20 MEMOIRS, &C. OF tion of men : flattering them with a false hope, of enjoying great satisfaction, by going into things, which they had believed were wrong : persua- ding them that no such great judgments would follow, as they had believed from the word of Truth. But how often do men feel the judgments for sin, of which they had been warned, to fall on them, greater than they had expected! being inwardly tormented with guilt, and " a certain fearful looking for of judgment." As the compass needle, when it has not lost the lively touches of the load-stone, will point to the north, and the other part, to the south, so is the state of man. As long as he retains the lively touches of the love of God, in his heart, he can secretly discern the pointings of the Divine Will, and perceive the will of the flesh, contrary to it. But man, by long continuing in sin, may los< that love to Truth he once had ; become a hatei of it, and of the light in him ; because it so oftej reproves him for evil. Then this Spirit may be withdrawn from striving any longer with him, as it was from the old world. Or he may seek for favor, and counsel, when in great distress, and BARNABY NIXON. 21 not obtain it; and the things which belong to his peace may be hid from his eyes : because he has endeavoured to stifle the witness of truth in his heart : doing despite to the Spirit of grace ; tramp- ling under foot the offers of salvation ; counting the blood of the covenant, an unholy thing. My heart is moved, while I write, with desires, that men may be redeemed from the power of Satan, and his kingdom of darkness; and be brought into the power of God, and his marvel- lous light. The Lord has formed man, with a desire to take up his abode with him, and tabernacle in him ; tnat His kingdom may come to be known in man ; and his will to be done, as it is in Heaven. And what an evident demonstration of this desire, is man often favored with, by the still, small voice of Heavenly Love, following him, from time to time; — showing what is good; — knocking as at the door of his heart, for him to receive this love, and not to keep it out, by cleaving to the vain pleasures of sin ! 22 MEMOIRS &C. OF ons, Let us all submit ourselves to these visitations, as Jacob of old did, when he found the Lord was with him, in the night season, opening hea- venly visions in his mind. He then said : " Surely the Lord is in this place, and I knew it not ! How dreadful is this place ! this is none other but the house of God, and this the gate of Heaven I " And Jacob vowed a vow, saying : " If God will be with me, and will keep me in this way that I go, and give me bread to eat, and raiment to put on, — then shall the Lord be my God. " We also find that the Divine presence, did go with " poor worm Jacob," and keep him in the way he should The path of the just, shineth brighter and brighter as they diligently walk in the light. And by every act of obedience, men grow stronger to encounter trials. Seeing negligence in perform- ing our duty, leaves us more in Satan's power, how needful it is, to be steadily pressing after the Father's love, which is the spiritual light and life of men ! How needful to be watching unto pray- er ! to feel the mind secretly breathing after it ! BARNABY NIXON. 23 These, if they continue in the right hunger, will befed. The Most High, by his Holy Spirit, reveals his will to all men, requiring obedience to it. And there can be no hiding from his view ; for he searcheth out all the hidden works of men, which are done in darkness ; and he never approves sin, in any one ; because he calls for only what he has revealed as the duty of man, and given him ability to perform. Can any confute this truth : The Author of our being has placed in us, that which reveals good and evil! or can any one say that we cannot answer the end of our creation, by complying with what the Creator requires of us ! We know that Creating Power has placed in us, a some* thing, which shows these things. Let it be called what it may, we know that it must be something good; because it never moves the mind to any thing, but that which is good. — Notwithstanding all this, when men are not disposed to yield obedience to known duties, they endeavour to 24 MEMOIRS &C. OF invalidate the calls of this something, by dispu- ting its authority and power. i In the year 1782, and before he had appeared in the ministry, he felt a concern to visit a pre- parative meeting, held at Thomas Sadler's in Brunswick County. And, although he at first put it off, and had many reasonings against it, he was, at length, induced to give up to the little lively manifestation of duty. He accordingly attended the meeting, accompanied by Joseph Butler. Of this visit he gave the following account : " Truth opened our way for labour, in the meeting, far beyond our expectations ; and a great change was wrought in my feelings : I went from home, weeping, and strewing my tears under the burden of the cross ; and I returned, crowned with peace, and the Heavenly Father's love." He performed, as companion to our friend James Ladd, a religious visit to friends of the lower parts of North Carolina. In an account which he left of this visit, he expressed the fol- BAUNABY NIXOX. 25 lowing sentiments : " When the Lord's servants are kept humble, under the holy anointing, they believe the time is hastening for all old things to be removed : in which the elements will melt with fervent heat, and these earthly tabernacles must all pass away : and the righteous, according to the promise, look for the coming of new Hea- vens, when their spirits will ascend to God who gave them. Oh ! what manner of people ought we to be, in all manner of holy conversation, and godliness ! What diligence ought there to be, that we may be found without spot and blame- less ! What boldness, thui, is felt in the causa of Truth ! The fear of displeasing man, is then overcome. In feeling these things, I have, many times, thought I might truly say, as a servant formerly did, that it was good for me that I was afflicted ; for before, I went astray ; but after I was afflicted, I learned His statutes ; so that I have been enabled to sing of his mercies, and also of his judgments." As I knew that one hour, in the Divine pre- sence, was better than a thousand elsewhere, I 26 MEMOIRS," &C. OF often desired to feel this, by my fire-side, before I went to bed. And, sometimes, before I expe- rienced the blessing, I had to go down into deep troubles, and submit to the way of the Lord's coming ; to burn as an oven, to do away all the high notions, and stubborn works of pride, and the light, airy chaffiness of the mind : that I might -be cleansed and sanctified, for the Holy presence to come in, and tabernacle with me. Then it is, that the Lord will bless, and will multiply his favors ! Oh how thankful I ought to be, for the many favors that have been bestowed upon me. The Prophet, in speaking of the blessings which were intended for the righteous, also point- ed out the means, by which the blessing was to be obtained : " Every battle of the warrior is with confused noise, and garments rolled in blood;" and then he says : " But this shall be with burn- ing, and fuel of fire ; for unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given, and the government shall be upon His shoulders, and His name shall be called, Wonderful, Counsellor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace." BARNABY NIXON. 27 Here the Christian's warfare is described ; — the conflicts of those, who come to know the blessing of Christ's coming, to take the government on His shoulders — to be their Wonderful, Counsellor, and to rule in them as a mighty God and everlast- ing Father : for " Zion shall be redeemed with judgment, and her converts with righteousness." But alas ! too many turn their backs in the day of battle, because they will not submit to this in- ward burning ; but flee from it, into conversation, or some other earthly enjoyment; so they nou- rish those attachments to this world, which ought to have been given up, as fuel to the fire : and thus they strengthen self will. These do not love silent waiting ; but keep themselves intoxicated with their sensualities, until their minds become so captivated, that they have no power to come into Zion's quiet habitation. — *wi«— I often felt earnest cravings to be^n the Divine Presence ; and often sought after it, in the night season, and in solitary places. In these exercises 28 MEMOIRS, &C. OF of mind, I met with joyful satisfaction, when others were asleep, and no human eye beheld me. Sometimes, however, I was greatly beset with reasonings against the practice of solemn retire- ment, with my family. I endeavoured to avoid the cross, by .keeping my exercise to myself, secreted from my family. I earnestly desired to find the feeding place of Christ's flock, that I might rest from the troubles of this world. But my desire was denied, with a language similar to this : " Go thy way by the footsteps of the flock, and feed thy kids beside the shep- herd's tent." So I could not be fed, until I called my family from the noise and tumults of the world, to sit with me, in silence; that they might feel something, better than their childish vanities. Then, when I submitted to the cross, and all were silent, we were watered and refreshed toge ther. I have experienced many trials, respecting t attendance of religious meetings, when I have been under much infirmity of body, or other BARNABY NIXON. 29 difficulties or obstructions. But He that loved me, supported and preserved me through many s uch trials ; and I have been made to rejoice under the canopy of Divine Love. How good it is, to be desirous to bring forth acceptable fruit to the Lord ! Those who are thus engaged, can sing, as Mary did : " My soul doth magnify the Lord! and my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour!" Oh ! what need there is, for all, before it is too late, to know the good seed which is sown in their hearts, to " take root downward, and bear fruit upwards," while their summer lasteth ; lest their harvest be over — their summer ended — and they not saved. Then it will be too late to labour ; and great will be that man's disappointment — great the fall of him, who has been unfruitful ! Some may reason, that they never had much revealed to them. This, they may expect, as long as they are unfaithful in the little. If a child will not be obedient to learn his letters, and many other little things, will he ever acquire much knowledge ? 30 MEMOIRS, &C. OF I believe there are diversities of gifts and ad- ministrations ; but are they not all administered by the same Spirit: — revealing to each one, what his gifts and callings are, in the Church of Christ! And all ought to be actuated by the movings of the same wisdom, from above. All the Lord's people are taught of Him; and great are their peace and reward. They are led by his immediate Spirit, and not by the precepts and traditions of men. They do not depend on the teachings of instruments, nor rest on the forms of the righteous. For " it is the Spirit that quickens," and makes alive : but " the letter kills ! " and destroys that breathing of life, which first made the soul alive. — I hope this breathing will never forsake me, while I remain in this world. I trust in the promises of Christ, that He never would leave nor forsake his followers, to the end. See Mat. xxviii, 20. I desire to be cleansed from all sin, that I may be prepared to join the " innumerable company of Angels." Yet I have no right to depend on any works of salvation, but what are wrought in me. For, unless I know Christ to come into my heart, and BARNAEY NIXON. 31 to overcome sin ; putting down all evil under his feet, — to become my Intercessor and Mediator — to adopt me by free grace, that I may thereby become son, and heir of salvation by Him; if I read and believe all the great favors, which right- eous men have known ; yet I need not expect to be profited by any thing, beyond what I experi- ence in myself. Soon after the yearly meeting at Wayn-oke, in the year 1789, he performed, in company with James Ladd, a religious visit to friends of Rich Square^ and Jack Swamp meetings. On a re- view of this act of obedience to manifested duty, which was not unattended with difficulties and discouragements to him, he made the following acknowledgment : u Although it was not for me to stay at home to accumulate wealth, to lay up for the flesh to be attached to, yet I had peace of mind. Heavenly treasure was given me, for leaving all, to follow Christ. And I believe that my so giving up, never occasioned me to lack any of those outward things, which were really necessary for the support of my family." 32 MEMOIRS, kc. OF He relates, that he felt drawings in the love of the Gospel, to visit the meetings and families of friends, belonging to the quarterly meeting of which he was a member. And as it lay with increasing weight on his mind, he spread the concern before the monthly meeting, for friends' sympathy, and had the meeting's concurrence and encouragement, in the undertaking. In the performance of this service, he was re newedly confirmed in his mind, of the necessity of waiting for the clear discoveries of truth ; not only to direct, in entering into these arduous concerns, but in every subsequent movement, to the completion of them. And that this will not only show the most favorable time, and fur- nish with matter for communication, adapted to the various states of the visited ; but will also point out those persons, who may be the most suitable coadjutors in the work : as, by a proper, or an improper selection of companions, the im- portant objects in view, may be much promoted or obstructed. . BARNABY NIXON. 33 And he particularly cautioned friends, to be careful how they joined with others, in such services, without feeling the right call, and having the unity of friends, in the engagement. The death of Lemuel Jones, with whom he was nearly united in religious fellowship, was a loss to society, which this friend, in particular, seemed deeply to feel ; as appears by the follow- ing testimony, which he left among his papers : " Many friends have desired to see some memorial drawn up concerning dear Lemuel; but as there never has been any produced, I am willing to leave my testimony, as a memorial concerning him. " He had a cheerful countenance, and was very sociable ; his conversation was lively and instruc- tive, and his manners courteous and engaging ; which made his company desirable ; and he was held in esteem, by different ranks and classes of people who knew him. 34 MEMOIRS, &C. OF " He many times expressed to me, his concern for his children ; desiring they might be preser- ved from that ensnaring evil, of going into the vain, changeable fashions of the world, and gaiety of dress ; which many of our unguarded youth, by little and little, go into ; and so are gradually ensnared: having their minds drawn from the love and unity of friends. This throws them out into corrupting company, that entices them into one evil after another, until they be- come reprobates. " He was also eminently qualified for services in the exercise of the discipline." '"'•r. I When Moses and Elijah had done the work allotted them, in their day, others were qualified to fill their places. So I believe it would be in this age of the world, if that which qualifies, were thoroughly submitted to. I wish for friends, rightly to consider the cause of the poor state of many of our meetings, and to be engaged to seek after the restoration of the ancient beauty of pure life and substance, while tie day of visitation is still extended. B'ARNABY NIXON. it has often been my lot, to visit the meetings and families of friends, in the lower parts of our quarter ; and after the death of Lemuel, I could not but feel the loss of his spirit, in going down with me in the baptizing feelings of the state of things among friends. Oh! great is the want of such elders, in these days ; getting down, in their minds, under a proper feeling sense of their bur- dens — bearing up the life, and advancing the testimony of truth, against all wrong spirits which rise in opposition to the precious influence of Divine love, Ob! how Elders ought to keep under a feeling sense of that love, which gives power over the world ; and be willing to travail into deep judg- ments with the people, as unto the very bottom of Jordan ; that they may bring up stones of memorial out of the deep : whereby they may be cabled to teach their children of the Lord's wonderful works, when they sit in their houses, when they lie down, when they rise up, and when they walk by the way. $. «ue day felt a concern to visit a friend^ wM c2 36 MEMOIRS &C. OF was in the station of an elder : and went alone to the house, in the evening. After the family had gone to bed and left us together, I felt engaged to query with him, respecting his conduct, and was drawn to point out his sorrowful state, — falling from the life, and from usefulness in the society. But he could not bear to be treated in so plain a manner, and several times cried out, in a passion of resentment. Yet his pas- sionate behaviour never drove me from my concern, but he found it drew me closer to his feet. I went to bed, in painful feelings, and remain- ed under the weight of exercise, till after breakfast next morning. Then I felt the way open, to labour in the line of the Gospel, which melted all present into tears and cementing love. He expressed his gladness for my visit to him, and when I came away, he walked some distance, and appeared loath to part I found a more ready openness, in the next family, to which I went. I saw things clearly, and was enabled to point out the man's earthly BARNABY NIXON. 37 minded state ; and to tell him plainly, that if he did not get more loose from the love of this world, he more spiritually minded, and bring forth Heavenly fruits, it did appear to me, that his days would be shortened. I also felt engaged to address his wife, desiring her to use what means she could, to draw him out of the cumbers, and to be more devoted to attend week-day meetings ; for unless there were a reformation, she might expect to lose her husband, and be left a widow. It was a time of favor. He and his family poured forth many tears. I have often found Truth's way of leading and working, was marvellous to me. I obtained a minute of concurrence to visit he Upper quarterly meetings and other meetings there-away ; but no suitable com- panion offered to go with me. And in the time of attending the quarterly meeting then held at Cedar Creek, feeling the weight of ap- pointing meetings, and not having any com- panion, I got much discouraged; but friends encouraged me. After the quarterly meeting, 33 MEMOIRS, &C. OF I went to Caroline ; and after a time of silence 7 I had an arduous time of labour. I returned to Cedar Creek, where pretty many gathered to the meeting ; and it was a favoured season. I felt a flow of life, to labour in preaching the (Jospel, nearly as long as I was able to stand. I felt the holy anointing, to spread over the meeting, like ointment, which ran from Aaron's head^ to the skirts of his garment ; so, I believe, all felt the canopy of Divine love. After meeting, I got to Micajah Crew's ; where, after resting awhile, I had a solid opportunity with the family, and some neighbours who were there. Next morning, I went to Genito, accompanied by Micajah, his wife, and some other friends. And when I came to tl^e place, and saw the gathering, I was brought into a baptizing sen- sibility of the nothingness of myself; and, in this trembling weakness, I was pressed with an awful weight ; so that I thought myself not able to stand many minutes in the yard, before meeting sat. After we were settled in stillness, . truth opened things in a clear light, to point out^ that man, by all his wisdom, knew not BAH3JABY NI£ON. 30 God, nor the things of God; therefore, this wisdom is altogether insufficient to direct in any religious duty. I had a laborious time ; but was glad in finding Truth's testimony went fprth, over that self-sufficient, criticising wisdom of man. On my way home, observing a house which had been much shattered with thunder, while I was gone, I stopped to enquire whether any lives were lost : I was informed, that a number of people were in the house, — one was much burnt with the lightning, but no one killed. These things are very awful ; but he whose mind is stayed on the Lord, is kept in perfect peace. Not long after the foregoing yisit, he felt an engagement of mind, to visit friends of Baltimore and Philadelphia, in the time of the yellow fever. " The concern," says he, " lay with such weight upon me, that my life was given up to the JDivine disposal ; and the fear of death was taken aw&y. The caJJ wa,s Jmsty, 40 MEMOIRS kc. OF to set out in a few weeks, to be in time to at- tend the yearly meeting at Baltimore. Under these weighty impressions, I often retired in silence ; and, at several times, when I sat down in the evening with my family, my mind was weightily impressed to declare to them, that I felt the call of truth, to us, to be more loosened from the ties of nature, and all our transitory enjoyments, and to be earnestly engaged to seek after heavenly entertainments, — durable comforts — riches that never would leave us, nor fade away." And before the time arrived for setting out on this contemplated journey, his wife was suddenly removed by death. About two weeks after the death of his wife, having obtained the concurrence of his friends, he " took a solemn and affectionate leave of his children, relations and neighbouring friends," and set out for Philadelphia, having David Baily for his companion. He went pretty directly to Baltimore, and attended the several sittings of the yearly meet- ing, and after it concluded, feeling an engage- BARNABY NIXON. 41 ment to visit the families of friends in the city, he communicated his prospect to some friends of the ministry, and afterwards laid his concern before the ministers and elders, of that place, for their sympathy and counsel respecting that weighty undertaking. Obtaining their unity and encouragement ; and being accompanied by suitable friends, he visited most of the families in the city : — In which he remarks, they "were evidently owned." Leaving Baltimore, he proceeded to Phila- delphia, where he continued till after the yearly meeting there. In the intermediate time, he re- ceived the small-pox, by inoculation ; and having an ulcer in one of his eyes, which afterwards proved to be a cancer, and a film in the other, he submitted to several painful surgical opera- tions : and was sometimes reduced very low, both in body and in mind. He, notwithstanding, spent a considerable portion of his time, in visiting the- meetings and families of friends about the city. In these opportunities, it appears, he was considerably 42 M£MOIRS, &C. OF engaged in ministerial labours, and that his ser- vices were generally well received. From the yearly meeting in Philadelphia, he returned home, taking meetings in his way, in time to attend the yearly meeting of Virginia, held at Black Water. After this journey, while of bodily ability, he spent much of his time in attending his own, and visiting neighbouring meetings. And although the before-mentioned ulcer in his eye, became a large and painful cancer, which reduced him to extreme debility many months before his death, yet he continued zealously and actively engaged, for the promotion of the cause of truth. He was several times engaged with committees, under the appointments of the yearly ard quarterly meetings, and frequently, from apprehensions of duty, visited sundry meetings within the limits of our own yearly meeting, and in Carol ina. In company with others of a quarterly meet- ing's committee, lie visited sundry meetings QARNABY NIXON* 43 and families, within the compass of the lower quarter. In the performance of this service, the states of some whom he had visited, drew from him tine following remarks : " Oh that man would learn to keep humble; for what hath he to> be proud of. The righteousness of many is as filthy rags ; and the righteousness of God, is not at man's command, but is to be humbly waited for. Man is formed and upheld by the Creator, and his appearance is soon gone, like a shining bubble on the waters. I have often humbly desired, that I might be kept as submissive to the Creator, as the clouds, which he raises and fills with water, when he pleases to pour forth showers on the earth, and then to pass into nothingness again. "As we passed from one house to another., in this dependant state, waiting for the over- shadowing of the Father's love, — desiring to be faithful to its movings, and believing that it would be the last time I should have the like opportunity, we often met with times of great favour : being enabled to search the camp, as with lighted candles, and to bring hidden things out of darkness. 44 MEMOIRS, &C. OF se ■ " As Daniel was engaged to thank and praise the God of his fathers, who revealeth the dee] and hidden things : c He knoweth what is in the darkness, and the- light dwelleth with him'; so I wish, not only to praise Him in word, but that my life, and conduct, may praise him to the end of my time." In another visit, which he performed, under a similar appointment, it appears that he was particularly impressed with the necessity and beauty, of unity and harmony among friends. On this subject, he made the following remarks. This state will evermore be blessed with the circulation of life, from member to member. They are engaged in [mental prager~\ breathing for one another, and they partake one with another, to the rejoicing of each other's hearts. But we find a breach of this unity prevents the heavenly blessing. For " If thou bring thy gift before the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee, leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way 5 first be BARNABY NIXON, 45 reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift." So, we need not expect our offerings to find acceptance, until we do our part of the work of maintaining love and unity. When we have faithfully done our duty, in the Divine sight, then we find acceptance. And, u If thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault, between thee and him alone : if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses, every word may be established ; but if he neglect to hear them, tell it to the Church." See the beautiful order established to maintain love and unity, and be qualified to say : Lord, forgive me my trespasses, as I forgive them, that trespass against me. So, we may find, that all hard thoughts one against another, ought to be re- moved, before we can be rightly prepared for Divine worship. But it appeared to me, that friends had been much behind-hand, in this needful work of maintaining unity: — that they had felt some 40 MEMOIRS, &C. OT dislike to one another's conduct ; and for want of taking timely care, to discbarge themselves of their uneasiness, they had, from time to time, laid up these things in their minds, till some had got many accounts, old and new, against some of their friends, which had never been settled, or blotted out of their minds, by the forgiving spirit of charity. These things produced shyness, and obstruct- ed brotherly freedoms, and harmonizing love ; so that they could not feel united for the pros- perity of truth, and for watching over one another for good. And some, knowing that they had given cause of uneasiness to their brethren, were willing to find something to charge their brethren with. Parents had in- rused their prejudices into the minds of their children: and when they assembled for Divine worship, the faces of each other revived the "impressions" they had one against another. These not being prepared to receive the heavenly anointing, their minds were entertained with the failings of their brethren. Corrupting food ! for any to feed upon the faults of-othetfs. IPbese BARNABY NIXON. 47 things stagnate the circulation of life in meet- ings, and may be compared to the foxes, which spoil the precious vines. As I endeavoured to be faithful, in this plain way of labour, I felt an increase of the precious ointment ; and my heart was filled with Gospel doctrines : so that I had to drop one sentence, and then to wait to feel strength of body to speak another % and endeavoured to arouse the meeting, both by precept and example : that we might endeavour to find some place in our friends' minds, to pour forth our concern for each other's preservation. For surely brotherly freedom ought to be used among friends. It is a badge of discipleship, and where freedom cannot be used, there is a state of bondage. The meeting held long, and it was a solid time of renewed visitation. After this, my affliction increased^ so that I many times did not get out to meetings* Dr.- — furnished me with opium pills, and advised me to Use them, $iat my path sliouM n*ot keep fire 48 MEMOIRS, &C. OP from sleep. I asked him whether it would not benumb my sensitive faculties : but he thought it would not. I found it lessened the sensation of pain, so that I could lie still, and feel disposed to sleep, which was very comfortable to nature. But on strict examination, the pain still remain- ed, and the disease was not likely to be removed. I found also, that my ideas were not clear. It has a tendency too, to lessen all concern or anxiety either about things present, or any future state of being. — Therefore, I could not feel free to make much use of that, which stupifies the talents given me, " to work out my salvation, through tribulation, fear, and trembling. " I considered, in my deep afflictions, when I could not sleep, that the Creator of man is Omni- potent, and that he permits afflictions, for man's future happiness ; that all things may work for the good of those that truly love and fear Him. The Lord's prophets passed through many afflic- tions and troubles: zmd Christ, our holy pattern "was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief" : and felt the agonizing pains of death. He submitted to the Father's will in them, saying : BARNABY NIXON. 49 " not my will, but thine be done." So, when I have been enabled to follow the example of Christ, in submitting to the cross, I have found hard things made easy : — my mind quieted in sweetness, and borne up above pain, to rejoice in tribulations ; and behold the mysteries of Hea- ven, revealed to my understanding. This is much better than the operation of opium. When we have given up all things to the Father's will, and by his purifying baptisms are made clean, then are we restored into the Crea- tor's image of holiness. Oh J how much better for man to be awakened by afflictions, to experi- ence this happy state ; having the eyes sufficiently anointed to see things as they are, in the Divine sight ; and coming to buy gold, tried in the fire, so as to be rich in Heaven ; and having white raiment, knowing that the Lord hath clothed his nakedness ; than to be in a state of benumbed deception of being rich and full, when, in the Divine sight, he is poor and miserable, blind and naked. Did not Christ declare that many would be deceived, and not able to enter the kingdom of Heaven, where no unholy thing can enter? 50 MEMOIRS &C. OF Those that walk in the way of self denial, and whose work has been to lay up treasure in Hea- ven, often bringing their deeds to the light to know whether " they are wrought in God, " and if not, that they may be reproved — have not much for the fire of judgment to kindle upon. These are willing to go down into baptisms like one formerly, who desired that he might be purged and clean, that he might be washed and made whiter than snow. How can any expect to be prepared for that holy place, without going down into deep judgments, and into searching fiery baptisms, to refine them as pure gold? The Prophets, Christ, and the Apostles, pointed out these things ; that the old earth and the old hea- vens must pass away, and all things be made new. Darkness is to take place on this world's enjoyments. The prophet Joel says : " And I will show wonders in the heavens and in the earth ; blood, and fire, and pillars of smoke. The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood." And the Apostle Peter declared, that " the day BARNABY NIXON. 51 of the Lord will come as a thief in the night ; in which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat: the earth also, and the works that are therein, shall be burnt up. Seeing then, that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be, in all holy conversation, and godliness; looking for, and, hasting unto, the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat ? Never- theless, we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness." I have often thought, that seeing these bodies of flesh must shortly be dissolved, and our spirits be removed to a new place of abode, what man- ner of persons ought we to be indeed : employing ourselves in holy, godly conversation ! I have often desired that I might not hear much of the vain, trifling conversations of this world ; that I might not be drawn into them : as these things have a tendency to beget into the same likeness. I wish for my words to be fewer, and more d2 52 MEMOIRS, &C. OF savory, " for in the multitude of words (Solomon said) there wanteth not sin." In the spring of 1806, I felt drawings to attend the Yearly Meeting. My mind was brought into a sympathizing feeling with the state of society, and a deep travail of spirit for the gathering of back-sliders : so that, in my affliction of body and exercise of mind, I had but very little appetite to take nourishment ; and daily had fever : making breathing so laborious, that I many times thought I could not exist much longer. The night before the time to set out to the Yearly Meeting, I had hard strugglings till after midnight; feeling drawings revived to attend the meeting, and many reasonings against it; apprehending that I was not able to go halfway. I sat down, and endeavoured to feel after the Divine will, and, after some openings, I gave up to go, in obedience to the Divine call. The severe pain in my eye and head gradually abated; — I lay down, and got a little sleep in the latter part of the night. I BARNABY NIXON. 53 In the morning when we were nearly ready to set out, Elizabeth CoggeshaM came in, and her companion, who was then Mary Morton from Philadelphia, who had been one of my sympathi- zing friends, when I was there. [Elizabeth had been to his house before, in company with E. ByrdJ] I had almost lost the recollection of her. She sat down by me, and asked me if I did not remember a visit I had of several women friends, in company with Arthur Howel, when I was in a low state. I told her I had often to remember that time. She said that she was then one of the company. She named several friends that sent their love to me, and some, she said, were true sympathizers with me. At the revival of these things, we sat and shed tears together. We set out together, and although I was in much pain, and my appetite was so weak, that I sometimes found it difficult for me to take as much as three mouthfuls of bread and a cup of coffee, yet I was enabled to attend all the sittings of the yearly meeting, and to relieve my mind by spreading my exercise before friends. But one or two long sittings I felt most easy to leave, a little before they adjourned. 54 MEMOIRS, &C. OF I met with painful exercises, but I felt divine love to own my being there : and in the last sitting of the meeting, I could joyfully say, that " I sat down under his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste." And I had to call to my beloved friends, and invite them to come and partake with me. I also had solid opportunities with several at my quarters, and some were much tendered. Elizabeth Coggeshall had much labour, and my spirit travailed with her, in the harmonizing unity. As I came on my way home, my mind was melted, in humble thankfulness for the many fa- vours bestowed upon me. I know it is a pleasant state to be meek and humble. The Lord delights in teaching such of his ways, and guides them in judgment. After I got home, I felt much exhausted and weak, both in body and in mind. I did not think I was able to attend meetings^ but that my work BARNABY NIXON. ' 55 was to exercise patience, in waiting for my change. Elizabeth and her companion, were about two weeks visiting the meetings, which belong to our quarter ; and then came to my house, in the morning before our meeting at Burleigh, I got out to meeting with them : and as I sat in the forepart of the meeting, I desired to be felt with, and, like Peter , to be washed and to be clean every whit. After a time of silence, Elizabeth began to speak of the happy state of being cloth- ed with immortality ; and said, that she had been brought into near sympathy with her afflicted brother, who was then sitting near to her ; and who had been a faithful labourer in that meeting. But now he had nearly done his day's work, and would soon rest from his labours, and receive the reward of the faithful. She addressed several different states then present : and afterwards was exercised in supplication ; in which she interce- ded for her afflicted friend, with whom, she said, her soul was nearly united, that the Lord would continue to be near him, through the remaining part of his afflictions, who was, sometimes, made 56 MEMOIRS &C. OF to be thankful, and rejoice in them. She ak( interceded for his son, and then for the othei part of the meeting. This was not only a consolitary time to me, but it was a favored meeting to others. Several friends said they had not been in such a meeting before ; and that her testimony concerning me, was of much more service, by its being delivered in a public meeting, than if it had been in my family. It tended to remove hard thoughts from some disorderly ones, with whom I had honestly laboured. And some that were in a luke- warm state, not willing to comply with some parts of our discipline, were, at times, judging that I was too zealous. It tended to impress the labour which had been bestowed ; and to open friends' minds, to feel more affectionate love to- wards me ; and to receive close, sound doctrine afterwards. My spirit was so revived, that my appetite returned ; and I was strengthened to at- tend many more meetings, which were favored seasons. BARNABY NIXON. 57 The following appears to have been written not long before his death, when he reviezoed and revi- sed the memorandums, which he had preserved; but tlw precise time is not evident, i We find it was by Divine revelation, that the wise men and the shepherds found Christ, with his mother : they rejoiced, and made obeisance to him, when the wicked hated him. It was by this inward operation, that others rejoiced in the coming of Christ ; and good old Simeon, embra- ced the Messiah in his arms. It was those only, who were willing to receive the offers of salvation, that were benefited by them. But how can any ever expect to profit by any offer, as long as they reject it ? for then, it cannot be their possession or enjoyment, bat the receivers only can possess and enjoy. As, in former days, those who did receive sal- vation by Christ, came under the operation of his Holy Spirit, so it must be in every age of the world. 58 MEMOIRS, &C. OF I now feel, that the time is near at hand for me to pass away from works, to the rewards due for the deeds of my life : yet I feel concerned for my fellow mortals, in beholding the lamenta- ble state of mankind ; as Christ declared, that but few were chosen, out of the many who were called : " for wide is the gate and broad is the way, that leadeth to distruction, and many there be, that go in thereat. Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it." When I view the present generation, it is lamentable that so few are walking in the narrow way of self denial, that leads to life. And when we consider the accounts we have received of mankind, in former ages, from one generation to another, it appears that very many, never would submit to the strait leadings and judgings of Divine wisdom for them : but chose to gratify their carnal desires, and not be under the Divine control. So they have taken liberties in the broad ways of this world, to their own destruc- tion. And some, while they are taking liberties in follies and dissipations, which they know are BARNABY NIXON. 59 wrong, at the same time flatter themselves with trusting in the mercies and favors of the Almigh- ty ; — that he will pardon all their sins, and not suffer them to fall into eternal misery. But they are despising his visitations of love ; and while he is calling unto them, they will not hear ; while he is stretching out his arms of favour, all the day of their visitation, they will not regard it; they refuse to walk in his judgments, neither will they have any of his reproofs. Man is left free, to choose for himself good or evil, and he hath the power of acting therein. And then he must partake of the fruits of his own labour. If men will be purchased by Sa- tan's temptations, and give themselves up to be the servants of sin ; pleading for continuing in sin, saying that there is no probability of over- coming the evil powers, is this world ; how can these expect to have any ability to release them- selves from those evil powers, under which they have suffered themselves to be bound. 60 MEMOIRS, &C. OF My Cousin James Ladd had been in a con- sumptive declining way, for several months, and was desirous to see me ; but he did not expect I was able to go, till some friends encouraged him to believe I might be able to go, in an easy? close carriage. His son James D. Ladd, came for me in the 9th month, 1806. I thought it right to wait for Truth's counsel ; lest I might under- take what I could not perform. And the answer to me, in my silent waiting, was ; " Go with him, for it is right for thee, now, to go with him, as it was for Peter to go to the house of Cornelius, when he was sent for." Although I believed that my weak body would have to endure much fa- tigue and pain, yet I had to believe that I should live to be brought home again. So I gave up to go ; having my wife [a second Wife.~\ to nurse me. After we set out, the day proved to be very rainy, and the river was rough. The carriage was lifted into the boat, with my wife and me shut up in it. We had four hands to row the boat, and Ave were an hour in getting across. I thought of the danger wc appeared to be in, of BARNABY NIXON. 61 being turned out of the boat ; but I felt my mind stayed, quieted, and easy, in believing I had that word to go, which is above the wind and waters, and is all powerful to command them. We got that evening to James Denson LadfTs. I was so fatigued, that my bones and joints were in so much pain, I could get no rest for several hours. The next morning we got to James Ladd's — found him in a weak state ; but he was glad to see me. I often had to leave him, and lie down to rest myself. ' James desired that we might have a private opportunity together : so the family withdrew, and he communicated his tried situation to me. I desired him to give up willingly to the bap- tisms of death, that he might experience the resurrection of life: — I wished him to keep in the hope. I thought we might rejoice together in considering how we had given up to the heaven- ly call, in the morning of our days : — We ought to travel down, into deep judgments, that we might be enabled to bear every needful work, to fit us for the holy habitation : — We had great encouragement to submit to the refining dispell- 62 MEMOIRS, &C. OF sations, and trust in the Lord's promises, that when his people passed through the waters, the floods should not overwhelm them, and when they passed through the fire it should not kindle upon them : — like one formerly, that said, when he passed through the region and shadow of death, he would fear no e vil. David declared the Lord's judgments were true and righteous altoge- ther ; more to be desired than gold, yea than much fine gold ; sweeter also than honey and the honey comb. He could sing of his judgments, and of his mercy ; for when he willingly submit- ted to his judgments, then his mercy over- shadowed him. When I have willingly partaken of the bitter cup, then I have known it to be sweetened to me, and hard things made easy. So that I have been made to sing of the Lord's judgments, finding that they wrought for my good. Christ said to his followers ; " A little while they should seek him, and could not find him." My mind was bowed in travail, to pray for him. The Lord in His wisdom hath ordered BARNABY NIXON. 63 the day to continue to succeed the night, and the winter and summer seasons to succeed each other. He causes the sun to be withdrawn, with its warmth, from the earth ; then the power of coldness takes place, and congeals the earth, and waters into a hard, frozen state, like a rock. Bnt by this means the earth is enriched, and made more fertile, after it is softened again by the warmth of the sun. So the Lord's children spiritually experience such dispensations, in the work of the new creation. How ought we then, patiently to wait in the winter season, and quietly hope for the coming again of the Son of righteousness ; to soften our hearts, and make them penetrable ; and capable of yielding greater increase of precious fruits to the Divine owner. Oh! let patience have its perfect work, until the Lord may be pleased to say to the north, give up thy frozen state ; and, come thou south wind, and blow upon my enclo- sed garden ; and cause the shut up spring to be opened, and the fountain to be unsealed. My spirit travailed in faith for my friend ; 64 MEMOIRS, &C. OF that, if he would do his part, the Lord would bring him to experience these things. After being with him several days, I proposed coming home on the morrow, which was the se- venth day of the week. He paused for some time, and told me he thought that he could not give me up willingly to come home till second day ; for he wished me to have a sitting in his family to- morrow, and the next day to attend their meeting. He desired his sons to be collected. I submit- ted to have a sittingin his family, and it was a favored time ; the next day they had my wife and me taken to their meeting ; and, although I thought I had taken leave of that meeting before, I was engaged to labour nearly as long as my weak body could bear. Elizabeth Patterson, from Carolina, also attended that meeting ; and treated on the subject of the Vineyard which had much done in it, and yet it brought forth wild fruit. Oh ! how deplorable must that state be ;— to have the divine hedge taken away, and that which is good to be eaten up, the wall to be broken down, and it to be trodden under foot; BARNABY/ NIXON. 65 and the clouds to be commanded to rain no rain upon it. James Denson Ladd y was to take us to his house that afternoon : and as the time drew near for our last parting, I was brought into sympathi- zing feeling with James/ and was impressed with the considerations of the Lord's dealing's o with his people, from one generation to another. That he would have a people, who were proved by trying dispensations : and that it had been his will, that their brethren should feel with them and pray for them, in the times of their trials. So I was impressed to kneel down by the bed side, and cry unto Him whose ear is not grown heavy, that it cannot hear, nor his hand shorten- ed that it cannot save. I interceded for my afflicted friend, and for those that were about him, to be brought under a right concern to feel with him. We had travail- ed much together in the oneness of spirit, and 6ur parting was trying to us both. He held me by the hand a considerable time ; and said he was thankful for the favors he had received. 66 MEMOIRS, &C. OF After getting to Demon's that evening, my hoarseness increased, so that I was brought to whispering. The next day we were confined to the house, it being an uncommon time of rain. I had such piercing pains in my back, that I could scarcely move : motion seemed like taking away my breath ; and had it not been that I reli- ed on the word of faith, I believe that I should have despaired of getting home. But I got a little relieved, and Joseph Ladd took us the next day home. The weak state of my body, and the exercise of mind which I had to pass through, the cold also which I had taken, confined me to my bed much of my time for several weeks. James Ladd lived a little more than two weeks after I left him. I was informed that a little be- fore his death, perceiving some person looking earnestly on him, he said " all men must come to this," and that he should make a good end, which would crown all. That is a happy state, to die the death of the righteous : Blessed are the dead, that die in the BA.RNABY NIXON. 67 Lord's favour ; they rest from their labours, and their works follow them. Although I knew that I was not able to get out to meetings, yet I felt my mind so much drawn to our next monthly meeting, to be held at Burleigh, that I sometimes had faith to be- lieve, that I should be recruited and strengthened to attend it, and when the time came, I was much revived. A friend came in the morning to see me, and took me in his carriage to the meeting ; where I was strengthened to labour much to my relief. I was also carried to meeting the next day, and was favored to labour, beyond what friends or myself could have expected. But when I thought to stand up in the meeting as usual, my joints were so full of pain that I did not feel able to stand, so I kept my seat and spoke as I had strength given. After that, the weather was often cold and wet ; and I was so much afflicted with pains, that I needed help to turn myself in bed, and to be raised up to put on my clothes. 68 When the monthly meeting in the 12th month came, I had not been out to meetings for two months; the aflliction of my eye and head, had affected my nerves, through my body, drawing many ways like the cramp; which occasioned great soreness and pain when lying in bed. So that I was not able many times to turn myself in bed, nor to get up without help. — In the evening, af- ter friends came from meeting, I told them I thought it was not likely that I should be able to go out to meetings any more. But after going to bed, my mind was weightily drawn to sit with friends once more. In the morning, I informed friends of my ex- ercise, and queried whether it would do for me to go to meeting, or whether I must appoint a time and request friends to come and sit with me, in my house. They said that after going to bed, they were thinking about my going out ; believ- ing that it would be no disadvantage for me to go to meeting. So they carried me ; but the jolting of the carriage, seemed almost like taking away my breath. Friends took me out of the carriage, and I got seated in the meeting: and BARNABY NIXON. 69 He that promised to be strength in weakness, strengthened me, to my admiration, to continue my speech, greatly to the relief of my exercised mind. The meeting held nearly three hours, and I rested much better the night after. The painful afflicting state of my body increas- ed, which is very trying to nature. I often desire that patience may have its perfect work ; remem- bering the Apostle's declaration, that tribulation worketh patience, and patience experience, and experience hope, which maketh not ashamed. Rom. v. 3, 4, 8?c. The first month is nearly run out in the year 1807, and I am almost helpless, waiting for my change. Here this worthy friend brought the account of his life and exercises to a close, about two weeks before his decease. Under the sore afflic- tions which were permitted to attend him, he was much favored with tranquillity of mind, and re- signation to the divine will. He continued to manifest a tender concern for his friends, and 70 MEMOIRS OF BARNABY NIXON. fervent attachment to the cause of Truth ; and frequently requested opportunities of silence, with his family, and friends who came to see him. On these occasions, he was often enabled to administer suitable admonition and counsel, and was several times engaged in vocal supplica- tion in a very remarkable manner. At one time, as he was lying quietly composed, he said to a friend who was near him ; u I seem to hear the harmonious sound of songs of love. " Thus supported by an invisible hand, and ani- mated by the prospect before him, he approached that awful period. And departed this life, the 13th day of the 2nd month, 1807. Printers, York. pi6iisf)tfc an* ^oia BY W. ALEXANDER & SON, YORK. N. B. Their Octavo Catalogue for 1822 may be had, Gratis. NEW WORKS & NEW EDITIONS. Memoir of the Life, Travels, and Religious Experience, of MARTHA ROUTH, written by herself or compiled from her own Narrative, 12mo. Boards 4 6 A New Edition of Observations on the EDUCA- TION of CHILDREN, and Hints to Young People on the Duties of Civil Life, by James Mott, Royal 18mo. boards 1 " Memoirs of the Life of the Rev. 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