Alwnys orcter * * DE WITT^S " Acting Plavs. PR top: 25 OI^^.NTS. ^®/»y X 3E wrrrs acting plays ^^^^^'^^^ (]VuinT>ei' 308.) VACATION AN ORIGINAL COMEDY, 13>a^ T-\7VO -A.OTS -BY- CHARLES TOWNSEND, Author of ''Border Land,'' ''Broken Fetters,'' etc., etc. TOGETHER WITH A Description of the Costumes— Cast of tlie Cliara^i-s— Entrances and Exits— Relative Positions of tlie Performers on the Stage— and the whole of tlie Stage Business, THE DE WITT PUBLISHING HOUSE, ISUi. 33 Hose Street. ACdfMPLETE DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE OF DE WITT'S ACTING p|>AYS and DE WITT'S ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMAS, containing Plot. Coltume, Scenery, Time of Representation, and all other intormation, mailed Free and vost-paid on application. IDI3 X'^ITT'S Ethiopian and Comic Drama. Nothing so thorough aud complete in the way of Ethiopian and Comic Dramas has ever been printed a« those that appear in the following list. Not only are the plots ex- cellent, the characters droll, the incidents funny, the language humorous, but all the situations, by-play, positions, pantomimic business, scenery, and tricks are so plainly put down and clearly explained that the merest novice could put any of them on the stage. Included in this Catalogue are all the most laughable and effective pieces of their kind ever produced. , j8®=- Any of the following Plays sent, postage free, on receipt of price— Fifteen C^ents each. 4^ III ordering, i)lease give correctly the title of each piece wanted. ^**Tliese Plays require but one scene, unless otherwise stuteJ. 'Ill* ligaias ir. Ihe columus indicate tlie number of characters-^M. laile; F. Ferzalo. No. Ul. 107. 113. 133. 43. 42. 79. 40. 155. 6. 10. 11. 14B. 110. 126. 127. 128. 120. 78. 89. 24. 108. 35. 112. 41. 144. 140. 12. 53. 63 131. 124. 111. 139. 159. 157. 50. 64. 95. 67. 4. 136. M. F. Absent Minded, Eth. farce 3 1 African Box, Eth. burlesque, 2 sc. 5 Africanus Bluebeard, Eth. musical burlesque 6 2 Ambition, Irish farce, 2 scenes.... 7 Awful Plot (An), Eth. farce 3 1 Baby Elephant, Eth. sketch, 2 sc. 7 1 Bad' Whiskey, Irish sketch 3 1 Barney's Courtship, Irish musical interlude 1 1 Big Mistake, Ethiopian sketch. .. 4 Black Brigands, musical burlesque S Black Chap from Wliitechapel, Ethiopian farce 4 Black Chemist. Ethiopian sketch.. 3 Black-Ey'dWilliani,Eth.sketch,2BC. 4 1 Black Forrest (The), Eth. farce... 2 Black Magician, Eth. comicality.. 4 Black Statue (The). Eth. farce. ... 4 Blinks and Jinks, Eth. sketch 3 B )bolino, the Black Bandit, Eth. musical farce 2 Body Snatchers (The), Eth. sketch 2 scenes 4 Bogus Indian, sketch, 4 scenes. ... 5 Bogus Talking Machine, Eth. farce 4 Bruised aud Cured, Eth. Sketch.. 2 Charge of the Hash Brigade, comic Irish musical sketch 2 Christmas Eve in the South, Eth. farce 6 Coal Heaver's Revenge, Eth sketch 6 Coming Man, Eth. sketch. 2 scenes 3 Cremation. Etb. sketch, 2 scenes. . 8 Crowded Hotel (The), sketch 4 Cupid's Frolics, sketch 5 Daguerreotypes, Eth. sketch 3 Damon and Pythias, Eth, burlesque 2 scenes...' 5 Darkey's Stratagem, Eth. sketch.. 3 Darkey Sleep Walker, Eth. sketch. 3 Deaf as a Post, Eth. sketcli 2 Deeds of Darkness, Eth. extrava- ganza 6 Desperate Situation, farce 6 Dodging the Police, farce 6 Don't Get Weary, musical sketch. 1 Draft (The), Eth. sketch, 2 scenes. 6 Dutchman's Ghost (The), sketch.. 4 Dutch Justice. Dutch sketch 11 Editor's Troubles, farce 6 Eh? What is it? Eth. sketch 4 Election Day. Eth. farce, 2 scenes. 6 Elopement (The), farce, 3 scenes.. 4 Excise Trials, Eth. sketch 10 Fellow that Looks like Me, inter- lude 2 1'119. No. 88. 51. 152. 106. 157. 83. 77. 17. 58. 31. 20. 82. 130. 86. 70. 61. 142. 23. 118. 3. 48. 68. 150. 71. 123. 33. 94. 103. 1. 36. 101.' 117. 158. 44. First Night, Dutch farce Fisherman's Luck, Eth. sketch... Fun in a Cooper's Shop, Eth. sketch Gambrinns, King of Lager Beer, Eth. burlesque, 2 scenes Gentlemen Coon's Parade, Eth. musical sketch German Emigrant, Dutch sketch.. Getting Square on the Call Boy, Eth. sketch Ghost (The), Eth. sketch Ghost in a l?awn Shop, Eth. sketch Glycerine Oil, Eth. sketch, 2 sc... Going for the (;np, Eth interlude. Good Night's Rest, «r. I hardly noticed him. He was not in our boat, you know. Why do \o\\ ask ? Dun. (carelessl)/). Oh, for nothing in particular, {doiim R.) Pem. (c). Here he comes with Brayton. Dun. a word. (Pemberton comes e.) Take a good look a?t him. Eniei- Herbert and Bratton, l. u. e. Herbert. Here you are, safe and sound. 8 VACATION. Brayton. Aw — yaas. Thanks, awfull3^ Herb. Want any more help ? Bray. I caun't think of anythhig; — er~aw yaas — you might polish up my shoes, don't cherknow ? Herb. No, I don't know. Do I look like a bootblack ? Bray. Weally I — I meant no ofleuce. Herb. Exactly ; but in future be careful who you ask to black your shoes, or you may get your nose polished instead"^ {goes up c.) Bray, (l., aside). Oh deah ! 1 don't half like this. I'd much wather be at home. {Exit, l. Dun. Do you recognize him ? Pem. He looks like— Good heavens ! can it be Dun. Herbert Wells ? I think so. I'll tind out. Herb, {down c). How do you like the camp, gentlemen? Dux. Very much indeed, Mr.— what may I call you ? Herb. Whatever you please. I'm usually called Jim, without any Mister. Dun. Jim ? Herb. That's it— J-i-m. Easy to spell, and not hard to pronounce. Dun. I am glad you have told me; otherwise I might have made the mistake of calling you Herbert Wells. Herb. I should make no mistake whatever in calling you Paul Pry.| Dun. Don't be impertinent, fellow. Herb. Impertinent ? Why, are you superior to anybody ? Dun. I'm superior to a thief. Herb, {raising fist). You cur ! I'll Pem. (between them). Gentlemen ! No quarreling here. Herb. I'll not quarrel. But the man who calls Jfm Parr a thief must eat his words or get hurt. Dun. If you are not Herbert Wells I apologize. Herb. Then Ave'll drop it. But after this be sure you make no such mistakes, {to Pemberton) Would you like to try a shot, sir ? I heard a partridge drumming down by the lake. Pem. I'll join you with pleasure. Herb. This way, then. Clancy has the guns. {They exit, k. Dun. {iNitching them). Jim Parr, eh ? Here's richness. If that fel- fellow isn't Herbert Wells, then I'm asleep. At all events, I've made him deny his identity, so that he and old 'Pemberton will not come to an understanding; otherwise it would be devilish awkward for me. Stuff"! He's too proud to talk of it, and old Pemberton is such a blind fool that he thinks me a saint— just a little too good, perhaps, for this wicked world. Thai cursed Haggles is safe behind the bars, so what have I to fear ? (l.) Nothing, my dear fellow, just nothing at all. ^ {Exit, L. Enter Jack and Dick, k. Dick. It's an outrageous swindle ! Jack. It's nothing of the sort. Can you expect any self-respecting fish to bite when a wild-eyed lunatic is thrashing the water with his pole, trying to upset the boat, and using language full of brimstone? No, sir. Fish are sensitive creatures, and when you try to catch them with clubs or bad words, you are sure to get left. Dick. Well, I hooked a big one, anyway. Jack. And of course It got away; the big ones always do. Enter Old Obadiah, l. VACATION. 9 Old Obadiaii. How cV do, folks? Be you the campers ? Dick. We be. Don't you see a sort of distressed look about us— myself especially ? Old 0. Wal, I dunno but what you do look sorter peakid. Ain't sick uer nothin', be you ? Dick. Yes, I'm very sick — of camp life. Old 0. 1 want ter know ? Now, it war jest this mornin' I sez to young Obadiaii— thet's my son, named arter me. Yer see. I'm Obadiaii Sig- gins — got a shack an' a little clearin' crost tlier lake, whar I raise garden truck and sech. Bein' ef you want any, I kin let you have some at reg'lar rates. An' as fer bread now, niy wife — she tliet was Almiry Jones— kin beat the Dutch at bakin' ; alius tuck fust prize at ther county fair, though Deacon Higgins' darter Sally — she thet married a tin ped- dler, an' got killed by a runaway hoss — uster gin her a clus rub. An' aigs, too,"'though they da come ruther high ; but law, I s'pose you city folks'll hev 'em anyhow, as my wife sez ter me this mornin'; she sez, sez she, " Obadiah," sez she Jack. I beg your pardon, Mr. Siggins, but some time ago— along in the glacial period— you were about telling me what you said to young Obadiah. Would it be too much trouble to go back and report that memorable conversation ? Perhaps your burning words may find a l)lace in the Daily Cyclone. Old O. Shoo now ! Be you the editor of the Cyclone, an' do you write all the things in it ? Dick. Oh, certainly. He writes all the things. Old 0. Wal, wal, wal. An' what's your bisness? Dick. The stage. Old 0. I wanter know ! Gee ! I uster drive a stage myself. DrcK. You don't quite catch the idea. I mean the theatrical stage. Old 0. Shucks ! You ain't a play acter, be you ? Jack. The public may be in doubt on the subject, but he is not. Old 0. Not an acter ? Dick. Not in doubt. Old 0. Then you he an acter. Say, you're jest the feller I wanter see an' hev a talk witli. You see, j^oung Obadiah— thet's my son— he's dead sot on bein' a play acter. He war' over ter town onct an' seen a show erbout Uncle Tom's Cabin. Ever hearn tell of it ? Jack. The name sounds familiar. I think Dick played Tom once, didn't you, Dick ?— or was it Little Eva ? (Dick shakes his fist at him.) Old 0. An' then he read 'n a paper 'bout how much a acter named Booth makes, {to Dick) Maybe you've seen him. Dick. Rather. Old 0. You ain't him, be you ? Jack (aside). Oh lord ! Old 0. Anyhow, he's jest sot crazy ter ace, an' I s'pose he kin du it ez good's anybody. 'Tain't very hard, I guess. Jack. No, it's not hard on the actor, but sometimes it's very hard on the audience. E7iter Young Obadiah, l. Young O. Say, pa, ain't you 'most ready ter go hum ? Old 0. Come here, Oby."^ Now, I've ben a tellin' these here city fellers 'bout your wantin' ter be a play acter. Now, mebby it ud be a good idee ter speak thet piece fer 'em wot you larned out ter a paper. Young O. I don't want ter. {ttvists about bashfully.) Old O. Oh shucks ! Yes you du. Come now, toe the mark. 10 VACATION. Young 0. Hain't no mark ter toe. Old 0. Then toe the place where the mark orter be. Young 0. {toes the mark, hoios awkicanUy, and speaks the following verses in a droning, sdioolboy manner. Stands first on one foot, then on the other; tivists ahont ; looks down for awhile, then looks up; gesticulates clumsily, sometimes at the beginning, and sometimes at the end of a line ; draws back of hand across nostrils occasionally. This recitation can be made very funny with practice.) At midnight 'n his guarded tent The Turk uz dreamin' uv the hour When Greece er knee 'n suj^plunce bent, Should tremble at his power. An hour passed on — the Turk awoke — That bright dream was his last. He woke to hear the sentrj- shriek To arms ! They come! The Greek ! The Greek ! He woke ter die mid flame 'n smoke. An' shout, {pauses) an' shout — an' all that sort o' thing. {then, confidently) Strike — till the last armed foe expires! Strike — for your altars and your fires ! Strike — for the green graves of your sires, God 'n your native land! {last line t6ry rapidly.) Old 0. Thar, now ! Ever see anything like that afore ? Jack. Never ! Old 0. Hain't Dick. Doubtless. Enter Brayton, l. Bray. Unusual ? Bah Jove ! Wichard, you must take him to New York, don't cher know, don't cher see, foh he'd be funnier, don't cher understand, than a whole cage of monkeys, {stares at Young Obadiah, and' pokes cane at him.) Old O. Great fishhooks ! Air it alive ? Young 0. Say, pa, he's lafl^n' at me. Can't you make him stop ? Old 0. You let him alone, you dumb fool ! Mad, ain't you, 'cause you can't speak like him ? Let's see you try. Bray. Great Scott ! DrcK. Make him speak. Jack. Or sing. Young O. {laughing). Haw, haw, haw ! Kin he sing ? He looks like a bird, don't he, pa ? Bray, {angrily). I'll bweak my walking stick ovah youah head ! Old 0. No you won't, sonny, 'cause then I'd break your head. Go on, speak your piece. Bray, {aside). I'll just show this wustic that I can speak, {aloud) All wight, {comes down c, stands straight as a ramrod, and speaks rap- idly, without gesture, and without letting his voice fall.) Half a league, half a league. Half a league onward ; All in the Valley of Death, Wode the Six Hundred. "Forward the Light Brigade, Charge foh the guns," he said; Into the Valley of Death AVode the Six Hundred. VACATION. 11 Cannon to wight of them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon to front of them, Volleyed and thundered; Stormed at with shot and shell, Boldly they wode, and well; Into the jaws of death, Into the mouth of— well, no mattah — Wode the Six Hundred. Then they wode back, but not Not the Six Hundred, {during t/iis recitation the others ham quietly left the stage, going qf-R. and l.) Of cowse not, foh there is only Four Hundred now. I daw say the otha two hundred have been dwopped out. {looks around) Hello ! Everybody has dwopped out. {goes up. ) Enter Toots, l. u. e., with ham^jer of dishes, etc. Toots. Come, sah, hump yo'self, hump yo'self. Bray. Are you addvvessing me? Toots. Co'se I is, co'se I is. Ever'body wuks in de woods. Heah, help sot de table, {jnits dishes, knives, forks, etc., into Brayton's hands, always having something ready as he turns away from table.) Brav. Oh deah ! What if some of the deah boys should see me ? I'd be wuined for life. This is dweadful ! Toots. You's doin' quite well, sar, quite well. Ef you had a few yeahs' practice you'd make atol'ble waitah, sah. (Brayton drops a iilate) Hey! Dat won't do. Hab to take dat outen you pay, sah. Bray. Blarst it ! Don't talk as if I were a waitah. Toots {bangs on tin pan). Dinnah ! Dinnah ! Dinnah ! Come along, ef you please, sah, an' help me fotch de grub. {Exeunt, l. u. e. Enter Dick and Jack, r. Dunbar, l. Jack. Hello, Dunbar ! Is your royal liver getting into working order ? Dun. {surlily). My liver is all right, thank you. Jack. Then it must be that yoiir conscience is troubling you. (Dun- bar turns away imijatiently) No, it can't be that, for you bankers haven't any. Dick. Not when you want to borrow money— I'll swear to that. (Toots brings in hamper of food and exits.) Dun. I believe that I am in my usual health; if not, I know where to seek proper advice. Jack {aside). What a bear ! Enter Pemberton aiid Herbert, r. Pem. Did anybody say dinner ? Jack. Yes sir. Just imagine yourself at the Cafe' Savarin — if you can. Dick. Oh, give us something easy. Pem. Well, "fall in," everybody, {they gather about the table.) Jack. Toots! All {in successio)i). Toots ! Toots ! T-o-o-t-s ! Toots {qfi,.). Yes sah ! Den. (q^L.).Come, naygur, git a move on yez. 12 VACATION. Bray. (ofL.). MurcUib ! Murdah! You black wetch ! Den, {of l.). Paste liim in the jaw ! Give it to him ! Pem. What's all this ? Den. (o/l.). That's a good wan — hit 'ini agin ! Toots (offL.). Wow ! Stop you' foolin' ! Eiitei' Brayton ayid Toots, l. Both are covered with flour, especially about the face. Toots. Ise gwine ter hab de law on him. Dick. Beei^ lighting, Brayton? Dun. This is really disgraceful. Bray. Yaas, isn't it? I'm going wight stwaight home. Jack. Have some dinner first. Go and wash your face, Toots, and send Clancy with the cofl'ee. Toots. Yes sah. {going l., aside) 'Tween dat ar Irishman an' dat ar dude dis yere chile am jes erbout sick ob liviu'. [Exit, l. Dick. Fire the salmon over here. Jack. All right, {takes package from hamper and tosses it to Dick) Cut the string. Dick {ope)is package). Moses ! These are earth worms, confound you ! {throws package aside.) Jack. It's all the same. The fish eat 'em, and you eat the fish. What's the difference ? Enter Dennis, l., loith large coffee-pot. The others, meanwhile, have been eating during foregoing conversation. Dennis fllls cups. Bray. Aw, I say, Mr. Guide, are there weally any wild animals heah in the woods ? Herb. Plenty of them. Bray. What would you do if you should see — aw — a bear, for in- stance ? Herb. It would depend upon what the bear did. Dun. And supposing you were to meet a rascal here, what then ? Herb. What then ? AYhy, {tvith meaning) I should drop everything, look him straight in the face, and ask him "if he expects to keep out of jail much longer. Bray, {choking). Ug— ug 1 Pkm. What's the matter ? Jack. Pound him on the back! Dick. Roll him on a log ! Den. Polace! Herb. Slap his back. (Jack aiid Dick do so.) BitAY. {relieved). All wight, all wight. Quit now. This is no slugging match. Bah Jove ! You fellahs are twying to do me up I weckon. Den. Thare ! That's all the thanks we get fer savin' yer loife. I'd rather go an' quarrel with the naygur than hear a dude gabble, [Ecit, L. Pem. This coffee doesn't taste just right. Dun. Nor mine. All {after sipping). Nor mine. Herb. Let's see what's wrong, {opens coffee-pot and p,ulls out large hair brush) A hair brush ! Whose is it ? Bray. Aw, yaas— it's mine. I was wondering what had become of it. VACATION. 13 t>iCK (rtff.er a imnse, qiiiefhj). Mr. Brayton, would you not like to go away somewhere and stop breathino; for a year or two ? Bray. Pewaps you think I made the coflee; but weally 1 didn't. Pem. Curtis, let's have a shy at some of the lake trout. Dun. All right, (to Pemberton) I'd like to use a club on that bull- head ! [Exit 'With Pemberton, r. Bray. He looked weal savage. I wonder if he was talking about me. Old 0. {off-L. u. e.). I guess you had better get out. Young 0. Make him go, pa, make him go. Old 0. Jest what I will. Enter Raggles and the Obadiahs, l. u. e. Raggles. My dear sir, pray do not get excited. The weather is warm, and any undue excitement might cause a rush of blood to the head, which might prove fatal. See ? Old 0. Wal, ef I war runnin' this here camp thar'd be a rush o' feet to your coat-tails. Herb. What's the trouble here ? Young O. Ye see, pa an' me wus goin' hum, an' we met this here tramp, an' he war sassy, an' pa war goin' ter giv him a lickin', an' he throw'd pa ther fust grab, an' so we 'eluded we'd better come up an' tell you folks 'bout it, an' the ole tramp come right along, sa3an' as how he'd jes as much right here 'n the woods as anybody. Old 0. {speakiu'j