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 LACON; 
 
 MANY THINGS IN FEW WORDS: 
 
 > 
 
 ADDRESSED 
 
 NEW YORK: 
 WILLIAM GOWANS. 
 
 1849. 
 
 
 
 TO THOSE WHO THINK. 
 
 BY THE REV. d C^COLTON, A. M. 
 
 « THE PROPER STUDY OF MANKIND IS MAN." $ 
 
 . i 
 
 REVISED EDITION, 
 
 WITH AN INDEX. 
 
TN 637/ 
 
 ADVERTISEMENT 
 
 TO THE FIRST AMERICAN STEREOTYPE EDITION 
 
 The Publisher of this stereotype edition of Lacon has long 
 found it a subject of complaint with his acquaintances that 
 they could not procure a good copy of this work for their 
 libraries. The editions which have been published, in this 
 country, are not only printed on bad paper, but also abound 
 with typographical and grammatical errors. Great care has 
 been taken to have this edition correct in both those particu- 
 lars, and it is confidently expected that it will prove so to be. 
 He has also, — for the satisfaction of that large class of readers 
 wno have not studied the language, — had the numerous Latin 
 quotations in the work translated, and put in the form of notes, 
 at the bottom of each page. 
 
 Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1849, by 
 Wm. Gowans, in the Clerk's Office of the District of New York. 
 
 LC Control Number 
 
 tmp96 
 
 031327 
 
PREFACE 
 
 There are three difficulties in authorship ; to write 
 liny thing worth the publishing — to find honest men 
 to publish it — and to get sensible men to read it. Lit- 
 erature has now become a game ; in which the Book- 
 sellers are the kings ; the Critics, the knaves ; the 
 Public, the pack; and the poor Author, the mere 
 table, or thing played upon. 
 
 For the last thirty years, the public mind has had 
 such interesting and rapid incidents to witness, and 
 to reflect upon, and must now anticipate some that 
 will be still more momentous, that any thing like dul- 
 ness or prosing in authorship, will either nauseate, or 
 be refused ; the idealities of life have pampered the 
 public palate with a diet so stimulating, that vapidity 
 has now become as insipid as water to a dram-drink- 
 er, or sober sense to a fanatic. 
 
 The attempts however of dulness, are constantly 
 repeated, and a? constantly fail. For the misfortune 
 is that the head of dulness, unlike the tail of the tor- 
 pedo, loses nothing of her benumbing and lethargi- 
 zing influence, by reiterated discharges ; horses may 
 ride over her and mules and asses may trample upon 
 her, but with an exhaustless and a patient perversity, 
 she continues her narcotic operation even to the end. 
 In fact, the press was never so powerful in quantity^ 
 and so weak in quality, as at the present day ; if ap- 
 plied to it, the simile of Virgil must be reversed, 
 6 Non trunco sed frondibus efficit umbramS* It is 
 in literature as in finance — much paper and much 
 poverty may coexist. 
 
 It may happen that I myself am now committing 
 
 » The haves, not the trunks cast the shadow.— Fun. 
 
iv PREFACE. 
 
 the very crime that I think I am censuring.^ But 
 while justice to my readers compels me to admit that 
 I write, because I have nothing to do, justice to my- 
 self induces me to add, that I will cease to write the 
 moment I have nothing to say. Discretion has been 
 termed the better part of valour, and it is more certain 
 that diffidence is the better part of knowledge. Where 
 I am ignorant, and know that I am so, I am silent. 
 That Grecian gave a better reason for his taciturnity, 
 than most authors for their loquacity, who observed, 
 c What was to the purpose I could not say ; and what 
 was not to the purpose I would not say? And yet 
 Shakspeare has hinted, that even silence is not al- 
 ways £ commendable :' since it may be foolish, if we 
 are wise, but wise if we are foolish. The Grecian's 
 maxim would indeed be a sweeping clause in litera- 
 ture ; it would reduce many a giant to a pigmy ; many 
 a speech to a sentence ; and many a folio to a primer. 
 As the fault of our orators is, that they get up to make 
 a speech, rather than to speak ; so the great error of 
 our authors is, that they sit down to make a book rath- 
 er than to write. To combine profundity with per- 
 spicuity, wit with judgment, solidity with vivacity, 
 truth with novelty, and all of them with liberality — 
 who is sufficient for these things? a very serious 
 question ; but it is one which authors had much bet- 
 ter propose to themselves before publication, than have 
 proposed to them by their editors after it. 
 
 I have thrown together in this work, that which is 
 the result of some reading and reflection ; if it be but 
 little, I have taken care that the volume which contains 
 it, shall not be large. I plead the privilege which a 
 preface allows to an author for saying thus much of 
 myself; since if a writer be inclined to egotism, a 
 preface is the most proper place for him to be deliv- 
 ered of it ; for prefaces are not always read, and ded- 
 ications seldom ; books, says my lord Bacon, should 
 have no patrons but truth and reason. Even the at- 
 tractive prose of Dryden, could not dignify dedica- 
 tions ; and perhaps they ought never to be resorted to 
 
PREFACE. v 
 
 being as derogatory to the writer, as dull to the read* 
 er, and when not prejudicial, at least superfluous. If 
 a book really wants the patronage of a great name, it 
 is a bad book, and if it be a good book, it wants it not. 
 Swift dedicated a volume to Prince Posterity, and 
 there was a manliness in the act. Posterity will prove 
 a patron of the soundest judgment, as unwilling to 
 give, as unlikely to receive, adulation. But Posterity 
 is not a very accessible personage ; he knows the high 
 value of that which he gives, he therefore is extremely 
 particular as to what he receives. Very few of the 
 presents that are directed to him, reach their destin- 
 ation. Some are too light, others too heavy, since, it 
 is as difficult to throw a straw any distance, as a ton. 
 [ have addressed this volume to those who think, and 
 some may accuse me of an ostentatious independence, 
 in presuming to inscribe a book to so small a minority. 
 But a volume addressed to those who think, is in fact 
 addressed to all the world ; for although the propor- 
 tion of those who do think be extremely small, yet 
 every individual flatters himself that he is one of the 
 number. In the present rage for all that is marvellous 
 and interesting, when writers of undoubted talent con- 
 sider only what will sell, and readers only what will 
 please, it is perhaps a bold experiment to send a vol- 
 ume into the world, whose very faults, (manifold as 
 I fear they are,) will cost more pains to detect, than 
 sciolists would feel inclined to bestow, even if they 
 were sure of discovering nothing but beauties. Some 
 also of my conclusions will no doubt be condemned 
 by those who will not take the trouble of looking into 
 the postulata ; for the soundest argument will pro- 
 duce no more conviction in an empty nead, than 
 the most superficial declamation ; as a feather and a 
 guinea fall with equal velocity in a vacuum. 
 
 The following pages, such as they are, have cost 
 me some thought to write, and they may possibly cost 
 others some to read them. Like Demosthenes, who 
 talked Greek to the waves, I have continued my task, 
 with the hope of instructing others with the certainty 
 
vi PREFACE. 
 
 of improving myself. ' Labor ipse voluptasS* It is 
 much safer to think what we say, than to say what we 
 think; I have attempted both. This is a work of no 
 party, and my sole wish is, that truth may prevail in 
 the church, and integrity in the state, and that in both, 
 the old adage may be verified, that i the men of prin- 
 ciple may be the principal men.' Knowledge is in- 
 deed as necessary as light, and in this coming age 
 most fairly promises to be as common as water, and 
 as free as air. But as it has been wisely ordained 
 that light should have no colour, water no taste, and 
 air no odour, so knowledge also should be equally pure, 
 and without admixture. If it comes to us through the 
 medium of prejudice, it will be discoloured ; through 
 the channels of custom, it will be adulterated ; through 
 the gothic walls of the college, or of the cloister, it 
 will smell of the lamp. 
 
 He that studies books alone, will know how things 
 ought to be ; and he that studies men, will know how 
 things are ; and it would have been impossible to have 
 written these pages, without mixing somewhat more 
 freely with the world, than inclination might prompt, 
 or judgment approve. For observation, made in the 
 cloister, or m the desert, will generally be as obscure 
 as the one, and as barren as the other : but he that 
 would paint with his pencil, must study originals, and 
 not be over fearful of a little dust. In fact, every au- 
 thor is a far better judge of the pains that his efforts 
 have cost him, than any reader can possibly be ; but 
 to what purpose he has taken those pains, this is a 
 question on which his readers will not allow the au- 
 thor a voice, nor even an opinion : from the tribunal 
 of the public there is no appeal, and it is fit that it 
 should be so, otherwise we should not only have riv- 
 ers of ink expended in bad writing, but oceans more 
 in defending it; for he that writes in a bad style is 
 sure to retort in a worse. 
 
 I have availed myself of examples both ancient and 
 
 * Labour is itself a pleasure. — Pub. 
 
PREFACE. vii 
 
 modern, wnerever they appeared likely to illustrate, or 
 strengthen my positions ; but I am not so sanguine as 
 to expect that all will draw the same conclusions from 
 the same premises. I have not forgotten the obser- 
 vation, of him who said, that c in the sam,e meadow, 
 the ox seeks the herbage ; the dog, the hare; and the 
 stork, the lizard.'' Times also of profound peace and 
 tranquillity are most propitious to every literary pur- 
 sUi : :. c Satur est, cum elicit Horatius eugeS* We 
 know that Malherbe, on hearing a prose work of great 
 merit extolled, dryly asked if it would reduce the price 
 of bread ! neither was his appreciation of poetry 
 much higher, when he observed, that a good poet was 
 of no more service to the church or the state, than a 
 good player at ninepins ! ! 
 
 The anecdotes that are interspersed in these pages, 
 have seldom been cited for their own sake, but chiefly 
 for their application, nor can I see why the Moralist 
 should be denied those examples so useful to the His- 
 torian. The lover of variety will be fastidious, if he 
 finds nothing here to his taste: but like him who 
 wrote a book 'c/e omnibus rebus, et quibusdam 
 aliis,^ I may perhaps be accused of looking into 
 every thing, but of seeing into nothing. 
 
 There are two things, cheap and common enough 
 when separated, but as costly in value, as irresistible 
 in power, when combined — truth and novelty. Their 
 union is like that of steam and of fire, which nothing 
 can overcome. Truth and novelty, when united, must 
 overcome the whole superincumbent pressure of error 
 and of prejudice, whatever be its weight: and the effects 
 will be proportionate to the resistance. But the moral 
 earthquake, unlike the natural, while it convulses the 
 nations, reforms them too. On subjects indeed, on 
 which mankind have been thinking for so many thou- 
 sands of years, it will often happen, mat whatever is 
 absolutely new, may have the misfortune to be abso- 
 
 * When Horace shouts, bravo ! be sure he has dined.— "Pun, 
 t About all things, and some more. — Pub. 
 
viii PREFACE. 
 
 lately false. It is a melancholy consideration for au 
 thors, that there is very little 'Terra Incognita* in 
 literature, and there now remain to us moderns, only 
 two roads to success ; discovery and conquest. If in- 
 deed we can advance any propositions that are both 
 true and new, these are indisputably our own, by right 
 of discovery ; and if we can repeat what is old, more 
 briefly and brightly than others, this also becomes our 
 own by right of conquest. The pointed propriety of 
 Pope, was to all his readers originality, and even the 
 lawful possessors could not always recognise their 
 own property in his hands. Few have borrowed more 
 freely than Gray and Milton, but with a princely pro- 
 digality, they have repaid the obscure thoughts of 
 others, with far brighter of their own ; like the ocean 
 wnich drinks up the muddy water of the rivers, from 
 Uip flood, but replenishes them with the clearest from 
 toe shower. These reflections, however they may 
 tend to show the difficulties all must encounter who 
 aim at originality, will, nevertheless in nowise tend 
 to diminish the number of those who will attempt to 
 surmount them, since 'fools rush in, where angels 
 fear to tread.* In good truth, we should have a glo- 
 rious conflagration, if all who cannot put fire into 
 their works, would only consent to put their works in- 
 to the fire. But this is an age of economy, as well as 
 ot illumination, and a considerate author will not 
 rasnly condemn his volumes to that devouring ele- 
 ment, 'flammis emxndatioribusj* who reflects that 
 the pastry-cook and the confectioner are sure to put 
 good things into his pages, if he fail to do it himself. 
 With respect to the style I have adopted in the fol- 
 lowing sheets, I have attempted to make it vary with 
 the subject ; avoiding all pomp of words, where there 
 was no corresponding elevation of ideas ; for such tur- 
 bidity, although it may be as aspiring as that of a bal- 
 loon, is also as useless. I have neither spare time for 
 superfluous writing, nor spare money for superfluous 
 
 * The cmicndhhg flames. — Pub. 
 
PREFACE ix 
 
 printing, and shall be satisfied, if I have not missed 
 of brightness, in pursuit of brevity. It has cost me 
 more time and pains to abridge these pages than to 
 write them. Perhaps that is nearly the perfection of 
 good writing, which is original, but whose truth alone 
 prevents the reader from suspecting that it is so : and 
 which effects that for knowledge which the lens effects 
 for the sunbeam, when it condenses its brightness, in 
 order to increase its force. How far the following efforts 
 will stand the test of this criterion, it is not for me to 
 determine ; to know is one thing, to do is another ; 
 and it may be observed of good writing, as of good 
 blood, that it is much easier to say what it is com- 
 posed of, than to compose it. 
 
 Most of the maxims and positions advanced in the 
 present volume, are founded on two simple truisms, 
 that men are the same ; and that the passions are the 
 powerful and disturbing forces, the greater or the less 
 prevalence of which, gives individuality to character. 
 But we must not only express clearly, but think deep- 
 ly, nor can we concede to Buffon that style alone is 
 that quality that will immortalize an author. The es- 
 says of Montaigne, and the analogy of Butler, would 
 live forever, in spite of their style. Style is indeed 
 the valet of genius, and an able one too ; but as the 
 true gentleman will appear, even in rags, so true gen- 
 ius will shine even through the coarsest style. 
 
 But above all I do most earnestly hope, that none 
 will accuse me of usurping on this occasion, the chair 
 of the Moralist, or presuming to deliver any thing here 
 advanced, as oracular, magisterial, dictatorial, or ex 
 cathedra? I have no opinions that I would not most 
 willingly exchange for truth ; I may be sometimes 
 wrong, I may be sometimes right ; at all events discus- 
 sion may be provoked, and as this cannot be done with- 
 out thought, even that is a good. I despise dogma- 
 tism in others, too much to indulge it myself: I have 
 not been led to these opinions by the authority of great 
 names : for I have always considered rather what is 
 said than who says it; and the consequence of the 
 
x PREFACE. 
 
 argument, rather than the consequence of him wh« 
 delivers it. It is sufficiently humiliating to our na- 
 ture, to reflect that our knowledge is but as the rivu- 
 let, our ignorance as the sea. On points of the high- 
 est interest, the moment we quit the light of revelation, 
 we shall find that Platonism itself is intimately con- 
 nected with Pyrrhonism, and the deepest inquiry with 
 the darkest doubt. 
 
 In an age remarkable for good reasoning and bad 
 conduct, for sound rules and corrupt manners, when 
 virtue fills our heads, but vice our hearts ; when those 
 who would fain persuade us that they are quite sure 
 of heaven, appear to be in no greater hurry to go there 
 than other folks, but put on the livery of the best mas- 
 ter only to serve the worst ; — in an age when modesty 
 herself is more ashamed of detection than of delin- 
 quency ; when independence of principle consists in 
 having no principle on which to depend ; and free- 
 thinking not in thinking freely, but in being free from 
 thinking ; — in an age when patriots will hold any 
 thing except their tongues; keep any thing except 
 their word ; and lose nothing patiently except their 
 character ; — to improve such an age must be difficult, 
 to instruct it dangerous ; and he stands no chance of 
 amending it, who cannot at the same time amuse it. 
 
 That author, however, who has thought more than 
 he has read, read more than he has written, and writ- 
 ten more than he has published, if he does not com- 
 mand success, has at least deserved it. In the article 
 of rejection and abridgment, we must be severe for 
 ourselves, if we wish for mercy from others ; since for 
 one great genius who has written a little book, we have 
 a thousand little geniuses, who have written great 
 books. A volume, therefore, that contains more words 
 than ideas, like a tree that has more foliage than fruit, 
 may suit those to resort to, who want not to feast, but 
 to dream and to slumber ; but the misfortune is, that 
 in this particular instance, nothing can equal the in 
 gratitude of the public, who were never yet known to 
 have the slightest compassion for those authors who 
 
PREFACE. xj 
 
 have deprived themselves of sleep, in order to procure 
 it for their readers. 
 
 With books, as with companions, it is of more con- 
 sequence to know which to avoid, than which ta 
 choose ; for good books are as scarce as good compan- 
 ions, and in both instances, all that we can learn from 
 bad ones is, that so much time has been worse than 
 thrown away. That writer does the most, who gives 
 his reader the most knowledge, and takes from him the 
 least time. That short period of a short existence, 
 which is rationally employed, is that which alone de- 
 serves the name of life ; and that portion of our life 
 is most rationally employed, which is occupied in en- 
 larging our stock of truth, and of wisdom. I do not 
 pretend to have attained this, I have only attempted it. 
 One thing I may affirm, that I have first considered 
 whether it be worth while to say any thing at all, be- 
 fore I have taken any trouble to say it well ; knowing 
 that words are but air, and that both are capable of much 
 condensation. Words indeed are but the signs and 
 counters of knowledge, and their currency should be 
 strictly regulated by the capital which they represent. 
 
 I have said that the maxims in the following pages 
 are written upon this principle — that men are the 
 same ; upon this alone it is that the sacred maxim 
 which forms the golden hinge of our religion, rests 
 and revolves, i Do unto thy neighbour as thou wouldst 
 that he should do unto thee? The proverbs of Solo- 
 mon suit all places and all times, because Solomon 
 knew mankind, and mankind are ever the same. No 
 revolution has taken place in the bcdy, or m the mind. 
 Four thousand years ago, men shivered with frost, 
 and panted with heat, were cold, in their gratitude, 
 and ardent in their revenge. Should my readers 
 think some of my conclusions too severe, they will 
 in justice recollect, that my object is truth, that my 
 subject is man, and that a handsome picture cannot 
 represent deformity. 
 
 The. political principles contained in the following 
 pages, are such, that whoever avows them will be con- 
 
xii PREFACE. 
 
 sidered a Tory by the Whigs, and a Whig by the 
 Tories ; for truth, no less than virtue, not unfre- 
 quently forms the middle point between two extremes. 
 Where one party demands too much, and the other 
 is inclined to concede too little, an arbitrator will 
 please neither, by recommending such measures as 
 would eventually serve both. I have, however, nei- 
 ther the hope nor the fear, that my opinions on poli- 
 tics, or any other subject, will attract much attention. 
 The approbation of a few discerning friends, is all 
 the reward I wish for my labours ; and the four lines 
 which form the commencement of my Poem of ' Hy- 
 pocrisy,' shall make the conclusion of this Preface, 
 since the sentiments they contain, are as applicable 
 to j rose as to verse. 
 
 Two things there are, confound the Poet's lays, 
 The scholar's censure — and the blockhead's praise; 
 That glowing page with double lustre shines, 
 When Pope approves, and Dennis damns tho lines.' 
 
 London January 1st, 1820. 
 
INTRODUCTION 
 
 TO 
 
 THE SECOND VOLUME.* 
 
 I know not that I should have attempted a second 
 volume of Lacon, if the first had not met with some 
 encouragement. Its reception has proved that my book 
 has been purchased at least by the many ; and I have 
 testimonies far more gratifying, that it has not been 
 disapproved of by the few. He that aspires to pro- 
 duce a work that shall instruct and amuse the un- 
 learned, without displeasing or disgusting the scholar, 
 proposes to himself an object more attainable perhaps 
 on any other theme, than on that which I have adopt- 
 ed ; for on this subject all men are critics, although 
 very few are connoisseurs ; the man of the world is 
 indignant at being supposed to stand in need of in 
 formation, and the philosopher feels that he is above 
 it ; the old will not quit the school of their own ex- 
 perience, and hope is the only moralist that has any 
 weight with the young. There are many things on 
 which even a coxcomb will receive instruction with 
 gratitude, as for instance, a knowledge of the Ian 
 guages, or of the mathematics, because his pride is 
 not wounded by an admission of his ignorance as to 
 those sciences to which he has never been introduced. 
 But if you propose to teach him any thing new con- 
 cerning himself^ the world, and those who live in it, 
 the case is widely altered. He finds that he has 
 been conversant all his life with these things, sus- 
 pects that here he knows at least as much as his 
 master, becomes quite impatient of information, and 
 often finishes by attempting to instruct his instructer. 
 
 * The second volume is added, making the entire work, and 
 the only complete edition ever published in this country. 
 
xiv INTRODUCTION. 
 
 It is true that lie has made very laudable use of his 
 eyes, since his opera-glass has given him an insight 
 into others, and his looking-glass has helped him to 
 some knowledge of y himself. His ears indeed have 
 had a very easy time of it, but their inactivity has 
 been dearly purchased, at the expense of his tongue , 
 he feels however, from his experience, that he has 
 had opportunities at least of observing, and he fancies 
 from his vanity, that he has improved them. Can 
 one (says he) be ignorant of those things that are so 
 constantly and so closely around us, and about us. 
 he that runs, he thinks, may lead that lucid volume 
 whose pages are days, whose characters are men. 
 But too close a contiguity is as inimical to distinct 
 vision, as too great a distance ; and hence it happens 
 that a man often knows the least of that which is 
 most near to him — even his own heart ; but if we are 
 ignorant of ourselves, a knowledge of others is buili 
 upon the sand. On this subject, however, nothing 
 is more easy than to talk plausibly, and few things 
 more difficult than to write profoundly ; thoroughly to 
 succeed, requires far more experience than I possess, 
 or ever shall. I am, however, fully satisfied of the 
 utility of a work similar to that in which I am en- 
 gaged, and hope what little encouragement I have 
 met with may stimulate those to attempt something 
 better, who are deeply conversant, not only with the 
 living, but with the dead — not only with books, but 
 with men — not only with the hearts of others, but with 
 their own. The moral world will by no means repay 
 our researches with such rich discoveries as the na- 
 tural ; yet where we cannot invent, we may at least 
 improve ; we may give somewhat of novelty to that 
 which was old, condensation to that which was diffuse, 
 perspicuity to that which was obscure, and currency 
 to that which was recondite. A Hume may soar in- 
 deed somewhat higher than a Davy, but he will meet 
 with more disappointments ; with wings that could 
 reach the clouds, but not with strength of pinion that 
 could pierce the'm. Hume was at times as incompre- 
 
INTRODUCTION, xv 
 
 hensible to himself, as invisible to others 5 lost in re- 
 gions where he could not penetrate, nor we pursue ; 
 for it is as rare for experiment to give us nothing but 
 conjecture, as for speculation to give us nothing but 
 truth. In this walk of science, however, if we know 
 but little, upon that little we are becoming gradually- 
 more agreed ; perhaps we have discovered that the 
 prize is not worth the contention. Hence there is a 
 kind of alphabet of first principles, now established in 
 the moral world, which is not very likely to be over- 
 turned by any new discoveries. But principles, how- 
 ever correct, may sometimes be wrongly, and how- 
 ever true, may sometimes be falsely applied; and 
 none are so likely to be so, as those that from having 
 been found capable of effecting so much, are expected 
 to form all. An Indian has very few tools, and it is 
 astonishing how much he accomplishes with them ; 
 but he sometimes fails ; for although his instruments 
 are of general, they are not of universal application. 
 There are two principles, however, of established 
 acceptance in morals 5 first, that self-interest is the 
 mainspring of all our actions, and secondly, that 
 utility is the test of their value. Now there are some 
 cases where these maxims are not tenable, because 
 they are not true ; for some of the noblest energies 
 of gratitude, of affection, of courage, and of benevo- 
 lence, are not resolvable into the first. If it be said, 
 indeed, that these estimable qualities may after all be 
 traced to self-interest, because all the duties that flow 
 from them are a source of the highest gratification to 
 those that perform them, this I presume savours rath- 
 er too much of an identical proposition, and is only 
 a roundabout mode of informing us that virtuous 
 men will act virtuously. Take care of number one, 
 says the worldling, and the Christian says so too; for 
 he has taken the best care of number one, who takes 
 ^are that number one shall go to heaven ; that bless- 
 ed place is full of those same selfish beings who, by 
 having constantly done good to others, have as con- 
 stantly gratified ' themselves. I humbly conceive, 
 
xvi INTRODUCTION. 
 
 therefore, that it is much nearer the truth, to say that 
 all men have an interest in being good, than that all 
 men are good from interest. As to the standard of 
 utility, this is a mode of examining human actions, 
 that looks too much to the event, for there are occa- 
 sions where a man may effect the greatest general 
 good, by the smallest individual sacrifice ; and there 
 are others where he may make the greatest individual 
 sacrifice, and yet produce but little general good. If 
 indeed the moral philosopher is determined to do all 
 his work with the smallest possible quantity of tools, 
 and would wish to cope with the natural philosopher, 
 who has explained such wonders, from the two sim 
 pie causes of impulse and of gravity, in this case he 
 must look out for maxims as universal as those occa. 
 sions to which he would apply them. Perhaps h3 
 might begin by affirming with me that — men are the 
 same, and this will naturally lead him to another 
 conclusion, that if men are the same, they can have 
 but one common principle of action. The attain- 
 ment of apparent good ; those two simple truisms 
 contain the whole of my philosophy, and as they have 
 net been worn out in the performance of one under- 
 taking, I trust they will not fail me in the execution 
 of another. 
 
LACON; 
 
 OB 
 
 MAN!' 1 H INGS IN FEW WORDS, 
 
 It is almost as difficult to make a man unlearn 
 his errors, as his knowledge. Mal-information is 
 more hopeless than non-information ; for error is 
 always more busy than ignorance. Ignorance is 
 a blank sheet, on which we may write ; but error 
 is a scribbled one, from which we must first erase. 
 Ignorance is contented to stand still with her back 
 to the truth ; but error is more presumptuous, and 
 proceeds in the same direction. Ignorance has no 
 light, but error follows a false one. The conse- 
 quence is, that error, when she retraces her foot- 
 steps, has farther to go, before she can arrive at 
 the truth, than ignorance. 
 
 
 With respect to the authority of great names it 
 should be remembered, that he alone deserves to 
 have any w r eight or influence with posterity, who 
 has shown himself superior to the particular and 
 predominant error of his own times ; — who, like 
 the peak of TenerifTe, has hailed the intellectual 
 sun, before its beams have reached the horizon of 
 common minds ; who, standing like Socrates, on 
 the apex of wisdom, has removed from his eyes 
 all film of earthly dross, and has foreseen a purer 
 law, a nobler system, a brighter order of things ; 
 2* 
 
18 LACON. 
 
 in short a promised land ! which, like Moses *a 
 the top of Pisgah, he is permitted to survey and 
 anticipate for others, without being himself allowed 
 either to enter, or to enjoy. 
 
 To cite the examples of history, in order to ani- 
 mate us to virtue, or to arm us with fortitude, is to 
 call up the illustrious dead, to inspire and to im- 
 prove the living. But the usage of those civilians, 
 who cite vicious authorities, for worse purposes, 
 and enforce the most absurd practice, by the oldest 
 precedent, is to bequeath to us as an heirloom, the 
 errors of our forefathers ; to confer a kind of im- 
 mortality on folly, making the dead more powerful 
 than time, and more sagacious than experience, by 
 subjecting those that are upon the earth, to the 
 perpetual mal-government of those that are be- 
 neath it. 
 
 A writer more splendid than solid, seems to 
 Jiink that vice may lose half its guilt, by losing all 
 its grossness. An idea suggested, perhaps, by the 
 parting anathema, fulminated by Gibbon, against 
 the fellows of Magdalen : * Men,' he said, ' in 
 whom were united ail the malevolence of monks, 
 without their erudition ; and all the sensuality of 
 libertines, without their refinement.' But it would 
 be as well perhaps for the interests of humanity, 
 if vice of every kind were more odious, and less 
 attractive ; if she were always exhibited to us, 
 like the drunken Helot to the youths of Sparta, in 
 her true and disgusting shape. It is fitting, that 
 what is foul within, should be foul also without. 
 To give the semblance of purity to the substance of 
 corruption, is to proffer the poison of Circe in a 
 
LACON. 19 
 
 crystal goblet, and to steal the bridal vestments of 
 the virgin, to add more allurements to the seduc- 
 tive smiles of the harlot. 
 
 If those alone who ' sowed to the wind, did reap 
 the whirlwind,' it would be well. But the mischief 
 is, that the blindness of bigotry, the madness of 
 ambition, and the miscalculation of diplomacy seek 
 their victims principally amongst the innocent and 
 unoffending. The cottage is sure to suffer for 
 every error of the court, the cabinet, or the camp 
 When error sits in the seat of power and authority, 
 and is generated in high places, it may be com- 
 pared to that torrent, which originates indeed in the 
 mountain, but commits its devastation in the vale. 
 
 Great minds had rather deserve contemporaneous 
 applause, without obtaining it, than obtain,, without 
 deserving it ; if it follow them, it is well, but they 
 will not deviate to follow it. With inferior minds 
 the reverse is observable ; so that they can com- 
 mand the flattery of knaves while living, they care 
 not for the execrations of honest men, when dead. 
 Milton neither aspired to present fame, nor even 
 expected it ; but (to use his own words,) his high 
 ambition was, 'to leave something to after ages, 
 so written, that they should not willingly let it die.' 
 And Cato finally observed, he would much rather 
 that posterity should inquire, why no statues were 
 erected to him, than why they were. 
 
 As in agriculture, he that can produce the great- 
 est crop is not the best farmer, but he that can 
 effect it with the least expense ; so in society, he 
 is not the best member, who can bring about the 
 
20 LACON. 
 
 most good, but he that can accomplish it with the 
 least admixture of concomitant ill. — For let no 
 man presume to think that he can devise any plan 
 of extensive good, unalloyed and unadulterated 
 with evil. This is the prerogative of the Godhead 
 alone. 
 
 The inequalities of life are real things, they can 
 neither be explained away, nor done away ; * Ex- 
 pellas furca, tamen usque recurrent. ,'* A leveller, 
 therefore, has long been set down as a ridiculous 
 and chimerical being, who, if he could finish his 
 work to-day, would have to begin it again to-mor- 
 row. The things that constitute these real ine- 
 qualities are four, strength, talent, riches, and .rank. 
 The two former, would constitute inequalities in 
 the rudest state of nature ; the two latter, more 
 properly belong to a state of society more or less 
 civilized and refined. — Perhaps the whole four are 
 all ultimately resolvable in power. But in the just 
 appreciation of this power men are too apt to be 
 deceived. Nothing, for instance, is more common 
 than to see rank or riches preferred to talent, and 
 yet nothing is more absurd. That talent is of a 
 much higher order of power than riches, might be 
 proved in various ways ; being so much more in- 
 deprivable and indestructible, so much more above 
 all accident of change, and all confusion of chance. 
 But the peculiar superiority of talent over riches, 
 may be best discovered from hence — That the 
 influence of talent will always be the greatest in 
 that government which is the most pure ; while 
 the influence of riches will always be the greatest in 
 
 * You may dig them out, but they will come again. — Pitb, 
 
LACON. 21 
 
 that government which is most corrupt. So that 
 from the preponderance of talent, we may always 
 infer the soundness and vigour of the common- 
 wealth ; but from the preponderance of riches, it. 
 dotage and degeneration. That talent confers an 
 inequality of a higher order than rank, would 
 appear from various views of the subject, and 
 most particularly from this — many a man may 
 justly thank his talent for his rank, but no man has 
 ever yet been able to return the compliment, by 
 thanking his rank for his talent. When Leonardo 
 da Yinci died, his sovereign exclaimed, ' I can 
 make a thousand lords, but not one Leonardo.' 
 Cicero observed to a degenerate patrician, * / am 
 the first of my family, but you are the last of yours? 
 And since his time, those who value themselves 
 merely on their ancestry, have been compared to 
 potatoes, all that is good of them is under the ground ; 
 perhaps it is but fair that nobility should have de- 
 scended to them, since they never could have raised 
 themselves to it. 
 
 An upright minister asks, what recommends a 
 man ; a corrupt minister, who. 
 
 The first consideration with a knave, is how to 
 help himself, and the second, how to do it, with an 
 appearance of helping you. Dionysius* the tyrant, 
 
 * There were two tyrants of this name, the last of whom 
 ruled with such tyranny, that his people grew weary of his 
 government. He, hearing that an old woman prayed for 
 his life, asked her why she did so } She answered, ' I have 
 seen the death of several tyrants, and the successor was 
 always worse than the former, then earnest thoa, worse 
 than ail the rest ; and if thou wert gone, I fear what would 
 become of us, if we should have a worse still.' 
 
22 LAC ON. 
 
 stripped the statue of Jupiter Olympus of a robe of 
 massy gold, and substituted a cloak of wool, say- 
 ing, gold is too cold in winter, and too heavy in 
 summer — It behooves us to take care of Jupiter, 
 
 If hypocrites go to hell, by the road to heaven, 
 we may carry on the metaphor, and add, that as 
 all the virtues demand their respective tolls, the 
 hypocrite has a by-way to avoid them, and to get 
 into the main road again. And all would be well, 
 if he could escape the last turnpike in the journey 
 of life, where all must pay, where there is no by- 
 path, and where the toll is death. 
 
 In great matters of public moment, where both 
 parties are at a stand, and both are punctilious, 
 slight condescensions cost little, but are worth 
 much. He that yields them is wise, inasmuch as 
 he purchases guineas with farthings. A few drops 
 of oil will set the political machine at work, when 
 a tun of vinegar would only corrode the wheels, 
 and canker the movements. 
 
 Were we as eloquent as angels, we should please 
 some men, some women, and some children, much 
 more by listening, than by talking. 
 
 When Mahomet forbids his followers the use of 
 wine, when the grand Sultan discourages learning, 
 and when the Pope denies the Scriptures to the 
 laity, what are we to infer from hence ? not the 
 danger of the things forbidden, but the fears of 
 those that forbid. Mahomet knew that his was a 
 faith strictly military, and to be propagated by the 
 
LACON. 23 
 
 sword ; he also knew that nothing is so destruc- 
 tive of discipline as wine ; Mahomet therefore in- 
 terdicted wine. The grand Sultan knows that 
 despotism is founded on the blindness and weak- 
 ness of the governed ; but that learning is light 
 and power ; and that the powerful and enlightened 
 make very troublesome slaves ; therefore the Sul- 
 tan discourages learning. Leo the Xth knew that 
 the pontifical hierarchy did support, and was recip- 
 rocally supported by a superstition that was false : 
 but he also knew that the Scriptures are true, and 
 that truth and falsehood assimilate not ; therefore. 
 Leo withheld the Scriptures from the laity. 
 
 A wise minister would rather preserve peace, 
 tnan gain a victory ; because he knows, that even 
 the most successful war, leaves nations generally 
 more poor, always more profligate, than it found 
 them. There are real evils that cannot be brought 
 into a list of indemnities, and the demoralizing in- 
 fluence of war is not amongst the least of them. 
 The triumphs of truth are the most glorious, chiefly 
 because they are the most bloodless of all victories, 
 deriving their highest lustre from the number of 
 the saved, not of the slain. 
 
 The great examples of Bacon, of Milton, of 
 Newton, of Locke, and of others, happen to be 
 directly against the popular inference, that a certain 
 wildness of eccentricity and thoughtlessness of 
 conduct are the necessary accompaniments of ta- 
 lent, and the sure indications of genius. Because 
 some have united these extravagances, with great 
 demonstrations of talent, as a Rousseau, a Chat- 
 terton, a Savage, a Burns, or a Byron ; others, 
 
24 LAC ON. 
 
 finding it less difficult to be eccentric, than to be 
 brilliant, have therefore adopted the one, in hopes 
 that the world would give them credit for the other 
 But the greatest genius is never so great, as when 
 it is chastised and subdued by the highest reason ; 
 it is from such a combination, like that of Buce- 
 phalus, reined in by Alexander, that the most 
 powerful efforts have been produced. And be it 
 remembered, that minds of the very highest order, 
 who have given an unrestrained course to their 
 caprice or to their passions, would have been so 
 much higher, by subduing them ; and so far from 
 presuming that the world would give them credit 
 for talent, on the score of their aberrations and their 
 extravagances, all that they dared hope or expect has 
 been, that the world would pardon and overlook those 
 extravagances, on account of the various and mani- 
 fold proofs they were constantly exhibiting of supe- 
 rior acquirement and inspiration. We might also 
 add, that the good effects of talent are universal, the 
 evil of its blemishes confinod. The light and heat 
 of the sun benefit all, and are by all, enjoyed ; the 
 spots on its surface are discoverable only to the 
 few. But the lower order of aspirers to fame and 
 talent, have pursued a very different course ; in- 
 stead of exhibiting talent in the hope that the world 
 would forgive their eccentricities, they have exhi- 
 bited only their eccentricities, in the hope that the 
 world would give them credit for talent. 
 
 The enthusiast has been compared to a man 
 walking in a fog ; every thing immediately around 
 him, or in contact with him, appears sufficiently 
 clear and luminous ; but beyond the little circle, of 
 which he himself is the centre, all is mist, erroi, 
 
LACON. 25 
 
 and confusion. But he himself is nevertheless as 
 much in the fog as his neighbours, all of whom have 
 also cantoned out their little Goshens of perspica- 
 city. Total freedom from error is what none of us 
 will allow to our neighbours, howevei we may be in- 
 clined to flirt a little with such spotless perfection 
 ourselves. Sir Richard Steele has observed, tha 
 there is this difference between the church of Romo 
 and the church of England : the one professes to 
 be infallible — the other to be never in the wrong. 
 Such high pretensions are extremely awkward 
 wherever the points of difference happen to be more 
 numerous than those of agreement. A safer mode 
 of proceeding would be to propose with diffidence, 
 to conjecture with freedom, to examine with can- 
 dour, and to dissent with civility ; ' in rebus neces- 
 sariis sit unitas ; in non necessariis liber alitas , in 
 omnibus, charitas?* This ought to teach all the en- 
 thusiasts moderation, many of whom begin to make 
 converts from motives of charity, but continue to do 
 so from motives of pride : like some rivers which 
 are sweet at their source, but bitter at their mouth. 
 The fact is, that charity is contented with exhorta- 
 tion and example, but pride is not to be so easily 
 satisfied. An enthusiast, therefore, ought above all 
 things to guard against this error, arising from a 
 morbid association of ideas, directed to view and 
 examine all things through one medium alone. 
 The best intentioned may be exposed to this infirm- 
 rty, and there is one infallible symptom of the dis- 
 order, which is this : whenever we find ourselves 
 more inclined to persecute than to persuade, we may 
 then be certain that our zeal has more of pride in 
 
 *Let there be harmony in things essential ; liberality in 
 iMngs not essential ; charity in all. —Pub. 
 3 
 
26 L A C O N . 
 
 it than of charity, that we are seeking victory rather 
 than truth, and are beginning to feel more for our- 
 selves, than for our master. To lose our charity, 
 in defence of our religion, is to sacrifice the citadel, 
 to maintain the outworks ; a very imprudent mode 
 of defence. There is an old poet who has said, 
 * Nullum Numen abest si sit Prudentia, tecum ;'* but 
 your thorough-paced enthusiast would make a tri- 
 fling alteration in the letter, but a most important one 
 in the spirit of the line, which he would read thus — 
 1 Nullum Numen habes si sit Prudentia, tecum?\ 
 
 In all societies, it is advisable to associate if 
 possible with the highest ; not that the highest are 
 always the best, but, because if disgusted there, we 
 can at any time descend ; but if we begin with the 
 lowest, to ascend is impossible. In the grand the- 
 atre of human life, a box ticket takes us through tho 
 house. 
 
 He that has never suffered extreme adversity, 
 knows not the full extent of his own depravation ; 
 and he that has never enjoyed the summit of pros- 
 perity is equally ignorant how far the iniquity of 
 others can go. For our adversity will excite temp- 
 tations in ourselves, our prosperity in others. Sir 
 Robert Walpole observed, it was fortunate that few 
 men could be prime ministers, because it was for- 
 tunate that few men could know the abandoned 
 profligacy of the human mind. Therefore a beau- 
 tiful woman, if poor, should use a double circum- 
 spection ; for her beauty will tempt others, her po- 
 verty herself. 
 
 *No Deity is absent, if prudence is with thee. -Pub. 
 
 t Thou art deserted of Heaven, if prudence is with thee -Pub. 
 
L A C O N . 27 
 
 Power, like the diamond, dazzles the beholder, 
 arid also the wearer ; it dignifies meanness : it mag- 
 nifies littleness ; to what is contemptible, it gives 
 authority ; to what is low, exhaltation. To acquire 
 it, appears not more difficult than to be dispossess- 
 ed of it when acquired, since it enables the hold- 
 er to shift his own errors on dependants, and to take 
 their merits to himself. But the miracle of losing 
 it vanishes, when we reflect that we are as liable to 
 fall as to rise, by the treachery of others ; and that 
 to say ' I am' is language that has been appropri- 
 ated exclusively to God ! 
 
 Virtue without talent, is a coat of mail, without a 
 sword ; it may indeed defend the wearer, but will 
 not enable him to protect his friend. 
 
 He that aspires to be the head of a party, will 
 find it more difficult to please his friends than to 
 perplex his foes. He must often act from false 
 reasons which are weak, because he dares not 
 avow the true reasons which are strong. It will 
 be his lot to be forced on some occasions to give 
 his consideration to the wealthy, or the titled, al- 
 though they may be in the wrong and withhold it 
 from the energetic, but necessitous, although they 
 may be in the right. There are moments when he 
 must appear to sympathize, not only with the fears 
 of the brave, but also with the follies of the wise. 
 He must see some appearances that do not exist, 
 and be blind to some that do. To be above others, 
 he must condescend at times, to be beneath him 
 self, as the loftiest trees ha^e the lowest roots, 
 but without the keenest circumspection, his very 
 rtse, will be his ruin. For a masked battery is 
 
28 LACON. 
 
 more destructive than one that is visible, and he 
 will have more to dread from the secret envy of his 
 adherents, than the open hate of his adversaries 
 This envy will be ever near him, but he must not 
 appear to suspect it ; it will narrowly watch him, 
 but he must not appear to perceive it : even when 
 he is anticipating all its effects, he must give no 
 note of preparation ; and, in defending himself 
 against it, he must conceal both his sword and his 
 shield. Let him pursue success as his truest 
 friend, and apply to confidence as his ablest coun- 
 sellor. Subtract from a great man, all that he 
 owes to opportunity, and all that he owes to 
 chance ; all that he has gained by the wisdom of his 
 friends, and by the folly of his enemies : and our 
 Brobdignag will often become a Lilliputian. I think 
 it is Voltaire who observes, that it was very fortunate 
 for Cromwell, that he appeared upon the stage at 
 the precise moment when the people were tired of 
 kings ; and as unfortunate for his son Richard, that 
 he had to make good his pretensions, at a moment 
 when the people were equally tired of protectors. 
 
 All poets pretend to write for immortality, but 
 the whole tribe have no objection to present pay, 
 and present praise. Lord Burleigh is not the only 
 statesman, who has thought one hundred pounds 
 too much for a song, though sung by Spencer ; al- 
 though Oliver Goldsmith, is the only poet who ever 
 considered himself to have been overpaid. The 
 reward in this arena is not to the swift, nor the prize 
 to the strong. Editors have gained more pounds, 
 by publishing Milton's works, than he ever gained 
 pence by writing them ; and Garrick has reaped a 
 richer harvest in a single night, by acting in one play 
 
LAC ON. 29 
 
 ot Shakspeare's, than that poet himself obtained 
 by the genius which inspired the whole of them. 
 
 Avarice begets more vices than Priam did chil- 
 dren, and like Priam survives them all. It starves 
 its keeper to surfeit those who wish him dead ; and 
 makes him submit to more mortifications to lose 
 heaven, than the martyr undergoes to gain it. 
 Avarice is a passion full of paradox, a madness full 
 of method ; for, although the miser is the most 
 mercenary of all beings, yet he serves the worst 
 master more faithfully than some Christians do the 
 best, and will take nothing for it. He falls down 
 and worships the god of this world, but will have 
 neither its pomps, its vanities, nor its pleasures, for 
 his trouble. He begins to accumulate treasure as 
 a mean to happiness, and by a common but morbid 
 association, he continues to accumulate it as an end. 
 He lives poor, to die rich ; and is the mere jailer 
 of his house, and the turnkey of his wealth. Em- 
 poverished by his gold, he slaves harder to impri- 
 son it in his chest, than his brother slave to libe- 
 rate it from the mine. The avarice of the miser 
 may be termed the grand sepulchre of all his other 
 passions, as they successively decay. But unlike 
 other tombs it is enlarged by repletion and strength- 
 ened by age. The latter paradox, so peculiar to 
 this passion, must be ascribed to that love of power 
 inseparable from the human mind. There are 
 three kinds of power — wealth, strength, and talent ; 
 but as old age always weakens, often destroys the 
 two latter, the aged are induced to cling with the 
 greater avidity to the former. And the attach- 
 ment of the aged to wealth, must be a growing and 
 Progressive attachment, since, such are not slow in 
 3* 
 
30 L A C O N . 
 
 discovering, that those same ruthless years, which 
 detract so sensibly from the strength of their 
 bodies, and of their minds, serve only to augment 
 and to consolidate the strength of their purse. 
 
 Men will wrangle for religion ; write for it ; fight 
 for it ; die for it ; any thing but — live for it. 
 
 Honour is unstable, and seldom the same ; for she 
 feeds upon opinion, and is as fickle as her food. 
 She builds a lofty structure on the sandy founda- 
 tion of the esteem of those, who are of all beings 
 the most subject to change. But virtue is uniform 
 and fixed, because she looks for approbation only 
 from Him, who is the same yesterday — to-day — 
 and for ever. Honour is the most capricious in 
 her rewards. She feeds us with air, and often 
 pulls down our house, to build our monument. She 
 is contracted in her views, inasmuch as her hopes 
 are rooted in earth, bounded by time, and termi- 
 nated by death. But virtue is enlarged and infinite 
 in her hopes, inasmuch as they extend beyond pre- 
 sent things, even to eternal ; this is their proper 
 sphere, and they will cease only in the reality of 
 deathless enjoyment. In the storms, and in the 
 tempests of life, honour is not to be depended on, 
 because sne herself partakes of the tumult ; she 
 also is buffeted by the wave, and borne along by 
 the whirlwind. But virtue is above the storm, and 
 has an anchor sure and steadfast, because it is cast 
 into heaven. The noble Brutus worshipped hon- 
 our, and in his zeal mistook her for virtue. In 
 the day of trial he found her a shadow and a 
 name. But no man can purchase his virtue too 
 dear ; for it is the only thing whose value must 
 

 LACON, 31 
 
 ever increase with the price it has cost us> Our 
 integrity is never worth so much as when we have 
 parted with our all to keep it. The Pagans (says 
 Bayle) from the obscurity wherein they lived, as 
 to another life, reasoned very inconsequentially on 
 the reality of virtue. It belongs to Christians alone 
 to argue upon it aright ; and if those good things 
 to come, which the Scripture promises the faithful, 
 were not joined to the desire of virtue, then an in- 
 nocency of life, might be placed in the number of 
 those things on which Solomon pronounced his 
 definitive decree, * Vanity of vanities, all is vanity ! f 
 
 Modern reformers are not fully aware of the dif- 
 ficulty they will find to make converts, when that 
 period which we so fondly anticipate shall arrive * 
 an era of universal illumination. They will then 
 experience a similar rebuff, with those who now 
 attempt to make proselytes among the Jews. 
 These cunning descendants of Laban shrewdly 
 reply : Pray would it not be better for your Chris 
 tians, first of all to decide amongst yourselves what 
 Christianity is, and when that important point i& 
 fully settled, then we think it will be time enough 
 for you to begin your attempts of converting others 1 
 And the reasoning* and enlightened inquirer will 
 also naturally enough demand of the reformist, 
 what is reformation ? This he will find to be 
 almost as various as the advocates for it. The 
 thorough-paced and Unitarian reformer, who thinks 
 one year a sufficient period for a parliament, in 
 order to bring in another unity still more absurd 
 and dangerous, the majesty of the people, one and 
 indivisible, must be at irreconcilable issue with 
 vhe Trinitarian reformer, who advocates triennial 
 
32 LAC ON. 
 
 parliaments, and who has not lost his respect for 
 that old and orthodox association of king, lords, 
 and commons. In politics, as in religion, it so 
 happens, that we have less charity for those who 
 believe the half of our creed, than for those that 
 deny the whole of it ; since if Servetus had been 
 a Mohammedan, he would not have been burnt by 
 Calvin. There are two parties, therefore, that will 
 form a rent in the Babel building of Reform, which, 
 unlike that of the Temple, will not be confined to 
 the vail, but will in all probability reach the foun- 
 dation. 
 
 Times of general calamity and confusion, have 
 ever been productive of the greatest minds. — The 
 purest ore, is produced from the hottest furnace, 
 and the brightest thunderbolt, is elicited from .the 
 darkest storm. 
 
 Hypocrites act by virtue, like Numa by his 
 shield. — They frame many counterfeits of her, with 
 which they make an ostentatious parade, in all 
 public assemblies, and processions ; but the origi- 
 nal of what they counterfeit, and which may indeed 
 be said to have fallen from heaven, they produce so 
 seldom, that it is cankered by the rust of sloth, and 
 useless from non-application. 
 
 The wealthy and the noble, when they expend 
 large sums in decorating their houses with the rare 
 and costly efforts of genius, with busts from the 
 chisel of a Canova, and with cartoons from the 
 pencil of a Raphael, are to be commended, if they 
 do not stand still here, but go on to bestow some 
 pains and cost, that the master himself be not 
 
L A C O N . 33 
 
 inferior to the mansion, and that the owner be not 
 the only thing that is little, amidst every thing else 
 that is great. The house may draw visiters, but it 
 is the possessor alone that can detain them. We 
 cross the Alps, and after a short interval, we are glad 
 to return : — we go to see Italy, not the Italians. 
 
 Public events of moment, when deeply and fully 
 considered, are the fertile womb of political max- 
 ims, which ought to contain the very soul of the 
 moral history ; and then they are imperishable and 
 indestructible, worthy of being resorted to as a tower 
 of strength in the storm, and spreading their efful- 
 gence over the tide of time, as a beacon in the night. 
 
 Secrecy of design, when combined with rapidity 
 of execution, like the column that guided Israel in 
 the deserts, becomes the guardian pillar of light 
 and fire to our friends, a cloud of overwhelming 
 and impenetrable darkness to our enemies. 
 
 'Felix, quern faciunt aliena pericula cautum ;■* 
 .his is well translated by some one who observes 
 that it is far better to borrow experience than to buy 
 it. He that sympathizes in all the happiness of 
 others, perhaps himself enjoys the safest happi- 
 ness, and he that is warned by all the folly of 
 others, has perhaps attained the soundest wisdom. 
 But such is the purblind egotism, and the suicidal 
 selfishness of mankind, that things so desirable are 
 seldom pursued, things so accessible, seldom at- 
 tained. That is indeed a twofold knowledge, which 
 profits alike, by the folly of the foolish, and the 
 
 * Happy, whom other's dangers render prudent. — Pub. 
 
34 LACON 
 
 wisdom of the wise ; it is both a shield and a 
 sword ; it borrows its security from the darkneos, 
 and its confidence from the light. 
 
 * Befendit Humerus,'* is the maxim of the fool- 
 ish ; ' Deperdit numerus]\ of the wise. The fact 
 is, that an honest man will continue to be so, 
 though surrounded on all sides by rogues. The 
 whole world is turned upside down once in twenty- 
 four hours ; yet no one thinks of standing upon his 
 head, rather than on his heels. He that can be 
 honest, only because every one else is honest, or 
 good, only because all around him are good, might 
 have continued an angel, if he had been born one, 
 but being a man, he will only add to that number, 
 numberless, who go to hell for the bad things they 
 have done, and for the good things which they in- 
 tended to do. 
 
 The sun should not set upon our anger, neither 
 should he rise upon our confidence. We should 
 forgive freely, but forget rarely. I will not be re- 
 venged, and this I owe to my enemy ; but I will 
 remember, and this I owe to myself. 
 
 The drafts which true genius draws upon poste- 
 rity, although they may not always be honoured so 
 soon as they are due, are sure to be paid with com- 
 pound interest, in the end. Milton's expressions, 
 on his right to this remuneration, constitute some 
 of the finest efforts of his mind. He never alludes 
 to these high pretensions, but he appears to be ani- 
 mated by an eloquence, which is at once both the 
 
 * There is safety in numbers. — Pub. 
 t There is ruin in numbers. — Pub. 
 
LA CON. 35 
 
 plea and the proof of their justice ; an eloquence, 
 so much above all present and all perishable things, 
 that, like the beam of the sun, it warms, while it 
 enlightens, and as it descends from heaven to 
 earth, raises our thoughts from earth to heaven, 
 When the great Kepler had at length discovered 
 the harmonic laws that regulate the motions of the 
 heavenly bodies, he exclaimed, ' Whether my dis- 
 coveries will be read by posterity, or by my con- 
 temporaries, is a matter that concerns them, more 
 than me. I may well be contented to wait one cen- 
 tury for a reader, when God himself, during so 
 many thousand years, has waited for an observer 
 like myself.' 
 
 Ambition is to the mind, what the cap is to the 
 falcon ; it blinds us first, and then compels us to 
 tower, by reason of our blindness. But alas, when 
 we are at the summit of a vain ambition, we are 
 also at the depth of real misery. We are placed 
 where time cannot improve, but must impair us ; 
 where chance and change cannot befriend, but may 
 betray us ; in short, by attaining all we wish, and 
 gaining all we want, we have only reached a pin- 
 nacle, where we have nothing to hope, but every 
 thing to fear. 
 
 We should justly ridicule a general, who just be- 
 fore an action should suddenly disarm his men, 
 and putting into the hands of all of them a bible, 
 should order them to march against the enemy. 
 Here, we plainly see the folly of calling in the Bible 
 lo support the sword : but is it not as grt>at a folly 
 to call in the sword to support the Bible ? Our Sa- 
 viour divided force from reason, and let no man 
 
36 LACON. 
 
 presume to join what God hath put asunder 
 When we combat error with any other weapon 
 than argument, we err more than those whom we 
 attack. 
 
 We follow the world in approving others, but we 
 go before it in approving ourselves. 
 
 None are so fond of secrets, as those who do not 
 mean to keep them ; such persons covet secrets, 
 as a spendthrift covets money, for the purpose of 
 circulation. 
 
 That knowledge, which a man may acquire only 
 by travelling is too dearly bought. The traveller 
 indeed may be said to fetch the knowledge, as the 
 merchant the wares, to be enjoyed and applied by 
 those who stay at home. A man may sit by his 
 own fireside, be conversant with many domestic 
 arts and general sciences, and yet have very cor- 
 rect ideas of the manners and customs of othci 
 nations. While on the contrary, he that has spent 
 his whole life in travelling, who, like Scriblerus, has 
 made his legs his*compasses, rather than his judg- 
 ment, may live and die a thorough novice in all the 
 most important concerns of life ; like Anson, he 
 may have been round the world, and over the world, 
 without having been in the world , and die an 
 ignoramus, even after having performed the seven 
 journeys between the holy hills ; swept the Kaaba 
 with a silver besom ; drank of the holy waters of 
 the Zemzem ; and traced the source of the Nile, 
 and the end of the Niger. 
 
 It is an observation of the late Lord Bishop of 
 
LACON. 37 
 
 LandafT, that there are but two kinds of men who 
 succeed as public characters, men of no princnle, 
 but of great talent, and men of no talent, but ol one 
 principle, that of obedience to their superiors In 
 fact, thr;re will never be a deficiency of this .second 
 class ; persons, who, like Doddington, have no 
 higher ambition than that of sailing in the wake of 
 a man of first rate abilities. ' I told the duke of 
 Newcastle,' says he, (in the account he gives of 
 himself, in his Diary) - that it must end one way or 
 the other, and must not remain as it was ; for I 
 was determined to make some sort of figure in 
 life. I earnestly wished it might be under his pro- 
 tection, but if that could not be, I must make some 
 figure ; what it would be I could not determine yet. 
 I must look around me a little, and consult my 
 friends, but some figure I was resolved to make.' 
 Indeed, it is lamentable to think, what a gulf of 
 impracticability must ever separate men of prin- 
 ciple, whom offices want, from men of no principle, 
 who want offices. It is easy to see that a Hamp- 
 den, or a Marvel, could not be connected for one 
 hour, with a Walpole,* or a Mazarin. Those who 
 would conscientiously employ power for the good 
 of others, deserve it, but do not desire it ; and 
 those who would employ it for the good of them- 
 selves, desire it, but do not deserve it. 
 
 It is more easy to forgive the weak, who have 
 injured us, than the powerful whom we have injured. 
 
 * It is but justice to say of this great minister, who went 
 such lengths in corrupting others, that there were some in- 
 stances, in which he himself was incorruptible. He re- 
 fused the sum of sixty thousand pounds which was offered 
 him to save the life of the earl of Derwentwater. 
 4 
 
38 LAC ON. 
 
 That conduct will be continued by our fears, which 
 commenced in our resentment. He that is gone so 
 far as to cut the claws of the lion, will not feel him- 
 self quite secure, until he has also drawn his teeth. 
 The greater the power of him that is injured, the 
 more inexpiable and persevering must be the efforts 
 of those who have begun to injure him. There- 
 fore a monarch who submits to a single insult, is 
 half dethroned. When the conspirators were de- 
 liberating on the murder of Paul Petrowitz, emperor 
 of Russia, a voice was heard in the antechamber, 
 saying, ' You have broken the egg, you had better 
 make the omelet? 
 
 That cowardice is incorrigible which the love of 
 power cannot overcome. In the heat and phrensy 
 of the French revolution, the contentions for place 
 and power never sustained the smallest diminution ; 
 appointments and offices were never pursued with 
 more eagerness and intrigue, than when the heads 
 of those who gained them, had they been held on 
 merely by pieces of sticking plaster, could not have 
 sat more loosely on their shoulders. Demagogues 
 sprung up like mushrooms, and the crop seemed to 
 be fecundated by blood ; although it repeatedly 
 happened that the guillotine had finished the fa- 
 vourite, before the plaster had finished the model, 
 and that the original was dead, before the bust was 
 dry. 
 
 A man may arrive at such power, and be so suc- 
 cessful in the application of it, as to be enabled to 
 crush and to overwhelm all his enemies. But a 
 safety, built upon successful vengeance, and estab 
 lished not upon our love, but upon our fear, often 
 
LAC ON. 39 
 
 contains within itself the seeds of its own destruc- 
 tion. It is at best a joyless and a precarious 
 safety, as shortlived as that of some conquerors, 
 who have died from a pestilence excited by the 
 dead bodies of the vanquished. 
 
 Many men fail in life, from the want, as they are 
 too ready to suppose, of those great occasions 
 wherein they might have shown their trustworthi- 
 ness, and their integrity. But all such persons 
 should remember, that in order to try whether a 
 vessel be leaky, we first prove it with water, before 
 we trust it with wine. The more minute, trivial, 
 and we may say vernacular opportunities of being 
 just and upright, are constantly occurring to every 
 one : and it is an unimpeachable character in these 
 lesser things, that almost invariably prepares and 
 produces those very cpportunities of greater ad- 
 vancement, and of higher confidence, which turn 
 out so rich a harvest, but which those alone are 
 permitted to reap, who have previously sown. 
 
 Of all the passions, jealousy is that which exacts 
 the hardest service, and pays the bitterest wages. 
 Its service is — to watch the success of our enemy ; 
 its wages — to be sure of it 
 
 Pedantry prides herself on being wrong by rules ; 
 while common sense is contented to be right, with- 
 out them. The former would rather stumble in 
 following the dead, than walk upright by the profane 
 assistance of the living. She worships the moul- 
 dering mummies of antiquity, and her will is, that 
 they should not be buried, but embalmed. She 
 would have Truth herself bow to the authority of 
 
40 LACON 
 
 great names ; while common sense would have 
 great names bow to the authority of truth. Folly 
 disgusts us less by her ignorance, than pedantry by 
 her learning ; since she mistakes the nonage of 
 things for their virility; and her creed is, that 
 darkness is increased by the accession of light / 
 that the world grows younger by age; and that 
 knowledge and experience are diminished, by a 
 constant and uninterrupted accumulation 
 
 There is but one pursuit in life, which it is in 
 the power of all to follow, and of all to attain. It 
 is subject to no disappointments, since he that per- 
 severes, makes every difficulty an advancement, 
 and every contest a victory ; and this is the pursuit 
 of virtue. Sincerely to aspire after virtue, is to 
 gain her ; and zealously to labour after her wages, 
 is to receive them. Those that seek her early, 
 will find her before it is late ; her reward also is 
 with her, and she will come quickly. For the 
 breast of a good man, is a little heaven commencing 
 on earth ; where the Deity sits enthroned with 
 unrivalled influence, every safety from danger, 
 resource from sterility, and subjugated passion, 
 * like the wind and storm, fulfilling his word.' 
 
 Even human knowledge is permitted to approx- 
 imate in some degree, and on certain occasions, to 
 that of the Deity, its pure and primary source ; and 
 this assimilation is never more conspicuous, than 
 when it converts evil into the means of producing 
 its opposite good. What for instance appears at 
 first sight to be so insurmountable a barrier to the 
 intercourse of nations as the ocean ; but science 
 has converted it into the best and most expeditious 
 
LAC ON. 4 
 
 mean, by which they may supply their mutual 
 wants, and carry on their most intimate communi- 
 cations. What so violent as steam ? and so de- 
 structive as fire ? What so uncertain as the wind ? 
 and so uncontrollable as the wave 1 Yet art has 
 rendered these unmanageable things instrumental 
 and subsidiary to the necessities, the comforts, and 
 even the elegancies of life. What so hard, so 
 cold, and so insensible as marble ? Yet the sculp- 
 tor can warm it into life, and bid it breathe an 
 eternity of love. What so variable as colour ? so 
 swift as light ? or so empty as shade ? Yet the 
 pencil of a Raphael can give these fleeting things 
 both a body and a soul ; can confer upon them an 
 imperishable vigour, a beauty that increases with 
 age, and which must continue to captivate genera- 
 tions. In short, wisdom can draw expedient from 
 obstacle, invention from difficulty, remedy from 
 poison. In her hands, all things become beautiful 
 by adaptment ; subservient by their use ; and salu- 
 tary by their application. 
 
 As there are none so weak, that we may venture 
 to injure them with impunity, so there are none so 
 low, that they may not at some time be able to 
 repay an obligation. Therefore, what benevolence 
 would dictate, prudence would confirm. For he 
 that is cautious of insulting the weakest, and not 
 above obliging the lowest, will have attained such 
 habits of forbearance and of conspiracy, as will 
 secure him the good-will of all that are beneath 
 him, and teach him how to avoid the enmity of all 
 that are above him. For he that would not bruise 
 even a worm, will be still more cautious how ha 
 breads upon a serpent. 
 
 4* 
 
42 LACON. 
 
 The only things in which we can be said to have 
 any property, are our actions. Our thoughts may 
 be bad, yet produce no poison, they may be good, 
 yet produce no fruit. Our riches may be taken 
 from us by misfortune, our reputation by malice, 
 our spirits by calamity, our health by disease, our 
 friends by death. But our actions must follow us 
 beyond the grave ; with respect to them alone, we 
 cannot say that we shall carry nothing with us 
 when we die, neither that we shall go naked out 
 of the world. Our actions must clothe us with an 
 immortality, loathsome or glorious ; these are the 
 only title-deeds of which we cannot be disinherited ; 
 they will have their full weight in the balance of 
 eternity, when every thing else is as nothing ; and 
 their value will be confirmed and established by 
 those two sure and sateless destroyers of all othef 
 things, — Time — and Death. 
 
 He that abuses his own profession, will not pa- 
 tiently bear with any one else that does so. And 
 this is one of our most subtile operations of self- 
 love. For when we abuse our own profession, we 
 tacitly except ourselves ; but when another abuses 
 it, we are far from being certain that this is the 
 case. 
 
 There are minds so habituated to intrigue and 
 mystery in themselves, and so prone to expect it 
 from others, that they will never except of a plain 
 reason for a plain fact, if it be possible to devise 
 causes for it that are obscure, far fetched, and 
 usually not worth the carriage. Like the miser of 
 Berkshire, who would ruin a good horse to escape 
 a turnpike, so these gentlemen ride their high-bred 
 
LACON. 43 
 
 theories to death, in order to come at truth, through 
 by-paths, lanes, and alleys ; while she herself is 
 jogging quietly along upon the high and beaten 
 road of common sense. The consequence is, that 
 those who take this mode of arriving at truth, are 
 sometimes before her, and sometimes behind her, 
 but very seldom with her. Thus the great states- 
 man who relates the conspiracy against Doria, 
 pauses to deliberate upon, and minutely to scruti- 
 nize into divers and sundry errors committed, and 
 opportunities neglected, whereby he would wish to 
 account for the total failure of that spirited enter- 
 prise. But the plain fact was, that the scheme 
 had been so well planned and digested, that it was 
 victorious in every point of its operation, both on 
 the sea and on the shore, in the harbour of Genoa, 
 no less than in the city, until that most unlucky 
 accident befell the Count de Fiesque, who was the 
 very life and soul of the conspiracy. In stepping 
 fiom one galley to another, the plank on which he 
 stood, upset, and he fell into the sea. His armour 
 happened to be very heavy — the night to be very 
 dark — the water to be very deep— and the bottom 
 to be very muddy. And it is another plain fact, 
 that water in all such cases, happens to make no 
 distinction whatever, between a conqueror and a cat. 
 
 In the tortuous and crooked policy of public 
 affairs, as well as in the less extensive, but perhaps 
 more intricate labyrinth of private concerns, there 
 are two evils, which must continue to be as reme- 
 diless as they are unfortunate ; they have no cure, 
 and their only palliatives are diffidence and time. 
 They are these — the most candid and enlightened 
 must give their assent to a probable falsehood, 
 
44 LAC ON 
 
 rather than to an improbable truth ; and their es- 
 teem to those who have a reputation, in preference 
 to those who only deserve it. 
 
 He that acts towards men, as if God saw him, 
 and prays to God, as if men heard him, although 
 he may not obtain all that he asks, or succeed in 
 all that he undertakes, will most probably deserve 
 to do so. For with respect to his actions to men, 
 however much he may fail with regard to others, 
 yet if pure and good, with regard to himself and his 
 highest interests, they cannot fail; and with re- 
 spect to his prayers to God, although they cannot 
 make the Deity more willing to give, yet they will, 
 and must, make the supplicant more worthy to 
 receive. 
 
 We did not make the world, but we may mend 
 it, and must live in it. We shall find that it abounds 
 with fools, who are too dull to be employed, and 
 knaves who are too sharp. The compound cha- 
 racter is most common, and is that with which we 
 shall have the most to do. As he that knows how 
 to put proper words in proper places, evinces the 
 truest knowledge of books, so he that knows how 
 to put fit persons in fit stations, evinces the truest 
 knowledge of men. It was observed of Elizabeth, 
 that she was weak herself, but chose wise counsel- 
 lors ; to which it was replied, that to choose wise 
 counsellors, was, in a prince, the highest wisdom. 
 
 If all seconds, were as averse to duels as their 
 principals, very little blood would be shed in that 
 way. 
 
LA-CON. 45 
 
 If we cannot exhibit a better life than an atheist, 
 we must be very bad calculators, and if we cannot 
 exhibit a better doctrine, we must be still worse 
 reasoners. Shall we then burn a man because he 
 chooses to say in his heart, there is no God ? To 
 say it in his head, is incompatible with a sound 
 state of the cerebellum. But if all who wished 
 there were no God, believed it too, we should have 
 many atheists. He that has lived without a God, 
 would be very happy to die without one ; and he 
 that by his conduct has taken the word not out of 
 the commandments, would most willingly insert it 
 into the creed. — Thou shah kill, and thou shalt 
 commit adultery, would be very conveniently sup- 
 ported by, ' I do not believe in God.' But are we 
 to burn a man for so absurd a doctrine ? Yes, says 
 the zealot, for fear of his making proselytes. Tha x 
 he will attempt to make proselytes I admit, even 
 to a system so fatherless, so forlorn, and so gloomy ; 
 and he will attempt it, on the same principle which 
 causes little children to cry at night for a bedfel- 
 low, he is afraid of being left alone in the dark ! 
 But to grant that he will be successful in his 
 attempts to convert others, would be to grant that 
 he has some reason on his side ; and we have 
 yet to learn that reason can be consumed by fire, 
 or overwhelmed by force. We will burn him then 
 for the sake of example. But his example, like 
 his doctrine, is so absurd, that let him alone, and 
 none will follow it. But by burning him, you your- 
 selves have set a most horrid example, which the 
 innumerable champions of bigotry and of fanati- 
 cism have followed, and will follow, whenever and 
 wherever they have power to do so. By burning 
 an atheist, you have lent importance to that which 
 
46 LACON. 
 
 was absurd, interest to that which was forbidding, 
 light to that which was the essence of darkness. 
 For atheism is a system which can communicate 
 neither warmth nor illumination, except from those 
 fagots which your mistaken zeal has lighted up for 
 its destruction. 
 
 There are some who affect a want of affectation, 
 and flatter themselves that they are above flattery ; 
 they are proud of being thought extremely humble, 
 and would go round the world to punish those who 
 thought them capable of revenge ; they are so 
 satisfied with the suavity of their own temper, that 
 they would quarrel with their dearest benefactor, 
 only for doubting it. — And yet so very blind are all 
 their acquaintance to their numerous qualifications 
 and merits, that the possessors of them invariably 
 discover, when it is too late, they have lived in the 
 world without a single friend, and are about to 
 leave it without a single mourner. 
 
 They that are in power, should be extremely 
 cautious to commit the execution of their plans, 
 not only to those who are able, but to those who 
 are willing ; as servants and instruments it is their 
 duty to do their best, but their employers are never 
 so sure of them, as when their dutv is also their 
 pleasure. To commit the execution of a purpose 
 to one who disapproves of the plan of it, is to em- 
 ploy but one third of the man ; his heart and his 
 head are against you, you have commanded only 
 his hands. 
 
 It is far more safe to lower any pretensions that 
 a woman may aspire to, on the score of her virtue 
 
LAG ON. 47 
 
 chan those dearer ones which she ma) foster, on 
 the side of her vanity. Tell her that she is not in 
 the exact road to gain the approbation of the 
 angels, and she may not only hear you with pa* 
 tience, but may even follow your advice ; but 
 should you venture to hint to her, that she is equally 
 unsuccessful in all her methods to gain the appro- 
 bation of men, she will pursue not the advice, but 
 the adviser, certainly with scorn, probably with 
 vengeance. 
 
 There is a certain constitution of mind, which 
 of all others, is the most likely to make our for- 
 tune, if combined with talent, or to mar them, 
 without it ; — for the errors of such minds are few, 
 but fatal. I allude to those characters, who have 
 a kind of mathematical decision about them, which 
 dictates that a straight line is the shortest distance 
 between any two points, and that small bodies with 
 velocity, have a greater momentum than large mass- 
 es without it. Thus they would rather use a cannon- 
 ball, than a batteringram. — With such minds, to 
 resolve and to act, is instantaneous ; they seem to 
 precede the march of time ; to foresee events, in 
 the chrysalis of their causes ; and to seize that 
 moment for execution, which others use in delibe- 
 ration. Cromwell* had much of this decision in 
 the camp, but in the church, hypocrisy asserted 
 her dominion, and sometimes neutralized his moral 
 
 * Cromwell is thus described by his confidential physi- 
 cian, George Bate : l A perfect master of all the arts of 
 simulation, and of dissimulation; who, turning up the 
 whites of his eyes, and seeking the Lord with pious ges- 
 tures, will weep and pra/, and cant most devoutly, till an 
 opportunity offers of dealing his dupe a knock-down blow 
 under the short ribs.' 
 
48 LACOJN. 
 
 courage, never his physical ; for he always fought 
 with more sincerity than he prayed. Cardinal de 
 Retz carried this energy and promptitude into 
 every department of his career : the church, the 
 camp, the council, and the court ; but, like Charles 
 the Xllth, he had always more sail than ballast, 
 and after the most hairbreadth escapes, was ship- 
 wrecked at last. Napoleon had more of this 
 promptitude of decision, than any other character, 
 ancient or modern. Even his ablest generals were 
 often overwhelmed with astonishment at the result 
 of his simultaneities. Kleber designated him, as a 
 chief who had two faults, that of advancing, without 
 considering how he should retreat ; — and of seizing, 
 without considering how he should retain. Jt was 
 absolutely necessary for such a man to ' wear his 
 heart in his head? for he invariably sacrificed blood 
 to time, and means to the end. If the wrong path 
 happened to be the shortest, that made it the right ; 
 and he anticipated an acquittal by securing a con- 
 quest. He invaded France with sixty men, and for 
 a time succeeded ; but this desperate measure 
 would not have been necessary, if the same promp- 
 titude of action which caused this latter attempt to 
 succeed, had not most miserably failed on a former 
 one. He had said, ' Let war feed war :' it did so, 
 and Russia spread her table-cloth of snow, to 
 receive the fragments of the feast. But all this 
 energy, and all this talent, were clouded by a total 
 want of principle : he knew that he had none him- 
 self, and here he was right; but he concluded thai 
 all others had none, and here he was often wrong. 
 On a more confined stage, and in a smaller sphere, 
 few have combined more talent with more decision, 
 than Lord Thurlow. Nature seems to have given 
 
LACON. 49 
 
 him a head oi crystal, and nerves of brass. I shall 
 quote his reply to a deputation from the dissenters, 
 as highly characteristic of the man. — They had 
 waited on him by appointment, to request that he 
 would give them his vote for the repeal of the test 
 act. They were shown into the library, where a 
 plentiful collation had been prepared. They thought 
 themselves sure of success, but they reckoned 
 without their host, who at length made his appear- 
 ance. He listened to a long harangue with much 
 patience : — when it was finished, he rose up, and 
 addressed them : * Gentlemen, you have called on 
 me to request my vote for the repeal of the test 
 act — Gentlemen, I shall not vote for the repeal of 
 the test act. I care not whether your religion has 
 the ascendency, or mine, or any, or none ; but this 
 I know, that when you were uppermost, you kept 
 us down, and now that we are uppermost, with 
 God's help we will keep you down.' 
 
 In pulpit eloquence, the grand difficulty lies here; 
 to give the subject all the dignity it so fully de- 
 serves, without attaching any importance to our- 
 selves. The Christian messenger cannot think too 
 highly of his prince, or too humbly of himself. 
 This is that secret art which captivates and im- 
 proves an audience, and which all who see, will 
 fancy they could imitate, while most who try will fail. 
 
 * Speret idem, sudet multum, frustraque laboret, 
 
 6 Ausus idem.'* 
 
 The most disinterested of all gifts, are those 
 which kings bestow on undeserving favourites ; — 
 
 * He that undertakes this business will toil in vain,— Tub. 
 
50 LAC ON. 
 
 first, because they are purely at the expense of *h& 
 donor's character ; and secondly, because they are 
 sure to be repaid with ingratitude. In fact, honours 
 and titles so conferred, or rather so misplaced, dis- 
 honour the giver, without exalting the receiver ; 
 they are a splendid sign, to a wretched inn ; an 
 illuminated frontispiece, to a contemptible missal ; 
 a lofty arch overshadowing a gutter. Court minions 
 lifted up from obscurity by their vices, and splen- 
 did, only because they reflect the rays of royal 
 munificence, may be compared to those fogs, which 
 the sun raises up from the swamp, merely to ob- 
 scure the beams, which were the cause of their 
 elevation. 
 
 Some men who know that they are great, are so 
 very haughty withal and insufferable, that their 
 acquaintance discover their greatness, only by the 
 tax of humility, which they are obliged to pay, as 
 the price of their friendship. Such characters are 
 as tiresome and disgusting in the journey of life, as 
 rugged roads are to the weary traveller, which he 
 discovers to be turnpikes, only by the toll. 
 
 A certain degree of labour and exertion seems 
 to have been allotted us by Providence, as the con- 
 dition of humanity. ' In the sweat of thy brow shall 
 thou eat thy bread ;' this is a curse which has proved 
 a blessing in disguise. And those favoured few, 
 who, by their rank, or their riches, are exempted 
 from all exertion, have no reason to be thankful for 
 the privilege. It was the observation of this neces- 
 sity, that led the ancients to say, that the gods sold 
 us every thing, but gave us nothing. Water, how 
 ever, which is one of the great necessaries of life* 
 
L A O O JN . 51 
 
 may, in general, be gratuitously procured ; but it 
 has been well observed, that if bread, the other 
 great necessary of human life, could be procured 
 on terms equally cheap and easy, there would be 
 much more reason to fear, that men would become 
 brutes, for the want of something to do, rather than 
 philosophers, irom the possession of leisure And 
 the facts seem to bear out the theory. In all coun- 
 tries, where nature does the most, man does the 
 least ; and where she does but little, there we shall 
 find the utmost acme of human exertion. — Thus, 
 Spain produces the worst farmers, and Scotland 
 the best gardeners ; the former are the spoilt chil- 
 dren of indulgence, the latter, the hardy offspring 
 of endeavour. The copper, coal, and iron, of 
 England, inasmuch as they cost much labour to 
 dig, and ensure a still further accumulation of it 
 when dug, have turned out to be richer mines to 
 us, than those of Potosi and Peru. The posses- 
 sors of the latter have been empoverished by their 
 treasures, while we have been constantly enriched 
 by our exertions. Our merchants, without being 
 aware of it, have been the sole possessors of the 
 philosopher's stone, for they have anticipated most 
 of the wealth of Mexico before it arrived in Eu- 
 rope, by transmuting their iron and their copper 
 into gold. 
 
 The road to glory would cease to be arduous, if 
 it were trite and trodden ; and great minds must 
 always be ready not only to take opportunities, but 
 to make them. Alexander dragged the Pythian 
 priestess to the temple on a forbidden day. — She 
 exclaimed, ' My son, thou art invincible? which 
 was oracle enough for him. — On a second occasion 
 
52 LACON. 
 
 he cut the Gordian knot which others had in vain 
 attempted to untie. — Those who start for human 
 glory, like the mettled hounds of Actaeon, must 
 pursue the game not only where there is a path, but 
 where there is none. They must be able to simu- 
 late and dissimulate, to leap and to creep ; to con- 
 quer the earth like Caesar, to fall down and kiss it 
 like Brutus ; to throw their sword like Brennus into 
 the trembling scale ; or like Nelson, to snatch the 
 laurels from the doubtful hand of victory, while she 
 is hesitating where to bestow them. — That policy 
 that can strike only while the iron is hot, will be 
 overcome by that perseverance, which, like Crom- 
 well's can make the iron hot by striking ; and he 
 that can only rule the storm, must yield to him who 
 can both raise and rule it 
 
 Some frauds succeed from the apparent candour, 
 the open confidence, and the full blaze of ingen- 
 uousness that is thrown around them. The slight 
 est mystery would excite suspicion, and ruin all. — 
 Such stratagems may be compared to the stars, 
 they are discoverable by darkness and hidden only 
 by light. 
 
 Some one in casang up his accounts, put down 
 a very large sum per annum for his idleness. — But 
 there is another account more awful than that of 
 our expenses, in which many will find that their 
 idleness has mainly contributed to the balance 
 against them. From its very inaction, idleness 
 ultimately becomes the most active cause of evil : 
 as a palsy is more to be dreaded than a fever. The 
 Turks have a proverb, which says, that, The devil 
 tempts all other men, hit that idle men tempt the 
 
LACON. 53 
 
 devil. Prince Eugene informed a confidential 
 friend, lhat in the course of his life, he had been 
 exposed to many Potiphars, to all of whom he had 
 proved a Joseph, merely because he had so many 
 other things to attend to 
 
 There is no quality of the mind, or of the body, 
 that so instantaneously and irresistibly captivates, 
 as wit. An elegant writer has observed that wit 
 may do very well for a mistress, but that he should 
 prefer reason for a wife. He that deserts the lat- 
 ter, and gives himself up entirely to the guidance 
 of the former, will certainly fall into many pitfalls 
 and quagmires, like him, who walks by flashes of 
 lightning, rather than by the steady beams of the 
 sun. The conquest, therefore, of wit over the 
 mind, is not like that of the Romans over the body; 
 a conquest regulated by policy, and perpetuated by 
 prudence ; a conquest that conciliated all that it 
 subdued, and improved all that it conciliated. The 
 triumphs of wit should rather be compared to the 
 inroads of the Parthians, splendid, but transient ; a 
 victory succeeded by surprise, and indebted more 
 to the sharpness of the arrow, than the strength of 
 the arm, and to the rapidity of an evolution, rather 
 than the solidity of a phalanx. Wit, however, is 
 one of the few things which has been rewarded 
 more often than it has been defined. A certain 
 bishop said to his chaplain : What is wit ? The 
 chaplain replied, The rectory of B . . . .is vacant, 
 give it to me, and that will be wit. Prove it, said his 
 Lordship, and you shall have it : It would be a good 
 thing well applied, rejoined the chaplain. The din- 
 ner daily prepared for the Royal chaplains at St 
 James', was reprieved for a time from suspension* 
 5* 
 
M LAC ON. 
 
 by an effort of wit. King Charles had appointed 
 a day for dining with his chaplains ; and it was 
 understood that this step was adopted as the least 
 unpalatable mode of putting an end to the dinner. 
 It was Dr. South's turn to say the grace : and 
 whenever the king honoured his chaplains with his 
 presence, the prescribed formula ran thus : ' God 
 save the king, and bless the dinner. , Our witty 
 divine took the liberty of transposing the words, by 
 saying, ' God bless the king, and save the dinner.' 
 1 And it shall be saved,' said the monarch. 
 
 It is not so difficult to fill a comedy with good 
 repartee, as might be at first imagined, if we con- 
 sider how completely both parties are in the power 
 of the author. The blaze of wit in the School for 
 Scandal, astonishes us less, when we remember 
 that the writer had it in his power to frame both 
 the question, and the answer ; the reply, and the 
 rejoinder ; the time and the place. He must be a 
 poor proficient, who cannot keep up the game, 
 when the ball, the wall, and the racket, are at his 
 sole command. 
 
 The clashing interests of society, and the double, 
 yet equal and contrary demands arising out of them, 
 where duty and justice are constantly opposed to 
 gratitude and inclination, these things must make 
 the profession of a statesman, an office neither easy 
 nor enviable. It often happens that such men have 
 only a choice of evils, and that, in adopting either, 
 the discontent will be certain, the benefit precarious. 
 It is seldom that statesmen have the option of choos- 
 ing between a good and an evil ; and still more sel- 
 dom, that they can boast of that fortunate situation, 
 
LACON. 55 
 
 wheio, like the great Duke of Marlborough, they 
 are permitted to choose between two things that 
 are good. His Grace was hesitating whether he 
 should take a prescription recommended by the 
 Dutchess : ' I will be hanged,' said he, 'if it does 
 not cure you.' Dr. Garth who was present, in- 
 stantly exclaimed, ' Take it then, your Grace, by 
 all manner of means, it is sure to do good one way 
 or the other V 
 
 Hurry and Cunning are the two apprentices of 
 Despatch and Skill ; but neither of them ever learn 
 their master's trade. 
 
 Success seems to be that which forms the dis- 
 tinction between confidence and conceit. Nelson, 
 when young, was piqued at not being noticed in a 
 certain paragraph of the newspapers, which detailed 
 an action wherein he had assisted : ' But never 
 mind,' said he, ' I wall one day have a gazette of 
 my own.' 
 
 The excesses of our youth are drafts upon our 
 old age, payable with interest, about thirty years 
 after date. 
 
 None are so seldom found alone, and are so soon 
 tired of their own company, as those coxcombs 
 who are on the best terms with themselves. 
 
 Some historians, like Tacitus, Burnet, and the 
 Abbe Raynal, are never satisfied, without adding to 
 their detail of events, the secret springs and causes 
 that have produced them. But, both heroes and 
 
56 LACON. 
 
 statesmen, amid the din of arms, and the hurry of 
 business, are too often necessitated to invert the 
 natural order of things ; to fight before they delib- 
 erate, and decide before they consult. A states- 
 man may regulate himself by events, but it is sel- 
 dom that he can cause events to regulate them- 
 selves by him. It often happens too, both in courts 
 and in cabinets, that there are two things going on 
 together, a main plot and an under plot ; and he 
 that understands only one of them, will, in all prob- 
 ability, be the dupe of both. A mistress may rule 
 a monarch, but some obscure favourite may rule 
 the mistress. Doctor Busby was asked how he 
 contrived to keep all his preferments, and the head 
 mastership of Westminster School, through the suc- 
 cessive, but turbulent reigns of Charles the First, 
 Oliver Cromwell, Charles the Second, and James ; 
 he replied, ' The fathers govern the nation ; the 
 mothers govern the fathers ; the boys govern the 
 mothers ; and I govern the boys? 
 
 Fortune has been considered the guardian divin- 
 ity of fools ; ana, on this score, she has been 
 accused of blindness ; but it should rather be ad- 
 duced as a proof of her sagacity, when she helps 
 those who certainly cannot help themselves. 
 
 Literary prizes, and academical honours, are lau- 
 dable objects of any young man's ambition ; they 
 are the proofs of present merit, and the pledges of 
 future utility. But, when hopes excited within the 
 cloister, are not realized beyond it ; when academ- 
 ical rewards, produce not public advantage, the 
 general voice will not squander away upon the blos- 
 som, that praise and gratitude, which it reserves 
 
LACON 57 
 
 only for the fruit. Let those, therefore, who have 
 been successful in their academic career, be careful 
 to maintain their speed, ' servetur ad imumj* other- 
 wise these petty kings within the walls of their 
 colleges, will find themselves dethroned monarchs 
 when they mix with the world ; a world through 
 which, like Theodore, f they will be doomed to wan- 
 der out of humour with themselves, and useless to 
 society : exasperated at all who do not recognise 
 their former royalty, and commiserate their present 
 degradation. The Senior Wrangler, of a certain 
 year, piping hot from the Senate House at Cam- 
 bridge, went to the play at Drury-Lane. It so hap- 
 pened, that a certain great personage entered at the 
 same moment, on the other side of the house, but 
 unobserved by the mathematician. The whole 
 house testified their respect, by a general rising 
 and clapping of hands. Our astonished academic 
 instantly exclaimed, to the no small amusement of 
 his London friends, * Well, well, this is more than 
 I expected ; how is it possible that these good 
 people should so soon have discovered that I am 
 the Senior Wrangler.' 
 
 Men spend their lives in anticipations, in deter- 
 mining to be vastly happy at some period or other, 
 when they have time. But the present time has one 
 advantage over every other — it is our own. Past 
 opportunities are gone, future are not come. We 
 may lay in a stock of pleasures, as we would lay 
 in a stock of wine ; but if we defer tasting them 
 too long, we shall find that both are soured by age. 
 
 * Save it Hill the last.—VvB, 
 t King of Corsica. 
 
58 LAC ON. 
 
 Let our happiness, therefore, be a modest mansion, 
 which we can inhabit while we have our health and 
 vigour to enjoy it ; not a fabric, so vast and expen- 
 sive that it has cost us the best part of our lives 
 to build it, and which we can expect to occupy only 
 when we have less occasion for a habitation than 
 a tomb. It has been well observed, that we should 
 treat futurity as an aged friend from whom we 
 expect a rich legacy. Let us do nothing to forfeit 
 his esteem, and treat him with respect, not with ser- 
 vility. But let us not be too prodigal when we are 
 young, nor too parsimonious when we are old, 
 otherwise we shall fall into the common error of 
 those, who, when they had the power to enjoy, had 
 not the prudence to acquire ; and when they had 
 the prudence to acquire, had no longer the power 
 to enjoy, 
 
 There are some who write, talk, and think, so 
 much about vice and virtue, that they have no time 
 to practise, either the one or the other.* They die 
 with less sin to answer for than some others, 
 because they have been too busy in disputing about 
 the origin of it, to commit it ; and with little or no 
 religion of their own, from their constant though 
 unavailing assiduities to settle that of other men 
 Charles the Fifth, after his abdication, amused him- 
 self in his retirement at St. Juste, by attempting to 
 make a number of watches go exactly together. 
 Being constantly foiled in this attempt, he exclaimed 
 * What a fool have I been, to neglect my own con- 
 
 * The great Howard, on the contrary, was so fully en- 
 gaged in works of active benevolence, that, unlike Baxter, 
 whose knees were callous by prayer, he left himself but 
 little time to pray. Thousands were praying for nun. 
 
LACON 59 
 
 cems, and to waste ray whole life in a vain attempt 
 to make all men think alike on matters of religion 
 when I cannot even make a few watches keep time 
 
 together ! 
 
 'His v ell-em potius nugis tota ista dedisset 
 ' Tempora scevitoz.' 
 
 Adroit observers will find, that some who affect 
 to dislike flattery, may yet be flattered indirectly, 
 by a well seasoned abuse and ridicule of their 
 rivals. Diogenes professed to be no flatterer ; but 
 his cynic raillery was, in other words, flattery; it 
 fed the ruling passion of the Athenian mob, who 
 were more pleased to hear their superiors abused, 
 than themselves commended. 
 
 A cool blooded and crafty politician, when he 
 would be thoroughly revenged on his enemy, makes 
 the injuries which have been inflicted, not on himself, 
 but on others, the pretext of his attack. He thus 
 engages the world as a partisan in his quarrel, and 
 dignifies his private hate, by giving it the air of 
 disinterested resentment. When Augustus wished 
 to put in force the Lex Icesa? majestatis, for sup- 
 pressing libels and lampoons, he took care to do it, 
 says Aurelius, not in his own name, but in the name 
 of the majesty of the Roman people. ' Nam suo 
 nomine compcscere erat invidicsum, sub alieno 
 facile, et utile. Ergo specie legis tractabat quasi 
 majestas populi Romani infamaretur ?\ 
 
 * O thaihe hadgiven-io these trifles all those days of cruelty. 
 
 iFor it was invidious to check them in his oxen name, but 
 tasy and expedient to do it under another; therefore, he con- 
 trived the laic in such form, as if the majesty of the Roman 
 people was insulted. — Pub. 
 
60 LACON. 
 
 Pettifoggers in law, and empirics in medicine, 
 whether their patients lose or save their property, 
 or their lives, take care to be, in either case, equally 
 remunerated ; they profit by both horns of the 
 dilemma, and press defeat, no less than success, 
 into their service. They hold from time immemo- 
 rial, the fee-simple of a vast estate, subject to no 
 alienation, diminution, revolution, nor tax ; the folly 
 and ignorance of mankind. Over this extensive 
 domain, they have long had, by undisputed usance, 
 the sole management and control, inasmuch as the 
 real owners most strenuously and sturdily disclaim 
 all right, title, and proprietorship therein. 
 
 Some Sciolists have discovered a short path to 
 celebrity. Having heard that it is a vastly silly 
 thing to believe every thing, they take it for granted, 
 that it must be a vastly wise thing to believe nothing. 
 They therefore set up for freethinkers ; hue then 
 only stock in trade is, that they are f/ee from 
 thinking. It is not safe to contemn them, nor very 
 easy to convince them ; since no person* make so 
 large a demand against the reason o\ others, as 
 those who have none of their own ; as u highway- 
 man will take greater liberties with our purse, xhan 
 our banker. 
 
 The pope conducts himself towards our Heavenly 
 master, as a knavish steward does to aa earthly one. 
 He says to the tenants, you may continue to neglect 
 my master's interests as much as you piea&e, but 
 keep on good terms with me, and I Will take care 
 that you shall be on good terms with my master.* 
 
 * In the book of Religious Rates, registered in the court 
 of France, in the year 1699, are the following items. Abso 
 
LAC ON. 81 
 
 When the great Frederick, the enlightened phi- 
 losopher of Sans Souci heard of the petitions and 
 remonstrances sent to the throne from our towns 
 and counties, he was heard to exclaim, l Ah, why 
 am not I their king ? with a hundred thousand of 
 my troops round the throne, and a score or two of 
 executioners in my train, I should soon make those 
 proud islanders as dutiful as they are brave, and 
 myself the first monarch in the universe? But it 
 would have been only by and with a parliament 
 that he could have raised any supplies ; and Charles 
 the First, might have taught him the danger of 
 attempting to reign without one. Either his hun- 
 dred thousand men would have mutinied for want 
 of pay, or, if he had attempted to support them by 
 Unconstitutional measures, his executioners might 
 eventually be called upon to perform a tragedy, in 
 which this adventurous monarch himself might 
 have been under the awkward necessity of per 
 forming the principal part. 
 
 There are a vast number of easy, pliable, good- 
 natured human expletives in the world, who are just 
 what that world chooses to make them ; they glitter 
 without pride, and are affable without humility ; 
 they sin without enjoyment, and pray without devo- 
 tion ; they are charitable, not to benefit the poor, 
 but to court the rich ; profligate without passion, 
 they are debauchees, to please others and to punish 
 themselves. — Thus, a youth without fire, is fol- 
 lowed by an old age without experience, and they 
 
 lution for apostacy, 80 livres ; for bigamy, 10,050 ; ditto for 
 homicide, 95; dispensation for a great irregularity, 50 
 livres ; dispensation from vows of chastity, 15. 
 6 
 
62 LA CON. 
 
 continue to float do wn the tide of time, as circumstan- 
 ces or chance may dictate, divided between God and 
 the world, and serving both, but rewarded by neither. 
 
 In the obscurity of retirement, amid the squalid 
 poverty and revolting privations of a cottage, it has 
 often been my lot to witness scenes of magnanimity 
 and self-denial, as much beyond the belief, as the 
 practice of the great; a heroism borrowing no 
 support, either from the gaze of the many or the 
 admiration of the few, yet flourishing amidst ruins, 
 and on the confines of the grave ; a spectacle as 
 stupendous in the moral world, as the Falls of Ni- 
 agara, in the natural ; and, like that mighty cata- 
 ract, doomed to display its grandeur, only where 
 there are no eyes to appreciate its magnificence. 
 
 Lady Mary Wortly Montague observed, that in 
 the whole course of her long and extensive travels, 
 she had found but two sorts of people, men and 
 women. This simple remark was founded on no 
 small knowledge of human nature ; but, we might 
 add, that even this distinction, narrow as it is, is 
 now gradually disappearing; for some of our beaux, 
 are imitating the women, in every thing that is little, 
 and some of our women are imitating the men, in 
 every thing that is great. 
 
 Miss Edgeworth and Madame de Stael, have 
 proved that there is no sex in style ; and Madame 
 La Roche Jacqueline, and the Dutchess d'An- 
 gouleme, have proved that there is no sex in courage. 
 Barbarous or refined, in rags or in ruffles, at St. 
 Giles's or St. James's, covered with the skins of 
 quadrupeds, or the costly entrails of an insect, we 
 are in essentials the same. We pursue the same 
 
LACON. 63 
 
 good, and fly the same evils ; we loathe and love, 
 and hope and fear, from causes that differ little in 
 themselves, but only in their circumstances and 
 modifications. Hence, it happens, that the irony 
 of Lucian, the discriminations of Theophrastus, 
 the strength of Juvenal, and the wit of Horace, are 
 felt and relished alike by those who have inhaled 
 the clear air of the Partheon, the skies of Italy, or 
 the fogs of London ; and have been alike admirea 
 on the banks of the Melissus, the Tiber, or the 
 Thames. A Scotch highlander was taken prisoner 
 by a tribe of Indians, his life was about to be sacri- 
 ficed, when the chief adopted him as his son. They 
 carried him into the interior ; he learned their lan- 
 guage, assumed their habits, and became skilful in 
 the use of their arms. After a season, the same 
 tribe began their route to join the French army, 
 at that time opposed to the English. It was neces- 
 sary to pass near to the English lines during the 
 night. Very early in the morning, and it was 
 spring, the old chief roused the young highlander 
 from his repose : he took him to an eminence and 
 pointed out to him the tents of his countrymen. 
 The old man appeared to be dreadfully agitated, 
 and there was a keen restlessness in his eye. 
 After a pause : ' I lost,' said he, i my only son, in 
 the battle with your nation ; are you the only son 
 of your father? and do you think that your father 
 is yet alive ?' The young man replied, ' lam the 
 only son of my father, and hope that my father is 
 yet alive V They stood close to a beautiful mag- 
 nolia, in full blossom. The prospect was grand 
 and enchanting, and all its charms were crowned 
 by the sun, which had fully emerged from the ho- 
 rizon. The old chief, looking steadfastly at his 
 
t>4 LAC ON. 
 
 companion, exclaimed, * Let thy heart rejoice at 
 the beauty of the scene ! to me it is a desert ; but 
 you are free ; return to your countrymen, revisit 
 your father, that he may again rejoice when ho 
 sees the sun rise in the morning, and the trees 
 blossom in the spring !' 
 
 False reasoners are often best confuted by giving 
 them the full swing of their own absurdities. Some 
 arguments may be compared to wheels, where half 
 a turn will put every thing upside down that is 
 attached to their peripheries ; but if we complete 
 the circle, all things will be just where we found 
 them. Hence, it is common to say, that arguments 
 that prove too much, prove nothing. I once heard 
 a gentleman affirm, that all mankind were governed 
 by a strong and overruling influence, which deter- 
 mined all their actions, and over which they had 
 no control ; and the inference deducible from such 
 a position was, that there was no distinction be- 
 tween virtue or vice. Now, let us give this mode 
 of reasoning full play. A murderer is brought be- 
 fore a judge, and sets up this strong and overruling 
 propensity as a justification of his crime. Now, 
 the judge, even if he admitted the plea, must, on 
 the criminal's own showing, condemn him to death. 
 He would thus address the prisoner : You had a 
 strong propensity to commit a murder, and this, 
 you say, must do away the guilt of your crimw ; 
 but / have a strong propensity to hang you for it, 
 and this, / say, must also do away the guilt of your 
 punishment. 
 
 Men of great and shining qualities do not always 
 succeed in Jife, but the fault lies more often in them* 
 
LAC ON. 65 
 
 selves than in others. Doctor Johnson was pro- 
 nounced to be an improducible man, by a cour- 
 tier ; and Dr. Watson was termed an impracticable 
 man, by a king. A ship may be well equipped, 
 both as to sails and as to guns, but if she be des- 
 titute of ballast, and of rudder, she can neither fight 
 with effect, nor fly with adroitness ; and she must 
 strike, to a vessel less strong, but more manage- 
 able : and so it is with men ; they may have the 
 gifts both of talent and of wit, but unless they 
 have also prudence and judgment to dictate the 
 when, the where, and the how, those gifts are to 
 be exerted, the possessors of them will be doomed 
 ' to conquer only where nothing is to be gained, but 
 to be defeated where every thing is to be lost ; 
 they will be outdone by many men of less brilliant, 
 but more convertible qualifications, and whose 
 strength in one point, is not counterbalanced by 
 any disproportion in another. Disappointed men, 
 who think they have talents, and who hint that 
 their talents have not been properly rewarded, 
 usually finish their career by writing their own his- 
 tory ; but in detailing their misfortunes, they only 
 let us into the secret of their mistakes ; and, in 
 accusing their patrons of blindness, make it appear 
 that they ought rather to have accused them of 
 sagacity ; since it would seem that they saw too 
 much, rather than too little ; namely, that second- 
 rate performances were too often made the founda- 
 tion of first-rate pretensions. Disappointed men, 
 in attempting to make us weep at the injustice of 
 one patron, or the ingratitude of another, only make 
 us smile at their own denial of self-importance 
 which they have, and at their assumption of a phi- 
 losophic indifference which they have not, 
 6* 
 
66 L A C O N. 
 
 Love may exist without jealousy, although this 
 is rare ; but jealousy may exist without love, and 
 this is common : for jealousy can feed on that which 
 is bitter, no less than on that which is sweet, and 
 is sustained by pride, as often as by affection. 
 
 There are three modes of bearing the ills of life ; 
 by indifference, which is the most common ; by 
 philosophy, which is the most ostentatious ; and by 
 religion, which is the most elfectual. It has been 
 acutely said, that 'philosophy readily triumphs over 
 'past or future evils, but that present evils triumph 
 over philosophy.' Philosophy is a goddess, whose 
 head indeed is in heaven, but whose feet are upon 
 earth : she attempts more than she accomplishes, 
 and promises more than she performs ; she can 
 teach us to hear of the calamities of others with 
 magnanimity ; but it is religion only that can teach 
 us to bear our own with resignation. 
 
 There are some frauds so well conducted, that it 
 would be stupidity not to be deceived by them. A 
 wise man, therefore, may be duped as well as a fool ; 
 but the fool publishes the triumph of his deceiver ; 
 the wise man is silent, and denies that triumph to 
 an enemy which he would hardly concede to a 
 friend ; a triumph that proclaims his own defeat. 
 
 The true motives of our actions, like the real 
 pipes of an organ, are usually concealed. But the 
 gilded and *,he hollow pretext, is pompously placed 
 in the front of show. 
 
L A C O N. 67 
 
 An act, by which we make one friend, and one 
 enemy, is a losing game ; because revenge is a 
 much stronger principle than gratitude. 
 
 Our minds are as different as our faces ; we are 
 all travelling to one destination — happiness ; but 
 none are going by the same road. 
 
 A king of England has an interest in preserving 
 the freedom of the press, because it is his interest 
 to know the true state of the nation, which the 
 courtiers would fain conceal, but of which a free 
 press alone can inform him. 
 
 Bigotry murders religion, to frighten fools with 
 her ghost. 
 
 The wisest man may be wiser to-day, than he 
 was yesterday, and to-morrow, than he is to-day 
 Total freedom from change, would imply total free- 
 dom from error ; but this is the prerogative of 
 Omniscience alone. The world, however, is very 
 censorious, and will hardly give a man credit for sim- 
 plicity and singleness of heart, who is not only in the 
 habit of changing his opinions, but also of bettering 
 his fortunes by every change. Butler, in his best 
 manner, has ridiculed this tergiversation, by asking : 
 
 1 "What makes all doctrines plain and clear 1 
 About two hundred pounds a-year. 
 And what was proved quite plain before, 
 Proved false again 7 — Two hundred moie.' 
 
 When, indeed, we dismiss our old opinions and 
 embrace new ones, at the expense of worldly profit 
 and advantage, there may be some who will doubt 
 
68 L A C O JN . 
 
 of our discernment, but there will be none who 
 will impeach our sincerity. He that adopts new 
 opinions at the expense of every worldly comfort, 
 gives proof of an integrity, differing only in de- 
 gree, from that of him, who clings to old ones at 
 the hazard of every danger. This latter effort of 
 integrity has been described by Butler, in a manner 
 which proves that sublimity and wit are not inva- 
 riably disconnected : — 
 
 1 For loyalty is still the same, 
 Whether it win or lose the game ; 
 True as the dial to the sun, 
 Although it be not shined upon.* 
 
 Therefore, when men of admitted talent, and of 
 high consideration, come over to truth, it is always 
 better, both for their own and future times, that 
 they should come over unto her, for herself alone ; 
 that they should embrace her as a naked and un- 
 portioned virgin, an ' Indotata Virgo]* most adorned, 
 when deprived of all extrinsic adornment, and most 
 beautiful, when she has nothing but herself to be- 
 stow. But, in the civil, no less than in the eccle- 
 siastical horizon, there will ever be some wandering 
 stars, whose phases we may predict, and whose 
 aspects we may calculate, because we know the 
 two forces that regulate their motions ; they are, 
 the love of profit, and the love of praise ; but, as 
 these two powers happen to be equal and contrary, 
 the career of all bodies, under their joint influence, 
 must be that of a diagonal between the two. A 
 certain non-conformist having accepted of a rich 
 benefice, wished to justify himself to his friend ; 
 he invited him to dinner on a certain day, and ad* 
 
 * A dowerless maiden. — Pub. 
 
LACON. 69 
 
 ded, that he would then show him eight satisfactory 
 reasons for his tergiversation. His friend came t 
 and on his refusing to sit down until he had pro 
 duced his eight reasons, our host pointed to the 
 dinner table, which was garnished by a wife and 
 seven children. Another, on a similar occasion, 
 attempted to exculpate himself by saying, 'We must 
 live. 9 Dr. Johnson would have replied, ' I see no 
 absolute necessity for that 9 But if we admit this 
 necessity, it might be answered by another, — that 
 we must also die. 
 
 We hate some persons because we do not know 
 them ; and we will not know them, because we 
 hate them. The friendships that succeed to such 
 aversions are usually firm, for those qualities must 
 be sterling, that could not only gain our hearts 
 but conquer our prejudices. But the misfortune is„ 
 that we carry these prejudices into things far more 
 serious than our friendships. Thus, there are 
 truths, which some men despise, because they have 
 not examined, and which they will not examine, 
 because they despise. There is one single instance 
 on record, where this kind of prejudice was over 
 come by a miracle ; — but the age of miracles is 
 past, while that of prejudice remains. 
 
 The awkwardness and embarrassment which all 
 feel on beginning to write, when they themselves 
 are the theme, ought to serve as a hint to authors, 
 that self is a subject they ought very rarely to 
 descant upon. It is extremely easy to be as ego- 
 tistical as Montaigne, and as conceited as Rous- 
 seau ; but it is extremely difficult to be as enter- 
 taining as the one, or as eloquent as the other. 
 
70 LAUON 
 
 Men whose reputation stands deservedly nigh as 
 writers, have often miserably failed as speakers : 
 their pens seem to have been enriched at the ex- 
 pense of their tongues. Addison and Gibbon at- 
 tempted oratory in the senate, only to fail. ' The 
 good speakers? says Gibbon, ' filled me with despair, 
 the bad ones with apprehension? And in more mo- 
 dern times, the powerful depicter of Harold, and 
 the elegant biographer of Leo, have both failed in 
 oratory ; the capital of the former is so great in 
 many things, that he can afford to fail in one. But 
 to return, many reasons might be offered to recon- 
 cile that contradiction which my subject seems to 
 involve. In the first place, those talents that con- 
 stitute a fine writer, are more distinct from those 
 that constitute an orator, than might be at first 
 supposed : I admit that they may be sometimes 
 accidentally, but never necessarily combined. — 
 That the qualifications for writing and those for 
 eloquence, are in many points distinct, would ap- 
 pear from the converse of the proposition, for there 
 have been many fine speakers, who have proved 
 themselves bad writers. There is good ground for 
 believing that Mr. Pitt would not have shone as an 
 author ; and the attempt of Mr. Fox in that arena, 
 has added nothing to his celebrity. Abstraction 
 of thought, seclusion from popular tumuL occa- 
 sional retirement to the study, a diffidence in our 
 own opinions, a deference to those of other men, a 
 sensibility that feels every thing, a humility that 
 arrogates nothing, are necessary qualifications for 
 a writer ; but their very opposites would perhaps 
 be preferred by an orator. He that has spent much 
 of his time in a study, will seldom be collected 
 enough to think in a crowd, or confides enough to 
 
LACON. 7* 
 
 talk in one. We may also add, that mistakes of 
 the pen in the study, may be committed withoui 
 publicity, and rectified without humiliation. But 
 mistakes of the tongue, committed in the senate, 
 never escape with impunity. ' Fugit irrevocabile 
 verbum?* Eloquence, to produce her full effect, 
 should f^tart from the head of the orator, as Pallas 
 from the brain of Jove, completely armed and 
 equipped. Diffidence, therefore, which is so able 
 a mentor to the writer, would prove a dangerous 
 counsellor for the orator. As writers, the most 
 timid may boggle twenty times in a day with their 
 pen, and it is their own fault if it be known even to 
 their valet ; but, as orators, if they chance to boggle 
 once with their tongue, the detection is as public 
 as the delinquency ; the punishment is irremis- 
 sible, and immediately follows the offence. It is 
 the knowledge and the fear of this, that destroys 
 their eloquence as orators, who have sensibility 
 and taste for writing, but neither collectedness nor 
 confidence for speaking ; for fear not only magni- 
 fies difficulties, but diminishes our power to over- 
 come them, and thus doubly debilitates her victims. 
 But another cause of their deficiency as orators, 
 who have shone as writers, is this, ' mole ruunt 
 sua; 9 they know they have a character to support 
 by their tongue, which they have previously gained 
 by their pen. They rise, determined to attempt 
 more than other men, and for that very reason they 
 effect less, and doubly disappoint their hearers. 
 They miss of that which is clear, obvious, and ap- 
 propriate, in a laboured search after that which is 
 far-fetched, recondite, and refined; like him that 
 
 * The word uttered is irrevocable. — Pub. 
 
72 LAC ON. 
 
 would lain give us better bread than can be made 
 of wheat. Affectation is the cause of this error 
 disgust its consequence, and disgrace its punish 
 ment. 
 
 Sensibility would be a good portress, if she had 
 but one hand ; with her right she opens the door 
 to pleasure, but with her left to pain. 
 
 It would be most lamentable if the good things 
 of this world were rendered either more valuable, 
 or more lasting ; for, despicable as they already 
 are, too many are found eager to purchase them, 
 even at the price of their souls !* 
 
 Hope is a prodigal young heir, and Experience 
 is his banker ; but his drafts are seldom honoured, 
 since there is often a heavy balance against him, 
 because he draws largely on a small capital, is not 
 yet in possession, and if he were, would die. 
 
 We might perhaps with truth affirm, that all 
 nations do, at all times, enjoy exactly as much 
 liberty as they deserve, and no more. But it is 
 
 * That the wicked prosper in the world, that they come 
 into no misfortune ] ike other folks, neither are they plagued 
 like other men, is a doctrine that divines should not broach 
 too frequently in the present day. For there are some so 
 completely absorbed in present things, that they would sub- 
 scribe to that blind and blasphemous wish of the marshal 
 and duke of Biron, who, on hearing an ecclesiastic observe, 
 that those whom God had forsaken and deserted as incor- 
 rigible,were permitted their full swing of worldly pleasures, 
 the gratification of all their passions, and a long Jtfe of 
 sensuality, affluence, and indulgence, immediately replied, 
 1 That he should be most happy to be so forsatoea/ 
 
LACON. ?5 
 
 evident this observation applies only to those 
 nations that are strong enough to maintain their 
 independence ; because a country may be over- 
 whelmed by a powerful neighbour, as Greece by 
 Turkey, Italy by France ; or a state imy be made 
 the victim of a combination of other states, as 
 Poland, or Saxony, or Genoa ; and it is not meant 
 to affirm that all of these enjoy as much liberty as 
 they deserve ; for nations, as well as individuals, 
 are not exempted from some evils, for the causes of 
 which they cannot justly accuse themselves. But 
 if we return to our first position, we might perhaps 
 with truth affirm, that France, in the commence- 
 ment of her revolution, was too mad, that during 
 the reign of terror she was too cowardly, and 
 under the despotism of Napoleon, too ambitious, 
 to be worthy of so great a blessing as liberty. She, 
 is now gradually becoming more rational, and, in 
 the same proportion, more free. Of some of the 
 other nations of Europe, we might observe, that 
 Portugal and Spain are too ignorant and bigoted 
 for freedom, * populus vult decipi;'* that Russia is 
 too barbarous ; and Turkey, in all points, too de- 
 based, and too brutalized, to deserve to be free ; 
 for as the physically blind can have no light, so the 
 intellectually blind can have no liberty ; Germany, 
 inasmuch as she seems to merit freedom the most, 
 will probably first attain it ; but not by assassina- 
 tion ; for power uses the dungeon, when despair 
 uses the dagger. In England, we enjoy quite as 
 much liberty as we are worthy or capable of, if we 
 consider the strong and deep ramifications of that 
 corruption that pervades us. It is a corruption not 
 
 * The people are willing to be deceived. — Pun. 
 
74 LA CON. 
 
 restricted to the representative, but commencing 
 with the constituent ; and if the people are sold by 
 others, it is because they have first sold themselves 
 If mercy is doubly blessed, corruption is doubly 
 cursed ; cursed be it then, both ' in him that gives, 
 and in him that takes? for no man falls without a 
 stumbling-block, nor yields without a tempter. In 
 confirmation of what has been advanced above, we 
 might also add, that all national benefits, of which 
 liberty is the greatest, form as complete and visible 
 a part of God's moral administration already begun, 
 as those blessings that are particular and individu- 
 al ; we might even say, that the former, are more 
 promptly and punctually bestowed than the latter; 
 because nations, in their national capacity, can exist 
 only on earth ; and, therefore, it is on earth alone, 
 that as nations, they can be punished or rewarded ; 
 but individuals will exist in another state, and in 
 that they will meet a full and final retribution. It is 
 a moral obligation, therefore, on nations, to defend 
 their freedom, and by defending, to deserve it. 
 Noble minds, when struggling for their liberties, 
 often save themselves by their firmness, and always 
 inspire others by their example. Therefore, the 
 reign of terror to which France submitted, has been 
 more justly termed ' the reign of cowardice? One 
 knows not which most to execrate ; the nation that 
 could submit to suffer such atrocities, or that low 
 and bloodthirsty demagogue that could inflict them. 
 France, in succumbing to such a wretch as Robes- 
 pierre, exhibited not her patience, but her pusil- 
 lanimity. I have read of a king of Spain, who 
 having inadvertently expressed some compassion 
 for one of the victims at an auto defe, was con- 
 demned to lose one quart of his blood, which the 
 
LA CON. 75 
 
 inquisitor-general insisted should be publicly burnt 
 by the hands of the common hangman, in the great 
 square of Madrid. Here again, we know not 
 which most to despise, the monarch that could sub- 
 mit to such a sentence, or the proud priest that 
 could pronounce it ; and the most galling of ail fet- 
 ters, those riveted by superstition, well befitted that 
 people, that could tamely behold such an insult 
 offered to their king. This then seems to be the 
 upshot of what has been advanced, that liberty is 
 the highest blessing that a nation can enjoy ; that 
 it must be first deserved before it can be enjoyed, and 
 that it is the truest interest of the prince, no less 
 than of the people, to employ all just and honest 
 means, that it may be both deserved and enjoyed. 
 But as civil liberty is the greatest blessing, so civil 
 discord is the greatest curse, that can befall a 
 nation ; and a people should be as cautious of 
 straining their privilege, as a prince his prerogative ; 
 for the true friend of both, knows that either, if 
 they submit to encroachments to-day, are only pre- 
 paring for themselves greater evils for to-morrow — 
 humiliation or resistance. But as corruption can- 
 not thrive where none will submit to be corrupted, 
 so also oppression cannot prosper, where none will 
 submit to be enslaved. Rome had ceased to be 
 tenanted by Romans, or Nero would not have dared 
 to amuse himself with his fiddle, nor Caligula with 
 his horse. 
 
 There are many books, written by many men, 
 from which two truths only are discoverable by 
 the readers ; namely, that the writers thereof 
 wanted two things — principle and preferment 
 
76 LACON 
 
 Pride, like the magnet, constantly points to one 
 object, self ; but unlike the magnet, it has no at* 
 tractive pole, but at all points repels. 
 
 Men are born with two eyes, but with one tongue, 
 in order that they should see twice as much as 
 they say ; but, from their conduct one would sup- 
 pose that they were born with two tongues, and 
 one eye ; for those talk the most, who have ob- 
 served the least, and obtrude their remarks upon 
 every thing, who have seen into nothing. 
 
 Reform is a good, replete with paradox ; it is a 
 cathartic which our political quacks, like our med 
 ical, recommend to others, but will not take them, 
 selves ; it is admired by all who cannot effect it, 
 and abused by all who can ; it is thought pregnant 
 with danger, for all time that is present, but would 
 have been extremely profitable for that which is 
 past, and will be highly salutary for that which is 
 to come ; therefore it has been thought expedient 
 for all administrations which have been, or that will 
 be, but by any particular one which is, it is con- 
 sidered, like Scotch grapes, to be very seldom ripe, 
 and by the time it is so, to be quite out of season. 
 
 As in literature we shall find some things thai 
 are true, and some that are new, but very few 
 things that are both true and new ; so also in life, 
 we shall find some men that are great, and some 
 that are good, but very few men that are both great 
 and good ; ' Hoc opus, hie labo*" est.'* 
 
 * This is the labour, this the toil. — Pub. 
 
LACON, 77 
 
 It is not so difficult a task to plant new truths, as 
 to root out old errors ; for there is this paradox in 
 men, they run after that which is new, but are pre- 
 judiced in favour of that which is old. Home 
 Tooke* obtained a double triumph over the Hermes 
 of Mr. Harris, for he not only extirpated old errors, 
 but planted new truths in their place. He came to 
 the ' Terra Incognita? as the settler to an unculti- 
 vated tract. He found the soil as dark with error, 
 and as stubborn with prejudice, as that of the forest 
 with trees and with roots ; he had to clear, before 
 he could cultivate, and to smooth before he could 
 sow. 
 
 Theory is worth but little, unless it can explain 
 its own phenomena, and it must effect this with 
 out contradicting itself; therefore, the facts are 
 sometimes assimilated to the theory, rather than 
 the theory to the facts. Most theorists may be 
 compared to the grandfather of the great Frede- 
 
 * This gentleman's political principles were too violent 
 and too gloomy ; but all parties will give their suffrages 
 to the brilliancy of his talents, and his grammatical labours 
 cannot be appreciated too highly. An English Dictionary 
 from such hands would have been indeed a treasure. I 
 have elsewhere observed, that we put up with Johnson's 
 Dictionary for want of a better, as a mal-government is 
 better than a state of total confusion. Dr. Johnson reversed 
 the sneer passed upon lexicographers, for he is more often 
 wrong in his comprehension of one word than of two put 
 together. But when we consider that the * Diversions of 
 Purley' proceeded from the same pen that beat Junius at 
 his own weapons, we then know not which most to admire, 
 the author's knowledge of single words, or of words put 
 together. The critics could not quite forget his politics in 
 their appreciation of his powers, and there were some who 
 would have broken his head, if they could have done it 
 without exposing his brains. 
 
 7* 
 
78 LACON. 
 
 rick, who was wont to amuse himself, during his 
 hvs of the gout, by painting likenesses of his gren- 
 ad.ers , if the picture did not happen to resemble 
 iLe grenadier, he settled the matter by painting 
 he grenadier to the picture. To change the illus- 
 tration, we might say, that theories may be admired 
 for the ingenuity that has been displayed in build- 
 ing them ; but they are better for a lodging than 
 ^ habitation, because the scaffolding is often stronger 
 than the house, and the prospects continually liable 
 to be built out by some opposite speculator ; nei- 
 ther are these structures very safe in stormy 
 weather, and are in need of constant repair, which 
 can never be accomplished without much trouble, 
 and always at a great expense of truth. Of modern 
 theorists, Gall and Spurzheim are too ridiculous 
 even to be laughed at ; we admire Locke and 
 Hartley, for the profundity and ingenuity of their 
 illustrations ; and Lavater for his plausibility ; but 
 none of them for their solidity. Locke, however, 
 was an exception to this paradox so generally to 
 be observed in theorists, who, like Lord Monboddo, 
 are the most credulous of men with respect to 
 what confirms theory, but perfect infidels as to any 
 facts that oppose it. Mr. Locke, I believe, had no 
 opinions which he would not most readily exchange 
 for truth. A traveller showed Lavater two por- 
 traits ; the one of a highwayman who had been 
 broken upon a wheel, the other was the portrait of 
 Kant the philosopher ; he was desired to distin- 
 guish between them. Lavater took up the portrait 
 of the highwayman, after attentively considering it 
 for some time, ' Here,' says he, ' we have the true 
 philosopher, here is penetration in the eye, and 
 reflection in the forehead ; here is cause, and there 
 
L A C O N 79 
 
 is effect , here is combination, there is distinction ; 
 synthetic lips ! and an analytic nose !' Then turning 
 to the portrait of the philosopher, he exclaims, * The 
 calm thinking villain is so well expressed, and so 
 strongly marked in this countenance, that it needs 
 no comment.' This anecdote Kant used to tell 
 with great glee. Dr. Darwin informs us, that tho 
 reason why the bosom of a beautiful woman is an 
 object of such peculiar delight, arises from hence ; 
 that all our first pleasurable sensations of warmth, 
 sustenance, and repose, are derived from this inte- 
 resting source. This theory had a fair run, until 
 some one happened to reply, that all who were 
 brought up by hand, had derived their first pleasu- 
 rable sensations from a very different source, and yet 
 that not one of all these had ever been known to 
 evince any very rapturous or amatory emotions at 
 the sight of a wooden spoon ! ! 
 
 It is better to be laughed at, than ruined ; bettei 
 to have a wife, who, like Martial's Mamurra, 
 cheapens every thing, and buys nothing, than to be 
 empoverished by one whose vanity will purchase 
 every thing, but whose pride will cheapen nothing. 
 
 He that can charm a whole company by singing, 
 and at the age of thirty, has no cause to regret so 
 dangerous a gift, is a very extraordinary, and I mav 
 add, a very fortunate man. 
 
 Those characters, who, like Ventidius, spring 
 from the very dregs of society, and going through 
 every gradation of life, continue like him, to rise 
 with every change, and who never quit a single step 
 in the ladder, except it be to gain a higher one. 
 
SO LAC ON. 
 
 these men are superior to fortune, and know how 
 to enjoy her caresses without being the slaves of 
 her caprice. But those with whom she can com- 
 plete the circle, whom she can elevate from the 
 lowest stations into the highest, detrude their 
 again, and lastly leave them where she found them, 
 these are the roturicrs, that only serve to make hei 
 sport ; they are her mines, and her pantomimes, 
 her harlequins, and her buffoons. 
 
 In answering an opponent, arrange your ideas, 
 but not your words : consider in what points things 
 that resemble, differ ; and in what those things that 
 differ, resemble ; reply with wit to gravity, and 
 with gravity to wit ; make a full concession to 
 your adversary, and give him every credit for those 
 arguments you know you can answer, and slur 
 over those you feel you cannot ; but above all, 
 if he have the privilege of making his reply, lake 
 especial care that the strongest thing you have to 
 urge is the last. He must immediately get up and 
 say something, and if he be not previously pre- 
 pared with an answer to your last argument, he 
 will infallibly be boggled, for very few possess 
 that remarkable talent of Charles Fox, who could 
 talk on one thing, and at the same time think of 
 another. 
 
 A great mind may change its objects, but it can 
 not relinquish them; it must have something to 
 pursue : Variety is its relaxation, and amusement 
 its repose. 
 
 Our very best friends have a tincture of jealousy 
 even in their friendship ; and when they hear us 
 
LACON, 81 
 
 praised by others, will ascribe it to sinister and 
 interested motives if they can. 
 
 That historian who would describe a favourite 
 character, as faultless, raises another at the expense 
 of himself. Zeuxis made five virgins contribute 
 their charms to his single picture of Helen ; and it 
 is as vain foi the moralist to look for perfection in 
 the mind, as for the painter to expect to find it in 
 the body. In fact, the sad realities of life give us 
 no great cause to be proud either of our minds, or 
 of our bodies ; but we can conceive in both, the pos- 
 sibility of much greater excellence than exists. 
 The statue of the Belvidere Apollo, is quite as 
 likely to be married, as he that will have no wife 
 until he can discover a woman that equals the 
 Venus of Cleomenes. 
 
 Always suspect a man who affects great softness 
 of manner, an unruffled evenness of temper, and 
 an enunciation studied, slow, and deliberate. These 
 things are all unnatural, and bespeak a degree of 
 mental discipline into which he that has no pur- 
 poses of craft or design to answer, cannot submit to 
 drill himself. The most successful knaves are 
 usually of this description, as smooth as razors 
 dipped in oil, and as sharp. — They affect the inno- 
 cence of the dove, which they have not, in order 
 to hide the cunning of the serpent, which they 
 have. 
 
 Laboured letters, written like those of Pope, 
 yet apparently in all the ease of private confidence, 
 but which the writer meant one day to publish, may 
 be compared to that dishabille in which a beauty 
 
82 LA CON. 
 
 would wish you to believe you have surprised her, 
 after spending three hours at her toilet. 
 
 That country where the clergy have the mo3t 
 influence, and use it with the most moderation, is 
 England. 
 
 The most ridiculous of all animals is a proud 
 priest ; he cannot use his own tools, without cut- 
 ting his own fingers 
 
 He that will have no books but those that are 
 scarce, evinces about as correct a taste in litera- 
 ture, as he would do in friendship, who would have 
 no friends, but those whom all the rest of the 
 world have sent to Coventry. 
 
 To excel others is a proof of talent ; but to 
 know when to conceal that superiority, is a greater 
 proof of prudence. The celebrated orator Domi 
 tius Afer, when attacked in a set speech by 
 Caligula, made no reply, affecting to be entirely 
 overcome by the resistless eloquence of the tyrant. 
 Had he replied, he would certainly have conquer- 
 ed, and as certainly have died ; but he wisely pre- 
 ferred a defeat that saved his life, to a victory that 
 would have cost it. 
 
 It proceeds rather from revenge than malice, 
 when we hear a man affirm that all the world are 
 knaves. For before a man draws this conclusion 
 of the world, the world has usually anticipated him, 
 and concluded all this of him who makes the 
 observation. Such men may be compared to 
 Brothers the prophet, who, on being asked how ho 
 
LA CON. 83 
 
 came to be clapped up into Bedlam, replied, I 
 and the world happened to have a slight difference 
 of opinion ; the world said I was mad, and I said 
 the world was mad ; I was outvoted, and here I am 
 
 Villains are usually the worst casuists, and rush 
 into greater crimes to avoid less. Henry the eighth 
 committed murder to avoid the imputation of adul- 
 tery ; and in our times, those who commit the latte"' 
 crime attempt to wash off the stain of seducing the 
 wife, by signifying their readiness to shoot the 
 husband! 
 
 Very great personages are not likely to form 
 very just estimates, either of others or of them- 
 selves ; their knowledge of themselves, is obscured 
 by the flattery of others ; their knowledge of others, 
 is equally clouded by circumstances peculiar to 
 themselves. For in the presence of the great, the 
 modest are sure to suffer from too much diffidence, 
 and the confident from too much display. Sir 
 Robert Walpole has affirmed, that the greatest dif- 
 ficulty he experienced in finding out others, was 
 the necessity which his high situation imposed 
 upon him, of concealing himself. Great men, 
 however, are in one respect to be blamed, and in 
 another, to be pitied. They are to be blamed for 
 bestowing their rewards on the servile, while they 
 give the independent only their praise. They are 
 to be pitied, inasmuch as they can only view things 
 through the moral obfuscation of flattery, which, 
 like the telescope, can diminish at one end and 
 magnify at the other. And hence it happens, that 
 this vice, though it may be rewarded for a time, 
 usually meets with its punishment in the end. For 
 
84 LAC ON. 
 
 the sycophant begins by treating his patron as 
 something more than a man, and ihe patron very 
 naturally finishes, by treating the sycophant as 
 something less. 
 
 I think it is Warburton, who draws a very just 
 distinction between a man of true greatness, and a 
 mediocrist. ' If,' says he, ' you want to recom- 
 mend yourself to the former, take care that he 
 quits your society with a good opinion of you ; if 
 your object is to please the latter, take care that he 
 leaves you with a good opinion of himself? 
 
 The most notorious swindler has not assumed 
 so many names as self-love, nor is so much ashamed 
 of his own. She calls herself patriotism, when at 
 the same time she is rejoicing at just as much 
 calamity to her native country, as will introduce 
 herself into power, and expel her rivals. Dodding- 
 ton who may be termed one of her darling sons, 
 confesses in his Diary, that the source of all oppo- 
 sition is resentment, or interest, a resolution to pull 
 down those who have offended us, without consid- 
 ering consequences ; a steady and unvarying at- 
 tention to propose every thing that is specious, but 
 impracticable ; to deprecate every thing that is 
 blameless ; to exaggerate every thing that is 
 blameable, until the people desire, and the crown 
 consents, to dismiss those that are in office, and to 
 admit those that are out. There are some patriots 
 of the present day, who would find it as difficult to 
 imitate Sheridan in his principles, as they would in 
 his wit; and his noble conduct during the mutiny- 
 at the Nore, will cover a multitude of sins. There 
 are moments, when all minor considerations ou&ht 
 
LA CON. 85 
 
 to yield to the public safety, ' Cavendum est ne quid 
 darnni capiat Respublica. 1 * And the opposition of 
 this, or any country, might take a useful hint from 
 what was observed in the Roman senate. While 
 a question was under debate, every one was at 
 freedom to advance his objections, but the question 
 being once determined on, it became the acknow- 
 ledged duty of every member to support the majo- 
 rity ; Quod jAuribus placuisset cunctis tuendum.'f 
 
 Pleasure is to women, what the sun is to the 
 flower : if moderately enjoyed, it beautifies, it 
 refreshes, and it improves ; if immoderately, it 
 withers, deteriorates, and destroys. But the duties 
 of domestic life, exercised as they must be in re- 
 tirement, and calling forth all the sensibilities of 
 the female, are perhaps as necessary to the full 
 development of her charms, as the shade and the 
 shower are to the rose, confirming its beauty, and 
 increasing its fragrance. 
 
 If dissimulation is ever to be pardoned, it is that 
 which men have recourse to, in order to obtain 
 situations which may enlarge their sphere of gene- 
 ral usefulness, and afford the power of benefiting 
 their country, to those who must have been other- 
 wise contented only with the will. — Liberty was 
 more effectually befriended by the dissimulation of 
 one Brutus, than by the dagger of the other. But 
 such precedents are to be adopted but rarely, and 
 u ore rarely to be advised. For a Cromwell is a 
 much more common character than a Brutus ; and 
 
 * Take care that the Republic receive no detriment. —Tub. 
 
 * The will of tie majority shcndd be respected by all.-- Pur 
 
 8 
 
8D uACON. 
 
 many men who have gained power by an hypocrisy 
 as gross as that of Pope Sixtux, have not used it 
 half so well. This pope, when cardinal, counter- 
 feited sickness, and all the infirmities of age, so 
 well, as to dupe the whole conclave. His name 
 was Montalto ; and on a division for the vacant 
 apostolic chair, he was elected as a stop-gap by 
 both parties, under the idea that he could not pos 
 sibly live out the year. The moment he war 
 chosen, he threw away his crutches, and began tG 
 sing Te Deum with a much stronger voice than hia 
 electors had bargained for ; and instead of walking 
 with a tottering step, and a gait almost bending to 
 the earth, he began to walk, not only firm, but per 
 fectly upright. On some one remarking to him on 
 this sudden change, he observed, while I was look- 
 ing for the keys of St. Peter, it was necessary to 
 stoop, but having found them, the case is altered. 
 It is but justice to add, that he made a most excel- 
 lent use of his authority and power ; and although 
 some may have obtained the papal chair by less 
 objectionable means, none have filled it with more 
 credit to themselves, and satisfaction to others. 
 
 It has been said, that to excel them in wit, is a 
 thing the men find it the most difficult to pardon in 
 women. This feeling, if it produce only emula- 
 tion, is right, if envy, it is wrong. For a high de- 
 gree of intellectual refinement in the female, is the 
 surest pledge society can have for the improve 
 merit of the male. But wit in women is a jewel, 
 which, unlike all others, borrows lustre from its 
 setting, rather than bestows it ; since nothing is so 
 easy as to fancy a very beautiful woman extremely 
 witty. Even Madame de Stael admits that she 
 
LACON. 87 
 
 discovered, as she grew old, the men could not rind 
 out that wit in her at fifty, which she possessed at 
 twenty-five; and yet the external attractions of 
 this lady, were by no means equal to those of her 
 mind. 
 
 That politeness which we put on, in order to 
 keep the assuming and the presumptuous at a pro- 
 per distance, will generally succeed. But it some- 
 times happens, that these obtrusive characters are 
 on such excellent terms with themselves, that they 
 put down this very politeness to the score of their 
 own great merits and high pretensions, meeting 
 the coldness of our reserve, with a ridiculous con- 
 descension of familiarity, in order to set us at ease 
 with ourselves. To a bystander, few things are 
 more amusing, than the cross play, underplot, and 
 final eclaircissements, which this mistake invariably 
 occasions. 
 
 England, with a criminal code the most bloody, 
 and a civil code the most expensive in Europe, 
 can, notwithstanding, boast of more happiness and 
 freedom than any other country under heaven. 
 The reason is, that despotism, and all its minor 
 ramifications of discretionary power, lodged in the 
 hands of individuals, is utterly unknown. The laws 
 are supreme. 
 
 The Christian does not pray to be delivered from 
 glory, but from vain-glory. He also is ambitious 
 of glory, and a candidate for honour ; but glory, in 
 whose estimation ? honour, in whose judgment ? 
 Not of those, whose censures can take nothing 
 from his innocence ; whose approbation can take 
 
88 LAC ON, 
 
 nothing from his guilt ; whose opinions are as flcklo 
 as their actions, and their lives as transitory as 
 their praise ; who cannot search his heart, seeing 
 that they are ignorant of their own. The Christian 
 then seeks his glory in the estimation, and his 
 honour in the judgment of Him alone, who, 
 
 1 From the bright Empyrean where he sits, 
 High throned above all height, casts down his eye, 
 His own works, and man's works, at once to view.' 
 
 The great Remora to any improvement in our 
 civil code, is the reduction that such reform must 
 produce in the revenue. The law's delay, bills of 
 revival, rejoinder, and renewal, empty the stamp 
 office of stamps, the pockets of plaintiff and de- 
 fendant of their money, but unfortunately they fill 
 the exchequer. Some one has said, that injustice, 
 if it be speedy, would, in certain cases, be more 
 desirable than justice, if it be slow ; and although 
 we hear much of the glorious uncertainty of the 
 law, yet all who have tried it will find, to their cost, 
 that it can boast of two certainties, expense and 
 delay. When I see what strong temptations there 
 are that government should sympathize with the 
 judge, the judge with the counsellor, and the coun- 
 sellor with the attorney, in throwing every possible 
 embarrassment in the way of legal despatch and 
 decision, and when I weigh the humble, but com 
 parative insignificant interests of the mere plaintiff 
 or defendant, against this combined array of talent, 
 of influence, and power, I am no longer astonished 
 at the prolongation of suits, and I wonder only a. 
 their termination.* 
 
 * Mr. Jeremy Bentham considers litigation a great evil, 
 and deems it the height of cruelty, to load a lawsuit, which 
 
L A C O N . 89 
 
 It has been asked, which are the greatest minds, 
 and to which do we owe the greatest reverence : 
 to those, who, by the powerful deductions of rea- 
 son, and the well known suggestions of analogy, 
 have made profound discoveries in the science, as 
 it were ' a priori?'* or to those, who, by the patient 
 road of experiment, and the subsequent improve- 
 ment of instruments, have brought these discoveries 
 to perfection, as it were ' a posteriori ;' who have 
 rendered that certain, which before was only con- 
 jectural, practical, which was problematical, safe, 
 which was dangerous, and subservient, which was 
 unmanageable ? It would seem that the first class, 
 demand our admiration, and the second, our grati- 
 tude. Seneca predicted another hemisphere, but 
 Columbus presented us with it. He that standing 
 on the shore, foretells with truth, many of the un- 
 discovered treasures of the ocean of science, even 
 
 :s one evil, with taxation, which is another. It would be 
 quite as fair, he thinks, to tax a man for being ill, by enact- 
 ing that no physician should write a prescription without 
 a stamp. Mr. Pitt, on the contrary, considered a lawsuit a 
 luxury, and held that, like other luxuries, it ought to be 
 taxed. ' Westminster Hall.' said he, ' is as open to any 
 man, as the London Tavern ;' to which Mr. Sheridan re- 
 plied, ' he that entered either without money, would meet 
 with a very scurvy reception.' Some will say that the heavy 
 expenses of law prevent the frequency of lawsuits, but the 
 practice does not confirm the theory. Others will say that 
 they originate from men of obstinate and quarrelsome dis- 
 positions, and that such ought to suffer for their folly. There, 
 \vould be something in this, provided, it were not necessary 
 for a wise man to take a shield, when a fool has taken a 
 *word. Lawsuits, indeed, do generally originate with the 
 >bstiiial3 and the ignorant, but they do not end with them; 
 and that lawyer was right, who left all his money to the 
 >upport of an asylum for fools and lunatics, saying from 
 such he received it, and to such he woiiwd bequeath it. 
 S* 
 
SO LAC ON. 
 
 before the vessel that is to navigate it, can *»- fully 
 equipped for the voyage, gives us a convincing 
 proof of exalted wisdom and of profound penetra- 
 tion. But he that builds the vessel of experi- 
 ment, and actually navigates the wide ocean of 
 science, who, neither intimidated by the risk of 
 failure, nor the expense of the outfit, realizes all 
 that the other had only imagined, and returning 
 laden with the stores of knowledge, communicates 
 liberally, that which he has won so laudably, surely, 
 the attainments of such a man are as fully entitled 
 to our gratitude, as the anticipations of the other 
 to our admiration. Sir Isaac Newton predicted, 
 that both water and the diamond would be found to 
 have an inflammable base, if ever they could be 
 analyzed, a thing at that time uneffected. He was 
 led to this conclusion, by observing that all bodies 
 possessed of high refractive powers, had an inflam 
 mable base, and water and the diamond have those 
 powers in a high degree. Subsequent experimen- 
 talists have succeeded in analyzing both these sub- 
 stances ; pure carbon is the base of the diamond, 
 and hydrogen, the most inflammable of all airs, is 
 the base of water. 
 
 When Copernicus promulgated his planetary 
 system, it was objected to it, that Mars and Venus 
 ought to appear to us to be much greater at some 
 periods than at others, because they would be nearer 
 to the earth by so many diameters ; but no such 
 difference was apparent. The objection was solid, 
 and Copernicus modestly replied, ' that it might be 
 owing to the greatness of their distance.' Tele- 
 scopes were discovered, and then it was found that 
 he was right, and knowledge changed that into a 
 confirmation, which ignorance had advanced as an 
 
LA CON. 9 
 
 objection. Kant also, in modern times, predicted 
 by analogy those planets beyond Saturn, which 
 Herschell and others have now discovered by ob- 
 servation. Kant had observed, that nature has no 
 chasm in the links of her operations ; that she acts 
 TiOt per saltum* but pedetentim et gradatimfi and 
 that the planetary world could not be made to 
 approximate to, and as it were, shake hands with 
 the cometary, unless there were some planets supe- 
 rior to Saturn, having their orbits still more eccen- 
 tric, and filling that abyss of unoccupied space, 
 which would otherwise exist between the most 
 eccentric of the planets, and the least eccentric of 
 the comets. This was affirmed by Kant, before 
 HerschelPs forty feet reflector was brought to prove 
 by observation, what he had anticipated by anal- 
 ogy. But it is a mortifying truth, and ought to 
 teach the wisest of us humility, that many of the 
 most valuable discoveries have been the result of 
 chance, rather than of contemplation, and of acci- 
 dent rather than of design. 
 
 Hypocrisy is a cruel stepmother, an ' injusta 
 noverccfi to the honest, whom she cheats of their 
 birthright, in order to confer it on knaves, to 
 whom she is indeed a mother. ' Verily they have 
 their reward.'' Let them enjoy it, but not accuse 
 the upright, of an ignorance of the world, which 
 might be more fairly retorted on the accuser. He 
 that knows a little of the world, w r ill admire il 
 
 * At a leap. — Pcb. 
 
 t Step by step, and by degrees. — Pub. 
 
 X A partial stepmother.- Pu b. 
 
02 LA CON. 
 
 enough to fall down and worship it ; but he that 
 knows it most, will most despise it. ' Tinnit, inane 
 
 est:* 
 
 Repartee is perfect, when it effects its purpose 
 with a double edge. Repartee is the highest or- 
 der of wit, as it bespeaks the coolest, yet quickest 
 exercise of genius, at a moment when the passions 
 are roused. Voltaire, on hearing the name of 
 Haller mentioned to him by an English traveller at 
 Ferncy, burst forth into a violent panegyric upon 
 him ; his visiter told him that such praise was most 
 disinterested, for that Haller by no means spoke so 
 highly of him. ' Well, well, nHmporteJ replied 
 Voltaire, ' perhaps we are both mistaken.' 
 
 Pain may be said to follow pleasure as its sha- 
 dow ; but the misfortune is, that in this particular 
 case, the substance belongs to the shadow, the emp- 
 tiness to its cause. 
 
 By privileges, immunities, or prerogatives to 
 give unlimited swing to the passions of individu- 
 als, and then to hope that they will restrain them, 
 is about as reasonable, as to expect that the tiger 
 will spare the hart, to browse upon the herbage. 
 
 A man who knows the world, will not only make 
 the most of every thing he does know, but of many 
 things he does not know, and will gain more credit 
 by his adroit mode of hiding his ignorance than 
 the pedant by his awkward attempt to exhibit his 
 
 * It ?-iigs } for it is empty. — Pub. 
 
LA CON. 93 
 
 erudition. In Scotland, the 'jus et norma loqut'ndf* 
 has made it the fashion to pronounce the law term 
 tur tor, cur tor. Lord Mansfield gravely corrected 
 a certain Scotch barrister when in court, repre- 
 hending what appeared to English usage a false 
 quantity, by repeating, ' cur tor, sir, if you please ' 
 The barrister immediately replied, 'I am happy to be 
 corrected by so great an or tor as your lordship P 
 
 Ambition makes the same mistake concerning 
 power, that avarice makes concerning wealth : she 
 begins by accumulating power, as a means to hap- 
 piness, and she finishes by continuing to accumu- 
 late it as an end. Ambition is in fact, the avarice 
 of power, and happiness herself is soon sacrificed 
 to that very lust of dominion, which was first encou- 
 raged only as the best mode of obtaining it. Hyder, 
 like Richard the Third, was observed by one of his 
 most familiar companions, Gholaum All, to start 
 frequently in his sleep; he once took the liberty to 
 ask this despot ' of what he had been dreaming V 
 1 My friend,' replied Hyder, ■ the state of a beggar 
 is more delightful than my envied monarchy ; awake, 
 they see no conspirators ; asleep, they dream of no 
 assassins.' But ambition will indulge no other 
 passions as her favourites, still less will she bear 
 with them as rivals ; but as her vassals, she can 
 employ them, or dismiss them at her will ; she is 
 cold, because with her all is calculation ; she is sys- 
 tematic, because she makes every thing centre in 
 herself; and she regards policy too much, to have 
 the slightest respect to persons. Cruelty or com- 
 passion, hatred or love, revenge or forbearance, are 
 
 * The ruU and laxo of elocution. — Pub 
 
94 LACON. 
 
 io her votaries, instruments rather than influences, 
 and msans rather than motives. These passions 
 form indeed the disturbing forces of weaker minds, 
 not unfrequently opposing their march and impe- 
 ding their progress ; but ambition overrules these 
 passions, and drawing them into the resistless 
 sphere of her own attraction, she converts them 
 into satellites, subservient to her career and aug- 
 mentative of her splendour.* Yet ambition has not 
 so wide a horizon as some have supposed : It is a 
 horizon that embraces probabilities always, but 
 impossibilities never. 
 
 Cromwell followed little events before he ven- 
 tured to govern great ones ; and Napoleon never 
 sighed for the sceptre, until he had gained the trun- 
 cheon; nor dreamt of the imperial diadem, until 
 he had first conquered a crown. None of those 
 who gaze at the height of a successful usurper, are 
 more astonished at his sudden elevation, than he 
 himself who has attained it ; but even he was led 
 to it by degrees, since no man aspires to that which 
 is entirely beyond his reach. Caligula was the 
 only tyrant who was ever suspected of longing for 
 the moon ; a proof of his madness, not of his ambi- 
 tion : and if little children are observed to cry for 
 the moon, it is because they fancy they can touch 
 it ; it is beyond their desire, the moment they have 
 discovered that it is beyond their reach. 
 
 God will excuse our prayers for ourselves, when- 
 ever we are prevented from them by being occu- 
 pied by such good works as will entitle us to the 
 prayers of others. 
 
 * Sylla was an exception to this rule ; ambition in him 
 was subordinate to revenge. 
 
LAG ON. 95 
 
 Pride often miscalculates, and more often mis- 
 conceives. The proud man places himself at a 
 distance from other men ; seen through that dis- 
 tance, others perhaps appear little to him ; but he 
 forgets that this very distance, causes him to appear 
 equally little to others. 
 
 The truly great, consider first, how they may 
 ^ain the approbation of God ; and secondly, that 
 of their own conscience ; having done this, they 
 would then willingly conciliate the good opinion of 
 their fellow-men. But the truly little, reverse the 
 thing ; the primary object with them is to secure 
 the applause of their fellow-men, and having ef- 
 fected this, the approbation of God and their own 
 conscience may follow on as they can. 
 
 There are some benefits which may be so con- 
 ferred as to become the very refinement of revenge ; 
 and there are some evils, which we had rather bear 
 in sullen silence than be relieved from at the 
 expense of our pride. In the reign of Abdallah 
 the Third, there was a great drought at Bagdad ; 
 the Mohammedan doctors issued a decree that the 
 prayers of the faithful should be offered up for rain ; 
 the drought continued; the Jews were then per- 
 mitted to add their prayers to those of the true 
 believers ; the supplications of both were ineffec- 
 tual ; as famine stared them in the face, those dogs, 
 the Christians, were at length enjoined also to pray ; 
 it so happened that torrents of rain immediately 
 followed. The whole conclave, with the Mufti at 
 their head, were now as indignant at the cessation 
 of the drought, as they were before alarmed at its 
 continuance. Some explanation was necessary to 
 
96 L A C ON 
 
 the people, and a holy convocation was held ; the 
 members of it came to this unanimous determina- 
 tion : That the God of their Prophet was highly 
 gratified by the prayers of the faithful ; that they 
 were as incense and as sweet smelling savom 
 unto him, and that he refused their requests that he 
 might prolong the pleasure of listening to their sup- 
 plications ; but that the prayers of those Christian 
 infidels were an abomination to the Deity, and thai 
 he granted their petitions, the sooner to get rid of 
 their loathsome importunities ! 
 
 Commenting lore makes a mighty parade, and 
 builds a lofty pile of erudition, raised up like the 
 pyramids, only to embalm some mouldering mum- 
 my of antiquity, utterly unworthy of so laborious 
 and costly a mode of preservation. With very few 
 exceptions, commentators would have been much 
 better employed in cultivating some sense for them- 
 selves, than in attempting to explain the nonsense 
 of others. How can they hope to make us under- 
 stand a Plato, or an Aristotle, in cases wherein it 
 is quite evident that neither of these philosophers 
 understood themselves ? The head of a certain 
 college at Oxford was asked by a stranger, what 
 was the motto of the arms of that university ? He 
 told him that it was ' Dominus illuminatio mea. y * 
 But he also candidly informed the stranger, that in 
 his private opinion, a motto more appropriate might 
 be found in these words. — ' Aristoteles meat tene* 
 
 * 77te Lord my light. — Pub. 
 t Aristotle my darkness. — Pub. 
 
LACON. 9? 
 
 There are two things that speak, as with a voice 
 irom heaven, that He who fills the eternal throne, 
 must be on the side of virtue, and what he be- 
 friends must finally prosper and prevail. The first 
 is, that the bad are never completely happy and at 
 ease, although possessed of every thing that this 
 world can bestow ; and that the good are never 
 completely miserable, although deprived of every 
 thing that this world can take away. For there is 
 one reflection which will obtrude itself, which the 
 best would not, and which the worst cannot dis- 
 miss ; that the time is fast approaching to both of 
 them, when, if they have gained the favour of God, 
 it matters little what else they have lost, but if 
 they have lost his favour, it matters little what else 
 they have gained. The second argument in sup- 
 port of the ultimate superiority of virtue is this : 
 We are so framed and constituted, that the most 
 vicious cannot but pay a secret, though unwilling 
 homage to virtue, inasmuch, as the worst men 
 cannot bring themselves thoroughly to esteem a 
 bad man, although he may be their dearest friend, 
 nor can they thoroughly despise a good man, 
 although he may be their bitterest enemy. From 
 this inward esteem for virtue, which the noblest 
 cherish, and which the basest cannot expel, it fol- 
 lows that virtue is the only bond of union, on which 
 we can thoroughly depend. — Even differences of 
 opinion on minor points, cannot shake those com- 
 binations which have virtue for their foundation, 
 and truth for their end. Such friendships, like 
 those of Luther and Melancthon, should they cease 
 to be friendships of agreement, will continue to be 
 friendships of alliance ; approaching each other 
 by angular lines, when they no longer proceed to- 
 9 
 
98 LAC ON. 
 
 getlier by parallel, and meeting at last in one com- 
 mon centre, the good of the cause in which they 
 nre embarked. 
 
 Murmur at nothing ; if our ills are reparable, it 
 is ungrateful ; if remediless it is vain. A Christian 
 builds his fortitude on a better foundation than 
 Stoicism ; he is pleased with every thing that 
 happens, because he knows it could not happen 
 unless it had fh t pleased God, and that which 
 pleases him must 3e the best. He is assured that 
 no new thing can befall him, and that he is in the 
 hands of a father who will prove him with no 
 affliction that resignation cannot conquer, or that 
 death cannot cure. 
 
 It is a mistake, that a lust for power is the mark 
 of a great mind ; for even the weakest have been 
 captivated by it; and for minds of the highest 
 order, it has no charms. They seek a nobler 
 empire within their own breast ; and He that best 
 knew what was in man, would have no earthly 
 crown, but one that was platted with thorns I 
 Cincinnatus and Washington were greater in their 
 retirement, than Cesar and Napoleon at the summit 
 of their ambition ; since it requires less magna- 
 nimity to win the conquest, than to refuse the spoil. 
 Lord Bacon has compared those who move in the 
 higher spheres to those heavenly bodies in the 
 firmament, which have much admiration, but little 
 rest. And it is not necessary to invest a wise man 
 with power, to convince him that it is a garment 
 bedizened with gold, which dazzles the beholder 
 by its splendour, but oppresses the wearer by its 
 weight. Besides, those who aspire to govern 
 
LACON 99 
 
 others, rather than themselves, must descend to 
 meanness which the truly noble cannot brook, nor 
 will such stoop to kiss the earth, although it were 
 like Brutus, for dominion !* 
 
 Erasmus candidly informs us, that he had not 
 courage enough for a martyr; and expresses his 
 fears, that he should imitate Peter in case of per- 
 secution : ' Non erat animus ob veritatem, capite, 
 periclitari ; non omnes ad martyrium satis habent 
 rob oris ; v ere or autem si quis mciderit tumultus, Pe- 
 Irum sim imitaturus.'f But if Erasmus Lad not 
 the courage to face danger, he had the firmness to 
 renounce honours and emoluments. He offered up 
 a daily sacrifice, denial, rather than a single sacri- 
 fice, death. He was a powerful agent in the cause 
 of truth, for his writings acted upon the public 
 
 * duo minus gloriam petebat, eo magis adsequebatur.* 
 When they invited Numa, (says Dion,) to the sovereign- 
 ty, he for some time refused it, and persisted long in his 
 resolution not to accept the invitation. But, at the pressing 
 instance of his brothers, and at last of his father, who 
 would not suffer him to reject the offer of so great an hon- 
 our, he consented to be a king. As soon as the Romans 
 were informed of all this by the ambassadors, they con- 
 ceived a great affection for him, before they saw him, es- 
 teeming it as a sufficient argument of his wisdom, that 
 while others valued royalty beyond measure, looking upon 
 it as the source of happiness, he alone despised it as a thing 
 of small value, and unworthy his attention, and when he 
 approached the city, met him upon the road, and with great 
 applause, salutations, and other honours, conducted him 
 into Rome. — Dio. H., B. II. 
 
 t I had not courage to hazard my life for the truth ; all have 
 not strength enough for martyrdom ; I fear if any tumult had 
 arisen, I should have imitated Peter. — Pub. 
 
 The less he sought for glory, the more surely he obtained it.-— Pub 
 
100 LACON 
 
 mind as alteratives upon the body, and giadually 
 prepared men to undergo the effects of the more 
 violent cathartics of Luther ; hence it was not un- 
 common to say, that Luther hatched the egg, but 
 that Erasmus had laid it. Had Erasmus been 
 brought to the stake, and recanted in that situation, 
 I question whether he would have found a better 
 salvo for his conscience, than that of Mustapha, a 
 Greek Christian of Constantinople. This man 
 was much respected by the Turks ; but a curiosity 
 he could not resist, induced him to run the hazard 
 of being present at some of the esoteric ceremonies 
 of the Moslem faith, to see which, is to incur the 
 penalty of death, unless the infidel should atone for 
 the offence by embracing the faith of Mahomet. 
 Mustapha chose the latter alternative, and thus 
 saved his life. As he was known to be a man of 
 strict integrity, he did not escape the remonstran- 
 ces of some of his former friends, to whom lie 
 made this excuse for his apostacy : * / thought it 
 better to trust a merciful God with my soul, than 
 those wretches with my body? 
 
 He that openly tells his friends, all that he thinks 
 of them, must expect that they will secretly tell 
 his enemies, much that they do not think of him. 
 
 The greatest friend of Truth is Time, her great 
 est enemy is Prejudice, and her constant compan 
 ion is Humility. 
 
 Did universal charity prevail, earth would be * 
 heaven, and hell a fable. 
 
LAC'ON. 101 
 
 How small a portion of our life it is, that we 
 really enjoy. In youth, we are looking forward to 
 things that are to come ; in old age, we are look- 
 ing backwards to things that are gone past ; in 
 manhood, although we appear indeed to be more 
 occupied in things that are present, yet even that 
 is too often absorbed in vague determinations to be 
 vastly happy on some future day, when we have 
 time. 
 
 In all governments, there must of necessity be 
 both the law and the sword ; laws without arms 
 would give us not liberty, but licentiousness ; and 
 arms without laws, would produce not subjection 
 but slavery. The law, therefore, should be unto 
 the sword, what the handle is to the hatchet ; it 
 should direct the stroke, and temper the force 
 
 ' And pride, vouchsafed to all, a common friend ' 
 
 The poet who wrote this line, evinced a pro- 
 found knowledge of human nature. It has been 
 well remarked, that it is on this principle that the 
 pangs felt by the jealous are the most intolerable, 
 because they are wounds inflicted on them through 
 their very shield, through that pride which is our 
 most common support even in our bitterest misfor- 
 tunes. This pride, which is as necessary an evil 
 in morals, as friction in mechanics, induces men to 
 reiterate their complaints of their own deficien- 
 cies, in every conceivable gift, except in that article 
 alone where such complaints would neither be 
 irrational nor groundless, namely, a deficiency in 
 understanding. Here it is, that self-conceit would 
 0* 
 
102 LACON. 
 
 conceal the disorder, and submit to the consequen- 
 ces, rather than permit the cure ; and Solomon is 
 the only example on record, of one who made wis- 
 dom the first and the last object of his desires, and 
 left the rest to heaven. Philosophers have widely 
 differed as to the seat of the soul, and St. Paul has 
 told us, that out of the heart proceed murmurings ; 
 but there can be no doubt that the seat of perfect 
 contentment is in the head ; for every individual is 
 thoroughly satisfied with his own proportion of 
 brains. Socrates was so well aware of this, that 
 he would not start as a teacher of truth, but as an 
 inquirer after it. As a teacher, he would have had 
 many disputers, but no disciples : he therefore 
 adopted the humbler mode of investigation, and 
 instilled his knowledge into others, under the mask 
 of seeking information from them. 
 
 If you have performed an act of great and dis- 
 interested virtue, conceal it ; if you publish it, you 
 will neither be believed here> nor rewarded here- 
 after. 
 
 Physical courage which despises all danger, 
 will make a man brave in one way, and moral cou- 
 rage, which despises all opinion, will make a man 
 brave in another. The former would seem most 
 necessary for the camp, the latter for the council ; 
 but to constitute a great man, both are necessary. 
 Napoleon accused Murat of a want of the one 
 and he himself has not been wholly unsuspected of 
 a want of the other. 
 
LACON. 103 
 
 There are two things that bestow consequence ; 
 great possessions or great debts.* Julius Cesar 
 consented to be millions of sesterces worse than 
 nothing, in order to be every thing ; he borrowed 
 large sums of his officers, to quell seditions in his 
 troops who had mutinied for want of pay, and thus 
 .orced his partisans to anticipate their own success 
 only through that of their commander. 
 
 Those who are prejudiced, or enthusiastic, live 
 and move, and think and act, in an atmosphere of 
 their own conformation. The delusion so produced 
 is sometimes deplorable, sometimes ridiculous, al- 
 ways remediless. No events are too great, or too 
 little, to be construed by such persons into peculiar 
 or providential corroboratives or consequences of 
 their own morbid hallucinations. An old maiden 
 lady, who was a most determined espouser of the 
 cause of the Pretender, happened to be possessed 
 of a beautiful canary bird, whose vocal powers 
 were the annoyance of one half of the neighbour 
 hood, and the admiration of the other. Lord Pe- 
 terborough was very solicitous to procure this bird, 
 as a present to a favourite female, who had set her 
 heart on being mistress of this little musical won- 
 der. Neither his lordship's entreaties nor his 
 bribes could prevail ; but so able a negotiator was 
 not easily foiled. He took an opportunity of 
 changing the bird, and of substituting another in 
 its cage during some lucky moment, when its vigi- 
 
 * The above remark is applicable to states, no less than 
 to individuals. A public debt is a kind of anchor in the 
 storm ; but if the anchor be too heavy for the vesse\, she 
 will be sunk by that very weight which was intended foi 
 her preservation. — Sapienta. verbuin sat. 
 
104 LACON. 
 
 lant protectress was off her guard. The change- 
 ling was precisely like the original, except in thai 
 particular respect which alone constituted its value ; 
 it was a perfect mute, and had more taste for seeds 
 than for songs. Immediately after this manoeuvre, 
 that battle which utterly ruined the hopes of the 
 Pretender, took place. A decent interval had 
 elapsed, when his lordship summoned resolution 
 to call again on the old lady; in order to smother 
 all suspicion of the trick he had played upon her, 
 he was about to afTect great anxiety for the pos- 
 session of the bird ; she saved him all trouble on 
 that score, by anticipating as she thought his 
 errand, exclaiming, ' Oho, my lord, then you are 
 come again, I presume, to coax me out or" my dear 
 little idol ; but it is all in vain ; he is now dearer to 
 me than ever ; I would not part with him for his 
 cage full of gold. Would you believe it. my lord ! 
 From the moment that his gracious sovereign was 
 defeated, the sweet little fellow has not uttered a 
 single note ! ! F — Mr. Lackington, the great book- 
 seller, when young, was locked up in order to pre- 
 vent his attendance at a methodist meeting in 
 Taunton. He informs us, that in a fit of supersti- 
 tion, he opened the Bible for directions what to do. 
 The very first words he hit upon were these : ' He 
 has given his angels charge over thee, lest at any time 
 thou dash thy foot against a stone? ' This,' says he, 
 ' was quite enough for me ; so without a moment's 
 hesitation, I ran up two pair of stairs to my own 
 room, and out of the window I leaped, to the grea\ 
 terror of m) poor mistress.' It appears that he en- 
 countered more angles in his fall than angels, as 
 he was most intolerably bruised, and being quite 
 unable to rise, was carried back, and put to bed 
 
LACON. 105 
 
 for a fortnight. ' I was ignorant enough,' says he, 
 1 to think that the Lord had not used me very well on 
 this occasion £ and it is most likely that he did not 
 put so high a trust in such presages for the future. 
 
 That writer who aspires to immortality, should 
 imitate the sculptor, if he would make the labours 
 of the pen as durable as those of the chisel. Like 
 the sculptor, he should arrive at ultimate perfection, 
 not by what he adds, but by what he takes away ; 
 otherwise all his energies may be hidden in the su- 
 perabundant mass of his matter, as the finished 
 form of an Apollo, in the unworked solidity of the 
 block. A friend called on Michael Angelo, who 
 was finishing a statue ; some time afterwards he 
 called again -. the sculptor was still at his work ; 
 his friend looking at the figure, exclaimed, ' Have 
 you been idle since I saw you last ?' ' By no 
 means,' replied the sculptor ; ' I have retouched 
 this part and polished that ; I have softened this 
 feature and brought out this muscle ; I have given 
 more expression to this lip, and more energy to 
 this limb.' l Well, well,' said* his friend, 6 all these 
 are trifles.' ' It may be so,' replied Angelo ; 'but 
 recollect that trifles make perfection, and that per- 
 fection is no trifle ' 
 
 If it be true, that men of strong imaginations are 
 usually dogmatists, and I am inclined to think it is 
 so, it ought to follow that men of weak imagina- 
 tions are the reverse : in which case we should 
 have some compensation for stupidity. But it un 
 fortunately happens that no dogmatist is more ob- 
 stinate, or less open to conviction, than a fool , 
 and the only difference between the tvo would 
 
106 LACON. 
 
 seem to be this, the former is determined to force 
 his knowledge upon others ; the latter is equally 
 determined that others shall not force their know- 
 ledge upon him. 
 
 The good make a better bargain, and the bad a 
 worse, than is usually supposed ; for the rewards 
 of the one, and the punishments of the other, not 
 unfrequently begin on this side of the grave ; vice 
 has more martyrs than virtue ; and it often happens 
 that men suffer more to be lost than to be saved. 
 But admitting that the vicious may happen to es- 
 cape the tortures of the body, which are so com- 
 monly the wages of excess and of sin ; yet in that 
 calm and constant sunshine of the soul which illu- 
 minates the breast of the good man, vice can have 
 no competition with virtue. ' Our thoughts,' says 
 an eloquent divine, ' like the waters of the sea, 
 when exhaled towards heaven, will lose all their 
 bitterness and saltness, and sweeten into an amia- 
 ble humanity, until they descend in gentle showers 
 of love and kindness upon our fellow-men.' 
 
 There are too many who reverse both the prin- 
 ciples and the practice of the apostle ! they become 
 all things to all men, not to serve others, but them- 
 selves ; and they try all things, only to hold fast 
 that which is bad. 
 
 There are only two things in which the false 
 professors of all religions have agreed ; to perse 
 cute all other sects, and to plunder their own. 
 
 There is one passage in the Scriptures to which 
 all the potentates of Europe seem to have given 
 their unanimous assent and approbation, and to have 
 
LAOOJV. 107 
 
 studied so thoroughly as to have it quite at their 
 fingers ends. i There went out a decree in the days 
 if Claudius Cesar, that all the world should be taxed? 
 
 It often happens in public assemblies, that two 
 measures are proposed, opposite in their tendency, 
 but equal in the influence by which they are sup- 
 ported, and also in the balance of good and evil 
 which may be fairly stated of either. In such a 
 dilemma, it is not unusual, for the sake of unanim- 
 ity, to adopt some half measure, which, as it has 
 been emasculated of its energy to please the mode- 
 rate, will often possess the good of neither mea- 
 sure, but the evil of both. Of this kind was the 
 suspensive veto voted to the monarch by the national 
 assembly of France. It made the king an object 
 of positive jealousy, while it gave him only nega- 
 tive power, and rendered him unpopular, without 
 the means of doing harm, and responsible without 
 the privilege of doing good. And as half measures 
 are so pregnant with danger, so the half talent by 
 which they are often dictated, may be equally pre- 
 judicial. There are circumstances of peculiar dif- 
 ficulty and danger, where a mediocrity of talent is 
 the most fatal quantum that a man can possibly 
 possess. Had Charles the First, and Louis the 
 Sixteenth, been more wise, or more weak, more 
 firm, or more yielding, in either case they had 
 both of them saved their heads. 
 
 Imperial Rome governed the bodies of men, but 
 did not extend her empire further. Papal Rome 
 improved upon imperial ; she made the tiara stron- 
 ger than the diadem ; pontiffs more powerful than 
 praetors ; and the crosier more victorious than the 
 
108 L A C O N . 
 
 sword. She devised a system so complete in aH 
 its parts, for the subjugation both of body and of 
 mind, that, like Archimedes, she asked but one 
 thing, and that Luther denied her ; a fulcrum of 
 ignorance on which to rest that lever by which she 
 could have balanced the world. 
 
 In former times patriots prided themselves on 
 two things ; their own poverty, and the riches of 
 the state. But poor as these men were, there were 
 kings not rich enough to purchase them, nor pow- 
 erful enough to intimidate them. In modern times 
 it would be easier to find a patriot rich enough to 
 buy a king, than a king not rich enough to buy a 
 patriot. Valerius Maximus informs us, that iElius 
 Paetus tore to pieces with his own teeth, a wood- 
 pecker, because the augur, being consulted, had 
 replied that if the bird lived, the house of iElius 
 would flourish, but that if it died, the prosperity of 
 the state would prevail. Modern patriots have dis- 
 covered, that a roasted woodcock is better than a 
 raw woodpecker. 
 
 As the man of pleasure by a vain attempt 1o be 
 mpre happy than any man can be, is often more 
 miserable than most men are, so the skeptic, in a 
 vain attempt to be wise, beyond what is permitted 
 to man, plunges into a darkness more deplorable 
 and a blindness more incurable than that of the 
 common herd, whom he despises and would fain 
 instruct. For the more precious the gift, the more 
 pernicious the abuse of it, as the most powerful 
 medicines are the most dangerous, if misapplied, 
 and no error is so remediless as that which arises, 
 not from the exclusion of wisdom, but from its per- 
 
LACON, 109 
 
 version. The skeptic, when he plunges into the 
 depths of infidelity, like the miser who leaps from 
 the shipwreck, will find that the treasures which he 
 bears about him, will only sink him deeper in the 
 
 abyss. 
 
 It has been said, that men carry on a kind of 
 coasting trade with religion. In the voyage of life, 
 they profess to be in search of heaven, but take 
 care not to venture so far in their approximations to 
 it, as entirely to lose sight of the earth ; and should 
 their frail vessel be in danger of shipwreck, they 
 will gladly throw their darling vices overboard, as 
 other mariners their treasures, only to fish them up 
 again when the storm is over. To steer a course 
 that shall secure both worlds, is still, L fear, a de- 
 sideratum in ethics, a thing unattained as y r et, either 
 by the divine or the philosopher, for the track is 
 discoverable only by the shipwrecks that have 
 been made in the attempt. John Wesley quaintly 
 observed, that the road to heaven was a narrow path, 
 not intended for wheels, and that to ride in a coach 
 here, and to go to heaven hereafter, was a happi- 
 ness too much for man.* 
 
 The only kind office performed for us by our 
 friends, of which we never complain, is our funeral; 
 and the only thing which we are sure to want, 
 happens to be the only thing which we never pur- 
 chase — our coffin. 
 
 With respect to the goods of this world, it 
 might be said, that parsons are preaching for them 
 
 * Yet honest John rode in his own coach before he died. 
 10 
 
110 LA CON. 
 
 — lawyers are pleading for them — physicians are 
 prescribing for them — authors are writing for them 
 — soldiers are fighting for them-— buf, that true 
 philosophers alone are enjoying them. 
 
 There is more jealousy between rival wits, 
 than rival beauties, for vanity has no sex. But, 
 in both cases, there must be pretensions, or 
 there will be no jealousy. Elizabeth might have 
 been merciful, had Mary neither been beautiful, 
 nor a queen ; and it is only when we ourselves 
 have been admired by some, that we begin tho- 
 roughly to envy those who are admired by all. 
 But the basis of this passion, must be the possi- 
 bility of competition ; for the rich are more en- 
 vied by those who have a little, than by those 
 who have nothing ; and no monarch ever heard 
 with indifference, that other monarchs were ex- 
 tending their dominions, except Theodore of Cor- 
 sica — who had none ! 
 
 Those missionaries who embark for India, like 
 some other reformers, begin at the wrong end. 
 They ought first to convert to practical Christianity, 
 those of their own countrymen who have crossed 
 the Pacific, on a very different mission, to acquire 
 money by every kind of rapine abroad, in order to 
 squander it in every kind of revelry at home 
 Example is more powerful than precept, and the 
 poor Hindoo is not slow in discovering how very 
 unlike, the Christians he sees, are to that Chris 
 lianity of which he hears : — 
 
 
LAC ON. Ill 
 
 1 Segnius irritant animos demissa per aures, 
 Quam qua sunt oculis subjecta fidelibus?* 
 
 The misfortune therefore is, that he understands 
 the conduct of his master, much better than the 
 creed of his missionary, and has a clearer know- 
 ledge of the depravity of the disciple, than of the 
 preachings of the preceptor. These observations 
 are strengthened by a remark of Dr. Buchanan, 
 founded on his own experience. * Conversion,' 
 says he, ' goes on more prosperously in Tanjore 
 and other provinces, where there are no Europeans, 
 than in Tranquebar, where they are numerous : for 
 ,ve find,' he adds, ' that European example in the 
 large towns, is the bane of Christian instruction.' 
 
 When you have nothing to say, say nothing ; a 
 weak defence strengthens your opponent, and si- 
 lence is less injurious than a bad reply. 
 
 We know the effects of many things, but the 
 causes of few ; experience, therefore, is a surer 
 guide than imagination, and inquiry than conjec- 
 ture. But those physical difficulties which you 
 cannot account for, be very slow to arraign, for he 
 that would be wiser than nature, would be wiser 
 than God. 
 
 When punishments fall upon a villain from some 
 unknown quarter, he begins to consider within him- 
 self what hand may have inflicted them. He has 
 injured many, this he knows, and judging from his 
 own heart, he concludes that he is the most likely 
 
 * Truths which weh-ear will less a feet us, than those which 
 we see. — Pub. 
 
112 LACON. 
 
 to have revenged himself, who has had the most 
 power to do so. This conclusion, however, is 
 often a most erroneous one, although it has proved 
 the frequent source of fatal mischiefs, which 
 have only fallen the heavier, from having had 
 nothing to support them. Forgiveness, that no- 
 blest of all self-denial, is a virtue, which he alone 
 that can practise in himself, can willingly believe 
 in another. 
 
 Some men possess means that are great, but 
 fritter them away, in the execution of conceptions 
 that are little ; and there are others who can 
 form great conceptions, but who attempt to carry 
 them into execution with little means. These 
 two descriptions of men might succeed if united, 
 but as they are usually kept asunder by jealousy, 
 both fail. It is a rare thing to find a combi- 
 nation of great means, and of great conceptions 
 in one mind. The Duke of Bridgewater was a 
 splendid example of this union, and all his de- 
 signs were so profoundly planned, that it is de- 
 lightful to observe how effectually his vast means 
 supported his measures, at one time, and how 
 gratefully his measures repaid his means, at another. 
 On the blameless and the bloodless basis of public 
 utility, he founded his own individual aggrandize- 
 ment ; and his triumphal arches are those by which 
 he subdued the earth, only to increase the comforts 
 of those who possess it. I have heard my father 
 say, that the duke was not considered a clever lad 
 at Eton, which only strengthens an observation 
 that I have often made, that vivacity, in youth, is 
 often mistaken for genius, and solidity for dulness 
 
LACON. 113 
 
 The farther we advance in knowledge, the more 
 simplicity shall we discover in those primary rules 
 that regulate all the apparently endless, complica- 
 ted, and multiform operations of the Godhead. To 
 Him, indeed, all time is but a moment, and all 
 space but a point, and he fills both, but is bounded 
 by neither. As merciful in his restrictions as in 
 his bounties, he sees at one glance the whole rela- 
 tions of things, and has prescribed unto himself 
 one eternal and immutable principle of action, that 
 of producing the highest ultimate happiness, by 
 the best possible means. But he is as great in 
 minuteness, as in magnitude, since, even the legs 
 of a fly have been fitted up and furnished with all 
 the powers and all the properties of an air-pump, 
 and this has been done by the self-same hand that 
 created the suns of other systems, and placed them 
 at so immense a distance from the earth, that light 
 itself seems to lag on so immeasurable a journey, 
 occupying many millions of years in arriving from 
 those bodies unto us. In proof of the observation 
 with which I set out, modern discoveries in chym- 
 istry have so simplified the laws by which the 
 Deity acts in his great laboratory of nature, that 
 Sir Humphrey Davy has felt himself authorized to 
 affirm, that a very few elementary bodies indeed, 
 and which may themselves be only different forms 
 of some one and the same primary material, con- 
 stitute the sum total of our tangible universe of 
 things. And as the grand harmony of the celes- 
 tial bodies may be explained by the simple princi- 
 ples of gravity and impulse, so also in that more 
 wonderful and complicated microcosm, the heart 
 of man, all the phenomena of morals are perhaps 
 10* 
 
J14 LAC ON. 
 
 resolvable into one single principle — the pursuit of 
 apparent good; for although customs universally 
 vary, yet man, in all climates and countries, is es- 
 sentially the same. Hence, the old position of the 
 Pyrrhonists, that the more we study, the less we 
 know, is true, but not in the sense in which it has 
 been usually received. It may be true that we 
 know less, but that less is of the highest value ; 
 first, from its being a condensation of all that is 
 certain ; secondly, from its being a rejection of all 
 that is doubtful ; and such a treasure, like the pages 
 of the Sybil, increases in value, even by its dimi- 
 nution. Knowledge is twofold, and consists not 
 only in an affirmation of what is true, but in the 
 negation of that which is false. It requires more 
 magnanimity to give up what is wrong, than to 
 maintain that which is right : for our pride is 
 wounded by the one effort, and flattered by the 
 other. The highest knowledge can be nothing 
 more than the shortest and clearest road to truth ; 
 all the rest is pretension, not performance, mere 
 verbiage and grandiloquence, from which we can 
 learn nothing, but that it is the external sign of an 
 internal deficiency. To revert to our former affirm- 
 ation of the simplicity of those rules that regulate 
 the universe, we might farther add, that any machine 
 would be considered to be most ingenious, if it con- 
 tained within itself principles for correcting its own 
 imperfections. Now, a few simple but resistless 
 laws, have effected all this so fully for the world 
 we live in, that it contains within itself the seeds 
 of its own eternity An Alexander could not add 
 one atom to it, or a Napoleon take one away. A 
 period, indeed, has been assigned unto it by reve* 
 
LA CON. 115 
 
 iation, otherwise it would be far less difficult to 
 conceive of its eternal continuance, than of its 
 final cessation. 
 
 As the dimensions of the tree are not always 
 regulated by the size of the seed, so the conse- 
 quences of things are not always proportionate to 
 the apparent magnitude of those events that have 
 produced them. Thus, the American Revolution, 
 from which little was expected, produced much ; 
 but the French revolution, from which much was 
 expected, produced little.* And in ancient times, 
 so grovelling a passion as the lust of a Tarquin, 
 could give freedom to Rome; that freedom, to 
 whose shrine a Cesar was afterwards sacrificed in 
 vain, as a victim, and a Cato as a martyr ; that free- 
 dom, which fell, unestablished either by the immo- 
 lation of the one, or the magnanimity of the other. 
 
 Where true religion has prevented one crime, 
 false religions have afforded a pretext for a thou- 
 sand. 
 
 * I am not so hardy as to affirm, that the French revolu- 
 tion produced little, in the absolute sense of the word. I 
 mean that it produced little if compared with the expecta- 
 tions of mankind, and the probabilities that its first de- 
 velopment afforded of its final establishment. The Papal 
 power, the dynasty of the Bourbons, the freedom of the 
 press, and purity of representation, are resolving themselves 
 very much into the ' statu quo ante helium''* It is far from 
 improbable, that the results of a ' reformation 1 now going 
 on in Spain, with an aspect far less assuming than the late 
 revolution in France, will be more beneficial both to the 
 present and fu'.ure times than that gigantic event, which 
 destroyed so much, but which repaired so little, and which 
 began in civil auarchy, but ended in military despotism. 
 
 * The stare before the war. 
 
116 LA CON. 
 
 We ask advice, but we mean approbation. 
 
 Be very slow to believe that you are wiser than 
 all others ; it is a fatal but common error. Where 
 one has been saved by a true estimation of another's 
 weakness, thousands have been destroyed by a 
 false appreciation of their own strength. Napoleon 
 could calculate the former, well, but to his miscal- 
 culations of the latter^ he may ascribe his present 
 degradation. 
 
 In the present enlightened state of society, it is 
 impossible for mankind to be thoroughly vicious ; 
 for wisdom and virtue are very often convertible 
 terms, and they invariably assist and strengthen 
 each other. A society composed of none but the 
 wicked, could not exist ; it contains within itself 
 the seeds of its own destruction, and without a 
 flood, would be swept away from the earth by the 
 deluge of its own iniquity. The moral cement of 
 all society, is virtue ; it unites and preserves, while 
 vice, separates and destroys. The good may well 
 be termed the salt of the earth. For where there 
 is no integrity, there can be no confidence ; and 
 where there is no confidence, there can be no una- 
 nimity. The story of the three German robbers 
 is applicable to our present purpose, from the preg- 
 nant brevity of its moral. Having acquired by 
 various atrocities, what amounted to a very valu- 
 able booty, they agreed to divide the spoil, and to 
 retire from so dangerous a vocation. When the 
 day which they had appointed for this purpose, 
 arrived, one of them was despatched to a neigh 
 bouring town, to purchase provisions for their last 
 carousal. The other two secretly agreed to mur- 
 
LACON. 117 
 
 der him on his return, that they might come in fol 
 one half of the plunder, instead of a third. They 
 did so. But the murdered man was a closer calcu- 
 later even than his assassins, for he had previously 
 poisoned a part of the provisions, that he might 
 appropriate unto himself the whole of the spoil. 
 This precious triumvirate were found dead to- 
 gether — a signal instance that nothing is so blind 
 and suicidal, as the selfishness of vice. 
 
 When the million applaud you, seriously ask 
 yourself what harm you have done ; when they 
 censure you, what good ! 
 
 Agar said, ' Give me neither poverty nor riches ;' 
 and this will ever be the prayer of the wise. Our 
 incomes should be like our shoes, if too small, tEey 
 will gall and pinch us, but if too large, they will 
 cause us to stumble and to trip. Wealth, after all, 
 is a relative thing, since he that has little, ana 
 wants less, is richer than he that has much, but 
 wants more True contentment depends not upon 
 what we have ; a tub was large enough for Dioge- 
 nes, but a world was too little for Alexander. 
 
 \ 
 
 We should act with as much energy as those 
 who expect every thing from themselves ; — and wo 
 should pray with as much earnestness as those 
 who expect every thing from God. 
 
 The ignorant have often given credit to the 
 wise, for powers that are permitted to wane, merely 
 because the wise have made a proper use of those 
 powers that are permitted to all. The little Ara- 
 bian tale of the Demse, shall be the comment of 
 
119 LAC ON. 
 
 this proposition. A Dervise was journeying alorif 
 in the desert, when two merchants suddenly mo 
 him. ' You have lost a camel/ said he to the me) 
 chants. 'Indeed we have,' they replied. 'Wash, 
 not blind in his right eye, and lame in his left leg'! 
 said the Dervise. i He was,' replied the merchants 
 1 Had he not lost a front tooth?' said the Dervise. 
 4 He had,' rejoined the merchants. ' And was he not 
 loaded with honey on one side, and wheat on the 
 other?' ' Most certainly he was,' they replied, ' and 
 as you have seen him so lately, and marked him so 
 particularly, you can, in all probability conduct us 
 unto him/ * My friends,' said the Dervise, ' T have 
 never seen your camel, nor ever heard of him but 
 from you. '. A pretty story, truly,' said the mer- 
 chants, * but where are the jewels which formed a 
 part of his cargo ?' * 1 have neither seen your 
 camel, nor your jewels,' repeated the Dervise. On 
 this they seized his person, and forthwith hurried him 
 before the Cadi, where on the strictest search, nothing 
 could be found upon him, nor could any evidence 
 whatever be adduced to convict him, either of false- 
 hood or of theft. They were then about to proceed 
 against him as a sorcerer, when the Dervise, with 
 great calmness, thus addressed the court : — 1 1 have 
 been much amused with your surprise, and own 
 that there has been some ground for your suspi- 
 cions ; but I have lived long and alone ; and I can 
 find ample scope for observation even in a desert. 
 I knew that I had crossed the track of a camel 
 that had strayed from its owner, because I saw no 
 mark of any human footstep on the same route ; I 
 knew that the animal was blind in one eye, because 
 it had cropped the herbage only on one side of its 
 path ; and I perceived that, it was lame in one leg, 
 
L A C ON. 
 
 119 
 
 from the faint impression which Lnat particular foot 
 had produced upon the sand ; I concluded that the 
 axamal had lost, one tooth, because, wherever it had 
 grazed, a small tuft of herbage was left uninjured, 
 rn the centre of its bite. As to that which formed 
 die burden of the beast, the busy ants informed 
 me that it was corn on the one side, and the clus- 
 tering flies, that it was honey on the other.' 
 
 X 
 
 Some philosophers would give a sex to revenge, 
 and appropriate it almost exclusively to the female 
 mind. But, like most other vices, it is of both 
 genders ; yet, because wounded vanity, or slighted 
 love, are the two most powerful excitements to 
 revenge, it is thought, perhaps, to rage with more 
 violence in the female heart. As the causes of this 
 passion are not confined to the women, so neither 
 are its effects. History can produce many Syllas, 
 to one Fulvia or Christina. The fact, perhaps, is, 
 that the human heart, in both sexes, will more 
 readjly pardon injuries than insults, particularly if 
 they appear to arise, not from any wish in the 
 offender to degrade us, but to aggrandize himself. 
 Margaret Lambrun assumed a man's habit, and 
 came to England from the other side of the 
 Tweed, determined to assassinate Queen Elizabeth. 
 She was urged to this from the double malice of 
 revenge, excited by the loss of her mistress, Queen 
 Mary, and that of her own husband who died from 
 grief, at the death of his queen. In attempting to 
 get close to Elizabeth, she dropped one of her 
 pistols ; and on being seized and brought before 
 the queen, she boldly avowed her motives, and 
 added, that she found herself necessitated, by 
 
120 LACON. 
 
 experience to prove the truth of that maxim, thai 
 neither force nor reason can hinder a woman from 
 revenge, when she is impelled by love. The 
 queen set an example, that few kings would have 
 followed, for she magnanimously forgave the crim- 
 inal ; and thus took the noblest mode of convincing 
 her that there were some injuries that even a wo- 
 man could forgive. 
 
 All the poets are indebted more or less to those 
 who have gone before them ; even Homer's origi- 
 nality has been questioned, and Yirgil owes almost 
 as much to Theocritus, in his Pastorals, as to 
 Homer, in his Heroics ; if our own countryman 
 Milton, has soared above both Homer and Yirgil, 
 it is because he has stolen some feathers from their 
 wings Shakspeare stands alone. His want oi 
 erudition was a most happy and productive igno- 
 rance ; it forced him back upon his own resources 
 which were exhaustless. If his literary qualifica- 
 tions made it impossible for him to borrow from 
 the ancients, he was more than repaid by the pow- 
 ers of his invention, which made borrowing unne- 
 cessary. In all the ebbings and the Sowings of 
 his genius, in his storms, no less than in his calms 
 he is as completely separated from all other poets, 
 a? .he Caspian from all other seas. He abounds 
 wi.h so many axioms applicable to all the circum- 
 stances, situations, and varieties of life, that they 
 are no longer the property of the poet, but of the 
 world ; all apply, but none dare appropriate them ; 
 and, like anchors, they are secure from thieves, by 
 reason of their weight. 
 
LAC ON. 121 
 
 That nations sympathize with their monarch's 
 glory, that they are improved by his virtues, and 
 that the tone of morals rises high, when he that 
 leads the band is perfect, are truths admitted with 
 exultation, and felt with honest pride. That a 
 nation is equally degraded by a monarch's profli- 
 gacy, that it is made, in some sort, contemptible by 
 hismeanness, and immoral by hi& depravation, are 
 positions less flattering, but equally important and 
 true. ' Plus cxemplo quam peccato nocent, quippe 
 .uod multi imitatores principum existunt. m The 
 example, therefore, of a sovereign, derives its pow- 
 erful influence from that pride inherent in the con- 
 stitution of our nature, which dictates to all, not to 
 copy their inferiors, but which at the same time, 
 causes imitation to descend. A prince, therefore, 
 can no more be obscured by vices, without demo- 
 ralizing his people, than the sun can be eclipsed 
 without darkening the land. In proof of these pro- 
 positions, we might affirm, that there have been 
 some instances where a sovereign has reformed a 
 court,! but not a single instance where a court has 
 reformed a sovereign. When Louis the Four- 
 teenth, in his old age, quitted his battles for beads, 
 and his mistress for missals, his courtiers aped 
 
 * They do more harm by their example than by their 
 crimes, for many are the imitators of princes. — Pub. . 
 
 t Englishmen need not go far, either m time, or in dis- 
 tance, for a splendid proof of the truth of this proposition. 
 The reign of George the Third is an arena that will both 
 demand and deserve the utmost talents of its historian, 
 however high they may be. It is the most eventful reign in 
 the memory of man. A gentlemanly prince in public, and 
 a princely gentleman in private, he set an example of lib- 
 erality insentiment, of integrity in principle, and of purity 
 in life, which may have been imitated Dy some of his sub- 
 jects, but which have been surpassed by none. 
 11 
 
122 L A C O IS" 
 
 their sovereign as strenuously in his devotions, as 
 they had before in his debaucheries, and took the 
 sacrament twice in the day ! 
 
 The gamester, if he die a martyr to his profes- 
 sion, is doubly ruined. He adds his soul to every 
 other loss, and by the act of suicide, renounces 
 earth to forfeit heaven. 
 
 Two things are necessary to a modern martyr, 
 — some to pity, and some to persecute, some to 
 regret, and some to roast him. If martyrdom is 
 now on the decline, it is not because martyrs are 
 less zealous, but because martyr-mongers are more 
 wise. The light of intellect has put out the fire 
 of persecution, as other fires are observed to smoul- 
 der before the light of the sun. 
 
 The wise man has his follies, no less than the 
 fool ; but it has been said, that herein lies the dif- 
 ference — the follies of the fool are known to the 
 world, but are hidden from himself; the follies of 
 the wise are known to himself, but hidden from the 
 world. A harmless hilarity, and a buoyant cheer- 
 fulness are not infrequent concomitants of genius ; 
 and we are never more deceived, than when we 
 mistake gravity for greatness, solemnity for sci- 
 ence, and pomposity for erudition. 
 
 The true poet is always great, if compared with 
 others ; not always if compared with himself. 
 
 If men praise your efforts, suspect their judg* 
 ment ; if they censure them, your own. 
 
LACON. 123 
 
 Philosophy manages a most important firm, not 
 only with a capital of her own, but also with a still 
 larger one that she has borrowed ; but she repays 
 with a most liberal interest, and in a mode that ulti- 
 mately enriches, not only others, but herself. The 
 philosopher, is neither a chymist, a smith, a mer- 
 chant, or a manufacturer ; but he both teaches and 
 is taught by all of them ; and his prayer is, that 
 the intellectual light may be as general as the so- 
 lar, and uncontrolled. As he is as much delighted 
 to imbibe knowledge as to impart it, he watches 
 the rudest operations of that experience, which 
 may be both old and uninformed, right, though un- 
 able to say why, or wrong, without knowing the 
 wherefore. The philosopher, therefore, strength- 
 ens that which was mere practice, by disclosing 
 the principle ; he establishes customs that were 
 right, by superadding the foundation of reason, and 
 overthrows those that were erroneous, by taking 
 that foundation away. 
 
 Persecutors on the score of religion, have, in 
 general, been the foulest of hypocrites, and their 
 burning zeal has too often been lighted up at the 
 altar of worldly ambition. Suppose we admit that 
 persecution may, in some solitary cases, have aris- 
 en from motives that are pure ; the glory of God, 
 and the salvation of men. Here again, the purity 
 of the motive is most wofully eclipsed by the gross 
 absurdity of the means. The persecutor must 
 begin by breaking many fundamental laws of his 
 master, in order to commence his operations in his 
 favour ; thus asserting, by deeds, if not by words 
 that the intrinsic excellence of the code of om 
 Saviour, is insufficient for its own preservation 
 
124 L A C O N . 
 
 Thus it is, that even the sincerest peisecutoi 
 defends the cause of his master. He shows his 
 love of man, by breaking his cardinal laws; he 
 then seeks to glorify a God of mercy, by worship- 
 ping him as a Moloch who delights in human 
 sacrifices ; and lastly, he shows his love of his 
 neighbour., by roasting his body for the good of his 
 soul. Can a darkness which is intellectual, be 
 done away by a fire which is material ? or is it 
 absolutely necessary to make a fagot of a man's 
 body in order to enlighten his mind. 
 
 There is a paradox in pride — it makes some 
 men ridiculous, but prevents others from becom 
 ing so. 
 
 Those who worship gold in a world so corrupt 
 as this we live in, have at least one thing to plead 
 in defence of their idolatry — the power of their 
 idol. It is true, that like other idols, it can neither 
 move, see, hear, feel, or understand ; but, unlike 
 other idols, it has often communicated all these 
 powers to those who had them not, and annihilated 
 them in those who had. This idol can boast of 
 two peculiarities ; it is worshipped in all climates, 
 without a single temple, and by all classes, with- 
 out a single hypocrite. 
 
 
 If kings would only determine not to extend 
 their dominions, until they had filled them with 
 happiness, they would find the smallest territories 
 too large, but the longest life too short, for the full 
 accomplishment of so grand and so noble an am- 
 bition. 
 
LA CON. 125 
 
 It is not every man that can afford to wear a 
 shabby coat ; and worldly wisdom dictates to her 
 disciples, the propriety of dressing somewhat be- 
 yond their means, but of living within them ; for 
 every one sees how we dress, but none see how 
 we live, except we choose to let them. The truly 
 great are by universal suffrage exempted from 
 these trammels, and may live or dress as they 
 please. 
 
 Sleep, the type of death, is also like that which 
 it typifies, restricted to the earth. It flies from 
 hell, and is excluded from heaven. 
 
 Emulation has been termed a spur to virtue, and 
 assumes to be a spur of gold. But it is a spur 
 composed of baser materials, and if tried in the 
 furnace, will be found to want that fixedness, which 
 is the characteristic of gold. He that pursues 
 virtue, only to surpass others, is not far from wish- 
 ing others less forward than himself; and he that 
 rejoices too much at his own perfection, will be 
 too little grieved at the defects of other men. We 
 might also insist upon this, that true virtue, though 
 the most humble of all things, is the most progres- 
 sive ; it must persevere to the end. As Alexander 
 scorned the Olympic games, because there were 
 no kings to contend with, so he that starts only to 
 outstrip others, will suspend his exertions when 
 that end is attained ; and self-love will in many 
 cases, incline him to stoop for the prize, oven be- 
 fore he. has obtained the victory. The views of 
 the Christian are more extensive, and more endur 
 ing; his ambition is, not to conquer others, but 
 1A* 
 
126 LAC ON. 
 
 himself, and he unbuckles his armour, only for his 
 shroud. 
 
 in the pursuit of knowledge, follow it wherever 
 it is to be found ; like fern, it is the produce of all 
 climates, and like coin, its circulation is not re- 
 stricted to any particular class. We are ignorant 
 in youth, from idleness, and we continue so in man- 
 hood, from pride ; for pride is less ashamed of 
 being ignorant, than of being instructed, and she 
 locks too high to find that, which very often lies 
 beneath her. Therefore condescend to men of 
 low estate, and be for wisdom that which Alcibiades 
 was for power. He that rings only one bell, will 
 hear only one sound ; and he that lives only with 
 one class, will see but one scene of the great 
 drama of life. Mr. Locke was asked how he had 
 contrived to accumulate a mine of knowledge so 
 rich, yet so extensive and so deep. He replied, 
 that he attributed what little he knew, to not having 
 been ashamed to ask for information ; and to the 
 rule he had laid down, of conversing with all de- 
 scription of men, on those topics chiefly that 
 formed their own peculiar professions or pursuits. 
 I myself have heard a common blacksmith elo- 
 quent, when welding of iron has been the theme ; 
 what we know thoroughly, we can usually express 
 clearly, since ideas will supply words, but words 
 will not always supply ideas. Therefore when I 
 meet with any that write obscurely, or converse 
 confusedly, I am apt to suspect two things ; first, 
 that such persons do not understand themselves ; 
 and secondly, that they are not worthy of being 
 understood by others 
 
LACON. 127 
 
 He that can enjoy the intimacy of the great, and 
 on no occasion disgust them with familiarity, or 
 disgrace himself by servility, proves that he is as 
 perfect a gentleman by nature, as his companions 
 are by rank 
 
 Royal favorites are often obliged to carry then 
 complaisance further than they meant. They live 
 for their master's pleasure, and they die for his 
 convenience. 
 
 Theh^te, which we all bear with the most Chris 
 tian patience, is the hate of those who envy us 
 
 Imitation is the sincerest of flattery. 
 
 There are two modes of establishing our repu- 
 tation ; to be praised by honest men, and to be 
 abused by rogues. It is best, however, to secure 
 the former, because it will be invariably accompa- 
 nied by the latter. His calumniation, is not only 
 the greatest benefit a rogue can confer upon us, but 
 it is also the only service he will perform for nothing. 
 
 As we ascend in society, like those who climb a 
 mountain, we shall find that the line of perpetual 
 congelation commences with the higher circles, and 
 the nearer we approach to the grand luminary the 
 court, the more frigidity and apathy shall we expe- 
 rience. 
 
 Sensible women have often been the dupes of 
 designing men, in the following way : they have 
 taken an opportunity of praising them to their own 
 confidante, but with a solemn injunction to secrecy. 
 
l28 LACOiN. 
 
 The confidante, however, as they know, will infal- 
 
 lably inform .her principal, tiie first moment she sees 
 her; and this is a mode of flattery which always 
 succeeds. Even those females who nauseate [lat- 
 tery m any other shape, w r ili not reject it in this ; 
 just as we can bear the light of the sun without 
 pain when reflected by the moon. 
 
 If you are under obligation to many, it is pru- 
 dent to postpone the recompensing of one, until it be 
 in your power to remunerate all, otherwise you will 
 make more enemies by what you give, than by what 
 you withhold. 
 
 There is no cruelty so inexorable and unrelent- 
 ing, as that which proceeds from a bigoted and pre- 
 sumptuous supposition of doing service to God. 
 Under the influence of such hallucination, all com- 
 mon modes of reasoning are perverted, and ail 
 general principles destroyed. — The victim of the 
 fanatical persecutor will find that the stronger the 
 motives he can urge for mercy are, the weaker 
 will be his chance of obtaining it, for the merit 
 of his destruction will be supposed to rise in 
 value, in proportion as it is effected at the expense 
 of every feeling, both of justice and of humanity. 
 Had the son of Philip the Second of Spain been 
 condemned by the inquisition, his own father, in 
 default of any other executioner, would have car- 
 ried the fagots, and have set fire to the pile. And 
 in the atrocious murder of Archbishop Sharp, it is 
 well known that Balfour and his party did not meet 
 together at Gilston Muir for the purpose of assas- 
 sinating the archbishop, but to slay one Carmi- 
 chael, a magistrate. These misguided men were 
 
LACON. 129 
 
 actuated (to use their own words) hy a strong out- 
 letting of the spirit' shortly to be manifested .by 
 the outletting of innocent blood ; and one Smith, 
 a weaver at the Strutherdike, an inspired man, had 
 also encouraged them ; all to go forward, seeing 
 that God's glory was the only motive that was moving 
 them to of 'er themselves to act for his broken down 
 work. 1 These men not happening to find Carmi- 
 chael, were on the point of dispersing, when a lad 
 running up. suddenly informed them that the coach 
 of Archbishop Sharp was then coming on, upon 
 the road between Ceres and Blebo Hole. Thus, 
 Carmichael escaped, but an archbishop was a 
 sacrifice, caught in the thicket, more costly than 
 the rain. ' Truly,' said they, ! this is of God, and 
 it seemeth that God hath delivered him into our 
 hands ; let us not draw back, but pursue him, for all 
 looked -upon it. considering the former circumstances, 
 as a clear call from God to fall upon him.' We 
 may anticipate what tender mercies the Archbishop 
 might count upon, from a gang of such enthusi- 
 asts ; and the circumstances of a prelate murdered 
 at the feet of his daughter, with the curious con- 
 versation that accompanies this act. only proves 
 thai fanaticism is of the same malignant type and 
 character, whether she be engendered in the clan, 
 Qr the conclave, the kirk, or the cathedral. 
 
 It has been said, that whatever is made with the 
 intention of answering two purposes, will answer 
 neither of them well. This is for the most part 
 true, with respect to the inventions and productions 
 of man ; but the very reverse of this would seem 
 to obtain, in all the operations of the Godhead. In 
 the great laboratory of nature, many effects of the 
 
130 LA CON. 
 
 most important and extensive utility are often made 
 to proceed from some one primary cause ; neither 
 do these effects, in any one instance, either clash 
 or jar, or interfere with each other, but each one is 
 as perfect in its kind, as if the common source of 
 its activity were adjusted and appropriated to the 
 accomplishing of that single effect alone. An illus- 
 tration or two will suffice, where the number of 
 examples is so great, that the difficulty lies more in 
 the selection than in the discovery. The atmo- 
 sphere is formed for the respiration of numberless 
 animals, which most important office it perfectly 
 performs, being the very food of life. But there 
 are two other processes almost as important, which 
 could not go on without an atmosphere, seeing that 
 it is essential to both of them — the dissemination 
 of light by its powers of refraction and reflection, 
 and of heat by its decomposition. The ocean is a 
 fluid world, admirably calculated for the propaga- 
 tion and continuation of those myriads of aquatic 
 animals with which it abounds ; and thus, it enables 
 the Creator to extend, both in depth and surface, 
 the sphere of sensation, of life, and of enjoyment, 
 from the poles even unto the lin6. But the ocean 
 has other most important offices to fulfil ; it is per- 
 haps more necessary to the earth, than the earth 
 itself is to the ocean ; for while it appears to be the 
 great receptacle of salt water, it becomes, through 
 the joint medium of the sun and of the atmosphere, 
 the principal reservoir and distributor of fresh. The 
 sun himself was created as the grand emporium 
 of light and heat to the system. He not only 
 warms and enlightens, but he also regulates and 
 ontrols, both the times, and the spaces, of the 
 whole planetary world ; the lord of motion, no lesa 
 
LAUON. 131 
 
 than of light, he imposes a law on those erratic 
 bodies, as invincible as it is invisible, which nev- 
 ertheless allows the fullest scope to all their wan- 
 derings, and subjects them to no restraint but that 
 which is absolutely necessary for their preserva- 
 tion. 
 
 When we consider that Julius Cesar, Pompey, 
 Brutus, Cato, Atticus, Livy, Cicero, Horace, Virgil, 
 Hortensius, Augustus, and Marcus Varro, were 
 contemporaries, that they were, at the same time, 
 enclosed within the walls of the same city, which 
 might well be termed ■ Roma virum genitrix ;'* and 
 when we further reflect, that this bright constella- 
 tion was attended also by another subordinate to it, 
 made up of stars, indeed of lesser magnitude, but 
 which would have shone with no small lustre in 
 any other horizon, we no longer wonder that a cap- 
 ital that could breed and educate such men, should 
 aspire to the proud title of mistress of the world, 
 and vaunt herself secure from all mortal wounds, 
 save only those that might be inflicted in an evil 
 hour by parricidal hands. The close observer 
 of human nature, who takes nothing on trust, who, 
 undazzled by the lustre, calmly inquires into the 
 use, will not be contented with a bare examination 
 of the causes that conspired to produce so marvel- 
 lous a union of talent, but will further ask, how it 
 happened, that men, whose examples have been so 
 fertile of instruction to future ages, were so bar- 
 ren of improvement and utility to their own. For 
 it must be admitted that Rome was ' divided against 
 herself,' split into faction, and torn to pieces by a 
 
 * Rome , the mother of men. — Pub. 
 
132 LACON. 
 
 most bloody civil war, at the very moment she was 
 in proud possession of all this .profusion ol talent* 
 by which she was consumed, rattier than comiortt d, 
 and scorched, rather than enlightened. Perhaps 
 the conclusion that is forced upon us by a review 
 of this particular period of Roman history is 
 neither consolatory nor honourable to our nature ; 
 it would seem, 1 fear, to be this, namely, that a 
 state of civil freedom is absolutely necessary for 
 the training np, educating, and finishing, of great 
 and noble minds ; but that society has no sjuaran- 
 tee, that minds so formed and finished, shall not 
 aspire to govern rather than to obey ; no security 
 that they shall riot affect a greatness, greater than 
 the laws, and in affecting it, that they shall not ulti- 
 mately destroy that very freedom, to which alone 
 they were indebted for their superiority. Such 
 men too often begin by subjecting all things to 
 their country, and finish by subjecting their coun- 
 try unto themselves. If we examine the individual 
 characters of those great names 1 have cited above 
 we may perhaps affirm, that Horace, Virgil, Hor- 
 tensins, Varro, and Livy, were more occupied in 
 writing what deserved to be read, than in doing any 
 thing that deserved to be written. Atticus was a 
 practical disciple of Epicurus, and too much con- 
 cerned about the safety and health of his own 
 person, to endanger it by attacking that of another; 
 as to Cicero, though he was formed both for 
 action and deliberation, yet none of the blood that 
 was spilt in his day, can fairly be charged to him ; 
 in fact, he had so much of the pliability of his 
 friend Atticus about him, that he might have 
 flourished even in the court of Augustus, a rival of 
 Maecenas, had he himself been less eloquent, Octa- 
 
L A C O N . 133 
 
 vius more grateful, or Antony less vindictive. Four 
 men remain, formed indeed, in l all the prodigality 
 of nature, 1 but. composed of elements so opposite 
 to each other, that their conjunction, like the clash 
 oi adverse comets, could not but convulse the 
 worlu ; Cesar, Pompey, Brutus, and Cato. — Cesar 
 i-'^uld not brook a superior, nor Pompey an equal ; 
 and Brutus, although he did not aspire himself to 
 rule, was determined that no one else should do so. 
 Cato, who might have done more to save his 
 country, had he attempted less, disgusted his friends 
 and exasperated his foes by a vain effort to realize 
 the splendid fictions of Plato's republic, in the 
 dregs of Romulus. — Proud, without ambition, he 
 was less beloved as the stern defender of liberty, 
 than Cesar as the destroyer of it, who was ambi- 
 tious without pride ; a mistaken martyr in a noble 
 cause, Cato was condemned to live m an era when 
 the tim^s would not bear his integrity — nor his 
 integrity the times. 
 
 'Ph^rp i s th ls difference between those two tem- 
 poral blessings, health and money: money is the 
 most ervied, but the least enjoyed, health is the 
 mosi emoyed, but the least envied ; and the supe- 
 riority rf the latter is still more obvious when we 
 reflect that the poorest man would not part with 
 health for money, but that the richest would gladly 
 part with all their money for health. 
 
 All governments ought to aspire to produce the 
 highest happiness by the least objectionable means 
 To produce good without some admixture of ill, is 
 the prerogative of the Deity alone. In a state of 
 nature, each individual would strive to preserve the 
 \2 
 
[34 LACON. 
 
 whole of his liberty, but then he would be also 
 liable to the encroachments of others, who would 
 feel equally determined to preserve the whole of 
 theirs In a state of civilization each individ- 
 ual voluntarily sacrifices a part of his liberty, to 
 increase the general stock. But he sacrifices his 
 liberty only to the laws ; and it ought to be the 
 care of good governments, that this sacrifice of 
 the individual is repaid him with security, and with 
 interest; otherwise, the splendid declarations of 
 Rousseau might be verified, and a state of nature 
 preferred to a state of civilization. The liberty 
 we obtain by being members of civilized society, 
 would be licentiousness, if it allowed us to harm 
 others, and slavery, if it prevented us from bene- 
 fitting ourselves. True liberty, therefore, allows 
 each individual to do all the good he can to himself 
 without injuring his neighbour. 
 
 Of two evils, it is perhaps less injurious to 
 society, that a good doctrine should be accompa- 
 nied by a bad life, than that a good life should lend 
 its support to a bad doctrine. For the sect, if once 
 established, will survive the founder. When doc- 
 trines, radically bad in themselves, are transmitted 
 to posterity, recommended by the good life of their 
 author, this is to arm a harlot with beauty, and to 
 heighten the attractions of a vain and unsound 
 philosophy. I question if Epicurus and Hume 
 have done mankind greater injury by the looseness 
 of their doctrines, than by the purity of their lives. 
 Of such men we may more justly exclaim, than of 
 Cesar, ' confound their virtues ! they have undone 
 the world.' 
 
LACON, 135 
 
 Many have been thought capable of governing, 
 until they have been called to govern ; and others 
 have been deemed incapable, who, when called into 
 power, ha\e most agreeably disappointed public 
 opinion, by far surpassing all previous anticipation. 
 The fact is, that the great and little vulgar too 
 often judge of the blade by the scabbard ; and 
 shining outward qualities, although they may excite 
 first rate expectations, are not unusually found to 
 be the companions of second rate abilities. Where- 
 as, to possess a head equal to the greatest events, 
 and a heart superior to the strongest temptations, 
 are qualities which may be possessed so secretly, 
 that a man's next door neighbour shall not discover 
 them, until some unforeseen and fortunate occasion 
 has called them forth. 
 
 The ignorance of the Chinese maybe attributed 
 to their language. A literary Chinese must spend 
 half his life in acquiring a thorough knowledge of 
 it. The use of metaphor, which may be said 
 to be the algebra of language, is, I apprehend, 
 unknown amongst them. And as language, after 
 all, is made up only of the signs and counters of 
 knowledge, he that is obliged to lose so much 
 time in acquiring the sign, will have but little of the 
 thing. So complete is the ignorance of this con- 
 ceited nation, on many points, that very curious 
 brass models of all the mechanical powers, which 
 the French government had sent over as a present, 
 they considered to be meant as toys for the 
 amusement of the grandchildren of the emperor. 
 And I have heard the late Sir George Stauntor, 
 declare, that the costly mathematical instruments 
 
136 LACON. 
 
 made by Ramsden and Dolland, and taken to Pekin 
 by Lord Macartney, were as utterly useless to the 
 Chinese, as a steam-engine to an Esquimaux, or a 
 "loom to a Hottentot. The father of Montaigne, 
 not inaptly to my present subject, has observed, 
 that the tedious time we moderns employ in acquir- 
 ing the language of the ancient Greeks and Romans, 
 which cost them nothing, is the principal reason 
 why we cannot arrive at that grandeur of soul and 
 perfection of knowledge that was in them. But 
 the learned languages, after all, are indispensable to 
 form the gentleman and the scholar, and are well 
 worth all the labour that they have cost us, pro- 
 vided they are valued not for themselves alone, 
 which would make a pedant, but as a foundation 
 for further acquirements. The foundation, there- 
 fore, should be in a great measure hidden, and its 
 solidity presumed and inferred from the strength, 
 elegance, and convenience of the superstructure. 
 In one of the notes to a former publication, I have 
 quoted an old writer, who observes, ' that we fatten 
 a sheep with grass, not in order to obtain a crop 
 of hay from his back, but in the hope that he will 
 feed us with mutton, and clothe us with wool.' 
 We may apply this to the sciences, we teach a 
 young man algebra, the mathematics, and logic, 
 not that he should take his equations and paral- 
 lelograms into Westminster Hall, nor bring his ten 
 predicaments to the House of Commons, but that 
 he should bring a mind to both these places, so well 
 stored with the sound principles of truth and of 
 reason, as not to be deceived by the chicanery of 
 the bar, nor the sophistry of the senate. The ac- 
 quirements of science may be termed the armour 
 
LACOrv* 137 
 
 of the mind ; but that armour would, be worse 
 than useless, that cost us all we had, and left us 
 nothing to defend. 
 
 That is not the most perfect beauty, which, in 
 public would attract the greatest observation ; nor 
 even that which the statuary would admit to be a 
 faultless piece of clay, kneaded up with blood. 
 But that is true beauty, which has not. only a sub- 
 stance, but a spirit, — a beauty that we must 
 intimately know, justly to appreciate, — a beauty 
 lighted up in conversation, where the mind shines, 
 as it were, through its casket, where, in the language 
 of the poet, * the eloquent blood spoke in her cheeks, 
 and so distinctly wrought, that we might almost say 
 her body thought J An order and a mode of beauty, 
 which, the more we know, the more we accuse 
 ourselves for not having before discovered those 
 thousand graces which bespeak that their owner 
 has a soul. This is that beauty which never cloys, 
 possessing charms, as resistless as the fascinating 
 Egyptian, for which Antony wisely paid the bauble 
 of the world — a beauty like the rising of his own 
 Italian suns, always enchanting, never the same. 
 
 He that can please nobody, is not so much to be 
 pitied, as he that nobody can please. 
 
 Revenge is a debt, in the paying of which, the 
 greatest knave is honest and sincere, and, so far 
 as he is able, punctual. But there is a difference 
 between a debt of revenge, and every other debt. 
 By paying our other debts, we are equal with all 
 mankind : but in refusing to pay a debt of revenge, 
 12* 
 
138 LACON. 
 
 we are superior. Yet it must be confessed, that it 
 is much less difficult to forgive our enemies, than 
 our friends ;* and if we ask how it came to pass that 
 Coriolanus found it so hard a task to pardon Rome, 
 the answer is, that he was himself a Roman. 
 
 If rich, it is easy enough to conceal our wealth ; 
 but, if poor, it is not quite so easy to conceal our 
 poverty. We shall find that it is less difficult to 
 hide a thousand guineas, than one hole in our coat 
 
 The cynic who twitted Aristippus, by observing, 
 that the philosopher who could dine on herbs might 
 despise the company of a king, was well replied to 
 by Aristippus, when he remarked, that the philo- 
 sopher who could enjoy the company of a king, 
 might also despise a dinner of herbs. 
 
 * Non prandcrel olus' si sciret regibus uti?* 
 
 Nothing is more common than to hear people abus- 
 ing courtiers, and affecting to despise courts ; yet 
 most of these would be proud of the acquaintance 
 of the one, and would be glad to live in the other. 
 The history of the Conclave will show us how 
 ready all men are to renounce philosophy for the 
 most distant probability of a crown. Whereas, 
 Casirnir of Poland, and Christina of Sweden, are 
 likely to remain the alpha and the omega, the first 
 and the last, of those who have renounced a crown 
 for the sake of philosophy. 
 
 * lie would not dine en herbs, if hr could mar age kings, 
 Pub. 
 
LA CON. 139 
 
 Wars are to the body politic, what drams are to 
 the individual. There are times when they may 
 prevent a sudden death, but if frequently resorted 
 to, or long persisted in, they heighten the energies 
 only to hasten the dissolution. 
 
 It has been shrewdly said, that when men abuse 
 us, we should suspect ourselves, and when they 
 praise us, them. It is a rare instance of virtue to 
 despise censure, which we do not deserve; and 
 still more rare, to despise praise, which we do. 
 But the integrity that lives only on opinion, would 
 starve without it ; and that theatrical kind of virtue, 
 wnich requires publicity for its stage, and an ap- 
 plauding world for its audience, could not be de- 
 pended on, in the secrecy of solitude, or the retire- 
 ment of a desert 
 
 This is the tax a man must pay to hi| virtues — » 
 they hold up a torch to his vices, and render those 
 frailties notorious in him, which would have passed 
 without observation in another. 
 
 Those hypochondriacs, who, like Herodius, give 
 up their whole time and thoughts, to the care of 
 their health, sacrifice unto life, every noble purpose 
 of living ; striving to support a frail and feverish 
 being here, they neglect an hereafter ; they con- 
 tinue to patch up and repair their mouldering 
 tenement of clay, regardless of the immortal ten- 
 ant that must survive it ; agitated by greater fears 
 than the apostle, and supported by none of his 
 nopes, they < die daily.' 
 
HO L A C O N. 
 
 Intimacy has been the source of the deadlies* 
 enmity, no less than of the firmest friendship ; like 
 some mighty rivers, which rise on the same moun- 
 tain, but pursue a quite contrary course. 
 
 The intoxication of anger, l ; .ke that of the grape, 
 shows us to others, but hides us from ourselves, 
 and we injure our own cause, in the opinion of the 
 world, when we too passionately and eagerly de- 
 fend it ; like the father of Virginia, who murdered 
 his daughter to prevent her violation. Neither will 
 all men be disposed to view our quarrels in the 
 same light that we do ; and a man's blindness to 
 his own defects will ever increase, in proportion as 
 he is angry with others, or pleased with himself. 
 
 Falsehood, like a drawing in perspective, will 
 not bear to be examined in every point of view, 
 because, it is a good imitation of truth, as a per- 
 spective is of the realiry, only in one. But truth, 
 like that reality, of which the perspective is the 
 representation, will bear to be scrutinized in all 
 points of -view, and though examined under every 
 situation, is one and the s^ame. 
 
 There are some characters whose bias it is im- 
 possible to calculate, and on whose probable con- 
 duct we cannot hazard the slightest prognostica- 
 tion ; they often evince energy in the merest tri- 
 fles, and appear listless and ir different, on occa- 
 sions of the greatest interest and importance ; one 
 would suppose they had been dipped in the foun- 
 tain of Hammon, whose waters, according to Dio* 
 dorus, are cold by day, and hot only by night ' 
 
LAG ON. 141 
 
 There are some who refuse a favour so gra- 
 ciously, as to please us even by the refusal ; and 
 there are others who confer an obligation so clum- 
 sily, that they please us less by the measure, than 
 they disgust us by the manner of a kindness, as 
 puzzling to our feelings, as the politeness of one, 
 who, if we had dropped our handkerchief, should 
 present it unto us with a pair of tongs ! 
 
 It has been said, that the retreat shows the 
 general, as the reply the orator; and it is partly 
 true ; although a general would rather build his 
 fame on his advances, than on his retreats, and on 
 what he has attained, rather than on what he has 
 abandoned. Moreau, we know, was famous for 
 his retreats, insomuch, that his companions in 
 arms compared him to a drum, which nobody hears 
 of, except it be beaten. But, it is nevertheless true, 
 that the merits of a general are not to be appre- 
 ciated by the battle alone, but by those dispositions 
 that preceded it, and by those measures that fol- 
 lowed it. Hannibal knew better how to conquer, 
 than how to profit by the conquest; and Napoleon 
 was more skilful in taking positions, than in main- 
 taining them. As to reverses, no general can 
 presume to say that he may not be defeated ; but 
 he can, and ought to say, that he will not be sur- 
 prised. There are dispositions so skilful, that the 
 battle may be considered to be won before it is 
 fought, and the campaign to be decided, even be 
 fore it is contested. There are generals who have 
 accomplished more by the march, than by the 
 musket ; and Europe saw in the lines of Torres 
 Vedras, a simple telescope in the hands of a Wel- 
 lington, become an instrument, more fatal and 
 
142 LACON. 
 
 destructive than all the cannon in the camp of hi3 
 
 Expect not praise without envy until you are 
 dead. Honours bestowed on the illustrious dead, 
 have in them no admixture of envy ; for the living 
 pity the dead ; and pity and envy, like oil and 
 vinegar, assimilate not ; — 
 
 ' TJrit enim fulgore suo qui prcBgr aval artes 
 Infra se positas, extinctus, amabitur idem? 
 
 Mental pleasures never cloy ; unlike those of the 
 body, they are increased by repetition, approved of 
 by reflection, and strengthened by enjoyment. 
 
 Those who have resources within themselves, 
 who can dare to live alone, want friends the least, 
 but at the same time, know how to prize them the 
 most. No company, is far preferable to bad, 
 because we are more apt to catch the vices of 
 others than their virtues, as disease is far more 
 contagious than health. 
 
 It is better to meet danger than to wait for it. 
 He that is on a leeshore and foresees a hurricane, 
 stands out to sea, and encounters a storm to avoid 
 a shipwreck. And thus, the legislator who meets 
 some evils, half subdues them. In the grievous 
 dearth that visited the land of Egypt, Joseph fore- 
 stalled the evil, and adopted measures that pro- 
 claimed to the nation, 4 You shall not feast, in ordej 
 that you may not fast ; and although you must sub- 
 
 * He whose proud genius soars above the arts, 
 
 Burns while he shines, but dead, is loved, again. — Pub 
 
L A C O N . 143 
 
 mit to a scarcity, you shall not endure a famine.' 
 And those very persons who have been decried by 
 shortsighted reasoners in this country, as regraters 
 and monopolizers, are, in times of real deficiency, 
 the actual Josephs of the land. Like the prczsto- 
 latores in the camp of the Romans, they spy out 
 the nakedness of the land before the main body 
 are advised of it, and by raising the price of the 
 commodity, take the only means to ensure an econ- 
 omy in the use of it. 
 
 Louis the Fourteenth having become a king by 
 the death of his minister, Mazarin, set up the trade 
 of a conqueror on his own account. The devil 
 treated him as he does young gamesters, and bid 
 very high for him at first, by granting him unexam- 
 pled success ; he finished by punishing him with 
 reverses equally unexampled. Thus, that sun 
 which he had taken for his device, although it rose 
 in cloudless majesty, was doomed to set in obscu- 
 rity, tarnished by the smoke of his defeats, and 
 tinged with the blood of his subjects. 
 
 It is an old saying, that ' Truth lies in a well/ but 
 the misfortune is, that some men will use no chain 
 to draw her up, but that which is so long that it is 
 the labour of their life to finish it , or if they live 
 to complete it, it may be that the first links are 
 eaten up by rust, before the last are ready. Others, 
 on the contrary, are so indolent, that they would 
 attempt to draw up truth without any chain, or by 
 means of one that is too short. Both of these will 
 miss their object. A wise man will provide a 
 chain for this necessary purpose, that has not a link 
 
144 LACON. 
 
 too much, nor a link too little, and on the first he 
 will write ' ars longa]* and on the last, ' vita brcvis. y \ 
 
 Doubt is the vestibule which all must pass, 
 before they can enter into the temple of wisdom ; 
 therefore, when we are in doubt and puzzle out the 
 truth by our own exertions, we have gained a 
 something that will stay by us, and which will 
 serve us again. But, if to avoid the trouble of the 
 search, we avail ourselves of the superior informa- 
 tion of a friend, such knowledge will not remain 
 with us ; we have not bought, but borrowed it. 
 
 Great men, like comets, are eccentric in their 
 courses, and formed to do extensive good, by modes 
 unintelligible to vulgar minds Hence, like those 
 erratic orbs in the firmament, it is their fate to be 
 miscomprehended by fools, and misrepresented by 
 knaves ; to be abused for all the good they actually 
 do, and to be accused of ills with which they have 
 nothing to do, neither in design or execution. 
 
 Some men who have evinced a certain degree of 
 wit and talent in private companies, fail miserably 
 when they attempt to appear as public characters 
 on the grand theatre of human life. Great men in 
 a little circle, but little men in a great one, they 
 show their learning to the ignorant, but their igno- 
 rance to the learned ; the powers of their mind 
 seem to be parched up and withered by the public 
 gaze, as Welch cascades before a summer sun, 
 which, by the by, we are told, are vastly fine in 
 the winter, when nobody goes to see them. 
 
 * Art is long.- Pub. t Life is short.—'PvB. 
 
LACON 145 
 
 Great men often obtain their ends, by means 
 beyjnd the grasp of vulgar intellect, and even by 
 methods diametrically opposite to those which the 
 multitude would pursue. But, to effect this, be- 
 speaks as profound a knowledge of mind, as that 
 philosopher evinced of matter, who first produced 
 ice ty the agency of heat. 
 
 Those that are the loudest in their threats, are 
 the weakest in the execution of them. In spring- 
 ing a mine, that which has done the most extensive 
 mischief makes the smallest report; and again, if 
 we consider the effect of lightning, it is probable 
 that he that is killed by it, hears no noise ; but the 
 thunderclap which follows, and which most alarms 
 the ignorant, is the surest proof of their safety. 
 
 We most readily forgive that attack, which 
 affords us an opportunity of reaping a splendid tri- 
 umph. A wise man will not sally forth from his 
 doors to cudgel a fool, who is in the act of break- 
 ing his windows, by pelting them with guineas. 
 
 That an author's work is the mirror of his mind, 
 is a position that has led to very false conclusions. 
 If Satan himself were to write a book, it would be 
 in praise of virtue, because the good would pur- 
 chase it for use, and the bad for ostentation. 
 
 It is not known where he that invented the 
 plough was born, or where he died ; yet he has 
 effected more for the happiness of the world, than 
 the whole race of heroes and conquerors, who 
 have drenched it with tears, and manured it with 
 blood, and whose birth, parentage, and education 
 13 
 
146 LACON. 
 
 have been handed down to us with a precision pre 
 cisely proportionate to the mischief they have 
 done. 
 
 As the gout seems privileged to attack the bodies 
 of the wealthy, so ennui seems to exert a similar 
 prerogative over their minds. I should consider 
 the middle and lower cJ asses, in this country, in a 
 great measure exempt from this latter malady of . 
 the mind; first, because there is no vernacular 
 name that fully describes it, in our language ; and 
 secondly, because we shall find it difficult to explain 
 this disease to such persons ; they will admit how- 
 ever, that they have sometimes thought a rainy 
 Sunday, particularly tedious and long. In the con- 
 stitution of our nature, it so happens, that pleasure 
 cloys and hebetates the powers of enjoyment very 
 soon, but that pain does not, by any means, in an 
 equal proportion, dull the powers of suffering. A 
 fit of the toothache, or the tic doloreux, shall conti- 
 nue their attacks with slight intermission foi 
 months, and the last pang shall be as acute as the 
 first. Again, we are so framed and fashioned, thai 
 our sensations may continue alive for years, to tor- 
 ment, after they have been dead for years, to tran- 
 sport ; and it would be well, if old age, which has 
 been said to forbid the pleasures of youth, on 
 penalty of death, interdicted us also from those 
 pains w r hich are unhappily as much or more the lot 
 of the old than of the young. The cold and shri- 
 velled hand of time is doubly industrious ; he not 
 only plucks up flowers, but he plants thorns in their 
 room ; and punishes the bad, with the recollections 
 of the past, the sufferings of the present, and the 
 anticipation of the future, until death becomes theii 
 
 
LACON. U7 
 
 only remedy, because life hath become their sole 
 disease. If these observations be just, their appli- 
 cation to ennui, our present subject, is obvious. 
 For he that does labour under acute pain, will be 
 too much occupied for ennui ; and he that does 
 not, has no right to indulge it, because he is not in 
 the fruition or' vivid pleasure. It is not in the 
 nature of things that vivid pleasure should conti- 
 nue long ; their very continuance must make them 
 cease to be vivid. Therefore, we might as well 
 suffer ennui, because we are not angels but men. 
 There are indeed, some spirits so ardent, that 
 change of employment to them is rest, and their 
 only fatigue a cessation from activity. But, even 
 these, if they make pleasure a business, will be 
 equally subject to ennui, with more phlegmatic 
 minds ; for mere pleasure, although it may refresh 
 the weary, wearies the refreshed. Gaming has 
 been resorted to by the affluent, as a refuge from 
 ennui ; it is a mental dram, and may succeed for a 
 moment, but, like all other stimuli, it produces indi- 
 rect debility ; and those who have recourse to it, 
 will find that the sources of their ennui are far 
 more inexhaustible than those of their purse. 
 Ennui, perhaps, has made more gamblers than ava- 
 rice, more drunkards than thirst, and perhaps as 
 many suicides as despair. Its only cure* is the 
 
 * It would seem that employment Js more efficacious in 
 the cure of ennui than society. A young Huron, in a village 
 near GLuebec, emphatically exclaimed to an English travel- 
 ler, ' On s'ennuie dans le village, et on ne s'ennuie jamais 
 dans le bois.' We all remember the instance of that man 
 of rank and title, who destroyed himself in full possession 
 of every thing that could make life desirable, leaving it on 
 record, that he committed the act, only because he was tired 
 of putting on his clothes in the morning, and taking them of! 
 
148 L A C O xN 
 
 pursuit of some desirable object if that object bo 
 worthy of our pursuit and our desires, the prog- 
 nostics of a cure are still more favourable ; — if the 
 object be a distant one, yet affording constant 
 opportunities of pursuit and advancement, the cure 
 is certain, until the object be attained ; — but if that, 
 object cannot be attained, nor even expected, until 
 after death, although the means of its attainment 
 must last as long as our life, and occur as constantly 
 as the moments that compose it, we may then 
 exclaim ' I have found ,' with more cause than the 
 philosopher, and seek from the dying Christian an 
 infallible nostrum for all the evils of ennui. 
 
 Heaven may have happiness as utterly unknown 
 to us, as the gift of perfect vision would be to a 
 man born blind. If we consider the inlets of plea- 
 sure from five senses only, we may be sure that 
 the same being who created us, could have given 
 us five hundred if he had pleased. Mutual love, pure 
 and exalted, founded on charms both mental and 
 corporeal, as it constitutes the highest happiness on 
 earth, may, for any thing we know to the contrary, 
 also form the lowest happiness of Heaven. And 
 it would appear consonant with the administration 
 of Providence in other matters, that there should 
 be such a link between earth and heaven ; for, in 
 all cases, a chasm seems to be purposely avoided. 
 
 again at night ; and in times still near to us, John Mad- 
 docks, and Henry Q,uin, Esq of Dublin notoriety, the for- 
 mer in the clear unincumbered possession of six thousand 
 pounds per annum, and both of them in full possession of 
 health and competence, destroyed themselves for no othci 
 reason but because they were tired of the unvaried tepa 
 titions and insipid amusements of life. 
 
LACON. 149 
 
 'prudente Deo.'* Thus, the material world has its 
 links, by which it is made to shake hands, as it 
 were, with the vegetable — the vegetable with the 
 animal — the animal with the intellectual — and the 
 intellectual with what we may be allowed to hope 
 of thp angelic. 
 
 Nothing is more common than to hear directly 
 opposite accounts of the same countries. The 
 difference lies not in the reported, but the reporter 
 Some men are so imperious and overbearing in 
 their demeanour, that they would represent even the 
 islanders of Pelew, as insolent and extortionate ; 
 others are of a disposition so conciliatory and 
 unassuming, that they would have little that was 
 harsh or barbarous to record, even of the Mussul- 
 mans of Constantinople. 
 
 It would be very unfortunate if there were no 
 other road to Heaven but through Hell. Yet this 
 dangerous and impracticable road has been attempt- 
 ed by all those princes, potentates and statesmen, 
 who have done evil, that good might come. 
 
 Courage is incompatible with the fear of death ; 
 but every villain fears death; therefore no villain 
 can be brave. He may indeed possess the cou- 
 rage of a rat, and fight with desperation when driven 
 into a corner. If by craft and crime a successful 
 adventurer should be enabled to usurp a kingdom, 
 and to command its legions, there may be moments, 
 when, like Richard on the field of Bosworth, or 
 Napoleon on the plains of Marengo, all must ht 
 
 * Through the wisdom of God. Pcb. 
 13* 
 
150 LACON. 
 
 staked; an awful crisis, when, if his throne be 
 overturned, his scaffold must rise upon its ruins. 
 Then, indeed, though the cloud of battle should 
 lower on his hopes, while its iron hail is rattling 
 around him, the greatest coward will hardly fly, 
 to ensure that death which he can jnly escape by 
 facing. Yet the glare of a courage thus elicited 
 by danger, where fear conquers fear, is not to be 
 compared to that calm sunshine which constantly 
 cheers and illuminates the breast of hirn who 
 builds his confidence on virtuous principles ; it is 
 rather the transient and evanescent lightning of the 
 storm, which derives half its lustre from the dark- 
 ness that surrounds it. 
 
 The absent man would wish to be thought a man 
 of talent, by affecting to forget what all others 
 remember; and the antiquarian is in pursuit of the 
 same thing, by remembering what all others have 
 thought proper to forget. I cannot but think it 
 would much improve society, first, if all absent men 
 would take into their heads to turn antiquarians ; 
 and next, if all antiquarians would be absent men. 
 
 To know a man, observe how he wins his object, 
 rather than how he loses it ; for, when we fail, our 
 pride supports us, when we succeed, it betrays us 
 
 Strong and sharp as our wit may be, it is not so 
 strong as the memory of fools, nor so keen as their 
 resentment; he that has not strength of mind to 
 forgive, is by no means weak enough to forget ; 
 and it is much more easy to do a cruel thing, than 
 to sav a severe one. 
 
LA CON. 151 
 
 In literature, it is very difficult to establish a name. 
 Let an author's first work have what merit it mav, 
 lie will lose, if he prints it himself; and being a 
 novus homo in literature, his only chance is to give 
 his first edition to his bookseller. It is true that 
 the bookseller will offer terms extremely liberal to 
 those who have established a reputation, and will 
 lose by many, who, like Scott, have written spirit- 
 edly for fame, but tamely for money. But, even in 
 this case, the booksellers have no right to complain ; 
 for these calculating Maecenases ought to remem- 
 ber, that if they pay too dearly for the lees, they 
 had the first squeezing of the grapes for nothing.* 
 
 In addressing the multitude, we must remember 
 to follow the advice that Cromwell gave his soldiers, 
 * fire low.' This is the great art of the Methodists, 
 'fas est et ab koste doceri.'j If our eloquence be 
 directed above the heads of our hearers, we shall 
 do no execution. By pointing our arguments low, 
 we stand a chance of hitting their hearts, as well 
 as their heads. In addressing angels, we could 
 hardly raise our eloquence too high ; but we must 
 remember that men are not angels. Would we 
 warm them by our eloquence, unlike Mahomet's 
 mountain, it must come down to them, since they 
 cannot raise themselves to it. It must come home 
 to their wants and their wishes, to their hopes and 
 their fears, to their families and their firesides. 
 The moon gives a far greater light than all the 
 fixed stars put together, although she is much 
 
 * Those who continue to write after their wit is exhaust- 
 ed, may be compared to those old maids, who give us one 
 cup of good tea, but all the rest of milk and water. 
 
 | It is wise to learn of our enemies. — Pub, 
 
152 LACON. 
 
 smaller than any of them ; the reason is, that the 
 stars are superior and remote, but the moon is ihfe 
 rior and contiguous. 
 
 The plainest man who pays attention to women, 
 will sometimes succeed as well as the handsomest 
 man who does not. Wilkes observed to Lo/d 
 Townsend, * You, my lord, are the handsomest 
 man in the kingdom, and I the plainest. But I 
 would give your lordship half an hour's start, and 
 yet come up with you in the affections of any wo- 
 man we both wished to win ; because all those 
 attentions which you would omit on the score of 
 fine exterior, 1 should be obliged to pay, owing to 
 the deficiencies of mine.' 
 
 Agriculture is tho most certain source of strength, 
 wealth and independence. Commerce flourishes 
 by circumstances precarious, contingent, transitory, 
 almost as liable to change, as the winds and waves 
 that waft it to our shores. She may well be 
 termed the younger sister, for, in all emergencies, 
 she looks to agriculture, both for defence and for 
 supply. The earth, indeed, is doubly grateful, in- 
 asmuch as she not only repays forty fold to the 
 cultivator, but reciprocally improves its improver, 
 rewarding him with strength, health, and vigour. 
 Agriculture, therefore, is the true officina militum ;* 
 and in her brave and hardy peasantry, she offers a 
 legitimate and trusty sword, to those rulers that 
 duly appreciate her value, and court her alliance. 
 It is, however, more easy to convert husbandmen 
 into excellent soldiers, than to imitate Romulus, 
 who could at will reconvert them again. — He first 
 
 * Storehouse of soldiers. Pub. 
 
LACON- 153 
 
 moulded those materials that conquered the world . 
 a peasantry victorious in war, laborious in peace, 
 despisers of sloth, prepared to reap the bloodless 
 harvest of the sickle, after having secured that of 
 'he sword. ■ The only employments,' says Dion, 
 * that Romulus left to freemen, were agriculture and 
 warfare ; for he observed that men so employed are 
 more temperate, less entangled in the pursuits of 
 forbidden love, and subject to that kind of avarice 
 only, which leads them not to injure one another, 
 but to enrich themselves at the expense of the 
 enemy. But finding that each of these occupa- 
 tions, separate from the other, is imperfect, and 
 produces murmurs ; instead of appointing one part 
 of the men to till the earth, and the other to lay 
 waste the enemy's country, according to the insti- 
 tution of the Lacedemonians, he ordered the same 
 persons to exercise the employments, both of hus- 
 bandmen and of soldiers ; and accustomed them 
 in time of peace, to live in the country and culti- 
 vate the land, except when it was necessary for 
 them to come to market, upon which occasions 
 they were to meet in the city in order to traffic ; 
 and to that end he appointed a market to be held 
 every ninth day. In time of war, he taught them 
 the duty of soldiers, and not to yield to any other, 
 in the fatigues or advantages that attend it.' 
 
 Avarice has ruined more men than prodigality, 
 and the blindest thoughtlessness of expenditure 
 has not destroyed so many fortunes, as the calcu- 
 lating but insatiable lust of accumulation. 
 
 Some reputed saints that have been canonized, 
 ought to have been cannonaded ; and some reputed 
 
154 LAC ON. 
 
 sinners that have been cannonaded, ought to have 
 been canonized. 
 
 To be satisfied with the acquittal of the world, 
 though accompanied with the secret condemnation 
 of conscience, is the mark of a little mind ; but it 
 requires a soul of no common stamp, to be satis- 
 fied with his own acquittal, and to despise the con- 
 demnation of the world. 
 
 An Irishman fights before he reasons, a Scotch- 
 man reasons before he fights, an Englishman is not 
 particular as to the order of precedence, but will 
 do either to accommodate his customers. A 
 modern general has said, that the best troops would 
 be as follows : an Irishman half drunk, a Scotch- 
 man half starved, and an Englishman with his belly 
 full. 
 
 If some persons were to bestow one half of their 
 fortune in learning how to spend the other half, it 
 would be money extremely well laid out. He that 
 spends two fortunes, and, permitting himself to be 
 twice ruined, dies at last a beggar, deserves no 
 commiseration. He has gained neither experience 
 from trial, nor repentance from reprieve. He has 
 been all his life abusing fortune without enjoying 
 her, and purchasing wisdom without possessing her. 
 
 Relations take the greatest liberties, and give 
 the least assistance. If a stranger cannot help us 
 with his purse, he will not insult us with his com- 
 ments ; but with relations, it mostly happens that 
 they are the veriest misers with regard to then 
 
LA CON. J55 
 
 property, but perfect prodigals in the article of 
 advice. 
 
 After hypocrites, the greatest dupes the devil 
 has, are those who exhaust an anxious existence 
 in the disappointments and vexations of business, 
 and live miserably and meanly, only to die mag- 
 nificently and rich. For, like the hypocrites, the 
 only disinterested action these men can accuse 
 themselves of, is, that of serving the devil without 
 receiving his wages ; for the assumed formality of 
 the one, is not a more effectual bar to enjoyment 
 than the real avarice of the other. He that stands 
 every day of his life behind a counter, until he 
 drops from it into the grave, may negotiate many 
 very profitable bargains ; but he has made a single 
 bad one, so bad, indeed, that it counterbalances all 
 the rest ; for the empty foolery of dying rich, he 
 has paid down his health, his happiness, and his 
 integrity ; since a very old author observes, that 
 ' as mortar sticketh between the stones, so sticketh 
 fraud between buying and selling? Such a world- 
 ling may be compared to a merchant, who should 
 put a rich cargo into a vessel, embark with it him- 
 self, and encounter all the perils and privations of 
 the sea, although he was thoroughly convinced 
 beforehand, that he was only providing for a ship- 
 wreck, at the end of a troublesome and tedious 
 voyage 
 
 Women do not transgress the bounds of deco- 
 rum so often as men but when they do, they go 
 greater lengths. For with reason somewhat weaker, 
 they have to contend with passions somewhat 
 
156 LAC ON. 
 
 stronger ; besides, a female by one transgression 
 forfeits her place in society for ever ; if once sho 
 falls, it is the fall of Lucifer. It is hard, indeed, 
 that the law of opinion should be most severe on 
 that sex which is least able to bear it ; but so it is, 
 and if the sentence be harsh, the sufferer should be 
 reminded that it was passed by her peers. There- 
 fore, if once a woman breaks through the barriers 
 of decency, her case is desperate ; and if she goes 
 greater lengths than the men, and leaves the pale 
 of propriety farther behind her, it is because she is 
 aware that all return is prohibited, and by none so 
 strongly as by her own sex. We may also add, 
 that as modesty is the richest ornament of a woman, 
 the want of it is her greatest deformity, for the bet- 
 ter the thing, the worse will ever be its perversion, 
 and if an angel falls, the transition must be to a 
 demon. 
 
 Of the professions, it may be said, that soldiers 
 are becoming too popular, parsons too lazy, physi- 
 cians too mercenary, and lawyers too powerful. 
 
 Most men abuse courtiers, and affect to despise 
 courts ; yet most men are proud of the acquaint- 
 ance of the one, and would be glad to live in the 
 other. 
 
 Evils are more to be dreaded from the sudden- 
 ness of their attack, than from their magnitude, or 
 their duration. In the storms of life, those that 
 are foreseen are half overcome, but the tiffoon is a 
 just cause of alarm to the helmsman, pouncing od 
 the vessel, as an eagle on her prey. 
 
LACON. 157 
 
 Homer, not contented with making his hero 
 invulnerable every where but in the heel, and so 
 swift of foot, that if he did run nobody could catch 
 him, completes the whole by making a god his 
 blacksmith, and covering him, like a rhinoceros, 
 with a coat of mail from a superhuman manufac- 
 tory. With all those advantages, since his object 
 was to surprise his readers, he should have made 
 his bully a coward, rather than a hero. 
 
 Of method, this may be said, if we make it our 
 slave, it is well ; but it is bad if we are slaves to 
 method. A gentleman once told me, that he made 
 it a regular rule to read fifty pages every day of 
 some author or other, and on no account to fall 
 short of that number, or to exceed it. I silently 
 set him down for a man who might have taste to 
 read something worth writing, but who never could 
 have genius himself to write any thing worth 
 leading. 
 
 Deliberate with caution, but act with decision ; 
 and yield with graciousness, or oppose with firm- 
 ness. 
 
 There are many good-natured fellows, who have 
 paid the forfeit of their lives to their love of ban- 
 tering and raillery. No doubt they have had 
 much diversion, but they have purchased it too 
 dear. Although their wit and their brilliancy may 
 have been often extolled, yet it has at last been 
 extinguished for ever ; and by a foe, perhaps, who 
 has neither the one nor the other, but who found 
 it easier to point a sword than a repartee. 1 have 
 heard of a man in the province of Bengal, who had 
 14 
 
158 LAC ON. 
 
 been a long time very successful in hunting the 
 tiger. His skill gained him great eclat, and ensured 
 him much diversion ; at length he narrowly escaped 
 with his life ; he then relinquished the sport, with 
 this observation : ' Tiger hunting is very fine 
 amusement, so long as we hunt the tiger ; but it is 
 rather awkward when the tiger takes it into his 
 head to hunt us.' Again, this skill in small wit, 
 like skill in small arms, is very apt to beget a con- 
 fidence which may prove fatal in the end. We may 
 either mistake the proper moment, for even cow- 
 ards have their fighting days, or we may mistake 
 the proper man. A certain Savoyard got his live- 
 lihood by exhibiting a monkey and a bear ; he 
 gained so much applause from his tricks with the 
 monkey, that he was encouraged to practise some 
 of them on the bear ; he was dreadfully lacerated, 
 and on being rescued with great difficulty from the 
 gripe of Bruin, he exclaimed : ' What a fool was I 
 not to distinguish between a monkey and a bear ! 
 A bear, my friends, is a very grave kind of person- 
 age, and as you plainly see, does not understand a 
 joke P 
 
 It is always safe to learn, even from our ene- 
 mies — seldom safe to venture to instruct, even our 
 friends. 
 
 If men have been termed pilgrims, and life a 
 journey, then we may add, that the Christian pil- 
 grimage far surpasses all others, in the following 
 important particulars: in the goodness of the road, 
 — m the beauty of the prospects — in the excel- 
 lence of tli3 company — and in the vast superiority 
 
LA CON, 159 
 
 of the accommodation provided for the Christkm 
 traveller, when he has finished his course. 
 
 All who have been great and good without 
 Christianity, would have been much greater and 
 better with it. If there be amongst the sons of 
 men, a single exception to this maxim, the divine 
 Socrates may be allowed to put in the strongest 
 claim. It was his high ambition to deserve, by 
 deeds, not by creeds, an unrevealed heaven ; and 
 by works, not by faith, to enter an unpromised 
 land. 
 
 Though the Godhead were to reward and to 
 exalt, without limit, and without end, yet the 
 object of its highest favours could never offend the 
 brightness of his eternal majesty, by too near an 
 approximation to it ; for the difference between 
 the Creator and the created must ever be infinite, 
 and the barrier that divides them insurmountable. 
 
 Of all the marvellous works of the Deity, per- 
 haps there is nothing that angels behold with such 
 supreme astonishment as a proud man. 
 
 Vanity finds in self-love so powerful an ally, that 
 it storms, as it were, by a coup de main, the citadel 
 of our heads, where, having blinded the two watch- 
 men, it readily descends into the heart. A cox- 
 comb begins by determining that his own profession 
 is the first ; and he finishes, by deciding that he is 
 the first of his profession. 
 
 A poor nation that relaxes not from her attitude 
 of defence, is less likely to be attacked, though 
 
160 L A C O N . 
 
 surrounded by powerful neighbours, than another 
 nation which possesses wealth, commerce, popula- 
 tion, and all the sinews of war, in far greater abun- 
 dance, but unprepared. For the more sleek the 
 prey, the greater is the temptation ; and no wolf 
 will leave a sheep, to dine upon a porcupine. 
 
 Memory is the friend of wit, but the treacherous 
 ally of invention ; there are many books that owe 
 their success to two things, the good memory of 
 those who write them, and the bad memory of those 
 who read them. 
 
 Suicide sometimes proceeds from cowardice, 
 but not always ; for cowardice sometimes prevents 
 it ; since as many live because they are afraid to 
 die, as die because they are afraid to live. 
 
 We submit to the society of those that can 
 inform us, but we seek the society of those whom 
 we can inform. And men of genius ought not to 
 be chagrined if they see themselves neglected. 
 For, when we communicate knowledge, we are 
 raised in our own estimation, but when we receive 
 it, we are lowered. That, therefore, which has 
 been observed of treason, may be said also of 
 talent, we love instruction, but hate the instructer, 
 and use the light, but abuse the lantern. 
 
 Vice stings us even in our pleasures, but virtue 
 consoles Us even in our pains. 
 
 There are four classes of men in the world: 
 first, those whom every one would wish to talk to 
 and whom every one does talk of; — these are 
 
LACON, 16i 
 
 that small minority, that constitute the great 
 Secondly, those whom no one wishes to talk to, 
 and whom no one does talk of; — these are the 
 vast majority, that constitute the little. The third 
 class is made up of those whom every body talks 
 of, but nobody talks to ; — these constitute the 
 knaves. And the fourth is composed of those 
 whom every body talks to, but whom nobody talks 
 of; and these constitute the fools. 
 
 He that, like the wife of Cesar, is above suspi- 
 cion, is alone the fittest person to undertake the 
 noble and adventurous task of diverting the shafts 
 of calumny from him who has been wounded with- 
 out cause, has fallen without pity, and cannot 
 stand without help. It is the possessor of unblem- 
 ished character alone, who, on such an occasion, 
 may dare to stand, like Moses, in the gap, and stop 
 the plague of detraction, until Truth and Time 
 those slow but steady friends, shall come up, to 
 vindicate the protected, and dignify the protector 
 A good character, therefore, is carefully to be main- 
 tained for the sake of others, if possible, more than 
 ourselves ; it is a coat of triple steel, giving secu- 
 rity to the wearer, protection to the oppressed, and 
 inspiring the oppressor with awe. 
 
 Courage is generosity of the highest order, for 
 the brave are prodigal of the most precious things. 
 Our blood is nearer and dearer to us than our 
 money, and our life than our estate. Women are 
 more taken with courage than with generosity, for 
 it has all the merits of its sister virtue, with the 
 14* 
 
162 LAC ON. 
 
 addition of the most disinterested devoted ness^ 
 and powerful protection. Generosity enters so 
 much into the constitution of courage, that, with 
 the exception of the great Duke of Marlborough.* 
 we shall hardly rind an instance of undaunted 
 personal bravery, coexisting in the same breast, 
 with great avarice. The self-denial of Christianity, 
 the magnanimity of chivalry, all that is splendid 
 in history, or captivating in romance, seems to 
 have been made up of courage, or generosity, or 
 of both. In fact, true courage, well directed, 
 can neither be overpaid nor overpraised. A hero 
 is not composed of common materials ; his ex- 
 pense is hazard, his coin is blood, and out of the 
 very impossibilities of the cow T ard he cuts a peril- 
 ous harvest with the sword. We cannot aspire to 
 so high a character on cheaper terms, otherwise 
 FalstafF's soldiers might be allowed their claim, 
 since they were afraid of nothing, but danger. It 
 is unfortunate, however, that presence of mind is 
 always most necessary, when absence of body 
 would be most desirable ; and there is this paradox 
 in fear, he is most likely to inspire it in others, who 
 has none himself. 
 
 Natural good is so intimately connected with 
 moral good, and natural evil with moral evil, that I 
 am as certain as if I heard a voice from heaven 
 proclaim it, that God is on the side of virtue. 
 
 * At a certain diplomatic dinner, where there were many 
 .foreigners of distinction, the duke gave for a toast, ' My 
 queen.' One of the party, who sat next to Prince Eugene, 
 inquired of him, in a whisper, ' what queen his grace had 
 gfiven.' ' I know of no queen that is his parficulai favour- 
 ite, ' replied the prince, ■ except it be regina pjeevMm. 1 
 
LACON. 163 
 
 He has learned much, and has not lived in vain, 
 who has practically discovered the most strict and 
 necessary connexion that does, and will ever exist, 
 between vice and misery, virtue and happiness. 
 The greatest miracle that the Almighty could per- 
 form, would be, to make a bad man happy, even in 
 heaven ; he must unparadise that blessed place to 
 accomplish it. In its primary signification, all vice, 
 that is, all excess, brings on its own punishment, 
 even here. By certain fixed, settled, and estab- 
 lished laws of Him who is the God of Nature, 
 excess of every kind destroys that constitution, 
 which temperance would preserve. The debau- 
 chee offers up his body a ' living sacrifice' to sin. 
 
 To know exactly how much mischief may be 
 ventured upon with impunity, is knowledge suffi- 
 cient for a little great man. 
 
 Logic is a large drawer, containing some useful 
 instruments, and many more that are superfluous. 
 A wise man will look into it for two purposes, to 
 avail himself of those instruments that are really 
 useful, and to admire the ingenuity with which 
 those that are not so, are assorted and arranged. 
 
 Some have wondered, that disputes about opin- 
 ions should so often end in personalities ; but the 
 fact is, that such disputes begin with personalities, 
 for our opinions are a part of ourselves. 
 
 Many who find the day too long, think life too 
 short ; but short as life is, some find it long enough 
 to outlive their characters, their constitutions, and 
 their estates. 
 
164 L A C O N . 
 
 As he gives proof of a sound and vigorous £ody, 
 that accidentally transgressing the line of demar- 
 cation, is confined to the pest-house, and at the end 
 of his quarantine, comes out without being infected 
 by the plague, so he that can live in courts, those 
 hospitals of intellectual disease, without being con- 
 taminated by folly or corruption, gives equal proof 
 of a sound and vigorous mind. But, as no one 
 thinks so meanly of a conjurer as his own zany, 
 so none so thoroughly despise a court, as those 
 who are thoroughly acquainted with it, particularly 
 if to that acquaintance they also add due know- 
 ledge of themselves ; for many have retired in 
 disgust from a court which they felt they despised, 
 to a solitude which they merely fancied they could 
 enjoy, only, like Charles the Fifth, to repent of 
 their repentance. Such persons, sick of others, 
 yet not satisfied with themselves, have closed each 
 eventless day, with an anxious wish to be liberated 
 from so irksome a liberty, and to retire from so 
 melancholy a retirement ; for it requires less 
 strength of mind to be dissatisfied with a court, than 
 to be contented with a cloister, since, to be disgusted 
 with a court, it is only necessary to be acquainted 
 with courtiers ; but to enjoy a cloister, we must 
 have a thorough knowledge of ourselves. 
 
 Oceans of ink, reams of paper, and disputes infi- 
 nite, might have been spared, if wranglers had 
 avoided lighting the torch of strife at the wrong end ; 
 since a tenth part of the pains expended in attempt- 
 ing to prove the why, the where, and the when, 
 certain events have happened, would have been 
 more than sufficient to prove that they never hap~ 
 pened at all 
 
LACON. 165 
 
 The most admired statues of the Pagan deities, 
 were produced in an age of general infidelity; and 
 the Romans, when sincere believers in their mytho- 
 logy, had not a single god tolerably executed ; yet 
 Seneca observes that these primitive 'Jicliles dei? 
 these gods of clay, were much more propitious 
 than those of marble, and were worshipped with an 
 adoration more ardent and sincere. Something 
 similar to what happened to the religion of impe- 
 rial, has s : nce happened to that of pontifical Rome. 
 Formerly, mat altar was contented with utensils of 
 wood, and of lead, but its rites were administered 
 by an Austin and a Chrysostom — priests of gold ! 
 Things are now reversed ; the altar of St. Peter, 
 says Jortin, has golden utensils, but leaden priests ! 
 
 It rarely happens, that the finest writers are the 
 most capable of teaching others their art. If 
 Shakspeare himself had been condemned to write 
 a system of metaphysics explanatory of his magic 
 influence over all the passions of the mind, it 
 would have been a dull and unsatisfactory work ; 
 a heavy task, both to the reader and to the writer. 
 All preceptors, therefore, should have that kind of 
 genius described by Tacitus, ' equal to their busi- 
 ness, but not above it ;' a patient industry, with 
 competent erudition ; a mind depending more on 
 its correctness, than ks originality, and on its 
 memory, rather than on its invention. If we wish 
 to cut glass, we must have recourse to a diamond ; 
 but if it be our task to sever iron or lead, we must 
 make use of a much coarser instrument. To sen- 
 tence a man of true genius to the drudgery of a 
 school, is to put a racehorse in a mill. 
 
166 LACON, 
 
 Histrionic talent is not so rare a gift as some 
 imagine: it is both overrated and overpaid. That 
 the requisites for a firstrate actor demand a com- 
 bination not easily to be found, is an erroneous 
 assumption, ascribable, perhaps, to the following 
 causes : the market for this kind of talent must 
 always be understocked, because very few of those 
 who are really qualified to gain theatrical fame, 
 will condescend to start for it. To succeed, the 
 candidate must be a gentleman by nature, and a 
 scholar by education ; there are many who can 
 justly boast of this union, but out of that many, 
 how few are there that would seek or desire the- 
 atrical celebrity. The metropolitan theatre, there- 
 fore, can only be recruited from the best samples 
 which the provincial theatres will afford, and thi3 
 is a market, abundant as to quantity, but extremely 
 deficient as to quality. Johnson told Gscrnck that 
 he and his profession were mutually indebted to 
 each other : ?■ Your profession,' said the doctor, 
 1 has made you rich, and you have made your pro- 
 fession respectable.' Such men as Smith, Garrick, 
 Kemble, and Young, might do honour to any pro- 
 fession, and would, perhaps, have succeeded in 
 any ; but their attempting success in this depart- 
 ment is much more extraordinary than their attaining 
 it ; in general, those who possess the necessary 
 qualifications for an actor, also feel that they de- 
 serve to be something better, and this feeling dic- 
 tates a more respectable arena. Neither is the 
 title to talent bestowed by the suffrages of a metro- 
 politan audience always unequivocal. — Such an 
 audience is indeed a tribunal from which an actor 
 has no appeal ; but there are many causes which 
 conspire to warp and to bias its judgment ; and it 
 
LA CON. m 
 
 often happens, that it is more difficult to please a 
 country audience, than a London one. In a coun- 
 try theatre, there is nothing to bribe our decision? ; 
 the principal actor is badly supported, and must 
 depend solely on himself. In a London theatre, 
 the blaze of light and beauty, the splendour of the 
 scenery, the skill of the orchestra, are all adsciti- 
 tious attractions, acting as avani couriers for the 
 performer, and predisposing us to be pleased. Add 
 to this that the extended magnificence of a metro- 
 politan stage defends the actor from that micro- 
 scopic scrutiny, to which he must submit in the 
 country. We should also remember, that at times 
 it requires more courage to praise, than to censure, 
 and the metropolitan actor will always have this 
 advantage over the provincial, if we are pleased, 
 our taste is flattered in the one instance, but sus- 
 pected in the other. 
 
 Envy, if surrounded on all sides by the bright- 
 ness of another's prosperity, like the scorpion, 
 confined within a circle of fire, will sting itself to 
 death. 
 
 We should not be too niggardly in our praise, 
 for men will do more to support a character, than 
 to raise one. 
 
 There are no two things so much talked of, and 
 so seldom seen, as virtue and the funds. 
 
 The depravity of human nature is a favourite 
 topic with the priests, but they will not brook that 
 the laity should descant upon it: in this respect 
 they may be compared to those husbands who 
 
168 L A C O N . 
 
 freely abuse their own wives, but are ready to cut 
 the throats of any other man who does so. 
 
 If you cannot avoid a quarrel with a blackguard, 
 Jet your lawyer manage it, rather than yourself. 
 No man sweeps his own chimney, but employs a 
 chimney-sweeper, who has no objection to dirty 
 work, because it is his trade. 
 
 It is easier to pretend to be what you are not, 
 than to hide what you really are ; he that can ac- 
 complish both, has little to learn in hypocrisy. 
 
 In any public scheme or project, it is advisable 
 that the proposer or projector should not at first 
 present himself to the public as the sole mover in 
 the affair. His neighbours will not like his ego- 
 tism, if he be at all ambitious, nor will they willingly 
 co-operate in any thing that may place an equal a 
 single step above their own heads. Dr. Franklin 
 was the projector of many useful institutions in 
 the infant state of America. He attained his 
 object, and avoided envy, for he himself informs 
 us, that his secret was, to propose the measure at 
 first, not as originating in himself alone, but as the 
 joint recommendation of a few friends. The doc- 
 tor was no stranger to the workings of the human 
 heart ; for if his measures had failed, their failure 
 would not be attributed to him alone, and if they 
 succeeded, some one else would claim the merit 
 of being the first planner of them. But whenever 
 this happens, the original projector will be sure to 
 gain from the envy of mankind, that justice, which 
 he must not expect from their gratitude ; for all 
 the rest of the members will not patiently see an- 
 
LA CON. J69 
 
 other run away with the merit of that plan, which 
 originated in the first projector alone, Avho will, 
 therefore, be sure to reap his full due of praise in 
 the end, and with that interest which mankind will 
 always cheerfully pay, not so much for the justice 
 of rewarding the diffident, as for the pleasure of 
 lowering the vain. 
 
 Some well meaning Christians tremble for their 
 salvation, because they have never gone through 
 that valley of tears and of sorrow, which they 
 hav r e been taught to consider as an ordeal that must 
 be passed through, before they can arrive at regen- 
 eration : to satisfy such minds, it may be observed, 
 that the slightest sorrow for sin is sufficient, if it 
 produce amendment, and that the greatest is insuf- 
 ficient, if it do not. Therefore, by their own fruits 
 let them prove themselves ; for some soils will take 
 ihe good seed, without being watered by tears, or 
 harrowed up by affliction. 
 
 Shakspeare, Butler, and Bacon, have rendered 
 it extremely difficult for all who come after them, 
 to be sublime, witty, or profound. 
 
 If you have cause to suspect the integrity of one 
 with whom you must have dealings, take care that 
 you have no communication with him, if he has his 
 friend and you have not ; you are playing a dangerous 
 game, in which the odds are two to one against you. 
 
 Wh<;m the Methodists first decide on the doctrine 
 
 they approve, and then choose such pastors as they 
 
 know will preach no other, they act as wisely as 
 
 a patient, who should send for a physician, and 
 
 15 
 
170 LACOiN. 
 
 then prescribe to him what medicines he ought to 
 advise. 
 
 A necessitous man, who gives costly dinners^ 
 pays large sums to be laughed at. 
 
 Examinations are formidable, even to the best 
 prepared, for the greatest fool may ask, more than 
 the wisest man can answer. 
 
 It is better to have recourse to a quack, if he 
 can cure our disorder, although he cannot explain 
 it, than to a physician, if he can explain our disease, 
 but cannot cure it. In a certain consultation of 
 physicians, they all differed about the nature of 
 an intermittent, and all of them were ready to 
 define the disorder. The patient was a king. At 
 length an empiric, who had been called in, thus in- 
 terposed : ' Gentlemen, you all seem to differ about 
 the nature of an intermittent, permit me to explain 
 it : an intermittent, gentlemen, is a disorder which 
 I can cure, and which you cannot.' 
 
 It is a serious doubt, whether a wise man ought 
 to accept of a thousand years of life, even provided 
 that those three important advantages of health, 
 youth, and riches, could be securely guarantied 
 unto him. But this is an offer that can never be 
 refused, for it will never be made. Taking things 
 as thev really are, it must be confessed that life, 
 after forty, is an anti-climax, gradual indeed, and 
 progressive with some, but steep and rapid with 
 others. It would be well if old age diminished 
 our perceptibilities to pain, in the same proportion 
 that it does our sensibilities to pleasure ; and if life 
 
LAC ON. 171 
 
 has been termed a feast, those favoured few are the 
 most fortunate guests, who are not compelled to sit 
 at the table, when they can no longer partake of 
 the banquet. The misfortune is «that body and 
 mind, like man and wife, do not always agree to 
 die together. It is bad when the mind survives the 
 body ; and worse still when the body survives the 
 mind ; but, when both these survive our spirits, our 
 hopes, and our health, this is worst of all. 
 
 As some consolation for the fears of the brave, 
 and the follies of the wise, let us reflect on the 
 magnanimity that has been displayed by the weak, 
 and the disinterestedness that has been evinced by 
 the mistaken ; by those who have indeed grossly 
 erred, but have nobly acted. This reflection will 
 increase our veneration for virtue, when even its 
 shadow has produced substantial good, and uncon- 
 querable heroism ; since a phantom, when mis- 
 taken for her, has been pursued with an ardour that 
 gathered force from opposition^ constancy from per- 
 secution, and victory from death. 
 
 There is this difference between happiness and 
 wisdom ; he that thinks himself the happiest man, 
 really is so ; but he that thinks himself the wisest, 
 is generally the greatest fool. 
 
 Aristotle has said, that man is by nature a social 
 animal, and he might have added, a selfish one too. 
 Heroism, self-denial and magnanimity, in all instan- 
 ces, where they do not spring from a principle of 
 •religion, are but splendid altars on which we sacri- 
 fice one kind of self-iove to another. 1 think it is 
 Adam Smith who has observed, that J a man in 
 
172 LA.CON. 
 
 Europe were to go to bed with the conviction that 
 at the hour of twelve on the following morning, the 
 whole empire of China would be swallowed up by 
 an earthquake, it would not disturb his night's rest, 
 so much as the certainty, that, at the same hour, 
 he himself would be obliged to undergo the ampu- 
 tation of his little finger. It seems to be a law of 
 our nature, intended perhaps for our preservation, 
 that little evils, coming home to ourselves, should 
 affect us more than great evils, at a distance, hap- 
 pening to others ; but they must be evils that we 
 cannot prevent, and over which we have no control ; 
 for perhaps, there is no man who would not lose a 
 little finger to save China. It has been also 
 remarked, that if a state criminal were to be exe- 
 cuted opposite the doors of the theatre, at the mo- 
 ment of the performance of the deepest tragedy, 
 the emptiness of the house, and the sudden aban- 
 donment of the seats, would immediately testify, 
 how much more we are interested by witnessing 
 real misery than artificial. The result of such an 
 experiment would probably be this, that the galle- 
 ries would be wholly deserted, and the boxes in 
 part, but that the far greater part of the portion 
 of the audience in the pit would keep their stations ; 
 for the extremes of luxury,* on the one hand, and 
 
 * It was from the pavilion of pleasure and enjoyment 
 that the Fourteenth Louis sent out his orders for the devas- 
 tation of the whole Palatinate ; and it was from the bowl 
 and the banquet, that Nero issued forth to fiddle to the 
 flames of Rome; and, on the contrary, it was from the 
 loathsome bed of a most foul and incurable disease tha 
 Herod decreed the assassination of the Jewish nobility; 
 and Tippoo Saib ordered the murder of a corps of Chris- 
 tian slaves, the most cruel act of his cruel life, at a moment 
 when he justly anticipated his own death, and the confla- 
 gration of his capital. 
 
LACON. 173 
 
 of misery on the other, have a &( cided tendency to 
 harden the human mind : the middle class, inas- 
 much as it is equally removed from both these 
 extremes, seems to be that particular meridian, 
 under which all the kindlier affections, and the finer 
 sensibilities of our nature most readily flourish and 
 abound. Even if the theatre were wholly emptied 
 on such an occasion as that which I have noticed 
 above, it would not appear that we should be war- 
 ranted in affirming, that we are creatures so consti- 
 tuted as to derive happiness, not only from our own 
 pleasures, but from another's pains. For sympa- 
 thy, in some temperaments, will produce the same 
 conduct with insensibility in others, and the 
 effects will be similar, although the causes that pro- 
 duce them will be opposite. The famous * ama- 
 teur Anglais? who crossed the channel to witness 
 an execution at Paris, was never suspected of a 
 want of feeling ; but the servant girl, recorded by 
 Swift, who walked seven miles in a torrent of rain, 
 to see a criminal hanged, and returned crying and 
 sobbing because the man was reprieved, may with- 
 out any breach of Christian charity, be accused of 
 a total want of compassion and benevolence. 
 
 Analogy, although it is not infallible, is yet that 
 telescope of the mind by which it is marvellously 
 assisted in the discovery of both, physical and 
 moral truth. Analogy has much in store for men; 
 but babes require milk, and there may be intellec- 
 tual food which the present state of society is not 
 fit to partake of ; to lay such before it, would be as 
 absurd as to give a quadrant to an Indian, or a 
 loom to a Hottentot. There is a time for all 
 things, and it was necessary that a certain state oi 
 3 5* 
 
174 LACON. 
 
 civilization and refinement should precede, and as 
 it were, prepare the human mind for the reception 
 even of the noblest gift it has ever received, thb 
 law of God revealed by Christianity. Socrates 
 was termed a Christian, born some centuries before 
 his time. A state of society like the present, 
 obscured by selfishness, and disturbed by warfare, 
 presents a medium almost impervious to the ray 
 of moral truth ; the muddy sediment must subside, 
 and the tempest must cease, before the sun can 
 illuminate the lake. I foresee the period, when 
 some new and parent idea in morals, the matrix of 
 a better order of things, shall reconcile us more 
 completely to God, to nature, arid to ourselves. 
 In physics, there are many discoveries already 
 made, too powerful to be safe, too unmanageable 
 to be subservient. Like the behemoth, described 
 by Job, who could neither be tamed to render sport 
 for the maidens, nor to bend his neck to the plough, 
 so these discoveries in physics have not yet been 
 subdued by any hand bold enough to apply them, 
 either to the elegancies, or to the necessities of 
 life. Let any man reflect on the revolution pro- 
 duced i i society by two simple and common things, 
 glass and gunpowder. What then ? Shall some 
 discoveries in physics be so important as to pro- 
 duce a complete revolution in society, and others 
 so powerful that the very inventors of them have 
 not as yet dared to apply them, and shall not dis- 
 coveries in morals be allowed a still more para- 
 mount and universal influence ; an influence the 
 greater, in proportion as matter is inferior to mind ? 
 For we must remember that analogy was that 
 powerful engine, which in the mind of a Newton 
 discovered to us the laws of all other worlds ; and 
 
L A C ON. 175 
 
 in that of a Columbus put us in full possession of 
 our own. 
 
 Society, like a shaded silk, must be viewed in 
 all situations, or its colours will deceive us. — Gold- 
 smith observed, that one man who travels through 
 Europe on foot, and who, like Scriblerus, makes 
 his legs his compasses, and another who is whisked 
 through in a chaise and four, will form very differ- 
 ent conclusions, at the end of their journey. The 
 philosopher, therefore, will draw his estimate of 
 human nature, by varying as much as possible his 
 own situation, to multiply the points of view under 
 which he observes her. Uncircumscribed by lines 
 of latitude or of longitude, he will examine her 
 buttoned up and laced in the forms and ceremonies 
 of civilization, and at her ease, unrestrained, in the 
 light and feathered costume of the savage. He will 
 also associate with the highest without servility, 
 and with the lowest without vulgarity. In short, 
 in the grand theatre of human life, he will visit the 
 pit and the gallery, as well as the boxes, but he 
 will not inform the boxes that he comes amongst 
 them from the pit, nor the pit that he visits them 
 from the gallery. 
 
 A second profession seldom succeeds, not be- 
 cause a man may not make himself fully equal to 
 its duties, but because the world will not readily 
 believe he is so. The world argue thus ; he that 
 has failed in his first profession, to which he dedi- 
 cated the morning of his life, and the spring-time 
 of his exertions, is not the most likely person to 
 master a second. To this it may be replied, that 
 a man's first profession is often chosen for him by 
 
176 L A C O N . 
 
 others ; his second, he usually decides upon for 
 himself; therefore, his failure in his first profes- 
 sion may for what they know, be mainly owing to 
 the secret but sincere attentions he was constantly 
 paying to his second ; and in this case he may be 
 compared to those who having suffered others to 
 prescribe to them a wife, have taken the liberty to 
 consult themselves in the choice of a mistress. 
 
 It has been well observed, that the tongue dis- 
 covers the state of the mind, no less than tha*. 
 of the body; but, in either case before the philo- 
 sopher or the physician can judge, the patient 
 must open his mouth. Some men envelop them- 
 selves in such an impenetrable cloak of silence, 
 that the tongue will afford us no symptoms of 
 the temperament of the mind. Such taciturnity, 
 indeed, is wise if they are fools, but foolish if they 
 are wise ; and the only method to form a judgment 
 of these mutes, is narrowly to observe when, 
 where, and how, they smile. It shows much more 
 stupidity to be grave at a good thing, than to be 
 merry at a bad one ; and of all ignorance, that 
 which is silent, is the least productive, for praters 
 may suggest an idea if they cannot start one. 
 
 The labouring classes of the community, in the 
 metropolis, are vastly inferior, in point of intellect, 
 to the same order of society in the country. The 
 mind of the city artificer is mechanized by his 
 constant attention to one single object; an atten- 
 tion into which he is of necessity drilled and dis- 
 ciplined by the minute subdivision of labour, which 
 improves, I admit, the art, but debilitates the artist, 
 and converts the man into a mere breathing part 
 
LACON. 177 
 
 of that machinery by which he works. The rustic, 
 on the contrary, who is obliged to turn his hand to 
 every thing, and must often make his tool before he 
 can use it, is pregnant with invention, and fertile 
 in resource. It is true, that by a combination 
 of their different employments, the city artificers 
 produce specimens in their respective vocations, 
 far superior to the best efforts of the rustics. But 
 if, from the effects of systematic combination, the 
 cits infer an individual superiority, they are wofully 
 deceived. 
 
 The society of dead authors has this advantage 
 over that of the living, they never flatter us to our 
 faces, slander us behind our backs, intrude upon 
 our privacy, or quit their shelves until we take 
 them down. Besides, it is always easy to shut a 
 book, but not quite so easy to get rid of a lettered 
 coxcomb. Living authors therefore are often bad 
 companions ; if they have not gained a character, 
 they seek to do so, by methods often ridiculous, 
 always disgusting ; and if they have established a 
 character, they are silent, for fear of losing by 
 their tongue what they have acquired by their 
 pen ; many authors converse much more foolishly 
 than Goldsmith, who have never written half so 
 well. 
 
 If you would be known and not know, vegetate 
 in a village ; if you would know, and not be known, 
 live in a city. 
 
 That modes of government have much more fa 
 do with the formation of national character, than 
 soils, suns and climates, is sufficiently evident 
 
178 L A C O N . 
 
 from the present state of Greece and Rome com 
 pared with the ancient. Give these nations back 
 their former governments, and all their national 
 energies would return, and enable them to accom- 
 modate themselves to any conceivable change of 
 climate ; but no conceivable change of climate 
 would enable them to recover their former energies. 
 In fact, so powerful are all the causes that are 
 connected with changes in their governments, that 
 they have sometimes made whole nations alcer as 
 suddenly and as capriciously as individuals. The 
 "Romans laid down their liberties at the feet of 
 Nero, who would not even lend them to Cesar ; 
 and we have lately seen the whole French nation 
 rush as one man, from the very extremes of loyalty, 
 to behead the mildest monarch that ever ruled 
 them; and conclude a sanguinary career of plun- 
 der, by pardoning and renewing a tyrant, to whom 
 their blood was but water, and their groans but 
 wind ; thus they sacrificed one, a martyr to his 
 clemency, and they rewarded another, who lives to 
 boast of his murders. 
 
 He that gives a portion of his time and talent to 
 the investigation of mathematical truth, will com© 
 to all other questions with a decided advantage 
 over his opponents. He will be in argument what 
 the ancient Romans were in the field ; to them the 
 day of battle was a day of comparative recreation, 
 because they were ever accustomed to exercise 
 with arms much heavier than they fought ; and 
 their reviews differed from a real battle in twe 
 respects, they encountered more fatigue, but the 
 victory w as bloodless. 
 
LACON. 179 
 
 A peace, for the making of which the negociator 
 has been the most liberally rewarded, is usually a 
 bad peace. He is rewarded on the score of 
 having overreached his enemy, and for having 
 made a peace, the advantages of which are clearly 
 on his own side. Such a peace will not be kept : 
 and that is the best peace which is most likely to 
 be the firmest. Now, a peace where the advan- 
 tages are balanced, and which consults the good 
 of both parties, is the firmest, because both par- 
 ties are interested in its preservation ; for parch 
 ment bonds, and seals of state, will not restrain a 
 discontented nation, that has arms in her hands, 
 and knows how to use them. 
 
 No men despise physic so much as physicians, 
 because no men so thoroughly understand how 
 little it can perform. They have been tinkering 
 the human constitution four thousand years, in 
 order to cure about as many disorders. The result 
 is, that mercury and brimstone are the only two 
 specifics they have discovered. All the fatal mala- 
 dies continue to be what they were in the days of 
 Paracelsus, Hippocrates, and Galen, ' opprobria 
 medicorurn?* It is true that each disorder has a 
 thousand prescriptions, but not a single remedy. 
 They pour^a variety of salts and acids into a mar- 
 ble mortar, and expect similar results when these 
 ingredients are poured into the human stomach: 
 but what can be so groundless as reasonings built 
 on such analogies ?t The marble mortar admits 
 
 * The disgrace of physicians. — Pub. 
 
 t It is more safe to imitate the conduct of the late Dr. 
 Heberden. He paid the strictest attention to symptoms, 
 and to temperaments, and having ascertained these, to the 
 
]80 LAC ON. 
 
 the agency of atmospherical air, which c armot be 
 said of the human stomach ; and, again, the stom- 
 ach possesses life* and the gastric juice, which 
 cannot be said of the marble mortar. 
 
 r J here are two metals, one of which is compo- 
 nent in the cabinet, and the other in the camp — 
 gold and iron. He that knows how to apply tl em 
 both, may indeed attain the highest station, but 
 he must know something mtore, to keep it. It has 
 been doubted whether Cromwell, with all his pre- 
 tended sanctity, and all his real courage, could 
 have maintained his power one year longer, even 
 if he had not died on the anniversary of that very 
 day, which he had always considered as the most 
 fortunate of his life. For Cromwell had also his 
 high destinies, and his lucky days. 
 
 Antithesis may be the blossom of wit, but it will 
 never arrive at maturity unless sound sense be the 
 trunk, and truth the root. 
 
 best of his judgment, he prescribed such remedies as he 
 had always observed to be beneficial to others under similar 
 circumstances ; and what was of still greater consequence, 
 he carefully avoided what long experience had taught him 
 would do harm. Here he stopped, for he wa« not so pre- 
 sumptuous as to frame theories to explain the why, and the 
 therefore, this did harm, or that did good; he was too 
 much occupied in things of greater importance, well know- 
 ing that the wisest of us know nothing of life, but by its 
 effects, and that the consequences of every prescription, 
 are far more clear and apparent, than the causes that pro- 
 duce them. 
 
 * The gastric juice will not act upon a living stomach, 
 although it will rapidly decompose a deal one. 
 
L A C ON. 181 
 
 Posthumous charities are the very essence of 
 selfishness, when bequeathed by those, who when 
 alive, would part with nothing. In Catholic coun- 
 tries there is no mortmain act ; and those who, 
 when dying, empoverish their relations by leaving 
 tncir fortunes to be expended in masses for them- 
 selves, have been shrewdly said to leave their own 
 souls their heirs. 
 
 The science of the mathematics performs more 
 than it promises, but the science of metaphysics 
 piomises more than it performs. The study of the 
 mathematics, like the Nile, begins in minuteness, 
 but ends in magnificence; but the study of meta- 
 physics begins with a torrent of tropes, and a copi- 
 ous current of words ; yet loses itself at last in 
 obscurity and conjecture, like the Niger in his bar- 
 ren deserts of sand 
 
 To be continually subject to the breath of slan- 
 der, will tarnish the purest virtue, as a constant 
 exposure to the atmosphere will obscure the bright- 
 ness of the finest gold ; but in either case, the real 
 value of both continues the same, although the 
 currency may be somewhat impeded. 
 
 The mob is a monster with the hands of Bria- 
 reu&, but the head of Polyphemus — strong to exe- 
 cute, but blind to perceive. 
 
 When we apply to the conduct of the ancient 
 Romans, the pure and unbending principles of 
 Christianity, we try those noble delinquents unjustly, 
 inasmuch as we condemn them by the severe sen- 
 tence of an ' ex post facto 1 law. 
 16 
 
t82 L A C O N . 
 
 Strong as our passions are, they may be starved 
 into submission, and conquered without being 
 killed. 
 
 Great men, like great cities, have many crooked 
 arts and dark alleys in their hearts, whereby he 
 that knows them may save himself much time and 
 trouble. 
 
 There are some men who are fortune's favour- 
 ites, and who, like cats, light forever upon their 
 legs ; didappers* whom if you had stripped naked 
 and thrown over Westminster bridge, you might 
 meet on the very next day, with bag-wigs on their 
 heads, swords by their sides, laced coats upon their 
 backs, and money in their pockets. 
 
 We may doubt of the existence of matter, if we 
 please, and, like Berkely, deny it, without subject- 
 ing ourselves to the shame of a very conclusive 
 confutation ; but there is this remarkable difference 
 between matter and mind ; he that doubts the ex 
 istence of mind, by doubting, proves it. 
 
 The policy of drawing a public revenue from the 
 private vices of drinking and of gaming, is as pur- 
 blind as it is pernicious ; for temperate men drink 
 the most, because they drink the longest ; and a 
 gamester contributes much less to the revenue than 
 the industrious, because he is much sooner ruined. 
 When Mandeville maintained that private vices 
 were public benefits, he did not calculate tne widely 
 destructive influence »*? bad example. To affirm 
 that a vicious man is on\y his own enemy, is abou* 
 
L A C O N . 183 
 
 as wise as to affirm that a virtuous man is only his 
 own friend. 
 
 Russia, like the elephant, is rather unwieldy m 
 attacking others, but most formidable in defending 
 herself. She proposes this dilemma to all inva- 
 ders — a dilemma that Napoleon discovered too late. 
 The horns of it are short and simple, but strong. 
 Come unto me with few, and I will overwhelm you ; 
 lome to me with many, and you shall overwhelm your- 
 selves. 
 
 The art of destruction seems to have proceeded 
 geometrically, while the art of preservation cannot 
 be said to have advanced even in a plain arithmet- 
 ical progression ; for there are but two specifics 
 known that will infallibly cure their two respective 
 diseases. The modes of destroying life have 
 increased so rapidly, that conquerors have not to 
 consider how to murder men, but out of the num- 
 berless methods invented, are only puzzled which 
 to choose. If any nation should hereafter dis- 
 cover a new mode of more inevitable destruction to 
 its enemies, than is yet known, (and some late ex- 
 periments in chymistry make this supposition far 
 from improbable), it would, in that case, become 
 absolutely necessary for all neighbouring nations to 
 attempt a similar discovery ; or that nation, which 
 continued in sole possession of so tremendous a 
 secret, would, like the serpent of Aaron, swallow 
 up all the neighbouring nations, and ultimately sub- 
 jugate the world. Let such a secret be at once 
 known by any particular nation, and by the activity 
 of all neighbouring states, in every possible effort 
 of vigilant and sleepless espionage, and by the 
 
J84 L A C O N . 
 
 immense rewards proposed for information, man 
 kind would soon perceive which of the two arts 
 government considered of the greatest consequence 
 — the art of preservation or that of destruction 
 If indeed, any new and salutary mode of preserv- 
 ing life were discovered, such a discovery would 
 not awaken the jealousy, nor become in any degree 
 such a stimulus to the inventive faculties of othei 
 nations, as the art of destruction ; princes and 
 potentates would look on with indifference; the 
 progress of such discoveries has always been slow, 
 and their salutary consequences remote and preca- 
 rious. Inoculation was practised in Turkey long 
 before it was known in Europe ; and vaccination 
 has at this moment many prejudices to contend 
 with. The Chinese, who aspire to be thought an 
 enlightened nation, to this day are ignorant of the 
 circulation of the blood ; and even in England, the 
 man who made that noble discovery, lost all his 
 practice in consequence of his ingenuity ; Hume 
 informs us, that no physician in the United King 
 doms who had attained the age of forty, ever sub 
 mitted to Harvey's theory, but went on preferring 
 numpsimus to sumpsimus to the day of his death. 
 So true is that line of the satirist, ' A fool at forty 
 is a fool indeed ;' and we may also add, on this 
 occasion, another line from another satirist: — 
 
 * Durum est, 
 ' Quoz juvenes didicere, senes perdenda fateri?* 
 
 There are two things, which united, constitute 
 the value of any acquisition, its difficulty and its 
 
 * It is hard for men to think that worthies*, which as boys 
 they have toiled to learn. — Pub. 
 
LA CON. J85 
 
 utility The bulk of mankind, with Bayes in the 
 Rehearsal, like what will astonish, rather than 
 what will improve. Dazzled by the difficulty, 
 they examine not the utility ; and he that benefits 
 them by some mode which they can comprehend, 
 is not so sure of their applause, as the political 
 juggler who merely surprises them, they know not 
 how. 
 
 God is on the side of virtue ; for whoever dreads 
 punishment, suffers it, and whoever deserves it, 
 dreads it. 
 
 The most disagreeable two-legged animal I know, 
 is a little great man, and the next, a little great man's 
 factotum and friend. 
 
 There are some men, whose enemies are to be 
 pitied much, and their friends more. 
 
 Civil and religious freedom go hand in hand, and 
 in no country can much of the one long exist, with- 
 out producing a corresponding portion of the other. 
 No despotism, therefore, is so complete, as that 
 which imposes ecclesiastical as well as political 
 restrictions ; and those tyrants in Christendom, 
 who discourage popery, have learned but half their 
 lesson. Provided tyrants will assist her in fettering 
 the mind, she # will most readily assist them in en 
 slaving the bod v. 
 
 There are some persons whose erudition so much 
 
 outweighs their observation, and who have read so 
 
 much, and reflected so little, that they will not 
 
 hazard the most familiar truism, or common-place 
 
 16* 
 
186 L A C O N . 
 
 allegation, without bolstering up their rickety judg 
 ments in the swaddling bands of antiquity, theii 
 doating nurse and preceptress.— Thus, they will not 
 be satisfied to say that content is a blessing, that 
 time is a treasure, or that self-knowledge is to be 
 desired, without quoting Aristotle, Thales, or Cle- 
 obulus ; and yet these very men, if they met ano- 
 ther walking in noonday by the smoky light of a 
 lantern, would be the first to stop and ridicule such 
 conduct, but the last to recognise in his folly, their 
 own. 
 
 Mystery magnifies danger, as the fog the sun. 
 The hand that unnerved Belshazzer derived its most 
 horrifying influence from the want of a body ; and 
 death itself is not formidable in what we know of 
 it, but in what we do not. 
 
 Levity is often less foolish, and gravity less wise, 
 than each of them appear. 
 
 Revenge is a fever in our own blood, to be cured 
 only by letting the blood of another ; but the 
 remedy too often produces a relapse, which is re 
 morse — a malady far more dreadful than the first 
 disease, because it is incurable. 
 
 Afflictions sent by Providence, melt the con- 
 stancy of the noble minded, but confirm the obdu- 
 racy of the vile. The same furnace that hardens 
 clay, liquefies gold ; and in the strong manifestations 
 of divine power, Pharaoh found his punishment, 
 but David his pardon. 
 
LACON. 187 
 
 When young, we trust ourselves too much, and 
 v, <;• trust others too little when old. Rashness is 
 the error of youth, timid caution of age. Man- 
 hood is the isthmus between the two extremes : 
 the ripe, the fertile season of action, when alone 
 we can hope to find the head to contrive, united 
 with the hand to execute. 
 
 The French nation despises all other nations, 
 except the English ; we have the honour of her 
 hate, only because she cannot despise us. 
 
 The firmest friendships have been formed in 
 mutual adversity, as iron is most strongly united 
 by the fiercest flame. 
 
 Neutrality is no favourite with Providence, for 
 we are so formed that it is scarcely possible for 
 us to stand neuter in our hearts, although we may 
 deem it prudent to appear so in our actions. 
 
 Religion, like its votaries, while it exists on earth, 
 must have a body as well as a soul. A religion 
 purely spiritual, might suit a being as pure, but 
 men are compound animals ; and the body too of- 
 ten lords it over the mind. 
 
 Secrecy has been well termed the soul of all 
 great designs ; perhaps more has been effected by 
 concealing our own intentions, than by discovering 
 those of our enemy. But great men succeed in 
 both. 
 
 Always look at those whom you are talking to, 
 uever at those you are talking of 
 
188 LAC ON. 
 
 There are some truths, the force and validity of 
 which we readily admit, in all cases except oui 
 own ; and there are other truths so self-evident that 
 we dare not deny them, but so dreadful that we 
 dare not believe them. 
 
 Many speak the truth, when they say that the} 
 despise riches and preferment, but they mean the 
 riches and preferment possessed by other men. 
 
 If the weakness of the head, were an admissible 
 excuse for the malevolence of the heart, the one 
 half of mankind would be occupied in aggression, 
 and the other half in forgiveness ; but the inte- 
 rests of society peremptorily demand that things 
 should not be so ; for a fool is often as dangerous 
 to deal with as a knave, and always more incorri 
 gible. 
 
 There are prating coxcombs in the world, who 
 would rather talk than listen, although Shakspeare 
 himself were the orator, and human nature the 
 theme f 
 
 The greatest professor and proficient in any 
 science, loves it not so sincerely as to be fully 
 pleased with any finer effort in it than he can Mm- 
 self produce. The feeling excited on such an 
 occasion, is a mixed sensation of envy, delight, and 
 despair ; but the bitters here are as two, the sweets 
 but as one. 
 
 Gaming is the child of avarice, but the parent 
 of prodigality. 
 
LACON. 189 
 
 Never join with your friend when he abuses his 
 horse, or his wife, unless the one is about to be 
 sold, and the other buried. 
 
 Husbands cannot be principals m their own 
 cuckoldom, but they are parties to it much more 
 often than they themselves imagine. 
 
 Professors in every branch of the sciences pre- 
 fer their own theories to truth : }he reason is. that 
 their theories are private property, but truth is com- 
 mon stock. 
 
 It is dangerous to be much praised in private 
 circles, before our reputation is fully established in 
 the world. 
 
 Many designing men, by asking small favours 
 and evincing great gratitude, have eventually obtain- 
 ed the most important ones. There is something 
 in the human mind (perhaps the force of habit,) 
 which strongly inclines us to continue to oblige 
 those whom we have begun to oblige, and to injure 
 those whom we have begun to injure ; * eo injurio- 
 sior quia nocuerat?* 
 
 Law and equity are two things which God hath 
 joined, but which man hath put asunder. 
 
 It is safer to be attacked by some men, than to 
 he protected by them. 
 
 The greater enemy because he had already injured. — Pua 
 
190 LACON, 
 
 .Persecuting bigots maybe compared to those 
 burning lenses which Leuhenhoeck and others 
 composed from ice ; by their chilling apathy, they 
 freeze the suppliant ; by their fiery zeal, they burn 
 the sufferer. 
 
 As the rays of the sun, notwithstanding their 
 velocity, injure not the eye, by reason of their 
 minuteness, so the attacks of envy, notwithstand- 
 ing their number, ought not to wound our virtue by 
 reason of their insignificance. 
 
 There is a holy love, and a holy rage ; and our 
 best virtues never glow so brightly as when out 
 passions are excited in the cause. Sloth, if it has 
 prevented many crimes, has also smothered many 
 virtues, and the best of us are better when roused 
 Passion is to virtue, what wine was to iEschylus 
 and to Ennius, under its inspiration their powers 
 were at their height. 
 
 Fear debilitates and lowers, but hope animates 
 andrevives; therefore rulers and magistrates should 
 attempt to operate on the minds of their respective 
 subjects, if possible, by reward rather than punish- 
 ment. And this principle will be strengthened by 
 another consideration ; he that is punished or 
 rewarded, while he falls or rises in the estimation 
 of others, cannon fail to do so likewise in his own 
 
 Men pursue riches under the idea that their pos- 
 session will set them at ease, and above the world. 
 But the law of association often makes those who 
 begin by loving gold as a servant, finish by becom 
 
L A C O N . 191 
 
 ing themselves its slave ; and independence with- 
 out wealth, is at least as common as wealth without 
 independence. 
 
 If St. Paul were again to appear on earth, since 
 all the multifarious denominations of Christians 
 would claim him, which would he choose 1 The 
 apostle James shalt answer : ! Pure religion and 
 undejiled before God and the Father, is this : to visit 
 the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and t9 
 keep himself unspotted from the world.'' 
 
 Grant graciously what you cannot refuse safely, 
 and conciliate those you cannot conquer. 
 
 There are politic friendships which knaves find 
 it necessary to keep up with those whom they mean 
 the more effectually to ruin; for most men may be 
 led to their destruction, few can be driven. Had 
 Talleyrand's enmity to Napoleon manifested itself 
 in opposition, it would have been fatal, not to his 
 master, but to himself; he maintained, therefore, a 
 friendship that not only aggrandized himself, but 
 opened a door for the communication of that advice 
 that enabled him eventually to ruin his master. 
 
 The martyrs to vice, far exceed the martyrs to 
 virtue, both in endurance and in number. So blinded 
 are we by our passions, that we suffer more to be 
 damned than to be saved. 
 
 Demagogues, however fond they may affect to 
 be of independence and liberty in their public 
 speeches, aie invariably tories in their private 
 actions, and despots in their own families. The 
 
192 LACON. 
 
 most violent of them have usually been formed by 
 the refusal of some unreasonable request ; and their 
 patriotism appears in a very questionable shape, 
 when we see that they rejoice in just as much pub- 
 lic calamity as introduces them into power, and 
 supplants their rivals.* 
 
 Restorations disappoint the loyal. If princes at 
 such times, have much to give, they have also much 
 to gain ; and policy dictates the necessity of be- 
 stowing rather to conciliate enemies, than to reward 
 friends, f 
 
 * The real difference, therefore, between a tory and a 
 whig would seem to be this: the one has power, the other 
 wants it. Samuel Johnson was not a little disconcerted by 
 animexpected retort made upon him before a large party at 
 Oxford, by Dr. Crowe. The principles of our lexicogra- 
 pher ran with too much violence in one way, not to foam a 
 little when they met with a current running equally strong 
 in another. The dispute happened to turn upon the origin 
 of whiggism, for Johnson had triumphantly challenged Dr 
 Crowe to tell him who was the first whig ; the latter find- 
 ing himself a little puzzled, Dr. Johnson tauntingly rejoin- 
 ed, * I see, sir, that you are even ignorant of the head of your 
 own party, but I will tell you, sir: the devil was the firs/ 
 whig ; he was the first reformer ; he wanted to set up a re- 
 form even in heaven.' Dr. Crowe calmly replied, 'I am 
 much obliged to you for your information, and I certainly 
 did not foresee that you would go so far back for your au- 
 thority ; yet I rather fear that your argument makes against 
 yourself; for if the devil was a whig, you have admitted 
 that while he was a whig, he was in heaven, but you have 
 forgotten that the moment he got into hell, he set up for a 
 tory.' 
 
 t The amnesty act of Charles the Second was termed an 
 act of oblivion to his friends, but of grateful remembrance 
 to his foes. And on another occasion, the loyalty of the 
 brave Crillon was not strengthened by any reward, onlj 
 because it was considered too firm to be shaken by any 
 neglect. 
 
LACON. 193 
 
 In our attempt to deceive the world, those are 
 the most likely to detect us, who are sailing on the 
 same tack. 
 
 None know how to draw long bills on futurity, 
 that never will be honoured, better than Mahomet. 
 He possessed himself of a large stock of real and 
 present pleasure and power here, by promising a 
 visionary quantum of those good things to his fol- 
 lowers hereafter ; and like the maker of an alma- 
 nack, made his fortune in this world, by telling 
 absurd lies about another. 
 
 There are three things, that, well understood, 
 and conscientiously practised, would save the 
 three professions a \ast deal of trouble ; but we 
 must not expect that every member of the profes- 
 sions would thank us for such a discovery, for 
 some of them have too much time upon their 
 hands ; and a philosopher would be more inclined 
 to smile than to wonder, should he now and then 
 hear a physician crying down regimen ; a lawyer 
 equity ; or a priest, morality. 
 
 We are ruined, not by what we really want, but 
 by what we think we do ; therefore, never go 
 abroad in search of your wants, if they be real 
 wants, they will come home in search of you ; for 
 he that buys what he does not want, will soon 
 want what he cannot buy. 
 
 No two things differ more than hurry and de- 
 spatch. Hurry is the mark of a weak mind, de- 
 spatch of a strong one. A weak man in office, like 
 a squirrel in a cage, is labouring eternally, but to no 
 17 
 
194 LA CON. 
 
 purpose, and in constant motion without getting on 
 a jot ; like a turnstile, he is in every body's way, 
 but stops nobody ; he talks a great deal, but says 
 very little ; looks into every thing but sees into 
 nothing ; and has a hundred irons in the fire, but 
 very few of them are hot, and with those few that 
 are, he only burns his fingers. 
 
 If none were to reprove the vicious, excepting 
 those who sincerely hate vice, there would be 
 much less censoriousness in the world. Our Mas- 
 ter could love the criminal while he hated the 
 crime, but we his disciples, too often love the 
 crime but hate the criminal. A perfect knowledge 
 of the depravity of the human heart, with perfect 
 pity for the infirmities of it, never co-existed but 
 in one breast, and never will. 
 
 Rats and conquerors must expect no mercy in 
 misfortune. 
 
 Hesitation is a sign of weakness, for inasmuch 
 as the comparative good and evil of the diiTeren 
 modes of action, about which we hesitate, are sel- 
 dom equally balanced, a strong mind should per- 
 ceive the slightest inclination of the beam, with tho 
 glance of an eagle, particularly as there are cases 
 where the preponderance will be very minute, even 
 although there should be life in one scale, and death 
 in the other. It is recorded of the late Earl of 
 Berkely, that he was suddenly awakened at night 
 in his carriage by a highwayman, who forcing a 
 pistol through the window and presenting it close 
 to his breast, demanded his money, exclaiming at 
 the same time, that he had heard his lordship had 
 
LACON. 195 
 
 boasted that he never would be robbed by a si?igle 
 highwayman, but that he should now be taught the 
 contrary. His lordship putting his hand into his 
 pocket, replied : ■ Neither would I now be robbed, 
 if it was not for that fellow who is looking over 
 your shoulder.' The highwayman turned round 
 his head, when his lordship, who had drawn a 
 pistol from his pocket, instead of a purse, shot 
 him on the spot. 
 
 Some are so censorious as to advance, that 
 those who have discovered a thorough knowledge 
 of all the depravity of the human heart, must be 
 themselves depraved ; but this is about as wise as 
 to affirm that every physician who understands a 
 disease, must be himself diseased. 
 
 The learned have often amused themselves by 
 publishing the follies of the dunces ; but if the 
 dunces would retaliate by publishing the blunders 
 of the learned, they might for once put forth a 
 volume that would not be dull, although it would be 
 large. Dr. Johnson, when publishing his diction- 
 ary, requested through the medium of one of the 
 journals, the etymology of curmudgeon. Some one 
 shortly afterwards answered the doctor's advertise- 
 ment, by observing that it was in all probability 
 derived from cozur mediant; these words he did 
 not think it necessary to translate, but merely put 
 as his signature, 'An unknown correspondent? A 
 brother lexicographer, who was also preparing a 
 dictionary, got to press before the doctor, and inge* 
 niously, as he thought, forestalled him in the article 
 
196 LACON. 
 
 of curmudgeon, where to the no small amusement 
 of all etymologists, he had thus derived it, ' cur- 
 mudgeon, from coeur me chant, an unknown corres* 
 pondent //' 
 
 The profoundly wise do not declaim against 
 superficial* knowledge in others, so much as the 
 profoundly ignorant ; on the contrary, they would 
 rather assist it with their advice than overwhelm 
 it with their contempt, for they know that there 
 was a period when even a Bacon or a Newton 
 was superficial, and that he who has a little 
 knowledge is far more likelv to get more than he 
 that has none. When the great Harvey was 
 whipped at school for an experiment upon a cat, his 
 Orbilius could not foresee in the little urchin that 
 he was flagellating, the future discoverer of the cir- 
 culation of the blood. The progress of the mind 
 in science, is not very unlike the progress of sci- 
 ence herself in experiment. When the air-balloon 
 was first discovered, some one flippantly asked Dr. 
 Franklin what was the use of it ? The doctor 
 answered this question by asking anoiher: ■ What 
 
 * Desperately wounded, and at a fearful distance from 
 all surgical help, I owe my own life, under Providence to 
 a slight smattering in anatomy, by which I knew that the 
 pressure of the finger close to the clavis would effectually 
 stop the whole circulation of the arm ; but this served my 
 purpose at that time, as well as if I had been sufficiently 
 skilled in the science, to be the demonstrator to a Cline or 
 a Brodie. 1" cannot express my gratitude better to those 
 very able and skilful surgeons who attended me on that 
 occasion, than by saying that their success has excited the 
 astonishment of some of the most eminent practitioners in 
 this metropolis, who have also expressed their doubts even 
 as to the attempt of saving the limb, had such an accidenl 
 occurred in London. 
 
L A C O N . 197 
 
 is the use of a new-born infant 1 It may become a 
 man. 1 
 
 When I hear persons gravely affirm that they 
 have made up their minds to forego this or that 
 improper enjoyment, I often think in myself thai 
 it would be quite as prudent, if they could also 
 make up their bodies as well. Fa! staff would have 
 been as abstemious at the banquet as a hermit, 
 and as firm in the battle as a hero, if he could have 
 but gained over the consent of his belly in the one 
 case, and of his legs in the other. He that strives 
 for the mastery, must join a well-disciplined body, 
 to a well-re gulated mind ; for with mind and body, 
 as with man and wife, it often happens that the 
 stronger vessel is ruled by the weaker, although 
 in moral, as in domestic economy, matters are best 
 conducted, where neither parties are unreasonable, 
 and where both are agreed. 
 
 Those who visit foreign nations, but who asso- 
 ciate only with their own countrymen, change 
 their climate, but not their customs, ' caelum non 
 animum mutant :'* they see new meridians, but the 
 same men, and with heads as empty as their 
 pockets, return home, with travelled bodies, but 
 untra\ r elled minds. 
 
 Conversation is the music of the mind, an intel- 
 lectual orchestra, where all the instruments should 
 bear a part, but where none should play together 
 Each of the performers should have a just appre- 
 
 * They change their climate, not their charccler. — Pub. 
 
we LACON, 
 
 ciation of his own powers, otherwise an unskilful 
 novice, who might usurp the first fiddle, would 
 infallibly get into a scrape. To prevent these mis- 
 takes, a, good master of the band will be very par- 
 ticular in the assortment of the performers, if too 
 dissimilar, there will be no harmony, if too few, 
 there will be no variety; and if too numerous, 
 there will be no order, for the presumption of one 
 prater,* might silence the eloquence of a Burke, or 
 the wit of a Sheridan, as a single kettledrum would 
 drown the finest solo of a Gionowich or a Jordini. 
 
 Man is an imbodied paradox, a bundle of con- 
 tradictions ; and as some set-off against the mar- 
 vellous things that he has done, we might fairly 
 adduce the monstrous things that he has believed. 
 The more gross the fraud,f the more glibly will it 
 go down, and the more greedily will it be swal- 
 lov/ed, since folly will always find faith wherever 
 impostors will find impudence. 
 
 Although the majority of the inhabitants of Lon- 
 don will stop to gaze at the merest trifles, will be 
 amused by the heavies* efforts of dulness, and will 
 believe their grossest absurdities, though they are 
 
 * Butler compared the tongues of these eternal talkers to 
 racehorses, which go the faster the less weight they carry ; 
 and Cumberland has observed, that they take possession 
 of a subject as a highwayman does of a purse, without 
 knowing its contents, or caring to whom it belongs. 
 
 t Who could have supposed that such a wretch as Joan- 
 na Southcote could have gained numerous and wealthy 
 proselytes, in the nineteenth century, in an era of general 
 illumination, and in the first metropolis of the world 1 I 
 answer, none but philosophers, whose creed it is ' nil admu 
 ran,' when the folly of mankind is the subject. 
 
LACON, 199 
 
 the dupes of all that is designing abroaj, or con- 
 temptible at home, yet, by residing in this wonder 
 ful metropolis, let not the wisest man presume to 
 think that, he shall not add to his wisdom, nor the 
 most experienced man to his experience. 
 
 He that dies a martyr, proves that he was not a 
 knave, but by no means that he was not a fool; 
 since the most absurd doctrines are not without 
 such evidence as martyrdom can produce. A 
 martyr, therefore, by the mere act of suffering, 
 can prove nothing but his own faith. If, as was 
 the case of the primitive Christian martyrs, it 
 should clearly appear that the sufferer could not 
 have been himself deceived, then, indeed, the evi- 
 dence rises high, because the act of martyrdom 
 absolves him from the charge of wilfully deceiving 
 others. 
 
 Of governments, that of the mob is the most san- 
 guinary, that of soldiers the most expensive, and 
 that of civilians the most vexatious. 
 
 When a man has displayed talent in some partic- 
 ular path, and left all competitors behind him in it, 
 the w T orld are too apt to give him credit for a univer- 
 sality of genius, and to anticipate for him success 
 in all that he undertakes. Rut to appear qualified 
 Ig fill the department of another, is much more easy, 
 than really to master our own ; and those who have 
 succeeded in one profession, have seldom been able 
 to afford the time necessary to the fully understand- 
 ing of a second. Cromwell could manage men, but 
 
200 LACON. 
 
 when he attempted to manage horses,* he encoun 
 tered more danger than in all his battles, and nar- 
 rowly escaped with his life. Neither can we admit 
 that definition of genius that some would propose, 
 ' a power to accomplish all that we undertake,' for 
 we might multiply examples to prove that this defi- 
 nition of genius contains more than the thing 
 defined, for Cicero failed in poetry, Pope in paint- 
 ing, Addison in oratory, yet it would be harsh to 
 deny genius to these men. As a man cannot be 
 fairly termed a poor man, who has a large property 
 in the funds, but nothing in land, so we cannot deny 
 genius to those who have discovered a rich vein in 
 one province of literature, but poverty of talent in 
 another. This tendency, however, to ascribe a 
 universality of genius to great men, left Dryden to 
 affirm, on the strength of two smart satirical lines, 
 that Virgil could have written a satire equal to Juve- 
 nal. But with all due deference to Dryden, I con- 
 ceive it much more manifest, that Juvenal could 
 have written a better epic than Virgil, than that 
 
 * Nero made a similar mistake ; but he proved himself 
 as unequal to the task of governing horses as of men, and as 
 unfit to hold the reins of a chariot, as of a kingdom : he 
 made his appearance at the hippodrome of Olympia, in a 
 chariot drawn by ten horses, although he himself had for- 
 merly censured Mithridates for the same temerity; he was 
 thrown from his seat, but unfortunately the fall was not 
 fatal, although it prevented him from finishing the race ; 
 nevertheless, the halladonics, or stewards of the course, 
 proclaimed the emperor victor, and assigned him the Olym- 
 pic crown, for which upright decision they were rewarded 
 with a magnificent present. Galba, however, obliged them 
 afterwards to refund it, and they themselves, partly from 
 shame, and partly from pique, erased that Olympiad civ 
 of the calendar. 
 
LACON. 201 
 
 Virgil could have written a satire equal to Juvenal, 
 Juvenal has many passages of the moral sublime 
 far superior to any that can be found in "Virgil, who 
 indeed, seldom attempts a higher flight than the 
 sublime of description. Had Lucan lived, he 
 might have rivalled them both, as he has all the 
 vigour of the one, and time might have furnished 
 him with the taste and elegance of the other. 
 
 Horace makes an awkward figure in his vain 
 attempt to unite his real character of sycophant, 
 with the assumed one of the satirist ; he sometimes 
 attempts to preach down vice, without virtue, some- 
 times to laugh it down, without wit. His object 
 was to be patronised by a court, without meanness, 
 if possible, but at all events, to be patronised. He 
 served the times more, perhaps, than the times served 
 him, and instead of forming the manners of his 
 superiors, he himself was in great measure formed 
 by them. In fact, no two men who have handled 
 the same subject, differ so completely, both in 
 character and in style, as Horace and Juvenal; to 
 the latter may be applied what Seneca said of Cato, 
 that he gained as complete a triumph over the vices 
 of his country, as Scipio did over the enemies of it. 
 Had Juvenal lived in the days of Horace, he would 
 have written much better, because much bolder ; 
 but had Horace lived in the time of Juvenal, he 
 would not have dared to have written a satire at 
 all; in attacking the false friends of his country, 
 he would have manifested the same pusillanimity 
 which he himself informs us he discovered, when 
 he on one occasion, ventured to attack her real 
 foes 
 
202 LAO ON. 
 
 Shrewd and crafty politicians, when they wish to 
 bring about an unpopular measure, must not go 
 straight forward to work, if they do they will cer- 
 tainly fail ; and failures to men in power, are like 
 defeats to a general, they shake their popularity. 
 Therefore, since they cannot sail in the teeth of the 
 wind, they must tack, and ultimately gain their 
 object, by appearing at times to be departing from 
 it. Mr. Pitt, at a moment when the greatest jeal- 
 ousy existed in the country, on the subject of the 
 freedom of the press, inflicted a mortal blow on this 
 guardian of our liberties, without seeming to touch, 
 or even to aim at it ; he doubled the tax upon all 
 advertisements, and this single act immediately 
 knocked up the host of pamphleteers, who formed 
 the sharpshooters and tirailleurs of literature, and 
 whose fire struck more terror into administration 
 than the heaviest cannonade from bulky quartoes or 
 folios could produce ; the former were ready for 
 the moment, but before the latter could be loaded 
 and brought to bear, the object was either cnanged 
 or removed, and had ceased to aw r aken tne jeal- 
 ousies, or to excite the fears of the nation. 
 
 That extremes beget extremes, is an apothegm 
 built on the most profound observation of the human 
 mind ; and its truth is in nothing more apparent 
 than in those moral phenomena, perceivable, when 
 a nation, inspired by one common sentiment, 
 rushes at once from despotism to liberty. To sup- 
 pose that a nation under such circumstances should 
 confine herself precisely to that middle point, be- 
 tween the two extremes of licentiousness and slave- 
 ry, in which true liberty consists, were as absurd 
 as to suppose that a volcano, nearly fUppressed 
 
LACON. 203 
 
 and smothered by the superincumbent weight of a 
 mountain, will neither consume itself nor destroy 
 what is contiguous, when by an earthquake that 
 pressure is suddenly removed; for it must be 
 remembered that despotism degrades and demor- 
 alizes the human mind ; and although she at length 
 forces men on a just attempt to recover by violence, 
 those rights that by violence, were taken away, yet 
 that very depravation superinduced by despotism, 
 renders men, for a season, unfit for the rational 
 exercise of those civil rights they have with so 
 much hazard regained. At such a crisis, to expect 
 that a people should keep the strict unbending path 
 of rectitude and reason, without deviating into pri- 
 vate rapine or public wrong, were as wise as to 
 expect that a horse would walk in a straight line 
 immediately on being released from his trammels, 
 after having been blinded by a long routine of 
 drudgery in the circle of a mill. 
 
 When men in power profusely reward the intel- 
 lectual efforts of individuals in their behalf, what 
 are the public to presume from this ? They may 
 generally presume that the cause so remunerated 
 was a bad one, in the opinions of those who are so 
 grateful for its defence. In private life, a client 
 will hardly set any bounds to his generosity, should 
 his counsel be ingenious enough to gain him a vic- 
 tory, not only over his antagonist, but even over the 
 laws themselves ; and, in public affairs, we may 
 usually infer the weakness of the cause, by the 
 excessive price that ministers have freely paid to 
 those whose eloquence, or whose sophistry, has 
 enabled them to make that weakness triumph. 
 
204 LAC ON. 
 
 Much may be done in those little shreds and 
 patches of time which every day produces, and 
 which most men throw away, but which neverthe- 
 less will make at the end of it, no small deduction 
 from the life of man. Cicero has termed them 
 inter :isiva tempora* and the ancients were not ig- 
 norant of their value ; nay, it was not unusual with 
 them either to compose or to dictate, while under 
 the operation of rubbing after the bath. 
 
 Arbitration has this advantage, there are some 
 points of contest which it is better to lose by arbi- 
 tration than to win by law. But as a good general 
 offers his terms before the action, rather than in the 
 midst of it, so a wise man will not easily be per- 
 suaded to have recourse to a reference, when once 
 his opponent has dragged him into a court. 
 
 In death itself there can be nothing terrible, 
 for the act of death annihilates sensation ; but 
 there are many roads to death, and some of them 
 justly formidable, even to the bravest ; so various 
 are the modes of going out of the world, that to be 
 born, may have been a more painful thing than to 
 die, and to live, may prove a more troublesome 
 thing than either. 
 
 More have been ruined by their servants, than 
 by their masters. 
 
 Love, like the cold bath, is never negative, it 
 seldom leaves us where it finds us , if once we 
 
 * Cut up times. — Pub. 
 
LAC ON. 205 
 
 plunge into it, it will either heighten our virtues or 
 inflame our vices. 
 
 If there be a pleasure on earth, which angels 
 cannot enjoy, and which they might almost envy 
 man the possession of, it is the power of relieving 
 distress. If there be a pain which devils might 
 pity man for enduring, it is the death-bed reflection 
 that we have possessed the power of doing good, 
 but that we have abused and perverted it to pur- 
 poses of ill. 
 
 Public charities, and benevolent associations, for 
 the gratuitous relief of every species of distress, 
 are peculiar to Christianity ; no other system of 
 civil or religious policy has originated them : — 
 they form its highest praise and characteristic fea- 
 ture ; an order of benevolence so disinterested and 
 so exalted, looking before and after, could no more 
 have preceded revelation than light the sun. 
 
 Applause is the spur of noble minds, the end 
 and aim of weak ones. 
 
 In most quarrels there is a fault on both sides. 
 A quarrel may be compared to a spark, which can- 
 not be produced without a flint as well as a steel, 
 either of them may hammer on wood for ever, no 
 fire will follow. 
 
 Our wealth is often a snare to ourselves, and 
 always a temptation to others. 
 
 To know the pains of power, we must go to 
 those who have it ; to know its pleasures, we must 
 18 
 
206 LACON 
 
 go to those who are seeking it : the pains of power 
 are real, its pleasures imaginary. 
 
 Those who are embarked in that greatest of all 
 undertakings, the propagation of the gospel, and 
 who do so from a thorough conviction of its supe- 
 rior utility and excellence, may indeed fail in sav- 
 ing others, but they are engaged in that labour of 
 love by which they are most likely to save them- 
 selves, particularly if they pray that through God's 
 assistance both ends may be obtained. 
 
 Two things, well considered, would prevent 
 many quarrels ; first, to have it well ascertained 
 whether we are not disputing about terms rather 
 than things ; and secondly, to examine whether 
 that on which we differ, is worth contending about. 
 
 Faith and works are as necessary to our spirit 
 ual life as Christians, as soul and body are to our 
 natural life as men ; for faith is the soul of reli- 
 gion, and works, the body. 
 
 Solomon has said, ' There is nothing new under 
 the sun ;' and perhaps destruction has caused as 
 much novelty as invention ; for that is often a re- 
 vival which we think a discovery. 
 
 It is an unfortunate thing for fools, that their 
 pretensions should rise in an inverse ratio with 
 their abilities, and their presumption with their 
 weakness ; and for the wise, that diffidence should 
 be the companion of talent, and doubt the fruit of 
 investigation. 
 
LACON. 207 
 
 There are three kinds of praise ; that which we 
 yield, that which we lend, and that which we pay* 
 We yield it to the powerful from fear, we lend it 
 to the weak from interest, and we pay it to the 
 deserving from gratitude. 
 
 We generally most covet that particular trust 
 which we are least likely to keep. He that tho- 
 roughly knows his friends, might, perhaps, with 
 safety, confide his wife to the care of one, his 
 purse to another, and his secrets to a third ; when 
 to permit them to make their own choice, would 
 be his ruin. 
 
 Eloquence is the language of nature, and can- 
 not be learned in the schools ; the passions are 
 powerful pleaders, and their very silence, like that 
 of Garrick, goes directly to the soul ; but rhetoric 
 is the creature of art, which he who feels least, 
 will most excel in ; it is the quackery of eloquence, 
 and deals in nostrums, not in cures. 
 
 When honours come to us, rather than we to 
 them ; when they meet us, as it were, in the ves- 
 tibule of life, it is well if our enemies can say no 
 more against us, than that we are too young for 
 our dignities ; it would be much worse for us, if 
 they could say that we are too old for them ; time 
 will destroy the first objection, but confirm the 
 second. 
 
 Pickpockets and beggars are the best practical 
 physiognomists, without having read a line of 
 Lavater, who it is notorious, mistook a philosophei 
 for a highwayman. 
 
208 LACON. 
 
 Faults of the head are punished in this world, 
 those of the heart in another ; but as most of our 
 vices are compound, so also is their punishment. 
 
 We are sure to be losers when we quarrel with 
 ourselves ; it is a civil war, and in all such con- 
 tentions, triumphs are defeats. 
 
 Attempts at reform, Avhen they fail, strengthen 
 despotism ; as he that struggles, tightens those 
 cords he does not succeed in breaking. 
 
 A revengeful knave, will do more than he will 
 say ; a grateful one, will say more than he will do. 
 
 In naval architecture, the rudder is first fitted in, 
 then the ballast is put on board, and last of all, the 
 cargo and the sails. It is far otherwise in the fit- 
 ting up and forming of man ; he is launched into 
 life with the cargo of his faculties aboard, and all 
 the sails of his passions set ; but it is the long and 
 painful work of his life, to acquire the ballast of 
 experience, and to form the rudder of reason ; 
 hence, it too often happens that his frail vessel is 
 shipwrecked before he has laid in the necessary 
 quantity of ballast, or that ke has been so long in 
 completing the rudder, that the vessel has become 
 too crazy to benefit by its application. 
 
 It is with nations as with individuals, those who 
 know the least of others, think the highest of them- 
 selves ; for the whole family of pride and ignorance 
 are incestuous, and mutually beget each other 
 The Chinese affect tc despise European ingenuity 
 
LACON. 209 
 
 but they cannot mend a common watch ; when it is 
 out of order ; they say it is dead, and barter it 
 away for a living one. The Persians think that all 
 foreign merchants come to them from a small 
 island in the northern waters, barren and desolate, 
 which produces nothing good or beautiful ; * for why 
 else/ say they, 'do the Europeans fetch such things 
 from us, if they are to be had at home V The Turk 
 will not permit the sacred cities of Mecca or Medi- 
 na to be polluted by the residence or even footstep 
 of a single Christian ; and as to the grand Dairo 
 of Japan, he is so holy that the sun is not permitted 
 to have the honour of shining on his illustrious 
 head. The king of Malacca, styles himself lord 
 of the winds ; and the Mogul, to be equal with 
 him, titles himself conqueror of the world, and his 
 grandees are denominated rulers of the thunder 
 storm and steersmen of the whirlwind ; even the 
 pride of Xerxes, who fettered the sea, and wrote 
 his commands to Mount Athos ; or of Caligula, 
 who boasted of an intrigue with the moon — are both 
 surpassed by the petty sovereign of an insignificant 
 tribe in North America, who every morning stalks 
 out of his hovel, bids the sun good-morrow, and 
 points out to him with his finger, the course he is 
 to take for the day : and to complete this climax of 
 pride and ignorance, it is well known that the 
 Khan of Tartary, who does not possess a single 
 house under the canopy of Heaven, has no sooner 
 finished his repast of mare's milk and horse-flesh, 
 than he causes a herald to proclaim from his seat, 
 that all the princes and potentates of the earth 
 have his permission to go to dinner. ' The Arab,' 
 says Zimmerman, ' in the conviction that his Ca- 
 lif is infallible, laughs at the stupid credulity of 
 18* 
 
210 LA CON. 
 
 the Tartar, who holds his Lama to be immortal. 
 Those who inhabit Mount Bata, believe that who- 
 ever eats a roasted cuckoo before his death, is a 
 saint, and firmly persuaded of the infallibility of 
 this mode of sanctification, deride the Indians, who 
 drag a cow to the bed of a dying person, and by 
 pinching her tail, are sure, if by that method they 
 can make the creature void her urine in the face 
 of the patient, he is immediately translated into 
 the third heaven. They scoff at the superstition 
 of the Tartarian princes, who think that their beati- 
 fication is secure, provided they can eat of the 
 holy excrements of the Lama ; and the Tartars, 
 in their turn, ridicule the Bramins, who for the 
 better purification of their country, require them to 
 eat cow-dung for the space of six months, while 
 these would, one and all, if they were told of the 
 cuckoo method of salvation, as heartily despise 
 and laugh at it. I have cited these ridiculous ex 
 travagances, to show that there are two things in 
 which all sects agree, the hatred with which they 
 pursue the errors of others, and the love with 
 which they cling to their own. 
 
 We must suit the flattery to the mind and taste 
 of the recipient. We do not put essences into 
 hogsheads, or porter into vials. Delicate minds 
 may be disgusted by compliments that would please 
 a grosser intellect, as some fine laaies, who would 
 be shocked at the idea of a dram, will not refuse 
 a liqueur. Some indeed there are, who profess to 
 despise all flattery, but even these are, neverthe- 
 less, to be flattered, by being told that they do 
 despise it. 
 
LAC ON. 211 
 
 Expense of thought is the rarest prodigality, and 
 to dare to live alone the rarest courage ; since 
 there are many who had rather meet their bitter- 
 est enemy in the field, than their own hearts in 
 their closet. He that has no resources of mind, 
 is more to be pitied than he who is in want of 
 necessaries for the body ; and to be obliged to beg 
 our daily happiness from others, bespeaks a more 
 .amentable poverty than that of him who begs his 
 daily bread. 
 
 Some men of a secluded and studious life, have 
 sent forth from their closet or their cloister, rays 
 of intellectual light that have agitated courts, and 
 revolutionized kingdoms ; like the moon, that far 
 removed from the ocean, and shining upon it with 
 a serene and sober light, is the chief cause of all 
 those ebbings and flo wings which incessantly dis- 
 turb that world of waters. 
 
 Happiness is much more equally divided than 
 some of us imagine. One man shall possess most 
 of the materials, but little of the thing; another 
 may possess much of the thing, but very few of 
 the materials. In this particular view of it, happi- 
 ness has been beautifully compared to the manna in 
 the desert, he that gathered much had nothing over, 
 and he that gathered little had no lack ; therefore ■, to 
 diminish envy, let us consider not what others pos- 
 sess, but what they enjoy ; mere riches may be the 
 gift of lucky accident or blind chance, but happi- 
 ness must be the result of prudent preference ana 
 rational design ; the highest happiness then, can 
 have no other foundation than the deepest wisdom ; 
 
212 L A C O N . 
 
 and the happiest fool is only as happy as he knows 
 how to be. 
 
 As there are some faults that have been termed 
 faults on the right side, so there are some errors 
 that might be denominated errors on the safe side 
 Thus, we seldom regret having been too mild, too 
 cautious, or too humble ; but we often repent hav- 
 ing been too violent, too precipitate, or too proud. 
 
 Accustom yourself to submit on all and every 
 occasion, on the most minute, no less than on the 
 most important circumstances of life, to a small 
 present evil, to obtain a greater distant good. This 
 will give decision, tone, and energy to the mind, 
 which thus disciplined, will often reap victory from 
 defeat, and honour from repulse. Having acquired 
 this invaluable habit of rational preference and 
 just appreciation, start for that prize that endureth 
 for ever; you will have little left to learn. The 
 advantages you will possess over common minds, 
 will be those of the Lanista over the Tyro, and of 
 the veteran over the recruit. 
 
 Truth and reason, in this mixed state of good 
 and evil, are not invariably triumphant over false- 
 hood and error ; but even when labouring under a 
 temporary defeat, the two former bear within them 
 one stamp of superiority which plainly indicates 
 that Omnipotence is on their side ; for the worthy 
 conquerors in such a victory, universally retiro 
 abashed, enlightened, self-reproved, and exclaiming 
 with Pyrrhus, l A few more such victories and we 
 are undone* 
 
LA CON. 213 
 
 Were a plain unlettered man, but endowed with 
 common sense, and a certain quantum of observa- 
 tion and reflection, to read over attentively the four 
 Gospels, and the Acts of the Apostles, without 
 note or comment, I hugely doubt whether it would 
 enter into his ears to hear, his eyes to see, or his 
 heart to conceive, the purport of many ideas sig- 
 nified by words ending in ism, which nevertheless 
 have cost Christendom rivers of ink and oceans 
 of blood. 
 
 The most cruel and revengeful measures, when 
 once carried, have often keen pushed to their 
 utmost extremity by those very men, who before 
 their enactment, pretended to oppose them, in order 
 to throw the odium on others. This opposition has 
 proceeded from the lip, not from the heart, and 
 would not have been made, if the objector did not 
 foresee that his opposition would be fruitless. Au- 
 gustus, w T ith his usual hypocrisy, pretended to be 
 shocked with the idea of a proscription, and per- 
 ceiving that Antony and Lepidus were two to one 
 against him, he knew that his single vote against 
 the measure could not succeed ; and that by giving 
 it, he should preserve his popularity, and not be 
 prevented from glutting his revenge ; but Suetonius 
 informs us, that when the horrid work commenced, 
 he carried it on with a severity more unrelenting 
 than either of his colleagues ; ' utroque acerbius 
 exercuitj* and that whenever Lepidus or Antony 
 were inclined to mercy, either from interest, in- 
 treaty or bribes, he alone stoutly and lustily stood 
 
 • Carried it on mo* $ cruelly than either. — Pub. 
 
214 LAC ON. 
 
 out for blood : ' Solus magnopere contendit ne cut 
 parceretur '* 
 
 It is an easy and a vulgar thing to please the 
 mob, and a very arduous task to astonish them ; 
 but essentially to benefit and to improve them, is 
 a work fraught with difficulty, and teeming with 
 danger. 
 
 The seeds of repentance are sown in youth by 
 pleasure, but the harvest is reaped in age by pain. 
 
 Riches may enable us to confer favours ; but 
 to confer them with propriety and grace, requires a 
 something that riches cannot give ; even trifles 
 may be so bestowed as to cease to be trifles. The 
 citizens of Megara offered the freedom of their 
 city to Alexander ; such an offer excited a smile in 
 the countenance of him who had conquered the 
 world; but he received this tribute of their respect 
 with complacency, on being informed that they had 
 never offered it to any but to Hercules and himself. 
 
 The worst thing that can be said of the most 
 powerful, is, that they can take your life ; but the 
 same thing can be said of the most weak. 
 
 He that is good, will infallibly become better, anc, 
 he that is bad, will as certainly become worse ; ft» 
 vice, virtue, and time, are three things that nevei 
 stand still. 
 
 * He alone stoutly insisted that no one should be spared 
 —Pub. 
 
LAC ON. 215 
 
 When the cruel fall into the hands of the cruel, 
 we read their fate with horror, not with pity. Sylla 
 commanded the bones of Marius to be broken, his 
 eyes to be pulled out, his hands to be cut off, and 
 his body to be torn in pieces with pincers, and Cat- 
 iline was the executioner. ' A piece of cruelty, 1 
 says Seneca, 'only fit for Marius to suffer, Catiline 
 to execute and Sylla to command.' 
 
 Injuries accompanied with insults are never for- 
 given ; all men on these occasions are good 
 haters, and lay out their revenge at compound 
 interest; they never threaten until they can strike/ 
 and smile when they cannot. Caligula told Vale- 
 rius, in public, what kind of a bedfellow his wife 
 was ; and when the tribune Cherus, who had an 
 effeminate voice, came to him for the watchword, 
 he would always give him Venus or Priapus. 
 The first of these men was the principal instru- 
 ment in the conspiracy against him, and the second 
 cleft him down with his sword to convince him of 
 his manhood. 
 
 Let those who would affect singularity with suc- 
 cess, first determine to be very virtuous, and they 
 will be sure to be very singular. 
 
 We should have all our communications with 
 men, as in the presence of God ; and with God, as 
 in the presence of men. 
 
 A power above all human responsibility, ought 
 to be above all human attainment ; he that is un- 
 willing, may do harm, but he that is unable, cannot. 
 
216 LACON. 
 
 We caimot think too highly of our nature, nor 
 too humbly of ourselves. When we see the mar- 
 tyr to virtue, subject as he is to the infirmities of a 
 man, yet suffering the tortures of a demon, and 
 bearing them with the magnanimity of a god, do 
 we not behold a heroism that angels may indeed 
 surpass, but which they cannot imitate, and must 
 admire. 
 
 It is dangerous to take liberties with great men, 
 unless we know them thoroughly ; the keeper will 
 hardly put his head into the lion's mouth, upon a 
 short acquaintance. 
 
 Love is an alliance of friendship and of lust 
 if the former predominate, it is a passion exalted 
 and refined, but if the latter, gross and sensual. 
 
 That virtue which depends on opinion, looks to 
 secrecy alone, and could not be trusted in a desert. 
 
 If patrons were more disinterested, ingratitude 
 would be more rare. A person receiving a favour 
 is apt to consider that he is, in some degree, dis- 
 charged from the obligation, if he that confers it, 
 derives from it some visible advantage by which he 
 may be said to repay himself. Ingratitude has there- 
 fore been termed a nice perception of the causes 
 that induced the obligation ; and Alexander made 
 a shrewd distinction between his two friends, when 
 he said that Hephaestion loved Alexander, but Cra 
 terus the king. — Rochefoucault has some ill-natm 
 ed maxims on this subject : he observes * that wo 
 are always much better pleased to see those whom 
 we have obliged, than those who have obliged us ? 
 
LAGON. 217 
 
 that we confer benefits more from compassion to 
 ourselves, than to others ; that gratitude is only a 
 nice calculation, whereby we repay small favours, 
 in the hope of receiving greater, and more of the 
 like.' By a certain mode of reasoning, indeed, 
 there are very few human actions which might not 
 be resolved into self-love. It has been said that 
 we assist a distressed object to get rid of the 
 unpleasant sympathy excited by misery unreliev- 
 ed ; and it might with equal plausibility be said, 
 that we repay a benefactor to get rid of the unpleas- 
 ant burden imposed by an obligation. Butler has 
 well rallied this kind of reasoning, when he ob- 
 serves, ' That he alone is ungrateful, who makes 
 returns of obligations, because he does it merely to 
 free himself from owing as much as thanks.' In 
 common natures, perhaps an active gratitude may 
 be traced to this; the pride that scorns to owe, has 
 triumphed over that self-love that hates to pay. 
 
 Despotism can no more exist in a nation, until 
 the liberty of the press be destroyed, than the 
 night can happen before the sun is set. 
 
 Governments connive at many things which they 
 ought to correct, and correct many things at which 
 they ought to connive. But there is one mode of 
 correcting so as to endear, and of conniving so as 
 to reprove. 
 
 He that will believe only what he can fully com- 
 prehend, must have a very long head, or a very 
 short creed. Many gain a false credit for liberal- 
 ity of sentiment in religious matters, not from any 
 tenderness they may have to the opinions or con 
 19 
 
218 LA CON. 
 
 sciences of other men, but because they happen to 
 have no opinion or conscience of their own. 
 
 As all who frequent any place of public worship, 
 however they may differ from the doctrines there 
 delivered, are expected to comport themselves with 
 seriousness and gravity, so in religious controver- 
 sies, ridicule ought never to be resorted to on either 
 side ; whenever a jest is introduced on such a sub- 
 ject, it is indisputably out of its place, and ridicule, 
 thus employed, so far from being a test of truth, is 
 the surest test of error, in those wno on such an 
 occasion can stoop to have recourse unto it. 
 
 It is a doubt, whether mankind are most indebted 
 to those who like Bacon and Butler, dig the gold 
 from the mine of literature, or to those who like 
 Paley, purify it, stamp it, fix its real value, and give 
 it currency and utility. For all the practical pur- 
 poses of life, truth might as well be in prison as in 
 the folio of a schoolman, and those who release her 
 from her cobwebbed shelf, and teach her to live 
 with men, have the merit of liberating, if not of 
 discovering her. 
 
 Men of strong minds, who think for themselves, 
 should not be discouraged, on finding occasionally 
 that some of their best ideas have been anticipated 
 by former writers ; they will neither anathematize 
 others with a pereant qui ante nos nostra dixerint* 
 nor despair themselves. They will rather go on in 
 science, like John Hunter in physics, discovering 
 things before discovered, until, like him, they are 
 
 * Let them perish, who before us uttered our sayings. — Pub. 
 
LACON. 21fl 
 
 . ewarded with a terra, hitherto incognita in the 
 sciences, an empire indisputably their own, both by 
 right of conquest and of discovers. 
 
 The most consistent men are not more unlike 
 to others than they are at times to themselves ; 
 therefore, it is ridiculous to see character ^mongers 
 drawing a full length likeness of some great man, 
 and perplexing themselves and their readers by 
 making every feature of his conduct strictly con- 
 form to those lines and lineaments which they have 
 laid down : they generally find or make for him 
 some ruling passion, the rudder of his course ; but 
 with all this pother about ruling passions, the fact 
 is, that all men and women have but one apparent 
 good. Those indeed are the strongest minds and 
 are capable of the greatest actions, who possess a 
 telescopic power of intellectual vision, enabling 
 them to ascertain the real magnitude and import- 
 ance of distant good, and to despise those which 
 are indebted for all their grandeur solely to their 
 contiguity. 
 
 If a cause be good, the most violent attack of 
 its enemies will not injure it so much as an injudi- 
 cious defence of it by its friends. Theodore and 
 others, who gravely defend the monkish miracles 
 and the luminous cross of Constantine, by their 
 zeal without knowledge, and devotion without dis- 
 cretion, have hurt the cause of Christianity more 
 than the apostate Julian by his hostility, notwith- 
 standing all the wit and vigour with which it was 
 conducted. 
 
220 L A C O N . 
 
 He that will often put eternity and the world 
 before him, and who will dare to look steadfastly 
 at both of them, will rind that as he contemplates 
 them, the former will grow greater, and the latter, 
 less. 
 
 Cruel men are the greatest lovers of mercy — 
 avaricious men of generosity — and proud men oi 
 humility, — that is to say, in others, not in them- 
 selves. 
 
 There is this difference between hatred and pity ; 
 pity is a thing often avowed, seldom felt; hatred is 
 a thing often felt, seldom avowed. 
 
 There is an elasticity in the human mind, capa 
 ble of bearing much, but which will not show itself 
 until a certain weight of affliction be put upon it ; 
 its powers may be compared to tho^e vehicles 
 whose springs are so contrived that ihey get on 
 smoothly enough when loaded, but joh confound- 
 edly when they have nothing to hear. 
 
 Were the life of man prolonged, he would 
 become such a proficient in villany, that it would 
 become necessary again to drown or to burn the 
 world. Earth would become a hell ; for future 
 rewards, when put off to a great distance, would 
 cease to encourage, and future punishments to 
 alarm. 
 
 He that is contented with obscurity, if he acquire 
 no fame will suffer no persecution ; and he that is 
 determined to be silent, may laugh securely at the 
 
LACON. 221 
 
 critics, although they should exclaim as vainly as 
 the patriarch Job, ' O that our enemy had written a 
 book P 
 
 Physicians must discover the weaknesses of the 
 human mind, and even condescend to humour them, 
 or they will never be called in to cure the infirmi- 
 ties of the body. 
 
 Envy ought in strict truth to have no place 
 whatever allowed it in the heart of man ; for the 
 'goods of this present world are so vile and low, 
 that they are beneath it ; and those of the future 
 world are so vast and exalted, that they are above it. 
 
 If Satan ever laughs, it must be at hypocrites ; 
 they are the greatest dupes he has ; they serve him 
 better than any others, and receive no wages ; nay, 
 what is still more extraordinary, they submit to 
 greater mortifications to goto hell, than the s in- 
 terest Christian to £0 to heaven. 
 
 The schisms in the church of Christ are deeply 
 to be lamented on many accounts, by those who 
 have any regard for all that is valuable and worth 
 preserving amongst men ; and although we are 
 willing to hope and believe with Paley, that the 
 rent has not reached the foundation, yet are these 
 differences (though not in essentials) most partic- 
 ularly to be lamented, because they prevent the 
 full extension of the glorious light of the gospel 
 throughout the world. These differences amongst 
 ourselves, furnish those whom we would attempt 
 to convert, with this plausible, r.nd to them I fear 
 unanswerable argument: ' Witt what face can vou 
 19* 
 
222 LA CON. 
 
 Christians attempt to make us convert?- to your 
 faith, when you have not yet decided amongst 
 yourselves what Christianity is? Sure.lv it will 
 be time enough to make proselytes of others, when 
 you yourselves are agreed. For Calvin damns the 
 Pope, and the Pope damns Calvin ; and the only 
 thing in which they agree, is in damning Socinus, 
 while Socinus in his turn, laughs at both, and be 
 lieves neither.' 
 
 The mob, like the ocean, is very seldom agitated 
 vvithout some cause superior and exterior to itself; 
 but (to continue the simile) both are capable of 
 doing the greatest mischief after the cause which 
 first set them in motion, has ceased to act. 
 
 The victims of ennui paralyze all the grosser 
 feelings by excess, and torpefy all the finer by dlfe- 
 use and inactivity. Disgusted with this world and 
 indifferent about another, they at last lay violent 
 hands upon themselves, and assume no small credit 
 for the sang froid with which they meet death. 
 But alas, such beings can scarcely be said to die, 
 for they have never truly lived. 
 
 A dull author just delivered, and a plain woman 
 about to be so, are two very important animals. 
 
 There are moments of despondency, when 
 Shakspeare thought himself no poet, and Raphael 
 no painter; when the greatest wits have doubted 
 the excellence of their happiest efforts. 
 
 It has been observed that a dwarf standing on 
 the shoulders of a giant, will see farther than the 
 
LACON. 223 
 
 giant himself; and the moderns, standing as they 
 do on the vantage ground of former discoveries, 
 and uniting all the fruits of the experience of their 
 forefathers, with their own actual observation, may 
 be admitted to enjoy a more enlarged and compre- 
 nensive view of things than the ancients them- 
 selves ; for that alone is true antiquity, which 
 embraces the antiquity of the world, and not that 
 which would refer us back to a period when the 
 world was young. By whom is this true antiquity 
 enjoyed 1 Not by the ancients who did live in the 
 infancy, but by the moderns who do live in the 
 maturity of things. Therefore, as regards the age 
 of the world, we may lay a juster claim to the title 
 of being the ancients, even than our very forefathers 
 themselves, for they inhabited the world when itwas 
 young, but we occupy it now that it is old ; that 
 precedent may not exert too despotic a rule over 
 experience, and that the dead may not too strictly 
 govern the living, may I be pardoned in taking a 
 orief and cursory view r of the claims of the ancients 
 to our veneration, so far as they are built on the 
 only proper foundation, — superiority of mind. It 
 is by no means my object to lessen our esteem for 
 those great men who have lived before us, and who 
 have accomplished such wonders, considering the 
 scantiness of their means ; my intention is merely 
 to suggest, that the veneration due to times that 
 are past, is a blind veneration, the moment it is 
 paid at the expense of times that are present ; for 
 as these very ancients themselves were once the 
 moderns, so we moderns must also become ancients 
 in our turn. What I would principally contend for, 
 is, that the moderns enjoy a much more extended 
 and comprehensive view of science, than the 
 
224 LACON. 
 
 ancients ; not because we have greater capacities, 
 but simply because we enjoy far greater capabili- 
 ties ; for that which is perfect in science, is most 
 commonly the elaborate result of successive 
 improvements, and of various judgments exercised 
 on the rejection of what was wrong, no less than 
 in the adoption of what was right. We therefore 
 are profiting, not only by the knowledge, but also 
 by the ignorance, not only by the discoveries, but 
 also by the errors of our forefathers ; for the march 
 of science, like that of time, has been progressing 
 in the darkness, no less than the light. The great 
 chart of antiquity is chronology ; and so sensible 
 of its value was Scaliger, that his celebrated invo- 
 cation to the Olympiads is as full of passion and 
 admiration as the warmest address of a lover to 
 his mistress, with this difference, that our literary 
 Colossus sought for wrinkles rather than dimples, 
 and his idol would have had more charms for him, 
 if she had numbered more ages upon her head. It 
 is admitted that previously to the establishment of 
 the Olympiads, there was much error and confusion 
 in the historical records of Greece and Rome, 
 neither, if their dates had been accurately calcula- 
 ted, did they possess the means which we enjoy 
 of multiplying the records of them, so as to put 
 them beyond the reach either of accidental or 
 intentional destruction ; and hence it happens, ;hat 
 on the greatest works of antiquity, the pyramids, 
 chronology has nothing to depose ; one thing is 
 apparent, that the builders of them were not totally 
 ignorant, either of geometry or of astronomy, since 
 they are all built with their respective faces pre- 
 cisely opposite the four cardinal points. It is well 
 known that a modern ' nulli veterum rirtute secun* 
 
L A C O N . 225 
 
 dies J* has detected an enormous error in ancient 
 chronology, and has proved that the Argonautic 
 expedition, and the Trojan war, are nearer to 
 the birth of Christ by six hundred years, than all 
 former calculation had placed them ; for Hippar- 
 chus, who first discovered the precession of the 
 equinoxes, fancied they retrograded one degree in 
 one hundred years, whereas Sir Isaac Newtonf has 
 determined that they go back one degree in seven- 
 ty-two years. As geographers, their knowledge is 
 still more limited, since they were ignorant of the 
 polarity of the magnet, although they were acquaint- 
 ed with its powers of attraction; many of them 
 fancied the earth was motionless and flat, and that 
 the pillars of Hercules were its boundaries ; that 
 the sun set in the sea, was believed by graver per- 
 sons than the poets ; and with a timidity propor- 
 tionate to their ignorance, in all their voyages they 
 seldom dared to lose sight of the coast, since a 
 
 * Second in excellence to none of the ancients. — Pub. 
 
 t We know that the fixed stars, which were formerly 
 m Aries are now in Taurus ; and the point proposed by Sir 
 Isaac Newton was to ascertain from the Greek astronomy, 
 what was the position of the colures with respect to the 
 fixed stars, in the time of Chiron ; and as Sir Isaac had pro- 
 ved that the fixed stars have a motion in longitude of one 
 degree in seventy-two years, not in one hundred years, as 
 Hipparchus has affirmed, the problem was to calculate the 
 distance between those stars through which the colure now 
 passes, and those through which it passed in the time of 
 Chiron. And as Chiron was one of the Argonauts, this 
 would give us the number of years that have elapsed since 
 that famous expedition, and would consequently fix the 
 true date of the Trojan war ; and these two events from 
 the cardinal points of the ancient chronology so far at 
 least as the Greeks and the Romans are concerned. A 
 somewhat similar attempt to correct the ancient chronolo- 
 gy has also been undertaken, by a retro-cakulation of the 
 eclipses. 
 
226 LACON. 
 
 needle and a quadrant would have become as use- 
 less a present to Palinurus, trie helmsman of JEne- 
 as, as to the chief of an Indian canoe. As histo- 
 rians, it is almost superfluous to say, that their 
 credibility is much shaken by that proneness to 
 believe in prodigies, auguries, omens, and the inter- 
 position of their gods ; which credulity the very 
 soberest of them have by no means escaped. As 
 moralists, their want of confidence in a future 
 state of existence, was a source of the greatest er- 
 ror and confusion. They could not sincerely ap- 
 prove of virtue, as a principle of action always to be 
 depended on, since without a future state, virtue is 
 not always its own reward. Nor did the noblest 
 of them, as Brutus and Cato, succeed in finding it 
 to be so ; their honestum and their decorum, were 
 phantoms that fed on the air of opinion, and like 
 the chameleon, changed as often as their food ; yet, 
 these visionary objects, though undefined, were 
 perpetually explained, and, though un grasped, were 
 constantly pursued.* As warriors, their ignorance 
 
 * Carneades was a philosopher, whose eloquence Cice- 
 ro dreaded so much, that he deprecated an attack from 
 him, in the humblest manner, in the following words : 
 1 Perturbatricem autem harum omnium rerum academi- 
 am hanc ab Arcesila et Carneade recentem exoremus ut 
 sileat ; nam si invaserit in has quae satis scite nobis in- 
 structs et composite videntur rationes nimias edetruioas, 
 quam quidam ego placare cupio submovere non audeo.'* 
 Now this Carneades, whom Cicerc so much dreaded, 
 maintained that there was no such thing as justice ! anil he 
 supported his theory by such sophisms as these: that the 
 condition of men is such that if they have a mind to be 
 just, they must act imprudently ; and that if they have a 
 mind to act prudently, they must be unjust; and that it 
 
 * For we will implore this new academy of Arcesila and Carneades, 
 this disturber of all these opinions, to be silent; for should it attack 
 these doctrines, which to us seem so consistent, it might bring about a 
 terrible devastation- 1 desire to conciliate, and dare not repaise it. -Pub, 
 
L A C O N . 22* 
 
 uf chymistry must render their campaigns very 
 lame and uninteresting to those who reflect that a 
 single piece of ordnance would have secured to 
 Poinpey the battle of Pharsalia, and that a single 
 frigate at Actium would have given Antony the 
 empire of the world. In the useful arts their igno 
 ranee of the powers of steam, and of that property 
 of water by which it rises to its level, has render- 
 ed all tLeir efforts, proofs of their perseverance 
 tather than of their knowledge, and evidence of 
 uie powers of their hands, rather than of their 
 tieads. The most stupendous remains of anti 
 tmity, the aqueducts themselves, are rather monu- 
 ments of a strength like that of Sampson, blind to 
 contrive, b\;t powerful to execute, than of a skill, 
 sharpsighted to avoid difficulties, rather than to 
 overcome them. With all these defects, we must 
 admit that the ancients were a wonderful order of 
 men, and a contemplation of their actions will 
 richly repay the philosopher. The ancients are 
 rully rescued from all imputation of imbecility, for 
 
 follows, there can be no such thing as justice, because a 
 virtue inseparable from a folly cannot be just. Lactan- 
 tius is correct, when he affirms that the heathens could not 
 answer this sophism, and that Cicero dared not undertake v 
 it. The error\vas this, the restricting of the value of jus- 
 tice to temporal things ; for to those who disbelieve a fu- 
 ture state, or even have doubts about it, ' Honesty is not al- 
 ways the best policy,' and it is reserved for Christians, 
 who take into their consideration the whole existence of 
 man, to argue clearly and consequentially on the sterling 
 value of justice. It 'is well known that Mr. Hume him- 
 self was never so much puzzled, as when peremptorily 
 asked by a lady at Bath, to declare upon his honour as a 
 gentleman, whether he wouM chocse his confidential do- 
 mestics from such as hehi his o'vn principles, or from 
 those who conscientiously believed ^e eternal truths of Re- 
 velation. He frankly decided iu i\vour of the latter. 
 
228 LACON. 
 
 they were denied those ample means of an advance- 
 ment in knowledge, to which we have access ; and 
 it is highly probable that some future modern will 
 have hereafter to make the very same apology for 
 us. If I have cited some of their deficiencies, I 
 have done it not to diminish that respect we owe 
 to them, but to give somewhat more of solidity to 
 that which we owe to ourselves. We willingly 
 submit to the authority and attestation of the dead ; 
 but when it would triumph over all the improve- 
 ment and experience of the living, it is no longer 
 submission, but slavery. We would then, rather be 
 right with one single companion, truth, than wrong, 
 with all the celebrious names of antiquity. We 
 freely admit that the ancients effected all that could 
 be accomplished by men who lived in the infancy 
 of time ; but the eagle of science herself could 
 not soar until her wings were grown. In sculpture 
 and in poetry, two sciences where they had the 
 means, our forefathers have fully equalled, perhaps 
 exceeded, their children. In sculpture, the image 
 worship of their temples held out the highest 
 encouragement to the artist ; and in the battle, no 
 less than in the palaestra, statues were the princi- 
 pal rewards of conquerers. We know that Pindar 
 was refused the price he had set upon an ode in 
 celebration of one who had been crowned at the 
 Olympic games, because the victor had calculated 
 ♦hat a much less sum would purchase a statue 
 of brass. But on the following day he determined 
 to employ the poet, under the conviction that an 
 ode of Pindar would outlive a statue of far more 
 indestructible materials than marble or brass. We 
 might also add, that the games of Greece enabled 
 the sculptor to study the human form, not only 
 
LACON. 220 
 
 naked, but in all its various attitudes of muscular 
 exertion ; and while the genial climate of Greece 
 supplied the sculptor with the finest models, the 
 soil furnished him with the best materials. If the 
 ancients are more than our rivals in poetry, it may 
 be observed, that their mythology was eminently 
 calculated for poetical machinery, and also that 
 the scenery of nature, that laboratory of the poet, 
 neither wants nor waits for its full improvement 
 from the progressive hand of time. We must also 
 remember, that the great merit of this art is origi- 
 nality, and its peculiar province, invention. The 
 ancients, therefore, being in the order of precedence 
 the first discoverers of the pojtical mine, took care 
 to help themselves to the largest diamonds. 
 
 Success too often sanctions the worst and the 
 wildest schemes of human ambition. That such a 
 man as Cromwell should have been enabled under 
 any circumstances to seize the reins of a mighty 
 empire, is matter of surprise to some, of indignation 
 to all. Could we call him up from the dead, he is 
 the very last man that could rationally explain his 
 own success, which no doubt, at the time, excited 
 as much astonishment in himself as in beholders ; 
 but he owed as much to the folly, timidity, and 
 fanaticism of others, as to his own sagacity, 
 courage, and craftiness. In fact, the times made 
 him, not he the times. If a civil war raged at this 
 moment, and the sacred names of king and parlia- 
 ment were again arrayed against each other in the 
 field, such a man as Cromwell, at present, would 
 never arrive at any station higher than an adjutant 
 of dragoons. He might preach and pray, write and 
 fight, bluster and harangue, but not one step higher 
 20 
 
£30 LACON. 
 
 would he get. If every thing in his character had 
 not been artificial, except his courage, he had been 
 nobody ; and if he had not carried his hypocrisy 
 so far as at times to deceive himself he had been 
 ruined. When he cleared the house of commons, 
 and exclaimed, ' You are an adulterer, you are an 
 extortioner, you are a glutton, and you are no 
 longer a parliament ;' suppose a single member had 
 rejoined, 'You are a hypocrite, and by this illegal 
 act have forfeited your commission, and are no 
 longer an officer ; soldiers, at your peril proceed ! 
 Such a speech might have turned the whole tid^ 
 of affairs, arid have sent back Oliver to the Tower 
 instead of Whitehall, never again to quit it, except, 
 to lay his head upon the block. 
 
 It was observed of the Jesuits, that they con- 
 stantly inculcated a thorough contempt of worldly 
 things in their doctrines, but eagerly grasped at 
 them in their lives. They were 'wise in their 
 generation? for they cried down worldly things, 
 because they wanted to obtain them, and cried up 
 spiritual things, because they wanted to dispose of 
 them. 
 
 Human foresight often leaves its proudest pos- 
 sessor only a choice of evils. 
 
 1 The fowler,' saith Solomon, ' spreaddth not his 
 net in the sight of the bird ;' and if rulers open the 
 eyes of a nation, they must expect that they will 
 see. A government that is corrupt, can no more 
 consist with a population that is enlightened, than 
 the night can continue when the sun is up. The 
 most laudable efforts are now making by those that 
 
LACON, 231 
 
 are in power, for the intellectual improvement of 
 the labouring classes of society. It would be in- 
 vidious to affirm with some, that our rulers have 
 done so much, only because they were afraid that 
 others would do more, if they themselves did 
 nothing. There are good grounds to believe that 
 they have been influenced by higher motives, but 
 at all events, every public measure for the intel- 
 lectual improvement of the governed, is the surest 
 pledge and guarantee of the integrity of those who 
 govern, because all that are in power, are well 
 aware that a corresponding purity in those who 
 rule, must ever keep a proportionate pace with the 
 progression of knowledge in those who obey. 
 Some would maintain, that the rays of truth, like 
 those of the sun, if too abundant, dazzle the multi- 
 tude rather than enlighten them ; but this analogy 
 is false, for truth has not, although the ignus fatuus 
 of error may have, such effect ; although truth is 
 brighter than the sun, yet the mind is stronger than 
 the body, and the intellectual eye can look at the es- 
 sence of moral truth, with far less uneasiness than 
 the corporeal eye at the concentration of material. 
 
 Some demagogues, like Catiline, can raise a 
 storm, who cannot, like Cromwell, rule it; thus the 
 Gracchi, wishing to make the agrarian law the 
 ladder of their ascent, found it the instrument of 
 their fall ; 'fracia compage ruebant.'* 
 
 Dreams ought to produce no conviction what- 
 ever on philosophical minds. If we consider how 
 many dreams are dreamt every night, and how 
 
 * When the hoophrolce, the cask fell to pieces. — Pub, 
 
232 LAC ON. 
 
 many events occur every day, we shall no longer 
 wonder at. those accidental coincidences, which 
 ignorance mistakes for verifications. — There are 
 also numberless instances on record, where dreams 
 have brought about their own fulfilment, owing to 
 the weakness and credulity of mankind. The 
 mother of Abbott, who filled the archiepiscopal 
 throne of Canterbury, in the reign of James the 
 First, had a dream, that if she could eat a pike, 
 the child with which she was then pregnant would 
 be a son, and rise to great preferment. Not long 
 after this, in taking a pail of water out of the river 
 Wye, which ran near her house, she accidentally 
 caught a pike, and thus had an opportunity of 
 fulfilling the first part of her dream. This story 
 being much noised about, and coming to the ears 
 of some persons of distinction, they became spon- 
 sors to the child, and his future patrons. But I 
 suspect, after all, that this marvellous pike swal- 
 lowed by the mother, was not so instrumental to 
 the archbishop's preferment, as the story of the 
 Earl of Gowrie's conspiracy against the life of the 
 king, swallowed by the son. It would seem that 
 there are occasions where churchmen may carry 
 the doctrine of divine right so far as to displease 
 even kings, for thus writeth King James with his 
 own hand to Doctor Abbott, then a dean : * You 
 have dipped too deep into what all kings reserve 
 among the arcana imperii ;* and whatever aversion 
 you may profess against God's being the author 
 of sin, you have stumbled on the threshold of that 
 opinion, in saying upon the matter, that even 
 tyranny is God's authority, and ougnt to be re- 
 
 * Secrets of power. — Pub. 
 
LAC ON. 233 
 
 meiDoered as such. If the king of Spain should 
 retm.i to claim his old pontifical right to my king- 
 dom, you leave me to seek for others to fight for it, 
 for you tell us upon the matter, beforehand, that 
 his authority is God's authority, if he prevail.' A 
 man who could go such lengths, was not likely to 
 continue long in a deanery under the reign of 
 James, nor need we call in the assistance of a 
 dream to account for his promotion. 
 
 At the restoration of Charles the Second, the 
 tide of opinion set so strong in favour of loyalty, that 
 the principal annalist of that day pauses to express 
 his wonder where the men came from, who had 
 done all the mischief; but this was the surprise of 
 ignorance ; for it is in politics as in religion, none 
 run into such extremes as renegadoes, or so ridicu- 
 lously overact their parts. The passions, on these 
 occasions, take their full swing, and react like the 
 pendulum, whose oscillations on one side will 
 always be regulated by the height of the arc it has 
 subtended on the other. 
 
 He that from small beginnings has deservedly 
 raised himself to the highest stations, may not 
 always find that full satisfaction in the possession 
 of his object, that he anticipated in the pursuit of 
 it. Although the individual may be disappointed, 
 the community are benefited, first by his exer- 
 tions, and secondly by his example ; for it has 
 been well observed, that the public are served, not 
 by what the Lord Mayor feels who rides in his 
 coach, but by what the apprentice boy feels, who 
 looks at him. 
 
 20* 
 
234 LACON. 
 
 As in public life, the minister that makes wai 
 with parsimony, must make peace with prodigality 
 so in private life, those hostile but feeble measures, 
 which only serve to irritate our enemies, not to in- 
 timidate them, are by ail means to be avoided ; for 
 he that has recourse to them, only imposes upon 
 himself the ultimate necessity of purchasing a re- 
 conciliation, often expensive, always humiliating. 
 
 A noble income, nobly expended, is no common 
 sight. It is far more easy to acquire a fortune like 
 a knave, than to expend it, like a gentleman. If 
 we exhaust our income in schemes of ambition, we 
 shall purchase disappointment ; if in law, vexation : 
 if in luxury, disease. What we lend> we shall 
 most probably lose ; what we spend rationally, we 
 shall enjoy ; what we distribute to the deserving, 
 we shall enjoy and retain.* 
 
 The inexhaustible resources of Great Britain 
 were always an inexplicable mystery to Napoleon, 
 and he was taught their reality only by their 
 effects. There was a period, when to the defence 
 of the noblest cause, England brought the highest 
 valour, while all that were oppressed, drew at sight, 
 on her treasure and on her blood. It would have 
 been glorious if she had evinced a magnanimity 
 that calculated not on return ; if she had continued 
 to sow benefits, although she might reap ingrati- 
 tude. Alas ! she found it more easy to connuer 
 others, than herself. Her safety requires not he 
 
 * If there be any truth in the old epitaph : — 
 1 What we lent we lost; 
 What we spent we have; 
 What we gave, ve had,' 
 
LAC ON. 23o 
 
 compromise of her honour ; for although her pros- 
 perity will draw envy,* her power may despise it; 
 she is beset with difficulties, but it is her own fault 
 if they become dangers ; and although she may 
 suffer somewhat if compared with her former self, 
 she is still gigantic if compared with others. She 
 may command peace, since she has not relinquished 
 the sinews of war ; a paradox to all other nations, 
 she will say to America, territory is not power ; to 
 India, population is not force ; and to Spain, money 
 is not wealth. 
 
 To judge by the event, is an error all abuse and 
 all commit ; for in every instance, courage, if 
 crowned with success, is heroism ; if clouded by 
 defeat, temerity. When Nelson fought his battle 
 in the Sound, it was the result alone, that decided 
 whether he was to kiss a hand at court, or a rod at 
 a court-martial. 
 
 Princes rule the people, and their own passions 
 rule princes ; but Providence can overrule the 
 whole, and draw the instruments of his inscrutable 
 purposes from the vices, no less than the virtues of 
 kings. Thus, the Reformation, which was planted 
 oy the lust of Henry the Eighth of England, was 
 
 * Envy, as i? generally the case, is both purblind and im- 
 politic; it is for the general and true interests of the world, 
 that Great Britain should hold the sceptre of the seas; for 
 if she ceased to wield it, it must of necessity devolve to 
 France; and on the fatal consequences of such a calamity, 
 to the best interests of the civilized world, there can be no 
 necessity to enlarge ; not that France would make a worse 
 use of such power than some other nations, but because 
 such an accumulation of it ought not to be vested in any, 
 >hat are already so powerful by land. 
 
236 LACON. 
 
 preserved by the ambition of Philip the Second ol 
 Spain. Queen Mary would have sacrificed Eliza 
 beth to the full establishing of the Catholic faith, 
 if she had not been prevented by Philip the Second 
 her husband, who foresaw, in the death cf Eliza* 
 beth, the succession of Mary Stewart, th^n mar* 
 ried to Francis the Second, and in that succession 
 he anticipated the certain union of Great Britain 
 and France; an event that would have d'spersed 
 to the winds his own ambitious dream of universal 
 monarchy. The consequence was, the .life of 
 Elizabeth was preserved, and the Protestant cause 
 prevailed. 
 
 The great estate of a drill book-maker is biogra- 
 phy ; but we should read the lives of great men, if 
 written by themselves, for two reasons ; to find out 
 what others really were, and w r hat they themselves 
 would appear to be. 
 
 To quell the pride, even of the greatest, we 
 should reflect how much we owe to otheis, and 
 how little to ourselves. Philip having made him- 
 self master of Potidcea, received three messengers 
 in one day ; the first brought him an account of a 
 great victory gained over the Illyrians by his 
 general Parmenio ; the second told him that he was 
 proclaimed victor at the Olympic games ; and the 
 third informed him of the birth of Alexander. 
 There was nothing in all these events, that ought 
 to have fed the vanity, or that would have justified 
 the pride of Philip, since, as an elegant writer 
 remarks, ' for the first he was indebted to his ^en 
 eral ; for the second to his horse ; and his wife is 
 shrewdly suspected of having helped him to the 
 third * 
 
LACO N. 237 
 
 Should the world applaud, we must thankfully 
 receive it as a boon ; for if the most deserving of 
 us appear to expect it as a debt, it will never bo 
 paid. The world, it has been said, does as much 
 justice to our merits, as to our defects, and 1 
 believe it ; but after all, none of us are so much 
 praised or censured as we think; and most men 
 would be thoroughly cured of their self-importance, 
 if they would only rehearse their own funeral, and 
 walk abroad incognito, the very day after that on 
 which they w r ere supposed to have been buried. 
 
 For one man who sincerely pities our misfor- 
 tunes, there are a thousand who sincerely hate our 
 
 success. 
 
 Substract from many modern poets, all that, may 
 be found in Shakspeare, and trash will remain. 
 
 He that likes a hot dinner, a warm welcome, new 
 ideas, and old wine, will not often dine with the 
 great. 
 
 Those who bequeath unto themselves a pom- 
 pous funeral, are at just so much expense to inform 
 Jie world of something that had much better been 
 concealed ; namely, that their vanity has survived 
 themselves. 
 
 In reading the life of any great man, you will 
 always in the course of his history, chance upon 
 some obscure individual, who on some particular 
 occasions, was greater than him whose life you 
 are reading. 
 
£38 L A C O N 
 
 In cases of doubtful morality, it is usual to say, 
 is there any harm in doing this ? This question 
 may sometimes be best answered by asking our- 
 selves another; is there any harm in letting it 
 alone ? 
 
 He that has never known adversity, is but half 
 acquainted with others, or with himself. Constant 
 success shows us but one side of the world ; for, 
 as it surrounds us with friends, who will tell us only 
 our merits, so it silences those enemies from whom 
 alone we can learn our defects. 
 
 When men of sense approve, the million are sure 
 to follow ; to be pleased, is to pay a complimen: to 
 their own taste. 
 
 The death of Judas, is as strong a confirmation 
 of Christianity, as the life of Paul. 
 
 Women generally consider consequences in love 
 seldom in resentment. 
 
 Most of our misfortunes are more supportable 
 than the comments of our friends upon them. 
 
 We should embrace Christianity, even on pru 
 dential motives ; for a just and benevolent God will 
 not punish an intellectual being, for believing wha* 
 there is so much reason to believe ; therefore we 
 run no risk by receiving Christianity if it be false, 
 but a dreadful one by rejecting it, if it ue true. 
 
 The great designs that have been digested and 
 matured, and the great literary works that have 
 
LACON. 239 
 
 been begun and finished in prisons, fully prove, 
 that tyrants have not yet discovered any chains 
 that can fetter the mind. 
 
 He that knows himself, knows others ; and he 
 that is ignorant of himself, could not write a very 
 profound lecture on other men's heads. 
 
 We ought not to be over anxious to encourage 
 innovation, in cases of doubtful improvement, for 
 an old system must ever have two advantages over 
 a new one ; it is established, and it is understood. 
 
 Power will intoxicate the best hearts, as wine 
 the strongest heads. No man is wise enough, nor 
 good enough to be trusted with unlimited power ; 
 for whatever qualifications he may have evinced to 
 entitle hiin to the possession of so dangerous a 
 privilege, yet, when possessed, others can no 
 :onger answer for him, because he can no longer 
 answer for himself. 
 
 There are two things which ought to teach us 
 to think but meanly of human glory ; the very best 
 nave had their calumniators, the very worst their 
 panegyrists. 
 
 No metaphysician ever felt the deficiency of 
 language so much, as the grateful. 
 
 Most men know what they hate, few what thev 
 love. 
 
 All great cities abound with little men, whose 
 object it is to be the stars of the dinner table, and 
 
240 L A C O N . 
 
 grand purveyors of all the stray jokes of the town $ 
 so long as these turnspits confine themselves to 
 fetch and carry for their masters, they succeed tole- 
 rably well ; but the moment they set up for origin- 
 ality, and commence manufacturers, instead of 
 retailers, they are ruined. Like the hind wheel of 
 a carriage, which is in constant pursuit of the fore 
 one, without ever overtaking it, so these become 
 the doubles of a Selwyn or a Sheridan, but without 
 ever coming up to them. They are constantly 
 near wit, without being witty, as his valet is always 
 near a great man, without being great. 
 
 Fame is an undertaker that pays but little atten- 
 tion to the living, but bedizens the dead, furnishes 
 out their funerals, and follows them to the grave. 
 
 The British constitution, as it is to be found in 
 * Magna Charta, 9 and the ' Bill of Rights, 1 has so 
 much that is good, and worthy of preservation, that 
 a lover of true liberty would rather live under it, 
 than under any other mode of government, ancient 
 or modern, barbarous or refined. Its destruction, 
 at the present moment, would be the most melan- 
 choly thing that could happen, both to Englishmen 
 and to the world. Such an event would retro- 
 grade the march of improvement many centuries 
 of years ; and he that could coolly set about to 
 effect it, must unite the phrensy of the maniac with the 
 malignity of the demon. The financial difficulties 
 which this mighty empire has at present to contend 
 with, as they arise from the most honourable causes, 
 throw a greater lustre upon her, in the eyes of sur- 
 rounding nations, than the most brilliant prosperity 
 could possibly do, if obtained by the slightest dere- 
 
LACON. 241 
 
 (iction of public principle and faith. The fiscal 
 embarrassments of the nation ought not, and must 
 not, endanger the constitution. The sincere lovers 
 of the constitution tremble not at these things, but 
 they do tremble when they see the possibility of a 
 violation of the laws with impunity, whether that 
 violation be attempted by the highest or by the 
 lowest. If we trace the history of most revolutions, 
 we shall find that the first inroads upon the laws, 
 have been made by the governors, as often as by 
 the governed. The after excesses committed by 
 the people, have usually been the result of that 
 common principle of our nature, which incites us 
 to follow the example of our betters, however ridi- 
 culous the consequences may be on some occa- 
 sions, or deplorable on others. The laws are a 
 restraint submitted to by both parties, the ruler 
 and the subject, until the fences on both sides 
 being completely broken down and destroyed, the 
 two parties meet in the adverse shock of mutual 
 hostility, and force becomes, for a season, the sole 
 legislator of the land. In this country, the king 
 has been justly termed, the speaking lata ; the law, 
 the silent king. We have a monarch not at all 
 inclined to strain his prerogative, which forbear- 
 ance ought to render the people equally cautious 
 of stretching their privilege ; let them beware of 
 those demagogues, who tell them that they feel for 
 them, but who would be the last to feel voiih them, 
 when the consequences of their own doctrine shall 
 arrive. The truth is, that no atrocity or aggression 
 of the people, will vitally affect the solid safety of 
 our commonwealth, until our rulers are intimidated 
 to compromise that security, by resorting to ille- 
 gal modes of defending the laws, or unconstitutional 
 21 
 
242 LAC ON. 
 
 measures to preserve the constitution ; knowing 
 this, that the moment any government usurps a 
 power superior to the laws, it then usurps a power, 
 which, like the convulsive strength of the madman, 
 springs from disease, and will infallibly terminate 
 in weakness. 
 
 The science of legislation is like that of medi- 
 cine in one respect, it is far more easy to point out 
 what will do harm, than what will do good. ' Nequid 
 mmis?* therefore, is perhaps quite as safe a maxim 
 for a Solon as for a Hippocrates, because it unfor- 
 tunately happens, that a good law cannot operate 
 so strongly for the amendment, as a bad law for the 
 depravation of the people ; it is necessary, from 
 the very nature of things, that laws should be pro- 
 hibitory, rather than remunerative, and act upon 
 our fears, rather than upon our hopes. Pains and 
 penalties are far more cheap and feasible modes of 
 influencing the community, than rewards and en- 
 couragements ; therefore, if a law should strongly 
 recommend habits of justice, industry, and sobriety, 
 such a law would be feebly obeyed, because it has 
 little to offer, but very much to oppose ; it has to 
 oppose all the vicious propensities of our nature ; 
 but if through oversight, or indiscretion, a law 
 should happen to connive at, or to tempt the sub- 
 ject to habits of fraud, idleness, or inebriety, such 
 a law, inasmuch as it falls in with all the vicious 
 propensities of our nature, would meet with a prac- 
 tical attention, even beyond its own enactments, 
 and produce works of supererogation on the side 
 of delinquency ; for the road to virtue is a rugged 
 
 * Nothing to excess. — Pui?, 
 
LAC ON. 243 
 
 ascent, to vice a smooth declivity, 'facilis descen- 
 sus avernV* To strengthen the above positions, 
 all the bearings of the poor laws upon society might 
 be fairly adduced ; most of those enactments ope- 
 rate as a bounty upon idleness, and as a drawback 
 upon exertion: they take from independence its 
 proper pride ; from mendicity its salutary shame ; 
 they deprive foresight of its fair reward, and im- 
 providence of its just responsibility. They a<st~aslr. 
 constant and indis criminating mviidXioxi to the mar 
 riage feast, crowding it with guests, without put- 
 ting a single dish upon the table ; we might even 
 affirm, that these law's now indicate a quite contrary 
 tendency, and are beginning to remove the dishes, 
 although they still continue to invite the guests; 
 for there are numerous instances, where the para- 
 lyzing pressure of the poor rates has already begun 
 to produce its own necessary and final consumma- 
 tion — the non-cidtivation of the soil.f 
 
 * Easy is bko descent of Avenues.— Pub. 
 
 t Before a committee of the House of Commons, some 
 fearful evidence was lately adduced, which went to prove 
 the alarming fact, that, m some cases, particularly in the 
 neighbourhood of large manufacturing towns, estates had 
 not been cultivated, as being utterly unable to meet the 
 double demands of rates and of rent. Our late political 
 Hercules, Mr. Pitt, felt the necessity, but shrunk from the 
 difficulty of cleansing the Augean stable of the poor laws. 
 The most effectual mode of assisting the poor, must be the 
 devising some source of employment, that shall enable them 
 to assist themselves. It unfortunately happens, that unless 
 this employment be profitable to those who find the capital, 
 it will not long be serviceable to those who find the indus- 
 try, and how to devise adequate employment for the la- 
 bourer, that shall at the same time repay the capitalist, is 
 the grand arcanum that we want to get hold of, i hoc opus 
 hie labor est.'' Our inexhaustible treasure of coal, and of 
 iron, have made the steam power so available, and so ac« 
 
244 LACON. 
 
 The code of poor laws has at length grown up 
 into a tree, which, like the fabulous Upas, over- 
 shadows and poisons the land ; unwholesome expe- 
 
 cessible, that there seems to be no assignable limit to the 
 improvement of our machinery; but, to permit oar ma- 
 chinery to be exported, is about as wise as to hammer 
 swords upon our own anvils, to be employed against our- 
 selves ; ' in nostros fabricate?,, est machina muros?* It is im- 
 possible to deprive Englishmen of their spirit of enterprise 
 and invention, or of the power of their ingenuity, and their 
 habits of industry ; but our machinery is the imbodied result 
 of all these things put together, and in this point, the ex- 
 portation of it, is to deprive us of much of the benefit of 
 those high qualifications stated ahove ; thus it is that the 
 powers of our heads may ultimately paralyze the labours 
 of our hands. The gigantic and formidable dilemma of the 
 present day is this: three orders of men are vitally neces- 
 sary to the existence of the state, for our national indepen- 
 dence is triune, resting upon the welfare of the agricultu- 
 rist, the manufacturer, and the merchant. The misfortune 
 is, that the agriculturist wants one state of things, oppo- 
 site to, and destructive of the interests of the other two ; for 
 the agriculturist must have high prices, or he can no 
 longer meet the heavy demands upon the land; but the mer- 
 chant and the manufacturer are equally anxious for low 
 orices at home, to enable thefn to compete with the foreigner 
 abroad. Now, inasmuch as it is chiefly from our superiority 
 in machinery, that we are still able to command a prefer- 
 ence of our articles in foreign markets, notwithstanding the 
 state of high prices at home, it follows that the means by 
 which that superiority is preserved, should be most jealously 
 guarded, and like a productive patent, kept as far as pes- 
 sible, exclusively to ourselves. So unbounded is the power 
 of machinery, thai I have been informed, raw cotton is 
 brought by a long and expensive voyage to England, 
 wrought into yarn, and carried out to India, to supply the 
 poor Hindoo with the staple commodity for his muslins of 
 the finest fabric: and this yarn, after having performed two 
 voyages, we can supply him with cheaper than he himself 
 can spin it, although he is contented with a diet of rice and 
 water, and a remuneration of about one penny per day 
 And I have heard a lace manufacturer in the west of Eng 
 • The engines framed to batter our own walls.— Pus. 
 
LACON, 216 
 
 clients were the bud, dilemmas and depravities have 
 been the blossom, and danger and despair arc the 
 bitter fruit : ' radice in tartar a tendit?* 
 
 i 
 
 It is best, if possible, to deceive no one ; for he 
 that like Mahomet or Cromwell, begins by deceiv- 
 ing others, will end like these, by deceiving him- 
 self; should it be absolutely necessary to deceive 
 our enemies, there may be times when this cannot 
 be effectually accomplished without deceiving at 
 the same time our friends ; for that which is known 
 to our friends, will not long be concealed from our 
 enemies. Lord Peterborough persuaded Sir Ro- 
 bert Walpole that Swift had seen the folly of his 
 old political principles, and had come over to those 
 of the administration ; that he found himself buried 
 alive in Ireland, and wished to pass the remainder 
 of his days with English preferment and on Eng- 
 lish ground. After frequent importunities from his 
 lordship, Sir Robert consented to see Swift. He 
 came over from Ireland, and was brought by Lord 
 Peterborough to dine with Sir Robert at Chelsea. 
 His manner was very captivating, full of respect to Sir 
 Robert, and completely imposing on Lord Peterbo- 
 rough ; but we shall see in the sequel, that Swift 
 had ruined himself by not attending to the maxim, 
 that it is necessary at times to deceive our friends 
 as well as our enemies. Sometime after dinner, 
 Sir Robert retired to his closet, and sent for Lord 
 Peterborough, who entered full of joy at Swift's 
 demeanour ; but all this was soon done away ; 
 
 land affirm, that one pound of raw cotton liar, been spun by 
 machinery into yarn so fine, that it would reach from Lon« 
 don to Edinburgh. 
 
 * Its roots reach down to hell.— Pus. 
 '21* 
 
246 LACON. 
 
 'You see, my lord,' said Sir Robert, 'how highly 
 I stand in Swift's favour.' ' Yes,' replied Lord 
 Peterborough, ' and I am confident he means all 
 he says.' Sir Robert proceeded : ' In my situation, 
 assailed as I am by false friends and real enemies, 
 I hold it my duty, and for the king's benefit, to 
 watch correspondence ; this letter I caused to be 
 stopped at the post-office — read it.' It was a letter 
 from Swift to Dr. Arbuthnot, saying that Sir Ro- 
 bert had consented to see him at last ; that he 
 knew no flattery was too gross for Sir Robert, and 
 that he should receive plenty, and added, that he 
 noped very soon to have the old fox in his clutches. 
 Lord Peterborough was in astonishment : Sir Ro- 
 bert never saw Swift again. He speedily returned 
 to Ireland, became a complete misanthrope,* and 
 died without a friend. 
 
 In the superstitious ritual of the church of 
 Rome, the Pope has not the poor merit of invent- 
 ing that mummery by which he reigns. The Ro- 
 man church professes to have a Christian object 
 of adoration, but she worships him with Pagan 
 
 * He did not open his lips, except on one occasion, for 
 seven years. It would seem that he had a melancholy 
 foreboding of his fate, for on seeing an old oak, the head 
 of which was withered, he feelingly exclaimed, ' I shall be 
 like that tree — I shall die at the top.' The following lines 
 in Hypocrisy, allude to this circumstance : — 
 
 1 Then ask not length of days, that giftless gift, 
 More pleased like Wolfe to die, than live like Sw <l • 
 He, with prophetic plaint, his doom divin'd, 
 The body made the living tomb of mind ; 
 Rudder and compass gone, of thought and speech, 
 He lav a mighty wreck, on wisdom's beach V 
 
L A C O N . Mt 
 
 form!!*. She retains the ancient custom of build- 
 ing temples with a position to the east. And what 
 are her statues, her incense, her pictures, her im- 
 age worship, her holy water, her processions, her 
 prodigies, and her legerdemain, but religious cus- 
 toms, which have survived the policy of imperial 
 Rome, but which caused that metropolis, when she 
 became pontifical, to receive popery as an ally, not 
 to submit to it as a sovereign. 
 
 Matrimony is an engagement which must last 
 the life of one of the parties, and there is no 
 retracting, ' vestigia nulla reiror sum; 1 ] therefore, to 
 avoid all the horror of a repentance that comes too 
 late, men should thoroughly know the real causes 
 that induce them to take so important a step, before 
 they venture upon it. Do they stand in need of a 
 wife, an heiress, or a nurse ? Is it their passions, 
 their wants, or their infirmities, that solicit them to 
 
 * I shall quote the following remarks from the learned 
 author of the Dissertation on the Olympic Games. ' Thus 
 were the two most powerful and martial states of Greece 
 subjected in their turn, to the authority of a petty and un~ 
 warlike people; this possibly we should have some diffi- 
 culty to believe, were there not many modern examples of 
 mightier, if not wiser nations, than either of the two above 
 mentioned, having been awed into a submission to a power 
 still more insignificant than that of Elis, by the same edge- 
 less arms, the same brutum fulmen.* Whether the thun- 
 ders of the Vatican were forged in imitation of those of 
 the Olympian Jupiter, I will not determine, though I must 
 take notice that many of the customs and ordinances of the 
 Roman church allude most evidently to many practised in 
 the Olympic stadium, as, extreme unction, the palm, the 
 crown of martyrs, and others, as may be seen at large in 
 Faber's Agonisticon.' 
 
 t No step backward. — Pub. 
 
 * Pointless thunderbolts.— Pus. 
 
248 L \ C O N . 
 
 wed ? Are they candidates for that happy state, 
 ''propter opus, opes, sed opem /"* according to the 
 epigram. These are questions much more proper 
 to be proposed before men go to the altar, than after 
 it ; they are points which, well ascertained, would 
 prevent many disappointments, often deplorable, 
 often ridiculous, always remediless. We should 
 not then see young spendthrifts allying them- 
 selves to females who are not so, only because 
 they have nothing to expend ; nor old debauchees 
 taking a blooming beauty to their bosom, when 
 an additional flannel waistcoat would have been a 
 bedfellow much more salutary and appropriate. 
 
 Yillany that is vigilant, will be an overmatch for 
 virtue, if she slumber on her post ; and hence it is, 
 that a bad cause has often triumphed over a good 
 one ; for the partisans of the former, knowing that 
 their cause will do nothing for them, have done 
 every thing for their cause ; whereas the friends 
 of the latter are too apt to expect every thing from 
 their cause, and to do nothing for themselves. 
 
 War is a game in which princes seldom win, the 
 people never. To be defended, is almost as great 
 an evil as to be attacked; and the peasant has 
 often found the shield of a protector, no less op- 
 pressive than the sword of an invader. Wars of 
 opinion, as they have been the most destructive, 
 are also the most disgraceful of conflicts ; being 
 appeals from right to might, and from argument to 
 artillery ; the fomenters of them have considered 
 the raw material, man, to have been formed for no 
 worthier purposes than to fill up gazettes at home 
 
 * For work, or wealth, or aid. — Pltb. 
 
LACON. 219 
 
 with their names, and ditches abroad with tneir 
 bodies. Let us hope that true philosophy, the 
 joint offspring of a religion that is pure, and of & 
 reason that is enlightened, will gradually prepare a 
 better order of things, when mankind will no longer 
 be insulted, by seeing bad pens mended by good 
 swords, and weak heads exalted by strong hands. 
 
 Powerful friends, and first-rate connexions, often 
 assist a man's rise, and contribute to his promo- 
 tion; but there are many instances wherein all 
 these things have acted as impediments against 
 him, ' ipsa sibi obstat magnitudo ;'* for our very 
 greatness may prevent its own aggrandizement, 
 and be kept down by its own weight, ' mole ruit 
 suo.'f It is well known that the conclave of car- 
 dinals were extremely jealous of permitting a 
 Jesuit to fill the apostolic chair, because that body 
 was already too powerful and overbearing ; dignus 
 sed jesuita\ est^ was a common maxim of the Vati- 
 can ; the fact is, that men like to retain seme little 
 power and influence over those whom they aggran- 
 dize and advance ; and hence it happens that 
 great talents, supported by great connexions, are 
 not unfrequently passed over, for those that are less 
 powerful but more practicable; and less exalted, 
 but more manageable and subservient. 
 
 * Its own greatness is an obstacle. — Pub. 
 t Its own weight pulls it down. — Pue. 
 
 ^ t The talent for intrigue which distinguished that so- 
 ciety, became at length so brilliant, as to consume itself. 
 Of this most extraordinary ■offspring of Loyola, many will 
 be inclined to repeat, l urit enim fulgore siio ;'* but fe"W 
 will be ready to add, ' extinctus amabitur idem.'l 
 § He is worthy, but a Jesuit. — Pub. 
 
 * It burns with its own brightness.— Pub. 
 '* When dead he will be regarded— Pub. 
 
250 LACON. 
 
 On reflecting upon all the frauds and deceptions 
 that have succeed sd in duping mankind, it is really 
 astonishing, upon how very small a foundation, an 
 immense superstructure may be raised. The solu- 
 tion of this may perhaps be found in that axiom of 
 the atomists : That there must ever be a much greater 
 distance between nothing, and that which is least, 
 than between that which is least, and the greatest 
 
 Matches, wherein one party is all passion, and 
 the other all indifference, will assimilate about as 
 well as ice and fire. It is possible that the fire 
 will dissolve the ice, but it is most probable that it 
 will be extinguished in the attempt. 
 
 It is only when the rich are sick, that they fully 
 feel the impotence of wealth. 
 
 The keenest abuse of our enemies, will not hurt 
 us so much in the estimation of the discerning, as 
 the injudicious praise of our friends. 
 
 This world cannot explain its own difficulties, 
 without the assistance of another. 
 
 In the constitution, both of our mind and of our 
 body, every thing must go on right, and harmo- 
 nize well together to make us happy ; but should 
 one thing go wrong, that is quite enough to make 
 us miserable ; and although the joys of this world 
 are vain and short, yet its sorrows are real and 
 lasting ; for I will show you a tun of perfect pain, 
 with greater ease than one ounce of perfect pleas- 
 ure ; and he knows kittle of himself, or of the 
 world, who does not think it sufficient happiness to 
 be free from sorrow ; therefore, give a wise map 
 health, and he will give himself every other thing 
 
LACON. P51 
 
 I say, give him health, for it often happens that 
 the most ignorant empiric can do us the greatest 
 harm, although the most skilful physician knows 
 not how to do us the slightest good. 
 
 The advocate for torture would wish to see th6 
 strongest hand joined to the basest heart, and the 
 weakest head. Engendered in intellectual, and 
 carried on in artificial darkness, torture is a trial, 
 not of guilt, but of nerve, not of innocence, but of 
 endurance ; it perverts the whole order of things, 
 for it compels the weak to affirm that which is 
 false, and determines the strong to deny that which 
 is true ; it converts the criminal into the evidence, 
 the judge into the executioner, and makes a direr 
 punishment than would follow guilt, precede it. 
 When under the cloak of religion, and the garb 
 of an ecclesiastic, torture is made an instrument 
 of accomplishing the foulest schemes of worldly 
 ambition, it then becomes an atrocity that can be 
 described or imagined, only where it has been seen 
 and felt. It is consolatory to the best sympathies 
 of our nature, that the hydra head of this monster 
 has been broken, and a triumph over her, as 
 bright as it is bloodless, obtained in that very coun- 
 try, whose aggravated wrongs had well nigh made 
 vengeance a virtue, and clemency a crime. 
 
 A semi-civilized state of society, equally re- 
 moved from the extremes of barbarity and of refine- 
 ment, seems to be that particular meridian, under 
 which all the reciprocities and gratitudes of hospi- 
 tality do most readi 1 ^ flourish and abound. It so 
 happens, that the eass, the luxury, and the abun- 
 dance of the highest state of civilization, are as 
 productive of selfishness, as the difficulties, the 
 
252 LACO N 
 
 privations and sterilities of the lowest. In a com 
 munity, just emerging from the natural state to 
 the artificial, and from the rude to the civilized, the 
 wants and the struggles of the individual will compel 
 the most liberal propensities of our nature to begin 
 at home, and too often end where they began ; 
 the history of our own country will justify these 
 conclusions, for as civilization proceeded, and prop 
 erty became legalized and extended, the civil and 
 ecclesiastical impropriators of the soil, set an ex- 
 ample of hospitality, coarse indeed, and ^discrim- 
 inating, but of unrivalled magnificence, from the 
 extent of its scale, if not from the elegance of its 
 arrangements. The possessor had no other mode 
 of spending his vast revenues. The dissipations, 
 the amusements, and the facilities of intercourse, 
 to be met with in large towns and cities, were 
 unknown. He that wanted society, and who that 
 can have it, wants it not? cheerfully opened his 
 cellars, his stables, and his halls ; the retinue be 
 came as necessary to the lord, as the lord to the 
 retinue ; and the parade and splendour of the chase 
 were equalled only by the prodigality and the pro- 
 fusion of the banquet. As the arts and sciences 
 advanced, and commerce and manufactures im 
 proved, a new state of things arose. The refine- 
 ments of luxury enabled the individual to expend 
 the whole of his income, however vast, upon him- 
 self; and hospitality immediately yielded to parsi 
 mony, and magnificence to meanness. The Croe- 
 sus of civilization can now wear a whole forest in 
 his pocket, in the shape of a watch, and can carry 
 the produce of a whole estate upon his little finger, 
 in the shape of a ring ; he can gormandize a whole 
 ox at a meal, metamorphosed into a turtle, and wash 
 
LACO X . 253 
 
 it down with a whole butt of October, condensed 
 into a flagon of tokay ; and he can conclude these 
 feats, by selling the whole interests of a kingdom 
 for a bribe, and by putting the costly price of hia 
 delinquency in a snuff-box. 
 
 Modern criticism discloses that which it would 
 fain conceal, but conceals that which it professes 
 to disclose ; it is therefore read by the discerning, 
 not to discover the merits of an author, but the mo 
 lives of his critic. 
 
 Living kings receive more flattery than they 
 deserve, but less praise. They are flattered by 
 sycophants, who, as they have their own interest 
 at heart, much more than that of their master, are 
 far more anxious to say what Avill be profitable to 
 themselves, than salutary to him. But the high- 
 minded and independent, although they will be the 
 first to perceive, and the fittest to appreciate the 
 sterling qualities of a sovereign, will be the last to 
 applaud them, while he fills a throne. The rea- 
 sons are obvious ; their praises would neither be 
 advantageous to the monarch, nor creditable to 
 themselves. Not advantageous to the monarch, be- 
 cause however pure may be the principles of their 
 admiration, the world will give them no such credit, 
 but will mix up the praises of the most disinter- 
 ested with the flatteries of the most designing, 
 wherever a living king is the theme ; neither will 
 such praises be creditable to those who bestow 
 them, for they will be sure to incur the obloquy of 
 flattery, without the wages of adulation, and wil 
 share in the punishment, without participating it 
 the spoil or concurring in the criminality. None 
 therefore but those who have established the high 
 
 22 
 
254 LACON. 
 
 est character for magnanimity and independence, 
 may safely venture to praise living merit, when in 
 the person of a king,* it gives far more lustre to a 
 crown than it receives. 
 
 If we steal thoughts from the moderns, it will 
 be cried down as plagiarism ; if from the ancients, 
 it will be cried up as erudition. But in this respect, 
 every author is a Spartan, being more ashamed of 
 the discovery, than of the depredation. Yet the 
 offence itself may not be so heinous as the manner 
 of committing it ; for some, as Voltaire,! not only 
 steal, but, like the harpies, befoul and bespatter 
 those whom they have plundered. Others, again, 
 give us the mere carcass of another man's thoughts, 
 but deprived of all their life and spirit, and this is 
 to add murder to robbery. I have somewhere seen 
 it observed, that we should make the same use of 
 a book, as a bee does of a flower ; she steals 
 sweets from it, but does not injure it ; and those 
 sweets she herself improves and concocts into 
 honey. Most plagiarists, like the drone, have 
 neither taste to select, industry to acquire, nor skill 
 to improve, but impudently pilfer the honey ready 
 prepared, from the hive. 
 
 * What has been said of happiness, with regard to men, 
 may be said of praise with respect to monarchs, with a 
 slight alteration : — 
 
 { Picique Celebris, 
 Ante obitum, nemo, supremaque funera debet.'* 
 t He robbed Shakspeare, and then abused him, compar- 
 ing him, among other things, to a dunghill. It was in al- 
 lusion to these plagiarisms, that Mrs. Montague retorted 
 upon Voltaire, that if Shakspeare was a dunghill, he had 
 enriched a very ungrateful soil. 
 
 * Let none be called famous before his death. — Pub. 
 
LAC ON. 255 
 
 Custom is the law of one description of fools, 
 and fashion of another ; but the two parties often 
 clash ; for precedent is the legislator of the first 
 and novelty of the last. Custom, therefore, looks 
 to things that are past, and fashion to things that 
 are present, but both of them are somewhat pur- 
 blind as to things that are to come; of the two, 
 fashion imposes the heaviest burden ; for she cheats 
 her votaries of their time, their fortune, and their 
 comforts, and she repays them only with the cele- 
 brity of being ridiculed and despised ; a very par- 
 adoxical mode of remuneration, yet always most 
 thankfully received ! Fashion is the veriest god- 
 dess of semblance and of shade; to be happy, is 
 of far less consequence to her worshippers, than to 
 appear so ; even pleasure itself they sacrifice to 
 parade, and enjoyment to ostentation. She requires 
 the most passive and implicit obedience, at the 
 same time that, she imposes a most grievous load 
 of ceremonies, and the slightest murmurings would 
 only cause the recusant to be laughed at by ail 
 other classes, and excommunicated by his own, 
 Fashion builds her temple in the capital of some 
 mighty empire, and having selected four or five 
 hundred of the silliest people it contains, she dubs 
 them with the magnificent and imposing title of the 
 world ! But the marvel and the misfortune is, that 
 this arrogant title is as universally accredited by 
 the many who abjure, as by the few who adore 
 her ; and this creed of fashion, requires not only 
 the weakest folly, but the strongest faith, since it 
 would maintain that the minority are the whole, 
 and the majority are nothing! Her smile has 
 given wit to dulness, and g*race to deformity, and 
 has brought every thing into vogue, by turns, 
 
256 LACON 
 
 but virtue. Yet she is most capricious in hei 
 favours, often running from those that pursue her 
 and coming round to those that stand still. It 
 were mad to follow her, and rash to oppose her 
 but neither rash nor mad to despise her. 
 
 Logic and metaphysics make use of more tools 
 than all the rest of the sciences put together, and 
 do the least work. A modern metaphysician had 
 been declaiming before a large party, on the excel- 
 lence of his favourite pursuit ; an old gentleman 
 who had been listening to him with the most vora 
 cious attention, at length ventured humbly to 
 inquire of him, whether it was his opinion that the 
 metaphysics would ever be reduced to the same 
 certainty and demonstration as the mathematics ? 
 'Oh! most assuredly,' replied our oracle, 'there 
 cannot be the slightest doubt of that !' The 
 author of this notable discovery must have known 
 more of metaphysics than any other man, or less 
 of mathematics ; and I leave my readers to decide, 
 whether his confidence was built on a profound 
 knowledge of the one, or a profound ignorance of 
 the other. 
 
 That which we acquire with the most difficulty, 
 we retain the longest, as those who have earned a 
 fortune, are usually more careful of it, than those 
 who have inherited one. It is recorded of Pro- 
 fessor Porson,* that he talked his Greek fluently, 
 when he could no longer articulate in English. 
 
 * The professor was remarkable for a strong memory, 
 which was not so puzzling as the great perfection of his 
 other faculties ; for, to the utter confusion of all craniolo- 
 gists, on examination after death, it turned out that this 
 
LA CON. 257 
 
 Falsehood is often rocked by truth, but she soon 
 outgrows her cradle, and discards her nurse. 
 
 The straits of Thermopylae were defended by 
 only three hundred men, but they were all Spar~ 
 tans ; and, in advocating our own cause, we ought 
 to trust rather to the force, than to the number of 
 our arguments, and to care not how few they be, 
 should that few be incontrovertible ; when we hear 
 one argument refuted, we are apt to suspect that 
 the others are weak ; and a cause that is well sup- 
 ported, may be compared to an arch that is well 
 built — nothing can be taken away without endan- 
 gering the whole. 
 
 Literature has her quacks no less than medi 
 cine, and they are divided into two classes ; those 
 who have erudition without genius, and those who 
 have volubility without depth : we shall get second- 
 hand sense from the one, and original nonsense 
 from the other. 
 
 It is common to say, that a liar will not be 
 believed, although he speak the truth ; the con- 
 verse of this proposition is equally true, but more 
 unfortunate ; that a man who has gained a reputa- 
 tion for veracity will not be discredited, although 
 he should utter that which is false ; but he that 
 would make use of a reputation for veracity, to 
 
 great scholar was gifted with the thickest scull that e /er 
 was dissected. How his vast erudition could get into such 
 a receptacle, was the only difficulty to be explained ; but, 
 when once in, it seems there were very solid and substan» 
 tial reasons to prevent its getting out again. 
 22* 
 
258 L A C O N . 
 
 establish a lie, would set fire to the temple of truth< 
 with a fagot stolen from her altar. 
 
 Some read to think, these are rare ; some to 
 write, these are common ; and some read to talk, 
 and these form the great majority. The first page 
 of an author not un frequently suffices all the pur- 
 poses of this latter class, of whom it has been said, 
 they treat books as some do lords ; they inform 
 themselves of their titles, and then boast of an in- 
 timate acquaintance. 
 
 The two most precious things on this side the 
 grave are our reputation and our life. But it is to 
 be lamented that the most contemptible whisper 
 may deprive us of the one, and the weakest 
 weapon of the other. A wise ma*n, therefore, wiil 
 be more anxious to deserve a fair name, than to 
 possess it, and this will teach him so to live, as not 
 to be afraid to die. 
 
 He that places himself neither higher nor lower 
 than he ought to do, exercises the truest humility ; 
 and few things are so disgusting as the arrogant 
 affability of the great, which only serves to show 
 others the sense they entertain of their inferiority, 
 since they consider it necessary to stoop so low to 
 meet it. A certain prelate, now no more, happened 
 to meet at a large party, his old collegiate acquaint- 
 ance, the celebrated Dr. G., of coursing and cias 
 sical notoriety. Having oppressed the doctor with 
 a plentiful dose of condescension, his lordship, 
 with a familiarity evidently afTected, inquired of 
 
■L.AC ON. 259 
 
 the doctor, how long it might be since they had 
 last the pleasure of seeing one another '? 6 The 
 last time I had the honour of seeing your lord- 
 ship,' said the doctor, ' happened to be when you 
 were walking to serve your curacy at Trumping- 
 ton, and I was riding to serve my church at Ches- 
 terford ; and as the rain happened to be particularly 
 heavy, your lordship most graciously condescended 
 to mount my servant's horse. The animal not 
 having been used to carry double, was unruly, and 
 when your lordship dismounted, it was at the 
 expense of no small number of stitches in your 
 small-clothes. I felt not a little embarrassed for 
 your lordship, as you had not then an apron to 
 cover them ; but I' remember that you soon set me 
 at ease, by informing me, that a sermon, enclosing 
 some black thread arid a needle, were three articles 
 which you never travelled without ; on hearing 
 which, I ventured to congratulate your lordship on 
 the happy expedient you had hit upon for giving a 
 connected thread to your discourse, and some 
 polish no less than point to your arguments.' — His 
 lordship was never afterwards known to ask an old 
 friend how long it was since he had last the pleasure 
 of seeing him. 
 
 Most females will forgive a liberty, rather than a 
 slight, and if any woman were to hang a man for 
 stealing her picture, althougn it were set in gold, it 
 would be a new case in law ; but if he carried off 
 the setting, and left the portrait, I would not answer 
 for his safety, even if Alley were his pleader, and 
 a Middlesex jury his peers. The felon would be 
 doomed to feel experimentally, the force of two 
 
260 LA CON. 
 
 lines of the poet, which, on this occasion, I shal 
 unite : — 
 
 * Fozmina quid pos sit, 
 
 ' Spretcsque injuria forma.'* 
 
 Habit will reconcile us to every thing but change 
 and even to change, if it recur not too quickly 
 Milton, therefore, makes his hell an ice house, as 
 well as an oven, and freezes his devils at one 
 period, but bakes them at another. The late Sir 
 George Staunton informed me, that he had visited 
 a man in India, who had committed a murder, and 
 in order not only to save his life, but what was oi 
 much more consequence, his caste, he submitted to 
 the penalty imposed ; this was, that he should 
 sleep for seven years on a bedstead, without any 
 mattress, the whole surface of which was studded 
 with points of iron resembling nails, but not s< 
 sharp as to penetrate the flesh. Sir George saw 
 him in the fifth year of his probation, and his skin 
 was then like the hide of a rhinoceros, but more 
 callous ; at that time, however, he could sleep 
 comfortably on his ' bed of thorns? and remarked 
 that at the expiration of the term of his sentence, 
 he should most probably continue that system from 
 choice, which he had been obliged to adopt from 
 necessity. 
 
 Those who have a thorough knowledge of the 
 human heart, will often produce all the best effects 
 of the virtues, by a subtle appeal to the vanities oi 
 those with whom they have to do ; — and can cause 
 the very weakness of our minds, indirectly, t< 
 
 * What things a woman, when 0.c$insed % can do. — I*ud< 
 
LA CON. 261 
 
 contribute to the furtherance of measures, from 
 whose strength the powers of our minds would 
 perhaps recoil, as unequal and inefficient. A 
 preacher in the neighbourhood of Blackfriars, not 
 undeservedly popular, had just finished an exhor- 
 tation strongly recommending the liberal support of 
 a certain very meritorious institution. The con- 
 gregation was numerous, and the chapel crowded 
 to excess. The discourse being finished, the plate 
 was about to be handed round to the respective 
 pews, when the preacher made this short address 
 to the congregation : ' From the great sympathy I 
 have witnessed in your countenances, and the 
 strict attention you have honoured me with, there 
 is only one thing I am afraid of; that some of you 
 may feel inclined to give too much ; now it is my 
 duty to inform you, that justice, though not so 
 pleasant, yet should always be a prior virtue to 
 generosity; therefore, as you will all immediately 
 be w r aited upon in your respective pews, I wish to 
 have it thoroughly understood, that no person will 
 think of putting any thing into the plate, who cannot 
 pay his debts.'' 1 need not add, that this advice 
 produced a most overflowing collection. 
 
 Little errors ought to be pardoned, if committed 
 by those who are great, in things that are greatest. 
 Paley once made a false quantity in the church of 
 St. Mary's ; and Bishop Watson most feelingly 
 laments the valuable time he was obliged to squan- 
 der away, in attending to such minutice. Nothing, 
 however, is more disgusting than the triumphant 
 cro wings of learned dunces, if by any chance they 
 can fasten a slip or peccadillo of this kind upon an 
 ill ustrio . s name. But these spots in thje sun, they 
 
262 LACON. 
 
 should remember, will be expo&.-a (Ally by those 
 who have made use of the smoky glass of envy 01 
 of prejudice ; it is to be expected that these 
 trifles should have great importance attached to 
 them by such men, for they constitute the little 
 intellectual all of weak minds, and if they had not 
 them, they would have nothing. But he, that like 
 Paley, has actually measured living men, may be 
 allowed the privilege of an occasional false quanti 
 ty in dead languages ; and even a false concord in 
 words, may be pardoned in him, who has produced 
 a true concord between such momentous things as 
 the purest faith and the profoundest reason. 
 
 Nobility is a river that sets with a constant and 
 undeviating current, directly into the great Pacific 
 ocean of time ; but, unlike all other rivers, it is 
 more grand at its source, than at its termination. 
 
 The greatest difficulty in pulpit eloquence, is to 
 give the subject all the dignity it so fully deserves, 
 without attaching any importance to ourselves ; 
 some preachers reverse the thing ; — they give so 
 much importance to themselves, that they have 
 none left for the subject. 
 
 Ingratitude in a superior, is very often nothing 
 more than the refusal of some unreasonable re- 
 quest ; and if the patron does too little, it is not 
 unfrequently because the dependant expects too 
 much. A certain pope, who had been raised from 
 an obscure situation, to the apostolic chair, wad 
 immediately w r aited upon by a deputation sent from 
 a small district, in which he had formerly officiated 
 as cure. It seems that he had promised *Ke 
 
Li A CON. 263 
 
 inhabitants that lie would do something for them, 
 if it should ever be in his power ; and some of 
 them now appeared before him, to remind him of 
 his promise, and also to request that he would fulfil 
 it by granting them two harvests in every year ! 
 He acceded to this modest request on condition 
 that they should go home immediately, and so 
 adjust the almanack of their own particular district, 
 as to make every year of their register consist of 
 twenty-four calender months. 
 
 Those traitors, who know that they have sinned 
 beyond forgiveness, have not the courage to be 
 true to these, whom they presume are perfectly 
 acquainted with the full extent of their treachery. 
 It is conjectured that Cromwell would have pro- 
 posed terms of reconciliation to Charles the Second, 
 could he but have harboured the hope that he would 
 forgive his father's blood ; and it was the height of 
 wisdom in Caesar, to refuse to be as wise as he 
 might have been, if he had not immediately burnt 
 the cabinet of Pompey which he took at Pharsalia. 
 
 i Noscitur a SociisJ* is a proverb that does not 
 invariable apply ; for men of the highest talent 
 have not always culled their familiar society 
 from minds of a similar caliber with their own. 
 There are moments of relaxation, when they prefer 
 friendship to philosophy, and comfort to counsel. 
 Fatigued by confuting the coxcombs, or exhausted 
 by coping with the giants of literature, there are 
 moments, when the brightest minds prefer the 
 soothings of sympathy to all the brilliancy of wit, 
 
 ♦ He is known by his company Pitb. 
 
264 L A C O N . 
 
 as he that is in need of repose, selects a bed of 
 feathers, rather than of Hints. 
 
 Politics and personalities will give a temporary 
 interest to authors, but they must possess something 
 more if they would wish to render that interest 
 permanent. I question whether Junius himsejf, 
 had not been long since forgotten, if we could 
 but have ascertained whom to forget ; but our 
 reminiscences were kept from slumbering, chierly 
 because it was undetermined where they should 
 rest. The letters of Junius* are a splendid monu 
 
 * In my humble opinion the talents of Junius have been 
 overrated. Horn** Tooke gained a decisive victory over 
 him ; but Home was a host, and I have heard one who knew 
 him well, observe, that he was a man who felt nothing, 
 and feared nothing ; the person alluded to above, also in- 
 formed me that Home Tooke on one occasion wrote a 
 challenge to Wilkes, who was then sheriff for the county of 
 Middlesex. Wilkes had signalized himself in a most deter- 
 mined affair with Martin, on account of No. forty-five in 
 the True Briton, and he wrote Home Tooke the following 
 laconic reply to the challenge. { Sir, I do not think it my 
 business to cut the throat of every desperado that may be 
 tired of his life ; but as I am at present high sheriff for 
 the city of London, it may happen that I may shortly have 
 an opportunity of attending you in my official capacity, in 
 which case I will answer for it,that you shall have no ground 
 to complain of my endeavours to serve you.' Probably it 
 was about this time that Home Tooke on being asked by a 
 foreigner of distinction, how much treason an Englishman 
 might venture to write without being hanged, replied;, 
 that he could not inform him just yet, but that he was try- 
 ing. To return to Junius, I have always suspected that 
 those letters were written by some one who had either af- 
 terwards apostatized from the principles which they con- 
 tain, or who had been induced from mercenary and per- 
 son al motives, to advocate them with so much asperity, and 
 that they were not avowed by the writer, merely because 
 such an avowal would have detracted more from his repu 
 
L A C O N. 263 
 
 ment, an unappropriated cenotaph, which, like the 
 pyramids of Egypt, derives much of its importance 
 from the mystery in which the hand that reared it 
 «s involved. 
 
 No men deserve the title of infidels, so little as 
 those to whom it has been usually applied ; let any 
 of those who renounce Christianity, write fairly 
 down in a book, all the absurdities that they believe 
 instead of it, and they will find that it requires more 
 faith to reject Christianity than to embrace it. 
 
 The temple of truth is built indeed of stones of 
 crystal, but, inasmuch as men have been concerned 
 in rearing it, it has been consolidated by a cement, 
 composed of baser materials. It is deeply to, be 
 lamented, that truth herself will attract little atten- 
 tion, and less esteem, until it be amalgamated with 
 some particular party, persuasion, or sect; unmixed 
 and adulterated, it too often proves as unfit for 
 currency, as pure gold for circulation. Sir Walter 
 Raleigh has observed, that he that follows truth 
 too closely, must take care that she does not strike 
 out his teeth ; he that follows truth too closely, 
 has little to fear from truth, but he has much to 
 fear from the pretended friends of it. He, there- 
 fore, that is dead to all the smiles and to all tho 
 frowns of the living, alone is equal to the hazardous 
 task of writing a history of his own times, worthy 
 of being transmitted to times that are to come. 
 
 tation as a man than it would have added to his fame as an 
 author. This supposition has been considerably strengthen- 
 ed by a late very conclusive and well-reasoned volume, en- 
 titled Junius Identified, published by Messrs, Taylor and 
 Hessey, 
 
 23 
 
266 L A C N . 
 
 Genius, when employed in works whose tea* 
 dency it is to demoralize and to degrade us, should 
 be contemplated with abhorrence rather than with 
 admiration ; such a monument of its power, may 
 indeed be stamped with immortality, but like the 
 Colisaeum at Rome, we deplore its magnificence, 
 because we detest the purposes for which it was 
 designed. 
 
 Anguish of mind has driven thousands to sui 
 cide ; anguish of body, none. This proves, that 
 the health of the mind is of far greater conse- 
 quence than the health of the body, although both 
 are deserving of much more attention than either of 
 them receive. 
 
 Intrigues of state, like games of whist, require a 
 partner, and in both, success is the joint effect of 
 chance and of skill ; but the former differ from the 
 latter in one particular — the knaves rule the kings. 
 Count Stackelberg was sent on a particular em- 
 bassy by Catherine of Russia, into Poland ; on 
 the same occasion, Thurgut was despatched by 
 the emperor of Germany. Both these ambassa- 
 dors were strangers to each other. When the 
 morning appointed for an audience arrived, Thurgut 
 was ushered into a magnificent saloon, where, 
 seeing a dignified looking man seated and attended 
 by a number of Polish noblemen, who were stand- 
 ing most respectfully before him, the German 
 ambassador (Thurgut) concluded it was the king, 
 and addressed him as such, with the accustomed 
 formalities. This dignified looking creature turned 
 out to be Stackelberg, who received the unex 
 jjected homege with pride and silence. Soon after 
 
LACON. 267 
 
 the king entered the presence chamber, and Thur- 
 gut, perceiving his mistake, retired, much morti- 
 fied and rshamed. In the evening, it so happened 
 that both these ambassadors were playing cards 
 at the same table with his majesty. The German 
 envoy threw down a card, saying, ' The king of 
 clubs !' ' A mistake !' said the monarch ; l it is the 
 knave !' ' Pardon me, sire,' exclaimed Thurgut, 
 casting a significant glance at Stackelberg ; ' this 
 is the second time to-day I have mistaken a knave 
 for a king ! !' Stackelberg, though very prompt at 
 repartee, bit his lips, and was silent. 
 
 As it is far more difficult to be just, than to be 
 generous, so also those will often find it a much 
 harder task to punish than to pardon, who have 
 both in their power. There is no one quality of the 
 mind, that requires more resolution, and receives a 
 less reward, than that prospective but ultimately 
 merciful severity, which strikes the individual for 
 the good of the community. The popular voice — 
 the tears of relatives — the influence of rank — -the 
 eloquence of talent — may all conspire to recom- 
 mend an act of clemency, in itself most grateful to 
 the sympathies of one whose high situation has 
 privileged him to exert it. What shall we put into 
 the opposite scale 1 The public good. But it may 
 happen that the public themselves have signified 
 their willingness to waive this high consideration. 
 Here, then, the supreme head of the state is forced 
 upon a trial almost too great for humanity ; he is 
 called upon to sink the feelings of the man in the 
 firmness of the magistrate, to sacrifice the finest 
 sensibilities of the heart to the sternest dictates of 
 the head, and to exhibit an integrity more pure than 
 
£68 LACON. 
 
 the ice of Zembla, but as repulsive and as cold. 
 Those who can envy a sovereign so painful a pre- 
 rogative, know little of others, and less of them- 
 selves. Had Doctor Dodd* been pardoned, who 
 
 * Many thinking persons lament that forgery should be 
 punished with death. If we consider forgery as confined to 
 tin notes of the bank of England, it has been universally ob- 
 jected to them that they have hitherto been executed in so 
 slovenly a manner, as to have become temptations to the 
 crime. This circumstance has been attended with another 
 evil not quite so obvious ; it has given ground for a false 
 and cruel mode of reasoning ; it has been argued, that an of- 
 fence holding out such facilities, can only be prevented by 
 making the severest possible example of the offender ; but 
 surely it would be more humane, and much more in the 
 true spirit of legislation, to prevent the crime rather by re- 
 moving those facilities which act as temptations to it, than 
 bypassing a law for the punishment of it so severe that the 
 very prosecutors shrink from the task of going the full ex- 
 tent of its enactments, by perpetually permitting the delin- 
 quents to plead guilty to the minor offence. In the particu- 
 lar case of Dr. Dodd, these observations will not fully ap- 
 ply; and the observation of Thurlow to his sovereign was in 
 this correct, that all partial exceptions should be scrupu- 
 lously avoided. I have however heard the late honourable 
 Daines Barrington give another reason for Dodd's execu- 
 tion. This gentleman also informed me that he was pre- 
 sent at the attempt to recover Dodd, which would have 
 succeeded if a room had been fixed upon nearer the place 
 jf execution, as the vital spark was not entirely extinguished 
 when the measures lor resuscitation commenced ; but they 
 ultimately failed, owing to the immense crowd which pre- 
 vented the arrival of the hearse in proper time. A very 
 feasible scheme had also been devised for the doctor's es- 
 cape from Newgate. The outline of it, as I have had it from 
 the gentleman mentioned above, was this : Tnore was a cer- 
 tain woman in the lower walk of life, who h ippened to be 
 in features remarkably like the doctor. Money was not 
 wanting, and she was engaged to wait on Dodd in New- 
 gate. Mr. Kirby, at that time the governor .if the prison, 
 was inclioed to show the doctor every civility compatible 
 with his melancholy situation ; amongst other indulges 
 
LAC ON. 269 
 
 shall say how many men of similar talents that 
 cruel pardon might not have fatally ensnared. Elo- 
 quent as he was, and exemplary as perhaps he 
 would have been, an enlarged view of his case 
 authorizes this irrefragable inference ; that the most 
 undeviating rectitude, and the longest life of such a 
 man, could not have conferred so great and so per ma- 
 
 ces, books, paper, pens, and a reading desk had been per- 
 mitted to be brought to him ; and it was not unusual for 
 the doctor to be found by his friends, sitting at his reading 
 desk, and dressed in trie habiliments of his profession. 
 The woman above alluded to was, in the character of a do- 
 mestic, in the constant habit of coming in and out of the 
 prison, to bring paper, linen, or other necessaries. The 
 party who had planned the scheme of his escape, soon af- 
 ter the introduction of this female had been established, 
 met together in a room near the prison, and requested the 
 woman to permit herself to be dressed in the doctor's wig, 
 gown, and canonicals ; she consented ; and in this dis- 
 guise the resemblance was so striking, that it astonished 
 all who were in the secret, and would have deceived any 
 who were not. She was then sounded as to her willing- 
 ness to assist in the doctor's escape, if she were well re- 
 warded ; after some consideration she consented to play 
 her part in the scheme, which was simply this, that on a 
 day agreed upon, the doctor's irons having been previous- 
 ly filed, she should exchange dresses, put on the doctor's 
 gown and wig, and occupy his seat at the reading desk, 
 while the doctor, suddenly metamorphosed into his own 
 female domestic, was to have put a bonnet on his head, 
 take a bundle under his arm, and walked coolly and qui- 
 etly out of the prison. It is thought that this plan would 
 have been crowned with success, if the Doctor himself 
 could have been persuaded to accede to it ; but he had all 
 along buoyed himself up with the hope of a reprieve, and 
 like that ancient general who disdained to owe a victory 
 m a stratagem, so neither would the doctor be indebied 
 for his life to a trick. The event proved that it was an* 
 fortunate that he should have had so many scruples on 
 this occasion, and so few on another. 
 
27C LACON. 
 
 nent a benefit on society, as that single satrifitt, his 
 death. On this memorable occasion, Europe saw 
 the greatest monarch she contained, acknowledg- 
 ing a sovereign, within his own dominions, greater 
 than himself; a sovereign that triumphed not only 
 over .his power, but over his pity — the supremacy 
 of the laws. 
 
 The praise of the envious is far less creditable 
 than their censure ; they praise only that which 
 they can surpass * but that which surpasses them — 
 they censure. 
 
 * Sir Joshua Reynolds had as few faults as most men, 
 but jealousy is the besetting sin of his profession, and Sir 
 Joshua did not altogether escape the contagion. From 
 some private pique or other, he was too apt to take every 
 opportunity of depreciating the merits of Wilson, perhaps 
 the first landscape painter of his day. On a certain occa- 
 sion, when some members of the profession were discus- 
 sing the respective merits of their brother artists, Sir Joshua, 
 in the presence of Wilson, more pointedly than politely 
 remarked, that Gainsborough was indisputably and beyond 
 all comparison, the first landscape painter of the day ; now 
 it will be recollected that Gainsborough was very far from a 
 contemptible painter of portraits as well ; and Wilson im- 
 mediately followed up the remark of Sir Joshua by saying, 
 that whether Gainsborough was the first landscape painter 
 or not of the day, yet there was one thing in which all pre- 
 sent, not excepting Sir Joshua himself, would agree, that 
 Gainsborough was the first portrait painter of the day 
 without any probability of a rival. Here we see two men 
 respectively eminent in the departments of their art giving 
 an undeserved superiority to a third in both ; but a supe- 
 riority only given to gratify the pique of each, at the ex- 
 pense of the feelings of the other. The late Mr. West was 
 perfectly free from this nigra succus loliginis.'t This free- 
 dom from all envy was not lost upon the discriminating 
 head, and benevolent heart of our late sovereign. Sir Will- 
 iam Beachy having just returned from Windsor, where 
 
 t The blood of the black cuttle fish. (i. e. envv.V— Pub. 
 
CACON. 271 
 
 Men are more readily contented with no intel- 
 lectual light than a little ; and wherever they have 
 been taught to acquire some knowledge in order to 
 please others, they have most generally gone on 
 to acquire more, to please themselves. ' So far 
 shalt thou go, but no farther? is as inapplicable to 
 wisdom as to the wave. The fruit of the tree of 
 knowledge may stand in the garden, unde sired, only 
 so long as it be untouched ; but the moment it is 
 tasted, all prohibition will be vain. The present is 
 an age of inquiry, and truth is the real object of 
 many, the avowed object of all. But as truth can 
 neither be divided against herself, nor rendered 
 destructive of herself, as she courts investigation, 
 and solicits inquiry, it follows that her worshippers 
 must grow with the growth, strengthen with the 
 strength, and improve with the advancement of 
 knowledge. ' Quieta ne movete?* is a sound maxim 
 for a rotten cause. But there is a nobler maxim 
 from a higher source, which enjoins us to try all 
 things, but to hold fast that which is good. The 
 day is past, when custom could procure acquies- 
 cence ; antiquity, reverence ; or power, obedience 
 to error ; and although error, and that of the most 
 
 he had enjoyed an interview with his late majesty, called 
 on West in London. He was out, but drank tea with Mrs. 
 West, and took an opportunity of informing her how very 
 high Mr. West stood in the good opinion of his sovereign, 
 who had particularly dwelt on Mr. West's entire freedom 
 from jealousy or envy, and who had remarked to Sir 
 William, that in the numerous interviews he had permit- 
 ted to Mr. West, he had never heard him utter a single 
 word detractory or depreciative of the talents or merits of 
 any one human being whatsoever. Mrs. West, on hear- 
 ing this, replied with somewhat of plair sectarian blunt* 
 aess : — * Go thou and do likewise.' 
 * Disturb not what is quiet.—FuB. 
 
272 L A O O Pf . 
 
 bold and dangerous kind, lias her worshippers, in 
 the very midst of us, yet it is simply and solely 
 because they mistake error for truth. Show them 
 their error, and the same power that would in vain 
 compel them now to abjure it, would then as vainly 
 be exerted in compelling them to adore it. But as 
 nothing is more turbulent and unmanageable than a 
 half enlightened population, it is the duty no less 
 than the interest, of those who have begun to 
 teach the people to reason, to see that they use 
 that reason aright ; for understanding, like happi- 
 ness, is far more generally diffused, than the se- 
 questered scholar would either concede or imagine. 
 I have often observed this in the uneducated, that 
 when another can give them true premises, they 
 will draw tolerably fair conclusions for themselves. 
 But as nothing is more mischievous than a man 
 that is half intoxicated, so nothing is more danger- 
 ous than a mind that is half informed. It is this 
 semi-scientific description of intellect that has 
 organized those bold attacks, made, and still making, 
 upon Christianity. The extent and sale of infidel 
 publications are beyond all example and belief. This 
 intellectual poison* is circulating through the low- 
 
 * Mr. Bellamy, in a very conclusive performance, the 
 Anti-deist does not attempt to parry the weapon, so much 
 as to disarm the hand that wields it : for he does not ex- 
 plain away the objections that have been advanced by the 
 deist, but he labours rather to extirpate them, and to show 
 that they have no other root but misconception or mistake. 
 Mr. Bellamy's endeavours have had for their object the 
 manifestation of the unimpeachaUe character and attri- 
 butes of the great Jehovah, and the inviolable purity of the 
 Hebrew text. Every Christian will wish success to such 
 labours, and every Hebrew scholar will examine if they 
 deserve it. I do not pretend 01 presume to be a competent 
 judge of this most important question ; it is well worthy 
 
LAC ON. 273 
 
 est ramifications of society; for it is presumed 
 that if the root can be rendered rotten, the tower- 
 ing tree must fall. The manufacture is well suited 
 
 the attention of the profoundest Hebrew scholars in the 
 kingdom. T\ie Rabbi Meldolah, whose proficiency in the 
 Hebrew language will give his opinions some weight, ad- 
 mitted, in my presence, one very material point, that Mr. 
 Bellamy had not prevented the signification of the sacred 
 Ketib, or Hebrew text, as far as he was able to decide. 
 Should this author's emendations turn out to be correct, 
 they should be adopted, as no time and no authority can 
 consecrate error. Mr Bellamy has met with patronage in 
 the very highest quarter ; a patronage liberal in every 
 sense of the word ; and as honourable to the patron as to 
 the author. His alterations, I admit, are extremely nu- 
 merous, important and consequential ; but they are sup- 
 ported by a mass of erudition, authority, and argument 
 that does indeed demand our most serious attention ; and 
 many, in common with myself, will lament that they have 
 drank at the stream more freely than at the fountain. Mr. 
 Bellamy contends, that he has not altered the signification 
 of a single word in the original Hebrew text ; and he de- 
 fends this position by various citations from numerous 
 other passages, wherein he maintains that the same word 
 carries the meaning he has given it in his new version, 
 but a meaning very often totally different from that of the 
 version now in use. And it is worthy of remark, that 
 the new signification he would establish, while it rectifies 
 that which was absurd, and reconciles that which was con- 
 tradictory, is borne out by a similar meaning of the seme 
 word in various other passages which he adduces, that are 
 neither absurd nor contradictory. But if we would retain the 
 word that he would alter, and apply it to the passages that he 
 has cited, in the same sense that it carries in the disputed pas- 
 sage in the old version, what will then be the consequence 1 
 All the passages which before were plain and rational, be- 
 come unintelligible : and the passage under consideration, 
 which was before absurd or comradictory, will remain so. 
 The points which Mr. Bellamy chiefly labours to estab- 
 lish are the following : That the original Hebrew text is, 
 at this moment, as pure as at the time of David: that 
 Christ and his apostles invariably quote irom the oiiginal 
 
274 LA CON. 
 
 for the market, and the wares to the wants. These 
 publications are put forth with a degree of flippant 
 vivacity that prevents them from being dull, at the 
 same time that they profess to be didactic, while 
 their grand and all-pervading error, lies too deep tc 
 be detected by superficial observers ; for tl&ey draw 
 somewhat plausible conclusions, from premises that 
 are false, and they have to do with a class of read- 
 ers that concede to them the ' petitio principiij* 
 without even knowing that it has been asked. It 
 
 Hebrew: that the original Septuagint, finished under 
 the patronage of Ptolemy Philadelphus, about three hun- 
 dred and fifty years before Christ, was burnt in the Alex- 
 andrian library: that the spurious Septuagint is a bad 
 translation ; and, therefore, that all translations from it 
 must partake of its imperfections : that the first Chris- 
 tian churches, about one hundred and fifty years after the 
 dispersion of the Jews, had recourse to the Greek transla- 
 tion made by Aquila. In confirmation of these positions, 
 Mr. Bellamy quotes Michaelis, Buxtorf, Lowth, Kenni- 
 cott, Archbishops Newcombe, Seeker, and Usher, all pro- 
 found Hebrew scholars, the latter of whom affirms, in 
 one of his letters, 'that this spurious Septuagint of Aquila 
 continually takes from, adds to, and changes the Hebrew 
 text at pleasure ; that the original Septuagint was lost 
 long ago ; and that what has ever since gone under that 
 name, is a spurious copy, abounding with omissions, addi- 
 tions, and alterations of the Hebrew text.' Mr. Bellamy's 
 very arduous undertaking, has excited the greatest sensa- 
 tion, both at home and abroad, and he must expect that a 
 question involving such high and awful interests, will be 
 most strictly scrutinized. Inasmuch as all Us emenda- 
 tions have for their object the depriving of the champion 
 of infidelity of all just ground of cavil and objection, every 
 Christian will- sincerely wish him success, until it be clear- 
 ly proved by competent Hebrew scholars, that he has 
 touched the ark of God with unhallowed hands, either by 
 misrepresenting the signification, or by violating the puri« 
 ty of the Hebrew text, ' Subjudice lis est. y i 
 * Begging the question —Pub. 
 
 tThe case is before the judgp..— Po* 
 
LACON. 275 
 
 would seem that even the writers themselves, are 
 not always aware of the baseless and hollow ground 
 upon which the foundation of their reasoning rests 
 If indeed their conduct did always arise from igno- 
 rance, rather than from insincerity, we, as Chris- 
 tians, must feel more inclined to persuade than to 
 provoke them, and to hold the torch of truth to their 
 minds rather than the torch of persecution to their 
 bodies. In the nineteenth century, we would not 
 recommend the vindictive and dogmatic spirit of a 
 Calvin, nor the overbearing and violent temper of 
 a Luther, but that charity * which is not easily pro- 
 voked,' shining forth in the mild and accessible 
 demeanour of an Erasmus, that would conceive, 
 in order to conciliate, rather than convict, in order 
 to condemn. It is for those who thrive by the 
 darkness, to hurl their anathemas against the diffu- 
 sion of light ; but wisdom, like a pure and bright 
 conductor, can render harmless the * brutum ful- 
 men f of the Vatican. We hail the march of intel- 
 lect, because we know, that a reason that is culti- 
 vated, is the best support of a worship that is pure. 
 The temple of truth, like the indestructible pillar 
 of Smeaton, is founded on a rock ; it triumphs 
 over the tempest, and enlightens those very billows 
 that impetuously but impotently rush on to over- 
 whelm it. 
 
 — _ • 
 
 Those illustrious men, who like torches, have 
 consumed themselves in order to enlighten others, 
 have often lived unrewarded, and died unlamented. 
 The tongues of afte^imes have done them justice 
 in one sense, but injustice in another. They have 
 honoured them with their pn is e, but they have dis- 
 graced them with their pity. They pity them for- 
 
276 L A C O N . 
 
 sooth, because they missed of present praise, and 
 temporal emolument; things great indeed to the lit- 
 tle, but little to the great. Shall we pity a hero, 
 because, on the day of victory, he had sacrificed a 
 meal 1 And those mighty minds, whom these pig- 
 mies presume to commiserate, but whom they 
 cannot comprehend, were contending for a far 
 nobler prize than any which those who pity them, 
 could either give or withhold. Wisdom was their 
 object, and that object they attained ; she was their 
 ' exceeding great reward? Let us therefore honour 
 such men, if we can, and emulate them, if we 
 dare ; but let us bestow our pity, not on them, but 
 on ourselves, who have neither the merit to deserve 
 renown, nor the magnanimity to despise it. 
 
 To pervert the talents we have improved under 
 the tuition of a party, to the destruction of that 
 very party by whom they were improved, is an 
 offence that generous and noble minds find it 
 almost as difficult to pardon in others, as to commit 
 in themselves. It is true that we are enjoined to 
 forgive our enemies, but I remember no text that 
 enforces a similar conduct with regard to our 
 friends. David, we may remember, exclaimed, 
 that if it had been his enemy who had injured him> 
 he could have borne it, but it was his own familiar 
 friend! * We took? says he, ' sweet counsel together, 
 and walked in the house of God as friends J There- 
 fore, to employ the powers of our mind to injure 
 those to whom we are mainly indebted for the per- 
 fection of those powers, is an act of ingratitude as 
 monstrous as if Patroclus had attacked Achilles, 
 in the very armour in which he had invested him 
 for the destruction of Hector : — 
 
LA CON. 277 
 
 ' Non hos qumstum munus in usus'* 
 
 It is well known that Mr. Burkef on his first debut 
 in life, improved himself not a little, under the ban- 
 ners and the patronage of the opposition ; for 
 which purpose he was a constant frequenter of the 
 various debates and disputations held at the house 
 of one Jeacocke, a baker, but who, notwithstanding 
 his situation in life was gifted with such a vein of 
 eloquence, that he was unanimously constituted 
 perpetual president of the famous disputing society 
 held at Robin Hood, near Temple-bar. On a 
 certain memorable occasion, in the house of com- 
 mons, Mr. Burke exclaiming, ' I quit the camp, 9 
 suddenly left the opposition benches, and going 
 over to the treasury side of the house, thundered a 
 violent philipic against his former friends and 
 associates. Mr. Sheridan concluded a spirited 
 reply to that unlooked-for attack, nearly in the fol- 
 lowing words : — ' That gentleman, to use his own 
 expression, has quitted the camp ; but he will recol- 
 lect that he has quitted as a deserter, and I 
 sincerely hope he will never return as a spy. I 
 for one,' he continued, ' cannot sympathize in the 
 astonishment with which so flagrant an act of 
 apostacy has electrified the house ; for neither T 
 nor that gentleman has forgotten from whom he 
 has borrowed those weapons which he now 
 uses against us. So far, therefore, from being 
 astonished at that gentleman's present tergiversa- 
 tion, I consider it to be not only characteristic, but 
 consistent ; for it is but natural, that he who on 
 
 * Not for this purpose was the gift bestowed. — Pub. 
 
 t Burke was one of the most yplendid specimens of Irish 
 talent ; but his imagination too often ran away with his 
 judgme* t, and his interest with both. 
 24 
 
278 L A C O N . 
 
 his first starting in life, could commit so gross a 
 blunder as to go to the baker's for his eloquence, 
 should conclude such a career, by coming to the 
 house of commons for his bread.'' 
 
 As there are some sermons, that would have 
 been sermons upon every thing, if the preachers 
 had only touched upon religion in their variety, so 
 there are some men, who would know a little of 
 every thing, if they did but know a little of their 
 own profession. And yet these men often succeed 
 in life ; for as they are voluble and fluent, upon 
 subjects that every body understands, the world 
 gives them credit for knowledge in their own pro- 
 fession, although it happens to be the only thing on 
 which they are totally ignorant. Yet, if we choose 
 to be sophistical, we might affirm that it requires 
 more talent to succeed in a profession that we do 
 not understand, than in one that we do ; the plain 
 truth is, that it does not require more talent, but 
 more impudence ; and we have but little reason 
 to pride ourselves upon a success that is indebted 
 much more to the weakness of others, than to any 
 strength of our own. 
 
 Evidence* has often been termed the eye of the 
 
 * I have said that evidence seldom deceives, or is de- 
 ceived. In fact its very etymology would seem to indicate 
 a something clearly perceived and ascertained, through 
 the medium of the senses. And herein evidence, I must re- 
 peat, differs most materially from testimony, which, as it? 
 derivation also clearly shows us, can be nothing more than 
 the deposition of a witness, which deposition may be true 
 or false, according to the will of him who testifies. No 
 man can will that his own mind should receive one impres- 
 sion, while his senses give him another, but any man may 
 will that his tongue should communicate a different im- 
 pression to the senses of others, from that which he has rev 
 
LA CON. 279 
 
 law, and has been too generally considered to be 
 that which regulates the decision of all courts of 
 
 ceived from his own. And hence it happens that a saga- 
 cious and penetrating judge has got a very high kind of 
 moral conviction, more satisfactory, perhaps, and conclusive 
 than the unsupported though positive oatn of any one in* 
 dividual whosoever ; I mean a connected chain of circum- 
 stances, all pointing one way and leading the mind to one 
 object ; a chain by which truth has often been pumped 
 up from her well, notwithstanding all the efforts of testimo- 
 ny, to keep her at the bottom of it. Thus, in the case of Don- 
 nellan, who was executed for poisoning Sir Theodosius 
 Boughton with distilled laurel water, some circumstances 
 were elicited that would have weighed more strongly in 
 the judgment of reflecting minds, than any positive but 
 single affidavit which might have been brought to contra- 
 dict them. A still, that had been recently used, was disco- 
 vered on the premises. Donnellan was so bad a chymist, 
 that on being asked for what purpose he had procured this 
 machine, he replied, that - he had used it to make lime-wa- 
 ter to kill the fleas !' not knowing that lime-water could 
 only be made by saturating w T ater with lime, and that a still, 
 never was, and never can be applied to such a purpose. In 
 his library, there happened to be a single number of the Phi- 
 losophical Transactions, and of this single number the 
 leaves had been cut only in one place, and this place hap- 
 pened to contain an account of the mode of making laurel- 
 water by distillation. The greatest discretion and shrewd- 
 ness is necessary wherever circumstances point one way, 
 and testimony another, since probable falsehood will always 
 he more readily accredited than improbable truth ; and it un- 
 fortunately happens that there are occasions, where the 
 strongest circumstances have misled, as in that famous 
 case of the murdered farmer, recorded by Judge Hale. — 1 
 have heard the late Daines Barrington mention a very ex- 
 traordinary circumstance, of a similar kind that took place, 
 if I remember right, at Oxford, but it was prior even to 
 his time, and I have forgotten the names of the parties. 
 As the story may be new to some of my readers, I shall 
 relate it as nearly as my memory serves. A country gentle- 
 man was travelling from Berkshire, on horseback, to Lon- 
 don ; he had a friend with him and a servant, and they 
 sapped at the inn, and ordered beds for the night. At sup- 
 per, his friend happened to observe to the gentleman, that 
 
280 LACON. 
 
 justice, that are conducted with impartiality. The 
 term evidence, so applied, is a misnomer, since, 
 from the very nature of things, evidence rarely, if 
 
 it would be advisable to start early on the next morning, 
 as it would be dangerous to go over Hounslow heath af- 
 ter sunset he had so much property about him. This con- 
 versation was overheard by the landlord, who assisted the 
 gentleman's servant in waiting at the table. About the 
 middle of the night the gentleman's companion thought he 
 heard a noise in his friend's apartment, but it passed over, 
 and he thought no more of it. Some little time afterwards, 
 he was again disturbed by a similar noise, when he de- 
 termined on entering the apartment. He did so, and the 
 first object he saw, was the landlord with a lantern in his 
 hand, and with a countenance of the greatest consternation, 
 standing over the still bleeding and murdered body of his 
 friend. On a still further search, it appeared that the 
 gentleman had been robbed of all his property, and a knife 
 was discovered on the bed which was proved to be the 
 property of the landlord. He was tried, condemned, and 
 executed, and what was very remarkable, he admitted 
 that he most justly deserved to suffer, although he per- 
 sisted to the last moment in his entire innocence of the 
 crime for which he was condemned. This mysterious 
 affair was not explained until some years afterwards, 
 when the gentleman's servant, on his deathbed, confess- 
 ed that he was the man who had robbed and murdered 
 his master. It would seem that both the landlord and 
 the servant had nearly at the same time made up their 
 minds to commit this dreadful deed, but without commu- 
 nicating their intentions to each other, and that the one 
 had anticipated the other by a few minutes. The conster- 
 nation visible in the countenance of the landlord, his con- 
 fused and embarrassed account of his intrusion into the 
 chamber, and the cause that brought him there at such an 
 hour, were all natural consequences of that alarm pro- 
 duced by finding a fellow-creature, whom he had sallied 
 forth at the dead of the night to destroy, weltering in blood, ' 
 and already murdered to his hands; and the knife had 
 involuntarily dropped from his arm, uplifted to strike, 
 but unstrung as it were, and paralyzed by the terror exc» • 
 led by so unexpected and horrifying a discovery, 
 
LAGON, 2H\ 
 
 ever, either can or does appear in a court of jus- 
 tice. We do not mean to quibble about words. 
 nor to split distinctions where there are no differ- 
 ences. The eye of the law, however, happens 
 unfortunately to be composed of something very 
 different from evidence ; for evidence seldom de- 
 ceives, or is itself deceived. The law is com- 
 pelled to make use of an eye that is far more im- 
 perfect, an eye that sometimes sees too little, and 
 sometimes too much ; this eye is testimony. If a 
 man comes in a court of justice, covered with 
 wounds and bruises, I admit that the whole court 
 has evidence before it, that the man has been 
 beaten and mangled. Evidence is the impression 
 made upon a man's own mind, through his own 
 senses ; but testimony is the impression that he 
 may choose that his tongue should make upon the 
 senses of others ; and here we have a very serious 
 distinction not without a difference. Thus, for 
 instance, if I see A murdered by B, I am satis- 
 fied of that fact, and this is evidence ; but I may 
 think fit to swear that he was murdered by C, and 
 then the court are bound to be satisfied of that fact, 
 and this is testimony. 
 
 There is a spot in Birmingham, where the steam 
 power is concentrated on a very large scale, in 
 order to be let out in small parts and parcels to 
 those who may stand in need of it; and something 
 similar to this may be observed of the power of 
 mind in London. It is concentrated and brought 
 together here into one focus, so as to be at the ser- 
 vice of all who may wish to avail themselves of it. 
 Doctor Johnson was not far from the truth, when 
 he observed, that he could sit in the smoky corner 
 24* 
 
282 L.ACON. 
 
 of Bolt court, and draw a circle round himself, o! 
 one mile in diameter, that should comprise and 
 embrace more energy, ability, and intellect, than 
 could be found in the whole island besides. The 
 circumstance of talent of every kind being so 
 accessible, in consequence of its being so contigu- 
 ous, this it is that designates London as the real 
 university of England. If we wish, indeed, to col- 
 late manuscripts, we may repair to Oxford or to 
 Cambridge, but we must come to London * if we 
 would collate men. 
 
 Men of enterprising and energetic minds, when 
 buried alive in the gloomy walls of a prison, may 
 be considered as called upon to endure a trial that 
 will put all their strength of mind and fortitude to 
 the test, far more than all the hazards, the dilem- 
 mas, and the broils of the camp, the cabinet, or the 
 cabal. I have often considered that the cardinal 
 de Retz was never so great as on one occasion, 
 which occurred at the castle of Yincennes. He 
 was shut up in that fortress by his implacable ene- 
 nry Mazarin;t and on looking out of his grated 
 
 * These observations do not at all interfere with some for- 
 mer remarks on the state of the labouring classes of the 
 community in the metropolis ; but the scientific assortment, 
 is of the highest order, and he that is great in London, will 
 Dot be little any where. 
 
 t This same minister had shut up some other person in 
 the bastile for a few years, owing to a trifling mistake in 
 his name. He was at last turned out with as little ceremony 
 as lie was clapped in. The mistake was explained to him, 
 on his dismissal ; but he received a gentle hint to beware of 
 a very dangerous spirit of curiosity which he had evinced 
 during his confinement. Not being over anxious again to 
 trespass on the hospitalities of the bastile, he ventured to 
 ask what involuntary proof he could have given of this very 
 
 
LACON. 283 
 
 window, to fan the burning fever of hope delayed, 
 he saw some labourers busy in preparing a small 
 plot of ground opposite to his apartment. When 
 the person commissioned to attend him, brought in 
 his breakfast, he ventured to inquire of him what 
 those labourers were about whom he saw from his 
 window; he replied, 'They are preparing the ground 
 for the reception of the seed of some asparagus, a 
 vegetable of which we have heard that your excel- 
 lency is particularly fond.' The cardinal received 
 this appalling intelligence with a smile. 
 
 Some have wondered how it happens that those 
 who have shone so conspicuously at the bar, should 
 have been eclipsed in the senate, and that the 
 giants of Westminster Hall should have been mere 
 pigmies* at St. Stephen's. That a successful foren- 
 sic pleader should be a poor diplomatic orator, 
 is no more to be wondered at, than that a good 
 microscope should make a bad telescope. The 
 mind of the pleader is occupied in scrutinizing 
 minutiae, that of the statesman in grasping magni- 
 
 dangerous spirit of curiosity, in order that he might care- 
 fully avoid such an offence in future ; he was then gravely 
 told" that he had on one occasion made use of these words 
 to an attendant : ' I always thought myself the most insig- 
 nificant fellow upon the face of the earth, and should be 
 most particularly obliged to you if you could inform me by 
 what possible means I ever became of sufficient conse- 
 quence to be shut up in this place.' 
 
 * Such men as Dunning, Sir Samuel Romilly, and Lord 
 Erskine, form splendid exceptions to this general rule, and 
 only serve to show the wonderful ela> ticity of the powers of 
 the human mind. Wedderburn was not always so success- 
 ful in the House as in the Hall ; and ' Ilia se'jaclet hi aida 
 sEolus^l was a quotation not unhappily applied. 
 
 t JEolus may swagger in his hall.— Pub. 
 
284 LA CON, 
 
 tudes — the one deals in particulars, and the othei 
 in generals. The well-defined rights of individuals 
 are the province of the pleader, but the enlarged 
 and undetermined claims of communities are the 
 arena of the statesman. Forensic eloquence may 
 be said to lose in comprehension, what it gains in 
 acuteness, as an eye so formed as to perceive the 
 motion of the hour-hand, would be unable to dis- 
 cover the time of the day. We might also add, 
 that a mind long hackneyed in anatomizing the 
 nice distinctions of words, must be tne less able 
 to grapple with the more extended bearing of 
 things ; and he that regulates most of his conclu- 
 sions by precedent that is past, will be somewhat 
 embarrassed, when he has to do with power that is 
 present. 
 
 It has been urged that it is dangerous to enlighten 
 the lower orders, because it is impossible to enlighten 
 them sufficiently ; and that it is far more easy to 
 give them knowledge enough to make them discon- 
 tented, than wisdom enough to make them resigned ; 
 since a smatterer in philosophy can see the evils of 
 life, but it requires an adept in it to support them. 
 To all such specious reasonings, two incontrover- 
 tible axioms might be opposed, that truth and wis- 
 dom are the firmest friends of virtue, ignorance 
 and falsehood of vice. It will, therefore, be as 
 hazardous as unadvisable, for any rulers of a 
 nation to undertake to enlighten it, unless they 
 themselves are prepared to bring their own exam- 
 ple up to the standard of their own instructions, 
 and to take especial care that their practice shall 
 precede their precepts ; for a people that is enlight- 
 ened, may follow, but they can no longer be led 
 
LACON, 285 
 
 True greatness is that alone which is allowed 
 to be so, by the most great ; and the difficulty of 
 attaining perfection is best understood, only by 
 those who stand nearest themselves unto it. As he 
 that is placed at a great distance from an object, 
 is a bad judge of the relative space that separates 
 other objects, comparatively contiguous, so also 
 those that are a great way off from excellence, are 
 equally liable to be misled, as to the respective 
 advances those who have nearly reached it have 
 made. The combination of research, of deduc- 
 tion, and of design, developing itself at last in the 
 discovery of the safety-lamp for the miner, and 
 muzzling, as it were, in a metallic net, as fine as 
 gossamer, the most powerful and destructive of 
 the elements, was an effort of the mind that can be 
 fully appreciated only by those who are thoroughly 
 aware of the vast difficulty of the end, and of the 
 beautiful simplicity of the means. Sir Humphrey 
 Davy will receive the eternal gratitude of the 
 most ignorant, but the civic crown he has so nobly 
 earned, will be placed upon his head by the admira- 
 tion and the suffrages of the most wise. The truly 
 great, indeed, are few in number, and slow to admit 
 superiority ; but, when once admitted, they do more 
 homage to the greatness that overtops them, even 
 than minds that are inferior and subordinate. In a 
 former publication, I have related that I once went 
 to see an exhibition of a giant : he was particularly 
 tall and well proportioned. I was much interested 
 by a group of children who were brought into the 
 room, and I promised myself much amusement 
 from the effect that the entrance of a giant would 
 produce upon them. But I was disappointed, for 
 this Brobdignag seemed to excite a much less sen- 
 
286 • - L A O j\. 
 
 sation than I had anticipated, in this young coterie 
 of Lilliputians. I took a subsequent opportunity 
 to express my astonishment on this subject to the 
 giant himself, who informed me that he had inva- 
 riably made the same remark, and that children 
 and persons of diminutive stature never expressed 
 half the surprise or gratification on seeing him, that 
 was evinced by those that are tall. The reason of 
 this puzzled me a little, until at last I began to 
 reflect that children \a& persons of small stature 
 are in the constant habit of looking up at others, 
 and therefore it costs them no trouble to look a 
 little higher at a giant ; but those who are compar- 
 atively tall, inasmuch as they are in the constant 
 habit of looking down upon all others, are beyond 
 measure astonished, when they meet one whose 
 very superior stature obliges them to look up ; and 
 so it is with minds, for the truly great meet their 
 equals rarely, their inferiors constantly, but when 
 they meet with a superior, the novelty of such an 
 intellectual phenomenon, serves only to increase 
 its brilliancy, and to give a more ardent adoration 
 to that homage which it commands. 
 
 Nothing is so difficult as the apparent ease of a 
 clear and flowing style; those graces, which from 
 their presumed facility, encourage all to attempt an 
 imitation of them, are usually the most inimitable 
 
 The inhabitants of country towns will re 
 spectively inform you that their own is the most 
 scandalizing little spot in the universe ; the plain 
 fact is, that all country towns are liable to this 
 imputation, but that each individual has seen the 
 most of this spirit, in that particular one in which 
 
LAC ON. 287 
 
 he himself nas most resided; just so it is with 
 historians ; they all descant upon the superlative 
 depravity of their own particular age ; but the 
 plain fact is, that every age has had its depravity ; 
 historians have only heard and read of the de- 
 pravity of other ages, but they have seen and fell 
 that of their own : — 
 
 * Segnius irritant animos demissa per aures, 
 Quam qua sunt oculis subjecta Jidelibus. 1 
 
 There is an idiosyncrasy* in mind, no less than in 
 body, for some individuals have a peculiar constitu- 
 tion both of head and heart, that sets all analogy, 
 and all calculation at defiance. There is an occult 
 disturbing force within them, that designates them 
 as unclassed anomalies and hybrids : they form 
 the \ corps particulier* of exceptions to all general 
 rules, being at times full as unlike to themselves 
 as to others. No maxim, therefore, aphorism, or 
 apothegm, can be so propounded as to suit all 
 descriptions and classes of men ; and the moralist 
 can advance such propositions only as will be 
 found to be generally true, for none are so uni- 
 versally ; those, therefore, that are inclined to cavil, 
 might object to the clearest truisms, for ' all men 
 must die, y or ' all men must be born? are affirmations 
 not wholly without their exceptions. Rochefou- 
 cault has written one maxim, which, in my humble 
 opinion, is worth all the rest that he has given us ; 
 he says that ' hypocrisy is the homage which vice 
 
 * 1 request all candid readers to accept of the above re- 
 flections as a general apology for any apparent deviations 
 from correct remark in this work, until they have fully con- 
 sidered whether my general rule be not right, although, ia 
 Fome caser, the exceptions to it mavbe numerous. 
 
288 LACON. 
 
 pays to virtue ;' but even this fine maxim is not 
 universally true ; on the contrary, its very reverse 
 sometimes has happened ; for there are instances 
 where, to please a profligate superior, men have 
 affected some vices to which they were not in 
 clined, and thus have made their hypocrisy a 
 homage paid by virtue to vice. 
 
 There is no chasm in the operations of nature , 
 the mineral world joins the vegetable, the vegeta- 
 ble the animal, and the animal the intellectual, by 
 mutual but almost imperceptible gradations. The 
 adaptations that each system makes to its neigh- 
 bour are reciprocal, the highest parts of the lower 
 ascending a little out of their order, to fill the 
 receding parts of that which is higher, until the 
 whole universe, like the maps that are made of it 
 for the amusement of children, becomes one well 
 arranged and connected whole, dovetailed as it 
 were, and compacted together, by the advancement 
 of some parts, and the retrocession of others. But 
 although each system appears to be assimilated, 
 yet is each essentially distinct ; producing as their 
 whole, the grand harmony of things. Man is that 
 compound being, created to fill the wide hiatus 
 that must otherwise have remained unoccupied, 
 between the natural world and the spiritual ; and 
 he sympathizes with the one in his death, and will 
 be associated with the other by his resurrection 
 Without another state, it would be utterly impos 
 sible for him to explain the difficulties of this : 
 possessing earth, but destined for heaven, he forms 
 the link between two orders of being, and partakes 
 much of the grossness of the one, and somewhat 
 
LACON. 289 
 
 of the refinement of the other. Reason,* like the 
 magnetic influence imparted to ir^n, gives to matter, 
 properties and powers which it possessed not 
 before, but without extending its bulk, augmenting 
 its weight, or altering its organization ; like that 
 to which I have compared it, it is visible only by 
 its effects, and perceptible only by its operations. 
 Reason, superadded to man, gives him peculiar 
 and characteristic views, responsibilities, and des- 
 tinations, exalting him above all existences that are 
 visible, but which perish, and associating him with 
 those that are invisible, but which remain. Reason 
 is that Homeric and golden chain, descending 
 from the throne of God even unto man, uniting 
 
 * No sound philosopher will confound instinct with rea- 
 son, because an orang outang has used a walking stick, 
 or a trained elephant a lever. Reason imparts powers that 
 are progressive, and that, in many cases, without any 
 assignable limit ; instinct only measures out acuities that 
 arrive at a certain point, and then invariably ? f and still. 
 Five thousand years have added no improvement to the hive 
 of the bee, nor to the house of the beaver ; but look at the 
 habitations and achievements of man ; observe reflection, 
 experience, judgment, at one time enabling the head to save 
 the hand ; at another, dictating a wise and prospective 
 economy, exemplified in the most lavish expenditure of 
 means, but to be paid with the most usurious interest, by 
 the final accomplishment of ends. We might, also, add 
 another distinction peculiar, I conceive, to reason : the de- 
 liberate choice of a small present evil to obtain a greater dis- 
 tant good : he, that on all necessary occasions can act upon 
 this single principle, is as superior to other men, as other 
 men to the brutes. And as the exercise of this principle 
 is the perfection of reason, it happens also, as might have 
 been anticipated, to form the chief task assigned us by re- 
 ligion, and this task is in a great measure accomplished 
 from the moment our lives exhibit a practical assent to one 
 eternal and immutable truth : The necessary and final con- 
 nection between havpiness and virtue , and misery and vice, 
 25 
 
290 LACON. 
 
 heaven with earth, and earth with heaven.— 
 For all is connected and without a chasm ; from 
 an angel to an atom all is proportion, harmony, 
 and strength. But here we stop : — There is an 
 awful gulf, that must be for ever impassable, infi- 
 nite and insurmountable : the distance between the 
 created and the Creator ; and this order of things is 
 as fit as it is necessary ; it enables the Supreme* 
 to exalt without limit, to reward without exhaustion, 
 without a possibility of endangering the safety of 
 his throne by rivalry, or tarnishing its lustre by 
 approximation. 
 
 Time is the most undefinable yet paradoxical of 
 things ; the past is gone, the future is not come, 
 and the present becomes the past, even while we 
 attempt to define it, and like the flash of the light- 
 ning, at once exists and expires. Time is the mea- 
 surer of all things, but is itself immeasurable, and 
 the grand discloser of all things, but is itself undis- 
 closed. Like space, it is incomprehensible, be- 
 cause it has no limits, and it would be still more so, 
 if it had.f It is more obscure in its source than 
 
 * The ancient sculptors and painters always designated 
 their Jupiter with an aspect of placid and tranquil majesty, 
 but with an attitude slightly bending and inclining forwards, 
 as in the act of looking down upon the whole created uni* 
 verse of thirgs. This circumstance, perhaps, suggested to 
 Milton those noble lines : — 
 
 * Now had the Almighty Father, from above, 
 From the bright Empyrean where he sits 
 High thron'd above all height, cast down his eye, 
 His own works, and man's works at once to view/ 
 
 t If we stand in the middle of a dark vista, with a lumi 
 nous object at one end of it, and n one at the other, the formei 
 arill appear to be shcrt, and the latter, bng. And so per- 
 
LACON 291 
 
 tne Nile, and in its termination than the Niger ; and 
 advances like the slowest tide, but retreats like the 
 swiftest torrent. It givas wings of lightning to 
 pleasure, but feet of lead to pain, and lends expec- 
 tation a curb, but enjoyment a spur. It robs beauty 
 of her charms, to bestow them on her picture, and 
 builds a monument to merit, but denies it a house ; 
 it is the transient and deceitful flatterer of false- 
 hood, but the tried and final friend of truth. Time 
 is the most subtile, yet the most insatiable of depre- 
 dators, and by appearing to take nothing, is permit- 
 ted to take all, nor can it be satisfied, until it has 
 
 haps it is with time : if we look back upon time that is past, 
 we naturally fix our attention upon some event, with the 
 circumstances of which we are acquainted, because they 
 have happened, and this is that luminous objeci which ap- 
 parently shortens one end of the vista ; but if we look for- 
 ward into time that is to come, we have no luminous object 
 on which to fix our attention, but all is uncertainty, con- 
 jecture and darkness. As to time without an end, and space 
 without a limit, these are two things that finite beings can- 
 not clearly comprehend. But if we examine more minutely 
 into the operations of our own minds, we shall find that 
 there are two things much more incomprehensible, and 
 these are time that has an end, and space that has a limit. 
 For whatever limits these two things, must be itself unlim- 
 ited, and I am at a loss to conceive where it can exist, but 
 in space and time. But this involves a contradiction, for 
 that which limits, cannot be contained in that which is lim- 
 ited. We know that in the awful name of Jehovah, the 
 Hebrews combined the past, the present, and the future, 
 and St. John is obliged to make use of a periphrasis, by the 
 expressions of Who is, and tvas, and is to come ; and Sir 
 Isaac Newton considers infinity of space on the one hand, 
 and eternity of duration on the other, to be the grand sen- 
 sorium of the Deity: it is, indeed, a sphere that alone is 
 worthy of Him who directs all the movements of nature, 
 and who is determined by his own unalterable perfections, 
 eventually to produce the highest happiness, by the best 
 means: summam felicetatem, ojptxmis modis. 
 
292 LAC ON. 
 
 stolen the world from us, and us from the world. 
 It constantly flies, yet overcomes all things by flight, 
 and although it is the present ally, it will be the 
 future conqueror of death. — Time, the cradle oi 
 hope, but the grave of ambition, is the stern cor- 
 rector of fools, but the salutary counsellor of the 
 wise, bringing all they dread to the one, and all they 
 desire to the other ; but, like Cassandra, it warns 
 us with a voice, that even the sagest discredit too 
 long, and the silliest believe too late. Wisdom 
 walks before it, opportunity with it, and repentance 
 behind it ; he that has made it his friend, will have 
 liitle to fear from his enemies, but he that has made 
 it his enemy, will have little to hope from his 
 friends. 
 
 We are not more ingenious in searching out bad 
 motives for good actions when performed by 
 others, than good motives for bad actions when pei- 
 formed by ourselves.* I have observed elsewhere, 
 
 * In the first volume, I observed, that with respect to the 
 style I proposed to adopt in these pages, I should attempt 
 to make it vary with the subject. I now find that I have 
 succeeded so far at least in this attempt, that some have 
 doubted whether all the articles came from the same pen. 
 I can, however, assure my readers, that whatever faults 
 Lacon may possess belong co me alone, and having said 
 thus much, I believe I shall not have made a very good 
 bargain, by claiming also whatever trifling merits may be 
 found in the book. 'To those, therefore, that are disgusted 
 with the abundance of the one, or dissatisfied from the 
 sagacity of the other, I can only reply }r the words of 
 Euryalus : — 
 
 * Adsum qui feci, in me converlile ferrum. 't 
 
 As to the frequent recurrence of antithesis , I admit that 
 wherever this figure presents itself to my imagination, 1 
 
 \ I who made it am present, tc wards me direct the sword.— Pen. 
 
LACON, 29? 
 
 that no swindler has assumed so many names as 
 self-love, nor is so much ashamed of his own; 
 self-love can gild the most nauseous pill, and can 
 
 never reject it, if the deductions proposed to be drawn from 
 it appear to me to be just. I have consulted authors ancient 
 and modern on this subject, and they seem to be all agreed 
 that the sententious, short, and apothegmatic style, so highly 
 requisite in a book of maxims or aphorisms, is a style, to 
 the force and spirit of which, antithesis is not only particu- 
 larly advantageous, but even absolutely necessary. A 
 maxim, if it be worth any thing, is worth remembering, and 
 nothing is so likely to rivet it on the memory, as antithesis : 
 deprived of this powerful auxiliary, all works of the na- 
 ture of that in which I am engaged, must droop and be dull, 
 If, indeed, I have blundered on some antitheses that lead 
 to false conclusions, I admit that no mercy ought to be 
 shown to these, and I consign them,without benefit of clergy, 
 to the severest sentence of criticism. No candid reader, 1 
 presume, will accuse an author of adopting the antitheti- 
 cal style from laziness, and those who would ask whether 
 it be an easy style of writing, I would say with the celebra- 
 ted painter, ' Try.' That I can abandon antithesis, on sub- 
 jects where it is not required, will, I think, be allowed, by 
 those who have read the notes to Hypocrisy, and my re- 
 marks on Don Juan. But to extirpate antithesis from lit- 
 erature altogether, would be to destroy at one stroke about 
 eight tenths of all the wit, ancient and modern, noiv exist- 
 ing in the world ; and I fancy we shall never have the same 
 excuse for such a measure, that the Dutch had for destroy- 
 ing their spices — the fear of a glut. Dunces, indeed, give 
 antithesis no quarter, and, to say the truth, it gives them 
 none ; if, indeed, it be a faul^, it is one of the very few which 
 such persons may exclaim against with some justice, be- 
 cause they were never yet found capable of committing it. 
 Let any man try to recall to his memory all the pointed, 
 epigrammatic, brief, or severe things which he may have 
 read or heard, either at the senate, the bar, or the stage, 
 and he will see that I have not overrated the share which 
 antithesis will be found to have had in their production. 
 It is a figure capable not only of the greatest wit, but some- 
 times of the greatest beauty or sublimity. Milton, w his 
 moral description of 1: veil, savs that it was a place which 
 ^5* 
 
£94 LACON. 
 
 make the grossest venality, when tinselled over wnn 
 the semblance of gratitude, sit easy on the weakest 
 stomach. There is an anecdote of Sir Robert 
 Walpole so much to my present purpose, that I 
 cannot refrain from relating it, as I conceive that 
 it will be considered apposite by all my readers, and 
 may perhaps be new to some. Sir Robert wished 
 to carry a favourite measure in the house of com- 
 mons. None understood better than this minister, 
 two grand secrets of state — the great power of 
 principal, and the great weakness of principle. A 
 day or two previous to the agitation of the measure 
 alluded to, he chanced upon a country member, who 
 sometimes looked to the weight and value of an 
 argument, rather than to its justice or its truth. 
 Sir Robert took him aside, and rather unceremo- 
 
 God i created evil, for evil only good ; where all life dies, 
 death lives.' That it is capable of the greatest beauty, will 
 be seen by the following translation from an Arabic poet, 
 on the birth of a child : — 
 
 c When born, in tears we saw thee drown'd, 
 While thine assembled friends around 
 
 With smiles their joy confest. 
 So live, that at thy parting hour, 
 They may the flood of sorrow pour, 
 
 And thou in smiles be drest.' 
 
 If these lines will not put my readers in good humoar 
 with antithesis, I must either give them up as incorrigit le, 
 or prescribe to them a regular course of reading discipline, 
 administered by such writers as Herder or Gisborne, re- 
 stricting them, also, most straitiy, irom all such authors 
 as Butler and Swift, where they will be often shocked with 
 such lines as the following : — 
 
 * Tis said that Caesar's horse would stoop, 
 To take his noble rider up ; 
 So Hudibras's, 'tis well known, 
 Would often do to set him dovm* 
 
LACON. 2D5 
 
 niously put a thousand pound bank note into his 
 hand, saying, ' I must have your vote and influence 
 on such a day.' Our Aristides from the country 
 thus replied : ' Sir Robert, you have shown yourself 
 my friend on many occasions, and on points where 
 both my honour and my interest were nearly and 
 dearly concerned ; I am also informed that it was 
 owing to your good offices, that my wife lately met 
 with so distinguished and flattering a reception at 
 court. I should think myself, therefore,' continued 
 he, putting, however, the note very carefully into his 
 own pocket ; ' 1 should think myself, Sir Robert, a 
 perfect monster of ingratitude, if, on this occasion, 
 I refused you my vote and influence.' They parted ; 
 Sir Robert not a little surprised at having discov- 
 ered a new page in the volume of man, and the 
 other scarcely more pleased with the valuable rea- 
 soning of Sir Robert, than with his own specious 
 rhetoric, which had so suddenly metamorphosed 
 an act of the foulest corruption, into one of the sin- 
 cerest gratitude. 
 
 As that gallant can best affect a pretended pas- 
 sion for one woman, w T ho has no true love for an- 
 other, so he that has no real esteem for any # of the 
 virtues, can best assume the appearance of them all 
 
 True friendship is like sound health, the value 
 of it is seldom known until it be lost. 
 
 We are all greater dupes to our own weakness 
 than to the skill of others ; and the successes 
 gained over us by the designing, are usually nothing 
 more than the prey taken from those very snares 
 
2di5 LAC O N . 
 
 we have laid ourselves. One man falls by his am- 
 bition, another by his perfidy, a third by his ava- 
 rice, and a fourth by his lust. What are these but 
 so many nets, watched indeed by the fowler, but 
 woven by the victim 1 
 
 Corruption is like a ball of snow, when once set 
 a rolling, it must increase. It gives momentum to 
 the activity of the knave, but it chills the honest 
 man, and makes him almost weary of his calling ■ 
 and all that corruption attracts, it also retains ; for 
 it is easier not to fall, than only to fall once, and 
 not to yield a single inch, than having yielded, to 
 regain it. 
 
 Works of true merit are seldom very popular in 
 heir own day ; for knowledge is on the march, and 
 men of genius are the prcestolatores or videttes, 
 that are far in advance of their comrades. Tbey 
 are not with them, but before them; not in the 
 camp, but beyond it. The works of Sciolists and 
 Dullards are still more unpopular, but from a differ- 
 ent cause ; and theirs is an unpopularity that will 
 remain, because they are not before the main body, 
 but behind it ; and as it proceeds, every moment 
 increases the distance of those sluggards that are 
 sleeping in the rear, but diminishes the distance of 
 those heroes that have taken post in the van. Who 
 then stands the best chance of that paltry prize, 
 contemporaneous approbation 1 He whose medi 
 ocrity of progress distances not his comrades, and 
 whose equality of merit affords a level on which 
 friendship may be built ; who is not so dull but that 
 he has something to teach, and not so wise as to 
 have nothing to learn ; who is not so far before his 
 
L A C ON. 297 
 
 companions as to be unperceived, nor so far behind 
 them as to be unregarded. 
 
 A town, before it can be plundered and deserted, 
 must first be taken ; and in this particular, Venus 
 has borrowed a law from her consort Mars. A wo- 
 man that wishes to retain her suitor, must keep him 
 in the trenches ; for this is a siege which the be- 
 sieger never raises for want of supplies, since a 
 feast is more fatal to love than a fast, and a surfeit 
 than a starvation. Inanition may cause it to die a 
 slow death, but repletion always destroys it by a 
 sudden one. We should have as many Petrarchs 
 as Antonys, were not Lauras much more scarce 
 than Cleopatras. 
 
 Those orators who give us much noise and 
 many words, but little argument and less wit, and 
 who are most loud when they are the least lucid, 
 should take a lesson from the great volume of Na- 
 ture ; she often gives us the lightning even without 
 the thunder, but never the thunder without the 
 lightning. 
 
 Let us so employ our youth, that the very old 
 age which will deprive us of attention from the 
 eyes of the women, shall enable us to replace what 
 we have lost with something better from the ears 
 of the men. 
 
 The reason why great men meet with so little 
 pity or attachment in adversity, would seem to be 
 this : the friends of a great man were made by 
 his fortunes, his enemies by himself, and revenge is 
 a much more punctual paymaster than gratitude. 
 
298 LAC ON. 
 
 Those whom a great man has marred, rejoice at 
 his ruin, and those whom he has made, look on 
 with indifference ; because, with common minds, 
 the destruction of the creditor is considered as 
 equivalent to the payment of the debt. 
 
 Our achievements and our productions are our 
 intellectual progeny, and he who is engaged in pro- 
 viding that those immortal children of his mind 
 shall inherit fame, is far more nobly occupied than 
 he who is industrious in order that the perishable 
 children of his body should inherit wealth. This 
 reflection will help us to a solution of that question 
 which has been so often and so triumphantly pro- 
 posed : * What has posterity ever done for us V 
 This sophism may be replied to thus : Who is it 
 that proposes the question 1 one of the present 
 generation of that particular moment when it is 
 proposed : but to such it is evident that posterity 
 can exist only in idea. And if it be asked, what 
 the idea of posterity has done for us ? we may 
 safely reply that it has done, and is doing two most 
 important things ; it increases the energy of virtue 
 and diminishes the excesses of vice ; it makes the 
 best of us more good, and the worst of us less bad. 
 
 No improvement that takes place in either of the 
 sexes, can possibly be confined to itself ; each is 
 a universal mirror to each; and the respective 
 refinement of the one, will always be in reciprocal 
 proportion to the polish of the other. 
 
 Those who at the commencement of their career 
 meet with less contemporaneous applause than thf^y 
 
LA CON. 299 
 
 deserve, are not unfrequently recompensed by 
 gaining more than they deserve at the end of it ; 
 and although at the earlier part of their progress, 
 such persons had grounds to fear that they were 
 born to be starved, yet have they often lived long 
 enough to die of a surfeit. This applies not to 
 posterity, which decides without any regard to this 
 inequality. Contemporaries are anxious to redeem 
 a defect of penetration, by a subsequent excess of 
 praise ; but from the very nature of things, it is im- 
 possible for posterity to commit either the one fault 
 or the other. Doctor Johnson is a remarkable 
 instance of the truth of what has been advanced ; 
 he was considered less than he really was, in his 
 morn of life, and greater than he really was, in its 
 meridian. Posterity has calmly placed him where he 
 ought to be — between the two extremes. He was 
 fortunate in having not only the most interesting, but 
 also the most disinterested of biographers, for he is 
 constantly raising his hero at the expense of himself. 
 He now and then proposes some very silly ques- 
 tions to his oracle. He once asked him, ' Pray, 
 doctor, do you think you could make any part of 
 the Rambler better than it is V ' Yes, sir,' said the 
 doctor ; ' I could make the best parts, better.' But 
 posterity, were she to cite the doctor before her, 
 might perhaps propose a more perplexing question, 
 — ' Pray, Doctor, do you think you could make the 
 worst parts, worse V 
 
 The testimony of those who doubt the least, is 
 not unusually that very testimony that ought most 
 to be doubted, 
 
300 LAC ON. 
 
 It is curious that intellectual darkness creates 
 some authors whom physical darkness would de- 
 stroy ; such would be totally silent if they were 
 absolutely blind, and their ability to write would 
 instantly cease with their ability to read. They 
 could neither draw, like Shakspeare, on imagina- 
 tion ; like Bacon, on reflection ; like Ben Jon- 
 son, on memory ; nor like Milton, on "all. These 
 traffickers in literature, are like bankers in one re* 
 spect, and like bakers in another. Like bankers, 
 because they carry on business with a small capi- 
 tal of their own, and a very large one of other 
 men's, and a run would be equally fatal to both. 
 They are like bakers, because while the one manu- 
 factures his bread, and the other his book, neither 
 of them has had any hand in the production of 
 that which forms the staple of his respective com- 
 modity. 
 
 With the offspring of genius, the law of parturi- 
 tion is reversed ; the throes are in the conception, 
 the pleasure in the birth. 
 
 As no roads are so rough as those that have just 
 been mended, so no sinners are so intolerant as 
 those that have just turned saints. 
 
 When dunces call us fools, without proving us 
 to be so, our best retort is to prove them to be fools, 
 without condescending to call them so. 
 
 Pedantry crams our heads with learned lumber, 
 and takes out our brains to make room for it 
 
LACON. 301 
 
 He that pleases himself, without injuring his 
 neighbour, is quite as likely to please half the 
 world, as he who vainly strives to please the whole 
 of it ; he also stands a far better chance of a ma- 
 
 {ority in his favour, since upon all equal divisions, 
 te will be fairly entitled to his own casting vote 
 
 I have often heard it canvassed, how far it would 
 be beneficial that written speeches should be per- 
 mitted to be read in our Houses of Parliament. 
 Madame De Stael, who, in the infancy of the 
 French revolution, saw the consequences of writ- 
 ten speeches developed before her eyes, has, with, 
 her usual discernment, set the question at rest, by 
 deciding in favour of the system which excludes 
 them. In the British Senate, she observes, it is a 
 rule not to read a written speech, it must be spoken, 
 so that the number of persons capable of addres- 
 sing the House with effect, is of necessity very 
 small. ' But,' she adds, * as soon as permission is 
 given to read either what we have written for our- 
 selves, or what others have written for us, men of 
 eminence are no longer the permanent leaders of 
 an assembly, and thus we lose the great advan- 
 tages of a free government, that of giving talenr its 
 place, and consequently, of prompting all men to 
 the improvement of their faculties.' 
 
 Women will pardon any offence rather than a 
 neglect of their charms, and rejected love re-enters 
 the female bosom with a hatred more implacable 
 than that of Coriolanus when he returned to Rome 
 In good truth, we should have many Potiphars, 
 were it not that Josephs are scarce. AH Addison's 
 26 
 
302 LACON. 
 
 addiess and integrity were found necessary to 
 extricate him from a dilemma of this kind. The 
 Marquis Des Vardes fared not so well. Madame 
 the Dutchess of Orleans fell in love with, him, 
 although she knew he was the gallant of Madame 
 Soissons, her most intimate friend. She even 
 made a confidant of Madame Soissons, who not 
 only agreed to give him up, but carried her extrav 
 agance so far as to send for the marquis, and 
 release him, in the presence of Madame, from all 
 his obligations, and to make him formally over to 
 her. The Marquis Des Vardes deeming this to 
 be only an artifice of gallantry to try how faithful 
 he was in his amours, thought it most prudent to 
 declare himself incapable of change, in terms full 
 of respect for Madame, but of passion for the 
 dutchess. His ruin was determined upon from 
 that moment, nor could his fidelity to the one, save 
 him from the effects of that hatred his indifference 
 had excited in the breast of the other. As a poli- 
 ciser, the marquis reasoned badly ; for had he 
 been right in his conclusion, it would have been no 
 difficult matter for him, on the ladies discovering 
 their plot, to have persuaded his first favourite that 
 his heart was not in the thing, and that he had 
 fallen into the snare only from a deference to her 
 commands ; and if he were wrong in his conclu- 
 sion, which was the case, women do not like a man 
 the worse for having many favourites, if he deserts 
 them all for her ; she fancies that she herself has 
 the power of fixing the wanderer ; that other women 
 conquer like the Parthians, but that she herself, 
 like the Romans, cannot only make conquests, but 
 retain them.* 
 
 * It follows upon the same principle, that the converse 
 
L A C ON. 303 
 
 In civil jurisprudence* it too often happens that 
 there is so much law, there is no room for justice, 
 and that the claimant expires of wrong, in the 
 midst of right, as mariners die of thirst, in the 
 midst of water. 
 
 Too high an appreciation of our own talents is 
 the chief cause why experience pieaches to us all 
 in vain. Hence it happens, that both in public and 
 in private life, we so constantly see men playing 
 that very game at which they know that others 
 
 of what has been offered above will also be true, and that 
 women will pardon almost any extravagances in men, 
 if they appear to have been the uncontrollable effects of an 
 inordinate iove and admiration. It is well known from the 
 confession of Catherine herself, that Alexis Orloff, though 
 at that time a common soldier in the guards, had the hardi- 
 esse to make the first advances to the Autocratrix of all the 
 Russias. 
 
 * Grievances of this kind are not likely to be speedily 
 redressed, on many accounts, some of which I have else- 
 where enumerated. This is an esprit du corps amongst 
 lawyers, which is carried to a greater height than in any 
 other profession; its force here is more prominent, because 
 it is more effectual. Lawyers are the only civil delinquents 
 whose judges must of necessity be chosen from themselves. 
 Therefore, the { Quis custodiei ipsos custodes ?'* is a more 
 perplexing question with regard to them, than any other 
 body of men. The fact is, that the whole civil code is 
 now become a most unwieldy machine, without the least 
 chance of being improved, for to those who manage its 
 movements, its value rises in precise proportion to its com- 
 plication, and to them it is most profitable when it performs 
 the least. This machine devours an immensity of paper 
 in the shape of bank notes, and returns to its customers 
 other paper in the shape of legal instruments and docu- 
 ments, from which on examination nothing can be learnt, 
 except that the parties have been regularly ruined accord- 
 ing to law. 
 
 * Who shall guard the guards themselves 1 
 
304 L A G O JN . 
 
 have been ruined ; but they flatter themselves that 
 they shall play it with more skill. The powerful 
 are more deaf to the voice of experience, than their 
 inferiors, from the very circumstances in which 
 they are placed. Power multiplies flatterers, and 
 flatterers multiply our delusions, by hiding us from 
 ourselves. It is on this principle only, that we can 
 account for such a reign as that of the Second 
 Charles, treading so quickly upon that of the First. 
 The former was restored to a throne that might be 
 said to have been built out of the very materials 
 that composed the scaffold of his father ! He con- 
 verted it into an altar of bacchanalians, where he 
 himself officiated as highpriest of the orgies, 
 while every principle of purity and of honour were 
 the costly victims, that bedewed with libations and 
 bedizened with flowers, were led in disgusting 
 splendour to the sacrifice. 
 
 He that would thoroughly accomplish himself 
 for the government of human affairs, should have a 
 wisdom that can look forward into things that are 
 present, and a learning that can look back into 
 things that are past.* But the poring pedant, who 
 will slake his thirst only from antiquity, will find 
 that it abounds with wells so deep, that some of 
 them were not worth the digging, and now so dark 
 
 * Some contend that the moderns have less strength than 
 the ancients, but it would be nearer the truth, to insist tha* 
 the moderns have less weakness ; the muscularity of their 
 minds on some points is not enfeebled by any rickety con- 
 formation on others, and this enables us to ascend the lad- 
 der of science, high enough to be on a level with the wis- 
 dom of our forefathers at some times, and above their errors 
 at all times. 
 
■LACON. 305 
 
 that they are not worth the descending , yet so dry 
 withal, that he will come up more thirsty than he 
 went down, with eyes blinded by the dust of time, 
 and with lips unquenched by the living waters of 
 truth, Wisdom, however, and learning, should go 
 hand in hand, they are so beautifully qualified for 
 mutual assistance. But it is better to have wis- 
 dom without learning, than learning without wis- 
 dom ; just as it is better to be rich without being 
 the possessor of a mine, than to be the possessor 
 of a mine without being rich. 
 
 When we have lost a favourite horse or a dog, 
 we usually endeavour to console ourselves, by the 
 recollection of some bad qualities they happened to 
 possess ; and we are very apt to tranquillize our 
 minds by similar reminiscences, on the death of 
 those friends who have left us nothing. 
 
 When certain persons abuse us, let us ask 
 oarselves what description of characters it is that 
 they admire ; we shall often find this a very con- 
 solatory question. 
 
 Why is it that we so constantly hear men 
 complaining of their memory,* but not of their 
 judgment? is it that they are less ashamed of a 
 short memory, because they have heard that this 
 
 * Of all the faculties of the mind, memory is the first that 
 flourishes, and the first that dies, dnintilian has said . 
 * Quantum memories tantum ingenii;'1 but if this maxim 
 were either true, or belie\ed to be so, all men would be as 
 satisfied with their memory, as they at present are with 
 their judgment. 
 
 t As much of memory, so much of mind. 
 
 26* 
 
306 LACON. 
 
 is a failing of great wits ; or is it because nothing 
 is more common than a fool with a strong memory, 
 nor more rare than a man of sense with a weak 
 judgment 1 
 
 As the mean have a calculating avarice, tha? 
 sometimes inclines them to give, so the magnani 
 mous have a condescending generosity, that some 
 times inclines them to receive. 
 
 Philosophy is to poetry, what old age is to 
 youth ; and the stern truths of philosophy are as 
 fatal to the fictions of the one, as the chilling testi- 
 monies of experience are to the hopes of the other, 
 
 No reformation is so hazardous as that of 
 retrenchment ; it forces the corrupt to give a prac- 
 tical assent to a system which they outwardly extol, 
 but inwardly execrate. Even the bright talent, and 
 still brighter integrity, of M. Neckar,* were not 
 equal to the host of enemies which his inflexible 
 adherence to economy has created around him. 
 ' I was placed,' says he, ' in a situation, where 1 was 
 under the constant necessity of disobliging all those 
 whom I knew, in order to secure the interests of 
 those whom I knew not.' ' Even the ladies at court 
 would demand pensions,' says Madame De Stael, 
 1 with as much confidence as a marshal of France 
 
 * So firm was the confidence reposed in this great man 
 by the whole nation of France, that on his reassumption 
 of office, the French funds ~ose thirty per cent, in one day. 
 Had M. Neckar had plenitude of power, or M. Mirabeau 
 purity of principle, could the former have done what ha 
 would, or the latter what he could, in either case the Fiend 1 
 revolution had been prevent ed. 
 
LAG ON. 307 
 
 would complain of being superseded. ' What.' 
 they would say, ' is three thousand livres to the 
 king V ' Three thousand livres,' replied M. Neckar, 
 ' are the taxation of a village.' 
 
 Self-love, in a well regulated breast, is as the 
 steward of the household, superintending the ex- 
 penditure, and seeing that benevolence herself 
 should be prudential, in order to be permanent, by 
 providing that the reservoir which feeds, should 
 also be fed. 
 
 Some authors write nonsense in a clear style, 
 and others sense in an obscure one ; some can 
 reason without being able to persuade, others can 
 persuade without being able to reason ; some dive 
 so deep that they descend into darkness, and others 
 <soar so high that they give us no light ; and some, 
 in a vain attempt to be cutting and dry, give us 
 only that which is cut and dried. We should 
 labour, therefore, to treat with ease of things that 
 are difficult ; with familiarity of things that are 
 novel ; and with perspicuity, of things that are 
 profound. 
 
 What we conceive to be failings in others, are 
 not unfrequently owing to some deficiencies in 
 ourselves ; thus, plain men think handsome women 
 want passion, and plain women think young men 
 want politeness ; dull writers think all readers 
 devoid of taste, and dull readers think witty writers 
 devoid of brilliancy old men can see nothing to 
 admire in the present days ; and yet former days 
 were not better, but it is they themselves that have 
 become worse. 
 
308 LACON 
 
 A thorough-paced antiquary not only remembers 
 what all other people have thought proper to forget 
 but he also forgets what all other people think v 
 proper to remember. 
 
 ' Speaking,' says Lord Bacon, * makes a ready 
 man, reading a full man, and writing a correct man.' 
 The first position, perhaps, is true ; for those are 
 often the most ready to speak, who have the least 
 to say. Reading will not always make a full man, 
 for the memories of some men are like the buckets 
 of the daughters of Danae, and retain nothing ; 
 others have recollections like the bolters of a mill, 
 that retain the chaff and let the flour escape ; these 
 men will have fulness, but it will be with the draw- 
 back of dulness. Neither will writing always 
 accomplish what his lordship has declared, other 
 wise some of our most voluminous writers would 
 put in their claim for correctness, to whom theii 
 readers would more justly award correction. But 
 if we may be allowed to compare intellectual 
 wealth to current, we may say, that from a man's 
 speaking, we may guess how much ready money 
 he has ; from his reading, what legacies have been 
 left him ; and from his writing, how much he can 
 sit down and draw for, on his banker. 
 
 Drunkenness is the vice of a good constitu- 
 tion, or of a bad memory ; of a constitution so 
 treacherously good, that it never bends until it 
 breaks ; or of a memory that recollects the pleas 
 ures of getting drunk, but forgets the pains of get- 
 ring sober. 
 
LACON. 309 
 
 True goodness is not without that germ of 
 greatness that can bear with patience the mistakes 
 of the ignorant, and the censures of the malignant. 
 The approbation of God is her k exceeding great 
 reward? and she would not debase a thing so 
 precious, by an association with the contaminating 
 plaudits of man. 
 
 Women that are the least bashful, are not 
 unfrequently the most modest : and we are never 
 more deceived than when we would infer any 
 laxity of principle, from that freedom of demeanour, 
 which often arises from a total ignorance of vice. 
 Prudery, on the contrary, is often assumed rather 
 to keep off the suspicion of criminality, than crimi- 
 nality itself, and is resorted to, to defend the fair 
 wearer, not from the whispers of our sex, but of 
 her own ; it is a cumbersome panoply, and, like 
 heavy armour, is seldom worn, except by those 
 who attire themselves for the combat, or who have 
 received a wound. 
 
 What Fontenelle said of cuckoldom, might more 
 truly be said of fame ; it is nothing if you do not 
 know it, and very little if you do. Nor does the 
 similarity end here ; for in both cases, the princi- 
 pals, though first concerned, are usually the very 
 parties that are last informed. 
 
 An ambassador* from Naples, once said of the 
 young ladies of Paris, that they loved with their 
 
 * This same ambassador was no disgrace to his corps, and 
 some of his fraternity would not be the worse for a spice of 
 his penetration. On being asked by a lady, how it happened 
 that the women ha^e so much political influence in France, 
 
3IC LACON. 
 
 heads, and thought with their hearts ; and could 
 the same ambassador now see a certain class of 
 young gentlemen in London, we might as truly say 
 of them, that they did neither, with either 
 
 Good faith is the richest exchequer of princes, 
 for the more it is drawn upon the firmer it is, and 
 its resources increase with its payments. A false- 
 hood from royal lips, is to a nation, what the 
 mistake of a signal is to an army : the word of a 
 king is as a Pharos to the mariner ; to withhold 
 his word is to withhold the light, but to give his 
 word and not to fulfil it, is not only to withhold the 
 true light, but to set up a false one. 
 
 We pity those that have lost their eyes, because 
 they admit their infirmity, are thankful for our 
 assistance, and do not deny us that light which 
 they themselves have lost. It is far otherwise 
 with the blindness of the mind, which, although it 
 be a calamity far more deplorable, seldom obtains 
 that full commiseration it deserves. The reason 
 is, that the mentally blind too often claim to be 
 sharpsighted, and in one respect are so, since they 
 can perceive that in themselves which no one else 
 can discover. Hence, it happens that they are 
 not only indignant at the proffered assistance of 
 the enlightened, but most officiously obtrude their 
 guidance upon them. Inflexibility, alas, is not 
 confined to truth, nor inconstancy to error, and 
 
 but so little in England, he replied: ' The reason is, that 
 men govern in Prance, but in England the laws; the wo- 
 men can influence the men, but they can have nothing to do 
 with the laws, but to obey them.' 
 
LACON. 31 
 
 chose who have the least pretensions to dogmatize, 
 are not always those who have the least inclination 
 to do so. It is upon such lamentable occasions 
 as these, that the scriptural paradox has been 
 carried to a still greater excess of absurdity, when 
 the presumption of those that are blind, would in- 
 sist upon leading those that can see. 
 
 Every man, if he would be candid, and sum 
 up his own case as impartially as he would that 
 of his neighbour, would probably come to this 
 conclusion, that he knows enough of others to be 
 certain that he himself has enemies, and enough 
 of himself to be as certain that he deserves them. 
 We are dissatisfied, not so much with the quantum 
 of the requital, as with the quarter from whence it 
 comes, and are too apt to fancy that our punish- 
 ment is not deserved, because it is not always in- 
 flicted precisely by the proper hand. Inasmuch 
 as the bitter seeds of offence are sometimes sown 
 without producing revenge, their proper harvest, so 
 we also are not to wonder, if at other times the 
 harvest should spring up, even where no seed has 
 been sown. 
 
 Gross and vulgar minds will always pay a 
 higher respect to wealth than to talent ; for wealth, 
 although it be a far less efficient source of power 
 than talent, happens to be far more intelligible. 
 
 Marriage is a feast where the grace is some- 
 times better than the dinner. 
 
 The freest possible scope should be given to all 
 the opinions, discussions, and investigations of the 
 
312 LACON. 
 
 learned ; if frail they will fall, if right they wiE 
 remain ; like steam, they are dangerous only when 
 pent in, restricted, and confined. These discordan- 
 ces in the moral world, like the apparent war of 
 the elements in the natural, are the very means by 
 which wisdom and truth are ultimately established 
 in the one, and peace and harmony in the other. 
 
 Great examples to virtue, or to vice, are not so 
 productive of imitation as might at first sight be 
 supposed. The fact is, there are hundreds that 
 want energy, for one that wants ambition, and sloth 
 has prevented as many vices in some minds, as vir- 
 tues in others. Idleness is the grand Pacific ocean 
 of life, and in that stagnant abyss, the most salutary 
 things produce no good, the most noxious, no evil. 
 Vice, indeed, abstractedly considered, may be, and 
 often is, engendered in idleness, but the moment it 
 becomes efficiently vice, it must quit its cradle and 
 cease to be idle. 
 
 Whether we are fiddlers or philosophers, we are 
 equally puffed up by our acquirements, and equally 
 vain of our art. The fiddler is more ingenuous 
 than the philosopher, since he boldly places his 
 own profession at the head of every other, and, in 
 all the self-complacency of egotism, exclaims ' one 
 God, one Farrinelli.' Perhaps he is right, for in 
 both pursuits the value of the prize often consists 
 solely in the difficulty of attaining it. The philo- 
 sopher, with as much arrogance as the fiddler, has 
 a trifle more of circumspection. Proud of being 
 thought incapable of pride, he labours less to exalt 
 his particular pursuit, than to lower those of his 
 neighbours, and from the flimsiness of their a**»o • 
 
LACON, 313 
 
 Hires, would slyly establish the solidity of his 
 own. He would rather be the master of a hovel 
 amidst ruins, than of a palace, if confronted by 
 piles of equal grandeur and dimensions. Pride is 
 a paradoxical Proteus, eternally diverse, yet ever 
 the same ; for Plato adopted a most magnificent 
 mode of displaying his contempt for magnificence, 
 while neglect would have restored Diogenes to 
 common sense and clean linen, since he would have 
 had no tub, from the moment he had no spectators. 
 ' Thus I trample,' said Diogenes, * on the pride of 
 Plato.' * But,' rejoined Plato, * with greater pride, 
 O Diogenes. 1 
 
 So idle are dull readers, and so industrious are 
 dull authors, that puffed nonsense bids fair to blow 
 unpuffed sense wholly out of the field. 
 
 Contemporaries* appreciate the man rather than 
 the merit; but posterity will regard the merit 
 rather than the man. 
 
 We shall at times chance upon men of profound 
 and recondite acquirements, but whose qualifica- 
 tions, from the incommunicative and inactive habits 
 of their owners, are as utterly useless to others, as 
 though the possessors had them not. A person 
 of this class may be compared to a fine chronome- 
 ter, which has no hands to its dial ; both are con 
 stantly right without correcting any that are wrong, 
 and may be carried round the world without assist- 
 
 * Blair complains of the dearth of good historians in his 
 day; an era that could boast of Hume, Robertson, and 
 Gibbon. 
 
 27 
 
311 LAGON. 
 
 ing one individual, either in making a discovery 
 or taking an observation. 
 
 Tvudi acavTov i know thyself, is a precept which 
 we are informed descended from heaven, a ccelo dcs 
 cendit, yvotfi aeavrov. The same authority has not 
 been bold enough to affirm that it had yet reached 
 the earth ; and from all that we can observe, we 
 might be pardoned for suspecting that this celestial 
 maxim was still on its journey. The mind, like the 
 eye, sees all things rather than itself, and philoso- 
 phers, like travellers, are often far better informed 
 as to what is going on abroad than at home. I 
 blame not those who run to scale the wall of China, 
 or the pyramids of Egypt, the cataracts of the 
 Missouri, or the apex of Chimborazo ; but if they 
 would examine that which far surpasses, not only 
 the artificial wonders of the old world, but the 
 natural wonders of the new, they must return to 
 themselves. 
 
 
 As the mother tongue in which we converse, is 
 the only language we all talk, though few are taught 
 it, so the mother wit by which we act, is the only 
 science we never learn : yet we are all more or less 
 obliged to practise it, although it is never heard of 
 in the schools. The ancient philosophers indec d 
 scrutinized man in all his various bearings and 
 connexions, both as to his individual and social rela- 
 tions, as to his present capabilities and future hopes. 
 Although they have descanted so largely about him 
 yet about him, they have left us little that is satisfac- 
 tory or conclusive, and one short sentence, uttered 
 by a despised and persecuted man, in the streets 
 
LAC ON. 315 
 
 .'if Jerusalem, perhaps, is worth it all. Truth is 
 one, but error multifarious, since there may be a 
 thousand opinions on any subject, but usually one 
 that is right. That these sages of antiquity wan- 
 dered very far from the mark, may be collected 
 from their glaring contradictions, constantly of each 
 r, and often of themst Ives. Like moles they 
 were industrious, and like them they worked in the 
 darjk, fancied themselves very deep, when they 
 were only a few inches beneath the surfax e, threw 
 up a great deal of rubbishy and caused men to 
 stumble and u ip, Nevertheless, I hey had so numer- 
 ous an audience, that the common business of life 
 ran a risk of being neglected for speculations upon 
 it, and it was fortunate that some of these sages 
 not only walked barefoot themselves, but encour- 
 aged their followers to do tin 1 same; lor logic had 
 become far more cheap at Athens than leather, and 
 syllogisms than shoes. Even this state of things 
 had its portion of good ; for he that knew not 
 where to get a dinner, was in the highest state of 
 practical discipline for a declamation on the advan- 
 tages of temperance ; and he that had no house, 
 over his head, might naturally be expected to sur- 
 pass all others in his knowledge of the stars. 
 
 Those who would draw conclusions unfavour- 
 able to Christianity, from the circumstance that 
 many believers have turned skeptics, but few skep- 
 tics, believers, have forgotten the answer of Arce- 
 silaus, to one that asked him why many went from 
 other sects to the Epicureans, but none from the 
 Epicureans to the other sects. ' Because,' said he, 
 1 of men, some are made eunuchs, but of eunuchs 
 never any are made men.' In matters of religion, 
 
316 LACO N 9 
 
 it too often happens that belief goes before exami- 
 nation, and we take our creed from our nurse, but 
 not our conviction. If the intellectual food should 
 afterwards rise upon the stomach, it is because i» 
 this unnatural order of things, the act of swallow- 
 ing has preceded the ceremony of tasting. 
 
 Few things are more destructive of the best in- 
 terest of society, than the prevalent, but mistaken 
 notion, that it requires a vast deal of talent to be a 
 successful knave. This position, while it dimin- 
 ishes that odium which ought to attach to fraud, 
 in the part of those who suffer by it, increases also 
 the temptation to commit it, on the part of those 
 who profit by it ; since there are so many who would 
 rather be written down knaves, than fools. The 
 plain fact is, that to be honest with success, requires 
 far more talent than to be a rogue, and to be honest 
 without success, requires far more magnanimity ; 
 for trick is not dexterity, cunning is not skill, and 
 mystery is not profoundness. The honest man 
 proposes to arrive at a certain point, by one straight 
 and narrow road, that is beset on all sides with 
 obstacles and with impediments. He would rather 
 stand still than proceed by trespassing on the pro- 
 perty of his neighbour, and would rather overcome 
 a difficulty, than avoid it by breaking down a fence. 
 The knave, it is true, proposes to himself the same 
 object, but arrives at it by a very different route. 
 Provided only that he gets on, he is not particular 
 whether he effects it where there is a road, or 
 where there is none ; he trespasses without scru- 
 ple, either on the forbidden ground of private 
 property, or on those by-paths where there is no 
 legal thoroughfare , what he cannot reach ovel 
 
LACON. 317 
 
 ne will overreach, and those obstacles he cannot 
 surmount by climbing, he will undermine by creep- 
 ing, quite regardless of the filth that may stick to 
 him in the scramble. The consequence is, that he 
 frequently overtakes the honest man, and passes 
 oy him with a sneer. What, then shall we say, 
 that the rogue has more talent than the upright ? let 
 us rather say that he has less. Wisdom is nothing 
 more than judgment exercised on the true value of 
 things that are desirable ; but of things in themselves 
 desirable, those are the most so that remain the long- 
 est. Let us therefore mark the end of these things, 
 and we shall come to one conclusion, the flat of 
 the tribunal both of God and of man — that honesty 
 is not only the deepest policy, but the highest wisdom ; 
 since however difficult it may be for integrity to get 
 on, it is a thousand times more difficult for knavery 
 to get off ; and no error is more fatal than that of 
 those who think that virtue has no other reward, 
 because they have heard that she is her own. 
 
 In all civilized communities, there must of neces- 
 sity exist a small portion of society, who are in a 
 great measure independent of public opinion. 
 How then is this seeming advantage balanced 
 in the great account ? These privileged individ- 
 uals, surrounded by parasites, sycophants, and 
 deceivers, too often become the willing victims of 
 self-delusion, flattery, or design. Such persons 
 commence by being their own masters, and finish 
 by being their own slaves, the automata of passion, 
 the Heliogaboli of excess, and the martyrs of dis- 
 ease. Undelighted amidst all delight, and joyless 
 amidst all enjoyment, yet sateless in the very lap 
 of satiety, they eventually receive the full measure 
 27* 
 
318 
 
 LAC ON. 
 
 of the punishment of their folly, their profligacy, 
 or their vice; nay, they often suffer more than 
 other men, not because they are as amenable as 
 their inferiors, but because they go greater lengths. 
 Experience speaks to such in vain, and they sink 
 deeper m the abyss, in precise proportion to the 
 height from which they have plunged. 
 
 It has been said, that we are much deceived 
 when we fancy that ' we can do without the world, 
 and still more so when we presume that the world 
 cannot do without us. Against the truth of the 
 latter part of the proposition, I have nothing to 
 depose ; but to return to the first feature of the pro- 
 position, quoted above, I am inclined to think that 
 we are independent, very much in proportion to the 
 preference we give to intellectual and mental pleas- 
 ures and enjoyments, over those that are sen- 
 sual and corporeal. It is unfortunate, that although 
 affluence cannot give this kind of independence, 
 yet that poverty should have a tendency to with- 
 hold it, not indeed altogether, but in part. For it 
 is not a more unusual sight to see a poor man who 
 thinks, acts, and speaks for himself, than to see a 
 rich man, who performs all these important func- 
 tions at the will of another ; and the only polite 
 phrase I know of, which often means more than it 
 says, is that which has been adopted as the conclu- 
 sion of our epistles ; where for the word servant, 
 might not unfrequently be substituted that of slave. 
 
 It is astonishing how parturescent is evil, and 
 with what incestuous fertility the whole family of 
 vice increase and multiply, by cohabiting amongst 
 themselves. Thus, if kings are tyrannical and 
 
LACON, 319 
 
 oppressive, it is too often because subjects are ser- 
 vile and corrupt ; in proportion to the cowardice 
 of the ruled, is the cruelty of the ruler, and if he 
 governs by threats and by bribes, rather than by 
 justice and by mercy, it is because fear has a 
 stronger influence over the base than love, and 
 gain, more weight with the mercenary, than gratis 
 tude. Thus, the gladiatorial shows of ancient 
 Rome, brought upon the instituters of them, their 
 own punishment ; for cruelty begat cruelty. The 
 tyrant exercised those barbarities on the people, 
 which the people exercised upon the prisoner and 
 the slave ; the physical value of man fell with his 
 moral, and a contempt for the lives of others was 
 bred in all, by a familiarity with blood. 
 
 As we cannot judge of the motion of the earth, 
 by any thing within the earth, but by some radiant 
 and celestial point that is beyond it, so the wicked, 
 by comparing themselves with the wicked, per- 
 ceive not how far they are advanced in their ini- 
 quity ; to know precisely what lengths they have 
 gone, they must fix their attention on some bright 
 and exalted character that is not of them, but 
 above them. ' When all move equally,' says Pas- 
 chal, 'nothing seems to move, as in a vessel under 
 sail ; and when all run by common consent into 
 vice, none appear to do so. He that stops first, 
 views as from a fixed point, the horrible extrava- 
 gance that transports the rest. 
 
 There are two questions, one of which is the 
 most important, and the other the most interesting 
 that can possibly be proposed in language : Are 
 we to live after death? and if we are — in what 
 

 Hi 
 
 !? 
 
 
 320 LACON, 
 
 state ? These are questions confined to no climate, 
 creed, or community ; the savage is as deeply in- 
 terested in them as the sage, and they are of equai 
 import under eyery meridian where there are 
 men. I shall offer some considerations that have 
 been decisive with me, on a subject that migra 
 well warrant a much larger demand than I shal> 
 make on the patience of my readers. Tnose whc 
 agree with me in drawing their hopes of immortal 
 ity from the purest and the highest source, will no'« 
 be offended at an attempt to show, that on this most 
 momentous question, the voice of reason re-echoes 
 back the truths of revelation, and that the calmest 
 assent of philosophy coincides with the firmest con- 
 viction of faith. Many causes are now conspiring 
 to increase the trunk of infidelity, but materialism 
 is the main root of them all. Are we to live after 
 death ? and if we are, in what state ? The second 
 question evidently depends upon the first, for he 
 that feels no conviction as to the certainty of a 
 future life, will not be over-solicitous as to the 
 condition of it ; for to common minds the greatest 
 things are diminished by distance, and they become 
 evanescent, if to that distance be added doubt. 
 Should the doubt of futurity introduce the denial 
 of it, what must then be the result ? All that endears 
 \is to our fellow men, and all that exalts us above 
 hem, will be swallowed up and lost, in the paltri- 
 ness of the present, and the nothingness of now. 
 The interests of society demand that a belief in a 
 future state should be general ; the probability of 
 such a state is confirmed by reason, and its cer- 
 tainty is affirmed by revelation. I shall confine 
 myself altogether to such proofs as philosophy and 
 reason afford, and in so doing, I shall attack neither 
 
 ■ 
 
LACON. 321 
 
 motives nor men. If an argument can be proved 
 to be false in its premises, absurd in its conclu- 
 sions, and calamitous in its consequences, it must 
 fall ; we cannot desire it, because it has nothing to 
 allure, and we cannot believe it, because it has 
 nothing to convince. 
 
 The analogical* method of proof has very lately 
 been resuscitated for the purpose of destroying the 
 immortality of the soul. A bold and fresh attempt 
 has been made to convert analogy into the A os - vh 
 oroi of materialism, by the help of which, as by a 
 lever, the iVrchimedes of skepticism may be ena- 
 
 * Analogy is a powerful weapon, and like all instruments 
 of that kind, is extremely dangerous in unskilful hands. 
 The grounds of probability which this mode of reasoning 
 affords, will be more or less firm in proportion to the length, 
 the frequency, and the constancy, of the recurrence of the 
 phenomena, on which the analogy itself is built. In some 
 cases analogical proof may rise almost to mathematical 
 certainty, as, when from the undeviating experience of the 
 past, we anticipate the future, and affirm that the sun will 
 rise to-morrow. On other occasions, where thephenomenp 
 have occurred at long and broken intervals, and with no 
 regard to dates or periods, the analogical presumption o r 
 their recurrence will mount no higher than the lowest stagr, 
 of probability, and will in no way affect the common con 
 cerns and business of life. It is on this principle that tho 
 inhabitants of Lisbon sleep securely in their beds, withou 1, 
 any very disturbing perplexities on the probabilities of an 
 earthquake. Where the phenomena occur with regularity, 
 as in eclipses, mere distance of time does by no means in • 
 validate f he analogical proof, save and except that in ccn • 
 sequence of the shortness of life, the verification of such 
 phenomena, must be matter of testimony, rather than of 
 experience. So powerful, however, is analogy, that in 
 most disputes it has been courted as an ally by both parties ; ; 
 it has even lent arguments, as Switzerland troops, to both 
 sides, and its artillery has at times by both been over- 
 . charged, until it has reacted upon themselves. 
 
322 
 
 L A C O N . 
 
 bled to overturn, not earth indeed, but heaven! 
 Analogy has in fact supplied the first stone of the 
 foundation, and that alone ; but infidelity has 
 reared the superstructure, with an industry as fer- 
 tile of resource, and we might add, of invention, as 
 that of the children of Israel, who continued to 
 deliver in the tale of bricks, after the materials 
 were denied. As much talent has been displayed 
 in the support of these opinions which I am con 
 tributing my efforts to controvert, and as some of the 
 positions on which the inferences are built, will be 
 conceded, I think it right to commence, by observ- 
 ing, that falsehood is never so successful as when 
 she baits her hook with truth, and that no opinions 
 so fatally mislead us, as those that are not wholly 
 wrong, as no watches so effectually deceive the 
 wearer, as those that are sometimes right. 
 
 The argument I contend against is this : ' The 
 inind] (we are told) ' is infantile with the body, 
 manly in the adult, sick and debilitated by disease, 
 enfeebled in the decline of life, doting in decrepitude, 
 and annihilated by death. Now it so happens, that 
 out of all the positions which make the links of 
 this formidable analogical chain, the first alone is 
 universally true, and disturbed by no exceptions ; 
 the intermediate links are sometimes right, and 
 sometimes wrong, and the last is mere assertion, 
 wholly unsupported by proof. The universal his- 
 tory of man, our own experience, and the testimony 
 of others, are full of instances that clearly prove 
 that the assertions which intervene between the 
 first and the last, are as often false as they are true. 
 And this is more than we want ; for I must beg my 
 readers' attention to this particular circumstance,, 
 namely, that one exception to each of the assertions 
 
L A C O N 323 
 
 advanced above, must necessarily be as fatal to the 
 annihilating clause which is inferred from them, as 
 one million. For if there be any force in that 
 mode of argument which has been termed the 
 reductio ad absurdum, it is evident that a single 
 exception to each of the intermediate assertions, 
 between the first position and the last, forces the 
 materialist upon the monstrous necessity of admit- 
 ting two discrete orders of men, and that there is 
 one law of existence for one description, and a 
 second for another. If we pursue the analogy no 
 farther than history, experience, and observation 
 warrant, and this is the only logical mode of pur- 
 suing it, we are then forced upon the absurdity 
 mentioned above. The only analogical chain which 
 the facts authorize us to form, is as follows : the 
 mind is infantile with the body, it is sometimes 
 manly in the adult, sometimes sick and debilitated 
 by disease, sometimes enfeebled in the decline of 
 life, sometimes doting in decrepitude, and sometimes 
 annihilated by death!! ! 
 
 If the mind be only sometimes annihilated with 
 the body, it must sometimes survive it ; but an 
 argument that would make one class of men mor- 
 tal, and another immortal, by proving too much, 
 proves nothing, and must fall by its own absurdity 
 * Circa Deos negligentur quippe addictus mathe- 
 matical* is an accusation that is not, I fear, con 
 fined in the present day to any particular pursuit , 
 for as there have been some mathematicians so 
 devout as to fancy they have discovered the trinity 
 in a triangle, so there are some anatomists who wil' 
 not believe in the existence of a soul, because they 
 
 * One devoted to mathematics, treat <; the gods slightly. Pub* 
 
I f 
 
 324 
 
 L A C ON. 
 
 
 have never yet been able to transfix it upon tho 
 point of their knife : yet methinks there is one 
 circumstance that ought to lower the dogmatical 
 confidence of the materialist, and this is, that mind 
 happens to be the only thing on whose existence we 
 can by intuition itself rely. We may go on heap- 
 ing proof upon proof, and experiment upon experi- 
 ment, to establish, as we suppose, the reality of 
 matter, and after we have done all this, I know not 
 of one satisfactory answer that we could give, to 
 those who chose to affirm that with all our pains, we 
 have only established the reality, not of matter, 
 but of sensation. We may also doubt about the 
 existence of matter, as learnedly and as long as 
 we please, as some have done before us, and yet 
 we shall not establish the existence of matter by 
 any such dubitations ; but the moment we begin to 
 doubt about the existence of mind, the very act of 
 doubting proves it. 
 
 Another great source of error, in this most im- 
 portant of all questions, is the mistaking of a strong 
 but inexplicable connexion, for an inseparable iden- 
 tity. In the first place, I should humbly conceive 
 that it is quite as unphilosophical to say that a 
 lump of brain thinks, as that an eye sees ; the one, 
 indeed, ministers to thought, as the other to vision ; 
 for the eye, although it be necessary and subser- 
 vient to vision, can, strictly speaking, no more be 
 said to see, than a microscope or a telescope ; it is 
 indeed, a finer instrument than either, but still an 
 instrument, and capable of being assisted by both. 
 This observation would apply, mutatis mutandis, 
 to all of the senses, but I have selected that of 
 vision, as the most icfined. We all know that the 
 two eyes paint two minute and inverted images of 
 
LAC O N . 325 
 
 an object, upon the retina ; having done this, they 
 have done all that is expected of them. What 
 power is it then that rectifies all the errors of this 
 machinery, as to number, position and size, and 
 presents us with one upright object, in its just 
 dimensions and proportions ? All this is certainly 
 not effected by the eyes, for a paralysis of the 
 optic nerve instantly and totally destroys their 
 powers, without in the slightest manner affecting 
 their organization. The optic nerve, then, it seems, 
 and the eye, are both necessary to vision, but are 
 they all that is necessary ? Certainly not ; because 
 if we proceed a little farther, we shall find that 
 certain effects, operating upon the brain, will com- 
 pletely and instantly destroy the powers of vision, 
 the optic nerve and the eye both remaining unal- 
 tered and undisturbed. How then are these ef- 
 fects produced ? are their causes always mechan- 
 ical, as from pressure, or the violence of a blow ? 
 No, they are often morbid, the result of increased 
 action, brought on by inflammation, or of diseased 
 structure, superinduced by abscess. Are there not 
 causes neither morbid nor mechanical, that have 
 been found capable of producing similar effects ? 
 yes — a few sounds acting on the tympanum of the 
 ear, or a few black and small figures scribbled on a 
 piece of white paper, have been known to knock a 
 man down as effectually as a sledge hammer, and 
 -'.o deprive him not only of vision, but even of life. 
 Here then we have instances of mind acting upon 
 matter, and I by no means affirm that matter does 
 not also act upon mind ; for to those who advocate 
 '•he intimate connexion between body and mind, 
 ihese reciprocities of action are easily reconcile* 
 able ; but this will be an insuperable difficulty tn 
 28 
 
326 
 
 L AGON. 
 
 ■ 
 
 iliose who affirm the identity of mind and body 
 which however is not for us, hut for those who 
 maintain this doctrine, to overcome. If mind be 
 indeed so inseparably identified with matter, that 
 the dissolution of the one must necessarily involve 
 the destruction of the other, how comes it to pass 
 that we so often see the body survive the mind in 
 one man, and the mind survive the body in an- 
 other ? Why do they not agree to die together ? 
 How happened it that the body of Swift became 
 for so many years the living tomb of his mind ; 
 and, as in some cases of paralysis, how are w T e to 
 account for the phenomena of the body, reduced to 
 the most deplorable and helpless debility, without 
 any corresponding weakness or hebetation of the 
 mind ? Again, if the mind be indeed not the tenant 
 of the corporeal dwelling, but an absolute and 
 component part of the dwelling itself, where does 
 the mysterious but tangible palladium of this temple 
 reside ? Where are we to go to find it, since, if 
 material, why cannot it be felt, handled, and seen ? 
 She resides, we are informed, in the inmost recesses 
 of her sensorium, the brain ; a mere assertion that 
 can never be proved ; for if she doth indeed 
 enlighten this little citadel, it is with a ray like that 
 of those sepulchral lamps, which, the instant we 
 discover, we destroy. If we return to the evidence 
 of facts, the dissections carried on by Morgagni, 
 Haller, Bonnet, and others, do most thoroughly 
 and irrefutably establish one most important, and to 
 me at least, consoling truth ; that there is no part 
 of the brain, either cortical, or medullary, not even 
 the pineal gland itself, that has not, in one instance 
 or in another, been totally destroyed by disease, but 
 without producing in the patient any corresponding 
 
LACON. 327 
 
 alienation or hallucin ition of mind ; in some cases, 
 without any suspicion of such disease during life, 
 and without any discovery of it, until after death, 
 by dissection. We shall be told, perhaps, that the 
 thinking faculty may be something residing in the 
 very centre of the pineal gland, but so minute as tc 
 survive the destruction even of that in which it is 
 enclosed. The pineal gland does indeed contain a 
 few particles of a schistous or gritty substance, 
 but which, alas, prove little for the argument of 
 him who would designate thought to be nothing 
 more than the result of a more curious and com- 
 plicated organization ; since these particles, on 
 examination, turn out to be nothing more nor less 
 chan phosphate of lime ! 
 
 This intimate union between body and mind, is 
 in fact analogous to all that we see, and feel, and 
 comprehend. Thus we observe that the material 
 stimuli of alcohol, or of opium, act upon the mind 
 through the body, and that the moral stimuli of 
 love, or of anger, act upon the body through the 
 mind ; these are reciprocities of action, that estab- 
 lish the principle of connexion between the two, 
 but are fatal to that of an identity. 
 
 Those who would persuade us that the thinking 
 faculty is an identical part of the body, maturescent 
 in it, and dying with it, impose a very heavy task 
 upon themselves ; and if we consider the insupe- 
 rable difficulties of their creed on the one hand, and 
 the air of conviction with which they defend it on 
 the other, we are perhaps justified in affirming that 
 these men are the very last persons in the universe, 
 to whom the name of skeptic ought to be applied ; 
 but a dogmatic doubter, although it may be a some- 
 thing beyond our philosophy, is too often not 
 
328 
 
 LACON. 
 
 I 
 
 beyond our observation. We, I repeat, contend 
 for a strong but inexplicable connexion between 
 body and mind ; and upon this principle all the 
 sympathies of mutual pleasure and of pain, and all 
 the reciprocities of rest and of action, are both 
 natural and intelligible. Those who advocate the 
 identity of the body and the mind, will find that 
 they have embraced a theory surrounded by facts 
 that oppose it at every point, facts which their sys- 
 tem will neither enable them to explain, nor their 
 experience to deny. Does not every passion of 
 the mind act directly, primarily, and as it were per 
 se, upon the body ; with greater or with lesser 
 influence in proportion to their force ? Does not 
 the activity belong on this occasion to the mind, 
 and the mere passiveness to the body ? Does not 
 the quickened circulation follow the anger, the start 
 the surprise, and the swoon the sorrow ? Do not 
 these instances, and a thousand others, clearly con- 
 vince us that priority of action here belongs to the 
 mind, and not to the body ? and those who deny 
 this are reduced to the ridiculous absurdity of 
 attempting to prove that a man is frightened 
 because he runs away, not that he runs away 
 because he is frightened, and that the motion pro- 
 duces the terror, not the terror the motion ; a kind 
 of logic this, that would become a FalstafT much 
 better than a philosopher. Again, is not mania * 
 
 * I shall insert a note from Dr. John Armstrong on Fe- 
 ver, p. 478, which those who only look at will think too 
 long, but those who read will think too short. 
 
 1 It will have been perceived, that I consider insanity as 
 the effect of some disorder in the circulation, whether pro- 
 duced by agencies of a corporeal or mental nature. It 
 might be shown by familiar facts, that the brain is the prin- 
 cipal organ through which the operations of the mind ard 
 
 l 
 
LACON. 32* 
 
 produced by moral causes, quite as often as by phy- 
 sical, and has not that mode of cure succeeded 
 best, which was instituted with a reference to this 
 
 performed ; and it does not, as many have supposed, neces- 
 sarily involve the doctrine of materialism to affirm, that 
 certain disorders of that organ are capable of disturbing 
 those operations. If the most skilful musician in the world 
 were placed before an unstrung or broken instrument, he 
 could not produce the harmony which he was accustomed 
 to do when that instrument was perfect, nay, on the con- 
 trary, the sounds would be discordant ■ and yet it would be 
 manifestly most illogical to conclude, from such an effect, 
 that the powers of the musician were impaired, since they 
 merely appeared to be so from the imperfection of the instru- 
 ment. Now, what the instrument is to the musician, the 
 brain may be to the mind, for aught we know to the con- 
 trary, and, to pursue the figure, as the musician has an 
 existence distinct from that of the instrument, so the mind 
 may have an existence distinct from that of the brain; for 
 in truth we have no proof whatever of mind being a pro- 
 perty dependant upon any arrangement of matter. We 
 perceive, indeed, the properties of matter wonderfully 
 modified in the various things of the universe, which strike 
 our senses with the force of their sublimity or beauty ; but 
 in all these we recognise certain radical and common pro- 
 perties, that bear no conceivable relation to those mysteri- 
 ous capacities of thought and of feeling, referable to that 
 something which, to designate and distinguish from mat- 
 ter, we term mind. In this way, I conceive the common 
 sense of mankind has made the distinction which every 
 where obtains between mind and matter, for it is natural 
 to conclude, that the essence of mind may be distinct from 
 the essence of matter, as the operations of the one are so 
 distinct from the properties of the other. When we say 
 that mind is immaterial, we only mean that it has not the 
 properties of matter ; for the consciousness which informs 
 us of the operations, does not reveal the abstract nature of 
 mind, neither do the properties reveal the essence of mat- 
 ter. When any one, therefore, asserts the materiality of 
 mind, he pre-supposes, that the phenomena of matter clear 
 iy show the real cause of mind, which, as they do not, he 
 unphilosophically places his argument on an assumption • 
 28* 
 
330 
 
 LACON, 
 
 cause ? On examination, after death, of those who 
 have laboured under chronic mania, it most usually 
 happens that no difference of structure is percepti- 
 ble in the brain on dissection. If, however, in 
 some few instances there has been .a perceptible 
 difference, will not a retrospection to the mental 
 origin of the malady, justly warrant us in asserting 
 that the derangement of structure was not the cause, 
 but is the consequence of the disease ? That so 
 many instances should occur where no such differ- 
 ence of structure is perceptible, is anaWous to 
 what so often happens in other disorders, where a 
 total functional derangement is unaccompanied by 
 the slightest organic destruction. 
 
 It is admitted that each and every component 
 particle of the body is changed in the course of 
 twenty years, and that corporeal identity is by 
 these means so totally destroyed, that a man who 
 lives to sixty shall have gradually received three 
 distinct bodies, the last of which shall not contain 
 one individual atom that composed the first. But 
 those who would persuade us that mind is an abso- 
 lute and component part of the body, so completely 
 ingrafted as it were and incorporated with it, that 
 the thinking faculty is only the result of a more 
 curious and complicated organization, must admit, 
 that the mind must sympathize not partially, but 
 wholly with these changes of the body ; changes 
 so powerful, that they must effect the total destruc- 
 tion of moral identity, as they certainly do of that 
 
 and his ground of reasoning is equally gratuitous — when 
 he contends, that mind is an attribute of matter, because it 
 is never known to operate but in conjunction with matter, 
 for though this connexion is constantly displayed, yet v/c 
 have no direct proof of its being necessary. 
 
LA CON. 331 
 
 which is corporeal. The materialist must admit 
 this absurdity, as his only means of escaping a 
 greater, namely, that a whole shall not be altered, 
 notwithstanding a total change of all the parts that 
 composed it. If indeed the materialist is inclined 
 to admit that these changes do alter the body, but 
 not the mind, then indeed he admits that which is 
 true ; but truth itself may be bought too dear, in 
 the opinion of some, if the confession of their 
 defeat be the price ; the admission alluded to 
 above, is in fact all the confession for which we 
 contend, namely, that body and mind, although 
 they are united, are also distinct. In a former 
 part of this argument, I have admitted that the 
 proposition that the mind is infantile with the body, 
 is a general rule disturbed by no exceptions. But 
 this truism, I presume, will perform but little, either 
 for the materialist, or against him, because the 
 terms are convertible. The mind is infantile with 
 the body, says the materialist ; but has not the 
 immaterialist quite as much reason on his side, 
 should he feel inclined to assert that the body is 
 infantile with the mind ? Observe, we do not con- 
 tend that the mind has no beginning, but that it 
 shall have no end, and it appears that the body is 
 appointed to be the first stage of its existence. 
 Therefore I should rather affirm that the body is 
 infantile with the mind, than that the mind is infan- 
 tile with the body, and that a fuller and stronger 
 demonstration of all the powers and faculties of 
 the mind evinces itself in proportion as a more 
 matured development of the organs of the body 
 enable? it passively to receive the impressions, and 
 actively to execute the sovereign volitions of tho 
 
332 
 
 LACON. 
 
 
 mind. In confirmation of this mode of considering 
 the subject, we may observe that children often 
 have a tolerable idea of the thing desired or feared, 
 long before they are able to express the term by 
 which it is described. The mind precedes the 
 tongue ; and the effort and wish to speak evinces 
 itself much earlier than the power to do so. The 
 distinguishing and endearing characteristics of 
 mother are sufficiently understood by the infant, 
 long before it can call her by name ; and the 
 infantile mind is not without a thousand modes 
 of expressing its feelings, long before the lagging 
 organs of the body are sufficiently developed to 
 accomplish the articulation of them. 
 
 If mind be material, it must be both extended 
 and divisible, for these are properties inseparable 
 from matter. The absurdity of such a supposition 
 startled even the boldest of skeptics, because he 
 happened also to be the most acute ; I shall there- 
 fore quote a passage from Mr. Hume, who will be 
 allowed by materialists, at least, to be an orthodox 
 authority. 'There is one argument, (says he,) 
 commonly employed for the immateriality of the 
 soul, which seems to be remarkable : whatever is 
 extended, consists of parts, and whatever consists 
 of parts, is divisible, if not in reality, at least in the 
 imagination. It is impossible any thing divisible 
 can be conjoined to a thought or a perception, 
 which is a being altogether inseparable and indi- 
 visible. For, supposing such a conjunction, would 
 the indivisible thought exist on the left hand, or on 
 the right of this extended divisible body ; on the 
 surface, or in the middle, on the back or foreside 
 of it I If it be conjoined with the extension, it 
 must exist somewhere wilhin its dimensions. If it 
 
• LACO N. 333 
 
 exist within its dimensions, it must either exist in 
 one particular part, and then that particular part is 
 indivisible, and the perception is conjoined only 
 with it, not with the extension ; or if the thought 
 exists in every part, it must also be extended, and 
 separable, and divisible, as well as the body ; which 
 is utterly absurd and contradictory. For can any 
 one conceive a passion of a yard in length, a foot 
 in breadth, and an inch in thickness ? Thought, 
 therefore, and extension, are qualities wholly incom- 
 patible, and can never incorporate together into 
 one subject.' Mr. Hume seems to have been so 
 fully convinced by the positions which this argu- 
 ment contains, that he has laboured to push its 
 conclusions even up to the establishment of that 
 celebrated paradox so formally laid down, and so 
 stoutly defended by him. ' This maxim (to use 
 again his own words) is, that an object may exist, 
 and yet be nowhere, and I assert (says he) that 
 this is not only possible, but that the greatest part 
 of beings (by which he afterwards gives us to 
 understand he means impressions and ideas) do 
 and must exist after this manner. A moral reflec- 
 tion (says he) cannot be placed either on the right 
 or on the left hand of a passion, nor can a smell or 
 a sound be either of a circular or square figure. 
 These objects and perceptions, so far from requiring 
 any particular places, are absolutely incompatible 
 with it, and the imagination cannot attribute it to 
 them.' 
 
 These passages prove that materialists will some- 
 times find Mr. Hume to be a very dangerous ally. 
 Again, all mind is conscious of its own existence ; 
 but if mind be material, matter must be conscious 
 of its own existence too ; for this consciousness is 
 
334 
 
 LACON 
 
 inseparable from mind, and if mind be composed 
 of matter, that which is inseparable from the one, 
 cannot be denied to the other. These are some 
 of the absurdities which the capacious credulity of 
 infidelity, and the bold belief of u/ibeliecers, will rind 
 it more easy to swallow than *to digest. It has 
 been urged by some, that a total, though temporal 
 suspension of the thinking faculty takes place 
 during sleep, and that a. faculty that may be 
 suspended, may also be destroyed. It is evident 
 that this again must be mere assertion that can 
 never be proved ; on the contrary, dreams go to 
 prove that there are seasons when the thinking 
 faculty is not suspended by sleep ; but since it is 
 manifest that sleep cannot suspend it at all times, 
 it may not suspend it at any time. We have 
 recollections of mental operations going on during 
 sleep, which recollections are extremely vivid on 
 some occasions, and on some occasions equally 
 faint and confused. These recollections vary from 
 reality, almost down to nothingness, and these 
 recollections we term a dream. These operations 
 of the thinking faculty may, for aught we know to 
 the contrary, have been going on during sleep, 
 unaccompanied by any after recollection of them 
 when awake ; and the gradations of distinctness 
 with which we recollect our dreams, are confirm- 
 atory of such an hypothesis. I conceive analogy 
 will also assist us here ; for I would ask one simple 
 question with respect to our waking thoughts : 
 have we not all forgot more of them than we 
 remember ! and yet none of us, 1 presume, are 
 prepared to deny the existence o( these thoughts 
 on such a ground. To those who prefer a shorter 
 nethod of putting the argument, I would say that 
 
LACON. 335 
 
 our apprehension of the operation of thought is not 
 necessary to the existence of it ; but that its 
 existence is absolutely necessary to our apprehen 
 sion of it. 
 
 If mind be, indeed, material, what has death to 
 do with the annihilation of it 1 for death has no 
 no such power over matter. We are told that ' the 
 thinking faculty is nothing more than the result of a 
 more curious and complicated organization? Yet 
 what is this, but an attempt to illustrate that which 
 is obscure, by an explanation which is more so ? 
 Can we, for one moment, believe that a mere juxta 
 position of parts is able to convey the highest 
 activity and energy to that whose very essence it 
 is, to be, on all other occasions, of all created 
 things, the most inactive and inert 1 If we request 
 the materialist to explain this kind of hocus pocus, 
 I suspect he can only do it by repeating hoc est 
 corpus, the well-known etymology of the term. In 
 a former part of this article I have quoted a 
 passage from Mr. Hume. The passage occurs in 
 a work which he afterwards apologized for, and 
 requested that the public would not consider it as 
 containing his more matured philosophical opinions. 
 He imbodied, however, a great part of this work 
 afterwards into his essays, against which he enters 
 no such caveat ; and it is known that he himself 
 considered these essays his master-piece, and in 
 them the positions contained in the article I have 
 quoted, are repeatedly referred to, and confirmed. 
 In these essays, the following passage occurs : ' Is 
 there any principle in all nature more mysterious 
 than the union of soul with body : by which a sup 
 posed spiritual substance acquires such an influ- 
 ence over a material one, that the most refined 
 
336 
 
 LAC ON. 
 
 thought is able to actuate the grossest matter* 
 were we empowered by a secret wish, to remove 
 mountains, or control the planets in their orbit, 
 this extensive authority would not be more extra- 
 ordinary, nor more beyond our apprehension.' How 
 unfortunate was Mr. Hume that he did not live in 
 this enlightened age; when he might have been 
 informed that this most inexplicable phenomenon 
 was, after all, the result of the most simple contri- 
 vance, arising from nothing more nor less than a 
 very slight alteration in the juxtaposition of a few 
 particles of matter ! for the thinking faculty (we 
 hear) is only the result of a more curious and com- 
 plicated organization ! Nature, then, it would seem, 
 no less than art, has her cups, and her balls, and a 
 small portion of matter thrown into the inside of a 
 little globe of bone, acquires properties and powers 
 diametrically opposite to all those, which on the 
 outside of it, it has been ascertained invariably to 
 possess. Neither does that gulf of insurmountable 
 ignorance, under which we labour, as to the nature 
 of this mysterious union of body and mind, invali- 
 date in the slighest degree the proofs of its 
 existence ; for no one, I presume, will be hardy 
 enough to deny the existence of life ; and yet the 
 union of life with body is quite as inexplicable as 
 the union of mind, superadded to both. Let us, 
 then, be as candid in the one case, as in the other, 
 and apply the same reasoning to mind, that we 
 have all consented to, with regard to life. Let us 
 affirm of both of them, that we know nothing of 
 either, but by their effects, which effects, however, 
 do most fully and firmly establish their existence. 
 
 If that marvellous microcosm, man, with all the 
 costly cargo of his faculties and powers, were 
 
LACON. 337 
 
 indeed a rich Argosy, fitted out and freighted only 
 tor shipwreck and destruction, who amongst us that 
 tolerate the present, only from the hope of the 
 future , who that have any aspirings of a high and 
 intellectual nature about them, could be brought to 
 submit to the disgusting mortifications of the 
 voyage ? As to the common and the sensual herd 
 who would be glad, perhaps, under any terms, to 
 sweat and groan beneath the load of life, they would 
 find that the creed of the materialist, would only 
 give a fuller swing to the suicidal energies of a self- 
 ism as unprincipled as unrelenting ; a selfism that 
 would not only make that giftless gift of life a 
 boon the most difficult to preserve, but would at the 
 same time render it wholly unworthy of the task 
 and the trouble of its preservation. Knowledge 
 herself, the fairest daughter of heaven, would be 
 immediately transformed into a changeling of hell : 
 the brightest reason would be the blackest curse! 
 and weakness more salutary than strength; for the 
 villany of man would increase with the depravity of 
 his will, and the depravity of his will, with every au ff - 
 mentation of his power. The force of intellect im- 
 parted to that which was corrupt, would be like the 
 destructive energies communicated by an earth- 
 quake, to that which is inert ; where even things in- 
 animate, as rocks and mountains, seem endowed 
 with a momentary impulse of motion and of life 
 only to overwhelm, to destroy, and to be destroyed! 
 Justice is usually depicted as having no eyes," but 
 holding a sword in one hand, and a pair of seales 
 in the other.* Under a system that destroyed the 
 
 he* lln^W > imp °, rtan< l e 0f the abovo article m « st «cuse 
 vfew * t U'' an ^ 1° Sh ? w that Z am not sia S ul *r in my 
 vit w of its scope and bearmgs, I shall finish by a quotation 
 
 29 
 
338 
 
 LACON. 
 
 awful obligations of an oath, what could justice 
 weigh 1 she must renounce her scales, and apply 
 both her hands to the sword ; and it would be a 
 
 from a work just published, which has many readers, and 
 will certainly have more : ' There is another more impor- 
 tant relation in which the mind is still to be viewed — that re- 
 lation which connects it with the Almighty Being to whom 
 it owes its existence. Is man , whose frail generations be- 
 gin and pass away, but one of the links of an infinite chain 
 of beings like himself, uncaused, and coeternal with that 
 self-existing world of which he is the feeble tenant 1 or is 
 he the offspring of an all-creating Power, that adapted him 
 to nature and nature to him, formed, together with the mag- 
 nificent scene of things around him, to enjoy its blessings, 
 and to adore, with the gratitude of happiness, the wisdom 
 and goodness from which they flow 7 What attributes of 
 a Being so transcendent, may human reason presume to 
 explore 1 and what homage will be most suitable to his 
 immensity and our nothingness 1 Is it only for an existence 
 of a few moments in this passing scene, that he has formed 
 us ? or, is there something within us, over which death has 
 no power, — something, that prolongs and identifies the 
 consciousness of all that we ha ye done on earth, and that, 
 after the mortality of the body, may yet be a subject of the 
 moral government of God 1 When compared with these 
 questions, even the sublimest physical inquiries are com- 
 paratively insignificant. They seem to differ, as it has been 
 said, in their relative importance and dignity, almost as 
 philosophy itself differs from the mechanical arts that are 
 subservient to it. ' Quantum inter philosophiam interest, — 
 $t coeteras artes; tantum interesse existimo in ipsaphilosophia i 
 inter illam partem quce ad hominis et hanc quce ad Deos spec- 
 tat. Altiorest hcec et animosior : multum permisit sibi; non 
 fuit oculis contenta. Majus esse quiddam suspicata est, ac 
 pulchrius, quod extra conspcctum natura posuisset.'* It is 
 when ascending to these sublimer objects, that the mind 
 seems to expand, as if already shaking ofl its earthly fetters, 
 and returning to its source : and it is scarcely too much to 
 
 * So much is in philosophy and other arts, as I think to be in that 
 philosophy which on the one part regards men, and on the other the 
 gods — this latter is more lofty and energetic — it intrusts much to itself 
 — not satisfied with the eyes— it suspects that to be greater and mora 
 oe*utiful which, nature might have placed out of sight. 
 
LACON. 339 
 
 bloody sword, strong, indeed, to exterminate, but 
 feeble to correct. As to justice herself, she would 
 not only be more blind than Polyphemus, but she 
 would also want more hands than Briareus, to en- 
 able her to combat the hydra-headed monster of 
 crime ! 
 
 There are some characters who appear to super- 
 ficial observers to be full of contradiction, change, 
 and inconsistency, and yet they that are in the 
 secret of w T hat such persons are driving at, know 
 that they are the very reverse of what they appear 
 to be, and that they have one single object in view, 
 to which they as pertinaciously adhere, through 
 every circumstance of change, as the hound to the 
 hare, through all her mazes and doublings. We 
 know that a windmill is eternally at work to accom- 
 plish one end, although it shifts with every varia- 
 tion of the weathercock, and assumes ten different 
 positions in a day. 
 
 There is nothing that requires so strict an econ- 
 omy as our benevolence. We should husband 
 our means as the agriculturist his manure, which 
 if he spread over too large a superficies, produces 
 no crop, if over too small a surface, exuberates in 
 rankness and in weeds. 
 
 The women are satisfied with less than the men ; 
 and yet, notwithstanding this, they are less easily 
 
 say, that the delight which it thus takes in things divine is 
 an internal evidence of its own divinity. ' Cum ilia tetigit, 
 alilur, crescit : ac velut vinculis liberatus, in origine.m re- 
 dit. Et hoc habet argumentum divinitatis sua, quod illam 
 divina dciectant.'* 
 
 * When she moves forwaid cherished, she increases — and this i? 
 an argument of her divinity that divine things please her. 
 
340 
 
 L A C ON. 
 
 satisfied. In the first place — preference and pre - 
 cedence are indispensable articles with them, if 
 we would have our favours graciously received ; 
 they look, moreover, to the mode, the manner, and 
 the address, rather than to the value of the obliga- 
 tion, and estimate it more by the time, the cost, and 
 the trouble we may have expended upon it, than by 
 its intrinsic worth. Attention is ever current coin 
 with the ladies, and they weigh the heart much 
 more scrupulously than the hand. A wealthy suiter 
 purchases a watch for his idol, studded with gems ; 
 an artificer makes a far less costly one for his 
 favourite, and I need not add which will be most 
 propitiously received, since there will be one person 
 at least in the world, who will be certain that 
 during the whole process of the fabrication of the 
 present, the donor was thinking of her for whom 
 it was designed. 
 
 Pride differs in many things from vanity, and by 
 gradations that never blend, although they may be 
 somewhat indistinguishable. Pride may, perhaps, 
 be termed a too high opinion of ourselves, founded 
 on the overrating of certain qualities that we do 
 actually possess; whereas vanity is more easily 
 satisfied, and can extract a feeling of self-compla- 
 cency, from qualifications that are imaginary. 
 Vanity can also feed upon externals, but pride must 
 have more or less of that which is intrinsic : the 
 proud, therefore, do not set so high a value upon 
 wealth as the vain, neither are they so much 
 depressed by poverty. Vanity looks to the many, 
 and to the moment ; pride to the future, and the 
 few ; hence pride has more difficulties, and vanity 
 more disappointments ; neither does she bear them 
 
LA CON. 34 i 
 
 so well, for she at times distrusts herself, whereas 
 pride despises others. For the vain man cannot 
 always be certain of the validity of his pretensions, 
 because they are often as empty as that very vanity 
 that has created them ; therefore it is necessary for 
 his happiness, that they should be confirmed by the 
 opinion of his neighbours, and his own vote in 
 favour of himself he thinks of little weight, until it 
 be backed by the suffrages of others. The vain 
 man idolizes his own person, and here he is wrong; 
 but he cannot bear his own company, and here he 
 is right. The proud man wants no such confirma- 
 tions ; his pretensions may be small, but they are 
 something, and his error lies in overrating them 
 If others appreciate his merits less highly, he attri 
 butes it either to their envy, or to their ignorance 
 and enjoys in prospect the period when time shall 
 have removed the film from their eyes. Therefore 
 the proud man can afford to wait, because he has no 
 doubt of the strength of his capital, and can also 
 live, by anticipation, on that fame which he has per 
 suaded himself that he deserves. He often draws 
 indeed too largely upon posterity, but even here he 
 is safe ; for should the bills be dishonoured, this 
 cannot happen until that debt, which cancels all 
 others, shall have been paid. 
 
 Few things are more agreeable to self-love than 
 revenge, and yet no cause so effectually restrains 
 us from revenge, as self-love. And this paradox 
 naturally suggests another — that the strength ot 
 the community is not unfrequently built upon the 
 weakness of those individuals that compose it ; a 
 position not quite so clear as the first, but, I con- 
 ceive, equally tenable and true We receive an 
 29* 
 
342 
 
 LAGOiN. 
 
 injury, and we are so constituted that the first co v 
 sideration with most of us is revenge. If we 
 happen, to be kings, or prime ministers, we go 
 straight forward to work, unless indeed it should 
 happen, that those that have inflicted the injury 
 are as powerful as those that have received it. 
 It is fortunate, however, for the interests of soci* 
 ety, that the great mass of mankind are neither 
 kings, nor prime ministers, and that men are so 
 impotent that they can seldom bring evil upon 
 others, without more or less danger to themselves. 
 Tnus then it is that public strength, security, and 
 confidence, grow out of private weakness, danger 
 and fear. These considerations have given rise to 
 this saying: ' It is letter to quarrel with a knave 
 than vnih a fool ;' for with the latter all considera- 
 tion of consequence to himself, is swallowed up 
 and lost in the blind and brutal impulse that goads 
 him on to bring evil upon another. We hate our 
 enemy much, but we love ourselves more. We 
 have been injured, but we will not avail ourselves 
 of the legal means of redress, because of the cer- 
 tain expense and trouble, and the uncertain sue 
 cess ; r either will we resort to illegal modes oi 
 retaliation, because we will not run the risk of the 
 mortification, the disgrace, and the danger of a dis- 
 covery ; for it is as difficult for revenge to act 
 without exciting suspicion, as for a rattlesnake to 
 stir without making a noise. The result is, that 
 we are quiet, and self-love is made to correct its 
 own violence, as a steam-engine its own velocity, 
 and the fear of danger effects for the one, what 
 the safety-valve accomplishes for the other. And 
 it is highly necessary that things should be so, for 
 retaliation aggravates resentment, and resentment 
 
LAC ON. 343 
 
 produces fresh retaliation ; therefore, were ther-e 
 nothing to restrain these causes from acting reci- 
 procally upon each other, the destruction of alJ 
 society must be the consequence, and a conflagra- 
 tion would be excited in the moral world, like that 
 which is observable in the natural, where the fire 
 increases the wind, and the wind increases the fire 
 
 In the whole course of our observation there is 
 not so misrepresented and abused a personage as 
 death. Some have styled him the king of terrors, 
 when he might with less impropriety have been 
 termed the terror of kings ; others have dreaded 
 him as an evil without end, although it w r as in their 
 own power to make him the end of all evil. He 
 has been vilified as the cause of anguish, conster- 
 nation, and despair ; but these, alas, are things that 
 appertain not unto death, but unto life. How 
 strange a paradox is this, we love the distemper 
 and loathe the remedy, preferring the fiercest buf- 
 fetings of the hurricane to the tranquillity of the 
 harbour. The poet has lent his fictions, the painter 
 his colours, the orator his tropes, to portray death 
 as the grand destroyer, the enemy, the prince of 
 phantoms and of shades. But can he be called a 
 destroyer, who for a perishable state gives us that 
 which is eternal ? Can he be styled the enemy, 
 who is the best friend only of the best, who never 
 deserts them at their utmost need, and whose friend- 
 ship proves the most valuable to those who live the 
 longest ? Can he be termed the prince of phan- 
 toms and of shades, who destroys that which is 
 transient and temporary, to establish that which 
 alone is real and fixed ? And what are the mourn- 
 ful escutcheons, the sable trophies, and the melan- 
 
34 i 
 
 LACON. 
 
 choly insignia with which we surround him, the 
 sepulchral gloom, the mouldering carcass, and the 
 slimy worm ? These, indeed, are the idle fears and 
 empty terrors, not of the dead, but of the living. 
 The dark domain of death we dread indeed to 
 enter, but we ought rather to dread the ruggedness 
 of some of the roads that lead to it ; but if they 
 are rugged, they are short, and it is only those that 
 are smooth, that are wearisome and long. Perhaps 
 he summons us too soon from the feast of life, be 
 it so ; if the exchange be not for the better, it is 
 not his fault, but our own : or he summons us late ; 
 the call is a reprieve, rather than a sentence ; foi 
 who would wish to sit at the board, when he can 
 no longer partake of the banquet, or to live on to 
 pain, when he has long been dead to pleasure ? 
 Tyrants can sentence their victims to death, but how 
 much more dreadful would be their power, could 
 they sentence them to life ? Life is the jailer of 
 the soul in this filthy prison, and its only deliverer 
 is death ; what we call life is a journey to death, 
 and what we call death, is a passport to life. True 
 wisdom thanks death for what he takes, and still 
 more for what he brings. Let us then like senti- 
 nels, be ready, because we are uncertain, and calm 
 because we are prepared. There is nothing formi- 
 dable about death but the consequences of it, and 
 these we ourselves can regulate and control. The 
 shortest life is long enough if it lead to a better 
 and the longest life is too short if it do not. 
 
 As in the game of billiards, the balls are con 
 stantly producing effects from mere chance, which 
 the most skilful player could neither execute nor 
 foresee, but which, when they do happen, serve 
 
LAC ON. 34a 
 
 mainly to teach him how much he has still to learn , 
 so it is in the more profound and complicated game 
 of politics and diplomacy. In both cases, we can 
 only regulate our play by what we have seen, 
 rather than by what we have hoped ; and by what 
 we have experienced, rather than by what we have 
 expected. For one character that appears on the 
 theatre of human affairs that can rule events, there 
 are ten thousand that can follow* them, sometimes 
 
 * It is astonishing how many men the French revolution 
 obliged to be great, even in spite of themselves. Events 
 hurried on the political machine with such tremendous 
 rapidity, that the passengers were compiled to travel not 
 only faster, but farther than they had bargained for; most 
 of them would very gladly have given up their places, had it 
 not been more dangerous to jump out, even than it was to 
 remain. There are four men who might have written the 
 most interesting volumes that ever were bequeathed to pos- 
 terity, could we only ensure two things, that their own 
 egotism would permit them to be candid, or that s the powers 
 thai be' would permit their details to be read. Of the men I 
 allude to, two are no more, and two remain — Bonaparte, 
 Talleyrand, Sieyes, and Carnot. Such men as Talleyrand, 
 Sieyes, Mazarin, Richelieu, and De Retz, go to prove that 
 what Lord Chatham termed the college of fishermen, had 
 very different views of their vocation, from the college of 
 cardinals, and infallibility itself must prove itself fallible, 
 the instant it sets about to reconcile the career of these men, 
 with the life and doctrine of Him who expressly said: — 
 " My kingdom is not of this world.' < Be ye not called Rabbi. 9 
 I shall finish this note with a quotation from the text 
 and notes of c Hypocrisy/ as the passage contains an 
 anecdote of Sieyes, and an application of some lines of 
 Juvenal to him, which have been thought happy, but 
 the reader must judge ; 
 
 As Sieyes shrewd, who in the direst times, 
 When Paris recked with cruelty and crimes, 
 By turns ruled all ; — and as each colleague bled, 
 Contrived — no trifling task — to wear a head ; 
 Though favourites daily fell, dragged forth to die 
 Unheard, or ere their plaster busts were dry.' 
 

 34 n 
 
 LACON 
 
 vrithmore success than these master-minds, always 
 with more safety. He that undertakes to guide 
 the vessel, may at last be swept away from the 
 helm, by the hurricane ; while those who have 
 battened themselves down, determined to follow 
 the fate of their vessel, rather than to guide it, 
 may arrive safe on the shore. Fortune, like other 
 females, prefers a lover to a master, and submits 
 with impatience to control ; but he that woos her 
 with opportunity, and importunity, will seldom 
 court her in vain. 
 
 It is astonishing how much more anxious people 
 are to lengthen life than to improve it ; and as 
 misers often lose large sums of money in attempt- 
 ing to make more, so do hypochondriacs squander 
 large sums of time in search of nostrums by which 
 they vainly hope they may get more time to squan- 
 
 Dr. Moore, father of the gallant general, was at Paris on 
 the breaking out of the revolution. He wished to purchase 
 a few of the busts of those demagogues who had, each in 
 their turn, strutted their hour on that blood)^ stage. ' Ah, 
 sir !' exclaimed the artist, ' ours has been a losing trade o\ 
 late : as the real heads have often taken leave of the shoul- 
 ders of their owners before the artificial ones, which we 
 were modelling, could be exhibited for sale. It then became 
 as dangerous to have them, as before it was to be without 
 them. But here, sir,' said he, handing him the bust of the 
 Abbe Sieyes, { here is a head that has not yet quarrelled 
 with its shoulders. This head in some degree makes up 
 for what we have lost by its companions ; it is in great 
 request still, and sells well.' 
 
 The Abbe has lately had much leisure time upon hi> 
 hands : may we indulge the hope that he has employed b 
 in preparing the history of his own times 1 If to this deli- 
 cate task he would bring the honesty of Burnet, without 
 his credulity, he might bequeath to posterity the most in 
 teresting volume that ever was written. -Kr^a s$ nut. 
 
LACON. 347 
 
 der. Thus the diurnals give us ten thousand 
 recipes to live long, for one to live well, and hence 
 the use of the present which we have, is thrown 
 away in idle schemes of how we may abuse that 
 future we may not have. No man can promise 
 himself even fifty years of life ; but any man may, 
 if he please, live in the proportion of fifty years, in 
 forty ; — let him rise early, that he may have the day 
 before him, and let him make the most of the day, 
 by determining to expend it on two sorts of acquaint- 
 ance only, those by whom something may be got, 
 and those from whom something may be learned. 
 
 The rich patient cures the poor physician much 
 more often than the poor physician the rich patient ; 
 and it is rather paradoxical, that the rapid recovery 
 of the one usually depends upon the procrastinated 
 disorder of the other. Some persons will tell you 
 with an air of the miraculous, that they recovered 
 although they were given over, whereas they might 
 with more reason have said, they recovered because 
 they were given over. 
 
 The most adroit flattery is that which counter- 
 feits a resentment at hearing our darling opinions 
 so sturdily attacked, yet counterfeits it, only to 
 bestow the mead of a victory wrested from us, as 
 we pretend, by the more forcible weapons of our 
 opponent. 
 
 If a legislator were to transport the robbed, but 
 to encourage and reward the robber, ought we to 
 wonder if felonies were frequent ? and in like man- 
 ner, when women send the seduced to Coventry, 
 
348 
 
 LAC ON, 
 
 but countenance and even court the seducer, ought 
 we not to wonder if seductions were scarce ? 
 
 We usually prefer ourselves to our revenge ; but 
 there are cases where we prefer our revenge to 
 ourselves. This reflection ought to make us 
 extremely cautious how we too deeply injure ano- 
 ther ; for revenge is a dreadful engine, even in the 
 feeblest hands; and as there are injuries which 
 make life a burden, can we wonder if that burden 
 be got rid of, by the very act that also sets us 
 even with our enemy. 
 
 There is a very cunning flattery, which great 
 minds sometimes pay themselves, by condescend- 
 ing to admire efforts corresponding with, but vastly 
 inferior to their own. This will help a close ob- 
 server to account for a vast deal of otherwise unac- 
 countable flummery that is hawked about m the 
 market of fame, but very cheap like all other arti- 
 cles that are so doubly unfortunate as to be not 
 only stale, but a glut. 
 
 The conduct of corporate bodies sometimes 
 would incline one to suspect that criminality is with 
 them, a matter of calculation rather than ot con- 
 science, since the individuals that compose these 
 bodies, provided they can only divide the weight 
 of the odium attached to an obnoxious measure, 
 have no objection to the full weight of the profit, 
 and the whole weight of the guilt. I have heard 
 of a plain countryman who had occasion to renew 
 a fine in a certain diocess. He waited on everv 
 individual of the chapter separately — they were 
 vastly civil ; one gave him brandy, another beer, 9 
 
LA CON. 349 
 
 third wine, a fourth hollands, and so on. On 
 the day following he appeared before thein in their 
 corporate capacity, when he found a terrible meta- 
 morphosis had taken place, and it was not without 
 difficulty he could persuade himself they were the 
 same men. Having concluded a very hard bargain: 
 1 Gentlemen,' said our rustic, * I can compare you 
 to nothing but the good cheer I received at your 
 houses yesterday ; taken separately you are excel- 
 lent, but mix you together, and you are a mess for 
 the d 1.' 
 
 As the next thing to having wisdom ourselves, is 
 to profit by that of others, so the next thing to 
 having merit ourselves, is to take care that the 
 meritorious profit by us ; for he that rewards the 
 deserving, makes himself one of the number. 
 
 The idle levy a very heavy tax upon the indus- 
 trious, when by frivolous visitations they rob them 
 of their time. Such persons beg their daily happi- 
 ness from door to door, as beggars their daily 
 bread, and like them, sometimes meet with a rebuff. 
 A mere gossip ought not to wonder if we evince 
 signs that we are tired of him, seeing that we are 
 indebted to the honour of his visit, solely to the 
 circumstance of his being tired of himself. He 
 sits at home until he has accumulated an insup 
 portable load of ennui, and he sallies forth to dis 
 tribute it among all his acquaints nee. 
 
 The priest should be careful not to act the 
 
 reverse of the physician, and in two most import • 
 
 ant points. The physician renders the most naii* 
 
 teor.s prescription palatable, by the elegance of its 
 
 30 
 
350 
 
 LACON. 
 
 preparation, and the winning suavity with which it 
 is recommended ; whereas the priest may possibly 
 render a most refreshing cordial disgusting, by the 
 injudicious addition of his own compounds, and 
 the ungracious manner with which they are admin- 
 istered. 
 
 The character of a people is raised, when little 
 bickerings at home are made to give way to great 
 events that are developing themselves abroad ; but 
 the character of a people is degraded, when they 
 are blind as to measures of the greatest moment 
 abroad, by paltry jealousies at home. 
 
 A man's profundity may keep him from opening 
 on a first interview, and his caution on a second ; 
 but I should suspect his emptiness, if he carried 
 on his reserve to a third. 
 
 Our vanity often inclines us to impute not only 
 our successes, but even our disappointments, to 
 causes personal, and strictly confined to ourselves, 
 when, nevertheless, the effects may have been 
 removed from the supposed cause, far as the poles 
 asunder. A zealous, and in his way, a very emi- 
 nent preacher, whose eloquence is as copious, and 
 far more lucid than the waters of his beloved Gam, 
 happened to miss a constant auditor from his con- 
 gregation. Schism had already made some depra- 
 vations on the fold, which was not so large, but to 
 a practised eye, the deduction of even one was per- 
 ceptible. * What keeps our friend farmer B. away 
 from us V was the anxious question proposed by our 
 vigilant minister to his clerk. * I have not seen him 
 amongst us,' continued he, c these three weeks ; I 
 
L A C O JS . 351 
 
 hope it is not Socmianism that keeps him away.' 
 * No, your honour,' replied the clerk, ' it is some- 
 thing worse than that.' ' Worse than Socinianism 
 God forbid it should be deism.' l No, your honour, 
 it is something worse than that.' ' Worse than 
 deism ! Good heavens, I trust it is not atheism ' 
 i No, your honour, it is something worse than that.' 
 ' W r orse than atheism ! impossible ; nothing can be 
 worse than atheism *' ' Yes it is, your honour- 
 it is rheumatism? 
 
 Friendship often ends in love ; but love, in friend- 
 ship — never. 
 
 To marry a rake, in the hope of reforming him, 
 and to hire a highwayman, in the hope of reclaim- 
 ing him, are two very dangerous experiments ; and 
 yet I know a lady who fancies she has succeeded 
 in the one, and all the world knows a divine who 
 really has succeeded in the other. 
 
 To write to please the lowest, few would, to 
 write to please the highest, fewer can : we must 
 either stoop to the ignorance of the one, or sur- 
 mount the envy of the other. Let us, then, strive 
 to steer between them, if we would consult both 
 our fortune and our fame. In the middle classes 
 there is a measure of judgment fully equal to any 
 demands we can make upon it — a judgment not too 
 fastidious from vanity, nor too insensible from igno- 
 rance ; and he that can balance the centie, may 
 not be fearful of the two extremes. Were one 
 half of the world philosophers, and the other fools, 
 I would either not have written these pages, 01 
 having written — burnt them 
 
352 
 
 L A C ON, 
 
 It is a curious paradox, that precisely in propor . 
 tion to our own intellectual weakness, will be our 
 credulity as to those mysterious powers assumed 
 by others ; and in those regions of darkness and 
 ignorance where man cannot effect even those 
 things that are within the power of man, there we 
 shall ever find that a blind belief in feats that aie 
 far beyond those powers, has taken the deepest 
 root in the minds of the deceived, and produced 
 the richest harvest to the knavery of the deceiver. 
 An impostor that would starve in Edinburgh, might 
 luxuriate in his Gynaeceum at Constantinople. But 
 the more we know as to those things that can be 
 done, the more skeptical do we become, as to all 
 things that cannot. Hence it is that no man thinks 
 so meanly of a prime minister, as his private secre 
 tary, nor so humbly of a conjurer, as his own zany ; 
 hence it is that no men have so little confidence in 
 medicine as physicians, nor in works of superero- 
 gation as monks ; notwithstanding both respectively 
 prescribe each, to others. And the converse of 
 this proposition, being perhaps equally true, it then 
 affords the same kind of conviction to the philoso- 
 pher, that the joint proof of synthesis and analy- 
 sis doth to the chymist- And we might transpose, 
 for brevity, the proposition thus — the less we know 
 as to things that can be done, the less skeptical are 
 we as to things that cannot. Hence it is that sail- 
 ors and gamblers, though not over remarkable for 
 their devotion, are even proverbial for their super- 
 stition ; the solution of this phenomena is, that Loth 
 these descriptions of men have so much to do with 
 hings beyond all possibility of being reduced 
 either to rule or to reason — the winds and the 
 waves — and the decisions of the dice box. The 
 
LACON 353 
 
 gambler, indeed, abounds in two of the cardinal 
 virtues — faith and hope; but as he lamentably 
 fails in charity, which is greater than these — he is 
 nothing 
 
 Those that are teaching the people to read, are 
 doing all that in them lies to increase the power, 
 and to extend the influence of those that can 
 write ;* for the child will read to please his master, 
 but the man, to please himself. 
 
 * This question would require a volume, and all I shall 
 observe upon it here, is, that a state of half knowledge in 
 the lower orders, is far more dangerous to the tranquillity 
 of a government than a state of ignorance ; for those that 
 can see a little will submit to be led, far less readily than 
 those that are blind ; and the little glimmering such have, 
 does not enable them to distinguish between the false light 
 of the demagogue, and the true light of the patriot ; between 
 him who means their good, and him that means his own. 
 But in spite of this, I am still an advocate for enlightening 
 the people, notwithstanding this middle point must be passed 
 in doing it ; but it is a stage in the progress of a nation re- 
 quiring not only much of firmness, but much of concession 
 too, on the part of the rulers. In fact, I know of no political 
 problem where the adjustment of the balance of the suaviter 
 and the fortiter is so nice, and at the same time so necessary. 
 I shall make no apology for quoting here the words of a 
 learned foreigner, in his preface of a most valuable work, 
 addressed to Sir Robert Walpole, then prime minister of 
 England. ' True and extensive knowledge never was, 
 and never can be hurtful to the peace of society. It is 
 ignorance, or which is far worse than ignorance, false 
 knowledge, that is chiefly terrible to states. They are the 
 furious, the ill-taught, the blind, and misguided, that are 
 prone to be seized with grc undless fears, and unprovoked 
 resentments; to be raised by incendiaries, and to rush 
 desperately on to sedition, and acts of rage. Subjects that 
 are most knowing, and best informed, are ever most peace- 
 able antf loyal ; whereas, the loyalty and obedience of such 
 whose understandings exten \ not beyond names and sounds 
 30* 
 
354 
 
 LAC ON. 
 
 The greatest and the most amiable privilege 
 which the rich enjoy over the poor, is that which 
 they exercise the least — the privilege of making 
 them happy. 
 
 If you cannot inspire a woman with love of you, 
 Jill her above the brim with love of herself; — all 
 that runs over will be yours. 
 
 There are many dogs that have never killed 
 their own mutton ; but very few who having began,' 
 
 will be always precarious, and can never be thoroughly 
 relied upon, whilst any turbulent or artful men can, by din 
 and clamour, and the continual application of those sounds, 
 intoxicate and inflame them even to madness ; can make 
 them believe themselves undone, though nothing can hurt 
 them ; think they are oppressed, when they are best pro- 
 tected ; and can drive them into riots and rebellion, without 
 the excuse of one real grievance. It will always be easy 
 to raise a mist before eyes that are already dark, and it is a 
 true observation, that it is an easy work to govern wise men, 
 but to govern fools or madmen, a continual slavery. It is 
 from the blind zeal and stupidity cleaving to superstition; 
 it is from the ignorance, rashness and rage, attending fac- 
 tion, that so many mad and sanguinary evils have destroyed 
 men, dissolved the best governments, and thinned the great- 
 est nations. As a people, well instructed, will certainly 
 esteem the blessings they enjoy, and study public peace for 
 their ov/n sake, there is a great merit in instructing the 
 people, and cultivating their understandings. They are 
 certainly less credulous, in proportion as they are more 
 knowing, and consequently less liable to be the dupes of 
 demagogues, and the property of ambition. They are not 
 then to be surprised with false cries, nor animated by ims 
 ginary danger. Wherever the understanding is well pi in- 
 cipled and informed, the passions will be tame, and the 
 Heart weD disposed. They, therefore, who communicate 
 true knowledge to their species, are true friends to the 
 world, benefactors to society, and deserve all encourage- 
 ment from those who preside over society, with the applause 
 and srorxi wishes of ail good and honest men.' 
 
L A C O N . 35£ 
 
 have stopped. And there are many women who 
 have never intrigued, and many men who have 
 never gamed ; but those who have done either but 
 once, are very extraordinary animals, and more 
 worthy of a glass case when they die, than half the 
 iixotics in the British museum. 
 
 When we feel a strong desire to thrust onr 
 advice upon others, it is usually because we 
 suspect their weakness ; but we ought rather to 
 suspect our own. 
 
 The young fancy that their follies are mistaken 
 by the old, for happiness ; and the old fancy that 
 their gravity is mistaken by the young, for wisdom. 
 And yet each are wrong in supposing this of the 
 other. The misapprehension is mutual, but I shall 
 not attempt to set either of them right, because 
 their respective error is reciprocally consolatory to 
 both. I w 7 ould not be so severe on the old, as the 
 lively Frenchman, who said, that if they w r ere fond 
 of giving good advice, it was only because they 
 were no longer able to set a bad example ; but for 
 their own sake, no less than of others, I would 
 recommend cheerfulness to the old, in the room of 
 austerity, knowing that heaviness is much more 
 often synonymous with ignorance, than gravity 
 with wisdom. Cheerfulness ought to be the viati- 
 cum vita* of their life to the old : age without 
 cheerfulness, is a Lapland winter without a sun ; 
 and this spirit of cheerfulness should be encouraged 
 m our youth, if we would wish to have the benefit 
 
 * The vrovision of life. — Pub. 
 
356 LAOOJN. 
 
 of it in our old age ; time will make a generou3 
 wine more mellow, but it will turn that which is 
 early on the fret , to vinegar. 
 
 Courage is like the diamond — very brilliant ; not 
 changed by fire, capable of high polish, but except 
 for the purpose of cutting hard bodies, useless. 
 The great Tamerlane had his full share of it, yet 
 he said its value was much overrated, because it 
 required nothing more than the exercise of forti- 
 tude and patience for one short hour. One would 
 suppose the Tartar had read Horace, and had his 
 description of a battle in view : — 
 
 € Concurritur — horcB 
 
 Momenta cita mors venit, aut victoria lata.' * 
 
 In great cities men are more callous both to the 
 happiness and the misery of others, than in the 
 country ; for they are constantly in the habit of 
 
 seeing both extremes. 
 
 Mystery magnifies danger, as a fog the sun ; the 
 hand that warned Belshazzar, derived its horrify- 
 ing influence from the want of a body. 
 
 In the East, the women are chosen with reference 
 to their personal charms, rather than their intellec- 
 tual, considered as ministers to sensuality, rather 
 than as ornaments of society, and abandoned the 
 moment the slighest decay begins to manifest itself 
 in those corporeal attractions which first enhanced 
 their value, and ensured their admiration. It would 
 
 They meet — an hourh brief time 
 
 And death has come, or triumphs peal sublime. — Pub. 
 
LACON. 35? 
 
 seem that there is a sound physical cause for this 
 low and animal mode of appreciating female excel 
 lence, so prevalent ir. the East, and in calculating 
 which, if compared with the northern nations, the 
 body has so much more weight in the scale than 
 the mind. The fact is, that under the ripening 
 suns of the east, all the charms and beauties of the 
 body are developed, long before the less precocious 
 irind has put forth even the promise and the blos- 
 om of its ultimate but progressive perfection 
 But inasmuch as premature adolescence has a 
 constant tendency to superinduce premature decre- 
 pitude, the charms of the body have ceased to 
 flourish, when those of the mind are beginning to 
 expand and to bud. Thus the unfortunate pride 
 of the harem has ceased to please as the mistress,* 
 precisely at the moment when she might begin to 
 interest as the friend. For that alliance may be 
 said to have a double tie, where the minds are 
 united, as well as the body, and the union will have 
 all its strength, when both the links are in perfec- 
 tion together. But with regard to the state of 
 society in the East, as connected with women, the 
 evil we are now considering, like many others, 
 acts in a circle ; for the education of the female 
 
 * Women in warm climates are marriageable, says Mon- 
 tesquieu, at eight or nine years of age ; infancy and mar- 
 riage, therefore, almost always go together, and women 
 become old at twenty. Reason, then, and beauty are in 
 them never found together. When beauty wishes to sway, 
 reason refuses it ; and when reason might attain it, beauty 
 is no more. And Prideaux, in his life of Mahomet, in- 
 forms us, that Mahomet was betrothed to his wife Cadhisja, 
 at five years old, and tock her to his bed at eight ; and that 
 in the hoi countries of Arabia and the Indies, girls are 
 marriageable at eight years old, and are brought to bed 
 the year after. 
 
358T 
 
 L A G ON 
 
 mind, in those regions of solar light, but of intel- 
 lectual darkness, is sacrificed evert from the cradle 
 to the meretricious fascinations of the body : since 
 no man is at great pains to cultivate that, which 
 he knows beforehand he shall have no relish to 
 enjoy. Corporeal charms may indeed gain admi- 
 rers, but there must be mental ones to retain them ; 
 and Horace had a delicate feeling of this, when he 
 refused to restrict the pleasures of the lover merely 
 to his eyes, but added also those of the ear : — 
 
 Qui sedens ide?itidem, te 
 Spectat et audit?* 
 
 Love is a volcano, the crater of which no wise 
 man will approach too nearly, lest from motives far 
 less philosophical than those of Empedocles,t he 
 should be swallowed up, leaving something behind 
 him that will tell more tales than a slipper. 
 
 We often injure our cause by calling in that 
 which is weak, to support that which is strong 
 Thus the ancient school-merc. who in some instan- 
 
 - Who, ever and anon 
 
 Still as he sits, beholds and, listens to thee.. — Pub. 
 t Horace, speaking of this philosopher, says: — 
 
 rdentemfrigidus Mtnam, 
 
 ' Insiluit.'i 
 
 The mountain threw out his slipper, which discovered hii 
 fate. It is recorded that Aristotle, from motives of the same 
 unquenchable curiosity, threw himself into the Euripus: 
 the phenomena of the flux and reflux of this river puzzled 
 -our philosopher so much, that he jumped into the stream, 
 exclaiming : ' Since I cannot comprehend the Euripus, the 
 Euripus shall comprehend me.' 
 
 tlri'Jirferent, into burling Etna leaped. — Pub. 
 
LAG ON. 359 
 
 ces were more silly than school-boys, were con- 
 stantly lugging in the authority of Aristotle to 
 support the tenets of Christianity ; and yet these 
 very men would laugh at an engineer of the present 
 day, who should make a similar blunder in artillery, 
 that they have done in argument, and drag up an 
 ancient battering ram to assist a modern cannon. 
 
 There are many things that are thorns to our 
 hopes until we have attained them, and envenomed 
 arrows to our hearts, when we have. 
 
 The ancients, in their poetical and dramatical 
 machinery, made their gods the prime agents of 
 as much evil as good. They have described them, 
 as mixing themselves up with human infirmities, 
 and lending themselves to human passions, in so 
 gross a manner, that it is almost impossible to 
 admire virtue, and to esteem such gods , or to look 
 up to heaven with affection, without looking down 
 upon its rulers with abhorrence.* It is on this 
 
 * In confirmation of the above remarks, I shall quote a 
 passage from one of the finest writers of the last century : — 
 
 1 Be it how it will, the wonderful in poetry has begotten 
 I hat of knight-errantry, and certain it is, that the devils and 
 conjurers cause much less harm in this way of writing, 
 lhan the gods and their ministers did in the former. 
 
 c The goddess of arts, of knowledge, and wisdom, inspires 
 the bravest of all the Greeks with an ungovernable fury, 
 and surfers him not to recover his senses she had taken 
 from him, but only to make him capable of perceiving his 
 folly, and by this means to kill himself out of mere shame 
 *md despair. 
 
 * The greatest and most prudent of the goddesses favours 
 scandalous passions, and lends her assistance to carry on a 
 criminal amour. 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 .:■ 
 
 
 : 
 
 
 : 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 360 L A C O N . 
 
 account that I should rather side with Plato, who 
 would have interdicted the ancient tragedy to the 
 Athenians, than with Aristotle, who with some qual 
 
 ■ The same goddess employs all sorts of artifices to 
 destroy a handful of innocent people, who by no means 
 deserved her indignation. 
 
 1 She thought it not enough to exhaust her own power, 
 and that of the other gods, whom she solicited to ruin 
 iEneas, but even corrupts the god of sleep to cast Pal in u- 
 rus into a slumber, and so to order matters, that he might 
 drop into the sea; this piece of treachery succeeded, and 
 the poor pilot perished in the waves. 
 
 • There is not one of the gods in these poems that does 
 not bring the greatest misfortunes upon men, or hurry 
 them on to the blackest actions. Nothing is so villanous 
 here below, which is not executed by their order, or au- 
 thorized by their example ; and this it was that principally 
 contributed to give birth to the sect of the Epicureans, and 
 afterwards to support it. 
 
 c Epicurus, Lucretius, and Petronms, would rather make 
 their gods lazy, and enjoy their immortal nature in an un- 
 interrupted tranquillity, than see them active and cruelly 
 employed in ruining ours. 
 
 1 Nay, Epicurus, by doing so, pretended he showed his 
 great respect to the gods ; and from hence proceeded that 
 saying which Bacon so much admires, ' Non Deos vulgi 
 negare profanum, sed vulgi opinionem diis applicare pro- 
 fanum.. * 
 
 1 Now I don't mean' by this, that we are obliged to dis- 
 card the gods out of our works, and much less from those 
 of poetry, where they seem to enter more naturally than 
 any where else. A Jove principium musce.i I am for in- 
 troducing them as much as any man, but then I would 
 have them bring their wisdom, justice, and clemency along 
 with them, and not appear, as we generally make them, 
 like a pack of impostors and assassins. I would have 
 them come with a conduct to regulate, and not with a dis- 
 order to confound every thing. 
 
 1 Perhaps it may be replied, that these extravagances 
 
 * It is not profanity to deny the gods of the vulgar, but it i3 profanity 
 to measure the gods by the opinions of the vulgar.- -Pub 
 
 * From Jove the musf descends — Pttb 
 
LAC ON. 
 
 36, 
 
 locations, recommended it. For the writers of the 
 Greek tragedy were continually placing their audi- 
 ence in situations where, if they exercised thei* 
 pity, it could only be at the expense of their piety, 
 and where disgust was a feeling far more liable to 
 be excited than devotion. In short, there seems 
 to be this difference between the superstition of the 
 Pagans, and the religion of the Christians ; the 
 former lowered a God to a man ; the latter exalts a 
 man to a God ! 
 
 On a former occasion I have observed, that every 
 historian has described the age in which he hap- 
 pened to write, as the worst because he has only 
 heard of the wickedness of other times, but has 
 felt and seen that of his own. I now repeat this 
 proposition for the purpose of introducing a very 
 shrewd remark I have since chanced upon, which 
 
 ought only to pass for fables and fictions which belong to 
 the jurisdiction of poetry. Bui I would fain know what 
 art and science in the world has the power to exclude good 
 sense 1 ff we need only write in verse, to be privileged in 
 all extravagances, for my part, I would never advise any 
 man to meddle with prose, where he must immediately be 
 pointed at for a coxcomb, if he leaves good sense and rea- 
 son never so little behind him. 
 
 1 1 wonder extremely, that the ancient poets were so 
 scrupulous to preserve probability in actions purely human, 
 and violated it after so abominable a manner, when they 
 come to recount the actions of the gods. Even those who 
 have spoken of their nature more soberly than the rest, 
 could not forbear to speak extravagantly of their conduct. 
 
 * When they establish their being, and their attributes, 
 they make them immorta-, infinite, almighty ,perfectly wise, 
 and perfectly good. But at the very moment they set them 
 a working, there is no weakness to which they do not make 
 them stoop ; there is no folly or wickedness which they 
 do not make them commit.' 
 
 31 
 
362 LA CON. 
 
 will give rise to a few observations. ' How strange 
 it is, (says an old author,) that we, of the present 
 day, are constantly praising that past age, which 
 our fathers abused, and as constantly abusing that 
 present age, which our children will praise.' This 
 assertion is witty, and true ; but if the praise and 
 the censure awarded by the parties, were equally 
 true, it would follow that the world must have 
 become so bad by this time, that no security, and 
 of course, no society could be found within it. Foi 
 if every succeeding generation praises the past, 
 but abuses the present, and is right in doing it, how 
 very good must men have been in the first ages of 
 the world, and how excessively bad must they have 
 become now. On the former supposition, a deluge 
 of water would not have been necessaiy, and on 
 the latter, a deluge of fire would hardly effect a 
 cure. But let us pause to inquire who they are, 
 that are most commonly the great admirers of the 
 ; olden time f the ? laudatores tempo f is acti?* They 
 are almost invariably to be found amongst the 
 aged ; and the rising generation, having no expe- 
 rience of their own, Jbut trusting to those who 
 have — hear, and believe. Bat is it not natural, 
 that the old should extol the days of their youth ; 
 the weak, the era of their strength ; the sick, the 
 season of their vigour ; and the disappointed, the 
 spring-tide of their hopes ! Alas, it is not the 
 times that have changed, but themselves. 
 
 We often regret we did not do otherwise, when 
 that very otherwise would in all probability have 
 done for us. Life too often presents us with a 
 
 * Flatterers of the olden time. — Pub. 
 
in 
 
 LACON. 
 
 363 
 
 choice of evils, rather than of goods. Like the 
 fallen angels of Milton, we all know the evils that 
 we have, but we are ignorant what greater evils we 
 might have encountered by rushing on apparent 
 goods, the consequences of which we know not. 
 
 1 Everten domus totas, optantibus ipsis 
 1 Dii facile s ;'* 
 
 by which even a Pagan moralist suggests that the 
 prayers of men are sometimes granted by the gods, 
 to the destruction of the supplicants. 
 
 lit 
 
 We injure mysteries, which are matters of faith, 
 by any attempt at explanation in order to make them 
 matters of reason. Could they be explained, they 
 would cease to be mysteries ; and it has been well 
 said, that a thing is not necessarily against reason, 
 
 because it happens to be above it. Doctor B 1 
 
 once told Home Tooke that he had just witnessed 
 an exemplification of the Trinity, for he had seen 
 three men in one whiskey ! 4 Poh, poh !' replied 
 our etymologist, ' that is no exemplification at all ; 
 you should have seen one man in three whiskeys !' 
 A certain missionary once asked a new convert, if 
 he had any clear notions on this sacred subject , 
 his Asiatic proselyte immediately made three folds 
 in his garment, and having held them in that state 
 a few seconds, pulled them back again into one 
 We believe the doctrine of the Trinity, because, 
 though above reason, it is matter of faith ; but we 
 
 * For sometimes heaven will aid the madly blind 
 To yull upon themselves their own destruction. — Pub. 
 
 t This anecdote is rather against the doctor, for the wn 
 is Parson Home's, but the profaneness is the doctor's; 
 perhaps even I shall not wholly escape for relating it, 
 
364 
 
 •LACON 
 
 are not bound to believe in all the explanations of 
 it, which are often against both, and matter of 
 neither. The attention of the religious world, in 
 the west of England, was lately much occupied 
 by a very learned controversy on this subject, car- 
 ried on by three doughty champions, each of whom 
 with more of erudition, but perhaps less of gentle- 
 ness, than the shepherds in Virgil, were ' et cantare 
 pares, et respondere parati?* The individuals, 
 however, were more at home in knocking down 
 each other's arguments, than in establishing their 
 own ; which led the sharpsighted editor of a cer- 
 tain journal, whose columns our polemics had filled, 
 without much profit to the sale, to suppose that it 
 was high time for him to interfere, and to sum up 
 with all due impartiality, between the parties : — : 
 
 -' Componere lites 
 
 'Inter Pelidden festinat, et inter Atriden^ 
 
 He did so, and though luminous on many othe» 
 points, ' The Western Luminary' was rather ob 
 scure upon this : — 
 
 4 Magnis tamen excidit ausis?\ 
 
 To convince him that his three learned correspon 
 dents, however they had disagreed in particulars 
 agreed as to the main, and that he himself in sum 
 ming up, had settled the controversy in a manne; 
 more conclusive than superficial observers migh- 
 adrnit, or accede to, I sent him the following 
 
 *Each was prepared to sing, or chant in sweet response. — Pub 
 
 t _ r po still the broils 
 
 Of Atreus' and of Pelentf sons, he kindly toils. — Pub. 
 t Yet he perishes in his noble undertakings. — Pub. 
 
LACON. '365 
 
 little 'jeu d 1 esprit, 7 which he had the candour to 
 insert : — 
 
 Cleve — Dennis — Carpenter — agree ! 
 And fully prove a Trinity ; 
 For in their writings, alf may see 
 Not one incomprehensible — but three ! 
 
 Yet Flindell deemed the task undone, 
 So finished what these scribes b^gun, 
 And showed, more clearly than the sun, 
 Not three incompreheasibles — but one ! 
 
 It is in the middle classes of society, that all 
 the finest feelings, and the most amiable propensi- 
 ties of our nature do principally flourish and 
 abound. For the good opinion of our fellow-men 
 is the strongest, though not the purest motive to 
 virtue. The privations of poverty render us too 
 cold and callous, and the privileges of property, 
 too arrogant and consequential to feel ; the first, 
 places us beneath the influence of opinion — the 
 second, above it. 
 
 Posthumous fame is a plant of tardy growth, for 
 our body must be the seed of it ; or we may liken 
 it to a torch, which nothing but the last spark of 
 life can light up: or we may compare it to the 
 trumpet of the archangel, for it is blown over the 
 dead ; but unlike that awful blast, it is of earth, not 
 of heaven, and can neither rouse nor raise us. 
 
 We make a goddess of Fortune, (says Juvenal,) 
 and place her in the highest heaven. But it is not 
 fortune that is exalted and powerful, but we our- 
 selves that are abject and weak. We strive to 
 Jtiake externals a part of ourselves, over which foi- 
 31* 
 
S66 
 
 LACON. 
 
 tune has power, neglecting that which is within 
 over which she has none. The storm may strip the 
 mountain of its garniture, and expose its breast to 
 the winds — but the mountain remains. Bias flying 
 from his country, which was wrapt in flames, and 
 reeking with the blood of the vanquished, incum 
 bered himself with none of his goods, or rather, 
 says his biographer, bore them all in his breast, not 
 to be seen by the eye, but prized by the soul, 
 enclosed in the narrow dwelling of the mind, not 
 to be demolished by mortal hands, fixed with those 
 that are settled, not retarding those that travel, and 
 not forsaking those that fly. 
 
 The benevolent have the advantage of the envi- 
 ous, even in this present life ; for the envious man 
 is tormented not only by all the ill that befalls him- 
 self, but by all the good that aappens to another ; 
 whereas the benevolent man is the better prepared 
 to bear his own calamities unruffled, from the com- 
 placency and serenity he has secured from contem- 
 plating the prosperity of all around him. The sun 
 of happiness must be totally eclipsed, before it can 
 be to^al darkness with him ! But the envious man 
 is made gloomy, not only by his own cloud, but by 
 another's sunshine. He may exclaim with the 
 poet, 'Dark ! dark ! amidst a blaze of light !* Des- 
 perate by his own calamities, and infuriated also by 
 the prosperity of another, he would fain fly to that 
 hell that is beyond him, to escape that which is 
 within. In short, envy is almost the only vice that 
 constantly punishes itself, in the very act of its 
 commitment ; and the envious man makes a worse 
 bargain, even than the hypocrite, for the hypocrite 
 eerves the devil, without wages — but the envious 
 
LACON 367 
 
 man serves him, not only without reward, but to be 
 punished also for his pains. 
 
 The affairs of this world are kept together by 
 what little truth and integrity still remain amongst 
 us ; and yet I much question whether the absolute 
 dominion of turth would be compatible with the 
 existence of any society now existing upon the face 
 of the earth. Pure truth, like pure gold, has been 
 found unfit for circulation, because men have dis- 
 covered that it is far more convenient to adulterate 
 the truth, than to refine themselves. They will not 
 advance their minds to the standard, therefore they 
 lower the standard to their minds. But the high 
 and sterling excellence of truth would appear from 
 hence, that it becomes more safe, practicable, and 
 attainable, the nearer we advance to perfection. No 
 bad man ever wished that his breast was made of 
 glass, or that others could read his thoughts. But 
 the misery is, that the duplicities, the temptations 
 and the infirmities that surround us, have rendered 
 the truth, and nothing but the truth, as hazardous 
 and contraband a commodity as a man can possibly 
 deal in. This made Sir Walter Raleigh affirm, that 
 it was dangerous to follow truth too near, lest she 
 should kick out our teeth. But let us for a moment 
 figure to ourselves a state of things w T here truth 
 should be the sole principle of all our thoughts, 
 words, and actions. Constituted as men are at 
 present, could any civilized society keep itself 
 together, under such circumstances, for one single 
 year 1 Would not eternal truth become as insup- 
 portable to our imperfect mind, as eternal day to our 
 imperfect vision ? Gracious heaven, what a scene 
 would the above supposition produce upon earth ? 
 
• ;;i : 
 
 368 LACON. 
 
 What recriminations, what eclaircissements, what 
 animosities, what exacerbations : what a pulling of 
 caps by the one sex, and of triggers by the other ' 
 The most polite levees would become an acelda- 
 ma, and the most polished routs a bear-garden. 
 What mourning brides, and merry widows, what 
 rancorous friends, and greeting enemies, what 
 accepted sinners, and rejected saints ! The whole 
 world would appear to have put on a mask, merely 
 from having taken one off. How few bargains at 
 the exchange, litigations at the bar, or long speeches 
 at the Senate. What would become of the numerous 
 tribe of schismatics in religion, polemics in contro- 
 versy, partisans in politics, and empirics in science ; 
 of enthusiasts, who believe what they cannot 
 explain, and of impostors, who explain what they 
 do not believe ? As to literature, bulky quartoes 
 would* dwindle into duodecimoes, and a folio 
 would be unknown. Authors would be restricted 
 to what was true, and critics would be precluded 
 from what was false. No revolution or revulsion 
 would be equal to this that we are considering 
 being nothing less than a transition from an order 
 of society where nothing is what it seems, to ano- 
 ther where every thing is what it appears. It is 
 manifest that men would be quickly compelled 
 either to alter such a state of things, or themselves ; 
 but I fear the former measure would be found the 
 most convenient. Taking things, not as they ought 
 to be, but as they are, I fear it must be allowed that 
 Machiavelli will always have more disciples than 
 Jesus. Out of the millions who have studied and 
 even admired the precepts of the Nazarite, how 
 few are there that have reduced them to practice ! 
 But there are numbers numberless, who, through- 
 
LACON. 369 
 
 out the whole of their lives, have been practising 
 the principles of the Italian without having even 
 heard of his name ; who cordially believe with him 
 that the tongue was given us to discover the thoughts 
 of others, arid to conceal our own ; and who range 
 themselves either under the standard of Alexander 
 the Sixth, who never did what he said, or of his 
 son Borgia, who never said what he did. 
 
 What is earthly happiness ? that phantom of 
 which we hear so much, and see so little ; whose 
 promises are constantly given andrconstantly broken, 
 but as constantly believed ; that cheats us with the 
 sound instead of the substance, and with the blos- 
 som instead of the fruit. Like Juno, she is a god- 
 dess in pursuit but a cloud in possession ; deified 
 by those who cannot enjoy her, and despised by 
 those who can. Anticipation is her herald, but 
 disappointment is her companion ; the first ad- 
 dresses itself to our imagination, that would believe, 
 but the latter to our experience, that must. Hap- 
 piness, that grand mistress of the ceremonies in the 
 dance of life, impels us through all its mazes and 
 meanderings, but leads none of us by the same 
 route. Aristippus pursued her in pleasure, Socrates 
 in wisdom, and Epicurus in both ; she received the 
 attentions of each, but bestowed her endearments 
 on neither ; although, like some other gallants, they 
 all boasted of more favours than they had received. 
 Warned by their failure, the stoic adopted a most 
 paradoxical mode of preferring his suit ; he thought, 
 by slandering, to woo her ; by shunning to win 
 her ; and proudly presumed, that by fleeing her, 
 she would turn and follow him. She is deceitful 
 as the calm that precedes the hurricane ; smooth 
 
370 lacd rv. 
 
 as the water on the verge of the cataract ; and 
 beautiful as the rainbow, that smiling daughter of 
 the storm ; but, like the mirage in the desert, she 
 tantalizes us with a delusion that distance creates, 
 and that contiguity destroys. Yet, when unsought, 
 she is often found, and when unexpected, often 
 obtained ; while those who seek for her the most 
 diligently, fail the most, because they seek her 
 where she is not. Antony sought her in love ; 
 Brutus in glory ; Cesar in dominion ; the firs- 
 found disgrace, the second disgust, the last ingrati 
 tude, and each destruction. To some she is more 
 kind, but not less cruel ; she hands them her cup, 
 and they drink even to stupefaction, until they 
 doubt whether they are men with Philip, or dream 
 that they are gods with Alexander. On some she 
 smiles as on Napoleon, with an aspect more 
 bewitching than an Italian sun ; but it is only to 
 make her frown the more terrible, and by one short 
 caress to imbitter the pangs of separation. Yet is 
 she, by universal homage and consent, a queen ; 
 and the passions are the vassal lords that crowd 
 her court, await her mandate, and move at her con- 
 trol. But, like other mighty sovereigns, she is so 
 surrounded by her envoys, her officers, and her 
 ministers of state, that it is extremely difficult to be 
 admitted to her presence-chamber, or to have any 
 immediate communication with herself. Ambition, 
 avarice, love, revenge, all these seek her, and her 
 alone ; alas ! they are neither presented to her, nor 
 will she come to them. She despatches, however, 
 her envoys unto them — mean and poor representa- 
 tives of their queen. To ambition she sends power ; 
 to avarice, wealth ; to love, jealousy ; to revenge, re- 
 morse ; alas ! what are these but so many other names 
 
LACON. 371 
 
 for vexation or disappointment. Neither is she to 
 be won by flatteries or by bribes ; she is to be gained 
 by waging war against her enemies, much sooner 
 than by paying any particular court to herself. Those 
 that conquer her adversaries, will find that they 
 need not go to her, for she will come unto them. 
 None bid so high for her as kings ; few are more 
 willing, none more able, to purchase her alliance 
 at the fullest price. But she has no more respect for 
 kings than for their subjects; she mocks them 
 indeed with the empty show of a visit, by sending 
 to their palaces all her equipage, her pomp, and 
 her train, but she comes not herself. What detains 
 her ? She is travelling incognita to keep a private 
 assignation with contentment, and to partake of a 
 tete a tete and a dinner of herbs in a cottage. Hear, 
 then, mighty queen ! what sovereigns seldom hear, 
 the words of soberness and truth. I neither despise 
 thee too little, nor desire thee too much ; for thou 
 wieldest an earthly sceptre, and thy gifts cannot 
 exceed thy dominion. Like other potentates, thou 
 also art a creature of circumstance, and an ephe- 
 meris of time. Like other potentates, thou also, 
 when stript of thy auxiliaries, art no longer com- 
 petent even to thine own subsistence; nay, thou 
 canst not even stand by thyself. Unsupported by 
 content on the one hand, and by health on the other, 
 thou fallest an unwieldy and bloated pageant to the 
 ground. 
 
 Death is like thunder* in two particulars ; we are 
 alarmed at the sound of it, and it is formidable only 
 
 * It is a doubt whether those that are killed by the light- 
 ning, even hear the thunder which follows the stroke ; be 
 that as it mav the comparison in the text mav be still farther 
 
372 
 
 L ACON. 
 
 from that which preceded it. The rich man, gasr> 
 ing for breath, and reduced to be a mendicant even 
 of the common air, tantalized with luxuries that 
 must no more be tasted, and means that must no 
 longer be enjoyed, feels at last the impotence of 
 gold ; that death which he dreaded at a distance as 
 an enemy, he now hails, when he is near, as a friend ; 
 a friend that alone can bring the peace his treasures 
 cannot purchase, and remove the pain his physi- 
 cians cannot cure. 
 
 We should take care that we do not carry our 
 religious controversies so far as to give the infidel 
 the same advantage over us in matters of faith, that 
 the ancient Pyrrhonists obtained over other sects, 
 in matters of philosophy. For all the sects of 
 philosophers agreed in one thing only — that of 
 abusing each other. He, therefore, that abused 
 them all round, was sure of a majority ; and as no 
 sect got any praises except from the disciples of 
 their own particular school, such party panegyric 
 went for nothing. 
 
 Great minds that have not as yet established a 
 name, must sometimes bend to lesser minds that 
 have ; or if they cannot bend, must break. If any 
 able man were to write an impartial account of those 
 defunct literary characters of our own country, 
 who have been overrated, and also of those that 
 have been underrated, and enter somewhat philo- 
 sophically into the causes, he might produce a very 
 
 illustrated by a fine thought of the philosopher Arcesilaus : 
 * Death,' said he, ' of all human evils, is the only one whose 
 presence is never troublesome to any one, and which makes 
 ^ls uneasy only by its absence/ 
 
LACON. 373 
 
 interesting volume. He would have all the clergy 
 on his side ; for his labours would at least be 
 orthodox, inasmuch as it might be said of him : * He 
 hath put down the mighty from their seats, and 
 exalted the humble and meek.'' Speaking generally, 
 no man appears great to his contemporaries, for the 
 same reason that no man is great to his servants — 
 both know too much of him. Envy also has hei 
 share in withholding present fame. If an author 
 hath written better than his contemporaries, he will 
 be termed a plagiarist ; if as well, a pretender ; if 
 worse, a genius of some promise, of whom they do 
 not quite despair. 
 
 It is with antiquity as with ancestry, nations aie 
 proud of the one, and individuals of the other : but 
 if they are nothing in themselves, that which is 
 their pride ought to be their humiliation. If an 
 individual is worthy of his ancestors, why extol 
 those with whom he is on a level ? and if he is 
 unworthy of them, to laud them, is to libel himself 
 And nations also, when they boast of their an- 
 tiquity,* only tell us, in other words, that they are 
 
 * I do not mean to deny the probability that a state of 
 society, highly cultivated and refined, may have existed in 
 various parts of the globe, previous to any written or au- 
 thentic documents that have been transmitted us. India 
 is not without monuments of such a state of civilization, and 
 some late discoveries go to establish the same supposition 
 even in America. I admit that it is more fair to infer such 
 a state of things from monuments that are extant, than to 
 assert its non-existence from the want of documents which, 
 after all, may have been left, but may also have been lost. 
 Setting aside the traditions of the Athenians, concerning 
 .heir Musaeus, of the Thebans of their Linus, of the Thra- 
 cians as regards their Orpheus, or the Phoenicians of Cad- 
 mus, yet still it must be admitted that Thales d'd actually 
 32 
 
I if 
 
 374 
 
 LACON. 
 
 standing on the ruins of so many generations 
 But if their view of things is limited, and their 
 prospect of the sciences narrow and confined, if 
 other nations, who stand upon no such eminence, 
 see farther than they do, is not the very antiquity 
 of which they boast, a proof that their forefathers 
 were not giants in knowledge, or if they were, that 
 their children have degenerated ? The Babylo- 
 nians laid claim to an antiquity of four hundred 
 and seventy thousand years, founded on a series 
 of astronomical observations. But with all their 
 knowledge of the heavens, they knew no more of 
 things appertaining to the earth, than their neigh 
 bours, and they suffered their glory to be eclipsed 
 by a little horde of Macedonians. The Chinese 
 of the present day are not behindhand with the 
 Babylonians in looking backwards, but with most 
 
 discover a state of society in the East, which would have 
 justified him on his return from travelling, in applying the 
 same degrading title to the Greeks themselves, which they 
 afterwards bestowed upon others. The magnificent ruins 
 of ancient cities, of which no record remains, the pyramids, 
 concerning which the remotest antiquity has nothing te 
 depose, the advanced state of the science of geometry and 
 astronomy amongst the Egyptians and the Babylonians, do 
 warrant us of aftertimes, in the presumption that a high state 
 of cultivation and knowledge did exist anterior to any 
 written documents, or historical records ; but after all, both 
 individuals and nations, when they vaunt themselves on 
 what they were, must do it at the hazard of provoking inqui- 
 ry as to what they are. But it ought to suppress the arro- 
 gance of national talent to reflect, that destruction may have 
 caused many things to be discoveries, which without it, to 
 us at least, had been none ; and a pride founded only on 
 antiquity, may also be rebuked, in a nation that suffers 
 more modern ones to outstrip it, on the principle that they 
 have made so bad a use of so long an e xperience, and have 
 profited so little, in having neither been taught by tho 
 wisdom, nor waned by the folly of their forefathers. 
 
LA CON. 375 
 
 otner nations in looking forwards. They unite all 
 the presumption, with all the prejudice of ignorance. 
 As a nation, notwithstanding their longevity, they 
 have not yet arrived at manhood, and when tney 
 boast of * heir antiquity, they only boast of a more 
 protracted period of childhood and imbecility. 
 
 ' Hope, thy weak being ended is, 
 Alike, if thou obtain, or if thou miss. 
 Thee, good or ill, doth equally confound, 
 And both'the horns of fate's dilemma wound, 
 The joys which we should as pure virgins wed, 
 Thou bring'st deflower'd to the nuptial bed.' 
 
 These lines prove that the spirit of poetry cannot 
 be tamed, even by a marriage with such a shrew as 
 metaphysics ; and that the hand of Apollo can draw 
 forth harmony even from the discordant croaking 
 of the schools. I have elsewhere observed, that 
 sleep, that type of death, is restricted to earth, that 
 it avoids hell, and is excluded heaven. This idea 
 might also be applied to hope, whose habitation is 
 manifestly terrestrial, and whose very existence 
 must, I conceive, be lost, in the overwhelming 
 realities of futurity. Neither can futurity have any 
 room for fear, the opposite of hope ; for fear antici- 
 pates suffering, and hope enjoyment ; but where 
 both are final, fixed, and full, what place remains, 
 either for hope, or for fear ? Fear, therefore, and 
 hope, are of the earth, earthy, the pale and tren? 
 bling daughters of mortality ; for in heaven we 
 can fear no change ; and in hell, no change is to 
 be feared. 
 
 No porter ever injured himself by an attempt to 
 carry six hundred weight, who could not previously 
 
376 
 
 L A C ON. 
 
 carry five, without injury ; and what obtains with 
 strength of body, obtains also with strength of 
 mind ; when we attempt to be wise, beyond what 
 is given to man, our very strength becomes our 
 weakness. No man of pigmy stature, or of puny 
 mould, will ever meet the fate of Milo, who was 
 wedged to death in an attempt to split an oak ; 
 and no man ever finished by being an accomplished 
 fool, so well as Des Cartes, because he began by 
 being a philosopher ; for a racer, if he runs out of 
 the course, will carry us much farther from it than 
 a cart-horse. Ignorance is a much more quiet, 
 manageable, and contented thing, than half know- 
 ledge. A ploughman was asked, on his cross- 
 examination, whether he could read Greek ; this 
 appeared to be a problem he had never taken the 
 trouble to solve : therefore, with as much naivete as 
 truth, he replied, that he did not know — because 
 he had never tried 
 
 He that sets out on the journey of life with a 
 profound knowledge of books, but a shallow know- 
 ledge of men, with much sense of others, but little 
 of his own, will find himself as completely at a loss 
 on occasions of common and of constant recur- 
 rence, as a Dutchman without his pipe, a French- 
 man without his mistress, an Italian without hi? 
 fiddle, or an Englishman without his umbrella. 
 
 If Diogenes used a lantern, in broad day, solely 
 and simply for the purpose of discovering an honest 
 man, this proceeding was not consistent with his 
 usual sagacity. A lantern would have been a 
 more appropriate appendage, if he had been it* 
 
LACON. 377 
 
 search of a rogue ; for such characters skulk about 
 in holes and corners, and hate the light, because 
 their deeds are evil. But I suspect this philoso- 
 pher's real motive for using a lantern in mid-day, 
 was to provoke inquiry, that he might have the 
 cynical satisfaction of telling all that asked him 
 what he was searching for, that none of them at 
 least were the men to his mind, and that his search 
 had hitherto been fruitless. It is with honesty in 
 one particular, as with wealth, those that have the. 
 thing, care less about the credit of it than those 
 who have it not. No poor man can well afford to 
 be thought so, and the less of honesty a finished 
 rogue possesses, the less he can afford to be sup- 
 posed to want it. Duke Chartres used to boast 
 that no man could have less real value for character 
 than himself, yet he would gladly give twenty 
 thousand pounds for a good one, because he could 
 immediately make double that sum, by means of 
 it. I once heard a gentleman make a very witty 
 reply to one who asserted that he did not believe 
 there was a truly honest man in the whole world : 
 1 Sir,' said he, * it is quite impossible that any one 
 man should know all the world ; but it is very pos- 
 sible that some one man — may know himself. 
 
 No disorders have employed so many quacks 
 as those that have no cure ; and no sciences have 
 exercised so many quills, as those that have no 
 certainty. Truth lies in a small compass ; and if 
 a well has been assigned her for a habitation, it is 
 as appropriate from its narrowness, as its depth. 
 Hence it happens that those sciences that are 
 capable of being demonstrated, or that are redu- 
 cible to the severity of calculation, are never 
 
378 
 
 L A CON. 
 
 voluminous ; for clearness is intimately connected 
 with conciseness, as the lightning which is the 
 brightest thing, is almost the most brief ; but pre- 
 cisely in proportion as certainty vanishes, verbosity 
 abounds. To foretell an eclipse, a man must 
 understand astronomy ; or to find out an unknown 
 quantity, by a known one, he must have a know- 
 ledge of calculation ; and yet the rudiments that 
 enable us to effect these important things, are to 
 be found in a very narrow compass. When I sur- 
 vey the ponderous and voluminous folios of the 
 schoolmen and the mataphysicians, I am inclined 
 to ask a very simple question : What have either of 
 these plodders done, that has not been better done by 
 those that were neither 1 
 
 Were a man to deny himself the pleasure of 
 walking, because he is restricted from the privi 
 lege of flying, and refuse his dinner, because it was 
 not ushered in on a service of plate, should we not 
 be more inclined to ridicule, than to pity him ? and 
 yet we are all of us more or less guilty of similar 
 absurdities, the moment we deny ourselves plea- 
 sures that are present, and within our reach, either 
 from a vain repining after those that must never 
 return, or from as vain an aspiring after those that 
 may never arrive. 
 
 Nobility of birth does not always ensure a cor- 
 responding nobility of mind ; if it did, it would 
 always act as a stimulus to noble actions ; but it 
 sometimes acts as a clog, rather than a spur. For 
 the favour and consideration of our fellow-men are 
 perhaps the strongest incentive to intellectual exer- 
 tion ; but rank and title, unfortunately for the 
 
LAGON. 37:t 
 
 possessors of them, ensure that favour and conside- 
 ration, even without exertion, that others hardly 
 can obtain by means of it. Therefore, men high 
 in rank are sometimes low in acquirement, not so 
 much from want of ability, as from want of appli- 
 cation ; for it is the nature of man, not to expend 
 labour on those things that he can have without it, 
 nor to sink a well, if he happen to be born upon 
 th3 banks of a river. But we might as well expect 
 the elastic muscularity of a gladiator, without 
 training, as the vigorous intellect of a Newton, 
 without toil. 
 
 Unity of opinion, abstractedly considered, is 
 neither desirable nor a good ; although considered 
 not in itself, but with reference to something else, 
 it may be both. For men may be all agreed in 
 error, and in that case unanimity is an evil. Truth 
 iies within the holy of holies, in the temple of 
 knowledge, but doubt is the vestibule that leads 
 unto it. Luther began by having his doubts, as to the 
 assumed infallibility of the Pope, and he finished by 
 making himself the corner stone of the reformation. 
 Copernicus, and Newton doubted the truth of the 
 false systems of others, before they established a 
 true one of their own ; Columbus differed in opin- 
 ion with all the old world, before he discovered a 
 new one ; and Galileo's terrestrial body was con- 
 fined in a dungeon, for having asserted the motion oi 
 those bodies that were celestial. In fact, we owe 
 almost all our knowledge, not to those who nave 
 agreed, but to those who have differed ; and those 
 who have finished by making all others think with 
 them, have usually been those who began by daring 
 to think with themselves ; as he that leads a crowd 
 
380 
 
 LAC ON. 
 
 must begin by separating himself some little dis- 
 tance from it. If the great Harvey, who discovered 
 the circulation of the blood, had not differed from 
 all the physicians of his own day, all the physicians 
 of the present day would not have agreed with 
 him These reflections ought to teach us that every 
 kind of persecution for opinions is incompatible 
 with sound philosophy. It is lamentable, indeed, 
 to think how much misery has been incurred from 
 the intemperate zeal and bigoted officiousness of 
 those who would rather that mankind should not 
 think at all, than not to think as they do. Charles the 
 fifth, when he abdicated a throne, and retired to the 
 monastery of St. Juste, amused himself with the 
 mechanical arts, and particularly with that of a 
 watchmaker ; he one day exclaimed : ' What an 
 egregious fool must I have been to have squan- 
 dered so much blood and treasure in an absurd 
 attempt to make all men think alike, when I cannot 
 even make a few watches keep time together. 
 We should remember also, that assent, or dissent, 
 is not an act of the will, but of the understanding ; 
 no man can will to believe that two and two make 
 five, nor can I force upon myself the conviction, 
 that this ink is white, or this paper black. If we 
 arrive at certain conclusions, and act conscientiously 
 upon them, a judge that is both just and merciful, 
 will require no more, provided we can answer satis- 
 factorily to the following interrogations : Have we 
 made use of all the means in our power to arrive 
 at true conclusions ? Did no interest warp us ? 
 no prejudice blind us ? no party mislead us ? no 
 sloth retard us ? and no fear intimidate us ? No 
 hierarchy, constituted authority, nor political estab 
 lishment, either of ancient, or modern times, has 
 
LAC ON. 381 
 
 made so horrible a use of the mistaken notion that 
 unanimity is a good in itself, as the church of 
 Rome. They have appropriated the term Catholic 
 to their own pale, and branded with the name of 
 heretic, all that are without it ; and the latter title 
 has made even the merciful deem it a crime to 
 pity them, and the just, injustice to do them 
 right ; so closely allied in common minds are 
 names to things. Unity* of opinion is indeed a 
 
 * Their pretence of unity captivates multitudes. They 
 upbraid the protestant with divisions, faction and schism \ 
 which they wholly impute to their departure from the 
 church of Rome, the pillar and ground of truth, and from 
 their pope, the head and centre of unity. But suppose their 
 union was greater than it is, it can be no certain argument 
 of the truth of the church, and excellency of their profession. 
 c If ail men,' says Mr. Chillingworth, ' would submit them- 
 selves to the chief mufti of the Turks, there would be no 
 division ; yet unity is not to be purchased at so dear a rate.' 
 He adds : ' It is better to go to heaven by diverse ways, or 
 rather by diverse paths of the same way, than in one and 
 the same path to go peaceably to hell. Should all the rest 
 of the angels have joined with the arch-rebel in the grand 
 apostacy, their unity would have been no commendation of 
 their cause.' 
 
 But after all, this is but a pretence. Their divisions have 
 been as great and as scandalous, as of any other body of 
 Christians in the world. Bellarmine confesses twenty-six 
 several schisms in their church ; Onuphrious reckons up 
 thirty, one of which lasted, with great animosities, for 
 fifty years. It was begun upon the election of Urban 
 VI. ; at which the cardinals being offended, withdrew, 
 and chose another pope, viz. Clement VII., who sat in 
 France, as Urban and his successors did at Rome. We 
 have a full account of these matters in Dr. Stillingfleet and 
 Dr. Geddes. ' The historians of this time,' says Dr. Still- 
 ingfleet, ' tell us there was never known so dismal an age 
 for wars and bloodshed, for murders and parricides^ ra- 
 pines and sacrilege, for seditions and conspiracies, for hor- 
 rible schisms and scandals to religion. The priest op- 
 posing the bishops, the psople the priests; and in some 
 
382 L A C O JN . 
 
 glorious and a desirable thing, and its circle cannol 
 be too strong and extended, if the centre be truth ; 
 but if the centre be error, the greater the circum- 
 
 places not only robbing the churches, burning the tithes, 
 but trampling under foot the holy eucharist, that was con- 
 secrated Dy such, whom Pope Hildebrand had excommu- 
 nicated.' The bishop adds : 'And must we, after all this, 
 believe that the Roman See is the fountain of unity in the 
 Catholic church ! that all wars and rebellions arise by cast- 
 ing off subjection to the popes, when they themselves have 
 been the great fomenters of rebellion, and the disturbers of 
 the peace of Christendom.' 
 
 It is an admirable fetch of their policy, and which very 
 much contributes to secure and enlarge their interest, the 
 suiting religion to the various humours and inclinations ot 
 men. ' The great wisdom of the court of Rome,' says Dr. 
 Stillingfleet, ' appears in this, that as long as persons are 
 true to them in the main poinds, they can let them alone in 
 smaller differences among themselves ; and not provoke 
 either of the dissenting parties lest they give them occasion 
 to withdraw from their communion. They can allow dif- 
 ferent rites and ceremonies in the several orders of religion 
 among them, and grant exemptions and privileges in par- 
 ticular cases ; if they can but hold them fast, and render 
 them serviceable to their common interest, it is enough.' 
 
 They make very different representations of religion, as 
 the case may require ; and, indeed, have provided wonder- 
 fully for the entertainment of all sorts of persons. What 
 the Jewish rabbins say of their manna, that it had every 
 kind of taste, either of oil, or honey, or bread, as would be 
 most grateful to several palates ; such a manna is popery, 
 only it does not come from heaven. If you be for pomp 
 and glory, their worship cannot miss of giving full satis- 
 faction. Their altars are adorned with cost 1 / paintings ; 
 hung with images of extraordinary saints; enriched with 
 gold and pearl, and whatever can charm the spectator's 
 eye : their priests officiate in costly habits ; their churches 
 resound with the choicest music, vocal and instrumental ; 
 and their public processions carry an air of magnificence, 
 every way proper to amuse the minds of superstitious peo- 
 ple. If, on the other hand, you are for severity, they can 
 accommodate you ; they know how exactly to fall in with 
 that humour. You will hear amongst them many notable 
 
LACON, 383 
 
 ference, the greater the evil, and the strength of 
 the parts serves only to give it an energy to be 
 execrated, and a durability to be deplored. 
 
 harangues in commendation of voluntary poverty, vows of 
 abstinence, penance, and mortification, by going barefoot, 
 fasting, wearing sackcloth, and exercising the sharpest 
 discipline towards the body. Glorious is the character of 
 their St. Francis, whom they make the highest saint in 
 heaven, because he made himself the poorest and vilest 
 wretch on earth. If you are for strict morals, they have 
 casuists for your purpose, that will talk seraphically, and 
 carry things'to an excessive height. If you are for greater 
 liberties in practice, they can turn you to such as will con- 
 descend as much as you can desire, that will promise you 
 salvation, though you have no other grace or qualification 
 but that of subjection and obedience to the church. And it 
 is by this and the like stratagems, that such multitudes are 
 drawn into their net. This is one of the sorceries of the 
 whore, by which so many nations are deceived . 
 
 It is a very great inducement to popery, and a special 
 means of propagating it in the world, that they have con- 
 trived so easy a way of salvation. You may go to heaven 
 if you live and die in the church of Rome, without either 
 repentance towards God, or faith towards our Lord Jesus 
 Christ; you need be at no pains to mortify your lusts and 
 corruptions, to purify your heart, and govern your lives 
 according to the laws of the gospel ; what they call attri- 
 tion, (and what that is you have been told,) with the sacra- 
 ment of penance, and the absolution of a priest is sufiicient. 
 And you know how well they provide for the safety of any 
 sort of cattle by holy fraternities. No less a man than their 
 Gregory IX. says, that St. Francis obtained this privilege 
 of God, that whoever had his habit on, could not die ill. — 
 And St. Francis says himself, that whoever loved his order 
 in his heart, how great a sinner soever he was, he should 
 obtain mercy of God. And in the like strain they talk (as 
 you have heard) of ocner of their saints, and the societies 
 called after their name. To enter among them, and wear 
 their badge is a sufiicient warrant for heaven, whether he 
 be a saint, or the worst of sinners that has it. 
 
 I must not omit the great delusion of all, and that is, their 
 tales o£ visions, apparitions, and miracles. If they find the 
 people boggle a little at any of their opinions, and not so 
 
384 L A. CON. 
 
 Criticism is like champaign, nothing more exe- 
 crable if bad, nothing more excellent if good ; if 
 meager, muddy, vapid, and sour, both are fit only 
 to engender colic and wind ; but if rich, generous, 
 and sparkling, they communicate a genial glow to 
 the spirits, improve the taste, expand the heart, and 
 are worthy of being introduced at the symposium 
 of the gods. In the whole range of literature, 
 nothing is more entertaining, and I might add, 
 more instructive, than sound and legitimate criti- 
 cism, the disinterested convictions of a man of 
 sensibility, who enters rather into the spirit, than 
 
 readily swallow them down as they could wish, presently 
 heaven engages in the cause ! Thus the immaculate con- 
 ception was established by a revelation ; as was purgatory, 
 transubstantiation, auricular confession, &c. And by this 
 means also, the reputation of their several orders has been 
 raised ; the credit of their images kept up ; and image- wor- 
 ship introduced and supported. 
 
 For the same purpose, they have recourse to miracles.— 
 The legends of their saints abound with stories of prodi- 
 gious things: some of which are ludicrous; as their St. 
 Swithin's making whole a basket full of eggs, by the sign 
 of the cross ; Patricius making the stolen sheep bleat in the 
 thief's belly after he had eaten it ; their St. Bridget's bacon, 
 which in great charity she gave to a hungry dog, and was, 
 after the dog had eaten it, restored again in her kettle. Of 
 the like nature is their story of St. Dunstan, who took the 
 devil by the nose with his tongs, till he made him roar* 
 Domini cus made him hold the candle till he burnt his fin- 
 gers ; Lapus imprisoned the devil in a pot all night ; a con- 
 secrated host being put into a hive of bees, to cure them of 
 the murrain, was so devoutly entertained, that the bees 
 built a chapel in the hive, with steeple and bells ; erected 
 an altar, and laid the host upon it, and sung their canoni- 
 cal hours like monks in a cloister.* — Vid. Bennet against 
 Popery. 
 
 * I suspect an error here— the bees built the chapel, but the drone* 
 performed mass. 
 
LACON. 385 
 
 the letter of his author, who can follow him to the 
 height of his compass, and while he sympathizes 
 with every brilliant power, and genuine passion of 
 the poet, is not so far carried out of himself as to 
 indulge his admiration at the expense of his judg- 
 ment, but who can afford us the double pleasure 
 of being first pleased with his author, and secondly 
 with himself, for having given us such just and 
 incontrovertible reasons for our approbation. When 
 death deprived the house of commons of the talents 
 of Charles Fox, I conceive he did not leave behind 
 him a more elegant classic in all that enlightened 
 body. I once heard him say, that he was so idle 
 at Eton, that he verily believed he should have 
 made but little comparative progress in the Greek 
 language, had it not been for the intense pleasure 
 he received on his first taking up Longinus. * It 
 was lucky for me,' he would say, ' that I did not then 
 know where to procure an English translation, and 
 I never quitted him until I could read him with 
 such facility as to derive more pleasure from his 
 emarks upon Homer, than from the poet himself.' 
 Dn mentioning this circumstance to an old Etonian, 
 ie confirmed it by the following anecdote : he said 
 ,hat on one occasion, by a wilful kind of mistake, 
 Fox took his favourite Longinus, a book above his 
 slass, into the school-room, and it happened rather 
 anluckily, that he was called upon to go through a 
 portion of some other author appropriated to that 
 day ; he was not a little puzzled, and the master 
 perceived his embarrassment — l What book have 
 you got there, sir V said he ; f hand it to me.' On 
 perceiving that it was a Greek copy of Longinus, 
 * Sir,' said the master, ' I shall punish you severely 
 for having neglected to bring the right book, unless 
 33 
 
J86 LAC ON. 
 
 you can immediately construe and parse this page 
 in the author you have thought proper to choose 
 for yourself/ picking out at the same time one of 
 the most difficult passages in the volume. The 
 man was never less at loss in answering Pitt, 
 than was the boy on this occasion, in accepting the 
 challenge of the master, to the astonishment of 
 whom, no less than of his school-fellows, he accom- 
 plished off-hand the task imposed npon him, ren- 
 dering the passage into English, not at all unworthy 
 of the eloquence of the original, ' Who was himself 
 the great sublime he drew.' But, to revert to the 
 subject, criticism written in the style of Longinus, 
 must ever be extremely rare, until great genius be 
 extremely common. There is indeed another kind 
 of criticism, which will never be rare, because it 
 requires only labour and attention ; I mean that 
 which is principally confined to dates, facts, chro- 
 nologies, niceties of grammar, and quantities of 
 prosody ; a criticism conversant with words, rather 
 than things, and with the letter, rather than the 
 spirit. A style of criticism, like that of him who, 
 when all the world were enraptured by a Ceres of 
 Raphael, discovered that the knot in the wheat- 
 sheaf was not tied as a reaper would have tied it. 
 To be a mere verbal critic, is what no man of 
 genius would be, if he could ; but to be a critic of 
 true taste and feeling, is what no man without 
 genius could be, if he would. Could Johnson have 
 had less prejudice, Addison more profundity, or 
 Dryden more time, they would have been well 
 qualified for the arduous office of a critic. Mate- 
 rials for a good critic, might be found in the three 
 since each had many of the requisites, but neithei 
 of them all. As to the three great names of 
 
L A C O N . 387 
 
 Bentley, Porson, and Parr, they came nearer to 
 our purpose, but have not fully accomplished all 
 that we want Bentley united two things that 
 were very incompatible, dogmatism and whim, and 
 was at the same time both conjectural and dicta- 
 torial ; he often substituted creation for correction, 
 invented where he ought rather to have investi- 
 gated, and gave us what ne conceived his author 
 should have said, rather than what he did say. 
 Porson was too cold and costive in his approbation, 
 and too microscopical in his views, for the perfect 
 critic, being more occupied about the syllables, 
 than the sense, with the counters of knowledge, 
 rather than knowledge itself. His temper, too, 
 was not sufficiently placid for his mission, which 
 required more patience than that of Job, and 
 more meekness than that of Moses. He was too 
 apt not only to quit the game, but to do so in order 
 to worry some mongrels of his own pack, who 
 were at fault from having overrun the scent. He 
 took his Greek, as some persons take their snuff, 
 that is, he not only stuffed his head with it almost 
 to suffocation, but his pockets as well,* and not 
 
 * Porson was once travelling in a stage-coach, when a 
 young Oxonian, fresh from college, was amusing the ladies 
 with a variety of talk, and, amongst other things, with a 
 quotation, as he said, from Sophocles. A Greek quota- 
 tion, and in a coach too I roused our slumbering professor 
 from a kind of dog-sleep, in a snug corner of the vehicle ; 
 — shaking his ears and rubbing his eyes, ' I think, young 
 gentleman,' said he, 'you favoured us just now with a 
 quotation from Sophocles ; T do not happen to recollect it 
 there.' ' Oh, sir,' replied our tyro, ' the quotation is word 
 for word as I have repeated it, and in Sophocles, too; but 
 I suspect, sir, it is some time since you were at college,' 
 The professor, applying his hand to his greatcoat, and 
 taking out a small pocket edition of Sophocles, quietly asked 
 
388 LACON. 
 
 without occasionally bespattering his neighbours 
 with the superfluity. As to Doctor Parr, fortu- 
 
 him if he would be kind enough to show him the passage 
 in question, in that little book. After rummaging the pages 
 for some time, he replied : c Upon second thoughts, I now 
 recollect that the passage is in Euripides.' ' Then perhaps, 
 sir,' said the professor, putting his hand into his pocket, and 
 handing him a similar edition of Euripides, ' you will be 
 so good as to find it for me, in that little book.' The young 
 Oxonian returned again to his task, but with no better suc- 
 cess, muttering, however, to himself, ' Curse me if ever 1 
 quote Greek again in a coach? The tittering of the ladies 
 informed him that he was got into a hobble. At last, ' Bless 
 me, sir,' said he, ' how dull I am ; I recollect now, yes, 
 yes, I perfectly remember that the passage is in iEschylus.' 
 The inexorable professor returned again to his inexhaust- 
 ible pocket, and was in the act of handing him an iEschy- 
 3 us, when our astonished freshman vociferated : ' Stop the 
 coach — halloa, coachman, let me out, I say, instantly — let 
 me out ! there's a fellow here has got the whole Bodleian 
 library in his pocket ; let me out, I s^y — let me out ; he 
 must be Porson or the devil !' 
 
 I wish to make some observations on anecdotes, and I 
 think I may as well take this opportunity as another. Im- 
 primis, I am not so particular about their originality, as 
 their application. If an anecdote comes across my mind, 
 which tends to the support of any argument or proposition 
 I am advancing, I hesitate not to adduce it. There are 
 no anecdotes in these pages that will be new to all my read- 
 ers, and perhaps there are none but maybe new to some 
 of them. — Those to whom any anecdote is old, will not be 
 offended, if it be well applied ; and those to whom it may 
 be new, will receive the double pleasure of novelty and ot 
 illustration. — In fact,there are only two modes by which an 
 anecdote can be perfectly original; the parties who relatf 
 it, must either have heard it from, or made it for the prin 
 'Jpals. Anecdotes, like the air, are private property onlj 
 so long as they are kept in ; the instant the one is told, o; 
 the other liberated, they are common stock. But the prur 
 cipal reason that has induced me to intersperse these page; 
 with anecdotes, is to tempt young minds to a higher an<* 
 more intellectual kind of reading. If they read a book oi 
 such subjects as mine, they must think, at least, before they 
 
LAC ON. 389 
 
 nately for the interests of literature, he is still alive, 
 and may, if he please, remove the principal objec- 
 
 differ with the author, and this is one of the most exalted, 
 noble, yet rare employments of man. But a volume that 
 compels a reader to think, will not be his favourite at first, 
 although it is sure to become so in the end. It is on this 
 account I have occasionally attempted to lead on young 
 minds by anecdotes ; they will, in all probability, be new 
 to them, and I have endeavoured so to write them, that he 
 that runs may read, and he that reads may understand. 
 There are two classes of people that profit little by read- 
 ing, those that are very wise, and those that are very fool- 
 ish: I cannot presume to inform the one, and I cannot hope 
 to improve the other. I have, therefore, attempted to make 
 Lacon an intelligible book, capable of doing some good to 
 that valuable class of the community who have other things 
 to do, as well as to read, and who, when they snatch a few 
 hours from their occupations, to devote to literary pursuits, 
 must necessarily prefer that author who gives them the 
 most knowledge, and takes from them the least time. An 
 era is fast approaching, when no writer will be read by the 
 great majority, save and except those who can effect that 
 for bales of manuscript, that the hydrostatic screw per- 
 forms for bales of cotton, by condensing that matter into a 
 period that before occupied a page ; celebrity will be 
 awarded to no pen that cannot imitate the pugilist, in three 
 essentials— -that of hitting hard, and sharp, and at short 
 distances. 
 
 Let a man of common sense, having read an author with 
 some attention, lay down the book, and then ask himself 
 this question : What has this writer told me that is really 
 new — true, clear, and convincing, and which I did not 
 know before 1 He will generally find that he may put all 
 this down in a very small compass, and that the task may 
 be performed, even by the most busy, without the help of 
 an amanuensis. Literary characters, indeed, who are con- 
 stantly on the hunt for interesting anecdotes, will no doubt 
 recognise many of mine as old acquaintances ; but such 
 characters are not numerous ; and I see no reason why 
 that which amuses, and also instructs, should be monopo-- 
 lized by any class, and particularly by a small one ; as 
 Whitefield, when he set divine psalms to airs that were 
 profane, did so, because he could not see whv the de^il 
 33* 
 
390 L A C O N . 
 
 tion that can justly be brought against his pen, Dy 
 using it more often ; the quality is so good, we 
 more deeply regret the smallness of the quantity, 
 * verbum sapienti sat. 9 
 
 should have all the best tunes, so neither can I conceive 
 why all the best stories should be confined to the literati, 
 who, by the by, are not a whit better able to enjoy them than 
 the unlearned, since their common sense is often deficient, 
 precisely in proportion to their possession of that which is 
 not so ; in which case we might apply the repartee of Des 
 Cartes, to a certain marquis who had animadverted rather 
 liberally on the philosopher's indulging himself in the lux 
 ixries of the table: — ' W7iat, sir, do you think Providence 
 made good things only for fools V 
 
 To finish this gossiping and rambling note, tedious to my 
 readers, and particularly tiresome to him that writes it, be- 
 cause it is on himself, I shall merely add one more obser- 
 vation. In such a variety of remarks, and multiplicity of 
 propositions, which a work of the nature of Lacon must 
 necessarily involve, repetition will be a rock which it will 
 be somewhat difficult wholly to avoid. On a comparison 
 however, of passages apparently similar, the candid reader 
 will, I think, perceive a difference, 
 
 l fades non omnibus una, 
 
 Nee diver sa tamen, qualem decetesse serorum.'* 
 
 If, like modern physicians, I sometimes vary my pre- 
 scriptions, it is for the same reason that they do : — ' to give 
 the disorder an opportunity of choosing for itself 
 
 But to return to Porson. In the notes of Hypocrisy, I 
 have mentioned a curious fact, with respect to this learned 
 professor. After death, his head was dissected, and to the 
 confusion of all craniologists, but to the consolation of all 
 blockheads, it was discovered that he had the thickest scull 
 of any professor in Europe. Professor Gall, on being called 
 upon to explain this phenomenon, and to reconcile so tena- 
 cious a memory with so thick a receptacle for it, is said 
 to have replied : ' How the ideas got into such a scull, is 
 their business, not mine ; I have nothing to do with that : 
 but let them once get in — that is all I want ; once in, I defy 
 them ever to get out again.' 
 
 Not the same face they wear, 
 
 Nor traits unlike, but such as sisters share.— Pub 
 
LAOON, 39! 
 
 Gibbon, sitting in an elegant apartment, quaffing 
 noyeau, and talking infidelity, was cautioned as to 
 the danger which such doctrines might bring upon 
 society. ' Sir,' said the historian, • the doctrines 
 we are now discussing, are not unlike the liquor 
 we are drinldng; — safe, pleasant, and exhilarating 
 to you and me, that know how to use, without 
 abusing them ; but dangerous, deleterious, and 
 intoxicating, if either were broached in the open 
 streets, and exposed to the discretion of the mob V 
 With two such strong reasons against their con- 
 tinuing upright members of society, I think we 
 might agree with Gibbon, that it would be hazard- 
 ous to answer either for their heads or their hearts. 
 But our philosophical historian w T as no philosopher 
 here ; the bars and the bolts that were efficient in 
 confining his drams, were perfectly nugatory in 
 restricting his doctrines ; they were too volatile for 
 such an imprisonment. In fact, it will be possible 
 to have one set of opinions for the high, and 
 another for the low, only when they cease to see 
 by the same sun, to respire by the same air, and 
 to feel by the same sensorium. For opinions, like 
 showers, are generated in high places, but they 
 invariably descend into lower ones, and ultimately 
 flow down to the people, as the rain unto the sea 
 
 An author of talent and genius must not hope 
 that the plodding manufacturers of dullness will 
 admire him; it is expecting too much ; they cannot 
 admire him, without first despising themselves. 
 When I look out of my window, and see what a 
 motley mob it is, high and low, mounted and pedes- 
 trian, that an author is ambitious to please, I am 
 ashamed of myself, for feeling the slightest anxiety 
 
392 L A C O N . 
 
 as to the verdict of such a tribunal. When I leave 
 this class of judges, for that which aspires to be 
 more intellectual, I then indeed feel somewhat more 
 ground for anxiety, but less for hope : for in this 
 court I find that my judges have their claims and 
 pretensions no less than myself; pretensions that 
 are neither so low as to be despised, nor so high 
 as to be above all danger of suffering by competi- 
 tion. So small indeed is the fountain of fame, and 
 so numerous the applicants, that it is often ren- 
 dered turbid by the struggles of those very claim- 
 ants who have the least chance of partaking of the 
 stream, but whose thirst is not at all diminished by 
 any sense of their un worthiness. 
 
 The power of love consists mainly in the privilege 
 that potentate possesses of coining, circulating, and 
 making current those falsehoods between man and 
 woman, that would not pass for one moment, either 
 between woman and woman, or man and man. 
 
 Men, by associating in large masses, as in camps 
 and in cities, improve their talents, but impair 
 their virtues, and strengthen their minds, bui 
 weaken their morals ; thus a retrocession in the 
 one, is too often the price they pay for a refinement 
 in the other. 
 
 We are more inclined to hate one another for 
 points on which we differ, than to love one another 
 for points on which we agree. The reason per- 
 haps is this: when we find others that agree with 
 us, we seldom trouble ourselves to confirm that 
 agreement ; but when we chance on those that 
 differ with us, we are zealous both to convince, and 
 
L A C O N . 393 
 
 to convert diem. Our pride is hurt by the failure, 
 and disappointed pride engenders hatred. This 
 reflection is strengthened by two circumstances 
 observable in man; first, that the most zealous 
 converters are always the most rancorous, when 
 they fail of producing conviction ; but when they 
 succeed, they love their new disciples far better 
 than those whose establishment in the faith neither 
 excited their zeal to the combat, nor rewarded their 
 prowess with a victory. Priestley owed much of 
 the virulence with which he was attacked, to the 
 circumstance of his agreeing partly with every 
 body, but entirely with nobody. J.n politics, as in 
 philosophy ; in literature, as in religion ; below the 
 surface in hydrostatics, or above it in pneumatics ; 
 his track might still be traced by the host of assail- 
 ants that pursued it ; and, like the flying-fish, he 
 had no sooner escaped one enemy in the water, 
 than he had to encounter another in the air. 
 
 Who are the least proper to hold this, or to have 
 that ; to preside here, or advise there ; to be absent 
 from this place, or present at that 1 Generally 
 speaking, those are the least proper to obtain these 
 ends, who most desire them. Who desires to hold 
 preferment more than the professing pluralist, or to 
 have place, more than the pretended patriot ; and 
 who deserves them less ? Who wishes to preside 
 at the senate more than the sycophant, or to advise 
 at the council more than the knave 1 Who wishes 
 to be absent from the trial more than the criminal, 
 or to be present at the plunder more than the thief ? 
 For that wealth, power, or influence, which are 
 desired only that they may be properly applied and 
 exerted, are not usually those which are most vehe 
 
394 
 
 LA CON. 
 
 
 
 mently desired ; since such an application of them 
 cannot be a profitable task, but must be a trouble- 
 some, and may be a thankless one. Therefore, 
 when we see a man denying himself the common 
 comforts of life, passing restless days and sleep- 
 less nights, in order to compass something where 
 the public good is the apparent motive, we may 
 always venture to pause a little, just to considei 
 whether private good may not be the real end. 
 
 None know the full extent of present hate but 
 those who have achieved that which will ensure 
 the highest meed of future admiration. 
 
 If a man be sincerely wedded to truth, he must 
 make up his mind to find her a portionless virgin, 
 and he must take her for herself alone. The con- 
 tract, too, must be to love, cherish, and obey her, not 
 only until death, but beyond it : for this is a union 
 that must survive not only death, but time, the 
 conqueror of death. The adorer of truth, there- 
 fore, is above all present things — firm in the midst 
 of temptation, and frank in the midst of treachery ; 
 he will be attacked by those who have prejudices, 
 simply because he is without them ; decried as a 
 bad bargain by all who want to purchase, because 
 he alone is not to be bought ; and abused by all par- 
 ties, becaus-e he is the advocate of none ; like the 
 dolphin, which is always painted more crooked than 
 a ram's horn, although every naturalist knows 
 that it is the straightest fish that swims. 
 
 A prodigal starts with ten thousand pounds, and 
 dies worth nothing ; a miser starts with nothing, 
 and dies worth ten thousand pounds. It has been 
 
LACON. 395 
 
 asked, which has had the best of it ? I should pre- 
 sume the prodigal : he has spent a fortune, but the 
 miser has only left one ; — he has lived rich, to die 
 poor *, the miser has lived poor, to die rich ; and if 
 the prodigal quits life in debt to others, the miser 
 quits it, still deeper in debt to himself. 
 
 That time and labour are worse than useless that 
 have been occupied in laying up treasures of false 
 knowledge, which it will one day be necessary to 
 unlearn, and in storing up mistaken ideas, which 
 we must hereafter remember to forget. Timotheus, 
 an ancient teacher of rhetoric, always demanded a 
 double fee from those pupils who had been instructed 
 by others ; for in this case, he had not only to plant 
 in, but also to root out. 
 
 Genius, in one respect, is like gold : numbers of 
 persons are constantly writing about both, who have 
 neither. The mystifications of metaphysics, and 
 the quackeries of craniology, may be combined 
 and conglomerated without end and without limit, 
 in a vain attempt to enable common sense to grasp 
 and to comprehend the causes of genius, or the 
 modes of their operation. Neither are men of 
 genius themselves one jot better able to give us a 
 satisfactory solution of the springs and sources of 
 their own powers, than other men. The plain, 
 unvarnished fact, after all that may be said or sung 
 about it, is this : that genius, in one gr^d particu- 
 lar, is like life — we know nothing of either but by 
 their effects. It is highly probable that genius* 
 
 * There is so much of true genius and poetic feeling of 
 the highest order, in the following stanzas, that I cannot 
 withstand the temptation of enriching my barren pages with 
 
396 
 
 L ACON. 
 
 may exist, under every sun and every sky, like 
 moss, and with as many varieties ; but it may have 
 been more fully developed in some situations than 
 in others. The fogs of Iceland, however, have 
 been warmed by poetry, and those of Holland by 
 
 so beautiful a gem. This ode of Dr. Leyden's, in my hum- 
 ble opinion, comes as near perfection as the sublunary 
 muse can arrive at, when assisted by a subject that is inter- 
 esting and an execution that is masterly. It adds a deeper 
 shade to that sympathy, which such lines must awaken, 
 to reflect that the spirit which dictated them has fled 
 
 ODE TO AN INDIAN GOLD COIN 
 
 WRITTEN IN CHERICAL, MALABAR. 
 
 Slave of the dark and dirty mine! 
 
 What vanity has brought thee here 'i 
 How can I love to see thee shine 
 
 So bright, whom I have bought so dear 1 
 
 The tent-ropes flapping lone I hear, 
 For twilight-converse, arm in arm ; 
 
 The jackal's shriek bursts on my ear, 
 When mirth and music wont to charm. 
 
 By Chcrical's dark wandering streams, 
 Where cane- tufts shadow all the wild, 
 
 Sweet visions haunt my waking dreams, 
 Of Teviot loved while still a child — 
 Of castled rocks, stupendous piled, 
 
 By Esk or Eden's classic wave ; 
 Where loves of youth and friendship smiled, 
 
 Uncursed by thee, vile yellow slave! 
 
 Fade, daydreams sweet, from memory fade !— 
 
 *?*& perish'd bliss of youth's first prime, 
 That once so bright on fancy play'd, 
 
 Revives no more in aftertime. 
 
 Far from my sacred natal clime, 
 I haste to an untimely grave ; 
 
 The daring thoughts, that soar'd sublime, 
 Are sunk in ocean's southern wave. 
 
L A C O JN . 397 
 
 wit : — * Vervecum %n patria, crassoque sub acre nascx 
 iiigenium?* If, indeed, any inferior power can have 
 the slighest influence on genius, which is itself the 
 essence of power, if aught which is of earth can 
 control that which is of heaven, this influence must 
 be looked for, not in soils, nor suns, nor climates, 
 but in social institutions, and in the modes and forms 
 of governments. The Jews have been much the 
 same in all periods, and are the same in all places, 
 because their social institutions are the same. Look 
 also at Greece and at Italy, two countries the most 
 ailducible, inasmuch as they have been the most 
 
 Slave of the mine ! thy yellow light, 
 
 Gleams baleful as the tomb- lire drear ; 
 A gentle vision comes by night 
 
 My lonely, widow'd heart to cheer. 
 
 Her eyes are dim with many a tear, 
 That once were guiding-stars to mine 
 
 Her fond heart throbs with many a fear— 
 I cannot bear to see thee shine. 
 
 For thee, for thee, vile yellow slave, 
 
 I left a heart that loved me true ; 
 I cross'd the tedious ocean-wave, 
 
 To roam in climes unknown and new. 
 
 The cold wind of the stranger blew 
 Chill on my wither'd heart : — the grave, 
 
 Dark and untimely, met my view — 
 And all for thee, vile yellow slave ! 
 
 Ha ! comest thou now so late to mock 
 
 A wanderer's banish'd heart forlorn ; 
 Now that his frame the lightning shock 
 
 Of sun-rays tipt with death, has borne? 
 
 From love, from friendship, country torn, 
 To memory's fond regrets the prey ! 
 
 Vile slave, thy yellow dross I scorn ; — 
 Go mix thee with thy kindred clay. 
 
 * Genius may exist in a rustic land, under a dull atmos- 
 phere. — Pub. 
 
 34 
 
398 L A C O N . 
 
 highly favoured with talent. The bee and the 
 nightingale, the olive and the grape, remain. becauso 
 the climate is the same ; but where are the Gre- 
 cians ? where are the Romans ? the governments 
 and the institutions are changed, and with them the 
 men. Freedom is not indeed the mother, but she 
 is the nurse of genius, giving scope to its aspirings 
 confidence to its darings, and efficiency to its 
 strength. As to those causes that may have been 
 supposed to impart any particular bias or scope to 
 genius, no sooner have we laid down some general 
 rule on this head, than a thousand exceptions rush 
 in to overturn it. If we affirm with Johnson, that 
 genius is general power, accidentally determined to 
 some particular direction, this may be true of the 
 ten, but false of the ninety. Paley and Adam 
 Smith have declared their total incapacity, with 
 regard to all works of fiction, fancy, or imagina- 
 tion ; and had Mr. Locke indulged in poetry, it is 
 probable he would have failed more lamentably than 
 Pope, when he dabbled in metaphysics. Such 
 characters as Crichton and Mirandola, on the con- 
 trary, would seem to support the theory of Dr. 
 Johnson, and go to prove that extension is not 
 always purchased at the price of profundity. 
 Shakspeare possessed a universality of talent that 
 would have enabled him to accomplish any thing. 
 
 1 To form one perfect whole, in him conspire 
 The painter's pencil, and the minstrel's lyre, 
 The wisdom of the sage, and prophet's hallowed hre. 
 
 Neither can we lay down any certain rule for 
 genius, as regards the period of its development. 
 Some have gone into the vineyard at the third 
 hour, and some at the ninth ; some, like the Nile 
 have been mean and obscure in their source, but 
 
L A C O N . 309 
 
 like that mighty river, majestic in their progress 
 with a stream both grand and fertile, have enriched 
 the nations, rolling on with accumulated magnifi- 
 cence, to the ocean of eternity. Others again 
 there are, who seem to have adopted the motto of 
 Caesar for their career, and who have burst upon 
 us from the depth of obscurity, as the lightning 
 from the bosom of the cloud. Their energy has 
 been equalled only by their brilliancy, and like 
 that bolt of heaven to which I have compared 
 them, they have shivered all opposition with a 
 strength that obstacle served only to awaken, and 
 resistance to augment. 
 
 * Blind, and denied the gross corporeal light, 
 Their intellectual eye but shone more bright, 
 Strength in disease they found, and radiance in night.' 
 See Hypocrisij — Character of Milton. 
 
 Doctor Johnson observed of the ancient Ro- 
 mans, ' that when poor, they robbed others, and 
 when rich, themselves.' This remark ought not to 
 have been confined to that people only, for it is 
 more or less applicable to all. Persecution, too, 
 has been analogous in one respect to plunder, hav- 
 ing been at all times both inflicted and endured, as 
 circumstances might serve. When the conquered 
 happened to have become in their turn the conquer- 
 ors, it is not the persecution that has been crushed, 
 but the persecutors that have been changed $ so 
 long has it taken mankind to learn this plain and 
 precious truth, that it is easier to find a thousand 
 reasons why men should differ in opinion, than one 
 why they should fight* about them. Persecution 
 
 * I shall quote here, for obvious reasons, the morning 
 prayer of the celebrated Dr. Franklin : — 
 
400 LAC ON. 
 
 has been the vice of times that are past, may be 
 the vice of times that are present, but cannot be 
 the vice of times that are to come, although we 
 have already witnessed some events in the yeai 
 eighteen hundred and twenty-one, that would lead 
 us to suspect that centuries take a much longer 
 time to arrive at years of discretion, than men. In 
 Booth's review of the ancient constitutions of 
 Greece and of Rome, there is a passage that 
 expresses what I have to say in the happiest man- 
 ner : — 
 
 *■ It thus appears that the constitutions of anti- 
 quity were as inimical to religious freedom, as the 
 worst of the governments of modern Europe ; and 
 that conformity of opinion on the causes of the 
 universe, has at no time been obtained, except by 
 the assistance of penal statutes. An absolute free- 
 dom in religious discussions has never yet existed, 
 in any age or country. It is one of the dreams of 
 the new philosophy. The superstition of the Lace- 
 demonians prohibited all inquiry on the subject of 
 religion, but was of little advantage to morality. 
 The Spartan ladies celebrated their nightly orgies ; 
 and the warriors, who every evening during their 
 expeditions, sung hymns in concert, to the honour 
 of the gods, were ready, without remorse, to join 
 in the cryptia, or massacre of their slaves. The 
 religion of Athens was interwoven with its consti- 
 tution, and the lives of iEschylus, Anaxagoras, 
 
 'O powerful Goodness, bountiful Father, merciful Guide! 
 increase in me that wisdom which discovers my truest 
 interest, strengthen my resolution to perform what that 
 wisdom dictates, accept my kind offices to thy other crea« 
 lures as the only return in my power for thy continued 
 fe^nurs to me.' 
 
LA CON. 401 
 
 Diagoras, Protagoras, Prodicus, Socrates, and 
 Alcibiades, demonstrated that neither genius, learn- 
 ing, courage, nor the softer virtues, uncombined 
 with the superstition of the age, could screen theii 
 possessors from the persecutions of an implacable 
 priesthood. 
 
 * Among the Romans, too, it was toleration, not 
 freedom ; and even toleration itself was refused to 
 the citizens of Rome. It was in vain, however, 
 that those mighty masters of the world thus en- 
 deavoured to fetter the transmission of thought, and 
 to fix the religion of the human race. Man, though 
 individually confined to a narrow spot of this globe, 
 and limited in his existence to a few courses of 
 the sun, has nevertheless an imagination which no 
 despotism can control, and which unceasingly seeks 
 for the author of his destiny, through the immensity 
 of space and the ever-rolling current of ages. — The 
 petty legislators of the hour threaten with their thun- 
 ders, as if they were the gods of this lower world, 
 and issue their mandates that a boundary shall be 
 drawn round the energies of mind. ' Hitherto 
 shalt thou come, and no farther !' Such is the fiat •, 
 but it is as useless as that which would restrain the 
 waves of the ocean. — Time, who successively con- 
 signs to oblivion the everchanging governments 
 and religions of men. now sits over the ruins of 
 those proud and boasted republics. Time, the 
 eldest of the gods of Greece and Rome, has seen 
 Olympus despoiled of its deities, and their tem- 
 ples crumbled into dust. But, amid those mighty 
 revolutions, religion has survived the wreck. Man, 
 never ceasing to look for happiness in the heavens, 
 has raised other structures for his devotion, under 
 the symbols of the crescent and the cross !' 
 34* 
 
402 LACON. 
 
 Tl b distinguishing peculiarity and most valuable 
 chare cteristic of the diamond, is the power it pos 
 sesses of refracting and reflecting the prismatic 
 colours ; this property it is that gives fire, life, and 
 brilliancy to the diamond. Other stones reflect 
 the light as they receive it, bright in proportion to 
 their own transparency, but always colourless ; and 
 the ray comes out as it went in. What the dia- 
 mond effects as to the natural light, genius performs 
 as to that which is intellectual ; it can refract and 
 reflect the surrounding rays elicited by the minds 
 of others, and can divide and arrange them with 
 such precision and elegance, that they are returned 
 indeed, not as they were received, dull, spiritless, 
 and monotonous, but full of fire, lustre, and life. 
 We might also add, that the light of other minds is 
 as necessary to the play and development of genius 
 as the light of other bodies is to the play and 
 radiation of the diamond. A diamond, incarcerated 
 in its subterraneous prison, rough and unpolished, 
 differs not from a common stone ; and a Newton or 
 a Shakspeare, deprived of kindred minds, and born 
 amongst savages — savages had died. 
 
 In literature, our taste will be discovered by that 
 which we give, and our judgment by that which we 
 withhold. 
 
 He that shortens the road to knowledge, length- 
 ens life ; and we are all of us more indebted than 
 we believe we are, to that class of writers whom 
 Johnson termed the 'pioneers of literature, doomed 
 to clear away the dirt and the rubbish for those 
 heroes who press on to honour and to victory, 
 
LACON, 403 
 
 without deigning to bestow a single smile on the 
 humble ilrudge that facilitates their progress.' 
 
 Self-love, in spite of all that has been said 
 against it, performs divers necessary offices in the 
 drama of life, and like friction in mechanics, is not 
 without its compensations of good. Self-pride is 
 the eldest daughter of self-love, and this it is that 
 consoles us on many occasions, and exhilarates us 
 on more ; it lends a spring to our joys and a pillow 
 to our pains ; it heightens the zest of our percep- 
 tions and softens the asperity of our repulse ; and 
 it is not until this is mortally wounded within us, 
 that the spirit to endure expires. This self-pride 
 is the common friend of our humanity, and like 
 the bell of our church, is resorted to on all occa- 
 sions; it ministers alike to our festivals or our 
 feasts ; our merriment or our mourning ; our weal 
 or our wo. 
 
 Laws that are too severe, are temptations to 
 plunder on the part of the criminal, and to perjury 
 on the part of the prosecutor ; since he would 
 rather burden his conscience with a false oath 
 than with a true one, which would arm cruelty to 
 kill, in the garb of justice. Such laws, therefore, 
 reverse the natural order of things, transferring the 
 indignation of public feeling, which ought to follow 
 the criminal, to the ferocity of that sentence by 
 which he is to suffer, and taking from legislation 
 its main support, the sympathy of public esteem 
 and approbation ; for the victim to too severe a 
 law is considered as a martyr, rather than a crimi- 
 nal, and that which we pity, we cannot at the same 
 time detest* But there is, if possible, a stronger 
 
404 LACON 
 
 objection against such laws ; they open a door to 
 all kinds of favouritism and partiality, for they 
 afford the executive a power of pardoning a friend, 
 under the pretext of mercy ; or of destroying a foe, 
 with the forms of justice. A law of this nature 
 may be compared to a mastiff, that is so ferocious 
 that he is never suffered to be let loose, and which 
 is no terror to the depredator, because it is known 
 that he is constantly chained. Hence it happens 
 that we often witness the jury, and even the judge 
 in a criminal process, resorting to falsehood and 
 contradiction, from an amiable determination to 
 adhere to that which is merciful, rather than that 
 which is legal, and compelling themselves to con- 
 sider even perjury and prevarication as matters of 
 lesser weight and moment, when the life of a fei 
 low-creature is put into the scale against them. 
 The fault is in the system, not in the men ; and 
 there is one motto, that ought to be put at the 
 head of our penal code, ' summum jus summa inju- 
 ria* A law overcharged with severity, like a 
 blunderbuss overloaded with powder, will each of 
 them grow rusty by disuse, and neither will be 
 resorted to, from the shock and the recoil that 
 must inevitably follow their explosion. 
 
 Nothing more completely baffles one who is full 
 of trick and duplicity himself, than straight-forward 
 and simple integrity in another. A knave would 
 rather quarrel with a brother knave than with a 
 fool, but he would rather avoid a quarrel with one 
 honest man, than with both. He can combat a 
 fool by management and address, and he can con- 
 
 * The extreme of law is the extrem-e of injustice. — Pub. 
 
 i 
 
LAC ON. 405 
 
 quer a knave by temptations. But the honest man 
 is neither to be bamboozled nor bribed. There- 
 fore the knave has to combat here with something 
 quite out of his calculation ; for his creed is, that 
 the world is a market, where every thing is to be 
 bought, and also to be sold ; and it is unfortunate 
 that he has such good reasons for so bad a faith ; 
 he himself is ready either to buy or to sell, but he 
 has now to do with something that is neither, and 
 he is staggered and thrown off his guard, when 
 opposed to that inflexible honesty, which he has 
 read of perhaps in a book, but never expected to 
 see realized in a man. It is a new case in his 
 record, a serious item not cast up in his accounts, 
 although it makes the balance tremendously heavy 
 against him. Here he can propose nothing that 
 will be acceded to, he can offer nothing that will 
 be received. He is as much out of his reckoning, 
 as a man who, being in want of jewels, should 
 repair to the diamond-mart, with five pounds in his 
 pocket ; he has nothing to give as an equivalent, 
 he exposes his paltry wares of yellow dust, or 
 dirty trick, and fancies that he can barter such 
 trash for the precious pearls of principle and of 
 honour, with those who know the value of the one 
 and the vileness of the other. Napoleon was a 
 notorious dupe to his false conceptions on this 
 subject ; inflexible integrity was an article that he 
 neither found in himself, nor calculated upon in 
 another. He had three modes of managing men : 
 force, fraud, and corruption. A true disciple of 
 Machiavelli, he could not read what was not in his 
 book. But when he was opposed. to a British force ; 
 he found out his mistake, and his two omnipotent 
 metals proved false divinities here. He bad to 
 
406 
 
 LAC ON. 
 
 contend with those whom he could neither bea 
 with his iron, nor bribe with his gold; whom he 
 could not attack without being overcome, nor run 
 from without being overtaken. 
 
 Religion* has treated knowledge sometimes as 
 an enemy, sometimes as an hostage ; often as a 
 captive, and more often as a child ; but knowledge 
 has become of age ; and religion must either re- 
 nounce her acquaintance, or introduce her as a 
 companion and respect her as a friend. 
 
 He that undertakes a long march should not 
 have tight shoes, nor he that undertakes great 
 measures, tight manacles. In order to save all, it 
 is sometimes necessary to risk all; to risk less, 
 would be to lose the whole, since half would be 
 swallowed up by those who have deserted us and 
 the other half by those who have defeated us. 
 The Marquis of Wellesley doubled the resources 
 
 *' *I do most particularly except from the observations 
 above, that religion which has been justly termed the re- 
 formed ; for the reformation was a glorious and practical 
 assent to my position, that ' knowledge has become of age? 
 While the Christian looks to this faith chiefly as a future 
 good, even the skeptic should befriend it as a present good, 
 and the sound philosopher as both. I shall finish this note 
 by a splendid quotation from Sir William Drummond, 
 who began by going to the skies for skepticism, and finished 
 by making a pilgrimage to Rome, not to establish hrs faith 
 but his infidelity. ' Re that will not reason is a bigot y he 
 that cannot reason is a fool, and he that dares not reason zs a 
 slave.' This passage is taken from his preface ; an effort 
 so superior to his book, that one wonders how the two could 
 have come together. I have, however, heard such a union 
 accounted for, bv an observation that the match was per 
 fectly legal, because they wt re not of kin. 
 
LACON. 407 
 
 of India, but there was a time when his Leaden- 
 hall* directors fancied that they foresaw, in the 
 expense of his equipment, bankruptcy and ruin. 
 They sent him a long letter of remonstrance ; 
 1 Verbosa et grandis epistola venit a Capreis.'i He 
 
 ♦ These gentlemen, by way of postscript to the letter al- 
 luded to above, settled eight thousand pounds per annum 
 on the marquis for life. On another occasion, they gave 
 Lord Cornwallis one hundred thousand pounds, and free- 
 dom of the city in the grocers' company, and on the same 
 day they gave the freedom of the city to Sir William Mead- 
 ows, and made him also a grocer, but forgot to give him 
 a single sous to set up shop. It was thought that Sir Wil- 
 liam was hardly dealt with, considering his services, which 
 had been successful and splendid, and his epigram appear- 
 ed on the occasion, addressed from Sir William to Lord 
 Cornwallis : — 
 
 * From Leaden-hail the news is come, 
 
 That we must grocers be ; 
 To you, my lad, they give a plum, 
 But not a fig for me.' 
 
 This brings to my mmd another epigram on a similar 
 occasion, but which I shall relate, as I think it has some- 
 thing more of point. Admiral Keppel underwent a trial 
 of court-martial at Liverpool, on the score of having shown 
 more prudence in a naval engagement than suited the views 
 of the party that opposed him, and which has been still more 
 eclipsed by the brilliancy of modern tactics. Burke assisted 
 him on his trial, and he was honourably acquitted. After 
 this acquittal, the freedom of the city of London was pre- 
 sented to him in a box of heart of "oak, and on the the same 
 day Rodney received the same compliment, in a box of 
 gold. Rodney was at that time known to be a little em- 
 barrassed in his afFairs, and the following epigram appeared 
 on the occasion : — 
 
 * Each favourite's defective *mrt, 
 
 Satiric cits you've told ; 
 For cautious Keppel wanted heart, 
 And gallant Rodney gold. 1 
 
 t A verbose and important letter came from Caprea. — Pob» 
 
408 LA CON, 
 
 sent back this truly laconic reply : i Gentlemen, 1 
 cannot govern kingdoms by the rule of three? 
 
 The great, perhaps the principal cause of that 
 delight we receive from a fine composition, whether 
 it be in prose* or in verse, I conceive to be this : 
 the marvellous and magic powers it confers upon 
 the reader ; enabling an inferior mind at one glance, 
 and almost without an effort, to seize, to embrace, 
 and to enjoy those remote combinations of wit, 
 melting harmonies of sound, and vigorous conden- 
 sations of sense, that cost a superior mind so much 
 perseverance, labour and time. And I think I am 
 supported in this proposition, by the fact, that our 
 admiration of fine writing, will always be in propor- 
 tion to its real difficulty, and its apparent ease. 
 And on the contrary, it is equally corroborative 
 of my statement, that any thing of confusion or 
 obscurity, creative of a pause in the electric 
 rapidity excited within us by genuine talent, 
 weakens in some sort its influence, and impedes 
 the full success of its power. 
 
 In comparing ourselves with those, our good 
 grandfathers and grandmothers, the ancients, we 
 
 * I am pqrsuaded that the iythm of prose is far more 
 difficult, and in much fewer hands than the harmony of 
 poetry. We have so many middling poets that we might 
 exclaim with Juvenal: — 
 
 Miserum est cum tot ubique 
 
 Vatibus occurras.'l 
 
 It most of them could be melted down into one sterling 
 writer of solid prose, their publishers and their readers- 
 would have less to complain of. 
 
 tit is a woful fete to meet every where so many miserable rhyme- 
 sters. Pun. 
 
LACON. 409 
 
 may fairly congratulate ourselves oa many superi- 
 orities , but in some things we are still in error, 
 and have rather changed than conquered our 
 delusions. For it is not a less destructive infatua- 
 tion, to flee good as an evil, than to follow evil as 
 a good ; to shun philosophy as folly, than to pursue 
 folly as philosophy ; to be surfeited by the vora- 
 cious credulities of blind confidence, than to be 
 starved by the barren perplexities of doubt. It is 
 a truism, that the same effects often proceed from 
 causes that are opposite ; for we are as liable to 
 be bewildered from having too many objects, as 
 from having none ; whether we explore the naked 
 desert of sand and of sterility, or the exuberant 
 wilderness of forest that none can clear and 
 thicket that none can penetrate. 
 
 Johnson said that wit consists in finding out 
 resemblances, and judgment, in discerning differ- 
 ences ; and as their provinces were so opposite, it 
 was natural that they should seldom coexist in the 
 same men. This position of Dr. Johnson, like many 
 more that came from his pen, sounds so much like 
 truth, that it will often pass for it. But he seems to 
 have overlooked the fact, that in deciding on things 
 that differ, we exercise the very same powers that 
 are called out in determining on things that resem- 
 ble. Thus, in comparing the merits of a picture, 
 as regards its faithfulness to the original, he would 
 give a very false account of it who should declare 
 it to be a perfect likeness, because the one feature 
 was correct, while all the others were dissimilar. 
 But this can never happen, because the same 
 h rumen that discovers to us the closeness of one 
 35 
 
410 
 
 LAC ON. 
 
 
 feature to the original, shows us also the discord- 
 ancy of all the others. But the direct pioof that 
 Johnson was wrong is this : there happens to 
 have been quite as much wit exercised in finding 
 out things that differ, as in hitting upon those that 
 resemble. Sheridan once observed of a certain 
 speech, that all its facts were invention, and all 
 its wit, memory ; two more brilliant, yet brief dis- 
 tinctions, perhaps were never made. Mr. Pitt com- 
 pared the constant opposition of Sheridan to an 
 eternal drag-chain, clogging all the wheels, retard- 
 ing the career, and embarrassing the movements 
 of government. Mr. Sheridan replied, that a real 
 drag-chain differed from this imaginary drag-chain 
 of the minister, in one important essential : it was 
 applied only when the machine was going down 
 the hill. In the first volume, I have recorded an 
 anecdote of Doctor Crowe, where Johnson himself 
 was vanquished by a piece of wit, the only merit 
 of which lay in the felicitous detection of a very 
 important difference. Those who have sat in Mr. 
 Sheridan's company might record many similar 
 examples ; it was never my good fortune but once 
 to be a satellite where he was the luminary. He 
 kept us in the sphere of his attraction until the 
 morning : and when I reflect on his rubicund 
 countenance, and his matchless powers of con- 
 viviality, he seemed to preside in the throne of wit, 
 with more effulgence than Phaeton in the chariot 
 of the sun ; but as an humble example of my 
 present subject, I would add this distinction be- 
 tween them : the first, by his failure, turned the 
 day into night ; but the latter, by his success, by 
 the beams of his eloquence, and the flashes of his 
 wit, turned the night nto day. 
 
 , 
 
LACON. 4J1 
 
 Morion is the only property we can affirm with 
 certainty to be inseparable at all times from all 
 matter, and consciousness* from all mind. With 
 these two exceptions, the whole universe of things 
 is parceled out, and partitioned into regions of 
 probability or improbability, acquiescence or hesita- 
 tion, confidence or conjecture. That emperor who 
 chiefly sways these petty states, who numbers the 
 greatest census of subjects, and lords it over the 
 richest extent of territory, is the capricious despot, 
 — doubt. He is at once the richest and the poor- 
 est of potentates, for he has locked up immense 
 wealth in his treasury, but he cannot find the key. 
 His huge and gloomy palace floats and fluctuates 
 on the immeasurable ocean of uncertainty ; its 
 moorings are more profound than our ignorance, 
 but more strong than our wisdom ; the pile is stable 
 from its very instability, and has rode out those 
 storms that have so often overthrown the firmest 
 pharos of science, and the loftiest lighthouse of 
 philosophy. Nothing is more perplexing than the 
 power, but nothing is more durable than the dynasty. 
 
 * Some may ask, is not consciousness suspended by 
 sleep ? Certainly not ; otherwise none could dream but those 
 who are awake. The memory is sometimes suspended in 
 dreams, and the judgment always ; but there is no moment 
 when consciousness ceases, although there may be many 
 when it is not remembered. It may also be asked, as to 
 matter, whether there be any motion going on in the com- 
 ponent parts of the diamond 1 We may be assured there 
 is ; but a motion, compared to our finite faculties, almost 
 infinitely slow, but to which it must gradually yield, and 
 cease to be a diamond, as certainly, but not as quickly, as 
 this table I am writing on will cease to be a table. It is 
 curious, that of the two brightest things we know, the one 
 should have the quickest motion and the other the slowest, 
 lightning and the diamond. 
 
412 LAC ON. 
 
 of doubt ; for he reigns in the hearts of alt his 
 people, but gives satisfaction to none of them, and 
 yet he is the only despot who can never die while 
 any of his subjects live. 
 
 In the complicated and marvellous machinery of 
 circumstances, it is absolutely impossible to decide 
 what would have happened, as to some events, if 
 the slightest disturbance had taken place in the 
 march of those that preceded them. We may 
 observe a little dirty wheel of brass, spinning round 
 upon its greasy axle, and the result is, that in an- 
 other apartment, many yards' distance from it ; a 
 beautiful piece of silk issues from a loom, rivalling 
 in its hues the teints of th^ rainbow ; there are myr- 
 iads of events in our lives, the distance between 
 which was much greater than that between this 
 wheel and the riband, but where the connexion 
 has been much more close. If a private country- 
 gentleman in Cheshire, about the year seventeen 
 hundred and thirty, had not been overturned in his 
 carriage, it is extremely probable that America, 
 instead of being a free republic at this moment, 
 would have continued a dependant colony of Eng- 
 land. This country-gentleman happened to be 
 Augustine Washington, esq«uire, who was thus acci- 
 dentally thrown into the company of a lady who 
 afterwards became his wife, who emigrated with 
 him to America, and in the year seventeen hundred 
 and thirty-two, at Virginia, became the envied 
 mother of George Washington the great. 
 
 To look back to antiquity is one thing, to go back 
 to it is another ; if w r e look backwards to a; Equity 
 it should be as those who are winning % race, to 
 
LACON, 413 
 
 press forwards the faster, and to leave the beaten 
 still farther behind. 
 
 Dull authors will measure our judgment not by 
 our abilities, but by their own conceit. To admire 
 their vapidity, is to have superior taste ; to despise 
 it, is to have none 
 
 We may concede any man a right without 
 doing any man a wrong, but we can favour no one 
 without injuring some one. Where there are 
 many claimants, and we select one for his superior 
 merit, this is a preference, and to this preference 
 he has a right : but if we make our election from 
 any other motive, this is a partiality, and this par- 
 tiality, although it may be a benefit to him, is a 
 wrong to another. We may be very active and 
 very busy, but if strict justice be not the rudder of 
 all our ottaer virtues, the faster we sail, the farther 
 we shall find ourselves from ' that haven where we 
 would be? 
 
 There is not a little generalship and stratagem 
 required in the managing and marshalling of our 
 pleasures, so that each shall not mutually encroach 
 to the destruction of all. For pleasures are very 
 voracious, too apt to worry one another, and each, 
 like Aaron's serpent, is prone to swallow up the 
 rest. Thus, drinking will soon destroy the power, 
 gaming the means, and sensuality the taste, foi 
 other pleasures less seductive, but far more salu 
 brious and permanent, as they are pure. 
 
 In proportion as nations get more corrupt, more 
 disgrace will attach to poverty, and more respect to 
 35*' 
 
414 LAC ON. 
 
 wealth. There are two questions that would com- 
 pletely reverse this order of things : what keeps 
 some persons poor ? and, what has made some 
 others rich ? The true answer to these queries 
 would often make the poor man more proud of his 
 poverty than the rich man is of his wealth, and the 
 rich man more justly ashamed of his wealth than 
 the poor man unjustly now is of his poverty. 
 
 It is lamentable that the intellectual light, which 
 has so much more power than the solar, should 
 have so much less rapidity ; the sons of science 
 mount to their meridian splendour, unobserved b} 
 the millions beneath them, who look through the 
 misty medium of prejudice, of ignorance, and of 
 pride. Unlike the sun in the firmament, it is not 
 until they are set themselves that they enlighten 
 others. 
 
 Patriotism, liberty, reform, and many other 
 good things have got a bad name by keeping bad 
 company ; for those who have ill intentions, cannot 
 afford to work with tools that have ill sounds. 
 "When a knave sallies forth to deceive us, he 
 dresses up his thoughts in his best words, as 
 naturally as his body in his best clothes ; but they 
 must expect a Flemish account, that give him credit 
 either for the one or for the other. 
 
 England can bear more mismanagement, luxury, 
 and corruption, than any other nation under hea- 
 ven ; and those who have buih their predictions of 
 her downfall from analogies taken from other 
 nations, have all fortunately failed, because England 
 has four points of strength and revivescence, not 
 
LAC ON. 415 
 
 common to thos3 examples from which those anal- 
 ogies have been drawn. Two of these sources 
 of strength are physical, her coal and her iron ; and 
 two of them are moral, the freedom of the press 
 and the trial by jury ; and they are mutually con- 
 servative of each other, for should any attempt be 
 made to destroy the two last, the two first are admi- 
 rably adapted to defend them. 
 
 Every fool knows how often he has been a rogue, 
 but every rogue does not know how often he has 
 been a fool. 
 
 The more we know of history, the less shall we 
 esteem the subjects of it ; and to despise our spe- 
 cies, is the price we must too often pay for our 
 knowledge of it. 
 
 The three great apostles of practical atheism, 
 that make converts without persecuting, and retain 
 tli em without preaching, are wealth, health, and 
 povver. 
 
 It is curious that we pay statesmen for what they 
 say, not for what they do ; and judge of them from 
 what they do, not from what they say. Hence 
 they have one code of maxims for profession and 
 another for practice, and make up their con- 
 sciences as the Neapolitans do their beds, with one 
 set of furniture for show and another for use. 
 
 Man is a compound being ; and what little know- 
 ledge he can arrive at, to be practical, scarcely can 
 be pure. Like the air he breathes, he may refine 
 it, until the one is unfit to be respired and the other 
 
416 L A C O J\ 
 
 to be applied. Mathematicians have sought know- 
 ledge in figures, philosophers in systems, logicians 
 in subtilties, and metaphysicians in sounds. It is 
 not in any nor in all of these. He that studies 
 only men, will get the body of knowledge without 
 the soul, and he that studies only books, the soul 
 without the body. He that to what he sees, adds 
 observation, and to what he reads reflection, is ir. 
 the right road to knowledge, provided that, in scru- 
 tinizing the hearts of others, he neglects not his own ; 
 and, like the Swiss,* doubles his exertions abroad, 
 that he may more speedily profit by them at 
 home. 
 
 No duels are palatable to both parties, except 
 those that are engaged in from motives of revenge 
 Such duels are rare in modern times, for law has 
 been found as efficacious for this purpose as lead, 
 though not so expeditious ; and the lingering tor- 
 tures inflicted by parchment, as terrible as the more 
 summary decisions of the pistol. In all affairs of 
 honour, excepting those where the sole motive is 
 revenge, it is curious that fear is the main ingre- 
 dient. From fear we accept a challenge, and from 
 fear we refuse it. From the false fear of opinion 
 we enter the lists, or we decline to do so, from the 
 real fear of danger, or the moral fear of guilt. 
 Duelling is an evil that it will be extremely difficult 
 to eradicate, because it would require a society 
 composed of such materials as are not to be found 
 
 * This pining to revisit their native land, peculiar to the 
 Swiss, is termed Nostalgia, a word that signifies a strong 
 desire to return. They have been known even to die when 
 this cannot be attained ; and it is remarkable that the same 
 remedy that cures a Swiss, kills a Scot. 
 
L A C ON. 417 
 
 without admixture ; a society where all who are 
 not Christians, must at least be gentlemen, or if 
 neither — philosophers 
 
 Some praters are so full of their own gabble, ana 
 so fond of their own discord, that they would not 
 suspend their eternal monotonies, to hear the wit 
 of Sheridan, or the point of Swift ; one might as 
 well attempt to stop the saw of a task-working 
 stonecutter by the melodies of an iEolian harp. 
 Others again there are, who hide that ignorance in 
 silent gravity, that these expose by silly talk ; but 
 they are so coldly correct, and so methodically dull, 
 that any attempt to raise the slumbering sparks of 
 genius, by means of such instruments, would be to 
 stir up a languishing fire with a poker of ice. There 
 is a third class, forming a great majority, being a 
 heavy compound of the two former, and possessing 
 many of the properties peculiar to each; thus, they 
 have just ignorance enough to talk amongst fools, 
 and just sense enough to be silent amongst wits. 
 But they rTave no vivacity in themselves, nor relish 
 for it in another ; to attempt to keep up the ball of 
 conversation with such partners, would be to play 
 a game of fives against a bed of feathers. 
 
 Man grows up to teach his children as a father, 
 and he looks back to the time when he himself was 
 taught as a child. Hence, he often becomes a 
 pedagogue by circumstance, and a dogmatist by 
 choice. He carries these principles beyond his 
 own contracted sphere, into regions without his 
 jurisdiction, and assumes the dignity of the pre- 
 ceptor, in situations where the docility of the pupil 
 would be more consonant to his powers, but less 
 
418 L A C O IS! . 
 
 congenial to his pride. Neither are words, those 
 tools he works with, less imperfect than his skill in 
 applying them. Words, ' those fickle daughters of 
 the earth? are the creation of a being that is finite, 
 and when applied to explain that which is infinite, 
 they fail ; for that which is made surpasses not the 
 maker; nor can that which is immeasurable b} 
 our thoughts, be measured by our tongues. Man 
 is placed in a system where he sees benevolence 
 acting through the instrumentality of wisdom : these 
 proofs multiply upon him, in proportion to his 
 powers of intellectual perception, and in those 
 departments of this system which he understands 
 the best, these marks of wisdom and benevolence 
 are most discernible. An astronomer would have 
 a sublimer view of the powers of the first cause in 
 magnitude than an anatomist, but the anatomist 
 would have a finer conception of this wisdom in 
 minuteness than the astronomer. A peasant may 
 have as sincere a veneration for this Being, and 
 adore him with as pure a worship, as either the 
 astronomer or the anatomist ; but his appreciations 
 of him must be less exalted, because they are built 
 upon a narrower base. If, then, in all the parts of 
 this system which we can understand, these marks 
 of goodness are so plain and legible, is it not 
 rational to infer the same goodness m those parts 
 of the system which we cannot comprehend ? 
 The Designer of this system has not left himself 
 without a witness, but has unfolded his high quali- 
 ties so fully in most instances, that if there are some 
 where he appears to us obscure or unintelligible, to 
 believe in our own ignorance, rather than in the in- 
 justice of such a Being, is not only the safest creed, 
 but the soundest philosophy. The end may be a 
 
LACON, 41 
 
 state of optimism, and this would be worthy of 
 God ; but the means are a state of discipline, and 
 this is fitting for man. 
 
 One endowed with a moderate share of mathe- 
 matical knowledge, might be capable of following 
 Sir Isaac Newton through the rationale of many of 
 bis propositions, and would find him clear and irre- 
 fragable in all of them. But presently he comes 
 to that philosopher's discovery of fluxions, the 
 principles and deductions of which happen to be 
 beyond his comprehension; would it not be the 
 height of presumption for such a man to suspect 
 Sir Isaac Newton of obscurity, rather than himself 
 of incapacity ? But if this reasoning have any 
 weight between one man and another, with how 
 much greater power must it operate between man 
 and his Maker 1 Infidelity, alas ! is not always 
 built upon doubt, for this is diffident : nor philoso- 
 phy always upon wisdom, for this is meek ; but 
 pride is neither. The spoiled children of human 
 science, like some other bantlings, are seen at times 
 to spurn at the good that is offered, in, a vain but 
 boisterous struggle for the evil that is withheld. 
 
 No man can live or die so much for himself as he 
 that lives and dies for others ; and the only great- 
 ness of those little men who have conquered every 
 thing but themselves, consists in the steadiness 
 with which they have overcome the most splendid 
 temptations to be good, in consequence of their 
 low schemes and grovelling wishes to be powerful, 
 like Napoleon, who - 
 
 ( Though times, occasions, chances, foes and friends, 
 Urged him to purest fame, by noblest ends, 
 
420 L A C O JN . 
 
 In this alone was great — to have withstood 
 Such \ aried, vast temptations to be good.' 
 
 Conflagration of Moscow. 
 
 Were we to say that we admire the tricks and 
 gambols of a monkey, but think nothing of His 
 power that created those limbs and muscles by 
 which they are performed, even a coxcomb would 
 stare at such an asseveration ; and yet he is in the 
 daily commission of a much grosser contradiction — 
 still he neglects his Maker, but worships himself. 
 
 Truth is the object of reason, and this is one ; 
 beauty is the object of taste, and this is multiform. 
 
 Oratory is the huffing and blustering spoiled 
 child of a semi-barbarous age. The press is the 
 foe of rhetoric, but the friend of reason ; a*nd the 
 art of declamation has been sinking in value, from 
 the moment* that speakers were foolish enough to 
 publish, and readers wise enough to read. 
 
 * There are no potentates of modern times that would 
 imitate Philip, and offer a town containing ten thousand 
 inhabitants for an orator. The ancients were a gossiping 
 and a listening, rather than a writing or a reading set. 
 This circumstance gave an orator great opportunities of 
 display ; for the tongue effects that for thoughts that the 
 press does for words ; but the tongue confers on them a 
 much shorter existence, and produces them in a far less 
 tangible shape; two circumstances that are often not unfa- 
 vourable to the speechifier. An ancient demagogue said, 
 that so long as the people had ears, he would rather that 
 they should be without understandings. All good things 
 here below have their drawbacks, and all evil things their 
 compensations. The drawback of the advantage of print- 
 ing is, that it enables coxcombs to deluge us with dulness ; 
 and the compensation for the want of this art was this, thai 
 if blockheads wrote nonsense, no one else would transcribe 
 
LACON, 42\ 
 
 Light, whether it be material or moral, is the 
 best reformer ; for it prevents those disorders 
 which other remedies sometimes cure, but some- 
 times confirm. 
 
 Man, if he compare himself with all that he can 
 see, is at the zenith of power ; but if he compare 
 himself with all that he can conceive, he is at the 
 nadir of weakness. 
 
 We often pretend to fear what we really despise, 
 and more often to despise what we really fear. 
 
 As in our amours those conquests that have 
 cost the conqueror the most difficulty, have retain- 
 ed him the longest in subjection — causing him, like 
 Pyrrhus, by victory to be undone — so it is also in 
 
 it; neither could they take their trash to the market, when 
 it cost so much time and labour lo multiply the copies. 
 Booksellers are like horse-dealers in one respect, and if they 
 buy the devil, they must also sell the devil ; but the misfor- 
 tune is, that a bookseller seldom understands the merits of a 
 book so thoroughly as the horse-dealer the merits of a horse, 
 and reads with far less judgment than the other rides. But 
 to return to the speechifiers. An orator who, like Demos- 
 thenes, appeals to the head rather than the heart — who 
 resorts to argument, not to sophistry — who has no sounding 
 words, unsupported by strong conceptions — who would 
 rather convince without persuading, than persuade without 
 convincing — is an exception to all rules, and would succeed 
 in all periods. "When the Roman people had listened to 
 ihe long, diffuse, and polished discourses of Cicero, they de- 
 parted, saying to one another, ' What a splendid speech our 
 orator has made !' But when the Athenians heard Demos- 
 thenes, he so filled them with the subject-matter of his ora- 
 tion, that they quite forgot the orator, but left him at the 
 ffliish of his harangue, breathing revenge, and exclaiming 
 Let us go and fight against Philip !' 
 
422 LACON. 
 
 our appetites : those enjoyments we have come 
 over to with the most repugnance, we abandon 
 with the most regret 
 
 Slander cannot make the subject of it either 
 better or worse ; it may represent us in a false light, 
 or place a likeness of us in a bad one, but we are 
 the same : not so the slanderer ; for calumny 
 always makes the calumniator worse, but the 
 calumniated — never. 
 
 Many schemes, ridiculed as Utopian, decried as 
 visionary, and declaimed against as impracticable, 
 will be realized the moment the march of sound 
 knowledge has effected this for our species : that 
 of making men wise enough to see their true inter- 
 ests, and disinterested enough to pursue them. 
 
 It is a common observation that any fool can 
 get money ; but they are not wise that think so. 
 The fact is, that men apparently dull do get money, 
 and yet they have no reason to thank their dulness 
 for their wealth. They appear to be stupid on 
 every thing unconnected with their object, money, 
 because they have concentrated all their powers to 
 this particular purpose. But they are wise in their 
 generation, as those who have any dealings with 
 them will find out. Like moles, they are consid- 
 ered blind by common observers, although, in the 
 formation of their little yellow heaps, both are suf- 
 ficiently sharpsighted, and have better eyes, for 
 their own low and grovelling purposes, than those 
 bystanders who suspect that they have none. 
 
L A C O N . 423 
 
 In women we love that whici is natural, we 
 admire that which is acquired, and shun that which 
 is artificial. But a system of education that com- 
 bines the evil of all, and gives us the good of nei- 
 ther ; that presents us with the ignorance of that 
 which is natural, without its artlessness, and the 
 cunning of that which is artificial, without its 
 acquirements ; that gives us little to admire, less to 
 love, and much to despise ; is more calculated to 
 procure the female a partner for the minuet than 
 for the marriage, and for the ball than for the bed. 
 
 Time does as much for a firstrate poet, as for a 
 firstrate painter, but in a very different manner. 
 The poet whose efforts have established his repu- 
 tation, and whose celebrity has gone down to after- 
 ages, will receive a meed of renown even greater 
 lhan he deserves, and that text of scripture will be 
 verified as to his fame, which says : ' To him that 
 nath, shall be given.* Time, in fact, effects that 
 for a fine poem that distance performs for r fine 
 view. When we look at a magnificent city from 
 some height that is above it, and beyond it, we are 
 sufficiently removed to lose sight of its little alleys, 
 blind lanes, and paltry habitations ; we can discover 
 nothing but its lofty spires, monuments and towers, 
 its palaces, and its sanctuaries. And so it is with 
 a poem, when we look back upon it through a long 
 interval of time ; we have been in the habit of 
 hearing only the finest passages, because these 
 only are repeated ; the flats and the failings, either 
 we have not read or do not remember. The finest 
 passages of Milton or of Shakspeare can be re- 
 hearsed by many who have never waded through 
 all the pages of either. Dacier observed tha 
 
424 LAC ON. 
 
 Homer was a thousand years more beautiful than 
 Virgil, as if Calliope traced the etymology of her 
 name to her wrinkles rather than her dimples. 
 Voltaire carried this opinion so far, that he seems 
 to infer that distance of time might make a poet 
 still more interesting, by making him invisible ; for 
 he asserts that the reputation of Dante will con 
 tinually be growing greater and greater, because 
 there is nobody now that reads him. This senti- 
 ment must be a source of great consolation to 
 many of our modern poets, who have already lived 
 to see themselves arrive at this point of greatness, 
 and may in some sort be said to have survived 
 their own apotheosis. 
 
 It is with diseases of the mind, as with those of 
 the body : we are half dead before we understand 
 our disorder, and half cured when we do. 
 
 Liberty will not descend to a people, a people 
 must raise themselves to liberty ; it is a blessing 
 that must be earned before it can be enjoyed. 
 That nation cannot be free, where reform is a com- 
 mon hack, that is dismissed with a kick the mo 
 ment it has brought the rider to his place. That 
 nation cannot be free, where parties are but differ- 
 ent roads, leading to one common destination, plun- 
 der. That nation cannot be free, where the rulers 
 will not feel for the people, until they are obliged 
 to feel with the people, and then it is too late. 
 That nation cannot be free, that is bought by its 
 own consent, and sold against it ; where the rogue 
 that is in rags is kept in countenance by the rogue 
 that is in ruffles, and where, from high to low, from 
 the lord to the lackey, there is nothing radical but 
 
LA CON. 425 
 
 corruption, and nothing contemptible but poverty ; 
 when both patriot and placeman, perceiving that 
 money can do every thing, are prepared to do every 
 thing for money. That nation cannot be free, 
 where religion is, with the higher orders, a matter 
 of indifference ; with the middle, of acquiescence ; 
 and with the lower, of fanaticism. That nation 
 cannot be free, where the leprosy of selfishness 
 sticks to it as close as the curse of Elisha to his 
 servant Gehiza : where the rulers ask not what 
 recommends a man, but who ; and where those 
 who want a rogue, have no occasion to make, but 
 io choose. I hope there is no nation like this 
 under heaven ; but if there were, these are the 
 things that, however great she might be, would 
 keep such a nation from liberty, and liberty from 
 her. These are the things that would force upon 
 such a nation — :h*rst, a government of expedients , 
 secondly, of difficulties ; and lastly, of danger. 
 Such a nation could begin to feel, only by fearing 
 all that she deserved, and finish by suffering all 
 that she feared. 
 
 A free press is the parent of much good in a 
 state. But even a licentious press is a far less 
 evil than a press that is enslaved, because both 
 sides may be heard in the former case, but not in 
 the latter. A licentious press may be an evil, an 
 enslaved press must be so; for an enslaved press 
 may cause error to be more current than wisdom, 
 and wrong more powerful than right ; a licentious 
 press cannot effect these things, for if it give the 
 poison, it gives also the antidote, which an enslaved 
 press withholds. An enslaved press is doubly 
 fatal : it not only takes away the true light, for in 
 36* 
 
426 L A C O N . 
 
 that case we might stand still, but it sets up a false 
 one, that decoys us to our destruction. 
 
 All nations that have reached the highest point 
 of civilization, may from that hour assume for their 
 motto, ' Videri quam esse'* And whenever, and 
 wherever, we see ostentation substituted for happi- 
 ness, profession for friendship, formality for religion, 
 pedantry for learning, buffoonery for wit, artifice 
 for nature, and hypocrisy for every thing ; these 
 are the signs of the times which he that runs may 
 read, and which will enable the philosopher to date 
 the commencement of national decay, from the 
 consummation of national refinement. 
 
 We should choose our books as we would our 
 companions, for their sterling and intrinsic merit, 
 not for their adscititious or accidental advantages. 
 For with books, as with men, it seldom happens 
 that their performances are fully equal to their pre- 
 tensions, nor their capital to their credit. There- 
 fore, to repeat a sentence in my preface, we should 
 consider rather what is said, than who says it, and 
 the consequence of the argument, rather than the 
 consequence of him that delivers it ; for wise things 
 have sometimes escaped from heads that are fool- 
 ish, and foolish things from heads that are wise. 
 We should prefer preceptors who teach us to think, 
 such as Bacon and Locke, rather than those thsH 
 teach us to argue, as Aristotle and Cicero ; and wo 
 should give our days and oar nights to those who, 
 like Tacitus and Sully, describe men as they are, 
 than to those who, like Harrington and Boling- 
 broke, describe men as they ought to be. Of 
 * To seem raAhtr than to be. — Pub. 
 
LACON. 427 
 
 :he poets, it will be most safe to read chiefly those 
 of times that are past, who are still popular in times 
 that are present ; and when we read a few of those 
 that are ancient, this is the most pleasing and com- 
 pendious mode of reading all that is good in those 
 that are modern. The press enables poets to de 
 luge us with streams from Helicon, rapid, over- 
 flowing, and inexhaustible ; but noisy, frothy, and 
 muddy withal, and profuse, rather than profound, 
 But we shall find more difference of opinion as to 
 the comparative merits of the poets, than of all 
 other writers. For in science, reason is the guide ; 
 but in poetry, taste. Truth, I have before observed, 
 is the object of the one, which is uniform and in 
 divisible ; beauty is the object of the other, which 
 is varied and multiform. 
 
 There are many who say more than the truth on 
 some occasions, and balance the account with their 
 consciences by saying less than the truth on others. 
 But the fact is, that they are in both instances, as 
 fraudulent as he would be that exacted more than 
 his due from his debtors, and paid less than their 
 due to his creditors. 
 
 It is a piece of pedantry to introduce foreign 
 words into our language, when we have terms of 
 legitimate English origin that express all that 
 these exotics convey, with the advantage of being 
 intelligible to every one. For foreign sounds, like 
 foreign servants, ought not to be introduced to the 
 disadvantage of the natives, until these are found 
 unworthy of trust. I was once asked at a party 
 what was the difference between a conversation, 
 smd a conversazione ; 1 replied, that if there were 
 
428 LAC ON. 
 
 any difference, I considered it must be this : in a 
 conversation, if a blockhead talked nonsense, you 
 were not obliged to listen to him ; but in a conver- 
 sazione , you were. I have heard of an old gentle- 
 man who was a better theologist than a chymist, 
 gravely asking a friend if he would be so good as 
 to explain to him the difference between the old 
 word Calvinism and the new term galvinism. He 
 might have replied that both of them had a great 
 deal to do with fire, but that neither of them had 
 been hitherto able to explain the nature of that ele- 
 ment with which they were so intimately connected 
 
 A system of mal-government begins by refusing 
 man his rights, and ends by depriving him of the 
 power of appreciating the value of that which he 
 has lost. It is possible that the Polish serf, the 
 Russian boor, or the descendant of the kidnapped 
 negro, may be contented with their condition ; but 
 it is not possible that the mind of a Franklin, or a 
 Howard, could be contented to see them so. The 
 philosopher knows that the most degrading symp- 
 tom of hopeless vassalage, is this very apathy that 
 it ultimately superinduces on its victims, as the 
 surgeon knows that the most alarming symptom of 
 a deadly mortification having taken place, is the 
 cessation of pain on the part of the patient. 
 
 If sensuality be our only happiness, we ought to 
 envy the brutes ; for instinct* is a surer, shorter, 
 and safer guide to such happiness than reason. 
 
 * There are some facts recorded of the elephant, that one 
 scarcely knows how to reconcile to mere instinct, if "the facts 
 be authentic. I have heard the late Sir George Staunton 
 say, that when General Meddows reviewed four war-ele- 
 
LA CON. 429 
 
 If we read the history of disorders, we are aston- 
 ished that men live ; if of cures, we are still more 
 astonished that they die. But death is the only 
 sovereign whom no partiality can warp, and no 
 price corrupt. He neither spares the hero, his 
 purveyor by wholesale ; nor the physician,* his 
 
 phants that had been sent from Ceylon to Madras, to assist 
 in getting the British artillery through the gauts, a very 
 extraordinary circumstance took place. The war -elephant, 
 it is well known, is trained to perform the grand salam, 
 which is done by falling on the first joint of the foreleg at a 
 certain signal. The largest of the four elephants was par- 
 ticularly noticed by the general as being terribly out of con- 
 dition ; the keeper was ordered up to explain the cause, and 
 was in the act of doing this to the general, when the ele- 
 phant advanced a few steps out of the line, and with one 
 stroke of his proboscis laid his keeper dead at his feet. He 
 then retired back again into his position and performed the 
 grand salam. This circumstance excited some consider- 
 able alarm, when the wife of the keeper ran up to his dead 
 body, and in a broken sort of exclamation, cried out that 
 she was always afraid something of this sort would happen, 
 as he was constantly in the habit of robbing that elephant 
 of his rations of rice, by taking them away from his crib 
 after they had been served out to him under the inspection 
 of his superior. This anecdote is rather a staggering one, 
 but I have mentioned it to many persons who have been in 
 India, and most of them were no strangers to the circum- 
 stance. One gentleman informed me that it was authenti- 
 cally recorded in the philosophical transactions of the day, 
 but this I cannot vouch for, having never searched for it. 
 
 * I remember when at Paris, being introduced to a phy- 
 sician who had fitted up a large apartment with portraits, 
 sent him by those patients whom he had recovered. This 
 circumstance put me in mind of a remark of Diogenes to 
 one that admired the multitude of votive-offerings in Sam- 
 othracia given to the temple of Neptune by these who had 
 escaped from shipwreck : * There would have been many 
 more,' said Diogenes, 'if those who have perished could have 
 presented theirs. 1 There is a Spanish story that runs thus : — 
 All the physicians of Madrid were suddenly alarmed by the 
 
430 L A C O N . 
 
 caterer by retail ; nor the lawyer, his solicitor-gene* 
 fal ; nor the undertaker, his master of the ward- 
 robe ; nor the priest, his chamberlain and privy- 
 counsellor; even his truest minion and prime syco- 
 phant, the sexton, who has spent his whole life in 
 hiding his bad deeds from the world, and conceal- 
 ing his deformities, is at last consigned to the bed 
 of clay, with his own shovel, and this by the bands 
 of some younger favourite, who succeeds alike to 
 his salary and his sentence, his department and his 
 doom. 
 
 The minor miseries superinduced by fashion, 
 that queen of fools, can hardly be conceived by 
 those who live in the present day, when common 
 sense is invalidating every hour the authority of 
 this silly despot, and confirming the rational dic- 
 tates of comfort. The quantum of uneasiness 
 forced upon us by these absurdities, was no small 
 drawback from the sum tolal of that happiness 
 allotted to the little life of man; for small miseries, 
 like small debts, hit us in so many places, and meet 
 us at so many turns and corners, that what they 
 want in weight they make up in number, and ren- 
 der it less hazardous to stand the fire of one cannon- 
 ball, than a volley composed ®f such a &hower of 
 
 intrusion of the ghosts of their patients ; their doors were so 
 hesieged by the spectres of the dead, that there was no en- 
 trance for the living. It was observed that a single phy- 
 sician of no repute, and living very obscurely, was incom- 
 moded with only one of these unearthly visiters ; all Madrid 
 flocked to him, and he got all the fees, until his brothel 
 practitioners promulgated the unfortunate discovery, thai 
 tins single ghost was, when alive, the only patient that eve> 
 consulted him. 
 
LACUN. 431 
 
 bullets. It is within the recollection of veiy many 
 of my readers, that no gentleman or lady could 
 either pay or receive a visit, or go out to a dinner, 
 or appear at a public party, without submitting to 
 have seven or eight pounds of fat and flour worked 
 into their hair, by the hands of that very industrious 
 and important personage, the frizeur, on whose 
 co-operation their whole powers of locomotion 
 depended, and who had so much to do that he 
 could seldom be punctual. Nothing was more 
 common than for ladies at a race-ball, an election- 
 invitation, or a country assize meeting, to undergo 
 the tremendous operations of the frizeur on the 
 evening that preceded, and to sacrifice one night's 
 rest to fashion, in order that they might sacrifice 
 another night to folly. Our fair countrywomen laugh 
 at the Chinese ladies, who deprive themselves of 
 the use of their feet, by tight shoes and bandages 
 and whose characters would be ruined if they 
 were even suspected of being able to walk. But 
 they themselves, by the more destructive and dan- 
 gerous fashion of tight-lacing, destroy functions 
 of the body far more important, not only to them- 
 selves but to their offspring ; and whole troops of 
 dandies, quite as taper-waisted, and almost as mas- 
 culine as their mothers, are the natural result of 
 such an absurdity. If to be admired is the motive 
 for such a custom, it is a most paradoxical mode of 
 pursuing this end ; for that which is destructive of 
 health, must be still more destructive of beauty, 
 that beauty, in a vain effort to preserve which, the 
 victims of this fashion have devoted themselves to a 
 joyless youth, and a premature decrepitude. An- 
 other of the minor miseries formerly imposed upon 
 society. by the despotism of fashion, was the neces- 
 
432 
 
 L AC ON. 
 
 sity of giving large sums, denominated vales, to a 
 whole bevy of butlers, footmen, and lackeys. 
 This was carried to such an excess, that no poor 
 man could afford to dine with a rich one, unless he 
 enclosed a guinea with his card of invitation : and 
 yet this custom, more mean, if possible, than absurd, 
 kept its ground until a few such men as Swift 
 Steele, and Arbuthnot, happened to make a discov- 
 ery- in terrestrial bodies, productive of more com- 
 fort than any made before or since, in those that 
 are celestial. After a due course of experiments, 
 both synthetically and analytically pursued, they 
 found out and promulgated to the world, that two 
 or three friends, a joint of Welsh mutton, a bla- 
 zing hearth, a bottle of old wine, and a hearty wel- 
 come at home, were far better things than cold 
 fricassees, colder formalities, sour liquors, and 
 sourer looks abroad, saddled, moreover, with the 
 penalty of running the gantlet of a whole gang of 
 belaced and betasselled mendicants, who proceeded 
 from the plunder of the pocket of the guest, to their 
 still more barefaced depredations on the cellar of 
 their master. There is a little Italian story so much 
 to my present purpose, that I shall conclude by 
 relating it. A nobleman, resident at a castle, I 
 think near Pisa, was about to celebrate his marriage- 
 feast. All the elements were propitious except the 
 ocean, which had been so boisterous as to deny 
 the very necessary appendage of fish. Most pro 
 evidentially, however, on the very morning of the 
 feast, a poor fisherman made his appearance with 
 a turbot so large that it seemed to have been 
 created for the occasion, * animal propter convivia 
 natural* Joy pervaded the castle, and the fisher- 
 *An animal born for the merry-making. — Pub. 
 
LA CON. 433 
 
 man was ushered with his prize into the saloon, 
 where the nobleman, in the presence of his visi- 
 ters, requested him to put what price he thought 
 proper on the fish, and it should be instantly paid 
 him. ' One hundred lashes,' said the fisherman, 
 ' on my bare back, is the price of my fish, and I 
 will not bate one strand of whipcord on the bargain 
 The nobleman and his guests were not a little 
 astonished, but our chapman was resolute, and 
 remonstrance was in vain. At length, the nobleman 
 exclaimed : ' Well, well, the fellow r is a humorist, 
 and the fish we must have ; but lay on lightly, and 
 let the price be paid in our presence.' After fifty 
 lashes had been administered, ' Hold, hold !' ex- 
 claimed the fisherman. ' I have a partner in this 
 business, and it is fitting that he should receive his 
 share.' 'What! are there two such madcaps in 
 the world?' exclaimed the nobleman ; ' name him 
 and he shall be sent for instantly.' ' You need noi 
 go very far for him,' said the fisherman ; you will 
 find him at your gate, in the shape of your own por- 
 ter, who would not let me in until I promised that 
 he should have the half of whatever I received for 
 my turbot.' ' Oh, oh,' said the nobleman, ' bring him 
 up instantly ; he shall receive his stipulated moiety 
 with the strictest justice.' This ceremony being 
 finished, he discharged the porter, and amply re- 
 warded the fisherman. 
 
 Happiness is that single and glorious tiling 
 which is the very light and sun of the whole ani- 
 mated universe ; and w T here she is not, it were 
 better that nothing should be. Without her,* wis- 
 
 * Dr. Johnson was asked by a lady, what new work he 
 was employed about. ' I am writing nothing just at present,' 
 37 
 
434 L A C O N 
 
 dom is but a shadow, and virtue a name ; she is 
 their sovereign mistress ; for her alone they labour, 
 and by her they will be paid ; to enjoy her, and to 
 communicate her, is the object of their efforts, and 
 the consummation of their toil. 
 
 It is with ridicule as with compassion, we do 
 not like to be the solitary objects of either ; and 
 whether we are laughed at or pitied, we have no 
 objection to sharers, and fancy we can lessen the 
 weight by dividing the load. A gentleman who 
 was present at the battle of Leipsic, told me a 
 humorous anecdote, which may serve to illustrate 
 the above position. It will be remembered that 
 our government had despatched a rocket-brigade to 
 assist at that action, and that Captain Boger, a 
 ery deserving young officer, lost his life in the 
 commanding of it. After the signal defeat of the 
 French at this memorable action, Leipsic became 
 full of a mixed medley of soldiers, of all arms and 
 of all nations ; of course, a great variety of coin 
 was in circulation there ; a British private, who 
 was attached to the rocket-brigade, and who had 
 picked up a little broken French and German, went 
 to the largest hotel in Leipsic, and displaying an 
 English shilling to the landlord, inquired if this 
 piece of coin was current there. ? Oh yes,' replied 
 he, ' you may have whatever the house affords for 
 that money : it passes current here at present.' Our 
 fortunate Bardolph, finding himself in such corn- 
 replied he. ' Well, but doctor,' said she, c if I could write like 
 you, I should be always writing, merely for the pleasure of 
 it.' * Pray, madam,' retorted he, ( do you sincerely thinK 
 that Leander swam across the Hellespont merely because 
 he was fond of swimming V 
 
LAC ON. 435 
 
 pliant quarters, called about him most lustily, and 
 the most sumptuous dinner the house could afford, 
 washed down by sundry bottles of the most expen- 
 sive wines, was despatched without ceremony. 
 On going away, he tendered at the bar the identi- 
 cal shilling which the landlord had inadvertently 
 led him to expect was to perform such wonders. 
 The stare, the shrug, and the exclamation elicited 
 from 'minehost of the garter? by such a tender, may be 
 more easily conceived than expressed. An expla- 
 nation, very much to the dissatisfaction of the land- 
 lord, took place, who quickly found not only that no- 
 thing more was likely to be got, but also that the laugh 
 would be tremendously heavy against him. This 
 part of the profits he had a very Christian wish to 
 divide with his neighbour. Taking, therefore, his 
 guest to the street-door of his hotel, he requested 
 him to look over the way. * Do you see,' said he, 
 4 that large hotel opposite ? That fellow, the land- 
 lord of it, is my sworn rival, and nothing can keep 
 this story from his ears, in which case I shall never 
 hear the last of it. Now, my good fellow, you are 
 not only welcome to your entertainment, but I will 
 instantly give you a five-frank piece into the bar- 
 gain, if you will promise, on the word of a sol- 
 dier, to attempt the very same trick with him to- 
 morrow that succeeded so well with me to-day.' 
 Our veteran took the money, and accepted the con- 
 ditions ; but having buttoned up the silver very se- 
 curely in his pocket, he took his leave of the land- 
 lord with the following speech, and a bow that did 
 no discredit to Leipsic. ' Sir, I deem myself in 
 honour bound to use my utmost endeavours to put 
 your wishes in execution ; I shall certainly do all 
 1 can, but must candidly inform you that I fear J 
 
430 LACON. 
 
 shall not succeed, since I played the very same 
 trick with that gentleman yesterday ; and it is to 
 his particular advice alone that you are indebted 
 for the honour of my company to-day.' 
 
 If you see a man grossly ignorant and superficial 
 on points which you do understand, be not over 
 ready to give credit, on the score of character 
 which he may have attained, for any great ability 
 in points which you do not understand. 
 
 Emulation looks out for merits that she may 
 exalt herself by a victory , envy spies out blemishes 
 that she may lower another by a defeat. 
 
 Truth can hardly be expected to adapt herself 
 to the crooked policy, and wily sinuosities of 
 worldly affairs ; for truth, like light, travels only in 
 straight lines. 
 
 It is adverse to talent to be consorted and train- 
 ed up with inferior minds, or inferior companions, 
 however high they may rank. The foal of the racer 
 neither finds out his speed nor calls out his powers 
 if pastured out with the common herd that are des- 
 tined for the collar and the yoke. 
 
 The good people of England do all that in them 
 lies to make their king a puppet ; and then, with 
 their usual consistency, detest him if he is not 
 what they would make him, and despise him if he is. 
 
 He that will not permit his wealth to do any good 
 to others while he is alive, prevents it from doing 
 any good to himself when he is dead ; and by an 
 
LACON. 437 
 
 egotism that is suicidal, and has a double-edge, 
 cuts himself off from the truest pleasure here, and 
 the highest happiness hereafter. Some fancy that 
 they make all matters right by cheating their rela- 
 tions, and leaving all their ill-gotten wealth to some 
 public institution. I have heard a story of his 
 satanic majesty, that he was one day sitting on his 
 throne of state, with some of his prime ministers 
 attending him, when a certain imp, just arrived 
 from his mission to this nether world, appeared 
 before him. ' Sirrah,' said he, ' you have been 
 long absent from us : what news from above V 
 have been attending, and please your majesty, the 
 deathbed of a miser, and I have put it into his head 
 to leave all his immense wealth to charitable insti- 
 tutions.' ' Indeed,' said the sable monarch, ' and 
 call you this attending to my interest ? I am afraid 
 we shall lose him.' ' Fear not,' said the imp, ' for 
 he has made no restitutions, and has also many 
 starving relatives ; but if we were so unlucky, we 
 are sure, after all, to be gainers, for I also instilled 
 it into his mind to appoint twelve trustees, and your 
 majesty may safely reckon upon every soul of them 
 to a man. 
 
 1 Omne simile non est idem]* is an axiom which 
 men of powerful imaginations ought to keep con- 
 stantly in view ; for in mental optics those do not 
 always see the farthest who have mounted the 
 highest, and imagination! has sometimes blinded 
 
 * Every thing like is not the same. — Pub. 
 
 t Wit also will sometimes bribe the judgment tc a false 
 decision, and make us inclined to say what is brilliant, 
 rather than what is true ; and to aim at point rather than at 
 propriety. Voltaire was once desired by a poet to criticisa 
 a tragedy he had written. He prefaced his request by say- 
 37* 
 
438 LAC ON. 
 
 the judgment, rather than sharpened its acumen. 
 Minds of this kind have been beautifully compared 
 to those angels described in the Revelation, who 
 hid their eyes with their wings. 
 
 Some conversions have failed, not for any vant 
 of faith in the convert, but for a deficiency of that 
 article in the converter ; and when matters have 
 been brought to the point, it has been discovered 
 that the disciple was ready to perform his part of 
 the ceremony, provided the master were equally so 
 to perform his. I remember having somewhere 
 read a story of a certain lady in Italy, who being of 
 the Protestant faith, was about to be united in mar- 
 riage to a papist. Great pains were taken to work 
 her conversion ; at length, she consented to take 
 the holy sacrament according to the ritual of the 
 church of Rome, provided the making-up and man- 
 ufacturing of the wafer to be used on this ceremony 
 were allowed her. This was granted : and when the 
 priest had finished the consecration, she solemnly 
 asked him if he firmly believed that the act of con- 
 secration had transformed those elements into the 
 real body of Christ? He replied there could not be 
 the shadow of a doubt of it. ' Then,' said she, 'I 
 am ready to swallow them if you will only set me 
 the example, but must candidly inform you,' added 
 she, ' that before the miracle of transubstantiation 
 
 ing that he loiew the value of this philosopher's time, and 
 therefore he requested him to express his candid opinion m 
 the shortest manner. Unfortunately our <ra£edian had 
 written the single word Fin at the bottom ot nis piece, and 
 our merciless critic confined his whole criticism merely to 
 scratching out the letter ?&, thus Ft. Nevertheless, the 
 tragedy did not deserve so severe a sentence ; but the wit 
 way too great a tsmptatio^i. 
 
LACON. 439 
 
 had been performed on the consecrated host, the 
 principal ingredient in its composition was arsenic.' 
 The monk did not deem it prudent to make a con- 
 vert on such terms. 
 
 Flattery is often a traffic of mutual meanness, 
 wnere, although both parties intend deception nei- 
 ther are deceived ; since words that cost little, are 
 exchanged for hopes that cost less. But we must 
 be careful how we flatter fools too little, or wise 
 men too much ; for the flatterer must act the very 
 reverse of the physician, and administer the strong- 
 est dose only to the weakest patient. The truly 
 great will bear even reproof, if truth support it, 
 more patiently than flattery accompanied with false- 
 hood ; for, by venturing on the first, we pay a com- 
 pliment to their heart, but by venturing on the 
 second, we inflict an insult on their head. Two 
 painters undertook a portrait of Hannibal ; one of 
 them painted a full likeness of him, and gave him 
 two eyes, whereas disease had deprived him of one ; 
 the other painted him in profile, but with his blind 
 side from the spectators. He severely reprimanded 
 the first, but handsomely rewarded the second. 
 
 Human life, according to Mandeville* and others 
 of his school, is a constant system of hypocris)< r 
 
 * If we were inclined to pun, after the manner of Swift, 
 on the name of Mandeville, we might say that Mandeville 
 (v r as a devil of a man, who wrote a book to prove man a 
 levil. 
 
 I am rather surprised to see such men as Hobbes, Ma- 
 chiavelli, Mandeville, or Spinosa, receive any attention in 
 that republic which alone is fixed and free — the republic of 
 letters. They carry, it is true, their own antidote ; for the 
 
440 LACON. 
 
 acting upon hypocrisy ; a kind of double duping, 
 where pretenders pursue virtue that they esteem 
 not, for the sake of praises which those who proffer 
 value not. Thus, according to him, instead of 
 feeling any gratitude for those who have lost their 
 lives in the service of their country, our feelings 
 ought rather to be those of pity and contempt for 
 beings so weak as to permit the love of glory to 
 overcome the love of life. In conformity to this 
 system, he asserts that all the virtues are nothing 
 more than the political offspring that flattery begets 
 upon pride. Were such a system to be general, 
 with Machiavelli for our tutor, and Mandeville for 
 our moralist, we might indeed deny a heaven, but 
 if we denied a hell, it would not be for want of a 
 prototype upon earth. Mr. Hume, on the other 
 hand, seems inclined to make utility the test of vir> 
 tue ; and this doctrine he has urged so speciously 
 as to draw after him * a third part of the host oj 
 heaven? Paley has been in some degree seduced, 
 but Paley's authority is on the decline. If one were 
 disposed to banter such a doctrine, by pursuing up 
 its conclusions to the absurdities to which they 
 
 absurdity of their dot trines is usually in proportion to their 
 atrocity. I would h tve them read, notwithstanding", and 
 promulgated and exa nined, and would give them all possi- 
 ble fair play. I am ce tain this is the most efficacious mode 
 of satisfying ourseh es how much more powerful their 
 names are, than then pens. I shall be told that there are 
 moments when these men evince great strength of mind, 
 as there are times wh m madmen evince great strength of 
 body ; but one is the strength of error, and the other of 
 disease. Now we &iut up the one, and clap a strait 
 waistcoat upon him; ana I would give the other all 
 possible liberty, for the more they are seen and known. 
 the fewer converts they will have, and the less mischief 
 they will do 
 
LACON. 44* 
 
 would lead us, one would say, that if a building 
 were on fire, a philosopher ought to be saved in 
 preference to a fool, and a steam-engine, or a loom, 
 in preference to either ; no parent ought to have 
 any affection or tenderness for a child that was 
 dying of a disorder pronounced to be incurable ; 
 and no child ought to take any trouble for a parent 
 that was in a state of dotage. If we met with a 
 beggar with one leg, we ought to give him nothing, 
 but reserve a double alms for a beggar who had two, 
 as being the most useful animal. As to religion, 
 all adoration would be transferred to the felt and 
 visible source of all utility, the sun : and the religion 
 of Persia would be the universal faith. Another 
 mode of accounting for human actions, is self-in- 
 terest ; a system that has more plausibility, and 
 perhaps more proselytes than the two that precede 
 it. It would indeed be very unfortunate for mankind 
 if any virtuous action whatsoever could be proved 
 to be detrimental to the self-interest of him who 
 performed it, if the view taken of it be enlarged 
 and comprehensive. And it is on this ground that 
 I have asserted elsewhere, that it is much nearer 
 the truth to say that all men have an interest in 
 being good, than that all men are good from inte- 
 rest. Swift, in his detached thoughts, observes, that 
 there are some whose self-love inclines them to 
 please others, and some whose self-love inclines 
 them to please themselves ; the first he designates 
 as the virtuous, and the second as the vicious. 
 Rousseau* saw the difficulty of the egotistical 
 
 * Rousseau was more f< nd of a paradox than Shakspeare 
 of a pun, and it is seldom that any reliance can be placed 
 upon his opinion, even if he possessed one ; thus, at the 
 very time he was ranting about liberty, he suffered this 
 
442 L A C O N . 
 
 creed, and to avoid it, divides self-lo\e into two 
 orders, a higher and a lower, a sensual and a spi- 
 ritual ; and labours to convince us that his higher 
 order of self-interest is compatible with virtue, the 
 lower not. He gives us an Hnstantia cruris?* the 
 case of the juryman who was resolved rather to 
 perish than permit the conviction of another man, 
 for a murder which he himself had perpetrated. 
 But that knowledge which is necessary, is seldom 
 abstruse, and for all practical purposes, conscience 
 is the best casuist, and to do as we would be done 
 by, the safest rule. I believe the worst man that 
 ever existed, never committed a bad action without 
 some compunction, nor a good one without some 
 delight, and he that would persuade us that both 
 are indifferent, would approximate us nearer to the 
 brute from our insensibility, than to the philosopher 
 from our stoicism. Human nature may grovel, but 
 it can also soar. We see a man deny himself to 
 gratify others, forget himself to remember others, 
 endanger himself to rescue others, and lastly die, 
 that others may live. Are we after this to sub- 
 scribe to the moralist, and write this character down 
 a selfish being, because he sought all his delights 
 and gratifications in being the source and the dis- 
 tributor, to others, of both ? 
 
 Death is the liberator of him whom freedom 
 cannot release, the physician of him whom medi- 
 cine cannot cure, and the comforter of him whom 
 time cannot console. 
 
 sentiment to escape him, in a confidential letter to a friend 
 l a mon avis le sang d-un seul homme est d'un plus gran prix 
 que la libertc de tout le genre humain. 3 
 * The experiment of the cross. — Pub. 
 
L A G O N, 443 
 
 Is the Deity able to prevent evil, but not willing — 
 where is his benevolence ? is he willing, but not 
 able — where is his power ? is he both able and wil- 
 ling — whence then is the evil 1 These formidable 
 questions, all resolving themselves into the ' unde 
 malum'* of the Epicureans, have been handed 
 down as heirlooms from one generation of skep- 
 tics to another ; a generation, that, like the family 
 of the Wrongheads, can trace back its ancestry 
 to the remotest antiquity, and who, like the Jews of 
 the present day, are confined to no meridian, cli- 
 mate, or country, but who are as obstinate in 
 rejecting all creeds, as the latter are in adhering to 
 one. Whence is evil? This is that triumphant 
 question resorted to as the trustiest weapon of the 
 infidel, when closely pushed ; a weapon produced 
 with as much solemnity as the sword which the 
 Highland chieftian exhibits as the brand of his 
 forefathers, and the title to his domains,! and 
 which is considered as terrible as ever, although 
 the stalworth hands that formerly wielded it 
 are mouldering in the dust. Whence is evil 1 I 
 will not presume to break a lance with this formi- 
 dable champion that has foiled so many, neither 
 am I quite inclined like iEneas, to escape in a 
 cloud. The method I shall adopt will be to retreat 
 fighting, and with my face to the foe. I admit the 
 existence of evil to its full extent, and I also admit 
 my own ignorance, which is not the least part of 
 the evil I deplore. I also find in the midst of all 
 
 * Whence is evil ? — Pub. 
 
 t King James held a convocation at Perth, and demanded 
 df the Scotch barons that they should produce the charters 
 Dy which they held their lands ; they all, with one simulta- 
 neous movement rose up and irew their swords. 
 
444 LACON, 
 
 this evil, a tolerably fair proportion oi good. 1 
 can discover that I did not make myself, and also 
 that the being that did make me, has shown a 
 degree of power and of wisdom far beyond my 
 powers of comprehension. I can also see so much 
 good proceeding from his system even here, 
 that I am inclined to love him ; but I can see so 
 much evil, that I am inclined also to fear him. 1 
 find myself a compound being, made up of body 
 and mind, and the union is so intimate, that the 
 one appears to perish, at the dissolution of the 
 other. In attempting to reconcile this last evil, 
 death, and the many more that lead to it, with the 
 wisdom, power, and goodness, that I see displayed 
 on many other occasions, I find that I have strong 
 aspirings after a state, that may survive this appa- 
 rent dissolution, and I find that I have this feeling 
 in common with all the rest of my species ; I 
 find also, on looking within, that I have a mind 
 capable of much higher delights than matter or 
 earth can afford. On looking still more closely 
 into myself, I find every reason to believe that this 
 is the first state of existence I ever enjoyed ; I 
 can recollect no other, I am conscious of no 
 other. Here then I stand as upon a point acknow- 
 ledged, that this world is the first stage of exist 
 ence to that compound animal man, and that it is 
 to him at least the first link in that order of things 
 in which mind is united to matter. May not then 
 this present state, be, as relates to mind, a state of 
 infancy and childhood, where the elements and 
 the rudiments of a progressive state are to be 
 received and acquired ; and may not such be neces 
 Barily a state of disc ipline ; and may not an all 
 wise and all-perfect Being take less delight ir 
 
L A C O N . 445 
 
 creating stones and blocks, and in making them 
 capable of eternal happiness, than in ultimately 
 granting this glorious boon to creatures whom he 
 had formed intellectual and responsible 1 And is 
 not this supposition far less absurd and monstrous, 
 than to conclude the Deity unjust, and the volun- 
 tary author of evil, necessary from his prescience 
 that foresaw it, yet permitted it ; and gratuitous 
 from his power, that could, yet would not prevent 
 it 1 Having arrived at these conclusions by look- 
 ing into myself, I then look to things around me, 
 and without me, and I find an external state of 
 things, corresponding precisely with these internal 
 conclusions. I find a mixed state and condition to 
 be the lot of man ; he has much of good to enjoy, 
 and much of evil to encounter, and the more or the 
 less of either I observe depends in very many 
 instances on himself I farther find that this is no 
 particular discovery of mine, that it has struck the 
 profoundest thinkers, and the justest reasoners of 
 all ages, quite as forcibly, and been much better 
 expressed. I farther see that a state of discipline 
 naturally presupposes for its proper theatre a mixed 
 state of good and of evil, since a mixed state 
 alone it is, that calls many virtues into action, 
 that could not be exercised in a state of perfection, 
 such for instance, as benevolence in alleviating the 
 miseries of others, or resignation in bearing our 
 own. In short, I find it to be precisely what I con- 
 ceive mind in its compound state might most natu- 
 rally require, namely, a state of discipline, with 
 quite enough of good to keep intellectual agents 
 from despair, and quite enough of evil to keep 
 them from presumption ; good also, not so independ- 
 ent of our exertions, as to justify our idleness 
 
446 LACON. 
 
 and evil not so necessary and unavoidable as to 
 paralyze us with despondency. 
 
 I have strong doubts as to the permission of 
 those phenomena that have been termed supernatu- 
 ral, since the era of the apostles ; and if there be 
 any who think they have witnessed such things, 
 they should reflect that there is this hazard in di- 
 vulging them — they voluntarily wedge themselves 
 up into the very awkward dilemma of being con- 
 sidered either as liars or fools. To withhold our 
 assent to such things if we have witnessed them is 
 difficult ; but to give our assent to them because they 
 have been witnessed by others, is absurd. In this 
 latter case, the reasoning of Dr. Hume will apply, 
 and is conclusive against all such phenomena sub- 
 sequent to the era stated above ; for here, we trust 
 not to experience, but to testimony, and it is con- 
 trary to our experience that such superhuman ap- 
 pearances should be true, but it is not contrary to 
 our experience that the human testimony by which 
 they are supported, should be -false. I know not 
 which is most detrimental to the happiness of man- 
 kind : to believe in such things if they have never 
 happened, or to disbelieve them if they have. But 
 it is obvious that to deny them, even in opposition 
 to our own experience, would savour less strongly 
 of presumption, than to admit them on the bare tes- 
 timony of others, would of weakness ; and the ad- 
 vocates of supernatural appearances having hap- 
 pened in modern times, are sure to be in the mi- 
 nority, not only as to number, but also as to weight. 
 
 Early impressions are not easily erased ; the 
 virgin wax is faithful to the signet, and subsequent 
 
L A C O N . 447 
 
 impressions serve rather to indent the former ones, 
 than to eradicate them. To change the metaphor, 
 we might say thac the new cask takes its odour 
 from the first wine that it receives ; what may be 
 poured in afterwards will be contained, but the 
 first is imbibed. Rousseau carried his envy, hatred, 
 and malice, of all literary contemporaries, almost 
 to phrensy. A social savage on this point, he 
 recoiled as sullenly from the courtesy of Hume as 
 from the caustic of Voltaire. This enigma in his 
 character may be solved by recollecting, that when 
 he was clerk to M. Dupin, he was not permitted to 
 dine at his table on those days that the literati 
 assembled there. Even then, he felt his own pow- 
 ers, and despised him who, ' like* the base Judean, 
 threw a pearl away richer than all his tribe.'' There- 
 fore, he commenced his campaign with no very char- 
 itable feelings for his contemporaries ; ' but entered,' 
 says Grimm, 'the field of literature, as Marius re- 
 entered Rome, breathing revenge, and remember- 
 ing the marshes of Minturnae.' 
 
 In all places, and in all times, those religionists 
 who have believed too much, have been more 
 inclined to violence and persecution than those 
 who have believed too little — I suspect the reason 
 is, that indifference is a much less active principle 
 than enthusiasm. 
 
 We seek the society of the ladies with a view to 
 be pleased, rather than to be instructed; and are 
 
 * I here allude to Rousseau's appreciation of himself > bat 
 he was a pear], I should have no objection to buy at my 
 price, if I could only sell him at his cwn. 
 

 448 L A C O N . 
 
 more gratified by those who will talk, than by those 
 that are silent ; for if they talk well, we are doubly 
 delighted to receive information from so pleasant a 
 source, and if they are at times a little out in their 
 conclusions, it is flattering to our vanity to set 
 them right. Therefore, I would have the ladies 
 indulge with somewhat less of reserve in the free- 
 dom of conversation, notwithstanding the remark 
 of him who said with more of point than of polite- 
 ness, that they were the very reverse of their own 
 mirrors : for the one reflected without talking, but 
 the other talked without reflecting. 
 
 If an author write better than his contemporaries, 
 they will term him a plagiarist ; if as well, a pre- 
 tender ; but if worse, he may stand some chance 
 of commendation, as a genius of some promise, 
 from whom much may be expected by a due atten- 
 tion to their good counsel and advice. When a 
 dull author has arrived at this point, the best thing 
 he can do for his fame, is to die before he can follow 
 it ; his brother dullards will in this case club their 
 efforts to confer upon him one year of immortality, 
 a boon which few of them could realize for them- 
 selves ; and this year of fame may be even extended 
 to two, provided the candidate can be proved to 
 have died on classic ground, and to have been 
 buried within the verge of the meanderings of the 
 Tiber, or the murmurings of the Melissus. 
 
 A. torrent of declamation, where all is sound and 
 verbiage, has often served the ends of the oppres- 
 sor, and proved more fatal to the oppressed, than 
 any force of argument or reason that could be 
 brought against him ; as an expert swimmer is in 
 
LA CON. 449 
 
 more danger from the foam of the surf, than from 
 the deepest water of the ocean ; for although the 
 former has no profundity, it has also no buoyancy, 
 neither can the voice of distress be heard amidst 
 the roar of the breakers. 
 
 The British constitution is the proudest political 
 monument of the combined and progressive wis- 
 dom of man : throughout the whole civilized world 
 its {.reservation ought to be prayed for, as a choice 
 and peerless model, uniting all the beauties of pro- 
 portion, with all the solidity of strength. But 
 nothing human is perfect, and experience has 
 shown that this proud monument of human wis- 
 dom wants that which its earlier designers had 
 conceived that it possessed ; a self-preserving 
 power. Those, therefore, are its truest friends who 
 are most vigilant and unremitting in their efforts to 
 keep it from corruption, and to guard it from decay ; 
 whose veneration, as it regards what it has been, 
 and whose affection, as it relates to what it may be, 
 is exceeded only by their fears for its safety, when 
 they reflect upon what it is. And it is a feeling as 
 dishonourable to those who entertain it, as un- 
 merited by those against whom it is entertained, to 
 suspect that those hearts and hands that are most 
 zealous and vigilant in preserving this beautiful 
 fabric from decay, would not be equally brave and 
 energetic in defending it from danger. 
 
 It is much easier to ruin a man of principle, 
 than a man of none, for he may be ruined through 
 his scruples. Knavery is supple, and can bend ; 
 but honesty is firm and upright, and yields not. 
 It was upon this ground that Bossuet, bishop of 
 38* 
 

 
 
 
 
 450 L A G O N . 
 
 Meaux, recommended Louis the Fourteenth to 
 secure the approbation of Fenelon, archbishop of 
 Cambray, as to his marriage with Madame de 
 Maintenon. 
 
 A calumniator will sometimes tell truths that are 
 injurious to himself, if, by doing so, he can gain 
 believers as to those falsehoods which he circulates 
 of another. Thus Rousseau, who had much me- 
 thod in his madness, and more malice, has shown 
 that his reputation was less dear to him than his 
 revenge ; for he bespatters himself with infamy in 
 his confessions, only to make that dirt stick the 
 stronger which he accumulates upon others, and 
 affects the greatest candour, only to exercise the 
 greatest cruelty. 
 
 The French revolution* was a machine invented 
 and constructed for the purpose of manufacturing 
 liberty ; but it had neither lever-clogs, nor adjust- 
 ing powers, and the consequences were, that it 
 worked so rapidly that it destroyed its own inven- 
 tors, and set itself on fire. 
 
 * That France, having no materials to work with, but 
 such as could be found in the heads of Frenchmen, should 
 merge into a military despotism, required no prophet to 
 foietel. Bonaparte said that on his return from Egypt, he 
 found the constitution in abeyance, and the crown upon 
 the ground. He stooped down and picked it up. He had 
 not, like Washington, the courage to spurn the glittering 
 bauble, but he had the heart to make despotism palatable. — 
 He gave to Frenchmen conquest in the room of freedom : 
 and while he contracted their liberties, enlarged their pri- 
 son; holding out to them this compensation, ' You shall be 
 masters of Eur ope , but my slaves v 
 
LAC ON. 45i 
 
 Metaphysicians have been learning their lesson 
 for the last four thousand years, and it is high time 
 that they should now begin to teach us something. 
 Can any of the tribe inform us why all the opera- 
 tions of the mind are carried on with undiminished 
 strength and activity in dreams, except the judg- 
 ment, which alone is suspended and dormant] 
 This faculty of the mind is in a state of total inef- 
 ficiency during dreams ; let any man carefully ex- 
 amine his own experience on this subject, and he 
 will find that the most glaring incongruities of time, 
 the most palpable contradictions of place, and the 
 grossest absurdities of circumstance, are most 
 glibly swallowed down by the dreamer, without the 
 slightest dissent or demurrage of the judgment. 
 The moment we are wide awake, the judgment 
 reassumes her functions, and shocks us with sur- 
 prise at a credulity that even in sleep could recon- 
 cile such a tissue of inconsistencies. I remember 
 that on conversing on this subject with a gentleman 
 of no mean acquirement, he informed me of a curi- 
 ous circumstance with respect to himself. He 
 dreamed that he saw the funeral of an intimate friend, 
 and in the continuation of the same dream, he met 
 his dead friend walking in the streets, to whom he 
 imparted the melancholy tidings without experien- 
 cing, at the time, the remotest feeling as to the mon- 
 strous absurdity of the communication; rieither 
 was his conviction of that event shaken, in the 
 slightest degree, until he awoke, by this astounding 
 proof of its falsehood. The only plausible account 
 that offers itself to my mind, as to the phenomenon 
 of this suspension of the judgment, seems to be 
 this : all dreams are a piece of vivid painting to the 
 mind's eye : we clearly see all that we dream about ; 
 
452 LACON. 
 
 there is no doubt, and of course no reasoning, for 
 the panorama is before us, and all its subjects are 
 ocula subjectajidelibus* As all dreams, so far as I 
 can recollect rny own, or find out by inquiring of 
 others, seem to be prcxluced by vivid paintings on 
 the mind's eye, it would be a matter of very curious 
 inquiry of what forms, shapes, or figures are the 
 dreams of those composed who have been born 
 blind ; do they ever dream ? and if they do, can 
 they explain what they have been dreaming about, 
 by any reference to outward objects which they 
 have never seen ? I merely suggest those hints for 
 the use of those who have leisure and opportunity 
 for such investigations. 
 
 It is curious that some learned dunces, because 
 they can write nonsense in languages that are 
 dea*d, should despise those that talk sense in lan- 
 guages that are living. * To acquire a few tongues,' 
 says a French writer, ' is the task of a few years, 
 but to be eloquent in one, is the labour of a life ' 
 
 In writing, we should be careful to introduce no 
 arguments that are controvertible ; arguments are 
 like soldiers, it is better to have a few who, like the 
 Spartans at Thermopylae, are capable of defending 
 a post, than a number like those myriads of Per- 
 sians that accompanied Xerxes, and that served 
 only to swell the triumph and augment the fame of 
 the victor. There is another reason why we should 
 be careful to have a ' corps elite' of good argu- 
 ments, rather than to increase their number by an 
 addition of any that are weak, which is this : our 
 
 * Laid befcre the faithful eyes. — Pub. 
 
LAC ON. 453 
 
 adversary will not fail to reply to tl.ose that are 
 weak, and, by overcoming them, will take the credit, 
 and often gain it too, of having conquered those 
 that are strong ; for, as in fortifications, extended 
 works are seldom without some points that are 
 weak, so in controversy, multiplied arguments are 
 seldom without some positions that are indefensi 
 ble. In conversation also, no less than in writing, 
 a rule somewhat similar to that insisted on above, 
 might be recommended, if we would wish wholly 
 to avoid the caustic sarcasm uttered by Bcntley to 
 one whose tongue, like the racehorse, went the 
 faster the less weight it carried, namely, that he 
 showed his learning to the ignorant, but his igno- 
 rance to the learned. In fact, if men would confine 
 their talk to those subjects only which they under- 
 stand, that which St. John informs us took place 
 once in heaven, would happen very frequently on 
 earth, ' silence for the space of half an hour? Hal- 
 ley, the great mathematician, dabbled not a little in 
 infidelity ; he was rather too fond of introducing this 
 subject; and once when he had descanted some- 
 what freely on it in the presence of his friend Sir 
 Isaac Newton, the latter cut him short with this 
 observation : ■ I always attend to you, Dr. Halley, 
 with the greatest deference when you do us the 
 honour to converse on astronomy or the mathe- 
 matics, because they are subjects that you have 
 industriously investigated, and which you well 
 understand ; but religion is a subject on which I 
 always hear you with pain, because this is a sub- 
 ject which you have not seriously examined, and 
 do not comprehend ; you despise it because you 
 have not studied it, and you will not study it 
 because you despise it.' 
 
454 LACON, 
 
 To cure us of our immoderate love of gain, we 
 should seriously consider how many goods there 
 are that money will not purchase, and these the 
 best; and how many evils there are that money will 
 not remedy, and these the worst. An ancient phi- 
 losopher of Athens, where the property of the 
 wealthy was open to the confiscations of the 
 informer, consoled himself for the loss of his for- 
 tune by the following reflection : f I have lost my 
 money, and with it my cares ; for when I was rich, 
 I was afraid of every poor man, but now that I am 
 poor, every rich man is afraid of me.' 
 
 A thorough-paced knave will rarely quarrel with 
 one whom he can cheat. His revenge is plunder ; 
 therefore he is usually the most forgiving of beings, 
 upon the principle that if he come to an open rup- 
 ture, he must defend himself, and this does not suit 
 a man whose vocation it is to keep his hands in the 
 pockets of another. 
 
 Ladies of fashion starve their happiness to feed 
 their vanity, and their love to feed their pride. 
 
 Great wits who pervert their talents to sap the 
 foundation of morality, have to answer for all the 
 evil that lesser wits may accomplish through their 
 means, even to the end of time. A heavy load of 
 responsibility, where the mind is still alive to do 
 mischief, when the hand it animated is dust. Men 
 of talent may make a breach in morality at which 
 men of none may enter ; as a citadel may be carried 
 by muskets after a road has been battered out for 
 them by cannon. 
 
LACON. 455 
 
 There is this of good in real evils, they deliver us 
 while they last from the petty despotism of all that 
 were imaginary. 
 
 There are many moral Actaeons who are as miser 
 ably devoured by objects of their own choosing, as 
 was the fabulous one by his own hounds. 
 
 He that threatens us, not having the power to 
 harm us, would perhaps do so if he could ; but he 
 that threatens, having the power, is not much to be 
 feared. A man in a paroxysm of passion may ex- 
 claim : * I would stab you if I had a sword !' and 
 perhaps he would be as good as his word; but he 
 that has a sword, will either use it without threaten- 
 ing, or threaten without using it. 
 
 Women of superior acquirements, and of stei- 
 ling qualifications, if they can so far forget them- 
 selves as to envy pretty fools the little attentions 
 they receive from prating coxcombs, act as ab- 
 surdly as if they were to begrudge the fly her 
 paramour, or the moth her may. Madame de 
 Stael, how r ever, has often been heard to say that 
 she would gladly have exchanged all the brightest 
 qualities of the mind for that which niggard nature 
 had denied her, the perishable but attractive beau- 
 ties of the body. A sentiment, after all, more dis- 
 creditable perhaps to our sex than to herself. 
 
 A man who succeeds to his father's reputation, 
 must be greater than him to be considered as 
 great ; but he that succeeds to his father's riches, 
 will have to encounter no such deduction. The 
 popular opinion adds to our means but diminishes 
 
456 
 
 L A C O N. 
 
 our merits ; and it is not an unsafe rule to believe 
 less than you hear with respect to a man's fortune, 
 and more than you hear with respect to his fame. 
 
 Could any nostrum be discovered that would 
 considerably lengthen the life of man, this specious 
 good would be a real evil to the best interests of 
 humanity, first, by diminishing the value of the 
 reversions of virtue, by postponing the period of 
 their realization ; and secondly, by giving longevity 
 to the development, and permanence to the pros- 
 perity of vice. 
 
 Extemporaneous and oral harangues will always 
 have this advantage over those that are read from 
 a manuscript. Every burst of eloquence or spark 
 of genius they may contain, however studied they 
 may have been beforehand, will appear to the 
 audience to be the effect of the sudden inspiration 
 of talent. Whereas similar efforts, when written, 
 although they might not cost the writer half the 
 time in his closet, will never be appreciated as any 
 thing more than the slow efforts of long study and 
 laborious application ; ' olebunt oleum, etsi non 
 oleant ;'* and this circumstance it is that gives such 
 peculiar success to a pointed reply, since the hear- 
 ers are certain, in this case, that the eloquence 
 arises ex re nata, and that the brilliancy has been 
 elicited from the collision of another mind, as 
 rapidly as the spark from the steel. 
 
 There can be no Christianity where there is no 
 charity ; but the censorious cultivate the forms of 
 
 *They will smell of oil % though they contain none. — Pua 
 
LA CON. 457 
 
 religion, that they may more freely indulge in the 
 only pleasure of their lives, that of calumniating 
 those, who to their other failings add not the sin of 
 hypocrisy. But hypocrisy can beat calumny even 
 at her own weapons, and can feign forgiveness, 
 while she feels resentment and meditates revenge. 
 
 Those who take their opinion of women from 
 the reports of a rake, will be no nearer the truth 
 than those who take their opinions of men from 
 the lips of a prostitute. 
 
 He that knowingly defends the wrong side of a 
 question, pays a very bad compliment to all his 
 hearers : it is in plain English this : t Falsehood, 
 supported by my talents, is stronger than truth sup- 
 ported by yours.' 
 
 The horrible catastrophes that sometimes happen 
 to the vicious, are as salutary to others by their 
 warning, as the most brilliant rewards of the vir- 
 tuous are by their example. And, on the contrary, 
 the successes of the bad, and the sufferings of the 
 good, might make us tremble for the interests of 
 virtue, were not these very things the strongest 
 proofs of an hereafter. 
 
 The upright, if he suffer calumny to move him, 
 fears the tongue of man more than the eye of God. 
 
 The secret of some men's attractions might be 
 safely told to all the world ; for under any other 
 management but that of the possessor, they would 
 cease to attract. Those who attempted to imitate 
 them, would find that they had got the fiddle, 
 39, 
 

 
 458 LACON. 
 
 but not the fiddlestick; the puppet-show, but not 
 punch. 
 
 How happens it that all men envy us our wealth, 
 but that no man envies us our health ? The reason 
 perhaps is this : it is very seldom that we can lose 
 our wealth without some one being the better for 
 it, by gaining that which we have lost ; but no one 
 is jealous of us on account of our health, because 
 if we were to lose that, this would be a loss that 
 betters no one. 
 
 Some men are very entertaining for a first inter- 
 view, but after that they are exhausted, and run 
 out ; on a second meeting we shall find them very 
 flat and monotonous ; like hand-organs, we have 
 heard all their tunes ; but unlike those instruments, 
 they are not new-barrelled so easily. 
 
 He that has energy enough in his constitution to 
 root out a vice, should go a little farther, and try to 
 plant a virtue in its place ; otherwise he will have 
 his labour to renew ; a strong soil that has produced 
 weeds, may be made to produce wheat with far 
 less difficulty than it would cost to make it produce 
 nothing. 
 
 Would morality suffer more from a philosopher 
 who, like Arcesilaus, decried it by his words, but 
 supported it by his deeds ; or from him who, like 
 Aristippus, gave sobriety his praise, but sensuality 
 his practice ? Some preceptors, perceiving this 
 dilemma, have run upon both the horns of it, m 
 endeavouring to escape them, and have taught us 
 
LA CON. 459 
 
 what we ought to do by their precept, and what 
 we ought not to do by their example. 
 
 When we are in the company of sensible men, 
 we ought to be doubly cautious of talking too much, 
 lest we lose two good things, their good opinion 
 and our own improvement, and disclose one thing 
 which had better have been concealed, our self- 
 sufficiency ; for what we have to say we know, 
 but what they have to say, we know not. 
 
 Pride either finds a desert, or makes one ; sub- 
 mission cannot tame its ferocity, nor satiety fill its 
 voracity, and it requires very costly food — its 
 keeper's happiness. 
 
 Love is an alchymist that can transmute poison 
 into food — and a spaniel, th^t prefers even punish- 
 ment from one hand, to caresses from another 
 But it is in love, as in war, we are often more 
 indebted for our success to the weakness of the 
 defence, than to the energy of the attack ; for 
 mere idleness has ruined more women than pas- 
 sion, vanity more than idleness, and credulity more 
 than either. 
 
 Calumny crosses oceans, scales mountains, and 
 traverses deserts, with greater ease than the Scy- 
 thian Abaris, and like him, rides upon a poisoned 
 arrow. 
 
 It is pleasant enough for a by-stander who hap- 
 pens to be in the secret, to note the double decep- 
 tion, and the reciprocal hypocrisy that is constantly 
 groins on between the young and the old, in this 
 
' 
 
 *60 
 
 LACON. 
 
 wicked and transitory world. The young are con. 
 stantly paying every kind of attention to the old, 
 without feeling the slightest esteem, and the old 
 are as constantly levying the discount of their post 
 obits from the young without intending the smallest 
 remuneration. I remember a rich old gentleman 
 at college, who constantly calculated the state of 
 his health by the rise and fall of these mercenary 
 attentions. Some little time before he died, his 
 physician would fain have persuaded him that he 
 was much better ' it would not do, he had just dis- 
 covered,' he said, ' six fatal symptoms in his own 
 case, — three presents, and three visits in one day 
 from his dear friend Mr. H. 
 
 Evils in the journey of life, are like the hills 
 which alarm travellers upon their road ; they both 
 appear great at a distance, but when we approach 
 them, we find that they are far less insurmountable 
 than we had conceived. 
 
 If a man could make gold, he would incur a 
 double danger, first from his own avarice, and 
 secondly from the avarice of other men. The 
 first would make him a slave, or the second a pri- 
 soner ; for princes and potentates would think a 
 goldmaker a very convenient member of their 
 exchequer ; and as there would be very little chance 
 of his dismissal, they would take care that be 
 should not enjoy a sinecure place. 
 
 In the preface to Lacon, I have observed that 
 there are but two modes to obtain celebrity in au- 
 thorship, discovery, or conquest. Discovery, by 
 saying: what none others have said with this pro- 
 
LACON. 461 
 
 viso, that it be true as well as new , and conquest, 
 by saying what others have said, but with more 
 point, brevity and brightness. To demand that any 
 writer, be his powers or calibre what it may, 
 should avail himself of no materials whatever, ex- 
 cept those that arise out of hi^ own resources and 
 invention, is as unjust and extravagant as it would 
 be to insist that a Michael Angelo or a Canova 
 should have no credit for a statue because they did 
 not create* the block of marble from which it was 
 produced. 
 
 ' Quies dulce est digito monstrari et dicier hie est?\ 
 Pericles overrated the paltry distinction, if he 
 were so pleased as we are told he was, by being 
 pointed out to a stranger in the streets of Athens ; 
 for the very same thing happens every day in Lon- 
 don to Cribb the champion. Yet London is a far 
 superior city to Athens, and Cribb a far inferior 
 man to Pericles. 
 
 There are some horses full of figure, that bend 
 the knee, plant the hoof, and throw in their haunches 
 to admiration, but with all these qualifications they 
 possess little or no speed, cannot carry weight, 
 and when put to the proof, are hollow beat by 
 
 * Readers of taste and candour will perceive the drift of 
 this article, and apply it, if not according to my hopes, 
 assuredly according to my deserts. I am certain it is a 
 very easy thing to find fault with a work embracing so 
 many topics as this which I have attempted, and I am as 
 certain that it would be a very useful thing to produce 
 something similar, but superior ; I shall most freely for- 
 give the one, to those who shall accomplish the other. 
 
 t- To whom 'tis sweat, 
 
 When, gaze: s pointing, whisper , ' It is he.' — Pub. 
 39* 
 
462 LACUN. 
 
 steeds of iar less showy acquirements. By the 
 gentlemen on the turf, knowing in horseflesh, these 
 animals are significantly termed flat-catchers. This 
 term should not he monopolized by quadrupeds , 
 and there is a large room in the vicinity of West- 
 minster, where some bipeds may be both heard and 
 seen, who, as they possess all the qualities stated 
 above, ought not be denied the designation. 
 
 Some men commence life in a career of honesty, 
 but meet with so many disappointments that they 
 are obliged to disrobe themselves of their conscience 
 for fear it should grow as threadbare as their coat, 
 ' Declinant cursus, aurumque volubile tollunt?* This 
 is a degradation that will happen to most men whose 
 principles are rooted only on earth, unrefreshed by 
 the dews of heaven. Such men begin well, but 
 end ill ; like a certain lawyer who, on being asked 
 why he defended so many bad causes, replied that 
 he did so because he had lost so many good ones. 
 
 It h^.s often struck me that most of those argu- 
 ments which are adduced as pregnant with conso- 
 lation under our misfortunes, are not an alleviation 
 but an aggravation of our ills, and that they derive 
 what little efficacy they possess, solely from our 
 selfishness. Thus, if our friends can prove to us 
 that the calamity under which we labour is what 
 all are liable to, that none will in the end be 
 exempted from it, and that many others are now 
 actually suffering under it ; these melancholy tru- 
 
 » They shim the race, and snatch the slippery gold. — Pub, 
 
LAUON. 4b3 
 
 isms, which are so constantly urged as matters of 
 consolation, ought rather, to a benevolent mind, to 
 be a matter of regret, unless indeed we have the 
 feelings of a Herod, who ordered many noble Jews 
 \o be executed at his death, that he might make 
 sure of some companions in calamity. There 
 would indeed be something in such reasoning, if it 
 could be proved that an evil is diminished in weight 
 by being put on many- shoulders ; but if life is a 
 campaign where no man's knapsack is one jot the 
 lighter because his comrade bears one too. My 
 fever is not diminished, because I suffer it in an 
 hospital, nor my plague, because I linger in a laza- 
 retto. Because thousands have died in the bloom 
 of youth, I am not the less unwilling to undertake 
 the same journey in the maturity of manhood. If 
 indeed my friends cite instances of those who have 
 borne calamities similar to my own, with fortitude 
 and resignation, this indeed is a proper topic on 
 which to insist, and we have a right to rejoice, 
 not because they had the same calamities* but 
 because they have borne them well. But after all, 
 I fear it must be admitted that our self-love is too 
 apt to draw some consolation even from so bitter a 
 source as the calamities of others ; and I am the 
 more inclined to think so when I consider the con- 
 verse of this proposition, and reflect on what takes 
 place within us with respect to our pleasures. 
 The sting of our pains is diminished, by the assu- 
 rance that they are common to all; but from feel- 
 ings equally egotistical, it unfortunately happens 
 that the zest and relish of our pleasures is height- 
 ened by the contrary consideration,namely that they 
 are confined to ourselves. This conviction it are that 
 tickles the palate of the epicure, that inflames the 
 

 
 464 LACOJV. 
 
 ardour of the lover, that lends ambition her ladder, 
 and extracts the thorns from a crown 
 
 Many books require no thought from those who 
 read them, and for a very simple reason ; — they 
 made no such demand upon those who wrote them. 
 Those works therefore are the most valuable, that 
 set our thinking faculties in the fullest operation. 
 For as the solar light calls forth all the latent pow- 
 ers and dormant principles of vegetation contained 
 in the kernel, but which, without such a stimulus 
 would neither have struck root downwards, nor 
 borne fruit upwards, so it is with the light that is 
 intellectual : it calls forth and awakens into energy 
 those latent principles of thought in the minds of 
 others, which without this stimulus, reflection would 
 not have matured, nor examination improved, nor 
 action imbodied. 
 
 There is only one circumstance in which the 
 upright man will imitate the hypocrite ; I mean in 
 his attempts to conciliate the good opinion of his 
 fellow-men. But here the similarity must cease, 
 for their respective motives are wider than the poles 
 asunder; the former will attempt this to increase 
 his power of doing good, the latter to augment his 
 means of doing harm. 
 
 Words are in this respect like water, that they 
 often take their taste, flavour, and character, from 
 the mouth out of which they proceed, as the water 
 from the channels through which it flows. Thus 
 were a spendthrift to discourse of generosity with 
 a miser, a demagogue to declaim on public good to 
 a patriot, or a bigot to define truth to a philoso- 
 
LACON. 465 
 
 pher, ought we to wonder if the respective parties 
 mutually misunderstood each other, since on these 
 particular terms, each is his own lexicographer, and 
 prefers his own etymologies to the industry of a 
 Skinner, the real learning of a Junius, or the 
 assumed authority of a Johnson? 
 
 Philosophy is a bully that talks rery loud, when 
 the danger is at a distance, but the moment she is 
 hard pressed by the enemy, she is not to be found 
 at her post, but leaves the brunt of the battle to be 
 borne by her humbler, but steadier comrade, Reli- 
 gion, whom on all other occasions she affects to 
 despise. 
 
 There are many that despise half the world ; but 
 if there be any that despise the whole of it, it is 
 because the other half despises them. 
 
 The man of pleasure should more properly be 
 termed the man of pain ; like Diogenes, he pur- 
 chases repentance at the highest price, and sells 
 the richest reversion for the poorest reality 
 
 Who for the most part are they, that would have 
 all mankind took backwards instead of forwards, 
 und regulate their conduct by things that have been 
 done ? Those who are the most ignorant as to all 
 things that are doing. Lord Bacon said, time is 
 the greatest of innovators ; he might also have said, 
 the greatest of improvers ; and I like Madame de 
 Stael's observation on this subject, quite as well as 
 Lord Bacon's ; it is this : ' that past, which is so 
 presumptuously brought forward as a precedent for 
 the present, was itself founded on an alteration of 
 
466 L A C N . 
 
 some past that went before it ;' and yet there are 
 not a few grown children of the present day, that 
 would blubber and pout at any attempt to deliver 
 them from the petticoat government and apron- 
 string security of their good great grandmother- 
 Antiquity. 
 
 There is a hardihood of effrontery, which will, 
 under many circumstances, supply the place of 
 courage, as impudence has sometimes passed cur- 
 rent for wit. Wilkes had much of the first, and 
 Mirabeau of the second. He received challenge 
 after challenge, but unlike Wilkes, he accepted 
 none of them, and contented himself with merely 
 noting down the names of the parties in his pocket- 
 book. ' It is not fair,' he would say, 'that a man of 
 talent, like myself, should be exposed to blockheads 
 like these.' It would seem that he had argued 
 himself into the same kind of self-importance with 
 Rousseau, who came to this very disinterested 
 conclusion, that it was incumbent upon him to take 
 the utmost possible care of Jean Jacques for the 
 good of society. 
 
 We devote the activity of our youth to revelry, 
 and the decrepitude of our age to repentance ; and 
 we finish the farce by bequeathing our dead bodies 
 to the chancel, which, when living, we interdicted 
 from the church. 
 
 Charles Fox said that restorations were the most 
 bloody of all revolutions ; and he might have added, 
 that reformations are the best mode of preventing 
 the necessity of either. 
 
LACON. 467 
 
 Some men will admit of only two sorts of excel- 
 lence, that which they can equal, and what they 
 term a still higher, that which they can surpass; 
 as to those efforts that beat them, they would deny 
 the existence of such, rather than acknowledge 
 their own defeat. They are dazzled by the rays 
 of genius, and provoked at their inability to arrive? 
 at it ; therefore, like those idolators that live too 
 far from the temple, they form and fashion out a 
 little leaden image of their own, before which they 
 fall down and worship. 
 
 Age and love associate not ; if they are ever 
 allied, the firmer the friendship, the more fatal is 
 its termination ; and an old man, like a spider,* 
 can never make love, without beating his own 
 deathwatch. 
 
 The interests of society often render it expedient 
 not to utter the whole truth, the interests of science 
 never : for in this field we have much more to fear 
 from the deficiency of truth, than from its abun- 
 dance. Some writers, and even on subjects the 
 most abstruse, write so as to be understood by 
 others ; firstly, because they understand them- 
 selves,and secondly, because they withhold nothing 
 from the reader, but give him all that they them- 
 selves possess. For I have before observed, that 
 clear ideas are much more likely to produce clear 
 expressions, than clear expressions are to call out 
 
 * It may not be generally known that the male spider is 
 supplied with a little bladder, somewhat similar to a drum, 
 and that ticking noise which has been termed the death- 
 watch, is nothing more than the sound he makes upon his 
 little apparatus, in order to serenade and allure his mistress. 
 
468 LACON. 
 
 clear ideas, but to minds of the highest order, these 
 two things are reciprocally to each other, both 
 cause and effect, producing an efficiency in mind, 
 somewhat similar to momentum in machinery 
 where the weight imparts continuation to the velo- 
 city, and the velocity imparts power to the weight. 
 In science, therefore, the whole truth must be told. 
 The boldest political writer of the last century was 
 once asked by a friend of his, a brother author in 
 the bargain, how it happened that whatever came 
 from his pen excited so great a sensation, and was 
 instantly read by every one, l whereas, 1 added his 
 friend, ' when I write any thing no such effects are 
 discernible.' 'Sir', said the former in reply, 'if I were 
 to take a shoe, and cut it longitudinally, into two 
 equal parts, and then show one of the parts so cut, 
 to a savage, and ask him what it was intended for, 
 he would twist it and turn it about in all directions, 
 and presently hand it back again to me, saying he 
 was quite puzzled, and could not say for what it was 
 meant ; but if I were to show the same savage the 
 whole shoe, instead of the half one, he would 
 instantly reply chat it was meant for the foot. And 
 this is the difference between you and me — you 
 show people half the truth, and nobody knows 
 what it is meant for ; but I show them the whole of 
 the truth, and then every body knows that it is 
 meant for the head? 
 
 When articles rise, the consumer is the first that 
 suffers, and w r hen they fall, he is the last that gains 
 
 Bed* is a bundle of paradoxes : we go to it with 
 
 * As a proof that indulgence in bed has a two-fold ten- 
 dency to shorten life, I shall here observe that Sir Johr 
 
L A C O IN . 469 
 
 reluctance, yet we quit it with regret ; and we make 
 up our minds every night to leave it early, but we 
 make up our bodies every morning to keep it late. 
 
 ' Evertere domus totas optantibus ipsis, 
 Diifaciles? 
 
 Nothing is more frequent than the verification of 
 ihis line of the satirist ; and our history is little more 
 than an exemplification of the truth it contains. With 
 toil and trouble, Ganger and difficulty, we pass our 
 lives either in pursuing evil, under the semblance 
 of good, or of fleeing good, under the semblance 
 of evil ; desiring that which we ought to dread, 
 
 Sinclair, in his remarks on longevity, discovered that it was 
 incompatible with every walk of life, with every profession, 
 habit, or occupation, save and except the peculiar cases of 
 those engaged in manufactories of articles of a deleterious 
 and destructive nature; as, for instance, the oxydizing of 
 some of the metals. Old men, it would seem, were to be 
 found amongst those who had travelled and those who had 
 never been out of their own parish. Excess could produce 
 her veterans, no less than temperance, since some had kept 
 off the grim tyrant by libations of wine, as successfully as 
 others by potations of water, and some by copious applica- 
 tions of brandy and of gin, seem to have kept off their 
 summons to the land of spirits. In short, it appeared that 
 many, who agreed in scarcely any thing else, agreed in 
 having attained longevity. But there were only two ques- 
 tions, in which they all agreed, and these two questions, 
 when put, were always answered in the affirmative, by the 
 oldest of those Greenwich and Chelsea pensioners to whom 
 they were proposed. The questions were thus : were you 
 descended from parents of good stamina ? and, have you been 
 in the habit of early rising? Early rising, therefore, noi 
 only gives us morejife in the same number of our years, 
 but add^ likewise to their number : and not only enables 
 us to enjoy more of existence in the same measure of time, 
 but increases also her measure. 
 40 
 
470 L A C O N . 
 
 and dreading that which we ought to desire ; em- 
 bracing that which turns out a torment, and avoid- 
 ing that which would become a cure. The reason 
 is to be found in our own vanity, which dictates 
 unto us, that we are wiser than nature, or nature's 
 God ; who nevertheless can humble us in spite of 
 all our pride, foil us in spite of all our wisdom, but 
 who can also, in spite of all our presumption, pardon, 
 and in spite of all our folly, save us. Pilgrimages 
 were performed, masses were muttered, and solemn 
 supplications made, to ensure a male heir to the 
 second James : the prayers of the righteous pre- 
 vailed, and no true Catholic doubted of the cause. 
 But what was the consequence ? this heir, the ob- 
 ject of the father's fondest hopes, and fervent 
 prayers, proved his ruin ; for this event united the 
 whole kingdom in the firmness of despair against 
 the monarch. The nation was prepared to tolerate 
 a Catholic ascendency for the life of James, but 
 they now saw in the gift of an heir, all hopes of a 
 Protestant succession blasted and withered before 
 their eyes ; the people rallied and the monarch 
 fled. If we were inclined to come nearer to our 
 own times, for an elucidation of the positions stated 
 above, we might affirm that a matrimonial con- 
 nexion witji the proudest and the oldest dynasty in 
 Europe, was an event which Napoleon might have 
 been at first suspected to have indulged in, rathei 
 as a gaudy creature of his imagination, than either 
 the legitimate object of his ambition, or the attain- 
 able idol of his hope. It was realized ; but our 
 adventurer soon found, like him who sighed ioi 
 Juno, that in possessing himself of the royal dame, 
 he had embraced a cloud, fraught with darkness 
 
LACON. 4? J 
 
 that eclipsed his glory, and thunders that destroyed 
 his throne. The creature and the champion of a 
 new order of things, when he deserted that cause, 
 he was nothing ; suspected by his old associates, 
 and despised by his new ones, he was wrong when 
 he told an English nobleman at Elba, that he owed 
 his downfall to one thing alone, ' that of having 
 given kings credit for gratitude ;' a simpler cause 
 might have been assigned, that of not having given 
 Frenchmen credit for memory. 
 
 That state of imperturbility affected by some 
 of the ancients, and particularly by those of the 
 school of Zeno, is more likely to make men stocks 
 and stones, than saints or seraphs ; and to root 
 hem more deeply in earth, rather than to exalt 
 hem to heaven. For it is far more easy not to feel, 
 Jian always to feel rightly, and not to act, than 
 always to act well. He that is determined to ad- 
 mire only that which is beautiful, imposes a much 
 harder task upon himself, than he that being de- 
 termined not to see that which is the contrary, 
 effects it, by simply shutting his eyes. 
 
 Are the interests of science best promoted by a 
 monarch, who, like the fourteenth Louis, rewards 
 the efforts of science without enjoying them, or by 
 one who, like the second Charles, has taste to 
 enjoy her efforts, but not liberality to reward them ? 
 It is well when both the taste to appreciate, and 
 the inclination to encourage, are united in a royal 
 head ; they form the brightest jewels in the dia- 
 dem, each giving and receiving lustre from each. 
 
472 LA CON. 
 
 1 Vox Populi, Vox Dei? The voice of the 
 people is the voice of God. This axiom has mani- 
 fold exceptions, and 'Populus vult decipi^is some- 
 times much nearer the truth ; Horace was of the 
 same opinion, when he extolled that inflexible 
 integrity which was not to be influenced by the 
 ' Civium ardor prava jubentium.'f The fury of the 
 citizens insisting on that which was wr^.g. But 
 this voice of the people has not only been violent 
 where it was wrong, but weak and inefficient where 
 it was right ; for the million, though they are some 
 times as strong as Samson, are also as blind. It 
 happens, that most of those great events, which 
 have been pregnant with consequences of the 
 highest import to aftertimes, have been carried 
 not with the voice of the people, but against it \ 
 they have been carried by active and enlightened 
 minorities, having the means, in open contradiction 
 to the will and the wishes of the majority. These 
 political and moral whirlwinds, eventually produc- 
 tive of good, have proceeded in direct opposition to 
 the breath of public opinion, as thunderclouds 
 against the wind. But to show the truth of the 
 position stated above, that popular opinion has been 
 but weak and inefficient, even when it was right, 1 
 might, without danger of being contradicted, affirm, 
 that if heads could have been fairly counted, Socra- 
 tes would not have been sacrificed in Athens, nor 
 Charles in England, nor Lewis in France ; Rome 
 would not have been deluged in blood by proscrip- 
 tions at the instigation of a cruel triumvirate, who 
 met to sacrifice friendship at the shrine of revenge , 
 
 * The people lovt to be deceived. — Pi t b. 
 
 t The fury of the mob. ever demanding what is wrong. — Pub 
 
LACON. 473 
 
 neither would Paris have been disgraced by judi* 
 cial murders, conducted by such a wretch as 
 Robespierre, who had nothing brave about him 
 but the boldness with which he believed in the 
 want of that quality in others. These things are, 
 if possible,- more degrading to the people that per- 
 mit them, than to the parties that perform them, 
 and that era which was termed the reign of terror, 
 has been more fitly designated as * the reign of 
 cowardice? 
 
 It has been asked whether we are in the dotage, 
 or the infancy of science. A question that involves 
 its own answer ; not in the infancy, because we 
 have learnt much ; not in the dotage, because we 
 have much to learn. The fact is, we are in a 
 highly progressive state of improvement; and it 
 is astonishing, in how geometrical a ratio the march 
 of knowledge proceeds. Each new discovery 
 affords fresh light to guide us to the exploration of 
 another, until all the dark corners of our ignorance 
 are visited by the rays. Things apparently obscure, 
 have ultimately illustrated even those that are obvi- 
 ous ; thus the alchymist, in his very failures, has 
 enlightened the chymist ; and the visionary astro- 
 loger, though constantly false in his prophecies, 
 as to those little events going on upon the earth, 
 has enabled the astronomer truly to predict those 
 great events that are taking place in the heavens. 
 Thus it is that one experiment diffuses its sparks 
 for the examination of a second, each assisting 
 each, and all the whole. Discussion and investi- 
 gation are gradually accomplishing that for the 
 intellectual light, which refraction and reflection 
 have ever done for the solar ; and it is now neither 
 
474 LA CON. 
 
 hopeless nor extravagant to anticipate that glorious 
 era, when truth herself shall have climbed the 
 zenith of her meridian, and shall refresh the nations 
 with her ' day-spring from on high. 9 
 
 Nations wall more readily part with the essen- 
 tials, than with the forms of liberty ; and Napoleon 
 might have died, an emperor in reality, if he had 
 been contented to have lived a consul in name. 
 Had Cromwell displayed his hankerings for royalty 
 somewhat sooner than he did, it is not improbable 
 that he would have survived his power. i\lr. Pitt 
 gained a supremacy in this country, which none of 
 his predecessors dared to hope, and which none of 
 his successors will, I trust, attempt to attain. For 
 twenty years, he was * de facto,' not l de jure? a 
 king. But he was wise in his generation, and took 
 care to confine the swelling stream of his ambition 
 to channels that were constitutional; and with 
 respect to the impurity, the filth, and the corruption 
 of those channels, he trusted to the vast means he 
 possessed of alarming the weak, blinding the acute, 
 bribing the mercenary, and intimidating the bold . 
 confiding his own individual security to that self- 
 ishness inherent in our nature, which dictates to 
 the most efficient mind, to have too much respect 
 for itself to become a Catiline, and too little esteem 
 for others to become a Cato. There was a short 
 period in the Roman history when that nation enjoy- 
 ed as much liberty as is compatible with the infirmi- 
 ties of humanity. Their neighbours, the Athenians, 
 had much of the form, but little of the substance 
 of freedom ; disputers about this rich inheritance, 
 rather than enjoyers of it, the Athenians treated 
 liberty, as schismatics religion, where the tmn 
 
LACON. 475 
 
 benefits of both, have been respectively lost 
 to each, by their rancorous contentions about 
 them. 
 
 It is a dangerous experiment to call in gratitude 
 as an ally to love. Love is a debt, which inclina- 
 tion always pays, obligation never ; and the mo- 
 ment it becomes lukewarm and evanescent, remi- 
 niscences on the score of gratitude serve only to 
 smother the flame by increasing the fuel. 
 
 Subtlety will sometimes give safety, no less 
 than strength ; and minuteness has sometimes 
 escaped, where magnitude would have been crush- 
 ed. The little animal that kills the Boa, is for- 
 midable chiefly from its insignificance, which is 
 incompressible by the folds of its antagonist. 
 
 ft would be better for society if the memory of 
 the giver were transferred to the receiver, and the 
 oblivious forgetfulness of the obliged were con- 
 signed to the breast of him that confers the obli- 
 gation. 
 
 The pride of ancestry is a superstructure of the 
 most imposing height, but resting on the most 
 flimsy foundation. It is ridiculous enough to 
 observe the hauteur with which the old mobility 
 look down on the new. The reason of this puzzled 
 me a little, until I began to reflect that most titles 
 are respectable, only because they are old ; if new, 
 they would be despised, because all those who 
 now admire the grandeur of the stream, would see 
 nothing but the impurity of the source. But a 
 government that is pure and paternal, confers the 
 
476 L A C O N . 
 
 highest value, even on the cheapest things, simply 
 by the mode of bestowing them : while a govern- 
 ment that is selfish and corrupt, renders the most 
 precious things the most despicable, by a base and 
 unworthy appropriation. The wearer of the mural 
 wreath or civic crown, would feel degraded by an 
 association with some that glitter in the golden 
 garter or the diamond star. 
 
 t _ Cuperet lustrari, si qua darentur 
 
 Sulphur a cum tadis, et siforet humida laurus?* 
 
 The covetous man reverses the principle on 
 which iEsop chose his burthen, and oppresses him- 
 self with a heavier load of provision the nearer he 
 gets to the end of his journey. 
 
 Magnanimity is incompatible with a very pro 
 found respect for the opinions of others, on any 
 occasion, and more particularly where they happen 
 to stand between us and the truth. Had Jesus 
 respected all the forms, usages, ceremonies, and 
 tenets of his countrymen, there had been no 
 redemption : and had Luther been biassed by the 
 opinions of his contemporaries, by the dogmas of 
 synods, the creeds of councils, or the authority of 
 titles, there had been no reformation. 
 
 If you want enemies, excel others ; if you 
 want friends, let others excel you. There is a dia- 
 bolical trio, existing in the natural man, implacable, 
 inextinguishable, co-operative, and consentaneous, 
 pride, envy, and hate. Pride, that makes us 
 
 * He would desire a survey to be made, to see if torches and 
 brimstone could be found, and if the laurel was moist. — Pub. 
 
L A C O N . 477 
 
 fancy we deserve all the goods that others possess ; 
 Envy, that some should be admired, while we are 
 overlooked ; and Hate, because all that is bestowed 
 on others, diminishes the sum that we think due to 
 ourselves. 
 
 It is far more easy to pull down, than to build 
 up, and to destroy than to preserve. Revolutions 
 have on this account been falsely supposed to be 
 fertile of great talent ; as the dregs rise to the top, 
 during a fermentation, and the lightest things are 
 carried highest by the whirlwind. And the prac- 
 tice of this proposition bears out the theory ; for 
 demagogues have succeeded tolerably well in mak- 
 ing ruins; but the moment they begin to build 
 anew from the materials that they have overthrown, 
 they have often been uselessly employed with 
 regard to others, and more often dangerously with 
 regard to themselves. 
 
 Fracta co?npage ruebant^* 
 
 Of present fame think little, and of future less. 
 The praises that we receive after we are buried, 
 like the posies that are strewn over our graves, 
 may be gratifying to the living, but they are nothing 
 to the dead ; the dead are gone, either to a place 
 where they hear them not, or where, if they do, 
 they will despise them. 
 
 We strive as hard to hide our hearts from our- 
 selves, as from others, and always with more suc- 
 cess : for in deciding upon our own case, we are 
 both judge, jury, and executioner ; and where 
 
 * The bands being broken the structure fell. — Pub. 
 
478 LACON, 
 
 sophistry cannot overcome the first, or flattery the 
 second ; self-love is always ready to defeat the sen* 
 tence by bribing the third ; a bribe that in this case 
 is never refused, because she always comes up to 
 the price. 
 
 As large garrisons are most open to multifarious 
 points of attack, and bloated bodies expose a large 
 surface to the shafts of disease, so also unwieldy 
 and overgrown establishments only afford an en- 
 larged area for plunder and peculation. He whom 
 many serve, will find that he must .also serve many, 
 or be himself disserved ; and the head of a large 
 establishment is too often only the head of a gang 
 of petty conspirators, who are eternally plotting 
 against their chief. 
 
 It has been considered a matter of the greatest 
 difficulty to reconcile the foreknowledge of God 
 with the free agency of man. I shall venture a 
 few remarks on this subject, which will be under- 
 stood, I hope, by every one, and may be assented 
 to perhaps by some. The difficulty of this ques- 
 tion I humbly conceive to lie principally, if not 
 wholly, in our misappropriation of the term fore- 
 knowledge. The truth is, that foreknowledge 
 belongs unto man, not unto God. Foreknowledge 
 must of necessity, and from its very nature, belong 
 solely to creatures of time, to finite and created 
 intellects, but not to that intellect that is infinite, 
 and creates. It is most probable that there are 
 many orders and degrees of finite and created 
 intellectual beings, and to all of them foreknow- 
 ledge, in a higher or lower degree, may belong ■ but 
 
LACON. 479 
 
 we can trace it only in man ; in man it may be 
 found under various modifications, but mostly in a 
 very infantine and imperfect state, having much 
 more to do with probabilities than with certainties, 
 whether it enable the peasant to foretel a storm, or 
 the philosopher an eclipse. Foreknowledge, there- 
 fore, as it exists in man, can extend its views no 
 farther into time, as compared with eternity, than 
 the snail his horns into space, as compared with 
 infinity. But to attribute the faculty of foreknow- 
 ledge to God, this I conceive is to degrade rather 
 than to exalt him : that which is past, and thai 
 which is to come, are both to him one eternal now: 
 he sees every thing, he foresees nothing, for futu- 
 rity itself is present with him. Before or aftei; 
 far or near, above or below, these are all intelligible 
 terms, when applied to things created, and which 
 exist in time and in space ; but these terms apply 
 not to the omniscient, self-existent, eternal, and 
 omnipresent Creator. To admit the omnipresence 
 of God in space, but to deny his omniscience in 
 time, is to half dethrone him. All ideas therefore 
 of succession as to time, and of distance as to 
 space, relate not unto God, but unto man. God is 
 at once, l first, last, midst, and without end ;' and 
 time itself is but a drop in that ocean of eternity, 
 which he alone both fills and comprehends. All 
 things therefore are present to Him ; the motive no 
 less than the moment, the action no less than the 
 man. To a being that is omnipresent in time, all 
 future actions may be looked upon as done : they 
 are seen therefore because they are done, not done 
 because they are seen ; and if this be true, it follows, 
 that foreknowledge, as applied to God, with its 
 necessary deduction ; foreordination, as applied to 
 
480 L A C O N . 
 
 man, with all its lame conclusions and libertine 
 consequences, falls a baseless fabric to the ground. 
 
 Ignorance lies at the bottom of all human know- 
 ledge, and the deeper we penetrate, the nearer we 
 arrive unto it. For what do we truly know, or what 
 can we clearly affirm, of any one of hose impor- 
 tant things upon which all our reasonings must of 
 necessity be built — time and space, life and death, 
 matter and mind ? Of matter and of mind, one 
 philosopher has no less absurdly than irrefutably, 
 proved the non-existence of the first, and thousands 
 have attempted to prove the annihilation of the 
 last. Common sense however punishes all depar- 
 tures from her, by forcing those who rebel against 
 her, into a desperate war with all facts and expe- 
 rience, and into a civil war still more terrible, with 
 each other and with themselves ; for we retain both 
 our bodies and our souls, in spite of the skeptics, 
 and find, 
 
 1 That parts destroyed diminish not the whole, 
 Though Berkley take the body, Hume the soul.' 
 
 But it is not to be wondered at, that those work 
 men should blunder who know so little of their 
 tools, and that untenable theories, should be the 
 consequence of building by rules whose principles 
 are erroneous, and with materials, whose proper- 
 ties are not understand ; for the tower of Babel is 
 not the only monument of human pride, that has 
 failed from human ignorance. Alas ! what is man ? 
 Whether he be deprived of that light which is from 
 on high, or whether he discard it, a frail and trem- 
 bling creature ; standing on time, that bleak and 
 narrow isthmus between two eternities, he sees 
 nothing but impenetrable darkness on the one hand > 
 
LAC ON. 48) 
 
 and doubt, distrust, and conjecture still more per- 
 plexing, on the other. Most gladly would he take 
 an observation, as to whence he has come, or 
 whither he is going ; alas ! he has not the means : 
 his telescope is too dim, his compass too wavering, 
 his plummet too short. Nor is that little spot, his 
 present state, one whit more intelligible, since it 
 may prove a quicksand that may sink in a moment 
 from his feet ; it can afford him no certain reckoning, 
 as to that immeasurable ocean that he may have 
 traversed, or that still more formidable one that he 
 must: an awful expedition, that is accelerated by 
 every moment by which it is delayed. Neither is 
 the outfit less gloomy or less forbidding than the 
 royage itself: the bark is a coffin ; the destination, 
 darkness ; and the helmsman, death. 
 
 Christianity has been emphatically termed the 
 social religion, and society is the proper sphere of 
 all its duties, as the ecliptic is of the sun. Society 
 is a sphere that demands all our energies, and 
 deserves all that it demands. He, therefore, that 
 retires to cells and to caverns, to stripes and to 
 famine, to court a more arduous conflict, and to win 
 a richer crown, is doubly deceived ; the conflict is 
 less, the reward is nothing. He may indeed win a 
 race, if he can be admitted to have done so, who 
 had no competitors, because he chose to run alone ; 
 but he will be entitled to no prize, because he ran 
 out of the course. ' Who hath required this at your 
 hands V This single question ought to have made 
 the ascetic pause, before he weaved his horsehair, 
 or platted his thong. — Alas ! how has the social 
 and cheerful spirit of Christianity been perverted 
 by fools at one time, and by knaves at another; by 
 
482 L A C O N 
 
 the self-tormentors of the cell, or the all-tormentors 
 of the conclave. In this enlightened age, we 
 despise perhaps the absurdities of the one, and the 
 atrocities of the other. The day is gone by when 
 saints could post to paradise by the smack of their 
 own whip, as if virtue, like beauty, were only skin- 
 deep, and devotion, like a top, could not te kept up 
 but by flogging ; as though the joys of heaven, like 
 the comforts of an inn, required to be heightened 
 by the privations of the journey, and the ruggedness 
 of the road. But after we have laughed at these 
 things, let us look a little seriously at ourselves. 
 Are there no other words ending in ism, that arc 
 now creating as many self-tormentors as Catholicism 
 has lost ? Are there no protestants who are theii 
 own popes ? and are there no dissenters from truth, 
 as well as from error 1 Are there none whom Cal 
 vin has placed upon a spiritual pinnacle far moro 
 giddy and aspiring than the marble pillar of St. 
 Simeon 1 and are there none whom ne torments 
 with the scorpion-stings of a despair ten times more 
 horrible than the whips of St. Dominic ; who have 
 perhaps escaped the melancholy of madness, only 
 by exchanging it for the presumption of pride ; 
 denying that eternal mercy to others, of which they 
 themselves also once despaired, as though tha* 
 were a fountain that thirst could diminish, or num- 
 ber exhaust? 
 
 Warburton affirms that there never was a great 
 conqueror, legislator, or founder of a religion, who 
 had not a mixture of enthusiasm and policy in ms 
 composition : enthusiasm to influence the public 
 mind, and policy to direct it. As I mean to con- 
 fine myself, iv this article, to war and warriors, J 
 
LACON 433 
 
 think it right to premise, that policy is a much more 
 common ingredient, in such characters, than enthu- 
 siasm. I admit, that in some particular idiosyn 
 crasies, as for instance in that of Cromwell, or of 
 Mahomet, this heterogeneous mixture may have 
 been combined ; but even then, these contradictory 
 elements, like oil and vinegar, required a constant 
 state of motion, and of action, to preserve their 
 coalescence ; in a state of inaction, and of repose, 
 it was no longer a union, but the policy invariably 
 got the ascendency of the enthusiasm. William 
 the Third, on the contrary, and Washington, united 
 three great essentials, much more homogeneous 
 than those insisted on by Warburton : courage, 
 coolness, and conduct ; but enthusiasm is the last 
 thing I should impute to either of these men. If 
 we look into White's institutes of Tamerlane, or, 
 more properly speaking, of Timour the lame, we 
 shall find that there never was a character who had 
 less to do with enthusiasm, than this Tartar hero, 
 nor that despised it more. His whole progress 
 was but one patient and persevering application of 
 means to ends, causes to consequences, and effects 
 to results. Without the slightest particle of any 
 thing visionary or enthusiastic in himself, and with 
 a certain quantum of contempt for these qualities 
 in others, he commenced his career by being a lame 
 driver of camels, and terminated it by reigning 
 over twenty-six independent principalities. There- 
 fore we must not take every thing for gospel that 
 comes from the pen of such a writer as Warburton, 
 who on one occasion shuddered at the skeptical 
 doctrines of antiquity, as subversive of the estab 
 lished gods of Athens I But to return to wai, 
 ■md warriors There are some ideas afloat on this 
 
484 LAC ON. 
 
 subject, that I cannot help conceiving to be both 
 ruinous md wrong. I shall not despair of produ- 
 cing my own convictions on this subject with that 
 portion of my readers who think with me, that 
 every war of mere ambition, aggression, or aggran- 
 dizement, is an evil both hateful and degrading; 
 who think it a nuisance that ought to be abated, 
 and who abominate every thing appertaining thereto, 
 or connected therewith. Considered in the abstract, 
 and unconnected with all views of the causes for 
 which it may be undertaken, surely war is an evil 
 that none but a misanthrope could conscientiously 
 rejoice in, or consistently promote. But all men 
 think not thus , there are minds, and powerful ones, 
 too, endowed with a right feeling on every other 
 subject, who seem to labour under some mental 
 hallucination on this. In the first place, I am so 
 unfortunate as not to be able to discover those mar- 
 vellous efforts of talent, gigantic combinations of 
 power, and exuberant fertility of resource, which 
 some would persuade us are essential to great 
 commanders, and confined to them alone.* But 
 
 * With the exception of Victor, Marmont, and Suchet, all 
 the modern French generals have been men of no very 
 splendid intellectual or adscititious endowments : the rudi- 
 ments of all they know > they seemed to have gained in the 
 ranks, and to have gleaned all their talents in the field 
 wherein they were exerted. In one respect these men 
 were superior to their masters ; but it was on a point where 
 courage was more prominent than talent ; they said to their 
 soldiers : 'Come on;' their master sometimes contented him- 
 self with saying: ' Go on. 1 Napoleon himself had great talent, 
 and to deny him this would be a gross libel on mankind ; it 
 would be no less than an admission that all Europe had for 
 fourteen years been outfought in the field, and outwitted in 
 the cabinet, by a blockhead. But when we have allowed 
 him talent, we have allowed him all that he deserves. 1 
 
LA CON. 485 
 
 setting aside the truism, that fortune, though blind, 
 has often led the most sharpsighted hero to that 
 victory which he would have lost without her, what 
 qualities are there in a conqueror which have not 
 been held in common by the captain of a smuggler's 
 crew, or a chief of banditti ? The powers of these 
 latter have been exhibited on a narrower stage, 
 rewarded by a less illustrious exaltation, and 
 recorded in a more inglorious calendar. With 
 
 confess there is one thing that excites in me the greatest 
 astonishment, which causes me to wonder with exceeding 
 wonder, ^eyaAcj davfxan davfiaTi^ojsevos,' and that is the cir- 
 cumstance, that any lover of rational liberty, or constitu- 
 tional freedom throughout the whole civilized world, should 
 be found in the list of this man's admirers. To everv thing 
 connected with freedom he was the most systematic and 
 deliberate foe that ever existed upon the face of the earth. 
 No human being was ever intrusted with such ample means 
 and brilliant opportunities for establishing his own true 
 glory and the solid happiness of others : and where can 
 history point out one that so foully perverted them to his own 
 disgrace, and the misery of his fellow-men 7 He has been 
 described by one who witnessed only the commencement of 
 his career, as the 'child and champion of Jacobinism; 1 
 but if he were the child of Jacobinism, he was the champion 
 of despotism ; and those who wished to rivet the chains of 
 slavery, chose a paradoxical mode of forwarding the work, 
 by opposing the workman. This therefore is the man 
 whom I cannot find it in my heart, either to pity or to 
 praise. — Are we to praise him for that suicidal selfishness 
 that dictated his treachery to Spain, and his march to Mos- 
 cow 1 Are we to pity him because, having ceased to be a 
 field-officer, he could not begin to be a philosopher ; but 
 having books to read )Si ample matter to reflect upon, men to 
 talk to, women to trifle with, horses to ride, and equipages 
 to command, he died at last of ennui upon a rock, from a 
 cause not the most likely to excite the sympathy of the 
 patriot nor the regret of the philanthropist 1 it was this : 
 that Europe would not supply him with any more throats 
 to cut or provinces to plunder. 
 
486 LACON. 
 
 some few exceptions, he is the ablest general that 
 can practise the greatest deceit, and support it by 
 the greatest violence ; who can best develop the 
 designs of others, and best conceal his own ; who 
 can best enact both parts of hypocrisy, by simula* 
 ting to be what he is not and dissembling that which 
 he is : persuading his adversary that he is most 
 strong when he is most weak, and most weak 
 when he is in fact most strong. He is not to be 
 over scrupulous as to the justice of his cause, foj 
 might is his right and artillery his argument ; with 
 the makeweight of courage thrown into the scale, 
 there are few requisites for a Jonathan Wild or a 
 Turpin, that are not equally necessary for a Tip- 
 poo or a Tamerlane. The difference is less ki the 
 things than in the names. Thus, the callous 
 effrontery of the one becomes the coolest presence 
 of mind in the other ; fraud is dignified by the title 
 of skill, and robbery with that of requisition. To 
 plot the death of an individual, is a conspiracy, but 
 to confederate to destroy a people, is a coalition ; 
 and pillage and murder seem to lose their horrors, 
 in precise proportion to the magnitude of their scale 
 and tho multitude of their victims. But a consum- 
 mate captain must have courage, or at least be 
 thought to have it ; for courage, like charity, covers 
 a multitude of sins : and he is by common consent 
 allowed to sport with the lives of others, who is 
 supposed to have no value for his own. But the 
 time is fast approaching with the many, and now is 
 with the few, when mere military talent, abstract- 
 edly considered, and without any reference to the 
 ends for which it be displayed, will hardly secure its 
 possessor a glory more longlived than a gazette, or 
 a memorial more splendid than a signpost. The 
 
LAC ON. 487 
 
 fact is, that posterity has and will appreciate the 
 merit of great commanders, not by the skill with 
 which they have handled their tools, but by the 
 vses to which they have applied them. Suppose 
 we were to grant that the art of cutting throats 
 \cere a very difficult art, yet even then the merits 
 of this art must be measured, not by its diffi 
 culty, but by its utility ; and the value of the 
 remedy must be adjusted by the propriety of the 
 application : but in resorting to such a remedy 
 as war, I suspect that it will be found that all 
 the difficulties of such phlebotomy belong to the 
 patient, but the facilities to the surgeon. Mere 
 martial glory, independent of all considerations 
 as to the necessity and the justice of our 
 arms, is now fast descending, with many other 
 worn-out fooleries, to the tomb of all the Capulets, 
 where, attended by bankrupt agents, disgorged 
 contractors, and starving commissaries, let us pray 
 that, with all due military honours, it may be 
 speedily buried and embalmed ; let hireling poets 
 indite its dirge, and meddling monks say masses 
 for its soul. All wars of interference, arising from 
 an officious intrusion into the concerns of the other 
 states ; all wars of ambition, carried on for the pur- 
 poses of aggrandizement ; and all wars of aggres- 
 sion, undertaken for the purpose of forcing an assent 
 to this or that set of religious opinions ; all such 
 wars are criminal in their very outset, and have 
 hypocrisy for their common base. 
 
 First, there is the hypocrisy of encumbering our 
 neighbour with an officiousness of help, that pre- 
 tends his good, but means our own ; then there is 
 the hypocrisy of ambition, where some restless and 
 grasping potentate, knowing that he is about to 
 
488 LAC ON. 
 
 injure and insult, puts forth a Jesuitical preamble, 
 purporting that he himself has been first insulted 
 and injured ; but nations have the justest cause to 
 feel a fear that is real, when such begin to express 
 a fear that is feigned. Then comes the hypocrisy 
 of those who would persuade us that to kill, burn, 
 and destroy, for conscience's sake, is an acceptable 
 service, and that religion is to be supported by 
 trampling under foot those primary principles of 
 love, charity, and forbearance, without which it were 
 better to have none. Lastly, comes a minor and 
 subordinate hypocrisy, common to the three kinds 
 I have stated above; I mean that of those who 
 pretend most deeply to deplore the miseries of war, 
 and who even weep over them, with the tears of 
 the crocodile, but who will not put a stop to war, 
 although they have the means, because they find 
 their own private account in continuing it, from the 
 emoluments it bestows and from the patronage it 
 confers. Like Fabius, they also profit by delay, 
 4 cunctando restituere rem] but they do so with a 
 very different motive, not to restore the shattered 
 fortunes of their country, but their own. Neither 
 must we forget, in this view of our subject, the raw 
 and ignorant recruit, whom to delude and to kidnap, 
 a whole system of fraud and hypocrisy is marshalled 
 out and arrayed. The grim idol of war is tricked 
 out and flounced in all the colours of the rainbow : 
 the neighing steed awaits her nod, music attends 
 her footsteps, and jollity caters at her board ; but 
 no sooner is the sickle exchanged for the sword 
 and the fell contract signed, than he finds that this 
 Bellona, whom he had wooed as a goddess in court 
 ship, turns out to be a demon in possession ; thai 
 
LACON. 489 
 
 terror is her constant purveyor, and that her alter- 
 nate caterers are privation and waste ; that her 
 sojourn is with the slain, and her abode with the 
 pestilence ; that her fascinations are more fatal 
 than those of the basilisk ; that her brightest smile 
 is danger, and that her warmest embrace is death. 
 We are told that civilization marches in the rear 
 of conquest, and that barbarous nations have 
 received this boon, at least, from the refined 
 and polished blades of their victors. This argu- 
 ment in favour of war may, I trust, be neutralized 
 by the consideration that the strongest hands have 
 not always been united to the brightest heads ; for 
 the rudest nations have in their turn retaliated on 
 the most refined ; and from a darkness more dense 
 than that of Egypt, the thunderbolt of victory has 
 been elicited, as the brightest lightning from the 
 blackest cloud. Greece has twice surrendered her 
 independence and liberties to masters, in every 
 thing but force, far inferior to herself; the first 
 treated her as a mistress, the second as a slave. 
 Imperial Rome* herself, in her high and palmy 
 state, when in the proudest possession of all the 
 arts of each Minerva, was doomed in her turn to be 
 the prey of a savage horde that despised both, and 
 
 * c No, freedom ! no, I will not tell 
 
 How Rome, before thy weeping face, 
 With heaviest sound, a giant statue fell; 
 
 Pushed, by a wild and artless race, 
 
 From off its wide ambitious base : 
 When time his northern sons of spoil awoke r 
 
 And every blended work of strength and grace, 
 
 With many a rude repeated stroke, 
 And many a savage yell, to thousand fragments broke. 
 Collins's Ode to Freedom. 
 
490 LACON. 
 
 studied neither. But if the argument I am com 
 bating ever had any force, it could only have been 
 when knowledge was in its infancy and the world 
 in its childhood. The general spread of civiliza- 
 tion, by commerce, the sciences, and the art»— those 
 legitimate daughters, not of war but of peace — not 
 of the vulture, but of the halcyon — these are the 
 blessings that will make the hardest advocate 
 shrink from recommending warfare as a present 
 instrument of civilization ; particularly in an era 
 that presents us with means far more grateful, ele- 
 gant, and efficacious ; an era when we have the 
 safety-lamp of science to resort to, a lamp that 
 gives us all the light, but none of the conflagration. 
 In fact, the demoralizing tendencies of war are so 
 notorious, that to insist upon them would be to insult 
 ihe understanding of my readers ; and to purchase 
 refinement at the expense of virtue, would be to 
 purchase tinsel at the price of gold. The most 
 peace-loving minister that ever governed the affairs 
 of a nation, decidedly declared, that even the most 
 successful war often left a people more poor, always 
 more profligate, than it found them Where a nation 
 rises with one consent to shake off the yoke of 
 oppression, either from within or from without, all 
 fair concessions having been proposed in vain, 
 here indeed we have a motive that both dignifies 
 the effort, and consecrates the success , here indeed 
 the most peaceable sect of the most peaceable reli- 
 gion might conscientiously combine. But, alas ! 
 how few wars have been justified by such a princi- 
 ple, and how few warriors by such a plea ; and 
 when they have, how unfortunate have they usually 
 been in the choice of their leaders ! in the motley 
 mob of conquerors and of captains, how few Wash 
 
LAO ON. 491 
 
 ingtons or Alfreds shall we find ! The children 
 of those days, when the world was young, rude as 
 the times they lived in, and rash at once from igno- 
 rance and from inexperience, amused themselves 
 with the toys and the trumpets, the gewgaws and 
 the glitter of war. But we who live in the maturity 
 of things, who to the knowledge of the present add 
 a retrospection of the past, we who alone can fairly 
 be termed the ancients, or be said to live in the olden 
 time ; we, I trust, are no longer to be deluded or 
 befooled by this brilliant but baneful meteor, com- 
 posed of visionary good, but of substantial evil. 
 We live in the manhood and in the fulness of time, 
 and the triumphs of truth and of reason, triumphs 
 bright as bloodless ; these are the proper business 
 and the boast of those who, having put away child- 
 ish things, are becoming men. There are some 
 that with oracular gravity will inform us, that as 
 wars have ever been, they must on that account 
 continue to be ; but they might as well assert that 
 the imbecility and ignorance that marked the 
 conduct of our forefathers, those ancient moderns, 
 who lived in the infancy of the world, and in the 
 childhood of time, must and do exist at present, 
 because they existed then. With a solitary excep- 
 tion, all warfare is built upon hypocrisy, acting upon 
 ignorance; ignorance it was that lent success to 
 Mahomet's miracles, and to Cromwell's cant. For 
 lack of knowledge a people is destroyed ; and know- 
 ledge alone it is that is worthy of holding the freest 
 minds in the firmest thraldom. Unlike those of 
 the warrior, the triumphs of knowledge derive all 
 their lustre, not from the evil they have produced, 
 but from the good , her successes and her conquest 
 are the common property of the world, and sue 
 
192 L A C U IN . 
 
 ceeding ages will be the watchful guardians of the 
 rich legacies she bequeaths. The trophies and the 
 titles of the conqueror are on the quick march to 
 oblivion, and amid that desolation where they were 
 planted, will decay. For what are the triumphs of 
 war,* planned by ambition, executed by violence, 
 and consummated by devastation ? the means are 
 the sacrifice of the many; the end, the bloated 
 aggrandizement of the few. Knowledge has put a 
 stop to chivalry, as she one day will to war, and 
 Cervantes has laughed out of the field those self- 
 constituted legislators that carried the svjord, but 
 not the scales of justice, and who were mounted 
 and mailed. I am no advocate for a return of this 
 state of things ; but when that heroic and chivalric 
 spirit was abroad, when men volunteered on dan- 
 gers for the good of others, without emolument, 
 and laid down the sword when that for which they 
 resorted to it was overcome, then indeed a measure 
 
 * 'Speaking of the conqueror, the inspired writer observes' 
 that 'before him the land is as the garden of Eden, behind 
 him as the desolate wilderness ;' and that poet who drank 
 deepest of the sacred stream, has the following lines: — 
 
 1 They err who count it glorious to subdue 
 By conquest far and wide, to overrun 
 Large countries, and in field « p reat battles win, 
 Great cities by assault ; what «lo these worthies 
 But rob and spoil, burn, slaughter, and enslave 
 Peaceable nations, neighbour j n °;, or remote, 
 Made captive, yet deserving fi etulom more 
 Than those their conquerors; who leave behind 
 Nothing but ruin, whereso'eer thry rove, 
 And all the flourishing works o! peace destroy 1 
 Then swell in pride, and must be titled gods, 
 Till conqueror Death discoveis them scarce men, 
 Rolling in brutish vices and deformed, 
 Violent or shameful death their due reward.' 
 
 Millon 
 
LAC ON. 493 
 
 of respect and admiration awaited them, and a 
 feeling, honourable to both parties, was entertained. 
 But is it not both absurd and ridiculous to transfer 
 this respect and esteem to those who make a trade 
 of warfare, and who barter for blood ? who are as 
 indifferent as the sword they draw, to the purposes 
 for which it is drawn, who put on the badge of a 
 master, wear his livery, and receive his pay. 
 Where all is mercenary, nothing can be magnani- 
 mous ; and it is impossible to have the slightest 
 respect for an animated mass of machinery, that 
 moves alike at the voice of a drum, 01 a despot ; a 
 crumpet, or a tyrant ; a fife, or a fool. 
 
 THE KND. 
 
.NDEX. 
 
 Academical honours useful, when, 
 
 t*G*$t 
 
 Adversity and Prosperity, both temptations, - 20 
 
 Advice, ... 
 
 no 
 
 " to projectors, 
 
 168 
 
 Agreement dangerous, when, 
 
 189 
 
 Agriculture the safest source of wealth, 
 
 152 
 
 Alexander makes a distinction not withoi 
 
 it a difference, 217 
 
 Ambition, its evils, - 
 
 35 
 
 " bears no rival passion, - 
 
 93 
 
 Analogy powerful, when, 
 
 173 
 
 Anger and Confidence, - 
 
 34 
 
 " like wine, - 
 
 140 
 
 Anticipations foolish, when, 
 
 57 
 
 Anthithesis, its relations to wit, 
 
 180 
 
 Animals, two very important ones, 
 
 - 222 
 
 Antiquity, the Alma Mater of pedants, 
 
 ib. 
 
 Ancients compared with the moderns, 
 
 • 230 
 
 Apprentice boy, ... 
 
 233 
 
 Apostacy, good excuse for it, 
 
 99 
 
 Arbitration, - 
 
 204 
 
 Atheism, its absurdities, 
 
 45 
 
 Augustus, his craft, 
 
 213 
 
 Authority of great names, 
 
 17 
 
 Avarice, why it increases with age, 
 
 29 
 
 Antithesis, defence of it, 
 
 29 
 
 Applause, contemporaneous, - 
 
 298 
 
 Acquirements, recondite, 
 
 - 313 
 
 Ancient philosophers, 
 
 314 
 
 Arcesilaus, a remark of his, 
 
 - 315 
 
 Attention, - 
 
 339 
 
 Acquaintance, two sorts, 
 
 - 346 
 
 Authorship, - 
 
 251 
 
 Advice, ... 
 
 - 355 
 
 Antiquity and ancestry, 
 
 373 
 
 Absurdities, 
 
 - 378 
 
 Apostles, three great ones, 
 
 415 
 
 Authors, 
 
 448 
 
 Age and love, - 
 
 467 
 
 Ancestry, its pride, 
 
 475 
 
496 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Battles nc I decisive, of what, 
 
 Beauty perfect, when, - - 
 
 Benefits sometimes refined revenge, 
 
 Bible and sword, - 
 
 Bigotry, - 
 
 Bill drawn on futurity, 
 
 Bodies more difficult to make up than minds, 
 
 Books, 
 
 Bravery of cowards, what, 
 
 Britain, her resources a mystery to Napoieon, 
 
 British Constitution, 
 
 Benevolence, 
 
 Bodies Corporate, 
 
 Books, kind most valuable, - 
 
 Poet 
 
 - HI 
 137 
 
 95 
 
 35 
 
 19 
 
 193 
 
 - 197 
 
 85 
 • 141 
 
 234 
 240 44* 
 
 339 
 
 - 348 
 464 
 
 Celebrity, short road to it, 
 
 Characters, oddly contradictory, - 
 
 Church, schisms in it to be lamented, - 
 
 Classification, - - - - 
 
 Coat, shabby one, what few can afford to wear, - 
 
 Code, civil, not likely to be mended, 
 
 Commentators, - 
 
 Common sense right without rules, 
 
 Contemporaneous applause, - 
 
 Constitution of mind, what fitest for a great man, 
 
 Conceit differs from confidence, 
 
 Constellation of great men, 
 
 Conversation, a concert of mind, 
 
 Conversion slow in India, 
 
 Country towns all alike, in what, 
 
 Cowardice most incorrigible, when, 
 
 Coxcombs seldom alone, 
 
 Courtiers abused but courted, 
 
 'Cromwell, his narrow escape, 
 
 Cunning differs from skill. 
 
 Curse, a blessing in disguise, - 
 
 Coxcombs, grateful when, 
 
 Cuckoldom, 
 
 Candour, - 
 
 Characters, - 
 
 Character of a people, - 
 
 Credulity, - 
 
 Courage, 
 
 Cause, a good one injured 
 
 Controversies, religious, 
 
 Criticism, • 
 
 Centuries, when of age, » 
 
 Codes, severe ones, 
 
 Composition, 
 
 Coxcomb, - 
 
 Conversions - 
 
 Calumny, ... 
 
 Consolation, selfish, - 
 
 Christianity, a social religion, 
 
 60 
 
 46 
 
 221 
 
 160 
 
 125 
 
 88 
 
 96 
 
 39 
 
 19 
 
 47 
 
 55 
 
 131 
 
 198 
 
 110 
 
 55 
 
 - 138 
 199 
 
 55 
 50 
 
 Preface 13 
 309 
 
 - 311 
 
 33y 
 
 - 350 
 352 
 
 - 356 
 358 
 
 - 372 
 384 
 
 - 399 
 403 
 
 - 408 
 420 
 
 - 438 
 459 
 
 - 462 
 481 
 
INDEX. 
 
 497 
 
 Page 
 
 I>ano of Japan, - • 208 
 
 Death terriblo, in what, - 204 
 
 Debts give consequence, - -■ - - 103 
 
 Defeat politic, when, - - - - 82 
 
 Defendit numenis, an unsafe rule, . - 34 
 
 Demagogues despotic, - - 191 
 Destruction proceeds geometrically, preservation arithmetically, 183 
 
 Devils laugh, at whom, ----- 221 
 
 Different reports of travellers, why, - - 149 
 
 Dilemma, an awkward one, - - - - 183 
 
 Dissimulation pardonable, when, 85 
 
 Disinterested gifts, what, - - - 49 
 
 Disputes begin at the wrong end, ... 164 
 
 Dogmatism not confined to scholars, - - - 105 
 
 Doubt, a vestibule, .... 144 
 
 Doubt, a serious one, ----- 170 
 
 Drafts drawn by genius on posterity always paid, - 34 
 
 Dreams prove nothing but the credulity of Mankind, - 231 
 
 Duels, the fault of the seconds as often as of principals, - 44 
 
 Drunkenness, ------ 308 
 
 Dunces, how to manage them, ... 300 
 
 Death, - - - - - - 374 
 
 Diplomacy, - - - - 344 
 
 Death, - - - - • - 345 
 
 Diogenes, why he used a lantern, - - - 376 
 
 Disorders, --..-. 377 
 
 Diamond, ------ 402 
 
 Delight, its cause, - - - - 408 
 
 Doubt, ----- 411 
 
 Duels, - - - - - 416 
 
 Death, a wonder, ----- 429 
 
 Devil and trustees, ----- 435 
 
 Deception, a double one, - 459 
 
 Dotage, - - - - - 473 
 
 Ease in style not easy, - - - • 28G 
 
 Eccentricity, - - - • - - 23 
 
 Efforts profusely rewarded, when, - - * 203 
 
 Egotism, awkward, - - - - - 69 
 
 Eloquence, true, hits hearts as well as heads, - • 151 
 
 Elizabeth, Queen, her life preserved, how, - - - 235 
 
 Emulation, a spur not of gold, - - - 125 
 
 Ennui, its empire, ----- 146 
 
 Enthusiasm, - - - • - 24 
 
 Envy, ---.-. \Qf 
 
 Envious, their censures does us credit, - - 270 
 
 Error differs from ignorance, - - - - 17 
 
 Error, one that all commit, all abuse, - - - 235 
 
 Errors, little ones to be pardoned, when, - - 261 
 
 Estate, a very large one, and pays no tax, whU, 60 
 
 Events, how construed by enthusiasts, - - 103 
 
 Evidence seldom, if ever appears in a court of justice, - 278 
 
 Experience, when cheapest - - - 33 
 
 Experience neglected, .... 303 
 42* 
 
498 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Evil, parturescent, 
 
 Education of the lower orders, 
 
 Epigram, .... 
 
 Effects and causes, - 
 
 England's four powers, - 
 
 Education, female, - 
 
 Early impression, 
 
 Extemporaneous harangues, - 
 
 Excellence, 
 
 Enemies, how to get Them. 
 
 Falstaff, his soldiers feared but one thing, - 
 
 Falsehood, like a perspective, 
 
 Fame, an undertaker, 
 
 Fanatics always inexorable, 
 
 Fashion, - - • 
 
 Female improvement, - - 
 
 Fear debilitates, - 
 
 Fine houses, finest when, 
 
 Flattery, adroit, when, - 
 
 Fools formidable, why, ... 
 
 Fortune not blind, why, - 
 
 Forbidden things, - 
 
 Franklin, Doctor, 
 
 Friends, more difficult to forgive than enemies, • 
 
 Friendship, politic, when, 
 
 Flatterv, ------ 
 
 Flattery, cunning, • 
 
 Fame, posthumous, - - - - 
 
 Fortune, a goddess, ... 
 
 Fame, a small fountain, - 
 
 Fools and rogues, ... 
 
 Free press, 
 
 Fashion, its miseries, - 
 
 French Revolution, - - - - 
 
 Flat catchers, - - - - 
 
 Forms of liberty, - - - - 
 
 Foreknowledge, - 
 
 Free agency, - 
 
 Gamesters, doubly ruined, how, - 
 
 Glory, road to it, arauous, - 
 
 God, on the side of virtue, 
 
 God will excuse our prayers, when, 
 
 Good unalloyed, a rare thing, 
 
 Governments give national character, not climates, 
 
 Great men, like comets, - 
 
 Great men, where deceived, - 
 
 Greatness, best appreciated by the greatest, 
 
 Great men, seldom pitied, - 
 
 Gossipers, .... 
 
 Great minds, - . . * 
 
 Gibbon, a mistake of his, 
 
 Genius, • 
 
 318 
 353 
 
 - 363 
 412 
 
 - 414 
 423 
 446 
 456 
 
 - 467 
 476 
 
 - 161 
 140 
 
 - 240 
 128 
 
 - 255 
 
 86 
 
 - 190 
 
 32 
 59 
 150 
 56 
 22 
 
 - 196 
 276 
 
 - 191 
 347, 439 
 
 - 348 
 365 
 
 - 365 
 391 
 
 - 415 
 425 
 
 - 430 
 450 
 
 - 461 
 474 
 478 
 478 
 
 122 
 
 51 
 
 97 
 
 94 
 
 19 
 
 177 
 
 144 
 
 83 
 
 285 
 
 297 
 
 249 
 
 372 
 
 391 
 
 395 
 
INDE 
 
 X 
 
 499 
 
 Pag* 
 
 Grandfathers and Grandmothers, - 
 
 o 
 
 - 408 
 
 Ghosts, ... 
 
 . 
 
 202 
 
 Gold-making, an art not desirable, 
 
 • 
 
 460 
 
 Habit, - 
 
 . 
 
 260 
 
 Half measure, - 
 
 . 
 
 107 
 
 Happiness, - 
 
 . 
 
 211 
 
 Hatred differs from pity, in what, 
 
 - 
 
 . 220 
 
 Head, the seat of contentment, 
 
 . 
 
 101 
 
 Head of a party, 
 
 . 
 
 27 
 
 Heaven, the road to it too narrow for wheels* - 
 
 109 
 
 Hesitation, a weakness, - 
 
 . 
 
 - 194 
 
 Honour differs from virtue, 
 
 . 
 
 30 
 
 Hope, - 
 
 • 
 
 72, 375 
 
 Horace, a sycophantic satirist, 
 
 . 
 
 201 
 
 Human expletiveness, - 
 
 • 
 
 61 
 
 Humility, - 
 
 . 
 
 258 
 
 Hunter, John, - 
 
 • - 
 
 - 218 
 
 Hurry differs from dispatch, - 
 
 . 
 
 55 
 
 Hypocricy, - - 
 
 • 
 
 91 
 
 Hypocrites, 
 
 • • 
 
 32 
 
 Hypocondriacs, die daily, 
 
 • 
 
 - 139 
 
 Happiness, 
 
 • . = 
 
 369 
 
 Hatred, a cause of it, 
 
 • 
 
 - 392 
 
 Health, why not envied, 
 
 . 
 
 458 
 
 Human ignorance, 
 
 • 
 
 - 480 
 
 Idleness expensive, why, 
 
 . 
 
 52 
 
 Ignorance, - 
 
 - 
 
 17 
 
 Imitators of princes numerous, 
 
 • • 
 
 - 121 
 
 Ingratitude, 
 
 - 
 
 262 
 
 Inequalities of life, real things, 
 
 - 
 
 20 
 
 Intrigues of state, 
 
 • - 
 
 260 
 
 Injuries seldom pardoned, when, - 
 
 
 37 
 
 " with impunity, 
 
 - 
 
 41 
 
 Ism, words ending in it, - 
 
 • • 
 
 213 
 
 Idleness, - 
 
 • 
 
 312 
 
 Independence, - 
 
 • 
 
 • 318 
 
 Immortality of the soul, 
 
 - 
 
 319 
 
 Integrity, - 
 
 • 
 
 404 
 
 Jealousy,why so unsupportable, 
 
 . 
 
 101 
 
 Jealousy, a hard task master, 
 
 • 
 
 39 
 
 Jesuits, in their generation, - 
 
 « 
 
 230 
 
 Jurisprudence, civil, 
 
 • 
 
 - 303 
 
 Khan, of Tartary, 
 
 . 
 
 20>- 
 
 Kings, their highest wisdom, what, 
 
 - 
 
 44 
 
 King of England interested in preserving the freedom of t 
 
 hepjess, 6? 
 
 Kings, their noblest ambition, what, 
 
 - 
 
 121 
 
 Kings, living ones, more nattered but less praised than tli 
 
 ey 
 
 deserve, 
 
 . 
 
 252 
 
500 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Knowledge, - 
 
 " how attained, 
 
 " the clearest the most simple, 
 Knavery, a mistake about it, 
 
 Pag* 
 40 
 126 
 113 
 
 57 
 
 Labour, a good, 
 Law and equity, 
 Law and arms, 
 Learned blunders, - 
 Letters, laboured ones, . 
 Life, a theatre, 
 
 " its ills, how to bear them, 
 Logic, 
 
 London audience, 
 Love without jealousy, 
 Love of power, 
 Law and lawyers, - 
 Learning and wisdom, - 
 Love, how to make it, 
 Love, a volcano, 
 Love, its powers, 
 Leyden, Doctor, an ode of his, 
 Light, the best of reformers, 
 Ladies, 
 
 Learned dunces, 
 Lawyer, good excuse for a roguish one, 
 
 Magnanimity, in a cottage, 
 
 Man, a paradox, 
 
 Many men neither bad, nor good, why, 
 
 Man, both social and selfish, 
 
 Martyrdom, proves what, 
 
 Matrimony 
 
 Maityrs, modern, scarce, 
 
 Mathematics, - 
 
 Men, every where the same, - 
 
 M have two eyes, but one tongue, 
 Means, great, seldom combined with great measures. 
 Memory, the friend of wit, 
 Measures, if unpopular, how to carry them, 
 Metals, omnipotent, where, 
 Metaphysics, promise much, and perform little, - 
 Mind, its existence proved by doubting it, - 
 Miracle, the greatest, 
 Mistake, a royal one, 
 Money, well laid out, 
 Motives, differ often from pretexts, 
 Mystery magnifies, - 
 Memory, - 
 
 Marriage, a feast, 
 Mistakes, common ones, 
 Mystery, 
 
 Mythology ancient, 
 Mysteries, matters of faith. 
 
 50 
 
 189 
 
 101 
 
 195 
 
 81 
 
 20 
 
 66 
 
 163, 256 
 
 166 
 
 06 
 
 98 
 
 303 
 
 304 
 
 354 
 
 358 
 
 392 
 
 395 
 
 421 
 
 447 
 
 459 
 
 462 
 
 62 
 198 
 
 58 
 171 
 199 
 247 
 122 
 178 
 
 6y 
 
 76 
 112 
 160 
 202 
 180 
 181 
 182 
 163 
 
 56 
 154 
 
 06 
 186 
 305 
 311 
 355 
 356 
 
 m 
 
 36.1 
 
INDEX. 
 
 501 
 
 Men, in mas&.eu, 
 
 Men, who mos t proper, - 
 
 Man, a dogmatizing animal, • 
 
 Mal-go vei nrnent, 
 
 Metaphysicians, 
 
 Morality, , 
 
 Magnanimity, 
 
 raga 
 365 
 392 
 393 
 417 
 428 
 451 
 458 
 476 
 
 Name in literature, * • 151 
 
 Nations, always as free as they deserve, 72 
 
 Nature, works with few tools, - - - 129 
 
 Nature, no chasms in her operations, - 288 
 
 Neutrality, no favourite with providence, • - 187 
 
 Nothing should excite murmers, - 98 
 
 Nonsense, puffed, ----- 313 
 
 Necessary things, - 376 
 
 Nobility, - ... 378,475 
 
 Nations, free, only when they deserve it, - - - 424 
 
 Opinions, when they may be changed without suspicion, • 0/ 
 
 Opponents best answered, how, - - - 80 
 
 Opportunities often overlooked, 39 
 
 Orators, pleaders seldom good ones, - - - 283 
 
 Opinions of the learned, - - - 311 
 
 Observations of Paschal, - - - - 319 
 
 Oratory, - - - - 420 
 Originality, ------ 460 
 
 Passions, compared to pendulums, • 233 
 
 Patriots, modern, - - 108 
 
 Pedantry, wrong by rules, 39 
 
 Persecutors, often hypocrites, - 123 
 
 People, romarks on enlightening, - - - 230 
 
 Philip, King, - - - - - - 236 
 
 Philosophy, a jack of all trades, . - - 123 
 
 Physiognomists, pickpockets the best, - - - 207 
 
 Physic, most despised by physicians, - - - 179 
 Pitt, William, a neat manoeuvre of his, ... 202 
 
 Plans, best executed, when, 61 
 Plagiarism, ------ 254 
 
 Politic knave, ----- 21 
 
 Poets, seldom original, - 120 
 
 Poor laws, ------ 243 
 
 Posthumous charity, ----- 181 
 
 Politics and personalities, - - - . 264 
 
 Powerful friends may be too powerful to serve us, - - 249 
 
 Prayer, a good one, - - * - 117 
 
 Profession, abused with safety, when, - - - 42 
 
 Pride, paradoxical, ----- 124 
 
 Pride, miscalculates, - - - - - 95 
 
 Private vices public benefits, fa.se, - - - 162 
 
 Prating coxcombs, - - 188 
 
502 INDEX. 
 
 
 Prodigality, the rarest, - 
 
 - p ffi 
 
 Property, the only real, 
 
 42 
 
 Pulpit eloquence, .... 
 
 49 
 
 Public events, the moral, - 
 
 33 
 
 Pursuits, there is but one that all can follow, 
 
 40 
 
 Posterity, what has it done for us, 
 
 298 
 
 Pedantry, - ... 
 
 - 300 
 
 Philosophy and Poetry, 
 
 306 
 
 Prudery, 
 
 - 309 
 
 Paradox, Scr'/ntural, - 
 
 310 
 
 Pride, * - 
 
 - 312 
 
 Public opinion, 
 
 317 
 
 Priest and Physician, - - 
 
 - 349 
 
 Philosophers, when fools, - 
 
 375 
 
 Pleasures, - - - 
 
 - 413 
 
 Philosophy, a bully, - 
 
 465 
 
 Quacks, literary ones, - 
 
 - 257 
 
 Quack, when preferable to a Physician, 
 
 170 
 
 Query, an important one, ... 
 
 - 191 
 
 Question, a consolatory one, • 
 
 305 
 
 Questions, staggering ones, - 
 
 - 201 
 
 Readers, three classes, - 
 
 253 
 
 Reform, a paradox, - 
 
 76 
 
 Reformers, modern, their difficulties, - 
 
 31 
 
 Religion, one thing that men will not do for it, 
 
 30 
 
 Repartee, perfect, - 
 
 92 
 
 Reputation established, how, 
 
 - 127 
 
 Repentance repented of, when, 
 
 164 
 
 Restorations, disappoint the loyal, 
 
 192 
 
 Revenge, has no sex, ... 
 
 119 
 
 Riches, more easily concealed thai poverty, 
 
 138 
 
 Rome, pontifical, - - - - 
 
 107 
 
 Retrenchment, - - - - - * 
 
 - 306 
 
 Revenge, -----. 
 
 341 
 
 Revenge, conquers self love, ... 
 
 - 348 
 
 Rich, a privilege they have, 
 
 354 
 
 Regret, a vain one, * 
 
 - 362 
 
 Religion, ----»« 
 
 406 
 
 Risk, when necessary, - 
 
 . 406 
 
 Riches, seldom got by fools, - 
 
 422 
 
 Refinement, - 
 
 - 426 
 
 Ridicule, * 
 
 434 
 
 Religionists, - 
 
 - 447 
 
 Revolutions, - 
 
 477 
 
 Safety, if built on revenge, not safe, 
 
 3S 
 
 Skeptics, - - 
 
 ioy 
 
 Scotchmen, good gardeners, 
 
 61 
 
 Secrecy, of design, - - 
 
 33 
 
 Secrets, who fondest of them, 
 
 36 
 
 Self-love, ashamed of her own name, 
 
 84 
 
INDEX, 
 
 503 
 
 Self-importance, a cure for it, 
 
 Sensibility, - 
 
 Singular, how to be so, - 
 
 Slight condescensions, 
 
 Society, semi-civilized, most hospitable, 
 
 Softness of demeanour, suspicious, 
 
 Sorrow for sin, effectual, when, - 
 
 Statesmen, not to be envied, - 
 
 Saints, - 
 
 Speeches, written, - 
 
 Style, - 
 
 Self-knowledge, ... 
 
 Seduction - 
 
 Statesmen, - 
 
 Systems, .... 
 
 Society, --.«-« 
 Slander, ------ 
 
 Systems, of human conduct, - 
 Society and Science, - 
 
 Talent, not always successful, 
 Talent, histrionic, overpaid, 
 Talent, compared to treasures, 
 Testimony, differs most materially from evidence, 
 Theory, fine but not firm, 
 Threats, the loudest the most harmless, 
 Time, a paradox, - - - 
 
 Torture, perverts the order of things, 
 Travelling, 
 Truth, powerful, even if defeated, 
 Two kinds of men, succeed as public characters, 
 Times present, abused, - 
 Truth, - 
 
 Truth, portionless, ... 
 
 vTimotheus, when he demanded a double fee, 
 Time assists poets, 
 Threats, 
 
 Pas* 
 236 
 
 72 
 215 
 
 22 
 251 
 
 81 
 169 
 
 54 
 300 
 301 
 307 
 314 
 347 
 <»}5 
 415 
 416 
 422 
 439 
 467 
 
 64 
 
 166 
 160 
 278 
 
 77 
 145 
 290 
 251 
 
 36 
 212 
 
 37 
 361 
 367 
 391 
 395 
 423 
 455 
 
 Unity of opinion, 
 
 379 
 
 Value, its criterion, 
 
 Vice, suicidial, 
 
 Vice has more martyrs than virtue, 
 
 Villains, bad calculators, 
 
 Virtue, without talent, - 
 
 Vanity, differs from pride, 
 
 Vanity, a consolatory tiling, 
 
 184 
 116 
 191 
 83 
 27 
 340 
 350 
 
 War, its evils, 
 
 " a political drama, - 
 
 " a losing game, 
 What and who, their difference. 
 Wit captivates, why, 
 
 23 
 
 139 
 
 248 
 
 21 
 
 53 
 
 
504 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Wit, not difficult in comedy, 
 
 Wits, their jealousy, 
 
 Women, whose approbation they prefer, 
 n to be flattered, how, 
 " inexorable, when, 
 " what they never pardon, 
 
 Wealth, and Talent, 
 
 Works of merit, not popular, • 
 
 Women, Eastern, 
 
 Wi,, 
 
 Wealth, - - - 
 
 Writing, ... * 
 
 Wits, - 
 
 Words, • 
 
 War and warriors, 
 
 V >vth, its excesses, what, 
 
 Pag* 
 54 
 
 110 
 46 
 127 
 259 
 301 
 311 
 296 
 356 
 409 
 413 
 452 
 454 
 464 
 283 
 
 b» 
 
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