PS 3525 1 .fi2475 M5 j 1913 Copy 1 "WIREGRASS STORIES." MacINTYRE . "WIREGRASS STORIES" BY W. IRWIIsr iVlacINTYK-E COPYRIGHTED 1909 BY W. IRWIN MacINTYRE SECOND EDITION TIMES-ENTERPRISE COMPANY PRINT THOMASVILLE, OEOROIA 1913 PREFACE Four years ago five hundred copies of "Wire-Grass Stories" were given to the pubhc and soon exhausted. Upon request, the author revises and submits this second edition of the same number of copies, to his indulgent readers. W. Irwin Maclntyre, Thomasville, Ga., July, 25th, 1913. By transfer The White House -' 1913 "WIREGRASS STORIES" BY W. IRWIN MacINTYRE. HE late Columbus Allen was the subject and author of many good stories. He was very old when I knew him, but his exact age was the one secret of his bosom. I once knew him to get very indignant when he heard that it w^as being told that he had said: "When I first came to Thomasville, the Ochlocknee river was nothing but a little bit of a stream." In answer to the question as to who raised him, Uncle Lum said. "I wasn't raised, I was caught by the hair and jerked up." Uncle Lum was a lo5'al Confederate soldier, although he had been opposed to Secession. He used to deny that he had said that his one wound in the hand was received when he was in the act of cocking a cannon. He also denied the story told by the boys, that in the midst of a hot fight, he reached down; and, taking a saddle from a dead horse, started for the rear. "Where are you going?" said a sergeant. "Takin* the General's saddle to him;" was the reply; re- peated as often as inquiry was made. When "Uncle Lum" got to the rear, he found he was mis- taken about the idenity of the saddle, and before he could get back to the front, the battle w^as over. "Uncle Lum" denied that he had said: (x) "Hoke Smith is wrong in opposing watering stock, when it is a matter of impossibility to bring stock from Missouri to Georgia without w^atering them tw^o or three times." X Hoke Smith is Georgia's foremost statesman and has more dogs named for him thiin any other man iu public life. No-no children. Which reminds me of the case 1 heard in the Thomas County Court House; in which the owner of the controlling in- terest in a sawmill had been sued for damages done by oxen belonging to the man to whom he had leased his property some months before. Eleven of the jury immediately came to the o- pinion that the Plaintiff had sued the wrong man, and were in favor of returning a verdict for the Defendant. "Hold on, Boys," said the careful twelfth Juror, "Didn't you hear Joe Beverly say he owned the stock in that mill?" "Yes." "Well, wasn't them oxen the only stock there?" Uncle Lum's definition of a Republican was, "A low down white man with nigger principles." 1 asked him his definition of populism. He said it was a "premeditated impossibility." Mr. James M. Blackshear lives in a District, cut out from Thomas, and included in the new county of Grady. He was much opposed to the change; not so much on account of health conditions, although he made that point; but, because, as he said: "The people in the new area didn't have sense enough to run a county." Being opposed to the enterprise, he was inclined to ridicule the efforts to organize the new county. I drove up to his house just before the first Primary Election, and the following conver- sation ensued: "Uncle Jim, how you all coming on with the Election?" "Wh}', Son, you never saw so many candidates in your life; we got thirty-four candidates for Tax Receiver" "Are they all qualified to hold the job?" ? "Qyalified? Why, out of that Thirty-four, Twenty-five can't count a hundred." "Well, that leaves nine good men to choose from." "Yes, but the trouble is, eight out of that nine can't go to two hundred." In describing the great advance of Cairo, his county site, Mr. Blackshear said; "Cairo improved? Why, Son, ten years ago, I could have taken a standing collar and tent to Cairo and by charging a dime admission, I could have made a fortune, but now i can hardly get to town for the crackers stopping me along the road, saying "Oh Mr. Blackshear, take my laundry to town for me, please." Mr. Blackshear was very much opposed to the manner of working the convicts on the public roads, said he: "I'll certain- ly not allow one of those convict camps put near my place, they will demoralize all of my hands who wont want to do any more work than the convicts." Other opponents of the system were criticising the permis- sion given convicts to play base ball on Saturday. Mr. Black- shear defended the practice on the grounds that everyone needed exercise. The last time I discussed the convict situation with him, he said: "Do you remember old Jeff? They put Jeff on the gang for selling licker; the other night he went off; got drunk; came back and cussed out the guards. — And what do you suppose they did to him?" "Beat him about half to death I reckon." "No they didn't, they suspended him for three days." « * :tC « .-IC )!E On one occasion Mr. Blackshear was in a sail-boat with two friends on Lake lamonia, several miles over the Florida line. An unexpected gale came up, and the boat capsized. Drowning seemed certain. Both companions failed to remember any prayer. The responsibility was on Jim. "Jim, do your best,' they said. He thought a minute, and remembering nothing but the blessing his mother used to ask, said. "Lord, niakeus thankful for what we are about to receive." « « « i» i|r » Mr. Blackshear went to school in Thomasville, when a boy. He had a great many characteristics, one of w^hich was a strong disinclination to make a speech. Commencement day came, and Jim had to make a speech or get licked. There was no way out. The other little boys had spoken. His name was next on the program. "The Seasons" was the subject. Fond parents crowded the little chapel. Jim's name was reached. He came striding upon the stage, striking the floor with his bare heels so the noise could be heard all over the house, and began:— "7 he Seasons." "There are four seasons: — Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. Some like Winter, some like Spring, some like Summer, and some like Fall. But as for me: — "Give me liberty or give me death." And down he came; bump-de-bump-de-bump. On another occasion the teacher required Jim to write a com- position. He chose "Rats" for his subject, and his composition ran something like this: "Rats" "Rats is very pestiferous little critters. They has a long tail, 'less some cat have bit his tail off. They eats most everything. They even steal syrup. They gnaws the cork out with their teeth, then the.y run their tail down in the bottle, and sucks the syrup off. Then they repeats. That's all I knov/ about rats." « « * « « 4! Mr Blackshear is about the quickest man to size up a hum- orous situation I ever saw. One day I was standing beside him 4 on the public road, when a colored man came by with a shack- ly old wagon and two mules, poor enough to drop and old enough to vote. The wagon body contained three 200 pound sacks of guano. "Hey Squire," inquired Mr. Blackshear, "What you going to do with all of that fertilizer?" "I am going to put it under my crap" was the reply. "O" said Mr. Blackshear "I thought you were going to use it for perfumery purposes." Mr Blackshear had a dear lady friend from Thomasville who was very much interested in evangelical work among the colored. Upon a visit to Mr. Blackshear's they both saw a prospect drawing water from a well. Upon advancing, the would be missionary said "Frazier do you know Jesus?' "Well not perzactly, but I've heard tell of him." "Has Mr. Blackshear told you of him?" "No'am, I don't think he know him." "Do you know he died for you?" "No'am, is he dead? I didn't know he was sick" was the reply. A Paper filed in the office of Judge W. H. Bibb, J. P., had failed to have an entry at the proper time, through no fault of the Plaintiff. I arose on the first day of Court, and requested a rule: — Nunc pro tunc", to correct the error in plaintiff's behalf . "Look here" said the court; "I've been J. P. Thirty-five years; have never been reversed by the Superior Court but twice and both those times the Supreme Court sustained me; never have issued no Tunc or Tine orders, and don't propose to do it now; but I'll change the date of that entry." The people in these parts don't exactly know what "Alibi" means, but they know when proven it always gets the Defendant out of trouble. Judge Bibb was holding Court and a farmer came in, sat on the floor in the rear of the room, leaned against the wall, and began smoking his stone pipe. Col. Arthur Patten called the Court's attention to the offender. "Come to the Bar of Justice," addressed the Court to the smoker. "Do you mean any disrespect, Sir; by smoking in this august presence?" "N0--N0--N0— Sir; Jedge;" the offender was saying, shaking from head to foot, when Col. Patten whispered something in his ear. "Jedge, I pleads Alibi;" he said to the Court, following the suggestion. Judge Bibb looked very solemnly over his glasses, and replied; — "Take your seat, Sir; that's all that saved you." ****** "Now" said Col. Patten one day in the trial of a case. "I am going to do something which is like shaking a red flag in a bull's race; I am going to read your Honor some law." "Col Patten, if you ever say that again. Sir; I'll disbar you," said Judge Bibb. On another occasion Col. Patten said to the court: "Your honor should not expect to understand the intricate points of the law as well as we lawyers, who make it a life work." *'Mr, Patten, if you say that again. Sir; the court will fine you Ten Dollars," replied the Judge. Judge Bibb once had a cow to eat some of Dr. R s vegetables. The argument which followed re.sulted in a chal- 6 lenge from Dr. to the Judge, the same being immediately ac- cepted. Both chose seconds and the Judge gave the Dr. choice of naming weapons or distance. The Dr. said shot guns loaded with buckshot. The judge said he would announce the distance in plenty of time. The Dr. made his will and was visibly nervous. The Judge was as usual composed. The date for the duel approached. The doctor could neither eat nor sleep. Two days before the fight he demanded to know the distance. The Judge said "Dr. you will stand in Tallahassee and i in Thomasville." They were friends ever after. Honorable Theo. Titus had gotten Judgement in the Boston Justice Court. Several days later he saw the constable in Thomasville. "Look here, have you made that levy yet?" ' Yes, Sir." "On what?" "Two head of geese and a patch of onions, Sir," replied the officer, conscious of a duty well done. ****** Among Attorney Titus' first efforts, was a case in a Country Justice Court. Mr. Titus was closing for the plantiff, and was making an eloquent but long drawn out argument. The Court became very impatient. Finally a cloud came up, and a clap of thunder almost shook the house. "Look here, Col. Titus," said the court. "When you git through with your speech you'll find my judgment right under this book. The Court is got to set out some taters before the rain." ****** Joe Calloway has been Janitor at the Court House for many years. His legal associations are evidenced by the names of his 7 two youngest children: "Petit Larency" and "Incorporeal Hereditament," who is called "Dit" for short. *•«**« One of his colored brethren once asked Joe for a drink of ice water: Joe directed him to the bucket on the table:-- Look here, Joe, this aint no ice water' this water is warm." "Yes dat is ice water, Nigger; you don't know ice water." "No, Joe, there aint no ice in that water." "Yes, there is." "No, there aint." "Yes ,there is. I tell you hit just aint cold enough to friz it out; you let the water turn cold, and you'll see there is just as much ice in that water as in any water." m * * * * * I was employed by a colored preacher to defend his son, who had misappropriated a pair of trousers, and would have doubtless been successful, had not the little rascal had them on at the time of the trial. This parson had evidently belonged to an Orator before the w^ar, for he possessed a vocabulary of many nouns, numerous verbs and innumerable adjectives. He did not try to "Hide his learning under a bushel." Captain Doss and I were waiting for Court to convene: my client was to my right. Joe Calloway came in with a bucket of water, and set it on the radiator, which, at that time, stood in the center of the room, and was used for a table in summer. It had been a pretty distressing time for those interested in the colored race; the burning at Statesboro had occurred only a few days before. The Parson's son was here to be tried for a disgraceful act. Joe evidently was, and had a right to be, in a meditative mood. But the Reverend Gentleman, conscious of superior learning here be- low^ and a superior seat hereafter above, was in a talkative mood. As the water bucket went on the radiator he remarked. — "Mr. Calloway, hab you observed dat universal prosperity 8 am generly preceded by diligent and consecrated application?" Joe looked at the parson, scratched his head; and fully con- scious of the seriousness of the question, replied; — "Yah, I is; and dat's how come so many niggers in Hell now." • « • • • Reverend Carter Johnson of Thomasville, is the smartest full-blood African I have ever known. His book learning is very limited, having been brought up a slave, but he makes up for this defect in originality. The first year after the War, Carter taught school on the Old Jones* plantation. I could tell many interesting things about this school; I have in mind one in particular. You remember the whole world at this time was imbibed with the spirit of re- form; Carter was no exception to the rule. He called all the children together, and reminded them of the blessings of Eman- cipation. He spoke of the iniquity of slavery; and "Now," says he in dramatical tones, "We must get rid of that great sister of iniquity. Corporal Punishment; so hereafter, if any of you children, misbehave, I am not going to whip you, but will take your lunch away instead." Everything was going well. Carter had blazed the way for the Abolition of Corporal Punishment; which reform has not yet completed its sweep over the South; and was growing fat on the luscious lunches, which came from the kitchens of the well-to-do whites. However, this happy state of affairs was not to con- tinue. Carter soon found that Annie, daughter of my maternal grandmother's cook, Marianne, always had a good lunch. So it was impossible for Annie to go to Recess without having lapsed into such a breach of discipline as necessitated the forfeiture of her lunch. This lasted until Aunt Marianne got fully wrought up, when she w^ent dow^n to the school house with a broom han- dle and revolutionized Carter's ideas about Corporal Punishment Here ended the embryo of a great humanitarian reform. 9 When, some years after, the Liquor Issue arose. Carter found employment in delivering the Colored vote on the side of liquor. A great Local Option Election ^vas pending in Madison County, Florida. Carter v/as sent for to oppose the Colored preachers who favored Prohibition. A speaking w^as arranged for the Col- ored voters. The platform w^as full of preachers, of whom Car- ter was the only one on the wet side Carter addressed the as- sembled multitude; saying he could prove water had killed more people than liquor; that if he could not, he would retire fron"k the fight; on the other hand, if he did, he wanted his brethren to re- tire. He said that if they accepted his challenge, he would ask that as there was only one of him and several of them, that he be permitted to speak last. 7 he Prohibition speakers agreed, and one after another read unabridged statistics as to the number of criminals, lunatics and corpses, whiskey had made. Carter waited patiently. When they were all done, he arose calmly and asked the audience if they believed in the Bible. Of course they did. He then read the chapter about the "Flood," and there arose such a cheer and applause from the wet cohorts, that before the enthusiasm could be checked, the vs^ets had swept the deck. The County afterwards went Dry but in justice to Carter, will say, he was not in the fight. 1 forgot to say that for Car- ter's success he was given a shot-gun, appropriately inscribed, which he promptly pawned to a friend of mine. I once walkeci out of the Court House and met Carter, in an- swer to the customary greeting. Carter said he was sick of heart; sick of heart. "What is the matter?" "I have been working to uplift my race ever since the War, and I come up here and find twenty Niggers indicted, and not a white man. I feel discouraged. It looks like crime is getting no less among my people. I feel like giving up." 10 The next term of Court I met Carter in approximately the same place, and in answer to my greeting, he said: — "I am mad; confoundedly m.ad; some of these infernal Nig- gers have been up here lying on me, and have gone and gotten me indicted." "What for?" "Larceny." He was convicted but not subdued. Several years ago Carter preached a sermon in Albany, and w^as so unfortunate in choosing his text, that he had to walk home that night. He preached on: — "Soap and Water, and the use thereof." Carter was a great believer in the scriptures for political effect. It is said that when he was working in the interest of the Democrats, he showed where Christ, himself, classed the "Publicans" and sinners together. Everybody knew the late Capt. W. M. Hammond of Thom- asville. President McKinley once complained of being put to a disadvantage by being introduced by this brilliant son of the South. I now have in mind two illustrations of Hammond's v^it and repartee: — An important murder trial was in progress in one of our Western counties. First counsel for the defense had made a very eloquent plea for the defendant on account of his feeble phy- sical condition; his rheumatism, paralysis, gout, et cetra. Coun- sel for the prosecution had stated to the jury that instead of all these infirmities, provoking mercy, they should make the jury more determined to find a verdict of guilty, so as to put the de- fendant out of his misery. Counsel depreciated the fact that the crime could not be punished as deserved, and was sorry some- thing more than a worthless Ufe could not be taken for so hein- ous an offense; nevertheless, such was the case, and the vindica- tion of the law would really be of benefit to the defendant. Captain Hammond concluded for the defense, and began with these words: — "I am prepared, Gentlemen of the Jury, to agree with oppos- ing counsel that hanging may be a sure cure for rheumatism, gout, etc., but I think that the learned and distinguished gen- tlemen, representing the state, will admitt that it has its disad- vantages." Back in the times of the Farmers' Alliance, Ocala Platform and other so called heresies that were exasperating the old line Democrats of the South, Capt. Hammond was addressing a con- vention of Democrats at Albany, Ga. "But" came a voice from the crowd, directed to the speaker. Don't you think a man can be an Allianceman, a Free-Silver- ite, and a good Democrat?" The speaker hesitated a moment, as the crowd stood breath- lessly, and looking directly toward the enquirer, said; "All things are possible with God." He was not again interrupted. Nathan and Herman Levy were Thomasville merchants, and Bill Jones a good cash and barter, but not credit customer, who farmed eight miles out. A former clerk tells the story. Jones would exchange butter, chickens, cow hides and eggs, to the Levy's for calico, cheese and canned goods, the merchants always bearing in mind, that their customer would rather owe you all his life, than swindle you out of a cent. Everything went well, until Herman, in a moment of weakness, loaned Bill two dollars, who next Saturday was seen in front of their com- 12 petitor, Issac's, bartering farm products for bargains. This put "Wheels in Nathan's head," who, rushing to the books, ex- claimed: — "Look here, Herman, you fool; vhat's dis I see? Bill Jones, vhati Bill Jones two dollars! Don't you know you vas drive avay our best customer; 1 vus dissolve wid you; I vus ashamed you vas my brudder." "Vait, vait," replied Herman, "Don't talk so much vid your mouth, till you know vhat you talks about," "Veil, didn't you do it?" "Yes, 1 vus do it, but den I vus fix it." "Yes, you vas play hell fix it: I vant to see you fix it, look tow^ard Isaac's, and see hov/ you vas already done fix it.' The next Saturday, Jones was again at Isaac's, and Nathan had another fit of all-overs, calling Herman, he said: — "Who dat you see at Isaac's? vy don't you vix it?" "I goes right now," said Herman, getting his cane, and walking by Isaac's as if to the postoffice. Getting opposite Jones, he wheels suddenly, and looking up, says; — "Howdy do, Mr. Jones, how vu8 your wife and garden. 1 am so glod to see you. You haven't been around lately. By de vay; in looking over our books, I find we vas owe you two dollars, now^ dis is a very small sum, but ve likes to get our business straight. Will you kindly drop by and get detwo dollars before you leaves town?" Jones, thinking for once that he was about to catch a Jew napping, got the two dollars, and Herman promptly charged himself with four dollars. Jones* trade was retained, and they lived happy ever after. «««*** Old Uncle Henry McLendon, used to be one of Thomas County's noted characters. He had firm but unique ideas, and expressed himself in crude but forcible language. 13 A certain transient Evangelist, who dispensed salvation free and sold insect powders for a consideration, stopped at Uncle Henry's house, and, incidentally, got a check endorsed. Uncle Henry, some weeks after, paid the check, and some months after, got his former friend's address. "Well, Uncle Henry," said one of the boys about town, "Did you ever get that money?" "No, but 1 writ him a letter." "What did you say?" "I writ him fourteen pages." '"Yes, but what did you say?" "1 started off by saying you goldurned, canker-yeared, man- gy, flea-bitten, pusilanimous, ghost-running, scavenger-practising, carrion-eating hound, you; and the further 1 went the worser I got." Uncle Henry was somewhat of a philosopher. He was once upbraided for cutting timber so near his house. *"Oh, well," said he, "Let them what live the longest tote wood and water the furthercjjt." Uncle Henry was attending a farmers* meeting in Thomas- ville. The speaker was explaining how to plant cotton late and save a hoeing. Uncle Henry listened patiently. Finally, he could stand it no longer. "Look here. Brother," said he; "There is more saved than that. If 1 plant and tend cotton according to your scheme, 1*11 save a pickin' too." Uncle Henry had been having trouble in trading with his colored tenants. A certain tenant had been exceedingly ex- travagant in his demands for another year. 14 "Look here, Nigger," said Uncle Henry; "I gorra, I will trade with you for the fodder, and I'll pull it myself." More good stories are told on Major Stegall, deceased, than any other man who ever lived in Thomas County. He was once Sheriff, and alw^ays enjoyed the esteem of the community, not- withstanding many eccentricities. It is said that they once got the Major on the witness stand during the investigation of a poker game, and he testified as follows: — ''Major, what were the boys playing for?" asked the solicitor. "For fun." "Didn't they have chips?" Yes. oir. "Were the chips worth money?" "Yes, Sir." "Then why do you say they were playing for fun?" "Well, you see, them what got the moist chips had the moist fun." 4> * « « « « Major was a witness in the investigation of a fight, and tes- tified as follows; — "Was the defendant angry?" asked the Solicitor. "No, Sir." "Was he mad?" "No. Sir." "Was he in his normal state of mind?" "No, Sir." "Well, Sir, what was his mental condition?" "Well, Sir, he was the least bit savagerous, Sir." 15 Major once tried to walk across the bottom of Mitchell's pond with a pot over his head. Everybody w^as out to witness the stunt. He got along fine until he stepped in a hole. Up came the bubbles, and then came Major. He was sloshing, swearing and explaining, when the owner of the pot asked for hia property. Go to " said Major, "I am no pot insurer." The Major was a great fisherman, He was out at the river with the boys one day, and left his line to go back to the wagon. The boys tied his umbrella to the line, and yelled to the Major that he had a bite. "Don't you touch it, Don't you touch it." he yelled: "I want to pull him out myself." He got hold of the pole, and pulled and pulled, and swore at what a big one it was. The boys offered to help him, and told him they believed he had a cooter. "You're a liar. Sir, I'm only afeared the pole'U break. It's the biggest fish in the river, I'm just playing him to tire him out." The boys left before the haul. Major and Judge H. W, Hopkins w^ere once arguing as to whether or not the "bull bat" and whippoorwill were the same bird when Major clinched and cinched by saying, "You are a fool, I've seen a bull-bat a w^hippowilling a many a time." Major Remer Young died in Thomas County, Georgia in 1859, and in his w^ill endowed Young's Female College, v^hich may now be seen in Thomasville. In early life he was married, and later he was divorced by a special act of the Georgia Legislature, the courts having no authority to grant divorces at 16 that time. Honorable A. T. Maclntyre, deceased, told me that he was traveUng from New York to Thomasville with Major Young on one occasion, and that a passenger on the stage rode some two hundred miles out of his way to hear the Major tell this story: — A pretty young widow lived in a Georgia town; and among her more successful admirers, were a certain M. D. and our friend. The Doctor who, according to Major, had inherited the degree from his deceased wife's first husband was annoying the gentleman with the military title no little; and after various and positive assurances from those in a position to know, that the medical man was a coward, the Major challenged him to fight a duel, an occurance not uncommon, but somewhat dan- gerous in these parts at that time. Major Young had never fought a duel, in fact, if the truth must be known, he didn't want to fight a duel, go up in a bal- loon, or chase the Indians; being satisfied to enjoy his ample fortune, and if possible, marry the widow. He had taken the extreme step reluctantly, after due consideration by himself and friends, and expected no results save the diminution of the local Medical Practitioners by one, and his eventual winning of the widow. Dr. Strong was much disturbed by the challenge, but none of his family having failed to fight when honor demanded, he pulled his nerves together, and suggesting horse pistols as the w^eapons, asked the Major to name the date. Upon receipt of the answer, there was another meeting of the challenger's friends, and some explanations were not at all satisfactory to the Major, who cursed his friend's blunder and bemoaned his fate. The die was now cast. There was no re- treat; one or the other must be disgraced or die, and the Major's brave friends would never hear of its being him. The time and place were appointed, and a list of the seconds sent the doctor. Major Young and his seconds now suspended business and went to the woods every day to commune with nature and prac- 17 tice the challenger in marksmanship. A bu'let was suspended from a limb by a thread, and the object was to cut the thread, first, at a few paces, and then more as the apprentice improved. Of course no one was supposed to be present at the exhibitions of marksmanship except our brave challenger and his trusted friends. It soon began to be narrated around that the Major could cut the thread the first shot, at ten, then tv/enty, then thirty paces, and so on, but the modest Major blushed when he was congratu- lated in a crowd by his many friends. Time passed slowly. The duelers looked well, and a few bets were bsing placed on the final outcome. Little was heard from the Doctor, and the Major seemed reconciled to his fate, whatever it might be. On the morning before the date of the duel, the challenger was walking slowly toward the livery stable to meet his friends and have his last practice. A voice ahead, addressing our friend by his military cognoinen, startled him. "What?" said he. "Yes, he has lit a rag." came the reply from the crowd. "He left on this morning's stage." "The Doctor gone?" "On the last stage." came the assurance. "Well." said the Major, breathing a sigh of relief, "He was just in time, my trunk is packed, and if he had waited until to- morrow, we both w^ould have been o" tht same stage. Boys the treats are on me." ««««** It is as natural for a small boy to rob a bird's nest, as it is for a small dog to chase a cat. Abbott Turner and Jim Reid, of Thomasville, went out to stay all night with little Guyton Mc- Lendon. They looked for bird eggs all the afternoon. Their most valuable find was some buzzard eggs of w^hich they v^ere very proud. They left them on the shelf on the back porch 18 when they washed for supper. They slept that night as only small boys can. The next morning after breakfast, Mrs. McLen- don heard a big racket in the kitchen, and found the boys in a very serious altercation with the cook, w^ho had put the buzzard eggs in the waffles which the family had eaten for breakfast. Both the cook and Mrs. McLendon depreciated the occurrance, but that didn't return the boj^'s egg?. Now they are more care- ful with buzzard eggs. I drove up to a house in the country, and heard the father of the family f railing the very life out of "Ludden and Bates." his young son. Said I: — "John, how did you happen to name that boy after the Sava- annah music house. " "Well " he said, "I'll tell you. When that boy coine, us wuz all mighty proud. You know all our chilluns was gals, and I d low every time, if I could only git a plow^ hand. So when des here chile come, we was inighty perplexed to give him a pro- priate name. I wanted to name him Savannah, Florida & West- ern Railroad Company, but the ole lady said the boys would sho call him S F. & W., fer short, and she thought that wuz a hor- rid name, so us just compermized and called him "Ludden & Bates," and 1 v/uz lickin' him 'cause he wouldn't work." I attended a Colored Church, several miles from town. The parson, after exhorting for quite a w^hile upon the text: — "Mar_ ble (Marvel) not," and pointing out how all the young white boys, and young niggers, were going right to hell, fer pia5Mng er marbles in de front yard, behind de kitchen, in de streets, and on de sidewalk, when the holy word said: "Marble not;" announ- ced that they would have the Treasurer's report right alter the service. "Now, Bretheren and Sisters." said the Treasurer, "It gives 19 me great pleasure to announce, that the treasury have in hand, seven dollars and thirty- five cents." "I moves," said a brother, "Dat de Treasurer count out de money on de barrel head, and let us all look at it." The Treasurer was forced to oppose the motion, and tried to explain how he had the money, but didn't have it with him, how he had it, and how he didn't have, as the author of the motion expressed it. The motion prevailed, however, and somew^hat of a disturbance followed. The matter was finally settled by Brer Williams keeping the Treasurer's blind horse until he could show up the money. Upon promising not to again be so derelict in his duty, the Treasurer was retained in his office, and every- one satisfied. Mr. W. C. Snodgrass and I were trying to map out a course for a railroad to St. Joseph's Bay. We were in Liberty or Cal- houn County Florida, with a team and driver. Night overtook us it always does, if you don't move on. Our driver had re- marked earlier in the day, that he was fully conversant with the stars, and could drive as well at night as in the day. There- fore, when we were refused lodging, and told to drive on to the next neigbor's, some seven miles, we didn't feel that there was any danger of Pete not getting us there. We drove along lei- surely, talking, smoking and joking, until all of a sudden we found we were not even in a road. We stopped the wagon and left Pete with the horses, while Mr. Snodgrass and I, one on one side, and the other on the other, undertook to find the road. The road had evidently been moved, because w^e w^ould have sworn we were in it a minute before. "Look here, Pete." said Mr. Snodgrass, "How about those stars? Tell me which way is north?" Pete looked all around, and said he could, if he could only find the north star, but he couldn't find it. "Pete how about your knowing all about the stars, thought 20 you couldn't get lost at night any quicker than in the day?" "Well. Sir, I never did claim to know anything about these Florida stars, but 1*11 tell you, you couldn't lose me in Georgia." We gave Pete the north star to follow, and both dozed off. Presently Snodgrass snored so loudly he awakened Pete who found he had lost his star. "Wake up, wake up, Mr. Snodgrass" said Pete, "You'll have to give me another star, us done passed that un." We wandered about almost in despair, relieving the stress occasionally by lauguing at Pete. At last we heard someone whistling. We hailed and got an answer. Upon coming up to the stranger, we found him on horseback, and in a dim road. He saluted pleasantly, and said he had a brother-in-law, who used to live in Thomasville. Mr. Snodgrass and 1, taking ad- vantage of the information, both knew his brother-in-law well, belonging to the same church and lodge with him, and asked to be remembered to him. We were now chummy enough with our new^ly made friend, w^ho told us he w^ould ask us home with him, if he did not live so far, and suggested that we go to old man Chester's, who only lived eight miles from where we were then, and was the nearest resident; We thought it a good idea, as we were a w^ay off our bearing, and couldn't make our friend even understand where we had intended going, when we got lost. Our new partner undertook to tell us how to go to Mr. Chester's; saying we couldn't get lost, just keep the straight forward road, etc., but we were not in a humor to take any chances. We hired him to pilot us up to Mr. Chester's, and point out the house. On the way Mr. Snodgrass told me about a fellow being down there somewhere, and, riding along with a native, asked about the country, when the native said: — "It was a mighty fine country, a country where everybody attended to their own business," and gave us an illustration that two men had been killed "Twixt here and that last branch, and never a word said about it yet." 21 Of course, this illustration made the negro, Pete, feel perfect- ly at ease, and we followed our pilot w^ith absolute confidence. After so long a time we got to Mr. Chester's. He had a great big house with three rooms, and volunteered to let us stay for the night, saying it was ten miles to the next house. Mr. Snod- grass and I went in, and were enjoying that great poor man's blessing in the south: — "A Lightwood Knot Fire," when Mr. Chester came in to bring us water. I thought it was up to me to say something pleasant to show my appreciation of his hos- pitality, so 1 said: — "Mr. Chester, this is a mighty fine country 3'^ou have down here?" Mr. Chester looked at me, and I looked at Mr. Snodgrass, then Mr. Chester put down the water, stretched himself, and said: — "Well, hit used to be, but hits gittin' too full of folks now to suit me, so I reckon I'll have to go further South." Mr. Snodgrass said it was bad to be crowded, and w^e all depreciated the congestion the v/orld w^as coming to. Next morning Mr. Chester directed us to the next neighbor's. At Bristol, Pete w^as asked whom he v/as with, and when he replied; "Messers Maclntyre and Snodgrass, " he came pretty near getting lynched for insolence before he could explain that such was really their names. Pete says he don't want to go to Florida any more. Mr. Stevens was a well to do citizen of Thomasville, it being known that he was easily solvent, he had many calls. Further- more, he wasn't careless about monej' matters, anyway. His young friend, Jesse, had come to town, and been elected consta- ble. Having had business transactions with Mr. Stevens, he looked him up, and asked him to go on the bond, which all constables had to give. 22 "Ah," said the oW man: "}er,^e, my boy, I'd be the gladdest in the world to ^accomodate you, but you know I can't write." Jesse vv'as very much dissapointed that his old friend should have gone back on him, but he finally succeeded in making the bond as required. Several years after Mr. Stevens decided he would like to go to the legislature. Remembering his early friendship with Jesse, he looked him up and said: — "Jesse, my boy, I have been urged by many friends to run for the legislature, and having great confidence in your judge- ment, and knowing you have mj' interest at heart, i want your advice. ' "Well," said Jesse: "I have known you a long time, and, ordinarily, would be glad to see j'ou have any honor to which you might aspire, but, do you know, Mr. Stevens, I think it would be a .sin, a shame and disgrace for Thomas County to send a man to the legislature who couldn't write. Mr. Stevens didn't run. »*««** I wjis pursuing the practice of law in 1 homasville. I got an account against a merchant in a near-by town. I was not afraid about the account, as the merchant, Mx". X. I'll call him, seem- ed to have a good business and acting in good faith. Consider- able correspondence had passed, and my clients were getting a little impatient. About this time I heard Mr. X, had gone into the newspaper business. I took my pen in hand, and wrote Mr, X. that my clients had instructed to proceed, that I intended bringing suit, and, that I thought it inexcusable for him to start out in the newspaper business without fulfilling his obligations to his creditors. I got a replj'^ about as follows: — Dear Sir: — I note the company has instructed you to proceed, that is all right, it is their business, and I don't feel hard at them, I note you intend suing me, that's all right, that's your business, 23 and I don't feel hard at you. But what I want to know, and what I think I have a right to know, and what I think you ought to tell me, is: — "Who in the hell is that white-livered, lying, libelous, rep- utation ruining scoundrel that told you I was going into the new^spaper business? Everyone who dies satisfied, has, at some time, tried his hand at farming, chickening, egging, buttering, etc. I have al- ready had mine, I tried it, I am wiser now. But what I started out to tell about is my Angora goats, I had read and re-read a lot about goats, goats, big, little and indiffer- ent. 1 had goats on the brain. I bought some. They were Angoras, and I could figure out so much profit on them, that I thought the currency would have to be increased to supply my demands. They w^ere a curiosity to the neighbors. The colored people would come by on their way to church, and stop, and look, and wonder. Brother Williams would say: — "Look there, Brethern, at them sheep." And brother Johnson would say: — Ur-er, Brer Williams, them aint sheep, them's goats, don't you see them horns?" And brother Jackson would say: — "Yes, dey is sheep, who ever heard er goats lookin* lak dat." Just about that time an old ram would jump up on a stump, and with a half sneeze and half blow, w^ould give the character- istic: — "Put, Put," and the brethen would remark in unison: — "Ur-er, them's goats, they goats." The goats were a nuisance about jumping, and I was very anxious to get a remedy. A fellow wrote me that if I would re- mit, he would tell me how to keep the goats from jumping a fence. Now, I had heard of the "Guarantee Cure for Texas Bugs," which came in the shape of two little blocks, with in- struction to place bug on "A," and str'ke hard with "B," and if there was no fatality, to write immediately, I had also heard of the old sell of teaching the horse to spit to stop slobbering, 24 but I couldn't foresee any sell in stopping goats from jumping. The remedy was: "Put a plank on either side of the fence, and the goats would walk over." I presume it w^as old, but I had never heard it. About this time, I was on a train coming home from Savan- nah. A rather illiterate farmer got on, and sat beside me. After the usual preliminaries, we exchanged names, and he re- marked: — "Maclntyre, well, I've heard of you," my chest began to swell with pardonable pride that my reputation as a lawyer was spreading so far from home, and wa? about to offer treats, when my friend continued: — "And, by the way, how is them goats gittin' along?" I afterwards gave away the goats to two of my friends, 1 now have no goats, and two less friends. Ernest Ballard and Gene Wiggins were in the primary de- partment of the South Georgia College. Wiggins had been misbehaving, and Miss Barnes, his teacher, had sent him down to the office of principal Lynes, with a note: — "To severely pun- ish Gene Wiggins, the bearer, who had been guilty of gross mis- behavior." Gene started down, and met Ernest coming up. Knowing full well what was in the note, he requested his friend to please hand it to Col. Lynes, while he bought a loaf of bread from the bread wagon. Earnest was a very accomodating little boy» so he took the note in, and was given a seat while the Colonel prepared some of thoae long, keen, elastic switches, such as never grow^ except when one is a little boy. Ernest soon caught on, in fact, the experience made a striking impres- sion upon him. He is grown now, but will hardly mail a letter for a friend. 25 Apendix Mason, is a colored Hardshell Baptist preacher, working for Mr. T. P. Jones during the week, and preaching in a little church, which he built himself and fully owns, on Sun- day. I wish here to say that I believe Ap. to be a good faithful negro, and that his shortcomings, which I here relate, are errors of his head and his confused standard of morals. As I said, Ap. owns his own church and gets all his collec- tions. He is especially in evidence at a funeral, enjoying nothing more. Last year he and the other negroes had the biggest time since the war, having two funerals in one week. Ap. thinks nothing so sinful as whistling a reel, and, due to his influence, this diabolical sin is disappearing on the plantation w^here he works. Ap. used to be a tenant of mine. When he was with me, he had hard luck in getting, as he said, "Healthy Mules," for his mule would die every year as a result of starvation and mistreatment. Ap. didn't leave my place voluntarily, nor did I run him off, the sheriff took him. Ap. had mortgaged some live stock, which he didn't own, to Mr. C. T. Gandy, for a horse. The horse as usual, died, and Mr. Gandy proceeded against the security, and found Ap. had made false pretenses. Ap. explain- ed to the court, but, nevertheless, was given twelve months. He has never gotten well off enough again to rent land, that's why he is working for wages. When Ap. escaped, or, rather, worked out his legal entanglements, I greeted him one day, and in reply to my salutation, he said: — 'Yes Sir, Mr. Mac, the white folks treats the niggers mighty mean sometime, but, let me tell you, they can take the poor nigger and cuse him er stealin", and have a passale er other niggers tell lies on him, an put him in the gang, but, thank God, there is one thing they can't get, they can't get de poor nig- gers 'ligon, when he gits dat, he is got something neither white folks nor niggers can ever git away from him. Yes, Sir, I'm gwine ter have a revival next week, Sir." 26 Dr. Ainsworth came by for me in his auto, to go out and see the prize fight. It was to take place at Bob Mitchell's, a resort for colored people on the outskirts of Thomasville, on the order of a miniature "Coney Island." There is no such place of am- usement here for white people, as not enough of them can afford to waste their money, but the colored man never has to spend more than a third of his money for necessities in the South, so has a plenty left for the dance hall, the lemonade barrel, the mullet stand and the blind tiger resorts. We found several cars of white people when we got there, and enough negroes to have taxed the capacity of a counting machine. Upon our arrival we were sold tickets and escorted to the "white folks reserved seats," The combatants in the big event were Marion Ferguson, local champion, and famous over South Georgia for his skill, and Cape Town Joe. a yankee nigger as we were told, from somewhere up north. There were several supplemental little bouts between brats, but everyone was get- ting impatient for the main event. Mitchell came to me to find out about the prohibitory ordinance on the subject of fights, wanting to know if it did or did not apply to niggers. I thought it did, and to the little ones, too, who had already fought. Mit- chell thought, "to be sure," I was mistaken. Ferguson came to me and wanted to know if the law held good in a case where a yankee nigger had come down here and said he could whip any nigger in Georgia, and that everything in New England was better than it was in Georgia. When I told him it did; he thought it a mighty funny law. He said if the Mayor could see Cape Town Joe, he knew it would be all right for him to whip him. The impropriety of having the fight in town, being settled, the crowd, white, black, and indifferent, repaired to the Boule- vard, where a ring was fitted up in the open air, buggy lines be- ing used for ropes. Cape Town Joe was making preparation by having his seconds rub him down and bind his wrists, and Fer- guson took two stiff drinks. Mitchell announced for the fight- ers to come forward. Ferguson appeared, but Joe's seconds an- 27 nounced that Joe would have to have a chair between rounds. Mitchell thought he was getting mighty particular, the crowd agreeing, but sent for the chair. When the chair came, the an- nouncement was again made, and Joe sent w^ord for Mitchell to show his second the Thirty-Five Dollar purse, which had been promised to the victor. Mitchell didn't have but twenty-eight, and Joe said he wouldn't fight. Mitchell said Joe was a dad- blasted suck egg hound, and with the whole crowd of negroes following, started toward him w^ith a tie rein to sw^ing him to a limb, they all being highly indignant that their white friends should be disappointed after so much annoyance. We then in- tervened and made up enough to bring the pot to the Thirty- Five Dollars. Joe came to the ring, and we thought the fight was to proceed, but he hesitated, asking who was the referee and was told Mitchell. He said he knew Mitchell to be a gen- tleman of the highest integrity, but if there was no objection, he would like to have a white man referee. Mitchell said Joe evidently didn't know where he was at, and at the next hesitation he would take a posse and drown him in the creek. Fred Dismukes made Bob hush, and offered to keep time, suggesting that Reese be referee. Joe was now sati -- fied as white men would officiate at the ring, and so put on the gloves. In the meantime, Fergerson took two more drinks. The pugilists were in their chairs. Fergerson looked like a young giant, weighing some two hundred and fifty pounds, all muscle. Joe weighed about one hundred and fifty but looked active. All the negroes, except two or three, were betting on the local champion. At this juncture, Joe jumped up as if he had forgotten something, and asked who was holding the money. Mitchell said he was, and that furthermore; he was go- ing to kill the black scoundrel after the fight, if Fergerson had not already done so, that consideration for his white friends was all that kept him from doing it then. Dismuke made Bob give him the money, and time was called. The combatants went through the first round without any 28 serious exchanges. Time was called, and Joe took his seat. Marion stood up talking. He said he hadn't gotten ready to get in a good lick yet, he didn't want to end the fun too quick- The second and third rounds were w^ithout events, except a few lefts on Marion's cheek and jaw. At the beginning of the fourth, the local champion said he was going to put it to him this time, and rushed at his opponent. Joe sidestepped, and landed a right on Marion's nose, sending blood in every direct- ion. Marion cursed Joe, and started for him again. This time he got one on the jaw, which sent him to his knees. He promptly arose, rushed and clinched Joe, who gave a yell like a Comanche Indian. Everybody rushed to the side of the ring, and the referee was assisted in parting the combatants. Joe ask- ed for a decision, on a foul, showing that he had not only been severely bitten, but had been squeezed pretty near to death. 1 he foul was evident, but the crowd wasn't ready for the fight to stop, so Ferguson was warned, and they started on the next round, Ferguson swearing at Joe for hitting him in the nose, and then lying, claiming that he bit him. During this round Ferguson become pretty groggy, and Joe on account of his suc- cess, was getting a few friends among the negroes, who hadn't bet. In the next round Joe landed a right on Marion's jaw, and the latter was counted out. Joe went to his chair, was giv- en the money, and had a plenty of admirers around him. He now, for the first time became talkative, saying he could haye knocked Marion out the first round, if he had wanted to, and that he wasn't afraid of anybody; that the local negroes didn't know much anyway, and, that as for Ferguson, he didn't fight fair and was a low down dog. By this time Marion had recov- ered and overheard the latter remark. He ran across the ring, and before anybody noticed v/hat he w^as up to, had jerked Joe into the ring, and was sitting on his head, beating him on the back. It took about everything there to pull Ferguson off, and Dr. Ainsworth had to bring Joe too, again. Marion said he was going to kill Joe the next day, but Joe was never seen in 29 Thomasville again. Ferguson now says the trouble was:- - He waited too long to knock Joe out * « * 4> « • Parson Persons was a country divine of the Methodist per- suasion. He fought all sorts of iniquity, especially those who were guilty of "singing a reel," or absenting themselves from church. His good w^ife was equally pious, and w^as as disting- uished for devotion to her husband as for her piety. It was the Quarterly Meeting Sunday, and Rev. and Mrs. Persons were preparing for church. "Sail-Ann, git my buckskin watch chain. Where is my new celluloid collar? Git that pair of suspenders the Sunday school give me Christmas. Whar's the coat the Lovers of the Lord gave me on my birthday? Can't you git some of the mud off them new boots the convention give me last meetin'? I do know we aint a goin' to be ready in time;** could be heard all over the house. Mrs. Persons at last got her Reverend Lord in shape: — "Spick and Span, with his bible in his hand." Mr. Persons took a seat on the front porch, and began reading the bible, then he lighted his pipe, then removed his chair to the other end of the porch, then he said: — "Sail-Ann, aint you never gwine to git ready?" "Catch the horse dear, and 1*11 be ready by that time, came the response. As the horse w^as already caught, the parson drove him round to the front gate, and yelled: — "Sail-Ann, I do believe you'd keep the whole plan of salva- tion waitin* on them frills and furbelows of yourn." Mrs. Person was still busy tripping around the room, about to complete her toilet, when this came from her Lord: — "There now, Sail-Ann, I have done gone and spit on the bos- om of my bile shirt, a watin* fer you. I do declare you wim- men will drive a man to distraction." 30 "Come here, dear," was the reply from within. The parson reluctantly and sullently obeyed. "You are all right now, take that bucket of slops on the back steps to the calf, and I'll be in the buggy when you get back;" (patting him on the cheek until he had smiled.) The calf evidently hadn't been fed lately, or else it was a very greedy calf, without any table manners at all, for when the parson set the bucket in the lot, the calf ran up and pushed his head a way down in the bucket, tried to drink and breathe at the same time, and so got strangled, pulled his head out, and holding it up right in front of the parson's bent over figure, gave a sneeze such as only a calf with nostrils full of chicken gravy, beef marrow, pot licker and meal brand, could. The parson was now a ruined citizen, outwardly, and dejected, but wrought up, inwardly. His biled shirt and broadcloth coat were the personification of disorder and discord, and he was as inhar- monious spiritually and mentally as he was physically. He rea- ched down and got the calf by each ear, and soused his head down into the slop bucket, saying: — "Take that, durn ye, take that, if it wasn't for the Grace of God in my heart, I'd drown ye, dern ye.'. The parson went into the house and blamed his wife for it all, said the Catholics were right:- Preachers didnt have a bit of bussness gittin' married." I never did find out whether or not they got to church. « « «