F/zz Class Book _^ -_Z722: KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK, ETC. ETC. I9t isaarlieiti tfie in tiutster laa, Bic iwmt mit felaar^ellJ aan Ben Uag. It .n A HISTORY OF NEW YORK, From the n C ,y BEGINNING OF THE WORLD -^ ^. To the END OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY. Containing, Among many surprising and curious Matters, THE UNUTTERABLJE PONDERINGS OF WALTER THE DOUBTER, THE DISASTROUS PROJECTS OF WILLIAM THE TESTY, AND THE CHIVAI.RIC ACHIEVEMENTS OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG, Vti)t tljrce W\xu^ ©obernors of i^fiD^^mstcrtJam ; Being THE OJeLY AVTHEJS'TIC HISTORY OF THE TlJ)lEi' That ever hath been published. -♦- By DIEDRICH KNICKERBOCKER, IConKon : ROBERT THURSTON, FLEET STREET. 1828. f ^ t1£l ■y r CONTENTS. Page Account of the Author xiii Preface xxv BOOK FIRST. Containing clivers ingenious Theories and philosophic Speculations concerning the Creation and l'o|Hilation of the Woild, as connected with the Ilistcrj' of New Yorli. Chap. I. Description of the World i ] Chap. II. Cosmogony, or Creation of the World ; with a multitude of excellent Theories, by which the Creation of a World is shown to be no such difficult matter as common folks would imagine .... 6 Chap. III. How far that famous Navigator, Noah, was shamefully nicknamed •, and how he committed an unpardonable Oversight in not having Four Sons: with the great Trouble of Philosophers caused thereby, and the Discovery of America 13 Chap. IV. Showing the great Difficulty Philosophers have had in peopling America ; and how the Abori- giires came to be begotten by Accident, to the great Relief and Satisfaction of the Author 18 VI CONTENTS. Chap. V. In which tlie Author puts a mighty Question to the Rout by the Assistance of the Man m the Moon ; which not only delivers Thousands of People from great Embanassmenl, but like- wise concludes this Introductory Book 32 BOOK SECOND. Treating of the first Settlement of the Province of Nieuw Wederlaudts, * Chap. I. Tn winch are contained divers Reasons why a Man should not write in a hurry. Also of Master Hendrick Hudson, his Discovery of a strange Country ; and how he was magnificently rewarded by the Munificence of their Hi2^h Mightinesses 36 Chap. II. Containing an Account of a mighty Ark wliich floated under the Protection of St. Nicholas from Holland to Gibbet Island •, the Descent of the strange Animals therefrom ; a great Victory, and a description of the ancient Village of Commuuipaw... 44 ?HAP. III. In which is set forth the true Art of making a Bargain ; together with the miraculous Escape of a great Metropolis in a Fog ; and the Biography of certain Heroes of Commuuipaw 49 Chap. IV. How the Heroes of Communipaw voyaged to Hell Gate, and how they were received there 54 Chap. V. How the Heroes of Communipaw returned somewhat wiser than they went ; and how the sage Olofte dreamed a Dream j and the Dream that he dreamed 62 Chap. VI. Containing an attempt at Etymology; and of the Founding of the great City of Mew Amsterdam 66 Chap. VII How the City of New Amsterdam waxed great under the Protection of OloHe the Dreamer.. 71 CONTENTS. Vli Page BOOK THIRD. la which is recorded the Golden Reign of Wouter Vau T wilier. Chap. I. Of the renowned Wouter Van Twiller, his unparalleled Virtues; as likewise his unutterable Wisdom in the Law Case of Wandle Schoonhoven iind Barent Bleecker ; and the great Admiration of the Public thereat 76 Chap. II. Containing some Account of the grand Council of New-Amsterdam, as also divers especial good philosophical reasons why an Alderman should be fat ; with other particulars touching the State of the Piovince 82 Chap. III. How the Town of New Amsterdam arose out of Mud, and came to be marvellously polished and polite ; together with a Picture of our great great Grandfathers ^ 89 Chap. IV. Containing further Particulars of the Golden Age, and what constituted a fine Lady and Gentleman in the Days of Walter the Doubter 96 Chap. V. In which the Reader is beguiled into a delectable Walk, which ends very differently from what it commenced 101 Chap VI. Faithfully describing the ingenious People of Connecticut and thereabouts : showing, moreover, the true Meaning of Liberty of Conscience, and a curious Device among these sturdy Barbarians to keep up a Harmony of Intercourse, and promote Population : 10.1 CfiAP. VII. How these simple Barbarians turned out to be notorious Squatters. How they built Air Castles, and attempted to initiate the Nederlanders in the Mystery of Bun?Uing..< , 10 viii CoNTENTi. Page Chap. VIII. How the Fort Goed Hoop was fearfblly beleagued •, how the renowned Wouter to fell in a profound Doubt, and how he finally evaporated 114 BOOK FOURTH. Containing the Chronicles of the Keign of William the Testy. Chap. F. Showino; the Nature of History in general ; containing furthermore the universal Acquirements of William the Testy, and how a 3Ian may learn so much as to render himself good for Nothing 120 Chap. II. In which are recorded the sage Projects of a Ruler of universal Genius. The Art of Fighting by Proclamation, and how that the valiant Jacobus Van Curlet came to be foully dishonoured at Fort Goed Hoop 127 Chap. III. Containing the fearful Wrath of William the Testy, and the great Dolor of the New Amstcr- dammers, because of the Affair of Fort Goed Hoop. And moreover how William the Testy did strongly fortify the City. Together with the Exploits of Stoffel Brinkerhoff. 132 Chap. IV, Philosophical Reflections on the Folly of being happy in Times of Prosperity. Sundry Troubles on the Southern Frontiers. How William the Testy had well nigh ruined the Province through a cabalistic Word. As also the secret Expeditiun of Jan Jansen Alpendam, and his astonishing Reward 138 Chap. V. How William the Testy enriched the Pro- vince by a Multitude of Laws, and came to be the Patron of Lawyers and Bumbailiffs. And how the People became exceedingly enlightened and unhappy under his Instructions , 145 Chap. VL Of the great Pipe Plot; and of the dolorous Perplexities into which William the Testy was tlnt)vvn, by reason of his having enlightened the Multitude 151 CONTENTS. U Pase "o* Chap. VII. Containing divers fearful Accounts of Border Wars, and the flagrant Outrages of the Moss Troopers of Connecticut ; and the Kise of the great Amphyctionic Council of the East, and the DecUne,of William the Testy 156 BOOK FIFTH. Coutaining the first Part of the Keign of Peter Stuyvesant, and his Troubles with the Amphyctionic Council. Chap. I. In which the Death of a great Man is shown to be no very inconsolable Matter of Sorrow; and how Peter Stuyvesant acquired a great Name from the uncommon Strength of his Head 164 Chap. II. Showing how Peter the Headstrong be- stirred himself among the Rats and Cobwebs on entering into Office; and the perilous Mistake he was guilty of in his Dealings with the Amphyctions J 69 Chap. III. Containing various Speculations on War and Negociations; showing that a Treaty of Peace is a great national Evil 174 Chap. IV. How Peter Stuyvesant was greatly belied by his Adversaries the Moss-Troopers ; and his Conduct thereupon 178 Chap. V. How the New-Amsterdammers became great in Arms, and of the direful Catastrophe of a mighty Army ; together with Peter Stuyvesant's Measures to fortify the City, and how he was the original Founder of the Battery 185 Chap. VI. How the People of the East Country were suddenly afllicted with a diabolical Evil — and their judicious Measures for the Extirpation thereof. 190 Chap. VII. Which records the Rise and Renown of a valiant Commander ; showing that a Man, like a Blad- der, may be puffed up to Greatness and Importance by mere Wind 195 CONTENTS. Page BOOK SIXTH. Contaioing the second Part of the Reign of Peter the Headstrong-, and his gallant Achievements on the Delaware. Chap. I. In which is exhibited a warlike Portrait of the great Peter — and how General Von PofFenburgh distinguished himself at Fort Casimir 202 Chap. II. Showing how profound Secrets are often brought to light : with the Proceedings of Peter the Headstrong, when he heard of the Misfortunes of General Von PofFenburgh 210 Chap. III. Containing Peter Stuyvesant's Voyage up the Hudson, and the Wonders and Delights of that renowned River... 216 Chap. IV. Describing the powerful Army that assem- bled at the City of New-Amsterdam — together with the Interview between Peter the Headstrong and General Von PofFenburgh; and Peter's Sentiments touching unfortunate great Men 222 Chap. V. In which the Author discourses very in- geniously of himself. — After which is to be found much interesting History about Peter the Head- strong and his Followers ,. 227 Chap. VI. Showing the great Advantage that the Author has over his Reader in time of Battle — to- gether with divers portentous Movements ; wliich be- token tliat Something terrible is about to happen 234 Chap. VII. Containing the most horrible Battle ever recorded in Poetry or Prose ; with the admir:il)le Exploits of Peter the Headstrong.... 23l> CONTENT9. Xl Pago Chap. VIII. In which the Author and the Readar, while reposing after the Battle, fall into a very grave Discourse — after which is recorded the Conduct of Peter Stuyvesant after his Victory 249 BOOK SIXTH. Containing the third Part of the Reign of Peter the Headstrong— H is I'roubles with the British Nation ; and the Decline and Pall of the Dutch Dynasty. Chap. I. How Peter Stuyvesant relieved the Sove- reign People from the Burden of taking care of the Nation — with sundry Particulars of his Conduct in Time of Peace , 257 Chap. II. HowPeter Stuyvesant was much molested by the Moss-Troopers of the East, and the Giants of Merryland j and how a dark and horrid Con- spiracy was carried on in the British Cabinet against the Prosperity of the Manhattoes 265 Chap. III. Of Peter Stuyvesant's Expedition into the East Country ; showing that, though an old Bird, he did not understand Trap 270 Chap. IV. Hovy the People of New-Amsterdam were thrown into a great Panic, by the News of a threatened Invasion ; and the Manner in which they fortified themselves „...., 278 'hap. V. Showing how the Grand Council of the New Netherlands came to be miraculously gifted with long Tongues— Together with a great Triumph of Economy , 281 Chap. VI. In which the Troubles of New- Amster- dam appear to thicken — Showing the Bravery, in Time of Peril, of a People who defend themselves by Resolutions , , 285 Xii CONTENTS. Pag« Chap. VII. Containing a doleful Disaster of Anthony the Trumpeter j and how Peter Stuyvesant, like a second Cromwell, suddenly dissolved a Rump Parlia- ment "" Chap. VIII. How Peter Stuyvesant defended the City of New-Amsterdam for several Days, by Dint of the Strength of his Head.. SO"' Chap. IX. Containing the dignified Retirement and mortal Surrendei' of Peter the Headstrong 303 Chap. X. The Auther's Reflections upon what has been said .« • •• ••*••• ••••• 308 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. It was some time, if I recollect right, in the early pax*t of the fall of 1808, that a stranger applied for lodgings at the Independent Columbian Hotel in Mulberry Street, of which I am Landlord. He was a small, brisk-lookinff old gentleman, dressed in a rusty black coat, a pair of olive velvet breeches, and a small cocked hat. He had a few grey hairs plaited and clubbed behind, and his beard seemed to be of some eight-and-forty hours' growth. The only piece of finery which he bore about him was a bright pair of square silver shoe-buckles : and all his baggage was contained in a pair of saddle bags, which he carried under his arm. His whole appearance was something out of the common run ; and my wife, who is a very shrewd body, at once set him down for some eminent country schoolmaster. As the Independent Columbian Hotel is a very small house, I was a little puzzled at first where to put him ; but my wife, who seemed taken with his looks, would needs put him in her best chamber, which is genteelly set off with the profiles of the whole family, done in black, by those two great painters, Jarvis and Wood j and com- Xiv ACCOUNT OF niands a very pleasant view of the new grounds on the Collect, together with the rear of the Poor-House and Bridewell, and the full front of the Hospital ; so that it is the cheerfuUest room in the whole house. During the whole time that he staid with us, we found him a very worthy good sort of an old gentleman, though a little queer in his ways. He would keep in his room for days together, and if any of the children cried or made a noise about his door, he would bounce out in a great passion, with his hands full of papers, and say something about " deranging his ideas j" which made my wife believe sometimes that he was not altogether compos. Indeed there was more than one reason to make her think so, for his room was always covered with scraps of paper and o'd mouldy books, lying about at sixes and sevens, which he never would let any body touch j for he said he had laid them all away in their proper places, so that he might know where to find them ; though, for that matter, he was half his time worrying about the house in search of some book or writing which he had carefully put out of the way. 1 shall never forget what a pother he once made, because my wife cleaned out his room when his back was turned, and put every thing to rights 5 for he swore he would never be able to get his papers in order again in a twelvemonth. Upon this my wife ventured to ask him, what he did with so many books and papers ? and he told her, that he was " seeking for immortality;" which made her think more than ever, that the poor old gentleman's head was a little cracked. He was a very inquisitive body, and when not in his room was continually poking about town, hearing all the THE AUTHOR. XV news, and prying into every thing that was going on : this was particularly the case about election time, when he did nothing but bustle about from poll to poll, attending all ward meetings and committee rooms j though I could never find that he took part with either side of the question. On the contrary, he would come home and rail at both parties with great wrath ; and plainly proved one day to the satisfaction of my wife and three old ladies who were drinking tea with her, that the two parties were like two rogues, each tugging at a skirt of the nation 5 and that in the end they would tear the very coat off its back, and expose its nakedness. Indeed he was an oracle among the neighbours, who would collect around him to hear him talk of an afternoon, as he smoked his pipe on the bench before the door , and I really believe he would have brought over the whole neighbourhood to his own side of the question, if they could ever have found out whit it was. He was very much given to argue, or, as he called it jjhitosophizef about the most trifling mattei-, and to do him justice, 1 never knew any body that was a match for him, except it was a grave looking gentleman wlio called now and then to see him, and often posed him in an argument. But this is nothing surprising, as i have since found out this stranger is the city librarian, and, of course, must be a man of great learning : and I have my doubts, if he had not some hand in the following history. As our lodger had been a long time with us, and we had never received any pay, my wife began to be somewhat uneasy, and curious to find out who and what he was. She accordingly made bold to put the question to his fiieud. XVI ACCOUNT OF the librarian, who replied, in his dry way, that he was one of the Literati; which she supposed to mean some new party in politics. 1 scorn to pii&h a lodger for his pay, so 1 let day afler day pass on without dunning the old gentle- man for a farthing : but my wife, who always takes these matters on herself, and is, as I said, a shrewd kind of a woman, at last got out of patience, and hinted, that she thought it high time " some people should have a sight of some people's money." To which the old gentleman replied in a mighty touchy manner, that she need not make herself uneasy, for that he had a treasure there (pointing to his saddle-bags) worth her whole house put together. This was the only answer we could ever get from him ; and as my wife, by some of those odd ways in which women find out every thing, learnt that he was of very great connexions, being related to the Knickerbockers of Scaghtikoke, and cousin-german to the Congress-mau of that name, she did not like to treat him uncivilly. What is more, she even offered, merely by way of making things eaty, to let him live scot-free, if he would teach the children their letters j and to try her best and get the neighbours to send their children also : but the old (rentle- man took it in such dudgeon, and seemed so aflVonted at being taken for a schoolmaster, that she never dared speak on the subject again. About two months ago, he went out of a morning, with a bundle in his hand — and has never been heard of since. All kinds of inquiries were made after him, but in vain. I wrote to his relations at Scaghtikoke, but they sent for nswer, that he had not been there since the year before last, when he had a great dispute with the Congress-man THE AUTHOR. Xvii •dl)out politics, and left the place in a hufF, and they had neither heard nor seen any thin^ of him from that time to this. I must own I felt very much worried about the poor old gentleman ; for I thought something bad must have happened to him, that he should be missing so long, and never return to pay his bill. I therefore advertised him in the newspapers, and though my melancholy advertisement was published by several humane printers, yet I have never been able to learn any thing satisfactory about him. My wife now said it was high time to take care of our- selves, and see if he had left any thing behind in his room, that would pay us for his board and lodging. We found nothing, however, but some old books and musty writings, and his pair of saddle-bags ; which being opened in pre- sence of the librarian, contained only a few articles of worn-out clothes, and a large bundle of blotted paper. On looking over this, the librarian told us, he had no doubt it was the treasure which the old gentleman had spoke about j as it proved to be a most excellent and faithful History of New York, which he advised us by all means to publish : assuring us that it would be so eagerly bought up by a discerning public, that he had no doubt it wo Id be enough to pay our arrears ten times over. Upon his we got a very learned schoolmaster, who teaches our children, to prepare it for the press, which he accordingly has done ; and has, moreover, added to it a number of notes of his own 5 and an engraving of the city, as it was at the time Mr. Knickerbocker writes about. This, therefore, is a true statement of my reasons for having this work printed, without v.aiting for the consent XVm ACCOUNT OF of the author : and 1 here declare, that if he ever returns (though 1 much fear some unhappy accident has hefailen him), 1 stand ready to account with him like a true and lioues>t man. Which is all at present — From the public's humble servant, Seth Handaside. ludependent Columbian Hotel, Mew York. The foregoing account of the author was prefixed to the first edition of this work. Shortly after its publica- tion, a letter was received from him, by Mr. Handaside, dated at a small Dutch village on the banks of the Hudson, whither he had travelled for the purpose of inspecting certain ancient records. As this was one of those few and happy villages, into which newspapers never find their way, it is not a matter of surprise, that Mr. Knicker- bocker should never have seen the numerous advertise- ments that were made concerning him j and that he should learn of the publication of his history by mere accident. He expressed much concern at its premature appear- ance, as thereby he was prevented from making several important corrections and alterations : as well as from profiting by many curious hints which he had collected during his travels along the shores of the Tappan Sea, and his sojourn at Haverstraw and Esopus. Finding that there was no longer any immediate neces- sity for his return to New York, he extended his journey THE AUTHOR. XIX up to the residence of his relations at Scaghtikoke. On his way thither he stopped for some days at Albany, for which city he is known to have entertained a great partia- lity. He found it, however, considerably altered, and was much concerned at the inroads and improvements which the Yankees were making, and the consequent decline of the good old Dutch manners. Indeed he was informed that these intruders were making sad innovations in all parts of the state 5 where they had given great trouble and vexation to the regular Dutch settlers, by the introduction of turnpike gates and country school-houses. It is said also, that Mr. Knickerbocker shook his head sorrowfully at noticing the gradual decay of the great Vander Heydeii palace 5 but was highly indignant at finding that the ancient Dutch church, which stood in the middle of the street, had been pulled down since his last visit. The fame of Mr. Knickerbocker's History having reached even to Albany, he received much flattering attention from its worthy burghers j some of whom, however, pointed out two or three very great errors he had fallen into, particularly that of suspending a lump of sugar over the Albany tea tables, which, they assured him, had been discountenanced for some years past. Several families, moreover, were somewhat piqued that their ancestors had not been mentioned in his work, and showed great jealousy of their neighbours who had thus been distinguished j while the latter, it must be confessed, plumed themselves vastly thereupon ; considering these recordings in the light of letters patent of nobility, establishing their claims to ancestry — which, in this republican country, is a matter of no little solicitude and vain-glory. XX ACCOUNT OF It is also said, that lie enjoyed high favour and coun* tenance from the governor, who once asked him to dinner, and was seen two or three times to shake hands •with him when they met in the street j which certainly was going great lengths, considering that they differed in politics. Indeed, certain of the governor's confi- dential friends, to whom he could venture to speak his mind freely on such matters, have assured us that he privately entertained a considerable good will for our author — nay, he even once went so far as to declare, and that openly too, and at his own table, just after dinner, that " Knickerbocker was a very well meaning sort of an old gentleman, and no fool." From all which many have been led to suppose that, had our author been of different politics, and written for the newspapers instead of wasting his talents on histories, he might have risen to some post of honour and profit : peradven- sure to be a notary public, or even a justice in the ten pound court. Uesides the honours and civilities already mentioned, he was much caressed by the literati of Albany j parti- cularly Mr. John Cook, who entertained him very hos- pitably at his circulating library and reading room, where they tised to drink Spa water, and talk about the ancients. He found Mr. Cook a man after his own heart of great literary research, and a curious collector of books. At parting, the latter, in testimony of friendship, made hhu a piesent of the two oldest works of his collection; which were, the earliest edition of the Hiedelburgh Cate- chism and Adrian Vander Donck's famous account of the THE AUTHOR. "• XXI Kew Netherlands : by the last of which Mr. Knickerbocker profited greatly in this his second edition. Having passed some time very agreeably at Albany, our author proceeded to Scaghtikokej where, it is but justice to say he was received with open arms, and treated with wonderful loving kindness. He was much looked up to by the family, being the first historian of the name ; and was considered almost as great a man as his cousin the Congress- man—with whom by the by, he became perfectly reconciled and contracted a strong friendship. In spite, however, of the kindness of his relations, and their great attention to his comforts, the old gentleman soon became restless and discontented. His history being published, he had no longer any business to occupy his thoughts, or any scheme to excite his hopes or anticipations. This to a busy mind like his was a truly deplorable situa- tion ; and, had he not been a man of inflexible morals and regular habits, there would have been great danger of his taking to politics or drinking — both which pernicious vices we daily see men driven to by mere spleen and idleness. I It is true, he sometimes employed himself in pre- paring a second edition of his history, wherein he endea- voured to correct and improve many passages with which he was dissatisfied, and to rectify some mistakes that had crept into it j for he was particularly anxious that his work should be noted for its authenticity ; which, indeed, is the very life and soul of history. But the glow of composition had departed — he had to leave mauy places untouched, which he would fain have altered j and even where he did XXII ACCOUNT OF make alterations, he seemed always iu doubt whether they were for the better or the worse. After a residence of some time at Scaghtikoke, he began to feel a strong desire to return to New York, which h« ever regarded with the warmest affection ; not merely because it was his native city, but because he really con sidered it the very best city in the whole world. On hi return he entered into the full enjoyment of the advantage of a literary reputation. He was continually imporlunei to write advertisements, petitions, hand bills, and produc- tions of similar import ; and, although he never meddled with the public papers, yet had he the credit of writing nnumerable essays, and smart things, that appeared on all subjects, and all sides of the question j in all which he was clearly detected " by his style." He contracted, moreover, a considerable debt at the post-office, in consequence of the numerous letters he received from authors and printers soliciting his sub- scription — he was applied to by every charitable so- -ciety for yearly donations, which he gave very cheerfully, considering these applications as so many compliments. He was once invited to a great corporation dinner ; and was even twice summoned to attend as a juryman at the court of quarter sessions. Indeed, so renowned did he become, that he could no longer pry about, as formerly, in all holes and corners of the city, according to the bent of his humour, unnoticed and uninterrupted j but several times when he has been sauntering the streets, on his usua? rambles of observation, equipped with his cane and cocket' hat, the little boys at play have been known to cry, " ther-" THE AUTHOR. xxiii goes Diedrich !"--at which the old gentleman seemed not a little pleased, looking upon these salutations in the light of the praises of posterity. In a word, if we take into consideration all these various honours and distinctions, together with an exuberant eulogium passed on him in the Port-Folio— (with which, we are told, the old gentleman was so much overpowered that he was sick for two or three days)-.it must be confessed that few authors have ever lived to receive such illustrious rewards, or have so completely enjoyed in advance their own immortality. After his retuin from Scaghtikoke, Mr. Knickerbocker took up his residence at a little rural retreat, which the Stuyvesants had granted him on the family domain, in gratitude for their honourable mention of their ancestor. It was pleasantly situated on the borders of one of the salt marshes beyond Corlear's Hook : subject, indeed, to be occasionally overflowed, and much infested, in the summer time, with musquitoes ; but otherwise very agreeable, pro- ducing abundant crops of salt-grass and bulrushes. Here, we are sorry to say, the good old gentleman fell dangerously ill of a fever, occasioned by the neighbouring marshes. When he found his end approaching, he disposed of his worldly affairs, leaving the bulk of his fortune to the New-Yoik Historical Society: his Hiedelburg Catechism, and Vander Donck's work, to the City Library; and his saddle-bags to Mr. Handaside. He forgave all his enemies • that is to say, all that bore any enmity towards him ; foras to himself, he declared he died in good will to all the world. And, after dedicating several kind messages to his relations at Scaghtikoke, as well as to certain of our most substantial XXiV ACCOUNT OF Dutch citizens, he expired in the arms of his friend the librarian. His remains were interred, according to his own request, in St. Mark's Churchyard, close by the bones of his favou- rite hero, Peter Stuyvesant ; and it is rumoured, that the Historical Society have it in mind to erect a wooden monu- ment to his memory in the Bowling-green. TO THE PUBLIC. "To rescue from oblivion the memory of former inci- dents, and to render a just tribute of renown to the many great and wonderful transactions of our Dutch progenitors, Diedrich Knickerbocker, native of the city of New-York, produces this historical essay."* Like the great Father of History whose words I have just quoted, I treat of times long past, over which the twilight of uncertainty had already thrown ]ts shadows, and the night of forgetfulness was about to descend for ever. With great solicitude did I long behold the early history of this venerable and ancient city gradually slipping from our grasp, trembling on the lips of narrative old age, and day by day dropping piecemeal into the tomb. In a little while, thought I, and those reverend Dutch burghers, who serve as the tottering monuments of good old times, will be gathered to their fathers j their children, engrossed by the empty pleasures or insignificant transactions of the present age, will neglect to treasure up the recollections of the past, and posterity shall search in vain for memorials of the days of the Patriarchs. The origin of our city will be buried in eternal oblivion, and even the names and achieve- ments of Wouter Van Twiller, William Kieft, and Peter Stuyvesant, be enveloped in doubt and fiction, like those of Romulus and Remus, of Charlemagne, King Arthur, Rinaldo, and Godfrey of Bologne. Determined, therefore, to avert if possible this threatened misfortune, I industriously set myself to work, to gathei • Beloe's Herodotus. XXVI PREFACE. together all the fragments of onr ancient history which still existed, and like ray revered prototype, Herodotus, where no written records could be found, have endeavoured to continue the chain of history by well authenticated traditions. In this arduous undertaking, which has been the sole business of a long and solitary life, it is incredible the number of learned authors I have consulted ; and all to but little purpose. Strange as it may seem, though such nmllitudes of excellent works have been written about this country, there are none extant which give any full and satisfactory account of the early history of New-York, or of its three first Dutch governors. I have, however, gained much valuable and curious matter from an elaborate manuscript written in exceding pure and classic low Dutch, excepting a few errors in orthography, which was found in the archives of the Stuyvesant family. Many legends, letters, and other documents, have I likewise gleaned in my researches among the family chests and lumber garrets of our respectable Dutch citizens : and I have gathei-ed a host of well authenticated traditions from divers excellent old Jadies of my acquaintance, who re- quested that their names might not be mentioned. Nor must 1 neglect to acknowledge how greatly I have been assisted by that admirable and praiseworthy institution, the New York Historical Society, to which I here publicly return my sincere acknowledgments. In the conduct of this inestimable work I have adopted no individual model, but on the contrary have simply con- tented myself with combining and concentrating the excellencies of the most approved ancient historians. Like PREFACE. XXVIl Xenophoii, I have maintained the utmost impavtiarrty, and the strictest adherence to truth throughout my history. I have enriched it, after the manner of Sallusf, with various characters of ancient worthies, drawn at full length and faithfully coloured. 1 have seasoned it with profound political speculations like Thucydides, sweetened it with the graces of sentiment like Tacitus, and infused into the whole the dignity, the grandeur, and magnificence of Livy. I am aware that I shall incur the censure of numerous very learned and judicious critics, for indulging too fre- quently in the bold excursive manner of my favourite Herodotus. And to be candid, I have found it impossible always to resist the allurements of those pleasing episodes which, like flowery banks and fragrant bowers, beset the dusty road of the historian, and entice him to turn aside and refresh himself from his wayfaring. But 1 trust it will be found that I have always resumed my staff", and addressed myself to my weary journey with renovated spirits, so that both my readers and myself have been benefited by the relaxation. Indeed, though it has been my constant wish and uniform endeavour to rival Polybius himself, in observing the requisite unity of History, yet the loose and unconnected manner in which many of the facts herein recorded have come to hand, rendered such an attempt extremely difficult. This difficulty was likewise increased by one of the grand objects contemplated inmy work, which was to trace the rise of sundry customs and institutions in this best of cities, and to compare them when in the germ of infancy with what they are in the present old age of knowledge and improvement. ■'^''^"* I'll K J" ACE. But the chkf inerit oa which 1 value my.elt; am! fuuud my h.>pes tv>r fuU.,^ res:anl, « that tUithful veracity ^ith *hKh 1 have ivajpHeU this iuvaluahle little woik • i-airfullv wium^viu^ away ibe chatfoi hy^K>,he..s, aud a,scaKlu.sc .he tares .^ table, wh.ch aiv I.k. apt to spr.u^ up auU ck>ke the seevls ot truth auU whole«<.,ue kuowlevljfe^Haa I beeu *uxiou. to i-apt.vate the sut>erticial throu^; who skim hke *w*Jk>ws over the surfacv o/ hteraturv ; or had 1 be^ «iii.KH« to cvHumeud my wruiu§^ to the j>amp>eml palates oi htc^rv epicu,v5-l might have availed mvself of the *>fc^^ity that over*hadow5 the iutant >ea.^ of our city, to iirt»»duiv a thousand pleasiu^ dctious. But I hive scrupulously dusc^i»xied mauy a pithy tale ami marvellous adveutu^, whereby the vWwsy air o*^ summer iu.K>leu<^ ■MSbt be euthralled ; j<-aK>u*ly maiutaiuiu^ that fidelity ^vuy. «M| dignity, ,bich shouM ever di^aiu^fui^ thJ ^««u. ^ For a writer ol" th« cW oU;erve. aa «kg^ critic. i*«.«st sustam the chai^cier of a wise ma«, writ^ag: K>r the iu.tr«.^io« of postertty: o-e wh.> has studied to mf.^m himself well, wh.> has p.>udered his subje.^ with can., ami adAr«s«d hMuself to our judgmeul lather thau to our imagiuatiou,*' Thrii^ ba|>py, tberetore, is tkb o«r reuowu^l city, ia Winit ii-rideats worthy of swellia^ the theme of hist\^ • ••J AMiUy twice happy is it ia havia^ such au hzstoriaj «* mrsclf to relate them. For at>er all, sfcu tie readier. c^tH^i ot tk,fm^ive^ aud ia tact empires ot'thems^h*^ are uoth^ug: without au hmoru^o It is the preseut «arrat.>r who records theur pro^spenty as they rise^wbo M-w ho prv>ps then- leeble memonab as they l.mei- to decav^who -uthet>> rnKFACE. XXXI lof^rllin- llu'ir HC-aUcrcd ria^iiinitN uh llu'y rol — iiiiil who |)i(>iiNty tit Icii^tli colk'clu tlu-ir uhIu-h into tlu- iiiausolcuiii of liiM work, and i-mrH a triiiniplial uioniini<-nt (o lianHniit their renown to ull succeedini^ uf^cH. Whut haH heen the fute of many fair cilicH of uiiti(|iiily, whoHe naMH-h'HH i uiuH encumber i\u: plainH of Kuropc and Auia, and awaken llie fruith'NK inipiiiy of the traveller? — they havi- sunk into dust und Hilenee — they have periHhed from lemeinhninee for want of un liistorian ! The pliilan(hro|>iHt may w4«'|» over llicii' dttsolalion — the poet may wane the viNionaiy ilij^hlH of hiu fancy — but uhiH ! alas ! the modern liiHtotian, whose pen, like my own, \h doomed lo ('oiiliuc itself to dull matter of fuel, HeekH in vain amon(^ tluir oblivious remains for bome memorial that may tell the instructive tale of their glory un«l their ruin. " VVurs, contlaj^ratioiiH, pen a;>^!iiu, and from the same nad cauKC, to nine-tenths of thost; whi as it were, bj- the very locks, just as the monster'"* a<^am»ntine fan^r? wei-e closing- upon them forever I And here have 1 , as before ob^^erved, caj-efully oolVecred, collated, and arrancrd them, scrip and scrap, *' pvni en pvnt, aai en pfttr and commenced in this little work, a histoiy to sen-e as a foundation, on which other historians may hereafter raise a noble superstructure, swelling in process of time, uutil Kniciej'hftcker^f Sew- ' V m rh , may be equally volnminofis with Qibinm^s fkOme^ or And now indolg-e me for a moment : while T Iav down my pen, skip to some eminence at the distance of two or three hundred years a-head : and, casting; a bird's eve clance over the waste of years that is to roil between, djscover myself— little 1 !— at this moment the projrenitor, prototypr. and percursor of them all, posted at the head of »h*s host of literary worthies, with my book under my «nR,and New-York on my back, pressing: forward like a gallaot OMnmaader to Immmmr* and immortality ! Such are the vain-g-lorious imajrininffs that will now and tlMB enter into the brain of the author — that irradiate, as with celestial light, his solitary chamber, cheering^ his weary spirits, and animating him to presevere in his labours. Auri 1 have freely given utterance tio these rhaf«sod»es whenever they have occorred : net, ! trust, from an nmisnal spirit of cgotisEn, but merely that the reader may for ooce have an idea how an author thinks and while be is writit^— m kind of kooffrie^e ^'cry rare <»rioiis^ and much to be desired. THE IITSTORY or NEW-YOIIK, BOOK FIRST. roNTATNINO niVKUR INfiKNIorS TIIFOTIIFS AND PHT- I.OHOIMIK; Sl'FfUI.ATIONfl TONf^KUNI NO THE CREATION ANI> POPULATION OK TIIK WORI.II, AS CONNECTED WITH THE HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAP I. Description of the World. ArcoRDING <(» (lie Inst aiithoi ilics, the world in wliirli we dwell is a luif^r, (»|t:iqiir, vtflectiiio;', inanimate niasn, flciatina^ in the vast etheical ocean of infinite spare. It has (he form of an oian^r, hcing an ohiale spheroid, r«iri- onsly flattened at (»|tposit<' parts, lor the insertion of two ima&^inary poles, which are snpposed to penetrate and nnite at the centre; thns forming; an axis, on wliie instructor of youth. A hollow sound, and a red-hot hiss, attended the contact, hut the theory was in the amplest manner illustrated, for the unfortunate bucket perished in the conflict: but the blazing countenance of PruAssor Von Poddinp^coft, emerged from amidst the waters, glow- ing fiercer than evei- with unutterable indignation where- by the students were marvellously edified, and departed considerably wiser than before. It is a mortifying circumstance, which greatly perplexes many a pains-taking philosopher, that nature often refuses to second his most profound and elaborate efforts ; so that often, after having invented one of the most ingenious and natural theories imaginable, she will have the perverseness to act directly in the teeth of his system, and flatly con- tradict his most favourite positions. This is a manifest and unmerited grievance, since it throws the censure of tiie vulgar and unlearned entirely upon the philosopher* whereas the fruit is not to be ascribed to his Iheoiy, which is unquestionably correct, but to the waywardness of dame nature, who with the proverbial fickleness of her sex, is continually indulging in coquetries and caprices, and seems really to take pleasure in violating all philosophic rules, and jilting the most learned and indefatigable of her adorers. Thus it happened with respect to the foiegoing satisfactory explanation of the motion of our planet; it appears that the centrifugal force has long since ceased to operate, while its antagonist remains in undiminished po- tency: the world therefore, according to the theory as it originally stood, ought, in strict propriety, to tumble into the sun — philosophers were convinced that it would do so, and awaited, in anxious impatience, the fulfilment of their prognostics. But the untoward planet pertinaciously con- tinued her course, notwithstanding that she had reason philosophy, and a whole university of learned professors opposed to her conduct. The philosophers took this i'l very ill part, and it is thought they would never have pa?- O HISTORY OF doned the slight and affront which they conceived put upon them hy the world, had not a good-natured professor kindly officiated as a mediator between the parties, and effected a reconciliation. Finding the world would not accommodate itself to the theory, he wisely determint^d to accommodate the theory to the world : he therefore informed his brother philoso- phers, that the circular motion of the earth round the sun was no sooner engendered, by the conflicting impulses above described, than it became a regular revolutit)n, in- dependent of the causes which gave it origin. His learned brethren readily joined in the opinion, being heartily glad of any explanation that would decently extricate them from embarrassment — and ever since that memorable era the world has been left to take her own course, and to revolve around the sun in such orbit as she thinks proper. CHAP. n. Cosmogony y or Creation of the World ; with a multitude of excellent Theories, hy rvhich the Creation of a Woildis shewn to be no such difficult matter as common Folks would imagine. Having thus briefly introduced my reader to the world, and given him some idea of its form and situation, he will naturally be curious to know from whence it came, and how it was created. And indeed the clearing up of these points is absolutely essential to my history, inasmuch as if this world had not been formed, it is mure than probable that this renowned island, on which is situated the city of New York, would never have had an existence. The regular course of my history, therefore, requires that I should proceed to notice the cosmogony or formation of this our globe. And now I give my readers fair warning, that I am about to plunge, for a chapter or two, into as complete a labyrinth as erer historian was perplexed withal ; there- fore, I advise them to take fast hold of my skirts, and keep close at my heels, venturing neither to the right hand noi to the left, lest they get bemired in a slough of unintelligi- NEW YORK. 7 ble learning, or have their brains knocked out by some of those hard Greek names which will be flying about in all directions. But should any of them be too indolent or chicken-hearted to accompany me in this perilous under- taking, they had better take a short cut round, and wait for me at the beginning of some smoother chapter. Of the creation of the world we have a thousand con- tradictory accounts; and though a very satisfactory one is furnished by divine revelation, yet every philosopher feels himself in honour bound to l^urnish us with a better. As an impartial historian, I consider it my duty to notice their several theories, by which mankind have been so exceedingly edified and instructed. Thus it was the opinion of certain ancient sages, that the earth and the whole system of the universe was the deity himself;* a doctrine most strenuously maintained by Zenophanes and the whole tribe of Elealics, as also by Strato and the sect of peripatetic philosopheis. Pytha- goras likewise inculcated the famous numerical system of the monad, dyad, and tryad ; and by means of his sacred quaternary elucidated the formation of the world, the arcana of nature, and the principles both of music and morals.-}- Other sages adhered to the mathematical sys- tem of squares and triangles ; the cube, the pyramid, and the sphere; the tetrahedron, the octahedron, the icosahe- dron, and the dodecahedron. J Wliile others advocated the great elementary theory, which refers the construction of oui' globe, and all that it contains, to the combinations of four material elements, air, earth, tire, and water ; with the assistance of a fifth, an immaterial and vivyfying principle. Nor must I omit to mention the great atomic sysiem taught by old Moschus before the siege of Troy ; revived by Democritus of laughing memory ; improved by Epi- curus, that king of goi»d fellows; and modernised by the fanciful Descartes. But 1 decline inquiring, whether the atoms, of which the earth is said to be composed, are eternal or recent ; whether they are animate or inanimate j • Aristot. an. Cic. lib, i. cap. 3. + Aristot. Metapii. lib. i. c. 5. Idem, de Ccelo, I. iii. c. !• Rousseau, Mem. siir. Musiqiie Ancien. p. 39. Plutarch de Pkc. Fhilos. lib. i. ia|). .1. t Tiiu. Lotr. ap. Plato, t. iii, p. 90, 8 HISTORY or vhether, agreeably to the opinion of Atheists, they were fortuitously aggregated ; or, as the Theists maintain, were arranged by a supreme intelligence.* Whether, in fact, the earth be an insensate clod, or whether it be animated by a soul j-f- which opinion was strenuously maintained by a host of philosophers, at the head of whom stands the great Plato, that temperate sage, who threw the cold water of philosophy on the form of sexual intercourse, and inculcated the doctrine of Platonic love — an exquisitely refined intercourse, but much belter adapted to the ideal inhabitants of his imaginary island of Atlantis, than to the sturdy race, composed of rebellious flesh and blood, which populates the little matter of fact island we inhabit. Besides these systems, wc have, moreover, the poetical thcogony of old Hesiod, who generated the whole uni- verse in the regular mode of procreation ; and the plausi- ble opinion of others, that the earth was hatched from the great egg of night, which floated in chaos, and v/as cracked by the horns of the celestial bull. To illustrate this last doctrine, Burnet, in his theory of the earth,J has favoured us with an accurate drawing and description, both of the form and texture of this mundane egg ; which is found to bear a near resemblance to that of a goose. Such of my readers as take a proper interest in the origin of this our planet will be pleased to learn, that the most profound sages of antiquity, among the Egyptians, Chaldeans, Per- sians, Greeks, and Latins, have alteriiately assisted at the hatching of this strange bird; and that their cacklings have been caught, and continued in different tones and inflections, from philosopher to philosopher, unto the pre- sent day. But while briefly noticing long celebrated systems of ancient sages, let me not pass over, with neglect, those of other philosophers; which, though less universal than re- nowned, have equal claims to attention, and equal chance for correctness. Thus it is recorded by the Brahmins, in the pages of their inspired Shastah, that the angel Bist- noo transformed himself into a great boar, plunged into • Aristot. Nat. Auscull. 1. ii. rap. 6. Aiistoph. Metaph. lib. i. cap.3. Cic. dc Nat. Deor.Ub. i. cap. 10. Justin IMart.Oiat. ad Gent. p. 20. ■f iMosht-im in Cudw. lib. i. can. 4. Tim. de Anim. Mund. ap. Plat. lib. iii. Mem. de I'Acud. Jes Bi>lle.s Letlres, I. xxxii. p 10, ct al. X Book i. ch. 5. NEW YORfe.. the watery abyss, and brought up the earth ou ../« tusks. Then issued from him a mighty tortoise, and a mighty snake; and Bistnoo placed the snake erect upon the back of the tortoise, and he placed the earth upon the head of the snake.* The Negro philosophers of Congo affirm, that the world was made by the hands of angels, excepting their own country, which the Supreme Being constructed himself, that it might be supremely excellent. And he took great pains with the inhabitants, and made them very black and beautiful ; and when he had finished the first man, he was well pleased with him, and smoothed him over the face, and hence his nose, and the nose of all his descendants, became flat. The Mohawk philosophers tell us, that a pregnant woman fell down from heaven, and that a tortoise took her upon its back, because every place was covered with water ; and that the woman, sitting upon the tortoise, paddled with her hands in the water, and raked up the earth, whence it finally happened that the earth became higher than the water.-|- But I forbear to quote a number more of these ancient and outlandish philosophers, whose deplorable ingorance, in despite of all their eriidition, compelled them to write in languages which but few of my readers can understand ; and I shall proceed briefly to notice a few more intelligible and fashionable theories of their modern successors. And first I shall mention the great BuflTon, who conject- tures that this globe was originally a globe of liquid fire, scintillated from the body of the sun, by the percussion of a comet, as a spark is generated by the collision of flint and steel. That at first it was surrounded by gross va- pours, which cooling and condensing in piocess of time. Constituted, according to their densities, earth, water, and air ; which gradually arranged themselves, according to their respective gravities, round the burning or vitrified mass that formed their centre. Hutton, on the contrary, supposes that the waters at first were universally paramount ; and he terrifies himself with the idea that the earth must be eventually washed * Homwell. Gent. Philosophy. + Johannes Megapolensis, jun. Account of Marquaas or Mohawk ludians, 1644. 10 HISTORY OF away by the force of rain, rivers, and mountain torrents, nntil it is confounded with the ocean, or in other words, absolutely dissolves into itself. — Sublime idea ! far sur- passing that of the tender-hearted damsel of antiquity, who wept herself into a fountain; or the good dame of Karbonne in France, who, for a volubility of tongue un- usual in her sex, was doomed to peel tive hundred thou- sand and thirty-nine ropes of onions, and actually ran out at her eyes before half the hideous task was accom- plished. Whiston, the same ingenious philosopher who rivalled Ditton in his researches after the longitude (for which the mischief-loving Swift discharged on their heads a most savoury stanza), has distinguished himself by a very ad- mirable theory respecting the earth. He conjectures that it was originally a chaotic cornet^ which, being selected for the abode of man, was removed from its eccentric orbit, and whirled round the sun in its present regular motion ; by which change of direction, order succeeded to confu- sion in the ari;angement of its component parts. The phi- losopher adds, that the deluge was produced by an nn- courteous salute from the watery tail of another comet j doubtless through sheer envy of its improved condition : thus furnishing a melancholy proof that jealousy may pre- vail even among the heavenly bodies, and discord inter- rupt that celestial harmony of the spheres, so melodiously sung by the poets. But I pass over a variety of excellent theories, among which are those of Burnet, and Woodward, and While- hurst J regretting extremely that my time will not sutler me to give them the notice they deserve — and shall con- clude with that of the renowned Dr. Darwin. This learned Theban, who is as much distinguished for rhyme as reason, and for good-natured credulity as serious re- search ; and who has recommended himself wondeifully to the good graces of the ladies, by letting them into all the gallantries, amours, debaucheries, and other topics of scandal of the court of Flora, has fallen upon a theory worthy of his combustible imagination. According to his opinion, the huge mass of chaos took a sudden occasion to explode, like a barrel of gunpowder, and, in that act, exploded the sun — which, in its flight, by a similar con- vulsion, exnloded the earth— which in like guise exploded NEW YORK. 11 the moon— and thus, by a concatenation of explosions, the whole solar system was produced, and set most sys- tematically in motion.* By the great variety of theories here alluded to, every one of which, if thoroughly examined, will he found sur- prisingly consistent in all its parts, my unlearned readers will perhaps be led to conclude, that the cieafion of a world is not so difficult a task as they at first imagined, I have shown at least a score of ingenious methods in which a world could be constructed ; and, I have no doubt, that had any of the philosophers above quoted the use of a good manageable comet, and the philosophical warehouse, chaos, at his command, he would engage to nianufactuie a planet as good, or, if you would take his word for it, better than this we inhabit. And here 1 cannot help noticing the kindness of Provi- dence, in creating comets for the great relief of bewildered philosophers. By their assistance more sudden evolutions and transitions are eftecteund him with Ogyges, and the Theban with Deucalion c 14 HISTORY or and Saturn. But the Chinese, who deservedly rank among the most extensive aud aiitbentic historians, inas- much as they hare known I he world much lousrer than any one else, dtx^lare that Nt^ah was no other than Fohi ; and wliat gives this assertion some air of ciedjbihty is, that it is a tact, admitted by the most enlisrbteued litei-ati, that Noah ti-avclled into China, at the time uf the building of tlie tower of Babel ^^pi\»bably to irapn.»ve himself m the study of lausruasres^, and the learned Dr. Shuckford ^ives us the additional information, that the aik i-ested on a mouutam on the fix»ntiei^ of China. From this mass of rational conjectures and sa«:e hypo- theses, many salisfactors deductions migiit be di-a\»n ; but I shall ct^nteut myself with the simple fact stated in the Bible, viz. that Nt.'ah begral three sons, Sl»em, Ham, and Japbet. It is astonishing on what remote and ubscnre continsrencies the sreat aflaii-s of this wuild depend, and bow events the most distant, and to the common obsei-ver, unconnected, are inevitably consequent the one to the other. It remains to the philosopher to discover these mysterious affinities, and is the ptondest triumph of his skill to detect anrtioned out bis estate among h»s childi-en. To Sbem he gave Asia, to Ham Africa, aud to Japhct Europe. Now it is a thousand times to be lamented that he bad but three sons, fur had there been a fourth, he would doubtless have inherited Aracrii^ ; which of course would have been dragged forth from its obscurity on the ocosioD ; and thus many a baid- working historian and philosopher would have been spared a prodigious mass of weary conjectuie, respecting the first discovery and population of this couu- tr) . Noah, however, having provided for his three soos. NEW YORK. 15 looked, in all probability, upon our country as mere wild, unsettled land, and said nothing about it, and to this un- pardonable taciturnity of the patriarch may we ascribe the misfortune, that America did not come into the world as early as the other quarters of the globe. It is true, some writers have vindicated him from this misconduct towards posterity, and asserted that he really did discover America. Thus it was the opinion of Marie Lescarbot, a French writer, possessed of that ponderosity of thought, and profoundness of reflection, so peculiar to his nation, that the immediate descendants of Noah peo- pled this quarter of (he globe, and that the old patriarch himself, who still retained a passion for the seafaring life, superintended the transmigration. The pious and enlight- ened father Charlevoix, a French Jesuit, remarkable for his aversion to the marvellous, common to all great travel- lers, is conclusively of the same opinion ; nay, he goes still further, and decides upon the manner in which the disco- very was effected, which was by sea, and under the im- mediate direction of the great Noah. " 1 have already observed," exclaims the good father in a tone of becoming indignation, " that it is an arbitrary supposition that the grandchildren of Noah were not able to penetrate into the new world, or that they never thought of it. In effect, I can see no reason that can justify such a notion. Who can seriously believe that Noah and his immediate de- scendants knew less than we do, and that the builder and pilot of the greatest ship that ever was, a ship which was formed to traverse an unbounded ocean, and had so many shoals and quicksands to guard against, should be igno- rant of, or should not have communicated to his descen- dants, the art of sailing on the ocean ? Therefore they did sail on the ocean — therefore they sailed to America — therefore America was discovered by Noah ! [Vow all this exquisite chain of reasoning, which is so strikingly characteristic of the good father, being addressed to the faith, rather than to the understanding, is flatly Apposed by Hans de Laet, who declares it a real and most ridiculous paradox^ to suppose that Noah ever entertained the thought of discovering America ; and as Hans is a Dutch writer, I am inclined to believe he must have been much better acquainted with the worthy crew of the ark, than his competitors, and of course possessed of more C2 16 HISTORY or accurate sources of hiformatioi). It is astuiiisliitig how intimate historians do daily become with the patriarchs and •stlier great men of antiquity. As intimacy improves with time, and as the iearncii are particularly inquisitive and familiar in their acquaintance with the ancients, I should not be surprised, if some future writers should gravely give us a picture of men and manners as they existed before the Hood, far more copious and accuiate than the Bible ; and that, in the course of another century, the log-book of the good Noah should be as current among historians, as the voyages of Captain Cook, or the renowned history of Robinson Crusoe. 1 shall not occupy my time by discussing the huge mass of additional suppositions, conjectures, and probabilities respecting the first discovery of this country, with which unhappy historians overloaded themselves, in their endea- vours to satisfy the doubts of an incredulous world. It is painful to see these laborious wights panting and toil- ing and sweating under an enormous burden, at the very outset of their works, which, on being opened, turns out to be nothing but a mighty bundle of straw. As, however, by unwearied assiduity, they seem to have established the fact, to the satisfaction of all the world, that this country has been discovered, I shall avail myself of their useful labours to be extremely brief upon this point. I shall not stop therefore to inquire, whether America \»as first discovered by a wandering vessel of that cele- brated Phcenician fleet, which, according to Herodotus, circumnavigated Africa; or by that Carthaginian expedi- tion, which Pliny, the naturalist, informs us, discovered the Canary Islands ; or whether it was settled by a tem- porary colony from Tyre, as hinted by Aristotle, and Se- neca. 1 shall neither enquire whether it was first disco- vered by the Chinese, as Voscius with great shrewdness advances, nor by the Norwegians in 1002, under Biron ; nor by Behem, the German navigator, as Mr. Otto has endeavoured to prove to the S9avans of the learned city of Philadelphia. Nor shall I investigate the more modern claims of the Welsh, founded on the voyage of Prince Madoc in the eleventh century, who having never returned, it has since been wisely concluded that he must have gone to Ame- rica, and that for a plain reason — if he did not go there, NEW YORK. 17 where else could he have ^one ? — a question whicij, most Socralically, shuts out all further dispute. Laying aside, therefore, all the conjectures above men- tioned, with a multitude of others equally satisfactory, I shall take for granted the vulgar opinion, that America was discovered on the 12th of October, 1492, by Cluisto- vallo Colon, a Genoese, who has been clumsily nicknamed Columbus, but for what reason I cannot discern. Of the voyages and adventures of this Colon, I shall say nothing, seeing that they are already sufficiently known. Nor shall 1 undertake to prove that this country should have been called Colonia, after his name, that being notoriously self-evident. Having thus happily got my readers on this side of the Atlantic, I picture them to myself, all impatient to enter upon the enjoyment of the land of promise, and in full expectation that 1 will immediately deliver it into their pos- session. But if 1 do, may I ever forfeit the reputation of a reguhir bred historian. No — no — most curious and thrice learned readers (for thrice learned ye are if ye have read all that has gone before, and nine times learned shall ye be if ye lead that comes after), we have yet a world of work before us. Think you the first discoverers of this fair quarter of the globe had nothing to do but go on siiore and find a country ready laid out and cultivated like a garden, wheiein they might revel at their ease? No such thing — they had forests to cut down, underwood to grub up, marshes to drain, and savages to exterminate. In like manner I have sundry doubts to clear away, questions to resolve, and paradoxes to explain, before I permit you to range at random j but these difficulties once overcome, we shall be enabled to jog on right merrily through the rest of our history. Thus my work shall, in a manner, echo the nature of the subject, in the same manner as the sound of poetry has been found by certain shrewd critics to echo the sense — this being an improve- ment in history, which I claim the merit of having; invented. 18 HISTORY OF CHAP. IV. Showing the great difficulty Philosophers have had in peopling America — and how the Aborigines came to be begotten by accident, to the great relief and satisfaction of the Author. The next inquiry at which we arrive in the regular course of our history, is to ascertain, if possible, how tlivs country was originally peopled ; a point fruitful of incredible embarrassments : for unless we prove that the aborigines did absolutely come from somewhere, it will be immediately asserted in this age of sce{)ticism, that they did not come at all; and if they did not come at all, tlien was this country never populated — a conclusion perfectly agreeable to the rules of logic, but wholly irreconcileable to every feeling of humanity, inasmuch as it must syllo- gistically prove fatal to the innumerable aborigines of this populous region. i'o avert so dire a sophism, and to rescue from logical annihilation so many millions of fellow-creatures, how many wings of geese have been plundered ! what oceans of ink have been benevolently drained ! and how many capacious heads of learned historians have been addled and for ever confounded ! I pause with reverential awe, when I contemplate the ponderous tomes in different lan- guages, with which they have endeavoured to solve this question, so important to the happiness of society, but so involved in clouds of impenetrable obscurity. Historian after historian has engaged in the endless circle of hy- pothetical argument, and after leading us a weary chase through octavos, quartos, and folios, has let us out at the end of his work, just as wise as we were at the beginning. It was, doubtless, some philosophical wild-goose chase of the kind, that made the old poet Macrobius rail in such a passion at curiosity, which he anathematizes most heartily as " an irksome, agonizing care, a superstitious industry about unprofitable things, an itching humour to see what is not to be seen, and to be doing what signifies nothing when it is done." But to proceed : Of the claims of the children of Noah to the original population of this country I shall say nothing, as tliey NEW YORK. 19 have already been touched upon in my last chapter. The claimants next in celebrity are the descendants of Abraham. Thus Christoval Colon (vulgarly called Columbub), when he first discovered the gold mines of Hispaniola, — imme- diately concluded, with a shrewdness that would have done honour to a philosopher, that he had found the ancient Ophir, from whence Solomon procured the gold for embellishing the temple at Jerusalem : nay, Colon even imagfined that he saw the remains of furnaces of veritable Hebraic construction, employed in refining the precious ore. So golden a conjecture, tinctured with such fascinating extravagance, was too tempting not to be immediately snapped at by the gudgeons of learning ; and accordingly, there were divers profound writers ready to swear to its correctness, and to bring in their usual load of authorities and wise surmises, wherewithal to prop it up. Vatablus and Robertus Stephens declared nothing could be more clear : Arius Montanus, without the least hesitation, as- serts that Mexico was the true Opliir, and the Jews the early settlers of the country •, while Possevin, Becan, and several other sagacious writers, lug in a supposed pro- phecy of the fourth book of Esdras, which being inserted in the mighty hypothesis, like the key-stone of an arch, gives it, in their opinion, perpetual durability. Scarce, however, have they completed their goodly superstructure, than in trudges a phalanx of opposite authors, with Hans de Laet, the great Dutchman, at their head 5 and at one blow tumbles the whole fabric about their ears. Hans, in fact, contradicts outright all the Israelitish claims to the first settlements of this country, attributing all those equivocal symptoms, and traces of Christianity and Judaism, which have been said to be found in divers provinces of the New World, to the Devily who has always affected to counterfeit the worship of the true Deity. " A remark," says the knowing old Padre d'Acosta, " made by all good authors who have spoken of the religion of nations newly discovered, and founded besides on the authority of the fathers of the church!''' Some writers again, among whom it is with great regret I am compelled to mention Lopez de Gomai'a and Juan de Leri, nisinuate that the Canaanites being driven from the land of promise by the Jews, were seized with such a panic, that they fled, without looking behind them, until. *0 HISTORY OF stopping to take breath, they found themselves safe iti America. As they brought neither their national lan- guage, manners, nor features with them, it is supposed they left them behind in the hurry of their flight. 1 can- not give my faith to this opinion. I pass over the supposition of tne learned Grotius, who being both an amitassador and a Dutchman to boot, is entitled to great respect •, that North America Mas peo- pled by a strolling company of Norwegians, and that Peru was founded by a colony from China — Manco, or Mungo Capac, the first Incas, being himself a Chinese. Nor shall 1 more than barely mention, that father Kir- cher ascribes the settlertient of America to the Egyptians, Budbeck to the Scandinavians, Charron to the Gauls, Juffredues Pteri to a skaiting party from Friseland, Milius to the Celta, Marinocus the Sicilian to the Romans, Le Corate to the Phoenicians, Pos-tel to tlie Moors, Martin d'Agleria to the Abyssiniaiis, together with the sage surmise of De Laet, that England, li eland, and the Orcades, may contend for that honour. Nor will I bestow any more attention or credit to the idea that America is the fairy region of Zipangri, described by that dreaming traveller Marco Polo the Venetian ; or that it comprises the visionary island of Atlantis, described by Plato. Neither will 1 stop to investigate the heathenish assertion of Paracelsus, that each hemisphere of the globe was originally furnished with an Adam and Eve ; or the more flattering opinion of Dr. Romayne, supported by many nameless authorities, that Adnm was of the Indian race ; or the startlitig conjecture of Buffon, Helvetius, and Darwin, so highly honourable to mankind, that the whole human species is accidentally descended from a remarkable family of the monkeys 1 This last conjecture, I must own, came npon me very suddenly and very ungraciously. I have ofLen beheld the clown in a pantomine, while gazing in stupid wonder at the extravagant gambols of a harlequin, all at once elec- trified by a sudden stroke of the wooden sword across his shoulders. Little did I think at such times that it would ever fall to my lot to be treated with equal discourtesy, and that while 1 was quietly beholding these grave philo- sophers emulating the eccentric transformations of the h«ro of pantomime, they would on a sudden turn upon me NEW YORK. 21 and my readers, and with one hypothetical flourish meta- morphise us into beasts ! 1 determined from that moment not to burn my fingers with any more of their theories, but content myself with detailing the different methods by which they transported the descendants of these ancient and respectable monkeys to this great field of theoretical warfare. . , , j * This was done either by migrations by land or trans- migrations by water. Thus Padre Joseph d'Acosta enu- merates three passages by land, first by the north of Eu- rope, secondly by the north of Asia, and thirdly by re"-ions southward of the straits of Magellan. The learned Grotius marches his Norwegians by a pleasant route across frozen rivers and arms of the sea, through Iceland, Green- land, Estotiland, and Naremberga. And various writers, among whom are Angleria, De Hornn, and Bufton, anxious for the accommodation of these travellers, have fastened the two continents together by a strong chain of deductions— by which means they should pass over dryshod. But should even this failj Pinkerton, that industrious old gentleman, who compiles books and manutactures Geo- graphies, has constructed a natural bridge of ice, from continent to continent, at the distance of four or five miles from Behring's straits— for which he is entitled to the grateful thanks of all the wandering aborigines who ever did or ever will pass over it. It is an evil much to be lamented, that none of the worthy writers above quoted, could ever commence his work, without immediately declaring hostilities against every writer who had treated of the same subject. In this particular, authors may be compared to a certain sagacious bird, which in building its nest is sure to pull to pieces the nests of all the birds in its neighbourhood. This unhappy propensity lends grievously to impede the progress of sound knowledge. Theories are at best but brittle pro- ductions, and when once committed to the stream, they should take care that like its notable pots which were fellow-voyagers, they do not crack each other. For my part, when I beheld the sages 1 have quoted gravely accounting for unaccountable things, and discouvs- ing thus wisely about matters for ever hidden from then- eyes, like a blind man describing the glories of light, and ^2 HISTORY OF U^n^^?!? ^""^ ''^•'™""y °^ ^°^^"''^> J ^«" back in astonish, ment at the amazing extent of human ingenuity If, cned I to myself, these learned men can weave whole systems out of nothing, what would be their produces were they furmshed with substantial materials-if they can argue and dispute thus ingeniously about subjects beyond hen- knowledge what would be the profundity of C observations, did they but know what they were talking about! Should old Rhadamanthus, wheif he comes "^ decide upon their conduct while on earth, have the Tea t ideaof thenselessness of their labours, he will undoubted y dass hem wuh those notorious wise men of Gotham/who milked a bull, twisted a rope of sand, and wove a velvet purse from a sow's ear. ^eivet My chief surprise is, that among the many writers I have noticed, no one has attempted to prove that this country was peopled from the moon~or that the fim cinioe about the northern oceans— or that they were fiom Dover to Calais— or by witchcraft, as Simon Mas^us posted among the stars-or after the maZr of ?he renowned Scythian Abaris, who, like the New Endand Witches on full-blooded broomsticks made most unSd of Cx:l^ A^'oi'. ^^ ^ ^^'^- --> ^^- h^- by'ht rn.ddS,*^"'^' '^'" ''"f ™°^^ '^^^ by which this country could have been peopled, which I have reserved for the last because I consider it worth all the rest • it is— A« acc^dent! Speakmg of the islands of So omon, ^t^ . bse"::: '"In'^fiiTe-^a^'lTh'' ^'^ ^''^'^""^ ^^^•^^'- ^^^'--^ uuse ves, in tine, all these countries are peooled and if could have happened in that manner, why ml™Posed by nature on mankind V^h%'", "^''^"l'^'" apponued tw the „our.hnJ;;ir itJ!::,:!;;;^: -j^:;,:^ NEW YORK. 27 would be incapable of doing it, was it uncultivated. Every nation is then obliged by the law of nature to cultivate the ground that has fallen to its share. Those people, like the ancient Germans and modern Tartars, who, having fertile countries, disdain to cultivate the earth, and choose to live by rapine, are wanting to themselves, and deserve to be exterminated as savage and pernicious beasts* Now it is notorious, that the savages knew nothing of agriculture, when first discovered by the Europeans, but lived a most vagabond, disorderly, unrighteous life, — rambling from place to place, prodigally rioting upon the spontaneous luxuries of nature, without tasking her generosity to yield them any thing more •, whereas it has been most unquestionably shown, that Heaven intended the earth should be ploughed, and sown, and manured, and laid out into cities and towns, and farms, and country seats, and pleasure grounds, and public gardens, all which the Indians knew nothing^ about— therefore they did not improve the talents Providence had bestowed on them— therefore they were careless stewards— therefore they had no right to the soil— therefore they deserved to be exter- minated. It is true the savages might plead that they drew all the benefits from the land which then- simple wants requned —they found plenty of game to hunt, which, together with the roots and uncultivated fiuils of the earth, furnished a sufficient variety for their frugal repasts ',— and that as Heaven merely designed the earth to form the abode, and satisfy the wants of man ; so long as those purposes were answered, the will of Heaven was accom- plished.— But this only proves how undeserving they were of the blessings around them— they were so much the more savages for not having more wants ; for knowledge is ui . some degree an increase of desires, audit is this superiority both in the number and magnitude of his desires, that distinguishes the man from the beast. Therefore the Indians, in not having more wants, were very unreasonable animals ; and it was but just that they should make way for the Europeans, who had a thousand wants to their one, and therefore would turn the earth to more account, and by cultivating it more truly fulfil the will of Heaven. Besides — Grotius, and Lauterbach, and PufFendorf, and Titius, and • Va'tel b i c. 17. See likewise Grotius, Puflfendoif, &c. ' D 2 28 HISTORY OF many wise men beside, who have considered the matter pioperly, have determined, that the property of a country cannot be acquired by hunting, cutting wood, or drawing water in it— nothing but precise deniiucation of limits, and the intention of cultivation, can establish the posses- sion. Now as the savages (probably from never having read the authors above quoted) had never complied with any of these necessary forms, it plaiuly followed that they had no right to the soil, but that it was completely at the disposal of the first comers, who had more knowledge, more wants, and more elegant, that is to say, artificial desires, than themselves. In entering upon a newly discovered uncultivated coun- try, therefore, the new comers were but taking possession of what, according to the aforesaid doctrine, was their own property— therefore in opposing them, the savages were nivading their just rights, infringing the immutable laws of natuie, and counteracting rhe will of Heaven— there fore they were guilty of impiety, burglary, and trespass on the case— theietore they were hardened offenders asamst God and man— therefore they ought to be exter- minated. But a more irresistible right than either that I have mentioned, and the one which will be the most readily admitted by my reader, provided he be blessed with bowels of chanty and philanthropy, is the right acquired by civilization. All the world knows the lamentable state in which these poor savages were found. Not only deficient in the comforts of life, but what is still worse, most piteously and unfortunately blind to the miseries of their situation. But no sooner did the benevolent inhabitants of Europe behold their sad condition, than they imme- diately went to work to ameliorate and improve it. Tliey introduced among them rum, gin, brandy, and the other comforts of life— and it is astonishing to read how soon the poor savages learnt to estimate these blessings • they likewise made known to them a thousand remedies, by which the most inveterate diseases are alleviated ' and healed ; and that they might comprehend the benefits and enjoy the comforts of these medicines, tiiev previously introdued among them the diseases which they were calculated to cure. By the.^e and a vaiietv of other methods was the condition of these poor savag'es wpnder- NEW YORK. 29 fully improved ; they acquired a thousand wants of which they had before been ignorant, and as he has most sources of happiness who has most wants to be gratified, they were doubtlessly rendered a much happier race of beings. ..... , But the most important branch of civdization, and which has most strenuously been extolled by the zealous and pious fathers of the Romish Church, is the introduc- tion of the Christian faith. It was truly a sight that might well inspire horror, to behold these savages, stumbhng among the dark mountains of paganism, and guilty of the most horrible ignorance of religion. It is true, they neither stole nor defrauded ; they were sober, frugal, conti- nent, and faithful to their word •, but though they acted right habitually, it was all in vain, unless they acted so from precept. The new comers therefore used every method, to induce them to embrace and practise the true religion---except indeed that of setting them the example. But notwitiistanding all these complicated labours for their good, such was the unparalleled obstinacy of these stubborn wretches, that they ungratefully refused to acknowledge the strangers as their benefactors, and persisted in disbelieving the doctrines they endeavoured to inculcate ; most insolently alleging, that from their conduct, the advocates of Christianity did not seem to believe m it themselves. Was not this too much for human patience ? would not one suppose that the benign visitants from Europe, provoked at their incredulity, and discouraged by their stiff-necked obstinacy, would for ever have aban- doned their shores, and consigned them to their original ignorance and misery ? — But no— so zealous were they to etfcct the temporal comfort and eternal salvation of these pagan infidels, that they even proceeded from the milder means of persuasion to the more painful and troublesome one of persecution — let loose among them whole troops of fiery monks and furious bloodhounds — purified them by fire aiid sword, by stake and fagot ; in consequence of which indefatigable measures, the cause of Christian love and charity was so rapidly advanced that, in a very few years, not one-fifth of the number of unbelievers existed in South America, that were found there at the time of its discovery. What stronger right need the European settlers advance 30 »ii8Tottv or to the country than this ? Have not whole nations of unin- foi'med savages been made acquainted with a thousand imperious wants and indispensable comforts, of which they were before wholly ignorant ?— Have they not been literally hunted and smoked out of the dens and lurking places of ignorance and intidelity, and absolutely scourged into the right path?— Have not the temporal things, the vain baubles and tilthy lucre uf this world, which were too apt to engage their worldly and selfish thoughts, been benevo- lently taken from them ? and have they not, instead thereof, been tauglit to set their affections on things above ? — And tinally, to use the words of a reverend Spanish father, in a letter to his superior in Spain — " Can any one have the presumption to say, that these savage pagans ha^■e yielded any thing more than an inconsiderable recompense to their benefactors, in surrendering to them a little pitiful tract of this dirty sublunary planet, in exchange for a glorious inheritance in the kingdom of Heaven ?" Here then are three complete and undeniable souices of right established, any one of which was more than ample to establish a property in the newly discovered regions of America. Now, so it has happened in certain parts of this delightful quarter of the globe, that the right of disco- very has been so strenuously asserted, the influence of cultivation so industriously extended, and the progress of salvation and civilization so zealously prosecuted j that, what with their attendant wars, persecutions, oppressions, diseases, and «ther partial evils that often hang on the skirts of great benefits, the savage aborigines have, some how or another, been utterly annihilated ; and this all at once brings me to a fourth right, which is worth all the others put together : for the original claimants to the soil being all dead and buried, and no other remaining to inherit or dispute the soil, the Spaniards, as the next immediate occupants, entered upon the possession as clearly as the hangman succeeds to the clothes of the malefactor — and as they have Blackstone,* and all the learned expounders of the law, on their side, they may set all actions of eject- ment at detiance — and this last right may be entitled the RIGHT HY EXTF.RMINATION, Or iu other words the KlUHT BY GUNPOWDER. * Bl, Com. b. ii.c. 1. NhW YORK. 31 But lest any scruples of conscience should remain ou this head, and to settle the question of right for ever, his holiness Pope Alexander VI. issued a niia^hty bull, by which he generously granted the newly discovered quarter of the globe to the Spaniards and Portuguese ; who, thus having law and gospel on their side, and being infl was the identical author of that truly philosophical stanza • •' Then why should we quarrel for nches, Or any such jrlit'ering toys ? A lig'lit heart and thin pai: of breeches Will go lliroujjh the world, my brave boys. " Such was the gallant junto chosen to conduct this voyage into unknown realms, and the wh(»lc was put under (he superintending care and direction of Oloffe Van Koi t- landt 5 who was hei fV,? n ? assure me, in confidence, that Gibbe iLfn L • .^ nothing more nor less thi. a ^'^ A^^;^ Z^^'^y Leaving these wonderful little id*>« J "'X'' "ose*. ...... „.eat, „„o„„. ...„°;\r. tK- 'i:. -^t'X"^: . greatly reioiced " Thi, " .^ i • j /'"^ *''''" ^^ ^as & y lejoicea i lus, exclaimed he, "if J mistake not, augurs well— the porooise i< =, fof n mistake «sh-a burgomaster amm ffi Ls his '. T f ^^'^'^^^^ 1 urning, therefore, directly to Hip h^ft fK^ the strait, vulgarly called the'ELRier' lUlZ 7 rapid tide which courses throu-h this Zrl'it .T '^ gallant tub in which Comnrodo e Van k f^^^' /^" embarked, hurried it forward witta ^elo^ ^iSeled in them, and after a violent "ru^Te effecfe.i i'u ^^'"'^'^"'^^-i^.^^ uP"" to have come to pass in very remo^; tuZ ff ^''^ ' ''"* '*> ^■«i'^ had lost the art of run. in. ^ If, n " r.' PV'''"'^'y ^^'^'^ "'=^t rivers which I ,lo not pretend to be sk I L, * '• f"'"'"^'"'".^^ i^ « th.ory in give it my belief. ^ ''''''^'*' "otWithsUndin- that 1 do fujly f A promontory in the HiLjhlaud*. NEW VORK. 57 a Dutch boat navigated by Dutchmen ; insomuch that the good commodore, who had all his life long been accustomed only to the diowsy navigation of canals, was more than evei- convinced that they were in the hands of some supernatural power, and that the jolly porpoises were towing them to some fair haven that was to fulhl all their wishes and expectations. j , , , Thus borne away by the resistless current, they doubled that boisterous point of land, since called Corlear's Hook,* and leaving to the right the rich winding cove of the Wallabout, where our infant navy is now-a-days put out to nurse, they drifted into a magnificent expanse of water, surrounded by pleasant shores, whose verdure was extremely refreshing to the eye. While the voyagers were looking around them, on what they conceived to be a serene and sunny lake, they beheld at a distance, a crew of painted savages, busily employed in fishing, who seemed more like the genii of this romantic region—then- slender canoe lightly balanced like a feather on the undulating surface of the bay. At sight of these, the hearts of the heroes of Communu paw were not a little troubled. But as good fortune would have it, at the bow of the commodore's boat, was stationed a very valiant man, named Hendrick Kip, (which being interpreted, means, chicken^ a name given him in token of his courage). No sooner did he behold these varlet heathens than he trembled with excessive valour, and although a good half mile distance, he seized a musquetoon that lay at hand, and turning away his head, fired it most intrepidly in the face of the blessed sun. The blundering weapon recoiled and gave the valiant Kip an ignominious kick, that laid him prostrate with uplifted heels in the bottom of the boat. But such was the effect of this tremendous fire, that the wild men of the woods, struck with consternation, seized hastily upon their paddles, and shot away into one of the deep inlets of the Long-Island shore. This signal victory gave new spirits to the hardy voyagers, and in honour of the achievement they gave the name of the valiant Kip to the surrounding bay, and it has continued to be culled KiP's Bay, from that time to the * Properly spelt hoeck, i. e. a p of land. 68 HISTORY OF present. The heart of the good Van Koitl-audt — who, [raving no land of his own, was a great admirer of other people's — expanded at the sumptuous prospect of rich unsettled country around him, and falling into a delicious reverie, he straightway began to riot in the possession of vast meadows of salt marsh, and interminable patches of cabbages. From this delectable vision he was all at once awakened by the sudden turning of the tide, which would soon have hurried him from this land of promise, had not the discreet navigator given signal to steer for shore ; where they accordingly landed hard by the rocky heights of Bellcvue — that happy retreat, where our jolly aldermen cat for the good of the city, and fatten the turtle that are sacrificed on civic solemnities. Here seated on the green sward, by the side of a small stream that ran sparkling among the grass, they refreshed themselves after the toils of the seas, by feasting lustily on the ample stores which they had provided for this perilous voyage. Thus having well fortified their deliberative powers, they fell into an earnest consultation, what was further to be done. This was the first council dinner ever eaten at Bellevue by Christian burghers; and here, as tradition relates, did originate the great family feud between the Hardenbroecks and the Tenbroecks, which afterwards had a singular influence on the building of the city. The sturdy Hardenbroeck, whose eyes had been wonderously delighted with the salt marshes, that spread their reeking bosoms along the coast, at the bottom of Kip's Bay, counselled by all means to return thither, and found the intended city. This was strenuously opposed by tiie unbending Tenbroeck, and many testy arguments passed between them. The particulars of this -controversy have not reached us, which is ever to be lamented ; this much is certain, that the sage OlofFe put an end to the dispute, by determining to explore still further in the route which the mysterious porpoises had so clearly pointed out : whereupon the sturdy Tough Breeches abandoned the expedition, took possession of a neighbouring hill, and in a fit of great wrath peopled all that tract of country, which has continued to be inhabited by the Hardenbroecks unto this very day. By this time the jolly Phoebus, like some wanton urchin, sporting on the side of a green hill, began to roll down the NEW YORK. 59 declivity of the heavens ; an0 HISTORY OF ag^ainst its base. This is the bluff well known to modern mariners by the name of Grade's point, from the fair castle, which like an elephant, it carries upon its back, And here broke upon their view a wild and varied prospect, where land and water were beauteonsly intermingled, as thoujjh they had combined to heighten and set off each other's charms. To their right lay the sedgy point of Blackweirs Island, dressed in the fresh garniture of living green : beyond it stretched the pleasant coast of Sundswick, and the small harbour well known by the name of Hallet's cove — a place infamous, in latter days, by reason of its being the haunt of pirates who infest these seas, robbing orchards and water-melon patches, and insulting gentlemen navi- gators, when voyaging in their pleasure boats. To the left lay a deep bay, or rather creek, gracefully receded between shores fringed with forests, and forming a kind of vista, through which were beheld the silver regions of Haerlem, Morrissania, and East Chester. Here the eye reposed with delight on a richly wooded country, diversified by tufted knolls, shadowy intervals, and waving lines of upland, swelling above each other; while over the whole, the purple mists of spring diffused a hue of soft voluptuousness. Just before them the grand course of the stream making a sudden bend, wound among embowered promontories and shores of emerald verdure, that seemed to melt into the wave, A character of gentleness and mild fertility prevailed around. The sun had just descended, and the thin haze of twilight, like a transparent veil drawn over the bosom of virgin beauty, heightened the charms which it half concealed. Ah ! witching scenes of foul delusion ! Ah ! hapless voyagers, gazing with simple wonder on these Circean shores ! Such, alas ! are they, poor easy souls, who listen to the seductions of a wicked world — treacherous are its smiles, fatal its caresses. He who yields to its enticements launches upon a whelming tide, and trusts his feeble bark among the dimpling eddies of a whirlpool ! And thus it fared with the worthies of Pavonia, who, little mistrusting the guileful scene before them, drifted quietly on, until they were aroused by an uncommon tossing and agitation of their vessels. For now the late dimpling current began to broil around then), and the waves to boil and foam with NEW YORK. fil horrific fury Awakened as if from a dream, Ihe astonished Olofte bawled aloud to put about, but his words were lost amid the roaring of the waters. And now ensued a scene of direful consternation : at one time they were borne with dreadful velocity, among tumultuous breakers, at another hurried down boisterous rapids. Now they were nearly dashed upon the Hen and Chickens (infamous rocks ! more voracious than Scylla and her whelps) ; and anon they seemed sinking into yawning gulfs that threatened to entomb them beneath the waves. All the elements com- bined to produce a hideous confusion. The waters raged — the winds howled — and as they were hurried along, several of the astonished mariners beheld the rocks and trees of the neighbouring shores, driving through the all- ! At length the mighty tub of Commodore Van Kortlandt was drawn into the vortex of that tremendous whirlpool called the Pot, where it was whirled about in giddy mazes, nntil the senses of the good commander and his crew were overpowered by the horror of the scene, and the strangeness of the revolution. How the gallant squadron of Pavonia was snatched from the jaws of this modern Charybdis, has never been truly made known ; for so many survived to tell the tale, and what is still more wonderful, told it in so many different ways, that there has ever prevailed a great variety of opinions on the subject. As to the commodore and his crew, when they came to their senses they found themselves stranded on the Long Island shore. The worthy commodore, indeed, used to relate many and wonderful stories of his adventures in this time of peril, which, by his account, did far exceed those of (he sage Ulysses, in the straits of Charybdis. For he saw spectres flying in the air, and heard the yelling of hobgoblins, and put his hand into the Pot when they were whirled around, and found the water scalding hot, and beheld several uncouth looking beings seated on rocks, and skimming it with huge ladles j but particularly he declared with great exultation, that he saw the losel por- poises, which had betrayed them into this peril, some broil- ing on the gridiron, and others hissing in the fryingpan. These, however, were consideied by many as mere phantasies uf the commodore^s imagination, while he lay in a trance j especially as he was known to be given to G 62r HISTORY OF dreaming ; and the truth of them has never been clearly ascertained. It is certain, however, that to the accounts of OlofFe and his followers may be traced the various traditions handed down of this marvellous strait, as how the devil has been seen there, sitting astride of the hog's back and playing on the fiddle — how he boils fish there before a storm ; and many other stories, in which we must be cautious of putting too much faith. In consequence of all these terrific circumstances, the Pavouian com- mander gave this pass the name of Helle-gat^ or as it has been interpreted, Hell-gate 3* which it continues to bear at the present day. CHAP. V. How the Heroes of Communipaw returned somewhat wiser than they went— and how the sage Oloffe dreamed a Dream-— and the Dream that he dreamed. The darkness of night had closed upon this disastrous day, and doleful night was it to the shipwrecked Pa- vonians, whose ears were incessantly assailed with the raging of the elements, and the howling of the hobgoblins that infested this perfidious strait. But when the morn- ing dawned, the horrors of the preceding evening had passed away ; rapids, breakers, and whirlpools, had dis- appeared ; the ^stream again ran smooth and dimpling, and having changed its tide, rolled gently back, towards the quarter where lay their much-regretted home. The woe-begone heroes of Communipaw eyed each other • This is a narrow stiait in the Sound, at tlie distance of six miles above New-York. It is dangerous to sliippiug, unless under the care of skilful pilots, by reason of numerous rocks, shelves, and whirlpools. These have received sundry appellations, such as the gridiron, frying- pan, hog's back, pot, £cc. ; audare very violent and turbulent at certain times of tide. Certain wise men who instruct these modern days have softened the above characteristic name into Hurl-gate, which means nothing. I leave them to give their own etymology. The name as given by our author is sr.pp rted by the map in VanderDonck's his- tory, published in 1656, by Ogiivie's History of America, 1671, as also by a journal still extant, written in the 16th century, and to be found in Hazard's State Paper. And an old MS. writleii in French, speaking of vaiiou al'erations in names about this city, observes, " De Hell-gat, tro d'Enfer, ils out fait HelUgate, porte d'Enfer." NEW YORK. fl9 with rueful countenances-, tlieir squadron had been totally dispersed by the late disaster. Some were cast upon the western shore, where, headed by one Ruleft" Hopper, they took possession of all the country lying about the six mile stone; which is held by the Hoppers at this present writing The Waldrons were driven by stress of weather to a distant coast, where, having with them a jug of genuine Hollands, they were enabled to conciliate the savages, setting up a kind of tavern ; from whence, it is said, did spring the fair town of Haerlem, in which their descend- ants have ever since continued to be reputable publicans. As to the Suydams, they were thiown upon the Long- Island coast, and may still be found in those parts. But the most singular luck attended the great Tenbroeck, who, falling overboard, was miraculously preserved from sinking by the multitude of his nether garments. Thus buoyed up, he floated on the waves, like a merman, until he landed safely on a rock, where he was found the next moi ning, busily drying his many breeches in the sunshine. I forbear to treat of the long consultation of our adven- turers — how they determined that it would not do to found a city in this diabolical neighbourhood, and how at length with fear and trembling, they ventured once more upon the briny element, and steered their course back for Com- munipavv. Suffice it, in simple brevity, to say, that after toiling buck through the scenes of their yesterday's voyage, they at length opened the southern point of Manna-hata, and gained a distant view of their beloved Ci)mmunipaw. And here they were opposed by an obstinate eddy, that resisted all the effoits of the exhausted mariners. Weary and dispirited, they could no longer make head against the power of the tide, or rather, as some will have it, of old Neptune, who, anxious to guide them to a spot whereon should be founded his strong hold in this western world, sent half a score of potent billows, that rolled the tub of Commodore Van Kortlandt high and dry on the shores of Manna-hata. Having thus in a manner been guided by supernatural power to this delightsome island, their first care was to light a fire at the foot of a large tree, that stood upon the point at present called the battery. Then gathering together great store of oysters which abounded on the shore, g2 64 HISTORY OF and emptying the contents of their wallets, they prepared and made a sumptuous council repast. The worthy Van Kortlandt was observed to be particularly zealous in his devotions to the trencher ; for having the cares of the expedition especially committed to his care, he deemed it incumbent on him to eat profoundly for the public good. In proportion as he filled himself to the very brim with the dainty viands before him, did the heart of this excellent burgher seem to rise up towards hia throat, until beseemed crammed and almost choked with good eating and good nature. And at such times it is, when a man's heart is in lis throat, that he may more truly be said to speak from it, and his speeches abound with kindness and good fel- lowship. Thus the worthy OlofFe having swallowed the last possible morsel, and washed it down with a fervent potation, felt his heart yearning, and his whole frame in a manner dilating with unbounded benevolence. Every thing around him seemed excellent and delightful ; and, laying his hands on each side of his capacious periphery, and rolling his half closed eyes around on the beautiful d.versity of land and water before him, he exclaimed, in a fat half smothered voice, " What a charming pros- pect !" The words died away in his throat — he seemed to ponder on the fair scene for a moment — his eyelids heavily closed over their orbs — his head drooped upon his bosom — he slowly sunk upon the green turf, and a deep sleep stole gradually upon him. And the sage OlofFe dreamed a dream — and lo, the good St. Nicholas came riding over the tops of the trees, in that self-same waggon wherein he brings his yearly pre- sents to children ; and he came and descended hard by where the heroes of Communipaw had made their late vepast. And the shiewd Van Kortlandt knew him by his broad hat, his long pipe, and the resemblance which he bore to the figure on the bow of the Goede Vrouw, And he lit his pipe by the fire, and he sat himself down and smoked J and as he smoked, the smoke from his pipe ascended into the air and spread like a cloud overhead. And the sage Olofte bethought him, and he hastened and climbed up to the top of one of the tallest trees, and saw that the smoke spread over a great extent of country ; and as he considered it more attentively, he fancied that the great volume of smoke assumed a variety of marvel- NEW YORK. ^ lous forms, where iu dim obscurity he saw shacJowed out palaces and domes and lofty spires, all which lasted but a moment, and then faded away, until the whole rolled off, and nothing but the green woods were left. And when St. Nicholas had smoked his pipe, he twisted it in his hat-band, and laying his finger beside his nose, gave the astonished Van Kortlandt a very significant look-, then mounting his waggon, he returned over the tree tops and disappeared. And Van Kortlandt awoke from his sleep greatly in- structed, and he aroused his companions and related to them his dream : and interpreted it, that it was the will of St. Nicholas that they should settle down and build the city here. And that the smoke of the pipe was a type how vast should be the fxtetit of the city 5 inasmuch as the volumes of its smoke sliould spread over a vast extent of country. And they all with one voice assented to this interpretation, excepting Mynheer Tenbroeck, who de- clared the meaning to be, that it should be a city wherein a little fire should occasion a great smoke, or, iu other words, a very vapouring little city — both which interpre- latioijs have strangely come to pass ! The great object of their perilous expedition, therefore, being thus happily accomplished, the voyagers returned merrily to Communijiaw, where they were received with great rejoicings. And here calling a general meeting of all the wise men and the dignitaries of Pavonia, they related the v*hole history of their voyage and of the dream of Oloft'c Van Kortlandt. And the people lifted up their voices, and blessed the good St. Nicholas, and from that time forth the sage Van Kortlandt was held in more honour than ever for his great talent at dreaming, and was pro- nounced a most useful citizen and a right good man- when !ie -.vas asleep. (56 iMsroRv or CHAP. VI. Containing an attempt at Etymology — and of the founding of the great City of Netv- Amsterdam. The original name of the island, wherein the squadron of Communipaw was thus propitiously tlirown, is a matter of some dispute, and has aheady undergone considerable vitiation — a melancholy proof of the instability of all sub- lunary things, and the vanity of all our hopes of lasting fame; for who can expect his name will live to posterity, when even the names of mighty islands are thus soon lost in contradiction and uncertainty I The name most current at the present day, and which is likewise countenanced by the great historian Vaiidcr Donck, is Manhattan; which is said to have originated in a custom among the squaws, in the early settlement, of wearing men's hats, as is still done among many tribes. ** Hence," as we are told by an old governor, who was somewhat of a wag, and flourished almost a century since, and had paid a visit to the wits of Philadelphia — " Hence arose the appellation of man-hat-on, first given to the Indians, and afterwards to the island :" a stupid joke ! — but well enough for a governor. Among the more venerable sources of information on this subject, is that valuable history of the American pos- sessions, written by master Richard Blome, in 1687*, wherein it is called Manhadaes and Manahannet ; nor must 1 forget the excellent little book, full of precious matter, of that authentic historian, John Josselyn, Gent.-f* who expressly calls it Manhadaes. Another etymology still more ancient, and sanctioned by the countenance of our ever to be lamented Dutch ancestors, is that found in certain letters still extant ; J which passed between the early governors and their neigh- bouring powers, wherein it is called indifferently Mon- hattoes, Munhatos, and Manhattoes, which are evidently unimportant variations of the same name 3 for our wise • This history is to be found iu the library of Uie New-Yoik His- toi leal Society t I Hem. i Vide Hazard's Col. Stat. I'ap. NEW YORK. _^ ftM^fathers set little store by those niceties either in ortho- graphy or orthoepy, which form the sole study and amoition of many learned men and women of this hyper- critical age. This last name is said to be derived from the great Indian spirit Manetho ; who was supposed to make this island h.s favourite abode on account of its uncommon delights. For the Indian traditions affirm, that the bay was once a translucid lake, filled with silver and golden fish, in the midst of which lay this beautiful island, covered with every vaiiety of fruits and flowers ; but that the sudden irruption of the Hudson laid waste these blissful scenes, and Manetho took his flight beyond the great waters of Ontario. These, however, are fabulous legends, to which very cautious credence must be given ; and although I am wil- ling to admit the last quoted orthography of the name, as very suitable for prose, yet is there another one founded on still more ancient and indisput-able authority, which 1 particularly delight in, seeing that it is at once poetical, melodious, and significant 5 and this is recorded in the beforementioned voyage of the great Hudson, written by Master Juet : who clearly and correctly calls it Manna- HATA ; that is to say, the island of Maima, or, in other, words, " a land flowing with milk and honey !" It having been solemnly resolved that the seat of empire should be transferred from the green shores of Pavonia to this delectable island, a vast multitude embarked and migrated across the mouth of the Hudson, under the guidance of OlofFe the Dreamer, who was appointed pro- tector or patron to the new settlement. And here let me bear testimony to the matchless honesty and magnanimity of our worthy forefathers, who purchased the soil of the native Indians, before erecting a single roof; a circumstance singular and almost incredible in the annals of discovery and colonization. The first settlement was made on the south-west point of the island, on the very spot where the good St. Nicholas had appeared in the dream. Here they built a mighty and impregnable fort and trading house, called Fort Amsterdam, which stood on that eminence at present occupied by the custom-house, with the open space now called the bowling-green, in front. Around this potent fortress was soon seen a numeroug 8B HISTORY OF ,||' progeny of little Dutch houses, with tiled roots, all which seemed most lovingly to nestle under its walls, like a brood of half-fledged chickens sheltered under the wings of the mother hen. The whole was surrounded by an enclosure of strong palisadocs, to guard against any sudden irruption of'the savages who wandered in hordes about the swamps and forests, that extended over those tracts of country at present called Broadway, Wall Street, William Street, and Pearl Street, No sooner was the colony once planted, than it took root and throve amazingly, for it would seem that this thrice favoured island is like a munificent dunghill, where every foreign weed finds kindly nouris!;ment, and soon shoots up, and expands to greatness. And now the infant settlement having advanced in age and stature, it was thought high time it should receive an honest Christian name, and it was accordingly called New- Amsterdam. It is true there were some advocates for the original Indian name, and many of the best writers of the province did long continue to call it by the title of " The Manhattoes,'' but this was discountenanced by the autho- rities, as being heathenish and savaeg. Besides, it was considered an excellent and praiseworthy measure to name it after a great city of the old world ; as by that means it was induced to emulate the greatness and re- nown of its namesake — in the manner that little snivelling urchins are called after great statesmen, saints, and wor- thies, and renowned generals of yore, upon which they all industriously copy their examples, and come to be very mighty men in their day and generation. The thriving state of the settlement and the rapid increase of houses gradually awakened the good Oloffe from a deep lethargy, into which he had fallen after the building of the fort. He now began to think it was time some plan should be devised, on which the increasing town should be built. Summoning, therefore, his coun- sellors and coadjutors together, they took pipe in mouth, and forthwith sunk into a very sound deliberation on the subject. At the very outset of the business an unexpected dif- ference of opinion arose, and I mention it with much sor- rowing, as being the first altercation on record in the councils of New Amsterdam. It was a breaking forth of NEW YORK. 89 the grudge and heartburning that had existed between tliose two eminent burghers, Mynheers Tenbroeck and Hardenbroeck, ever since their unhappy altercation on the coast of Bellevue. The great Hardenbroeck had waxed very wealthy and powerful from his domains, which embi'aced the whole chain of Apulean mountains that stretch along the gulph of Kip's Bay, and from part of which his descendants have been expelled in latter ages by the powerful clans of the Joneses and the Shermer- hornes. An ingenious plan for the city was ofFei-ed by Mynheer Tenbroeck, who proposed that it should be cut up and intersected by canals, after the manner of the most admired cities in Holland. To this Mynheer Hardenbroeck was diametrically opposed, suggesting in place thereof that they should run out docks and wharfs, by means of piles, driven into the bottom of the river, on which the town should be built, " By these means," said he tri- umphantly, *< shall we rescue a considerable space of territoi-y from these immense rivers, and build a city that shall rival Amsterdam, Veiiice, or any amphibious city in Europe." To this proposition Tenbroeck (or Ten Breeches) replied, with a look of as much scorn as he could possibly assume. He cast the utmost censure upon the plan of his antagonist, as being preposterous and ag^ainst the very order of things, as he would leave to every true Hollander. " For what," said he, " is a town without canals ?-^It is like a body without veins and arteries, and must perish for want of a free circulation of the vital fluid." Tough Breeches, on the contrary, retorted with a sarcasm upon his antagonist, who was somewhat of an arid, dry boned habit ; he remarked, that as to the cir eulation of the blood being necessary to existence. Myn- heer Ten Breeches was a living contradiction to his own assertion ; for every body knew there had not a drop of blood circulated through his wind-dried carcass for goo«l ten years, and yet there was not a greater busybody in the whole colony Personalities have seldom much effect in making converts in argument 5 nor have 1 ever seen a man convinced of e*-ror by being convicted of deformity. At least, such was not the case at present. Ten Breeches was very acrimonious in reply, and Tough Breeches, who was a sturdy little man, and never gave up the last word. ^^ HISTORY OF rejoined with iuaeasing spirit-Ten Breeches had the advantage ot the greatest vohibility, but Tough Breeches nacy-Teu Breeches had, therefore, the most mettle, but Tough Breeches the best bottom-so thai though Ten B.eeches made a dreadful clattering about his cars, and battered and belaboured him with hard ;rords and sou"d t7ria t' '4\ ^-^^^--h- hung on most resolutely to the last. They parted, therefore, as is usual in ail aiguments where bofh parties are in the right, without coming to any conclusion ; but they hated eacl. o her mos heartdy for ever afUr, and a similar breach with that be ween the houses of Capulet and Montague dU ensue be ween the families of Ten Breeches and T^ugh Breeches 1 would not fatigue my readers with these dull mattei^ ?! . f '.^",S ^^* ""^ ^'"^y ^' ^ ^'^i^^f"l historian requ res hat I should be particular; and, in truth, as I am now reating of the critical period, when our city, like a oun^ tw,g,hrst received the twists and turns, that have sS contributed to give it the present picturesque ineguWity Jor which It IS celebrated, I cannot be too minute in detailing then- first causes. ^ "' After the unhappy altercation 1 have just mentioned, f do not find that any thing further was sai.l on the subW jvorthy of being recorded. The council, consisting of the Jarge.t and oldest heads in the communi y, met re^u a I v once a week, to ponder on this momentous suMec^ bL^t either they were deterred by the war of words^ they had witnessed, or they were naturally averse to the exercise of the tongue, and the consequent exercise of the brains- certain it is, the most profound silence was maintained- ihe question as usual lay on the table-the members quietly smoked their pipes, making but few laws, witho' settlement went on— as it pleased God. As most of the council were but little skilled in the n.ystery of combining pot-hooks and hangers, they deter mined most judiciously not to puzzle eithl- themselves o^ posterity with voluminous records. The secretary how- ever, kept the muiutesof the council with tolerable pred- s.on, m a large vellum folio, fastened with mas y ZaL da.ps ; the journal of each meeting consisted but of two iuies, stating, ,n Dutch, that « the%ouncil sat hb dT, NEW YORK. 71 and smoked twelve pipes on the affairs of the colony."— By which it appears that the first settlers did not regulate their time by hours, but pipes, in the same manner as they measure distances in Holland at this very time ; an admi- rably exact measurement, as a pipe in the mouth of a true born Dutchman is never liable to those accidents and irregularities that are continually putting our clocks out of order. In this manner did the profound council of New- Amsterdam smoke, and doze, and ponder, from week to week, month to month, and year to year, in what manner they should construct their infant settlement : meanwhile, the town took care of itself, and like a sturdy brat whicli is suffered to run about wild, unshackled by clouts and bandages, and other abominations, by which your notable nurses and sage old women cripple and disfigure the chil di'en of men, increased so rapidly in strength and mao^ni- tude, that before the honest burgomasters had determined upon a plan, it was too late to put it in execution — where- «?ponthey wisely abandoned the subject altogether. CHAP. Vif. How the City of New- Amsterdam waxed great under tlie protection of Oloffcy the Dreamer. There is something exceedingly delusive in thus looking back through the long vista of departed years, and catching a glimpse of the fairy realms of antiquity that lie beyond. Like some goodly landscape melted into distance, they receive a thousand charms from their veiy obscurity, and the fancy delights to fiill up their outlines with graces and excellencies of its own creation. Thus ' beam on my imagination those happier days of our city, when as yet New-Amsterdam was a mere pastoral town, shrouded in groves of sycamore and willows, and sur- rounded by trackless forests and wide spreading waters, that seemed to shut out all the cares and vanities of a wicked world. In tho«e days did this embryo city present the rare and notable spectacle of a community governed without laws ; and thus being left to its own course, and the fostering 72 HISTORY OF care of Providence, increased as rapidly as though it had been burdened with a dozen panniers full of those sage laws that are usually heaped on the backs of young cities — in order to make them grow. And in this; particular I greatly admire the wisdom and sound knowledge of human nature, displayed by the sage Olofte the Dreamer, and his fellow legislators. For my part, 1 have not so bad an opinion of mankind as many of my brother phUosophers. I do not think poor human nature so sorry a piece of workmanship as they would make it out to be ; and as far as I have observed, I am fully satisfied that man, if left to himself, would about as readily go right as wrong. It is only this eternally sounding in his ears that it is his duty to go right, that makes him go the very reverse. The noble independence of his nature revolts at this intoler- able tyranny of law, and the perpetual 'nterference of officious morality, which is ever besetting his path with finger-posts and dn-ections " to keep to the right, as the law directs -^"^ and like a spirited urchin, he turns directly contrary, and gallops through mud and mire, over hedges and ditches, merely to show that he is a lad of spirit, and out of his leading strings. And these opinions are amply substantiated by what 1 have above said of our worthy ancestors ; who never being be-preached and be-lectured, and guided and governed by statutes and laws and by- laws, as are their more enlightened descendants, did one all demean themselves honestly and peaceably out and of pure ignorance, or in other words — because they knew no better. Nor must I omit to recoi-d one of the earliest measures of this infant settlement, inasmuch as it shows the piety of our forefathers, and that, like good Christians, they were always ready to serve God, after they had first served themselves. Thus, having quietly settled themselves down, 1 and provided for their own comfort, they bethought them- selves of testifying their gratitude to the great and good St. Nicholas, for his protecting care, in guiding them to this delectable abode. To this end they built a fair and goodly chapel within the fort, which they consecrated to his name 3 wliereupon he immediately took the town of New Amsterdam under his peculiar patronage, and he has ever since been, and 1 devoutly hope will ever be, Che tutf hr saint of this excellent city. NEW A'ORK. I am moreover told that there is a little legendary hook, somewhere extant, written in low Dntch, which says, lljat the image of tliis renowned saint, which wliilome graced the howsprit of the Goede Vronw, was elevated in front of this chapel, in the very centre of what, in modern «lays, is called the Bowling Green. And the Itgend fnrther treats of divers miracles wrought by the miglity pipe which the saint held in his mouth ; a whiff of which was a sove- reign cure for an indigestion — an invaluable relique in this colony of brave trenciiermen, As, however, ui spite of the most diligent search, I cannot lay my hands upon this little book, I must confess that 1 entertain considerable doubt on the subject. Thus benigidy fostered by the good St. Nicholas, the bursrhers of New Amsterdam behehi their settlement increase in magnitude and population, and soon become the metropolis of divers settlements, and an extensive territory. Already had the disastrous pride of colonies and dependencies, those banes of a sound-hearted empire, entered into their imaginations^ and Fort Aurania on the Hudson, Fort Nassau on the Delaware, and Fort Goede Hoep on the Connecticut river, seemed to be the darling oifspring of the venerable couiicil.* Thus prosperously, to all appearance, did the province of New Netherlands advance in power ; and the early history of its metropolis presents a fair page, unsullied by crime or calamity. Hordes of painted savages still lurked about the tangled forests and rich bottoms of the unsettled part of the Island — the hunter pitched his rude bovver of skins and bark beside the rills that van through the cool and shady gltMis, while here and there might be seen, on some sunny knoll, a group of Indian wigwams, whose smoke arose above the neighbouring trees, and floated in the transparent atmo- * The province, about this time, extended on the noiili to Foit Aurania or Orange (now tlie city of Albany) situated aliout IGO miles up the Hudson river, indeed the province claimed quite to tiie river St. Lawrence : but this claim was not much insi-ted on at liie time, as the country beyond Fort Auiani i was a perfect wilderness. Oil the south the province readied to Fort Nassau, on the soi.lh river, since called the Delaware : and on the east it extended to the Vaishe (or fiesh) river, now ttie Connecticut. On this last frontier was .ike wise erected a fort and trading house, much about the spot where at present is situated the jileasant town of Hartford. 'J his was called Fort Goede Hoep (or Good Hope), and was intended as well for the purpose of trade, as of defence. n ''4 HISTORY OF sphere. By degrees a mutual goodwill had grown nn be- Iween these wandering beings and the burghers of New Amsterdam. Our benevolent forefathers endeavoured as much as possible to ameliorate their situation, by giving them gm, rum, and glass beads, in exchange for their peltries, for it seems the kind-hearted Dutchmen had con- ceived a great friendship for their savage neighbour^, on account of their being pleasant men to trade with, and little skdled in the art of making a bargain. Now and then a crew of these half human sons of the forest would make their appearance in the streets of New Amsterdam, fantastically painted and decorated with beads and flaunting feathers, sauntering about with an air ot listless indifference— sometimes in the market place instructmg the little Dutch boys in the use of the bow and arrow— at other times, inflamed with liquor, swaggerin-arret windows. It is worthy of mention here, that our fCrefa- thers were very particular in holding up these wild men as excellent domestic examples; and for reasons that may be gathered from the history of Master 0<^ilvie who tells us, that « for the least offence' the bridejroom soundly beats his wife and turns her out of doors, and marries another, insomuch that some of them have every year a new wife." Whether this awful example had any influence or not, history does not mention; but it is certain that our grandmothers were miracles of fidelity and obedience. True it is, that the good understanding between our ancestors and their savage neighbours was liable to occa- sional inlei ruptious ; and I have heard my grandmother who was a very wise old woman, and well versed in the history of these parts, tell a long story, of a winter's even- ing, about a battle between the New'Amstcrdammers and ttie Indians, which was known by the name of the peach war; and which took place near a peach orchard in a dark glen, which for a long while went by the name of Murdtrer s Valley. The legend of this silvan war was long current among the nurses, old wives, and other ancient chronicles of the NEW YORK. 75 ulace • but time and improvement have almost obliterated both tlie tradition and the scene of battle ; for what was once the blood-stained valley is now in the centre of this populous city, and known by the name of Dey Street The accumulating? wealth and consequence of New Amsterdam and its dependencies, at length awakened the tender solicitude of the mother country ; who tiudmg it a thriving and opulent colony, and that it promised to yield ffieat profit and no trouble, all at once became wonder- fidlv anxious about its safety, and began to load it with tokens of regard, in the same manner that your knowing people are sure to overwhelm rich relations with their affection and loving kindness. The usual marks of protection shewn by mother couiu tries to wealthy colonies were forthwith manifested ; the first care always being to send rulers to the new settle, inent, with orders to squeeze as much revenue bom it as it will yield. Accordingly, in the year of our Lord, 1629, Mvnheer Wouter Van Twilleu, was appointed go- vernor of the province of Nieuw Nederlandts, under the commission and control of Iheir High Mightinesses the Lords States General of the United Netherlands, and the privileged West India Company. . ^t * . This renowned old gentleman arrived at New Amstcr- dav in the merry month of June, the sweetest month ui all the year •, when Dan Apollo seems to dance up the transparent firmament— when the robin, the thrush, and a thousand other wanton songsters, make the woods to resound with amorous ditties, and the luxurious little boblincon revels among the clover blossoms of the meadows ; all which happy coincidences persuaded the old dames ot New Amsterdam, who were skilled in the art of foretell- ing events, that this was to be a happy and prosperous administration. But as it would be derogatory to the consequence of the first Dutch governor of the great province of Nieuw Nederlandts, to be thus scurvily introduced at the end of a chapter, 1 will put an end to this second book of my history, that I may usher him in with more dignity m the beginning of my next. END OF BOOIi SECOND, H2 76 HISTORY OF BOOK THIRD. IN WHICH IS RECORDED THE GOLDEN REIGN OK WOUTER VAN TWILLER. I CHAP. I. Of the reuoicncd IVoufer Van Tuillcr, his unparalleled virtues — as likewise his xmutterahle uisdcm in the Lurv Case of Wandle Schoonhoven and Barent Blcecker — and the great admiration of the Public thereat. Grievous and very much to be rommiserated is the task of the feelhiof historian, who writes the history of his native land. If it fall to his lot to be the sad recorder of calamity or crime, the mournful page is watered with his tears : nor can he recal the most prosperous and blissful era, without a melancholy sioh at the refiection, that it has passed away for ever ! I know not whether it be owinsj to an immoflcrate love for the simplicity of former times, or to that certain tpuderness of heart incident to all senti- mental historians ; but I candidly confess that I cannot look back on the happier days of our city, which 1 now describe, without a sad dejection of the spirits. With a faltering hand do I withdraw the curtain of oblivion, that veils the modest merits of our venerable ancestors ; and as their figures rise to my mental vision, humble myself before the mighty shades. Such are my feelings when I revisit the family mansion of the Knickerbockers, and spend a lonely hour in the chamber where hang the portraits of my forefathers, shrouded in dust, like the forms they represent. With pious reverence do 1 gaze on the countenances of those renowned burghers, who have preceded me in the steady march of existence : whose sober and temperate blood now meanders through my veins, flowing slower and slower in its feeble cotiduits, until its current shall soon be stopped for ever ! These, say I to myself, are but fiail memorials of the mighty men who flourished in the days of the patriarchs \ NEW YORK. 77 but who, alas, have long- since mouldered in that tomb, towards which my steps are insensibly and irresistibly hastening ! As I pace the darkened chamber and lose myself in melancholy musings, the shadowy images around me almost seem to steal once more into existence : their countenances to assume the animation of life — their eyes to pursue me in every movement ! Carried away by the delusion of fancy, I almost imagine myself sur- rounded by the shades of the departed, and holding sweet converse with the worthies of antiquity ! Ah, hapless Diedrich ! born in a degenerate age, abandoned to the buff"elings of fortune — a stranger and a weary pilgrim in thy native land ; blessed with no weeping wife, nor family of helpless children ; but doomed to wander neglected through those crowded streets, and elbowed by foreign upstarts from those fair abodes where once thine ancestors held sovereign empire I Let me not, however, lose the historian in the man, nor suffer the doting recollections of age to overcome me, while dwelling with fond garrulity on the virtuous days of the patriarchs — on those sweet days of simplicity and ease which never more will dawn on the lovely island of Manna-hata ! The renowned Wouter (or Walter) Van Twiller was descended from a long line of Dutch burgomasters, who had successively dozed away their lives, and grown fat upon the bench of magistracy m Rotterdam ; and who had comported themselves with such singuhir wisdom and propriety that they were never either heard or talked of — which, next to being universally applauded, should be the object of ambition to all sage magistrates and rulers. His surname of Twiller is said to be a corruption of the original Twfjjter, which in English means Doubter; a name admirably descriptive of his deliberative habits. For though he was a man shut up within himself like an oyster, and of such a profoundly reflective turn that he scarcely ever spoke except in monosyllables ; yet did he never make up his mind on any doubtful point. This was clearly accounted for by his adherents, who affirmed that he always conceived every subject on so comprehensive a scale that he had not room in his head to turn it over and examine both sides of it j so that he always remaiucd 78 HISTORY Off in doubt, merely in consequence of the astonishing mag- nituJe of his ideas ! There are two opposite ways by which some men get into notice — one by talkinar a vast deal and thinking' a little, and the other' by holdin;^ their tongues and not thinking at all. By the first, many a vapouring superficial pretender acquires the reputation of a man of quick parts — by the other, many a vacant dunderpatc, like the owl, the stupidest of birds, comes to be complimented, by a discerning world, with all the attributes of wisdom. This, by the way, is a mere casual remark, which I would not for the universe have it thought I apply to Gnjvernor Van Twiller. On the contrary, he was a very wise Dutchman, for he never said a foolish thing ; and of such invincible gravity that he was never known to laugh, or even to smile through the course of a long and prosperous life. Certain, however, it is, theie nevei- was a matter proposed, however simple, and on which your common narrow- minded mortals would rashly determine at the first glance, but what the renowned Woutcr put on a mighty myste- rious, vacant kind of look, shook his capacious head, and having smoked for five minutes with redoubled earnest- ness, sagely observed, that " he had his doubts about the matter :" — which, in process of time, gained him the character of a man slow of belief, and not easily im- posed on. The person of this illustrious old gentleman was as regularly formed, and nobly proportioned, as though it had been moulded by the hands of some cunning Dutch statuary as a model of majesty and lordly grandeur. He was exactly five feet six inches in height, and six feel five inches in circumference. His head was a perfect sphere, far excelling in magnitude that of the great Pericles (who was thence waggishly called Schcnocephalus, or onion head) — indeed, of such stupendous dimensions was it, that dame Nature herself, with all her sex's ingenuity, would have been puzzled to construct a neck capable of support- ing it; wherefore she wisely declined the attempt, and settled it firmly on the top of his back-bone, just between the shoulders ; where it remained as snugly bedded as a ship of war in the mue a silver sound, inasmuch as it conveys a ce.f^in assurance of profitable marketing *^«"^eys a ceitam The modern spectator, who wanders through the streets of this populous city, can scarcely form an idia of the dif! NEW YORK 87 ferent appearance they presented in the primitive days of the Doubter. The busy hum of multitudes, the shouts of revehy, the rumhlinof equipages of fashion, the rattling of accursed carts, and all the spirit-grieving sounds of brawl- ing commerce, were unknown in the settlement of New Amsterdam. The grass grew quietly in the highways ; the bleating sheep and frolicsome calves sported about the verdant ridge where now the Broadway loungers take their morning stroll ; the cunning fox or ravenous wolf skulked in the woods where now are to be seen the dens of Gomez and his righteous fraternity of money brokers ; and flocks of vociferous geese cackled about the helds where now the great Tammany wigwam and the patriotic tavern of Mart ling echo with the wranglings of the mob. In these good times did a true and enviable equality of rank and property prevail, equally removed from the arrogance of wealth, and the servility and heartbm'uings of repining poverty ; and what in my mind is still moie con- ducive to tranquillity and harmony among friends, a happy equality of intellect was likewise to be seen. The minds of the good burghers of New Amsterdam seemed all to have been cast in one mould, and to be those honest, blunt sort of minds which, like certain manufactures, are made by the gross, and considered as exceedingly good for com- mon use. Thus it happens that your true dull minds are generally preferred for public employ, and especially promoted to city honours ; your keen intellects, like razors, being con- sidered too sharp for common service. 1 know that it is common to rail at the unequal distribution of riches as the great source of jealousies, broils, and heart-breakings ; whereas for my part, 1 verily believe it is the sad inequa- lity of intellect that prevails, that embroils communities more than any thing else j and I have remarked that your knowing people, who are so much wiser than any body else, are eternally keeping society in a ferment. Happily for New Amsterdam nothing of the kind was known within its walls — the very words of learning, education, taste, and talents, were unheard of---a bright genius was an animal unknown, a blue-stocking lady would have been regarded with as much wonder as a horned frog or a tiery dragon. No man in fact seemed to know more than his neighbour, nor any man to know much more than an honest man 12 88 HISTORY or ought to know, who has nobudy's business to raind but hia own ■ the- parsou and the council cicik were the only men that couki read ni the community, and the sage Van 1 wiilcr always signed his name with a cross. Thnce happy and ever to be envied little Bnr'^'^ -'-^ the boundary line of W bd.ty A ihud class, who, not (o speak slightly of hem are of a h^hter turn, and skim over the records of past' ir 1 , '^laxatioM and innocent amusement, do sin^u lary del.ght m treasons, executions, Sabine rapjs, TaZ 1 To! ue^?,'";''^'^'"^-'""^' -"-l--* and all thLo h re ' lo-ueot hideous cnmes, Ihallike cayem.e in cookery do S.ve a puns:e„cy and flavour to the dull detail of hi or 'l\r a fourth class, of more philosophic habits, do di i' gently poreover the musty chronicles of time, to inles It the three first classes, find but little wherewithal to solace themselves in the tranquil rei^n of Woute Va," rwd er, I entreat them to exert their patience for awhde and bear w.th the tedious picture of happiness, p,U^>eri v' and peace, which my duty as a faithful histo i'ln o'b S me to draw; and I promise them, that as soon as I Pan possibly hght upon any thing horrible, uncommon o ,m S inmenr''??'^T' '"^ ' ^"' -'^-t a^Sd'lhem cMtcitainment. This being premised, I turn with -.eat n en, oi, f possible, women after my own heat • erave phiosoph.ca, and investigating; fond of anal^zi'n.^ di ' racters, of laking a start from filst cause., and s^o lulm ;: a nation down, through all the mazes of innovation ad mprovement Such will naturally be anxious to wtns he first developement of the newly hatched colony a1^ l)e primitive manners and customs prevalent anioLts juh^itants, during t n.Um^^tf1'J" *'''"' ^''''"''' ^""^^'^'•' '^y describing Th : .ncreaseand improvement of ]\ew Amste,! hP ;.l IT •"'a^^»"^«i^»'« will doubtless present to them the good burgher,, like so many pains-takmg and NEW YORK. 91 persevering bca-ers, slowly and smely pursuing their abours ; they will behold the prosperous transtoruiatiou from the rude hxg hut to the stately Dutch mansion, with brick front, glazed windows, and tiled roof 5 from the tana-led thivket to the luxuriant cabbage garden ; and trom the skulking Indian to the ponderous burgomaster. n a word, they will picture to themselves the steady, silent, and undeviating march to prosperity, incident to a city destitute of pride or ambition, cherished by a fat govern- nienl, and whose citizens do nothing m a hurry. The sa-e council, as has been mentioned m a preceding chapter, not being able to determine upon any plan tor the building of their city ^ the cows, in a laudable h ot patriotism, took it under their particuar charge, and as Ihey went to and from pasture, established paths hroug the bushes, on each side of which the good folks built their houses : which is one cause of the rambling and pic- tnresque turns and labyrinths, which distinguish certain streets of New York at this very day. Some, it must be noted, who were strenuous partisans of IVIvnheer Ten Breeches (or Ten-broeck), vexed that his plan of digging canals was not adopted, made a com- promise with their inclinations, by establishing themselves on the margins of those creeks and inlets, which mean- dered through various parts of the ground laid ou tor improvement. To these may be particularly ascribed the first settlement of Broad Street ; which originally was built along a creek, that ran up to what at present is called Wall Street. The lower part soon became very busy and populous i and a ferry house* was in process of time established at the head of it ; being at that day called the head of inland navigation." ^ , „ , ^„ .u^ The disciples of Mynheer Tough Breeches, on the other baud, no less enterpri:,ing, and more industrious than their rivals, stationed themselves along the shore ot the river, and laboured, with unexampled perseverance, in making little docks and dykes, from which originated that multitude of mud traps with which this city is friuL-ed ' To these docks would the old burghers repair, just at' those hours when the falling tide had lelt the - Tlus house has been sevend times ..paired, and at present isj| - ..a.! ;el(r briek house. No. 23. IJroad Street, -'';/'-,[^^': 'r,;;^ 1., ii...%lreet suriuuiuled Willi ai. irou rod. 01. whieh, lui U vvilnu unci or foui 'yeail^ . hllle hou fcny boat oihciuLed a. weaihucock 92 HISTORY OF beach uncovered, that they might snufF up the fragrant effluvia of mud and mire ; which they observed had a truly wholesome smell, and reminded them of the canals of Holland. To the indefatigable labours, and praise, worthy example of this latter class of projectors, aie we indebted for the acres of artificial ground, on which several of our streets in the vicinity of the rivers are built ; and which, if we may credic the assertions of se/e- ral learned physicians of this city, have been very effica- cious in producing the yellow fever. The houses of the higher class were generally con- structed of wood, excepting the gable-end, which was of small black and yellow Dutch bricks, and always faced on the street •, as our ancestors, like their descendants, were very much given to outward show, and were noted for putting the best leg foremost. The house was always furnished with abundance of large doors and small win- dows on every floor ; the date of its erection was curi- ously designated by iron figures on the front ; and on the lop of the roof was perched a fierce little weathercock, to let the family into the important secret, which way the wind blew. These, like the weathercocks on the tops of our steeples, pointed so many different ways that every man could have a wind to his mind ; and you would have thought old iEolus had set all his bags of wind adrift, pell-mell, to gambol about this windy metropolis ; the most stanch and loyal citizens, however, always went acccording to the weathercock on the top of the governor's house, which was certainly the most correct, as he had a trusty servant employed every murning to climb up and point it whichever way the wind blew. In those good days of simplicity and sunshine, pas- sion for cleanliness was the leading principle in domestic economy, and the universal test of an able housewife : a character which formed the utmost ambition of our unenlightened grandmothers. The front door was never opened except on marriages, funerals, new-year's days, the festival of St. Nicholas, or some such great occasion. It was ornamented with a gorgeous brass knocker, curiously wrought, sometimes into the device of a dog, and somt times of a lion's head ; and was daily burnislied with such religious zeal that it was oft-times worn out by fhe very precautions taken for its preservation. Tiie whole house was constantly in a state of inundation, under NEW YORK. ^" the discipline of mops and brooms and scrubbing-brushes ; lud he V^l housewives of those days were a ku.d of :^phibious animai, delighting exceedn.gly to be clabW.n, in vvater-insomuch that an historian of the dayg.avely ZWul that many of his towhswomen grew o have vebbed iingers like unto a duck ; and some of them, he h^d Utile d!ubt, could the matter be e-mujed u>to would be found to have the tads of mermaids : but this 1 loo^ upolAo be a mere sport of fancy, or what is worse, a wilful misrepresentation. The grand parlour was the sanctum sanctorum, where the paslion for cleaning was indulged -Uhout control In this sacred apartment no one was admitted to entei, excep ng the mistress and her conhdential maid, whi visS it once a week ; for the purpose of giving it a trough cleaning, and putting things to rights ; always iak nl the precaution of leaving their shoes at he door, and entering devoutly on their stocking feet After ^^ubbi^^g the floor, sprinkling it w th hue white sand which was curiously stroked into angles and curves and domboids, with a broom-after washing the windows^ rbbn' ad polishing the furniture, and putting a new bunc of evergreens in the fire-place ; the wmdovv-shutters were again cfosed to keep out the fl.es, and the room TarefulTy locked up until the revolution of time brought round the weekly cleaning day. As to the familv, they always entered m at the gate, and nio.t generally lived in the kitchen. To have seen a numerous household assembled around t^je fije> «"« would have imagined that he was transported back to those happy days of primeval simplicity, whidi float before our imaginations like golden visions. 1 he h.e- places were of a truly patriarchal magni ude, "here the Ihole familv, old and young, master and servant, black and white, nay, even the very cat and dog, enjoyed a coni- munity of privilege, and had each a prescrip ive right to a corner. Here the old burgher would sit in perfec silence, pufiing his pipe, looking in the fire with half shut eves, and thinking of nothing for hours together ^ the Poede vrouw on the opposite side would employ herself dili^rently in spinning her yarn, or knitting- stockings 1 he vomi- t-olks would crowd around the hearth l.steui.g iilh breathless attention to some old crone ot a negro, who was the oracle of the family •, and who, perched like 94 HISTORY OF a raven in a corner of the chimney, would croak forth for a long winter afternoon a string of incredible stories about JNew-Lngland witches, grisly ghosts, horses without heads, and hair-breadth escapes, and bloody encounters among the Indians. * In those happy days a well-regulated family always rose with the dawn, dined at eleven, and went to bed at sun- down. Dinner was invariably a private meal, and the fat old burghers showed incontestible symptoms of disap- probation and uneasiness, at being surprized by a visit trom a neighbour on such occasions. But though our worthy ancestors were thus singularly averse to giving dinners, yet they kept up the social bands of intimacy by occasional banquetings, called tea parties. As this is the first introduction of those delectable orgies, which have since become so fashionable in this city, I am conscious my fair readers will be very curious to receive information on the subject. Sorry am I that there will be but little in my description calculated to excite their admiiation. I can neither delight them with accounts of suffocating crowds, nor brilliant drawino-. rooms, nor towering feathers, nor sparkling diamonds, nor immeasurable trains. I can detail no choice anecdotes of scandal, for in those primitive times the simple folk were either too stupid or too good-natured to pull each other's characters to pieces : nor can I furnish any whimsical anecdotes of brag; how one lady cheated, or another bounced into a passion ; for as yet there was no junto of dulcet old dowagers, who met to win each other's money, and lose their own tempers at a card table. These fashionable parties were generally consigned to the higher classes, or noblesse, that is to say, such as kept then- own cows, and drove their own Maggons. The company commonly assembled at three o'clock, and went away about six, unless it was in winter time, when the fasluonable hours were a little earlier, that the ladies mio-ht get home before dark. 1 do not find that they ever treated their company to iced creams, jellies, or sylla- bubs J or regaled them with musty almonds, mouldy rai- sins, or sour oranges, as is often done in the present a^-e of refinement. Our ancestors were fond of more sturdy, substantial fare. The tea table was crowned with a huge earthen dish, well stored with slices of fat pork, fried brown, cut up into morsels, and swimming in gravy. The NEW YORK. 95 company being seated around the grnial board, and each furnished with a fork, evinced their dexterity in launching at the fattest pieces in this mighty dish : in much the same manner as sailors harpoon porpoises at sea, or our Indians spear salmon in the lakes. Sometimes the table was graced with immense apple pies, or saucers full of preserved peaches and pears ; but it was always sure to boast an enormous dish of balls of sweetened dough, fried in hog's fat, and calUd dough nuts, or oly koeks : a delicious kind of cake, at present scarce known in this city, excepting in genuine Dutch families. The tea was served out of a majestic delft fea-pot, ornamented with paintings of fat little Dutch shepherds and shepherdesses, tending pigs — with boats sailing in the air, and houses built in the clouds, and sundry other ingenious Dutch fantasies. The beaux distinguished them- selves by their adroitness in replenishing this pot, from a huge copper tea-kettle, which would liave made the pigmy macaronies of these degenerate days sweat, merely to look :it it. To sweeten the beverage, a lump of sugar was laid beside each cup — and the company alternately nibbled and sipped with great decorum, until an improve- ment was introduced by a shrewd and economic old lady, which was, to suspend a large lump directly over the lea table, by a string from the ceiling, so that it could be swung from mouth to mouth — an ingenious expedient, which is still kept up by some families in Albany •, but which prevails without exception in Communipaw, Ber- gen, Flat-Bush, and all our uncontaminated Dutch vil- lages. At these primitive tea parties the utmost propriety and dignity of deportment prevailed. No flirting nor coquet- ting — no gambling of old ladies, nor hoyden chattering and romping of young ones — no self-satisfied struttings of wealthy gentlemen, with their brains in their pockets; nor amusing conceits, and monkey divertisements of smart young gentlemen, with no brains at all. On the contrary, the young ladies seated themselves demurely in their rush-bottomed chairs, and knit their own woollen stockings ; nor ever opened their lips, excepting to say yah Mynheer i or yah ya Vrouw^ to any question that was asked them ! behaving, in all things, like decent well- educated damsels. As to the gentlemen, each of them 96 HISTORY OF tranquilly smoked his pipe, and seemed lost in contem- plation of the blue and white tiles, with which the fire- places were decorated j wherein sundry passages of scrip- ture were piously pourtrayed : Tobit and his dog fissured to great advantage ; Haman swung coi.spicuouly on his gibbet J and Jonah appeared most manfully bouncing out of the whale, like harlequin through a barrel of fire. The parties broke up without noise and without con- fusion. They were carried home by their own carriages, that is to say, by the vehicles Nature had provided them, excepting such of the wealthy as could afford to keep a waggon. The gentlemen gallantly attended theii f. lir ones to their respective abodes, and took leave of them with a hearty smack at the door: which, as it was an established piece of etiquette, done in perfect simplicity and honesty of heart, occasioned no scandal at that lime, nor should it at the present — if our great grandfathers approved of the custom, it would argue a great want of reverence in their descendants to say a word against it. CHAP. IV. Containing farther -particulars of the Golden Age, and what constituted a fine Lady and Gentleman in the days of Walter the Doubter. lisr this dulcet period of my history, when the beauteous island of Manna-hata presented a scene, the very coun- terpart of those glowing pictures drawn of the golden reign of Saturn, there was, as I have before observed, a happy ignorance, an honest simplicify prevalent among its inhabitants, which, were I even able to depict, would be but little understood by the degenerate age for which I am doomed to write. Even the female sex, those arch innovators upon the tranquillity, the honesty, the gray- beard customs of society, seemed for awhile to conduct themselves with incredible sobriety and comeliness, and in so situated, they may foim some idea how our Avorthy ancestors were distressed bj' their nieicurial neighbours of Connecticut. Giings of these inarai'ders, we are told, penetrated into .the New Netherland settlements, and threw whole villages into const* rnat ion by their unparalleled volubility, and their intoh rable inquisitiveucss — two evil habits hithertv unknown in those parts, or only known to be abhorred iw our ancestors were noted, as being men of truly Spartan taciturnity, and who neither knew nor cared aught abijut any body's concerns but their own. Many enormitift NEW YORK. 113 were committed on the highways, where several unoffend- ing burghers were brought to a stand, and tortured with questions and guesses ; which outrages occasioned as much vexation and heart burning as does tlie modern right of search on the high seas. Great jealousy did they likewise stir up, by their inter- meddling and success among the divine sex ; for being a race of brisk, lively, pleasant tongued varlels, they soon seduced the light affections of the simple damsels from their ponderous Dutch gallants. Among other hideous customs, they attempted to introduce among them that of bundling, which the Dutch lasses of the Nederlandts, with that eager passion for novelty and foreign fashions natural to their sex, seemed very well inclined to follow ; but that their mothers, being more experienced in the world, and better acquainted with men and things, strenuously dis- countenanced all such outlandish innovations. But what chiefly operated to embroil our ancestors with these strange folk, was an unwarrantable liberty which they occasionally took of entering in hordes into the territories of the New Netherlands, and settling themselves down, without leave or license, to improve the land in the manner I have before noticed. This unceremonious mode of taking possession of new land was technically termed squattingy and hence is derived the appellation of squat- ters ; a name odious in the ears of all great landholders, and which is given to those enterprising worthies, who seize upon land first, and take their chance to make good their title to it afterwards. All these grievances, and many others which were constantly accumulating, tended to form that dark and portentous cloud which, as I observed in a former chapter, was slowly gathering over the tranquil province of New Netherlands. The pacific cabinet of Van Twiller, how- ever, as will be perceived in the sequel, bore them all with a magnanimity that redounds to their immortal credit—, becoming by passive endurance inured to this increasing mass of wrongs ; like the sage old woman of Ephesus, who by dint of carrying about a calf from the time it was born, continued to carry it without difficulty when it had grown to be an ox. 114 HISTORY OF CHAP. VIII. How the Fort Ooed Hoop was fearfully belearjured — how the renoivned Wouter fell into a profound doubt, and how he finally evaporated. By this time my readers must fully perceive what an arduous task I have undGilaken— coUettiiig and collating with painful minuteness the chronicles of past times, whose events almost defy the powers of research — exploring a little kind of Herculaneum of history, which had laid nearly for apjes buried under the rubbish of years, and almost totally forgotten — raking^ up the limbs and frag- ments of disjointed facts j and endeavouring to put them scrupulously together, so as to restore them to their original form and connexion— now lugging forth the character of an almost forgotten hero, like a mutilated statue— now deciphering a half defaced inscription; and now lighting upon a mouldering manuscript, which, after painful study, scarce repays the trouble of perusal. In such case how much has the reader to depend upon the honour and probity of his author, lest, like a cunning antiquarian, he either impose upon him spurious fabrica- tion of his own, for a precious relique fiom antiquity, or else dress up the dismembered fragment, with such false trappings, that it is scarcely possible to distinguish the truth from the fiction with which it is enveloped. This is a grievance which I have more than once had to lament, in the course of my wearisome researches among the works of my fellow historians •, who have strangely dis- guised and distorted the facts respecting this country ; and particularly respecting the great province of New Netherlands as will be perceived by any who will take the trouble to compare their romantic effusions, tricked out in the meretricious gauds of fable, with this authentic history. I have had more vexation i of the kind to encounter, in those parts of my history which treat of the transactions on the easteiui border, than in any other, in consequence of the troops of historians who have infested those quarters, and have shown the honest people of Nieuw Nederlandts no mercy in their works. Among the rest, Mr. Benjamin Trumbull arrogantly declares, that " the Dutch were NiJW YORK. 11* alunys mere -uUruders "-Now to this T .hal make no othe/ reply than to proceed in the stea.ly uanut.on o mv las^ry,'v(nch will contain not only proofs tUa the Dutch had clear title and possession in the fan- va leys of the Connecticnt, and that they were wrongiuily d,.possessed u/ereof: but likewise that they have been scandalously altrea ed ever since, by the misrepresentation of the c a ty historians of New England. And in th.s I shall be Guided by a spirit of truth and impartiality, and a regard To immo. tal fame ; for 1 would not wittn.gly dishonour my V ork by a single falsehood, misrepresentation, or prejudice though it should gain our forefathers the whole country ot New England. . , It was at an early period of the province, and previous to the arrival of the renowned Wouter, that the cabinet of Nieuw Nederlandts purchased the lands about the Con- neeticut, and established for their superintendence and protection a fortified post on the banks ot the nver, which was called Fort Goed Hoop, and was situated hard by the present fair city of Hartford. The command of th.s im- portant post, together with the rank, title, and appoint- ments of commissary, were given in charge to the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet, or as some historians wil have it VmCurlis: a most doughty soldier, of that stomachful class, of which we have such numbers on parade day^s • «ho are famous for eating all they ki I. He was of a very soldierlike appearance, and would have been an exceeding tall man, had his legs been in proportion to his body : but the latter being long, and the former uncom- monly short, it gave him the uncouth appearance ot a tall man's body mounted upon a little man's legs He made up for this turnspit construction of body by throwing his legs K, such an extent when he marched, that you would have sworn he had on the identical seven-league boots of the far-famed Jack the giant killer •, and so astonishingly high did he tread on any great military occasion that his soldiers were oft-times alarmed, lest he should trample himself under foot. ^ ., • r ^ a r. ^ But n twithslanding the erection of this fort, and tne appointment of this ugly little man of war as a cominander, the intrepid Yankees continued those darmg mterlopings which I have hinted at in my last chapter •, and taking advantao-e of the character which the cabinet ot Woulci ^*^ HISTORY OF Van Tvyiller eoon acquired for profound and phle-matic tranquillity--d.d audaciously invade the territories of the iMeuw Nederlandts, and squat themseWes down within the very jurisdiction of Fort Goed Hoop. On beholding this outrage, the long bodied Van Curlet proceeded as became a prompt and valiant officer He immediately protested against these unwarrantable en- croachments, m low Dutch, by way of inspiring more terror, and forthwith despatched a copy of the protest to the governor at New-Amsterdam, together with a long and bitter account of the aggressions of the enemy. This done, he ordered his men, one and all, to be of ffood cheer-shut the gate of the fort, smoked three pipe.s, lent to bed, and awaited the result with a resolute and intrepid tranquillity that greatly animated his adherents, and no doubt struck sore dismay and affright into the hearts of I the enemy. Now it came to pa«;s, that about this time, the renowned Wouter Van Twiller, full of years and honours, a'd council dinners, had reached that period of life and ficultv which, according to the great Gulliver, entitles a map to admission into the ancient order of Struldbruffo-s He employed his time in smoking his Turkish pipe, amid an assemblage of sages, equally enlightened, 'and nearly as venerable as himself, and who, for their silence, heir gravity, their wisdom, and their cautious averseness to coming to any conclusion in business, are only to be equalled by certain profound corporations which 1 have known m my time. Upon reading the protest of the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet, therefore, his excellency fell straightway into one of the deepest doubts that ever he was known to encounter j his capacious head gradually drooped on his chest,* he closed his eyes, and inclined hi ea?to one side as if listenmg with great attention to the dis cussion that was going on in his belly • which all who knew h.m declared to be the huge court-house, or counclu chamber of his thoughts; forming to his head what the house of representatives do to the senate. An inarticulate j-ound, very much resembling a snore, occasionally escaped him J but the nature of this internal cogitation was never • "Perplexed with vast affairs of state and town HIS great head being overset han^s down " ' TELECLIDES, in Pericles. NEW YORK. 11'' known, as he never opened his lips on the subject to man, woman, or chiM. In the meantime, the protest of Van Curlet laid quietly on the table, where it served to light the pipes of the venerable sages assembled m council ; and m the great smoke which they raised, the gallant Jacobus, his protest, and his mighty Fort Goed Hoop, were soon as completely beclouded and forgotten, as is a question of emergency swallowed up in the speeches and vesolutionsof a modern session of congress. There are certain emergencies when your profound k"-islators and sage delibeiative councils are mightily m the way of a nation j and when an ounce of hau-brained decision is worth a pound of sage doubts and cautious discussion. Such at least was the case at present ; for while the renowned Wouter Van Twiller was daily battliuf with his doubts, and his resolution growing weaker ana weaker in the contest, the enemy pushed further and further into his territories, and assumed a most formidable appearance in the neighbourhood of the Fort Goed Hoop. Here they founded the mighty town of Ppquag, or, as it has since been culled, Weatliersfield ; a place which, if we mav credit the assertions of that worthy historian John Tosselvn, Gent, "hath been inftimous by reason of Ihe witches therein."— And so daring did these men of Pyquag " become, that they extended those plantations of onions, for which their town is lihistnous, under the very noses ot the garrison of "^ort Goed Hoop— insomuch that the hi)nest Dutchn.en could not look toward tliat quarter without tears in their eyes. . . This cryhsg injustice was regarden with proper indigna- tion bv the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet. He absolutely trembled with the amazing violence of bis choler, and the exacerbations of his valour ; which seemed to be the more turbulent in their workings, from the length of the body lu which they were agitated. He forthwith proceeded to slren-'then his redoubts, heighten his breast works, deepen his fosse, and fortify his position with a double row of abbatis-, after which valiant precautions, he, with unex- ampled intrepidity, despatched a fresh courier with tremendous accounts of his perilous situation. Never did the modern hero, who immortalized himself at the second Sabine war, show greater valour m the art of Utter 118 HISTORY OF writing, or distinguish himself more gloriously upon paper, than the heroic Van Curlet. Tlie courier chosen to bear these alarming despatches was a fat oily little man, as being least liable to be worn out, or to lose leather on the journey ; and to insure his speed, he was mounted on the fleetest waggon horse in the garrison, remarkable for his length of limb, largeness of bone, and hardness )f trot ; and so tall, that the little messenger was obi ged to climb on his back by means of his (ail and crupper. Such extraordinary speed did he make, that he arrived at Fort Amsterdam in little less than a month, though the distance was full two hundred pipes, or about 120 miles. The extraordinary appearance of this portentous stranger would have thrown the whole town of New Amsterdam into a quandary, had the good people troubled themselves about any thing more than their domestic affairs. With an appearance of great huriy and business, and smoking a short travelling pipe, he proceeded on a long swing trot through the muddy lanes of the metropolis, demolishing whole batches of dirt pies, which the little Dutch children were making in the road ; and for which kind of pastry the children of this city have ever been famous. Oa arriving at the governor's house, he climbed down from his steed in great trepidation — roused the gray headed door-keeper, old Skaats, who, like his lineal descendant and faithful representative, the venerable crier of our court, was nodding at his post — rattled at the door of the council chamber, and startled the members as they were dozing^ over a plan for establishing a public market. At that very moment a gentle grunt, or rather a deep • drawn snore, was heard from the chair of the governor, a whiff of smoke was at the same instant observed to escape from his lips, and a light cloud to ascend from the bowl of his pipe. The council of course supposed him engaged in deep sleep for the good of the community, and, according to custom in all such cases established, every man bawled out Silence, in order to maintain tranquillity ; when of a suddea the door flew open, and the little courier straddled into the apartment, cased to the middle in a pair of Hessian boots, which he had got into for the sake of expedition. In his right band he held forth the NEW YORK. 119 <)minous dispatches, and with his left grasped firmly the waistband of his galligaskins, which had unfortunately given way in the exertion of descending from his horse. He stumped resolutely up to the governor, and with more hurry than perspicuity delivered his message. But fortu nately his ill-tidings came too late to ruffle the tranquillity of this most tranquil of rulers. His venerable excellency had just breathed and smoked his last — his lungs and his pipe having been exhausted together, and his peaceful soul having escaped in the last whifF that curled from his tobacco pipe. In a word, the renowned Waller the Doubter, who had so often slumbered with his con- temporaries, now slept with his fathers, and Wilhehnus Kieft governed in his stead. END OP BOOK THIRD. 120 HISTORY 0» BOOK FOURTH. CONTAINING THE CHRONICLES OE THE REIGN OF AVILLIAM THE TESTY. CHAP. 1. « Showing the nature of History tn general ; containing furthermore the universal acquirements of William the Testy, and how a 3Inn may learn so much as to render himself good for nothing. When the lofty Tiiucydides is about to enter on his description of the plague that desohifed Athens, one of his modern commentators * assures the reader, tliat his histuiy " is now jjoing to he exceeding solenm, seiiuiis, and pathetic ; and liints, with that air of chuckling gratula- tion, with which a good dame draws forth a choice morsel from a cupboard to regale a favourite, that this plague will give his history a most agreeable vaiiety. In like manner did my heart leap within me when 1 came to the dolorous dilemma of Fort Good Hope, wiiich I at once perceived to be the forerunner of a sejies of great events and entertaining disasters. Such are the true subjects for the historic pen. For what is history, in fact, but a kind of Newgate calendar, a register of the crimes and miseries that man has inflicted on his fellow- man ? It is a huge libel on human nature, to which we industriously add page after page, volume after volume, as if we were buildmg up a monument to the honour rather than the infamy of our species. If we turn ovei the pages of these chronicles that man has written of himself, what are the characters dignified by the appella- tion of great, and held up to the admiration of posterity ? — Tyrants, robbers, conquerors, renowned only for the maguiludeof their misdeeds, and the stupendous wiongs and miseries they have inflicted on mankiud^warriors, who have hired themselves to the trade of blood, not from "Sniyth'sThucyd. Vol. I. NEW YORK. 1-21 motives of virtuous patriotism, or to protect the injured and defenceless, but meitly lo gain tlie vaunted glory of being adroit and successful in massacring their fellow beings ! What are the great events that constitute a glo- rious era? The fall of empires — the de:olation of happy countries — splendid cities smoking in their ruins — the proudest works of art tumbled in the dust — the shrieks and groans of whole nations ascending unto heaven ! It is thus the historians may be said to thrive on the miseries of mankind — they are like the birds of prey that hover over the tield of battle, to fatten on the mighty dead. It was observed by a great projector of inland lock navi- gation, that rivers, lakes, and oceans, were only formed to feed canals. In like manner I am tempted to believe, that plots, conspiracies, wars, victories, and massacres, are ordained by Providence only as food for the historian. It is a source of great delight to the philosopher, in studying the wonderful economy of nature, to trace the mutual dependencies of things, how they are created reci- procally for each other, and how the most noxious and apparently unnecessary animal has its uses. Thus those swarms of flies, which are so often execrated as useless vermin, are created for the sustenance of spideis ; and spiders, on the other hand, are evidently made to devovir flies. So those heroes who have been such pests in the world were bounteously provided as themes for the poet and the historian, while the poet and historian were des- tined to record the achievements of heroes. These and many similar reflections naturally arose in my mind as I took up my pen to commence the reign of William Kieft ; for now the stream of our history, which hitherto has rolled in a tranquil current, is about to depart for ever from its peaceful haunts, and brawl through many a turbulent and rugged scene. Like some sleek ox, which, having fed and fattened in a rich clover field, lies sunk in luxurious repose, and will bear repeated taunts and blows before it heaves its unweildy limbs, and clumsily arouses from its slumbers ; so the province of the jNieuw Nederlandts, being long thriven and grown corpulent under the prosperous reign of the Doubter, was reluctantly awakened to a melancholy conviction that, by patient sufiTerance, its grievances had become so numerous and aggravating, that it was preferable to reptrl thapt M 122 HISTORY or endure them. The reader will now witness the manner in which a peaceful community advances towards a state of war ; which it is too apt to approach, as a horse does a drum, with much prancing and parade, but with little progress, and too often witii the wrong end foremost. WiLHELMUS KiEFT, who in 1634 ascended the Guber- natorial chair (to borrow a favourite though clumsy appel- lation of modern phraseologists), was in form, feature, and character, the very reverse of VVouter Van Twiller, his renowned predecessor. He was of very respectable descent, his father being Inspector of Windmills in the ancient town of Saardam ; and our hero, we are told, made very curious investigations into the nature and operations of those machines when a boy, which is one reason why he aftewards came to be so ingenious a governor. His name, according to the most ingenious etymologists, was a corruption of Kyrer, that is to say, a wrangler or scolder, and expressed the hereditary dispo- sition of his family, which, for nearly two centuries, had kept the windy town of Saardam in hot water, and pro- duced more tartars and brimstones than any ten families in the place ; and so truly did Wilhelmus Kieft inherit this family endowment, that he had scarcely been a year in the discharge of his government, before he was univer- sally known by the appellation of William the Testy. He was a brisk, waspish, little old gentleman, who had dried and withered away, partly through the natural pro- cess of years, and partly from being parched and burned up by his fiery soul, which blazed like a vehement rushlight in his bosom, constantly inciting him to most valorous broils, altercations, and misadventures. I have heard it observed by a profound and philosophical judge of human nature, that if a woman waxes fat as she grows old, the tenure of her life is very precarious ; but if haply she withers, she lives for ever : such likewise was the case with William the Testy, who grew tougher in proportion as he dried. He was some such a little Dutchman as we may now and then see, stumping briskly about the streets of our city, in a broad-skirted coat, with buttons nearly as large as the shield of Ajax, an old-fashioned cocked hat stuck on the back of his bead, and a cane as high as his chin. His visage was broad, but his features sharp j his uQse tmned up with a most petulant curl 3 his cheeks, like NEW YORK. 123 the regions of Terra del Fuego, were scorched into a dusky red — doubtless, in consequence of the neighbour- hood of two fierce little grey eyes, through which his torrid soul beamed as fervently as a tropical sun blazing through a pair of burning glasses. The corners of his mouth were curiously modelled into a kind of fret-work, not a little resembling the wrinkled proboscis of an irrita- ble pug dog; in a word, he was one of the most positive, restless, ugly little men that e\ee put himself in a passion ab:)ut nothing. Such were the personal endowments of William the Testy; but it was the sterling riches of his mind that raised him to dignity and power. In his youth he had passed with great credit through a celebrated academy at the Hague, noted for producing finished scholars with a despatch unequalled, except by certain of our American colleges, which seem to manufacture bachelors of arts by some patent machine. Here he skirmished very smartly on the frontiers of several of the sciences, and made so gallant an inroad in the dead languages, as to bring off captive a host of Greek nouns and Latin verbs, together with divers pithy saws and apophthegms j all which he constantly paraded in conversation and writing, with as much vain-glory as would a triumphant general of yore display the spoils of the countries he had ravished. He had moreover puzzled himself considerably with logic, in which he had advanced so far as to attain a very familiar acquaintance, by name at least, with the whole family of syllogisms and dilemmas; but what he chiefly valued him- self on was his knowledge of metaphysics, in which having once upon a time ventured too deeply, he came well nigh being smothered in a slough of unintelligible learning — a fearful peril, from the effects of which he never perfectly recovered. In plain words, like many other profound intermeddlers in this abstruse, bewildering science, he so confused his brain with abstract speculations which he could not comprehend, and artificial distinctions which he could not realize, that he could never think clearly on any subject, however simple, through the whole course of bis life afterwards. This, I must confess, was in some measure a misfortune, for he never engaged in argument, of which he was exceeding fond, but what, between logical deduc- tions and metaphysical jargon, he soon involved himself M 3 124 HISTORY OF and his subject in a fog of contradictions and perplexitieg, and then woulii get into a mighty passion with his adver- sary for not being convinced gratis It is in knowledge as in swimming, — he who ostenta- tiously sports and flounders on the surface makes more noise and splashing, and attracts more attention, than the industrious pearl diver, who plunges in search of treasures to the bottom. The " universal acquirements" of William Kieft were the subject of great marvel and admiration among his counlrymei he figured about at the Hague with as much vain-glory as does a profound Bonze at Pekin, who has niastertd half the letters of the Chinese alphabet; and, in a word, was unanimously pronounced a imirersal genius! — I have known many universal geniuses in my time, though, lo speak my mind freely, \ never knew one, who, for the ordinary |)urposes of life, was worth his weight in straw ; but for the purposes of government, a little sound judgment, and plain common sense, is worth all the sparkling genius that ever wrote poetry, or invented theories. Strange as it may sound, tlierefore, the xiniversal ac- quirements of the illustrious VVilhelmus were very much in his way 5 and had he been a less learned man, it is pos- sible he would have been a much greater governor. He was exceedingly fond of trying philosophical and political experiments : and having stuffed his head full of scraps and remnants of ancient republics, and oligarchies, and aristocracies, and monarchies, and the laws of Solon, and Lycurgus, and Charondas, and the imaginary common- wealth of Plato, and the Pandects of Justinian, and a thousand other fragments of venerable antiquity, he was for ever bent upon introducing some one or other of them into use J so that, between one contradictory measure and another, he entangled the government of the little province of Nieuw Nederlandts in more knots, during his adminis- tration, than half a dozen successors could have untied. No sooner had tliis bustling little man been blown by a whiff' of fortune in the seat of government, than he called t«)gether his council, and delivered a very animated speech on the atfairs of the province. As every body knows what a glorious opportunity a governor, a president, or even an emperor has of drubbing his enemies in his speeches, meii- .ages, aud bulktins, where he has the talk all on his owa NEW YORK. 125 side, they may be sure the high-mettled William Kieft did not sufler so favourable an occasion to escape him, of evincing' that gallantry of tongue common to all able legislators. Before he commenced, it is recorded that he took out Ins pocket handkerchief, and gave a very sonorous blast of the nose, according to the usual custom of great orators. This, in general, 1 believe, is intended as a signal trumpet, to call the attention \jf the auditors ; but with William the Testy it boasted a more classic cause, for he had read of the singular expedient of tiiat famous demagogue Cains Gracchus, who, when he harangued the Roman populace, modulated his tones by an oratorical flute or pitch-pipe. This preparatory symphony being performed, he com- menced by expressing an humble sense of his own want of talents, his utter unworthiness of the honour conferred upon him, and his humiliating incapacity to discharge the important duties of his uew station : in short, he expressed so contemptible an opinion of himself, that many simple country members present, ignorant that these were mere words of course, always used on such occasions, were very uneasy, and even felt wrath that he should accept an office for which he was consciously so inadequate. He then proceeded in a manner highly classic, pro- foundly erudite, and nothing at all to the purpose j beinw nothing more than a pompous account of all the govern- ments of ancient Greece, and the wars of Rome and Car- thage, together with the rise and fall of sundry outlandish empires, about which the asscnd)ly knew no more than their great grandchildren who were yet unborn. Thus having, after the manner of your learned orators, convinced the audience that he was a man of many words and great erudition, he at length came to the less important part of his speech, the situation of the province; and here he soon worked himself into a fearful rage against the Yankees, whom he compared to the Gauls who desolated Rome, and the Goths and Vaudals who over ran the fairest plains of Europe — nor did he forget to mention, in terms of adequate opprobrium, the insolence with which they had cncioached upon the territories of New Netherlands, and the unparalleled audacity with which they had commenced the town of New Plymouth, and planted the onion patches of Weathersfield utider the very walls of Fort Goed Hoop. 126 HISTORY OF Having thus artfully wrought up his tale of terror to a climax, he assumed a selC-safislied look, aud declared, with a nod of knowing import, that he had taken measures to put a tinal slop to these encroachments — that he had been obliged to have recourse to a dreadful engine of warfare, lately invented, awful in itseflPects, but authorized by direful necessity. In a word, he was resolved to conquer Ihe Yankees — by pr »clamation. For this purpose he had prepared a tremendous instru- ment of the kind, ordering, commanding, and enjoining the intruders aforesaid forthwith to remove, depart, ^nd withdraw from the districts, regions, and territories afore- said, under pain of suffering all the penalties, forfeitures, and punishments in such case made and provided, &c. This proclamation, he assured them, would at once exter minaie the enemy from the face of the country j and he pledged his valour as a governor, that within two months after it v,'as published, not one stone should remain on another in any ©f the towns which they had built. The council remained tor some time silent after he had finished •, whether struck dumb with admiration at the brilliancy of his project, or put to sleep by the length of his harangue, the history of the times doth not mention. Suffice it to say, they at length gave a general grunt of acquiescence; the proclamation was immediately des- patched with due ceremony, having the great seal of the province, which was about the size of a buckwheat pan- cake, attached to it by a broad red riband. Governor Kieft, having thus vented his indignation, felt greatly relieved — adjourned the council sine die, — put on his cocked hat and corduroy small-clothes, and, m;)unting a tall raw boned charger, trotted out to his country seat, which was situated in a sweet, sequestered swamp, now called Dutch Street, but more commonly known by the name of Dog's Misery. Here, like the good Numa, he reposed from the toils of legislation, taking lessons in government, not from the Nymph Egeria, but from the honoured wife of his bosom ; who was one of that peculiar kind of females, sent upon earth a little before the flood, as a punishment for the sins of mankind, and commonly known by the appellation of knowing women. In fact, my duty as an historian obliges me to make known a circun>siance which was a great secret at the time, and conscquonlly was not a subject of NEW YORK. 127 scandal at more than half the tea tables of New Amster- dam, but which, like many other great secrets, has leaked out in the lapse of years •, and this was, that the o^reat Wilhelmus the Testy, thougli one of the most potent little men that ever breathed, yet submitted at home to a species of government, neither laid down in Aristotle nor Plato ; in short, it partook of the nature of a pare, unmixed tyranny, and is familiarly denominated petticoat govern- ment. An absolute sway, which, though exceedingly common in these modern days, was very rare among the ancients, if we may judge from the rout made about the domestic economy of honest Socrates, which is the only ancient case on recoi'd. The great Kieft, however, warded off all the sneers and sarcasms of his particular friends, who are ever ready to joke with a man on sore points of the kind, by alleging that it was a government of his own election, to which he submitted through choice j adding at the same time a profound maxim which he had found in an ancient author, that " he who would aspire to govern, should tirst learn to obcy.''^ CHAP. II. In wlvch are recorded the sage projects of a Ruler of universal Genius. The Art of Fighting hy Proclamation — and how that the valiant Jacobus Van Curlct came to be foully dishonoured at Fort Goed Hoop. Never was a more comprehensive, a more expeditious, or, what is still better, a more economical measure devised, than this, of defeating the Yankees by proclamation : an expedient, likewise, so humane, so gentle, and pacific, there were ten chances to one in favour of its succeeding, but then there was one chance to ten that it would not succeed : as the ill-natured fates would have it, that single chance carried the day ! The proclamation was perfect in all its parts, well constructed, well written, well sealetened Nederlanders, though they had treated the encroachments of their eastern neighbours with but little regard, and left their quill-valiant governor to bear the whole brunt of the war with his single pen •, yet now every individual felt his head broken in the broken head of Duckings — and the unhappy fate of their fellow citizen the hog, being impressed, carried, and sold into captivity, awakened a grunt of sympathy from every bosom. The «>-overnor and council, goaded by the clamours of the multitude, now sat themselves earnestly to deliberate upon what was to be done. Proclamations had at length fallen into temporary disrepute ; some were for sending the Yankees a tribute, as we make peace offerings to the petty Barbary powers, or as the Indians sacrifice to the • This name is no doubt mis-spelt. In some old Dutch MSS. of the time, we find the name of fclveit Duyckingh, who is unques- tionably the unfbrtuDate hero above alluded to. t Hdz. CoL Stat. Pass, NEW YORK. 131 devil. Others were for buying them out j but this was opposed, as it would be acknowledging their title to the land they had seized. A variety of measures were, as usual in such cases, proposed, discussed, and abandoned; and the council had at last to adopt the means, which being the most common and obvious, had been knowingly overlooked : for your amazing acute politicians are for ever looking through telescopes, which only enable them to see such objects as are far off and unattainable ; but which incapacitate them to see such things as are in their reach, and obvious to all simple folks, who are content to look with the naked eyes heaven has given them. The profound council, as I have said, in their pursuit after jack-o'-lanterns, accidentally stumbled on the very mea- sure they were in need of; which was, to raise a body of troops, and despatch them to the relief and reinforcement of the garrison. This measure was carried into such prompt operation, that in less than twelve months the whole expedition, consisting of a serjeant and twelve men, was ready to march ; and was reviewed for that P'npose in the public square, now known by the name of the Bowling Green. Just at this juncture the whole community was thrown into consternation by the sudden arrival of the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet ; who came straggling into town at the head of his crew of tatterde- malions, and bringing the melancholy tidings of his own defeat, and the capture of the redoubtable post of Fort Goed Hoop by the ferocious Yankees. The fate of this important fortress is an impressive warning to all military commanders. It was neither carried by storm nor famine ; no practicable breach was effected by cannon or mines ; no magazines were blown up by red-hot shot ; nor were the barracks demolished, or the garrison destroyed, by the bursting of bomb-shells. In fact, the place was taken by a stratagem no less singu- lar than effectual ; and one that can never fail of success, whenever an opportunity occurs of putting it in practice. Happy am I to add, for the credit of our illustrious ances- tors, that it was a stratagem, which though it impeached the vigilance, yet left the bravery of the intrepid Van Curlet and his garrison perfectly free from reproach. It appears that the crafty Yankees, having heard of the regular habits of the garrison, watched a favourable 132 UI6TOF.Y OP opportunity, and silently introduced themselves into the fort, about the middle of a sultry day^ when its vigilant defenders, having gorged themselves with a hearty dinner, and smokt;d out their pipes, were one and all snoring most obstreperously at their posts, little dreaming of so disastrous an occurrence. The enemy must inhumanly seized Jacobus Van Curlet and his sturdy myrmidons by the nape of the ueck, gallanted them to the gate of the fort, and dismissed them severally, with a kick on the crupper, as Charles the Twelfth dismissed the hea\"y bottomed Russians, after the battle of Narva — only taking care to give two kicks to Van Curlet, as a signal mark of distinction. A strong garrison was immediately established in the fort, consisting of twenty long-sided, hard-fisted Yankees, with Weathersfteld onions stuck in their hats, by way of cockades and feathers — long rusty fowling pieces for muskets — hasty pudding, dumb fis!i, pork, and molasses, for stores ; and a huge pumpkin was hoisted on the erni of a pole, as a standard — liberty caps not having as yet come into fashion. CHAP. III. Covtaining the fearful wrath of William the Testify and the great dolor of the New Amsterdammers, because of the affairs of Fort Goed Hoop. — And moreover how William the Testy did strongly fortify the City. — Toge- ther with the exploits of Stoffol Brinkerhoff. Language cannot express the prodigious fury into which the testy VVilhclmus Kieft was thrown by this provoking intelligence. For three good hours the rage of the little man was too great for words, or rather the words were too great for him ; and he was nearly choked by some dozen huge mis-shapen, nine corneied Dutch oaths, that crowded all at once into his gullet. Having blazed ofF the first broadside, he kept up a constant firing fjr three whole days — anathematizing the Yankees, man, woman, and child, body and soul, for a set of dieven, schobbe- jaken, dcugenieten, twist-zoekeren, loozen-schalken, blaes« NtW YORK. 133 kaken, kakken-bedden, and a thousand other names, of which, unf«)rtunately for posterity, history does not make particular mention. Finally, he swore that he would have nothino- more to do with such a squatting, building, guessing:, questioning, swapping, pumpkin-eating, mo- lasses-dDubnig, shingle-splitting, cider- watering, horse- jockeying, notion-peddling crew — that they might stay at Fort Goed Hoop and rot, before he would dirty his hands by attempting to drive them away ; in proof of which he ordered the new raised troops to be marched forthwith into winter quarters, although it was not as yet quite midsunmier. Governor Kieft faithfully kept his word, and his adversaries as faithfully kept their post ; and thus the glorious river Connecticut, and all the gay valleys through which it rolls, together with the salmon, shad, and other fish within its waters, fell into the hands of the victorious Yankees, by whom they are held at this very day. Great despondency seized upon the city of New Am- sterdam in consequence of these melancholy events. The name oi Yankee became as ten ible among onr good an- cestors as .was that of Gaul among the ancient Romans . and all the sage old women of the province used it as a bugbear, wherewith to frighten their uniuly children into obedience. The eyes of all the province were now turned upon their governor, to know what he would do for the protec- tion of the common weal, in these days of darkness and peril. Great apprehensions prevailed among the reflec- ting part of the community, especially the old women, that these terrible warriors of Connecticut, not content with the conquest of Fort Goed Hoop, would incontinently march on to New Amsterdam and take it by storm — and as these old ladies, through means of the governor's spouse, who, as has been already hinted, was " the better horse," had obtained considerable inflnenc« in public af- fairs, keeping the province under a kind of petticoat government, it was determined that measures should be taken for the effective fortification of the city. Now it happened that at this time there sojourned in New Amsterdam one Anthony Van Corlear*, a jolly fat * David Pietrez De Vries, in his "Reyze naer Nieuw-Nederlantd onder het year 1640," makes meution of one Corlear, a trumpeter lu N 134 HISTORY OF Dutch trumpeter, of a pleasant burley visage, famous for his long wind and his huge whiskers ; and who, as the story goes, could twang so potently upon his instrument as to produce an effect upon all within hearing, as tliough ten thousand bagpipes were singing most lustily i' the nose. Him did the illustrious Kieft pick out as the man of all the world, and most fitted to be the champion of New Amsterdam, and to garrison its fort; making little doubt but that his instrument would be as effectual and oflensive in war as was that of the Paladin Astolpho, or the more classic horn of Alecto. It would have done one's heart good to have seen the governor snapping his fingers and fidgeting with delight, while his sturdy trumpeter strutted up and down the ramparts, fearlessly twanging his trumpet in the face of the whole world, like a thrice valorous editor, daringly insulting all the principalities and powers on the other side of the Atlantic. Nor was he content with thus strongly garrisoning the fort, but he likewise added exceedingly to its strength by furnishing it with a formidable battery of quaker guns^ rearing a stupendous flag-staff in the centre, which over- topped the whole city — and moreover by building a great windmill on one of the bastions.* This last, to be sure, was somewhat of a novelty in the art of fortification, but as I have already observed, William Kieft was notorious for innovations and experiments, and traditions do affirm that he was much given to mechanical inventions — con- structing patent smoke-jacks — carts that went before the horses — and especially erected windmills, for which machines he had acquired a singular predilection in hia native town of Saardam. All these scientific vagaries of the little governor were cried up with ecstacy by his adherents, as proofs of his universal genius; but there were not wanting ill-natured grumblers, who railed at him as employing his mind ia frivolous pursuits, and devoting that time to smoke-jacks and windmills, which should have been occupied in the Fort Amsterdam, who gare name to Corlear's Hook, and wlio was, doubtless, tbis same champion, described by Mr. Knickerbocker.— Editor. " De Vries mentions that this windmill stood on the south-east bas- tion, and it is likewise to be seen, together with the flag-staft, ia /ustus Dauker's View of New-Amsterdam, prefixed to his history. MEW YORK. 135 moee important concerns of the province. Nay, they even went so far as to hint once or twice, that his head was turned by his experiments, and that he really thought to manage his government as he did his mills — by mere wind ! — Such is the illiberality and slander to which enlightened rulers are ever subject. Notvuthstanding all tlic measures, therefore, of William the Testy, to place the city in a posture of defence, the in- habitants continued in great alarm and despondency. But Fortune, who seems always careful, in ihe very nick of time, to throw a bone for Hope to feed upon, that the starveling elf may be kept alive, did about this time crown the arms of the province with success in another quarter, and thus cheered the drooping hearts of the forlorn Neder- landers ; otherwise there is no knowing to what lengths they might have gone in the excess of their sorrowing — *' for grief," says the profound historian of the seven champions of Christendom, " is companion with despair, and despair a procurer of infamous death !" Among the numerous inroads of the Moss-troopers of Connecticut, which for some time past had occasioned such great tribulation, I should particularly have men- tioned a settlement made on the eastern part of Long- Island, at a place which, from the peculiar excellence of its shell fish, was called Oyster Bay. This was attacking the province in the most sensible part, and occasioned great agitation at New Amsterdam. It is an incontroverhble fact, well known to skilful physiologists, that the high road to the affections is through t-lie throat : and this may be accounted for on the same principles, which I have already quoted in my stric- tures on fat aldermen. Nor is the fact unknown to the world at large j and hence do we observe, that the surest way to gain the hearts of the million is to feed them well — and that a man is never so disposed to flatter, to please, and serve another, as when he is feeding at his expence ; which is one reason why your rich men, who give frequent dinners, have such abundance of sincere and faithful friends. It is on this principle that our knowing leaders of parties secure the affections of their partisans, by rewarding them bountifully with loaves and fishes ; and entrap the suffrages of the greasy mob, by treating them with bull featits and roasted oxen. I have known many N 2 136 HISTORY OF a man, in tins same city, acquire considerable importance in society, and usurp a large share of the gfood-vvill of his fellow citizens, when the only thing that could be said in his eulogium was, " that he gave a good dinner and kept excellent wnie." Since then the heart and the stomach are so nearly allied, it follows conclusively that what aftects the one must sympathetically afttct tlie other. Now it is an equally incontrovertible fact, that of all offerings to the stomach, there is none more grateful than the testaceous marine animal, known commonly by the vulgar name of Oyster. And in such great reverence has it ever been held by my gurmandizing fellow-citizens, that temples have been dedi- cated to it, time out of mind, in every street, lane, and alley throughout this well fed city. It is not to be expected, therefore, that the seizing of Oyster Bay, a place abounding with their favourite delicacy, would be tole- rated by the inhabitants of New Amsterdam. An attack upon tiieir honour they might have pardoned ; even the massacre of a few citizens might have been passed over in silence ; but an outrage that affected the larders of the great city of New Amsterdam, and threatened the stomachs of its corpulent burgoniasters, was tco serious to pass unrevenged. The whole council was unanimous in opinion ; that the intruders should be immediately driven by force of aims from Oyster Bay and its vicinity, and a detachment was accordingly despatched for the purpose, under command of one Stoffel Brinkerhoff, or Briiiker- hoofd (i. c. Stoffel, the head breaker) ; so called becau:-e he was a man of mighty deeds, famous throughout the whole extent of Nieuw Nederlandts for his skill at quar- terstaff ; and for size he would have been a match for Col brand, the Danish champion, slain by Guy of Warwick. Stoffel Brinkerhoff' was a man of few words but prompj actions — one of your straight going officers, who march directly forward, and do their orders without making any parade about it. He used no extraordinary speed in liis movements, but trudged steadily on, through Nineveh and Babylon, and Jericho and Patchog, and the mighty town of Quag, and various other renowned cities of yore, which, by some unaccountable witchcraft of the Yankees, have been stiangely transplanted to Long Island, until he arrived in the neighbourhood of Oystei- Bay. NEW YORK.. 137 Here was he encounierecl by a tumultuous host of valiant warriors, headed by Preserved Fish, and Habakkuk Nutter, and Return Strong, and Zerubbabel Fisk, and Jonathan Doolitlle, and Determined Cock! — At the sound of whose names the couragfeous Sloffel verily be- lieved that the whole parliament of Praise God Barebones had been let loose to discomfit him. Fmding, however, that this formidable body was composed merely of the « select men" of the settlement, armed with no other weapon but their tongues, and that they had issued forth with no other intent than to meet him on the field of argu- ment — he succeeded in putting them to route with little difficulty, and completely broke up their settlement. With- out waiting to write an account of his victory on the spot, and thus letting the enemy slip through his fingers, while he was securing his own laurels, as a more experienced general would have done, the brave Stoffel thought of nothing but completing his enterprise, and utterly driving the Yankees from the island. This hardy enterprise he performed in much the same manner as lie had been accus- tomed to drive his oxen j for as the Yankees fled before him, he pulled up his breeches and trudged steadily after them, and would infallibly have driven them into the sea, had they not begged for quarter, and agreed to pay tribute. The news of this achievement was a seasonable restora- tive to the spirits of the citizens of New Amsterdam. To gratify them still more, the governor resolved to astonish them with one of those gorgeous spectacles, known in (he days of classic antiquity, a full account of which had been flogged into his memory when a schoolboy at the Hague. A grand triumph, therefore, was decreed to Sloff'el Brin- kerhooff", who made his triumphant entrance into town riding on a Naraganset pacer : five pumpkins, which, like Roman eagles, had served the enemy for standards, were carried before him — fifty cart-loads of oysters, fire hun- dred bushels of Weathersfield onions, a hundred quintaU of codfish, two hogsheads of molasses, and various other treasures, were exhibited as the spoils and tribute of the Yankees ; while three notorious counterfeiters of Man- hattan notes* were led captives to grace the hero's triumph. ♦ This is one of tho^e trivial anachronisms that now and then occur in the course of this otherwise authentic history. How docul 138 HISTORY or Tiie procession was enlivened by martial music, from the trumpet of Anthony Van Corlear, the champion, accom- panied by a select band of boys and nep^roes, performing on the national instrument of rattle-bones and clam-shells. The citizens devoured tlie spoils in sheer gladness of heart — every man did honour to the conqueror by getting devoutly drunk on New-England rum ; and the learned Willielmus Kieft calling to mind, in a momesitary fit of enthusiasm and generosity, that it was customary among the ancients to honour their victorious general with public statues, passed a gracious tiecree, by which every tavern- keeper was permitted to paint the head of the intrepid Sluffel ou his sign ! CHAP. VI. PhilosopJiical Reflections on the Folly of being happy in times of Prosperity.— Sundry Troubles on the Southern Frontiers .—How IVillinm the Testy hud well nigh ruined the Province through a cabalistic word. — As also the secret expedition of Jan Javsen Alpendaniy and his astonishing Reward. If we could but get a peep at the tally of Dame Fortune, where, like a notable landlady, she regulaily chalks up the debtor and creditor accounts of mankind, we should find that, upon the whole , good a-.id evil are pretty nearly balanced in this world : and though we may for a long while revel in the very lap of prospeiity, the time will at length come, when we must ruefully pay off tlie reckon- ing. Fortune, in fict, is a pestilent shrew, and withal a most inexorable creditor ; for though she may indulge her favourites in long credits, and overwhelm tliem with her favours, yet sooner or later she brings up her arrears, with the rigour of an experienced publican, and washes out her scores with their tears. " Since," says good old Buetius, in his Consolation of PL-losophy, " since no man can retain her at his pleasure, and since her flight is so M.mliattan notes he counterfeited, when as yet B;inks were unknown in this country— and our simple protjenitors had not even uieauied oi those iuexuauslible laiam of paper opulence ]— J^iiut. Dev. NEW YORK. l39 deeply lamented, what are her favours but sure prognosti- cations of approaching trouble and calamity? There is nothing that more moves njy contempt at the stupidity and want of reflection of my fellow men, than to behold them rejoicing, and indulging in security and self-contidence, in times of prosperity. To a wise man, who is blessed with the light of reason, those are the very moments of anxiety and apprehension; well knowing that, according to the system of things, happiness is at best but transient ; and that the higher he is elevated by the capri- cious breath of fortune, the lower must be his propor- tionate depression. Whereas, he who is overwhelmed by calamity has the less chance of encountering fresh disas- ters, as a man at the bottom of a ladder runs very little risk of breaking his neck by tumbling to the top. This is tlje very essence of true wisdom, which consists in knowing when we ought to be miserable ; and was dis- covered much about the same time with that invaluable secret, " that every thing is vanity aid vexation of spirit;" in consequence of which maxim your wise men have ever been the unhappiest of the human race ; esteeming it as an infallible mark of genius to be distressed without reason ; since any man may be miserable in time of misfortune, but it is the philosopher alone who can discover cause for grief in the very hour of prosperity. According to the principle 1 have just advanced, we find that the colony of Mew Netherlands, which, under the reign of the renowned Van Twiller, had flourished iu such alarming and fatal serenity, is now paying for its former welfare, and discharging the enormous debt of comfort which it contracted. Foes harass it from different quarters; the city of New Amsterdam, while yet in its infancy, is kept in constant alarm ; and its valiant com- mander, William the Testy, answers the vulgar but expres- sive idea of " a man in a peck of troubles." While busily engaged repelling his bitter enemies the Yankees, on one side, we find him suddenly molested in another quarter, and by other assailants. A vagrant colony of Swedes, under the conduct of Peter Minnewits, and professing allegiance to that redoubtable virago, Chris- tina, queen of Sweden, had settled themselves and erected a fort on south (or Delaware) river ; within the boundarie* claimed by the government of the New Netherlands. Hia 140 HISTORY OF tory 18 mute as to the particulars of their first landing, and their I'eal pretensions to the soil ; and this is the more to be lamented, as this same colony of Swedes will hereafter be found most materially to atllect, not only the interests of the Nederlanders, but of the world at large ! In whatever manner, therefore, this vagabond colony of Swedes first took possession of the country, it is certain that in 1638 they established a fort, and Minnewits, according to the off-hand usage of his contemporai ies, declared himself governor of all the adjacent country, under the name of the province of New Sweden. No sooner did this reach the ears of the choleric Wilheiraus, than, like a true spirited chieftain, he immediately broke into a violent rage, and calling together his council, bela- boured the Swedes most lustily, in the longest speech that had ever been heard in the colony, since the memorable dispute of Ten Breeches and Tough Breeches. Haviiigthus given rent to the first ebullitions of his indignation, he had resort to his favourite measure of proclamation, and despatched one piping hot, in the first year of his reign, informing Peter Minnewits, that the whole territory border- ing on the south river, had, time out of mind, been in possession of the Dutch colonists, having been " beset with forts, and sealed with their blood." The latter sanguinary sentence would convey an idea of direful war and bloodshed, were we not relieved by the information, that it merely related to a fray, in which some half a dozen Dutchmen had been killed by the Indians, in their benevolent attempts to establish a colony and promote civilization. By this it will be seen that William Kieft, though a very small man, delighted in big expressions, and was much given to a praiseworthy figure in rhetoric, generally cultivated by your little great men, called hyper- bole. A figure which had been found of infinite service among many of his class, and which has helped to swell the grandeur of many a mighty, self-important, but windy chief magistrate. Nor can I resist in this place, from observing how much my beloved country is indebted to this same figure of hyperbole, for supporting certain of her greatest characters — statesmen, orators, civilians, and divines ; who, by dint of big words, inflated periods, and windy doctrines, are kept afloat on the surface of society, as ignorant swimmers are buoyed up by blown bladders. NEW YORK. 141 The proclamation against Minnewits concluded by ordering^ the self-diibbed governor, and his gang of Swedish adventurers, immediately to leave the country, under penalty of the high displeasure and inevitable vengeance of the puissant government of the Nieuw Nederlandts. This " strong measure," however, does not seem to have had a vhit more efl'ect than its predecessors, which had been thundered against the Yankees — the Swedes resolutely held on to the territory they had taken possession of, where- upon matters t\)r the present remained in statu quo. That Wilhelmus Kieft should put up with this insolent obstinacy in the Swedes would appear incompatible with his valorous temperament ; but we find that about this time the little man had his hands full, and with one annoy- ance and another, was kept continually on the bounce. There is a cei-tain description of active legislators, who, by shrewd njanagemeat, contrive always to have a hundred irons on the anvil, every one of which must be immedi- ately attended to ; who consequently are ever full of temporary shifts and expedients, patching up the public welfare, and cobbling the national aflTairs, so as to make nine holes where they mend one — stopping chinks and flaws with whatever comes first to hand, like the Yankees I have mentioned stuffing old clothes in broken windows. Or this class of statesmen was William the Testy ; and had he only been blessed with powers equal to his zeal, or his zeal been disciplined by a little discretion, there is very little doulit but he would have made the greatest governor of his size on record-, the renowned governor of the island of Barataria alone excepted, Tne great defect of Wilhelmus Keift's policy was, that though no man could be more ready to stand forth in an hour of emergency, yet he was so intent upon guarding the national p.tcket, that he siifi'ered the enemy to break its head : in other woids, whatever precaution for public safety he adopted, he was so intent upon rendering it cheap, that he invariably rendered it ineffectual. All this was a remote consequence of his profound education at the Hague; where, having acquired a smattering of know- ledge, he was ever after a gieat Conner of indexes, con- tinually dipping ujto books, without ever studying to the bottom of any subject ; so that he had the scum of all kinds of aut^sors fermenting in his pericranium. In some 143 HISTORY OF of these title-pape researches be unluckily stumbled over a giand political cabalistic wordy which, with his customary facility, he immediately incorporated into his great scheme of government, to the irretrievable injury and delusion of the honest province of Nieuw Nederlandts, and the eternal misleading of all experiment-al rulers. In vain have I pored over the Theurgia of the Chal- deans, the Cabala of the Jews, the Necromancy of the Arabians, the Magic of the Persians, the Hocus Pocus of the English, the Witchcraft of the Yankees, or the Pow- wowing of the Indians, to discover where the little man first laid his eyes on this terrible word. Neither theSephir Jezirah, that famous cabalistic volume, ascribed to the Patriarch Abraham; nor the pages of the Zoheir, contain ing the mysteries of the cabala, recorded by the learned Rabbi Simeon Jcjchaides, yield any light to my inquiries: nor am I in the least benefited by my painful researches in the Shem-hamphorah of Benjamin the wandering Jew, though it enabled Davidus Elm to make a ten days' jour- ney in twenty-four hours. Neither can 1 perceive the slightest affinity in the Tetragrammaton, or sacred name of four letters, the profoundest word of the Hebrew Ca- bala : a mystery, sublime, ineffable, and incommunicable, and the letters of which, Jod-He-Vau-He, having been stolen by the Pagans, constituted their great name Jao, or Jove. In short, in all my cabalistic, theurgic, necromantic, magical, and astrological researches, from the Tetractys, of Pythagoras, to the recondite works of Breslaw and Mother Bunch, I have not discovered the least vestige of an origin of this wo)"d, nor have 1 discovered any word of sufficient potency to counteract it. Not to keep my readers in any suspence, the word which had so wonderfully arrested the attention of William the Testy, and which in German characters had a particu- larly black and ominous aspect, on being fairly translated into the English, is no other than economy — a talis- manic term, winch, by constant use and frequent mention, has ceased to be formidable in our eyes, but which has as terrible potency as any in the arcana of necromancy. When pn^nuunced in a national assembly, it has an im- mediate effect in closing the hearts, beclouding the intel- lects, drawing the purse strings, and buttoning the breehesc pockets, of all philosophic legislators. Nor are its effects NEW YORK. 143 on the eyes less wonderful. It produces a contraction of the retina, an obscurity of the crystalline lens, a viscidity of the vitreous, and an inspissation of the aqueous humours, an induration of the tunica sclerotica, and a convexity of the cornea •, insomuch that tlie organ of vision loses its strength and perspicuity, and the unfortunate patient be- comes myopesy or, in plain English, purblind 5 perceiving only the amount of immediate expense, without being able to look farther, and regard it in counection with the ulti- mate object to be effected j " so that," to quote the words of the eloquent Burke, « a briar at his nose is of greater magnitude than an oak at five hundred yards distance.'* Such are its instantaneous operations, and the results are still more astonishing. By its magic influence seventy- fours shrink into frigates, frigates into sloops, and sloops into gun-boats. As the defenceless ships of Eneas, at the command of the protecting Venus, changed into sea- nymphs, and protected themselves by diving 5 so the mighty navy of America, by the cabalistic word of eco- nomy, dwindles into small craft, and shelters itself in a mill-pond ! This all-potent word, which served as his touchstone in politics, at once explains the whole system of proclama- tions, protests, empty threats, windmills, trumpeters, and paper war, carried on by Wilhelmus the Tesly ; and we may trace its operations in an armameiit which he fitted out in 1642, in a moment of great wrath, consisting of two sloops and thirty men, under the command of Mynheer Jan Jansen Alpendam, as admiral of the fleet, and com- mander-in-chief of the forces. This formidable expedition, which can only be paralleled by some of the daring cruises of our infant navy about the bay and up the sound, was intended to drive the Marylanders from the Schuylkill, of which they had recently taken possession, and which was claimed as part of the province of Nieuw Nederlandts; fin- it appears that at this time our infant colony was in that enviable slate so much coveted by ambitious nations ; that is to say, the government had a vast extent of territory, part of which it enjoyed, and the greater part of which it had continually to quarrel about. Admiral Jan Jansen Alpendam was a man of great mettle and prowess, and no way dismayed at the character of the enemy, who were represented as a gigantic, gun- 144 HISTORY OF powder race of men, who lived on hoe-cakes and bacon, drank mint-juleps and apple toddy ; and were exceedinsrly expert at boxing, biting, gouging, tar and feathering, and a variety of other athletic accomplishments, which they had borrowed fiom their cousins-german and prototypes the Virginians, to whom they have ever borne considerable resemblance. Notwithstanding all these alarming repre- sentations, the admiral entered the Schuylkill most un- dauntedly with his fleet, and anived without disaster or opposition at the place of destination. Here he attacked the enemy in a vigorous speech in low Dutch, which the wary Kieft had previously put in his pocket ; wherein he courteously commenced by calling hem a pack of lazy, louting, dram-drinking, cock-hght- iig, horse-racing, slave-driving, tavern-haunting, sabbath- breaking, mulatto-breeding upstarts ; and concluded by orderhig them to evacuate the country immediately ; to which they most laconically replied in plain English, " they'd see him d d first." Now this was a reply for which neither Jan Jansen Alpendam, nor Wilhehnus Kieft, had made any calculation ; and finding himself totally unprepared to answer so terri- ble a rebuff with suitable hostility, he concluded that his wisest course was to return home and report progress. He accordingly sailed back to New-Amsterdam, where he was received with great honours, and considered as a pattern for all commanders ; having achieved a most hazardous enterprise, at a trifling expence of treasure, and without losing a single man to the state! — He was unani- mously called the deliverer of his country (an appellation liberally bestowed on all great men) ; his two sloops, having done their duty, were laid up (or dry-docked) in a cove now called the Albany Basin, where they quietly rotted in the mud •, and, to immortalize his name, they erected, by subscription, a magnificent shingle monument on the top of Flatten-barrack* Hill, which lasted three whole years, when it fell to pieces, and was burned for firewood. • A corruption of Varleth's bergli, or Varleth's Hill, so callea from one Varleth, who lived upon that hill in the early days of the settlement. NEW YORK CHAP. V. How William the Testy enriched the Province by n multitude of Laws, and came to be the Patron of Lawyers and Bum-bailiffs. — And how the people became exceedingly enlightened and unhappy under his Instructions. Among the many wrecks and fragments of exalted wisdom which have floated down the stream of time from venerable antiquity, and have been carefully picked up by those humble but industrious wights, who ply along the shores of literature, we tind the following sage ordinance of Charondas, the Locrian legislator : — Anxious to preserve the ancient laws of the stale from the additions and improvements of profound "country members," or odicions candidates for popularity, he ordained, that whoever proposed a new law, should do it with a halter about his neck ; so that, in case his proposition was rejected, they just hung him up, and there the matter ended. This salutary institution had such an effect, that foi more than two hundred years there was only one trifling alteration in the criminal code ; and the whole race ot lawyers starved to death for want of employment. T\u consecjuence of this was, that the Locrians being unpro tected by an overwhelming load of excellent laws, and undefended by a standing array of pettifoggers and sherifl''& oflScerp lived very lovingly together, and were such a ' happj people, that they scarce make any tigure hroughout the whole Grecian history ; for it is well known that nont but your unlucky, quarrelsome, rantipole nations make any noise in the world. Well would it have been for William the Testy, had he haply, in the course of his " universal acquirements," stumbled upon this precaution of the good Charondas, On the contrary, he conceived that the true policy of alegislatoi was to multiply laws, and thus secure the property, the persous. and the morals of the people, by surrounding them m a manner with men-traps and spring-gnus, ai-d besetting even the sweet sequestered walks of private life with quickset-hedg«s, so that a man could scarcely turn without the risk of encountering some of t'.'.ose oest'ferous protectors. Thus was he continually coining o 14 6 HISTORY OF petty laws for every petty offence that occurred, until in time they became too numerous to be remembered, and remained, like those of certain modern legislatois, mere dead letters, revived occasionally for the purpose of individual oppression, or to entrap ignoiant offenders. Petty courts consequently began to appear, where the law was administered with nearly as much wisdom and impartiality as in those august tribunals, the aldermen's and justices' courts of the present day. The plaintiff" was generally favoured, as being a customer, and bringing business to the shop ; the offences of the rich were discreetly winked at, for ftar of hurting the feelings of their friends ; but it could never be laid to the charge of the vigilant burgomasters, that they suffered vice to sculk unpunished under the disgraceful rags of poverty. About this time may we date the first introduction of capital punishments : a goodly gallows being erected on the waterside about where Whitehall stairs are at present, a little to the east of the battery. Hard by also was erected another gibbet, of a very strange, uncouth, and unmatch- able description, but on which the ingenious William Kieft valued himself not a little, being a punishment entirely of his own invention.* It was for loftiness of altitude not a whit inferior to that of Haman, so renowned in Bible history ; but the marvel of the contrivance was, that the culprit, instead of being suspended by the neck, according to venerable custom, was hoisted by the waistband, and was kept for an hour together, dangling and sprawling between heaven and earth, to the infinite entertainment, and doubtless great edification of the multitude of respectable citizens, who usually attend upon exhibitions of the kind. It is incredible how the little governor chuckled at beholding caitiff' vagrants and sturdy beggars thus swinging by the crupper, anil cutting antic gambols in the air. He had a thousand pleasantries, and mirthful conceits, to utter upon these occasions. He called them his dandlc-lions^ his wild-fowl — his high fliers — his spread eagles — his goshawks — his scarecrows — ^and finally, liis gallows-bird s ; which ingenious appellation, though originally confined to worthies who had taken the air in this strange manner, has • Both the gibbets may be seen in the sketch of Justus Danker, piefixcd to tlie work. I NEW YORK. 147 since p-own to be a cant-name given to all caixlidales for legal elevation. This punishment, moreover, if we may credit the assertions of certain grave etymologists, gave the first hint for a kind of harnessing, or strapping, by which our forefathers braced up their multifarious breeches, and which has of late years been revived, and continues to be worn at the present day. Such were the admirable improvements of VVilliam Kieft in criminal law; nor was his civil code less a matter of wonderment : and much does it grieve me that the limits of my work will not suffer me to expatiate on both with the prolixity they deserve. Let it suffice then to say, that in a little while the blessings of innumerable laws became notoriously apparent. It was soon found necessary to have a certain class of men to expound and confound them : divers pettifoggers accordingly made their appearance, under whose protecting care the community was soon set together by the ears. 1 would not here be thought to insinuate any thing derogatory to the profession of the law, or to its dignified members. Well am 1 aware that we have in this ancient city innumerable worthy gentlemen, who have embraced that honourable order, not for the sordid love of filthy lucre, nor the selfish cravings of renown, but through no other motives than a fervent zeal for the correct adminis- tration of justice, and a generous and disinterested devo- tion to the interests of their fellow citizens ! — Sooner would 1 throw this trusty pen into the flames, and cork up my ink-bottle for ever, than infringe, even for a nail's-breadth, upon the dignity of this truly benevolent class of citizens; on the contrary, I allude solely to that crew of caitiff scouts, who in these latter days of evil, have become so numeious — who infest the skirts of the profession, as did the recreant Cornish knights the honourable order of chivalry — who, under its auspices, commit their depre- dations on society — who thrive by quibbles, quirks, and chicanery; and, like vermin, swarm most where tTiere is most corruption. Nothing so soon awakens the malevo'ent passions as the facility of gratification. The courts of law would never be so constantly crowded with petty, vexatious, and disgraceful suits, were it not for the herds of pettifogging lawyers that infest them. These tamper with the passions o 3 HISTORY OF of the lower and more ignoraiit classes ; who, as it povei ty were not a suffic lent misery in itself", are always ready to heighten it, by the bitterness of litigation. They are in law what quacks are in medicine — exciting t!;e malady for the purpose of profiting by the cure j and retarding the cure for the purpose of augmenting the ftes. Where one destroys the constitution, (he other impoverishes t!ie purse ; and it may likewise be observed, that a patient, who has once been under the hands of a quack, is ever after dabbling in drugs, and poisoning himself with infal- lible remedies ; and an ignorant man, who has wite meddlt'd with the law, vmder the auspices of one of the^e einj)iiics, is for ever after embroiling himself with his neighbours, and impoverishing himself with successful law-suits. My readers will excuse this digression, into which I have been unwarily betrayed ; but I could not avoid giving a cool, unprejv.diced account of an abomi- nation too pievaUnt in this excellent city, and witli the effects of which I am unluckily acquainted to my cost 5 having been neaily ruii;ed b\ a lawsuit, wliich was unjustly decided against me, and my ruin having been completed by another, which was decided in my favour. It has been lemaiked by the observant writer of the StnyAcsant manusciipt, that under the administration of Wiiiiehnus Kieft, tlie disposition of the inhabitants of Wevv-Amsterdam experienced au essential change, so that they became very medlilesonie and factious. The con- stant exacerbations of temper into which the little governor was thrown, by the marautlings on his frontiers, and unfortunate propensity to experiment and mnovation, occasioned him to keep his council in a continual worry — and the council being to the people at large, what yeast or leaven is to a batch, tliey threw the whole conmiunity into a ferment — and the people at large being to the city wLat the mind is to the body, the unhappy commotions tiiey underwent operated most disastrously upon New- Amsterdam — insomuch that, in ceitainof their paroxysms of consternation and perplexity, they begat several of the most crooked, dissorted, and abominable streets, lanes, and alleys, with which this rattrupolis is disfigured. But the woist of the matter was, that just about this time, the mob, since called the sovereign ]>eople, like Balaam's ass, began to grov. more tnlightcned than its NEW YORK. 149 ruler, and exhibited a strange desire of g-overning itself. This wasanolher effect of the " universal arquiiements'' of William the Testy. In some of his pestilent researches among the rubbish of antiquity, he was struck with admiration at the institution of public tables among the Lacedemonians, where they discussed topics of a general and interesting nature— at the schools of the philosophers, where they engaged in profound disputes upon politics and morals — where grey-beards were taught the rudiments of wisdom, and youths learned to become little men, before they were boys "There is nothing," said the ingenious Kieft, shutting up the book — " there is nothing more essential to the well-management of a country, than education among the people •, the basis of a good govern- ment should be laid in the public mind." Now this was true enough ; but it was ever the wayward fate of William the Testy, that when he thought right, he was sure to go to work wrong. In the present instance, he could scarcely eat or sleep, until he had set on foot brawling debating societies, among the simple citizens of New Amsterdam. This was the one thing wanting to complete his confusion. Tiie honest Dutch burghers, though in truth but little given to argument or wordy altercation, yet by dint of meeting often together, fuddling themselves with strong drink, beclouding their brains with tobacco smoke, and listening to the harangues of some half a dozen oracles, soon became exceedingly wise, and, as is always the case where the mob is politically enlightened, exceedingly discontented. They found out, with wonderful quickness of discernment, the fearful error in which they had in- dulged, in fancying themselves the happiest people in creation ; and were fortunately convinced that, all cir- cumstances to the contrary notwithstanding, they were a very unhappy, deluded, and consequently ruined people ! In a, short time the quidnuncs of New-Amsterdam formed themselves into sage juntos of political croakers, who daily met together to groan over political affairs, and make themselves miserable j thronging to these unhappy assemblages with the same eagerness, that zealots have m all ages abandoned the milder and more peaceful paths of religion, to crowd tot,he howling convocations of fanaticism. We are naturally prone to discontent, and avaricious after imaginary causes of lamentation : — like lubberly monks, 17)6 HISTORY or wc bclabi)r.r our own shoulders, ami seem to take a vast satisfaction in t'le music of our own g^roans. Nor is this said for the sake of paradc« ^ dady experience shows tl)e truth of these observations. It is next to a farce to offer consolation, or to think of elevali;i^ the spirits of a man groaning under ideal calamities ; but nothinjj is more easy than to render him wretched, thouajh on the pinnacle of felicity ; as it is an Herculean task to hoist a man to the top of a steeple, though the merest child can topple him off thence. In the sage assemblaafes I have noticed, the philo- sophic reader will at once perceive the faint germs of those sapient convocations called papular meeting's, prevalent in our day. Thither resort all thor-e idlers a!id *' squires of low degree," v/ho, like rags, hang loose upon the back of society, and are ready to be blown away by every wind of doctrine. Cobblers abandoned their stalls, and hastened Ihither to give lessons on political economy— black- •tmiths left their handicraft and suffered their own fires tt ^) out, wlnle they blew the bellows and stirred up the tire of faction ; and even tailors, though but the shreds and patches, the ninth parts of humanity, neglected their own measures, to attend to the measures of government. Nothing was wanting but half a dozen newspapers and patriotic editors, to have completed this public illumina- tion, and to have thrown the whole province in an uproar I I should not forget to mention that these popular meet- ing- were always held at a noted tavern ; for houses of that description have always been f lund the most congenial nurseries of politics 5 abounding with those genial streams which give strength and sustenance to faction. We are told that the ancient Germans had an admirable mode of treating any question of importance j they first deliberated upon it when drunk, and afterwards reconsidered it when sober. The shrewder mobs of America, who dislike having two minds upon a subject, both determine and act upon it drunk ; by which means a world of cold and tedious speculations is dispensed with — and as it is universally allowed, that when a man is drunk he sees double; it follows most conclusivclv that he sees twice as well as his sober neighbours. NKW VORK. 151 CHAP. VI. of tlie (jreat Pipe Plot — and of the dolorous perplexities into which William the Testy was thrown, by reason of his having enlightened the Multitude. WiLHELMUs KlEFT, as has already been made mam fosi, was a great legislator upon a small scale. He was of an active or rather a busy mind ; that is to say, his was one of those small, luit brisk minds, that make up "^v bustle and constant motion, for the want of great scop, and power. Ha Isad, when quite a youngling, been im- pressed with the advice of Solomon, "Go to the ant, thou sluggard, consider her ways and be wise :" in conformity to which, he had ever been of a rest!es«, ant-like turn, worrying hither and thither, busying himself about little matters, with an air of grei/t importance and anxiety — laviiig up wisdom by the morsel, and often toiling and pufting at a grain of mustard seed, under t!ie full con- viction that he was moving a mountain. Thus we are told, that once upon a time, in one of his fits of mental bustle, which he termed deliberation, he framed an unlucky law, to prohit the universal practice of smoking. This he proved, by mathematical demonstra- tion, to be not merely a heavy tax on the public pocket, but an incredible consumer of time, a hideous encourager of idleness, and, of course, a deadly bane to the pros- perity and moials of the people. Ill fated Kieft ! had he lived in this enlightened and libel-loving age, and at- tempted to subvert the inesfimiible liberty of the press, he could not have struck mure closely on the sensibilities of the million The populace were in as violent a tumult as the consti- tutional gravity of their deportment would permit : a mob of factiiiUi!. citizens had even the hardihood to assemble before the g-overnor's house, where, setting themselves resolutely down, like a besieging army before a fortress, they one and all fell to smoking with a determined peise- verance, that seemed as though it were their intention to smoke him into terms. The Testy William issued out of his ma4isioa like unto u wrathful spidei', and demanded to 152 HISTORY or know the cause of this seditious assptnblage, and this law- less fumigation ; to which these sturdy rioters made no other reply, than to loll back most phlegmatically in their seats and puff away with redoubled fury ; whereby they raised such a murky cloud, that the governor was fain to take refuge in (he interior of his castle. The governor immediately perceived the object of this unusual tumult, and that it would be impossible to sup- press a practice which, by long indulgence, had become a second nature. And here I would observe, parlly to ex- plain why I have so often made mention of this practice in mv history, that it was inseparably connected with all the aflairs, both public and private, of our revered ancestors. The pipe, in fact, was never from the mouth of the true- born Nederlander. It was his companion in solitude, the relaxation of his gayer hours — his counsellor, his con- soler, his joy, his pride j in a word, he seemed to think and breathe through his pipe. When William the Testy bethought himself of all these matters, which he certainly did, although a little too late, he came to a compromise with the beseiging multitude. The result was, that though he continued to permit the custom of smoking, yet did he abolish the fair long pipes, which were used in tlie days of Wouter Van Tvviller, de- noting ease, tranquilitty, and sobriety of deportment ; and in place thereof did introduce little captious short pipes, two inches in length ; which, he observed, could be stuck in one corner of the mouth, or twisted in the hat-band, and would not be in the way ot business. By this the multi- tude seemed somewhat appeased, and dispersed to their habitations. Thus ended this alarming insurrection, which was long known by the name of the pipe plot, and which, it has been somewhat quaintly observed, did end, like most other plots, seditions, and conspiracies, in mere imoke. But mark, oh reader ! the deplorable consequences that did aftcrvrards result. Thesmoke of these villainious little pipes, continually ascenth the others, headed by the descendants of the famous Robert Chewit, the companion of the great Hudson. 'I'hese entirely discarded the use of pipes, and took to chewing tobacco, and hence they were called Quids. It is worthy of notice, that tliis appellation has since come to be invariably applied to those mongrel or third parties, that will sometimes spring up between two o-jeat contend- ing parties, as a inule is pioduced between a horse and an ass. And here I would remark the great benefit of these party distinctions, by m hich the people at large are saved the vast trouble of thinking. Hesiod (tivides mankind into three classes, those who think for themselves, those who let others think for them, and those who will neither do one nor the other. The second class, however, corn- prises the great mass of society, and hence is the origin of pnrtpy by which is meant a large body of people, some few of whom think, and all the rest talk. The former, who are called the leaders, marshal out and discipline t!ie latter, teaching them what they must approve — what they must hoot at — what they must say — whom they must support 5 but, above all, whom they must hate ; for no man can be a right good partisan, unless he be a deter- mined and thorough-going hater. But when the sovereign people are thus properly broken to the harne.^?, yoked, embed, and reined, it is delectable to see with what docility and harmony they jog oriward, through mud and mire, at the will of their drivers, drag- ging the dirt-carts of faction at their heels. How many a patriotic members of congress have I seen, who would never have known how to make up his mind on any ques- tion, and might have run a great risk of voting right by 154 HISTORY OF mere accident, had he not had others to think for him, and a file leader to vote after. Thus then the enlightened inhabitants of the Manhattoes, being^ divided into parties, were enabled to organize dissen- sion, and to oppose and hate one another more accurately. And now the great business of polities went bravely on ; the parties assembling in separate beer-houses, and fcuioking at each other with implacable animosity, to the great support of the state, and emolument of the tavern keepers. Some, indeed, who were more zealous than the rest, went further, and began to bespatter one another with numerous very hard names and scandalous little words, to be ft^und in the Dutch language; every partisan believing religiously that he was serving his country, when he traduced the character, or impoverished the pocket of a political adversary. But, however they might differ between themselves, all parties agreed on one point — to caval at and condemn every measure of government whether right or wrong 5 for as the governor was by his station independent of their power, and was not elected by their choice, and as he had not decided in favour of either faction, neither of them was interested in his success, nor in the prosperity of the country while under his administration. "Unhappy William Kieft '." exclaims the sage writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, "doomed to conlend with enemies too knowing to be entrapped, and to reign over a people too wise to be governed I" All his expeditions against his enemies were baffled and set at nought, and all his measures for the pu!)lic safety were cavilled at by the people. Did he propose levying an efficient body of troops for internal defence — the mob, that is to say, those vagabond members of the community who have nothing to lose, immediately took the alarm, vociferated that their interests were in danger 5 that a standing army was a legion of moths, preying on the pockets of society ; a rod of iron in the hands of government ; and that a govern- ment with a military force at its command would inevitably swell into a despotism. Did he, as was but too commonly the case, defer preparation until the moment of emergency, and then hastily collect a handful of undisciplined vagrants — the measure was hooted at, as feeble and inadetjuate ; as triflnig with the public dignity and safety 3 and as lavish NEW YORK. 155 mg the public funds on impotent enterprises. Did he resort to the economic measure of proclamation— he was laughed at by the Yankees. Did lie back it by non-inter- course — it was evaded and counteracted by his own subjects. Whichever way he turned himself he was beleagured and disti acted by petitions of " numerous and respectable meetings," consisting of some half a dozen brawling pot-house politicians ; all of which he read, and, what is worse, all of which he attended to. The conse- quence was, that by incessantly changing his measures, he gave none of them a fair trial ; and by listening to the clamours of the mob, and endeavouring to do every thing, he, in sober truth, did nothing. I would not have it supposed, however, that he took all these memorials and interferences good-naturedly, for such an idea would do an injustice to his valiant spirit; on the contrary, he never received a piece of advice in the whole course of his life, without first getting into a passion with the giver. But 1 have ever observed thar your passionate little men, like small boats with large sails, are the easiest upset or blown out of their course ; and this is demon* strated by Governor Kieft, who, though in temperament as hot as an old radish, and with a mind, the territory of which was subjected to perpetual whirlwinds and tornadoes, yet never failed to be carried away by the last piece of advice that was blown into his ear. Lucky was it for him that his power was not dependent on the greasy multitude, and that as yet the populace did not possess the important privilege of nominating their chief magistrate. They, however, like a true mob, did their best to help along public affairs 5 pestering their governor incessantly by goading him on with harangues and petitions ; and then thwarting his fiery spirit wiih reproaches and memorials, like a knot of Sunday-jockies, managing an unlucky devil of a hack-horse : so tliat Wilhelmus Kieft may be said to have been kept either on a worry or a hand-gallop throusfhout the whole of his adminstration. 156 HISTORY OF CHAP. VII. Containing divers fearful accounts of Border JVarSy and the flagrant outrages of the Moss Troopers of Connecti- cut ; with the rise of the great Amphyctionic Council of the East, and the decline of William the Testy. It was asserted by the wise men of ancient tinne?, who were intimately acquainted with these matters, that at the gate of Jupiter's palace lay two huaje tuns, the one filled with blessings, the other with misfortunes j and it verily seems as if the latter had been completely overturned, and left to deluge the unlucky province of Nieuw Nederlandts. Among the many internal and external causes of irritation, the incessant irruptions of the Yankees upon his frontiers •were continually a(iding fuel to the imflammable temper of William the Testy. Numerous accounts of these molestations may still be found among the records of the times ; for the commanders on the frontiers were especially careful to evince their vigilance and zeal, by striving who should send home the most frequent and voluminous budgets of complaints, as your faithful servant is eternally running with complaints to the parlour, of all the petty squabbles and misdemeanours of the kitchen. All these valiant tale bearings were listened to with great wrath by the passionate Kieft and his subjects, who were to the full as eager to hear, and credulous to believe, these frontier fables, as are my fellow citizens to swallow those amusing stories with which our papers are daily filled, about British aggressions at sea, French sequestrations on shore, Spanish infringements in the promised land of Louisiana, and, above all, internal plots and conspiracies. We are told by the good Plutarch, in his life of Nicias, that the terrible defeat of the Athenians in Sicily was first mentioned in tlie shop of a gossiping barber at the Piraeus. Whereupon, with the customary officiousness of his tribe, he ran up into Athens to have the first telling of the story, and threw the whole forum into consternation. Not being able, however, to substantiate his tale, the unlucky shaver was put upon the wheel and whirled about, as a reward for his trouble, until he was exculpated by the arrival of other evidi uce. ,1 i NEW York, 157 Such was tlie manner in which busy alarmists ausi niaimfacturers of fearful news were treated in Athens, whereas in our more enlightened couiitry we support whole herds of editors for no other purpose than to gratify a public appetite for direfjil news, and any man wlio can foist up a full sounding, hobgoblin story of a plot or conspiracy, may command his own price for it. I have known two or three of these tales of terror to be bought up by government, for the sovereign people to amuse themselves withal ; which goes further to prove, what I have before asserted, that your enlightened people love to be miserable. Far be it from me to insinuate, however, that our worthy ancestors indulged in groundless alarms 5 on the contrary, they were daily suffering a repetition of cruel wrongs, * not one of which but was a sufficient reason, according- to the maxims of national dignity and honour, for throwing the whole universe into hostility and confusion. Oh ye powers ! into what indignation did every one of these outrages throw the philosophic William ! Letter after letter, protest after protest, proclamation after pro- clamation, bad l^atin, worse English, and hideous low Dutch, were exhausted in vain upon the inexhorable Yan- kees ; and the four and twenty letters of the alphabet, ■which, excepting his companion the sturdy trumpeter Van Corlear, composed the only standing army he had at his ' From amone^ a multitude of bitter grievances still on record, I select a few of the most atrocious, and leave my readers to judge, if our ancesiors were not justitiable in getting into a very violent passion on Uie occasion. 24 June, 1641. Some of Hartford liave taken a hogg out of the vlact, or common, and shut it up out of mere tidte or ottier prejudice, causing it to starve for hunger in the sJye. 26 July. The forementioned English did again drive the Com- panies hoggsout of the vlact of isicojoke into Hartlbrd ; contending dniiy with reproaclies, blows, beating the people with all disgrace that they could imagine. May 20, 1642. The English of Hartford have violently cut loose a horse of the honoured Companie's, that stood boun upon ttie com- mon or vlact. May 9, 1643. The Companie's liorse.s pastured upon the Com- panie's ground were driven away by them of Connecticut and liart- iord, and the iierdsmen lustily beaten with hatchets and sticks. 16. Again tliey sold a young hogg belonging to tiie Companie, which pig.s had pastured on the Companie's land. Haz Col. State Pap. P ^58 HISTORY OF command, were never off duty throughout the whole of his administration. Nor did Anthony, the trumpeter, remain a whit behind his patron the gallant Kieft, in his fiery zeal •, but like a faithful champion and preserver of the public safety, on the arrival of every fresh article of news, he was sure to sound his trumpet from the ramparts, with most disastrous notes, throwing the people into violent alarms, and disturbing their rest at all times and seasons ; which caused him to be held in very great regard, the public pampering and rewarding him, as we do brawl- ing editors, for reasons that have just been mentioned. I am well aware of the perils that environ me in this part of my history. While raking with curious hands but pious heart among the mouldering remains of former days, anxious to draw therefrom the honey of wisdom, I may fare somewhat like that valiant woithy Samson who, in meddling with the carcass of a dead lion, drew a swarm of bees about his ears. Thus while narrating the many misdeeds of the Yanokie, or Yankee tribe, it is ten chances to one but I offend the morbid sensibilities of certain of their unreasonable descendants, who may fly out and raise such a buzzing about this unlucky head of mine, that I shall need the tough hide of an Achilles or an Orlando Furioso, to protect me from their stings. Should such be the case, 1 should deeply and sincerely lament — not my misfortune in giving offence, but the wrong-headed perverseness of an ill-natured generation, in taking offence at any thing I say. That their ancestors did use my ancestors ill it is true, and I am very sorry for it. 1 would with all my heart the fact were otherwise j but as I am recording the sacred events of history, I'd not bate one naiPs breadth of the honest truth, though I were sure the whole edition of my work should be bought up and burned by the common hangman of Connecticut. And, in sooth, now that these testy gentlemen have drawn me out, I will make bold to go fuither, and observe, that this is one of the grand purposes for which we impartial historians are sent into the world — to redress wrongs and render justice on t*.ie head of the guilty. So that though a powerful nation may wrong its neighbours with tempo- rary impunity, yet sooner or later an historian springs up, who wreaks ample chastisement on it in return. Thus these moss-troopers of the east little thought, I'll NEW YORK 159 warrant it, while they were harrassing the inoflfensive pro- vince of Ps'ieuw Nederlandts, and driving its unliappy governor to his wits' end, that an historian should ever arsse, and give them tlieir own, with interest. Since then I am but performnig my bounden duty as an historian, in aveug^ iug ihe wrongs of our revered ancestors, I sliall make no further apology ; and indeed, when it is considered that I have all these ancient borders of the east in my power, and at the mercy of my pen, I trust that it will be admitted 1 conduct myself with great humanity and moderation. To resume then the course of my history. — Appear- ances to the eastward began now to assume a more for- midable aspect than ever ; for 1 would have you note that hitherto the province had been chiefly molested by its im- mediate neighbours, the people of Connecticut, particu- larly of Hartford ; which, if we may judge from ancient chronicles, was the strong hold of these sturdy moss- troopers, from whence they sallied forth on their daring incursions, carrying terror and devastation into the barns, the hen-roosts, and pigsties of our revered ancestors. Albeit about the year 1643 the people of the east coun- try, inhabiting the colonies of Massachusets, Connecticut, New Plymouth, and New Haven, gathered together into a mighty conclave, and after buzzing and debating for many days, like a political hive of bees in swarming time, at length settled themselves into a formidable confedera- tion, under the title of the United Colonies of New Eng- land. By this union they pledged themselves to stand by one another in all perils and assaults, and to co-operate in all measures, oflensive and hai historian, who alleges that the ingenious VVilhelmus was aniiihilated by the blowing down of one of his windmills j nor to that of a writer of later times, who affirms that he fell a victim to a philosophical experiment, which he had for many years been vainly striving to accomplish-, having the mis- foitune to break his neck from the garret window of the Stadthouse, in an ineffectual attempt to catch swallows, by sprinkling fresh salt upon their tails. « The old Welsh bards believed that King Arthur was not dead, but carried awaie by the faries to some pleasant place, where he shold remaine for a time, and then returiie agaiue and reigne iu as'great autlioiity as ever. — HoUingshed. Tiie Britons suppose tliat he shall come yet and conquere all Bri- taiuiie, for certes this is the prophicye of Merlyn. lie say'd that his lieth shall he doubteous ; and said sotii, for men tiiereof yet have double and shullen for ever more — for men wyt not whether that lie ly vcih iJi is dedc. — Du I eew Chrou, NEW YORK. 163 The most probable account, and to which I am inclined to give my implicit faith, is contained in a very obscure tradition, which declares, that what with the constant troubles on his frontiers, the incessant schemings and pro- jects going on in his own pericranium — the memorials, petitions, remonstrances, and sage pieces of advice from divers respectable meetings of the sovereign people, toge- ther with the refractory disposition of his council, who were sure to differ from him on every point, and uniformly to be in the wrong : all these, I say, did eternally operate to keep his mind in a kind of furnace heat, until he at length became as completely burnt out as a Dutch family pipe which has passed through three generations of hard smokers. In this manner did the choleric but magnani- mous William the Testy undergo a kind of animal com- bustion, consuming away like a farthing rush-light 5 so that when grim death finally snuffed him out, there was scarce left enough of him to bury ! ESID OF BOOK FOURTH. 164 HISTORY or BOOK FIFTH. CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OF THE RFIGN OF PETER STUYVESANT, AND HIS TROUBLES WITH THE AMPHYC- TIONIC COUNCIL. CHAP. H. In which the Death of a great Man is sJietni to he no vert/ inconsolable matter of Sorrow ; and how Peter Stuyvesant acquired a great Name from the uncommon Strength of his Head. To a profound philosopher, like myself, who ana apt to see clear through a subject, where the penetration of ordi- nary people extends but half way, there is no fact more simple and manifest, than that the death of a great man is a matter of very little importance. Much as we may think of ourselves, and much as we may excite tlie empty plaudits of the million, it is certain that the greatest among us do actually fill but an exceeding small space in the world ; and it is equally certain, that even that small space is quickly supplied when we leave it vacant. " Of what consequence is it," said the elegant Pliny, " that indivi- duals appear, or make their exit ? — the world is a theatre whose scenes and actors are continually changing." Never did philosopher speak more correctly, and 1 oidy wonder, that so wise a remaik could have existed so many ages, and mankind not have laid it more to heart. Sage follows on in tlie footsteps of sage ; one hero just steps out of his triumphal car, to make way for the hero who comes aft«M- him ; and of the proudest monarch it is merely said, that — " he slept with his fathers, and his successors reigned in his stead." The world, to tell the private truth, cares but little for their loss, and if left to itself would soon forget to grieve j and though a nation has often been figuratively drowned in tears on the death of a great man, yet it is ten chances to one if an individual tear has been shed on the occasion, NEW YORK. 165 excepting- from the forlorn pen of some hungry author. It is the historian, the bioo-rapher, and tlie poet, who have the whole burtlien of §^rief to sustain — who, kind souls ! like undertakers in Eng^land, act the part of chief mourners — who inflate a nation with sighs it never heaved, and deluge it witii tears it never dreamt of shedding. Thus, while the patriotic author is weeping and howling, in prose, in blank verse, and in rhyme, and collecting the drops of ))ublic sorrow into his volume, as into a lachrymal vase, it is more than probable his fellow-citizens are eating and drinking, fiddling and dancing, as utterly ignorant of the bitter lamentations made in their name, as are those men of straw, John Doe and Richard Roe, of the plaintiffs for whom they are generously pleased on divers occasions to become sureties. The most glorious and praise-worthy hero that ever de- solated nations might have mouldered into oblivion among the rubbish of his own monument, did not some historian take him into favour, and benevolently transmit his name to posterity : and much as the valiant William Kieft wor- ried, and bustled, and turmoiled, while he had the desti- nies of a whole colony in his hand, I question seriously whether he will not be obliged to this authentic history for all his future celebrity. His exit occasioned no convulsion in the city of New Amsterdam or its vicinity : the earth trembled not, neither did any stars shoot from their spheres — the heavens were not shrouded in black, as poets would fain persuade us they have been, on the unfortunate death of a hero — the rocks (hard-hearted varlets !) melted not into tears, nor did the trees hang their heads in silent sorrow ; and as to the sun, he laid abed the next night, just as long, and showed as jolly a face when he arose, as he ever did oa the same day of the mouth in any year, either before or since. The good people of New Amsterdam, one and all, declared that he had been a very busy, active, bustling little governor — that he was, '' the father of his country"— that he was " the noblest work of God" — that " he was a man, take him for all in all, they never should look upon his like again" — together with sundry other civil and affec- tionate speeches, that are regularly said on the death of all great men ; after which they smoked their pipes, thought 166 HISTORY or no more about him, and Peter Sluyvesant succeeded to his station. Peter Stuyvesant was the last, and like the renowned Wouter Van Twiller, he was also the best of our ancient Dutch orovernors. Wouter having surpassed all who pre- ceded him, and Pieter or Piet, as he was sociably called by the old Dutch burghers, who were ever prone to fami- liarize names, having never been equalled by any suc- cessor. Me was in fact the very man fitted by nature to retrieve the desperate fortunes of her beloved province, had not the fates, those most potent, immaculate, and unrelent- ing of all ancient and immortal spinsters, destined them to inextricable confusion. To say merely that he was a hero would be doing him great injustice — he was in truth a combination of heroes ; for he was of a sturdy, raw-boned make, like Ajax Tela- mon, so famous for his prowess in belabouring the little Trojans — with a pair of round shoulders, that Hercules would have given his hide for (meaning his lion's hide), when he undertook to ease old Atlas of his load. He was, moreover, as Plutarch describes Coriolanus, not only teirible for the force of his arm, but likewise of his voice, which sounded as though it came out of a barrel ; and like the self-same warrior, he possessed a sovereign contempt for the sovereign people, and an iron aspect, which was enough of itself to make the very bowels of his adversaries quake with terror and dismay. All this martial excellency of appearance was inexpressibly heightened by an acci- dental advantage, vrith which I am surprised that neither Homer nor Virgil have graced any of their heioes •, ^or it is worth all the scars and wounds in the Iliad and Eneid, or Lucan's Pharsalia into the bargain. This was nothing icss than a redoubtable wooden leg, which was the only prize he had gained, in bravely fighting the battles of his country; but of which he was so proud that he was often heard to declare he valued it more than all his other limbs put together ; indeed so highly did he esteem il, that he had it gallantly enchased and relieved with silver devices, which v^used it to be related in divers histories and legends tliat he wore a silver leg.* * See the Histories of Masters Josseiyn anu Bicme. NEW YORK. 167 Like that choleric warrior Achilles, he was somewhat subject to extempore bursts of passion, which were oft- times rather unpleasant to his favourites and attendants, whose perceptions he was apl to quicken, after the manner of his illustrious imitator, Peter the Gieat, by anointings their shoulders with his walking stafF. But the resemblance for which 1 most value him was that which he bore in many particulars to the renowned Charlemagne. Though 1 cannot find that he had read Plato, or Aristotle, or Hobbcs, or Bacon, or Algernon Sydney, or Tom Paine ; yet did he sometimes manifest a shrewdness and sagacity in his measures, that one would hardly expect from a man who did not know Greek, and had never studied the ancients. True it is, and 1 confess it with sorrow, that he had an unreasonable aversion (o ex- periments, and was fond of governing his province after the simplest manner ; but then he contrived to keep it in better order than did the erudite Kieft, though he had all the philosophers, ancient and modern, to assist and per- plex him. 1 must likewise own that he made but very few laws, but then again he took care that those few were rigidly and impartially enforced ; and I do not know but justice on the whole was as well administered as if there had been volumes of sage acts and statutes yearly made, and daily neglected and forgotten. He was, in fact, the very reverse of his predecessors, being neither tranquil and inert, like Walter the Doubter, nor restless and fidgetting, like William the Testy : but a man, or rather a governor, of such uncommon activity and decision of mind, that he never sought or accepted the advice of others ; depending confidently upon his single head, as did the heroes of yore upon their single arms, to work his way through all difficulties and dangers. To tell the simple truth, he wanted no other requisite for a perfect statesman than to think always right, for no one can deny that he always acted as he thought ; and if he wanted in correctness, he made up for it in perseverance — an excellent quality ! since it is surely more dignified for a ruler to l>e persevering and consistent in eiror, than wavering and contradictory in endeavouring to do what is right : this much is certain, and it is a maxim worthy the attention of all legislators, both great and small, who stand shaking in the wind, without knowing which way 168 HISTOIiY OF to steer. A ru!er who acts according to his own will is sure of pleasing himself; wliile he wlu) seeks to satisfy the wishes and whims of others, runs a great risk of pleasing nobody. The clock that stands still, and points stedfastly in one direction, is certain being right twice in the four and twenty hours ; while others may keep going continu- ally, and continually be going wrong. Nor did this magnanimous virtue escape the discern- . ent of the good people of Meuw Tsederlandts ; on the contrary, so high an opinion had they of the independent mind and vigorous intellects of their new governor, that they universally called him Hard-koppig Piet, or Peter THE Headstrong — a great compliment to his under standing ! If from all that I have said thou dost not gather, worthy reader, that Peter Stuyvesant was a tough, sturdy, valiant, weather-beaten, mettlesome, obstinate, leathern- sided, lion-hearted, generous-spirited old governor, either I have written to but very little purpose, or thou art very dull at drawing conclusions. This most excellent governor, whose character I have thus attempted feebly to delineate, commenced his admi- nistration on the 29lh of May, 1647 ; a remarkable stormy day, distinguished in all the almanaks of the time which have come down to us, by tlie name of Windy Friday. As he was very jealous of his personal and official dignity, he was inaugurated into office with great ceremony ; the goodly oaken chair of ti:e lenowned Wouter Van Twiller being carefully preserved for such occasions, in like manner as the cl:air and stoue were reve- rentially preserved at Scone in Scotland, lor the coronation of the Caledonian manarchs. I must not omit to mention, that the tempestuous state of the elements, together with its being that unlucky day of the week, termed " hanging day," did not fail to excite much grave speculation, and divers very reasonable appre- hensions among the more ancient and enlightened inhabi- tants ; and several of tlie sager sex, who were reputed to be not a little skilled in the mysteries of astrology and for- tune telling, dnl declare outright, tint they weie omens of a disastrous administration — an event that came to be lamentably verified, and which proves, beyond dispute, the wisi'.om of attending to those preternatural intiniaiious> NEW YORK 169 'urnislied by dreams and visions, the flying of birds, ftili- ing of stones, and cackling of geese ; on which the sages and rulers of ancient times placed such reliance •, or to those shootings of stars, eclipses of the moon, bowlings of dogs, and flarings of candles, carefully noted and inter preted by the oracular sibyls of uur day ; who, in my humble opinion, are the legitimate inheritors and pre- servers of the ancient science of divination. This much is certain, that Govenor Stuyvesant succeeded to the chair of state at a turbulent period ; when foes thronged and threatened from without ; when anarchy and stiff-necked opposition reigned rampant witiiin ; when the authority of their high mightinesses the lords states-general, though founded on the broad Dutch bottom of unoflending imbe. cility ; though supported by economy, and defended by speeches, protests, proclamations — yet tottered to its very centre ; and when the great city of New Amsterdam, though fortified by flag-staft's, trumpeters, and windmills, seemed, like some fair lady of easy virtue, to lay open to attack, and ready to yield to the first invader. CHAP. II. Showing how Pet&i the Headstrong bestirred himself among the Rats and Cohwehs on entering into Office; and the perilous mistake he was guilty ofy in his dealings with the Amphyctions. The very first movements of the great Peter, on taking the reins of government, displayed the magnanimity of his mind, though they occasioned not a little marvel and un- easiness among the people of the Manhattoes. Fmding himself constantly interrupted by the opposition, and annoyed by the sage advice of his privy council, the mem- bers of which had acquired the unreasonable habit of thinking and speaking for themselves during the preceding reign, he determined at once to put a stop to such griev ous abominations. Scarcely, therefore, had he entered upon his authority, than he turned out of office all those meddlesome spirits that composed the factious cabinet of William the Testy, in place of whom he chose unto him- 170 HISTORY OF self counsellors from those fat, somniferous, respectable families, that had flourished and slumbered under the easy reign of Walter the Doubter. All these he caused to be furnished with abundance of fair long pipes, and to be regaled with frequent corporation dinners, admonishing them to smoke, and eat, and sleep, for the good of the nation, while he took all the burden of government upon his own shoulders — an arrangement to which they all gave hearty acquiescence. Nor did he stop here, but made a hideous rout among the inventions and expedients of his learned predecessor — demolishing his flag-staft's and windmills, which, like mighty giants, guarded the ramparts of New Amsterdam --pitching to the duyvel whole batteries of quaker guns — rooting up his patent galluws, where caitiff" vagabunds were suspended by the waistband ; and in a word, turning topsy-turvy the whole philosophic, economic, and wind- mill system of the immortal sage of Saaidam. The honest folk of New Amsterdam began to quake now for the fate of their matchless champion Anthony the trumpeter, who had acquired prodigious favour in the eyes of the women, by means of his whiskers and his trumpet. Him did Peter the Headstrong cause to be brought into his presence, and eyeing him for a moment from head to foot, with a countenance that would have appalled any thjng else than a sounder of brass : " Prythee, who and what art thou ?" said he. " Sire," replied the other, in no wise dismayed 5. " for my name, it is Anthony Van Corlear — for my parentage, I am tlie son of my mother— for my profession, I am champion and garrison of this great city of New Amsterdam." " I doubt me much," said Peter Stuyvesant, " that thou art some scurvy costard- monger knave — how didst thou acquire this paramount honour and dignity ?" — " Marry, Sw," replied the other, *' like many a great man before me, simply by sounding viy own trumpet.'''' — " Ay, is it so ?" quoth the governor, " why then let us have a relish of thy art." Whereupon he put his instrument to his lips, and sounded a charge, with such a tremendous outset, such a delectable quiver, and such a triumphant cadence, that it was enough to make your heart leap out of your mouth only to be within a mile of it Like as a war-worn charger, while sporting in peaceful platns, if by chance lie hear the strains of mar- NEW YORK. 171 t"al music, pricks up his ears, and snorts and paws, and kindles at the noise : so did the heroic soul of the mighty Peter joy to hear the clangour of the trumpet ; for of him might truly be said what was recorded of the renowntd St. George of England — " there was nothing in all the world that more rejoiced his heart, than to hear the pleasant sound of war, and see the soldiers brandish forth their steeled weapons." Casting his eyes more kindly, therefore, upon the sturdy Van Corlear, and finding him to be a jolly, fat little man, shrewd in his discourse, yet of great discretion and immeasurable wind, he straightway conceived a vast kindness for him, and discharging him from the troublesome duty of garrisoning, and defending, and alarming the city, ever after retaining him about his person, as his chief favourite, contidential envoy, and trusty squire. Instead of disturbing the city with disastrous notes, he was instructed to play so as to delight the governor while at his repasts, as did the minstrels of yore in the days of glorious chivalry — and on all public occa- sions to rejoice the ears of the people with warlike melody ; thereby keeping alive a noble and martial spirit. Many other alterations and reformations, both for the better and for the worse, did the governor make, of which my time will not serve me to record the particulars j suffice it to say, he soon contrived to make the province feel that he was its master, and treated the sovereign people with such tyranhical rigour, that they were all fain to hold their tongues, stay at home, and attend to their business ; insomuch that party feuds and distinctions were almost forgotten, and many thriving keepers of taverns and dram- shops were utterly ruine this mighty man of Rhodes, like a second Ajax, strong in arms, potent in the field, and as great a scholar as though he had been educated amoug that learned people of Thrace, who, Aristotle assures us, could not count beyond the number four. But whatever might be the threatening aspect of this famous confederation, Peter Stuyvesant was not a man to be kept in a i;tate of incertitude and vague apprehension ; he liked nothing so much as to meet danger tii.ce to face, and take it by the beard. Determined, therefore, to puj an end to ail tliese petty maraudings on the borders, he wrote two. or three categorical letters to tlie grand council; which, tnough neither couched ui bad Latin, nor yet graced • Haz. Col. Stilt. Pap, NEW YORK. 173 by rhetorical tropes about wolves and lambs, and beetle- flies, yet had more effect than all the elaborate epistles, protests, and proclamations of his learned predecessor put together. In consequence of his urg^ent propositions, the great confederacy of the east agreed to enter into a final adjustment of grievances and settlement of boundaries, to the end that a perpetual and happy peace might take place between the two powers. For this purpose Governor Stuyvesant deputed two ambassadors to negociate with commissioners from the grand council of the league, and a treaty was solemnly concluded at Hartford. On receiving the intelligence of this event, the whole community was in an uproar of exultation. The trumpet of the sturdy Van Corlear sounded all day with joyful clangour from the ramparts of Fort Amsterdam, and at night the city was magnificently illuminated with two bundled and fifty tallow candles 5 besides a barrel of tar, which was burned before the governor's house, on the cheering aspect of public afli'airs. And now my worthy reader is, doubtless, like the great and good Peter, congratulating himself with the idea, that his feelings will no longer be molested by afflicting details of stolen horses, broken heads, impounded hogs, and all the other catalogue of heart-rending cruelties, that dis- giaced these border wars. But if he should indulge in such expectations, it is a proof that he is but little versed in the paradoxical ways of cabinets ; to convince him of which, 1 solicit his serious attention to my next chapter, wherein I will shew that Peter Stuyvesant has already committed a great error in politics ; and by effecting a peace, has materially jeopardized the tranquillity of the provuice 174 HISTORY OF CHAP. III. (Containing various Spccidationx on War .and Negocia- tions — shewing that a Treah/of Peace is a great national Evil. It was the opinion of that poetical philosopher, Lucre- tius, that war was the original state of man ; whom lie de- scribed as being primitively a savage beast of prey, engaged in a constant state of hostility wilh his own species, and that this ferocious spirit was tamed and ameliorated by society. The same opinion has been advocated by the learned Hobbes*, nor have there been wanting many other philosophers to admit and defend it. For my part, though prodigiously fond of these valuable speculations, so complimentary to human nature, yet, in this instance, I am inclined to take the proposit'ion by halves, believing with Horace-|-, that though war may have been originally the favourite amusement and indus- trious employment of our progenitors j yet, like many other excellent habits, so far from being ameliorated, it has been cultivated and confirmed by refinement and civi- lization, and increases in exact proportion as we approach towaids that state of perfection, which is the ne plus ultra of modern philosophy. The first conflict between man and man was the mere exertion of physical force, unaided by auxiliary weapons —his arm was his buckler, his fist was his mace, and a broken head the catastrophe of his encounters. The battle of unassisted strength was succeeded by the more rugged ones of stones and clubs, and war assumed a sanguinary aspect. As man advanced in refinement, as his faculties expanded, and his sensibilities became more exquisite, he grew rapidly more ingenious and experienced in the art if murdering his fellow beings. He invented a thousand devices to defend and to assault — the helmet, the cuirass • Hobbes' Leviathan, part i, chap. 13. t Cum prorepserunt primis animalia lerris, Miitiim ac tuipe pecus. glaiidem atque tubilia piopter, Ciii^uibiis et pii^^uis, deiu f'u:«tibus, atque ita pui lo Tuguabaut arniis, qua; post I'abricaverat iisus. Hor. Sat. L. i. S. 3 NEW YORK. 175 and the buckler, the sword, the dart, and ihe javelin, pre- pared him to elude the wound, as well as to launch the blow. Still urging on, in the brilliant and philanthropic career of invention, he enlarges and heightens his powers, of defence and injury. — ^The aries, the scorpio, the balista, and the catapulta, give a horror and sublimity to war ; and magnify its glory, by increasing its desolation. Still insatiable, though armed with machinery that seemed to reach the limits of destructive invention, and to yield a power of injury, commensurate even with the desires of revenge — still deeper researches must be made in the diabolical arcana. With furious zeal he dives into the bowels of the earth; he toils midst poisonous minerals and deadly salts — the sublime discovery of gunpowder blazes upon the world — and, finally, the dreadful art of fighting by proclamation seems to endow the demon of war with ubiquity and omnipotence! This, indeed, is grand I — this, indeed, marks the powers of mind, and bespeaks that divine endowment of reason, which distinguishes us from the animals, our inferiors. The vmenlightened brutes content themselves with the native force which Providence has assigned them. The angry bull butts with his horns, as did his progenitors before him — the lion, the leopard, and the tyger, seek only vvith their talons and their fangs to gratify their sanguinary fury ; and even tlie subtle serpent darts the same venom, and uses the same wiles, as did his sire before the flood. Man alone, blessed with the inventive mind, goes on from discovery to discovery — enlarges and multiplies his powers of destruction; arrogates the tremendous weapons of Deity itself, and tasks creation to assist him in murdering his brother worm ! In proportion as the art of war has increased in im- provement, has the art of preserving peace advanced in equal ratio ; and as we have discovered, in this age of wonders and inventions, that proclamation is the most formidable engine in war, so have we discovered the no less ingenious mode of maintaining peace by perpetual negociations. A treaty, or to speak more correctly, a negociation, therefore, according to the acceptation of experienced statesmen, learned in these matters, is no longer an at- ti^mpt to accommodate differences, to ascertain rights, ane province of New Ne- therlands ; where he might be tried by his peers, in a manner worthy of his rank and dignity — whereas, let me perish, if they did not send to the Manhattoes two lean- sided hungry pettifoggers, mounted on Narraganset pacers, with saddle bags under the bottoms, and green satchels under their arms, as though they were about to beat the hoof from one country court to another in seaich fa law-suit. R 2 '84 IIIST09V OP The chivalric Peter, as might be expected, took no no .ce of these cunning va.lets ; who, with pJofession^ parte ev.dencej perplexing divers simple Indians and old IZT' "h ''f '^'"'" "T q»««^io"i°^> ""til they had contra- dicted and forswore themselves most horribly, as is too often done in our courts of justice. Thus havi^ig fulfilled their errand to their own satisfaction, they returiud to the grand council with their satchels and saddle bags slufj^ed .^iL '''".^•"""^ rumours, apocryphal stories, and out- cafe a' .^-If '"'»"'^--f-'- -» «'Wch the great Peter did not caie a tobacco stopper ; but, I warrant me, had thev TestT ri " ""l^f ^'^ '''^™^ ^'•'^•'^ "P«" William the Testy, he would have treated them both to an aerial gambol on his patent gallows. . The grand council of the east held a very solemn meet ing on the return of their envoys, and afte, thevZd non dered a lo»g time on the situation of affairs were upon any liung At this critical moment one of these meddle some, HKlefatigable spirits, who endeavour to est^>n.1 t calumniating all his opponents : he, I say, conSi vecl his a ht opportunity to strike a blow thit ^lm„M t! , Christendom, excepti.ig the Scotch horde nobles Like NEW YORK. 185 not, like themselves, for the enjoyment of liberty of con- science — who, in short, were a race of mere cannabals and antlnopophagi, inasmuch as they never eat cod fish on Saturdays, devoured swine's flesh without molasses, and held pumpkins in utter contempt. This speech had the desired effect ; for the council, be- ing awakened by the serjeant-at-arms, rubbed theii* eyes, and declared that it was just and politic to declare instant war against these unchristian antipumpkinites. But it was necessary that the people at large should first be prepared for this measure, and for this purpose the arguments of the orator were preached from the pulpit for several Sun- days subsequent, and earnestly recommended to the con- sideration of every good Christian, who professed as well as practised, the doctrine of meekness, charity, and the forgiveness of injuries. This is the first time we hear of the *' Drum Ecclesiastic" beating up for political recruits in our country ; and it proved of such signal efficacy that it has since been called into frequent service throughout our Union. A cunning politician is often found skulking under the clerical robe, with an outside all religion, and an inside all political rancour. Things spiritual and things temporal are strangely jumbled together, like poisons and antidotes on an apothecary's shelf ; and instead of a devout sermon, the simple church-going folk have often a political pamphlet thrust down their throats, labelled with a pious text from Suripture. CHAP. V. How the New-Amsterdammers became great in arms, and of the direful catastrophe of a mighty Army — toge- ther with Peter StuyvesanVs measure to fortify the City —and how he was the original Founder of the Battery. But notwithstanding that the grand council, as I have already shown, were amazingly discreet in their proceed- ings respecting the New Netherlands, and conducted the whole with almost as much silence and mystery as does the sage British cabinet one of its ill-starred secret expedi- tions— yat did the ever-watchful Peter receive as full and 186 ?5lISTORV CI? accurate information of every movement as does the court of France of all the notable enterprises 1 have mentioned. •—He accordingly set himself to work, to render the ma- chinations of his bitter adversaries abortive. I know that many will censure the precipitation of this stout-hearted old governor, in that he hurried into the expeitces of fortification, without ascertaining whether they were necessary, by prudently waiting until the enemy was at the door. But they should recollect that Peler Stuyvesaut had not the benefit of an Insight into the modern arcana of politics, and was strangely bigoted to certain obsolete maxims of the old school ; among which he tirmly believed, that, to render a country respecfed abroad, it was necessary to make it formidable at home ; and that a nation should place its reliance for j)eace and security, more upon its own strength, than on the justice or good-will of its neighbours. — He proceeded, therefore, with all diligence, to put the provmce and metropolis in a strong posture of defence. Among the few remnants of ingenious inventions which remained from the days of Willi im the Testy, were those impregnable bulwarks of public safety, militia laws; by which ihe inhabitants were obliged to turn out twice a year, with such military equipments — as it pleased God ; and were put under the command of very valiant tailors and man-milliners, who, though on ordinary occasions the meekest, pippin-hearted little men in the world, were very devils at parades and court martials, when they had cocked hats on their heads, and swords by their sides. Under the instruction of these periodical warriors, the gallant train-bauds made marvellous proficiency in the mystery of gun}>ovTder. They were taught to face to the right, to wheel to the left, to snap off empty firelocks without wmking, to turn a corner without any great up- roar or irregularity, and to march through sun and rain from one end of the town to the other without flinching, until in the end they became so valorous that they fired ofl" blank cartridges, without so much as turning away their heads — could hear the largest field-piece discharged, witbo'Jt stopping their ears, or falling into much confu- sion ; and would even go through all the fatigues and perils of a summer day's parade, without having their laiiks much thinned by desertion I NEW YOUK. 187 True it is, the genius of this truly pacific people was so little ofiveu to war, that, during the inteivals which occurred hetween field days, they generally contrived to forget all the military tuition they had received ; so that when they re-appeared on parade, they scarcely knew the buttend of the musket from the muzzle, and invariably mistook the right shoulder for the left — a mistake which, however, was soon obviated by chalking their left arms. But whatever might be their blunders and awkwardness, the sagacious Kieft declared them to be of but little im- portance — since, as he judiciously observed, one cam- paign would be of more instruction to them than a hun- dred parades ; for though two-thirds of them might be food for powder, yet such of the other third as did not run away would become most experienced veterans. The great Stuyvesant had no particular veneration for the ingenious experiments and institutions of his shrewd predecessor, and among other things, held the militia system in very considerable contempt, which he was often heard to call in joke — for he was sometimes fond of a joke — Governor Kieft's broken reed. As, however, the present emergency was pressing, he was obliged to avail himself of such means of defence as were next at hand, and accordingly appointed a general inspection and parade of the train-bands. But, oh ! Mars and Bellona, and all ye other powers of war, both great and small, what a turning out was here ! — Here came men without oflScers, and officers without men — long fowling-pieces and short blunderbusses — muskets of all sorts and sizes, some without bayonets, others without locks, others with- out stocks, and many without lock, stock, or barrel. — Cartridge-boxes, shot-belts, powder-horns, swords, hatchets snicker-snees, crow-bars, and broomsticks, all mingled higgledy piggledy — like one of our continental armies at the breaking out of the revolution. This sudden transformation of a pacific community into a band of warriors is, doubtless, what is meant in modern days, by " putting a nation in armour," and " fixing it in an attitude." In which armour and attitude it makes as martial a figure, and likely to acquit itself with as much prowess, as the renowned Sancho Pan^a, when suddenly equipped to defend his Island of Barataria. The sturdy Peter eyed this ragged regimtnl with some' *^S HISTORY OF such .uefu aspect as a man would eye the devil : but knowing, hke a wise man, that all he had to do was to njake the best out of a bad bargain, he determined to give 1.1 T^k"" reasoning. Having, therefore, drilled them through the manual exercise over and over again he ordered he tifes to strike up a quick march, and^'uVed his sturdy boots backwards and forwards about the streets of New Amsterdam, and the fields adjacent, until heh short legs ached and their fat sides sweated ^gain. Bu thi. was not all; the martial spirit of the old governor caught hre from the sprightly music of the fife Ind Z a taste of the hardships of iron war. To this end he encamped them, as the shades of evening fell, upon a hill formerly called Bunker's Hill, at some distance fVom the town, with a full intention of initiating them into the dis- cipline of camps, and of renewing thf next day the to s and perils of the field. But so it came to pas J that . the night there fell a great and heavy raii^ «hi^h 'de scended in torrents upon the camp, and the migh y army strangely melted away before it 3 so that wlfen Gaff^ Phoebus came to shed his morning beams upon the place saving Peter Sluyvesant and his trumpeter Van Cor 1 ear' scarce one was to be found of all the multitude th^ ha^l encamped there the night before. This awful dissolution of his army would have appalled a commander of less nerve than Peter Stuyvesant': but he considered it as a matter of but small importance hough he henceforward regarded the militia syst'im with ten imes greater contempt than ever, and took care n provide himself with a good garrison of chosen men, whom he kept mpay; of whom he boasted, that they at S S:;l>'^ ^"^''^^' ^^''P^-»^»^ in soldier Jof^b^^ The next care of the vigilant Stuy vesant was to strenghten and fortify New Amsterdam. For this purpose he cfuseS s'land f ' ' '''""^ picket-fence, thnt i^eached across he island, fvom river to river, being intended to protect he city, not merely from the sudden invasions'^of fo e^n enemies, but l.kewi.e from the incursions of th^ neighbo fr" ing savages* "ci^uuoui- ".c ^ -;!ff J^T^;!S;^s-S!:i/^i; »;;iy:ii-|- NtW YORK. 189 Some traditions, it is true, have ascribed the building of this wall to a later period, but they are wholly incor- rect •, for a memorandum in the Sluyvesant manuscript, dated towards the middle of the governor's reign, men- tions this wall particularly, as a very strong and curious piece of workmanship, and the admiration of all the savages in the neighbourhood. And it mentions, more- over, the alai ming circumstance of a drove of stray cows breaking through the grand wall of a dark night ; by which the whole community of New Amsterdam was thrown into a terrible panic. In addition to this great wall, he cast up several out- works to Fort Amsterdam, to protect ihe sea-board at the point of the island. These consisted of formidable mud- batteries, solidly faced, after the manner of the Dutch ovens, common in those days, with clam-shells. These frowning bulwarks, in process of time, came to bo pleasantly overrun by a verdant carpet of grass and clover, and their high embankments overshadowed by wide-spreading sycamores, among whose foliage the little birds sported about, rejoicing the ear with their melodious notes. The old burghers would repair of an afternoon to smoke their pipes under the shade of their branches, con- templating the goldent sun as he gradually sunk into the west — an emblem of that tranquil end toward which them- selves were hastening j while the young men and the damsels of the town would take many a moonlight stroll among these favourite haunts, watching the silver beams of chaste Cynthia tremble along the calm bosom of the bay, or light up the while sail of some gliding bark, and interchange the honest vows of constant affection. Such was the origin of that renowned walk, The Battel'?/, which, though ostensibly devoted to the purposes of war, has ever been consecrated to the sweet delights of |)eace — the favourite walk of declining age — the healthful resort of the feeble invalid — the Sunday refreshment of iiloiig- llip course of Wull Street, so called in commemoration of tnis threat bulwark. One gate, called the Land-Foort, opened upon Broad- way, iiavd by where at present stands the Trinity Church ; and another called the Water-Poort stood about where the Tontine Cotfee-house is at present, opening: upon Smits VJeye, or, as it is com- monly called, Smith Fly, then a marshy valley, with a creek or inlet extending np what we call Maiden Lane. 190 mSTOHY OF the dusty tradesman— the scene of luauy a boyish gam- bol—the rendezvous of many a tender assignation — the comfort of the citizen — the ornament of New-York — and the pride of the lovely island of Mannahata. CHAP. VI. How the People of the East Country were suddenly afflicted with a diabolical evil — and their judicious measures- for tlie extirpation thereof. Having thus provided for the temporary security of New Amsterdam, and guarded it against any sudden sur- prise, the gallant Peter took a hearty pinch of snuff, and snapping his fingers, set the great council of Amphyctions and their champion the doughty Alicxsauder Partridg at defiance. It is impossible to say, notwithstanding, what might have been the issue of this afi'air, had not the council been all at once involved in sad perplexity, and as much dissension sown among its members, as of yore was stirred up in the camp of the brawling warriors of Greece. The council of the league, as I have shown in my last chapter, had already announced its hostile determinations, and already was the mighty colony of New-Haven and the puissant town of Pyquag, otherwise called Weathers- field — famous for its onions and witches — and the great trading house of Hartford, and all the other redoubtable border towns, in a prodigious turmoil, furbishing up their rusty fowling-pieces, and shouting aloud for war j by which they anticipated easy conquests and gorgeous spoils from the little fat Dutch villages. But this joyous brawl- ing was soon silenced by the conduct of the colony of Massachusetts, Struck with the gallant spirit of the brave old Peter, and convinced by the chivahic frankness and heroic warmth of his vindication, they refused to believe him guilty of the infamous plot most wrongfully laid at his door. With a generosity for which I would yield them immortal honour, they declared that no determination of the grand council of the league should bind the general NEW \ORK. 191 court of Massachusetts to join in an offensive war, whiclj should appear to such general court to be unjust.* This refusal immediately involved the colony of Mas- sachusetts, and the other combined colonies, in very serious difficulties and disputes ; and would no doubt have produced a dissolution of the confederacy, but that the council of Amphyctions, finding that they could not stand alone, if mutilated by the loss of so important a member as Massachusetts, were fain to abandon for the present their hostile machinations against the Manhattoes. Such is the marvellous energy and the puissance of those confederacies, composed of a number of sturdy, self-willed, discordant parts, loosely banded together by a puny general government. As it was, however, the warlike towns of Connecticut liad no cause to deplore this disap- pointment of their martial ardour ; for by my faith — though the combined powers of the league might have been too potent, in the end, for the robustous warriors of the Manhattoes ; yet, in the interim, would the lion-hearted Peter and his myrmidons have choaked the stomachful heroes of Pyquag with their own onions, and have given the other little border-towns such a scouring, that I warrant they would have had no stomach to squat on the land, or invade the hen-roost of a New Nederlander for a century to come. Indeed there was more than one cause to divert the attention of the good people of the east from their hostile purposes ; for just about this time were they horribly beleagured and harassed by the inroads of the prince of darkness, divers of whose liege subjects they detected lurking within their camp, all of whom they incontinently roasted as so many spies and dangerous enemies. Not to speak in parables, we are informed, that at this juncture, the New England provinces were exeedingly troubled by multitudes of losel witches, who wrought strange devices to beguile and distress the multitude-, and notwithstanding numerous judicious and bloody laws had been enacted against all "solemn conversing or compacting with the divil, by way of conjuracion or the like,f " yet did the dark crime of witchcraft continue to increase to an alarm- ing degree that would almost transcend belief, were not * Haz. Col. S. Pap. + New Plyiooutli Record. 192 HISTORY OF the fact too well authenticated to be even doubled for an instant. What is particularly worthy of admiration is, that this terrible art, which so long has baffled the painful researches and abtruse studies of philosophers, astrologers, alchymists, theurgists, and other sages, was chiefly confined to the most ignorant, decrepid, and ugly old women in the community, who had scarcely more brains than the broom- sticks they rode upon. Where they first acquired their infernal education — whether from the works of the ancient theurgists — the demonology of the Egyptians — the belomancy, or divination by arrows, of the Scythians — the spectrology of the Germans — the magic of the Persians — the enchantment of the Laplanders — or from the archives of the dark and mysterious caverns of the Dom Daniel- is a question pregnant with many learned and ingenious doubts 5 particularly as most of them were totally unversed in the occult mysteries of the alphabet. When once an alarm is sounded, the public, who love dearly to be in a panic, are not long in want of proofs to support it. Raise but the cry of yellow fever, and immediately every head-ach, and indigestion, and overflow- ing of the bile, is pronounced the terrible epidemic. In like manner, in the present instance, whoever was troubled with a colic or lumbago was sure to be bewitched, and woe to any unlucky old woman that lived in his neighbourhood. Such a howling abomination could not be suftered to remain long unnoticed, and it accordingly soon attracted the fiery indignation of the sober and leflective part of the community, more especially of those, who, whilome, had evinced so much active benevolence in the conversion of quakcrs and anabaptists. The grand council of the Amphyctions publicly set their faces against so deadly and dangerous a sin, and a severe scrutiny took place after those nefarious witches, who were easily detected by devil's pinches, black cats, broomsticks, and the circumstance of their only being able to weeu three tears, and those out of the left eye. It is incredible the number of offences that were detected, " for every one of which," says the profound and reverend Cotton Mather, in that excellent work, the History of New Englanil — " we have such a sufficient evidence that NEW YORK. » 193 no reasonable man in this whole conntry ever did question tliem ; and it will be unreasonable to do it in aay other y Indeed, that authentic and judicious historian, John lossclyn, Gent, furnishes us with unquestionalde facts on vhis subject. " There are none," observes he, " that beg' in this country, but there be witches too many — bottle- beUied witclies, and others, that produce many strange apparitions, if you will believe a report of a shallop at sea, manned with women, and of a ship and great red horse standing by the mainmast ; the ship being in a small cove to the eastward vanished of a sudden," &c. The number of delinquents, however, and their magical devices, were not more remarkable than their diabolical obstinacy. Though exhorted in the most solemn, persua- sive, and affectionate manner, to confess themselves guilty, and be burnt for the good of religion and the entertain- ment of the public, yet did they most pertinaciously persist in asserting their innocence. Such incredible obstinacy was in itself deserving of immediate punishment, and was sufficient proof, if proof were nccessarj^, that they were in league with the devil, who is perverseness itself. But their judges were just and merciful, and were determined to punish none that were not convicted on the best of testimony; not that they needed any evidence to satisfy their own minds, for, like true and experienced judges, their minds were perfectly made up, and they were thoroughly satisfied of the guilt of the prisoners, before they proceeded to try them; but still something was necessary to convince the community at large — to quiet those prying quidnuncs who should come after them ; in short, the world must be satisfied. Oh the world, the world ! — all the world knows the world of trouble the world is eternally occasioning '.—The wortiiy judges, there- fore, were driven to the necessity of sifting, detecting, and making evident as noon-day matters which were at the connnencement all clearly understood and firmly decided upon in their own pericraniums ; so that it may truly be said, that the witches were burned to gratify the populace of the day, but were tried for the satisfaction of the whole world that should come after them ! Finding, therefore, that neither exhortation, sound * Mather's Hist. New Eng-. b. vi. ch. 7. k 194 HISTORY Of reason, nor friendly entreaty, had any avail on these hardened offenders, they resorted to the more urgent arsru- ments of the torture ; and having thus ahsolutely wrung tlie truth from their stubborn lips, they condemned them to undergo the roasting due unto the heinous crimes they had confessed. Some even carried their perverseness so far as to expire under the torture, protesting their innocence to the last; but these were looked upon as thoroughly and absolutely possessed by the devil, and the pious by- standers only lamented that they had not lived a little longer to have perished in the flames. In the city of Ephesus, we are told, that the plague was expelled by stoning a ragged old beggar to death, whom Apollonius pointed out as being the evil spirit that caused it, and who actually showed himself to be a demon, by changing into a shaggy dog. In like manner, and by measures equally sagacious, a salutary check was given to this growing evil. The witches were all burned, banished, or panic-struck, and in a little while there was not an ugly old woman to be found throughout New England, which is doubtless one reason why all the young women there are so handsome. Those honest folk who had suffered from their incantations gradually recovered, excepting such as had been afflicted with twitches and aches, which, however, assumed the less alarming aspects of rheumatisms, sciatics, and lumbagos ; and the good people of New England, abandoning the study of the occult sciences, turned their attention to the more profitable hocus pocus of trade, and soon became expert in the legerdemain art of turning a penny. Still, however, a tinge of the old leaven is discernible, even unto this day, in their characters ; witches occasionally start up among them in different disguises, as physicians, civilians, and divines. The people at large show a keenness, a cleverness, and a profundity of wisdom, that savours strongly of witchcraft ; and it has been remarked, that whenever any stones fall from the moon, the greater part of them are sure to tumble into New England. NEW YORK. 195 CHAP. VII. Whicn records the rise and renown of a valiant Com- mander ; shewing that a Man, like a bladdery may be puffed up to greatness and importunce by mere wind. When treating of those tempestuous times, the unknown writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into a vehement apostrophe, in praise of the good St. Nicholas ; to whose protecting care he entirely ascribes the strange dissensions that broke out in the council of the Amphyc- tions, and the direful witchcraft that prevailed in the east comitry ; whereby the hostile machinations against the Nederlanders wei'e for a time frustiated, and his favourite city of New-Amsterdam preserved from imminent peril and deadly warfare. Daikness and louring superstition hung over the fair valleys of the east — the pleasant banks of the Connecticut no longer echoed with the sounds of rustic gaiety — direful phantoms and portentous apparitions were seen in tlie air— gliding spcctrums haunted every wild brook and dreary glen— strange voices made by view- less forms, were heard in desert solitudes — and the border, towns were so occupied in detecting and punishing the knowing old women that had produced these alarming appearances, that for a while the province of Nieuw Nederlandts and its inhabitants were totally forgotten. The great Peter, therefore, finding that nothing was to be immediately apprehended from his eastern neighbours, turned himself about, with a praise-worlhy vigilance that ever distinguished him, to put a stop to the insults of the Swedes. These freebooters, my attentive reader will recollect, had begun to be very troublesome towards the latter part of the reign of William the Teh>ty, having set the proclamations of that doughty little governor at naught, and put the intrepid Jan Jansen Alpendam to a perfect nonplus! Peter Stuyvesant, however, as has already been shown, was a governor of different habits and turn of mind. Without more ado, he immediately issued orders for aising a corps of troops to be stationed on the southern frontier, under the command of brigadier-general Jacobus s 2 193 HISTORY OF Von Poft'enl)ur2;li. This illustrious warrior had risen lo great iini)ortancc tluring the reign of Wilhelmus Kieft ; and, it" histories speak true, was second in command to the hapless Van Cinlet, when he and his ragged regiment were inhumanly kicked out of Fort Good Hope by the Yankees. In consequence of having been in such a " memorable aflair," aiwJ of having received more wounds on a certain honourable part, that shall be nameless, than any of his comrades, he was ever after considered as a heio, who had " seen some service." Certain it is, he enjoyed the imlimiled confidence and friendship of William the Testy , who would sit for hours, aufl listen with wonder to his gun- powder narratives of surprising victories— iie had never gained ; and dreadful battles — from which he had run away ; and the governor was once heard to declare, that had he lived in ancient times, he might unquestionably have claimed the armour of Achilles — being not merely like Ajax, a mighty blustering man of battle ; but in the cabinet a second Ulysses, that is to say, very valiant of speech, and long winded — all which, as nobody in New- Amsterdam knew aught of the ancient heroes in question, passed totally uncontradicted. It was tropically observed by honest old Socrates, that heaven had infused into some men at th.eir birth a portion of intellectual gold ; into others, of intellectual silver ; while others were bounteously furnished out with abun- dance of brass and iron. Now, of this last class was undoubtedly the great General Von PofFenburgh, and, from the display he continually made thereof, I am inclined to think that dame Nature, who will sometimes be partial, had blessed him with enough of those valuable materials to have fitted up a dozen ordinary braziers. But what is most to be admired is, that he contrived to pass off all his brass and copper upon Wilhelmus Kieft, who was no great judge of base coin, as pure and genuine gold. The con- sequence was, that upon the resignation of Jacobus Van Curlet, who, after the loss of Fort Goed Hoop, retired like a veteran general, to li^e under the shade of his laurels, the mighty "copper captain" was promoted to his station. This he tilled with great importance, always styling him- self " commander-in-chief of the armies of the New Netherlandish" though, to tell the truth, the armies, or NEW YORK. 197 rather army, consisted of a handful of lien-steal iiig, bottle- bruising ragamuffins. Such was the character of the warrior appointed by Peter Stuyvesant to defend his southern frontier 5 nor may it be uninteresting to my reader to have a glimpse of his person. He was not very tall, but notwithstanding, a huge full-bodied man, whose bulk did not so much arise from his being fat as windy 5 being so completely inflated with his own importance, that he resembled one of those bags of wind which J^olus, in an incredible fit of generosity, gave to that wandering warrior Ulysses. His dress comported with this character, for he had almost as much brass and copper without, as Nature had stored away within. His coat was crossed and slashed, and carbonadoed with stripes of copper lace, and swathed round the body with a crimson sash, of the size and texture of a fishing net, doubtless to keep his valiant heart from bursting through bis ribs. His head and whiskers were profusely powdered, from the midst of which his full blooded face glowed like a fiery furnace 5 and his magnaminous soul seemed ready to bounce out at a pair of large glassy blinking eyes, which projected like those of a lobster. I swear to thee, worthy reader, if report belie not this warrior, I would give all the money in my pocket to nave seen him accoutred cap-a-pie in martial array — booted to the middle — sashed to the chin — collared to the ears — whiskered to the teeth — crowned with an overshadowing cocked hat, and girded with a leathern belt ten inches broad, fiom which trailed a falchion, of a length that 1 dare not mention. Thus equipped, he strutted about as bitter looking a man of war as the far famed More of More- Hall, when he sallied forth, armed at all points, to slay the dragon of Wantley.* Notwithstanding all the great endowments and trans- " " Had you but seen him in this dress, How fierce he looked and how big-; You would have thought him for to be Some Egyptian Portiipig. " He frighted all, cats dogs and all, Each cow, each horse, and each hog ; For fear they did flee, for they took him to be Some strange outlandish hedge-liog." Ballad of Drag, of W'aut. 198 HISTORY OF cendant qiialiiies of this reiiowiiefl j^rncral, I must con- fess he was not exactly the kind of man tliat the pfallant Peter would have chosen to command his troops— but the truth is, that in those days the pro\ince did not abound, as at present, in great military characters ; who, like so many Cincinnatuses, people every little village — mar- shalling out cabbages instead of soldiers, and signalizing themselves in the corn-field instead of the field of battle : who have surrendered the toils of war for the more useful but inglorious arts of peace ! and so blended the laurel with the olive, that you may have a general for a landlord, a colonel for a stage-driver, and your horse shod by a valiant "captain of volunteers." — Neither had Peter Stuyvesant an opportunity of choosing, like modern rulers, from a loyal band of editors of newspapers — no mention being made in the histories of the times of any such class of mercenaries being retained in pay by government, either as trumpeters, champions, or body guards. The redoubt- able General Von PoflTenburgh, therefore, was appointed to the command of the new levied troops, chiefly because there were no competitors for the station, and partly because it would have been a breach of military etiqr.ette, to have appointed a younger officer over his head-— an injustice which the great Peter would have rather died than have committed. No sooner did this thrice valiant copper captain receive marching oiders, than he conducted his army undauntedly to the southern frontier ; through wild lands and savage deserts, over insurmountable mountains, across impassable flood."!, and through impenetrable forests ; encountering more perils, according to his own account, than did ever the great Xenophon in his far famed retreat with his ten thousand Grecians. All this accomplished, he established ou the South (or Delaware) river a redoubttible redoubt, named Fort Casimir, in honour of a favourite pair of brimstone-C(doured trunk breeches of the governor. As this fort will be found to give rise to very important and interesting events, it may be worth while to notice, that it was afterwards called Nieuw-Amstel, and was the original germ of the present flourishing (own of New-Castle, an appellation erroneously substituted for No Castle, th'erc neither being nor never having been a castle or any thing of the kind upon the piemists. NEW YORK. 199 The Swjdcs did not sufier tamely this menacing move- ment of the Nederlanders ; on the contrary Jan Pi-intz, at that lime governor of New Sweden, issued a protest against what he termed an encroachment upon his jurisdiction. But the vahant Von Poffenburgh had become too well versed in the nature of proclamations and protests, while he served under William the Testy, to be in any wise daunted by such paper warfare. His fortress being finished, it would have done any man's heart good lo beh'^ld into what a magnitude he immediately swelled. He would stride in and out a dozen times a day, surveying it in front and in rear j on this side and on that. — Then would he dress himself in full regimentals, and strut backwards and forwards, for hours together, on the top of his little rampart — like a vain-glorious cock-pigeon vapouring on the top of his coop. In a word, unless my readers have noticed, with curious eye, the petty commander of one of our little, snivelling, military posts, swelling with all the vanity of new regimentals, and the pomposity derived from commanding a handful of tatterdemalions, I despair of giving them any adequate idea of the prodigious dignity of General Von Poffenburgh. It is recorded in the delectable romance of Pierce Forest, that a young knight, being dubbed by king Alexander, did incontinently gallop into an adjoining forest, and be- laboured the trees with such might and main that the whole covut was convinced that he was the most potent and cou *nojeous gentleman on the face of the earth. In like manner liie great Von Poffenburgh would ease off that valorous spleen, which like wind is so apt to grow unruly in the stomachs of new made soldiers, impelling them to box-lobby brawls, and broken headed quarrels.-.-For at such tmies, when he found his martial spirit waxing hot within him, he wouUl prudently sally forth into the fields, and lugging out his trusty sabre, would lay about him most lustily, decapitating cabbages by platoons ; hewing down whole phalanxes of sun-flowers, which he termed gigantic Swedes 5 and if, peradventure, he espied a colony of' honest big-belled pumpkins quietly basking themselves in the sun, ♦* Ah, caitiff Yankees," would he roar, " have 1 caught ye at last '." — so saying, with one sweep of his sword, he would cleave the unhappy vegetables from their chins to their waistbands : by which warlike havoc las 200 HISTORY OF caoler being m some sort allayed, he would return lo his gairison with a full conviction, that he was a very miracle ot military prowess. The next ambition of General Von PofFenburgh was to be thought a strict disciplinarian. Well knowing that discipline is the soul of all military enterprise, he enforced it with the most rigorous precision ; obliging every mai. to turn out his toes, and hold up his head on parade ; and prescribing the breadth of their ruffles to all such as had any shirts to their backs. Having one day, in the course of his devout researches in the Bible (for the pious ^neas himself could not exceed him in outward religion,) encountered the history of Absalom and his melancholy end, the general, in an evil hour, issued orders for cropping the hair of both officers and men throughout the garrison. Now it came to pass, that among his officers was one Kilderraeester; a sturdy veteran who liad cherished, through the course of a long life, a rugged mop of hair, not a little resembling the shag of a Newfoundland dog ; terminating m ith an im- moderate queue, like the handle of a frying-pan 5 and queued so tightly to his head, that his eyes and mouth generally stood ajar, and his eyebrows were drawn up to the top of his forehead. It may naturally be supposed that the possessor of so goodly an appendage would resist with abhorrence an order condemning it to the shears- Samson himself could not have held his locks more sacred— and on hearing the general oi-ders, he discharged a tempest of veteran, soldier-like oaths, pnd dunder and blixums — swore he would break any man's head who attempted to meddle with his tail — queued it stiffer than ever, and whisked it about the garrison as fiercely as the tail of a crocodile. The eeUskin queue of old Kildermeester became in- stantly an affair of the utmost importance. The com- mander-in-chief was too enlightened an officer not to perceive that the discipline of the garrison, the subordina- tion and good order of the armies of the Nieuw Nedcr- landts, the consequent safety of the whole province, and ultimately the dignity and prosperity of their high mighti- nesses, the lords states-general, but above all, the dignity of the great General Von Poflenburgh— all imperiously demanded the docking of that stubborn queue. iJc there- NEW YORK. 201 fore determined that old Kildermeester slionld be publicly shorn of his glories in presence of the whole garrison— the old man as resolutely stood on the defensive — whereupon the general, as became a great mm, was highly exasperated, and the offender was arrested and tried by a court martial for mutiny, desertion, and all the other list of offences noticed in the articles of war, ending with a " videlicet, in wearing an eel-skin queue, three feet long, contrary to orders." — Then came on arraignments, and trials, and pleadings, and the whole country was in a ferment about this unfortunate queue. As it is well known that the com- mander of a distant frontier post has the power of acting pretty much after his own will, there is little doubt but that the veteran would have been hanged, or shot at least, had he not luckily fallen ill of a fever, through mere chagrin and mortification — and most flagitiously deserted from earthly conmianil, with his beloved locks unviolated. His obstinacy remained unshaken to the very last moment, when he directed that he should be carried to his grave with his eel-skin queue sticking out of a hole in his coffin. This magnanimous affair obtained the general great credit as an excellent disciplinarian, but it is hinted that he was ever after subject to bad dreams, and fearful visitations in the night — when the grisly si»ect ruin of old Kiidcrmeester would stand sentinel by the bedside, erect as a pump, his enormous queue strutting out like the RND OF UOOK FIFia. 202 HISTORY OF BOOK SIXTH. CONTAINING THK SECOND PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS GALLANT ACHIEVEMENTS ON THE DELAWARE. CHAP. I. In which is exhibited a warlike Portrait of the great Peter — and how General Von Poffenhurgh distinguished himself at Fort Casimir. Hitherto, most venerable and courteous reader, liave I shown thee the administration of the valorous Stuyve- ant, under the mild moonshine of peace, or rathei- the g'rini tranquillity of awful expectation j but now the war-drum rumbles from afar, the brazen trumpet brays its thrilling note, and the rude clash of hostile arms speaks fearful prophecies of coming troubles. The gallant warrior starts from soft repose, from golden visions, and voluptuous ease; where, in the dulcet " piping time of peace," he sought sweet solace after all his toils. No more in beauty's siren lap reclined, he weaves fair garlands for his lady's brows ; no more entwines with flowers his shining sword ; nor through the livelong lazy summer's day chants forth hi^ love-sick soul in madrigals. To ujanhood roused, he spurns the amorous flute ; doff"s fiom iiis brawny back the robe of peace, and clothes his pampered limbs in panoply of steel. O'er his dark brow, where late the myrtle waved — where wanton roses breathed enervate love — he rears the beaming casque and nodding plume 5 grasps the bright shield, and shakes the ponderous lance 5 or mounts with eager pride his fiery steed, and burns for deeds of glorious chivalry ! But soft, worthy reader ! 1 would not have you imagine, that any preux chevalier thus hitleously begirt with iron, existed in the city of New-Amsterdam. This is but a lofty and gigantic mode in which heroic writers always talk of war, thereby to give it a noble and imjjosing aspect, equipping our warriors with bucklers, helms, and lances, and such like outlandish and obsolete weapons, the like NtVV YORK. 203 which perchance they had never seen or heard of; in the same maimer thai a cunning statuary arrays a modern general or an admiral in the accoutrements of a Caesar or an Alexander. The simple truth then of all this orato- rical flourish is this — that the valiant Peter Stuyvesant, all of a sudden, found it necessary to scour his trusty blude, which too long had rusted in its scabbard, and prepare himself to undergo those hardy toils of war, in which his mighty soul so much delighted, Methinks I at this moment behold him in my imagina- tion — or rather, I behold his goodly portrait, which still hangs up in the family mansion of theStuyvesanIs, arrayed in all the terrors of a true Dutch general. His regimental coat of German blue, gorgeously decorated wilh a goodly show of large brass buttons, reaching from his waistband to his chin. The volummous skirts turned up at the corners, and separating gallantly behind, so as to display the seat of a sumptuous pair of brimstone-coloured trunk breeches — a graceful style still prevalent among the warriors of our day, and which is in conformity to the custom of ancient heroes, who scorned to defend themselves in rear. His face rendered exceedingly terrible and warlike by a pair of black mustachios ; his hair strutting out on each side in stiffly pomatumed ear-locks, and descending in a rat-tail queue below his waist ; a shining stock of black leather supporting his chin, and a little, but fierce cocked hat stuck with a gallant and fiery air over his left eye. Such was the chivalric part of Peter the Headstrong ; and when he made a sudden halt, planting himself firmly on his solid supporter, with his wooden leg inlaid with silver, a little in advance, in order to strengthen his position, his right hand grasping a gold-headed cane, his left resting upon the pummel of his sword ; his head dressing, spiritedly to the right, with a most appalling and hard favoured frown upon his brow — he presented altogether one of the most commanding, bitter looking, and soldierlike figures, that ever strutted upon canvass. Proceed we now to enquire the cause of this warlike preparation. The encroaching disposition of the Sv/edes, on the south or Delaware river, has been duly recorded in the chronicles of the reign of William the Testy. These encroachments, having been endured with that heroic magnanimity which is the cornel- stone, or according to Aristotle, the left hand 204 HISTORY OF neighbour of true courage, had been repeated and wickedly aggravat.etl. The Swedes, who were of that class of cunning preten- ders to Christianity, who read the bible upside down, whenever it interferes with their interests, inverted the golden maxim ; and when their neighbour suffered them to smite him on the one cheek, they generally smote him on the other also, whether turned to them or not. Their repeated aggressions had been among the numerous sources of vexation that conspired to keep the irritable sensibilities of Wilhelmus Kieft in a constant fever ; and it was only owing to the unfortunate circumstance that he had always a hundred things to do at once, that he did not take such unrelenting vengeance as their offences merited. But they had now a chieftain of a different character to deal with; and they were soon guilty of a piece of treachery, that threw his honest blood in a ferment, and precluded all further sufferance. Printz, the governor of the province of New Sweden, beinsf either deceased or removed, for of this fact some uncertainty exists, was succeeded by Jan Risingh, a gigantic Swede; and who, had he not been rather knock- kneed and splay-footed, might have served for the model of a Samson or a Hercules. He was no less rapacious than mighty, and withal as crafty as he was rapacious; so that, in fact, there is very little doubt, had he lived some four or five centuries before, he would have been one of those wicked giants, who took such a cruel pleasure in pocketing distressed damsels, when gadding about the world; and locking them up in enchanted castles, without a toilette, a change of linen, or any other convenience. In consequence of these enomaities, they fell under the high displeasure of chivalry, and all true, loyal, and gallant knights were instructed to attack and slay outright any miscreant they might happen to find, above six feet high'; which is doubtless one reason that the race of large men is nearly extinct, and the generations of latter ages so exceeding small. No sooner did Governor Risingh enter upon his office, than he immediately cast his eyes upon the important post of Fort Casimir, and formed the righteous resolution of taking it into possession. The only thing that remained io consider was the mode of carrying his resolution into NEW YORK. 205 efifect : and here I must do him the justice to say, that he exhibited a humanity rarely to be met witli amongf leaders, and which I have never seen equalled in modern times, excepting amonq^ the English, in their glorious affair at Copenhagen. Willing to spare the effusion of blood and the miseries of open warfare, he benevolently shunned every thing like avowed hostility or regular siege, and resorted to the less glorious but more merciful expedient of treachery. Under pretence, therefore, of paying a neighbourly visit to General Von Pofienburgh, at his new post of Fort Casimir, he made rerjuisite preparation, sailed in great state up the Delaware, displayed his flag with the most ceremonious punctilio, and honoured the fortress with a royal salute, previous to dropping anchor. The unusual noise awakened a veteran Dutch sentinel, who was napping faithfully at his post, and who having suf- fered his match to go out, contrived to return the com- pliment, by discharging his rusty musket with the spark of a pipe, which he borrowed from one of his comrades. The salute indeed would have been answered by the guns of the fort, bad they not unfortunately been out of order, and the magazine deficient in ammunition — acci- dents to which forts have in all ages been liable, and which were the more excusable in the present instance, as Fort Casimir had only been erected about two years, and General Von Poffcnburgh, its mighty commander, had been fully occupied with matters of much greater importance. Risingh, highly satisfied with this courteous reply to his salute, treated the fort to a second, for he well knew its commander was marvellously delighted with these little ceremonials, which he considered as so many acts of homage paid to his greatness. He then landed in great state, attended by a suite of thirty men — a prodigious and vain-glorious retinue, for a petty governor of a petty settlement, in those days of primitive simplicity ; and to the full as great an army as generally swells the pomp and marches in the rear of our frontier commanders at the present day. The number in fact might have awakened suspicion, had not the mhid of the great Von Pofienburgh been so com- T 206 HISTORY OF pletely engrossetl with an all- pervading iediting matters, according to the custom of people in a hurry, he kept in continual bustle shifting from chair to chair, popping his head out of every window, and stumping up and down stairs with his wooden leg in such brisk and incessant motion, that, as we are informed by an authentic historian of the times, the conti- nual clatter bore no small resemblance to the music of a cooper hooping a flour barrel. A summons so peremptory, and from a man of the governor's meltle, was not to be trifled with 5 the sages forthwith repaired to the council chamber, where the gallant Stnyvesant entered in martial style, and took his chair, like another Charlemagne, among his Paladins. The counsellors seated themselves with the utmost tran- quillity, and lighting their long pipes, gazed with unruf- fled composure on his excellency and his regimentals j being, as all counsellors should be, not easily flustered, or taken by surprise. The governor looking around for a moment with a lofty and soldierlike air, and resting one hand on the pummel of his sword, and flinging the other forth, in a free and spirited manner, addressed them in a short but soul-stirring harangue. I am extremely sorry that I have not the advantages < f NEW YORK. 315 Livy, Tliucydiiies, Plutarch, aiul others of my picdccps- bors, who were furnished, as I am told, with the speeches of all their great emperors, generals, and orators, taken down in short-hand, by the most accurate stenographers of the time; whereby they were enabled wonderfully to enrich their histories, and delight their readers with sub- lime strains of eloquence. Not having such important auxiliaries, I rannot possibly pronounce what was the tenor of Governor Stuyvesant's speech. Whether he with maiden coyness hinted to his hearers, that " there was a speck of war in the horizon ;" that it would be necessary to resort to the " unprofitable tiial of which could do each other the most harm," — oi" any other delicate construction of language, whereby the odious subject of war is handled so fastidiously by modern statesmen ; as a gentleman volunteer handles his filthy saltpetre weapons with gloves, lest he should soil his dainty fingers. 1 am bold, however, to say, from the tenor of Peter Stuyvesanfs character, that he did not wrap his rugared subject in silk and ermines, and other sickly trickeries of phrase ; but spoke forth, like a man of nerve and vigour, who scorned to shrink in words from those dangers which he stood ready to encounter in very deed. This much is certain that he concluded by announcing his determina- tion of leading on his troops in person, and routing these costardmonger Swedes from their usurped quarters at Fort Casimir. To this hardy resolution, such of his council as were awake gave their usual signal of concur rence, and as to the rest, who had fallen asleep about the middle of the harangue (" their usual custom in the after- ^ noon") — they made not the least objection. And now was seen in the fair city of New Amsterdam a prodigious bustle and preparation for iron war. Re- cruiting parties marched hither and thither, calling lustily upon all the scrubs, the runagates, and the tatterdemalions of the Manhattoes and its vicinity, who had any ambition of srxpence a day, and immortal fame into the bargain, to enlist in the cause of glory. For I would have you note, that your warlike heroes who trudge in the rear of con- querors, are generally of that illustrious class of gentle- men who are equal candidates for the army or the bride- well — the halberts or the whippmg-post ; for whom dame fortune has cast an even die, whether they shall make 216 KiSTOUT OF their exit by the sword or the halter; and whose deaths shall, at all events, be a lofty example to thrir country- men. But notwithstanding all this martial rout and invita- tion, the ranks of honour were but scantily supplied ; so averse were the peaceful burghers of New Anisterclani from enlisting in foreign broils, or stirring beyond that home which rounded all their earthly ideas. Upon be- holding this, the great Peter, whose noble heart was all on fire with war and sweet revenge, determined to wait no longer for the tardy assistance of these oily citizens, but to muster up his merry men of the Hudson ; who, brought up among woods and wilds and savage beast-, like our yeomen of Kentucky, delighted in nothing so much as desperate adventures and perilous expeditions through the wilderness. Thus resolving, he ordered his trusty squire, Anthony Van Corlear, to have his state galley prepared and duly victualled; which being per- formed, he attended public service at the great church of St. Nicholas, like a true and pious governor, and then, leaving peremptory orders with his council to have the chivalry of the Manhattoes marshalled out and appointed against his return, departed upon his recruiting voyage up the waters on the Hudson. t^^r.#sr^s^.#^ CHAP. HI. Containing Peter Stuyvesanfs Voyage up the Hudson, and the wonders and delights of that renowned River. Now did the soft breezes of the south steal sweetly over the beauteous face of nature, tempering the panting heats of summer into genial and prolitic warmth : when titat miracle of hardihood and chivahic virtue, the dauntless Peter Stuyvesant, spread bis canvass to the wind, and departed from the fair island of Mannahata. The galJey in which he embarked was sumptuously adorned with peii danls and streamers of gorgeous dyes, which fluttered gaily in the wind, or dropped their ends in the bosom of the stream. The bow and poop of this majestic vessel were gallantiv bedight, after the rarest Dutch fashion, with figures of tittle pursy cupids with periwigs on their NEW York. SL* heads, and bearing in their hands garlands of ilowers, tlie like of which are not to be fonnd in any book of botany : being the matchless flowers which flourislied in the golden age, and exist no longer, unless it be in the ima- ginations of ingenious carvers of wood and discolourers of canvas. Thus rarely decorated, in style befitting the state of the puissant potentate of the Manhattoes, did the galley of Peter Stuyvesant launch forth upon the bosom of the lordly Hudson ; which as it rolled its broad waves to the ocean, seemed to pause for a while and swell with pride, as if con- scious of the illustrious burthen it sustained. But trust me, gentlefolk, far other was the scene pre- sented to the contemplation of the crew, from that which may be witnessed at this degenerate day. Wildness and savage majesty reigned on the borders of this mighty river.— The hand of cultivation had not as yet laid low the dark fovest, and tamed the features of the landscape ; nor had the frequent sail of commerce yet broken in upon tlie profound and awful solitude of ages. Here and there might be seen a rude wigwam perched among the cliffs of the mountains, with its curling column of smoke mounting in the transparent atmosphere ; but so loftily situated, that the whoopings of the savage children, gamboling on the margin of the dizzy heights, fell almost as faintly on the ear, as do the notes of the lark, when lost in the azure vault of heaven. Now and then from the beetling brow of some rocky precipice, the wild deer would look timidly down upon the splendid pageant as it passed below ; and then, tossing his branching antlers in the air, would bound away into the thickest of the forest. > Through such scenes did the stately vessel of Peter Stuyvesant pass. Now did they skirt the basis of the rocky heights of Jersey, which spring up like everlasting walls, reaching from the waves unto the heavens ; and were fashioned, if tradition may be believed, in times long past, by the mighty spirit Manetho, to protect his favourite abodes from the unhallowed eyes of mortals. Now did they career it gaily across the vast expanse of Tappan Bay, whose wide extended shores present a vast variety of delectable scenery — here the bold promontory, crowned with embowering trees, advancing into the bay— there the long woodland slope, sweeping up from the shore in rich 218 HISTORY OF luxuriance, and termiuating in llie upland precipice- while at a distance a long wavering line of rocky heights threw their gigantic shades across the water. Now would they pass where some modest little interval, opening among these stupendous scenes, yet retreating as it were for protection into the embraces of the neighbouring moun- tains, displayed a rural paradise, fraught with sweet and pastoral beauties ; the velvet tufted lawn, the bushy copse, the tinkling rivulet, stealing through the fresh and vivid verdure, on whose banks was situated some little Indian village, or peradventure the rude cabin of some solitary hunter. The different periods of the revolving day seemed each, with cunning magic, to diffuse a different charm over the scene. Now would the jovial sun break gloriously from the east, blazing from the summits of the eastern hills, and sparkling the landscape with a thousand dewy gems 5 while along the borders of the river were seen heavy masses of mist, which like midnight caitiffs, disturbed at his approach, made a sluggish retreat, rolling in sullen reluctance up the mountains. At such times all was bright- ness, and life, and gaiety ; the atmosphere seemed of an indescribable pureness and transparency — the birds broke forth iu wanton madrigals, and the freshening breezes wafted the vessel merrily on her course. But when the sun sunk amid a flood of glory in the west, mantling the heavens and the earth with a thousand gorgeous dyes; then all was calm, and silent, and magnificent. The late swelling sail hung lifelessly against the mast — the simple seaman with folded arms leaned against the shrouds, lost in that involuntary musing which the sober grandeur of nature commands in the rudest of her children. The vast bosom of the Hudson was like an unruffled mirror, reflect- ing the golden splendour of the heavens, excepting that now and then a bark canoe would steal across its surface, filled with painted savages, whose gay feathers glared brightly as perchance a lingering ray of the setting sun gleamed upon them from the western mountains. But when the hour of twilight spread its magic mists around, then did tlie face of nature assume a thousand fugitive charms, which to the worthy heart that seeks enjoyment in the glorious works of its Maker, are inexpres- sibly captivating. The mellow dubious light that pre- NEW YORK. 210 vailt'd just served to tinge with illusive colours the softened features of the scenery. The deceived but delighted eye sought vainly to discern in the broad masses of shade the separating line between the land and water; or to distinguish the fading objects that seemed sinking into chaos. Now did the busy fancy supply the feebleness of vision, producing with industrious cmft a fairy creation of her own. Under her plastic wand the barren rocks frowned upon the watery waste, in the semblance of lofty towers and high embattled castles — trees assumed the direful forms of mighty giants, and the inaccessible sum- mits of the mountains seemed peopled with a thousand shadowy beings. Now broke forth from the shores the notes of an innu- merable variety of insects, who filled the air with a strange but not inharmonious concert ; while ever and anon was heard the melancholy plaint of the Whip-poor-will, who, perched on some lone tree, wearied the ear of night with his incessant moanings. The mind, soothed into a hal- lowed melancholy by the solemn mystery of the scene, listened with pensive stillness to catch and distinguish each sound that vaguely echoed fiom the shore — now and then startled perchance by the whoop of some strag- gling savage, or the dreary howl of some caitiff wolf, stealing forth upon his nightly prowlings. Thus happily did they pursue their course, until they entered upon those awful detiles deuominaled the high- t.AND8, where it would seem that the gigantic Titans had erst waged their impious war with heaven, piling up cliffs on cliffs, and hurling vast masses of rock in wild confu- sion. But in sooth very different is the history of these cloud-capt mountains. — These in ancient days, before the Hudson poured his waters from the lakes, formed one vast prison, within whose rocky bosom the omnipotent Manetho confined the rebellious spirits who repined at his control. Here, bound in adamantine chains, or jammed in rifted pines, or crushed by ponderous rocks, they groaned for mar.y an age. — At length the conquering Hudson, in his irresistible career towards the ocean, burst open their prison-house, rolling his tide triumphantly through its stupendous ruins. Still, however, do many of them lurk about their old abodes ; and these it is, according to venerable legends^ V 2 220 HISTORY OF that cause the echoes which resouiwl throughout these awful solitudes j which are nothing but their angry clamours when any noise disturbs the profoundness of their repose. — For when the elements are agitated by tempest, when the winds are up and the thunder rolls, then horrible is Ihe yelling and howling of these troubled spirits, making the mountains to rebellow with their hideous uproar j for at suc^ times it is said, that they think the great Manetho is retu/'uing once more to plunge them in gloomy caverns, and renew theii- intolerable captivity. But all these fair and glorious scenes were lost upon the gallant Stuyvesant ; nought occupied his mind but thoughts of iron war, and proud anticipations of hardy deeds of arms. Neither did his honest crew trouble their va-cant heads with any romantic speculations of the kind. The pilot at the helm quietly smoked his pipe, thinking of nothing either past, present, or to come— those of his comrades who were not industriously snoaring under the hatches, were listening with open mouths to Anthony Van Corlcar ; who, seated on the windlass, was relating to them the marvellous history of those myriads of fire-flies, that sparkled like gems and spangles upon the dusky robe of night. These, according to tradition., were originally a race of pestilent sempiternous beldames, who peopled these parts long before the memory of man ; being of that abominated race emphatically called brimstones : and who for their innumerable sins against the children of men, and to furnish an awful warning to the beauteous sex, were doomed to infest the earth in the shape of these threaten- ing and tenible little bugs ; enduring the internal torments of that fire which they formerly carried in their hearts and breathed forth in their words ; but now are sentenced to bear about for ever — in their tails ! And now I am going to tell a fact, which I doubt much my readers will hesitate to believe ; but if they do, they are welcome not to believe a word in this whole history, for nothing which it contains is more true. It must be known then that the nose of Anthony the trumpeter was of a very lusty size, strutting boldly from his countenance like a mountain of Golconda: being sumptuously bedecked withrubies and other precious stones — the true regalia of a king of good fellows, which jolly Bacchus grants to all who bouse it heoitilv at the flagon. Now thus it hap- NEW YORK. 221 pencd, that bright am^ early in the moiiiiuj^, the good Anthony havuig washed his bnrly visage, was leaning over the quarter railing of the galley, conteniplating it in the glassy wave below. Jnst at this moment the illustrious sun, breaking in all his splendour from behind one of the high bluffs of the Highlands, did dart one of his most potent beams full upon the refulgent nose of the sounder of brass — the reflection of which shot straightway down, hissing hot, into the water, and killed a mighty sturgeon that was sporting beside the vessel ! This huge monster being with infinite labour hoisted on board, furnished a luxurious repast to all the crew, being accounted of excel- lent flavour, excepting about the wound, where it smacked a little of brimstone ; and this, on my veracity, was the first time that ever sturgeon was eaten in these parts by Christian people.* When tins astonishing miracle came to be made known to Peter Siuyvesant, and that he tasted of the unknown fish, he, as may well be supposed, marvelled exceedingly; and as a monument thereof, he gave the name of Anthony''s Nose to a stout promontory in the neighbourhood — and it has continued to be called Anthony's Nose ever since that time. But hold — Whither am 1 wandering r — By the Mass, if I attempt to accompai'.y the good Peter Stuyvesant on this voyage, I shall never make an end, for never was there a voyage so fraught with marvellous incidents, nor a river so abounding with transcendant beauties, worthy of being severally recorded. Even now J have it on the point of my pen to relate, how his crew were most horri- bly frightened, on going on shore above the Highlands, by a gang of merry roistering devils, frisking and curvetting on a huge flat rock, which projected into the river-— and which is called the DuyveVs Dans-Kamer to this very day. — But no ! Diedrick Knickerbocker— it becomes thee not to idle thus in thy historic wayfaring. Recollect, that while dwelling with the fond garrulity of age over these fairy scenes, endeared to thee by the recol- lections of thy youth, and the charms of a thousand • The learned Hans Megapolensis, treating of the countrj' about Albany, in a letter which was written some time alter the settlement thereof, says, " There is in the river great plenty of Sturgecu, whicti «'e Christians do not make use of; but the Indians eate tliem greedilie."' 222 HISTORY OF lej^endary tales which beguiled the simple ear of thy child- hood ; recollect that thou art trifling with those fleeting moments which should be de/oted to loftier themes. — Is not time— relentless time! — shaking, with palsied hand his almost exhausted hour glass before thee? — hasten then to pursue thy weary task, lest the last sands be run ere thou hast finished thy history of the Manhattoes. Let us then commit the dauntless Peter, his brave galley, and his loyal crew, to the protection of the blessed St. Nicholas ; who 1 have no doubt will prosper him in his voyage, while we await his return at the great city of New- Amsterdam. CHAP. IV. Describing the poncrful Army that assetnbled at the City of S"^ew~Amisferdam — together tvith the interview between Peter the Headstrong and General Von Pqffen- burgh; and Peter's sentiments touching unfortunate great Men. While thus the enterprising Peter was coasting, with flowing sail, up the shores of the lordly Hudson, and arousing all the phlegmatic little Dutch settlements upon its borders, a great and puissant concourse of warriors was assembling at the city of New-Amsterdam. And here that invaluable fragment of antiquity, the Stuyvesant manuscript, is more than commonly particular ; by which means 1 am enabled to record the illustrious host that encamped itself in the public square, in front of the fort, at present denominated the Bowling Green. In the centre then was pitched the tent of the men of battle of the IManlmltoes •, who, being the inmates of the metropolis, composed the life-guards of the governor. These were commanded by the valiant Stoflfel Brinker- hoof, who whilome had acquired such immortal fame at Oyster Bay— they displayed as a standard, a beaver rampant on a field of orange-, being the arms of the pro- vince, and denoting the persevering industry, and the amphibious origin, of the Nederlanders.* • This was likewise the great seal of the JNew-Ne«^erlanils, as may still be seen in ancient records. NEW YORK. - 223 On Iheir rigl't hand miprht be seen the vassals of that renowned Mynheer Michael Paw,* wlio h>rded it o\'er the fair regions of ancient Pavonia, and the lands away soutl), even unto the JNavesink niountains,-f and was moreover patroon of Gibbet-Island. His standard was borne by his trusty squire, Coinelius Van Vorst j consist- ing of a huge oyster recumbent upon a sea green field 5 beingf the armorial bearings of his favourite metropolis, Conimunipaw. He brought to the camp a stout force of warriors, heavily armed, being each clad in ten pair of linsey woolsey breeches, and overshadowed by broad brimmed beavers, with short pipes twisted in their hat- bands. These were the men who vegetated in the mud along the shores of Pavonia ; being of the race of genuine copper-heads, and were fabled to have sprung from oysters. At a little distance was encamped the tribe of warriors who came from the neighbourhood of Hell-Gate. These were commanded by the Swy Dams, and the Van Dams incontinent hard swearers, as their names betoken — they were terrible-looking fellows, clad in broad-skirted gaber- dines, of that carious coloured cloth called thunder and lightning ; and bore as a standard three DeviPs-darning- needles volanty in a flame coloured field. Hard by was the tent of the men of battle from the marshy borders of the Wael-bogtig,J and the country thereabouts — these were of a sour aspect, by reason that they lived on crabs which abound in these parts : they were the first institutors of that honourable order of knighthood, called Fly market shirks; and if tradition speak true, did likewise introduce the far-famed step in dancing, called " double trouble." They were commanded • Besides what is related in the Stnyvesant MS. I liave found men- tion made of this illustrious Patroou in another manuscript, which says: — " Ue Heer (or the Squire) Michael Paw, a Dutch subject, about 10th Au^. 1630, by deed purchased Staten-Island. N. B. The same Michael raw had what the Dutch called a colonic at Pavonia, on the Jersey shore, opposite New-York, and his overseer, in 1636, was named Corns. Van Vorst — a person of the same name, in 1769, owned Pawles Hook, and a large farm at Pavonia, and is a lineal *3escendant from Van Vorst." ^ So called from the Navesink tribe of Indians that inhabited these parts— at present they are erroueously denominated the Neversink, or Meveisunk mountains. + i. e. Tlie winding Bay, named from the winding of its shores. This has since been corrupted by the vulgar into the Wallabout, and IS the basin which shelters our infant navy. 'i24 HISTORY OF }.y the fearless Jacobus Varra Vanger, and had . moreover, a jolly band of Breukelen * ferrymen, who performed a brave concerto on conch-shells. But I refrain from pursuing this minute description, which goes on to describe the warriors of Bloemen-dale, and Wee-hawk, and Hoboken, and sundry other places, well known in history and song — for now does the sound of martial music alarm the people of New-Amsterdam, sounding afar from beyond the walls of the city. But this alarm was in a little time relieved, for lo, fiom the midst of a vast cloud of dust, tliey recognised the brimstone coloured breeches, and splendid silver leg of Peter Stuy- vesant, glaring in the sunbeams ; and beheld him ap- proaching at the head of a formidable army, which he had mustered along the banks of the Hudson. And here the excellent but anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant manu- script breaks out into a brave and glorious description of the forces, as they defiled through the principal gate of the city that stood by the head of Wall-street. First of all came the Van Bummels, who inhabit the pleasant borders of the Bronx. These were short fat men, wearing exceeding large trunk breeches, and are renowned for feats of the trencher : they were the first inventors of suppawn or mush and milk. — Close in the rear marched the Van V^lotens, of Kaats-Kill, most horrible quaffers of new cider, and an-ajit braggarts in their liquor. — -After them came the Van Pelts of Groodt Esopus, dexterous horsemen, mounted upon goodly switch-tailed steeds of the Esopus breed : these were mighty hunters of minks and musk rats, whence came the word Peltry. — T^en the Van Nests of Kindcrhoeck, valiant robbers of birds' nests, as their name denotes : to these, if report may be believed are we indebted for the invention of slap-jack?, or buck- wheat cakes. — Then the Van Higginbottoms of Wapping's Creek : these came armed with ferules and birchen rods, being a race of schoolmasters, who first discovered the marvellous sympathy between the scat of honour and the seat of intellect, and that the shortest way to get know- ledge into the head was to hammer it in at the bottom.— Then the Van Grolls, of Anthony's Nose, who carried theii- liquor in fau- round little pottles, by reason they • Now Sj)elt Brooklyn. NEW YORK. 225 could not bouse it out of their canteens, having sucli rare long noses. — Then the Gardeniers, of Hudson and there- abouts, distinguished by many triumphant feats, such as robbing water-melon patches, smoking rabbits out of their holes, and the like, and by being great lovers of roasted pigs' tails ; these were the ancestors of the renowned congress-man of that name. — ^Then the Van Hoesens of Sing-Sing, great choristers and players upon the Jew's- harp : these marched two and two, singing the great song of St. Nicholas — then the Couenhovens, of Sleepy Hollow: these gave birth to a jolly race of publicans, who first discovered the magic artifice of conjuring a quart of wine into a pint bottle. Then the Van Kortlands, who lived on the wild banks of the Croton, and were great killers of wild ducks, being much spoken of for their skill in shoot- ing with the long-bow. —Then the Van Bunschotens, of Nyack and Kakit, who were the first that did ever kick with the left foot : they were gallant bush-whackers, and hunters of racoons by moonlight.— Then the Van Winkles, of Haerlem, potent suckers of eggs, and noted for the running of horses, and running up of scores at taverns ; they were the first that ever winked with both eyes at once. — Lastly, came the Knickerbockers, of the great town of Schahtitoke, where the folk lay stones upon the houses in windy weather, lest they should be blown av.ay. These derive their name, as some say, from Knicker^ to shake, and BekeVy a goblet, indicating thereby tiiat they were sturdy toss-pots of yore; but, in truth, it was derived from KnickeVy to nod, and Boken^ books, plainly meaning that they were great nodders or dozers over books : from them did descend the writer of this history. Such was the legion of sturdy bush-beaters that poured in at the grand gate of New-Amsterdam. The Stuyvesant manuscript, indeed, speaks of many more, whose names I omit to mention, seeing that it behoves me to hasten to matters of greater moment. Nothing could surpass the joy and martial pride of the lion-hearted Peter, as he reviewed this mighty host of warriors 5 and he determined no longer to defer the gratification of his much wished-for revenge upon the scoundrel Swedes at Fort Casimir. But before I hasten to record those unmatchable events which will be found in the sequel of this faithful history, let me pause to notice the fate of Jacobus Von Potfcn* 226 HISTORY OF bur^h, the discomfited commander-in-chief of the ainiies of the New-Netherlands. Such is the inherent unchari- tableness of human nature, tJiat scarcely did the news become public of his deplorable discomfiture at Fort Casimir, than a thousand scurvy rumours were set afloat in New-Amsterdam ; wherein it was insinuated, that he had in reality a treacherous understanding with the Swe- dish commander ; that he had long been in the practice of privately communicating with the Swedes ; together with divers hints about *' secret service money," — to all which deadly charges I do not give a jot more credit than I think they deserve. Certain it is, that the general vindicated his character by the most vehement oaths and protestations, and put every man out of the ranks of honour who dared to doubt his integrity. Moreover, on returning to New-Amster- dam, he paraded up and down the streets with a crew of hard swearers at his heels, — sturdy bottle companions, whom he gorged and fattened, and who were ready to bolster him through all the courts of justice, — heroes of ills own kidney, tierce whiskered, bioad shouldered, col- brand looking swaggerers, not one of whom but looked as though he could eat up an ox, and pick his teeth with the horns. These life-guard men quarrelled all his quarrels, were ready to fight all his battles, and scowled at every man that turned up his nose at the general as though they would devour him alive. Their conversation was inter- spersed with oalhs like minute guns, and every bombastic rhodomontade was rounded off by a thundering execra- tion, like a patriotic toac-t honoured with a discharge of artiUery. All these valorous vapourings had a considerable effect in convincing certain profound sages, many of whom began to think the general a hero of unutterable loftiness and magnanimity of soul, particularly as he was continu- ally protesting on tlie honour of a soldier, — a marvellously high sounding asseveration. Nay, one of the members of the council went so far as to propose they should immortalize him by an imperishable statue of plaster of Paris. But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was not thus to be deceived. Sending privately for the commander-in- chief of all the armies, and having heard all his t^toij NEW YORK. 227 garnished with the customary pious oaths, protestations, and ejaculations — " Harkee, comrade," cried he, *' though by your own account you are the most brave, upright, and honourable man in the whole province, yet do you lie under the misfortune of being damnably traduced and immeasurably despised. Now though it is certainly hard to punish a man for his misfortunes, and though it is very possible you are totally innocent of the crimes laid to your charge ; yet as heaven, at present, doubtless for some wise purpose, sees tit to withhold all proofs of your inno- cence, far be it from me to counteract its sovereign will. Beside, I cannot consent to venture my armies with a com- mander whom they despise, or to trust the welfare of my people to a champion whom they distrust. Retire there- fore, my friend, from the irksome toils and cares of public life, with this comforting reflection — that if you be guiKy, you are but enjoying your just reward — and if innocent that you are not the tirst great and good man, who has most wrongfully been slandered and maltreated in this wicked world — doubtless to be better treated in a bettei- world, where there shall neither be error, calumny, nor persecution. In the mean time let me never see your face again, for 1 have a horrid antipathy to the countenances of unfortunate great men like yourself." f CHAP. V. In which the Author discourses very ingeniously of him- »elf.— After ivhich is to be found much interesting History about Peter tlie Headstrong and his followers. As my readers and myself are about entering on as many perils as ever a confederacy of meddlesome knights-errant wilfully ran their heads into ; it is meet that, like those hardy adventurers, we should join hands, bury all diffe- rences, and swear to stand by one anothei-, in weal, vr woe, to the end of the enterprise. My readers must doubr- less perceive how completely 1 have altered my tone and deportment since we first set out together. 1 warrant they then thought me a crabbed, cynica > impertinent ittle son of a Dutchman j for I scarce.y ever gave them a civil 228 HISTORY of word, nor so much as touched my beaver, when I had occasion to address them. But as we jogged along together, in the high road of my history, I gradually began to relax, to grow more courteous, and occasionally to enter into familiar discourse ; until, at length, I came to conceive a most social, companionable kind of regard for them. This is just my way— I am always a little cold and reserved at first, particularly to people whom I neither know nor care for ; and am only to be completely won by long intimacy. Besides, why should I have been sociable to the crowd of how-d'ye-do acquaintance, that flocked around me at my first appearance ? Many were merely attracted by a new face ; and having stared me full in the title-page, walked off without saying a word ; while others lingered yawningly through the preface, and having gratified their short-lived curiosity, soon dropped off one by one. But more especially to try their mettle, I had recourse to an expedient, similar to one which we are told was used by that peerless flower of chivalry, King Arthur ; who, before he admitted any knight to his intimacy, first required that he should show himself superior to danger or hardships, by encountering unheard-of mishaps, slaying some dozen giants, vanquishing wicked enchanters, not to say a word of dwarfs, hippogriffs, and fiery dragons. On a similar principle I cunningly led my readers, at the first sally, into two or three knotty chapters, where they were most wofuUy belaboured and buffeted by a host of pagan philo- sophers and infidel writers. Though naturally a very grave man, yet I could scarce refrain from smiling out- right at seeing the utter confusion and dismay of my valiant cavaliers— some dropped down dead (asleep) on the field ; others threw down my book in the middle of the first chapter, took to their heels, and never ceased scam- pering imtil they had fairly run it out of sight, when they stopped to take breath, to tell their friends what troubles they had undergone, and to warn all others from venturing on so thankless an expedition. Every page thinned my ranks more and more ; and of the vast multitude that first set out, but a comparatively few made shift to survive, in exceedingly battered condition, through the five introductory chapters. What then ! would yo" iiave had me ^^ke such sun- New YORK, 2'i9 shine^ faint-hearted recreants to my bosom, at our first acquaintance? No, no; I reserved my friendship for those who deserved it j for those who undauntedly bore me company, in despite of difficulties, dangers, and fatigues. And now, as to those who adhere to me at pre- sent, I take them affectionately by the hand. Worthy and thrice beloved readers ! brave and well-tried comrades ! who have faithfully followed my footsteps through all my wanderings — I salute you from my heart — I pledge myself to stand by you to the last ; and to conduct you (so heaven speed this trusty weapon which I now hold between my fingers), triumphantly to the end of this our stupendous undertaking. But, hark ! while we are thus talking, the city of New Amsterdam is in a bustle. The gallant host of warriors encamped in the Bowling Green are striking their tents ; the brazen trumpet of Anthony Von Corlear makes the welkin to resound with portentous clangour — the drums beat — the standards of the Manhattoes, of Hell-gate, and of Michael Paw, wave proudly in the air. And now behold where the mariners are busily employed, hoisting the sails of yon top-sail schooner, and those two clump liuilt Albany sloops, which are to waft the army of the Nederlanders to gather immortal honours on the Delaware ! The entire population of the city, man, woman, and child, turned out to behold the chivalry of New-Amster- dam, as it paraded the streets previous to embarkation. Many a handkerchief was waved out of the windows; many a fair nose was blown in melodious sorrow on the mournful occasion. The grief of the fair dames and beau- teous damsels of Grenada could not have been more voci- ferous o-n the banishment of the gallant trihe of Abencer- rages than was that of the kind-hearted fair ones (»f New- Amsterdam, on the departure of their intrepid waiiiors. Every lovesick maiden fondly crammed the pockets of her hero with gingerbread and dough nuts — many a cop- per ring was exchanged, and crooked sixpence broken, in pledge of eternal constancy — and there remain extant to this day some love verses written on that occasion, suffi- ciently crabbed and incomprehensible to confound the whole universe. But it was a moving sight to see the buxom lasses, how they hung about the doughty Anthony Von Corlear ; fur X 230 HISTORY OF he was a jolly, rosy-faced, lusty bachelor, fond of his joke, and withal a desperate rogue avnou^ the women. Fain would they have kept him to comfort them while the army was away ; for beside what I have said of him, it is no more than justice to add, that he was a kind-hearted soul, noticed for his benevolent attentions in comforting dis- consolate wives during the absence of their husbands j and this made him to be very much regai-ded by the honest burghers of the city. But nothing could keep the valiant Anthony from following the heels of the old governor, whom he loved as he did his very soul — so embracing all the young vrouws, and giving every one of them that had good teeth and rosy lips a dozen hearty smacks ; he departed loaded with their kind wishes. Nor was the departure of the gallant Peter among the least causes of public distiess. Though the old governor was by no means i.idulgent to the follies and wayward- ness of his subjects, yet somehow or othei- he had become strangely popular among the people. There is something so captivating in personal bravery, that, with the common mass of mankind, it takes the lead of most other merits. The simple folk of New-Amsterdam looked upon Peter Stuyvesant as a prodigy of valour. His wooden-leg, that trophy of his martial encounters, was regarded with reve- rence and admiration. Every old burgher had a budget of miraculous stories to tell about the exploits of Hard-kop- pig Piet, wherewith he regaleil his children on a long winter night j and on which he dwelt with as much delight and exaggeration as do our honest country yeomen on the hardy adventures of old General Putnam (or, as he is familiarly termed. Old Pwif), during our glorious revolu- tion. Not an individual but verily believed the old governor was a match for Beelzebub himself 5 and there was even a story told, with great mystery, and under the rose, of his having shot the devil with a silver bullet one dark stormy night, as he was sailing in a canoe through Hell-gate. But this I do not record as an absolute fact- perish the man who would let fall a drop to discolour the pure stream of history ! Certain it is, not an old woman in New-Amsteidani but considered Peter Stuyvesant as a tower of strength, and rested satisfied that the public welfare was secure so long as he was in the city. It is not sinprising then that thty NEW YORK. 231 looked upon his departure as a sore afflrctioii. With neavy hearts they draggled at the heels of his tro<>p, as they marched down to the river side to embark. The governor from the stern of his schooner, gave a short but truly patriarchial addre-s to his citizens, wherein he re- commended them to comport like loyal and peaceful sub- jects — to go to church regularly on Sundays, and to mind their business al' thie week besides ■ — That the women should be dutiful and affectionate to their husbands- looking after nobody's concerns but their own : eschew ing all gossipings and morning gaddings ; and carrying short tongues and long petticoats. That the men should abstain from intermeddling in public concerns, entrusting the cares of government to the ofHcers appointed to sup- port them — staying at home; like good citizens, making money for themseives, and getting children for the benefit of their country. That the burj^o masters should look well to the public interest — not opprtssing the poor, or indulg- ing tho ricli — not tasking thei:- security to devise new laws, but faithfully enfurcmg those which were already made — rather bending their attention to prevent evil than to punish it J ever recollecting that civil magistrates should consider themselves more as guardians of public morals than rat catchers employed to entrap public delinquents. Finally, he exhorted them, one and all, high and low, rich and poor, to conduct themselves as well as they could : assuring them that if they faithfully and conscientiously complied with this golden rule, there was no danger but that they would all conduct themselves well enough. — This done, he gave them a paternal benediction ; the sturdy Anthony sounded a most loving farewell with his trumpet, the jolly crews put up a lusty shout of triumph, and the invincible armada swept oil" proudly down the bay. The good people of New-Amsterdam crowded down to the Battery — that blest resort, from whence so many a tender prayer has been wafted — so many a fair hand waved— so many a tearful look been cast by lovesick damsel, after the lessening bark which bore her adven- turous swain to distant climes '.—Here the populace Avatched with straining eyes the gallant squadron, as it slowly floated down the bay ; and when the intervening land at the Narrows shut it from their sight, gradually dispeased with silent tongues and downcast countenances. 232 HISTORY or A heavy gloom hung over the late bustling city — the honest burghei's smoked their pipes in profound thougbt- fuhiess, casting many a wistful look on the weathercock on the church of St. Nicholas 5 and all the old women, having no longer the presence of Petei' Stuyvesant to hearten them, gathered their children home, and barricadoed the doors and windows every evening at sundown. In the meanwhile the armada of the sturdy Peter pro- ceeded prosperously on its voyage, and after encountering about as many storms and water-spouts and whales, and other horrors and phenomena as generally befal adventu- rous landsmen, in perilous voyages of the kind ; and after undergoing a severe scouring from that deplorable and unpitied malady called sea-sickness J the whole squadron arrived safely in the Delaware. Without so much as dropping anchor and giving his wearied ships time to breathe after labouring so long in the ocean, the intrepid Peter pursued his course up the Delaware, and made a sudden appearance before Fort Casimir. Having summoned the astonished garrison by a terrific blast from the trumpet of the long-winded Van Corlear, he demanded, in a tone of thunder, an instant surrender of the fort. To this demand, Suen Scutz, the ivind-dried commandant, replied in a shrill, whiffling voice, which, by reason of his extreme spareness, sounded like the wind whistling through a broken bellows — *' that he had no very strong reasons for refusing, except that the demand was particularly disagreeable, as he had been ordered to maintain his post to the last extremity." He requested time therefore to consult with Governor Risingh, and proposed a truce for that purpose. The choleric Peter, indignant at having his rightful fort so treacherously taken from him, and thus pertinaciously withheld, refused the proffered armistice, and swore by the pipe of St. Nicholas, which like the sacred fire was never extinguished, that unless the fort were surrendered in ten minutes, he would incontinently storm the works, make all the garrison run the gauntlet, and split their scoundrel of a commander, like a pickled shad. To give this menace the greater effect, he drew forth his trusty sword, and shook it at them with such a fierce and vigo- rous motion, that doubtless, if it had not been exceeding rusty, it would have lightened tenor into the eyes and NEW YORK. 233 hearts of ihe enemy. He then ordered liis men to bring a broadside to bear upon the fort, consisting of two swivels, three muskets, a long duck fowling-piece, and two brace of horse jiistols. In the meantime the sturdy Van Corlear marshalled all his forces, and commenced his warlike operations. Distending his cheeks like a very Boreas, he kept up a most horrific twanging of his trumpet — the lusty choristers of Sing-Sing broke forth into a hideous song of battle — the warriors of Breukelen and the VVacl-bogtig blew a potent and astounding blast on their coucii-shells : all together forming as outrageous a concerto as though five thousand French orchestras were displaying their skill in a modern overture. Whether the formidable front of war, thus suddenly presented, smote the garrison with sore dismay, or whether the concluding terms of the summons, which mentioned that he should surrender " at discretion," were mistakes by Suen Scutz, who, though a Swede, was a very consi- derate, easy-tempered man, as a compliment to his dis- cretion, I will not take upon me to say 5 certain it is, he found it impossible to resist so courteous a demand. Accordingly in the very nick of time, just as the cabin- boy had gone after a coal of fire to discharge the swivel, a chamade was beat on the rampart by the only drum i.i the garrison, to the no small satisfaction of both parties; who, notwithstanding their great stomach for fighting, had full as good an inclination to eat a quiet dinner as to ex- change black eyes and bloody woses. Thus did this impregnable fortress once more return to the domination of their high mightinesses 5 Scutz and his garrison of twenty men were allowed to march out with the honours of warj and the victorious Peter, who was as generous as bra^e, permitted them to take possession of all their arms and ammunition, the same, on inspection, being found totally unfit for service, having long rusted in the magazine of the fortress, even before it was wrested by the Swedes from the magnanimous but windy Von Pof- fenburgh. But I must not omit to mention, that the governor was so well pleased with the services of his faith- ful squire, Van Corlear, in the reduction of this great fortress, that he made him on the spot lord of a goodly 234 HISTORY OF domain in the vicinity of New Amsterdam, which goes by the name of Corlear's Hook unto this vei-y day.* The unexampled liberality of the valiant Stuyvesant towards the Swedes occasioned great surprise in the city of New Amsterdam ; nay, certain of those factious indivi- duals, who had been enlightened by the political meetings that prevailed during the days of William the Testy, but who had not dared to indulge their meddlesome habits under the eye of their present ruler, now emboldened by his absence, dared even to give vent to their censures in the streets — murmurs were heard in the very council chamber of New Amsterdam ; and there is no knowing whether they would not have broken out into downright speeches and invectives, had not Peter Stuyvesant pri- vately sent home his walking staff, to be laid as a mace on the table of the council chamber, in the midst of nis counsellors ; who, like wise men, took the hint, and for ever after held their peace. ^♦**'**'**^^ CHAP. VI. Showing the great advantage that the Author Jia^ over his Header in time of Battle — together with divers portentous movements; which betoken that something terrible is about to happen. Like as a mighty alderman, when at a corporation feast the first spoonful of turtle soup salutes his palate, feels his impatient appetite but tenfold quickened, and redoubles his vigorous attacks upon the tureen, while his voracious eyes projecting from his head, roll greedily round, devour- ing every thing at table — so did the mettlesome Peter Stuyvesant feel that intolerable hunger for martial glory, which raged within his very bowels, inflamed by the cap- ture of Fort Casimir, and nothing could allay it but the conquest of all New Sweden. No sooner therefore had he secured his conquest, than he stumped resolutely on, *De Vriez makes mention, in one of his voyages, of Corieai's iioeck, and Corlears Flanlagie, or Bouwery. i NEW YORK. 236 fltished with success, to gatner fresh laurels at Fort Christina.* This was the grand Swedish post, established on a small river (or as it is more improperly termed, creek) of the same name ; and here that crafty governor, Jan Risingh, lay grimly drawn up, like a grev-bearded spider in the citadel of his web. But before we hurry into the direful scenes that must attend the meeting of two such powerful chieftains, it is advisable that we pause for a moment, and hold a kind of warlike council. Battle should not be rushed into pre- cipitately by the historian and his readers any more than by the general and his soldiers. The great commanders of antiquity never engaged the enemy without previously preparing the minds of their followers by animating haran- gues ; spiriting them up to heroic feelings, assuring them of the protection of the gods, and inspiring them with a confidence in the prowess of their leaders. So the his- torian should awaken the attention and enlist the passions of his readers, and having set them all on fire with the importance of his subject, he should put himself at their head, flourish his pen, and lead them on to the thickest of the fight. An illustrious example of this rule may be seen in that mirror of historians, the immoi'tal Thucydides. Having arrived at the breaking out of the Peloponnesian war, one of his commentators observes, that " he sounds the charge in all the disposition and spirit of Homer. He catalogues the allies on both sides. He awakens our expectations, and fast engages our attention. All mankind are con- cerned in the important point now going to be decided. Endeavours are made to disclose futurity. Heaven itself is interested in the dispute. The earth totters, and nature seems to labour with the great event. This is his solemn, sublime manner of setting out. Thus he magnifies a war between two, as Rapin calls them, petty states ; and thus artfully he supports a little subject by treating it in a great and noble method. "f In like manner, having conducted my readers into the • This is at present a flourtshing town ca. led Christiana, or Chiis. teeii, about thirty-seven miles from Philadelphia, on the post road to Baltimore. + Smith's Thucyd. Vol. I. p. Ixx. 236 niexoRY of very teeth of peiil — having followed the adventurous Peter and his band in(o foreign regions — suirounded by foes, and stunned by the horrid din of arms — at this important moment, while darkness and doubt hang o'er each coming chapter, 1 hold it meet to harangue them, and prepare them for the events that are to follow. And here I would premise one great advantage which, as the historian, I possess over my readers 5 and this it is — that though I cannot save the life of my favourite hero, nor absolutely contradict the event of a battle (both which liberties, though often taken by the French writers of the present reign, 1 hold to be utterly unworthy of a scrupulous historian), yet I can uow and then make him bestow on his enemy a sturdy back-stroke sufficient to fell a giant ; though in honest truth, he may never have done any thing of the kind — or I can drive his antagonist clear round and round the field, as did Homer make that fine fellow Hector scamper like a poltroon round the walls of Troy ; for which, if ever they have encountered one another in the Elysian fields, I'll warrant the prince of poets has had to make the most humble apology. I am aware that many conscientious readers will be ready to cry out " foul play !" whenever I render a little assistance to my hero — but I consider it one of those privileges exercised by historians of all ages — and one which has never been disputed. In fact, an historian is, as it were, bound in honour to stand by his hero — the fame of the latter is entrusted into his hands, and it is his duty to do the best by it he can. Never was there a general, an admiral, or any other commander, who, in giving an account of any battle that he had fought, did not sorely belabour the enemy ; and I have no doubt that, had my heroes written the history of their own achievements, they would have dealt much harder blows than any that I shall recount. Standing forth, therefoie, as the guardian of their fame, it behoves me to do them the same justice they would have done themselves; and if I happen to be a little hard upon the Swedes, 1 give free leave to any of their descendants, who may write a history of the State of Delaware, to take fair retaliation, and belabour Peter Stuyvesant as hard as they please. Therefore stand by for broken heads and bloody noses —my pen has long itched for a battle — siege after siege NEW YORK 233 have I carried on, without blows or bloodshed j but now I have at length got a chance, and I vow to heaven and St. Nicholas, that, let the chronicles of the times say what they please, neither Sallust, Livy, Tacitus, Polybius, nor any other battlemonger of them all, did ever record a fiercer fight than that in which my valiant chieftains are now about to engage. And you, oh most excellent readers, whom, for your faithful adherence, I could cherish in the warmest corner of my heart — be not uneasy — trust the fate of our favourite Stuyvesant to me — for by the rood, come what may, I'll stick by Hard-koppig Piet to the last ; Til make him drive about these losels vile, as did the renowned Launce- lot of the Lake, a herd of recreant Cornish knights j and if he does fall, let me never draw my pen to fight another battle, in behalf of a brave man^ if I don't make these lubberly Swedes pay for it ! No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived before fort Christina than he proceeded without delay to entrench himself, and immediately on running his first parallel, despatched Anthony Van Corlear to summon the fortress to surrender. Van Corlear was received with all due for- mality, hoodwinked at the portal, and conducted through a pestiferous smell of salt fish and onions, to the citadel, a substantial hut built of pine logs. His eyes were here uncovered, and he found himself in the august presence of Governor Risingh. This chieftain, as 1 have before noted, was a very giantly man ; and was clad in a coarse blue coat, strapped round the waist with a leathern belt, which caused the enormous skirts and pockets to set off with a very warlike sweep. His ponderous legs were cased in a pair of foxy-coloured jack boots, and he was straddling in the attitude of the Colossus of Rhodes, before a bit of broken looking glass, shaving himself with a villainously dull razor. This afflicting operation caused him to make a series of horrible grimaces, that heightened exceedingly the grisly terrors of his visage. On Anthony Van Cor- lear's being announced, the grim commander paused for a moment, in the midst of one of his most hard-favoured contortions, and after eyeing him askance over the shoulder with a kind of snarling grin on his countenance, resumed his labours at the glass. This iron harvest being reaped, he turned once more to ?38 HiSTORY Of tlie trumpetei, and demanded the purport of his errand. Anthony Van Corlear delivered in a few words, being a kisid of short-hand speaker, a l(»n^ message from his excel- lency, recounting liie whole hi.>tojy of the province, with a recapitulation of grievances, and enumerations of claims, and concluded with a peremptory demand of instant surrender •, which done, he turned aside, look his nose between his thumb and finger, and blew a tremendous blast, not unlike the flourish of a trumpet of defiance; which it had doubtless learned from a long and intimate neighbourhood with that melodious instrument. Governor Risingh heaid him through, trumpet and all, but with infinite impatience 5 leaning at timts, as was his usual custom, on the pommel of his sword, and at times twirling a huge steel watch chain, or snapping his fingers. Van Corlear having finished, he bluntly replied, that Peter Stuyvesant and his summons might go to the d- 1, whither he hoped to send him and his crew of ragamuffins before supper time. Then unsheathing his brass hilted sword, and throwing away the scabbard — " Fore gad," quod he, " but I will not sheathe thee again until I mak^ a scabbard of the smoke-dried, leathern hide of this runna- gate Dutchman." Thei* having flung a fierce defiance in the teeth of his adversary, by the lips of his messenger, the latter was reconducted to the portal with all the cere- monious civility due to the trumpeter, squire, and ambas- sador of so great a commander ; and being again unblinded, was courteously dismissed with a tvreak of the nose to assist him in recollecting his message. No sooner did the gallant Peter receive this insolent reply, than he let fly a tremendous volley of red-hot exe- crations, that would infallibly have battered down the for- tifications, and blown up the powder magazine, about the ears of the fiery Swede, had not the rampaits been remark- ably strong, and the magazine bomb-proof. Perceiving that the works withstood this terrific blast, and that it was utterly impossible (as it really was in those unphilosophic days) to carry on a war with words, he oidered his merry men all to prepare for an immediate assault. But here a strange murmur broke out among his troops, beginning with the tribe of the Van Bummels, those valiant trencher- men of the Bronx, and spreading from man to man, accora- hf.rf':-'' v)|h certain mutinous looks and d-'icontented NEW YORK. . '230 murmurs. For once in his life, aud only for once, did the great Peter turn pale ; for he verily thought his warriors were going to falter in this hour of perilous trial, and thus tarnish for ever the fame of the province of New Nederlandts. But soon did he discover, to his great joy, that in this suspicion he deeply wronged this most undaunted army ; for the cause of this agitation and uneasiness simply was, that the hour of dinner was at hand, and it would have almost broken the hearts of these regular Dutch warriors to have broken in upon the invariable routine of their habits. Beside, it was an established rule among our valiant ancestors always to fight upon a full stomach ; and to this may be doubtless attributed the circumstance that they came to be so renowned in arms. And now are the hearty men of the Manhattoes, and their no less hearty comrades, all lustily engaged under the trees, buffeting stovitly with the contents of their wallets, and taking such afiectionate embraces of their canteens and pottles as though they verily believed tliey were to be the last. And as I foresee we shall have hot work in a page or two, I advise my readers to do the same; for which purpose 1 will bring the chapter to a close ; giving them my word of honour, that no advantage shall be taken of this armistice, to surprise, or in any way molest, the honest Nederlanders while at their vigorous repast. CHAP. VII. Containing the most horrible Battle ever recorded in poetry or prose ; ivith the admirable Exploits of Peter the Headstrong. " Now had the Dutchmen snatched a huge repast," and finding themselves wonderfully encouraged and animated thereby, prepared to take the field. Expectation, says the writer of the St.uy vesant manuscript— Expectation now stood on stilts. The world forgot to turn round, or rather stood still, that it might witness the affray ; like a fat, round-bellied alderman, watching the combat of two chi- 240 HISTORY or valric flies upon his jerkin. The eyes of all mankind, a» usual in such cases, were turned upon Fort Christina. The sun, like a little man in a crowd at a puppet-show, scampered about the heavens, popping his head here and there, and endeavouring to get a peep between the unman- nerly clouds, that obtruded themselves in his way. The historians filled their inkhorns— tl?e poets went without their diimers, either that they might buy paper and goose- quills, or because they could not get any thing to eat — ■ antiquity scowled sulkily out of its grave, to see itself out- done — while even posterity stood mute, gazing in gaping ecstacy of retrospection, on the eventful held. The immortal deities, who whilome had seen service at the " affair" of Troy — now mounted their feather-bed clouds, and sailed over the plain, or mingled among the combatants in different disguises, all itching to have a finger in the pie. Jupiter sent off his thunderbolt to a noted coppersmith, to have it furbished up for the direful occa- sion. Venus swore by her chastity she'd patronize the Swedes ; and in semblance of a blear-eyed trull, paraded the batllemeuts of Fort Christina, accompanied by Diana, as a Serjeant's widow of cracked reputation. The noted bully. Mars, stuck swo horse-pistols into his belt, shoul- dering a rusty firelock, and gallantly swaggering at their elbow as a drunken corporal — while Apollo trudged in their rear as a bandy-legged fifer, playing most villainously out of tune. On the other side, the ox-eyed Juno, who had gained a pair of black eyes overnight, in one of her curtain lectures with old Jupiter, displayed hci- haughty beauties on a bag- gage-waggon — Minerva, as a brawny gin-sutt!er, tucked up her skirts, brandished her firsts, and swore most heroi- cally, in exceeding bad Dutch (having but lately studied the language), by way of keeping up the spirits of the sol- diers } while Vulcan halted as a club-footed blacksmith, lately promoted to be a captain of militia. All was silent horror, or bustling preparation 5 war reared his horrid front, gnashed loud his iron fangs, and shook his direful crest of bristling bayonets. And now the mighty chieftains marshalled out their hosts. Here stood slout Risingh, firm as a thousand rocks — encrusted with stockades, and entrenched to the chin in mud batteries. — His artillery consisting of two NEW YORK. 241 swivels and a carronade, loaded to the muzzle, the touch holes primed, and a whiskered bombadier stationed at each with lighted match \n hand, waiting the word. His valiant infantry lined the breast- work in grim array, each having his mustachios fiercely greased, and his hair poma- tumed back, and queued so stiffly that he grinned above the ramparts like a grisly death's head. There came on the intrepid Hard-koppig Piet, a second Bayard, without fear or reproach — his brows knit, his teeth clenched, his breath held hard, rushing on like ten thousand bellowing bulls of Bashan. His faithful squire, Van Corlear, trudged valiantly at his heels, with his trumpet gorgeously bedecked with red and yellow ribands, the remembrances of his fair mistresses at the Manhattocs. Then came waddling on his sturdy comrades, swarming like the myrmidons of Achilles. There were the Van Wycks and the Van Dycks and the Ten Eycks — the Van Nesses, the Van Tassels, I he Van Grolls, the Van Hcessens, the Van Giesons, and the Van Blarcoms. The Van Warts, the Van Winkles, (he Van Dams, the Van Ptits, the Van Rippers, and the Van Brunts. There were the Van Homes, the Van Hooks, the Van Bunschotens, the Van Gelders, the Van Arsdales, and the Van Bummels. The Vander Belts, the Vander Hoofs, and the Vander Voorts, the Vander Lyns, the Vander Pools, and the Vander Spie- gels; there came the Hoffmans, the Hooghlands, the Hoppers, the Cloppers, the Ryckmans, the Dyckmans, the Hogebooms, the Rosebooms, the Oothoufs, the Quack- enbosses, the Roerbacks, the Garrebrantzs, the Beiisons, the Brouvvers, the Waldrons, the Onderdonks, the Varra Vangers, the Schermerhorns, the Stoutenburghs, the Brin- kerhoffs, the Bontecous, the Knickerbockers, the Hock- sti'assers, the Ten Breecheses, and the Tough Breecheses, with a host of more valiant worthies, whose names are too crabbed to be written, or if they could be written, it would be impossible for man to utter — all fortified with a mighty dinner, and to u?« the words of a great Dutch pott, " Brimful of wrath and cabbage !" For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the midst ot his career, and mounting on a stump, addressed his troops in eloquent low Dutch, exhorting them to fight like duprels, and assuring them, that if they conquered they sliould got Y 24^ HISTORY OF plenty of booty; if they fell, they should be allowed the unparalleled satisfaction, while dying, of reflecting that it was in the service of their country ; and after they were dead, of seeing their names inscribed in the temple of renown, and handed down in company with all the other great men of the year, for the admiration of posterity. Finally, he swore to them, on the word of a governor (and they knew him too well to doubt for a moment), that if he caught any mother's son of them looking pale, or play- ing craven, he'd curry his hide till he made him run out of it like a snake in spring-time. Then lugging out his trusty sabre, he brandished it three times over his head, ordered Van Corlear to sound a tremendous charge, and shouting the word " St Nicholas and the Manhattoes !" courageously dashed forwards. His warlike followers, who had employed the interval in lighting their pipes, instantly stuck them in their mouths, gave a furious puff, and charged gallantly un- der cover of the smoke. The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cunning Risingh not to fire until they could distinguish the whites of their assailants' eyes, stood in horrid silence on the covert-way, until the eager Dutchmen had ascended the glacis. Then did they pour into them such a tremendous volley, that the very hills quaked around, and were terrified even unto an incontinence of water, insomuch that certain springs burst forth from their sides, which continue to run unto the present day. Not a Dutchman but would have bitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire, had not the protecting Minerva kindly taken care that the Sv/edes should, one and all, observe their usual custom of shutting their eyes, and turning away their heads, at the moment of discharge. The Swedes followed up their fire, by leaplug the counterscarp, and falling tooth and nail upon the foe, with furious outcries. And now might be seen prodigies of valour, of which neither history nor song have ever recorded a parallel. Here was beheld the sturdy StofFel Brinkerhoff brandishing his lusty quarter-staff, like the terrible giant Blanderon his oak tree (for he scorned to carry any other weapon), and drumming an horrific tune upon the heads of whole squadrons of Swedes. There were the crafty Van Kortlandts, posted at a distance, like the Locrian archers of yore, and plying it most potently with the long-bow, for which they v.ere so justly NEW YORK,. 243 leuowned. At another place was cdlUcted ou a i isiiig knoll the valiant men of Sing-Sing, who assisted marvel- lously in the fight, by chanting forth the great song of St. Nicholas; but as to the Gardeniers of Hudson, they were absent from the battle, having been sent out on a marauding p nty, to lay waste the neighbouring water- melon patches. • Iti a different part of the tield might be seen the Van Grolls of Anthony's nose; bul they were horribly perplexed in a dehle between two little hills, by reason of the length of their noses. There were the Van Bunschotens of Nyack and Kakiat, so renowned for kickino- with the left foot ; but their skill availed them little St present, being short of wind, in consequence of the hearty dinner they had eaten : and they would irretrievably have been put to rout, had they not been reinforced by a g:i!lant corps of VoUigeurSy composed of the Hoppers, who advanced to their assistance nimbly on one foot. Nor must I omit to mention the incomparable achievements of Anthony Von Corlear, who for a good quajter of an hour, wa|;ed stubborn fight wilh a little pursy Swedish drummer, whose hide he drummed most magnificently; and had he not come into the battle with no othei- weapon but his trumpet, would infallibly have put him to an untimely end. But now the combat thickened : on came the mighty Jacobus Varra Vanger, and the fighting men of the Wall- about ; after them thundered tiie Van Pelts of Esopus, togethervvith the Van Rippers and the V^an Brunts, bear- ing down all before them ; then the Suy Dams and the Van Dams, pressing forward with many a blustering oath, at the head of the warriors of Hell-gate, clad in their thunder and lightning gaberdi:ies ; and lastly, the standard- bearers and body-guards of Peter Stuyvesant, bearing the great beaver of the Manhattoes. And now commence the horrid din, the desperate struggle, the maddening ferocity, the frantic desperation, the confusion, and self-abandonment of war, Dutchman and Swede commingled, tugged, panted, and blowed. The heavens were darkened with a tempest of missives. Bang ! went the guns — whack 1 struck the broadswords — thump ! went the cudgels — crash ! went the musket-stocks-— blows — kicks-— cuffs — scratches— black eyes and bloody no.ses swelling the horrors of the scene ! I'hwick-thwack, cut and hack, helter-skelter, higgledy-piggedly, hurlev-burley, \2 944 HISTORY or head over heels, rough and tumble ! — Dunder and blixum ! swore the Dutchman splitter and splutlter 1 cried the Swedes.— Storm the works ! shouted Hard-koppi^ Peter. Fire the mine ! roared out stout Risingh. — Tantara-ra-ra ! twangM the trumpet of Anthony Van Corlear- until all voice and sound became unintelligible ; grunts of pain, yells of fury, and shouts of triumph, commingled in one hideous clamour. The earth shook as if struck with a paralytic stroke—trees shrunk aghast, and withered at the sight rocks burrowed in the ground like rabbits, and even Christina-creek turned from its course, and ran up a mountain in breathless terror. Long hung the contest doubtful j for though a heavy shower of rain, sent by the "cloud (Tompelling Jove," in some measure cooled their ardour, as doth a bucket of water thrown on a group of fighting mastiffs, yet did they but pause for a moment, to return with tenfold fury to the charge, belabouring each other with black and bloody bruises. Just at this juncture was seen a vast and dense column of smoke, slowly rolling towards tDe scene of battle, which for a while made even the furious combatants to stay their arms in mute astonishment ; but the wind for a moment dispersing the murky cloud, from the midst thereof emerged the flaunting banner of the immortal Michael Paw. This noble chieftain came fearlessly on, leading a solid phalanx of oyster-fed Pavonians, who had remained behind, partly as a corps de resei've, and partly to digest the enormous dinner they had eaten. These sturdy yeomen, nothing daunted, did trudge manfully forward, smoking their pipes with outrageous vigour, so as to raise the awful cloud that has been mentioned ; but marching exceedingly slow, being short of leg, and of great rotundity in the belt. And now the protecting deities of the army of New Amsterdam, having unthinkingly left the field, and stepped into a neighbouring tavern to refresh themselves with a pot of beer, a direful catastrophe had well nigh chanced to befal the Nederlanders. Scarcely had the myrmidons of the puissant Paw attained the front of battle, before the Swedes, instructed by the cunning Risingh, levelled a shower of blows full at their tobacco pipes. Astounded at this unexpected assault, and totally discomfited at seeing their pipes broken, the valiant Dutchmen fell into vast confusion. Already they begin to fly like a frightened NEW YORK. 245 drove of unwieldy elephants, they throw their own army in an uproar, bearing down a whole legion of little Hop- pers ; the sacred banner, on which is emblazoned the gigantic oyster of Communipaw, is trampled in the dirt •, the Swedes pluck up new spirits, and pressing on their rear, apply their feet, d parte poste^ with a vigour that pro iligiously accelerates their motions ; nor doth the renowned Paw himself fail to receive divers grievous and dishonoui able visitations of shoe-leather ! But what, oh Muse ! was the rage of the gallant Peter, when from afar he saw his army yield ? With a voice of thunder did he roar after his recreant warriors, putting up such a war-whoop as did the stern Achilles, when the Trojan troops were on the point of burning all his galleys. The men of the Manhattoes plucked up new courage wiien they heard their leader ; or ratlier they dreaded his fierce displeasure, of which they stood in more awe than of all the Swedes in Christendom ; but the daring Peter not waiting for their aid, plunged sword in hand, into the thickest of the foe. Then did he display some such incredible achievements as have never been known since the miracn- luus days of the giants. Wherever he went the enemy shrunk before him j with fierce impetuosity he pushed forward, driving the Swedes like do;^s, into their own ditch 5 but as he fearlessly advanced, the foe, like rushing waves which close upon the scudding bark, thronged upon his rear, and hung upon his flank with fearful peril. One crafty Swede, advancing warily on one side, drove his dastard sword full at the hero's heart ; but the protecting power that watches over the safety of all great and good men, turned aside the hostile blade, and directed it to a side pocket, where reposed an enormous iron tobacco-box, endowed, like the shield of Achilles, with supernatural powers, no doubt in consequence of its being piously decorated with a portrait of the blessed St. Nicholas. Thus was thedieadful blow repelled, but not without occasioning to the great Peter a fearful loss of wind. Like as a furious bear, when gored by worrying curs, tuins fiercely round, gnashes his teeth, and springs upon the foe, so did our liero turn upon the treacherous Swede. The miserable varlet sought in flight for safety ; but the active Peter, seizing him by an immeasurable queue, that da:!gled froui his head, — "Ah, whoreson caterpillar!" 246 HISTORY or roared he, "here is what shall make clog's meat of thee !" So saying, he whirled his trusty sword, and made a blow that would have decapitated him, had he, like Briareus, half a hundred heads, but that the pitying steel struck short, and shaved a qneue for ever from his crown. At that very moment, a cunning arquebusier, perched on the summit of a neighbouring mound, levelled his deadly instrument, and would have sent the gallant Stuyvesant a wailing ghost to haunt the Stygian shore, had not the watchful Minerva, who had just stopped to tie up her garters, saw the great peril of her favourite chief, and despatched old Boreas with his bellows, who in the very nick of time, just as the direful match descended to the pan, gave such a lucky blast as blew all the priming from the touch-hole ! Thus he waged the horrid fight, when the stout Risingh, surveying the battle from the top of a little ravelin, per- ceived his faithful troops banged, beaten, and kicked by the invincible Peter. Language cannot describe the choler with which he was seized at the sight. He only stopped for a moment to disburden himself of five Ihou- fand anathemas ; and then drawing his immeasurable falchion, straddled down to the field of combat, with some such thundering strides as Jupiter is said by Hcsiod to have taken, when he strode down the spheres to hurl his thunderbolts at the Titans. No sooner did these two rival heroes come face to face, than they each made a prodigious start, such as is made by your most experienced stage champions. Then did they regard each other for a moment with bitter aspect, like two furious ram-cats on the very point of a clapper- clawing. Then did they throw themselves in one attitude, then in another, striking their swords on the ground, first on the right side, then on the left ; at last, at it they went, like five hundred houses on fire ! Words cannot tell the prodigies of strength and valour displayed on this direful encounter— an encounter, compared to which the far famed battles of A j ax with Hector, of iEneas with Turnus, Orlando with Rodomont, Guy of Warwick with Colbiand, the Dane, or of that renowned Welsh knight. Sir Owen of the Mountains with the giant Guylon, were all gentle sports and holiday recreations. At length the valiant Peter, watching his opportunity, aimed a fearful blow. NEW YORK. 247 with Ihe full intention of cleaving his adversary to the very chine; but Risingh, nimbly raising his sword, warded it oft' so narrowly that, glancing on one side, it shaved away a huge canteen that he always carried swung on one side ; thence pursuing its trenchant course, it severed oft' a deep coat-pocket, stored with bread and cheese j all which dainties, rolling among the armies, occasioned a fearful scrambling between the Swedes and Dutchmen, and made the general battle to wax ten times more furious than ever. Enraged to see his military stores thus wofully laid waste, the stout Risingh, collecting all his forces, aimed a mighty blow full at the hero's crest. In vain did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its course j the biting steel clove through the stubborn ram beaver, and would infallibly have cracked his crown, but that the skull was of such adamantine hardness that the brittle weapon shivered into pieces, shedding a thousand sparks^ like beams of glory, round his grisly visage. Stunned with the blow, the valiant Peter reeled, tunied up his eyes, and beheld fifty thousand suns, besides moons and stars, dancing about the firmament: at length, missing his footing, by reason of Ws wooden leg, down he came on his seat of honour, with a crash that shook the sur- rounding hills, and would infallibly have wracked his ana- tomical system, had he not been received into a cushion softer than velvet, which Providence, or Minerva, or St. Nicholas, or some kindly cow, had benevolently prepared for his reception. The furious Risingh, in despite of that noble maxim, cherished by all true knights, that " fair play is a jewel," hastened to take advantage of the hero's fall ; but just as he was stooping to give the fatal blow, the ever vigilant Peter bestowed him a sturdy thwack over the sconce, with his wooden leg, that set some dozen chimes of bells rmg ing triple bobmajors in his cerebellum. The bewildered Swede staggered with the blow, and in the meantime the wary Peter, espying a pocket pistol lying hard by (wh ch had dropped from the wallet of his faithful squire and trumpeter, Van Corlear, during his furious encounter with the drummer), discharged it full at the head of the reeling Risingh. Let not my reader mistake — it was not 248 HISTORY OF a murderous weapon loa»ie(l u illi powder and ball, hist a iillle slui of yore, for the lordly dimensions of his nose, which 254 HISTORY OF projected from the centre of his countenance, like the beak of a parrot. He was the ^reat progenitor of the tribe of the Beekmans, one of the most ancient and honourable families of the province, the members of which do grate- fully commemorate the origin of their dignity, not as your noble families in England would do, by having a glowing proboscis emblazoned in their escutcheon, but by one and all wearing a right goodly nose, stuck in the very middle of their faces. Thus was this perilous enterprise gloriously terminated, with the loss of only two men : Wolfert Van Home, a tall spare man, who was knocked overboard by the boom of a sloop in a flaw of wind j and fat Brom Van Brummel, who was suddenly carried off by an indigestion : both, however, were immortalized, as having bravely fallen in the service of their country. True it is, Peter Stuyvesant had one of his limbs terribly fractured, being shattered to pieces in the act of storming the fortress j but as it was fortunately his wooden leg, the wound was promptly and effectually healed. And now nothing remains to this branch of my history, but to mention that this immaculate hero, and his victori- ous army, returned joyously lo the Manhattoes, marching under the shade of their laurels, as did the followers of young Malcolm, under the moving forest of Dunsinane. Thus did they make a solemn and triumphant entry into New Amsterdam, bearing with them the conquered Ri- singh, and the remnant of his battered crew, who had refused allegiance. For it appears that the gigantic Swede had only fallen into a swoon, at the end of the battle, from whence he was speedily restored by a wholesome tweak of the nose. These captive heroes were lodged, according to the promise of the governor, at the public expense, in a fair and spacious castle •, being the prison of state, of which Stoffel Brinkerhoff, the immortal conqueror of Oyster Bay, was appointed governor 5 and which has ever since remained in the possession of his descendants.* ■ This castle, though very much altered and modernized, is still iu being, fcud stands at the corner of Pearl -street, facing Coeutie't Blip. NEW YORK. 255 It was a pleasant and goodly sigrlit to witness the joy of the people of New Amsterdam, at behold hig their war- riors once more returned from this war in tlie wilderness. The old women thronged round Anthony Van (.orlear who gave the whole histoiy of the camgaign with match- less accuracy ; saving tiiat he took the credit of figiiting the whole battle himself, and especially of vanquishing the stout Risingh, which he considered himself as clearly entitled to, seeing that it Mas effected by his own stone pottle. The schoolmasters throughout the town gave holiday to their little urchins, who followed in droves after the drums, with paper caps on their heads, and sticks in their breeches, thus taking the first lesson in the art of war. As to the sturdy rabble, they thronged at the heels of Peter Sluyvesant wherever he went, waving their greasy hats in the air, and shouting « Hard-koppig Piet for ever !" It was, indeed, a day of roaring rout and jubilee, A huge dinner was prepared at the Stadthouse in honour of the conquerors, where were assembled in one glorious con- stellation, the great and the little luminaries of New-Am- sterdam. There were the lordly schout and his obsequi- ous deputy — the burgomasters with their officious schepens at their elbows— the subaltern officers at the elbows of the schepens ; and so on, to the lowest grade of illustrious hangers-on of police ; every tag having his rag at his side, to hnish his pipe, drink off his heel-taps, and laugh at his flights of immortal dullness. In short, for a city feast is a city feast all the world over, and has been a city feast ever since the creation ; the dinner went off much the same as do our gieat corporation junketings, and fourth of July banquets. Loads of fish, flesh, and fowl, were devoured, oceans of liquor drunk, thousands of pipes smoked, and many a dull joke honoured with much obstreperous fat- sided laughter, 1 must not omit to mention, that to this far famed victory Peter Stuyvesant was indebted for another of his " many titles ; tor so hugely delighted were the honest burghers with his achievements, \hat they uaanimoufily z2 256 HISTORY OF honoured him with the name of Pieter de Groodt, that is to say, Peter the Great, or, as it was translated by the people of New Amsterdam, Piet de Pig — an appellation which he maintained even unto the day of his death. NEW YORK. 257 BOOK SEVENTH. CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE RFIGN OF PKTER THE H EADSTRONG-KIS TROtCLES WITH THE tRITISH NATION; AND THE DECLINE AND F.4LL OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY. CHAP. I. Ho7c Peter Stmjvesant reliered tJ^ Sovereian Peovie from the burthen of takin, care of the NauL-Z^tl sundry particulars of his conduct in timeof PeaZ meTa" Choi v'^';L'^ *^' V,f^" "' ^'''' Stuyvesant furnishes a melducholy picture of the incessant cares and vexations in separable tioni government; and may serve aTa so emn Marnn,o- to all who are ambi'tious of at'ta' ni ,t the seat of rj-anr::;'-'"""'"^^ -Uh victory, enrfched brcon- ues and leturnnig ,a tr.umph to his metropolis, his ex- ultation was checked by beholding the sad abuses that had taken place during the short interval of his absence Ine populace, unfortunately for their own comfort had taken a deep draught of the intoxicating cup of .'.vl. during the reign of William the Testy ; and thot^Ai' unon he accession of Peter Stuyvesant, they' felt, with a certa nstinctiye perception, which mobs as wel as caUle pos sess that the reins of government had passed i.ito st'^nl: hands ; yet could they not help fretting, and chafinra^'d champing upon the bit, in restive silence ^' ir^i^"?"'' ^J '"""'^ '^'"^"^^ ^"^ inscrutable fatality, to be the destiny of most countries (and more esueriUlv ?. ■ ei^ightened republics), alway^ to be gov ned ty'th ro't incompetent man in the nation ; so that you w Hi scared v find an individual throughout the u hole communty but who will detect to you innumerable errors in aS uisUa- tion and convince you in the end, that had he bee at he head of afiairs, matters would have gone on a tl^^u a^^ tunes more DrosnprnnuUr c< i . mousantl y>.\nA^ ^ILI\ \}ll ^- .^^^'-^'V?,^ ! that government, wnuii i^iufi to be^u geuerally understood!, should in va- 558 HISTORY OF riably be so eironeously administered — strange, that the talent of leiatislation, so prodij^ally bestowed, should be denied to the only man in the nation to whose station it is requisite ! Thus it was in the present instance, not a man of all the herd of pseudo-politicians in New-Amsterdam, but was an oracle on topics of state, and could have directed public affairs incomparably better than Peter Stuyvesant. But so severe was the old governor in his disposition, that he would never suffer one of the multitude of able counsellorss by whom he was surrounded, to intrude his advice, and save the country from destruction. Scarcely, therefore, had he departed on his expedition against the Swedes, than the old faction of William Kieft's reign began to thrust their heads above water, and to gather together in political meetings, to discuss, " the state of the nation." At these assemblages the busy burgo- masters and their officious schepens made a very consider- able figure. These worthy dignitaries were no longer the fat, well fed, trauijuil magistrates, that presided in the peaceful days of Wouter Van Twiller. On the contrary, being elected by the people, they formed in a manner a sturdy bulwark between the mob and tiie administration. They were great candidates for popularity, and strenuous advocates for the rights of the rabble 5 resembling in disin- terested zeal the wide-mouthed tribunes of ancient Rome, or those virtuous patriots of modern days, emphatically denominated " the friends of the people." Under the tuition of these profound politicians, it is astonishing how suddenly enlightened the swinish multi- tude became, in matters above their comprehensions. Cobblers, tinkers, and tailors, all at once felt themselves inspired, like those religious idiots in the glorious times of monkish illumination ; and, without any previous study or experience, became instantly capable of directing all tiie movements of government. Nor must I neglect to men- tion a number of superannuated, wrong-headed old burghers, who had come over when boys, in the crew of the Goede Vromv, and were held up as infallible oracles by the enlightened mob. To suppose that a man who had helped to discover a country did not know how it ought to be g«s%erned, was preposterous in the extreme. It would have been deemed as much a heresy as, at the present NEW YORK. 259 day, to question the political talent and universal infal- libility of our old " heroes of '76" — and to doubt that lie who had fouo;ht for a government, however stupid he might naturally be, was not competent to fill any station under it. But as Peter Stuyvesant had a singular inclination to govern his province without the assistance of his subjects, he felt highly incensed on his return to find the factious appearance they had assumed during his absence. His first measure, therefore, was to restore perfect order, by prostrating the dignity of the sovereign people. He accordingly watched his opportunity, and one even- ing, when the enlightened mob was gathered together, listening to a patriotic speech from an inspired cobbler, the intrepid Peter, like his great namesake of all the Russias, all at once appeared among them, with a countenance suf- ficient to petrify a mill-stone. The whole meeting was thrown into consternation — the orator seemed to have received a paralytic stroke in the very middle of a sublime sentence, and stood aghast with open mouth and trembling knees, whilst the words horror ! tyranny ! liberty ! rights ! taxes '. death ! destruction ! and a deluge of other patrio- tic phrases, came roaring from his throat, before he had power to close his lips. The shrewd Peter took no notice of the skulking throng around him, but advancing to the brawling bully ruffian, and drawing out a huge silver watch, which might have served in times of yore as a town-clock, and which is still retained by his descendants as a family curiosity, requested the orator to mend it, and set it going. The orator humbly confessed it was utterly out of his power, as he was unacquainted with the nature of its con- struction. " Nay, but," said Peter, " try your ingenuity, man : you see all the springs and wheels, and how easily the clumsiest hand may stop it, and pull it to pieces 5 and why should it not be equally easy to regulate as to stop it?" The orator declared that his trade was wholly dif- ferent, he was a poor cobbler, and had never n>eddled with a watch in his life. That there were men skilled in the art, whose business it was to attend to those matters ; but for his part, he should only mar the workmanship, and put the whole in confusion — " Why, harkee, master of mine," cried Peter, turning suddenly upon him, with a countenance that almost petrified the patcher of shoes into 200 HISTORY OF a perfect lapstone — " dost thou pretend to meddle with the movements of government — to regulate and correct, and patch, and cobble a complicated machine, the princi- ples of which are above thy comprehension, and its sim- plest operations too subtle for thy understanding, when thou canst not correct a trifling error in a common piece of mechanism, the whole mystery of which is open to thy in- spection ? — Hence with thee to the leather and stone, which are emblems of thy head ; cobble thy shoes, and confine thyself to the vocation for which heaven has fitted thee — But," elevating his voice until it made the welkin ring, " if ever I catch thee, or any of thy tribe, meddling again with the affairs of government — by St. Nicholas, but I'll have every mother's bastard of ye fiea'd alive, and your hides stretched for drum-heads, that ye may thence- forth make a noise to some purpose !" This threat, and the tremendous voice in which it was uttered, caused the whole multitude to quake with fear. The hair of the orator rose on his head like his own swine's bristles, and not a knight of the thimble present but his heart died within him, and he felt as though he could have verily escaped through the eye of a needle. But though this measure produced the desired effect in reducing the community to order, yet it tended to injure the popularity of the great Peter among the enlightened vulgar. Many accused him of entertaining highly aristo- cratic sentiments, and of leaning too much in favour of the patricians. Indeed there appeared to be some grounds for such an accusation, as he always carried himself with a very lofty soldier-like port, and was somewhat particular in his dress ; dressing himself, when not in uniform, in simple but rich apparel 5 and was especially noted for having his sound leg (which was a very comely one) always arrayed in a red stocking and high-heeled shoe. Though a man of great simplicity of manners, yet there was something about him that repelled rude familiarity, while it encouraged frank, and even social intercourse. He likewise observed some appearance of court cere- mony and etiquette. He received the common class of visitors on the stoop* before his door, according to the custom of our Dutch ancestors. But when visitors * Properly spelled stoeh: the porch comijiouly built in front of Dulth liouses, Willi benches on each side. NEW YORK. 261 were formally received in his parlour, it was expe<.ted they would appear in clean linen r, by no means to be bare-footed, and always to take their hats off. On public occasions he appeared with great pomp of equipage (for, in truth, his station required a liltle show and dignity), and always rode to church in a yellow waggon with flaming red wheels. These symptoms of state and ceremony occasioned con- siderable discontent among the vulgar. They had been accustomed to find easy access to their former governors, and in particular had lived on terms of extreme familiarity with William the Testy. Tliey therefore were very impa- tient of these dignified precautions, which discouraged intrusion. But Peter Stuyvesant had his own way of thinking in these matters, and was a stanch upholder of the dignity of office. He always maintained that government to be the least popular, which is most open to popular access and con- trol ; and that the very brawlers against court ceremony, and the reserve of men in power, would soon despise rulers among whom they found even theinselves to be of consequence. Such, at least, had been the case with the administration of William the Testy 5 who, bent on making himself popular, had listened to every man's advice, suf- fering every body to have admittance to his person at all hours ; and, in a word, treated every one as his thoiongli equal. By this means every sciub politician and pub- lic busy-body was enabled to mea ure wits with him, and to find out the true dimensions, not only of his person, but his mind. — And what great man can stand such scrutiny ? It is the mystery that envelops great men, that gives them half their greatness. We are already inclmed to think highly of those who hold themselves aloof from our examination. Tliere is likewise a kind of superstitious reverence for office, which leads us to exaggerate the merits and abilities of men in power, and to suppose that they must be constituted different from other men. And, indeed, faith is as necessary in politics as in religion. It certainly is of the first importance, that a country should be governed by wise men j but then it is almost equally mporlant, that the people should believe them to be wisej for this beliei" alone can produce willing subokdisialioii. 262 HISTORY OF To keep up, therefore, this desirable confidence i rulers, the people should be allowed to see as little ot them as possible. He who gains access to cabinets soon finds out by what foolishness the world is governed. He discovers that there is quackery in legislation, as well as in every thing else ; that many a measure, which is sup- posed by the million to be the result of great wisdom and deep deliberation, is the effect of mere chance, or perhaps of hair-brained experiment. — That rulers have their whims and errors as well as other men, and after all are not so wonderfully superior to their fellow-creatures as he at first imagined ; since he finds that even his own opinions have had some weight with them. I'hus awe subsides into con- fidence, confidence inspires familiarity, and familiarity produces contempt. Peter Stuyvesant, on the contrary, by conducting himself with dignity and loftiness, was looked up to with great reverence. As he never gave his reasons for any thing he did, the public always gave him credit for very profound ones. Every movement, however intrinsically unimportant, was a matter of speculation ; and his very red stockings excited some respect, as being dif- ferent from the stockings of other men. To these times may we refer the rise of family pride and aristocratical distinctions ;* and indeed I cannot but look back with reverence to the early planting of those mighty Dutch families, which have taken such vigorous root, and branched out so luxuriantly in our state. The blood which has flowed down uncontaminated through a succession of steady, virtuous generations, since the times of the patri- archs of Communipaw, must certainly be pure and worthy. And if so, then are the Van Kensellears, the Van Zandts, the Van Homes, the Rutgers, the Bensons, the Brinker- boffs, the Schermerhor»\s, and all the true descendants of the ancient Pavouians, the only legitimate nobility and real lords of ihe soil. 1 have been led to mention thus particularly the well- authenticated claims of our genuine Dutch families, be- cause I have noticed with great sorrow and vexation, that ' In a work published many years after the time here tieated of (in 1701, by C. W.A. M.) it is meutioned that Frederick Pliilipse was counted the lichest Mynheer in New-York, and was said to have whole hogsheads ot Indian money or wampum; and had a son and dauffhter, who, according to the Dutch custom, should divide it equal ' EW YORK. 268 tliey have been somewhat elbowed aside in latter clays, by foreign intruders. It is really astonishin;^ to behold how many great families have sprung up of late years, who pride themselves excessively on the score of ancestry. Thus he who can look up to his father without humilia- tion assumes not a little importance — he who can safely talk of his grandfather is still more vain-glorious — but he who can look to his great grandfather without blushing is absolutely intolerable in his pretensions to family. — Bless us ! what a piece of work is here, between these mushrooms of an hour and these mushrooms of a day ! Bnt from what 1 have recounted in the former part of this chapter, I would not have my readers imagine that the great Peter was a tyrannical governor, ruling his subjects with a rod of iron — on the contrary, where the dignity of authority was not implicated, he abounded with gene- rosity and courteous condescension. In fact he really believed, though 1 fear my more enlightened republican readers will consider it a proof of his ignorance and illi- berality, that in preventing the cup of social life from being dashed with the intoxicating ingredient of politics, he promoted the tranquillity and happiness of the people — and by detaciiing their minds from subjects which they could not understand, and which only tended to inflame their passions, he enabled them to attend more faithfully and industriously to their proper callings ; becoming more useful citizens, and more attentive to their families and fortunes. So far fi-om having any unreasonable austerity, he delighted to see the poor and the labouring man rejoice, and for this purpose was a great promoter of holidays and public amusements. Under his reign was first introduced the custom of cracking eggs at Paas or Easter. New- year's Day was also observed with extravagant festivity — and ushered in by the ringing of bells and firing of guns. Every house was a temple of the jolly god. Oceans of cherry brandy, true Hollands, and mulled cider, were set aBoat on the occasion ; and not a poor man in town but made it a point to get drunk, out of a principle of pure economy— taking in liquor enough to serve him for half a year afterwards. It would have done one's heart good also to have seen 264 HISTOUY or the raliant Peter, sealed among the old burghers and their wives of a Saturday afternoon, under the g^reat trees tluit spread their shade over the Battery, watching the young men and women as they danced on the green. Here he would smoke his pipe, crack his joke, and forget tlie rag- ged toils of war in the sweet oblivious festivities of peace. He would occasionally give a nod of approbation to those of the young men who shuffled and kicked most vigorously, and now and then give a hearty smack, in all honesty of soul, to the buxom lass that held out longest, and tired down all her competitors, which he considered as infallible proofs of her being the best dancer. Once it is true the harmony of the meeting was rather interrupted. A young vrouw, of great figure in the gay world, and who, having lately come from Holland, of course led the fashions in the city, made her appearance in not more than half a dozen petticoats, and those too of most alarming short- uess.— A universal whisper ran through the assembly ; the old ladies all felt shocked in the extreme, the young ladies blushed and felt excessively for the « poor thing," and even the governor himself was observed to be a little troubled in mind. To complete the astonishment of the good folks, she undertook, in the course of a jig, to describe some astonishing figures in algebra, which she had learned from a dancing master in Rotterdam. — Whether she was too animated in flourishing her feet, or whether some vagabond Zephyr took the liberty of obtruding his services, certain it is, thrtt in the course of a grand evolu- tion which would not have disgraced a modern ball room, she made a most unexpected display— whereat the whole assembly was thrown into great admiration, several grave countiy members were not a little moved, and the good Peter himself, who was a man of unparalleled modesty, felt himself grievously scandalized. The shortness of the female dresses, which had conti- nued in fashion ever since the days of William Kieft, had long oflended his eye ; and though extremely averse to meddling with the petticoats of the ladies, yet he imme- diately recommended that every one should be furnished with a flounce to the bottom. He likewise ordered that the ladies, and indeed the gentlemen, should use no other step in dancing than shuffle and turn, and double trouble ; NEW YORK. 263 and forbade, under pain of his high displeasure, any young lady thenceforth to attempt what was termed, " exhibiting the graces." These were the only restrictions he ever imposed upon the sex, and these were considered by them as tyrannical oppressions, and resisted with that becoming spirit always manifested by the gentle sex whenever theii- privileges are invaded. — In fact, Peter Stnyvesant plainly perceived, that if he attempted to push the matter any further, there was danger of their leaving off petticoats altogether ; so, like a wise man experienced in the ways of women, he held his peace, and suffered them ever after to wear their petticoats and cut their capers as high as they pleased. «*^r ^^ .#^' .#>^ CHAP. 11. ^010 Peter Stuyvcsant wo.'i much molested hy the Mosa- Troopers of the East, and the Giants of Merry-land ; and how a dark and horrid Conspiracy was carried on in the British Cabinet ar/ainst the prosperity of the Manhattoes. We are now approaching towards the crisis of our work, and if 1 be not mistaken in my foreboding, we shall have world of business to despatch in the ensuing chapters. It is with some communities as it is with certain med- dlesome individuals, they have a wonderful facility at getting into scrapes ; and I have always remarked, tliat those are most liable to get in, who have the least talent at getting out again. This is, doubtless, owing to the excessive valour of those states j for 1 have likewise no- ticed that this rampant and ungovernable quality is always most unruly where most confined, which accounts for its vapouring so amazingly in little states, little men, and ugly little women more especially. Thus, when one reflects that the province of the Man- hattoes, though of prodigious importance in the eyes of its inhabitants and its historian, was really of no very great consequence in the eyes of the rest of the world ; that it lad but little wealth or other spoils to reward the trouble tf assailing it, and that it had nothing to expect from ruu- A A 266 HISTORY OF ning wantonly into war, save an exceeding good beating; on pondering these things, I say, one would utterly despair of finding in its history either battle or bloodshed, or any other of those calamities which give importance to a nation, and entertainment to the reader. But, on the contrary, we find, so valiant is this province, that it has already drawn upon itself a host of enemies 5 has had as many buftetings as ^vould gratify the ambition of the most warlike nation j and is, in sober sadness, a very forlorn, distressed, and woe-begone little province ; — all which was, no doubt, kindly ordered by Providence, to give interest and sublimity to this pathetic history. But 1 forbear to enter into a detail of the pitiful ma- raudings and harassments that for a long while after the victory on the Delaware, continued to insult the dignity, and disturb the repose of the Nederlanders. Suffice it in brevity to say, that the implacable hostility of the people of the east, which had so miraculously been pre- vented from breaking out, as my readers must remember, by the sudden prevalence of witchcraft, and the dissen- sions in the council of Amphyctions, now again displayed itself in a thousand grievous and bitter scourings upon the borders. Scarcely a month passed but what the Dutch settle- ments on the frontiers were alarmed by the sudden appear- ance of an invading army from Connecticut. This would advance resolutely through the country, like a puissant caravan of the deseits, the women and children mounted in carts loaded with pots and kettles, as though they meant to boil the hcmest Dutchmen alive, and devour them like so many lobsters. At the tail of these carts would stalk a crew of long-limbed, lank-sided varlets, with axes on their shoulders, and packs on their backs, reso- lutely bent upon improving the country in despite of its proprietors. These, settling themselves down, would in a short time completely dislodge the unfortunate Nederlan- ders, elbowing them out of those rich bottoms and fertile valleys in which our Dutch yeomanry are so famous for nestling themselves ; for it is notorious, that wherever these shrewd men of the east get a footing, the honest Dutchmen do gradually disappear, retiring slowly, like the Indians before the Whites, being totally discomfited by the NEW YOPK. 267 talking, schaffeiing', swapping, bargaining disposilixm of their new neighbours. All these audacious infringements on the territories of their high mightinesses were accompanied, as has before been hinted, by a world of rascally brawls, rib-roastings, and bundlings, which would doubtless have incensed the valiant Peter to wreak immediate chastisement, had he not at the very same time been peri)lexed by distressing accounts from Mynheer Beckman, who commanded the territories at South river. The restless Swedes, who had so graciously been suf- fered to remain about the Delaware, already began to show signs of mutiny and disaffection. But what was worse, a peremptory claim was laid to the whole territory, as the rightful property of Lord Baltimore, by Feudal, a chieftain who lived over the colony of Maryland, or Mer- ry-land, as it was anciently called, because the inhabitants, not having the fear of the Lord before their eyes, were notoriously prone to get fuddled and make merry with mint-julep and apple-toddy. Nay, so hostile was this bully Feudal, that he threatened, unless his claim were instantly complied with, to march incontinently at the head of a potent force of the roaring boys of Merry-land, together with a great and mighty train of giants, who in- fested the banks of the Susquehannah ;* and to lay waste and depopulate the whole country of South river. By this it is manifest, that this boasted colony, like all great acquisitions of territory, soon became a greater evil to the conqueror than the loss of it was to the cjuqueie;!, and caused greater uneasiness and trouble than all the teirilory of the New Netherlands be ides. Thus Provi- ' We find very curious and wonderful accounts of these strange pponle (wlio were doubtless the ancestois of the present Mitry- Irtuders) made l)y Master Harlot, in liis interesting history. " Tiie Susquesrthanocks,'" observes he, " are a giantly people, stranjre in pro- portion, behaviour, and attire ; their voices sounding from Ihf m as if out of a cave. Their tobacco-pipes were three quarters of a yard long, carved at tiie great end with a bird, beare, or other device suf- ficient to beat out the braines of a hor-e (and how many asses' braines are beaten out, or rather men's braines smoked oi;t, and asses" brains haled in, by our lesser pipes at home.) Ttie calfe of one of fheir legges was measured three f^uarters of a yard about, the rest of his limbs proportionable " Master HarioVs Journ. Pureh. Pil, A A 2 268 HISTORY OF deuce wisely ordei-s that one evil shall balance another. The conqueror who wrests the pioperty of his neighbours, who wrongs a nation and desolates a country, though he may acquire increase of empire, and immortal fame, yet insures his own inevitable punishment. He takes to him- self a cause of endless anxiety — he incorporates with his late sound domain a loose part — a rotten, disafiected njcmber; which is an exhaustless source of internal trea- son and disunion, and external altercation and hostility. — Happy is that nation, which, compact, united, loyal in all its parts, and concentrated in its strength, seeks no idle acquisition of unprolitable and ungovernable territory — which, content to be prosperous and happy, has no ambi- tion to be great. It is like a man well organized in all his system, sound in health, and full of vigour ; unincum- bered by useless trappings, and fixed in an unshaken atti- tude. But the nation, insatiable of territory, whose domains are scattered, feebly united, and weakly or^nized, is like a senseless miser sprawling among golden stores, open to every attack, and unable to defend the riches he vainly endeavours to overshadow. At the time of receiving the alarming dispatches from South river, the great Peler was busily employed in quell- ing certain Indian troubles that had broken out about Esopus, and was moreover meditating how to relieve his eastern borders on the Connecticut. He, however, sent word to Mynheer Beckman to be of good heart, to maintain incessant vigilance, and to let him know, if matters wore a more threatening appearance ; in which case he would incontinently repair with his warriors of the Hudson to spoil the merriment of these Merry-landers j for he coveted exceedingly to have a bout, hand to hand, with some half a score of these giants — having never encountered a giant in his whole life, unless we may so call the stout Rising!) ; and he was but a little one. Nothing further, however, occurred to molest the tran quillily of Mynheer Beckman and his colony. Feudal and his myrmidons ramained at home, carousing it soundly upon hoe-cakes, bacon, and mint-julep, and running horses, and fighting cocks, for which they were greatly renowned. At hearing of this, Peter Stuyvesant was very well pleased ; for, notwithstanding his inclination to measure weapons with these moustrous men of the Sus- NEW YORK. 269 quehannah, yet he had ah-ea«ly as much employment nearer home as he could turn his hands to. Little did he tliink, worthy soul, that this southern calm was but the deceitful prelude to a most terrible and fatal storm then brewing, which was soon to burst forth and overwhelm the unsus- pecting city of New Amsterdam ! Now so it was, that while this excellent governor was giving his little senate laws, and not only giving tliem, but enforcing them too — while he was incessantly travel ling the rounds of his beloved province — posting from place to place to redress grievances, and while busy at one corner of his dominions, all the rest getting into an uproar ; — at this very time, I say, a dark, and direful pSol, was hatching against him, in that nursery of monstrous ])rojects, the British cabinet. The news of his achieve ruents on the Delaware, according to a sage old historian of New- Amsterdam, had occasioned not a little talk and marvel in the courts of Europe. And the same profound writer assures us, that the cabinet of England began to entertain great jealousy and uneasiness at the increasing power of the Manhattoes, and the valour of its sturdy yeomanry. Agents, the historian observes, were sent by the Am- phyctioiiic council of the east, to entreat the assistance of the British cabinet in subjugating this mighty province. Lord Sterling also asserted his right to Long-Island ; and, at the same time, Lord Baltimore, whase agent, as has been before mentioned, had so alarmed Mynheer Beck- man, laid his claim before the cabinet, to tlie lauds of South River, which he complained were unjustly and forcibly detained from him, by these daring usurpers of the Nieuw Nederlandts. Thus did the unlucky empire of the Manhattoes stand in imminent danger of experiencing the fate of Poland, and being torn limb from limb to be shared among its gavage neighbours. But while these rapacious powers were whetting their fangs, and waiting for the signal to fall tooth and nail upon this delicious little fat Dutch empire ; the lordly lion who sat as umpire, all at once laid his mighty paw upon the spoil, and settled the cltiims of all parties by granting none of them. For we are told, t'lat his majesty, Charles the Second, not to be perplexed by aiijusting these several pretejisiows, made a present of i70 HISTORY or a large tiact of North Ameiica, includiiipf the province of New Nederlandts, to his brother the Duke of York — a donation truly loyal, since none but great monarchs have a right to give away what does not belong to them. That this munificent gift might not be merely nominal, his majesty, on the 12th of March, 1664, ordered that an armament should be forthwith prepared, to invade the city of New-Amsterdam by land and water, and put his brother in complete possession of the premises. Thus critically are situated the attairs of the New Netherlanders. The honest burghers, so far from thinking of the jeopardy in which their interests are placed, are soberly smoking their pipes, and thinking of nothing at all — the privy counsellors of the province are at this moment snoring in full quorum, like the drones of five hundred bagpipes ; while the active Peter, who takes all the labour of thinking and acting upon himself, is busily devising some method of bringing the grand council of Amphyc- tions to terms. In the meanwhile an angry cloud is darkly scowling on the horizon — soon shall it rattle about the ears of these dozing Nederlanders, and put the mettle of their stout-heai ted governor completely to the trial. But come what may, I here pledge my veracity, that in all warlike conflicts and subtle perplexities, he shall stiK acquit himself with the gallant bearings and spotless honour of a noble minded obstinate old cavalier. Forward, then, to the charge ! — shine out, propitious stars, on the renowned city of the Manhattoes ; and may the blessings of St. Nicholas go with thee — honest Peter Stuyvesant ! CHAP. III. Of Peter Stuyvesanf's Expedition into the East f Coun- try ; showing that thoiufh an old Bird, he did not under- stand Trap. Great nations resemble great men in this particular, that their greatness is seldom known until they get in trouble ; adversity, therefore, has been wisely deno.ninated the ordeal of true greatness, which like gold can never receive its real estimation until it has passed through the NEW YORK. 271 furnace. In proportion, therefore, as a nation, a commu- nity, or an individual (possessing the inherent quality of gieatness) is involved in perils and misfortunes, in propor- tion does it rise in grandeur — and even when sinking under calamity, makes, like a house on fire, a more glorious display than ever it did in the fairest period of its prosperity. The vast empire of China, though teeming with pojxila- tion, and imbibing and concentrating the wealth of nations, has vegetated through a succession of drowsy ages ; and were it not for its internal revolution, and the subversion of its ancient government by the Tartars, might have presented nothing but an uninteresting detail of dull, monotonous prosperity. Pompeii and Herculaneum might have passed into oblivion, with a herd of their contempo- raries, had they not been fortunately overwhelmed by a volcano. The renowned city of Troy has acquired cele- brity only from its ten years' distress and final conflagra- tion 5 Paris rises in importance by the plots and massacres which have ended in the exaltation of the illustrious Napoleon j and even the mighty London itself has skulked through the records of time, celebrated for nothing of moment, excepting the plague, the great fire, and Guy Faux's gunpowder plot ! Thus cities and empires seem to creep along, enlarging in silent obscurity under the j)en of the historian, until at length they burst forth in some tremendous calamity, and snatch, as it were, immor- tality from the explosion ! The above principle being admitted, my reader will plainly perceive that the city of New-Amsterdam and its dependent province are on the high road to greatness. Dangers and hostilities threaten from every side, and it is really a matter of astonishment to me, how so small a state has been able in so short a time to entangle itself in so many difficulties. Ever since the province was first taken by the nose, at the Fort of Good Hope, in the tranquil days of Wouter Van Twiller, has it been gradually increasing in historic importance j and never could it have had a more appropriate chieftain to conduct it to the pinnacle of grandeur, than Peter Stuyvesant. In the fiery heart of this iron-headed old warrior, sat enthroned all those five kinds of courage described by Aristotle 3 and hud tlie philotiopher mentioned rive hnu- 272 HISTORY OF died more to the back of Ihera, I verily believe he would have been found master of them all. The only misfor- tune was, that he was deficient in the better part of valour, called discretion, a cold-blooded virtue, which could not exist in the tropical climate of his mighty soul. Hence it was, he was continually hurrying into those unheard-of enterprises that gave an air of chivahic romance to all his history ; and hence it was, that he now conceived a project worthy of the hero of La Mancha himself. Tliis was no other than to repair in person to the gTeat council of the Amphyctions, bearing tlie sword in one hand, and the olive branch in the other 5 to require imme- diate reparation for the innumerable violations of that treaty, which, in an evil hour, he had formed ; to put a stop to those repeated maraudings on the eastern borders ; or else to throw his gauuUet, aAd appeal to arms for satis- faction. On declaring this resolution in the privy council, tl;e venerable members were seized with vast astonishment ; for once in their life they ventured to remonstrate, setting forth the rashness of exposing his sacred person in the midst of a strange and barbarous people, with sundry other weighty remonstrances — all which had about as much influence upon the determination of the headstrong Peter, as though you were to endeavour to turn a rusty weather- cock with a broken-winded bellows. Summoning, therefore, to his presence, his trusty follower, Antliony Van Corlear, he commanded him to hold himself in readiness to accompany him the following morning on this hazardous enterprise. Now Anthony, the trumpeter, was a little stricken in years, yet by dint of keeping up a good heart, and having never known care or sorrow (having never been married,) he was still a hearty, jocund, rubicond, gamesome wag, and of great capacity in the doublet. This last was ascribed to his living a jolly life on those domains at the Hook, which Peter Stuyvesant had granted to him fur his gallantry at Fort Casimir. Be this as it may, there was nothing that more delighted Anthony than this command of the great Peter ; for he could have followed t'le stout-hearted old governor to the world's end, with love and loyalty ; and he moreover still rciueuibercd the froli<:king and dancing, and bundling. NEW YORK. 273 a«il other disports of the east country ; and entertained dainty recolleetion of numerous kind and buxom lasses, whom he h)uged exceedingly a^ain to encounter. Thus, then, did this mirror of iiardihood set forth with no other attendant but his trumpeter, upon one of the most perilous enterprises ever recorded in the annals of knig'ht-errantry. For a single warrior to venture openly among a whole nation of foes ; but, above all, for a plain downright Dutchman to think of negotiating with the whole council of New England — never was there known a more desperate undertaking ! Ever since I have entered upon the chronicles of this peerless, but hitherto uncele- brated chieftain, has he kept me in a state of incessant action and anxiety with the toils and dangers he is con- stantly encountering. Oh! for a chapter of the tranquil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, that I might repose on it as on a feather bed ! Is it not enough, Peter Stuyvesant, that I have once already rescued thee from the machinations of these ten-'i''- Amphyctions, by bringing the whole powers of witchcratt to thine aid ? — Is it not enough, that I have followed thee iiudaunted, like a guardian spirit, into the midst of the horrid battles of Fort Christina? — That I have been put incessantly to my trumps to keep thee safe and sound — now warding off with my single pen the shower of das- tard blows that fell upon thy rear — now narrowly shielding thee from a deadly thrust by a mere tobacco-box — now casing thy dauntless skull with adamant, when even thy stubborn ram-beaver failed to resist the sword of the stout Risingh — and now, not merely bringing thee oft' alive, but triumphant, from the clutches of the gigantic Swede, by the desperate means of a paltry stone pottle ? — Is not all this enough, but must thou still be plunging into new difficulties, and jeopardizing in headlong enter- prises thyself, thy trumpeter, and thy historian ' And now the ruddy-faced Aurora, like a buxom cham- Hbermaid, diaws aside the sable curtains of the night, and out bounces from his bed the jolly red-haired Piioebus, BtLirtled at being caught so late in the embraces of dame Thetis. With many a stable oath he harnessed his brazen- footed steeds, and whips and lashes, and splashes up the firmament like a loitering post-boy, half an hour behind bis time. And now beiioJ** that imp of fame and proweas. 274 HISTORY OF the headstrong Peter, bestriding a raw-boned, switch-tailed charger, gallantly arrayed in lull regimentals, and bracing on his thigh that trnsty biass-hilted sword, which had wrought such fearful deeds on the banks of the Delaware. Behold, hard after him, his doughty trumpeter, Van Corlear, mounted on a broken-winded, wall-eyed, calico mare; his stone pottle, which had laid low the mighty Risingh, slung under his arm, and his trumpet displayed vauntingly in his right hand, decorated with a gorgeous banner on which is emblazoned the great beaver of the Manhattoes. See them proudly issuing out of the city gate, like an iron-clad hero of yore, with his faithful squire at his heels, the people following them wiih their eyes, and shouting many a parting wish, and hearty cheering. -Farewell, Hard-koppig Piet ! Farewell, honest An- thony ! — Pleasant be your warfaring— prosperous your return ! The stontes-t hero that ever drew a sword, and the worthiest trumpeter that ever trod shoe leather. Legends are lamentably silent about the events that befel our adventurers in this their adventurous travel, excepting the Scuyvesant manuscript, which gives the substance of a pleasant little heroic poem, written on the occasion by Domini ^Egidius Luyck,* who appears to have been the poet-laureate of New-Amsterdam. This inestimable manuscript assures us, that it was a rare spec- tacle to behold the great Peter, and his loyal follower, hailing the morning sun, and rejoicing in the clear coun- tenance of nature, asHhey pranced it through the pastoral scenes of Bloemen Dael,f which, hi those days, was a sweet and rural valley, beautified with many a bright wild-flower, refreshed by many a pure streamlet, and enlivened here and there by a delectable little Dutch cottage, sheltering under some sloping hill, and almost buried in embowering trees. Now did they enter upon the confines of Connecticut, where they encountered many grievous difficulties and perils. At one place they were assailed by a troop of country squires and militia colonels, who, mounted on * This Luyck was, moreover, rector of the Latin school in Nieuw Nederlandts, 1663. There are two pieces of .(Esridius Luyck ii) D. Sol yu's MSS of poesies, upon his mariiage with Judith Iseadoorn. Old MS. t Wow called BloomiDg Dale, about four miles from New-York. ' NKW YORK. 275 goodly steeds, hung upon their rear for several miles, harassing them exceedingly with guesses and questions, more especially the worthy Peter, whose silver chased leg excited not a little marvel. At another place, hard by the renowned town of Stamford, they were set upon by a great and mighty legion of church deacons, who im- periously demanded of them five shillings for travelling on Sunday, and threatened to carry ihem captive to a neigh- bouring church, whose steeple peered above the trees ; but these the valiant Peter put to rout with little difficulty, iusotuuch that they bestrode their canes and galloped oft' in horrible confusion, leaving their cocked hats behind in the hurry of their flight. But not so easily did lie escape from the hands of a crafty man of Pyquag ; who, with undaunted perseverance, and repeated onsets, fairly bar- gained him out of his goodly s-a itch-tailed charger, leaving him in place thereof a villainous, spavined, foundered Narraganset pacer. But, maugre all these hardships, they pursued their journey cheerily along the coai-t of the soft flowing Con- necticut, whose gentle waves, says the song, roll tiirough many a tertde vale and sunny plain, now reflecting the lofty spires of the bustling city, and now the rural beauties of the humble hamlet •, now echoing with the busy hum of cummerce, and now with the cheerful song of the peasant. At every town would Peter Stuyvesant, who was noted for warlike punctilio, order the sturdy Anthony to sound a courteous saint it ion 5 though the manuscript observes, that tlie mhabitants were thrown into great dismay when they heard of his approach. For the fame of his incom- parable achievements on the Delaware bad spread through- out the east country, and they dreaded lest he had come to take vengeance on their manifold transgressions. But the good Peter rode through these towns with a smiling aspect 5 waving his hand with inexpressible majesty and condescension ; for he verily believed that the old clothes which these ingenious people had thrust into their broken windows, and the festoons of dried apples and peaches which ornamented the fronts of their houses, were so many decorations in honour of his approach ; as it was the custom in the days of chivalry to compliment renowned heioes, by sumptuous displays of 276 HISTORY OF tapestry and gorgeous furniture. The women crowded to the doors to gaze upon him as he passed, so much does drowess in arms delight the gentle sex. The little children, too, ran after him in troops, staring with wonder at his regimentals, his brimstone breeches, and the silver garniture of his wooden leg. Nor must I omit to mention the joy which many strapping wenches betrayed, at beholding the jovial Van Corlear, who had whilome delighted them so much with his trumpet, when he bore the great Peter's challenge to the Aniphyctions. The kind-hearted Anthony alighted from his calico mare, and kissed them all with infinite loving-kindness — and was right pleased to see a crew of little trumpeters crowding around him for his blessing; each of whom he patted on the head, bade him be a good boy, and gave him a penny to buy molasses candy. The Stuyvesant manuscript makes but little further mention of the governor's adventures upon this expedition, excepting that he was received with extravagant courtesy and respect by the great council of the Aniphyctions, who almost talked him to death with complimentary and con- gratulatory harangues. I will not detain my readers by dwelling on his negotiations with the grand council. Su-ffice it to mention, it was like all other negotiations — a great deal was said, and very little done : one conversation ltd to another — one conference beg-at misunderstandinsrs, which it took a dozen conferences to explain ; at the end of which the parties found themselves just where they were at first ; excepting that they had entangled them- selves in a host of questions of etiquette, and conceived a cordial distrust of each other, that rendered their future negotiations ten times more difficult than ever.* In the midst of all these perplexities, which bewildered the brain and incensed the ire of the sturdy Petei', who was perhaps of all men in the world least fitted for diplomatic wiles, he privately received the first intimation of the dark conspiracy which had been matured in the Cabinet of England. To this was added the astounding intelligence that a hostile squadron had already sailed • For certain of the particulars of this ancient negotiation, see Haz. Col. State Pap. It is singular that Smith is entirely silent with respect to this memorable expedition of Peter Stuyvesant, NEW YORK. 277 from England, destined to reduce the province of New- Netherlands, and that the grand council of Amphyctions had engaged to co-operate, by sending a great army to invade New-Amsterdam by land. Unfortunate Peter! did I not enter with sad forebo- dings upon this ill-starred expedition ? Did I not tremble when I saw thee with no other counsellor thuld not bi.t reflect with self- abasement, upon their own pusillanimous conduct, when they beheld their hardj' but deserted old governor thus faithful to his post, like a forlorn hope, and fully prepared to defend his ungrateful city to the last. These compunc- tions, however, were soon overwhelmed by the recurring tide of public apprehension. The populace arranged .^hemselves before the house, taking off their hats with D D 302 HISTORY or most respectful humility — Burgomaster Roerback, who was of that popular class of orators, described by old Sal- lust, as being " talkative rather than eloquent," stepped forth and addressed the governor in a sjjeech of tlnee hours' length ; detailing in the most pathetic terms the calamitous sisuation of the province, and urging him, in H constant repetition of the same arguments and words, to sign the capitulation. The mighty Peter eyed him from his little garret win- dow in grim silence — now and then his eye would glance over the surrounding rabble, and an indignant grin, like that of an angry mastiff, would mark his iron visage ; but though he was a man of most undaunted mettle — though he had a heart as big as an ox, and a head that would have set adamant to scorn — yet after all he was a mere mortal : — wearied out by these repeated oppositions, and this eternal haranguing, and perceiving that unless he com- plied, the inhabitants would follow their inclinations, or rather their fears, without waiting for his consent, he testily ordered them to hand him up the paper. It was accord- ingly hoibted to him on the end of a pole, and having scrawled his name at the bottom of it, he anathematized them all for a set of cowardly, mutinous, degenerate pol- troons threw the capitulation at their heads, slammed down the window, and was heard stumping down stairs with the most vehement indignation. The rabble inconti- nently took to their heels ; even the burgomasters were not slow in evacuating the premises, fearing lest the sturdy Peter might issue from his den, and greet them with some unwelcome testimonial of his displeasure. Within three hours after the surrender a legion of British beef-fed warriors poured into New-Amsteidam, taking possession of the fort and batteries. And now might be heard from all quarters, the sound of l)ammers made by the old Dutch burghers, who were busily employed, nailing up their doors and windows, to protect their vrouws from these tierce barbarians, whom they contemplated in silent suUenness from the garret Windows as they paraded through the streets. Thus did Col. Richard Nichols, the commander of the British forces, enter into quiet possession of the conquered realm as locum tenens for the Duke of York. The victory was attended with no other outrage than that of changing NEW YORK. 303 the name of the province and its metropolis, which thence- forth were denominated New-York, an(i so have con- tinued to be called unto the present day. The inhabitants, according: to treaty, were allowed to maintain quiet pos- session of their property ; but so inveterately did they retain their abhorrence to the British nation, that in a private meeting of the leading citizens, it was unani- mously determined never to ask any of their conquerors to dinner. CHAP. IX. Containing the dignified Hetir erne at and mortal Surrender of Peter the Headstrong. Thus then 1 have concluded this great historical enter- prise ; but, before I lay aside my weary pen, there yet remains to be performed one pious duty. If, among the variety of readers that may peruse this book, there should haply be found any of those souls of true nobility, which glow with celestial fire at the history of the generous and the brave, they will doubtltss be anxious to know the fate of the gallant Peter Stuyvesant. To gratify one such sterling heart of gold I would go more lengths than to in- struct the cold-blooded curiosity of a whole fraternity of philosophers. No sooner had that high-mettled cavalier signed the articles of capitulation, than, determined not to witness the .humiliation of his favourite city, he turned his back on its walls and made a growUng retreat to his Bouwery, or country-seat, which was situated about two miles off ; where he passed the remainder of his days in patriarchiai retirement. There he enjoyed that tranquillity of mind which he had never known amid ihe distracting cares of government 5 and tasted the sweets of absolute and uncon- trolled authority, which his factious subjects had so often dashed with the bitterness of opposition. No persuasions could ever induce him to revisit the city — on the contrary, he would always have his great arm- chair placed with its back to the windows which looked in that direction j until a thick grove of trees planted by D D 2 304 HISTORY OF his own hand grew up and formed a screen that effectually excluded it from the |)rospect. He railed continually at the degenerate innovations and improvements introduced by the conquerors — forbade a word of their detested language to be spoken in his family, a prohibition readily obeyed, since none of the household could speak any thing but Dutch— and even ordered a fine avenue to be cut down in front of his house, because it consisted of English cherry trees. The same incessant vigilance, that blazed forth when he had a vast province under his care, now showed itself with equal vigour, though in narrower limits. He patrolled with unceasing watchfulness around the boun- daries of his little territory; repelled every encroachment with intrepid promptness ; punished every vagrant depreda- tion upon his orchard or his farm yard with inflexible seve- rity; and conducted every stray hog or cow in triumph to the pound. But to the indigent neighbour, the friendless stranger, or the weary wanderer, his spacious door was ever open, and his capacious fire-place, that emblem of his own warm and generous heart, had always a corner to receive and cherish them. There was an exception to this, I must confess, in case the ill-starred applicant was an Englishman or a Yankee ; to whom though he might ex- tend the hand of assistance, he could never be brought to yield the rites of hospitality. Nay, if peradventure some straggling merchant of the east, should stop at his door, with his cart load of tin ware or wooden bowls, the fiery Peter would issue forth like a giant from his castle, and make such a furious clattering among his pots and kettles, that the vender of " notions''' was fain to betake himself to instant flight. His ancient suit of regimentals, worn threadbare by the brush, were carefully hung up in the state bedchamber, and regularly aired the first fair day of every month ; and Jiis cocked hat and trusty sword were suspended in grim repose over the parlour mantlepiece, forming supporters to a full length portrait of the renowned Admiral Von Tromp. In his domestic empire he maintained strict dis- cipline, and a well organized despotic government; but though his own will was the supreme law, yet the good of his subjects was his constant object. He watched over, not merfcly their immediate comforts, but their morals. i EVr YOKK. 305 and then uftimate welfai-e ; for he ^ave them ahundauce of excellent admonition, nor could any of them complain that, when occasion required, he was by any means nig- gardly in beslowiuff wholesome correction. The good old Dutch festivals, tljose periodical dtnion- strations of an overflowing heart and a thankful spirit, which are falling into s^ad disuse among my fellow-citizens, were faithfully observed in the mansion of Governor Stuy- vesant. New year was truly a day of open-handed libe- rality, of jocund revelry, and warm-hearted congratulation — when the bosom seemed to swell with genial good- fellowship ; and the plenteous table was attended with an unceremonious freedom, and honest broad-mouthed mer- riment, unknown in these days of degeneracy and refine- ment. Paas and Pinxfer were scrupulously observed throughout his dominions ; nor was the day of St. Nicholas sutlVred to pass by without making presents, hanging the stocking in the chimney, and complying with all its other ceremonies. Once a year, on the first day of April, he used to array himself in full regimentals, being the anniversary of his triumphal entry into New-Amsterdam, after the conquest of New-Sweden. This was always a kind of Saturnalia amt ng the domestics, when they considered themselves at liberty in some measure to say and do what they pleased j for on this day their master was always observed to un- oend, and become exceeding pleasant and jocose, sending the old gray-headed negroes on April fools' errands for pigeon's milk ; not one of whom but allowed himself to be taken in, and humoured his master's jokes as became a faithful and well disciplined dependant. Thus did he reign, happily and peacefully on his own land — injuring no man — envying no man — molested by no outward strifes — perplexed by no internal commotions ; — and the mighty monarchs of the earth, who were vainly seeking to maintain peace, and promote the welfare of mankind, by war and desolation, would have done well to have made a voyage to the little island of Manna-hata, and learned a lesson in government from the domestic economy of Peter Stuyvesant. In process of time, however, the old governor, like all other children of mortality, began to exhibit evident tokens of decay. Like an aged oak, which, thuugh it long 306 HISTORY OF has braved the fury of the elements, and still retains its gigantic proportions, yet begins to shake and sfroan witb every blast — so the gallant Peter, though he still bore the port and semblance of what he was in the days of his har- diliood and chivalry, yet did age and infirmity begin to sap the vigour of his frame; but his heart, that most un- conquerable citadel, still triumphed unsubdued. With matchless avidity would he listen to every article of intel- ligence concerning the battles between the English and Dutch. — Still would his pulse beat high whettjver he heard of the victories of De Ruyter ; and his countenance lower, and his eye-brows knit, when fortune turned in favour of the English. At length, as on a certain day, he had just smoked his fifth pipe, and was napping after din- ner, in his arm chair, conquering the whole British nation in his dreams, he was suddenly aroused by the fearful ring- ing of bells, rattling of drums, and roaring of cannon, that put all his blood in a ferment. But when he learned that these rejoicings were in honour of a great victory obtained by the combined English and French fleets over the brave De Ruyter and the younger Von Tromp, it went so much to his heart, that he took to his bed, and in less than three days was brought to death's door by a violent cholera morbus ! But even in this extremity he still displayed the unconquerable spirit of Peter the Headstrong \ holding out, to the last gasp, with the most inflexible obstinacy, against a whole army of old women, who we.e bent upon driving the enemy out of his bowels, after a true Dutch mode of defence, by inundating the seat of war with cat- nip and pennyroyal. VViiile he thus lay, lingering on the verge of dissolu- tion, news was brought him, that the brave Ruyter liad suffered but little loss — had made good his retreat — and meant once more to meet the enemy in battle. The clos- ing eye of the old warrior kindled at the words — he partly raised himself in bed — a flash of martial fire beamed across his visage — he clinched his withered hand as if he felt within his gripe that sword which waved in triumph before the walls of Fort Christina, and, giving a grim smile of exultation, sunk back upon his pillow, and expired. Thus died Peter Stuyvesant, a valiant soldier, a loyal subject, an upright governor, and an honest Dutchman— NEW YORIt. 307 who wanted only a few empires to desolate, to have been immoitalized as a hero ! His funeral obsequies were celebrated with Ihe utmost grandeur and solemnity. The town was perfectly emptied of its inhabitants, who crowded in throngs to pay the last sad honours to their g^ood old governor. All his sterling qualities rushed in full tide upon their recollections, while the memory of his foibles and his faults had expired with him. The ancient buighers contended who should have the privilege of bearing the pall — the populace strove who should walk nearest to the bier— and the melancholy pro- cession was closed by a number of grey-headed negroes, who had wintered and summered in the household of their departed master for the greater part of a century. Wilh sad and gloomy countenances, the multitude gathered round the grave. They dwelt with mournful hearts on the sturdy virtues, the signal services, and the gallant exploits of the brave old worthy. They recalled, with secret upbraidings, their own factious oppositions to his government — and many an ancient burgher, whose phleg- matic features had never been known to relax, nor his eyes to moisten, was now observed to puff a pensive pipe, and the big drop to steal down his cheek— while he muttered, with affectionate accent and melancholy shake of head, — « Well den ! — Hard-koppig Peter ben gone at last." His remains were deposited in the family vault, under a chapel, which he had piously erected on his estate, and dedicated to St. Nicholas — and which stood on the iden- tical spot at present occupied by St. Mark's Church, where his tombstone is still to be seen. His estate or Boiiwery^ as it was called, has ever continued in the possession of his descendants 5 who, by the uniform integrity of their conduct, and their strict adherence to the customs and manners that prevailed in the " good old times,^^ have proved themselves worthy of their illustrious ancestor. Many a time and oft has the farm been haunted at night by enterprising money diggers, in quest of pots <»f gold said to have been buried by the old governor — though I cannot learn that any of them has ever been enriched, by their researches — and who is there, among my native- born fellow citizens, that does not remember, when in the mischievous days of his boyhood, he conceived it a great exploit to rob " Stnyvesant's orchard" on a holiday after- DUOU ? 308 HISTORY OF At this strong hold of the family may still be seen cer- tain memorials of the immortal Peter. His full length ])ortrait frowns in martial terrors from the parlour wall — his cocked hat and swoid still hang up in the best bed- room. His brimstone-coloured breeches were for a long while suspended in the hall, until some years since they occasioned a dispute between a new married couple. And his silver mounted wooden leg is still treasured up in the store room as an invaluable relioue. CHAP. X. The Author's Reflections upon what has been said. Among the numerous events, which are each in their turn the most direful and melancholy of all possible occur- rences, in your interesting and authentic history, there is none that occasions such deep and heart-rending grief, as t!ie decline and fall of your renowned and mighty em- pires. Where is the reader who can contemplate without emotion, the disastrous events by which the great dynas- ties of the world have been extinguished ? While wan- dering, in imagination, among the gigantic ruins of states and empires, and marking the tremendous convulsions that wrought their overthi'ow, the bosom of the melau- clioly inquirer swells with sympathy commensurate to tiie surrounding desolation. Kingdoms, principalities, and powers, have each had their rise, thdr progress, and Ihtir downfall — each in its turn has swayed a potent scephe — each has returned to its primeval nothingness ; — and thus did it fare with the empire of their high mightinesses, at the Manhattoes, under the peaceful reign of Walter the Doubter — the fietful reign of William the Testy — and the chivalric reign of Peter the Headstrong. Its history is fruitful of instruction, and worthy of being pondered over attentively ; for it is by thus raking among the ashes of departed greatness, that the sparks of true knowledge are found, and the lamp of wisdom illuminated. Let then the reign of Walter the Doubter warn against yielding to that sleek, contented security, that overween- ing fondness for comfort and repose, ihat are produced by !i state of prosperity and peace. These tend to unnei've a nation, to destroy its pride and character 3 to render it NEW YORK. 309 patient of insult, deaf to the calls of honour and of justice ; and cause it to cling to peace, like the sluggard to his pillow, at the expense of every valuable duty and conside- ration. Such supineness insures the very evil from which it shrinks. One right yielded, up produces the usurpa- tion of a second; one encroachment passivt'ly suffered makes way for another ; and the nation that thus, through a doting love of peace, has sacrificed honour and interest, will at length have to fight for existence. Let the disastrous reign of William the Testy serve as a salutary warning against that fitful, feverish mode of legis- lation, that acts without system ; depends on shifts and projects, and trusts to lucky contingencies ; that hesitates and wavers, and at length decides with the rashness of ignorance and imbecility. That stoops for popularity by courting the prejudices, and flattering the arrogance, rathe'- than conimandiiig the respect of the rabble. That seeks safety in a multitude of counsellors, and distracts itself by a variety of contradictory schemes and opinions. That mistakes procrastination for deliberate wariness — hurry for decision — starveling parsimony for wholesome economy — bustle for business — and vapouring for valour. That is violent in council, sanguine in expectation, preci- pitate in action, and feeble in execution. That under- takes enterprises without forethought, enters upon them without preparation, conducts them without energy, and ends them in confusion and defeat. Let the reign of the good Stuyvesant show the effects of vigour and decision, even when destitute of cool judg- ment, and surrounded by perplexities. Let it show how frankness, probity, and high souled courage, will command respect and secure honour, even where success is unat- tainable. But, at the same time, let it caution against a too ready reliance on the good faith of others, and a too honest confidence in the loving professions of powerful neighbours, who are most friendly when they ni'jst mean lo betray. Let it teach a judicious attention to the opi- jiions and wishes of the many, who, in times of peril, must be southed and led, or apprehension will overpower tiie deference to authority. Let the empty wordiness of his factious subjects — their intemperate harangues — their violent " resolutions" — their heclorings against an absent enemy, and their pusillani- 310 HmXORY OF mity on his approach — teach us to disti-ust and despise those clamorous patriots, whose courage dwells but in the tongue. Let them serve as a lesson to repress that inso- lence of speech, destitute of real force, which too often breaks forth in popular bodies, and bespeaks the vanity rather than the spirit of a nation. Let them caution us against vaunting too much of our own power and prowess, and reviling a noble enemy. True gallantry of soul would always lead us to treat a foe with courtesy and proud punctilio ; a contrary conduct but takes from the merit of victory, and renders defeat doubly disgraceful. But 1 cease to dwell on the stores of excellent example to be drawn from the ancient chronicles of the Manhat- loes. He who reads attentively will discover the threads of gold, which run throughout the web of history, and are invisible to the dull eye of ignorance. But before I con- clude, let me point out a solemn warning, furnished in the subtle chain of events by which the capture of Fort Casimir has produced the present convulsions of our globe. Attend then, gentle reader, to this plain deduction, which if thou art a king, an emperor, or other powerful potentate, I advise thee to treasure up in thy heart, though little expectation have 1 that my work will fall into such hands ; for well 1 know the care of crafty ministers, to keep all grave and edifying books of the kind out of the way of unhappy monarchs, lest, peradventure, they should rend them and learn wisdom. By the treacherous surprisal of Fort Casimir then did the crafty Swedes enjoy a transient triumph ; but drew upon their heads the vengeance of Peter Stuyvesant, who wrested all New- Sweden from their hands. By the conquest of New-Sweden, Peter Stuyvesant aroused the claims of Lord Baltimore-, who appealed to the cabinet of Great Britain j who subdued the whole province of New Netherlands. By this great achievement the whole extent of North America, from Nova Scotia to the Flori- das, was rendered one entire dependency upon the British crown-, but mark the consequence. The hitherto scat- tered colonies being thus consolidated, and having no rival colonies to check or keep them in awe, waxed great and powerful ; and, finally, becoming too strong for the mother country, were enabled to shake off its bonds, and by a glorious revolution became an independent empire. NEW YORK. 311 But the chain of effects stopped not here ; the successful -evolut'on in Anierica produced the sanguinary revohition in France, which produced the puissant Buonaparte, who produced the French despotism, which lias thrown tiie wliole worUi in confusion ! — Thus have these great powers been successively punished for their ill-starred conquests ; and thus, as I asserted, have all the present convulsions, revolutions, and disasters that overwhelm mankind, ori- ginated in the capture of the little Fort Casimir,as recorded in this eventful history. And now, worthy reader, ere I take a sad farewell—- which, alas ! must be for ever — willingly would I part in cordial fellowship, and bespeak thy kind-hearted remem- brance. That I have not written a better history of the days of the patriarchs is not my fault — had any other per- son written one as good, I should not have attempted it at all— that many will hereafter spring up and surpass me in excellence, 1 have very little doubt, and still less care ; well knowing, that when the great Chriytovallo Colon (who is vulgarly called Columbus) had once stood his egg upon its end, every one at table could stand his up a thousand times more dexterously. Should any reader find matter of offence in this history, I should heartily grieve, though 1 would on no account question his pene- tration, by telling him he is mistaken— his good nature by telling him he is captious— -or his pure conscience, by telling him he is startled at a shadow. Surely, if he is so ingenious in finding offence where none is intended, it were a thousand pities he should not be suffered to enjoy the benefit of his discovery. I have too high an opinion of the understanding of my fellow.citizens, to think of yielding them any instruction, and I covet too much their good will, to forfeit it by giving them good advice. I am none of those cynics who despise the world, because it despises them — on the con- trary, though but low in its regard, I look up to it with the most perfect good nature, and my only sorrow is, that it does not prove itself more worthy of the unbounded love I bear it. If, however, in this my historic production— the scanty fruit of a long and laborious life — I have failed to gratify the dainty palate of the age, I can only lament my nus- fortuue — for it is too late in the season for me ev«i to 312 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. hope to repair it. Already has withering age showered his sterile snows upon my biow ; in a little while, and this genial warmth, which still lingers around my heart, and throbs — worthy reader — throbs kindly towards thyself, will be chilled for ever. Haply this frail compound of dust, which while alive may have given birth to nought but unprotitable weeds, may form an humble sod of the valley, from whence may spring many a swect-wild-flower, to adorn my beloved island of Manna-hata ! F IV II. t LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 0014 1141089