I*K,IOE IS CEIVTJS. 
 
 DE WITT'S ACTING- PLAYS. 
 
 (Number 214.) 
 
 TURN HIM OUT. 
 
 I]Sr OlSTE A-OT. 
 
 By THOMAS J. WILLIAMS, Esq., 
 
 Author of ^^Dandelion^s Dodges,^' " Cahman No. 93," '^A Silent Pro^ 
 tectorr ^'A Charming Pair^ " The Volunteer Review, etc. 
 
 As First Performed at the Royal Strand Theatre, 
 London. 
 
 TO WHICH ABE ADDED, 
 
 A description Of the Costumes-Synopsis of the Piece -Cast ot the Characters 
 
 -Entrances and Exits -Relative Positions of the Performers on 
 
 the Stage, and the whole of the Stage Business. 
 
 CLINTON T. DE WITT, PUBLISHER. 
 
 No. 33 Hose Street. 
 
 A COMPLETE DESGRIPTIVE CATALOGUE OF DE WITT'S ACTING 
 NOW ^ pL^YS, AND DE WITT'S ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMAS, containing 
 n:EAI>T I PI*'*' Costume, Scenery, Time of Kepresentation, and every other informa- 
 tion, mailed free and post-paid. 
 
 1 
 
DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS, 
 
 j^^ Please notice that nearly all tlie Comedies, Farces and Comediettas in the following 
 ^ist o/De Witt's Acting Plats-' a?'6 very suitable for representation in small Amateur Thea- 
 tres and on Parlor Stages, as they need but little extrinsic aid from complicated scenery or 
 expensive costumes. They have attained their deserved popularity by their droll situations, 
 excellent plots, great hvmor and brilliant dialogues, no less than by the fact that they are the 
 most perfect in every respect of any edition of plays ever published either in the United States 
 or Europe, whether as regards purity of the text, accuracy and fulness of stage directions and 
 scmery, or elegance of typography and clearness of printing. 
 
 *** In ordering please copy the figures at the commencement of each piece, which indicate 
 the number of the piece in "De Witt's List op Acting PLArs." 
 
 |^° Any of the following Plays sent, postage free, on receipt of price — 15 
 cents each. 
 
 Address, ROBERT M. DE WITT, 
 
 JVo. 33 nose Street, JVew York. 
 
 The figure 
 Acts. The figures 
 F. female. 
 
 No. M. r. 
 
 75. Adrienne, drama, 3 acts 7 3 
 
 114, Anything for a Change, comedy, 13 3 
 
 Vol. Apple Blossoms, comedy, 3 acts. . . 7 3 
 
 93. Area Belle (The), farce, 1 act 3 2 
 
 40. Atchi, comedietta, 1 act 3 2 
 
 89. Aunt Charlotte's Maid, farce. 1 act. , 3 3 
 
 192. Game of Cards (A), c medietta, 1 3 1 
 
 16(j. BardeH vs. Pickwick, sketch, 1 act. 6 2 
 
 41. Beautiful Forever, farce, 1 act 2 3 
 
 141. Bells (The), drama, 3 acts 9 3 
 
 67. Birthplace of Podgers, farce, 1 act. . 7 3 
 36. Black Sheep, drama, 3 acts 7 5 
 
 160. Blow for Blow, drama, 4 acts 11 6 
 
 70. Bonnie Fish Wife, farce, 1 act 3 1 
 
 179. Breach of Promise,, drama, 2 acts. . 5 2 
 
 25. Broken-Hearted Club, comedietta, 14 8 
 
 24. Cabman, No. 93, farce, 1 act .2 2 
 
 1. Caste, comedy, 3 acts 5 3 
 
 69. Caui;ht by the Ciifle, farce, 1 act. .... 4 1 
 
 175. Cast" upon the World, dra'iia, 5acts.l0 5 
 55. Catharine Howard, historical play, 
 
 3acts 12 5 
 
 80. Charming pair, farce, 1 act 4 3 
 
 65. Checkmate, comedy, 2 acts 6 5 
 
 68. Chevalier de St. George, drama, 3 9 3 
 
 76. Chops of the Channel, farce, 1 act. 3 2 
 
 149. Clouds, comedy, 4 acts 8 
 
 121. Comical Countess, farce, 1 act 3 
 
 107. Cupboard Love, farce, 1 act 2 
 
 152. Cupid's Eye-Glass, comedy, 1 act... 1 
 
 Cup of Tea, comedietta, 1 act 3 
 
 Cut off with a Shilling, comedietta, 
 
 1 act 2 
 
 CvrilPs Success, comedy, 5 acts — 10 
 Captain of the Watch (The), come 
 
 following the name of the Play denotes the number of 
 in the columns indicate the number of characters — M. male; 
 
 I No. 
 ' 21. 
 
 186. 
 47. 
 
 13 . 
 
 148. 
 
 dietta, 1 act 4 2 
 
 20. Daddy Gray, drama, 3 acts 8 4 
 
 4. Dandelion's Dodges, fane, 1 act 4 2 
 
 22. David tiarrick, comedy, 3 acts 8 3 
 
 96. Dearest Mamma, comedietta, 1 act, 4 3 
 
 16. Dearer than Life, drama, 3 acts 6 5 
 
 58. Del)()rah (Leah) drama, 3 acts 7 6 
 
 125. Deerfoot, farce. 1 act 5 1 
 
 71. Doing for th& Best, drama, 2 acts.. 5 3 
 
 142. Dollars and Cents, comedy, 3 acts.. 9 4 
 
 M. F. 
 
 Dreams, drama, 5 acts 
 
 Duchess de la Valliere, play, 5 acts 
 
 Easy Shaving, farce, 1 act 
 
 Everybody's Friend, comedy, Sacts, 
 
 2U0. Estranged, an operetta, 1 act 
 
 103. Fausr and Marguerite, drama, 3 acts, 
 9. Fearful Tragedy in the Seven Dials 
 
 interlude, 1 act , 
 
 128. Female Detective, drama, 3 acts 
 
 101. Fernande. drama, 3 acts 
 
 99. Fifth Wheel, comedy, 3 acts 
 
 145. First Love, comedy, 1 act 
 
 102. Foiled, drama, 4 acts 9 
 
 88. Founded on Facts, farce, 1 act., . . 4 
 
 74. Garrick Fever, farce, 1 act 7 
 
 53. Gertrude's Money Box, farce, 1 act. 4 
 73. Golden Fetter (Fettered), drama, 3 11 
 30. Goose with the Golden Eggs, farce, 
 
 1 act 5 
 
 Go to Putney, farce, 1 act 4 
 
 Happy Pair, comedietta, 1 act 1 
 
 Hard Case (A), farce, 1 act 2 
 
 Henry Dunbar, drama, 4 acts 10 
 
 Heniy the Fifth, historical play, 5 ' 
 
 He's a Lunatic, farce, 1 act 
 
 Hidden Hand, drama, 4 acts 
 
 His Own Enemy, farce, 1 act 
 
 Home, comedy, 3 acts 
 
 Household Fairy, sketch, 1 act 
 
 Hunting the Slipper, farce, 1 act 
 
 High Cj comedietta, 1 act 4 
 
 Hunchback (The), play, 5 acts 14 
 
 If I Had a Thousand a Year, farce, 
 
 lact 4 
 
 I'm Not Mesilf at All, original Irish 
 
 stew, 1 act 
 
 In for a Holiday, farce, 1 act 2 
 
 In the Wrong House, farce, 1 act. , , 4 
 
 Isabella Orsini, drama, 4 acts 11 
 
 177, I Sha'l Invite the Major, comedy, 1 4 
 
 100. Jack Long, drama, 2 acts 9 
 
 139. Joy is Dangerous, comedy, 2 acts. .. 3 
 17. Kind to a Fault, comedy, 2 acts,... 6 
 
 86. Lady of Lyons, play, 5 acts 12 
 
 72. Lame Excuse, farce, 1 act 4 
 
 131. 
 
 28. 
 
 151. 
 
 8. 
 
 180. 
 
 19. 
 
 60. 
 187. 
 174. 
 
 64. 
 190 
 191. 
 197. 
 
 18. 
 
 116. 
 
 129. 
 159. 
 122. 
 
 3 2 
 3 
 2 
 
 4 
 1 
 2 
 3 
 4 
 5 
 2 
 
TUEN HIM OUT 
 
 % Snxtif 
 
 IN ONEACT 
 
 By THOMAS J. WILLIAMS, Esq., 
 
 Aiitho)^ of ''Dandelion's Bodges,'' ''Cabman No. 93," "A Silent Protector," "The 
 Volunteer Revieiu,'" ''A Charming Pair,'" etc. 
 
 AS FIEST PRODUCED AT THE EOYAL STRAND THEATRE, LONDON, 
 
 TO WHICH AKE ADDED 
 
 A DESCBIPTION OF THE COSTUME — CAST OF THE CHARACTERS — EN- 
 TRANCES AND EXITS — RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE 
 PERFORMERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE WHOLE 
 OF THE STAGE BUSINESS. 
 
 
 NEW YOEK: 
 CLINTON T. DE WITT, PUBLISHEE, 
 
 (SUCCESSOU TO K. M. DE WIXT), 
 
 No. 33 Rose Street. 
 
 I i 
 
TURN HIM OUT. 
 
 
 CAST OF CHARACTERS. 
 
 Eoyal SImnd Theatre, Neiv Bowery Theatre, 
 London. New York. 
 
 Nicodemus Nobbs (itinerant vendor 
 
 of juvenile toys— first low comedy). Mr. Turner Mr. Geokge Brookes. 
 
 Mr. iVIacintosh Moke Mr. Vollaire .Mr. Gl.\ssfokd. 
 
 Mr. Eglantine Roseleaf Mr. Belford Mr. Marden. 
 
 Julia (Moke's wife) Miss Thorne Mrs. Boniface. 
 
 Susan (a maid of all work) Miss Jenny White. . .Miss Kate Newton. 
 
 Two Porters 
 
 TIME IN REPRESENTATION— FORTY-FIVE MINUTES. 
 
 SCENERY. 
 
 SCENE.— A neatly furnished apartment. At bade a window witli large curtains; 
 
 I 1 I !-•• • 
 
 [1 Door. Window 
 
 LJ with large curtains. 
 
 Cupboard. 
 
 Door. . Door. 
 
 Door. i'.iC ~^^^ i\i Two Easy Chairs, Door. 
 
 Table and Chairs. 
 K. c. 
 
 Orchestra. 
 
 L. of window a door; two doors r.; two doors l.; table r. c; cupboard in f. r.; 
 two easy chairs ; chairs. 
 
 COSTUMES 
 
 NoBBS.— Velveteen jacket, corduroy trousers, red neckercliicf, hat with dolly fas- 
 tened round it, etc., etc. 
 
 Moke.— Firs/ Dress : Smart tweed lounging suit, white hat. Second Dress : Large 
 mackintosh and overall, wide-awake, comforter, etc. 
 
 Roseleaf.— Dandified make up, light paletot, eye-glass, whiskers a la Duiidrcary, 
 lavender kid gloves. 
 
 Julia.— Fashionable walking dress. 
 
 Susan.— Very smart maid servant's dress, cap with pink ribbon, ajjron, etc., etc. 
 
 PROPERTIES. 
 
 Lot of toy windmills and dolls for Nobbs; half-sovereign, large trunk, dressing 
 gown and smoking cap for Nobbs ; small tray, plates, dishes, knives and forks, 
 jug, glasses, carving knife, letters. 
 
 II 
 
TURN niM OUT. 
 
 STWOPSIS. 
 
 Susan, a maid of all work, is putting things to rights in a neat apartment, when 
 she complains that the lazy painter has left his ladder " just outsil;) oar first lioor 
 window." Then she hears the voice of Nicodemus Nobbs, shonting " Windmills " 
 outside the door. As six j'cars before he had been her sweetheart ia their native 
 village, she makes signs for him to come to her, when she discovers her mistress, 
 Julia (Mrs. Moke), coming "full chivey," and a "dandy gent" pursuing her. 
 Julia rushes in and slams to the door. Eglantine Roseleap is heard outside, 
 clamoring for admittance. Julia tells her maid that the impertinent puppy has 
 been following her every time she went out. Susan expresses her wonder that 
 Mr. Moke does not return. Suddenly Roseleap's head appears at the open win 
 dow. Julia, alarmed, rushes off, and the intruder, despite the girl's noisy objec- 
 tions, enters the room, inquiring for the mistress of this "cxtwemely desiwable 
 villa wesidence.'" Roseleaf bribes Susan to hide liim. She locks him in a closet, 
 intending to hand him over to the police. Julia comes back, and expressing a 
 wish to have the intruder expelled without the publicity of police interference, the 
 maid calls in ?foBBS, who quickly recognizes her, and readily agrees to put Julia's 
 persecutor into the street. The females retire, Susan's last remark being "Just 
 give it to the imperent coxcomb ■" Nobbs removes his windmills out of harm's 
 way, and returning linds himself face to face' with Moke, who is got up quite 
 "fancy,''' and is dancing gayly about the room. Xobbs, taking him for the in- 
 . trading " swell," orders him out of the house, and upon his indignantly refusing 
 to go, proceeds to give liim "one, two, threj," and then clutching him liercel}^ 
 pitches him out ; Moke crying " Murder,'' when a tremendous bumping is heard, 
 and the terrified Roseleaf enters. He quickl}' returns to his hiding place as 
 Nobbs is heard coming back, and Susan hurries him away, after a little courting 
 scene, to get him his half-sovereign reward from " Missus.'' Roseleaf, however, 
 heard Nobbs, and tries to get off through the back door, when Moke enters, with- 
 out seeing him. Moke is in a fearfully dilapidated condition. He starts as he sees 
 Roseleaf — but the latter explains that he has called to collect tlic income tax. 
 Moke is too much flurried to weigh probabilities, and peeping through the key- 
 hole he sees Julia giving money to Nobbs— the fellow who had just turned him 
 out of his own house He quickly enters into an agreement with Roseleaf bj' 
 which they agree to fall upon Nobbs together, and pummel him severely. For this 
 purpose they hide , but Roseleaf contrives to steal off. Nobbs and Susan enter, 
 and the former is treated to a "quencher" of Moke's best braiulj'. Susan goes 
 off, and Moke whistles for Roseleaf. Nobbs, not half satisfied that he has fairly 
 earned his half-sovereign, pounces upon Moke once more, and drags him forward. 
 Then he "pitches into him" scientifically, winding up by carrying him off the 
 stage, amidst an uproarious smashing of windows, Julia and Susan rush in to 
 learn from Nobbs that he has dropped the fellow out of the window, and thiit he 
 had the " owdicity to say he was the proprietor of Sunflower Lodge.'' At this 
 moment two porters enter carrying a large trunk belonging to Moke. They set it 
 down, sajung that the owner is not far oft'. Then they retire, and Julia, feeling 
 safe in the nearness of her husband, dismisses Nobbs with thanks. Julia sits 
 down, and takes up her work, and tells Susan to say nothing of what has occurred 
 to her master. The trunk lid. rises and Moke's head is seen. Then Roseleaf 
 peeps into the room. Julia screams, and Susan runs to the kitchen for Nobbs. 
 Roseleaf seeing Nobbs coming, goes into a side door, and Susan seeing the trunk 
 lid fall down, supposes Roseleaf has hid in it, and the key is turned. They find 
 Roseleaf's hat on the table, with his address in it, and Nobbs drags the box out 
 to send it to R.'s house. Roseleaf enters, and terrifies the women, who tell him 
 they thought he had just been carried off in the trunk to his own residence. He 
 
4: TUEN THM OUT. 
 
 is afraid his rich aunt will hear of his escapade, and runs off. When Nobbs re- 
 turns, having left the trunk at 16 Rosemary Villas, and learns that the fellow has 
 been there in his absence, he insists that he " arnt no hordinary interloper— he's a 
 wampire." So grateful is Mrs. Moke to their " heroic defender," Nobbs, that she 
 orders Susan to lay out a lunch for him, and as he says he looks too shabby to sit 
 down in the lady's presence, she gives him a dressing-gown and smoking-cap. Julia 
 retires, and Susan and Nobbs sit down to a cosy repast. Moke enters, rhoioii^hly 
 disguised, as bearer of a letter to Mrs. Moke from her husband. Susan snappishly 
 takes the letter and goes with it to her mistress, while Moke stamps with rage at 
 seeing the condition of affairs. Nobbs, between mouthfuls, tells Moke how kind 
 the lady is to him, and that he wishes that "Old Moke" would stay away alto- 
 gether. Mr. M. is raging, and Nobbs don't know what to make of his strange 
 actions, when Susan and her mistress enter. The latter is reading her husband's 
 letter, and is mystified by its saying that she had hired "an assassin in corduroys 
 to throw him out of the window." She then says to the supposed letter-bearer, 
 " Where is my husband ?" Roseleaf enters and offers his arm to take lier to him. 
 Moke suddenly throws off his disguise, and striking a tragic attitude exc-aims— 
 "Moke is himself again ! Oh ! Ah !" At last the truth breaks upon Julia, and 
 she says to Nobbs, "You have been turning out the wrong man." Matters are 
 explained to Mokk, and then all the indignation'is turned upon Roseleaf. Moke 
 and Nobbs are about to throw him out of the window, when at Mrs. M.'s interces- 
 sion he is allowed to go free, Nobbs not only being forgiven for his rough tricks 
 by MoKE, but retained— to the delight of Susan— as " wally-de-sham." 
 
 EXPLANATION OF THE STAGE DIRECTIONS. 
 The Actor is supposed to face the Audience. 
 
 ^U. E. 
 
 €C£I^£. 
 
 B.SE. 
 
 B.2S:. 
 
 / 
 
 / 
 
 / 
 
 B. a. 
 
 0. 
 
 ATTDIENCE. 
 
 \ 
 
 \ 
 
 i:<.2b» 
 L. is. 
 
 \ 
 
 Tj.O. 
 
 L. Left. 
 
 •L. c. Left Centre. 
 
 L. 1 E. Loft First Entrance. 
 
 L. 2 E. Loft Second Entrance. 
 
 L. 3 E. Left Third Entrance. 
 
 Xi. u. E. Left Upper Entrance 
 
 (wherever this Scene may be.) 
 
 V. L. c. Door Left Centre. 
 
 c. Centre. 
 
 B. Eight. 
 
 E. 1 E. Right First Entrance. 
 
 i«. 2 E. Right Second Entrance. 
 
 K. 3 E. Right Third Entrance- 
 
 R. XT. E. Right Upper Entrance. 
 
 x>. u. c- Door Eight Centre. 
 
TURN HIM OUT. 
 
 SCENE. — A neatly furnished apartment. At lack, c, a loindow icith 
 large curtains ; l. ofioindoio a door ; two doors, r. ; tioo doors, l. ; 
 table, R. c. ; cupboard in flat, r ; two easy chairs ; chairs. Susan 
 discovered looking out of the open windoio, 
 
 Susan. Lawks, what a lazy fellow that painter is, to be sure ; he's 
 leaving off work again. I declare, if he hasn't left his ladder just out- 
 side our first floor window, {coming down) Well, this is a lively sort of 
 place for a maid of all-work. What could indooced master to come and 
 live in such a out o' the way spot "? He calls it his " suburban retreat," 
 and a pretty treat it is ; " No thoroughfare " stuck up at one end of the 
 lane^and a deep ditch in the other. I declare, it's that dismal that the 
 afternoon m-ilk's a positive treat, and the nine o'clock beer's a downright 
 excitement. (Nobb's -yMce ^e«?'^ (?zf^6^iV?e, " Only a halfpenny.") Hallo! 
 what's that? Why, dear me, there's a man selling tiddly windmills. 
 {astounded) Well, I never ; if it arn't my old sweetheart, Nicodemus 
 Nobbs. 1 declare, I arn't seen him ever since he left our village six 
 years ago. {making signs to him) Hi, Mr. Nobbs, hi — holloa ! Why, 
 if there arn't missus a coming full chivey down the lane, and a dandy 
 gent, in lavender kids, a running after her. Well. I never see such im- 
 pudence ! 
 
 Enter Julia hastily, door l. in flat. 
 
 JoLiA {slamming and locking door). Safe at last. The impertinent 
 puppy ! 
 
 Susan. Why, what's the matter, ma'am 1 
 
 RosELEAF {outside). Open the door, or I shall expire on the mat — I 
 weally shall ! 
 
 Julia {indignantly). Leave the house directly, sir, or I'll send for the 
 police. 
 
 Rose I'll wetire for the present ; but I'll weturn. I said I would, 
 and so I will, 'pon my sac wed honor ! 
 
 Julia. Presumptuous coxcomb! {listening — noise of retreating foot- 
 steps) Ah ' he's going. 
 
 Susan. But who is he, mum 1 
 
 Julia (l.). I have no idea. One of those empty-headed fops, whose 
 only pleasure is to persecute unprotected females by their hateful atten- 
 tions. Every time I have been out this week I have been waylaid by 
 that odious fellow ; and this time, he has not only had the audacity to 
 follow me home, but, when I opened the door with my latch-key, he 
 positively forced his way into the passage ! 
 
 Susan (r.). Well, I never did ! Tliis comes o' master's being away 
 from home. I declare, if I was married, I'd never allow my husband 
 to go out of town by hisself — that I wouldn't! Howsomedever, I 
 s'pose he'll soon be back now 1 
 
6 TUEN HIM OUT. 
 
 Julia. He says nothing about coming home in liis last letter ; I can't 
 think what's detaining him. istojjping) I am sure that impertinent fel- 
 low is walking about under the window now. 
 
 Susan. I'll just have a peep, {approaches loindow, c.) Oh ! goodness 
 gracious, lawk a mussy, he's coining up the painter's ladder ! 
 
 Julia [tcho has ineamchUe approached icindoio—in horrible alarm"). 
 Ah ! as I live, 'tis my odious persecutor ! {runs away from icindoio— at 
 this moment Roseleak's head is seen through open loindoio,) 
 
 Rose. Aw, aw ! 1 said I would, and so I will, 'pon my sacwed honor. 
 
 Julia {horribly alarmed). Don't let him in — send him. away — upset 
 him ! What unheard of audacity. [Bushes off, first door, l. 
 
 Susan {bawling). Go away, sir — adone, sir ; why, he's getting in. 
 (Roseleaf gets in at icindow) Go away, imperence ! get out, how dare 
 you 
 
 Rose. Where's the lovely niistwess of this extwemely desiwable villa 
 wesidence ? 
 
 Susan. What's that to you, Mr. Imperence 1 If you don't take your- 
 self out of this extv/emely desiwable villa residence directly, I'll give 
 you in charge. 
 
 Rose. Now don't be so fewocious— couldn't you contwive me an in- 
 terview with the adowable cweature 1 
 
 Susan {indignantly). No, I couldn't ! 
 
 Rose {pr<"htcing purse). Couldn't you manage to secwete me some- 
 where, so th I I might wush forth, and take the distwacting cweature by 
 surpwise 1 Ah, ah ! I'll stand half-<T,-cwown. 
 
 Susan {aside). A bright idea; I will secwete him somewhere, and 
 lock him in while I fetch a policeman, {aloud) La ! now, what persever- 
 ing creatures you gentlemen are — just step in here, and I'll see what 
 I can do for you. 
 
 Rose {complacently — second door, r.). It stwuck me she'd come 
 round — the dear cweatures can't wesist me, aw, aw! I said I would, 
 and so I will, 'pon my sacwed honor, {enters.) 
 
 Susan {turning key). There you are, my fine fellow, safe under lock 
 and key, [imitating) 'pon my sacwed honor ! 
 
 Re-enter Julia, door l. 
 
 Julia {looking round) Is he gone ? 
 
 Susan. Not he; hush ! he's there, {pointing to room) I've locked him 
 in, and now I'm off for a policeman. 
 
 Jul. Run, run — but stay, a policeman always involves a crowd — and 
 as my husband is from home, any fuss of that sort would be very annoy- 
 ing ijjuzzled) Now, what is to be done? 
 
 NoBBs {outside, heard calling). Only a halfpenny. 
 
 Susan. I know what's to be done; there's a friend of mine outside, I'll 
 call him up. (goes to icindow.) 
 
 Julia {following, surprised). A friend of yonrs 1 
 
 Susan. Yes, a young man in the windmill interest, {at 'window, calling) 
 Hi ! you with the mills ! 
 
 Julia {surprised). Why, surely you are not calling that peddler 1 
 
 Susan. You leave it to me, mwm—hcHl turn him out like a flash o' 
 lightning. Hi, Mr. Nobbs, hi ! 
 
 Nob. {outside). Who's a calling o' Nobbs 1 
 
 Julia {aside). Dear, dear, what a very disagreeable necessity, to be 
 sure. (Susan opens door, l. p.) 
 
 Enter Nobbs, door, l. f. Re wears a veheteen jacket, corduroy 
 
TUKN HIM OUT, 7 
 
 trousers, and colored neckerchief — he carries an immense stock of 
 toy windmills, the ichole of which are in motion — dolls and other 
 toys in hasket^ 
 
 Nob. (c, declaiming). Want anything in the diminutive windmill 
 line ? Only a halfpenny — hobserve the slightest hagitation of the harm 
 sets the whole hedifice in haction. {pulling string) Hindependent of 
 hany hartificial hassistance from hair or hatmosphere ! 
 
 Susan (l., emphatically). It ain't mills we want, Mr. Nobbs. 
 
 Nob. {starting). Mr. Nobbs ! {tragically) Why, no — yes — yes — no — 
 yes, it is— it is. What, Sasy Hopkins! {rushes to enibrace her with 
 stock of toindmills on Ids arm) Why, Susy, I ain't seed you ever since 
 I left the village. 
 
 SusAif. Well, Mr. Nobbs, it is perraiscuous, ain't it 1 But we mustn't 
 waste time in how-de-doing — missus here wants you to do her a service. 
 
 Julia (r.). In exchange for half-a-sovereign. 
 
 Nob. {astonished). Half-a-sovereign'? By jingo, what wouldn't I do 
 for half-a-sovereign % {putting dozen mills.) 
 
 Julia. My good fellow, I want you to rid my house of a person who 
 annoys me dreadfully. 
 
 Nob. a broker's man, I dare say — I'm on to him! 
 
 Susan. It ain't a brokers man; it's a dandified fellow as has been per- 
 secutin' missus. 
 
 Nob. {carefully tticking up sleeves). Where is he 1 I'll persecute 
 him. {pointing to stack of mills) Them's not the only mills I'm accus- 
 tomed to— =»I'm a dabster at the "one, two, three." {strikes a fancy box- 
 ing attitude) I teas going in for the championship, but couldn't find no 
 backers, and training's expensive! {strikes another fancy attitude.) 
 
 Julia. Pray use no unnecessary violence. 
 
 Nob. But mayn't I just give him one for hisself "? 
 
 Julia. No — no. 
 
 Nob. {striking another fancy attitude). Mayn't I just tip him the 
 postman's knock ? 
 
 Julia. No, no. All I want you to do is to simply turn him out as 
 speedily as possible. 
 
 Nob. {excited). Turn him out. I'll turn him out — but where is he 1 
 
 Susan. Hush ! he's in this room, {crosses to door, r.) I'll unlock the 
 door, {quietly unlocks door, r.) 
 
 Julia {crosses tc l.). We'll now retire and leave you to commence 
 operations. 
 
 Susan, {going — aside to 'Nobbs, pet ntomiming boxing), I say, Nobbs, 
 just give it to the imperent coxcomb. 
 
 Nob. All right, Susy, you leave him to me. 
 
 [Exeunt Julia and Susan, l. 
 
 Nob. {alone). I'll give him ten shillings' worth ; he shall have the 
 exact wally in black and blue, {begins systematically taking off his 
 coat.) 
 
 Rose, {opens door and pops his head out, not seeing Nobbs). Vewy 
 Rtwange that servant doesn't come to welease me. { jperceimng I^obbb) 
 Good gwacious ! a vulgar cweature in cordewoys — I'd better wetire 
 again, {disappears.) 
 
 Nob. {continuing his preparations). To think, now, that I should 
 come across my old flame Susy Hopkins in this permiscuous manner — 
 but, stop a bit, before I commence operations I must first of all put my 
 stock in trade out of harm's way — I'll just deposit my mills on the mat 
 outside, and then for business. I'll accommodate him with ten shillings' 
 worth! [Exit, -L. door in flat. 
 
8 TUKN HIM OUT. 
 
 Enter Moke, l. 3 k. ; he is dressed in a somewhat loud travelling suit' 
 
 Moke. Aha ! here I am at last. How delightful it is, after a long, 
 fatiguing journey, to find one's self safe and snug at home, with the re- 
 freshing^prospect of lunch, dressing-gown and slippers in prospective. 
 I've left my luggage at the " Pig and Mermaid," and have come in 
 through the garden and up the back staircase, on purpose to take my 
 little wify by surprise ! How delighted my little xn^y will be to see 
 me. {knowingly) She thinks I have been travelling on particular busi- 
 ness ; but not a bit of it. {chuckling) I've been having a delightful 
 fortnight all to myself at Scarborough. Oh ! that distracting little 
 widow in the velvet hat and feathers, how delightfully she danced the 
 Polka Mazourka-! she mistook me for a gay young bachelor. Aha! 
 what a deceitful young dog I am. (begins dancing about) Tra, la, la, 
 tva, la, la — it's too bad of me, it really is, but it's a way I've got. {con- 
 tinues dancing and singing in a highly conceited manner.) 
 
 Re-enter Nobbs, door l. 
 
 Nob. (perceimng Moke ajid mistaking him for Roseleaf, watches 
 him for a moment and then exclaims) Oho ! there you are. {crosses.) 
 
 Moke {starting and stopping short). Eh ! 
 
 Nob. {sarcastically). You're a pretty dancer, you are. 
 
 Moke [surprised). Who the devil's this % 
 
 Nob. You've come out, have you? 
 
 Moke {sur])rised). Come out % 
 
 Nob. [menacingly). You inweterate scoundrel ! {adoancing toicards 
 him) Now then, just hook it, will you? 
 
 Moke {surprised). Me hook it 1 
 
 Nob. How dare you go about intruding yourself into the buzzims of 
 respectable families, through their first floor windows % 
 
 MoKB {surprised). What the devil do you mean 1 
 
 Nob. {continuing). You're a pretty sort of chap to go galliwanting — 
 ho ! ho ! there's a phizzy mahogany ! 
 
 Moke {surp)rised). A phizzy mahogany 1 
 
 Nob. Vy you ought to be ashamed o' yourself at your time o' life, 
 you wild destroyer of domestic peace — don't you see that the good 
 lady won't have nothing to say to yer \ 
 
 Moke {astounded). The good lady — lohat good lady 1 
 
 Nob. Vy, the good lady as lives here. 
 
 Moke {astounded). What, Mrs. M. 7 
 
 Nob. Her name ain't nothing to do Avith the matter, {scornfully) You 
 thought you were going to come the gay deceiver, did yer 1 
 
 Moke {beivildered). Gay deceiver ! 
 
 Nob. But it ara't to be done. I'm here ! 
 
 Moke. I see you are. {angrily) Why the devil are you here? 
 
 Nob. {impressively). Why — why, to turn you out, and in double 
 quick time, too. 
 
 Moke. Turn me out ! {bursting into a toioering passion) Turn out 
 yourself, vile costermonger ! 
 
 Nob. Costermonger ! {squaring up at him in a highly scientific atti' 
 ttule) Just favor me with that 'ere hobserwation again ! 
 
 Moke {retreating round table). Get out of the house, you outrage- 
 ous specimen of plebeian impertinence ! 
 
 Nob. {tcho has meanwhile continued his scientific evolutions). Aha! 
 do you want to fall over the carpet in little diminutive morsels ? {seizes 
 and shakes him violently.) 
 
 J 
 
TtTEN aiM OUT. 
 
 Moke {roaring). On, oh! Why, the monster's as strong as a lion. 
 
 Nob '^(drac/ging him toicarcts door). Out with you ! • ,, • i 
 
 ZB^.%peiini door and looking out). What horwid wow is this 1 
 Oh, gwacious ! a wegular stand-up light on the premises. 
 
 MoK-F- (roaring'). Leave go! Murder! . 
 
 ToTi^d^or-^dragghw out Moke). Come along you old sinner, 
 
 ^TioKE {struggling). 1 won't come along 1 Help-murder-police- 
 
 fivp neighbors — thieves ! , . 7 ^ 
 
 XEMuntl^ruggling, door l. in flat ; ^^^''T^T. tXf iow' A 
 Rose {i&minq from room,-R., amazed). What a honud wow. A 
 tenXcLbat between an elderly individual ^ 
 
 wovs Stwancre place this; I weally wish I was safe out of it; but I 
 ail I would °and^ so I will 'pon my sacwed honor! Aha, some one 
 appwoaches. ' I'll wetire again. [Be-enters room, k., hastily. 
 
 Re-enter NoBBS,/rom door l., in flat. 
 
 Nob I never see such a himpedent customer in all my born days. I 
 was obligated for to tip him my " vun. two, three." afore he'd move on. 
 Howsomdever, that little matter's settled. 
 
 Susan re-enters, l. 1 e , d^uring the last loords. 
 
 Susan Settled, is it 1 that's all right. Missus will be so glad. 
 
 xNoB I gave him such a rolly-polying down the stairs. I've loosened 
 
 ^"Sut' %tve'him"iUt ! I've no pity for such impertinent puppies. 
 
 ^^o. (sentimentally). But I say, Susy, to think now ot us two co^^ 
 
 incr together agin in this 'ere unexpected manner ; it s foi all the woUd 
 
 ^:tl^^^'"^ t^emus, and no mistake ! But, I 
 say,'mts'suStt'L^^^^^^ you'd better go and get your half-a-sover- 
 
 ^' Rose, {iwpping his head out of door). Get his half-a-soveweign-oh, 
 
 ^''^fB%proachfully). Half-a-sovereign-I arn't half earned the 
 money, {sqlcringupfvy, for ten bob i ought to have knocked him 
 
 clean out of time ! . . •,• 
 
 SusAN. Come along, Mr. Nobbs, missus is awaiting. 
 
 Nob. {thoughtfully). Half-a-sovereign ! Why, he ain t had moie 
 
 than five shillin-s' worth-it's like receiving money under lalse pre- 
 
 tences,Tt is [Exeunt Susan and Nobbs, door l. 1 e. 
 
 Be-enter no&Eh^AF from room, K. 
 
 Rose, {vn great alarm). Oh, gwacious ! tl^^t fellow in the corduwo^^ 
 has acrreed to settle my business for the twifling siini of half-a-sove- 
 Weicfrf b t he has got hold of the wong man. My svmmexwica 
 Same's in danger. '^I'll be off. [approaching door at lack) Hallo! 
 somebody's coming up stairs, {retires afeiopaces.) 
 
 Re-enter Moke, hat crushed, cramt untied, and coat half off, l. door 
 in fleet. He is covered tcith mud. 
 
 Moke {ruhUng his arm). Not a policeman to be found anywhere— 
 
10 TUEN HIM OUT. 
 
 that's the worst of a suburban retreat, (indignantly) There's the City- 
 Police, and there's the Rural Police, but the authorities leave the 
 suburbs to take care of themselves. The idea of a respectable man 
 being positively turned out of his own house— I declare I never had 
 such^ shaking in all my life— but Mackintosh Moke isn't going to give 
 it up so. I've come back to be horribly revenged on that ruffian in 
 the corduroys. I'll let him know who is to turn out. {looking all 
 round) Why, where is he ] 
 
 Rose, [slinking toioards door). If I could just contwive to eweep out. 
 
 Moke {perceimng 'Ko^^j.y.ay). Ah! a stranger in lavenders. Hollo! 
 you, sir — who the devil are you 1 
 
 Rose. {JiorriUy alarmed — stammering molently). 'Pon my life — a — a 
 — I weally don't wemember. 
 
 Moke {furious). I'm not going to have my suburban retreat converted 
 into a public thoroughfare — know, sir, that my name is Moke ! 
 
 Rose, {alarmed). The husband, by Jupiter. 
 
 Moke {advancing). Now then, what do you want here ? 
 
 Rose, {stammering molently). A — a — I've called for the — the income- 
 tax. 
 
 Moke. The income-tax ! then you'd better call again — but stay ! 
 {seizing Ids hand) Perhaps you can tell me what that brute in the cor- 
 duroys was doing in my apartment 7 
 
 Rose, {mysteriously). I can. {looks cautiously round.) 
 
 Moke. You can — then do ! 
 
 Rose, (burlesque my stery— tapping Mm on the chest). I should 
 wecommend you to leave the countwy directly. 
 
 Moke {astounded). Leave the country ? 
 
 Rose, {mysteriously). And never weturn ! 
 
 Moke. You would % 
 
 Rose, {mysteriously). I should ! 
 
 Moke [astounded). You don't pretend to insinuate 
 
 Rose, {mysteriously). I do ! 
 
 Moke. You do ? {aside) The devil he do ! What a dreadful suspicion 
 crosses my mind — I'll interrogate Mrs. M. this very moment. I dare 
 say she's in the study. 
 
 Rose. She is, and so is Corduwoys. 
 
 Moke {loith a tragic start). Corduroys ! 
 
 Rose, {hurriedly). But you must excuse me : I'm off. 
 
 Moke {alarmed). Not a bit of it, Lavenders, {detaining him) You'll 
 stand by me, Lavenders ; you'll help me to exterminate this low-lived 
 desperado, {in a hoarse lohiper) We'll fall upon him together. Lavenders, 
 — a combined attack of a most tremendous description, {peeps through 
 keyhole of room, l.) Why, what do I behold 7 — Mrs. Moke giving the 
 scoundrel money — a plot against my existence. I — I say, {turning 
 round alarmed) I say. Lavenders, you'll protect me, won't you'?— we'll 
 drop upon the scoundrel and smash him simultaneously. 
 
 Rose, [evasively). Ya'as — we'll smash him, of course, {alarmed) I 
 hear iiim coming, {retreating) Oh, gwacious ! 
 
 Moke {detaining him). Don't run away, Lavenders — you shall hide 
 yourself in yonder cupboard, while I conceal myself behind the cur- 
 tains ; and when I give the signal. Lavenders, we'll rush upon him to- 
 gether — yoti understand, Lavenders 1 {rqjjwoacJies icindoio curtains, 
 and gets behind them.) 
 
 Rose, {in a great flutter). Wusli upon him ? — not if I know it — a — a 
 — I don't welish this style of thing — I'll just wush off and weturn when 
 the wow's is over — I said I would, and so I will, 'pon my sacwed honor ! 
 [Exit, L. door in flat, stealthily at back, imseen by Moke. 
 
TUEN HIM OUT. 11 
 
 Moke {looking from behind curtains). To think that a shabby ruffian 
 in corduroys should be in secret intelligence with Mrs. Molie. This 
 comes of my staying from liome to flirt with fascinating widows. Ah ! 
 the ruffian comes, {conceals himself behind the window curtains ) 
 
 Enter Nobbs and Susan, l. 1 e. 
 
 Nob. {tossing half a sovereign). As sweet a hinstalment as ever I re- 
 ceived — I think I shall cut the juvenile toy trade, and take to protecting 
 females in distress — but, I sa}^, Susan, previous to starting, couldn't you 
 accommodate a fellow with a nip o' soraraat inwigorating % 
 
 Susan. Couldn't I ? — why, of course, I could ; I know missus 'ud be 
 agreeable, {crosses to cupboord, k. in flat, and takes out glass and bottle 
 on tray.) 
 
 Moke {po^jping out his head — aside, furiously). Would she, though'? 
 
 SusAjjf {^returning with brandy). This is master's very best foreign 
 brandy, as he only gives to \i\s, particular friends. 
 
 Moke {aside, hysterically). His, particular friends ! {shakes his fist) 
 . Nob. Then here's your master's health — I looks towards him. {drinks, 
 and draws a long breath) Ah ! that's inwigorating. I don't keep much 
 of a cellar myself, but I appreciates a good article. Veil, the British 
 public demands my services. I'm off; but I say, Susy, you'll meet us 
 sometimes at the corner, when you goes for the family errands; and I 
 say — you'll sie us a kiss, won't you — gie us a kiss, and I'll gie you a 
 windmill ! {kisses her.) 
 
 Susan. La ! Mr. Nobbs ! what a man you are % 
 
 MoKR {peeping out). Aha ! he's kissing my maid-of- all-work — I — I'll 
 give the signal at once, {whistles.) 
 
 Sus\N {{^i(^'^^ting). What's that? {Mokk loJiistles again.) 
 
 Nob. {listening). It's only the vind vistlin' through the keyhole. 
 (MoKE lohistles again.) 
 
 Susan. No! it's some one behind the curtains— look — they're shaking 
 to and fro — it's that horrid fellow come back again ! 
 
 Nob {starting). What ! 
 
 Susan. Oh, goodness, I am so frightened; I'll run and tell missus. 
 
 [Exit, L. 1 E. 
 . Moke {aside). Why, where's Lavenders % I'll repeat the signal. 
 {whistles again.) 
 
 Nob. He's a vistlin again ! {scientifically tucking wp his sleeves and 
 squaring in the direction of the curtains) I'll vistle him ! {approaches 
 curtains.) 
 
 Moke {poking his head out). Now where the devil is Lavenders 1 
 
 Nob. {suddenly pouncing upon him) Aha ! it is you, is it ? you've 
 come back, have you 1 {drags him forward.) 
 
 Moke {struggling). Halloa! gently; here, Lavenders, where the devil 
 are you 1 hi ! 
 
 Nob. There ain't no Lavenders here ! {squaring up at Moke, and 
 bobbing scientifically round and round him) Now, then, where will you 
 have it 1 
 
 Moke {indignantly). I won't have it at all; I tell you my name's 
 Moke ! 
 
 Nob. {continuing to bob round him). I'll moke you ! 
 
 Moke {dodging him b.). I — I'm the proprietor of " Sunflower 
 Lodge." 
 
 Nob. {squaring). Ha ! ha ! well, you are a cheeky customer. 
 
12 TUEN HIM OUT. 
 
 Moke {retreating, roaring) I tell you I've just returned from the] 
 country ! 
 
 Nob. {following Mm up and giving him a tremendous thump). Thes 
 you had better go back again. 
 
 Moke {attempting to defend himself— in a towering passion). I — ^1 
 won't go back again — here — police ! (r.) 
 
 Nob. Ah ! I see you want the " vun — two — three " again — I'll spoil^ 
 your gallivanting for you. 
 
 Moke {roaring). Murder! (Nobbs runs after him — catches him at\ 
 second door l , and carries him off.) 
 
 Nob. {off stage). Turn out, you wile irnposter — turn out ! 
 
 Moke {off stage — roaring). Thieves ! police ! murder ! fire, {terrific 
 struggle and noise offurniiiire upsetting and windoics hreaking, heard 
 outside.) 
 
 Re-enter Julia and Susax. 
 
 Julia. Dear me, what an awful noise — what a terrible resistance he 
 must be making. 
 
 Sdsax. He's the most persevering individual I ever heerd on ! {glass 
 crash, l. u. e. Noise ceases.) 
 
 Re-enter Nobbs, l. 2 door. • 
 
 Nob. {triumphantly^. I've turned him out! 
 Julia {alarmed). Why, what have you done 1 
 Nob. I've chucked him out of the window *? 
 
 SusI'n \ ^P(>9^if^^'^')' O'-^t of the window ! 
 
 Nob. Yes ; don't be alarmed — he's all right, I dropped him on to a 
 gooseberry bush. I never see such a impident customer — he actually 
 bad the owdacity to say he was the proprietor of Sunflower Lodge. ^; 
 
 SusAx. Well, I never! 
 
 Julia. What unheard of presumption ! My husband is at this mo- 
 ment at Scarborough, and I trust the annoyance to which his wife is 
 subjected will be a lesson to him, and make him stop at home for the 
 future, {ring heard at hell.) 
 
 Susan. Sumun a-ringing. Ah ! mum, p'raps it's master. 
 
 [Exit, door in fiat. 
 
 Julia. I sincerely hope it is, for I never felt so terrified in my life. 
 
 Nob. And worry nat'ral too, mum. {aside) I wonder whether sheMl 
 ask me to dinner. 
 
 Re-enter Susav, hastily, followed by two Porteks — bearing a large 
 trunk which they set down at back of stage. N. B. the keyhole 
 side must be turned away from audience. 
 
 Susan. Oh, please mum, it arn't master, but it's master's luggage ! 
 
 Julia. His luggage % {to Porters) but isn't my husband there him- 
 self? 
 
 First Porteu (knoidngly). He ain't far off, is he, Bill 1 — ha, ha I 
 
 Second Porter {significantly). No, that he ain't, Sam— ho, ho! 
 
 . [Pohters dig one another in the ribs omcl exeunt, door in fiat, l. 
 
 Julia {puzzled). Not far off, how very mysterious — however, 1 sup- 
 pose lie'll soon be here, {to Nobbs) Then, my good man, I can only 
 thank you for your zeal and ask you 
 
 Nob. {disappointed). To move o(F the premises I suppose, {aside) 
 She might ha' invited me to stop and pick a bit with the governor ; but 
 
TURN HIM OUT. 13 
 
 tliat's female gratitude, that is — they'll get all they can out of you and 
 then they don't care what becomes of you. {aloud) Then here's wishing 
 j'-ou good morning. Good-bye, Susy dear. 
 
 Susan. Good-bye, Mr. Nobbs. {aside to Nobbs, l. c). Step into the 
 back kitchen — I'll. join you, presently. 
 
 Nob. {aside). Back kitchen — all right, {aside— going) I wish she had 
 made it the pantry. [Exeunt, door in flat, l. 
 
 Julia. And now I trust we shall have a little peace and quiet. \ 
 R. of table and takes iqj work) By-the-bye, Susan, you must be careful 
 never to mention what has happened to your master, {at this moment 
 lid of trunk is seen to rise.) 
 
 Susan {at table, n.). Rely on me, ma'rm. {crosses to r. c.) 
 
 Julia. It might annoy him. (Moke pops Ids head out over lid of 
 trunk.) 
 
 Moke {aside). Might annoy hi'm. I should rather think it might — 
 the intriguing liusaies, I've come back, inside my own box, in order to 
 discover the I'eal state of aflPairs ; I'll petrify them by my unexpected 
 presence, {rises in trunk and is about to discover himself, lohen Rose- 
 leaf cautiously ijeeps in at back.) 
 
 Rose, {aside). The stweetdoor was open, {advancing to Julia) I said 
 I would, and so I will, 'pon my sacwed honor! 
 
 Julia {screaming). Ah ! here again ! 
 ■ Rose, {places his hat on table and throics himself on his knees). Yes, 
 entwancing creature, here — here — again — always here ! {tliumps him- 
 self on chest with exaggerated gestures and seizes Julia's hand.) 
 
 Susan. Nobbs is in the kitchen, I'll run and fetch him up. 
 
 [Exit, L. 
 
 Moke {^recognizing Roseleaf— as^V?e, utterly amazed). Why, there's 
 Income-tax at it now ! 
 
 Julia. Unhand me, sir. {breaking from Roseleaf) Oh ! this is really 
 terrible ! [Exit, r. 1 e. 
 
 Moke {aside looking out of box). I'll just give that Lavenders one for 
 himself. 
 
 Nob. {voice heard outside). Vere is he, let me get at him. 
 
 Rose, {horribly amazed). Aha ! that howid weptile. Oh gvvacious ! 
 where the devil shall I run ; I'll take wefuge here, {enters room, r. 2 e ) 
 
 Enter Susan and Nobbs, door l. 
 
 Moke (aside). Corduroys, by Jupiter, (bobs down, box closes with a 
 loud slam.) 
 
 Susan {perceiving the box shut). What's that 1 the lid o' the box 
 slammed to 1 {looking round and missing Roseleaf — astounded and 
 significantly to box, crossing to r.) Well, I never, if he aint hid hisself 
 in master's box ! 
 
 Nob. {astounded). I never did see such a hartful customer. Howsom- 
 dever we've got him safe this time, {approaches trunk on tip toe) As 
 turning out aint o' no use, I'll just turn him in / [turns key in lock.) 
 
 Susan {clapping her hands). Ha! ha! he's locked him in— brayvo ! 
 capital ! 
 
 Moke {inside box). Eh ! I say ! hollo ! what are you doing ? 
 
 Eenter Julia, door r. 1 e. 
 
 Susan. Oh, missis ! missis ! what do you think 1 {in a hoarse ichiper) 
 he's in there ! 
 
 Julia {astounded). In my husband's trunk! 
 
14: TUEN KQI OUT. 
 
 Nob. Ah ! he's a sharp 'un — he knows what's what, he does. It 
 ain't o' no use mincing the matter, I'll take box and all and drop him 
 into the ditch round the corner, [endeavors to lift trunk,') 
 
 Moke {inside trunk, making a tremendous noise). No ! no ! it's all 
 a mistake — murder ! 
 
 Susan {loho has meanwhile taken Roseleaf's hat from table). Oh, 
 mum, here's his hat, with his address inside it — No. 16 Rosemary Villas. 
 Suppose we send him home. 
 
 Nob. {takes hat, looks at address and 2^uts hat on). Very good, I'm 
 agreeable ! it's just handy, so I'll charter a light porter, and do the 
 thing in style, {tugs at box.) 
 
 Susan {assisting). That vvay, then, Mr. Nobbs, down the little back 
 staircase, and through the garden. 
 
 Moke {roaring inside box). Let me out, it's all a mistake. 
 
 Nob. Yes, it is a mistake, and a mistake on your side, too, {tugging 
 molently) what a precious weight he is to be sure, [lets go trunk, which 
 falls back loith a tremendous noise.) 
 
 Moke {inside trunk — roaring). — o — oh ! 
 
 Nob. Ah, you don't like it, don't you ? Come along you wile impos- 
 tor — gently over the stones, {drags box towards door, l ) Not respon- 
 sible for damage done, you know, ha, ha ! 
 
 [Exit, L. 3 E., dragging box after Mm — Moke continuing to shout, 
 " Let me out," etc., etc. 
 
 Julia {sinks into chair, r., and fanning herself with her pocket- 
 handkerchief). I declare the events of this day have thoroughly ex- 
 hausted me. 
 
 Susan {sinks into chair l., and fanning herself with her apron). 
 I'm in such a flustration, I don't know where I am, howsomd^ver we've 
 turned him out this time, and no mistake. 
 
 Julia. Yes, thank goodness, he can never trouble us again. 
 
 Enter Eoseleaf, r. 1 e. 
 
 Rose, {issuing cautiously from room, r.). I said I would and so 
 
 Susan s (^'^''^*^'^**^5' molently and starting up). Ah ! 
 
 Julia {in a paroxysm of fear). No, it's impossible — it can't be ! 
 
 Susan {loildly). I do believe he ain't a human creetur ! He's a hob- 
 goblin, or a daddy longlegs, or summat supernatr'al- 
 
 Julia. Incomprehensible being, how did you get out of that box ? 
 
 Rose, {surprised). What box ? 
 
 Julia. The box now on the way to your residence. 
 
 Susan. With you inside it. 
 
 Rose, {astounded). With me inside it 1 Aha! I compwehend. (^?•^■- 
 umphantly) They have bagged the wrong man, ha, ha, ha 1 {stopping 
 short) But, oh, gwacious ! {aside) They've sent him to my private 
 wesidence {horrified) My wich aunt will hear of my atwocious be- 
 havior — I'll run home at once, {to Julia) but I'll return — I said I would, 
 and so I will, 'pon my sacwed honor. [Exit l., door in flat. 
 
 Susan [utterly astounded). Weil, if that ain't mysterious, 1 don't 
 know what is 1 
 
 Jdlia {bewildered). Its the most astounding thing I ever heard of ! 
 I declare, I'll remove from Sunflower Lodge the moment my husband 
 returns. 
 
 Enter Nobbs, l. 2 door. 
 
TUKN HIM OUT. 15 
 
 Nob. {hastily). I've left him at the perscriytion. 
 
 Julia. Left him ? Why he's been here again ! 
 
 Nob. {astounded). Here ! Who ? 
 
 Jul. AVhy, the man in the box. 
 
 Nob. I tell you, I've just left him, with your compliments, at 16 
 Rosemary Willas, a kicking away like a hinsane donkey. 
 
 Susan {utterly heioildered). It's getting horful .' 
 
 Julia {amazed). It really is astounding. 
 
 Nob. {mysteriously). Conjuring's a fool to this. It's my belief he 
 arn't no hordinary hinterloper — he's a wampire, or a jack-in-the-box, 
 one or the other — it arn't safe for two unprotected females to be left 
 alone in this 'ere surrubian willa residence, {crosses to c. — to Julia) 
 You'd better enter into a prumminent harrangement witli me, mum, one 
 pound a week, board, lodging and protection included. 
 
 Julia {hastily). Yes, yes, my good man — you had better enter on 
 your duties at once. 
 
 Nob, {triumphantly). I know'd you couldn't do without me ; but I 
 say, now that I'm one o' the family like, {looking at his dress) p'raps 
 you could accommodate me with a change of togs, in case visitors 
 should call. 
 
 SusAif. Ah ! mum, I knovv^s what I'll get him. (going.) 
 
 Nob. And, I say, as you are so pressing, a snack o' lunch wouldn't 
 do me any positive hinjury. 
 
 Julia. By all means ! Susan, supply our heroic defender with what- 
 ever he may require. 
 
 Susan. Leave him to me, mum — I'll take cart of him, mum. {aside — 
 going) Nicodemus on the premises — lawks ! How snug it will be. 
 
 [Exit, door l. 1 e. 
 Julia. Well, I suppose our annoyances are really over at last. Come 
 v.'hat may, nothing shall ever induce me to live in a " suburban retreat" 
 again. [Exit, door r. 1 e. 
 
 Nob. {alone — looking round) Well, I don't know — this ere surrubian 
 retreat is about as snug a crib as I should care to live in — by jingo, if 
 they'd only engage me as a wally-de-sham ! — I've had enough of the 
 juvenile toy line — half-penny mills is a werry poor way of raising the 
 ■wind. I should like to settle down into a quiet, genteel line of hocki- 
 pation. 
 
 Re-enter Susan, with dressing-goion and smoking-cap, and small tray, 
 on which are cold meat, jug, etc., doorh. 1 e — she places tray on 
 table and approaches Nobbs, 'with gown, etc. 
 
 . Susan. Here you are, Mr. Nobbs — I've brought you master's dressing 
 gown. That's about- the style o' thing, eh ? 
 
 Nob. {putting on gown, ichich is too large for him). Not exactly what 
 I calls a tit, howsumdever, {putting''pn smoking-cap) the general effect's 
 pretty tidy, {wheels up a large easy chair and sits down at table) Ah ! 
 that's the style, {rubs his hands joyfully.) 
 
 Susan {affecting surprise). Well, 1 never, if I ain't been and brought 
 up two plates. 
 
 Nob. Bray vo ! you'll join in a friendly mossel, won't you, Susy 1 
 
 Susan {sitting doion at table). Well, now, if it ain't like old times us 
 two' a sitting together agin, {gushingly) Oh ! Nicodemus, do you re- 
 member Avhen we used to play at fly the garter 1 
 
 Nob. {tenderly). Do I remember, Susy 1 Of course I do ! [gate bell 
 heard — Susan starts up. ) 
 
16 TUEN HIM OUT. 
 
 Susan {sharjply). Drat that bell, I declare there ain't no remembering 
 noLliink. [Exit Susan, l. door in'flat. 
 
 Nob. (tcitJi his mouth full). I never see sich a place for knocks and 
 i-ings — 1 hope to goodness it ain't the governor come home, {pours out 
 heer and drinks.) 
 
 Me-enter ^usA-s idth Mok-e envelojyedin an immense macldntosh — the 
 low sv part of his face is entirely concealed by a comforter -he also 
 wears a wide-awake pulled close down over Ms eyes — Nobbs is com- 
 pletely concealed ty hack of arm-chair. 
 
 Moke {disguising Ms voice). Letter from Mr. Moke to Mrs. ditto — 
 bearer waits. . 
 
 Susan {aside -snappishly). Drat the bearer? {aloud) I'll give it to 
 missus. [Exit, r. 1 e. 
 
 MoKE {aside — tragiccdly). I'm convinced there's a sensation drama of 
 a diabolical description now performing within these very walls. I, 
 INIackintosh Moke, have been turned out of my own house — pitched out 
 of my own first floor window, and rattled about in my own box like a 
 tee-to"-tum in fits, but Mackintosh Moke isn't going to give it up so ; I'll 
 sift this horrible mystery to the uttermost ; and then, {tragically) for 
 vengeance— full, complete and terrible! {stamps.) 
 
 N()B. {:iDith his mouth full). Who's that a stamping on our carpet. 
 
 Moke {;iDho has meamohile come forward, p)erceiving Kobbs). Aha ! 
 what do I behold 1 That costermonger figged out in my garments, and 
 consuming my provisions. Fire and fury! He seems to live here! 
 {watching) Two plates too! {furiously) Mrs. M. has evidently been 
 hob-nobbing with the scoundrel. 
 
 Nob. {looking round — with Ms mouth full). I say, you in the water- 
 proof. Old Moke ain't coming home, is he % 
 
 Moke {idth withering sarcasm). Perhaps you'd prefer " old Moke " 
 would stop away 1 
 
 Nob. Stop away ! I wish he'd stop away altogether. 
 
 Moke {aside — tragically) He owns it; the miscreant owns it ! 
 
 Nob. {icith his mouth full) Don't get such snug quarters every day ! 
 And then, the missus is so precious kind to me. 
 
 Moke {starting violently). The" devil she is! {loildly) I — I— can't 
 stand this ! {tragically) I feel an irresistible desire to plunge yon carv- 
 ing-knife into the miscreant's bread basket ! {stealthily steps hehind. 
 table and seizes carving-knife.) 
 
 Nob. {suddenly turning round). Now then, gently with that 'ere im- 
 plement. 
 
 Moke (stammering violently). I — I — was about — a — a — to cut myself 
 a — a sandwich. 
 
 Nob. {retreating to c). Then perhaps you'll cut it a little farther 
 off"— or if you'd cut it altogether 1 should prefer it. I don't half like 
 this gent in the waterproof. 
 
 Enter Julia and Susan, hastily, r. 1 e. 
 
 Julia {looking at letter). This is really incomprehensible ! my husband 
 iu i!iis letter overwhelms me with the bitterest reproaches ! 
 
 Moke {aside). How well she feigns surprise! 
 
 Julia {bewildered). He accuses mo of having hired an assassin in cor- 
 duroys to turn him out, and {referring to letter — surprised] throw him 
 out of the window ! 
 
TURN HIM OUT. 17 
 
 Nob. {aside). Corduroys ! {pulling up dressing gown and looking at 
 Ms nether garments — crossing to u.) 
 
 Julia, {leicildered). What on earth does he mean 1 I'll hasten to him 
 at once, {turning to Moke, c.) But where is my husband ? 
 
 Enter Roseleaf during last words, cautiously at hack, door in flat, l. 
 
 Rose, (l,, not recognizing Moke, aside). Where's her husband! 
 {aloud) I know where he is. I'll take you to him ; {offering his arm) 
 he's just wound the corner. 
 
 Moke (r. c, hastily interposing— furiously). He isn't wound the 
 corner. 
 
 Julia (l. c). He isn't % {bewildered) Then where is he 1 
 
 IVIoKE {throwing off his cloak — striking a tremendous attitude — trag- 
 ically) Here — off! off! disguise. Moke is himself again ! Oho! aha! 
 {burlesque tableau.) 
 
 All. What! 
 
 Julia {joyfully approaching him). My dear husband ! 
 
 Moke {tragically). Woman, avaunt ! (Julia starts back in surprise.) 
 
 Rose, {alarmed). The husband again! Oh, gwacious! {gets behind 
 arm-chair. ) 
 
 Nob. (r.> dumbfounded). Husband ! and I've been giving him " vun, 
 two, three." I'd better make it up at once, {turns round icith extreme 
 cordiality) Moke, ray dear fellow, how are you ? 
 
 Moke {with tremendous dignity, pushing him away). Off, burglari- 
 ous desperado ! 
 
 Julia {re-approaching). But, my dear Mackintosh 
 
 Moke, {to his loife, who has approached him). Don't Mackintosh me. 
 Away, deceitful female ! 
 
 Julia {astounded). Deceitful female ! is it possible 1 Yes, yes — I see 
 it all. {to NoBBs) You've been turning out the wrong man. 
 
 Nob. {beicildered). So I perceive. But where's the right 'un ? 
 
 Rose, {aside). It stwikes me I'd better be off. {creeps stealthily from 
 behind arm-chair, and makes for the door.) 
 
 Julia. Why, there he goes I {pointing to Roseleaf.) 
 
 Nob. Aha ! {running after him) No, you don't — not a bit of i 
 {dragging him back) Oho! you're the hidentical, are you % 
 
 Rose, {horribly alarmed). No, I'm not — 'pon honor, I'm not ! 
 
 Moke {seizing Re self af by the ear). You've called for the income 
 tax, have you ? 
 
 Nob. {dragging him). Then, we'll give you ninepence in the pound ! 
 I've turned a 'spectable man out of his own house, and all along of 
 you, eh 1 
 
 Rose, {stammering). N — n — no — I — I — I— Oh, gwacious! this is 
 dweadful ! . - 
 
 Nob. {continuing). Howsomdever the 'spectable gentleman went out 
 o' that window, {pointing off\ l. 2 e. ) The wile impostor shall go out o' 
 this ! 
 
 Moke {seizes Roseleaf). Out with him ! 
 
 Rose, {struggling — horribly alarmed). No — no — you wouldn't be so 
 <wvuel. 
 
 Moke > {together). Wouldn't I thougl) ! (Moke and Nobbs take him 
 
 to icindoic, c.) 
 
 Nob. Now, then, prepare for instant hextermination. {they take Rose- 
 leaf and attempt to raise him.) 
 
18 
 
 TUKN HIM OUT. 
 
 Rose, {in agony of terror). Murder ! 
 
 Moke. Out with him ! the ornamental water butt's just outside, (thei/ 
 lift him to the loindow ledge.) 
 
 Rose, {on his knees on window ledge — to Julia sujpiMantly). A — a — 
 you wouldn't suffer them to sacwifice an intewesting fellow cweature 1 
 
 Julia. Well, {laughing) I'm afraid I must intercede for him after all. 
 {to Roseleaf) You'll never persecute unprotected females again 1 
 
 Rose, {stammering). I said I would, but I weally {looking at Julia 
 who is checking him) wont, upon my sacwed honor. 
 
 Moke {releasing him). Let me catch you calling for any more income- 
 tax, that's all. {aside) It serves me right for flirting with fascinating 
 widows, when I've got a charming wife at home. 
 
 Nob. {releasing Roseleaf, and approaching Moke — making a leg). 
 No offence, your honor's worship — if I did turn you out it was all for 
 your own good you know, {taking off dressing gown, etc.) 
 
 Moke. My own good % {rubbing his arm ruefully) Ahem ! I don't 
 know how to express my gratitude. 
 
 Nob. Then I'll tell you. Engage me as a wally-de-sham 
 
 Susan. Oh, do, sir ! he'll look splendacious in red plush. 
 
 Moke {aside). He certainly would make a magnificent Johnny. 
 
 Nob. And if you wants a reference, I've plenty o' references, {to au- 
 dience) You'll give me a reference, won't you, ladies and gentlemen 1 I 
 always exert myself to give satisfaction, so recommend the engagement, 
 and I'll take care you shall never have occasion to say " Turn Him 
 Out." 
 
 GUBTAim 
 
 i 
 
ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMA. 
 
 " Let those laugh now who never laughed before, 
 And those who always laughed now laugh the more." 
 
 Nothing so thorough and complete in the way of Ethiopian and Comic Dramas 
 has ever been printed as those that appear in the following list. Not only are the 
 plots excellent, the characters droll, the incidents funny, the language humorous, 
 but all the situations, by-play, positions, pantomimic business, scenery, and tricks 
 are so plainly set down and clearly explained, that the merest novice could put 
 any of them on the stage. Included in this catalogue are all the most laughable 
 and effective pieces of their class ever produced. 
 
 *** In ordering, please copy the figures at the commencement of each play, 
 which indicate the number of the piece in " De Witt's Ethiopian and Comic 
 Dkama." 
 
 J^^ Any of the following plays sent, postage free, on receipt of price — 
 1§ Cents Eaclk* Address, 
 
 CLINTON T. DE WITT, 
 
 JVb. 33 Rose Street, JVew York. 
 
 F. female. 
 
 The figures in the columns indicate the number of characters— M. male, 
 
 No. 
 73. 
 107. 
 
 79. 
 
 108. 
 
 35. 
 
 41. 
 12. 
 53. 
 
 m. 
 
 110. 
 
 111. 
 
 50. 
 64. 
 
 M. F. 
 
 African Box, burlesque, 2 scene 5 
 Africanus Bluebeard, musical 
 
 Ethiopian burlesque 6 2 
 
 Baby Elephant, sketch, 2 scene 7 1 
 Barney's Courtship, musical 
 
 interlude, 1 act 1 1 
 
 Bad Whiskey, sketch. 1 scene. 2 1 
 Black Chap from Whitechapel, 
 
 negro piece 4 
 
 Black Chemist, sketch, 1 scene 3 
 Black-ey'd William, sketch, 2 
 
 scenes 4 1 
 
 Big Mistake, sketf^h, 1 scene.. 4 
 
 Bogus Indian, sketch, 4 scenes 5 2 
 Bogus Talking Machines (The) 
 
 farce, 1 scene 4 
 
 Bruised and Cured, sketch, 1 
 
 scene 2 
 
 Charge of the Hash Brigade, 
 
 Irish musical sketch 2 2 
 
 Coal Heaver's Revenge, negro 
 
 sketch, 1 scene 6 
 
 Cremation, sketch, 2 scenes... 8 1 
 
 Daguerreotypes, sketch, 1 scene 3 
 Damon and Pythias, burlesque, 
 
 2 scenes 5 1 
 
 Darkey's Stratagem, 1 act — 3 1 
 De Black Magician, Ethiopian 
 
 comicality, i scene 4 2 
 
 Deeds of Darkness, Ethiopian 
 
 extravaganza, 1 act 8 1 
 
 Draft (The), sketch, 1 act 6 
 
 Dutchman's Ghost, 1 scene... 4 1 
 
 No. 
 95. 
 
 67. 
 4. 
 98. 
 52. 
 25. 
 
 51. 
 
 88. 
 
 106. 
 
 23. 
 
 Dutch Justice, sketch, 1 scene 11 
 Editor's Troubles, farce, 1 see. 6 
 
 Eh ? What is It ? sketch 4 
 
 Elopement (The), farce, 1 scene 4 
 Excise Trials, sketch, 1 scene. 10 
 Fellow that Looks Like Me, in- 
 
 terhide, 1 scene .... 2 
 
 Fisherman's Luck, 1 scene.... 2 
 First Night (The), Dutch farce, 
 
 1 act , 4 
 
 Gambrinus, King of Lager 
 
 Beer, Ethiopian burlesque, 2 
 
 scenes 8 
 
 German Emigrant (The), sketch 
 
 1 scene — , 2 
 
 Getting Square on the Call Boy, 
 
 sketch, 1 scene 3 
 
 Ghost (The), sketch, 1 act 2 
 
 Ghost in a Pawnshop, 1 scene. 4 
 
 Gl3xerine Oil, sketch. ., 3 
 
 Going for the Cup, interlude.. 4 
 Good Night's Rest, 1 scene. .. 3 
 
 Gripsack, sketch, 1 Gcene 3 
 
 Guide to the Stage, sketch.... 3 
 
 Happy Couple, 1 scene 2 
 
 Hard Times, extravaganza, 1 
 
 scene 5 
 
 Hemmed In, sketch 3 
 
 High Jack, the Heeler, 1 scene 6 
 
 Hippotheatron, sketch 9 
 
 In and Out, sketch, 1 scene... 2 
 
 Jealous Husband, sketch 2 
 
 Julius, the Snoozer, 3 scenes,, 7 
 
DE WITT'S ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMA (Continued). 
 
 No. M. P. 
 
 103. Katrina's Little Game, Dutch 
 
 act, 1 scene 1 2 
 
 1. Last of the Mohicans, sketch.. 3 1 
 
 36. Laughing Gas, sketch, 1 scene. 6 1 
 
 18. Live Injun, sketch, 4 scenes. . . 4 1 
 60. Lost Will, sketch 4 
 
 37. Lucky Job, farce, 2 scenes 3 2 
 
 90. Lunatic (The), farce, 1 scene.. 3 
 109. Making a Hit, farce, 2 scenes.. 4 
 
 19. Malicious Trespass, 1 scene.... 3 
 96. Midnight Intruder (The), farce, 
 
 1 scene 6 1 
 
 101. Mollie Moriarty, Irish music- 
 al sketch, 1 scene 1 1 
 
 8. Mutton Trial, sketch, 2 scenes 4 
 
 44. Musical Servant, sketch, 1 see. 3 
 49. Night in a Strange Hotel, 
 
 sketch, 1 scene 2 
 
 22. Obeying Orders, sketch 1 scene 2 1 
 27. One Hundredth Night of Ham- 
 let, sketch 7 1 
 
 30. One Night in a Barroom, 
 
 sketch 7 
 
 7u. One, Two, Three, 1 scene 7 
 
 87. Pete and the Peddler, Negro 
 
 and Irish sketch, 1 scene .2 1 
 
 9. Policy Players, sketch, 1 scene 7 
 57. Pompey's Patients, interlude, 
 
 2 sc jnes : 6 
 
 65. Porter's Troubles, 1 scene 6 1 
 
 66. Port Wine vs. Jealousy, sketch 2 1 
 
 91. Painter's Apprentice (The), 
 
 farce, 1 scene — 5 
 
 92. Polar Bear (The), 1 scene 4 1 
 
 14. Eecruiting Office, sketch, 1 act. 5 
 
 45. Kemittance from Home, 
 
 sketch, 1 scene 6 
 
 105. Rehearsal (The), Irish farce, 2 
 
 scenes 4 2 
 
 55. Rigging a Purchase, sketch, 1 
 
 scene 3 
 
 81. Rival Artists, sketch, 1 scene. 3 
 
 26. Rival Tenants, sketch 4 
 
 ; 15. Sam's Courtship, farce, 1 act.. 2 1 
 
 ' 59. Sausage Makers, 2 scenes 5 1 
 
 80. Scenes on the Mississippi, 
 
 2 scenes 6 
 
 21. Scampini, pantomime, 2 scenes 6 3 
 84. Serenade(The), sketch, 2 scenes 7 
 
 38. Siamese Twins, 2 scenes 5 
 
 74. Sleep Walker, sketch, 2 scenes 3 
 
 46. Slippery Day, sketch, 1 scene. 6 1 
 69. Squire for a Day, sketch 5 1 
 
 56. Stage-struck Couple, 1 scene.. 2 1 
 72. Stranger, burlesque, 1 scene... 1 2 
 
 and 2 children. 
 7. Stupid Servant, sketch, 1 scene 2 
 13. Streets of New York, 1 scene . 6 
 16. Storming the Fort, 1 scene 5 
 
 47. Take it, Don't Take It, 1 scene 2 
 54. Them Papers, sketch, 1 scene. 3 
 
 100. Three Chiefs (The), 2 scenes . . 6 
 
 102. Three A. M., sketch, 2 scenes. 3 1 
 34, Three Strings to One Bow, 
 
 sketch, 1 scene 4 1 
 
 2. Tricks, sketch 5 2 
 
 104. TwoAwfuls (The), 1 scene.... 5 
 6. Two Black Roses, sketch 4 1 
 
 28. Uncle Eph's Dream, 2 scenes.. 3 1 
 62. Vinegar Bitters, sketch, 1 scene 1 
 32. Wake Up, William Henry. .. . 3 
 
 M. T. 
 
 Wanted, a Nurse, 1 scene 4 
 
 Weston the Walkist, Dutch 
 
 sketch, 1 scene 7 1 
 
 What Shall I Take ? farce, 1 act 8 1 
 
 Who Died First ? 1 scene 3 1 
 
 Who's the Actor ? farce, 1 
 
 scene 4 
 
 Wrong Woman iu the Right 
 
 Place, sketch, 2 scenes 2 2 
 
 Young Scamp, sketch, 1 scene. 3 
 
DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS (Continued). 
 
 No. 
 144. 
 
 34. 
 137. 
 111. 
 119. 
 165. 
 
 48. 
 
 33. 
 164. 
 109. 
 
 85. 
 
 87. 
 143. 
 189. 
 163. 
 154. 
 
 7. 
 
 49. 
 
 1.5. 
 
 46. 
 
 51. 
 184. 
 108. 
 188. 
 169. 
 130. 
 
 93. 
 193. 
 
 140. 
 
 115. 
 2. 
 
 57. 
 104. 
 112. 
 185. 
 
 84. 
 117. 
 
 171. 
 14. 
 
 173. 
 176. 
 90. 
 
 170. 
 
 M. F. 
 
 Lancashire Lass, melodrama, 5 acts.l3 
 Larkins' Love Letters, farce, 1 act.. 3 
 
 L' Article 47, drama, 3 acts 11 
 
 Liar (The), comedy, 2 acts 7 
 
 Life Chase, drama, 5 acts 14 
 
 Living Statue (The), farce, 1 act. . . . 3 
 Little Annie's Birthday, farce, 1 act. 2 
 
 Little Eebel, farce, 1 act 4 
 
 Little Kuby, drama, 3 acts 6 
 
 Locked In, comedietta, 1 act 2 
 
 Locked Tn with a Lady, sketch, 1 act. 1 
 
 Locked Out, comic scene 1 
 
 Lodgers and Dodgers, farce, 1 act. . 4 
 Leap Year, musical duality, 1 act. . . 1 
 
 Marcoretti, drama, 3 acts 10 
 
 Maria and Magdalena, play, 4 acts . 8 
 Marriage at Any Price, farce, 1 act. 5 
 Master Jones' Birthday, farce, 1 act. 4 
 
 Maud's Peril, drama, 4 acts 5 
 
 Midnight Watch, drama, 1 act . . 8 
 
 Milky White, drama, 2 acts 4 
 
 Miriam's Crime, drama, 3 acts 5 
 
 Model of a Wife, farce, 1 act 3 
 
 Money, comedy, 5 acts 17 
 
 Mr. Scroggins, farce, 1 act 3 
 
 Mr. X., farce, 1 act 3 
 
 My Uncle's Suit, farce, 1 act 4 
 
 My Wife's Diary, farce, 1 act 
 
 My Wife's Out, farce, 1 act 
 
 My Walking Photograph, musical 
 
 duality, 1 act 
 
 Never lieckon Your Chickens, etc., 
 
 farce, 1 act 3 4 
 
 New^ Mea and Old Acres, comedy, 3 8 5 
 
 Nohody's Child, drama, 3 acts 8 3 
 
 Noemie, drama, 2 acts 4 4 
 
 No Name, drama, 5 acts 7 5 
 
 Not a Bit Jealous, farce, 1 act 3 3 
 
 Not So Bad as We Seem, play, 5 acts. 14 3 
 
 Not Guilty, drama, 4 acts 10 6 
 
 Not Such a Fool as He Looks, drama, 
 
 3 acts 5 4 
 
 Nothing Like Paste, farce, 1 act 3 1 
 
 No Thoroughfare, drama, 5 acts and 
 
 prologue 13 6 
 
 Off the Stage, comedietta, 1 act 3 3 
 
 On Bread and Water, farce, 1 act. . . 1 2 
 
 Only a halfpenny, farce, 1 act 2 2 
 
 Only Somebody, farce, 1 act. ...... 4 2 
 
 One too Many for Him, farce, 1 act. 2 3 
 
 £100,000, comedy, 3 acts 8 4 
 
 Orange Bio soms, comedietta, 1 act. 3 3 
 Orange Girl, drama, in prologue 
 
 and 3 acts .18 4 
 
 Ours, comedy, 3 acts 6 3 
 
 Our Clerks, farce, 1 act 7 5 
 
 Our Domestics, comedy farce, 2 acts 6 6 
 Our Heroes, military play. 5 acts. . .24 5 
 Out at Sea, drama m prologue and 
 
 4 acts 16 5 
 
 Overland Eoute, comedy, 3 acts 11 5 
 
 Peace at Any Price, farce, 1 act 1 1 
 
 Peep o' Day, drama, 4 acts. 12 4 
 
 Peggy Green, far>e, 1 act 3 10 
 
 Petticoat Parliament, extravaganza, 
 
 in one act 15 24 
 
 Photographic Fix, farce, 1 act 3 2 
 
 A COMPLETE 
 
 2 2 
 1 1 
 
 No. M. P. 
 
 61. Plot and Passion, drama, 3 acts 7 2 
 
 138. Poll and Partner Joe, burlesque, 1 
 
 act 10 3 
 
 110. Poppleton's Predicaments, farce, 13 6 
 
 50. Porter's Knot, drama, 2 acts 8 2 
 
 59. Post Boy, drama, 2 acts 5 3 
 
 95. Pretty Horse-Breaker, farce, 1 act. . 3 10 
 
 181 and 182. Queen Mary, drama, 4 acts.38 8 
 
 157. Quite at Home, comedietta, 1 act... 5 2 
 196. Queerest Courtship (The), comic op 
 
 eretta, 1 act 1 1 
 
 132. Kace for a Dinner, farce, 1 act 10 
 
 183. Kichelieu, play, 5 acts 16 2 
 
 38. Rightful Heir, drama, 5 acts 10 2 
 
 77. Roll of the Drum, drama, 3 acts. ... 8 4 
 
 Ruy Bias, drama, 4 acts 12 4 
 
 83. 
 
 133. 
 153. 
 
 194. Rum, drama, 3 acts 
 
 195. Rosemi Shell, travesty, 1 act, 4 
 
 scenes 
 
 158. School, comedy, 4 acts 
 
 79. Sheep in Wolf's Clothing, drama, 1 
 37. Silent Protector, farce, 1 act ...... . 
 
 35. Silent Woman, farce, 1 act 
 
 43. Sisterly Service, comedietta, 1 act . . 
 6. Six Months Ago, comedietta, 1 act. 
 
 10. Snapping Turtles, duologue, 1 act. . 
 
 26. Society, comedy, 3 acts : 
 
 78. Special Performances, farce, 1 act. . 
 
 31. Taming a Tiger, farce, 1 act 
 
 150. Tell-Taie Heurt, comedietta, 1 act.. 
 120. Tempest in a Teapot, comedy, 1 act. 
 146. There's no Smoke Without Fire, 
 
 comedietta, 1 act 
 
 Thrice Married, personation piece, 
 
 1 act 
 
 Time and the Hour, drama, 3 acts. . 
 Time and Tide, drama, 3 acts and 
 
 prologue 7 
 
 Timothy to the Rescue, farce, 1 act. 4 
 'Tis Better to Live than to Die, 
 
 farce, 1 act 2 
 
 134. Tompkins the Troubadour, farce, 1 3 
 
 29. Turning the Tables, farce, 1 act 5 
 
 168. Tweedie's Rights, comedy, 2 acts.. 4 
 
 136. Twice Killed, farce, 1 act 6 
 
 56. Two Gay Deceivers, farce, 1 act 3 
 
 123. Two Polts, farce, 1 act 
 
 198. Twin Sisters (The), comic operetta, 
 
 lact 3 
 
 162. Uncle's Will, comedietta, 1 act..... 2 
 106. Up for the Cattle Show, farce, 1 act. 6 
 
 81. Vandyke Brown, farce, 1 act 3 
 
 134. Volunteer Review, farce, 1 act 6 
 
 91. Walpole, comedy, 3 acts 7 
 
 118. Wanted, a Young Lady, farce, 1 act. 3 
 
 44. War to the Knife, comedy, 3 acts. . . 5 
 105. Which ofthe Two? comedietta, lact 3 
 
 98. Who is Who? farce, 1 act 3 
 
 12. Widow Hunt, comedy, 3 acts 4 
 
 5. William Tell with a Vengeance, 
 
 burlesque 8 
 
 Woman in Red, drama, 3 acts and 
 
 prologue 6 
 
 Woman's Vows and Mason's Oaths, 
 
 4 acts 10 
 
 Woodcock's Little Game, farce, 2 4 
 Young Collegian (Cantab.), farce, 1 3 
 
 136. 
 161. 
 
 7 3 
 
 4 4 
 
 1 
 1 
 
 DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE 
 
 of DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS AND DE WITT'S 
 
 ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMAS , containing Plot, Costume, Scenery, 
 i'ime of Representation and every other information, mailed free and post paid. Address, 
 ROBERT M. DE WITT, 33 Rose Street, New York. 
 
.hS*^"^ ^^ CONGRESS 
 
 Send at once a 
 DE 
 
 Great NOVELTY Catalogue, 
 
 Comprising a large number of the most 
 INGENIOUS, USEFUL, ENTERTAINING, WONDERFUL, AND MIRTH-PRODUCING ARTICLES 
 
 Ever found in any one Circular. 
 
 TiiisNOVEr/rir Cjitalogriie will be sent to any address entirely Free 
 
 of Cost and Postage. Address 
 
 CLINTON T. DEWITT, Publisher, 33 Rose St., New York. 
 
 OXLY FIFTY CEl^TS A YEAR. 
 
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 The Home Fireside. 
 
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 laughable Anecdotes, the most reliable Articles on Trade, Art, Literature, the Farm, the 
 Garden, the Kitchen, and the Parlor. It has special attractions to please the Girls, the Boys, 
 and even the Babies. 
 
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 CLINTON T. DE WITT, i 
 
 (Successor to Robert M. De Witt), j 
 
 Publisher of th^ Home Firesitle, 33 Rose St., New York. I 
 
 . i