Class _J^3 3_a^0JL. 
 Book__I^3 Sa._ 
 Copyright N" Mi_^. 
 
 COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 
 
GENEVIEVE. 
 
Some Letters 
 
 OF AN 
 
 American Woman 
 
 CONCERNING 
 
 Love and Other Things 
 
 BY 
 
 SARAH BIDDLE 
 
 DRAWINGS BY ANNETTA GIBSON McCALL 
 
 philadelphia : 
 
 International Printing Company 
 
 1902 
 
■ft 3^0 2 
 
 1<J 
 
 THE LIBRARY OF 
 CONGRESS, 
 
 NOV.'lO 1902 
 
 CLASS (X^y.xc. No 
 
 COPY e. 
 
 Copyright, 1902, 
 
 BY 
 
 SARAH BIDDLE. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 PAGE. 
 
 Letter I : ii 
 
 Letter II 15 
 
 Letter III 21 
 
 Letter IV 26 
 
 Letter V 31 
 
 Letter VI -35 
 
 Letter VII 38 
 
 Letter VIII. 42 
 
 Letter IX 48 
 
 Letter X 54 
 
 Letter XI 58 
 
 Letter XII. . 62 
 
 Letter XIII 66 
 
 Letter XIV ■ 71 
 
 Letter XV 76 
 
 Letter XVI • 81 
 
 Letter XVII • 86 
 
 Letter XVIII. . . • 90 
 
 Letter XIX 96 
 
 Letter XX loi 
 
 Letter XXI 107 
 
 Letter XXII 113 
 
 Letter XXIII 120 
 
 Letter XXIV 126 
 
 Letter XXV 132 
 
 Letter XXVI i37 
 
 Letter XXVII 144 
 
 Letter XXVIII 150 
 
 Letter XXIX 156 
 
 Letter XXX 162 
 
 Letter XXXI 167 
 
 Letter XXXII 172 
 
 Letter XXXIII. 178 
 
 Letter XXXIV 185 
 
 Letter XXXV • 192 
 
ILLUSTRATIONS. 
 
 OPPOSITE 
 
 PAGK y' 
 
 Genevieve 4 
 
 Lily 34 
 
 Mr. Wood 44 
 
 Sir Lionel Bedt\)r(l 52 
 
 Westminster Al)bey, North Porch • . . 71 
 
 The Tower 77 " 
 
 Windsor Castle, from Tliames Sr 
 
 Stoke-Poges Church 85 
 
 The High Street . . . • ■ • 88 • 
 
 The Isis and Barges 88 
 
 View from Magdalen Tower 88 
 
 Exeter College and Sheldonian Theatre 93 - 
 
 Magdalen College and Bridge 93 
 
 Christ Church — West front 93 
 
 Stratford-on-Avon. \'iew from Memorial Gardens ... 97 
 
 Warwick Castle, from the Bridge . . • . 103 
 
 Paris, Les Tuileries et La Rue de Rivoli 122 
 
 Notre Dame, Paris 134 
 
 Versailles — Vue G^n^rale Du Chateau 141 
 
 Abbaye de St. Denis, XII., Si^cle 157 
 
SOME LETTERS 
 
 OF 
 
 An American Woman 
 
 CONCERNING 
 
 Love and Other Things. 
 
 LETTER I. 
 
 Can it be, dear, that you are really off, and 
 that months, even years, are to roll by before 
 we see each other again ? This is the fate of a 
 seafaring man's wife — I knew it when I married 
 you one year ago, and meant to be so brave, 
 and now, when the moment comes, all my 
 vaunted courage gives way, and I am not one 
 bit the brave wife of a courageous commander, 
 but a weak woman, broken-hearted because 
 her husband and lover must leave her to do his 
 duty to his country. It fairly makes one hate 
 one's country. What right has it to sever 
 those who love each other ? Horrible dreads 
 fill me. I wonder if I can live the three years 
 through, or if fate, or whatever it is that ordains 
 our destinies, will ever bring us together again. 
 
 11 
 
12 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMEkICA^f WOMAJSf 
 
 I know this is foolish and the result of over- 
 wrought nerves. 
 
 Dear, you have been everything to me ; you 
 can scarcely know what this year's life with 
 you has done for me. From you I have learned 
 much. My mind, through intercourse with such 
 as yours, has enlarged. I can never be too 
 thankful for the happy hours with you. Can 
 you imagine, beloved, what it means to one like 
 me, brought up quietly, conservatively, always 
 repressing my real self, to come across such 
 a spirit and mind as yours? To feel that I 
 could give myself out wholly, unreservedly, 
 feeling sure nothing I said, nothing I did, was 
 misunderstood by you. I have felt like a flower 
 kept in the shade, and taught to keep its petals 
 closed, suddenly picked by a strong hand and 
 put in the sun, and told to unfold its petals 
 to the full, and drink in the glorious sunshine of 
 Heaven. How delightful the warmth that steals 
 to the very heart, the sense of ease and comfort 
 that reaches to the very finger tips ! Thank 
 Heaven, you say that I have been so much to 
 you. " Everything a woman could be." Those 
 dear words of yours ring in my ears and keep 
 me buoyed up ; also your promise, if danger of 
 war is over, and there is any chance of your 
 being stationed at some port for a length of time, 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 13 
 
 you will send for me. I have read these words 
 and engraven them on my heart, " For without 
 you, my dear, loving wife and companion, 
 everything seen is under a cloud and the days 
 are very long and dreary." 
 
 Your splendid belief that a woman has an in- 
 dividuality, irrespective of her lord and master 
 (how 1 hate that term), to be developed, used, 
 accounted for just as much as his, only with 
 this difference, that she must always wish to be 
 feminine in whatever she does, knowing, realiz- 
 ing, that she, as a woman, has many powers, 
 both mental and physical. Let her develop 
 them to their full, and she can, indeed, be a fine 
 creature, a perfect woman ; and what could be 
 finer than that? Certainly no poor deluded 
 creature man, who imagines blindly that he 
 holds the reins. I am sure you do not, dear, 
 for I have you, have you in my heart, where 
 you must stay forever. Ah, my husband, how 
 I love you. There is nothing in all the world 
 like a perfect union between man and woman. 
 It is such that even death cannot break it. 
 
 Yesterday, as I watched your ship steam 
 slowly out of port, but oh so surely, I felt as 
 if every turn of the wheel tore my heart, but 
 then the sweet certainty of your great love, and 
 faith in me and mine in you, a bond that even 
 
14 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 separation could not break, and the fond hope 
 at last came over me that perhaps you would 
 see me in your dreams. Fate could not keep 
 apart two hearts so closely bound and the strong 
 magnetism that draws us together will be sure 
 to so arrange matters that you will be sending 
 for me to cross the water to meet you. I will 
 write every day and with all the love that is in 
 me. I am and always will be yours. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 15 
 
 LETTER II. 
 
 Just think, dear, two days since your depar- 
 ture. I have really lived through them. How 
 strange ! We live, eat, talk, when our hearts 
 are torn. Such is our mechanism. The works 
 grind on till the appointed time of stopping. 
 Thank God, for me there is yet hope. You 
 are still living and all the minutes, hours, days 
 and months till our next meeting are as noth- 
 ing, a watch passed in the night. It must be 
 endured before the great and glorious dawn; 
 the hour when we are to meet again. Thank 
 you, thank you, for your letter sent me through 
 the pilot. " I know that you are brave and 
 will do all you can to courageously stand the 
 days that must be passed before we can meet 
 again. That you will keep me ever in your 
 thoughts, ever holding as a beacon light before 
 you the hour when I can clasp you to my heart 
 again." 
 
 Thank God, you feel as I do. Knowing this, 
 nothing can daunt me. For your sake I will 
 make as much of myself as I can. The days 
 shall not be spent in idle mourning, for on your 
 return you must find a woman broadened, deep- 
 
l6 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 ened, better able to give all that she would of 
 herself to you, asking and knowing that she 
 will receive the same from you. I love you, 
 miss you ; you know the full meaning of it. 
 There is nothing that you could ask I would 
 not give you fully, wholly, unreservedly, as 
 I want to give. To give myself I must 
 be myself, give rein to my own originality, 
 develop myself and all the powers that are 
 within me. How I despise the woman who 
 says, " I think so because my husband does, I 
 act so because my husband does," and so on 
 ad injinilum. I know you dislike her, too, 
 otherwise you w^ould never have chosen me. I 
 can never be a man's slave. I want to be his 
 companion, his love, everything, knowing that 
 he respects the individual in me and would hold 
 me as nothing if I did not develop this. I in 
 return demanding from him the man, the 
 strength, the support, the encouragement his 
 stronger development ought to give, willingly 
 acknowledg-ing his superiority, knowing with- 
 out him I could not develop to the full measure 
 of my being. 
 
 There, dear, what do you think of my ideas 
 regarding the attitude of man to woman ? Per- 
 haps you will laugh at my heroics, but oh how 
 I wish I could hear the ring of that laugh in my 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 17 
 
 ear. Remember I will not give up and you 
 shall find me all the better for the struggle with 
 my longing for you whilst we are separated by 
 cruel fate. Why cannot science find some 
 means of eliminating space ? I suppose she 
 will some day when you and I are long since 
 passed the boundary from which no traveler 
 returns. How I wish we could go hand and 
 hand together, then I should have no childish 
 dread of the dark. Perhaps on the other side 
 we will laugh at our baby fears, all things hav- 
 ing become clear as day in the grand sunlight. 
 Do you know, cheri, I fear I am not very 
 religious, leaving all things to unfold them- 
 selves in due season. The Puritanical teach- 
 ing of my early days could never find ground 
 to flourish in my poor heretical heart. Every- 
 thing was so repressing. I love to expand. 
 How fortunate that you appeared on the scene 
 and taught me how to give up to the very joy 
 of living, with the free determination to use 
 every power given me. You hold the reins and 
 know when to give a gentle pull on the curb 
 and I answer to your slightest touch, know- 
 ing in your hands the race is safe and we are 
 sure both to reach the goal. Alone I never 
 could. The mere fact you live, breathe and 
 care for me makes me exert every fibre of my 
 
lO SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 being to do my best. As long as you live and 
 want me I must live. Harry, what do you sup- 
 pose happened last evening ? I went to church 
 with cousin Mary, Now you know how I dis- 
 like going with her, she is so full of gloom and 
 the direful consequences in the next world of 
 any misstep in this. She came in and said that 
 all our trials were sent to us so as not to let us 
 think too much of this world, and that when we 
 had set our hearts on any thing that was 
 the thing we must be willing to sacrifice. That 
 I thought too much of you and if I went on in 
 this way something would surely happen to 
 you. As for her she could not imagine caring 
 for any man as I did for you. Poor thing, she 
 has never been married ; history says has never 
 had an offer ; half her life denied her ; but she 
 had a very uncomfortable eiifect on me and 
 creeps seemed to go up and down my back at 
 the awful fear of some terrible calamity befalling 
 you as retribution to me. 
 
 I hastened to don my hat and go. Such a 
 lugubrious sermon, as we had. We were told 
 we must think nothing of the things of this 
 world at all, and were to welcome afflictions as 
 great joys, inasmuch as they were meant to 
 strengthen our characters. But cannot joy help 
 us ? Surely it is not necessary to walk through 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 19 
 
 a vale of woe to reach the promised land. I 
 do so want to be happy, happy, happy ; have 
 you near me and bask in the sunshine of your 
 love. I know I am better for it, and come what 
 will, nothing- can take from me the joy of the few 
 months' intercourse with you. I was very much 
 depressed, and would scarcely speak to cousin 
 Mary at all. I know I was very disagreeable, 
 but I just could not help it. I did not ask her 
 to stay ; I could not, and, fortunately, just then 
 the waitress announced Miss Lily Crosby. My 
 heart leaped with joy, for you know how fond 
 I am of her, and I was quite sure that cousin 
 Mary could not remain talking with such frivo- 
 lous creatures. Sure enough, ten minutes after 
 Lily's arrival she took her departure. Dear 
 Lily was simply perfect ; a balm to my poor 
 distracted heart. She was very sweet and sym- 
 pathetic, and said if she were your wife she 
 would feel exactly as I do, but that it would 
 never do to mourn alone too much. 
 
 "You do not want to lose your beauty, dear, 
 do you, before Harry comes back? If you 
 keep yourself shut up here crying your eyes 
 out, and going to church with cousin Mary, you 
 will be a sight!" 
 
 Her laugh was contagious ; and what do you 
 think, Harry, she has made me promise to do? 
 
20 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 Go with her to-morrow to Atlantic City for a 
 few weeks, and then, you will scarcely guess, 
 cross the ocean for a few months' trip with her, 
 I acting as chaperon. Dear, I had always hoped 
 first to cross with you, but I cannot help being- 
 delighted to go, for I know first and foremost, 
 it will help make the time pass between now 
 and our next most longed-for meeting. Be- 
 sides, what do you suppose Lily's idea is ? We 
 are to study all the pictures we can in London 
 and Paris, and when we return, get a studio and 
 paint whatever and whoever we can next winter. 
 We are to make a business of it, otherwise, she 
 says, it will be no fun ; and it is so entertain- 
 ing to paint any delightful stranger that comes 
 along. She tells me you would think this splen- 
 did. So, dear, I have consented. To-morrow 
 we start for Atlantic City for two weeks, first 
 buying our tickets on the Patricia, sailing two 
 weeks from next Wednesday. But whatever 
 Lily is and wherever I am, you are always the 
 fust, and all my efforts are for you. 
 I am always and ever yours. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 21 
 
 LETTER III. 
 
 Dear Heart : 
 
 Lily and I came down to Adantic City yester- 
 day and here we are at the Brighton for two 
 weeks prior to saiUng. I must tell you of a 
 curious incident. After dinner we walked to 
 the end of the pier to watch the sea with the 
 moon shining brightly on the waves as one 
 after another rolled in, in unending succession, 
 the rhythm of the undulating, unerring move- 
 ment making us both very sleepy and me very 
 sad and lonely thinking, thinking of you and 
 wondering if you were watching the waves and 
 dreaming of me as I of you. I think I must 
 have fallen asleep. Suddenly I seemed to 
 awaken to the fact that you were beside me ; 
 surely you were there, holding me tight, your 
 kiss was upon my brow, and a feeling as if an 
 understanding as never before existed between 
 us. A sense of utter comfort crept over me, 
 you were there. I felt your arms about me, 
 my head was upon your shoulder and your 
 breath upon my brow. Surely one could live 
 thus satisfied forever. Then a desire to speak, 
 to hear your voice, came upon me. For a sec- 
 
22 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 ond I hesitated, a knowledge seemed to come 
 over me that if I spoke you would glide away 
 from me in the moonlight far, far away upon the 
 waves, but foolish, as all human beings are, not 
 content with what they have, I made an effort 
 to speak, I struggled, but my words of undying 
 love would not come. Try as I would I could 
 not speak, but you held me tighter, tighter; our 
 eyes met in one long look of eternal love. At 
 last, and woe to me, my voice came and as I 
 spoke you began to disappear and to float out 
 over the waves. I uttered a cry, full of misery, 
 then I felt a hand on my arm and Lily exclaim- 
 ing, " Genevieve, wake up !" With a start I 
 was upon my feet, but my dream — or was it a 
 dream ? — had faded away and you were nowhere 
 to be seen. I could not tell my experience to 
 Lily, I felt it too deeply and only urged her to 
 return to the house ; I could not watch those 
 waves any more. 
 
 We soon reached the hotel, and going im- 
 mediately to my room and flinging myself on 
 my bed I sobbed myself to sleep in the utter 
 weariness of a lonely woman, crying her heart 
 out for him who was far away on the great 
 deep. What were you doing ? What were you 
 thinking ? Only for one word, one crumb of 
 comfort ; but not a sound upon the dead still- 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 2,'} 
 
 ness of the night, and then all became a blank. 
 I had wafted out upon the waters of sleep. 
 
 As I awoke this morning the bright light 
 came streaming into my windows, bringing 
 quiet and peace to my soul with its beams. I have 
 promised Lily for your sake and hers, for who 
 could be sweeter, lovelier and braver than she, 
 always loyal and faithful and the best of friends, 
 to be as brave as possible, and to start this very 
 day with her to paint. You know we both took 
 a few lessons several winters ago and were told 
 that we had decided talent, but this remains to 
 be seen, and what the public may think of our 
 efforts. 
 
 We have taken two good-sized studios in 
 New York, and intend furnishing them very 
 prettily and attractively, meaning, at least, to 
 be successful in offering good cups of afternoon 
 tea to our friends, and then, if they wish to buy 
 our landscapes and have their portraits painted, 
 so much the better. 
 
 I know you will not mind my doing this, 
 dear. Of course you give me everything I 
 want, and I need nothing so far as money is 
 concerned, but somehow it will be fun to try to 
 do what I can and to have a few pennies in my 
 pocket actually made by myself. This I will 
 give to poor sailors. At any rate all artists 
 
24 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 have a right to what their talent may bring. 
 Can I possibly ever claim to be among their 
 ranks? Just think, you may one day be the 
 husband of a noted woman ! Don't be fright- 
 ened ; I shall never be very terrible, and shall 
 always reach up to my splendid, commanding 
 husband. There, dear, am I flattering you too 
 much? 
 
 Well, beloved, I am off now to try my hand at 
 a beautiful little quiet spot on the beach, hidden 
 a little from the glare of Atlantic City, Brigan- 
 tine Beach in the distance and the waves break- 
 ing upon the bar. Somehow the lights on the 
 waves glitter and sparkle and all seems full of 
 joy, and you, dear, seem nearer, and a feeling 
 of certainty comes over me that we will surely 
 meet again and not far distant. Strange how 
 the sun and dancing waves wa^t away many of 
 the woes that fill our hearts. 
 
 Do not be worried over our trip, mein herz- 
 chen. I know we can take good care of ourselves. 
 Lily speaks such good French and German ; 
 she has been abroad before. She is so full of 
 excitement over our trip and all the adventures 
 she knows we are to have. If it were not for 
 being separated from you, dear, I should be 
 full of delight, too ; but I do not intend to mar 
 her pleasure with a long face but will try to 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 25 
 
 enjoy it all myself, and in this way make time 
 pass until we meet again. 
 
 Write me, love, if you had any feeling that 
 you were with me the night I dreamed we met. 
 Is there anything in mental telepathy ? 
 
 Dearest as ever and always, 
 ' Yours. 
 
26 SOME LETTERS OK AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER IV. 
 
 Dearest : 
 
 Another day has gone, and such a beautiful 
 one, too. The air as clear as ether, the sun 
 brilliant but tempered by a soft, gentle breeze, 
 one must let one's worries go and enjoy the 
 heaven-born day. 
 
 Lily and I had a late breakfast and sauntered 
 out to finish our landscape, which we are both 
 much pleased with, feeling sure we have made 
 a beginning and must rise to the heights of true 
 artists. Do not laugh when you read this, but 
 I know you will approve of our attempts at any 
 rate. 
 
 An old artist wandering around lit upon us 
 and walked up to give us a view point. An 
 old Scotchman, full of himself, who paints fairly 
 well, and has some charming little English and 
 American scenes for sale. The only trouble 
 with him is that he thinks no one knows any- 
 thing but himself, and he uprooted all our 
 cherished hopes, coldly running down all that 
 we considered our best points but still he 
 thought with a little practice we might do 
 better and our trip to Europe where we could 
 
CONCKHNING LOVE AND OTIIKK THINCS. 27 
 
 study real art would be of inestimable value to 
 us. He was something of a damper to our 
 ardent spirits and at last, with evident hints, 
 we managed to get rid of him. But you know 
 how hard it is to get anything into a Scotch- 
 man's head ! 
 
 After painting for an hour or so we decided 
 to go to the pier and watch the wonderful 
 crowds. Such a mixture ! Well dressed women 
 sitting alongside of somebody's cook. Each 
 enjoying the same shows. Is there anywhere 
 over the globe such a place as Atlantic City ? 
 Surely, nowhere. It is a kingdom of itself, a 
 sight no traveler can miss who considers him- 
 self anything of a globe trotter, and wishes to 
 hold that reputation. 
 
 We were enjoying our study of human 
 nature thrown helter-skelter together, when 
 suddenly a voice announced, " Adgie and her 
 lions ; the most wondeful show of this or any 
 age." Surely, we must see this and we follow, 
 rush, wedge in between this fat woman and 
 that lean man, a sticky, molasses-faced child and 
 madame from New York with all her latest 
 frills. We find ourselves seated just below the 
 cage enclosing the three fierce, splendid look- 
 ing lions ; one lion (a Morman with two wives), 
 such magnificent creatures ; willowy, lithe, 
 
28 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 sinewy. Expectant, flushed Adgie appears. 
 The lions prick up their ears, and as the music 
 sounds, become uneasy and excited, walk 
 quickly from side to side, at first slowly then 
 more quickly, for somehow the rush of the 
 crowd and the clash of the music portends 
 some awful catastrophe. What is this ? Adgie 
 in all her glory ; red satin petticoat, black lace 
 flounce, bolero jacket and gold buttons, black 
 and streaming hair with red roses, humming 
 her troubadour song. 
 
 The cage is opened, one scarcely breathes as 
 the animals, all alert, watch for their prey. 
 Bang goes the gate, and she is caged with 
 those splendid creatures all alone. Surely, 
 they will answer to her magnificent nerve ; 
 something in her very atmosphere compels 
 them to obey. 
 
 Giving a dumb look of adoration, round and 
 round they go obeying every flash of her 
 eye, over hurdles, through rings, crouching in 
 corners, springing over her outstretched leg. 
 Never was there to their eyes such a woman. 
 She catches her foot, for one moment is down 
 and they now think to revolt. An angry growl, 
 a roar, the heart of the audience scarcely 
 beats. Could one live and see her torn to 
 pieces before one's eyes ? But, no ; she is up, 
 
Concerning love and other things. 29 
 
 smiling, holding her rod before their eyes with 
 a steady hand. They know their mistress and 
 decide to give in. 
 
 Who knows when that day will come when 
 she will miss her step and spring up too late ? 
 The beasts of the forest know their power. 
 Suddenly, perhaps a scratch, and their passion 
 for blood be up. Heaven help her in that hour. 
 Fortunately for us the show ended peacefully. 
 We left the amphitheatre with beating hearts, 
 rejoicing that we had escaped the horror of see- 
 ing her torn to bits. 
 
 Each day I wonder, wonder where you are, 
 how far off, and if often our thoughts do not 
 meet together, unable to resist the great attrac- 
 tion that lies between us, a force so powerful 
 that distance, no matter how great, cannot 
 overcome it. 
 
 Last evening we met a very attractive young 
 woman with her husband ; so happy, so de- 
 lighted, in the companionship of each other. It 
 fairly made me ill, a jealous rage seemed to fill 
 my soul, and I almost hated them for their joy. 
 Ah, dear, was there ever such love as ours? 
 The same vows, the same words have passed 
 between so many and each one proudly believes 
 in his egotism of love that his is the greatest love 
 of all. Fond and happy delusion, but true for 
 
30 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 each individual. For tliem the whole world is 
 composed of naught but the loved one. 
 
 We are meeting some pleasant people, who 
 serve to pass the time, and among them a very 
 nice young New Yorker, who seems quite inter- 
 ested in our trip, and I feel sure is becoming 
 decidedly epris with Lily. The latter says I 
 must not be too prim but enter into the " fun," 
 as she calls it, and enjoy being a grass widow. 
 Did you ever hear anything like her ? I have 
 promised not to spoil the sport at any rate, and 
 be a most sensible chaperon who sees very 
 little. But, dear heart, never for one moment 
 shall this heart of mine stop beating, beating 
 for you, until the last great throb, and even 
 then it shall be a long unending hush for you — 
 always — always Yours. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 31 
 
 LETTER V. 
 
 Dearest : 
 
 I take up my pen again to write all that is in 
 my heart to you, but that can be told in a few 
 words, " I love you." Oh, how I miss you ; 
 but still, dear, I intend to keep up and try 
 to be as bright as possible. I must remem- 
 ber how many there are who have not 
 what I have. Just having read " Sir Richard 
 Calmady," makes one feel thankful that such 
 awful calamities have not befallen one, but then 
 how few have such a dreadful path to walk. 
 It seems almost an outrage to write such 
 horrors; what good can come of it? What 
 moral can the writer wish to point that could 
 not be gained by a healthier, truer book ? The 
 intense sensuous descriptions of abnormal con- 
 ditions make one almost sick and wonder how 
 anyone, especially a woman, could write such 
 things. The more abnormal the situation the 
 more deeply the author cuts into it with her 
 knife and dissects it for us. A feeling of revolt 
 seizes one ; why should she conjure up such 
 horrors ? A truly racy, healthy book, though 
 against the code of general morals, leaves one 
 
32 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 in a far more normal condition, for at least it 
 does not sin against nature. This monstrous 
 growth of a morbid mind cannot fail to leave a 
 very unwholesome impression upon one, to 
 make one feel the sooner such a book is con- 
 signed to oblivion the better. One thing one can 
 say for it, it holds one's attention to the end, 
 and one cannot help admiring the magnificent 
 superhuman character of the mother and pity- 
 ing intensely the son, feeling he should be 
 forgiven anything, and wondering how he over- 
 came himself so finely. 
 
 Such a sail as Lily, Mr. Wood and I had 
 to-day ; it fairly made one intoxicated with the 
 pleasure of drinking in the ozone of the air. 
 To be alive seemed good ; the only drawback 
 to me was your absence. I wonder, dear, if it 
 is good to tell you all this — after all you ought 
 to be very thankful the heart of a woman in 
 this great world beats for you so truly, so 
 steadily as this of mine. Do you appreciate it? 
 I think, love, you do from all you say and 
 write, but just think how long I must wait for 
 my answer. You have promised to write each 
 day, and at the first opportunity, send the whole 
 book as you call it, to me. I know this, dear, 
 no book could be read with more avidity than 
 yours will be by me. How selfish and egotistical 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 33 
 
 love is ; nothing is of any importance to me 
 except you, and here I am just living and 
 waiting, working and breathing for you. The 
 sea breezes have blown away much of my fear 
 that something would happen to you and I feel 
 a certainty come over me that before the year 
 is out we will meet again. 
 
 Mr. Wood says he intends joining our party 
 and sails with us next Wednesday week in the 
 Patricia. We sail in her for Plymouth. She 
 is a slow boat but we want the voyage and I 
 shall feel that we are on the water together. 
 That will be something, anyway. I am very 
 much excited about the trip, for how could I 
 help it? This is my first, and to see foreign 
 shores seems almost too good. I will write 
 you my impressions, feelings, etc., and you 
 must tell me what you think of them. You 
 have been so often and know so much and how 
 I had hoped first to step on foreign soil with 
 you, but that is not to be, and I must take what 
 is given me. I hope I shall not be ill, but some- 
 how I think I am so interested and delighted to 
 step on board one of those ocean greyhounds 
 that I simply could not be. 
 
 Mr. Wood seems so infatuated with Lily I think 
 I will have to pretend to be blind, sometimes, 
 at any rate. It will be so pleasant to have Mr. 
 
M SOMK LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 Wood, for without a man in Europe, I hear a 
 woman is pretty woU out of j:)lace. You can be 
 sure that I.ily and I want to see everything. I 
 being a chaperon, can be allowed everywhere. 
 Are you frightiMied ? Well, at any rate, I 
 promise to tell }'ou all, so this will make you, 
 or ought to, feel better. Perhaps you are won- 
 dering about our painting. Really, I am so 
 pleased with our attempts, I almost think we 
 have made artists of ourselves already. At 
 any rate, we are as pleased as children over 
 the result of our efforts, and surely we have put 
 on canvas something of the beauty of the morn- 
 ing and sea and beach. Lily's almost wafted a 
 sea breeze, and I could smell the salt air. 
 
 Dear Heart, forgive me for all my nonsense, 
 but remember the saddest moments and the 
 deepest longings of one's heait are often con- 
 cealed in this way. And is it not best? Al- 
 ways — always Love — 
 
 Yours. 
 
.^.^^f^"--.' j^, 
 
 A 
 
 {j>- 
 
 LII-Y. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER TIIINCJS. 35 
 
 LETTER VI. 
 
 Dear Heart: 
 
 Our visit here has come to an end, and to- 
 morrow we start for New York and sail the day 
 after. I really am very much excited to think 
 we shall be off in two days. It will bring me 
 nearer to you. I shall think, dream of you on 
 the waters, feeling- a happiness in the knowledge 
 that you are on the great deep, too. Dear, we 
 shall have to try and forget that you are on the 
 Pacific and not the Atlantic ! 
 
 I hope you will not think me dreadful for 
 enjoying myself so much whilst you are away, 
 but, sweetheart, I cannot hv\p feeling my heart 
 beat quite rapidly at the thought of all the new 
 wonders I am to see, or, I should say, old won- 
 ders, so old some of them that one can scarcely 
 breathe at the thought. Lily says that I am 
 going to be thrilled through and through, and 
 dares to predict that I will almost forget you 
 entirely. This you know, dear, can never, 
 never be ; you are too much mine ; the cord 
 that binds us is too strong to break. 
 
 I have a funny theory to-night, mon mari ; 
 if ever you should tire of the binding 1 should 
 
36 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 wish to set you loose, to loose the cord and let 
 you free to go where'er you wished ; no love 
 that is bound unwillingly is worth the having. 
 But, dear, with you I have no fear that the de- 
 sire will ever come. 
 
 What strange creatures you men are — bind 
 you and you wish to go, let you loose and you 
 wish to be held. How well if more women 
 learned this creed, and by so doing held their 
 husbands lovers to the end. 
 
 How I should hate a cold, practical husband 
 who was no lover at all. Dear, I know this 
 awful, shameful truth. If ever you became such 
 an one your bird would break her chains for- 
 ever, leave the cage, defying you to bring her 
 back. Dreadful this seems, does it not ? But 
 as I love you, I have no fear of this and all my 
 trust in you is great, and into your keeping 
 have I given it, believing the gift will never be 
 returned. Really, I know I could be an awful 
 woman if deceived, reckless, daring ; revenge 
 would take hold of me and woe to the poor man. 
 But then, I do so hate a woman without spirit, 
 don't you? 
 
 To-morrow we shall be on the great deep. 
 How I long to hear the tranquilizing wish-wash 
 of the waves against the great steamer ; and 
 also I feel a great desire to witness a storm at 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 37 
 
 sea. I almost pray for this, but Lily says I am 
 tempting Providence, and that she will back out 
 at the last moment if I keep on with my evil 
 supplications, as she knows if I am answered 
 she will have to remain in the lower regions and 
 this she does not look forward to. How strange 
 this world is ; topsy-turvy, one man's meat 
 another man's poison. 
 
 Mr. Wood has been attending to all the last 
 matters, tickets, chairs, rugs, etc., and he really 
 is a nice young man and a very necessary ad- 
 junct to the party. He shows decided liking 
 for Lily, and there's no telling what may happen 
 before our trip is over. 
 
 We take a look at our new studio to-morrow 
 before leaving New York, and I intend picking 
 up as many pretty things as possible on the 
 other side of the water to give our rooms as 
 foreign a look as possible. Even if our pictures 
 are failures, certainly our rooms must not be. 
 At least, the artistic sense of the fitness of things 
 must be carried out here. 
 
 Always, and always until time ceases to be, 
 and even after that 
 
 Yours. 
 
38 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER VII. 
 
 Dearest : 
 
 We are off upon the briny deep, and there 
 is no going back. Whatever the experiences 
 we are to taste, whatever may be ahead of us 
 we must now face. 
 
 What strange dehght fills one's soul at the 
 thought of the unknown ahead, a mixture of 
 fear and pleasure and keen delight. The look- 
 ing forward, the hope of adventure, all make 
 up the joy of living. This is the joy of youth, 
 eternal hope, dreams of happiness that is to 
 come. The greatest sorrow of old age is the lack 
 of looking forward, the certainty, cold certainty, 
 of things as they are. To this we must all 
 come, but let us hope that during the in be- 
 tween, the time 'twixt youth and age, we may 
 write down in the book of life a story, full 
 interesting to read, to fill our last hours with 
 hope that in the shadowy country beyond this 
 we may continue to write a sequel far fuller, far 
 grander than this first volume, in that we have 
 learned the meaning and secret of life and death 
 and all things. But to this end we must be 
 working, not dreaming, no fate so dire as that 
 
CONCERNING LO\E AND OTHER THINGS. 39 
 
 of the dreamer who wakes up at the last mo- 
 ment and finds his fife gone and nothing 
 accomplished — no volume written. 
 
 Well, dear, now for what I hope to write, and 
 believe me I intend to try and make it interest- 
 ing ; you as my hero how can it help being ? In 
 writing yours do not forget to write me down 
 your heroine. You see I demand what I give — I 
 must, this is the selfishness of me ; I cannot 
 help it. But what love is worth anything that 
 does not demand all and the very highest ? 
 
 The air is delicious to-day, the sun warm and 
 life-giving, and I fairly revel lying out in my 
 chair, drinking in the ozone and allowing the 
 breeze to play as it will with my hair, full of 
 what I am to see and do and how I will write 
 it all to you. I could not enjoy it half so much 
 were it not all to be written for you. 
 
 Confessions are good for the soul, and when 
 one has such a one as you to pour everything 
 out to, well, then life may perfect be. But one 
 must be very sure to choose the right confessor. 
 
 Lily and I have a nice outside stateroom and 
 as we awoke this morning, feeling the motion 
 of the boat, knowing we were ofif, a delicious 
 delight seized us and we laughed with joy, just 
 as children in pleasure at new experiences. 
 The German band started that most dismal of 
 
■40 soMi". ii'vni'.Ks ov AN ami:ki(An woman 
 
 dirges MiiiiDiuuiii^" hriMklast. What it is called I 
 do not know iior care to, it is horrible. Win' the\- 
 wish to engender a deep nostalgia tor lu)me and 
 the loved one, far, lar away, one does not know 
 and it simply seems fiendish. This rudely in- 
 terfered with mv pleasurable feelings on awak- 
 tMiing, and ruuling nnsc^lf oil" for new shores ami 
 experiiMiccs ami thinking it wouUl lu^lp me much 
 to bear the sorrow of biMng separatetl from vou. 
 Lily saiii it made her feel as if some awful thing 
 was going to hapjien and that our last hour had 
 conu\ tlu^ boat go down im" something ec]ualb' 
 tinribliv I asked hcv i>lease to stop. Fortu- 
 nat(>lv slu> and the music Ix^th did and we 
 lunriinl out on diH^k to fuul Mr. \\\hh1 awaiting 
 
 us smilingK', but exclaiming. " 1) that 
 
 nuisii" ! " 
 
 Kxcusc^ that, but, dear, it is the wa\- wc^ felt, 
 tiH> ! OlT to breakfast we wiMit, eviM-vone was 
 there, no one in this charming weather could be 
 possibly ujvsc^ ami stay below. And now, here 
 we arc\ mn'cls in hantl, on deck, well ami com- 
 fortably seated in our chairs and I am trying 
 like a dutiful chaperon not to overhear Lily 
 and Mr. W\hm1. They do have such misumler- 
 standings, but then they seem to enjoy the 
 (UMightful " mak(.> ups" decitliHlly, they give a 
 a long time to them and sometimes the poor 
 
(•()N( I'.KNINi; l.()\l'. ANK oriii.n ■iiiiN(;s. II 
 
 cliapcion L^cis ;i lilllc wcaiN'. Such is lilc, lull 
 of many wcai y inoiiiciils and we nuisl nol I'or- 
 i^cl thai wc have helped to j^ivc some other poor 
 eha|)oron many a tin^some moment. 
 
 The hreexe is hlovvinj^ deheioush', and one 
 cannot helj) feeUnj^- hfe is worth livinj^- and wish 
 to join in the soul,*- of all nature which seems to 
 come horn I lie four corners of the earth and to 
 roll in one lon^- drawn-out chord to the skies, 
 "God's in His heaven, all's well with the earth." 
 
 In this spirit dear I say at( m'oir to you and 
 feel that lime will t^row winj^s to hel|) me over 
 the road between now and our mcetinj.,''. I look 
 lor a lonj^, lonjjf letter in London, a budget. 
 What joy the thou^dit of it. 
 
 Yours always and ever. 
 
42 SOMIC LKTTKKS OK AN AMKKICAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER VIII. 
 Dearest : 
 
 Such beautiful weather as we have had, but I 
 fear it may be " the calm before the storm." 
 How often this is the case both in physical 
 and human nature. Too long a spell of good 
 temper is sure to end in a spell of bad. This I 
 know from experience ! To-day the sky is per- 
 fect, not a cloud to be seen save a few fleecy 
 ones, scudding here and there as if there was 
 no responsibility under the sun, pitying us poor 
 mortals for worrying so over our lives when 
 nothing really matters after all. There, this is 
 the effect it has upon me to-day, perhaps a bad 
 one, but then my mood may change by to-night 
 as the clouds in the sky. 
 
 We are enjoying our trip across the ocean, 
 the lazy days none too long, to lie out in our 
 chairs, each breath we draw adding new life 
 and hope to our hearts. You, dear, seem 
 nearer, yet nearer, and each day one less till 
 our meeting. It is sure to come soon. I know 
 it, I feel it. 
 
 We have made some very pleasant friends on 
 board, among them a Sir Lionel Bedford of 
 
CONCI'.KNINf; I.OVI'-, AM) ()riIi:K I'lllNCS. 43 
 
 England. He proves a very entertaining and 
 pleasant fellow passenger. Lily's and my en- 
 thusiasm over our trip seems to interest and 
 amuse him. He promises to help us enjoy 
 ourselves in London and guide us to some in- 
 teresting spots. He wants us to come to his 
 sister's country home for a day or two. It is 
 probable we will, for nothing would delight us 
 more than to witness some luiglish country life. 
 Perhaps his sister will turn her high bred little 
 — or shall I say big — nose up at the idea of en- 
 tertaining some American plebeians 1 
 
 There are several good singers on board, and 
 in the evening we enjoy charming concerts ; 
 sometimes play that game that seems to hold 
 undying, though insipid interest — sniff. At 
 any rate it helps to pass the time. Every day 
 I think of and long for you. No matter how 
 bright we all are, my heart is ever thinking of 
 you. Sometimes I get a little dreamy, wishing 
 for you and knowing you could add so much 
 to the brightness of the party. They are none 
 of them half as clever as you, and it does 
 annoy me to have them tease me about my fits 
 of distraction. Asking me where my thoughts 
 are, where I have flown, and please to come 
 back and help them through the tedium of 
 everyday life. I have to respond and hold my 
 
44 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 own, and tell them they are too densely stupid 
 to understand what it is to really care for and 
 love another creature better than oneself. Sir 
 Lionel looked very serious when I said this, 
 and a deep sigh escaped him, as he answered : 
 " One could not always judge by appearances." 
 I wonder what his story is ? I must find out. 
 My feminine curiosity is aroused, as well as a 
 deep sympathy for any fellow-suflferer. Perhaps 
 it would do him good to talk to me. He is very 
 kind and indefatigable in doing all he can for 
 us, 
 
 Lily and Mr. Wood are continually convers- 
 ing. She, as you know, is full of wit and 
 humor, and he has to keep his brains sharpened 
 not to let her get ahead of him. I am begin- 
 ning to think there may be something between 
 them. Certainly there are signs, and they both 
 go up and down in their tempers towards each 
 other. When Lily has offended Mr. Wood 
 beyond all hope, he comes to me, and I have to 
 listen by the hour to his woes. But he is a dear 
 fellow, and I must sympathize and tell him how 
 to manage that most delightful but unmanage- 
 able person — Lily. 
 
 Mr. Wood, in one of his deep despairs the 
 other morning, came to me and, during his 
 confession, let fall the remark that he did not 
 
MR. WOOD. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHKK THINGS. 45 
 
 see how any man ever managed to understand 
 or control his wife. 
 
 I answered, being a woman, that no man ever 
 did, and he had better drop that ambition im- 
 mediately, as it was sure to be nipped in the 
 bud. Fortunately, he laughed, and soon ap- 
 peared quite himself again. Lily appeared at 
 that moment from below with cushions, rugs, 
 books, etc., with a most sweet and engaging 
 and helpless smile. The litde wretch, she 
 wanted to be helped. Certainly, she got what 
 she wanted. Mr. Wood was on his feet in a 
 minute, found Lily's chair, picking up this, 
 that and the other thing which, of course, all 
 dropped. 
 
 But, after much time, for it seemed to me 
 unnecessary, Lily was seated and tucked in 
 most comfortably, and I took up my book, but 
 kept one eye open on them, my interest being 
 much awakened. I could only hear a word or 
 two now and then, but certainly matters were 
 going smoothly and quite rapidly. I would 
 catch, now and again, such words : 
 
 " Dearest, you cannot keep me waiting much 
 longer!" Answer: " Perhaps, who knows, if 
 you keep up like this, being so very nice and 
 helpful, I may not be able to do withtmt you." 
 And he : " If that is the case, you shall find me 
 
46 SOMK l.IiTTKKS OF A.N AMl'lvHAN WOMAN' 
 
 indispensable, and I will have my answer, ' yes,' 
 S(HMi whether you will or nn." 
 
 I heartl a little soft launh and was sure Lily 
 was van(|uished. This was the ri^ht tone with 
 her ; the tone oi command and strength would 
 conquer, the weak, love-sick swain could never 
 win. But, dear, how homesick all this made me. 
 I felt like screamint^ with pain, a tig^ht clutch 
 around my heart and a longing to hear sweet 
 foolish wtMcis from you. Sometimes one almost 
 envies those who never loved at all. At least 
 they cannot suffer pain ; but strange creatures 
 that we are, no one worth the name would give 
 up this sweet though agonizing pain of love to 
 be among those who never suRered. 
 
 1 felt the tears spring into my eyes and at 
 this moment who should turn up but Sir Lionel. 
 He dropped into a seat alongside me and said, 
 "Why those tears, lady fair, can I not help you 
 in some way to wipe and dry them?" Then 
 he began to talk ; told me tales of his travels 
 in India, Japan, Europe. Being a most inter- 
 esting raciMiteur, he soon made me forget my- 
 self and remember there were many others in 
 the world with far, far worse sullering than 
 mine — much joy in the world, too. 
 
 Then we talked of what we would do in 
 London and this fills me with great andcipa 
 
CONCKUNIN(; I,OVIC AND OTItl'.K 'IIKNfJS. 17 
 
 tion, never liavinj^'- put foot upon the old world 
 before. 
 
 Dearest, remember, through all and every 
 seeue, though I am bound to enjoy each one, 
 you shall never be absent from my thoughts 
 and shall hold supreme sway there. 
 
 As ever and always 
 
 Yours. 
 
48 SOMK LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER IX. 
 Dear Heart : 
 
 As I anticipated, the storm came last evening 
 alter the chiy of cahn. As we went in to dinner 
 the wind seemed to be rising to a very shriek, 
 tiie waves mountain higli and to be shutting us 
 in from tlie outside world which we were never 
 destined to see again. 
 
 Very few seats were taken at table, most 
 of the passengers having gone below. Lily, 
 Sir Lionel, Mr. Wood and I, after our very try- 
 ing dinner, everything running from one end 
 of the table to another, managed to get on 
 deck and into a corner where we were some- 
 what sheltered. How the wind whistled, and 
 the waves, rising to the sky, seemed to cry out, 
 "Lost! lost! 1 am awaiting you; you cannot 
 escape me!" Lily shivered and caught me by 
 the arm, white to the very lips, as I know I had 
 grown. Pitch and toss up and down, we seemed 
 to go. At times tnie felt as if it were impossi- 
 ble, so far down we went, ever to come up. 
 The time had come for us to learn the mysteries 
 of the deej:), onlv known to those who go down 
 at sea, secrets so deep that we could not grasp 
 
CONCKKNING LOVE AND OTHEK THINGS. 49 
 
 them unless we had passed to the other side 
 through the great waters. And yet through 
 all this fear a great grandeur thrilled one's soul, 
 for what so magnificent as a storm at sea ? Or 
 what so fills one with a sense of the great and 
 wonderful, though cruel forces of nature? How 
 litde we human beings beside it. How pitiful 
 to imagine ourselves superior. 
 
 We were not far from the shores of England 
 but this added to our anxiety. A fog seemed 
 to be gathering. What if in this turbulent sea 
 we should meet another vessel ? Even the men 
 who had kept our courage up through every- 
 thing till now, grew anxious and nervous and 
 a quiet fell upon our party. How long we re- 
 mained thus I cannot say, only I know to me 
 ages seemed to have passed, and yet only a few 
 minutes. For some time our horns had been 
 blowing. Suddenly out of the darkness a black 
 object loomed, a sudden crash ; for a moment 
 the appalling stillness of the grave, then shrieks, 
 hurrying of men, women and children. Voices 
 coming out of the darkness, but I felt as if I 
 could not move, had never moved, had always 
 been there awaiting this moment, the voices of 
 the sea were apparently nearer, nearer, shriek- 
 ing in their delight, " I have you now ; you 
 cannot escape me ; you are mine ; my home is 
 
50 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 in the great deep, and there I will take you far, 
 far away from your love and he shall never find 
 you." 
 
 I think no one who has not been through 
 such an experience can imagine the agony of 
 such moments. 
 
 For awhile I seemed to lose consciousness of 
 where I was. I only knew we were all together, 
 voices were speaking, prayers were being offered 
 to God above to help us. How all, be they 
 atheist or believer, turn to the Almighty at such 
 times. At last I came to myself. Sir Lionel 
 and Mr. Wood had secured life preservers for 
 us but told us to stay where we were ; not to 
 attempt to get into a small boat in such a wild 
 sea. No one could be saved, and if at the last 
 we must risk our lives to a small craft on the 
 boiling waves we would have to trust to Provi- 
 dence. 
 
 Some of the sailors had lost their heads, 
 lowered a boat upon which swarmed men, 
 women and children. Many of the first became 
 insane, in their distraction, for this is their only 
 plea and forgiveness, pushed both women and 
 children aside and jumped into the boat. Away 
 from the steamer it went, the men bent to the 
 oars and with all their might tried to stem the 
 mountains of water as they rose sky high. To 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 51 
 
 add to the horror, but could anything now add 
 to "this, the waters relentlessly engulfed the little 
 boat demanding the life cargo for their own as 
 indemnity for some wrong the great deep had 
 suffered years, years ago. 
 
 Suddenly the fog lifted and one could see 
 the full length of a large vessel just alongside. 
 The captain came near us and said, "Thank 
 God, we are safe and saved, a hole was knocked 
 in the other vessel but not in ours, and if those 
 
 d sailors had obeyed orders and kept their 
 
 heads no lives would have been lost. If the fog 
 lifts sufficiently and the storm abates we can 
 reach Plymouth to-morrow and tow the vessel 
 Sussex in with us." 
 
 So stunned was I at the awful experience we 
 had just gone through I could not gather my- 
 self together for some minutes, and sat like a 
 stone with Lily's cold hand in mine. Sir Lionel's 
 voice rose above the storm in reassuring accents, 
 " Twenty minutes ago I thought we were all to 
 be drowned and together were to go hand in 
 hand to that land beyond. But, thank God, we 
 are not called upon yet to step upon its shores." 
 
 He went below and in a moment brought 
 both Lily and me a glass of whiskey, which he 
 insisted upon our taking, and somehow it 
 geemed to revive our sunken spirits, and we 
 
52 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 awoke to the fact we were alive and were still 
 to live. As by magic the storm ceased, £ind 
 the waves gradually became smaller and smaller, 
 the fog lifted and we were safe. 
 
 We had been on our right course, but the 
 Sussex, a smaller vessel, had lost her bearing, 
 and before she knew it, had run into us. Mr. 
 Wood and Lily remained very near each other, 
 hand in hand, feeling that once having been so 
 near death together, they could never be sepa- 
 rated. And so may it be is my earnest prayer 
 for them. Sir Lionel came to me with a half 
 humorous, half sad laugh, and said : " May I 
 sit near you, having no one to care whether I 
 live or die?" How sorry I feel for him. My 
 thoughts were on you, dear, far away, wonder- 
 ing if surely you had not some intuition of this 
 danger I had gone through. 
 
 How dreadful it seems ; Sir Lionel has no 
 one to care for him. A feeling of deep pity 
 came over me, such as all good women must 
 feel for any lonely creature. I put out my 
 hand and touched his with some words of sym- 
 pathy. It was icy cold. I asked him if there 
 was anything I could do, and he replied ; " No, 
 I have been a fool and must bear my suffering 
 myself." 
 
 How I wish some fine woman, able to care, 
 
SIR LIONEL BEDFORD. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 53 
 
 would come across his path and help him to 
 that ideal happiness, the love of a strong man 
 and woman for each other. Thank God, dear, 
 I am saved to meet you again. How I look 
 for that budget of letters sure to be awaiting 
 me in London. I shall read them as never 
 book was read before. 
 
 Dearest, until we meet again, ever and al- 
 ways 
 
 Yours. 
 
54 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER X. 
 
 Dearest : 
 
 We have landed. Can it be true? Am I 
 really in England? In the old world of which 
 one has heard and read so much? We came 
 in sight of Plymouth at seven this morning. 
 Of course, Lily and I were up at five, dressed 
 and watching on deck the outlines of the old, 
 old countrv of merrio England, as they grew 
 gradually nn)re distinct. Such a lovely early 
 morning, the air with that freshness it never 
 has save at the earliest hours of dawn. A few 
 clouds overcast the sun, which was then peep- 
 ing out from behind them, throwing a silvery 
 light over all, softening the coloring of the 
 scene before us, and, indeed, prtKiucing a most 
 beautiful picture. This I should like to paint, 
 and trust, perhaps, in time to reach that desired 
 point in artistic ability. 
 
 Lily and I took our paints out and tried a 
 most disappointing daub. But then nothing 
 would at this moment have come near the 
 delight of the i:)icture in our eye. Not even 
 the most famous of artists could have repro- 
 duced what we saw. How charming the green 
 fields, small squares as they seemed to me. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTIIKK THINGS. Af) 
 
 reaching- to the water's edge, a castle on one of 
 the distant hills, houses here and there with 
 quaint gables, and the fort to the front. One 
 was much impressed with the smallness and 
 compactness of the country, so different from 
 the width and vastness of all our American 
 scenes. It reminded one of the toys bought in 
 shops, boxes consisting of little painted houses, 
 trees, litde men and women, animals, etc., all to 
 be laid out according to our childish fancy. 
 
 Can it be possible that this little country 
 has been and is so great and grand, from 
 which we ourselves have sprung and to whom 
 we owe so much ? How odd and pretty the 
 red sails look. In fact, everything one's eye 
 lighted upon was quaintly new, yet old and 
 pretty. 
 
 Lily fortunately joined in my verdant de- 
 light for she, too, had never been to England, 
 having only travelled a little, so far, on the con- 
 tinent. At last we came to anchor and were 
 taken off in a small boat and landed on English 
 soil. Sir Lionel stood beside me directing my 
 eyes here and there and explaining many things 
 that were new to me. He was very indulgent 
 to a greenhorn like myself, telling me it was a 
 great pleasure and charm to watch my enthu- 
 siasm, 
 
Cd SOMIC LKTTIiKS OK AN AMKRICAN WOMAN 
 
 Really, dear, I was filled to the full with deep 
 feeling at this enchanting' hist view of the old 
 world so long- desired by me. You can under- 
 stand what I mean for I remember your telling 
 me of your own feeling on your first trip abroad. 
 How I wish we were together. Strange in this 
 world we never have perfect happiness. Some- 
 thing is always wanting, something always 
 withheld. It seems st) horribly mean. You 
 here and I could ask for nothing, but I suppose 
 it is intended that I should not love this world 
 too much. But all this seems to me so unkind. 
 Why discMpline us so when we never asked to 
 come ? I come very near crying sometimes, 
 the pain of my longing for you is so great. Sir 
 Lionel caught me with tears in my eyes — I was 
 foolish enough to give way a little bit and to 
 cry out how much I missed you and how 
 nothing could be quite perfect without you. 
 He was very quiet and gentle and told me not 
 to mind him and just to use him as an outlet 
 but to remember I had what many would give 
 their ver>' lives for — a great and abiding love 
 given and returned. 
 
 "Just think," he said almost under his breath, 
 " there lives a man who holds your heart and 
 for whom your tears are shed. — thrice blessed 
 man." Of course this was said to brighten me up 
 
CONCERNlNf; LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 57 
 
 but I do so wish Sir Lionel could find the woman 
 he wants. Surely there must be one somewhere 
 for he is very good and true, and if it were not 
 for you, dear, and all my heart is given to you 
 for ever and ever, I could imagine being very 
 fond of him. Do not be jealous, beloved, you 
 know I love you with all my heart and that 
 naught until the end of time and beyond that 
 can change this. 
 
 I must grasp opportunity and take in all that 
 I see so as to expand for you, and myself, too, 
 believing each one as an individual should 
 use the powers given them. 
 
 Always with great love, 
 
 Yours. 
 
T).*^ .st)MK iivrri'-KS ov an amicrican wcuian 
 
 LETTER XI. 
 
 Di:ar lli'.ARr: 
 
 We luive reached London. You can imagine 
 the state I am in, fairly quiverinpf with deliq^ht. 
 I must be^in at the bes^inniiii;' and tell you from 
 the start. We huuled in PK inmith, were taken 
 intoa little station where our trunks were weii^hed 
 and tlu^ onl\- attemjU at an examinaticMi came 
 from an otlu-ial who said with a laui;h, " No 
 whiskey or cigars, Madam?" 1 indignantly said 
 " No." " Passed." was the answer. Lily was 
 much amusetland saiil. " Well, you are the only 
 suspicimis Umking eharai-ter, the rest of us gi>t 
 through without any questions. " 1 retorted 
 that 1 did not care so long as 1 got through, 
 besides it slunvi>d 1 was the most interesting 
 lo(.>king mtMuber i>f tlu^ jiarty and of coursiMvas 
 [H^litelv ciut\stioiuHl." 
 
 Such a time as I had m-er n\y money and 
 ehangi\ Sir Lioin'i was a gotisend, helping 
 me out and preventing my being cheated " out 
 of mv boots." 1 heard Lily and Mr. W^xxf 
 wrangling over some of their money transac- 
 tions ami 1 am inelineil to think they came out 
 a little the worse for inexperience, for 1 could 
 
CONCKKNINC l.OVK. AND OllllK TI1IN(;S. 
 
 59 
 
 iu)t ^ct anything out of them as to what hap- 
 pened. Sucli funny Httle coaches we were put 
 into, and such a \og trot journey to London- 
 shaken up and down all the time, hut 1 forgot 
 about this in my joy at just looking ..ut of the 
 window. Past tiny square helds, little toy hke 
 gabled villages and towns, some fascmatmg 
 watering place's, such curious bath-houses on 
 wheels in which onc^ is rolled into the water. 1 
 think I should (luite like it, a great improvement 
 on our indecent way of all bathing in a hetero- 
 geneous mass at Adantic City with such a 
 chance to study the anatomy of legs and arms 
 One fairlv sickens, there, of humanuy and 
 thinks the human animal a very disgustmg 
 creature. Here something is left to the miag- 
 ination, and one can (hvam of possible beauties. 
 On our side the cold truth confronts one. 
 
 I must not digress too much. On, on we went, 
 being jolted fairly to death, but at last after 
 getting out at several stations apparently most 
 unnecessarily, for we were making a bee Ime 
 for London, but somehow no English trip can 
 be made without numerous changes— we 
 arrived at Paddington Station, London. 
 
 I was fairly in a tumultuous state. This, the 
 Mecca I had been striving to reach for so long. 
 I felt as if T must be dr(>aming but was brought 
 
(iO SdMl l.l' ril'.KS (H' AN AMI.'.KICAn U'oMW 
 
 to niv senses \)y a poller asking il he could j^ct 
 nu' luj^qa^c. What a iiiiisaiiee this hiinliuj^" up 
 of oiU''s trunks. Why eaiuiot the\' learn a little 
 from us in the Uniti'd Stales and use the eheek 
 SN'steni ? Mr. \\^)od and Sii Lionel, al\\'a\s 
 ready tt) help, wcni in search ol th(> haj^j^ag'e, 
 ruul at last we had it all safely sto\\'t>d on the 
 top ol oiu" lour whei'lcM, and we were rolling" oil 
 to Morle\'s Hotel. We had decidinl we had 
 bi'st stay at a tjuiet hotel as we were two women 
 alone. Sir Lionel had inxited Mr. Wood to stop 
 with him al his looms, and besides 1 told Lily 
 as eha|)eron 1 did not think it (juite proper for 
 Mr. Wooil to stay with us. Lily seems (|uite 
 upset and not t(^ enjo\' this arrani^'cment at all, 
 but as the two men |)romisi' to be with us 
 every day I think \\i> will lind onrscKt's well 
 taken cari' of. 
 
 Morlev's is such a <|uiet, pleasant holt'l and 
 just the placi' for two lone wDmen. We have 
 two q-ood rooms on the second lloor, overlook- 
 ing 'rrafali;ar vSciuare. vSuch a noise as the in- 
 cessant busses, coaches, hansoms, eti"., make. 
 A never-endinj^" stream ; never in New York 
 iKive I witnessed such a sij^^ht. How In^autiful 
 and interesting the square and tln' fountain in 
 front of us with Nelson's monument. The 
 National anil l\)rtrait (lallerN- on one siile, — St. 
 
(.■()N(1':knin(; i.cjvk and oiiiick ihings. (H 
 
 Martin's to our right and the hurrying Strand to 
 the left. 
 
 It seemed almost too much to take in at once, 
 dear. In a day or two I am looking for my 
 budget of letters. 1 know it will come. At 
 least seeing your handwriting and knowing on 
 paper that you arc thinking of m(* will help me, 
 oh so much. vSomctimes 1 think, trying to en- 
 joy myself and cheat old Father Time brings 
 with it great pain. The contrast between the 
 pleasures of sight-seeing and the joys of others 
 and one's own deep sorrow makes the pain 
 sometimes gather great force, and almost stifles 
 one. 
 
 But, dearest, IJly is calling me and says the 
 two men are awaiting us down stairs for dinner. 
 To-night we intend retiring early preparatory 
 to our first day's excursion into the mysteries of 
 London. A short stroll after dinner and then 
 home to bed. 
 
 Darling as ever, 
 
 Yours. 
 
02 
 
 SOMC: I.I'-.ITIKS Ol'' AN AMl'UICAN WOMAN 
 
 Ll'TTIvU \ll. 
 
 l)i':.\ui:si': 
 
 W(' wcMc Up hrdiiu's this inoi iiiiiu; ; iioihiu^ 
 ctMild \\:\\c kc\)[ ini' in Ix'd. One iniisl \)c 
 about and sihmulj". ICxtMNtliiiiu; so \\v\\ ;uul 
 iutiMt'stinq. IMiat word new, seems so hadiv 
 ap|)lit>d, ii\ (his eonnc'iiion. All new to one's 
 e\ e Itul nld, so old, it ahnosl sulloi'ates one. 
 The dust ol ai^es i>\er\wluMi>, buildings blaek 
 with it. Hiiii^cs lookinv^" as il i"ountI(>ss a^'s ol 
 men and women had passed and icpassed, 
 wi^aiiuLj a\\a\- stones, and main , their lu>arts. 
 What i-riiiu's i«>mn\itted luider the ionise of the 
 iliviue titjht ol kini^s or elori^v. 
 
 Alter bicaklastini; on ICtij^lisli muiVms and 
 oran_m' marmalatie anil a horritl jiiiH'e t>l" i-old 
 beef, d(HMdt>db' sta\in_L; for ;i da\'s sii;htsiHMnL|, 
 l.il\ and 1 staited out h>r tin- national i;allet\-. 
 
 ( )ne eould spiMul hours tluMC, and ni>\ im' 
 W(>ar\ as lai as i>ne's soul was eoneeriUHl anil 
 be fed fote\er, but oni^'sboiK- will Lli't tired and 
 mind. t(>o. loi (hat matter. MiU\s ot pietures 
 after awhile (ire one's feet and float la/.ily biMore 
 om^'s e\es. It was trulv inteiestii\i; to siH' so 
 main originals. \'an Dyeks. Sir Joshua Rev- 
 
<(>N( I';UNIN(; i.dVi'; anh oriii'.K iiiiNt... 
 
 ('.;{ 
 
 iiolds ; (luMi in very morlorn ml, 'I'linicrs. \\vru 
 r('|)r('S('iilMliv('S ol lli.il j^ic.il ll.ili.in Ivapli.icl, 
 m.ikiiiL; one feel one imisl push on some (l.iy (o 
 Italy, lIuMC to level in (Ik- warm ar( of llu- 
 Sonllu'in blood Van l)\(k, uilli his Diilcii 
 picliiics, v(M\' lascinalint;, jtnl looslill and con- 
 \(Milionai, all llic lines hcint; sliidid\' haul and 
 cnidc. Sincls' clinialc allccis one's ellorls in 
 every way. Soiuelinies I think we seareely 
 j^^ive weiidil to this. 
 
 We wandeicd Ironi the piineipai j^'aileiy into 
 tlie |)()rliail i^aileiw and here were I<e|)t deeply 
 interested lor nian\ horns. I'aces ol those ionj^" 
 depailed l)iinj^' vividly lo one's mind eenlmies 
 rolled by. How real they seemed to lie and lo 
 fairly speak from the eanvas. ihe (iainshor- 
 onj^h poiliails a|)pealed vi-vy nnu h to me, hnt 
 everywhere laces ol j^real men and women of 
 many eenlnries impicssed foicihU' npon one's 
 mind how old, very old the eonnliy, and we so 
 tiivialh', sliamefiill>' yomiL;. ()ne<-oiild forj^ive 
 the pride, and shall I say it — sometimes inso- 
 lence of the Mnidish. What nation conld show 
 to the woild snch a lont; nnendin^ line of ^reat 
 men and women? I'Orce, |)o\ver, slicnj^lh in 
 every line of theii laces, to which history hears 
 witness in their acts, 'i'heir very vices stronj.; 
 and the e.xcess of viitn(>s. Who c(»nld help 
 
(M 
 
 S(Uii- n rn-KS oi- an ami uu-an woman 
 
 |t»Miii; puMiil ol sm'h an aMi»>shN" ; ami ono 
 ituiKI lir.hl li> lilt' ImKci ciiil ((> ii|th(>KI its sii- 
 j)UM\>a»\. M\ lidli' .iinlMlion (>> paint stuMUS 
 abst'luIcK aI'Miiil aiul all t<tlu'i ainl>ilii>ns tn lade 
 wllliiii inc. ImiI knowing even a lilllf is wotlh 
 (lt>ini;, I iiUciiii to (-iMitinii(> nw fnoits. 
 
 I low Nou. ilcan"sl, must \\a\c {'\\\o\Ci\ \our 
 visit lo l'a\i^latul soi\u' \ (-ais a'^o, ami 1 c.\\\ only 
 \vaj»o war with lair. \\'li\, iiiicl ailuha oi 
 (It'Stiiiics ihal she is, timiKI she nut in imMr\' 
 ha\t' Imoui;Iu lis \\c\c {i^yri\\c\ ;' Pors sin* iisr 
 a kaUMil(\siH)|u> wlnii sh»' aiiani'/'S ti\att<MS 
 UMtini; (niMN'tliiui;, ti>ps\ liii\\. Iiiin upas it 
 w ill i' Win can slu> not Ih> a laiclnl aiianv^ta" 
 ol thii\i^s and niaUi* us all happy ? It sihmus 
 just a willnl, willul mranncss. anil it is iiwpossi- 
 bli> to i;iM t'\«'n\\ilh hn oi to an^n*' in time's 
 ilrtrnst'. I loni; hu \ on. I lu' pain n»i"ioasrs 
 so 1 just ha\t" to luin nu bark upon il and 
 l(Mrt* uusdt lo Ai'i and sih\ knowini; at KmsI I 
 aiu uiiowiny; in knowlrdi^r, and, ptahaps. in 
 th.it suhllr ihinv; railed sNinpalh\, and th.it I 
 ui.iN ho .ill tlu' IhMUm wluMi l.itr biiuv^sus to- 
 t;iMluM ai^.iin. .Smiu^titui'S it is almost a iclitM" (i> 
 thn>\\ all <>iu''s rau\s and woiiii's upon lh.it dis- 
 aj4it*oabli> liMiuuiiu* iiiMtnn\ latr, and [o kcc\^ 
 \\o\m\\x, lu^pint; that tin* iir\t tinu* slu» throws 
 {\\c iliiw slu' ui.iN tinn up sonirthinv; j;ood. 
 
COfiCt'.i'.ni:,/, t/)Vi'. Aril) o'/ini; iuisdH. 65 
 
 I'lorrj ill'- \)()i\t;t'\\ yuWcry vj<: vj',i]\(\<v<(\ into 
 St. M.'irtin'',, s;iw HcW <'/wyrinf:'s frmvc, whif h 
 j^jivc rue rniif }i food lor r'-fK-r;t:ifjn. W}i;it: a 
 r li;irtriin^f rrf.'itui'- sIk- inust li;ivft lif^-n, ;iiid onr- 
 ioijovf'-, li'-r ,'ill, ;iii'l tlir- l<\w/, too. J low rouM 
 li'- lif-Ijj bciii^ f?isf:iii;itf-'l ? One sfctih so mauy 
 hftautiful fiif:tijrr;H of hfiautiful wonxtn in tfiis 
 fj.'iy, thf! rf'ij_Miiiij^ hollr-s find many mistrrtssf'S of 
 til'- kiiity,, f;illiii!M;ir h'-l'jw '>iir [jr':s'-iit, st;)fi'l- 
 ;irf] of Hi'^r.'ility, fjiJl. s'^rrurhiow jjs fjnf; '^'.y/.i-s on 
 tfutir fafifs tli'-ir rnyst<trious rrui^frif-tism fiolrJs 
 orif* sfK;llh'<ii)ifl ;iii'l 'jh'! ceasf^s t'j f 'itirjf-mti — 
 fjfinj^ fascinated in one's turn — and sinriply 
 wonders how anyone could resist thf-rn. 
 
 We pr'^rnisef] to me(;t Sir [Jrjri'-I aii'l Mr. 
 W'j'j'l ;it .Mrs. K'^herts'^n's t'-;j. r'^'^ri ;it '^rie 
 o'cl'jei<, hut tfiis, d'tJir, must rem;iin f'^r my next 
 lett.er. iJear Heart, 1 ;jm VioV'wv^ for my letter 
 from you each day. I await my mail with 
 fluttf-rinj.^ li'-;irt. 
 
 As evftr and always, 
 
 Yours. 
 
C<{ 
 
 .soMi'; i.KiTicu;; oi'' an ami'.kic;an woman 
 
 I,!'.! Il'k Xlll. 
 
 I (;uiiit»l Icll \()ii, (Icaicsl, willi what joy 1 
 Iniiiid a l)ti(li;(-l ill in\' mail lliis iiioiiiitii^. (\)tll(I 
 it be tmc, was it \oiii haiulw litinj^ I saw? I 
 lairl\' trcinhlcd with (lcrn.;ht ; luit, line ciiodj^h, 
 thcicit was ill im\ hand; m\' \ I'W own letter 
 whiili had (laxcied inaii\', maii\' miles to meet 
 me, and I lelt sure carried all the heaillelt woids 
 I wanted and iieed(>d so- m\' x'ery son! imn^ry 
 loi lliem. I went to m\' room, loekiiii; the 
 (looi and lellini; Lil)' to leax'e me lor an hour. 
 Then I lead \<»m words, full ol lox'e and \'oi!r 
 lon^inq lor me and xoui homesieLiiess. What 
 dieaiN da\s, those imendiiiL; ones at sea, when 
 (>aeh one is alike and one hei^ins to think they 
 an* ne\(M to end ! Hnl what made u\y heart 
 Ileal, lieat with )o\\ wcie the woids Non hoped 
 to l>e sent to (he Mi'dilenanean iu'\l \cai. 
 ("oiiid llieie he .nwlhini^ moie delight till ? 
 'Pheie NiMi will send ioi me to tonu" and we 
 can be happN loL;elhei attain ; and, jtiN', we can 
 bask under the Italian skies toj^ctluM' and 
 study their mand ail. ll can si'aieeb' be true; 
 1 umst not Ioiil; too mneh oi it will be denied 
 lue. How leai till one i^els oi one's Ioi tunes ! I 
 
(■(tN(i';KNiN(; i.ovi'; ani» oiiiik •riiiN(..s. CT 
 
 am so (Iclij^lilcd yoti lliiiik (licic will he no real 
 lioiiblc widi China and yon can almost surely 
 hope to he scnl lo llaliaii walcis where il will 
 he sale lor me. lUil, cheri, 1 wMttild, il yon 
 would let me, l;o anywhere lo he wilh yon, sale 
 lor me or nol ; lor, wlial would lile he wilhonl 
 you? A lonjj;- dreary wasle. I had an hour ol 
 hai)piness, then Lily ealled me and h»ld me I 
 uuisl he K*'""'.U ready lo j^o otil ; so, I earelully 
 put your dear words away to he read over 
 and over aj^aiu and lo he my sta\' lill Ihe ne\l 
 hudj^cl. 
 
 I Ihink I lell oil N'esterday jnsi when we were 
 ahout to j^o to luncheon at Mrs. Roherlson's. 
 There we met oiu- two escorts .'md suchacharm- 
 iiiL; liltle lea room as it was. 'hh<> waitresses 
 so pretty, cleai- complexions, di'essed in violet 
 j.^'owus and while aprons and ca|)s. Such 
 voices, too. Such a conlrasi ht the shrill ones 
 ol the Americans, one almost leels as il they 
 ouj^ht not to he waitinj^' on one, so j^entle and 
 reCmed their whole manners. \Mv. had a. most 
 delicious lunch ; and where could one ^ct such 
 tea and toast as in ICnj^land ? Someh(»\v, oms 
 at home; never tastes (|uile Ihe same, the toast 
 never jj;-ets cut (|uite so daintily and hiUlered so 
 well. I complimented Sir Lionel on all Ihe de- 
 li{:fhts his country had to ollei" one an<l he most 
 
08 S(.)MI': LICTTKKS OK AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 p^allantly said nothing- could be too much to 
 oiler mv. He has a great way of paying the 
 most charming compliments, but of course I 
 understand them as the well-bred sayings of a 
 cultured Englishman and he knows I am 
 married and very much in love with my hus- 
 band, though how much out of date this is. 
 .Such things as one hears of luiglish society life. 
 Mow tlreadful to be mismatched! 1 think 1 
 could scarcely stand it and feel quite sure I 
 would be running off with someone else's hus- 
 band imagining he was more congenial. So, I 
 must have some leniency towards these poorly- 
 mated creatures. I think no destiny so dire as 
 that. 
 
 After luncheon our escorts took us for a drive 
 through the park. How interesting to see 
 Rotten Row, Kensington Gardens and the 
 many places one has often lu>ard of but in my 
 case nc>ver seen. How 1 like to hear the 
 English si)eaking voice on every hand. How 
 soothing and quieting I The English seem to 
 have no nerves ; and in fact, get on one's 
 nerves sometimes ; they take everything so 
 quietly and are often so very slow. It irritates 
 one. One's American mind cannot understand 
 fairly creeping along in every sense of the 
 word. 
 
con(-i:knin(; i ovk and otiii:k things. 69 
 
 We had promised to dine at the Carlton so 
 Lily and I had to return in time to don our 
 eveninj^'- gowns and I was quite delighted to 
 get into a very good looking, becoming, low 
 neck white silk, made in New York, and really 
 one cannot get prettier gowns anywhere. Lily 
 also had a charming pink one and I told her I 
 was sure she would hold Mr. Wood bound in 
 chains forever. She laughed and said that was 
 what she intended to do and so it seemed, for 
 he never left her side, and Sir Lionel was left to 
 me whether he would or no. He does talk so 
 well and interested me very much in his Indian 
 stories ; he was out there for some years. But 
 occasionally he gets so distrait and abstracted, 
 I wonder what is the matter. I tjuestion him 
 somedmes and then he shakes himself together 
 and begs me not to ask, that there are some 
 things we must bear alone and one was a darned 
 fool to get into trouble with one's eyes open, so 
 I must let him alone. At times I get a little 
 bit worried, but of course this is foolish. We 
 had a most delightful dinner. Did you ever 
 hear of peche Melba? It is delicious. We 
 had everything the mind of man can conceive, 
 saw some very charming looking men and 
 women, but the [uistocraey for the most part 
 are out of town. 
 
70 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 After dinner we went to the Gaiety Theatre 
 and heard the comic opera, " The Toreador." 
 Everything deHghtful and I returned to the 
 hotel tired, and ready to fall into a deep sleep 
 and dream of you, dear, who are forever in my 
 thoughts. 
 
 Yours as ever. 
 
W I'M .\II\M IK AltlllA, NOKlll IMIU'll. 
 
CONCKKNINO LOVK ANli OI lll-.K tlllHi.:^. 71 
 
 ui'niAi XIV. 
 
 Dearicst : 
 
 We came back to the liotel (juite late last 
 nig-lil and hein^ so very slee|)y 1 ((xjk no \]\im 
 (lro|)|)in^ o(T to sleep and dreaming of you. 
 You were witii me enjoying- everything- as 1 
 did, such perfect happiness as it was and the 
 rude awakening this morning hard to bear. I 
 heard Lily's voice calling me and telling me if 
 I expected to get through all we had planned it 
 was time 1 was up and about. .So I forced my- 
 self to let my dreams go and get ready to start 
 for the Abbey. 
 
 One's feeling on enlering it can scarcely be 
 described. There is a sense of awe at being 
 surrounded on every side by the monuments of 
 the great departed. The feeling of ages is so 
 great one gets almost overpowered and iIh; 
 breath comes sh(jrt. The outside world is gone, 
 to-day is departed, and one has traveled back 
 centuries, the past is real, the present all a dream. 
 Surely some ol the statues will aiise and give 
 us sr>me little history (jf llieir liv<s 1 heniselves, 
 
I'J, SOMI". LKTTKKS OK AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 something" our j^uidc doi's not know, and per- 
 haps introduce us to those about them. 
 
 What a nation, iMigland ! How proud she 
 must be of all her heritage — an ancestry of cen- 
 turies of noted men and women. Deeds both 
 good and bad ; but even though many were the 
 latter, still courage and undaunted purpose 
 crowned them all. Who could help a tribute 
 of admiration at the loot of Kli/.abeth's tomb? 
 Such a magnificent spirit as inhabited her body, 
 peerless, cmucI, yes, but was she not surrounded 
 by many who would gladly have brought her 
 to her last days? One cannot help shuddering 
 as one looks from her tomb to that of Mary 
 Queen of Scots and realizes that Elizabeth gave 
 the cruel order that she should be beheaded. 
 Would Mary have liesitated to do the same ? 
 W^e must remember that we cannot judge those 
 past days by the standard of our present ones. 
 
 Thank Heaven I did not live then! Just think, 
 one's head alwavs in danger. But all this con- 
 tributed to a dauntless and intrepid people, 
 and it makes one wonder if in the ages to come 
 the fact that we lead such protected lives may 
 not make our race retrograde in point of cour- 
 age and endurance. Into the poets' corner we 
 went and here one realized what brains and 
 wit were lying there, telling their tale of vast 
 
CUNCKKMM(; L()\l': AM) Ollll.K llllNGS. 73 
 
 mental greatness — a maj^nificent heritag-e. An 
 overpowering sense of America being so very- 
 young comes over one ; the deep quiet of ages 
 liolds one spellbound. It is fascinating, but 
 a stifled sense of wishing to scream, to hear 
 a voice of the present, to get out from all this 
 heavy dust of ages, and when one walks into 
 the air and sun an immense relief that all is not 
 dead, comes over one. 
 
 People are stirring, talking, the air moves and 
 England still breathes. One almost feels that 
 she must have come to her last days she is so 
 very old, and has so much behind her. But she 
 is destined to be still older for her vitality is great 
 yet. It must teach us Americans to push on and 
 strive to make a history ever growing grander 
 as the centuries roll and we attain mature life. 
 .Sir Lionel and Mr. Wood were with us. The 
 former said " how deeply you feel everything; 
 don't do it, it is bad." But I told him 1 did not 
 think this, there was nothing like keeping one's 
 heart young, pliable and able to receive im- 
 pressions, in this way one could keep youth no 
 matter how old the body might grow. 
 
 "Well," he said, "at any rate it is most in- 
 teresting to go about with you and things seem 
 to take a new meaning." Dear, I told you be- 
 fore I was a little worried once in awhile. He 
 
74 SOME LEtTfiRS OF AN AMEklCAN WOMAK 
 
 is a gentleman, brave and good, and as such 
 he will always treat me, but the fear that he 
 might take an unfortunate liking for me comes 
 over me at times. He would suiter in silence, I 
 know, but I should really hate this. He is truly 
 fine and I want him to find some splendid 
 woman for himself. He told me not long ago 
 he thought a person might hold a hopeless pas- 
 sion in his heart, never telling it and never harm- 
 ing the person loved, but doing all one could to 
 make that loved one happy. That he thought 
 in this way one often could glean as much hap- 
 piness as was allowed to mankind. This is 
 very fine and unselfish, but, dear, once knowing 
 the perfect love of giving and receiving, one 
 feels that one would give all to experience this. 
 Then I feel that I have no right to complain. 
 This I know, and it can never be taken from me. 
 Your letters I read over and over, learning 
 them by heart and holding them sacred there. 
 
 I asked Lily what she thought about Sir 
 Lionel. She replied, " Don't worry, sometimes 
 I have thought he takes a deep interest in you 
 but believe me it will never harm you and let 
 him be happy." Perhaps she is right and noth- 
 ing could be more kind and courteous than he. 
 
 Lily and Mr. Wood are progressing finely 
 and I often let her talk to me at night, and I 
 
CONCERNING I.OVE AND OTHER THINGS. 75 
 
 like to watch the sweet hght that illumines her 
 face and do not wonder that any man loves her. 
 She is looking very beautiful, and is so bright 
 and sweet. How she loves to travel ! I think 
 Mr. Wood will have a hard time keeping her at 
 home. As yet there is no formal engagement 
 as Lily wishes to return to her family first. 
 
 We go to the Cecil to dine to-night and then 
 to the theatre. The end of the week we leave 
 London and take a trip to Windsor, Oxford, 
 Stratford, and from there go for a day or two to 
 Sir Lionel's sister's country home, Lady Francis 
 Grenville. 
 
 Dearest, always and ever, 
 
 Yours. 
 
76 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER XV. 
 
 Dearest : 
 
 To-morrow we start off on our little trip 
 through the country. I think everything nec- 
 essary to be seen for our purpose in London we 
 have accomplished in a week. Traveling in 
 true American fashion we are able to see every - 
 no matter how short the time. How magnifi- 
 cent St. Paul's! We climbed to the whispering 
 gallery, and by the time I got there I was fairly 
 breathless. Those eternal winding stairs never 
 would come to an end. I think I annoyed the 
 guide very much for not realizing our voices 
 could be heard from one side to the other. I 
 turned to Lily and said several things to her in 
 a low tone, but to my horror they were heard 
 by those on the opposite side, and interfered 
 with their hearing the guide's little speech- 
 Poor me, I felt quite squelched when I was re- 
 quested to keep quiet. Perhaps it were well for 
 me if this were oftener the case. 
 
 What a beautiful and grand view one has of 
 London from the outside gallery. How glad I 
 was that I had " done " it. Those stairs had 
 been climbed and I could say I had seen London 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 7? 
 
 from the top of St. Paul's. Human nature 
 being as it is, this is a great pleasure. 
 
 How I enjoyed our visit to the tower. See- 
 ing where Elizabeth had walked, been kept 
 prisoner, and many other noted people. What 
 horrible dungeons those, one where a man could 
 not lie down, eternally standing until the spirit 
 grew too weak and left the standing body; 
 another where a man could only lie down. How 
 devilish the mind of man in those long gone- 
 by days. A very revelry in diabolical tortures. 
 Perhaps those who invented them were to fall 
 victims to their own inventions. One would 
 think this would hold their hands and minds. 
 But the cruel desire of inflicting pain on others 
 was too great. What awful memories the court- 
 yard and spot roped off where the executions 
 took place. The very spot where Lady Jane 
 Gray went bravely to her death. A sickening 
 horror seized me and I almost turned back ; 
 but no, one must see the room where the 
 litde princes died by the cruel order of their 
 uncle. How strange to find it a pleasant 
 little room with skylight (recently put there), 
 a young girl's bedroom, the daughter of the 
 warden. 
 
 I exclaimed and said, " I should think bad 
 dreams would fill the brain of one who slept 
 
78 SOMl". I.I ni-.KS OI' AN AMKKICAN WOMAN 
 
 here." Tlu' wanlcii .'inswcrcd, " No, Madam, 
 \v(* arc a lainil}- lu'r(.\ and wIumc the voices of 
 childnMi rini^', llicrc no gliosis can live." A g'ood 
 rejoinder 1 ihouj^lU (o \uy loolish fears, but all 
 the same I know I would not have liked being 
 in that young girl's place. We looked down 
 the stairs, at the bottom of which the lit- 
 tle priiuH'S wer(> sujiposed (o haxc been buried. 
 Poor litde beings, one does not like to let one's 
 mind dwell on these awful things. Hcnv grate- 
 ful to be living now. 
 
 We visited the Hritish Museum, Zoological 
 Gardens, IhMtford House Collection, Wallace 
 Collection, Mme. Tussaud's Wax Works, Car- 
 hle's home in Chels(>a, and onc^ i)hux^ not among 
 the least, " Cheshire Cheese Inn." We per- 
 suaded vSir Lionel and Mr. Wood to take us 
 which \\\cy valiantly did. 1 had the honor of 
 sitting in Samuel Johnson's chair and ilrink- 
 ing a glass of xery old rare sherry, the true old 
 gold. 1 gave my seat to Lily so that she, too, 
 could \)c inspircnl by that seat and feel filled 
 with lire and witty sayings. I was certain I 
 was saying all sorts of line things afterwards, 
 but Lily says she is sure that glass of old sherry 
 lu'lpcnl gi\'e its (juota to my clever speeches. 
 At this 1 was (juite indignant, and told her how 
 1 had noticed how unnecessarily quick at 
 
CONCI'.UNINC; I>UVK AND OillKR TIIlN(;s. 79 
 
 repartee she was. Dear Lily, she always is — 
 and needs no inspiration save her own. 
 
 I think all the theatres saw us hut many 
 of the best aetors and aetresses were away. 
 One thint,'- struck me forcibly. Thouji^h sweet- 
 voiced and often mood actresses the Iilnirlish 
 women were so angular. Still when beautiful, 
 with their aristocratic bearinjjf, very jx-rfect. 
 
 1 love England, but, dear, 1 would not give 
 up my own fair country where all is fresh and 
 green and new. We hope for all things, and 
 our veins are full of pulsing life-giving blood. 
 We are ready for tlu^ fray and our history has 
 only just begun — the (irst i)ages only written, 
 and the joy of the unwritten still before us. 
 
 Darling, how delighted 1 was with a second 
 budget of letters. They ar(! my greatest hap|)i- 
 ness. I see you write som(!thing every day, and 
 to think I am ever in your thoughts Alls me with 
 untold delight. Sir Lionel and Lily say that after 
 1 have received a budget from you I am well 
 worth seeing, my face becoming (|uite beautiful 
 with joy. Lily says if 1 wish to keep young 1 
 must get you to write letters to me every day 
 forever. Foolish girl, she is so bright and 
 happy. There is nothing that is not a delight 
 to her; she dives into everything and I do not 
 let my duties as a chaperon weigh too heavily 
 
80 SOMK LKTTKKS OF AN AMKKICAN WDMAN 
 
 and often find an excuse to return from some 
 excursion a little earlier than she and Mr. Wood. 
 Hours after they turn up with beaming faces, 
 but somehow I find they never remember much 
 of what they have seen. I would not interrupt 
 "Love's young dream " for the world. How I 
 wish we could keej) youth with us forever. I do 
 so hate old age. 
 
 One thing that has struck me forcibly with 
 the English is their way of always putting a 
 question mark at the end of their sentences. 
 They are much afraid of ridicule and seem to 
 fear the (luick-witted American is always ready 
 to laugh at them. 
 
 At the British Museum one of the guards 
 showed us what was apparently a miniature 
 juggernaut car. He told us it came from Mex- 
 ico, and I remarked, "Of course it is only a 
 small representative of one." " Why, the man 
 who sold it told me it was a real one, he could 
 not have lied to me, could he? It was all 1 
 could do to keep from laughing. Such their 
 sense of humor ! 
 
 Dearest, as ever, 
 
 Yours. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 81 
 
 LETTER XVI. 
 
 Dear Heart : 
 
 This morning we left that great throbbing 
 world with its never ceasing roar, travelled by 
 land to Kensington, where we took a boat on 
 the Thames to Windsor. Oh the peace, and 
 quiet, and joy that settled on one's nerves 
 strained to a pitch by the never ending whirl of 
 the great metropolis 1 One seemed to be getting 
 near to nature, the splash of the water, reviving 
 to the senses, brought that refreshment to the 
 soul needed by one who is heart sick. At 
 times silent, voiceless nature. The trees, woods, 
 streams, flowers, seem to understand and give 
 that sympathy that no human being can. One 
 returns from a few short days spent in the open, 
 able to take up with renewed energy what lies 
 before one. A sense of ability to do and dare, 
 and to succeed with whatever one's undertak- 
 ings may be, a wish to enter into the strife. 
 
 But, beloved, to return from my poor vaga- 
 ries, which I know you will smile at, as you 
 read, but forgive, because you know and under- 
 stand, we boarded our own boat, of course, 
 the four of us. I full of a childish glee and 
 
82 
 
 ■SOIMI'-, I.I'-.ri'l'.KS Ol'" AN AMI''.UUAN WOMAN 
 
 (Iclii^lil ;il ri;uhinj4 (lie liclds :ni(l livcr and sun 
 and ail'. So pi'acclulU' (|ui('l and >('l lull of 
 inliMisi' rc^sttul pleasure, iUc m'ntle iiioxcnKMit as 
 we j^lided alont;' llu> Thanu'S. 1 think lluMt' is 
 nowluMc such vcsl as upon iMi^lish country 
 soil. Removed Iroin the bustle of London, 
 one si'cMUs to ha\'e i-oin(> upon such c-onven- 
 tional (|uiel and peace. 
 
 Literally all the hustle of life seemed impro])er. 
 Surely those dear little prim Ln^lish maids 
 would think it \r\\ unseemly toilo anything- in 
 a hurr\'. To attempt auNthim; out of home or 
 chuich (|uite hi'Nond tlu> pale ol respectability. 
 One loves them but after oiu> has had one's full 
 of (luiet, one wearii's of them and di>sires to 
 ti\- one's powcMS in tlu' midst ol the bustle 
 of life. 
 
 (^annot these sweiM n'ouul;" things be taui^ht 
 to li\(> and fi'cl ? Is it not somc^tinu\s one of the 
 causes of so n\an\' unhappN' matchers? Man, 
 tlu> L;rt>at moi;ul (mein her/i'hen, t>.\cuse this, 
 yt)u, of course, ari» dilTtM'cnt), in his scMlish de- 
 sire to own e\-ei\thini^, and in his fear that if 
 lu> allows womankind to use lu'r powiMS she 
 would escapi> him, has so held her bound that 
 at last the vcvy thini;' he wants is j^iMie. She is 
 piim, sedati\ no Un^lint;, but tlu> most c~on\'en- 
 tional lelt in her, all ical passion j^one. it is 
 
(•(>N('l';KNlN(i I.OVI'. AND OTIIKK THINGS. 88 
 
 imcoiivcntioii.il, unLidyliko. And that creature 
 man, aj^aiii scHish, weary as a s|)<)iled tryan- 
 nical nilcr with what he has hiniscU ordered in 
 his hliiuhiess, throws aside the insipid creatnre. 
 He comphuns, my wife is so stiii)id, unsym- 
 pathetic. And so she is, antl one; cannot l)lanie 
 his desire for somethinp^ real and broad. Hut is 
 it not his own fault ? (iive woman freedom to 
 expand her feminine |)o\vers, and in doinj^ this 
 the lord and master of creation will Imd he has 
 a vi'ry fascinating^- creature. ihit let her re- 
 member always her powers are feminine, and 
 must ever remain so and are truly lu^r }.,dory. 
 
 Dear Heart, i have dijj^ressed far from our 
 day on iheThames. We passed, as in a dream, 
 charming- villas, bungalows, house-boals and 
 all the life to be seen on a summer day u|)on 
 the Thames, (ioin^ throuj^di the funny little 
 locks amused me, watchinjj^ some amateur 
 boat races (luite excitinj^-. We sto|)i)ed now 
 and aj^ain at landinj^s. At one a paity ol 
 charming'- women boarded our little boat — truly 
 iCnj^lish, and dressed as country bjij^lish maid- 
 ens freciuently are — atrociously. One with 
 (|uite a j^ood h^ure and clear English voice, 
 brij^ht color, and hair attracted me j^-reatly. 
 She was full of vim, decidedly she did not 
 belong to the prim order. She seemed to 
 
84 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 pulsate with warm life, to answer to every 
 sensation. One could see she could attract, 
 and hold spellbound, the other sex (this the 
 sensible aim of every true woman). Two 
 young men of athletic build rushed to the 
 shores, calling their adieux to her and begging 
 for a speedy return. The others of the party 
 seemed to be left in the background. They 
 appeared to be very sweet, but sadly lacking 
 in any enthusiasm. 
 
 On, on up the river we went and stopped 
 at Windsor. There we alighted and dined 
 at the White Hart. How charming these 
 English Inns and how often one gets such 
 appetizing things to eat. But then I think 
 anything would taste good to us now. 
 
 I like sometimes to get off by myself, but 
 somehow Sir Lionel always turns up. Dear, I 
 cannot be rude and really he always behaves 
 so well. He wonders how I will enjoy my 
 visit to his sister. He tells me there are many 
 things in English society life that ought to 
 shock me. But I tell him he quite excites my 
 curiosity. 
 
 We went through Windsor Castle, and were 
 filled with awe actually beholding the rooms, 
 beds, chairs, etc., in which royalty lived. But 
 then I suppose, poor creatures, they are fash- 
 
s u>K I I'm. IS iiirui.li. 
 
CONCERNING LOVK AND OTHER THINGS. 86 
 
 ioned just like ourselves. We go to Stoke- 
 Pogis this afternoon, and then to Oxford, but 
 of this to-morrow. 
 
 Cheri, last night you came to me in my 
 dreams. Thank heaven for these short mo- 
 ments I 
 
 Always dearest. 
 
 Yours. 
 
86 SOME LETTERS OK AN AMKKICAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER XVII. 
 
 Dear Hkakt : 
 
 How delightful our visit to Stoke- Pogis. I 
 stood bcvside the monumeut erected to Gray, 
 and could almost feel the elegy as I recited it 
 to myself. His iuspiratioii seemed to fill me, 
 and 1 understood how here, and nowhere else, 
 could it have been written. The peace of an 
 English twilight was descending upon the land- 
 scape, those grand and beautiful elms throwing 
 dark shadows, and a feeling of sadness filled 
 me. 
 
 That church, so full of memories; that yew- 
 tree seemed to have Ihhmi known by me for ages. 
 Was it not a friend known long, long ago? 
 Gray's tomb to belong to one ! wSir Lionel came 
 to me and said: "Can 1 be allowed to enter 
 your thoughts? I should like to know how all 
 this imjiresses you. Somehow few people seem 
 to feel as you do. Write them and give so 
 many the pleasure of your vivid imi)ressions." 
 
 This aniused me, for I fear few would care to 
 read. I)(\ir, perhaps I will try some day, but 
 you nuist help me. There, that is the great 
 pleasure of having some good, strong man 
 
CONCERNING LOVR AND OTHKR THINGS. 87 
 
 behind one. To help one use one's powers to 
 the best. You, beloved, are my inspiration. If 
 I had not known you I could never have ex- 
 panded. You, the masculine complement to 
 my feminine nature, have brought forth all the 
 feeling in me; without you it must have died 
 and so it is with all women. They must come 
 to the fullness of their being, meet and love 
 some one of the other sex. 
 
 This has been true from the beginning, and 
 w; be to the end. No platform woman ever 
 will be a success, she simply stunts her being 
 and becomes an abnormal creature, horrible to 
 behold. 
 
 Dear, I have been trying my sketches. Some 
 I am finite pleased with, and I shall tack up all 
 in my studio next winter and keep them for you 
 When we get home Lily is to try my portrait 
 and I hers. These are to be our first serious 
 attempts in that line. If a failure, we will not 
 hold each other very seriously responsible 
 
 After an I'our or so of delightful wandering 
 hrough th(. churchyard, and under the neigh- 
 boring elms (and how full to overflowing were 
 one's thoughts), we took the train to Leaming- 
 ton and from there to Oxford. We drove to 
 the Mitre Inn, where, fortunately, we were in 
 time for the evening meal ; but, dear, how I do 
 
88 
 
 SOMI'. I.lvniKS ()!>• AN' AMKKICAN WOMAN 
 
 hale c"i)l(l joints (»l all Uiiuls. \Vii\' is it the 
 iMij^lish simply rc'\(>l in tiu-in ? 1 consicliT it 
 very eoaise taste. When oiu' is luiii^rN' aiul 
 cold alter a I01114 joinney, how ti^ins^' a t'olci 
 supper. 
 
 AlttM" our tneal \vi' wiM'e taken to our rooms; 
 but so Irii^htt'iieil as 1 was ! Lily hail her room 
 on t)ne floor and I mine awa\' round a narrow 
 little hall on the next. 1 enteri>d with tri'pida- 
 titm. A hii^h bedsti'ad, room for auN'one to 
 ereep under, a \alanee surroniuU'd it, an old 
 mahoi^anx' bnri'au, washstand, etc., and a candle 
 to lii>"ht nusell to bed with. PruK rural and 
 old, t>ld fashioni>d. \\'\\\ is it lui^land, the 
 suppostnl centre ol the ci\ili/ed world, has 
 such old-time acci)mmodations? (ias or elec- 
 tricitN' out of the (|uestion. 
 
 Still tluMc is a charm in the nuaint old times 
 one feels, thi>U}.^h a little crec^p\' in an old winj^". 
 I ilid so loui^ for nou. 1 kiuwv 1 could have 
 facH'd ghosts ov an\' lnurors with )'ou there. 
 Vou are so t^Dod and stroma nothing" (wil wi)uld 
 have tlared face you. Hut here was 1 facinijthe 
 midnight ti'rrors ol a (.ountrx- Inn \)y myselt. 1 
 hardly liked to blow out the lii.iht but 1 could 
 not keep a candle burnini;' all nii^ht, so with a 
 thumpiui; luwrt 1 took courai^'c, and, whill, out 
 the lij^ht wiMit ; but (Kmi me how 1 staitt'd at 
 
I III UK ,1! S I Kl' I' I 
 
 m 
 
 'If' '--- 
 
 •\'\]\: ISIS AND IIAK(;i':S. 
 
 te^si^ 
 
 
 t^^ 
 
 
 VII'W I'kdAI ;\IA(,|)AI.|.,N KiWI^U. 
 
CONCKFtNINO IX)VK ANU OTHIiK THINGS. 89 
 
 every sound. The furniture creaked so and 
 queer noises came from outside. Heavy treads 
 near my door, and after I had lain trembling- for 
 some time, a knock. To open it seemed almost 
 impossible, but at last after a few repeated 
 knocks I summed up courage and unbolted the 
 door. Who should be there but Lily. .She ex- 
 claimed, '' I cannot sleep in that horrid old four 
 poster with my room facing the courtyard, and 
 a low window ; then a disagreeable looking 
 foreigner has the room next me. Please let me 
 in, if you don't mind, you can make room for 
 me alongside of you." 
 
 Needless to say I was delighted to have her. 
 At first I pretended to think her very foolish 
 and silly but at last I confessed to having been 
 cold with fright and only too glad to welcome 
 her. And so with one another to buoy our sink- 
 ing spirits we managed to fall asleep and opened 
 our eyes the next day upon a flood of sunshine. 
 All our fears gone, and ready to take a peep 
 into the sanctuaries of learning. 
 
 Ah, dear, more and more do I want you and 
 long for you. May the time fly on wings till I 
 feel your arms about me again. Always, 
 Yours. 
 
90 SOME LKITKKS OV AN A.MIKU AN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER X\ 111. 
 Dkarks'P : 
 
 l"'arh' this tnomiiii;- wo startiul on our tour 
 throuj^li this city of loarniuL;-, nuisty with th(^ 
 socrots of :\j^(N. A i^uido was sinnirod, iniinao- 
 ulatol\- (hc'ssod and with a lino oast of ft'atnrc>s, 
 but I am quite sure with st'aroo a ponuN lo bloss 
 himself. The intoleranoo of tlu> narrow-niindod 
 untraveliHl h'n^lishman showcnl thri)u^h all ho 
 said. 1 h' aotod assoout [\ bolit'xo (ho\' oall it\ 
 during" tho i\illot;e season and now here, aeeord- 
 inq" to him, ooulcl {\\cvc bo snoh a set of yoimg" 
 ^entlomiM\, in his i-stiinalion far ouldoini; tlu^pri>- 
 fessors, who wiMc^only thereasa background for 
 tlu> stndiMits. TluMi> seemed to be a i^eneral sys- 
 tem of hontn- ptM\ailini>" tlu^ N'ouni;' miMi, but, 
 " Don'l catch \uc, don't ha\i' mo," seemed to 
 be, acccM(lint4" to our j^uido, a dccitlodly j)cM\ad- 
 ing nnUto. 
 
 Certainb- their li\i>s are full of intcMost and 
 boyish glee and fun. What struek me forcibly 
 was the old, old-time appearance i>f the colleges, 
 many having the U>ok of cliMsters, and tone's 
 mind was carrieil back i-enturic\s antl innumer- 
 ble past scenes floated bet\)re one. Ghosts of 
 
CONClCUNINC I.OVI''. AND Ollll.U 'nilNt^S. 1)1 
 
 the (lead |)ast eoiild inhabit these walls and 
 crowd out the youiijj;' men of the day who have 
 no rij^ht there. Thonj^^h the seenes of the past 
 and history are very allurinj^'-, still at times it 
 seems to throttle one and to-day wrinkles, l)on(»s 
 and skeletons arc cast aside. 1 feel (juite sure 
 if 1 had to live my younj^' life amid these old 
 walls, 1 should take on the c"om|)lexion of the 
 place and become an old, old hermit, book 
 worm, who would oeeasionally crawl out from 
 his ni("lu> in the wall, but, frightened by the 
 sun, and lij^ht, and action, (|uiekly crawl back 
 aj^^ain. 
 
 To my mind these maj^'nihcent old buildinj^^s 
 seemed scarcely the plac:e for youth. One 
 could enjoy to the full a short stay there and 
 ruminate with delight upon the past lives of 
 j^reat mi'u; statesman, poet, historian, warrior, 
 all ^lide in turn before one, Ikit always the 
 past; and youth with its natural pulsatinj^- life 
 running' throuj^h every vein must turn from the 
 aj^es that were, to the time that is and is to 
 come, wishinj^' to push forward in the strife, 
 and letting the dead past bury its dead. 
 
 Our American collej^cs and universities flood 
 with life — youth, activity everywhere, all is be- 
 fore and one feels this to the core. These young" 
 men, lull of new fresh blood like racers snorting 
 
92 SOME LETTKKS OK AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 for the fig'ht, lonq; to make the history of the 
 land, and this with a full determination that it 
 shall be a grand one. Love, you see that I am 
 a good American, tht)ugh the subtle influence 
 and inspiration of the great past, that nowhere 
 one can learn to the full better than in England, 
 pervades me to day, and I am old, very old, 
 and live in the lives of the centuries gone. 
 
 With a start, I find Lily bringing me to. I 
 am again in the twentieth century and answer- 
 ing some very profane question. Really it is 
 very annoying when one is enjoying oneself 
 immensely with imaginings in the past — peo- 
 pling the corridors with one's heroes to be so 
 rudely awakened to the present. I answered 
 quite crossly and was, to say the least, a little 
 disagreeable. Lily is always so sweet, though, 
 and says, "You foolish dreamer, I suppose I 
 must forgive you everything." But then re- 
 member, she has Mr. Wood and is so happy. 
 How I envy her — I want you so, want you so. 
 If you were beside me, near me, to enter into 
 all my feelings with me ; and you, dear, to let 
 me see with your eyes just a little, and so to 
 broaden my horizon and make me all the better 
 woman for it. There are moments when my 
 heart gets so sick of waiting for you that I 
 scarcely breathe, and the oppression of the 
 
p:xkt1';k coi.i.kck and siii:i.i)()nian tiikatke. 
 
 ( IIKISr I'lllKCII, WICST FRONT. 
 
 .MAC. DAI. KN COl.l-EliK AND liRIDCIK 
 
('<)N(i':i<NiN(; i.()V'i'; and oriii'.ic riiiNcis. 
 
 \r.\ 
 
 lonqini^ l;c1s so j^kmI lh:il I wonder it" my last 
 hicatli has come. Will the days Uclvvocn now 
 and our nc\l m('('(inj.^('V('r pass? Tlicy ^o so 
 slowly, oh, so slowly. 
 
 Well, dcaicsl, we went (hion^h Christ 
 Chmch, Tiinily, Maj^'^dalcn, Jcsns, lialliol and 
 othcis, and l)\' (he (imc the da)' was over I was 
 la illy ill — so lircd was I and almost Icll like 
 never seeing anoHier (hint;. Sir Lionel was 
 splendid ; he lold tis so man)' delij^hliul sloiies 
 ol his eollej^e days, showed iis liis apartments 
 and made our day indeed vivid, so real he 
 mad(" everything-. I thanked him warmly, and he 
 so kindl)' said my ihanks were enonj^h to make 
 the day a brij^ht one lor him. lie has been 
 bej^j^-in^ me to write a journal (o be published. 
 He says he knows it would be vivid and j^ood ; 
 bu(, dear, my words and imi)i('ssions are lor 
 you, eontent to remain in sour heart, all Ihe 
 audience they desire. 
 
 Dear, Sir Lionel does seem to Lake interest 
 in what I sa)' and do, and sometimes I think it 
 would be belter loi himself, lor my heait is ever 
 youis, it he saw less ol me and moic ol some 
 other woman. hOr alter all, mon mari, every 
 heart wishes to love and be loved and there is 
 nuich in |)r()|)in(|uity when one's nature is un- 
 satislied. Sir Lionel needs some j^ood and beau- 
 
0-1 vSOMI'. I.I'TTF.US OK AN AM 1".1{ KAN WOMAN 
 
 tiful woman lo take care of him and so 1 tell 
 him. Me never says or does a thinj^ he should 
 not, l)ut somehow I cannot help thinking he 
 ouj^ht to see some one else but me. 1 tell Lily 
 my fears, and she always says, " Don't worry, 
 he is a man and a jji^cntleman and if he enjoys 
 bein^*" your friend, why, j^ive him that hap- 
 piness." 
 
 He fretjuently tells me he would far rather 
 have the friendshij) of his ideal woman, if he 
 were denied her love than the love of an unidejd 
 womrni. Well, dear, there seems nodiini;' for 
 me to do but be a friend and try some dav to 
 throw an ideal woman in his path. 
 
 Mein liebchen, 1 am lired lo-nij^ht but (Hd 
 enjoy my day with the learned eolleg-es and the 
 past, as 1 walked around Addison's walk and 
 tried to imagine what his thouj^hts were. 
 
 How beautiful some of the green swards, and 
 surely where but in Enj^dand can j^reen j^'^rass 
 be so emerald g^reen save, perhaps, on old Ire- 
 land's shore. What a beautiful view, that from 
 the bridg-e of Maj^dalen College and river, and 
 how often one s<H'S this in an etching. I must 
 have it on my return and keep it in that home 
 we are to have, you and 1, in the dear, dear 
 future. We are on to-morrow to Stratford, but 
 anon of this. 
 
CONCERNING LOVK AND OTHER TIIINfJS. 95 
 
 My eyes are closing and I must to bed, hoping 
 for my dreams of you. 
 
 Dream, dear, of me, and let us meet in the 
 dreamland where I can tell you that I am and 
 always will be 
 
 Yours. 
 
96 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER XIX. 
 
 Dear Heart : 
 
 Here we are at Stratford, at the Red Horse 
 Inn. We arrived last night and to-day have 
 wandered over the paths that Shakespeare trod. 
 To the church we went and read the inscription 
 over his bones, and I felt quite sure the male- 
 diction would not rest upon us as we certainly 
 had no intention of removing them. His bust 
 stood in a niche in the wall near by, and one fell 
 to studying the features of such a wonderful 
 man, a brain so full one wonders how an ordi- 
 nary head could contain all those magnificent 
 dreams replete with wit and deep sayings and 
 truths of human nature. It almost makes one 
 think the great art of writing is dead, for who 
 could dream of approaching this man ? 
 
 We wandered out into the graveyard, and 
 somehow in the bright, warm sunshine the 
 graves seemed very friendly and not such dread- 
 ful resting places. English country is very 
 soothing. On we walked to the theatre, but 
 this is a crude, modern, unattractive building, 
 many interesting books and pictures about, but 
 with no memories of its own. From here to 
 
CONCKKNINC; I.()VI<: AND OTIIl'.H TIlINfiS. 97 
 
 Shakesj^earc's house, and, ah, lierc you can 
 iiiKi^iue what interest centres. Did his imaj^in- 
 inj^s j^rovv in sucli protracted spfice ? 
 
 One vvouhl think his thouj^^hts would iiave 
 ahnost burst the hounds of tiielow ceihnjji's. In 
 iiis boyish roaniin^s nuich nuist have l)een 
 learned of the laws of nature and he the one 
 to learn from her and hold her great secrets. 
 To grow so great in such a narrow home and 
 surroundings seems scarcely possible, but some- 
 times I am inclined to think narrow ))hysical 
 limits make the soul grow, and after, travel 
 was simply a nc^eded touch to make the mind 
 of this man perfect and in accord with all the 
 world. Its real growth and depth had reached 
 maturity in this narrow home. What had he 
 to learn — all had been matle clear to him in the 
 lields and under the skies which in the daytime 
 had their bright lessons and in the night their 
 great and dee|) mysterious ones. Its human 
 surroundings, many narrow and sordid, made 
 his great nature l)y contrast yearn for nobler 
 things and so his desires grew. Perhaps in 
 t(jo luxurious surroundings they would have 
 been stilled with too easy living. 
 
 From Shakespeare's home, where I could 
 have lingered long, we wandered to Anne 
 Hathaway's cottage, a charming little spot, so 
 
98 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 sweet and homelike, and here many of the vil- 
 lage beaux would gladly linger to while away 
 a few hours in the company of the witching 
 Anne. I fear though Anne did not keep up the 
 reputation later and did not prove the best 
 of wives to her great husband. Perhaps she 
 should have some sympathy. Being a simple 
 ordinary-minded woman, she may have found 
 the strain too great keeping up with such a 
 husband. 
 
 Perhaps married to a man with a mind suited 
 to her level, she might have been happy. 
 Such cases make one feel it is only fair to set 
 them free — each to find his proper mate. Is 
 this too heretical, dear? Perhaps the mate 
 could not be found and they would only sink 
 in deeper water. 
 
 One thing that interested me very much was 
 seeing Marie Corelli's home. Not that I think 
 very much of her writings ; for, to me, they are 
 full of overwrought imagination ; but still, she is 
 a powerful woman and writes strongly — I hear 
 she dresses most extraordinarily and this I do 
 dislike so. Why cannot a woman write and be 
 normal, too ? Be herself a woman and she will 
 retain that sweet naturalness and charm of 
 femininity, but let her strive after some abnor- 
 mal effect and she is lost. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 99 
 
 So, John Harvard, the founder of our univer- 
 sity, was born and hved here. How much we 
 owe to EngHsh ancestors ! and frequently I 
 think we are far from grateful. To end our 
 pleasant rambles we took a row upon the 
 Avon. Such delight as this was after our 
 hard working though seductively interesting 
 day. The peace of the English scene fell upon 
 us, the boat glided under the skilful direction 
 of Mr. Wood and Sir Lionel through the waters, 
 and such a sense of rest came upon me. I 
 sank back into my seat and gave my whole 
 being up to the joy of just living ; and drink- 
 ing in the soft air. Then dreams of you came 
 and I was so happy, or as near so as one could 
 be without the actual presence. I think I fell 
 asleep, for bumpity-bump, and I was rudely 
 awakened. We had come to the landing and 
 it was time to return to our Inn if we expected 
 any supper. My inner man, or rather woman, 
 in my case, told me this was very necessary 
 and the rest of the party fully agreed with me ; 
 so, we fairly flew home, finding a smoking 
 supper most enticing to the nostrils and palate. 
 
 To-morrow we drive to Warwick Castle and 
 Kenilworth and the day after we are expected 
 by Lady Francis Grenville to stop over night 
 with her. We cannot give more time as we 
 
 L.cfC. 
 
100 SOMK LKTTICKS OK AN AMKKICAN WOMAN 
 
 must on to I'aris, Lily havint,^ promised to re- 
 turn within two months. Then we must get 
 our studio ready for the winter. Dear, I must 
 tell you, Lily has painted some lovely scenes 
 and 1 Hatter myself so have 1. They will always 
 be such a never-ending- source of delii,^htful re- 
 membrance of our tri[). But as you know we 
 fly very high and desire to paint portraits. I 
 now and again sketch the party, different mem- 
 bers individually, and next winter have them 
 all promised as patrons. This will be a good 
 beginning at any rate. 
 
 Such a charming drive in the moonlight as 
 we had after supj)er. The Lnglish twilight 
 lasting till nine and throwing such a beautiful 
 haze over evcMvthing ; then the moon rose and 
 all was siKcMv grey. 
 
 The mystery and delight of England filled 
 me. Hut, tU'ar, 1 am very, very sleepy and 
 must io bed. 
 
 The (lavs are s|>eeding to our next mec^ting. 
 Yours forever and ever. 
 
CONCEKNlN(; LOVE AND OTIIICU THINGS. 101 
 
 LETTER XX. 
 Dearest: 
 
 To-day we hired a carriap;"e and started out 
 early on our excursion to Warwick Castle and 
 Kenilworth. 
 
 To me there is a great charm in the English 
 scenes, the grass so green, the trees so old and 
 large and hedges kept as if it were a sin to let 
 them grow. Do the prim little English maids 
 come out with their brooms and dusters in the 
 early morning and sweep oil the dirt and dust 
 accumulated during the night on fields and 
 roads of my lady's ancestral acre ? 
 
 One feels she must come out each day and 
 adjust her lorgnette to the better see that no 
 speck lies upon her beautiful green swards. 
 Not to have these perfect would be the unpar- 
 donable sin, amd my poor little maid would 
 suffer forever afterward, certainly in my lady's 
 lower regions. 
 
 This sense of driving in a continuous well- 
 laid park is pleasing for awhile. The easy 
 motion of the carriage over the hard roads, 
 made years and years ago, tends to make 
 one very sleepy and before one knows it 
 one is taking a quiet little nod. Lily is 
 
102 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 relentless at these moments and pokes me to 
 make me stay awake and says I must not learn 
 so quickly English dowagers' lessons. Some- 
 times, dear, I must confess, when we are on the 
 go from morn to dewy eve with no respite I get 
 cross and say, I will not go another step and 
 do not care if I never see another thing. I 
 could see the party's comical expression as I 
 gave vent to these sentiments one afternoon in 
 London after a weary, weary day of sight- 
 seeing and we were far from home. I meant 
 every word I said and do not think I would 
 have stirred till this day if I could have stayed 
 there, if Mr. Wood had not found an easy 
 vehicle whose driver, at a promise of an exorbi- 
 tant price, undertook to get us back to our hotel. 
 
 When we reached our rooms Lily fell into a 
 chair and simply laughed at my poor, tired, 
 done-up self. " Well," she said, " you are a 
 nice one to take sightseeing, and I think you 
 gave the men a pretty good scare, for what we 
 would have done with you if no vehicle had 
 turned up in that out of the way quarter I do 
 not know. Your expression more than your 
 decided words made me think you would stay 
 forever where you were unless we could get some 
 means of easy locomotion home." 
 
 I retorted that I thought it a very mean 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 103 
 
 thing to wear another's legs out ; to wear their 
 own out they had a legitimate right, but if they 
 attempted the same ill-usage of mine again I 
 would sue them all and get a high sum for the 
 damage done. Lily laughed and said, "All 
 right, I'll pay my share ; but now, you dear old 
 thing, I intend to ring for supper and have it 
 here, you and I together comfortably arrayed 
 in our tea gowns. You put on your pretty 
 fluffy pink one, you do look so sweet in it, and 
 I will don my blue one, in which I know I am 
 quite fetching." 
 
 Lily said she was so sorry that she could not 
 call Mr. Wood into see her. Naughty, but de- 
 lightful girl. Somehow her light vanities and 
 our tea gowns, which are very pretty and be- 
 coming, besides a delicious light and hot sup- 
 per, daintily served on a tray by the daintiest 
 of English maids dissipated — shall I say my ill 
 temper I 
 
 To return to our day at Warwick Castle. 
 
 Such a charm as this grand old castle has for 
 me. We drove through a long winding road, 
 cut between two rocks, each side of which was 
 covered with green ivy. Over the moat we 
 went and under the portcullis which I felt sure 
 would fall upon me. Then we were met by a 
 very nice English guide, who took us through 
 
104 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 a side entrance and up some winding stairs, 
 around the walls of which were hung old armor, 
 fighting implements of ancient days of all 
 kinds. To think how much of English history 
 hung around this place. The earls of Warwick 
 at whose command so many bent — even kings. 
 Their very title holds a peculiar power. 
 
 Through grand great staterooms we were 
 taken, hung with ancient tapestries and por- 
 traits of the former owners of this great ances- 
 tral home. The rooms in which Queen Victoria 
 slept when visiting these honored subjects were 
 shown us, and from the window such a beau- 
 tiful glimpse of the river flowing underneath, 
 and the surrounding country. To me, shall I 
 own it, poor old Queen Victoria, God rest her 
 soul, has little romance. A fine old lady full of 
 sturdy character, but I fear quite obstinate, 
 perhaps a little mulish sometimes. Her por- 
 traits fail to fill one with the mysticism of high- 
 bred aristocratic bearing and we of the plebeian 
 mold demand this, otherwise we cannot render 
 that homage due to Caesar. At least, dear, I 
 cannot, but perhaps, being full to the brim of 
 American independence, I cannot feel as the 
 truly correct English women do. I do so pity 
 them at times, they must feel so to order. I 
 should be kicking at the traces all the time. 
 
CONCERNIXU LOVE ANU OTHER THINGS. 105 
 
 Here I am travelling off again, so back to 
 our party and guide. On he takes us to the 
 red-panelled room and here upon the wall 
 hangs the portrait of the present Lady Warwick, 
 by Carolus Duran. Here one can bow to the 
 subtle influence of the high-bred English beauty. 
 Beautiful, but with the haughty bearing, her 
 heritage from a long line of noble ancestors. 
 One can bow to this, for whatever the individual 
 (for one remembers little quiet stories that Queen 
 Victoria did not always smile upon this mag- 
 nificent creature, though tell me, dear, does not 
 jealousy often lie at the core of an ugly wo- 
 man's censure of a beautiful one ?) this high- 
 bred, fascinating creature on canvas stands for 
 all that is beautiful and great in a long line of 
 noble ancestry. Surely this red-panelled room 
 was made for the portrait not the portrait for 
 the room. The red panels so suited to the red 
 background of the picture. All seems in har- 
 mony, and the sense of just proportions fills 
 one. 
 
 Our guide offers a peacock's feather to the 
 youngest of the party and to my shame I must 
 decline it and offer it to Lily, my love of truth 
 coming to the fore, but if at this crucial moment 
 it had failed me Lily, with her undying sense of 
 rectitude, would have demanded her right. So 
 
106 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 she has the trophy to add to our collection for 
 our studio next winter. 
 
 Lady Warwick had just arrived but our guide 
 kindly allowed us a glimpse into the sacred 
 realms of her private apartments if we promised 
 to be very quiet and tip-toe to the large folding 
 doors as he opened them. One really expected 
 to find them disclose some long ago baronial 
 scene and was almost disappointed to find this 
 large living room so natural and furnished with 
 all the latest English comforts. But what gave 
 to the grand old apartment its right of belonging 
 to the past was the armor seen hanging every- 
 where and in one corner a warrior encased from 
 head to foot in a coat of mail. Surely he was 
 stationed there to protect the lady of the castle 
 from all harm. Such wild barbarians as our- 
 selves might do some hurt. 
 
 We wandered into the flower gardens and 
 enjoyed so the peaceful thoughts that flitted 
 through our minds in my lady's rose bower. 
 Here no thoughts of evil could enter. 
 
 Dearest, I must stop, but not until this letter 
 carries, too, its message and burden of love 
 from me to you. This is ever old and new, 
 being from the beginning and lasting through 
 eternity. 
 
 Yours ever and always. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 107 
 
 LETTER XXI. 
 
 Oh, my dear, I cannot tell you with what de- 
 light I opened another budget from you this 
 morning. Your dear words warm my heart 
 so that I feel the blood pulsating to the very 
 end of my fingers. That is the reason I look 
 so well and my color is so good to the end of 
 the day. Your letters are better than any cos- 
 metic or even the sun and air. I love to read 
 that you miss me and that you are jealous of 
 the very days that hold me till you come. What 
 a charming, delightful way you have of writing. 
 I think no woman ever received such love let- 
 ters as I, and to think this is all addressed to me. 
 Dear, husband, will I ever fall from my pedestal 
 and will you find your idol clay ? For after all, 
 dear, I am naught but dust, and the dread fear 
 fills me that some day you will find me out. At 
 least, I will strive to be what you think me and 
 trust that if I fail your eyes may be holden not 
 to see. 
 
 Dearest, for days your letters buoy me up to 
 such an extent that I could almost walk on air 
 and the party tell me I am never so brilliant. 
 
 I think I did not tell you of our visit to 
 
108 SOME LETTERS OP AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 Kenilworth. The ruins stood there a pathetic 
 reminder of the times that were past and the 
 terrible fate of poor Amy who dwelt there. 
 Sir Lionel wished to climb through the haunted 
 memory-laden passages with me, but I would 
 have none of him. Alone I must be to enjoy 
 in silence the thoughts that crowded upon me. 
 I imagined here was the old dining hall, there 
 the stately bedchamber where the poor fair 
 owners often trembled in their dread. I looked 
 down into dungeons and found myself weeping 
 for those who had long since lain there in 
 chains, but many, many years ago had gone 
 to their last account. Perhaps, who knows, 
 they were floating near and blessed me for my 
 tears. 
 
 I think I will have to stop pretending to be a 
 chaperon at all. Lily disregards all I have to 
 say and yes (shall I have to confess it), I often 
 conveniently lag behind or profess weariness 
 when I think my absence would be more ap- 
 preciated than my presence. Lily says 1 am 
 the most tactful of chaperones, but conse- 
 quently I am left to entertain Sir Lionel, who 
 ends by entertaining me and making himself 
 most agreeable. 
 
 You are not jealous, dear, I know, for I 
 believe you know and trust me, for if you were 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 109 
 
 not what you are — the truest, best, and noblest 
 of men, free from all petty doubt — I could not 
 love you as I do. Bound by too tight a suspi- 
 cious rein I would hate the driver and just run 
 away and give the poor man an upsetting that 
 it would take him sometime to recover from. 
 I must be trusted, then I give as to you my all. 
 A curious part of the complex nature of woman 
 is, that though she love her husband — love him 
 as she may, the admiration of another man can- 
 not help being pleasing. She knows the power 
 this has to hold her husband. Strange mascu- 
 linity! The knowledge that what he owns is held 
 to be of some worth by another, adds tenfold to 
 the charm of possession. Please forgive me,dear, 
 for saying this, but I know your sex and this is 
 true. Sometimes I am inclined to think it 
 would be well if the laws of matrimony were 
 not so binding, you men were not allowed to 
 feel you had your game so safe within your 
 hands for then, dear, you would never tire of 
 your prey. Then the divorce courts would 
 cease to exist for want of use. But, cheri, you 
 shall never tire of me, I shall keep you guess- 
 ing, wondering what is coming next. 
 
 Let all women remember this ; men love 
 spirit, and this they must hold to as their very 
 lives, not only for the sake of pleasing men, but 
 
110 SOMK LKTTKRS OK AN AMKKICAN WOMAN 
 
 for their own sakCvS for that indivicUiaHty, a 
 priceless treasure, without which no man or 
 woman is worth tiie name or havini^ either. 
 
 I aslc you to demand this of me as 1 do of 
 you, for without ycnu" wishing- tliis 1 could not 
 hold you for the noble creature that you are. 
 This makes the true union between man and 
 woman and once existing- there is no danger of 
 its breaking. Without it love and marriag^e 
 fall to a very commonplace, uninteresting level 
 from which all true natures must revolt. 
 
 To-morrow we go to Lady Francis Gren- 
 ville's. 1 am looking forward to t)ur visit 
 with the greatest pleasure. We can only g^ive 
 her the night and day, for we must return to 
 London, where we pick up our luggage and on 
 to Paris, that land of the gay. 
 
 I believe quite a large dinner party has been 
 invited to meet us. We arrive in the middle 
 of the day, are to be taken all over the estate, 
 some friends to five o'clock tea and dinner at 
 eight o'clock. I feel a little nervous about it, 
 but know I have a beautiful white chilton and 
 lace gown, low neck, and decidedl)' becoming. 
 Lily has a beauty of pink embroidered crepe-dc- 
 chine, and one need have no fear of the English 
 verdict as to her splendid beauty. I want them 
 to think well of us as Americans, and for my 
 
CONCRRNrNG LOVE AND OTHKR THINGS. Ill 
 
 country I have the great pride that we should 
 do it credit. Some Irish women are to be of 
 the company and one I hear most beautiful, with 
 that ready wit that belongs to their nationality. 
 Lily and I must not disgrace ourselves. Mr, 
 Wood says it is iiW going to be a dreadful bore, 
 for what does he care for all the women, we are 
 enough for him. Do you notice the " we " ? 
 That he puts in for politeness, but he says he 
 never can repay sullkicntly such a charming 
 chaperon who knows her business so well. 
 
 On our return to London we stay two days, 
 going to Richmond, Hampton Court, Kew 
 Gardens and to Greenwich, where I long to see 
 all the relics kept as mementos to the great and 
 honored Nelson. 
 
 Dear, I forgot to tell you how impressed I 
 was with all the crown jewels. How they 
 glittered and the crowns seemed so heavy 
 that I did not wonder, " Uneasy lies the head 
 that wears a crown." How into insignificance 
 all the little jewels that I treasure so highly 
 and those of many of the women I knew sank. 
 How, with true feminine weakness, I love the 
 glittering stones and when the possessor of 
 them fairly feel a queen myself. I wear your 
 gift, a diamond necklace, to-morrow night and 
 no matter how I enjoy myself I shall have you 
 
112 SOMli LETTERS OK AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 ever neeir me and the necklace will help tt) 
 stem that awful homesickness that besets me 
 among strangers. How I long for you, and 
 no one, no crowd, can keep you from me. 
 Always lovingly. 
 
 Yours. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 113 
 
 LETTER XXII. 
 
 Dear Heart : 
 
 We spent one afternoon and night at Lady 
 Francis Grenville's and I must write you all 
 about it, for indeed it was charming, and we 
 enjoyed the meeting of a few English people 
 so much, and found it interesting comparing 
 their ways with ours. After all they are much 
 the same only for the stifT conventionality that 
 must cling to such an old-time institution as 
 England. One fairly believes the babies are 
 born old and are very wise. I should think 
 the weight of centuries would be almost too 
 much for them. 
 
 After luncheon yesterday we drove to the 
 country home of Lady Francis not far from 
 Warwick. Here we were most graciously re- 
 ceived by her ladyship and a few friends. We 
 were invited to inspect her domains and her 
 home. Of this invitation I took decided advan- 
 tage. Roaming over this old English home 
 was to me very fascinating ; from room to room 
 replete with memories of past times and all so 
 furnished that they spoke of the ancestry of 
 the owners. Beautiful old chairs, tables, beds 
 
114 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 in chambers, one of these a haunted room of 
 course, where we were told the ghost of some 
 murdered baron of the feudal days roamed on 
 the anniversary of his death. Pleasing thought, 
 if one had to occupy the room. 
 
 One of the most delightful things to me was 
 the picture gallery full of portraits of magnifi- 
 cent men and women, dauntless, daring crea- 
 tures, afraid of nothing, and how one loves this 
 spirit. Before one portrait I stood spellbound ; 
 a beautiful dark-haired woman with flashing 
 eyes, superb neck and shoulders, diamonds en- 
 circling her throat, her head thrown up with a 
 proud, disdainful air and yet behind it all one 
 saw sorrow lurking. Surely this creature had 
 not suffered pain; it ought not, could not be. 
 
 As I looked her face seemed to resemble 
 someone I had seen and to be full of fateful 
 reality. I turned to Sir Lionel and said, " Who 
 does she look like?" And as I spoke Lady 
 Francis came up smiling and said, " I am sup- 
 posed to resemble her and own the compliment 
 too great." Then, as I looked from the portrait 
 to the woman standing 'there, I could almost 
 swear they were the same. Did not Lady 
 Francis have that proud toss of the head, and 
 the sad look, was it not there too ? I answered, 
 ''This lady here upon the canvas could well be 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 115 
 
 proud to own a likeness to her descendant." 
 This pleased my lady, and she gently tapped me 
 on the shoulder saying, " The English should be 
 proud to own our American cousins from across 
 the sea if all are such as you, and such pleasant 
 flatterers. After all, do not all these little say- 
 ings ease our weary days?" With this she 
 passed on to the next guest, always gracious, 
 with just the right word to each one; but some- 
 how I felt intuitively she was not happy. I 
 looked inquiringly at Sir Lionel. 
 
 " I know your thoughts," he said ; " she, one 
 of the fairest of women, is the victim of our 
 English traditions, unwritten laws as hard to 
 break as those of the Medes and Persians. She 
 was married by the order of her parents (this 
 permitted by all the lying ways of our world) 
 when she was barely eighteen. The money 
 owned by my people had been squandered and 
 we were fast degenerating into that most pitiful 
 sight, a family once proud and able to hold its 
 head among the august, falling into decay, 
 scarcely able to. keep up appearances. My 
 beautiful sister was the only hope, and my 
 parents taught her it was her duty to her family 
 to save us by her marriage. Sir Francis, cruel, 
 hard, dissipated, but with that ruler of all things, 
 millions, at his back, with a large estate, offers 
 
116 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 all to my sister with promises that he will put 
 our family upon our feet if she would sell her- 
 self to him. Even as a boy I knew my sister 
 worried and I often found her crying, and my 
 mother urging her to do her so-called duty. 
 
 ** Anger filled my heart, for I loved my sister 
 truly and was proud of her as any boy might 
 be, and one day I rushed into her room and 
 told her unless she loved this man she must 
 not marry him, that I would work, and 
 care for her, and she should have the 
 freedom she wished. I remember how she kissed 
 me and told me that this could never be as she 
 had given her word and could not take it back. 
 I was almost mad with grief, and even went so 
 far as to speak to Sir Francis and tell him I 
 would kill him if he took my sister. At this my 
 parents sent me away to school and on my 
 return my sister was Lady Francis Grenville. 
 As you may imagine her husband does not love 
 me. As fate would have it the right man turned 
 up too late. You know this little trick fortune 
 has of playing, and there you -see him standing 
 by my sister. Sir Henry Seymour, such a 
 splendid athletic looking fellow, plenty of 
 money and all the pluck and brains one could 
 wish for. He loves my sister, this I know, for 
 he has told me so and frequently has ground 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 117 
 
 his teeth in rage when alone with me and says, 
 * To think her unhappy with that brute and I 
 can do nothing, powerless. It makes one 
 almost hate everybody and everything.' She 
 loves him I feel sure, but being what she is she 
 will bear it to the end and drink her bitter cup 
 to the dregs. Sometimes I feel like telling them 
 to cut it all, throw conventionalities to the wind, 
 and off to the other side of the world to live in 
 a blissful Eden of their own. Then sense, that 
 common thing, comes to my rescue, and I know 
 my beautiful sister and Sir Harry could never 
 be happy as outcasts from the world and they 
 would feel the stigma on their names. 
 
 " Being brought up to like the surroundings 
 of well bred English life and all the luxury at- 
 tending it, they could not be satisfied if its doors 
 were closed upon them. No> it is better, though 
 bad as it is, and my dear, beautiful sister's name 
 must be kept fair. Once my sister told me 
 there were moments when she could scarcely 
 stand it all and she was ready to venture any- 
 thing to get away from the horrors of her life. 
 But she was always saved by the thought of 
 those around her to whom so much sorrow 
 would be brought." 
 
 The tears were in my eyes and I answered, 
 " She is right." A great admiration filled me 
 
118 SOMK LICTTKRS OK AN AMKKK AN WOMAN 
 
 for this beautiful creature and I loved her then 
 and there. Then, dear, a thankfulness came 
 over me that things were with me as they are. 
 I have you and you me ; our Un'e is our own 
 and though separated for awhile still we both 
 know we possess the love of the other. I feel 
 almost like a foolish child for kicking at the 
 pricks in my path. Thank he^iven that I am 
 not in the place of Lady Francis. I do not 
 know that I could stand it. A feeling that I 
 would hate him so that a desire to almost kill 
 him would come up(Mi me. So you see, dear, 
 what a dreadful creature you have in me. Oh, 
 I love you, and that is enough for me. 
 
 Well, to continue my account of our delight- 
 ful visit. Through the halls and turrets and up 
 to the tower to see the charming quiet English 
 view. The green fields, the cattle in the dis- 
 tance, the streams running through the green 
 pastures all brought a sweet, peaceful rest to 
 one's soul. Then downstairs through the large 
 hall where deer heads galore stood witness to 
 the hunting desires of the lords of the mansion. 
 Afternoon tea with a very pleasing company of 
 England's best society. Then dinner — and this 
 affair was quite brilliant. All the women in low 
 neck, of course, but, 1 must confess, with a 
 scrawny set of bones. Really Lily and I felt 
 
CONCERNING LOVK AND OTHER THIN(;s, 1]'.) 
 
 quite comfortable when we realized we had no 
 such horror as bones. I had very pleasant men 
 on each side of me who did their best to enter- 
 tain me and succeeded though they interlarded 
 their conversation with many Ohs, and Ahs. 
 Still they were a study in human nature, and 
 this is always interesting. 
 
 We said a sorrowful goodbye to Lady Fran- 
 cis this morning and here we are in London 
 and over to Paris to-morrow. 
 
 Dear, you will be glad to hear Lily and I 
 made a very good impression, so Sir Lionel 
 says. Our country need not blush for us. 
 
 Sweetheart, with a heart full and brimming 
 over with love I am always 
 
 Yours. 
 
120 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER XXIII. 
 
 Dearest : 
 
 Here we are in Paris. We crossed from 
 New Haven to Dieppe and such a topsy-turvy 
 time as we did have. I simply could not keep 
 my feet but fortunately was able to remain on 
 deck and by so doing proved myself a very 
 fair sailor. Once I went below but the sights 
 I saw there, — dilapidated looking women from 
 whom all love of self and appearance had gone 
 drove me forth as nothing else would. Noth- 
 ing so demoralizing as mal de mer. 
 
 What a quaint pretty little town Dieppe is. 
 For the first time one feels in a sense abroad. 
 One's mother tongue left' behind, and no mat- 
 ter how good one's French is, when one meets 
 for the first time a native on his own soil one 
 wonders what on earth is rushing forth from 
 out his lips. Fairly a stream of words. In 
 time one begins to catch and understand a 
 litde. Through the pretty French country we 
 flew, past Amiens where I would have liked to 
 stopped, but could not as our time was limited. 
 When at last we reached the Gare St. Lazare, 
 I was fairly tired to death. Bumped, bumped, 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 121 
 
 bumped — we had been for full four hours and 
 this, to say the least, after crossing the channel 
 is not most exhilarating. Sir Lionel and Mr. 
 Wood are with us. Mr. Wood said Lily was 
 not to be permitted to taste the gaieties of 
 Paris without his presence and Sir Lionel said 
 that knowing I would be left to look out much 
 for myself he would come, too. So here we all 
 are in this great and awful city. The hustle, 
 buzz, and roar are tremendous and at first I 
 felt as if my head were spinning. 
 
 There is something very seductive in this city 
 of Paris, the air of gaiety and lack of responsi- 
 bility contagious. Lily and I came to a charm- 
 ing pension kept by Americans and near the 
 Bois, on the Avenue MacMahon, from which 
 we get a fine view of the Arc de Triomphe. The 
 men went to the Hotel Ritz on Place Vendome 
 and there we are to dine to-morrow with them. 
 
 So tired were we with our trip we retired 
 early and slept the sleep of the just. I think I 
 did not wake up once for full nine hours. Lily 
 says I am the most intemperate person as to 
 sleep she ever knew, I never seem to get 
 enough. Well, at any rate it keeps me fresh 
 and young. This morning a charming little 
 tray of breakfast was served in our rooms by a 
 sweet French maiden. After this our escorts 
 
122 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMEKICAN WOMAN 
 
 arrived and we started on a drive, a kind of 
 tour of inspection, to get our idea of locality 
 straightened out. We drove down the Champs- 
 Elysees, through Place de la Concorde, along 
 Rue Rivoli, past the Garden of the Tuileries 
 and from thence down into the heart of the 
 shopping district and into that charmed street 
 of the couturieres and magasins, Rue de la Paix. 
 Here I think Lily and I enjoyed a few hours to 
 our hearts' content and I fear my purse was 
 much the lighter. But, dear, I could not help 
 it, everything one wanted not only for one's 
 self but for one's friend and especially, dear, for 
 you. My trunk is more than half full of things for 
 you. You w^ill have to send for me just out of 
 curiosity to see what is in this mysterious trunk 
 of mine for yourself. 
 
 I am counting off the days and each morning 
 feel one day nearer to my love. Can it be pos- 
 sible that really months roll between us and our 
 last meeting, and other months must come and 
 go before we meet again ? There are times 
 when I feel I cannot, cannot stand it and yet I 
 must. 
 
 In one of your letters received the other day 
 you say you hate to think of not being with me 
 and seeing all my pleasure and hearing all my 
 impressions on this my first visit to Europe, that 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 123 
 
 this should fall to the lot of others is almost 
 unbearable. Beloved, remember this, you shall 
 know all I do and think and no one can 
 ever or shall hold the place in my heart that 
 you do. 
 
 After our shopping we all went to Poissard's 
 to lunch where they served us a most delicious 
 meal much after the fashion of New York. Then 
 a drive to the Bois, and this I found delightful, 
 the drives through unending woods most pleas- 
 ing, then the gaily dressed women most charm- 
 ing. We stopped at the Cafe d'Armenonville 
 and here the seductive music, pretty and gaily 
 dressed women fairly turned one's head with 
 pleasure. One sight that amused me much was 
 a Jap, dressed in native costume with two young 
 Japanese girls, one on each side, dressed a la 
 Parisienne. Turks, Hindoos, Hottentots may 
 be seen in the Bois and on the Champs Elysees 
 and not make the people of Paris turn their 
 heads. A very common thing is to see a 
 man between two women, their arms around 
 each other driving in a fiacre, and all 
 enjoying themselves hugely. Everybody is 
 merry, seriousness is thrown to the winds ; no 
 matter what one is doing, no matter what class 
 of life, all is the same. Pleasure, pleasure, 
 pleasure. Women are quite willing to share one 
 
124 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 man, no jealousy seems to reign. The oddest, 
 queerest set of people I ever knew. 
 
 But still it teaches us this lesson we Ameri- 
 cans can be too serious and that our people 
 get very little pleasure. I think here one might 
 shout, "Vive la gaiete ! " even at the last gasp ! 
 
 We returned to our pension quite tired out 
 and glad to rest for a few hours. Then after 
 dining quietly, drove to the Comedie Frangaise 
 and saw " Le Fils Natural " acted. Beautifully 
 done and the women exquisitively gowned, but 
 it rather bored me. The French theatre to me 
 is too lacking in action. Our American theatre 
 is much more interesting as well as the English. 
 In London one can have one's fill of theatres 
 'and there I did enjoy going very much. The 
 Comedie Frangaise was full and near me sat a 
 beautiful young woman dressed to perfection, 
 but to my surprise she entered alone as did a 
 few other young women, all dressed exquisitely. 
 These I was told belonged to the other half 
 of the world upon whom we would turn our 
 backs. A sense of great pity stirred me for 
 them but I soon realized I was wasting all my 
 sympathy for they looked decidedly happy and 
 utterly oblivious of us and what we thought, 
 evidently thinking we had the worst of it. 
 
 Our escorts suggested a cafe after the play. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 125 
 
 and so to the Cafe de la Paix we went. There 
 we saw all the fashionable foreigners in Paris, 
 many Americans, and some we knew. This 
 amused us till the early hours of the morning, 
 when we rolled home to our pension, glad to 
 drop into bed. Before retiring, though, I re- 
 read some of your letters, as I always do, 
 hoping they will make my dreams all the hap- 
 pier and bring you to me. 
 With a heart full of love, 
 
 Yours forever. 
 
126 • SOME LETTICKS OF AN AMICIUCAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER XXIV. 
 
 Ah, dear, another budj^^^t of your letters 
 made my heart ache with homesick longing for 
 you, but, then, how at the same time they ease 
 that heartache with the knowledge that you 
 love me and miss me and that your heart 
 answers every throb of mine. You say if it 
 were not that you know and trust me, and 
 would with your dying breath believe in me, 
 you would feel jealous of this Sir Lionel. 
 Dearest, this you know, no matter who is 
 friendly to me, and I like my friends — men 
 friends, too — for you alone my heart beats, and 
 what is hidden there none but you can see. 
 Then to you I owe my very self. From the 
 day we first met somehow my being seemed to 
 grow and the woman in me to unfold, that 
 sympathy within me to develop without which 
 no being can be human or touch that highest 
 chord of all, the ability to know and understand 
 another creature's joys and woes. To you I 
 owe this greatest gift of all, for at your touch 
 my soul grew, and now 1 know I am akjn to all 
 the world. There is no joy or sorrow that now 
 I somehow could not understand. Dear, I 
 
CONCERNING I.OVE AND OTHER THINGS. 127 
 
 thank you for this gift from the bottom of my 
 heart — the noblest, truest gift that man could 
 give. How I read and love your letters ; they 
 seem to be a little of yourself and to be a 
 promise of that meeting that I trust is not far 
 distant. Dear, I love you ; this my message, 
 first and last. 
 
 This morning we spent at the Louvre, and, 
 indeed, so enamored was I of the place that I 
 intend to snatch a few hours from many days 
 to spend there. We secured a splendid guide, 
 who seemed to really know and love 'the pic- 
 tures. He took us through the Chambre carree, 
 a museum full of quaint and beautiful things, a 
 collection of centuries. 
 
 My breath was nearly taken away when we 
 came upon " Winged Victory " standing at the 
 top of a staircase, which, as one approaches it, 
 really seems more imposing from its situation 
 than the great "Venus" which is at the end of 
 a long corridor. She is truly beautiful. One 
 stood spellbound before her ; and a curious 
 thing I noticed as I looked. On one side she 
 is grave and sad, and when one looks at her 
 from the other she is smiling. 
 
 This gives a touch of human feeling, soul, to 
 this marble beauty, and if from her high pedes- 
 tal she could step down and speak she would 
 
128 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 answer to our feeling and be a creature like 
 unto ourselves. With tiiis feeling grows a sense 
 that she lived once long ago, and perhaps for 
 some human sinning, that made her lovely as she 
 is, she was destined to remain ages cold, sta- 
 tioned where she is but allowed to give to each 
 one as they gaze upon her, a touch of life, that 
 thrills and warms them to the heart, and per- 
 haps later, at the end of all time, when her sin 
 is expiated to the full, to return to life again. 
 Am I foolish, dear? Yes, I know I am, but I 
 see you smiling as you read and know you 
 love me for this self same foolishness. 
 
 We passed into the vast rooms full of por- 
 traits and paintings and here I watched many 
 a young artist striving to learn all he could 
 from old-time teachers. One young girl 
 attracted me particularly, she was very beauti- 
 ful, with dark hair, and pensive dark brown 
 eyes full of artistic longing, I stood beside 
 her and watched her copying the well known 
 portrait of Titian's mistress. A very fascinat- 
 ing and warm-looking human woman. Who 
 could resist her ? Surely no weak creature, 
 man. I am quite glad she is dead long ago, 
 for I fear I would be even just a little afraid to 
 have you know her, dear. 
 
 One portrait that made a deep impression 
 
CONCEKNINCi LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 129 
 
 upon me was Murillo's famous madonna. One 
 seems to rise from earth to heaven. There in 
 that face no passion dwelt, save that of deep 
 motherhood, sympathizing with all the world. 
 All was purified and every thought was saintly, 
 far above us poor creatures here below. And 
 yet, as I looked, her eyes seemed to be turned 
 full upon me, and to have a sadness in them 
 indicative of suffering for the sins of the whole 
 world. She, a sinless woman, seemed to under- 
 stand the sinner and to have the deepest pity 
 for him. Somehow I seemed to know she 
 knew a sinner stood there right before her 
 needing much her prayers of intercession. 
 Being truly human one cannot stand these 
 states of exaltation long, and one turns to the 
 portraits of the sinful beauties, Mary Magda- 
 lens, suffering deeply for their sins, but feeling 
 sure that to every sufferer they would hold out 
 a hand and if they could would sacrifice them- 
 selves to help another. 
 
 A curious feeling came upon me as I looked 
 on the face of the madonna, and I felt she knew 
 and understood these self-same women, and 
 forgave. 
 
 A charming picture of Raphael hung upon 
 the walls, a portrait by himself. David's picture 
 of the coronation of Napoleon interested me 
 
130 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 much. What a wonderful man ! and how one 
 feels his inspiration all through Paris and 
 France ! Many of Van Dyck's pictures hold 
 one's attention, especially that of the little 
 princes with the dog at their side. Pictures by 
 Velasquez, the great Spanish painter, Rubens, 
 horrible pictures to me and many others, too 
 much for me to attempt to write you now. But, 
 dear, just think how much I shall have to tell 
 you when we meet. I think I shall never stop 
 talking, but I know I shall have a tireless 
 listener. This will be my great delight. 
 
 After our morning at the Louvre, Lily and I 
 went to one of the Duval restaurants, being by 
 ourselves, and feeling sure they were quite 
 respectable, and here I think they always 
 serve delicious little luncheons. They have a 
 very delightful little " creme de marron " that, 
 being fond of sweets, I enjoy. After luncheon 
 we returned home to rest awhile, and then were 
 joined at four o'clock by our escorts and drove 
 out to the Bois, and this time went to the Cafe 
 Cascade, and enjoyed a lazy afternoon there, 
 afterwards dining at the hotel Ritz and going to 
 the theatre,seeing Sarah Bernhardt in Frou-frou. 
 
 To me she is interesting but too intense and 
 tiger like. I like a more human, natural 
 woman, not one so much akin to the feline 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 131 
 
 tribe. We reach home every night tired out 
 and I fall asleep in two minutes, and, dear, you 
 often come to me then and we go together over 
 these scenes. 
 
 Darling, yours as ever 
 
132 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER XXV. 
 
 Dearest : 
 
 To-day we gave to the Luxembourg, Notre- 
 Dame and 1' Hotel de Cluny. How interesting 
 the galleries at the Luxembourg,but not as much 
 so as those at the Louvre. Still one was entranced 
 by many of the beautiful pictures there. Among 
 them was Cabanel's Rising of Venus, specimens 
 of portraits by Carolus Duran, pictures of Bou- 
 guereau and Schreyer, Marie Bashkirtseff's own 
 sketches and Corot's landscapes. One could 
 spend many hours here, and if I can find time 
 with our limited stay intend to do so. How I 
 would enjoy being a student in the Latin 
 Quarter, and having time to study art to the full 
 and meet these Bohemian artists and see life from 
 their standpoint. Nothing matters, all so easy, 
 either riches or poverty. A hundred francs 
 to-day and none to-morrow. As we drove 
 through this quarter the other day the atmos- 
 phere of studious quiet so impressed me ; broad, 
 bright streets with bookstores and magasins of 
 art implements, etc., and all that was necessary 
 to a student's life, be the study what it may. 
 
 My mind had been prepared to see a dingy, 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 133 
 
 squalid neighborhood, but far from it. All the 
 houses looked so neat and clean and the boule- 
 vards so wide. Of course once inside these 
 houses and up the winding- stairs one would 
 find many squalid rooms and dingy attics 
 where many a poor student lives on very 
 meagre fare. Here one would see the pretty 
 models, thinking no ill and indeed knowing 
 none, living their Bohemian lives from day to 
 day ; and many, heart and soul, devoted to 
 some artist for whom they would sacrifice their 
 all, perhaps in the end to be lightly thrown 
 aside broken-hearted. 
 
 One hears so much of the mysteries of their 
 balls in this Latin Quarter, and a desire to fer- 
 ret out their secrets comes over me, but to only 
 the initiated is this allowed, and I imagine from 
 what I hear it would be far better for a sedate 
 matron like myself not to venture across these 
 sacred bounds, certainly without her husband. 
 It might be too surprising ! 
 
 After our walk through the Luxembourg we 
 spent awhile sitting in the gardens watching the 
 students from the Latin Quarter. This was 
 most entertaining and I gave full play to my 
 imagination, weaving many a story around this 
 young girl and that beautiful woman, that 
 strange old man and interesting youth, and so 
 
134 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 on. I think I could have sat there all day. But 
 our time was precious and we had to hurry on 
 to Notre-Dame. What a magnificent Gothic 
 building this. Its impressive lines and propor- 
 tions are grand and filled one with the greatest 
 wonder that there ever lived people who could 
 build such structures. 
 
 Surely this art is lost to-day and may we only 
 hope that some day it returns. How beautiful 
 the stained glass windows, arches. In some 
 respects this cathedral was more artistically per- 
 fect than Westminister Abbey but not so full of 
 historical memories. 
 
 One of the picturesque though grotesque 
 features of this edifice was the gargoyles on the 
 outside. What weird imaginations invented 
 these ? I am told that in times of war gargoyles 
 were often used to pour hot oil upon the enemy 
 through their horrible mouths. Oh, the cruel 
 barbarism of the past ! 
 
 From Notre-Dame we went to see the Morgue. 
 Fortunately the men were with us or I could 
 not have brought myself to look upon these 
 poor, deserted, homeless creatures. At first I 
 kept my eyes closed, but then a weird curiosity 
 got the better of me and I opened them to see 
 some poor distressed and lonely creature lying 
 on the slab. Who knew them ; and what their 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 135 
 
 secret ? Who were they ? Driven to despair 
 their last resting place here. How dreadful ! 
 And shuddering I begged the party to return to 
 the outside life and air. Lily looked very 
 white and was just as glad to leave behind 
 those gruesome sights as I was. 
 
 It was some time before I could get my 
 bright spirits back again, and so the men 
 insisted upon our driving to a good restaurant 
 where we enjoyed a nice lunch and bottle of 
 wine. 
 
 Later in the afternoon we went to I'Ecole des 
 Beaux Arts where I was particularly impressed 
 by the pieces of sculpture we saw. Many the 
 first attempt of the best sculptors of the day 
 and the copies of well-known pictures seen in 
 other European galleries. 
 
 We ended our day by visiting the Palais de 
 Cluny, and this old palace enchanted me. The 
 beautiful collections of old china, most delight- 
 ful. The charming rooms with old furniture of 
 all descriptions where fascinating kings and 
 queens of France have lived and died. How 
 crude we seem on our side the water to have no 
 past. How it makes one long for one. 
 
 At last Lily and I were very weary and could 
 not look at another thing and to refresh our- 
 selves persuaded our escorts to drive us to the 
 
186 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 Bois where we stopped at the Cafe Madrid, and 
 enjoyed the pretty women and their dressing. 
 This latter is so dehghtful to watch in Paris. 
 The women all chic and charming. Fluffy lace 
 gowns of all descriptions. Then home to rest, 
 and after dinner we have persuaded our escorts 
 to take us to see some of the rather gay cafes. 
 We have heard so much of these, such as the 
 Moulin Rouge. I know you would not mind, 
 mon mari, that I should have just a little glimpse 
 of this wide world. 
 
 Dearest, all the love I have I send you and 
 this is an unending store. 
 
 Always yours. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 137 
 
 LETTER XXVI. 
 Dear Heart : 
 
 What an amusing time we did have the other 
 night taking a little racy tour through a few of 
 the gayer cafes. Of course, mein liebchen, we 
 were very careful to keep our steps away from 
 the very dreadful ones ; the path of evil is so 
 broad and so easily gone down, one must be 
 very careful to eschew it. Well, dear, all my 
 sins shall be told you and I hope and trust to 
 receive absolution. What confessor half so 
 good as you, my most dear and tolerant husband. 
 Do you think that sometimes the poor little 
 nuns so far removed from all the world and its 
 deadly sins like to take their troubles to their 
 confessor because he is a man ? I know, dear, 
 that I am a heretic, but after all, these sweet- 
 faced women, some of them quite beautiful, are 
 still human, and might stir up some poor con- 
 fessor more than he would like. Or perhaps, 
 he might not mind so very much ! 
 
 The Moulin Rouge seemed to me just an 
 ordinary garden, a small edition of our summer 
 ones at home, with scenic railways, slides, etc., 
 pretty women, from the shop girls screaming 
 
1;{H SOMIC LKTTEUS OF AN AMKUlCAN WOMAN 
 
 and laug-hing^, and apparently harmlessly enjoy- 
 ing an outing with their beaux. Dancing reigned 
 supreme, and occasionally from out the crowd 
 some fair damsel would come and all alone 
 give us quite an exhibition of her kicking. 
 One thing struck me forcibly — so many girls 
 together, dancing, laughing, and apparently 
 such good friends and as glad to be together 
 as if they had a man to dance with. American 
 girls never look so satisfied together, but I sup- 
 pose I must believe that all these French ones 
 are so very, very bad, yet somehow, these 
 Trilbys look so very innocent and almost make 
 us think that we have made a mistake and are 
 too prim. They seem to say, " We believe in 
 making merry, trying to forget our woes and 
 making those around us do the same, loving 
 everyone who comes near us ; are we then so 
 very bad ? " 
 
 Dear, I believe if I should stay in this awful 
 Paris long my morals would fly to the winds. 
 I feel sure, however, dear, these self-same litde 
 Trilbys, waking up to the fact some day, that 
 no one really loves them, and that they are 
 lightly thrown aside to die in a garret or find a 
 bed in the Seine, will know that nothing in this 
 world can be like the faithful lifelong love of 
 man to woman, standing all tests of years and 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 189 
 
 trials, lasting- through this life and on into the 
 next. Perhaps among these women many gave 
 their love to some cowardly, undeserving man, 
 who threw them off Hghtly as he would his 
 coat. To my mind there is no punishment bad 
 enough for such an one, and my heart goes out 
 in pity for his victim. 
 
 We took a look into the Cafe PEnfer — awful 
 place ; tables fashioned like coffins, waiters 
 dressed like undertakers, and everything used 
 suggestive of the lower regions. It gave me 
 such a turn I could not stay. Then we took a 
 glimpse into " Ciel," and there we felt raised 
 above — angels everywhere and nothing of this 
 world at all. This we found quite a blessing, 
 but I trust we will not find heaven quite so full 
 of tinsel 1 
 
 Before driving home we took a passing look 
 into the Jardin de Paris, but hearing it was 
 very wicked I made my party hurry on. All I 
 could see, dear, was a few girls dancing like 
 our ballet girls at home, only not half so 
 naughty. Well, at any rate, we had a very 
 amusing evening, and I do not think our 
 morals are any the worse. 
 
 On Sunday last we drove out to Versailles, 
 and, being the first of the month, saw the 
 fountains at play — a charming sight. Our es- 
 
140 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 corts secured an easy carriage with two fine 
 horses and splendid EngHsh coachman. The 
 drive out in itself was most interesting and 
 pretty. We went through the quaint town of 
 St. Germain and that of Sevres, where it is well 
 known the beautiful china of that name is made. 
 When we reached Versailles we secured our 
 luncheon table first, for such a crowd as there 
 was, of both foreigners and natives, one could 
 not trust to luck at the last moment. After this 
 was settled we secured a funny guide who, to 
 our surprise, was English. He wore a bright 
 boutonniere, and this he said he was always 
 known by. If we ever wished to have him 
 again or any of our friends, to ask for "L'homme 
 avec la boutonniere." I was just as glad he 
 was English, for the French do gabble so fast, 
 and here I wanted to understand every word. 
 The fascination of this old court centre to me 
 was so great that words cannot express it. 
 Through those long and innumerable avenues 
 of trees we walked and one could picture to 
 oneself the days long since gone by when the 
 court assembled and many beautiful women 
 and handsome men, all gaily dressed, walked 
 through these lanes, the love affairs and intri- 
 gues that must have been enacted here, allur- 
 ing to the imagination, and one only wishes 
 

CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 141 
 
 those fine old days could once more be ; and 
 from behind those trees one could be allowed 
 to witness the scene, a silent, unseen spectator, 
 with this one privilege — the power to read the 
 secrets of the actors' hearts. Could anything 
 consume one with more interest than this? 
 Surely France needs a court again. She loves 
 the finery, tinsel and splendor attending it. It 
 scarcely seems France without it. 
 
 We were taken through the magnificent 
 apartments of the palace and I almost stood 
 open mouthed with wonder. The proportion 
 of the rooms superb, the carving, woodwork 
 and decorations grand. The inlaid floor so 
 exquisite, superb mirrors rising high above the 
 floors with gilded frames so perfect, such 
 beautiful furniture everywhere, and collections 
 of most valuable curios, one of the grandest 
 parts of these old palaces being the magnificent 
 suites of rooms covering large areas of space, 
 opening one into another, state rooms, recep- 
 tion rooms, banqueting halls, bed chambers, 
 portrait galleries, audience halls, one after an- 
 other — superb — magnificent. Where could one 
 see such things to-day ? 
 
 Certainly many of our millionaires have their 
 great castles, but all those seductive memories 
 of grand lady and noble lord are wanting. No 
 
142 SOME LETTERS OK AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 kings or queens inhabited them long, long ago 
 and left behind them sweet-scented odors that 
 bring to one's mind the lives and tragedies 
 enacted there during many centuries. 
 
 Ye millionaires of America may have your 
 palaces, but they are lifeless things, the very 
 soul of them is wanting — the history of living, 
 throbbing centuries of noble men and women. 
 
 We saw Le Grand Trianon and Le Petit 
 Trianon, also the beautiful little village where 
 Marie Antoinette and her court played at farm- 
 ing. How often she must have wished it were 
 not simply " make believe " and that she could 
 really be the happy, thoughtless, free creature 
 that she played to be. Poor, unhappy woman! 
 Had she then a premonition of her fate to 
 come ? 
 
 Dear, I must not forget to tell you how one 
 room in the palace impressed me greatly, that 
 of all of Napoleon's portraits, sad to say, and I 
 think France has a right to be very angry at 
 this, England owns one of the very finest — the 
 portrait of Napoleon on the Bellerophon. 
 
 What a wonderful creature he, to have shame- 
 lessly walked into the apartments of kings 
 unasked, and stamped his " N " there. No 
 wonder they tossed their aristocratic heads and 
 would have killed this upstart. What did he 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. \Ui 
 
 care ? He wanted what they had and meant to 
 have it. 
 
 I must not forget to mention, dear, those 
 lovely portraits of Vigee Le Brun, which are so 
 exquisite and hang upon these old walls and 
 bring before one those who lived here long ago. 
 
 After luncheon we roamed out into the gar- 
 dens in time to view the beautiful spectacle of 
 the spouting fountain. Innumerable fountains 
 everywhere and at a given signal all played at 
 once — a most fascinating sight. 
 
 Then in the starlight we drove home and I 
 felt we had had a very perfect day, only want- 
 ing for me that one great thing — you. With- 
 out this my days are all empty. 
 
 With great love, 
 
 Yours always. 
 
144 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER XXVII. 
 Dear Heart : 
 
 We had a most enchanting day at F'ontaine- 
 bleau. We took the train from Paris, hiring a 
 carriage on our arrival at the country station 
 and had a most deHghtful drive through the 
 forests, magnificent trees and endless roads 
 winding through them. One feels it would be 
 so easy to lose one's way and never hnd the 
 path back — and the gnomes and fairies living 
 there seize one for their own. One curious sight 
 was two trees, having separate trunks, grown 
 together at the top, apparently a branch from 
 one peeping over to and seizing the other. 
 These trees, with true Frenchiness, were called 
 the lovers. 
 
 One could have taken several days to this 
 place, but not having the time we were forced 
 to shorten our stay here to a few hours and I 
 fear we missed much that would have been most 
 interesting, but you and I, dear, must come here 
 together some day in that sweet future that I 
 long for. We were taken to see a well so deep 
 that no one could see the bottom. We threw 
 water down, and, after many minutes anxious 
 waiting, heard the splash. Also we lit papers 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 145 
 
 and let them fly, whirling, whirling round till 
 they disappeared out of sight. Gone, no one 
 knew where. One felt a desire to follow after, 
 to see what had become of them, but this would 
 be a little too hazardous. Our guide asked us 
 to allow some sisters with a few children to join 
 our party as in this way he could economize 
 time. Such a bright, merry set as the sisters 
 were, having their jokes with our guide, which 
 to say the least were quite Frenchy to our Puri- 
 tanical ears. 
 
 To my imagination sisters were always grave, 
 sedate, and scarcely dared even to speak to a 
 man, but far from it these sisters. They even 
 tried to get up quite a flirtation with Sir Lionel 
 and Mr. Wood, who, nothing loth, helped them 
 on, much to my amusement, but as for Lily — I 
 do not think she altogether liked it. She and 
 Mr. Wood have their ups and downs, so like 
 children, some days hardly speak, and then 
 make up. This I think they hugely like and are 
 the best of friends. I let Lily talk to me all she 
 wants to, and every night she joins me before I 
 retire and we have a long, confidential chat, 
 dear to all women's hearts and tell each other 
 all our secrets except those I keep just for you, 
 dear, and some I know Lily keeps for Mr. Wood, 
 or will some day. 
 
MC) SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 So with the sisters, guide and children, we 
 wandered for some time, hours it seemed to me, 
 over hill and dale and through woods. We 
 came upon a rock from which we had a far- 
 reaching view, and one could almost believe 
 we could see the whole of France. 
 
 Sometimes, dear, I wish it would not always 
 fall to my lot to wander round with Sir Lionel, 
 but Lily and Mr. Wood fly off and of course I 
 cannot blame them. Sir Lionel is always so the 
 gentleman, and never says or does a thing he 
 should not, but loving you as I do with all my 
 heart and soul, I do not want another man to 
 perhaps, unknowingly, take a fancy to me. It 
 would go hard with Sir Lionel, I know, for he 
 would suffer in silence, and no real woman 
 wants any man to suffer for her. Sir Lionel 
 has entered into business in New York, and I 
 tell him, when we get back, I intend to throw 
 him with some very pretty, fascinating woman, 
 and he must please me by loving her and then 
 marrying her, for being a great matchmaker, I 
 shall not be satisfied until I see him happy with 
 his wife. He always smiles and says he does 
 not want a wife and is quite content as he is, 
 only asking for my friendship and hoping one 
 day to have yours. 
 
 Some day, I tell him, you are to know each 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 147 
 
 Other. I know you would like him, and be 
 good friends. But this, my dear heart, I have 
 determined to do on our return, and Lily thinks 
 it a good plan, too ; try to get him interested in 
 some nice available woman. I have a beauty 
 in my mind, you know her — Marion Welsh — 
 and were once, dear, quite her captive. And 
 then after bringing them tactfully together, 
 without Sir Lionel knowing it, make him see 
 less of me and much of her. Please commend 
 your wife's well meant, kindly strategy, dear. 
 Leave a woman to these things. 
 
 After seeing as much as possible of the forest, 
 we dined at 1' Hotel de France et d'Angleterre, 
 and indeed we did enjoy our meal, being raven- 
 ous as wolves, and to our tired senses the Hun- 
 garian band seemed most restful and romantic. 
 We dined al fresco and this is so delightful on 
 a balmy summer day, and this was just a per- 
 fect one, the sky deep blue, with a few snow 
 white clouds to relieve it, and the air faintly 
 stirring, with a soft, gentle breeze. After giving 
 due time to the digestion of our meal, and 
 with no undue haste, we visited the castle here. 
 
 Beautiful and full of magnificent rooms, as at 
 Versailles, but not to my mind quite so alluring. 
 One of the most beautiful and most perfect of 
 the suites here was the one of Madame de 
 
148 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 Maintenon, all the furniture gold brocade and 
 pink roses, to one's feminine mind simply ideal. 
 Could any woman be unhappy with such sur- 
 roundings ? To my mind she is a provoking 
 character, why not either saint or sinner? There 
 is much to be forgiven (if an honest and attrac- 
 tive one) to the latter, but a saint and sinner, that 
 can never be tolerated. 
 
 One of the saddest things one saw at Fon- 
 tainebleau was Napoleon Bonaparte's signature 
 to his abdication in favor of the little king of 
 Rome. Such a dreadful, scratchy handwriting, 
 and one feels the man who wrote it must have 
 felt that all was over and his star, that till now 
 had shone bright and steady, was diminishing 
 fast and setting never to arise again. This 
 manuscript is kept carefully under glass ; one 
 could not help feeling very sorry for the man 
 and pity him for his ambition shattered. 
 
 During our drives of this day we passed the 
 chateau of Millet's son who has done good 
 work as a painter, but is much overshadowed 
 by his father's success. Lily and I are deeply 
 interested in our work for next winter and have 
 bought many pictures and photographs, with 
 which to decorate our studios. How I do hope 
 we may make some success of our undertaking. 
 Well, at any rate it will keep us occupied, and 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 149 
 
 help to pass the days till you send for me, dear. 
 My heart fairly leaped for joy, when in one of 
 your last letters you said you hoped to be sent 
 next year to the Mediterranean, where you would 
 send immediately for me and put a stop to my 
 wanderings without you, which you could not 
 bear. How I love you for those words and I 
 kissed them, love. I hate these travels without 
 you, just as much as you do. Darling, always 
 and forever, 
 
 Yours. 
 
150 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER XXVIII. 
 
 Dearest : 
 
 You tell me not to forget to buy myself some 
 pretty gowns, that you always like to think of 
 me as daintily and well dressed. You need 
 have no worry on this score, and I cannot be 
 too glad you are a man who likes to see his 
 wife well gowned, a man who is mean in this 
 direction is too detestable for words, is fit for 
 "treason, stratagem and spoils." Lily and I, 
 notwithstandingour active sight-seeing, manage 
 to get in fittings at some of the leading mod- 
 istes. Our gowns are simply perfect, and how 
 I hope, dear, the wheel of fortune may turn so 
 you may see me in mine. As I get fitted for 
 these fiuffy, dainty confections, and view my- 
 self in the mirror, and see a very attractive 
 reflection, my heart sinks at the thought they 
 may be all worn out when next I see you. Half 
 my heart, dear, in my dressing is for you. 
 Knowing this, cheri, you could not love me 
 half so well did I not care that you should see 
 me looking just as perfect as I could be, and 
 that others too should know that you had a wife 
 whose faith was this — to even gown herself more 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 151 
 
 perfectly for husband than for fiance. Surely 
 one can hardly blame the man for growing 
 weary of the woman who cares no longer how 
 her husband sees her dressed. No matter how 
 small the pocket book, the woman who cares, 
 and knows the value of looking her best in her 
 husband's eyes, and wearing her best for him 
 (not saving the prettiest gown always for com- 
 pany), can manage to have a becoming ward- 
 robe. Even the simplest can be pretty and 
 fresh. And the man who will not aid his wife 
 to look her best for him according to his 
 means is a " beast " and gives the best cause 
 for divorce. 
 
 Now, my lord and master (mis-termed appli- 
 cation), those are the heretical opinions of your 
 docile wife. Dear, I love you, love you, love 
 you ; first, for this, whatever I say or do or 
 think you are always there to listen, help and 
 understand. I think there could be no union 
 more perfect than ours. Even when I say 
 nothing, you can almost read my thoughts and 
 this I know, there is nothing in your heart, or 
 in your mind I could not comprehend. That 
 tell-tale face of yours could not keep a secret 
 from me. 
 
 One day Lily and I gave just to driving from 
 " couturiere to couturiere" along the Rue de la 
 
152 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 Paix, and Place Vendome, and all that neigh- 
 borhood, seeing everything, and then choosing 
 what we wanted, and indeed this was not easy, 
 for such a mass of beautiful creations almost 
 turned our feminine minds. Every day the 
 leading houses have a display of these gowns 
 between ten and twelve in the morning, and 
 four and six in the afternoons. Really it is a 
 fascinating show, and better than going to the 
 theatre. Beautiful models, with perfect figures, 
 don these superb confections one after another, 
 and walk before one. Every woman in Paris, 
 be of what class she may, has a fine figure, and 
 always well gowned, never dowdily, and has 
 that indescribable " chic" air. We simply had a 
 delightful day, going from one place to the 
 other and at last I settled upon a Francis 
 gown, some beautiful ball and house gowns at 
 Doucet and Raudnitz. Lily decided she would 
 try Beer, Paquin, Jeanne Halle and some others. 
 The dressmakers in Paris number legion and 
 many of the simple unknown ones are very 
 good. One tires of these eternal models one 
 sees so often copied at home, and longs to have 
 something individual. The Parisian mind fairly 
 bubbles and boils over with ideas, but the mind 
 American can carry out these ideas much the 
 better and also if given the chance can create- 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 
 
 153 
 
 This, I believe, is coming and some day New 
 York will lead with her creations. 
 
 Frequently one sees in Paris advertisements 
 of American goods and also English. The 
 "straight front corset " seems to have origi- 
 nated in America. Whether this is to be con- 
 sidered hygienic or an instrument of torture 
 seems to be hanging in the balance. What 
 woman cares much about this if it is the 
 fashion, the sensible one must follow it. 
 
 Dear, I have a friend whose husband is al- 
 ways nagging her (this art is not one that 
 belongs only to the gentler sex) about her mode 
 of dressing. This is unhealthy, that is extrav- 
 agant, and so on, ad mfinituniy and she, poor, 
 fooHsh thing, follows his directions and turns 
 out quite a sight. And did not I see this very 
 wretch desert his wife in one of these most sen- 
 sible of gowns and devote himself to a charming 
 woman, gowned to perfection a la mode, and in 
 all those inventions of the devil, as he terms 
 them? Certainly the devices of his satanic 
 majesty held this weak man captive for many 
 an hour, and his poor wife almost in tears. She 
 should have turned and rent him, but the poor 
 thing quietly accepted it. I hate a man who 
 holds his wife a domestic slave. 
 
 After our shopping, Lily and I frequently go 
 
154 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 to Columbine's, about five in the afternoon, for 
 chocolate and tea, and to see all the Americans 
 in Paris, and always find some one we know 
 with whom to have a pleasant chat. Soon our 
 visit here will be ended, and we sail next week 
 from Cherbourg in the Deutschland for home. 
 I can scarcely believe our little trip is nearly 
 over. I have, indeed, enjoyed it, and have 
 much to thank my friends for in helping me 
 pass the time when separated from you. Lily, 
 the most perfect and unselfish of friends, has 
 been truly lovely to me, and I can never forget 
 her devotion. 
 
 It is very interesting watching her affair with 
 Mr. Wood. He will have his hands full, but be 
 the possessor of a perfect woman, with a splen- 
 did character. They do not intend to be mar- 
 ried until the spring, so Lily and I can carry out 
 our plans for our joint studio next winter. We 
 have bought many things with which to artistic- 
 ally furnish our den, but what, with our gowns 
 beside, we will do when we reach those dread- 
 ful custom house officials, I do not know. We 
 hear most awful tales, and tremble in our boots. 
 
 Dearest, I wonder what you are doing, think- 
 ing, just this minute. Sometimes the desire to 
 see you grows so very, very great I can scarcely 
 stand this awful waiting day by day, and de- 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 155 
 
 spair almost fills me. Cruel fate, how can it 
 treat us so ? Fortunately, I have your letters, 
 and fly to them when near distracted, and read 
 your dear, dear words over, love, till they are 
 well written — graven on my heart. 
 Dearest, my whole self is forever 
 
 Yours. 
 
156 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER XXIX. 
 
 Darling : 
 
 I can hardly believe to-morrow we leave Paris 
 en route to Cherbourg, there to embark on our 
 homeward journey. I hope some day to see 
 these streets again, but trust it may be in your, 
 my most cherished company. 
 
 Yesterday we went out to St. Denis to see the 
 cathedral where so many of the kings and 
 queens of France lie buried, dating back to the 
 Carlovingian and Merovingian dynasties. If 
 it were not for the sun and air that streams 
 through the beautiful stained glass windows of 
 these edifices, one would think one was buried 
 with the musty dead and the present gone for- 
 ever, swallowed up in the deep sea of the past. 
 One is filled with strange interest and feelings, 
 wandering from tomb to tomb, upon which lies, 
 in carved marble, the figure of the man or 
 woman buried underneath. How full one's 
 brain to overflowing of imaginings concerning 
 the lives of those who rest there, waiting for the 
 last trump to awake them. What a strange 
 medley of personages it would be if, upon this 
 great day, these old kings and queens should 
 
AliHAVE IJIC ST. DHXIS, XU SIKCLE. 
 
CONCERNINf; LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 157 
 
 arise to find many American tourists beside 
 them ! What a strange time there would be ! 
 
 We were talcen through the sacristy and 
 shown some very beautiful relics around which 
 hung old legends and superstitions and one 
 felt inclined to smile with a pitying mockery at 
 the simple folks credulity. Down to the crypt 
 we went and I nearly felt smothered ; surely we 
 were being hurried down into the depths, far 
 from human help, to join the hosts of the 
 departed. 
 
 Really, dear, I do not like these places, and 
 found myself clutching at Sir Lionel's arm. 
 Dearest, please forgive me (Sir Lionel did) but 
 I could not help it, a feeling of terror seized me 
 and I was quite sure some of those marble 
 images were moving, and beckoning for me, 
 but I had no intention of staying with them and 
 wished to hurry out into the light and air and 
 to feel the living present and to know the tombs 
 could not hold me from you yet, dear. 
 
 One of the most impressive scenes in this 
 crypt was a circular room in the centre, with a 
 wall around it in which were windows with 
 gratings ; one could see inside, through these, 
 a dim little room and could discern two 
 rude coffins, those of Marie Antoinette and 
 Louis XVL A fearful pity for the fate of these 
 
158 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 two filled one. What a blessing to be born a 
 true and independent citizen in the land of 
 freedom, kings and queens unto ourselves. 
 There is only one king I will ever own, and that 
 is your own dear majesty. 
 
 We wandered through the quaint old 
 streets of St. Denis and came upon a tumble- 
 down restaurant where we managed to get a 
 passable lunch at one of the outside tables. 
 Nothing would have induced me to enter the 
 smelly, dark dining room. Old crones, women 
 with beards and dark-faced, villainous-looking 
 men seemed to inhabit the interior of this eat- 
 ing house, and so you cannot wonder Lily and 
 I refused to enter its portals. I am quite sure 
 we would be dead by now, and every franc we 
 had gone. 
 
 A pleasant and interesting day we had, and 
 on our return to Paris dined at the Cafe Ambas- 
 sadeurs, ending our day at the Folies Marigny, 
 where we witnessed a very charming little 
 vaudeville show. One thing, dear, I am afraid 
 you will censure me for, and that is how deeply 
 impressed I am by the spirit of Napoleon Bona- 
 parte, still walking about these streets of Paris 
 everywhere. The people feel him to this day. 
 My sensations were overpowering on looking 
 upon his tomb at T Hotel des Invahdes. No 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 159 
 
 impression could be carried out so well as that 
 here given. The feeling that this whole build- 
 ing was the tomb of Napoleon and had been 
 built from the beginning just to hold this strange 
 and resdess spirit. As I entered the building 
 the power and fascination of the man seemed 
 to hold me captive— all around the tombs and 
 names of those who loved him, warriors, gen- 
 erals, who followed him to death, no matter 
 what his faults and these we know were great. 
 The man who could so by his will hold men 
 willing captives, must have had something great 
 within him, and one had to render homage. 
 
 One looks down from a surrounding gallery 
 on the great granite tomb, encircling which, 
 upon the floor, is a large inlaid green laurel 
 wreath, upon which were written all the names 
 of Napoleon's great batdes, and from the 
 wreath branch out yellow rays— the sun's rays, 
 the emblem of his greatness. One can hardly 
 believe the great man dead ; surely his spirit 
 walks the earth yet and haunts his well-beloved 
 France. 
 
 I must tell you of an amusing expedition 
 Lily and I made to Ueglise St. Germain. It 
 is a very pretty old-time church with memories 
 of the ancient aristocradc times hanging round 
 it. An old woman selling candles stood before 
 
160 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 an altar to the Virgin and told us whosoever 
 offered up a candle to the Virgin here would 
 receive her dearest wish, but for it one must 
 pray a prayer to the Virgin. Notwithstanding 
 my being a heretical Protestant, I did this, and 
 hope, dear, from the bottom of my heart, to 
 receive my wish. Being told by our old woman 
 to keep it very secret — this one of the condi- 
 tions of our being granted our desires — I must 
 leave it, dear, for you to guess. Lily said, " You 
 really did not offer up a prayer to the Virgin ? " 
 And I answered, " Of course, I did, I wanted my 
 wish so much, I could not afford to risk dis- 
 pleasing the Holy Mother." Lily was horrified, 
 being a very good and strict Episcopalian. 
 
 We have seen many, many things so numer- 
 ous, that I have not had time, dear, to write 
 you about them, but these will all be the better 
 for the telling. 
 
 One could not help being delighted with the 
 stained glass windows in Sainte-Chapelle, said 
 to be the most beautiful in the world. We 
 visited L' Academic Frangaise, where we saw 
 busts of many famous writers ; some of the 
 rooms here were closed to women, and of 
 course, I, being a very true woman, was imme- 
 diately dying to see what was inside. Why 
 are you men supposed to see everything 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 161 
 
 wicked, and we women, far more perfect crea- 
 tures, nothing ? I do not want or care to, only I 
 cannot help being provoked when I am told 
 fruit is forbidden. Then, of course, I want to 
 eat. Why not say, " Eat all you want, even to 
 excess," then none of us would desire even so 
 much as a bite. Sometimes it seems strange 
 to me Providence did not understand this in the 
 days of the Garden of Eden. 
 
 Well, dear, dearest of all things to me, to- 
 night we pack and to-morrow early, off to meet 
 the steamer. Somehow I shall feel much nearer 
 you in my own little apartment in New York. 
 You, dear, there fill every corner. 
 
 Always with loving faithfulness yours, my 
 husband. 
 
162 SOME LETTEKS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER XXX. 
 
 Dearest : 
 
 We are back again in New York after a 
 stormy passage. The custom house officials 
 gave us very Httle trouble, though my heart 
 was in my mouth. I had been told not to de- 
 clare anything, for no matter what one said, 
 the officials did not believe you, and one's 
 trunks were gone through. Strange govern- 
 ment that insists upon accusing everyone of 
 falsehood. This is our great and free country. 
 
 Consequently, not being believed, everyone 
 does do what the government wishes — tell a 
 tarry-diddle. I was frightened almost to death 
 when a very stately looking official asked me 
 for my keys, which I gave, imploring him not 
 to muss up and spoil everything. He gave 
 me a little smiling look and said quietly, " Don't 
 be worried," So I told him I put my trust in 
 him. He laughed and in a few minutes passed 
 me with a "nothing dutiable." All our party 
 got through well, and then we drove to the 
 Waldorf for luncheon, for a last little partie 
 carree, thus bringing to an end our delightful 
 trip. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 168 
 
 How we are always in this life coming to the 
 end of things, and with all our pleasures so 
 much sorrow is mixed. The party promising 
 to see much of each other this coming winter, I 
 drove to my apartment and was glad to be 
 alone there for awhile. My maid had had 
 everything put to order for my arrival, and the 
 first thing she handed me was a budget of let- 
 ters from you. These were the best welcome I 
 could have had, and with the memories of you 
 stirring all around, I spent the best and happiest 
 hours I have for many days since your depart- 
 ure. I read over and over every word of 
 yours, and love them each and all, for do not 
 they come right from you ? I am jealous of 
 them, for have they not been seen by you and 
 put down by your hand ? Stealing my right. 
 You say again that you hope to so arrange 
 that Fate will bring us together soon, that 
 there is every chance you will be sent to the 
 Mediterranean. Just to think to be there with 
 you, and I have always longed to visit Italy, 
 the land of my dreams, and now to think this 
 may come true, crowned with the greatest joy 
 of all — you. 
 
 Cousin Mary came in a little while ago to 
 see me ; she seems truly glad again to lay eyes 
 on me, but much provoked at my not writing 
 
164 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 to her oftener. I fear my pen was so full of 
 telling you things it had no time to write to 
 others. But I brought out a handsome piece 
 of silk and odds and ends I had picked up for 
 her, and told her that though I had not written 
 much, I had not altogether forgotten her. No 
 one loves bright things more than cousin Mary, 
 and her face fairly beamed, and soon her griev- 
 ances were forgotten and we were having a 
 charming confab over the fire with a cup of tea. 
 I know she would like me to ask her to come 
 here to spend the winter and chaperone me, for 
 she keeps constantly pointing out the dangers 
 and difficulties besetting a "grass widow's" 
 being alone. How careful she has to be, who 
 she receives and what she does, etc., but I tell 
 her I think I can take care of myself. Cousin 
 Mary has a very charming little home of her 
 own, and I could not stand a winter of side 
 lectures. 
 
 Dear, I have some things for you that I will 
 give you when we meet. One thing in partic- 
 ular, a miniature of myself, set in a gold heart, 
 your initials in brilliants on the outside. It 
 flatters me, but for this I am glad, for when we 
 are separated I want you to imagine me more 
 beautiful than I am. This locket you are to 
 keep, dear, near your heart, always, always. I 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 165 
 
 have your picture, darling, in the locket you 
 gave me, and wear it ever round my neck, 
 but some day, beloved, I do so want your 
 miniature, and I trust soon this will be your gift 
 to me ; a photograph is not half so good. 
 
 To-night Lily is coming quietly to dine with 
 me. No Mr. Wood, no Sir Lionel to be allowed. 
 Now I must begin my little stratagem about 
 the latter. I must not let him be with me so 
 much and then living here alone I fear cousin 
 Mary's admonitions should be followed. Mrs. 
 Grundy might begin to say things and this I 
 should hate ; first, and foremost, because I 
 love you so. How hard it is for man and 
 woman to be friends ! Someone always has a 
 word to say that hurts it. 
 
 To-morrow Lily and I go to our studios and 
 intend spending the whole day fixing them up 
 to look most bewitching and attractive. I think 
 this with the cups of tea brewed from the tea 
 leaves of the gods, will bring us clients, don't 
 you ? We are very much interested in our at- 
 tempted artistic career. I trust it will not prove 
 an utter failure. This I know, dear, whatever 
 else my failures, my loving you can never be 
 and with all the ups and downs of life your arms 
 will be ever outstretched to take me in. Know- 
 ing this, I am fearless and ready for any fate. 
 
166 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 I know this, too, my dearest, I am always ready 
 to die, if need be, for you. There is nothing 
 you could wish that my heart would not give. 
 Only fretting at the boundaries human limita- 
 tions place around it. 
 
 Lily and I love to don our house gowns, and 
 such dears as we have, fresh from Paris, all lace 
 and chiffon, and to spend a few hours together 
 just pouring out those foolish confidences women 
 love to hear. Lily announces her engagement 
 in a few days and is fairly brimming over with 
 happiness. She and Mr. Wood intend being 
 married early in the spring and then take a 
 trip out West. Lily says she always means to 
 keep up her painting and that we must have 
 our studio together. She thinks it so necessary 
 that a woman should not let her husband think 
 that he owns every bit of heart, and mind and 
 soul, she has. To keep them lovers one must 
 keep husbands at bay just a little bit. 
 
 With the love that springs from my heart 
 eternally for you, I am and remain forever 
 
 Yours. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. I(l7 
 
 LETTER XXXI. 
 Dearest : 
 
 To-day Lily and I have spent hauling out all 
 our decorations from our trunks and have been 
 backwards and forwards from our homes to 
 our studios (two large rooms, opening into 
 each other, with big folding doors). They were 
 very bare looking places yesterday; but to-day, 
 you would not know them. Late this after- 
 noon, when I left, tired and weary with our day's 
 work, they looked bright and charming and 
 very fetching with draperies and pictures 
 everywhere. Pleasant little nooks with easy 
 cushions, easels and all the implements of our 
 deadly art at hand. Marion Welsh came in for 
 afternoon tea and to give us a helping hand. 
 She has promised to sit for me immediately 
 and says she expects to spend half her days in 
 our entrancing quarter. Lily is to start on Mr. 
 Wood's portrait to-morrow. He says he is 
 going to pose looking straight into Lily's eyes 
 and he is quite sure there will be reflected there 
 such a handsome creature that the portrait will 
 be stunning. Lily says if he does not behave 
 himself she will make a very true, hideous 
 portrait of him. Then I hear a scuffle and 
 
1()8 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 demands for an apology; if a kiss is given, lie 
 will forgive and not unless. Then a refusal to 
 give this and so on till, at last, I hear a very 
 suspicious sound. 
 
 Do you think, dear, that our paintings will 
 amount to much if this continues every day ? 
 1 tell Lily we must come down to serious work; 
 she says she is and has begun already. 
 
 Of course, Sir Lionel came in and I intro- 
 duced him to Marion ; now for my little man- 
 oeuvres. You see I have Marion coming every 
 day and it will be impossible for Sir Lionel to 
 see me alone. Then let them be together and 
 1 intend to try and leave them often alone. 
 Two such charming people cannot fail to like 
 each other. Let propinquity do the rest. 
 
 I am deeply interested in my little plot. I 
 wonder what Sir Lionel would say if he knew 
 how deep and dark my schemes against him. 
 Take alarm and refuse to enter into them? But, 
 dear, this to you. I will be a wise woman and 
 keej) my plans to myself and let him think, 
 when the happy consummation comes, he did 
 it all himself. Do you know, sweetheart, you 
 men, poor, deluded creatures, though you think 
 you lead yourselves, there is always some 
 woman who can lead you by the nose. Witness 
 what I do with \()U. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 1 ()i) 
 
 We had our first afternoon tea, all of us 
 together, a little topsy-turvy, of course, as 
 nothing could be found. But somehow we 
 managed to get our cups of tea and to enjoy 
 them as never before. We hear our friends are 
 very much interested in our doings and that 
 it is to be quite the thing to come of an after- 
 noon to our studio, and many intend risking 
 having their faces put down on canvas by us. 
 To-day we each had a surprise for the other, 
 presents we had brought each other. I gave 
 Lily a diamond pin for her hair and she to 
 me a pearl pendant. Mr. Wood and Sir Lionel 
 charmed us with beautiful etchings of different 
 places we had • visited. These we hung up all 
 around the studio and had the greatest time 
 hanging them where each one of us thought 
 they ought to be. I feared we would come to 
 blows sometimes. 
 
 Several invitations came to-day to dinners, 
 theatre parties, receptions, balls, etc., but I do 
 so hate to go to them without you. Balls I 
 shall eschew ; a working woman has no time 
 for these and I must be up betimes to properly 
 attend to the faces of my friends. Lily says I 
 must not give up everything, especially as I 
 have so many pretty gowns and indeed, dear, 
 I do feel like donning these. So I find myself 
 
170 SOMK LKTTERS OF AN AMICKICAN WOMAN 
 
 promising to go to a few dinners, operas, thea- 
 tres, etc., but nothing or none of them can be 
 you, dear, I could be satisfied in the wilds if 
 you were only there. I might sometimes get a 
 little longing for my French confections, and 
 Lily says she knows I would come hurrying 
 back wanting all the good things our big cities 
 give. And that, though I do not think so, we 
 would soon, if left alone, never to see her or our 
 friends, tear each other's eyes out. She knows 
 she would. I cannot in my wildest dreams 
 believe it, dear. But still for us all I suppose 
 it is best we should mix with others, too ; then 
 we can appreciate each other so much more. 
 
 You seem to be getting worried over Sir 
 Lionel's attentions to me — you say you know 
 I mean nothing but what is good and right, 
 and that you think he does, too; only this, you 
 think he is drifting on a dangerous shore and 
 that no one could be near me long you know 
 and not love me. " Be careful " you say, "not 
 to make him suffer, as he must if he once con- 
 ceives a hopeless passion for you. Once fallen 
 into this no man could extricate himself, nor 
 would he want to. He would rather die first." 
 You dear, dearest, of old things, you look at 
 things concerning me from your own point, and 
 this I feel sure of. Sir Lionel knows how to take 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 17l 
 
 care of himself and is not going to be such a 
 great goose as to fall into a pit with eyes open. 
 Nobody wants to suffer knowingly. This from 
 the first time he met me, he knew, that I loved 
 my husband truly, dearly, and that it would be 
 madness for any man to expect aught of me 
 but friendship. If I were unhappily wedded, I 
 do not know, dear, how strong my morals 
 might be, needing sympathy and love so very 
 much. How thankful one must be that temp- 
 tation has not been put before one. 
 
 You are all my wants and needs and always 
 to the end I am faithfully 
 
 Yours. 
 
iiti SOMI'I LliTTEKS OF AN AMEKICAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER XXXII. 
 
 Dear Heart: 
 
 I can scarcely write for the joy that fills me to 
 overflowing at the letter received from you to- 
 day, telling me to join you at Nice in a month. 
 Oh, my dear, can this be true ? I am almost 
 frightened and think I must be sleeping, dream- 
 ing, and that I will soon wake to find my joy 
 fade away into thin air. I pinch myself to 
 make sure I am actually awake and find I 
 really can feel, my arm is black and blue, and 
 at last the delightful truth seizes hold of me 
 and I can scarce contain myself for very happi- 
 ness, so acute it almost gives me pain. 
 
 As it is with everything, joy and sorrow go 
 hand in hand together. I have thought so 
 much of this very hour that when it comes I 
 can hardly believe my senses. But there, those 
 dear healing happiness laden words lie written 
 under my very eyes, " Meet me, my dearest, in 
 a month from now in Nice ;" and then you say 
 you intend to keep me close, never letting me 
 out of your sight again. That you cannot 
 stand it. All these friends of mine drive you 
 wild. This is all balm to my heart. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 178 
 
 Don't you know, love, that I will be content 
 just to stay beside you, feeling quite sure you 
 will allow me to have a little walk once in 
 awhile. How delightful, my dearest, if you and I 
 could wander over the face of the globe, seeing 
 all the queer and interesting things ! My taste 
 of just a little travel has made me long for 
 more and I can not imagine anything more 
 perfect in this life than to wander round with 
 you — you, with all your knowledge of the world 
 and life, keen criticism, and love of travel, tak- 
 ing deep interest in learning something new, are 
 the most delightful, soul-satisfying of com- 
 panions. I am fairly crazy with delight, I am 
 to meet you soon, to feel and know you near, 
 and to be in that land of my dreams — fair Italy. 
 My cup is overflowing. Your letter arrived at 
 breakfast, and I could scarcely eat a mouthful ; 
 that very mundane function, breakfast, was not 
 needed by me. Had I not your summons? 
 Was it not more to me than meat or drink or 
 anything else this world could give? What 
 became of this earth to-day ? I do not know. 
 I simply seemed lifted up, wings had been given 
 me to soar above, forgetful of all the petty 
 things on this earth. 
 
 I flew to our studio, wanting to tell Lily im- 
 mediately my joyful news. She was so sweet 
 
174 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 and kind to me and entered into my joy so 
 completely though she said with tears in her 
 eyes, " I will miss you so." I felt ashamed of 
 myself for having forgotten in my self-centered 
 joy that this meant she and I must part ; so I 
 threw my arms about her and told her, no 
 woman could have had a sweeter, better, 
 stronger friend than she — a loyal woman to 
 the core, and that there was no man in all the 
 world to be more congratulated than Mr, 
 Wood. She smiled through her tears and said, 
 " If it were not for him, I think I could not let 
 you go without me and I should have tagged 
 on to you." I told her if she had been left alone 
 she simply must have come with me. I made 
 her talk to me about her wedding, which I told 
 her must take place before I left. 
 
 At this moment Mr. Wood came in and I 
 told him of my news and that I could not con- 
 tentedly go withoiit knowing Lily safe in his 
 possession. He said that most decidedly he 
 agreed with me and Lily must decide then and 
 there the wedding day. He also told me that 
 though he should miss me very much, I had 
 done him an inestimable favor by settling my 
 plans and departing ; that by so doing I had 
 given him the greatest gift he wanted — Lily. 
 He promises never to forget me and to reward 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 175 
 
 me some day. So the day, two weeks off, is 
 settled for the marriage. Lily has been very 
 provoking about it, teasing Mr. Wood so— he 
 could not get her to setUe anything — but, 
 quietly, after he left, she told me how very 
 happy she was and how glad that we had 
 made her fix the day. 
 
 Then we fell to talking about her wardrobe,and 
 I am going with her to select everything, and I 
 know in my present elated, joyful state of mind, 
 I cannot fail to choose well for her, and have 
 promised to do it if she leaves it in my hands. 
 Poor Lily says that now she has promised to 
 become a married woman within two weeks, 
 she is all upset and hardly knows black from 
 white. I will see that she is one of the most 
 lovely of brides, and with the most perfect of 
 outfits. 
 
 This is all to be done in two weeks,; but, 
 dear, I cannot tell you how glad I am to have 
 my hands full, for my joy is so great at the 
 thought of so soon joining, seeing you, actually 
 in the flesh, I think I should jump out of my 
 skin if it were not I shall be so busy. 
 
 And so Lily's and my studio life is to come 
 to an end ! We have enjoyed our pleasant hours 
 together there so much ; and really, dear, some 
 of our paintings are decidedly good. Several 
 
17() SOMIi LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 of our friends have turned out quite good look- 
 ing under our hands, on canvas. I decided it 
 was best to flatter everyone, be they ugly or 
 good looking. 
 
 Marion Welsh made a beautiful study. Sir 
 Lionel not so good ; he was so restless. I have 
 tried so hard to bring those two together, but 1 
 fear without success ; and I had so flattered 
 myself that I was a good matchmaker. I know 
 they would suit each other, but both seem to 
 have other views. Some disagreeable, good- 
 looking young man has turned up and attached 
 hirhself to Marion, and I can see how the wind 
 blows ; they are mutually attracted and, of 
 course, there will soon be another wedding. Sir 
 Lionel will not take to anyone, and frequently 
 laughs at me, and says : " My dear madam, 
 I think you had better leave these little games 
 alone ; they are deeper than either you or I can 
 see ; fate alone can adjust them, and frequently 
 even she does it very badly, being often a most 
 cruel arbiter." 
 
 He says, often it is most hard to witness 
 others happiness and to know oneself outside — 
 that he had once dreamed of a happy day to 
 come, when he would have the woman he loved 
 beside him. She was to be the finest of all 
 women, dearest, truest, loveliest — but now he 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 177 
 
 knew this dream of his was dead. I told him 
 this was all nonsense ; there were many lovely 
 women, beautiful women, in the world, and that 
 he must find one just suited to himself. This, 
 he says, he has seen and found, but she is not 
 for him. He makes me very uneasy, and I 
 shall be so glad when I hear he is married, and 
 I do so hope it may be some time soon. I 
 am to meet him to-night at Mrs. Van Alen's 
 dinner, and I shall tell him then of my great 
 joy. Somehow I feel a little worried ; I hope 
 this is foolish. Oh, dearest, with all the joy in 
 my heart, I love, and am until we meet and 
 afterwards, 
 
 Yours. 
 
178 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER XXXIII. 
 
 Oh, my darling, I have something- so dread- 
 ful to tell you. I felt a little uneasy before I 
 went to Mrs. Van Alen's dinner last night, fear- 
 ing Sir Lionel might be a little upset when he 
 heard I was so soon to leave here, and my great 
 joy be consummated in meeting you once more. 
 
 I knew he had no right to be upset and that 
 I had always been most careful to tell him of 
 my love for you, and, besides, I knew him to be 
 one of the truest of men, but, even so, dear, 
 they sometimes fall in love when it were better 
 not. I was taken into dinner by Mr, Van Alen, 
 and, of course, had to talk most of the time to 
 him, and it was not until dinner was half over 
 that I could turn to Sir Lionel. Then I told 
 him of your letter, and all my joyful, overflow- 
 ing delight. 
 
 For a moment he grew pale to the very lips, 
 and then said, " Believe me, I wish you all the 
 happiness you deserve, but it is hard for your 
 friends to see you go, especially one who has 
 deemed it the greatest honor he has ever had 
 to hold a place among them. Ah, you are go- 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 179 
 
 ing out of my life and I may never see you 
 again." Tliis I told him was foolish, I felt 
 quite sure we would meet again, and when that 
 happy time came I could bring you two to- 
 gether, and I knew you would be friends, and 
 you would be most grateful to him for his kind- 
 ness to me in your absence. He muttered some- 
 thing under his breath and asked me to please 
 stop. I was getting very nervous, his face was 
 ashy white and I noticed he was taking glass 
 after glass of champagne. 
 
 Mr. Van Alen turned to me again and I had 
 no other chance during the dinner to address a 
 word to Sir Lionel. I had promised early in 
 the evening he should take me home and now 
 I was quite worried. What was I to do ? Oh 
 if you were only there. But I had to face this 
 all myself ; it was terrible. His poor suffering 
 face appalled me and I realized this man loved 
 me deeply, truly, with an abiding love. Of 
 course he ought not, had no right, and I had 
 given him no encouragement. Still the fact re- 
 mained and he suffered. This I felt sure. He 
 was really good and true and it was one 
 of those sad happenings that no one could be 
 blamed for. 
 
 I hoped that perhaps he would go home after 
 dinner and leave me to drive to my apartment 
 
180 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 alone. Lily was spending the night with me 
 but she would have retired and my nervousness 
 was growing to a high pitch as I watched Sir 
 Lionel's white face. He was brilliant ; talked 
 as I had never heard him talk before. Still I 
 noticed the many glasses of champagne he 
 drank. To all appearances he was himself 
 save for his white face and bright eyes. Din- 
 ner over, the women adjourned to the parlors, 
 where we were soon joined by the men. Sir 
 Lionel sang a few songs for us, which he can do 
 so well, told some brilliant tales, and all said 
 the evening was so unusually bright and 
 pleasant. 
 
 The time for leaving came and Sir Lionel 
 stepped forward and said, *' Don't forget your 
 promise to allow me to escort you." I tried to 
 dissuade him from coming with me, but he 
 would take no refusal, so with quaking heart I 
 entered my coupe with him. All the drive to 
 my apartment he was quiet, I only wished he 
 would speak, the quiet was so ominous and I 
 felt and knew he was wrought up to a pitch of 
 excitement. 
 
 When we reached my door I said good night 
 and hoped he would leave, but he pushed past 
 me into the hall, and then into the drawing 
 room. Then in fast words he began to talk, 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 181 
 
 telling me how he loved me. I tried to stop 
 him, telling him he must not say these things 
 to me ; I was a married woman and loved my 
 husband. This seemed to anger him beyond 
 endurance, and he said, "Oh, yes, you are a 
 perfect woman, nothing that you ever did can 
 be brought against you, you are good and true, 
 and love your husband, but do you know this? 
 Your very ways, your very thoughts, and self 
 drove me almost wild with love, using all your 
 wiles, ways, words, smiles, unconsciously, I 
 know. You were yourself — you could not help 
 it, but still you used those very weapons, and 
 now how dare you blame me? Tell your husband 
 that I love you, love you — that what he saw in 
 you I beheld, and hate him because he owns 
 you. Had I come first he should be the one 
 now suffering, for no power on earth should 
 have held you from me. I am almost mad 
 enough to-night to seize you, and bear you off 
 to where no one could find you." 
 
 I felt myself trembling from head to foot ; 
 the air was heavy and I could scarcely think, 
 but this to my mind did come — the justice of 
 his words, I had never dreamed of doing this, 
 but like all my sex, liked to enjoy the moment 
 and please my friends, both men and women 
 (the former most, I fear), and perhaps unknown 
 
182 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 ingly, unconsciously, had attracted Sir Lionel, 
 and a great pity seized me for him. 
 
 At first I had felt indignant, could have torn 
 him limb from limb. Did he not know I loved 
 you ? And how dared he say such words of 
 love to me? But now the deepest sorrow for 
 him filled me. What — was I to touch a man so 
 deeply, and the pain and grief in his face rent 
 my heart. I knew that I, though unwit- 
 tingly, had made a human creature suffer, 
 wounded him so sorely that I feared he 
 would never recover. The scar would be there 
 always. 
 
 At this thought I could have screamed with 
 pain myself. The strings around my heart 
 seemed to tighten, tighten, to almost strangle 
 me. From a baby I have hated to give another 
 suflfering, or see another suffer pain, and here 
 before me stood a man to whom I had given the 
 acutest anguish. I could hardly stand, and stag- 
 gered to a chair and said, " Please forgive me." 
 At these words he seemed to soften, the tears 
 came to his eyes, he dropped into a chair, 
 leaned his head upon the table and burst into 
 the deepest sobs I have ever heard, but this, 
 thank God, I felt saved his brain. There is 
 nothing so awful as to see a strong man cry ; 
 it is not weakness, it is the depth of misery. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 183 
 
 My heart seemed to stand still ; I could say no 
 more. This wreck was frightful. 
 
 Soon when his passion was spent, he gath- 
 ered himself together and cried, "My God! 
 what have I said? Believe me, I am mad to- 
 night, and do not know what I say. You ask 
 me to forgive you, but this I answer, there is 
 nothing to forgive. It is all my fault. You are 
 perfect, faultless, and your very faithfulness to 
 your love is what I love, and I would not have 
 you otherwise." 
 
 With this he got up and moved towards the 
 door, saying," God bless and keep you always," 
 and he was gone. How long I sat there stunned 
 I do not know. The night was stormy and the 
 wind was gathering force, but this I noticed as 
 I at last managed to creep up stairs. Sir Lionel 
 had left his coat and gone out in the awful 
 night unprotected. He had a cough, too, this 
 I dimly remembered. At last I reached my room 
 and fell upon my bed weeping — exhausted. 
 But this I felt, dear — I had never meant to hurt 
 him or to let him love me, and had simply been 
 myself. How often, dear, you have told me 
 this was why you loved me so ; I was just a child 
 of nature. Beloved, I think I must unlearn 
 this, or you must keep me safe with you. 
 Dearest, you must never again let me leave 
 
184 SOME LETTERS OF AX AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 you. Keep me safe and tight within your 
 arms. No one else must suffer through me. 
 and oh, my husband, how I love you. 
 Until we meet again, and ever, 
 
 Yours. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 185 
 
 LETTER XXXIV. 
 
 Oh, my dear, the past few days have been 
 so dreadful I can scarcely write about them, 
 but to you I must tell everything. All that is 
 in my heart you must know. I almost feel 
 myself one of the deepest sinners to have 
 caused so much sorrow and suffering to a true 
 and noble man. But, dear, I never meant it ; 
 yet how weak and shallow those words look 
 and sound. No matter what I meant— this I 
 did in my foolish, selfish, cruel thoughtlessness 
 — made another suffer agony. I feel as if I 
 could never forgive myself. Oh ! my own, how 
 I want you near me, here, just beside me to let 
 me tell you all. Don't you know I am suffer- 
 ing, love ; don't you know I want you ? I can 
 scarcely bear this pain and must tell you all the 
 grief that is gnawing at my heart. I who love 
 you deeply, deeply, let another suffer for the 
 want of me. Where were my eyes, oh ! my 
 husband, that I did not see what was coming, 
 what was patent to all beholders ? 
 
 Dearest, in my cruel egotism, thinking only 
 of my love for you, I was regardless of all others. 
 My eyes were holden and I could not see. This 
 
186 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMA>i 
 
 disaster — the punishment meted out to my self- 
 inflicted bHndness — but the deepest woe of all, 
 that the cruel nemesis should descend on an- 
 other's head. I still have you and belong to 
 you and my cruel heart even now, bounds with 
 joy that you still live and love me and that soon 
 I can rest my weary, tired self in your arms and 
 you will listen, listen to my woes and gently 
 answer, showing me where I made mistakes 
 and soothing all my troubles till like a tempest- 
 tossed fluttering bird, I rest quietly in my nest 
 — your heart. 
 
 Dearest, yet I have not told you all ; the 
 saddest and yet perhaps the best for him, is yet 
 to come. Oh, my dear, how can I write the 
 words I must. They look so cold and hard on 
 paper. I want to hide my head upon your 
 heart and there, without looking up, sob 
 out all this dreadful tale. Then, perhaps, a little 
 ease would come. 
 
 Two days passed after Sir Lionel left me on 
 that fateful night, and I heard nothing. His coat 
 remained in the hall and I hated to pass it by. 
 It seemed an avenging dumb thing pointing to 
 me as the author of its master's woe, Lily, 
 sweetest, best of women, stayed with me and 
 reasoned with me, telling me I must not take it 
 as I did. That I was not to be blamed, I could 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 187 
 
 not help being- just myself and that this I had 
 been always and should be — true to myself and 
 you. ** This " she said, " is certain, no husband 
 should be separated from his wife, especially 
 such a one as you, dear, and I intend to write 
 to Harry if he wishes to keep other men from 
 loving you and letting your dear self fall into 
 trouble he had better quit the navy and stay at 
 home looking after his own. What does the 
 navy mean ? Does it wish to upset homes and 
 bring woe to honest peoples' hearts ? They 
 should let you go, dear, and stay where you are 
 meant to be, just alongside of dear Harry. I 
 dare say you will bring trouble there, too, but 
 there is where you have got to be and must 
 stay." Even at the direst moment Lily sees 
 the humorous side, but she is so kind and sweet. 
 As we were talking Mr. Wood came. He 
 looked sad and stern. We both jumped up 
 and exclaimed, "What is the matter?" He 
 answered, " Sir Lionel is ill ; very ill with pneu- 
 monia, at times he is delirious, and," turning to 
 me, " calls for you constantly. At times he is 
 conscious and knows people about him. Dur- 
 ing one of these intervals he asked to speak to 
 me and then told me if I thought you would 
 not mind, to tell you he thought he was dying, 
 and the greatest favor you could do him would 
 
188 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 be to let him see you for just one moment, so 
 that he could enter into that land beyond with 
 the sweet remembrance that your face was the 
 last he had seen on this shore and that you had 
 smiled your forgiveness for his reckless words 
 and the pain he had given you. He could not 
 die unless you said, ' I forgive you ! ' " 
 
 Mr. Wood had a carriage at the door and 
 asked Lily to come with me. Dearest, of course 
 I went. I knew you would wish it and say it 
 was right. But, dear, I was fairly strangled 
 with grief, this great good man suffering so for 
 me and asking my forgiveness when I felt I had 
 so much to be forgiven. Fortunately we found 
 Sir Lionel in one of his conscious moments, but 
 very, very weak. The nurse drew me aside and 
 said, " Madam, try to control yourself and be 
 very gentle and quiet with my patient, give in 
 to everything he says for his life is fast ebbing 
 and it may be he has only minutes yet to live. 
 For a moment I felt choked ; then a quiet came 
 upon me and I knew I could face anything, 
 even death ; I must not falter in this the most 
 trying moment of all my life. I would not be 
 the woman you or anybody could love if I could 
 not give the comfort needed by a dying man. 
 So with steady steps I walked over to the bed- 
 side and leaned over Sir Lionel's head. 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 189 
 
 It was terrible ; he looked so wan and mar- 
 ble-like, I scarcely knew his face, but as I looked, 
 his eyes opened and a smile so beautiful and 
 still lit up his face as he recognized me. He 
 tried to take my hand in his feeble grasp and 
 whispered, " Please forgive me." I could have 
 screamed with pain at this, his deep unselfish- 
 ness, forgetful of all but me even in this hour 
 of death. I threw myself upon my knees and 
 leaned over his proud and noble head and kissed 
 him, saying, " Forgive ! There is nothing for 
 me to forgive, only this : I ask your forgive- 
 ness and your parting blessing, which I shall 
 value all my life as the greatest gift you, my 
 truest friend, could give." 
 
 A light came over his face and with super- 
 human strength, he seemed to raise himself and 
 said these words : " God bless you, and keep 
 you. I thank Him for the privilege that He 
 vouchsafed me in letting my poor unworthy 
 self own you for a friend, and pass a few months 
 of this weary life near you. Give this message 
 to your husband, tell him to keep you and love 
 you and hold you dear, as I know he does, and 
 that when he and I meet on that shore upon 
 which my feet now stand, he can tell me what 
 I would rather hear than possess all the joys 
 of the eternal kingdom, * I filled her life with 
 
190 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 love and happiness.' " With these magnificent, 
 unselfish words, he sank back upon the pillow, 
 dead. 
 
 Dearest, how I got home, how the rest of the 
 day was passed is all a dream to me. As I look 
 back upon those few days after Sir Lionel's 
 death they seem a hideous nightmare. A quiet 
 little funeral took place at his rooms, his family 
 sent for his remains and 'they have been for- 
 warded to England. Oh, my darling, to think 
 how near joy and sorrow meet in this world. I 
 am going to you, the very centre of my life and 
 being, and yet that awful sorrow stands so near 
 me, the pain I gave another. Ah, my dearest, 
 I must hide myself in you and you must keep 
 me ever near you. I feel almost wicked at the 
 joy that fills me when I know day after to-mor- 
 row I sail to join you. Oh the longed for 
 blessed meeting. Of course Lily and Mr. 
 Wood would not think of a large wedding 
 after Sir Lionel's sad death, and were married 
 yesterday quietly with just a few friends. They 
 left in the afternoon for the West. 
 
 Lily and I could hardly speak when we 
 said not good bye but "auf wiedersehen," and 
 to-night I feel so very lonely without her, my 
 dearest and best of friends. We are to write 
 often and just as soon as we can we are all, you 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 191 
 
 and I, Lily and Mr. Wood to arrange to meet 
 in some charming spot. 
 
 Dearest, the joy of my heart and crown of 
 all my desires is to be granted ; I am to be 
 with you, dear, always — always. 
 
 Yours. 
 
192 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN 
 
 LETTER XXXV. 
 
 Dearest Lily : 
 
 To think I am really here with the joy of my 
 life, my best, and truest, and dearest of hus- 
 bands. As he clasped me to his heart I think I 
 never .saw a deeper or more thankful expression 
 on any man's face. 
 
 " I thank God I have you at last," he said, 
 " I never mean to let you leave me again, I can- 
 not let you go, you must not be allowed to 
 get into these awful troubles all by yourself. 
 Who could help loving you ? No man worth 
 the name, but you are mine and I must protect 
 my own. To think you are really mine, and 
 that I hold you here, within my arms, fills me 
 with the deepest joy, and I thank God for this 
 — the greatest blessing a man could have, to 
 have and hold you for his own." 
 
 Dear Lily, you can now enter into my joy 
 and understand how happy I am beyond all 
 words. I talk, talk, and I think I never will 
 stop, but then you see I have the most splendid 
 of listeners who never tires. I see his dear face 
 smile as he listens and his arms tighten round 
 
CONCERNING LOVE AND OTHER THINGS. 193 
 
 me and sometimes he starts and says, " Is it 
 true, I have you once again ? Thank God it is 
 so, and this I know, you shall never, never leave 
 my side more ; you shall have the most careful 
 of watchers now, my darling." I smile and sigh 
 and rest content upon his shoulder, knowing as 
 I never knew before what that peace beyond 
 all understanding means. That perfect joy and 
 sympathy that exists between the hearts of true 
 lovers. 
 
 Dear, now for my little piece of joyful news. 
 Harry, as you know, knows much about civil 
 engineering, and the government has much 
 need of his services in this direction, and so 
 has asked him to resign his sea life and under- 
 take some engineering work for them. This he 
 has accepted and he says I can always be with 
 him, living not far distant from his work. I may 
 often have to rough it, but what of that. We 
 will be together and there where he is my home 
 is, always, and must be the sweetest and best 
 place on earth. 
 
 Dearest Lily, your letter pleased me so, and 
 I am more than content to know you are so 
 happy. This I knew — you would be, for the 
 power of loving is so great within you, and 
 what a blessing to a man you are. No one is 
 half good enough for you, but this I feel sure 
 
194 SOME LETTERS OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN. 
 
 of — Mr. Wood comes nearest my require- 
 ments for you, and he I know will make you 
 happy and bring your life that sweetest of all 
 joys — the love of a true man. 
 
 Dear, I am to have what I have longed for so 
 often, a trip through Italy and the East with my 
 husband. He is to have a few months' holiday 
 before he begins work and we intend to enjoy 
 ourselves to the full. What a delight it would 
 be if you and Mr. Wood could join us. Think 
 it over, dear, for I know we would have the 
 most perfect of times. 
 
 Dearest, I hear my husband calling me ; we 
 are going for a drive, so I must close, but know 
 this always, you are my best and warmest friend 
 and no one else can fill that spot in my heart ; 
 and I thank you most heartily and grate- 
 fully, for all you have been, and are in my life. 
 Give my warm love and remembrance to Mr. 
 Wood. 
 
 As ever j'^our sincerest friend, 
 
 Genevieve. 
 
 THE END, 
 
my 101902 
 
L BRARY OF CONGRESS f;-^^ 
 
 ,11111 ^