Class "?S 3S l 3 Book. . R^ lLg" Copyiightls!? i ^X\ COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. LIGHT WEIGHTS LIGHT WEIGHTS By MANTA S. GRAHAM THE CORNHILL PUBLISHING COMPANY BOSTON Copyright, 1921, By THE CORNHILL PUBLISHING CO. Copyright, by Manta S. Graham, as dramatic composition, " The Goose" "The Trend," "Two's Company," " A By- Product," and "Allied Occupations." All rights reserved, in- cluding that of translation into foreign languages. Printed in the United States of America THE PILGRIM PRESS BOSTON JAN 30 1922 ©CLA654531 CONTENDS PAGE The Goose , 3 The Trend ....... 23 Two's Company 41 A By-Product 63 Allied Occupations , 79 THE GOOSE CHARACTERS: Adelaide Simmons, Horace Simmons, Henrietta. SCENE: Adelaide Simmons' Boudoir. THE GOOSE The walls of the room are soft gray. The hangings and upholstery on the dressing table bench, the chaise longue and a rocker are gray brocade relieved by touches of Chinese blue in the curtain cords and cushions. A door right leads into a hall, a door left leads into a bed- room. Adelaide Simmons is seated at the dressing table upstage right. The strength of Adelaide's character is revealed in her strong, beautiful face and hep dignity of bearing. The blue crepe de chine dressing gown which Adelaide wears is devoid of furbelow; its charm lies in the richness of the material and in the perfection of the lines on which it is fashioned. , Adelaide does not comb out her curled, black locks with assurance; she confesses her misgivings about the effect by frequent glances in her mirror. From the bedroom left Horace's voice floats in complaint. Horace : I don't want to go anywhere tonight. Adelaide: I accepted the invitation, Horace. {Horace appears in the doorway, he leans against the frame lazily.) We can't regret a dinner at this hour; it's almost six o'clock now. Horace: I'm too tired to spend a whole evening at one of the Baker's dull dinners. Can't you get us out of it? 4 LIGHT WEIGHTS Adelaide: I'm sorry, dear, Mrs. Baker couldn't pos- sibly fill our places — Horace: Darn the luck, Adelaide, why did you accept in the first place? Adelaide: We refused their last invitation; I can't offend them. Horace: Why would they be offended? they'd be two dinners to the good; they invited us, their duty's done; we can't go — we stay at home in peace. Adelaide: If you had told me last night or even this morning. Horace: You ought to know I never want to go to Bakers.' He hasn't had a new story for twenty-five years. (He lounges on the couch). Adelaide : I don't really want to go, Horace — Horace: Let's stay home then; I don't want to go, you don't want to go; the Bakers are probably having us from a sense of duty, we're fools to think of going. Adelaide (Goes to Horace, she kisses him on the forehead, she assumes a playful manner that does not suit her, and is obviously out of character.) We'll des go tonight, nex' time Addie will have excuse. (Horace looks at her in amazement). Never mind, Horrie, dear. Horace: Horrie! you — what the — you don't call me Horrie — Adelaide (Strokes his hair). Nice Horrie, nice — Horace (Sits on the edge of the couch) : Great Scott, Ade- laide, don't try to be kittenish, you can't, you're — you're too big. (Adelaide turns away, she goes back to the dressing table, she is reinvested with her accustomed dignity. Horace THE GOOSE 5 watches her pin a lock of hair over her forehead; he leans forward to scrutinize her. What the dickens you done to your hair? Adelaide (Gathers the curled locks in her hand). I — don't watch me, Horace — Horace : I never saw you look frowsy — I can't bear frowsy women, Adelaide — Adelaide: I'm trying my hair a new way. I'm tired doing it that way six years, ever since we were mar- ried. — I thought you might be tired of it yourself. Horace: No, I like it. These frizzes don't suit your dignity. Some women can get away with them — Adelaide : They must be small — Horace : Yes, and — Adelaide : The hair should be light — Horace: Yes, I think it should. (He watches Adelaide as she attempts to arrange a low coil). You aren't actually going to leave it that way, are you? Adelaide: Yes; you'd better dress, Horace. Horace : You have too much sense to — Adelaide : Wait until you see the result. — Occasional changes are good policy, even in coiffures — Horace : Adelaide, so few women can wear their hair in that braid, it's like a crown on your head, suits you exactly; it's classic and chaste — Adelaide: Sometimes I think it is possible to be too chaste — Horace : Adelaide Simmons, what — Adelaide: At dinners, I mean. (Horace stares at her blankly). The world in general is so black — 6 LIGHT WEIGHTS (She turns around in her chair). Did you ever see a classic, chaste woman who was interesting at a dinner? Horace: Now look here Adelaide, don't be cynical, it doesn't suit you. Adelaide: You must get dressed, Horace. Horace : (Stretches his length on the couch). Can't you go without me? Adelaide: No, I can't, Horace, one widow at a dinner party is enough. (Horace is interested). I would have no chance at all competing against Mrs. Cuthbert — (In the mirror she watches the effect of her words on Horace, who doesn't realize she can see him). Horace (Disguises his pleasure, he yawns, he sits on the edge of the couch) : I suppose I'll have to endure the torture tonight. (He stretches). This acceptance ought to give us leeway for regrets next time. (He gets up with affected leisure). Is this a young crowd tonight? Adelaide: Not entirely — Horace: I thought since Mrs. Cuthbert was going — Adelaide: Oh, yes, Mrs. Baker said she had noticed how much the men enjoy Mrs. Cuthbert. Horace: Don't women like her? Adelaide: Well enough I guess — Horace : Funny how women act to each other — Adelaide (with feigned innocence): When the other woman is young, good looking and a widow — Horace : Yes. Adelaide, you're the only woman in this THE GOOSE 7 town who has given Mrs. Cuthbert a square deal — she's lonesome. Adelaide (Jumps up) : Lonesome ! Horace: Yes, the women in general have given her a pretty cold shoulder. I'm proud of the way you've gone ahead disregarding unjust public opinion. That poor little girl has had an awful life — (Adelaide lifts her eyebrows). Her husband was a — a miserable rotter — Adelaide, she has had to put the bounder to bed many a time. Adelaide: Did he drink? Horace: Yes. She tried to shield him from his father, a hard old son-of-a-gun who threatened to disown Cuthbert if he didn't stop drinking. Mrs. Cuthbert put up with that for two years — Adelaide : You have the facts of the .ease, Horace — Horace: The poor little girl was so blue the last time she was here, she confided in me — Adelaide : I thought Mr. Cuthbert divorced her, that's the general impression. Horace : He did, the contemptible — schemed around until he turned the evidence against her, I never felt so sorry for any one. Adelaide : You must dress. (She leads him to the door left). Horace: Isn't it damnable, Adelaide, the law's rotten to the core, an innocent woman has no redress — she can be smirched — Adelaide: Your things are all laid out on the bed. (She pushes him through the door and closes it, she leans against the door, strokes her hair, goes to the dress- ing table, gazes at the reflection, she arranges the coi of her hair, looks at it in the hand mirror, takes it down 8 LIGHT WEIGHTS tries another which also misses her approval, she goes to the door right) . Henrietta, Henrietta. Henrietta (Outside) : Yes, Miss Ad'laide. Adelaide: Can you leave the children for a minute? I want you to help me. (Henrietta, a colored nurse, enters right. Adelaide sits at the dressing table). You remember Mrs. Cuthbert, don't you, Henrietta? Henrietta: Little woman? Blon'? (Adelaide nods). Yes'm, I remembahs her allright. Adelaide: Did you notice her hair? Henrietta: Yes'm. (She laughs). Looped way down over her years, bangs in the front, standin' up on top. (Henrietta accompanies her description with appropri- ate gestures). You know what that Miz Cuthbe't r'minds me of, Miss Adelaide? (Adelaide shakes her head). A buff cochin hin, all feathers an' no meat. Adelaide (Laughs) : Help me do my hair like hers, Hen- rietta. Henrietta: Aw, now, Miss Ad'laide, honey, you don' wan' look — Adelaide : Yes I do. Henrietta: You don' wan' to cover up your nice white forehead; hit so intelligent. Adelaide: I don't want to appear intelligent tonight. Intelligence and dignity aren't the best of dinner assets. Intelligent and dignified women are always lonely at dinners. You make the knot — Henrietta : Laws, lawsy me, Miss Ad'laide I ain' fit for THE GOOSE 9 nuthin' but tendin' the babies, I cain' — I don' know how to do up hair — Adelaide: Make a nice soft knot. Henrietta : (Does the best she can with frequent glances into the mirror to watch the effect). Excuse me. Miss Adelaide, you don' look like you- se'f — Adelaide : Good ! I don't want to — I think I need a change in my looks — Henrietta: Oh, no you is de — Adelaide: Henrietta, I've worn my hair that way so long. — If I let it hang I believe it would do itself in a coronet braid. — Henrietta: That a nice way to do up hair. Not every- body can do they hair that away. — Miz Cuthbe't she ain' got 'nough. Adelaide: Henrietta, she seems to have an abundance. Henrietta : Hit too short — Adelaide (Laughs) : Now, Henrietta, you must be prej- udiced. Henrietta: I reckon Henrietta knows when hair's fast on a haid — Adelaide: You must admit that Mrs. Cuthbert makes a good appearance, — she knows how to dress. Henrietta: Yassum, yassum, she know how to dress, that what I say, all feathe's. — Miz Cuthbe't, she's a woman I neve' could learn to care 'bout. Adelaide (Studies Henrietta's result in the hand mirror). To tell you the truth, Henrietta, I don't care much about her myself. — I wonder how she does that knot, it's shapely and firm, but soft, — pull it out a little more; I don't want it to look iron clad. Henrietta (Picks at the knot, she glances anxiously at 10 LIGHT WEIGHTS Adelaide): Miss Ad'laide, what you think mistah Simmons goin' say when he see you lookin' so — so kinda big haided — like? Adelaide: I'll put a net over it. — I don't suppose Mr. Simmons will like it. — At least I'll attract some at- tention to myself — if only to be criticized. Henrietta: Nobody goin' crit'cize you, honey — Adelaide: I don't mind, Henrietta, you know criticism means something — it's more complimentary than indifference, — (She puts on a hair net, reflecting the while). And easier to bear. — Oh, Henrietta, I never go to a dinner party that I don't wish I were small. Henrietta: Why, Miss Ad'laide, Honey, you is de bes' lookin' — Adelaide: A woman can be good looking and have no appeal. — I'd like to be small — really tiny. (She laughs tremulously). Small enough to dare be kit- tenish — Henrietta: Yes'm? (Henrietta does not understand). Adelaide: So much is expected of a big woman. For once in my life I'd like to look up to some one, there's no appeal in a level glance. It is returned by one equally level. I always miss that something infin- itely tender in the downward glance. — Dignity! A tall woman must not forget it for one moment — Any simple pated little numskull walks away — Henrietta: Yes'm, Miss Adelaide, dat's de truf. I've noticed dat 'bout men. Afte' all my th'ee husban's I learn men do be cu'ious folks. (Adelaide gets a bottle of liquid powder, a puff, a box of rouge and an eyebrow brush from the drawer. Henri- etta's eyes widen)* THE GOOSE 11 I neve' see them things on you* table befo', Miss Ad'laide. Adelaide: No, you never have, Henrietta, you may never see them again either, depends on how this experiment works. (She shakes the boitle of liquid powder, applies it to her face, hands the puff to Henrietta, lowers her dressing gown). Be sure my skin is all covered. I must not have my own shade cropping out in unexpected places. (Henrietta applies the puff diligently. Adelaide ap- plies rouge to her right cheek). How's that? Henrietta (Shakes her head). You couldn' make you'- se'f look ugly, Miss Adelaide, but you suttinly don' look like you usually does. Wha' for you put on dat? Adelaide: I'm utterly lacking in color — Henrietta: Yo' nice white skin, jes' like a lily, better'n ol' painted — Adelaide: If it didn't have to compete with this, (she waves her hand toward the make-up) there might be hope for me. In a contest of real skin against real skin mine could stay in the running — . Oh, Hen- rietta, I'm afraid my colorless skin is like my charac- ter — look at this room, all cold, not a curve, no warmth. — I must be a little more vivid — (She puts the rouge on the other cheek, then covers the whole with a final dust of white powder). I'm as awkward as a duck at this business, anyone can see that. I'm new at it. — I do look different. Henrietta: Yes'm you does. Adelaide (Brushes the powder from her eyebrows). I 12 LIGHT WEIGHTS couldn't do this more than twice a week, it takes too much time — Henrietta (Watches Adelaide struggle with a lip stick). Miss Ad'laide, honey, that too much bother; don* you use hit. Adelaide (Strokes her lips with determination). Tonight I'm trying an experiment, Henrietta. I can't do it by halves. I hope to be as other women are. (She rises, takes another look in the mirror, picks up the rouge box). Henrietta: You ain' goin' put no mo' on, is you? Adelaide: I must have plenty of color; I expect to wear — my gown is rather daring for me. I sha'n't wear white as usual, it makes me look larger than I really am. (She touches each cheek). Mrs. Cuthbert says a woman can wear any color if she puts on enough paint. Horace (Enters left; he is dressed in evening clothes). Are you ready, Adelaide? Adelaide: In a minute. Put these things away, Hen- rietta. Horace: Since we have to go, we don't want to be late. — How would it be for us to call for Mrs. Cuthbert? Adelaide (Hurrying to the door left) . We can drive past, she may be gone. Horace : I thought you'd be ready — Adelaide : I only have to slip into my dress and slippers. (Exit). Horace: That's just like a woman, Henrietta, hustled me like the dickens and isn't ready herself. (He strolls upstage, Henrietta has cleared away every THE GOOSE 13 trace of make-up except the eyebrow brush and the liquid powder. Horace picks up the brush). What is this thing? Henrietta: Miss Ad'laide brush her eyebrows. Horace : (Rubs his finger over the bristles) : Anything on it? Henrietta : Mistuh Simmons, you think Miss Ad'laide got to put stuff on her nice, shiny eyebrows? Horace (Tosses the brush to the table, picks up the bottle of powder, reads the label and price) : Henrietta, what's — ? Henrietta : I specks that's face powda. Horace: A dollar seventy-five, that's a hold-up. There's probably a nickel's worth of chalk filled up with water. Henrietta: I reckon Miss Ad'laide am' goin' to pay a dollah semty-five for a nickel's worth — Horace: (Reads) Magical beautifier! Such bunk! She won't put any of that stuff on. (Henrietta con- ceals a smile behind her palm). It's a crime the lines that are put out to catch women's vanity. Poor fools, what do they think they gain? Henrietta: The noticin' of gen'lemans. (She watches the effect of her words on Horace). Horace: If the poor, misguided fools only knew what men think of paint and powder — Henrietta: Does de gen'lemans know when ladies is painted an' powdahed? Horace: Course they do, why Henrietta, I can tell a painted woman a block off. (Henrietta bends a keen glance on Horace, she puis the powder and eyebrow brush in the table drawer). There's something about the way they act that gives 14 LIGHT WEIGHTS them away. I wouldn't have my wife — that's a thing I'll never have to worry about. Henrietta: No suh, Mistuh Simmons, no suh. Horace: I hate the whole artificial practise. I wouldn't take a step outside the door with my wife if she were painted. I'm lucky — Henrietta: Yas, suh, Mistuh Simmons, you is. Horace: When I see the frivolity and foolishness some men have to put up with I thank my lucky stars for my sensible wife. Adelaide (Steps just inside the door left. She is dressed in American Beauty taffeta, very extreme in cut) : Henri- etta, I can't reach one hook. (Henrietta crosses to fasten the hook, she shields Ade- laide from Horace, then hurries out right shaking her head ominously. Horace looks in the mirror, straight- ens his tie, Adelaide preens her puffs): How do you like me, Horace? Horace ( Turns) : Why ! why, Adelaide ! (He crosses the room staring at her). You — you wouldn't wear a — a red dress — Adelaide (Smiles) : No, — Horace — I wouldn't wear a red dress; this is American Beauty. (She pulls the puffs out over her hips; she advances around the couch awkwardly as one unaccustomed to high heels; she stops midstage and turns for inspection) : Do you like it? Horace (Brushes his hair from his forehead, he sits on the couch) : Adelaide, I — I can't bear to look at it — Adelaide: Why not, Horrie? Horace: Horrie! what possesses you to call me that silly — ? Adelaide : I thought you liked it. THE GOOSE 15 Horace: I certainly don't. {He rises). Take it off, Adelaide. Adelaide : I don't want to — why don't you like it, Horrie? Horace: {Clinches his fist impatiently). It looks — it is tough — plain tough — Adelaide {Highly amused) : Horace Simmons ! Horace: It is — it's having an awful effect on you, too — Adelaide : I've only had it on about a minute — Horace: I've heard that bright colors affect the charac- ter — Adelaide: Surely it hasn't demoralized me so soon. Horace {Squints at her face): You never looked like this before — Adelaide: How do 1 look, Horrie? ^ Horace: Brazen! {He fairly explodes the word). That red reflects on your face — if I didn't know you would- n't do such a thing I'd say you were painted — Adelaide: Oh, no ? Horace! Horace : That was going a little strong, excuse me, Ade- laide, you are flushed — Adelaide: Indeed I'm not. — I'm surprised that you don't like the gown. I must have been mistaken in thinking you had developed a penchant for bright colors lately. Horace : You certainly were. — Put on something soft and white like you always wear — {Adelaide shakes her head) then you'll be yourself again, your own pure self. Adelaide, I'm almost convinced that clothes make the woman — Adelaide: It's late now, I'll wear this tonight, and never again — 16 LIGHT WEIGHTS Horace ( Tries gentleness) : Adelaide, darling, you are a mother, would you want our children to see you in an outfit — Adelaide : I won't let them see me, Henrietta is putting them to bed. Horace (Examines the dress) : Red ! — no back, why Ade- laide, you can't see how it is in the back, not two inches above your belt — Adelaide : But see how wide the belt is, Horrie, dear. Horace : Adelaide, Adelaide, take it off, the thing would send you to — I wouldn't let you wear it where any- one would see you for a thousand dollars — Adelaide: What's the matter with it, Horrie? Horace (Drops in the rocker) : The whole thing's off, the color — Adelaide : I lack color and warmth — Horace : The style of it, you never wear things running round — Adelaide: The cross panels take from my height, the puffs, too. Horace: I want you tall, tall and stately, you know I can't bear short women. Adelaide (Drops to the couch) : Horace Simmons ! (She taps a shapely French heeled slipper). Horace (Jumps up, staring at her feet). What have you got on your feet? Adelaide: Slippers, Horrie dear. I'm through with flat boats. I am not ashamed to stick, these out, see how shapely my foot is ! Horace: Those stockings! they're — they're vulgar — Adelaide: No, Horace, they aren't. Mrs. Cuthbert picked them out for me. She said you liked hers. Of course her feet are smaller — THE GOOSE 17 Horace : (Again assumes a sanctimonious air) : Adelaide, my dear, you hold an exalted position in this com- munity, you are revered; I want our children to grow up knowing they have a mother whose — Adelaide (Rises) : Our children have a father — Horace: Yes, Adelaide would you lose that priceless possession, an unsullied — Adelaide: No, indeed, Horace, I sha'n't tarnish your name — Horace: Of course you wouldn't willingly; Adelaide, if you should go to the dinner looking like this — there are people who would be hurt, it would affect the whole town — Adelaide: You heap a big responsibility on my shoul- ders; I don't flatter myself that I'm important. Horace: Yes, a good woman, a woman above reproach is just that important; she's something men tie to. Don't you see the moral effect of such a character? Adelaide: She is a lonely woman, though, the woman on a pedestal. Horace: But think of her satisfaction — Adelaide : She gets little satisfaction wrapping her cloak of purity about her, while her lover — or her husband is entertained by the painted beauties — Horace: Adelaide, take that dress off, you've been cyn- ical twice tonight — Adelaide: I haven't time to change, we won't be able to call for Mrs. Cuthbert, Horrie dear. Horace: Adelaide, don't! take it off quick, if you wore it a whole evening, you'd go straight to the devil. Adelaide: I'd have a good time going — (Horace goes to her and starts to unhook her dress) : 18 LIGHT WEIGHTS Never mind, Horace; I'll take it off; for the good of the community I'll have to wear white — Horace: Thanks, Adelaide, I knew I could depend on you. Adelaide: Send Henrietta to help me. (Exit Horace. Adelaide sits on the end of the couch, she meditates with her head propped on her hand. Henrietta enters right) : Henrietta get my cream Georg- ette, — quick. (Henrietta hurries out the door left and returns with the dress, Adelaide looks down at the Taffeta). I'd like to wear this — Henrietta: Excuse me, Miss Ad'laide, somehow hit don' look like you. Adelaide : That's the reason I'd like to wear it. I won- der what the effect would be on other men. — I know exactly how Mrs. Cuthbert feels, Henrietta, I know the power — - Henrietta: You don' wan' ac' like Miz Cuthbe't — Adelaide : Perhaps not — it's a satisfaction to know I could, — if I tried. Don't worry, Henrietta; be- tween you and Mr. Simmons I'll never have a chance to test my wings — Henrietta: 01' Henrietta don' unnerstan' you tonight, honey, wha' for you wan' to wear a red dress — Adelaide : I've been lonely, Henrietta, we've had a col- orful personality in our midst. I began to wonder if I hadn't made a mistake to stick so faithfully to my husband's prescription for me; he seemed attracted — Henrietta : You don' need to think a f ummididdle little buff cochin goin' attrac' Mistuh Simmons — Adelaide: Oh, of course she couldn't permanently; a woman like that can make one very uncomfortable. THE GOOSE 19 (Laughs). I heard of a professor once who insisted that his wife go in for dress reform. She did, and he eloped with a chorus girl. I didn't want that to happen in our family. Henrietta: No'm hit won't. Mistuh Simmons loves you too much to set 'fection on a blon'; oP Henrietta knows, she done hear him talk. Miss Ad'laide, honey, you go wash you' face. Adelaide: No, I — Henrietta : You know what you got on hit — Mistuh Simmons say he wouldn' take a step outside de doo' wid a painted woman — Adelaide : He'll never know — Henrietta : Oh, yes he will, he knows painted women a block off — Adelaide: They would have to be painted like barns, Henrietta, he sits beside Mrs. Cuthbert, and doesn't dream that — I shall wear the rouge and slippers, Henrietta — Henrietta: Why you wan' do things Mistuh Simmons don' like — ? Adelaide: I — I suppose I'm a goose, I read a silly squib — Henrietta : What dat you read — Adelaide: It's beneath my dignity to give it a moment's thought — (She rises and walks over to dressing table) . Henrietta (Follows her): What dat you read, you jes tell oP Henrietta, honey — Adelaide: I'm a fool, just a plain fool — (She laughs uncertainly). It said if a woman wanted to hold her husband's affection she'd better study and imitate the women who attracted him. (She sits on the bench). 20 LIGHT WEIGHTS Henrietta : Maybe tha's so, Miss Ad'laide, maybe tha's so — Adelaide: No, Henrietta, a man won't permit his wife to do the things he seems to admire in the women he plays with — he demands perfection ! Henrietta : He shore do, he shore do — Adelaide: Man is so far from perfect himself — Henrietta: Oh, lawdy yes, Miss Ad'laide. Good thing they is — nobody wan' a perfec' man aroun'. x\delaide (Rises and begins to unhook her dress): He would be hard to live with. I suppose the best of men must play — Henrietta (Puzzled): Yas'm? Adelaide : There are times — Henrietta: Lawdy yes, Miss Ad'laide, you knows Ise had a heap uv 'sperience havin' th'ee men, — deys times when all a ma'ied woman can do is " Watch an' pray." Adelaide (Laughs heartily, the tension is broken). I believe you're right, Henrietta. Henrietta: I knows Ise right, "Watch an' pray," — (Adelaide holds up the cream Georgette). Wid blon's, Miss Ad'laide, wid blon's I wouldn' trus' too much in prayer! CURTAIN THE TREND CHARACTERS: George Hedges, Nan Hedges, daughter of George, Arthur Mansfield. TIME: Impending, one Might Almost Say Imminent. PLACE: Hedgerton, a Model Factory Village. THE TREND The Scene — {The back of the stage is occupied by the front of George Hedge's comfortable brick cottage. A broad verandah runs across the entire front of the house, only the entrance door center is roofed. Large windows with curtains draped to the sides are on either side of the door. The house is one which could easily be copied and which has been copied by every workman in Hedgerton. A brick walk flanked by flower beds leads from the verandah to the street. As the curtain rises, a factory whistle blows; Nan Hedges comes from the house and looks off left. Nan is closely built like a trim little leghorn hen. Her brown hair curls softly over her forehead. She wears a fresh print dress cut fetchingly low in the neck and short of sleeve. Like the house, Nan's costume is copied by all the girls of Hedgerton. Nan sees someone coming down the street, she waves her hand in greeting, and in a mo- ment Arthur Mansfield enters. Arthur is rather slight though tall, he looks like an aristocrat in spite of the blue unionalls which he wears. He starts up the walk) . Nan : Oh ! you mustn't come in, Arthur — Arthur: I've made it; I can come in now — Nan: Don't, please don't — Arthur (Stops, skirts a flower bed and leans over the rail of the verandah) : I've broken the record, Nan dear, let me come up, just a minute. (He starts to vault over the rail, Nan pushes him back, he catches her shoulders and kisses her, she draws back) . Nan: You must not kiss me here, — the men might see you — and tell him. 24 LIGHT WEIGHTS Arthur : I have something to tell him and show him that gives me the right. Just one, Nannie — Nan (Looks anxiously down the street) : He might be coming. Arthur: You don't realize I've broken the record in nuts. — Your father has no other objection to me — Nan : I hope not. — He's very particular. Arthur : He said if I made good in this department — Nan : He was sure you couldn't — Arthur (Moves to leap again, Nan pushes him down): But I have — I caught 679 on the fly — Nan: 679! Arthur: Didn't miss a one. (Fumbles in his pocket, produces a slip) : Old Atchison signed it. Nan (Sits on the railing) : Quick ! (Arthur snatches a kiss). Arthur : If he asks for more than this he's a — a — Nan : Yes, he is a — a — Arthur : A — a tough old nut. Nan: That's just what he'll be — Arthur: I've done more than he asked for; he didn't say I had to break the record. Nan: He's so ambitious for me. — He likes you, dear, I know he does down deep in his heart. — He's afraid of — your blood. Arthur: That's it. (He kicks at the sod). Hang it all! Why couldn't my old boys have worked ! Nan : If you could find one or two — I believe he would be willing if one of them hadn't employed labor. Arthur: Your father says they were not oppressors. (He backs against the rail, looks the picture of despair). Only a few years ago he would have been tickled to death to have a daughter marry a Mansfield. THE TREND 25 Nan: That's so. Times have changed. Labor has come into its own. {Coyly). Now the Mansfield would be tickled to death to — Arthur (Whirls and catches her hand) : You bet he would be. The Mansfield would be tickled to death to marry George Hedge's daughter. (Clings to her hand): Sweetheart, can he hold out against this? (Taps his paper). Nan : I don't see how he can. (She draws away and looks at Arthur critically) The trouble is you still look like an aristocrat. Arthur: How can I? Nan: It's in you. Arthur: If anything could make a man look like every other man in the factory it's these unionalls. Nan: They don't disguise you. Clothes don't seem to make much difference with you. It's the way you hold your head up — (Arthur hangs his head). Don't — That's why I like you, Artie dear; it's against you with dad, though. He says you look and talk and act like all the rest of the Mansfields. Your hands are soft — Arthur: Look at that, Nan Hedges, they're callous to the bone from those (Swallows an oath) nuts. Nan : I know, dear. It's a shame. You don't belong in twenty-seven; you belong where my dad is. Arthur: He put me in the hardest, most humiliating place in the factory. Sometimes I think I'll blow up if I see another bolt coming. — That's just the time old Atchison shoves 'em along on the double quick — he knows when I'm at the bustin' point — Nan : Dad's put him up to that, he's told him to crowd 26 LIGHT WEIGHTS you because you were doing too well. He was sure you couldn't make good. Arthur : I have, though. If I get you every nut in the whole darn factory's worth it. Nan : Oh, if we can only make him see — you must run along, he'll be coming. Arthur: I want to see him; guess I'll stay. Nan: No, no — it would make him so mad. He thinks I haven't seen you. He would be furious to find you here. Arthur: I'll go home and come right back. I want to give him a slant at this — (Flips his record) : What more could he ask of me? Nan: I wish your hands weren't quite so white. Arthur: (Wrings his hands) I'll soak 'em in grease — Nan: It takes generations to make hands horny. Arthur (Stoops and rubs his hands in the flower bed) : How's that? Nan: Fine! Arthur (Looks at his unionalls): Am I too clean? Nan: I've seen dirtier men. Arthur: I'll touch myself up with axel grease before I come back. Anything else? Nan: Bring some laboring ancestors. (She steps down to the walk) : You must go, dear. Arthur: I've got that woman on my mother's line — Nan: Can she do anything? Arthur: She has good recommendations. One says she used to scare up more famous ancestors for the Daughters of the American Revolution than they knew what to do with. If she is just abreast of the times and knows her job I may find some blood to be proud of too. I'm going to have you in spite of my THE TREND 27 miserable old ancestors. (He puts his arm around Nan). Nan (Shakes him aside): You must run on. He may slip up on us. Arthur : I'll be right back, anything else I should do — Nan: Just run now. (Arthur starts off right) . Look rough and talk tough — Arthur (Laughs): That's it, be rough; act tough. (A door slams). Nan: Hurry, hurry. He's in the garage — (Arthur runs off right as George Hedges is heard coming through the house, he catches Nan at the end of the walk, she is looking off right). George (George Hedges is tall, gaunt, with iron gray hair which he wears rather, long. His piercing gray eyes are overhung by heavy brows. His face is cut after a determined pattern) : What you lookin' at? Nan : Nothing — I George: Thought I heard you talkin' to some one. (Nan moves up the walk). Has that young Mansfield scalawag been up here? (He points to the chairs). Nan (On the steps) : No, he hasn't been up here — George : He's not comin' either — Nan: Not even if he makes good in twenty-seven? George: Can that change his blood? (Nan sits in the rocker left where she can command the right entrance.) (George looks at Nan with mingled disgust and fondness) . Why couldn't you take up with some of the young fellers that are your equal? Nan: I don't know, father. 28 LIGHT WEIGHTS George: Father! don't call me father, sounds like him and his folks — Nan: I didn't mean it dad, it just slipped out. George: Don't you forget who you are. You got a lot to live up to. How'd it sound if any of the men heard the foreman's girl callin' him that. They'd suspect me — they'd think I'm not faithful to the oath. Nan: Sit down, dad; I'll be careful. George (Sits) : You mustn't forget your place and your — your — all you got to live up to. If the president of the Brotherhood ain't true to the colors, who will be? Nan : Nobody can accuse you of not being true — George : No, and they won't have the chance. — Unless you go back on your old dad, Nannie. Nan (Rocks nervously, her father's softened tone is harder to resist than his bluster) : I won't. George: Think what we got here in Hedgerton. Every man with stock in the factory, drawin' out dividends 'stead o' wages! You women all stay at home, the childern go to school, nobody's got more'n anybody else. George Hedge's childern live in just as good a house as Ed Mansfield's. You don't want to ruin it, do you? Nan: No, dad, course I don't; what makes you think I do? George: You'd marry Art Mansfield. Nan : Yes, but — George : He's against us — Nan: He is not. George: You know what he comes from. Nan : Didn't he put on unionalls like the rest of you, and go into the worst department of the factory? George (Reluctantly): Yes — THE TREND 29 Nan: Your own boys wouldn't work there, they said so. — You told him if he made good in twenty-seven — George: Well — course — I'm sure that'll down him — Nan: What if he should make it? George: Dang it! Nan, you know it's the blood I'm afraid of. I want Hedgerton to stand. The only way to make it stay and keep it goin' is to look out for the future. You can't tell when Art Mansfield'll turn back to the ways of his folks. He might not himself, but his childern might or his childern's childern. Them taints is likely to crop out as far as the third or fourth generation. You'd feel awful bad when you're an old woman if your boy should throw down all this, all your old dad worked so hard to build up. You got pure blood in your veins, Nannie; as far back as you want to go you won't find a single taint o' aristocracy. Your great great grandpa Hedges worked in the tin mines o' Cornwall, and every Hedges since him's been a workin' man. That's what you want to think of 'stead o' mixin' with folks beneath you, folks that's been waited on all their lives — Nan : Arthur hasn't been waited on. (She jumps up and confronts her father) : Didn't his father give up every- thing to you and the men when he was little? George: Yes, his pa was the best one of 'em. Nan: You used to brag about how you worked at the same bench with Ed Mansfield. — You was proud to have Arthur come here until just lately. — You have nothing against him. — George: Nothin' against him personally. It won't do to mix with that — that — Nan: Say it dad. — You mean class; you won't say it 30 LIGHT WEIGHTS because the aristocrats used to say it. — If you don't look out, you're goin' to make the same mistakes they made. — You're discriminating against a class right now — . George (Rises, but cowers under Nan's denunciation): No, no, Nannie, don't say that, you know the oath. I want to live up to it — Nan : Arthur Mansfield belongs to the Brotherhood — George: Yes, it's that I'm not sure of him. I'm afraid Nan: He could find work some place else if he didn't believe in the Brotherhood. (She pushes her father into his chair and sits on the arm): Oh, dad he's worked so hard. (She looks over her shoulder fre- quently toward the right entrance). George : If I didn't know all that's back of him — Nan: He works and his father worked until it killed him — George : Back of that every one of 'em had white hands ; other men done the work they ought to 'a done. You know how he looked 'em up and couldn't find a one, not a single man that hadn't employed labor. It's bred in every bone of him — Nan: We don't know about his mother, she died when he was so little. Maybe she come from the right stock — George: I got my doubts. Ed Mansfield's pa would 'a' looked out for her — Nan: All the women say she knew how to work — George: They mean she knew how to have work done for her — Nan: No, Angy Blevin says she got right down on her hands and knees and scrubbed under the stove where Angy'd neglected it — THE TREND 31 George: She might a' done that once. I mind how she come here when her and Ed was married, all fine clothes and fine airs — Nan: Sam Atchison told me he'd never had a better worker than Arthur in twenty-seven, he's got to get it from somewhere. If he could find one or two on his mother's side — (She looks over her shoulder and sees Arthur approach- ing, rises and steps behind her father, pantomimes Arthur to stay back, Arthur waves a long envelope). George (Unaware of Arthur s approach) : If he could dig up a few on her side, there might be some hope for him providin' of course he makes good in the nuts. (He slaps his knee and chuckles to himself. Arthur creeps up, rubs his hands in the flower bed, shakes a little dust over his begrimed clothes, he' slips back to the entrance whence he calls). Arthur: Hello, Nannie. George: What you do'n here, young feller? (George rises and .steps to the edge of the porch, Nan is apprehensive). Arthur: I've come to report, Mr. Hedges. (He extends his hand). George : It's too darn white — Nan: Oh, no, look at it. George (Looks at Arthur's hand): It's soft, then; — I can't stomach a soft hand. (Arthur displays his callouses; Nan steps beside her father). Go on in the house, Nan. (Nan hesitates). Arthur : I believe I can handle this, Nan. Nan (With an appealing look at her father, ivhich he does 32 LIGHT WEIGHTS not see, turns to go, pauses at the door): Rough and tough. George: What'd y' mean rough and tough? (A 7 an hurries into the house). George (Plants himself on the top step, Arthur stands below him and a little to the right. There is a moment of appraising silence) : So you think you can handle me, young feller. Arthur : I meant I could handle the situation, sir — George: Don't sir me, I'm George Hedges. Aint you a member of the Brotherhood? Arthur : Yes, sir. ( Nan in the doorway frantically signs to him). George: You know what to call me; there ain't no "sirs" in Hedgerton — Arthur : Excuse me — George, I forgot for the moment. George: No, you didn't forget, you just can't help it; it's in you. It will crop out. — Go ahead (he chuckles) handle your situation. (Chuckles again). Arthur: Three weeks ago you told me if I could make good in twenty-seven you would consider my pro- posal to marry your daughter. George: Yes. Arthur: Will you look at that? (Hands his record to George, who looks at the paper, he seems suddenly weak, he leans against the porch col- umn, he squints at the paper and then at Arthur). George: Wliat's this mean? Arthur: It means that I adjusted 679 nuts on 679 bolts as they passed me. George: When? Arthur: Today. George: You mean to tell me that? THE TREND 33 Arthur: The record shows it. George: You tell me you screwed 679 nuts on 679 flyin' bolts and expect me to swallow it? Arthur : Yes, — s — George. George (Laughs): You better tell that to the little boys — Arthur: Your foreman signed my record — You can find the bolts in twenty-seven. George : It ain't never been done — Arthur: Yes it has, George Hedges, there's the proof, signed by Sam Atchison. (He starts up the steps). George: Stay down there, I got to think. (He draws the chair near the edge of the porch, Arthur waits at the foot of the steps, Nan appears in the door- way; at length George speaks) . I admit you done well, Art Mansfield. Arthur: Thank — you. George: I didn't think you could. (He looks at the record): That's Sam's hand writin'; I told him to crowd you hard — Arthur: He did. George (Rises, Nan ducks out of sight, George walks to the end of the porch and hack) : I thought I had you. — I didn't think you'd do it — Arthur (Starts up again) : I did, though. If you have no other objection — George: Hold on. — There's other things. The real thing I got agin you is your blood. You come from a long line of aristocrats. Arthur: I've proved to you that I can work, that I'm willing to and can make good at it. You put me in the most menial department of the factory; I've 34. LIGHT WEIGHTS broken the record. Doesn't that wipe out some of the blood stain? George (Walking up and down) : Maybe for now; how do I know it's goin' to last. You're a leader; all your ancestors was leaders; how do I know you ain't here to tear down all I built up? Arthur: I'm not interested in your position, I'm inter- ested in your daughter. — You set this stake for me and I've reached it fairly and squarely. You go back on your bargain and object to my blood and ancestry. Isn't that making class distinction — George: Don't say that; Nan said that, too. Arthur: You command me to stay down here beneath you; — you would like to keep me here, simply be- cause I am descended from a class you used to hate. You swore to tolerate no class distinction in the oath of the Brotherhood. (Mounts the steps). I've regarded your wishes in everything; I've sub- mitted to your humiliations, but I won't be discrimi- nated against. I belong to the Brotherhood; by the oath you owe consideration to me. You have beaten the aristocrats at their own game, you haven't stopped where they stopped, you are an autocrat, George Hedges. George (Backs down the porch, raises a limp hand): Just a minute Art — I — I — don't call me an auto- crat, I — I want Hedgerton to stand — Arthur: You are more of an autocrat than my father ever dreamed of being. You call yourself a foreman, but you are just as much the president ,as my grand- father. You think because you wear unionalls like the men — THE TREND 35 (George drops into a chair). Nothing can be done here without your sanction. If you want this town to stand you've got to give us more liberty. You talk about the factory belonging to the men; it is only a profit-sharing institution like my father suggested. You've even named the town for yourself — George : The boys done that, Art, you helped — Arthur: Yes; I thought you — (He falls back suddenly abashed by his temerity) . I didn't come here to denounce you, sir, I came to ask for Nan. George (Bows his head in his hand) : I was thinkin' of Hedgerton, I ain't got much against you — Arthur : Do you really believe a man, has the right to what he works for? George (Stiffens instantly, Arthur has hit on his pet hobby) : Yes, by thunder, that's all I do believe. Arthur: I don't ask for the machines I have helped to produce. (He goes to the door and draws Nan out). I ask for Nan, because I love her — (Steps to George's chair). She is my desire, I want her just as you wanted your rights in the old days. (George rises, with difficulty controls himself). By the oath you swore to observe I've won her. Can you deny it? George ( Turns his back) : Let me think. — I guess you've beat me — (Nan runs to her father, throws her arms around his neck) . 36 LIGHT WEIGHTS Arthur (Grasps George's hand as he turns) : Thank you, sir. (Pulls his handkerchief out of his pocket to mop his brow and drops the long envelope.) Hello; I forgot this. (Hands the envelope to George). George (Draws out the paper, looks at it, puzzles) : What is the dang thing? Arthur: My mother's family tree. You have com- plained of my impure blood. Look at this. (Points along the different lines.) : I wanted to win Nan on my own, if I could. To tell the truth, I forgot I had this, I got a bit excited. Here's my mother, married to Edward Mansfield. Her father and mother come in here. They lived in Pittsburgh. My grandmother's father comes next, he was a glass blower, his wife, Nancy Arthur, that's where I get my name, was a waitress in the restaurant — George: What's that? Arthur: They, my great grandfather and grandmother were a glass blower and a waitress — George: Just a minute, Art, let me get that. Your great grandpa and ma was working folks — Arthur: I guess rather, you know what glass blowing is — George : Where'd you get this ! Arthur: I had it traced back; it's my mother's line. I wanted to find some good blood somewhere. I'm proud of this — George: I thought you had it in you somewhere. (Nan almost collapses at that). Folks said your ma could work. (Speculates to himself). THE TREND 37 That'll make 'em three-fourths pure. — Three-fourths to the good'll soon down that bad fourth. {He turns and puts Nan's hand in Arthur's as the cur- tain falls) . CURTAIN TWO'S COMPANY CHARACTERS: Mr. Henry Higgins Mrs. Higgins Flossie Gates Minnie Downing Joe Higgins Lisette TIME: Summer 1919. PLACE: Higginsville. TWO'S COMPANY (A play in one act) Scene — The Dining Room of the Higgins Home. (A drop leaf dining table is pushed against the right wall and at the right of the door, which leads to the kitchen. A cupboard of dishes stands at the left of the door. On the cupboard is a band box. A sewing machine stands between two eight paned windows at the back. A wire rack of house plants is drawn in front of a window at the right of a door in the left wall. A clock is on the mantel at the left of the door. A rocker and four straight chairs complete the furnishings. A service flag hangs in one of the windows). (As the curtain rises, Mr. Higgins, ja gray haired man with a short beard and dressed in gray striped trousers with a black and white percale shirt open at the neck, stands on a kitchen chair sounding the wall over the machine with a hammer. Mrs. Higgins is a plump, comfortable looking woman in a light print house dress and blue checked gingham apron. Her hair is parted precisely in the middle. Both Mr. and Mrs. Higgins wear spectacles; Mrs. Higgirts are pushed up on her head. Mrs. Higgins holds an enlarged picture; paper wrappers lie about). Mrs. Higgins: It's got to hang in the middle, Henry. Mr. Higgins (continuing to tap the wall) : Got to have something solid to drive into. — Don't want our Joe to fall down. There she is. (He keeps his hammer on the spot). How's that? Mrs. Higgins (Looks intently): Looks like the &r-aet 42 LIGHT WEIGHTS center. Let's be sure. Wait a minute. (She runs out the door right). Mr. Higgins (Calls) : It's got to go here, Marthy. (Mrs. Higgins returns carrying a broom. She meas- ures it with a cord which she folds to find the center) . Mrs. Higgins : I can't find the yard stick. Let me see — (She measures the wall with her finger on the center of the broom). Mr. Higgins: Can't go anywhere's else. Mrs. Higgins : I wanted to be sure it was right. (She stands the broom inside the kitchen). Mr. Higgins: Can't hold this all day. Mrs. Higgins: That's the right place. The e.x*-act center. (Mr. Higgins drives the nail, Mrs. Higgins hands the enlarged picture of a soldier to him, he hangs it. Mr. Higgins steps down from the ladder, he moves the chair aside and surveys the picture). Mrs. Higgins (straightening the corner of the picture): Aint he beautiful? Mr. Higgins: Sure is. Mrs. Higgins: No wonder the girls 're all foolish about him. (Mr. Higgins puts the hammer outside the door right). Mr. Higgins : Saw Flossie Gates today. Mrs. Higgins (Anxiously): Was she wearin' it? Mr. Higgins : Square over her heart. Mrs. Higgins : Oh, distress ! (She flecks imaginary dust from the picture frame. Mr. Higgins picks up a paper and sits in a straight chair and adjusts an extra pair of ten cent store glasses) . Mr. Higgins: She asked when Joe was comin' home. Mrs. Higgins: What did you tell her? TWO'S COMPANY 43 Mr. Higgins: Said we didn't know oc-actly. Mrs. Higgins: Which we don't — that is we don't know the day and hour. — I wouldn't be surprised to have him walk in any minute. (She gazes at the picture) : I was so afraid it wouldn't get back before he come. (She moves the picture a fraction of an inch to the right) : It's ail right not to tell everything you know. We don't want them girls here when he comes. Mr. Higgins (over his paper): Say not! Mrs. Higgins (Climbs up on the kitchen chair. She holds up a silk handkerchief over the picture; she reads labo- riously) : Suvenir — de — Lor — raine. That's what it looks like. (She drapes the handkerchief over the picture): Look, Henry, aint that pretty? Mr. Higgins (removing extra spectacles surveys the addi- tion to the picture) : Durned if it aint; Mrs. Higgins (fingering and flecking the silk) : Bless his heart always thinking 'bout his mother even way off in France. Just think, pa, Joe can talk French now. Mr. Higgins: Yep, and by gol! Marthy, I bet he learned it from French girls. Mrs. Higgins (Climbs down from the chair) : Shouldn't wonder. (She looks at the picture) : He has a way with him for girls — and I expect French girls is no differ- ent from other girls. (She puts the chair in the kit- chen) . Mr. Higgins: Minnie Downing run out to ask about Joe, too. Mrs. Higgins: Did she have hers on? Mr. Higgins : Yep — same place. Mrs. Higgins (pleating her apron nervously): Distress on them — both of them. (Mr. Higgins resumes his reading, swaying back and 44 LIGHT WEIGHTS forth on the rear legs of his chair. Mrs. Higgins picks up the papers which she folds. She stops and fans her- self with them). Mrs. Higgins (timidly) : Henry — (Mr. Higgins takes off the extra glasses and looks up). Mrs. Higgins: Do you s'pose Joe (She looks at the pic- ture) give 'em to both of the girls? Mr. Higgins (Drops the front legs of his chair to the floor with a snap): N-a-w; bought them theirselves. Mrs. Higgins (winding the cord in a tight ball) : Mattie Baxter says they carried on something terrible at the lawn social after we come home. Minnie accused Flossie of buyin' hers and Flossie accused Minnie — Mr. Higgins: They're both right, I bet. Joe never give ither one of 'em a serious thought. Mrs. Higgins: I hope not; I'd hate to see him marry ither one of 'em. Mr. Higgins: Joe, he never thought about gettin' mar- ried. He just liked to have a good time with the girls. Mrs. Higgins : He never seemed to be goin' steady with ither of 'em. — I'm 'fraid Joe's like his daddy — Mr. Higgins (Laughs a trifle sheepishly, from behind his paper. He says) : Joe beats his daddy ; — I never had two girls wearin' service pins for me at the same time Mrs.Higgins (Puts the ball of cord in a machine drawer) — There weren't a war then. (She teases him): Joe's daddy didn't have two girls makin' lovers' knot quilts at the same time — Mr. Higgins: Now Mar thy ; — (He turns the pages of his paper; then as if inspired he says): Say, Marthy, Joe's daddy didn't marry ither of them girls that made the quilts — did he? TWO'S COMPANY 45 Mrs. Higgins : No, — no, he didn't — Mr. Higgins: Joe'll be the same way; — he aint goin' to come clear home from France and be contented with Minnie Downing or Flossie Gates, ither one. — Minnie's too much like molasses, and Flossie's too much like vinegar. Joe'll want — Mrs. Higgins: It aint that I think Joe'll want them; it's their both wantin' him. Joe never could stand a lot of palaver like Minnie gives a body; — he wouldn't want snappin' ither. I aint worried 'bout Joe wantin' them; — same time they could make him a lot of trouble. — It would be just like Flossie to try to sue him; — she'd know how to do it Flossie would; — she's just smart enough to — Mr. Higgins: Don't worry 'bout 'em. Give 'em rope enough and they'll hang theirselves 'f— Mrs. Higgins: Hope so. (She goes to the window left and turns the plants to the sun) : They're both temper- ish; Minnie in her way and Flossie in hers. Flossie would be a good housekeeper but she'd lead him a dog's life with her snappin' ways. — Minnie'd have him a fetchin' and totin' for her all the time. Her ma has waited on her all her life, hand and foot she's waited on her. — Ruined her for bein' any body's wife. Mr. Higgins : Don't you worry, — nuther of 'em won't be Joe's wife — Mrs. Higgins (Picks dead leaves from the plants. She wipes the window sill with her apron. She peers out the window) : Who's that comin' up the walk? Mr. Higgins (Snatches off his glasses as he goes to the window and looks over Mrs. Higgins' shoulder) : Andy Gates, from the depot — Mrs. Higgins : He's got a yellow en-vel-ope — 46 LIGHT WEIGHTS Me. Higgins: A telegram! Mks. Higgins: From Joe — (She sits in the rocker. She leans back limp) : he's dead, Henry — (There is a rap at the door). Mr. Higgins (Opens the door and takes the telegram. His hand shakes). Give it here, Andy. Andy Gates: Glad Joe's comin' home, Mr. Higgins. Could 'a called you over the phone, but I thought you'd like to keep the message. It's awful late; been held up somewhere. Mrs. Higgins (Straightens up at the tvords. She pulls her spectacles down) : Give it to me. (She looks at the address on the envelope): Yes, that's Joe's writing. (She fondles the message). Mr. Higgins (Still a little shaky) : Read the inside, see what he says — Mrs. Higgins (Fumbles in getting the message out of the envelope. She reads the telegram; then reads aloud): Mr. and Mrs. Henry Higgins — it's to me, too — Mr. and Mrs. Henry Higgins, Higginsville, S. D. Home 5.30 p. m. Big surprise. Joe. (She smooths the paper and looks at it again. Mr. Higgins waits expectantly). Mrs. Higgins: That's what he says, "Home 5.30 P. M." Mr. Higgins: When was that wrote? Mrs. Higgins: How do I know? Mr. Higgins: Don't it say, aint it got a date? (He bends over his wife): Here 'tis, June twenty-fourth, that's today, today's June twenty -fourth. Mrs. Higgins (Looks at her husband and says raptu- rously): Henry, our baby's comin' home! (She cries for joy in the corner of her apron). TWO'S COMPANY 47 Mr. Higgins {Takes the telegram and mutters) : " Mr. and Mrs. Henry Higgins, Higginsville, S. D. Home 5.30 P. M. Big surprise. Joe." Yes, Marthy, he's comin' home. Mrs. Higgins (Rises): Give me the telegram. I'll stick it in here now. (She goes to the picture and starts to put the telegram in the frame) . Mr. Higgins: Let me do it, Marthy. (Mr. Higgins sticks the telegram in the frame of Joe's picture) . Mrs, Higgins: Just as soon as I have time, I'll put it under the glass, so it won't get dirty. (She looks at the clock) : Lawsy, me, Henry, it's most four now, and my baby '11 soon be here. Make me a fire in the cook stove. — I can't get a decent meal on coal oil. (Mr. Higgins starts out). Mrs. Higgins: Wring that rooster Vneck, too. (Mr. Higgins goes to the kitchen; sounds of splitting kindling are heard). (Mrs. Higgins with raised voice): Would you pull it out? (She puts up the leaf of the table). Mr. Higgins (Comes to the door) : B'lieve I would. Joe aint ex-actly comp'ny — Mrs. Higgins (pulling the table out): We'll have never no better nor no grander comp'ny than our baby home from France. — I guess I'll put on a white table cloth and get out the solid silver teaspoons. (She takes a white table cloth from the cupboard, spreads it on the table, smooths out the xorinkles with greatest care and gets out a roll of spoons, also a chamois skin. She goes over to the picture) : My baby almost beat you. (She smooths the telegram): Bless his heart. (She hurries back to the cupboard. Mr. Higgins tiptoes in). Mr. Higgins (cautiously) : Marthy — 48 LIGHT WEIGHTS Mrs. Higgins: The biggest one of them young roosters we penned — Mr. Higgins : Flossie Gates is comin' — Mrs. Higgins: Oh, distress on her! Where is she? Mr. Higgins : Goin' round front — Mrs. Higgins: I won't go to the door — Mr. Higgins {Peers around the plants): I b'lieve I see Minnie down the street — Mrs. Higgins: I won't go to the door; I will not have them here when my baby comes — (There is a rap at the door. Mr. Higgins tiptoes across the room with great strides. Mrs. Higgins stands near the cupboard; she holds her breath. The rapping becomes more insistent. The door opens and Flossie Gates, a rather small girl with sharp black eyes enters. She wears a black taffeta skirt and red georgette waist. She has a sweetheart service pin over her heart, as Mr. Higgins said. Mrs. Higgins starts out the door right, Mr. Higgins is ahead of her) . Flossie Gates: Howdy, Mrs. Higgins. Mrs. Higgins (pausing in the door-way says coolly): Howdy, Flossie Gates. (To Mr. Higgins): Henry, don't you leave me. (Mr. Higgins comes back to the door). Mr. Higgins: Marthy, I better get that rooster — Mrs. Higgins (Commands) : Henry, don't you leave me. Flossie Gates : Andy phoned me as soon as the message come, and I jumped into my clothes and come right over. (She spies the picture, she goes over to look at it) : W 7 hen did it come? Mrs. Higgins: Today. Flossie: Grand! aint it? — Just like him. — Here's the TWOS COMPANY 49 telegram. (She stands on tiptoe to read it) : What you s'pose his big surprise is? (Mrs. Higgins takes the spoons out of their case). Mr. Higgins (from the doorway) : Joe was always wantin' to surprise somebody. (Another rap at the door). Mr. Higgins: There she is (appealingly) : Marthy, I better get that rooster — Mrs. Higgins (sternly): Henry, don't you leave me. (She opens the door) : Howdy, Minnie. (Minnie, a flaxen haired, simpering, languishing type, dressed in light blue with large hat, enters. Minnie also wears a sweetheart service pin over her heart). Minnie : Oh, mother Higgins. (She tries to embrace Mrs. Higgins who draws away) : and father Higgins. (Min- nie trips over to Mr. Higgins and shakes hands with him) . Flossie: Simp! (Chained lightning flashes between the girls) . Minnie: O-o-h — , Flossie (Snaps): Yes! (Minnie removes her heart, she lays it and her bag on the machine). Mr. Higgins: Marthy, I got to get that rooster. (He escapes. Minnie discovers the picture, she gazes at it). Minnie: Oh, mother Higgins, isn't he wonderful? It's too dear with that souvenir he sent you — oh, and his telegram — (Flossie meanwhile sits in the rocker; she punctuates each of Minnie's periods with expressive sniffs. Mrs. Higgins rubs the spoons with the chamois skin, before she puts them in the spoon holder). 50 LIGHT WEIGHTS How sweet to put in the frame — (Flossie shows extreme disgust. Minnie reads). Home 5.30. Big surprise. - Isn't that just like Joey? Mrs. Higgins what do you suppose his big surprise is? Mrs. Higgins: I don't know; he was always wanting to surprise somebody. Minnie: Yes, he was. I knew he would slip in on us — I have been expecting him every day since they landed Flossie: Had to be mustered out. (Minnie ignoring Flossie). Minnie: I was so afraid I wouldn't get my dress finished. (She looks at her dress with satisfaction) : I was sewing on the last hook when I heard he was coming. Flossie (aside) : Like to know how she heard it. Minnie (Goes to the table) : Let me help, dear Mrs. Hig- gins. I'll set the table — Mrs. Higgins: No, I'll set it — Minnie: Please let me set the table for Joe. (Shegoes to the cupboard): How many places shall I put on? Mrs. Higgins (from the kitchen door way) : Three. Flossie (Bends over with laughter) : Good e — nough ! Minnie ( Takes three plates from the cupboard, places them on the table, slips something under one plate). This is to be Joey's place — Flossie : Gosh — she makes me sick ! Mrs. Higgins (Gets a vegetable dish from the cupboard, she stands with it resting against the table). I just got to have some sugar for my cherry pie. S'pose you could get me some, Minnie. Minnie : Certainly, dear. (She looks at her watch) : I won't have time to go to town and get back — I must be here to meet Joey — I'll telephone for it. TWO'S COMPANY 51 Mrs. Higgins: I don't like to ask 'ern to bring just sugar — Minnie: They won't mind — where is the telephone? Mrs. Higgins: In the kitchen. (She sighs deeply as Minnie goes into the kitchen): Flossie, has your ma got plenty of eggs now? Flossie: Think she has. Mrs. Higgins: Could you get me a couple, I need a couple — - Flossie: Sure — {She rises, Mrs. Higgins looks relieved) : I'll call the kid and tell him to bring them over. (Mrs. Higgins sets the dishes on the table as Flossie exits left. Mrs. Higgins flirts her apron first to right and then to left as if ridding the room of something disa- greeable. Outside Flossie calls) : Hoo-hoo, — Jim — Jimmie — Come over here — Mrs. Higgins : Distress on 'em, distress on both of 'em ! Minnie (Enters right): Simpson's said they would be glad to send the sugar, or anything you might care for. They had already heard that Joe is coming. Isn't it wonderful the way good news travels? (Minnie gazes at the picture. Mrs. Higgins takes her vegetable dishes to the kitchen). Flossie (Enters left) : I called the kid, he'll bring the eggs, Mrs. Higgins. Mr. Higgins (Enters right) : I picked him too, Marthy. Minnie: How sweet! I hope Joey takes after his father. Flossie: Nuts! (Mr. Higgins retreats to the kitchen. Flossie whistles and picks at the plant leaves. Minnie is in a deep study, she goes to the cupboard and looks in, goes back to the table). Minnie: Mrs. Higgins, Mr. Higgins, come in quick. (The Higgins came reluctantly). 52 LIGHT WEIGHTS Don't you think we should have a reception for Joe tonight? Mrs. Higgins: I hadn't thought about it — Minnie: Everyone will want to see him; we shouldn't be selfish with him — Mrs. Higgins: I must get my chicken on, you talk it over with Henry. (Exit right). Flossie (before Minnie has time to adjust her simpering lips) : Mr. Higgins, I'll have the reception, — Minnie: You won't, either; I'll have it myself, I've made all the plans — Flossie: When's she had the time, Mr. Higgins? Minnie (Ignores Flossie, but answers her question) : I should say mother is making the plans, we talked it over while I was dressing — Flossie (Goes in front of Minnie) : Mr. Higgins I want you to come to my house tonight to a reception for Joe. (Goes to the kitchen door) : Mrs. Higgins I invite you to a reception for Joe; it'll be at my house. Minnie: What are you doing? (Flossie goes to the door left). Where are you going? Flossie: To ask Brother Campbell to make the address of welcome — (She dashes out the door) . Minnie (Runs to the kitchen) : Mother Higgins, stop her — I want to have it for Joey — what will he think? — She will make a mess of it — she can't do things nicely. Mrs. Higgins (Appears in the door) : I can't stop her — Minnie : Tell her Joe won't go, — tell her I've got the ice cream — Father Higgins please stop her — Mr. Higgins : She's gone — TWO'S COMPANY 53 Minnie : Go after her, — Joe never did like her — he couldn't stand her — please go after her — Mr. Higgins: Go after her yourself, Minnie, beat her to it, cut across the lot. Minnie: Thank you. (Starts to get her hat). Mr. Higgins: Don't stop for your hat; — she'll — (Minnie runs out the door left, Mr. Higgins goes to the window left of the door and watches her) : I got 'em out, Marthy. Mrs. Higgins: You did; or they got theirselves out. (She laughs): How'll Minnie get over the fence in her fine dress? Mr. Higgins: She aint thinkin' about clothes for once. Mrs. Higgins: Don't hardly seem fair to send her across the lot — Mr. Higgins: Y r ou wanted 'em out;" any thing's fair in love or war — Mrs. Higgins: This is love and war both. I'm afraid the war aint over for my poor baby; I'm afraid he's goin' to get more war at home than he got in France — (She peeps over the plants) : Look at Minnie — Mr. Higgins: She's plowin' right through — Mrs. Higgins: With her white shoes, too — I don't care what happens since you got shet of 'em. Now we can see Joe first and post him, tell him how they been actin' so's he'll be ready for 'em. Mr. Higgins (to the picture) : Poor feller, I know what you're comin' back to, 'taint no picnic 'ither. (To Mrs. Higgins) : I used to think I wanted Joe to settle down here — in Higginsville — I aint so sure now — Mrs. Higgins (with traces of tears in her voice) : He'd bet- ter go away. — You see what his life'll be like — he 54 LIGHT WEIGHTS might end up by marryin' one of 'em to get shet of 'em — Mr. Higgins: No, he won't marry one of 'em, by gol; he'll find some way out, or we'll find some way for him; they won't, they sha'n't, by gol, they aint goin' — Mrs. Higgins: What'U we do about tonight? Mr. Higgins : They're dead bent to have a reception — Mrs. Higgins: Which place'll we go to? Mr. Higgins : We won't go no place, the first night Joe gets home — Mrs. Higgins: They'll invite folks — I wish they could tend to their own business — comin' over here when we want to be alone. Mr. Higgins: Wonder if Minnie got acrost the lot; (Goes to the window and looks out) : By gol, Marthy, she's comin' back — Mrs. Higgins: Distress on her. — I won't have her here when Joe comes. — (Starts to the kitchen) : Don't you let her in. (The outside kitchen door opens. Mrs. Higgins turns impatiently): Who's that? (Flossie comes into the dining room) : Where'd you come from? Flossie : I just telephoned from home. He says he will be glad to welcome Joe. Where's Min? Mrs. Higgins: She went to see Brother Campbell, too. Flossie: The nerve of her! — Good joke on her when he tells her I got him first. (Laughs). She'll go home and blubber all over her mother. — Joe'll be glad when he hears what I rescued him from. — He never could stand their palaver — he told me once Min made him feel like he'd had too much Christmas dinner. Mr. Higgins (Through this speech Mr. Higgins has been TWO'S COMPANY 55 looking out the window, he is visibly agitated; he looks to Mrs. Higgins who is fussing with the dishes on the table: he says helplessly) : Marthy, I can't help it — Minnie (flings the door open): I decided to ask Mr. Tinsley; he is a better speaker — Flossie: Cat! Minnie : — than Brother Campbell, and he's always lived here — (Mrs. Higgins flees to the kitchen, Minnie with head high passes Flossie and stands at the kitchen door) : Mr. Tinsley said there isn't a boy in the county he would rather welcome home than our Joey, Mother Higgins, — that's the way every one feels — Flossie: Simp! Minnie: I want you to come early, be there by seven- thirty — Flossie: We'll be ready at seven o'clook — Mrs. Higgins (Comes to the door) : Henry, don't forget to put on your collar and tie before you go to the train; you left them on the mantel — (She goes back to the kitchen) . Mr. Higgins (Puts on his collar, lets the tie hang) : When you get the rooster on, Marthy, come tie my tie — Minnie : Let me tie it — Mrs. Higgins (Runs in, rubbing flour from her hands) : I'll tie it. (When she has tied the tie, she takes the band box from the cupboard) : Wear your best hat, Henry. (She sets the box on the machine and returns to the kitchen) . Minnie (Takes the hat out, hands it to Mr. Higgins): Everybody is fixing up for Joey — Flossie (aside) : She'll make me shoot yet — Minnie (Trips to the kitchen door) : Anything I can do out here? 56 LIGHT WEIGHTS Mrs. Higgins: Not in them clothes. Minnie: I won't hurt them. I'd love to help you get supper for Joey — Mrs. Higgins: You can't, go set down. (Minnie strolls to the picture, then to the window.) Flossie: Mr. Higgins, what you s'pose Joe's big surprise is — Mr. Higgins : Don't know, it might be one of them Ger- man guns — Flossie : Or a — Minnie : Perhaps it's a Paris gown for — Mother Hig- gins— Mr. Higgins: Don't believe Joe'll bring dry goods — Minnie: Hasn't he given you a hint? Mr. Higgins : No — Minnie : He never was good about writing — Mr. Higgins : He writes to us right along — Minnie: I'm so glad, when he went away, he said he would put in most of his time writing to you and Mother Higgins. — I wanted him to — I knew your sacrifice was greater than mine — Flossie: Piffle! — Say Mr. Higgins, it might be the old kaiser's helmet. Mr. Higgins: By gol, that's a good un — Mrs. Higgins (Comes to the door, lifts her glasses to look at the clock) : It's gettin' late, you better go, Henry — Flossie: Guess I'll go with you — Mrs. Higgins: No, you won't — Minnie : I'll go, Mother Higgins — Mrs. Higgins: No you won't; nobody won't go but Henry; Joe wants to see his pa; you must hurry Henry. (She rushes Mr. Higgins out the door; starts back to the kitchen, listens) : I believe I heard a whistle. TWOS COMPANY 57 Minnie : I don't believe so — Mrs. Higgins : There's the train whistlin' — it must be pullin' in — (She runs to the window) : Henry '11 never make it; (She turns on Minnie powdering her nose with a Dorine and patting her hair) : You girls f ussin' has kep' him from meetin' his own baby comin' from France. Distress on the both of you ! (She wipes her eyes with the corner of her apron) : Come all the way from France and nobody to meet him — Minnie (Tries to console Mrs. Higgins, who resents the approach): That's just too bad, Mother Higgins, (glancing at Flossie). She has been so — Mrs. Higgins: It's the both of you — Minnie : You are tired, Mother Higgins — Mrs. Higgins: No, I'm not, and don't you call me Mother Higgins again - — (She exits fight) . (Minnie continues with her toilet, Flossie tucks her waist in her skirt belt all the way round, Minnie is quite absorbed with her reflection in the mirror of her bag). Flossie (Looks out of the window) : They're here — Minnie (Looks over Flossie 9 s shoulder) : Where — Flossie: They're here, Mrs. Higgins; Mr. Higgins got past our corner — Mrs. Higgins (Runs in the room) i Distress on a rock ! — all the way from France and nobody to meet him — Flossie: Who's that woman? Minnie (Opens the door): What woman? Flossie: With Joe — Minnie: I don't see her — Flossie: She's with Mr. Higgins now; she kissed him on both cheeks — Minnie ( Turns into the room) : French ! 58 LIGHT WEIGHTS Flossie: Joe's comin' on ahead — (Joe Higgins, a big soldier bursts into the room, he throws a suitcase and sweeps his mother off her feet, he kisses her again and again, she weeps on his shoulder. Mr. Higgins enters with a young woman. She is pretty, petite and dressed in a trim traveling suit with small hat). She trips over to Mrs. Higgins). Joe : Mother, this is Lisette — Lisette: Ma-ma! (She kisses Mrs. Higgins on both cheeks. Mrs. Higgins is bewildered, she adjusts her spectacles to look at the girl; she looks at Joe). Joe : I brought you a daughter, Lisette is my surprise — (Mrs. Higgins gathers Lisette in her arms, she casts triumphant glances at Flossie and Minnie. Joe spies the girls): Hello, Floss, old girl, how are you? (Shakes hands with her) : Helloo, Minnie, glad to see you — ( The girls are cool) : I want you to meet my wife — (He draws Lisette away from his mother) : Lisette, here are some friends of mine, Miss Gates — (Flossie offers Lisette a limp hand) : Miss Downing — Minnie (Molasses to the end) : I'm so glad to meet you, Mrs. Higgins. — I hope I shall see a lot of you, — Joe — Mr. Higgins and I are such good friends, we grew up together — I wanted to have a reception tonight but Miss Gates has made all the plans — Flossie: Have not! Mas. Higgins: I'll have that reception myself — Mr. Higgins: Good thing you pulled the table out, Marthy, we got real company now — (Minnie puts on her hat; Flossie goes to the door) : Not goin' are you, girls? — Better stay to supper — (Flossie goes out without reply). TWO'S COMPANY 59 Minnie (Takes something from the plate she had desig- nated as Joe's place, she slips it into her hag) : Thanks, no, Mr. Higgins, I can't stay tonight, mother will be expecting me. CURTAIN A BY-PRODUCT CHARACTERS: Benson, a captain in the United States Army Gray, a lieutenant in the United States Army Fred Hauptman, a sergeant major in the United States Army The Prisoner A Guardsman TIME: 1918 PLACE: Back of the American Sector in France A BY-PRODUCT (A tragedy in one act) The Scene — Improvised Officers' Headquarters in a Deserted Farm House. [At the right is a broad and deep fireplace, a chair stands near it; at the back a door; left of the door a window with shutters; between the door and window stands a desk with chair beside it. At the right of the door is a filing cabinet. The room is dimly lighted by candles on the cabinet, desk and mantel.] (As the curtain rises Captain Benson, a sandy-haired, burly, florid fellow stands before the filing cabinet. Lieutenant Gray, an immaculately groomed, small man sits at the desk). Benson goes through the drawers, he shoves the last one in. Leaning on the cabinet, half turned, he says, dejectedly. Benson: Give it up. Gray: Well, I told you. Benson (Faces Gray) : You told me all right, but a whale of a lot of good it does. You tell me how it got out. Gray (With a shrug he has acquired since being in France) : That's simple; either by spy or by traitor. Benson: It shows all our gun positions. The whole sector's in danger. (Strides over to the fireplace and back to the cabinet) : God, I hate to say it. (He pulls the drawers in and out) : It looks like a traitor. (He turns to Gray) : There isn't a man in the company — Gray (Rises and walks in front of the desk): How about the Top Sergeant? Benson: Hauptman! 64 LIGHT WEIGHTS Gray: Yes. Benson: A No. 1 — Enlisted because the Huns handled his father so rough. The old man's been held in Berlin since 1914. Gray (Leans against the desk with his legs crossed; his confidence is irritating): German blood, though. Benson: 100% Yank when it comes to getting Fritzies. Look here, Gray, that boy goes over and puts up a line of Boche talk that leads 'em right out of their own trenches. That's how he got his last stripes. Gray: I know, but blood will out. Benson: T hell with blood. It's — Gray : Our commandant says — (Benson sits in the chair near the fireplace, mutters aside; he has heard too many of the commandant's sayings): that we give the hyphenates too much rope. They have positions of great trust; they are officers in our army. I'm sure you'll find that all trained officers would bar them — Benson: We're not fightin' on paper now, Gray. You shavetails have a lot of theories that don't always work out when you're up against the real thing. Gray: You must admit we are taught discipline. Take this map for instance, if the discipline here hadn't been a little lax — Benson (Jumps up): Lax! Gray : I beg pardon, Captain — Benson: You say Hauptman — Gray: I don't say a thing positively. It just occurred to me that since Hauptman is our sergeant major he's the only other man who has keys. (He nods toward the cabinet). I thought of him particularly because I do not trust one drop of German blood. Benson : His record — A BY-PRODUCT 65 Gray: There are traits that crop out when the Father- land is in a tight place — Benson: I'll bank on Hauptman. — He's on patrol to- night, and I'll lay you he'll bring in some Huns. Gray: That doesn't get the map — Benson: No. — About Hauptman, do you take me — {Gray hesitates) : I'll make it two to one — Gray : You know, Captain, I — Benson: Yes, afraid to back up your talk with a piece of change. (Benson laughs, Gray is less confident). Gray: I hope Hauptman is all right; I've never seen a thing — (During the last two speeches a commotion is heard out- side. Sergeant Hauptman, a big, blonde boy enters. He leads a prisoner by one of the wir.e halters known in the army as a "Come along." Benson: Well Hauptman — (To Gray) : You're lucky you didn't take me. What did I tell you? (Hauptman advances and salutes). (Benson turns his flashlight on the prisoner standing near the door and discovers that the man is in an Ameri- can uniform. Benson turns to the sergeant) : What the devil you dragging in now? Gray (Laughs): Short of Huns tonight, Sergeant? Hauptman (Squints at the uniform, looks sheepish, ignores Gray, addresses Benson) : Caught him red handed, sir, right out here in our trench. There were two of them. I wouldn't have noticed them if they hadn't been having a scrap of their own in Boche. The other fellow got away from me; Sloan is chasing him now. This fellow fell for my line o' talk, so I slapped on a "Come along" and led him in. He's just like ail the 66 LIGHT WEIGHTS rest of 'em, as gentle as a lamb about coming. I don't know about the uniform, sir. Benson: Well, go over him; look out for papers. Go over him extra — (Hauptman leads the prisoner into the light near the fireplace and well down stage, while Benson locks the cabinet. Gray picks up blanks and papers on the desk and puts them in the drawer which he locks. When Hauptman steps into the circle of light the prisoner's whole attitude changes). Prisoner (Throws his arms toward Hauptman) : Mein — Hauptman (Startled looks at the man very closely, he recog- nizes his eyes though the lower part of his face is dis- guised by a stubbly beard. Instinctively he cautions): Sh! (He looks around cautiously; all are occupied) . Prisoner: Fred, mein — Hauptman (Torn between duty and realization of the pris- oner's danger he slams the man's helmet down over his mouth just as Gray looks up) : Careful here, don't you try — Gray: Needn't be so rough, Sergeant. (Hauptman con- tinues his search, finds nothing until he removes a leather puttee, when a piece of crumpled paper falls out. He makes a move to put his foot over it) : I'll have that. (Gray takes the paper, smooths it out): Thought so. Here we are, Captain. (Gray hands the paper to Benson). Benson (Looks at it eagerly) : Thank God, that sector's safe. (He strides over to the prisoner): You dirty hound, you. (The prisoner shrinks from him): In that uniform. — There's just one way out for such bloody dogs as you — (Hauptman leans against the mantel with his back to the audience. Benson turns to A BY-PRODUCT 67 Gray) : Let's see, Lieutenant, it must be about four- thirty these days. Gray; Yes, Captain. Prisoner (Turns first to Hauptman, who rushes to the doory and then to Benson) : I am Amerikan, sir. Benson: You talk a hell of a lot like one. Prisoner (The man's speech is tainted more by the dis- arrangement of his words, direct translations from the German, than by the heavy accent of the German tongue) : I have been held, sir, — four years — only German I have heard — Benson: We don't forget our own language — Prisoner : I svear to you — Benson : Just cut out the swearing. I've got your num- ber. Caught you with the goods — Prisoner: The paper? The paper I have not know — Gray (Benson and Gray both laugh): Good romance, Captain. Prisoner: Oh, sir,. I am Amerikan — naturalized — Gray : Stick to your own guns — Prisoner ( To Benson) : Thirty years I have been natural- ized — Gray: Two-thirds of the prisoners we take are natural- ized Americans. Benson: Yes. (To prisoner): That's old stuff. How long you been fooling round here? How many trips you made in this? (Points to the American uniform) Prisoner: Tonight — first — Benson: Not very smooth, were you? Prisoner: I volunteer for this, sir. (Benson and Gray laugh again). I think now I can give myself up to my — 68 LIGHT WEIGHTS Benson (Silences the man with a scornful gesture) : Say, how the devil did you get that map? Prisoner: I tell you, sir, the map I do not know — Benson (impatiently) : I've had enough of that racket. — There's just one way out for you — Prisoner (Catches Benson's hand): The paper I have not know — Benson: Stand up to — Prisoner: I came with the best spy, mein comrade tonight, — Gray: That's right, blame it on the other fellow — Prisoner : Did I — Should I betray my country — for myself I could not plead, I tell you sir, I svear to you — before God I svear — (He steps toward Sergeant Hauptman) : This boy tells you — (Hauptman looks at the man and then turns away). Benson: Sergeant Hauptman, do you know this man? Hauptman (Faces the captain) : I do not, sir. ( The pris- oner reels against the desk). Prisoner : Lieber — Herr — Gott ! Benson: Lieutenant Gray, take charge of the firing squad. Report here at four-thirty. Gray (Salutes): Yes, Captain. Benson (Looks at his watch) : It's three forty-five now. We'll not bother to take this bloody dog to the mill. (He addresses Hauptman) : Sergeant, guard the pris- oner. Hauptman (Slautes) : Yes, Captain. Gray (Who has started to the door): Captain! (Recalls his position and hesitates). Benson: Well? Gray : I must have misunderstood — Benson: Misunderstood what? A BY-PRODUCT 69 Gray : You — you can't mean to leave the prisoner in Hauptman's charge — Benson: Say, who has charge of these diggins? Gray : I beg pardon, sir. Hauptman tried to shield this fellow — Hauptman: I — Gray : He tried to conceal the paper — Benson : Good lord, Gray, Hauptman bagged him in the first place — (Hauptman relieved, steps out of the light back stage). Gray: I know, sir. But the man's appeal. It is rank folly, — I was taught — (Benson fumbles with his keys and tries the drawers in the filing cabinet) : As you say, sir, I am not in command. — I am only — Benson: Sergeant Hauptman, you are detailed to guard this prisoner. I hold you responsible for him. (Hauptman salutes) : I'll set an extra guard outside. — (He starts to the door) : Four- thirty, Lieutenant Gray. Gray (humbled but unconvinced) : Very well, sir. (Steps aside for Benson to go out the door and follows him.) Hauptman {Closes the shutters at the window). (He waits at the door until the guard comes up, commands) : Keep moving — (He closes the door, listens there and then at the window, he confronts the prisoner.) Father — how could you — Prisoner (Turns from the boy, sinks into the chair). Denied — by mein own son ! (He buries his head in his hands.) Hauptman: That map — (Moves restlessly up and down the room.) Prisoner: I tell you — I — (Looks toward Hauptman, despairs of convincing him.) Hauptman : It shows all our gun positions — this whole 70 LIGHT WEIGHTS sector might have been wiped out. (He goes to his father, speaks with deepest resentment.) You — like the rest of them — I thought you were different. Just stayed there to help them, did you? Prisoner (Looks at his son in amazement) : I stay to — help — Hauptman (Ignores his father, says half to himself): Just as the fellows say: "In the blood of every man born there." I used to hate 'em for saying that. They said men would leave Germany to get away from the army, but any of them will go back when there's trouble. (He turns to his father who has risen) : In America for years — and you turn against her — Prisoner (Springs at Hauptman) : I — against America Hauptman (astonished): Why, father! Prisoner: That you cannot say — (He raises his hand. Hauptman catches his father's upraised hand) : You can deny me, — but traitor ! Hauptman (His face alight with understanding) : Father ! Prisoner (Sinks back into the chair) : Fred — mein son — the paper I have not know — you must believe me — Hauptman : Yes, father. (He lays his hand on the bowed shoulders, he toaits until his father is calmer.) Why did — (As his father shrinks from his question he changes it) : Has it been awful, dad? Prisoner: At first they treat me well — but I must stay there — in Berlin. Day after day I ask for passport. Always they put me off. They say next time I can go. — For three years it is next time. Hauptman: Then we were in'it. A BY-PRODUCT 71 Prisoner : Yes ; I was asked for much money — I will not give it — Hatjptman: Bully for you, dad. Prisoner (Shakes his head) : I do not know, Fred, some- times I think perhaps I make more to do what they ask, always I am watched, always blamed, always tormented, when I will not give information, every day worse than the day before, but I will not betray my country. — (He rises and paces up and down as he talks) : They send me to Essen. — Munitions. — Ah, Fred, that was hardest of all. Always a soldier at my elbow. You see I am suspect — Hauptman (Listens at the door and window): Careful, father, — go on, I want to hear, but we must be care- ful. Prisoner : The man past forty they call — Hauptman: But you are — Prisoner: I tell them, I tell them I am Amerikan — naturalized — but they find, — they say they find, I have left Germany after military age — Hauptman : You were only — Prisoner: I know, but when they say — (He signs that all is futile) : Last week we move up. Fred, I do anything so I will not fire. Any menial work I do gladly; I cannot fire against my country-men — Hauptman: No, father. Prisoner: For this I volunteer. (He points to his uni- form) : I think now I can give myself up. The cap- tain say I shall go with the best man, the man who always bring something back, and if I bring nothing I die. Fred, I agree to him. To myself I say, before I go back there I will die by mein hand. If my com- rade get anything, before I die, he must die — 72 LIGHT WEIGHTS Hauptman: I'm so sorry, father, for — Prisoner: Fred, you thought I — Hauptman: How did you get the map — Prisoner : That my comrade must have put on me. He come back and say he have a paper — Hauptman: Was that what you were scrapping about? Prisoner: Yes, then someone came — Hauptman (miserably) : Then I came with that damnable talk (He strides over to the chimney.) Prisoner : I was afraid you were another — Hauptman: Don't say it — (He takes several turns around) : Here you are now condemned as — Father, I must get you away. Prisoner : No, no, Fred. Hauptman: You must go. Prisoner: I cannot. You, Fred, I cannot leave. You will be suspect — Hauptman: I got you here. — I must get you away. Prisoner (Points to the door) : Impossible ! the guard — Hauptman (Casts about) : The chimney. See, it's shelled away. You can — Prisoner: Beyond are the lines, the soldiers — Hauptman (puzzled) : That's so. (He studies) : I'll tell you, I'll give you a pass — Prisoner: How can you? Hauptman: I'm sergeant major, dad. Prisoner: Yes, but — Hauptman: I'll give you a pass back to Captain Field at the Base Hospital. (He unlocks the desk drawer). Where are those blanks? (Searches for a pad.) Great work, dad, being top sergeant. Prisoner (Goes to the desk) : It is — A BY-PRODUCT 73 Hauptman (Scribbles a pass) : I signed this. (Holds up the pass) : It's risky business, but I want Captain Field to know it's O. K. (Hands the pass to his father who refuses it.) Prisoner: No, Fred. Hauptman: With this you can go anywhere in our lines. Prisoner: Perhaps. (Still refusing.) I leave mein son in my place? I cannot — Hauptman: Why not? lean — Prisoner: For you I am afraid. The captain say, " Sergeant Hauptman, you are detailed to guard this prisoner. I hold you responsible for him." If I am not here you will be responsible — Hauptman : Yes, but if I can just get you out — Prisoner : Fred, Fred — You, I cannot leave — Hauptman : I am not thinking of myself, father — How could I ever explain to mother, she's waited so long — Prisoner: Could I go back to her without you, — no, no, Fred escape, if it were possible, would — you are not mein alone, you must be — (Hauptman tries to silence him) : The man who aids a — a — Hauptman: Father, listen to me. I'll explain it. Cap- tain Benson is my friend. You could see that. Prisoner: Yes, that I could see. Hauptman: He'll understand when I tell him how it is. He knows all about how you were held in Berlin. If you are here when they come back I won't be able to — Prisoner : If the captain should not understand — Hauptman: He must. Father, think! If you stay here, in just a few minutes you will be — Prisoner: If I do not stay mein only son will be in my 74 LIGHT WEIGHTS place. No crime in the army is so great as the one the lieutenant suspects. No, no, Fred, the risk — Hauptman: Risk? Of course there's a risk — I believe I can fix it up. Captain Benson has advanced me over older men, he will — Prisoner: You do not know the crime — in an army to be a — I am a — a spy — condemned — to aid a spy is — Hauptman (caressingly): Dad, that's old stuff. You think you're with the Huns yet. If you stay here we have no chance at all. If you get away they will have to believe me or spend some time hunting you, before they find you I'll have a chance to prove that you are all American — Prisoner: The captain say: "Just one way out" — I know how they deal with — Hauptman : This is the American Army, dad, you are an American citizen — our army must not execute one of its own men — an innocent man. (He takes his father's hand and leads him to the fireplace, slips ihe pass in his pocket) : Come on, father, take the road to the left. Go close to the sentry at the cross roads, when he says, "Halt, who goes there?" answer Hauptman he knows me — Prisoner (Hangs back) : No, I — I Hauptman (Places the chair in the chimney, fastens his own ammunition belt around his father's waist, gives him a pistol) : Come, father — ( Tries to push him on the chair). Prisoner: Fred, Fred, — you are mein only son — Hauptman : Don't talk, father, your accent's against you. (Looks at his watch) : Hurry, the time's almost up — (Half lifts, half shoves, his father to the chair.) Go to A BY-PRODUCT 75 the left — (Pushes his father up the chimney and listens for the drop outside. He walks around restlessly, puts the pad back in the drawer, which he locks. He sits at the desk, jumps up.) I forgot to give him the pass word — (Rushes toward the chimney, as if he would fol- low. A shot is heard outside. Hauptman is transfixed. Several persons are heard running. Lieutenant Gray throios open the door and enters with the prisoner dishev- eled and shot in the hand, a guardsman follows.) Gray (to guard) : Summon Captain Benson. (Exit guard.) (Hauptman goes to his father.) I was afraid of this — Hauptman : I can explain, sir — (Leads his father to the chair which he places down stage right, bends over him to examine the wound.) Benson (Runs in the room) : What in God's name? Gray: The prisoner escaped, sir. Benson: No, there must be some — (Strides to Haupt- man) : How about this, Hauptman? Gray (Steps between them) : I'm sorry to say, sir, he must have been aided. (Hands the pass Hauptman gave to his father to Benson): There's a signature. Benson (Reads the pass) : Hauptman ! I — against bet- ter judgment — I trusted — Hauptman (Salutes): The prisoner is my father, sir. I can explain — Gray : In business of this kind we — Benson : In the army there are no explanations for this crime — (The prisoner tries to speak, he is pushed back by the guard.) Hauptman: Captain Benson, he is an American. 76 LIGHT WEIGHTS Benson: Sergeant Hauptman, this man was caught with a valuable paper, the success of our company, their lives were endangered. I trusted you — you failed me, you are an accomplice — Prisoner (Makes his way to Benson) : The boy, — spare — spare him. Hauptman: My father did not know about that map, sir. It must have been put on him by his comrade. Give us time, sir, we can prove — Benson : When spies are caught there is only one law — Hauptman : Our army could not — he's innocent, sir — We aren't Huns, sir — Benson : The law deals swiftly — (He turns helplessly to Gray) Gray: It must — Benson (Speaks with difficulty) : Yes, Lieutenant, there's just one way, for them there's just one law — Prisoner : I am the spy — this boy — Benson : He gave aid to you — Prisoner: No, no, I escape — Gray : We have the proof, his signature — Benson (Looks away from Hauptman and the prisoner) : The man who gives aid to a spy — Gray: Is also a spy — (One hears the firing squad march- ing up. Gray steps to the door, gives an order) : It is four-thirty, sir. (Benson signs to Gray to take com- mand y he drops to the chair back of the desk, buries his head in his hands as Hauptman and his father are ushered out. Presently two shots are heard off stage. Captain Benson springs up as the curtain falls.) CURTAIN ALLIED OCCUPATIONS CHARACTERS: Madame Maxine, a beauty specialist and owner of the Daffodil Beauty Parlor. Susette, Madame Maxine' s Assistant. Dick Mac Mantjs, County Attorney. Edna Mac Manus, Dick's wife. Barney, a bell boy. Judge Hyson, the model citizen type. TIME: August, 1919. PLACE: Anderson, a Middle Western Town. SCENE: The Daffodil Beauty Parlor, in the Hotel Anderson. ALLIED OCCUPATIONS At the left of the stage and well toward the front a glass case of toilet articles stands against the wall. At the left of the case is a desk with a mirror over it. A costumer with two hats on it stands near the door rear. The back of the stage is occupied by two plate glass win- dows with the door between, On the left window one sees a rear view of Daffodil in large script letters running across the pane; the different industries carried on in the establishment under Madame Maxine's name on the other. At the right of the stage a booth is curtained from the rest of the parlor by yellow rep curtains which are adorned by black borders. The booth is equipped with all the fittings for hair dress- ing and manicuring. A mirror panel occupies the entire side of the booth above the manicure table. All the furnishings carry out the note struck by the name Daffodil. Madame Maxine is tally full-busted, narrow-hipped. She approaches fifty . She wears rustling black taffeta. Her Kelly caste of countenance is sharply at variance with the title she has assumed. The Daffodil, a new establishment, satisfies an unsuspected longing for beauty in the madame's heart. Susette, the assistant, inclines to pounds and about twice as many motions as should be necessary for the conduct of her duties in the parlor. She is hopelessly clumsy and thoughtless. She makes an attempt to live up to the tone of the parlor by wearing a black voile dress, white apron and cap, the latter usually awry. 80 LIGHT WEIGHTS At the rise of the curtain Susette is in the booth. She opens the panel and takes out bottles which she hands to Madame Maxine, stationed at the booth curtains. Susette knocks two bottles together. Madame: Remember what you're handlin'; 'tain't water. Susette: I know it ain't, Molly. Madame : How many times I got to tell you — Madame Maxine. Susette: I just Can't seem to remember — Madame : We got something to live up to since we moved into the new hotel. Susette : I know it Mo — , Madame Maxine, — I feel so funny say in' that, can we get out now? Madame {Peeps between the curtains; outside the window Dick and Edna Mac Manus look at the sign on the right window. Madame turns back to Susette, she sets the bottles on the table) : Oh, my lord, no. (Goes out of the booth to greet Edna as she enters; Dick goes down the street right. Edna Mac Manus is a small woman about tiventy-three years of age. She wears a small hat which seems to be too large for her head. Her street dress is dark blue. Her hair is pale red, her eyes are brown, her features are delicate. She carries a good sized black bag. She looks around to see that no one is in the parlor before she ad- vances down stage.) Edna: Madame Maxine? Madame (always affable to trade) : Yes, Mrs. Mac Manus. Edna (flattered) : You know me? Madame: Not you exactly, — your husband. Edna: Of course you'd know him. ALLIED OCCUPATIONS 81 Madame: Yes, I always make it a point, to know the county officers and the police. Woman in business never can tell when she may need 'em. (Susette watches behind curtains.) Edna {Takes a red transformation from her bag, hands it to madam) : I want this curled and arranged. Madame: I never seen one like that. (Holds up trans- formation and examines it.) Edna: It was made for me. I must have it by eleven- thirty. Madame: So early? I'm not sure — Edna: I must have it; see how my hat wobbles — I'm ashamed to go shopping without it. Madame: I got so much this morning; I'll do it first thing this afternoon. Edna: Oh, no; I'm going away this afternoon, out of town. (She steps to the shelter of the glass case and removes hat.) See what a sight I am without it! Madame (Tries to repress a smile): You do need it. Edna: I even have to resort to this, (Pulls out a pad of curls attached to the crown of her hat) to keep my hat off my nose. (Glances at herself in the mirror over the desk): Good heavens! (Hastily replaces hat): I'll have to bring it to you, often. Madame: I'll try to squeeze it in. Edna (Starts to madame impulsively, restrains herself): Thank you so much, Madame Maxine. I'll call for it later. (Exit center back.) Susette (Throws curtains aside and watches Edna out of sight) : She's some anxious 'bout that hair o' hers. Madame : You'd be anxious, too, if you had as little as she's got. Bring it out. (Madame and Susette carry bottles to the glass case. Susette is generally clumsy and 82 LIGHT WEIGHTS awkward. Madame goes to the desk; picks up trans- formation) : I'd ought to work on the books. — Some job keepin' two sets. Susette: Lots o' work. Lots o' money. Madame (Looks up in time to see Susette put a bottle on a lower shelf) : Don't mix 'em. (Goes to case) : Always put Maxine's Elixir on top. Susette: Yes'm, Molly, excuse me. Yes'm, Madame. Madame: Don't you forget it; they got to know where to find it. (Sits at the desk.) Susette (Surveys her work) : That 'nough? Madame (Leans back in her chair to count) : Who're the regulars today? Susette : Judge Hyson, — maybe the cop — no tellin' how many Barney may run in. (She says the name Barney very fondly.) Madame (Goes to the door and speculates on the weather) : Goin' to be hot. — Bring out the rest of it. (Susette brings remaining bottles from the secret cabinet and puts it in the case. Madame picks up the transformation.) I aint really got time to fool with this. — It'd be hard to match. Susette: It would; that red and it so fine. Madame: Must cost a pretty penny. (Goes inside the booth; turns on an electric curler, curls a strand) : Susette ! Susette (Jumps away from the mirror): Yes'm. Madame: Look here, — can you do this? Susette patches the curling of another strand): Sure. (Takes curler.) Madame (Madame returns to the desk, takes up her book work): I got to get these books up. (Outside the ALLIED OCCUPATIONS 83 window a bell boy comes along the street; looks in the parlor to see that all is safe before he enters.) Barney: 'Mornin'! (Susette runs out of the booth): Hello, Susie! Madame (Corrects): Susette! Barney: Aw, I can't remember that. She's Susie, and you're — Madame: None o' your sass. Barney (Ogles Susette while he moves nearer the desk) : Don't mind me, Molly. Boss says we got to stand for the frills since you took up the new line. Makes everything so darned respectable. Madame: Susette, watch that curler. You be careful of that piece. I wouldn't have anything happen to it for a hundred dollars. Barney (Watches Susette as she draivs the curler outside the booth curtains, so that she can feast her eyes on Barney) : That thing a hunderd dollars ! Some val- uable ! (Madame continues to be absorbed in her books; Barney slips back and chucks Susette under the chin. The girl is entranced. Barney tries to distract Mad- ame' s attention from his love-making) : Boss says you sure got nerve. Madame: Don't you try to blarney me. Barney (Snatches a kiss from Susette) : I mean it, Molly, excuse me, Madame! Ain't a man in town got the nerve to do it. 01' Judge Hyson says this place is an o-a-sis. You know how he talks, o-a-sis, a fountain in a dry land, he says. (He caresses Susette) : Got any Elixir? Boss wants to know. Madame: Plenty, help yourself . (Barney goes to the case for a bottle; Susette forgets everything in admiration of him. The curler hangs limp in her hands, an unmis- 84 LIGHT WEIGHTS takable odor fills the room; Madame sniffs) : Burnin' ! (Madame rushes over to Susette; too late the girl tries to unwrap the curler and takes out a section of hair the width of the iron. Susette is petrified. Barney is generally clumsy and in the way; Madame is frantic:) Idiot ! Don't stand there droolin' ! — Get me hair goods. (Wails) : Her comin' fore noon. (Susette lunges at the drawer in the lower part of the case, draws out a black switch which she hands to Madame, who flings it back): Look at this, gump! What color is it? Susette: Red. (She draws the boxes of hair to the center of the stage, Barney tries to help.) Madame (Watches each box as it is opened) : Give me that front. (Compares it with the transformation; flings it back) : That red switch. — Too coarse. — Maybe I could put it in. — She's the last person in this town I'd want some thin' to happen to. Susette: I'd not be 'fraid of a little shrimp like her. Madame: You may be 'fraid of 'er 'bout the time you've ruined me. Susette: Huh! She couldn't hurt you. Madame: He's county attorney, fool! Susette (Slumps in a heap) : Oh ! my lord ! Barney: Good night! Madame: Just married, and touchy 'bout his wife. If there's anybody in Anderson I want to keep on the good side of it's Mac Manus. Barney (Holds up a bottle): Same price? Madame (abstractedly): Same. Barney (Drops some money in the desk draiver): This is no place for an honest man. (Picks his way among the boxes of hair to the door): 'Bye, Susie. (Exit Barney center back. Susette gazes after him.) ALLIED OCCUPATIONS 85 Madame: Is that all we got? (Susette comes to with a start; hands up a brown toupee) : Look at this, Dummy, it's red and for a lady. (Susette tumbles the hair about.) Anything more there? Susette : That's all the store hair. — There's the combin's. Madame: Bring 'em out. (Susette goes to the booth, gets a bag made like an overgrown silver case. She draws hair from each pocket. Madame snatches the first ves- tige of red): Here's somethin' I could use if it was hackled. (She ponders): Give me that red switch and the red curls. — She's goin' out o' town this after- noon; if I could palm this off on her, I'll have hers ready when she comes back. (She goes to the booth, sits at the table, orders Susette): Qet me scissors. — Tape. — Needle and thread. (Susette runs icith the scissors from the desk. Madame cuts the switch in lengths) : Get me a hook and eye. — Hers is fastened with a hook and eye. (Susette searches every where for a hook and eye, finally remembers one on her belt, pulls it off.) Susette: Had to take it off my belt. (Hands it to Madame; clumsily tries to arrange the hair stock in boxes; spells from a box): M-e-d brown; what's med. brown, Molly? Madame: Medium brown, fool. — Toupee belongs there. Hurry up and get that stuff out o' sight. — I don't want the parlor all cluttered up when she comes back. (Rises and shakes out the transformation) : Thank God ! that's done. (Switches on the curler, is curling the center section when Edna appears outside the window.) Susette (Shoves the boxes to the case) : Here she comes. (Stuffs boxes in the drawer.) 86 LIGHT WEIGHTS Edna (Enters) : I know I'm early. Susette (over her shoulder): Yes'm you are. (At the sound of Edna's voice Madame throws up her hands; tucks burned transformation behind the hair dryer.) Edna: Is Madame Maxine ready for me? Susette: Ready yet, Molly, I mean Madame? Madam (Swallows hard, tries to appear calm, exaggerates it as she emerges from the booth) : O-oh, Mrs. Mac Manus ! Edna: Is my transformation finished? Madam: Not quite; ain't you got some more shopping? Edna: I'm through. I'll wait here if you don't mind. Madame: Mind? certainly not. Glad to have you. Susette, give Mrs. Mac Manus a chair. (Susette dis- entangles her feet, jumps up, pulls out the desk chair) : Put it over there. (Indicates the space near window left and well up stage) : The light's better. — Give Mrs. Mac Manus the morning paper. (Goes into booth and calls): Susette, please. (Susette goes to the booth, madam whispers to her, the girl gets paper and wraps the new transformation, Madame leaves the booth): I hope you'll like our work, Mrs. Mac Manus. I'd like to see you here often, a reg'lar customer. Edna (Drops the paper and clasps her back hair) : Oh, I shall be, I haunt hair dressers; I'm always having hair troubles. (Susette hands Edna the package, she hurries back to the booth and sits breathlessly expectant. Edna rises and moves down stage.) She needn't have wrapped it; I want to put it on. I can't stand this much longer. (Wobbles her hat.) Madame (Tries to take the package from Edna, who is unwrapping it): I'll put it on for you; step in here. ALLIED OCCUPATIONS 87 Edna (Continues to unwrap; holds up the new transforma- tion): This isn't mine! {Examines the coil): This isn't mine at all. Madame (Appears ignorant; bends over the piece): So it ain't, isn't I should say. Edna ( Tosses the coil to the desk) : It isn't my shade. Madam: Susette! (Susette slips out of the booth, she is weak with fright): This ain't Mrs. Mac Manus's piece, stupid ! Susette: No'm? Madame: Is Mrs. Mac Manus's piece ready, the light auburn transformation I told you to wrap? Susette (Bewildered, looks around wildly. Madame manages to catch her eye and forms the word "No" with her lips): No'm, Molly, excuse me, No'm, Madame. Madame: Is Mac Manus's piece ready; the light auburn transformation? Susette: No'm it was — that is it ain't — not quite ready. (Plunges into the booth.) Madam: Mrs. Mac Manus, I wonder if you know what a fierce proposition help is. Edna: I'm learning. Madame: This girl's been with me long enough to know how to go ahead with things, she's grown up with the business I might say, but I got to stand over her every minute. If you'll be patient a little while I'll attend to your work myself. Edna (Looks at her watch): I've plenty of time. I am to stay here until Mr. Mac Manus calls for me at eleven-thirty. (At mention of Mr. Mac Manus Madame Maxine throws up her hands and hurries into the booth, whispers to Susette, who whirls and stumbles in her haste to take 88 LIGHT WEIGHTS of cap and apron and put on hat; she exits center bach, meets Barney, shakes her head violently. Madame tries to untangle enough hair from the mat of combings to fill in the missing strands of the transformation.) Barney (Saunters along outside, peeps in, sees no one, en- ters): Boss wants two — (Edna looks up, folds her paper. Barney discovers her): Gosh! (He backs out. Madame runs out of the booth.) Edna (Laughs): A bell boy got in the wrong place. Madame: Huh? Yes I — I s'pose so. Edna: He backed out in a hurry, when he saw where he was. He was so embarrassed. Madame: Him? I — I Edna: He was as funny as a man in a millinery shop. Madame: Was he? (Goes to desk and turns her book ner- vously): Wish that girl would hurry. Edna: Is my work done? Madame : No, I — not yet, I got to mend a place in it. — I couldn't match the thread. (She flees to the booth. Edna continues reading.) Judge Hyson (Comes from right, opens door carefully, sees no one, remarks facetiously) : How's our firm this morning? Madame (Hurries out of the booth) : Oh, Judge, you scared me. (Inclines her head toward Edna.) Judge : Oh — er — I — a Madame (Businesslike): Mrs. Mac Manus, Judge Hyson. Edna (Rises): Good morning, Judge Hyson. Judge: Mrs. Mac Manus, did you say? Madame: Yes, Judge. Judge (Shakes Edna's hand warmly): This is indeed a pleasure. I know your husband very well. ALLIED OCCUPATIONS 89 Edna: I've heard him speak of you. Judge: We are all interested in our promising young county attorney — and his wife, aren't we, Madame Maxine? Madame: Yes, yes indeed. Judge : We are proud of your husband, Mrs. Mac Manus. Edna: Thank you, Judge Hyson. Judge: We have reason to be. He is giving us a good clean administration. He has practically cleaned out this town. Edna: There must be one place he hasn't found. (Mad- ame glances anxiously at the case.) Judge: He works too hard, Mrs. Mac Manus, he should begin to let up, now. ^ Edna: He'll never let up until he finds the last drop. Judge : I don't doubt it. (Madame slips over to the case.) Edna: If he has to search every house in this town. Judge : You can depend on him, you should try to have him slow up a little. Edna: Slow up! I'd like to help him. Judge (Laughs): What could you do? Edna : There seems to be nothing. — I'm going away this afternoon because Mr. Mac Manus hasn't time to bother with me. Madame : Better take time. Edna: He's going to stay on the job now, until he finds where that stuff is if — Judge: About yourself, Mrs. Mac Manus, are you en- joying our little city? Edna: I haven't had much chance yet, not since the new law went into effect. — I think I'll enjoy it when Mr. Mac Manus gets it cleaned up — 90 LIGHT WEIGHTS Judge (trying to get away from the subject of the town) : I — ah — I see you have discovered the excellent ability of Madame Maxine. Madame : Now, Judge — Edna: Yes, that is, I'm going to — Madame (fervently): I hope so. Judge (Speaks very deliberately, he tips from his heels to his toes with his hands pressed together): Mrs. Mac Manus, I can, recommend to you, from experience, I can recommend especially, her hot oil scalp treat- ments — I must beg your pardon, of course you wouldn't need them so young. Edna (Clasps her head) : Oh, but I do ! Judge: In that case you have come to the right place. (He bows his head ivhich is slightly bald) : Not much to boast of, but I'd be combing my head with a towel if it hadn't been for the Madame. Madame: Don't you flatter me, Judge. Judge : I believe it. — If those treatments were taken regularly, if they were persisted in, I believe Madame Maxine could grow hair on a — a — on a snake's head. Madame: Law, Law, now, Judge. Judge: I believe it. Now I'm a busy man. I haven't time to spend in such places, so Madame prepares a tonic for me which I apply myself; not so good as her treatments but the best I can do. I'm out again, Madame. (Madame goes to the case) : A large bottle, please. (Madame starts to wrap it) : I don't know just when I can get back, perhaps we'd better say two bottles. (Madame takes out another bottle): or even three. (Madame takes out another bottle, wraps the package, which she hands to the Judge, who pays her): ALLIED OCCUPATIONS 91 If you will take the advice of one who knows, Mrs. Mac Manus, you will take a course of those treat- ments. — Good morning, Mrs. Mac Manus; good morning, Madame Maxine. {He bows himself out.) Edna {excitedly): I'm going to have those treatments, Madame Maxine. Madame: So — Edna {Looks at her watch): May I have one while I wait? Madame {immensely relieved): Sure, step right in here. {Leads the way to the booth. Edna sits at the table. Madame removes her hat and takes down the pitifully short, thin hair.) I'll just give you massage with tonic today, you can begin the other treatments when you come back. — When will you be back? Edna: It all depends on Mr. Mac Manus, and when he finds that place. Madame: Say, Mrs. Mac Manus, has he been to Carson's on Smoky? Edna : Every place down there has been raided and fined. Madame: Carson's still looks suspicious to me. — Mrs. Mac Manus, you may not believe it; I've never had a finer head of hair in my hands. It's as fine as silk. {Strokes a strand) : It's silk itself. Edna : I'd like to have enough of it to pin a hat to. Madame: When you've had a few treatments with me you'll see — Edna: I hope so. Madame {Parts the hair and examines the scalp): Your scalp is dry and too tight. Edna: I've heard that ail my life, what can be done for it? 92 LIGHT WEIGHTS Madame: You heard the Judge. It's the truth. I tell 'em I aint found the head yet I can't grow hair on if they'll only come for the treatments. — Was a woman once had typhoid fever and all her hair came out, every spear of it; her head was as bare as a billiard ball. All I got to say is I wish you could see her now. — Nothin' I could ask o' that woman she wouldn't do for me. Edna : Do you suppose I could ever leave off that trans- formation? Madame: Course you can, begin right now. Edna (Clutches her head): Oh, no, no I couldn't. Madame: It's very had for your own hair. (Edna looks in the mirror and shrieks at her reflection) : You won't make much progress as long as you heat your head with that extry mat — Edna (Risks one more glance at herself): O-o-h, I wouldn't let Mr. Mac Manus see me without it for anything in the world. Madame: That's it — Edna: He doesn't know I wear it. — He despises sham. — He's such an upright man. Madame: Better not deceive him. Edna : He wouldn't like me without it — Madame : He's bound to find it out — Edna: I must wear it until I've grown some hair of my own. We'd better put mine on now — Madame (groping for a safer subject) : How is Mr. Mac Manus? Edna: Pretty well; he's very tired, he has so much to worry about. Madame: Don't you let him begin that. All men think they have so much to worry about. ALLIED OCCUPATIONS 93 Edna: Mr. Mac Manns has real problems to face since the new law went into effect. (Impressively): Liquor is still brought into this town. Madame : You don't mean it ! Edna: Yes, it's here in spite of Mr. Mac Manus — and the new law. Some one who knows that law well must be getting it in. Madame: Shouldn't wonder. Barney (Dashes in the door): Molly! (Madame sticks her head between the curtains) : The cop wants to know do you declare dividends today — (Madame threatens the boy with pantomimed annihilation, he backs out.) For Pete's sake! Madame: I have such a time with noisy boys. Edna: Does your parlor belong to a company? Madame: No, that's a joke he gets dff every once in a while. — Some times I wish it did belong to someone else. Edna : No one likes her work all the time. Madame : Woman hoein' her own row ain't got no pic- nic — Edna : I think if I could only be a man a little while to help Mr. Mac Manus find that place — if I could just get the evidence for him; he can't do a thing without the evidence. Madame: Don't you bother your little head about it, worryin' is awful bad for your hair — Edna : If he doesn't find that place people will say he is in league with it; think what that would mean — Madame: Nobody'll ever say that — Edna: They have already. Yesterday a delegation of preachers waited on him to tell him the new law, how would they dare? 94 LIGHT WEIGHTS Madame: Dare what? Edna : Insinuate that Mr. Mac Manus doesn't know the new law. He knows it backward. (Susette enters.) Madame: Excuse me one moment, Mrs. Mac Manus. (Goes out of the booth; Susette opens a package and dis- plays two scrawny transformations): Is that all you got? Susette : Every strand in town. Madame: Might know you'd make a mess of it. Put the tonic on her. (Nods toward the booth and Edna; puts on hat and exits center back.) Susette (Takes off hat, puts on apron and cap; takes a bottle from the case; goes to the booth, says more truth- fully than she realizes): I'm goin' to finish it, Mrs. Mac Manus. (Sprinkles Edna's head liberally.) Edna (Sniffs): What's that? Susette (Seizes the bottle) : Good Lord ! (She runs to the case and hurries back with another bottle): Got 'em mixed. Edna: That smelled like whiskey. Susette (Sprinkles Edna's head again) : That's got a lot o' stuff in to keep it. Edna: Is that the tonic Madame Maxine puts up for Judge Hyson? Susette: Huh? Edna: Judge Hyson told me all about how much Mad- ame Maxine has done for his hair. Is that the tonic she puts up for him? Susette (Looks at Edna sharply, her countenance is se- rene): Yes, — for him and others. Edna: It must be a wonderful tonic. He'd have been bald if it hadn't been for that. ALLIED OCCUPATIONS 95 Susette: I s'pose he would 'a'. Effects different folks different ways. S'pose it does make some bald. Edna : I know how to sympathize with him. Susette: You? Edna: Indeed I do. I have the same trouble. Susette: Who'll be the next? Edna (slightly offended): It's a serious thing. — It's the only secret I have from my husband. Susette : Don't he know T it? Edna : Goodness, no ! Susette: Course you wouldn't tell him, he's agin it. Edna : Yes, he's such an upright man. Susette : I'd never a thought it o' you ; you don't look it. Edna : Don't you think a woman can have a secret from her husband? Susette: Sure; seems a shame to fool a good man like that, though. (Massages Edna's head all the while.) Edna (After a pause): I'm trying to cure it so I w r on't have to deceive him. I'm going away this afternoon. I think I'd better have a bottle of Judge Hyson's tonic. Susette: Aw, Mrs. Mac Manus, you're kiddin'. Edna: Indeed I'm not; I've got to have something — Susette: Are y'u that bad off? Edna: I'm desperate. — You don't know what it's like; you have plenty — Susette : I don't use it — Edna: You don't need to, — get me a bottle, please. Susette: You ain't stringin' me, are y'u? Edna: Of course not, I've got to grow hair some way. Susette: That's what they all say. Edna: Madame Maxine has guaranteed, or almost that, to help me. 96 LIGHT WEIGHTS Susette: Her? Edna: Yes, I told her I must have the treatments Judge Hyson takes. Susette: And she said she'd give 'em to y'o? Edna: Certainly. Susette: I'm on then. (She goes to the case.) Edna (Calls between the curtains): I have no idea how long I'll be gone, I'd better have two bottles. Susette (Slumps against the case): Y'u got it that bad? Edna : I don't want to get out — Susette: Just like all of 'em. (She takes the bottles to Edna.) Edna: How much? Susette: Four. Edna: Four dollars for those two little bottles? Susette: Four dollars per. Edna: You must be insane. Susette: No I ain't; plenty 'd give more'n that if they could get it. Edna: It must be precious. I oughtn't to pay that much. (Madame Maxine enters with a large bundle under her arm.) Madame: Susette! (Lays the bundle on the chair, Su- sette parts the curtains) : Bring it out. (Madame pats her head to indicate the transformation, Susette gets it and slips out of the booth. Madame opens the bundle, reveals red hair of varying shades. They compare the colors.) Edna (Calls) : I can't wait much longer. Madame (Jumps in front of the hair): Just a minute, Mrs. Mac Manus. Edna: Mr. Mac Manus is likely to come any time now. (She looks in the mirror, turns from her reflection to the ALLIED OCCUPATIONS 97 bottles, pours a little of the liquid in her palm, dips her finger in it; sniffs, sniffs again; touches her tongue to the liquid, makes a face, she stuffs the bottles in her bag; looks at her watch.) Barney (Runs along the street; looks in the window; sees Madame and Susette; bursts in the door): Coupla travelin' men want all you got! (Madame catches him by the collar, he backs off defiantly; Susette claps her hand over her mouth) : What's the matter with y ' ? (Madame nods toward the booth): Here yet? (Mad- ame nods): Got it rented? (Madame turns back to the hair): Lookie, Susie. (Barney twirls a dollar and catches it in his hands.) Madame (Hands Susette a transformation): Put this on her. (Susette goes into the booth. Madame goes to the case; sees two bottles missing. To 'Barney) : You get two more? Barney: Not me; not yet. Madame: Susie! (Susette hurries out of the booth, Mad- ame points dramatically to the top shelf) : Who got 'em? (Susette jerks her thumb over her shoulder toward the booth.) Barney: Her? Good night! (Madame lunges at Su- sette, Barney parts them.) Madame: I said you'd ruin me. (To Barney): Go get Judge, and come back to help. (Exit Barney): ( To Susette) : You drivelin' — Susette:. Molly, Molly, she won't tell him; he don't know she drinks — Madame: HER! You — fool — get to — out o' here. (Susette grabs her hat): Don't show your dirty face here — (Susette dodges out the door and runs off left. Edna watches behind the curtains; she is convulsed; 98 LIGHT WEIGHTS she sees Madame look at the bottles on the top shelf; she looks around for something to hide them in; chucks them in the bundle of hair and ties it up) . Edna : Madame Maxine, I must have my transformation. Madame (Hurries into the booth): Awful way to treat a new customer. (Seizes a brush, peers around all the time.) Edna (sweetly): Have you lost something? Madame: Yes, — no, — here it is. (Hooks the transfor- mation around Edna's head) : I must get your hair — on. Edna: Yes; Mr. Mac Manus will be here any minute. Madame (Agitated, brushes Edna's hair violently; looks around; spies Edna's bag, tries to draw it away. Edna hangs on): I'll hang it up for you. Edna: You needn't mind. (Dick Mac Manus enters.) Madame (Hurries out of the booth, stands just outside the curtains): Good morning, Mr. Mac Manus, glad to see you — Dick : Good morning, is — Madame: This is the first time you've been in the Daffy - dil. Dick: Yes, I came for Mrs. Mac Manus. (Judge Hyson hurries along the street; he wipes his face and neck with his handkerchief, throws the door open): Hello, Judge. Judge: Morning, Mac. Off your beat? Dick: No, I — Judge : Don't expect to find my friends in beauty parlors. Dick: How about yourself? Judge: Me? Oh I — I saw you come in here, stopped to call you. (Goes close to Dick) : I believe I've got a new scent. ALLIED OCCUPATIONS 99 Dick: So, where? Judge: A cottage on the state road, third one, it's white. Dick: Any evidence? Madame : Say, Mr. Mac Manus, how 'bout Carson's on Smoky? Dick: Raided long ago. I'll follow that up. {Judge to Madame): I came for my wife, is Mrs. Mac Manus ready? Madame: We been detained, delayed a little, couldn't you come back say in half an hour. {Edna tries to fart the curtains, Madame turns to her): He'll see your hair. {Edna climbs on the chair and looks over the top of the booth, sees Barney enter) : I'm awful sorry to keep you waitin', busy man like you. Barney: My goods ready? Madame {Points to the bundles on the chair, continues to Dick): I don't suppose it'll take more than twenty minutes. {Barney starts out the door with the package.) Edna: Don't let that boy out! {Every one is startled, Dick jumps ahead of Barney. Madame turns into the booth; pulls Edna down from the chair.) Dick: That you, Edna? Edna {Struggling with the Madame) : Yes, get that pack- age. Dick: What's in it? Madame {Steps outside the curtains): It's got hair in it. I want it returned, go on Barney. Edna: There's whisky in that package. {Madame turns into the booth and tries to grapple with Edna.) Dick {Wrests the package from Barney who scampers out as fast as he can): What you say, Edna? Edna: Here's the place — right here. Dick: What? 100 LIGHT WEIGHTS Edna: This Daffodil Beauty Parlor is the place you've been looking for. Judge: I'll go now. (Starts to the door.) Madame (Releases Edna; runs to the judge): No you don't; not just yet. (To Dick): I'll take that pack- age. Edna (Peeps between the curtains) : The whisky's in there. Madame : It's hair — Judge (Pokes the end of the package, pulls out hair and laughs): You're mistaken, Mrs. Mac Manus, it's hair — red hair. Dick (hefting the package) : More than hair here. Edna: Open it. Judge: Go slow there, Mac, you can't open that pack- age without the Madame's permission. Dick: Got to have a search warrant, I'll get one. Edna : Don't leave, Dick. Dick: You can swear out a warrant Judge. (Dick is excited, Madame is rigidly tense, the Judge is very delib- erate.) Judge: I must have evidence, Mac, tangible evidence. Dick (disappointed): That's right. Edna: Evidence? I've got the evidence. (Walks out of the booth, around Madame trying to bulk large before her, and hands one of the bottles to Dick. Madame tries to take the bottle. Edna goes back to the booth, stands with the curtains parted.) Dick: No you don't. (Opens the bottle, smells it): Should say it is. (To judge): Smell that. Madame: That's my Elixir. It's got a lot of preserva- tive in it. It's the finest thing for f allin' ha — Dick: Depends on what makes it fall. What you say, Judge? ALLIED OCCUPATIONS 101 Judge {Takes the bottle, takes a drink): Beats me; where did you get this, Mrs. Mac Manus? Edna: From the top shelf, where you got yours. Dick: WHAT? Judge : I bought some — Edna: "Three bottles of her own excellent tonic. " Judge (Moves toward the door): Excuse me, Mac, I just wanted to tell you about that cottage — Madame (Backs against the door) : No you don't — Edna: Don't let him out; he's in it too — Dick: Hyson! Judge: No, I'm not, Mac, these women are hysterical. Madame : Stand up and take your medicine — Edna: How about "Our firm?" ^ Judge: That's just an old joke — Madame: No joke when you got the rake-offs — Judge : Don't go back on me, Molly — We'll close out, Mac, don't let it get out, Mac — Dick : You're up against Uncle Sam in this, Judge — Judge : You can save me, Mac, I got a family — Dick: I'm sorry, its beyond me now — Judge: Every drop we've got is in that package; isn't it Molly — Madame : All 'cept what she got — (Points a vindictive finger at Edna). Judge: How did she get it; who squealed? Madame : That fool Susie let this little (Swoops down on Edna) hairless (Pulls the scant locks to their abbreviated length.) Dick (Looks at Edna): Edna, what happened to you? Have you been sheared? Edna (Clutches her head): Where's my — 102 LIGHT WEIGHTS Madame (Laughs exuliingly) : Show this to your upright man! (Snatches the burned transformation from the hair dryer and tosses it to Edna.) Edna (Holds up the transformation, sees the burned place) : O-o-h ! (She looks at Dick, who remains unmoved, hair makes no difference to him, she realizes the burn has been a benefit, she runs to Madame Maxine) . I don't care, Madame Maxine; I really thank you — (She looks at the burn): The. haul is worth it. Dick: I should say it is, Edna, you're SOME SLEUTH! CURTAIN SI ill Hill LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 015 905 489 5 I!