<^ ^ •? ;^ ^ r? t- w PRICE 25 CENTS. / NO PLATS EXCHANGED. Nolo. i Let Mc Pass By George M. Rosener. A Street Corner Caricature for Vaudeville, Written for Straight Man and Comedian (Eccentric or Char. Comedy). ADOLPH E. REIM, Publisher, MILWAUKEE. - WISCONSIN, ©CI.D 229^^4 NoAO. Let Me Pass By George M. Rosener. A STREET CORNER CARICATURE FOR VAUDEVILLE, WRITTEN FOR STRAIGHT MAN AND COMEDIAN (ECCEN- TRIC OR CHAR. COMEDY). Entered according to act of Congress in the year 1910, ty Adolph E. Reitn, in the office of the Librarian of Congress at Washing- ton, D. C. ][ NOTICE. The Acting Rights of this sketch are reserved. This applies to amateurs as well as professionals. Letters should be addressed to the sole owner Adolph E. Reim, at 306 Foster Bldg., Milwaukee, Wis. "Any person publicly performing or representing any dramatic or musical composition, for which a copyright has been obtained, without the consent of the proprietor of said dramatic or musical composition, or his heirs or assigns, shall be liable for damages therefor; such damages in all cases to be assessed at such sum, not less than $100.00, for the first and $50.00, for every subsequent performance, as to the court shall appear to be just. If the unlaw- ful performance and representation be wilful and for profit, such person or persons shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon con- viction be imprisoned for a period not exceeding one year." U. S. REVISED STATUTES, TITLE 60, CHAPTER 3, SECTION 4966. Adolph K Reim, PUBLISHER, Milwaukee, - Wis. TMP96-0C712 6 LET ME PASS Scene — A ^Street. (At oiK'niiifi the ^Straifjht enters from Left, the Comedy from RiilTit). Straipht—UeUol Corned u — Hello ! Straight — Where are you going? Comedy — I'm in a hurry, please don't stop me! Let me pass! Strai[/ht—ySAmr» the matter? Comedy — My mule is dying! Straight — What is he dying of? Comedy — He is dying of lonesomeness and must have company, the doctor says so. Straight — He must have company, eh, well what are you going to do about it? Comedy — I am going to take him to your house. Straight — Do you mean to insinuate that I live in a stable? Comedy — Do you? Straight — Do I what? Comedy — Do you need a biscuit? Please step to one side and let me pass. Straight — Are you crazy? Comedy — Yes, are you? Straight — Yes. I mean no ! Comedy — You mean yes you don't know. Straight — Look here! I want to know where you are going. Comedy — I am going to a foreign country. Straight — Where is that? Comedy — (Name some, local town). Where are you going? Straight — I am going to see my girl and find out which is the best day to get married on. 4 LET ME PASS. Conwd)/ — T can tell you that. Stniifiht — All right! Ncnv which is the hest day to get married on V Coined II — Your wedding day. Let me pass now! ^Straight — Are yon trying to make a fool of me? Coined!/ — No. I am trying to cure yon. Stand aside and let me pass or I shall scream for heli> ! Straight — Yon don't pass here nntil I get some sense out of you! Comedif — How can you say that after all we have been to each otherV (7V//.t.v out a liandkerehief and iceeiis). Straight — Now what are you crying for? Comedg — I am crying for that poor girl sitting down there in the park. Straight — That poor girl sitting on the bench and crying as if her heart would break? Comedg — Yes. that poor girl sitting on her heart and crying as if the bench would break. Straight — What is the matter with her? Comedg— Ilev mother just told her that she is going to marry again. Straight — So her mother is going to marry again? Why don't the poor girl go home? Comedg — She can't! Straight~\\\\y not? Comedg — She can't go a step father! Straight — Say look here, I want to tell you something! Do you hear I want to tell you something? Comedg — Well chalk up and shoot! This game costs money. Straight — If you try to make a fool of me I will beat you until you are black and blue! Comedg — You will? Straight— Yen I will! Comedg — Have a care. My name is Smith and for that reason I can have you arrested ! Straight— \\hi\t for? Comedg — For blacksmithing. Straight — For blacksmithing? Corned !r—T\\x\t is what I said! A blacksndth is a forger, is he not? LET ME PASS. 5 Straight — Yes. Comedy — Then if you are a blacksmith you must be a forger, so liave a care, your days are numbered! Oh, propinquity! Straight — What is that last word you used? Comedy — Propinquity ! Straight — Do you know the meaning of that word? Comedy — Of course, I do ! Do you? Straight — Certainly ! Comedy — Then, why do you hap-hazard me about it? Straight — Why do I hap-hazard you? Do you know what you are talking about? Comedy — Do I? W^ell I should be rather surprised if I was. Straight — I want you to tell me the meaning of the word propin- quity. Comedy — Propinquity ? Straight — Yes, propinquity ! Comedy — You are sure you don't mean Pinky, because that's the name of my dog? Straight — You used the word propinquity. Now tell me the mean- ing of it. Comedy — Propinquity means : Vera la mucha de killa espanola de sen ta lalalala poof. Straight — What do you call that? Comedy — I am telling you the meaning of the word propinquity. Straight — You are? Comedy — Yes. I am telling it to you in Spanish. Straight — Well, you tell it to me in English. Somedy — It is just the same in English. Straight— ^\eU, let's have it! Comedy — Propinquity is er-er-er-er, it is a new kind of bottled beer. Straight — My boy, your ignorance is paramount ! Comedy — Pley, cut that out! That is something I won't stand for. Straight — What do you mean? Comedy — You can't tell me I have a parrot's mouth! Straight — I said paramount I Comedy — ^Oh ! I misinformed you. Straight — Now let me explain this to you so you won't parade your ignorance before the public again! LET ME PASS. ConivtJji — Yon talk just as if you had something to sell. ^traiiilit — I'ropinquity, my dear boy, means nearness of associa- tion, in other words "close to," etc. For an example, if you associ- ted with me long enough, you would gradually come to know al- most as much as I do, you would by and by begin to imitate my very fine manners and speech. Then you could say, propinquity did it. Corned 11 — Oh. he would be to blame, then? *S7>-«////*f— Exactly! Coined!/ — Now let me understand this, so you won't go parading in public again. Propinquity means that, if I hung out with you long enough, I would catch whatever you had. is that it? Straight — Now you have it ! Corned 1/ — Will you please turn your face the other way? >S7ra/Y//StraigJtt — Confound you I Comedy — Now you have said enough I You let me pass instantly! Htraif/Jtt-^V^' hilt are yon trying to start here? Corned u — Trying to stnrt? Stnfight — Yes, trynig to start? Comedy — Well I declare, you are quite a joke I Indeed you make me laugh — Ha! Ho! He! Once more I request you to let me pass. to not for one moment think there are none about who are not asleep There is one down there. (Calls off stage) Crystal! Crys- tal! >>traight — Why do you call that policeman. Crystal? Comedy — Because he is always on the watch. Come one step nearer and I'll screech ! Straiglit — I think you're crazy. Comedy — I know you are ! i^traight—Whaft Comedy — I know you are a gentleman, except when you are in drink, and then, Genieve you are positively brutal! is7/'r//V///f — Will you cut this out? Comedy — I will, if you will answer me one question. Straight— \\e\l what is it? Comedy— V^^hnt is it that smells the most when you go into a drug store? >S'f y-fl igh t — Carbolic acid. Comedy — No sir! Straight — Then what does smell the most? Comedy — Your nose. Please let me pass, or I shall die of morti- fication ! Straight— You will be murdered if you hand me anything like that again ! Comedy — Listen Moon in the Face! Do you know the first thing 10 LET ME PASS. the liuliaiis said when Columbus discovered America ? i^traiifJit — No^Y, that's a good, sensible question, but I must con- fess I am all at sea. Comedy — So was Columbus. AS7y(/////<^— What? Coiiiedij — One step nearer and I shall pierce the air with screams of violence. I asked you if you knew vrhat the first words were that the Indians uttered when Columbus discovered America? And you act like this, I am sure I gave you no encouragement, whatever. Htraiglit — Will you tell me what those first words were that the Indians said, when Columbus discovered America? Coi»ef/y/— Certainly ! Straight — What were they? Conicdij — They were these five little words. Mercy, we have benn discovered! Don't come near me, I have a concealed weapon that you know not of ! Listen, Swiss Cheese, did I ever tell you about the race I was once in with the good ship Hinkee Dee? i^fraifiht — Xo. ycu never did. Vomcdii — No? Then unfold your ears and listen. It was in the year t>,2-i:4. that the Hinkee Dee and The Lady Bug ran a race off Sandy Hook. Tlie old Hinkee Dee was a fine old ship, in fact, she was the best I ever saw, and when she was feeling fine, she could drink more beer than anything else in her line. AVe were fifty miles ahead of the Lady Bug, with only twenty-five thousand more to go, vrlien the old Hinkee began to fall back. I noticed that she was breathing hard. "Cap," she said. "Cap, I can't go on." "Why?" yelled the captain. "Because," she cried, "My mainmast has the cramps and I have a pain in my lee scuppers." The captain was furious and he kicked her in the port side. "Avast, my boom, spanker and shiver my midship." shouted the captain. "I'll have the same with a plate of French fried on the side." I yelled. I was only wishing that the six o'clock whistle would blow, so that we could all go home. Of course, a dollar is a lot of money, when you are broke, and if I knew he was that kind of a man, I should never have spoken to him. Yet. I never in my life sav.' a lady who could catch so many fish, and as for ducks, the place was alive with them, and more wild horses than I ever saw. You know my mother never lets me out after nine o'clock, and as for reading the papers, why, it sometimes removes your corns and LET ME PASS. 11 sometimes they fly away before you can get a good shot at them. There was cannons in front of ns and cannons upstairs, also. Someone had made an awful mistake. "Water!" cried Hinkee Dee. "Why, you are in it!" yelled the captain. "How foolish of me/' she echoed. We had only one more block to go. If we win this fight, 1*11 die," I said, and the conductor punched my ticket. Then the crovrd in the grand stand began to yell. Hinkee Dee rapped out a triple. She got to first, she sailed to second and she flew to third. "I can't go on," she cried. "Try it," yelled the gang. "Slide," I shouted. "Slide!" She slid. Great Heavens, she slid on her keel and won the race! Straight — That's enough, you can pass! —THE EXD.— Note — This act can he opened or closed tcith a song, if desired. When it is jjJaj/ed rapid fire, as it should he, it icill run ahont ticelve minutes. One copy del. to Cat. Div. DEC 21 Bi^ LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 016 103 832 5