Class_lni_£^^ 
 Book . j\l3 
 
 DOBELL COLLECTION 
 
/ 
 
 
 Honum ^vms. 
 
I 
 
Monum amicis* 
 
 VERSES 
 
 VARIOUS OCCASIONS. 
 
 FRANCIS NEWBERY, ESQUIRE. 
 
 LONDON : 
 
 PRINTED FOR THE AUTHOR, 
 BY THOMAS DAVISON, LOMBARD-STREET, WHITEFRIARS. 
 
 1815. 
 

 205449 
 '13 
 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 Having been frequently solicited to commit 
 his little productions to the press, the author 
 yields at length to the wishes of his friends ; 
 and, with a grateful sense of their kind par- 
 tiality, he requests their acceptance of these 
 pages, as a memorial of his esteem and 
 regard. 
 
I 
 
 I 
 
 I 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 
 PAGE 
 
 The Five Sisters ...... 
 
 1 
 
 Prologue to the Midnight Hour 
 
 7 
 
 Epilogue to the same .... 
 
 13 
 
 Epilogue to Love a la Mode 
 
 17 
 
 A Happy Review 
 
 22 
 
 Cupid and Chloe 
 
 24 
 
 A Farewell to Heathfield Park 
 
 25 
 
 The Return to the same 
 
 26 
 
 Sonnet on the Death of Mrs. Freeling 
 
 27 
 
 Version of the Lord's Prayer 
 
 28 
 
 Verses for the Royal Society of Musicians 
 
 29 
 
 On the Return of our great Warrior 
 
 31 
 
 Translation of the Second Epistle of Horace 
 
 33 
 
 The TeiTors of the Rod 
 
 44 
 
 Epigrams , 
 
 54 
 
( 
 
 ! 
 
VERSES 
 
 VARIOUS OCCASIONS. 
 
 THE FIVE SISTERS. 
 
 On the planting of Five Trees on a heauiifid and commanding 
 eminence at Berrington in Herefordshire^ the Seat of the 
 Right Honourable Thomas Harley, while the author ivas 
 there on a visit in the year 1775. 
 
 Stranger, behold this little beechen grove ! 
 The seat of beauty, innocence, and love. 
 Here, planted by the maiden Sisters five, 
 In full luxuriance long their trees shall thrive ; 
 And when black clouds the wintry skies deform. 
 Knit in close union shall defy the storm ; 
 
^ THE FIVE SISTERS. 
 
 Repel the northern blast, the eastern bhght. 
 
 And all the horrors of the howling night*. 
 
 So shall the Sisters, whom affection binds. 
 
 Brave life's vicissitudes, and adverse winds ; 
 
 And to the giddy world triumphant prove 
 
 The conquering power of harmony and love. 
 
 But soon as summer suns, and sultry heal, 
 
 Prompt to the shady grove and cool retreat, 
 
 Hither the nymphs their willing steps shall bend, 
 
 And each shall find her tree a sheltering friend. 
 
 Sportive and gay, they here shall dance and sing, 
 
 Like fairy elves, and form a fairy ring ; 
 
 While youths ingenuous, and of noble soul, 
 
 Yielding to love and virtue's sweet control, 
 
 Shall own the influence of the enchanted knoll. 
 
 First of the train, see Martha j- blithe and fair ! 
 
 With Hebe's bloom and flowing auburn hair ; 
 
 * Alluding to a violent tempest which made great devastation 
 among the trees about this time. 
 
 f Married afterwards to George Drummond, Esq. of Stanmore. 
 
TliE FIVE SISTERS. 
 
 For whom the Graces all their powers combined, 
 To form her person, and adorn her mind ; — 
 Easy, engaging, elegant, and free ; — 
 With store of happy wit and pleasantry. 
 
 Nor yet with less delight the Muse shall scan 
 The soft perfections of the accomplished Anne^-^ 
 Whose eyes in native innocence impart 
 The sweet effusions of the cheerful heart ; 
 While sense, good-nature, beauty, freedom, ease, 
 Conspire at once to captivate and please. 
 
 With loveliest features that the face adorn. 
 With smiles more jocund than the rosy morn, 
 Lo ! Sarah f next ; observe her graceful mien, 
 And elegance of form, like beauty's queen; 
 While modest diffidence, devoid of pride. 
 Heightens each charm it vainly strives to hide. 
 
 * Married to the Hon. Captain, afterwards Lord, Rodney, 
 t Afterwards Countess of Kinuoull. 
 
 « 2 
 
4 tHE FIVE SISTEKS. 
 
 Nor shall the Muse neglect to lend her aid 
 To paint the blushes which the cheeks o'erspread 
 Of sweet Elizabeth *, so young, so fair ; 
 But she shall be the Muse's future care ; 
 A blooming bud, — and time shall soon disclose 
 New beauties bursting with the opening rose. 
 
 Last of the train, the happy Margaret •]; see! 
 The laughter-loving maiden, full of glee ; 
 In whom well pleased we mark the ardent aim, 
 To emulate her eldest sister's fame ; 
 Her gay good-humour, comic turn we trace ; 
 And catch a glance of Martha's air and grace. 
 
 Such are the Sisters five — the country's pride ! 
 
 Such is the grove, where peace and love reside ! 
 
 And where yon Clees"^ their towering heads up rear ; 
 
 And where the Brecknock mountains, black and drear, 
 
 * Married to David Murray, Esq. brother of Lord Elibank. 
 f Afterwards the Lady of Sir John Boyd, Bart. 
 J The Clee Hills in Shropshire. 
 
THE FIVE SISTERS. 
 
 With awful grandeur terminate the scene ; — 
 
 Through all the expanded vale tliat lies bet^veen ; — 
 
 To all around, whatever be their lot , 
 
 The lofty Castle, or the lowly cot ; — 
 
 To all conspicuous, long these Trees shall stand, 
 
 A grateful emblem of the kindred band ; 
 
 To future ages shall extend dieir fame ; 
 
 And — THE FIVE HAPPY SISTERS — be their name. 
 
PROLOGUE TO THE MIDNIGHT HOUR ; 
 
 Spoken hy the Author's fourth So)i, Charles, in the 
 Character o/'Nicolas, at the Representation at Heathfield 
 Park, Sicssex, on the 3d of January, 179a *. 
 
 (Peeping from behind the curtain) 
 
 So! you're all met! (coming forzcai'd), and each has 
 got his seat : — 
 With rare keen appetites for this new treat. 
 I'm glad to see you — What a crowd I view ! 
 So Tom ! — Ah, Cousin Martha ! How do you ? 
 
 * The idea of getting up a little comic piece during the Christmas 
 holidays originated with the young people, for the amusement of them- 
 selves and the neighbours ; many of wliom had never seen a theatrical 
 performance : and when the Author found how well the parts were 
 conceived, and executed, he gave every aid and encouragement to the 
 design, by erecting a small stage in a large room j and by writing the 
 Prologue and Epilogues. 
 
8 PROLOGUE TO THE MIDNIGHT HOUR. 
 
 I represent, you see, 2i footman here ^ 
 And now step on to get the tables clear ; 
 And while they dish up, and the feast prepare, 
 I'll just present you with a hill of fare. 
 
 In times of old, when neighbours met to cheer 
 With Christmas merriments the closing year, 
 The sports and pastimes then were rude and rough: 
 As, Hunt the Slipper, Hoop, or Blindman's Buff: 
 But in these modern and more polished days, 
 Lo, Christmas gambols yield to real plays! 
 Actors and actresses we all are grown : — 
 And here's a Theatre — just come from Town ! 
 Nay, wonder not ! for though it may seem droll, 
 Playhouses now, as well as players, stroll ; 
 And wander round, without committing trespass. 
 Just as they did of old — in cart of Thespis. 
 So Drury-Lane; (but why need I remark it?) 
 By fire impelled absconded to th' Haymarket : — 
 
PROLOGUE TO THE MIDNIGHT HOUR. 9 
 
 Hop — Step — and jump — and by the same remark, 
 Now Drury-Lane is here in Heathjield Park. — 
 Our players too — a comic motley show — 
 Are all like those in London whom you know. 
 
 First, Brother John — a Cambridge maccaroni — 
 Swaggers like Palmer — near as stout and bony ; — 
 With voice as loud. — If Palmer's rather bigger, 
 Yet John is certainly the better figure. 
 
 Next Bob, a famous fellow at a lunch — 
 Like Parsons droll, though not so much like Punch. — 
 Parsons, and Quick, by squeaking out, before 
 They enter, set the galleries in a roar : — 
 Robert * more easy, natural, and quiet. 
 Will gain applause, though not with so much riot j 
 He'll lay no clap traps, practise no finesse ; 
 But with true humour vindicate success. 
 
 * His potcmpovaries at Eton School will remember the effect of his 
 speaking the Ibam forte Via, of HoRACx:, and the Di Immortales, of 
 Terence. 
 
10 rUOLOGUE TO THE MIDNIGHT HOUR. 
 
 Then Brother Frank, who plays a servant's part — 
 (I wish he may have got it all by heart) 
 An idle rogue ; though smart enough and clever — 
 To act like Lewis will be his endeavour. 
 
 Next come the Ladies — Well, and what of tlrem ? 
 Of Sister Mary, and her friend, Miss M? 
 The latter plays the Spanish Gouveinante — 
 An old Duenna, or Tartuffish Aunt ; 
 But though in semblance she's the very part, 
 And her tongue gives what flows not from the heart ; 
 And though with dowdy dress her figure m airing, 
 In form and air she's Abingdoyi or Farren. 
 
 Our Sister Mary next, brimful of glee ; 
 All life, and spirit, and song, and harmony. — 
 A little tit — scarce higher than your hand : — 
 The true/ac simile of Mrs. Bland: — 
 Nay more, (the parallel is no absurd one,^ 
 She'll sing Storace, and she'll act the Jordan. 
 
PROLOGUE TO THE MIDNIGHT HOUR. 11 
 
 Our Sister Charlotte too, (nice girl I'fegs,) 
 Comes in boy's clothes ! and — we shall see her legs ! 
 Her legs ? — And what can tempt them to expose 
 Their slender ankles, and their petty toes ? 
 Not the legs merely — Oh ! the little witches ! 
 They love to show, how well they wear the breeches. 
 
 Then last, and least, poor little I appear ; 
 With two huge fellow-servants *' in my rear. 
 For them I beg your favour to invoke ; 
 Unpractised in these arts — plain country folk \ — 
 Who kindly thus contributing their labours, 
 Perform the real parts of friends and neighbours : 
 But for myself, though vain may be the task, yet 
 Your minikin performer, poor Pinbasket 
 (Should you allow his pigmy talents scope,) 
 Is anxious to indulge one wish, one hope ; — 
 
 =^ Two joung men of the village of Heathfield. 
 
12 
 
 PROLOGUE TO THE MIDNIGHT HOUR. 
 
 I 
 
 (A Poet's license — 'tis a flight Pindaric) — 
 That little Charles may prove — a little Garrick ! 
 
 Thus in rude verse, and doggerel rhime, I've shewn ye 
 Our mimic band — our Dramatis Persona; 
 And now they're ready to exert each power. 
 To entertain you with The Midnight Hour ; 
 So I must in, and of my part observant, 
 Will be my Master's, and your — humble servant. 
 
EPILOGUE TO THE MIDNIGHT HOUR. 
 
 Acted at Heathjield Parle, Januarij 3, 1793. 
 (Spoken by Miss N. in the Character of Flora,) 
 
 Now the Play's over — does it not seem flat, 
 Without a little more oi female chat ? 
 Without a line or two of Epilogue ? 
 So I just gave our Manager a jog : 
 
 But he exclaimed — "What, sit down now to write — Ha ? 
 " Without a thought? — Minerva too invitdf 
 Talked of your patience, and quousque tandem — 
 Some Latin nonsense ! — I don't understand him. 
 None of your stuff, said I ; — I must be heard : — 
 (For Ladies should have always the last word) ; 
 
14 
 
 EPILOGUE TO THE MIDNIGHT HOUR. 
 
 And as I found him such a churlish elf, 
 Declared I'd try an Epilogue myself. 
 
 Name then the strain, that Flora's hand shall touch :- 
 France, or the Times ? the Drama, or the Dutch * ? 
 On every theme we equal power display; 
 And though the men would teach us to obey. 
 We'll make them bow to our superior sway. 
 While the just ardour of association 
 Pervades with generous warmth the loyal nation ; 
 While all male Britons, true and patriotic, 
 Unite to quell conspiracies exotic ; — 
 We Women will rise up, pursue their plan ; 
 Assert our Rights, and crush the Rights of Man ; 
 With flap of fans effect our Revolution — 
 Then shall the toast be — Queen and Constitution 
 Down with the vile thrum Cap of Liberty :■— 
 Then Freedom's banners/^ma/e caps shall be ; 
 
 * The Revolution in Holland then in progress. 
 
EPILOGUE TO THE MIDNIGHT HOUR. 
 
 And soon we'll prove the reign of petticoats, 
 The real government of Sans Culottes. 
 
 We owe to France, so \\Tetched I once, so gay ! 
 Translated and adopted, this our play ; — 
 Yet those who grace the Midnight Hour, will mark 
 How France and England differ in the dark : — 
 While diere, destruction, tumult, and affright, 
 Give deeper horrors to the gloom of night ; 
 Here, cheerful Peace, secure from all annoy, 
 Can make the Midnight Hour, an hour of joy. 
 
 But now, perhaps, our failings to excuse 
 Were better timed than politics or news. 
 Should we, like Nicolas, to please our friends, 
 Have bustled long, yet failed to gain our ends : — 
 If lame, like Ambrose, these our troops — yet hold! 
 Though lame as Ambrose, let us feel ?is bold. 
 Warm as our GeneraVs, each breast of yours 
 Tunis censure, like old Cicely, out of doors : — 
 
16 EPILOGUE TO THE MIDNIGHT HOUR. 
 
 And still we find you, where we need correction, 
 Deaf, as Mat Mas, to each imperfection. 
 
 Take, then, in recompense of yom- good nature, 
 This heartfelt wish, in heu of jest or satire : — 
 " Long may the tenour of each future year 
 " Be happiness, unmingled with a tear : — 
 " Ne'er may you feel, from Fortune's changeful power, 
 " A time less pleasing than this — Midnight Hour" 
 
EPILOGUE TO LOVE A-LA-MODE. 
 
 Acted at Heatlificid Park, January 2, 1 794. 
 (Spoken by Miss N. in the Character of Charlotte.) 
 
 Well! — I've escap'd! — and am rejoic'd to find 
 I've left my train of lovers all behind. — 
 Should Charlotte, ^vith her spirit, meanly stoop, 
 And condescend to choose from such a group ? 
 Of folly, or of pride, to be the prey ? 
 Oh no ! — How glad I am 'twas but a play. 
 
 Thus oft at night, when turbid thoughts molest, 
 And wayward fancy wrings the tortur'd breast, 
 Distress'd, despairing, driv'n to the extreme ; — 
 Happy we wake, and find 'twas all a dream, 
 
 c 
 
18 EPILOGUE TO LOVE A-LA-MODE. 
 
 Strange ! that an Author should have racked his brams. 
 To tease a damsel with such uncouth swains ! 
 Ladies — I'll ask — would any one of you 
 Endure the trifling of a tawdry Jew * ? 
 To hear him tattle o'er a dish of tea, 
 " You shweetest girl that ever I vas shee ?" — (Mimics.) 
 Or gently woo, while o'er your chair he lolls, 
 With converse sw'eet of — " Three per shent. conshols." — 
 
 (Mimics.) 
 
 And oh, kind stars ! avert the horrid doom, 
 To live with gambling jockies, and ^squire Groom. 
 A race of beings of uncommon breed — 
 All knoz&ing ones, who neither write nor read : — 
 Unawed by shame, unheeding of a sin, 
 Who deem it sport to take each other in : 
 But though the 'squire his jockeyship may boast ; 
 'Tis " he has run the zcrong side of the post" 
 
 Nor let me sacrifice a heart sincere 
 To sly Sir Archi/'sf sharp sarcastic sneer : 
 
 * Beau Mordecai. f Sir Archy Maesarcasm. 
 
EPILOGUE TO LOVE A-LA->rODE. 19 
 
 To him, whose breast, engrossed by sordid pelf, 
 No love can cherish, but the love of self : — 
 Whose haughty pride all wortli and sense o'erlooks, 
 " If nae descended frae Lairds, Earls, or Duks.'^ — 
 
 (Mimics.) 
 
 E'en from Sir Call * too, my betrothed spouse, 
 I must recal my rash, ill promis'd vows. — 
 Droll ! to make him the hero of the piece ! 
 But Romans Rome, and Grecian's favoured Greece : 
 Just so our Author t; for the cunning elf 
 Was Dublin born — an Irishman himself : 
 Who by one act his countrymen would prove 
 Pure patterns of disinterested love. 
 
 Sir Call and ArcJiy these distinctions part : — 
 Sir Archy has a head without a heart ; 
 And of Sir Call it may be ti'uly said, 
 He has a heart, but lives without a head. — (Mimics.) 
 
 * Sir Callaghan O'Brallaghan. f Macklin ihe player, 
 
 C 2 
 
20 EPILOGUE TO LOVE A-LA-MODE. 
 
 While thus their different characters I chalk ; 
 And my tongue trips in Tipper ary talk; (Mimics.) 
 'Tis truth, though seemingly a bull ; I'd rather, 
 The head and heart went hand in hand together. — 
 
 (Mimics.) 
 Sir Call is brave and generous — there's his claim : 
 But each true British soldier is the same. 
 Nor let the sportings of a playful muse 
 The poison of false prejudice diffuse ; 
 But with congenial spirit freely own, 
 That England, Ireland, Scotland, all are one : 
 Connected by the same cementing cause — 
 Their equal liberties, and equal laws : — 
 Their virtues flowing from one common spring — 
 The great example of — a virtuous King. 
 Yet may not Charlotte, prejudice apart, 
 Give preference to an honest English heart ? 
 For why to distant realms for virtues roam ? 
 Virtues — that in full vigour bloom at home. 
 
EPILOGUE TO LOVE A-LA-MODE. 21 
 
 Content, if here in one she chance to find 
 
 Wit Avith good-humour, sense M'ith learning, join'd, 
 
 The accomphsh'd person, and the polish'd mind : 
 
 Such — such would be my choice. — Yet on reflection ; 
 
 As 'tis not human to be all perfection ; 
 
 H e may have one defect. — I'm most inclin'd 
 
 To wish, that he may prove a little blind"-^ 
 
 Blind to my failings ; — yet I'd have him see 
 
 As much of beauty as he can in me : 
 
 And though some folks may laugh, and make their sport, 
 
 Because some other folks are soiftewhat short; 
 
 Transform'd at once in his enchanted eyes, 
 
 I may appear, perhapsj/afr, tall, and wise. — 
 
 If, guardian, you can find out such a man ; 
 
 Let him pursue, and catch me — if he can. 
 
 {Runs off.) 
 
 The Reader may judge of the representation of Love a-la-Mode upon 
 this occasion, when he learns, that the Author's friend, Mr. Isaac 
 Reed, who went from London on purpose to be present, declared, 
 " that he never saw Sir Archy Macsarcasm better, nor Beau Mordecui 
 so well, performed." 
 
A HAPPY REVIEW. 
 
 Written in the Year 1803, when the Author was Three-score, 
 
 In my youth I was careless and gay ; 
 
 Freely joining in pleasure's career : 
 'Twas the spring-time of life — it was Mai/ — 
 
 I ne'er thought of the date of the year. 
 
 But to vice's allurements not prone, 
 
 Busy Lcve whispered soft in my ear, 
 
 There's no comfort in living alone ; — 
 
 And pray look to the date of the year. 
 
 My fond heart gave assent, beating high. 
 
 And acknowledged the maid that was dear : — 
 
 Ready Hymen soon fastened the tie : — 
 Ever blest be the date of that year ! 
 
, A HAPPY REVIEW. 
 
 Many summers rolled on, full of joy, 
 
 Many winters, that never were drear ; — 
 
 And oft-times, or a girl, or a boy. 
 
 Gave delight to the date of the year. 
 
 Bred in harmony, virtue, and truth, 
 
 Happy faces around me appear ; 
 And the grateful affections of youth 
 
 Prove a balm to the date of the year. 
 
 While old friends, full of sense, taste, and knowledge. 
 Sweeten life with attachment sincere j 
 
 And the stories of school, and of college. 
 
 Seem improved from the date of the year. 
 
 Thus I've lived till my hair is grown grey ; 
 
 And still pleasantly move in my sphere ; 
 For December is cheerful as May ; 
 
 And CONTENT meets the date of the year. 
 
CUPID AND CHLOE. 
 
 ht 
 
 * Go ! go along! you idle boy. 
 For ever far from me : — 
 Your winning wiles no more employ ; 
 My heart shall still be free. 
 
 Though I could laugh, you look so sad, 
 I grieve to give you pain : 
 
 Then hither come ; be gay and glad ; — 
 Come ! come to me again ! 
 
 * These words were written and adapted to a little comic air pre- 
 viously composed; and it thus became one of the '* Five Canzonets 
 BY A Lady." 
 
A FAREWELL TO HEATHFIELD PARK. 
 
 Intended as a Sixth, after the printing of " The Five Can- 
 zonets," hut not set to Music by the Lady. 
 
 Sweet sylvan scenes ! where late my feet, 
 
 Untired, unconscious, strayed ; 
 Oft shall my roving fancy greet 
 
 Your soft sequestered shade. 
 
 Or oft the venturous path shall trace, 
 
 That winds along the steep. 
 And with a slow, and fearful pace, 
 
 Scarce to the summit creep : 
 
 When sudden burst upon the sight, 
 
 Smooth lawns in verdure gay, 
 And distant prospects, rich delight — 
 
 Ah ! could I with you stay : 
 
 Sweet sylvan scenes, &c. 
 
 This Farewell, and the Return have been lately set as Glees by 
 Dr. Crotch. 
 
THE RETURN TO HEATHFIELD PARK. 
 
 Hail ! all the dear delights once more, 
 That cheer thy rude domain ; 
 
 What joy ! thy sylvan haunts t' explore ! 
 Thy beauties to regain ! 
 
 The bold blue hills' majestic line, — 
 The plains, the distant sea, — 
 
 Deep glens, and woods, and lawns, combine 
 In richest harmony. 
 
 But the lov'd scenes we here descry 
 
 A latent spell impart ; 
 And, while they lure the wand'ring eye, 
 
 Arrest the captive heart. 
 
 The sweet enchantress then we'll own. 
 Whose charms our breasts inspire : 
 
 'Tis Nature ! — Nature's self alone. 
 In all her wild attire. 
 
SONNET 
 
 On the Death of the Lady, the Composer of " The Five 
 Canzonets," in January ^ 1804. 
 
 Farewell, blest Spirit! — Angel pure, farewell ! 
 
 No longer here thy dulcet notes inspire : — 
 Yet on thy strains shall fond remembrance dwell ; 
 
 Recall thy plaintive tones, thy pleasing fire, 
 When sorrow soft, or jocund joy, they tell. 
 
 While tuneful fingers wake tli' according wire. — 
 Oh happier fate ! — from earth remov'd, to swell 
 
 The Hallelujahs of the heavenly choir. 
 
A VERSION OF THE LORD'S PRAYER. 
 
 The Suggestion, and the Solace, of a sleepless Night. 
 
 Father in Heaven! — Almighty Lord ! — - 
 For ever be thy Name adored ! 
 Thy Kingdom come ! Let us fulfil 
 On earth, as Saints in Heaven, thy will :— 
 Give us this day our daily bread : — 
 On our frail hearts thy grace be shed, 
 That unoffending we may live ; 
 And forgive us, as we forgive : — 
 Amidst the temptings of the devil, 
 Oh Lord 1 deliver us from evil ; — 
 For all is thine ! In thee unite. 
 Dominion, majesty, and might, 
 Most holy ! glorious ! and sublime ! 
 For ever, and beyond all time. 
 
 Jmen. 
 
VERSES, 
 
 Written at the request o/'Dr. Crotch, and set as a Glee and 
 Chorus for the Anniversary of the Royal Society of 
 Musicians ; accompanied by a Band of Wind Instru- 
 ments. 
 
 Hail, Sympathy! divinely born, 
 
 Sweet soother of the soul ! 
 Who seek'st the helpless, and forlorn, 
 
 To aid with kind control ! 
 
 'Tis thine to cheer the minstrel's heart ; 
 
 When low his sands are running : 
 When his faint voice denies its art, 
 
 " His hands forget their cunning." 
 
 When gone, and in the grave he lies, 
 Borne down by weight of years ; 
 
 'Tis thine, to hush the orphan's cries, 
 And dry the widow's tears. 
 
30 VERSES, &C, 
 
 Then shall the sons of song rejoice. 
 Their grateful strains shall raise ; 
 
 And every heart in every voice 
 Shall celebrate thy praise : 
 
 And while thy care, thy power benign, 
 
 In vocal peals they hail ; 
 The breathing instruments shall join, 
 
 And swell the tuneful gale. 
 
ON THE RETURN OF OUR GREAT 
 WARRIOR. 
 
 Loud sounds the name of Wellington! 
 With frantic joy the people run ; 
 And round him press, and tease, and torture ; 
 Nor give to him, ^vhat he gave, quarter. 
 
 Not so the wise and polished few ; 
 Who when the victor comes in view, 
 
 ith silent awe the wonder see. 
 Or only whisper— — " TJiat is He." 
 
Q. HORATII FLACCI 
 
 EPISTOLA II. 
 
 LIBER I. 
 
 Irojani belli scriplorem, maxime Lolli, 
 
 Duni tu declamas Roraae, Prseneste relegi : 
 
 Qui, quid sit pulchrum, quid turpe, quid utile, quid non, 
 
 Plenius ac melius Chrysippo et Crantore dicit. 
 
 Cur ita crediderim (nisi quid te detinet) audi. 
 
TRANSLATION 
 
 OF THE 
 
 SECO^sD EPISTLE OF HORACE 
 
 TO LOLLIUS. 
 
 Homer is preferred to the Philosophers as a Moral Writer, and 
 the early Cultivation of Virtue is recommended. 
 
 Whilst you at Rome, my friend, with great applause, 
 
 Exert your eloquence in virtue's cause. 
 
 Secluded at Prseneste, I've read o'er 
 
 The writer of the Trojan war, once more ; 
 
 Who shews what's great, or base; what's good, what not 
 
 Better than Stoics, — in his ampler plot. 
 
 If you're at leisure, for awhile give ear; 
 
 For these my sentiments, my reasons hear. 
 
 * This translation was an exercise j given to the head boys at 
 Merchant Taylors' School, as a task for the Easter Holidays, in the 
 year 1762. 
 
34 Q. HORATII FLACCI EPIS. II. 
 
 Fabula, qua Paridis propter narratur amorein 
 Gr^ecia Barbariae lento collisa duello, 
 Stultorum reguni, et populorum continet aestus. 
 Antenor censet belli przecedere causam. 
 Quid Paris ? ut salvus regnet, vivatque beatus, 
 Cogi posse negat. Nestor componere lites 
 Inter Peliden festiuat, et inter Atriden. 
 Hunc amor, ira quidem communiter urit utrumque. 
 Quicquid delirant Reges, plectuntur Achivi. 
 Seditione, dolis, scelere, atque libidine, et ira, 
 ]liacos intr^ muros peccatur, et extr^. 
 
 Rursuni, quid virtus, et quid sapientia possit, 
 Utile proposuit nobis exemplar Ulyssem : 
 Qui domitor Trojae, multorum providus urbes, 
 Et mores hominum inspexit, latumque per aequor, 
 
THE SECOND EPISTLF. OF HORAf F. 
 
 The broils of madmen, and of foolish kings, 
 In his immortal fable, Homer sings. 
 Urged on to strife by Helen's powerful charms, 
 Ten years the foes obdurate vie in arms. 
 " Cut off the cause of warfare; — we're to blame ;" 
 Antenor cries; — "restore the captive dame." 
 Paris indignant will not yield, to gain 
 A life of happiness, a peaceful reign. 
 Sage Nestor strives the discord to compose, 
 That 'twixt Pelides and Atrides rose. 
 One burns with love ; but both with rage and hate. 
 Their sovereign's frenzies subjects expiate. — 
 Sedition, fraud, and fury, lust and sin, 
 Transgress without the city, and within. 
 
 To shew what virtue, wisdom, sense, can do, 
 Ulysses is exemplified to view ; 
 Who, after Troy's proud bulwarks were effaced, 
 Saw various nations, and their customs traced; 
 
 D 2 
 
36 Q. HORATII FLACCI EPIS. IT. 
 
 Dum sibi, diim sociis reditum parat, aspera multa 
 Pertulit, adversis rerum immersabilis undis. 
 Sirenum voces, et Circes pocula nosti : 
 Quze si cum sociis stultus cupidusque bibisset, 
 Sub doming meretrice fuisset turpis et excors : 
 Vixisset canis immundus, vel arnica luto sus. 
 
 Nos nuraerus sumus, et fruges consumere nati : 
 Sponsi Penelopes, nebulones, Alcinoique 
 In cute curanda plus aequo operata juventus : 
 Cui pulchruni fuit in medios dormire dies, et 
 Ad strepitum citharze cessatum ducere curam. 
 
 Ut jugulent homines, surgunt de nocte latrones : 
 Ut teipsum serves, non expergisceris ? atqui 
 Si noles sanus, curres hydropicus : et ni 
 
THE SECOND EPISTLE OF HORACE. 37 
 
 And, bending home to Ithaca his course, 
 With his companions, firmly braved the force 
 Of tempests and distress ; supreme he buoy'd 
 Above adversity's o'erwhelming tide. 
 You know the Siren's songs ; — insidious cheat ! 
 And Circe's cup ; — that fascinating treat : 
 Which tasted, he had lived a groveling brute, 
 With his mad mates, and served the prostitute. 
 
 We are the many, destined from our birth 
 To batten on the produce of the earth ; 
 Mere danglers ; — anxious like Alcinous' race. 
 Their skin alone to pamper and to grace : 
 Who dozed till mid-day, and then lulled their cares. 
 With the harp's soothing and seductive airs. 
 
 When cut-throats fierce invade your house at night, 
 To save your all, will you not rouse and fight ? 
 Anticipate in health the impending ill, 
 Lest dire disease demand the doctor's skill. 
 
38 U, HORATII FLACCI EPIS. II, 
 
 Posces ante diem libruui cum lumine, si non 
 lutendes animum studiis, et rebus honestis ; 
 Invidia vel amore vigil torquebere. nam cur 
 Quae Izedunt oculos, festinas demere ; si quid 
 Est animum, differs curandi tempus in annum ? 
 Dimidium facti, qui coepit, habet. Sapere aude 
 Incipe : vivendi rect^ qui prorogat lioram, 
 Rusticus expectat, dum defluat amnis; at ille 
 Labitur, et labetur in omne volubilis aevum. 
 
 Quasritur argentum, puerisque beata creandis 
 Uxor, et incultae pacantur vomere sylvae. 
 
THE SECOND EPISTLE OF HORACE. 39 
 
 Then take your taper ere the break of day, 
 In books and business pass your hours away ; 
 Or, when awake, and unemploy'd, you'll find, 
 That love, or envy, will torment your mind. 
 Why from your eyes do you so soon remove 
 With care those objects which offensive prove ? 
 And yet if aught corrode your anxious breast, 
 You still neglect it, and are still oppressed. 
 When once begun, the work is half complete : 
 Dare nobly then ! — aspire to wisdom's seat. 
 Begin ! — for who the present hour delays 
 
 To mend his life, in hope of better days, 
 
 Is like the rustic, as the stream flows by, 
 
 Expecting soon to see the channel dry ; 
 
 But while he idly views the moving tide. 
 
 It still glides on, and will for ever glide. 
 To seek for riches, a prolific wife, 
 
 And plenteous harvests, are the cares of life. 
 
40 U. IIORATII FLACCI EPIS. II. 
 
 Quod satis est; cui contingit, nihil amplius optet. 
 
 Noil domus et fundus, non aeris acervus et auri, 
 
 iEgroto domini deduxit corpoie febres, 
 
 Non animo curas. valeat possessor oportet, 
 
 Si comportatis rebus bene cogitat uti. 
 
 Qui cupit aut metuit, juvat ilium sic domus, aut res, 
 
 Ut lippum pictse tabulge, fomenta podagram. 
 
 Auriculas cithar® coUecta sorde dolentes. 
 
 Sincerum est nisi vas, quodcunque infundis, acescit. 
 
 Sperne voluptates : nocet empta dolore voluptas. 
 
 Semper avarus eget : certum voto pete finem. 
 
 Invidus alterius macrescit rebus opimis. 
 
 Invidia Siculi non invenere tyranni 
 
 Majus tormentum. qui non moderabitur iiie, 
 
THE SECOND EPISTLE OF HORACE. 
 
 With competence endued, content remain : 
 
 Nor house, nor lands, nor heaps of gold, or grain, 
 
 Can ease the anxious mind ; or e'er assuage 
 
 Corporeal ills, or calm a fever's rage. 
 
 The man who would enjoy his hoards of wealth, 
 
 Another treasure wants, — a hoard of health. 
 
 When wild desires, or fears, distract the heart, 
 
 Houses and lands no more delight impart 
 
 Than painted prospects yield to eyes grown dim. 
 
 Than fomentations to the gouty limb ; 
 
 Or to deaf ears the harp, or hallow'd hymn. 
 
 The liquor sours, unless the cask be pure. 
 
 Abandon pleasures : pleasures pain ensure. 
 
 Still let the miser crave : your wants restrain : 
 
 A neighbour's welfare gives the envious pain. 
 
 Sicilia's barbarous tyrants could not find 
 
 A torment greater, than an envious mind. 
 
Q. HORATII FLACCI EPIS. II. 
 
 Infectum volet esse, dolor quod suaserit et mens, 
 Dum poenas odio per vim festinat inulto. 
 Ira furor brevis est. animum rege ; qui nisi paret, 
 Imperat; hunc frenis, hunc tu compesce catena. 
 Fingit equum tenera docilem cervice raagister 
 Ire viam, quam monstrat eques ; venaticus, ex quo 
 Tempore cervinam pellem latravit in aula, 
 Militat in sylvis catulus. nunc adbibe puro 
 Pectore verba, puer; nunc te melioribus offer. 
 Quo semel est imbuta receus, servabit odorem 
 Testa diu. qu6d si cessas, aut strenuus anteis. 
 Nee tardum opperior, nee praecedentibus insto. 
 
THF SECOND EPISTLE OF HORACE. 43 
 
 Govern your anger ; or too soon you'll know, 
 That anger's paroxysms end in woe. 
 Ire is brief frenzy : reason must preside, 
 And curb the mind, lest passion be its guide. 
 The skilful rider forms the docile horse 
 To obey the rein, and take the destined course. 
 Once used at home to bay the hide, the hound 
 Will hunt the deer, and make the woods resound. 
 
 In your young breast, yet pure, imprint these rules ; 
 Then learn the precepts taught in higher schools. 
 New vessels will retain awhile the savour, 
 Which they at first imbibe, — perhaps for ever : 
 But should you stop, or strenuously precede ; 
 I'll neither hasten, nor retard my speed. 
 
THE TERRORS OF THE ROD. 
 
 Occasioned by the Denial that this Instrument of Correction 
 ivas used at Ladies Schools. 
 
 In long black gown, and Bushy Wig, 
 With eyes fierce scowling, swelling big, 
 Exclaims the savage pedagogue ; — 
 " That blockhead instantly I'll flog." 
 
 In vain the attempt to assuage his fury : — 
 The tyrant here is judge, and jury. 
 As well as executioner : — 
 And right or Avrong, boys oft incur 
 The punishment ; for he its fitness 
 Determines with, or without, witness : 
 And as his sovereign will is law, 
 No want of proof, no friendly flaw, 
 
THE TERRORS OF THE ROD. 45 
 
 Nor e'en entreaty, nor repentance, 
 Can e'er avert the cruel sentence. 
 
 " Bring me the rod ! — down — take hirn down ! 
 " No more excuses — I'll hear none." — 
 Then proudly rising from his seat — 
 The bare-breeched victim at his feet — 
 Thrice the dread twigs from the utmost height, 
 He switches down with all his might: — 
 Then stops, haranguing with a lecture, 
 'Gainst crimes that call for this corrector : — 
 Or oft conveys, between each stroke, 
 The keener cutting of a joke : 
 Till with exertion somewhat spent, 
 His sated vengeance will relent : 
 Though not till many a twig and bud 
 Have flushed the parts with streaks of blood. 
 
 Thus, as from habits bad, no doubt 
 Wise Doctors teach us to let out 
 
46 THE TERRORS OF THE ROD. 
 
 The peccant humours, amply he 
 
 Administers phlebotomy : 
 
 And yet old Busby herein errs, 
 
 Like other vain philosophers ;— 
 
 For he translates (what ne'er was taught 'em) 
 
 Phlebotomy^ — to flay the bottom. 
 
 With equal, yet less harsh, command, 
 This sceptre sways the female hand ; 
 When Misses, at the boarding school, 
 Require the Governess's rule ; — 
 Whose spreading, Stick-up-Cap imparts. 
 Like Busby Wig, ideal smarts; 
 And the tremendous Top-Knot's nod 
 Oft-times anticipates the Rod. 
 
 But hold ! rash mortal ! — would you venture 
 Where no male foot shall dare to enter ? — 
 Save, when at first for preparation. 
 The new-breeched urchins pass probation : 
 
THE TERRORS OF THE ROD. +7 
 
 Before they are yet grown so big, 
 
 As to submit to tyrant Jfig. 
 
 Beware! — beware! Sir, how you're found : — 
 
 Remember 'tis Dame Tickler's ground ; 
 
 And if by chance you're here caught creeping, 
 
 You'll pay severely, Sir, for peeping. 
 
 So far advanced, I must on still ; 
 Till I the fearful task fulfil :— 
 Then oh ! — ye Muses, I invoke ! — 
 Hide me, with petticoat or cloak ! 
 Inspire me too, (for ye best know it, 
 Ye Governesses of the Poet) 
 The Terrors of the Rod to wield ; 
 Like W , B , or S Id. 
 
 The Muses heard — and made a pause — 
 Just to consider of the cause : 
 And one of them, a little prudish. 
 Conceived the intrusion somewhat rudish ; 
 
48 THE TERRORS OF THE ROD. 
 
 But she, who rules o'er Comedy, 
 Whate'er appearances might be, 
 Saw no occasion for alarm ; 
 Assured the bard would do no harm : — 
 And if her sisters would not stop her, 
 She promised them, that nought improper 
 From his admission should ensue, 
 The secrets of the school to view. — 
 She knew full well the present suitor ; 
 For lately she had been his tutor *. 
 
 The Muses smiled, and gave consent : — 
 When, whisk, at once away I went ! 
 And, what was still more odd, and risible, 
 I found myself become invisible; 
 And slily seated on a stool, 
 Among a pack of girls at school ! — 
 
 * Alluding no doubt lo the Prologue and Epilogues. 
 
THE TERRORS OF THE ROD. 49 
 
 All tongues ! as fast as they could chatter ! — • 
 Sure never \vas there such a clatter I— 
 But one, much louder than the rest, 
 Amused them with a mighty jest — 
 A word ! — she had picked up in the street ! 
 A word I — the bard will not repeat. 
 
 Now, hushed at once the little band, , 
 Behold ! the Governess, so grand, 
 The school-room enters! — not a M'ord, 
 Where all was riot — now is heard ! 
 Each head, by her majestic look, 
 Bent down, on sampler, or on book ! 
 When lo ! the gloomy, lowering eye, 
 Prognosticates a storm is nigh : — 
 Too sure a presage ! — Says the dame, 
 " What girl, as down the stairs I came, 
 " Dared utter that vile naughty word, 
 " Which never in my school was heard ? 
 
 E 
 
50 THE TEREORS OF THE ROD. 
 
 " If now this instant you wo'n't own 
 
 " Who 'twas — I'll whip you every one.*' 
 
 All — all — were ready then to cry — 
 " 'Twas not me, Ma'am — 'Twas Betsy Fry" 
 " Who — Betsy Fry^ — I'm quite ashamed — 
 " Such a great girl ! — to hear her named : 
 " But for this crime, a whipping ample 
 " Shall be to others an example. 
 " Indecent wretch ! — You, Sally Treacher, 
 " Go run up stairs, and tell the teacher, 
 " To bring that rod she made, just new, 
 " And tied up with a ribbon blue : — 
 " Then such a punishment I'll give ; 
 " As you'll remember, while you live. 
 " No begging, Miss, will be of use, 
 " For such a crime, there's no excuse — 
 " No further parley!" — Here Miss Glynn 
 With the grand instrument came in : — 
 
THE TERRORS OF THE ROD. 
 
 So smartly tied up with a bow, 
 It might be deemed a rod for show : 
 Yet though thus elegant the plan. 
 And wide expanded, like a fan ; — 
 When well applied, each twig apart 
 Would tend to multiply the smart. 
 
 " You know. Miss Glywi, it is my rule, 
 " When wicked words invade my school, 
 " T' employ this instrument of pain, 
 " To whip, and drive them out again : — 
 " So down with that vile hussy Fry, 
 " That I may flog her instantly." 
 
 The ready teacher then. Miss Gli/mi, 
 (A thorough friend to discipline) 
 Proceeds the culprit straight to seize, 
 Crying, and begging, on her knees : — 
 But vain her tears, and vain her prayer ! — 
 She laid her down across a chair. 
 
 E 2 
 
52 THE TERRORS OF THE ROD- 
 
 The governess now takes her stand : 
 The birchen sceptre in her hand — 
 With lofty air, inspiring awe ; 
 And upraised arm to inforce the law — 
 She shakes the whistling twigs, and then, 
 Whip — whip — whip — whip — intlicts the pain 
 Now pauses ; — while Miss roars aloud, 
 Sad warnings to the little crowd : — 
 Crying — " Oh ! dear Ma'am, pray give o'er, 
 " I never will do so no more." — 
 In vain : — the rod's reiterations 
 Produce fresh pauses, fresh orations. 
 " These stripes I'm sorry to impart ; 
 " But 'tis for your own good you smart. — 
 " Who spares the rod will spoil the child ! — 
 " By me the proverb sha'n't be spoiled," 
 This brought the conflict to a close ; 
 When quick the smarting culprit rose. 
 
THE TEnilORS OF THE ROD. 53 
 
 The governess, with awful state, 
 And head erect, resumed her seat : — 
 Then calling up her victim, Fry, 
 (Sobbing, and wiping either eye), 
 Descanted, with all due reflection, 
 On crimes provoking such correction : — 
 But still, to heighten the impression 
 Of punishment, for this transgression. 
 On a high stool she made her perch ; 
 And in her bosom stuck the birch ; — 
 Warning the school 'gainst cnmes, and errors, — 
 By the grand triumph of its terrors. 
 
EPIGRAMS 
 
 ON SET SUBJECTS ; WRITTEN FOR SOME OF THE AUTHOR* 
 YOUNG FRIENDS, AT MERCHANT TAYLOR's SCHOOL, 
 ON THE ELECTION DAYS. 
 
 Dant animos plagig. 
 
 The great Doctors in Physic, the Law, and the Church, 
 By the Wags have been called the Productions of Birch : 
 From that Tree grew their Wit too, so let them be 
 
 merry ; — 
 But good Scholarship here is the Fruit — of a Cherry*. 
 
 * The Name of the worthy Master of the School. 
 
56 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 Novus rerum nascitur ordo. 
 
 Tu'^Nezo Orde?' of Things ! Aye! The French Revolu- 
 tion! 
 The Grand Cure for the Ills of each weak Constitution ! 
 Which by Freedom, Fraternity , Equalization, 
 Would all Europe unite in one " Family Nation." 
 Ask the Fleming, the German, the Spaniard, the Swiss, 
 What they've gained by such Friendship? — " A Brotherly 
 
 Kiss." 
 Ask the cold wary Dutchma7i, the warm Portugueze, 
 What their compacts produced ? — " Ajt Affectionate 
 
 Squeeze." 
 But by such a connexion pray what should we get ? 
 " Why a riddance at once of your National Debt.*' 
 A mere quibble, Monsieur! But we are not such gulls ; 
 For instead of Consols, we should then have Consuls. 
 
EPIGRAMS. 57 
 
 Fronti nulla Jides. 
 
 Clakinda, when in beauty's prime, 
 Seein'd proof against the power of time 
 But lo ! those eyes, so bright and blue, 
 Now dim, and of a doubtful hue ; 
 Those cheeks, so prodigal of bloom, 
 Alas ! a borrowed tint assume : — 
 Yet still her auburn locks o'erspread. 
 And wave, and v/anton, from her head, 
 As heretofore, in ringlets big ; — 
 But ah! they wanton — from a Wig. 
 
58 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 Commendat rario7' usvs. 
 
 Dick was a downright jolly fellow; 
 And upright too, when not too mellow. 
 Snug at the Angel every day, 
 He moistened well his mass of clay; 
 And thought, while taking in his leaven, 
 The AngeVs drops were drops from Heaven 
 'Till by indulgence he, at length. 
 Lost both his appetite and strength. 
 A well intentioned hearty friend, 
 Who saw Dick hastening to his end. 
 Apprized him of the growing evil ; 
 And that this Angel was the Devil, 
 Who thus had sapped his constitution ; 
 And, if he had not resolution 
 To shun the bait, he soon must die. — 
 " Oh ! then the tempter I'll defy"— 
 
EPIGRAMS. 59 
 
 Cries Dick. — With firm resolve intent, 
 Next day he past the Angel went. — 
 The Angel creaked upon its hinge ; 
 Which gave Dick's tender heart a twinge, — 
 When halting short, and turning, says he ; — 
 " Bravo ! — well done, mi/ little llesy ! — 
 " And now, my boy, you've passed the door; 
 " For that — you shall have one drop more." 
 
 Splendide mendax. 
 
 Sam JoHNbON, when once at the house of a Beau, 
 To the library went — a magnificent show ! 
 
 With delight, mixed with wonder, he stood ; — 
 But conceive how the moralist shrunk back aghast! 
 When he found to the wall that the volumes were fast; 
 
 And nought else but gilt letters on wood. 
 
60 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 Splendide mendax. 
 
 When a seaman * of old 
 
 His famed victory told : — 
 A plain narrative, nought overcharging ; 
 
 He dispatched to his court 
 
 The laconic report 
 Of — " Sunk, burnt, and destroyed, as per margin.^' 
 
 Now your Heroes of France, 
 All their conquests enhance-^ 
 
 " Valour's Prodigies!" — " Marvellous Scenes!" 
 And these new-fangled creatures, 
 Mighty Marshals, — like Meteors — 
 
 Blaze and bounce, in their own bulletins. — 
 
 * Captain, afterwards Admii-al, SiR Guorge Walton; who, in 1718, 
 took, or destroyed, eight ships of war, with two bomh-ketches, a fire -ship, 
 and a ship laden with arms, as appears in the margin of his^ letter. 
 
EPIGRAMS. 61 
 
 Laudator temporis acti se puero. 
 
 Though partial, yet ^ve rarely praise 
 These efforts of our youthful days. 
 They who good Epigrams require, 
 Must draw them from a source still higher. 
 Not form'd and fetter'd, as in schools, 
 By Gradus links, and Lilli/*s rules ; 
 But where th' expanded soul is graced 
 With knowledge, fancy, judgment, taste ; 
 Corrected, fashioned, polished, dressed : — 
 Where the mind's manhood stands confessed 
 When closely knit is every joint, 
 And wit is sharpened to a point. 
 
62 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 Insanirejuvat. 
 
 How blest the youth, who can command 
 
 A vehicle, with Four in Hand! 
 
 Behold his crowded car approach ! 
 
 The rival of the Bristol coach ! 
 
 And see with what success he apes 
 
 His coachman, with his hundred capes ! 
 
 For man and master seem akin, 
 
 Wrapped in their Upper Benjamin *. 
 
 Now all the rare costume we view — 
 
 The Lilli/ shallowf, Togary% too; 
 
 And while he waves the whistling thong, 
 
 And tools^ his high bred Tits\ along; 
 
 Exulting on his mimic stage, 
 
 He's Prime\! Bang up § / — and All the Rage §. 
 
 * The great box coat. f The low white round hat, 
 
 1 The common driving coat. § The terms, or slang of the art. 
 
EPIGRAMS. 63 
 
 Nilfuit unquam tarn dispar sihi. 
 
 The dire contagion, parents dread, 
 All through the village quickly spread ; 
 And mothers, as the mother's duty. 
 Prompt to preserve their daughter's beauty, 
 Called in, ere yet it was too late, 
 The doctor to inoculate. 
 
 Among the rest, poor little Sal, 
 A pretty simple country girl ; 
 Whose mother had begun to trace 
 Her future fortune in her face, 
 Submitted to the doctor's skill. 
 And in due time was taken ill. 
 
 The fell disorder, oft so savage, 
 SaVs features soon began to ravage ; 
 
61- EPIGllAMS. 
 
 And swelled her face to such a size, 
 As shortly closed up both her eyes. — 
 But soon as she could see — alas ! 
 She peeped hito the looking glass : — 
 When starting, she exclaim'd — '^ Oh fie ! 
 " Oh mother! mother! — Vm not /." 
 
 Festina lente. 
 
 BouMD alike to the North, 
 Two young travellers sat forth, 
 
 At Bishopsgate from the Green Dragon. 
 One (alas, a sad check !) 
 By the Mail broke his neck ; — 
 
 The other got safe — by the Waggon. 
 
EPIGRAMS. 65 
 
 Speciosa vocabula rerum. 
 
 Some time ago a Sussex Clown 
 
 Who came to visit London town, — 
 
 A fellow 'cute enough and quick, 
 
 Spied out the house of Qnintin Dick* ; 
 
 And saw the Gemman at his door : — 
 
 Delighted he began to roar, 
 
 And cried ; — " Pray, Zur, is that your neame ?" 
 
 " It is." — " Why mine's the very seame ; 
 
 " But surely, Zur, you've made a scourse -f, 
 
 " And put the cart before the horse : 
 
 " For in that writing there, like printing, — 
 
 " You're Quintin Dick ; now I'm Dick Quintin.' 
 
 * A respectable merchant in the city. 
 f An exchange in the Sussex dialect. 
 
66 EPIGllAMs. 
 
 Semel factum infectum fieri nequit. 
 
 Napoleon — Fortune's favourite child — 
 For universal empire wild ; 
 Froward, impatient, till he crushes 
 The Autocrat of All the Russias ; 
 Nowr sounds to every vassal nation 
 " The dreadful note of preparation." — 
 All muster ready ! — To the North 
 He leads the motley myriads forth. 
 The frontiers passed, the Russian Bear 
 Of the fell conqueror aware, 
 And all his formidable host. 
 Retires aloof from post to post ; — 
 But halts in Borodino's plain : — 
 Napoleon, charging on amain, 
 Exults that he has caught the Chase; — 
 But ah ! — He meets a Bearh Embrace ; 
 
EPIGRAMS. 67 
 
 And gladly from the field withdraws 
 To shun the Russian's deadly paws. — 
 Then hurrying onward, with amaze 
 He views all Moscow in a blaze ; 
 Wherein he meant to winter snug, 
 Secure from old Kutusoff's hug. 
 Confounded, here awhile he lingers, — 
 His projects baffled, — burnt his fingers ; — • 
 Outwitted by the crafty liuss ; 
 Who led him on to this Ne plus. 
 Napoleon now repents at last 
 That e'er the Rubicon he passed ; 
 For lo ! his march must be retraced 
 O'er the wild desarts he made waste ; 
 Where he must cope with two commanders, 
 Mightier than those of France or Flanders, 
 (Who laid his haughty legions low) 
 Field Marshal Frost, and General Snow. 
 
68 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 Parturiunt Monies. 
 
 Lo! the Bank is in travail ! — What a bustle and vapour 
 'Mong the lovers oi gold, and the vot'ries oi paper ! 
 The state doctors assemble in grand consultation, 
 Much alarmed by her throes for the fate of the nation. 
 Some propose of her paper to burn every note ; 
 Burst her coffers ; and set all her guineas afloat. 
 Others urge, quite averse to a measure so rash, 
 A restriction of notes, and retention of cash. — 
 Honest, plain-spoken Jack^-, with surprise and a shrug. 
 Started up, and exclaimed — " It was all a humbug 1" 
 " A nonsensical quibble ! — He must sure be a ninny, 
 " Who knew not that one pound and one made a guinea : 
 " Mere convertible terms ! — and as clear as the sun : — 
 " For a guinea was no more than one pound and one." 
 
 * The late worthy Member for Sussex, so called by his intimate 
 friends. 
 
EPIGRAMS. 69 
 
 Then ye mighty men-midwives ! why make such a 
 pother ? 
 When for all uses one is as good as the other. 
 Tf dame Bank has been frail, an expeit accoucheur 
 Would not hurry, to hazard a birth premature. — 
 Give her time ; and ere long she'll atone for her sins ; — 
 And in Notes, and in Cash, be delivered of Twins. 
 
 JUic unde abii redeo. 
 
 Adam, a bonny Scot, and rogue to boot, 
 Like father Adam, loved forbidden fruit. — 
 'Twas Nature prompted, and at Nature's call, 
 Quickly he mounted up the garden wall ; — 
 But Donald spied him ; and in angry strain, 
 Cried; — " Where d'ye gauug, Sir?" — '* Oh, Sir! — bauck 
 again." 
 
70 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 Vivimus ambitiosd 
 Paupertate omnes. 
 
 From childhood smce the world began, 
 The Boy first apes, then would be, Man. — 
 Ambition is our end and aim : 
 And urchins here affect a Name. 
 Viewing this Row of Reverend Dons *, 
 Some feel a hankering for St. John's : — 
 Some pant for honours at the Bar, 
 And long to wage the wordy Mar ; — 
 To be a Judge, and called iliy Lord, or 
 Cast a sly glance at The Recorder f . 
 But hold ! — for such a thought is vain — 
 " We ne'er shall see his like again." 
 
 * The President and some of the Fellows of St. John's College, 
 Oxford, attend the annual election at Merchant Taylor's School. 
 
 f SiK John Silvf.steb, Baut. who was bred at tlie school, usually 
 among the visitors upon this occasion. 
 
EPIGRAMS. Tl 
 
 Non sapit ille 
 Qui sibi non sapit. 
 
 The greatest Warrior, Statesman, Sage, 
 
 Of this or any former age. 
 
 Was Bonaparte often styled ; 
 
 And Fortune's Champion too, and Child: 
 
 But, knowing Fortune could be fickle, 
 
 And keep for fools a rod in pickle, 
 
 In battle he stood far aloof; 
 
 Aware liis skin was not Ball Proof; — 
 
 And as a General 'gainst defeat 
 
 Wisely secures a good retreat : 
 
 So, were his Numbers forced to run, 
 
 His first great care was — Number One. 
 
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