^^m: .m^:)^m ^:^:^ »^3^^ ^ Sb^ F^aat "i^ *^ ^i^^^, ': .^j I LIBRARY OF CONGRESS, f m $ UNITED STATES OF MRICA.^|^| Mtw .^'m^'.TUM THE New Gospel of Peaci ACCORDING TO ST. BENJAMIN Ignotus omnibus, cog?iitus egomet mihi^ NEW YORK: THE AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, 119 & 121 Nassau Street. 1866. c2^ Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1866, by THE AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, in the office of the Clerk of the Southern District of New York. CrambriOge ^re«». Dakin and Mktcalf. THIS PAGE COULD NOT BE BETTER GRACED THAN WITH THE NAME OF ALFRED PELL A LOYAL GENTLEMAN, A FAITHFUL FRIEND, AND AN ENLIGHTENED AND UNFLINCHING ADVOCATE OF Free Soil and Free Trade. (3) PUBLISHER'S ADVERTISEMENT. T T T^HOEVER may be the author of ''The ^ ' New Gospel of Peace," he has never owned his work to his pubHshers. Whatever opinions they may hold upon the subject of its authorship are only inferential — mere deduc- tions from circumstantial evidence. Upon their application to him, through their usual channel of communication, for notes and a preface to this edition, they were informed that he would add a few notes, *'by way of exegesis, im- provement, and edification," but that, in his opinion, a preface to this book would be out of place ; and that in any case he had nothing to add to the information given in a letter which he had addressed to the editors of the " Evening Post," and which was published in that paper. This letter is therefore reprinted here, by way of introduction. A* (V) VI publisher's advertisement. Albany, November 22d, 1863. To the Editors of the Evening Post : When I brought before the world, '' The New Gospel of Peace," I thought that every intelli- gent reader would see, without being told, that it was a fragment of an old chronicle, referring to a people and to events of very great anti- quity. This is plain upon the face of it ; and so I said nothing about the origin of the book. But I have been surprised and pained at ob- serving that this ancient record is spoken of by many persons, and even in the columns of a well-informed journal like the ' ' Evening Post," as a political satire, aimed at persons and par- ties of our own day. It is true that no one has been bold enough to point out a counterpart to the principal personage in the narrative, Pher- nandiwud ; and indeed I cannot conceive how his name or his character could be supposed to refer to any man at all known to the public of this country. But I have heard that ''Jeph, surnamed the Repudiator," is supposed to mean the Honorable J-if-rs-n D-v-s, late United States Senator from Mississippi ; that ' ' James the scribe, which knew nothing, and Erastus his brother," are taken for Messrs. J-m-s and Er-s- t-s Br-ks of the -xfr-ss; that by " Samuel, who was rich in butter," Mr. S-m-1 B-tt-rw-rth is meant; that ''Hiram, the publican," means publisher's advertisement. VII H-r-m Cr-nst-n, Esq., proprietor of the N-w Y-rk H-t-1; ''Elijah, who smelled the battle afar off," Mr. El-j-h P-rdy, called the war-horse of T-mm-ny; ''Cyrus," the Reverend C-yr-s M-s-n; "Primus, the scribe," Mr. W-ll-m C. Pr-m, of the J-r-n-l of C-mm-rce; " Samuel, who made the lightnings of heaven his messen- gers," Mr. S-ml B. F. M-rs ; "Ker Tiss, who wrote concerning the Great Covenant," Mr. G-rg T-ckn-r C-rt-is, the author of a history of the Constitution of the United States ; " Isai- ah, who was a captain of the Hammerites," Mr. Is-h R-nd-rs, late United States Marshal for the Southern District of New York; "Samuel, whose surname was Brinnzmayd." Mr. S. L. M. B-rl-w; and "Augustus, the money-changer," Mr. A-g-st B-lm-nt, an emi- nent Hebrew banker, who once bought the honor of representing this republic abroad, and who is understood to be ready to pay a large price for a financial place in a cabinet con- structed upon the principles of the Ostend cir- cular. I have even heard it surmised that "Peter the Barrel-maker" means Mr. P-t-r C-p-r; and, to speak of minor matters, that " Assohkald Edditah, the scribe, who, to gain the world had lost his own soul," represents the so-called editor (name unknown and hitherto undiscoverable) of the World newspaper of your city. VIII publisher's advertisement. It is with very deep concern that I notice this extraordinary perversion of the meaning of ' ' The New Gospel of Peace." Concern, not only for the gentlemen who are thus placed by the pub- lic in so very false a position, but for the com- munity in which a state of things exists which can be in any way likened to that which is por- trayed in that most ancient, but I am per- suaded, most truthful record. Is it possible that there is such a man as Phernandiwud among us? I cannot believe it. I know of no such man. Do Pahdees, and Hittites, and Hammerites, and the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats, rule any city in our land? Far be it from us to confess it. Can there be men among us, like those in the remote and long-forgotten land of Unculpsalm, who would sacrifice their country to the everlasting Nig- gah? Pray devote a little of your valuable time and space to disabusing the public mind of such an absurd notion. It would be quite superfluous and uninterest- ing for me to inform the public how I became possessed of the ancient, faded, torn, and much- defaced manuscript, which, by painfully deci- phering it and supplying conjecturally many breaks in the continuity of the narrative, I at last brought into a connected form and printed under the title of its subject, " The New Gos- pel of Peace." But that it is no modern politi- IX cal satire will be plain to all intelligent people from this fact. Its declared author, Benjamin the Scribe, I find by a passage which I am un- able entirely to restore, and therefore have not heretofore printed, wrote, or, it would seem from the marginal annotation of an ancient and inim- ical commentator, procured to be written, '* a book called Deighlinuze^ a part of which was made public every morning. Another muti- lated passage shows that this Benjamin '' lived nigh unto a place called Pughtummug, where the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats poured out drink-offerings unto Tahmunee." You will see at once that no such publication or locality is known in this country. The language in which this manuscript is written is the langkie, a tongue of which lit- tle is known, but which I suppose to be a more ancient and pure form of the language of Jon- bool. Where this land is I cannot conjecture, but as the langkies appear to have dwelt in a country very far East, I am inclined to think that their language is the long-sought original language spoken in Paradise. Your readers cannot but have observed the strong oriental character of the whole narrative. And indeed I have sometimes thought that the Abraham of the New Gospel was the veritable Father of the Faithful himself. But opposed to this conjecture are the manifest hostility be- X PUBLISHERS ADVERTISEMENT. tween him and Augustus the money-changer, and the fact that Esther and Ahasuerus and other persons who Hved after the first and even second captivity, are mentioned. Perhaps some of the " Christian young men" of Balti- more or of New York can ehicidate this point. And, judging by the past, "a paper" on the subject might very appropriately be read be- fore your Historical Society ; or questions might be addressed to the head of Herodotus, which stands over its door, and which contains so much of the wisdom of that association that it can hardly be less vocal or sententious than Friar Bacon's. Or the matter could be very fitly brought before a body which I have heard of as the Geographical and Egotistical Society, from some member of which, no doubt, there would proceed a paper so luminous, as well as so geographical and egotistical, as to elicit the unanimous thanks of all who remained awake when it w^as ended. And might not Mr. Verplanck or Mr. Grant White, or the Rev. Mr. Hudson devote to this doubtful and interesting point some of that rare criti- cal ability with which they have elucidated the clear passages in Shakespeare ? The notion which seems to have taken possession of the public mind, that " The New Gospel of Peace " is a narrative of recent events in this country, can only have arisen from some publisher's advertisement. XI chance similarity of sound between some an- cient and eastern and some modern and west- ern names ; and, chiefly, from the tendency of historical events to repeat themselves, owing to the excess of original human nature which still remains in man. Yours very respectfully, U. DONOUGH OuTis. P. S. — The very great favor with which this book has been received, and which I attribute solely to the solemn truth and sober wisdom of the ancient and unknown sage who wrote it, has produced imitations of it, of which I have seen two. Vain and childish attempts to imi- tate the inimitable style of the old chronicler ! Let no man hope to succeed in such an under- taking, unless he can perform the impossible task of transporting himself back for indefinite cycles of time, and live an oriental life upon the dim verge of the historic period. Some more of the ancient manuscript still remains in my hands, yet undeciphered and covered with the dust of ages. I hope to be able to rescue enough from destruction to make one, and perhaps two, books more. The letter to '*The Evening Post" appeared soon after the publication of Book Second of XII publisher's advertisement. this volume, the Third and Fourth Books of which are doubtless those referred to in the letter as likely to be printed in the future. Nearly three years, however, elapsed between the publication of the First Book and the com- pletion of the work. The curious reader can find a further dis- cussion of the authorship and purpose of the work in '' The Nation," of May, July, and August, 1866. In one communication, under the signature of the above letter, the following passages occur, in reference to the comments of that paper upon Book Fourth : *' You more than intimate that two Irish gen- tlemen named Roberts and O'Mahony are treated with unseemly levity in the last book. Where is this to end ? We shall next have C— rn— 1— s V— nd— rb— It and D n R— chm — nd declaring that they are spoken of disrespectfully as being of the Durrektahs. '* Apropos of the book in question, you men- tion a Chaldee manuscript by a writer named Hogg. Now here is something truly interest- ing. I have never seen this MS. But I do not hesitate to say that I very much doubt the genuineness of a MS. professing to be Chaldee which yet was written by a person whose name PUBLISHERS ADVERTISEMENT. XIII was that of the unclean beast. For that beast was an abomination to the Chaldees as well as to the Hebrews, who in fact were but an offshoot from the Chaldee stock. I shall be much pleased if you will inform me where I can get a sight of this manuscript. '' You seem to have drawn conclusions differ- ent from mine as to the opinions of the un- known author of this book The point to which I particularly refer is your con- clusion that my author was at some time in his life ill-used by women, and treats them harshly in revenge. I, on the contrary, have found in him as gallant and devoted an admiration of the sex as could be looked for in an oriental writer, and one who lived at such a remote period. Indeed, your aspersion of my author forces me to say that I have omitted certain passages of his manuscript revealing the ten- derness of many women for him, and his grate- ful devotion in return, because, beautiful and touching as they are, I should blush to trans- late, much more to print them. There is hardly anything more trying in this respect in the ' Song of Solomon ' itself." One of the remarkable circumstances con- nected with the first publication of this book is the attention that it at once commanded, and the hold which it took upon men in all condi- XIV publisher's advertisement. tions of life without any aid whatever from the press. Its appearance was announced in an advertisement of only a line or two, and of the copies of the First Book sent to the public journals it is believed that not one received any attention. Almost alone of the multitudi- nous pamphlets pubHshed, from 1863 to 1865, it had the benefit neither of praise, nor abuse, nor of any of the arts by which publishers bring their merchandise into notice. And yet the first edition of one thousand copies was gradually and not very slowly exhausted. One of three thousand followed much more rapidly ; a third of ten thousand was taken up as soon as it could be printed ; and thencefor- ward a similar demand for it went on steadily for many months. The following paragraph, from *' The Round Table" of May 12th, 1866, tells with sufficient accuracy the story of its production and publication, as far as they are known to the present writer : " Probably the greatest literary success of its kind ever achieved was that of 'The New Gospel of Peace,' the fourth and concluding part of which is announced. On an average, within a fraction of forty-five thousand copies of each book have been sold, making the sale of the three books nearly one hundred and thirty-five thousand copies ! publisher's advertisement. XV and the publishers continue to receive orders for it. We are informed that this strange political satire, which made such an impression on the public mind during the rebel- lion, and which, in spite of its local character, was reprinted in England, was begun as a mere squib to be sent to some newspaper; that the author found it expand under his hand, and, on the completion of the First Book, sought, through a friend, a publisher for his bantling, but in vain. He then published it himself, and placed it in the hands of Mr. Sinclair Tousey, now of the American News Company, as agent. Hence it is that this gentleman has the credit of being its publisher, and that the friend in question is one of those who have that of being its au- thor." After the First Book had become thoroughly estabhshed in popular favor, and was recog- nized as a power in the land, it did receive notice from three or four journals. The first of them was the following paragraph, which appeared in *' Harper's Weekly," of Septem- ber 5 th, 1863, three months after the First Book was published : " The authorship of the ' New Gospel of Peace,' one of the cleverest political squibs of the war, is a well-kept secret. It is a broad, popular, humorous burlesque upon the Copperhead faith and practice, as exemplified in the career of Phernandiwud and the followers of that Brum- magem Prince of Peace. It is done so well that nobody can escape the point; and is one of the very few satires which address themselves to the universal public. A Pah- dee can enjoy it as fully as a cultivated scholar, and it is consequently of the greatest service to the good cause. The authorship is attributed to many well-known literary XVI PUBLISHERS ADVERTISEMENT. gentlemen, as ' The Lorgnette ' was at the time of its ap- pearance ; and the writer must take care that his laurels are not disputed to the end. The amusing controversy as to the authorship of ' Nothing to Wear ' is yet freshly re- membered, and long after Mr. Putnam, the publisher, had negotiated with the gentleman whom he supposed to have written ' The Potiphar Papers,' he received a very urgent and persistent claim from the literary executor of a gen- tleman in Buffalo, who declared that he had found the manuscript among the papers of his deceased friend, and insisted that the reputed author must be an impostor. Public rumor points most persistently to a well-known and accomplished scholar, whose reputation has been made in quite other directions, as the author of ' The New Gos- pel of Peace.' He may be congratulated upon a signal success, and the public upon a capital and timely satire." The Second Book was received with the same silent indifference by the press in gen- eral, but was made the occasion of the following remarks in the same journal from which the above paragraph is quoted : "The Second Book of this most universally popular and effective political pamphlet of the war has just appeared. Like the First Book, it owes nothing to elaborate advertis- ing or vigorous puffing. Indeed, it is a remarkable fact in the history of our literature, that the first part was quietly issued, and apparently quietly ignored by the press, but gradually making itself known and felt, appeared upon every newspaper stand, and was intimately known to every circle in the country. The actual service it has wrought for the good cause is very great. Like the pamphlets of Defoe, it is not above the easy comprehension and delight of plainest people, while by its trenchant blows it com- mands the admiration of the most intelligent public. Our XVII political satires hitherto have been generally beneath con- tempt or above general comprehension. The true wit and power of some of them have commended them indeed to the purely literary classes, but they have not commanded the interest and laughing assent of the great busy crowd of the country. The sale of the First Book of the New Gospel is already prodigious, and that of the Second will doubtless be like unto it. It treats of events of the last summer. It even alludes to the practice of the doctrines of the New Gospel as seen in the streets of New York in July. The charm of novelty is naturally wanting, but it seems to us not less racy than the earlier part. "The authorship remains a secret. Claims are now asserted for some source beyond Albany, possibly among the fountains of the Hudson. The work has been attrib- uted to a score of literary gentlemen in the city. But the author and the publisher guard their secret well ; and who- ever he may be, the writer of the ' New Gospel of Peace ' has secured his place in the memorabilia of the war." In spite of the local character which its au- thor so whimsically persists in denying, the book was reprinted in London ; and Mr. George Augustus Sala, making it the subject of a letter in the London "Telegraph," and of a chapter in his book upon this country, said of it: " On almost every book-stall in the United States there is to be found exposed for sale a thin pamphlet in a crim- son cover, entitled ' The New Gospel of Peace according to St. Benjamin.' This pamphlet contains but forty-two pages, and is full of shrewd satire, not unmixed with hvunour. . . . Very many thousand copies of the ' New Gospel of Peace' have been sold. The success of the XVIII publisher's advertisement. work has raised a cloud of imitations, most of them as trashy as they are vile. There is a second part to the gospel itself. There is a ' Book of the Prophet Stephen ; ' there are 'Revelations' — and a most scandalous apoca- lypse those revelations are ; but the crimson-bound pam- phlet, atrocious as it is [Mr. Sala was Copperheadish even unto Secesh-ism], will take rank with the most salient pro- ductions of American humour." The work was in the hands of the whole people. The gravest and the most jovial, the most cultivated and those who could barely read, were brought together in laughter over its pages ; and as its various parts appeared, it was doing a work which long afterwards was thus recognized by the distinguished literary editor of the ' ' Boston Transcript " ; " 'The New Gospel of Peace ' did Copperheadism more harm than even its own folly and malignity could do. . . . Thousands of the ' President's Opposition,' unaf- fected by fact, argument, and appeal, were overpowered by this most searching and humorous of political satires." And yet all this while, that is, during the time in which the first three books appeared, there was no attempt at an appreciation of the work by any critic, no endeavor to discover the secret of its power, and, with the two or three notable exceptions above pointed out, journalists continued to pass it by unnoticed. XIX The attainment of so singular and so truly popular a success, without the aid of any news- paper publicity whatever, is a noteworthy fact in publishing annals, and one which, even if the author were not the cynic which he has been pronounced by some of those whose plans he interfered with, might well have been to him a source of secret gratification. But on the other hand he might also have been per- plexed himself at his own doing, and impressed with a sense of responsibility when he found what bow it was that he had drawn at a ven- ture. At the only subsequent attempt to ac- count for the impression which his work made upon the public mind, — the critic having at- tributed its success to its phraseology, — the author must have laughed in his turn, for that phraseology has been in use for so many years among lads at school and college, for burlesque records of public affairs, and even for their own adventures, as to have become in itself stale and tame even to the boyish appetite for the ludicrous. The present writer has only under- taken to set forth such facts as are known to the publishers concerning the production and publication of the following pages ; but if he XX PUBLISHER S ADVERTISEMENT. were to venture an opinion upon the subject just referred to, it would be that the secret of the success of this book is to be found in the fact that while it gives, under a thin dis- guise, a faithful history of our late struggle in all its important political phases, and in every marked military stage of its progress, present- ing it generally with grotesque humor, but sometimes with sobriety and even tenderness of feeling, as, for instance, the battle of Gettys- burg, it is also a general satire, and, ranging from the heresy of secession, the wrong of slavery, and the question of manhood suffrage and wholesale naturalization, to the impositions of incorporated monopolies, the pretensions and little arts of social cliques, and the extrava- gance of women's dresses, touches humorously, but always with serious purpose, every weak, sore spot, as well in our society as our poli- tics. Of all these subjects, even of the latter, it aims at the core, and pierces the outside only in reaching that. Amid all the discussion mentioned in the paragraphs quoted above, and resisting the temptation offered by a success of which they are the records, the author refrained from the PUBLISHERS ADVERTISEMENT. XXI public acknowledgement of his work. The question as to its origin was thus left open to conjecture ; but at last, for reasons which seem very vague, general opinion upon this subject settled so firmly upon one gentleman, that it is proper to give here a letter from him upon the subject, which appeared in " The Na- tion." "To THE Editor of The Nation: "In 'The Nation' of last week you published a letter from the author of the ' New Gospel of Peace,' containing a not perfectly good-natured allusion to myself; as to which I will only say, that, considering the service I have rendered to the person in question, I think it might have been gracefully, at least, if not generously, forborne. On the other hand, I was surprised .to find that Mr. Bartlett, in his copious and serviceable Bibliography of the War, attributes the ' New Gospel of Peace ' to me, without the least authority for so doing, while he does not mention me as the author of other pamphlets which I did write. Of course, I will not affect ignorance of the fact that I am among those to whom this anonymous work has been as- signed by rumor — I cannot conjecture why, unless it be because of the friendly offices in regard to business matters which I have performed for its author. And, indeed, it has not been without a peculiar interest that I have received the positive assurance of evidently well-informed strangers, whom I have accidentally met in the book-stores of other cities, that this yet unclaimed bantling was the offspring of such or such a gentleman of repute in the world of let- ters, and that the report that it was by Mr. Grant White was quite preposterous ; it was entirely out of his style. My vanity, which is naturally great, could not but be grati- fied at finding myself so well understood by persons whom XXII publisher's advertisement. I had never before had the pleasure of meeting. Perhaps I should also feel more flattered than I do, that others have given me such credit as attaches to a series of pamphlets the popularity of which I cannot deny ; but I may be par- doned if I do not find the bitter satire and broad humor of St. Benjamin quite so much to my taste as some persons seem to find it to theirs. "'The Nation,' in its notice of the Fourth Book, com- pared the series with ' The Scottish Chaldee Manuscript,' published in ' Blackwood's Magazine ' fifty years ago ; re- marking that ' it is hardly doubtful that we should not have had it if Hogg had not previously produced "The Chal- dee," ' and adding that ' that famous parody is superior to this in other respects than priority in time. Its biblical style is better preserved, fewer of its expressions being modern.' " The ' New Gospel of Peace ' having interested me some- what as a reproduction of what may be called the sacred style of Elizabethan English, this criticism of ' The Nation ' led me to seek for the ' Chaldee Manuscript,' which, until about three weeks ago, I had heard of but never seen. I sought it in vain for a while, but finally found it, not in ' Blackwood ' or Hogg, but in Dr. Shelton Mackenzie's edi- tion of the ' Noctes Ambrosianae.' And I there found why I had never met with it. It was suppressed ; and to obtain a sight of it, even on the other side of the Atlantic, has been so difficult, as Dr. Mackenzie tells us, that he ' searched all the national and public libraries in England and Scot- land where sets of "Blackwood" are kept, and never suc- ceeded in meeting one. . . . containing the "Chaldee."' He finally found the only copy he ever saw at a bookseller's in this city. Thus, although the ' Chaldee Manuscript ' is half a century older than the ' New Gospel of Peace,' it is, I think, quite improbable that the latter should have been written in imitation of the former, or even because of its precedence. It was the successor of the ' Chaldee Manu- script,' but not its consequent. Nor can I agree with you as to the comparative faithfulness of the two in style to their common model. .The positive merits of either, in this publisher's advertisement. XXIII regard or in any other, I do not propose to discuss, but some remark upon their phraseology and cast of thought may not be without interest. "The author of the ' Chaldee Manuscript' seems not to have been able to think in the dialect (so to speak) in which he undertook to write, but to have assumed it as a person as- sumes a foreign language the vocabulary of which he has acquired but has not assimilated, thinking in his mother tongue, and translating the words in his mind into the lan- guage which he speaks. This always produces awkwardness of expression and strangeness of effect, even when there is not absolute verbal incorrectness or false construction. In the very first chapter of the 'Manuscript' are these phrases, which I do not hesitate to say are quite out of keeping : *Whereunto I may employ you,' ' and enrich themselves with the wool,' ' all things that relate to learning,' ' and they prof- fered unto him a book,' ' that had put such amazing words into the book,' ' put your trust under the shadow of my wings,' ' and by these means you shall wax very great,' 'who dwelleth in the old fastness,' ' and he framed songs,' ' and they heard a voice of one screeching at the gate.' Now each one of these phrases contains either a word, as ' fastness,' ' screeching,' or a construction, as * these ' ap- plied to ' means,' and ' framed ' to ' songs,' which is foreign to the dialect in question. And this not a strangeness re- sulting from the novelty of the objects introduced, which would be permissible if it could not be avoided; it appears in the use of words common to our language in all styles and all ages. For instance, again, the Chaldee writer, wishing to describe taking snuff, says, ' And he took from under his girdle a gem of curious workmanship of silver . . . . and he took from thence something in color like unto the dust of the earth.' Here the use of 'gem,' 'from thence,' and 'something' is incongruous with the style. A translator from the Chaldee two hundred and fifty years ago would have been much homelier and more direct in his phrase. He would, I venture to say, have simply written, ' And he took from under his girdle a box curiously made . . . . and he took from it dust in color like unto the XXIV publisher's advertisement. dust of the earth.' He would not have shrunk from the repetition of ' dust; ' and certainly would not have avoided it by writing ' took something,' which is very colloquial and modern. It may be worthy' of remark that the invita- tion to take something is not now-a-days supposed to indi- cate snuff. Errors like this are not uncommon in the * Chaldee Manuscript,' brief as it is ; but, although the ' New Gospel of Peace ' is ten times as long, I have been able to discover in it no important defects of this kind. The 'Chaldee Manuscript' also commits the fault of ap- plying Oriental names arbitrarily to Scotch places, calling, for example, one river — the Tweed — 'the Jordan,' and another ' the brook Kedron.' This means nothing, and ef- fects nothing but confusion. One might as well have been called Abarnar and the other Parphar. The subject of the 'Manuscript' is, besides, so obscure — the mere personal affairs of some men of letters and their publishers — that it is not only quite incomprehensible now, but must have been so when it was written, except within the compara- tively narrow circle of the friends and acquaintances of the personages who figure in the story. "Although the 'New Gospel of Peace,' whatever may be its peculiar faults, is, as far as I am capable of judging, almost entirely free from such as are above mentioned, upon close examination I find two or three passages ob- noxious to criticism in this respect. Compelled by the exigencies of a speech made by the individual whom he calls ' Phernandiwud,' the author has used the phrase ' a splendid despotism.' It need hardly be said that not only the language but the cast of thought in this phrase is pecu- liarly modern and quite inadmissible. He also speaks of the ' government' of Unculpsalm, and of 'slavery.' Now government, meaning the capacity of the act of governing, was, as an idea or a word, familiar enough to Elizabethan writers ; but government, as an institution, admitting the indefinite article, — a government, for which the idea or the word 'governing' cannot be substituted, — is, I think, a conception but little older, if at all, than the middle of the seventeenth century. Even in the phrase ' the govern- PUBLISHERS ADVERTISEMENT. XXV ment shall be upon his shoulder,' the word 'government' has quite a different sense from that which it has in ' the government of such or such a country.' So, although we read in Shakespeare and his contemporaries of slavery as a condition of the individual, it is not, I believe, until Mil- ton's time that we meet with the word representing the ab- stract idea — the institution of slavery. This author also makes ' Phernandiwud ' prophesy that, under certain con- ditions, ' the lion of the South and the lamb of the North shall lie down together.' He should have known better than to fall into this almost universal misrepresentation of a well-known passage of Isaiah's writing. The Hebrew prophet says nothing about lions and lambs. He knew the terror of the shepherd better. He wrote ' the wo//" shall dwell with the lamb,' ' the wolf and the lamb shall feed to- gether,' and I doubt much whether, if ' lion ' and ' lamb ' began with the same letter in Hebrew, he would have been tempted by alliteration into inaccuracy. " One fault is common to both the ' Chaldee Manuscript' and the ' New Gospel of Peace.' Both use the neuter pos- sessive pronoun z'^s ; the latter in a single passage (Book I., chap. IV., V. 27), the former in several. This word is unknown in the sacred dialect of the Elizabethan period ; and in the first quarter of the seventeenth century was but just struggling into use among secular writers. This I re- marked in my notes to 'The Winter's Tale,' published six years before, and in those to ' Hamlet and Cymbeline,' published the year before the first appearance of the ' New Gospel of Peace.' The author of that book will, I hope, pardon me for pointing out these defects in it, and may be sure that no one less than I would willingly deprive him of any well-earned approbation. His incognito, since he chooses to preserve it, I shall certainly respect, although at the cost of some annoyance to myself; and so, I cannot doubt, will the few friends who, I have reason to believe, have shared his confidence with me from the beginning. "Your obedient servant, "Richard Grant White. "July 30, 1866." c XXVI PUBLISHERS ADVERTISEMENT. The publishers have nothing to add to this preliminary matter, except to say that the gen- tleman who has superintended this book in its progress through the press, has availed him- self, to a certain extent, of the criticisms of Mr. Grant White's letter. 119 & 121 Nassau Street, New York, Oct. 2, 1866. The New Gospel of Peace. BOOK FIRST. [Published July 27th, 1863.] (xxvii) NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE, ACCORDING TO ST. BENJAMIN. BOOK I CHAPTER I. I. The Mystery. 2. War in the Land of Unculpsalm. 5. Phernatidiivud. 10. Seeketh a fartner. 17. Searcheth the Scripture. 19. Findeth something to his advantage. 24. And -walketh slantindicularly. 25. Is brought before the Judge. 27. Shoiveth his Innocence. THE mystery of the new gospel of peace. 2. In the days of Abraham, when there was war in the land of Unculpsalm, and all Ver. I. The author with striking brevity announces his great theme. This teaches us how much can be said in a few words. Compare the ancient writer in this respect with the moderns, — with Milton for instance; much to Milton's disadvantage. Milton's intentions were good, however. The author tells us that his book is a mystery; by which he means that it is not easy to be understood; perhaps that he did not understand it himself. His candor might well be imitated by some later writers. Ver. 2. Investigation and conjecture are equally baffled in the attempt to discover the situation of the land of 1 2 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. the people fought with weapons of Iron, and with ships of iron 3. (For there came a man out of the coun- try beyond the North Sea, a son of Tubal Cain, and joined himself unto the people of Unculpsalm, and made unto them ships of iron, with towers upon the decks thereof, and beaks upon the prows thereof, very mighty and mar- vellous) , 4. There went out one who preached a new gospel of peace. And it was in this wise. 5. It came to pass in those days that in the country of Mannatton, in the city which is Unculpsalm, in which the events related in this book took place. The scholiast suggests that as the langkies are said to have worshipped an idol called the almighty Dahl Lar, they probably dwelt upon the plains of Shinar. The conjecture is ingenious and plausible, but hardly sound. Ver. 3. A son of Tubal Cain. More properly a disciple of Tubal Cain, who, we are told, was the instructor of every artificer in brass and iron. But the word son used in this sense is one of the traits of the Eastern origin of this book. Thus, Tubal Cain's half-brother was Jubal, who, we are told, was the father of all such as handle the harp and organ, by which we are not to understand that all those whom we see daily handling the organ are the actual progeny of Jubal. For he lived before the flood, when the original race of organ-grinders seems to have been happily drowned. Ver. 5. Pher7ia7idhviid. The persistent but futile at- tempts of various purblind critics to show that this book is a political satire upon events of the present day are brought to naught in the case of this the most prominent if not the most important character in the book. No such I THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 3 called Gotham, that is over against Jahrzee, as thou goest down by the great river, the River Hutzoon, to Communipah, there was a man whose name was Phernandiwud. 6. And he was a just man, and a righteous ; and he walked uprightly before the world. 7. But when he was not before the world his walk was slantindicular. 8. And he loved the people. 9. And Phernandiwud said within himself, Of a truth I love the people ; but am I not one of the people ; yea, verily, am I not number one of the people? and shall I not therefore firfet love myself ? 10. So Phernandiwud first loved himself, and the rest of the people after himself. 1 1 . Now in the days when Phranclinn ruled the land (he that was captain of a thousand in the armies of Unculpsalm when they went down to Mecsicho) , Phernandiwud sought unto himself a partner, even a partner with shekels ; and he found a man whose name was Marah- vine. person as Phernandiwud is known in this or any other country. The desperate shifts to which the maintainers of the theory in question are put, appear in their attempt to connect this personage with a Mayor of New York, and Member of Congress, who was sued for falsifying his ac- counts, and who escaped criminal process because it was commenced one day too late according to law. How flimsy the theory which depends upon such evidence for its support I 4 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 12. And Phernandiwud said unto Marah- vine : Lo, there is gold in the land of Kala- phorni ; 13. And the gold of that land is good. 14. Now behold, thou art rich, and thy ser- vant is poor; but thy servant is cunning in merchandise, diligent and crafty in business. Let, therefore, my lord furnish me of his gold and his silver, and I will buy merchandise and ships, and trade with the men of Kalaphorni and get great gain, a hundred, yea even two hundred fold, and we shall divide the spoil. 15. So they traded with the men of Kala- phorni, and got great gain, a hundred and two hundred fold. But Phernandiwud divided not the spoil ; for he was not before the world. 16. So his walk was slantindicular. 17. And he communed within himself, and Ver. 12. The Lmid of Kalaphorni. Where this land was is no less uncertain than the locality of the land of Un- culpsalm. It appears, however, to have had a strange in- fluence upon the social state of the land of Unculpsalm. For there are traces of an order of women in the latter known as Kalaphorni widows. Whether they were regarded as widows because their husbands had gone before them into the land of promise, but not of performance, is now beyond the reach of conjecture. Ver. 14. Divide the sfoil. Not a felicitous rendering; for spoil refers rather to warlike than to mercantile affairs. Yet the Hebrews, we are told in their sacred writings, spoiled the Egyptians by purely business transactions. In the langkie tongue the word means strictly plunder. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 5 said : Is it not written in the Scripture (for he was a just man and a righteous, and searched the Scripture daily, 18. Saying, peradventure I shall find therein something to my advantage), 19. That a certain steward made unto him- self friends of the mammon of unrighteous- ness, by saying to one man, who owed his lord an hundred measures of oil. Take thy bill and sit down quickly and write fifty ; and to another who owed an hundred measures of wheat. Take thy bill and sit down quickly and write fourscore ? 20. And did not the lord of that steward commend him because he had done wisely ; because the children of this world are wiser in their generation than the children of light? 21. And am not I, even I, Phernandiwud, a child of this world, and wise in my generation? Yea, verily. And I will take my bill and sit down quickly ; and where Marahvine oweth me fourscore shekels, I will write an hundred ; and where I owe him an hundred, I will write fifty. 22. And is it not written that we shall be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves? Therefore will I be as wise as a serpent unto Marahvine, and as harmless as a dove unto myself. b THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 23. Then Phernandiwiid took his bill and sat down quickly, and where Marahvine owed him fourscore shekels he wrote an hundred, and where he owed Marahvine an hundred he wrote fifty. 24. So his walk was slantindicular. 25. But it came to pass after many days that Marahvine discovered how Phernandiwud had searched the Scripture to his advantage. And he brought him before the judge, and would have convicted him at the mouth of two wit- nesses ; and, moreover, the writings were against him. 26. But there was a statute in Gotham that no man should be held guilty before the law save for that which he had done within six years, but that after six years he should go free. 27. So Phernandiwud said unto the judge : Lo, what Marahvine saith that thy servant hath Ver. 23. He 'Wrote fifty. The great wisdom of Pher- nandiwud and his readiness to profit by scriptural example are strikingly manifest in this transaction. The axiom in morals, that there is a great deal of human nature in man, and that history therefore repeats itself, is illustrated by a comparison of these events, which occurred centuries ago, with those recorded in the recent well-known case of Henry Sheldon, George E. Byxbie, William H. Sheldon, and Levi Chestnutwood, assignees of Edward E. Marvine, against Fernando Wood, which will be found reported at some length and commented upon in the New York newspapers of November, 1854. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 7 done was done, by his own showing, six years and three hours ago. Therefore thy servant is guiltless. I pray thee, therefore, declare thy servant guiltless, and let him go. 28. And he did so. And Phernandiwud went out from before him justified in his wis- dom and his innocence. 8 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. CHAPTER II. I. The Pahdees. 2. They govern Gotham. 6. Phernandi- ivud maketh friends of the Pahdees. 9. Who make him Chief Ruler of the City. 11. And together they devour the substance of the Men of Gotham. 15. The Watchmen of Gotham removed from the rule of Phernanditvud. 16. Who gathereth together the Hittites and the Ham- merites. 19. And conceiveth with the Mystery of the New Gospel of Peace. NOW, it came to pass that in the City of Gotham were many Pahdees, like unto locusts for multitude. And they were not of the land of Unculpsalm, but came from an island beyond the great sea ; a land of famine and oppression. And they knew nothing. They Ver. I. Many Pahdees. These people, in whose hands the Gothamites seem to have entirely placed the govern- ment of their city, appear to have been of an entirely differ- ent race from the langkies and the Phiretahs and the other people of Unculpsalm. There is no record of such another transfer of power in all history. As to the island whence they came, see Book IV. Chap. ix. A slight clue is given to the origin of this story by the name Gotham and the course of the people in regard to the Pahdees. This shows that these men of Gotham were evidently of the same race as the three wise men of Gotham who went to sea in a bowl. As that bowl must have been a punch-bowl, it plainly pre- figures the rule of the Pahdees in Gotham. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 9 read not, neither did the}^ write, and like the multitudes of Nineveh, many of them did not know their right hand from their left. 2. Therefore the men of Unculpsalm who dwelt in Gotham troubled themselves little to govern the city, and paid the Pahdees richly to govern it for them. 3. For the men of Gotham were great mer- chants and artificers, trading to the ends of the earth ; diligent and cunning in their busi- ness, wise and orderly in their households ; and they got great gain, and the fame of their wisdom and their diligence was spread abroad. Wherefore they said, why shall we leave our crafts and our merchandise, and our ships, and our feasts, and the gathering together of our wives and our daughters, and our men-singers and our women-singers, to give our time to ruling the city ? 4. Behold, here are the Pahdees who know nothing, who read not, neither do they write, and who know not their right hand from their left, and who have never governed even them- selves, and who will be glad to govern the city in our stead. 5. Wherefore the men of Unculpsalm who dwelt in Gotham went, the one to his craft, the other to his ships, and the other to his mer- chandise ; and the Pahdees governed Gotham. lO THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 6. Now Phernandiwud saw that the men whom the Pahdees appointed to be officers in Gotham fed at the pubhc crib, and waxed fat, and increased in substance. Moreover, so great and mighty was the city of Gotham that they who ruled it were powerful in the land of Unculpsalm ; stretching out their hands from the North even unto the South, and from the East even unto the West ; but most of all were they powerful with the men of the South. 7. And Phernandiwud said within himself, Shall I not feed at the public crib, and wax fat, and increase in substance, and become a man of power in the land of Unculpsalm ? 8. So he made friends unto himself among the Pahdees, and of certain men of Unculpsalm who had joined themselves unto the Pahdees, and who called themselves Dimmichrats. 9. And he became a great man among them. And they made him chief ruler of the city. And it was of the Pahdees that he was first called Phernandiwud. 10. Now, when Phernandiwud was chief ruler of Gotham, the Pahdees, and the men of Ver. 6. The officers appointed bj the Pahdees fed at the public crib. A striking example of the wisdom of Solo- mon's sajang: "The ox knoweth his owner and the ass his master's crib." Ver, 10. The Watc/nncn of the City. The tendency of history to repeat itself, which has been already mentioned, and which this book so often illustrates, is shown in the THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. II Unculpsalm which were also Dimmichrats, did what was right in their own eyes; and they worked confusion in the city, and devoured the substance of the men of Gotham. And the watchmen of the city were as clay in the hands of Phernandiwud. 11. For he said, I will have a one man power ; and the one man shall be me, even me Phernandiwud; and the Pahdees, and the Dimmichrats, and the watchmen of Gotham, shall do my will ; and after they have done my will, they may do what is right in their own eyes, and work confusion, and devour the peo- ple's substance. 12. And the men of Gotham were amazed and confounded ; and they said one to another, 13. Behold, we are held as naught by Pher- nandiwud and them that are under him, and he will destroy us and our city. 14. But they could not cast him out, because of the Pahdees, and the men of Unculpsalm which also were Dimmichrats. course of events which attended the establishment of the Metropolitan Police Department in New York, only a few years before the first publication of The New Gospel of Peace. The two stories are such perfect counterparts, although they refer to different countries and to periods so far separated, that it has even been supposed, by those who mistake the character of this book, that it was written after the occurrence of the events just referred to. A warning to all shallow critics. 12 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 15. Wherefore they said, we will pray the governor and rulers of the province to take the watchmen of the city from under his hand, and put in other watchmen who shall guard the city, and the country round about the same ; and he shall no longer work confusion, and devour our substance, and destroy our city. 16. Wherefore the watchmen were taken from under his rule, and there were appointed other watchmen, whose captains were not Pah- dees and followers of Phernandiwud. 17. But Phernandiwud, because he loved the people, and himself first, as number one of the people, withstood the watchmen which the governor and the rulers of the province had appointed. And he gathered together his watchmen and much people of the Pahdees, and of the men of Unculpsalm which also were Dimmichrats, 18. Hittites, so called, because they hit from Ver. 18. The scholiast would have it that this passage is corrupt, and that Hammerites is but another form of Amoj'iies, due to the fact that the ancient manuscript was copied bj a scribe of the men of Jonbool, who spelled phonographicallj. This conjecture is plausible and ingen- ious, but somewhat too fanciful. Its author was probably led bj the presence of the name of the other tribe, the Hit- tites, into supposing that these people were those whom the Jews drov^e out of Palestine. This supposition, however, somewhat antedates the probable period when the events recorded in this book took place. It is proper to record, however, a tradition that its author was an High Vite. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I3 the shoulder, and Hammerites, because they brake the heads of all them that set themselves up against them. 19. And the watchmen of Phernandiwud, and the Pahdees, and the Hittites and the Hammerites, fought with the watchmen ap- pointed by the governor and the chief rulers of the province, doing in this the will of Pher- nandiwud. And they fought many times, and they brake each the heads of the other : yet was neither vanquished. 20. And when the judges of the province saw this, they declared unto the governor, that by the great law of the province, he could march an army upon Phernandiwud, and his watchmen, and his Pahdees, and his Hittites, and his Hammerites, and put them to the sword. 21. And when Phernandiwud read this dec- laration of the judges, he saw that there was an end of his rule over the watchmen, and of his one man power in Gotham ; and he said unto the watchmen, and to the Pahdees, and the Hittites, and the Hammerites, Get you to your houses, I have nothing more to give unto you. 22. But he charged the cost thereof unto the city. Ver. 2. Phernandiwud charged the cost thereof tmto the city. Here we have an example of great constancy, of singleness of purpose, and of faithfulness unto the end, 2 14 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 23. And this was the first time that Pher- nandiwud conceived in his mind the mystery of the new gospel of peace. which is truly edifying. But the same virtues, which were followed by blessings in patriarchal days, are equally sure of recompense of one kind or another now. Let us, there- fore, all emulate the righteousness of Phernandiwud, that, like him, we may all have our reward. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I5 CHAPTER III. I. TJie War in the lajid of Uncnlpsahn, 3. The Great Coveyiatit. 5. The greatness of the land of Unculpsalm. 7. Provoketh the hatred of Kt?igs and Oppressors. 8. The Niggahs. 11. And the Covenant concerning them. 14. The Niggahs. 16. There arise men of Belial. 19. The Tshivulree. 22. Atid what the Tshivulree did to the men of Belial. 24. The Dimmichrats Join themselves unto the Tshivulree. 26- The Everlasting Niggah. 27. Philip of Athens, a Priest of Beelzebub. 29. Isaiah thriisteth hint out of the Tabernacle. 31. But the Men of Belial prevail. 35. And the spirit Bak Bohn pos- sesseth their disciples. 39. The Phiretahs and Presten- hruux, NOW the war in the land of Unculpsalm was in this wise. 2. The people were of one blood, but the land was in many provinces. And the people of the provinces joined themselves together and cast off the yoke of a stiff-necked king who oppressed them beyond the great sea. And they said, let us have no king, but let us choose from ourselves a man to rule over us ; and let us no longer be many provinces, but one nation ; only in those things which concern not the nation let the people in each province do what is right in their own eyes. l6 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 3. And let it be written upon parchment and be for a covenant between us and our children, and our children's children forever — like unto a law of the Medes and Persians which alter- eth not. 4. And they did so. And the Great Cove- nant became the beginning and the end of all things unto the men of Unculpsalm. 5. And the men of Unculpsalm waxed great and mighty and rich : and the earth was tilled with the fame of their power and their riches ; and their ships covered the sea. And all na- tions feared them. But they were men of peace, and went not to war of their own ac- cord; neither did they trouble or oppress the men of other nations ; but sought each man to sit under his own vine and his own fic^-tree. And there were no poor men and few that did evil born in that land : except thou go south- ward of the border of Masunandicsun. Ver. 5. There tvere ?io poor men and fe'v that did evil horn in that la7id. This land of Unculpsalm seems to have been a most singular place. Almost the whole of the poverty, the ignorance, and the crime to be found in it, except south of the border of Masunandicsun, seems to have come to it from other countries. This is strange enough ; but what is most extraordinary is that the people of that land, the vir- tue and the intelligence of whose fathers had made it great and happy and powerful, gave to this foreign element of its population, ignorant, criminal, and without substantial in- terest in the countrj', an equal share of political power, which these foreigners, herding together in clans or tribes, THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 7 6. And this was noised abroad ; and it came to pass that the poor and the down-trodden, and the oppressed of other lands left the lands in which they were born, and went and dwelt in the land of Unculpsalm, and prospered therein, and no man molested them. And they loved that land. 7. Wherefore, the kings and the oppressors of other lands, and they that devoured the sub- stance of the people, hated the men of Uncul- psalm. Yet, although they were men of peace, they made not war upon them ; for they were many and mighty. Moreover they were rich and bought merchandise of other nations, and sent them corn and gold. 8. Now there were in the land of Uncul- psalm Ethiopians, which the men of Uncul- psalm called Niggahs. And their skins were black, and for hair they had wool, and their shins bent out forward and their heels thrust out backward ; and their ill savor went up. 9. Wherefore the forefathers of the men of Unculpsalm had made slaves of the Niggahs, and bought them and sold them like cattle. 10. But so it was that when the people of the land of Unculpsalm made themselves into one nation, the men of the North said, We will used in a solid body under tlie direction of demagogues, so that thej held the balance of power in the land. So foolish a scheme of politics is not elsewhere recorded in history. l8 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. no longer buy and sell the Niggahs, but will set them free ; neither shall more be brought from Ethiopia for slaves unto this land. 11. And the men of the South answered and said, We will buy and sell our Niggahs ; and moreover we will beat them with stripes, and they shall be our hewers of wood and drawers of water forever ; and v\^hen our Niggahs flee into your provinces ye shall give them to us, every man his Niggah ; and after a time there shall no more be brought from Ethiopia, as ye say. And this shall be a part of the Great Covenant. 12. And it was a covenant between the men of the North and the men of the South. 13. And it came to pass that thereafter the men of the South and the Dimmichrats of the North and the Pahdees gave themselves night and day to the preservation of this covenant about the Niggahs. 14. And the Niggahs increased and multi- plied till they darkened all the land of the South. And certain of the men of Unculpsalm who dwelt in the South took their women for concubines and went in unto them, and begat of them sons and daughters. And they bought and sold their sons and daughters, even the fruit of their loins ; and beat them with stripes, and made them hewers of wood and drawers of water. 15. For they said. Are not these Niggahs our Niggahs? Yea, even more than the other THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I9 Niggahs? For the other Niggahs we bought, or our fathers, with money ; but these, are they not flesh of our flesh, and blood of our blood, and bone of our bone ; and shall we not do what we will with our own ? 16. But there arose men in the northern provinces of the land of Unculpsalm and in the countries beyond the great sea, iniquitous men, saying, Man's blood cannot be bought with money ; foolish men, saying. Though the Niggah's skin be black and his hair woolly, and his shins like unto cucumbers, and his heels thrusting out backward, and though he has an ill savor not to be endured by those who get not children of Niggah women, yet is he a man ; men of Belial, which said, All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them ; for this is the law and the prophets. 17. And the slaves were for a reproach throughout all the world unto the men of the South, and even unto the whole land of Uncul- psalm. But by reason of the Great Covenant and the laws of the provinces, the men of the North had naught to do in this matter. 18. But the men of the South which had Niggahs (for there were multitudes which were of the tribe of Meenouites, which had no Niggahs, and they were poor and oppressed) heeded it not; for they were a stifi-necked 20 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. generation. And they said, we will not let our Niggahs go free ; for they are even as our horses and our sheep, our swine and our oxen ; and we will beat them, and slay them, and sell them, and beget children of them, and no man shall gainsay us. We stand by the Great Covenant. 19. Moreover we are Tshivulree. 20. Now to be of the Tshivulree was the chief boast among the men of the South, be- cause it had been a great name upon the earth. For of olden time he who was of the Tshivul- ree was bound by an oath to defend the weak and succor the oppressed, yea, even though he gave his life for them. But among the men of the South he only was of the Tshivulree who ate his bread in the sweat of another's face, who robbed the laborer of his hire, who oppressed the weak, and set his foot upon the neck of the lowly, and who sold from the mother the fruit of her womb and the nursling of her bosom. Wherefore the name of Tshivulree stank in the nostrils of all nations. Ver. 20. This is another of the many passages that refute the notion as to the modern origin of this book. Indeed, it increases the obscurity that involves that subject. For where, even in ancient times, and among pagan people, do we read of such cruelty as the selling of the child away from the mother } As to the prevalence of such a practice in this Christian land and amortg this enlightened people, it is not to be thought of, and indeed it has always been denied. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 21 21. For they were in the darkness of a false dispensation, and had not yet learned the mys- tery of the new gospel of peace. 22. And when the Tshivulree found within their borders those men of the North, iniquitous men which said that man's blood cannot be bought, and men of Belial which said, Do ye imto all men as ye would have all men do unto you, they seized upon them and beat them with many stripes, and hanged them upon trees, and roasted them with fire, and poured hot pitch upon them, and rode them upon sharp beams, very grievous to bestride, and persecuted them even as it was fitting such pestilent fellows should be persecuted. 23. And they said unto the men of the North, cease ye now to send among us these men of Belial preaching iniquity, cease also to listen unto them yourselves, and respect the Great Covenant, or we will destroy this nation. 24. Then the men of Unculpsalm which called themselves Dimmichrats, and the Pah- dees, seeing that the Tshivulree of the South had only one thought, and that was for the Niggah, said, We will join ourselves unto the Tshivulree, and we will have but one thought with them, even the Niggah ; and we shall rule the land of Unculpsalm, and we shall divide the spoil. 25. And they joined themselves unto the Tshivulree ; and the Tshivulree of the South, 22 • THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. and the men of the North, which called them selves Dimmichrats, and the Pahdees ruled the land of Unculpsalm for many years ; and they divided the spoil. And they had but one thought, even for the Niggah. 26. Wherefore he was called the everlasting Niggah. 27. Now, about these days came Philip, from the New Athens, a priest of Beelzebub, and he taught in the Tabernacle at Gotham. 28. And Philip had man}^ vv^ords, but only one thought ; and that, like the thought of the men of the South, was for the Niggah. But he respected not the Great Covenant. And he said unto the people, ye ought to set the Nig- gah free. 29. And it came to pass that when he was teaching in the Tabernacle, one Isaiah entered (not the prophet, but he who was captain of a band of the Hammerites), and protested unto Ver. 28. Philip had majiy ivordsy but only one thoughe. His name is written Phillips in the original. There maj be a slight corruption of the text ; or possibly there were two of the name ; or the writer may have meant to convey the thought that Philip's devotion to one thought caused him to take sometimes one and sometimes another position upon all other subjects, and so to be in fact two men ; one or another according to circumstances. Ver. 29. One Isaiah. This Isaiah seems to have been a man of great sanctity and wisdom ; else why should St. Benjamin deem it necessary to explain that he was not the prophet.? Isaiah's probable possession of these traits of THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 23 him that he should no more teach such pesti- lent doctrine. And having his band of Ham- merites with him, he knocked Philip down, and thrust him from the pulpit wherein he was speaking, and drave him out of the Tabernacle. 30. Now this was the first ministration of the new gospel of peace. But as yet it was not preached ; for it had no apostle. 31. But in process of time the ministers of Belial turned the hearts of many men, even of them which called themselves Dimmichrats, to iniquity ; and they all began to say that the strength of the great nation of Unculpsalm should not be used to oppress the Niggah ; de- claring, in the wickedness of their imaginations and the hardness of their hearts, that whatso- ever the pjeople of Unculpsalm would that others should do to them, even so they should do to others, even unto Niggahs. 32. But they had respect unto the Great Covenant, and sought not to set the Niggahs free ; and they returned unto the men of the South the Niggahs that fled from their prov- inces, according to the Great Covenant. 33. Moreover the men of the North made soft answers unto the men of the South, and character, joined, it is true, to identity of name, are the only support for the fancy that there is some likeness be- tween this personage and Mr. Rynders, the leader of that band of worthies, the Empire Club. 24 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. strove to turn away their wrath, and to live with them as brethren. For though they feared them not, neither hated them, they did fear that they would destroy the nation. 34. And the Tshivulree of the South saw that the men of the North feared their threats ; and they waxed bolder and said. We will not only keep our Niggahs in our own provinces, but we will take them into all the country of Unculpsalm, which is not yet divided into provinces. And they went roaring up and down the land. 35. But in process of time it came to pass that the spirit of their forefathers appeared among the men of the North, even the great spirit Bak Bohn ; and he stiffened up the peo- ple mightily. 36. So that they said unto the men of the South, Hear us, our brethren ! We would live with you in peace, and love you, and re- spect the Great Covenant. And the Niggahs in your provinces ye shall keep, and slay, and sell, they and the children which ye begat of them, into slavery, for bondmen and bond- women forever. Yours be the sin before the Lord, not ours ; for it is your doing, and we are not answerable for it. And 3'Our Niggahs that flee from your provinces they shall be re- turned unto you, according to the Great Cove- nant. Only take care lest peradventure ye THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 25 make captives the Niggahs of our provinces which we have made free men. Ye shall in no wise take a Niggah of them. 37. Thus shall it be with your Niggahs and in your provinces, and yours shall be the blame forever. But out of your provinces, into the common land of Unculpsalm, ye shall not carry your Niggahs except they be made thereby free. For that land is common, and your laws and the statutes of your provinces, by which alone ye make bondmen, run not in that land. And for all that is done in that land we must bear the blame with you. For that land is common ; and we share whatever is done therein ; and the power of this nation and the might of its banner shall no longer be used to oppress the lowly and to fasten the chain upon the captive. Keep ye then your bond- men within your own provinces. 38. Then the Tshivulree of the South waxed wroth, and foamed in their anger, and the air of the land was filled with their cursings and their revilings. And certain of them which were men of blood, and which were possessed of devils, and had difficulties, and slew each Ver. 38. The word here translated difficulties had a pe- culiar signification among this strange people. It means a certain sort of human sacrifice or blood-shedding, some- times accompanied with death, sometimes only with maim- ing. There was a prelude to it, of a purely verbal nature, the name of which must needs be translated misunder- 3 26 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. other with knives and shooting irons, did noth- ing all their time but rave through the land about the Niggah. 39. Now these men were the forerunners of him that preached the new gospel of peace, and prepared the way before him. Wherefore they were called Phiretahs. 40. And it came to pass that one of the Phiretahs, whose name was Prestenbruux, was wroth with Charles, who was surnamed the Summoner, who was one of the chief law- givers of the land of Unculpsalm, and also one of the men of Belial, who taught iniquity, say- ing. Whatsoever ye would that men should do standing. Sometimes a misunderstanding was brought to a close by a libation — in the Phiretah dialect a likkeri)mup^ or, according to some authors, a likkerinrowyid; — the drink- offering being poured down the throats of the assembly with expressions of mutual respect in honor of the event; but if not, it proceeded to its second stage, which was called diffi- culty. In this each party to the previous misunderstanding sought to sacrifice the other, to appease some imaginary deity who was believed to delight in human sacrifices. The sacrifice was sometimes performed with the knife, sometimes with the shooting-iron. Strange to say, each party sought to honor this imaginary deity, to whose ser- vice he professed to be devoted, by being the sacrificer rather than the sacrificed. Unless, therefore, one party or the other attained this purpose by concealing his shooting- iron beneath his raiment, and shooting through it with en- tire indifference to the cost of his apparel (in the original, dha77ithex fentz) a struggle ensued which had not the pe- culiar decorum and solemnity becoming a religious cere- mony. It is particularly worthy of notice that the diffi- THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 2*] to you do ye even so to them, even unto Nig- gahs. 41 . For Charles the Summoner had declared that it was not lawful for the men of the South to take their Niggahs out of their own prov- inces. And thus it was that Prestenbruux was offended in him. 42. Wherefore Prestenbruux took unto him- self other Phiretahs, and he sought Charles the Summoner, and found him alone at a table, writing in the great hall of Unculpsalm. And he came upon him unawares, and he smote him and beat him to the ground, so that he was nigh unto death. 43. And this was the second ministration of the new gospel of peace. But even now it was not preached, for it had yet no apostle. 44. And after these things, James, whose surname being interpreted meaneth Facing- both-ways, ruled in the land of Unculpsalm. cultj and the likkerinnup were peculiar to the Phiretahs, and were unknown to the langkies, and throughout the region north of the border of Masunandicsun, except among the Pahdees, who were strangers within the gates of Gotham. 28 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. CHAPTER IV. I. The cJioice of Abraham the Honest. lO. The Phiretahs rebel against him. 14. Compromise. 17. The Phi- retahs xv ill have no more Cojnpromise. \%. Ken Edee and Robert of Jahrji. 23. Phertianditvtid compro- tnisetk unto Robert. 24. The men of the North -wax "wroth. NOW the time drew nigh when James should cease to rule in the land of Un- culpsalm. 2. And the men of the North, save the Dim- michrats, among whom were the Pahdees, strove to have Abraham, who was surnamed the honest, made ruler in the place of James Facing-both-way s . 3. But the Phiretahs of the South said, Let us choose, and let the voices be numbered, and if our man be chosen, it is well, but if Abra- ham, we will destroy the nation. 4. But the men of the North believed them not, because of the Great Covenant, and be- % cause they trusted them to be of good faith in this matter. For among the men of the North, even those who lived by casting lots for gold stood by the lot when it was cast. And the THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 29 men of the North beheved not that men of their own blood, whose sons were married unto their daughters, and whose daughters unto their sons, would faithlessly do this thing which they threatened. 5 . But the men of the North knew not how the Niggah had driven out all other thoughts from the hearts of the men of the South, even so that they would violate the Great Covenant, and set at naught the election according there- unto if it went against them. 6. And there were throughout the provinces of the land of Unculpsalm at the North great multitudes, Dimmichrats, of whom were the Pahdees, who were friends of the Phiretahs of the South, and wished them well, and labored with them ; for they said. It is because that we are allied to the men of the South, and by rea- son of the everlasting Niggah, that we rule the land. 7. But they deceived themselves ; for it was the Phiretahs which ruled the land, using the Ver. 7. The Phiretahs used the Dimmichrats and brought these their creatures and servants to think, as they them- selves did, only of the everlasting Niggah. It becomes us to take warning from this example. To have only one thought tends to edification in regard to that thought only, but to destruction in regard to all other interests. The Phiretahs were ready to sacrifice their country to one thought, and they went to destruction ; the Dimmichrats were ready to sacrifice their own self-respect and the honor of their country 3* 30 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. Dimmichrats, and by the one thought of the everlasting Niggah. 8. Yet it came to pass that when the voices of the people were numbered, according to the Great Covenant, Abraham was chosen. 9. Then the Phiretahs of the South began to do as they had threatened ; and they gath- ered together in their provinces, and said. Our provinces shall no longer be a part of the land of Unculpsalm, for we will not have this man Abraham to rule over us. 10. Yet were there men of the South, a great multitude, among whom was Stephen, of Jahrji, who said. Not so : Why will ye do this great wickedness and destroy the nation ? It is right for us to respect the Great Covenant. If the man who had our voices had been chosen, the men of the North would have received him, and obeyed him as the chief ruler in the land of Unculpsalm ; and it is meet and right that we should do likewise, even according to the Great Covenant. Moreover, we have suf- fered no wrong at the hands of the new rulers ; to one purpose, the determination to rule, and they also were destroyed. This history breaks off leaving the party that destroyed the Phiretahs and the Dimmichrats in possession of the government, — a great loss to posterity. It would have been interesting and instructive to learn whether this party took warning from the fate of its predecessors, or gave itself also up to one idea, and was destroyed in turn. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 3I and the old were men of our own choosing. Will ye make this land like unto Mecsicho? 11. But the Phiretahs would not hearken unto these men, and went on their way, and beat some of them, and hanged others, and threatened noisily, and gathering unto them all the people of the baser sort, and inflaming them with hate and strong drink, they set up a rule of terror throughout their provinces. For the Phiretahs were men of blood. So the Phiretahs prevailed over the men who would have respected the Great Covenant. 12. And the men of the North, both they who had given their voices for Abraham and they who had given their voices with the men of the South against him, were amazed and stood astounded. And they said among them- selves. This is vain boasting and vaunting, such as we have seen aforetime, done for the sake of more compromise. 13. (Now in the land of Unculpsalm, when a man humbled himself before another which threatened him, he was said to compromise.) 14. And the Dimmichrats, save those who had hearkened unto the ministers of Belial, said, Let us compromise ourselves again unto our Southern brethren, and it shall be well with us. 15. For they said among themselves. If the men of the South go, they and their provinces, 32 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. thei e will be no more everlasting Niggah ; and we shall cease to rule the land. And if they go not, behold, then they will remember that we have compromised unto them, and they will again be gracious unto their servants, and will admit us unto a share in the government, and we shall rule the land as aforetime. 1 6. But the Phiretahs were wise in their generation, and they saw that the Dimmichrats were of no more use unto them, and that be- cause the men of Belial had prevailed against the Dimmichrats, their power was gone in their provinces ; and so, as they could no more use the Dimmichrats, they would not listen to them, and spurned their compromising, and spat upon it, and went on to destroy the nation, and prepared to make war against Abraham if he should begin to rule over them. 17. Now in those days there was a man in Gotham named Ken Edee, who was chief cap- tain of the v/atchmen of the city and the region round about ; and in Jahrji was a man named Robert, who dwelt among the tombs, and who was possessed of an evil spirit whose name was Blustah. And Robert was a Phiretah. 18. And Ken Edee, chief captain of the watch in Gotham, found arms going from Gotham to the Phiretahs in Jahrji, and he seized them. For he said, Lest they be used to destroy the nation, and against the Great THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 33 Covenant, which is the supreme law in the land of Unculpsalm, to which first belongeth my obedience. 19. Then Robert, who dwelt among the tombs, being seized upon by his demon Blus- tah, sent a threatening message unto Phernan- diwud. 20. (For at this time Phernandiwud was chief ruler in the city of Gotham.) 21. Saying, Wherefore keep ye the arms of the Phiretahs? Give them unto us that we may make war against you, or it shall be the worse for you. 22. Then Phernandiwud, because he hated the chief of the watchmen of Gotham, and because he hoped for the good success of the Phiretahs, compromised himself unto Robert, and crawled on his belly before him in the dust, and said, Is thy servant a man that he should do this thing? Thy servant kept no arms, neither would he do so. Let them who have the evil spirit Bak Bohn do thus unto my lords the Phiretahs. Behold, thy servant is no man, but a Phlunkee. 23. (Now the Phlunkees were men who had never had the spirit Bak Bohn, or who had had it cast out of them, because when they would have prostrated themselves and humbled themselves in the dust and compro- mised to their profit, the spirit rent them sore. 34 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. So they had each of them his Bak Bohn cast out of him.) 24. And the Phiretahs went on their way without hindrance. For James, by facing both ways, faced neither ; and by both the men of the South and the men of the North he was not regarded. And the nation spued him out of its mouth. 25. And Abraham ruled the land. But the Phiretahs withstood him, and made war upon him, and drove his captains out of the strong- holds which were in their provinces, and hum- bled the banner of Unculpsalm. 26. Then all the men of the North, even the Dimmichrats, of whom were the Pahdees, were exceeding wroth ; and they rose up against the Phiretahs of the South, and marched against them to drive them out of the strong places which they had seized, and to plant thereon again the banner of Unculpsalm. 27. For they all had exceeding reverence for the Great Covenant, and they were filled with pride of their nation, and of the might, and the wealth, and the vastness thereof, and chiefly that their people were more free than any other people, and that the tillers of the soil and the wayfaring men of that land could read and understand, and that there each man sat under his own vine and under his own fig tree with none to molest him or make him afraid. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 35 And they worshipped the banner of Uncul- psalm, and its folds were unto them as the wings of a ministering angel. 28. Moreover, the Dimmichrats said, We have striven for our brethren of the South against the men of Belial, who teach that it is wrong to oppress the Niggah by the power of Unculpsalm, and now they can no longer use us they cast us off. Behold, we will fight against them, lest, also, they make good their threats, and sever their provinces from our provinces, and there be no more everlasting Niggah, and our occupation be departed forever. 29. And thus it came to pass that there was war in the land of Unculpsalm. 36 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. CHAPTER V. 1. The Men of Gotham assemble. 2. Having each a Bak Bohn. 3. And Phernandiwud getteth a Bak Bolin, 5. And sfeaketh to the People. 8. Benjamin the Scribe goeth not to the Assembly^ but remaineth at home, mourning, i'^. His policy and his prosperity. iS. The War continueth for two years. 19. And -why. 26. The Rulers of jfonbool help the Phiretahs. NOW, when the news came that the Phi- retahs of the South with five thousand men, even a great multitude, had driven one of the captains of Unculpsahn with a band of ninety out of his stronghold, and when a proc- lamation of Abraham was spread abroad, call- ing on the men of Unculpsalm for the defence of their nation, and the retaking of its strong- holds, and the setting up of its banner which had been cast down, the men of Gotham gathered themselves together in an open place before the world. And Phernandiwud came also among them. 2. And each man that day out of whom had been cast the spirit Bak Bohn, took to himself another worse than the first. And it seemed THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 37 that day that in all Gotham there was not one Phlunkee. 3. And Phernandiwud saw this. So he also straightway took to himself a Bak Bohn. 4. For he said, Lest they also declare that I shall no longer be chief ruler of the city. 5. And many men of Gotham spake unto the people. Phernandiwud also lifted up his voice and said, Hear, O men of Unculpsalm ! give ear, O men of Gotham ! The rulers of this land of Unculpsalm chosen according to the Great Covenant have been defied. The Great Covenant itself hath been set at naught. The banner of Unculpsalm hath been cast down. The men of the South begin to make good their threatening that they would destroy this nation. 6. But I say unto you, in the words of the great ruler Jah Xunn, This nation must and shall be preserved, peaceably if we can, forcibly if we must. And let us have a strong rule and a government before which all men shall bow, that we may do this thing as becometh a great Ver. 3. Tool' to himself a Bak BoJm. The scholiast sug- gests that this passage is corrupt, and that we should read fshanibak bohn. Who this scholiast is I do not know, al- though like other commentators I designate him bj the definite article. From the number of manuscripts of dif- ferent ages upon which his annotations are said to exist he must have been a very industrious and a very long-lived person. See note A at the end of this book. 4 38 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. nation. For I have said always aforetime, as ye can bear me witness, Let us strengthen the hands of the chief rulers, being myself chief ruler of this city. Hear therefore my pledge unto you this day: I throw myself wholly into this strife, with all my power and with all my might. 7. Now there were men who noted that Phernandiwud pledged himself with all his power and with all his might, but not with all his sovil. And they said, It is because he hath sold his soul unto the mighty spirit Sathanas, that he should help him. And others said. Not so ; for he had no soul to sell. But these were scoffers and men of Belial. 8. But Benjamin, the brother of Phernandi- wud, even Benjamin the scribe, came not into Ver. 8. Benjamin, the brother of Phernandiwud, emulat- ing the meekness of Moses, the modesty of Xenophon, and the simple directness of Caesar, keeps himself in the back- ground of his narrative, although it is plain that he took an active interest in the events which he describes. But when it is necessary for him to speak of himself he does it without hesitation or reserve. He probably remembered the " 'Hv (5e rig h rrj oTpaTid '^evo^uv 'A07]valog," of the Ana- basis and the lofty superiority to fame with which Cresar is spoken of in the commentaries. (For St. Benjamin pro- bably did not live more than eighteen centuries ago). In the above passage he shows clearly to which faction he be- longed : it was to the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmi- chrats — the men who lived in constant dread lest the everlasting Niggah should cease to exist in the land of Unculpsalm. He seems to have been sullen and obstinate j THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 39 the congregation of the people, but remained at home in his house, exceeding wroth and very sorrowful. For he said. Behold this people is given over to the spirit Bak Bohn, and into the hands of the men of Belial, who teach that the power of Unculpsalm, and the might of the banner of Unculpsalm, may not be used to oppress the Niggah. And this people will no more compromise itself before the men of the South ; and there will be no more Phlunkees, and the everlasting Niggah shall cease from off the land. And he wept him sore ; and cried out aloud. The sceptre hath departed from the Dimmichrats, and the glory from the tents of Tahmunee ! 9. And he wrote against the people of the North ; and sought to exorcise the might}^ spirit Bak Bohn, and to cast it out of them. But he could not. 10. Now Benjamin the scribe was also a just man, and a righteous, and walked uprightly before the law. 11. For the law said. Thou shalt not live by casting lots for gold. For he who liveth by casting lots for gold deceiveth the foolish man but his high respect for law and his rigid abstinence from any act which would send him to prison must command our admiration ; and it was probably on account of this fine trait of character that by the voice of the Pahdecs he was made a lawgiver in the land of Unculpsalm. 40 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. to his hurt, and defraudeth the widow and the fatherless. It is an abomination. And he that Hveth by casting lots for gold shall be guilty and shall be cast into prison. 12. Wherefore Benjamin, being a just man and a righteous, said, I will not live by casting lots for gold. Far be it from me to do this thing which is unlawful, and which will get me into prison. But I will sell policies ; and this shall be the craft by which I will live. 13. For what saith the prophet Daniel (not Sickles)? " And through his policy also shall he cause craft to prosper in his hand ; and he shall magnify himself in his heart." 14. For Benjamin also searched the Scrip- ture, saying : Peradventure I may find therein something to my advantage. 15. Wherefore Benjamin the scribe, through his policies, caused craft to prosper in his hand, and magnified himself in his heart. 16. And he said within himself, I will be a lawgiver in the land of Unculpsalm, even for the men of Gotham. Wherefore, he also made unto himself friends among the Pahdees ; and he became a lawgiver in the land. 17. But the men of Gotham cast out Pher- nandiwud from his office of chief ruler of the city; because they remembered that he had compromised upon his belly to Robert who dwelt among the tombs, and had eaten dirt I THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 4I before him. Also that he had said, let us take our city out of the nation. So they put no trust in him. 18. Now so it was that after the space of nearly two years the war which was in the land of Unculpsalm came not to an end. 19. For the men of the North and the men of the South were of one blood ; and both were valiant. And the men of the North were more in number than the men of the South. But the men of the South multiplied themselves because of their Niggahs. For their Niggahs went not to war, but stayed at home to till the soil. Moreover they were fighting upon their own ground ; and much of their land was mire and marshes, desert land and wilderness, through which the armies of Unculpsalm wandered vainly, and where they stuck fast. And the men of the South cast up mounds upon their roads, and before their cities, and made strong their high places with towers. And their land was filled with strong places, and with men of war and engines of war, such as the men of the North looked not to see in that land. 20. For the men of the South were astonished when the men of the North marched against them ; because the men of the North had so often compromised themselves unto them, that they thought they were all Phlunkees, and that the spirit Bak Bohn had been utterly cast out 42 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. of them. And without that spirit men cannot fight. 21. Wherefore, the men of the South which had Niggahs, even the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs, seeing that their case was desperate, forced all the men of their country into their armies, and took the men which had respect unto the government of Unculpsalm, according to the Great Covenant, and loved the banner of Unculpsalm and would not fight against it, and they cast them into pits and into dungeons, and scourged them, and hanged them upon trees, after their manner. And being men of blood, and seeing that their case was desper- ate, they made it a terror to live in their coun- try except unto them that professed to desire that the nation might be destroyed. So all men either professed to desire it, or held their peace. 22. But in the land of the men of the North no man was molested. And men of the South dwelt there, and were spies and helpers unto their brethren. And men of the North, men of peace, which also were Phlunkees, helped their masters the Tshivulree and the Phi- retahs. 23. And the men of the South had among them great captains ; men of might and wis- dom in battle. And they chose to be ruler over them Jeph, surnamed the Repudiator. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 43 24. (Now among the men of Unculpsalm, when a man would neither pay the debt that he owed, nor acknowledge it and ask it to be forgiven him, he was called a repudiator.) 25. And Jeph had been captain over a thou- sand in the armies of Unculpsalm when they went into Mecsicho, and had also been one of the great Council : and he was a bold" man, and a crafty, one who knew neither fear nor scruple. 26. Moreover, the men of the South were helped mightily from beyond the sea, even by the men of the kingdom of Jonbool, from which their land was wrested by the forefathers of the men of Unculpsalm. 27. Yet the men of Unculpsalm would have loved the men of that nation, even as a son lov- eth his mother which bore him. But the no- bles and the rich men of Jonbool scorned the men of Unculpsalm, and would none of their affection, and made light of their honor. 28. For the men of Unculpsalm had forgiven the men of Jonbool their oppression and their Ver. 28. And got thereby gold and honor in the land of Jo7ibool. The reader need hardly be informed that there is no such country now known as the land of Jonbool. Its very name is lost in oblivion. But some persons have strangely supposed that Great Britain was prefigured in this land of Jonbool. How vain this supposition is, the passage now before us shows. For what candor and what courtesy have not distinguished the comments of British 44 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. scorn, and had shown then* Prince great honor ; but the men who governed that nation had not forgiven the men of Unculpsalm their victory when they wrested that land from the kingdom of Jonbool. And the prosperity and the glory of that land was an offence unto them. And certain of their scribes, which also were Phlun- kees, wrote scornfully against the land of Un- culpsalm, and bore false witness against it from generation to generation, and got thereby gold and honor in the land of Jonbool. 29. Wherefore, when the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs lifted up the standard of revolt, the rulers of the land of Jonbool said one to another, 30. Lo, the time for which we have waited without hope draweth nigh ; and the land of Unculpsalm may be divided, and the nation destroyed, and the pride of the people cast travellers upon other nations ! The accusation that abuse of another and a kindred people brought gain to the writer in the land of Jonbool, shows clearly that Great Britain could not have been foreshadowed. It is true that Mr. Dickens, when he had no thought of coming to this coun- try, made old Mr. Weller counsel his son to send Mr. Pick- wick to America, and then " let him come back and write a book about the 'Merrikins, as 'ill pay all his expenses, and more, if he bloivs 'ejn up enough : " and that he him- self some years after followed this advice, and found it good. But this, we all know, was a mere freak of fortune, — a striking exception to the common rule with British travellers and the British public. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 45 down. And the might of their power shall be broken, and the glory of that land shall no longer be an offence unto us ; and we shall be avenged without peril and without cost. 31. Likewise, also, said the nobles and the great men of other lands, where the few de- voured the substance of the many. 32. So the rulers of the land of Jonbool made proclamation to all the earth, that in that war they would regard the men of the South which had revolted even as they regarded the rulers of the land chosen according to the Great Covenant. For they said. Thus shall we en- courage them, and give aid to them ; and it shall cost us nothing : and after this they will be more ashamed to submit themselves unto the law which they have broken, and to the rulers which they have defied. 33. And the nobles and the merchants of that land, which aforetime had cursed and re- viled the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs, and had imputed the deeds which were theirs only unto all the men of Unculpsalm, said Amen. 34. And the merchants of Jonbool sent the Phiretahs merchandise, and the armorers made them arms, and the ship-men builded them Ver. 32. Note here the subtlety, the craftiness, and the self-seeking of the ruling men in Jonbool. Observe, too, their end, as it hereafter appears in this truthful and in- structive history. 46 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. ships, swifl and mighty, wherewith to destroy the ships of the men of the North. For they said, thus shall we be avenged, and turn, also, every man, an honest penny. State-craft and business shall prosper together, and profit shall go hand in hand with pleasure. 35. And thus was the rebellion strengthened in the land of Unculpsalm ; so that although the armies of Unculpsalm drove the men of the South out of much country where they had set up their banners, and captured many of their chief cities, and held all that they had taken, yet after two years were not their armies scat- tered or destroyed, or their ships which the men of Jonbool had builded for them, driven from the sea. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 47 CHAPTER VI. I. Abraham a7id his Coufisellors not wise in their ge7iera- tion. 6. Which is well pleasing to certain Dimmichrats. 10. Who seek to work confusion. 12. And to compro- mise themselves unto the Phiretahs. 13. And do com- promise themselves unto the Ambassador of Jojibool. 16. Who is crafty and turneth neither to the right nor to the wrong. 17. The wrath of the men of the North. 21. The sect of Peace Men. 25. The House of Hi- ram the Publican. 27. A Woman of the Phiretahs. 29. Samuel seeketh her and mi?iistereth unto her. 31. Abraham ministereth occasion utito the Peace Men. 35. They have a martyr. NOW Abraham was honest; but he was not wise in his generation. 2. Likewise also of the chief counsellors that he appointed that one that was counsellor for the war wrought only mischief and confusion ; even so that Abraham, who was long-suffering Ver. I. This Abraham seems to have been one of those men who without great capacity, or even the ability to make a great effort, yet by simplicity of character, honesty, singleness of purpose, sagacity, and ready sympathy, ob- tain a moral power which many men more highly gifted find out of their reach. The langkies seem to have un- derrated him as much in the early part of this great war as they seem to have overrated him at the time of its trium- phant close. 48 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. and slow to anger, would sometimes put down his foot in wrath. 3. Now Abraham's foot was heavy, but his head was light, and his knees were feeble. So his foot came down in the wrong place, or at the wrong time, or else it continued not down until the end was accomplished. 4. Wherefore he prevailed not. And he was called Abraham the well-meaning. And men pitied him. 5. And Abraham and his counsellors should have ruled with a firm hand and a mighty arm, and have bound the land together with bands of steel, and have smitten down the strong and set at naught the proud, and been gracious unto the feeble. But they wavered, and shrank from the voice of threatening, both in their own land and in the land of Jonbool. 6., And this was well pleasing imto certain men of the Dimmichrats. For they said in their hearts. If this nation can be saved by the rule of the Dimmichrats of our faction, let it be saved ; but if not, let it perish, and let us rule in our own provinces. 7. But they said not this openly; for they feared the people. 8. For in all this time the hearts of the men of the North failed them not in their wickedness, neither did they alter in their purpose to save their nation from destruction. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 49 9. And of the Dimmichrats it was only they who were faithful to their masters the Tshiv- ulree and the Phiretahs, and who were meek and lowly, and who sought to compromise unto them, and crawl on their beUies before them, which was well fitting for them to do, and to say unto them. What would our masters have? and what shall their servants do that they may be gracious unto their servants, and allow them a little share in the ruling of this land ? — it was these only among the Dimmichrats who were well pleased because Abraham and his counsellors prevailed not. 10. And these men held not up the hands of Abraham their ruler, but sought occasion to prevent his purposes and to bring his counsels to confusion, and his doings to naught. 11. And when Abraham's foot came down in the wrong place, or continued not down until the end was accomplished, and men's hearts were sick with disappointment, they sought to turn them in favor of Jeph the Re- pudiator and his counsellors. 12. And they said, Let us not have war with our masters the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs ; but let us compromise unto them, and crawl on our bellies before them, even as we did afore- time ; for it is meet and right and a pleasant thing to be humble. 50 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 13. And they sent messengers unto the Tshivuh-ee and the Phh-etahs, saying these things ; and their scribes wrote them in books by night and sent them out unto the people by day. But the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs spurned them ; for now that they could no more use them, they looked at them with loathing. 14. Likewise also some of them went privily to the ambassador of the land of Jonbool, even that land which sought the destruction of the nation of Unculpsalm. 15. And they said unto him, Let us take counsel together that we may bring about this great end, the ceasing of the war without the putting down of the rebellion. 16. But he was crafty and answered them nothing. And he wrote letters unto the rulers of his land, saying, I will watch faithfully, and Ver. 13. Their scribes xvrote them in boohs. What these books were seems to be beyond the reach of conjecture. There is no other mention of anything of the kind in an- cient oriental literature ; neither can any trace of such writings be found in the East of the present day. That frivolous critic, Robinson, whose weak surmises are almost unworthy of notice, says that obviously these books were the writings called Gnuzepaypahs. Granted ; but the ques- tion still remains : What were the Gnuzepaypahs ? Here even the ingenuity of that learned critic, Dr. Hobvius Trite, is at fault. But as these books treated of the gravest polit- ical and moral questions, and yet were written at night and spread abroad in the morning, they must have been very weak and ill-considered works. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 5 1 I will turn aside neither to the right nor to the wrong, going which way it may be needful, if it leadeth to our profit. So shall I show my- self worthy to be a ruler and a noble in the land of Jonbool. 17. Now when this letter was noised abroad in the land of Unculpsalm, the men of the North were incensed, and the fire of their an- ger was hot against the Dimmichrats that called themselves Peace men. For upon this matter the men of Belial, and the Dimmichrats which were not Peace men, and the Pahdees, were of one mind. 18. And they said. Who is it that hath dared thus to humble this nation ? Let him come out before us. And no man answered. 19. For they which had done it saw that they could not stand before the people and live. Yet still they said in their hearts, If this nation can be saved by the rule of the Dimmichrats of our faction, let it be saved ; but if not, let it perish, and let us rule in our own provinces. For now they had but one thought ; not how the rebelhous Tshivulree and Phiretahs might be subdued and compelled again to their obe- dience, but how they might again rule the land and divide the spoil, and have again their everlasting Niggah. 20. Wherefore they cried aloud for war, but labored in secret to bring the war to naught, 52 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. and to tiirn the minds of the people to peace, that they might compromise unto the Phiretahs as they did aforetime. And they watched for their occasion. 21. Now the chiefs of this sect in Gotham were these : ■ 22. Phernandiwud, who had been chief ruler of the city, and Benjamin his brother ; James the scribe, which knew nothing, and Erastus his brother; Samuel, who was rich in butter; Hiram the publican, who was also a sinner, and Elijah, who smelled the battle afar in the tents of Tahmunee ; Cyrus (not he that was taught to ride, to shoot the bow, and to speak the truth, yet did this Cyrus shoot with a longer bow than the other) ; Primus the scribe, whose beard was like Aaron's, and who dwelt among the merchants ; Samuel, who made the light- nings of heaven his messengers ; Ker Tiss, who wrote concerning the Great Covenant; Isaiah, who was a captain of the Hammerites ; Samuel, whose surname was Brinnzmayd, and whose fathers ate hasty-pudding ; and Augustus Ver. 22. Excepting Phernandiwud and one or two others whose names occur hereafter in this immortal work, the persons mentioned in this passage as chiefs of the sect of the Peace men among the Dimmichrats, although they may have been of some consequence at that day and in that party, appear to have been of so little importance that they soon faded from the memory of the people of Gotham. As to this passage, see p. of the Preface. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 53 the money-changer, who aforetime was called Schomberg. 23. Now the others were Gentiles, but Au- gustus was of the circumcision. 24. And all these men served diligently their master, who was Jeph the Repudiator. And many of them were Scribes, but all of them were Pharisees ; for they held to the letter of the law, but knew not its spirit. And they taught, like them of old, concerning the Sab- bath, that the nation was made for the Great Covenant, and not the Great Covenant for the nation. 25. And the inn of Hiram, which before the war began in the land of Unculpsalm had been filled with Tshivulree and Phiretahs, and with Phlunkees compromising themselves unto their masters the Phiretahs, and crawling upon their bellies before them, became now the chief place of resort for them that still served the Tshiv- ulree and labored to prosper the rebellion. There they gathered themselves together and craftily imagined in secret how they might en- snare the rulers of Unculpsalm, and rejoiced openly when the banner of the Phiretahs pre- vailed against the banner of Unculpsalm. So did the inn of Hiram become the synagogue of rebellion. 26. Now this inn was one of the great inns of Gotham, and was called by the name of 54 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. the city; and it stood upon the street which was called Broad, nigh unto the place which is called the place of the rent foundation. 27. And there came a woman of the Phi- retahs into Gotham. And she was married ; yet was her husband not with her. And she was comely and fair to look upon. 28. And it was told unto the rulers of Uncul- psalm, Behold, this woman of the Phiretahs Cometh to spy out the nakedness of the land. Wherefore the rulers sent a message unto Ken Edee, chief of the watchmen of Gotham, that he should take her and put her in ward. And he did so. 29. Now when Samuel, whose surname was Brinnzmayd, heard that Ken Edee had taken a woman of the Phiretahs and put her in ward, he went to her ; and when he saw that her hus- band was not with her, and that she was comely and fair to look upon, and that she had come to spy out the nakedness of the land, he suc- cored her and ministered unto her. And he caused Ken Edee to take her out of ward ; and when he had kept her in Gotham for awhile, that she might be comforted and see the naked- Ver. 28. This Samuel, like Scipio Africanus, Manlius Torquatus, and Coriolanus, seems to have derived his sur- name from his exploits ; and Brinnzmayd seems to have been the name of the Phiretah-woman whose champion he made himself. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 55 ness of the land, he sent her back into the land of Tshivulree. 30. So all these men, and many others which followed them, did nothing else night and day but strive to get the land again into the hands of their faction that they might serve their mas- ter Jeph the Repudiator, and compromise unto him, and preserve their everlasting Niggah. 31. Now while they were waiting their oc- casion, Abraham himself ministered it unto them. For one of the captains in the army of Unculpsalm took Clement, a lawgiver, be- cause he had said that Abraham was a usurper and a tyrant, in that he resisted Jeph the Re- pudiator, and had sought to diminish the armies of Unculpsalm, and cast him into prison ; and to a scribe which did likewise, the captain sent armed men that stood over him with drawn swords, saying. Ye shall no longer thus stir up the people to sedition. 32. And immediately the chief men of the Dimmichrats throughout the land raised a great uproar, for they said, Now cometh our oppor- tunity. 33. For there was a law in the land of Un- culpsalm that every man might speak and write freely all the promptings of his heart, so that he slandered not his neighbor, and that no man should be cast into prison save by a judge, when he had been condemned by twelve good 56 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. men of his province. And the people of the land of Unculpsalm regarded this law above all their other laws ; and it was a part of the Great Covenant and of the Great Charter of the lib- erties of that people. 34. But it was written in the Great Covenant that in times of sedition, privy conspiracy, and rebellion, this law should cease and be of no effect, for the safety of the nation. 35. Now the leaders of the Dimmichrats, who were wise in their generation, and who sought first to get power into their own hands, and afterwards the salvation of the nation, said among themselves, Lo, Abraham has given us a martyr ; and it is better than if he had given the armies of Unculpsalm a victory. Now, therefore, let us bewail the wrongs of Clement and the violence to the Great Covenant and the ancient Charter ; and we will declare that it is to preserve this nation from destruction, and we shall regain the hearts of this peo- ple. 36. And they did so. And the people for- gat the peril of the land, and how it was in more danger from traitors that were within than from foes that were without; and they forgat also the provision of the Great Covenant against such perils ; and there was a great commotion. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 57 37. And Abraham said, Let not Clement be kept in prison ; but let him be sent among the Phiretahs ; for they are his friends, and he is our enemy ; and let the scribe continue his writing. And it was done. So Clement be- came a martyr; and the scribe hardened his heart and was tenfold more the servant of the Phiretahs than before. For he said, Abraham feareth the Dimmichrats, and even the men of Belial fear them also, and the spirit Bak Bohn is again cast out of them. Ver. 37. See here the folly of temporizing with evil. Abraham and his counsellors, and, indeed, most of the langkies, seem to have been throughout this period afraid to say. Get thee behind me, Satan. See verse i of this chapter. 58 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. CHAPTER VII. I. Phernandiwud smmnonetJi his disciples to hear the New Gospel of Peace at the Hall of Peter the Barrelmaker. lo. Who ca?ne not to the Assembly, ii. And tvhy. 15. Who came. 17. Phernanditvud proclaimeth the Neiv Gospel of Peace. 23. The Hittites and Hammerites are well pleased. 25. But have groanings about the freedom of the Niggah. 28. Phernanditvud shoiveth that there is 710 right but Peace and the Everlasti?tg Niggah. 30. And Free Speech. 35. Meehness of Phernanditvud. 36. And of the Hittites and the Hammerites. 42. IsaiaJi telleth of a ministration of Peace. 49. The Netv Gospel of Peace spreadeth beyond the border of Masunandicsun, NOW Phernandiwud saw that his time was come. 2. And he said unto his famihars and to them which did his bidding (for he had a great fol- lowing in Gotham), Behold, the spirit of peace hath descended upon me ; and I go forth to de- clare the mystery of a new gospel of peace, a gospel of great gain, unto me first, and after- ward unto the Dimmichrats. And I shall re- ward them that are faithful unto me. 3. Go now therefore and summon the Dim- michrats who serve Jeph the Repudiator and the Phiretahs in Gotham : THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 59 4. James the scribe and Erastus his brother, who know nothing, and my brother Benjamin, who knoweth some things ; Samuel, who is rich in butter, Hiram, the pubhcan ; Ehjah, who smelleth the battle afar off; Cyrus, who shooteth with a longer bow than the first Cyrus ; Primus, who dwelleth among the merchants ; Ker Tiss, of the Great Covenant; Isaiah, cap- tain of the Hammerites ; Samuel, who sendeth the lightning on his errand, and the other Sam- uel, whose surname is Brinnzmayd; and Au- gustus, the money-changer. 5. And say unto them. Gather yourselves together, ye and your following, every man of you at the hall of Peter who is called the Bar- rel-maker, and in the open space round about, that ye may hear from my lips the new gospel of peace. 6. Now this Peter made the substance where- by one thing sticketh unto another thing. Wherefore he was for union ; and he called the hall which he had builded, the Union (for he said, Thus shall I stick this nation together) ; but the people called it after his own name. And he was rich, and he offended no man. 7. Now in the land of Unculpsalm, whoso- ever was rich and offended no man, became one of the chief men of his city, and of his country. 8. Moreover, Peter gave of his substance 6o THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. unto the people. And this was he who, at a feast given unto the Prince of the land of Jon- bool, clapped the Prince upon the shoulder and said unto him, My lord the Prince shall dance next with my daughter. For he was a gracious man and a courteous, and he knew that his daughter was comely. 9. And Phernandiwud looked for the assem- bling of the men which he had summoned, they and their following, at the hall of Peter the Barrelmaker, and the space round about. 10. But these men came not : James the scribe, and Erastus his brother ; Samuel, whose surname is Brinnzmayd, and the other Samuel ; Benjamin the brother of Phernandiwud, and Elijah of Tahmunee ; Hiram the publican, and Cyrus, Primus, and Augustus the money-chang- er, and their following. 11. For they said within themselves. This gospel of peace will be an offence unto the people, who are perverse in their hearts, and who love the banner of Unculpsalm, and have respect unto the rulers chosen according to the Great Covenant, even although the men be not to their liking, and who are foolishly bent on overthrowing the armies and the power of them who would destroy the nation. 12. Wherefore we will not be seen listenincr to the gospel of peace. For it shall be better for us to cry out for war, and meanwhile to hin- THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 6l der the war in secret, and to seek every occa- sion to bring the rulers of our country to scorn and derision in the time of her trial, and to aid Jeph the Repudiator, and his spies, and his emissaries, and to work confusion in the land. 13. For so shall the people be weary of their rulers, and bewildered with our confusion ; and they shall trust us, and turn unto us in their desolation, and say. Verily, these are the men, and they shall make us rulers of the land. 14. Then shall we compromise ourselves again unto our masters the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs, as it is meet and right and pleas- ant for us to do ; and we shall find yet deeper dust wherein to crawl before them ; and we shall loosen the bonds of these provinces, and make each governor of a province thereof a lit- tle satrap, but great in his own eyes and in the eyes of the Phlunkees, which will surround him, that he may defy the chief ruler of the land; and we shall divide the spoil. 15. But these men came to the hall of Peter the Barrel-maker to hear Phernandiwud de- clare the new gospel of peace : 16. Din Ninny, who was chief ruler of the assembly, and who directed all the doings thereof; Isaiah, who was captain of the Ham- merites ; and many others of the sect of Smal- phri among the Dimmichrats. 62 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 17. And with them there came a great mul- titude of the Hittites and the Hammerites, and of the Dedrabitz from Koubae beyond Bough- eree, and the dwellers in Phyvpintz, which is nigh unto the Tombs where they buried Juz Tiss (now Juz Tiss was not of kin unto that Ker Tiss who wrote of the Great Covenant) , and in Makkurilvil, and in the country as thou goest by the shore of the river on the East, unto Shyppyardz. 18. And all these men gathered themselves together, fiercely bent upon peace. And they filled the hall of Peter the Barrel-maker, and the open space round about. 19. And when Phernandiwud stood up and beckoned unto them they shouted for about Ver. 17. At this remote period, all traces of the minor localities mentioned in this passage have vanished, even if we were able to conjecture where was the city of Gotham or the land of Unculpsalm in which it occupied so impor- tant a position. But it is plain that the Dedrabitz, the dwellers in Koubae beyond Bougheree, in Phyvpintz and in Makkurilvil, no less than the Hittites and the Hammer- ites and the Pahdees, were the chief supporters of Pher- nandiwud, who had made him ruler of the city and a lawgiver in the land, and that these were also the friends of the Phiretahs. Dr. Hobvious Trite begs me to say that he suspects some satirical allusion in the designation of the Tombs as the place where Juz Tiss was buried, and in the remark that Juz Tiss was not of kin to Ker Tiss. But who Juz Tiss was Dr. Trite cannot conjecture. He, how- ever, says that he is sure that there are traces of satire in other passages of this work, — a supposition which is ingen- ious, but oversubtle. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 63 the space of half an hour. For they remem- bered what he had done for them aforetime ; and they looked for a ministration of the gos- pel of peace, such as there had been between the watchmen of Phernandiwud and those which had been appointed by the governor and rulers of the province. 20. And they said within themselves, Now shall we once more break the heads of the watchmen of Ken Edee ; and there shall be peace again in the land. 21. And Phernandiwud said unto them, Hearken, O men of Gotham ! I come before you this day preaching a new gospel of peace. Peace on earth and good-will to men. Peace on earth, that I and my faithful followers may get what is due unto us, and good-will unto men who are of our persuasion among the Dimmichrats. 22. For there be Dimmichrats, yea, verily, even Pahdees, who are not of our persuasion, and who enter not into our congregation. Let them be accursed. 23. And all the people said. Hi ! hi ! For such is the manner of the Hittites and the Hammerites of Gotham when they are well pleased. 24. And again Phernandiwud opened his mouth and said, O my brethren, the day of calamity cometh upon the land of Unculpsalm, 64 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. and there is no man able to help. Therefore have I come hither that I may save this nation. No man raiseth the banner of peace. There- fore will I raise it, that war and hate, which are the children of Satan, may be at an end, except for the Dimmichrats which are not of our persuasion, and the men of Belial which preach freedom unto the Niggah. Them let us hate with a perfect hatred, and upon them let us make war without ceasing. 25. And when the Hittites and Hammerites heard of liberty to the Niggah, they all groaned with an exceeding loud groan, as it were if each man had been seized with pangs of grip- ing in his bowels. For to hear of freedom to the Niggah is gall and wormwood to the Hit- tites and the Hammerites. 26. Then said Phernandiwud, Through the pride of their hearts, and the vanity and wick- edness of their imaginations, the rulers of this land have sinned and done wickedly in that they have not allowed the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs to destroy this nation without making war upon it. 27. For the land of Unculpsalm hath no right to a government, neither hath the people of Unculpsalm any right to be a nation. Nei- ther is the Great Covenant a covenant to be kept, except by the men of each province, so long as it is pleasing in their eyes. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 65 28. But these only are right, Peace and the everlasting Niggah. Such peace as we had aforetime, ere the accursed spirit Bak Bohn took possession of this people ; 29. Such peace as will enable our brethren of the South to eat their bread in the sweat of another's face ; to rob the laborer of his hire ; to oppress the weak, and set their foot upon the neck of the lowly ; to beat their Niggahs with many stripes, to hunt them with dogs, and to slay them ; to take their women for concu- bines, and to beget of them sons and daugh- ters ; and to sell from the mother the fruit of her womb and the nursling of her bosom ; to make merchandise of the fruit of their own loins, and to sell their own flesh and blood into bondage forever. 30. Peace, my brethren, which will also re- store our right of free speech according to the Great Covenant ; of which we have been robbed by the rulers of this land, that they may wage their wicked war upon the Phi- retahs. 31. For, O men of Gotham, ye see this day how your rulers oppress you, and will allow no man to speak evil of them, that they may wage this war without let or hindrance ; and that all men's mouths are shut by fear of the gallows or the dungeon, who will not prophesy smooth things of their damnable doings, and 66 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. cover up their wickedness and glorify their abominations. 32. Therefore I declare unto you that we must have the peace, the peace which ensueth from free speech. So that when men of Belial seek to turn the hearts of the men of the South to set- ting their bondsmen free, and taking away from us our everlasting Niggah, the Phiretahs may seize upon them, and beat them with many stripes, and hang them upon trees, and roast them with fire, and pour hot pitch upon them, and ride them upon sharp beams, very grievous to bestride. Peace and free speech, such as there was on the day when Prestenbruux smote down Charles the Summoner, and beat him until he was nigh unto death. 33. Let this Peace hover over the land, scat- tering balm from her outstretching wings : balm for the wounded souls of the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs ; balm for the wounds which Dimmi- chratic brethren have inflicted on each other ; balm for my bruised spirit and defrauded ex- pectations. 34. Let this peace come to us, my brethren, and the wolf of the South and the lamb of the North shall lie down together, and there shall no more be contention between them ; for the lamb shall be inside of the wolf. 35. Let us then be lambs, O men of Gotham ! Yea, let us be meek as lambs. For it is writ- ten that the meek shall inherit the earth. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 6*] 36. Then the Hittites and the Hammerites again cried out Hi ! hi ! after their fashion ; and in a twinkling many of them took an oath that they were the meek, and that they should inherit the earth. 37. Then Phernandiwud said, All now is well with us, my brethren, and with the land of Unculpsalm. Peace and free speech shall prevail among us now and forever. 38. Then the Hittites and the Hammerites shouted with a great shout, and they clenched their fists and said, God do so to us and more also, if we break not every man his head which saith there shall not henceforth be peace and free speech throughout the land. 39. And no man answered. So they said, Lo, there is peace. 40. And Phernandiwud said these things many times. 41. Now when Phernandiwud had made an end of speaking unto the people, there arose Isaiah, he who was captain of a band of the Hammerites, and which was one of the chief disciples of Phernandiwud. And he said, 42. Shall there not be peace, my brethren? Remember ye not the time when Philip, the Ver. 40. Attd Phernaiiditvtid said these things many times. As to this gathering together of the people of Gotham to hear Phernandiwud, see note A at the end of this book. 68 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. priest of Beelzebub, came here preaching de- liverance to the captive and the setting at lib- erty even of the Niggah ? and how he entered into the Tabernacle and gathered unto him iniquitous men, men of Belial, who hearkened unto him, and believed in him? 43. And remember ye not how I, with you, Hammerites, who break the heads of all them who set themselves against you, and you, O Hittites, who hit from the shoulder, went into the Tabernacle and broke up their congrega- tion and scattered their assembly ? 44. And I knocked down Philip, and drag- ged him out of the pulpit wherein he was speaking, and drave him out of the Taber- nacle ? 45. Yea, verily, I knocked him down; for 1 am a man of Peace ; and dragged him out of his pulpit and drave him forth of the Taber- nacle ; for I love free speech. Ver. 44, 45. It is a striking illustration of the manners and customs of the strange people which inhabited the land of Unculpsalm, and of their devotion to truth and justice, that a passage of the manuscript too mutilated to be given in the translation here, reveals that on account of these and other like services in the cause of peace and free speech, Isaiah was made one of the chief officers of Un- culpsalm in the city of Gotham, and most appropriately an officer of justice. The loss of this office, in consequence of an agitation which brought on a bloody war, naturally led a man of his peaceful habits and love of justice to become one of the believers in the new gospel preached by Pher- nandiwud. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 69 46. Then the Hittltes and the Hammerites and the Dimmichrats, which had joined them- selves unto the faction of Jeph the Repudiator, burst out into a great shouting ; and for the space of about an hour they did nothing but cry Peace and Free Speech, and death unto him that sayeth to the contrary. 47. And when they were weary of shouting, they went each man unto his own home. 48. And the new gospel of peace spread abroad, and prevailed mightily. 49. And it went throughout all the land of Unculpsalm even beyond the border of Masun- andicsun. 50. So that in about ten days the chief captain of the Tshivulree, whose name was Robbutleeh, took an army of the Phiretahs and marched into two of the provinces of the land of Unculpsalm, proclaiming the new gos- pel of peace. 5 1 . And he laid parts of those provinces waste with fire, and he destroyed the bridges that were over their rivers, and carried off their horses, and their corn, and their cattle; and put all them that resisted the new gospel of peace to the sword. 52. So the people began to understand the mystery of the new gospel ; and they glorified it ; and they said, yet a little while and the Niggah shall be restored to his bondage, and 70 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs shall be our masters, and peace shall rule the land with a rod of iron, and we shall compromise ourselves forever. And there was great rejoicing. 53. Now I, even I, Benjamin the scribe, the brother of Phernandiwud, have written these things, not of my own will, or of the prompt- ings of my own heart, for the truth is not in me. But forasmuch as the spirit of prophecy hath descended upon me, like Balaam, the son of Beor, I have uttered in mine own despite what hath been revealed to me, and I have written the mystery of the new gospel of peace. 54. And to few shall it be given to compre- hend this mystery. 55. And the acts of Phernandiwud, whose walk was slantindicular, and of his disciples, after the proclamation of the new gospel of peace, and of Hiram the publican, and of Elijah, who smelleth the battle afar off in the tents of Tahmunee ; and of Augustus, the money-changer, which was of the circumcision, Ver. 55. Observe the writer's modest consciousness of the importance of the task which was laid upon him, and of the interest which the world would take in his labors. Not content with having written this book, he declares that he will write another, and that it shall be for the enlighten- ment of all nations. And it was so. Rarely has the spirit of prophecy been more strikingly manifested than in this declaration. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 7 1 and of the other Pharisees and Phlunkees, shall not I, Benjamin the scribe, write them in a book? and they shall be spread abroad in all lands for the enlightening of all nations. END OF THE FIRST BOOK. 72 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. Note A. Ver. i8. The gathering together of the people at the summons of Phernandiwud and the leaders of his faction is not without some resemblance to our political meetings in modern days, — due allowance being made for the differ- ence of manners and tone of thought produced bj difference of race and remoteness in time. Compare with the account given in the text the following extracts from the report of a Democratic mass meeting held at the Cooper Institute, New York, on the 3d of June, 1863, of which the Hon. F. C. Dinninny, of Steuben County, N. Y., was chairman, and, in spite of the inevitable variations just mentioned, there will be found certain striking points of resemblance quite unac- countable except by the unchangeableness of human na- ture. [From the New York Times of June ^th, 1863.] " In pursuance of a call issued some weeks since, a Mass Convention of citizens in favor of peace was held last even- ing in and about the Cooper Institute. There were five organized gatherings, the principal one being held in the Hall of the Union, and the others in front of stands erected about the adjacent square. At half-past five p. m. the hall was densely crowded, but as the proceedings, as set down in the programme, were not commenced until some time afterward, the audience amused itself by cheering for McClellan, Vallandigham, Wood, Brooks, etc., and by groans for Burnside, Lincoln, and others." ADDRESS OF THE CONVENTION — EXTRACTS. *'In 1861 the Democratic party, under the impulse of the enthusiasm which prevailed, yielded to the insanity of the moment and its leaders, and, though the forms of the or- ganization were preserved, repudiated the fundamental principl-es of the party. " THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 73 "The professeti Democrat, who is for the war, is not a Democrat in fact, but an Abolitionist of the most radical, violent, and destructive kind/' " This war is the curse of the age in which we live." " The only road to Democratic victories is through peace." " We have been beaten ; we cannot conquer the South." "The war being unconstitutional, cannot be prosecuted constitutionallj." SPEECH OF FERNANDO WOOD. — EXTRACTS. "Disguise it as we may, candor compels the admission that our once proud Republic has fallen from its exalted height. It is now prostrate. Decried, insulted, and with- out a second-rate position abroad ; rent asunder by fearful civil war at home ; ruled by despotic power on principles of partisan hate, and upon theories of government utterly antagonistic to those upon which our institutions were founded, we stand before the world, an object of wonder, contempt, and ridicule. These facts are not referred to in a spirit of reproach. I but anticipate the record of history, and shall leave to others to fix the responsibility." "No man equal to this crisis has appeared, neither in the field nor in the cabinet; nor in the many elevated spheres of private life has the man presented himself with the brain, the heart, and the courage to seize and work out the great political problem now to be solved in our case, and to utter effectually the truths of reason with the force and power equal to the pending crisis. Those who have the intellectual ability have lacked the nerve, and those with the nerve have lacked the ability. But there is another wonder : that in this civilized population of over thirty millions, North and South, abounding with benevo- lence, purity, cultivation, and enlightened Christianity, none are found to raise the Banner of Peace. Among the thousand spires which rear their lofty turrets to a benig- nant God, not one covers a pulpit devoted to the true prin- ciples of Christ, and proclaims, ' On earth peace and good 7 74 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. will toward men.' . . . With this spirit and this deter- mination I throw myself into this cause, and in the lan- guage of Senator Benton, when he presented a proposition to the United States Senate with little hope of immediate success, and the general indignation of his compeers, ' Soli- tary and alone I set this ball in motion.'* " I declare for peace, and as preparatory for peace am in favor of a cessation of hostilities." "The war should cease, because it never should have been commenced, inasmuch as there is no coercive mili- tary power in the Federal Government, as against the States which are sovereign, and in possession of all power not delegated ; because, however legal and just at the com- mencement, it has been diverted from its ostensible origi- nal purpose and made a war for the abolition of slavery; because it is made a pretext for the most outrageous and damnable crimes against the liberty of the citizen, and the rights of property, and even against the form of govern- ment under which we live." \_From the Speech of Judge McCunn.'} *' I trust this demonstration to-night is the beginning of a great campaign that will hurl back far beyond the Merri- mack the mad, seething tide of fanaticism which has been surging far over our fair land, and which will settle forever this question. We will have to do battle, it is true, against the purse and the sword, the millions of office-holders, contractors, and satellites of the administration. But let us gird up our loins, and be prepared to do this battle peacefully. Let us organize in every hamlet and town through the land. We have the Jehovah of Peace on our side." AT OUTSIDE STAND, NUMBER ONE. • • • " The chairman had announced during the first part of the meeting that Fernando Wood would address the crowd, and most of the foregoing speakers had evi- dently been brought fdrward to keep the audience together THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 75 until the great man of the evening should make his appear- ance. But it was now getting late and the ' boys ' were getting impatient ; so the chairman — after bringing up, as a last resort, Edmon Blankman, and a man named An- drews, from Virginia, who declared himself an out-and-out rebel, and justified secession, on principle* — called on the audience to give three cheers for Governor Seymour, three more for George B. McClellan, and three for the Union ; all of which being heartily responded to, he declared the meeting adjourned." AT THE OUTSIDE GERMAN STAND. . . . " Fernando Wood . . . who was preceded by a shouting multitude, and received with every species of noise the human voice, feet, and hands can make. Mr. Wood's chief remark was an invitation to the government to send General Burnside to this Department [Cries, ' We'll settle him ! ' ' They dare not ! ' ' Hang Burnside ! ' 'Hang him!'] The remainder of Mr. Wood's remarks were almost identical with those elsewhere reported, with a little pleasant talk to the Germans. He went as he came amid great glory." It is interesting to read in connection with the above passages the following from Fernando Wood's speech at the Union War Meeting held at Union Square, New York, April 20th, 1861 : MAYOR WOOD'S SPEECH. •« Fellow-Citizens,— The President has announced that Colonel Baker, the gentleman who has so eloquently ad- dressed you to-day, proposes to raise a New York brigade, if the State will bear the expense of outfit; and here, as *This man, Andrews, afterward led the rioters in July, 1863, and is now imprisoned upon conviction of that crime ; Judge Nelson, of the Supreme Court, haying made his term of uuprisonmcut as long as the law would allow. *j6 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. mayor of this city, so far as I have the power to speak, I pledge for the corporation that sum. When I assumed the duties of the office I have now the honor to hold, my official oath was that I would support the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of the State of New York; and I imply from that that it is not only my duty, as it is con- sistent with my principles and sense of right, to support the Constitution, but the Union, the government, the laws, and the flag. And, in the discharge of that duty, I care not what past political associations may be severed. I am willing to give up all past prejudices and sympathies if in conflict with the honor and interest of my country in this great crisis. I am willing to say here that I throw myself entirely into this contest with all my power and with all my might. My friends, the greatest man next to Washing- ton that this country has ever produced — Andrew Jackson — has said that ' the Union must and shall be preserved,' and in that connection he has said, and it is directly perti- nent to the present contest, ' the Union must and shall be preserved — peaceably if we can, but forcibly if we must.* In accordance, then, with these views, I have no hesitation in throwing whatever power I may possess in behalf of the pending struggle. If a military conflict is necessary, and that military authority can be exercised under the Consti- tution and consistently with the laws, dreadful as the alter- native may be, we have no recourse except to take up arms. In times of great peril great sacrifices are required. My friends, it has been said here to-day that your flag has been insulted. Ay! not only has your flag been insulted, but the late Secretary of War, assuming to represent the Con- federate States, has said that the Confederate flag shall wave over your Capitol before the first of May ; and, more than that, that the Confederate flag shall wave over Faneuil Hall, in Boston. My friends, before that banner can fly over Faneuil Hall, in Boston, it must be carried over the dead body of every citizen of New York. In behalf of you I am prepared to say here, and, through the press, to our friends of the South, that before that flag shall float over the national Capitol, every man, woman, and child would THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 77 enlist for the war. Gentlemen, I have no voice, although the heart, to address you longer. Abler and more eloquent men than myself are here. I can only say, therefore, that I am with you in this contest. We know no party now. We are for maintaining the integrity of the national Union intact. We are for exhausting every power at our com- mand in this great, high, and patriotic struggle ; and I call upon every man, whatever may have been his position heretofore, whatever may be his individual sympathy now, to make one great phalanx in this struggle, that we may, in the language of the eloquent senator who preceded me, proceed to 'conquer peace.' My friends, it has been al- ready announced by the chairman that the Baltic and other vessels at the foot of Canal street are ready to take five thousand men to-morrow to the capital of Washington. I urge a hearty response to that call, that New York may speak trumpet-tongued to the people of the South." 7* The New Gospel of Peace. BOOK SECOND. [Published October 24th, 1863.] (79) BOOK SECOND CHAPTER I. I. Benjamin the Scribe hegiiutetJi the Second Book of the Neiv Gospel of Peace. 3. The E^hephvees. 4. They buy their wives. 5. Afid their concubines. 6. Tarry not for their purificatio7i with sxveet odors. 8. The Kopur- hedds. 10. Robbutleeh marcheth northward. 13. En- tereth the Province of Tschaddbelhee. 17. The Tytchmen. 24. They compromise unto Robbutleeh. 25. The Chief Ruler of lawrc. 28. A Captain of the Tshivulree maketh proclamation. 30. That he respecteth private property, ^t^. Commotion among the Kopur-hedds. HERE beginneth the second book of the mystery of the new gospel of peace, whereof I, Benjamin the Scribe, the brother of Phernandiwud, wrote in the former book which was pubHshed unto the people of Gotham and unto the people of all nations. 2. In the day when Phernandiwud declared the new gospel of peace in the hall of Peter Ver. 2. This land of Diksee seems not to have been separated from the rest of the land of Unculpsalm by any natural boundary; for the border of Masunandicsun is ad- mitted on all sides to have been a purely imaginary line. And yet bitter animosities were divided by this invisible (81) 82 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. the Barrelmaker, Robbutleeh, the chief cap- tain of the Tshivuh-ee, was in the land of Diksee (for so men call the land of Unculpsalm when thou goest south of the border of Masunan- dicsun), even in the province of Pharjinnee, which is the country of the Ephephvees. 3. Now the Ephephvees had been patriarchs from the beginning, and like them of old had bought their wives for a price. 4. For aforetime men of the land of jonbool, merchants who bought slaves in Ethiopia and carried them across the great sea and sold those of them that were left alive, had taken of their own women them which stole, and them which railed in the streets and upon the housetops, and, instead of putting them to death or into prison, they had sent them by ship-loads unto Pharjinnee, and sold them for wives unto the men of that land. And thus did the men of Jonbool rid their land of pestilent women and turn an honest penny, after their manner. 5 . So these women became wives and mothers unto many of the Ephephvees that they might live after the manner of the patriarchs. But boundary. Another proof that that which is imaginary is often more potent than that which is real. The Epheph- vees. — Tlie desperate straits of those who would maintain the modern and political origin of this book is apparent from the fact that they are driven to the supposition that there is some connection between this powerful tribe and the First Families of Virginia. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 83 there were some which bought not their wives ; but they bought their concubines. So they still lived after the manner of the patriarchs. 6. And because these concubines were Ethi- opian women, even Niggahs, and their ill-savor went up, it behoved the Ephephvees that the days of their purification should be accom- plished, to wit : six months with oil of myrrh and six months with sweet odors and other things for the purifying of women, even as it was unto Esther before she went in unto Ahas- uerus. But the Ephephvees tarried not for these things. 7. And when Phernandiwud declared the new gospel of peace, Robbutleeh marched northward with all his host into the land of the langkies ; and, as he marched, the new gospel prevailed more and more. 8. And there was great joy among the fol- lowers of Phernandiwud, and among all the faction of the Phlunkees, among the Dimmi- chrats, which were called Kopur-hedds." Ver. 6. The reason of the indifference of the Epheph- vees to this point of ritual observance, may, perhaps, be found in an opinion upon the subject which is very decid- edly expressed in a passage from a poet nearly contempo- rary with the author of this book, which has been thus versified, apparently by a sable Sternhold or Hopkins : — " Ye whyte gals buy dere scente, But ye bergamotte I skorne ; For ye niggahs hab ye swete smelle As soone as dey are borne." 84 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 9. For in the land of Unculpsalm there is an evil beast and a venomous, which crawleth upon his belly in the dust, and compromiseth himself humbly until there is good occasion, and then he stingeth unto death without warn- inof and in silence. And the name thereof is Kopur-hedd. 10. And Robbutleeh marched northward with a mighty army, even an army of an hun- dred thousand chosen men. And the Tshiv- ulree and the Phiretahs of the South boasted after their manner that the armies of Uncul- psalm could not withstand or hinder him, and that he would lay waste the country of the langkies, and minister the gospel of peace unto them in such manner as would delight the heart of Phernandiwud and of the Kopur- hedds, his followers. 1 1 . Moreover, they prophesied that he would break up their government and dissolve the bonds of their union, so that they would be no more a nation, but a gathering together of provinces at variance among themselves, each one doubting, fearing, and hating the other, and so the war would come to an end, and the gospel of peace prevail forever. 12. And the captains which were under Robbutleeh boasted mightily ; for they had Ver. 12. A city called after Hagar^ etc. Here we have another proof of the alicient and Eastern origin of this book. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 85 overcome one of the captains of Unculpsalm, and driven him out of the province of Phar- jinnee. So they were mightily puffed up. And when they entered the province which is called the land of Mary, and had taken a city called after Hagar, because she was the con- cubine of Abraham, and handmaid unto Sarah, his wife (for the land of Mary is a patriarchal land) , and the people of the city would have fled away, the captain of the Tshivulree said unto them, Flee not away in hope to return again when we are departed; for we have taken this city to dwell in it. So the people remained. 13. But Robbutleeh still marched northward with his host, leaving garrisons behind him in the cities which he took, until he entered the province of Tschaddbelhee, which, being in- terpreted, is the country of the Cooacres. 14. And he sent the chief captains which The people of the land of Marj would hardly have sought to defend their system by rendering this honor to Abra- ham's concubine, were it not that he and they were of kindred peoples, and living under the same forms of so- ciety. Ver. 13. Tschaddbelhee. This is another of the names in this book, the origin and meaning of which defy research. Those entirely untrustworthy commentators, Brown, Jones, and Robinson, would derive it from Tschadd, a kind of fish, and belhee, meaning the abdominal regions. But the well-grounded scholar will see that this is a puerile fancy. 8 86 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. were under him, each captain with his com- pany, northward toward the city in which dwelt the governor of the province of Tschadd- belhee, and eastward toward the chief city of the province, which is called Cooacre city. And the great merchants of the province of Tschaddbelhee dwelt in that city. 15. And Robbutleeh took the little cities upon the southern border of the province of Tschadd- belhee, and put a captain with his company in each of them ; and he threatened to take the city of the governor of the province of Tschadd- belhee and also the chief city of the merchants, even Cooacre city ; and his soldiers scoured the country and carried off corn and cattle and rai- ment, even much spoil. And great fear fell upon the men of Cooacre city and of Gotham, and upon all the people throughout the land of Unculpsalm, which is beyond Masunandicsun, because of Robbutleeh and his Tshivulree and his Phiretahs. 16. But the Kopur-hedds and the Dimmi- chrats of their faction feared not, but rejoiced in their hearts. For they said within them- selves. Now shall the armies of Abraham be scattered and his government be destroyed ; and we shall have a new government ; and the corner-stone thereof shall be the everlasting Niggah. And they gave Robbutleeh to know secretly that they rejoiced. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 87 17. Now in the province of Tshaddbelhee, in the middle country thereof, were many Tytch- men, even a great multitude. 18. For when the king of the land of Jon- bool, who himself was a Tytchman, and the son of a Tytchman, made war upon the men of Unculpsalm, he bought Tytchmen of their king, and sent them under his captains and under his officers to fight with the men of Un- culpsalm, even the langkies. 19. And when these had been well beaten by the langkies, of them that were left alive many remained in the land of Unculpsalm, in the province of Tschaddbelhee. For they saw that it was a rich land and a goodly, even a land in which they might get gelt, which, be- ing interpreted, is lucre. 20. And they sent letters to their friends and their kinsmen, saying to them. Come unto this land and live, for there is gelt here. And they came. 21. And these Tytchmen learned not for a long time the language of the langkies, nor Ver. 19. Many remained. The entire passage comprised in this and the two previous verses is very corrupt, and is probably an interpolation bj some later writer, who em- bodied in it a belief that prevailed in the land of Uncul- psalm many years after the occurrence of the events to which it refers. But no evidence has been discovered in support of this belief. Ver. 21. Jah Xiinn. Of this great ruler we know only his name, and a tradition that he was given to a profuse 88 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. followed they their customs, even for two gen- erations, but they spake their own language, and their scribes wrote in it, and they followed their own customs. And they lived slowly, so that whereas the langkies lived ten days in one r day, the Tytchmen did not live ten days in one year: And they learned only one thing of the langkies, to worship the great ruler Jah Xunn, and to beheve in him. And they delieved in him, and obeyed him, and gave their voices that he should be chief ruler of the land of Unculpsalm many years after he was gathered to his fathers ; and they do so even unto this day. 22. And hke Jeph, the chief ruler of the Tshivulree, they were repudiators ; and it was by their voice that the province of Tschaddbel- hee was numbered for a little time with the repudiators. For the Cooacres, though they do look after lucre, yet do they not repudiate. 23. And the Tytchmen did nothing and thought of nothing, night and day, but to get gelt ; and when they got it they put it into pots and into stockings and hid it away. And their cattle were better lodged than they. 24. And when Robbutleeh marched into the province of Tschaddbelhee, into their country, taking of oaths and generally swore " by the Eternal." Hence, probably, considering the signification of ^ah in languages of Chaldee origin, he received the first part of his name. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 89 the Tytchmen bowed themselves down before him, and compromised themselves unto him, and said, What will my lord that his servants shall do that he maybe gracious unto them? For they hoped to save their goods and their cattle, and to put more gelt into their pots and into their stockings ; but for the nation, and its honor, and its power, and the freedom of its people, and the justice of its counsels, cared they nothing. 25. And there was a certain man of lawrc, a little city, which was chief ruler thereof; and when he heard that one of the captains of the Tshivulree was drawing nigh unto his city, he mounted his horse and rode forth to find the captain, that he might be in haste to compro- mise unto him and to render him up the city. And he was of the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats. 26. And he rode many miles and wandered far into the open country, until the night was passed and the dawn appeared, but he found not the Phiretah captain. And he returned home sad and very sorrowful because he had not been able to compromise unto the Tshivul- ree, and give up his city. And when he came thither he found that the Phiretah captain had taken the city while he was away. 27. But Robbutleeh and his captains, though they were Tshivulree, thought scorn of the 90 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. chief man of lawrc and of the Tytchmen, and spat upon their compromising, and took their cities like conquerors. 28. And the captain which took the city of lawrc made a proclamation to the inhabitants, saying, 29. Men of lawrc, ye deserve that I should burn your city and cast you out, even ye and your wives and your little ones into the wilderness : because ye are of the accursed race of langkies, which, when the people of our cities have made war upon them and killed them, have destroyed the cities and driven out the people, even the Tshivulree, which is an abomination. 30. Behold, now, also how we of the Tshivul- ree are not like the langkies, in that we respect private property. I shall not take from you your property, I, nor my officers, nor my sol- diers. But ye shall bring unto me speedily one hundred thousand pieces of silver, and six hun- dred measures of fine flour, and thirty thousand measures of corn, and forty thousand pounds of the flesh of fat beeves, and one thousand changes of raiment, even of shoes and coats, and of nether garments which are unmention- able, and ye shall deliver the full tale thereof unto officers that I shall appoint, or I will lay waste your city and destroy it with lire. 31. And when the chief men of lawrc and the Tytchmen had read the proclamation their THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 9I hearts sank within them. But they confessed it not even among themselves, but said one to another, Behold, how pleasant and good and profitable a thing it is to compromise unto the Tshivulree. For if we had not compromised unto them they might not have respected our private property. But now we have only to bring unto them, speedily, silver, and fine flour, and corn, and flesh of beeves, and changes of raiment, with the nether garments which are unmentionable, or to have our city laid waste and burned over our heads. Let us, therefore, bring up the gelt, and the corn, and the cattle, and the unmentionable raiment, speedily. 32. And they did so. And in three days they brought money and meat and raiment, even to the sum of thirty thousand pieces of silver. And they could bring no more. So they compromised themselves yet more unto the Phiretah captain, and said unto him, For- give thy servants the residue. But he answered them, I will not forgive you the residue : see that ye pay the full tale thereof in twenty days, or I will destroy your city, which I have not yet done because we do respect private prop- erty. 33. And when these doings were noised abroad in Cooacre city and in Gotham, there was amazement and consternation, and chiefly 92 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. among the Kopur-hedds, many of which were rich and had great possessions. 34. For they said, Lo, the people of lawrc and the Tychtmen round about have compro- mised unto the Tshivulree, and the chief ruler of lawrc sought out the captain of the Phi- retahs diligently, that he might render him up the city; and yet they, who respect private property, have levied upon the people of lawrc a contribution which valueth three hundred thousand pieces of silver. 35. Behold, now, lawrc is a little city, and the people thereof are of small wealth and few possessions. What, therefore, must we give, even we who compromise ourselves, when Robbutleeh corneth unto our cities. In Cooa- cre city it will be twenty millions of pieces of sil- ver, and in Gotham it will be fifty millions, and peradventure, one hundred millions. We like not this manner of compromising ; for now we begin to see that it is all upon one side. (For this sort of men have their understandings in their pockets.) And there was great commo- tion. Ver. 35. The word here translated pocket means more properly purse. The Oriental people did not wear either breeches or pockets. But I preferred the rendering pockets because it conveys to modern and Western minds more forcibly the spirit of the passage. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 93 CHAPTER II. I. The Governor of the Province of Gotham seeketh to be Chief Ruler in the land of Uncul;psalm. 2. He is called Say-More and See-More. 9. The Cooacres. 12. The Tytchmeti avenge their fathers of the langkies. 18. Theytv ill get gelt and have Jah Xtmti for Chief Ruler. 21. The City of the Furnaces^ attd of Sivine-sin-naughty. 22. Which sinneth with the unclean beast. NOW, the governor of the province of Go- tham sought to be Chief Ruler of the land of Unculpsalm. 2. And of the Pahdees he was called Say- More, because he could say more and mean less than any other man in that country. But of the Kopur-hedds, which were not Pahdees, he was called See-More, because that there was no man who could see more ways of mak- ing trouble for other folk and getting out of it himself. 3. Wherefore, both among the Pahdees and the Kopur-hedds he was thought to be the fit- test man to rule the land of Unculpsalm in the place of Abraham the Honest. Ver. 3. Observe in the reason given for the choice of the Pahdees and the Kopur-hedds their singular obstinacy and 94 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 4. And when Robbutleeh marched into the province of Tschaddbelhee, Abraham sent mes- sages unto the governor of Gotham and unto the governor of Jahrzee, saying, The Phiretahs be upon you ! Arouse, and send men south- ward to meet them, ere they march upon your cities. 5. And the governor of Gotham then showed that he should be named See-More. For he said within himself, behold, if that cometh to pass for which I am looking, will it not be bet- ter that the soldiers of Gotham be southward in the province of Tschaddbelhee, and in the prov- ince which is called the land of Mary. 6. For Robbutleeh will surely be victorious, and then shall the city of Gotham and the prov- ince of Gotham be without defence against him, and the end shall come the more quickly, and the gospel of peace shall prevail, and the bonds of this nation shall be dissolved, and I shall be a satrap in my province ; and so likewise shall the other governors be in their provinces, and we shall make a league together not like unto the Great Covenant, but like unto the league which was before the Great Covenant, and the corner-stone thereof shall be the everlastincr Niggah. For it is better that this nation should perversity. Another proof that this book can have no reference to any people living in this country and in this age of enlightenment. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 95 be destroyed than that the slaves should go free, and the everlasting Niggah cease from off the land. 7. Wherefore he sent southward speedily all the soldiers of Gotham and the country round about, even twenty thousand men. And they marched into the province of Tschaddbelhee, into the southern and middle parts thereof. 8. And the men of this country, even the Tytchmen, had fled, some of them from before the Tshivulree, and others had remained and compromised unto them ; but there were none which remained and defied them and took up arms against them. 9. But such were not all the men of the land of the Cooacres. For they had sent forth many mighty men to the war, footmen and horsemen, which had fought valiantly for Unculpsalm ; and a part of the army of Unculpsalm which had gotten great renown had come out of the province of Tschaddbelhee, and was called af- ter the name of that province. 10. Likewise also did the Cooacres furnish many men, even a great multitude, unto an- Ver. 9. As the Puritans were in the habit of applying passages in the Hebrew scriptures to themselves, so certain persons of the present day apply this passage to the troops called the Pennsylvania Reserves. And it must be con- fessed that the likeness in the latter case is quite as great as in the former. 96 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. other army in the service of Unculpsalm ; even the noble army of Counter actors, which did continually praise Abraham. 11. And when the soldiers of Gotham came into the province of Tschaddbelhee, nigh unto the places where the hosts of Robbutleeh were, they looked to be received with favor and with thankfulness by the men of that country. 12. But the Tytchmen said, Now can we do like men of the land of Jonbool for whom our fathers came to fight. We can avenge our fathers of these langkies for the defeat our fathers suffered from their fathers ; for we can spoil them and get gelt. And so shall we do like unto the men of Jonbool, when they avenge themselves against the langkies, and turn also every man an honest penny. 13. For these langkies come hither from Gotham in great multitudes, and they will need food and lodging. Wherefore they are at our mercy, and we will make them pay fourfold for all that they require of us. And they did so. 14. And the men of Gotham were aston- ished, and said. Is it thus that ye do unto them Ver. io- What was this noble army of Counteractors ? We have heard of the noble army of martyrs ; but to that these Counteractors did not belong. For although by their own account many of them were compelled to make sacrifices, there is no instance on record of one of them offering to sacrifice himself fdr his country or his principles. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 97 which come to protect you against the Phi- retahs ? 15 . And they answered and said, Yea, verily. For if ye come to protect us against the Phi- retahs, how shall we be protected unless we get from you the gelt which the Phiretahs have taken away from us? 16. Go to, then : for a loaf of bread ye shall pay thirty pennies, and for an egg ye shall pay six pennies, and for a cup of water three pennies ; and so on in like manner for all that ye shall require of us. 17. And if ye be foolish and will not com- promise unto the Phiretahs, and entreat them humbly, but will go into battle against them, and any of you be wounded, as ye shall de- serve, behold, we will bind up your wounds and pour in oil and wine, like unto the Samar- itan of old ; and for the bandage ye shall pay a piece of silver, and for the oil three pieces of silver, and for the wine five pieces of silver, even of the pieces which are almighty and which we worship. And for your lodging while ye are sick, ye shall pay in like manner. 18. And for the Tshivulree and the Phi- retahs against whom ye come, ye are no more welcome than they. We care nothing for your quarrel. Get you gone, both of you, and leave us to our farms and our merchandise, that we get gelt and put it into pots and into stockings. gS THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. Let US alone, and give us Jah Xunn for chief ruler. 19. Thus did the Tytchmen of the province of Tschaddbelhee. But in the land of Uncul- psalm were other Tytchmen which did not so, but fought valiantly against the Phiretahs. Likewise also came Tytchmen among the soldiers of Gotham ; and their cheeks burned with shame and with anger because of the doings of their brethren in the land of the Cooacres ; and they reviled them in their own tongue. 20. And the men of the provmce of Tschadd- belhee, which were Cooacres, and which were of the blood of the langkies, did not thus, but made ready to do battle with the Phiretahs, and cast up mounds around their cities, and set thereon engines of war, which sent forth fire and smoke and iron. 21. Thus did the men of the city of the fur- naces, which, lieth on the north side of the river of Strong Waters, which is at the begin- ning of the great river of the debtors, even the Oh-I-owe, which is the way to the country of the Repu lators, by which thou descendest unto the city of Swine-sin-naughty. Ver. 21. T/ie city of the Furnaces. This is merely a trans- lation of the name in the original. The town seems to have been a place somewhat like Sheffield, in England, or like our own Pittsburg, on the Monongahela. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 99 22. For that city was entirely given up to sinning with the unclean beast. So that the people did nothing else, night and day, but slay and eat the abominable creature, and make ready for others to eat thereof. Wherefore when they of the circumcision, like unto Au- gustus the money-changer, passed through that city, the}^ washed themselves, and were unclean until the evening. And it is called the city of Swine-sin-naughty unto this day. 23. And the chief ruler of lawrc and the Tytchmen of Tschaddbelhee, were held in scorn, and the men of the city of the furnaces, and they which did like unto them were held in honor throughout the land of Unculpsalm. Ver. 22. The city of S-ivine-sin-naughty. This name, like that of Phernandiwud, is an impassable stumbling- block in the way of those who deny the authenticitj^ and the antiquity of this book, and attribute it to one or more writers of this day and country. For what city is there in America which deserves the reproach cast upon it in this name ; or what river that may be justly slurred by the name given to that upon which the city in question stood? 100 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE, CHAPTER III. I. Rohbuileeh still marchetJi northivard. 5. George the Mede. 7. The land trembleth. 8. But the Kopur-hedds rejoice. 16. George the Mede maketh a Proclamation. 20. A battle begi7ineth at Gettiugsburg. 23. The battle continueth o?i the second day. 25. The Phirctahs are astonished. 26. The battle bcgiimeth on the third day. 27. Hew-hell, a PhiretahCa^tain, blasfhemeth. 31. Rob- butleeh rcnexveth the battle. 33. But the Army of Un- culpsalm is victorioics. 38. And Robbutleeh Jleeth back into Pharjinnee. NOW, when Robbutleeh marched north- ward into the province which is called the land of Mary, Joseph of Kalaphorni, whom Robbutleeh had driven out of the Wilderness of Pharjinnee, was yet chief captain of the army of Unculpsalm, which aforetime had been led by Litulmak the unready, and by John the boaster, and by Ambrose the faith- ful. 2. And this army was an army of chosen men, and valiant, which had borne the heat and burden of the war, and which had been thrice turned back with great slaughter, but could not be conquered, no, not even by ca- lamity. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. lOI 3. And Joseph of Kalaphorni was a valiant man, and a trusty. And when Robbutleeh marched northward, Joseph marched after him to give him battle. 4. But, so it was that Joseph saw that Abra- ham's counsellors of war distrusted him, because that he had been driven out of the Wilderness of Pharjinnee, and that they worked not with him to obtain the victory. And he said, What am I, that my honor and my glory should peril the land of Unculpsalm? Let another be made chief captain in my place ; and let me be a sol- dier in the armies of my country. 5. And Abraham and his counsellors made George the Mede chief captain in the place of Joseph. 6. Now George the Mede was of the city of the Cooacres. And he was a meek man, and had been for a long time a captain in the armies of Unculpsalm, serving faithfully and eschewing flatterers. And the people of Un- culpsalm, save his own soldiers, the Cooacres of the province of Tschaddbelhee, knew not his name. 7. Wherefore the land was astonished, and trembled when it saw that he was set up against Robbutleeh, who had discomfited Lit- ulmak, and John the boaster, and Ambrose the faithful, and Joseph of Kalaphorni. 8. But the Kopur-hedds rejoiced in their I02 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. hearts, and said within themseh^es, Now shall the armies of Abraham be utterly put to rout by Robbutleeh, and the people will say, Abra- ham is unfit to rule over us. 9. And the scribes of the Kopur-hedds wrote in the books which they sent out da}^ by day, such things as would prepare the people for the defeat of George the Mede, and the destruction of the government of Unculpsalm. 10. And George the Mede said. Who am I, that this great office should be laid upon me ? But he halted not, neither doubted, but marched straight forward by swift marches upon Rob- butleeh. 11. And when Robbutleeh heard that the army of the langkies was marching against him (for so the Tshivulree called all the men of Unculpsalm who did not buy and sell the Niggah, and get their bread by the sweat of his face), and that George the Mede was its chief captain, 12. He said. What be these langkies, that they dare to withstand their masters? and who is this Mede, that he cometh with a thrice de- feated army between me and my great purpose ? Behold, I will scatter him and his host to the four winds of heaven, and give their flesh to the fowls of the air and the beasts of the field, and they shall perish from off the earth, and THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I03 the land of Unculpsalm shall be purged of the langkies and their rule forever. 13. Likewise also said the other captains of his host ; for such had been the manner of the Tshivulree from the beginning. 14. And Robbutleeh called his army together from the cities of Tshaddbelhee round about, a mighty host, to fall upon George the Mede suddenly, and destroy him. For the host of Unculpsalm was scattered, and weary by rea- son of its long marching ; and Robbutleeh said, I shall fall upon it piecemeal, and grind it to powder. 15. And George the Mede saw that the bat- tle drew nigh, and that the host of the Phiretahs was greater than the army of Unculpsalm, and that those were rested, and well fed and high- hearted, because they had come together by short marches, and that they were puffed up with conceit of the might of their valor ; and that these were weary and worn with the length of the way and with watching, and that they remembered how they had three times turned back before the sword of Robbutleeh. 16. So he made a proclamation to all the captains of his host, even the captains of hun- dreds and the captains of fifties, saying, 17. Speak unto the men, and say unto them, The hour of deliverance or captivity is at hand. Choose ye, therefore, whether this nation shall I04 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. be destroyed, or whether it shall be saved by the might of your arms and the stoutness of your courage. Choose ye, whether ye will live or die for this land in honor, or die before your people in dishonor. For as I live, he that turn- eth his back this day, shall be slain by them of his own company. Behold, the hearts of all this people are stayed upon you, and ye fight each one of you for a thousand, for your fath- ers, and your brethren, and your wives, and your little ones. Be valiant, therefore, as ye have before been valiant, and ye shall be wor- thy of the victory. 1 8. But George the Mede promised them not the victory, neither boasted he of what he would accomplish. 19. And so it was, that as the men marched swiftly through the darkness before the dawn, they communed together with low voices in their ranks, and said one to another. Let us die together this day, my brother, but let us not turn back. And afterward they were silent, and their hearts went homeward, and they said within themselves, God help us, and this people. 20. And it came to pass, that as the van- guard of the army of George the Mede pressed forward, and got far before the main body, the host of the Phiretahs fell upon it in great num- bers, and drove it back, and its captain was THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. IO5 slain. But it fled not, but went backward fighting, so that the Phiretahs left pursuing. And they pitched a camp, and fortified it in the burial-ground of a city called Gettings- burg. 21. For in the language of that land burg meaneth a city ; and the men of this city were altogether occupied in getting, even in getting gelt, so that for the honor and the glory and the freedom of the land of Unculpsalm cared they nothing. Wherefore their city was called Gettingsburg. 22. Yet was there one man of Gettingsburg, a poor man, who took his weapons and went out to fight the Phiretahs. 23. And on the morrow, Robbutleeh set his army in battle array to attack the army of George the Mede before it was well brought together. And about the fourth hour of the evening he came down upon the men of Uncul- psalm with all his host, and fell furiously upon them, and there was great slaughter. And the men of Unculpsalm were outnumbered ; yet Ver. 22. As there was one just man in Sodom, so there appears to have been one brave and faithful in Gettings- burg. And so in our ow^n daj, when General Lee suffered his defeat in Pennsylvania, there was one humble man, who lived in the town near which the battle took place, who fought for his country and his flag. His name was John Burns. But our author has not given the name of him who fought at the battle which he describes. I06 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. fought they valiantly, and slew of their enemies more than there fell of themselves. And they went a little backward fighting, and the Phi- retahs followed hard after. 24. Then came up succor, even a great company of the army of George the Mede, which had been marching all the night, and which now moved swiftly toward the noise of the battle. And they came up running, and went into the fight without halting. Then the men of Unculpsalm stood fast again, and drove the Phiretahs backward. And this was about the going down of the sun. 25. And the Phiretahs and the captains of the Tshivulree wondered, and said among themselves. Who is this George the Mede, that he thus withstandeth the great Robbutleeh? and what men be these that do battle under him? Is this the host that was to flee like sheep before us ? Yet they were not dismayed ; for although they were boasters, yet were they valiant. And they looked anxiously for the morrow. 26. And early in the morning, while it was yet dawning, the host of the Phiretahs was set in battle array and marched quickly upon the host of Unculpsalm, even upon one wing thereof. For they said. So shall we crush them unawares. But the men of Unculpsalm fell back a little, fighting, and George the THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. lO'J Mede sent them succor, and again they stood fast, and drove the Phiretahs before them with great slaughter. 27. Then were the captains of the Phiretahs perplexed in their souls, and waxed very wroth. And one of them, a man of blood who was possessed of the evil spirit Blustah, and which was called of the men of Jonbool Hew- hell, took an oath in the name of his god, and blasphemed after the manner of the Phiretahs, and swore that he would break through the ranks of the men of Unculpsalm that day. 28. And Robbutleeh sent unto George the Mede, saying. Let there be peace between us for a time, that I may bury my dead and that we may restore to each other our prison- ers. 29. And George the Mede sent back the messenger, saying. There cannot be peace be- tween thee and me. For thy dead, I will bury them even as my own, and my men whom thou hast taken I mean to take from thee again. For he saw the craft of Robbutleeh, that he would have given up the battle and escaped, even as he had done aforetime with Litul- mak. 30. Then was Robbutleeh astonished at the subtlety and at the boldness of George the Mede, and he addressed his army again to battle, for he saw that his case was desperate. I08 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. And he set all his men in array with their ban- ners, and marched them forward with pomp and great majesty, even as on a feast-day. In two ranks they marched, so that the second might finish the work which the first begun. For still they were confident and high-hearted. 31. And they went forward in order, terrible and beautiful, shouting as they went. But the men of Unculpsalm answered them not ; for the footmen all lay flat upon the ground, and the horsemen and they that worked the great engines of fire held their peace craftily. 32. And when the first ranks of the Phi- retahs came near, the men of Unculpsalm rose and fell upon them ; and the two fought to- gether, but neither prevailed. Yet fell there more of the men of Unculpsalm, for they were outnumbered, and the Phiretahs were valiant and had waxed desperate. 33. Then came on the second ranks of the Phiretahs, running fiercely upon the remnant of the men of Unculpsalm, who fell where they stood in their ranks or went backward fighting. But so it was that when the Phiretahs looked to fall upon the men of Unculpsalm and put them all to the sword, the engines of George the Mede poured out fire upon them, and out of the fire came thunderings and bolts of iron that swept away the foremost of their second array, and of the residue some fled backward, and THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. IO9 some threw themselves down upon the ground and gave themselves prisoners. For they saw that they could not pass into that fire and live. And they said one to another, Behold, we be all dead men. And again this was about the going down of the sun. 34. And all the night George the Mede made ready to pursue the Phiretahs in the morning. 35. But when Robbutleeh looked upon the field he saw that the day was lost, and that if he tarried until the morning he would be de- stroyed and cut off. So he gathered his army together and fled in the night (for he was a wary man and a prudent) ; and in the morning the men of Unculpsalm found that their enemies had vanished away from before them. 36. Then they pursued the host of the Phi- retahs, but they could not come up with them ; for those had the start of these, and both alike were weary and suflfering from the battle. 37. So the Phiretah captain who was called of the men of Jonbool Hew-hell, brake not through the ranks of the men of Unculpsalm, in spite of his oaths and his blasphemies, nor did he wait to receive from the men of lawrc the rest of the money and the corn and the unmentionable raiment, neither did he sojourn in the city which is called after the name of Hagar, the concubine of Abraham, but gat him out of it speedily. And George the Mede 10 no THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. and the men of Unculpsalm pursued after him. And this was the end of his oaths and of his boasting and of his respecting of private prop- erty. 38. So Robbutleeh fled back again into the land of Pharjinnee. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. Ill CHAPTER IV. I. The victory is noised abroad. 2. The Kopur-hedds are dismayed. 7. See - More becometh Seemer. 9. The Koj)ur-hedds take coujisel in their extremity. 10. Assohkald Eddittah. 11. Phernandixvud cofueth not to the Assembly. 27. A day of fasting and grayer. 28. Which pleaseth 7iot Hiram the publican. 29. The king" of the Pahlivoos. 36. The Knsuvviitivs. 40. Knsuvvu- tiv rezzleooshns. 46. Benjamiji froposeth to sell Assoh- kald Eddittah. 52. The assembly cometh to naught. 54. Ulysses taketh Wickcdsburg. Nathaniel taketh an- other city. 71. Wherefore Phernandiiviid profoseth a new ministratioti of the Gospel of Peace. AND on the next day, which was the fourth day of the seventh month, which was held as a solemn festival in memory of the de- liverance of the land of Unculpsalm from the king of the land of Jonbool, this was noised throughout all the land of Unculpsalm. Ver. I. That great scholar and statist. Dr. Hobvius Trite, at the close of a note of remarkable profundity and length, which he kindly addressed to me, remarks that " from the reasons thus briefly indicated it may safely be surmised that the festival here mentioned fell upon the fourth day of July ; " but whether the old style or the new my learned cor- respondent does not say. To dispute with Dr. Trite is dangerous ; and I shall not question the correctness of his ingenious conjecture. 112 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 2. And the Kopur-hedds were astonished and dismayed ; but all the rest of the men of Unculpsalm, even of the Dimmichrats, rejoiced greatly. For they said, Behold the end of this war beginneth to appear ; and now we see hope that this nation shall not be destroyed and brought to naught. 3. Likewise were all they of the merchants of Gotham and of Coo acre city, and of the new Athens, which cared not more for their gain than for the freedom and honor of their nation, exceeding glad, and the noble army of Counteractors in the province of Tschaddbel- hee, which did continually praise Abraham, were triumphant, and the people of the city of Swine-sin-naughty gave themselves yet more unto the slaying and eating of the unclean beast, and making ready for the armies of Un- culpsalm to eat, until their faces shone and their eyes stood out with fatness. 4. And Augustus the mone3^-changer and all they of the circumcision v/hich were of his fac- tion were wroth and said. Behold the abomina- tion which follbweth the victories of the armies of Unculpsalm. 5. And likewise on that day the Kopur-hedds and certain other of the Dimmichrats were gathered together in the great hall of the men- singers and women-singers of Gotham, which sang unto the Gothamites music that they com- THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. II3 prehended not, in a language that they under- stood not, that the governor of the province might make a speech unto them. 6. And he spake unto them, and said many things, which indeed were one thing in many shapes, to wit, that Abraham and his counsel- lors were tyrants, that Clement and the others of his sort whom the officers of Abraham had taken in custody were martyrs, that the Phi- retahs should be compromised unto, and that the land was the inheritance of the Dimmichrats. But he condemned not them who set at naught the Great Covenant by making war upon the rulers of the land, neither stirred he up any man to strive for the honor and the glory and the freedom of the land, nor spake he one word of cheer or of thankfulness for the victory of George the Mede which filled the land with joy on that great day of the nation. 7. And from that day, because of his speech, and because he yet made great pretence of love unto the land of Unculpsalm, they that were not Kopur-hedds or Pahdees called him not See-More or Say-More, but Seemer. For they said, He would seem to be that which he is not. 8. Likewise also did Phernandiwud, and Benjamin the Scribe, and all the straitest of the sect of the new gospel of peace. For they said, He speaketh with us, yet he striveth also 10* 114 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. for the friendship of them who prefer war and the nation to peace and the everlasting Niggah. Behold, he is a seemer and not a doer. Where- fore his name thereafter became Seemer. 9. And soon after the chief men of the Kopur-hedds met together in Gotham to see what they should do ; for they were in great extremity. And they came sorrowfully and with their countenances cast down, a.11 of them. And they that were of this assembly were only they that had embraced the new gospel of peace. 10. And they suffered among them Assohkald Eddittah the scribe, who, to gain the World, had lost his own soul. 11. Now they suffered him to come among them because they had bought him to use him as they would, to publish their doctrine to the people of Gotham. For aforetime he had sought to make himself serviceable unto Abra- ham and his counsellors, but they regarded him not. 1 2 . Wherefore he said unto the Kopur-hedds, Buy me, and I will serve you. And they bought him. 13. And Augustus the money-changer lent the money wherewithal to buy him. For he said. Mayhap the gospel of peace shall prevail Ver. 10. Assohkald Eddittah. See note B at the end of this book. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. II5 throughout the land ; and then may Assohkald Eddittah change his name, even as I have done, Hke unto my forefathers, and become Areel Eddittah. Then shall I own Areel Eddittah ; and he shall write that which shall make a market for my moneys, and I shall receive mine own with usury. Thus was it that the chief men of the Kopur-hedds suffered Assoh- kald Eddittah among them. 14. But Phernandiwud came not into this assembly. 15. For there was variance between Pher- nandiwud and the men of Tahmunee, and be- tween Phernandiwud and some of the chief men of the Kopur-hedds. Because Phernan- diwud had claimed for the men of his following the chief offices in the city of Gotham and in the province of Gotham. 16. And many had been given unto them, but he claimed yet the more. And of them that received the places many got only a part of the wages thereof. And when it was brought before the judges no man could tell what was become of the residue. 17. But the men of Tahmunee said, Perad- venture Phernandiwud, he knoweth ; for his walk is slantindicular. And when they said peradventure, they thrust the tongue into the cheek and pointed with the thumb over the left shoulder. For such is the manner of the men of Tahmunee. Il6 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. i8. Wherefore Phernandiwud came not into this assembly. Yet he was not cast down but rejoiced in secret ; for he said, Behold, there are but two ways in this matter ; and the way of Abraham is one way, and my way is another. For he was a crafty man, and wise in his gen- eration. 19. And when the chief men of the Kopur- hedds saw that they were all assembled, they shut to the door and sat down to take counsel together. 20. And each man tin-ned to his neighbor and looked that he should have spoken. But no man spake ; for their hearts were troubled and they were sorely perplexed. And silence fell upon them. 2 1 . But after a long time the chief man among them arose and said. My brethren, our case is very desperate. Had the Lord pleased to de- feat the army of George the Mede, we were prepared therefor, and could have meekly borne that dispensation. 22. In defeat we could have found some com- fort; but what can we do with victory? And he sat down. 23. Then each man turned to his neighbor and said. What can we do with victory? But no man answered. And again great silence fell upon them ; and they looked vainly each in the face of the other. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. II7 24. Then arose a scribe whose surname was Primus (not he whose beard was Hke Aaron's, and who dwelt among the merchants), and he opened his mouth and said, 25. For the wickedness and the iniquity of this people we do suffer victory this day, in that they have listened unto the ministers of Beelze- bub, who preached deliverance to the captive, and have declared that no more of the land of Unculpsalm shall be blessed with slaves, and in the perversity of their hearts and the wicked- ness of their imaginations have sought to take away the everlasting Niggah. 26. Yea, verily, and have gone after strange gods, honoring Charles the Summoner rather than Prestenbruux, and Philip of Athens rather than Isaiah the Hittite, who is a man of peace and who loveth free speech ; and moreover have fought foolishly that their nation might not be destroyed, as it deserved to be for all their transgressions. 27. Wherefore let there be a day appointed of fasting, of humiliation, and of prayer, to make atonement for the sins of this people, and peradventure it shall be that their iniquity shall be forgiven, and that there shall no more griev- ous victories afflict the land. 28. And again there was silence for a little while, and then there was heard a voice (and it was the voice of Hiram the publican) , saying, Il8 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. Let not the people fast, for it is unprofitable. Let there be humiliation and prayer ; for after humiliation men need wine to make their hearts glad again ; and he that prayeth thirsteth. But fasting is an oppression unto me, and moreover we shall offend them that sell meat in Gotham, and the people of Swine-sin-naughty, so that they shall turn away from Jeph and serve Abra- ham. So they consented not to this counsel. 29. Then arose another, who said. Can we not entreat the king of the Pahlivoos, Nah Pohlion, whom all the world feareth, to help us, even as he hath helped the people of Mec- sichoh ? For he hath sent an army into Mecsi- choh, and he hath overcome the people of Mecsichoh, and hath driven out the rulers whom they had chosen, and put to the sword all them that resisted him, and unto them that submitted to him and compromised themselves unto him he hath been gracious and hath given them offices. 30. Might we not then compromise ourselves unto him, and win him to enter our land with an army ? and then might he join himself unto our friends the Phiretahs, and be victorious over the armies of Unculpsalm, and drive out the rulers which the men of Unculpsalm have chosen, even Abraham and his counsellors, and be gracious unto us, and give offices unto us, as it hath been in Mecsichoh, and so should we attain unto our hearts' desire. I THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. II9 31. But Elijah, who smelleth the battle afar off in the tents of Tahmunee, answered and said, Thou speakest even as a fool speaketh. This people feareth not the king of the Pahli- voos ; for the men of the land of Unculpsalm are not as the men of Mecsichoh. 32. Moreover, they know that he is the nephew of his uncle, and that he hath sworn to do in all things even as his uncle. And did not his uncle bone a part of every land wherein he entered? Think ye that this people will suffer the king of the Pahlivoos to do this thing? 33. (Now to bone, being interpreted, is to rob, and to rob land is the speech of the men of Jonbool, to colonize, and in the speech of the men of Unculpsalm, though they be the same tongue, to annex.) 34. And Elijah spake thus ; for because that he was not a Kopur-hedd. Yet they admitted him to their council ; for he was a great man among the Dimmichrats, and they feared him. 35. Moreover they remembered the wrath of the people against them when they went privily unto the ambassador of the land of Jon- bool that he might help them to bring about the ceasing of the war without the putting down of the rebellion. And they said, Alas ! this may not be, and we cannot ask the kin^- of the Pahlivoos to help our friends the Phiretahs with I20 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. an army. For this people is a stiff-necked people, and daily more and more it is given over unto the accursed spirit Bak Bohn, so that it will not suffer the kings of other nations to help us. And our scribes must no more praise the doings of the king of the Pahlivoos in Mecsichoh, as they have done thus far, or wc shall destroy our faction. 36. Then arose another which was a chief man among the sect which called themselves Knsuvvutivs. 37. Now the Knsuvvutivs were they, which, when they had got into hot water, stayed there that they might not be scalded. 38. And there have been Knsuvvutivs from the beginning of the world, yea, though they have all been scalded ; and there shall be for- ever ; and they will remain in hot water and suffer no man to pluck them out thereof. 39. And this Knsuvvutiv opened his mouth and said, It is because this war is not waged according to the doctrine of the Knsuvvutivs that we are afflicted with this grievous victory this day, and because Abraham and his counsel- lors and the men of their inclining do contin- ually struggle and strive to get out of hot water when they ought to remain quietly therein. 40. Now, therefore, let there be rezzleooshns issued accordino- unto the doctrine of the Knsuvvutivs, THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 121 41. (For it was the custom of the men of Unculpsalm, when they were not sure that that which they desired was so, to declare solemnly that it was so ; and this they called a rezzleoo- shn.) 42. And let the rezzleooshns be two. And let the first rezzleooshn be, That this people is a Knsuvvutiv people, and that the Knsuvvutivs are in favor of the war. 43. And let the second rezzleooshn be, That the Knsuvvutivs are opposed to all means of carrying on the war. 44. So shall the doctrine of the Knsuvvutivs prevail ; and the war shall be conducted ac- cording to the doctrine of the Knsuvvutivs, and we shall remain in our hot water, and no more grievous victories shall afflict the land. 45 . And this counsel was well pleasing unto the assembly ; which, being immediately filled with the spirit of Knsuvvutism, sat still and did nothing. 46. But Benjamin the scribe, the brother of Phernandiwud, felt that he was in hot water, he and his faction ; and he was not yet suffi- ciently a Knsuvvutiv to remain therein. So he opened his mouth and said, 47. Behold, this nation is in great peril of salvation, and the case is desperate, and some- thing must be done. Let us therefore sell Assohkald Eddittah unto Abraham the honest 11 122 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. and to his counsellors, and let him serve them and George the Mede, even as he hath served Jeph the Repudiator and Robbutleeh, and may- hap this sore calamity may be averted. 48. And when Assohkald Eddittah heard that there was question of somebody buying him, he arose quickly and said, Yea, verily, let Abraham and his counsellors buy thy ser- vant; for the case of this nation and of thy servant is desperate. Yet Augustus the money- changer, and Hiram the publican, and Samuel, whose surname is Brinnzmayd, must be content to lose thereby. For because that his case is desperate thy servant will sell himself cheap, yea, even cheaper than he did aforetime. 49. Then Benjamin the scribe was wroth, and arose and said. How is this that thou wilt sell thyself cheaper? Didst thou not sell thy soul for promise of the World? Could less have been given or less have been received? (For he was a just man and a holy, and es- chewed the World, the Flesh, and the Devil.) Ver. 49. The World, the Flesh, and the Devil. This lan- guage is plainly figurative, and was applied by the people of Gotham to three eminent scribes of that city, or to their works. As to the application of the first and the last, there appears to be no ground of dispute. The first was Asso- kald Edditah, the last Ben Hit who is afterward mentioned. But there appears to have been some doubt whether the second meant Horatius or Ennerhee whose surname was Ramchund, THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 23 Go to, now ; have I not bought thee and sold thee, and do I not know thy value and thy price ? 50. Then was Assohkald Eddittah cast down, and shrank within himself. But Samuel, whose surname was Brinnzmayd (it was he who min- istered unto the Phiretah woman and showed her the nakedness of the land), took com- passion on him, and went to him, and said unto him : Be comforted : Thou canst not be sold again, for Abraham will not buy thee, neither will his counsellors, nor George the Mede. But thou shalt still be Assohkald Eddit- tah, and mayhap thou mayest become Areel Eddittah ; and thou shalt have thy wages. 51. And when he heard that he should have his wages he was comforted, and he thought that the calamity had passed away from the nation. But after that no man regarded him. 52. And it came to pass that after this assembly had continued a long while, and the Kopur-hedds had taken much counsel together, they came to no conclusion ; for their devices slipped from them even as water slippeth psalm. At this distant period of time it is impossible, and perhaps not important, to decide this question. Brown and Jones, however, incline to the latter supposition, Rob- inson to the former. The learned Dr. Trite, at the end of a long note, reaches the conclusion that if it was not one or the other it could not have been either. 124 '^^^ NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. through the fingers of him that dippeth it with his hand ; and they were in sore perplexity. And they dissolved the assembly until another day, when they hoped that wisdom might show herself among them. 53. And when Phernandiwud heard thereof he rejoiced secretly ; for he said, Behold, there are but two ways in this matter ; and the way of Abraham the honest is one way, and the way of Phernandiwud, who walketh slantindic- ularly, is the other way. And he knew that in the end they must admit him to their councils. 54. Now, at the time when Phernandiwud declared the new gospel of peace unto the men of Gotham, one of Abraham's chief captains, whose name was Ulysses, but whom his soldiers had called Unculpsalm, because of the great service he had done unto that land, had sat down before a city in the south, and was laying siege to it. Ver. 54. 0)ie of Abraham^ s chief captains, tvhose name was Ulysses. Thus modestly is introduced the great soldier who, as the narrative pursues its course, rises into the fi*-st importance and becomes the man who brings to an end the great war in the land of Unculpsalm. It must be confessed that at the first blush the occurrence of this name seems to give some support to the theory before mentioned, that this book is a modern fabrication, having reference to the events of the late civil war in the United States, the most distin- guished General in which was Ulysses Grant. But the support topples at the first touch of criticism. Those who rest much upon it have plainly forgotten that one of the THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 25 55. And the name of the city was Wickeds- burg ; for the people thereof were men of blood, and they passed their time in casting lots with dice for gold, and in boasting for gold on pieces of paper spotted with many colors, and in dis- embowelling each other with knives, and in slaying each other with shooting-irons. 56. And this city stood upon the great river of the land of Unculpsalm, which is called the Father of the Waters, so that ships could not go up or down that river unless they that dwelt in Wickedsburg suffered them. 57. And Ulysses, which was called Uncul- psalm, had defeated the armies of the Phiretahs which withstood his march to Wickedsburg, and had scattered them abroad, so that he marched up against the town, and he laid great siege thereto. 58. And the Phiretahs boasted that the city could not be taken, after their manner; and Ulysses took it, without boasting, after his manner. And this was also upon the fourth day of the seventh month, which was the solemn festival of the land of Unculpsalm. most distinguished leaders of the Greeks, in the Trojan war, was named Ulysses. And will it be argued that there- fore this book has for its theme the same story as that of the Iliad? — a much inferior composition, although it has attained some reputation. Here is an argument that can- not be controverted. The efforts of the various critics are very feeble upon this point. 11* 126 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 59. And it came to pass, that on the day be- fore that on which the Kopur-hedds had appointed for the assembhng of themselves together again, news was brought to Gotham that Ulysses, who was surnamed Unculpsalm, had taken the city of Wickedsburg, and that the host of the Phiretahs therein, with their arms, and their engines of war, and all their spoil, had fallen into his hands. 60. And again there was great rejoicing throughout all the land of Unculpsalm, save in the land of the Phiretahs, so that even the Kopur-hedds rejoiced with their lips, because they feaired the people ; but in their hearts they were cast down and exceeding sorrowful. 61. And when the chief men of the Kopur- hedds assembled themselves together to take counsel as they had appointed, so it was that their lips were sealed again, and they sat si- lently looking upon each other ; for they were in great extremity, and were at their wits' end. And after a time they arose and went out one after another, saying nothing. 62. And they appointed yet another day for their assembling. For they said, Peradventure some disaster may yet be vouchsafed unto us. 62 . But it came to pass that before the day of this third assembling was come, another of the chief captains of Abraham, whose name was Nathaniel, had taken another city, which THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 27 was upon the Father of the Waters, even the city which is called after the great river Hut- zoon. And this was the last city which was held by the Phiretahs on the banks of the Father of the Waters ; so that after they were driven out therefrom the ships of the men of Unculpsalm, even their ships of merchandise, and their ships of war, could go up and down that river through the whole length of the land of Unculpsalm. 64. And the news thereof came quickly unto the city of Gotham ; and when the chief men of the Kopur-hedds assembled themselves to- gether for the third time, they came as men having no hope. 65. And again they sat each man looking in the face of his neighbor, and they said noth- ing. 66. Then after they had sat a long while, suddenly there appeared among them Pher- nandiwud, who was not bidden unto their as- sembly. And they were astonished. 67. And Phernandiwud said unto them. Why sit ye here silent, doing nothing ? 68. And looking up they could answer him but one word, 69. Knsuvvutiv. 70. Then said Phernandiwud, Give Knsuv- vutism unto Beelzebub. Ye cannot serve two masters (for he had searched the Scriptures 128 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. and found therein something more to his ad- vantage) ; ye cannot be for the war and against the means of carrying on the war. Ye cannot serve Jeph and Abraham. 71. Go to, then: there needeth now a new ministration of the gospel of peace, and it shall not be wanting ; even such a ministration as there hath not been before this day ; a minis- tration unto which the ministrations of Presten- bruux unto Charles the Summoner, and of Isaiah the Hittite unto Philip of Athens, and my ministration unto the watchmen which be now the watchmen of Ken Edee, were as nothing ; even as Knsuvvutism. Go to. Do not the Pahdees govern Gotham ? 72. And he turned and left the assembly. And they wist well what he meant, and they rejoiced in their hearts ; but they said, We wash our hands of this matter. 73. Now even so did Pilate likewise wash his hands of that other matter. 74. For he also was a Knsuvvutiv. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 29 CHAPTER V. 1. How Seemeywas made governor. 2. TJie Oueecneas. 8. Abraham 7iearke?ieth unto Seemer. 11. And decreetk the lot. 15. The Kopur-hedd scribes stir up the people. 22. The Pahdees ajid the schyndee. 29. They hoxvl about givi7ig ivages tmto the Niggah. 30. Ouaics. NOW it came to pass that for a time before the Kopur-hedds set up Seemer for gov- ernor of the province of Gotham, the war in the land of Unculpsalm had languished ; and it seemed as if the Tshivulree might prevail against the langkies, and the land of Uncul- psalm might be divided, and its government brought to naught. 2. So that many which were not Kopur- hedds, but which wavered in their purpose, joined themselves unto the sect of Oueecneas ; for so were they called which could not stand up like men to the work which was before them. 3. And Seemer saw this. Wherefore he said, Behold, Abraham and his counsellors are slothful, and the land will be ruined because Ver. 3. Here Seemer digged a pit for his adversaries. We shall see afterward how he fell into it himself. 130 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. of their slothfulness. Why do they not send officers throughout the land, and let lots be cast for men to fill up the armies of Uncul- psalm, that it may be done speedily, and that with a high hand and a mighty arm. 4. And the Kopur-hedds said, Yea, verily, Let the lot be cast, and let the men be taken. Behold, Abraham and his counsellors are feeble. Let the war be waged with a high hand and a mighty arm. 5 . But in all this they were crafty (for they were wise in their generation), and sought only to get the government into the hands of their faction. And they prospered for the time. For all of their own faction, and all of the sect of Oueecneas gave their voices for Seemer, so that he was made governor. 6. Now the Knsuvvutivs forgat nothing, neither learned they anything ; wherefore it was that they remained in hot water lest they might be scalded. 7. And Abraham remembered how it had been with rulers which were Knsuvvutivs in the olden time ; how they had either brought their nation to ruin or themselves ; and how two rulers, kings, even the king of the land of Jonbool, before it became the land of Jonbool, and while the men of Unculpsalm, even the langkies, dwelt therein, and the king of the land of the Pahlivoos, which were good men, THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I3I but Knsuvvuttivs, and forgot nothing, neither learned anything, but got themselves into hot water and remained therein lest they should be scalded, were solemnly beheaded for their Knsuvvuttism. 8. And Abraham considered the matter in his heart, and he said within himself. The wise man remembereth the teachings of the past, but he turneth not away from the cry of the present ; neither stoppeth he his ears against the chiding of his adversary, for it may profit him. So, although Abraham was not num- bered among the Knsuvvuttivs, he hearkened unto their counsels. 9. Now there were others, chief men of the Dimmichrats, which did likewise. And these were Benbuttlah, who first discovered that the everlasting Niggah was khontrab-hand ; (Now, khontrab-hand, in the language of all the gen- tiles, is everything which doeth harm unto him that maketh war, and helpeth his enemy to war upon him;) and Daniel, surnam.ed Scrip- turdic, because he searched the Scriptures, not to find something to his advantage, but that he might expound them unto the people ; and Jembray Dee, a great lawyer of Gotham, who would take no office, and who was the son of a Pahdee. Likewise were there many others of this sort among the Dimmichrats. 10. And Abraham said, Let the lot be cast 132 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. who shall serve in the armies of Unculpsalm. And, whereas, by them of olden time, even by Moses, it was said that only he who had taken a wife should not go to war, let now every man who is the only son of a widow, and who is the only support of his wife and his little ones, and every man whose going shall be a hardship and a calamity, save that which men ought to bear, not be taken. 11. And if any man's heart fail him, or if his business require him, let him pay another that he may go in his place ; let it be declared that whosoever upon whom the lot falleth, and who will pay into the treasury three hundred pieces of silver, shall have another provided for him to go to the war in his place ; for so shall the extortioners not grind the faces of them that be both poor and faint-hearted. 12. Now when Phernandiwud heard that this was done, he rejoiced greatly. For he said, Abraham hath again ministered occasion unto us ; and this occasion is even better than that when he gave us Clement for a martyr. 13. For Clement hath made little for us by his martyrdom. 14. And immediately Phernandiwud, and Benjamin his brother, and James the Scribe, and Erastus his brother, and Primus the Scribe, and Assohkald Eddittah, being bidden there- unto by his owners, and all the Scribes and the THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 133 orators of the Kopur-hedds throughout the land of Unculpsahu, forgetting the former counsel of Seemer, and that they did declare the same, did set themselves to stir up the people against the lot. 15. For they said, Thus shall we hinder Abraham and his counsellors in their govern- ment, and thus shall we stop the war, so that no more grievous victories shall afflict the land, and the armies of Unculpsalm shall be driven from the field, and the gospel of peace shall prevail, and the land shall be divided, and the nation destroyed, so that we can build it up again, and its foundation shall be the everlast- ing Niggah, who endureth from generation to generation. 16. And openly they declared against the lot, because, as they said, it was contrary to the Great Covenant. 17. For, in the land of Unculpsalm, what- ever a man was loth to do he would say was not according to the Great Covenant ; so that men began to hope that it might be found con- trary to the Great Covenant for the husband to walk up and down with a child that crieth in the night. (For such was the custom in that land). Wherefore the children would have been suffered to cry until the judges had deliv- ered judgment, but that the women had whereof to say about that matter. 12 134 ^^^ ^^^^ GOSPEL OF PEACE. i8. But in secret the Kopur-hedds said unto the poor men, Behold, Abraham heth in wait for the blood of the poor. For the rich man who can pay three hundred pieces of silver need not go to the war ; but the poor man, who cannot pay, must go if the lot fall upon him. Saying not that every man must serve God and his country according to his ability. 19. And to the rich they said, The three hun- dred pieces of silver will not be paid to the men who go into the army in your places, but even unto that other army, the noble army of Coun- teractors which do continually praise Abraham. 20. Thus the Kopur-hedds made confusion, and stirred up the people to murmur through- out the land ; but chiefly in the city of Gotham, which was governed by the Pahdees, the fol- lowers of Phernandiwud. 21. Now the Pahdees are ready to fight, and they love fighting for the fighting's sake ; and so do not the langkies, which do never fight, save against oppression and for righteousness' sake. 22. And the Pahdees do like best that fight which is called schyndee. (Now a schyndee is when each man breaketh the head of his neighbor and asketh no questions. ) And with- out schyndees the Pahdee pineth away, and life is a burden unto him. 23. But before the beginning of the war the THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 135 Pahdees of Gotham had been almost altogether deprived of schyndees by reason of the strait- ness of Ken Edee and his watchmen. 24. And when the war began, besides that many of them stood idle and had neither work nor wages, they all thought that the war would be like unto a great schyndee, even great enough to make up unto them the loss of all the schyn- dees whereof they had been deprived by the watchmen of Gotham. So they went many of them to the war ; but after a season they came home, and having been filled with fighting for a time, and finding both work and wages, they returned not again, but gave themselves to gov- erning Gotham. 25. Now when the decree went forth that the lot should be cast, Phernandiwud and the chief of his disciples who were apostles of the new gospel of peace went among the Pahdees and said unto them, 26. What is this that Abraham and his coun- sellors would do unto you? They are tyrants and would take away your rights and your privileges. For is it not the right and the privi- lege of the Pahdees to come from a land of fam- ine and oppression unto the land of Unculpsalm, which is a land of plenty and of freedom, and to be paid for their labor four fold what they received aforetime, and while the smell of the bog of that land is yet upon their feet to be- 136 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. come rulers in that land, and to take unto them- selves all the benefits for which the langkies have done battle and sat in council, and toiled generation after generation, and to have fat of- fices, and above all, to rule in Gotham? 27. Wherefore, then, goeth forth this decree from Abraham and his counsellors, that the lot shall be cast in Gotham, w^here be many Pah- dees, even a great number like unto the locusts for multitude, save that Abraham thirsteth for the blood of the Pahdees, and would take them away from ruling Gotham, and deliver the city into the hands of the langkies, which have no right therein, and unto men who would take away the everlasting Niggah and let him go a free man over the land, and get both work and wages? 28. And when the Pahdees heard of giving wages unto the Niggah they all howled with an exceeding long and grievous howl. For the Pahdees do hate the Niggahs ; and for them to hear that the Niggah is to have wages like unto them is an exceeding sore aflfliction. So they howled with an howling like unto that of a ouaic. 29. Now in the tongue of the Pahdees a ouaic is a gathering together by night over the body of a dead Pahdee. And forasmuch as it is one of their solemn ceremonies, they do pour out drink offerings, and also make sacrifices. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 37 For after they have well poured out drink offer- ings they do have a schyndee and slay one of their number as a sacrifice for him that is dead. And then straightway there is another ouaic over him that is slain ; and so on forever, so that each ouaic produceth another; and thus the howling of the ouaic and the pouring out of drink offerings and the schyndee never cease throughout the country of the Pahdees. 30. And Phernandiwud and the scribes and orators of the Kopur-hedds did continually day by day thus stir up the Pahdees and all them of the baser sort among the men of Gotham. 12* 138 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE, CHAPTER VI. I. The Pahdees and the Bihdees declare against the lot. 3. Seemer seeketh to stay the lot, 5. But Abraham re- fiiseth. 8. The Pahdees begin the ministration of the Gospel of Peace, and make schyndees. 12. And sta7id by the Great Covenant. 21. One of the Tshiviilree smelleth the smell of burnt Niggah. 23. And becometh gracious. 57. Seemer cometh. 60. The Pahdees set him at naught. 61. The Pleece. 6-^. The reasons of the ministration. NOW when the day of the casting of the lot drew nigh, the Pahdees and the Bih- dees (for so were called the women of the Pahdees which were maid servants unto the langkies) declared that they would not suffer the lot to be cast, but would make a great schyndee, and that in this they would do the will of Seemer, whom they called Say More, and of Phernandiwud. 2. But the langkies heeded them not, say- ing, This is all blahknee, which being inter- preted is bung-come. For the blahknee of the Pahdees is the bung-come of the langkies. Ver. 2. Brown, Jones, and Robinson, after much discus- sion, unite in the opinion that if we only know what was the bung-come of the langkies, we might safely conjecture what was the blahknSe of the Pahdees. Without commit- THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I39 3. But Seemer was told of this thing in such manner that he knew it to be true. And he took no means to prevent the Pahdees, neither did he summon any of the soldiers of the prov- ince back to Gotham. But he sent one of his officers unto Abraham and unto his counsellors, saying, 4. Behold now the Pahdees will resist the lot. Let it therefore be stopped until the judges can say whether it is according to the Great Covenant. 5. But Abraham answered him and said, Hear me, Seemer. This nation standeth up to the lips in hot water, and the pot hath been heating now these thirty years ; and, as I live, this nation shall no longer remain in hot water without striving to get out thereof, because it is not according to Knsuvvuttism. Let the judges deem ; but let the lot go forward. 6. So the lot went forward. And Seemer washed his hands ; for, like Pilate, he also was a Knsuvvuttiv. 7. Now the first day of the casting of the lot was the seventh day of the week : wherefore the Pahdees refrained themselves, lest Augustus ting ourselves to so sweeping a conclusion, it is safe to saj that blahknee appears to have been a kind of private bung- come : and consequently Dr. Hobvius Trite conjectures bung-come was a kind of public blahknee. Dr. Trite will be recognized as the eminent Shakespearian commentator. lAO THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. and they of the circumcision should be offended. And the day after was the Sabbath of the Gen- tiles. 8. But on the next day, even on the second day of the week, certain of the Pahdees gath- ered themselves together about the eleventh hour, and fell upon the officers which cast the lots, and drove them out of the house wherein they were, and destroyed their writings, and set the house on fire. And they beat the watchmen of Ken Edee which were sent against them (for the watchmen were but an handful) , and went about the streets armed with clubs and staves, shouting and making schyndees. 9. And straightway the whole city near the quarters where the Pahdees dwelt, which was called Ashantee, was in an uproar. 10. And the tumult grew and spread through- out Gotham among the Pahdees. But of the langkies only a few of the baser sort of the Hittites and the Hammerites joined therein. Yet did certain of the orators and scribes of the Kopur-hedds inflame the Pahdees with their words ; and chiefly Assohkald Edditah, who to gain the World had lost his own soul. 1 1 . And Ken Edee went to see what the tu- mult was. And the Pahdees said, Lo, this enemy of Phernandiwud cometh, and he that stoppeth schyndees is delivered into our hands. Let us slay him, therefore ; for we stand by the THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I4I Great Covenant. And they beat him nigh unto death. 12. And they were more and more inflamed by their own doings, and by the orations of the Kopur-hedds. And they began to shout for Jeph the Repudiator, and to spoil and to burn the city. For they stood by the Great Cov- enant. 13. And they entered into the houses of the officers of Abraham and the houses of the rich men, men of Behal, which strove to set the Niggah free and to pay him wages for his labor, even as the Pahdees were paid ; and they took the household stuff and furniture, and cast it into the street, and some they carried off, and they burned the houses. For they stood by the Great Covenant. 14. And, foaming in anger against the Nig- gahs, lest they should be set free and get wages, they fell upon them which were already free in Gotham, and some they beat, and some they hanged, and some they slew, and some of the bodies of them that they slew they burned while the breath was yet in them. For they stood by the Great Covenant. 15. And they drave the Niggahs out of their houses and set them on fire. For they stood by the Great Covenant. 16. And they went in the night and set on fire an alms house for little Niggahs which 142 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. were orphans, and turned them, half naked, out into the darkness : for they said. Lest they be- come men and receive wages for their labor. For they stood by the Great Covenant. 17. And some Niggahs they cast into the water, and some into the fire ; and they slew the child in the arms of his mother. For they stood by the Great Covenant. 18. And they robbed in the highways of Gotham, even in every part thereof; and they cast stones into the houses of the scribes that taught not the gospel of peace and the ever- lasting Niggah. For they stood by the Great Covenant. 19. And they fought against the officers of Unculpsalm, and slew some of them ; and the Pahdee women, even the Bihdees, did cut them that were slain with knives, even as they did the Niggah men, and one of the officers of the armies of Unculpsalm, in that wise that had they been living men they could not have come into the congregation. For they stood by the Great Covenant. 20. And it come to pass that a man of the Tshivulree sat in the house of Hiram the pub- lican ; and certain Phlunkees were there also, compromising themselves unto him. Ver. 19. See Deuteronon\y xxiii. i. This passage, how- ever, does not support the conjecture that the author was a Hebrew; for upon the ceremonial point in question the Hebrews were not peculiar among oriental people. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I43 21. And the man said, Behold, I do smell a smell as of wool burning, a smell as of the land of the Ephephvees, and the land of Dik- see, which is the home of Tshivulree, and it is sweet unto my nostrils. 22. And the Phlunkees, which were Kopur- hedds, bowed themselves down before him, and compromised unto him, and said. Yea, verily, thy servants are burning Niggahs that it may be pleasant unto my lord, to show their good will unto my lord, and that my lord may see that the home of Tshivulree is coming northward. 23. And he said, Is it even so? It is well. And if ye will indeed offer up the Free Nig- gah unto us as a burnt offering, an offering of a sweet savor, behold, we may accept you and be gracious unto you ; and, when we do smell the smell of the burnt Niggah, we may no longer hold our noses when ye do bow yourselves down unto us, and speak unto us, and sell us your merchandise. If ye continue in well-doing, and will buy and sell the Niggahs, and make them your hewers of wood and drawers of water forever, and beat them with stripes, and roast them with fire, and get sons and daughters of their women and sell them for bondsmen and bondswomen, and if ye will persecute the men of Belial who say, Do ye unto all men as ye would have all men do unto you, and will 144 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. beat them, and hang them, and roast them with fire, and pour hot pitch upon them, and ride them upon sharp beams very grievous to be- stride, and make this country Hke unto the land of Diksee, the home of Tshivulree, 24. Behold then we may be yet more gra- cious unto you, and come into your provinces and take them and rule them and you. 25. And the Phlunkees, which were Kopur- hedds, bowed themselves down again, and com- promised themselves yet the more, and said, Be it unto thy servants even as thou wilt. 26. Now when Seemer had sent his officer to Abraham because he knew that there would be a tumult, he remained not in Gotham, but went down to the seaside. 27. And when the tumult broke out, they sent for him ; but he came not. But on the second day even the Kopur-hedds sent unto him, say- ing. Come over and help us ere we be de- stroyed. And he came. 28. But the Pahdees, although they were slaying and burning and destroying, fled not from before his face although he was governor of the province, whose office it was to execute judgment upon transgressors. But when they saw him, they thronged upon him, and shouted welcome unto him. And he spake unto them and compromised himself unto them, and said unto them, THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I45 29. Hear me, O my friends. I mean that the wrongs which ye do suffer in being made to bear your part of the burdens of the land of Unculpsalm, and to obey the laws thereof, shall be abated. And I have sent an officer unto Abraham to demand that the law against which you have made this tumult shall not be enforced. But, my friends, I pray you, O my noble friends, I do entreat you, that ye will re- spect private property (for do not our noble friends the Tshivulree, whom we all serve this day, respect private property?) else I cannot deliver you from your oppression. 30. Yet on the morrow he issued a procla- mation to the people that they should obey the laws of the province. But he said nothing about the laws of Unculpsalm. But the Pah- dees regarded not his proclamation, and went on with their schyndee. 31. Now the watchmen of Ken Edee, which were called Pleece, which were valiant men and goodly to look upon, and which found favor in the eyes of the women of Gotham, fought stoutly under the lieutenant of Ken Edee whose name was Kahpen Turr. Like- wise also did a handful of the soldiers of Un- culpsalm, which were nigh unto Gotham when the tumult began. So that in three days the tumult began to abate. 32. And it came to pass that a man in Go- 13 146 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. tham met some of the Pahdees, and they suf- fered him to talk to them. 33. And he asked them, Why do ye fight the Pleece ? And they answered and said, Because the Pleece began the tumult by with- standing us when we would have driven out the officers who cast the lots against us. For if we may but do our own will, we indeed would trouble no man. 34. And he asked them. Why do ye slay the officers of Unculpsalm? And they answered and said. Because they turn their swords upon the people. For have not the scribes of the Kopur-hedds and the Phlunkees and the Oueec- neas told you that we are the people? 35. And again he asked them. But why do ye slay the Niggahs, which are meek and lowly, and withstand no man, but flee before you? And they said unto him, 26. Confess now, is not the Niggah the cause of the war? And he said. Yea, verily. And they answered him, Behold thou hast said it. We slay the Niggah because he is the cause of the war, and we are apostles of the Ver. 33. Observe the meekness and submissiveness of the Pahdees. If they might only come into the land of Uncul- psalm after the langkies had made it rich, and strong, and a land in which no man could make another afraid, and might govern the chief cities of that land, and do their own will in other matters, they would do neither mischief nor violence. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I47 new gospel of peace, which we do minister unto you with lire and sword this day. 37. And if tlie Niggah choosetli to submit, he hath the right to submit. For we have vowed a vow that no man shall fight against his will ; and this is the right of the Niggah under the Great Covenant. And if he resist- eth, then all the more will we put him to death. For we stand by the Great Covenant. 28, And after five days the tumult was ended, But for five days there were murderings and burnings and destruction. And the smoke of that city went up day and night like the smoke of a furnace ; and the air was filled with groanings, and with the cry of women and of children to whom was ministered the new gospel of peace. 39. And it was a great ministration ; and the like had not been in that land, neither shall be. For if men see not their wickedness and turn not from the error of their ways through such ministration, how shall they be converted? Ver. 39. The striking traits of this book are its wisdom, and the grave and serious style of its author. But here, writing manifestly soon after the event which he describes, he ventures upon an unsafe prediction. He evidently was not enabled to foresee the ministration of the new gospel of peace which is recorded in Book IV., Chapter VI. 148 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. .CHAPTER VII. I. Craftiness of Pkernandhvtcd. 4. He e^tdeavoreth to stay the zeal of tJie Pahdees. 9. But cajinot. 11. Seenier is discomfited. 14. Tshaivlstn. 18. Gil MoaJi. 20. De- stroyeth the great fort of Tshaivlstn. 23. The spirit of the Great Father of the latid filleth the hearts of the tnen of Unculpsalm. NOW in all this the Pahdees did the will of their master, Phernandiwud, the chief apostle of the new gospel of peace. 2. But he appeared not in the matter, nor was he heard of in Gotham durinor the minis- tration ; for he was a subtle man and a crafty, and his walk was slantindicular. 3. So that Elijah, who smelleth the battle afar off in the tents of Tahmunee, and whose walk was straight forward, said, What man- ner of man is this Phernandiwud, that he rais- eth such a tumult among the people, and then straightway taketh himself into the wilderness, where no man can find him? 4. And Phernandiwud was not well pleased with his followers, the Pahdees, and he said unto their ringleaders (for, although he appeared not, he held communion with them) , What mean THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I49 ye that ye act thus without discretion? What ye do is well ; but ye do too much thereof; and by your over-much zeal ye bring reproach upon the gospel of peace among a people which is yet in the darkness of a false dispensation. 5. It is meet and right that the officers of Abraham should be slain, and that the Niggahs should be hanged and burned, and they de- spoiled who would set them free and pay them wages, and that men should be put in terror of the mystery of the new gospel, which yet they comprehend not. For we stand by the Great Covenant. But the time is not yet come. 6. Cease, therefore, to slay the officers of Abraham, and to hang and burn the Niggahs, and to lay waste the city. But continue to withstand the lot, which only I meant that ye should do ; that from the province of Gotham, and from all the other provinces, there should go no more men into the armies of Unculpsalm, and so the war might cease without the putting down of the rebellion. 7. For in this Seemer would have helped us. But now by your over-much zeal ye have com- pelled him to declare himself against us, though in heart he is with us. Cease, now, therefore, to slay, to hang, and to burn any more than is prudent, or ye will hinder the new gospel of peace. Have ye not read how it is written, The zeal of thy house hath eaten me up ? 13* 150 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 8. (For again, as in his business with Marah- vine, he had searched the Scriptures that he might find something to his advantage). 9. Now this was on the second day of the ministration. But the Pahdees then would not heed the words of Phernandiwud, and went on with their slaying and their hanging and their burning. 10. Then did Phernandiwud and the Kopur- hedds, see that again their case was desperate, and that, seeking to let out a little water, they had opened the floodgates, and could not close them again. Wherefore they gave up this matter ; and the watchmen of Ken Edee, even the Pleece, and the soldiers of Unculpsalm took possession of the city of Gotham, and then all men, even the Niggahs, slept in peace, and ate their bread in quietness. 11. Nevertheless, Seemer and all them that were disciples of the new gospel of peace, and which said that no man, not even the Niggah, should be made to fight, declared that they would resist the lot by the law, and that they would do by the judges that which the}^ had failed to accomplish through the over-much zeal of the Pahdees. 12. But they could not; for they found that their own judges whom they glorified, and who expounded the Great Covenant only as a great compromising, which should endure forever, THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 151 had declared against them, and that the law of Unculpsalm was supreme in the land. 13. So the lot was cast, and the men taken, and the war was not hindered. And the armies of Unculpsalm moved forward. And in the west they marched into the heart of the land of Diksee, and the army of the Phiretah captain in that country, who was surname d the Brag- gart, fell back before them. 14. Now upon the south-eastern coast of the land of Diksee, on the shore of the great sea, as thou goest down unto Jahrji, where Robert dwelt among the tombs, was a little city, which they who dwelt therein called Tshawlstn, which was full of Phiretahs. And the people thereof did nothing and thought of nothing but to be Tshivulree. And being mere cumberers of the ground, and doing nothing but be Tshivulree, they yet were eaten up with conceit of them- selves and their glory ; and they boasted more than any other of the boasters south of the bor- der of Masunandicsun ; and their only boast was that they were the real Tshivulree. Where- fore even in the land of Diksee men laughed them to scorn. 15. And as the people thereof did nothing but boast and be Tshivulree, Tshawlstn fell into decay, and year by year as it decayed it be- came more and more stiff-necked and rebel- lious. And it was in Tshawlstn that the men 152 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. of the South first rose up against the govern- ment of Unculpsahn ; and it was from the fort before the city, which guarded the passage to the sea, that the Phiretahs, with an army of five thousand men, drove out one of the cap- tains of Unculpsalm, with a band of ninety at the beginning of this war. 16. Wherefore, although the men of the North hated not the men of the South as the men of the South hated them, yet their anger was hot against Tshawlstn, and they sought to crush it as men crush the cockatrice's den. For they said. It is the nest of the rebelhon. And thus did all them throughout the land of Diksee which had respect unto the government of Unculpsalm, according to the Great Cove- nant, and longed to see the banner of Uncul- psalm, under which their fathers had fought, again in triumph in their land. 17. And the armies of Unculpsalm laid siege to Tshawlstn, and to the great fort which stood before it guarding the passage to the sea. But the Phiretahs had made the place strong by casting up mounds and building other forts, so that it resisted long and stoutly. And three captains had sat down before it in vain. 18. Then Abraham sent against it a captain whose name was Gil Moah. And he was a young man, but he was cunning to fight with great engines of war ; and he had taken and THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 153 destroyed another strong fort which the Phire- tahs had wrested from the government of Un- culpsalm. 19. And Gil Moah sat down before Tshawl- stn, and cast up banks against the forts around it, and took some of them, and set up great engines of war, very mighty and very marvel- lous, the like of which had not been seen be- fore in any land. 20. And he drave the Tshivulree out of the strong places which were before the great fort ; and he set up his engines against that fort, and he battered it to ruins. Moreover he turned his engines against Tshawlstn, and threw iron balls into the city, and fire that ran along the ground and could not be extinguished. 21. Whereat the Phiretahs were in great in- dignation ; for they said, that according to the laws of Tshivulree, even their laws, Gil Moah should throw fire which could be extinguished. But he answered them that he came not to obey their laws, but to compel them to obey the laws of Unculpsalm, and that he did not throw the fire only that it might be put out. 22. And when the news went about that Gil Moah had destroyed the great fort of Tshawlstn, the men of Unculpsalm heard thereof with solemn joy. 23. And it come to pass that immediately the spirit of the Great Father of that nation, even 154 "^^^ ^^^ GOSPEL OF PEACE. he who was first in peace and first in war among that people, descended and filled the hearts of all of them, saying unto them, 24. Hear me, my children, and give ear unto me, ye who are the only fruit of my being. The first triumph of treason is brought low by the power which I nourished ; and before the banner which ye first uplifted by my hands the stronghold of iniquity is fallen. 25. Now, when ye do receive the same, and it is delivered into your hands, ye shall in no wise rebuild it. Ye shall not suffer one stone to be laid again upon another. 26. But it shall remain before your eyes a heap and a desolation from generation to gen- eration, to be a sign and a memorial unto you, and unto your children, and your children's children forever. 27. And it shall come to pass, that when your sons and your daughters say unto you, What are these stones, and wherefore are these ruins? that ye shall answer unto them, 28. Thus shall it be unto all them which seek the destruction of the land that doeth justice and loveth mercy, and that dealeth righteously without respect of persons, and giveth freedom unto all them that dwell therein. END OF THE SECOND BOOK. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 155 Note B. Ver. 10, II, 12. Assohhald EdditaJi. This singular name seems not to have been the patronymic of the person who bore it, but to have been given to him, after the manner of primitive times, from his occupation and his character. But although his name is strange to us, it would not be well for us to be complacent in the thought that his readiness to sell himself for lucre is foreign to our country. That it is not unknown among our people is made very clear by the following affidavits which appear among the evidence in the case of George Opdyke against Manton Marble, Elon Comstock, John Doe, Richard Roe, and John Styles : — [affidavit I.] SUPREME COURT. George Opdyke, against Manton Marble, and others. City and County of New York, ss : David Hoadley, being required by an order of this Court to attend before a referee and make an affidavit in this matter, and being duly sworn, says that he resides in the City of New York. Q^ Do you know the defendant, Manton Marble .? A. He called upon me with a letter of introduction from a personal friend, about two years ago [fall of 1862] ; I cannot state the date accurately. Q^ What passed at that interview.'' A. He stated that the object of his call was connected with the pecuniary embarrassments of the newspaper called "The World." That unless aid was obtained at an early day the paper must go down. That while he very much preferred that it should be kept in the hands of parties who 156 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. were in sympathy with the general principles of the paper as then conducted, he was apprehensive that unless aid was extended by such parties, the paper would pass into the hands of persons holding different views, and his impres- sion was that it would come under the control of Fernando Wood. Q^ Did you render him any assistance, or was any ren- dered to your knowledge ? A. I rendered no aid directly, but gave him a note of introduction to a gentleman of large wealth, who, as I thought, might feel sufficiently interested in preserving the paper in its then existing status to extend what aid was necessary. I am not aware whether the gentlemen referred to entertained the subject of extending the required aid or not ; but I presume not, from the fact that the character of the paper was soon afterwards changed. Q^ From what passed at your interview with Mr, Mar- ble, did you receive the impression that he possessed sufficient pecuniary resources to carry on the paper him- self ? A. My impression was that he was unable to sustain the paper without the aid of other parties, which he was then seeking. David Hoadley. Sworn to before me, this 29th > day of September, 1864. 5 Daniel P. Ingraham, Jr., Referee. [AFFIDA\r[T 2.] SUPREME COURT. George Opdyke, against Manton Marble, and others. City and County of New York, ss : Alexander Wilder, being duly required to make an affida- vit in this action, and being duly affirmed, deposes and THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 157 sajs, that he resides in the city of New York. That he knows the defendant Manton Marble, and has known him since the year 1858. That in 1858 the deponent became connected with " The New York Evening Post," and that at that time the said Marble occupied the position of one of the assistant editors on that newspaper, &c. . . . Q^ Do you know what were the politics of " The World " when he was first connected with it? A. They were known as republican, with a decidedly conservative tendency. Q^ Did the politics of " The World " afterwards change, Marble continviing all the while to be an editor.'' -* A. In the fall of 1862, the politics of that paper changed. I know the time from the fact that in September of that year Governor Seymour made a speech in Albany, in which he spoke of "The World" as a Republican newspaper, and of Marble as its editor, and immediately afterwards "The World " supported Governor Seymour for the Governor- ship, under the nomination of the opposite party. Q^ What capital is necessary to run a daily morning pa- per in the city of New York ? A. At least a hundred thousand dollars ; my impression is that it would take two hundred and fifty thousand dol- lars. Alexander Wilder. Affirmed before me, this 27th September, 1864. Geo. p. Nelson, Commr. of Deeds. What " the general principles of the paper" were at the time when the subject of these affidavits told the gentleman upon whom he had called in regard to its "pecuniary em- barrassments " that he apprehended that " unless aid was extended" to it, " it would come under the control of Fer- nando Wood," may be gathered from the following extract from its prospectus, published a short time before the call in question : — " The World has now been in existence for a little more than a year. It has attained, in that short period, to the 14 158 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. highest rank in American journalism, — to a perfectly secure financial basis, and to a circulation, patronage, and influence, which has only been equalled bj other journals after the labors of many years In the future, as it has in the past, it will give to the Ad- ministration a hearty and vigorous support, because, in the war for the Union, twenty millions of people have confided to its hands their battles for Liberal Institutions, Good Government, Nationality, and Freedom. The World will oppose all compromises which would barter away the prin- ciples for which this war is waged ; it will oppose peace itself till the success of the war assures the perma7ience of peace, and will urge the prosecution of the war, ivifk econ- omy, but -with relentless vigor, till the federal property is recovered, and federal authority is re-established, from the Chesapeake to the Rio Grande." The New Gospel of Peace. BOOK THIRD. [Published July 22d, 1864.] (159) BOOK THIRD. CHAPTER I. 1. Pshaw dee. 6. The generations of Pshaw dee. *j.Psnawb. lo. Peddulah. 12. Rheet Aylah. \(i. Johbah. \<^. Holz Ayl. 20. Kaudphyssh. 22. The greatness of Kaud- j)hyssh. 35. His riches vafiish away. IN the days when Abraham ruled the land of Unculpsalm, there was a man in the city of Gotham whose name was Pshawdee. 2. And Pshawdee was of the noble army of the Counter actors, which did continually praise Abraham. 3. But in the days of Phranklinn and of James whose surname was Facing-both-ways, he was of the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats. 4. And it came to pass that in the third year of the war in the land of Unculpsalm, Pshaw- dee was a rich man like unto Dives for richness ; because that in the days of James who faced both ways, he had joined himself unto the Schynnurs who go to and fro in Ouahlztrete, and afterwards he had gone down the river of 14* (161) l62 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. the debtors, even the Oh-I-owe, which leadeth unto the country of the Repudiators. 5. For he would neither pay the debts that he owed nor acknowledge them, and ask them to be forgiven him. Wherefore it was that he went unto the country of the Repudiators, and afterward became a rich man like unto Dives in the city of Gotham. 6. Now these are the generations of Pshaw- dee. 7. There came a man from the land of Jon- bool into the land of Unculpsalm whose name was Psnawb. And he was a Phlunkee. 8. And he dwelt in the northern part of the land, and sojourned in a town which was by the sea-side, and which the people thereof thought was the centre of the earth, and the chief city in the land of Unculpsalm. Where- fore they called it Boss-town ; for bos», being interpreted, is master. The same is that which by the scribes among them was called the new Athens. 9. And Psnawb took to wife a woman of the Pahdees (for there were Pahdees in Boss-town) , even a Bihdee. And she was fruitful, after the manner of the Bihdees, and bore him sons and daughters. 10. But the names of none of them are writ- ten, except the name of his first-born, Ped- Ver. 10. It would seem as if the Phiretahs had derived THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 63 dullah. And Peddullah was the father of all them that went to and fro in the land of Uncul- psalm, from the country of the langkies even unto the country of the Tshivulree, carrying merchandise and getting gain. 11. And Peddullah took unto himself a wife of the Meenouites which dwelt in the country of the Tshivulree, but which were poor, and had no Niggahs, and were scorned of the Tshivulree. And when he had brought her northward into the land of the langkies, she conceived and bare him a son, and she called his name Rheet Aylah ; for, she said, he shall not go to and fro like his father, but shall dwell in one place, and he shall increase in sub- stance. 12. And Rheet Aylah went and dwelt in Gotham. But in the beginning he did not prosper ; and he looked and said, Behold, it is because I am a stranger, and without friends and acquaintance. 13. So he went unto one of the wise men of their notions of the langkies chiefly from their acquaint- ance with Peddullah and the sons of Peddullah. Hence their contempt for the langkies for which thej paid so dearly. Dr. Trite remarks that the names throughout this genealogy are, in his judgment, rather the names of tribes than those of individuals. But how does this agree with the oriental custom of giving the names of individuals to tribes } Here is a question that may well tax all the powers of the ingenious and learned commentator. 164 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. Gotham, and asked him, saying. How shall I make unto myself friends and acquaintances among the Gothamites ? And the wise man answered him and said, Join thyself either unto the Pharisees or unto the Phyarmen. 14. And Rheet Aylah considered the matter, and when he saw that the Phyarmen were bold, and that they toiled and slept not, and were familiar with danger, he joined himself unto the Pharisees. 15. And he took unto himself a wife of the women of Gotham, whose father was a Phari- see. And straightway he began to prosper and increase in substance. And Rheet Aylah's wife conceived and bare a son, and called his name Jobbah. 16. And Jobbah sold rnerchandise unto the sons of Peddullah, his grandfather. But he despised them, although they were his near kinsmen. And he despised his father also. For he said within himself. They are Peddul- lahs and the sons of Peddullahs, and am I not Jobbah? 17. And Jobbah also sold merchandise unT:o merchants in the land of Tshivulree, and some of them often paid him not for a long season. And he went southward into their country, even the country which lieth southward of the border of Masunandicsun, to ask of them the money which they owed him. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 165 18. And while he was in the country of the Tshivuh-ee he took to wife a daughter of one of the Meenouites who had gathered a httle substance, and had bought unto himself some Niggahs. For in the land of Tshivulree when a Meenouite became rich, he went straightway and bought a Niggah, saying, Thus shall I no longer be a Meenouite, but Tshivulree. And it was so that when a Meenouite had bought many Niggahs, he was Tshivulree. 19. And Jobbah's wife conceived and bare a son, and she called his name Holz Ayl. For she said, he shall be greater than his father. 20. And Holz Ayl dwelt in Gotham and waxed rich year by year. And he took to wife a Gothamite woman ; and she bore him a son, and called his name Kaudphyssh. And Kaudphyssh dwelt in Gotham, and did mer- chandise there, and became exceeding rich ; but after a little while he ceased making mer- chandise, and became a money-changer. 21. And Kaudphyssh went southward, and took to wife a daughter of one of the Tshivul- ree, and her brother took to wife Kaudphyssh's sister. Then Kaudphyssh said within himself, Ver. 18. The change of name with the change of con- dition, and the resting of the latter change upon the possession of a large household of bondservants is confirm- atory proof, if any were needed, of the Eastern origin of this book, if not of its antiquity. l66 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. Lo, I am Tshivulree ; and he worshipped the Great Covenant, and watched day and night over the everlasting Niggah. 22. And Kaudphyssh said, Behold I am as a prince in this country ; for could not I buy a house full of princes such as there be among the Tytchmen ? Therefore will I live like unto a prince. Then Kaudphyssh builded him a house like unto a palace, and the ceilings thereof were covered with gold and with many colors, and it was adorned with curious wood within and without ; and he fared sumptuously every day ; and had men-servants and women- servants, and horses and chariots ; and his wives and his daughters were clothed in silken raiment of many colors, and in fine-twined linen, like unto the spider's web, and in jewels and precious stones. And they went often- times and sat in a pulpit in the great hall of the men-singers and women-singers of Gotham ; and when these sang the music that they com- prehended not in a language that they under- stood not, they clapped their hands and shouted with exceeding joy. 23. And Kaudph3^ssh made great feasts and suppers, with music and dancing, and when he made the feasts, he bade not only his friends and acquaintance, but strangers, that his house might be full ; so that it seemed as if he had sent out into the streets and the lanes and had THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 167 called in all except them that were hungry, and the halt, and the blind. 24. (For in Gotham no rich man gave a feast with music and dancing, unless he bade so many guests that they could neither talk, nor eat, nor hear music, nor dance in a manner convenient for them. And because every man, if he was not rich, would be thought rich, this was always the manner of feasting in Gotham) . 25. And Kaudphyssh went, he and his sons and his daughters, beyond the sea, to the land of Jonbool, and the land of the Pahlivoos ; and they lived in the chief city of the Pahlivoos two years, and gave feasts unto the princes and the nobles of the Pahlivoos, who ate their feasts, and laughed within themselves. And they went to the court of the king of the Pahlivoos, and were so filled with the glory of that land when they returned to their own land, even to the land of Unculpsalm, there was not an end of their Pahlivooing. 26. Now, the wife of Kaudphyssh had a hand-maiden which was a Bihdee, yet was she fair to look upon. And Kaudphyssh saw that she was comely ; and he said within himself. Ver. 24. Is it possible that after reading this verse atten- tively any man can entertain the supposition for a moment that the customs of the city of Gotham therein recorded have any likeness to those which obtain among so intelli- gent and notoriously practical a people as the Americans ? l68 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. O that this land were a patriarchal land, even like unto the land of the Ephephvees, and the country round about Tshawlstn ! for then would my wife own this hand-maiden, and she would give her unto me to be my concubine, even as Rachel and Leah gave their hand-maidens unto Jacob. But this land is fallen away from the faith of the patriarchs in that we own not our servants, and our wives give us not their hand- maidens to be our concubines. 27. But as to this woman, mayhap I can per- suade her. And he persuaded her. And she bore him a son ; and she called his name Pshawdee ; for she said, He is not the true thing, yet he is like unto it. 28. These, therefore, are the generations of Pshawdee. 29. Psnawb, who came from the land of Jonbool, begat Peddullah ; 30. And Peddullah begat Rheet Aylah ; 31. And Rheet Aylah begat Jobbah ; 32. And Jobbah begat Holz Ayl ; 33. And Holz Ayl begat Kaudphyssh ; 34. And Kaudph3^ssh begat Pshawdee of the Pahdee woman, which was his concubine. 35. And after these things the riches of Kaudphyssh vanished away, and he became poor, and was no more counted among the great men of Gotham. But he hid some money from his creditors, and went down the river of the THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 169 debtors, the Oh-I-owe, unto the country of the Repudiators ; and they welcomed him. 36. And there he bought some Niggahs with the money that he had hidden, and he Hved upon the wages that were paid to him for their labor ; and so at the last he was Tshivulree. 15 170 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. CHAPTER II. I. Pughtammug. 3. Pshaxvdee serveth in PugJitaimnug. 8. He setteth up a potir-the-rows. 15. Maketh a Cove- nant ivith Phernandi-wud. 16. Becometh a Councillor of Gotham. 20. OuaJdztrete. 22. Pskawdee j)repareth akkaiv?iak. 29. Becometh a Counteractor. 31. Atid is exceeding rich. 33. TiJ)hj)hunnee. NOW Pshawdee was twelve years old when his father went down the river Oh-I-owe. And he saw him no more. 2. And Pshawdee's mother's brother was a servant in the house called Pughtammug, that was in manner of a temple wherein the men of the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats poured out drink-offerings unto Tahmunee. 3. And she said unto her brother, Cause, now, my son Pshawdee to be taken with thee into the house called Pughtammug, that he may serve there. And he did so. And Pshaw- dee served there day and night for eight years. 4. And there came there daily Pahdees which were rulers in the city of Gotham. And Pshaw- dee served them as they poured out their drink- offerings ; and he hearkened unto them as they talked one with another. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I7I 5. And as he hearkened, he considered what they said, and he saw that the way to become a ruler in Gotham was to be a Pahdee, and to set up a house wherein men might pour out drink-offerings unto Tahmunee. And these houses were the synagogues of the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats, and they were called of the Pahdees pour-the-rowses. 6. But they called the drink-offering which was chiefly poured out in them, jinnanshugger. 7. And Pshawdee said within himself. Be- hold, now may I not be a ruler in Gotham. For am not I almost as good as a Pahdee? For my mother was of the Pahdees, and I should have been not almost, but altogether a Pahdee if she had not come into this country. Is it my fault that I was born in the land of Unculpsalm, and in the city of Gotham? 8. So Pshawdee saved the greater part of his wages, and set himself dihgently to learn the art and mystery of making and pouring out drink-offerings ; and when he was twent3^-one years old, he took the money that he had saved, and other money that he borrowed, and he set up a pour-the-rows, and himself he set up to be a teacher of the doctrines of the Dimmi- chrats. 9. And the Pahdees frequented the pour-the- rows of Pshawdee. And Pshawdee sold unto them drink offerings, and preached unto them 172 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. the doctrines of the Dimmichrats according to the sect of Smalphri in Gotham ; and he taught them day and night, mingling his ministrations of doctrine and jinnanshugger, so that in the end they to whom he ministered could not tell the one from the other. 10. So Pshawdee began to increase in sub- stance and to have disciples among the Pah- dees ; and he himself was one of the followers of Phernandiwud. 11. And it came to pass that a little time be- fore Phernandiwud was made chief ruler of Gotham, even before the voices of the people were numbered, that Phernandiwud said unto Pshawdee, how many men follow thee and will give their voices as thou biddest? And Pshaw- dee said, Five hundred. And Phernandiwud said, What shall I promise thee that they may give their voices for me to be chief ruler of the city? 12. And Pshawdee said, Thou shalt write my name upon the roll of them that are to be chosen with thee, that I may be made one of the councillors of Gotham. 13. And Phernandiwud answered and said, What are five hundred men, that I should do this great thing for thee? But Pshawdee said, Behold, now these men be fighting men. Pah- dees, which love schyndees, and if thou wilt put thy servant's name upon thy roll, thy servant THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 73 will give unto these five hundred men fifty pieces of silverworth of the drink-offering, called jinnanshugger, and also a convenient portion of doctrine so mingled that they shall not only give thee their own voices, but shall break the heads of any who give not their voices for thee and for me; and, moreover, if thy servant is chosen with thee, he will pay unto thee tithes of the offerings, even the lob- beepheze, and the pursentojobbz that he re- ceives. 14. For so it was, when the councillors of Gotham doubted whether it was right that they should spend the money of the people, that they who were to receive the money placed offerings, called lobbeepheze, before the eyes of the councillors, and touched their hands with other offerings called pursentojobbz ; and straightway the eyes of the councillors were opened and their hands likewise, and they saw that for the good of the people it was needful that the money should be spent ; and they did righteously, and spent it. Ver. 14. In this passage the translator has been obliged to retain the original words pursentojobbz and lobbeepheze because there are no equivalents to them in English, the things themselves being unknov^^n in this country or in England. The same is true as to that peculiar drink-offer- ing, jinnanshugger, and that striking form of benevolence called making akkawnah w^hich is mentioned in this chap- ter. 15 * 174 ^^^ NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 15. And the matter pleased Phernandiwud ; and he said unto Pshawdee, Let it be a cove- nant between us. 16. So when Phernandiwud was made chief ruler of Gotham Pshawdee was made council- lor; and he fed at the public crib, and waxed fat, and increased in substance. And he was a just councillor, and an upright; for never would he give his voice for spending the peo- ple's money, unless lobbeepheze were placed before his eyes and his hand was touched with pursentojobbz. And he kept his covenant with Phernandiwud, and gave unto him tithes four times a year. 17. And he was wise in his generation, and joined himself unto the Phlunkees, compro- mising unto the Tshivulree, and giving himself night and day to watching over the Great Cov- enant. And in the eyes of Pshawdee the ever- lasting Niggah was of all things most sacred, excepting only lobbeepheze and pursentojobbz. 18. But Pshawdee was not content, and in an evil day he said within himself, Verily I am one of the councillors ot this great city, and I increase in substance day by day. But to be a councillor of Gotham is a thing of small esteem, save only among the Pahdees and the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats. Behold now, therefore, I will no longer be a councillor of Gotham, but I will take my gold and my THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I75 silver, and I will go into Ouahlztrete, and I will make akkawnah there for some of my friends, and I shall suddenly become very rich thereby, and be held in honor throughout the city of Gotham, and I shall enter into the Fifth heave- nue. 19. Now the paradise of the people of Gotham was in the Fifth heavenue, where were the mansions of the blest. And the men of Gotham toiled and travailed, rising early and denying themselves, and sacrificing others, that they might ascend into the Fifth heavenue. 20. And Ouahlztrete was the place in Gotham where the money-changers were. And the money-changers of Gotham differed from the money-changers of Jerusalem and of Tyre and Sidon in that they sold not only gold and silver, but promises, and dreams, and wishes. And chiefly they busied themselves in buying and selling dreams and wishes, and in paying for them in promises. And when the dreams van- ished and the wishes came to naught, he whose promises were greatest paid the overplus of his promises in money. 21. And in the tongue of the men of Ouahl- ztrete to make akkawnah, was for a man to sell unto his friends and acquaintance dreams and wishes, and to take their promises therefor, and then to cause the dreams to vanish and the wishes to come to naught, and to receive from 176 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. them the overplus in gold and silver, to their ruin. 22. So Pshawdee went into Ouahlztrete and craftily prepared akkawnah ; but it came to pass that on the morning when he looked to find his friends therein, he lifted up his eyes, and behold he was in akkawnah himself. 23. So his dreams vanished, and moreover his money vanished with them ; yet not alto- gether, for like his father Kaudphyssh, he hid some and went down the river Oh-I-owe. Yet he went not into the country of the Repudia- tors, but tarried at the city of Swine-sin- naughty. 24. And he changed his name and called himself Pshalmur, and he dyed his beard and altered the fashion of his garments, so that his former acquaintance in Gotham would not know him. Yet no man sought him out, for he was an obscure man, and it is not the man- ner of the men of Ouahlztrete to sue each other at the law. 25. And when Pshawdee saw that the peo- ple of Swine-sin-naughty did nothing night Ver. 24. In the new name assumed by Pshawdee the / appears to have been silent as well as the /, as in Psalm ; so that the name was pronounced as if written sha7nmer. Observe the charity and truly pious benevolence of the men of Ouahlztrete. They did not sue each other at the law, and they diligently prepared akkawnah for each other which they abstained fronrand denied themselves. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 77 and day but slay the unclean beast and make him ready to be eaten, and that they waxed exceeding rich thereby, he took of his money that he had hidden, and bought and sold the abominable creature. And this was about the last days when James, who was called Facing- both-ways, ruled the land of Unculpsalm. 26. Now when Pshawdee saw that there was to be war in the land, and that all the men of the North, even the very Dimmichrats them- selves, would fight against the men of the South, that they might not destroy the nation (for then there were no Kopur-hedds) , he said within himself, 27. Lo, here is my opportunity ; for there will need to be food provided for the army, and raiment; and the soldiers do eat much flesh of the unclean beast. Then Pshawdee, who called himself Pshalmur, reviled the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs openly in the market places ; and he went straightway to the chief officers of the army of Unculpsalm which were in the region round about Swine-sin- naughty, and covenanted with them to furnish meat unto the armies ; and likewise he under- took to furnish them raiment. And afterward he went unto Abraham himself ; and unto his chief councillor for war, and covenanted in like manner. 178 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 28. And the meat that he furnished the sol- diers stank in their nostrils so that they loathed it, and the raiment was rotten and easily rent in pieces, so that they soon had hardly where- withal to cover their nakedness. But for all this Pshawdee cared nothing, for he heaped up riches day by day. 29. And he spoke daily against the Phi- retahs, saying that they should be put to the sword, and that he would gladly give up every one of his kinsmen and his friends and ac- quaintance to go into the armies of Uncul- psalm, even if they should be slain. 30. But he himself went into the noble army of Counteractors which did continually praise Abraham. (Yet did Abraham know the value of their praises.) And his riches increased, so that after a year had passed, the city of Swine-sin-naughty became as a heap of dirt in his eyes. And he said, I will go to Gotham and become one of the great men of the city. And he went there. 31. And he entered into a mansion in the Fifth heavenue, with rich Household stuff, and graven images, and candlesticks of beaten gold from the land of the Pahlivoos, and horses and chariots ; and his wife became one of the women which swept the streets of Gotham (that had no other sweeping) with sumptuous apparel of silk of many colors. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 79 32. (For when Pshawdee was a servant in the house called Pughtammug, he had taken to wife a woman which lived nigh thereunto, and she was the daughter of a Tytchman that was a publican and host of a little inn, and her name was Balm-hade.) 33. Now there was a man in Gotham whose name was Tiphphunnee, who was cunning to work in gold and in silver, and in precious stones. And he made graven images of gold and all manner of idols that women worship. And he knew the secrets of the hearts of many of the rich women of Gotham ; but he kept them within his own breast. 34. And when Pshawdee went down the river Oh-I-owe he owed Tiphphunnee more than an hundred and fifty pieces of silver; and since then he had not paid them. 35. Nevertheless, because all the great men of Gotham bought of Tiphphunnee, Pshawdee went to him to buy jewels of gold, and precious stones and vessels of silver for his table and his house. For, he said, I have altered the fashion of my countenance and of my gar- ments, and have dyed my beard, and am no more called Pshawdee, but Pshalmur, and seven years have passed and Tiphphunnee will not know me. Moreover, after six years I was guiltless in this matter ; for so teacheth Pher- nandiwud, my master and mine ensamplc. l8o THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 36. But SO it was that when Tiphphunnee saw him he knew him. For Tiphphunnee was a wise man and a subtle, and his eyes saw be- neath the outsides of men. And Tiphphunnee said within himself, Behold this man is called Pshalmur, and he looketh and carryeth him- self like a stranger. But go to now, is he not Pshawdee who owed me an hundred and fifty pieces of silver when he was councillor of Gotham, and who went down the river Oh-I- owe and paid me not? And he despised him in his heart. 37. Yet did Tiphphunnee not tell him that he knew him ; for he was crafty and said, If I tell him that I know that he is Pshawdee, he will not surety pay me the hundred and fifty pieces of silver, for more than six years have gone by, and he is a disciple of Phernandiwud ; but surely he will buy no more of me. But if I hold my peace, I can sell him his house full of jewels of gold, and of precious stones, and of vessels of silver, and receive ready pay- ment therefor. For he is rich like unto Dives, and he knoweth not how to spend his riches wisely. So Tiphphunnee held his peace and profited thereby. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. l8l CHAPTER III. I. The War in the land of Unculfsalm. 3. Abraham thrusteth out Pshaxvdee. 10. Ulysses made chief Cap- tain of the West. 13. He attacketh the Phiretahs in the West. 16. A^id defeateth them. NOW the war in the land of Unculpsahn had continued for three years, and came not to an end, and Pshawdee grew richer day by day. 2. Yet was he no longer in the noble army of Counter actors. For with the teaching of the war Abraham had increased in wisdom, and his knees had become strong, and the mighty spirit Bak Bohn dwelt continually with- in him. 3 . Therefore when he found that the soldiers of Unculpsalm were fed with meat which stank in their nostrils, and clothed with raiment which was rotten, and which covered not their naked- ness, he thrust Pshawdee and all like unto him out of the army of Counteractors : and whereas he had aforetime smiled at their praises, now he mocked at their threatenings. 4. So the people and the soldiers of the armies of Unculpsalm loved Abraham, and trusted him. 16 l82 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 5. But Pshawdee, when he was thrust out of the army of Counter actors, ceased to praise Abraham, and joined himself unto the Kopur- hedds. And with the money which he had already received he went again in to Ouahl- ztrete, and bought and sold gold and silver. 6. And he was of them in Ouahlztrete, who strove always against Abraham's chief treas- urer. And Pshawdee, and those of whose com- pany he was, sought to keep the gold and silver of the land in their own hands, and to get great gain thereby in their money changing. And thus Pshawdee grew richer day by day at the cost of the people of the land of Un- culpsalm. 7. And it came to pass about these days that the captain of the armies of Unculpsalm, which were in the hill country of the West, marched southward to go into Jahrji. 8. Now this captain was a valiant man, and in marches he had been crafty and subtle, and in battle a conqueror. And he feared not the army of the Phiretahs which was in Jahrji. But he knew not that Jeph the Repudiator had sent yet another army against him out of Phar- jinnee. 9. And as he marched southward, the Phi- retahs fell upon him, and although he and the soldiers under him fought valiantly, the Phi- retahs drove him back with great slaughter. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 183 Yet did they not utterly discomfit him. And he went back to his stronghold and stayed there. 10. And after these things, Ulysses, whom the soldiers called Unculpsalm, was made chief captain of all the armies of Unculpsalm in the west country. 11. And Jeph the Repudiator swore a great oath, and said that he would drive every man of the langkies out of that country, though he should send thither every Phiretah who dwelt south of the border of Masunandicsun. And he sent 3^et another army to come behind the army of Ulysses and cut him off from the north country. 12. But the soul of Ulysses was not troubled either by Jeph's threats or by his armies. And the latter he regarded not, but waited his op- portunity quietly, as his manner was. 13. Now, the army before him was encamped upon two mountains, and had made itself strong high up upon the sides thereof. And it came to pass that on a certain day Ulysses saw that his opportunity had come. And he moved out from his stronghold upon the Phiretahs, and marched up the mountains to give them battle ; and the tops of the mountains were above the clouds. 14. And the men of the host of Unculpsalm climbed up the mountain where the way was rough, and ran where the way was smooth ; 184 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. and the Phiretahs shot at them as they climbed and as they ran. 15. And that part of the host that was under Joseph of Kalaphorni kept on upward even unto the cloud, and the cloud swallowed it up. 16. And the host went through the cloud, and came out fighting. And Joseph drove the Phiretahs from the mountain-top and down upon the other side. So also did the captain of the other host drive the Phiretahs from the other mountain with great slaughter. And the Phi- retahs fled that day from the face of Ulysses and from the men of Unculpsalm, which followed hard after. 17. And they left their tents, and their wag- ons, and their great engines of war behind them, and they cast away their weapons as they fled. And the men of Unculpsalm slew them by the way even as thou goest down unto Jahrji. And there fell of the Phiretahs more than five thou- sand men that day, besides seven thousand that were taken captive. 18. And the captain of the other army of the Phiretahs saw that Ulysses had been wise in that he had not regarded him and his host. And he saw that he could not stand before Ulysses ; and he gat himself quickly backward toward Pharjinnee. And thus the boasting and the oaths of Jeph the Repudiator were brought to naught. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 185 19. And the fear of Ulysses fell upon the Phhxtahs and the Tshivulree ; and they said, Who is this langkie that marcheth in upon us and overcometh us upon our own ground, and driveth us out of our strongholds ? 20. And they sought no more to fight with Ulysses until they had made greater prepara- tion against him. And Jeph sent out through all the country where his armies were, and gathered together all except the halt and the blind and them that were bed-rid or feeble with age, and compelled them into his armies. But the Niggahs he left at home to till the ground. 16* l36 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. CHAPTER IV. I. T/iC Armies of Unculfisalm rest. 3. Ben Hit the Scribe, 6. Ulysses made Chief Captai?i over all the Armies of Unculpsalm. 9. Abraham hath familiar Spirits. 15. Miscege Nation. 29. John See of Ala h Ripfozah. 31. What he did. 32. And ivhat he did fiot do. 46. The outlandish meti set up John See to be chosen Chief Ruler. 54. Who they tvere that called the Assembly ta set him up. 58. Pshaw dee jo ineth himself U7ito them that set up jfoh?i See. AND after these things the winter came on, and the armies of Unculpsahn rested in their camps. 2. And the time drew nigh when the people should choose again their chief ruler. 3. And a certain scribe named Ben Hit, who was not of the men of Unculpsalm, but who came from the land of Psawknee, which is a province of the land of Jonbool, said, let us make Ulysses chief ruler. For Ben Hit said, If I name Ulysses and he is chosen, he will be gracious unto me. 4. But Ulysses would not, saying. Let me serve in the armies of Unculpsalm until the government is restored throughout the land. Moreover, Ulysses said within himself. Let me THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 87 not be set up by Ben Hit to be chief ruler, for whomsoever he setteth up the people do put down ; and he remembered how when the Phiretahs first made war upon the government of Unculpsalm at Tshawlstn, Ben Hit was on their side, but turned against them in one night because he feared the people. 5. For Ben Hit sought to please the people, and especially the Pahdees, and to say what he thought they would have him to say. Where- fore many listened to him, but no man regarded him. 6. And the people said. Let Ulysses be made chief captain of all the armies of Unculpsalm, and be lieutenant unto Abraham. And it was so. 7. And the people saw that Abraham had become wise, and that his knees were strong, and that he was a just man and kept his soul unspotted from corruption ; and they saw that in the first year of his rule they had judged him foolishly because of their own ignorance how great a matter this war was, and because they considered not that he had been made ruler of a great nation, and of a land larger than the land of any other nation, which was divided by a war the like of which no man hath told or written of for its greatness. 8. And they saw that Abraham, although he had set his face like a flint against all them that 1 88 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. would use the Great Covenant to protect and to justify the Phiretahs in their rebeUion and to hold the Niggahs in everlasting bondage, was a discreet man, and walked warily ; not setting himself up for a prophet, or the son of a pro- phet, or seeking to become a preacher of new doctrine, which he was not chosen to be, but to rule the land, and to defend it, and to maintain the government thereof. 9. And it began to be noised abroad that Abraham had two familiar spirits, even the two mighty ones, Eumun Aytsher and Kawmunz Entz, and that these and the mighty spirit Bak Bohn were in league with him. ID. And whoever taketh counsel of these spirits, Eumun Aytsher and Kawmunz Entz, if he have also the mighty spirit Bak Bohn to help in the doing, there is little that he may not accomplish. 11. Forasmuch, therefore, as Abraham had these spirits and hearkened unto them, he di- vined the thoughts of the hearts of the people, and they felt that he was one like unto them- selves, and they had faith in him that he would do what was acceptable unto them. (For such was the law in the land of Unculpsalm.) 12. Wherefore all they that longed chiefly for the preservation of the land of Unculpsalm, and the maintenance of the honor and the glory of the nation, and that men might be no more THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 89 held in bondage within its borders, wished that Abraham should be again chosen chief ruler. 13. But the Kopur-hedds, which looked for the triumph of the Phiretahs while they yet professed to be faithful to the government of Unculpsalm, and the Knsuvvutivs, which would have kept the nation in hot water lest it should be scalded, and all they that said in their hearts, If this nation cannot be saved by the rule of the Dimmichrats of our faction, let it perish, and be broken up into little provinces, wished that Litulmak the Unready should be chosen. 14. And there were yet others that wished not that Abraham should be chosen again. And these were men who, like the Phiretahs, had no thought but for the everlasting Niggah. 15. And they cared not for the langkie na- tion, neither for any nation, save one called miscege nation, which, being interpreted, meaneth no nation. 16. Now, of these men few were langkies, but almost all were not of the land of Uncul- psalm, but men born in other lands, where they had lived in ignorance like unto outer darkness, and in want and in misery. 17. But the langkies, whose fathers had pos- sessed the land, and had wrested it from the oppression of the king of Jonbool, and had framed the government thereof, doing battle and sitting in council from generation to gen- IpO THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. eration, spake within themselves and with each other, saying : i8. Behold, now we have accepted this war, and are doing battle with the Phiretahs, for two causes ; and the first cause is that our nation shall not be destroyed ; and the second cause is, that the might of our nation shall no more be used to oppress the Niggah. Yet was the second cause before the first ; for if we had consented unto the Phiretahs that they should carry their Niggahs into the common land of Unculpsalm and keep them there in bondage, behold, they would not have sought to destroy the nation. 19. Nevertheless, although we fight that we may no more oppress the Niggah, yet will we not destroy our nation for him, being bidden Ver. 17. From this passage and some others it is plain that the langkies were not the original inhabitants of the land of Unculpsalm; but that they came from afar and possessed it, as the Hebrews did Palestine, and as our fore- fathers did the countries called after them England and New England. The land of Unculpsalm seems to have been strangely without a name, although it was sometimes very improperly called Umherrikah. But were this other- wise, to call the langkies after the name of this land would be as if to call our forefathers in the time of Alfred Britons, or the Normans Frenchmen, because they dwelt for two centuries in France, or the people who followed Moses Egyptians, because they and their forefathers had been for more than two centuries in Egypt, or afterwards to call them Philistines, from the land of which they took posses- sion. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I9I thereto by them who, like the Phiretahs, have no thought but concerning him. 20. We will not oppress him ; but, although he is among us, he is not of us, neither can he be. Be our blood and the blood of our brethren the price of his freedom. But let him not come into our counsels, or be of those which rule this land. Let him dwell apart from us and prosper. 21. And as for these foreigners who would teach us whom we should choose for chief ruler, we rejoice with them that here, through the wisdom and the blood of our fathers, they know not oppression, and gain every man his bread, he and his wife and his little ones, with none to molest or to make him afraid. But it becometh not them to seek to lead us who are this nation, and who, we and our fathers, have been these two hundred years, and who were Ver. 19, 20. There is a tradition that this book having been written at the time of the civil war, of which it is a history, those among the langkies who had no thought but for the Niggah, and wished to make him a part of the na- tion, were its greatest admirers ; and that they were so blinded by their excitement that they did not see the strong line of separation which the writer draws between them and him in this passage; and finally, that after the war was over, when the last book was written, they, discovering in their cooler moments what had before escaped their atten- tion, began to deny the excellence of the work which before they had so much praised. Human nature was in those remote days much what it is now. 192 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. taught from our youth up in the law and in the customs of this land, and in whom our knowl- edge and our love of this land and the laws and the customs thereof, have grown with our growth and strengthened with our strength. 22. They take too much upon themselves, these sons of Tytchmen, and not they only, but certain demagogues of our own country, who would use them for their own advantage. 23. Now the langkies spake thus in sadness and in sorrow of heart. 24. And chief among the langkies who wished not that Abraham should be chosen again was Philip of the new Athens, which was called Boss-town. But he had confessed from the beginning that he cared nothing for the land of Unculpsalm, and he had spat upon the Great Covenant, and had reviled the ban- ner of the nation. Ver. 24. This passage reveals a singular condition of af- fairs, and shows that the men of Unculpsalm were a pecu- liar people in one respect at least. There have been factions in all countries, and factions always denounce each other's principles of administration with bitterness ; but that a man should be allowed openly to deride and contemn the nation itself, and to treat its insignia with scorn and to teach his followers to do the same, shows a confidence in the strength of the nation and a contempt of the individual in question, which is very remarkable, and, as the event in this case proved, which is not very wise. If those who find in this book a parallel to the history of our own country can dis- cover in the course of Philip of Boss-town a likeness to the course of any of our public men, it may well be improved to our edification. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 193 25. Wherefore Philip reviled Abraham also. 26. And of them who wished not that Abra- ham should be chosen again, many were men who had looked, when he was made chief ruler, that he would exalt their horn among the people and make them his counsellors, his offi- cers, and his tax-gatherers. And when he exalted them not, they said. Go to, he is a backslider, he careth more for the nation of Unculpsalm than he doth for the everlasting Niggah. 27. And many were men which, at the out- breaking of the war, had gone, like Pshawdee, into the noble army of the Counteractors which did continually praise Abraham. But when Abraham thrust them out, or took away their gains because they waxed rich upon the sub- stance of the people and by the suifering of the soldiers, they turned upon him and reviled him. 28. And the envious, and they which were disappointed and sought revenge against Abra- ham, and the men who cared not for the lang- kie nation, neither for any nation except miscege nation, which meaneth no nation, looked about to find a man whom they would set up to be chosen for chief ruler. 29. And they found John See of Mah-Rip- pozah, which is in the province of Kaliphorni. 17 194 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. And this John See was of the race of the Pah- livoos. 30. And he, being made one of the high cap- tains in the armies of Unculpsalm, and Gover- nor of a province beyond the Father of the Waters, gave the chief offices under him to outlandish men of all sorts which spake not the language of the langkies. 31. And he took state upon him, and went Ver. 29. John See of Mah-Rippozah appears to have been set up to be chosen chief ruler at some time previous to the great war. I am inclined to think that the following account of him is strongly tinged with that uncharitable spirit of political partisanship which crops out even in the writings of some of the later Hebrew prophets. It seems to have been written at the very time to which it refers, and must be regarded almost in the light of what in our country and in these days we call a political campaign document. From the previous verse it would seem that the party which took up John See of Mah-Rippozah was much like that which joined itself to David when he fled from Saul and Achish of Gath to the cave of Adullam. Indeed, Adullam- itism appears to be a constant element in public affairs. We have recently seen it playing for a brief time an impor- tant part in British politics ; and Mr. Carpenter tells us that just before our last election for President, Mr. Lincoln asked a Member of Cong^-pss "if he remembered the text which his friends had rec..; dy applied to Fremont, and in- stantly turned to a verse in the first of Samuel, put on his spectacles, and read in his slow, peculiar, and waggish tone : ' And every one that was in distress, and every one that was in debt, and every one that was discontented, gathered themselves unto him, and he became a captain over them, and there were with him about four hundred men.' " THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I95 in a chariot with many horses, and with men to go before and to come after, and with a guard of horsemen which were outlandish men, which is not the manner of the langkies. 32. And he led his army not often to battle and never to victory. 33. But he was swift to meddle with the ever- lasting Niggah, and he made a proclamation concerning him, for he thought that the people would say, Lo, a leader is born unto us ! 34. Then Abraham said, I made thee not governor that thou mightest meddle with the everlasting Niggah, but deal with the enemies of the land of Unculpsalm. Behold, the time to meddle with the Niggah is not yet come, and it is for me to judge when it cometh. Take not so much upon thee and call back thy proc- lamation. 35. Then was John See of Mah-Rippozah wroth, and from that time forth he loved not Abraham. 36. And Abraham, because he found him not prudent in council or cunning to fight, re- moved John See from being governor ; but to please the outlandish men, which were many, he made him chief captain of the armies in the hill-country of Pharjinnee. But again he led not his men to victory, neither did he anything good or bad ; and his weak devices were brought to naught. 196 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 37. And soon after these things Robbutleeh fell upon the army of Litulmak the Unready, which was in the eastern coasts of Pharjinnee, and drove Litulmak out of his encampment and fought with him for six days, and yet neither destroyed nor conquered him, but on the sixth day fled from before the face of the men of Un- culpsalm, so that Litulmak might have chased them and put them to the sword, and taken their chief city. Yet did he not, because he was unready. 38. Wherefore Abraham took from him the command, and made John the Boaster chief captain over all the armies in Pharjinnee. 39. And Litulmak, although he had been chief captain over all the armies of the land of Unculpsalm, and all the captains thereof, and the officers thereof, yet rebelled not, neither did he murmur, but took his place under John the Boaster, saying. Be it unto thy servant even as thou wilt, only let me serve the land of Un- culpsalm in the armies thereof. 40. Wherefore the people said, Litulmak is indeed unready, but behold now he is not a self-seeker, and he loveth this land and this people. (And after this, Litulmak was restored again, and drove Robbutleeh out of the prov- ince which is called the land of Mary.) Ver. 39. See Abraham's parable concerning these events in this Book, Chap. VII. 55-59. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 197 41. But John See of Mah-Rippozah said, Go to, now, I will not fight if John the Boaster be made chief captain of the armies in Phar- jinnee. Behold, he is as the dirt beneath my feet, and it becometh not me to be commanded by him. 42. So likewise said all the outlandish men, and the men who had no thought for the nation of Unculpsalm, but only for the everlasting Niggah. 43. And John See of Mah-Rippozah said unto Abraham, I pray thee, now, command thy servant that he may no more be captain over the army in the hill-country. And Abraham did so. 44. And from that day John See of Mah- Rippozah appeared no more in the armies of Unculpsalm, yet did he keep his captainship ; for he said within himself, Abraham will not dare to take away my captainship for fear of the outlandish men, and the men who have no care for this nation, which are my followers. 45. And I shall wait, and peradventure my time will come, even as Phernandiwud's time came unto him, to declare the new gospel of peace when Abraham sent out Clement, the lawgiver, among his friends the Phiretahs. 46. So when the Tytchmen, and the Pahli- voos, and the outlandish men, and all they which had no thought except for the everlasting 17* 198 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. Niggah, and they who had turned against Abraham because he had not exalted their horn among the people, looked for a man to set up to be chosen chief ruler, 47. They said, Let us set up John See of Mah-Rippozah. 48. And when men asked, Why will ye set up John See of Mah-Rippozah? what hath he done that we can say, therefore he should be chosen? 49. He hath sat among our lawgivers, but he hath framed no law, neither hath he given any counsel. He hath commanded our armies, but he hath not led them to victory. He hath sought the westward path of our empire : but was it not found by Kit, the son of Kar? Why, therefore, should he be set up? 50. And the outlandish men, and the disap- pointed men, and the men who had no thought for the nation, could only answer and say : 51. He hath meddled with the everlasting Niggah before his time, not waiting to see the signs of the times as Abraham doth. But they said one to another. We will take vengeance upon Abraham, because he made John See of Mah-Rippozah take back his proclamation about the everlasting Niggah ; and moreover, Ver. 49. This Kit, the son of Kar, seems to have done very much for his country what Christopher Carson did for ours. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. I99 because he made him not captain over the armies of Pharjinnee instead of Lituhnak the Unready. And also John See saw that his time was come to be avenged upon Abraham. 52. So the outlandish men, and the disap- pointed men, and the men who had no thought for the langkie nation, but only for miscege nation, took counsel together with John See of Mah-Rippozah, to set him up to be chief ruler of the land of Unculpsalm. 53. And they wrote papers and signed their names thereunto, and sent them abroad through- out the land, calling upon the people to assem- ble themselves together and set up John See of Mah-Rippozah to be chosen chief ruler. 54. And they that signed the papers were Knowbuddee, Zwei-lager, Gnowb Oddy , Phites- midseegel and Runsm^^^dimdoo his brother, Phreduglee (which was uxi everlasting Niggah), Schnappsundpretzels, Nobe Odhee, EHzabeth who was surnamed Cadydid-an-cadydidnt, Gno Buddhee, Schnupftabak, Nohb Uddy, and cer- tain of the tribe of Xctzschtxyzcskj. Ver. 54. From the names in this passage it would seem that John See of Mah-Rippozah's following was almost entirely composed of outlandish men, and as the writer was plainly one of the extreme langkies, or native party, they receive very little consideration at his hands. It is impossible for even the most diligent seekers after parallels to find in these names any hints to serve their purpose ; but they profess to have discovered in them prototypes of General Siegel, Frederic Douglas, and Mrs. Elizabeth Cady Stan- ton. 200 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 55. And they hired scribes to write a book week by week, telHng the people that they should choose John See of Mah-Rippozah to be chief ruler, but chiefly, that they should not choose Abraham. And they called the name of the book No Nation ; for thus, they said, shall it be if we prosper. 56. Now when Pshawdee heard these things, he said within himself. Do I not desire that Litulmak shall be chosen that I may avenge myself upon Abraham, and moreover that the war may not be put an end to by Ulysses, but may continue, and I may again become one of the noble army of the Counteractors, and that the nation may be saved only by the Dimmichrats of my faction, and by the ministration of the new gospel of peace which was declared by Phernandiwud, my master ? 57. And he said unto the Kopur-hedds and the men of the sect of Smalphri among the Dim- michrats, and to the Phiretahs which dwelt in the north country, serving their master, Jeph the Repudiator : 58. Go to now, let us craftily set on these men to set up John See of Mah-Rippozah ; for so shall we divide the men who would give their voices against Litulmak, and who believe Ver. 55. No Nation. Brown, Jones, and even Robinson suspect corruption here, and would read New Nation ; but it is unsafe to disturb the original text. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 201 not in the new gospel of peace which was de- clared by Phernandiwud ; and it shall be that in the day when the chief ruler is chosen, Lit- ulmak will have more voices than either Abra- ham or John See of Mah-Rippozah. So shall we make the wrath fo our enemies to serve us. 59. And they did so. And Pshawdee and all they which like him were disciples of the new gospel of peace declared by Phernandi- wud, gave money unto the scribes which wrote the No Nation, and went about saying that the only man in the land of Unculpsalm who could save the land from being delivered over by Phernandiwud and his faction into the hands of Jeph the Repudiator was John See of Mah- Rippozah, and that the only nation which was worthy to live in that land was miscege nation. 202 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. CHAPTER V. 1. The Fairs in the land of Uncul;psahn. The great Fair in Gotham. lO. Jonaydics. I2. Pshaivdee seeketh to be one of the chief officers. 13. Sussah-ettee, Fuss-people. 22. The Eunuch kluhbb. 30 Pshaivdee seeketh to join himself unto the Eunuch kluhbb. 36. Augustus the money-changer. NOW it came to pass about these days, that the inhabitants of the north countr}^ of the land of Unculpsalm set up fairs in their towns and in their cities, and the gains thereof they gave unto them who ministered unto the sick and wounded in the armies. 2. For in the beginning, indeed, there were women who sought to sit by the bedsides of the sick and wounded, clad in white raiment, with vials of odors, and handkerchiefs of fine- twined linen, and fans in their hands, and to pour the odors upon the handkerchiefs, and to wash therewith the foreheads of the sick and wounded, and to fan them with their fans : so that at first to every man that was wounded there were many women with fans and hand- kerchiefs and vials of odors. 3. And of the women many were virgins well stricken in years. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 2O3 4. But SO it was that as the war went on, the number of the wounded soldiers increased, and the number of the women with vials of odors and with handkerchiefs and with fans in their hands diminished. Likewise it was found that men wounded in battle needed other mini jura- tion. 5. Therefore certain men joined themselves together to minister to the wounded in the bat- tle where they fell, and to take them from the battle into houses to minister to them there. And it was unto the men who had thus joined themselves together that the gains of the fairs were given. 6. And there was a great fair in Gotham. And of all the fairs which were given in those , days in the land of Unculpsalm, or which had been given theretofore, or which shall be given hereafter throughout all the world, the Great Fair of Gotham was the greatest fair. 7. And all the people in Gotham and in the country round about, even in Jahrzee, which Heth on the other side of the great river, the river Hutzoon, and which men say is not within the land of Unculpsalm ; the men and the women, the young men and the maidens, the old men and the children ; the merchants and the artificers, and the workers in gold and in iron ; the ship- men, and all them which handle the oar ; the carpenters, and they that hewed stone, and 204 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. they that tilled the ground; the singing-men and the singing-women, and all they that were cunning with their hands to make needle-work of divers colors on both sides ; and the Scribes, and the Pharisees, and the Phyarmen, and the virgins well stricken in years, joined them- selves together in the Great Fair of Gotham. 8. And only they withheld themselves which were Kopur-hedds, and wished well unto the Phiretahs. 9. And there were fourscore officers of men and of women in this fair, and the chief officer was Jonaydics, who was also high captain in Gotham and in all the country roundabout, and beyond Boss-town unto the farthest boundaries of the land of Unculpsalm as thou goest north- ward, even unto Ouaydow Neest. 10. And Jonaydics was a learned man, and a man of wisdom and of courage ; and when the Phiretahs first lifted up the standard of re- volt, and while the Phlunkees were compro- mising themselves yet more unto them, and Phernandiwud crawled on his belly before Robert of Jahrji who dwelt among the tombs, Jonaydics, being then chief treasurer, had commanded one of his officers that if any man should pull down the banner of the land of Unculpsalm he should be put to death upon the spot. And Jonaydics had been a Dimmichrat, but not after the order of Phernandiwud. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 205 11. Wherefore Jonaydics was held in honor throughout all the land of Unculpsalm which was not in the hands of the Phiretahs ; and especially was he held in honor in the city of Gotham. 12. Now Pshawdee, although he cared not for the soldiers, except to furnish them with meat that stank in their nostrils and raiment that covered not their nakedness, sought dili- gently to become one of the chief officers of the Great Fair in Gotham. And the reason of his seeking was this ; 13. In the city of Gotham there was an order of men and women which called themselves Sussah-ettee, and the people which belonged thereunto were called Fuss-people. 14. And most of them were of the tribe of Phung Uz, and many of them were rich. And they set much by themselves because they were Sussah-ettee. 15. And among themselves they could say Ver. 14. This tribe of Phung Uz, although ephemeral, seems to have been very ancient in its origin. Job, the Chaldean, dwelt in the land of Uz; but manifestly he was not of this tribe. Sussah-ettee was, however, doubtless es- tablished, even at that remote period, for one of his kins- men is recorded as having said to him, "We are the peo- ple ; " and this doctrine is the cardinal one in that orders His kinsmen, too, were plainly Fuss-people — at least we may be sure that he so regarded them. They were doubt- less also of the sect of Olephogees afterward mentioned. This sect has not yet disappeared from the earth. 18 206 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. nothing worse of any others than that they were not Sussah-ettee ; yet no man could tell wherein they differed which were Sussah-ettee from many which were not. 1 6. For so it was that there were those (yet were they few) that were Sussah-ettee, and that were not of the tribe of Phung Uz, and there were many that were rich that were not Sussah-ettee. So that no man which was not himself Sussah-ettee could distinguish in the matter. 17. Nevertheless, great multitudes sought nothing else day or night but to be Sussah- ettee ; and they bowed themselves down unto them which they thought were Sussah-ettee, and they looked with scorn upon those which they thought were not. And each of them which strove to be Sussah-ettee also endeavored to pre- vent the others from becoming Sussah-ettee ; 18. For he said within himself, In what shall I be better than my neighbor, if he who has been my companion these many years shall also become Sussah-ettee? 19. And there was Sussah-ettee in the other cities and towns of the land of Unculpsalm, in Boss-town, in Coo-acre city, and even in the city of Swine-sin-naughty. Nay, is it not written that in the villages, and in the alms- houses, and in the very prisons, they did set up the order of Sussah-ettee ? THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 207 20. Now Pshavvdee, when he had grown rich and dwelt in Gotham, sought diligently to be- come Sussah-ettee. And he made great feasts in his house with music and dancing, and his chambers were filled with light, and with the noise of minstrels, and his tables were covered with vessels of gold and with vessels of silver, so that there were no feasts so sumptuous as the feasts of Pshawdee. 21. And many went to these feasts; and some of them were of the tribe of Phung Uz, and some were of the noble army of Counter- actors. But Pshawdee thought within himself that they were not Sussah-ettee. 22. Wherefore Pshawdee said, I must join myself unto the Eunuch-kluhbb, and then shall I become Sussah-ettee. 23. For in Gotham the synagogues in which men gathered together to worship according to the order of Sussah-ettee, were called kluhbbs ; and the Eunuch-kluhbb was the chief of all these in Gotham, because in it there were gath- ered together more of the sect of the Olepho- gees. And not many of the Olephogees be of the tribe of Phung Uz. 24. Now, this synagogue was not called the Eunuch-kluhbb because the men therein were eunuchs indeed. For in the beginning it was called the Eunyun-kluhbb ; and it did profess 208 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. great love unto the land and the government of Unculpsaim. 25. But it came to pass that there was a man of the circumcision, whose .name was Judah, who joined himself unto this synagogue ; and he was of the tribe of Benjamin. And he dwelt in the south country, in a city on the borders of the Father of Waters. And he was not Tshivulree ; for they of the circumcision are never Tshivulree, but he was a Phiretah. 26. And when the standard of revolt was set up against the government of Unculpsaim, this circumcised Phiretah became one of the chief counsellors of Jeph the Repudiator. 27. Wherefore certain of them which were of the Eunyun-kluhbb said, Let us now straightway put out this Judah, because he Ver. 25. This passage would seem to show that the au- thor wrote before the Babylonish captivity, after which the tribe of Benjamin ceased to exist. The statement that they of the circumcision are never Tshivulree reveals an ac- quaintance with the character of the Orientals of anti- quity, as it is revealed to us in the earliest authorities. For the Tshivulree seem to have been an exaggeration, a sort of caricature of gentlemen; and it is remarkable that in all the Hebrew Scriptures, intimate as are their revelations of character and multitudinous as are the personages with whom they make us acquainted, there are only three who can be called gentlemen,— Joseph, Esau, and Jonathan. Joseph in his behavior to his brothers, and in his conduct in Pharaoh's house, and Esau in his relations to that mean- est of mortals, Jacob, showed themselves eminently gentle- THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 2O9 rebelleth against the government of Uncul- psalm, and seeketh to destroy this nation. 28. But the others answered and said, Not so. For here we do worship Sussah-ettee ; and what is it to Sussah-ettee whether the gov- ernment of Unculpsalm be cast down, and the nation destroyed, and the land divided, or no? 29. And they that said thus were many, and the others were very few. So Judah was not put out. Wherefore, and because that the men of the Eunyun held themselves aloof from the Great Fair of Gotham, the people said. Let this kluhbb no more be called the Eunyun but the Eunuch ; for the love of these men for the land of Unculpsalm bringeth forth nothing. 30. Then Pshawdee, who was called Pshalm- ur, when he returned to Gotham, sought to be one of the Eunuch-kluhbb. And they that were already of it considered the matter and said. Let us receive this Pshalmur among us, for he is rich. But some said, He is of the tribe of Phung Uz, and he seeketh secretly to destroy this government. 31 . And when no man hearkened unto them, and the other were about to receive him, Tiph- phunnee said unto one of them, 32. Know ye whom ye are about to choose. This Pshalmur is Pshawdee, who is the son of Kaudphyssh, which the Bidhee, his concubine, 18* 2IO THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. bore unto him, and who was one of the coun- cillors of Gotham. 23' Then, although they had cared not that Judah had revolted, and were about to receive Pshawdee although he was of the tribe of Phung Uz and was a Kopur-hedd, they all gave their voices against him, because he was the son of a Bihdee, which was concubine, and because he had been one of the councillors of Gotham. 34. So Pshawdee was not received into the Eunuch-kluhbb. And when the Great Fair was set up he said. Now will I offer to give largely of my substance unto the fair, and then they will make me one of the chief officers thereof, and I shall be one of the Fuss-people, and peradventure I may even become Sussah- ettee. 35. But although he promised to give largely of his substance, Pshawdee was not made one of the chief officers ; for they said. The people will give us money ; and it is better for us even that our chief officers should be without money Ver. 33. I would willingly believe either that this pas- sage has been tampered with by transcribers or that it is deformed by that spirit of party which sometimes appears in this work. Otherwise it would be impossible to believe that these men of the Eunuch-kluhbb were not all sons of Psnawb and brothers of Pshawdee; which fact is not men- tioned by the author. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 211 than without honor, or that the root of this matter should not be found in them. 26. And Augustus the money-changer sought also to be one of the chief officers of the fair. For he said, Behold now the Kopur-hedds stink in the nostrils of this people like unto the flesh of the unclean beast which Pshawdee giveth unto the soldiers ; and the men who are chief officers are men who from the beginning have not compromised themselves unto the Phiretahs ; wherefore, if I be received among them, the people will forget that I was one of them that took counsel together to raise up a faction in the city and in the province of Gotham to resist the government of Unculpsalm and to help the Phiretahs. 37. But the men who were already chief officers said. We will not have this time-server and men-pleaser among us. Nor shall he make of us which are whole a cloak unto his leprosy. 212 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. CHAPTER VI. I. PsJiaivdee seeketh again to become Sussah-ettee. 3. Cer- taiti men counsel the Fuss-women to buy no more sumpt- uous a;pparel. 6. A-phrite and Adhoivdee. 17. The ivomen assemble in the hall of Peter the Barrebnaker. 23. There is a division a^nong them. 30. The ivife of Pshaivdee. 33. Nah Polion is tvise in his generation. AND Pshawdee sought yet again to make it seem that he was Sussah-ettee. For after the fair had come to an end (and it was a Great Fair, and the officers thereof paid unto the sick and the wounded of the host of Unculpsalm a milHon and two hundred thousand pieces of silver), the women which had been officers thereof said one to another, 2. What shall we do that we may not sud- denly pass away from before the eyes of this people, and that we ourselves may not sink under the burden of this quiet which falleth upon us, now that there is no longer a fair in Gotham ? Ver. 2. The scholiast would have it that it was from the fact that these women were oppressed bj quiet that they derived their name of Fuss-women or Fuss-people? whj, who can discover? But modern critics suggest that Fuss is a corruption of First. Dr. Trite ingeniously attempts to reconcile both these views. The question is one that I shall not attempt to unravel. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 21 3 3. And certain men said unto them, Behold, now the people of Unculpsalm need all their money for the war that is in the land ; yet do they pay unto the Pahlivoos and unto the men of Jonbool thousands of thousands of pieces of gold every month ; and of this ye know well how large a part is paid for sumptuous apparel ; for silk and for broidered work, and for fine-twined linen like unto the spider's web, and for jewels and precious stones, and for head-tires. 4. Come now, therefore, join yourselves to- gether and ask all the women of Gotham and the country round about to join themselves unto you, and pledge yourselves solemnly one to another in the hall of Peter who is called the Barrelmaker, that ye will not buy any more silken raiment and broidered work of the Pah- livoos, neither fine-twined hnen like unto the spider's web from the men of Jonbool ; but that until this war is ended ye will buy only that raiment and stufi* which is made in this land, even in the land of Unculpsalm. So shall not your memory perish from the land, and the Gothamites be kept in mind that ye are Fuss- people. 5. Then were the countenances of the wo- men cast down, and their hearts sank within them. 6. And they answered and said. Truly we 214 ^^^ ^^^ GOSPEL OF PEACE. will talk and busy ourselves, and write writings, and call together assemblies, about this matter; but as to the thing which ye ask us to do, shall we for the whole land of Unculpsalm make ourselves look each one like unto Aphrite and like unto Adhowdee ! 7. Now Aphrite and Adhowdee were evil spirits, in fear of which the women of the land of Unculpsalm lived continually ; and they feared nothing so much as to look like unto the one or the other. 8. Yet did no woman ever see these spirits save in the flesh or the apparel of some other woman ; and most often one of her friends and acquaintance. Ver. 7. The evil spirit Aphrite seems to have been the same that is mentioned in another verj w^idely known though much inferior work, also Oriental in its origin. The Thousand and One Nights, under the name Ephreet or Ephrite. The slight difference in spelling is of no mo- ment. This Ephreet or Ephrite is described as having his head in the clouds, his head like a dome, his hands like pitchforks, a mouth like a cavern, teeth like stones, nostrils like trumpets, ejes like lamps, and legs like masts. Surely a woman might well be anxious not to look like this spirit, and if she did, would be certain not to find favor in the eyes of men. But what do the female intelligences of this enlightened country and this advanced age, care for that? To the evil spirit Adhowdee, I can find no other allusion ; but a female critic, upon this passage, believes that this potent fiend was let loose upon earth immediately upon the Fall, and appeared to Eve as she sewed together the first fig-leaves. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 215 9. And when a woman saw that her friend was possessed of one of these spirits, she said, Lo, she looketh Hke unto Aphrite or Hke unto Adhowdee, and she rejoiced in her heart, al- though she mourned outwardly ; for so it was that every woman could see that her neighbor was like unto Aphrite or Adhowdee, but could not see the same likeness in herself; and she thought within herself, Behold, she hath this evil spirit and therefore I have it not, and I am glorified in her calamity. 10. And when a woman found not favor in the eyes of men they said. She is Aphrite ; but when her raiment provoked the scorn of women, they said. She is Adhowdee ; and they believed that there was no charm where- with to cast out the evil spirit Adhowdee from a woman, save silken raiment made after the manner of the Pahlivoos. 11. And because they feared more to look like unto Adhowdee than like unto Aphrite (for they knew that a woman might not seem to a man like unto Aphrite, although she had on only one linen garment) , therefore was it that the countenances of the Fuss-women fell, and that their hearts sank within them. 12. But the men, seeing their perplexity, said unto them. Why are ye cast down, and why do your hearts fail you? For behold, now, we do not ask that ye should pledge yourselves 2l6 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. one to another not to wear raiment from the land of the Pahhvoos, and from the land of Jonbool. God forbid that we should ask the women of our Fuss-people to do such a thing. 13. Have ye not all of you, ye, your friends and acquaintances, laid up for yourselves treasures of silken apparel and head-tires and fine-twined linen, which are enough for you to wear throughout this war ; yea, even if it should continue yet five years longer ! We ask ye not that ye shall not go in attire from the land of the Pahlivoos and of Jonbool, but that ye shall not buy the same. 14. And for all the women who are not Fuss- people, and who furnished you the substance of your Great Fair, but were not officers of the same, and who, because they are not rich, have not laid up for themselves treasures of silken raiment and fine linen and of jewels, when they have pledged themselves unto you not to buy soft clothing made in the land of the Pah- livoos, and when that which they have is worn out, let them go in common raiment made by the hands of langkies in the land of Uncul- psalm. 15. And when the Fuss-women heard of ap- parel made by langkies in the land of Uncul- psalm they became pale, and seemed as if they would vanish away ; but when they considered the matter, and remembered each one of them THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 21 7 that it was not she who should wear it, the thing pleased them, and they consented to it. 16. And they sent out a writing ; and they signed the writing, saying unto the women of Gotham, Assemble yourselves together at the hall of Peter who is called the Barrel-maker, and let us pledge ourselves one to another that we will buy no more silken raiment, neither head-tires from the land of the Pahlivoos, nor fine-twined linen like unto the spider's web, from the land of Jonbool, nor jewels of gold nor precious stones from other lands, while this war lasteth. 17. And the women came and filled the hall of Peter the Barrel-maker, so that it was full of the rustle of garments and the murmur of voices, as when a soft wind moveth the trees of the forest. 18. And the women who had been chief officers of the fair were set upon an high place, and they were clad in gorgeous raiment, and wore marvellous head-tires upon their heads, so that the men looked at them in wonder and the women with envy ; and they said. There have not been such head-tires made in the land of Unculpsalm, neither shall be. 19. But there were few men suffered in that assembly. And one of them they made presi- dent. And he was a goodly man and a courte- ous. And after Peter the Barrel-maker had 2l8 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. made an oration unto them, the president read the writing and declared the covenant unto the assembly. 20. And he asked their voices upon it. And many gave their voices for it. But when he asked again, there were many more that gave their voices against it. 21 . Whereupon the president and the women which had been chief officers of the fair were astonished, and knew not what to do. And the president said unto the assembly, Ye do not rightly in giving your voices against the writing. For behold, these women at whose call ye are assembled together, and which have signed the writing, are Fuss-people, and they looked not that any should speak against that which it seemed good unto them to do ; neither becometh it you to speak, except for it; and for this only were ye gathered together. 22. Then did he ask their voices again ; and again there were more voices against the writ- ing than for it, and there was confusion and perplexity upon the high place. And there began to be an uproar in the assembly ; and certain women therein lifted up their voices against the women upon the high place, saying, 23. Wherefore have ye brought us into this place to deceive us ? and why is it that ye have thus dealt with us ? Think ye to THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 219 blind us to the pride and the naughtiness of your hearts ? 24. For indeed, now, it would be a good thing that we should keep in this land all the gold and the silver which the women spend for sumptuous apparel ; and we would gladly sign a writing with you and pledge ourselves one to another to wear no garments made in the land of the Pahlivoos and in the land of Jonbool, from this time forth until the w'ar is ended. 25. But think ye that we see not that ye promise only not to buy this raiment, or that we know not that ye have laid up for yourselves treasure of silken apparel, and collars of fine- twined linen, and head-tires marvellous to be- hold, and jewels of gold and precious stones enough for many years, and that ye make no covenant with us not to wear this raiment? 26. Yea, verily, and we know that ye will wear it ; and that when we who have not laid up treasures must needs buy other raiment, if we sign this writing and make this covenant we must buy raiment made by langkies in the land of Unculpsalm ; and that while we see you arrayed in sumptuous apparel, we shall look each one of us like unto Aphrite or like unto Adhowdee. 27. Think ye that we will do this because ye are Fuss-people? No, not for the whole land of Unculpsalm. Come down therefore among us if ye would serve this land, and keep the 220 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. gold and silver within its borders, and do as ye would make us do, and become each one of you like unto Aphrite and Adhowdee ; else will we not hearken unto you. 28. Then the women upon the high place were dismayed, and their knees knocked to- gether like Belshazzar's ; and they said one to another, Are we even as the simple ones that we should do this thing? But some of them waxed wroth and said. It is the men, it is Solomon the Chief Treasurer, and Hiram, whose surname is Bah Gnee, his minister, who sitteth at the receipt of custom, who have coun- selled these women, and have brought this con- fusion upon us. 29. And the saying found favor in the eyes of the women ; and they thrust all the men out of the assembly. And they set the women who refused to sign the writing at naught, and made a covenant that was right in their own e3^es. 30. Now the wife of Pshawdee had sought to join herself unto these women ; for she said, Then shall my name be written upon the writ- Ver. 28. Solomon the Chief Treasurer was removed from his treasurership by Abraham and afterward made Chief Judge in the land of Unculpsalm ; and Hiram no longer sat at the receipt of custom. His successor was Simeon, a goodly man, whose tongue is said to have been like oil and who was wise in his generation. He had also been Chief Almoner of the city of Gotham, in the chronicles of which these facts are recorded. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 221 ings, and men will see that I too am one of the Fuss-people, and may become Sussah-ettee. And at first the women would not suffer her. But after these things they said one to another, Behold, now, we shall need some one who is not Sussah-ettee to appear with us in this mat- ter. 31. So they suffered her. And after these things they fled each one of them into the far country, some into the mountains and others to the sea-side, and were no more seen in Gotham. 32. And Nah Pohlion, the king of the Pah- livoos, was told of what these women had done. And he that told him said. Will not my lord make war upon these langkies whose women seek to take bread out of the mouths of the ser- vants of my lord, and to bring his kingdom to destruction ? 33. And Nah Polion answered and said. Not so ; neither is my spirit troubled by these cove- nants. When these Fuss-women of Gotham do no longer wear the silk and the jewels and fine- twined linen, but apparel themselves in raiment Ver. 33. According to the scholiast, tradition says that Nah Pohlion was right, and that the Fuss-women of Go- tham neither imposed this covenant upon the other women, nor ceased to wear the gorgeous raiment made in the land of the Pahlivoos, but that on the contrary they made themselves more glorious therein than ever before. See also Book IV., Chap, xii., verses 21, 22. 19* 222 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. made by langkies in the land of Unculpsalm, then shall I consider the matter, even though they make no covenant. 34. For he was wise in his generation ; and he had sojourned in the land of Unculpsalm. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 223 CHAPTER VII. I. TJie Armies of Unculfsalm. 2. JepJi seeket/i to terrify them. 5. A Phiretah Captain attacketh a fort. 9. A7id ministereth the New Gospel of Peace to the Niggahs that are therein. 18. Pshawdee and certain Officers of Unculpsalm compromise themselves unto the Phiretaks. 24. Ulysses and George the Med e inarch upon the chief city of the EpJiephvees. 28. The Battle in the Wilder- ness. 31. Ulysses circumventeth Robbutleeh. 34. Pri- mus and Assohkald Edditah publish a false proclamation. 42. Abraham giveth his enemies another martyr. 47. Abraham speakcth in parables. 60. Raphael, the cap- tain of a Phiretah ship, blotveth his trumpet. 69. But he and the men of Jonbool are discomfited. NOW these things happened about the spring-time of the year. And the days drew nigh when the armies of Unculpsalm should march against the armies of Jeph the Repudiator-. 2. And Jeph said, Behold, now, before they march upon me, I will strike terror into these langkies and into the Niggahs, whom they are fighting to set free, and whom they suffer to fight under their banner. I will minister the new gospel of peace unto them even as my friends the Kopur-hedds and the Pahdees min- istered it unto them in Gotham. 3. And he sent one of his chief captains with 224 ^^^ NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. an army of three thousand men against a fort that stood by the Father of the Waters. And there were only six hundred fighting men in that fort ; and three hundred and fifty of these were Ethiopians, even Niggahs, which had never drawn the sword. 4. And the captain of the Phiretahs marched against the fort, and sent a trumpet before him, saying to him whom commanded the fort. Let there be peace between us while I shew thee that it will be better for thee to give thyself into my hands. But he would not. And while there was peace, the Phiretah captain marched his army into a better vantage. 5. Then he fought against the men of Un- culpsalm ; but he prevailed not, for the fort was strong. And again he sent a trumpet, saying, Let there be peace, as aforetime. And while there was peace he marched his army again into a vantage ground, and placed it around the fort on all sides. 6. And again he fought, and his men climbed over the wall into the fort, because there were not men enough within to line the wall. Ver. 3. In the margin of the manuscript, it is written, in a hand like that of the original, " and this fort was called after the name of a Phiretah captain, which, when he was in Mecsi- cho, builded a fort, dug the ditch inside the walls thereof." But how does this guide us who know not the name of the captain? Robinson, a frivolous critic, suggests that the whole affair was only another pillow case : trivial and quibbling conjecture. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 225 7. And when the men of Unculpsahn saw that they were too few, they submitted and laid down their weapons. And then they thought that there was peace. 8. But when the Phiretahs saw that these men had submitted and laid down their weap- ons, and that they themselves were many and strong, and that the others were few and feeble, they said, Now let us minister the new gospel of peace unto these langkies and unto the Nig- gahs which do fight under their banner, that we may show them that we are Tshivulree, and that we mean that peace shall spread her wings under our banner. 9. Then they fell upon the Niggahs as they stood in their ranks without weapons, and slew them as they stood ; for they were Tshivulree. 10. And they shot at them as they fled, and as they lay wounded upon the ground. 11. And they put to death the langkies which were with them, even the soldiers and the offi- cers which had submitted and given up their weapons. 12. And they slew the women of the Nig- gahs and their children. 13. And they set on fire the house in which lay the sick and the wounded ; and when one that was wounded asked for water, they gave him fire. 14. And they threw the bodies into the water 226 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. and into the fire ; and they threw into the fire some that were Hving, and some that were Hv- ing they buried ; and all this they did for be- cause that they were Tshivulree. 15. And few men fell fighting on that day; but of the six hundred not fifty were left alive. 16. For thus do the Tshivulree and the Pah- dees which serve them minister the new gospel of peace. 17. And on the same day when these things were done, certain of the captains of the Tshiv- ulree went down to a boat which was by the shore of the river nigh unto the fort ; and there were certain men of Unculpsalm in the boat, and Pshavvdee was also among them. 18. For Pshawdee had gone down upon the Father of the Waters to buy merchandise and get gain. 19. And when the captains of the Tshivulree entered into the boat, Pshawdee and they that were with him bowed down themselves unto them, and said unto them. It is very good and gracious of our lords that they visit their ser- vants, although their servants are langkies and men of Unculpsalm. What are we, and what have we done that our lords should visit us, and show us the light of their countenance ? And they compromised themselves unto them. 20. And they made haste, and set on bread before them, and poured out wine unto them, THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 227 and they ate and drank with them, while the blood of the Niggahs and of their own brethren was upon their hands. And when they drank, they bowed themselves down and compromised themselves. 21. This did Pshawdee and they that were with him; for they said within themselves, When the war is over and there is peace again in the land, the Phiretahs and the Tshivulree may be serviceable unto us, and we shall get gain by them, and have places in the govern- ment. 22. And Jeph the Repudiator and the Tshiv- ulree looked that the langkies should be struck with terror, and that they would cease to re- ceive the Niggahs into their armies. But it came to pass that the langkies were more than ever set upon subduing the Phiretahs. And the very Niggahs, which had been from gene- ration to generation under the yoke, were not struck with terror, but from that time looked for the day when they should take vengeance for their brethren. 23. Now Robbutleeh had gathered together a mighty host in Pharjinnee, and he had filled that country with forts and with strong places, and had cast up mounds upon the roads, and he lay in wait for Ulysses and George the Mede, and for the army of Unculpsalm. 24. And in the spring-time, even in the 228 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. month when the men and the women of Gotham were used to seize their household stuff and flee, each one of them out of the house in which he was into another ; Ulysses who was called Unculpsalm and George the Mede marched southward. And they crossed the rapid river which is called after the name of Anna, the queen of the land of Jonbool. 25. And when they reached the wilderness of Pharjinnee which lieth south of that river, Robbutleeh came out of his stronghold and marched to meet them. 26. For that wilderness was a howling wil- Ver. 24. The singular custom recorded in this passage seems to have been peculiar to the people of Gotham even among the inhabitants of the land of Unculpsalm. No trace of the custom has been discovered in the history of any other nation, nor has any reason or even any cause for it been brought to light. It has been conjectured that it was part of the wisdom of the three wise men of Gotham before referred to in these comments. On the other hand some have supposed that it originated in the circumstance that the first woman of Gotham had such an aversion to soap, water, and brooms, that her house was never invaded by them, and that this continuing until the consequences became no longer tolerable even to her she gathered up her household stuff and fled to another house which she had built, meantime, setting her old house on fire as she left it, and that this happened on the ist of May, which was observed after that time by an initiative commemora- tion of her Ilegira on the part of the women of Gotham, and also by the burning of old beds in the street, and even of houses at that time of the year, and, indeed, at many others. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 229 derness, and full of snares and thickets, and marshes and quagmires, so that horsemen might not fight therein, neither any engine of war be used therein. And there were hills behind which Robbutleeh could march, and only he and his officers knew the way through the snares and the thickets and the quag- mires. 27. Wherefore Robbutleeh said, I shall drive Ulysses and George the Mede back straightway, even as I drove out Joseph of Kalaphorni, and put them to the sword; for in this place one man can do more to keep back than five to make way. 28. And he fell upon the army of Uncul- psalm furiously, and the armies fought together all that day, and neither prevailed. And the next day, or ere the sun had risen, Ulysses and George the Mede fell upon Robbutleeh. And the battle lasted all the second day. And thrice did Robbutleeh gather his army together in one place to break through the ranks of Unculpsalm ; but he prevailed not. And they fought again in the evening of this day ; and when the battle was over, the armies of Unculpsalm had not gone one foot back- ward, but still faced the Phiretahs, and pressed forward against them. 29. And the armies fought hand to hand, and neither the great engines of war nor the 20 230 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. horsemen could come into the battle. And there fell in those three days of the men of Unculpsalm, fifteen thousand, and of the Phi- retahs there fell twelve thousand. 30. And when Robbutleeh saw this, and that the men of Unculpsalm still pressed for- ward, and that of his men which were fallen more were killed than wounded, he saw that he could not destroy Ulysses in the wilderness, but that he might be destroyed there himself; and he marched backward in the night time, and entered into one of his strong places. And in the morning Ulysses marched after him. And he attacked Robbutleeh in his strong place, and prevailed against him, and took captive two thousand soldiers, and two of his great officers, and many engines of war, and many banners. Yet was Robbutleeh not ut- terly discomfited ; for he was in a strong place. And he drew his army closer together to make himself stronger. 31. Then did Ulysses feign that he would attack Robbutleeh in his strong place, but he marched past him craftily in the night, and in the morning when Robbutleeh looked, lo, there was peril that Ulysses would fall upon him from behind. So he made haste and marched backward by a shorter road. And as Ulysses was crossing another river called after Anna, Robbutleeh fought against him on the banks THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 23I of the river ; but Ulysses crossed the river in the face of Robbutleeh ; and Robbutleeh went backward before him, and crossed yet a third river called after Anna, and encamped in another strong place. 32. And Ulysses, waiting craftily until he saw that Robbutleeh was well encamped in his strong place on the south side of the third river, marched backward in the night over the second river, and downward along its banks swiftly, until he was over against the chief city of the Phiretahs. 33. And again Robbutleeh looked, and behold, he was in peril of Ulysses coming in behind him, and between him and his chief city, and cutting him off from food for his men and provender for his horses. And he marched backward yet a third time, and went into the city. And when Ulysses had shut him up within the city, the Phiretahs said that Robbutleeh had put Ulysses just where he wished him to be. 34. And in these days two scribes, which were apostles of the new gospel of peace, Primus who dwelt among the merchants, and Assohkald Eddittah, who to gain the World had lost his own soul, published a procla- mation, signed with the name of Abraham and of his chief counsellor, saying, 35. That the warfare of Ulysses had come 232 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. to naught, and that the people should fast in sack-cloth and ashes, and that there was need for four hundred thousand more men for the armies of Unculpsalm. 36. Now the proclamation was a false proc- lamation, and nevertheless were the people much cast down by it, for they knew not that it was false ; and the money-changers got great gains thereby. 37. And Abraham saw that the matter was weighty ; and he said unto Jonaydics, Go now and seize these men and their houses, and their writings, that it may be known who hath done this wickedness. And afterwards, be- cause he was compassionate, and because the men were of small account, he said. Let the scribes go free, but keep their houses and their writings, that no evidence may be de- stroyed. 38. But it was found that the proclamation was written by another scribe to deceive all the scribes in Gotham, but that all of them were careful not to publish it, except only Primus and Assohkald Eddittah. And when this was shown imto Abraham, he said. Ye are guilty in that ye were not more careful ; but take your houses and your books and your writings again. I know that hereafter as heretofore ye will revile me daily ; but what is that to me? Go in peace. But for that which THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 233 ye have already suffered, it is no more than ye ought to suffer because that by your careless- ness ye did so mislead and afflict the people. 39. Then the other scribes, that they might magnify their office, and that their craft might not be in danger and set at naught, wrote in their books against Abraham, saying that he ought not to have seized upon Primus and Assohkald Eddittah, and their houses, and their writings. 40. But, except the Kopur-hedds and the followers of John See of Mah-Rippozah, all the people said. Amen. 41. And straightway Primus and Assohkald Eddittah began again to revile Abraham, saying daily that he was a traitor and a tyrant and one that sought to grind the people to powder, and defy the Great Covenant, and destroy the nation ; but chiefly they did declare that he was an oppressor, because that he would suffer no man to speak or to write evil of him. 42. And again Abraham ministered occasion unto his enemies. For there came a man from Kewbah who had sold an hundred and fifty Niggahs that were free into bondage, for his own profit, although he was an officer ap- pointed by the queen of that country, to pre- vent the bringing of Niggahs to be sold there. And after he had received the money, he fled to the land of Unculpsalm. 20* 234 '^^^ NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 43. And the Qiieen of Kewbah sent an ambassador unto Abraham, saying, Give me this man that he may be judged according to the law of his own country. And Abraham sent officers and took the man, and gave him to the queen. 44. And thereupon the Kopur-hedds, and the disappointed men, and Pshawdee, and all of his sort, yea, verily, and even the men also which cared only for the everlasting Niggah, said, Behold, Abraham hath given us another martyr. Four had we before, and now a fifth is vouchsafed unto us. For to Clement the lawgiver, Abraham hath added Primus and Assohkald Eddittah, the scribes, John See of Mah-Rippozah, and this Niggah-stealer from Kewbah. 45. And they sought to stir up the people, saying. Hath not this land hitherto been a refuge for the oppressed and an asylum for them which were persecuted by the kings of the earth? And now this man of Kewbah hath only stolen one hundred and fifty Niggahs and sold them into slavery, and the queen of that land seeketh to oppress and to persecute him by bringing him before judges to be tried by the law ; and Abraham giveth him a pris- oner into her hands. Alas ! who shall com- fort us? for now have we seen the day of our humiliation. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 235 46. But the people said, How are we humil- iated? And as for this man, is it not rather he which is an oppressor? Yea, verily, and by the laws of all lands is he an outcast and worse than a murderer. And shall our banner be a refuge and our land an asylum for such as these ? 47. And it was told unto Abraham that the Kopur-hedds and the outlandish men, and the men that thought only of the everlasting Nig- gah, had joined themselves together to judge him in this matter. And Abraham said. Be- hold now this remindeth me of a parable. (For he often spake in parables ; and the people said. He learneth these parables of Eumun Aytsher and Kawmunz Entz, his famil- iar spirits ;) but others called them Eumah and Muthah-ouit. 48. A certain man had a large household which was at strife within itself. And some of the members said. We will no longer be of this household ; but we will depart, and we will destroy the house and the barns and the buildings, and will divide the household stuff and carry off our part thereof, so that there shall no longer be the same household. 49. Now, these were all of one mind. But the remainder were at strife among themselves ; and it was chiefly about the manner of serving and the payment and receipt of money, and 236 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. the treatment of strangers ; and some said one thing and some another. 50. Then the master of that household said, What shall I do? I will withstand them that would destroy the household, but I must also reconcile the remainder one with another, else I cannot do the former thing, and we shall all perish. 5 1 . And he did so ; and he withstood the de- stroyers, and day by day he reconciled some of the remainder one with another ; and they that were reconciled held up his hands. But the others said. Not so ; for we will not have this household reconciled, except the serving and the money and the treatment of strangers be as it seems good unto us ; and these hated each other day by day more and more, and feared more and more that they should be reconciled. And they each sought to cast out the master of the household ; but they could not. 52. But it came to pass that on a certain day they said one to another. Come, let us forget our enmity for a certain time that we may join together to cast out the master of the household, that when he is cast out, we may contend without let or hindrance, and that this household may be no more afflicted with recon- ciliation. 53. Which now, therefore, think ye most loved that household, the master thereof and THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 237 they that were reconciled, or they that would not be reconciled, and that sought to cast out him that would reconcile them ? And which think ye would prevail against the other, they that were all of one mind, or the remainder that were at strife among themselves? 54. And Ulysses, after he had threatened to take the chief city of the Ephephvees from the north side thereof, marched suddenly to the river called Djeemz, and attacked the city upon the south side. 55. Then said all the men who would have had Litulmak the Unready made chief ruler, Lo, Ulysses doeth that which Litulmak hath done before him. (For Litulmak had also marched to the Djeemz, with Robbutleeh hard after him.) And they glorified the wisdom of Litulmak. 56. And it was told unto Abraham that the Knsuvvutivs and the Kopur-hedds said thus. And Abraham answered and said, They speak truly ; for both Litulmak and Ulysses did go from the north side of the city of the Epheph- vees unto the river Djeemz. And this remind- eth me of another little parable. Ver. 53. Abraham's parable is not without applicability to recent events in our own country. We may see among ourselves a certain faction which will not be reconciled with the others unless they may rule the household entirely ac- cording to their own notions. To them the questions of this verse may well be put. 238 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 57. Two men entered into an house; but they entered it not together. And both of these men went out of that house ; but they also went not out together. 58. And the first was thrust out by the neck and shoulders, and was beaten until he was half dead. But the last went out because he would go, and they that were in the house were not able either to stay him or to follow him. 59. Judge ye now, therefore, which of these men was like unto Litulmak, and which was like unto Ulysses. 60. Now certain of the men of Jonbool, ship- men, had builded great ships for Jeph the Repudiator, ships of war. And they had put on them great engines of war made in the land of Jonbool ; and the sailors and the fighting men therein were men of Jonbool. 61. And to be captain of the chiefest of these ships Jeph sent one named Raphael (not the angel.) 62. Yet like the angel Gabriel did he blow a trumpet; but it was his own trumpet. For after the manner of the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs, he was a boaster. 63. And sailing over the seas to the four corners of the earth, this Raphael did nothing but seize and burn the ships belonging to the merchants of the land of Unculpsalm, and THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 239 blow his own trumpet in the land of Jonbool and in the land of the Pahlivoos. 64. But he fled from the ships which Abra- ham sent out over the seas to search for him ; and as he fled, he burned and destroyed them which could not fight with him, and blew his trumpet, and the echoes thereof were heard in the land of Jonbool and of the Pahlivoos. 65. And at the last one of the ships of Unculpsalm which had searched for him a long time and found him not, overtook him in a haven in the land of the Pahlivoos over against the land of Jonbool, as thou goest down to the great sea. And the captain of the ship lay in wait for Raphael to do battle with him. 66. And Raphael saw that he could no longer flee. Then he blew his trumpet, and said, Go to, I will no longer suffer this langkie to hang out his banner before my face and to defy me. And he wrote a letter to the langkie captain saying, 67. Tarry but two days ; flee not away ; and I will come out to fight with thee, and I will give thy flesh to the fish of the sea. Who art thou that thou shouldst stand before me ? For such was the manner of speech among the Phiretahs. 68. And the captain of the ship of Uncul- psalm answered him nothing ; but awaited his 240 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. coming silently, after the manner of the langkies. 69. So he went out; and the ships fought together. And the ship of Unculpsalm quickly had the mastery over the other and destroyed it, that it sank into the deep, and the waters closed over it forever. 70. And the men of Unculpsalm, and chiefly the merchants and the shipmen, when they heard of these things, rejoiced and took cour- age. But when the men of Jonbool saw the ship which they had builded, and the engines of war which they had made, and the sailors which were of their land thus brought to naught, they were filled with wonder, and their hearts were troubled ; for the}^ thought that the day of reckoning drew nigh. 71. And all of the wonderful acts that were done in the land of Unculpsalm after these things, of the battles of Ulysses, and the gov- ernment of Abraham, of the end of Pshawdee and of John See of Mah-Rippozah, until peace was restored unto that land, are they not writ- ten in the book of the vision of Benjamin, the brother of Phernandiwud ? Ver. 71. The promise or declaration made in this verse was not kept or else the manuscript has been mutilated. The former is probably the case, as Pshawdee and John See of Mah-Rippozah seem to have fallen into obscurity. The New Gospel of Peace. BOOK FOURTH. [Published May 19th, 1866.] 16 (241) BOOK FOURTH. CHAPTER I. I. Choosing a Chief Ruler. 4. The Shear-man marcheth into Jahrji. 10. Ajid he goeth tip against Hadal-antah. 14. The Phiretahs in the land of the Kahnux. 15. Send Kullah Rado to Horatius the Scribe. 19. Who goeth into the lajtd of the Kahnux. 20. Abraham seeth through their devices. 25. And Horatius returneth home again. NOW after these things the time came when the people of the land of Unculpsalm should choose again a man to rule over them. 2. For it was the chief delight of the people of that land to busy themselves about the choos-. ing of their chief ruler ; so that they occupied themselves with it by day, and talked one with another about it when they sat at meat and when they lay down and when they rose up, and gave their thoughts to it in the watches of the night. 3. And when a chief ruler was chosen, so it was that the people began straightway to strive one with the other as to who should be chief ruler after him ; and he who had been made 243 244 '^^^ NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. chief ruler sought first of all things to cause himself to be chosen again. 4. So that when any man came before him, or wrote a letter to him, asking that he would make him his officer, or cause justice to be done to him, or grant favor unto him, he said not. Hail ! my lord, that is chief ruler over the land of Unculpsalm, but, Hail! my lord chief ruler that is to be hereafter. 5. And about those days the army of the Bhum Urs marched into the South. Now these were not of Ur of the Chaldees, but of Bhum Ur of the Raoudees. 6. And the chief captain of the Bhum Urs was a mighty soldier before the Lord ; and he was called the Shear-Man because that he cut his way into the country of the Phiretahs which is called the land of Dicksee, and shore it in twain. 7. This did he entering it not from the North over the border of Masunandicsun, but south of the land of Ohlcaintuk, where the people are mighty and fearful to behold, for their upper parts be like unto a horse and their lower parts be like unto an alligator, and the sound of their neighing goeth over the land. 8. And the Bhum Urs left the land of Ohl- caintuk on the North, and went by the way of Chatter-niggah (for it is the country of the everlasting Niggah) even as thou goest down to Hadal-antah which is in the land of Jahrji. . THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 245 9. And it was at Chatter-niggah that Ulys- ses had overcome the army of the Phiretahs that Jeph the Repudiator had sent to drive the langkies beyond the borders of Ohlcaintuk, and that Joseph of Kalaphorni fought them upon the mountain top above the clouds and drove them out of their stronghold. 10. And when Ulysses was made chief captain over all the armies of Unculpsalm, he sent for the Shear-Man and his Bhum Urs to come to Chatter-niggah. 1 1 . And afterward in the spring time of the year the army of the Bhum Urs marched Southward into Jahrji, and went up against Hadal-antah to take it. 12. But the way from Chatter-niggah to Hadal-antah was long, and it lay through mountains and narrow valleys and strong places, and in these the Phiretahs fortified themselves. But the Shear-Man cut his way through them, after his manner, and stood before Hadal-antah. 13. Now when men saw that the way from Chatter-niggah was long, and that the army of the Bhum Urs was fain to march slowly and fight warily, and when they saw that Ulysses him- self and George the Mede still lay on the south of the chief city of the Phiretahs without taking it; 246 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 14. The hearts of the feeble-minded began to fail them, and many of them joined them- selves unto the sect of the Oueecneas. 15. Now there were certain Phiretahs which had fled into the land of the Kahnux which bordered the land of Unculpsalm on the north, and which was a province of the empire of Jonbool ; and they dwelt there, working mis- chief against the land of Unculpsalm, and in this they were mightily holpen and encouraged by the Kahnux. 16. And these men called unto them one named Kullah-Rahdo, one of the simple ones, which did their bidding, and said unto him, 17. Get thee unto Horatius the scribe, who dwelleth in Gotham, and who is the chief of the sect of the Oueecneas, and say unto him that the Phiretahs are willing now to make peace with the men of Unculpsalm, and that it pleaseth us to receive an oiler of truce from Abraham and his council that we may lay it at the feet of our master Jeph the Repudiator. Ver. 14. The manuscript here is much mutilated ; but from what remains it appears that Horatius the scribe had proposed that if the rebellion of the Phiretahs was not put down by a certain time their demands should be acceded to, and the land of Unculpsalm divided. But the Phiretahs were not put down b v that time ; and jet the people in- sisted that the war should go on, and they laughed Hora- tius to scorn, and distrusted him (whom before they had honored) ever after. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 247 18. Now Kullah-Rahdo had published his folly to all the land of Unculpsalm, so that his name was a by-word for foolishness to all the men of that land. Likewise were the Phiretahs in the land of the Kahnux known to be crafty men and stiff-necked. Yet did Horatius the scribe hearken unto the message, and sent let- ters about it unto Abraham, saying, 19. That now he might make peace and confirm it with writings, and pay the Phiretahs for their Niggahs, and glorify himself, and Horatius the scribe and Kullah-Rahdo for- ever. 20. And he himself hastened to meet the Phiretah men at the place of the Falling "Waters. This did he because he was chief of the sect of the Oueecneas. 21. But Abraham said within himself. Be- hold, now, do I not see through this matter as plainly as any man, vmless he be Horatius the scribe, or Kullah-Rahdo his yoke-fellow, may see through a millstone in which there hath been a hole made to turn it withal ? 22. And he sent a message to Horatius, but it was not written to him nor to the Phiretahs, but unto all nations and unto all peoples, say- ing : 23. If there be any man that hath power and authority to make a covenant, even a covenant that shall be kept, that the Phiretahs shall lay 248 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. down their arms and go each man to his own home and obey the laws of the land of Unculpsalm, and that the Niggahs shall be set free forever; let him come unto me, and 'no man shall do him harm coming or going. 24. Then did the hearts of the Phiretahs at the place of the Falling Waters sink within them. For they saw that Abraham was wiser than Horatius in his generation, and that their craft had failed them, and that Abraham and the men of Unculpsalm would fight the batde even unto the end. 25. But they put a bold face upon the mat- ter, after their fashion, and they said unto Ho- ratius, What is this to which thou hast bidden us? We looked for an offer of peace, and be- hold thou hast brought upon us a buffet. Get thee gone, for we will none of thee. 26. Then Horatius gat him home quickly. And the people remembered how that in the beginning he had said. Let the Phiretahs go, with their provinces, and keep their everlasting Niggah. And the people laid all these things up in their hearts. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 249 CHAPTER II. Z. The PhiretaJis marcJt itito the j^rovince of TschaddbelJiee. 2. The Kopur-hedds assemble at the city of the Zukkahs. 5. The Shear-Man taketh Hadal-antah. 6. And the Ko;pur-hedds are cast dorvn. 9. Philscurrydown dis- cojnfiteth Jeiv Bahlurlee in the valley of the Shinning Door. 13. And in Keivbah. 17. Certain Phiretahs Join themselves together. 21. And rob a village in the la?td of Unciilpsalm. 26. Jonaydics ordereth them to be pursued into the land of the Kahnux. AND after these things the army of the Phiretahs marched again into the prov- ince of Tschaddbelhee, and carried off spoil, and burned a town therein. And when men saw this and saw that the Shear-man had not yet cut his way into Hadal-antah, and that Ulysses still lay with the army of George the Mede south of the chief city of the Phiretahs, 2. Then the Kopur-hedds and the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats and certain of the Oueecneas, gathered themselves to- gether at the chief city of the Zukkahs which was called Sheik Ahgo, to declare whom they would set up before tlie people to be chosen chief ruler. 3. And the chief of the Kopur-hedds was 250 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. Horatio, who was surnamed the Seemer, and the chief of the sect of Smalphri was Augustus the money-changer ; and Augustus they made ruler of the assembly for a little while, because he was chief of the sect of Smalphri, and be- cause he was rich ; but the chief man of the assembly and the ruler thereof was Horatio the Seemer. 4. And they declared that Litulmak was the man whom the Kopur-hedds delighted to honor, and whom the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats would choose for chief ruler of the land of Unculpsalm. 5 . Now it came to pass that while the assem- bly, in which Horatio the Seemer and Augustus the money-changer were chief men, did these things, that the chief captain of the Bhum Urs enticed the captain of the Phiretahs with his army out of Hadal-antah, and he fell upon him and cut his army in twain, and smote them hip and thigh, and pursued them until they were weary, and then marched back and took Hadal- antah. And this was noised abroad over the land as the men of that assembly departed to their homes. 6. Then did the countenances of the Kopur- hedds fall and their countenances fail them as aforetime, when George the Mede obtained the victory over Robbutleeh, and when Ulysses took the city of Wickedsburg. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 25 1 7. And they said one to another, Why hath this calamity fallen upon us, and what is our iniquity that the armies of Unculpsalm should be victorious? 8. But the Dimmichrats which loved the land of Unculpsalm better than they loved the triumph of their own faction, rejoiced greatly, and likewise did all the other men of that land, save them that had joined themselves unto the Kopur-hedds or unto the Oueecneas. 9. Moreover, about those days, Philscurry- down, a great captain in the army of Uncul- psalm, who was mighty in battle, riding upon a horse, and who was captain of horse in the army of George the Mede, 10. Having been sent by Ulysses, the chief captain, fell upon Jew Bahlurlee in the valley of the Shinning Door, which is the chief en- trance from the land of the Phiretahs into the land of the langkies. And because the langkies and the Phiretahs had chased each Ver. 7. This sect of the Dimmichrats seem always to have recognized the chastening hand of affliction in the success of the armies of Unculpsalm. Their example is edifying, but, considering their end, it must be confessed, not encouraging. The candor of the author (who was manifestly of this sect) appears in the manner in which he speaks, in the next verse and elsewhere, of the other sect of the Dimmichrats, with which he was at variance. But it appears from a previous passage at the end of the first Book, that he was impelled to his task by an invisible and resistless power. 252 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. other back and forth through this valley, and because in the tongue of the men of Ouahlztrete, men who run back and forth are said to shin, this valley is called the valley of the Shinning Door unto this da}^ 11. And Philscurrydown fought against Jew Bahlurlee three times, and each time he smote him and had the victory over him, and pursued him with slaughter, and took his eno-ines of war, and more than half of them that were left alive he took captive. 12. And no more was heard of Jew Bahlur- lee, until he fled and took ship and went and dwelt in Kewbah. And then he began railing and boasting after the manner of the Phiretahs, saying that he would have had the victory over Philscurrydown, save that he had only a few men, and that Philscurrydown had many. 13. But when Philscurrydown heard this, he said, Behold this book, wherein are written the names of the men which I took captive from Jew Bahlurlee, and the numbers of his slain that I buried ; and the numbers of the captives and of the slain are more than all that Jew Bahlurlee saith were in his army. Moreover, the number of great engines of war that I took from him is greater than belongeth to his army, according to his showing, and more than could be carried by them, as every man who is cap- tain of a company well knoweth. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 253 14. And then Jew Bahlurlee was put to shame before all men. For it was said a strong man may be discomfited, but only he that is mean in spirit seeketh to cover his ca- lamity with lies. 15. And Philscurrydown laid that valley waste with fire and sword, so that no army of the Phiretahs might live therein ; and it is also called the Valley of Destruction unto this day. 16. Now Philscurrydown was small of stature, and he was of the race of the Pahdees. 17. And while he was driving Jew Bahlurlee and his army out of the valley of the Shinning Door, and laying waste that valley, certain of the Phiretahs who had gone into the land of the Kahnux, that they might work evil against the langkies, and who were made of in that land, 18. Banded themselves together, and took arms in their hands, and went over into the land of Unculpsalm into a village of the langkies. 19. And they hid their arms under their garments, and the langkies knew not that they were Phiretahs; for the langkies and the Phiretahs being of one blood and one speech, when the Phiretahs carried themselves peace- ably and went not about blaspheming and slay- ing, men knew not that they were Phiretahs. 20. Now in this village there was no army, nor any fighting men, neither did the armies of 254 "^^^ N^^ GOSPEL OF PEACE. Unculpsalm dwell in the country round about or pass through it, as the armies of the Phire- tahs did in the valley of the Shinning Door. 21. And after they had sojourned many days in the village and dwelt with the inhabi- tants thereof so that they might spy out the land, they dispersed themselves through the village, and at a certain hour with one consent they entered the houses and the stables and the shops of the artificers, and began to lay hands upon the gold and the silver and the horses and the cattle. 22. And because of the war there were few in the village save old men and women and children ; for most of the young men were in the armies of Unculpsalm. 23. And before the few that were in the vil- lage could gather themselves together, the Phiretahs got upon the horses they had taken and began to ride out of the village. And those that attempted to hinder them they fell upon and wounded sorely, and went on their way rejoicing. 24. But the young men that were left in the village assembled quickly, and got other horses and pursued the Phiretahs. Yet could they not come up with them before they had passed the border of the land of Unculpsalm into the land of the Kahnux. So they escaped. 25. For the land of the Kahnux was part of THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 255 the dominions of the Queen of Jonbool ; and an evil-doer in the one country could not be taken in the other save by a demand made by one chief ruler upon the other. 26. But Jonaydics, who was captain in that region, said this is not the evil-doing of one man against another man ; this is the doing of the Phiretahs who have invaded our land from the land of the Kahnux, coming because they were our enemies, but carrying themselves not like soldiers but like robbers. 27. Therefore he commanded his officers saying. Pursue and overtake and spare not ; and stay not your pursuing when ye come to the borders of the land of the Kahnux, but pass over, and if ye find the men, fall upon them and hew them in pieces before the Lord. And all the people said, Amen. 256 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. CHAPTER III. I. Zoord. 5. Becometk chief con jisellor. 6. Is hated by the men of Jonbool and the Pahlivoos^ because he prophesi- eth agaifist them. 11. He causeth the command of yonaydics to be disobeyed. 15. The Kahnux let the Phiretahs escape. 16. Zoord's decree, NOW the chief of Abraham's counsellors was Bilhe, whose surname was Zoord. 2. And Zoord was wise, and he had served the land of Unculpsalm as a lawgiver and a coun- sellor from the time when he was thirty years old until now the hair of his head was gray. And he was held in honor throughout the land of Unculpsalm, except among the Kopur- hedds and the Phiretahs. Ver. I. Bilhe. This name is noticeable from its similar- ity to some othei-s. We have Bilhah the concubine of Jacob ; and Dr. Trite points out that BiUe must be the masculine form of Bilhah, for he regards the h in the latter as superfluous. There is also Bildad the Shuite, one of Job's comforters, whom Dr. Trite thinks was probably the father of Bilhe. Some persons have been led so far in their search after persons of our own time and country to whom to apply the relations of this book, as to suppose that Bilhe may mean one of Mr. Lincoln's cabinet. But what writer would venture to take such a lib- erty with a cabinet minister.? THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 257 3. And even the Phiretahs, although they hated his counsels, found no occasion against him, and had respect unto him ; for he was a courteous man and a subtle. 4. And men said that he should have been chief ruler instead of Abraham, if it had not been for Horatius the scribe. And they looked that he should oppose himself unto Abra- ham ; but he was without envy, and served the land of Unculpsalm in pureness of heart. 5. And when Abraham said unto him, Be- hold, now, thou hast wisdom to govern and art cunning to make laws and covenants, and art a man of experience among rulers, and can di- vine ; and I am a simple man, without experi- ence among rulers ; be therefore my chief counsellor ; then Bilhe consented and became the chief counsellor of Abraham. 6. Now the rulers of the land of Jonbool, and the lords thereof, and the scribes and the pharisees, and the merchants and the shipmen hated Bilhe whose surname was Zoord. 7. For when they sought the downfall of Ver. 4. A passage of the manuscript, too much mutilated to be translated in a connected form, tells us that Horatius was one of Bilhe's admirers and friends, and that they worked together, Horatius always upholding Bilhe, until Bilhe refused to consent that Horatius should be made one of the chief lawgivers of the land of Unculpsalm ; after which Horatius became Bilhe's enemy ; and no mean one ; for he had a great following. 22* 258 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. Unculpsalm, and would have fought against her in the day of her calamity, he took away occasion from them, and he prophesied against them, declaring continually that the Phiretahs would come to naught, and that the greatness and the power and the glory of the land of Un- culpsalm should endure forever. Wherefore the men of Jonbool hated him with an exceed- ing great hatred. 8. And the king of the Pahlivoos and his counsellors said one to another. What doth it matter what this babbler sayeth ? Let us not turn back therefor, but go on and get gold and glory in Mecsicho. But Zoord heeded neither the hatred of the men of Jonbool, nor the scoff- ing of the great ones among the Pahlivoos, and he said unto them, 9. Behold now the pride and the naughtiness of your hearts ! I tell you that the day is com- ing, and will soon come, when ye shall be at your wits' end in this matter, and shall repent yourselves in dust and ashes. But they heeded him not, and went on their way, both them of Jonbool and the Pahlivoos. 10. And now again he took away occasion from them ; for he went unto Abraham and he said unto him, 11. Let my lord live forever, and be ruler of the land for a second time. Let my lord hearken unto his servant concerning the com- THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 250 mand of Jonaydics ; which indeed would do justice unto the Phiretahs, and unto the Kah- nux, and unto the men of Jonbool, but which would work confusion for us hereafter. 12. For either this band of Phiretahs are rob- bers, or they are soldiers who obey the com- mand of Jeph and his officers. Now, if they be robbers, they have offended against our law, and must be demanded by thy servant to be punished ; and if soldiers, then they have of- fended against the laws of the land of Jonbool, and we can neither demand them for to be pun- ished nor join battle with them except within our own borders or within theirs, unless we do that which is cause of war among all nations. 13. Let us not do thus foolishly; because there is an account between us and the rulers of the land of Jonbool because of the ships that the men of Jonbool have furnished to the Phi- retahs to our harm ; and this matter is greater than the other an hundred-fold. 14. Let my lord Abraham, therefore, issue a proclamation that the command of Jonaydics be not obeyed, that we may come to our great accounting with clean hands. 15. And Abraham consented, and the com- mand was not obeyed. And demand was made upon the rulers of the Kahnux for the Phiretahs ; but they gave them not up, but let them escape ; for the people desired it, and the judges winked at the matter. 26o THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. i6. Then Zoord issued a decree in the name of Abraham, — saying that no man might come from the land of the Kahnux into the land of Unculpsalm unless he had a writing sealed with the seal of the ambassador of Abraham in the land of the Kahnux, showing that he was neither a Phiretah nor other robber. And the writing cost five pieces of silver. 17. And for because there was great traffic between those lands, and men went back and forth every day about their business, there went up a great cry thereat. And before many days the Kahnux sent messengers unto Zoord, and said, 18. Let not my lord lay his hand so heavily upon his servants. For my lord hath touched his servants where they are most tender, even in their business and in their pockets. Take now away, we beseech thee, thine hand from oft' thy servants, and let them go back and forth about their business as aforetime, and thy ser- vants will undertake that their borders shall be guarded, that no Phiretahs nor no manner of robbers pass over them to do evil unto the land of Unculpsalm. 19. And when Bilhe, whose surname was Zoord, saw that they were in the dust before him, although he wielded not the sword, he was gracious unto them, and he revoked the decree. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 261 CHAPTER IV. I. The choice of AbraJiant the second time. 4. Andrew, 'Whose surname was Jo7i-sing. 9. Is set up to be the second ruler of the land of Unculpsalm. 10. And is chosen. 11. The Phiretahs seek to btirji Gotham. 18. Phineas who was called Umbuggah. 20. Hiram the Publican. AND it came to pass, that after these things, about the time of the new moon, the peo- ple met together in their cities, in their towns, and their villages, to choose their chief ruler. 2. And Abraham was chosen. And the multitude of them that gave their voices for Abraham was so great, that the Kopur-hedds and the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmi- chrats and the Oueecneas hid their heads and crept away from the sight of men. And Pri- mus the scribe, who dwelt among the mer- chants, said. Behold, I will write no more to instruct the people of this land and the rulers thereof; but I will pour out the wealth of my wisdom before the merchants. 3. Now there was chosen with the chief ruler of the land of Unculpsalm, a man to rule in his stead if he should die before the time for 262 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. which he was chosen was ended, or if he should be smitten with grievous sickness or have a devil. 4. And the men who had set up Abraham to be chosen a second time, looked about for a man to be set up with him, to rule if need be in his stead. And their eyes fell upon Andrew, whose surname was Jon-sing. 5. Now this Andrew had aforetime made garments for the Phiretahs. And he was cun- ning to make garments of woollen ; so that they who before the time when Andrew came among them, had worn raiment made by the sons of Mizphit, ceased from wearing it and bought garments of Andrew. Wherefore Andrew was hated of the sons of Mizphit. 6. And Andrew waxed rich, and came to be one of the lawgivers of the land of Unculpsalm, and sat in the great council of the nation. And it was of the Niggahs that he was called Jon- sing. Likewise there were many Niggahs that called themselves Jon-sing. 7. And when the Phiretahs rebelled, they said unto him. Come with us, and be one of us ! But he spurned them, and said. Get from be- fore my face ; for God do so to me and more also, if I rest day or night until ye are hanged, each one of you, for this iniquity. 8. Therefore, when the Phiretahs were sub- dued, and brought to naught in the province THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 263 where Andrew dwelt, Abraham made Andrew governor thereof. 9. And the men said one to another, Behold now this Andrew, whose surname is Jon-sing, and who is governor of his province, is he not wise, and hath he not been faithful among the faithless and served this nation, taking his life in his hand? 10. Let us therefore set him up to be chosen as the second ruler in the land. And they set him up, and he was chosen. 11. And about these days certain of the Phiretahs, which had gone to dwell in the land of the Kahnux, took counsel together to destroy the city of Gotham and all that was therein. 12. And they sent not an army to march against it and take it ; but they took to them- selves certain men, and said to them, 13. Go ye now into the city of Gotham, and go to the inns there, and take lodging as friends ; and say each of you unto his host. Give me now a convenient chamber that I may lodge with thee ; and look ye that your chambers be fitting unto that for which ye are sent. And some of you go unto the houses where men players and women players play before the people. 14. Take also with you oil and brimstone. And it shall be that upon a day appointed ye shall with one consent pour the oil and the 264 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. brimstone upon your beds, and upon the floors of the chambers under your beds, and in hidden places in the other houses ye shall pour them, and ye shall set fire to them, and so shall they be burned, and the houses round about. 15. In the night shall ye do it, that the city being fired in many places when the men are asleep, there shall be none to extinguish the fires until the city be ready to be consumed even like unto Sodom and Gomorrah. 16. And certain of the Phiretahs were pricked in their consciences and said, Is it lawful for us to do this thing? For do not all men who go to an inn trust each unto the faith of the other while they are in the inn together, even al- though they be enemies? And doth not the host receive them, also trusting them? And are there not women and children in the inns which shall be consumed therewith? 17. But the others would not hearken unto these, and answered them, saying. We seek not to burn the women and children, but only the houses ; and if there be any women and children in the houses, their blood shall be upon their own heads. Ver. 17. It may be supposed that such an answer could be made only by a half-civilized Chaldean, at once bloody and subtle, like some t)f the characters with whom we are made acquainted in the Hebrew Scriptures. But the follow- ing modern instance shows that the same spirit which animated these Phiretahs, may be developed among patri- THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 265 18. And the men did as they had been com- manded, and they set fire to many inns. Like- wise also did they to the house of Phineas, who was called Umbuggah, wherein were men players and women players, and harlots, and marvellous beasts and fishes, even leviathan. And as it is written, He causeth the deep to boil like a pot, who can stir him up? so Phin- eas had him there in the pot, and had one to stir him up. Also the whale that Jonah swal- lowed and his gourd that withered away ; and Jonah was outside the whale, and sat in the shadow of the gourd. 19. But Ken-Edee, chief of the watchmen, had heard of the device of the Phiretahs, and had set his watchmen to watch them. And they watched for the men, and took some of archal institutions and in our own time among our own people. Capt. Robert Cobb Kennedy, who had been educated at West Point, and who was a planter in Louisiana before the rebellion of 1861, was hanged at New York, March 25th, 1865, upon convictions of setting fire to hotels in that city. Before his death he made a confession of which the follow- ing sentences are a part : — " ' I set fire to four hotels, or rather toBarnum's Museum, Lovejoy's Hotel, Tammany Hotel, and the New England House. The others only set fire to the house in which each was stopping, and then cut off. . . . In retaliation for Sheridan's atrocities in the Shenandoah Valley, we desired to destroy property, not the lives of women and children, although that of course would have followed in the train.' " 266 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. them, and stopped the fires, so that the city was not burned. 20. Now the Phiretahs had set fire to many of the great inns in Gotham, but to the house of Hiram the PubHcan they set not fire ; where- fore men said, Behold how Hiram the pubHcan is bound imto the Phiretahs and is one with them, for they set not fire to his inn, neither consumed they his habitation. 21. And Hiram answered and said. Go to, now, needs must it be that a pubHcan set his inn on fire to show that he is faithful unto the government of Unculpsalm ? And he laughed them to scorn. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 267 CHAPTER V. I. The Shear-man cutteth his -way to the sea. 3.' Satphtee discomfiteth a Phiretah Captam. 7. Ulysses maroheth against Robbutleeh again, and discomfiteth him. ii. Jeph the Repidiator fleeth. 13. The song of the Nig- gahs. 24. The men of Gotham are drunHen tvith wine. 25. Ulysses again hath the victory. 30. Robbutleeh lay- eth down his arms. 34. And also the other captains of the Phiretahs. AND it came to pass that after these things the captain of the Bhum Urs marched westward through the breadth of the land of Dicksee even unto the sea-shore. And the Phiretahs spoke very fierce words against him, and prophesied evil against him, and filled the land with their roarings after their fashion. 2. But the Shear-man heeded not the fierce- ness of their words or their prophesying or their roarings, and marched onward. And the Phi- retahs called upon Robbutleeh to send help unto them, but Ulysses held him fast so that he could not. And the Phiretahs fled from before the Bhum Urs, and the Shear-man cut his way onward through the land. 3. Moreover, about this time, the Phiretah 268 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. captain whom the Shear-man had driven out of Hadal-antah, gathered together a great army and marched against a mighty captain in the armies of Unculpsalm, who was named of his soldiers Saiphtee. 4. (Now this captain came out of Pharjin- nee, and was one of the Ephephvees. Yet was he faithful to the land of Unculpsalm.) 5. And Saiphtee marched backward, and drew the Phiretahs after him and away from the army of the Bhum Urs. And when he had drawn them far westward into the land, he went into a little city there ; and the Phiretahs sat down before it, and boasted that they would take him captive and put his army to the sword. 6. Then he gathered his army together, and marched out of the city, and fell upon the Phi- retahs while their boastings and their cursings were in their mouths : And he discomfited them with great slaughter, and they fled from before him, and he pursued after them many days, and slew them as they fled ; and their boasting was turned into wailing and gnashing of teeth, so that the city where Saiphtee fell upon themiscafled Gnashfill unto this day. 7. And after these things Ulysses saw that his time was come, and that the occasion wherefor he ha^ waited and watched and toiled for many days had been given unto him. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 269 8. And he marched upon Robbutleeh while his army was yet in the forts and the strong places that he had made. And Ulysses had the victory, and drove Robbutleeh out of his forts and his strong places. 9. And it was the Sabbath day. And Jeph the Repudiator sat in the synagogue which was in the chief city of the Phiretahs ; and the chief men of the Phiretahs, Ephephvees, were about him, and as he sat, there came a messenger to him from Robbutleeh, saying, 10. Thy servant is discomfited, but not yet destroyed. Nevertheless he can no longer hold the city. Save thyself, thou and thy household and thy counsellors, and flee, for Ulysses is upon thee. 11. And Jeph went straightway out of the synagogue to his house, and began to gather his gold and his silver and his stufi:\ And the thing was noised abroad in the city, and there was great commotion. And the Phiretahs fled from that city and from the villages round about, leaving only their women and children. And Jeph fled southward before them, uttering boastings, and making proclamations. Ver. 9. Ulj'sses had the victory, although he went into battle on the Sabbath day; and the armies of Jeph were overcome although he was in the synagogue. This is one of those mysterious dispensations which seem to be sent to baffle our understandings and to try our faith. Ver. II, 12. Uttering boastings and making proclatna- 23* 270 THE NEW GOSPEL, OF PEACE. 12. And as Jeph was fleeing out of the city, a company of Niggahs, which had joined them- selves unto the armies of Unculpsalm entered it from the other side ; and as they entered they lifted up their voices with one accord and sang, saying, 13. Tell unto me, Niggahs, and declare unto me, oh ye of woolly locks and dark counte- nance, have you seen the lord, have you seen the master? 14. Whose beard is upon his face and above his mouth upon his face? 15. Have you seen him pass this way since the dawning, looking like one who goeth hasti- ly into a far country ? 16. He saw the smoke, the smoke rose up before him on the river, and he said, 17. O my soul, these are the ships of Fa- ther Abraham. 18. Then he covered his head ; he put on the covering of his head ; he covered his head tio7is. Upon this passage the Rev. Robert Tombs, D. d., of Georgia, has the following edifying remarks : " What a warning is here set before us ! Jeph boasted and fell, and boasted even as he was falling. Thus it is always with weak souls who are confident in their own strength. Let us, my Southern brethren, use this example to our own improvement by giving daily thanks that the weakness and the folly of this poor heathen have not been laid upon us ; but that we have the modesty as well as the valor, the magnanimity, and the high chivalric tone which have ever been the peculiar characteristics of the South." THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 27 1 speedily ; his head-covering he put on with haste. He departed, he went swiftly ; he de- parted covering his head with haste. 19. It seemeth unto me that he hath fled, and my soul saith within herself, he hath ske- daddled. 20. Behold the master fleeth, the lord passeth away. 21. But the servant remaineth, the Niggah abideth forever. 22. For he is the everlasting Niggah. 23. Lo, now the kingdom cometh, and the year of Jubilee is at hand ; and the Niggah shall rule in the land, and the master shall be cast down under his feet. Ver. 13-23. This passage, as all oriental scholars will see, is much older in style than the rest of the book, and has traces of the period of the most ancient Hebrew and Chaldee writers. Although it is a song and is rhythmical, a comparison will show that it belongs rather to the period of the author of the song of Deborah, or even of Lamech, than to that of the more cultivated writers of the time of David and Solomon. It was probably an ancient song preserved by tradition among that strange and recordless people, the Niggahs. Yet there has been discovered a coincidence of thought between this song and the following stanza : — " Say, darkies, have you seen de massa, Wid de muffstash on he face. Go 'long de road some time dis mornin', Like he gwine for leabe de place.'* He see de smoke way up de ribber Whar dc Lincum gun-bouts lay ; 272 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 24. And the news of the fall of the city was spread abroad over the land upon the light- nings of the heavens. And there were great rejoicings, and feastings, so that that night all the city of Gotham was drunken with wine. Likewise was it in many other cities of the langkies. And the Kopur-hedds were abased, and the Oueecneas vanished away, so that not one of them was found thereafter, and the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats was swal- lowed up in the victory of the Eunyunmen. 25. And Robbutleeh essayed to flee west- ward with his army among the mountains. But Ulysses pursued after him and overtook him, and fell upon him with great slaughter. 26. And his army saw that their cause was lost, and many of them fell behind, and wandered into the wilderness, or went home- ward, for there was no power to keep them. But many were faithful unto the end. He took he hat and leff berry sudden, And I 'spose he's runned away. De massa run, ha! ha! De darky stay, ho ! ho ! It mus' be now de kingdum comin', An' de yar of Jubilo." It cannot be denied that the coincidence noticed does exist to a certain degree. This can only be accounted for upon the plausible and ingenious hypothesis of Dr. Trite, that either the former was written before the latter or the latter before the former. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 273 27. And it came to pass that Ulysses with his army got before Robbutleeh with his army, and cut him off and hemmed him in on every side. And he could have fallen upon Robbut- leeh and the remnant of his army and put every man to the sword and cut them off from the face of the earth. 28. But he had compassion upon them and respect unto them ; for Ulysses was not a man of blood. And he sent a messenger unto Rob- butleeh, saying : 29. Behold now the end has come, and thou and thine army are in the hands of thy ser- vant. Lay down thine arms now, and let there be peace between thee and me ; and our Father Abraham shall pardon thee, and receive thee again as one of the children of Unculpsalm, and treat thee with honor, thee and thine officers, and all that are with thee. 30. But at first Robbutleeh would not ; for he was stout-hearted and stiff-necked. But after- ward he considered the matter, and for the sake of them that were with him he consented. 31. And he and his captains and his officers and his soldiers laid down their arms, and gave themselves up captive. 32. And there was an apple-tree where Robbutleeh gave himself up. That it might be fulffiled as it was written. We will hang Jeph the Repudiator upon a bitter apple-tree. And 274 '^"^ ^^'^^^ GOSPEL OF PEACE. that tree grew and multiplied so that it tilled the whole land of Unculpsalm. 33. But Ulysses sent them every man to his own home, saying, See only, that ye obey the laws of the land of Unculpsalm, and have respect unto the proclamations of our Father Abraham. And he gave them horses to ride upon ; for the way was long and the road that they had travelled was hard. And he said keep the horses, that ye may till your lields and gather in your harvests. 34. Now, when the other Phiretah captains saw that Robbutleeh had laid down his arms, they laid down their arms, all save one upon the farthest border on the south-west as thou goest into the land of Mecsicho. 35. And it was in the spring time, in the fourth month, on the ninth day of the month, that Robbutleeh laid down his arms ; and be- fore the sowing of the latter wheat was accom- plished the other captains had done likewise. And about the time of the barley harvest, there was peace in the land of Unculpsalm ; so that the men who fought gathered in the latter wheat harvest. For when the war was over each man returned unto his own home. Ver. 33. T/ie road that they had travelled ivas hard. Upon the margin of the manusci-ipt, in an ancient hand is written, — "As one df the poets and prophets of this peo- ple had before declared, 'Jordan is a hard road to travel, I believe,' " having manifestly reference to the undertaking of the Phiretahs and their discomfiture. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 275 CHAPTER VI. r. The PJiiretahs are dismayed at their defeat. 5. Some submit themselves. 8. But others flan another minis- tration of the JVetv Gospel of Peace. 13. They band themselves together to slay Abraham and his cojinsellors, and Ulysses, the chief caj)tain. 18. The Durrektahs. 2^. Abraham is slain. 32. The peoj)le mourn for Abra- ham. NOW, when the Phiretahs saw that Rob- butleeh was discomfited and taken cap- tive, and that Jeph the Repudiator was flying southward, giving out boastings and proclama- tions, 2. (This was before the other Phiretah cap- tains had laid down their arms,) 3. They were dismayed, and said one to another. Now shall we be put to the sword and carried away captive, and hanged upon trees, and roasted with fire, and have hot pitch poured upon us, and be ridden upon sharp beams very grievous to bestride, even as we did before this war unto the langkies when they came among us saying, Do ye unto all men even as ye would have all men do unto you. 4. Behold we are subdued; and our Nig- 276 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. gahs, to keep which we would fain have destroyed the government of Unculpsahn, are taken from us. 5. And most of them submitted themselves and put their necks under the yoke. But some of them, as they heard that Jeph the Repudia- tor was flying southward, giving out boastings and proclamations, conceived wickedness in their hearts, and said. There yet remaineth unto us one opportunity. 6. For although peace seemeth to be coming unto the land, it is not peace according to the new gospel. 7. And it behovcth us that there shall be a new ministration of this gospel, for the minis- trations that have been, from the time when Prestenbruux ministered it unto Charles the Summoner unto the day when Phernandiwud ministered it unto the watchmen of Gotham, and unto the day when the Pahdees and the friends of Horatio the Seemer ministered it unto the people of Gotham, and the Niggahs that were therein, did not attain unto the power and the majesty and the might that pertaineth unto this gospel. 8. Let there be therefore a new ministration which shall bring us peace according unto the new gospel, which shall cause all ministrations which have been heretofore to seem as nothing, and which shall make an end of the govern- THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 277 ment of Abraham the Honest ; for we will not have this man to rule over us. 9. Then they took counsel together, and said one to another^ Remember now the minis- tration of Prestenbruux how it came to naught, was it not because only one man was ministered unto, and he, even Charles the Summoner, was left alive? Let us therefore do no such folly, but let us be thorough in this matter. 10. And they took counsel together to slay Abraham and all his counsellors, and Ulysses, the chief captain, and Andrew, whose surname was Jon-sing, in one night. 11. For they said, Thus shall the govern- ment of Unculpsalm come to an end, and the power of the langkies shall vanish away, and there shall be confusion among the counsellors, and the armies shall be without a leader, and weakness shall come upon the land as upon a man who fainteth by the wayside. 12. And we shall seize upon the govern- ment, and the Kopur-hedds shall join them- selves unto us, and the sectof Smalphri among the Dimmichrats, and the friends of Horatio the Seemer. For did they not minister the new gospel unto the officers of Abraham, and unto the langkies and the Niggahs that dwelt within Gotham, and the country round about ? And we shall rule the land, and the new gospel of peace shall prevail. 24 278 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 13. Then a band of the Phiretahs bound themselves together by an oath, and they lay in wait to slay Abraham and his counsellors, and Ulysses the chief captain, and Andrew, whose surname was Jon-sing, on the same night. 14. Now, at the time when the band of the Phiretahs conspired together to slay Abraham and his counsellors, and Ulysses, and Andrew whose surname was Jon-sing, Bilhe, whose sur- name was Zoord, lay sick in his house. 15. And there came a day whereon Abra- ham had commanded the banner of Uncul- psalm to be raised with great rejoicings upon the ruins of the fort which lay before Tchawl- stn, and when he was to go to the hall of the players, that the men-players and women- players might play before him even as David played upon the harp before Saul. For his head was weary, and his heart was troubled, even in the hour of the triumph of the land of Unculpsalm. And Ulysses the chief captain was to go with him to the hall of the players. 16. And the liers-in-wait said. Behold our opportunity has come ; for we can slay Abra- ham and the chief captain together, and one of us shall slay Bilhe the chief counsellor as he lieth sick upon his bed, and another shall slay Andrew, whose surname is Jon-sing, and others also the other counsellors. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 279 17. And Abraham went to the hall, and sat in a little room in the gallery, he and his wife and one of his captains ; and the men-players and women-players played before him, and before the people that were in the hall round about. But Ulysses the chief captain went not to the halls with Abraham, but journeyed into the north country. 18. But the liers-in-wait said, We can tarry no longer, let the ministration be this night, even although the chief captain be not with Abraham. Moreover, hath he not taken his journey upon a roadway of iron ? Mayhap the Lord will deliver him into our hands through the hands of the Durrektahs. 19. Now the Durrektahs were robbers. 20. And they lived upon the roadways of iron (for there were roadways of iron in the land of Unculpsalm through the country and even in the cities thereof) , and the Durrektahs enticed the people thereon, men, women, and children, saying unto them : 21. Come unto us, for our ways like the ways of wisdom are ways of pleasantness, and all our paths are peace. 22. And the people listened unto them, and went upon their roadways, and the Durrektahs took them and thrust them into prison, even Ver. 22, 23, 24. May not those who insist upon a modern origin for this work be triumphantly referred to this pas- 28o THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. prisons upon wheels, noisome and ill-smelling, so that they could not breathe. 23. And on the roadways in the cities the Durrektahs thrust the people by fifties and by hundreds into dungeons, even dungeons upon wheels, until there was not room therein for a man's hand, so that they could neither sit nor stand as it becometh men to sit or stand, but each was held up by being pressed against the other. 24. And the people seethed together in the wheeled dungeons, even as the flesh of a kid is seethed in a pot ; and the steam of their seething went up round about them and be- came the breath of their nostrils ; and as they were dragged on in the dungeons, with what breath they had they reviled their tormen- tors. 25. And when the Durrektahs had taken the money of the people and put them into the wheeled dungeons, ofttimes they killed them, dashing out their brains and breaking their arms and legs. So that whereas in other countries when one man hated another, he fell upon him with the sword and slew him, sage in refutation of their theory? Was anything like the conduct of these Durrektahs ever heard of in this country — anything that could be thus told even by way of parable? In these days of civilization and philanthropy, who needs to be told that proceedings like those of the Durrektahs are quite impossible? THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 281 or mingled poison with his meat, in the land of Unculpsalm he was gracious unto him, and lent him money and sent him to take a jour- ney upon a roadway of iron whereon there were Durrektahs. 26. Yet the people slew not the Durrek- tahs ; for the langkies were long-suffering and slow to anger, except men treated them with scorn and reviled them like the men of Jonbool ; and the Durrektahs waxed rich and robbed and murdered diligently day by day ; and no man hindered them. 27. Wherefore it was that the Phiretahs looked that mayhap Ulysses should be put to death at the hands of the Durrektahs. 28. And it came to pass that while the men- players and women-players played before Abraham as he sat in the little room, and before the people as they sat in the hall, one of the liers-in-wait entered the room privily and slew him by the side of his wife ; and while men stood still with astonishment, he fled and escaped into the wilderness of, Phar- jinnee, even into the country of the Ephcph- vees. Ver. 28. Abraham was slain as he sat looking upon men- plajers and women-players. This good man was betrayed into going to what was very plainly something like what we now call a theatre. Having yielded to the temptation, and stepped aside from the path of duty, he met his death. If he had not gone to see the players, he would not have 24* 282 THE NEW GOSPEL vOF PEACE. 29. And at the same time another of the same band entered the house of the chief counsellor, whose surname was Zoord, say- ing, Let me see the chief counsellor, for I am come from his physician. 30. And he made his way to the bedside of the sick, and fell upon him, and smote him with the sword, that he fell down upon the ground as one dead. Yet was he not dead. 31. And the lier-in-wait also smote the son of Zoord, who was called Phredzoord, and, leaving him for dead, fled also. But the hearts of the men to whom it had been given to slay the counsellor for war, and Andrew, whose surname was Jon-sing, failed them. 32. And there was great sorrow throughout the land when it was known that Abraham was dead, and in the lands beyond the sea. And even in the land of Jonbool, men be- wailed themselves that he was slain. For all men saw that he had been a just man and a merciful, and that he judged the land in right- eousness. been killed in a theatre. A fruitful example and an awful warning to the worldly in these latter days. But the saintlj- Spoonbill's conclusion that Zoord, the chief counsellor, be- ing nearly killed in bed is a lesson against yielding to the weakness of the flesh and passing precious time in that position, is hardly warranted. Perhaps the warning was intended only for chief counsellors. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 283 33. And the men of Jonbool sent messages to the land of Unculpsahn, telhng the people of that land their sorrow for the slaying of Abraham, and that they held his name in honor. 34. But the langkies answered and said, Ye do well that ye are sorry ; but must a ruler of the land of Unculpsahn be slain by liers-in-wait before ye can see that he is worthy of honor? Go to, now, what valueth such honor to him or to us? 35. And men went out into the wilderness after the liers-in-wait, and pursued them upon horses, and one they slew, and the others they took, and they hanged them upon a gallows, and a woman that had been privy to their lying-in-wait. 36. And Abraham's body was embalmed, and was taken through the land and through the cities and villages thereof, by the same way by which he had passed when he came from his house when he was first chosen to be chief ruler, and over which he returned not again alive. And the people which had come Ver. 33. See the blundering craft of the men of Jonbool. They had reviled Abraham for three years, and now, when he was slain and the langkies are victorious, they mourn over and glorify the very man who a few days before they were reviling. See also that the langkies knew their craft. In vain is the net spread in the sight of any bird. 284 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. out to meet him then, to greet him with rejoic- ing, now came sorrowing, and as his coffin passed they uncovered their heads and bowed themselves down before it. And the land mourned Abraham many days. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 285 CHAPTER VII. I. A?idreiv ruletk the land of Uncuipsahn, 7. The rulers of Joiibool and the Phiretahs tremble. 8. Jeph the Repudiator feeth Southward. 10. Btct is overtaken by the horsemen of U?iculpsalm. 16. His wife per- suadetk him to fut on her garments. 22. He fleeth in them. 24. But discovereth himself 27. Atid is taken captive. AND Abraham slept with his fathers, and Andrew, whose surname was Jon-sing, ruled in the land. 2. For the hopes of the Phiretahs were brought to naught, and the government of Unculpsalm came not to an end, but continued according to the Great Covenant ; neither was there confusion among the counsellors. 3. For the counsellors and all the people said. Is not Andrew, whose surname is Jon- sing, chosen to be chief ruler in the stead of Abraham? Let the land be ruled as afore- time according to the Great Covenant which is like unto the laws of the Medes and Persians, and altereth not. 4. And Ulysses, the chief captain, escaped out of the hands of the Durrektahs, so that the 286 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. armies lacked not a leader ; and the land was stronger than it was before the slaying of Abraham. 5. For Robbutleeh and his chief officers, and even all they, save the robbers among the Phiretahs which went about slaying each other with knives and with shooting-irons, declared against this manner of putting to death privily by liers-in-wait. And they said, Behold, we are discomfited and subdued, doth it not be- hoove us to submit to the conqueror, that he may be merciful unto us and not grind us to powder? 6. And all other nations and peoples were amazed, and said, Lo, this is wonderful in our eyes that the langkies have subdued the Phiretahs, and more, that when their chief ruler was put to death, although there were factions in the land, the government fell not into confusion ; neither did the langkies fall upon the Phiretahs and put them to the sword, and visit their own sins upon them, treating them as they had been treated by the Phi- retahs, but every man went his way in peace, and justice was done even as aforetime. Such a thing was not known before ; no, not since the world began. 7. And the rulers of the other lands and the Ver, 7. Observe how the men of Jonbool are in constant fear lest the langkies should make war upon them at the THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 287 scribes sought to recommend themselves unto the governors and unto the people of the land of Unculpsalm. For they remembered how they had spoken evil of that land and thrust out the lip at it when they thought the nation might be destroyed and the people divided; how the shipmen of the land of Jonbool had builded war-ships for the Phiretahs and the king of the Pahlivoos had sent over an army into Mecsicho, which otherwise he had not dared to do. For the rulers and the scribes said, Lest these langkies, having their army ready to be set in battle array and their war- ships builded, make war upon us. 8. Now, as Jeph the Repudiator fled south- wards, uttering boastings and proclamations, messengers overtook him, saying that Rob- butleeh had been discomfited, and had laid down his arms, and given himself up captive, and that the other Phiretah captains would do likewise. And when Jeph heard this he stopped his boastings and his proclamations, and fled on the faster. But the horsemen of Unculpsalm followed hard after. 9. And there were with Jeph certain sol- diers of the Phiretahs, which kept guard over first opportunity, and how the langkies, in spite of the be- havior and the speech of the men of Jonbool, have no thought of molesting them. A terrible lesson in these groundless alarms of a guilty conscience. 288 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. him night and day ; and his wife also was with him. And when they rested by the way they went not into villages and houses, but pitched their tents in the fields. 10. And before many days the horsemen of Unculpsalm came up with them, and the soldiers fled before them and left Jeph and his wife and their servants in their tents. 11. And Jeph's wife said unto him, Jeph, the langkies be upon thee. Flee now for thy life, and take to the woods and the mountains ; else they will take thee and hang thee, even as the langkie boys have sung, saying, 12. We will hang Jeph the Repudiator upon a tree ; 13. Upon an apple-tree shall Jeph be hanged ; 14. Yea upon a tree that beareth bitter ap- ples shall he be lifted up. 15. And Jeph answered and said. How can I flee, seeing that the langkies have surrounded us on every side, and that the}^ know me, and that I am not swift of foot to flee before them ; and moreover that they will seize upon every man that cometh out from our tents and carry him away captive or mayhap put him to death instantly ? 16. And his wife said. Hearken vmto me. Behold, here are my garments : put them on straightway, and put this bonnet upon thy THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 289 head, and go out of the tent boldly, and I will go with thee and say thou art my mother. 17. Then Jeph answered and said, I may not put on thy garments ; for although it is written that a woman may wear the garment of her husband, even the garment which is unmentionable, and all men know that she often doeth it, it is not written that the husband may wear the garments of the wife. 18. Moreover I have not proved this rai- ment; and the inner garments are fearfully and wonderfully made, and are like unto a ladder, even a ladder upon which angels' feet are seen even as Jacob saw them when he slept at Padan-aram. And the guiding of these garments is learned only after many trials. And peradventure I shall wear them without showing what they are feigned to conceal, and then will the langkies know that I am not a woman. 19. Now Jeph's wife hearkened not unto his pleadings, but persuaded him earnestly. And he suffered her to indue him with the gar- ments ; and she put them on hastily ; for the langkies came on apace and the peril was great. 20. And they went out of the tent, she and her husband. And they met certain of the langkies who said unto them. We seek Jeph the Repudiator. Tell us now where we may find him, and it shall be well with you. 290 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE, 21. And Jeph's wife answered and said, Thy handmaid knoweth not where Jeph is. He was among our tents, but when my lords the langkies came he fled, thy handmaid knoweth not whither. Suffer now thy handmaid to de- part with her mother, who is with her, that they may draw water and they will return again. 22. And the langkies suffered them, and turned to look after them as they departed. And Jeph's heart sank within him as he went, and he began to go faster. And the garments incumbered him as he went. 23. Then he thought within himself. Oh that I might gird up my loins and flee ; but I can- not because of the fashion of the garments. Yet may I not lift up the outer garments about my knees, even as I have seen the women of Gotham lift them up, gathering them on each side in their hands, in the street which is called Broad ? Even so shall I show that I know Ver. 21. Thy ha7idmaid knotvcth fiot where Jeph is. Sad to relate, Jeph's wife lied. She did know where her hus- band was, 3'et she said that she did not Suppose that, by a chance that might easily have happened, she had acci- dentally been shot dead upon the spot by one of the lang- kies, and sent into the next world with her lie unrepented of, how awful the thought that she would lie in torment for all eternity, through yielding for a moment to the tempta- tions of carnal affection ! Because, therefore, we do not know when we may be called to answer for our lies, we should always tell the truth. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 29I how to wear the garments hke a woman ; and the langkies shall say, It is a woman. And he lifted them. 24. And it came to pass that when Jeph lifted the garments and ran, the langkies look- ing saw his feet and his legs running; and they said one to another, 25. Behold now, and see : the garments are the garments of a woman, but the feet are the feet of a man ; neither doth a woman when she raiseth her garments stride in this fashion with her legs, but minceth her steps. 26. And they saw it was a man, and they pursued after. And Jeph raised the garments higher, even unto the girding of his loins that he might flee faster, and they fluttered in the wind behind him as he fled. 27. And the langkies outran him and over- took him, and they saw that it was Jeph the Repudiator, who had boasted himself that he was chief ruler over half the land of Uncul- psalm. And they sent him to Andrew, whose surname was Jon-sing, and Andrew cast him into prison, and there he is unto this day. Ver. 27. Jeph, who boasted himself chief ruler over half *the land of Unculpsalm, was taken by Andrew and cast into prison, like a common malefactor — a lesson to a boasting Phiretah. "And there he is unto this day." This passage plainly shows that the saintly penman wrote this book not long after the end of the war in the land of Unculpsalm. It is difllcult to deny the merit of plausibility to Dr. Trite's 292 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. suggestion that if we could determine the date of the writ- ing of the book we might approximate to that of the occur- rence of the war, while, on the other hand, if we knew when the war took place we could conjecture the date when the book was written. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 293 CHAPTER VIII. 1. The Kopur-hedds seek to Join themselves unto Andrew, "^.Although they have reviled him. 11. Assohkald Ed- dittah craivleth on his belly before Andrevj. 13. Andrew will have none of them. 15. But giveth himself dili- gently to rtilitig the la?id. 16. Augustus the money- changer. 18. Goeth to the land of Jonbool. 19. He is rebuked by other mojiey-chatigers. AND it came to pass, after the slaying of Abraham, that the Kopur-hedds and the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats said among themselves, Lo, now had been the day of om' triumph had we not been at enmity with Andrew who sitteth in the seat of Abraham. 2. For Andrew was a Dimmichrat; but so it was that when he was made governor over his province the Kopur-hedds and the sect of Smalphri reviled him and spoke evil against him day by day, saying, 3. This man is like the beasts of the field, for he walloweth like a sow, and he raveneth like a wolf, and his ravings and his bowlings are like the wild beasts of the forest; he is faithless as a serpent ; even as a cockatrice is he unto the men of his sect and his province. 25* 294 ^^^ ^'^^^ GOSPEL OF PEACE. 4. Moreover, he made garments aforetime for the Phiretahs, and caused them to turn away from the handiwork of the sons of Mizphit. 5. And when Andrew was chosen to be second in the land and to rule if need be in the stead of Abraham, then were the railings and revilings of the Kopur-hedds and the sect of Smalphri against him tenfold greater than be- fore. For they thought that thus they would commend themselves unto their masters the Phiretahs by reviling a man born among them who loved the land of Unculpsalm more than he loved the everlasting Niggah, and who had set his face against them in their rebellion. 6. And chief among them who reviled Andrew was Assohkald Edittah, the scribe in Gotham, who to gain the World had lost his own soul. 7. For although he reviled Abraham and his chief counsellors day by day, and had reviled them for three years, ever since he had sold himself unto the Kopur-hedds in the second year of the rule of Abraham, yet he published it unto the people of Gotham that they should pray that the life of Abraham might be pre- served, lest perchance the rule might fall into the hands of this Andrew whose surname was Ver. 7. No fitter than a Jiorse to rule the land of Uncul- psalm. See note B at the end of this book. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 295 Jon-sing, saying that he was like unto a beast, even to the unclean beast that is worshipped in the city of Swine-sin-naughty, and no fitter than a horse to rule the land of Unculpsalm. 8. For he bethought him not that Andrew might one day sit in the seat of Abraham. 9. Thus it was that the Kopur-hedds were at enmity with Andrew, and that they be- wailed themselves, saying. Behold now, Andrew is a Dimmichrat, and we also are Dimmichrats ; woe unto us that we have reviled him, else we might join ourselves unto him and set ourselves against the Phiretahs ( now that they are con- quered), and he would make us his officers and the government should again be in the hands of our faction, and we should be tax- gatherers, and sit at the receipt of custom. 10. And it came to pass that after a little while they did strive to join themselves unto Andrew, and they bowed themselves down unto him and said, Hail, my lord chief ruler of the land of Unculpsalm that is to be. iVnd they compromised themselves unto him. 11. But of all that compromised themselves the chiefest was Assohkald Eddittah who had gained his World and lost his soul ; for he compromised himself daily before Andrew, and crawled on his belly in the dust before him, Ver. II. Be gracious my lord unto the meanest of thy servants. See note B at the end of this book. 296 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. and said, Be gracious, my lord, unto the meanest of thy servants ; and let the light of thy coun- tenance shine upon thy servant, and suffer thy servant to lick the dust from thy feet, and place thy foot upon the neck of thy servant, for thou art the light of this land and the saviour of this people ; and it is meet and right and pleasant that thy servant should compromise himself unto thee and crawl upon his belly in the dust before thee, and that his body should be thy footstool. Only be gracious unto thy servant and his friends ; and unto thee be the power and the glory, and unto us the loaves and the fishes. 12. But when Andrew had heard this he said within himself. Doth this scribeling think that a man forgetteth on one day that which was the day before ? Do I not know this man and they who bought him, and what they have been these three years when there was need of true men in the land ? Now, as I live, and as my soul liveth, and as I hate a rebel against the government of Unculpsalm, so more than a rebel do I hate and loathe a Kopur-hedd. 13. And Andrew regardeth not the words of Kopur-hedds, but passed them by as an idle wind, and kept his counsel in his own heart. 14. But nevertheless the Kopur-hedds con- tinued to bow down unto him, and the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats magnified THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 297 him, and the Phiretahs abased themselves be- fore him, and they among the langkies who worshipped the everlasting Niggah, and served him only, sought to join Andrew unto them- selves. For they each of them said. If Andrew will join himself unto us we can rule the land of Unculpsalm in the interest of our faction. 15. But Andrew cared for none of these things, and gave himself diligently to ruling the land according to the Great Covenant. And, as he ruled it, not oiily the Kopur-hedds, and the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmi- chrats, and the Phiretahs, but the worshippers of the everlasting Niggah all went about crying, Great is Andrew whose surname is Jon-sing, and we are his prophets ! Hail to him chief ruler of the land of Unculpsalm that is to be hereafter ! 16. And about the time when Jeph was taken captive and cast into prison, Augustus the money-changer, who was one of the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats that set up Litulmak to be chosen chief ruler in the place of Abraham, went to the land of Jonbool ; 17. And passed through it to the countries beyond wherein he was born and brought up, and whither aforetime when Phranclin ruled the land he had been sent as an ambassador ; so that the men of those countries said. Behold they send a stranger unto us : Are there not 298 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. men born in the land of Unculpsalm that are fit to be sent ambassadors, but must they obtain one of our people and send him back to us to speak for them ? 18. And others answered, he hath bought this office of the Dimmichrats with a price. For he hath gathered together much gold and silver in his money-changing, and he coveted honor; and he had such honor as may be bought. 19. Now, when he came into the land of Jonbool, there met him other money-changers, rich men, whose servant he had been, and who had sent him into the land of Unculpsalm to write them letters from that land, with news that they might get gain thereby in their money-changing. And they also were of the circumcision. 20. And when they met him they looked upon him in silence, and Augustus saw that they were wroth with him. 21. Then one of them whose name was Na- than opened his mouth and said unto Augustus, How is it that thou hast not written the truth unto us in thy letters ? For day by day these three years hast thou assured us that the Phi- retahs would prevail, that the land of Uncul- psalm would be divided in twain, and that Jeph the Repudiator would be ruler over one half thereof. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 299 22. Wherefore, believing thee our servant in what thou sentest unto us in thy letters, we have gone astray in our money-changing ; and thou hast not only lost us much money that we had, but hindered us of much money that we might have gained. Tell us now wherefore thou hast done this evil against us, even against us whose servant thou wast, and who lifted thee up and sent thee over into the land of Unculpsalm ? It seemeth to us that thou art not cunning to be a money-changer, or that the truth is not in thee. 23. And Augustus stood before them dumb, and answered not a word. And after these things men heard of him no more. 300 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. CHAPTER IX. \. The Phainyuns. ^. Onldairin. *]. Nohl^ a great caf tain of the blood of the laiigkies. 9. Stayeth the Schyndees z?i Ouldairi7i. 11. The Pahdees conspire in the land of Uticulpsalm. 14. Their Hid-Sintur. 18. Their Sinnit. 20. The Phainyuns declare how it is that they govern Ireland. 21. A schism among the Phainyuns. 27. The three governments of Ouldairin. 30. The end of the Phainytcns. AND about those days there arose certain men, Pahdees, calling themselves Phain- yuns, who conspired together to wrest the isle of Ouldairin from the Queen of the land of Jonbool. 2. Now it was from the isle of Ouldairin that the Pahdees came into the land of Unculpsalm. And they professed great love unto that isle, insomuch that they oftentimes gathered them- selves together and poured out drink-offerings in honor of Ouldairin, and put on green aprons and green apparel upon their shoulders, and put green branches in their caps, and walked about the streets carrying green banners. 3. (For Ouldairin was also called the green isle, and they that came from it into the land of Unculpsalm were called Green-auns) . THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 30I 4. And every man when he wished them to give their voices that he should be made a judge or an officer, must needs praise not the land of Unculpsalm and the langkies, who framed the government and the laws thereof, but the isle of Ouldairin, and the Pahdees who from the beginning neither established govern- ment in their own land nor administered laws anywhere, except in the city of Gotham. 5. Yet, although the Pahdees came from that land because they were poor, and many of them became rich in the land of Unculpsalm, it was never known of any man that a Pahdee returned with his riches to the isle of Ouldairin, that he professed so much love unto, neither he nor his children. 6. But although the Pahdees never had es- tablished government or administered laws in Ouldairin, they diligently sought instead there- of to have schyndees therein, first with the men who sought to establish a government for them, but if not with them then with each other. 7. And the schyndees were great schyndees, and went on without ceasing from one end of the island even unto the other, until there arose one whose name was Nohl, who was a man after the heart of the langkies. 8. And he was of their blood and of their kind, and in very deed he was a langkie, and Ver. 6. See Book I. Chap. ii. v. 3. 302 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. he ruled the langkles and the land whence the langkies had come. For this was before that land came under the dominion of the evil spirit Jonbool, and its people ceased to be like the langkies and became Jonboolish ; which came to pass about four generations after the fathers of the langkies went out of that land. 9. And Nohl was a great captain before the Lord. And he went over to Ouldairin, and he fell upon the Pahdees who had been making schyndees with his officers and each other, and he smote them hip and thigh, and put every man of them to the sword. And he swept that land even as a woman sweepeth a room to gar- nish it. 10. And after that there were no more schyn- dees in Ouldairin, save the schyndees that every Pahdee maketh with some other Pahdee, lest he should pine away and die. For if the Pahdees strove to make a great schyndee against the men of Jonbool, the king of Jon- bool sent officers with a little army, and the Pahdees remembered Nohl, and the remem- brance dissolved their knees and wrought con- fusion in their counsels. 1 1 . But now the Pahdees in the land of Un- culpsalm said one to another. Are we not in the land of Unculpsalm, where the power of Jonbool cannot touch us, or the officers thereof follow us? and we are many and receive THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 303 money ; let us therefore conspire to make a great schyndee in the isle of Ouldairin. 12. And they gathered themselves together, and they took a large upper room, and they placed men at the outside of the outer door, clad in raiment of green and gold, and having drawn swords in their hands. 13. For they said, How shall men know that we are conspiring secretly, unless we set a guard over ourselves? 14. And they chose a chief man to rule them, and they called him the Hid-Sinter, which be- ing interpreted, is the top-middle ; for in the tongue of the Pahdees hid is top, and sinter is middle. 15. For they said, How shall men know of him what he is unless we call him the Hid- Sinter? For how can they know that he is not in the middle unless we call him the hid, and how can they know that he is not at the top unless we call him the sinter f 16. And it came to pass that after many days the Hid-Sinter sent out tax-gatherers, and they went among the Pahdees and chiefly among the Bihdees throughout the city of Gotham and the other cities in the land of Unculpsalm ; and they gathered tribute of the Pahdees and the Bihdees ; and the sum thereof was great, even hundreds of thousands of pieces of silver. 17. Then the Hid-Sinter and his chief offi- 304 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. cers took unto themselves a house great and spa- cious in the city of Gotham, and they adorned it with gold work, and with carver's work, and w^ith hangings of many colors, and fared sump- tuously therein, and poured out drink-offerings night and day unto the isle of Ouldairin. 18. And they set up a government therein, which they called the government of Ouldairin, and choose unto themselves certain lawgivers, which they called the Sinnit. 19. And when men asked of them. How is it that this is the government of Ouldairin, see- ing that Ouldairin is three thousand miles away, and is ruled by the Queen and the law- givers of the land of Jonbool ? that the Phain- yuns answered and said : 20. Is not this man the Hid-Sinter? and are not these men the Sinnit? and do not these other men guard the door in garments of green and gold with drawn swords that men may know that we are conspiring secretly ? And the laws that the Sinnit makes and the Hid-Sinter signs with his name, are they not declared to be the laws of the isle of Ouldairin? and can the Queen of Jonbool prevent this or pass the men who guard the door with drawn swords and ar- rayed in garments of green and gold? How, therefore, is it not the government of Ould- airin ? 21. Now it came to pass that when certain THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 305 of the Pahdees, Phainyuns, saw that the Hid- Sinter and his chief officers lived in a great house, and fared sumptuously every day, and poured out drink-offerings unto Ouldairin night and morning, and lived as if all their kinsfolk and acquaintance were dying day by day, and that there was a ouaic without end, 22. That their souls were moved with envy, and they said each within his own heart. Why should I not live in a great house and fare sumptuously and pour out drink-offerings unto Ouldairin, and have a ouaic without end? 23. But unto each other and unto the world they said. Behold the Hid-Sinter and his offi- cers do not govern Ouldairin righteously, and they waste the substance of the people. 24. Let us therefore declare their govern- ment to be at an end, and let us set up a new government, with a new Hid-Sinter and a new Sinnit, even ourselves. And they did so. 25. And they declared that the first Hid- Sinter was no longer Hid-Sinter, but that their Hid-Sinter was the real Hid-Sinter, and was not only at the top and at the middle but at the bottom and at both sides at the same time ; and moreover they especially declared that tribute- money should no more be paid to the first Hid- Sinter and his officers, but unto theirs. 26. But the first Hid-Sinter and his officers would not be set at naught, neither would they 26* 306 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. cease receiving tribute-money ; but they de- clared that the second Hid-Sinter and his offi- cers themselves were naught. 27. And so it came to pass that there were three governments for the isle of Ouldairin ; one in the land of Jonbool and two in the city of Gotham in the land of Unculpsalm, and that neither of these governments could do ought to hinder the other. 28. But when the Phainyuns gathered unto themselves men, Pahdees, in the island of Ould- airin, who went about there in the night-time with swords and with spears and with staves, 29. The governors sent there by the Queen of Jonbool took these men and cast some of them into prison, and banished others into a far country. And the great council of the land of Jonbool made a law by which the governors of Ouldairin might take any man and cast him into prison and keep him there without trial ; and they did so with many men. 30. And so the end of the Phainyuns was that they brought it to pass, that every Pahdee Ver. 26. They zvould jiot cease receiving trtbtite-money. Note how these poor benighted Phainyuns clung to tlieir filthy lucre ; craving tithes and taxes, and seeking to put their patriotism out to profit. How blest are we and other countries upon whom has dawned the sun of enlighten- ment and Christianity, and who, therefore, neither among our priesthood nor Our politicians find any of this self- seeking I THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 307 in the isle of Ouldairin might be cast into prison and kept there without a trial. And therefore do the Phainyuns in the land of Unculpsalm believe that Ouldairin is governed by their Hid- Sinter and their Sinnit unto this day. 308 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE, CHAPTER X. I. Certain men of Jonhool lend money unto the Phiretahs. 3. And ask it again. 4. The anstver of the Phiretah ambassador. 6. The men of Jo7ibool lelloiv. 8. But ask their money of the men of Unculpsalm. 10. The ambassador of the government of Unciilpsalm asketh payment for certain shijbs. 12. The answer of the rulers of Jonbool. 14. Zoord f>roj)oseth that judges be ap- poi7ited. 17. Saying of the men of Ujiculpsalm. AND about these days certain men of the land of Jonbool, friends of the Phiretahs, to whom they had lent money, hoping that they would receive the same with usury, 2. (As it is written in the, first book of this gospel, thus shall we be avenged, and turn also every man an honest penny,) 3. Seeing that Robbutleeh had laid down his arms, and that Jeph the Repudiator was cast into prison, went to the ambassador of the Phi- retahs in the land of Jonbool, saying. Pay us that thou owest. 4. To whom the ambassador answering said, I owe you nothing. For it was not unto me that ye lent the money, but unto the ambassa- dor of the ruler of the Phiretahs. Behold, now, THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 3O9 there is no longer a ruler of the Phiretahs, nei- ther are there Phiretahs any more in the land of Unculpsalm, and so therefore am I no longer an ambassador ; for no man can be an ambas- sador when there is none to send. 5. Go now, therefore, and find your debtor, for I am not he ; and when ye have found him, ye shall receive your own with usury ; and so, although ye be not avenged, ye shall turn every man his honest penny. 6. Then these men of Jonbool gathered them- selves together and looked in each other's faces in amazement and perplexity ; for they said, We cannot find our debtor, for he has vanished from the face of the earth. And they began to bellow forth their grievance ; for there is noth- ing that grieveth the men of Jonbool so sore as not to receive their own with usury ; and the noise of their bellowings was heard throughout the land and upon the sea, even the bellowing as of the bulls of Bashan. 7. And after they had bellowed for a time, a certain man rose in their assembly, and said, Behold, now, there is no longer any ruler of the Phiretahs, neither any nation of Phiretahs to pay us our money which we lent to destroy the government of Unculpsalm ; but the rulers of Unculpsalm have driven out the rulers of the Phiretahs and rule the whole land of Uncul- psalm as aforetime. 310 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 8. Let therefore the government of Uncul- psalm and the people thereof which inhabit the country of the Phiretahs pay us the money that we lent that the government of Uncul- psalm might be destroyed, as it is meet and right for them to do. For whatever may be destroyed, there always remaineth some man or some thing to whom it belongeth to pay every man of Jonbool his own with usury. 9. And the saying pleased the assembly ; and they all cried out Eer-eer and Oor-ae, which, in the tongue of the Hittites and Ham- merities of Gotham, is Hi hi and Bulhephur- ewe. 10. But when the ambassador of Andrew said to the rulers of the land of Jonbool, Behold, now, the ships of war which the shipmen of Jonbool builded for the Phiretahs, and which went forth from you without let or hindrance to burn the ships of our merchants upon the seas, did great damage to us and to our people with whom the men of Jonbool are not at war, but to whom the rulers of Jonbool profess friendship. 11. Pay us therefore for the ships which have been burned, because ye did not let or hinder your shipmen in building ships for the Phiretahs, or the Phiretahs in taking them from your havens, but winked at their doings. 12. The rulers of the land of Jonbool THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 31I answered and said, Go to, we will not pay, neither is it unto us that ye are to charge your losses. Look ye yourselves after the ships of your merchants. It becometh not the rulers of the great land of Jonbool to let or hinder any man of Jonbool in turning an honest penny whosoever may suffer by reason thereof. The laws of the great land of Jonbool are as the laws of the Medes and Persians and alter not, except when it is to our profit to alter them, nor can we change them only to hinder our shipmen from building ships to destroy the government of Unculpsalm. 13. Then the ambassador of the land of Unculpsalm took counsel with Bilhe, whose surname was Zoord, and said unto the rulers of Jonbool : 14. Behold, now, we are at issue in this mat- ter. If ye will not pay for the ships which the ships of war that were builded in your eyes and which have come out before your faces have destroyed, let there be a judge appointed to pronounce judgment between us, according unto the testimony ; and let the judge be one who is held in honor in the land of Jonbool and in the land of Unculpsalm. 15. But the rulers of the land of Jonbool answered and said. We will neither pay, nor shall there be a judge appointed between us. 312 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. i6. This did they after the manner of the rulers of the land of Jonbool ; and the men of Jonbool after tneir manner cried Eer-eer and Oor-ae. 17. Then said the men of Unculpsalm one to another, Content ; we can wait and see what time will bring forth out of this matter. This example may be worth more unto us than pay- ment. 18. And when the Phainyuns in the land of Unculpsalm arose, the hearts of the merchants of Jonbool quaked and their knees knocked together; for they looked that the men of Unculpsalm should help and encourage the Phainyuns. And their scribes wrote in the books which they published day by day unto the people, that this thing should be. But such was not the manner of the langkies, which now ruled in the land of Unculpsalm. 19. For it came to pass, at the end of the first year after the rebelHon of the Phiretahs was brought to naught, that certain men of the Phainyuns, 20. Moved by the cries of the Pahdees and chiefly of the Bihdees, which said. We have given unto you of our money, and what have ye done therefor ? Ye have fared sump- tuously, and poured out drink-offerings unto Ouldairin, and lived as if there had been a ouaic without end, and have had men stand- THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 313 ing at your doors clad in green and gold and with drawn swords in their hands, 21. But ye have made no schyndee, neither brake ye the head of any man, or had ye any one of you his own head broken, nor did ye minister occasion unto us for a single ouaic. Give us back therefore our money, for we have received nothing therefor, 22. Went over into the land of the Kahnux, near the place of the Falling-Waters, and began to make a schyndee there in the name of Ould- airin. And they brake the heads of the Kahnux, which bled before them. 23. Then did the Phainyuns which were in the land of Unculpsalm begin to flock north- ward that they might cross over and join their fellows. 24. But Andrew sent out a proclamation against them, and commanded George the Mede that he should take soldiers and turn the Phainyuns back from the borders, and take prisoners them which would go over or which had gone over and essayed to come back. 25. Also the soldiers of Jonbool which were in the land of the Kahnux came down upon the Phainyuns so that they fled and were dispersed, and their schyndee came to naught. 26. Then were the men of Jonbool and the rulers thereof amazed that the langkies should be just to their ill-wishers and offend the 27 3T4 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. Pahdees. For the rulers of that land turn neither to the right nor to the wrong, but go which way leadeth to their profit; and so they look that the rulers of other lands shall do. And for a long time they marvelled and were astonished at these doings of Andrew whose surname was Jon-sing and of the langkies. THE NEW GOSPEL, OF PEACE. 315 CHAPTER XL 1 The end of the DimmicJirats draiveth nigh. 4. The building of the scaffolds. 8. The Ditmnichrats in the ;province of Gotham have no scaffold. 11. They take counsel of a Durrektah. 13. And steal a scaffold from the Eiinyimmen. 16. The Eunyumnen are dismayed. 19. But they build another scaffold. 21. The Niggahs are set free by the Great Covenant. NOW after Andrew, whose surname was Jon-sing, had governed the land about six months, men began to see that the days of the sect of the Dimmichrats were numbered. 2. For about that time the rulers of many of the provinces of the land of Unculpsalm were to be chosen. And the sect of the Dimmi- chrats set up their men to be chosen, and the sect of the Eunyunmen set up theirs. 3. Now, they who had held up the hands of Abraham and his councillors throughout the war against the Phiretahs, without regard to their own sect or faction, called themselves Eunyunmen ; and chief of these Eunyunmen was Andrew, whose surname was Jon-sing, whom the death of Abraham had made chief ruler. For he had been a chief man amongf 3l6 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. the Dimmichrats for many years, and had given his voice against Abraham the first time that he was chosen ; yet was he among the first and the strongest of those that held up the hands of Abraham and his councillors against the Phiretahs. 4. Now it was the custom in the land of Un- culpsalm when any man would be chosen ruler, either chief ruler over all the land or ruler over a province, for his friends and they of the sect who would have him chosen, to build a scaffold, and set him up on high thereon for many days before the people. 5 . And the people gave much thought to the making of these scaffolds, and the planks and the fashioning thereof had meaning in their eyes. And when a man was set up to be chosen ruler, they walked about the scaffold whereon he was lifted up, and examined it with care, and saw of what it was builded, and how it was fashioned, and chiefly whether it was a scaffold which would seem good in the eyes of others ; so that when a man was set up to be chosen, they asked one of another, not whether Ver. 5. Note the extreme folly of these men of Uncul- psalm, in concerning themselves less whether a man was wise and just and a lover of his country, than upon what sort of a scaffold he stood to gain their voices. An unmis- takable mark, this, of the primitive period at which this book was written, and of the rude and semi-barbarous con- dition of the people to whom it refers. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 317 he was wise and just, and a lover of the land of Unculpsalm, but, what was his scaffold. 6. And these scaffolds were preserved from the choosing of one ruler unto the choosing of another; and therefore they were held in honor. But sometimes a scaffold waxed old; and because it was decayed and weak, it broke down under him that was lifted upon it, and he fell amid the ruins thereof among the peo- ple ; and being laughed to scorn, he was not chosen. 7. And to prevent this calamity, the old parts of the platforms and parts that no longer found favor in the eyes of the people were taken out and new planks put in the places thereof, so that at last the substance of the scaffold was entirely changed, and yet was it called by the same name. 8. And it came to pass that when the time drew nigh to build the scaffolds, the chief men of the Dimmichrats in the province of Gotham, seeing that the scaffolds whereon the men of their faction had been lifted up in other prov- inces were looked upon askance by the people, although much of the old, which seemed goodly Ver. 7. The scaffold ivas entirely changed, and yet it was called by the same name. Surely there was nothing like this ever heard of in this country, except the famous jack- knife, which had had three new blades and two new handles and was nevertheless the same old jack-knife. 27* 3l8 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. in their eyes in the days when they looked upon it lying upon their bellies as they com- promised themselves before the Phiretahs, had been taken away, and parts of new fashion put in place thereof, 9. Gathered themselves together before the Eunyunmen came together in counsel, and took counsel one with another, and said, 10. What shall we do for a scaffold on which our man may be lifted up, and which will seem goodly in the eyes of the people, now that they are standing up before the Lord like men, even as our old scaffolds seemed when we looked upon them lying on our bellies before the Phi- retahs? For the people are possessed of the evil spirit Bak Bohn, and they will have none of those things. And they were at their wits* end; for they could not find wherewithal of their own to make a new scaffold that would please the people. 11. But a certain man among them, a man of craft and subtlety, which also was a Durrek- tah, and gathered his gold upon the roadway which leadeth unto the city of the Bisons, as thou goest unto the land of the Kahnux by the place of the Falling Waters, and the roadway is called Gothamsentrul, opened his lips in the as- sembly and said, 12. Why should we take thought and trouble about building a scaffold on which to set our man, when there is one builded already? THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 319 13. And they asked him, what meanest thou? and where is this scaffold? And he answered and said, Even the scaffold of the Eunyunmen, which is ready to our hand. Let us take it and set our man thereon, and the Dimmichrats shall say, Behold it is our man, and the Eunyunmen shall say, Lo, is it not our scaffold? and we shall have all their voices. 14. And the saying pleased the assembly. And they did according unto the saying, and went secretly and stole the scaffold of the Eun- yunmen and set up their man upon it. 15. And all the people marvelled at the craft and the subtlety of the Durrektah, which did his robbing upon the road called Gothamsent- rul which leadeth unto the city of the Bisons. 16. Now, when the Eunyunmen saw what had been done, they were astonished, and knew not what to do. And their chief men assem- bled themselves together in sore perplexity, saying, 17. Woe are we ; for our scaffold is not only taken from us, but it is used by the Dimmi- chrats, who set it up as their scaffold, and we cannot get it of them by suing them at the law ; and if we make one like unto it, men will say that we have stolen the scaffold of the Dimmi- chrats ; for they were before us in this matter. And the Eunyunmen were at their wits' end for a scaffold, so that some of them said, Let us 320 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. give our voices for the Dimmichrats, because they stand upon our scaffold. i8. But a certain man among them arose and said, Why are ye thus cast down, and wh}^ do ye talk thus foolishly together ? Let us build another scaffold of our own like unto that which the Dimmichrats have stolen from us ; and let us set up our men upon it, and it shall come to pass that when the people see that both the scaffolds are the same, then they shall do what they have not done aforetime, and they will look at the men instead of the scaffold, and see who they are and what they have been. 19. And it shall be that when they find one man is a Eunyunman, and that both stand upon the same scaffold and preach from the same pulpit, that only those will give their voices for the other which are Dimmichrats, caring more for their faction than for the government of Unculpsalm. 20. And though they still doubted and were sad at heart, the Eunyunmen did as this man had counselled. And it was as he had fore- told. For the people said, These men pro- phesy in the same words and stand on scaffolds which are like one to the other; but one of them is the friend of James who faced both ways, and of Phernandiwud, and of Horatio, who is called Seemer. Let us therefore give our voices for the other who is not of the syna- gogue of Satan. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 32 1 21. So the Eunyunmen were chosen in the province of Gotham as well as in the other provinces ; and the voices for the Eunyunmen were as the voices of a great multitude, like unto the waves of the sea for numbers. 22. Moreover, about those days a new sen- tence, even a great decree, was added to the Great Covenant; and this new sentence and decree set the Niggahs free in all the land of Unculpsalm, and in every province thereof for- ever. 23. And even the Phiretahs in their prov- inces consented unto this sentence. 24. And the people rejoiced greatly ; and there went up a great shout from all the land that there was no more any everlasting Nig- gah. And men's hearts were glad ; for they were weary of the everlasting Niggah, and their souls sickened when they thought of the blood and the treasure that he had cost them, and they thought in their joy that they should hear no more of him. 322 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. CHAPTER XII. Choosing of a Chief ruler for Gotham. 3. The mati set tip by Phernajtditvud is not chosen. 5. The Phyarmen cease from off the land. 8. And Phernandi-wud joineth himself tinto the Phainyuns. 11. His oratiofi unto them. 15. yee Ephtrane. 17. And his oration. 19. And his counsel. 21. The Bihdees. 22. Will not look like Aphrite and Adhoivdee. AND again, about these days, the time came when there should be a chief ruler chosen for the city of Gotham. 2. And four men were set up : but Phernan- diwud did not set himself up. Yet did he set up one of the four ; and the men of Tahmunee which were Dimmichrats, but which had held up the hands of Abraham, set up one also, and the Eunyunmen set up another. 3. And he that was set up by the men of Tahmunee was chosen ; but he that was set up by the Eunyunmen was nearly chosen ; and he that Phernandiwud set up had so few voices that men laughed him to scorn. 4. Likewise also the sect of Phyarmen disappeared ; for the lawgivers of the province THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 323 of Gotham declared that there should no longer be any Phyarmen. 5 . And when Phernandiwud saw all these things, that the men set up for rulers were rejected only because they were Dimmichrats, and that the man of his naming was set at naught in the choosing of chief ruler for the city of Gotham, and that there was neither any more everlasting Niggah or any more Phyarmen, he perceived that the foundations of the world were shaken and that the end of the sect of the Dimmichrats was nigh. 6. Then he said within himself. What shall I do? And like Pshawdee when he doubted whether he should join himself unto the Phari- sees or unto the Phyarmen, so Phernandiwud, because there were no longer any Phyarmen, doubted whether he should join himself unto the Pharisees or unto the Phainyuns. 7. But when he considered the Pharisees, and saw that they received no man among them whose walk had been found slantindicu- lar, he joined himself unto the Phainyuns. For he said within himself, Even although the foundations of the world be broken up, the Pahdees will govern Gotham ; and if I join myself unto the Phainyuns they can at any time make me chief ruler over the city. 8. Now to be chief ruler over the city of Gotham no longer brought honor or power to 324 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. any man. For the lawgivers of the province had taken away the power because of Pher- nandiwud and of the Pahdees ; and Phernandi- wud himself had taken away the honor. But the chief ruler of Gotham made many small officers and had offerings of pursentojobs made unto him. Wherefore although the power and the honor had departed, some men sought to be chief ruler over Gotham, and Phernandiwud was among them. 9. And there was an assembly of the Phainyuns at the hall of Peter the Barrel- maker, and Phernandiwud went to the assem- bly, and standing up, he said, 10. Men, brethren, and Phainyuns, the duties of the upright men are three. And the first is, to keep the commandments. All this have I done from my youth up. 11. And the second is to take care of him- self and his family. For is it not written that he that provideth not for his own house is worse than an infidel? Wherefore my brethren ye know that in this I am better than any infidel, and have been from the days when I was part- ner with Marahvine even unto this day. 12. And the third is that a man should be ready to maintain the government of his coun- Ver. 10, II, 12. It has been humiliating, but necessary, and perhaps wholesomely chastening to our pride and self- conceit to point out, in the course of these comments, in- THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 325 try, and to sacrifice himself thereunto. Now I say unto you that to maintain the government of the land of Unculpsalm it is needful that we go to war with the men of Jonbool about the island of Ouldairin ; and for a man to sacrifice himself to his country he ought to offer him- self up willingly to be chosen chief ruler of Gotham ; and this I am willing to do, my stances in which the folly or the wickedness of the people of Unculpsalm has a parallel in our own time and country. It is, therefore, comfortable, though perhaps ensnaring, to cite an instance from our recent annals, which, in the spirit of devotion to religious duty, and of self-sacrifice to princi- ple which it exhibits, corresponds remarkably with the shin- ing example in the text. At a meeting of the Fenian Brother- hood, in New York, at the Cooper Institute, February 12th, 1866, Fernando Wood spoke, and said : — "There are three duties imposed upon man. To his God, which requires obedience and reverence, looking to his welfare hereafter; to his family and himself, looking to his welfare here on earth ; and to his country, requiring sacrifices and endurance in the maintenance of its govern- ment, institutions, and laws. . . . This is the duty of the American citizen, and as an American citizen am I here to-night. " I differ from my friend who preceded me. He says we do not want a war with England. I say we do want a war with England. [Cheers.] And if I were ten years younger than I am, I would be organizing Anti-British clubs while you are organizing Fenian clubs. [Great applause.] I want all my countrymen to be engaged in this war. [Ap- plause.] I decry the doctrine that politicians are not to be admitted to your counsels. I spit upon the idea that our government is to keep aloof from this war. I want it to take an active part in it. [Great cheering.] And I coun- sel acts, ■wa7it acts against the British government." 28 326 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. brethren. Blessed be the Phainyuns, and cursed be the men of Jonbool. 13. Then were the Pahdees pleased with the words of Phernandiwud ; so that they broke out into shoutings and dancings and shaking of staves, which in the language of the Pah- dees are called shall-lay-lows ; and for about the space of half an hour they shouted, Great is Phernandiwud, and great are the Pahdees, and worthy to be rulers in Gotham, and glori- ous are the Phainyuns among the Pahdees, and worthy is Phernandiwud to be a leader among the Phainyuns and chief ruler of Gotham. 14. And there was also at this assembly one named Jee Ephtrane, who had sought to have a road-way of iron and to be a Durrektah in the chief city of the land of Jonbool, which was called Lunn Unn. And he bade the scribes of that city to his house, and made feasts for them, hoping that they would persuade the people to pay money for his iron road-way, that he might live by it and become a Durrektah, and a rob- ber like unto the Durrektahs in the city of Gotham. 15. And some of the scribes went to his feasts and drank his wine, but many would not go ; neither would the people allow him to have his road-way of iron. Wherefore he was wroth with all the men of Jonbool, and chiefly with the lawgivers, and judges and officers thereof, THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 327 and he prophesied against them by night and by day. 16. And at the assembly of the Phainyuns, Jee Ephtrane took up his parable and said, Great is the land of Unculpsalm, and mighty and wise and good are the people of the land, and glorious is the banner of Unculpsalm ; and chief among the people of Unculpsalm are the Pahdees, and chief among the Pahdees are the Phainyuns ; but greatest and mightiest and best and most glorious and wisest is Jee Ephtrane. 17. Accursed be the rulers of the land of Jonbool, who oppress the Pahdees in Ouldairin, and hinder them of their schyndees, and thrice accursed be the men of Jonbool who would not suffer Jee Ephtrane to become a Durrektah, and live by a road-way of iron in their chief city, even in Lunn Unn. For greatest and mightiest and wisest and best and most glori- ous is Jee Ephtrane, who, because of the wick- edness of the men of Jonbool, in that they would not suffer him to be a Durrektah, is the friend of the Pahdees and the apostle of the Phainyuns. 18. And Jee Ephtrane counselled the Phain- yuns, saying. Buy nothing that is made by the men of Jonbool, neither ye nor your wives nor your daughters ; and when the merchants of the land of Jonbool see that the Pahdees will buy none of their merchandise neither in Ould- 328 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. airin nor in Ashantee in the land of Uncul- psalm, 19. They shall set the land of Ouldairin free, and shall bow themselves down before the Pah- dees, and say unto them, Let our lords buy of their servants once more raiment for themselves and for their wives and their daughters, and we shall be their bounden servants and bondsmen forever. 20. This he said because the men of the land of Jonbool lived only to trade. They rose early and lay down late ; they took counsel together in their great assembly of lawgivers ; their scribes wrote books ; they colonized, which in the langkie tongue is annexed ; they went into far countries and into unknown lands, and died of pestilence and famine ; they made war and fought stoutly, laying down their lives freely ; and all this they did that they might entice or compel people to trade with them. 21. But it came to pass that when the women of the Pahdees, even the Bihdees, heard of this counsel, they also, like the langkie women of Gotham who had assembled in the hall of Peter the Barrel-maker, the year before, to pledge themselves in like manner, cried out, 22. Behold ye would make us look like unto Aphrite and like unto Adhowdee. Think ye that we are more foolish than the langkie women who brought to naught the devices of THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 329 the Fuss-women to make them look hke unto iVphrite and like unto Adhowdee? Shall we see the langkie women dressed in glorious ap- parel from the land of Jonbool, while we go in common raiment made in the land of Uncul- psalm ? No I not for all the island of Ould- airin. 23. So this counsel came to naught like that of the Fuss-women, because the Bihdees, like their mistresses the langkie women, lived in fear by day and by night of the evil spirits, Aphrite and Adhowdee. 24. Thus was it, and when the days drew nigh that the sect of the Dimmichrats should come to an end, that Phernandiwud and Jee Ephtrane made unto themselves friends among the Phainyuns. 28* 330 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. CHAPTER XIII. I. TJie vision of St. Benjamin. 4. The mist tipon the land of Unculfsalm. 6. Men ivith their heads looking back- -wards. 8. Prince Joh7i the son of Littulvafi. 11. Alen filed with the east wind. 14. Men with fire hidden in their boso7ns. 17. Idolaters. 20. Men who seek oil out of the rock. 30. A ma?t who walked slantindicularly. 33. Robert of ^ahrji. 39. The vision of the beast. 46. The tiumber of the beast and the meaning of the vision. THE vision of Benjamin the scribe, the brother of Phernandiwud, which he saw sitting in his house, nigh unto Pughtammug, where he wrote the book called Deighlinuze. 2. It was in the fourth month of the second year in which Andrew, whose surname was Jon-sing, was chief ruler over the land, on a day about the sixth hour of the evening, after I had eaten and poured out drink-offerings unto Tahmunnee, that I saw a vision, falling into a trance, yet having mine eyes open. 3. And I looked, and behold I saw before me all the land of Unculpsalm, and all the people thereof, from Ouaydowneest even unto Mecsicho, and from the ocean on the east even unto the ocean on the west. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 33 1 4. And I saw that there was a mist and a smoke mingled together over the land, so that men walked about as it were in twilight, seeing things darkly. And the mist lay thickliest from east to west along the middle of the land, so that the men of the north could not see the men of the south, and the men of the south could not see the men of the north. 5. And there were no more Phiretahs in the South ; and in the North the voice of the Oueecneas was not heard in the land, and the Kopur-hedd had hid himself in holes and cor- ners ; but he alone of the evil things which the war had gendered still lived, and his venom and his craft had not departed from him. 6. And I looked and saw certain men whose heads grew upon their shoulders with their faces looking backwards, so that when they walked they walked one way and looked another, and they stumbled and were uncertain in their going. 7. And it was shown to me in my vision that these were men of the sect of Smalphri among the Dimmichrats which had not forgotten any- thing, neither had learned anything, and could not see that their sect had passed away. And they went about asking, Where are the Dimmichrats? And what is now a Dimmi- chrat? And when they essayed to go forward they went backward ; for their heads and their feet were at variance. 332 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 8. And I looked and saw one of these men sitting in sackcloth and ashes ; and I saw that it was Prince John, who was the son of Littul- van who had been chief ruler over the land of Unculpsalm. And as he sat in the ashes with head looking backward between his shoulders, he laughed and spoke like one whose heart is glad with wine. And he took some of the ashes in his hand and said unto them that passed by, 9. Behold this gold dust from Kalaphorni, is it not richer than the gold of Ophir? And he held up his sackcloth to the passers-by, saying, See the sumptuousness of my raiment, and how I am clothed in silken apparel, even in silken apparel embroidered with gold. 10. Go now, therefore, unto Andrew, whose surname is Jon-sing, and greet him from me, saying. Hail ! chief ruler of the land of Uncul- psalm that is to be hereafter. Behold I, even I Prince John, clad in sumptuous raiment and sitting in the gold dust of Kalaphorni and look- ing forward, set thee up to be chosen chief ruler a second time. And he laughed, and the cheer of his countenance was like one who sit- teth at a feast. 11. And I looked again, and I saw certain men who had filled themselves with the east wind and who were puffed up exceedingly therewith, and had become so light that as THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 333 they walked they kept not upon the ground among their fellows, but as they stepped they rose into the air, even into the mist that brooded upon the land. 12. And as they rose up from the earth into the air they shouted, Niggah I niggah ! nig- gah ! Niggah ! niggah ! niggah ! 13. And I saw that the mist was made of the breath of these men as they rose up into the air and shouted. 14. And as I looked southward, I saw cer- tain other men, who kept a smouldering fire in their bosoms ; and they neither sought to put it out nor to fan it into a flame, but they cherished it, and breathed upon it, and as they breathed they muttered Niggah ! niggah ! niggah ! Nig- gah ! niggah ! niggah ! 15. And I saw that the smoke over the land was that which came from the fire which these men cherished in their bosoms. 16. And I saw one man bowing himself down before the image of a Pahdee ; and he said, Be thou my god, and I will worship thee, only make thou thy servant a ruler in the land. 17. And I saw another man bowing himself down before the image of a Niggah ; and he said. Be thou my god, and I will worship thee : only make thou thy servant a ruler in the land. 334 '^^^ ^^^ GOSPEL OF PEACE. 1 8. And the man who bowed himself down before the image of the Pahdee cursed the men of Jonbool ; and the man who bowed himself down before the image of the Niggah cursed Andrew, the chief ruler, and reviled the Great Covenant. 19. But there were some which bowed down before the image of the Niggah, not praying that they might be rulers in the land, but be- cause he was the everlasting Niggah, and him they sought to make even as the langkies and as the other men of Unculpsalm. 20. And I looked again, and I saw certain men seeking oil out of the rock ; and I said to one of them. What meaneth this ? And he said, I will show thee. 21. And there passed before mine eyes a lake that smoked and sent up fumes of fire and brimstone ; and I considered and saw that it was the lake which covered the cities of the plain, even Sodom and Gomorrah, and that I was shown what had been in the beginning, because the lake yet smoked. 22. And upon the shore of the lake there walked a man searching diligently. And he who showed me this said unto the man. What seekest thou ? 23. And the man answered and said. Behold, the Lord hath just destroyed the cities of the plain with fire and brimstone and oil of the THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 335 rock, and I was one of the nine just men in Sodom to whom there was not found a tenth. And I only have escaped, and my house and my wife and my children are consumed. 24. And now I seek here for oil of the rock that is left of the burning, (for peradventure the Lord may have had a little over,) that it may not be lost, but that I may take it and trade with it. 25. And the man who showed me this said, Behold he is the father of all them that trade in Gotham, and chiefly of them that have their merchandise in the oil of the rock. And the lake vanished away. 26. And as I looked, one of the multitude which sought oil out of the rock, fell upon his knees and prayed that he might strikile ; for in the langkie tongue this meaneth to find oil of the rock. 27. And there came to him a man in priest's garments and rebuked him, saying. Ye ought not to pray for oil, for to do thus is a wicked- ness and an abomination. But the man answered, and said. Go to, do ye not pray for rain? And if ye may pray for rain, which is but water, why may I not pray for oil ? 28. And the man in priest's garments answered him nothing, but cried out upon him Anathema ! 29. And in all this time, I heard voices com- 336 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. ing out of the clouds over the land, crying, Niggah ! niggah ! niggah ! Niggah ! niggah ! niggah ! 30. And I looked again, and I saw a man walking slantindicularly, and holding his right hand behind him with the palm thereof upward. And I saw not the face of the man, but I said within myself. His walk is as the walk of Phernandiwud. 31. And I heard the voice of the man whose walk was slantindicular ; and it was a smooth voice ; and it said. Give me money out of the treasury of the people, and I will share it with thee. 32. And I saw men dropping money into the right hand of the man whose walk was slantindicular. And they were of the people called Ophisoldurs, and of the noble army of counter actors. 33. And I saw Robert of Jahrji, who dwelt among the tombs, who was ono of the lawgivers of Unculpsalm before the war, and to whom Phernandiwud had compromised himself, and crawled on his belly when he demanded the arms which were kept by Ken-Edee, chief captain of the watchmen of Gotham, from going to the Phiretahs of Jahrji. 34. And Robert, who dwelt among the tombs, approached the man whose walk was slantindicular, saying, Hail ! my brother ac- THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 337 cording to the order of the Dimmichrats ! And the man whose walk was slantindicular passed by Robert without greeting, answering only, Vanity, vanity, all is vanity ! Give me money out of the treasury of the people, and I will share it with thee. 35. And Robert turned away and met one of the people called Gnuzebois, which dwell in Gotham, and which are small of stature but loud of voice, and which fear no man, neither have respect unto any man. And the Gnuze- bois are Pahdees, and the sons of Pahdees. 36. And Robert said unto the Gnuzeboi, I trow not that ye of the North have gained much by your victory, seeing that ye treat us neither like conquerors nor Hke friends, and that the Niggah continueth to be the everlasting Nig- gah. When we who were Phiretahs are receiv- ed again among the lawgivers of Unculpsalm, ye shall repent yourselves of all that ye have done these five years. 37. And the Gnuzeboi answering him, said, in an unknown tongue, Ezvhiid am^ which is, being interpreted. Behold, thou art a man of small account in my judgment ; for this is the speech and the manner of the Gnuzebois. 38. And still the voices came out of the clouds above the land crying, Niggah ! nig- gah ! niggah ! Niggah ! niggah ! niggah ! 39. And I looked again, and I saw many 29 338 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. beasts upon the land, even great multitudes, and chiefly round about the cities thereof. And I saw the beasts afar oft' dimly, but I saw that the beasts were evil beasts and marvellous, and like unto no other beast that hath been, neither shall be. And in my trance I strove to get nearer to the beasts, but I could not; for my striving was all within myself, and my feet took no hold upon the ground. 40. Then there appeared a man before me with a divining rod in his hand. And I said unto him. What are these beasts ? And he said, I will show thee. 41. And he stretched out his rod toward Gotham. And I saw one of the beasts that were around Gotham rise up into the air, and he came toward the man with the divining rod, and he passed before mine eyes. Flying he passed ; yet not with wings ; but sailing slowly like unto the flight of an eagle. For he was sustained by the power of the rod. 42. And I beheld and saw that his body was as the body of a serpent behind, and before as the body of a dragon, and the stench of his abominations filled the air round about. 43. And the beast had three heads ; and the head upon one side was as the head of a cater- pillar, and it devoured as it went ; and the head upon the other side was as the head of the unclean beast, even the head of a swine that walloweth in the mire. THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 339 44. And the head between these heads was as the head of a man ; and it was Hfted up on high. And the mouth thereof spake wonderful things, and uttered boastings, and Hes, and prophesied smooth things. And while the head thus spake, they who listened saw not the head of the caterpillar that devoured as it went, or the head of the swine that walloweth in the mire. 45. Now the face of the head that was be- tween the two heads and was raised on high was turned from me. And the man with the divin- ing rod said unto me. Wilt thou see the face of the beast ? for his number is written in his forehead; and this is the beast, he and his kind that thou seest in herds over the land, which afflicteth the land of Unculpsalm in this generation and shall afflict it hereafter. And I answered him, Yea. 46. Then the beast, as he was passing from my sight into the mist slowly and as if with the flight of an eagle that moveth not its wings, turned his face upon me : and I looked upon his forehead, and the number of the beast was four and eleven and forty-four ; and the face of the beast was as mine own, even as mine own natural face when I behold it in a glass. 47. And when I saw mine own face upon the head of the beast, and when mine own eyes looked into mine eyes, the sweat of my fore- 340 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. head was cold and my flesh crept upon my bones. And I essayed to speak, but I could not ; for my tongue lay in my mouth as the tongue of one who is dead. 48. And as I strove, I heard the voices in the mist, crying, Niggah ! niggah ! niggah ! and those in the smoke answering unto them, Niggah ! niggah ! niggah ! 49. Then the vision passed away, and I came out of my trance. And when I considered the matter, I rejoiced in my heart, although the new gospel of peace had not prevailed. For I saw that the last state of that land was like unto the first. END OF THE FOURTH BOOK, THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 34I Note C. In all Oriental literature and in that of ancient Greece and Rome there is no other record of such a deliberate, shameless, and instant change toward a man, upon his be- ing suddenly raised from a comparatively unimportant position to one of great power, as this of the Kopur-hedds and their bought slave the scribe named Assohkald Eddi- tah. But as in our own recent annals we found a counter- part to the self-sale of this individual, in the history of the New York World, newspaper (see p. 155), so do we now find in the columns of that newspaper an example of time-serv- ing quite equal in shamelessness to this recorded by the an- cient Oriental historian, and singularly like it in purpose. The following passages, with others of like character, ap- peared in the World : the first when Andrew Johnson was a candidate for the office of Vice-President, the second when he had taken his seat after his election to that dignified but not influential office, which he was not ex- pected to leave for four years. {From the World, June igt/i, 1864.] " It is a great incongruity to erect such a gorgeous and im- posing pile as the national capitol, and then select a boor for the highest dignitary that enters it. So costly a shrine does not beseem so cheap an idol." . . . " Mr. Johnson seems rather too much nettled for a great man, at his want of social consideration at Nashville, and with exquisite delicacy of taste, he flaunts his nomination in the faces of the ' aristocrats,' as an offset to their con- tempt." . . . . . . ''Was there ever so contemptibly disgusting an exhibition, by a m*an with dignity of character enough to be a town constable.? If we proceed from the elevation of Mr. Johnson's sentiments to the clearness and sagacity of his mind, we shall find that one part of his character can- not put the other to the blush. "To bestow space upon him at all is a mark of respect which we pay, not to his person, but to his new position." 342 THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. {^Frojn the World, March ()th, 1865.] "... If Andrew Johnson had not been drunk on inauguration day, the speech which he would have made would have been less incoherent, but in all other respects it would have been the same. The shallow demagoguerj, the affected ' plebeian ' pride, the real self-contempt and se- cret envy of more fortunate men, these have been betrayed, these have been the stock and staple of every speech of Andrew Johnson for years. We say nothing of his political tergiversation. It is ridiculous to suppose that he ever had any political principles. He was nominated because he had none, but could bellow his bastard 'loyalty' loudly. We refer now to that which was most degarding in his vinous speech — its betrayal of his inmost character. It is neces- sary to affirm either that he has been drunk every time he has made a speech since Mr. Lincoln rewarded his political dishonesty by making him military governor of Tennessee, or else that he is — drunk or sober, boy, man, tailor, sena- tor, governor, or Vice-President — the low boor, which, with infinite pain, in the last Presidential contest, we felt it our duty to declare him to be. His speeches are all alike. This last one in the Senate chamber was no exception, save in its incoherence. Read his speech on hearing news of his own nomination at Baltimore. Let our readers look to their files. It was published at the time. It reeks with the very same vulgarity, the same demagoguery, the same low- lived manners and morals. . . . "The drunken and beastly Caligula, the most profligate of all Roman emperors, raised his horse to the dignity of consul — an office that, in former times, had been filled by the greatest warriors and statesmen of the republic, the Scipios, the Catos, by Cicero, and by the mighty Julius himself. The consulship was scarcely more disgraced by that scandalous transaction than is our Vice-Presidency by the late election. This office has been adorned in better days by the talents and accomplishments of Adams and Jefferson, Clinton and Gerry, Calhoun and Van Buren ; and now to see it filled by this insolent, drunken brute, in com- THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE. 343 parison with whom even Caligula's horse was respectable ! — for the poor animal did not abuse his own nature. And to think that only one frail human life stands between this insolent, clownish drunkard, and the Presidency! May God bless and spare Abraham Lincoln I Should this Andrew Johnson become his successor, the decline and fall of the American republic would smell as rank in his- tory as that of the Roman empire under such atrocious monsters in human shape as Nero and Caligula." THE END. 1^, r^^' ¥. m m, ^':\ f m la, mf t<^:¥:' A /fO ^ if'--- '^'mm \}rm .>*^ fii^ ^;^i^»?^ r.'y.-m mj^m.^^.,im rr i rlo 'v i# u ■ i i \ \ ^^^ S! ^^^^•* :-':''./'