rs 5 50 5 . o SS % V3 ilTaiife- Class GopigM? L2__Hr CQEeRIGHT DEPOSm PROMPTNESS T AM No. 329. A Valet's Mistake /•: / > ) XITS, \!» tin-; \V1 I.Y M \. PRICE 15 CENTS. CLYDE, OHIO ; AMES' PUBLISHING CO. fe GO jd No goods sent C. 0. D. Money MUST accompany all orders. ^ ALPHABETICAL LIST UF ^ xiines' Edition nf Flays. FIFTEEN CENTS EACH UNLESS 0: [SE MARKED. NO. 294 2 164 43 100 125 113 14 321 272 160 208 310 HO 152 279 173 343 162 255 311 283 117 76 141 191 i ii Gray 25c Beau ms Bill Detr.«/». Brae, the PoorHonse Girl.... Brigand? of Calabria Broken Links Beyond Pardon Conn; or, Love's Victory Clearing I < 'l-iiin Niin'ty- Dora Driven to the Wall Driven from Home Dutch Jake East Lynne Emigrant's Daughter •Fielding Manor.....* Gertie's Vindication idmother Hildebrand's Legacy, 25c . T.ie 1 feive s, 25c Haunted ova Shadow Hal Hazard, 25e Henrv Grand en How He Did It Hidden Treasures Hunter of the Alps Hidden Hand ihadows ot the eat Rebellion, 25c Lady of Lyons - Dudley's Secret n Man and Wife MaVicl Midnight Millie, the Quadroon Miriam's Crime I Erie Miller of Derwent Water Mountebanks (The) >ok Airent old Honesty Old Phi's Birthday. Outcasts Wife Oaf on the Wo Id Oath Bound.. Painter of I then! Peon HaogO d Pejey and Pel Doom ■ im O'Rookes' Curse 1" 4 110 7 ~ r> i • i 13 s 11 •J 281 i •> 4 ( v 11 93 ., 314 s i) H) 7 1 i 105 1 8 3 I m 5 4 1 s 10 ,: II '1 4 : 73 1 . 5 b 6 12 -1 4 3 2 .> b h 3 51 i 3 ■ > a .i .■; ,s ] i ■ '■ I 3 1 () 2 3 III 124 4 2 TEMPERANCE PLAYS. Ar Last 7 Adrift fd,i:. IPs !' i; i>'n rhe Miner's Daughter... 9 13 's Warning Drunkard's Doom of a Dr le Wine ' 'up ' 6 Our Awful Aunt 4 Out in the Streets Saved of the Tide i Day Ten \ r i'rht- in a Ki.r-R ■>. ; •d 9 COMEDIES, \ \>y.- In \ D ■ A Pleasure Trip a.l Holiday 5 An Afflicted Family 7 "' red fi Cast< M. K. Phyllis, Girl..'... 3 IWk Alien Spy of Atlanta, 25c Si topi < brier .12 . 5 1! . 6 3 3 Thekla : Tho Adve-ituri 14 s 'Idc ( 'oinroei-cial Drntnnier'.. The Durch Recruit 2 ■neral Manager The. Gentleman in Black.... 'i'li" Haunt -d ill.... The New Magdalen 2 1 ** *\ -i 3 , aw 1! i-u The Reward ofCrime The ! hn'p ats o | Through Snow and Suns' lorn Blossom. dies 1 rE A Valet's Mistake. A COMEDY, IN TWO ACTS, - t — BY — SherwiD Lawrence Gnnk, iuthur of "Only an Activsa," "A Financial Crisis," "Unclt Ethan," etc. o- rO WHICH IS ADDED A DESCRIPTION OF THE COSTUMES— CAST OF THE CHARACTERS- ENTRANCES AND KX ITS-RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE PERFORMERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE WHOLE UK THE STAGE BUSINESS. Knl> -•' 1 am ordino to the act of Con rre»s in the war 1894, l>j a MES 1 }' en i. isuiya CO., t-Zinlf in tht office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. •O -CI.YDK^ OHIO:- AMES' PUBLISHING COi o5 5St\ 8 -4 VALETS MISTAKE. CAST OF CHARACTERS. As produced under f ■ personal direction of the author by The Warren Comedy Company. Herbert Holworthy it* oa„ • r n -, Harry Fessendex. . Mr ' 8 %™ n f'^ ook ' Don. Elwell. ... rr c' u> ^ Car ' y ' Edith Stocton £/« flT^ , z?^* Edith Flyaway.';;. miIVa^T?*!? *"*' Mrs Ft yaw* v J/iSA ^»»'« #. Hanson. LY ' tco'ored) z1/ ^ JfiM . e IL Bla . ne -x- NoTiCE.-^rhis comedy is gratefully dedicated to mv friend and instructor, Mr Henry B. Hall, of the Lewes School, of Soxbnr" %2&ss$ ^»r nt of his he,p and councii d - rt w ■£& o. L, (_/, -X STAGE DIRECTIONS. R., means Right; l., Left; r. h., Right Hand ; l. h, Left Hand- c.,Center; s.e, [2d E.JSeoond Entrance; u. k. Upper Entrance : MB., Middle Door; p., the Fiat; d. f,, D or in Fiat R c r i,u of Center ; l. c, Left of Center. ' - ' Klg,U R ' R ' c - 0. L . c. L . %* The reader is supposed to be upon the stage facing the audience. A Valet's Mistake. ACT 1. SCENE. —A room in the Fast Branch House, Low r Bartlett, .V. IF. The first hop of the season in progress, Marcus discovered tUStiltlfm Marcus. Jus' po Massa Herbert, you can't fool dia chi'ken no longer by dla tomfoolory. Things has come to :i crisis, [f deae tings continners* Auralius Brown gives notice, dats what lie doe-. Bui Lordy, there aint no such thing as Btopin'ofit. Ah Massa Bertie, I knows the Bymptoms! When you staid to hunt' frum the card party nt Keassearge the other night, I wuz spicius; but when yon en in home early for her alt'-rnoon tea, the ratty odor wuz very perceptible, and now, whew! Yer sister axes yer, will you stay at home to-night, an' you shrugs your shoulders and ''guesses not" an' then you jest happens to ask who all am goin' to he there. An' doan you look glum, till she mention- Miss Stoctons name P Then you jump as though a pin was stuck inter you? I doan 'spose you -ay. ''perhaps you'll drop in during the course of the evening," act fidgety all day, dress up afore supper, and act as though there was RO such thing as a club this side of .Jeiico. You'r Bmitten, you am. (dusts again) But golly, who'd a thought it wuz catching? [comic business) Master and Mistress, man and maid; well it might he worse. Dolly am quite a gall, holds her head high, plenty Ol spirit, a regular thoroughbred all 'round. (Dolly heard singing outside) Lord! an' if here aint the object of my tender affections, fust look kinder slick I 'spose. (arranges nectie at glass Enter, Dolly, l. e., still singing. Dolly. ''Pop goes the weazle." [speaks) Hello Marcus! Mar. Hello Doll! Do/. Miss Dolly, sir, if vou please. Mar. All right Miss Dolly, sir. Dol. Impudent. Mar. Datso? Well if that is impudent, let me call vou just plain Dolly, and not. so very plain either. Dot. Flatterer! Goodness, what do men know about dnstin°"? [takes duster) Whew! what a layer of dust, and 'most time lor the party too. You are neatness personified ! (dusts rapidly, knocks down vase, which Marcus catches Mar. Gorxl Lord Dolly, what's you about? You don't kno^v nullin' at all! 4 A VALET* S MISTAKE. Dot. Very well, Mr. Marcus, I know enough to leave when I'm not wanted. I never will speak to you again. So! (starts l. Mar. See here, Dolly, L's awful sorry. I won't do it again. Honest injum. (pats arm around her Dol. Stop, please Marcus. T should cartainly scream if 1 was sure that nobody'd heir. (Marcus tries to speak) O! I know very well what you want to say, but if you don't let me alone, I may never say "j r es." (he starts to release her) And if you do, I'll say "no" anyway. Mar. Well, that do seem to be a pretty tight place to put a pore niggar in. Dol. I shouldn't mind being in a tighter one. (Marcus takes the hint) Marcus, how dare you hug me like that? (Marcus kisses her) Mercy, you bad man! Goodness! there is somebody coming. Let me go or we will be seen. And if 3^011 will be good and promise all sorts of nice things, we will call it allsettled and — lear me Marcus, let me go. (exit, l., hurriedly Enter, Herbert, r. e. Herbert. Hi there Marcus, you rascal ! So you are up to the regular game, are you? See here man, what right have you to be lashionable? Valets ought not to imitate their masters in that scan- dalous manner, or I mean — that is — Mar. Yes, I know what you mean. Her. O! I've no doubt of it. Mar. Lord, yes sir, I knows all about it. Yer see,?Miss|Dolly an* Edith — no! Miss Edith and Dolly are very much attached to eat h other, and so I'm going to marry the mistress and you can marry ihe maid. 'Twould be a pity to part am, wouldn't it now? Her. You impudent black scapegrace! I've a mind to shake some common sense into your head. Mar. Sense me Massa Herbert. P'r'aps you'd rather reverse th'ngs, so'd 1. (exit, l. e. Her. So poor chap, he's in love. Well, well, I must be lenient with him. If he feels as I do — Enter, Harry, l. e. Ah! my boy, how are you? Harry. So! so! old chap, how wageth the world with vou? Her. Moderately old boy, moJerately. Dduced bore this society though, don't you think? Har. Yes, but you don't. Just throw in Edith Stocton and you cease being bored at once. Now don't try to look surprised. You can't make it effective, never do anything you can't make ellective. O! you are a nice kind of a confirmed bachelor, you are! Her. But— Har. Never but, either. That's a bad way to get into. Let me a tale untold and then deny it if you can. A chap name 1 Holworthy, in company with a younger sister and an elderly aunt, to see thai they behaved, last summer took in a delightful sea-side report. At the hotel they met a number of young people of tieir set and formed one new acquaintance, Miss Edith Stocton. TennK hops, boating and the like, bring the hero ot this romance and Miss Simplicity together a great deal ol the time, and ''yours truly" wouldn't sell A VALETS MISTAKE. & one of blfl hawkeve negative! for a tiny fortune. Possibly you re« member the time l caught it on Bass Rocks. I shouldn't wonder if it had something to do r»ith the Budden change of temperature shown you by .Minnie Prim about that time. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Flossie Tarbeli hasn't Bpoken to you since, has Bhe? Hut let iia not anti- cipate. Herbert, the innocent, and his fair Imo^ene decide to keep up the acquaintance so pleasantly began, andl at's why this deuced bore BOCiety Is endured. That's Why you carry a riuu r in your pocket, waiting to pop ami !)c accepted as a matter "i oourse. Her. Why a matter of course? 11 ir. Ha. ha! Why a matter of course? //.;■. Well, I don'i mind admit iris; that whit jrou 6ay is par- tially correct — partially however. You sec Misa Sto ston was all cut up by the Bud len disappearance of her brother, so when I u r ''' the opportunity, I mean to volunteer a> bis BUbstitUl ), but I be£ leive to assure you that my acceptance is not a muter of course. 0! by the way, how goes your flirtation with the other 10 lith? // y. Her. Sit down old chum. Don. Well I've got a hit of news for you fellows, I'm engaged. Har. Whew! Her. "Golly 1" as Marcus says, who is the vie— or lady? /Jon. Edith. Her. What? Jinn. Miss Flyawav, have you any objection'.-' Her. Not in the least, take her and be happy. Har. It's all right old chap, but how about the mother-in-law? Dm. Hang the m >ther- in-law! Har. Thai's so! Her. There is a lovely piece of vox* down cellar. Har. As I live, here comes the lady herself! (Harry and lliiaa i;i start) Don't run. I me.vi :.i • young lady. Her. (to Harry) Come! let's evaporate. Har. All right. Say Don, when you see him a'one with Edith Stocton, do as much for hi n. Ha, ha! com > along ol l chap. ' "', 1 1 ekbkh i an i Harry, r. e. Enti r, Edi i m Flyaway, l. e. Edith I\ 0! Don, I as!» d mamma, and what do von -uppose she said? Don. S'.e must have been more than delighted. Edith /•'• No! She just said "A great deal better than none, chiM. 1 es, a great deal belter than none,'' and I'm sure 1 agree w'w'i her. Dm. O! do you, you little rogue ? Well, I not only think th.t you are better than Hone, but than all the rest put together. Edith F. There Don, you blessed old hoy, you shall have 9ome« thins: nice for that. 6 A VALETS MISTAKE. Don. May I? There then, and there. (kisses her Enter, Edith Stocton, l. e. Just one more and— (sees Edith Stocton) Thunder and lightning ! (exit, R. e., the ladies laugh Edith F. You won't tell will you Miss Stocton? Because our engagement is partially a secret. Edith S. Be sure I won't my clear, but are you perfectly sure you'll be as happy as you conld wish to be with him? Now f r my part I should prefer a man more like Mr. Holworthy. Edith F. And I think he would prefer a lady more like you. I trust that you don't intend to enter upon such a thing a9 an engage- ment with him just yet. Edith S. I assure you that I shan't until he asks me, and he ig about as timid as he very well can be. Edith F. Well, as he seems to be coming this way, I think I'll go and give him a chance. Edith S. No ! don't go just yet. Enter, Herbert, l. e. Her. Good evening ladies. This is indeed a rare treat, (aside) Now what in the name of providence possessed that litt'e flirt to come in heri at this time ? (aloud) A most lovely night. The view of the moon from the piazza. Miss Flyaway, is simply delicious. Edith F. Yes, I came from the conservatory a few moments ago, but if there is any thing to be seen, I rnu-t see it. (exit, l. e. Her. (to Edith) We seem to be alone. Egad we are — are alone. (a pause, then aside) Stage fright. Edith S. Yes, Mr. Holworthy, we are alone, (aside) If this continues, I hope we shan't be alone very long. Her. My dear Miss Stocton; Edith, if 1 may call you by that' melodious, er nickname, (aside) Blank it, what a consumate ass I am ! Edith S. Of course. Her. Eh? Oh! Edith it shall be then until— until the end of time, (aside) Poetic enough for a starter. O ! by the way I was christened Herbert, but it's a fact of no particular consequence. Edith S. (aside) How charmingly, toots like! Her. Edith, the interview I desire with you is one of great im- portance to me, and 1 hope to you. Edith S. (aside) I believe he's going to do it. Her. What I want to say is — is — (aside) I begin to feel that the job is bigger than the man. Edith S. Don't you think that if you kept very still for a 'few moments that you could collect your rather scattered senses, and till then good-bye. (starts offL.. Her. My dearest Edith, don't leave me like this. We have not known each other long, but long enough Enter, Mrs. Flyaway, r. e. for me to know that life without you wou'd be a blank, and — (Edith sees Mrs. Flyaway and makes a hurried exit, l. i\, then Herbert aee-i her) The devil! ^exit, l. e. Mrs, F. What a peculiar young man, How rudely he. treated A VALETS MISTAKE. ? mo. I hoped he would ask mo for a dance, but "another hope la dashed to fragments on the cruel ledge ofdlspair." 1 think tharoeh- tlment will do for my novel. EnteTi Harry, r. f. i rood evening, M r. Fossenden //, ,r. (aside) Hump! the old lady, eh? I'll humor her a bit. (aloud) Good evening. Beautiful evening, don'l you think? Mrs. /•'. .\ii! [ am so glad to aee that you air Busceptable to the beaute* of nature, I -hall put a character like you in my next IIOV"]. Har, Honored I'm sure. v,-.,. /.-_ \i,: Mr. Fessenden, I greatly admire your poetic dis- position. I had hope 1 to till the place of your lamented mother, hut the fate3 willed otherwise. //./>-. [aside) Three cheers for the fates ! Mrs. F. Did von speak? II. \r. Yes. I said tint probably the fates considered you too y »ung to till that office suitably. Mrs. F. (aside) Exquisite sentiment. He shall be the hero of my next novel. (exit, l. k. '/?.<;•. (aside) It's a wonder she didn't propose on the spot. Well, « he follow'sup Don Elwell, sh.'ll mar his counanbial bliss with rengence. Fntcr, Herbert, r. e. Her. Meditating on matrimonv? Har. Not exactly. Were you? Her, Decidedly. /// . Then I'll get out. Her. Nodont*! I want your advice. I half proposed to Edith to-night, and that confounded Mrs. Flyaway blundered in ami -polled it. Now. if you will dictate a nice sensible letter, you will oMiu'e, yours truly. (sits at desk Il.tr. "My own darling Edith?" Her. Bosh ! be sensible. Har. "Miss Stocton, respected lady?" Her. Say, are von sane or not? Har, "My dear Edith?" // r. All right, tire away! Har. (dictating slowly > r 'tile Herbert writes) "You cannot but have suspected my feelings towards yon for the past year, and since to-night I cannot but hope that you will look favorably upon this declaration. Wh*»n we fir«t met your beautv excited my sincere admiration, and now I fe I that you will not he surprised when I Btate, that you have twined an ivy over that delicate and suscepti- ble portion of the physical anatomy, called the heart, which time never em uproot, (not the heart, but the ivy, you understand.) Hoping i hat you reciprocate my affection, I take this opportunity to Lender you my hand and above mentioned heart. Enclosing stamp for reply, I remain, yours siucerely, H. L, II." (aside) Clark's Complete Letter Writer, Form 37, revised and adapted. Her. Don't flatter yourself that I put in all that rubbish. Well, it's done anyway, Just amuse yourself, will you? and when I've * A VALETS MISTAKE. flashed off this other note, I'll be with you. {writes — after folding notes — calls) Marcus! Marcus! Where is the black vagabond ? Enter, Marcus, l. e., yawning. Mar. Did you call, Massa Herbert? Her. Yes! Take this note to Miss Stocton and this to Miss Flyaway. Har. You'r not proposing to them both, I trust? Her. Hardly. You see Edith Flyaway's brother Tom, w!io was \ classmate of mine at college, is settled over a parish somewhere in Illinois, and as business will soon call me to Chicago, I may run down and see him. 80 I ask his sister for his address, {to Marcus) You needn't wait, Ebony, and see here, no flirting with Dollv on the way, for I'm afraid the ladies will be gone before you can get the notes delivered as it is. {exit, Herbert and Harry, r. k. Mar. O! Lord. He done put no writin' on the outside and I done clean forgot which am whiches, and ten to one, if I come back, thout 'em delivered, I'm a dead nigger. Poor coon ! I got it; {lays letters on the floor) I toss up this cent, and if it comes clown heads, I takes {points to letter on right) you to Miss Stocton, and if it comes down tails, I take {left) you to Miss Flyaway. No, dat ain't it. It this, way. Heads, Stocton wins; tails, Flyaway looses. No, dat ain't itj niether. {takes up one letter) Heads, your Flyaway; tails, your Stocton. Dat am it. (tosses up) Heads It am. Dan this am Miss Flyaway's, dis am Miss Stocton's, and {picks up cent) dis am Mr, Brown's. {exit, l. e. Enter, Donald, r. e. Don. Why in the name of all that's respectable, does'nt that! gorgan retire ? Here she's given her consent to our match, and if she had a thimblefull of sense, which by the way she hasn't, she would stay at home and write her novel. Ah ! here she comes now, and I won't run as I have been all the evening. Enter, Mrs. Elyaway, r. e. Mrs. F. My dear son-in-law-that-is-to-be, I am so delighted to find you alone. Don. I'm glad that somebody is delighted. Mrs. F. Oh! I see that you are facetious. I do so love humorous people. My novels are full of them. But what I wished to see you alone for, was to lay the plans for our little home. Don. Whose little home? Mrs. F. On is, after we, that is Edith and you are married. Don. I have no objection to your laving the plans, but at any- thing further, I draw the line. I believe your home is in Boston, Edith and I intend to board, in San Francisco. Mrs. F. And pray what is to become of me? I on. I am sorry to say that we are not in Utah, and even if we were, I could not take it on myself to, in a common phrase, marry the whole family. Good-evening, {exit, l. e. Mrs. F. Monster! Wretch! Happy thought, he shall be th< villain of "Roderick, the Red Rambler." A VALETS MISTAKE, s Ent> r, Edith Fi v w v kY, r. b. •■■« /■'. Mamma, of all the horrled things thai ever happened to me in my life, l think thh is the worst What motive could Herbert Hoi worthy have In proposing tome, wh m he has been courting Edith Stocton P Mrs. F. {asidi Can't marry the whole family. Wc arc going to board, taloud) Well my dear, I congratulate you. He is much better off than thai temporary Hani" of yours. Edith F. < i<>*»*lri* 1 ' — I ma. how can rou talk so? Am I no! en- gaged 10 Don? Ami I don't like thai Holworthy chap one bit, a '1 I'll never have him or anj body I ul jusl Don. So there! (exit, i.. >". Mrs. /•'. We shall see child, we shall see! [exit, l. e. Ent< ' . M \l;< I 3, R. R. Mar. [.only Maesa! what have 1 done? Miss Edith do look all broke u)) an to'thcr one'- mad, an' Dolly won't have nuffin' to say to iie- % ami I feel as ii I was goiu' i" be shot In battle <•• elec r itined or 8U mil n 1 worse. (retires up stag t I I l RB] I: I Q "' 1 I V RRY, R. K. //•;■. Here'sa letter and I'm hair afraid to open it. Well here goes, (opens letter — reads aloud) k *Mv dear Herbert, I received your somewhat unexpected welcome letter this evening, an I read it \\ iih mingled feeling of pleasure and pride. I. -t it suffice for me to say that 1 am ever your own Edith " Zip ! she'll have me old man. I >«> you hear, she'll have me. Ecstasy ! (cafe ics hold oj M lrcus in- stead of 1 1 kRKY) Rats ! (kicks M.m:i t s and clasps II irry's hand, Marcus exits, L. k. llnr. Congratulations old boy, you know 1 said it was a matter i 'I course. Enter, Dolly, r. e. Her. Yes I know, -till 1 think I am the luckiest dog that ever drew a breath. Dol, 1 don't, (coming forward) Miss E lith sends this note. (exit, r. e. Ikir. She corresponds Frequently, doesn't she? //-/•. This is not in the same hand as the other. II ing it man, what due- this mean? He's gone. Well this is rather queer, (opens ii and reads) ''Mr. Holworthy, I am in receipt of your discourteous note." (aside) 1 didn't write her two. (leading again) "Allow me to say that your heartless joke has had it's desired effect. 1 now i equest that all relations between us be con? idered at an end. Miss Stocton.'' (tosses down note) This is a forgery. Har. No it isn't. Her. Then the other is. Har. (): no. Jlcr. Then she is playing a solo on my feelings. Har. Xot at all. Her. Fessenden, you'r an ass. Har. You flatter. 10 A VALETS MISTAKE. Her. Ceaser! What do you mean anyway? Har. Look here, you put no addresses on those notes. The two you have received are in different hand writing. Put two and two together and throw in the extraordinary thickness of Marcus' head, and draw your own conclusion. Edith Flyaway received the pro- posal and returns the acceptance, while Edith Stocton, who*e brother disappeared so suddenly a short time ago, receives a note asking for his address, and navurally returns the answer that you hold. For further particulars address Marcus Aurelius. Her. I believe you'r right. Let me get my clutches oa that mis- erable darkey. But of course I can make it all up with Edith. Har. Don't be rash. How about the one that is ever your own Edith, that receives your note with mingled feelings of pride and pleasure? Her. Now I think that I am the unluckiest dog that ever drew a breath. Enter, Bottlesby, l. e. Bot. A letter for you sir! Her. Hello Peter, is that you? (.takes letter Bot. Yes sir! Her. Any answer? Bot. I think not sir! Mr. El well told me not to wait. Her. Then why do you? Bot. I thought perhaps that you had forgotten something, sir! Her. O! yes, very thoughtful of you, Bottlesby. {tips him) Very thoughtful indeed. Bot. Yes sir! Thank 'er sir! (exit, l. e. Her. Here Harry, you read it, I'm not on speaking terms with notes now. Har. (after reading) Here's a lark. Her. What is it? Har. Don says that he "has found out your proposal to an 1 ac- ceptance by his affianced, and challenges you to a duel.". Her. That is a lark, isn't it? (goes up stage to decanter) After 1 have had a swallow, 1 may be able to appreciate the lark, (thinks) You'r not in this, (coming down) But of course I shan't light him. I'll explan everything. Har. O! you muSu't. Think of the effect it would have on the ladv herself. l Ier. But 1 might kill him! lar. That would be impossible. Her. Or he might kill me ! Har. He probably will. Her. Then I'm dame 1 if I fight him ! Har. Let me persuade you. Enter, Marcus, k. e. When he speaks they both turn and rush for him taking him by the collar — as they speak they push him from one to another. Mar. Massa Herbert — Har. You rascal ! Her. You villain! What did Miss Stocton, sav when you gav« her that note ? V A VALETS MISTAKE, u War, And what did the other one say? llrr. I )o you know what you've clone V War, Yes, do yon ? Jler. 1 1" you don't, ask 111 n ! War, You've gol Bliss Stocton down on him and — //■ r. Yes, and you've gol me Into a duel and — }/an flghl him, he'll be sure to kill you it you doc-. I'll get around Dolly and— ami tell Miss Edith and — O.' please forgive me, please, please do. Wer, Get out, confound you, get out! Sfor. Here's tie insignificenf piece of c pper what got me Into r ill i Is trouble. Gosh! [throws it away and ex t, r. e. Enter t Mrs. Flyaway, l. e., dragging her daughter — Herbert rises and crossi s stage, Mrs. F. {forcing hi r daughter int > his arms) Take her my— son, take her with a novelist's blessing. Jler. What a snap! Mrs. F, Fie, you'r so co!d. Kiss her my son, kiss her. Her, Oh Lord! (kisses her upon forehead Enter, Km in Stocton, it. k., and discovers group, Edith S. Oh ! what is he doing? Ent> r, Don, l. e., he also < isc »i vs group, Don, M is8 Stocton, may I not accompany you back to Pitman Hall? There is something I want to siy to you. EdithS. (reluctantly) Yes. About to start off and faints ; Edith F.se s herand faints also. Her- bert catching Edith F. and Don Edith S., both shaking their jiits. Mrs. F, What a climax for my novel! CUBTAIN, KM) OF ACT I. ACT ir. SCENE.— Echo Lake y North Conway, N, II. Enter, Herbert and Marcus, l. k. Her. Here we are. Did you notify the police of (his affair as .' told you. 1% A VALETS MISTAKE. Mar. Yes sir! The inspector said that he'd see that Mr. El well was hanged if he killed you, and he'd do as much for you, if you killed him. Her. And was that all the satisfaction you got? Mar. That, and something he said about dueling being a fine thing- for decreasing the surplus population. Her. Marcus, this is a plot against the life of a quiet in-offending citizen. Yes sir! a plot. Confound it, do you think I'm going to submit to be shot down in cold blood? No sir! or warm blood either. I'm going to leave this infernal spot this moment. (starts to leave stage, R. Enter, Harry, r. e. and confronts him. Har. Where are you going? Her. To the spring for a drink, (aside) That's a pretty fair one lor a man in his last hours. Har. (aside) The hypocrite, (takes out flask — aloud) Take this, cold water is but poor food for valor, (aside) Particularly when it's in the minus quantity. Her. Thanks, (aside) Curse the thought that made him bring this, (drinks) it's not so bad as it might be though. (starts to hand it back, but Marcus grabs it and puts it in his pbzkeV Har. What's the matter old man, you don't look altogether happy ? Her. Don't I? How strange! (sings) "After the Ball." Har. Don't do that. Her. 'Just step on the tail of my coat." Harry, my son, I fear you have not the eternal soul to appreciate my melody. Mrs. Flya- way would appreciate it. Har. Would she? Her. Yes. Isn't dueling great fun, Harry ? Har. Ah ! now you take the right view of the matter. Her. Don't 1 though? I fell dead in love with a lovely girl. Very good ! I propose to her ami she get's another letter, which gets her down on me. Extra nice! Another girl, who I like about as much as I do her blooming mother, accepts me. Awlully com- fortable ! Her darned mother pushes her into my arms juntas Edith comes in to make up. Better and better! Finally I got up early in the morning and come out hereto be murdered. Perfectly exquisite! Say Harry, don't you think I'd better go home? Mar. Yes, Massa FessenJen, doan you think we'd all better go home? Har. Home? Why man, would you miss this glorious chance of martyrdom? Your name will go down to history, coupled with that of Alexander Salvini, Hamilton I mean. Her. I'm a democrat, and therefore don't care a continental about Alexander Hamilton. POSITION DURING Til:: FOLLOWING. Harry. Hehbe::t. Marcus. Har. Are there any words you wish to say to me? A tender message for Edith Stocton? A parting blessing for Miss Flyaway? Forgiveness for Don? And have you made your will? Won't you give me something for a keepsake? A J\t I WT*S V! START. M ;/. it. Tea, have n cigarette ,; Har. Jusi glance over this obitu try notice and make any desired Borrecl Ions. Her, Don't talk thai way, you might make me nervous. Ma . An. I by the way, afassa Herbert, cremation la getting to be quite fashionable. Her, I'll break your head In a minute! Har, Never mind, old fellow, act like n man; Mar. Fes, doan let him Bee that you mind II a hit. Make him think that you rather like it. (Harry taket ' isto Hi \ Yes, 1 do rather like it. s How f:ir w i.l those gattlinz guns shoot ? Har, A bout two miles. Mar. And l< i me tell you righl here, thai your only chance is to Are first. Her. I declare, I won't kill him ' Har. (aside) No! 1 don't think you will. Har. lt'< perfect barbarity. Har. Then you will be leading man al your own funeral. Her, 01 I'll fire first. Neverfear. We couldn't have cap pistol*, con hi we P Har, Hardly. Ah! here comes Don. Her. That settles it. (starts to go, Harry restrains him Enter, Don and Boi ii.isky. l. e. Har, Mr. Elwell, let us set about this painful business at once. I>")i. The sooner roe better. I have had no breakfast. Her, 1 knew it' I didn't take some before, I shouldn't after. I di iii'i feel so very hungry though. Har. (to Don) Docs your servant net as your second? Don, Yes! Har, Mr. Holworthy's performs a like office for htm. Gentle- men t |ke your positions. These weapons are my own. Do yoi wHi to have the seconds examine them? D 'a. 1 waive the right. Her, Don't touch those guns, Manns! Comeln're. (aside) Go to Elwell's man and tell him how 1 committed seven murders In Texas, and what an elegant shot I am. You have an imaginative brain. Mar. {front Peter come here h second, will yon? Do yon know wh.-n an elegant shot my master Is? When he found that he'd got to tight your master, he got his pistols and — and commenced to cut clotheslines at fifty feet, and toothpicks in my mouth, without hitting the month— and almost everyihing. But he's sorry to kill your roaster. I heard him Bay, that lie hoped to be pardoned for killing a round dozen to duel-, an' that he was chokin' with remorse, at having to sacrifice another innocent life on the alter of his passion for human blood. An' he's got Kentucky blood in his veins, he has, Bot. I don't care. My master is a perfect monument of valor, lie kin lick anything on two feet. Mar. I'm on two feet just now. Bot. An' I don't except yon. afar. Well, if I said that everybo Jy in the world could lick me, I'd except you. See? Bot. Don't set Bass?, 24 A VA LET'S MISTAKE. Mar. Ef you don't look out, I'll give you what my master's goiti' to give your master. Bot. If you try, something might get broke, that what you can- not eit or put in your pocket. Mar. Come on then, you no account white trash. (they start to fight Har. Here you fellows, stop this, (to principals) Is there no way to stop this duel. Her. Yes, let me go home. Har. (pretending not to hear) Then turn back to hack, and at the w. id three, tire. On^, two, three! (they turn and their pistols click harmlessly Her. I don't seem to have hit him. Enter, Edith Flyaway, l. e. Edith F. Stop you horrid men! Marcus! Peter! Mr. Fessenden! Somebody please hold him. Don't you see he's going to shoot Don? Do take that pistol away. Her. O! I'd just as soon drop it. Edith F. 1 don't care for you one bit, and I'll marry Don in spite of you. Her. Good for you ! Really I am a dreadful cad ! Edith F. And you'r no gentleman to propose to a lady when she's engaged, and I didn't want to accept you, only Ma made me. Har. Just what [ thought. Edith F. And when I got the letter, saying that you were out here killing Don, I came and stopped it. And I think you'r just horrid. Her. Go ahead, the harder you hit me the better I like it. Edith F. O! Don, do let us come away from this horrid place. O! dear — (buries her head on his shoulder and so >s Her. I feel sure that we have all been laboring under a mistake. Edith F. (looking up) And don't you love me tenderly an I truly? Her. Well, not exactly. Har. Let me explain. The letter you got was written to Miss Edith Stoeton, and one for you, was sent to her. You, or rather your mother, accepted the proposal, and thinking that you maant what you said, he did not make the desired explanation. Tne letter meant for you was of a nature, that while to you it could not give offence, it did to Miss Edith. Your reply precluded any explana- tion and necessitated the acceptance of Don's challenge. Feeling sure the truth of the matter was, as it has turned out to be, I sent you the letter in a feined hand and you arrived in time to prevent blood- shed with unloaded revolvers. Edith F. It was all due to Mamma. Her. And Marcus. Don. Well, I'm glad that things have taken this turn. Herbert, you received my tire like a man. (shakes hands Enter, Edith Stocton and Dolly, r. e., walking abstractly; sees group and starts to retire. Edith S. Pardon me, I did not see. Edith F. No! Miss Stocton, you must not go. There has been a mistake here, and I sure it concerns you. A VALETS MI8TARJ2. t& M>ir. Yes, Massa Herbert proposed to you and somebody else got It, an' the Letter you got didn't orter beyouraan 1 Kl Yil it's all right an j u :iv. Edith >'. Well, [{can't just tnakeoul what you mean, but If there's seen a nii*>n. What ? / lith /■'. Hut not quite. Hier, ( after Edith Stocton has read letter) Will you send the answer by special delivery': Edith S. Perhaps 1 won't answer at all. Her. < rushed again ! Edith /■'. Doesn't silence mean — Her. ( onsent? Edith S. Perhaps. Mar. Dolly, as everybody's making up, won't you forgive and — and forsret, and always remember? Dol. Well, ir seems to !>•> the fashion, so I'll say "Yes" too. Mrs.F. (outside, i*.) Where is my indiscreet daughter? Oh! where i- she P Enter, Mrs. Flyaway, l. b. Ah! How dare you — you minx? Haven't you accepted Mr. Ho'- worthy? What a climax for Volume One. Mr. Elwell, I should think you would be ashamed of yourselfl Don't you know that Mr. Hoi worthy claims her as his affiance? Don. Look's so, doesn't it? (points to Herbert and Edith S. Her. Yes, doesn't it ? Mrs. /•'. Bless mel But though you have lost her, I will still stand by you. I will help make your little home happy. I will still be a mother to you. Her. ()! thanks. Don, don't you wan't your Elitli with perqui- sites? This is a perquisite. D<>n. Not any, thanks ! //'/■. Pez, you are to he the hero of her next novel. Let her pro- fit by personal observation. //"/•. Not much ! Hier. Marcus, it was you who mixed up those notes, take her and be happy — you have e.irned her. Mrs. F. .Merciful powers, an Ethiopian! Mar. Somebodv give me one of those pistols quick ! Don. Don't you like the idea, Mrs. Flyaway? Then I'll tell you what to do. Adopt the stage ! You'll have to begin low, of course. Enter as a chorus girl in a comic opera company and ri OR, The Child o f the Ca mp. A. Western Comedy Drama in Four (4) Acts for 11 male and 3 female characters, by M R, CHARLESOTWILLARD.- Little Goldie is a strong Western drama. It is replete with startling situations, thrilling incidents and interesting from the beginning to the end. Dutch, Irish and Negro characters for the comedy parts. SYNOPSIS OF EVENTS. ACT I.— The picnic near the "Black Hawk's" cave. The lawyers and Mike. Little Goldie has fun with the Judge. Mike makes love to Matilda. The Judge is appealed to. Matilda and the Judge. Joe arrived late. The Captain of the Black Hawks shows up. Tells the gang a story". Old Jones is rich. The plot. Peter's meets old Jones. The struggle. Little Goldie to the rescue, backed by the Judge and his "cannon." "It wouldn't do in this glorious climate of Colorado." ACT II.— The Col. and the Maj. lament the escape of the Black Hawks. The Judge gets drunk. Mike tells some new. The boys "lay" for the school teacher. The school teacher arrives. A female. The Judge makes a speech. Joe drops in and cuts them all out. Matilda and the. Judge. JVlike gets mad. The Capt. of the Black Hawks again. Little Go'die at her pranks— has trouble with Godfrey. Joe inter- feres. The Col. and Mai. get in their work. Judge tries to escape from Matilda. Mike helps him out. The recognition. The story. I will be there. The quarrel. "Dropthnt knife, or I'll fill you full of holes." ACT III. — The home of Edith. Matilda tells a little gossip and departs. Joe calls and tells Edith of his love. The Judge hears him refused. Joe departs. The Judge tries his hand. Matilda unexpecetdly returns. The Judge in a fix. Little Goldie again. A new baby. Godfrey calls on Edith. The promise. "So will I." The Col. and Maj. Mike happens along. The Judge takes a hand. Little Goldie looking for Joe. Handsome Harry. "I'll play this alone if I die for it." Near the Black Hawk's retreat. The Black Hawks. Godfrey waiting Edith's arrival. Edith arrives. "Never." "Then go where you belong." Handsome Harry to the rescue. "Defend yourself." Harry is overpowered. The fate of a traitor. Goldie to the rescue. The ter-ible fall of Godfrey. ACT IV.— Bummer Jones' (George Winfred) home in Denver. Mike Flynn in command. The reformed Bummer. The letters. The letter from the nephew. The nephew arrives Godfrey as a "Missionary." The uncle writes a letter dictated by the nephew. The an ival of the Judge. The murder. The Col. and Joe. Godfrey's claim. M'ke tel's what he heard. Godfrey accused of murder. "His child and tre heiress is dead." The heiress found is Little Goldie. Handsome Harry. Godfrey cheats the l'iw. Edith and Joe. Unexpected arrival of Matilda. Happy finale. Amateurs will find this piece just what they want, as it was written expressly for them. PRICE 25 CENTS PER COPY. Order a copy of Ames' Publishing Co. Lock Box 152, - - Clyde, Qliio, I 9 J " ~^ jimes' Pi \ — Continued. tVGEDTES. FARCES &COMEDIETTAS. l l i Bi 1 ' -_ t6 ¥ J5_nies' Plays — Continued, *£ NO. Jill 167 ::ds 285 295 54 2S 292 142 276 263 7 281 312 269 170 213 151 56 70 Bo 147 155 111 157 M. K. The Bewitched Closjet ;> 2 The Coming an Turn Him Out The Actor's Scheme 4 4 The Irish 'Squire of Squash Ridge I - The Mashers Mashed 5 2 The Sham Prof ssor 4 Snellin' Skew! i 6 The Two T.J'S 4 2 Thirty-three Next Birthday.. 4 2 Tim Klanuigan 5 Tit for Tat 2 1 The Printer and His Devils.. 3 1 Trials of a Country Editor..., 6 2 The Won'lerrul Telephone.... 3 1 Two Aunt Emily " 8 Uncle Ethan 4 '■'> Unjust Justice 6 2 U.S. Mail 2 2 Vermont Wool Dealer 5 3, Wanted a Husband 2 1 Wooing Under Difficultie 5 3 Which will he Marry 2 8 Widower's Trials 4 5 Waking Him Up 1 2 Why they Joined the Re- becca <» 4 Yankee Duelist 3 1 Ya ken Peddler 7 3 ETHIOPIAN FARCES. 204 325 65 15 172 98 222 214 145 190 27 230 153 li*;; 24 3J9 47 77 88 Academy of Stars 6 -\ Coincidence S o An Unwelcome Return 3 1 An Unhappy Pair 1 1 Black Shoemaker 4 Black Statue 4 md. Colored Senators.'... 4 ... Chops Cuff's Lnek Crimps Trip er Lane to Crave Hamlet the Dainty Ha unfed House How Sister Paxev pot het Child Baptized Handy Andy Hypochondriac The .... In Fot It In the Wrong Pox Joe's Vis t M ischie von s Nigger NO. a. Vfidnight Colic 2 128 Musical Parker 2 90 No Cure No P iiy ;; 61 Not as Deaf as He Seems 3 244 O'd Clothes 3 Cabin 2 OldPomoey 1 n 4 Hi!) Other People's Children 3 297 Pomp Green's Snakes 2 134 Pomn's Pranks .• 2 258 Prof. Pones 'Latent Invention 5 177 Qiiarr rvants 96 Rooms to Let 2 107 School :> 133 Seeing Bosting 179 Sham Doctor 3 94 16.000 Years \go 3 243 Snorts on a Lark 3 25 Sport with a Sportsman 2 92 Stage Struck Darkey 2 238 Strawberry Shortcake 2 10 Stocks Up, Stocks Down 2 64 That Bov Sam 3 253 The Best »' 4 282 The Ditelligence Office 3 122 The Seleot School 5 US The Popcorn Man... 6 TheSlulio 10S Tho-e Awful Boys.: 24,5 Ticket Taker.... 3 4 Twain's Dodging 197 Tricks 198 lT„,p ; Jetf;' 21*! Vice Versa. ■■• 20<; Villkens and Dinah 4 210 Virginia YTmnrav A tole the Chickens 1 205 William Tell 4 \i& Wijj-Maker and HisServ GUIDE BOOKS. Hints nn Elocution to A uiatenrs CANTATA. On to Victory TABLEAUX. Festival of Days PANTOMIME. Cousin John's Album 17 l.Hd 215 2nd 260 -flKSKBOH- MAKE YOUR OWN WIGS ! PREPARED WOOL Is an avtwle that everyone without any exne c n make into WIGS, BEARDS, MUSTACHES, ETC., At very little cost, and will be sure to give satisfaction. Price 50 cents per ounce. Loch Box 152, Bi Addn HIE AMES PUBLISHING CO.. OLYDB, OHIO. xE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS