cal Farce I3ST OOSTE ACT, PREPARED FOB rrr.LICATIOX BY Mrs. JESXIE JR. GRIFFIN. TOLEDO. OHIO. COPYRIGHTED 1889 BY n,W!i;\ B. WHITE, VXD PUBLISHED BY HIM AT TOLEDO, OHIO. ur suf - frage test is 4. ( )ur work - ing men re =t :§«: tr* 5=3fe^ :*— TL- i ;ig this big na-tion,And we're right good rulers, too, Quite an hon-or un of our sta-tion, Yes, in-deed, in -deed we do; We take care of ou; ed - u cieve at ca-tion, And its just the right test, too: ten-tion, And the tar - iff question, too, our Men we keep in In lieu of Rev to <>ur sta - tion, And a great big hon-or, too. Our votes we neith-er rep -u- ta-tion, Yes,andver-y great care, too. We have no cloak rooms sub- ju-ga -tion, Which is on- ly fair to do. — When they rul'd this neu, pro-tec-tion, We are sure that's right, aren't you? No more strikes, but i i , _., L THE RULERS OF THIS BIG NATION sell nor buy,And all such ac-tions we de- cry, We would n't do it, Ah! to take tea in, Trusts, the good thatwe don't sec in, Railroad hills with a country grand. And paupers came from ev-'a-y land iVitli speecli we could not ar - bi-tration, Lockouts, read co-op - e - ra-tion, Rum and beer reads ^ • r -i. 3^0 ? Ai.i.. no ! oh, my ! Now don't you think so, too ? . great big fee in, Here they don't get through. understand, They bought their suffrage new. •0. :i. .g. : m . . Don't you think so, No, they don't get Bought their suf-frage Pro - hi - bi-tion, — Prop-er thing to do It's the thing to > ^h-S S==P — v- P=±=t r=1 3==q y I), s. 6 (All sealed.) Pres. [Raps with mallet.) We will dispense with all further ceremony and proceed at once to the bill before the Senate which is to establish male suffrage in the United States. Still I feel that I must call the attention of the honorable females to the fact that has been borne to me on the wings of the wind, that is I have been reliably informed by Susan B. Anthony, Sec- retary of the Treasury, that the United State Treasury is empty. The Honorable Secretary informs me that since the women have ruled this fair land of ours caucuses and elections are no longer held in saloons, and as a result much less revenue lias been received from the traffic in strong drink. Some- thing must be done to till the treasury or great distress will ensue. 1 under- stand that not a single new bonnet will be delivered except ('. 0. D., so some- thing must be done; what shall it be honorable females? an excursion, bazaar oyster supper or All. Oysters, Oysters, Oysters. Pbes. Immediate action must be Sen. from H. I. Madame President ! Pres. Sit down. (Raps with gavel.) Sen. from R. I. Madame Pres, I Pres. Sit down I say. (Raj)s louder.) Sex. from R. I. Hut Madame President, I hare something to say. Pres. Well, in that case you may go on. Sen. from R. I. I desire simply to add to what the honorable Presi- dent has just said in regard to the treasury, that I am reliably informed that the salary of several Senators is due and unpaid for a term varying from a half to a whole day, and that such a state of affairs requires immediate action and can ful attention ; I therefore (This sparring bet/ween the two Senators must he done quickly, hardly giving the President time to recognize them, i Sen. from Mass. Madame President Sen. from Ohio. Madame Presi Pres. Senator from O Sen. from Mass. Madame President, the Senator from Ohio is out of order. Sen. from Ohio. You're another ! Madame President, I desire to call for the regular order of business. Sen. from Mass. Well, smarty, that's just what I wanted to do. Pres. The Senator from Massachusetts has the floor. Sen. from Mass. Madame President, I desire to call for the regular order of business. Sen. from Ohio. Madame President. Pres. Senator from Ohio. Sen. from Ohio. I desire to speak on a point of personal privilege. Pres. The Senator from Ohio has the floor. Sicn. from Ohio. 1 am about to resent a bold and uncalled for insult that has just been put upon me by the so called honorable female from Massachu- setts. I have just been called "smarty" to my very face, and upon this Hoor. Some might argue that the term was meant as a compliment to my superior ability, but, Madame President, 1 will not he cajoled or satisfied by any such explanation, and unless the so called honorable female from the codfish state will retract and apologize 1 will (ill the torrid air of tliis Senate Chamber with detached fragments of last year's style of codfish clothing to such an extent that you will think one of those awful convulsions of the air that our ancestors used to call a a bicycle, I think it was, had been here in all its fury. Is there anything in my appearance or my record upon this floor to call forth such approbation? Madame President, the honor of the great State of Ohio must and shall be maintained, I throw down the gauntlet, 1 proffer the gages of hat- tie; and, unless Sen. from .Mass. Madame President. Press. Senator from Massachusetts. Sen. from Mass. 1 hope the honorable female from the gas illumined district of Ohio will retain her usual angelic frame of mind, and continue to wear those garments, whose apparent age and respectability make them so eminently appropriate and becoming to her. I should be sorry, indeed, if she should construe my hasty and chance remark into a compliment. I most heart- ily agree in the sentiment expressed by her, that there is nothing in her appear- ance or her record upon this floor that would indicate her as the possessor of superior intelligence. Madame President, if any chance word or expression of mine dropped in the heat of discussion has conveyed the idea that I consider her the possessor of such attributes of mind, I most humbly apologize for the insult to this honorable body — or perhaps I should say this collection of honorable bodies. Madame, your remark in regard to my style and clothing I shall pass over in silence, but your allusion to the immortal and indestructable codfish was untimely to say the least: we should always speak kindly of the absent. In conclusion let us hope that my apology will be received in the same cheerful spirit in which it is offered, but if blood must flow who's afraid. Honorable females, I am now as I always have been, ready to be led a willing sacrifice to the altar. Pres. I would remind the honorable females that they are frittering away valuable time and advise them at once to Sex. from Ohio. Madame President, I have a petition Pres. The Senator from Ohio is out of order. Sen. from Ohio. But, M-.sdame President, my Pres. Sit down. (Baps with gavel.) Sen. from Ohio. (Waving petition wildly.) But, Madame President, my petition is in regard to the bill before the house. Pres. Well, why did'nt you say so before. Sen. FROM Ohio. I did. (Beads.) "To the honorable Senate of the United States: We, the undersigned, male residents of the United States of America desire to call your favorable attention to House Hill No. 689,472 now on the Senate calendar and designed to once more confer the rights of citizen- ship on the male population of this country." The petition, Madame Presi- dent, is signed by 8,887,440 male residents of the United States. Shall 1 read the names V Ale. The names. The names. (Beads long list of prominent politicians of the United States, and prominent and otherwise p<>liticitnt..< of town where given.) Aee. Enough! Enough! Pres. Sergeant-at-Arms call out the guards. Sen. from Ohio. ( Waving list wildly calls out at top of voice.) Dr. Mary Walker [Sergeant comes forward and salutes.) Pees. You are relieved. Sen. FROM < )HIO. Madame President, I am heartily in favor of re-estab- lishing male suffrage in the United States, and although there are some bad features in the bill, I shall give it my vote, while as a female I cannot help but feel it is the proudest moment in the history of our sex when in response to our imperious demands the ballot was placed in our hand, and I point with pride to the legislation which followed. The laws which closed the learned profes- sions to the male sex and compelled them to use their boasteil strength in purely manual labor ; the laws abolishing the tyranical custom of compelling the female members of the household to do the house work ; the laws making men incompetent to hold any office of trust or profit in the United States, all these and many more were the stepping stones that worked the progress of our sex. Madame President, when woman suffrage was agitating the world it was because they had suffered for their rights ; they had been slighted in every way and now that the men have been taught the sweet lesson of submission, we should encourage their patience by allowing them equal rights with the women of these United States. In the petition before this house they do not ask for despotism as beld In fore, but to be citizens; we propose to make them not slaves hut co-workers in this great nation. We have not taken time to look beyond our great triumph to see what may lie in the dark future. Madame President, our thoughts should be mainly bent on considering, not how we can selfishly control this vast government, but how we can better the condition of its people by allowing its male population to assist in making its laws. We demanded the ballot ; we wanted to take part in the torch-light processions; we wanted to demonstrate our fitness for governing by coming home elevated on election nights; we wanted to go to Congress, and these blessed privileges have been ours these many years and we have thoroughly proven to mankind that matrimony is NOT our only destiny; and now that we have assumed that posi- tion in life to which we were entitled why should we refuse to share this power, why not grant the right of citizenship to the male population of this country. I view with alarm some of the results of depriving the men of at least an advisory place in the government. [In the State of Ohio nearly every enterprise languishes for want of male support and experience; Lake Erie waits to Ik- wedded anew to the mirror like Maumee by the tie of the straight chan- nel, but waits in vain. The work must be done so that the way will be clear to Prescpie Isle, so our next river carnival will he a success.] Who will complete this mighty work now that our male engineers, contractors and laborers are forced to devote their entire energy to earing for the children, while their wives are rattling around in their old avocations. Who, Madame President, who? and echo vaguely responds [The part in brackets may be omitted when thepieceis rendered outside of Ohio, or some needed public work may be mentioned in lieu of these.) (All. Chestnuts.) We need men in our arm — ies; they may not wear their uniforms so becom- ingly as do the ladies who now defend our country, but we need some men for the real work, real had, horrid men with real mustaches, and who are not afraid of dou-s — and — cows — and — mice — and — and such things. These eonsid- 9 erations with many others which time will not allow me to cite, demand with trumpet tongue the passage of the measure. Our standing armies will no Longer stand and has already laid down its arms, r. fusing, and very properly too, to fight battles. .My heart stands still at the thought of having to shoulder a hor- rid gun and go forth to ti<;'ht, what? whom? an army of men drawn up in hat- tie array; whom of us could shoot a man ? I turn with horror from the thought and leave the question unanswered, and again I say I am heartily in favor. Sen. from S. ('. Say boss — or Missus President. Pees. Senator from South Carolina. Sen. from S. C. I rise to a point of privilige, Missus President, I move dat in presenting dese voluminous papahs dat de Senatafa from de great State of Ohio an de great State of Massachusetts he limited as to time — say two hours and a half VOICE from Senate. Oh, make it three hours, nobody can say anything in two hours and a half. Sex. FROM S. C. Well, make it foab hours. Sen. from China Town. Me secondee niggee female motion. Sen. from S. C Me, nigger ! me, a full fledged American citizen to he thus insulted on dis heah floah Sen. from Alaska. ( flourishing tomahawk.) Me big squaw third the pale faced motion. Sen. from Oireland. (rushing to center of stage.) 1 foortfa thot motion, Mistriss Prisidint. Pres. Senator from Oireland. Sen. from O'i/d. Mistress Prisident, do you moind that we are jist after having an election? an do yees know that Grover got left wid the rist of us demmyerats. Be gorrah, I wish Grover had sint thot Britisher home before he sint any letters, at all, at all, and Mistriss Prisidint, did ye hear of a gintle- mnn. Lord Saekville he name? He writ a letter to a mon out west and in con- sequence share its Belva Loekwood of the Aquil Rights party thats Prisidint of this United States not Grover, and, Mistriss Prisident, Grover and Saekville boath tuk a walk, and as for me, I'm for the soldier bye, ould Oireland and "Erin go hraugh." Sen. from Findlay. Mattam President. Pre*. Senator from the gas regions. Sen. from F. I haf got somedings to say on dot empty treasury peesnis already. I haf heard of dot disastrous state of affairs, dot de moneys in dot treasury is all gone, und now I want to speak my mind right avav quick. Mat- tam Presedent, von resource is left of us, it ish dot gas, dot natural gas, was zieimtlic goot und if dot <^as gan pe garried in bipes vats de matter of its being garried in pottles yoost as dose men garry dose udder spirits — snaps I dinks dey calls dem, in bottles. Mattam President, I vants to say somedings more. If dot gas bees pottled oop, V e can vater our stocks in dot Mauinee rifer und zell dot same for enough to pay off dot debt right avav qwick. A free line of pottles from dot gusher at Findlay would he yoost so goot as a free line of bipes und costed us nodings, und if dot Mayor of Toledo would help us out, we could supply de whole vorld mit natural gas, und at dot same dime raise dot tariff oop on dot — whale oil. De whole vorld vant natural gas; let us be de benefac- tors OV dot vorld. 10 I'kks. I would remind the honorable females that there is a motion before the house. Senator from South Carolina, please state your motion. Sen. from S. C. I move dat ( Utmost confusion and inattention. I I'kks. Order! Order! Order! State your motion again. i ( 'onfusion and discussion still going on. i Sen. FROM S. C. I move dat well lav it under the table. Pres. Order !*We must proceed to business; the bill before the house is to re-establish male suffrage in the United States, and Sen. from R. I. Madame President. Pre*. Senator from Rhode Island. Sen. FROM R. I. I appeal in behalf of the down-trodden men of Rhode Island; this state of affairs has gone far enough; look at the poor dears; note the change in their bearing. From the race of manly men, brave, confident (I admit too confident) we have the timid, womanish man, hesitating in step, silly in expression: {begins to cry) it just breaks my heart so it does, and I don't like it a bit. Of what use are pretty dresses, lovely bonnets and all of the dear little fads on which the w< manly woman dotes. The men shall be emanci- pated : what were four million of black slaves to two million of white lackeys? Think of it ! Think of men sleeping on the roof, under the bed, skulking, hid- ing from — their wives ! Preposterous! [t does break my heart, (crying) [would — 1 — would go — on — with — my appeal, Madam — President, — but — I — 1 e-eant. Pres. The Senator from Rhode Island having been unexpectedly over- come we will hear from the Senator from Texas. Skn. from Texas. Madame President, I am a Texican and I won't be stepped on, especially by a snub-nosed individual representing the worn out civilization of Massachusetts. Boston no longer rules the world. Southward the state of empire takes its way, and the largest state in this glorious country which I have the honor to represent will have a voice in this matter. Madame President, if this bill can be so amended as to apply to the intelligent portion of the community it will receive my most earnest and hearty support, but I will never vote to degrade the ballot by giving it to those who were formerly slaves, and who ought to be yet, or to the foreign proprietors of the laundry business. Universal suffrage and civil service reform are twin delusions. The sacred privilege of voting, of having a voice in affairs of state, of choosing our rulers, and representatives, should be restricted, but it should be restricted by intelli- gence and not by sex. The fathers, husbands, sons and brothers of free born American citizens should share our privileges as well as our burdens. Is the age of chivalry forever past ; have we no sense of honor towards these lovely and gentle beings whom Providence has instituted to our protection? shall they always be kept in servitude because they are weak? Never, Madame Pres- ident, it must, it shall be done; peacably if we can, but forcibly if we must. I am ready at any time to shoulder my musket in defence of husband and home, and if any obstreperous ft male dare oppose this most righteous measure, shoot her on the spot. SEN. FROM Mass. Madame President. Pres. Senator from Massachusetts. Sen. FROM Mass. Notwithstanding the appeal of the sniveling Senator fri m Rhode Island, and the murderous threat of the cow boy Senator from Texas, I declare myself against the bill to re-establish male suffrage in the 11 United States. Honorable Senators, I sec nothing in this proposed measure but a scheme on the part of designing men to again usurp the places of power and influence. 1 call to mind in the days c f our bondage no words that were more often quoted to ns by these very same men than of an ancient writer who says, "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world," and who of ns wonld interfere with them in the pursuit of ambition in their proper sphere. 1 for one would lie the last on earth to prevent any man from rocking the cradle to his hearts content. I glory in the thoughl that we bave reduced them to the attitude of petitioners, and now in this proud moment of our "lory let us rejecl him; let ns spurn him, let us stamp him and his petition under foot. The hon- orable females who have just preeeeded me view with alarm the situation, Mad- ame President, I know no fear in the discharge of my duty ; were 1 called upon to shoulder a musket against a man, in the defence of my rights I'd I'd shoulder it. Fear, Madame President, is an emotion that 1 would scorn (rat—shrieks) 1 say that I know not the sensation of fear. Madame President, it matters little to me whether my enemy he a man or beast so my duty he 1 rat — shrieks. ) (Confusion — .1// theSenators climbing mi chairs /<<