"^^^^ .c^< :°' ^^^f^ A :^fk^. ^^ ^ •J' '^.. ..^' ^ ^:;^ V 4 0_, v^ ^.^ .0-.. ^, :^^ *c. e"^ .0' <* :§ ^ V, .0' ^^0^ V'^^ 5^"- :t :^^ A^^ <* ^^ MEWEy m Revues The Footli^ht Revue T. S.Denfson AND COMPt- vX'Y C H I C >^ O Price 33 Cents, Denison's Select Plays ALL ON ACCOUNT OF POLLY By Harry L. Newton. Comedy in 3 acts; 6 males, 10 females (2 children). Time, 214 hours. Price, 35 Cents. AN ARIZONA COWBOY ' . . . , By Sheldon Parmer. Comedy-drama m 4 acts; 7 males, 5 females. Time, 2^4 hours. Price, 35 Cents. A CABIN COURTSHIP . . o . . 1 By Irene Jean Crandall. Comedy m 3 acts; 5 males, 4 females. Time, 2 hours. Price, 35 Cents. CLUBBING A HUSBAND . , . 10 . By Edith F. A. U. Painton. Comedy m 3 acts; 12 fe- males. Time, 2 h ours. Price, 35 Cents. A DREAM OF QUEEN ESTHER . . , , , By Walter Ben Hare. Biblical drama in 3 acts; 3 males, 16 females. Time, 21/4 hours. Price, 35 Cents. THE KINGDOM OF HEART'S CONTENT By Lindsey Barbee. College comedy in 3 acts; 6 males, 12 females. Time, 21^ hours. Price, 35 Cents. THE LAUGHING CURE By Edith F. A. U. Painton. Comedy in 2 acts; 4 males, 5 females. Time, 1% h ours. Price, 35 Cents. LIGHTHOUSE NAN . o . . , c By Sheldon Parmer. Sea-coast drama in 3 acts; 5 males, 4 females. Time, 21 4 hours. Price, 35 Cents. RUTH IN A RUSH By Lindsey Barbee. Comedy m 3 acts; 5 males, 7 fe- males. Time, 21/2 hours. Price, 35 Cents. A SOUTHERN CINDERELLA By Walter Ben Hare. Comedy-drama in 3 acts; 7 fe- males. Time, 2 hours. Price, 35 Cents. A TRIAL OF HEARTS ^ . ^ ^ ^ . By Lindsey Barbee. College comedy in 4 acts; 6 males, 18 females. Tim e, 2^4 hours. Price, 35 Cents. WAY DOWN ALONG By Gladys Ruth Bridgham. Comedy m prologue and 2 acts; 7 males, 3 females. Time, 2 hours. Price, 35 Cents. T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 623 S. Wabash Ave. CHICAGO THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE A Colorful Contrivance In Five Flashes Devised by , ' FREDERICK G? JOHNSON AUTHOR OF The Fun Revue," "Foiled, By Heck!" "Gimme Them Papers T "How to Stage a Minstrel Show," and many vaudeville acts and specialties. Ensemble Numbers Arranged by MAY DIXIE . CHICAGO T. S. DENISON & COMPANY Publishers THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE WARNING Purchase of this book does not in- clude performing rights. For AMA- TEUR performance of this play, in whole or in part, under this or any other title, a performing royalty must be paid in advance, of fifteen dollars ($15.00) for a single performance, ten dollars ($10.00) for the second con- secutive performance and five dollars ($5.00) each for subsequent consecu- tive performances, whether admission is charged or not. (See page 93.) Re- ceipt for royalty payment, issued by the publishers, will constitute license for performance. When remitting royalty, give date and place of per- formance and state by whom books were purchased, to insure proper credit. The royalty fee cannot be waived or reduced. For terms for PROFESSIONAL production, apply to the publishers. Royalty fees are payable only to the publishers, T. S. DENISON & COM- PANY, 623 So. Wabash Ave., Chicago. Dr.l.D 62950 ^^' COPYRIGHT, 1922. BY T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. Made in U. S. A. NOV 2b jb22 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE CHARACTERS. Part One. Mr. Driver The Stage Manager Willie Jump The Property Man Percy Penn The Amateur Author John Draw Knott The Amateur Leading Man Charles Olden Grey The Regular Actor Tottie Twinkletoes The Amateur Souhrette Madame Wherami The Amateur Leading Lady Jane Gabb The Amateur Beauty I MA Goodwin The Amateur Ingenue Mrs. Sippy The Scruhlady, No Amateur Want A DeMun The Wandering Musician Mrs. Pest The Aspiring Mother Camille Pest The Ambitious Daughter Hiram Tubbins The Rustic Stranger Eddie Offkey ^ Seldom Hurd I j,^^ Anmtcur Quartette LusTiE Tenner ( Willie Discord J Pony Ballet, Scnoritas, Toreadors and Members of the Chorus. Part Two. Hiram Tubbins On a Visit to the City Hank Tubbins He Came Along with Dad Part Three. Speedy Service The Proprietor George He Gets Half the Tips Henry He Gets the Rest Flora Flapper A Broadway Belle 3 4 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE Susan Spriggs While There's Life There's Hope Pan Toy A Cabaret Singer Hank In Quest of Pleasure Hiram In Quest of Hank Cabaret Guests, Entertainers, etc. . Part Four. George That's All Part Five. Jack A Good Fellow Jakie Not So Good Rose An American Girl Pansy Hardly an American Beauty El Goofus The Shriek's Handy Man Gazook An Oriental Slave Trader Bayuda The Favorite Wife Mud Pie Girl, Rube Girl, Southern Girl, French Girl and Chinese Girl Every Little Bit Helps Wives, Slaves, American Tourists, etc. MUSICAL NUMBERS. 1 . Opening Chorus Ensemble 2. *'In the Evening by the MoonHght, Long Ago.". . Qimrtette 3. Violin Solo (optional) DeMun 4. ''Carmen, She Was Absolutely Charmin* "... .Camille 5. ''As Long As I Have You" Ima and Knott 6. "Steppin' Around" Tottie and Ensemble 7. "Oshkosh, B' Gosh !" Hank 8. "Swanee River Blues". ... ; George 9. "Chinese Love Song" Pan Toy 10. "Somebody Lied" Henry IL "My Mammy's Twilight Lullaby" Dora 12. "If I Was What I Ain't" George 13. "Old Fashioned Rose" Rose and Jack THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 5 14. "I've Had 57 Varieties of Sweethearts". /ac^ and Girls (Introducing ''Mud Pie Days," ''Oshkosh, B' Gosh!" "In the Evening by the MoonHght, Long Ago," "Chi- nese Love Song" and "Old Fashioned Rose.") 15. "Cleopatra" Baynda 16. Finale Ensemble SCENE SYNOPSIS. Part One "On With the Play!' {Bare stage of theatre; full stage.) Part Two "Perils of a Great City' {Street drop; in one.) Part Three "The Footlight Cabaret.' {Restaurant or roof garden; full stage.) Part Four "Turning on the Gas.' {Plush drop; in one.) Part Five ''The Haunted Mummy.' {Oriental harem; full stage.) TYPES AND COSTUMES. Part One. Driver, Penn, Knott and Quartette wear ever^^day street clothes. Driver is nervous and quick. Penn wears a flowing tie and shell rimmed specacles, and is dreamy and poetic. Knott is dressed in the height of fashion. Willie is tough and slangy. He wxars "jumpers" or over- alls of blue or brown denim, or dirty white. He shouts his lines. Grey makes up elderly, with side-whiskers, and wears frock coat, silk hat, spats, etc., being an exaggeration of the old-time "ham" actor. Jane is a semi-old maid type. Mrs. Sippy is an Irish "biddy" with red wig, and scrublady clothes ; can be played by a large woman, or by a man. Ima and Tottie are young and pretty; they wear attrac- tive street clothes and change to special costumes for their sono^s. 6 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE Madame Wherami is of the dowager type, elderly but attractive. Mrs. Pest^s costume is loud and in bad taste. Camille the same, but less eccentric. DeMun is a typical Italian, with velveteen coat (or flannel shirt and old vest), baggy corduroy trousers, bright red sash around waist, big soft felt hat, bandana handker- chief at the neck. Hiram is a typical elderly rube, with semi-bald Uncle Josh wig, old-fashioned suit, cow-hide boots, bandana hanging from hip pocket. The Pony Ballet is made up of the smallest ladies of the chorus. Costumes are optional, but they should be all the same. Short skirts are necessary because of the fast and vigorous dancing. ''Kiddie" clothes are sometimes worn. Some clubs which do not care for abbreviated cos- tumes use Yama-Yama suits for their pony chorus (clown style, with full trousers) which allow for strenuous action. The Senoritas and Toreadors wear Spanish costumes. The Chorus Men will probably find the sport costume easiest to arrange, with blue serge coats, white flannel trous- ers, straw hats, white or tan shoes. Or sport blazers (bright striped jackets) with white trousers will make an even bet- ter flash. Insist on uniformity as to shoes, hose, hats, shirts and ties. The Chorus Ladies are very attractive in bright summer dresses. These need not be uniform, but should form an agreeable harmony to the eye. Part Two. Hiram is the same as before. Hank is a young rube, with blond shock wig ; tight, gaudy ''store clothes" ; straw hat with brim cut down very narrow, and bright band ; high celluloid collar and noisy tie; purple handkerchief in breast pocket of coat, well pulled out ; purple socks ; bright yellow shoes ; a front tooth stopped out with email noire adds to the comedy, and the eyelashes may be covered with flesh grease paint and vertical lines drawn over the eyelids. THE FOOTLJGHT REVUE - 7 Part Three. This is really a miniature novelty minstrel, and Speedy has the function of interlocutor; he wears a neat tuxedo. George and Henry are in blackface, with negro wigs ; black or white cotton gloves ; misfit dress suits, and white aprons. Susan is typical old maid, with corkscrew curls, old-time •''mitts" (cotton gloves with fingers cut out), loud dress in burlesque of current style, etc. Flora is a dashing young woman in an evening gown. Pan Toy wears a beautiful Chinese costume, and makes up with slightly slanted eye- brows. Hank and Hiram as before. Part Four. George, as before, but without the apron. Part Five. El Goofus and Gazook in oriental costume, with heavy black beards. The latter has an immense turkish dagger in his belt. Jack is a dashing young American, and can wear white flannels, or golf togs, or tropical tourist outfit of duck or khaki with leggings, pith helmet, etc. Jakie is typical Hebrew comedian, round-shouldered and bent of knee. He can wear customary stage Hebrew outfit — big derby pushed down over his ears, old frock coat, big shoes, etc. — or his costume can burlesque Jack's. Changes to bright costume burlesquing oriental splendor. Rose is a charming American girl. She can wear attrac- tive summer dress, or tourist outfit, li she can make a quick change, for the "Fifty-Seven Varieties" number, an old-time hoopskirt costume is very effective. The quick change to oriental costume can be simply a face veil and throw-over scarf. These changes must be well rehearsed, for they must be quickly done. Pansy should be played by a stout girl who does not mind being laughed at. She is a bit tough, but never vulgar. Her costume may be a comic adaptation of Rosens. The Mud Pie Girl should be one of the smallest ladies 8 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE of the company. She may wear a romper outfit, and she carries a tin pail and shovel. The Rube Girl may have a comedy costume, Sis Hopkins style, with hair in pigtails, awkward dress with sliort sleeves, short cotton gloves, white cotton stockings, clumsy shoes, etc., or she may have a pretty but simple gingham dress with sunbonnet. Southern Girl, any quaint costume that is appropriate to the song. French Girl, dashing dance costume. Chinese Girl, pretty Chi- nese outfit ; can be doubled by Pan Toy. Bayuda and Wives wear oriental harem costumes. Slaves can be made up with brown grease paint, in regula- tion oriental costumes, but are generally doubled by George and Henry in fantastic comedy costumes to suit individual fancy. Black tights, with stifif linen cufifs dangling around wrists and ankles, are very funny. Or gaudy military out- fits may be worn. The Tourists comprise the chorus men, and all the chorus ladies who do not appear as wives. Attractive sports outfits are worn, and they need not be uniform. Don't worry if your Egyptian costumes are not technically correct. Use Turkish or Arabian or whatever you can get. If renting from a costume house, specify Oriental costumes with Egyptian headpieces. NOTES ON STAGING. "The Footlight Revue" carries out, even more completely than "The Fun Revue," the idea of putting into book form a big, spectacular musical revue, including not only the dialogue but the complete instructions and stage business whereby a club without the advantage of having a profes- sional director may put on this modern form of entertain- ment as successfully as one guided by a professional coach. By eliminating this chief item of expense, amateur pro- ducers are enabled, if they so desire, to make some outlay for scenery and costumes, although this likewise is not ab- solutely essential if funds are lacking and the performers are willing to make some effort in assembling their ward- THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE _ 9 robes. The only costumes which require much preparation are those of the Spanish chorus and for Part 5. While special scenery for Parts 3 and 5 is highly efifective, and special drops for Parts 2 and 4 are desirable, the latter stunts can be presented in front of the front curtain, if necessary, and the other sets, being interiors, can be ar- ranged with the stock scenery in any theatre if special sets are out of the question. Or, if presented in an auditorium with no scenic equipment whatever, the settings may be suggested with screens, etc. It will be noted that the specialties in "The Footlight Revue" are arranged with the utmost flexibility. The rou- tine is such as can be followed by any average group of talent, but under special conditions it can easily be altered to meet individual requirements. • The work is arranged to allow for either a large or a small chorus, and many of the parts can be "doubled" if desired. Thorough rehearsing is, of course, essential. This sub- ject is far too big to treat in the limited space here available, and the amateur director is urgently advised to study thoroughly, and use as a textbook, "How to Stage a Min- strel Show," which form of entertainment has many points in common with the revue. The prefaces to "The Fun Revue" and "In Hot Tamale Land" will also prove helpful. Remember that "acting" ability is less important than "pep" in a show of this kind. Everything is worked for novelty and comedy, and every player, whether a principal or a chorus man or lady, should reflect in face and manner the joy and enthusiasm which are essential. The audience won't be happy unless the cast and chorus seem to be. Laughter is contagious. The audience will reflect what it sees on the stage. Be sparing with encores. Keep things moving. The important evolutions of the chorus, including the opening number, the first finale and the grand finale, have been worked out in great detail for the convenience of amateur directors who lack experience in creating elaborate stage effects. These evolutions will take considerable re- hearsing, but the satisfaction of offering a production of 10 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE truly professional effect will make up for the extra work. And they are not as complicated as the written instructions may make them appear. The other ensembles, or stage pictures, being less elaborate, can be worked out by your ow^n director, who will be guided by size of company, size of stage, arrangement of settings, etc. In rehearsing the chorus people the director must watch constantly to see that they keep singing. A beginner is likely to forget to sing as soon as he has to work with hands and feet at the same time. The evolutions or drills must be rehearsed until they, like the singing, will be done without conscious effort. This condition may be discouraging at first, but sufficient rehearsing will correct the trouble. The play is arranged to run a full evening without inter- mission, the acts alternating between full-stage and in-front- of -curtain. Or there can be intermission after Part One. The musical numbers have been chosen with the greatest care and the program is properly balanced. Be slow in sub- stituting other songs for those specified. The public tires very quickly of songs that have been artificially "popular- ized." The numbers here called for are not forced on to the general market, hence they will be new and novel to your audience, and will be received with real pleasure in- stead of with indifference. Clubs having* performers with specialized talents can easily introduce extra specialties. The best place for this is in Part Three, but any instrumental number may be sub- stituted for DeMun's violin solo in Part One. STAGE DIRECTIONS. Up stage means away from footlights ; down stage, near footlights. In the use of right and left, the actor is sup- posed to be facing the audience. First entrance means the side opening nearest the footlights; second entrance, the opening just back of that. On most stages, fourth opening is the farthest up stage, though some have five or six, and smaller ones have only three. THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE SCENE PLOT. 11 Part I. Bare Wacu ...„PnOE3^ exTSRiOH WOOOi CAiTtt t»Tt'«io» wooes Fo.-rt.feHTS lMT»Rip« (right) (left) Part III. ROOF OAROEN OR BALL ROOM DROP u n □ n 1 1 n — 1 = 1 UJ — rooT L IGHTS FLOR«k — (right) 'left) Part V. ORIENTAL PAUAce DROP — O A\ PhonOOBAPM N 'V^ ,> — ~* FOOTLIGHTS (right) (left) ® I -i -^ -i vt i/i y^ 0) w 1 OAi' J»^ X X X X X X e 1 1 X X 1 X KEY CHART • • PONIES X Chorus Ladv 1 Chorus Man S Senorita T Toreador •A _ I • • ° IL X X 1 X 1 " @ 1 1 \f) - X h - X \J) - X h - X V) - X h - X in 1 h h 1 12 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 13 STAGING THE ENSEMBLES. To The Director: Be careful that the Hnes and figures formed by the different groups are symmetrical and distinct ; also that each person is clear and clean cut in all his steps and gestures as well as in his singing. Uniformity in all moves must be observed. Never lose an opportunity to give the audience a smile or a laugh. Get your people into the feeling of the numbers so that the movements will have a real meaning and not be mere, colorless drills. Broad move- ments are best; half-way or small gestures count for little or nothing on the stage. OPENING CHORUS. I have in mind for the size of the chorus eight Ponies, six Spanish couples, six Chorus Ladies and six Chorus Men. (Of course they are all chorus ladies and chorus men but these terms are used to distinguish those in modern dress.) For a chorus of different size, the work can be made to fit the music by repeating or cutting counts where necessary. For a very large chorus, the present instructions will be complete by using the people in double instead of single lines. Each lady and man requires two pieces of bright red cloth about fifteen or eighteen inches square. These are to be concealed in costume in such a way as to be quickly get- at-able. Silk is the prettiest, but any cloth will answer, or even tissue paper can be used. Each Chorus Lady (but not Ponies or Senor^itas) needs a rose at her waist, which may be real or artificial. Madame needs a real rose for her solo. The music for the Opening Chorus is Denison's Minstrel Opening Chorus and Finale Number Two, a composition that is admirably suited for musical comedies and revues as @ 1 ' X 1 1 xt X I i,x' X I i|x X I 1 X X I I X X I I X X I I X h X I 1 X X 1 1 X xn 1 X XM 1 X xlll I X 1 1 © 1 ' h in * * - X h VI - X h \n ^ ► "" ^ h \n * • - X h \f) ► ^ ^ h «i i » - x: 1 1 e 1 1 h -V) • X h • - U) • X h • - ^ • 1 1 14 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE , 15 well as for minstrel shows. Introduction and *'01d Black Joe" movement are omitted, starting at point marked "Allegro, bones and tamb." for introduction, and raising curtain quickly at top of page 3 of score, where singing begins. All references to page and measure are to the vocal- and-piano score. Since the combined evolutions of principals and chorus are quite complicated, the instructions are here divided for principals and chorus groups for convenience in teaching. When rehearsed in ensemble, with the music, they will fit together properly. Principals. Grey enters, first right entrance, on "that stick like porous plasters/* and sings ''We'll borrow from the masters" at right, near footlights. While Chorus repeats the line he crosses and meets Madame who enters down left. She gives him her right hand and together they go to center at footlights. She has a rose in her hand. There is a slight pause in the music, to allow her to reach center easily be- fore singing. Grey stands at Madame's right. As she sings she first holds rose toward Grey, who admires it. As he reaches for it with left hand she changes it from her right to left hand and holds it up away from him, unconscious of his move. At "lovely companions" she takes rose in both hands and holds it close to breast. At "faded and gone" she throws rose Into audience. As she finishes, he crosses back of her to her left side, ofifers hand or arm and they exeunt down left. Ponies. This is a stage term, meaning dancing girls. They are sometimes called "broilers" because of their small size. They should be selected from the smaller ladies of your chorus. They are formed in one straight line, facing the audience, across stage from right to left, when the curtain rises. First eight measures, beginning top of page 3, two counts to the measure (sixteen counts) : f® rX X X X X X •X X X X X X^S .X X X>i X Xi. ^X X X X X x^ ® ' 1 ' X X X ^ X >< X >^ X X X ^!o X X s X X X X X X X X X X II \ © 1 r XX X X X X XXX XX X 5; 30 XX X X XX XX X X X X 16 © pl'5 -:-;-;- z ID z . k^ ■" •C-.vT;'^ ^ xlXi^rHx^ X^XjX^X^X^X^ HI X THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 17 -/^ a'' (l)_Lift right leg so that upper part (from knee up) is at right angles with body, and leg below knee at right angles with thigh. At same time stoop slightly and clap hands under upper part of leg, head down ''night of (2)— Take short step forward with right foot, and hands flung to either side of body, arms full length down, palms facing audience ; head thrown back slightly ; looking at audience, smiling. _ '' revel-' (3)— Firsf count reversed, raising left leg in- stead of right. . , 'Vy, Of (4)— Second count reversed, stepping forward with left foot. , . . . Repeat the above three times, thus making sixteen counts for the eight measures. Make a very slight advancement with each step. At the end of the eight measures get halt- way down to footlights from point of starting. Act ^ as if you are having lots of fun. This takes you through zinth you hereafter." We now start the 9th measure, page 3, counting two to a measure. . , . , .i i ''here to" (17)— Point right toe to right side, with a good stretch of right leg. At the same time, both arms are fully outstretched at the sides, palms of hands down ; head turned to rieht ; eyes turned to right ; weight on left foot. "please the" (18)-Right foot brought a little forward and a little left of left foot, weight on right foot; hands brought together, palm to palm, in front of body, arms stretched full length down ; head turned to audience ; look- ing at audience, laughing. i r. -^ ',u ^^^^^r^ "^w^inq and'' (19)— Point left toe to left side, with good stretch of left leg; weight on right foot. At the same time both arms are fully outstretched to sides, palms down ; bead turned to left, eves turned to left. ,. , , , i "old The" (20)— Left foot brought a little forward and a little 'right of right foot, weight on left foot ; hands brought together, palm to palm, in front of body arms stretched full length down; head turned to audience ; looking at audience, laughing. 18 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE Repeat these four counts (two measures each) three times, through 16th measure, page 3. This takes you through ''like porous plasters/' See Diagram 1. Now we have four measures and a pause, before the solo. For this, Ponies turn facing right, each with her right hand on right shoulder of girl ahead, and skip toward right of stage. Just before reaching wings the line turns abruptly right and skips up stage, forming a line at right reaching from up stage down toward footlights. The pause before the solo, with the preceding four measures, will give them enough time to reach position. See Diagram 2. For ''Last rose'' solo. Ponies face center of stage, watch- ing soloist. Each girl has body bent forward, hands to- gether, fingers interlaced, chin resting on top of fingers. This lasts through "blooming alone." On the words "All her' the Ponies turn their backs to center of stage, all turning at the same moment and in the same direction (to the right). Each looks at soloist over left shoulder, with left index finger on lips and right hand at side. This lasts through "faded and gone." Beginning with 4th measure, page 4, Ponies join hands and with very quick side-sliding steps the girl nearest foot- lights leads across stage to left, thus forming a Hne from left to right, near footlights, in front of everybody. This should be done very quickly, and is easy after a little prac- tice. The step is : Quickly slide the left foot a long slide to the left, then sliding the right foot up to it, and repeat as many times as necessary to make position. Take two of these steps to the measure. This movement consumes from "Too sloiv," through "paid their dough." Now, standing across stage at footlights, all gesture alike as follows : "want some pep"— StrikQ palm of left hand emphatically with right fist. "watch your step" — Kick right foot, toe pointed, out in front ; right hand out with index finger pointing to right foot ; head up, laughing. THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 19 ''come on, friends/' — Slap front of legs with palms of hands, standing normally. "Let's go." — Arms outstretched to audience, palms up ; laughing at audience. ''Let us go" (second) — Clap hands on "go." "Let us go" (third) — Clap hands on "go." "Let us go" (fourth) — Hop up as high as possible, land- ing on "go." This must be done with perfect uniformity. Now comes the Toreador march theme, four counts to the measure. Beginning at 2nd measure, 3rd line, page 4, Ponies separate at center, those at right going to right, and those at left going to left, with center Ponies acting as leaders. Right center Pony leads from center, goes up stage a trifle and turns to stage right ; left center Pony leads from center, goes up stage a trifle and turns to stage left. Thus they lead to a line across stage just behind and parallel to the line they have just left. Those who were at ends are now at center, and those who were at center now form the two ends. The change is made in four measures, four steps to the measure. Ponies are now in front of Ladies and Men, and behind Senoritas and Toreadors. See Diagram 3. Each Pony now takes two red squares of cloth (which she has concealed in her costume in such a way that she can get them, instantly), and waves the squares over her head, one in each hand. There are four waves to the measure (one for each count), and both hands move in the same direction at once. Wave first to left. These sixteen waves take you through "gaze and adore." The next figure begins with 1st measure, 5th line, page 4. As Ponies are standing abreast across the stage, they two- step toward footlights for four measures — beginning left foot first measure, right foot second measure, left foot third, right foot fourth. On first measure, point to left with left index finger and look to left. On second measure, point to right with right index finger and look to right. Repeat for third and fourth measures. This covers "Not so bad" through "might be better." 20 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE We are now at last measure, page 4. For four measures we give one count each, as follows : ''best is none too'' — Step back with left foot, at the same time swinging both arms tO' left at waist level, palm of left hand facing audience, palm of right hand away from audi- ence ; sway body to left. ''good zi'hen it's not" — step back with right foot, swinging both arms to right, palm of right hand and back of left hand toward audience ; sway body to right. "quite up to tlie" — repeat left move, as above. "letter. The" — Repeat right move, as above. Ponies must now be back far enough to allow Ladies and Men in couples to walk in front of them. See Diagram 4. Beginning 4th measure, page 5, cake-walk for eight meas- ures, two counts to measure, making sixteen counts.' The cake-walk step is : Head thrown back, arms out in front, knee lifted high at each step, body bent backward, taking two steps to the measure. Pony at extreme right is leader. She turns to right and goes toward stage left, back of line, to form an oval or flattened circle, and Ponies in this forma- tion cake-walk once around behind Ladies and Men, who are doing cake-walk near footlights. Then Ponies come around to position in straight line abreast where they were standing before. This consumes eight measures, from "young folks like" to "zmth the bad ones." For men's line, "The good ones zi'ith the bad ones" stand still in line abreast across stage. On "bad" arms are upstretched at full length overhead, palms toward audience. Shake the hands and drop them. See Diagram 5. Beginning 4th measure, 3rd line, page 5, the allegro William Tell theme in two flats is a march of twenty meas- ures, two steps to the measure, making forty steps, as fol- lows : Pony at right end of line is leader. She marches oblique- ly down to footlights at extreme stage right, then directly up stage, forming line at right side, extending up from foot- lights. This takes fourteen counts. Then the leader goes toward left stage and leads Ponies into place forming line THE FOOTLJGHT REVUE 21 across stage from right to left. This takes fourteen more counts (total twenty-eight. counts). Now the line abreast marches four steps toward footlights (total thirty-two counts). At this point the center couple march forward toward footlights, followed by couples formed by one Pony from each side. This consumes eight steps, thus getting all Ponies in double file at end of 3rd measure, 2nd line, page 6. Ponies are now standing in couples one behind another, front couple well down near footlights. (Total forty counts, finishing the theme.) See Diagram 6. Beginning 4th measure, 2nd line, page 6, all hold position and gesture alike. The following numbers indicate gestures, not measures or counts. The exact moment of motion will be easily learned from rhythm of music. "Willie (1) Willie Wictiun (2)— 1. Feet together, body bent forward a little ; right elbow pressed against body, fore- arm and hand held up with index finger pointing straight up parallel with body ; left arm at side ; head to right. 2. Right forearm goes down so it is at right angles with body, index finger pointing forward; feet and left arm as in 1. "was (3) the victim (4)" — 3. Same as 1, but with left arm instead of right ; head to left. 4. Same as 2, but with left arm instead of right; head to left. "Of (5) a village belle (6)"— 5. Clasp hands in front of body. 6. Elbows pressing body, throw forearms up, par- allel with body ; hands open, palms to audience. "His (7) Johanna played (8) piano" — 7. Left hand on heart, right hand on top of left hand. 8. With both hands imitate playing a run on pia-no, moving them from left to right while waggling fingers. "Murdered (9) William Tell (10).— 9. Still playing piano ;. lift hands up in front of body as if preparing to strike a loud chord. 10. Imitation with both hands of striking tremendous chord on piano, "bang !" "Poor (11) Beethoven, interwoven" — Left hand on chest; right hand on forehead. 22 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE "With (12) her shot and shell" — Strike left palm with right fist, holding position through ''shell." ''Drove (13) poor Willie silly" — Arms at either side pressed to body from shoulders to elbows ; forearms down- stretched and slightly oblique from body, right forearm to right, and left forearm to left; hands with fingers out- stretched, hands bent square back at wrists at right angles with arms, palms toward floor ; eyes turned up ; body sway- ing a little, as if losing balance. ''till (14) he landed in a cell" — Both arms pressed tightly to body full length, hands pressed to body ; head down ; eyes down. "in (15) a padded cell" — Eyes opened wide; head waver- ing; elbows bent, liands out in front of body w^ith fingers moving as if trying to scratch someone. "Drove (16) poor Willie silly (17) till he"— 16. Right index finger touching right temple. 17. With right index finger, make two small circles in air near right temple. "Like (18) a crazy daffydiJly" — With hands in front of body, about at waist level, twist them around each other rapidly. "Landed (19) somewhere in a cell" — Clasp hands to- gether ; shake head ; eyes up. "Far (20) azi^ay from William Tell" — Hands now open and held forward, palms to audience ; move hands away from body as if pushing something away. This brings us to end of 3rd measure, 2nd line, page 7. Next we have "In a cell" spoken, not sung, twice slowly, three times quickly. 1st time stamp right foot, swinging both hands to right ; 2nd, stamp left foot, swing hands to left ; 3rd, stamp right, swing hands right ; 4th, stamp left, swing hands left; 5th, stamp. right, swing hands right. Each ..lamp comes on the word "cell" and must be done with great precision. Beginning 3rd measure, 3rd line, page 7, the two Ponies in fro;it act as leaders. They separate, left leader going left and right leader going right. Couples behind them separate and follow leaders, so when last couple has come down THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE - 23 where leaders stood, Ponies have formed a Hne abreast across stage, close to footlights. All run quickly to foot- lights, holding line formation, and on last "farewell" they sit down with legs crossed, arms outstretched to audience, laughing. Hold position till end of music. See Diagram 7. Keep smiling. Ladies and Men. This term is used for those in modem costumes, and does not include Ponies, Toreadors or Senoritas. We assume that six couples are used, but there may be more. Enter at 4th measure, 2nd line, page 3, at third entrance (about three-quarters up stage), half the couples from either side. Of those entering from right. Lady is at partner's right, Man's right hand holding Lady's left hand as high as possible. Of those entering from left. Lady is at partner's left, Man's left hand holding Lady's right hand as high as possible. Couples at right, Man makes first step with right foot, Lady with left foot. Couples at left, Man steps first with left foot and Lady with right foot. The step is a two-step, one complete two-step to a measure, partners turning away from each other on first measure, toward each other on second measure, and repeat through eight measures. That is, they turn azvay from each other on measures ''Here to please the" ''merchants and the," "Warbling bits of and "stick like porous." They turn toward each other on meas- ures "young and old, the" "pastors, by," "old time songs that" and "plasters" Couples from right go- toward footlights, forming a straight line of couples at right, from footlights to upper stage. Couples from left go toward footlights, forming straight line of couples at left, from footlights to up stage. See Diagram L Beginning 2nd measure, 4th line, page 3, couples at right face about, so last couple who entered are now leading. They turn and go obliquely down stage from up right toward footlights down left. At the same time the couples at left. 24 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE without facing about, turn right and go obHquely across and up stage from down left toward up right. So the two groups meet about at center. All now form single line (not double) Man and Lady alternating, each Lady being at her partner's left, the line extending from up right to down left. The above must be done quickly and with precision. The movement is made as follows : Each Man holds Lady^s hand. All step with left foot on "borrow'' (2nd measure, 4th line, page 3.) Treading lightly on the toe of the foot, take two steps to the measure. This gives eight steps, and with pause before solo will allow ample time to adjust line. This takes us through "We'll horrozv from the masters," solo and chorus repeat. W^ are now as in Di- agram 2. " Following gestures for Madame's solo, all Ladies gestur- ing alike and all Men gesturing alike, and working in couples : Ladies : " 'Tis the last rose of summer" — Take rose from waist with right hand, hold it toward ]\Ian. ''Left blooming alone." — Change rose to left hand, hold it out in front of body a little to left and up, and laugh at Man. "lovely companions" — Kiss rose, still in left hand. "Are faded and gone." — Place rose in left buttonhole of Man's coat. Men: "'Tis the last rose of summer" — Take off hat (or if hats are not worn, put hands in pockets) and look at rose. "Left blooming alone." — Reach out hand to take rose, which is too far away. "Lovely companions" — Drop hands to sides and pucker lips, as though whistling. "Are faded and gone" — Smiling very happily. Beginning 4th measure, 1st line, page 4, couple at ex- treme left become leaders. March in couples across stage and form a line of couples back of Ponies, right hand of Lady on Man's left arm. Your left side is now toward THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE . 25 audience. This takes seven measures of two counts each, taking you through "Come on, friends, let's — '' Clap hands on ''go,'' 5th measure, 2nd Hne, page 4, and clap again on ''go/' 1st measure, 3rd line, page 4. On last ''go," hop or jump up as high as possible and land on both feet. At beginning of Toreador theme, 2nd measure, 3rd line, page 4, all turn and face audience, so Ladies are now be- hind Ponies, and Men are behind Ladies, thus making a triple' row across stage. The first four measures (four counts to a measure or sixteen counts in all), are done as follows : Men and Ladies all march backward eight steps, retain- ing formation of two even lines. After these eight back- steps go forward again, taking just as many steps as necessary to come forward directly back of Ponies, and retaining symmetrical lines, not too far back. Then stand still for balance of the sixteen counts if necessary. This is through "Toreador, on guard now; Toreador, Toreador." Positions are now as in Diagram 3. Get red squares ready. Beginning 1st measure, 4th line, page 4, wave squares over head, four times to the measure, both hands going in same direction. Ladies all wave first to right (opposite to direction of Ponies), and Men wave first to left (same as Ponies and opposite to Ladies). Wave sixteen times. The waves must all start and end precisely together, everyone standing still. This is from "And think" through "gase and adore." Beginning 1st measure, 5th line, page 4, each Lady turns to Man behind her and gives him her right hand. Then, with couple at extreme right as leaders, go lightly, on toes, two steps to a measure, down to footlights at extreme right. Turn and go up stage, and form a line in couples up and down stage at right, Lady at left of Man. This consumes eight measures, beginning 1st measure, 5th line, page 4, through "letter. The—" 26 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE Then about face, so all are facing audience. Couple nearest footlights become leaders for next figure. See Di- agram 4. Beginning 4th measure, 1st line, page 5, taking two counts to a measure for the next eight measures, or sixteen counts in all, -the figure is : In couples, with Lady at right of Man, her left hand held very high in his right hand, body bent back, knee lifted as high as you can, cake-walk across stage near footlights from right to left ; make it extrava- gant. Take two steps to the measure. Consume the .whole sixteen counts in getting into position, in couples, in a line across stage near footlights from right to left. See Di- agram 5. Then stand still, facing left, for repeat line, ''The good ones with the had ones/' Throw hands up over head on ''bad." Now comes the allegro William Tell theme, 4th measure, 3rd line, page 5, for twenty measures, two counts to the measure, making forty steps. Lady at extreme left becomes leader, and marches straight up left. Her partner follows her, then second Lady and so on, making a single file. Lady and Man alternating. Leader takes line straight up stage, keeping as far left as possible, thus making a straight line from footlights toward back at extreme left. This takes fourteen counts or steps. Then leader turns toward foot- lights and marches straight down stage, keeping as close to original line as possible, and making the new line cover the old one rather than parallel to it. This takes fourteen more counts, with Hne still on left side but now facing audience. Leader now takes line from down left to up center, forming oblique line as in Diagram 6. First rehearsal will determine exact stopping point to bring line into place as shown. Leader must watch Spanish leader, in order to reach stop- ping point left of center at same time Spanish leader reaches stopping point right of center. All face audience. Beginning 4th measure, 2nd line, page 6, all hold position facing audience, and gesture alike, using same instructions as previously given for Ponies^ through five "ceir stamps. THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 27 Beginning 3rd measure, 3rd line, page 7, as soon as Spanish have swung their obHque Hne to horizontal po- sition across stage behind Ponies, who have gone down to foothghts, swing or wheel your line to a position straight across stage directly back of Spanish, and pressing closely against them. If stage is wide enough, have a single line, Man and Lady alternating ; otherwise make two lines, Men behind Ladies. On last "farewell" outstretch hands to audi- ence, laughing. Hold position, retaining smile, until music stops. See Diagram 7. Spanish Chorus. We assume that six couples are used, but there may be more. For brevity we will here refer to Toreadors as Boys, and Senoritas as Girls. Enter singing at beginning of theme, 2nd measure, 3rd line, page 4. Boys enter from right first entrance (entrance nearest footlights), and Girls enter from left first entrance. Boys form line across stage near footlights from right to left, leaving sufficient spaces between them for Girls to stand. Girls march on back of Boys, forming line from left to right back of Boys, spaced far enough apart for Boys to stand between them. For entrance, use brisk, swinging walk, four steps to a measure. Girls have arms akimbo (backs of hands on hips, elbows out). Boys have arms down at sides. Use twelve steps to get the two lines formed at end of 4th measure, 3rd line, page 4. This is through ''Toreador, on guard now, toreador'' All face audience. Each Boy now turns to his left and holds out left hand to Girl back of him, assisting her to the space at his left. Spanish thus form one line across stage at footlights. Boys and Girls alternating. Use four counts for this, finishing at end of 5th measure, 3rd line, page 4, ''Toreador" Positions now as in Diagram 3. Get red squares ready. Beginning 1st measure, 4th line, page 4, all hold position and wave red squares over head, four waves to a measure 28 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE and all hands going in same direction. Wave alternately, beginning at right and making ten waves, consuming ''And think wJicn in danger thon shalt he, dark eyes — ''' Each Girl now whirls around quickly and drops on her left knee on ''-dor el' 1st beat of 4th measure, 4th line, page 4, with hands still holding red squares and thrown over left and head turned right, looking up at Boy. At same time, Boy whirls around quickly in opposite direction from Girl and steps to her right side, holding left hand with red square over her head, and looking down at her. His right hand is at right side, a little away from body, holding other red square. This whirl and pose is through ''gaze and adore!' Holds position through 4th measure, 4th line, page 4. Beginning 1st measure, 5th line, page 4, in couples run lightly toward left, with couple on extreme left as leaders. Take two steps to the measure and go up stage at left side, forming a line of couples (double file) on left side of stage, facing up. Reach positions of Diagram 4 at end of 3rd measure, 1st line, page 5. With couple farthest up stage as leaders, turn and cake- walk across stage from left to right, back of Ponies. Each Girl must be at Boy's left, his left hand holding her right hand high ; body bent back; lift knee very high at each step; make it extravagant. Arrange steps so that at end of eight measures there is a line of couples across from left to right. This is from "young folks like" through "the had ones." Positions are now as in Diagram 5. Then stand still in position, facing right, for repeat line, "The good ones zvith the had ones." Throw hands up on "had." Now comes the allegro William Tell theme of twenty measures, two counts to the measure, making forty steps in the theme. Each Boy, who is at Girl's right, reaches back of her head with his left arm and takes her left hand in his left hand. These joined left hands are held high enough for the Girl, when she throws back her head, to rest against the Boy's arm. He takes her right hand in his right hand, with her right arm stretched across in front of THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 29 his body and held away from it. His head is bent a little toward her. She looks forward, smiling. As couples join hands in manner described they swing around into a single line, all facing audience. In a line abreast advance toward footlights, for twelve counts or steps, taking very short steps and all starting with left foot. Advance way down to footlights, consuming the following: " — sing, let us sing a brand new thing, Let us sing a song zuorth featuring, Let us sing, let us sing a brand new thing — "'' Beginning 5th measure, 4th line, page 5, face right, Boy at extreme right becomes leader of a file with Boys and Girls alternating. He leads line straight up right, and line should be at extreme right, from footlights to up stage, at end of 1st measure, top line, page 6, taking fourteen steps. This is for ''Come, let us sing, let us sing; Something new with ginger in it, Something really zi'orth the while; Some- thing righ t up — '' At this point about face, so that Girl nearest footlights, who was last in line, now becomes leader. She turns di- agonally up left and takes the line to a point a little right of center up stage, getting position shown in Diagram 6. She should watch the set on left side of stage, so that two sets may march exactly opposite and make position at the same moment. This line-up from down right to up center is made during "to the minute, try and make them smile; Let us sing, let us sing; Let us sing, let us sing, let us sing/*" Spanish are now in oblique line at right. Ladies and Men in obHque line at left, Ponies at center. All now hold position, facing audience, and all gesture alike, using instruc- tions given for Ponies, through ''Far away from William Tell." See Diagram 6. Now we have "In a cell" spoken five times — twice slowly, three times fast. On first "cell," stamp left foot and swing both hands to left; on second "cell," stamp right foot and swing both hands to right; third, foot and hands to left; fourth, foot and hands to right ; fifth, foot and hands to left. This must be done with great uniformity. 30 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE Beginning 3rd measure, 3rd line, page 7, as soon as Ponies start forward, wheel your oblique line down to straight horizontal line across stage, back of Ponies and as close to them as possible, and in front of Ladies and Men. On last ''farewell'' Boys and Girls all drop on one knee, all those right of center kneeling on left knee and facing somewhat right, and all those left of center kneeling on right knee and facing somewhat left, each one as erect as possible. At the same moment extend hands outstretched to audience on last "farezvelL" Hold pose until music stops. See Diagram 7. Keep smihng. "STEPPIN' AROUND." (First Finale.) Chorus People. This number uses the entire cast and chorus of Part One. Have all the Ponies, Ladies and Men, and Senoritas and Toreadors, ready in the wings, in couples, half at right side and half at left. Have the six female principals (not including Tottie), take the six male principals (not includ- ing the Quartet) for partners, three couples on each side. Have the remaining four men (the Quartet) take four Ponies for partners, two couples on each side. And the four remaining Ponies go in couples, one couple on either side. (We refer to chorus people by their first costuming, but if they have changed to other costumes for specialties they wear whatever costumes they had at last appearance ; or they may have special costumes for this number.) As music starts, chorus starts entering from both sides, in couples, at 3rd entrances right and left. The chorus people come first, in couples, and keeping the sets together. Then on each side two Ponies coupled with two Quartet Men, then a pair of Ponies, and lastly the Principals in couples. (One Pony from each side will take the place of a man partner and will follow instructions given for men.) The two double ranks, entering from opposite sides and marching toward each other, pass at center and form two THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE , 31 horizontal lines of couples across stage, one from right to left and the other from left to right. Stand in couples just as you marched in, those who came from right facing left and those from left facing right. Those from right are nearer footlights, those from left are farther up stage. Each lady is at her partner's right. She has her left hand in his right arm. Enter with a light, easy marching step, two steps to the measure. There are eight measures in introduction, or six- teen steps to gain position, which is to be made by end of introduction. See Diagram 8. Now comes a four-measure vamp, allowing eight counts or steps. Holding relative positions of couples as in di- agram, and all stepping alike, do this : 1st count, take short step back, with left foot; 2nd count, short step back with right foot ; 3rd count, «hort step for- ward with left foot ; 4th count, short step forward with right foot. Then repeat the four steps, making the eight counts for vamp. As the two double rows are facing in opposite directions, one half moves toward right while other half moves toward left, etc. This formation should be well up stage. After vamp, soloist starts singing. For brevity we will designate all couples who entered from right as "Right," and those who entered from left as "Left." As soloist starts singing, leaders of "Right" couples turn right and march across stage, forming straight line across stage from left to right, parallel to position they are leaving, and a very little further down stage. Leaders, on reaching extreme right, turn and march down stage to footlights, forming straight line in couples from upper right to right at foot- lights. This consumes twelve steps plus ten steps. At the same time, leaders of "Left" couples turn left and join to end of line of "Right" couples and march across stage from right to left, forming a straight line in couples across stage parallel to one they are leaving. This line is where "Right" couples stood at first. On reaching extreme left they turn and march down to footlights, forming straight line in 32 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE couples from upper left to footlights at left. This consumes twenty-two steps. "Right" couples are now on right side, in a double file of couples from up right to down right, all facing audience, while "Left" couples are formed at left to balance. Front right couple now wheel left and march to center, followed by second right couple. At the same time front left couple wheel right and march to center, followed by second left couple. The two couples from each side meet at center, and by two's wheel back into a straight line of eight people (four couples) across stage from left to right, all facing audience. In this line of eight abreast they march backward up stage to allow the next eight people (two more cO'Uples from each side) to form a similar line of eight abreast in front of them. This second row of eight, when formed, likewise marches backward up stage to allow a third row of eight (four from each side) to form a line abreast in front of them. This third line marches backward up stage to allow still a fourth line' (four from each side) to form eight abreast in front of them, and so on until all are formed. See Diagram 9. In making the above-described figure, all march continu- ously until, in the eight-abreast formation, each line has backed the required number of steps. We will assume that there are six couples of Ladies and Men, six Spanish couples, eight Ponies and sixteen Prin- cipals in the figure, making forty-eight people. in all, or six lines of eight people. The first line to form marches back- ward ten steps and halts; second line to form, eight steps back ; third line to form, six steps back ; fourth line to form, four steps back; fifth line to form, two steps back; sixth (or last) line to form, is line nearest footlights when figure is completed, and does not march backward, but holds line at place of formation. This should be just far enough back from footlights to allow space for soloist to work. This formation is completed at end of last measure, 2nd line, page 3. See Diagram 9. Now all take four steps backward (left, right, left, right), THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 33 and then four steps forward (left, right, left, halt), which completes the first verse. See Diagram 9. For the first eight measures (16 counts) of the chorus, the first, third and fifth rows step in unison, and the sec- ond, fourth and sixth rows step in unison. The steps for first, third and fifth rows are for the first sixteen counts as follows : 1. Right foot steps left, back of left foot. 2. Left foot steps left, level with right foot. 3. Right foot steps left, in front of left foot. 4. Left foot points toward left, level with right foot, keeping weight on right foot. 5. Left foot steps right, back of right foot. 6. Right foot steps right, level with left foot. 7. Left foot steps right, in front of right foot. 8. Right foot steps right, level with left foot. 9. Left foot steps right, back of right foot. 10. Right foot steps right, level with left foot. 11. Left foot steps right, in front of right foot. 12. Right foot points right, level with left foot ; weight on left foot. 13. Right foot steps left, back of left foot. 14. Left foot steps left, level with right foot. 15. Right foot steps left, in front of left foot. 16. Left foot points left, level with right foot. The steps for the second, fourth and sixth rows for the first sixteen counts are just the reverse of those above, as follows : 1. Left foot steps right, back of right foot. 2. Right foot steps right, level with left foot. 3. Left foot steps right, in front of right foot. 4. Right foot points right, level with left foot, keeping weight on left foot. 5. Right foot steps left, back of left foot. 6. Left foot steps left, level with right foot. 7. Right foot steps left, in front of left foot. 8. Left foot steps left, level with right foot. 9. Right foot steps left, back of left foot. 34 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 10. Left foot steps left, level with right foot. 11. Right foot steps left, in front of left foot. 12. Left foot points left, level with right foot ; weight on right foot. 13. Left foot steps right, back of right foot. 14. Right foot steps right, level with left foot. 15. Left foot steps right, in front of right foot. 16. Right foot points right, level with left foot. It takes 16 counts (eight measures) to finish the above figure. Repeat the whole figure, making 16 measures, and thus reaching end of 4th measure, 1st line, page 4. Beginning 5th measure, 1st line, page 4, the two girls in each row nearest center face about and start up stage, form- ing two files moving up stage, while the two outer girls of each row start toward footlights, forming two files moving down. Leader of right center file (going up), turns around to her left and follows right outside file (coming down), and leader of left center file (going up) turns to her right and follows left outside file (coming down), while the ends down stage join in the same way and complete the two moving ovals or flattened circles, each of which is en- circling six men. See Diagram 10. Each circle goes around twice. Keep the formation, step and rate of speed uniform. While girls are marching around, men all turn to right, then to left, one turn to the measure, to end of first chorus. These turns must be snappy and uniform. At end of chorus, girls in circles should be back to original places and all face audience, in position shown in Diagram 9. Second Chorus. Girls In front row go forward a step, just far enough to be clear of mass formation, then face right, girl at right end of front row becoming the leader. At same time, girls in rear rows move forward. Leader takes file of girls down extreme right, then up stage at right side, then across stagq to upper left. Girls from second row fall in behind girls of first row, first (right) girl of second row following last THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE ' 35 (left) girl of first row, etc. Each right end girl thus be- comes leader of her row. See Diagram 11. When first half of this line of girls (the first twelve) is ranged across back of stage from right to left, thirteenth girl becomes leader for a second line, going back of first line and leading across to left, making a second line of twelve girls just behind first twelve. All face audience. See Diagram 12. While the girls are marching and the men are waiting for their turn to start, men bear w^eight on right foot and at the same time tap floor lightly, twice, with ball of left foot. On second tap, throw weight on to left foot. This consumes the two counts of first measure. For second m.easure, with weight on left foot tap floor lightly, twice, with ball of right foot, lifting foot from floor between the taps as high as the time will allow, and hold arms slightly curved at sides. On second tap, throw weight on to left foot. Continue with this step until time for men to begin marching. Men in fourth, fifth and sixth lines join on to end of line of marching girls, with left end man of sixth line as leader. Then fifth line joins on, left end man leading. Then fourth line joins on, left end man leading. See Diagram 11. March down to extreme right at footlights, turn abruptly, march up stage and form oblique line from right end of footlights to right end of double row of girls. This will presently return to the girls the partners with whom they marched in at first. See Diagram 12. As men in fourth, fifth and sixth lines start to march, men in first, second and third fines also start, led by right end man of first line. He marches over to footlights ex- treme left, followed by the three men in his line. Second line joins on, led by right end man. Third line joins on, led by right end man. See Diagram 11. At footlights this moving line turns abruptly and goes up stage, forming an oblique line from left footlights to left end of double line of girls. This will give the girls the same partners with whom they marched in at first. See Diagram 12. When position is gained by all, men turn toward girls and 36 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE bow, and girls curtsey to men. All are now as in Dia- gram 12. Soloist now goes up stage — alone, or with dancing partner if she has one — and takes position up center, just in front of double rank of girls. As couples form, she keeps at head of formation. Men nearest to two lines of girls offer arms to girls, take partners and march toward center. Men at left offer arms to girls in front rank and as girls accept partners this line keeps moving toward left. Men at right take partners -from girls in rear rank and this line of girls keeps moving right. As each man gets his partner the couple marches to center and joins in grand march led by soloist, making a procession of couples, led by soloist, alone or with partner. She leads the march over to right, then down to footlights at the right, across stage at footlights to left side, then up left and around back, finally forming a circle moving around the stage, by reaching rear center just as final couple is joined. This circle must be continuous, without any break. Each couple should do an extravagant step, adding whatever touches they wish to the regulation cake-walk step or "strut," which has been explained for Opening Chorus. Uniformity is not called for in this walk-around, and each couple can ''do their stuff" ad lib, simply keeping the circle formation, maintaining the rhythm and making it snappy. Each man must have his lady at his right. That is, all girls are on outside of circle as couples go around stage. Continue the walk-around when the curtain is down, so that as many curtains as desired may be taken, the perform- ers still going around in their grotesque walks or dances. The final ascent of the curtain may be just enough to show the feet of the people on the stage, and then be dropped quickly. Should only one chorus be desired, the directions for the first chorus may be ignored. Soloist. Soloist makes her appearance while vamp is playing. Come on hurriedly, as if you had great news to tell. Sing THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE . 37 the song in an excited, descriptive way, picking out differ- ent parts of the audience to whom to sing the different de- scriptive phrases. All the time keep moving with a jazzy sway, but not so pronounced in the verse as in the chorus. Run quickly to center for first phrase, "Listen, brother," etc.^ Dash over to left and pick out two different parts of audience, upstairs and down, to sing "Hurry, brother," etc., and "Fix yourself for action," etc. Work toward center for "Miss Malindy" etc. and "So wear" etc. Then run to right for "What will happen" etc. To center again for "Just take a tip" etc., and gradually increase the syncopated action as you approach chorus. In the vernacular, you must slam it to 'em right over the footlights. Unless the director knows the soloist is a sure-fire per- former in this kind of singing and action, it will help greatly to insure the success of this number to assign a special partner to soloist for chorus. It is always pleasing, any- way. With the ensemble singing of chorus, soloist is re- lieved from singing and can concentrate on comedy action. The partner should be an eccentric comedian, and an effective entrance can be made from one of the theatre boxes, or down the aisle from the audience and up over the footlights. The following business is suggested. Partner appears at beginning of first chorus. They do an eccentric walk or dance step from one side of stage to the other, the more extravagant the better. He walks backward, soloist following him, and he swings her around at the turns. If he is athletic enough he can lift her clear of the stage as he swings her around. Have orchestra make trick noises for turns, swings, kicks, etc. For second cross-over, she leads, walking backward, and he follows, with his hands outstretched to her waist, doing extravagant walk after her. At next turn, he swings her <• round violently. She can stop to powder her nose and rouge her cheeks and lips, whereupon he takes perfume atomizer from his pocket and pretends to spray his hair. She can wear a bunch of carrots or a sunflower as corsage bouquet, and give it to him. He picks them oft' one at a time, doing 38 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE "She loves me, she loves me not," etc., while she takes vanity case and powders nose and reddens cheeks and lips. He looks up and sees she is paying nO' attention. He goes sadly over to side of stage. Someone hands him a hammer from the wings, and he strikes his fist against his head while with other hand he bangs hammer against proscenium. He leans, gasping, against proscenium. He half opens his eyes to see how it affects her. She takes a chocolate from vanity case, eats it, fixes her hair, smiles at imaginary person in audi- ence, etc. He is disgusted, throws hammer away and goes over to see at whom she is smiling. He is very jealous and angry. When he reaches her side she looks at him after a little, and smiles. Immediately he changes, grins broadly, offers his arm and they resume their dance. For second chorus, they cake-walk from side to side and then up stage, and take position at center just in front of girls' double line. They then lead the march obliquely to footlights down right, cross to left, then complete the circle, and continue cake-walk to curtain. GRAND FINALE. Chorus People. The music is the finale of Denison's Minstrel Opening Chorus and Finale Number Two. At the moment the music starts, all chorus members start forming a single line, with Wives leading, then Slaves, then Tourists. This line, led by Wives in single file, starts from upper right at beginning of singing, goes down right to footlights and then across stage from right to left at footlights. Form lines across stage. Number of lines de- pends on width of stage and size of chorus. Director must determine how many people to the line. When one line is completed, a second line forms behind them, crossing from right to left, and so on if necessary. Wives go in front. Move rapidly enough to have these lines formed across stage by "We II all zvait anxiously/' 3rd measure, 1st line, page 9. Lines now part at center and make an opening wide enough THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 39 for Principals to come through, two abreast. Chorus people at right turn and face center with left arm extended full length toward center, extended obliquely up so that hand is above head, while those left turn and face center with right arm raised in same manner. Hold this position until Pansy and Rose come through opening and reach footlights. Then face front, with hands down. On 2nd measure, 4th line, page 9, ''say," all raise both hands full length of arms over heads, palms of hands toward audience, and shake their hands in the air until curtain is down. Don't forget the smile ! Principals. At beginning of singing, El Goofus and Gazook march down to footlights, one at extreme right and the other at extreme left. They face and raise arm same as Chorus, but do not march with Chorus. When music starts. Pansy, Jakie, Bayuda, Mud Pie Girl, Southern Girl, Chinese Girl, Rube Girl, French Girl, Jack and Rose go upstage and form a line across stage back of marching Chorus, taking places in the order named from right to left. On 5th measure, 1st line, page 9, Southern and Chi- nese couple go through center opening, and on reaching footlights. Southern Girl goes toward right, in front of Chorus, and Chinese Girl goes toward left. Mud Pie Girl and Rube Girl follow them closely through center opening and reach footlights one measure after them. That is, if Southern and Chinese couple reach foot lights at, say, 4th measure, 2nd line, page 9, Mud Pie and Rube couple reach footlights at 5th measure, 2nd line, page 9, Mud Pie Girl going right and Rube Girl going left. Then Bayuda and French Girl come through center to footlights at 1st measure, 3rd line, page 9, Bayuda going right and French Girl going left. Jakie and Jack come through center and reach footlights at 2nd measure, 3rd line, page 9. Jakie goes just a little to right and Jack just a little to left. Then Pansy and Rose come through center and reach footlights at 3rd measure, 3rd Hne, page 9. 40 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE We now have, in a new line nearest the foothghts, the Principals in this order: (Right) Gazook, Southern Girl, Mud Pie Girl, Bayuda, Jakie, Pansy, (center) Rose, Jack, French Girl, Rube Girl, Chinese Girl, El GooFus (Left.) This hne is complete at 4th measure, 3rd line, page 9. On the final word, ''say," page 9, all extend both arms at full length over heads, palms toward audience, and shake their hands to audience until the curtain is down. Don't forget the smile ! THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE Part One. "ON WITH THE PLAY !" Scene: The hare stage of a theatre showing brick wall at back, and miscellaneous wings, wood and interior, set in haphazard fashion right and left. A rear drop {any scene) is ready to be lowered a few seconds after singing starts. (This is to improve voice qualities after registering the bare stage scene.) Plain table and tzvo plain chairs are in wings, first left entrance, ready to be pulled on after opening chorus. Some old furniture is piled at back. Various stage properties are scattered in confusion. Lights : Up full throughout, or use spot light with stage lights down for solos ad lib. At end of ten measures of introductory music {imme- diately following the "break''), curtain goes up very quick- ly, with Ponies on stage, dancing and singing. Ponies (sing). This is a night of revelry, Of songs and jokes and laughter; Our good impressions, let us hope, Will live with you hereafter. Ladies and Men begin entering. All join in singing as they enter. All (continue singing). We're here to please the young and old, The merchants and the pastors. By warbling bits of old time songs That stick like porous plasters. (See Diagram 1 for Positions.) 41 42 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE Grey enters grandly, down right. Grey (sings). We'll borrow from the masters. All (sing). We'll borrow from the masters. Madame enters doum left. Slight pause. See Diagram 2 for positions. Madame (sings). 'Tis the last rose of summer, Left blooming alone ; All her lovely companions, Are faded and gone. All (sing). Too slow! Too slow! These people paid their dough. They want some ''pep" so watch your step, Now come on, friends, let's go. — Let us go, let us go, let us go! Toreadors and Senoritas begin entering. All (continue singing). Toreador, on guard now, Toreador, Toreador! (For positions see Diagram 3.) And think when in danger thou shalt be, Dark eyes gaze and adore. Not so bad, it could be worse, And still it might be better. The best is none too good when it's Not quite up to the letter. (For positions, see Diagram 4.) The young folks like the jazzy rags. The old folks like the sad ones. You'll have to take just what we give, The good ones with the bad ones. All Men (sing). The good ones with the bad ones. (For positions, see Diagram 5.) THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE ' 43 All (sing). Let us sing, let us sing a brand new thing Let us sing a song worth featuring; Let us sing, let us sing a brand new thing, Come, let us sing, let us sing. All Men (sing). Something new with ginger in it, Something really worth the while; All Ladies (sing). Something right up to the minute. Try and make them smile. All (sing). Let us sing; let us sing; Let us sing, let us sing, let us sing, (For positions, see Diagram 6.) Willie Willie Wictum was the victim Of a village belle. His Johanna played piano, Murdered William Tell. Poor Beethoven, interwoven With her shot and shell Drove poor Willie silly till he Landed in a cell. In a padded cell! Drove poor Willy silly till he, Like a crazy daffy dilly, Landed somewhere in a cell, Far away from William Tell, (Shout.) In a cell! — In a cell! — In a cell, in a cell, in a cell ! (Sing.) If we don't make a hit with you We'll land in a cell. — Farewell ! (For positions, see Diagram 7.) 44 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE (Note: Do not take encore under any circumstances. The show must start zmth a rush. The unexpected appear- ance of Driver in audience will hush the applause.) At the moment the music stops, Driver jumps up from his seat in the front row in the audience. 'DmwER {shouts). Rotten! Oh, that was terrible ! Why don't you put some pep into it? (Chorus Members look angrily at him and whisper among themselves.) What were you singing, anyway? A Pony. Why, Mr. Driver, that was the opening chorus. Driver. The opening chorus? It sounded hke the funeral march from Tannhauser ! Who are you ? A Pony. I'm one of the ponies. Driver. A pony? W^ell, we're putting on a musical comedy, not a wild west show. {Going up steps on to stage with manuscript in hand.) Come on, now! Clear the stage, all of you ! Back to the gymnasium with the rest of the dumb-bells ! (Chorus Members all hasten from the stage in disorderly fashion.) Driver {as he reaches center of stage, turns and calls sharply). Props! Oh, Props ! Willie {off right, in lasy, drawling voice). Well, what's the trouble ? What's the trouble ? Driver. Turn on some more lights! Willie {off stage). Say, what's the matter with the electrician? Ain't he allowed to do some work no more? Driver {impatiently). Come, come; turn 'em on. I can't wait for him. {Crosses left.) Willie {off stage) . Say, I'm liable to get a shock, ain't I ? Driver. Yes, and so am I if I ever catch you working. {Gets table and chairs from left zvings and places them dozmi left.) Willie {off stage, sulkily). Aw, gee, you make me sick! Willie Jump enters down right. His hands are thrust in his "jumper^'; he walks zvith shuffling feet. THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE - 45 Driver {goes to table, on which he lays manuscript, takes out his zmtch, looks at it,- frowning). Ten o'clock and the principals not here yet. Willie. Well, that's what you git for callin' rehearsals for the middle of the night. Driver {viciously snaps watch shut, pockets it, then pulls out a cigar; lights it while speaking). This is ten a. m., Mr. Jump. Ten a. m. See? Willie. Well, ain't that the middle of the night? And another thing, Mr. Driver. I want you to understand that I am a union man. I belong to the union and Fm working sixteen hours a day. Driver. Eight hours. Willie. I say sixteen hours. I work sixteen hours a day. Driver. Then you're not a good union man. Union men only work eight hours a day. Willie. Well, I belong to two unions. What kind of a show is this, anyway? Driver (tapping manuscript) . That reminds me. In this alleged play, the heroine is lost in a snow storm and is at- tacked by wolves. Now, what are we going to do about howls ? Willie. Oh, don't worry. After the first act the audi- ence won't do a thing but howl. Driver. That'll be enough from you. I don't wish you any bad luck or anything, but I only hope some day you have to put on a home talent musical comedy yourself. That's all. Willie. Oh, is that so? What's the matter with the job? Driver. A lot of the cast got mad at me and quit, and we have a lot of new ones coming this morning to rehearse. Willie. Well, I'd hand in my resignation myself right now, if it wasn't for one thing. Driver. And what's the one thine? Willie. I'm afraid I'd lose my job. (Exits dozvn left.) (Driver laughs.) 46 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE Enter Percy Penn, briskly, up right, with a roll of manu- script. Penn (cheerily). Ah, good morning, Mr. Driver. Hope I'm not late. (Looking at watch.) Driver (half sitting on table and puffing hard on cigar). Late? You? What for? Penn. Why, for the rehearsal, of course. Driver (in seeming surprise). Why, you didn't come for the rehearsal, did you? Penn. Certainly I did. Driver. You haven't anything to rehearse. Penn (aghast). Why, Pm — Pm the — author. Driver (putting one finger on lips and glancing cautious- ly all about). Hush! Not so loud. Somebody might hear you. Penn. Well, It's nothing to be ashamed of, Pm sure. Furthermore, this thing (tapping manuscript) is merely a beginning. I am now engaged in writing a play for — (name some very prominent manager). Driver (sarcastically). Um! I wonder what he'll say when he finds it out? (Loud shout of warning from- off stage and then a piece of scenery falls. Penn jumps just in time to escape it.) PeHin (to Driver, excitedly). By Jove! Did you see that? That fellow is beastly careless! Driver (dryly). I should say he is.- If he can't hit you the next time, I'll fire him. (Picks up fallen scenery and sets it to one side.) Many voices heard off stage and amid much confusion, bustle, chattering, laughing, etc., the follozmng characters enter from^ various entrances, at the right — Tottie Twin- KLETOES, Jane Gabb, Ima Goodwin, John Draw Knott, Eddie Offkee. Seldom Hurd, Lustie Tenner, Willie Discord and some chorus Men and Ladies in street attire. Driver. Say, where you folks been, anyway? Do you think this is a sewing society? THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 47 Offkee (stepping forward daintily, speaking in a gentle tone of voice and zvith perfect pronunciation). Begging your pardon, sir, and after a most minute scrutiny of my wristwatch, I beg leave to say that I — Driver {interrupting). Oh, cut it! I say you are late, and that goes as it lays ! Knott. What's the difference? A mere matter of a minute or two, y' know. Driver. And the same goes for you, Mr. John Draw Knott. Ima {stepping fornfard and smiling szveetly, to Driver). Are you angry at me, Mr. Driver? Driver. You? Angry at you? Nothing like it. Be- sides you were not late, Miss Goodwin. {He beams at her. At this there is a general murmur, exclamations, and one or two laugh loudly. Driver frowns, glances severely; they subside and group about stage.) Willie enters from the left. Penn (going to center). Mr. Driver, now that the com- pany are all here, I suggest that rehearsals start immediately. Driver (sarcastically) . Oh, you do, eh? Penn. Yes sir. I have an engagement to lunch with a lady at twelve sharp. Driver. Oh, she'll wait for you. Penn. How do you know? Driver. She waited for me. (All laugh at the thrust.) Penn (to Driver). But, I say, Mr. Driver — Driver. Young man, rehearsals in this theatre start when / say, not you. Penn (to Driver, haughtily). You forget that I am the author, sir. Driver. No, I don't. You won't let me forget. But to make certain that I won't forget that you are the author I will have you removed. (To Willie.) Props, be kind enough to throw this rising young author down the nearest stairway, so that he will be convinced that he has ample 48 tHE FOOTLIGHT REVUE opportunity to rise again. (During Driver's speech Willie takes position beside Penn.) Willie (grabbing Penn by coat collar and seat of trousers). Here is where I don't have to show a union card. (Runs Penn off right, then noise of falling body is heard. All exclaim and laugh.) Driver. Now, then, we can begin. (Addressing the Chorus Ladies and Men.) You folks haven't anything to do* for a while, so you may go. Offkee (stepping forward). The quartette has a scene in the first act, haven't we ? Driver. Yes, I believe so. I'll tell you what you could do, though. You can sing where the wolves chase the heroine, and it'll sound near enough like wolves howling to fool the audience. (All Chorus people, except the Quartette, exeunt. All principals exeunt except Driver, Grey and Jane, who sit at table and observe quartette specialty.) Specialty by Quartette: "In the Evening by the Moon- light, Long Ago." (Sing first verse and chorus only; for encore, repeat chorus. Quartette exeunt right at conclu- sion.) Grey (to Driver). Speaking for myself, sir — Driver. Oh, you're always speaking for yourself. Grey. As one who has appeared on the professional as well as the amateur stage, I merely wanted to inquire if there is to be any real food on the table in the banquet scene ? Driver. Certainly. Real food. Grey. Then I object, sir. Driver. You object. Why, the rest of the company are delighted at the idea of having real food. Grey. Yes ; but my part requires me to rise from the table after a couple of mouth fuls and say (very dramatical- ly) : "I cannot eat tonight. A strange dread comes over me ; I will seek the quiet of yonder conservatory for a time." THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE , 49 Driver. Well, that's the fault of the author. Now, folks, we'll get busy with Act One. Jane {to Driver). Pardon me, Mr. Driver, but do I "do" characters in this? Driver. Say, what do you expect to do with a face like yours? Entice men from home? Jane {sighing). Well, I did think I might get something more in my **type" this time — more girlish, you know. Driver {sarcastically). Oh, is that so! {Picks up manu- script.) Here is the bunch of trouble, folks. {Surveys it, dubiously.) ToTTiE enters, with candy box under her arm. Tottie {to Driver). Say, Mr. Driver, I was thinking. Driver {resignedly). Well, Miss Twinkletoes, what's on your mind ? I suppose you've got some other kick coming. Maybe you'd like real moonshine in the banquet scene, and an automobile to call for and deliver you after every per- formance? Tottie {szifeetly). Oh, no, sir. I was merely wonder- ing when that wonderful new musician was going to show up for rehearsal. Driver {looking about quickly). Bless my soul! Say, I never thought about him. Tottie. Well, I'm going to see if my new costume has come. Driver. Your new costume? I thought that was what you had in the box. Tottie {opening candy box, taking out a piece and eating it as she goes) . The idea ! {Exits left:) DeMun enters, shyly and hesitantly, from the right. He carries a violin tucked under his arm. Driver {seeing DeMun). I don't know what it is, but it looks like trouble. {Fiercely.) Well! What do you want? (DeMun smiles and boms graciously.) I said, what do you want? (DeMun continues smiling and bond- ing.) Can't you understand English? {Same business by DeMun, zuho then holds forzmrd his violin, significantly.) 50 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE Oh, you're the new musician? (DeMun nods.) You scrape-a da fid'? (DeMun shows great delight.) Well, I'm from Missouri. Go ahead and make-a da muse' ! Violin solo by DeMun. While orchestra plays introduction, Grey and Jane casually stroll off stage. Driver sits on edge of table and listens critically during specialty. At conclusion, DeMun hows and exits dozim right. After specialty, Penn enters excitedly up right. His hair is disheveled and one cuff is blackened. During the next feiv speeches the follownng stroll on the stage, as though curious to see what is going on : Madame, Knott, Grey, Ima and Willie. Penn (appealingly, to Driver). Mr. Driver, I protest. I protest, sir. Driver. That's two protests. Penn. I have two coming. I protest against being thrown down stairs, and again I protest against that Dago playing his fiddle and interrupting this rehearsal. (Willie moves right of Penn.) Driver. Anything else? Penn (showing soiled cuff). Yes, look at that cufif. Clean this very morning, sir. Driver. You should have thought of these before you wrote this play. Props, throw the young author down stairs again. Willie (seidng Penn. addresses Driver). Down the same stairs? Driver. Certainly. Use no other — and beware of imita- tions. Willie {to Penn). Come on. (Runs Penn off right. Noise of falling body, folloiifed by loud crash of broken glass. As Willie runs Penn off, all turn and look after him, shozving delight at Penn^s ejection.) Driver. He's discovered a new route this trip. Madame (turning to Driver). Has that young man ever done you any wrong? THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 51 Driver. He has. He wrote this. {Tapping manu- script.) Knott. I say, Mr. Driver, what's this play about, any- way? Driver. It's about the worst I ever read. But if you will all gather about me, I'll try to give you a brief outline of it. (They all fonn a half circle about him as he sits on table, manuscript in hand, preparing to read.) Enter Mrs. Sippy from left. She has a pail in one hand and a scrubbing brush in the other. The pail may contain fine salt instead of abater if desired. She moves within easy distance of the group and throws out a quantity of water {or salt) on floor, supposedly on their feet; then she drops down on knees and mgorously begins to scrub floor. The persons struck with water jump and exclaim angrily. She continues to' ply brush, until — Driver {angrily). Here, here, Mrs. Sippy. What do you think you are doing? Mrs. S. {looking up innocently, speaking with marked Irish brogue). What do I think I'm doin'? B'gorry, I know what I'm doin' — an' that's more than the crazy loikes of yez do. Driver. Well, you can't scrub now. Mrs. S. Oh, can't I? Watch me. {Vigorously plies brush.) Madame {indignantly). This is an outrage. My gown will be utterly ruined. Driver {to Mrs. S., soothingly). There, there, my good woman — Mrs. S. {stops scrubbing and looks up atjiim). I'm not your good woman, and ye know it ! Driver {coaxingly). Now, please go. We have a re- hearsal. Mrs. S. Yes, an' I have a scrubbin'. Driver. I'll f^x you. {Calls sharply.) Props! Oh, Props Willie enters from right. 5^ THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE Willie (snarling). Well, now what's the trouble? Driver (pointing to Mrs. S.)- Please remove the Irish person. Willie (looking at Mrs. S., grinning; she gets to her feet, rolls up sleeves and assumes a belligerent attitude). What? Throw her out? The line's busy. Hang up your receiver. Mrs. S. (threateningly). Yes, come on an' start some- thin', you little uncooked shrimp ! Driver (to Willie). See! She called you an uncooked shrimp. Willie. I don't care. I'm anythin' she says, I am, and a couple of things besides. I throw out authors, but I draw the Hne at the likes of her. (Slouches off, left.) Madame (stepping forward; to Mrs. S.). My dear, please retire. Our rehearsal must go on. Mrs. S. (smiling sweetly at Madame). Oh, if yez ask as one lady to another, I couldn't very well refuse. Grey (stepping forward; to Mrs. S.). It must be hard to occupy the position in life you do. Wouldn't you like to be an actor? Mrs. S. (to Grey, quickly). Yes — wouldn't you? (Gen- eral laugh, as she exits left.) Driver (with a sigh of relief, picking up manuscript) . Ladies and gentlemen, the title of this thing the author has the effrontery to call a play is, "The Lighthouse by the Sea." Grey. Speaking for myself, I don't care for the title. Driver. What's wrong with it? Grey. Speaking for myself, and much to my sublime sorrow, I have seen too many ^'light houses" in my career. Driver. Enough. Let's get busy. First -act calls for an interior set. Practical door and window at back and door right and left. (Calls sharply.) Willie! I say, Willie ! Willie (off left). Well? Driver. Come here. Willie enters from left. THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 53 Driver (to Willie). Give us an interior. Practical door and window back and door right and left— quick! Willie (sarcastically). Say, you don't want much quick, do you? Wouldn't care for a couple of practical broiled lobsters and a case of champagne right and left, would you quick? rr-l 1 1- A Driver. Don't get sarcastic. Hurry up. The ladies and gentlemen are waiting. . Willie. Let 'em wait. They're better waiters than actors, anyhow. ^ ,i ^ Driver (impatiently). Come, come; do we get ttie set or not ? , • 1 1 Willie. You dcK-not! I don't get paid any salary around this place, and you don't get somethm' from me till I do. Will you let me have two dollars till Saturday ; Driver. I will not. Willie. Why? . Driver. Because you aren't going to be here till batur- ^WiLLiE. Good night! (Exits right, whistling mourn- fully.) Driver. Good riddance! Knott. I say, Mr. Driver, you have no comedian in this play. . , . t^ x Driver. Oh, yes, we have. (Looking at Knott from head to foot.) You're the funniest thing I ever saw. Knott. Why, I'm no comedian. Driver. Oh, yes, you are— but you don't know it. (Knott stares at him, and the others titter.) Driver (turning page of manuscript). Oh, yes, here we are. (Reading.) "Gladys Dashleigh." (To Madame.) Your first entrance is in a riding habit. The habit is in- tended to show your figure to every advantage. Knott. I'd call that a rather bad habit. Madame (coldly). I suggest, Mr. Driver, that Mr. Knott be muzzled. . _ Driver. And I suggest that this is getting to be a hne 54 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE morning for a murder. (Referring to manuscript.) "Gladys Dashleigh dashes down the street on her coal black steed — " Madame (interrupting, to Driver). Mr. Driver, I never rode a horse in my life, coal black or any other color. Why can't I dash down the street in my motor car? Driver (testily). Suffering caterpillars! I didn't write this thing. Besides, madam, the horse is supposed to run away and throw you sixteen ways for Sunday. Madame (springing to her feet with a half shriek). What — I? Madame Whereami, the leader of — (localize) social circles, thrown from a horse? Never! Never! I resign from this entertainment on the spot, sir! Driver (soothingly). There, there, madam. You are not actually thrown, you know — merely in the play, that's all. Then you are picked up and carried into the cottage. Madame (still ruffled). I am, am I? Picked up and carried, am I ? And who picks me up and carries me, may I ask? Driver. What difference does it make? You don't know it. Madame. And why don't I know it? Driver. You are unconscious. Madame. Oh, I'm unconscious, am I? I don't know what I am doing when I make my first appearance? Is that it? Driver. You don't know what you're doing most of the time, anyhow. But we'll never get anywhere at this rate. (To Ima.) Miss Goodwin, you haven't much to do in the first act except look pretty. Ima (smilingly). Isn't that splendid! I won't need no make up, then, will I? Driver (dryly). No — nothing except your face. (She exhibits anger at his thrust.) There appears to be a vast amount of ''much ado about nothing" in this so-called play, and the only way I know is for everyone to get off the stage while I try to whip it into shape. You must all do a specialty, to liven up things, and — THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 55 Madame (rising with outraged air). Mr. Driver! You forget yourself! First you. ask me to dash down the street on a horse, be thrown from it, be carried on the stage, and now to cap the awful climax, you intimate that I do a song and dance. Never ! I resign from this entertainment on the spot, sir! Driver {to Madame). Don't get ''up stage" with me. I don't care a rap whether you dO' a song and dance or a bal- loon ascension, but you've got to do something or there ain't a-going to be no show. Now clear the stage — everybody! When I want you, listen for your cue — that's all. I'll see about this next set. Shoo! (Driver shoos them off right as he would a flock of chickens and he follows.) Specialty, by Jane, in funny Spanish costume, "Carmen, She was Absolutely Charmin'." Sing one verse and chorus, then bring on Senoritas and Toreadors and repeat chorus, all doing a Spanish dance and joining in the repeat. Use additional chorus people if desired. All exeunt at finish. After specialty. Driver enters from right and starts for table. A knocking is heard off right. Driver sits at table, starts to read manuscript. Willie enters from right. Willie. There's a couple of dames outside who desire to hold a personal gabfest with your royal highness. Driver (impatiently). Haven't time. Tell 'em I'm — say, what do they look like ? Willie. They look like the deuce, if you're askin' me. Want to see 'em? Driver (wearily). Oh, I suppose so. Show 'em in. Willie (calls off right). Say, you — this way! Mrs. Pest and Camille enter from up right. Willie (pointing at Driver). There's the guy. Help yourself. Mrs. Pest (to Driver). I understand there's an open- ing here for an actress. Driver. Yes, madam. There are several openings. One just behind you. Please don't slam the door as you go out. 56 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE Camille (gushing). Oh, you don't understand, sir. My mother means that I am desirous of going on the stage. Mrs. Pest. Yes, Mr. Driver — you are Mr. Driver, I take it? — ^my daughter has talent, and I am extremely anx- ious to have it developed professionally. I have plenty of money and I will spend it to further her ambition. (Driver whirls about as she mentions money, faints and falls into the arms of Willie. Th'e women stare in amazement.) Willie {to Mrs. Pest). Nov^ youVe done it. Mrs. Pest. Why, what's the trouble with the poor gen- tleman ? Willie. He heard you say "money" and the blow almost killed him. Driver {slowly recovering and half supported by Willie). I suppose it's time to get up, but Fd like to sleep another hour or two. {Yawfts and stretches.) Willie {slapping Driver on back). Come on. Where do you think you are, anyhow ? Driver {now recovered, to Mrs. Pest). Did you just come in, or are you on your way out? Willie {aside to Driver). Nix! She's the lady with money: Driver {excitedly). Money? {To Willie.) Get a seat for the ladies. No get two seats — and a pair of hand- cuffs. (Driver and Willie dash mxidly to the pile of furniture, get a couple of easy chairs, rush dozmi center, dust them off vigorously with their cap and handkerchief, and then bow lozv as the women sit down.) Driver {to Willie). You run along and spin your top. (Willie exits right, looking over his shoulder and grin- ning.) Mrs. Pest. You see, my daughter is crazy to go on the professional stage. Driver. She must be. Mrs. Pest. Sir! THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 57 Driver (quickly). I mean to say she looks the part. (Aside.) Oh, Lord, that's still worse. Mrs. Pest. Oh, I almost forgot to mention my name to you. I am Mrs. Pest, and this, — this is my daughter, Camille. You can judge she has talent by her name. Camille! (Sighs profoundly.) Did you ever see Camille die, Mr. Driver? Driver (seemingly alarmed). No, does she die often? Mrs. Pest. Oh, you misunderstand me. I was refer- ring to Camille in the play of the same name. Driver. Oh, I get you now. You say your daughter has talent. Mrs. Pest. Yes, splendid talent. And I — I have the money. (Toys urith hag.) How m.uch would you charge to place my daughter on the professional stage? Driver (dubiously), I don't know. How much have you got? Mrs. Pest. I brought a thousand dollars with me, and — Driver (interrupting quickly). Strange. Exactly the amount I was about to name. Camille (to Driver). And what is my salary to be, Mr. Driver? Driver (carelessly). Oh, five hundred per. Camille (excitedly). What! Five hundred per week? Driver. No. Five hundred perhaps. Mrs. Pest (to Camille). We will leave the salary to Mr. Driver, dear. Driver. Sure. Leave it to me. (Aside.) You might as well. I'll get it anyway. (Briskly,) Now we'll have to get down to brass tacks, ladies. I have a rehearsal on now and the young lady is just in time to get a part. (Women rise to feet.) Camille (eagerly). And what do I do, Mr. Driver? Driver. What is the best thing you do besides eat? Camille. I sing and recite. Driver. Any other bad habits? Mrs. Pest. Sir! Driver. No harm intended, ma'am. Absent-minded at 58 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE times, you know. {To Camille.) Would you mind recit- ing something? (Camille goes to position dozvn center, zvliile Driver draws chairs left and sits, first hozving Mrs. Pest into a seat beside him.) Camille {recites, in stilted, burlesque manner, with ab- surd gestures). England's sun was slowly setting o'er the hills so far away, Filling all the land with beauty — Willie has entered from the right, carrying hammer, nails and several boards which he thrones on the stage, mak- ing as much noise as possible. Camille stops, turns and glares at him, and she begins again. Camille. England's sun was slowly setting o'er the hills so far away, Filling all the land with beauty — (Willie has started to nail tnx) boards together, and she gradually raises her voice to a shout, in order to be heard.) — At the close of one sad day ; And the last rays kissed the forehead of a son and maiden fair, He with steps so slow and weakened, she with sunny floating hair ; He with sad, bowed head and thoughtful, she with — (Willie continues to hammer, and in despair she gives up and looks tozt^ard Driver. Willie at this moment stops hammering and, ignoring her presence, surveys his work critically.) Camille {to Driver). Mr. Driver, you said I could re- cite. Driver (grinning). No, I didn't. You said you could. I had my doubts all along. THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 59 Mrs. Pest {to Driver). She is referring to that awful man and his hammering. - (Willie zMstles a cheerful tune.) Perhaps you'd Hke to hear her sing. I sent her clear to Paris to study. (Willie exits, right.) Driver. You should have sent her further than that, madam. Mrs. Pest. Where to? Driver. I refuse to answer. Specialty by Camille, ''The Sunbeam and the Moon- beam.'' Male, female or mixed chorus m^y be introduced to sing the chorus repeat, or a quartette may be used. She sings it straight, not for comedy. Be sure to have at least four voices to harmonize the chorus repeat. Mrs. Pest and Driver exeunt as she starts the song. After song, Camille and Chorus exeunt. {Note : For the follounng scene, if Knott and Ima can- not sing the duet, any other couple from the cast or chorus may have these lines and this specialty assigned to them instead. ) Ima enters left with Knott ivalking after her quickly. Ima {bashfully) . Oh, Mr. Knott, you shouldn't do that. Knott. Why not? Ima. Somebody might be looking. Knott. .All right; I won't. {He tries to kiss her. She dodges. ) Ima. What first gave you the idea that you'd like to sit opposite me at the breakfast table and watch me pour your coffee ? Knott. I don't know what gave me the idea. But I have it, and I can't get rid of it. Ima. But this is so sudden ! And what will all the other girls say? Knott. It makes no difference to me what they say. I don't care what happens, just as long as I have you. Duet by Knott and Ima, ''As Long As I Have You" 60 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE each singing alternate lines of the verse, and the chorus in harmony, as follows : Knott. I always wanted to be all alone. I MA. But that was before I met you. Knott. I valued nobody's thoughts but my own. Ima. But that was before I met you. Knott. You changed my whole life, so it seems, Ima. Realities fade into dreams. Both {harmonize). Let the sweet perfume of each rose in bloom Fade away with the morning dew. Let the silv'ry moon of each night in June Shine no more up in heaven's blue. Take the golden glow from the scenes we know, Take the rainbows and air-castles, too. Knott. Let them all disappear, I'm contented right here, Both. Just as long as I have you. (// second verse is used, Knott sings first and second lines, Ima sings third and fourth, and Knott fifth and sixth, repeating the chorus in harmony as before. At conclusion of specialty, both exeunt.) After specialty, Hiram enters timidly from up right. He looks around cautiously as he enters, and appears timid and uncertain. Then he sees something off left that appears to attract his attention and he stands still, looking intently off left, takes off his hat, wipes off the band with his bandana handkerchief and grins. Willie enters down right, carry- THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 61 ing a step-ladder on his shoulder, and whistling. He 'nearly bumps Hiram zidth the ladder. Willie (shouts). Hey! ^ , , -. u Hiram (startled, whirls around). Gosh durn it, why don't you blow y'r horn ? ... Willie. Well, look what the cat drug ni ! Hiram. Hey, young feller, be this the opry house? Willie. What do you think it is, a livery stable? Hiram. Be this the place where they're fixm' to put on 3. concert Willie. I guess you're in the right stall. Where did you blow in from ? , • r Hiram. Me and mv boy Hank drove clean m from Dingville (or mention nearby rural tozvn) to see the sights and I wanted to find out whether it was a good, moral dram- mer for mv boy to see. This here, ain't no burleycue, is it ^ Willie.' Burleycue? This? Not on y'r life! Hiram (disappointed). I was afraid not. Durn mv luck, anyhow! Well, I'll have to git tickets f'r me an Hank, I reckon. Driver enters briskly from the left. Driver. Well, well! What's this? (Looks at nmAU.) It's against the rules to admit strangers on the stage of this theater. . . , Hiram. Gosh all hemlock, mister ! I am t aimm to— Penn enters excitedly from the right. Willie exits left. Penx. Mr. Driver! You are ruining my play! This thing has gone far enough. Driver. It's gone too far. (Calls sharply.) "Props! Oh, Props! ^ , T '. Penn (pleading). Mr. Driver, please dont. i cant stand it much longer. Getting thrown down stairs every few minutes is terribly wearing on the nerves— to say noth- ing of the clothes. Look! Look at my coat ! (Turns back and exhibits his coat, split from tail to collar.) Hiram. Say, Mister, I don't know who you be, but— 62 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE Driver. Shut up, both of you! {To Penn.) If I choose to have you thrown down stairs, that's my privilege. {Sits at table.) I've got to have some pleasure in my life. Penn. I refuse to permit that horrid property man to take further liberties with me. That's final, sir! Driver. Every time I have you thrown down stairs it takes the property man away from his job. Be a good fellow and throw^ yourself out. What ? Penn {astonished). I? Throw myself down stairs? {Meanwhile Hiram is listening, open-mouthed, in per- plexity, scratching his head, etc.) Driver. Sure. Grab yourself and run. When you reach the top of the stairs, give a quick shove. Suppose you make this friend here {indicating Hiram) your travel- ing companion. Penn. Splendid. I'll do it! {Grabs Hiram and runs him off, up right.) Driver {calls after them). Let me know how you enjoy your trip. {Noise of body falling on stairs, followed shortly by the sound of a second falling, and a loud crash.) Mrs. Sippy enters excitedly from left. Mrs. S. F'r the love of St. Patrick, is it a murder they're afther committin'? What's all the shootin' fur? Driver {laughs). Nothing like that, Mrs. Sippy. Just another little interruption. There will be no more. Mrs. S. You said a mouthful, as the sayin' is. It's time I was home cookin' me corned beef and cabbage, and I got this theaytre stage to mop up yit. Take y'r gang an' git along home wid yez, befoor I mop yez up wid the rest of the trash ! Driver {consulting zmtch). Great snakes! Our time is up. {Rises.) Just two minutes more, Mrs. Sippy, and we'll try the finale. (Claps his hands to attract attention, and shouts.) Places, everybody! Come on Tottie, are you ready ? Everybody in your places for the finale ! THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 63 Penn enters from up left. He is worse for wear than ever. Mrs. Sippy exits up left for her pail and brush. Penn. Mr. Driver. Driver. What? Are you back again? Penn. Fve been thrown out of here several times. Driver. You have. Penn {struck with sudden thought). I have it! By George, I have it ! Driver. I know it. And you'll get in again in a minute. Penn. Strange it never occurred to me before. {Im- pressively.) The reason you have thrown me out is this: You didn't want me here. {Dodges and runs out, up right, as Driver throws manuscript at him.) Driver (shouts). The finale. Let'^s go! {Exits left.) Song by Tottie, "Steppin' Around," with entire cast and chorus. She sings first verse and chorus, and entire com- pany repeats chorus as many times as desired. Curtain. Part Two. PERILS OF A GREAT CITY. Scene: A city street, if available, ''in one" {narrow stage); otherwise, any drop curtain. Hank enters from the right, followed by Hiram. Hiram is upbraiding Hank, and starts talking just before 'they enter. Hiram. Dog-gone ! The next time I bring you to teown you're goin' to stay to hum! I'll be cow-kicked ef I'm goin' to hunt all over teown for you all the time I Hank {meekly). Listen, paw, I — Hiram. Listen, nothin' ! You've always got some kind of a aylibi. Why in tarnation didn't you wait on thet corner like I told you to? Hey? Jest becuz I give you fif- teen cents to spend as you durn pleased ain't no reason to go 64 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE gallivantin' around the hull teown. You're goin' to fool around till you git the hull family name in disgrace, durn ye ! Where was ye? (Hank hangs head and does not answer.) Ashamed to tell, ain't ye? I don't blame ye ; I'd be ashamed, too, ef I was you. Tell me where you was or I'll skin you alive ! Hank {drawing half circles with foot on floor). A durned pretty gal winked at me. Hiram. I thought so, by huckleberry! Ain't you been readin' in the Weekly Breeze every Saturday 'bout how these here city gals is takin' in the unwary male sex? So she winked at ye, did she? What follered? Hank. I did. Hiram. Was she purty? Hank {enthusiastically). I'll say she was! Hiram. You ain't got sense enough to know thet these city gals buy their purtiness at the drug store. How fer did you f oiler her? Hank. I follered her a block. Then she stopped and says to me, ''How much money you got?" I showed her the fifteen cents. She says ef I'd give her the fifteen cents I could foller her another block. Hiram. Well? Hank. So I gives her the fifteen cents and she got on a street car. Kin I have a quarter, paw? Hiram. I reckon them gals will let you foller 'em two blocks for a quarter, eh? You ain't goin' to git no more money outen me. I ain't aimin' to git our name in the Ding- ville Dispatch tellin' how we got took in by these vampires like we see in the movin' pitchers. I went over an' bought thet alarm clock what I needed. {Pulls alarm clock from pocket.) Hank. Don't do like you done with the other one you had, paw. Hiram. What'd I do? Hank. Yeah, what'd you do? You wound thet other alarm clock up every night for nigh on to nine years and then found out it was a eight-day clock. THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 65 Hiram. You shet your mouth. {Looks at clock.) What time is it? Hank. I don't know. Hiram. Gosh, ain't ye got a watch ? Hank. I ain't got none no more. Hiram {looks at him sharply). You ain't got your watch? You brung it with ye, didn't ye? Hank. Yes, but I wasn't a-countin' on sayin' nothin' about it till it was all settled. Then I was goin' to surprise you and maw. Hiram. What in Jehoshaphat aire ye talkin' about, any- way ? What ye done with your watch ? Hank. A swell-lookin' feller come up to me after that gal got on the street car, an' said as how he wanted to sell the Court House pretty bad, an' asked me how much money I had, an' I told him I didn't have any a-tall. Then he started to go 'way, an' I figured maybe I was losin' some- thing pretty good, so I showed him my watch, an' he said he would take thet instead. So I traded him the watch for the Court House. {Proudly.) I guess I ain't a shcker, eh? Hiram {dubiously). W^all, I don't faiow. Did ye git any papers or receipt or anything ? Hank. Oh, he was honest, all right. He said he was the mayor. I jest give him the watch, an' he said I could have the Court House any time I wanted it. Then a policeman come our way, an' the mayor said as how he wanted to play a joke on the policeman, so he run. Hiram {angrily). Wall, ef you ain't the goshdumedest dumbest critter in the States. And you didn't git a re- ceipt ? Hank. No. Hiram. Ef ye didn't git a receipt how in tarnation you goin' to prove the Court House is yourn when ye go after it? But you'll learn some of these days, you'll learn. {Swells up.) Look at your paw. Hank, an' you kin see they don't fool him. No, sir, by cricky ! Jest a leetle while ago I bought the Pust Office down there for thirty dollars. 66 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE but I was wise enough to git a receipt. (Gets receipt from pocket and reads.) ''Received of Hiram Tubbins, thirty dollars for Pust Office. Signed, The Postmaster." Thet's business, my boy. Always demand the legal dockiments. (Puts paper back hi pocket.) Hank. What ye gt)in' to do with the Pust Office, now it belongs to you ? Hiram. I ain't give it much thought yet, but it would make a dandy cow-barn. Hank. Paw, ain't you goin' to give me a quarter? HiKAM. Jest as sure as I'd give ye a quarter you'll be flippin' around with some of them actresses and raisin' cain. It's bad enough for you to be a seater-setter down hum in the op'ry house, let alone here in the city. What'll ye do with a quarter ef I do give it to you? Hank. I want to buy somethin' for Emily. Hiram. Gosh all fishhooks, can't ye find another gal 'cept Emily? She's the homeliest gal in Dingville. (Pause.) The other four ain't so bad lookin'. Hank. You know what ye always said, paw, about beauty bein' only skin deep. Hiram. Yeah, but thet Emily of yourn needs a good skinnin'. Why don't ye git in with thet Haskin gal ? She's pert-lookin'. Hank. I ast her to marry me once, and she said as how she wasn't never goin' to git married. Hiram. Heck! You can't tell nothin' by thet. Thet's what they all say, but they're still sellin' baby clothes and safety pins. But ef ye did marry her you'd be cheatin' her outen a good husband, maybe. You don't amount to nothin'. You ain't wuth the powder to blow ye up. Hank. Folks always said as how I took after you, paw. Hiram. Don't ye dare git pussonal, young man ! And remember what I said about stayin' away from them chorus gals. Hank. Oh, paw, they ain't as bad as they're painted. Hiram. Them gals ain't got no shame whatsomever, the way they dresses. THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 67 Hank. How do you know how they dresses, paw? Hiram. Wall, I — none of your business! Hank. Gee, paw, I'm hungry. Hiram. Hungry? I'm ashamed to take you to a rest- rant. Look what ye done when we had dinner at (local hotel) today. The way you et thet pie, it looked as though you never did have any bringin' up. Ye ain't supposed to cut your pie with a fork when ye got a knife right handy. Hank. I seed you didn't use a knife or fork either. The way you held thet pie was how ye come to git them raspberries all over your ears. And didn't I tell ye once what it said in the Weekly Breeze about not drinkin' your coffee outen your saucer? Hiram. How do ye expect to drink it then ef ye don't pour it outen the saucer? Hank. Wall, gosh, can't ye drink it outen your cup? Hiram. Yes, drink it outen my cup, and git the spoon in my eye? Not much. Hank. And then when the waiter man give ye the napkin, you said you didn't need it 'cause ye had a hand- kerchief of your own. Hiram. Well, dog-gone it, I didn't know it was a nap- kin. Hank. Course it was, and you was supposed to put it around your neck like I did. You may know a lot, paw, but ye ain't got no table etiquette. Hiram {looking off right). Thet dum blanket's oiTen Nell again. I'm goin' over and cover her up. (Exits right. ) Hank (to audience). Paw is durned old fashioned. I hafta laugh. He gits jealous when he sees how wise I be in the ways of the world. I'm a gosh-durn slicker, an' no mistake. (Song by Hank, "Oshkosh, E'Cosh!") After the song, Hiram re-enters from right. Hiram. What be ye goin' to buy for Emily? 68 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE Hank. I ain't a-goin' to buy her nothin' ef you don't give me a quarter. Hiram {gets coin from pocket and reluctantly hands it to Hank). There ye be. Now don't hint around for no more money for a month. What ye goin' to buy her? A quarter is whole lot to spend on a woman, anyhow. Hank {puts coin in pocket). I never seed a feller as tight as you are, paw. I suppose you'd like to see me marry a gal without any arms, so's I wouldn't have to buy her a weddin' ring. You're so durned close you take long steps to keep from wearin' your shoes out. Hiram. By cracky, it pays to be jest a leetle bit close sometimes. Hank. Sometimes? You're too durned stingy all the time. What'd ye do last summer when I was pickin' our strawberries? Ye made me whistle all the time I was pickin' 'em so's I wouldn't eat any. Hiram. Ef some of the young whippersnaps nowadays was a leetle more stingy they'd be a lot better ofif. Hank. Off where? Remember the time ye lost y'r pocketbook with sixteen dollars in it and Josh Wilson found it? Hiram. Yep, Josh was pretty honest about it. Hank. Yes, and 'stead of you givin' him a reward you charged him interest for the time thet he had it. An' when you're readin' you look over the top of your spectacles so's you won't wear 'em out. Hiram. Aw, shet y'r mouth! Seein' as how ye ain't got no watch you kin hang this on ye. {Hangs alarm clock on Hank.) Go untie Nell and git ready to drive hum. What ye goin' to git Emily ? Hank {starting to exit right). Guess I'll git her a pound of gumdrops. Hiram. Leetle good she'll git outen them. She ain't got no teeth. Hank. Maybe she ain't got no teeth. But I have. {Exits right.) Hiram {calling to Hank). Hank, you go tradin' thet THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE - 69 alarm clock for anything and I'll tan your pesky hide ! {To audience.) Kin ye blame the women f'r gittin' stuck on thet boy? He's good-lookin,' smart, and everything. All the gals to hum is jest crazy about him. He says so him- self. But youth will have its fling, and a stitch in time is wuth two in the bush, as they say. Hank says as how there ain't no chance f'r a young feller with ambitions to git any place in Dingville, but as sure as shootin' ef he comes to teown he'll git the swell-head jest like all the rest of 'em. When Ted Slater lived in Dingville he wore a seven and one-half hat and number ten shoes. Then he got in the legislature, and now he wears number seven and one-half shoes and a number ten hat. Hank enters right. Hank. Say, paw? Hiram. Well, son? Hank. A feller down here wants to know will we trade Nell and the buggy for {local railroad) station? (Hank turns and runs quickly off right, zmth Hiram after him in angry pursuit.) The drop Curtain Rises for Part Three. THE FOOTLIGHT CABARET. Curtain which served as hack drop for Part Two rises and reveals a palace interior or roof garden setting, with rozvs of small tables across the hack and down the sides, leaz'ing the center of the stage clear. The arrangement of tables is as in the diagram, but more may he added accord- ing to the size of the chorus. Lights up full throughout. Susan is at table A; Flora at table D ; male quartet, if used, at table C ; at table B there may be four chorus ladies to balance table C, or some comic characters may be seated here. At the rest of the tables the chorus are distributed 70 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE in couples. There may be two couples at each table, or if the tables are small, single couples. Before the curtain rises, the orchestra plays the chorus of ''Swance River Blues," fast and snappy, once through. The curtain rises exactly at the finish of the music, so that SusAN^s first speech zvitl come immediately after it stops. All people on the stage should be animated and happy, ex- cept Susan, who is annoyed. Speedy is zi^alking back and forth near the rear tables, after the manner of the obsequi- ous restaurant proprietor. Susan (pounding her fist hard on the table, just as the music stops). Waiter! Waiter! Where is that pesky black rascal, anyway? Speedy {hurrying to her table). Yes, madam. The waiter will be here presently. Susan {with a snort). Presently! I gave my order half an hour ago, and here I've been sitting like a bump on a log, ever since. It's a pity a body can't get a snack of lunch in one of these new-fangled cabarrf places without wastin' half a day! Speedy. Yes, madam. Very sorry, madam. And which one is your waiter? Susan. How should I know ? I ain't been introduced to him. George enters from right, crosses back of rear tables, comes doum bctzifcen them at center and crosses to table D. He has a bottle of ginger ale and a glass on a tray. Serves it to Flora. The dialogue continues during this business. Speedy. Very sorry, madam. I — Susan {seeing George, and pointing). There he is, now. I have been waiting longer than that flip young thing over there, and — Speedy {politely). Just a moment, madam. {Crosses to center and meets George, as latter comes from table D.) See here, George. George. Yassuh, boss. THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE , 71 Speedy. The guests are complaining of poor service. George. Yassuh. And the waiters is complainin' of poor tips. You ain't going to fire me, is you? Speedy. Of course not. Vm your friend. When you came here penniless who stood by you? I did. George. Yassuh. And last night when I lost my watch, who stood by me ? You did. Speedy. Do you mean to say I stole your watch ? George. I ain't sayin' nothin'. But if you hadn't stood by me, I might have it yet. Speedy. How much was the old watch worth, anyway ? George. Don't know. How much did the pawnbroker give you ? Speedy. Now, get this, once for all. I didn't take your watch. I haven't time to think about your watch. I have troubles of my own. That new cabaret performer hasn't arrived. (Sudden thought.) I have it! W^e'll put you on the program. \\{\\ you sing a song for these people? George. If I do, will you give me back my watch? Speedy. Didn't I tell you I haven't got your watch? George. Well, I'll call it square if you'll give me the ticket. Speedy (announcing). Ladies and gentlemen, we will start our cabaret program with "The Swanee River Blues." Song by George, ''Szmnee River Blues." Speedy retires up stage. George sings one verse and chorus, all joining in second chorus. For encore, chorus only. George exits, down right, at finish. All applaud. After specialty. Hank enters from up left, crosses back of rear tables, comes dozvn betza^een them at center, and looks around as if fearful of being followed. Hank (to audience). By cracky, that's the time I give the old man the slip. He says as how these here wild car- buretters ain't no fit places for a young boy. Reckon as how I'll have to set down an' order up a glass o' sody pop. (Starts to go right, and Susan smiles coyly to him. He turns azmy.) Gosh, if that's one o' the vampires paw's been 72 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE warnin' me about, he's wastin' his breath. (Starts left and sees Flora.) Jumpin' grass-hoppers, ain't she a pippin! Wonder where I'll set. Wish I dast to go and set down by her. {Approaches table D sheepishly.) Shall I ? (Pause.) Do I dast? (Takes coin out of pocket and flips it.) Heads I flirt with her, tails I go back to paw. (Looks to see which it is.) Heads. Paw, you kin wait a spell. Now I'm goin' to be a reg'lar cut-up. (Walks up to table D with absurd recklessness. Then gets scared and can't speak for a mo- ment. Finally he gets courage.) Hello, kid. (She looks up and gives him an icy stare, and he backs away.) Excuse me, miss, I mean, howdy do? Flora (rising). Sir! Are you trying to flirt with me? Hank. No ma'am. I was just goin' to ask you if you'd have a glass of sody pop? Flora (becoming friendly). Oh, that's different. (She sits dozvn, smiles at Jiim, and he bashfully sits at the table zmth her.) Hank. Gee, if paw could see me now! He give me a quarter to spend, and if they's any left over when you get all the sody pop you want, I'll let the waiter keep the change. Us boys from Dingville is high flyers when we git started ! Speedy enters from up right, and conies betzijeen center rear tables. Speedy (announcing). Ladies and gentlemen, I take pleasure in announcing that we have with us tonight Pan Toy, the famous Chinese Nightingale. She will sing the "Chinese Love Song." (Steps back.) Pan Toy enters from dozmi right and takes center. Song bv Pax Toy, ''Chinese Love Song." After song, she exits dozmi right. All applaud. (Hank pounds call bell on table.) Henry enters from up left, crosses back of tables, comes dozvn between them at center and crosses to table D. Fol- lowing him comes George zurith a tray containing a glass and THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE . 7Z a bottle of ginger ale. He serves it at table A and exits up right during the next dialogue. Henry. Did you ring sir? Hank. No, the bell did. What you got? Henry. Well, suh, we has a large assortment of — Hank (interrupting). Got any boiled watermelons? Henry. No, suh. Hank. Nightingale's tongues? Henry. No, suh. Hank. Stewed cucumbers on the half shell? Henry. No, suh. Hank. Well, bring us a couple bottles o' sody pop. (Henry starts to go. Hank calls him back.) Hey, waiter! (Henry returns.) How about a little hard cider? Henry. No, suh ! We is strictly temperance, we is. Hank (nnnks slily). Aw, fetch some in a tea pot. No- body won't git wise. Henry. Sorry, suh. It can't be did. Hank. Gol ding it, somebody told me a feller could git a nip in this here place. Henry. Somebody done tol' you dat? Hank. Yes, sir, that's what somebody told me. Henry. W'ell, suh, it looks to me like somebody lied. Song by Henry, ''Somebody Lied," one verse and chorus, after which all repeat last tzvo lines only of chorus, in faster tempo. For encore, second verse and chorus, nnth tzvo-line repeat as before. Exits right, after song. After specialty, Hiram enters from up left, comes through betiveen center rear tables and meets Speedy, who has remmned on stage but in background since his last an- nouncement.' Hiram. Say, be you the head waiter of this here cafe- teria ? Hexry enters up right at this point, 7i'ith tzco bottles of 74 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE pop and fzv'o glasses, liihich he seri'es at table D during the next dialogue. Speedy. Sir, this is a high class cabaret. Hiram. Don't give a cuss what ye call the gal-bing place. I'm lookin' fur my boy, Hank. I warned him to keep away from these high-flyin' places. If I ketch him around here I'll tan the hide off him ! Ain't no place for the son of a deacon of the Dingville church. (Hank^ upon hearing Hiram speak, is alarmed, and in pantomine induces Flora to change seats with him, so he can hide behind her. From here to the finish he is fearful that his dad zm'll see him and he slinks down in his chair, gets behind Flora, hunches his shoulders, etc.) Speedy (replying to Hiram). I don't believe I've seen your son, sir. Hiram. It's a durn good thing ye hain't. (Starts out, then turns.) Ye sure ye ain't seen him? Speedy. Quite certain, sir. Hiram (coming center). Then I'll stay awhile. Will ye introduce me to one of these here flappers I've been reading about in the Sunday papers ? (During the next dialogue, Speedy takes Hiram to table A oiid introduces him to Susan in pantomime. Hiram sits at table zuith Susan and they converse in pantomime. Su- san acts coy and girlish, and Hiram tries to be very dash- ing. Speedy exits right.) George has entered up right zmth tray of bottles and glasses, w^hich he is serznng at rear tables. Henry, having served table D, crosses up to George and they meet at cen- ter, in front of rear tables. During their next dialogue they come dozmi center. George. Say, black boy, I has a matter of significance to discuss. Henry. Ink bottle, don't tantalize me. Dis is my busy day. THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 75 George. When I was comin' here on my way to work, I seen a handsome, swell, lovely-dressed yaller gal, an' she axed me 'bout you. Henry (szvelling zuith pride). She did, eh? What did she say? George. She axed me when was you goin' to git out of jail. Henry (worried). Nix on dat jail stuff. What did you told her? George. I told her your time was up, and you was out. Henry. - And what did she say? George. She says den will you please come around and pay yo' board bill. Henry. Don't disgust dese unpleasant topics until we is got more privacy. George. She says de bill is been runnin' a long time. Henry. Ain't it tired of runnin' yet? George. See here, nigger, yo' landlady is a friend of mine, and I'm here to tell you you better pay yo' bill. She can't run a boardin' house if nobody don't pay her. Henry. She can't? George. No, sir, she can't. Henry. Den she better sell out to somebody what can. Speedy enters up right and comes doztm hetzveen center rear tables, as before. George and Henry return up stage to serve rear tables. Speedy {announcing). Ladies and gentlemen, we have prepared a little surprise party for our guests. I take great pleasure in announcing that we have with us this evening no less a personage than the famous Broadway star. Miss Flora Flapper {pointing to Flora). Hank. An actorine, by heck ! Speedy. Miss Flapper will contribute to our entertain- ment by singing "My Mammy's Twilight Lullaby." (Flora leaves table and goes center, zvhile Hank_, realty- 76 THE FOOTLIGHT REVU'E iiig that their table is the center of interest, and fearing dis- covery, dives under the table.) Song by Flora, "My Mammy's Twilight Lullaby ," one verse and chorus. If quartette is present, the four men rise from^ table C as Flora is finishing chorus, and join her in repeating the chorus. Then all join in repeating the chorus. George and Henry enter up right, doing a cake-walk or ''strut'' step. George comes domn extreme left, and Henry dozim extreme right, joining in singing until curtain. When all are singing, about half way through the chorus, they rise from their tables, one couple at a time, and start dancing around the stage, continuing to sing. Hiram, in pantomime, invites Susan to dance and they do an absurd travesty of ballroom dancing across the front of the stage. Hank is still kneeling under table D, imth his head poked out from right end of table, under the tablecloth. Flora beckons him to dance with her. He is overcome with embarrassment but finally yields and crawls out from under the table and they start dancing zvith the others. For all this business the chorus may be repeated as many times as desired. Flora and Hank, Susan and Hiram keep dozmi stage, as they are the center of interest. As the tzvo couples are passing, Hiram and Hank collide. They turn and look at each other, Hiram sees Hank, they both aban- don their partners and Hank runs up center and off left, zvith Hiram in full pursuit, zvhile the others keep singing and dancing to — Quick Curtain. Part Four. • TURNING ON THE GAS. The orchestra continues playing after a drop curtain "in one" closes in on the cabaret scene. Any drop curtain may be used, as the scene is immaterial, but the street drop used THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE - n for Part Tzi^o should not he used again if another is avail- able. A plush curtain is always effective for a monologue. George enters, the music stops, and he delivers the follow- ing monologue : Hello, audience. I'm glad to see dat so many of you are keepin' awake. I wouldn't have come out here and interrupted dis nice music, but I saw dat the cornet player was all out of breath. While de scenery is being changed for de next act, I will herewith proceed to monologue myself black in the face. You know, my father didn't want me to become a actor. He said they sometimes threw eggs at actors. I never will forget the first time I was hit by a cowardly egg. You know what a cowardly egg is. A cowardly egg is one that hits you and then runs. My father didn't want me to go on the stage. He was most bitterly opposed to it. But I told him I would be a actor, and nothin' but a actor. My father came to one of the rehearsals, and afterwards I asked him was he still opposed to my bein' a actor. He said he wasn't, 'cause I wasn't no actor, and from what he saw I never would be. He certainly is a most peculiar man. He used to hang up his stockin' every Christmas Eve. But he says he's through. Last Christmas Eve he hung it up as usual. And de Board of Health made him take it down. Last summer father went to (nearby summer resort) for a change and rest. The hotel got his change, and the waiters got the rest. Father always was a great man to go out and borrow money. He'd go out and borrow money from somebody whether he needed it or not. I remember one dark night — father would always go out on dark nights — and he asked a man to lend him some money. But the man refused. Three times my father 78 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE asked the man to loan him money, and each time the man refused. So finally my father had to knock the man down and take it away from him. Then I remember another night, after we had all gone to bed, we heard somebody movin' around downstairs. Father told me to get up and go downstairs and find the burglar. I said I wouldn't. I hadn't lost no burglar. Finally father got up, jumped out of a second-story win- dow, run two miles to the police station, and told the cap- tain of police that there was thieves in our house. The police captain says, "Go on back home. I've known that for two years." Another peculiar thing about father was his head. Folks used to ask him about his bald head. Father didn't have a hair on his head, and folks would ask him if it didn't bother him, and if he didn't catch cold in the winter time. Father said he didn't mind that so much. His main bother was when he was washing himself. Unless he kept his hat on, he didn't know where his face stopped. You know, they say a woman's hair lasts longer than a man's. Well, it ought to. A man wears his all the time. I see the orchestra leader holding a stop watch on me, so I'll ask him to put his gang to work, while I render the latest sentimental ballad, *'No Matter How Hungry the Old Hoss Got, He Couldn't Eat a Bit." Song by George, '7/ / Was What I Ain't Instead of What I Is/' and exit. The Curtain Rises For — Part Five. THE HAUNTED MUMMY. Scene: Room in an Egyptian palace, full stage. If oriental scenery is not available, a drapery setting mny he used, or palace setting unth richly colored hangings, rugs. THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 79 cushions, etc. There should be a center door or archway, and entrances right and left.- The throne^ to he carried on may he a large chair, covered imth draperies or scarfs. The mummy case to be brought in can be roughly made of wood, and painted in Egyptian style; for design consult public or school library. It should have hinged or removable lid. Up left stands a large cabinet phonograph, with a ''health rec- ord" for reducing exercise, obtainable at any phonograpii shop. Lights : Up full at rise. At rise, the phonograph is playing, and the Wives are on the floor, going through the reducing exercise. This is con- tinued just long enough to get a good laugh. Th-en — El Goofus enters majestically, from the right, with arms folded. El Goofus. What's this? What's this? {Shuts off phonograph.) By the beard of the prophet, siich unseemly levity is past all understanding! Have you no sorrow in your hearts at the death of your late lord and master, the mighty Shriek? (Wives all scramble to their feet.) 1st Wife. Shall we not continue our daily exercises, O El Goofus, that we may retain our beauty to delight the eye of him who will take our late husband's place ? El Goofus. So ! You are already thinking of your new husband ! 2nd Wife. W^ell, we never did think much of our old one. 3rd Wife. What's the use of thinking of the old one now? He's a total loss. 4th Wife. Say, Goofie, how soon do you think we'll get a new husband ? El Goofus. You know the custom of the country. Your fate is in the hands of the great prophet. For it is written in the sacred book of the Bazazz that the first stranger who sets his foot inside the great palace, after the death of 80 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE the Shriek, becomes the ruler of the land and the master of the royal harem. 1st Wife. Oh, ain't that lovely! El Goofus. See that your conduct is seemly and proper, as befits your station. One never knows when your new husband will surprise you. (Going right.) One never knows. {Exits pompously, right.) 2nd Wife. It was that way with our old husband. One never knew. 3rd Wife (zvko has been looking out center door, off left, turns to others). Oh, girls! What do you think? I see a crowd of strangers coming this way. 4th Wife {looking). They look like American tourists. 2nd Wife {enthusiasticcUly) . Perhaps our future hus- band is among them. 1st Wife {thrilled). Oh, ain't that lovely! 2nd Wife. He mustn't see us like this. 3rd Wife. We're perfect frights! 4th Wife. Who has my curling iron ? {During the last three speeches, to which others of similar vein may be added if desired, the Wives hurry pell-mell from the stage and exeunt right in disorder.) After a very brief pause, Jakie peers cautiously around center door from left, then steps in and looks about; goes back to door and zmves his hand energetically toward left. Jakie {yells) ^ Come on, Jack. It's all right. It ain't no- body home but de audience, and I guess they're unconscious. Jack enters center door from left. Jack. Nobody home. {Dramatically.) Curse the luck! I thought we might find someone to help us. Jakie. If they'd take us down cellar it would help a lot. Jack {slapping his clothes). I'm awfully dusty. Jakie (taking corkscreiv from pocket). So am I — ■ awfully thirsty. Jack. I said dusty, not thirsty. THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 81 Jakie. Vot are you talking about? I say to-day is Thursday. Jack. Oh, Thursday. I thought you said thirsty. Jakie. And it's a funny t'ing. I vas thirsty Vednesday, and I'll be thirsty Friday. Jack. I always knew you were foolish. Jakie. Not foolish ; yiddish. Jack. We're wasting time. I won't rest until I find Rose — ^the only girl I ever really loved. I know she is traveling somewhere in Egypt. I came all the way from America to find her. I've ffot to find her ! Jakie. Vhy don't you put a vant ad in de — (local news- paper) ? Jack. Bah ! (Starts left.) I'm going to join the others. Perhaps they have found out something. (Exits center daor, to left.) Jakie is looking around curiously, and starts to exit down right, zvhen he is confronted by El Goofus, who enters down right. El Goofus. Aha! At last you have come. (Bows deeply.) Jakie. Aha ! In a minute I vill have came and also vent. (Starts to go.) El Goofus (grabbing Jakie). Not so fast! (Bows again and cries out in droning yell'.) Bismillah ! Bismillah! Praise be to Allah ! Jakie (imitating his voice and gesture). Oi, oi, oil Gefiltefish! Gefiltefish ! (To El Goofus.) Now you got me doing it. El Goofus (bowing again.y O worshipful commander, be not displeased. Jakie. Vot's dis? A foolish factory? I ask you. El Goofus. You would not leave the palace without seeing your wives ? Jakie. My vots ? El Goofus. Your wives, O radiant leader of the faith- ful. 82 THE FOOTLIGHT REVU'E Jakie. Such t'ings can't be impossible. El Goofus. Your eight hundred and forty-seven wives all await your coming. Jakie. Veil, let em vait. El Goofus. You do not understand. The Shriek is dead ! Jakie Ain't home brew terrible ? El Goofus. He is dead ! Jakie. Vhy don't you telephone — (name local under- taker) ? El Goofus. His soul awaits the trumpet blast of the angel Asrafil. Jakie (nervously). Oi but you're a cheerful gent. Do people die often around here? El Goofus (solemnly) . Only once. (Jakie starts to go to center door.) Wait! (Jakie stops, scared.) It is the custom of the country that when the Shriek dies, the first stranger to set foot within the royal palace becomes his suc- cessor. I salute you, the new Shriek. (Bows.) Jakie. Oi, now I got to shriek! El Goofus (bozi's). Illustrious master, your eight hun- dred and forty-seven wives await an audience with their august husband. Will you come with me to the royal ward- robe and attire yourself for the ceremony? Jakie (suspiciously). Vhere is dese eight hundred and forty-seven crazy vimmens? El Goofus (points right). In that direction is the royal harem. (Jakie starts right.) But not without warning, most illustrious master. You do not want to frighten the harem ? Jakie. Oi, I should be a harum-scarum. (Follows El Goofus, and they exeunt down left.) Rose and Pansy enter together through center door from back left, and look about curiously. Rose. That's funny. No one around. Pansy. Anyway, I'm glad we got inside. There's a storm coming. THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 83 Rose. Well, let it come. Pansy. I was going to. Rose. This is the palace of the' Shriek, I believe. Pansy. Shriek? I haven't even heard a whisper. Rose. I must find some word of Jack. I know he is somewhere in Egypt. (Sadly.) Pansy, my heart is break- ing. We quarreled, and it is all my fault. Oh, I am so lonely ! Pansy. Cheer up, kid. There's more fresh fish in the sea than there are in the sink. Rose (tearfully). How can you be so flippant? There's no one in the world like my Jack. Pansy. Gee, you're old fashioned. What did you come to Egypt for ? There's plenty of Americans back home. As for me, I'm going to grab a king or some kind of a foreign title. Rose. They don't have kings in Egypt. Pansy. Don't they ? Rose. Of course not. Pansy. Well, anyway, I'm going to draw for the highest card in the deck. Love is like a game of cards, anyway. Rose. How do you make that out? Pansy. A good deal depends on a good deal. Think it over. Jack enters center from back left, and sees Rose. Jack (cries out). Rose! Rose (turns and sees him). Jack! (They embrace.) Pansy (pulling herself forzmrd by the skirt). This way out, Pansy, this way out. (Exits center door and left.) Jack. Where have you been hiding all this time? Rose. Did you really miss me? You have so many sweethearts. Jack. All the others are like weeds by the roadside, compared to my Old Fashioned Rose. Duet bv Jack and Rose, ''Old Fashioned Rose.'' They sing alternate lines, revising ''you'' and "I" zvhere necessary, and sing the chorus in harmony. For encore, chorus only. 84 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE After specialty, Rose exits through center door and Jack is about to follow her when — Bayuda enters from up right, smiles at Jack and he ap- proaches her. She laughs and starts to run azvay, hut he catches her hand. Jack. Wait a minute, sweetheart. Bayuda. Sweetheart? Ya sidi, why do you address such names to me? That American girl who w^as here — you called her sweetheart. Jack. But — hang it all — you don't understand. Bayuda {tauntingly). I'm afraid I don't. (Exits up right.) Jack (alone). I don't see why I'm to blame, if I've had Fifty-seven Varieties of Sweethearts. Song by Jack, 'Tve Had 57 Varieties of Sweethearts,'' one verse and chorus only; no encore. Then he recites: The first of all my sweethearts I'll now bring before your eyes ; I told her that I loved her When we used to make mud pies. He steps to one side of stage and Mud Pie Girl enters from center. She sings one verse and chorus of ''Mud Pie Days,'' and exits. Then Jack recites: The next girl that I loved, I met Among the tall, tall grass ; And so I'll introduce to you That simple country lass. Rube Girl enters center, sings chorus only of "Oshkosh, B' Gosh!" and exits. Then Jack recites: It wasn't long before I met, Where cotton blossoms grow, A maiden of the sunny South ; You'll like her, too, I know. Southern Girl enters center, sings chorus only of "In THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE . 85 the Evening By the Moonlight, Long Ago," md exits. Then Jack recites : And then I sailed acro'ss the seas And found a sweet mamzelle. I thought that she was ires jolie, And you'll think so, as well. French Girl enters center, does a picturesque dance, and exits. {For music, chorus of ''Step pin' Around"' may be used if desired.) Then Jack recites: The next fair charmer that I knew And called my turtle dove I now will bring before your view To sing of Chinese love. Chinese Girl enters center, sings chorus only of ''Chinese Lov-e Song,'' and exits. Then Jack recites: These are a few of all my girls But everybody knows The only girl I really loved Was dear Old Fashioned Rose. Rose enters center, sings chorus only of "Old Fashioned Rose" in Jiarmony with him, and exits. Then Jack re- cites : It's getting late ; there isn t time To introduce the rest; So look them over, one by one, And see which you like best. Tack sings chorus of "S7 Varieties," using second catcl} line. Additional Girls enter through center door, one at a time and he takes the hand of each in turn, going from one to the next as if unable to choose. Use as many extra girls, in varied costumes, as desired, to last just once through chorus. Each girl, when he deserts her for the next, exits right. At finish. Jack exits right, after them. For encore. Jack and all Girls in this number enter from right, in close formation, lockstep fashion, single file, each 86 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE with hands on hips of person in front, and Jack in the middle. Time the cross-oz'er so it unll consume chorus once through. All sing chorus, except third catch line, which Jack sings as solo. Finish all singing, all exeunt left. After specialty, Gazook enters center and El Goofus enters right, with cordial greeting. They embrace, putting their arms around each other and bumping their foreheads together. El Goofus (greeting Gazook). By the beard of the prophet ! My old friend Gazook, the slave trader. You have come at an auspicious moment. We have American visitors. G.\zooK. Americans? 'Tis well. The rich Americans toss their gold to the breezes. I am here to catch it as it falls. For I can sell much else beside slaves. El Goofus {looking off center). Hist! Here comes the rich American now. Gazook (rubbing his hands together). Indeed! Then leave us alone, and we may drive, as the Americans say, a bargain. (They embrace as before, and El Goofus exits down right.) Jack enters center. Gazook (smoothly) . Ah, an American, I believe? Jack. Yes, and I suppose you're a souvenir peddler? Gazook (offended). I? A souvenir peddler? Sir, were that spoken by less than the perfect gentleman that I know you to be, it would be a deadly insult. Jack. Well, this is a deadly cHmate. Gazook. I am not a souvenir peddler, but I am a col- lector of rare and beautiful things ; and I see in you a connoisseur. This is Egypt, the land of mystery, where nothing is impossible. Name what you will, and I can get it for you — at a price. Jack. Oh, you can? Gazook (tvith dignity). I can. THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 87 Jack. All right. I'll call your bluff. I want you to get me a mummy. Gazook. Ya sidi, it shall be clone. (Bozmng.) Jack. Wait a minute. I want a mummy that can be brought to life. Gazook (nonplussed) . A mummy — that can be brought to Hfe? Jack (sm-iling). This is Egypt, the land of mystery — where nothing is impossible. Gazook (desperately, after thinking a moment). It shall be done. (Bozvs and exits center, scratching his head as if trying to figure it out.) El Goofus enters from dozvn right. Jack (to El Goofus). Say, who's the long-whiskered commission merchant? El Goofus. Ya sidi, that is Gazook, the famous slave trader. He brings many beautiful slave girls, the fairest that ever mortal eye gazed upon. (Tom-tom starts beating.) Jack. Hello. What's up now? El Goofus. The new Shriek is about to take upon him- self the robes of state. Let us stand aside. Even now the ceremony is beginning. (Draws Jack left and they stand at left side of stage.) (Music, introduction and verse of ''Cleopatra'' for the follonmg business; repeat verse as often as necessary but do not go into chorus; no singing.) Wives enter from left, single file, in Egyptian pose, left hand held over head with fingers straight back, elbow point- ing forward, and right hand back, pointing diagonally down, palm doztmward. They circle around stage and then range themselves across back and sides, leaving entrances clear. Meanzvhile tzi'o Slaves carry in a throne from left and place it up left, facing diagonally dozam right. When throne is placed and all Wives are on — 88 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE Two Slaves, carrying incense, enter from right, followed bv Jakie, whose costume is a ridiculous burlesque of orien- tal splendor. He zvalks with great pride and dignity. The Slaves escort him to the throne, and All bow low as he sits upon it. Music stops. Jakie (stands). Hail, hail, de gang's all here! I vish s mebody vould tell me vot lodge I'm getting initiated into. Jack (advancing toward him zmth outstretched hand). Well, if it isn't my old friend Jakie. Jakie (draiinng himself up proudly). Vot? You should get familiar with a royal flush ! Jack (disgusted). Bah! (Exits angrily, center and left.) Jakie. Veil, vot 'happens next? El Goofus (bowing). Visitors from far-off lands seek an audience with the illustrious Shriek. Jakie. Veil, fetch 'em in. (Sits.) Music resumes as before. Entering in double file through center door come Rose and Pansy, Rube Girl and Mud Pie Girl, French Girl and Chinese Girl. Southern Girl and another American Girl, follozved by Tourists in couples. The procession circles around the stage and per- formers take places on both sides and across back. Pansy mid Rose up center, but not blocking center door. Stage lights dozrni. Red spotlight on center door. When all are on and in position, tiuo Slaves bring hi mummv case through center door and stand it up center. Gazook enters after them, opens mummy case, makes mystic passes zmth hands, removes m^ummy zurappings and Bayuda, who is in the case, opens her eyes and steps dreamily out of the case, as if cojning from deep sleep. This must be timed so it zfill come at end of verse, so orchestra or piano can go into vamp of song as she emerges. When song is started, Slaves quietly remove mummy case. Song by Bayuda, "Cleopatra." Wives, at sides and back, sit cross-legged zMle she sings THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE ' 89 first verse and chorus, mhile Tourists stand hack of Wives. Choms is repeated by entire company, Wives rising and forming a line from rigJit to left up stage, taking oriental posture as described for their entrance on the cue "the cere- mony is beginning." This single line, in close formation, goes to left as far as possible, then reverses positions of arms, faces about and goes right, reversing direction as often as necessary and coming a bit down stage at each re- versal. All on stage sing during this repeat. At end of repeat, Bayuda and Wives exeunt down right or left. As soon as applause permits, Bayuda and Wives re-enter and Wives repeat the business, but she sings second chorus as solo. If applause demands, repeat second chorus same as first repeat, with all singing, but only Bayuda exits at finish. An oriental dance can be introduced after song, if desired. Wives go to former positions at sides and back. Tourists all applaud. During this stage applause, Gazook enters center, slinkingly. Beckons zvith his arm and two Slaves follow him in. He points to Rose, zvho has not seen him. They throzv a scarf over her head, seize her hands and hustle her out center. This business is unnoticed by the others. Stage lights up. El Goofus. We will now have the slave auction ; the f-a-m-o-u-s slave auction of the east! Jakie. How should ve have a auction, vhen ve ain't got no red flag outside ? El Goofus. The customs are different in this country. • Jakie. Oi, oi ! De costumes is different, I'll tell de vorld ! Gazook (yells through center tozuard off stage). Bring in the slaves ! Jack enters center, excitedly. Jack (to Pansy). Have you seen Rose? She's lost again ! Pansy. Oh, hush your fuss. She's around here some- where. 90 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE Jack (dramatically) . I'm worried, I tell you. Tm wor- ried! (He starts to exit center when — ) Rose, disguised as a slave girl, zmth draperies over her costimve and a veil helozv her eyes, is led in center by two Slaves. Her hands are hound by a big rope. She is di- rected to mount a clmir or small stand, near center, which she does. When Jack sees her he stops and stares as if hypnotized. Additional Slave Girls {members of chorus) can be brought in with her if desired. Jakie (wisely). A-ha! De fifty-eighth variety ! Gazook (standing by Rose). Well, well, folks, here's one of our Egyptian slave girls, and she's on the bargain counter. Step right up and look 'em over — the fairest beauties of the orient. Here's a dandy. Without a mar, mark or blemish, no bad habits, will do the mile in two- twenty, ain't afraid of automobiles, and guaranteed to stand without hitchin'. How much am I offered? (Ragtime dialogue from here to finish. The lines shoidd be given with rhythmic emphasis, and all gestures and motions should he in the same raggy cadence. Keep strictly to the tempo, but make speech and action idtra-dramatic) Jack. I de-clare. She is a peach for fair. Gazook. Take a look at this one, Isn't she a bear? Jack (to Pansy). She's a pretty kid. . Pansy. Half her face is hid. Jack (to Pansy). Sort of looks familiar. Gazook. Well, what will you bid? THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE 91 Pansy. She's trembling with fear. Jack. Isn't she a dear? Gazook. ISFow's your chance to buy yourself A nifty souvenir. • Rose. Oh, dear, dear ! Will no one set me free? Jack. Hark ! That voice ! It's very dear to me. Rose. They have made me Wear these funny clothes, Jack. Can it be? Why you are my own Rose! {Rushes to her and unbinds her.) Gazook. You stand back ! What are you going to do? Jack. Save this girl ! (Escorts her down from pedestal.) Gazook (drawing large knife). I'll cut you right in two ! Jack (stepping betzveen Rose and Gazook, and drannng gun). Is that so? Well now I guess you're cured. Jakie (in range of gun, raises his hands). Hey ! Don't shoot ! My living ain't insured ! 92 THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE Gazook (bitterly). Foiled a-gain ! Who are you, anyway? Jack. Don't you know? Rose. He's the hero of the play. Pansy (to Jack). Well, you've found her. Rose (to Jack). And I've found you. Jakie (raising hands over Rose and Jack) Blessings on you, children ; (To audience.) That's the end of our Revue. Finale by Entire Company. Curtain. MUSIC FOR "THE FOOTLIGHT REVUE" Any or all of the song numbers in "The Footlight Revue" will be mailed postpaid on receipt of the prices quoted, as follows : Vocal Orches- Copy tration Minstrel Opening Chorus and Finale No. 2 $0.75 $1.50 "In the Evening By the Moonlight, Long Ago" 30 .25 "Carmen, She Was Absolutely Charmin' " 30 .25 "As Long As I Have You" 30 .25 "Steppin' Around" 30 .25 "Oshkosh, B'gosh!" 30 .25 "Swanee River Blues" 30 .25 "Chinese Love Song" 30 .25 "Somebody Lied" 30 .25 "Mv Mammy's Twilight Lullaby" 30 .25 "If I Was What I Ain't" 30 .25 "Old Fashioned Rose" 30 .25 "I've Had 57 Varieties of Sweethearts" 30 .25 "Mud Pie Days" 30 .25 "Cleopatra" 30 .25 Complete Score for "Footlight Revue" $4.95 $5.00 Complete vocal score with complete orchestration (when ordered together), special price $8.50 ORCHESTRATIONS A splendid orchestration is available for any or all of the above numbers, providing for eleven instruments, piano and two saxophone obbligatos. Orchestrations do not include words; no sets broken. DIRECTOR'S SCORE FREE Upon receipt of amateur royalty payment of $15.00 for the first performance, a complete vocal-and-piano score, for the use of the director, will be furnished without extra charge. T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 623 S. Wabash Avenue CHICAGO In Hot Tamale Land BY Geoffrey F. Morgan A MUSICAL COMEDY in 2 acts; 10 principals (6 males, 4 females) and a chorus of any size. PRINCIPAL CHARACTERS. Ezra McWhackle An American Pickle King Bobby Hunter Honest, Though Poor Ned and Dick His Two Chums Don Soda Di Poppo Ruler of Hot Tamale Land Punko Doro Agent of Bullfighters' Union Eleanor Ezra's Charming Daughter Agatha Fidget Chaperoning Eleanor Dolores Daughter of the Don Juanita A Shy Seiiorita Senoritas, Toreadors, American Girls and Boys, Amer- ican Bluejackets, Herald, etc. This musical comedy is ideal for college and high school production, having no elaborate stage require- ments, though scenery and costumes may be as lavish as desired, and it can be made a thoroughly preten- tious offering. The scene is laid in an imaginary country in the tropics, where raising pickles is the nation's business and attending bull fights is the nation's pastime. Bobby must earn $10,000' before Eleanor's father will consent to her marrying him. The bullfighters' union calls a strike, and Bobby vol- unteers as a strike breaker. His friends' efforts to bolster his waning courage, the walking delegate's threats of vengeance, Bobby's study of the science hom a bullfighting manual — these are just a few of the ridiculous complications which combine to make IN HOT TAMALE LAND two hours of solid laughter. No music is included with the book, bufthere is pro- vision for introducing solos, ensemble numbers, dances and drills, to be chosen by the director. Has been produced with great success. Requires but one stage setting. Contains detailed directions for staging. Price, 35 Cents. T. S. Deiiison & Company, Publishers 623 South Wabash Avenue CHICAGO A Royal Cut-Up BY Geoffrey F. Morgan A MUSICAL COMEDY in 2 acts; 10 principals (7 males, 3 females) and a chorus of any size. PRINCIPAL CHARACTERS. Hittemup King of Hocus-Po Tutti-Frutti His Chamberlain Jack Hastings A High School Student Tom and Harry His Friends Wallflower A Public Menace Phlox An Escaped Slave Princess Poppy The King's Daughter Rose Her Friend Duchess Bazaza Mistress of Etiquette Students, Flower Fairies, Messengers, Guards, etc. Colleges and high schools wishing to stage "a reg- ular musical show" will find A ROYAL CUT-UP ex- actly suited to their needs. It portrays the adventures of a group of botany students lost in the enchanted land of Hocus-Po, where they meet a jovial king who has been robbed of the royal treasure but still keeps a stiff upper lip. They devise an ingenious ruse where- by the thief betrays himself in ludicrous fashion, the kingdom is saved, and the princess is spared a love- less marriage to find happiness with Jack. The fairy- land setting gives big opportunity for effective cos- tumes, while the staging presents no difficulty. No music is included in the book, but places are indicated for introducing 10 to 20 popular songs, with plenty of drills and dancing. Includes full descriptions of char- acters, costumes and staging, with unusually com- plete directions for conducting rehearsals. Brisk and breezy lines, rich in snappy comedy of dialogue and situation, and allowing for plenty of local quips. Price, 35 Cents. T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 623 South Wabash Avenue CHICAGO Son^ Numbers for Your Show Make a program of live wire hits Complying with a demand for a series of musical numbers whicli are well adapted for interpolation in musical comedies, revues and minstrel shows, the pub- lishers are bringing out the following carefully selected songs, ideally suited to this purpose, for which they were especially written. CARMEN, SHE WAS ABSOLUTELY CHARMIN'. — A novelty comic number with very raggy treatment of characteristic Spanish music. Splendid for ensemble as well as for solo. Price, 30 Cents. CROONIN' NEATH THE COTTON-PICKI N' MOON. — A beautiful southern serenade, rich in mellow chords and close harmons'; excellent for musical comedy or minstrel; includes male quartet arrangement. Price, 30 Cents. HINDU MAN. — A cleverly worded and gorgeously harmonized oriental number that carries the weird spell of mystic India in both lyric and melody. An unrivalled production number. Price, 30 Cents. GOOD NIGHT, DEAR NIGHT.— An out-of-the-or- dinary ballad, characterized as a semi-classic, with piano accompaniment of unusual beauty. Worthy of feature position in any concert. Price, 30 Cents. I AIN'T GOT ENOUGH TO PASS AROUND.— An irresistibly funny coon song, with a blue-y accompani- ment. Every bit as good as "Constantly" and "Some- body Lied," by the same writer. Price, 30 Cents. OSHKOSH, B'GOSH! — A "hey rube" novelty number that is crowded with wit and unexpected twists m the lyric. Characteristic josh music that talves you right back to the farm, by heck! Price, 30 Cents. SOON I'LL BE THE CZAR OF ZANZIBAR.— Dan McGrover was a rover in his motor car. The letter that he wrote to McClusky from far off Zanzibar inti- mated that he was sitting on the world. A speedy number that is good for a hit. Price, 30 Cents. THE SUNBEAM AND THE MOONBEAM. — A rharming ballad with a novel idea charmingly ex- pressed, and a melody with a haunting quality. In- cludes arrangements for male and mixed quartets. Price, 30 Cents. YOUR LITTLE GIRL.— An appealing ballad, har- monized in catchy, syncopated tempo. Excellent solo number, especially for mixed or female minstrels. In- cludes special chorus arrangements for male and mixed quartets. Price, 30 Cents. T. S, Denison & Company, Publishers G23 South Wabash Avenue CHICAGO Popular Stage Offerings IN HOT TAMALE LAND By Geoffrey F. Morgan. Musical comedy in 2 acts; 6 males, 4 female s, and chorus; 2 hou rs. Price, 35 Cents. A ROYAL CUT-UP By Geoffrey F. Morgan. Musical comedy in 2 acts; 7 males, 3 females, and chorus; 2 hours. Price, 35 Cents. THE FUN REVUE By Frederick G. Johnson. Musical comedy in 5 parts; 30 to 100 perso-ns, i n>cl-uding chorus; 2 ho urs. Price, 35 Cents. AS A WOMAN THINKETH By Edith F. A. U. Painton. Comedy in 3 acts; 9 males, 7 females. Time, 2i/^ hours. Price, 35 Cents. AN EARLY BIRD By Walter Ben Hare. Comedy in 3 acts; 7 males, 7 fe- males. Time, 214 hours. Price, 35 Cents. THE EMPTY HOUSE By Lindsey Barbee. Comedy-drama in 3 acts and epi- logue; 6 males, 8 f emales. Time, 2% ho urs. Price, 35 Cents. HER HONOR THE MAYOR By Mary Modena Burns, A. M. Farcical satire in 3 acts; 3 males, 5 females. Time, 2 hours. Price, 35 Cents. MY IRISH ROSE By Waiter Ben Hare. Comedy-drama in 3 acts; 6 males, 6 females. Time, 2V2. hours. Price, 35 Cents. ZARAGUETA, OR MONEY TALKS By Clarence Stratton. Farce-comedy in 2 acts; 7 males, 4 females. Time, ? hours. Price, 35 Cents. MACBETH A LA MODE By Walter Ben Hare, School burletta in 3 ac*s; 7 males, 7 females and erxtras. Time, IV^ hours. Price, 25 Cents. RE-TAMING OF THE SHREW By John W. Postgate. Travesty in 1 act; 6 males, 5 fe- males. Time, 45 minutes. Price, 25 Cents. INDIAN DAYS By Sappington & Vincent. Musical comedy. 5 males, 2 females, and chorus. Time, 1 hour. Price, 50 Cents. SAVAGELAND By Walter Ben Hare. Musical comedy in 2 acts; 5 males, 5 females, and chorus. Time, 2^^ hours. Price, 75 Cents. T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 623 S. Wabash Ave. CHICAGO I— 112:i Denison's Acting Plays Our list comprises hundreds of titles — comedies, dramas, farces, vaudeville sketches, musical comedies and revues, minstrel material, little theatre playlets, etc. All shades of sentiment are rep- resented, and all varieties of talent, number of characters and time required in presentation are provided for in this list. Denison's Acting Plays contain detailed description of stage business, characters, costumes, settings, and full instructions for staging. Popular Entertainment Books In this series are books touching every feature in the entertainment field; Dialogues for all ages, Speakers, Reci- tations, Monologues, Drills, Entertain- ments, suitable for all occasions; hand- books for home, school and church, etc. Over sixty titles, each written by a specialist in his given line. The books are finely made, clear print, good paper, and each has a most attractive, individ- ual cover design. One of the best and most complete entertainment series published. Send for Complete Descriptive Catalogue T. S. Denison & Company, Publisher 623 S. Wabash Ave, CHICAG h243 7B b^ *^. '• \ t ' f .^ />>•' >^ -. i;- \n -^KV.'. -^^ .0^ . 7"M '3 'C"^ N.MANCHESTER, ^---■~ INDIANA -0' .^^^^^