PS 2736 R36 U5 Copy 1 \.NG LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. Chai). Copyright No. Shelf..?4y3b UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. / "-EB2118! .''.'.'7/'" m n^iitmti » ,/ -■"' WHEN 1 WAS LIVING A'r THE GRANGE, AND OTHER POEMS. BY DR. WILLIAM F. RUBOTTOM FIE ST EDITION. BQFFALO GAP, TEXAS: W. D. GIRAND, PUBLISHER. 1897. TWO COPSES RECEIVED II 76 2.73^,^ ^ ::b 2154 Entered according to tbe ac': of Congress, in the year 1897, by, DR. WILLIAM F. RUBOTTOM. In the office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. PREFACE. Ill In casting this little book of poems upon the ocean of literature, its author is not insensible to the fact that it is not above criticism. In fact, he is fully aware that, like all human efifort, it falls far short of perfection. However, he flatters himself that its contents are not wholly destitute of merit and. feeling thus assured, he presents it to you, dear reader, trusting that a perusal of its pages wiJl afford j^ou a pleasure equal that enjoyed by himself while preparing the matter therein. This modest request I make of the reader : Should you begin the reading of this book, con- tinue the perusal until you scan its every page. By doing so, I am vain enough to believe that you will find something between its lids to enter- tain , instruct or amuse you . THE AUTHOR. Buffalo Gap, Texas, Oct. 9, 1897. IV ERRATA. Page 5, 1st stanza, 2nd line, for ' 'scene,' ' read, screen. Page 8, 1st stanza, 7th line, for ' 'put," read, j^uts. " '< •' " 8th line, for "puts," read. put. Page 9. 3d stanza, 4th line, for ' 'helpless," read, hapless. Page 14, 2nd stanza, 5th line, for '■'■kinking.'''' read, thinkinAj. Page 16,3d stanza, 2nd line, for ' 'couplets." ve-Adi. couples. Page 18, 1st stanza, 1st line, for ' 'amas, ' ' read, mamas. '• '' '' 2nd line, for ' 'mplace," read, 7:>?ace. Page 19, 3d stanza, 1st line, for • "She," read. The. Page 21, 3d stanza, 4th line, for' 'wreath, ' ' read, wreaths. Page 27, 3d stanza, 1st line, for ' 'doctor, ' ' re ad. Doctor. Page 42, oth stanza, 2nd line, for ' 'with, ' ' read. With. Page 55, 2nd stanza, 1st line, for ' 'eer, ' ' read, e'er. Page 73, 6th stanza, 3d line, for ' 'a ten, ' ' read, ten. Page 76, 7th stanza, 3d line, for ' 'When, ' ' read, Then. Page 92, 2nd stanza, 1st line, for ' 'Doravens, ' ' read, Do ravens. Page 143. 13th stanza, 2nd line, for ' 'neer, ' ' read weVr. Page 147, dedication, 1st line, for *'respec ully,'' read, respectf^ilhj . Page 158, 4th stanza, 3d line, for ' *Coh sion, ' ' read. Co- hesion . CONTENTS V PAGE. Likeness Of The Author Frontispiece. Author's Preface Ill When I Was Living at The Grange 1 Who Is My Neighbor? 37 Too Dearly Earned 44 Long Ago 45 Beneath My Bonnet 51 Gliding Away 53 Words and Deeds 55 Two Fakes Exposed 56 What Is Man? 58 Professor Mean joe 60 Cisco ' s Calamity 63 The Level and The Square 66 Beneath The Oaks 68 Light ' s Natal Day 71 Exchanges 74 ' ' Twixt You and I " 77 To-day and To-morrow 80 Opossom Flats 84 I ' m Pining to Know 87 • 'The Mote that's In Thy Brother's Eye' ' 93 I'll Ne'er Forget 94 VI CONTENTS. He Found The Way 95 Threescore Years and Ten 97 God's Chosen Plan 99 The School Beneath The Hill 105 Eulogy and Flattery 110 Hard Times 112 The Model Student 115 If, May, and But <... 117 Acrostic '. 119 Thanks For a Bouquet 120 Samanthy Sauerkraut 121 The Goblin Crew of Siskiyou 123 Some Kind Wishes Reciprocated 127 ' 'If I Were You"., 131 What They Think or Say 135 Buena Vista ... - 137 Alphabet of Maxims 143 Why and Because 144 The Printer ' s Appeal 145 The Woman Gave and I Did Eat 147 The Busy Sunbeams 150 You're Welcome Here To-day 153 Youth, Manhood and Age 154 When We Go Home To-morrow 156 My Bonny Ship 158 Texas Mud 159 Trust In God and Hew Away 161 A Gossiping Retrospect 164 RUBOTTOM'S POEMS WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. THE wanderer's RETURN. My roving feet one evening strayed Along the margin of a stream, Upon whose bosom was portrayed The reflex of a by -gone dream. There fancy pictured Smoky Range And Sleepy Hollow, down below, And diitgle, wood and everglade, Where oft in boyhood I had played When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. I loiter near the river ' s edge To watch the eddies come and go Until they leap adown the ledge And mingle with the surf below. Awhile I note them swirl and range ; Then, laying hat and trousers low, I plunge into the stream, and drink Just like the youngsters used to drink When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago . WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. Then rising up, my trousers donned. And hasting past the watherf all , The ancient mill and swirling pond, I reach a clump of poplars tall And, peeping 'mong the giants strange, I see fair shadows come and go Across the mountain old and gray, Like visions came and sped away When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. The old f arm4iouse is standing still , The chapel nestles in the dell, The wheel's revolving at the mill. The bucket's weeping o'er the well. Some horses graze upon the range, Some colts are racing to and fro And swallows round the stable fly Just like the swallows used to fly When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago . Old ' 'Brindle's' ' at the stack of oats, The calves have jumped into the lawn , Some lambs are calling to the goats And ' 'Hector's' ' waking up the fawn ; The eagles scream on Smoky Range, The roosters flap their wings and crow And donkeys drop their ears and bray Just like they did, at peep of day, When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. WHEN I WHS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. A little grove of firs and pines , A trellis, clad with flow 'ring beans, Some spicy shrubs and twining vines And hollyhocks and rose -girt screens; A garden fence with doubtful range , A zigzag house , with rafters low And leaning sides and gables crook 'd, Look very like our homestead looked When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago . Some clothing's drying on a pine, Some pans recline against a wall, Some beds are sunning on a vine And hats and coats bestrew the hall. A turkey ' s roasting on the range , A pudding's boiling — O, how slow! — And table set beneath a tree , Just like the custom used to be When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. The boys are rounding-vp the stock, Some girls are milking, at the pen. Old ' 'Shep' ' is circling round the flock. Some deer are browsing in a glen ; A buzzard's soaring o'er The Range, A hawk attacks a cawing crow And pigeons do some flying, too. Just like their cousins used to do When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. WHEN I WHS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. The bluebirds swing upon the trees , The chickens huddle near the coop, Meek bovines crop the velvet leas And * 'Watch' ' is dozing on the stoop. The mocking-birds their nests arrange, The quails are squatting in a row, And wasps are drinking up the dew, Just like the hornets used to do When 1 was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago . Some guns are hanging on a rack. Some hoes are rearing 'gainst a shed, Some pitchforks sticking in the stack And harness resting on a sled. Some skates hang on the attic range. Cute arrows lie beside a bow And tiny socks sleep near a shoe , Just like their fellows used to do When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago Some battlets hang against a house, Some washing -tubs are bottom down And aprons , kerchiefs , sheet and blouse Repose with dirty shirt and gown. Ahshoppers with the ly e - troug-hs range. Soap -pots and kettles are in row And ' 'Bridget's' ' getting in a stew. Like washerwomen used to stew When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. THE RECOGNITION. A man is poring o ' er a book , His helpmete's knitting, near the scene, Some children ' ' paddling in a brook And others romping on the green ; One woman ' s at the kitchen range . Another's kneading biscuit dough, Both scanning me with eyes eskew, Just like two damsels used to do When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. The open book falls to the floor , Just as the reader lifts his head And, scanning, sees inside his door A wanderer who asks for bread. One hasty glance the two exchange. They question thus, and answer so. And then agree to dine and sup Like son and father used to sup When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. The knitter ' s eyes are growing dim , She drops the stocking, just begun, And weeps upon the neck of him Whom she delights to call, ' 'My Son ! ' ' Mahala quits the glowing range And Susie quits the biscuit dough , To bid the rambler ' ' Welcome home ! ' ' Like rambling boys were welcomed home When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. The turkey's roasting ' 'to a turn' ' The muffiins not a whit too rare, The tea is readj^ , in the urn , And tempting odors fill the air. The hostess does the dishes 'range Upon a cloth as white as snow And bids us all discuss her fare Like we discussed her evening fare When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago The guests the repast do approve, Mine hostie smiles a gentle smile Deft servitors the cloth remove , And heap the fragments pile on pile. Awhile we talk of Smoky Range, Of ' 'Uncle This' ' and ' 'Cousin So ;' ' And then our voices join in prayer, Just like our voices joined in prayer When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. ' • O , God ! attend our cry , to-night ! O , do forgive ! ' ' our voices plead . ' 'Display thy mercy, love and might, For else we faint in hours of need. Prepare us for each earthly change , Dispel each fear, each earthly woe And keep us all , for Jesus ' sake ! ' ' Just like we prayed , ' ' for Jesus sake , When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. love's dream fulfilled. A youthful couple, hand in hand. Are standing near the flowing stream And, whilst they loiter on the strand. They do recall ' 'Loves early dream. ' ' Then shadows creep from Smoky Range And, hanging o'er the beach below, Conceal the lovers from my view, Like Lovers were concealed from view When I was living at The Grange. Some fifty years ago. The shadows pass. The chapel bell Peals forth it sweetest, blightest tone And merry throngs decend the dell To hear the priest proclaim them one. Their plighted faith th y do exchange And promise that through weal and woe They'll love each other to the end, Like lovers loved unto the end When I w^as living at The Grange, Some tifty years ago. OLD BIECHEY'S SCHOOL. A school -house — minus latch and door — With crippled sash and broken panes, (Some lean-to desks, a puncheon floor, ) Its sides defaced with pokeroot stains, Its roof and gables out of range, Its walls a -slant, its ceilings low And wooden pegs for hat and blouse — Looked very like our own school house When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. Old Birchy wraps : "To books ! " he cries. His rod ascends and fiercely whirls ; Some laddies stare with bulging eyes, Some lassies pull their neighbors' curls. One boy inspects an insect strange , Another treads his benchmate's toe — And ' ' Master Birchey ' ' put ' em through Like Master Withey ' 'puts us through' ' When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. One little lad , more pert than wise , Implants a tack in someone ' s back ; Then Birchey lifts his dreamy eyes, — His lashes falling whack- a- whack,— The laddie makes some gestures strange And, crying ' -Ouch ! ' ' at every blow, He then bestrides the Dunce's Stool Like we bestrided ' ' Dunce ' s Stool ' ' When I was living at The Grange Some fifty years ago. A COURT SCENE. The court's convened for justice' sake. To bandage -up the fractured laws ; The lawyers, too, their stations take To tinker -up its many flaws. His Honor rules on plea and change And, as his rulings swell and grow, He piles them up in proper piles, Like battercakes w^ere piled in piles When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago . WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. 9 It's ten o'clock by standard time, And from a prison ' s dismal gloom , A culprit steeped in sin and crime, Comes into court to hear his doom . The suitors quick their pleas arrange, The jurors to their places go, Attorneys spar and baliffs shout Just like they used to spar and shout When I was living at The Grange. Some fifty years ago. The bench and bar the wretch survey, The clerk unto the writ refers, The plaintiff does the felon fiay , Defence "respectfully" demurs. His Honor does some rulings change, Then sends the jury down below An honest verdict there to find, Like upright juries used to ' 'find' ' When I was living at The orange , Some fifty years ago. The proxies for the State declare : "He's guilty as his father Cain. ' ' ' ' 'Tis false as hell! ' 'his allies swear, ' 'The helpless creature is insane. ' ' A hundred times their ballots change , A hundred times the cocktails flow, Then ^'^ry finds— a lurking doubt- Like jnrors found ' 'a lurking doubt' ' When I was living at The Grange , Som.e fifty years ago . ^10 WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. The jury then to court repairs Its honest findings to report ; An outraged throng descends the stairs, Denouncing jury, bar and court. The felon offers ' 'Judge' ' some change, And bids him share it , thus and so , 'Twixt bailiffs, bar and jury true Like judges shared with juries true When 1 was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago . CHASING THE FOX. Glum night has doffed her mantle gray , Fair twilight's kissing blushing morn ; The huntsmen mount, their coursers neigh And dogs respond to tooting horn . Sly Reynard spies the distant Range And, scorning man and canine foe, He hies him to its tangled brakes, Like foxes hied to tangled brakes When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago . The u-hippers-in their stations take. The trailers scent th sedgy fen , His foxship scurries round the break, And doubles on his track again. Affrighted buzzards quit The Range, Scared owls from Sleepy Hollow go And pheasants fly from ' 'Haunted Dell, ' ' Like pheasants flew from Haunted Dell When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. 11 The raccoons seek their secret lairs, The deer forsake the sylvan shades And panthers , bears and startled hares In terror bound from bush and glades. The groundhogs hear the hubbub strange And to their near-by burrows go To watch the bounding hunters pass, Like groundhogs watched the hunters pass When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. The quarry quits the brambly hill And zigzags down a murky swale Which intersects a mountain rill, And swallows up his winding trail. Then , turning from old Smoky Range , And skulking like his cousin Loe, He hies into a field of maize , Like foxes hied to fields of maize When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. The hunters reach the stj-eamlet's brink. Dismount and quaff its limpid tide And, after taking time to think. Quick hasten to the other side. Beyond the stream the trailers range (Sniffing the breezes as they go, ) Until they reach the cornfield hedge , Like trailers reached the cornfield hedge When I was living at The Grange Some fifty years ago. 12 WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. Into the field old ' 'Blizzard' ' hies. Across the hedge the whippers bouLd, Adown the corn rows Reynard flies, And bedlam reigns the field around Till his tired legs refuse to range And — o'erpowered by grim old ' 'Floe' He sinks, alas! to rise no more! . Like foxes sank to rise no more When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago . IN THE MARKET. There's panic in commercial marls And bedlam reigns in every street, Transactions move by fits and starts Till barters knocked quite off its feet . Ginseng has lost its grip on 'change, Opossum pelts are selling slow And purchasers and sellers fail , Just like their kinsman used to fail When I w^as living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. The poultry market boils and stews, Shinplaster money reels and slumps, Old Shylock's tightening his screws And everybody's in the dumps. The banks decline to lend their change, And borrowers are steeped in woe Because they cannot meet their bills Like people used to meet their bills When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago . WHEN I WHS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. 13 Commerce is limping on one leg, Finance is badly out of tune And Coxeyites must starve or beg Unless ' 'Old Uncle' ' feeds them soon. So all advise some fiscal change That ' s sure to make the greenbacks flow Till everybody's till runs o"er Like everybody ' s till ran o ' er When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. The weaver's looms are out of whack, The printing-press is mighty ill, The farmers debits gall his back, Attorneys' fees are almost nil. The miner's purse is minus change Because, forsooth, his shekels go To satisfy old Barkeep's claims. Like miners satisfied his claims When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. The merchants grumble at hard times . And labor puts its tools away, 'Most everybody's out of dimes And cash grows scarcer every day. Old croakers pray that ' ' luck may change , ' ' Impute hard times to so, and so, And then proceed to liquidate. Like croakers used to ' 'liquidate' ' When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. 14 WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. A CHURCH SESSION. Good Parson Diggs, of Diggses' Glen, Into the open session glides , His quiver filled for stingy men , And scalpel for their flinty hides. His arrows take a zigzag range And , hither, thither, as they go The stingy laymen tumble down , Like stingy laymen tumbled down When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. His gory scalpel's long and keen And punctures to the very bone, From which it clips the muscles clean And makes delinquent deacons moan . A little Junking brings a change: The elders to the deacons go And bid them circulate their hats, Like dLQ2iC0TiB circulated hats When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. The parson ' 'lines a Gospel hime, ' ' To waiting ears in pew and aisle And Deacon Easy, once on time. In haste proceeds to pass his tile Then everybody feels — for change — And quick ten shining coppers go To chase the hungry wolf away . Like coppers chased the wolves away When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. 15 An elder then suggests ' ' the verse • About far Injy ' s coral strands ' ' And, filling up the parson's purse, Sweet voices sing of ' 'golden sands. ' ' And while the parson fobs his change His joyful praises freely flow To Providence for earthl}^ gifts , Like we praised God for earthly gifts When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. THE HARVEST TIME. The fields of wheat are looking sear , The barley crop has reached its prime , The bending rye is in full ear And oat fields welcome harvest time. Sw^ift reapers come from Smoky Range And gleaners hasten t') and fro And pile the bundles up— to sweat — Just like the bundles used to sweat When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago . The mellow fruits the boughs incline, Blackberries now are turning brown , The purple clusters dim the vine And hazlenuts are tumbling down Jack frost is camping on The Range , The pigeons come, the wild geese go And song-birds seek a softer clime Just like they did in autumn time When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. 16 WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. CHRISTMAS CHIMES. Fair, smiling Spring, with faded charms. Now gloomj'' lies in Frost's embrace, Dead Summer sleeps in Autumn's arms And Winter's usurped Autumn's place. Bonfires are kindled on The Range , The clans are gathering below And bells are ringing Xmas chimes. Just like they rang their Xmas chimes When I was living at The Grange , Some fif tj^ years ago . The bending sky with music swells. The nodding trees break forth in song And gongs and timbrels horns and bells The merry chorus do prolong. The hills take up the medley strange And carry it to vales below The christmastide to usher in , Like christmastide was usherei in When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. A sleighing party's passing by (Each cutter filled with couplets three) And banter me, as on they fly In reckless mood across the lea. Away they spin to ' rd Smoky Range , O ' er frozen creeks and piled-up snow CJntil they reach the everglade , Like parties reached the everglade When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. One moment brief (perhaps 'tis best, ) They pass beyond my sight and ken, But soon again, with song and jest. They issue from an eyeless glen And hasten on, oh, strange! how strange! Past chapel, school and ' 'Fiddler's Woe' Till they arrive at Terpsie ' s Hall . Like we arrived at • ' Terpsie ' s Hall ' ' When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. Then , quick assembling in the hall , The lads ' -salute' ' the girls ' 'repeat ;' ' Sweet viols answer prompter's call And ' 'mirth responds to flying feet. * ' The couples ' 'circle, swing and change' ' And ' 'balance, all, ' ' dance to and fro And then, reluming, ' 'gallopade Just like we used to gallopade When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago . Some little ones , by fancy led Or instigated by their mas , Have prayed and hasted up to bed To watch and wait for Santa Glaus. A little while their fancies range , A little while their optics glow And then , together dream in rhyme Like happy children dreamed in rhyme When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago . 18 WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. The amas hang their socks on pegs And mplace their tiny shoes in pairs, Then, covering their dimpled legs, Soft hasten down the muffled stairs . Old Santa Glaus, from o'er The Range, Does to the quiet chamber go And fills each little sock and shoe . Just like he tilled each sock and shoe When I was living at The Grange Some fifty years ago. THE AFTERMATH. Again the flowing stream I reach , Again 1 wander on its shore . To gather trophies from the beach And drink and bathe as once before. The deep abyss seems dark and strange. The whirlpool tells a tale of woe, Each billow tolls a solemn dirge. Just like our sexton tolled a dirge When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. The demon , Change , has been about And parted classmates, friends and kin ; He's driven old time customs out And ushered many new ones in. He ' s felled the cedars on The Range And laid full many poplars lew And slain the timid aspens, too, Just like the woodmen used to do When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. 19 The wheel that turned the water mill, Erstwhile the pride of my young dream , And pines and vines upon the hill Are gliding down the swirling stream . The school -desks with the eddies range, The house and pupils lie below And Birchie's sleeping in the pool, Just like he used to sleep in school When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. The boys who erstwhile fed the stock And men who followed after plows, Old Shep who circled round the flock And maidens fair who milched the cows ; The herds that straggled o'er the range And pigs that rambled to and fro Have floated past the waterfall . Like driftwood passed the waterfall When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago . She mild-eyed calves, upon the lawn. The little chicks , beside the coop , Old Shep , who worried goat and fawn . Old Watch , who slept upon the stoop , The birds that flew across The Range And deer that browsed in dingles low Have drifted past the shelving bend, Where surf and flotsam used to blend When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. The old wall-clock, which used to sing Such merry notes at dinner time , No longer does its pendule swing, Nor does it sound its evening chime . Its palsied hands refuse to range, Its cogs and hammer will not go For it, alas! has tumbled down Like all our castles tumbled down When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago . The King of TeiTors came this way And drafted uncles Tom and Jim , Dear cousins Ike and Pete and Ray And took kind Auntie Hope with him. Wee Willie Jones and Steve Lagrange And Johnnie Bates and Young Defoe Beneath the swirling waters lie. Just like the boulders used to lie When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. Grandfather's sleeping on the hill. Grandmother rests beneath the sod And Mother, Father, Sam and Phill Have gone away to dwell with God. Old Reuben Drake has crossed The Range, Will Rallston ' s let his anchor go And others sleep upon the beach , Like oysters slept upon the beach When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago . WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. 21 The lights grow dim, the curtains fall, Exeunt manse and church and mill, Descending beach and waterfall And seething pool and vine-clad hill, The actors bow and cross The Range, The kites and doves together go In search of fields and pastures new, Just like they sought for pastures new When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago . Once more the iiiky curtaiLS lift: Again the boards come into view ; New actors with the old ones shift. Old faces hide behind the new. The scene, indeed, seems weird and strange As canvas moves and foot-lights glow And old time friends pass from my sight, Like others passed beyond my sight When I was living at The Grange. Some fifty years ago. Jack frost has quitted hills and dells And wintry mists have fled away , Fair Flora, in the daisies' cells, Is weaving wreath for smiling May. Again the cattle seek the range, Again the vernal breezes blow And birds enliven woods and fields, Like they enlivened woods and fields When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago . 22 WHEN I WAS LIIVNG AT THE GRANGE. The wildgeese, from the far beyond, Are coining back to meads and plains And pelicans, on beach and pond, Contend for spoils with gulls and cranes. The buzzards round the pig-styes range, Fierce kites are darting to and fro And foxes to the hen-roosts climb. Just like they did at broodmg time When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. Spring's disappeared, bright Summer's fled: The daisies hide within their cells And Flora pouts and hangs her head Whilst Autumn's painting hills and dells. Again the pigeons seek The Range, Again the shadows longer grow And gleaners quit the fallow fields , Like gleaners quit the fallow fields When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. The wheat crop's thrashed and stored away. The oats and barley ' s in the bin ; The husbandmen have stacked the hay And hauled the cotton to the gin . Anon they put this ' 'truck on 'change, ' ' But dealers say, ' 'It will not go Because the market's badly off , " Just like the market would get ofi When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. 23 The apple pile is getting hot, The roup's destroying ducks and hens, The garden-truck begins to rot. The pigs are dying in the pens And sheep are suffering with mange . So off to town the grangers go To sell them to the * 'swindling Jews. ' ' Just like we sold them to the Jpvh When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago . THE LAMBS AND WOLVES. Old Smithies' worn out all his files. The painter's needing whisks and cans, The butchers need new Sundaj^ tiles , The milkman's short on chalk and pans. The cook has broke the cooking range , The gardener's mislaid his hoe And all deplore their ' 'wretched luck, ' ' Like we deplored our wretched luck When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. So each proceeds to store or shop And quick the salesmen do accost, Who quick pronounce their wares ' 'tip-top' ' And everything is bought at ' 'cost. ' ' Then, footing bills and fobbing change. In pairs across the street they go — To guzzle slings and ginger-stews — Just like we ' 'guzzled slings and stews' ' When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago . 24 WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. At night upon their beds of straw, They reckon all their ' ' bargains ' ' o ' er And, pondering each fault and flaw, Disuovf^r that they're cheated sore. From cans to files and cooking range, From painter ' s brush to tiles and hoe ' 'The rascals cheated, everyone ! ' ' Just like they cheated, everyone. When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. THE LIEN ON CLODDIE'S FARM. ' • The mortgage on the farm is due , Its holder will no longer wait ' ' From which the banker takes his cue And says. ' 'Dear sir, you've come too late For, frankly, we are out of change, Although I grieve to tell you so. As I'm in hast-, I'll say adieu. ' ' Like other bankers said adieu When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. Old Hardskin, looking bland, serene. And, becking Cloddie to one side, Says, "I'll take up Tweezer 's lien If you will make a fair divide. ' ' The contract ' s signed , the papers change , And each their sev ' ral courses go ; And Cloduie feels quite overjoyed, Just like his sire felt overjoyed When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE 25 Old Hardskin's conscience now is clear, And Cloddie's feeling quite content ; The mortgage runs until next j'ear At only forty-five per cent. Before that date the times must change. The price of goobers upward go, And Cloddie'U save his pound of flesh. Like debtors saved their pounds of flesh When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. But time, alas! is ' 'on the fly, ' And Cloddie's sleeping in the vale : His orphans round the hearthstone cr}' ; His widow's brave, though very pale. Old Hardskin's features greatly change And, after fumbling to and fro. Says he , ' ' I ' 11 give the farm to you . ' ' Just like ' -the Shy locks' ' used to do When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. JOE HODDIE AND FRANZ SMILEY. Joe Hoddie ' s note , for last year ' s rent , Has sprouted, bloomed and gone to seed And's running now, at six per cent, To satisfy old Twistem's greed Hod's change, or nearly all his change. Is spent for grog, on Rotton Row And, therefore, Twistem has to wait Just like old Tweezers had to wait When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago . WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. His butcher's bill remains unpaid. He owes for coal and breadstuffs, too, The pay to Doctor's long: delaved, And store accounts are overdue . The masons' jobs, like seasons, change; Sometimes thej^ come, sometimes they go. And Foddies seekina: for a job, Like many masons sought a job When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago . His score at Smiley ' s beer saloon Has not been cancelled since last fall And now (the fifteenth day of June, 1 That Dutchman's bubbling o'er with gall And says : ' 'Dese ting haf gotter shange. Untnon if, den mien peer don't g(»ne ; Fer oddervise mien vife vill starfed Shoost likes mien brudder's vife vas starfed Ven I vas lif en mit Der Grange , um funfzig year agone. ' ' Poor Hoddie ' s throat feels very dry , He scarce can drink his toddies up , A horrid something's in his eye, And writhing serpents haunt his cup. Dark spectors do with snakes exchange, Stygian imps flit to and fro And terrify the wretched sot , Just like they terrified the sot When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE Poor Hoddie ' s growing worse and worse : He gnaws his tongue , he pulls his hair , Essaj-'s to strangle patient Nurse And shrieks and struggles in despair But Doctor says ; ' 'He'll shortly change ; The spooks and demons hence must go And I will whip the snakes away, ' ' Like Leechie whipped the snakes away When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. Poor Hoddie grows no better , fast, Sometimes his eye with frenzy rolls ; Sometimes he smiles, then looks aghast ; Again he wrestles with the ghouls, But by and by there comes a change : His mutterings more feeble grow ; He quivers ; sighs ; then sinks to sleep Like Winesops used to sink to sleep When 1 was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago . Now doctor sits with folded arms And anxious face and drooping head , Whilst deft Nepenthe plies her charms Upon his patient, on the bed. Quite soon his nerves and features change : His pulse beats soft ; his breathing's slow ; And Doctor cries : ' ' Amen ! Amen ! ' ' Like Leechie Dovers cried Amen! When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. 28 WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. Sweet smiles illume the patient's face ; Some truant tears steal down his cheeks ; Returning Reason takes her place And then poor, feeble Hoddie speaks, • 'Indeed, '' said he, ' 'there's been a change That none but ransomed drunkards know, For which I thank my God and you' ' — Like reformed tipplers used to do When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. The Bible's brought from off the stand. The Doctor holds his patient ' s head , The smiling wife holds up his hand And then repentant Hoddy said : ' 'As Truth can't lie nor Heaven change. And God man's purposes doth know. Henceforward I will drink no more ' — Like ransomed tipplers drank no more When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. The shopmen, looking ledgers o'er, Appoint a certan hour to meet With canceled bills, from shop and store, And lay them all at Hoddie 's feet. Old Twistem brings a bag of change— Into Hod's hands the eagles flow — And, smiling, then they all withdrew Like smiling creditors withdrew When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. 29 For many miles the story sped , For many days kind neighbors came To watch beside Joe Hoddie ' s bed And magnify God's holy name. Good wifey, too, now feels a change ; Life's currents freely come and go ; Her faded cheeks begin to bloom Like summer roses used to bloom When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. Now Hoddie has enough to do , And wields his trowel , square and bob With hands so deft and strokes so true Thai he can always find a job. His change — at least his surplus change- Is safely kept on Bankers Row Or's spent in beautifying home, Like people beautified the home When 1 was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago . A building boom has struck the town ; The saws are buzzing, hammers fly ; The walls go up, the cellars down ; Fair domes and steeples kiss the sky.- As wreckers mid the death-traps range They stop awhile on Rotten Row To tumble Smiley ' s dram shop down , Like ' ' doggeries ' ' were tumbled down When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. 30 WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. Franz Smiley, while at meat next day, Unto his waiting helpmeet said : ' 'Dot monish vich Joe Hoddish bay Vill soon peen sphend fer peer unt pread Unt den sometings haf gotter shange , Else, not if, to dose pups veil gone Unt ef erypody vill us sued , Shoost likes mien f adder vonce vos sued Ven I vos lifen mit Der Grange. Some funfzig year agone. ' ' Then straightway spoke his list'ning fraa, In words that did the Dutchman sear : ' ' Eef thou vouldst vield von axe unt saw , Unt guzzle not dot vine unt peer, Ve ' d alvays haf some pread unt shange Unt haf von home vere ve might gone , Besides good clodings to put on, Shoost likes mien vamily all done Yen I vos lifen mit Der Grange , Some funfzig years agone. '•' THE ROUND-UP, Somebody's fenced the grasslands in And herds are looking mighty sick ; The cowboy's purse is growing thin And something's sure to happen quick. The herders scour the bush and range And straightway to the shambles go , To find ' ' range cattle in a stew , ' ' Just like range cattle used to step- When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. 31 WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE The buyers hasten to the pens And scan the bullocks, in a trice, Computing them by fives and tens Before they ' 'fix' ' the current priiu^. ''Beef,'' they announce, ' 'is off on 'change And bovines sell exceeding slow Unless they're strictly number one, ' ' Just like our beeves were number one When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. The passing moments swiftly fly, The days grow very long and hot Before the sireatimi butchers buy At one and fifty for the lot. The cowboys then their garments change And to the gaming tables go To ' 'put the festive tiger through, " Just like we put the tigers through When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty j^ears ago . Soon as the bullocks reach the block Their briskets go as first-class roast Their shanks are sold as soup -house stock. Their suet butters banker's toast. The surloins sell to bulls on 'change And higher, higher beefsteaks go Until they clamber out of reach, Just like they clambered out of reach When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago. 32 WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE Again the market's ' 'short on steak,'' And ' ' feeders rustle in their crop ; ' ' But soon there is another ' 'break, ' ' For hungry Bruin is on top. The bears have captured the exchange And down and down quotations go Till corn-fed beeves begin to boil, Just like the ' 'grassers' ' used to boil When I was living at The Grange Some fifty years ago. The pasture fields are looking dun And army worms consume the grass, The rivulets no longer run And famine threatens Baalam's ass. Poor Baalam, too, is out of change ; His stock of breadstuff's running low And Madam Baalam looks askance, Just like his mother looked askance When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago Old Baalam views with sinking heart The withered grass and dried-up pools And says unto his bettter part : ' 'We'll have to sell the saddle mule. ' ' So Assinego's hawked on 'change And Jews and Gentiles 'tend the show, And Christian people ' 'gather round," Like Christian people gatherel round When I was living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago . WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. 33 The bidders parley, feint and drive: Old Jacobs offers ' ' Ninety-one V ' Prince Baalak shrieks : ' 'I'll raise him five' ' ' And Baalam joyful cries, ' "Tis done. ' ' But Assinego's amblings change, His stubborn limbs refuse to go With Baalak and his heathen crew, Just like his father used to do When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. AT THE NEW RECTORY. Where timid aspens used to wave And poplars threw their arms aloft There stands a church, complete from nave To chancel, aisles and music -loft. Among its pews staid Christians range, Along its aisles proud skeptics go, The few to laugh while many weep. Just like we used to Imujh and vecp When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago Sweet singers near the organ stand. Their leader nods and blandly smiles And anthems float, in measures grand. Through chancel, nave and vaulted aisles. Then many saintly visions range, Then a reverend form bends low And supplicates the Father's grace. Just like our parson prayt^d for grace W^hen I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. 34 WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. The rector lifts his eyes above And in rapt tones proceeds to tell The story of Redeeming Love : How men, through sin, were doomed to hell : How God, in mercy did arrange To send His only Son below To die, that sinners might be saved. Like sinful mortals , all , were saved When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. The girls admire the rector's face, The women compliment his clothes. The critics laud his matchless grace And connoiseurs extol his nose. The gossips' roving optics range, A love-struck maid surveys her beau And Dudie's dawdling in his pew, Just like he dawdled in his pew When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty yenrs ago. The children play at hide-and-seek. The sexton's sleeping in his pew, A mourner hides his sin-stained cheek And skeptics keep their eyes askew. O ' er Nabob ' s brows the houseflies range , The poodle ' s racing to and fro And fretful babies screech and yell. Just like thev used to screech and yell When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago. WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE 35 Again the rector, rising up. Does let his mitred head incline Whilst dedicating plate and cup And consecrating bread and wine The cruse and platter interchange. Partakers of the feast bend low And priest and laymen sip and dine. Just like we used to sip and dine When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago , * The rector lifts his voice again : Soft music floats through nave and dome ; Staid elders bow and cry, ' ' Amen ! ' ' And saints and sinners hasten home. Some hie them over Smoky Range And some to Sleepy Hollow go, Where they, perchance, may laugh or moan, Just like we used to laugh or moon When I was living at The Grange. Some fifty years ago . "AS YE sow, so SHALL YE REAP." 'Twas ever thus since man was born : He's sowed wUdoats, expecting gain. He's planted thistles with the corn And harvested more tares than grain. The good and bad will interchange, As cockle does with barley grow And thistles mingle with the wheat, Like thistles mingled with the wheat When I was living at The Grange. Some fifty years ago. 36 WHEN I WAS LIVING AT THE GRANGE. And thus it is with us to-day : We're gathering from seeds we've sown; We're reaping nettles with the hay And feeding on the crops we've grown. We're all pursuing phantoms strange. Ignoring truths that best we know And e'en forget that nettles sting, Like we forgot that nettles sting. When I was living at The Grange, Soitie fifty years ago. And thus 'twill be in coming 3 ears: They ' 11 mix the bitter with the sweet . They'll plant in joy and harvest tears And feast alike on tares and wheat. Still ease with toil will interchange And happiness consort with woe LTntil the Reaper does appear, Just like the reapers did appear When I was. living at The Grange , Some fifty years ago . And thus 'twill be unto the end : The dregs will mingle with the wine , The bugloss with the nightshades blend And briers still the rose entwine. But winds of God, from o'er The Range, Shall on these mingled bundles blow And separate the chaff and wheat, Just like we winnowed chaff from wheat When I was living at The Grange, Some fifty years ago . 37 WHO IS MY NEIGHBOR. T HOUGH very oW, And ofttimes told. This story^s true to-day Of men of deeds - \nd men of creeds Upon the "King's Highway. ' The annals say : ' 'Upon a day, Some centuries ago Two holy men With saintly ken Sped down "to Jericho." As they proceed They glibly read The creed of Pharisees And utter plaints And curses 'gainst The Greeks and Sadducees. Debating still , Like carpers will . At last their eyes alight Upon this line Of law divine : ^ 'Love God with all thy might. ' 38 WHO IS MY NEIGHBOR. TheLevite, he. Good Pharisee, Did lift his pious ken And cried aloud, His body bowed, * 'God pity heathen men V The priestly elf. Wrapped up in self, Did from the record read : ' ' Thy neighbor love . His cares remove And help him when in need . ' Then , whilst they bent With due attent Their tablets to compare , A wail or sigh Or stifled cry Disturbed the carping pair. And looking, then. Into a glen Their prying eyes espy A wounded man Of Gentile clan , Where he'd been left to die. ' ' Can naught betide , ' " The poor man cried, ' To sta> my fleeting breath ? Oh, orphan's friend. Some angel send To stanch this tide of death ! ' ' WHO IS MY NEIGHBOR. His pleading cries, Dejected eyes , Hirs. tones and dialect And manners meek Did not bespeak Him one of ' God's elect. ' ' And then again These holy men. Both at once, belabor Their tablets kind And quickly find That he's not th-ir * 'neighbor. ' ' The blushing skies They scrutinize, Uplift their hands and pray, ' 'Jehovah Just, In whom we trust, Conduct us on our way. " Deflecting thence And hasting hence. Like other Pharisees , They nimbly walk And glibly talk Till lost behind some trees. ' 'Almighty God! ' ' the Gentile cried. ' ' St nd balm from Gilead To stanch this fountain at my side And ease my aching head . ' ' WHO IS MY NEIGHBOR. 40 Ere this piteaas wail had died. Upon the desert waste, A well-known horseman he espied Approaching him in haste. He quick drew rein and did alight And, bending low, he said ; 'Oh, brother mine, forget thy plight: Arouse ! uplift thy head. Repose tiiy hand within my palm, Cheer up and look aj'ound ! For thee I bring a soothing balm — A salve to heal thy wound. Rely upon my strong right arm , Against my breast recline , Within thine ear receive this charm. Thy lips receive this wine. Thyself with water now canst bathe Thy fevered cheeks and lips , Whilst I proceed thy limbs to swathe iVnd ply some lotioned strips. Now get thee up, mine Ishmael ! * And be assured by me That I, Grod's chosen Israel, t Am here to succor thee. * W/wm God hath heard, i Soldier of God. WHO IS MY NEIGHBOR. 41 Now quick bestride this patient steed Be quick ! thy flight begin ! Nor tarry thou , nor slack thy speed Until we reach yon inn. ' The palfry then, with flowing rein And motion safe and free. Sped onward over hill and plain Straight to the hostelry. Mine host, already at the gate. Thus questione I Israel : ' ' Why fetchest thou this i-eprobate — Offspring of Ismhael?" Straightway the soldier-leach replied : * ' Whilst riding down this way I found the man the road beside And fetched him here to stay. Perceivest thou this bloated purse ? Be it thy honest gain If thou 'It engage to coax and. nurse My friend to health again . Deny him not thy kindly speech , Withhold no needed store ; And if he needs an expert leech I ' 11 pay one hundred more , ' ' 42 WHO IS MY NEIGHBOR. Old Simeon, with features bland, Stooped down and plucked his shoe ■ Israel offered his right hand — And host and guest withdrew . Our soldier, mounted, once again Sped on, past dune and rill And vine-entangled slope and plain, Straight to a tree -girt hill. And here, again He tightened rein , In sight of Galilee , To hear a youth Discuss a truth With quibbling Pharisee. The Nazarene, with face serene. His friend did recognize And , turning, saw The saint b}^ law And said: '* Do thou likewise '' No other word Nor accent heard Did to him betoken The subject, or Occasion for The command just spoken . WHO IS MY NEIGHBOR. 43 The youth did scan Samaritan With kind , approving eyes And, speaking to The carping Jew, This truth did emphasize: If anyone my need supplies And bids my woes depart, Upholds my hand, my bond unties And cheers my troubled heart ; Supplies me, when my temples ache, With soothing touch and balm And, when misfortunes overtake. Pours shekels in my palm : Scourges scorpions from my home And proffers Virtue's crown. Forewarns me ere I'm overcome. Uplifts me when I ' m down : If feeble, poor, if rich, if strong- Bids me hope and labor- Approves if right, reproves if wrong He's, indeed, MY NEIGHBOR 44 TOO DEARLY EARNED. The soldier gets more scars than fame, The traveller but little weal , Lawgivers earn less praise than blame And poets starve unless they steal. Our belles display less waist than frills , A popinjay more cheek than sense ; Physicians thrive on others ills, A miser sells his soul for pence. Investors earn less gold than dross, The miller grinds less grist than toll ; Professors have less brains than gloss, Some epicures more taste than soul. The printer sells more tibs than facts, A farmer far more chess than grain ; Attorneys make more briefs than wax And merchants fob but little gain . Distillers brew more ' 'sots' ' than malt. And politicians win by stealth ; The foot-pad earns more kicks than salt, A pessimist more snubs than wealth. Ambitious man ! oh, woman fair! However late this lesson ' s learned : You'll find the crown that you may wear Has been, alas! too dearly earned. 45 LONG AGO. 1^ dreamy mooH One night I stood The moaning sea beside Till, from its brim, A specter dim Came floating to my side. "Oh, wight!" I cried (Glancing aside), "Oh, ghastly thing of woe! Impart thy name, From whnce y.u came And whither dost thou go?" The weary man The surf did scan And heaved a sigh of w^oe, Inclined his head And faintly said, '■'I've come from Long Ago." "Oh, hast thou seen Those gardens green, Where roses ever blow ; Surveyed the hills And laughing rills Of fairy Long Ago? 46 LONG AGO. Are skies still blue And friends still true; Does man no troubles know? Does plenty reign O'er hill and plain In smiling Long Ago?'* Says he, "The dearth Consumes the earth, Nor do the gardens bloom ; And day and night, Erstwhile so bright, Are mantled now with gloom The hills once blue, Thy friends once true, No love nor beauty know ; And scourges reign From manse to fane In woe-cursed Long Ago." Says I: 'Avast! Be not po fast ; Forego thy driv'ling liesl At least one dell — Remembered well — Is yet a pariidise LONG AGO. ^^ Within that dell My parents dwell And know no want nor care; Some brothers true And sisters, too, Still live, mid plenty, there. | Come, speak me fair, \ And do declare | The truth, which thou dost know ; Are not my kin Still living in Fair, peaceful Long Ago?" Quoth he, "Ah, well! That little dell. Which gave thy fancies birth, Through flood and fire ■ Anri scourges dire. Has vanished from the earth . Death's gloomy pall Now mantles all That thou dost claim to know, And not one trace Of thy proud race Survives in Long Ago." 48 LONG AGO. Again I said: "Hasi thou not read In annals of renown That men of worth Still have their birth In that primeval town? Thou sni\'ling fool! I know a school Within that classic place, Where sages wise Project their eyes Into each niche and space. 4 I've cijusins, too, A mighty crew. Whom you perhaps have met, For they've been there Through foul and fair And still reside there yet. And you, I ween, Have sometimes seen — At least you ought to know — A damsel fair. With sunny hair, Who lives in Long Ago." LONG AGO. ^9 '•0[ all that clan There's maid nor man (FIh spoke ap in a dream), Who hafe Dot passed, At first or last, Across this dark, dark stream. The school and mill Are silent — stili — The streams no longHr flow; And busy Irfe And roaring strife Ne'er startle Long Agu. For thine own sake To-night I'd break The spell which binds then fast, And has for years Drank up thy tears And bound thee to the Past." "Has man no place In earth »)or space,"' I questioned him again, "Where h« may go To soothe his woe And ease his racking brain? 50 LONG AGO. 'Tis Bad, alas ! That I must pass My wretched life he low Without one thew To bind mn tn My bonny Long Ago. " ' Oh, yep, I hear," Replied the seer, "SoniB poet's roving eye Has found a place, Somewhere in space. That's called 'Sweet Bye-and-Bye.' In this fair land, I understand. There's neither clouds nor snow And, from its shore, Men never more Return to Long Ago No gloom pervades Its fields and shades. No bane pollutes its air; And not a breath Of dearth or death Can ever enter there. LONG AGO. 51 They never sigh Nor faint nnr die Nor e'en one parting know. And soon forget. Or ne'er regret, The scenes of Long Ago. No guilt, no stain, No racking pain Nor haggard imps of vv<nnHt And warbled f<^rth this elfin song: 'T live beneath my bonnet; Nnath my bonnet; can't you see? Neatli my bonnet; ha, ha, ha I Neath my bonnet; che, he, he! Neath my bonnet, tra, la, la." GL[DING AWAY. 53 ' ["^HE birds on the treetops. the flocks on the hills, -^ Little children and lambkins at play. And cattle ^hat drink at the fountains and rills Are gliding: away, sliding away. The pets of fair sprirgtinie — buds, leaflets, and all — The bloom and perfume of bright May, The grainfields of summer and the treasures of fall Are gliding away, gliding away. The nectar we breathe from the apple trees' blows, Delicious scents from new-tedded hav. And the fragrance exhaled from clover and rose Are gliding away, gliding away. The echoes from girlhood . the foibles of boys ; Fairy baubles which lead youth astray : Stern conflicts of manhood, its sorrows and joys, Are gliding away , gliding away . The sunlight, which shines for the poet and sage, Bringing joy to the young and the gay. And shadows which darken the vistas of age Are gliding away, gliding away. The phantoms of ocean . the mirage of ^arth , Myths and shams that allure us to-day, Smoke- wreaths from the chimney and gleams off the hearth Are gliding away, gliding away. 54 GLIDING AWAY. The thunders which staitle the heavens and seas, Vivid lightnings which shiver the oak And tempests which wrestle with mountains and leas Are fast gliding away like the smoke Life's triumphs and failures, defeats and alarms — Grim specters that affright us for aye — And pr -texts which summon the nations to arms Are gliding away, gliding away. Our frif»nds of the fireside — sweet cherubs so brown. Happy bridegrooms and brides of one day And grandame and grandsire in slippers and gown — Are gliding away , gliding away. The foes that affright us, the sins we should shun. Every ill that environs our way , Sore trials which shock us and risks which we ^ un Are gliding away, gliding away. The awe we once felt in the presence of death, Saddened thoughts of our body ' s decay And dread of those nightmares that covet our breath Are gliding away, gliding away. Since Jesus has nfted the mantle of gloom. Erst enshrouding man's pris^jn of clay, The goblins of death and the ghouls of the tomb Are gliding away, gliding away. Oar bodies, alas! clad in g-irm^nts of wos. Ere long will fatten grave-demons grim . But our spirits- dim portraits of God— will go Gliding away , away unto Him . 55 WORDS AND DEEDS. The kindly acts that woe suggest;* Are things we do too oft neglect. But words which sorrow most detests Are those which people most affect. The poorest gift to want eer given , However poor that gift appear*;. Is richer in the sight of Heaven Than sympathetic words and tears' Kindly words, if fitly spoken. May haply blunt affliction's darts. But, alas! their spell is broken When they essay to cure its smarts Whene'er a wretch for succor pleads. Speak kindly as you feel, or know. But be your speech a key to deeds That mav remove his want or woe. 56 TWO FAKES EXPOSED. I STOOD at my window one day And mused in a dazed, mystified way About — ' ' What? ' ' — do you say? A brother I'm trying to get at, In a land far away, Who must be as gray as a rat , But yet , notwithstanding all that , Is a quiz till to-day . Oh, Brother mine '. what a fakish )wm De phirae is that outlandish • 'Tom— (Which you write at the end Of epistles inscribed to a friend) — Trubo"' you've stolen from A name I am attempting to mend ; Leastwise, if lean, I intend To cashier * ' Doctor Tom . ' ' To speak frankly, and very brief, For hours I'd been scanning a leaf And a nom de plume queer, That closely resembled a fake, Which I was then striving to make Just a little more clear. Not wishing to make a mistake In handling this fraudulent fake— Or whatever it implied— And , wishing to get a fair start, 'Id taken the nnm all apart And had laid it aside . TWO FAKES EXPOSED 57 The problem grew plainer to me When I had discovered a D, And beneath it, you kxiow, Was a modest lower-case 0, And next in position, you see, Was its third, which is C. The ' 'Doc' ' had a meaning for me. Although it was minus a T, So I placed one below And followed it up with an o, And lest an omission might mar, I then added an R. Then, looking for something afar. By chance I spied another R, And, pursuing this cue, J shortly discovered a u, And then , looking downward , you see , I detected a B, Then, carefully seeking, you know I picked up a very round 0, And T chuckled in glee At sight of a very small T, And then, what a comfort to me, I found another T, And, whilst I was searching below I descried a lower-case 0, Which I added to them And finished the name with an M. Dancarson Nosilvniik. 5^ TWO FAKES EXPOSED D-ivining prophet, cease thy quest! O, poet, let *'TomTrubo'' rest! R eversing letters in my ''worn" C-an never make it else than ' *Tom. ' ' A-gain each consonant restore, S-o. too, each vowel, as before A-nd, when the letters you've reversed . N-e'er strive again to make R first; N-o, never, never, nevermore. W-ith patience hear me to the end ; I speak to thee as friend to friend : L-et ' 'Doctor Tom" assume his mace; K eep ' ' Trubo ' ' in his proper place : I-nitials place, as once before, N -or change one dot or underscore ; Set up the T's where they belong, O ■ mitting naught that you've set wrong N ow let '-nom''^ BE, forevermore, Doctor Tom Trnho. WHAT IS MAN. W. HAT, what is man? The key -stone of creation fair, God's noblest work. His chiefest care Since time began. The potentate of earthly climes , A freeman oft, a serf sometimes ; A being clothed in attributes Well -befitting gods or devils ; A creature far above the brutes, Yet inclining to their levels. WHAT IS MAN. 59 Aye, what is man? T thing endowed with mind ai>d will, The acme of creative skill, Within whose span The force resides to master steam And utilize the li2:hining's gleam. A ruler ruled by circumstance, Dread nemesis in mortal fray. The willing dupe of sycophants. A coward when the donkeys bray. Aye, what is man? An entity divinely wrought, A soul instinct with soaring thought. Whose vision can , Unclouded by the haze of earth, Discern the Cause which gave it birth. An offshoot of angelic line , Sweet benison to those who're sad , A gentle priest at mercy's shrine, A wild tornado when he's mad. Aye, what is man? A nugget from celestial mine . An image cast in mold divine, Through Wisdom's plan. Who testifies in every place That he's partaker of God's grace. A prodigy of brawn and might, A noble knight, a cringing elf , A howling fiend, an angel bright, A mystery unto himself. 60 PROFESSOR MEANJOE. W: HILE poring o'er Some musty lore, Where gossip, news and fiction blend, My prying eyes Scanned with surprise This mention of a long- lost friend: ' ' The Advocate Is pleased to state That Mean joe, of Hooziers' Nest, Well known to us — The dear old cuss — Is coming to the growing West. This Meanjoe, Long years ago . 'Tanned Hooziers' , at Opossum Flats. And's coming here Sometime this year To tan the pelts of our own brats. ' ' No other sign Or printed line Appeared upon this thumb -worn page, Whereby to trace The honored race That sired and fed and owned this sage. But, glancing still Like people will When searching for a friend long -gone, I spied a page — A type -writ page — With this epistle stamped thereon : PROFESSOR MEANJOF: 61 ' 'Dear Kernel noax. Inform yore Foax That I hev tuck my penn & rizz Tew let yew No That Me an joe Iz closing out our collidge Bizz. Sense Meanjoe Hed fur too Go Teechin down on aigur Rivrr He sez he s Felt Ez iff his Melt Is <.utgrowing brindell s Liver. Betwix the Shaiks, Tix fieeze & Snaix We're inflicted moast Distressing & hoap that Yew & awl yore Crew Is injoying the saim Blessing. PC AST SKRIPT. I right at nune, Nineteeth ov joon . From moonshine bend. Inn '92, & iff bob Steere Gozf west next Year I'll send this oph inn haist too Yew, TAIK NOTUS. When this yew Sea Rememb- r Me Too yore Boys & miss soPhiar, & iff yew've Thyme Too print this Rime I'll remane vore Friend maRiar. 62 PROFESSOR MEANJOE. My dawterPeg & Sun peaLegg, Jerooshy jane & awl the Rest Declaire they ' 11 Go With Meanjoe Tew teech yore collidge in the West, CONFIDENSHUL. The trusteaze Down Tew shaikersTown, Besides the Regents up too trent, Hev rit too No Iff Meanjoe Cann serve them az their Prsydent. FINUS. I've tnck my Penn Inn Hand aGenn Fur too conclood this Peppergramm & let > ew No That Meanjoe Is keeping Skool fur unkel samm. We've nice Jimcrax & rair Nicknax & plenty smiles on us , yew No ; &, az a Rool, Each boy inn Skool Iz moast ez smart ez Meanjoe. So Pleeze apprize Yore trusteaze Wize That greenbax maik the filley Go, & golden Brix Winn awl the Trix When playing Skool withe Meanjoe, ' 63 CISCO'S CALAMITY, O, H, HARK! oh, hark A demon dark — Grim spawn of devils fell- Is swooping down On ranch and town. Fair countryside and dell . With hellish^haste He lays all waste — No ' 'thing of beauty' ' spares — His cloven hoofs Crush walls and roofs A nd rive the thoroughfares , The, hillsides steep And gorges deep His awful breathings feel ; And cot and fane Sink 'neaih the bane Of his relentless heel. Fair Cisco now, With bleeding brow, Lies , prone , beneath his feet ; Dismantled homes And ruined domes Encumber lawn and street. 64 CISCO'S CALAMITY Alack! alack! Along' liie track Grim death and horrors blend I And searchers leap From heap to heap To liberate some friend. Dazed parents haste Along the waste In search of some loved form ; Crazed children, too. The search pnrsne. Unmindful of the storm. Alack- a day! Jove's mortars play. To whet the demon's wrath. And sulph'rons fires Ignite the pyres Left in the .storm-fiend's parh. Fair women wail And strong men qnail, And gasp some doomed one's name, As upward rise Unto the skies Vast pyramids of flame. Oh, wretched night! Oh, ghasty sight! Ye do our senses daze ; Oh, frantic grief, Beyond belief. Ye horrify our gaze! CISCO'S CALAMITY. 65 May God , we pray , These demons lay. Ere all we love be lost ; Restrain the ire Of wind and fire And stay this hoUocaust. May courage stern Once more return, And cravens step aside Till time shall heal And bless with weal The town and countryside. May Hope, again, Return to reign , Fair Thrift resume her sway And Joy replace Upon each face The smiles of yesterday 66 THE LEVEL AND THE SQUARE. E RE men bad builded lodge or fane. So gossips do declare, ' 'Freemasons met upon one plane And parted on the square. ' ' ' They builded better than they knew, ' When, in the open air, They met upon a level true And parted on the square. The ruling prince with dainty feet And ' hods ' ' with shoulders bare . Did daily on the level meet And part upon the square. Some baron, from his country seat. And peasants, bent with care, Did often on the level meet And talk upon the square. The ''bosses'' with their kits complete And craftsmen bright and yare, Did daily on the level meet And build upon the square In dreamy mood I ponder yet Upon those ages fair When ' 'fellows' ' on the level met And labored on the square. THE LEVEL AND THE SQUARE. 67 Yes. still in fancy I recall The master workman's care In trying ashlars, big and small, By level, bob and square. I would not, if I could, forget Those men of wisdom rare Who erst upon the level met And acted on the square. And I admire the workmen, yet, With reputations fair. Who on the level valleys met To work upon the square. No f rater, then, did once forget His bed and board to share With those who on the level met And ' 'travelled' ' on the square. Our elder brothers, wise, discreet. Looked with suspicious air At such as on the level ' 'meet" To ''prosper'' by the square. The oily tramp, the fraud, the cheat, The dude with bangled hair CJpon their ' ' level ' ' could not meet Or flourish on their ' 'square." BENEATH THE OAKS. Bi >ENEATH the oaks, the leafy oaks, The owls their vigils keep And lazy sheep contented sleep Beneath the leafy oaks. Beneath the oaks, the fi'uitful oaks. Fat. grunting porcines dine And fireflies shine and hares recline Beneath the fruitful oaks. Beneath the oaks . the friendly oaks Confiding tendrils twine And juicy vines exude their wine Beneath the nectared oaks. Beneath the oaks , the festive oaks , The maudlin tipplers sip, And jesters quip and dancers trip Beneath the festive oaks. Beneath the oaks, the spectral oaks. Rapacious cougars prowl, Cayotes howl and canines yeowi Beneath the spectral oaks. Beneath the oaks the raven croaks Unto the nightingale. And wren and quail repeat lov's tale Beneath enchanting oaks. BENEATH THE OAKS. Beneath the oaks, seductive oaks The serpent weaves his snare. And woman fair sinks in despair Beneath lamenting oaks Beneath the oaks religious folks Their pleading voices raise . And lover's gaze meets lover " s gaze Beneath the eyeless oaks Beneath the oaks, the bashful oaks. Love fashions arrow-t'ps And swainling lips meet virgin lips Ben.^ath begrudging oaks. Beneath the oaks the coquette yok^s Her victim to her train Until her swain votes death his gam Beneath dissembling oaks. Beneath the oaks, the solemn oaks . The hearse sometimes appears . And manly tears stain infant biers Beneath the weeping oaks. Beneath the oaks the farmer smokes His homely pipe of clay . And children play the livelong day Beneath the sportive oaks. Beneath the oaks, the winking oaks , Old Nimrod picks his flint. Meteors glint and starlets squint Beneath the blinking oaks 69 70 BENEATH THE OAKS. Beneath the oaks, the circling oaks. Young manhood's dream is turned, Desire is spurned and lessons learned Beneath the circling oaks. Beneath the oaks the women folks The golden butter churn , Fair maidens yearn and passions burn Beneath the jealous oaks. Beneath the oaks , the vaulting oaks , Ambition whets her darts. And envy ' s smarts sting many hearts Beneath ambitious oaks. Ueneath the oaks, the nut-brown oaks, Ripe acorns tumble down And elfins brown dun Autumn crown Beneath *he cone-decked oaks. Beneath the oaks, the mantling oaks. When blossoms disappear, The fairies dear crown Flora's bier, With acorns, 'neath the oaks Beneath the oaks, the saddened oaks, When merry mock-birds leave , Sad linnets grieve from morn to eve Peneath the saddened oaks. Beneath the oaks , protecting oaks , When snowflakes fleck the skies. Jack Rabbit wise to shelter hies Beneath protecting oaks. BENEATH THE OAKS. 71 Beneath the oaks, the choral oaks. Should other joys depart > Some muse's art will cheer my heart Beneath the choral oaks. Beneath the ever-living oaks , When life shall slip away. I ' d have you lay my lifeless clay 'Neath ever living oaks. LIGHT'S NATAL DAY, C/REATION stalked in inky space- Drear, desolate, forlorn— Ere Order took Confusion's place And Da> and Night were born. Weird shadows mantled sky and sea, Earth groped in cheerless night Till Wisdom uttered this decree : Henceforth ' 'Let there be light. Ten thousand planets cry aloud, ' ' Begone , oh , dismal Night ! ' ' And suddenly , from out the cloud , Appears primeval light LIGHT'S NATAL DAY. Submissive stars file into plar^e : Dawn's banners are unfurled : Grim Chaos hides his wrinkled face And Order rules the world. Astonished Silence pricks her ears And quakes at Jove's command. And startled Chaos disappears When Dawn displays her hand. Glum Midnight's gates are set ajar- Stars clap their hands and shout — As smiling Sun and Morning star Fling Dawn's bright banners out. Retreating darkness rends her veil And Dreamland wakes from sleep .^ s primal Dawn, with optics pale. Does through the gloaming peep. Deformity forsakes her realm And Beauty steps in place ; Unfettered Slumber doffs her helm And scans fair Morning's face. The yawning caverns ope their eyes. Weird shadows flit away And Twilight paints the earth and skies With dimpled, golden rays. LIGHT'S NATAL DAY. 73 The gnomes foergo their midnight feast, Blind ghouls their lids unfold To gaze upon the glowing east. New-clad in robes of gold. The valleys sing a gladsome song. The hills repeat the strain , And minstrels of the sky prolong Earths jubilant refrain. The mountains lift their hoary heads , The rivers laugh in glee And oceans leap from out their beds Light's rosy cheeks to see. The forests high their voices raise , Old North wind tunes his horn, To celebrate , with notes of praise , The advent of young Morn. The lilies fair and asphodels, Bright roses clad in charms . And pansies, pinks and daffodils Disport in Sunlight's arms. .iSiolic lyres with sweetest notes, Join in the roundelay Ascending from a ten thousand throats And hymn Light's Natal Day. 74 EXCHANGE. rHILE ponderina: one night On the temperance cause , King Alcohol ' s victims And the state's liquor laws , My thoughts were arrested By the names and designs That I've seen paraded As whiskey-sellers' signs. Yes, hung o'er the entrance To the rum demons home We see some bright sentence To entice men to come And crucify virtue. For the profit of knaves , Tnd sacrifice honor On the altars of slaves. They've "Altas" and "Eagles," And • 'Retreats" and ' 'Arcades,'' • • Palaces ' ' and ' ' Parlors , ' ' And "Pavillions" and "bhades;' But there's an apter name That the rumsellers place O'er their purlieus of shame To proclaim man's disgrace. EXCHANGE. 75 That name is more common ; To but few is it strange ; A name of ill omen : ' Tis Exchange ! "The Exchange. " EXCHAJSTGE! Oh, what portents Of debasement it bears When hung o'er the portals Of those soul-killing snares, Where man oft exchanges His escutcheon of truth For rum, which estranges Grood intentions of youth . Exchanges a pure heart And an intellect bright For offenses which start From the wine cup ' s dread blight . Exchanges a bright home Peace , refinement and ease For a sin-haunted slum, Pinching want and disease. Exchanges his manhood, Noble , gen ' rous and brave , For wild passions which brood In the breast of a knave. Exchanges the solace That ' 8 given by prayer For Satan's libations And the wails of despair. 76 EXCHANGE. Exchanges the prattle Of an innocent child For bachanal revels And a conscience defiled. Exchanges mother's smiles- Bringing shame to her face — For the rumseller's wiles And the tippler's disgrace. Exchanges love divine And sweet domestic bliss For a tankard of wine And the serpent's foul kiss Exchanges hopes of kin, And a father's desire, , For a bumper of gin And the doom of hell -fire. Exchanges blessings dear— E ' en the love of a wif e— For the rumguzzler's leer And the debauchee's life. Exchanges his fair fame For the winebibber's lot, And an untarnished name For the name of a sot. Exchanges peace for strife And the chains of a slave, When exchanges his life For the dram-drinker's grave 77 'TWIXT YOU AND I." 1 WIXT you and I, Said Lena Fay, The other day , ' ' I abhor Sue Banners And, if I may, I'll find a way To improve her manners, Bye and bye. 'Twixt you and I She can't deny, The vixen sly. That, when here last Monday, She sung and played— The flirting jade ! And tossed a kiss to Grundie— From one eye ' Twixt you and I , Perhaps she thinks , The horrid sphynx. My vjyes were in eclipse And could not see The kisses she Bestowed on Grundie 's lips On the sly . 78 "'TWIXTYOU AND I." ' Twixt you and I , The Queerleys say Whenever they Pass along our siding They overhear— Is that not queer?— Tu (two) lips colliding With a sigh. ' ' Twixt you and I At Beacher's Bay , Some time in May , ' Says Samantha Tanners, ' I noticed him Right in the swim With Susanna Banners. ' Then says I : ' ' Twixt you and I , In former days Such horrid ways Were not tolerated \ And belles and beaux In swimming clothe» Were abominated, On the sly.' 'Twixt you and I Sylvester Browne, The legal clown , Says that Judge Profundy Declared to him And partner, Slimm, That he'd 'settle Grundie, On the sly. ' 79 "'TWIXT YOU AND I." ' Twixt you and I , Old Browne is off And Slimm's a muff And Judge Profundy ' s vain . If they expect That all their sect Could separate us twain Ere we die. 'Twixt you and I, Till close of life I'm Grundie's wife. And he ' s my own Grunnie ; And wrath pursue His Judgship who Parts our waj'S for money, On the sly . ' ' 80 TO-DAY AND TO-MORROW. 1 0-DAY, alas! The patient ass May swelter in the furrow, But Master will His manger fill With provender to-morrow. To-day the bees. Upon the leas. Despite the hawk and sparrow , Will gather mell I From leaf and cell To feed their broods to-morrow. To-day the snail Winds up his tail And slinks into his burrow. But busy Pug May find the slug And wind him up to-morrow, To-day the clown. In freckled gown , The punster's quips may borrow, But they, alack! May sting his back, Like scorpions, to-morrow. TO-DAY AND TO-MORROW. 81 To-day the elf. Enrobed in self, Ignores his neighbor's sorrow, But he should know That changeless woe Awaits such churls to-morrow. To-day some belle, Who would excel, May from the rainbow borrow, But she, perhaps, When colors lapse. May be a hag to-morrow. To-day some maid Who's "not afraid' ' May laugh at cupid's arrow, But she, perchance. May feel his lance Beneath her basque to-morrow. To-day some sprig May freely "swig, ' ' To drown the imps of sorrow , But those who ' 'swill' ' Mayhap will fill A drunkard's grave to-morrow. To-day some boy With fiendish joy May shie a poisoned arrow, But he may feel The baneful steel In his own flesh to-morrow. 82 TO-DAY AND TO-MORROW. To day, my friend, My words attend, And from my pencil borrow A little tint Of light, to glint Along thy path to-morrow, To-day, if you Hope's lights pursue. Love's peerless wardrobe borrow. You may, perchance. Your weal enhance And gladden friends to-morrow. To-day, oh^ manl You, doubtless, can Uplift some child of sorrow And. with your ' 'tips, ' ' Persuade his lips To smile, again, to-morrow, To day each youth, Pursuing truth, A gleam of light may borrow And send that ray Of light away To cheer eome wretch to-morrow. To-day, forsooth — This is the truth — We do too often borrow Some portent wise. From seer or skies , Which augurs ill to-morrow TO-DAY AND TO-MORROW, 83 To day, I know, One -half the woe Which mortals often borrow From foul or knave Or prophet grave , Remains unpaid to-morrow. To day — just now — Decline to bow Beneath a threatened sorrow. And you will find That angels kind Will rift the clouds to-morrow. 84 OPOSSUM FLATS. T5VE sometime read, in rhyme or prose, ■*- About a roving tar- heel band That ' 'went out west," the stoiy goes, ' 'To hunt for game and enter land. One day they stopped' ' the annal says, ' 'To graze their steers and rest their brats' Amid the hills and ^helving brays That overlook Opossum Flats. ' 'And there. " the truthful scribe pursued, ' 'The peering brats the wigwam spied. Wherein the Prophet-Warrior wooed And won his fawn -eyed Shawnee bride, ' ' They hivoucked near a laughing stream That wantoned on the prairie's breast Till, like a smile or poet's dream. It vanished in the blushing west. The annal said that ''Flora fair Surveyed the land thr*>ugh go.t;gles green And Beauty fainted, in despair, Whilst viewing the enchanting scene. Pomona looked with jealous glance Upon the fruitful dells and brays And Ceres scanned, with eyes askance, Tecumseh's teeming fields of maize. Amid these haunts of savage men. Where beasts of prey forever strayed O'er tangled brake and sedgy fen. Fair valleys, hills and everglade. They built a house of blocks and lime, ' ' Declares the modest writer's pen, • ' Which has withstood the waste of time For more than fourscore years and ten . ' ' OPOSSUM FLATS, 85 Two giant oaks — brave sentinels — Keep watch beside the cottage door And roses, pinks and asphodels Still blossom as they did of yore. That rivulet, mid pebbly banks, Meanders through the bloomy plain And skipping lambs, with merry pranks. Run races down the tree -girt lane. And— where the catamounts and bears Erst foraged for their hungry broods. And Ij'nx-eyed panthers had their lairs Amid the gloomy solitudes — The grangers now, with hoe and plow. Daily tickle the fertile soil. And garners groan and cellars moan Beneath the products of their toil. And— where those rippling fountains leap From underneath the sandstone wall And fructify the vale and steep , Bewitching meadows, fields, and all — The race equine and mild -eyed kine Contented drink and lave and graze . And lazy swine forever dine On clover, peas and tempting maize. The gardens, vineyards, orchard plots. As each succeeding fruit -time comes, Yield ample stores of apricots And quinces, apples, pears and plums, Ruby cherries , toothsome berries And peaches, grapes and nectarines, Whilst in the brakes the sweet mandrakes Still thrive beside wild muscadines. 86 OPOSSUM FLATS. And now, where once those red men roamed Through dingle, vale and everglade. There stands a city paved and domed — A busy, bustling mart of trade — Where endless broods of fops and dudes And shopmen with their hundred wares, In diverse moods and attitudes. Forever throng her thoroughfares. And, where Tecumseh's wigwam stood (A. rendezvous for Shawnee bands). Hard by that selfsame stream and wood An institute of learning stands, Where reckless boys mid din and noise Chase flying balls o^er near by hills, And romping girls, with loosened curls, Run races with the waltzing rills. And, where those sturdy pioneers Repelled grim foes and reared estates. Grandchildren now, unawed by fears, Securely dwell within their gates. That laughing stream — so like a dream— (A benediction to those ' 'brats' ' ) Meanders still beneath the hill Which overlooks Opossum Flats. 87 I'M PINING TO KNOW, 1 M scanning to-night The fast -fading light, From the embers' soft glow. Inquiring , the while , If homefolks still smile As they did years ago Yes . I ■ m pining to know If father and mother, Sisters and brother Are looking as neat And smiling as sweet As they did years ago sweet, gentle muse, 1 p^ay. don't refuse To impart all you know : Does mother still sit In her chair and knit . As she did years ago? And I'm pining to know If father still plows And curries the cows And tedders the hay In sunshiny May , Like he did years ago. I'M PINING TO KNOW. O tell me, sweetheart, Ere thou dost depart — For I'm pining to know — Does brother * 'plant oats' ' A nd worry the goats , Like he did years ago? Yes, I'm pining to know If sometimes he takes Ma's brown ginger cakes And ' ' swaps ' ' them to boys For Jewsharps and toys , Like he did j^ears ago. And, oh! gentle muse. If you will excuse Me, I ' d like to know (How much I can't tell) : Is ' ' Halie ' ' as well As she was years ago? Yes, I'm pining to know That her fluffy hair Is glossy and fair. And her liquid eyes Resemble the skies. Like they did years ago. Are laddies as spry And lassies as shy? Oh ! I'm pining to know If suitors ' ' propose ' ' And girls ' 'lift the nose, ' ' Like they did years ago . I'M PINING TO KNOW. ^ §9 I also would know If swain] ings ' 'repine For angek divine, And damsels elude The coxcomb and dude , Like they did years ago. Do backlogs still blaze On cold winter days , And the hearthrocks still glow? Do Pussey and Pug Recline on the rug , Like they did years ago? Yes , I ' m pining to know That Pupgy's as sly And Pusse>'s as spry And scamper away In quest of their prey , Like they did years ago. Does Auntie repose With specks on her nose— With both cheekp all aglow— And Uncle define The ' 'Message Divine, ' ' Like they did years ago? Yes, I'm pining to know That Uncle is still ''Proclaiming God's will," And Auntie's bright smile Is free from all guile , Like it was years ago. 90 I'M PINING TO KNOW. Do wild geese forsake The meadows and lake, Ere the coming of snow, And linnete repair To regions more fair. Like they did years ago? Yes , I'm pining to know If chipmunks betake Themselves to the brake. And pigeons retreat At the coming of sleet. Like they did years ago. Do laddies drive sleighs Propelled by four bays, Through the deep-drifted snow And maids, jumping in, Redouble the din , Like they did years ago? Yes , I'm pining to know If lasses and boys Partake of those joys, Supposed to await Sweethearts at the gate, Like they did years ago Do skaters betake Themselves to the lake, To ''befigure the snow;" Or fall , in a trice , Through holes in the ice. Like they did years ago? I'M PINING TO KNOW. 91 Yes, I'm pining to know If, ' 'sliding" away At dawning of day, They make -'a blue streak O'er millpond and creek, Like they did years ago . Does plenty abide At the countryside , And cupboards o'erflow? Do pancakes arise To greet pumpkin pies Like they did years ago? Oh ! I ' m pining to know That doughnuts funny, Dripping with honey, Still ''sadisfy" girls And '"peacify" churls Like they did years ago. Do work -hands arise Ere Sol climbs the skies, Or the cockerels crow, And feed the gray mare And gloze up her hair Like they did years ago? Yes, I'm pining to know That hands never shirk Their duties and work, But hasten a -field Whilst Sol is concealed Like they did j^ears ago . 92 I'M PINING TO KNOW. Does patient old ' ' Cook ' ' Reside in that nook, With full cellars below. And leaven the bread And " ' dodder' ' her head Like she did years ago? Yes. I'm pining to know That Cook still resides Where plenty abides And fashions and bakes Cute crullers and cakes Like she did years ago. Doraveas e'er com 3 To sadden their home With weird croakings of woe? Do kites hasten by The mansion and cry Like they did years ago? Yes, I'm pining to know That children, at least, Continue to feast And angels, a -wing, Glad messages bring, Like they did years ago. 93 •THE MOTE THAT'S IN THY BROTHERS EYE.' My Christian friend, should you descry A pesky stye or beam or mite Impinging on your neighbor's eye, And threatening his moral sight: Be not in haste to lectify llie obliqae ray. remove the mite Or puncture the intruding stye, Expecting to improve his sight. First pond-r well ; and do not act Till you consult a mirror's light. And there behold the cataract Which i£ impairing your own sight. Then pay some occulist to cleanse. With couching style and helping knife , The opaque substance from the lens And thus restore your orb to life Then you may see, through eyes of love, How to incise the festering stye. And understand how to remove ' 'The mote that's in thy brother's eye. 94 I'LL NEER FORGET. B 'ROTHERS, farewell; a long adieu! I break this chain with fond regret 1 But should T never more see you, Though distant far , I ' 11 not forget The pleasant moments we have passed Beneath j^on star's effulgent ray. Such precious hours ; too bright to last I I ' 11 ne ' er forget , though far away . Before we say good-bye , at last, Or I have laid this gavel by, Let's plant yon flagstaff deep and fast And fling our banner to the sky. With Faith emblazoned on each shield, Sweet Charity and Hope as guides, And courage to possess the field, We need not fear, whate'er betides. When I am in my distant home To you my thoughts will ever stray. And pleasant memories will come To cheer me, though I'm far away. The restless moments flee amain And I , alas ! must say adieu ; But though we never meet again , I will forever think of you . HE FOUND THE WAY. 95 A TRAVELLER to grief a prey, His age by cares beset, Had journeyed o'er life's rugged way To where two pathways met. The right-hand path led up a hill, Its summit draped in snow, The other down, and downward still, To dreary wastes below. He, doubting, gazed a little while Upon his left and right ; Above him loomed that misty pile, Below was cheerless night. Then, turning round and looking back O'er steeps he'd crossed before, He plaintive cried, ''Alack, alack! I'm weary, weak and sore. ' ' And, bending low, he faintly said : " T hy way , at last , I see , Leads ever up and straight ahead — Oh, Father! lead thou me. ' ' His eyelids close. Anon he sleeps Whilst fancy's shuttle weaves A web of valleys, woods and steeps. Rare fruits and golden sheaves. Again, awakened from his sleep, He saw the curtain gray Had vanished from the misty steep ; And clear appeared the way. 96 HE FOUND THE WAY. A virgin clothed in garments bright . And in her hand a wand, Bade him ascend the toppling height And view the realms beyond. Forsaking, then, his lowly bed He did the task essay. Exclaiming while he onward sped, ' 'At last I've found the way!' ' His strength restored, his halting gone, His vision once more clear. He bravely struggled , up and on , Unfettered now by fear. Proceeding onward . upward still , An ocean he espied Emerging from the crested hill, Tow'rd which his footsteps hied. As he approached the ocean's brim. To taste its cooling wave , An angel f air , accosting him , Straightway this counsel gave : ' ' Dismiss all doubts which cumber thee , Cast earthly cares aside. Forget the world and follow me Across yon river's tide. " The twain the ocean quickly neared, Rejoicing on their way , x\nd o'er its waters dieappeared Forever and for aye . 97 THREESCORE YEARS AND TEN. iVn 1 threescore 3'ears and added ten ! Fast-fleeting, yet how dear! Ye magnify the hopes of men, Then quickly disappear. We welcome you with childish glee, But bid you swifter go And wonder why your steps must be So wearisome and slow. Oft we condemn your slothful freaks. Your irksome , tardy ways , Which lengthen hours to tiresome weeks And moments into days Aye, halting years, how slow ye pass, Ere life attains its noon . But when its zenith comes, alas' Ye speed away too soon . Ah! years of toil, of pleasure, ease, Of schemes untimely born, A cycle of despiar, disease, \mbition, love and scorn. An ago of hope, of anxious thought, Of safety and surprise ; A period most strangely fraught With sloth and enterprise . 98 THREESCORE YEARS AND TEN. When man approaches ripened age Ye teach hkn, then, hi« doona And lead him. off life's busy stage Into the silent tomb But, threescore years and added^ten, Or long, or short ye be. You ' re long enough for sensate men To win Life ' s victory . 99 GOD'S CHOSEN PLAN. T, EX bearded men With knowing ken, From pulpit, bar and store. Sat by the grate Of Deacon Waite And talked the ScripUires o'er. Great, pond ' rous sheaves Of Gospel leaves Were subject to their scan , And from some sheaf Each culled a leaf To prove his cherished ' plan. ♦'By faith," one cried, ' ' We ' re justified : For here ' tis written twice : ' If ye believe Ye shall receive " The joys of Paradise Says number two , ' ' Christ died for you And all of Adams race; Hence, I conclude The multitude Is saved alone by grace . ' ' 100 GOD S CHOSEN PLAN. ' 'God foreordained, ' ' The third explained, ' 'Ere stars the heavens gemmed, That whom he chose Should find repose ; And others He condemned. • ' ' ' A vann't . sect lore ! • ' Quoth number four. * ' That Scripture's been revised : Christ's promise saves The devil's slaves If they will be baptised. " ' 'I'll never dive,'' Said number five, ' 'Beneath cold Jordan -s flood :; For 'Tod's own Son— Incarnate One — Has washed me with His blood. ' ' ' Good works affix , ' * Quoth number six, • 'Unto your sev'ral creeds, ' ' For here 'tis said . 'Your faith is dead, ' If not sustained by deeds. ' ' ' 'The texts I've read. ' ' The seventh said, ' Have failed to make it clear How man may r<^ach That mj'stic beach To which ye Christians steer. GOD'S CHOSEN PLAN. 101 ' ' Man ■ s final fate , ' ' Quoth number eight, ' 'You have not yet made plain , So I'll premise That w hen he dies He'll never live again." Says number nine, ' ' 1 do opine , Your arguments prove naught ; If God be just He surely must Preserve what Jesus bought." ' ' I am prepared , ' ' The tenth declared, ' 'To answer all your texts, Explode the creeds And damn the deeds Of all dogmatic sects. ' 'But love doth chain My heart and brain And bids my tongue be still Till I present This Testament- True record of God's will. " Oh , Bible mine ! Oh , Book divine ! What treasures thou dost hold! In tender youth I sought thy truth • And trust thee now I'm old. 102 GOD'S CHOSEN PLAN. ' ' Geology And chemistry May call thy facts absuri • Perchance suggest Some crucial test To down thy sacred word. ''However, just Beneath the crust Tiiera lies -thoagh hid from you- A richer store Of precious ore Than Ophir ever knew. ' 'Let Paine declare And Volney swear. ' Twas written by man's hand.' Yet skeptics wise Cannot devise A scheme one-half so grand. ' 'Here science can Perceive the plan Which fixed the planet s course And, also, find The laws designed To govern life and force. ' Herein the blind May eyesight find, Herein the way ward's taught ; Herein maj' page, King, bard and sage Find food to nourish thought. GOD'S CHOSEN PLAN. 103 * It teaches you How to pursue That straight and narrow way,' Through which, 'tis said, The Christian's led Into eternal day. * Should you engage To «can each page , Through eyes of f aitb and love , You then may ope Truth's envelope And find Life's treasure- trove. " And straightway then These bearded men Each bowed beside his chair And did repeat, In manner meet. This simple . Christ-like prayer : "Oh, God of might And peace and light ! At once my conscience move And condescend. Right now, to send Some token of thy love, • ' Whereby I may Discern the way Which leads to life, indeed, And never more With garbled lore Attempt to boltser 'Creed.' 104 GOD'S CHOSEN PLAN. ' ' Let love and hope My eyelids ope ; From biap make me free ; Let truth divine Within me shine And light the way to Thee. " Oh , do forestall The bigot , s thrall ! That everyone may see And under.stand That each 'Command' With others does agree. ' ' Oh , push aside Self-will and pride ! Confound the schemes of man ! That all our creeds, And also deeds, Maj verify Thy Plan. ' ' 105 THE SCHOOL BENEATH THE HILL. [Do ijou remember the school beneath the Ai//?— Reuben Drake. Y, ES, I remember, Reuben Drake, "The schoolhouse 'neath the hill, ' ' Beside the glassy, dimpled lake Which turned Tom Trubo's mill. Aj-e , yes ! Upon a slope it stood , Near by Roaring River, Whose angry, swirling, plunging flood Plashed and foamed forever. Hard by a hundred brooklets gushed From out Tecumseh.s side And, purling, vs^hirling, leaping, rushed Away with ' ' Roarie ' s ' ' It nestled 'mid the aspen trees, Where rose and jessamine And clinging moss and climbing peas With honeysuckles twine. ' Twas built of logs from out the brakes And chinked with sticks and lime. Its roof composed of poles and shakes. Its chimneys' 'daubed" with slime. 106 THE SCHOOL BENEATH THE HILL. 'Twas very old and badly scarred B}' time ' s remorseless tooth When I, your humble friend and bard, Was but a beardless youth . 'Twas understood, from old folk lore, That neighbors Stout and Short, Who erstwhile kept a peltry store. First used it as a fort. Be't trueorfalse, 'twas snug and tight. Its puncheon floors were strong : Eleven cubits was its height ; Full twice as wide and long. From year to year and sun to sun Full sixscore girls and boys, Imbued with gayety and fun , Thrilled all its halls with noise. 1 remember Betsy Wasson, Paul, Tom and Mary Fry, Jake Cook and Susana Slawson And blue-eyed Katie Blye. Ike and Att and Diana Cox , Bewitching Angie Moss, Jot Shoup and pretty Ellen Fox, Nick Sharp and Ivy Ross. Dan and Dave and Lizzie Chenny, Obe Price, Belinda Strong, Rose Dewees , Lucretia Denny And matchless Jennie Long. THE SCHOOL BENEATH THE HILL. 107 Saraantha and Jemima Stearnes, Buck Brooks and Sade Ferris , Pete, Tim. Joe and Jerusha Barns , Dick White and Pat Merris, Ben. Sam, Joe and Willie Rallston, Jim Brown and Sadie Bray, Jack and shy Amanda Alston, Abe Black and Hattie Gray. NedHarte, Will. Luke and Tilda More, Hugh , Bruce and Sally Marks, Iradell Boston, Celia Gore And Frank and Polly Starks . Jemmie O ' Groat and Pat Malone . Jeff Pease and Puss Slocumb, Sime Fair, Sol Lowe and Lily Stone And roguish Moll Yocum ; Phill, Cape, Sude and Mattie Bundy, Pat Choate and Lettie Yost, Matt Quinn and fat Horace Grundy. Queen Lisle and Ludie Post ; Job Smith, Bob and Susie Finney, Lum Morse and Millie Waite, Tuck Sloan, Pop and Mabel Kinney, Bet Jones and Birdie Tate ; Lon Payne, Sadie Moon, inlinsey gown, Steve Lake and Pony Ray, Frank Coon, yourself and Daisy Towne, Pet Kyle and Libby May ; 108 THE SCHOOL BENEATH THE HILL. BillBynum, Mitt Self , Mabel Church And I and Nathan Crews All ' ' went to school ' ' to Slashem Birch , Who ' 'shaped' ' our Ps and Qs. 'Tis fifty years, good Reuben Drake, Since you and I have seen That water-mill and dimpled lake And schoolhouse on the green. Aye , fifty j^ears of toil and tears , Of hope and fond desire , Of mingled bliss and cares and tears And ills and mishaps dire Have fled, with shifting lights and shades And changing^riefs and joys. Since those bewitching Hoozier maids And threescore backwoods boys. And many more from Duncan's Bray, Opossum Flats and Poole. Through winter bleak and smiling May, Conned lessons in that school . Or haply , hying from the green Engaged, as students do, In rowing ' neath the starry sheen , In skiff or frail canoe. Perchance ascended mountain ' s side In quest of berries ripe, Or watched at night the streams beside To bag unwary snipe. THE SCHOOL BENEATH THE HILL. 109 Or, seeking the secluded nooks, Ensnared the trusting lout. Or angled in the frieudlj^ brooks For catfish , chubs and trout . Oh, enchanting, winsome wildwood ! How many precious hours We spent in unheeding childhood 'Mid thy tempting bowers! Recking never that the morrow Would bring misfortunes sore. And o'erburden us with sorrow, Alas! forevermore. But moralize howe'er we may On boyhood, wrong or right. Its sportive freaks oft chase aw^ay The clouds from manhood's night. 110 EULOGY AND FLATTERY. JJyNCOMIUMS so closely blend With flattery, their next of kin, 'Tis hard to tell where praises end And servile blarney does begin. ' 'There's a difference, ' " say my friends, ' ' 'Twixt blarney and encomium ; ' ' But that ' 'difference' ' always ends In tweedledee and tweedledum. We eulogize a woman's tact, Her beauty and accomplishments, Ne ' er dreaming that our praise , in fact . Is wasted on thin blandishments, Quite oft, alas! when mortals think They're expressing approbation , Somehow, their chosen phrases sink Into fawning adulation. If praising innate loveliness, We fall into cajolery, Ne'er dreaming that our words express More flattery than eulogy. If we commend some gifted friend , Our complimentary phrases , In spite of us. Quite often end In disgusting, fulsome praises. EULOGY AND FLATTERY. Ill And when we laud one's eloquence, Matchless voice, superior sense. Our words, designed as compliments, Are wasted on grandiloquence. Be my premises false or true — My critics howl howe'er they may, In spite of all the carping crew— You may believe what now I say : Let terms of praise and blarney blend— And let those who may abuse them — Whilst there is virtue to commend I am very apt to use them. And though the critics rise in arms To annihilate my phrases. So long as Beauty sports her charms They shall ever sing her praises. Should Vanity display her wiles, Decoy me with her blandishments, I'll pay her ' 'taffy" ' for her smiles And surfeit her with "compliments.', Should Truth for recognition plead I shall heartilj'^ applaud her. Or Honor covet Praise's meed, Most assuredly I'll laud her. Should Modesty from danger fly Praise s tongue will eulogize her ; Should Impudence for blarney sigh I, forsooth, will advertise her. 112 HARD TIMES. O. 'NE day I called at Croaker Bines (To dun him for some dimes) . And luckily obtained these views Relating to ' ' Hard Times , ' ' ' ' Hard times , ' ' said he in deepest woe , ' ' Has ever been my guest ; No matter where I stay or go I see her horrid crest. A ghastly imp of fiendish brood — Spawned in some demon's fold — Her weazen face and attitude Are awful to behold. She subjects men of many trades Unto her iron rule. Bankrupting those of humbler grades In shop, on farm, in school. She laughs at statesmen , scorns the sage. Ignores the widow ' s pray ' rs . Witholds the crumbs from feeble age To fatten millionaires. I've prayed McKinley, Peffer, Mills— And tipped them well sometimes— To give us laws to cure the ills Occasioned by Hardtimes. HARD TIMES, 113 I've voted for free silverites, Reps, Pops, Groldites, and all, Expecting to obtain my rights And get some pie, withal. I've took their nostrums, one and all — Gold draff and fiat pill — But, notwithstanding that, this fall Hardtimes is master still. 1 tell you. Doc, I'm in a stew ; There's nothing in my till — My help s unpaid, my taxes, too— Hence I cant meet your bill. ' ' With pity , then , I turned my scan Full on the cringing elf And, rising, said: " God helps the man Who strives to help himself. ' ' Proceeding on , with quickened pace , I overtook a sage. Upon whose brow I read a trace Of wisdom and ripe age. ' 'Kind sir,'' said I, oh, tell me please ' ' Are there no favored climes Where people live mid wealth and ease And never know hard times? ' ' "Oh, yes, ' ' quoth he, as we sped on, ''Ere age my body bent I found that blessed spot upon The Island of Content. 114 HARD TIMES. There justice weighs with even scales The cause of small and great, And happiness fore ' er prevails In field, in mart, in state. The money crank's befuddled howl. And labor prophet's slime, The statesman ' s lips do ne ' er befoul In that auspicious clime. Vile communistic vagabonds Have never cursed its soil, So, peace prevails and thrift responds To well-aimed strokes of toil The people, too, forever 'pay The fiddler as they go, ' So those who dance and those who play Debt's burdens never know. Her rulers wise have never lent An ear to schemers' tricks, Wherefore, 'hard times' and discontent Have fled beyond the Styx . ' ' ^ n 115 THE MODEL STUDENT. 1 HE model student's never late, He's at his desk at half -past eight. His lips are clean, his walk discreet, No flies assail his booted feet. His garb is neat, he sits erect And treats his classmates with respect. He's not a guy, at home nor school. Nor rates his teacher as "a fool. ' ' He rarely yawns, he doesn't drawl And never shies a paper ball. He seldom sulks, avoids all noise And keeps his head in proper poise. He, like another model youth. On all occasions, tells the truth. He shuns the dude, ignores the plod. Respects himself and honors God. His speech is chaste , his features blight , He spurns the wrong , upholds the right. 116 THE MODEL STUDENT. To brighter boys he yields the prize , Yet with the brightest always vies. His well -used books are near at hand, His slate and pencils at command. The three ' ' Big Rs ' ' are his delight — He loves to ' 'cipher, ' ' read and write. He's always ready to recite And's just as smart as he's polite. His "A, B, Cs and X, Y, Zs" Are handled with a conscious ease. He's eloquent, quite witty, ;too, And modulates each ' 'P and Q. " ' He seizes thoughts with keenest zest, Transplanting them inside his vest. Pure English prose affords him sport, But syntax is his strongest fort : He links each sentence joint to joint And gives each clause a proper point. His diction's good, his pose divine ; His language flows like mellow wine. His essays all are ' ' done up brown ; * ' His ' ' figures fetch the benches down . ' ' 117 IF, MAY, AND BUT. A LITTLE lo-an, -a gift, perchance, Timely helps to lighten labor — If such helps are in demand— A kindly grip , a cheering glance May uplift your falling neighbor, But self-help must make him stand. A mild reproof, by love begot, A friendly nod, an outstretched hand— If they smash the tempter's cup — May raise, awhile, the fallen sot And help his wayward feet to stand. But self-propping holds him up . A healing salve for mangled arm , A soothing drug for cramping spell— If dispensed with needed speed — May the power of pain disarm And make the wounded member well . But self-care averts the need. The wishes breathed , the tears we shed For hapless wretches without food — If full of milk and honey — May furnish leaven for their bread And soothe the hungry, famished brood, But victuals cost some money. 118 IF, MAY, AND BUT. The pray'rs we utter, day bv day, For neighbors bound by error's chain— If prayers equal power — May break, forsooth, the tyrant's sway And place them on their lost domain, But deeds confirm their dower. Lovers' pouts, a little sporting : Sometimes sparring, sometimes cooing — If indulged to catch a mate — May please suitors while they're courting And add keener zest to wooing, But they mar the married state. Little longs when counting measures And little shorts when making change— If pursued to compass pelf — May increase the tradesman's treasures ( And honest patrons ' wealth estrange ) , But they'll damn the tricky elf. The stones concealed in cotton bales. The cheat in grain and rot in fruit — If they're sold as parcels whole— May lengthen out the granger's sales (And furnish him a chekered suit) , But they'll curse the rascal's soul. The gossip's winks that hint at shame And poisoned darts that skeptics fling — If no other woes ensue — May sull> some pure woman's name And poison souls with mortal sting, But they'll wound the archers , too. 119 IF, MAY, AND BUT. The many facts which * ' May ' ' obscures . The ideas which ''if" makes clear— IF an If a thought defines— And many truths which ^^But" immures MAY not, perchance, to you appear. BUT they nestle 'twixt these linea. If critics wise my theme despise And reduce these lines to smithers, With other Mays, Buts and Ifs I'll slap the bantlings o'er their eyes, Flay their bodies , hams and withers And cremate their putrid stiffs. ACROSTIC. O-n this bright leaf, in language brief, L-et me this timely truth disclose : L-ife's waning years may end in tears I-f youth parades in Folly ' s clothes . E-re , then , you wake the lurking snake C-oncealed beneath the tempter ' s snare , R-esolve to lean, with trust serene, O-n Virtue's strength and Heaven's care . C-leave unto grace, God's word embrace, K-eep step with Hope, your duty do ; E-schew self-will — and Jesus will R-emove all snares that menace you . 120 THANKS FOR A BOUQUET. JI OUR bright bouquet, Which came to-day, Seems to me "a joy forever. ' ' Its matchless bloom And sweet perfume E ' er remind me of the giver. If the giving And receiving E ' er afforded equal pleasure To the giver And receiver You, I ween, have had full measure. But >et. Mis£ Lou, To you there " s due Formal thanks, as yet unrendered , Hence they , and more A thousand score. To you, kind friend, are tendered. SAMANTHY SAUERKRAUT. 121 JVIy frau's a gentle, quiet dame, Though she may sometimes pout . When people give her the nickname Of Mistress Gadabout. She's not a child of Hercules- She's neither tall nor stout— And's rather ' 'crippled in the knees , ' ' Is Madam Sauerkraut She's somewhat queer at home , I know . Has ' ' rheumatiz and gout But when her ' 'achings' ' lighter grow She's fond of • 'going out. ' ' Her parlor's often up -side down And kitchen , too , no doubt . Whilst she is visiting down town With Becky Overstout. Her breakfasts may be very late Because she's ''never stout;'' And frequently my suppers wait On Madam Sauerkraut. She ' s popular with all her set (The Misses Overstout And Mesdames Quizz and Betteryet) , Is Madam Sauerkraut. 122 SAMANTHY SAUERKRAUT. When she pursues the public way (Or some secluded route, ) The people all in chorus say : * • Good morning , Gadabout I ' ' The last twin Pickles have a way Of crying when she's ' 'out, ' ' Which tempts e 'en me sometimes to say , ' ' Oh , heartless Gadabout 1 ' ' Her face , I own , seems rather wry- Looks almost sour as crout. When home— but that's no reason why My wife's a gadabout. Her comings-in I don't approve. Much less her goings-out. But by her Bible I can prove Her name's not Gadabout, 'Tis writ as plain as plain can be. ' ' Sa-man-thy Sau -er-kraut ; ' ' And , for my life , I cannot see How that spells Gadabout . If Crout and Pickles mean the same (Of which I've little doubt) , Then, I affirm, her proper name's Samanthy Sauerkraut. 123 THE GOBLIN CREW OF SISKIYOU V^H. Siskiyou! grim monarcfe old! Whe® Sol dispels glum night. What joy to watch the mists unfold i About thy dizzy height 1 To note with reverential awe The sunbeams . whilst they streak With gold the adamantine snow That glistens on thy peak. ( To see the fleeting shadows creep Into thy eyeless shades Or, with the glacial currents . *^leap Adown thy steep cascades. As morning's heralds further go I Into the scars and brakes. Behold ! the loosened brooklets flow Into thy ice-rimmed lakes \ Hark! hark! I hear the eagle scream, And catch his mate's reply, As he forsakes the limpid stream And seeks his eyrie high. As moments lengthen into hours, Behold, upon the breeze, The odors of sweet-smelling flowers Are wafted through-^ the trees. 12^ THE GOBLIN CREW OF SISKIYOU. The stately, aromatic fir Salutes the nodding pines And condescending oaks defer CJnto coqueting vines . The mock- bird's flirting with the wren , The cuckoos mate with drakes. The night-hawk woos the turkey hen And sage-hens pair with crakes. Blind owls espouse the razorbills. Charmed rooks consort with daws, Blue jays unite^with whippoorwills And linnets wed macaws. Wild geese and pigeons tell their loves To fickle laj'ks and quails And magpies strut with ravens, doves And flirting scissortails. From these I turn , gray Siskiyou , To scan the crown of snow — Forever old, forever new — Encircling thy cold brow . Tall giant old, thy Indian name, These glacial fields and rills And steeps and lava beds proclaim Thee monarch of the hills. No hand of bard or painter yare In language can express. Or paint a sketch, which will compare With thy cold ruggedness . THE GOBLIN CREW OF SISKIYOU. 125 Old Sol again forsakes the steep. The woodland minstrels rest And shadows, from the gorges, creep Around grim Shasta's crest. Dejected, now, I sit and think Of the departed throng Until the stars begin to blink The buttes and scars among. Then I, dismissing charts and books. Quick hasten to a glen To contemplate the frenzied spooks Of long forgotten men . Who nightly haunt these fields of snow And , with glittering knife And gleaming axe and twanging bow. Engage in mimic strife. They scramble over lava beds Or roam among the pines ; Anon uplift their ghostly heads Amid the arching vines. They madly scurry down the slopes With lifted bow and spear, As if pursuing antelopes , Affrighted bears and deer. Then, on and on, o'er valleys wide. O'er rivers deep and clear, Within a hut the Peak beside, They gcalp the mountaineer. 126 THE GOBLIN CREW OF SISKIYOU. And, swift recrossing streams and plain, Like messengers of death , They overtake a moving train And ' • freeze ' ' the tourists ' breath . Again the goblin crew espies Another cot below, And straight proceed to sacrifice The sleeping ranchero From out dark manzanita shades These gnomes again appear And. hurrying, with vengeful blades Dispatch some pioneer. Perceiving, then, John Chinaman, Late of Shooang Foo . They ' * confiscate his chicomen ' And bang his braided queue. Descending from the moody shelves And summits steep and cold. They hasten where the miner delves In crevices, for gold. Encircling then the peaks, which rise Far, far above Mount Hood. They dart into the star-gemmed skies , Or dive neath Klamath ' s flood . 127 SOME KIND WISHES RECIPROCATED. To the Worshipful Master, Wardens and Brethren of Lee Lodge. No. 435, A. F. & A. Masons: Your Committee , appointed at a Stated meeting, held in Lodge Room, at Rheas' Mills, Collin County, Texas, December 22, 1888, most respectfully beg leave to report, as follows — to wit : 1 . Resolved , That it is with unfeigned sorrow and regret that we part with our worthy Brother Secretary, Dr. W. F. Rubottom, who has moved, with his family, from our midst, and from fraternal associations with us, to seek a home in one of the western counties of Texas. 2. Resolved. That, by punctuality, faithfulness and fidelity in the discharge of the duties of secretary of the Lodge, for the past ten years , and by his ever-ready and fraternal counsel , he has endeared himself to the officers and members of the Lodge. 3. Resolved, That, as a slight testimonial of our appreciation and fraternal regard , the Lodge presents him with the Gold Pen and Holder with which he has kept the records of the Lodge for several years ; and, that the Sec- retary be instructed to forward the same to Brother Rubottom, at Abilene, Texas. 4. Resolved, That we commend Brother Rubottom to the fraternal regard of Masons wherever his lot be cast ; that these resolutions be recorded in the minutes of the I 128 SOME KIND WISHES RECIPROCATED, Lodgf and that the secretary be instructed to forward a certified copy of the same to Brother Rubottom . Fraternally and Respectfully submitted. James C. Rhea, ^ John F. Wilson, I Committee. Thomas McNeil, j I hereby certify that the foregoing is a cor- rect transcript from the minutes of Lee r — — , ^ Lodge , No. 435 , A . F . & A . Masons , of proceed - ■I seal. ings had at stated meeting, held in Lodge - I — — J room, at Rheas' Mill, Collin County, Texas, Feb. 16, 1889. A. L. 5,889. James C Rhea, as Secretary. B, 'ROTHERS : I acknowledge greetings tendered And accept, with thanks, your token, But ' ' Committee ' s ' ' praise of service rendered Had far better ne'er been spoken. If anj'thing I've wrought, with brain or ''Pen Has enhanced the Temple's beauty, 'Tiswell — Im paid — so mote it be. Amen. To me it was a pleasing duty . If, in the course of ages, j^et to come, Some savant should your records scan And find, inscribed within the musty tome, True etchings of the Builder's plan. SOME KIND WISHES RECIPROCATED. 121J 'Twill be to me, indeed, a rich reward, Richer far than golden treasure. To realize that I, your scribe and bard. Pleased my ' 'Fellows' ' in small measure. And. Brothers mine, I am rejoiced to learn — Though nothing's done exactly true— That j'ou do not condemn, reject n^jr spurn The w^ork which I essayed to do. Since we have come unto the ' 'parting way, ' ' And now are drifting wide apart. I pray that golden dreams of yesterday May gladden every Brother's heart. ' Tis very sweet for one to fraternize With friends where'er he goes or stays, But sweeter still it is to realize The love of those of othev days. To know that wheresoer his lot be cast, In sunny climes or regions drear, Old friends who loved him best, in days long past. Still have for him a smile-or tear. ' Pen' ' is reclining in its plush-lined case, Encircled by ''Committee's'' scroll. And it shall occupy this cosy place Until Gabriel calls the roll , And bids me join the multitude which stands Before the amethystine throne, Whence the ' -Most Worshipful" ' with open hands Bestows rewards for labor done 130 SOME KIND WISHES RECIPROCATED. For you my daily orisons ascend To the Grand Architect above Imploring Him, the faithful Craftsman's friend , To keep you all in peace and love. And, when the Temple ■ s built, our labors o'er. Our plans and working-tools laid by , May the Grand Usher pass us through the door Of the Celestial Lodge on high . And, haply, if we gain the "Senior's'' grace And are presented at th€ East, May each one find to him assigned a place Around the board at ' 'Junior's Feast. ' ' "IF I WERE YOU." 131 \ The followiag lines are most respect- fully dedicated to Miss Mollie Ethijle Elizabeth Hurt, of Baffalo Gap, Texas, by her friend, THE AUTHOR . ] I .F I were you, Louisa Chew, And had one -half your shekels I ' d give them all To Doctor Hall If he would cure my freckles. There's sweet Sue Payne And Lizzie Lane And handsome Lucy Spreckles, Who went last fall To Doctor Hall To have him treat their freckles. There's Tilda Ware, So charming, fair, And cheeks as red as roses , Owes all her charms Of face and arms To Doctors Hall and Moses. There's Ivy Chace, Whose peachy face Was covered o ' er with pimples Till Doctor Hall Arrived last fall And painted them with dimples. 132 "IF 1 WERE YOU. " I cannot guess Why you will dress In styles so plain and shady When you might shine In robes divine And be a queenly lady. If I were fair And debonair Ne'er would I prate of duty . Id ' ' cut a dash And make my cash A vassal to my beauty. I tell you , Lou , • If I were you, And a multi millionaire, I'd court the wiles Of Paris styles And make the gaping dudies stare. My bloated purse My pride should nuree And fill my plaques with treasures, And everything That wealth coald bring Should cater to my pleasures. Should Cottonrows, Some day. propose To lead me to the altar Id tell him, "No; T ' d rather go Into old Goldman's halter. ' ' "IF I WERE YOU." 133 Should Banker Fair, The millionaire, Propose to make me happy I ' d say , ' ' Kind sir, I must refer You to my doting papa. ' ' But, Lou, I guess I must confess, You bewitching little elf, If I ^ were you I'd likely do Just such things as suit myself . I ' ve tried your gold By methods old And pronounced it counterfeit. Because its tone Did not mine own Precarious standards fit. Just what r d do If I were you Is becoming plain to me ; And, from your past. You may forecast What an angel I would be . So now, dear Lou, I will eschew My former declarations, For yon and I Need never try To fill each other's stations. 134 "IF 1 WERE YOU." I " d not disgrace My comely face By essaying rouge and pastes, And would detest The graceless guest Who dared criticise my tastes. Should Cottonrows , Indeed, propose (Because 'twould please my papa,) I would consent, Soon after lent. To make him rich and happy. 135 WHAT THEY THINK OR SAY. J-F children could Be alwaA's good, At home, at school, at play, What do you guess the people would Most likely think or say? If you're polite And act upright In everything j'ou do , What do you guess the angels bright Would say or think of you? If you should yearn ' 'The ropes to learn. ' ' And into dangers sink. What would wise people, in their turn Most likely say or think? 'Tis hard to guess, I must confess,— So try it, you who may, If 3'ou have language to express What each would think or say, — And I 11 indite This saying trite : ' 'Each one must swim or sink — Each occupy his place' '-in spite Of ' what they say or think. ' ' 136 WHAT THEY THINK OR SAY. Give ear , I pray , To what I say : Don ' t go too near the brink , For character oft slips away Before ''they'' speak or think. The bad eschew, The good pursue, Avoid sin ' s tempting brink ; Its pits, perchance, may swallow you Before ' ' they say or think . ' ' Should you and I Forever try To do our best , we may Perchance outlive the truth , or lie , That they may • 'think or say. ' ' 137 BUENA VISTA. A MEMORY OF FIFTY YEARS AGO. i\w AKE ! Away ! ' ' The bugles bray — Their accents weird, uncanny— ' ' With trumpets ' peal And gleaming steel To welcome Santa Ana The sleepers wake ; The plateaus quake, And break Lopez' siesta. When they leave camp And westward tramp O'er startled Buena Vista. Our cannons roar, Our eagles soar, Our cavalry's advancing; Our sabers flash. Our muskets crash And aides de camp are prancing. Upon our left, Beside a clefr, We station Indiana To check, perchance. The first advance Of boastful Santa Ana. 138 BUENA VISTA. Upon onr right. Hard by a height, *' Old Kentucky ' ' does deploy. To hold the mass That threats The Pass, And his skirmishers employ. O'Brien's rain Of shot and chain Pours death and consternation Upon both flanks And center ranks, And drives them from each station. Fierce Washington's Death-shotted guns Make steeps and ravines tremble As they hurl shell And lurid hell Wherever foes assemble . Now Captain Bragg Unfurls^is flag And ' Rough and Ready' ' answers, ' 'Please feed those apes More iron grapes ' ' — Referring to the lancers. • -Retreat' ' then slips From coward lips And bleeding Indiana, Our forlorn hope , Ascends the slope Pursued by Santa Ana. BUENA VISTA. 139 Young Illinois Parades hei boys And hurries on , though bleeding. Until they reach The gory breach From whence our vans receding. Kentucky brave. Her flag a- wave, And to the left debouching, Quick hastes along The clefts among To where the foeman's crouching. They pierce his ranks. Chastise his flanks With musketry and mortar ; Then with cold steel His vitals feel Until he sues for quarter. Now, once again, 'Neath leaden rain Sore, bleeding Indiana Draws in her flanks And, closing ranks, * Right flanks" to yon savanna. Though wounded sore She stands once more, Unterrified by trifles. And forms a ' ' V " Of musketry With Mississippi ' s " Rifles . ' ' 140 BUENA VISTA. Though choked with ire '^I'hey ho Id their fire , As swift the foe advances, Nor reel nor rock Beneath the shock Of infantry and lances With bayonet And trigger set These brave undaunted yeomen , Mid leaden gusts And lancers' thrusts, Hurl back their cruel f oemen . Arkansans mount. Their sabers count-^ Upon the plateau gory — And ride away With Yell and May ' 'To do or die for glory. ' ' * mini now With furrowed brow, Her battle-cry is dinning As she again Speeds o'er the plain To make her final inning. Kentucky, too. With marksmen true — Their courage still unbending- Displays her flag In yonder sag. Where death with hell's contending. * Indian name for Illinois. BUENA VISTA. 1^1 Now screeching shell And shotted hell The struggling ranks are plying And Mends and foes. In heaped-up rows. Upon the field are dying. The bugle sounds, ''Retreat' resounds — The steeps its notes repeating — And Mexicans In shattered clans Far o'er the plains are fleeting. Oh , cruel day ! Oh, bloody fray! What awful sights revealing! May friendly night Hide from my sight Your scenes, so blood-congealing. Yon dark ravine , The vales between. Holds fast within its keeping A thousand men With sightless ken And pulseless forms, now sleeping. Their features dark. Their bodies stark— Their souls perchance unshriven— Their blood- marked eyes. Turned to the skies. Seem pleading unto Heaven. 142 BUENA VISTA. 'Mid shadows deep Our bravest sleep — Of glory never dreaming— But o'er each grave Shall laurels wave Their petals bright and gleaming. No bard nor scribe Ma J e'er describe The horors of the dying, Nor artist paint, In colors faint. The demons round them vieing McKey and Clav May nt'er essay To sketch the conflict gory. Nor gallant Yell And Hardin tell The horrifying story. But afterwhile When peace shall smile. And we adjust this quarrel, About each name Immortal Fame Shall twine a wreath of laurel 143 ALPHABET OF MAXIMS A N adder s fang may leave a sore, B-nt gossip's tongues afflict us more. G-ruel gibes, which scoffers render, D-o oft return to wound the sender. E-nvy not your thrifty neighbor ; F-ortune weaves her crowns for labor, G-raves emit a sulphurous smell , H-ence men affirm, '"the grave is hell. ' ' 1-f you would make the asp your friend J-ump not upon his ' 'bus'ness end. ' ' K eep strictest guard upon your lip, L est it, alas! may sometimes slip. M eet slander with an open eye, Nor quail before a smoothe faced lie. O - utlive your foes , by acting well ; P-ure actions do clean motives tell. Q - uaker guns may hint at dangers . R oaring asses frighten strangers. 5 uspend thy judgment ere it burns T hy neighbor and thyself, by turns. U nsound notes make bankers weary , V-eal on toast keeps debtors cheery. Whoever sails too swiftly, may X pect his boat to sink some day. Y - easty speech betrays the tyro ; Z-eal. alone, neer made a hero 6 never will, all wise men know. 144 WHY AND BECAUSE. O, why, Prohibs, why Are you looking so glum? * 'Because, ' ' they reply. ' ' We've been beaten by rum. O. why, Antis, why Are you feeling so glad? ' 'Because, ' ' they reply, ' 'We have worsted you bad. " ' O, why, mothers, why Are you weeping to day? , ' ' Because , ' ' they all ciy , ■ 'Rum leads voters astray. " O, why, drunkards, pray. Are j^ou tippling to-night? ' 'Because, ' ' they all say, ' 'Your laws say it is right. ' ' O, why, hungry tot, Don ' t you fatten and grow ? ''Because pa's a sot, And your votes made him so. ' ' O, why, convicts, tell! Are you wearing those chains? ' 'Because of the hell Which the public maintains. ' ' 145 THE PRINTER'S APPEAL. D> ELINQUENT susbscribers , This hint is for you : We need every nickel That's justly our due. A few would-be statesmen — We say this with tears- Have surely forgotten That they're in arrears. Some other delinquents— We won't specify — Imagine that printers Grow fat upon ' ' pi . " ' From begiining. till now, Each week and each day . We have faithfully worked, Expecting our p ay . From dawning till gloaming Wev'e labored and grinned Forever subsisting On ' 'taffy and wind. " With levery condition Implied in our ''bond'' THE WHANGDOODLE'S striven, Each week, to respond. 146 THE PRINTER'S APPEAL. We've earnestly wrestled With ' roller and stick' ' Till courage, forbearance And hope have grown sick. We've patiently waited From day unto day Till patience , exhausted , Constrains us to say : Since our wallet is empty , Our trousers grown thin , Let every delinquent ' 'Come down with the tin. ' ' >^>^ 14] THE WOMAN GAVE AND I DID EAT. [ These lines are res2)ectfvJlt/ dedicated to our dear young friend, Miss Dodie Alice Cowsert, poetess of Phantom HiU, Texas. THE AUTHOR] J EHOVAH made the earth and sky And hollowed out the seas , Piled frowning mountain peaks on high And fashioned herbs and trees. He made the bird with soaring wing. The fishes of the main, And fitly finished everything That moves upon the plain. He spoke the heavens into birth. Assigned the sun his place , Transplanted stars above the earth And hung the moon in space. He circumscribed the zones and spheres, Divided day and night, Prescribed the bounds of season^ , years , And clothed the world in light. He set the forests wide and green Beside the rivers fair And, planting vales the hills between. He made a garden there. 148 THE WOMAN GAVE AND I DID EAT. Then, in fulfillment of Hid plan. He, from the va lley's dust, Created something known as ' ' Man And called it ' Good' ' and just. And afterwhile. when this gammon Bemoaned his lonely life, God , in pity , made fair woman And she became his wife. He gave the twain (thereafter one) All creatures , mild or grim , The trees and all their fruits— save one— And that they stole from Him. When asked about the missing fruit Next morning— on the street — ' 'The woman gave," replied the brute . •'And, therefore. I did eat." (It seems that this dissembling brute, In his attempt to hedge , Declined to say : ' ' The stolen fruit Has set my teeth on edge. ") And now, when caught, like>dam. we Quite often deem it meet To say: "The woman gave it me And, there fore, I did eat," Whenever Doctor says to me, "You've swallowed bittersweet," I say : "The woman gave it me And, therefore, I did eat." THE WOMEN GAVE AND I DID EAT. 149 Some gouty bum of lordly line, Who's drunk on wine, or stout. Declares, "The woman brewed the wine, Wherefore. this horrid gout. ' ' Diseased or well, enslaved or free, Their diet sour or sweet, Men say: -^The woman gave it me And, therefore, I did eat. " The millionaires , mid luxury, The beggars, on the street, All say: ''The woman gave it me And, therefore, I did eat. ' ' The hero, coward, saint and knave. The foolish and discreet Alike declare: "The woman gave And, therefore, I did eat. ' ' 150 THE BUSY SUNBEAMS. O WIFT riding on their steeds of light Ere dimpled Twilight's born, They trample down the bars of Night And usher in young Morn. Saluting then fair, blushing dawn, Embracing manse and halls, They linger on the dew- wet lawn And climb the garden walls. They minister at rose's birth. Embellish spire and dome. Beautify the heavens and earth And burnish every home. They st reak the apple and the peach And color pears and prunes. Perambulate the shell -strewn beach And stalk among sand dunes. They nestle in the flowret ' s cells And dally with the vines, Bedeck the pinks and asphodels And kiss the bearded pines. They wand ^r down the tree-gi "t lane And glint among the leaves , Commingle with the growing grain And tinge the gathered sheaves. THE BUSY SUNBEAMS. 151 Then, flashing over steepled fane And turrets old and gray, They stride along the fresh -mown plain And dry the tedded hay. Proceeding through the forest's gloom, Sweet smiling as they go. They deftly paint the hawthorn's bloom With their own healthful glow. They tint the rainbow, in the WQst. With azure, green and gold. Recline upon the mountain's breast And scale its summits bold . They stroll into the busy mart And peer through dungeon doors , Irradiate the halls of art And polish palace floors. They greet the plowman, at his task, Enliven weary tramps , Inspire the student, at his desk. And brighten soldiers ' camps . They wander to the distant poles. All hemispheres survey , They rally round the fog-draped shoals And chase the mists away . They play amid the sedgy fens . Dance with the laughing rills , Explore the eyeless brakes and glens And wanton on the hills. 152 THE BUSY SUNBEAMS. With filmy threads they paint the cheeks Of moors and brambly brakes, They waltz upon the dimpled creeks And loiter on the lakes. Dispersing shadows from the hedge . They set the world aglow And, crossing o'er its nether edge, Descend to depths below. They peek into the mermaid's graves, Beneath the billows glide. Then slumber in old Neptune ' s caves Until next morningtide. m 153 YOU'RE WELCOME HERE TO DAY O UR joyful hearts breathe forth in song- The organ swells the lay — And happy bells the strains prolong : Yon re welcome here to-day ; Welcome, welcome, welcome! You ' re welcome here to - day ; Kind friends, you're welcome here. Thrice welcome here to day. You're welcome here , these walls proclaim, Y"ou ' re welcome here to day ! You ' re welcome here I these desks exclaim , You're welcome here to-day; Welcome, welcome, welcome! You ' re welcome here to day , Kind friends, you're welcome here, Thrice welcome here to ■ day . You're welcome here! our homes exclaim , Kind friends , accept our cheer ; Our lips respond with glad acclaim : You re welcome here to day ! Welcome, welcome, welcome! You ' re welcome here to day ! Kind friends , you ' re welcome here , Thrice welcome here to-day. 154 YOUTH, MANHOOD AND AGE. jLn childhood's days, With wistful gaze, We covet man's estate. Nor dream that boon Will come quite soon Should we but patient wait. At life's high twelve We constant delve To compass wealth and fame, Forgetting the y May fade away Quick as the rocket's flame. Then, at life's eve, We sit and grieve O'er childhood's hours, misspent. And ponder o'er The burdens sore 'Neath which strong manhood bent. Our men^'al eyes Scarce realize The force which draws us hence . Nor comprehend The hast'ning end Of human life and sense. YOUTH, MANHOOD AND AGE. 155 Upon the face Of age we trace This olt -repeated tale : First, youth ascf^nrls, Then manhood bends Till age sleeps in the vale. Our journey closed , Our limbs composed, We ' 11 sleep within the tomb Until, at last. The trumpet's blast Proclaims the crack of doom. 156 WHEN WE GO HOME TO-MORROW. X FESE college walls to us so dear, Perchnnce some gloom may borro w These desks conceal a truant tear When we go home to-morrow. Our hungry minds may bid us stay Some other lights to borrow, But duty bids us haste away To meet the world to-morrow. Our teachers may some pride reveal And we some laurels borrow ; Some partial friends may prouder feel When we go home to morrow. Our brothers' tasks may lighter seem, Our parents feel less sorrow , And sisters ' eyes with pleasure beam When we go home to-morrow. Our Alma Mater's cherished name May added luster borrow. And we reflect its well earned fame Upon the world to-morrow. WHEN WE GO HOME TO-MORROW. 157 Then let ' s record this vow to ■ night : Despite its toil and sorrow, We'll J3ry to make the world seem bright When we go home to-morrow. The State may , then , partake our cheer. The Church new courage borrow, If we but make life's problems clear When we go home to-morrow. 158 MY BONNY SHIP. Oi H, comrades, see yon bonny craft '. Impelled by friendly breeze, And canvas swelling fore and aft , * Undaunted plows the seas ! Fidelity her deck commands. Truth ' s on her larboard side , Upon her starboard Prudence stands , Strength is her masts beside Sweet Charity is at the fore And Honor stands abaft, Munificence her larders store And Wisdom rules the craft Sobriety controls her berths, And Fervency her keel ; Coh sion fortifies her girths And Courage holds the wheel. Contentment does her mess-rooms fill, Faith manages each rope , Her manifest is writ by Skill, Her anchor's manned by Hope. With Zeal and Faith at shroud and rope. Well guarded at each side, Her anchor wisely manned by Hope, She bravely breasts the tide. Her captain's wise, her watchmen, too, Her sailors seldom trip , So, let's aboard and help the crew To sail this bonny ship. 159 TEXAS MUD. JL^K poets praise old Opliir,s mines And Afric's golden sands, Extol the flavor of the ^ines Of this and other lands ; Bnt their bright gold and diamonds rare And wines, though thick as blood, In richness never can compare With our black-waxey mud. Oh. vaunt no more the eider down, On which fair queens recline , Nor praise the velvet of the lawn Where elfin footsteps twine For I'm convinced — from trials oft— That nothing's quite as good. Nor ever can be half as soft As waxey Texas mud. Praise not that female's constancy, Whose mother love sublime Condones her offspring's perfidy. Ingratitude and crime ; For nothing graven on the brain Or mingled with the blood , Nor steadfast love, nor guilty stain Can ' 'stick' ' like Texas mud. 160 TEXAS MUD. Please boast no more of Egypt's corn, Or perfume -laden isles, Where Ceres empties out her horn Or Flora sweetest smiles. For their wide, overflowing fields Contain no tree, nor bud, Norplant, nor fruiting vine, which yields A crop like Texas mud. Don't worry over locust swarms. The icy blizzard's splurge. Nor pesky droughts and gravel storms And pestilential scourge — Which, haply, seldom overtake Us — for the cyclone ' s thud • And blizzard's swish can never make Us squirm like Texas mud. 161 TRLTST IN" GOD AND HEW AWAY. V V HEN thy prospects look the darkest Don ■ t believe what croakers say , If you'd have your prospects brighten Trust in God and hew away. If your wallet "s nearly ^mpty— Many bills and notes to pa)'— Get up early, push your bus'ness. Trust in God and hew away. Should your enemies grow thicker. Frien:ls and relatives betray. Keep the moisture from your powder. Trust in God and fire away. Should tornadoes rage and bluster. Zigzag lightning round you play. Be not frightened — be a hero — Trust in God and hew away. And should envy's poisoned arrows Wound you, for a single day. Gird vour loins with truth and virtue, Trust in God and hew away. Never weary, never falter. Ponder well what you essay. Lift the cleaver, swing the broadaxe. Trust in God and hew away. 162 TRUST IN GOD AND HEW AWAY. Then the people, when you're parsing, Will to one another say r • 'Yonder honest, bright-faced fellow Trusts in God and hews his way. Ever bright and ever cheery- — Meet him whensoeer you inay— Loves his country , pays his taxes . Trusts in God and hews away. Neither borrows cash nor trouble. Hence he has no debts to pay : Lives inside his daily income. Trusts in God and hews his way. Does some helpless friend or stranger Ever for assistance pray. Lifting them, he says, 'Have courage. Trust in God and hew 3'our way . ' Should the widow and the orphan At his feet their sorrows lay. Raising them, he kindly counsels, ■ Trust in God and go your way . ' ' ' Those who would be rich an d happy Must these simple rules obey : Shun no task, neglect no duty. Trust in God and hew away. Set examples for your neighbors- Make and save whate'er you may- Ne'er cease work, though others loiter, Trust in God and hew away. TRUST IN GOD AND HEW AWAY. 163 Then, perchance, some halting brother, Catching Faith ' s inspiring ray . May equip himself for battle, Trust in God and hew his way . Seek ye honor? high position? Bravely struggle day by day And — expecting Hope's fruition- - Trust in God and hew away. ^^^ 164 A GOSSIPING RETROSPECT, ff HILE reviewing the incidents of a lifetime, now waning. And comparing the manners, idioms and fashions of yore W th the fads, fancies, customs, the scientific inventions, Refined ethics and polite literature, now at the fore. My bnsy fancy recalled a period, when • 'neighborhood Shucking parties, log-rollings and coon-hunts' ' were in their full prime, A quarter section of • ' Hoozierbait ' sold for a penny And a jug of cider ' with a stick in it" cost a half-dime, Fat thanksgiving turkeys cost only the penning and catchiiuj An abundance of honey was obtained by coursing the bees. Red apples , melons , berries and peaches cost but the asking And sugar and molasses were obtained by tapping the trees A pound of ginseng paid for a Barlow knife and a Jewsharp , A summer coonskin was the price of a gallon of --old rye. A barrel of corn was an equivalent for half-soliug your boots. And the profits accruing to farmers were "all in the eye. ' Daily newpapers were exceedingly ' ■ few and far between. The fine arts and polite literature were almost unknown. Railroads, telegraphs and bicycles were merely vagaries And nobody dreamed of the electric light or telephone . •*Hog and hominy" meant abundance of everyday comforts, And prodigal living was indulged in by ••the trash;' ' Buckskin and linsey woolsey suits decorated the gentry And cooperstuff, et cetera went current as cash. A GOSSIPING RETROSPECT. 165 Mothers and sisters manufactured their everj'^day dresses, Reserving their bright calicos for holiday wear ; Our big- fisted progenitors rove barrel staves, cut hoooppoles. And "sledded' 'them to market with a frecklefaced mare. Broiled venison steaks and juicy cutlets graced every table, And johnnycakes were plentiful as picnics in May ; And big apetizing blackberrj^ cobblers- oh how luscious— And what biscuits they fashioned in an old wooden tray ! Delicious gingercakes, what wonderful marvels of beauty And sweetness, embellished dressers and pantries, you bet! And rich pumpkin pies and tarts, crullers and buns and light muffins — Ye gods! what a sight for a boy — my mouth waters yet, As awakened recollection wanders back to auld lang syne. When doting grandmas, mothers and sisters and aunties Found infinite pleasure in feasting the little Hoozieroons On old-fashioned "goodies" and child-bewitching dainties Residences and hotels were builded of logs and clapboards And fireplaces were made of rawhides, mortar and sticks ; Apartments were />/':/c^.s' for cooking and eating and sleeping And halJs were used for storing guns and *' similar tricks." We|' "journeyed to the land office by way of Foot & Walker," And our meeting-houses were minus upholstered pews ; People often'went twenty miles to shop, store and postoffice For groceries, blacksmithing, ammunition and news. Most of our naval conflicts occurred on rivers and bciyous. Our fleets consisting of flatboats and coasting bateaux ; And, by the way, boating meant sculling a dugout or poling A raft, and ijachtimj was eclipsed by feats of canoes. 166 A GOSSIPING RETROSPECT. Our schoolhouses were located at cross-roads or four-corners And frizzy-headed children came from far and from near : Master Birchie's mandates were reinforced by a hickory. Inspiring every pupil with the wisdom of fear. Taking life by shooting or stabbing was punished as muiuJo-; He who bought goods under false pretenses was a rogup ; • 'Misappropriating revenues' ' was reckoned as stealing And n-onl-cd horse dealers earned a' 'free ride on a log. ' ' Corners on gunpowder and salt met with stern retribution. VoJnntarg bnnkrnptcy placed a man ' 'on the shelf : ' ' Pooling and stock jobbing were counted as robbery And bucket shop transactions were then rated as jx^/f. Our feet paraded in stockings instead of hose and half-hose ; Mittens, like doubtful oomplinients. adorned jilted beaux; Gallnses and black locust thorns supported bashful trousers \nd tidu fi.i'-ups were ' 'Sunday-go- to-meetng clothes. Pin-pointed shoes never afflicted our parents with bunions . Gantlets and bangs were institutions of • noble Lo ; ' " True manhood was a sure passport to genteel society And modesty and good manners made feminininity ""go. " Men walked erect — as they had been created b}' Deity — And the swell-mobs of society hadn " t been born ; Boys didn't sleep until the tires were all made in the morning Nor servants sleep until the toot of the breakfast horn. Ovens, skillets and fryingpans were our cooking utensils . And half-rooked meals never hart our stomach and liver : The girls assisted their mothers in the laundry and kitchen And Biddies were scarce as sunstrokes on Yukon River. A GOSSIPING RETROSPECT. 167 Single ""Hflies spent little time in ' receiving and calling.' ' But. like girlsof to day. entertained their • -best fellers" And, eventually when tightly bound by wedlock s fetters. Did their tmiriixj in bedrooms and kitchens and cellars. Ambitious mothers didn't barter marriagable daughters To pedigreed snobs- distasteful to imps of the street— For European castles and long strings of doubtful titles. Like we dispose of corn, thoroughbred cattle and wheat. Hotels and ways'des inns were very few and far apart — But of homely hospitality there wa^ no dearth — The travel-iaded stee master found a welcome at Mine hostie's hearth. ( Jur latchstring hung out as a token of welcome to pilgrims And bilb for entertainment were paid '-at the hatter's ;" And the topics discussed related to Indian forays. Pi ices of land, pelfry. and other kindied matters, Ere that cr mmission of lop-sided statesmen Had been dreamed of or the Kelloggs, of dubious ways. And thePinkstons and Bradleys thwarted American voters. And gave Samuel Tilden's seat to Rutherford Hayes. We w^ent to the polls to electioneer for men and measures — And voting was considered a patriot's duty — A man's integrity determined his fitness for office, And trusts were bestowed without a thought of the booty . Election boards were supposed to act as agents for voters And make returns — untainted by intentional flaw — To honest tribunals, empowered to act in such cases. Who published the results in .strict accordance with law. 138 A GOSSIPING RETROSPECT. Oar Signal Service stations were managed by the Indians And subteranean railroads had never been planned ; Junketing parties at Yellowstone Park were as uncommon As are Fourth of July orations in Wrangle Land. Ere Bartholdis Liberty Shaft enlightened the Universe, Or the Washington Monument had- 'come here to stay ;" Plain woodden slabs protected our brightest, noblest and bravest And patriotism ' 'bubbled' ' on Freedom's natal day. The love of integrity and justice inspired men's actions — Scarce making an effort to acquire riches and fame — Each citizen labored for the weal (5f mankind and, dying, Needed no monument to commemorate his name. We never spread our dinners, but somebody "set the tables" And • 'cleaned-up dishes/ 'instead of removing the cloth. Barbecued opossum was common as sun-grins in August And soup found a substitute in ' 'pot-liquor or broth. Ablutions were rare, but we ' 'washed our faces'" every morijiug And ' 'combing' ' was as recherche as dressing the hair. Lasses didn't dress for a party, but ''put on their finery' ' And, although they ' drew the boys on, '' coquetting was rare. Our materia inedica consisted (»f ' 'barks and sticks;' ' Our ailments were 'aigur, worms, fits, rheumatiz and tizzick ; ' ' ' 'Doctoring was done ' by our mothers and the neighbor women , For they didn t ' give calomy like Doctor Physic. ' ' A GOSSIPING RETROSPECT. 169 Sportsmen were called • 'hunters from away back in old Kaintucky ' ' And "'shining'' deer furnished spoi"t from November till June. Rifle pra'^tice consisted in shooting for beef and turke}^ — At "three chances for a dime ' " —by the light of the moon Ere Blaine cast an anchor to windward. ' ' or wrote, ' 'My dear Fisher, ' ' Or Butler's cohorts insulted Dixie's fair lasses, Or Barnum won the title : "Prince of American Humbugs Or Garfield drove canal mules thi'ough Ohio ' 'passes. ' ' Ere greedy avarice whetted Jay Gould's financial talents Or anvil sparks illumined Elihu Burrett's brain Or Johnson, Stanton and Holt murdered innocent Surratt, Or Lincoln, bv the hands of an assassin, was slain. When Siskiyou's Peak, in its primeval grandeur, stood alone 'Mid golden streams- unsullied by the prospector's pan— And Yosemite Valley, 'mid scenes of weird sublimity And deep silence, heard not the steps of civilized man. Laundries. /v.^•frr/^/v/H^s• and tailor-shops had little patronage, For our mothers ••got our dinners, made and washed all our duds. ' ' Our sisters and female cousins were rarely en dishabiUe, But, upon wash-days, were ' 'up to the elbows in suds. ' 170 A GOSSIPING RETROPECT. Bringing whs " fetching,'" parsni])s wpie- 'pasneps," on- ions were 'ingyons," Milking was "pailing' ' and carry was expressed in'-tote;" Calicos, ginghams, bombazines and poplins were ' 'store- goods, ' ' Candles were ' 'dips' ' and ' 'biied fnstard' looked very like float. Steam threshing and harvesting machines wpre yet in embryo But sickles and flails were in the midst of their glory : Sewing machines and motor wagons were not in the market And sozodont was nnheard of in song or story. Patent rollers hadn.t taken the place of ancient millstones, Nor spectaclps usurped the functions of ' 'eye-glasses : " ' Oleomargerine didn't compete with gilt-edged butter And leather and whiskey weren't made by nev j>r(>cfss('s. Before Lyon enflh)ded the gamins at the Wedge-House, Or accepted a furlough from McCulloch and Price, Joe Smith was welding broken links in his chain of salvation And Miller looking for heaven through holes in the ice. Before soulless syndicates gobbled up the public domain Or credit mohilier schemes of Tom Scott and Oakes Ames Swindled good natured Uncle Sam out of millions of dollars And buried Colfax and others 'neath mountains of shame. A man 's vows w^ere regarded binding as sworn affirmations And his '10 U' ' as sound as a bankable note : His merits and demerits were reckoned at their full value, His character never weighed in the scales with his coat. A GOSSIPIN9 RETROSPECT. 171 Lawyers enii;iio;edui}>J<'adiiu/.s inst-ad of wild declamations, Their fees being modest, compared with those of to-day. Preachers labored for the sah^ation of men (and ''fried chicken' ' ) And we attended ' ' meeting j. to gossip, sing and pray. Campmeetmgs were far more plentiful than ''World's Expositions And people ' 'got religion' ' in the old-fashioned wa\ . A man conld • "wallop the life out'n a shemale b"ar and litter. Chop , split , tote out and put up two liundrd rails a day. ' ' The • old 'oman' ' wove, knit, churned sewed and cooked whilst her fair daughters' Wheels kept .step with ''My old Kentucky Home, far away. ' The boys worked in the forest or cornfield from dawning till twilight , Then • hunted possuuivS and coons'' till the crack of next day. Grretna Green was then ccmsidered a ci'eation of fano}^ And • 'Injun Nation'' had never gladdened a lover; Young people, marrying at home, had a grand rharirtiri . And forever aft r lived in • 'hone}^ and clover. ' ' Arctic exploring expeditions were very uncommon, ( But " going down the river' " furnished family lore. \ Opera, theater and circus troupes came very rareh^ | And ' 'grub" wasn't sold oa credit at the country store. 172 A GOSSIPING RETROPECT. A ten-pennj nail and new copper cent made a boy happy. Because thej' jingled like ' the dollars of the daddies. Our blooming bisters esteemed calico dresses as highly As we do the superb toilets of modern ladies . Our exports were few, our imports triflin.j<. compared with to-day ; Our arteries of commerce were rivers and dirt roads ; Our merchantmen were the wagon, sled and rollicking flatboat. The lading being "•swapped' ' for groceries and dry goods. Our outgoing shipments were pumpkins, squashes, staves and hooppoles— Being usually summarized: • 'Lumber and Fruits' ' — Our incoming cargoes constituted life's chiefest comforts And consisted of salt, coffee, lead, powder and boots. Sounds of the chopping ax and whipsaw awakened the forest And buzzing wheels and thwacking looms were heard in the land. Labor meant trork and economy meant sarin(j your earnings. And labor and thrift and contentment went hand in hand. Patent laws didn't hamper manufacturing enterprise And trade was not fettered by tariff legislation. Laboring men's associations were— things of the future— And stnAmgr meant ' 'hitting' ' a northwestern plantation. Commercial travellers were scarce as celestial visitors, Lightning-rod philosophers came but once in a year. The ubiquitous book imp hadn't escaped from his swaddlings And the wheezing graphaphone never tortured the ear. A GOSSIPING RETROSPECT. 173 Insurance men rarely wept over mercantile fire losses And caleopean concerts seldom were given ; ''Pierce's Pleasant Pellets ' ' werent advertised in the newspapers, And loafers felt as lonesome as Pecksniffs in heaven. Riches meant plenty at home and a tnite for the needy , And integrity was prized more than rubies and gold ; Funerals didn't cost the price of a ship load of cotton . And multi-millionaires on your fingers could be told. Hapless Lovejoy was a printer by the side of "Big Muddy.'' Harry Clay was posing as ' 'Mill-Boy of the Slashes, ' ' Poe's mythical raven was croaking --Nevermore, never more I" And Voorhees scanning lasses through infantile lashes. Artemus Ward . the inimitable, was ' 'raising chestnuts. ' 'Hiawatha' " inspiring William Longfellow's pen : Tom Hendricks was a frizzy- headed, barefooted Buckeyean And Hoozierdom's great occulist was a plowboy then. Ere Lincoln split rails, in Illinois, for two bits a hundred. Or Guiteau died on the gallows for his country s weal. Or Douglass exchanged slavery's galling fetters for freedom, Or Governor Wise sent Bj-own to -'thelandof the leal. ' ' Ere Texas achieved her independence, at- San Jacinto, Or the ' 'Lone Star" was added to our constellation Or death drafted President Harrison and Tyler '-Tylered' The Whigs, by signing the bill for her annexation. Ere Ampudia ramouxi^d at Reseca de la Palma Or Uncle Sam's eagles floated over Monterey, Or "Rough and Ready" whipped Santa Ana at Buena Vista. Or our people mourned for McKey, Yell, Hardin and Clay. 174 A GOSSIPING RETROSPECT. Ere our army, under Scott, captured the port of Vera Cruz And drove the Mexicans from rock-ribbed Cero Gordo, Demolished Oherubusco and Molino del Rey, Scaled frowning Chepultepec and captured Mexico. Or Brigham Young dedicated the Temple of Deseret, Or bonanza kings dreamed of the wealth of Nevada, Or Freemont traded army beeves for County Mariposa Or the Pacific Slope became — ' ' Wertern El Dorado. Ere Phillips and G-arrison raised their ba tile-cry of freedom Or ' 'Missouri Compromise' ' was repealed by Congress, Or Helper promulgated his • 'Irrepressible conflict' ' And Jim Lane started Pandemonium in Kansas. Then Charleston's convention bursted the Democratic party And the Republicans got control of the nation. Dixie — affronted — appealed to the arbiter of nations. The war, which followed, ending in emancipation . Major Anderson sarren leredgrim Sumpter to Beauregard, Douglass threw up the sponge and ' 'On to Richmond ! ' ' begun. Donelson and Henry capitulated to the ' ' Yankees, ' ' And' Reb s 'routed McDowell at Bull Run Number One. Fair Zollikoffer was murdered by Frye. his body profaned By brutal soldiers, his garments divided by lot ; McClellan marched from Washington to Richmond and back again And Lee taught General Pope that his bluster was "rot. ' A GOSSIPING RETROSPECT. 175 The ' 'Confeds "annihilated plucky Baker at Balls Elnff, And Elsworth captured a bullet instead of a ' -ra^.*' " Dixie lost one of her most brilliant commanders at Shiloh And ' 'Old Rosie's' ' army was beguiled by Capt. Bragg Confiscated cotton 'feathered the nests'' of Curtiss and Gorman And Dick Taylor grew fat upon Yankee bacon and beans , ' 'Old Swampy monkeyed with'' Grant's Holly Springs commisariat And Farragut bested the Rebels at New Orleans. The Johnnies beat the army of the Potomnc at Fredricks- burg , And. stirred the fleas in the- 'Fed's' camp at Anteitam ; General Meade checkmated Lees • 'On to Philadelphia' ' And ''Yankee Cheese-Box'' worsted the Confederate ' ' Ram . ' ' General Hooker' s army was beaten at Chancellorville, And Grant covered the wilderness With battle's (h^hn's; Sheridan desolated fruitful Shenandoah Valley And Sherman, like a besom, swept ' 'down to the sea, At last. when a million of our bravest and best had fallen. And as many others maimed and disabled for life. The South, o' erpowered by numbers and exhausted bj' fighting. Furled her banners, discharged armies and gave up the strife. 176 A GOSSIPING RETROSPECT. When ' 'grim Visaged war ' ' disbanded his batallions and • navies— And scarred veterans returned to vocations of yore— Industr}^ and com merce spread their wings from ocean to to ocean , And Thrift and Unit}' reigned as never before. Our old mothers and sisters maj' have been "off ' ' in re- finement , Their customs and styles, perhaps, not exactly in tone With those of the present— our fathers and brothers un- polished — Yet those old-time styles lose nothing, compared with our own. Distinctions may seem hateful, comparisons seem odious, Yet, before dismissing my theme, permit me to say Of those people, fast fading away: If they were unpolished, Their' 'ways' ' were as commendable as ours are to-day, ' '.'■V -'.''.•.:*'^>^'^;..